parenting*
Separation
ANXIETY
IF YOU HAVE A CHILD WITH SEPARATION ANXIETY, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE HOW DIFFICULT THIS CAN BE, WRITES SARAH MACKINTOSH
M
y son has always found it difficult to separate from me, especially when in playschool and preschool. There were days when I would leave the school in tears, feeling terrible after the teacher had to pry my child off me and told me to go and don’t look back! It’s just awful. As a parent, you feel so guilty and your heart aches for your child. According to clinical psychologist Lauren Snailham, it’s normal and expected for children to experience anxiety, crying, tantrums or clinginess in reaction to separation during early childhood. These are healthy reactions and a normal stage of development. Separation anxiety is a condition in which a child becomes excessively anxious when separated from parents. The anxiety experienced is more than just clinginess. Common expressions of separation anxiety can include an inability to think about anything but the present fear of separation, crying, nightmares, palpitations, rapid breathing, shortness of breath, physical complaints (such as a sore tummy or headache), and sometimes depression. These experiences of emotional and behavioural distress can develop into a serious emotional problem called Separation Anxiety Disorder, which includes symptoms such as clinging to parents, extreme and severe crying, refusal to do things that require separation, constant worry and fear about separation, physical
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Anxiety Disorder overlap, which can make it confusing for parents and cause an uncertainty of whether to try support the child through ‘this phase’ or to seek professional help. The main differences, however, are the intensity of your child’s fears and whether these fears are interfering with their daily life and functioning,” explains Lauren. “Separation anxiety occurs because a child feels unsafe. This may have been triggered by a change in the environment (new teacher, new school, new house, new sibling), stress (loss of a loved one including a pet, parental conflict, separation or divorce), having an insecure attachment to a parent, or having an overprotective parent – as children and parents can feed into one another’s anxieties,” says Lauren.
It’s normal and expected for children to experience anxiety, crying, tantrums or clinginess in reaction to separation during early childhood - these are healthy reactions
illness (such as headaches or vomiting), violent, emotional temper tantrums, reluctance to go to sleep, poor school performance, and failure to interact in a healthy manner with other children. “Many of the symptoms of normal separation anxiety and Separation
Tips to deal with separation anxiety “Prevention is always better than cure, so I always encourage empowering our children and building resilience. Helping them to learn about their feelings, learning to name them, recognise the bodily sensations their feelings cause, and how to cope with these feelings in healthy ways,” says Lauren. Other tips include: • Address any root causes you may be aware of (such as, bullying or not having friends). • If there’s been a change in routine, try get back to the normal routine as soon as possible.
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