Dec. 4 Issue

DECEM

BER

Unwind Section B Dec. 4, 2014

Volume 83, Issue 15

www.FlorAla.net

Student newspaper of the University of North Alabama

SGA

Senate passes resolution, promotes equality KRISTEN GOODE

AT A GLANCE

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College is a stressful time in the lives of all students. And to one UNA student, college is even harder when facing the risk of being harassed in the restroom. “School is rough enough and when you’re having to constantly watch your back and feeling like there is no protection for you, it makes it even worse,� he said. “It’s not fun having to scope out bathrooms that you can go to and then, the whole time before you go through that door, wondering if somebody else is going to be there, wondering if they are going to make a comment, if when you come out somebody sees you and gets in your face and says hateful things — even threaten to beat the crap out of you.�

The student, who asked to remain anonymous, citing fears of safety for both him and his family, described multiple incidents of harassment.

The student talked about a time he left a restroom in Stevens Hall and was confronted by “a group of guys that blocked my way, surrounded me and threatened to kick my ass.�

The student said the males told him there was no place on Earth for people like him and the death of all transgender people would make the world a better place.

Often, if he went into women’s restrooms while females were there, he would be called names like “dyke� and be laughed at. Once a group of girls started quoting Bible passages about homosexuality and sin among themselves, he said.

The student said all of the stress and pressure of being transgender while being in school is mentally draining.

He told his story to SGA Senate Nov. 20, inspiring the senators to pass a resolution asking the university administration to create gender-neural bathrooms on campus.

TO THE RESOLUTION, GENDER-NEUTRAL OR FAMILY RESTROOMS ARE SINGLE- OR MULTISTALL FACILITIES WITH A DEADBOLT LOCK ON THE MAIN ENTRANCE TO PROVIDE A PRIVATE SETTING FOR AN INDIVIDUAL OR FAMILY. THE RESTROOMS SHOULD ALSO INCLUDE DIAPERCHANGING TABLES AND BE SIGNED AS GENDER-NEUTRAL OR FAMILY.

• ALL BUILDINGS NAMED IN THE

• SGAʟS RESOLUTION ASKS AT LEAST ONE RESTROOM IN

RESOLUTION HAVE MULTIPLE

EVERY BUILDING OR CLUSTER OF

BATHROOMS, SO GENDERED

BUILDINGS BE MARKED GENDER-

OPTIONS WILL STILL BE

NEUTRAL OR FAMILY RESTROOM.

AVAILABLE.

• THE RESOLUTION WILL NOT BE SENT TO THE BOARD OF TRUSTEES FOR A VOTE. INSTEAD

SGA REQUESTS A YEARLY UPDATE FROM ADMINISTRATION ABOUT THE PROGRESS TOWARD IMPLEMENTING THESE RESTROOMS.

ACCORDING

Although there is limited data on the size of the transgender population, it is estimated that 0.3 percent of all American adults are transgender, according to Pew Research Center.

There is not research available regarding the transgender population at UNA. However, SGA senators said campus restrooms need to accommodate all people.

The resolution will help LGBT students, as well as parents with small children of the opposite sex who have business being on campus, said Senator Nikki Messer, co-author of the resolution.

Jacob Ezell, Title IX Advisory Board student member and former senator, said it is important for students to remember not all campus restrooms will be converted to gender-neutral if the administration chooses to act on SGA’s resolution.

�

I WILL SAY THAT I HAVE

HEARD A LOT OF NEGATIVE

FEEDBACK ON SOCIAL MEDIA, AND I FEEL AS THOUGH

90

PERCENT OF THIS COMES FROM IGNORANCE.

SAMUEL SATTERFIELD

SGA SECRETARY

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INSIDE

NEWS . . . . . . . . 2A VIEWPOINTS . . . . 4A this weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s paper SPORTS . . . . . . . 5A

LIFE . . . . . . . . 7A SPECIAL . . . . . . . 1B EXTRA . . . . . . . . 8B

BEAD FOR LIFE SALE ..........2B

Please recycle your paper.

2A NEWS

Dec. 4, 2014 â&#x20AC;˘ The Flor-Ala

HEALTH

Officials investigate ĘźdiscriminatoryĘź body fat testing

photo by DALLAS MOORE I Chief Photographer

Members of the auxiliary line march during a performance at the Sept. 27 home game against Valdosta State University. The former mandate that the Lionettes and color guard members maintain 21.9 body fat percentage was suspended after a Title IX investigation began in August.

ASHLEY REMKUS

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The university suspended testing body fat percentage of members of the Pride of Dixie auxiliary line, and a Title IX investigation began at the end of August, officials said.

Before the 2014 fall semester, Lionettes and majorettes were required to maintain a body fat percentage of 21.9 to perform. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We have removed the testing because it is a discriminatory practice to prevent performances based on body fat percentage for this type of activity,â&#x20AC;? said Title IX Coordinator Tammy Jacques. â&#x20AC;&#x153;There were several different concerns and issues. The plan is for it to be permanently removed, but we are still working with them on this.â&#x20AC;?

Jacques said the Title IX investigation resulted from a studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s concerns. â&#x20AC;&#x153;A student was talking with a university employee about the requirements creating an environment

that causes people not to eat,â&#x20AC;? she said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The faculty member wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t sure what to do with the info and came to me with it. I contacted our Title IX attorney, and we learned it can be considered discriminatory, so we started evaluating our practices.â&#x20AC;?

Some girls who struggled with maintaining a BFP of 21 in the past resorted to unhealthy practices to get their percentage down, according to a former Pride of Dixie member. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I knew of girls not showering and not drinking anything â&#x20AC;&#x201D; water, juice â&#x20AC;&#x201D; nothing on weigh-in days,â&#x20AC;? said Meagan Blackburn, a former color guard member. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Most of the people involved with auxiliary had rabbit food diets. I knew a girl who ate baby food because she could get the nutrients without as much bloat or extra weight.â&#x20AC;?

The health requirements that were imposed on the auxiliaries were in no way unhealthy, said Lloyd Jones, director of the Pride of Dixie band, in an April 2014 interview. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We encourage girls to talk to their

doctors about the health requirements,â&#x20AC;?

Jones said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve never had a doctor say that this is unhealthy â&#x20AC;&#x201D; ever.â&#x20AC;?

Blackburn said she never knew of any Pride of Dixie members completely starving themselves or purging before weigh-in day.

Although the BFP requirement of 21 was not unhealthy, the testing methods used for the auxiliaries may not be accurate, said Glenda Richey, coordinator of fitness, in an April 2014 interview. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not really not opposed to the 21 percent, but my problem is their testing,â&#x20AC;?

Richey said.

She said the tester that was used on the auxiliaries uses default measurements for each girl, so if one girl had more muscle than another girl, she would measure over her goal because the machine cannot determine how much of the girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mass is fat. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Body Fat machine is an Omron handheld machine that sends electrodes throughout your body that calibrates your BFP,â&#x20AC;? said Rebecca Tedder, trainer

for the auxiliary line. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Basically you enter your sex, height and weight, and it reads your BFP.â&#x20AC;?

A current member of the auxiliary line who asked to remain anonymous said the tests were done without considering height and weight. Because of the girlâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s height, she was typically above the BFP requirement.

Richey said the most accurate form of BFP measurement is an underwater test, but because that is not feasible, the skin fold test is the next most accurate and should be used for testing the auxiliary line.

The skin fold test is performed using calibers to pinch fat on the arms, abs and thighs to find BFP, she said.

Jones said the auxiliary lineâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s BFP requirement differed from that of other Pride of Dixie members because their bodies are more exposed during performances, so they were required to maintain a lower BFP.

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ADMINISTRATION

Rachal accepts full-time position as university media director ASHLEY REMKUS

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The university named a new director for Public Affairs and Media Relations Nov. 17.

Bryan Rachal served as interim director since March before being selected for the full-time position. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m very excited about the job,â&#x20AC;?

Rachal said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m looking forward to getting everybody excited about what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing here at UNA. This is a great place to work.â&#x20AC;?

Officials filled the position left vacant

when former director Terry Pace left UNA for medical reasons in March. â&#x20AC;&#x153;This is a very critical position because the university is constantly wanting to communicate to the public and its constituencies significant events and activities,â&#x20AC;? said Vice President for University Advancement Dan Hendricks. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Should crisis occur, the director of media relations becomes the universityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s spokesperson.â&#x20AC;?

Hendricks said the internal search for a new director was conducted by a committee within the university.

Rachal served as college gift officer since February 2013, raising funds for

the Colleges of Business, Education and International Affairs. â&#x20AC;&#x153;We had a number of applications, including three very strong finalists,â&#x20AC;?

Hendricks said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;From the moment Bryan took the interim position, he seemed to develop a passion for the work and was especially successful in forging relationships with local media and our academic units.â&#x20AC;?

Rachal said his former experience working in TV, radio and print media benefit him in the position, and his work for UNA helps him with understanding the needs of the university. â&#x20AC;&#x153;The thing about doing the

fundraising is you have to learn all facets of university,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;You have to know whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on with each department.

Working with people as a fundraiser, you learn what they like or donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t like, and that helps with crafting press releases.â&#x20AC;?

He said he hopes to increase the universityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s exposure, expanding it out of North Alabama.

The way to accomplish this is by letting the community know what is happening on campus, he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Our students, staff and faculty are doing what other schools are doing and getting recognition for,â&#x20AC;? he said. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I want us to get that recognition.â&#x20AC;?

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

photo by DALLAS MOORE I Chief Photographer

Mollie Schaefer, member of the Student Welfare Committee, presents the gender-neutral restrooms resolution to the Senate floor Nov. 20. Senate passed the resolution by a vote of 24-0-3.

:-;74=<176 KWV\QV]ML NZWU XIOM ) Ezell also said the goal of the resolution was not to decide which restrooms should be changed or how the options need to be provided, but rather to make suggestions to administration.

“It should be the role of the university and the administration and facilities to

<-;<16/ KWV\QV]ML NZWU XIOM ) “The Lionettes and majorettes, because they wear a sequined swimsuit, (had BFP) standards that’s a little higher than the color guard because (the color guard members) are a little more covered,” he said.

If a member did not achieve the required BFP, she was not kicked off the line, but would be benched for that weekend’s performance, he said.

BFP was tested Mondays, and if a girl was over the requirement, she had to weigh-in again Wednesday. If she had not reached her goal by then, she was benched for the weekend, Jones said.

“They (were) kind of like second string,” he said. “Other athletics, like the football team, have a second string for if somebody is not performing as well.”

Jacques said body fat percentage does not determine a person’s ability to perform.

determine how they want to provide these,” he said. “This is just saying we want the option to be available.”

The resolution calls for a genderneutral bathroom in every building or building cluster on campus. The resolution specifies which existing restrooms on campus Senate recommends changing to gender-neural, as well as asks that each new building include a gender-neutral bathroom.

“If they have the ability to perform like everybody else, they should be able to,” she said. “They can’t be stopped from performing because of what they look like in an outfit. Performance cannot be measure by BFP.” Girls who were above the required BFP also had to stay for an extra 30 minutes after practice every day, said a member of the auxiliary line, who asked to remain anonymous.

“It’s really easy for a member to say ‘Well, yeah, I’m eating what you told me to eat and not eating what you told me to eat, and I’m doing everything you told me to do, and I don’t see a bit of change,’ well then obviously they’re not doing it,” Jones said. “The only time we’ve see it’s not effective is when a member was not following the plan, and they wanted to attribute some shortcoming — they wanted to blame something besides themselves. We’ve never seen anything negative when they follow the system.”

Jacques said because the girls are athletes, they may be expected to stay

NEWS 3A

SGA Treasurer Adam McCollum said the costs to UNA would be $27 per sign and $100-150 per deadbolt. Both items will be required to change an existing “men’s” or “women’s” restroom to gender-neutral.

“It’s that easy to make a genderneutral restroom — just by changing a sign,” Ezell said. “If the university doesn’t want to create these just by changing signs, they can build new ones or use ones that are only a few stalls and change it to one person. There are a lot of options.”

Prior to the start of the Senate meeting, many students, alumni and community members sent their comments and concerns about the resolution to Senate.

“I will say that I have heard a lot of negative feedback on social media, and I feel as though 90 percent of this comes from ignorance,” said Secretary Samuel Satterfield, during the discussion of the resolution.

Satterfield cited the anonymous student opinion provided to the senators.

“I blame the SGA for not providing enough information on this topic,” he said. “If you really want fitting opinions, then inform what your full intent is.”

Satterfield said he agreed with the student opinion, saying students do not know what the issue is and that SGA should have done a better job of educating them.

“I cannot vote on this issue because the students on this campus are not educated,” said Senator Jensen Joiner during the discussion, who abstained from voting on the resolution.

Senator Jordan Graham disagreed.

“I believe we have done our part to educate students,” Graham said.

Graham said no matter how much effort SGA put into educating students, some people would always be against the resolution because of their religious and moral beliefs, which is “just sad” because a minority is not just a number, it is people.

Junior Anna Luttrell said she would like to see more information about how many students would benefit from the new restroom options.

Junior Sarai Ingle agreed.

“I would like to see a poll,” Ingle

said. “How many of our LGBT students and single parents would feel benefited by family bathrooms?”

Both Luttrell and Ingle said they did not want LGBT students or single parents to feel unwelcomed, but they were concerned if gender-neutral bathrooms would be a good investment for the university, considering UNA has more pressing needs, like parking.

Sophomore Matt Hartman said he has no concerns about gender-neutral bathrooms on campus if it makes people more comfortable while using the restroom. However, he believes the issue should have been better advertised by SGA. “Students should have been better informed beforehand. Lack of information will lead to more complaints about (the resolution),” Hartman said.

The resolution received support from UNA Student Counseling Services and Equality Alabama, the only statewide LGBT advocacy organization in Alabama.

McCollum said he has some doubts if the resolution will actually solve any problems.

“Personally, I don’t believe this was the right move for UNA. With harassment being the main cause for why it was pushed, my concern is, ‘Does this actually fix the problem or is it more about making a politically correct statement?’” McCollum said.

While harassment of transgender students was the most discussed behind the resolution, it is also designed to help “families with care giving responsibilities, such as the care of children, elders, and individuals with disabilities,” according to the legislation.

Although SGA members will not send the resolution to the board of trustees for a vote, the resolution includes a request for a yearly update from administration regarding progress toward implementing the gender-neutral restrooms.

SGA Adviser and Director of Student Engagement Tyler Thompson said the resolution represents SGA’s official stance on the issue and is “like a record of what they have asked the administration to implement.”

healthy and follow a fitness regimen.

But, the ability to perform cannot be based on BFP.

a diet plan,” Tetter said. “I want them to practice practical eating.”

Tetter said she took the captains through Publix to point out a range of healthy eating options, taught them to read labels and introduced them to foods that are good for their bodies.

She said she also taught the auxiliaries how to work out — doing a lot of pushups, squats, jumping jacks, distance runs and runs through the parking deck.

The BFP requirements are not in place to encourage girls to be skinny or thin, but to have healthy, fit-looking people on the field, Jones said.

“Those Lionettes smile when they’re kicking, but if you’ve ever tried to do that, you realize how hard that is. I tell people in the band all the time, go on and try to do that — see how long you last,” he said.

”

IF THEY HAVE THE ABILITY TO PERFORM LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO.“THEY CANʼT BE STOPPED FROM PERFORMING BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE IN AN OUTFIT. PERFORMANCE CANNOT BE MEASURED BY BFP.

TAMMY JACQUES TITLE IX COORDINATOR To help the girls maintain the required BFP, the trainer provided them with dietary information and showed them which workouts they should be doing, Jones said.

“I am not a dietician, so I never give

Editor’s note: Students in the spring 2014 COM 356 Advanced Reporting class conducted initial interviews for this story and contributed to the report.

4A VIEWPOINTS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ANNA GRACE USERY

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

SGA resolution serves campus well

MANAGING EDITOR KALI DANIEL NEWS EDITOR ASHLEY REMKUS LIFE EDITOR MARI WILLIAMS SPORTS EDITOR DUSTIN POLLARD ONLINE EDITOR JASMINE FLEMING BUSINESS MANAGER UNDREA RANDOLPH II GRAPHIC DESIGNERS JOHN BAVIS SHILO CUPPLES JORDAN FERRELL CIRCULATION MANAGER LORI BLANKENSOPP CHIEF PHOTOGRAPHER DALLAS MOORE STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS PEYTON BYRD DEANNA KAMPMEYER KATLYN SHANNON

ASHLEY REMKUS

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While everyone has his or her own definition of being a leader, to me it means doing what is right — no matter what.

That is exactly what SGA senators did when they passed a resolution urging university officials to implement genderneutral restrooms on campus.

Although many community members seem to think accommodating the needs of transgender students is taking away from the majority to

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Address correspondence to The Flor-Ala. UNA Box 5300 Florence, AL 35632.

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said he had been harassed, threatened and assaulted based on his decision to use a campus bathroom. While many people may have religious or moral objections against the LGBT community, it is not up to anyone else to condemn another person.

I watched that student stand before a room full of students, faculty and staff members and tell his story. I listened as the student, from behind tear-filled eyes, said he had considered dropping out of school because of what he endured. I hurt for the student because I think every person should feel safe everywhere, at all times.

The student said people told him he does not have a place in this world, and that it would be better without him, as he exited campus bathrooms.

Those sadistic, cruel statements came from members of the

UNA community, and that is appalling.

Now that the resolution will be sent to the administration, it is my hope they will step up as leaders, putting aside personal beliefs and biases to improve campus safety for all students.

Their responsibility is to do what is best for campus.

SGA members have requested an update on the progress toward implementing gender-neutral restrooms, and I hope future senators will make sure that report is provided.

Administrators should not assume the issue will be forgotten if they ignore it.

While it may seem this issue is not a big deal because it only affects a small number of students, the impact it has on those few lives is monumental.

Students can support during international crises

ADVISER SCOTT MORRIS

The deadline for submitting letters is 10 a.m. Monday, the week of publication.

give to the minority, senators still passed the resolution.

Despite the negative feedback they received, they did what was best for the community at large. And for that, I commend UNA’s student representatives.

I think it is important to note leaders do not always make decisions based on what their constituents think, and for good reason. A large portion of the U.S. was against the Civil Rights Act when it passed 50 years ago, giving hope for equality to a minority racial group. Today, anyone can see passing it was the right thing to do.

Passing the gender-neutral bathrooms resolution is a step toward civil rights for a minority group. This year’s SGA members can say they were part of that movement.

A transgender student went to SGA members and

KALI DANIEL

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There has always been suffering and there always will be. But, as I scroll through my social media news feeds, I cannot help but feel sad and, well, helpless.

Amidst the hashtags, opinions and overall unrest, Ferguson is one of the — but certainly not the only — places that need our help. Egypt still faces difficulties in democracy

since the Arab Spring.

Thailand riots against political unrest resulting from years of corruption. Hong Kong rebels against Chinese delegation of political leaders. Mexico.

Palestine. Brazil. Nigeria.

This does not even begin to touch the unrest going on in this world. Whether I believe in what these people are fighting for is irrelevant, because as an American I believe in everyone’s right to fight for what they believe in, as cheesy as that sounds.

I support their cause, and I support them.

I encourage everyone, in the spirit of giving — regardless of whether or not you believe in Christmas or Hanukkah or any other holiday — to treat others with kindness. Know that you may

not be able to understand what they are going through, but know you can show you support them in fighting their grief.

These websites offer numerous ways you can help others: • Twitter - send @ Cards4Ferguson; Tweet a cup of coffee to someone by linking your Twitter with your Starbucks account.

• GoPetition — There are hundreds of thousands of petitions you can sign for causes around the world. Take the time to research and find something you, too, are passionate about.

• GoFundMe - Offers numerous ways to help

those struggling in times of crises.

• Asia Foundation — this organization opts to better the lives of children and povertystricken areas around Asia, from the Arabian Peninsula to Indonesia.

• Africare — by purchasing T-shirts or donating you can help this organization educate the continent about agriculture and health. Current efforts work to cease the spread of Ebola.

I know I probably sound like I just got home from Woodstock, but I truly believe that what more of the world needs right now is love. And who better to give love than you?

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SPORTS 5A

Dec. 4, 2014• The Flor-Ala

SCOREBOARD Nov. 27- Dec. 3

BASKETBALL

Crossing into Conference

Friday, Nov. 28 MENʼS BASKETBALL UNA

VS.

TRUMAN STATE

87-74 LOSS

Saturday, Nov. 29 MENʼS BASKETBALL

UNA vs. GRAND VALLEY STATE

78-60 LOSS

photo by KAITLIN DOUGLASS I Staff Photographer

Senior guard Nathan Spehr plays defense against a Bryan College player Nov. 17. The Gulf South Conference schedule starts Dec. 4 for the UNA basketball teams as they host Valdosta State University.

Sunday, Nov. 30 WOMENʼS BASKETBALL UNA

VS.

FISK

107-39 WIN

Upcoming Thursday, Dec. 4 WOMENʼS BASKETBALL UNA

VS.

VALDOSTA STATE

6 P.M.

MENʼS BASKETBALL UNA vs. VALDOSTA STATE

8 P.M.

Saturday, Dec. 6 WOMENʼS BASKETBALL

UNA vs. WEST FLORIDA

1 p.m.

MENʼS BASKETBALL UNA vs. WEST FLORIDA

3 p.m.

Lions prepare for early conference play DUSTIN POLLARD

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Dec. 4 may be Dead Day on campus, but the UNA basketball teams hope Flowers Hall is very much alive when they hosts Valdosta State University to tipoff the conference schedule.

“I think Dr. Thornell should issue some kind of decree that everyone should take a break from studying to come watch the men and women face Valdosta,” men’s head coach Bobby Champagne said, jokingly. “I’m sure that would go over well with everybody.”

The Gulf South Conference schedule starts earlier than in previous years as this season includes two more conference games than last year. Last season each GSC team played 20 conference games, and this year each team will play 22 conference games.

The men’s team got an up-and-down start to the season and brings a (3-3) record into the Blazers matchup.

“We haven’t really done as well as I expected because of our lack of consistency,” Champagne said. “We’ve played well in spurts. We just have to try and get better at executing, playing harder and playing together.”

The Lions must put it together soon as the GSC looks to be tough once again, Champagne said.

“I don’t know if this is the best the league has been since I’ve been in it because I don’t know if there is a dominant team, but it’s as balanced as it’s ever been,” he said. “I don’t think there is a bad team in this league. It’s going to be a brutal 22-game schedule.”

Senior forward Calvin Dade says the lack of nonconference games is not a problem, but the team needs to practice

harder this week for preparation.

“We’re still gelling and trying to get everybody on the same page,” he said.

“It’s never too soon to start conference — we just need to execute our plays on offense. The GSC is always a good conference, so I know it’s going to be a tough year.”

Dade said a win at home against the Blazers would be big for the team’s momentum going forward.

“Our defense is struggling against three-point shooters but I think if we keep them off the glass, we’ll be OK,” he said.

The Lions rank last in the GSC in scoring defense by giving up 82.2 points per game.

“Our defense has been like everything else, sporadic,” Champagne said. “At times, we’re good at contesting shots and limiting them to one shot. Other times, we’re nonexsistent on that end.”

”

I DONʼT THINK THERE IS A BAD TEAM IN THIS LEAGUE. ITʼS GOING TO BE A BRUTAL 22-GAME SCHEDULE.

BOBBY CHAMPAGNE

MENʼS BASKETBALL HEAD COACH The women’s team comes off a dominating victory over Fisk University.

The team went over the century mark for the second time this season as they won 107-39.

UNA (3-1) also boasts a 72-69 victory in an exhibition over Belmont University, a D-I opponent. The Lions have the No. 1 scoring offense in the GSC, averaging 89

points per game.

“Who knows if four games is enough to get ready for the GSC,” said women’s head coach Missy Tiber. “We’ve played some good teams though. I think we’ve played four very good games to lead up to conference play.”

The Lions also lead the conference in margin of victory by an average of 26.5 points per game.

The Blazers bring in a (4-2) record to Flowers Hall.

Tiber said VSU looks similar to last year’s team with seven returnees and the opposing coach continues to favor a slower pace style of play, unlike the Lions.

“We’re way more athletic than them,” she said. “My goal will be to force the tempo, and they will try to slow it down.

If we can score 70 points, we will win.”

Senior guard Lauren Faris said Valdosta State has some big players in the post, which makes keeping them off the boards key.

“Rebounding and taking the right shots is the biggest focus,” she said.

“We’ll have to get as much out of practice as we can this week.”

Faris’ health is key for the Lions heading into conference play, Tiber said.

She suffered a season-ending ACL injury against the University of West Georgia last season. The league’s coaches selected her to the preseason All-GSC team.

“Out of all the returning kids, she was the one I was most pleased with after the game,” Tiber said. “She looks like she’s moving around the best she has so far.”

Faris said physically she feels fine, but it is a mental battle on the court.

Women’s tipoff is 6 p.m., and the men’s is 8 p.m.

6A SPORTS

Dec. 4, 2014• The Flor-Ala

NCAA

SPORTS

WRITERS MAKE COLLEGE

FOOTBALL PLAYOFF PICKS photo courtesy of Jennifer Sharp

DUSTIN POLLARD

DARIEN PIPPENS

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MATT SULESKI

KADIN POUNDERS

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1.

Alabama Crimson Tide Through 12 games the Tide looks like the most complete team in the nation. The defense is not as good as the past Nick Sabancoached teams, but the offense may be his best ever. Amari Cooper is the best college receiver since Larry Fitzgerald.

1.

Alabama Crimson Tide I feel Alabama is the best team in the nation and they are the best one-loss team. This team is led by fifth-year senior QB Blake Sims and the best WR in the nation, Amari Cooper. I feel like this is the most complete team in the nation, with the best coach in the nation – Nick Saban.

1.

Alabama Crimson Tide Alabama has four wins versus top 25 ranked teams and can make it five with a win over Missouri in the SEC title game. The Tide has proven they can win in both the defensive battles and the offensive shootouts. I can not wait to see more Saban-Kiffin moments!

1.

Alabama Crimson Tide This is not one of the best Alabama teams I have seen in recent memory, but Nick Saban is the best coach in college football and the Tide are ready to make a run at a fourth national title in six years. Alabama has talent all over the field but they are led by WR Amari Cooper.

2.

Oregon Ducks Oregon has 2,000 different jersey combinations but zero national championships. However, this year may be their best shot.

QB Marcus Mariota should win the Heisman Trophy. Thanks to Mariota, the Ducks boast the most balanced offense in the country.

2.

Oregon Ducks This is the second best team in the nation behind Alabama.

They have the front-runner for the Heisman Trophy in Marcus Mariota – the best quarterback in the nation. The Ducks have been almost unstoppable over the last few weeks on the offensive side of the football.

2.

Oregon Ducks The Ducks have one of the most prolific offenses in the country led

by Heisman front-runner Marcus Mariota. Oregon has won 11 of their 12 games by an average of 25 points, with their one loss against a then-unranked Arizona team.

2.

Oregon Ducks The Ducks possess one of the best offenses in college football, which is led by Heisman trophy favorite QB Marcus Mariota.

He has accounted for over 4,000 yards and 47 total touchdowns while throwing only two interceptions. They are the best in the country at keeping teams off balance.

3.

Florida State Seminoles Last time I checked, FSU is the only team to finish every game.

I know they won ugly, but they still won. Jameis Winston has been inconsistent but he is still a Heisman Trophy winner. The Seminoles have too much talent on both sides of the football to slip up against Georgia Tech.

3.

Florida State Seminoles They have not played up to par all season with close games against inferior opponents. Jameis Winston, the reigning Heisman Trophy winner has not played to the level he did last season. This is not the same team as the title run from last season, but they are still undefeated.

3.

Florida State Seminoles You either love them or you hate them. The Seminoles, led by reigning Heisman Trophy winner Jameis Winston, live on the edge.

Despite going undefeated in the regular season, FSU has had a lot of close games versus inferior opponents. But Jimbo Fisher’s squad is still undefeated.

3.

Florida State Seminoles Florida State is a team that has won many games this year by the smallest of margins, but at the end of the day, a win is a win is a win! The three-headed monster on offense consisting of QB Jameis Winston, RB Dalvin Cook and WR Rashaad Green gives any team matchup problems.

4.

Baylor Bears If Baylor beats Kansas State this weekend, I think they should leap over TCU. I hear about quality losses all the time but what about quality wins? Baylor beat TCU straight up and that is why I think they should get the go-ahead over the Horn Frogs.

4.

Baylor Bears Baylor has played, to me, the best out of the teams in the Big 12 on the offensive side of the ball. I will give the slight edge to TCU on the defensive side but, I do not think the TCU resume stands out.

Baylor did beat TCU in a shootout earlier this season where they came back from 21 down to win.

4.

TCU Horn Frogs Despite losing to Baylor in the regular season, the committee has continually favored the Horned Frogs in the rankings. Like Oregon, TCU, with their high-powered offense routinely blows out their opponents. Trevone Boykin is one of the most underrated quarterbacks in the country, in my opinion.

4.

TCU Horn Frogs If Baylor beats Kansas State on Saturday, I still believe TCU should stay ahead of Baylor despite losing by three points at Baylor earlier this year. TCU has been more impressive this season and Baylor’s loss came by 14 points at West Virginia, while TCU beat West Virginia.

Championship Game

Championship Game

Championship Game

Championship Game

Alabama over FSU 41-24 There is no clear-cut best team in the nation this year, but Alabama comes as close as it gets. The Tide went (5-1) in the best division in college football history. A fourth National Championship in six years? Yeah, Nick Saban is worth that $7 million per year.

Alabama over Oregon 28-24 I think it would have to take a really good coaching job by Saban to slow the offense of the Ducks, but with the impact players on defense and Amari Cooper being almost impossible to defend, the rushing attack of TJ Yeldon and Derrek Henry, Alabama will win.

Alabama over Oregon 38-34 Alabama’s more traditional “old man” style football versus Oregon’s up-tempo, high octane style, will be a game with power vs. speed. In national championship games, I think preparation is the number one factor.

And no one prepares better than Saban.

Oregon over Alabama 41-38 (OT) Many fans have wanted to see the Alabama/Oregon matchup for the last few years and this is the year I think it finally comes to fruition.

I have the Oregon Ducks defeating the Alabama Crimson Tide 41-38 in the first college football playoff.

LIFE 7A

Dec. 4, 2014• The Flor-Ala

NONPROFIT

Bead for Life Center for Womenʼs Studies holds annual jewelry sale MARI WILLIAMS 4QNM -LQ\WZ TQNM(NTWZITI VM\

As the holidays approach, so does the weight of gift-giving. Some students might find themselves scrounging for any change they can find to buy the perfect gift for their loved ones.

Fortunately, The Center for Women’s Studies has begun to host its annual Bead for Life sale. The sale is located in the Women’s Center and will be open Monday through Friday from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., before Dec. 17.

“Bead for Life is a program that was started 10 years ago to help the women of Uganda raise themselves out of extreme poverty,” said Emily Kelley, coordinator of the Center for Women’s Studies. “It is an 18-month to two-year program of schooling that first teaches these women to make these beads. The (proceeds) help the women support themselves through the Bead for Life program during which the organization teaches them a profession.”

This is the fourth year the Women’s Center has hosted a Bead for Life sale.

“I was so impressed that such a high amount of the proceeds from the sale go back either directly in the hands of these women or into their education program,” Kelley said. “I’d never seen a charity quite like this where less than 5 percent of the proceeds goes into the administration of the program. I was so impressed

with that I wanted to be a part of it.”

Participating in Bead for Life is a great way to feel good about the present you buy, she said.

“You’ll know that your gift is doing two things – it’s giving a gift to someone who you love and it’s also making a contribution to the life of another woman or child in Uganda,” she said. “A tiny amount of money that you spend here has a profound effect on the life of a person in Uganda. Even a small $20 item will literally change the life of someone there.”

The Center for Women’s Studies sends all proceeds from the sale back to Bead for Life.

“We are a nonprofit organization, which means that 100 percent of our net assets are reinvested into our poverty programs, and a member of the Fair Trade Federation and a provisional member of the World Fair Trade Organization,” according to beadforlife. org.

Bead for Life makes an impact on the lives of its participants long after the program ends.

“It helps them buy property, build a house and set them up so their children can inherit from them,” Kelley said. “In Uganda, until you own property and are set up so your children can inherit, the government does not recognize you.”

Bead for Life volunteer Claire Eagle said the program has changed her global outlook.

“I always saw it around but didn’t pay attention,” Eagle said. “Seeing where the profit goes made me pay more

attention to the world. You don’t realize there are people living on a dollar a day, but when you do realize it, it makes you want to help in any way you can.”

The World Bank defines extreme poverty as living on less than $1.25 a day.

All of the volunteers in the Women’s Center are involved in Bead for Life the project.

“Whether it is writing price tags, taking inventory of the items or helping set up the display, they are all involved,” Kelley said. “They all get connected to these women.”

Bead for Life has helped those in the Women’s Center think globally, she said. It has especially geared them toward economic thinking, largely because the women who make the beads strive to pull their families out of extreme poverty.

The Center hopes the sale will have an effect on the campus.

“If they see how much of an impact it has toward those women, it reciprocates and they feel empowered, too. Because they are supporting this business and not only the women in Uganda, but their children too,” said Sophomore Monica Velasquez. “You know you’re not wasting money because all of it is being put towards their education.”

Aside from jewelry, the sale includes: handbags, aprons, hand cream and a make-your-own jewelry option.

photo by KAITLIN DOUGLASS I Staff Photographer

8A LIFE

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

GLOBAL

FOREIGN HOLIDAYS

Students, professors share Asian holiday traditions “It’s not a religious ritual. There’s a certain idealism called Shintoism in Japan. It involves the belief that there are hundreds and hundreds of, I don’t want to say gods, but different gods in Mother Nature and they can exist in paper, in material objects, or even people. Different gods can exist in Mother Nature.

So, on New Year’s Day, we pick up some material and show appreciation to those gods. We give thanks for the fortune they gave us. It’s celebrated on January 1. One thing that I do is clean my entire house on December 31.”

MONDAY SANDERSON

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China

Jap

an

May Takeuchi Professor of Sociology

India

“I celebrate Diwali. It’s like the celebration here for Christmas. It’s the biggest festival in India. It’s the day that our lord, Rama, came back to his kingdom.

That’s why people became happy on that day and celebrated that festival. We blast fireworks. All of the houses are decorated — especially with lights.

People give sweets to others on that day. In Alabama, we do the same things, but we all meet at a temple in Huntsville.” Diwali falls on the 15th day of Kartika on the Hindu calendar. This year Diwali occurred Oct. 23.

“I celebrate Chinese New Year. Everybody just kind of celebrates. My family can get together with cousins and grandparents and others. Normally, on New Year’s Eve, everybody goes to my dad’s family. So, we have a huge dinner, and of course we’re going to have dumplings. We watch TV and hang out. It starts at different times, because we have different calendars each year. Normally, it’s between January and February.” Chinese New Year falls on the first day of the Chinese Calender. This year the holiday occurred Jan. 31.

Ashok Dhanda

Yan Li

Freshman

English as a Second Language photo by KAITLIN DOUGLASS I Staff Photographer

REVIEW

Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 sets stage for final film

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Mockingjay Part 1 prepares the audience for the final throw down, Mockingjay Part 2. Though some viewers will loathe this, fans of the books are finally getting what they rightfully deserve — a movie adaptation that stays true to the book. This film was imperative to the film series’ progression.

The third installment starts off in the secret underground location of District 13 where Katniss Everdeen, the protagonist, is asked to be the ‘Mockingjay’ rebel spokeswoman for the upcoming civil war. After Katniss sees her district burned

to ashes, she agrees to be the rebel’s Mockingjay, thus continuing her cat-andmouse game with President Snow.

Although it might not be easily recognized going into the film, Mockingjay’s relevance to American’s lives at present is undeniable. With protests over the grand jury’s decision to not indict officer Darren Wilson in the death of Mike Brown, it is easy to see a glimpse of the country’s current state in this film. To me this is slightly ironic, especially because Mockingjay is set in a post-apocalyptic North American society.

Clearly protestors in Ferguson, Missouri made this connection as well. After the film released, protesters graffitied ‘If We Burn You Burn With Us’, a slogan that gave the rebels of Panem further inspiration to rise up against the capitol.

Jennifer Lawrence is hands-down the most exceptional actor in the movie.

While her role does require her to showcase her talents, most of the cast does not inspire much. With Peta left behind during the Third Quarter Quell

and imprisoned in the Capitol, Katniss is in a state of emotional distress. Lawrence feeds off of this discomfort and carries her role as Katniss with absolute grace.

Lawrence helps Katniss launch her badassery to a new level. She even successfully shoots down a high speed aircraft with an explosive arrow.

Perhaps the one fatal flaw of this film is its portrayal of the Katniss, Peta and Gale “love triangle.” Katniss, our beloved heroine, has been through absolute hell. She is physically and emotionally in ruins. Although she is trying to reconstruct herself from her very foundation, the writers had the bright idea of hyperbolizing a love triangle.

They exaggerated a triangle that could have been simply produced with mere angsty side glances. This portrayal completely took away from Katniss’ onscreen plight, transforming her into just another damsel in distress needing a man to save her. In reality, there was never a time when Katniss was not able to save herself. She shoots explosive arrows for

goodness sake — she made archery cool.

Editor’s Note: To read the rest of this story, visit www.florala.net.

UNWIND

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Dec. 4, 2014• The Flor-Ala

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Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

ASHLEY REMKUS

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Everyone wants presents for Christmas, and the campus lions are no exception.

Lion caretaker Ann Howard got the furry felionsʼ wish lists in “strictest confidence,” then she agreed to share them with The Flor-Ala. Howard said the lions had difficulty developing their lists because they already have most everything lions could ask for.

Here is what they came up with:

Leoʼs Wishlist

Unaʼs Wishlist

1. A Lion Night at local restaurants 1. A toy-of-the month club formed featuring all-you-can-eat raw meat for local lions because two toys per buffets with bone marrow appetizers year are just not enough (Toys should and goat milk cocktails once per not be the cheap ones from Pet Depot.) month.

2. A white Christmas.

2. A motorcycle for him and Una 3. A white scarf to flap in the wind to ride to Lion Night. while she rides Leoʼs new motorcycle.

3. More airplanes flying over 4. Matching aviator sunglasses for campus for him to look at. her and Leo to wear while riding the 4. More people who stand still motorcycle. when he tries to pee on them.

5. Christmas once per month all 5. More people who appreciate year long. him and feed his ego.

photos courtesy of SHANNON WELLS

UNWIND 3B

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

FAMILY

Can you pass the gravy?

What are you wearing?

Why canʼt you be more like your sibling(s)?

Has college turned you into a liberal yet?

Have you gained some weight?

10 not-so-happy homecoming remarks ASHLEY REMKUS

6M_[ -LQ\WZ VM_[(NTWZITI VM\

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REVIEW

Christmas beers welcome holidays ANNA GRACE USERY -LQ\WZ QV +PQMN MLQ\WZ(NTWZITI VM\

Nothing puts me in the Christmas spirit more than a holiday beer. After dealing with (insert crazy family last names here), everyone is entitled to a nip of something more potent than Aunt Jane’s eggnog. For me, richness and smoothness top the list of alcohol priorities for the winter season. And what better beer than a dark, thick stout. While those are my main staples, I veered from my usual and tried a shandy. Only two things are needed with these delectable wintertime beers: a fireplace and footie pajamas.

One of my local favorites topped the list — Good People Brewing out of Birmingham’s Coffee Oatmeal Stout.

This stout pours a deep chocolate brown, with minimal foam. The creaminess of the beer and the way it luxuriously slid down the back of my throat reminded me of eating heated chocolate bark as a kid.

Keeping it even closer to home, this beer is brewed with local coffee. It produces that waft of morningtime breakfast, and no, I will not judge if you decide to pop one open before 11 a.m. This beer might even make you more proud to call yourself an Alabamian.

A not-so-local beer, Samuel Smith’s Oatmeal Stout from England, came

highly recommended to me. The stout poured a tad lighter than the Good People brew and had the consistency of sweet milk — not buttermilk. The bottle read “brewed with well water” which was pretty neat considering I was currently drinking water from another continent. My only drawback: this beer is weak. Maybe my taste buds are just ‘hop’ cravers, but I had no desire to hop across the pond and devote myself to the British way of life for this beer. Next.

Hopping back over to the states, even if it is the Midwest, I prepared my taste buds for a jolly adventure with Leinenkugel’s Cranberry Ginger Shandy. This beer cuts a close second to the worst experiences I have ever had with beer, only behind the first time I ever tried it. With a 4.2 percent alcohol by volume, I knew my chances were not great. But cranberry, ginger and shandy it has a ring to it, right? It tasted more like a spiked, carbonated cranberry juice than beer, and poured a similar color to Natty Light. I enjoyed the hints of citrus and orange zest, but I wish the cranberry holiday flavor had shone through.

Editor’s Note: All beers, except for the shandy, were purchased from the Wine Cellar in downtown Florence.

4B UNWIND Hensley Thompson Properties

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

REVIEW

Short shows offer binge watching experience KALI DANIEL

Your Money’s y Worth In Housing Since 1947

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After crying your way through all-nighters, eating your weight in pizza and completing your exams, you have the joy of returning home for four solid weeks. Vacation means watching Netflix guilt-free — no more distractions like schoolwork. The following shows have only one or two seasons on Netflix, and offer a binge-watching experience that will be interrupted only by five-minute breaks for food, bathroom breaks or occasional naps.

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1.

Salem

We all know the age-old story of the witches in Salem and the hunts that caused the deaths of innocents.

This one-season show offers a twist on the infamous tale, tying together magic, darkness and love. Captain John Alden wanders home after seven years of war, returning for his teenage love who has since remarried and become the wealthiest woman in Salem — with a secret.

2.

Legit

Australian comedian Jim Jefferies (as himself) works closely with Billy Nugent, a young man with muscular distrophy, by setting the ultimate goal: getting Billy laid. With arguments from Billy’s mother and Billy’s older brother, Steve (who also happens to be Jim’s best friend), Jim must find a way to help Billy embrace his natural sexuality while giving him the privacy every person deserves.

3.

4.

Terriers

Hank Dolworth, an excop and recovering alcoholic, partners with ex-con Britt Pollack to bring down suspicious criminals in a private investigator fashion.

Dealing with personal issues (like Dolworth’s divorce) and financial issues on behalf of both private investigators, their largest struggles come not from the evil-doers they pursue, but from the problems they have made for themselves.

Undeclared

Judd Apatow knows young adults — at least, he knew what today’s young adults would deal with over a decade ago. Clearly ahead of his time, the creator of “Freaks and Geeks” offers a peek inside the life of freshout-of-high-school Steven Karp, who wants to enjoy college and all the perks it entails. He and his good friends Lloyd and Ron deal with the drama of girls, parents and ultimately, each other.

FINALS

Writer offers helpful last-minute study tips ANNA BROWN

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1. Get enough sleep This one may seem like a no-brainer, but it is something most college students struggle to accomplish. Adequate sleep is a must-have for optimal brain function and clear thinking. Adults need about seven to nine hours a sleep each night, according to the National Sleep Foundation.

2. Skip the junk food Avoid fast food on study day. Be sure to eat healthy, balanced meals before studying for a test. There is nothing worse than being hungry or unsatisfied while trying to study. Eat a balanced meal before you start studying. Also, skip the sugar. Eating excess amounts of sugar may make you feel alert right after, but the crash is soon to come. If you must snack, grab some pretzels and cheese or fruit.

3. Caffeinate Starbucks and Einstein’s make this

tip easy. A little caffeine will help in your study endeavors. Whether you get your caffeine from a latte or a soda, be sure to get a little while studying. Too much caffeine can also cause the inevitable “crash.” Some people also have health conditions that prohibit them from having caffeine. Caffeinate wisely.

4. Pace yourself Study in 30-minute increments to ensure you do not burn out ut quickly.

Set a timer to go off every ery 30 minutes and take a fiveto 10-minute break.

Do not break too long or you will lose focus. (“I’ll get on Twitter for just a few minutes” — yeah, right.) Also, do not try to study for all of your exams in one day.

Plan out when you will study for which tests and stick to your plan. Try nott to study for more than n two classes each day..

Your brain will thank you..

5. Take a Break Everyone gets the “finals funk” while studying. Our mind gets foggy, our legs stiffen and we just cannot sit still any longer. When you feel this way, move around. Take a 30-minute walk or jog, go for a bike ride, play a basketball game, do yoga or some deep stretches. Exercise will clear your mind and release anxious energy so you can focus.

UNWIND 5B

Dec. 4, 2014• The Flor-Ala

CRAFTS

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Simple arm-knitting tutorial creates infinity scarf MARI WILLIAMS 4QNM -LQ\WZ TQNM(NTWZITI VM\

Last year I received a warm and fuzzy scarf from my best friend. When I asked her where she bought it, she replied, “I didn’t. I knitted it with my arms.” I was surprised by the effort she put into the gift, but more so by her claims of how easy it was. So, with Christmas right around the corner and no money in my bank account to give all of my friends a present, I turned to arm knitting. It is a cheap, fun and easy way to make gifts for the people in your life. To start, grab two bundles of bulky yarn.

1. Take one end from each spool of yarn and measure six arm lengths. Tie a slip knot and slide your hand through.

(Figure A) 2. Take the tail yarn (string closest to the body) and place it around the thumb of your other hand, while taking the working yarn and going around your pointer finger of the other hand. Bring the arm the slipknot is on down creating an ‘X’ on your palm. (Figure B) Take your hand with the slipknot on it and put it under and through the first string on your thumb. (Figure C) Then take the hand

BCM

Baptist

with the slipknot and grab the first loop on the opposite pointer finger and put your hand over and through the hole you create. (Figure E) Do this six more times.

(Figure F) 3. Grab the working yarn in the hand that has the yarn on it and pull a loop off from your wrist while holding the working yarn, creating a loop. Stick your opposite hand through the loop you create and tighten the loop. Do this step with each loop on your wrist, fully transferring the yarn to your other arm.

Continue doing this step, switching arms until you have the length you want your scarf it be. (Figure G) 4. To bind the end of your scarf off, hold the work yarn in your hand and pull one of the loops off of your wrist and create the loop. Put your opposite hand through the loop. Repeat this step.

5. From the hand containing two knits, take the first knit and bring it over the second one, then let go. Grab another knit from the opposite hand and pull the working yarn through the loop creating another knit on the hand you put through the loop. From the hand containing two knits, take the first knit and bring it over the second one and let go. Continue this step until there are no more knits on your

Aftermath Mondays @ 8pm

UNA

wrist. Once you get to the last loop pull the yarn through it. Do not pull it all the way through. Then pull the working yarn through the stitch again and make a knot.

Pull your working yard three arm lengths long.

6. Lay the scarf down in front of you take both ends of the scarf and hold them together. Loop the tail yarn through the ends of the scarf.

G

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6B UNWIND

Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

START PUSHING YOURSELF EVEN FURTHER. ST

START YOUR JOURNEY. START DISCOVERING NEW TALENTS.

START MOLDING YOUR STRENGTHS. START BUILDING YOUR CAREER.

START OUT ON TOP.

START AHEAD OF THE CROWD.

START STRONG. SM

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To learn more about scholarship opportunities, contact Rae Atencio at 256-765-4458 or visit us online at goarmy.com/rotc/z271 ©2008. Paid for by the United States Army. All rights reserved.

UNWIND 7B Dirty Santa Gift Guide Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala

HOLIDAY

DUSTIN POLLARD

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1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Kid Rock album — Why does this guy still make music? He went from rapping to thinking he was the reincarnation of Hank Williams Sr. Groucho glasses — The fake ‘stache will make anyone look exactly like Tom Selleck. Talk about the perfect disguise for getting the respect we all know you deserve.

String-kinis for men — Every man secretly loves wearing these bad boys. They’re perfect wear for spring break — skies out thighs out. Ladies, do not act like you are not impressed, either.

Fanny pack — Where else are you supposed to put your chap stick and No. 2 pencils? The Rock pulled it off, so who says you can’t?

Signed framed photo of a random family member — A signed picture of grandpa Eugene rocking a turtleneck with his corn cob pipe hanging out the side of his mouth is pure gold — pure gold ladies, and gentlemen.

6.

Richard Simmons “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” DVD — What is more impressive: Richards Simmons’ workouts, or his perm?

7.

Etch A Sketch — I can sketch the Sistine Chapel with one of these babies.

8.

Barack Obama Chia Pet — Is there a better way to honor our 44th president than having one of these? This is a rhetorical question by the way.

9.

Toilet seat covers — These come in handy on road trips, trust me. Clean gas station restrooms are more rare than finding a parking spot on campus.

10.

Foot-long sub — Nobody in his or her right mind will turn down a sub — especially if it’s the spicy Italian. Also, when I get mad people call me the “Spicy Italian.”

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Dec. 4, 2014 • The Flor-Ala