Ink and Fairydust
In November, we want to know why you loved Regina's latest book, "Alex O'Donnell and the 40 Cyberthieves!" Send us your answer in 200 words or less and we may feature it in the November issue! Answers should be emailed to inkandfairydust@yahoo.com by September 30th.
Imagine... a baby in the darkness of his mother's womb. Yet not alone. There is a light in the darkness. An Angel in the Waters.
Regina Doman
Ben Hatke
put on hold until she could get over her unspoken love. Again, in the relationship, do not make assumptions! It's the worst thing you can do! Assuming that because I showed con• cern for you that I'm in love is completely messed up. Ofcou• rse I'm going to be concerned! A girl's friends who are also girls will be concerned, but she never thinks that ilhey're in love with her! A guy can love a girl in a non-romantic way. I know because nearly every girl in my life, with the exception of one, I love in a non-romantic way, and there is definitely more than one girl in my life. Am I concerned for these other girls? Do I care about them and their lives? Most definitely. But am I in love with them? No! This is such an important part, and must be emphasized again because my friends who are girls tell me how easy it is for girls to fantasize and read into things. Hope fully they're not going to wonder if they could be the one girl I am interested in, because that is doing the very thing I'm telling them to avoid. In order for our relationship to not grow awk• ward, they cannot be thinking about whether or not I'm intere• Sled or not, they cannot be falling into the selfishmess my mother talked about, about how I could or do meet their "needs" in their life. I'm going to try to make my point in the simplest way I can. The only person whose romantic feelings you should be thin king about are your own. A huge problem in these relationships is an inflated idea about one's own status in the other's life. Ifwe get this perverted desire or idea that the other person "needs" us for any reason, emotional attachments are going to grow, and when the other forms other friendships, jealousy and strife mess things up. Additionally, ifgirls or guys are trying to get their friends of the opposite sex to "need" them, they're trying to be their wife. That's not your relationship with him. Ifyou're trying to be just friends, attempting to be a surrogate wife is the exact op posite of how you should be acting. And actually, for any girl to try to get her friend to need her is even worse than attempt ing to be his wife, it's attempting to be his goddess.
say, "Hey, I think you're cute and I want to maybe date you someday. In the meantime, let's just be friends with no rom• antic feelings involved." That's just stupid. I think it's better to tell a girl you're not interested for her sake so she won't be guessing. And were that to change, tell her, even ifshe doesn't return the feelings, at least you'll know so you can move on. I believe though, that the Preacher in Ecclesiastes must be he ard, that there is a time and a season for everything. When you do marry, you cannot have friends ofthe opposite sex that arc not also friends of your spouse. Part ofbecoming one flesh is having mutual friends, and another part is maintaining faith fulness. Having close friendships while married with someone ofthe opposite gender is asking for disaster. Therefore, enjoy your singleness while you can. To make it easier to say good bye to some ofyour close friends ofthe opposite sex, keep in mind that Heaven is perpetual singleness. So even though for a time friendships might be given up, you'll have a relationship with them on the New Earth that is beyond anything you could ever have here. In a sense, when you marry, you're saying that this woman is worth giving up certain types offriendships with girls. You've chosen her; abide by your choice. I really enjoy my friendships with girls, and I am grateful for the relationships I have with them. I do believe though that it is easier for certain people to have these types ofrelationships without entangled emotions, and part ofhaving successful re lationships of this kind is becoming that type of person. I'm a living, breathing example ofa guy who has good friends who are girls, and a number ofthem gave me their thoughts on the subject to help me write it. In other words, it can be done.
I think the key to these friendships is a rather simple idea. One that is rather freeing, and points to the error people make, just because ofan over�phasis on relationships of this kind. The issue is that ycu're way too worried about it. Just relax, let the friendship grow naturally from companionship. Why do you keep returning to thoughts ofwhether or not he's interested? Because you're worrying about it, whichever one it is you de sire. lfhe is interested, he's going to say something eventually, and remember it's only going to make the relationship difficult ifyou keep thinking about it.
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One ofmy good friends told me that he finds friendships with girls refreshing. It is extremely beneficial to get a female per spective on life. However, to address the guys, you need to be aware ofgirl's propensity to read into things. It is good to be clear whether you are looking for more than friendship or not. At the start it might not be the best idea to walk up to her and
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``I am not now to learn,'' replied Mr. Collins, with a formal wave of the hand.``that it is usual with young ladies to reject the addresses of the man whom they secretly mean to accept, when he first applies for their favour."
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