The coming out story has no end

The coming out story doesn’t have an ending.

Queer individuals spend their life constantly ‘coming out.’ It’s pretty exhausting. It’s unpredictable and It’s scary. We like to think that we live in a post-homophobic society but that just isn’t true. It might be a hard pill to swallow for some people – but hey, deal with it you are not the person at the firing line. LGBTQ+ members have always been a minority, still today, the gay community faces heinous acts of hate and prejudice. Despite it being 2018, people are always either shocked or apologetic when someone comes out. It’s not a bad a thing, but being gay cannot be a lifestyle choice because nobody in their right mind would choose to be gay.

Words by Ollie Walker Illustrations by Nataly Menjivar

69Sexual orientation isn’t something we can pick and choose. It’s either coded into our DNA or it’s socialised into our lives. I’m not going to sit here and reel off a load of studies and research to prove a point. What I’m saying now is from the heart and backed up only by what I’ve experienced. Being gay cannot be a lifestyle choice because nobody in their right mind would choose to be gay.

Ever since society can remember, homosexuals have been a minority. We have been persecuted, punished and pushed around. From forced sterilisations and criminal charges, to being bullied and labelled a ‘faggot’, gays through history have had to fight to survive. We’re fortunate to be living in an age when, for the most part, we have equality. We can walk down the street, strutting to a Lady Gaga song and not worry about being locked up for what we did with that guy last night - yes, I see you hun. But in the past - even as recently as the last century - men and women were being punished for love. They were punished for their “perversions” and deemed psychologically ill. Brilliant, compassionate people were made to suffer. Alan Turing, Oscar Wilde and even Ellen DeGeneres have suffered because of their sexuality, with Turing and Wilde being so heavily impacted by their treatment that they lost their lives.

But despite the fact that homosexuality

has been decriminalised in the UK and throughout most of the western world, coming out as gay is still a terrifyingly daunting challenge for many of us to overcome. All through school I heard gay being used as an insult or a negative comment and I know that it was a factor in me not coming out until the age of 17. If I hadn’t been so afraid of being picked on in the changing rooms during PE, or not being accepted by the people who had been my friends since nursery, there’s every chance that I’d have been a lot happier, a lot sooner.

I’m not saying that I lived a miserable life for 17 years, but it was difficult. Being too scared to tell your family that the only reason you have that Kylie calendar on your wall (yes, I had one every year), was because you thought she was fierce - not because you wanted to stare at her half naked every night. Sneaking glances at the underwear models when you went shopping with your friends. Having multiple girlfriends, but never really being able to put your heart into it. These things take their toll on you.

In reality, I had nothing to worry about. My friends and family have been more supportive than I ever could have imagined. My 21st birthday was the 4th anniversary of my coming out to my family, and I spent it surrounded by the people I love. However, not everyone is that lucky. We all hear the horror stories. Kids who are effectively disowned by a parent or kicked out of their homes just because they love someone. In homes

up and down the country, boys and girls, and even men and women, live in fear of what will happen to them if their families ever found out the truth. One of my most fabulous friends - who is so gay it hurts - still hasn’t told his dad the truth. He knows his dad loves him, we all do, but he’s still scared that when he finds out, he’ll disown him.

And that’s the truth of the matter. If it was so easy to choose to be straight, I think the vast majority of us would. Not because we’re ashamed or because we agree with the morons who shout abuse at us as we kiss our significant other goodbye at the train station, but because it would just be easier. And until kids are taught at an early age that it’s okay to be gay, these incidents aren’t going to go away.

It’s been over 10 years since my first sex education class, but I know for a fact that it didn’t include any information on how Johnny and Steve show their love for each other. Nor did any of the classes that followed it. I learned everything from porn and the internet, which is actually ridiculously dangerous. Porn sets completely unrealistic expectations of sex and leaves anyone who doesn’t look like a chiselled adonis feeling insecure and worthless (and when I first saw it, I was a heavy-set 13-year-old, with a haircut that should never have even been considered and more rolls than my local Greggs, so you can imagine how I felt). I’m not saying that we should boycott porn, not at all. But I am saying

that it should never be used to educate teenagers on how to have sex, or what to expect their future partner to look like.

Even in the 21st century, being gay is a taboo subject up until you start to hit your mid-teens and beyond. Kids aren’t taught early enough what being gay is, and they’re definitely not taught that it’s normal. Just last night, a girl asked if I was flirting with my housemate, and when we explained that I was gay, she blew it way out of proportion and spent ten minutes apologising.

I think the embarrassment is the worst part of being gay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not embarrassed of being gay, not at all. I know it doesn’t sound like it but I’m proud of our community and everything we’ve achieved. But people still treat you like it’s something unusual or they get embarrassed when you tell them that you’re gay. I have no right to speak on behalf of the LGBT+ community. None at all. But I think that many would agree with me when I say that being straight would be a hell of a lot easier.