ESCAPING THE HAPPINESS TRAP

ALLOWING OUR CHILDREN TO PROCESS THE EMOTIONS OF BEING DISAPPOINTED IS NOT NECESSARILY A BAD THING, WRITES CHRISTY HERSELMAN

One of the most beautiful and heart-breaking movies I have ever watched was The

Pursuit of Happyness starring

Will and Jaden Smith. The true story of a San Francisco salesman struggling to build a life for himself and his fiveyear-old son, it is the name of the film rather than the storyline which has stayed with me as I raise my own children and work with families in various aspects of parenting.

And it has stayed with me as a warning rather than encouragement, because the pursuit of happiness can be a dangerous thing.

We often see T-shirts telling us to “Do what makes you happy!” and we think that happiness should be the goal for ourselves and our kids. But happiness is illusive and when we pursue it as a constant state of being, we chase an ever-moving horizon.

The reality is that life is not always happy. Social media feeds the illusion that we should be living our best lives every day, riding a wave of achievements, celebrations, amazing meals and unforgettable trips. But some days just suck. Sometimes we go through periods of incredible hardship. Sometimes we hate our jobs or our marriages break down. When we (and Instagram) teach our children that they should be happy all the time, we are not equipping them to the reality of life’s ups and downs.

Last week I was chatting to a mom whose son had not been selected for a sports team he had worked very hard to make. This is a high-achieving child who succeeds in many fields. The experience of disappointment was not something he experienced often. What struck me in this conversation was how his mom was trying to find ways to cushion the blow, reasons why it was a good thing he had not been selected. My loving advice to my friend was to simply say to her child, “This time you didn’t make it. Well done for putting yourself out there and trying,” and to allow her child to process the emotions of being disappointed.

The reality is that much disappointment lies ahead for this and every child: job promotions they won’t get, relationships that won’t work, friends who will let them down. Life is a gloriously messy mixed bag of experiences and emotions.

So let’s not fool ourselves or our kids that life will always be happy. Let’s rather live wholeheartedly where we find ourselves. Instead of pursuing happiness, let’s pursue purpose: put ourselves out there, try new things, serve others, do what is right, love unselfishly, process pain, develop our talents and take time to invest in others.

The beautiful by-product of this kind of life is joy, which comes from within and spills out into the world around us. *

The Chat

The Chat is a culture-shaping movement which exists to start conversations and impart accurate information around issues like sex, identity, social media and pornography. The Chat believes that if these issues are left unaddressed, they threaten to derail a generation. The Chat was founded and is led by Christy Herselman, and is overseen by The Table Church in uMdloti. Christy has a background in journalism and teaching. She has written two books and currently divides her time between researching, writing, speaking and being a wife and mom. She lives in uMdloti with her husband Brad and her children Emily, Ryan and Blake. Please contact Christy on info@thechat.co.za or visit www.thechat.co.za for more info.

*ed's letterEDEN DURBAN

Pre-Primary | Preparatory | High School

THEREÕS NO STOPPING PROGRESS

It was in 1996 that we moved to the uMhlanga area. We bought our home off-plan, and while looking at the plans for the complex stuck on the side of a caravan parked on a dirt track surrounded by sugar cane, a small part of me did wonder if we were making the right move. Little did I know what was to come …

Within days of moving into our new home, uMhlanga

Rocks Drive was widened from one lane to two lanes both ways. It wasn’t very long before the foundations were poured for Gateway, and over the years this massive shopping complex has mushroomed to become a central point in uMhlanga. With it, businesses and blocks of offi ces have taken root, turning uMhlanga into a thriving metropolis – where business and pleasure meet. TALK TO US lorna.king@famouspublishing.co.za www.theridgeonline.co.za

Closer to the beach, more W Ridge Magazine

Meet Lauren Dickerson, den Schools Durban offers the best quality co-educational private our newest member to The schooling from Sunshine Group (grade 0000) to Matric in KZN. Ridge sales team. Lauren will Eden Durban has the highest academic standards, expert teaching and be selling in the uMhlanga and Ballito areas, so if you’re keen to have your business or product a caring supportive environment that extends beyond the classroom. Our learner’s horizons are broadened and they are challenged to become more involved, thus developing their social, leadership and communication skills. advertised in The Ridge to reach A-income homes, businesses Matric Results and estates, give Lauren a call Our matric results each year are outstanding. Eden has ranked as one of today. She will put together the top five schools in South Africa for our NSC matric results for the an advertising package to suit past 5 years. In 2021 Eden was ranked Number 1 in South Africa with your budget and needs. Contact Lauren on 072 425 2780 or 3,76 A’s per candidate. We have had 100% bachelor passes since our inception in 2007 and our number of A’s per candidate regularly development was taking place more traditional experiences, a email: Lauren.Dickerson@exceeds 3,5. – and overnight The Pearls feast of food flavours, upmarket famouspublishing.co.za Coping with Lockdown Despite the lockdown due to the Covid 19 pandemic and the rose up from the ground, reshaping the skyline along our shops, and our warm ocean. Progress might not always be disruptions of the past 2 years, our students have had access to online coastline. Fast forward to today what we desire because often Congratulations! Congrats to our lucky readers and recorded Zoom lessons and material loaded onto Google Classrooms. We are confident that our students are always well prepared for examinations and will continue to achieve excellent – and not without a pinch of controversy – the newest we don’t have the vision to see the bigger picture. But at the end who won prizes in time for both results. edition to uMhlanga’s portfolio of the day KZN needs progress Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. of hotels has recently opened to build the economy, to attract The winners are: The Secret to Eden’s Success The secret to our success is firstly due to our small classes, and the its doors. The Radisson Blu the tourists, so that we have a MOTHER’S DAY WINNERS: warm, friendly, family atmosphere we cultivate and secondly to our Durban uMhlanga. better future. • Mangwanani Spa Day worth R3 500: Ida Delport experienced, caring teachers who are prepared to go the extra mile, giving extra lessons when needed. For once, the timing might be spot-on. After surviving Until next time, let's enjoy all that is on our doorstep. • Gateway Shopping Spree worth The children at Eden are happy to come to school. At Eden we strive to the challenges that came with R2 500: Anusha Dhanraj • Edgars Beauty Make-over And Hamper worth R3 250: provide a unique and vibrant educational experience for our students. We celebrate the diversity of cultures in a cosmopolitan South Africa and respect religious practices and holidays of various faiths. Covid, plus KZN residents contending with the riots a year Linsey Luis • Capital Zimbali Overnight Stay worth R8 500: Elizabeth Evans ago and the devastating floods a few months back, it’s time we celebrated some good news. PRE-PRIMARY (Sunshine Group - 0000 to G Love and laughter; work and play rade 00) • High Tea at The Oyster Box worth R1 600: Robert Kermack With Covid numbers in control, and tourism on the upswing, PREPARATORY (Grade R to Grade 7) Growing happy children

FATHER’S DAY WINNERS: • Gateway Shopping Spree worth now is the perfect time to welcome overseas tourists COLLEGE (Grade 8 to G The genesis of genius rade 12) R2 500: Robyn Clark back to our amazing province, • R2 000 Voucher for Fiamma Grill: Laura Mottura • R2 000 Meal Voucher for to our much-desired coastline, and to enjoy everything our Mozambik The Pearls: Nisha community has to offer – new Ramkhelawon glitzy hotels as well as our

Eden’s Philosophy: Holistic Education Eden Schools are committed to provide a balanced holistic education to produce well-rounded, accomplished, self-disciplined and confident individuals. In addition to offering a wide range of learning areas, we encourage our students to participate in various sports and extra-mural activities such as soccer, cricket, swimming, water polo, basketball, netball, sailing, dance, chess, debating, public speaking, eco projects and community outreach programmes. We have a strong programme of arts and culture enabling our music, dance, drama and art students to have the opportunity to perform in festivals, productions, shows and exhibitions. Our children also take part in many online events such as an International Online Mock Court Debate, the GMMDC Art competition, Speech Festivals and Online Talent Competitions. Extension at Eden At Eden, we extend our children by encouraging out-the-box thinking and developing problem-solving skills. Our children excel at various Olympiads such as the South African Mathematics Olympiad, Conquesta, the Computer and Physics Olympiad and the English Olympiad. One of our students, Jaedon Naidu made it through to the top 10 of the SAMO (Maths) Olympiad, top 10 of the SAAO (Computer) Olympiad and won the gold for the Programming Olympiad during 2021. In addition, Jaedon has been selected to represent SA teams for Mathematics and Computers. As a centre of excellence, Eden College Durban’s vision is to be a leading institution in educating boys and girls to enable them to become responsible young men and women who will make significant, positive contributions to the situations faced in South Africa and the world.