SEPARATION ANXIETY

STRONGER TOGETHER

IF YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE HOW DIFFICULT THIS CAN BE, WRITES SARAH MACKINTOSH

My son has always found it difficult to separate from me, especially when in playschool and preschool. There were days when

I would leave the school in tears, feeling terrible after the teacher had to pry my child off me and told me to go and don’t look back! It’s just awful. As a parent, you feel so guilty and your heart aches for your child. According to clinical psychologist Lauren

Snailham, it’s normal and expected for children to experience anxiety, crying, tantrums or clinginess in reaction to separation during early childhood. These are healthy reactions and a normal stage of development. Separation anxiety is a condition in which a child becomes excessively anxious when separated from parents. The anxiety experienced is more than just clinginess. Common expressions of separation anxiety can include an inability to think about anything but the present fear of separation, crying, nightmares, palpitations, rapid breathing, shortness of breath, physical complaints (such as a sore tummy or headache), and sometimes depression. These experiences of emotional and behavioural distress can develop into a serious emotional problem called

Separation Anxiety Disorder, which includes symptoms such as clinging to parents, extreme and severe crying, refusal to do things that require separation, constant worry and fear about separation, physical Anxiety Disorder overlap, which can make it confusing for parents and cause an uncertainty of whether to try support the child through ‘this phase’ or to seek professional help. The main differences, however, are the intensity of your child’s fears and whether these fears are interfering with their daily life and functioning,” explains Lauren.

“Separation anxiety occurs because a child feels unsafe. This may have been triggered by a change in the environment (new teacher, new school, new house, new sibling), stress (loss of a loved one including a pet, parental conflict, separation or divorce), having an insecure attachment to a parent, or having an overprotective parent – as children and parents can feed into one another’s anxieties,” says Lauren.

illness (such as headaches or vomiting), violent, emotional temper tantrums, reluctance to go to sleep, poor school performance, and failure to interact in a healthy manner with other children.

“Many of the symptoms of normal separation anxiety and Separation It’s normal and expected for children to experience anxiety, crying, tantrums or clinginess in reaction to separation during early childhood - these are healthy reactions

Tips to deal with separation anxiety

“Prevention is always better than cure, so I always encourage empowering our children and building resilience. Helping them to learn about their feelings, learning to name them, recognise the bodily sensations their feelings cause, and how to cope with these feelings in healthy ways,” says Lauren.

Other tips include:

•Address any root causes you may be aware of (such as, bullying or not having friends). •If there’s been a change in routine, try get back to the normal routine as soon as possible.

•Discuss the difficulties with the school and identify a safe person and place for your child to seek out if necessary. •Provide a consistent pattern for the day (routine creates predictability and children LOVE predictability). •Set limits (let your child know that you understand their feelings, affirm their feelings but that they are still expected to follow rules, do chores, etc. These boundaries help contain and create a sense of security for your child). •Offer choices (anxious children often like having control so give options such as where at school they’d like to be dropped off, what toy they’d like to take along in the car for the drive, what song they’d like to sing – age-appropriate choices and control).

Lauren Snailham

is a clinical psychologist in Kloof with a passion for helping children. She has many resources on her website www.childtherapytoolbox.co.za that can be used for empowering children to cope with difficult feelings and to encourage families to work together, as well as books that address anxiety.

•Name their feeling, validate the feeling, set limits and offer coping skills like talking to someone, asking for a hug, playing with pets, breathing in and out slowly, humming gently to themselves, drawing, or holding a small fidget toy or object which can help with grounding in flighty moments. •Help your child build confidence by focusing on strengths. •Encourage your child to move out of their comfort zone, each time they do they will see what they have achieved and what they are capable of.

“If symptoms persist and your child’s anxiety is escalating to the extent that is causing them great distress and interfering with their daily functioning then it’s advisable that you seek professional help,” advises Lauren. *

“PLAY IS THE HIGHEST FORM OF RESEARCH”

- ALBERT EINSTEIN

RUN BY AN EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGIST

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