Flame Magazine Jan 2014

Tony

Lowe

“MR. PHOTOGRAPHER” //AT THE MOVIES WITH DOROTHY

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY //SOUND CHECK

BILL COLEMAN KEEPS THE PEACE //THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOAN

CURING THOSE POST-HOLIDAY, MID-WINTER BLAHS //BECOME WHO YOU ARE

A RESOLUTION AGAINST RESOLUTIONS

//FAVORITE BITCH

MEET YOUR NEW FAVORITE BITCH

ALL NEW!

//PUBLISHER Peter Rayes PETER@FLAME-MAG.COM //MANAGING EDITOR Austin VanKirk AUSTIN@FLAME-MAG.COM //ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR Dorothy “Joan” Stevenson JOAN@FLAME-MAG.COM //ART DIRECTOR Paige Hake //LOCAL ADVERTISING Peter Rayes ADVERTISING@FLAME-MAG.COM //NATIONAL ADVERTISING Rivendell Media 212-242-6863 SALES@RIVENDELLMEDIA.COM //PHOTOGRAPHERS Ricardo DuPerron Alejandro Garza DWS Photography Murray Grondin Claudia Ham Tony Lowe Al Shimmary //CONTRIBUTORS Jason Burtt Trent Davis Jai Ferrick Joseph Gerbino Jim O’Connoll Steven Palmer Tyler Ricardi Ed Sikov Joan Stevenson Jason Salerno Miss Tiger //GRAPHIC DESIGN PR Solutions //WEB DEVELOPMENT PR Solutions INFO@THEPRSITE.NET 4//

JANUARY 2014

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CONTENTS

JANUARY 2014

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BILL COLEMAN KEEPS THE PEACE Bill Coleman’s influence in dance music spans three decades.

Through his music label, Peace Bisquit, he aims to keep the pulse of house beating stronger than ever in 2014. Coleman was always attracted to music. After graduating college, he interned at...

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TONY LOWE: “MR. PHOTOGRAPHER” PHOTO BY TONY LOWE

Tony Lowe is one of the most recognizable names in Detroit’s LGBT scene. He’s a published photographer, an experienced bartender, a self-proclaimed car enthusiast, and an exceptionally keen artist. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Tony for years in the bar scene at some of Detroit’s most celebrated...

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THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY

MEET YOUR NEW FAVORITE BITCH

CURING THOSE POSTHOLIDAY, MID-WINTER BLAHS

A RESOLUTION AGAINST RESOLUTIONS

AT THE MOVIES WITH DOROTHY

FAVORITE BITCH Walter Mitty is a quiet, mildmannered man who works in the negative-asset management department for Life Magazine.

His days are spent organizing and cataloging the negatives of pictures that are used in the magazine...

There’s a new bitch in town. But not just any bitch...your soon-to-be Favorite Bitch! I’m so excited to bring my weekly advice column to FLAME Magazine and to all of you fierce & fabulous readers! Have you ever needed some good ol’ fashioned advice with the trifling...

THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOAN Happy New Year Flamers! The holidays have finally come to a close: all the joy, the aggravation, the hustle and bustle, the partying, the overeating (and drinking, lol). Time to pack up the lights and tinsel...

BECOME WHO YOU ARE So the holidays are over. We’ve had our pies, cookies, cocktails, and sweet kisses at midnight. Whether magical or hectic, disappointing or memorable, it’s time to start a new year where we all return to a neutral, middle ground after the craziness that came with last year’s end....

JANUARY 2014

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FLAME // AT THE MOVIES WITH DOROTHY

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY “AN ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT FILM”

IN THEATERS DEC. 25, 2013 RATING: 5/5 STARS written by: Dorothy “Joan” Stevenson

Ben Stiller // WALTER MITTY Kristen Wiig // CHERYL MELHOFF Shirley Maclaine // EDNA MITTY Adam Scott // TED HENDRICKS Kathryn Hahn // ODESSA MITTY Sean Penn // SEAN O’CONNELL

Walter Mitty is a quiet, mild-mannered man who works in the negative-asset management department for Life Magazine.

His days are spent organizing and cataloging the negatives of pictures that are used in the magazine. Day in and day out all he sees are pictures of the world, of other people’s lives while daydreaming that his life was more adventurous, more fulfilling, and less lonely. He also daydreams about Cheryl (Wiig), a girl who works in the office that he has a crush on, but he’s too shy to approach her. One day it is announced that Life Magazine will no longer be a print magazine and will be produced online only. This sends a shockwave through the entire company, because several people will be out of work.

The executive team in charge of the transition is less than sympathetic and wants to implement the change as soon as possible. Since the next cover will be the magazine’s last, the head of the transitional team wants it to be a dynamic photo.

World renowned photo journalist Sean O’Connell (Penn) has just sent in a roll of film and has indicated that negative 25 is the photo that should be used. Walter has been handling O’Connell’s film for years, and the two have had a tentative simpatico relationship. When Walter receives the negative packet, negative 25 is missing. Walter panics as he tries to find it. The head of the transition team, Ted Hendricks (Scott), who has pretty much no feeling for Walter other than thinly veiled contempt, pressures Walter to produce the negative or he’s fired. Walter furiously tries to track down negative 25 by trying to retrace O’Connell’s last known whereabouts to contact him. The search for negative 25 unexpectedly becomes the adventure that Walter has been dreaming about all his life.

First-time director Ben Stiller’s The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty bears a slight resemblance to the 1947 Danny Kaye Film of the same name in basic premise, but Ben really pulls this story into the modern age with inspired visual storytelling and the feeling of loss once you understand that Life Magazine, one of the finest photojournalist publications in history has fallen to progress. Even though the last print issue was actually published in May of 2000, you still feel that sense of loss as all of the employees are realizing that this is the end of an era.

Ben’s portrayal of Walter is heartening. Everyone knows Walter, everyone has been Walter, so we are all sitting in our seats living his fantastic journey along with him. This journey that takes him around the world and back only to find that living life is all about taking chances. Safe is safe, but sometimes you have to let go and live. The recurring motto of Life Magazine which Walter comes to truly understand is: “To see things thousands of miles away, things hidden behind walls and within rooms, things dangerous to come to, to draw closer, to see and be amazed.”

Including a mind-blowing soundtrack and a surprisingly grounded performance by SNL’s Kristen Wiig with a brief scene with the always wonderful Shirley Maclaine as Walter’s mom, The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty is an absolutely brilliant film and should be seen. Humorous and touching, it should leave you with a good and hopeful, positive feeling. I urge you to not miss this film.

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JANUARY 2014

FLAME // SOUND CHECK

BILL COLEMAN KEEPS THE PEACE written by: JC Alvarez

Bill Coleman’s influence in dance music spans three decades.

Through his music label, Peace Bisquit, he aims to keep the pulse of house beating stronger than ever in 2014.

Coleman was always attracted to music. After graduating college, he interned at Island Records during the imprint’s most influential era, promoting rock star Melissa Etheridge and Grace Jones’ hit album Slave to the Rhythm.

He then landed a position with the nation’s most prestigious music industry periodical Billboard Magazine. As Dance Music Editor, he became one of the most respected voices in house, even writing the liner notes for ’80s artists Thompson Twins and the girl group Exposé.

In the late ’90s he launched Peace Bisquit as a management firm. Among his first successful acts were Ultra Naté and Deee-Lite, two artists who yielded some of the biggest international club hits of the time with “Free” and “Groove Is In The Heart.”

Since then, he has extended Peace Bisquit’s reach by providing the soundtrack to cult films like “Party Girl” starring Parker Posey, “Party Monster,” “Inside Deep Throat” (a collaboration with Academy Award winning producer Brian Grazer), and the “Another Gay Movie” franchise. Most recently, Peace Bisquit has curated music for the new Broadway smash, After Midnight.

Coleman has also worked with some of the most powerful stars in music including Bette Midler, Madonna, Beyoncé, RuPaul, Lenny Kravitz, Crystal Waters, and Donna Summer.

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He created original works for Sinead O’Connor and coproduced Jody Watley’s newest single, “Nightlife.” He also introduced vocal powerhouse Chris Willis to the world. Willis’ collaborations with David Guetta on “Love Is Gone,” “Just A Little More Love,” and “Getting’ Over You” continue to play on dance floors across the globe.

That’s not all. Bill Coleman has represented and collaborated with some of the most influential DJ/remixers of our day, including NERVO, David Morales, Todd Terry, Roger Sanchez, Tony Moran, Frankie Knuckles, and WAWA. He has also heavily influenced gay club culture. Bill Coleman is the man behind such nightlife personalities as Amanda Lepore, hiphop’s gay rapper Cazwell, and adult film star turned crooner, Colton Ford.

This month, Bill Coleman will release his most ambitious project yet, LOVE + SEXO: A Peace Bisquit Compilation. The album will feature exclusive and brand new releases from the cast of Peace Bisquit including Michelle Williams (of Destiny’s Child), Ultra Naté, Colton Ford, Cazwell, Amanda Lepore, Mya and the ever-soulful Angie Stone; proof that even in 2014, there will be no parking on Bill Coleman’s dance floor.

Visit PeaceBisquit.com.

BILL COLEMAN… **DANCED FOR LADY GAGA **TOURED WITH JODY WATLEY AND THE COMEDY TROUPE KIDS IN THE HALL **IS FEATURED ON THE VERY FIRST SEDUCTION 12” SINGLE RELEASE **SCORED TWO TOP-10 CLUB SINGLES (“ACTIVATOR (YOU NEED SOME)” AND “KNOW YOU CAN”) WITH LOUIE “BALO” GUZMAN AS WHATEVER, GIRL **APPEARS IN PAUL VITAGLIANO’S CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED BOOK COLLECTION OF LGBT PORTRAIT ESSAYS, “BORN THIS WAY” **DANCED IN MC LYTE’S OLD SCHOOL HIP-HOP VIDEO CLASSIC, “LYTE AS A ROCK.” **MANAGED WORLD OF WONDER’S RANDY BARBATO AND FENTON BAILEY’S (THE PRODUCTION DUO BEHIND RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE) UNDERRATED EARLY ‘90’S MUSIC ENDEAVOR “THE POP TARTS.”

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Tony

Lowe

“MR. PHOTOGRAPHER”

introduction by Peter Rayes interview by Ramsey Katynski | photos by Tony Lowe

Tony Lowe is one of the most recognizable names in Detroit’s LGBT scene. He’s a published photographer, an experienced bartender, a self-proclaimed car enthusiast, and an exceptionally keen artist. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Tony for years in the bar scene at some of Detroit’s most celebrated nightclubs, and in a professional office setting, publishing Flame Magazine. When I decided it was time to deservedly showcase his talents, I knew it would be an interesting experience. Sometime during each month, I send whichever photographer I think would do particularly well with the following issue’s concept an assignment. In December, I submitted the assignment for the January 2014 feature of Flame Magazine to Tony Lowe with his name listed next to both “photographer” and “subject.” Then, via text message, I confirmed that the assignment was to submit self-shot photographs for publication. As always, he didn’t disappoint.

I feel honored and privileged to provide this medium for him to exhibit his high level of skill and talent, which arguably goes beyond that of any of his peers’ whom I have met in this industry. Without further ado, Ramsey Katynski’s interview with a class act—a dear friend and incredible talent—a man we call Tony Lowe…

JANUARY 2014

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FLAME // FEATURE: TONY LOWE

You have quite an extensive history of work with a variety of local publications. How did you get into this line of work?

assortment of names and faces.

I started by helping local photographers during their shoots, and it lead me to meet the editors for publications. For example, Real Detroit Weekly,” offered me an internship (and more recently a staff position), and at the same time in 2011, Peter Rayes and I launched Flame Magazine.

Yeah, what I like to do most of the time when I’m partaking in anything, I want it to be a positive experience for everyone.

The queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race or other celebrities should get the impression that Detroit is growing, fun, and a place where they can always come to enjoy themselves.

When I’m doing photography at events, I want to reflect that being here is a positive experience.

Your involvement isn’t limited to working with publications; you’re quite active in the LGBT community as a whole. You must be very tight for time.

We’ve had a number of renown individuals come through our area, and you always seem to be in on the action.

How is that?

Definitely. I am highly involved. Between Real Detroit Weekly, Flame Magazine, my day job, and finishing up my degree, I don’t have much time. Also, on the side, I work with a lot of friends who are cosmetologists and stylists—shooting for them and helping pick up people or running them around. I do a fair number of local events, too.

Well, thankfully for our community, we’ve had a few people on the leading edge of what is popular within our [local and national community]. Peter and Murray have been very good at bringing in entertainers, and became comfortable with me making sure these folks are taken care of. I get a kick out of posting photos on Instagram of the queens and I goofing around. Nick George asked me to start coming to Peter and Murray’s events a few years back and I guess we really hit it off.

How do you feel your involvement affects the community?

You’ve probably come into contact with a rather large

The Drag Circuit is obviously a staple to our community, and a number of famous Queens have used your photography. They must think very highly of you!

A few of them have, at least for their Facebook pages. They probably don’t know me from Adam because they’re running all over the world, but a couple of bars around the country have used my images for their ads, and its definitely a boon for me to get to work with them! (And we have fun!) Some people keep in touch more than others . . . the community is a lot smaller than people think. I’m just honored to call some of these people friends as well as possibly work with them again—or get drunk with them.

It sounds like you’re running at a million miles an hour.

Do you feel like you’re flying off by the seat of your pants or are you more of a tight-ship kind of guy?

It’s really kind of both. I don’t know what “free time” is, and when/if it comes, I don’t know what to do with myself.

Something always comes up. An assignment. Working.

Working out. Game of Thrones—which has totally taken up my entire Holiday season . . . [along with] American Horror Story. More or less, I don’t know what a social life is anymore.

It’s definitely not a complaint, I’m glad I’m busy. There are plenty of people who aren’t busy doing what they love, and what I’ve been doing is changing and adding to my list of capabilities all the time!

What is the craziest thing that has happened to you while working? Has anyone/anything surprised you?

There are plenty of things that I . . . can’t tell you. I would totally get into trouble! I think the craziest thing that I can tell you was this one time [I was] in Peter Hendrickson’s truck with Latrice and Raja, we ordered fifty dollars of Sonic for the DEV Show . . . And that was just Latrice and Raja’s order alone! I totally have to say that, because I just can’t tell you what I’ve done with Detox and Vicky Vox. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?

It’s a culmination of things—I’ve got to work with some of

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my best friends! Having been published internationally was a huge step for me. I feel like every step is just another chance to keep developing my credentials and name, both [inside and outside] the LGBT community. I wouldn’t tie it down to a singular feat, but more to the fact that my career has been growing.

What have you got lined up for 2014? Tell me a little about your aspirations, both personally and professionally.

A few friends and I have been gunning to collaborate on more challenging projects. Real Detroit Weekly has a lot lined up that I’ll need to work on. I plan to finish my degree this year, too, so I can finish that chapter. In more ways than one, there’s plenty of opportunities to grow and learn. Personally, I’ve also been seeing someone . . . we’ll see where that goes.

I mean, making more time for myself would be cool. This past year allowed for more personal growth, but [I hope 2014 allows for] more time to share with friends or to have new experiences—rather than running between work and school and not sleeping.

You’re planning on sticking around, right?

The option to move is always there. I’ve kind of always thought that if I were going to move, it’d be temporary and I’d end up back here. I feel like at some point it would be cool to live somewhere else to learn and experience another city outside of vacationing—I’ve lived here since I was six years old. As much as the area’s growing and changing, it might be cool to take in another part of the world and bring that experience back home and apply it to this city and this community.

life or do differently?

I guess my biggest regret or thing that I would change (in my head) is I wish I would have tried to finish school a little earlier. Looking back on that, the way that everything has happened and how my life has unfolded has taught me that going with the flow will get you to where you’re supposed to be. I definitely believe in destiny, mostly because at this point I realize that what I’m doing now doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what I’ll be doing later, but it will somehow lead to that.

What I do is always evolving and changing.

Was this your first interview?

[Yes,] you totally popped my cherry. Oh baby, oh baby.

Do you have anything else you’d like to tell everyone?

There is nothing wrong with understanding yourself and knowing where you need to grow and what you need to learn.

Don’t be afraid to leave your comfort zone. Except for fisting.

If you’re into that—God bless. Lube—lube it up, please. // instagram.com/tonylowephoto facebook.com/tonylowephoto

What would you say your “motto” is?

Go with the flow. If you’re receiving a lot of resistance within yourself to make a decision or commitment, you should probably do the opposite. Having said that, my memoir would be called “Never Been Fisted.”

What’s your biggest secret?

I used to play Magic the Gathering in high school. I was kind of a bomb-ass bitch.

So you’re a nerd?

I’m totally a nerd, absolutely a nerd. I can tell you, I have an obnoxious amount of Star Wars knowledge. I’m not in any way a “Trekkie,” although I do like the new J. J. Abrams films.

World of Warcraft?

No, but I do Starcraft. I mean, I have to sleep—that’s like not sleeping at all.

Hillary Clinton?

2016.

Often times you’re on the other end of the interviews.

Have you ever wanted to ask someone something that you just couldn’t?

Everyone comes from a different background, and each person experiences things uniquely, but what I would like to ask people . . . what I should be asking people is “What would you change about your life? Do you have regrets or would you have done something differently?”

Do you have regrets? What would you change about your

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FLAME // FAVORITE BITCH

written by: Miss Tiger There’s a new bitch in town. But not just any bitch ... your soon-to-be Favorite Bitch! I’m so excited to bring my weekly advice column to FLAME Magazine and to all of you fierce & fabulous readers! Have you ever needed some good ol’ fashioned advice with the trifling people in your life? You know, the kind of advice that your evil auntie or drunken (but wise) grandma would give you. Well, when you can’t bring yourself to tell them all about it—babies, you have Miss Tiger! What makes me an authority on such matters? Well, years ago, I used to run a cabaret in an infamous suck n’ fuck AKA adult theater in Chicago. I never took advantage of the “employee discount,” however, I did take on the unofficial role of madame, oops, I mean ... den mother to all walks of life that wandered in. I was constantly being sought out by the patrons AND the employees, all of whom were definitely people with problems. For example, people such as the businessmen on the down-low, who came in for afternoon quickies. They might’ve been smart as hell when it came to financial matters, but these dudes were dumb as fuck when it came to tricking. Then there were the strippers, escorts, and porn stars who worked there. Jesus Christ, I should’ve charged those motha fuckahs for all the advice I gave, and for all the shit they stole along the way! Oh, and I mustn’t forget the wives of the customers. I can’t tell you how many of them sashayed in, only to get their faces cracked after they found out what kind of a place was behind the charges on their husband’s credit card. But I helped them, too. Hell, I even helped ‘em find new dick and a good divorce attorney!

Ahhh, then there were the celebrities who were in town for more than just movie productions, if you know what I mean.

While we slurp on slushies, sitting in the front row watching their films ... these bastards were sitting in the front row of that adult theater slurpin’ on the biggest dick they could find!

You know what they say about “Silence is Golden,” well, so are the diamond rings I got for keeping silent. Whether you’re fabulous or a hot mess, or maybe you just need a good laugh—I’m here to help you with both! Write me and get the goddamn answers you’ve been searching for! I help all kinds of people: The SOON-TO-BE-EVICTED ‘cause you’re livin’ large instead of payin’ the rent • the twink and the perverted old troll that’s paying him in cash & gummy bears • the closet case gagging on dick in a parked car during his lunch hour on WOODWARD & WEST JEFFERSON • the LESBIAN who just can’t resist a bar fight • the PAPI with more cake than all of Duncan Motha Fuckin’ Hines • the drunk downing a shot

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of rubbing alcohol • the alimony collector and daddy owing back child support • the GANGSTA DRAG QUEEN with a criminal record • the baby-makin’ wreck who blames allergic reactions to rubbers as to why she’s pregnant for the fifth fuckin’ time • the FASHIONISTA • the MOTHA FUCKAH plagued by chronic electricity disconnection notices • the leather cub who gets tossed around more than a football at a LIONS’ game • the deep throater and double penetrator • the cheap ass suburbanite buying fake-ass Louis Vuitton • the TRANSEXUAL & BISEXUAL • the bi-curious jock claiming he only went to GIGI’S for the New Year’s Eve Midnight Buffett • the breakdancer performing on public transportation • the aging housewife turned PLASTIC SURGERY MISHAP turned transvestite look-alike • the moonlighting hooker • the bad girl and thug-4-life • the catwalker & VOGUE WALKER • the sexual deviant and chronic masturbator • the rich & shamelessly famous • the broke & unknown • the STRAIGHT PERSON who finds this column by mistake and loves it • the millimeter peter and dude wearing a Magnum because it really fits • the PILL POPPIN MESS • the conspiracy-theory-misfit who is convinced she was abducted, probed and impregnated by extra terrestrials and last but not least, someone FABULOUS like you!

MISS TIGER ADVICE COLUMNIST • SIRIUSXM RADIO PERSONALITY ... AND EVERYONE’S #FAVORITEBITCH! WEBSITE: FAVORITEBITCH.COM TWITTER: @MISSTIGER ADVICE: ASK@MISSTIGER.COM

FLAME // THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOAN

CURING THOSE POST-HOLIDAY, written by: Joan Stevenson Happy New Year Flamers! The holidays have finally come to a close: all the joy, the aggravation, the hustle and bustle, the partying, the overeating (and drinking, lol). Time to pack up the lights and tinsel. Sweep those pine needles out the door and start a fresh new year. As stressful as the holidays can be, most of us have a very real reaction when they are over. Some of us are relieved, but some experience a little sadness that the season has passed. That’s when the midwinter blahs start to creep in. January is a weird time for me because I am one of those people who experience mood changes in winter because of the lack of sunlight. It’s also difficult because January is usually when the big snow comes and you end up being stuck inside A LOT. We got our first big snow in December this season so hopefully it won’t get any worse (knock on wood). When January hits, you also realize that it’s a long way till spring.

So when January comes, and the post holiday, mid-winter blues begin, what can you do to combat them? If you over indulged this holiday season, you’re probably dragging a little.

That would make you not want to move at all, but just a little activity, even if it’s just a walk around the block in some fresh air and especially some sunshine can go a long way to get your endorphins going. That will help break the blues—no question. If you ate a lot of rich foods, getting back to your usual diet can also help. If you did a lot of binge drinking, leave off the booze for a while. Alcohol is a depressant, so it can make your blue mood even bluer. Encourage your creativity.

If you’re an artist, or musician, or writer, or crafter, this is a perfect time to focus on that project you’ve been putting off or start a new one. Keeping your creative juices going is a guaranteed way to chase away those blues. I’m currently working on a recording project, and I also occasionally create/ edit videos for my blog. That always gives me a boost when things get gloomy.

If you are the kind of person who does for others during the holidays, this would be a great time to focus on YOU. If you’ve been worrying about making other people happy, now’s the time to think about what makes you happy. Pamper yourself.

Catch up on the sleep you’ve been missing. Get back into the swing of your regular routine. If you’re the type that looks forward to the quiet after the flurry of holiday activity, then January is great for kicking back and relaxing and...possibly making a list of goals for the coming year, hmm?

January is your clean slate, your reset button. The only thing that should be blue, is your skies, and the sky’s the limit! So kick those blahs and begin your 2014 strong and positive.

You’ve got a lot of Flaming to do! //

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FLAME // BECOME WHO YOU ARE

A RESOLUTION AGAINST RESOLUTIONS written by: Austin VanKirk So the holidays are over. We’ve had our pies, cookies, cocktails, and sweet kisses at midnight. Whether magical or hectic, disappointing or memorable, it’s time to start a new year where we all return to a neutral, middle ground after the craziness that came with last year’s end. We set our sights on a bright year, better than the one before, and to make that come true, we construct a plan of attack, a set of actions, more commonly referred to as “New Year’s Resolutions.”

I’ve never been one to make these resolutions, nor have I ever quite understood them. When I was younger, my mom, like thousands of others, would promise every New Year that she would eat healthier and exercise more, all in effort to be thinner and more fit. She wanted to better identify with the conventional understanding of what it means to look attractive, beautiful, sexy. I don’t think she ever believed that she succeeded in meeting this goal, and annually gave it up once Lent ended and she binged on chocolate (a flaw in her plan that she is sort of famous for).

I don’t think that my mom can really be blamed for her failure.

Raising my sister and me, maintaining our stupidly large house, caring for our many pets, doing yard work with my dad, and maintaining a full-time job were only a few of the obstacles. The biggest reason for her perceived failure was the impossible standards she set for herself: she wanted to look like the actresses and models she saw on her magazine covers.

I’d like to remind her, as I want to remind everyone, that those beautiful people we see in print and on screens, it is their jobs to be beautiful. They get paid to go to the gym, wear the latest designer outfits, and have the trendiest hairstyles.

Many of these people don’t have children or the same sort of responsibilities that everyday people do. It takes time to become “beautiful,” and then even more time to maintain that beauty. I don’t know about other people, but I don’t have that kind of time. I have three jobs, a puppy to care for, a novel in the critical stages of publishing, a tenuous social life, all of which is addressed between weak attempts at romance. If I get a chance to go the gym, it’s usually because I’m neglecting some other person or aspect in my life.

“THE BIGGEST REASON FOR HER PERCEIVED FAILURE WAS THE IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS SHE SET FOR HERSELF...”

For some people, making time for fitness isn’t so difficult. For them, it becomes such an imperative, how could they not run those miles and lift those weights? How could they possibly indulge in that slice of pizza? If you are one of those people who can juggle life while maintaining your beauty, that’s truly awesome and I applaud your determination. I wish I had the

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same fortitude as you. Unfortunately, many of us just don’t have as much time or as many resources to live as you do.

Yet, I don’t think the lack of faculties to achieve these standards is the issue. The real problem here is the disdain the gay community holds for people who do not live up to the ridiculous status quo we set for ourselves. We are a culture-within-a-culture that has a preoccupation with beauty which only serves to magnify the ways an individual does not meet our subculture’s standards. It is this preoccupation that creates in all of us a predominating fear that we will be perceived as “ugly.”

Why do so many people, in and outside of the gay community, make resolutions that will ostensibly bring them closer to that ideal of beauty? What is this obsession with looking attractive?

Why do we live in—and enable—a society that is teaching us to believe we aren’t, in some way, “good enough”?

I don’t want to resort to a slew of meaningless platitudes (yet another quality for which my mom is famous), and I don’t want to imply that I believe “true beauty is on the inside” (because that’s just something ugly people say). What I do want is to ask everyone considering his latest New Year’s resolution(s) to reexamine the reasons behind these. If you’re seeking to improve yourself because it’s what you want, please do it.

Maybe you’re doing it for your health, maybe you want to challenge yourself—whatever the reason, do it for yourself and your loved ones, not because you feel it’s what society expects and demands.

I’m not saying we should all forego regular bathing and exercise (as I often do). That being said we shouldn’t be beating ourselves up because of our appearances, try to “fix”ourselves, and then be even more disappointed when we do not meet the impossible standards set, either.

But what do I know? //

NOVEMBER 2013

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GOLD COAST // SIN JANUARY 2014

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