Fifteen21 issue 20

Issue 20

June 2014

Child Sexual Exploitation Protect and Respect Tackling Sexual Violence Grooming and Prosecution

Myths and Facts Unseen, Unknown, Hidden - A Family’s Story Is the Child protection model Working?

Unheard Voices - the Asian Victim

Fifteen21 inspires young Muslims to be proud of their British Muslim identity.

The name Fifteen21 is derived from both the 15th century of the Islamic Hijri year and the 21st century of the Common era.

Fifteen21 aims to reconcile both Muslim and British identity.

ISSUE 7

Editor Fozia Parveen Designed by Hafizur Rahman Contact Fifteen21 fozia@fifteen21.com www.fifteen21.com facebook.com/fifteen21magazine All views are of the authors alone and not necessarily of those held by Fifteen21

Painting by artish Huda

Awad

www.hudaawad.com

of a family exposed to child sexual exploitation, the barriers of shame and honour explored by the NSPCC, a guide to best practice for mosques and community advocates by Imam Soleha Khawar Qari Asim and articles from leading activists and experts including Shaista Asalaam Alaykum Gohir and Siobhan Crosbie. There is in fact so much packed into this issue that Child sexual exploitation is an issue I would like to thank all the contributors more closer to home than we think, most on behalf of the team for stepping recently the UK has been rocked by forward and helping us bring out the allegations of a child sex abuse cover- issue of child sexual exploitation into up right at the heart of Westminster the open. and the likes of Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris, both household names I believe that as a community if we have been exposed as horrific sexual remain silent and do not tackle these predators who used their position to issues, we too become ‘complicit’ target and groom vulnerable victims. because it is only our collective silences that allow issues such as child sexual The veil of immunity awarded to them exploitation to thrive. We must do more due to their celebrity status was only for victims, speaking out for them is a torn apart when silences were broken, start. when their actions were exposed by brave survivors who had suffered I hope you all find this issue as decades of abuse, humiliation and guilt informative as I have and we as at the hands of these predators. communities and organisations can work together to end the immunity In this particular issue of Fifteen21, of perpetrators and provide better our articles include a raw account support for survivors.

Guest Editorial

Contents 6-9 10-11 12-19 20-23 24-25 26-29 30-31 32-33 34 35 36-39 40-42 43

Sexual Street Grooming Getting Help Tackling Sexual Violence Grooming & Prosecution Be Aware, Stay alert, keep safe!

Grooming: Is all what it seems?

PACE: Working with Parents Myths and Facts Dua: Taking Refuge Fifteen21 Unseen, Unknown, Hidden Is the Child Protection Model Working?

Muslim Youth Helpline

44-45 46 47 48-49 50 51 52 53 54-55 56-57 58-59 60

Are you a parent or a carer?

Nominate a Role Model!

In the Next Issue Unheard Voices: The Asian Victim Book Reviews: The Bunker Diary ChildLine Food for the Soul The Old Man and His Son Masjids Around The World Poetry: I Hate You (Letter to my Abuser) Recipes: Cheese and Chive Omelette National Events

You can find out further information about sexual exploitation and show your support at: www.barnardos.org.uk/cutthemfree.

to help highlight potential risks to them.

There are also a number of practical steps you can take to protect children such as: staying alert to changes in behaviour or any physical signs of abuse such as bruising Q being aware of new, unexplained gifts or possessions and carefully monitoring any episodes of staying out late or not returning home Q exercising caution around older friends your child may have, or relationships with other young people where there appears to be a power imbalance Q making sure you understand the risks associated with your child being online and putting measures in place to minimise these risks.

Q

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If you are concerned that a child is at risk of sexual exploitation, you may want to contact one of our specialist sexual exploitation projects for advice: www.barnardos.org.uk/ specialist_sexual_exploitation_projects.

If a child is in immediate danger, call 999 or contact your local police.

Help cut children and young people free from sexual exploitation

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www.barnardos.org.uk Head OďŹƒce Tanners Lane, Barkingside, Ilford, Essex IG6 1QG Tel: 020 8551 0011 Fax: 020 8551 8267 Barnardo’s Registered Charity Nos. 216250 and SC037605

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Sexual Street Grooming of Teenage Women The terrible incidents of sexual grooming that have brought shame to our society.

Unfortunately, the harrowing details and the grim saga of exploitation, perversion and torment look set to continue to dominate the public landscape for months and years to come.

The race and religion of the twisted criminals who engage in this abhorrent practice has been dragged into the debate. However, anyone applying even a small amount of common sense would know that the race or religion of those involved have nothing to do with their actions. No faith, in particular Islam, would ever condone such abhorrent actions and the violation of the dignity of other human beings, in particular defenceless young girls. Muslims have therefore strongly and unreservedly condemned the sexual grooming and exploitation of young girls by men,

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regardless of the religious or ethnic background of the perpetrators.

Asian Adult Men-v-Young White Girls One of the main themes pushed in the media in relation to the high-profile sex gang trafficking trials of Derby, Rochdale, Oxford and Birmingham is one of predominantly Pakistani, Muslim men taking advantage of young white girls. However, the focus on the race and religion of the twisted criminals is a distraction from the real issues.

A closer inspection of the wide spectrum of individuals involved in such crimes shows that the perpetrators in fact come from all backgrounds and all sections of society.

Islamic Perspective It is befitting to remind ourselves that sexual exploitation is a crime against

Allah (SWT). Islam promotes a strict moral code of conduct on men and forbids any sexual activity outside of marriage.

The Glorious Qur’an says: “And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse.

Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way.” (Qur’an 17: 32).

The obligation of safeguarding and protecting women from abuse and victimisation is exemplified in the following saying of Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him): “Take my advice with regard to women: Act kindly towards women (Bukhari & Muslim). The hadith refers to treating all “women” with respect, irrespective of their faith, colour or age.

In short, Islam obliges to be active in

ensuring the prevention and avoidance of any behaviour which can lead to inappropriate and unacceptable sexual behaviour and abuse of women.

Muslim Girls Exploited Research published by Muslim Women’s Network UK has revealed that Asian girls, in particular young Muslim girls, are being sexually exploited by Muslim men.

It is the blackmail connected with shame and dishonour that is often used by the perpetrators to control victims.

In February 2014, a harrowing report highlighted how rife grooming was within ethnic communities. An inquiry heard that during a horrific sex attack lasting six hours, a teenage girl was groomed and raped by up to 30 Asian men - including a father and his schoolboy son.

It is claimed that sexual exploitation and grooming of young Asian girls by men of

the same ethnic origin is happening under the noses of authorities. However, as young Muslim women are highly unlikely to disclose the atrocities being committed against them, families, community leaders, schools and authorities are all too ready to dismiss the attacks or even cover them up.

Honour V Dishonour It is alleged that the Muslim community would rather protect the so-called honour of the family and community by not encouraging victims of sexual exploitation to report the crimes against them. Similarly, if they are aware of the perpetrators of such heinous crimes, they protect the honour of the family of the offender by not reporting him to the relevant authorities. Such actions, in effect lead to, granting the offender with a “licence” to carry on committing such

sins, and failing to protect other girls, as well as failing to provide the victims the counselling and help they need. Silence of those who know of such gangs of men, who are exploiting young women across ethnicity, are helping those gangs to continue operating with impunity and further fueling sexual violence against girls and women.

Sometimes, there is denial in the Muslim community to face hard-hitting horrifying social issues and people try to be dismissive of such actions. This issue must not be swept under the carpet.

It is ironic that some Muslims have developed a sense of honour that is far removed from the fundamental teachings of Islam. The most honourable in the sight of Allah (SWT) is the most righteous irrespective of sex, tribe or colour. The Noble Qur’an states: “O mankind…

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indeed the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.

(Qur’an 49: 13).

Standing Up for Justice It is appropriate to remind the British Muslim community of its obligation to stand out firmly for justice in all matters.

The Glorious Qur’an states: “O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to God, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: For God can best protect both.

Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest you swerve, and if you distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily God is wellacquainted with all that you do.” (Qur’an 4: 135).

One of the ways to demonstrate that British Muslims are standing up for justice, following the sunnah of Prophet Muhammed (peace be upon him), is to 8

work with owners of businesses through which children and vulnerable young people have been known to come to the attention of potential perpetrators such as taxi offices and takeaways and similar establishments.

against such criminal harrowing crimes.

Mosques and Imams can only take such a leading role if the community empowers them and supports them to tackle this incredibly sensitive and important issue.

Imams and mosque staff should be trained to look out for and identify the Role of the Mosque signs that both perpetrators and victims Action against street grooming is required display that could help to identify the risk on a large scale from local communities early on. and national and local organisations to If a young boy or girl discloses any counter this threat of harm to our children. concerns of sexual grooming, the mosque Although it is not the sole responsibility staff should be equipped to signpost of mosques, mosques and Imams can victims to the appropriate agencies. take a lead role in raising awareness of Imams and teachers (ustadha/ustadh) such gross misconduct, that is affecting need to create such an environment, that our towns and cities. ‘Together Against young people feel confident in confiding Grooming’ was a fantastic initiative in an imam or ustadha. Community whereby hundreds of mosques around the leaders and mosque staff may be the country dedicated the Friday khutbah on only hope for some of the victims and 28th June 2014 to raise awareness of therefore they must listen to survivors this sickening issue. Such initiatives must with compassion and help them obtain continue. Faith leaders must speak out counselling for the terrible ordeal that

they have been through.

such horrific, terrible, sensitive and tragic incidents for “political” gain.

Protecting Vulnerability However, one key question that should Street grooming is an issue of power be raised amongst the Muslim community and opportunism verses vulnerability, as is how we can protect young vulnerable opposed to Muslim or Asian men verses women, irrespective of their faith, colour white girls or Asian men verses Asian and background and how we can prevent girls. In such event, it will never be wrong men joining sex gangs. to say that we have all failed to protect The Muslim community must show the vulnerable young girls and inspire leadership and be proactive in this issue. young men of this society to have a moral Having heard accounts on the suffering compass. The victims do not come from of the victims and the impact on their any one particular culture or community, families, doing nothing is not an option. and neither do the perpetrators.

Islam can be part of the solution to Various individuals have pointed the changing people’s perception of the finger at Islam as a religion, or the appropriate treatment of the vulnerable cultural values of Muslims of Pakistani in society and at the same time, providing backgrounds, as being to blame. Even spiritual and emotional strength to deal imams have been blamed for allegedly with their traumatic ordeal. fuelling a culture which promotes the idea that English girls are “fair game”. The blame game will undoubtedly carry on as there will always be people who exploit support us by joining our page on www.facebook.com/fifteen21magazine

Imam Qari Asim

Leeds Makkah Masjid

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Getting Help Sexual exploitation can happen to any young person regardless of where they live, how old they are, their sex or ethnic background. It is, to a great extent, a hidden problem and can often leave victims confused, frightened and reluctant to talk about what has happened to them.

the confidence to come forward to report abuse.

We know, from our day to day work, through our services such as ChildLine, that children and young people who have been sexually abused or exploited often say they feel ashamed about what has happened to them. This feeling can Sometimes young people are not even sometimes become more significant in aware they are experiencing abuse communities where family honour holds as the perpetrator has manipulated a pivotal role. For victims of any type of them into believing they are in a loving abuse, concerns about dishonouring their relationship, or that they are dependent family can prove to be an even greater on their abuser for protection. They may inhibitor to talking about their experience be coerced into sexual activity with the for fear of being viewed as ‘damaged’ perpetrators and feel trapped or unable by their family and community. to say no.

It is important to be clear that being However, the tide is turning and exploited for sex is not a choice. It campaigners are working hard to raise takes great courage to come forward awareness of this abhorrent crime. Due and report abuse of any kind and to the recent spate of high profile child young people should never be afraid abuse cases and increasing attention or ashamed of speaking out. No from the media, more people are finding matter what the context, being forced,

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persuaded or tricked into letting someone else use their body for sexual gratification is never acceptable or the victim’s ‘fault’.

and therapeutic support, reducing young people’s vulnerability and securing a safer environment and a more stable lifestyle for them over time.

There are always people and organisations that young people can turn to for help and advice - such as ChildLine, the NSPCC or trusted adults such as teachers.

ChildLine is the UK’s free, 24-hour helpline and online service for children in danger or distress. Children and young people can contact ChildLine 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on 0800 1111 and at www.childline.org.uk

Many young people have told the NSPCC that they feel confused and upset about what has happened to them and that having the chance to talk about their feelings really helps.

The NSPCC’s helpline service is for adults who are concerned about a child. If you have concerns about a child or young person, you can call the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000, text 88858 One of the services we provide is Protect or visit www.nspcc.org.uk and Respect which runs in ten locations across the UK and is aimed at young people aged 11-19 years who are Dr Ash Chand vulnerable to sexual exploitation or who have been sexually exploited. Specially Head of minority ethnic trained NSPCC staff offer a tailored children at the NSPCC programme of one-to-one, group work

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Grooming

By Alyas Karmani

By tackling the issue of sexual violence in the UK Muslim community I am in no way assuming that it is endemic behaviour that is sanctioned and supported by any Islamic teaching. Rather it is evident that this is reprehensible and explicitly forbidden and the core teaching of Islam is to protect and safeguard women from all forms of violence.

The believers, men and women, are Auliya (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another 9:71 Islam also promotes a strict moral code of conduct on men that is to be reflected in 12

Tackling Sexual Violence in the Muslim Community

chastity, modesty, fidelity and And come not near to the the forbiddance of any sexual unlawful sexual intercourse. activity outside of marriage Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. and the active prevention and anything that transgresses its avoidance of any behaviour limits (a great sin)], and an evil which can lead to inappropriate way. and unacceptable sexual 17:32 behaviour and indecency (fahisha): The concept of prevention is better than cure is reflected in the injunctions in the Quranic verse below: Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal Verily, Allah enjoins justice and sexual acts, etc.). excellence giving assistance That is purer for them. Verily, and support to your family All창h is and forbids sexual indecency, All-Aware of what they do. wickedness and oppression of 24:30 others He admonishes you, that you may take heed.

16:90

Not only are we to enjoin the best and most morally upright character and enable it to be implemented amongst individuals and society but we are also required to actively prevent anything which obstructs this in particular indecency and oppressive behaviour. Clearly this includes opposing all forms of oppressive violence including sexual violence. Hence one can say for Muslims to take a stand against sexual violence and tackle its roots and promote Islamic values is a Jihad (struggle) that is most worthy for the development of society as a whole.

When we talk about Sexual Violence we are referring to any sexual act or attempted

sexual act that is forced, against someone’s will as a way of dominating, disempowering, punishing, controlling, humiliating and degrading others; predominantly women.

It includes exploitation and trafficking and is regardless of the relation of the perpetrator to the victim or where it occurs; it can be physical, verbal, psychological and emotional.

Rape is the commonest form and we recognise that this occurs in a variety of ways that are all underpinned by the need of the perpetrator/s to exert their power and control over their victim. The World Health Organisation similarly defines sexual violence as: Any sexual act, attempt to obtain a sexual act, unwanted sexual comments or advances, or acts to traffic, or otherwise directed, against a person’s sexuality using coercion, by

any person regardless of their relationship to the victim, in any setting, including but not limited to home and work World Health Organization, World report on violence and health (Geneva: World Health Organization, 2002) Within the Sharia (Islamic Law) Rape is also seen as reprehensible and to be treated with the most severe of punishments: The Arabic word Ightisaab refers to taking something wrongfully by force. It is now used exclusively to refer to transgression against the honour of women by force (rape). This is an abhorrent crime that is forbidden in all religions and in the minds of all wise people and those who are possessed of sound human nature. All earthly systems and laws regard this action as abhorrent and impose

the strictest penalties on it. We do not know of any love or compassion that could exist between the aggressor and his victim, especially since the pain of rape cannot be erased with the passage of time. Islam has a clear stance which states that this repugnant action is haram (prohibited) and imposes a deterrent punishment on the one who commits it. Islam closes the door to the criminal who wants to commit this crime. (Sheikh Al Munajjid, Fatwa 73228 http:// www.islam-qa.com/en/)

violates the fundamental rights of women that Islam affords them; of interest I found that Amnesty International similarly defined violence against women: It is a violation of women’s fundamental human rights, including the right to life; the right to health and physical and mental integrity; and the right to be free from torture, inhumane and degrading treatment.

‘Any act of gender-based Furthermore the five core violence that results in, or is Maqsid (Objectives) of Islam likely to result in, physical, and the Sharia are: sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including 1. Protection of Life threats of such acts, coercion or 2. Protection of Faith arbitrary deprivation of liberty, 3. Protection of Family/Lineage whether occurring in public or in 4. Protection of Intellect/Sanity private life.’

5. Protection of Property (http://www.amnesty.org.uk) Hence sexual violence clearly

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Regrettably there have been 13

cases of sexual violence in the UK Muslim community and my view is that one case of rape and sexual abuse would be too many however there is a worrying pattern of increased numbers of cases across the UK in localities which have a high percentage Muslim population. What is even more demeaning for the community as a whole is that some of this violence has been perpetuated by individuals claiming to be practicing and observant Muslims and even more disgracefully by individuals who are Imams who committed their abhorrent acts in the Mosque on vulnerable children under their care.

Yes we could say these cases are one off’s but equally we cannot live in denial; the same denial we had in relation to drug dealing and drug abuse issues in sections of the Muslim

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community across the UK which have now become commonplace and reflected in the wildly disproportionate numbers of Muslims in the criminal justice system for drug related crime; again sadly some convicted individuals have been so called practicing Muslims who have used a distorted and corrupted understanding of Islam to justify their criminality and drug dealing. I recall one convicted individual justifying his actions to me by saying “I only sell to Kuffar (Non Muslims)”; he was completely oblivious to the social destruction, family breakup and moral decline he was causing across the whole of society as well as the negative impact on the Muslim community.

Furthermore nothing from the teaching of Islam can legitimise oppressive and harmful treatment of non-Muslims in this way.

I ask can we remain in denial of the worrying trend of increased sexual violence in the Muslim community; certainly I have decided to proactively address the issue from its root causes as the objective of the sharia is: Prevention is better than cure I was prompted to act on the issue after two high profile cases that featured on front pages and TV news across the UK in the previous four years: • Stoke-on-Trent imam guilty of sexually abusing boys: A Muslim cleric has been found guilty of sexually assaulting two boys at a mosque in Stoke-onTrent, 1st Feb 2011, BBC Online

mosque for religious lessons, a court heard today. Mohammed Hanif Khan, 42, is alleged to have sexually assaulted the boy, who was 12 years old at the time, inside the mosque on Capper Street, Stoke on Trent, where he was employed as the Imam. He is also charged with the attempted rape of and sexual activity with the boy’s cousin, who was 15 at the time, as he stayed over at his home one evening. (The Independent 12 January 2011)

• Youngest Rapist in BritainBalal Khan - thought to be one of the youngest convicted rapists in Britain - targeted the 20-year-old as she walked home. He subjected her to a severe beating then screamed • Muslim worship leader ‘raped at her ‘Do what I say or I’ll kill boy at mosque’- A Muslim you’, before putting her through worship leader allegedly raped the ordeal of a terrifying sex a young boy on numerous attack. He punched and kicked occasions as he attended a her as she lay on the ground

before raping her. (Metro 26th January 2010) • Balal Khan - thought to be one of the youngest convicted rapists in Britain - targeted the 20-year-old as she walked home. He subjected her to a severe beating then screamed at her ‘Do what I say or I’ll kill you’, before putting her through the ordeal of a terrifying sex attack. (Daily Mail Jan 2010)

upbringing, that led him to think that women are second-class people whose rights can be trampled over like this?’ (28th January 2010 Daily Mail)

Let me reaffirm that by highlighting these cases I am in no way saying this behaviour is endemic in the Muslim community in the UK but let’s be honest and not live in denial; in my interaction with Muslims across the UK many Muslims I • A Tory MP was plunged into a talk to have some knowledge race row after he accused some of abuse and sexual violence ethnic communities of importing cases like these and are aware ‘barbaric and medieval’ views of similar incidents in their about women into Britain. communities and many cases David Davies, a member of sexual violence perpetrated of the Home Affairs select against Muslim women and girls. committee, was accused of a Of course no one wants to talk ‘crass misunderstanding’ of the about the elephant in the room issues after his comments over but surely even if there was just a rape by 13-year-old Asian one case a year this is one case Balal Khan: ‘What is it about too many. The reality is that this young man’s upbringing... there is more than just one case his community or his parental and just in the last month I have

personally identified three cases of Muslims being convicted for sexual violence and offences in West Yorkshire; these are just the ones I have become aware of, maybe there are more?

For a community that prides itself on its moral values where chastity, fidelity, and modesty are core Islamic values and behaviours, we need to protect and preserve this by challenging anything which threatens this. It is also imperative on us to represent the true message of Islam and the way of life it promotes by sending the unequivocal message that sexual violence has no place in Islam and can never be justified by any Muslim.

Reading these headlines I am sure I mirror the views of the whole of the Muslim community in how abhorrent these cases

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are and why did this happen and how could this have been prevented?

For the names Mohammed and Balal to be associated with such despicable crimes; dishonouring these noble names as well as destroying the lives of their victims, their families and the Muslim community in the UK as a whole.

How could an Imam who has a privileged position of trust and respect in the community completely abuse this and commit such heinous acts and worse still in the Mosque and on children in his care.

Such acts not only reinforce distorted misconceptions in the mainstream community but also disillusion many amongst the Muslim community who lose their confidence and trust in the institution of the Imam and Mosque. I don’t know how many

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times I have spoken to young Muslims who want nothing to do with the Mosque and Imam’s because of the generally negative experience they had of going to the Mosque as children (I don’t mean abuse).

When I ask them ‘would you go to an Imam for advice’ they don’t hesitate in saying ‘no way’ when the reality is the Imams role is to safeguard, nurture and sincerely advise their flock and provide pastoral care and support.

What has happened to this 13 year old that he could rape a women and evidently not seem disturbed about it but rather brag to his friends; what kind of parenting, education and socialisation has he had and why didn’t his inner voice, his conscience and morality kick in and make it evident to him his actions are wrong. I could understand it if Balal was off

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his head on drugs or had been the victim of perverse abuse himself, this does not excuse his behaviour but gives us some explanation. However this was not the case with Balal who appears to have come from an average Asian family and his image over the front pages that day didn’t show a monster but an average looking Asian teenager (http:// www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ article-1246195/Boy-13raped-woman-friends-jailedjust-years.html).

Similarly when Jack Straw made comments relating to a predominantly Pakistani male sexual grooming ring in Derby that they saw ‘white girls as easy meat’ and there were cultural factors that caused their behaviour we all felt this was out of order. However we must ask ourselves what we have done to send out the strong clear message that sexual violence is unacceptable in the Muslim community and the Islamic imperative is one which protects and safeguards women from abuse, violence, sexual Relating to David Davies’ grooming and prevents the risk comments; yes we are outraged factors that cause this. This when a non-Muslim generalises is reinforced in the following about the Muslim community ahadeeth (traditions) from the as a whole and reinforces Prophet Muhammad (Peace be the misconception that Islam upon him): oppresses women and somehow this is sanctioned by Islamic Abu Hurairah (May Allah be practice when this could not be pleased with him) reported: The further from the truth and the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: reality of what Islam teaches.

“Take my advice with regard

to women: Act kindly towards women (Bukhari & Muslim) Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behaviour, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives” (At Tirmidhi)

Abu Shuraih Khuwailid bin ‘Amr Al-Khuza’i (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (PBUH) said, “O Allah, I declare inviolable the rights of two weak ones: the orphans and women”. (An Nasa’i) What kind of a society is it that cannot protect women, daughters, sisters, mothers,

aunties and elders; in Islam we recognise that a woman is the mother of her nation and if she is not safeguarded then the whole nation is violated. By extension the distorted notion that somehow ‘other women’ are lesser and not as deserving of protection has no basis in Islam. All women are to be seen equally and afforded the same protection and we cannot dehumanise and discriminate one group of women to the exclusion of others.

We have also allowed oversexualisation and spread of violent pornography to occur in our communities and families and as a result corrupt and destabilise Muslim societies. I call this the ‘P- Bomb’; the porn bomb which landed through social media, satellite TV and the Internet and has decimated the social fabric of socially conservative Islamic societies, kills modesty (haya) and chastity and corrupts the fitra (pure natural inclination) of our youth.

lewdness, sexual harassment, infidelity and adultery are on the increase in the Muslim community. Behaviour and actions that many would conceal and hide due to embarrassment and shame ten years ago are now being practiced openly and with a disregard to how they are seen by the community and before Allah (SWT). Muslims are also becoming increasingly vulnerable to the risk factors that lead to sexual violence and these risks and vulnerabilities are more apparent and Tip of the Iceberg increasingly threatening Muslim I feel like many that what communities and so we cannot If we are honest as a community we are seeing in terms of be complacent in thinking these we must realise that the issue convictions and arrests for issues do not affect the Muslim of sexual violence is a reality sexual violence in the UK is community; it is precisely this in the Muslim community and just the tip of the iceberg in denial which has caused this across the Muslim world. We terms of sexually inappropriate proliferation in the first place. must analyse the reasons why behaviour and conduct in the and inevitably they are because Muslim community. The reality Are we reaping decades of we have gone away from our is that sex outside of marriage; neglect in terms of facing up to deen and practicing what Islam STI’s, abortions, unwanted the challenges of nurturing and requires us to do in terms of pregnancies, sexual dysfunction, protecting our communities from our moral and social conduct. support us by joining our page on www.facebook.com/fifteen21magazine

this assault and at what point are we going to respond to the challenge of protecting the community from these threats that undermine our identity and way of life? The first part of this is to recognise the problem and then to face it head on with wisdom, knowledge and insight.

Abandoning the Practice of Islam Fundamental to any approach which addresses sexual violence is to return people to the practice of Islam and correct any distortions and corruption they have through an Islamic framework. Even socalled practicing Muslims have succumbed to sexual dysfunction and sexual violence due to the pervasive nature of these issues and this is why following Islam comprehensively and completely is critical and this requires development of the Islamic creed and firm belief, 17

Islamic practice and pure and sincere Islamic character and adhab (manners) which requires the soul to be purified and the desires to be conquered.

The Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi wa sallam said: “The only reason I have been sent is to perfect good manners.”

O you who believe! Enter perfectly in Islam (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion) and follow not the footsteps of Satan.

Verily!

He is to you a plain enemy.

(Qur’an 2:208)

Establish the prayer (five

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daily salat) Verily the prayer prevents from sexual indecency and transgression and the remembering of Allah is greater indeed and Allah knows what you do.

(Qur’an 29:45) Islam provides us a comprehensive solution to life’s challenges and it is required for us is to infuse and promote this conduct amongst the Muslims and thereby enjoin the greater good in society as a whole.

Denial, Stigma and Taboo Tackling issues that threaten the core values and morals of the community cannot be something we perceive as a taboo and stigmatise; rather they have to be faced head on. Islam addresses all issues with clear Basserah (Insight, Wisdom and Guidance). Islam is not prudish but mature, upfront and open to

discuss all issues. We shouldn’t shy away from addressing any issue but must recognise there is an appropriate manner and conduct and as the Messenger said:

Islam is a complete way of life perfected by Allah (SWT) and being holistic deals with every aspect of the life of a human and provides comprehensive guidance.

There is no shyness in seeking knowledge And We have sent down to Where the seeking of beneficial you the Book (the Qur’an) as knowledge elevates the faith an exposition of everything, a and piety of a Muslim then to guidance, a mercy, and glad be shy and reframe due to tidings for those who have sensibility from seeking that submitted themselves (to Allah knowledge and guidance can as Muslims) be sinful.

(Qur’an 16:89) Furthermore removing harm and oppression (dhulm) from society is an Islamic imperative and should not be prevented because some wrongly perceive discussion on sexual issues as a taboo or are in denial of the issues for fear that they may expose even more abuse in the community some of which may be too close to home.

O you who believe! Enter into Islam perfectly (by obeying all the rules and regulations of the Islamic religion) (Qur’an 2:208) Abu Hurayrah (May Allah be pleased with Him) relates the Messenger of Allah said;

The best speech is the speech of prompted me to develop and Allah and best guidance is that deliver our ground breaking of Muhammad workshop programme with young people at risk of sexual violence in London and West And whatsoever the Messenger Yorkshire as well as send out a (Muhammad) gives you, take it, strong and clear message that and whatsoever he forbids you, sexual violence in all its forms is abstain (from it) (Qur’an 59:7) unacceptable and needs to be vigorously challenged by the community.

Indeed in the Messenger of Allah (Muhammad ) you have a Our workshops are unique in good example to follow for him that they address challenging who hopes in (the Meeting with) Sex and Relationship Education Allah and the Last Day and (SRE) issues with groups that remembers Allah much. (Qur’an are perceived by many as 33:21) ‘hard to reach’ and ‘socially conservative’ where SRE issues Way Forward are seen as a taboo issue which are rarely addressed in an Like the vast majority of people open and uninhibited forum. of Muslim background I was deeply outraged and appalled We create an emotionally safe by the high profile stories space for young people to about child sexual exploitation explore SRE issues facilitated and sexual violence that have by experienced counsellors and been perpetrated by men of mentors who have an in-depth Pakistani Muslim origin. This

understanding of the lived reality of young people, issues at the street level as regards ‘at risk’ behaviour, an ability to connect with young people through motivational workshop resources and materials and a deep understanding of cultural and Islamic sensitivity.

Through this approach we have demonstrated that our SRE workshops have had a direct impact on challenging negative ‘at risk’ behaviour, developing resilience to sexual violence and developing positive attitudes and behaviours relating to sex and relationship issues.

Our workshop on sexual violence and street grooming addresses the following: • To establish a clear and strong message of the unacceptability of sexual violence and how to be resilient to it and how to challenge it in society • How to develop positive,

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caring, emotionally supportive and protective relationships with women • Developing self esteem to challenge peer pressure and negative social influences • To explain what is sexual violence and what the moral, legal and social implications of it are • The reasons why sexual violence occurs • The forms of sexual violence • Focussing on rape and the forms rape takes such as date rape, statutory rape and gang rape • The impact of sexual violence on victims For further information please contact Alyas Karmani, Bradford a_karmani@streetonline.org

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Grooming & Prosecution

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Grooming, what is this? Grooming is a form of manipulation to achieve the end result for the perpetrator. It is using language to encourage another to believe certain things without the agenda of the grooming being revealed, but inevitably resulting in some form of abuse.

we wouldn’t be allowed to have the relationship we are having’. This often forms anger in relation to ‘the overall parent’ and is a displacement for the anger not being directed at the abuser themselves. Another example could be

Often people in domestic violence situations are groomed to believe the violence is their fault. Children are often groomed by sex offenders and they are groomed easily due to their vulnerability, their desire to please and be liked by individuals. I have worked with many an individual that has been groomed to believe they are ultimately responsible ‘You make me do this to you’, or ‘if you for the emotional, physical and sexual don’t behave yourself you will have to trauma that they have suffered. be punished’. There are ultimately two forms of grooming, negative which is Religion is, and can often be used in by intimidation and fear, or positive, grooming; ‘This is Allah’s will, if Allah did stroking the ego to make the individual not want you to be treated as special, feel special.

Having worked with young Muslim females it has come to my attention that often the Qur’an is used within the grooming and consistently reminding the victim that this is ‘Allah’s will’. The repercussions I have witnessed have often involved the knowledge of the whole family being aware that the abuse is taking place, but no one taking action leaving the victim believing that what is happening must be acceptable as the family are allowing it to happen.

This can result in serious weight issues, often food being the only thing the individual can control and therefore result in anorexia or serious self harm or even suicide. The family can alienate the victim further reinforcing the belief that they are to blame for the abuse, creating further shame, isolation, depression and severe anxiety. This I have found to be particularly common where cultural/religious dynamics are very strong.

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The individual being groomed often is filled with shame, guilt and responsibility; these feelings make it difficult to confide in another and bringing these situations to a prosecution very difficult.

Without time spent on teaching the individual to trust again, to accept and recognise the grooming was not their fault, it can be problematic for the individual to confide in someone in authority. It is also important to recognise that not talking about it can be the only thing left that the individual feels they have control over.

Rationally by informing the authorities the individual feels at risk of being judged when actually they are often still judging themselves, the police will take control of the situation, rightly so, but this often is done in a way that the victim loses all control of what happens next. The shame, fear and self-blame often means the victim simply doesn’t

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feel strong enough to deal with the consequences of what will happen in a judicial sense. This is why they need a huge amount of support from family, friends and the community.

in relation to the grooming, and finally risking seeing the perpetrator.

Overall, in my opinion the Crown Prosecution Service should create an organisation that is purely there for the victims of abuse, domestic violence, sexual or physical abuse and allow the individual to have absolute control over the situation. Firstly that by reporting the incident to the police does not necessarily mean an instant arrest unless the individual requests this, that they have the ultimate choice as to where the situation goes, that they are allowed to get to know the officers within this organisation and that over a period of work with therapists, police Imagine after sustaining a long period officers and crown prosecution staff that of trauma at the hands of any individual relationships are built up around trust and then having to stand in front of and understanding. Clarity over the numerous people in court sharing your prosecution and no visual contact with own trauma, being cross examined, the perpetrator in court is crucial and emotionally, in a sense re-living the that the individual gives their evidence experience to total strangers and with support alongside them, always by explaining graphic details of the abuse video.

By having a separate organisation attached to the police (under a different name) which also includes trained therapists answering the phones, will not be as daunting. Knowing that the person taking the information is not instantly taking control and knowing the initial call is simply to talk about what has happened, what is happening and for the trained individual taking the call to simply be there in a supportive capacity rather than a legal capacity might enable victims to feel more confident in coming forward.

suffered abuse and allow them to have appropriate support, understanding and therapy otherwise society will still hide the individuals suffering from abuse and perpetrators will still escape prosecution.

Siobhain Crosbie

www.apspsychotherapyandcounselling.co.uk

It is important to add that all of the above applied to adult situations. For a child reporting an incident it should be taken out of the child’s control as the child is not meant to have to deal with this situation in any way.

The individual must have as much control as is possible working alongside professionals, willing to take the time and energy to work with people having

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So be aware, stay alert and keep safe – use our top tips to protect yourself from exploitation.

Three top tips to keep safe

1 2

Trust yourself to know when something is wrong. If someone makes you feel unsafe, pressured or frightened, follow your instincts and seek help.

Don’t trust people you don’t know, even if they seem friendly – and make sure you know who you are talking to online. Never give away personal details or agree to meet someone who you have only talked to online.

Be aware, stay alert, keep safe!

If you are worried about a situation that you or a friend is in, talk to an adult that you trust as soon as you can. People who can help you include teachers, parents, carers and social workers.

You may also want to contact one of Barnardo’s specialist sexual exploitation projects for advice, or to talk to someone about what you’ve been through:

How to keep you and your friends safe from exploitation

www.barnardos.org.uk/specialist_ sexual_exploitation_projects If you, or a friend, are in immediate danger or want urgent help, call 999 or contact your local police.

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Don’t be tricked into doing things that are unsafe, even if they seem like fun. What might look exciting at first could be more dangerous than you realise.

Keep safe

www.barnardos.org.uk Head Office Tanners Lane, Barkingside, Ilford, Essex IG6 1QG Tel: 020 8551 0011 Fax: 020 8551 8267 Barnardo’s Registered Charity Nos. 216250 and SC037605

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13873ka11

Think about all your different relationships.

They could be with close friends, a boyfriend or girlfriend – and maybe groups of friends from school or the area you live in.

As we grow up, we develop relationships with lots of different people. It’s how we learn to enjoy healthy relationships, and that’s a great skill to have.

But things can go wrong along the way, and people might try to take advantage of you, forcing you into dangerous situations before you know it.

That’s why you need to be aware of warning signs that someone may want to exploit you – and to be very careful who you trust.

Sexual exploitation – how much do you know?

Who can you trust?

It’s not always easy to tell.

Sexual exploitation can be hard to recognise because you often believe you’re in a good relationship with the person – or people – who want to abuse your trust in them.

Sexual exploitation can happen to you, no matter what your gender, age or background – so you need to be careful who you trust.

It could be a friend, or group of friends. It could be someone you think of as a boyfriend or girlfriend. It could be a person or a new group of people you’ve only just got to know.

It could be someone you’ve talked to online.

And that means looking out for warning signs that someone might want to take advantage of you, whether you’ve recently met them or they belong to an existing group of friends.

But whoever it is, they could use clever ways to take advantage of your relationship – and that means you can be harmed almost before you know what’s going on. For example, someone might give you money, drugs, alcohol, gifts or somewhere to stay and then force you to do one or more of these things in return: Q Have sex with them Q Do something sexual to them Q Be touched inappropriately, in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable Q Look at sexual images – including films or pictures Q Watch them do something sexual, including having sex or touching themselves sexually.

One warning sign is when someone tries to get to know you better by giving you lots of attention and making you feel really special.

They might buy you gifts or involve you in activities that seem exciting or fun.

That’s why it’s so important to look out for the warning signs that someone’s behaviour towards you may not be all it seems.

It becomes a problem if that person starts to try ways of controlling you, such as making promises they can’t keep, threatening you, or even becoming violent if you don’t do what they want.

They might also try and isolate you from your friends, family and other people who care for you. When that happens, it’s easier for an abuser to put you in dangerous situations or force you to do things you don’t want to do – with them or other people they know.

That’s not doing you a favour – that’s exploitation.

Sadly, individuals who have fewer people looking out for them are even more vulnerable to sexual exploitation.

Jessica was one of them.

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Jessica’s Story ‘My mum wasn’t around any more, my dad was drinking and my sister was skipping school. I was 15 and got involved with a group of friends outside school – they were older. At first I thought it was really cool to have older friends, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it – they were drinking and there was a lot of drugs around.

‘I thought, if they were doing it – then it must be okay. There was a lot of peer pressure to get involved. But nothing told me it was wrong. Anyway, at first it was okay – I could get the money from my dad. But after a couple of weeks, I was getting hooked and there wasn’t enough money.

‘My new friends said that it was fine and introduced me to a new male friend.

They said he fancied me, they said that I should go out with him. I didn’t realise what was happening – I was being set up. After I had slept with him – I realised that I’d been used but it was too late, I was hooked on drugs. The need and the want became more and more.’

Barnardo’s now works with Jessica to help her recover her confidence and break free from the cycle of abuse.

But her story shows how difficulties at home and the excitement of older ‘friends’ meant she was quickly drawn into an abusive situation.

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?

Grooming

Is all what it seems?

Here at BLAST we work with young people across Leeds and Bradford to try to help them keep safe. As a young person, we’re sure you have people banging on at you all of the time about things you should and shouldn’t be doing. We try not to bang on at BLAST as firstly you probably wouldn’t listen anyway and secondly, nagging bores us.

Relationships seem to be one of the things that have always and continue to be a cause of much stress for teens and adults alike. How do we get it right? Where do we start? Relationship ups and downs are a normal part of every-day life but when do ups and downs become something more worrying that could maybe harm you?

If you’re in a relationship new or old, there are some things you can do to keep yourself safe. One thing to remember is if things don’t feel right, they’re probably

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not. Listen to your body. It will give you what we call Early Warning Signs. Do your palms feel sweaty? Is your heart beating faster? Are you getting shivers? Do you have butterflies? All of these things can happen if you’re really excited but if you’re feeling uneasy as well, as then this could be your body’s way of telling you you’re in danger. Being with someone we really like can be a fab feeling but if that feeling turns from fab to fear, have a think about how safe you really are.

No one ever thinks that someone they are about to start a relationship with wants to hurt them but the sad fact is some people do want to hurt others for lots of different reasons. Being young doesn’t mean you’re stupid or an easy target, but some people will think that you are.

Grooming happens when an adult (usually but can be another young person sometimes) wants to get you to

do something that they want – normally sexual. Groomers can be men or women, young or old, ugly or good looking and are very clever. The sexual thing can involve you and them, you or someone else, images of you or you watching other people.

Firstly groomers target young people and try to gain your trust. They might give you gifts, be nice to you or compliment you.

Secondly, they try to become your friend.

This involves making you feel special and like only they understand you. They might say things like “Only I understand you,” or even “Only you understand me.” You might be given gifts, be worried if it’s a mobile phone, this just means they can keep in touch with you whenever they want and then control you. They’ll probably want to spend lots of time with you and though this might feel nice, always ask yourself: “What does this person want from me?”

They’ll probably listen to you and keep your secrets but be careful they could use these things against you at a later date.

They might offer to protect you if you’re in danger and could even touch you then pretend like it was an accident.

Next when you’re friends, the relationship could change again to what is called a loving relationship. Here the groomer could pretend to be your boyfriend or girlfriend or even your best friend. They

might try to have a sexual relationship with you or take you to places where you would have fewer clothes on like swimming or the gym. Sometimes they could give you drugs or alcohol or take you to adult places like bars. They could even show you sexual images (pornography). Groomers at this point may give you confusing messages.

They will be nice one minute and nasty the next.

Lastly they will get you to do what it is they want. They might do this by threatening you, begging or making you feel ashamed. They might bribe you or threaten to tell secrets that you told them before. They could hurt you physically or sexually or force you into doing stuff that you don’t want to. Sometimes they will use drugs or alcohol to get you so smashed that you don’t know what’s going on.

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At BLAST, we know it’s hard to talk face to face sometimes, so you can talk to us on Facebook or you can text or email us. We work with lots of young people every year who are going through the things mentioned in this article and we will listen without judging you.

On Facebook search for “Blastboys Mesmac”. Add us as a friend. We’ll never contact you until you contact us. We’re online for a chat every Wednesday and Thursday between 6pm and 8pm. You can message us any time.

Or you can ring or text: Phil 07921372896 or Cheryl 07407761569 and we can put you in touch with organisations outside of Yorkshire too.

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Grooming

Remember if you think any of these things are happening to you, there are people who can help. Even if you’re not sure – get in touch and talk it through with someone.

1) If an older adult wants to be your friend suddenly, always ask yourself why does this adult want to be friends with a young person?

2) Never give your personal details out to people you don’t know.

3) Make sure your privacy settings on social networking sites are set to high and that you know EVERY SINGLE ONE of your friends.

4) Think before posting or sending an image of yourself anywhere!

Strategies to keep safe

5) Always make sure you have enough money to get home safely.

6) If you meet someone you don’t really know, make sure it’s in a public place or even better, bring a friend.

7) Make sure you memorise contact details of safe people who could help you if you were in trouble, always have credit on your phone.

8) Always speak to your friends or trusted adult if you’re worried about something.

9) If you feel you can’t say no, are you really in a safe situation?

10) If something feels wrong, it probably is – listen to yourself!

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Work of PACE

PACE’s work with Parents of Sexually Exploited Children “Twenty-five years on since she met him her life involved physical and mental torture, abuse, violence, sense of guilt and drugs.” (Parent) The last few weeks of reporting about the Rochdale case has lead to intense media coverage. This is the case where nine men were found guilty of grooming girls for sex.

Myth Busting One assumption is that the children and young people who are being groomed for sex come from chaotic homes where the parents neglect or even abuse their children. In fact any child from any background can be groomed. Parents from caring and loving homes come to PACE desperate to find ways to stop the abuse and get the authorities to take action to help them protect their children.

The abuse leads to massive disruption and violence in the home with breakdown in family relations, immense stress and loss of sleep and good health, and this in turn can lead to loss of jobs and income.

Another assumption is that most children come from care, yet statistics show that

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only around 20 per cent of children who are abused live in care, the remaining 80 per cent still live at home with their families. This is the time that young people end up in care because the disruption and violence they bring to their family causes the parents to place their child in care because they can no longer cope.

Thirdly, there is the myth that this is a crime led by Asian men of Pakistani heritage, and that they are targeting white girls.

Most children are groomed online and the majority of these offenders are lone white men. However men of Pakistani heritage are over represented, in that the percentage of Asian men being prosecuted is higher than the percentage of Asian community living in the UK. Also it is not just white girls that are targeted but also girls from Asian families. Out of the 100 families we currently support, 5 are from Asian backgrounds.

“We tried locking her in, but she would climb out the window. We took her away to stay with a relative in another country.

After 9 months away, she came back home and was with these men again”. (Parent)

PACE, the Coalition for the Removal of Pimping, was set up and is led by parents whose children have been lured into a world where they are being controlled, sold and sexually exploited by individuals and organised criminal gangs. PACE is unique; no other national organisation supports the parents; most organisations work with the abused young person, not recognising that parents also need support, information and advice and that their involvement improves the chances of prosecuting the offenders and helping the child to recover.

“The police would find our daughter dumped by these men all over the place and in various towns. She was once left on the hard shoulder of a motorway. She had been drugged and passed around a group of men. She had absolutely no concept of who she was.” (Parent) Impact on Family Life Parents contact PACE at their wits end, feeling desperate, isolated and blamed by those around them for what is going on for events that are beyond their control.

• The affected child can be violent, out of control, in trouble with the police, truanting, and often goes missing from home for hours, days and several weeks or even months.

• Huge strain can be put on marriages / partnerships: some perpetrators tell the child to say she is being sexually interfered with by her father or mother’s partner, leading to time-consuming investigations away from the perpetrator, creating mistrust and recriminations and marriage breakdown in some instances.

• There can be great difficulty in providing a ‘normal’ home for other children, who become extremely affected by what is going on, and are sometimes even groomed and targeted as well.

• The consequences to both the child and the family are long term; the terrible • The perpetrators are highly manipulative, tragedy is that many children never fully and they set out to maximise their control recover and often end up in abusive over the child by isolating them from relationships as adults. those who love and protect them, i.e. from their friends and family, and from their “Mum, he’s brainwashed me, so that parents or main carers in particular. The I cannot leave him ever. I am like his consequence is the breakdown in relations possession.” (Parent) between parent and child.

Warning Signs

What we do to help

Many of these signs are normal teenage rebellion, but put together, they indicate that exploitation may be occurring.

• PACE offers confidential and non judgemental support

• We inform parents about child sexual • Mood changes – becoming secretive and exploitation so they can better understand withdrawn or argumentative, violent and the pressures on their child aggressive to parents and siblings too • We advise on which authorities to notify and provide advocacy support with those agencies where this is needed

• New style of dress/hairstyle/make-up • New possessions not bought by the family – mobile phones, jewellery, clothes

• Most of our support is by phone but we can provide some parents with face-toface support from a local befriending volunteer who we train and supervise to ensure their intervention is helpful

• Mobile phone – constantly texting and rushing out at all hours when called • Telling lies and evading questions asking her where she is going

• We enable parents to meet other affected parents by inviting parents to our bi-annual national parent network days

• Picked up in cars by men not known to the family

• We equip parents to talk about • Going missing – for hours, overnight, and their experiences at training seminars, days at a time conferences and talking to the press in order to help raise awareness • Truanting from school • Excessive drink and drug use • Turning to crime, including thieving from her family “For a long time, I couldn’t understand why my daughter kept going back. But then I understood. It was the drugs. They started her off on weed, then ecstasy, then crack cocaine. That was her journey in 0 – 12 months.” (Parent)

A Parent’s Story “Before my daughter was exploited, our family was a very normal, functioning, loving family that laughed, cried, joked, played and worked very well together. Then my daughter began to slip away from me.

She was going missing from anywhere between a day and up to three weeks at a time. Her moods, her attitudes, the respect that she would always show me just disappeared. She was persistently lying about her whereabouts or who she was in touch with. She would often come home with new gifts, clothes, mobile phones. She got really heavy into drinking and smoking and taking other substances, as well as persistently truanting from school. Also my daughter had been assaulting me. I’ve had people come to my house demanding money that my daughter supposedly owed them for the damage that she’s caused to their properties for drugs that she’s buying from them. On regular occasions I’ve had my money stolen from me and items going missing from the house to be sold for her to get money to buy drugs. My house keys have been stolen. I’ve had to change locks. On a number of occasions I’ve been burgled.

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The true cost of sexual exploitation can NOT be under-estimated. Destruction to our family life and the impact on our health and well-being has been truly unbelievable.”

(Parent) Gill Gibbons PACE: www.paceuk.info Tel: 0113 240 3040

Work of PACE PACE, the Coalition for the Removal of Pimping, was set up and is led by parents whose children have been lured into a world where they are being controlled, sold and sexually exploited by individuals and organised criminal gangs. PACE is unique; no other national organisation supports the parents; most organisations work with the abused young person, not recognising that parents also need support, information and advice and that their involvement improves the chances of prosecuting the offenders and helping the child to recover

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MYTHS AND FACTS ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL EXPLOITATION

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MYTH 1: SHE ASKED FOR IT REALITY: A child’s capacity to consent or her willingness to be involved in sexual activities is irrelevant where exploitation is involved. Children and young people may not understand the exploitation and may not recognise that what they are experiencing is abuse. They may be afraid to seek help and an assumption that she might have asked for it makes it difficult for children and young people to disclose the abuse they are suffering.

MYTH 2: SHE KEEPS GOING BACK TO HIM/THEM, SO IT CAN’T BE THAT BAD REALITY: Control and manipulation similar to those experienced by victims of domestic violence are experienced by victims of sexual exploitation. Fear, severe trauma following abuse, lack of self-esteem and misplaced loyalties towards the perpetrator(s) whom they believe to be their ‘friend(s)’ or ‘boyfriend(s)’ stand in the way of seeking help or breaking free from the control of the perpetrator(s). Sexually exploited children can often be crying out for help even when they appear to be disengaging.

to remember that the specific support needs of all families around the exploitation of their child are not dissimilar, even though some may have additional support needs.

MYTH 4: BOYS CANNOT BE RAPED OR EXPLOITED REALITY: Boys and young men can be sexually exploited and their exploitation is often overlooked and underestimated. Evidence also shows that sexually exploited boys are more likely to be criminalised for their behaviour. It is also important to recognise that boys find it more difficult to disclose abuse. There is growing knowledge of working with sexually exploited boys and young men, and more can be learnt from the National Working Group’s Boys and Young men forum: www.nationalworkinggroup. co.uk

MYTH 5: S/HE IS JUST EXPLORING HER/HIS SEXUALITY REALITY: Sometimes behaviours that indicate sexual grooming or risk of sexual exploitation are interpreted as sexual experimentation or as sexually harmful behaviour.

This is particularly so with children who are subjected to sexual exploitation by perpetrators of the same sex. It is vital not to lose sight of the control of the perpetrator over MYTH 3: SEXUALLY EXPLOITED CHILDREN MAINLY the children and the process through which perpetrators COME FROM BROKEN OR OTHERWISE DYSFUNCTIONAL target and groom children.

FAMILIES MYTH 6: THESE ARE SEXUALLY ACTIVE YOUNG REALITY: All children from all kinds of families and backgrounds are equally vulnerable, by virtue of their age. PEOPLE...

Children from families where there may be problems could REALITY: The age of consent in England and Wales is 16 be additionally vulnerable as perpetrators tend to identify and sex with a child under the age of consent is an offence.

Legislation and guidance clearly state that all children a child’s vulnerabilities early on and exploit them to their under the age of 18 must be safeguarded from sexual advantage. Assuming the child’s family background as the route cause of her abuse puts the focus of intervention in the exploitation. Sexual relationships among young people can be exploitative in nature even though the age gap between wrong place and disempowers family members who often them is negligible. Labelling children as sexually active struggle to protect their child from exploitation. It is vital stigmatises them and prevents them from seeking support.

MYTH 7: THE ADULTS THEY HANG AROUND WITH ARE THEIR FRIENDS OR BOYFRIENDS REALITY: Focus should remain on the exploitation, not on the perceptions of young people. Young people might perceive the perpetrators to be their ‘friends’ or ‘boyfriends’ who are genuinely interested in them and/or in forming a relationship with them. Professionals appear to be oblivious to the exploitative nature of the relationships that these children are drawn into. Children are often assumed to be ‘making a choice’ and hence are responsible for their own ‘risky sexual behaviour’. They are perceived to be involved in a consensual relationship that is ageappropriate, especially where there isn’t much of an age gap between the child and the exploiter.

MYTH 8: CHILDREN IN CARE ARE MORE AT RISK OF BEING SEXUALLY EXPLOITED REALITY: Available statistics do not support this strongly.

Both children from care and those living in the family home are equally at risk. Work of PACE also shows that being in care is more often an effect of exploitation than a cause. The groomer might encourage the child to go into care with a view to sever her/his relationship with her/his family. Once in care it becomes far easier for perpetrators to maintain their grip and control on children. The effects of grooming and exploitation also undermine parents’ capacity to safeguard their child forcing them to seek local authority care and protection for their children. On other occasions children might be placed in care or in secure accommodation on grounds of welfare.

MYTH 9: SHE IS 16 NOW. THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO REALITY: The age of consent in England and Wales is 16.

Sexually exploited children over the age of 16 are often

perceived as capable of consenting to sex and hence do not meet the thresholds for child protection. The Children Acts 1989 and 2004 as well as the government guidance clearly state that all children under the age of 18 should be safeguarded. Consent is defined in section 74 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 as an agreement by choice where the person concerned has the freedom and capacity to make that choice. In almost all cases involving grooming the child’s capacity is undermined by virtue of imbalance of power between her and her perpetrator, the control exercised and the manipulation or use of force.

MYTH 10: SEXUALLY EXPLOITED CHILDREN ARE VISIBLE ON THE STREETS, IN SAUNAS OR MASSAGE PARLOURS REALITY: Some young women are exploited in this way.

But evidence from the work of specialist agencies working to safeguard children shows that sexual exploitation of children takes place often in privately owned premises and vehicles as a means to avoid identification of such abuse.

MYTH 11: TRAFFICKING VICTIMS IN THE UK ARE TRAFFICKED MAINLY FROM AFRICA, ASIA OR EASTERN EUROPE REALITY: Victims can be trafficked from any part of the world. It is not necessary for victims to be moved or transported across borders to be trafficked. Children are trafficked from within or across cities in the UK. This process is commonly referred to as ‘internal trafficking’. (For more see Trafficking in our midst at www.paceuk.info) MYTH 12: IT’S JUST NORMAL TEENAGE BEHAVIOUR REALITY: Both parents and professionals find it difficult to identify the early signs of sexual grooming and exploitation. Many of the indicators may at first glance appear to be normal teenage behaviour. However,

dispensing these indicators as such without appropriate assessments puts the child at risk of significant harm.

Organisations such as Barnardo’s and PACE as well the 2009 national guidance provide a useful list of indicators that help identify children at risk of child sexual exploitation.

MYTH 13: THE MAIN PROBLEM APPEARS TO BE THE PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP WHICH HAS BROKEN DOWN REALITY: Effects of CSE such as changes in a child’s behaviour, attitude and relationships put a strain on the parent-child relationship. For example, truanting, going missing, use of substances and aggression often lead to confrontation between the parent and the exploited child.

Such strained relationships are seen to be at the core of the problem. However, it is the grooming process that leads to the breakdown of those relationships.

Work of PACE PACE, the Coalition for the Removal of Pimping, was set up and is led by parents whose children have been lured into a world where they are being controlled, sold and sexually exploited by individuals and organised criminal gangs. PACE is unique; no other national organisation supports the parents; most organisations work with the abused young person, not recognising that parents also need support, information and advice and that their involvement improves the chances of prosecuting the offenders and helping the child to recover

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Dua.

Rumaysa Malik

Taking Refuge

Allahumma inni ‘a’udhubika minal hammi walhuzni, Wal’ajzi walkasali, walbukhli waljubni, Wa dal’id-daiyni wa ghalabatir-rajal Translation: O Allah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men.

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Parents against child sexual exploitation

Unseen, Unknown, Hidden, but very Real: One Familys Story of the Long-Term Impact of CSE People say having teenagers is hard work. But I think teenagers are the most wonderful beings, full of potential and love – it’s dealing with what happens to them that is the hard work.

children’s nursery. She loves it and will be Throughout this time, we received brilliant doing a level 2 NVQ in childcare. support from charities we worked with and the school. I wish we could say the When we found out Isobel was being same for the police. groomed two years ago, she stopped contact with the groomers. The following The first time we found out and the police It has been two years now since we summer, frightened by their threats, she came ‘round, they were so off hand; told found out one of our daughters had went back, climbing out of her upstairs us it was happening everywhere and been groomed and was being sexually bedroom window. We had been so that if we were lucky Isobel would come exploited. It has been a long, long two vigilant but never thought of locking her to her senses! We were referred to the years and I want to tell my story of what upstairs bedroom window. sexual exploitation service and they gave we have been through as a family.

Isobel a good but very unreliable youth Two months later, we found out again and worker. They had two meetings with us, Isobel first – she is amazing. She’s now this time, when I sat down with her in her the police and the school and discharged had over a year’s weekly therapy at the bedroom to talk, she said she knew it had us when Isobel was still being exploited NSPCC with a wonderful woman. I did been wrong but didn’t feel she had a the second time. a self-referral to the NSPCC and they choice. She felt she needed to protect us. were just setting up a service for girls to This time I slept in her bedroom with her When we found out about that second get 1-1 therapy, so the timing was very until she moved back in to sharing a room time, the police sent two officers to lucky for us. Isobel says it has saved her with her sister. interview Isobel. They spoke to her alone life. She did her GCSE’s last summer first for an hour and then we joined them. and amazingly got 8 A-C’s. Just recently We had to move, and put the house on They were trying to get Isobel to give she has started an apprenticeship at a the market. them her phone and any information. support us by joining our page on www.facebook.com/fifteen21magazine

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The way they tried to get the information was firstly by telling her she’d be helping other girls if she did. Then, they turned to saying they didn’t believe her and she couldn’t prove anything. Finally they turned on me, saying what kind of mother was I if I didn’t force the phone from my daughter and hand it over. I knew I would lose my daughter if I did that. They left.

her to go back ‘one last time’ to tell her NSPCC worker what had happened.

It was this worker who saved the day, telling Isobel that she believed in her.

Isobel was so relieved to be believed and carried on with the therapy.

The real damage they did came four weeks later. We were all away in the October half term at a cottage. They rang us to say Isobel had made it all up, that she was a fantasist, there was no evidence and they were closing the case.

I have just been offered a year of therapy at a women’s counselling and therapy service. I’ve been on the waiting list for 18 months. Both my parents passed away during the last two years and it has been hard. There is no support for families, and parents especially, apart from PACE.

We were all stunned. I was confused.

They said it all with such conviction that for a moment I believed them and had the dilemma of thinking Isobel was either mentally ill and lying, or telling the truth. I know I believed her.

The effect on Isobel was that she thought she must be ‘mental’ and really questioned her own sanity. She said she would stop therapy, but I persuaded

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We moved house to a lovely place not far away, but far enough for now.

I filled in a ‘trauma’ questionnaire at the assessment for therapy, 126 questions in all. It showed that I am continuously anxious and somatising caused by the trauma. I hope the therapy will help me regain a sense of myself and help me move on in some way.

This experience has affected the whole

family in a very profound way.

Daniel, my husband, became very depressed last summer. As Isobel got better, we fell apart. He is on antidepressants and is getting some therapy through his GP counselling service.

Our marriage has survived. Over two years we have worked in parallel to get through this. Most of our conversations were ‘emergency’ conversations. We have a long way to go to get back to a sense of ‘us’.

and initiated by her school. They noticed she was struggling and referred her.

Isobel’s brother, now 13, was 11 at the time we found out. He is a fantastic young person; outgoing, energetic, getting on ok at school. He is also very anxious and worries about everything.

His anxiety is frightening him. He doesn’t sleep unless he feels totally secure.

I think the thought that these unknown men would come into our old house and hurt us has overwhelmed him. He feels a little better in the new house. He recently Our other daughter is now doing her first asked to see a therapist himself as he year of A-levels. She has taken on such wants to ‘get it all out’. a protective role of her sister. She went to school with her, town, on dog walks It has been important to me to know – basically whenever Isobel was out of PACE is there, even though I’ve not been the house, her sister knew where she was, in touch much. The long term ongoing except for at night. When we found out effects on families are unseen, unknown, the second time, she offered to share hidden, but very real. rooms again, I’m sure as much to make herself feel secure as to look after her sister. She managed to get some therapy as well, for around a year or so, with an Carley Centen PACE www.paceuk.info art therapist organised through a charity support us by joining our page on www.facebook.com/fifteen21magazine

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A Building Conversation: Is the Child Protection Model Working in Safeguarding Teenagers?

In May 2014, Pace published a report on the Relational Safeguarding Model arguing that the child protection model does not adapt well to safeguarding children from abuse outside their home environment and a more relational and family-centred approach is needed.

Recently, we had a chance to chat with Professor Jenny Pearce of the University of Bedfordshire about her research on child sexual exploitation, violence and trafficking as Director of The International Centre, a pioneering centre that recently won the Queens Anniversary Prize for applied research on Child Sexual Exploitation influencing new safeguarding policy and practice.

We wanted to ask her why we are seeing an emerging discussion now on teenagers and safeguarding and how we can build on this conversation to see real change for families with children at risk of sexual 40

exploitation.

on an understanding of ‘rescuing’ young children from abuse or neglect within A conversation is starting to build around the family, but that her research at the the safeguarding of teenage children. A Centre shows this does not necessarily recent book chapter written by Professor fit when we’re thinking about the sexual Jenny Pearce argues that it is time for “a exploitation of young people. conceptual shift in our understanding of A child protection model that is first child protection.” and foremost about identifying risks in the home and deciding whether In Moving on With Munro: Child Sexual to remove the child from the home Exploitation within a Child Protection environment misses the more complex Framework, Pearce uses the example of needs of older children, including “how responses to CSE to suggest that “our to support parents/carers to identify understanding of child protection must and understand incidents of abuse develop from one focused on protecting taking place outside their home domain.” younger children from abuse in the home (Pearce, 2014: 129) to one incorporating the protection of older children from abuse located and Working with the Oak Foundation in experienced outside the home.” (Pearce, Bulgaria, Pearce and her colleagues 2014:125) developed a starting point for thinking about a new way of working with Pearce says that the child protection young people who are at risk of sexual models we rely on are historically based exploitation based on ‘learning action

partnerships’. She believes this starts with an approach to young people that asks “how can we work together as partners to make you safe?” rather than “what you’re doing is wrong, how can I rescue you?” A partnership approach based on shared learning to create some agreed actions takes account of the fact that young people have agency in the actions they take, such as going missing or engaging with or resisting support. In addition, the approach can, where appropriate, extend to involving the young person’s carers and wider family in a shared approach to safeguarding partnerships.

We asked Pearce if there were barriers to this way of working in practice and she identified three:

• Training for professionals on child protection largely misses safeguarding issues for older children and the relationship the older child has with their peers, parents, carers or wider family.

• Parenting support is mainly concentrated on the ‘early years’, with early years understood as babies and toddlers. Only a noticeable few parenting support programmes really target parents in the ‘early years’ of parenting teenagers.

“What a lot of interventions have missed, • In this period of austerity and cut as Pace rightfully has said in the past, backs, there are increasingly diminishing are considerations of the impacts on resources, particularly when it comes the family, parents and carers,” says to youth services and community based Pearce. “The partnership approach interventions which means parents and means engaging with the young person carers of teenagers are increasingly who has a sense of agency and looking overlooked. at who else around them is important to them and influential, which would include “The combination of these points means parents and carers, and really starting to that we don’t put child protection engage in a partnership way.” alongside the needs of teenagers, with their parents or carers and their support us by joining our page on www.facebook.com/fifteen21magazine

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families. But that is what organisations like Pace and Barnardo’s Families and Communities Against Sexual Exploitation (FCASE) team are starting to do and that’s exciting and needs to be done more,” says Pearce.

Inquiry into Child Sexual Exploitation in Gangs and Groups and the work of the NWG Network have identified the need for continued work in this area and there’s scope for creating more links around parent/carer family support approaches to CSE.”

“The College of Policing and the College of Social Work also play a vital role,” It might take time for this shift in thinking she says, “and should be encouraged to to become a shift in practice; we need to incorporate a child protection focus for keep the conversation going. older children and teenagers. This could be included in training for social workers at universities and in post-qualifying Carley Centen training.”

Overcoming the third point, a lack of adequate resources for relational working is more challenging, but Pearce says she is optimistic of the role that the third sector and campaigning organisations can play and also notes that there are pockets of really proactive practice in some areas. “What charities like Pace are doing in terms of raising awareness and getting people to talk and think is important. The work of the larger children’s charities, the OCC 42

PACE www.paceuk.info

What can I do as a parent or a carer?

As a parent or carer, it is important to discuss with children the differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships to help highlight potential risks to them.

There are also a number of practical steps you can take to protect children such as:

Barnardo’s has launched its Cut them free campaign to reduce the number of children experiencing the horror of sexual exploitation in the UK. You can find out further information about sexual exploitation and show your support at: www.barnardos.org.uk/cutthemfree.

staying alert to changes in behaviour or any physical signs of abuse such as bruising Q being aware of new, unexplained gifts or possessions and carefully monitoring any episodes of staying out late or not returning home Q exercising caution around older friends your child may have, or relationships with other young people where there appears to be a power imbalance Q making sure you understand the risks associated with your child being online and putting measures in place to minimise these risks.

Q

If you are concerned that a child is at risk of sexual exploitation, you may want to contact one of our specialist sexual exploitation projects for advice: www.barnardos.org.uk/ specialist_sexual_exploitation_projects.

If a child is in immediate danger, call 999 or contact your local police.

www.barnardos.org.uk Head Office Tanners Lane, Barkingside, Ilford, Essex IG6 1QG Tel: 020 8551 0011 Fax: 020 8551 8267 Barnardo’s Registered Charity Nos. 216250 and SC037605

13874ka11

Are you a parent or a carer?

Help cut children and young people free from sexual exploitation

Sexual exploitation affects thousands of children and young people across the UK every year. As a parent or carer, you could have an important role to play in protecting children from exploitation, helping to cut them free from this horrific form of child abuse.

What are the signs?

Children and young people that are the victims of sexual exploitation often do not recognise that they are being exploited.

However, there are a number of telltale signs that a child may be being groomed for sexual exploitation. These include:

What is child sexual exploitation?

Sexual exploitation is a form of sexual abuse, in which a young person is manipulated, or forced into taking part in a sexual act. This could be as part of a seemingly consensual relationship, or in return for attention, affection, money, drugs, alcohol or somewhere to stay.

The young person may think that their abuser is their friend, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend. But they will put them into dangerous situations, forcing the young person to do things they don’t want to do. The abuser may physically or verbally threaten the young person or be violent towards them. They will control and manipulate them, and try to isolate them from friends and family.

Who does it affect?

This type of abuse could happen to any young person from any background. It happens to boys and young men as well as girls and young women.

The victims of abuse are not at fault.

Abusers are very clever in the way they manipulate and take advantage of the young people they abuse.

Q Q Q

How does it happen?

Q

Many young people Barnardo’s work with have been ‘groomed’ by an abusing adult who befriends the young person and makes them feel special by buying them gifts or giving them lots of attention. Young people may be targeted online or in person. Sexual exploitation can also occur between young people of a similar age.

In most cases, the abuser will have power of some kind over the young person. It may be that the abuser is older or more emotionally mature, physically stronger, or that they are in a position where they are able to control the young person.

There are some situations that can make young people more vulnerable to exploitation; by becoming distant from the people who would usually look after them. Young people who are having difficulties at home, regularly go missing or have experienced care may be particularly vulnerable.

Q Q Q Q Q

going missing for periods of time or regularly returning home late regularly missing school or not taking part in education appearing with unexplained gifts or new possessions associating with other young people involved in exploitation having older boyfriends or girlfriends suffering from sexually transmitted infections mood swings or changes in emotional wellbeing drug and alcohol misuse displaying inappropriate sexualised behaviour.

Nominate a Role Model!

Over the past 20 issues Fifteen21 has showcased many inspirational role-models from the Muslim community in the UK. From youth activists like Neelam Rose, to Humza Yousaf, a trail-blazing young politician in Glasgow to Aisha Yasmin, a young aspiring designer from Birmingham hoping to make it big in the Big Apple!

If you would like to nominate an inspiring role-model to be featured in a future issue of Fifteen21 please email us at letters@fifteen21.com with the following details;

e m a N ail l l m u E F / e ls er d b o m M u N e o len n R o o h s

r P e • t is p t ac h n t o t C n) bou • a w u o o n y s fk i e ( r i p

ins t a ds) r h o W w 50 • 1 x a (m

We look forward to receiving your nominations!

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Out on Friday 15th August 2014!

Asian victims of sexual exploitation are being neglected Research published today by Muslim Women’s Network UK ‘MWNUK’ reveals that Asian girls are being sexually exploited and authorities are failing to identify or support them. They are most vulnerable to offenders from their own communities who manipulate cultural norms to prevent them from reporting their abuse. This has lessons for all communities – sexual predators tend to target those closest to them.

The report, ‘Unheard Voices: The Sexual Exploitation of Asian Girls and Young Women,’ is based on 35 case studies from across England submitted in a call for evidence. The majority are Muslim with almost two thirds of British Pakistani heritage. Key findings from the research

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include:

Bangladeshi, Indian, Pakistani, White and Mixed backgrounds • Asian victims of sexual exploitation are • 86% of the cases involved men being overlooked by front line agencies operating in groups, with some involving and little if anything is being done to online grooming identify them so they can be helped • Some victims were unaware of the • The majority of victims reported to the extent or the different ways in which they researchers were between 13 and 14 were violated or by how many men due years old the oldest was in her 30s with a to drugs and alcohol learning disability • Attitudes amongst Asian and Muslim • At least a third of the victims had communities are mainly dismissive or suffered sexual abuse when they were disbelieving in relation to child sexual younger exploitation.

• Blackmail connected with shame and dishonour is often used to control victims Key Recommendations • The offenders were most often from the same ethnic background as the victim and Although the research focuses on Asian in two thirds of the cases, perpetrators Muslim victims, it provides lessons for were of Pakistani heritage all. MWNUK makes the following key • The perpetrators were of Afghani, recommendations:

• The Government and local agencies must produce plans to ensure the better identification of and intervention and support for all Black and ethnic minority children and young people suffering from sexual exploitation • Specialist, culturally sensitive helplines should be set up for Black and ethnic minority children to report abuse • Communities must prioritise the safeguarding of vulnerable girls over the protection of honour.

Shaista Gohir, Chair of MWNUK, lead researcher and author of the report, “This report challenges the stereotype that child sexual exploitation is a racial crime in which Asian offenders target White girls only. The findings indicate that Asian girls are even more vulnerable than White girls to exploitation by Asian predators - they are considered a ‘less risky’ option because they are less likely to report abuse due to shame and dishonour.

“We can’t say from the research that child sexual exploitation is more of a problem in Asian or Muslim communities

but what we can say is that Asian or Muslim victims often fall through the net. Their abuse goes unreported and they are not provided with the support they need. The sad reality is that sexual predators come from all backgrounds and tend to target those closest to them.”

it is allowing men to continue operating with impunity and further fuelling sexual violence against girls and women.”

“I hope the findings act as a catalyst for others to act because there are people in every community who commit such abhorrent crimes.”

Children and young people who are affected by abuse or exploitation can call Childline for advice and support 24 hours a day on Tel: 0800 1111.

Shaista Gohir (l) with Faeeza Vaid of MWNUK (r)

“While we must be careful not to provide a false perception that grooming is restricted to Asian communities, cases involving Asian offenders must not be swept under the carpet either.

Communities under the spotlight must accept they too have networks of paedophiles operating among them.

Silence in the name of avoiding shame and preserving honour is so powerful that

Adults who need support or information, or are concerned about a child or young person should call the NSPCC helpline on Tel: 0808 800 5000.

For support following sexual violence or assault visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk or Tel: 0808 802 9999 (12-2.30pm and 7-9.30pm).

MWNUK can also be contacted on 0121 236 9000 / 07415 206936. In an emergency dial 999.

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49

The Bunker Diary

By Kevin Brooks

a stranger. When he wakes up, he finds himself locked in his worst nightmare; trapped in ‘a low ceiling rectangular building’.

It all starts when a 16 year old boy called Linus Weems is abducted and Linus isn’t alone. He realises this when he trapped in an empty, blank, spacious finds that he is being watched through bunker by a stranger for no good reason CCTV cameras put up by the stranger at all. himself, for the stranger smartly arranges the bunker before abducting anybody Even though he had rather rough first. A 9 year old girl named Jenny is and disturbing experiences, Linus is a trapped along with Linus, along with thoughtful kind hearted boy who just a drug addict Ant, a management wanted to live a normal life like any other consultant, an estate agent and a child. He was firstly sent to a boarding professional philosopher. school that his filthy rich, cartoonist father dumped him in, and thus, Linus decided I felt as though the author’s intention was to risk his life homeless on the streets of to give us, the readers an opportunity London. to explore and understand youth homelessness. They don’t know who to talk Linus did live an ordinary life when he to and who to seek help from, so they feel was young, but situations got really tough that running away from home is the only for him to handle, so he had no choice but solution, exposing themselves to all sorts to make his escape. Whilst living his life of dangers and risks. on the harsh streets of London, Linus ends up getting drugged when he tries helping Zeeshan Ali

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book

REVIEWS

Life has its ups and downs You can talk confidentially online or by phone whenever you need to.

Whatever your worry, it’s better out than in.

www.childline.org.uk ChildLine is a service provided by the NSPCC. Registered charity numbers 216401 and SC037717. 7244/11

FOOD for the

SOUL

The Old Man and his Son

One day an old man was sitting with his 25 year old son on the train. The train was about to leave the station. All the passengers were settling down on their seats. As the train pulled away, the young man was filled with joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window seat. He put one hand out and felt the passing of the And if there comes to you from Satan air. He shouted, “Papa see all the trees an evil suggestion, then seek refuge in going by”, the old man smiled. Beside Allah. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the the young man, a couple were sitting and listening to the conversation between the Knowing (Qur’an 41: 36) father and son. They felt a little awkward, In the eyes of people, a thousand rights by the actions of the 25 year old man, as are ignored for one wrong but in the Eyes he was behaving like a small child. of the Almighty, a thousand wrongs are Suddenly, the young man again shouted, ignored for one right.

“Papa see the pond and the animals. The clouds are moving with the train”. The couple were watching the young man

embarrassingly. It started to rain and some water drops fell onto the palms of the young man. Filled with joy, he closed his eyes and exclaimed again, “Papa it’s raining, water is touching me, see papa”.

The couple couldn’t help themselves, and asked the old man, “why don’t you visit the doctor and get your son examined”.

The old man replied, “Yes, we have come from the hospital, my son was blind and his vision has been restored, it is the first time he has ever been able to see.”

Moral: Don’t draw conclusions until you know all the facts.

Ehsan Khan

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Masjids Around The World In Southeast Asia, lies a small Islamic country called Brunei which has one of the most impressive mosques in the world.

The mosque is located in the capital city, Bandar Seri Begawan and is built on an artificial lagoon. The main purpose of the mosque is for the remembrance of Allah (SWT) but due to its elegant design, it has become one of the main tourist attractions in Brunei.

Brunei is one of the richest countries in the world due to its oil and gas reserves.

The Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque is named after the 28th Sultan of Brunei who gave permission to the building of the mosque. The late Sultan of Brunei spent $5 million on its construction.

Materials were sourced from various countries: crystal chandeliers imported from England, carpets from Saudi Arabia, marble from Italy and granite from China.

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Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque Location: Bandar Seri Begawan, Brunei

The mosque is unique because it unites both Mughal and Italian architecture.

Mughal architecture is evident with the mini onion shaped domes positioned in each corner and above the main entrances. The square shaped minaret is made out of marble and adorned with a golden dome, matching the colour of the mini domes. The minaret has a height of 44 metres which makes it one of the tallest structures in central Brunei. One of the most striking features of the mosque is the main golden dome, made out of pure gold. It glistens in the sun and can be seen almost anywhere from the capital city.

directly in front of the mosque. The boat or barge is a replica of the 16th-century Sultan Bolkiah Mahligai barge. The barge was built in 1967 to commemorate the 1400th anniversary of Nuzul Al-Quran (revelation of the Qur’an).

The mosque is situated on a five acre site and is surrounded by rows of trees and floral gardens which give a sense of tranquillity. The mosque is located near a public park and a shopping complex.

Another intriguing aspect of the site is the boat-like structure situated in the lagoon

The grandeur of the exterior has been continued inside the mosque. The interior is very lavish with the floors and walls made from the finest Italian marble.

The centrepiece of the interior is without doubt, the 3.5 million piece Venetian mosaic on the interior of the main dome.

The main entrance into the mosque is through three peculiar triangular shaped archways. The top of the external window frames are also triangular in shape to mirror the archways. This gives the mosque a look of continuity and elegance. The mosque also has a courtyard with a large fountain.

Built:

1958

Capacity:

3,000

Zeeshan Arif

The interior of the dome is decorated with Arabic calligraphy and geometric patterns.

Suspended from the central dome is the magnificent chandelier imported from England.

The country is smaller in size than Yorkshire but the tiny Muslim kingdom has big ambitions. Prior to 1958, there was no official mosque in the capital city.

The construction of this stunning mosque gives the citizens the opportunity to pray in congregation. In addition, it serves as a tourist attraction and the mosque symbolises Islam as the official religion of Brunei. The Arabic words inscribed on the national flag translate as “State of Brunei, abode of peace.� This mosque exemplifies that message and you will certainly feel peace when entering the Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddin Mosque.

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55

I hate you (letter to my abuser)

poetry

I’m busy hating you right now, hating you for ruining my day. When I struggle, it feels like you are taking control and that disturbs me. This is my life, mine and you don’t get to choose for me, not anymore. I feel like I’m constantly pushing you away, I feel like I’m fighting to take control and I hate that, I hate you. I wish you would back the hell off…. You aren’t even here, but what you left is so powerful, wasn’t it bad enough that you abused me back then? Why won’t you let me let you go? I blame you, I don’t care if you aren’t here, I blame you. I blame you. I’m shaking with hate right now and it’ is all for you, every bit of it.

I don’t like feeling defeated, I refuse to stay down, no matter how hard it is, no matter how much it hurts, I will not give up. Did you cause that too? Did you make me stubborn, did your actions make me so determined to fight? I rarely fought you, but I never gave up even in those dark moments when I was so tempted to carve a little deeper. I found my strength and I chose life.

anonymous

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I ha

How could you do this to me? I will never understand.

Every time you raped me it felt like a part of me died, as if you were slowly killing me day by day, taking away something I thought I’d never get back. But you know what? You didn’t succeed, you didn’t kill me. I am healing, I am coming back to life. Each and every time I tell, I’m taking back what you stole.

I hope you are quivering, I hope you shake with fear like I did, I hope you are afraid, because you should be. I’m stamping you out, I’m expelling you, like poison, with my words and I will keep going until every trace of your venom has left me.

ate you I hate you. I hate you.

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57

Cheese and Chive Omelette

Ingredients:

Recipes Nusayba Malik

2 eggs 1 tsp. olive oil 2 tbsp. goat cheese ½ tsp. minced chives 1 slice whole-wheat or multigrain toast salt and pepper (to taste)

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Preparation Whisk 2 eggs in a bowl (with salt and pepper to taste), add goat cheese and chives. Heat a small pan with olive oil and cook egg mixture over medium-high heat until omelette sets. Serve with toast, fruit or salad optional but very tasty.

Enjoy!

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59

National Events

To add your local study circles, conferences, events or courses please email events@fifteen21.com

Birmingham

Leicester

The Zawiya Centre T: 0121 766 8364 W: www.thezawiya.com

Masjid An-Noor T: 0116 262 5440 W: www.idauk.org

Arabic, Tajweed, Youth activities & Study circles for both brothers and sisters, various dates

Monthly Youth Programme for boys, starts first Saturday of each month

Bradford

York

Islam Bradford Centre T: 01274 395521 E: info@islambradford.com

York Central Masjid T: 01904 413 123 E: contact@yorkmosque.org

Study Circles, for brothers and sisters (separate classes), various days & times

Brothers Qur’an Circle, every Friday, between Maghrib and Isha Salah Sisters Qur’an Circle, every Sunday, 11am to Dhuhr Salah

… e u s s I e Next

Cambridge Cambridge Masjid T: 01223-350134 E: cambridgemosque@gmail.com

Arabic, Study Circles, Qur’anic Studies for both Brothers & Sisters, varies days & times

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Edinburgh Edinburgh Central Mosque T: 0131 343 3802 E: edinburghmosque@hotmail.com

Arabic, Tajweed, Youth activities & Study circles for both brothers and sisters, various dates

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Life has its ups and downs You can talk confidentially online or by phone whenever you need to.

Whatever your worry, it’s better out than in.

www.childline.org.uk ChildLine is a service provided by the NSPCC. Registered charity numbers 216401 and SC037717. 7244/11