A Fertile Heart - Year 8 (S) by fertileheart.org.uk

Key Stage 3 Year 8

A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Love is creative. To have a fertile heart is to love, grow and make a positive difference.

A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Children have a natural desire to love. They have a longing to make a difference. They love growing. A Fertile Heart helps them understand that these desires are all connected. God’s first words to us were, “Be fertile!” And the whole of the Bible teaches us that we are fertile through healthy, loving relationships – with God and each other. Learning to authentically and appropriately receive and give love leads to us having fertile hearts. Using the concept ‘fertile’ helps the children see the similarity between plants growing through fertile soil, sun and water, and us growing through a caring environment, love and truth.

Key Stage 3: Year 8

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love Panda Press Publishing would like to thank the following contributors to A Fertile Heart: Kathryn Lycett, John Cook, Mary Dickenson, Maryanne Dowle, Bernadette Eakin, Christopher Hancox, Louise Kirk, Gavin McAleer and Rebecca Surman Thanks also to Dr Charlie O’Donnell, Joe Smiles, Michael H. Barton, Mary Flynn, Rev Dr Stephen Morgan and Fr Wayne Coughlin for their kind support. ISBN: 978-1-9164575-2-2 A Fertile Heart KS3 Scripture quotations taken from various authorised translations. Every effort has been made to locate copyright holders and to obtain permission to reproduce sources. For those sources where it has been difficult to trace the originator of the work, we would welcome further information. If any copyright holder would like us to make an amendment, please inform us and we will update our information during the next reprint. All images and illustrations used under licence. Design © 2021 Panda Press Publishing Limited Illustrations and Images: Shutterstock All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the Publisher who can be contacted at hello@fertileheart.org.uk British Library Catalogue Publication Data. A catalogue record for this publication is available from the British Library. Printed and bound in the UK and published under licence by Panda Press Publishing Ltd, 1 Newcastle Street, Stone, Staffordshire, ST15 8JU Company Number 11786188 Printed, bound and distributed in Australia by Createl Publishing, 98 Logistics Street, Keilor Park, Victoria 3042, t: 03 9336 0800, f: 03 9336 0900, www.createl.com.au Keep in touch Facebook @afertileheart Linkedin.com/company/a-fertile-heart Twitter @afertileheart visit A Fertile Heart at www.fertileheart.org.uk Version 7, September 2021

Imprimatur:

Nihil Obstat for KS2, 3 & 4: Reverend Jonathan Veasey. Bernard Longley, Archbishop of Birmingham, 30th November 2020.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

04/07/2018

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/8e/Coat_of_arms_of_George_Stack.svg

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Foreword His Grace George Stack, Archbishop of Cardiff Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel “The Glory of God is humanity fully alive”. Thus wrote St. Irenaeus in the 3rd century. His words remain true to this day. They mean that God is the creator of the gift of life. In that gift, each human person receives a share in His own creative love. His revelation in life and love, as well as through creation, is pure gift. This is the ‘grace’ of which we speak, in order that “we may have life and have it to the full” (Gospel of St. John 10:10). This truth lies at the heart of the Gospel. It is what it means to be truly human. The gift of life is bestowed by God in order that we may flourish and thrive. We do this in the first place simply by living with gratitude. We do it by responding to His love in a life of joyful communion with Him. We express it by actively engaging in the good of others so that mutual ‘flourishing’ may take place. The more we give, the more we receive. The ‘Gospel of Life’ outlined above is, indeed, ‘Good News’. It is revealed in every aspect of human nature and creation itself. This is the life-giving teaching we seek to hand on to our children who are “the messages we send to tomorrow”. The Rite of Baptism reminds us that parents are the first and best teachers of their children. The Catholic school exists primarily to educate children to receive and respond to God’s love for each one of them and for all. Our schools are designed to help parents fulfil their God given task of caring for their children in the school of love. The Catholic school is not just a place for professional education – existing for improvement in learning - important though that is. It is a place of formation, a place in which ‘lessons for life’ are imparted, received and shared. The whole school community teaches and learns these lessons in a truly Catholic environment. Human relationships are obviously at the heart of life and flourishing. We are made to relate to each other, body, mind and spirit. The physical, emotional and spiritual reality of our being are part and parcel of the ‘holy trinity’ of each one of us. Thus affective sexuality education is a crucial part of human formation. A Fertile Heart is the culmination of several years work of dedicated individuals [teachers, theologians, education advisers and parents] from within the dioceses of Birmingham, Cardiff, Clifton, Arundel and Brighton and Shrewsbury. They have worked tirelessly to create a resource which puts the human person and the flourishing of our pupils at the heart of the Catholic school. It is offered as an important aid to pupils, parents, teachers, governors and clergy to remind us all that “We are God’s work of art, created in Christ Jesus to live the good life as from the beginning God had meant us to live it” (Ephesians 2:10).

Introduction If you don’t know how a car works, you’re not likely to be able to fix it. If you don’t know something about how crops grow, you’re not likely to be a great farmer. If you don’t understand a mobile phone, you’re not likely to get the most out of it. Understanding what it is to be a human person will help us know how to think and act, and so be happy and fulfilled. This booklet is part of a curriculum that goes from Reception to Y11, comprising eleven modules for every KS3 year. A Fertile Heart offers you a vision of what it is to be human, helping you to understand yourself more deeply, and therefore make better, more informed choices. An important dimension to being human is the need for love and relationship. Another is the desire to grow and make a meaningful difference. It is important to see the connection between growing and love: love helps us grow, true growth helps us love more. We can only truly grow and make a meaningful difference if we understand our meaning and purpose, which itself comes from understanding who I already am. So, we first need to understand ourselves in our given-ness - including what it is to be human - and in our uniqueness - our personhood, thinking and choices. That is quite hard to understand at first, but basically I didn’t decide to be human, or the make-up of who I start out as - so I have to understand my ‘starting point’. Then I need to understand the end to which I am called - what full human maturity is - to be as loving as God. Once I know where I’m coming from, and where I am going, I can also understand my amazing ability to cooperate in growing, in becoming that person - and in helping others to do the same! Key to gaining correct self-understanding is the ability to think correctly. If we don’t get that process right we won’t understand ourselves correctly: we’ll be fooled by pressures that tempt us to sell ourselves short. It is truth, and our ability to reason, that protect us from this. Reason and faith are friends. We are often told that they are not, but if any faith belief is irrational, it is clearly wrong. Instead, authentic faith strengthens reason and opens it up to deeper realities. Please don’t be fooled into a false choice between faith and reason - we need them both to grow. This curriculum is completely set against the polarisation of faith and reason. The modules agree with the Catholic faith, but are founded on reason - and are therefore able to be received by all pupils of all faiths and none. They reflect logically on human experience, and encourage you to gradually learn to do the same. Central to the understanding of being human is that we are called to be ‘fertile’ - to grow and make a difference. We love doing both. What is important to understand is that, at its deepest reality, all creativity, all ‘fertility’, comes, not simply from the things we do, but rather, from the communion of loving persons. This love is revealed in what we call ‘reciprocal complementarity’. Reciprocal complementarity is when, as well as the equality of each person, the God-given differences between persons shape the relationship between them in a bond of mutual love. If you think of a doubles tennis partnership - it develops from both persons developing their own ability, and deepening the understanding and team work of the partnership. All reciprocal complementarity works like this. Reciprocal complementarity is true within God himself, of the relationship of each of us with God, and our relationships with each other. Within this creativity is the fertility of procreation, but so are all dimensions of creativity and growth. This course seeks to help you understand your deeper fertility at the heart of your personhood, and your ability to cooperate with others for the good of all. This will allow you to gradually understand your emerging biological fertility within this deeper, richer understanding of the communion of persons. From this we can understand marriage and therefore, sexuality, sex and parenthood in a richer, more beautiful way. This curriculum is not dumbed down. Some of the concepts dealt with might challenge and stretch you, but the modules have been tried and tested and found to really engage and lead on young persons. Please persevere in them. And if you do, you will find the self-knowledge gained helps you in all your other subjects, too. Whatever family you come from, we are confident you will understand the examples we use to reflect on the importance of love. And with love there always comes joy, so we do ask you to enjoy these modules too, by entering into them and engaging with your teacher and class. It would also really help if parents or others at home could join in, too. Every week your teacher may give you one of the activities to go back home with for discussion. That way, we all join in the journey, and hopefully all grow and enjoy it.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Some of you will have started this course in primary school; some of you won’t: don’t worry. The first five modules of Y7 are mainly a summary of the key points of Y4-6 - as revision or to help you catch up. They start off with the three important pillars of this curriculum. Firstly, that we are made in the image of God. Secondly, that we need to think correctly in order to gradually understand what it is to be human, and what it is to be me (7a). Thirdly, that freedom cannot mean simply choosing what I want, but is about freely acting in accord with my nature, with who I am, guided by truth and love. (7b). Then we look at tolerance (7c), at what we mean by person and nature (7d), and at what we can rationally say about where we come from (7e). Module 7f is important in helping you see the transition that lies ahead of you - as your own choices gradually become the second most important factor in your life, after God’s love for you. Understanding this will steer you away from dismissing God as irrelevant, or dismissing other influences on you as no longer needed. This leads to the crucial concept of appropriate vulnerability in your relationships - learning how to gradually trust and share in a healthy way (7g). We then apply this appropriate vulnerability to your relationship with God (7h), parents and other authority figures (7i), with yourself (7j), and with friends (7k). During Y8 we will specifically look at being called to be a fertile person. Ultimately, this is not dependent on biological fertility: even if someone was unable to have children, they are what we call ‘spiritual fertility’ as much as anyone else. All fertility is primarily found in the communion of persons in love. In our experience we see that when people relate and work together in love, they are always more creative - this isn’t a coincidence! So, at the heart of growth as a fertile person, is the ability to truly be a person and relate well. Modules 8b-e reflect on the three most important dimensions of becoming a fertile person: choosing the spiritual above the physical; thinking in the right way - choosing truth above what I want to be true; and choosing love above my ego-life. The summary of 8e is crucially important for the whole curriculum. It leads us to explore God’s unique calling of you - how he is inviting you to grow and live as a fertile person (8f ). After this, we deal with some more practical issues, in the light of the deeper understanding we have gained: texting (8g), sexting (8i) and bullying (8k). Within this we also look at how appropriate fascination, respect and sensitivity for those of the other sex helps us, as we grow, to understand the complementarity of the sexes. Module 8j also introduces the importance of overcoming a desire to control, and fear, in fully maturing - things which can particularly damage relationships between the sexes. We now understand that our deepest fertility is what we have called ‘spiritual fertility’ - which is specifically connected to our personhood. Y9 is primarily about helping you to understand what we really mean by personhood, and so appreciate what true growth is. Central to this growth is learning and directing how our thinking, choosing and emotions best interact. This helps you understand adolescence more, and cooperate with your development - rather than just getting confused and frustrated by it all. As we develop, our relationships develop too. Fulfilment, ultimately, is found in self-gift (9a). This becomes clearer the more I get in touch with my deepest desires (9b). I do this through appropriately reflecting on my life experiences in the light of truth, which helps me be sensitive to the nuance of my experience (9c). A difficult part of this self-reflection is facing that not all impulses in me are good, though I am still lovable as I am (9d). All this is true of me as a person, but that includes my sexuality, too. Understanding my sexuality in the light of my personhood helps me grow patiently and healthily (9e - NB that throughout these modules sexuality refers to one’s masculinity or femininity, within which we can understand sex). What helps us is understanding the whole vision of marriage that Jesus gives us - rooting everything in self-gift, which involves commitment, communication and the desire to help others grow, and grow together (9f ). Understanding true beauty helps us grow healthily - it is the person who is beautiful, and this is communicated through the physical, but that is very different to just being about physical beauty (9g). As you maybe already know - and we still remember! - this process isn’t ever clear cut because none of us are ‘clear cut’ - but understanding it makes it more manageable and helps protect you from panic. 9h helps us through the confusion. The last three modules of Y9, on economics, help us think about what money really is, and how we should relate to it. They are more specialised and so a video lesson is offered to help the module, on the accompanying powerpoint and website. You might think it strange to spend three modules on money in a course on relationship. Yet, how we treat each other and ourselves is very much affected by our attitude to money, and whether we see it as simply an instrument to help us, or the boss of everything. Enjoy!

Glossary Person A rational being for whom relationship is central to their fulfilment and happiness. This is a richer understanding than ‘individual’, which can mean a thinking being whose fulfilment is found primarily in themselves. Fertility The capacity to cooperate in growth. We are not Creators, but we are not sterile either: we can cooperate in our own growth, the growth of the other and the relationship between us. We tend to think in terms of babies when we hear the word fertile, but you can have fertile crops or a fertile imagination or intellect, etc. Understanding fertility in this broader sense helps us understand that it is as a person that you are fertile, not primarily as a gender: every person is called to be fertile in this sense and every person can be. It is through communion with God and each other, in love, that we are most fertile. Freedom The ability to readily act in complete accord with my true nature - in harmony with who I truly am. True human freedom always seeks truth and love. The false understanding of freedom is to be able to do what I like. Tolerance Respect for the other’s true freedom. (So, if we misunderstand freedom, we will misunderstand tolerance as well.) Nature The given-ness of something, of who I am. Justice Acting in accord with the nature of things. Joy The deepest experience of being alive, growing, and being in life-giving relationship; of being and living in accord with who I truly am. Initiator The one who takes a lead in a relationship of love: not a controller or someone who dominates, but one who initiates out of love for the other. In turn, the initiator receives from the receiver & responder. Receiver & Responder The one who first receives from the initiator in a communion of love, and loves in return by accepting the love offered and responding to it. In the Bible, this receiving of love is often called obedience or submission, but in a respectful way that is in no way demeaning, and is fulfilled in the response - often an initiating in itself - being then received by the initiator, and responded to, etc. - resulting in a life-giving relationship of mutual submission and respect. Reciprocal Complementarity This is the relationship of love between initiator and receiver & responder, where both persons benefit from the other and their genuine differences enrich each other. It helps us see how right order in relationship does not mean domination, but rather can be mutually beneficial. It can be seen that the three above definitions are interconnected. This relationship is primarily between persons, but can also be between things - such as reason and emotions. Appropriate Vulnerability Relationship and intimacy require a certain vulnerability on behalf of both persons. Especially as we are growing, we can tend towards too little vulnerability or too much. Appropriate vulnerability is the ability to allow one’s relationships to grow steadily and with appropriate boundaries, that benefit both persons.

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Year 8 Modules a-k

Contents: Year 8 Year 8 specifically looks at us becoming fertile persons - primarily a ‘spiritual fertility’ which is each person’s ability to cooperate in their own growth and the growth of others, and make a difference - founded on sharing in a communion of love. Modules 8b-e focus on the three central choices we have to make to grow as spiritually fertile persons: choosing the spiritual over the physical; truth over opinion; and love over egolife. We then look at God’s calling unique of each of us to bear fruit, and then at more practical issues such as texting, sexting and bullying, as well as fascination and attraction, and the desire to control and fear. Module 8a: The Fertile Person To understand the heart of what it is to be a fertile person - someone who is ‘spiritually fruitful’ - in contrast with an individual, whose fulfilment is sought primarily in themselves. Module 8b: Spiritual and Biological Fertility To understand the link between growing as a person, spiritual fertility and biological fertility. Module 8c: Nourished by the Truth To understand how a key dimension of bearing good fruit in our lives is to reflect on the nourishment we give our minds, and to be committed to putting truth above emotion or being right. Module 8d: Ordering and Insight To understand the human capacity of insight built on the process of ordering. Module 8e: Love and Ego-life To understand the importance of a genuine gift of self to the other, as fulfilling us as human persons; that putting others before our own self-interest and desires (ego-life) leads to happiness. Module 8f: Called to Give Life To know I am called by God to a purpose that will fulfil me and help others, and to know something of how to discern this vocation. Module 8g: Texting To see that, though social media offers lots of opportunities for communication, there is a danger that it lacks the depth of real communication. Module 8h: Fascination and Beauty To help emerging adults to realise the importance of respect and sensitivity in getting to know persons of the other sex, and of the complementarity of masculinity and femininity. To understand true beauty and natural fascination in this context. Module 8i: Sexting and Degrading Images To understand the very destructive nature of sexting and other sexual misuses of social media, that so easily cause damage and great distress. Module 8j: Control and Fear To understand our need to overcome both fear and the desire to control, and that it is faith and hope that primarily achieve this, bringing us freedom. Module 8k: Bullying To see that all bullying is a result of fear and a desire to control, and that it is destructive. In addition to the terrible hurt it causes the bullied person, it also deprives the bully of happiness and love.

The Fertile Person

Learning Objectives To understand the heart of what it is to be a fertile person - someone who is ‘spiritually fruitful’. To see that this is sometimes in contrast with an individual, whose fulfilment is sought primarily in themselves.

Key Point First and foremost, fertility is spiritual - the ability to grow ourselves and help others to do likewise. Biological fertility (to be discussed in the next module) is a unique and special part of the spiritual fertility of growing and making a difference. This module helps us to see that fertility is linked to reciprocal complementarity: we are more fruitful when we are united in love.

“When you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you. When you seek happiness for others, you will find it yourself” Wayne Dyer.

Step 1 Who likes jigsaws? They might not be as fast moving as video games, but they can be very rewarding, and even fun to do together - so long as you don’t find pieces missing right at the end! What makes jigsaws work? The fact that there is one picture divided up into many parts and each part has a number of tabs and slots. Can you imagine doing a jigsaw where every piece was a perfect square? What would happen? The pieces would constantly be moving in relation to each other, it would be harder to know where pieces went - and even if you did finally put them all together , there is no ‘strength’ in the final puzzle. Activity 1: Sometimes in life things go really well together; in nature, in people, ...even in food! Sometimes we can even say that things are ‘more than a sum of their parts’. For instance, you could eat a hot dog roll. You could eat a sausage for your dinner. You could eat a plate of onions. Well, maybe. A meal of ketchup on its own. Maybe not. But take those 4 same things and put them together. Delicious! More than a sum of their parts. List some other people or things that complement each other. That are better or stronger together.

Do you remember this simple symbol you saw in primary school? What does it mean?

They both get a good deal.

What makes jigsaws work? Step 2 So what unites us as humans? Our shared human nature is like being all part of the same jigsaw, with one beautiful picture. Our ability to give and receive, our strengths and weaknesses, are the things that unite us with each other. When two people help each other by giving themselves in love, in different ways that enrich each other we call that ‘reciprocal complementarity’. Reciprocal means giving and 34

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

receiving; working both ways. Complementarity means that we are better together; our differences strengthen us. Understanding this helps us be more forgiving and compassionate. When we are feeling INSECURE about ourselves and life, we might want to be independent. But we are made for something better than that: interdependence. Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhU5JEd-XRo One Human Family (1:03). Activity 2: Think of 3 ways in which depending on each other interdependence - can help us in our day to day lives in school.

Suggested Activities 1. In groups list a number of situations in which people with individual characteristics or skills might be needed to work together. In school? At home? At work? 2. In what ways could I, and others, be affected if I try to live only for myself, as “an island”, and not in relationship? 3. “You and I don’t make sense in isolation. We are united by what we have in common and our genuine differences also strengthen that unity.” Evaluate this statement using some of the points discussed in today’s module. Give arguments from different viewpoints.

A church in Assisi, Italy. ‘For it is in giving that we receive.’

4. The symbol from the ‘Fertile Heart’ module in primary school reflects, in a simple pictorial way, the unity of 2 persons. Can you make your own pictorial reflection of this using hearts/hands/numbers or similar?

Step 3 You and I don’t make sense in isolation.

Summary

The Bible makes this point on the first two pages: creation is ‘good’; man and woman make it ‘very good’ - but it was not good for Adam to be alone (Gen 2:18). We need relationship.

We are called to be persons who make a bigger difference when we work together in reciprocal complementarity. In reciprocal complementarity we grow, help others to grow and our relationships also grow: we call this ‘spiritual fertility’. We don’t create things out of nothing, but in reciprocal complementarity with God, we can be spiritually fertile - which is what our hearts long for.

As we reasoned in Y7, our central relationship is with God, and then, especially while we are still growing, with parents and family. IN OUR FRIENDSHIPS TOO WE GIVE AND RECEIVE. What is really key is that the unity is more important than the difference, but the differences strengthen both persons and their relationship when it is built on love. Activity 3: Listen to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mfus7QCeWU No Man is an Island - John Donne (1:30). Discuss what the poet meant when he wrote this famous passage. Write down some ideas and be willing to share them with the class. Step 4 When we truly care for each other, not only does the relationship grow, but we are both richer for it. In business lots of people take one specialist role in the whole company process, and in this way the whole company can do so much more.

Spiritual and Biological Fertility

Learning Objective To understand the link between growing as a person, spiritual fertility and biological fertility.

A child takes a moment to conceive and a lifetime to raise”

Key Point

Anonymous.

In the previous lesson, we understood that spiritual fertility is about growing, helping the other grow, growing in unity together and making a difference - all in one! Biological fertility is a unique sort of fertility, and needs to be seen within this understanding of spiritual fertility. Step 1 You’re at home and mum isn’t feeling so good; she sits down for a moment. What might you do? The love comes from within, but you communicate it through physically doing something such as giving her a hug. The same thing is true in other situations. How do we show courtesy to others in school? Think of some examples. Again, the desire to be kind comes from within, but it is expressed physically. That’s how we work as humans. We call those abilities to think, choose, love and relate our spiritual dimension. They can’t be simply physical abilities because otherwise we would be acting only according to physical laws and our thinking and choosing would be imaginary. The beauty of being a human is found in our complementary union of soul (spirit) and body. Our body and soul work together in choosing and acting. In the above examples, it is the spiritual choice to care for mum or another that led to the physical action. And by doing the loving act, we also grow in love - our spirit grows, we grow as a person: this is reciprocal complementarity within the person: the spirit takes the lead in union with the physical, but both enrich the other - and as a result we grow.

We grow in our person when we allow the spiritual priority over the physical.

Activity 1: Try to explain what you understand by the phrase ‘growing as a person’? What makes a good mum? What actually made your mum your mum was the moment you were conceived. Or when your mum adopted you or became your foster mum. But what makes her a good mum are the things that make her a loving mum - which help you grow physically and spiritually. We only have one mum and the most important dimension of her motherhood is her spiritual capacity to love you. Her love for you shows itself in the physical ways she looks after you. So, these acts cause you to grow, cause her to grow as a person, and cause the love between you to grow - reciprocal complementarity. ‘It is in giving that we receive’. Step 2 Concentrating on our looks and our physique is somehow just never enough - we will never fit in with media stereotypes. We need to take care of our body and our hygiene, but our greater longing is to be spiritually productive. We communicate this spiritual longing through the physical, which helps both others and myself to grow. 36

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

To love and be loved in return.

Activity 2: Idea blitz a list of things we might do physically but which shows our spirit in action. For example, carrying in mum’s - or someone else’s shopping from the car without being asked. Then discuss how do you feel when you have shown this spiritual dimension in a physical action? Do you feel enriched and happier or do you feel diminished and sadder? How do you think others are affected by your action? Why do you think this is? Step 3 We see the link between growing as a person, growing in spiritual fertility and growing in biological fertility. As a person in communion with another I am more spiritually fertile, but that spiritual fertility is always communicated through our bodies. This begins to help you understand the link between all the things that are starting to happen in you. Adolescence is an exciting time: lots of new opportunities arise, a depth of meaning to life opens up - however it can be also be scary and confusing as things start happening inside and outside you, that you don’t fully understand. This confusion is natural and something everyone feels, even if they don’t show it. It helps to realise that all the changes in you are geared to you growing fully into a person - making you spiritually fertile, as well as physical changes so as to be biologically fertile. When we see the link between these, it helps us understand why all these changes happen at the same time.

Key Point By thinking and choosing before we act we give meaning to our actions. This is an important part of choosing the spiritual over the physical. Living by instinct and emotion might seem appealing at first, but most of the time it means things go wrong, because we are literally being ‘thoughtless’. Emotions tend us towards thinking ‘why not?’ whereas the true person thinks, ‘why?’ A wise person seeks to discern meaning, not decide it. Activity 3: Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lK_dTO5WosI (2:11), then https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BJFoGK5GlY&t=3s (3:31), and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ce4I5h0grXI (7:20). These three videos help us think through the physical, intellectual and spiritual development of adolescence - which all make more sense when we realise they happen so that we can be biologically, intellectually and spiritually more fertile. Can you put the spiritual before the physical?

Summary

Carrying her shopping shows her you care.

Suggested Activities 1. Create your own mind map of 5 of the main points of today’s module. 2. How have family and friends helped you grow, by their actions in the past? 3. “My spirit and my body work together to try to help others and myself grow.” Explain this in your own words and say how this might work in some everyday situations. 4. Can you think of a song or film clip that has a similar point to something in today’s session? 5. “Adolescence is exciting but frightening.” Evaluate this statement giving reasons for your comments. Write these out in 3-5 paragraphs, giving your conclusion.

What we have dealt with today is very deep but the conclusion is simple. The changes happening in your life now and throughout adolescence are a call to grow as a person and focus on your ability to truly love and relate, one with another. Focusing on growing as a person will help you understand your sexuality; understanding your sexuality will help you understand sex: but that is the right order. The temptation is to be turned off course by others or even by impulses within you, and to turn your focus the opposite way round – which brings confusion and unhappiness.

Nourished by the Truth

Learning Objective To understand how a key dimension of bearing good fruit in our lives is to reflect on the nourishment we give our minds, and to be committed to putting truth above emotion or being right.

“You are what you eat.” Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, Lawyer, politician and gastronome .

Step 1 You get a text from your friend saying, ‘Can’t meet up with you tomorrow’. What do you know from that? That you won’t see your friend tomorrow. But how do you understand the text? That depends on lots of things. If you are feeling a bit vulnerable, you might be tempted to think they could meet you but they’ve decided they don’t want to, and so be sad or hurt. If they normally text in a different style: “Really sorry babes/mate, but can’t…” - you might suspect that they are worried about something. If you had an argument earlier in the day because they are spending more time with another friend, then you might believe the argument led them to cancel meeting up. You might come to any of these conclusions and you might be right or wrong. TAKE CARE in making judgement calls about people’s motives - especially from texts and emails - because it is so easy to ‘get the wrong end of the stick’. Activity 2: Write out a text message that you would send to a friend giving the same information each time but in different circumstances: - If you were in a hurry. - If you were annoyed with them about something. - If you were feeling a bit down about something that had happened that day. - If you were trying to hide something.

Activity 1: Discuss what you understand by this. If our bodies can be polluted by junk food why not our minds by junk ideas and images? We have to be discerning about what we allow into our minds as well as our bodies.

“I will follow the truth wherever it takes me.” John Henry Newman.

Step 2

Key Point It is sometimes hard to realise how much and how easily our understanding of what we perceive is influenced by what is going on inside us. This can filter, block or distort what we experience.

At the heart of all this is the important choice we make: do I want to know the truth or do I want to be right? Which is more important to you? Watch https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=icCdAl6TvNM&feature=emb_logo What is fake news? (1:35). People can mis-communicate to us accidentally, but we also have to be aware that sometimes it’s deliberate. Activity 3: In France mobile phones have been banned in all schools. Can we rely on texts and social media to tell us the truth? What do you think? Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ww4OFzonOsA Emmanuel Macron to ban phones in French schools. 1:24 minutes and/or https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=QN11E74HIOE&t=29s Social media addiction short film 2:29

Write out a text conversation where you are misunderstood. 38

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I am going to be more careful about texting in future

I know none of my mates would ever disrespect me in a text message

I wish I hadn’t said that about him, what if he reads it? As soon as this lesson is over, I am going to check my phone for the latest gossip!

Truth is not always the easiest or most popular path. THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT THE WRONG PATH.

Suggested Activities

Step 3 The more I want to be right, the more I will fit a narrative into what I think or feel, and dismiss anything that doesn’t fit. If we really want to grow, we have to commit to the truth, and to follow the truth wherever it takes us. That sounds obvious, but it is hard! It might leave us feeling disorientated when we realise we have to change our mind-set. It involves treating others as persons and genuinely listening to what they have to say. It takes humility to be willing to change, but the humble person faces mistakes and grows; the proud person turns away from truth and covers this up with emotion, maybe anger.

Key Point Information is food for the mind. Not all food is good for us! So we need to nurture in us a hunger for truth, rather than a desire to be right and win the argument. This will lead us to be more discerning about what we absorb. Step 4

1. Look up these keywords. Write down a sentence for each to explain their meaning in the context of today’s session, PERCEIVE+DISCERNING+ NOURISHING+MAKING JUDGEMENTS+COMMITTED 2. Write a text of 100 words giving a friend an accurate account of the module they missed today. 3. Design a web page that shows the different ways we can access information and how these try to influence us to listen to their message. Write a slogan/headline, if you wish, to get your message across. Finish by saying what you think are the main reasons why social media tries to influence our lives.

Realising that truth is so important, we also have to be discerning about where we get our “facts” from. The internet is an amazing invention; it gives us access to more information than anyone in the past could even imagine - but it isn’t always right. Nor is the television, or magazines or other media. Other people have their own agendas. They can be wrong. So, we have to learn to be discerning about what we absorb.

4. ‘There is not “my truth” and “your truth” only the truth.’ Discuss this statement. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons explaining your views. Write 3-5 paragraphs.

It’s a bit like eating. We can be tempted to eat what we like. We can eat whatever is there, but if we care about our physical health, we will be discerning about what we eat, because what we put into our bodies makes a difference. It is the same with what we put into our minds.

5. Give 3 examples of ‘knowing things in the right order’, such as making a cake, assembling a piece of furniture or something to do with friendship.

Summary Our bodies grow and we have energy if we eat discerningly and our bodies process the food properly. For our minds to grow, we have to absorb information discerningly, and we have to process it properly: ordering information rightly is often as important as the information itself; understanding is ‘knowing things in the right order’. 39

Ordering and Insight

Learning Objective To understand the human capacity of insight built on the process of ordering.

Activity 1: Teacher puts a number of objects which have been ‘zoomed in’ on. See how long it takes you to recognise them as the picture is ‘zoomed out’ and you see the bigger picture. YouTube clip, for example: https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=jHsVmidFUC4 Step 1

“I am the Lord unrivalled…I have not said …seek me in chaos. I…speak with directness. I express myself with clarity.” Canticle of Isaiah.

Understanding the concepts We can’t be content with just knowing information because value and meaning emerge from ordering it correctly too. We also need insight to make that jump which lets us say, “Oh, I get it now!”

Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom.

Insight (from Middle English for ‘inner sight, wisdom’): The capacity to gain an accurate and deep understanding of someone or something.

Activity 2: Quick class survey. What do you think? Which is cleverer: a computer or you? Why? Answering these questions will really help us understand something of what it means to be a ‘spiritually fertile person’ - and how the human intellect can be ‘fertile’ in a way that is absolutely unique. Step 2 What computers reveal very clearly is the power of right ordering. What a computer does is put 1s and 0s in a right order. That’s amazing! We can have space travel, the internet, mobile phone technology, safe air-travel and so much more by arranging 1s and 0s in the right order! Don’t underestimate the importance of right ordering. Humans can see order. Our minds are geared to seeing order, similarity and ’concept’ - when we see a deeper, unseen reality that unifies diverse events.

GM m r2

F = force of gravity G = gravitational constant (6.67 x 10-11) M = mass of one object m = mass of other object r = distance between the two objects

Galileo and Newton both ordered and had insights.

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Humans can see the bigger picture.

Moral decisions often depend on us understanding the right order of people’s rights. If I think my right to choose is more important that your right to life, then I will think its ok to hurt you so that I can have my way. If I realise that your right to life and health are more important, then I won’t. Ordering matters in lots of ways!

Grasping concepts helps us see order. Maths helps us to do this with the physical world. 2+3=5 is true… whether it’s books, bananas or planets; but we can’t ever point to ‘2’ or ‘3’. We can point to a symbol that represents a number; we can point to 2 bananas or 2 books but we can’t point to ‘2’. It is a concept that helps us see order, and order things ourselves. Schools work because staff use their intellect to order a timetable, and so the right teacher and the right form meet in the right room for a certain lesson. Step 3 What always gives humans the edge though is the personal ability of insight: the ability to make a seeming leap of intuition to an understanding I didn’t previously have. We all have those moments. A teacher is teaching the class something. Maybe we’ve heard the subject before, and we get every fact we are being told, but just can’t quite get the whole thing. Then, suddenly it all makes sense. We feel alive and happy! When someone does this in a way no one has ever done before we call it GENIUS! One example of this is Galileo. He had the insight that it is the same gravity that causes planets to orbit the sun and things to fall to the ground. Isaac Newton ‘ordered’ that insight with his equation of gravity. Another good example is Albert Einstein. He was thinking and thinking about time and speed and electromagnetism and even the ether - which many scientists believed must exist everywhere as a type of gas, allowing light and such to travel through space. He had all the equations other physicists had. But he also had a succession of insights. Through these he came to the special theory of relativity which concludes that there is no ether, and that space and time are not constant, but the speed of light in a vacuum is. Wow! Einstein was able to check and re-check his theory, he was able to rigorously show it from first principles, but how he got to it was a combination of absorbing information, ordering and insight.

Suggested Activities 1. What are the advantages of seeing the bigger picture in real life? How could it affect our choices if we could discern the whole story instead of a small part of it? 2. Design a poster to illustrate the amazing qualities which PERSONS have that make them unique. 3. Write 2 sentences about the 4 main points of the module. These words are key. Right order; insight; bigger picture; different to computers; right choices; our minds absorb. Evaluate the lesson and say what conclusions you would draw from the ideas you have discussed. 4. Read quote on opposite page about ‘moral decisions’. Discuss with a partner and evaluate what you understand by this. Write down your arguments. 5. List some of the evidence which you see around you that there is ‘order’ in the universe.

But the insight is different to the ordering - and it can’t be done by computers - it is a spiritual capacity. And it is something only persons can do.

Summary Humans alone have a capacity for insight - moments when we suddenly have a leap of understanding. We also have the capacity to order which facilitates insight. Each person has a unique intellectual capacity, but it is in your hands to be mature fruitful persons through the right choices you make and, as we learnt last time, being discerning about what our minds absorb, and committing to the truth rather than ‘me being right’.

Key Point The brain orders; the mind has insight. They work in reciprocal complementarity. They work together and each, though different, strengthens and helps the other. A computer might be much better than you at ordering... but it can never have insight. You will always be cleverer than a computer so long as you grow as a person. Don’t get me wrong. I ❤ computers! But only we have that spiritual capacity to be fertile ground where wisdom and authentic love can grow. 41

Love and Ego-life

Learning Objective To understand the importance of a genuine gift of self to the other, as fulfilling us as human persons; that putting others before our own self interest and desires (ego-life) leads to happiness.

Key Word Ego-life: A person’s consciousness of themselves, which naturally focuses them more on their desires and interests. Step 1 We have explored the call to grow as persons, so that we can be truly relational and spiritually fertile. Relationship involves the person, the intellect and the will.

”The human person “cannot fully find himself except through a sincere gift of self.”

UNDERSTANDING these three key foundations will allow us to reflect on practical issues. 1. We grow in our person when we allow the spiritual priority over the physical. We mature when we put meaning and long-term happiness above what gives us pleasure or comfort; when we follow our conscience.

Vatican II, Gaudium et Spes (Joy and Hope).

2. We grow in our intellect when we allow truth priority over being right. We mature when we accept that what is true advances our understanding, whereas refusing to keep our mind open because of vanity, fear or stubbornness blocks reality from entering our mind and holds us back.

ACTIVITY 1: For each of the above 3 foundations give 2 practical examples of how these choices might occur in our daily lives. 1. For example: I give my little sister first choice of cakes and she takes my favourite.

The Happiness Graph ing

Happiness

3. We grow in our will when we allow love priority over the ego-life. We know that making the choice to put others before our own self interest and desires (ego-life) might be difficult, even sad, in the short term, though it will lead to happiness later. It is VERY hard; that is why our WILL comes into it. Our will grows strong through prayer and practising virtues such as patience and humility. Jesus compared it to taking up our cross daily.

Bei

Selfi

Time

Key Point Everyone wants to be happy. You will never find anyone who is hoping to be unhappy tomorrow, because they are bored of being happy. Most would agree that love makes us happy. But it is very surprising just how many people are unhappy. Activity 2: Why are people unhappy? Partly because we choose ourselves before love. Why do you think this leads to unhappiness? In pairs list some reasons why you think people might be unhappy due to putting self first. (Not specific stories about people you know). Share with class. Growing up is a long process of gradually knowing and understanding MYSELF

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Step 2 We begin by knowing nothing of ourselves. Growing up is a long process of gradually knowing and understanding MYSELF, gradually learning to take responsibility for myself, and choosing the sort of individual I want to become. It means learning continually. We have been created to find fulfilment in the sincere “gift of self”. This is what true love is, and we find happiness when we say yes to this, and grow in our ability to do this. Growing as a person is not in contrast to growing as an individual - it is the fulfilment of it. I need to grow in self-understanding. I need to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. I should try hard to develop my talents, but ultimately, so that I can give myself to others in genuine love, and thus receive them in genuine love too: in friendship, in marriage, in life. Step 3 We reflected that being loving actually does make us happy long term - but short term it often costs. This echoes what we are saying here - that it fulfils us as persons, even if I am putting me as an individual second: I always grow more by giving than I do by putting my growth first. But we cannot underestimate how hard it is.

Suggested Activities 1. Watch YouTube clip from “Evan Almighty” - “PRAY FOR THE OPPORTUNITY” If God wants you to be patient do you think He gives you patience or does he give you the opportunity to be patient?...... https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=Ikes4yPulmI Discuss how this helps us put others before ourselves. 2. Identify and list the main points of the lesson as a tool for revision. 3. Loving others as Jesus loved us is another way of understanding the “importance of a genuine gift of self to the other”. Explain in writing why you think it might be very difficult to love someone else as much as you love yourself?

We grow in our will when we give priority of love over our own ego-life. This is hard because each of us has a voice inside us, that talks especially to our emotions, telling me that I need my way to be happy. This is the biggest lie of the human heart. Selfgift and relationship make me happy - and lead me to be more forgiving.

4. “Putting others first might be difficult and even sad in the short term, though it will lead to happiness later.” Evaluate this statement by giving reasons for and against. Draw on your own experiences to help.

Summary

5. “He/she is a person with big ego!” Explain what this means and why it could cause problems.

Key Point

1. We long for spiritual fertility 2. This comes about through relationship in love: a communion of persons. 3. So we need to grow as persons, learning how to appropriately receive and respond. 4. We do this through learning appropriate vulnerability (a). 5. Through choosing the spiritual over the physical (b); 6. Through choosing truth over being right (c); 7. Through choosing love over ego-life (d): 8. All in reciprocal complementarity – working both ways and giving strength to the other. 9. These choices help us to grow in our being, our intellect and our will. 10. These four needs (a-d) are our foundation for understanding what is best for us. Starting from next session, we can begin to look at applying these choices to practical issues. JESUS dying on the Cross is the ultimate act of putting love before ego-life. For everyone, that is an amazing example, as is every time we see someone forgive a serious wrong. Christians find in Jesus’ Cross and Resurrection the power we need to be able to consistently choose love over ego-life. 43

Called to Give Life

Learning Objectives To know I am called by God to a purpose that will fulfil me and help others. To know something of how to discern this vocation. Step 1: Life choices and joy ‘So long as they’re happy.’ We often hear people say this. But it’s not exactly the whole story, is it? ‘They’re stealing cars for money.’‘ Oh! Ah well! So, long as they’re happy.’ - just isn’t true is it?! It is important that what the person is doing is at least not hurting others - but better still is helping others. Sometimes decisions people make can lead to short-term happiness but more long-term sadness and hurt. So, joy is a much better guide to life choices. Joy is connected with life. We experience joy in: being alive and growing; making a difference; helping other people grow; love - because love ultimately is shared life, shared being.

“I am created to do something or to be something for which no one else is created: I have a place in God’s counsels, in God’s world, which no one else has... God knows me and calls me by my name.” St John Henry Newman. YouCat p122

We can also use our reason: I can rationally see if the choices before me will be good ones, by thinking through if they will help bring joy - even if they also bring difficulties to start with. Step 2: Making a Difference So, what do you want to do when you grow up? The current answer isn’t as important as getting the process right. There are three common mistakes when thinking through life choices: I want to be rich, famous and powerful. They’re tempting, but let’s revisit what we’ve learnt: I grow by choosing the spiritual over the physical: so I should want to be spiritually rich, not physically; I grow by choosing truth over opinion: so I should be more concerned with who I am, not people’s opinion of me; I grow by choosing love over ego-life: love is the power that causes growth, so it is the only power that truly matters. The desire to be rich, famous or powerful is often connected with a fear of being vulnerable: but there is no intimacy without appropriate vulnerability - and so these get in the way of true friendship. You are made by God. Made for a purpose. You have deep desires to grow, to make a difference, to help others grow, and to love. You have a vocation to these. God is calling you to these, and vocation comes from the word for ‘calling’. That calling is common to all of us. How he has called you to these is unique to you. Read quote from St John Henry Newman. From this we learn three very important things: before getting the answers, we have to discern the right questions; the deepest questions we have to get in touch with are: how am I called to grow? To make a difference? To help others grow? To love?; underpinning these questions is the question: what do you want me to do God? What are you calling me to? Your parents should be able to help your life choices. But God is like a super-dad! He loves you completely, knows you completely and SO wants you to thrive! And, he can help us work together. Read Eph. 3: 20-21. When we entrust our life choices to God’s will we don’t lose anything, but we do enter into the whole history of people making the biggest difference possible to the world.

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God is calling you.

Key Point Working together brings out the best in us - and is very rewarding, if sometimes hard. A shared calling is the best part of being human.

Step 3: Getting in touch with my calling There are three main strands to our vocation: being part of the Church family, marriage and job/career. These are interlinked. It is good to ask myself questions like: what do I find fulfilment/joy in doing? Am I a people person? A systems person? A team player? (Activity 2.) All of us are called to serve - whether as a cleaner, shop worker, teacher, council worker, nurse, lawyer, or religious minister. All these roles are needed. What you are good at, and what fulfils you will help you discern your calling. It is good to ask others too. Enfolding the whole process is prayer - asking God what he is calling you to, and listening to his voice. If we do all this, our vocation will gradually emerge. Step 4 Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zTc2hD2npA Pirates of the Caribbean (up to 7:07 but just watch long enough to appreciate an orchestra). Life is like an orchestra - spiritually, we are not a bunch of soloists. God’s ultimate goal is the unity of all humanity in Christ, so what music we come up with is secondary, in God’s eyes, to us learning to ‘play’ in harmony. It’s important to trust God to be the conductor - of you and of all of us. Not because he needs to be at the centre, but because he’s the one that can bring the best out of all of us - making us all spiritually fertile together. Hopefully you’re now inspired to discover your vocation to grow, love and make a difference! Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74BbbZ9zLeY The Unsung Heroes: Every One Of Us (3:39) showing ordinary people making a difference. Then watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INN3cuuUz1s Unsung Heroes: Nyawira (3:53) showing how Nyawira makes a huge difference by dedicating her life to service. (Then Activity 3.)

Making a difference together.

Summary We long for joy which comes from growing, making a difference, helping others to grow and loving. Our vocation is to do these things, and specifically, how each of us is called to do these things. So we should seek these, not money, fame or power. The God who loves and made you is the one who calls you to a fulfilling life. Getting in touch with ourselves will help us discover our vocation. We are called together, to be fertile together, to be joyful together!

Suggested Activities 1. Think of ways in which money, fame or power - or seeking them could get in the way of growing, working together, and making a difference. 2. In small groups, think of three jobs that would suit: a people person; a systems person; a team player. Discuss which of these appeal to you more and why. 3. Put your name on a heart, and then pass it around for every other pupil to write one nice quality about you. Do the same for them. Show your heart to your family and ask them to add anything positive they’d like to.

Suggested Resource 1. Downloadable heart template.

‘Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen’ (Ephesians 3:20–21)

Texting

Learning Objective To see that, though social media offers lots of opportunities for communication, there is a danger that it lacks the depth of real communication. Step 1 Activity 1: Watch ‘Look up’ by Gary Turk: https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=_qRSNdz4yJs Questions and Answers: Q. Who has a mobile phone? Q. If you choose not to have a phone, why is that? Q. What do you do on your phone? Q. How much time do you spend on your phone every day? Q. Are you addicted? Those of you who are 13 can use facebook as well. Q. Who does? Q. What do you use it for? Q. How long do you spend on it each day? Q. What are the benefits of texting and facebook? Q. What can be their disadvantages?

“Solidarity is a consequence of genuine and right communication and the free circulation of ideas that further knowledge and respect for others. Users should practise moderation and discipline in their approach to mass media.” CCC n.2495-6.

LOOKING DEEPER: BENEFITS and DISADVANTAGES. How do you feel when your phone rings to tell you you’ve got a call? Happy that someone is interested in you? How do you feel when someone makes an effort to find out about you, or be kind to you? Maybe a bit awkward to start with, but overall, we feel alive when such things happen - when another person shows that I am important to them. A similar thing happens with texting, but there are two important differences. 1. Texting feels “safer” - as I don’t feel any of the awkwardness of talking to someone new. 2. There is more of a temptation to enjoy the fact that I’m being texted, over and above the actual content of the text. It easily becomes about quantity, not quality: how many friends, how many texts. Step 2 Real communication is spiritual - it is a genuine sharing of persons - with each other.

Why hasn’t he texted? He said he would.

We reflected on how real relationship needs appropriate vulnerability (module 7g). We long for intimacy, we fear vulnerability. However, we can’t ever have appropriate intimacy without appropriate vulnerability. A temptation with social media is it seems like it offers intimacy, without any vulnerability - that sharing of ourselves with others can seem to hold no dangers or possibility of hurt when we are not face to face. But this is deceptive. Step 3 We all long to belong. When we genuinely communicate we gain solidarity - a deep bond because of our shared identity: as humans, as members of the same nation, school, form, family. A poor reflection of this is when we find a unity because I need to feel wanted and so do you. Real solidarity takes time and 46

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Social media, in the main, is not as important as person to person encounters.

vulnerability; it is easy to settle for something second best, because it is easier and seems safer. As our key quote says, solidarity is built on genuine and right communication. Does social media always encourage this? It might be easier to lie by text or to pretend to be someone I’m not. Because it doesn’t feel the same as face-to-face communication, we don’t get the same discomfort about lying - and neither does the other person. This can so easily lead to inappropriate, offensive and even vile, angry texts - which are all so destructive. Even without this, we can easily stay superficial by text; never going deeper and sharing what’s inside. Step 4 A danger of social media is that we become too passive in our own development. Earlier in the year we thought about how we need to learn to be discerning about information we receive - seeking to be informed by truth, not entertained by alleged facts. Social media tends to indirectly encourage us to just passively absorb. We can end up with very superficial judgements about important, sensitive subjects because we have heard sound-bites and one-line slogans. Truth is often revealed in nuance. It might have more layers and be a bit ‘shy’ and harder to spot. As well, we can remain too narrow or shallow, simply because we have chosen entertainment too often over things that develop us. There is another element to this passivity. With social media, and games, television, YouTube and music videos, we get used to multi-sensory input, without doing too much. Then we get bored easily when that doesn’t happen. But central to true friendship is “wasting time with each other” and being happy just being, so that I can get in touch with my being. Learning how to relate well takes time and effort. Activity 2: Jot down the pattern of your average Saturday - the whole 24 hours - detailing when and how much time you spend on your phone/watching TV/on social media/games. Give details of how much time you might sleep; whether you find it difficult to switch off; when you eat. Write a brief evaluation at the end commenting on whether you think you have spent the day well or not, and why.

Summary There are many uses to social media, but in the main, they are not as important as person to person encounters. We need to choose the spiritual above the physical, and texting often makes receiving a text more important than the content; real communication is often the opposite. We use social media; it is a part of our life; but do we always use it wisely?

Looking down.

Suggested Activities 1. Create a Power Point with 5 to 6 frames summarising the main points of this lesson. 2. Describe in writing an occasion when you have felt real solidarity and belonging in a group. What did you learn from it? Also an occasion when you have felt that a certain situation was superficial and communication was not genuine. What were your feelings about it? 3. Write down 2 reasons why you think ‘practising moderation and discipline’ with texting could improve your day and your friendships. Discuss in class. 4. “A danger of social media is that we become too passive in our own development.” Do we just absorb what comes our way on our phones and become lazy about trying to find out more and go deeper? Evaluate this issue from all sides of the argument.

Fascination and Beauty

Learning Objectives To help emerging adults to realise the importance of respect and sensitivity in getting to know persons of the other sex, and of the complementarity of masculinity and femininity. To understand true beauty and natural fascination in this context. Activity 1: Watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slQksNmGg0Q&t=8s Ed Sheeran - Perfect (official video) 4:39. Step 1 In primary school boys may think of girls as a bit of a mystery. And girls can often think boys are a bit immature. We have talked about biological fertility, and obviously that is very much connected with the complementary biological difference between man and woman. So, it is not surprising that the age where males and females start becoming fertile (puberty) is the age where a fascination for the other often emerges. That fascination is for the other person as a person - not just focusing on the biological differences. A lot of impulses within us can be easily misunderstood, and be very destructive, if we don’t understand this. We have to be very careful about stereotyping anyone, especially males and females. In recent times, equality feminism has helped us take seriously what we know: that men and women are equal in dignity. From that starting point, we are freed to discern any general differences without it being negative to anyone. Men and women are clearly different biologically, without that affecting our equality at all; so we can be different in other ways that don’t affect equality either. Every cell of our body reflects our genetic difference - with either XX chromosomes for females or XY chromosomes for males. In puberty male brains are affected more by testosterone, and female brains by oestrogen. So it is worth reflecting on whether these lead to differences in how we tend to function.

“The fig tree is forming its first figs and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance. Come then, my beloved, my lovely one, come to me.” Song of Songs 2:13.

Read: St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13: verses 1-13.

The Bible teaches us that love is at the heart of being human. Love is about giving and receiving. When we give love, we are opened up more to receive love. When we receive love, we are more able to give love. Loving helps us be loved; being loved helps us love. From listening deeply to teenagers and young adults, Pope John Paul II suggested that masculinity is more about first giving love, which opens the person up more to receive love, and femininity is more about first receiving love, which empowers the person more to give love. Remember: he is saying this from the starting point that we are all equal, and that we are all called to receive and give love. (Read Song of Songs 2:13, in margin). In so much literature, we find it is the male asking the female to ‘go out with him’. Is this just down to social expectations? Would it work just as well if Romeo was on the balcony and Juliet calling up to him? Activity 2: Write down what you understand by the following words or phrases: Stereotyping / Equal but different / Fascination / Immaturity/ Maturity. Step 2 The desire to love is strong in us, but can be misunderstood as an impulse to control - love is NEVER about control. The desire to receive love and respond to it is strong in us, and can lead to a fear of being unloved, which in turn can lead to an impulse to manipulate the other person to love me, or to settle for second best. Love NEVER manipulates and is always patient. 48

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Personal beauty - what do you understand by personal beauty?

Activity 3; Read St. Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 13: verses 1-13. What often emerges in us in adolescence is a fascination for the other sex. What is physical and emotional is felt more strongly and more immediately than the spiritual. Regarding our sexuality, do you think it is males or females who tend to focus more on the emotional? Or is it about the same? Regarding our sexuality, do you think it is males or females who tend to focus more on the physical? Or is it about the same? As we learnt in a recent module (8b), we grow as persons when we give the spiritual priority over the physical and emotional. Neither the physical nor the emotional offer happiness unless they are underpinned by the spirit - selfless love: then we act as a whole person - spirit, emotions and physical united. In romantic relationships, and particularly regarding sex, it is also even more important to put truth before being right, and love above ego-life. Physical and emotional impulses, unless they are shaped by truth and love, tend to act against them, and we end up using the other person. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of loving is using. Step 3 Connected with this is beauty - that which fascinates the other. The desire to be beautiful is true and in all of us. There are two types of beauty: physical beauty and personal beauty. Activity 4: What do you understand by physical beauty and personal beauty? “When you are loved for your personal beauty, you feel beautiful. When you are ‘loved’ for your physical beauty alone, you tend to panic that you will lose that love.” Discuss this statement. Do you agree? Step 4 All this takes time: spiritual love often takes longer to grow than emotional or physical attraction, but without it these can demean and hurt. This is why in all relationships, but particularly romantic ones, we need to go slowly and steadily, building on mutual respect and good communication. This ensures we love the other, rather than ending up using them.

Summary

Physical beauty in itself - what are some of the traps of physical beauty?

Suggested Activities 1. Form word cloud of aspects of personal, rather than physical, beauty that make us attractive. Discuss why these characteristics are so appealing to others. 2. Read through St Paul’s letter on love again. 1 Cor 13: 1-13. Make a list of the best things he says about what love is. Choose one about which to write a short analysis. 3. “Love at first sight doesn’t happen. It is only physical attraction. Fascination with the real me grows more slowly.” Evaluate this statement. Does it convince you? Say why. 4. “Can someone’s beauty be perfect?” Discuss.

Fascination with the other sex is normal, (though not universal and we will reflect on that later). However, for us all, the important thing is for fascination to be towards the person, who they really are, to take the lead over emotional and physical fascination, NOT the other way round. This respects truth and puts love first; it encourages patient, appropriate responsibility. It helps us understand true beauty. Don’t worry if you’re not feeling that fascination yet, or whether it is causing confusion in you. Have the confidence in yourself to allow things to emerge slowly. Don’t let others rush you.

Sexting and Degrading Images

Learning Objective To understand the very destructive nature of sexting and other sexual misuses of social media, that so easily cause damage and great distress. Step 1 Last module we were thinking about fascination - with sexuality, and the opposite sex. This is healthy and natural, and nothing to worry about. But it has to be shaped by truth and love. We’ve also talked about the desire for intimacy, but the fear of vulnerability. Texting has an appeal because it seems to offer a way of communicating that invites intimacy, without making you too vulnerable. It also appears to be unaccountable. When I am tempted to follow my destructive impulses, I know I shouldn’t, and so I can prefer no-one else to know. It then seems as though I don’t have to give an account of myself to anyone, that there is no price to pay. Activity 1: Write some thoughts about these questions for discussion in class. • You probably know what is meant by “sexting” - can you say? • Do you know why it is wrong? • Do you know of other ways in which phones and computers can be misused regarding sexuality? • Such things tempt, but are destructive. Why? • Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FakGpaTPgD4 (Megan’s story - 2 minutes) Get feedback from class.

“Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is right and pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think on these things. And the God of peace will be with you.” Phil 4:8.

Step 2: Equations for Life I stop giving any human person the dignity they deserve => I become insensitive to others’ needs and decency fades. Virtue and vice both spring from small beginnings >> don’t underestimate ‘trivial’ actions. Choose the spiritual over the physical ~ ~ you are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Choose truth over being right + love over your way = help everyone do what is right, grow and be happy. ❤ Step 3

Do you know of other ways in which phones and computers can be misused regarding sexuality?

We do need nuance and delicacy in our understanding of life, and especially sexuality, but we also need to speak about some clear unchanging boundaries. Discuss these in class and why they are needed. 1. Once anyone starts sexting, they are treating the other person as an object, not as a person. There is a time and a place for mature, sensitive discussions and sharing on sex and sexuality, but always in the context of treating each other as persons. Never have a conversation by text that you would not be willing to have face to face.

Text, pictures or webpages are not secret. 50

A Fertile Heart | Receiving & Giving Creative Love

2. Emotions are never good guides, but especially regarding sexuality. They will always, by themselves, tend towards doing things now and for pleasure. Love and truth shape them into being patient, and wanting what’s best for the other. Love is emotive; it is not an emotion. 3. If someone asks you to degrade yourself, or else they won’t love you, then they already don’t love you. People might pressure you into sending revealing pictures. This is illegal under the UK’s Sexual Offences Act 2003 for under 16s, but the pressure can resonate with a deep need inside all of us of wanting to be loved and to be told we are beautiful. But it is completely false. Being used is the opposite of love - it is worse than not being loved. If someone says they will “dump you” if you don’t agree - they do not have one atom of love or respect for you. 4. Anything sent by media is out there for all time. Your parents and friends may see it.

“In the use of means of social communication, necessary discretion is to be observed and those things are to be avoided which are harmful to one’s vocation and dangerous to chastity.” Code of Canon Law of the Catholic Church, n. 666. (written in 1983).

Don’t ever think any text, picture or webpage looked at is secret. Even things sent in fun shame people for years. Re-sending can get you a criminal record. Activity 2: Read Canon Law quote on the right. What advice would you give to a friend who told you they were thinking of sexting/replying to a sexual text/ snapchat they had received? Write down 2 things you would say to them and why. Work with a partner. Read Phil.4:8 from opposite page.

Key Point True relationship is beautiful and life-giving, vibrant, good and joyful. It is worth the effort it takes to grow so that you can enjoy it more and more. There are some things we always have to say ‘no’ to, so that we are free to say ‘yes’ to life, love and happiness. Step 4 Complementarity means that we try and help each other to grow. Each of us has impulses in us that aren’t helpful; maybe impulses to anger, lying, sulking or gossiping. Each of us is responsible for mastering these impulses within us, but it doesn’t help us if there is also peer pressure to do what is wrong. Instead of this, we could decide that our class will be one where there is peer encouragement, where we all try to help each other to grow through our patience, modesty, courage etc. The classroom ethos will change if we, lovingly and courageously, agree to root out wrong behaviour together. The atmosphere will be so much happier and so will we. The trouble with a revealing picture “is not that it shows too much of the person but that it shows too little.” There is no spiritual or personal beauty in it. (St John Paul II). Such pictures actually make it harder for others to see us as persons, easier for them to see us as objects. We may find that we can have an unhealthy curiosity and unhelpful thoughts regarding nudity. We shouldn’t panic about this, but we should want to overcome them. Remember it is much easier not to get into bad habits than to try and stop them afterwards! Looking at nude pictures never satisfies, and can soon lead you on to things you never would have thought of looking at. We are responsible for mastering our negative impulses, not strengthening them by looking at things that can harm us.

Suggested Activities 1. Do a mind map summarising the most important points of this lesson. 2. Choose one of the equations for life from Step 2 and write 2 or 3 sentences explaining it in your own words. 3. You have to do a presentation for class assembly about the ‘damage and distress’ that misuse of social media can cause. Write out 4 headings that you would talk about and write a paragraph for each.

Summary True fascination treats the other person with respect and dignity. Sexting and degrading images are the opposite of this and are always wrong. Secrecy gives power to the wrongdoer; sharing the problem empowers you. Dealing with unhelpful impulses inside us is part of life and helps us to grow. Peer encouragement can help us all. Think on what is true, beautiful and noble and you will grow.

Control and Fear

Learning Objectives To understand our need to overcome both fear and the desire to control. To understand how it is faith and hope that primarily achieve this, bringing us freedom.

Key Point This lesson is about dealing with our need to know our beginning and our end.

“There are three things that remain: faith, hope and love; and the greatest of these is love” 1 Cor. 13:13.

Key words: Initiator – the one who takes a lead in a relationship of love: not a controller or someone who dominates, but one who initiates out of love for the other. In turn the initiator receives from the receiver-responder. Receiver-responder – The one who first receives from the initiator in a communion of love, and loves in return by accepting the love offered and responding to it, which in turn is received by the initiator. Step 1 In module 8h we saw that the desire within us to initiate (begin a move to friendship/relationship) can easily be misunderstood by us as the desire to control: forcing rather than giving. And that the vulnerability we experience in our desire to receive/respond to relationship can easily cause us to fear. We have to understand ourselves in our relationship with God, before we can fully understand ourselves in relation to each other. In our relations with each other, we are sometimes the initiator and sometimes the receiver-responder. In relation to God we are always the receiver-responder. As God, he is our beginning and our end. That makes us vulnerable because, obviously my existence is very important to me, and realising it is in someone else’s hands is a bit scary! In adolescence, as I get to understand myself as a person more, if I am willing to find a stillness in me, then I come face to face with the truth that I have no say in why I exist, and I have no ability to avoid death. I may delay it by being careful, but I cannot avoid it. It is right and natural to think about these things. Animals and objects have no ability to reflect on existence, and so don’t worry about where they came from and where they are going. God is his own beginning and his own end, so he has no struggle with this either. It is only the created person who does. Step 2 I am called to be a co-operator with God. When I don’t accept this, I try to take over and control my life myself. At a deep level within me this is because I want to make sure I exist. It is faith that allows me to let go, and to understand that my existence comes from my loving Father. I am not reliable. God always is. So, doesn’t it make sense to trust him more than I trust myself? Since God made me, I can have trust that he made me in love; love that will never change. Therefore my existence is safe for ever. In this world and the next. This is faith. But it is not blind faith. It is a rational choice. It is made easier by knowing that the Son of God died out of love for me. It is only faith that can free me from the strong desire to control. The opposite of faith isn’t doubt. The opposite of faith is control. 52

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A dog doesn’t worry about the meaning of life.

Step 3

Suggested Activities

Fear of death is logical. So is fear of annihilation: ceasing to exist and my existence being meaningless. We have seen how an important part of growing is the willingness to put others before my own ego-life. This is dying to myself. Ultimately my fear of death, of my loving being a waste of time, becomes destructive if I don’t resolve it. Only hope can do this. Hope sees beyond the life we can see, to know that the God who began my life will bring it to completion. Since God is my end, then I have an eternity of growing in life, love and happiness ahead of me - that is wonderful news! Similar to faith, hope is not irrational - it is reasonable to trust that a loving God who made me will bring me to fulfilment, but it is still an act of trust. The Resurrection of Christ - which reveals that death is not the end, and that neither sin nor death can prevent God bringing me to fulfilment, makes hope much more possible for us.

1a/1b. Discuss or create a short drama on initiating a friendship, demonstrating that you understand that the initiator has the option of whether to control or to love. 2. Discuss whether trusting in God completely helps us to be free or gets in the way? How easy is it to believe that God has no interest at all in controlling you? Why do you think this is? 3. In pairs, discuss your hopes for your future. What fulfilment are you hoping for? What fears might get in the way of this? How might trusting in the Resurrection help to overcome these fears? 4. Look up the ‘Yahweh Breath Prayer’. Try sitting in school or at home in your room in silent stillness. 5. Look at Mk. 15:34 and Mk. 14:36. Reflect and comment on how they are words of true faith and hope respectively.

It is right and natural to think about the deeper things of life.

Key Point

“I am feeling so much better since I lay my burden down. ” Jacob’s Ladder. Song.

Faith, which is trusting that I came from God, allows me to receive in love fully. Hope, which is trusting that I am returning to God, allows me to respond in love fully. They overcome the desire to control, and fear.

Summary Desire to control and fear are very real for all created persons, because we are not our own beginning and end. Faith and hope are the answers to control and fear; they are remedies given to us by God: they free us to receive love and to respond in love - allowing us to grow forever. These truths are deep, but if you reflect on any problem or difficulty you encounter, at the heart of it will be someone’s desire to control, or your own fear of unfulfillment.

Bullying

Learning Objectives To see that all bullying is a result of fear and a desire to control. To understand that it is destructive and in addition to the terrible hurt it causes the bullied person, it also deprives the bully of happiness and love. Step 1

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” Mt.5:9.

We are talking about bullying today. This can be quite an emotional subject, especially if you have been bullied, and even more if you are being bullied. Hopefully no-one is, but if you are, you must tell someone. Why is bullying wrong? (It’s mean and cowardly. It really hurts the person bullied. It makes them feel scared and helpless.) Bullying is when a person, or even worse, a group of people, target someone and demean or threaten them, often over something they have no control over. It is one of the most serious things someone can do wrong at school. We all long to make a difference, to grow and to help others to grow. Bullying does exactly the opposite: it makes it much more difficult for the bullied person to grow, and stops the bully growing as well. The victim never forgets being bullied. The bully never forgets they were a bully. Activity 1: THINK: Ask yourself quietly and honestly if you have ever bullied someone. Even in a small way? If you have you will feel ashamed now and that is good if it leads you to being determined never to do it again, and to do all you can to stop it happening to others.

“In the world you will have trouble, but be brave: I have conquered the world.” Jn. 16:33.

DISCUSS: Why do people gang up to bully a person? If a group of people started to tease and embarrass someone would you be brave enough to stop it? Step 2 What does a bully need, in order for them to be able to bully? (At the heart of the answer to this is that they need the bullied person to believe that the bully has all the power and that they have none. This isn’t true - it simply has to be believed by the potential victim.) Bullying works when the person is convinced they are powerless and that they are alone. That is never the case. The bully gets their power by fear. So, the important steps the bullied person has to take are: To tell a responsible adult. Tell a trusted friend as well if you want to but you must tell a responsible adult such as your class teacher or your parents or a designated person at school. They will be able to help you. A responsible adult can help you realise that you are not powerless, especially because you are not alone. You can be helped to face your fears, and to realise that the bully hasn’t got all the power. Any other steps taken by the school will depend on the details of each individual situation. Fear is a strange thing. We looked last week at how strong it is in us, but a fear of the unknown is often stronger in us than a fear of something specific. It is that ‘handsized’ problem that we have talked about before. The problem is hand-sized but if the hand is right in front of your eyes then it fills your vision and seems impossible to overcome. Sharing with a responsible adult allows you to move the hand away: the problem doesn’t just go, but it does become manageable and the fear and sense of helplessness diminish. 54

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Everyone has a responsibility.

Step 3 Our lesson on control and fear last week helps us to understand the temptation to bully. Bullies are always cowards. When we fear, we can react by wanting to take control - control of things we can’t control or have no right to. It is always fear in a bully that leads them to control by bullying. This doesn’t make it any more acceptable. Relationship, giving and receiving, making a positive difference, give so much more joy and freedom, that choosing another path doesn’t make sense. But fear tends us to stop being reasonable. A bully will often fear being the isolated one, being unloved, or is hurting from something in the past. They might have convinced themselves that bullying will make them feel safer, more important or be ‘in’ with a group. The trouble is it just makes them unhappier: fear, and wanting to control always do. Understanding this can help a responsible adult resolve the situation. It can also help the bullied person find strength, when they realise the bully is acting from fear, and is just an ordinary human, like the rest of us. Bullying means there’s something wrong and sad with the bully, not with the person bullied!

To be empowered is important.

Suggested Activities 1. Make a list of positive actions which individuals or a class could undertake to underpin and encourage a good atmosphere in your class where noone feels isolated or threatened. This could involve good manners to each other in class. Pledges to stop hurtful comments. Laughing with others but not laughing at them. Awareness and responsibility with regard to hurtful comments online - cyber bullying. Trying to talk to everyone in class, not just your usual friends. Display the completed list in class and help and encourage each other to stick to it. 2. Design an anti-bullying poster for ‘No Bullying’ display in class. We are stronger together.

Key Point We are stronger together, so together we can make it a lot harder for any bullying to happen. If you see any signs of bullying, don’t stay quiet. Have the courage to share with a responsible adult. When everyone knows we are all on the lookout for each other, we all feel stronger, safer and happier.

Summary

3. What is meant by the phrase, ‘We are stronger together’? 4. Summarise the main points of the lesson in writing for a friend who is absent. 5. “If you don’t make other people scared of you they will think you are weak.” Evaluate this statement. How would you feel if others around you held this belief?

Bullying is horrible and can do a lot of damage. It works when the bullied person is too scared to stand up to it. Getting an appropriate adult involved is important. Bullies are cowards and isolate themselves from love. Together we can always beat bullying.

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A Fertile Heart Receiving & Giving Creative Love

Dear young person, If you don’t know how a car works, you’re not likely to be able to fix it. If you don’t know how crops grow, you’re not likely to be a great farmer. If you don’t understand a mobile phone, you’re not likely to get the most out of it. Understanding what it is to be a human person will help us know how to think and act, and so be happy and fulfilled. This booklet goes from Y7 to Y9, comprising eleven modules every year. It offers you a vision of what it is to be human, helping you to understand yourself more deeply, and therefore make better, more informed choices. At the heart of being a fertile person is the desire for relationship, the desire to grow, to give life and to help others to grow too. These are complementary: the better we relate, the more we grow; the more we grow, the better we relate. Y7 deals with important foundations such as knowing we are made in the image of God, being able to think correctly, understanding freedom and tolerance, and person and nature. It then helps us see that to relate well we need to learn appropriate vulnerability, and to apply this to all our relationships. In Y8 we explore the need to choose the spiritual over the physical; truth over being right; and love over my ego-life, in order to truly grow. From this we discover our own beauty and the true beauty of others. In Y9 we learn about our deeper desires for relationship and joy, and about the process of growing in understanding ourselves - as persons, and also as male or female. This helps us to move from confusion to self-understanding. In Y9 we also explore our attitude to money, because this has a big effect on our ability to relate well. Enjoy the journey of self-discovery!

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Version 7 | September 2021