parenting*
maintaining and respecting
BOUNDARIES CHRISTY HERSELMAN PONDERS OVER WHAT ACTOR WILL SMITH TAUGHT US ABOUT BOUNDARIES, AND THE LACK THEREOF
“L
ove makes you do crazy things.” This was the justification given by Will Smith at the recent Academy Awards after storming onstage to slap Chris Rock for making a joke at his wife’s expense. Will’s actions have been widely condemned for many reasons, and as I watched the
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spectacle unfold, what struck me was his complete lack of boundaries. Boundaries can be defined as the invisible line where I end and the world around me begins. They affect both my incoming and outgoing interactions. Without them my identity and behaviour is dictated by what others think and do. Developing healthy boundaries not only
creates a sense of autonomy, but also bring clarity to relationships. So what can we learn from Will’s “love made me do it” moment? Self-control There should be a boundary between what happens to me and my response. Will was offended; lost control and reacted. Healthy boundaries help us respond appropriately to situations. Our children are often slaves to whim and emotion. Modelling a self-controlled response to tough situations teaches our children that our lives should be governed by discipline, respect and mindfulness. Ownership What Will should have done after his Oscar outburst was to own it. Instead of blaming his violence on “love” he should have taken responsibility. It is important that our children learn that they alone control their thoughts, emotions and choices. One way to model this is to apologise when we make mistakes. There is something so humbling about asking your five-year-old to forgive you for an angry outburst, and by doing so you show her what it means to take ownership of our choices and actions. Respect When Will flew off the handle, he violated
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