Femme Noire Volume 4 by Femme Noire Magazine

Femme Noire

VOLUME IV

Femme Noire

eDITORs IN Chief: Keturah Raymond & Jayla gOODLOE Creative Editor : Olivia Zimmerman visual director: Colette Lathan GRAPHIC DESIGNER: TAYLOR HAMILTON general editors: Abbigail Henry, Ashley blanco, jasmin gill, jewéL jACKSON, NHARI DJAN, VOLDA appia-kusi Secretary: Naomi Duncan PR DIRECTOR: TAJANAE HARRIS

WRITERS NHARI DJAN, ABBIGAIL HENRY, DESJAH ALVATER, ASHLEY BLANCO, HANIYAH PHILOGENE, JASMIN GILL, NAOMI DUNCAN, AYANA HERNDON, OLIVIA ZIMMERMAN, jewéL jACKSON, Volda APPIA-KUSI, DASSY KEMEDIJO

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A femme noire guide to wine night

Let’s talk about sex

shooting your shot, getting on top

to all our sisters of color

16 nip/tuck 18

the female gaze: the playlist

i’m tryna get like you sis

i’m good luv, enjoy

but make it sexy

abigail covington: at large & in charge

the female gaze: examining women’s art

my hair, my business

becoming: a letter to my parents

self care for your sign

44 acknowledgements

Femme Noire

Letter from To say the very least, this semester has been exhausting. Creating this issue was overwhelming and felt almost untimely. I found myself so consumed by life and other obligations that I lost my motivation. I was operating on autopilot trying so hard to meet deadlines and requirements, trying so hard to please others that I forgot about Keturah. Both my physical and mental health deteriorated but it’s within your darkest moments that you must pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Tired and exhausted, you find yourself with your back against the wall. The world is pointing fingers and expecting you to be this way and that way – so much that you forget your own sense of self. You become timid and cower in the face of all these expectations and demands. I was so consumed that this issue almost never saw the light of day. But it had to. As women, our every move is scrutinized. People question our capabilities and whether or not we can hold positions of power. We’re expected to lay dormant and be submissive in every aspect of life. If we go for what we want we’re seen as aggressive and selfish. If we dare take control of our sexual desires we’re seen as whores. We fake smiles when we’re catcalled in the street in fear of retaliation. You wear too much makeup? You’re doing it for attention. Do nothing at all? You’re a prude. This issue, round 4, is a big fuck you to those expectations, to the male and worldly gazes that confine women. To the standards that are set for us but were always meant to be broken. To those who try to police our bodies, actions and minds. To the thoughts that consume you late night and tell you you’re not good enough. To the barriers that try to keep us out of office, out of positions that we are qualified for. To wage gaps. A big fuck you to everything and anything that tries to hold you down. This issue takes all of that and shifts the gaze and the narrative. The next time I write this letter will be the last time. That weighs heavy on my heart but I also know that this magazine will be in good hands. Continue to be brilliant, continue to be bold, continue to be outspoken.

kETURAH rAYMOND

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If you had told me in September I’d be writing this, I would’ve laughed in your face. Exactly one year after joining Femme, and I’m writing an editor’s letter? Unheard of in my mind. This semester, I stepped into this unlikely role: supporting my editor in chief, and faced one hell of a learning curve. I made mistakes, a lot of them, I procrastinated, probably didn’t delegate enough. I had to learn to multitask and budget my time, but I also had to learn to take breaks and take care of myself. Something that is much harder than it sounds. . But here I am: proud, ecstatic, and slightly in over my head. This issue like every issue of ours is about women. But now more than ever do we celebrate, uplift, and, of course, get real with the women of color in our lives. We say “fuck you” to the patriarchy and we shift our gaze totally toward the feminine: “The Female Gaze”. We show you how to throw the perfect wine night, and discuss being assertive (in and out of the bedroom). We get real with our insecurities, and we celebrate what we love about our bodies. We talk about jealousy and rage, and all the emotions women of color usually have to hide. We uplift one truly boss ass woman who exists on our campus. And to the fuckboys who don’t deserve us, we say “I’m good luv, enjoy” and “boy, BYE”. I dedicate this issue to all the strong, sensitive, girly, sporty, am-BITCH-ous women out there. The women who have raised me, the women who hold me accountable, the women who push me past the confines of my comfort zone to show me that I -and we- are more than the limitations we set for ourselves. I leave you with this. When life get’s tough, as it always does, be overwhelmed. Cry. Feel. Then remember who you are, a bad bitch, and act accordingly.

Olivia Zimmerman

Femme Noire

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Femme Noire

A femme noire GUIDE A wise woman once said “wine drunk is where classy you meets super slutty you to make an even stronger being”. Never has there ever been a truer statement. Wine night is essential to endure the craziness of this world we live in. So pop open that bottle of Sutter Home and follow these steps to a successful wine night with your girls.

1.The Wine If you’re new to the world of wine, you can never go wrong with a good Moscato (pink if you’re bougie). She tastes like alcoholic juice, so you’ll ease on into wine drinking society. If you have a more sophisticated palette, Sauvignon Blanc is your best friend, the perfect balance between dry wine and a little bit of sweetness. Now, if you’re deep in your bag, it’s time to break out the Merlot. It’s complex and a little bitter, just like your feelings.

2.The Food Let’s get real, this isn’t Napa, this is your apartment with a bottle of $10 wine. Let’s eat accordingly. Now you could be basic and order pizza, maybe a few wings. But the best, (and cheapest) wine snack of all time is Tostitos Hint of Lime with medium salsa. Trust and believe.

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3.The Music All wine nights must end with you and your friends at least a little deep in your Birkin. How you get there however is entirely up to you. We suggest a little Astroworld, Summer Walker, or even the playlist featured in this magazine! But it is law that Frank Ocean’s Blond must conclude the wine night playlist. Thank you for coming to our TEDTalk.

4.The Entertainment Who invented getting wine wasted with the girls talking about boys and life? Carrie Bradshaw of course! Pay homage to the queen of girl talk by binge watching Sex & the City. .

5.The Friends What would wine night be without good people to hang out with. Whether they’re your lifetime girls or some newer additions, remember it’s always better to drink with friends than to finish a bottle of Malbec alone.

Femme Noire

BY Nhari Djan SEX. It’s a topic that dominates our generation’s conversations. So obviously, we had to have our own take. We got three SU students together to discuss what sex and sexuality means to them. Q: What do you love about sex? Josie: I mean, it feels good. Victoria: For me, I want intimacy, and emotion. So if that’s not there, then it’s not good sex to me. But that changes from person to person. Josie: I’m a really physical person, so it doesn’t always have to have that emotion. It’s more like a biological like, “let’s go get this.” On a rating of better sex I’ve had, it’s more emotionally connected, because you can cuddle after and it’s not weird.

Q: Does “body count” matter? Victoria: As long you’re safe and happy, it’s none of my business. Jonathan: I think we’re living in an age where it’s normalized for women to have sexual cravings and not be demonized for it. Still, a lot of our terminology, like “hoe” and “thottie” are based around female aura, and less on men having promiscuous energy. At the same time, I think that it’s good that we’re trying to make people feel OK with having a lot of sex. Josie: I’ve encountered guys, like if I’ve told them that, I immediately see a “look” and it’s like uncomfortable. And luckily my

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boyfriend now is really cool with it. He’s like, “I have you now, like this is kinda cool. ” But like there’s still vestiges of that where guys do feel intimidated.

Q: As a society, where are we on sex? Where are we progressive, and where are we regressive? Josie: There’s definitely so many areas that we have to work on. A lot of America sometimes comes off as being equalized, but then on the inside it’s completely the opposite. I’ve met actually a concerning number of women who don’t tell their partners what they want. They just kind of expect it to happen. Victoria: It’s not sex if you didn’t get off, in my opinion. We didn’t fuck. Like, we just hung out for a little. It won’t happen again, most likely.

Q: How does sexuality play into your identity? Josie: Mine really played into my identity. I identify as a sexual person and I’m proud of it. I used to think it was an issue like that because I think like you said, society makes you think it’s an issue. But now I’m like, this is a fun thing for me and I like it, and if whatever guy I’m with is deterred by it, then you know, “Bye!”

Q: Does your sex life define you? Does it define other people?

Q: What do you wish more people understood about sex and sexuality?

Victoria: I feel like when you’re queer, that’s one of the top things that people think. When I’m like, “Hi, I’m Victoria and I’m queer” then it’s like, “Oh, like what kind of sex is she having?” Like that’s not even -we’re not even sleeping together- that’s not even on the table. So why is that the biggest thing? Like my sex life is front page. Because when you hear “queer”, it’s like “Oh, sex.” Well when I hear that you’re straight, the first thing I wonder about isn’t who you were fucking.

Josie: One thing would be that it’s fluid. Sexuality is fluid, gender is fluid. What you want in a certain moment is fluid. If I say that I wanted this to happen the last time we had sex, I may not want it to happen now, and I could sit on a bed naked and I could still say no. There’s a lot of, you know, people [that] will say, “Well, if you had said yes the first time, why aren’t you saying yes now?” Or, “If you liked that the first time, why don’t you like that now?” Or you know, “If you liked her the first time, what do you like him now?”

Jonathan: Especially if you’re a queer female, like if you’re a queer male, then at points it’s like, “Oh, you have sex with guys, that’s kind of weird.” But for women, especially with straight men, they’re like, “Oh, she’s freaky. She must have some wild, twisted-ass sex.” It’s like a turn on for them because it’s for them, they want to over-sexualize you. But when you’re not about that and you want to have “vanilla sex” they’re just like, “What do you mean?”

“Never vanilla sex. Never that.”

Victoria: Never vanilla sex. Never that Jonathan: They get weirded out, or they just like don’t understand it. And I think that it’s just a duality.

Jonathan: You can’t put biology on expression and what you want in that moment. You might be a straight man, but if you like a guy then you should just be able to like that guy in a way that it doesn’t matter. There’s this stigma of different sexualities and having to be with it. That if you’re a gay man and if you all of a sudden like a female, this makes you not gay anymore, and you’re not a part of the queer community. And you lose your core community but you’ve also already lost your straight community, so where do you go? Victoria: I feel like how you feel, and who you like, and what you like is completely defined by you. And it doesn’t need to be understood by anyone else.

Participants: • Josie, sophomore, she/her/hers, identifies as straight/heterosexual • Victoria, sophomore, she/her/hers, identifies as pansexual • Jonathan, junior, he/him/his or they/them/theirs, identifies as queer

Femme Noire

Getting on TOP By Abbigail Henry Last weekend, I ordered delivery and I met a boy. A very attractive boy. As he approached my door, the glow from my porch light shined upon him, and he smiled as he handed over my wings. In this moment, I knew that I wanted to pursue him. I grabbed my phone and using the number that he texted me for the delivery, I sent a flirty text his way. Our first date was on Friday, and our next one is in the works. You can sit around and wait for things to happen to you, or you can actively go and seek them out for yourself. I am proposing the latter. Ladies, no more batting your eyes at the cute guy from across the room or breathing in your crush’s direction and assuming that he will get the hint. In our society, sexuality has been confined to social norms. Women often wait to be approached by their sexual interestand are argued to be dominated during sex. It is 2018 and I am tired of it. Sexuality is unraveling, and women are taking control during sex. Men are shooting their shot, getting on top and setting the pace.

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Sex is between you and your partner to decide what you both want to do and to pleasure each other. Presently there is the stigma that women have sex done to them, and that they are not active participants. Girl, shoot your shot, get on top and take control during sex. It’s what you deserve! Lauren*, who likes both men and women but does not ascribe to a label, states that her approach to shooting her shot differs depending on who she is trying to approach. “Shooting my shot with a guy is way easier for me because guys tend to be less critical and it takes less effort to finesse them,” she says. But when it comes to shooting her shot at girls, she feels as if she must be more creative in order to woo them. No one likes to be rejected, but do not allow that to deter your efforts. In Lauren’s opinion both sexes tend to be more turned on by a dominant woman. More importantly, if they say no to your efforts then they did not deserve you anyway, and there is someone elsewhere that will.

One of the biggest concerns with women in terms of sexual encounters is how to initiate sex. Many women are nervous and do not like to start the process of foreplay or getting on top themselves. Amanda notes that taking charge during sex can be a source of empowerment. She believes that in a heterosexual relationship, women are socialized to believe that when it comes to sex they should look to the man to provide pleasure, and give an amazing experience. “In a way it makes us handicapped to a man because now we need him to get a certain form of pleasure. He sets the pace, chooses the position etc,” she says. “When a woman takes charge, she is taking on this role we have given to the men and now she is gaining a form of power because she is no longer bound to this man to get her climax. “I love being on top and in control because being on top places the power in my hands and he cannot climax unless I make him. I think it is powerful and a turn on for myself because I am in charge of both of our pleasures.”

“I tell my partner I want to ride and then I do my thing,” Amber says, “When I’m riding, I like to take charge because it makes me feel sexy and empowered. I like having that one moment during however many rounds that I am in control of the pace and when they can let go.” Initiating sex can also be as simple as a look. Alyssa, who has been in a relationship with her girlfriend for 2 years, states that in terms of initiating sex with my current girlfriend, she like to surprise her with it. “We can be watching Netflix and chilling, she will just look too damn good and I will just start to do some foreplay like rubbing on her and it will take off from there,” she says. Initiating sex can be a frightening experience, but do not allow that to stop you. In my experience, a simple consensual kiss is what can start everything off. Trail a few kisses on their neck, be vocal with your moans and do not hesitate to demand that your needs are met.

“I tell my partner I want to ride, and then I do my thing”

Sex can be empowering if you embrace your powers and use them. Lauren feels oral sex is great to take control during sexual encounters with male and female partners. “I like to be an extra tease because It makes them putty in my hands,” she says. “It is honestly extremely empowering because I get to decide everything that happens next while still getting pleasure to the both of us.” When she is with a female partner giving oral sex “is like the ultimate satisfaction to me because you can watch as their face shifts into extreme pleasure and it is this great feeling of accomplishment.” Amber*, a straight woman,says she initiates sex by touching or kissing her partner, or simply by taking off her clothes.

Keila*, who is in a three-year relationship argues that her sexual experience with her partner feels like a transfer of power.

“ I love the feeling of how consensual it. My partner is so much stronger than me physically, but I can feel him giving over control to me, letting go. It feels freeing to be the one that takes charge because I can take an active role in bringing pleasure for both of us.” Your pleasure is your own regardless of what your relationship with the partner in the sexual encounter is. Whether you are having a brief encounter with your partner or you are in an official relationship, you can be dominant in any capacity. I challenge you to be bold and daring. To understand that sexuality is fluid and take control of it. Your pleasure is yours to command, now let’s go get that orgasm.

Femme Noire

ToAll OurSisters of Color,

By Jewél Jackson & Naomi Duncan

We think you may have lost a sense of yourself You got caught up in the hustle of things and forgot to check in with yourself So let’s holla at you real quick Why are you allowing others to mistreat you? Others to misuse and abuse you? Others to tell you their stories and in your head think, “Wow that’s crazy” But you’re not too different from them Why are you forgetting who you are? You accept the crazy and lazy Friendships, relationships, and situationships But look at others as if they’re crazy But let’s look at you for a moment I just gotta ask… Sis, are you good? Why are you allowing yourself to be angry? Hurt? Upset? And not changing or removing the things or people that made you that way? Why do you smile when you know you need to cry? Is it cause you’re afraid to confess to yourself that you’ve been torn down? Why are you so nice to everyone but yourself ? You keep putting others first before you put yourself first And why are you jealous of that girl, wishing on her downfall? When instead you should focus on leveling yourself up And using her success as your motivation. Now, why are you still with that ain’t shit nigga? The same one you’ve complained to your friends about Yes...him. The one you know you need to leave or not talk to But you stay around cause you’re scared of being lonely? Nah sis, that ain’t it You shouldn’t accept this for yourself And we’re quite disappointed that you’re settling for the bare minimum So… since you seem a little lost, let me and my good sis right here remind you of who you are You’re beautiful, smart, understanding, and encouraging You’re everything your ancestors have fought for You’re grand and extra, and that’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re too good for him, the hurt and the disrespect He’s only a want, not a need So stop accepting the mistreatment and disrespect you’ve received Let me ask you one more time Sis, are you good? You need to correct your mindset and your attitude You need to set more goals and fulfill them And you need to fulfill the goals that you’ve already set Because until you meet them and learn to love yourself, you’ll never be good.

Fall 18 | Femme Noire

Femme Noire

NiP Tuck BY Desjah Altvater 16

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There is nothing like the image of a woman. With a unique exterior shell that cannot be defined and mirrors the truest beauty of what lies within, the reflection you see in the mirror is nothing short of spectacular. However, across the globe more women are treating themselves to plastic surgery with the intentions to transform their “flaws” into their idea of flawlessness. With the large role that social media plays, not only in our lives but the pulp of society, it’s no wonder why a healthy body image has decreased. As we scroll through our Instagrams and flip through the pages of Vogue, we often compare ourselves to unattainable standards set from centuries of Eurocentric brainwashing and society’s youth obsession. In 2017 alone, 1.8 million cosmetic procedures were reported by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, with the most popular ones being breast augmentation and liposuction for females. Plastic surgery is on the rise for women as they sculpt their appearance to find solace in beauty. But, does wanting plastic surgery mean that you hate yourself ? Not necessarily. Contrary to popular belief, plastic surgery is not restricted to cosmetic surgery (breast implants, Brazilian butt lift, liposuction) as it also adheres to burn and defect reparation, gender confirmation, fillers, and even laser hair removal. But, cosmetic procedures are more popular. Most of us have insecurities as we came of age that have stuck with us and escalated, or were created, due to ever changing beauty standards. Personally, some of the things I am most insecure about are also the most common physical features amongst women. That’s right, they’re normal. I bet “flaws” such as asymmetry, stretch marks, body rolls, and body hair, just to name a few, can be found on you, your friends, and even Beyoncé. Everyone goes through the journey of developing their body and facial features,

but our self-confidence doesn’t always follow. As we grow older, we might not find ourselves maintaining the youthful appearance once exuded simply due to childbirth, age, and gravity, or we may not find attraction in the genes we have been given. None of these means you are ugly, as it can be a false conception, but it also doesn’t mean you are wrong for wanting to change want you can’t naturally fix. Bernice Burgos, most known for her social media presence, has one of the most favorited and duplicated bodies amongst woman today. While her eye-catching physique is not natural, she takes pride in her decision to transform it. “Whatever I did to enhance my body, that’s me. I paid for that,” she said. After enduring an abusive relationship, she experienced depression and remained relatively thin for years, not being able to gain weight. But after going to a strip club and being mesmerized by the dancers’ bodies, she eventually went to a doctor. In his office rested an art sculpture to which she expressed, “I want to look like that”, eventually enhancing her butt and breasts. Regardless, the most beautiful thing about her body is the confidence she has in it which magnified after her procedures and even opened up several doors in terms of career and love. Whether you have considered cosmetic surgery or not, you are beautiful just the way you are. But, our bodies are just that, ours. If you have been feeling insecure over something that you absolutely cannot physically change, try to change the way you think about it. And if you cannot do such, then think critically of how you want to go about that change, with much consideration about the process. We all deserve to feel beautiful and have our own ways of going about it, just make sure you are doing it for yourself and yourself only.

Femme Noire

THE FEMALE GAZE: City Girls – Period (We Live) “I been the rawest bitch, checks on my resume, hoe” Teyana Taylor – WTP (Work This Pussy) “She’s a mother fuckin’ international sensation/She’s not your average show girl” Janelle Monae – I Got The Juice ft. Pharrell Williams “You’re number one and don’t you doubt it” Kash Doll – Ice Me Out “Sometimes I want marriage, sometimes I want karats” Megan Thee Stallion – Neva “He tellin me what he not one do/Wait a minute, first of all, who is you talking to.” Rico Nasty – Trust Issues “They only want beef with me because they see me winnin’” SZA – Doves in the Wind ft. Kendrick Lamar “You could never trivialize pussy/But a bum nigga like you would try it (pussy)” Cardi B – Best Life ft. Chance the Rapper “I’m my own competition, I’m competin’ with myself ” H.E.R. – As I Am “You know I’m the best, I am/You’d be a fool to not take me as I am” Length – 29 min

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“Alexa, play The Female Gaze Playlist”

Femme Noire

By Dassy Kemedijo

Fall 18 | Femme Noire

I’m Tryna Get Like You sis I’m Tryna Get Like You sis

I’m Tryna Get Like You sis

When your friends are successful, what’s the first thought that pops in your head: “yes, sis” or “girl, bye”? If your friend’s success motivates you to do better in your classes, jobs, or relationships, then that sounds like healthy competition. However, resenting your friend for her achievements is the green-eyed monster: jealousy. Surviving on a college campus presents enough challenges as it is—if you don’t have solid bonds, life is that much harder. In the wake of fourth-wave feminist movements like the #Me Too and Time’s Up movements, the uplifting of women is at the forefront of society. Not genuinely supporting your sis leads to a toxic cycle of backstabbing and betrayal. Is that the wave for the future of female empowerment? As young women, we see these scenarios play out in every aspect of our lives. When our friends want to start working out, we’re right on board as their gym buddy. When it comes to grinding to finish a twelve-page research paper, we stay on FaceTime for hours to make sure they’re focused. Even when our support takes the form of tough love, we have the best intentions for our friends. If your bestie’s sew-in is looking busted, then you tell her! If her résumé isn’t it, then you are the first one to let her know—and you’d want her to do the same. Empowering your friends in addition to self-empowerment is the key to healthy competition. Although your encouragement may not always be delivered with the nicest tone, honesty counts more than being polite. But there’s a difference between honesty and cruelty. You don’t have to unnecessarily tear down your friend in order to get your point across, and there is definitely no reason to relish in her defeats. Unless of course, you’re jealous. If that’s the case, then you need to sit down and examine your own insecurities. In the workplace, this behavior is known as the “queen bee syndrome,” which is women discriminating against women, especially

as they rise in rank. College has its own fair share of queen bee syndrome, but most of it is due to pettiness and self-doubt. Why fight over the top spot when you could share in the success? Obviously, women are not the only ones guilty of hurting other women. The other half of the population definitely contributes more than their fair share to female subjugation, but women play into this system as well. It’s a classic method of domination: divide and conquer. By raising and educating girls in a patriarchal system, it is embedded in our thought process that in order for a woman to advance in her field, she has to surpass another woman. In other words, we are conditioned to think that there can’t be two women at the top. Society feeds off this incessant need to pit women against other women, and it results in the trivialization of female agency. Women are already boxed in enough, and this is why authentic connections with each other are so necessary. Sure, you might think the Nicki-Cardi beef is entertaining, but it’s not so funny when you see the bigger picture—patriarchy thrives when women knock each other down. None of this is to say that women should automatically stand with each other in each and every situation, no questions asked, but we need to reexamine how we interact with each other, personally and professionally. Next time, check yourself when you’re celebrating the failure of your female friend: are you happy because her downfall will ultimately lead to your success? While Nicki and Cardi are currently on opposite sides, their competition will only push each other to be their best, as long as it’s a clean fight. Who knows? Maybe one day, they’ll set their differences aside and rule the rap game together. Complete female solidarity is unlikely, but maybe that’s a good thing. Women are not a monolith, but a myriad of distinct identities. We just have to remember that our triumph should not come at the expense of our sisters.

Femme Noire

bY aSHLEY bLANCO When summer comes around the corner, we females know what to expect. The sun, the heat, the basketball shorts, the lack of care for B.O. and the overly insistent catcalls that come our way. They are pelted at us, as if we were batting a pitch in a little league game. Catcalls are always received differently; whether flattered, disgusted or creeped out, but they always get different interpretations. What do they really mean to women? What affects do they have? Catcalls have become part of a culture that perpetuates female putdowns. Our generation has created this idea of “curving people” that has allowed women to disregard the catcalls and in a way, retaliate. But with the curving, we hear the ever-so-clever, “that’s why you was ugly anyways.” Through a male perspective, it’s jokes and fun, but as females, it can be viewed as demeaning. We are taught by society, that men are inherently sexual beings and when not given the response they desire, the deflation to their egos makes them say “that’s why you was ugly anyways,” to boost it back up, all while depreciating women. So the question becomes, how do we even deal with catcalls in the first place? Can we feel flattered by them? Can we disregard them without retaliating? Should we retaliate? There is no clear response, because realistically there isn’t a right or wrong. I think as women, we decide to curve men so as to not feel objectified in any way we did not consent to. When men respond with “that’s why you was ugly anyways,” it’s a cop-out, or a way to make themselves feel better from being rejected. What does the phrase even mean in reality? It’s like they are choosing to say, “I didn’t really want to call out to you because your physical features were not anything to call out to,” but mainly it’s a way to inflate

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I’m good a bruised ego when a woman turns them down. Catcalls are always a very juxtaposing issue, because we feel appreciated, but at the same time, objectified. “That’s why you was ugly anyways,” also creates a disparity between what beauty is. When it’s put in that context, it reminds me that as women, we are pressured to fit a certain mold when it comes to looks. As women of color, we come from a society that has portrayed us many times as “less desirable,” and this only maintains that way of thinking. We receive it in different ways, but we all see the underlying ridiculousness of the comment. Why waste your time making yourself known to me if I was so called “ugly?” Who dictates my beauty? The answer is not them, and it never will be them. They prove themselves to be toxic beings when they contribute to the many problems women face in society. It brings up the ever-pending issue of hyper masculinity. What is “macho” is seen as having to assert yourself, in this case, asserting that you can’t possibly be rejected and to feel that you haven’t been rejected, you ridicule who women are and our individualistic beauty. The phrase in its entirety creates this toxic affiliation with beauty because as women, we see, and feel, the push and pulls of beauty standards. As women of color we especially see and feel it even more. We aren’t necessarily taught to be aware of it, but we learn to recognize it ourselves. “That’s why you was ugly anyways” isn’t a phrase that is valued, but our millennial generation has created a joke around it, because who wouldn’t. Yet, if we dig deeper into what it truly shows and means, we see issues of toxic masculinity, idealized beauty standards, and the devaluing of women. As women, we have to learn to be resistant of these ideals of what the mainstream aesthetics affirms to be beautiful.

luv, enjoy

Two of our writer’s speak their piece on catcalling, men, and being a woman in 2018. Y’all I have a genuine question? Why do men feel like they have the right to catcall and harass women? Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with men shooting their shot. However, telling a woman she should smile more while she is walking down the street or screaming “Ayo ma, let me talk to you for a minute sexy” is not the way to get a woman’s attention sir. Especially not when they begin to make a woman feel not only uncomfortable, but also unsafe. Ladies, now I know we have all been out walking minding our business and men (of all ages by the way) have tried to holla, talk, chat or ‘get to know us.’ In these situations, we as women typically ignore them. However, television and media show us that often times these instances can become physical, violent and/or perilous. Unfortunately, these circumstances and hyper-masculine attitudes extend way beyond the digital world and as much as I hate to say this, most women feel very conflicted in these type of situations. While these men are aggressively shooting their shots, a plethora of thoughts flow through a young woman’s mind such as… “Oh God, how do I get out of this?” “Why me? I’m just trying to get home?” “How do I let this man down gently?” “Whew Chile I hope he’s not a crazy one?” “In case he is one, I really hope someone is witnessing all this bullsh*t” “Actually…why isn’t anyone saying anything to this fool?”

I will never forget the first time I was catcalled. Imagine a young fifteen-year-old, who had barely finished going through pu-

berty, walking through the streets of Washington D.C. As I roamed through the busy metro station, a group of men proceeded to holler and whistle as I walked past. At the time, I was overcome by my shyness and I simply tucked my chin into my chest and power walked past them. To this day, I still remember the knot that formed in my chest when I realized they were referring to me. I was hit with waves of anxiety, quickened heartbeats, and scattered thoughts. Many women experience these emotions in these situations and it is only exemplified at a young age. For me, ignoring them worked in my favor. However, that method is not always effective and can also act as an instigator for some men. I don’t know if these men see it as a threat to their masculinity when women ignore their ‘compliments,’ or if they simply find these situations amusing, but frequently men turn to insults when faced with rejection. “That’s why I never wanted you, you stupid b*tch”. “You were ugly anyways”

And the list goes on… Whether it is a man shooting their shot on social media or a group of men catcalling you in the street, this article is for women who have undergone that rush of anxiety. For women both young and old who ‘feel bad’ when rejecting men. Ladies, don’t be afraid to say I’m good luv, enjoy. -bY Haniyah Philogene

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But make it Whether youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in sweatpants eating pizza on the couch or living it up in lingerie, femme noire wants you to feel sexy in your own way. Photos by tyanna seton

models (left to right): Brooklyn Agbataekwe-Richmond, Desjah Altvater, Taylor Williams

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sexy

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Abigail Covingt At Large In Ch 32

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Abigail Covington was running on two hours of sleep. It was the day of the first ever CLLCTVE conference, and she had to make sure the mics were on (they weren’t), check to see if the projector was functioning (it wasn’t) -- oh, and lead a panel discussion with three media titans. Just a regular Sunday. The night before, Abigail was leading the life of an average college student on Halloween, staying out past 5 a.m. two nights in a row at parties with her friends. “Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have done that,” said Abigail, slumping into swivel chair amid the flurry of exiting attendees. She sighed deeply and pointed to her eyes. “I’m literally wearing the same makeup I had on last night. I didn’t have time to take it off and redo it, so I said, ‘screw it’ and just left it on. That’s how busy I am.” The truth is Abigail hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past few months- or really ever, since she joined CLLCTVE Agency as its marketing and digital strategy director over the summer. For a company started by two college students, clients and investors alike were flooding in, and thus an already booked Abigail Covington found herself even busier.

ton: harge

“Most people look at a commercial or an ad: the finished product, and think about it visually, which is of course what they’re supposed to think.” she said. “But I look at those things and think about what it took to concept that idea: the demographic, the audience. It’s like I’m watching them watch the product.” In addition to CLLCTVE, Abigail is a Remembrance Scholar, McNair Scholar, Senior Class Marshal, Class Act ambassador, and student representative on Syracuse University’s Council for Diversity and Inclusion. And that excludes the various clubs and organizations on campus she was involved with previously.

by Olivia Zimmerman

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No one could ever question Abigail Covington’s work ethic. And she wants it to stay that way.

it’s tough when you don’t. I was so stressed because everything was so uncertain,” she said.

“No one can out work me,” she said. “Whether it’s in class, at an internship, or anything else I’m involved with, I know for a fact I am the hardest working person in the room.”

“I didn’t know if I was going to have a dress, hell, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to walk! But then I decided that I wouldn’t let physical or monetary limitations stop me from having a good time.”

That means staying up late and waking up early, sandwiching homework between client meetings and class. Abigail is hustler, a hustler who believes four hours of sleep a night is sufficient. She promptly explained that REM cycles are four hours long, so if you sleep for six hours you will actually feel sleepier than if you had slept for four hours.

Abigail began to push herself even harder in her physical therapy because she didn’t even want to use crutches.

“Last year when I lived alone, my friend Maia would literally call her and tell me to go back to sleep,” she said. “She’s always busy with something.” But Abigail’s hustle is her savior. Because when times get tough, she knows it’s the one thing she can always control. During her junior year of high school, Abby sustained a serious knee injury that was both physically and financially crippling to her family. She completely shattered her knee, forcing her undergo surgery and aggressive physical therapy. As a scholarship student at a boarding school, she often had to endure the sessions without her family, and with limited health insurance and a brother in college, the physical therapy and surgery costs put a lot of strain on her parents.

“We all saw Mean Girls, and there was no way I was going to be out here looking like that,” she said. And for everything else, Abigail said, “it was the very definition of finesse”. She waited to the very end of the season to buy her dress on clearance, her cousin did her hair and makeup. “That was when I knew for a fact that I could take any situation handed to me and with hard work and a little creativity, I could get back in control,” she said. Function in disaster, finish in style. That is the mantra by which Abigail Covington lives her life. She first encountered the phrase at her high school, the Madeira school, but Abigail says it best encompasses what she learned from her parents.

“No one can out work me” -ABIGAIL COVINGTON

“I remember prom season was coming up, a few months after my injury, and if you go to private school in the DC metro area, you know these girls have money. And

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“My mother is fairly calculating- she thinks through every decision she makes,” she said. “But my dad is a risk taker, and risk taking always involves a little bit of disaster.”

She learned that life involves a lot of things that can go wrong, and something always goes wrong. But if you can get it together and plan when disaster strikes, you can always finish in style.

Her experiences at her all girls boarding school also shaped her. As a black girl surrounded by predominantly upper middle-class white girls, she struggled to find community. But once she found it, she knew she could never let that go. “When I built friendships with other black girls at Madeira, I truly realized how necessary it is to find people who can understand your struggles, people who can be your support system,” she said. She maintained her connections to those girls, both her age and younger, so much so that her “ring sisters”, a product of a girl’s school tradition that passes rings onto younger students when older students graduate, followed her to Syracuse. Abigail’s mentorship extends past personal relationships. This year she started the Madeira black alumnae mentorship program. The program requires black alums to

speak to their mentee at least three times a semester, helping the girls build connections to the adult world. “It’s hard being black at private school, and I know I needed that, so I created it for the girls who come after me,” she said. That is truly the reason why Abigail works as hard as she does. At every possible moment she tries to instill in young girls of color the support and motivation they need to succeed, whether that involves speaking to high schoolers, or helping out in mentoring groups. “I’m a work in progress always, and I’ve got so much more growing to do, but all I want is for black girls to look at me and think ‘she’s doing it and that means I can do it too’,” she said.

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The Female Gaze: examining women’s art through the years By Jasmin Gill

Having trouble visualizing the female gaze? It seems like simple concept that when initially heard many nod their heads suggesting their understanding. However, many cannot identify the female gaze and what it entails. The reality is, the female gaze can be identified in many art pieces created by women throughout history. The rest of this article will provide you with your own lense to be able to not just view the art that is crafted with the viewpoint of a woman, but to identify how society has strategically restricted the components of art to marginalize women. The female gaze’s reflection on art pieces is not only illustrative of an individual perspective but the role external factors play when expressing a message or alluding to a feeling in art. With my own curiosity of the female gaze and art I came across an article that proposed the following question: “What role does colonialism, capitalism, imperialism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and misogyny play in preventing an intersectional feminist impulse to flourish in cinema and narrative art?” The question brings to light societal issues that affect the essence of art pieces that are expressive of the female lense, whist each term in the question has its own dynamically complex way of effecting art expression, they all in common, in which they hinder the natural state reflection of the female gaze. The question also uses the word flourish to indicate how society limits the expression of art to truly reflect the lense of female experience. Throughout history, there is a transition from where the art that women produced initially only hinted at the female experience, whereas today there is more open expression. Lorna Simpson, Earth & Sky, 2016 The image uses a black woman and replaces her hair with gem like structures. This imagery pushes past the initial view of a black woman’s hair but turns the image into something more complex than just hair. The viewer is forced to instead of just glancing at the head section but keying into it and viewing the different intricacies. Simpson portrays an image in today’s society of the ongoing discussion of black women and hair. The female gaze is an important element to this piece as Simpson uses it to allude to the white narrative that black women have been subjected to in terms of hair beauty. Due to the narrative that society has forced upon the image of hair for black women this illustration by Simpson allows for the female gaze of black women to flourish.

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Edmonia Lewis, The Death of Cleopatra, 1876 This first piece of art, a sculpture, by Edmonia Lewis is the embodiment of the female gaze in its earliest form. The woman behind the sculpture is Edmonia Lewis, raised by her aunt in upstate New York during the age of the civil war. Lewis being mixed African and Native descent she became one of the most famous African American sculptors in the world. Through her various life experiences her artwork reflected the idea of the female gaze. Her piece, specifically The Death of Cleopatra is symbolic of a strong and powerful woman who fell ill to her own will of death. Through Lewis’s depiction of Cleopatra, she does not illustrate her death in a somber tone but positions her on a thrown like structure making her death not one that suggests defeat or weakness but upholding her strength and vigor. This is a perfect example of the female gaze, due to the fact that the sculpture alludes to her strength despite the external illustration. However, as time goes on more and more art pieces display the female gaze in more prominent aspects all while hinting at societal issues.

Faith Ringgold For the Woman’s House 1971 In this particular art piece Ringgold is illustrating women of different occupations in various fields as well as life scenes that women experience. The female gaze is explicitly illustrated because depicted here is not just a fixated, sexualized or submissive image of women, but rather an intersectional lense of the dynamics of different women. At this moment in history women were changing the dynamics of society in their household, at work, and overall in the world. This image is almost a turning point in which one can observe that “colonialism, capitalism, imperialism, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, and misogyny” have been suppressing the female gaze depiction in art. Through this image, despite the dynamics of society, it exudes the empowerment and lense of women especially in an intersectional lense.

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What it’s like to wear a wig? To have a weave in? Something on your head that’s not “yours”? Well bro, it feels kind of great, so let’s talk about it! Every day you have a new opportunity to be someone different, someone great. Every day you have a new opportunity to slay. Now, can we take a second to talk about a comment a man once told me? He said, “a girl wearing a wig or a weave must not love herself enough to show what is underneath it.” He must have thought I didn’t wear weaves or wigs because the day he saw me I was wearing my natural hair. Best believe we had a discussion about why his statement was ignorant, shallow, and irrelevant. First of all sir, this weave probably cost more than what you made this week and let’s not forget about the prices it cost to install the weave. Before you know it, a woman may have spent at least $300 on the purchasing and installation of her new bundles. Does someone spending at least $300 on her hair sound like she doesn’t love herself ? I’ll let you ponder on that question for a few minutes

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because I don’t have time to discuss that comment any further. Honestly, your hair tells a lot about you. It can tell if you’re having a good or bad day, if you’re tired, or if you just don’t care. That’s why when a girl does her hair - however she decides to do it (or not to do it) it’s for herself because she’s expressing herself. I need to get this across to all the young people reading this magazine: women do not go outside with our hair looking great or a “mess” in order to attract a potential suitor. We go outside looking the way we do because that’s how we wanted it, got it, and tamed it enough to look for the day. When a man feels like a woman is wearing her hair a certain way, they believe that it’s for attention - it’s not. It’s funny though, because with each hair style comes different attention from said men. We, the women, aren’t doing our hair for you; but, you guys are surely checking for us because the moment you see a long weave or wig swinging you start swooning.

By naomi duncan But let shorty pop on a short bob or rock her natural hair and you suddenly become blind. For most girls of color, when they wear long straight or curly hair, they get more compliments and attention from people in general and are seen as more attractive because that is what society deems as the “norm.” However, let the same girl end up being late for her 12:45PM exam and forget to slap on her wig before running out the door. All of a sudden, instead of stares of admiration, she gets stares of confusion and disgust because she looks like she doesn’t take care of herself. Moral of the story? Men are going to like and be attracted to what they like but when I hear something as ignorant as “you must not love yourself because you wear weaves,” that annoys me. Ignorance is not bliss; therefore, saying things like that is an issue because sir...the same way you stare at a girl’s weave is the same way she’s staring at your beard. Trust and believe a man with a connecting beard looks more attractive to a woman than a man with struggle pieces pulling through.

Now fellas, you don’t like being made an object because of your beard, do you? Great, because I think I can speak for all women who wear and pay for their own hair that they don’t like being judged because of their hairstyle nor like being made an object because of it. Sorry, not sorry. Ladies, I want you to know - you are beautiful, despite what that little boy told you about your hair or anything else that is physical. The point of my article is not to demean men or make them feel uncomfortable in the way they might make a woman feel when she switches up her hair; It’s to open everyone’s eyes about how each other may feel about how they are treated based on their physical appearances. Physical appearances are changeable and are meant to be changed. If you want to switch up your hairstyle every other day then go ahead - it’s your hair, it’s your business. At the end of the day, you’re still going to look great!

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Dear Mom and Dad, It’s not you, it’s me. I think we need a break from one another. I think we should take some time away from one another and see new people, experience new things, and go down our own paths. See the thing is, I need to become my own person. I need to form my own individuality without it being influenced by your own pressures and beliefs. And to be honest, I didn’t realize how much of a mirror reflection I was of you until I entered my freshman year of college. I hadn’t realized that my views on social issues, politics, religion, or even lifestyle consisted more of what you believed in rather than what I believed in. While you always encouraged me to have an open mind and to develop my own thoughts, it became inevitable that the mixture of your beliefs were inflicted onto me. I mean after living in the same household together for 18 years what else would you expect? But for me, that wasn’t acceptable. That wasn’t something that was settling well or something I would settle for. And so as it quickly dawned on me that my beliefs were just adopted beliefs of someone else and not of myself. Therefore, I know that some things have to change within our relationship. To my mom, I am still your little girl and to my dad, I am still your little princess. But that little princess is growing up and is soon about to rule her own kingdom. Just because I’m growing up doesn’t mean you don’t know who I am. I am still the same girl who performs concerts with Ma, goes canoeing with Dad, and makes bacon every Saturday morning. However, I’m also the girl who gets piercings, goes to parties at all hours of the night, but most importantly is kicking ass in college. I have and will do things you won’t agree with. I have done and will do things that will disappoint you. But I also know that my mistakes are all learning experiences and will only make me better and stronger. As much as you want to protect me, you have to let me go, somewhat. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful for your guidance and protection, but I also know that I may have to fall flat on my face, in order to understand and accept the lessons you tried to warn me about. Maybe it’s my hard headedness or spoiled side that makes me think I’m invincible to lessons of life, but let me figure that out for myself. I need to experience things for myself. I need to learn for myself. I need to learn about myself. I need to develop my character, my emotions, and myself. In the beginning I said that we should take a break from one another. That’s true, but don’t get it confused; I’m always going to need my parents. I’m always going to need you. Life is crazy and while I have a good grip on things now, I don’t completely know what I’m doing. I just need some space, and I ask that you respect that. In the grand scheme of things, I’m just trying to become the best version of myself that you and I know that I’m capable of becoming. I’m finally taking over the throne like you taught and prepared me to do.

With much love, your daughter, Jewél Jackson

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SELF CARE FO Aries (March 21- April 20): Self Care: Monopoly Game Night Why: You are a natural leader, you like to be surrounded by friends and don’t mind taking a risk, so why not host a game night. Monopoly is a great go to game for you because you can independently buy up all the hottest properties and kick some ass.

Taurus (April 21- May 21): Self Care: Binge-watching Netflix and ice cream Why: You are a very committed person. Once you are hooked onto something it becomes a constant in your life. You will enjoy binge-watching shows with your favorite pint of ice cream. Netflix always asks you if your’re still there. Throughout the busy week, you are very goal-oriented, but during your spare time, you enjoy being comforted by Netflix.

Gemini (May 22- June 21): 42 Self Care: Reading a book

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Why: You like the concept of becoming someone else for a minute. On your spare time, you like to pick up a good book and delve into the world of the fictitious characters.

Cancer (June 22- July 22): Self Care: Hiking or Rock Climbing Why: You are adventurous, yet hold on to security. You love the outdoors and like to be spontaneous so you pack a bag, forget about your responsibilities and hit the trails.

Leo (July 23- August 21): Self Care: Lavender scented bubble bath Why: You have high self-esteem and are very devoted to your “me time.” To unwind from your everyday stress, you fill up the tub and add your favorite lavender scented bubble bath, with “As I am,” by H.E.R playing in the background.

Virgo (August 22- September 23): Self Care: Yoga Why: Your brain never stops working. You’re constantly analyzing and thinking, which is why Yoga is your go-to. Align your chakras, focus on your breathing, and center your mind.

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OR YOUR SIGN Libra (September 24- October 23): Self Care: Wine tasting at Château Cheval Blanc Why: You enjoy the finer things in life. Your expensive tastes are always satisfied with a nice glass of wine. You will enjoy getting together with friends and visiting your local Vineyard for a private wine tasting.

Scorpio (October 24- November 22): Self Care: Journaling Why: You always have questions running around in your head. You like to journal, to get everything out on paper. Nothing is ever off limits, as long as you get to express your deepest emotions.

Sagittarius (November 23- December 22): Self Care: Girls Night Out: Small Concert Why: You enjoy being surrounded by the ones you love. You’re vibrant personality cannot be contained to indoor activities. Unlike the other signs, you relax with a night out on the town, letting your hair loose, enjoying good company and good music.

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Capricorn (December 23- January 20): Self Care: Nap Why: Realistically, a nap is your best relaxation technique. Your ambitiousness can get ahead of you so a nap can help you take time for yourself and time away from your overactive mind.

Aquarius (January 21- February 19): Self Care: Vision Boards/Pinterest Why: You enjoy formulating new ideas and love to create visions boards in your free time. While you aren’t an “artsy” person, you enjoy crafts and putting together beautiful things.

Pisces (February 20- March 20): Self Care: Movie Night: “Alice and Wonderland” Why: You like to escape reality, which is why “Alice and Wonderland,” is your go-to movie. You enjoy the concept of literally leaving this world and going down a rabbit hole into a different one. You like to take time in front of a good movie.

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