The Cabbie: Definitive Edition

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HEY, PETE, IT LOOKS LIKe… LIKE…

THE big CITY… MIDNIGHT. IT’S THE FIRST OF THE MONTH… PAYDAY. and the weekend is here… TIME FOR PEOPLE TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOT AT LADY LUCK…

C’MON, TONY! WE’VE GOT TO CELEBRATE! check it out, I’VE GOT THE NUMBERS OF SOME GIRLS WE CAN CALL …

NO… THIS IS A LOT OF MONEY… BETTER LEAVE IT IN A SAFE PLACE AT HOME. BESIDES, I’VE GOT ALL THE WOMEN I NEED… HA-HA-HA!! A TAXI SLOWLY PULLS UP TO THE BINGO HALL, HOPING to collect A FARE. I’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW …WE’LL CELEBRATE!

john peterson. FATHER OF A LARGE FAMILY. UNEMPLOYED FOR THE PAST twenty-nine MONTHS. HAS A SON IN JAIL SERVING A THREE-YEAR SENTENCE. RUNS A TRASH-COLLECTING OUTFIT DOWN BY THE BEACH WITH HIS PARTNER, JOHN THOMAS. LIVES WITH HIS FAMILY IN A SHACK NEAR THE CITY SLUMS.

FUCKIN’ COLD!

as THE TAXI WINDS DOWN A DESERTED STREET, the MOTORCYCList FOLLOWS DISCREETLY….

SOME WINTER WE’RE HAVING, HUH, PAL?

YEAH, BUT TONIGHT I COULD’nt CARE LESS! HEH HEH HEH!

SO, YOU DID ALL RIGHT AT BINGO, HUH?

HEH HEH HEH heh heh...!!

AN ARMED ROBBERy! THIS GUY LOOKS LIKE A REAL SCUMBAG!

I SAID, COUGH IT UP!!

BUT NOW I CAN’T ACTIVATE THE SHIELD… OPEN THE DOOR, YOU FAT FUCK!!

STEP ON IT, shithead! I’LL SHOW YOU, YOU LOWLIFE SCUM!!

HERE’S THE ACCUSED’S STATEMENT… LET’S SEE: john peterson, UNEMPLOYED, HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD… NO, MORE LIKE the RINGLEADER OF A FAMILY OF CROOKS… LIVES IN THE SLUMS… BUSTED FOR SMUGGLING IRON AND LEAD… SIGN HERE.

YOUR TURN, BABY!

PHEWWW! WELL, I THINK I DESERVE A REST. THAT’S ENOUGH WORK FOR ONE DAY!

ONCE AGAIN, please accept our gratitude. YOU’LL BE receivING A SUMMONS FOR THE DAY OF THE TRIAL. THANKS.

THE CABBIE helps to uphold the law.

NOW BACK TO OUR HERO AND FRIEND, THE CABBIE. HE’S 30 YEARS OLD, BLOND, A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY BACHELOR, AND HE LOVES HIS JOB. YOU MIGHT SAY THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND IS HIS TAXI. IF YOU ASK WHAT HE THINKS OF THE JOB HE’LL SAY “IT’S THE BEST SERVICE A GUY CAN PROVIDE FOR PEOPLE… BESIDES BEING A COP, OF COURSE…”

HIS FIRST PUBLIC SERVICE WAS TO RID THE COUNTRY OF A DANGEROUS ARMED CRIMINAL. HE CALLS THIS “helping to uphold the law.”

HERE’S ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE CABBIE’S DUTIES. WITH HIS SQUAD CAR (THE TAXI) HE HELPS CLEAN UP THE FILTH THAT GATHERS HERE…

OUR CABBIE LIVES HERE, IN THE WEALTHY PART OF TOWN. HE’S CONSIDERED A MODEL NEIGHBOR, NEVER GETS INVOLVED IN SCANDALS WITH WOMEN

BUT THE REAL HERO OF THIS STORY IS THE TAXI, the TOOL OF his TRADE. IT HAS COMFORTABLE BACK SEATS FOR TRANSPORTING EXPECTant MOTHERS TO THE HOSPITAL, AND A METAL GRILLE BETWEEN THE FRONT AND BACK SEATS FOR TRAPPING LOWLIFES AND CROOKS.

…TO DUMP IT HERE…

…OR HERE…

THE CABBIE ASSISTS WITH A CHILDBIRTH. THIS IS HIS “HAPPY MOTHERS MATERNITY SERVICE.”

WE FIND OURSELVES IN THE RESIDENTIAL PART OF THE CITY.

OUR FRIEND THE CABBIE, HAS JUST BEEN SUBJECTED TO AN ATTACK, BUT MANAGED TO SUBDUE HIS ASSAILANT. THE ROBBER, A JOBLESS LOWLIFE, IS NOW (NATURALLY) IN THE HANDS OF THE LAW.

BY THE WAY, MAMA, YOU’RE LOOKING GOOD TODAY. NO ONE WOULD GUESS YOU’RE 93.

AH, MY SON… APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEIVING. MY HEART IS TIRED, AND I’M AFRAID THAT ANY DAY NOW IT WILL STOP BEATING.

AND IT’S IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD that WE FIND OUR CABBIE. HE’S ENJOYING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH HIS MOTHER, WHO LIVES WITH HIM.

THAT’S WHY I’VE BEEN WANTING TO discuss something very important TO YOU AND YOUR FUTURE: YOUR INHERITANCE.

IT’S ABOUT TIME!

BUT WAIT… BEFORE WE CONTINUE, LET’S SEE WHAT’S BECOME OF THE ARMED ROBBER…

YOU’RE LUCKY WE’RE PUTTING YOU IN PRISON RIGHT AWAY. YOU’LL SLEEP BETTER HERE THAN BACK AT THE STATION.

DID YOU BRING HIS FILE?

NO, WE’LL HAVE TO DO IT HERE. THEY’RE DROWNING IN WORK AT THE STATION. FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, ALWAYS THE SAME DAMN thing! AND AT THIS HOUR!

withIN THE SAME BUILDING, IN A NEARBY CELL BLOCK, A YOUNG INMATE KILLS TIME UNTIL “LIGHTS-OUT.”

ODDLY ENOUGH, HIS FACE CLOSELY RESEMBLES THAT OF THE CRIMINAL THEY’VE JUST finished booking into the prison…

HERE WE GO… NOW HOLD STILL, AND WATCH THE BIRDIE!

TWO BLANKETS, FORK AND KNIFE, A GLASS AND A PISS POT.

BREAKFAST AT SEVEN! REC TIME AT NINE!

SON, WHEN YOUR FATHER DIED HE DIDN’T LEAVE A WILL. YOU KNOW HE DIDN’T BELIEVE IN THOSE THINGS…

YOUR FATHER WANTED TO STAY HERE WITH US FOREVER, EVEN AFTER HIS DEATH… YES, MAMA.

as you’ll REMEMBER, HE DIDN’T BELIEVE IN CEMETERIES EITHER, OR IN THE CUSTOM OF BEING BURIED….

I KNOW, MAMA, AND THAT’S WHY WE HAD TO GET SPECIAL PERMISSION FROM THE POPE TO FULFILL HIS DYING WISH…

THAT, MY SON, IS YOUR FATHER’S SECRET, WHICH I WILL REVEAL TO YOU WHEN I FEEL THAT MY TIME HAS COME.

THEY DID A GOOD JOB OF EMBALMING HIM AT THE MORGUE. IN 22 YEARS THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A foul ODOR…

BUT… THE INHERITANCE, MAMA? YOUR BANK ACCOUNT ONLY SHOWS WHAT I’VE BEEN PUTTING IN THERE EVERY MONTH…

CENTRAL PRISON, 9 o’clock in the morning.
GUY FROM BEFORE

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