Mums Mail/East Rand_July 2020 by famouspublishing

Self-care helps our kids

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a R2000 Bargain Books Voucher

Mental Health in a Pandemic Issue 34 | Johannesburg - East Rand | July 2020

From The Editor’s Desk... W

ow I can’t believe we’ve survived three months of lockdown! I’m very glad some of the restrictions have been eased, but not seeing my family and friends has been seriously hard. I’m a social being and I really miss the human interaction. But I guess it could be worse – at least I have a comfortable home to live in, food to eat and a great job that I love! I got to thinking about what I have achieved during this lockdown time, and I’m proud to say my greatest accomplishment was that I survived (so far) with my family intact! To all the parents out there, I want to say this - don’t feel bad if you didn’t lose 10kgs, renovate your home, spring clean

CONTENTS

EVERYDAY LIFE/HOME LIFE 4 5 6 8

Self-care really helps our kids Meet the cover stars Book Reviews by Bargain Books Holistic Family Debt Management

HOME LIFE/HEALTHY LIFE 10 11 12

Houseplant Comeback 8 Tips to Grow Herbs in an Apartment Mental Health in a Pandemic

EDUCATED LIFE/KIDS’ LIFE 14

your home, clear out your cupboards, build a treehouse, read 20 books, start a yoga class, bake 100 banana breads or whatever it is that other parents have done. If you have done some or all of those things, good on you, but if you haven’t done any of those things, that’s ok too! Parenting and home-schooling, plus working from home, is really hard, and the fact that we’ve managed to come this far in one piece is amazing! So I’m here to tell you to keep it up, and to be proud of yourself, and most importantly – don’t compare yourself to others! We have some inspiring articles for you this month – I hope you enjoy our “little toolbox for the young family” that we’ve worked so hard to produce! Sarah x

Empathy Skills are Key

15 16 17 18 20-21 22 23 24 25

to Better Learning Building a New Generation of Futureproof Entrepreneurs Teaching Children How To Think From an Early Age How do I Teach my Child to Listen? Discussing Loss with Your Child Build a Bat Box Décor Ideas for Kids’ Rooms Teach Your Children How to Rise Above All Challenges 30 Minute Broccoli Cheddar Soup Energy Bars

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Editor: Sarah Mackintosh • sarah@mumsmail.com • Enquiries: 031 - 714 4700 Accounts: meghan@mumsmail.com • Designer: Wendy Offer Advertising Sales: Bev Delew • bev@mumsmail.com | Anisha Singh • anisha@mumsmail.com Cover Photographer: Shoot the Moon, shootthemoonza@gmail.com, 078 099 4372 Printed sponsored by

, a division of Novus Holdings

DISCLAIMER: Neither the Publisher, Printer or Editor can be held responsible for damages or consequences of any omissions or errors, as every care is taken to ensure the accuracy of the information in Mum’s Mail. We do not guarantee the performance or quality of service of any of the advertisers in this magazine. No part of Mum’s Mail magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of the Editor.

IN THIS ISSUE WWW.MUMSMAIL.COM

WWW.MUMSMAIL.COM EVERYDAY LIFE

Self-care really helps our kids MOTHERS OFTEN PUT THEIR NEEDS LAST, FEELING SELFISH IF THEY INVEST TIME OR ENERGY IN THEMSELVES, WIRTES PSYCHOLOGIST CAROL SURYA.

adly, exactly the opposite is true. Research shows that mothers who don’t take care of themselves (i.e. no self-care or stress management) suffer far more emotional and physical symptoms of stress, becoming tired, irritable and more critical of their children. It’s surprising how negative we are about ourselves. We berate ourselves when we’re not coping well with daily stressors, blaming ourselves when we’re impatient or get too angry and judging every bit of ‘performance’ in this tricky parenting journey. In these stressful lockdown time, practising positive self-talk and actively working on our mental health has become critical. Considering that our kids are learning a lot about self-esteem and self-care by watching us, it makes sense then to change these patterns, to watch our words about ourselves, give ourselves a break, and give ourselves permission to improve how we feel about ourselves. Because we are their main teacher, when we are coping well, feel happy and self-content, we set a great example for them to follow. When your children notice that you feel good about yourself and treat yourself with respect, it teaches them to like and care for themselves too. Top tips to feel better • Recognize your achievements – tell your kids what you’re good at - e.g. “Hey guys, I cooked a great supper tonight” and keep finding ways to recognize what you are doing well. • Avoid criticizing yourself – try to speak positively about yourself - for example; “Exercise is good for me, even when I’m lazy, so here I go!”.

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• Practise regular self-care - take care of your health, set aside some time each week for fun things that you really enjoy like reading a book, learning a new skill, going for a walk or having a relaxing bath. • Spend time with friends (online) - who are positive and support you, rather than those that drain your energy and are constantly critical or negative. • Replace guilty feelings and perfectionism with ‘good enough’ – whenever we feel guilty that we’re not performing well, it takes its toll on our self-esteem. Learn to tell yourself that you are “good enough” (especially when you’re feeling guilty for taking time for much needed self-care). Without intending it, there are many things that we do and say about ourselves that are influencing our kids. At the same time, there are many daily “building-up moments” which you can use to help improve how you feel and talk about yourself, which can make a great difference to your children. Remember there are tons of fun ways to care for yourself that will make you less stressed, improve your self-esteem and well-being, and make you a better parent, even in stressful times like these! Once you start feeling the benefits of taking good care of yourself, your self-esteem improves and you’ll be even more motivated to build your kids’ self-esteem. Go ahead and make this your new moto: “when I am feeling good it helps my kids to feel good.” By investing in feeling good, everyone wins!

Join psychologist Carol Surya every week for her free Parents Support Q&A sessions online - email info@raisingkidspositively.com for more details.

Meet the cover stars OUR ADORABLE COVER STAR THIS MONTH IS TYLER DAVID RILEY, BORN ON 2 MARCH THIS YEAR.

yler lives with his parents, Tiffany and Brendon, and his twin sisters, Mia Rochelle and Lily Catherine Riley (four years old) in Pretoria East. “Tyler is such a happy and content little boy, and knows how to melt anyone’s heart with his cute chubby little face and big smiles,” says Tiffany. “Although he was a prem baby, he was born at a normal birth weight and hasn’t shown the signs of being a prem baby in terms of his growth and reaching milestones. He learnt from a very young age that being in our arms was preferred and does not like to be left to sleep on his own. He always needs to feel our presence, only co-sleeping in our bed and will happily breastfeed all day long. He loves to hear the noises of his sisters creat-

ing chaos around him, and loves it when his sisters talk to him and make him smile.” “As parents, we love being able to experience how our children grow and reach each milestone as they mould into amazing little human beings with their own thoughts and opinions on everything from such a young age,” say Tiffany and Brendon. Advice to new parents: “Appreciate all the small things, exercise patience and understanding in your children’s growth and life experiences. Make sure there is always a balance between work and life and how important it is to force downtime as a family to stay connected. Remember to try capture as many moments as you can on camera time goes by so fast and our children grow up too quickly,” concludes Tiffany.

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Book Reviews by Bargain Books MUM’S MAIL HAS A R2000 BARGAIN BOOKS VOUCHERS TO GIVE AWAY. FOR CHILDREN WHERE HAPPINESS LIVES by Barry Timms. This gorgeously illustrated Little Tiger Press title with flaps to lift and peepthrough pages is not only a smile-inducing picture book but also a wonderful way to engage children in discussions of happiness. It explores contentment, materialism and teaches us that more is not always better. I especially loved that it reminds us that you might just have all that you already need. It made me take time to pause, take stock of what I already have, and find happiness there. In a world of “too much”, a title like this reminds us of what really matters. A terrific addition to any home or classroom bookshelf. ZAP! EXTRA: TOO CUTE ERASERS by Hinkler. With magical, moldable, bakeable eraser clay, sculpt 12 of your very own gorgeous creations with eraser clay, and then bake them in the oven to make erasers that are just too cute! With a 48-page instructional book, 6 packets of clay, two specialised clay sculpting tools, black ‘kawaii’ eyes, and glitter to make your designs sparkle, it is just so simple! This delightful kit also includes cheery press-out boxes to fold and use to display your incredible designs. One thing is for sure, kids of eight years and older will never have to worry about making an error again!

FOR ADULTS JOY AT WORK: ORGANIZING YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE by Marie Kondo and Scott Sonenshein. Want to rid the clutter that is piling on your desk, clogging your calendar, and infiltrating your personal networks? With the great strategies in this new title by bestselling author and Netflix star Marie Kondo and Rice University business professor Scott Sonenshein, you will be able to eliminate clutter and make space for work that really matters. This is also a must read for anyone wanting to rid themselves of internal mind clutter and wanting to gain more joy in their everyday work life.

Reviews by Bianca Noel-Barham, Bargain Books on 021 706 1461, bianca@bargainbooks.co.za or visit www.bargainbooks.co.za. Follow them on Instagram & Facebook: @bargainbookssa.

WIN WIN WIN Mum’s Mail has a R2000 Bargain Books vouchers to give away. Visit www.mumsmail.com to enter. 6

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Holistic Family Debt Management LOOKING AT YOUR FAMILY’S FINANCIAL SITUATION IN A HOLISTIC WAY HELPS YOU EXAMINE ALL ASPECTS OF IT.

• All your past and present debt obligations • Any defaults or court orders you have with creditors • Any enquiries that creditors have made about you. Once each family member has accessed their credit report, using all the information provided in it, make a list of all of your debt obligations, from the largest to the smallest. Creating a financial plan If you have spare money to settle your debt as a family, make sure you tackle the smallest loans with the highest interest charges first. That way you can start whittling down the bulk of your credit agreements. Remember you can also enlist the help of a financial adviser to help with your family’s financial planning.

ll the individual parts in a financial plan need a ‘clean bill of health’ for your ‘family finance machine’ to function optimally as a whole. Debt is one of those ‘parts’ and something Visit us at www.oldmutual.co.za talk to a financial adviser today. we all take on in some form. Family financial audit Many families are struggling to gauge how much debt they are saddled with and how to manage their way out of it. This is when doing a family credit audit is so helpful. As a family, talk openly and honestly about who owes what to whom and, as a starting point, access your free credit report online. Sign up to Old Mutual Rewards and earn rewards points by accessing your annual credit report for free. The credit report A credit report is a document that’s compiled by credit bureaus and it provides information that creditors may use to help them decide if they want to extend credit to you. It will include: • Your personal information Old Mutual Life Assurance Company (South Africa) Limited is a • Your credit score Licensed Financial Services Provider

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Houseplant Comeback THE BEST REASON TO INVEST IN LOTS OF HOUSEPLANTS IS THAT ONE CAN GARDEN AND PLAY AROUND WITH NATURE AT ANY TIME, EVEN ON THOSE DAYS WHEN IT’S JUST TOO COLD TO GO OUTSIDE INTO THE GARDEN.

owever, there are many more reasons to love houseplants, and here are five more. • Some, like peace lilies (Spathiphyllum) and Ficus species, are good air purifiers. They are also proven to provide a calmness to a living or work space. • Flowering houseplants last much longer than cut flowers, thus making them better value for money winter favourites are Cyclamens and Azaleas. • Large and dramatic tropical leaves like those of Monsteras and Philodendrons are still totally on-trend! • Sculptural plants and large palms make for delightful natural decor items. • Potted herbs which can be kept on a sunny kitchen windowsill for easy access are also in! Try chives, coriander, mint and Vietnamese

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coriander for spicy curries this winter. COOL HOUSEPLANTS TO TRY OUT Staghorn fern (Platycerium): an epiphytic tropical plant with two types of leaves. It has tough bright green antler-like foliage as well as flat basal-like leaves, which can turn brown and papery. This plant is normally sold already mounted on a piece of wood. Hang it in bright, diffused sunlight and mist regularly with water. Zebra plant (Calathea): this tropical plant with its lovely mottled leaves enjoys a humid atmosphere and bright diffused light. Frequent misting will prevent brown leaf edges, and regular feeding with a water soluble fertiliser at halfstrength will keep it lush. African milk tree (Euphorbia trigona): this is a tall, slender and erect suc-

culent from Namibia. The dark-green branches are three-cornered and ridged, with white mottling along their entire length and short brown thorns on each ridge. Vertical ranks of spoonshaped leaves are held on the tips and along the sides of each branch. Maranta tricolor: Another indoor plant that comes from the hot tropics, Maranta, sports beautiful multi-coloured leaves - bold magenta, olive green, and lime green. Their white flowers will appear in spring and add a refreshing contrast to the brightness of the leaves. Give them acidic and well-draining soil, indirect sunlight, and frequent water in the growing season. They are susceptible to fungal infections if overwatered and succumb to drought if they’re under-watered, so balance is key. Source: www.lifeisagarden.co.za.

8 Tips to Grow Herbs in an Apartment DON’T GET TOO OVERWHELMED BY EACH HERB’S SPECIFIC NEEDS. A LITTLE GENERAL GARDENING KNOW-HOW CAN HELP YOU MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR HERB GARDEN.

ere are some gardening tips from the prodessionals. 1. Start small If you’re new to growing herbs or your space is limited, start with two to three herbs. Select the ones that you believe you will use the most. 2. Choose herbs you like to eat Start your apartment herb garden with herbs you like to use or that you’d typically buy at the grocery store. Once you get used to cooking with fresh herbs, there’s nothing better than having a plant on the windowsill you can snip a few leaves from to create salads and other dishes. 3. Pick the right spot You may live in a concrete jungle, but try to find your herbs as much natural light as possible. “Place them in a sunny spot near a window or on a deck, where they’ll get at least six hours of sun daily. 4. Don’t put your herbs together, unless they like one another Not all herbs are friends, so don’t put them in the same container. Each herb may have its own needs, which conflict with

another herb that you are trying to grow in the same pot. 5. Don’t overwater your herbs The biggest mistake that gardeners and cooks make is to overwater their herbs. If the leaves start turning yellow, you are probably watering too much. 6. Use high-quality potting soil Invest in an organic, high-quality potting soil. Don’t use soil from outdoors, as that’s a good way to bring unwanted pests into your home. 7. Water the soil, not the leaves Unless you want to grow fungus (you don’t!), water the soil of your herbs, not the leaves. 8. Don’t let your herbs sit in water Make sure you give your herbs welldrained soil, so water doesn’t pool. And, don’t let them sit in a tray full of water. Once you water your herbs, let them drain into the saucer for a few minutes, and then empty the saucer out so it’s dry. Leaving your plants sitting in water can cause root rot. Source: www.organicauthority.com.

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Mental Health in a Pandemic WE ARE CURRENTLY SUBMERGED IN A WORLD WHERE THERE IS A CONSTANT OBSESSION WITH ONE’S PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS – DO I HAVE A TEMPERATURE, IS THAT NIGGLE IN MY THROAT SOMETHING MORE, COULD THAT MILD SHORTNESS OF BREATH MEAN THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH MY LUNGS?

he COVID-19 pandemic has not only given us a physical disease to contend with but also, and often overlooked, a disruption in our mental health. The incessant temperature taking, and hand sanitizing is taking its toll on us all. Not to mention the threat of retrenchment, loss of income and isolated family members who we can’t visit. Anxiety levels and depression have increased during this very uncertain time. Those who were already anxious are now hitting their breaking point and those that were previously ‘fine’ are now starting to experience constant worry and a feeling of being overwhelmed. If you are reading this and feel out of control, know that you are not alone and there are

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some measures to help you cope better. • Maintain a healthy lifestyle – eat a wellbalanced diet, get good quality sleep, and exercise moderately for about 30 minutes a day. Please don’t take the exercise to the extreme though as it can lead to injury or feelings of inadequacy if you aren’t posting all your workout videos on social media. • Avoid excessive alcohol consumption and smoking to deal with your emotions. • Gather the facts regarding COVID-19 to ensure that you accurately determine your risk so that you can take reasonable precautions. Use a credible source such as the WHO or NICD. • Lessen the constant news exposure that we all seem to have grown very accustomed to. Do not have your TV or radio tuned onto the media coverage throughout the day it can cause more worry and agitation. • Consider times in your life where things have been tough and you’ve managed to come through the other side. Use these skills to deal with the anxiety and worry caused by the pandemic. If you’ve implemented the above measures and are still experiencing some symptoms of anxiety or depression, then it is best if you make an appointment to see your doctor. He/she can explain the various pharmacological options available to you as well as recommend a psychologist to help with development of coping skills. So remember the next time you are worrying about your temperature, take a quick check of your mental health, it’s just as important! By Dr Laura Troskie, www.umhlangagp.net.

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Empathy Skills are Key to Better Learning NELSON MANDELA FAMOUSLY STATED THAT EDUCATION IS THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON WHICH YOU CAN USE TO CHANGE THE WORLD.

ccording to Cindy Glass, Co-Founder and Owner of Step Up Education Centres, “Negative behaviours such as aggression, bullying, disrespect toward teachers and peers, intolerance and demotivation seem to be hindering our children’s ability to learn effectively and this has resulted in the learning experience, in general, becoming one of distrust, anxiety, stress and misery. Our innate need to learn is being destroyed by negative human behaviours and relationships and this equates to an ever-increasing lack of empathy skills.” The one life skill that she believes can change this is empathy. “This all-important life skill is the ability to identify with another person’s feelings and experiences. Empathy essentially allows children to ‘walk’ in another’s shoes and it teaches them to genuinely have respect for others, even in difficult circumstances. It teaches kindness, compassion and listening skills. Empathy teaches children to seek the good in others and to embrace differing beliefs and cultures. Empathy helps

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children to seek positive solutions to difficulties and challenges, without intending hurt for another. Just imagine the possibilities in learning if our children could master the skill of empathy!” Cindy gives 5 helpful tips to teach your child to become more empathetic: YOU are your child’s first and longest-lasting teacher: Your child is more likely to do what you do, rather than what you say. It is up to you to model, instruct and expect your child to care about and behave respectfully toward others. Teach your child to express himself in a positive way: If he is upset, teach him to express the feelings he is experiencing in words so that a positive solution can be found. Allow uncomfortable conversations that need expression. Teach your child to allow others to express their feelings in the same way: This leads to listening skills. Teach your child to learn to listen to understand the other person without the need for defensive responses. Listen with an open, non-judgemental mind. Genuinely hear what others are saying.

Strive to create a meaningful, face-to-face connection with your children: Social media has desensitised us in so many ways that meaningful, wholehearted human relationships are becoming rare! People make-up and break-up over the phone. Some of the most misunderstood arguments and hurtful words are given over a digitised device. Nothing can replace face-to-face positive human connection and relationships. Teach your children to value themselves, their strengths and their weaknesses: Remember that we are only able to treat others based on how we feel about ourselves. Teach them of their worthiness to love and be loved. Teach them the value of each human being walking the earth with them- do we not ALL share the same human spirit? Do we not all bleed, cry, smile and breathe in the same way? Just as you teach your children to respect themselves, so we MUST teach them to respect others, to choose kindness and to master the skill of empathy.

Building a New Generation of Futureproof Entrepreneurs FUTUREPROOF MAKES ENTREPRENEURSHIP COURSES AVAILABLE TO KIDS ONLINE.

ith a few valuable months now lost, schools will be hard-pressed to get their learners through the remainder of the year. Having recognised the need for an online learning platform, Futureproof SA’s online offering, The Quest, makes it possible for learners as young as age five to undertake in entrepreneurship courses, outside of the classroom. Futureproof’s new online programme, The Quest, is intuitive, engaging and fun – like learning should be. Here, kids can learn at their own pace and as they feel comfortable. It offers 10 adventure levels, especially and intelligently structured for kids of all ages. The learning system integrates entrepreneurial learning science with a digital interface to create interactive content. More than a classroom behind a screen, learners turn into players who can build their own avatars as they progress through the levels. It’s packed with animations, enhanced functionalities and fun characters”. Futureproof not only teaches the skills needed to start and run a business but it builds critical behavioural competencies to provide a strong foundation for succes. More than ever, kids need to architect their own futures. “Be it in the classroom or at home, we need to educate children on the practical application of entrepreneurship to create a generation of informed, thriving youths,” says Lisa Illingworth, co-founder and CEO of Futureproof SA. Entrepreneurs (and intrapreneurs) possess several much-needed skills for survival – especially in these tough times. “They identify a problem/gap and create a service or a product to solve this and generate a flow of money. Their tenacity is something

that few can relate to,” says Lisa. “Entrepreneurs sacrifice short-term gain to deliver a long-term solution and derive an income from their efforts. Nothing comes easy to an entrepreneur, so persistence is key”. In terms of off-site support, Futureproof’s team of superheroes are always on hand. The business has seen many lives changed and recently a team of boys from Parkfields Primary School, aged 11, refurbished bicycle parts after doing the lesson on planning and in one week made R265. Their teacher commented that she had seen some kids that hardly ever engage academically, come alive when they were exposed to the course and the people teaching it. To find out more about The Quest, visit: www.futureproofonline.co.za.

WIN WIN WIN! Mum’s Mail has 10 Kids’ Entrepreneurship Courses from Futureproof to give away. Visit www.mumsmail.com to enter.

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Teaching Children How To Think From an Early Age ACCORDING TO MARGARET MEAD, AN AMERICAN CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGIST, CHILDREN MUST BE TAUGHT HOW TO THINK NOT WHAT TO THINK.

he earlier we can equip our children with the relevant skills on how to think, the better. 9 PILLARS THAT PLAY A VERY CRITICAL ROLE IN TEACHING A CHILD HOW TO THINK 1. Listening A child must know (and apply) the basic secrets to effective listening. 2. Critical vs. Non critical information A child must learnt that NOT all information is important. A child must be able to identify which information is CRITICAL and which infor-

mation is NON-CRITICAL. 3. Keyword Identification Once a child is able to determine which information is CRITICAL INFORMATION, he must be able to draw out key concepts from both a written level as well as an auditory level. 4. Effective Reading Now that your child knows how to identify CRITICAL INFORMATION and KEYWORDS, he must learn to comprehend information on a written and an auditory level. 5. Effective Note-taking Note-taking effectively

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increases ones concentration as well as retention in the classroom considerably. A child must learn from an early age how to take notes of the critical information heard in the classroom. 6. Summarising In order to boost a childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s retention and understanding, he must be able to know how to summarise the critical information of a text. 7. Memory A child must know how to use and apply the best memory systems, to enhance recall and the ability to think critically. 8. Revision Revision means to see again. The more a child learns to see the information again, the more his brain will trust that it is important and should be stored. A child must know when, how and how often to reinforce key information learnt in the classroom and from written text. 9. The Art of Skilful Living Real intelligence is creating products and services that are valued by society. A child must learn to think critically and apply his genius to real world problems. By Kath Denholm.

How do I Teach my Child to Listen?

“LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU!” “ARE YOU DEAF?!” “SHUT UP….I MEAN ZIP YOUR LIPS AND LISTEN!” “ARE YOU SITTING ON YOUR EARS?” “ARE THOSE THINGS ON THE SIDE OF YOUR HEAD DECORATIONS?!”

oes the above sound familiar (excuse the pun)? 3 REASONS WHY IT IS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR CHILD TO LISTEN 1. Listening forms the foundation to human relationships. According to Dr Rachel Naomi Remen, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” 2. Listening helps a child improve their knowledge and understanding. 3. In order for a child to mature and grow into a wellrespected member of society, they need to know how to listen. Listening improves knowledge. In Brigette Hyacinth’s article, listening is the most important skill a leader can master.

How does one listen? According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word listen means to give one’s attention to sound. If you had to ask your child to brainstorm ‘how do I listen’, what would say? More importantly what would you say? 4 Secrets to Listening These secrets appear simple! Be warned, they are not! The secrets are difficult and laborious to teach but the younger your child can master these skills the better. 1. STOP. Whenever your child hears a voice directed at him, he needs to STOP whatever he is doing. 2. LOOK. Once your child has mastered the art of stopping, he needs to LOOK. LOOK at the owner of the voice. 3. THINK. Once your child has STOPPED, LOOKED and

STUDIED the speaker’s lips, he must THINK about what has been said. Your child needs to process what has been uttered and decide what to do with it. They need to decide what words in the information are CRITICAL and then take action. 4. DOODLE. This secret only applies to the child who can write. Doodle means to ‘scribble absent-mindedly’. Kids prefer the word doodle to note-taking. If your child can learn to scribble presentmindedly in the classroom from an early age, it will result in genius. In this article, Dyan Robson lists many activities one can do to improve your child’s listening skills. When carrying out these activities, try and incorporate the 4 secrets to listening. By Kath Denholm. Small Busine Franch ss is info@li es FOR SAL E ttleact ors.co : .za

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littleactors.co.za • @LittleActorsZA • 082 441 5911 • queenbee@littleactors.co.za WWW.MUMSMAIL.COM EDUCATED LIFE

Discussing Loss with Your Child F

HILTON-BASED COUNSELLING PSYCHOLOGIST, WENDY CORFE, TALKS TO US ABOUT HOW TO HELP OUR CHILDREN COPE WITH LOSS.

or many of us death is an uncomfortable topic and one from which we would prefer to shield our children. The reality is that most children do experience loss (often of a beloved pet) during childhood. Given this and the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic, it may be useful to think about how to support your child through the grieving process. Support begins with being honest with your child. If a family member or pet becomes very ill and has to go to hospital, inform your child and answer his/her questions regarding prognosis honestly. This gives your child time emotionally to prepare for the worst. Don’t make promises about outcomes that you cannot keep. In the event of needing to explain that someone has died, keep language simple and age-appropriate, for example; that grandpa was very ill and he has died. This means that his heart stopped working and that his body is still and no longer in pain. If you are religious, you can use your beliefs to further explain where you believe the person’s soul is. Avoid using euphemisms like “gone to

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sleep,” or “Jesus took him,” as these explanations can cause potential anxiety in children about going to sleep or about Jesus. Involve your child in any rituals or ceremonies to honour the dead person. Rituals provide closure and there is comfort in being united in grief with friends and family. Encourage your child, if the occasion permits it, to write/dictate a few words about the loved one to be read out with the other tributes. If the deceased is a pet, lighting a candle, saying a few words about the meaning of the animal to the child and saying a prayer can be a helpful way of providing closure. Some children may find it useful to plant a flower or tree in remembrance of the loved one. Once the initial shock of the loss wears off, your child will need to be able to grieve and this process can take time. As a parent, you provide a model for your child on how to process and deal with grief. Allow your child to see you cry and explain why you are crying, this gives them permission to also cry when they are grieving. Speak about the deceased often. This can be

painful and bitter-sweet at first but it provides a connection to the deceased and shows that it is okay to talk about him/her if needed. Children sometimes engage in magical thinking when a loved one dies and secretly blame themselves for having caused their death by, for e.g. not saying goodbye or by refusing to give them a hug. Being able to speak openly about the deceased allows for this magical thinking to be revealed and resolved. Give your child control over his/her grief. Helping your child to compile a special memory box of items which remind him/her of the loved one can be a beautiful way to remember and feel close to that person when they need to. Contents could be photos, personal items belonging to the loved one like a watch or ring, a small item of clothing smelling of the loved one, a toy given by the deceased – your child will know what needs to go into the box. Some families also put together photo books of special times with the deceased for which the child writes the story and this can be a wonderful, cathartic healing experience and resource for your child when needed.

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Build a Bat Box THANKS TO LIFEISAGARDEN.CO.ZA YOU CAN BUILD YOUR OWN BAT BOX!

at facts: • Most bats spend the summers in trees, under bridges, or in old buildings. • They are a protected species in South Africa and it is illegal to harm them. • They are not vampires (thank goodness). There are 3 species of bats which feed on the blood of large mammals, but they do not bite into human necks and suck our blood. Why should you build a bat box? One bat box can host up to 50 brown bats, who in turn will eat thousands of bugs each night, hooray! Bats love to eat mosquitos, yippee! One little brown bat could eat over 1000

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mosquito-sized insects in one night. Amazing! Bats play a role in plant pollination too. Fruit trees, night flowering plants, and a variety of other flora can all benefit from having more of these friendly pollinators around. Tools needed: This project will require some basic carpentry skills. It’s a good idea to get dad involved in helping you built this bat box. • Table saw or handsaw • Caulking gun • Drill and drill bits • Paintbrushes • Tape measure • Staple gun (optional) • Two clamps for clamping wood while you saw or drill

• Safety glasses for when you use power tools Materials needed: • Piece of plywood: 60 cm x 120 cm x 1.5 cm • Piece of cedar or pine board: 2.5 cm x 5 cm x 250 cm • Piece of cedar or pine board: 2.5 cm x 10 cm x 60 cm • Tube of paintable, nontoxic, latex caulk • Exterior-grade, non-toxic, water-based paint or stain • Wire or rubber mesh • A super-cool Batman stencil • Spray paint Steps to building the bat house Measure and cut the 60 cm x 120 cm x 1.5 cm

piece of plywood into three pieces: 60 cm x 65 cm (for the backplate) 60 cm x 40 cm (for the top half of the front plate) The remaining 60 cm x 15 cm piece will be used as the bottom half of the front plate Cut grooves into the entire backplate (for the bats to hold on to), or attach wire or rubber mesh using a staple gun. Measure and cut the 2.5 cm x 5 cm x 250 cm cedar board into one 60 cm piece and two 55 cm pieces. These are referred to as “furring strips,” and will be sandwiched between the front and backplates. Apply caulk to all 3 of the furring strips and attach to the inside of the backplate (the side with the grooves/mesh). Apply caulk to the other sides of the furring strips (that are now attached to the backplate), and attach the top section of the front plate first. Then, attach the bottom half of the front plate, leaving a 2cm gap between the

top and bottom halves for ventilation. Wait at least 30 minutes for caulk to dry. Apply caulk to the 2.5 cm x 10 cm x 60 cm cedar board and place on the top of the box, with the edges equally off the box, to function as the roof. Add one or two screws to the top corners to hold the roof in place. Seal the entire box up by caulking every joint of the exterior of the box where wood touches wood. Bats want a dry home, free from drafts. Add some screws through the front plate, the furring strips, and the backplate, to ensure the structure is firmly secured.

Apply your Batman stencil and spray paint away! Wait until all your stencils are completely dry. Paint the exterior of the box with the water-based exterior paint/stain. Where to position your bat box These shelters need to be placed in a mostly sunny location. East-facing is usually best, where it will get morning light while being protected from afternoon sun. Position your bat house at least 5 metres off the ground to protect them against predators. A water source nearby would be super so that mommy bat doesn’t have to leave her young for too long. Source: www.lifeisagarden.co.za.

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CHILD’S PLAY: Décor Ideas for Kids’ Rooms INTERIOR DESIGNER TARYN FLANAGAN OF TARYN FLANAGAN INTERIORS SHARES SOME CLEVER IDEAS FOR DECORATING YOUR CHILD’S BEDROOM. units, pretty baskets or shelves in fun shapes can make a feature out of a functional item - and hopefully, encourage children to tidy up and keep their space looking beautiful and neat.

n antique piece can work brilliantly in a child’s room, especially if it is painted a bright colour. A lick of paint in a striking colour, new handles and some textured accessories can turn an old piece of furniture into a standout and functional feature in the room.

It’s so important to encourage children to read and making books easily accessible is key. This simple leather strap attached to the headboard ensures that the little occupant of this room always has a book within easy reach, and knows exactly where his place is.

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Making a room feel like a secret hideaway is always a hit with children. Adding a set of gauzy curtains is an easy way to add a magical feel to any space. Here, the same set of curtains encloses the top and bottom bunks making for two cosy spaces to escape to. The addition of the pompom trim is a final charming touch.

Keeping clutter at bay in a child’s bedroom or playroom can feel like a losing battle, but incorporating a few eye-catching storage

Children’s rooms are meant to be fun spaces which means you have leeway to go a little wild with décor. All kids have loads of toys, so why not use some of them as décor items instead of hiding them away in cupboards and drawers? In this little boy’s room, a set of shelves makes the perfect home for a collection of animal figurines that tie in with the safari-theme of the room. Written by Candice Botha, Journalist and Copywriter. Visit www.writestylestudio. com for words that wow. Photographs Supplied by Taryn Flanagan Interiors, Taryn Flanagan Interiors: www. tarynflanaganinteriors.co.za , 031 001 10 10, taryn@tdsagency.co.za

Teach Your Children How to Rise Above All Challenges A GUIDE ON HOW TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY TO RETURN TO SCHOOL AFTER LOCK DOWN

t is a very stressful time for the education system and for parents who are striving to do the best for their children who are returning to school. The structure and discipline which schools provide is essential for their growth. It is inevitable that normal life will resume, with this ‘extended school holiday’ not really benefitting mothers who need to return to work. Many parents have made the decision to send their children back to school because of their holistic development. Others still harbour fears that their child may be at great risk of contracting the Covid-19 virus and have taken the step to keep them at home. As a mother of three, I understand the anxiety that goes with exposing your child to such a risk. However, if you are motivated to move forward and create a new normal, you have to make more effort to equip your children to adapt to any situation during these changing times. Here are some steps you can take as parents to empower your children: Help them to feel safe and secure by eradicating any fears and worries that you may have about their return to school. Children often pick up on your anxiety, likewise your calmness and positivity about them returning to school will also rub off on them. Educate your child about the different stages of lock down and the measures of hygiene that they would need to follow to be safe. Use creative role play exercises at

home to demonstrate the level of social distancing required at school, and enact the dos and don’ts in a fun way. Prepare them mentally with short daily quizzes as a recap of their term’s work, and practice brain gym exercises with them to activate their memory box. Connecting them with their school friends via a video call will get them in high spirits and contribute to their motivation and optimism about returning to school. School plays a huge role in their social, personal and academic development. Help your child to rid themselves of negative thoughts or paranoia about contracting the virus at school, by reminding them to have faith in God and in themselves. Spirituality for children during these uncertain times also contributes to psychological wellbeing and is the only constant that they can look to, to boost their inner strength and courage. We can get our children ready for school by going back to basics: strict sleeping and wake up times, and creating a routine similar to school will support them in their transition. Be aware of your child’s emotional concerns that may affect them negatively. Get professional assistance if necessary. Create resilient children who are able to stay focused on positive outcomes and are fully equipped to handle any challenges that come their way.

By Farah Manjoo, Female & Kids Empowerment Coach, www.baraaqahealingsanctuary.co.za.

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30 Minute Broccoli Cheddar Soup HEALTHY BROCCOLI CHEDDAR SOUP PACKED WITH CARROTS, BROCCOLI, GARLIC, AND CHEESE. THIS CREAMY VELVETY SOUP CAN BE MADE IN UNDER 30 MINUTES!

Ingredients • 4 tablespoons butter • ½ medium onion chopped • 2-3 cloves garlic, minced • 4 tablespoons flour • 2 cups low sodium chicken or vegetable stock • 1 tsp kosher salt • ½ tsp black pepper • ¼ tsp paprika or ground nutmeg, optional • 3 cups broccoli florets or 1 large head, cut into small pieces • 1 large carrot grated, julienned or finely chopped • 2 cups light or heavy cream • 220g block grated cheddar cheese or 2 cups (mild, medium, or sharp)

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Instructions Melt butter in a pot over medium-high heat. Add the onion and cook for three to four minutes or until softened and light gold. Add the garlic and saute for another minute. Add flour and whisk for one to two minutes or until the flour begins to turn golden in colour. Pour in the chicken stock, broccoli florets, carrots, and seasoning. Bring to a boil then reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 15 minutes or until the broccoli and carrots are cooked through. Stir in the cream and cheddar cheese and simmer for another minute. Taste and adjust seasoning if needed. Serve with toasted crusty bread or in a bread bowl if desired. Source: www.gimmedelicious.com.

Energy Bars THE BEST ENERGY BARS FOR YOUR NEXT ADVENTURE!

Ingredients: • 125g butter • 1/4 cup honey • 1 cup raw oats • 1/4 cup raisins • 1/4 cup cranberries • 1/4 cup chopped dried peaches or mango • 3/4 cup self-raising flour • 1/2 cup brown sugar • A handful of chosen seeds or nuts like pumpkin seeds, chopped almonds or sunflower seeds Method Preheat the oven to 170°C and prepare a

baking tray with non-stick spray and baking paper. Melt butter and honey and set aside. In a big mixing bowl, mix all the other ingredients together and add melted butter mixture and mix it all together. Press into the prepared tray and smooth off the top with the back of the spoon. Bake for about 20 minutes, or until just golden. Allow to cool completely in the tray, then cut into squares. Store in an airtight container once completely cool.

Recipe by Danielle Du Toit, www.pheka.co.za.