Helping Kids through Big

Helping Kids through Big Changes

WE’VE ALL HAD TO DEAL WITH SO MUCH CHANGE THIS YEAR, AND CHILDREN CAN BE ESPECIALLY AFFECTED BY ALL THE CHANGES THAT HAVE HAPPENED.

Because they are still dehaviour starts to change veloping, they are more a lot (e.g. more attentionvulnerable to big changes. seeking, demanding, poor It’s not only all the Cogrades, changes in sleep vid-19 pandemic ‘talk’ and and concentration etc.) changes that ‘lockdown’ Big changes can be both and its stages have brought exciting and stressful for about. A separation, divorce our kids, so preparing them or remarriage, moving in advance really does wonhomes or cities, the birth of ders for them to cope with, a brother or sister, changing and even enjoy the change schools and even starting a when it happens. new grade, all mark a major Top tips change for a child. All of • Constantly put yourself these can affect them a lot, in their shoes (ask yourself sometimes even damaging “how would I feel if I was their developing selfhim or her?”). esteem. By understanding • Talk about it - by this, and preparing them in discussing the upcomadvance for the changes ing change, it offers kids a that lie ahead, you can help healthy way to let out their them manage the stress of feelings (older children may the change - and everyone prefer to write about how ends up coping better! they are feeling in a journal).

How kids cope depends on: • Keep them involved and/ • Their age and personality or informed in the prepara

How much change tions - this helps them feel they’ve already experienced safer and builds the bond • How well prepared they between you and them. were for the change • Give them extra reassur• Your reaction, responance, love and affection - in siveness and support times of change our kids before, during and after need us to be there for them the change even more than usual.

You will know if they’re • Answer all of their not coping well with the questions honestly - it change when their behurts kids more when we

avoid answering or come up with ‘white lies’ to hide the real truth. • Acknowledge their fears - change can be very scary; instead of ignoring their fears, allow them to think about and even make a list of what they are most afraid of (this way you can tackle each fear one by one). • Encourage them to find the positives (once fears have been named) - all changes can be both exciting and frightening, depending on what you focus on. • Expect them to have a range of feelings - mixed feelings are very common when faced with big changes - for example; excited and anxious). • Be patient - give them time to adjust (some children need a lot more time to settle after a big change than others). • Take care of your own emotions - our kids cope best when we are coping well with a situation.

By preparing our kids for life-changing events, we are helping them to cope far better with the change, and teaching them that there are healthy ways to adjust to whatever life throws at them.

Follow psychologist Carol Surya on Instagram, Facebook and YouTube @ RaisingKidsPositively where she offers calm, creative and conscious positive parenting solutions. Visit www.raisingkidspositively.com.