A Fertile Heart - Year 7 (S) by fertileheart.org.uk

Key Stage 3 Year 7

A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Love is creative. To have a fertile heart is to love, grow and make a positive difference.

A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Children have a natural desire to love. They have a longing to make a difference. They love growing. A Fertile Heart helps them understand that these desires are all connected. God’s first words to us were, “Be fertile!” And the whole of the Bible teaches us that we are fertile through healthy, loving relationships – with God and each other. Learning to authentically and appropriately receive and give love leads to us having fertile hearts. Using the concept ‘fertile’ helps the children see the similarity between plants growing through fertile soil, sun and water, and us growing through a caring environment, love and truth.

Key Stage 3: Year 7

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love Panda Press Publishing would like to thank the following contributors to A Fertile Heart: Kathryn Lycett, John Cook, Mary Dickenson, Maryanne Dowle, Bernadette Eakin, Christopher Hancox, Louise Kirk, Gavin McAleer and Rebecca Surman Thanks also to Dr Charlie O’Donnell, Joe Smiles, Michael H. Barton, Mary Flynn, Rev Dr Stephen Morgan and Fr Wayne Coughlin for their kind support. ISBN: 978-1-9164575-2-2 A Fertile Heart KS3 Scripture quotations taken from various authorised translations. Every effort has been made to locate copyright holders and to obtain permission to reproduce sources. For those sources where it has been difficult to trace the originator of the work, we would welcome further information. If any copyright holder would like us to make an amendment, please inform us and we will update our information during the next reprint. All images and illustrations used under licence. Design © 2021 Panda Press Publishing Limited Illustrations and Images: Shutterstock All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publisher who can be contacted at hello@fertileheart.org.uk British Library Catalogue Publication Data. A catalogue record for this publication is available from the British Library. Printed and bound in the UK and published under licence by Panda Press Publishing Ltd, 1 Newcastle Street, Stone, Staffordshire, ST15 8JU Company Number 11786188 Printed, bound and distributed in Australia by Createl Publishing, 98 Logistics Street, Keilor Park, Victoria 3042, t: 03 9336 0800, f: 03 9336 0900, www.createl.com.au Keep in touch Facebook @afertileheart Linkedin.com/company/a-fertile-heart Twitter @afertileheart visit A Fertile Heart at www.fertileheart.org.uk Version 7, September 2021

Imprimatur:

Nihil Obstat for KS2, 3 & 4: Reverend Jonathan Veasey. Bernard Longley, Archbishop of Birmingham, 30th November 2020.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

04/07/2018

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Foreword His Grace George Stack, Archbishop of Cardiff Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel “The Glory of God is humanity fully alive”. Thus wrote St. Irenaeus in the 3rd century. His words remain true to this day. They mean that God is the creator of the gift of life. In that gift, each human person receives a share in His own creative love. His revelation in life and love, as well as through creation, is pure gift. This is the ‘grace’ of which we speak, in order that “we may have life and have it to the full” (Gospel of St. John 10:10). This truth lies at the heart of the Gospel. It is what it means to be truly human. The gift of life is bestowed by God in order that we may flourish and thrive. We do this in the first place simply by living with gratitude. We do it by responding to His love in a life of joyful communion with Him. We express it by actively engaging in the good of others so that mutual ‘flourishing’ may take place. The more we give, the more we receive. The ‘Gospel of Life’ outlined above is, indeed, ‘Good News’. It is revealed in every aspect of human nature and creation itself. This is the life-giving teaching we seek to hand on to our children who are “the messages we send to tomorrow”. The Rite of Baptism reminds us that parents are the first and best teachers of their children. The Catholic school exists primarily to educate children to receive and respond to God’s love for each one of them and for all. Our schools are designed to help parents fulfil their God given task of caring for their children in the school of love. The Catholic school is not just a place for professional education – existing for improvement in learning - important though that is. It is a place of formation, a place in which ‘lessons for life’ are imparted, received and shared. The whole school community teaches and learns these lessons in a truly Catholic environment. Human relationships are obviously at the heart of life and flourishing. We are made to relate to each other, body, mind and spirit. The physical, emotional and spiritual reality of our being are part and parcel of the ‘holy trinity’ of each one of us. Thus affective sexuality education is a crucial part of human formation. A Fertile Heart is the culmination of several years work of dedicated individuals [teachers, theologians, education advisers and parents] from within the dioceses of Birmingham, Cardiff, Clifton, Arundel and Brighton and Shrewsbury. They have worked tirelessly to create a resource which puts the human person and the flourishing of our pupils at the heart of the Catholic school. It is offered as an important aid to pupils, parents, teachers, governors and clergy to remind us all that “We are God’s work of art, created in Christ Jesus to live the good life as from the beginning God had meant us to live it” (Ephesians 2:10).

Introduction If you don’t know how a car works, you’re not likely to be able to fix it. If you don’t know something about how crops grow, you’re not likely to be a great farmer. If you don’t understand a mobile phone, you’re not likely to get the most out of it. Understanding what it is to be a human person will help us know how to think and act, and so be happy and fulfilled. This booklet is part of a curriculum that goes from Reception to Y11, comprising eleven modules for every KS3 year. A Fertile Heart offers you a vision of what it is to be human, helping you to understand yourself more deeply, and therefore make better, more informed choices. An important dimension to being human is the need for love and relationship. Another is the desire to grow and make a meaningful difference. It is important to see the connection between growing and love: love helps us grow, true growth helps us love more. We can only truly grow and make a meaningful difference if we understand our meaning and purpose, which itself comes from understanding who I already am. So, we first need to understand ourselves in our given-ness - including what it is to be human - and in our uniqueness - our personhood, thinking and choices. That is quite hard to understand at first, but basically I didn’t decide to be human, or the make-up of who I start out as - so I have to understand my ‘starting point’. Then I need to understand the end to which I am called - what full human maturity is - to be as loving as God. Once I know where I’m coming from, and where I am going, I can also understand my amazing ability to cooperate in growing, in becoming that person - and in helping others to do the same! Key to gaining correct self-understanding is the ability to think correctly. If we don’t get that process right we won’t understand ourselves correctly: we’ll be fooled by pressures that tempt us to sell ourselves short. It is truth, and our ability to reason, that protect us from this. Reason and faith are friends. We are often told that they are not, but if any faith belief is irrational, it is clearly wrong. Instead, authentic faith strengthens reason and opens it up to deeper realities. Please don’t be fooled into a false choice between faith and reason - we need them both to grow. This curriculum is completely set against the polarisation of faith and reason. The modules agree with the Catholic faith, but are founded on reason - and are therefore able to be received by all pupils of all faiths and none. They reflect logically on human experience, and encourage you to gradually learn to do the same. Central to the understanding of being human is that we are called to be ‘fertile’ - to grow and make a difference. We love doing both. What is important to understand is that, at its deepest reality, all creativity, all ‘fertility’, comes, not simply from the things we do, but rather, from the communion of loving persons. This love is revealed in what we call ‘reciprocal complementarity’. Reciprocal complementarity is when, as well as the equality of each person, the God-given differences between persons shape the relationship between them in a bond of mutual love. If you think of a doubles tennis partnership - it develops from both persons developing their own ability, and deepening the understanding and team work of the partnership. All reciprocal complementarity works like this. Reciprocal complementarity is true within God himself, of the relationship of each of us with God, and our relationships with each other. Within this creativity is the fertility of procreation, but so are all dimensions of creativity and growth. This course seeks to help you understand your deeper fertility at the heart of your personhood, and your ability to cooperate with others for the good of all. This will allow you to gradually understand your emerging biological fertility within this deeper, richer understanding of the communion of persons. From this we can understand marriage and therefore, sexuality, sex and parenthood in a richer, more beautiful way. This curriculum is not dumbed down. Some of the concepts dealt with might challenge and stretch you, but the modules have been tried and tested and found to really engage and lead on young persons. Please persevere in them. And if you do, you will find the self-knowledge gained helps you in all your other subjects, too. Whatever family you come from, we are confident you will understand the examples we use to reflect on the importance of love. And with love there always comes joy, so we do ask you to enjoy these modules too, by entering into them and engaging with your teacher and class. It would also really help if parents or others at home could join in, too. Every week your teacher may give you one of the activities to go back home with for discussion. That way, we all join in the journey, and hopefully all grow and enjoy it.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Some of you will have started this course in primary school; some of you won’t: don’t worry. The first five modules of Y7 are mainly a summary of the key points of Y4-6 - as revision or to help you catch up. They start off with the three important pillars of this curriculum. Firstly, that we are made in the image of God. Secondly, that we need to think correctly in order to gradually understand what it is to be human, and what it is to be me (7a). Thirdly, that freedom cannot mean simply choosing what I want, but is about freely acting in accord with my nature, with who I am, guided by truth and love. (7b). Then we look at tolerance (7c), at what we mean by person and nature (7d), and at what we can rationally say about where we come from (7e). Module 7f is important in helping you see the transition that lies ahead of you - as your own choices gradually become the second most important factor in your life, after God’s love for you. Understanding this will steer you away from dismissing God as irrelevant, or dismissing other influences on you as no longer needed. This leads to the crucial concept of appropriate vulnerability in your relationships - learning how to gradually trust and share in a healthy way (7g). We then apply this appropriate vulnerability to your relationship with God (7h), parents and other authority figures (7i), with yourself (7j), and with friends (7k). During Y8 we will specifically look at being called to be a fertile person. Ultimately, this is not dependent on biological fertility: even if someone was unable to have children, they are what we call ‘spiritual fertility’ as much as anyone else. All fertility is primarily found in the communion of persons in love. In our experience we see that when people relate and work together in love, they are always more creative - this isn’t a coincidence! So, at the heart of growth as a fertile person, is the ability to truly be a person and relate well. Modules 8b-e reflect on the three most important dimensions of becoming a fertile person: choosing the spiritual above the physical; thinking in the right way - choosing truth above what I want to be true; and choosing love above my ego-life. The summary of 8e is crucially important for the whole curriculum. It leads us to explore God’s unique calling of you - how he is inviting you to grow and live as a fertile person (8f ). After this, we deal with some more practical issues, in the light of the deeper understanding we have gained: texting (8g), sexting (8i) and bullying (8k). Within this we also look at how appropriate fascination, respect and sensitivity for those of the other sex helps us, as we grow, to understand the complementarity of the sexes. Module 8j also introduces the importance of overcoming a desire to control, and fear, in fully maturing - things which can particularly damage relationships between the sexes. We now understand that our deepest fertility is what we have called ‘spiritual fertility’ - which is specifically connected to our personhood. Y9 is primarily about helping you to understand what we really mean by personhood, and so appreciate what true growth is. Central to this growth is learning and directing how our thinking, choosing and emotions best interact. This helps you understand adolescence more, and cooperate with your development - rather than just getting confused and frustrated by it all. As we develop, our relationships develop too. Fulfilment, ultimately, is found in self-gift (9a). This becomes clearer the more I get in touch with my deepest desires (9b). I do this through appropriately reflecting on my life experiences in the light of truth, which helps me be sensitive to the nuance of my experience (9c). A difficult part of this self-reflection is facing that not all impulses in me are good, though I am still lovable as I am (9d). All this is true of me as a person, but that includes my sexuality, too. Understanding my sexuality in the light of my personhood helps me grow patiently and healthily (9e - NB that throughout these modules sexuality refers to one’s masculinity or femininity, within which we can understand sex). What helps us is understanding the whole vision of marriage that Jesus gives us - rooting everything in self-gift, which involves commitment, communication and the desire to help others grow, and grow together (9f ). Understanding true beauty helps us grow healthily - it is the person who is beautiful, and this is communicated through the physical, but that is very different to just being about physical beauty (9g). As you maybe already know - and we still remember! - this process isn’t ever clear cut because none of us are ‘clear cut’ - but understanding it makes it more manageable and helps protect you from panic. 9h helps us through the confusion. The last three modules of Y9, on economics, help us think about what money really is, and how we should relate to it. They are more specialised and so a video lesson is offered to help the module, on the accompanying powerpoint and website. You might think it strange to spend three modules on money in a course on relationship. Yet, how we treat each other and ourselves is very much affected by our attitude to money, and whether we see it as simply an instrument to help us, or the boss of everything. Enjoy!

Glossary Person A rational being for whom relationship is central to their fulfilment and happiness. This is a richer understanding than ‘individual’, which can mean a thinking being whose fulfilment is found primarily in themselves. Fertility The capacity to cooperate in growth. We are not Creators, but we are not sterile either: we can cooperate in our own growth, the growth of the other and the relationship between us. We tend to think in terms of babies when we hear the word fertile, but you can have fertile crops or a fertile imagination or intellect, etc. Understanding fertility in this broader sense helps us understand that it is as a person that you are fertile, not primarily as a gender: every person is called to be fertile in this sense and every person can be. It is through communion with God and each other, in love, that we are most fertile. Freedom The ability to readily act in complete accord with my true nature - in harmony with who I truly am. True human freedom always seeks truth and love. The false understanding of freedom is to be able to do what I like. Tolerance Respect for the other’s true freedom. (So, if we misunderstand freedom, we will misunderstand tolerance as well.) Nature The given-ness of something, of who I am. Justice Acting in accord with the nature of things. Joy The deepest experience of being alive, growing, and being in life-giving relationship; of being and living in accord with who I truly am. Initiator The one who takes a lead in a relationship of love: not a controller or someone who dominates, but one who initiates out of love for the other. In turn, the initiator receives from the receiver & responder. Receiver & Responder The one who first receives from the initiator in a communion of love, and loves in return by accepting the love offered and responding to it. In the Bible, this receiving of love is often called obedience or submission, but in a respectful way that is in no way demeaning, and is fulfilled in the response - often an initiating in itself - being then received by the initiator, and responded to, etc. - resulting in a life-giving relationship of mutual submission and respect. Reciprocal Complementarity This is the relationship of love between initiator and receiver & responder, where both persons benefit from the other and their genuine differences enrich each other. It helps us see how right order in relationship does not mean domination, but rather can be mutually beneficial. It can be seen that the three above definitions are interconnected. This relationship is primarily between persons, but can also be between things - such as reason and emotions. Appropriate Vulnerability Relationship and intimacy require a certain vulnerability on behalf of both persons. Especially as we are growing, we can tend towards too little vulnerability or too much. Appropriate vulnerability is the ability to allow one’s relationships to grow steadily and with appropriate boundaries, that benefit both persons.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Year 7 Modules a-k

Contents: Year 7 The first five modules of Y7 are either useful revision or a catch up, on central themes: what it is to be human; freedom, truth and love; tolerance; person and nature and the rational understanding of God’s existence. Then we explore the many influences on us and how we can choose God and then ourselves to be the biggest influences. We end by looking at the important concept of ‘appropriate vulnerability’ and apply that to our relationship with: God; those in authority over me; myself; and friends. Module 7a: What does it mean to be human? To begin to think about what it means to be human, by reflecting on experience. Module 7b: Freedom, Truth and Love To understand how happiness, beauty, freedom, truth and love are linked. Module 7c: Tolerance To know that tolerance means respecting the true freedom of others, and is rooted in the dignity of every person. To understand that, like freedom, tolerance cannot be separated from truth and love. Module 7d: Person and Nature To understand myself and others more, by seeing that we have a shared human nature, a unique personhood, with my distinctive strengths, weaknesses and characteristics - which grows and develops if I allow myself to. Module 7e: I didn’t make me - so who did? To think rationally about why I exist and where I come from. Module 7f: Nature or Nurture? To think through what are the most important influences on my life. To understand that, as I grow into being fully human, the answer must be God and then myself. Module 7g: Appropriate Vulnerability To reflect on the importance of relationship and communication, and to understand the importance of appropriate vulnerability. Module 7h: Vulnerability and God To apply what we have learnt about appropriate vulnerability and trust to our relationship with God. Module 7i: Parents and Authority To apply appropriate vulnerability to our relationships with parents, carers and those who have authority over us. To understand how we are called to grow from an adult-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship: from initiator and receiver to initiator and receiver-responder. Module 7j: My relationship with me! To understand that to have appropriately trusting relationships with others you must begin by knowing, understanding, appropriately trusting and loving yourself. Module 7k: Friendship To understand why all persons are worthy of the greatest respect, and why friendship brings us the greatest joy. To see that genuine friendship is based on equality and appropriate vulnerability.

What does it mean to be human?

Learning Objective To begin to think about what it means to be human, by reflecting on experience. Step 1 Kant’s two important starting points for understanding ourselves are: a) the wonder of creation b) the inner truth we all have within us that we should care for each other and act in a way that always respects others. Activity 1: With a partner, come up with three things in the world that fill you with awe and wonder. Then think of three things about humans that inspire awe and wonder.

Immanuel Kant.

Show Seven Wonders of the World powerpoint. There are a lot of beautiful and amazing things out there, but you only know about it because of beautiful amazing things about you: your senses. Without these we would know nothing! As a baby grows they come to slowly understand there is me and there is ‘not me’! It takes us a lifetime to fully understand both ‘me’ and all that is ‘not me’ - but one of the first steps we take is to realise that there is me and not me, and seek to relate to that which isn’t me. Activity 2: Describe three things you can do now that you couldn’t do when you were 4. What do you understand about yourself that you didn’t at 4?

“Two things fill the mind with everincreasing wonder and awe, the more often and the more intensely the mind of thought is drawn to them: the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me.” Immanuel Kant, German philosopher.

What does this famous quote from the philosopher Immanuel Kant mean?

Could you tie your shoelaces when you were 4? 10

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Step 2 Near the very beginning of your journey of life, even without consciously thinking about it, you understood that there is you and a whole ‘world’ that is ‘not you’, and from that you begin to relate to it. We sense the awesome beauty of that world because of our amazing capacity to sense the world, to reflect on what we sense, and then to relate to what we sense. Gradually, we understand that within that world that is ‘not me’ there are others who are similar to me, whom I can relate to as persons. Kant spoke of a deep inner voice that directed him to understand that these humans were his equals, and that he should always act as if every other person had a unique value, and should never be used as simply a means to an end. That is absolutely central to love. Bit by bit I have to learn what is good for others, what helps them to grow and what part I have to play in that. The foundation of all this is the recognition that every other person is ‘another self’. Activity 3: Think about what responsibilities you already have. a) Towards yourself. b) Towards others

Suggested Activities 1. If you were talking to someone about this module what would be the 4 main points you would share? Write them down. 2. Instead of the 7 wonders of the world who would you say were 7 great people of the world and why? 3. We know some things are morally right and some are morally wrong. How do we know this? Where does this ‘knowing’ come from? List some right and wrong things that you know. 4. Make a tee shirt design around the concept of knowing deep down that I must respect others. 5. Our ability to wonder about ‘the starry heavens above me and the moral law within me’ is what makes us human. Write 3 paragraphs in favour of this statement and 3 against. Write a paragraph explaining what conclusions you have come to and why.

Why do we feel sadness and anger when we see an image such as this?

Summary

Responsibilities towards others. Step 3 If you see television images of people suffering how do you feel? But why? You will never meet them. Kant said we have a connection to them through our shared humanity.

Our senses are amazing; even more so is our ability to reflect on what we sense and our ability to choose to relate back to what we sense. This means that reality is relational almost everything I do is within the relationship between ‘me’ and ‘not me’. This is especially true when it comes to other humans: we have a deep sense of mutual care - one for another - a moral law to follow so that all can be as happy as possible. Isn’t it amazing to be a human person!?

Freedom, Truth and Love

Learning Objective Building on last lesson, to understand how happiness, beauty, freedom, truth and love are linked.

Key Point With the help of Immanuel Kant we thought about the deep call within us to respond to and respect others. How does this inner moral law, founded on the desire for others to be happy, co-exist with the human desire for freedom and happiness for myself?

“This is what I am learning, at 82 years old: the main thing is to be in love and search for truth.” Maya Angelou, Civil rights activist, writer and poet.

“The more you are motivated by love the more fearless and free your action will be.” The Dalai Lama, Buddhist monk and leader in Tibet.

What truths have each of these famous thinkers discovered for themselves? Share or scoff? Step 1 Last time we reflected on how so much of life is awesome, as is our ability to sense it, reflect on that and respond. These truths mean that at the heart of life is relationship. Growth in relationship must include a better understanding of myself and all that is not me. Humans seem to have two very deep desires: ‘I want to be happy’ and ‘I want others to be happy.’ Activity 1: Imagine it’s your birthday and I buy you a tin of sweets. What might you do with those sweets? Have a class vote and discussion: Share or scoff? What would you do and why? On the whole, the happier we are, the more we are likely to share, and in so doing, we share the happiness. The grumpier I am, the more likely I am to be selfish and not share the sweets. This will make others grumpier, too. Activity 2: Think about a time when you had to give way to someone else, even though you didn’t want to e.g. a younger brother or sister. How did you feel? Think about a time when you freely chose to put someone else’s needs before your own. How did you feel?

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Only right in the short term.

Step 2

Suggested Activities

Happiness can feel like it is connected with the freedom to do what I like: to watch my programme, to listen to my music, to have the last cake. So, it might sometimes seem that my happiness isn’t connected with your happiness. It feels like it’s either my happiness or yours. This is where our ability to use reason becomes helpful. There is often a tension within us between what our reason tells us and what our emotions say. Our emotional feelings tell us that choosing what we want will make us happy now and not doing so will make us sad now. This feeling of sadness is partly true. But when I act lovingly, I become closer to others, I grow, I feel good about loving and I often see the other person happy as a result. So, my feelings are right in the short term, but it is my reasoning that is right in the long-term. Activity 3: Draw the happiness graph. Write a paragraph to explain what it means. Step 3 Our senses are amazing, but it is our ability to think and choose that makes us truly different from the rest of the animal kingdom. It isn’t just thinking and choosing that make us happy, it is thinking correctly and choosing correctly. Deep down, that moral voice tells us to love each other as ‘another self’. Your mind is free when it genuinely seeks truth and your will is truly free when it genuinely seeks to love. We are mistaken if we think our reason is free when we can decide what is true. We are mistaken when we think our will is free when we can choose to do what we want. In reality it is truth and love I long for. What I truly want. What I’ve been made for.

1. Outline, in writing, 4 main points from today’s module. 2. Choose 3 famous people, living or dead, whom you think are an example of truth, love and respect for others. Write a paragraph about each. 3. Describe 2 experiences of your own that confirm what the ‘Happiness graph’ shows. 4. Can you think of a song/film clip that makes a similar point to one in this lesson? Respecting others? Feeling happy about others happiness? 5. What do you think is meant by the phrase, ‘Deep down, that moral voice tells us to love each other as ‘another self’?

Activity 4: Class debate: “true freedom and happiness means wanting what is truly best for other people.”

The Happiness Graph ing

Happiness

Bei

Time

True freedom and happiness. Sel

fish

Summary An important part of growing up is realising that love and relationship make us happy. In order to achieve this I have to understand me and you. Therefore I need to seek truth, and to want what is best for you. This means that my free will needs to choose to love. This is true freedom.

Tolerance

Learning Objectives To know that tolerance means respecting the true freedom of others. To understand how tolerance is rooted in the dignity of every person. To understand that, like freedom, tolerance cannot be separated from truth and love. Step 1 Tolerance and freedom are linked, because tolerance is respecting the other’s freedom. If freedom means I can do whatever I like, then tolerance must allow everyone to do whatever they like. But this isn’t what freedom is! We know that sometimes people do things that are harmful to others, and should be prevented, and sometimes do harmful things to themselves, which it may be right to challenge, out of love. True tolerance should lead to an acceptance of all given differences. It will often lead us to sensitively help others who may act in ways that are self-harming. Laws should protect people from others’ misuse of their freedom.

“Tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs. It’s about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” Timothy Keller, American pastor

Activity 1: ‘It’s my life. I can do whatever I choose.’ Explain why this statement is false. Society can only function if we are tolerant of each other. We all know that, when we experience prejudice and discrimination. It is very destructive, and makes it hard for us to truly grow. Each human person is unique, and so, has a human dignity that cannot be earned or lost. It is who we are. Activity 2: Consider a time when you faced something unknown and it made you anxious. Discuss in groups of 3 or 4. Why were you anxious? Step 2 When we first meet people who are different to ourselves, we can experience fear or confusion. That can quickly lead to a negative reaction. The fear is rational; the negative reaction is not. If we are able to safely find out more about the person we usually discover we have far more in common with them than we thought - being human makes us very similar to each other; and secondly, that the differences are interesting, and that by sharing them we help each other grow and create a bond between us. This is tolerance in action. The more selfish or insecure I am, the more you being different to me annoys me. The more loving and secure I am, the more I can delight in our differences and grow from them. From this we know not to treat anyone badly because of their colour, gender, nationality, religious heritage, family make-up, appearance or anything else. Activity 3: Give some reasons why we can form prejudices or be intolerant towards other people. Mind map ideas on whiteboard. False Tolerance: Our culture often can tell us that tolerance is allowing everyone to do as they like. Our reason says this can’t always be so; one person’s freedom to act as they wish might damage another person’s freedom in some way. If my next door neighbour freely chooses to play loud music until 3am every morning that affects my freedom.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Do you remeber a time when you felt anxious?

“Live your life as though your every act were to become a universal law.” Immanuel Kant.

In the main, society, schools and homes all have rules that should forbid a misuse of freedom that hurts others. Activity 4: Can you think of a few rules that do this? What about in your school? For road users? Parents’ rules?

Is real law the moral law within us? What about my night’s sleep? Step 3 Laws in themselves do not make actions right or wrong. If our country made it legal to kill some people, that would not make it acceptable: that would be an unjust law because it is still wrong to kill. Tolerance, freedom and laws are all interconnected. Step 4 What about actions that are done for a reason but that hurt the person? What if your friend started over-worrying about how they looked, and stopped eating properly because of that? Sensitively bringing up the subject with them might seem to cause them pain, which isn’t what you wanted for them. However, though your words, said in love, might get them in touch with their pain, they aren’t causing it. As a rule, hate - including self-hate - causes suffering; love brings healing, though often this includes helping the person to face their suffering. This is true of how God treats us, too. Activity 5: What might a good friend do in the above situation? Discuss in pairs. Share your ideas in class.

Summary We should always tolerate others, even if we disagree with them. If others use their freedom to harm others, then a just society should want to stop that. If my friend uses their freedom to hurt themselves, I should want to help them to make better choices.

Suggested Activities 1. Prepare a text of 80-100 words to your friend, who was absent, explaining what today’s lesson was about. 2. If you were Prime Minister for a day describe 2 new laws you would make concerning freedom and tolerance, and say why. 3. The moral law within us that tells us how to treat other people is real. Write 2 paragraphs explaining this in your own words. 4. Watch YouTube clip on false tolerance- https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=xfO1veFs6Ho What is your reaction to this? Can you see why this is false tolerance? 5. Draw a cartoon of how intolerance between people could take place in school. 6. “My freedom is more important than other people’s freedom.” Write 4 paragraphs explaining why this statement would cause problems in your life. Take into account what you have read and discussed today.

Person and Nature

Learning Objective To understand that we have a human nature we all share, and that there is also me as a person, with my unique strengths, weaknesses and characteristics, which grows and develops if I allow myself to. Step 1 As humans, our intellect starts as a blank sheet - we enter the world knowing nothing. But our being is certainly not a blank sheet - so much of me is given. All humans have what is called human nature - including our physical and biological make-up, our basic needs and impulses, our longing for love, meaning and purpose. Then there is personhood - which includes my self-awareness and my ability to think and act, and who I slowly become.

“We may have different religions, different languages, different coloured skin, but we all belong to one human race.” Kofi Annan, former Secretary General of the UN.

Activity 1: Make a list of 5 or 6 things about you that you had no say or decision in, e.g. the colour of your eyes. You can choose to cooperate or not with many of the things that have already been decided for you. For example, knowing how your body grows leads you to co-operate by eating healthily, taking exercise, brushing your teeth. Sometimes we wish things weren’t as they are; maybe you eat too many sweets, or don’t clean your teeth, or watch too much television. But although you can choose not to co-operate, this doesn’t change the reality that too many sweets and not brushing your teeth are not good for you or your body. Activity 2: We have to think rationally about the ‘impact’ of our choices. If we choose not to co-operate with our needs how would that impact on us? For example needing water; needing exercise; needing friendship. Work in pairs. Step 2 We have a nature that we share with all humans. But there is also a given-ness to each of us - tendencies and traits that make up part of our personality.

Human nature includes our physical and biological make-up.

Activity 3: Think about what you were like when you were little. Do you remember any stories? Did your mum/dad/grandparents ever tell you what you were like then? Perhaps some people would like to share with the class. In reflecting on these stories, you often find that something of your character has always been there: maybe you’ve always loved books, always been a bit shy, or you’ve always loved to explore things, or to sing. Looking back we see so many of the personality traits that we have, we had from the start. Activity 4: Watch YouTube clip Andrew Johnson on Britain’s got Talent https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BA2bC1WkAQU. Discuss how this shows someone nurturing a given talent even though he faced obstacles. In small groups, for each person in turn, let every other person in the group name one of that person’s talents.

It’s good to be you! 16

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Key Point True freedom is found in cooperating with who I truly am, instead of fighting against my true self.

Step 3

“Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is.” Albert Camus, Writer.

Accept who you are and your ‘nature’. This doesn’t mean giving up easily, but it does mean being honest with yourself. Understanding your human nature also helps you understand what we have in common, and that we have differences too. Confidence is very important. If you are always comparing yourself to others you will spend all your time trying to be like everyone else. It’s good to be you. However, there are two types of self-confidence: confidence in being me and confidence in my abilities. Confidence in being me can only really come from being loved, and knowing and trusting that I am loved and, therefore, lovable. We all struggle with this sometimes, and when we do we can either retreat into ourselves or try and make up for it through our confidence in our abilities. The more confident you are of being loved and lovable, the more you will give things a go and your talents will grow. The more someone relies, instead, on their confidence in their abilities, the more they will tend to need to tell you of their ability. Activity 5: Can you think of some strengths and weaknesses you may have? Step 4 Because you didn’t make yourself, there is a given-ness to you that you should understand and accept. The more you do understand and accept your true self, the more what you think and do actually develops you spiritually and physically - as a person. Animals can’t do that - they can only follow their instincts. Only persons can co-operate in who they truly are. How amazing! Teenage years are a time when we might start thinking that we don’t need co-operation. Some teenagers may start wanting control and start resenting that they can’t decide everything about themselves. Arguing with parents or changing their own appearance can be examples of not co-operating with their nature and personhood. It is one thing to want to discover who I am, another to fight against who I am.

Summary We need to know our human nature and try to accept the characteristics that shape our personalities. We should understand that our characteristics and talents are great gifts, to us and each other. However, an even greater gift is God creating us as persons. Understanding all this helps us to cooperate in our growing in the best way.

Some teenagers may start wanting control.

Suggested Activities 1. Watch video clip of the ‘Prodigal Son.’ (many on YouTube) How does his non-cooperation with, and then return to, the father illustrate what we have discussed today? 2. Outline 5 main points of today’s session. 3. Write a job application to an employer describing your character, talents, strengths and weaknesses. Or write a poem about them. 4. “I have a responsibility to grow into the best version of myself.” Give 3 reasons why this statement is true. 5. “Human beings are more than animals. Animals can only follow their instincts.” Do you agree? Write 5 paragraphs considering different views.

I didn’t make me - so who did?

Learning Objective To think rationally about why I exist and where I come from.

Step 1

“The more I study science, the more I believe in God.” Albert Einstein, Theoretical physicist.

Do you remember a lesson in primary school where your teacher tried to convince you that a famous painting was created accidentally? (Module 6d). Activity 1: Think of a list of things that seem to have happened at random or by accident. Now compare these with a list of things that have clearly been designed or created deliberately with some purpose in mind. Hopefully, the difference is that the things in the second list show order and beauty which suggests some sort of intelligence at work and an idea of a purpose or final aim. In other words, the CAUSE of things we see comes from outside of those things. They didn’t create or cause themselves. Take you for example. Who or what caused you? You can understand that you are not the cause of your existence. We might be able to go back thousands of years to our first parents, or millions of years to the first life-forms, or billions of years to a Big Bang, but this doesn’t solve the question. This only helps us understand how I came to be, not why. There has to be a ‘why?’ We still have to ask what created the Big Bang, which caused time, space, matter and energy in such a way that the Universe, including all the beauty and complexity on earth, could unravel from it. Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs-yWMuBNr4&feature=emb_logo Stephen Hawking’s video on the Big Bang (5:40). Science can only take us back to previous steps, but cannot say anything about who or what started it all. This tells us that there must have been something that ALWAYS existed in order to cause everything else. And not just any ‘something’: this “something” has to have intellect and free will and so must also be a person. Only a person could create persons like you and I!

The Mona Lisa.

Step 2 Scientists have now analysed the Mona Lisa and know everything that is scientifically possible to know about it: chemicals, reactions, colours, everything. Does this mean that we no longer need to believe that it was painted by someone: by Leonardo da Vinci? No - obviously not. Yet, there are many people who will say that because we understand the universe so well, there is no longer any reason to accept the need for a supremely intelligent Creator: God. Activity 2: Think of as many things as you can that have no cause. (Clue: This won’t take you long!) It is hard to imagine a being who has always existed and who is not ‘in’ time and who causes everything. However, just because that feels strange, it has no bearing on whether it is true or not. Quantum Mechanics, a branch of modern physics, tells us ridiculously strange things about the particles that make up everything, yet this ‘strangeness’ doesn’t decide whether it is true of not. Feelings are not good guides. They do not help us find truth; feelings only help us know how we are reacting.

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It is hard to imagine a being who has always existed.

Activity 3: In pairs think of some situations where you can’t see the person or thing that is causing something but you still believe they exist. Shop doors opening as you approach. Sitting in a moving train. A cake baking. Why believe? Step 3 Most of us don’t look at the existence of God in this rational way. Instead we base it on an emotional decision and confusion. For instance we can decide that there can’t be a God, because he wouldn’t allow evil. That is a very real feeling, leading to important questions which need to be taken seriously, but it is not a logical argument. Picasso was an artist from the last century. His paintings can be difficult to understand. He would often paint humans as abstract and not true to physical form: Let’s say “I don’t understand that – it doesn’t fit with what I know”. That would be an understandable reaction. But what if I said “Picasso doesn’t exist because I don’t understand this painting”? That would be illogical, because I can see his paintings with my own eyes. Similarly, not understanding why God created the universe as it is (e.g. allowing earthquakes and innocent suffering) doesn’t say anything about his existence. But emotionally, it often leads people to reject the truth that he exists. Activity 4: Think of some other reasons why people do not believe in God. Would you say these are logical reasons or emotions?

Difficult to understand?

“When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Sherlock Holmes , Fictional detective created by Arthur Conan Doyle.

Step 4 As we grow up, we search for meaning. Sometimes we cannot understand what relevance God’s existence has to my life: wherever I came from, I’ve got to deal with living today! If I really want to know the answer to the question “Is God relevant to me?” then I have to separate it from the question “is there a God?” Then build on that answer.

Summary Maybe for this, more than for any other question, we can be tempted to confuse reason and feelings. If we stick to the question and to reason, there is only one inescapable conclusion - that, hard though it is to imagine, there is a God who made me, and the Universe. And I didn’t need any faith to reach that conclusion.

Suggested Activities 1. Look at pictures or a YouTube clip of the earth from space. What do you think and feel when you see this? 2. Create your own mind map that will help you understand the main points of this lesson. 3. Think of something in the world that you see around you, (a tree, a river, a sunset) and try to go back step by step to how it came to be. How far do you get? You might want to draw a picture or diagram. 4. “We are God’s work of art.” (Eph. 2:10) Comment on this quote from the Bible. 5. ‘Feelings and emotions are not the best guides when deciding if something is true or not.’ Do you agree with this statement? Write down your arguments for and against.

Nature or Nurture?

Learning Objective To think through what are the most important influences on my life. To understand that, as I grow into being fully human, the answer must be God and then myself. Step 1

“…For God grants his creatures not only their existence, but also the dignity of acting on their own… ” CCC, n. 306

People are often interested in the influences that have shaped who we are. Some people emphasise our genetic make-up and DNA - our human nature. Others emphasise our upbringing - your family situation, the area you grow up in, or influential life-changing moments when you were younger. This question of what shapes us most is often expressed as: nature or nurture? Watch: https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_PQ8qYtUL0 Introduction to Genetics (2:57). Activity 1: Discuss with person beside you the idea of ‘nature’ and ‘nurture’. Give examples, such as what you are like because of your nature, and what you are like because of how you’ve been nurtured. This might be a simple thing like saying please and thank you; because of what your family has taught you (nurture) or because you are a naturally polite person (nature). ‘Nature or nurture’ isn’t the whole story. Let’s think this through: what influences are there on your life? (The list should include God, your genes and nature, parents, family, all relationships, all the events in your life including lots of accidental happenings, your choices.) Activity 2: Make a list of some of the things and people who have influenced you the most since you can remember. Number them in importance... Compare your findings with a learning partner... Now make a list of some things that are important to you. Is there any connection between the two lists? Has what you think is important been affected by influential people in your life? Step 2 Let’s think about a plant. What influences are there on a plant’s life? ( These will be mainly nature and nurture.) What is the biggest difference between what can influence a plant and what can influence you? Clue: can a plant make choices? We have seen how it is important to understand that there is a given-ness to who we are, but it is also important to remember that we have a very special ability to cooperate in who we become. If we only focus on the fixed part, then we see ourselves as puppets. If we only focus on the ability to form ourselves we end up thinking we can be who or whatever we like. If I understand both dimensions, I have taken an important step in understanding myself and all reality.

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What influences are there on a plant’s life?

Step 3 God continues to create you and guide you whether you believe it or not; but understanding that he is helps you to cooperate with him, in love. How does a driver get to their destination? Through SatNav or by their steering? Of course it is both. There is a given-ness about SatNav but you still have to cooperate with it. God is trying to guide you home and he knows the way but you have to cooperate with him. If you try and do it all by yourself you might just keep hearing, ‘Recalculating! Recalculating! Take the next exit left.’ Step 4 The clearest sign of maturity is taking appropriate responsibility for yourself. When you are younger, other people rightly do, but slowly, you take more responsibility for yourself and your actions. In doing so, you gradually become the second most important influence on yourself. God is the first. God is always your initiator. Because the initiative comes from him. (He loves us first.) We love in return by first accepting the love offered and then responding to it. All the other factors are like cards - some people seem to have been dealt a better hand than others in life - but what really shapes who you are is how you play them, and that is down to you. Other people and events make it easier or harder, but ultimately they can have no lasting say in who you are unless you let them. Only God and then you can truly affect yourself at your core.

Summary So, if we put all this together, the nature/nurture debate can easily be misleading. The four most important factors in who I am are: God’s creating of me, his sustaining me, his guiding me and my co-operating with all this. I can play my part in my ongoing creation during my life but only if I cooperate with God. In the language we have used before, and will again, in my life God is the initiator and I am the receiverresponder.

Do you know where you are going?

Suggested Activities 1. Write a short description of you and your life, and then try to put the main events, people and characteristics you have included under 1 of 2 headings: nature or nuture. 2. “If we only focus on our given-ness, then we see ourselves as puppets. If we only focus on the ability to form ourselves we end up thinking we can be whatever we like. If we focus on both we see ourselves as active receiver-responders.” Discuss or do a role play in class to show how each of these 3 types of person might react in certain everyday situations. E.g. Going into a class very late for a lesson. Your mum/carer asking you to do something when you want to do something else. 3. “The clearest sign of maturity is taking appropriate responsibility for yourself.” Try to write down what is meant by this statement. And why you agree/disagree.

Appropriate Vulnerability

Learning Objectives To reflect on the importance of relationship and communication. To understand the importance of appropriate vulnerability.

Key Words Intimacy, communication, appropriate vulnerability.

“Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life: without it, it dies.” Tony Gaskins Motivational speaker, author and life coach.

Step 1 In growing as a person, vulnerability means going out from our own space/area of comfort and sharing of ourselves. This opens up the possibility of rejection; of someone saying no, but also to the possibility of growth, new friendships and communication. We must learn to go along this delicate path with the right ratio of speed/patience/trust/caution so that appropriate vulnerability leading to growth happens and inappropriate vulnerability leading to hurt does not. When a tortoise comes out of its shell it is making itself vulnerable to attack..... ....but also allowing the new possibilities of meeting other tortoises. Activity 1: You are given a choice of how to spend next Saturday afternoon: you can either go to a Disney theme park with two people you dislike or you can spend the afternoon having an orange juice with someone you do like. Which one are you going to choose and why? The first is about doing something you enjoy; the second is more about being with someone you enjoy. As we mature we look to find more happiness in people rather than things. However, we can fall into the temptation of using people as things. We can very easily use people, or we can truly love them. In Y5 (module 5g) you learnt about the Italian for ‘I love you’ to a friend - ‘ti voglio bene’ - literally, ‘I want what’s best for you’. This is an important part of friendship. If I truly want what is best for you, then I will want to treat you as a person; if I want what I want, then I will tend to use you.

“Love is always patient” 1 Cor. 13:4

As we get older, we should be more interested in getting to know the other person, not just enjoying shared interests. This involves true communication. As persons we can communicate in a completely different way to animals. Step 2 Not only can humans communicate in much more complex ways, but more importantly, we communicate self-knowledge. When I talk to you, you learn about me. This is especially true when I talk about me and my inner feelings. Humans communicate in complex ways. This can make our relationships with one another beautiful and life-giving. But it is risky: when I share myself with you in friendship, you might laugh at me, you might not be interested, you might reject me; you might tell others something very personal about me. All these are deeply hurtful. What sort of information can animals communicate to each other? 22

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Activity 2: Draw a full page graph in books. Appropriate vulnerability friendship graph. On horizontal axis write timescale: 1day, 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, 3 years. On vertical axis write levels of friendship: at bottom corner ‘strangers’, exchange names, exchange e-mails, phone numbers, Facebook friends, go to town, visit homes, on holidays. Draw 3 line progressions on graph itself. Too slow; too soon; judged safe (appropriate). Finish with whole class discussion. Step 3: Intimacy and appropriate vulnerability The human heart longs for something called “intimacy” which means sharing ourselves with each other. The more mature we become, the more we long for intimacy. However, it is impossible to have intimacy without vulnerability. We need to learn appropriate vulnerability. Without it, we are more likely to get hurt. This is even more likely in boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that you might start entering into later. But it is true of anyone seeking mature friendship. We have our intellect, we have our emotions and we have our ability to trust. Appropriate vulnerability comes from understanding how these should relate. Emotions are important in helping me understand what is going on inside me, but they are not good guides. They focus on the now, and friendship is longterm. Friendship based on emotions will result in living in a soap opera - all drama and no growth. You might like watching soaps - but would you like to live in Albert Square? Healthy relationships are built on reason and trust. When you begin to get to know someone you can see that you could be good friends, from what you know. So, it is sensible to trust them a little bit, and make an effort to get to know them a bit better. We should not trust strangers who try to get to know us in inappropriate ways. If you are uncomfortable with what someone is saying to you, please ask for help - from a person or organisation you can trust. But with potential friends, if we share a little of ourselves and trust the other person, and the other responds appropriately, then that step can be built on. You can get very hurt if you share a lot with someone and they react badly. However, you cannot properly grow if you don’t share at all. So, we have to find the right balance: it can be a long learning curve!

Humans can communicate in complex ways. Red = Strangers Orange = Community Helpers Yellow = Acquaintance Green = Friendship Blue = Family

Purple = Me

Suggested Activities 1. Design a flow chart for the 5 main arguments of this lesson.

Activity 3: Look at the relationship circles (right). Think of some things you would share about yourself to someone on the inner circle that you would not share with someone you hardly know on the outer circles. Explain.

2. Inappropriate steps to friendship might be someone you don’t know well asking for your phone number. Can you think of some others?

Summary

3. “Healthy relationships are built on reason and trust.” Explain this statement in your own words.

We are persons, who relate through communication. When we communicate, we offer knowledge, being and love to the other. Such shared relationships are very life-giving. At the heart of this is appropriate vulnerability - appropriate trust. Understanding this will help develop healthy relationships.

4. Are there any points in this lesson that you strongly agree/disagree with? Explain why.

Vulnerability and God

Learning Objective To apply what we have learnt about appropriate vulnerability and trust to our relationship with God. Step 1 Activity 1: Sometimes on a class retreat day or during an army training session people begin by taking part in a ‘trust exercise’ to show the importance of trust, (and the vulnerability that accompanies trust), in our lives and relationships.

“I call you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have learnt from my Father. ” Jn. 15:15

• Falling back into the arms of your partner, making yourself vulnerable, but trusting that you won’t be allowed to fall. • Tackling an obstacle course blindfold, trusting in your partner’s instructions. You might have a go at a simple trust exercise under your teacher’s supervision. Can you think of other instances when we are called to trust and how this makes us vulnerable? Following on from module 7e- ‘I didn’t make me - so who did’ - we can reach the understanding, through reason, not emotion, that the two most important influences on me as I mature, are God and myself in that order (module 7f ). God is the one who creates, sustains and guides me, and my relationship with him affects all my other relationships. If God is my loving Father and yours, then I am going to treat you as a sister or brother.

Make a list of words that you associate with Trust and Vulnerability.

Activity 2: Make a list of words that you associate with the two keys words in today’s lesson; Trust and Vulnerability. Define both words in one sentence each.

Key Point If we build on reason, we see that our most important relationship is with God, and that it is logical to completely trust him.Trust and honest questioning go hand in hand. But we have to continue to learn about him, so that our questioning is fruitful, and our trust can grow. Step 2 Appropriate vulnerability is built on using our intellect to make a judgement about who should be trusted and how. Let’s start by applying that to God! In previous lessons we learned through logic that there is a God, who is a person. If God has made us for relationship, then it is reasonable to think that this might include relationship with him. It is logical to trust God totally, because, the fact that I exist, can think, choose and feel, all depends on him anyway; so if he is untrustworthy, I couldn’t trust my own thoughts, ability to choose or my experiences, either. On a more positive side, the more I sense God’s goodness, the easier it is to trust in him. When I walk in the mountains, or along the shore or through a forest, I can feel close to God and his goodness - and so I can find it easier to trust, which leads to a sense of joy. (The joy comes from knowing God, that he is there and I am not on my own.) Watch https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=4Bx7exmRqtY&feature=emb_logo Be Still And Know That I Am God: Nature and Earth’s Beauty (3:05). 24

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Can you think of examples of when you felt close to God?

Activity 3: Make a list of people you trust. Give reasons why you trust them. What risks do you take when you decide to trust someone? Share with class without mentioning names. We should be able to trust anyone in the trust exercise which began the lesson. But we find the more we know someone, and know their love for us, the easier it is to trust them. It is the same with God. We can see it is logical to trust God. We can feel trust. But our trust is stronger the more we know him. This is where revelation is so important. For us to know God, he has to reveal himself. He has done this in places, ways, writings, people. Watch https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=A9GWhSndmf0&feature=emb_logo Derek Redmond A Father’s love (4:57). Activity 4: People of faith feel called to put their trust in God. For all sorts of things, even life itself. In pairs discuss the benefits that trusting in God might bring.

Jesus says: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him, and he with me. ” Rev. 3:20

Step 3 ‘When I was a child ...I thought as a child.’ (1 Cor. 13:11) As an adult, you will be called more and more to decide what you think about life, God, yourself: to take appropriate control of who you are. The mature way to move from childhood to adulthood is appropriate vulnerability. This means genuinely continuing to be open to God’s communication: through religion, through reflecting on nature and events in your life and through prayer. It also means having the courage to question him: how do I know this is real? why did you make me? why is there suffering? A mature secondary school pupil asks those questions, genuinely seeking answers.

Suggested Activities 1. Find a picture of Holman Hunt’s ‘Light of the World’. See quote above, Rev 3:20, and reflect on the two together. How do they fit in with trust and vulnerability? How is Jesus portrayed in the garden?What is missing from the door? Why is that? 2. In which ways has God made himself vulnerable and trusting of us? 3. “Our starting point can be that we can’t trust in God because we cannot see that he exists. But we exist. And if we are merely the result of random, colliding atoms, how can we put our trust in that? It is more reasonable to believe in and trust God.” Evaluate this statement in the light of what you have learnt in this lesson about reason, God’s revelation of himself, and the beauty and order of the world around us. Write 3-4 paragraphs. 4. How could you show more trust in your relationship with God? What could you do in a practical way?

Summary Our most important relationship is with God. To grow in that relationship we need to treat God as a person. That means having real dialogue with him, so that trust can grow. This takes appropriate vulnerability. But our reason tells us it’s appropriate to trust God completely. This allows us to learn more and more about him, and understand more through patient questioning.

Parents and Authority

Learning Objectives To reflect on how we can apply the previous module on relationships and appropriate vulnerability to parents, carers and those who have authority over us. To understand how we grow from an adult-child relationship to an adult-adult relationship: from initiator and receiver to initiator and receiver-responder. Activity 1: Key words: RECEIVER, RESPONDER, INITIATOR. Can you identify which words the 3 images (right) illustrate and write a sentence to explain what each might mean in a relationship? (Our answers are at the bottom of the page) Step 1

TEENAGERS TIRED OF BEING HARRASSED BY YOUR

PARENTS?

ACT NOW!! MOVE OUT, GET A JOB,

PAY YOUR OWN WAY, WHILE YOU STILL KNOW

EVERYTHING

Your parents are not perfect. The people who are bringing you up aren’t perfect. Even more shocking, your teachers aren’t perfect either. Ok, that may not have come as a complete shock to you. However, it can be unsettling when we learn that the adults in our lives have their faults too. Activity 2: List 4 different things that annoy you about your parents/guardians and teachers. (Now, can you think of 4 different things that they might find annoying about you?) As we have learnt previously, becoming a young adult is about beginning to move from being more a receiver to a receiver-responder. This takes time and practice. One of the stumbling blocks can be swapping my ‘receiver’ role for the ‘absolute initiator’ of my life role instead of developing it into a responder role. That can often look like this: ‘I want things my way!’ Not surprisingly this doesn’t lead to happiness! Step 2 A similar process to our relationship with God has to happen with parents, based on appropriate vulnerability. The difference is that our parents, unlike God, are not perfect and we have to accept this and work with it. Parents fear for their children’s safety in very many ways. Sadly, there are some people who will try to use you, and end up hurting you. It is very difficult, even as an adult, to stand up to all the different ways that might happen. For you, going to town with a couple of friends is simple; to a parent it can present lots of potential problems. Activity 3 “Mum/Dad/Nan I’m just going into town with some friends from school. I’ll be back later.” – What fears do you think this might trigger for your parents/carers?

Activity 1 images.

When growing up, ‘having to do what I’m told’ can seem demeaning, when in many situations I feel I’m old enough to decide for myself. Sometimes it can seem like you spend so much time learning how to fly, only to be told not to use your wings. But there’s all the difference in the world between flying and flying well, in the right direction. A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Answer: Top-Receiver (girl) / Middle - Initiator (Dad) / Bottom - Receiver - Responder (Graduated Student)

Step 3 The Solution: Reason, Trust, Appropriate Vulnerability a. Reason. It’s unlikely that parents and carers don’t want you to be happy. They have loved you up to now. It’s reasonable to expect that they still do. So we have to filter our emotions through our ability to reason. b. Communication. At the very time we most need to share how we feel with parents, our emotions say, ‘You don’t understand me at all!’ A way forward is to find time for chatting: what you did today, what they did today. Doing things together, even if it’s only the washing up or walking the dog, keeps things more relaxed and stops our emotions convincing us of things that aren’t true. c. Appropriate vulnerability. Be vulnerable. When there’s a good moment start a simple conversation, ‘Dad, what would you do if…’ about a situation that is troubling you a bit. The earlier you share the less chance of misunderstanding. Parents hate knowing their children are struggling; but even more, they hate not knowing what’s going on inside you - appropriately share and trust. And you don’t have to work out everything you want to say - sometimes it’s the talking together that helps us understand what we are feeling inside and why. d. Disagreement. You are not a child now who should simply say yes and do what you are told. But are you an adult able to make all your own decisions? You are moving from one to the other. So, it is appropriate to be able to calmly say why, for instance, you think you should go somewhere, but if the answer is still no, acceptance of loving authority shows maturity. Most problems and issues are hand sized! If that hand is right in front of your eyes, then it dominates everything. If we are able to calmly step back it does help to put it in context. If it fills only part of my vision and not the whole it somehow feels possible to manage it. e. Truth & Trust. Truth and trust go hand in hand. Lies and distrust do too. Lies put me first and you second, and that’s not relationship. Always have the courage to be truthful. Step 4 In all these steps, your parent, or another person in authority, or you, might make mistakes. Conversations can go wrong; one person can be too busy when they shouldn’t be; emotions can dominate; unhelpful words can be said. People make more mistakes in conversations with people they really love than with anyone else. Because they care more and so emotions run higher. If we give up, things will be sadder. Forgiveness and patience are crucial. Activity 4: Reflect on a time when there was conflict because you were refused something by an adult in authority. How did the conflict resolve itself? Would you now do or say anything differently?

Summary In moving towards being a receiver-responder to my parents, reason, appropriate vulnerability and trust are needed. This includes accepting that my parents aren’t perfect. Simple conversations and shared time are important. So are times when we share what’s going on inside. Respect, patience and truth are the foundations of all communication. It’s hard getting it right, but the rewards last forever.

“Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.” Virginia Satir, Author and therapist

Trust that they want what’s best, even if you disagree about what that is.

Suggested Activities 1. Write 5 short sentences summing up the main points of the module. 2. Watch YouTube clip: Kevin and Perry – ‘Kevin becomes a teenager’ https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY Class discussion: is there is any reality in this caricature of teenagers. Anything you recognise about Kevin or his parents? 3. “Our emotions should not overrule our ability to think with reason and logic.” Evaluate this statement and say why you agree/disagree. 4. Reflect on a time when you found it hard to talk to your parents/carers. Why do you think this was? Share with a partner.

My relationship with me!

Learning Objective To understand that to have appropriate trusting relationship with others you must begin by knowing, understanding, appropriately trusting and loving yourself. Step 1 Activity 1: Write down as many different types of relationships that involve you with others in your life: e.g. I am a son/daughter, brother/sister etc… Relationship with self isn’t exactly the same as other relationships, as there is only one person involved. However, it is intimately connected with selfperception and how we allow ourselves to relate to others. For instance, if I know I am loved I will love my self and act more securely and loveably with others. If I believe my identity is found in my looks, power, humour, ‘hardness’, etc. then I will over-obsess about, and over-project, this particular trait.

“The commandment ‘to love your neighbour as yourself’ implies that truly loving yourself will help you love your neighbour.” Unknown.

Activity 2: As a whole class, do idea blitz on board of the ‘perfect boy’ and the ‘perfect girl’. Prioritise the traits mentioned, and then, for each one ask the following: is this really part of being perfect? Is it a quality that will make the person happier, or does it create pressure on them to maybe be someone they are not? If the second, from where does this pressure come? Would wanting this trait make them more of a person or less? For instance, there are many different body shapes and sizes, with various physical attributes - does any particular one make someone more perfect? If not, are we putting pressure on others by wanting it? Is this similar to pressure from media? Step 2 Each of us is insecure! We all know what it is to be afraid, and a common temptation as we get older, and are feeling afraid, is to control things. Initially, I experience that I am at the centre of existence. I experience that everything revolves around me. The more afraid I feel, the more I will cling to that experience. But it isn’t true. I am not the centre of everything. I am not even the centre of me! Understanding that I am made by God, and am a receiverresponder to him, means that I revolve around God. This is probably the hardest thing in life to really buy into. It’s one thing to believe I’m loved by God; it’s another to therefore allow him to truly be at my centre. It is much more comfortable to simply try and keep in control of my inner world and ask him to help out when I need assistance. However, this stops me becoming my true self. Self-identity is really important ‘who am I, really?’ is a very deep question. And the answer I give to that affects every relationship I have. It is at the heart of my relationship with me! Reason and faith tell you that you are a child of God. At the heart of the Christian faith is the beautiful truth that if you were the only one who needed help, if you were the only one who needed saving, then Jesus would have died just for you. That’s a lot of love!

Key Point Being self-centred, being afraid and wanting control are three things that can stop me truly growing. Love, hope and faith heal these. They allow me to know I’m loved and to love myself. From loving myself, it’s a lot easier to grow and to love others.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Different types of relationships.

A common temptation as we get older and are feeling afraid is to control things.

Step 3

Suggested Activities

Being loved a lot is unsettling. I might try to ‘earn’ that love or panic that I’m not up to it. “If only you really knew the real me you wouldn’t love me”. Well, God is the only one who can say, ‘I know you better than you know yourself, and I think you’re worth dying for’. The love of parents, family and friends is all important - it gives us a stability that is priceless – but, sadly, we don’t all get that. What we do all get is a loving Father who loves us, completely. Trusting that I’m loved allows me to be appropriately vulnerable with myself. To admit to myself my insecurities, my faults, my smallness, but also to be able to admit my loveliness, my beauty, my talents and ability to make a difference. Allowing God to be at my centre truly allows me to be myself. This then helps me see that I am like a piece in a jigsaw alongside everyone else: my strengths can help you; your strengths can help me. Activity 3: Think of examples of when it is easier to love others when you know you are loved yourself. Work in pairs and then share your ideas with the class.

1. Draw a flow chart or diagram which outlines the 5 main points of today’s lesson. 2. ‘My relationship with me!’ How would you illustrate this title for a poster or flyer? 3. ‘My life is all about me.’ How true is this statement? Having listened to today’s lesson, put forward arguments as to why Christians believe your life is not all about you. Be ready to discuss. 4. ‘I am a piece in a jigsaw alongside everyone else.’ Evaluate this statement. Does it help you put your life in perspective? Explain.

You are like a piece in a jigsaw alongside everyone else.

Summary How I relate to others affects how I relate to myself. How I relate to myself affects very much how I relate to others. When I know that I am loved by God, this frees me to understand that my life does not revolve around me. This allows me to have a healthy and realistic self-image: I am beautiful, amazing and imperfect.

Friendship

Learning Objectives To understand why all persons are worthy of the greatest respect. To understand why friendship brings us the greatest joy. To see that genuine friendship is based on equality and appropriate vulnerability. Step 1 Who is good at eating a chocolate bar slowly? We are often tempted to ‘fill our face’ and enjoy the moment! But we actually enjoy the chocolate less, that way. Many people are vegetarians. Eating meat raises the question of whether it is fair on the animal. Animals have rights. God originally gave fruit as food for Adam and Eve (Gen. 1:29), but after Noah, he allowed us to eat meat (Gen. 9:3 - see also Mark 9:17 and Acts 10:15). He still calls us to treat animals with the respect they deserve though - so we should be concerned about how animals live and die, before we eat them - and care for our pets properly. And then there are people. Friends. We’re not going to eat them! But thinking about how we treat things and animals helps us understand how we treat others. We can like things (such as chocolate). We respect and care for nature and animals. We love persons. These build on each other, so… We like things. We like and respect and care for nature and animals. We like, respect and care for, and love persons.

“Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Step 2 If we do all this we are cooperating with God’s plan, and we help everything cooperate together. I don’t have to consider the chocolate’s feeling or views! I do have to respect animals. But I am called to treat every person as ‘another self’ - who deserves as much dignity and respect as I do. We can say that chocolate is a means to an end, but every person is an end in themselves. But do we act like this? (Activity 1.) Pope Francis tells us, “The most intense joys in life arise when we are able to draw out joy in others, as a foretaste of heaven.” Amoris Laetitia, n. 129. The difference between things, animals and persons is clarified by reflecting on ‘owning’ or ‘possessing’. We can own things. We can own animals - but not in the same way, because in some way they belong to themselves. We definitely can’t own others. We can only ever mutually belong to each other - in friendship, in family, in one humanity. Friendship grows when we don’t want to own or control the other person. That sounds easy - but it isn’t!

Friendship helps us grow.

Who has got a younger sister or brother? A baby quickly gets upset if you take away something they’ve decided is theirs! Even adults can get very possessive: about things, but even about others. Jealousy and possessiveness are damaging. (Activity 2.) Step 3 Pope Francis teaches us about how precious friendship is. It is truly fertile as it helps each person to grow. The more we see the other just as someone who should make me feel good, and want to possess them, the less fertile that relationship is: neither of us truly grows. Read adapted quote from Pope Francis, 30

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Friendship is life-giving.

Key Point

Suggested Activities

Friendship is built on appreciative love, not on possessing: when both of us can enjoy being with the other person, sharing with them and seeing them grow.

1. Quiz . Slides 11-15 on the accompanying powerpoint.

Amoris Laetitia. When we truly grow as friends “we find that our hearts expand as we step out of ourselves and embrace others.” (Fratelli tutti, n. 89) This leads to mutual growth, as “each of us can learn something from others. No one is useless and no one is expendable” (FT, n. 215).

2. Home Activity: Ask at home how often you had to learn ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ - and how often ‘mine’! Ask for examples of when you used to say ‘mine’ (or still do!).

What helps friendship grow? Watch https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=CV2Ks3RLdx0 Children tell us what friendship is (1:31). Underpinning everything good about friendship is love. St Paul helps us know what love really is. Read 1 Cor. 13:4-8. (Then Activity 3.) Step 4 Love is the antidote to possessiveness, which results from us thinking that happiness is a thing, something I can lose. Instead: “Think of the love that the Father has lavished on us by letting us be called his children.” (1 Jn. 4:5) Knowing we are completely loved stops us being grasping, impatient and possessive. We have learnt that knowing I am loved - especially by God - helps me to be appropriately vulnerable - which is important in friendship. It is good to learn to share what is going on inside you, with your closer friends. As a child, you probably talked about things: TV, games, football, music. The invitation of adolescence is to start also sharing your hopes and fears, ups and downs, with each other. Nothing massive! Just little steps. It is also important to be a trusted, faithful listener. A hope or fear listened to and respected bonds two people. A hope or fear disrespectfully gossiped to others is really damaging to the other person and your friendship. Remember, every person is holy ground. (Activity 4.) Two final points about friendship. 1) Be very careful how you talk about other people. It’s easy to bond by making fun of others. But it’s not a real bond; it diminishes everybody. Talk about others as you would like to be talked about. 2) Secondly, friendship is beautiful in its own right. It is also an important dimension of our faith: God is not just God, but our friend. We need to be able to share with him - knowing he listens and understands and cares. To finish, watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zIYOJ_hSs0o Toy Story - You’ve got a friend in me (2:10).

Summary We can like things, and should respect and care for animals, but we can only really love persons. We can only mutually belong to each other - in love, not in ownership. Love helps us see the beauty, great worth and sacredness of the other person. Knowing I am loved completely by God allows me to be appropriately vulnerable with friends. Respectfully sharing our hopes and fears, our emotions and thoughts, builds friendship and helps us to grow.

3. In pairs, discuss opportunities for loving others as friends, or for wanting your way. Decide how the qualities in 1 Cor. 13:4-8 could make us more like friends and less grasping in the following situations: a) A group of friends want to play a game in the playground; b) Your sibling is being annoying at home; c) Your friend is wanting to spend time with another person. Share one scenario with class. 4. In pairs, think through the advantages of sharing your hopes and fears with a close friend, and also what potential barriers might stop you.

Suggested Resources 1. Downloadable quiz sheet - or on powerpoint.

Friendship is built on gradually seeing the ‘great worth’, the ‘beauty’, even the ‘sacredness’ of the other person “without feeling the need to possess it.” Pope Francis, Amoris Laetitia n. 127

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A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Dear young person, If you don’t know how a car works, you’re not likely to be able to fix it. If you don’t know how crops grow, you’re not likely to be a great farmer. If you don’t understand a mobile phone, you’re not likely to get the most out of it. Understanding what it is to be a human person will help us know how to think and act, and so be happy and fulfilled. This booklet goes from Y7 to Y9, comprising eleven modules every year. It offers you a vision of what it is to be human, helping you to understand yourself more deeply, and therefore make better, more informed choices. At the heart of being a fertile person is the desire for relationship, the desire to grow, to give life and to help others to grow too. These are complementary: the better we relate, the more we grow; the more we grow, the better we relate. Y7 deals with important foundations such as knowing we are made in the image of God, being able to think correctly, understanding freedom and tolerance, and person and nature. It then helps us see that to relate well we need to learn appropriate vulnerability, and to apply this to all our relationships. In Y8 we explore the need to choose the spiritual over the physical; truth over being right; and love over my ego-life, in order to truly grow. From this we discover our own beauty and the true beauty of others. In Y9 we learn about our deeper desires for relationship and joy, and about the process of growing in understanding ourselves - as persons, and also as male or female. This helps us to move from confusion to self-understanding. In Y9 we also explore our attitude to money, because this has a big effect on our ability to relate well. Enjoy the journey of self-discovery!

RRP £9.99 ISBN 978-1-7397628-7-2

9 781739 762872

Version 7 | September 2021