My name is Barbara JoAnn Darnaby Hanshew. I was married on March 11, 1954 to my husband William Lawrence Hanshew, who I sometimes refer to as Pop in this book, and was married to him for 58 years before he passed away. In this book, I want tell you about some times in my life where I felt so very desperate because of the different situations I went through. One of those times, I had Shingles and another time I had breast Cancer. I will also talk a little about my relationship with my husband. I know there are others who have gone through these sicknesses or hard times in their marriage, and I pray this will encourage you and help you to totally put your trust and faith in God and depend on Him. I love the Lord, and I totally depended on Him, even though I went through some very trying times. It is also my desire to let you know that you are not alone. There are others who have gone through things that were very hard for them too. So this is my story; read it, and if you are going through something now, maybe you can relate to me and I can encourage you to just trust God. Remember, God is always there. Just learn to put your trust in Him and never give up. I love my family very much. And in this story, I talk about my 6 children; so, before I start, I want to tell you their names and which child they are along with their children This is so I do not have to explain each time I mention them in the body of the book. 
My 1st child is my son William Glen, but we call him Bill. He is married to Faye Gelene, who I have always called Jo. They have been married for 43 years. They have two children, Alissa Louise and William Wayne, who we also call Bill or Billy. o Alissa has two daughters, Anna Caroline and Grace Elizabeth. The girls have a half-sister, Miranda LaRay, Alissa is married to Heath Meier. o Billy has 5 daughters, Bailey Nicole, Emily Ann, and Brittany Lynn, McKenzie Kaylen, and Ryleigh Ann. He is married to Misty Dawn.
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My 2nd child is my son Garry Lee. He has 6 children. Kimberly Dawn, Stephanie Leann, Cynthia Ann, Cody Lee, Joseph Robert, and Matthew Lawrence. o Kimberly has 4 children. Aaron, Abigail, Adriel, and Arthur. o Stephanie has 2 children. Natalia and Ally.
My 3rd child is my son Gregory Keith. He has 5 children. Nonnie Lynn, Nicholas Miller, Crystal Marie, Derek Rector, and Gregory Keith. o Nonnie has 4 children. Logun Ann, Jaiden Lane, Adrian Brooklyn, and Dreyton Malloy. o Nicholas has
My 4th child is my daughter, Cheryl Berniece. She has 3 children. Kristie Leah, Andrew Wayne, and Jessica Nicole. o Kristie has one son, Ian Alan. She is married to Brandon Johns. o Jessica has one daughter, Madalyn Grace. She is married to Nathan.
My 5th child is my son Steven. He is deceased now. He has 5 children. Brandi Nicole, Audreona Marie, Joshua Steven, Kirstie Joanne, and Chelsie Nicole. o Brandie has 5 children. Bella Rose, Caitlyn Sophia, Payton Alexander, Blake Tyler, and Ethan Michael. o Audreona has 2 children. Hunter and ________________
My 6th child is my son David Allen. He has 3 children. Tarah (Marli) MarLynn, David Aaron, Matthew Ryan, and Belle Elizabeth. He is married to Valerie. o Marli has 3 children. Booklyn RayAnn Fayeth, BrenDen Alan Roger, and BradLee Steven Gage. She is married to Dillon.
Chapter 1 The day was no different than any other day. It was a Saturday, January 3, 1998. I will never forget that day! In the evening, I noticed I had a rash on the side of my right breast. The rash began to spread around to the back of my right shoulders, and over the shoulder bone. It felt so touchy. Every day thereafter, it became very painful, it was a tormenting pain. I had never experienced pain like this. What should I do? We looked in the medical books and with the symptoms I had, we decided it must be Shingles. I never dreamed I would have anything like this! Sometimes we try to just deal with the pain, but after about eleven days of pain and suffering, I couldn’t take it anymore. So on Tuesday, January 13, Loretta took me to the doctor. After seeing me, he also determined that it was Shingles, which I already knew! He told me that I should have come in sooner. But, as a wife and mother, I have always tried to save money whenever I could, so I just tried to hang on. But even after going to the doctor, the next 2 days were so miserable. I just laid in the chair and cried. I could not sleep at night, and my head had such pressure on it. Not sure if this was from the Shingles too, or just stress. I prayed and I cried, and I prayed and I cried, but even the next day was not a good day. I went ahead and babysat that afternoon, and God gave me strength to make it. After the kids were picked up, I was still feeling pretty bad, but by that evening, I started feeling better, praise God! I even slept better that night, which was the night of Jan 16. It’s good when we can sleep, and I thank God for the time I did get to sleep, but at around 3 AM I woke in pain and had to take a pain pill. But no matter, I WILL keep believing my God! Another Saturday has come and I feel some better. I was even able to work in my house and go buy some groceries. Although it did make me weak, the Lord sustained me and helped me do what I needed to do. I know it is because of the prayers of my family and my church family that I am making it through this time. At this time, I was attending Calvary Temple in California. The people there and the Pastors were very precious to me. I know everyone were for me, and I thanked the Lord for them and for my family daily! Well, night time has come, and I’m so very tired tonight, but I still look forward to going to church in the morning. I have missed being in church while I’ve been so bad. I have loved the Lord since I was a young girl, and church means so much to me. I always put my trust in the Lord to help me in whatever situation I am in. As
far as this experience with the Shingles, I’ll never forget it, and I pray that I will be able to have compassion anyone else who may suffer like I have. My son, Bill, and his wife, Jo (Faye) called today. My son was hurt on his job and had to have a major surgery and has been trying to get his disability to help them financially. Well, Bill got his disability finally! Praise the Lord for that! The Lord is never too late! Sunday morning, January 18, I woke up before 4 AM in a lot of pain. I took a pain pill and laid back down. I was so surprised today that I had so much pain, when I felt 50% better yesterday. But I know the Lord is in control. I went to church as I had planned, and I felt so good. My sons, Greg and Dave and their families were also at church. I’m so very proud of my children and my grandchildren. The church started revival today, so I’m very glad I went. After church, Bro. Allen prayed for me. “I know you love me Lord, and I just receive from you in Jesus name.” One of the ladies in the church came up to me during that service and said she had been praying and the Lord told to her to ask me to speak at a Ladies luncheon in May. She said they needed to hear from me! WOW! That means so much to me! After we left our last church where we were pastoring, I thought, “well I don’t have to prepare for Mother’s Day this year!” But deep down in my spirit, I knew that God had something in store for me, and that someone was going to ask me to speak. I just didn’t know who, when, or where but God did! Thank you Lord, because you know where we are! I love Sundays with church and family. And if it is a good day, church and family makes it even better! Today is one of those days, because it has been a good day. After church, we went to dinner with Dave and his family, and also Barb and Lupe and grandkids. It always makes me feel good to have fellowship with my family and friends. After we ate, Pop and I went to Save Mart to get some meat. He actually pushed me around, so I didn’t have to walk. He will never know how special that was to me. It has been a great day, and I’m looking forward to going to the revival tonight. Calvary Temple is such a great church. I really want to get better acquainted with the people. I love the Lord so very much! Well, I made it to church this evening, but started feeling so bad that I couldn’t hardly enjoy church. But even feeling bad, I was still glad to hear Bro. Handly’s message. Steve and Dave and their families were there.
Greg didn’t come, but Loretta was there. I’m just not feeling well tonight but I am happy being in the House of God and having my children with me. I just feel so tired. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow… Monday, January 19, was another hard day…I sure pray these hard days’ end soon! I woke up before 4 AM this morning hurting really bad. I never knew Shingles could be so bad! Then, if that was not enough, I woke up once after having a nightmare, an awful nightmare! Anyway, I felt really bad all day. The doctor’s office finally called after we had called them 4 times last week, with no response. He ended up changing my pain pills, which helped me to start feeling better by late that afternoon. I went to revival with Holly, Marli, and Matthew. Tomorrow will be a big day for me. I have a disability appointment at 5 PM in Stockton. I pray everything goes okay and they approve me. I am praying it will help us financially. Maybe Pop will feel like I’m contributing to our financial obligations. Lord I do believe! Sometimes, I totally think that man hates me! Why is everything my fault? I love the Lord with all of my heart and I don’t understand why things get so bad in a relationship. I feel I’ve done the best that I know to do. All of my life I’ve tried to be good and to always do what was right. But now, I feel I am the most awful person in the whole wide world. I know that the Lord knows all things and that He is my judge. Sometimes I feel so that that I would not want to even live, if it wasn’t for you, Lord, and your great love. I’m not perfect, but if I were, would things in my life be any better? Sometimes, I get so lonely I feel like I cannot make it through the night. It’s not always for sex, but just for arms around me, a body close to mine, and a soft tender kiss and words of love. I feel love is the motivation behind everything. Without love, there is nothing. Love is the most special thing of all because of God’s love. Without God’s love, he would not have given his Son so freely to die for our sins. There would not be salvation, healing, and deliverance! Lord, help me always to have your love in my heart and help me to continue to love no matter how I am treated. January 20, 1998 was the big day. I went for my physical exam for disability. I’d say after the exam I’m going to get disability because it wasn’t much of an exam. If I do not get it, I sure can say the doctor did not do a thorough exam! He didn’t do anything to my knees or legs except move them up and down once and had me walk on the floor. Well, we will just wait and see. If I don’t get it, I’ll just get a lawyer!
We went to supper with Steve and Michelle and Kirstie that evening and then went home. I was pretty tired after the drive to Stockton, but I could not sleep until after 1:00 AM. After the drive to Stockton I woke up the next morning in a lot of pain. I sure hope and pray it eases up! Bill left before 4 AM this morning, because it is really foggy. I pray the Lord’s hand of protection on him. I know, and I thank the Lord because He has angels watching over us. I’m really tired this morning, but I’m going to watch the kids a couple of hours for David, while he unloads the rest of his stuff into storage. He has finally got everything moved from Madera. He was off yesterday and today, so he had some time to get this done. That’s my days off too, because I babysit for them. Oh Lord, give me your strength for today I pray. I need to get a few things done today and I went to church tonight, which was the last revival service. It was good, but I forgot to take a pain pill and was really hurting by the time we came home. David, Marli and I went to church together. David played the key board; it sounded really good. On Thursday, January 22, I woke up early in a lot of pain and I have been in pain all day. Such torment. I’ll be glad when this is all over. It has been a cold day and awfully cold tonight. I almost hate to lay down tonight because I keep waking up in so much pain and I hate the thought of waking up hurting. Please Lord, help me! I know you will! Before I lay down, I must check the roast. Oh no! I can’t believe I over cooked the roast, potatoes and carrots today!
But I did… Well, as Scarlet O’Hara says in Gone With the Wind,
“Tomorrow’s another day!” Greg and Loretta came by for a while to visit. I guess now I will get ready to lay down on the couch. Oh no! Not another day of waking up in pain! I can’t believe how bad I am feeling this morning. I called the doctor about more medication. The pain is still so bad. I didn’t get my medication yet. Greg brought me over the Tylenol with codeine. It makes me goofy, but I have no choice. I’m so tired of these Shingles. It’s been 3 weeks. I had a kind of rough day, I hope I can sleep tonight. “Thank you Lord for keeping your hands upon Pop today while traveling in the fog, and Lord please just give me the strength I need to make it through all of this and give me some rest! Thank you Lord.”
The next day was a really hard day. I suffered so bad, I finally called the urgent care again and told them I was suffering so bad. I was crying. Somehow this sickness effects the nerves. Finally, I got some pain pills. Greg picked them up and brought them to me. It doesn’t totally take away the pain, but it helps. I’ll be so glad when this is all over with! When going through something like this, you must remember to keep your focus on God. Pray throughout the day to the Lord asking Him to help you. That is what I did, I ask him many times to help me through it! I can’t totally explain the suffering with these Shingles, but I wouldn’t want to see anyone suffer like I have. Somehow, it reminds me of Mama and yet I don’t really know the suffering she went through with lung cancer, but I do know that it was sure torment to her. I know she suffered severely. I miss her so much. I wish I had done more for her. I wish I had loved her more physically. But we can’t go back and redo anything. It is so hard to love people or family when they do you wrong, but I have always tried to see the good in people and love anyway, no matter the hurt done to me. This is what God would want us to do. Someday I will be rewarded for that, I know. I love all of my family so much. I don’t want to ever make a difference in my children, I want to love them all the same. Well, I just pray I can rest tonight. One thing about it is the Lord always takes the bad and turns it around to the good! Yes! Today is Sunday and another chance to attend church! You know when you have gone to church all of your life, it becomes a part of who you are. So I went to church today and came home and fixed lunch. I also went to church Sunday night. Steve and Michelle and Kirstie came to church, and my grandson, Billy and his wife, Julie. Billy just got out of the Navy 2 days ago and he and Julie are on their way home to Missouri. They are going to Bill and Jo’s (Faye) and help them in their church. They are going to stay with them until they have their baby in March. It is supposed to be a girl. It will be my first great-grand baby! Bailey ended up being born on our anniversary on March 11! That was so exciting! I fixed tacos after church. I know Billy likes to eat at Grandma’s house, and tacos is about his favorite dish! I’m so proud of him. I just wish he wouldn’t smoke those old cigarettes! They are so bad for you, Billy! Well, today is Monday. Yesterday was a pretty big day for me and I woke up this morning in a lot of pain. I fell asleep in the chair and slept there all night. It’s now almost 1 PM now, and the pain has eased up a little. I just talked to my son Bill.
Their dryer caught on fire last Thursday. Thank goodness he had a fire
extinguisher in his boat, or the house could have burned down! It did get all smoked up and Bill had to go to the hospital for a breathing treatment. The smoke burned his eyes and throat. “Thank you Lord for your hand of protection. Thank you Lord for the angels that encamp around us. Lord, you are so great! Lord, just speak to Greg today, he needs you so much. Lord, I’m 59 and you’ve protected my family all these years, and I have put them in your hands time and time again. Lord, help me today to know the right thing to do. Lord, it seems that everything I do or say is always wrong. Anymore, I don’t know which way to turn. But I only know to turn to you Lord, so just direct me in all things. I’ll try to do everything right today, with your help. Please lead me and guide me Lord.” Well, thank God, I have done fair today. I straightened up the house before the kids came. Marli was in Madera today so her other Papa could take her to the dentist to get 2 teeth pulled. I fixed dinner for the family. We all got together again while Billy and Julie were still here. We had a good visit and good food to eat. Billy and Julie are planning on heading for Missouri Friday. I am so blessed to have such great grandkids who love me so much. Mama, I wish you were here to enjoy these great grandbabies. They are all such beautiful babies. A couple of weeks ago, I got Nonnie’s senior picture and also a picture of her and Nick. They are so beautiful and so handsome, and that’s the truth! Amen! Well, today is Wednesday, January 28. Yesterday I talked to Garry. He’s doing his best to stay in church he said. I’m glad I can encourage him in the Lord. I only can pray that he listens to what I say. I love my kids very much. I sure would have done things a little different when they were at home. I guess I did the best I could. “Ok Lord, today is another day! Help me Lord today! I need you every day. You help me so much. You give me the strength to keep moving these legs of mine.” I woke up this morning at 3 AM hurting, so I called the urgent care, but they won’t give me any more pain medicine until I come back in to see the doctor. I can’t see paying all that extra money for 5 or 10 minutes and waiting for an hour or 2 in the waiting room. I will just go get some Tylenol and get by the best way I can. Lord, I know this pain does not belong to me, in Jesus name. I went to bible study tonight. I pray I have a good night. Now it is Thursday, and today has actually been a fairly good day, Praise God! Everyone will be here for supper, so I need to feel good! I’m making Chili Verde, which is one of our family’s favorite dishes! When I fix
Chili Verde, Pop has me call Bill and tell him what we are having then Pop laughs because they are not here to enjoy it! I really wasn’t in the mood for Chili Verde myself, but I ate a little bit in a saucer. I thought it had soured on my tummy a bit later. But after everyone left and Billy and Julie went to bed; it was after 11 PM, and I told Pop that I felt sick and I was going to gag myself and throw up in hopes it would make me feel better. But when I finished, a pressure hit me on top of my head like I’ve never experienced before in my life. I shook and I called for help. Bill got a cold wash cloth and it helped some. He helped me get to the living room. I thought I was having a stroke or something, but it got better and I slept about 4 hours. Billy and Julie are leaving in the morning for Missouri. They spent the night with us. I got up this morning and fixed breakfast for Pop and the grandkid, then they all left. I’m feeling better today, but it was really a scary thing that happened to me last night! Ok, where is this coming from? I’m having an awfully hard time getting old! I’m not doing it gracefully, that’s for sure! I’m trying to get the house cleaned today. I’ll write more tonight…. Tonight Pop had to work until almost 8 PM. Loretta was going to take me out to eat tonight at Home Town Buffet, but I started feeling bad this evening so I did not go. I’m really scared, sometimes I’m afraid I am going to die. I don’t want to, I guess I’d be better off, but my grandbabies would have a hard time handling that; and, I don’t want to hurt them in any way. I pray I can rest tonight. Sometimes it gets so lonely sleeping by myself! Today is the last day of the month. I’ve felt kind of tired today. I slept for a while during the day, which I hardly ever do. We went to Wal-Mart today and did some shopping. I’m kind of lonely tonight, but what’s new? I find myself lonely more and more the older I get. I guess that’s what I have to look forward to. Anyway, I have the grandkids to help fill some of the loneliness in my life. They love me very much. Marli and Bubby tell me all the time. Matthew can’t talk yet, but he tells me with his eyes and so does Kirstie. The rest of my grandkids love me too. Kristie always tells me on the phone that she loves me. I wanted to go out and eat tonight just to get out, but life is full of disappointments, I learned that a long time ago!
Chapter 2 The first day of a brand new month! I’m sure looking forward to church today. I love church, I love the people, and I love the Lord with all of my heart! Oh, I also need to include my family, because I love my family very much! Today at church, Brother Allen preached on marriage and relationship. What a message! I agreed with him 100%! It is a very much needed message that needs preached often! However, I just wish I could have backed him up with a lot of Amen’s, but my marriage is not that great. In fact, it doesn’t look like there’s much hope left. Bill doesn’t feel that love is important at all. I’ve been in constant pain today. I am believing these Shingles to leave soon, because I sure want to shake this thing! I know the Lord is with me. I’m not sure which is worse, the Shingles or the loneliness. I know the Lord is with me, but I am feeling like I will just have another lonely night. I pray the Lord does not let me die lonely. All it seems I can do these days is hope for a good night’s rest, but it doesn’t seem like that was meant to be. I got maybe 3 hours sleep. I woke up around 3 AM in a lot of pain. I know the doctor said this can last up to a year, but I’m not sure my nerves can take it much longer. So Lord, I believe in you for my healing to come soon. It’s not enough to deal with Shingles, but my husband, Bill, just does not seem to understand me. He could be such a help to me and I really need his love and support so much. But that seems to be out of the question because he has none for me. I really don’t understand how someone can live with you for nearly 44 years and have no feelings for you, not even any compassion. Well, it’s almost time for the kids to come. Dave is going in early for some overtime. Lord help me and give me strength and endurance to put up with the pain, physically and mentally and emotionally. I could not make it without you Lord Jesus. My legs are not good today, so bless every move I make with my legs. It has been a really hard day for me. I have suffered so bad and this evening it seems to have even gotten worse. I took 11 Tylenols today and they didn’t even phase me. This evening I took 2 Excedrin and they helped better than the Tylenol. I sure hope and pray I can sleep tonight. No one knows the pain I’ve been going through. It really plays on my nerves. I know I’m going to have to go see a doctor again. I just hate to spend the money on doctors. Lord, help me to rest tonight. I love you Lord! Garry called before 1 AM this morning. He was drinking and had taken a bottle of pills. He tried to kill himself. He was crying and asking me for help. He wanted me to hold him and tell him I loved him. I said I can’t do that Garry if you kill yourself. I called his pastor and they took him to the hospital. There the doctors pumped his stomach and then
had to fly him to the University Hospital in St. Louis, MO. He’s going to be fine they said, but he will have to be in the hospital in ICU for a few days. I went back to the doctor today. He gave me new medicine to take. I sure hope it helps. The doctor says I could have Shingles for a year or longer. Lord help me through this! Lord put a hedge around my family and protect them all. I love you Lord Jesus. After getting woke up at 1 AM yesterday morning and too worried about my son to sleep, it caught up with me today. I’ve had a hard time staying awake today. This new medicine has made me groggy all day. It sure did help me sleep last night though, but when you lose sleep, it takes time to gain your rest back. When I did wake up, I didn’t even know where I was sleeping. “In the recliner, of course,” I said to myself as I chuckled! The doctor put Greg to bed for the next 6 days because he hurt his leg and it’s all infected. He has to keep it elevated because of the infection and if it doesn’t get any better, the doctor is going to put him in the hospital. Lord, just speak to him while he is down. Sometimes there’s a reason for these things. I gave Dave a haircut today. It’s a wonder I could keep my eyes open. I hope I did an ok job on his hair! I don’t like to take medicine when it affects me like that, but I’ve got to get well. This month has not started off as well as I hoped and today is just added one more day to the pile of bad days. I have hurt all day and felt kind of groggy. But I know the Lord is with me, and I did make it through the day okay. And thank God, Garry is doing better and has been moved to Mineral Area Hospital to the stress center. A new day, let’s see how it goes. So far so good. I got up early today and fixed Bill some breakfast. Susan Nipper, who is a longtime friend of our family, called last night from her mom’s. They have been visiting in California, and are leaving for home, which is in Missouri, today. She said they wanted to come by and see us. So during the morning, her and her husband, Dennis came by to see us for just a few moments. It was a good visit, and I will miss them. Greg’s leg started draining out infection today. Loretta took him back to the doctor and he sent him to a surgeon. The surgeon said if it was not better by tomorrow, he would need to be admitted in the hospital. Lord just keep your hand upon him and protect him from this infection. So far Lord, you have protected our children and grandchildren, and I thank you Lord for that. I have felt pretty good today. Thank you Lord! We went to Steaks and Stuff tonight. It is always good to get out of the house for a while, but always nice to get back home too. Now, we are home with a nice fire in the wood stove. It
is so nice. Just the two of us, we can just sit here and rest. It would be nice to cuddle on the couch together and watch the fire, but at least we are resting together. Greg had to go see the doctor again today. They haven’t decided yet what to do. It just keeps draining infection. We will get out of the house again today since we need to go grocery shopping. Not much else going on, but at least it is not raining. I’m going to have a year sale soon, so I must start getting ready for that. Well, the day is about over, and tomorrow is Sunday. I’m looking forward to going to church tomorrow! I pray it will be a good day in my health, and with family. It is always good to visit with family on Sundays. I haven’t written in my journal for a couple of days, but this morning we went to the doctor’s office to see about Greg. He had a really painful night. They still don’t know if they are going to put him in the hospital or not. Hopefully, we will find out tomorrow when he goes back to see the surgeon. Marli had to see the doctor today. She has the chicken pox so bad, in her mouth, and everywhere! Poor Baby! I feel so sorry for her. Bubby and Matt didn’t have them this bad! It is better to get them over with. So we didn’t get to go to church this morning, but Bill stayed with Greg tonight and me and Loretta went to church this evening. It was really good. Bro. Hubbard preached on the subject: “God Can.” I’ve felt awfully tired today, but otherwise I have felt pretty good. Thank you Lord. Actually, I’ve done fairly well lately. I haven’t had that much pain, but poor little Marli, she looks so pitiful with chicken pox everywhere! Greg went back to the doctor today. The doctor says it looks better, but Greg is still in a lot of pain. Lord, just keep your hand upon my family every day. I build a hedge around my family. Lord just keep them free from all harm. Thank you Lord, Garry’s not dead! Thank you for letting him call me last Tuesday. Because it sure did save his life. When he comes out of that stress center, Lord let him be renewed in his mind. Give him goals to work for and help him to accept the things that he cannot change and realize you, Lord, are the only one who can change things. I am happy I can say today was a pretty good day; that is, until I fell backwards over the vacuum cleaner! Now I’m sore all over but honestly, I think I’m going to make it. At least I got a little work done before I fell. Bill came home early and we just sit around and for supper we just had cornbread and milk. Thank you Lord, I didn’t break a bone or get seriously hurt and for easy meals like cornbread and milk! Wow! After my fall yesterday, I was really sore when I woke up this morning, but David was coming to take me to Fresno, so I had to get up. Today is the day I was going to file the bankruptcy papers. On the way home, we stopped
and saw June and then Alice and then headed on home so David could wash clothes. I talked to Garry this evening, and he’s home from the hospital and doing better, but he didn’t quite sound like himself. I just ask you Lord to strengthen him and give him hope in his life to live for Lord. You know Lord, I dedicated him as a small baby to you and gave him to you. In return, you gave him back to me to raise for you and that’s what I did, to the best of my knowledge. Lord, just root him and ground him in your Word. Greg is doing better, for which I thank you Lord. Lord I pray that you continue to keep your hand on our kids and bless them all. And grandchildren the same. I really would love to see a few days without pain or problems. And today was actually a pretty good day until the evening when Garry’s pastor’s wife called to let me know that Garry was in jail for drunk driving and driving without a license! Lord, he’s in your hands, but when will he learn? The surgeon released Greg today with only light work. Thank the Lord his leg is better! I’m having some pain tonight and I sure will be so glad to get rid of this stuff! Marli’s chickenpox is getting better and I am kind of tired tonight. I’m not as young as I used to be which makes babysitting harder at my age. Thank you Lord for giving me strength! Until last night I was having some better days, but today has been a hard day. My nerves have been really on edge. These Shingles has been bothering me since early this morning, bothering me so much it is like tormenting me. Garry is still in jail; I don’t know about that boy! But actually he’s really not a boy. At the age of 41 you would think he’d know better. I don’t know what it’s going to take. I do know the Lord has been very good to him. Lord, he’s in your hands. Watch over and take care of him I pray. Are the good days gone? Today has been another day of pain and disappointment. I sat home all day and it poured down rain. Cheryl said Bruce fell and hurt himself and can’t hardly breathe. He did have to go to a Chiropractor. I sure hope and pray he’s not too bad off. So Greg is doing better, thank God, but I haven’t heard about Garry today. Steve, Mush and Kirstie are coming down tomorrow. I pray for a restful night tonight so I feel good tomorrow. Bill got me an arrangement of silk flowers today for Valentine’s day. They are very pretty, but I would much rather have had a kiss and an I love you. That would have meant so much more to me. Yes! It is Sunday again. I really look forward to Sundays and church! Church was really good this morning. Bro. Allen preached on the giants in our life. The evening service was good too. After service they had a baptismal service in the gym. Dave and Holly sang tonight one of my favorite songs, He’s coming back! And He really is, one of these days.
Steve & Michelle came over today, had lunch with us, and then went to church with us to the evening service. After church tonight Garry called. He’s out of jail now, but still has to go to court. Lord, I don’t know what to say to him anymore. Yet, I understand where he’s coming from. Loneness and rejection is an awfully bad feeling. Lord, please be everything to him. He needs you Lord, just put your arms around him and love him. I know that you will. Thank you Lord. Although I woke up this morning with pain, it turned out to be a pretty fair day. It’s evening time now and it’s been raining since before 2 O’clock this afternoon. Bill has been asked to preach next Sunday night. I sure hope he does. No matter what we go through, I know he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom, and I know he will be a blessing to the church. I’ve asked him to sing a couple of songs. I sure hope he doesn’t get out of it! I know this will help him a lot, it always does when he does God’s work. My dog, Little Bit, is better today. She’s been sick with vomiting and diarrhea. I know, I spelled that wrong, but oh well, I’m not perfect, just forgiven. I wish I knew how Bruce was, but I’ve called Missouri so many times, concerning Garry and I’m trying to watch the phone bill. Well, Lord, I pray for a good night’s rest. Thank you for it Lord. As you have seen, there have been good days and then some that are not so good. Today has been a very tiring day for me. I really wish this pain would just go away. I’m starting to put on weight again and it makes me feel miserable. I don’t know why I have to deal with weight problems. I’ve got to figure out a way to lose this excess weight. Lord, please show me how to do it. I feel tired, so I’m going to call it a day. Lord, give me a peaceful night of rest. Thank you Lord. I love you so much. I am into my second month with these Shingles. Whatever problems you might be going through, you can see that sometimes they do not get over in a day. The main thing is to remain faithful to God and continue loving him. I look forward to the good days, like today so I can get done what I need to get done. With today being a pretty good day, I managed to work in the house some and even outside a little. I vacuumed out the van, which brings up a hurtful subject. They are picking our van up tomorrow. We are surrendering it because the payments are too much for us to handle. I didn’t even go to church tonight. I just didn’t feel like going. Bill went to bed around 7 O’clock because he was tired. He seems to always be tired. I know it is very hard on him losing the van after paying on it for 3 years. One of the hardest and most stressful things I’ve had to do is file
bankruptcy. I believe in paying your bills, when you make them. But there is no way on earth that we can make all these payments now. I’m sure the Lord understands our hearts! Yesterday was a pretty hard day; I think I will just take it easy today. It’s another rainy day. They came today and picked up the van, and I really didn’t think it would hurt so bad. But it hit me and I cried and cried. It is so awful to have to go through these things. Financial pressure can really hurt a marriage and cause you to be in bondage. Greg and Loretta brought stew over tonight for supper. She took me to Wal-Mart and to Save Mart to get a few things. I have felt so down today. Lord, help me to encourage myself in you. I love you so much Lord. I wish I could feel really happy. Seems like life is passing by so fast. I just can’t stand getting old and having disabilities in my body. I would love to have some time with no pain and no pressures! Well, today makes one month since I had my disability exam and I haven’t heard from them yet. Hopefully it will be soon. Bill is sick today, he actually came home Friday from work sick. So that means he won’t be preaching tomorrow night. I sure hope he gets better soon. Today it rained again and we stayed in all day. I straightened the house and worked on my jigsaw puzzle some. I have hurt quite a bit today. I try not to pay attention to the pain, but I finally had to take off my bra. I haven’t been able to wear it much since I’ve had the Shingles. If you have never had Shingles, let me tell you it is hard to have anything touching your body where the sores are, it is hard to get comfortable in bed, and it is just hard all the way around! The pain feels like it comes from the inside out. I know that sounds silly, but it is different than any pain I have had. Thank you Lord Jesus for helping me, and I ask you to give us a good night’s sleep tonight. Another great day at church! The morning and the evening services were both wonderful. The Holy Ghost just had His way. I sure wish my legs were good. I could do so much more for the Lord. I continue to believe for total healing for my legs, in Jesus name. Well, today is Monday and Bill did not work today. He is feeling a little better, but still not good enough to work all day. Otherwise, it was just another day, with not much else going on. Today I’ve done very little. I did finish the jigsaw puzzle. Dave came over and washed clothes today, so I didn’t do much. I have one pain pill left, so I took Excedrin this morning and tonight. I was supposed to go to the doctor at 6:00 PM, but didn’t make it. It just cost too much money. I think I’ll try to make it without those pain pills, unless I get
too much pain. It is very hard to walk with the problems I am having in my legs. My knees feel like they weigh 50 lbs. each! In a couple of weeks, Bill and I will have an anniversary (March 11). It will be our 44th. I can hardly believe if we live 6 more years, we will have our 50th anniversary! That is, if we make it together that long! Sometimes I have my doubts. Lord, please help me! I wish so much, that I didn’t get so lonely at times. It seems I have no companionship at all. But the Lord is my friend and companion. And Lord, you know I can hardly wait to shed these Shingles! It’s been long enough! Another Sunday, but this one was not so good. I hurt my back today, and I’m in so much pain, I can’t keep from crying. I still went to church, even with all the pain. They prayed for me and I know the Lord is able to heal me. But I guess I always want a miracle. I want it instant! Right now! But sometimes the Lord choses to do it slower. Healing is a gradual thing, and miracle is right now, or instant. I guess we live in an instant world, wanting everything right now. I just pray that I’ll be better in the morning. After hurting my back yesterday, today I just laid around all day. I put the heating pad on my back off and on all day. I sure hope I’m better tomorrow. Sometimes I don’t even know how I make it. My knees are bad, at times my shin bones pain so bad, and now my back! What else? I finally got up and I cooked supper and washed the dishes. I guess if I was dying, I’s still try to do my duties as a wife. I feel like Bill doesn’t understand why I lay around, when I ‘m hurting. And it’s really not very often. After I hurt my back yesterday, I still lifted and moved things which made it even worse. I hope and pray I’m better tomorrow. It is Bubba’s 4th birthday and they are having the party here, so I must feel better! Well, Bubba’s party has come and gone. He got some really nice things. Today I spent the day on the heating pad again. My back is a little better, but not as good as I want it to be. Cheryl called tonight. She sure is worried about Bruce. She says he can’t remember things! I want to be better tomorrow so I can have a yard sale. Lord, give me a good night’s sleep tonight. Thank you Lord. Praise God, today my back is a little better. But I want it all Lord! Hopefully it will heal totally really soon. Thank you Lord that it is a little better. Garry called today and his lawyer told him yesterday that he may be facing 10 years in prison. I sure hope he doesn’t have to go back. It sure will be bad for him. He has got to get serious about the Lord and forget about Sue. I wish he would learn someday. He’s going to be 42 years old this year, it is time for him to put the
important things first! Oh Lord, please make a way for that son of mine. I talked to my son Bill today, he has to be in a wheelchair some of the time now. His back is getting worse. Lord, He needs a miracle!