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DIFFERENT is BEAUTIFUL: the ladies of the Notre Dame School of Dallas take the runway
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March 2016
where women go? DID ALL THE
newcomer Lauryn Marshall explores the new shift in feminine behavior
woman? what makes her
ELISIA MAGAZINE CELEBRATES WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH AND HONORS THE POWERFUL CREATURE WE CALL WOMAN.
the give guys
WORLD DOWN SYNDROME DAY
pity unpermitted editor-in-chief feleceia benton brings new light to a day celebrated around the world
cover photog by a bacot company productions
Elisia Magazine hangs out with Nick Morino + Michael Baughman, two guys making huge impact in Dallas County
+ meet the cast
the Elisia family grows once more. meet the ladies who will share their lives with you this year.
Produced by: The Zoe Communications Agency ZoeSaysHello.com Editor-In-Chief Feleceia Benton Acting Senior Editors Mekeisha Steele Tracy Williams Graphic Designer Mary Claire Becan ElisiaMagazine.com
FROM THE EDITOR
#WhatMakesHerWOMAN F E L E C E I A B E N TO N | E D I TO R - I N - C H I E F Here’s a novel thought for you: It’s OK to be a woman. Despite what media, warped feminism, and even your own mama may tell you, it really is OK. I’m not just talking about the having boobs and a uterus portion of being a woman. I’m talking about a baby-birthing, husband-supporting, lipstick-wearing, dinner-cooking, business mogul-ing, homemaking, beautiful, intelligent, strong, powerful woman portion. For years, I didn’t know that strength and woman were synonymous - equal parts to the whole of the essence of a woman. I subscribed to the theories that women who wanted to follow their passions and work did not have the time or energy to ‘fool with having no babies,’ or ‘deal with taking care of no man.’ It wasn’t considered an option to have both/and. Women had to choose either/or: man OR dreams; baby OR job. And no matter what they chose, someone was there to condemn their choices. As time forced more and more choices that women weren’t happy with, something had to give. Something had to evolve to bring back the essence of a woman. Perhaps you haven’t been paying attention, but the evolution is happening right before our eyes. From
the sudden rebirth of water deliveries to advocating for a fully beat face before your hospital birth. From home composts and organic gardening to taking advantage of Amazon Prime grocery delivery. From only taking two weeks maternity leave to the spike in home offices. Women are finally telling themselves that it’s okay to just be. Embracing all things woman is something that I believe we have the freedom to express without feeling the need to apologize. It’s also something to be celebrated as we continue a united fight for female equality. How each of us embraces our womanhood will be different, and that’s the dopest part about the evolution. So yes, all the women who are INDEPENDENT can throw your hands up while cultivating their Mommy and me Pinterest board. Be a girl “who run the world” while saving Tasty videos to your Facebook accounts for those meals that you may or may not make for your boo. Embrace your truth about the woman you are, and be OK with your choice. You are the only one who has to live that reality. You may as well live it out loud.
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INSIDE THIS ISSUE 8 // Feleceia Benton
PITY UNPERMITTED: WORLD DOWN SYNDROME DAY
10 // Feleceia Benton THINK OUT, BE LIGHT
14 // Arian Augustus THE GIVE GUYS
24 // Various Contributors WHAT MAKES HER WOMAN
28 // Lauryn Marshall
WHERE DID ALL THE WOMEN GO?
30 // Faye Smith DROPS IN THE BUCKET
32 // Baranda Fermin YOU ARE THE LIGHT
34 // Ninah Davis
THE HEART OF A WOMAN
36 // Tracy Williams
HER NAME MAKES HER WOMAN
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FEATURES 3 // From the Editor 6 // Writer Profiles 24 // Around Town
rite
CONTRIBUTORS
Lauryn Marshall Tracy Williams
Arian Augustus
Adrienne Bryan
Cheryl Rischer
Kimmy Tan
Ninah Davis
Baranda Fermin
Feleceia Benton
Mandy Rausch
Shante McCoy
Charnese Evans
Heather Thompson
Melanie Crecy
Stephanie Johnson
Cherish Robinson
Ivy McQuain
Nikki Hurd
Toni Williams
WRITER PROFILES
Adrienne Bryan | Healthy, Happy Beauty Adrienne writes about beauty, healthy recipes, D-I-Y hacks, lifestyle trends, breaking beauty and health studies, and practical makeup and grooming how-tos. She is passionate about all things beauty, health and wellness. Her extensive background in digital marketing, public relations and writing allows her to develop innovative creative ideas. She is a wife and mother to a remarkable son.
Melany Crecy | Authentically You Melanie is a Florida girl in Dallas world. You can find her behind an inspirational book, learning, continuously seeking a better her. She is a financial coach, helping people to live a life of purpose and financial wellness. Her joy? Inspiring others to live in joy and peace. So while you’re here...Relax. And Breathe...be Authentically YOU.
Ninah Davis Ninah Davis is a Self-Loveologist™ certified by her life choices and actions. She created Getchu Some Free!™ to provide a safe community that empowers women who are survivors of domestic violence, rape and self-abuse, by engaging the gift of self-love and utilizing self-actualization. She is also a survivor of multiple abusive relationships, including self-abuse. She is a wife and homeschools her three children. Ninah’s purpose is to ignite women to live their definition of personal freedom through selflove!
Charnise Evans
Charnese the Founder and Executive Director for Be a Genius Girl, a girls empowerment nonprofit. She is also licensed social worker with more than 13 years of professional experience. Ms. Evans has a passion for helping others to reach their highest potential and accomplish their goals in life.
Baranda Fermin | The Hows of Life Baranda makes citizens & warriors. Speaker. Writer. Advocate. Builder. Philanthropist. LOVE is the revolution. CREATION is the answer. AUTHENTICITY breeds compassion. We are made to be in relationship with ideas, the world around us and most importantly one another as a means to encourage, edify and esteem.
Stephanie Johnson | Single in the City Stephanie is a devout Jesus follower, dog mom to “The” Zoe St. Laurent, volunteer, life of the party & that quirky friend who’s never met a stranger. This self professed Ambivert, workaholic, coffee lover, comic, and well - cultured foodie loves meeting new people, exchanging stories, creating diversity, and helping others navigate through an exciting, cultured, creative, and completely fulfilled single life.
Stephanie Marchbanks Stephanie is a Jesus follower who wants to change the world for the better, starting with myself. Walking with Him in freedom. Learning as I go. Speaking truth, encouragement and life. Join me?
Lauryn Marshall | African American Empowerment Lauryn is Detroit born, ethnically proud, cherisher of nostalgia, She is completely engulfed in her own vintage world. Sixteen going on sixty.
Shante McCoy | All Things Education Shante is an eighteen year educational veteran living out my calling to teach in all capacities. Moved from the classroom to the conference room which allows me to provide services that inspire my clients through education, business and parenting.
Ivy N. McQuain has been a professional writer since 1998. Her writings has graced the cover of magazines across the world. Now she focuses her attention on being a publisher with her company BLI Publishing, where she helps authors craft and publish their bodies of work. She is also a PR strategist who loves media.
Mandy Rausch | Parenting Mandy is the mom to an adorable little boy named Zach and one sweet pitbull pup named Carmen. She works in higher education by day and does her best to balance motherhood, wifehood, and being an actor/director at night. She is also the co-artistic director of Sundown Collaborative Theatre in Denton, TX. You can find her on Instagram at @feminartistry and Twitter as @feminartist.
Cheryl Rischer | Mocha Mommy of Boys Cheryl Rischer is a success coach, educational consultant, children’s advocate and radio talk show host. She describes herself as a “shy introvert living out loud.” This former pageant contestant and certified speech teacher discovered her gift for gab at a young age and has been talking every since. Her friends describe her as a hustler in heels and a skirt. She is a natural motivator with a compassionate spirit and a can do attitude. She is not easily discouraged, hates to disappoint and gets excited when she is able to connect the dots. She is a passionate MOMpreneur, social entrepreneur, parent/life educator and master multi-tasker.
Kimberly Tan | Mission Minded Mommy Kimmy is a full-time mommy to 3 spirited boys, wife, student of Christ who left the classroom to finish graduate school and raise a family. She is a Texan by the grace of God and a sweet tea connoisseur. She’s a country gal stuck in the middle of asphalt and concrete.
Heather Thompson | Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Heather is fond of cilantro, left-handed, coffee snob, and passionate about the next generation of women.
Toni Williams | Embracing Life Toni is a divorced mom of three who has learned from the mysteries of the universe to abandon the life she thought she should have and embrace the life does have. Most days she is surrounded by teenagers - either in the classroom as a college instructor, or at home between the sarcasm, fashion emergencies, relationship scandals, teen eye rolling and mediation of sibling issues.
Tracy Williams | Women In Business Tracy is a daughter and dreamer. sister and spitfire. Auntie and activist. Friend and feminist. She’s a recent Houston transplant who spends her days influencing people to lead themselves and then lead others. She frequently indulges in laughing, creating light bulb moments, debating current events, traveling, pretending she’s a great singer, and spoiling the cutest kids on earth that don’t belong to her.
Elisia Magazine’s writing staff also includes Nikki Hurd and Cherish Robinson.
WRITER PROFILES
Ivy McQuain
celebrating World Down Syndrome Day
by feleceia benton
how 21 little chormosomes can make a world of difference.
My tears served many purposes, but one thing they were not permitted to do was give life and allowance to pity for me...and especially for my Zoe Benton. I didn’t have an immediate reaction to Zoe being born with Down syndrome or as an amputee. I had no point of reference, so I didn’t know what to expect. I actually didn’t cry until I got home from the hospital 5 days after she was born. I cried because I was home and she was still there. I cried because I realized I didn’t know what I was doing. I cried because although I had prepared as best I could, I was bringing my child home to my tiny room at my sister’s house to live with me – a woman who had no clue. I cry now as I type this because I’m just faking this thing. Every day. Through my tears, I realized something amazing, something that would carry me through this new role I had as a mother:
people with Down syndrome. People with Down syndrome socialize and have meaningful friendships. Some choose to date, have ongoing relationships, and marry. Businesses in various industries employ adults with Down syndrome in a variety of positions. Just like others, people with Down syndrome desire to contribute in a meaningful way and have their work be valued by others. Today, there is no time for tears or for pity. Today, there is only time for joy as we celebrate World Down Syndrome Day and receive all that the Zoe Bentons of this world are prepared to give. Their zeal for life, their grit and determination, and their belief in themselves show us that pity has never been nor will ever be an option.em
My tears were allowed. They were permitted to help me express my pain. They were there to acknowledge my fears. They were allowed to flow, so they could cleanse my inner being and force me to push through. My tears served many purposes, but one thing they were not permitted to do was give life and allowance to pity for me...and especially for my Zoe Benton. Zoe Elisia Benton – born with an extra chromosome and an extra personality – is not a little lady to pity. Her tenacity and strength can put many adults to shame. While her latest feats continuously amaze me, I know they shouldn’t. However, there are many myths out there that, if allowed to flourish, would condemn Zoe to an unfulfilling life, one that would not give her the freedom to live her creative truth. Because the truth is: Children with Down syndrome fully participate in public and private educational pr ograms. Educators and researchers are still discovering the full educational potential of elisiamagazine.com
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meet the
MODELS
Every year we want to create opportunities for all children with special needs to experience life in the same way as any other human being.To make all of this happen, we partnered with the Notre Dame School of Dallas for the THINK OUT, BE LIGHT Fashion Show. Her’es your opportunity to meet the beautiful young women who modeled in the show.
Amanda Hoyt, 20 Parents: Patty and John Hoyt
What makes your child amazing?: Amanda is so amazing because she has a wonderful sense of humor, she loves to play games, & she’s a great cook. She loves to surprise us with her kitchen creations. She always makes me smiles & she is just a joy to our lives and everyone that she meets. What do you want the world to know about your child?: I want everyone to know that Amanda is just like any other child. She has hopes & dreams, she gets scared & nervous. Just like everyone else. She wants to feel needed & loved in this world just like everyone else. She wants to find her place in this world.
Constance Lewis, 23 Grade: PostGraduate
Parents: Simon and Maria Lewis
What makes your child amazing?: Constance’s dedication to physical fitness and dance, commitment to community What do you want the world to know about your child?: Constance sees herself as American woman, who never gives up; even with unfair balance.
Elizabeth Crisp, 18 Grade: Bridges Program, 11th
Parents: Toyia and Brian Crisp
What makes your child amazing?: Beth has a huge heart. She is compassionate and loving! She has a great sense of humor. Beth loves to write and sing her own songs. Beth enjoys life and is the biggest supporter to her siblings!! What do you want the world to know about your child?: Beth has many hopes and dreams for herself and her family. She loves and laughs with passion. She is thoughtful and caring.
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Leah Battalora, 21 Grade: Vocational Parent: Carol Battalora
What makes your child amazing?: Her sense of humor and her willingness to try new things. What do you want the world to know about your child?: Leah is a fun-loving person who loves her God, her school, her friends, her family and life. She enjoys doing what others her age do and is so eager to show you in her own special way.
Analucia Macias, 17 Grade: Bridges
Parents: Adriana Macias and Gerardo Macias
What makes your child amazing?: Write songs, sing, read Narnia books, write movies. Ride horses. What do you want the world to know about your child?: The world need to know that Analucia is an intelligent girl who likes to learn everyday new things about books, music, artist. Her dream is one day be the director of a movie. Additionally, she dreams to write a song about the friendship.
Danielle Reed, 21 Parents: Darrell and Sharon Reed
What makes your child amazing?: Danielle is amazing in her ability to connect with others. She is referred to as “my girl” by many at her church, in her extended family as well as among family friends. She has the ability to make others feel as special as she is to them with her smile, kind words and hugs. What do you want the world to know about your child?: She is a sweet, fun loving young lady who loves life and lives for celebrations! She loves singing and dancing and hanging out with family, where she is most often the life of the party!
Victoria “Tori” Lawrence, 19 Grade: Vocational Grandmother: Vivian Lawrence
What makes your child amazing?: Tori has this amazing capacity to love that makes others feel good about themselves. What do you want the world to know about your child?: Given the chance Tori is capable of doing more the the world can imagine. Tori is an unprecedented miracle.
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THINK OUT, BE LIGHT
DeSare Tarver
Grade: Vocational Parents: LaTina Dawn and Craig Tarver What makes your child amazing?: Her love for Jesus and her her love for people. She has a big heart she loves to smile and help others. She is so generous and kind. She will literally give you her last dime. What do you want the world to know about your child?: She has the attitude that nothing can stop her. If you ask about her disability, She would say I am not disabled , this is the way God made me. In her spare time she can be caught drawing and singing. “In All Your Ways Acknowledge Him and He Will Direct Your Path� Prov.3:6
#TOBL Other models included Abbie Chavarria, Allie Chavarria, Paris Nason and Savannah Wiley.
Savannah Wiley
a i r r a v a h C Abbie Paris Nason Allie Chavarria 12
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the GIVE
GUYS by Arian Augustus
Michael Baughman is the Community Curator at Union Coffee and he has be-
come one of my favorite people to talk to about real life. Mike is genuinely caring. I’ve seen tears well up in his eyes when he talks about the people and things he loves most passionately, a stirring sight that, stereotypically, you don’t see in a lot of men and which you may not expect to see from a leader. Mike is also pretty straight no-chaser. I don’t know any pastors that talk the way he does. (We’ll get to that in a minute.) This interview isn’t so much an interview as a conversation, and it’s definitely my favorite one I’ve done with Elisia to date. So, without further ado, meet Mike Baughman. 14
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Arian Augustus: Union is half coffeehouse and half church. It’s a coffeehouse church! What was the motive behind that choice? Michael Baughman: There are several reasons. One is that I’ve been charged with the task of doing ministry with rising generations. I found myself hitting my head against a wall a lot of the time. Oftentimes I found that the people I was called to be in ministry with, what they wanted and what they needed were generally things that made a lot of the established church members a little uncomfortable. I kept hitting that tension place. So, myself and couple others were dreaming out loud late at night with beer in our hands talking about, “What could a new church start look like that would actually engage the needs of rising generations?” One of the things that I also knew from my experience in the past is that that’s not generally sustainable. There are financial challenges with that. If I have a bunch of twenty somethings in worship, they can’t afford the very minimum we need to keep this place open, especially in this economy. So, I thought back to an experience I had just out of seminary working as a transition pastor at a church that funded itself largely out of a thrift shop that operated out of their basement. I saw firsthand how that could economically support a church that didn’t have a lot of members but still had its doors open every single day of the week doing ministry. They hosted support groups for kids who had been through divorces. They had an AA group that met at 11 o’clock on Saturday nights which, if you know any addicts, that’s the time that you really need an AA group. But most churches don’t open their doors. [And] they didn’t tell me that that happened. I was just there prepping a sermon late one night and a bunch of guys started walking in. I was like, “What the hell is happening? Oh, AA meets here? Ok!” AA: Wow! That’s really unique! This is an interesting church. MB: It was incredible! And one of things that was great about it was their thrift shop, which I had thought was just a fundraising thing that kept old ladies busy in the church. But then I was down there one morning talking to one of said old ladies, and she interrupted me and said “Hold on a second,” and she walked over to this woman who was very pregnant. I was worried she was going to pop a baby out in the middle of the thrift shop. [The pregnant woman] was deciding between baby things and was clearly only able to afford this thing that was $0.50 or this thing that was $0.75. So, this old lady that broke up the conversation we were
having walks over to the very pregnant woman and says, “Excuse me, honey. Did you hear about our special today?” And the woman just says, “I don’t know. ...” And the old lady pulls out a big bag and says, “Everything that you can fit in this bag for a dollar.” And that’s when I saw it. That was the first inkling that I had that a business can also do good. So, knowing that we wanted to start a church that could be in ministry with rising generations, knowing that’s not financially sustainable, we started to engage the conversation. How could we do something that has an alternative revenue stream that feeds into the needs of the people that we’re called to be in ministry with? We kicked around lots of ideas, but, of course, a coffee shop just kept coming up again and again. And I realized that a coffee shop could potentially be a solution to not just sustainability and not just to actually engaging with people who are the target demographic. But it also was the solution to the problem that one of the three of us that came up with the concept for Union had identified. [And that problem] was the church’s inability to actually engage its neighborhood. We found that for most congregations, if the church closed its doors, apart from the people that actually worship there, no one in the neighborhood would really notice. AA: That’s the weirdest thing. Even as a non-churchgoer, I feel like that issue crosses every denomination, every ethnic group of church. I think that’s far too common. The church kind of serves itself like a family. And that’s great! You want to take care of your family! But, everyone in the world isn’t your family. Other people need help too. MB: And Jesus said, “What credit is it to you if you love those who love you and you care for those that you’re friends with? ... Even the Gentiles and the Romans and the outsiders do that. But instead I tell you love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. Care for those in need.” There’s this push that it’s not enough to take care of your own. So, Union’s mission is that “We exist to take care of the well-being of our neighborhood.” Not just the spiritual well-being of the people who show up for worship on any given week. And that, unfortunately, I think is the predominant mission, stated or otherwise, of most congregations. They exist to take care of the spiritual well-being of the people who walk in their doors. And that’s not bad! But, I think the church can be more. We saw a coffee shop as a way to accomplish all of those goals. And also, you said you’re not a church attender, but in the
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past week you’ve attended one church service at least. [Mike is referring to Union’s Tuesday night worship service, Kuneo. I had gone to research him for this piece.] AA: I did! That is true! I was actually talking about it with a friend. [Kuneo] was an interesting experience because I haven’t been to church in ... a while. It’s been well over a year. And I loved the music! I liked singing. But, I didn’t really miss church. But, that’s another story for another day, or, maybe, a previous issue of Elisia Magazine … MB: Oh, really? I’ll have to check through the archives. AA: Yeah! Please do! … It was cool to be a part of what Union is really here for. … Like, I’m with it! Not on a personal level. But, I get that for a lot a people church is a beautiful thing that makes them want to be better people, that helps them be better people. It helps them go through that process, and [the church] does good. That I am fully behind. Without question. So, I love being here. I love working here. Which reminds me, can you tell me again what is the meaning behind the name “Union”? MB: Our full mission is that, “We exist to take care of the well-being of our neighborhood with outstanding coffee, robust community, and engaging causes.” So, everything for us comes down to coffee, community and cause. And that’s more than just our marketing strategy. That’s our strategy for making our neighborhood better. That’s our strategy for growing and developing the worshipping congregation. It’s our strategy for all that we do, and it all starts with that cup of coffee. AA: I want to add that I was so impressed and inspired to see that after the tornadoes hit Dallas after Christmas [in 2015], the next day you and Nick [Marino] were on Facebook like, “We’re having an emergency Feed the City event because Union cares about people!” I was so blown away. … There were so many people that said, “We’re praying for you,” and you guys were making sandwiches and collecting donations. There’s a big difference between those two actions. MB: There’s a person that I’m friends with who has no overt church connection, and she posted on Facebook something along the lines of, “What would happen if all the emergency responders showed up on the scene in North Texas and reflected on the situation and then prayed?” AA: Exactly. MB: And I read that, and it kind of pissed me off on one level because I knew it was a jab at the church. But then on the other side of it, it’s a deserved jab because there are times when the church functions that way. What a lot of folks don’t realize is that most of the people who have gone
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Mike Brumbaugh and Nick Marino, Jr. appear on WFAA News in DFW after the 2015 Christmas tornados.
through emergency responder training and are the folks that Red Cross will let into those situations are people that have done all that training through churches. I was in Joplin [when the E5 level tornado hit Missouri in 2011] a month after it happened, and it was all church groups that were there clearing out houses. … I’ve been to many of the big disaster sites in the United States, and you look around and it’s a lot of churches that are doing that work. But we oftentimes don’t tell that story well. Maybe because we’re bad marketers. Maybe because we’re trying to be humble. AA: It’s a very fine line! When you’re saying, “This is what I do and this is why I do it,” there’s a fine line between making the work public so that you can get more help and making the work public for that “Look at me!” moment. MB: And there’s the other problem and I why I think this is a really deserving [conversation] in the church. In church circles and nonprofit circles, we’ll say, “Here is a need. We are going to meet this need.” And we’ll go it solo. What churches and nonprofits are not good at doing is collaborating with others. And that’s what made [the Union/ TangoTab disaster relief event] such a success. TangoTab can mobilize people to crank out sandwiches. They have a system in place. They show up. They set up the way they need to set up. They make that shit happen. … But they don’t have a building for that. And they were mobilizing really quickly and they didn’t know how many people they could get to show up. Where I was able to step in was with our church connections. I told Nick, “I can get any church to open their doors to make this happen. Just let me know how big of a space you need.” So, I reached out to University Park United Methodist Church. I called their senior pastor at 11:45 at night. He’s not up at that time. He’s an early to bed guy because he’s got to preach on Sunday morning! But, I called him because it mattered. And he said, “Absolutely. Feel free to announce it in the morning.”
So then once we had the location, we were able to mobilize the whole network of people who worship at University Park United Methodist Church, the whole network of people that are connected with Union … and the whole network that TangoTab had already established. Within a matter of hours, we were able to rally over 300 people and put them all to work. That only happened because we collaborated. TangoTab couldn’t do it on its own. University Park couldn’t do it on its own. Union couldn’t do it on its own. And that, I think, is one of the times when Union is at our best. We aren’t necessarily the ones organizing something, but we are the catalysts that get shit done. And that I think that is what the church should be doing more of. Because if we’re involving non-church entities in disaster relief work, then all those non-church entities will know, “Oh, the church does these things.” And then we don’t have to brag about it. We just invite people to do it. So, I ended up sending a message back to this friend of mine who posted [that statement I talked about a moment ago] on Facebook. And I didn’t post directly on Facebook because I didn’t want it to be, like, a public … [Mike makes the whip crack sound. I die laughing.]. But I sent her a message and I said, “Hey, since you’ve been helping us with stuff at Union, I wanted to let you know that I couldn’t agree more that if we just showed up and prayed and reflected, that wouldn’t be enough. Here’s what we’re doing on Sunday at Union. We actually had two families that are connected with Union whose homes were either destroyed or damaged, so we have teams out putting tarps up to help them reduce the amount of rain coming in and sort through their stuff. We have the sandwich making blitz running this afternoon. And then at 8 o’clock we’re gathering for worship to pray and reflect. And I just want you to know that the organization that you’re a part of making better ... I want you to be proud. We are doing those things.” AA: What was the response to that?
we just need a catalyst who brings them together and makes things happen. AA: And there, from my perspective as a nonbeliever, I feel uncomfortable with wanting to agree. I’ve had this conversation with another non-religious friend … and we were talking about how we both like to be part of [organizations] that do things that are good. [While she is firm in her nonbelief], she’s also part of church affiliated stuff, and she doesn’t seem to have any qualms about it. I don’t know how I feel yet. ... I feel like there’s this sense that good only exists within church. And if there were ever anything that I could do, that [idea] is something that I would want to challenge. MB: Union explicitly challenges that, too. I don’t know if we’ve talked about this … AA: Probably not.
“[The church] can lead the way in connecting people to do good things. People want to do good things. Businesses want to do good things. Organizations want to do good things. Sometimes we just need a catalyst who brings them together and makes things happen.”
MB: It was incredible because she jumped in and said, “Ok. I’m gonna help too.” That was her response. And I think that’s a big part of what the church can do. It can lead the way in connecting people to do good things. People want to do good things. Businesses want to do good things. Organizations want to do good things. Sometimes
MB: Union’s ethos and our approach to ministry is very different from most churches, especially new church starts. I believe that a lot of new church starts, they set up in order to bring God into the neighborhood. Or Jesus into the lives of the people that walk in their door. Right? And I think that there’s an inherent challenge, especially with rising generations that we see now, with that kind of approach. Because that sets up a hierarchy. AA: It does! That’s my frustration!
MB: The church believes that there is this thing that is the most important thing in the world and that is God. [His voice takes on a mock, holier-than-thou air.] And we have that and you do not. And we will give this to you. ... [Laughter] Which [the church] sees this as a gift and as generosity. But, the person who is receiving that gift sees it, honestly, as kind of arrogant. And that person feels like, “Who the hell are you to put that out there?” Our approach at Union is completely different from that. ... My assumption is that God is already at work in the neighborhood. That Jesus is already at work in the lives of the people that walk in our doors, whether they call it by name or not. Because I believe that God is present in all things and in all people, my responsibility is simply to try figure out what God is doing in the life of someone and draw that out. ... That’s
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why, on Tuesday nights, [most of] our hymns aren’t from hymn books, they’re from the radio. … Part of why we use songs from the radio is that God’s at work in the world! To limit it to church songs is to limit what God might be doing and where God might be inspiring. AA: That, I feel, is so controversial … MB: For me (and the folks we have here), I see no divide between sacred and secular. I think that any notion that there is a division there is absurd. Because as soon as you start putting any limits on what is sacred and what is secular, you start putting limits on what God can do. Where God might be. There’s this quote that comes from John Wesley who is a foundational leader for the Methodist movement. He said, “What shall we do with this awful consideration that God is present in all things?” And I love that he called it “awful” which is an intentional British pun on both “full of awe” and “terrible.” So, “What shall we do with this awful consideration …? Should we not labor continuously to acknowledge his presence?” When I have this attitude and this approach, I’m don’t approach Arian like, “I have this God stuff that Arian really needs.” [I laugh. A lot.] And I think you’ve picked up that that’s not the tone of our relationship. AA: Not at all. MB: But I do have this assumption that God is doing something with Arian. And I want to know what that is! I want to support it. I want to encourage it. I want to see it grow and see where that leads. Because if I walk in with the assumption that God is doing something with Arian, then Arian has something to teach me. AA: … Ok. MB: I don’t have a monopoly on God. So, this thing that I prize as most important, my relationship with God, it doesn’t put me above you because you’ve got that too. ... And because I can learn from you, that cuts down on the power dynamics of Me Mike with God Stuff and You Arian Lacking God Stuff. [More hysterical laughter.] AA: So, finally, do you consider yourself more of a pastor or more of an entrepreneur? How do those things work together? MB: Can I pick Pastor-preneur? Is that a thing? AA: [Laughter] Sure! Tell me about being a Pastor-preneur!
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MB: I think there’s a part of me that is a serial entrepreneur. I’m always starting things. In a true sense, an entrepreneur isn’t necessarily someone’s who’s financially driven. When I think of an entrepreneur, I think of someone who is cutting a new trail, a new way to organize things. [An entrepreneur is] someone who is trying to figure out a new way to make something that didn’t exist before. I’ve always thrived in starting things and fixing things. Maintenance mode bores me. Once we hit maintenance mode, I start blowing things up just to see how they work, and that’s not healthy. Building and constructing … that part of entrepreneurship is definitely part of my personality and who I am. Here’s where the pastor side of that enters in. One of the foundational understandings of what God is, is God as a creator. The very first commandment that God gives to humanity is be fruitful and multiply, which isn’t just a commandment to go and have sex. AA: I feel like that’s how it mostly gets interpreted ... MB: … Which is a good recruiting tool. AA: [Laughter] Follow us! Have all the sex! MB: Right! It’s weird! In the church we’re all squirrelly about sex, and it’s the first commandment! [More giggles.] … But, when I think about “be fruitful and multiply,” that’s one of the most amazing things about God. God created us and then immediately put into us the only thing we knew God as which is the one who made things. And then God said, “Ok, now you go make things too.” I love that! There are few things that I think more divine than creating something that didn’t exist before. So, when I say I’m a pastor and an entrepreneur, those things are not divorced for me because that’s divine work. Which is why I love artists! Which is why our Sunday night worship community is [mostly local artists.] That’s the stuff of God and we need to celebrate that more. em
MIKE BAUGHMAN! I had such wonderful time laughing and exchanging ideas with him, and I hope I can continue to do so for a LONG time. If you want to drop by Union and get to know Pastor Mike Baughman a little better, worship gatherings are on Sundays and Tuesdays at 8:00 pm. Or, if you just want to get a cup of coffee and support the Dallas community, Union is open every day until 10:00 pm. Come be part of #TheUnionDifference.
the GIVE
GUYS by Arian Augustus
I met Nick Marino at Union Coffee in Dallas because, well, I work
there. (Surprise!) What I did NOT know is that Nick is all over Dallas. He is the Communications Assistant at Union Coffee, the Director of Social Change at TangoTab, he was named in 2012’s 30 Under 30 Future Business Leaders in Dallas, and he’s a current member of the Mayor’s Star Council. This man is crazy busy, and he’s never slowing down. I met up with Nick one Saturday to learn more about the million and one good things he’s doing for the city of Dallas. Elisia Magazine: So, what drew you to Union and the Union Coffee mission? Nick Marino: Your own name is your own personaI brand, right? And what you tie that name to says a lot. So, the number one thing that drew me to Union was the socially conscious mission. It wasn’t the product they were selling. It was their mission and what they stood for as a brand before anything else. That they have great coffee and even better people is what makes you stick around.
NM: I definitely think that Union is taking the right steps. The community engagement that they have and what we’ve heard from our consumers as to why they choose Union over other coffee shops is absolutely amazing. It shows how Dallas really does care about the community and their surroundings. I’m a huge [advocate] of “people over profit” and that’s what Union takes into consideration from the people that work behind the bar to the people that walk through the doors to the people that may not even be able to afford a cup of coffee.
EM: What do you want to see happen for Union in the future as long as you’re there?
EM: Tell me about your work with TangoTab. What are you looking forward to in 2016?
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NM: I’m the Director of Social Change at TangoTab. We started back in 2012, and, besides [our founder] Andre Angel, I’ve been there the longest. It’s been an amazing journey. We have so much in store! We are launching a couple of entities from TangoTab Media to Tango Charities which will be great stepping stones to expand our brand. We’re also going to be opening up our platform to restaurants across the country. The beautiful thing is that it’s about the people in the community. TangoTab is a brand that every time you use it, you feed a person in need locally. So, when you’re using our app, you’re helping your neighbor. EM: That is amazing, and I think TangoTab was a really smart way to engage with people. I mean, how often do you eat out? I eat out all the time! NM: Dallas is the number one city in the country that dines out. You wanna go to the beach? You wanna go snowboard? You can’t do either of those! You gotta go eat. And that’s where we saw the opportunity with TangoTab. There’s over a billion meals dined out every single week, yet 50 million Americans go to bed hungry every single night. Yes, we’ve fed 1.2 million people, but that is far from our goal. We’re looking to feed this [number of people] every single night. We’re looking to feed double this every night. It comes down to the users and the con-
sumers working together and telling their friends. And we make it easy! Every time you tell someone to download the app, we feed two people in need. [Well, there it is, Elisia Fans! Go download TangoTab!] EM: What impact have you seen TangoTab have here in Dallas? NM: As of today, TangoTab has fed 1.2 million people in need. The second Saturday of every month, you see [TangoTab’s impact] at Gordon Biersch at the Shops at Park Lane. We bring hundreds of our users together and we make meals for the needy. In 2014 [in partnership with Feed the City], we broke the Guinness World Record for the Most People Making Sandwiches Simultaneously. Subway decided to break that record on August 1 of 2015, but we have the Dallas Convention Center ready to go on February 27 to actually break that record. We’re going to expect three to five thousand people out there. The way that people are passionate about [TangoTab], the way they talk about it. … Sometimes people add me on social media and I don’t even know who they are, but I’ve met them at an event and all of a sudden I see them posting about it. To be there from the beginning and see it go from a concept and an idea to see now people all over this city talking about it? It’s humbling as marketer
Nick Marino and friends at Stories on The Naked Stage at Union.
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to see your brand expanding like that. EM: So, are there any other brands that you work with? NM: I work with some of the biggest brands … and I choose the clients that I work with. They have to be socially conscious or they have to be a start up that I can see growing and I can see their future. A company I work with, POWERHANDZ, definitely has [those qualities]. They’ve grown so much. I sit on their advisory board. I also work with their Power to Give Foundation because five percent of all their revenue goes straight back to local youth sports programs and building up those communities.
“Connecting is one thing that we’re doing right. We’re connecting all of the individuals that are there, and they are doing amazing things around the city. People that would have never met if it wasn’t for [Tango Tab]”
EM: I feel like these days it’s impossible to be an entrepreneur without being a social entrepreneur. Do you think that’s true? NM: I agree with that to an extent. There’s some companies like Tom’s Shoes or Krochet Kids or TangoTab or POWERHANDZ that bring [social entrepreneurship] into their culture from the very beginning. Then you’ll see a lot of brands do what I call “the hit it and quit it” method. They’ll say “We’re gonna donate $10 of every purchase for this one week or this one day.” That’s not giving back. It has to be ingrained in your culture. Look at someone like Coca Cola or Nestle or PepsiCo. You’re telling me that with the profits they make, if they don’t take some money out of their bottom line that they’re not actually going to be able to end the world water problem? They absolutely can. And, no, I don’t want to stop businesses that say, “Let’s get our employees volunteering. Let’s do these one day things.” Continue to keep doing those great things! That’s perfectly fine. But how you define yourself as a company is different than what you do. Make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not to just put that profit over people. EM: What made you passionate about giving and giving back? NM: I come for humble beginnings. I always say I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was raised with a wooden one, but I was fed well. I’ve been working since I was 15 years old. Even when I was a kid, I would start home run derby competitions in my neighborhood and charge all the kids. [With that money] I bought my first Sega Genesis which I still have. ... EM: … Absolutely! You totally keep that! NM: It’s something that is a consistent reminder of con-
tinuing to work for what you want. I don’t think I was handed anything. I put myself out there. I’m not afraid to fail, and I guess that comes from playing baseball. If you succeed 30 percent of the time, you’re a hall of famer. I was raised with constructive criticism in sports from my dad. Whenever I’d make a mistake, he’d say, “Here’s how you can build from it. Here’s how you can make it better.” From
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my mom I learned just hard work and passion and caring for doing what you do. I was blessed in 2008 to go to the Dominican Republic. I didn’t have the money to go on that trip. I was playing college baseball at the time. I was working one day a week. All of a sudden I got a phone call saying my entire trip was paid for. I was in the poorest city in the Dominican, Barona, seeing first hand what world hunger looks like and what real struggle is. But, what I also saw there was real joy. ... It made me really take a step back and look at my life and my surroundings. I remember - right there [playing with Dominican kids] on the baseball field - radical change. EM: You have SO much energy! How do you use that charisma and passion to inspire people? How do you pass that on to others? NM: I love to post on social media. And it’s not for myself. A question that I get asked all the time is “Why do you do these posts? Your posts always look so great!” It’s not about that. A prime example is going to Tent City here in Dallas. Tent City is where hundreds of homeless men, women and children live in Dallas in tents. One day I posted a picture and it got a ton of attention. But, it got attention not in likes or shares or comments. It got attention from having people reach out to me and wanting to start their own feedings on Tuesdays or Saturdays. If I didn’t make that one post, those people would have never gone out there. If I don’t post about TangoTab and let people know what we’re doing? ... I’m not dining out 1.2 million
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times a year! Andre’s not doing that either! We need people to come together. We’re a nation that says that we are the United States of America, and there’s a lot of places where we fall short of that and we’re divided. ... We are all humans here, and when we work together, good things come from it. EM: Can you tell me a little bit about your role with the Mayor’s Star Council? What have you done and what do you hope to accomplish in 2016? NM: The Mayor’s Star Council is based on three things. Learn, Serve, and Connect. With learning, people have no idea the routes they have to take to get something passed in a certain district. People have no idea how it gets to certain people that run things in the actual city. I’ve been able to get educated on that information. As far as serving, the mayor has a huge grow south initiative that works with south Dallas and southern Dallas which are two separate things. A lot of people don’t know that. Connecting is one thing that we’re doing right. We’re connecting all of the individuals that are there, and they are doing amazing things around the city. People that would have never met if it wasn’t for this organization. Even the connections that [TangoTab] got for the Dallas Convention center came through the Mayor’s Star Council. [To keep this initiative going,] I work with the development side of things to make sure that [the Mayor’s Star Council] is completely sustainable in how we build for the future.
EM: In all the things I’ve seen you say with regard to yourself as a brand, I know that your quote for life is “Live with Purpose.” What would you say your purpose is? NM: [Nick smiles mischievously here.] I always ask that question to people. To simply say, “I just want to do good and make a difference,” I think there’s more to it than that. It comes from where you come from. The cliche answer is to leave the world a better place than I found it. Overall I want to build my legacy. And not for me personally, but for my kids, if I’m fortunate enough to have kids one day, and my grandkids. For them to be able to look back and say, “That’s what my grandpa did. That’s what my great grandpa did. That’s the person he was.This is our lineage and this is our history as a family.” That’s from a personal standpoint. Outside of that, a lot of people don’t know how to get connected in the community. They know what’s affected them in their lives, but they don’t know how to make a difference in that area. I want to be that person that if they need to ask a question about it, they can come and ask me and I’ll have and answer for them. No, I may not be able to tell them exactly what to do, but I’ll be able to point them in the direction of people that do know what to do. EM: Finally, can you tell me more about MISSIOND? What is the social entrepreneurial aspect of that project? NM: This is a good one. MISSIOND started off in 2012 as a t-shirt clothing line with a buddy of mine. The week before we actually launched on September 24 of 2012, my mom had a stroke. I was actually launching the brand from a hospital. So, we got off to a little bit of a rocky start. Then in 2013, I was trying to put all these different things under one umbrella, and that wasn’t it either. So,
early in 2015 I said, “What is MISSIOND? What is it going to be?” And it’s what we just spoke about. Helping people find what their passion is. As much as there are people searching for what their passion or their purpose is, there’s a lot of people that do know what their purpose is. What if we actually built a platform that highlights people doing great things all around the world? It’s almost similar to a Humans of New York, but instead of focusing on one city, we’re focusing on giving and doing good. So, we created this platform and it’s been growing quite a bit. We have dozens upon dozens of messages on our Instagram inbox of people wanting to be featured. And that’s really cool because I wasn’t expecting that. So, we’re launching our MISSIOND shop in 2016 in January. We’ll have some Live With Purpose gear, but our main thing will be wristbands. If it’s on [the black side], that means I haven’t done my good deed for the day. Once I do my good deed for the day, I flip it to the [the white side]. There’re so many people that wear these silicone rubber wristbands, but it’s just a name. This is something simple that acts as a constant reminder and an action taker every day. Also, in 2016 I will be releasing my first book called Living with Purpose. It will be the the same thing as MISSIOND but in book form. It will be a very easy read highlighting some amazing individuals.em Geez! Isn’t Nick the coolest? I can’t wait to see what he does next for the city! To keep up with Nick and the MISSIOND story, visit missiond.org. To volunteer with TangoTab (or to help break that Guinness World Record!), visit www.TangoTab.com and follow them on Facebook. And go download the TangoTab app!
Visit Union online at www.UnionDallas.net or at 5622 Dyer Street Dallas, TX 75206
Download the TangoTab app and help feed the hungry. www.TangoTab.com elisiamagazine.com
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HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED HOW THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE TRULY SEE YOU? ELISIA MAGAZINE
ASKED SOME OF OUR FAVORITE MALE FRIENDS TO WEIGH IN ON WHAT MAKES THE WOMEN THEY LOVE - FRIENDS, MOTHERS, LOVERS“A WOMAN.”
Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, style. what makes her The graceI'ofm mya woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman,
woman
Chelsea has the most sincere smile that reects her heart, puts people at ease, and invites them into the freedom she walks in.
SHANTE
I LOVE her, not only for the AMAZING WOMAN she is, but for who I am when I am with her. My love, my lover, and most importantly my best friend.
Words are her currency.
Prayer isn't a time for her, but a language she has with her Father. It's what makes her so secure in who she is and who she isn't. She's proud to be a daughter, and excited to hear and tell the stories of her brothers and sisters.
CHELSEA
Missy. Joan A. Wilson has dedicated her life to teaching and reaching all people at all ages. She has worked as an educator from high school to college and administration. She
BRANDIE
Brandie epitomizes anomaly. Her trust in Jesus has moved her to give all of herself to vulnerability, faithfulness, and deep courage. Brandie has a knack for using her story, words, and passion to encourage, expedite, and maximize others in their life and calling. She makes the best teammate and a pretty bomb friend, too!
has also worked as an evangelist, missionary and teacher. She is a profound woman of intelligence, compassion with a love for all people. She is a mother of 4 and wife to Frankie C. Wilson Sr.
JOAN
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1. Cherish Robinson, cohost of The Midday Lockdown, supporting the Free the Streets Teen Summit with cohost, Gino LockJohnson Iglehart and the Free the Streets team. | 2. Feleceia at SXSW | 3.Esther at SXSW | 4. Tracy Williams - ready to enter the red carpet at the 58th Annual Grammy Awards in Los Angeles. | 5. Mandy Rausch | 6. Nikki Hurd - Be Styled, Be Hurd - on set at CW33 ready to film the ‘Be Styled, Be Hurd” fashion segment. Check it out on April 6, 2016 @ 8:00 a.m. | 7. Toni Williams was recently featured in Huffington Post Divorce for Dear Former Husband, a letter she wrote her ex-husband thanking him for all she’s learned from him through the years. | 8. Cheryl Rischer as Mocha Mob on DFWiRadio.com | 9. Feleceia Benton and Tracy Williams supporting Inside Gospel Live at SXSW 2016
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HAS THE D E FI NI TI O N OF A WOMAN C HANGED OVER TIME? D O WE STI LL R E PR ESE N T WOMAN HOOD AS IT WAS REPRESE NTE D I N THE PAST? LAURYN GIVES HER TAKE O N WH AT A WOMAN TRULY IS AN D IF SHE STIL L EX ISTS.
Women go? where did all the lauryn marshall
Dainty elegant creatures that can control a room, cause chatter to cease in mid sentence, command respect and honor without ever asking for it verbally. That's a woman. She isn't necessarily the most gorgeous woman in the room, but she's the most desired. She may not be the best dressed woman in the room, but she is the high point of interest. She may not even be the most popular woman in the room, but is the most self assured. This may not be the dictionary's definition of a woman, but this is what a woman truly is. How does something so precious deteriorate? When you want so badly to be a star you'll sell your charm and become a public floozy for all to see. When you're so desperate to hold onto the rag of a boyfriend that you have you'll go to any length to try to hold on to him when it's inevitable that he's going to eventually desert you anyway. When you feel pressed to do things that you don't feel right about because you want to hold onto your spot as “the popular girl�. Or maybe because you want to prove to someone, possibly even yourself that you are a grown woman. Well none of these things are going to make you grown, or cool, help you keep a man, or stay a star or pageant winner forever. You know why? Because there's always someone younger, prettier, smarter, more talented and
charming. And no one will care or remember who you are, what you did, and why it mattered...but you. Because only you get stuck with the bill. The bill where you have to pay for your foolishness, your impulsive decisions, the wasted time that you can't get back and all the dignity you lost striving for things that didn't last. So ask yourself, What am I going through? Who am I trying to impress and why? What am I trying to prove? What exactly is it that I want? Where is all this coming from? How long have I felt this way? After answering these questions that you have in your heart that only you have the answers to, you'll finally have a clear base understanding of yourself and what's going on within you. From there you'll be able to make more sound decisions. Because you must deal with your truth, pretending that certain things don't hurt you or bother you just isn't true or realistic. You must take the time to investigate the matters of your heart by uncovering your past, your secrets, your insecurities, your hurts and all your hidden desires to truly be able to understand yourself in the fullness therein.em Follow Lauryn on Instagram at @officiallaurynmarshall
You must take time to investigate the matters of the heart by uncovering your past. em
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by faye smith
drops in the
how a few words can shift a life...forever
I have a friend, Sharon, who is a book editor. Sometimes I wonder if her thoughts include red-pen corrections as I’m talking to her, but then she’s way too nice for that. She invited me to a new kind of party scheduled for last night, a Bucket List Party. The special speaker, Tracy Levinson, the author of a book called Unashamed, was there to emcee. What is a Bucket List Party, you wonder? I did too. I didn’t wonder too terribly much at first because I really wanted to stay home after a day of running around. But as a good friend of mine always reminds me, “We need to show up for our friends’ big moments.” And this qualified as such for both Sharon and Tracy.
to stay opaque and that I was only there to support my book-editing friend Sharon, I found myself adding to Jody’s quest to be valued. “I actually do feel appreciated,” I began. “I mean, in the sense that others will often bring to light the fact that I have met a need or a want in their lives, whether personally or professionally. “Oh Faye, you’re so thoughtful to do [this or that] for me,” or “Faye, you go behind the scenes and do [whatever], and that really helped me so much.” You’re welcome! I love doing that stuff. But what I really want is to be valued.
What does it mean to be valued? It means cost. After the snack-food-upon-arrival time (we are When I recognize an item’s value, then I’m willing to Americans who combine snacks with meetings, ar- pay its cost. It’ll cost us all something to value each en’t we?), all of us women in the room took our other. The cost may be showing kindness when we
what does it mean to be valued? seats. Tracy shared her background and what led her to write her book, giving us a peak into her world and easily endearing her to us. Then came the practical exercise:
would so much rather not. Valuing you will definitely cost me TIME. Time to hear you, considering your ideas and the strength and emotion behind them. And my response? If I value you, even if I think you’re completely wrong I will respond in a way that will not On a sheet of paper we were to write down all of devastate you. Too often I fail miserably at this and the things we would like to do or change before we show no lovingkindness at all . As if it was optional. die. And we needed to stay positive. For instance, instead of saying, “I wish I would lose weight,” we This idea of how my humanity gets in the way of were to better phrase it as, “I wish my pants were valuing people led me to write these lyrics to one of looser,” or “I wish I loved to exercise.” Afterward my new songs. So thank you, Sharon, Tracy and Jody a few of us women volunteered to share their #1 for making last night a very valuable one. or #2 from their list. We heard things like, “I wish I could sing better,” and “I wish I could travel to Italy.” The conversation was as light and refreshing Today I decided to be kind – as the punch. Not to ignore that this is right So I will set my resolve and try to find – Then Tracy asked us to turn our papers over. This Someone who’s looking for a fight. time we would construct a new list. A relational I stood in line at the grocer, bucket list – meaning, each of us were to ask our- In the snail’s pace of inefficiency selves, “What would I like to see change in my re- I shifted my weight as I looked at her, lationships?” Ummm…. Can we just go back to Then discovered that the fighter her was me. talking about losing weight or making our travel I could have answered with words from Your heart. plans more exotic? Tracy asked if anyone was Instead I unloaded my flawed condition brave enough to share their #1 with everyone. Up With every piece of produce from my cart. went the hand of my friend – we’ll call her Jody. But Your lovingkindness reaches to the heavens Jody’s #1 was that she wanted to be heard, to be Can I be more like You – Can I be more like You? valued. NO WAY! How could her #1 be MY #1? I want to – Be more like You.em And then before I could remember that I resolved elisiamagazine.com
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What happens when the light at the end of the tunnel seems to disappear? Baranda explores how that light is generated and how women keep it shining.
By Baranda Fermin
While talking with girlfriends about the trials of society and our lives, I recently found myself saying in my grown woman voice, “We’ve gotten through worse, with less.” Then came the collective, “uhmmm hmmm,” surprisingly without any dissent. As we all sipped our coffee or wine, I realized, we are the adultier adults in the room. Somewhere along the way we shifted to the front of the line, and I wondered when.
That night, while relaxing and enjoying the cool breeze of a sporadic summer evening’s rain, I sat rocking with my eyes closed and praying. As I concluded, I breathed deeply and would normally have begun to hum softly. Instead, I unintentionally found myself ear hustling a conversation that shattered my priceless gem completely. In the pieces, something entirely different was revealed; something that has proved itself to be invaluable.
I recalled the first bend in the road, about four years ago, or more than 10 years ago - depending on whether the experience or the revelation is the marker.
I heard someone say, “As a leader, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. Find ways to be inspired, to chip away at the barriers ahead.” My breath caught in my throat; my pitiful ear hustling game was discovered. I quickly retreated back into my own lair of thoughts. I sat contemplating this clandestine wisdom. The words resonated within my womb, within the depths of my creative, nurturing and overprotective soul. They revealed the power that we as women, can no longer abdicate if the joy we crave is to be indisputably our own.
In 2005, I began a doctoral program when “things” were good in U.S. society. Jobs were plentiful. Innovation was rampant. Some questioned why I would continue into a doctoral program in a discipline that was so enigmatic. My masters degree and experience was a solid meal ticket. In 2008, I was about halfway though my doctoral program, and folks were running to graduate school. Whole sectors of the economy were tanking. “Things” were bad everywhere, and for nearly everyone. Folks were applying to graduate school like it was the line for cheese and milk in the 80s.
Around this time I encountered a quote that made me giggle: “Due to the recession the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.”
As it turns out, things got THICK in my doctoral program and subsequently in my ENTIRE life shortly after I discovered this hilarious quip. It became somewhat of a mantra in the last legs of my journey through graduate school and into my womanhood. However, one night in 2012, about a year after completing my doctorate and just weeks before my first full time faculty position began, my mantra died a miserable death.
We are the ones our grandmothers prayed for, so we must go forth, flickering with the winds of em transition or turmoil, yet shining nonetheless.
“As a leader, you are the light at the end of the tunnel. Find ways to be inspired to chip away at the barriers ahead.” elisiamagazine.com
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It could be easily said by some, that woman is counterpart to man:
She is a rib, a help-meet. She is a nurturer, a mother. She is a maiden, maker of homes and healer of hearts. It could be equally as limiting for some to say that a woman is: A creator, a tenacious pioneer. A formidable trailblazer, a hero with an "S" before the "H". A plethora of synonyms can and should be used to describe a woman. But what makes this complex creature just that: a woman? We could wax poetic and proclaim that it is the thunder behind her still, small voice, or the ovarian fortitude that keeps her a-pressin'-on. Add a dash of sage advice, a few granules of patience and heaping cups of love and we've got ourselves a Wo-Man! That's right, as women so expertly do, we could create a recipe for a one-dimensional character who meets the expectations of those of us who like a one layered, unfrosted cake baked by our example of she who epitomizes traditional womanhood – June Cleaver. Or, we could generate a definition based on the scientific method and after much research, conclude that a woman is a complex combination of hypotheses. Historically, women have been defined by their biologically assigned body parts.
As a species, procreation must happen on a continuous basis. It is the woman who will carry the offspring. It is the woman who bleeds every month if pregnancy does not occur. It is the woman who is teased for having hot-flashes during her "change of life". A woman in a traditional family setting will be assigned household and work roles based on a Western, patriarchal view of gender. Nature and society have both contributed to putting a woman in her "place". While nature flows in balance, society flows in power. Nature flows into womanhood. Society uses womanhood as a tool. We can argue with biology or sociology about what makes a woman, or we can explore the many ways in which women are thriving in the roles they choose and are continuing to overcome gender-based/biased roles. Could it be that it’s neither this nor that which makes us a woman, but both? What makes any woman a woman isn't just what her body looks like and what her body can do. It is what she embodies that makes her the epitome of a woman. We could explore and share stories of women who have defied the odds of places, roles and stations that have been allotted to them, but the truth is we are those women. The women who create, teach and heal. The women who raise both womb-girl and man-child. The women who, child bearers or not, form the village in which we create a society that embodies Mark 12:31: "And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these." What make her woman? Ask her. In spite of societal pressures and expectations, and in harmony with nature, the very core of her answer will be what lies within in her heart. em
it is what she embodies that makes her the epitome of a woman. elisiamagazine.com
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Time and history have given us women who have overcome pain, struggle and heartache to achieve more than we could imagine. Their names are etched on our hearts and give us the courage to remember our names we well. They placed a bounty on her head for the acts she committed. With a pistol by her side, an unwavering faith in God, and a determination to guide her people to freedom, she persevered rather than perish. Her name is Harriet Tubman. She’s expected to give even more in her work, while maintaining a ‘good attitude,’ yet she still makes $.077 for every $1.00 a man makes. Her name is Frustrated. She was denied entry into prestigious schools because of the color of her skin, despite the genius of her musical abilities. Rather than cower to prejudice, she celebrated her blackness when no one else would, and became an icon for selflove and equal rights. Her name is Nina Simone. She’s expected to make good decisions for every part of her life, yet the education and resources she needs to do so are stripped away from her by those who will never understand what it means to be a woman. Her name is Outraged. She is Ivy-league educated and a champion for youth, veterans, and most of all her family. Yet, these accomplishments are often overshadowed by hate and ignorance. Still, she continues to advocate for others and use her success as her response. Her name is First Lady Michelle Obama. She’s a single mom whose life was forever changed the moment her legacy was placed in her arms. Despite giving her best for her children and others, she’s often undervalued. Her name is Exhausted. She was bullied because of her weight and could have allowed her self-esteem to plummet. Yet, at 10 years old, she responded by creating her
own fashion line. She debuted it this year at New York Fashion Week. Her name is Egypt ‘Ify’ Ufele. She’s succeeded despite so many odds, yet her strongest critics are other women. Her name is Confused. She can look throughout her past and present and find the names of women who, by all accounts, could have and should have given up. The challenges seem too great, the critics too loud, the discouragement too strong. Yet, while giving up is expected, it remains unobserved. Her name at times may be Frustrated due to the lack of equality that still exists. She calls herself Outraged some days because of the double standards that she faces in society. Her alter ego is Exhausted on the days where she feels like she can’t take one more step backward. She calls herself Confused during the moments she doesn’t receive support from those who should be the first to give it. The beauty of these names is that they aren’t permanent. As she embodies the strength of Harriet and Nina to embrace her obstacles as mere stepping stones to greatness. As she channels the perseverance of Michelle and Ify to use her detractors as her motivation: She can stand with her sisters, and proudly declare, “My name is Survivor.” em
FRUSTRATED OUTRAGED EXHAUSTED SURVIVOR What’s your name? Whose name do you use as your motivation? Tweet me @tracytrw with your story. Use #HerNameIs to continue the celebration of the women in our lives.
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