[New] What is Family Mediation?

“I’m getting divorced and need to find a solicitor.” This is a statement that Only Mums & Dads, a not-for-profit social enterprise that supports people through divorce, hear daily. Their advice is always to try mediation first (where there is no domestic abuse) and if it breaks down, to try again. Divorce solicitors agree. Family court cases are notoriously expensive, long, and stressful and it’s recognised that these stresses have a negative impact on children.

But the full benefits of the mediation process are not always understood. Only Mums & Dads asked Louisa Dickson of Southern Family Mediation to explain them.

Mediation is a way of resolving disagreements and making decisions about issues with the help of a specially trained Family Mediator so that you reach a situation acceptable to all parties, and avoid spending vast sums of money, time and emotional stress on going to court.

Separating from your partner when you have children is not like falling out with a friend. They are in your life for the rest of your life, and so you need to find a way to go forward as harmoniously as possible.

Mediation can help with:

By Louisa Dickson

• Parenting arrangements for children after you break up – with whom/where/when they spend their time;

• Divorce;

• Child maintenance payments;

• Finances, eg your house, savings, pension, or debts.

The alternative is going to court. Except the court isn’t there to decide on which days and times your children will spend with you and your ex. It’s there to decide on serious matters such as safeguarding.

So mediation helps you both to stay in control. It’s about compromise and negotiation and saving time AND money. It means finding your own solutions, putting your love for your children before your dislike/hate of your ex, and offers an opportunity to resolve conflict and improve communication.

Mediation is NOT:

• Someone else telling you what to do or making decisions for you;

• Winning or losing;

• Counselling or therapy;

• Being told your view is right (court won’t do that either!)

Most people who start mediation reach agreement without going to court. As hurt and angry as you are with your ex, you need to put this aside to prevent it from damaging your children’s mental health. Don’t let your children become your conflict. Sort it for them.

To find an experienced, qualified and regulated family mediator, visit www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk