Mutual Forbearance: A 6 Week Devotional Companion for FPC Atlanta
A 6 WEEK DEVOTIONAL COMPANION FOR FPC ATLANTA
SAMARITAN COUNSELING CENTER OF ATLANTA
ABOUT THE ARTIST
Katherine Wirth, FPC Atlanta church member and artist, donated this piece to SCCA in honor of the Rooker and Wirth families. To learn more about Katherine’s work visit katherinewirthart.com
This summer, Tony and I spent time in conversation about the division and polarization of our time and how we, as Christians, might best faithfully navigate these times in general and navigate this upcoming election cycle in particular. Tony spoke passionately about his desire to invite the congregation to deepen our commitment to Mutual Forbearance as followers of Christ in these challenging times. How might we cultivate forbearance as an intentional way of being in the midst of polarization, division, and vitriol? How can we more faithfully embody the virtues of compassion, kindness, humility, patience, and speaking the truth in love?
At the Samaritan Counseling Center of Atlanta, we began considering how we could contribute to this vision and to this conversation. We set out to explore the notion of forbearance and its related virtues through different lenses— offering perspectives from four therapists, a spiritual director, and me - as a pastor and the director of the counseling center.
How does a focus on mental health, spiritually integrated psychotherapy, and the practice of mental wellness enhance and aid in the pursuit of these virtues?
Our hope is that these reflections over the next six weeks will amplify Tony’s sermon series in ways that are life-giving and transformative. May they help guide us as we approach the national election season, navigate difficult personal and professional relationships, and ultimately, as we strive to humbly walk in the way of Jesus Christ.
Rev. Dr. Katie Sundermeier
Why Forbearance
A word from Rev. Dr. Tony Sundermeier
Iwant to thank the Samaritan Counseling Center for their creativity in suggesting and putting together this companion devotional for my upcoming sermon series. These contributions not only amplify the sermons, but also add new and compelling insights that help us understand and embrace forbearance. May this companion bring you both encouragement and challenge as we all seek to embody the virtues of Christ in these divided times.
September 8, 2024
Forbearance: A Sermon Series on Virtue in a Divided Time
Part 1: Why Forbearance: A Christological Approach
Colossians 3:12-17, 1 Corinthians 12:12-13, & Luke 6:12-16
September 15, 2024
Forbearance: A Sermon Series on Virtue in a Divided Time
For access to Tony’s sermons, please visit the website or follow QR code.
Why Forbearance
By Anne-Marie Burke, LPC
SCCA therapist and FPC member, Anne-Marie Burke, discusses the evidenced-based psychological benefits of practicing forbearance. She explores the power at work within forbearance and how our faith uniquely equips us to cultivate this virtue.
Thomas Mann, a two-time recipient of the Pulitzer-prize for literature, was an outspoken German critic of Nazi Germany during Hitler’s rise to power and an even greater critic during World War II when he was forced into exile for his unwavering dissent. Despite the severe loss of family and friends, he had a high opinion of forbearance: “Forbearance in the face of fate, beauty constant under torture, are not merely passive. They are a positive achievement, an explicit triumph.” Today, in a culture where social media proudly hands a blow horn to the aggrieved, forbearance is a dirty concept. A concept that implies weakness, not fortitude. Cowardice, not bravery. Even so, studies in psychological science and organizational leadership would agree with Mann. Indeed, it is not merely a “positive achievement,” it is a strong indicator of optimal psychological functioning.
My intention with this devotion is to encourage you. Understanding the science behind an abstract concept like forbearance often encourages me, so I hope discussing research findings from the field of psychology bolsters you
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as well. Then, I will invite you to consider with me an aspect of forbearance that the research often misses, a spiritual quality that gives forbearance its vibrancy. Finally, we’ll consider strategies to cultivate forbearance in our own lives. I am so glad you’re here. Let’s dive in.
Researchers have identified four factors to forbearance: (1) emotional calmness (2) an ability to overlook others’ misdeeds (3) tolerance and acceptance and (4) self-restraint. I love science but it sure can take the fun out of a complex concept with a purified definition. So, I put forth this one: forbearance is an active, conscious choice of restraint and tolerance in times when retaliation or resentment is warranted. Notice how much one is doing by “not doing” when practicing forbearance! That sounds exhausting, not life-giving. What is going on here?
Correlational studies demonstrate that those who practice forbearance in times of conflict have lower depression scores both in the short term and long term. Further, after a stressful conflict, those with high forbearance regulate their emotions faster than those with low forbearance. I’m not totally surprised by this, as I am sure you are not either. But what did raise my eyebrows is that those with high forbearance have a greater increase in heart rate during stressful conflicts than those with lower forbearance. Far from detachment from the conflict to protect themselves, they are deeply impacted by it. What those with high forbearance are able to achieve is the ability to move forward after relational distress with high morale, self-compassion, and healthy self-esteem. Conversely, those with low forbearance might enjoy the catharsis of fighting back and a momentary victory, but the negative effects of the conflict linger. I don’t know about you, but I would rather move forward with aplomb in a demanding situation rather than enjoy a quick win that leaves me ruminating on the outcome.
A quick note on what forbearance is not. Avoiding conflict because the associated emotions are intolerable, suppressing painful emotions, or feeling defenseless in a provoking situation should not be conflated with forbearance. These are instances of behaviors, motivated by our primitive fight or flight wiring, that collapse our personal boundaries to accommodate others in order to feel safe. These are often necessary behaviors in abusive or untrustworthy relationships, but they are not forbearance. Even more, these behaviors lead to depression, not vitality. Positive forbearance, rather, is a deliberate choice, motivated by our higher values, that establish strong psychological boundaries to protect our emotional well-being and reduce unproductive conflict.
As I think on forbearance from a scientific perspective, I can’t help but feel something is missing. There’s a quality that the research does not capture. If you’ll indulge me an anecdote, I might be able to encapsulate it. Years ago, roughly two weeks before we closed on our new home, I realized I made a $25,000 error when calculating our closing costs. Horrified and embarrassed I called my husband, Cary, at work to confess my mistake. We had a 6-monthold and I was in graduate school, so that money was important for our shortterm financial security. I know what my fearful response would have been if the shoe was on the other foot: “How could you be so careless? I trusted you to do this. You’re the financial analyst after all! What are we going to do?!” I braced myself for his disappointment and frustration. While I was holding my breath, Cary let out a big sigh and said “you know what, this news hurts. But it’s really okay. We will figure it out. Don’t sweat it. I love you.” I was speechless. I deserved Cary’s disappointment at the very least, maybe even his resentment, and certainly I deserved for him to lose a little trust in me. But he withheld all of those reactions.
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I am not sure what happened in that moment but I was able to experience a profound grace. I received that message that “yes, you made mistake and yes it grieves me, but my grief in this moment does not compare to my love for you.” It ministered to me. I have a reputation in our home for being exacting and particular. After that moment, I learned the amazing gift we give others by lovingly withholding our resentment, disappointment, or frustration when our expectations are not met (within reason. Healthy conflict is essential to all marriages.) It is the choice to respond through love rather than react through fear that makes forbearance so extraordinary. The characteristic that science does not capture is love. On the other hand, organizational psychology does confirm that forbearance leadership, like in my story above, can change people. Forbearance invites others in to their highest selves by being our highest selves. It does not force, control, or demand. It models. In return, a culture of forbearance is created. As I reflect on the instances that I actively chose to practice forbearance, they are sacred moments in my own maturation. I encourage you to think on and share with others these moments in your own life. If you are up for it, let’s grab a cup of coffee together and I would love to hear them.
So, how do we cultivate forbearance? These five strategies are by no means exhaustive but they are transformative:
1. Cultivate a mindset of equality. We cannot influence people to change their reality by imposing our own. We influence someone to move closer and closer to our reality by moving closer and closer to theirs. In order to withstand distressing differences, it is crucial we work toward seeing someone’s reality as equal to ours, no matter how beneath we believe their beliefs are to ours. One way to do this is to affirm in ourselves and the person across from us with this concept of equality adapted from Relational Life Therapy: “I can see myself in all my flaws, and still hold myself in high regard and I can see you in all your flaws, and still hold you in high regard.”
2. Look for an “authentic kernel” in the person you disagree with. This “authentic kernel” is the shared humanity in all of us. The easiest way to get to the “authentic kernel” is through generous thinking. Clinical Psychologist, Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, teaches parents to use their “most generous interpretation” to understand our children’s behavior. I encourage adults to do this as well. Because the most generous interpretation is understanding how we might come to feel a certain way in the situation, deploying this strategy with those we disagree with, even strongly, helps us grow in compassion for ourselves and others. More excitingly, it helps us do the wonderful work of seeing others in their complexity and richness rather than through the lens that our differences are limitations.
3. Practice not taking things personally, even when it feels personal. When temperatures rise and criticisms rear their ugly head, remind yourself that what the other person is doing or saying is a reflection of them, not of you. What becomes a reflection of you, then, is how you respond.
4. Grow in your awareness of blaming others. We all blame external factors, especially other people, when we feel uncomfortable. It is an automatic response that we would be wise to give ourselves grace for. But blaming stops us from knowing ourselves. So, when you have the urge to blame – quietly let yourself do so for a few minutes - and then ask yourself the question what did this person say or do that revealed a pattern inside of me that is making me uncomfortable? The information you gather about yourself might be freeing. It is here you get to ask yourself the questions who am I, what do I value, and how do I want to respond?
5. Get good at repairing. No one is perfect at navigating conflict. Repairing means you are able to own your contribution to the conflict without first needing the other person to own their contribution. I find the most effective repairs involve genuine apologies and collaboration on how to move forward
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differently. It is amazing how quickly the other person can then see their contribution to the conflict when we take the risk to repair our side first. It is one of the most beautiful things to witness as a relationship counselor, and it’s essential to building the muscle of forbearance. Today we are so aware of what divides us, and we feel threatened by our fundamental differences. We are mystified by the beliefs of people we love and admire. I do not know anyone who has not suffered a relational loss because of the political climate of the last 10 years. I share in your sadness and grief. But let us not be fooled, relational fractures of this nature have existed since the beginning of time. I respect those who do not believe we will see any material difference in the way people treat each other during our lifetime, but my faith tells me there is an answer to this devastation. The best piece of advice I can give you to cultivate forbearance is not in my role as a therapist but in my identity as a Christian. Build a formidable relationship with the one person who modeled the greatest act of forbearance of all of time - Jesus Christ. As he carried his cross up to Golgotha to be crucified, it wasn’t fear that kept him going, it was love. He made the ultimate choice that said “my grief, my pain, my humiliation does not compare to how special you are and how much I love you. I long to be in relationship with you, and I will die to make it happen.” I think what Mann means when he likens forbearance to “beauty under constant torture” cannot be separated from the Gospel. Jesus Christ was tortured because he loves us and, through his sacrifice, we have the power and privilege to organize our whole beings, not around the fear we are born with, but around the infinite love we receive as a child of God.
Compassion
By Jackson Rainer, PhD, Clinical Psychologist
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Its psychological definition amplifies the term as the feeling that arises when confronted by our own or another’s hardship and is accompanied by a motivating energy to relieve that pain and suffering. Colloquially, compassion is simply a kind, friendly presence in the face of what’s difficult. Its emotional power connects us with what’s challenging, rather than turning away. Compassion honors the commonality of the human condition of suffering by diminishing the subtle cruelty of indifference. Therefore, compassion is a reliable source of inner strength, conferring courage and enhancing resilience when faced with difficulties – our own or others. Compassion provides the safety net needed to be vulnerable, to admit mistakes, and to become more responsible, i.e., response-able, to our and others’ selves. As a state of being, it neutralizes self-criticism, allowing room to touch the universal human experience of frailty and inadequacy, as everyone makes mistakes, disappoints, and feels pain from time to time. Regrettably, in this 21st century world, we are repeatedly taught that we “are not good enough” and that the world is a place of deficiency rather than sufficiency.
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Empathy is the emotion of being able to perceive others’ feelings, to recognize our own inclinations, and to have concern for others’ welfare. It is a natural resonance with the emotions of others. Compassion takes empathy one step further, because it harbors a desire for all people to be free of suffering. Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is its logical response. It is imbued with a desire to help. Practicing compassion makes us mindful of our struggles and to support ourselves and others in times of difficulty. Compassion provides the energy to embrace ourselves and our lives, despite inner and outer imperfections, giving us the strength needed to thrive. As Micah writes, compassion allows us “to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God.”
Kindness Matters
By Catharina Chang, PhD, LPC, GSU Professor (AKA Cat Earnest!)
Zechariah 7:9-10
Thus says the Lord of hosts: Render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another; do not oppress the widow, the orphan, the alien, or the poor; and do not devise evil in your hearts against one another.
Micah 6:6-8
With what shall I come before the Lord and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings, with calves a year old?
Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression, the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
The Lord has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?
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Every day, we interact with others, and each interaction presents us with a choice: How will we treat those around us? In a world often marked by division, polarization, and the relentless pace of life, our mental health has become increasingly important. As we navigate the challenges of daily life, we continually seek ways to find peace, balance, and well-being. One of the most powerful tools for nurturing our mental health is kindness. As followers of Christ, we are called to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God” (Micah 6:8). Practicing kindness is a profound way to live out this calling. Kindness not only benefits those around us but also brings healing and strength to our own hearts and minds.
What is kindness? Kindness is more than just being friendly or polite. Kindness involves being genuinely helpful, generous, and considerate. It is an intentional act of doing something beneficial for the sake of others, often putting their needs before our own. Zechariah7:9-10 reminds us to “administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.” Kindness, therefore, in not merely an option, it is a divine mandate, a way to reflect God’s love in our interactions with one another and self.
As a counselor educator, I often emphasize to my counseling students the importance of kindness, not just kindness directed towards others, but kindness directed inwards.
Kindness has profound effects on our mental health. Kindness fosters empathy, boost social interactions, reduces depression and stress, and helps keep things in perspective. Most importantly, kindness connects us to others and, ultimately, to God. True kindness also demand that we humble ourselves, setting aside our pride and investing time and energy in others.
The Bible directs us to “show mercy and compassion” and kindness is a tangible way to live out this command and demonstrate God’s love to the world. There are many ways to show kindness, from encouraging words, spending time with others, to providing resources to help others. Acts of kindness are practical expressions of our faith and obedience to God’s will. Unfortunately, not everyone will treat us with kindness, and some may reject or even scorn our kindness. Regardless, of how others respond, we control our own actions. We are called to rise above the negativity, responding with grace and kindness, even in the face of adversity. This reflects the justice, mercy, and humility that God desires from us. While it is important to be kind to others, we must also remember to extend that kindness to ourselves. I’m reminded of Tony’s sermon title “Sacrifice in an Age of Self-Interest”. A key point of his there was that self-interest, when aligned with God’s will, is not sinful but rather a gift. Showing kindness to oneself is an act of self-interest that honors God. If we want to truly be kind to others, we must begin by being kind to ourselves.
So, how can we integrate kindness into our daily lives in a way that supports our mental health while living out our call as Christians? Start with small, intentional acts of kindness…offer a smile, a word of encouragement, or check in on friend. Reflect on how you speak to yourself and replace self-criticism with words of affirmation and gratitude.
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Humility
By Rev. Carol Pitts, PhD, LPC, LMFT
To be in relationship with someone we vehemently disagree with requires the virtue of humility. Perhaps there are three doors to unlock in the journey into humility. The first has two parts: acknowledging that we are not always right and discerning what we can control and what we cannot. The second is opening ourselves to other points of view. The third is connecting with something bigger than ourselves, something that exposes us to awe and the vast interconnectedness of all things. Ultimately, this all means we are able to value right relationships more than being right.
As autumn pulls out her palette to paint summer’s green leaves in shades of yellow, orange, red and brown, and as she turns down the evening thermostat, political polarization is turning up the heat in our relationships and friendships. The winds of change are blowing, stirring anger, anxiety and depression among us all. This fall is a particularly potent time for families and friends as we navigate relationships with people who have been very important to us who now seem very different. Deeply held political beliefs have ruptured relationships and torn at the fabric of family and threaten to wreak more havoc as the election nears.
It doesn’t have to be this way – there is hope. We can choose to seek the common good rather than staying stuck in a win/lose mentality. How? We can
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start with the virtue of humility, Perhaps the journey into humility has three keys, elements that I draw upon in spiritually oriented psychotherapy. The first has two parts: acknowledging that we are not always right and discerning what we can control and what we cannot. The second is opening ourselves to other points of view. The third is connecting with something bigger than ourselves, something that exposes us to awe and the vast interconnectedness of all things. Ultimately, this all means we are able to value right relationships more than being right.
Recognition and discernment
When couples come to therapy wanting to communicate better and fight less, I encourage them to befriend humility. They usually are stuck on persuading the partner that they are right. They are hurt and tired and angry; they feel disrespected. They want the other to know their pain and to acknowledge they are wrong. In other words, each wants to be seen, heard, respected and right. The first key is recognizing you aren’t always right. Instead of insisting on being right or winning an argument, partners need to humble themselves and see that their partner is also right, hurt needing to be seen and heard. That is, they need to adopt the virtue of humility to seek common ground and work collaboratively to solve a problem. Humility means we close our mouths and put the brakes on our brains that are actively formulating an argument. Humility means we open our ears and seek to understand and accept the person for who they are, warts and all. With humility, I hold onto who I am and I don’t try to change you-as misguided as I believe you are. This is much more difficult when it feels like I am offering you a spoonful of honey but you respond by giving me a spoonful of vinegar. But the only person I can change is myself. But Paul offers us encouragement and an imperative to continue: “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12).
When I am humble, I don’t necessarily give up my beliefs or commitment to truth. What I do is give up imposing my beliefs on other people. I can talk and assert what I believe and not be threatened when you disagree. I can disagree with you – and you still are as important as I am. I am not better than you. You are not better than me. We are more than our beliefs, and we have more in common than we might want to admit.
Do we have the courage to do this work? And it is work – hard work. At some point in our lives, we are drawn to engage in the process of doing what theologian Richard Rohr calls Real Work. This is the work of spiritually integrated psychotherapy. It doesn’t have to be done in or through therapy, but some sort of mentorship is helpful. This work is always focused on the inside, not the outside. This is not about having the right faith or religion, house or salary. It is deeper. As Jesus puts it, “Don’t clean the outside of a dish. I’m concerned about the inside” (see Matthew 23:25–29). The inside includes our thoughts and beliefs, our mind and heart – the why we’re doing what we are doing. While we engage in this difficult work, we need to encourage ourselves with gentleness, kindness, and compassion. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail in this work of accepting ourselves and others, but we keep trying and get better at it.
This work requires humility. It is about changing me, not about changing you. It is moving to the level of soul, where roles, titles, costumes, age, and race are no longer the most important questions. With humility, my soul recognizes your soul. Rohr says we then can present our own souls unapologetically — “I am what I am, warts and all. I’ve got some faults, but I know I’ve got some gifts too. I offer you my gifts and I hope my warts don’t get in the way of those gifts.”
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Openness
Second, humility means really seeing people who look different than we do – people who act differently, dress differently, believe differently, worship differently. To do this we need to expose ourselves to new people and situations, opening our minds and hearts to the wide and colorful world that God has created. One prescription I give to my depressed brothers and sisters is to step outside of themselves and volunteer. In doing so, they open their world to something new. Their mental health is improved by expanding their horizons and exposing themselves to others with kindness, humility, and gentleness of spirit. Jesus modeled valuing humility and inclusivity. He humbled himself to wash the feet of his disciples, hung out with those who were different, scorned and rejected. I wonder what Jesus learned and how he grew from his openness and inclusivity. I know that humility makes me a better person.
Connection
Third, we need to connect to something bigger than us. For Christians, this something bigger is God. Connecting with God isn’t a matter of right belief, but of right relationship. When we commune with God in experiencing with the vast interconnectedness of all things – by hiking in the woods, watching a sunrise or sunset, or sitting on the beach - negativity dissipates and is replaced with awe, contentment or peace. When we not only see beauty but feel the power of being part of God’s creation, we recognize that our political beliefs are puny. We have a new context for understanding. Renewed by the energy of the Holy Spirit, we can do to those who disagree with us what my parents advised: “Kill them with kindness.” Or in scriptural terms, we can refuse to repay evil with evil. When we live with the power of the holy, we are empowered to be humble and courageous enough to put right relationship over being right in a relationship. And we can live in a colorful world, reflecting appreciation for the colors of us, not just around us.
Patience
By Florida Ellis, DASD, Spiritual Director
Ilive in a community with lots of garden plots, many of which at this time of year have tomato plants in full abundance. There are SO many tomatoes! There is so much joy and delight in the harvest. It was not always so. In the spring the soil was bare, awaiting the spring planting.
My neighbors planted tomato plants in the spring in anticipation of a harvest later. There is an expected path toward fruitfulness and harvest. As time moves forward things get more complicated between my friends and their tomato plants. There are the growing tomatoes and there is their assessment of how they are doing, additionally there is what they do to nurture their plants and their attitude about that too. At any point they may be patient with how their tomatoes are doing or they may find themselves frustrated with how their tomatoes are progressing, or resentful of their part in their care. In other words, they may find themselves impatient with the situation, with the tomatoes, or with themselves or all three.
It’s like this in other arenas of our lives as we move through time. A tomato dilemma lasts only for a season (though it may be a recurring theme). It is perhaps a trivial example, but one that illustrates the complexity of our relationship with parts of our lived experience. We may find ourselves having
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a similar argument with some part of our life. Is our impatience a signal of something deeper?
There is a way to hold those thorny parts where we have expected or preferred outcomes that just aren’t the way we have expected in a way that is generative. We can invite a trusted companion to come alongside us Our spiritual journeys are deeply personal, but we need take the journey alone. A soul friend or a spiritual director can help us name what brings us angst with as much clarity as is available in the present. Together we can invite curiosity and learn to hold the matter in an open hand looking for the guidance of the Spirit. We can wonder about the Spirit’s timing. Is this a time for acceptance, is this a time for action? Perhaps beneath our impatience lies a deep call for action. Is there something we are being called toward? Is there something we are being called away from? Perhaps beneath our restlessness lies an invitation to acceptance, to letting go? Perhaps beneath our restlessness lies an invitation to a deeper trust. We watch for signs and nudges from the Spirit.
A soul friend or spiritual director can wonder with us about the issues that bring out impatience, about God’s presence in it with us, about Gpd’s leading, about God’s timing. Can our impatience open into curiosity and wondering? Can our impatience be for us a generative gift? Can it lead us toward joy?
Speak the Truth in Love
By Rev. Katie Sundermeier, DMin
Zechariah 8:16-17
These are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another, render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace, do not devise evil in your hearts against one another, and love no false oath; for all these are things that I hate, says the Lord.
Ephesians 4:14-16
We must no longer be children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine, by people’s trickery, by their craftiness in deceitful scheming. But speaking the truth in love, we must grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by every ligament with which it is equipped, as each part is working properly, promotes the body’s growth in building itself up in love.
Many of us grew up knowing not to talk about money, sex, religion, or politics. Think back to what you were told and experienced as a child. What topics were discussed and what wasn’t? How, when, and where did these conversations take place? I was born in 1976, and I was fortunate to be raised in a home where my parents intentionally created a space for open and honest conversation— something different in many ways from what they experienced growing up.
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In their own childhoods, my parents were raised in environments where certain topics were difficult or even forbidden to discuss. There were secrets too painful to bring up, and conversations about hard things were often avoided. Determined to create a different environment, they fostered an openness in our home, church, and school lives that allowed for discussions about difficult and yet vital conversations for life.
This commitment to open dialogue extended to topics that many might consider taboo, like politics. My mother was a Republican, and my father was an Independent who mostly voted for Democratic candidates. My sister and I would sometimes sit at the dinner table as they discussed their differing views on the candidates. No one left the table. No one accused the other of not being a Christian because of their vote. Occasionally, one parent even convinced the other to change their vote! These conversations were a powerful example for me of how my parents nurtured an environment where difficult topics could be discussed with respect and love.
Zechariah 8 calls us to “speak the truth and make for peace,” while Ephesians 4 reminds us to “speak the truth in love.” As Christians, how can we speak the truth in love if we avoid discussing Jesus, the Kingdom of God, and money? The only topic Jesus talked about more than money was the Kingdom of God. In today’s world, I believe that speaking the truth in love for the sake of peace is one of our most important responsibilities, both as followers of Christ and as human beings. We need to develop the skills and create the spaces where we can share what we are seeing, knowing, feeling, and wondering.
The truth we are called to speak in love is not merely about honesty or veracity. It is a deeper, more profound truth. It is an articulated morality or righteousness that aligns with the will of God as revealed in the life, death,
and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This truth is rooted in God’s justice, mercy, and love, and it calls us to bear witness to these divine attributes in all that we say and do. Nurturing these deeper truths in our lives is one of the gifts of the local church – to worship and learn and serve in these ways together. Speaking the truth in love is not only about what we say or how we say it, but also about when we say it. We must ask ourselves: Is now the right time to speak this particular truth? Will my words bring more heat than light? Will they build unity or cause division? Will they turn someone toward Christ because of my witness or turn them away? These are critical questions that require a humble heart. Humility is essential in the call to speak the truth in love.
Dr. Carol Pitts shared in her devotional on humility, “Ultimately, this means we are able to value right relationships more than being right.” This echoes a sentiment from a recent New York Times opinion piece, which observed, “The American church is torn apart by conflict over theology. It should be united by a pursuit of virtue. The church that truly influences a nation will be one that focuses on doing good more than on being right.” No doubt, truth is a virtue but so is reconciliation, unity, and peace. And we need both. Both are the ultimate outcomes of speaking the truth in love.
As we reflect on this call to speak the truth in love, guided by the words of Zechariah and Ephesians, let us remember that our goal is to grow in every way to be more like Christ. Sometimes, speaking the truth in love means waiting for the right moment, and at other times, it means boldly proclaiming what is righteous and just without delay. If the truth can’t be spoken in love but can only be spoken out of hurt or anger, perhaps now is not the right time to speak.
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Loving God, grant us the wisdom and grace to speak and live the truth in love, always seeking to build peace in alignment with your will. May Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus now and forever. Amen.
