Parenting There are lots of practical ways you can support your child in managing transitions:
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Build consistency and routine into the transition, for example, if getting dressed every morning is difficult, create a new routine that everyone must get dressed before coming downstairs. Use scaffolding techniques to get this routine started successfully. Give a description of what will happen through the day and lots of reminders when a transition is coming, for example, today we’re going over to Grandma’s house and then we will have lunch and come home. Give a half an hour reminder that it will be time to get shoes on soon to go to Grandma’s. If your child is challenged with his attentional focus, make sure to get down to your child’s level, gain eye contact and explain gently that in half an hour it will be time to put on shoes. Countdown slowly; “that’s fifteen minutes now” (time may not mean so much to your child, but they will understand that you are preparing them, in the case of younger children, you can use egg timers, the ‘when this programme that you are watching is finished’ or stopwatch beepers ‘when the beeper goes off’etc.). When it is time to transition, use scaffolding; bring your child’s shoes to them and get down on the floor to support them in putting on the shoes. This is okay, some parents worry “they will never learn to put on their own shoes” remember scaffolding is a temporary structure to enable your child to learn successfully to be independent in these activities. Remember, ‘rushing’ is the enemy of a child who is challenged with transition. All parents end up in a pickle at times when running late, however, when that volcano erupts or later down the line, meltdown is encountered you will understand! Remember that as the adult you have control of the schedule. Sometimes it can be helpful to weigh up rushing vs child preparation with the risk of rushing prompting emotional dysregulation it can often be quicker to build in even a mini preparation when running late. Use a visual timetable if you child is getting lost in the daily routine. This can be particularly helpful for children with blended families who spend time living with Mum and Dad separately. This technique is also particularly helpful with children diagnosed with Neurodevelopmental Disorders. Use ‘Praise and Rewards’ remember to really praise those good transitions when your child managed well. Remember that the behaviour you praise is the behaviour you will see more of in the future. Try to ignore the not so desirable ‘dilly dallying’ and catch the good bits! Develop a ‘grab bag’ (a bag with 5 – 10 small inexpensive gifts that they can chose), when your child has done particularly well let them take a reward from the grab bag. This is a very powerful way to encourage more of the behaviour you would like to see.
Dr Elise Kearney runs a clinic at The Therapies Centre, The Fold, Bransford WR6 5JB and can be contacted on admin@drelisekearney.co.uk 07713755224 or find out more about the service she offers at www.thefold.org.uk A mother of four and Chartered Consultant Child and Family Psychologist, Dr Kearney trained as a Clinical Psychologist in Glasgow. She has over 20 years experience working with children and families in the NHS and privately. Dr Kearney offers 1:1 assessment and treatment sessions for a variety of difficulties including • Difficulties stemming from family separation and blended families • Sleep difficulties • Eating Disorders and “fussy eating” • Coping with “temper tantrums” and behavioural difficulties • Coming to terms with and managing life after a diagnosis of ASD • Separation anxiety • Difficulties around potty training, • Sibling rivalry and difficulties with sharing • Starting nursery/school and transition to high school or College/ University • Anxiety including panic, phobias and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) • Low self-esteem, low mood and depression • Attachment difficulties • Bereavement (this list is not exclusive).
From a practical point of view, making sure that children are getting enough sleep and food to support consistent blood sugar levels will all support the ‘resource tank’. For children who tend to run on a low ‘resource tank’ build in time to learn diaphragmatic breathing techniques (lots of examples on YouTube). Practice this at least once a day. Yoga and other mindfulness activities such as colouring, word searches can fill the tank back up. Build in 10 minutes special time for you and your child at a predictable time each day when they can lead the play and have ‘all of you’ for that 10 minutes; a very effective refuelling of the tank. Remember that parents need to keep their ‘resource tank’ topped up too! If you are running into difficulties with transitions and keeping that ‘resource tank’ topped up don’t be afraid to ask for help. familiesonline.co.uk
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