How I Tried to Be a Good Person

Ulli Lust

ABOUT WHAT?

WE NEED TO TALK.

I’M WORRIED IT’S A MISTAKE TO TALK ABOUT IT. IT DEFINITELY IS ONE. BUT I WANT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I DON’T WANT TO LIE TO YOU.

IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME.

FOR ALL THOSE YEARS, WE BARELY SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER. IT HAPPENED LESS AND LESS, AND FINALLY STOPPED ENTIRELY.

I’M SO SICK OF IT!!!

OH! GOT IT.

JUST SAY IT!

WE DIDN’T MISS IT. WE WERE, IN MANY RESPECTS, A PERFECT COUPLE.

YOU DIDN’T HAVE SEX FOR YEARS?

MARIE WAS MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND; WE WERE VERY MUCH IN LOVE. SHE WAS A GREAT MUSICIAN, A SENSITIVE, TENDER WOMAN. PHYSICALLY SHE WAS EXACTLY MY TYPE – SLENDER, ALMOST BOYISH, AND DESPITE THAT …

NO, WE WERE HIPPIES. I HAD AFFAIRS AND SO DID SHE. THAT WASN’T EVER A PROBLEM BETWEEN US.

WELL, UNTIL SHE LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN.

SINCE THEN, I JUST KEEP REPEATING AND REPEATING THE SAME PATTERNS.

IT’S LIKE A CURSE!

I MEET A WOMAN AND FALL IN LOVE, AND AS LONG AS WE REMAIN UNFAMILIAR THE SEX IS INDESCRIBABLY INTENSE!

A REAL RELATIONSHIP DEVELOPS, AND AS INTIMACY GROWS THE EROTIC ANIMAL IN ME DIES.

I’VE OFTEN ASKED MYSELF: AM I ONLY ATTRACTED TO THE UNFAMILIAR WOMAN, THE WOMAN FULL OF SECRETS? OR IS IT ACTUALLY THAT SHE GETS TO KNOW ME BETTER?

AT THE START, I CAN PLAY THE GREAT GUY. THAT’S WHERE I’M CONFIDENT, THAT’S WHERE I’M RECKLESS.

SUCH BULLSHIT!

IN THE DAY-TO-DAY, THE SMALL, FRIGHTENED GEORG SHOWS UP.

AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN WOULD EVER FIND HIM DESIRABLE.

AND NOW IT’S HAPPENED AGAIN.

I DON’T FEEL IT ANYMORE.

YES, I KNOW.

I SEE THROUGH MYSELF BUT REMAIN TRAPPED THERE.

I DON’T UNDERSTAND

YOU DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE?

HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT?

I’M AFRAID OF LOSING YOU!

YOU’RE THE BEST THING THAT’S HAPPENED TO ME THESE PAST FEW YEARS! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU, TOO!

A LITTLE? THAT’S A VERY OPTIMISTIC ASSESSMENT. IT SEEMS HEALTHY TO ME, TO TALK SO OPENLY ABOUT FEELINGS. IF YOU REPRESSED THEM — THAT WOULD BE SICK.

SIGH. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME. I’M NOT MAKING SENSE. PLEASE, IGNORE ME …

MY LOVE, THAT’S GOOD … YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE A LITTLE CRAZY!

WE DON’T NECESSARILY HAVE TO SLEEP TOGETHER. WE CAN JUST BE TOGETHER LIKE THIS. SEX ISN’T SO IMPORTANT.

YES, BUT …

SIGH. SEX IS IMPORTANT!

YES, OF COURSE. MAYBE IT’LL RELAX YOU NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE.

HMM … MAYBE. BUT I ALSO WANT TO KEEP ON KISSING YOU!

EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS SO EASY WITH YOU.

OH, ULLI …

WOULD IT DISTURB YOU IF I WERE TO HAVE LOVERS? NO. OF COURSE NOT.

IT ALSO WOULDN’T DISTURB ME, IF YOU HAD SOME.

NO, THANKS. I’M LACKING THE IMAGINATION FOR IT RIGHT NOW.

FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH ME. NO! FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, NO!

AS CHANCE WOULD HAVE IT, THE NEXT DAY IS A (CATHOLIC) HOLIDAY. GEORG LEAVES FOR A GIG IN THE PROVINCE.

AND WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR TONIGHT?

I’M LESS HONEST WITH GEORG THAN HE IS WITH ME. WHY, I WONDER? NOT MUCH. MAYBE I’LL GO TO DINA’S PARTY THIS EVENING.

YEAH, HAVE A LAID-BACK NIGHT! THAT’S WHAT I’D LIKE TO DO, TOO.

I’M VERY LAID-BACK. TODAY I HAVE A MISSION. TODAY IS MY PERSONAL, SLUTTY HOLIDAY.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, DARLING!

WERE THESE PANTS ALWAYS SO TIGHT? SHIT, I’VE PUT ON WEIGHT.

HOLD YOUR BREATH! THE BAIT IS FOR THE FISH, NOT THE FISHERMAN …

TODAY, I’LL BE SIGNALING A LOUD AND CLEAR “YES.”