How Mental Health Professionals Can Practice Self-Care, Overcome Grief, & Be Grateful During the Pandemic

The landscape of mental health has changed dramatically during the pandemic. Even mental health practitioners are feeling the negative affects.

To be present mentally and physically for clients, psychotherapists need to not only tell clients to practice self-care, but therapists need to set time aside for their own self-care. Counselors are not immune to burnout. We are just as human as our clients.

When I felt the COVID fatigue set in, I took a few days off to go on a fishing trip. I found that unplugging and being one with nature was relaxing and refreshing. I felt rejuvenated when I returned to my office and could offer my best self to my clients.

Psychotherapists are a primary source of hope. Clients come to us and depend on us to give them hope that their problems can be resolved. Yet, we therapists may have reached a point of feeling hopeless ourselves.

Therapists give great advice, but we don’t have all the answers, especially when it comes to self-reflection. There is no better time than now for therapists to speak to a therapist of their own.

Besides listening to the troubles of all our clients during sessions, therapists have families of our own who we are responsible for making tough decisions for. For example, I am a mom of two school age sons. Because of distance learning, one of my sons became bored and was really struggling. My husband and I had to make the tough decision to send him back to in-person learning as soon as his school re-opened. While we realize there was risk of exposure involved, we saw greater risk in him potentially becoming depressed by having zero social interaction.

Quarantine does NOT mean isolation. Social distancing is the goal. We NEED connection to others even if we cannot make physical contact.

Overcoming Grief

A popular model suggests that grief is experienced in five stages—shock and denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and acceptance. I believe guilt and accounting for an adjustment period should be included as well.

Exercise and expressing yourself in creative outlets are two examples of healthy coping mechanisms as you work through the stages of grief. Whether COVID-related or not, many of us have experienced the loss of a loved one within the last year.

I lost my dad in March 2020, so I had a year of firsts without him, such as the first Christmas. That void was felt and will continue to be felt. My professional training tells me that the first year is the most difficult because new traditions are being formed. Because it is unhealthy for grief to be all-consuming, I limit myself to brief sessions. I set a five minute timer and allow myself that moment to let it all out, cry, and take deep breaths and then I resume the work I need to focus on.

When experiencing grief and missing the companionship of the loved one you lost, it’s important to seek companionship elsewhere. Just a couple of weeks after my dad’s passing, my family added a dog, Archer Fiasco McLovin’ Tomko, a shepherd/ malamute/ husky mix. He has brought us so much joy and has been critical in helping us overcome grief. When I look at Archer, I also remember my grandfather who was so kind to animals, and I realize I inherited that trait from him.

As a way to cope with my grandfather’s passing years ago, I used his denim jeans to sew a comfort animal. I found a pattern online to sew a teddy bear. This helped me heal.

Focus on Gratitude

I suggest to clients all the time to create a gratitude ritual in their home. At the dinner table, each person has to say one thing they like about all the others. Or, ask three people in your life three things they liked about their day.

Focusing on gratitude releases both dopamine and serotonin, which are the same hormones that antidepressants work with. By writing gratitude lists and making note of the things that bring us joy, we can permanently restructure our brain, called neuroplasticity. Our joy tends to be contagious, just as our negativity is. We can choose what energy we want to spread to others.

Pivoting My Business

As every business owner has had to do, I have had to shift my business model due to the pandemic to stay afloat. As a therapist in South Florida, many clients are senior citizens and therefore in a high risk category to contract the virus. My staff at Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Fla. made ourselves available to our clients via telehealth sessions.

Telehealth was first introduced to many people during the pandemic, but I am actually a pioneer in the field. I was ahead of the times when I founded a cutting-edge tetherapy company, Elite E-Counseling, LLC, to provide HIPAA compliant video conferencing sessions for Florida residents way back in 2006.

Clarity Health Solutions has always offered group therapy in addition to in-person therapy. During the pandemic, we created a group specific to people suffering with the stress and anxiety associated with COVID-19.

Because I understand that therapy is costly, I have done my best to make it accessible to anyone who needs it. I host a weekly Facebook Live that is free of charge to watch and participate in. There is a different topic each week. I also appear in a recurring weekly segment on CBS12 in West Palm Beach to offer all the viewers insight on a relevant mental health topic in the headlines.

We always have and always will evolve as a business to cater to, meet, and exceed the needs of our clients at any given moment.

Shift In Mentality

Mankind has been suffering from mental health issues for decades, even centuries. Until recently, sufferers felt they needed to hide these feelings, sweep them under the rug, stay quiet, be ashamed, and pretend nothing was wrong. The pandemic has gotten people talking about mental health. If there is one good thing to come out of all this, it is that mental health is no longer a taboo topic.

More people recognize they need help and are getting the help they need. The stigma of seeing a therapist is gradually evaporating. Getting help for a problem or a struggle should be something to be proud of, not ashamed of. An increasing number of people are conducting web searches to find therapists in their area and booking appointments.

I have a lot of experience working with first responders from 9/11, as well as local firefighters and police officers. I drew a parallel between the trauma that people suffered as a result of 9/11 and the trauma the pandemic is causing. On the surface level, they may seem like totally different things. One was a terrorist attack and the other is a global health crisis. The similarities lie in the fact that they are stirring the same emotions —feelings of helplessness, fear of the unknown, anger, grief, and sadness.

The very gift of love for others has now become their deepest pain. This pandemic is not an indicator of failure, but a process of nature. It is an opportunity to learn to establish new protocols. We will be more prepared in future events, but like any learning experience, we need to fall before we can soar. People are connecting in new ways, families are getting reacquainted, stressed people are being forced to relax, our environmental concerns are improving, and we all are regaining an appreciation for our freedom.

With more and more Americans getting vaccinated, we are now experiencing hope and some light at the end of the tunnel that previously looked like a dead end. Let’s be real though, we are not out of danger and this will continue to haunt our nation for years to come, but we have a better handle on mental health care.

I am hopeful that those who are struggling will continue to reach out to professionals to guide them through all these emotions. The mental health professionals are here to remind everyone of the light that may have dimmed. Seeing a professional doesn’t mean you are broken; it means you are brave. Psychotherapists support their clients’ healing journeys, helping them to grow through the pain and not be trapped in it.

Written By: Jennifer Tomko, LCSW

Psychotherapist Jennifer Tomko, LCSW owns Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Fla. She works with teens, adults, and senior citizens struggling with a wide variety of issues including stress, depression, trauma, grief, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, parenting, marriage, divorce, low motivation, sexuality, domestic violence, addiction, and dissociative identity disorder. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and TraumaFocused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT).