Nationally Recognized Couples Psychotherapist Bill Benson LMFT, LPCC
Five Couples Counseling Techniques to Ensure a Winning Season A Relationship Counselor’s step by step guide to success…
As a child, my mother taught me that successful relationships were more a result of character than content. Two of her favorite sayings were: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” and “You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.” I am still passing along this wisdom all these years later: Much of my work as a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor involves helping people establish and maintain habits of fair and equitable collaboration that creates a desired result for all involved. The Art of Conversation Whenever two people interact, negotiation becomes necessary. Step up to the counterperson at any fast-food restaurant and you will probably engage in a universally accepted back-and-forth that will get you the food you want. The same holds true in friendship: Text a buddy about getting together for a movie and ideas will flow between you until a film is determined and the meet-up specifics are decided. But this back-and-forth can be more difficult than expected. According to a recent poll of 100 mental health professionals, communication problems (65%) and an inability to resolve conflict (45%) were the most common factors leading to divorce. Ironically, couples usually come into counseling convinced that it is the content of their arguments that are creating their relationship havoc. They are unaware that the main cause of their discord is the way they are communicating. It is my job to shepherd awareness within these clients (just as my mother had with me) so that they can uncover healthier ways of relating to one another. The Mental Gym Let’s not leave my father’s influence out of this: One reason I named my private psychotherapy practice The Mental Gym was due to the psychological wisdom my athleticism instilled in me while I was growing up. My dad, first a footballer and then coach, imparted in me an understanding of sportsmanship. I now include these dynamics - communication, cooperation, and compromise - within my sessions to guide my clients toward emotional victories.