Inadequate Support System: Survival of The Fittest

Professional Experience Article

The epitome of today’s society can be summarized with this phrase coined by Herbert Spencer: “The survival of the fittest.” The current climate, culture, and environment we currently reside in is a breeding ground conducive for disconnection and emotional detachment, in our families, schools, and communities ultimately impacting our youth. This disconnection and emotional detachment is brought on by an inadequate support system.

Imagine being disconnected from the very thing that provides life to you, the thing that nurtures you and gives you the resources and the nutrients needed for healthy development, and the thing that ensures your safety and protection: much like a mother’s womb to a fetus. Yes, this is a callous environment. living in an extreme environment like this is hard to fathom. In fact, it wouldn’t be living at all. It would be surviving! Just imagine the long term negative impact this place would have on an individual. Who would choose to live here? To be honest I don’t believe anyone would choose to live here; however, in most cases they have no choice but to live…well, survive here.

Let the truth be known that this place exist. This place is not a fantasy or figment of my imagination. I wish it was. Many individuals reside here. In fact, many of our youth reside here. They have been forced to reside here because they have no other place to go.

“Here,” is a place of heightened maladaptive behaviors. It is a place of defiance. It’s a place of increased anxiety, depression, and dissociation. It’s a place of self-harm and suicidal ideation. It’s a place of brokenness and dejection. It’s a place of hopelessness. It’s a place of malnourishment where they are fed rejection, fear, and pain and are left with a bitter taste called abandonment. Abandonment is like a book without the shelf. It becomes alone, forgotten, and miserable. It is not displayed properly. It becomes dejected and walked all over, broken and purposeless. It loses its value because it has not been maintained properly. Because of not being properly maintained or it being disconnected from its proper place, it becomes ripped and torn apart. The treacherous marks and scars on the fragmented book cover only tell a brief excerpt of what it has been through. Pages are easily ripped out and trampled over as if it never existed. It often gets thrown away never to be opened or explored to discover all the fascinating and beautiful intricacies that it possesses. It will not get an opportunity to tell its story because of its brokenness. It is lost longing to be found!

Their effort to counter their lack of nourishment and abandonment is to become disruptive, defiant, and oppositional. They become resistant and more detached and seek what Dr. Karl Menninger coin as “artificial belongings.” (Brendrto, & Long, 2005).

Artificial belongings is a false sense of belonging. It is essentially attaching to unhealthy habits and relationships to counter the emptiness of failed relationships or connections. Also attaching to unhealthy habits is simply a means of survival in a futile word of detachment especially in our society today. Our youth begin to conform to gangs, violence, alcohol, and drugs because of their inability to adapt to the current environment of detachment. They try to find equilibrium in a world where the odds are slanted against them for survival. They become repressed and remove and begin to isolate themselves from meaningful relationships. This is a means to control the chaos within them. Being in this environment long enough teaches them that attachment is abnormal. Dr. Edward Hallowell marks this as an emotional disorder, coining it as the “diagnosis of disconnection” and conclude this as being the result of an inadequate support system called the “dangerous gap.” The ‘dangerous gap” is the disconnection that exists between today’s youth, their families, their schools, and their communities (Brendrto, & Long, 2005).

In order to re-establish connection, we must recognize these particular behaviors and try to cultivate a climate that is conducive to restoring connection and relationship building. The way to do this is to first not take their behaviors personally; just like Monica’s song “It’s just one of them days, don’t take it personal.” So, In many cases, these behaviors are not geared towards us or against us; these behaviors are defensive behaviors to prevent further damage and in this case further detachment. This is how today’s youth ultimately survive. Yes these behaviors are disruptive and it causes frustrations and other ill emotions. However, understanding the precept of these behaviors helps us to maintain control and focus on the solution and not only just the behaviors.

So when we see anger, we need not to focus on what is portrayed in front of us, but focus on what is not portrayed to the youth. The best way to subside water boiling over a pot is to turn off the heat source or remove it from the heat. The heat is like unto our attitude and demeanor. If we respond angrily this escalates the behavior, the same as if we turn up the heat of boiling water it will increase. Oppositional behaviors or having oppositions is not always a negative thing. Many of our great leaders were oppositional in some form or another i.e. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks...Many of our freedoms and rights hinged on opposition. We simply have to teach and be patient with our youth that are oppositional.

It is important to understand that today’s youth are raised in callous environments that causes detachment in their lives and their behaviors are a defense mechanism to attempt to disrupt the detachment they have encountered. Their behaviors are not necessarily personal vendettas against adults or authoritative figures but rather a symptom and sign of disconnection. We should not take it personally as this will help us to focus on solutions as opposed to only focusing on the problem. By focusing on the solution helps us to reunite and connect with our youth that has been troubled. It will give them hope that their disruptive behaviors are not faint signals, but a mouth of brass that penetrates into the hearts of trusted individuals.

Reference

Brendrto, L. K., & Long, N. J. (2005) The danger of Disconnection. Reclaiming Children & Youth, 14(2), 66-68.

Written By: Taurean Wilson, LMHC Taurean Wilson is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC). He is the founder of Enlightened Pathways Counseling, Taurean Wilson One of the District Mental Health Counselor for Flagler County Schools, located in Palm Coast, FL. He is responsible for conducting threat assessments, harm to selfassessments, interpretation of assessments and diagnosis, implementation of individual and group counseling, as well as linking individuals to outside resources.