Around the Clock Listening

Professional Experience Article

My daughter and I filed into line, drained and giddy from an afternoon of thrifting, where we share our love for repurposing would-be castaways When it was our turn, we greeted the cashier warmly and fell into conversation.

She was tired at the end of her shift and ready to get off her feet.The uptick in her ongoing back pain was made worse by the stress of an adult son who had stopped paying his share of the rent. She was determined to set better boundaries with him. His abuse of her generosity had gone on for too many years. Seemingly unaware of the growing line behind us, she tearfully relayed that his shortcoming meant she might lose her home. She was angry, hurt, and exhausted. Thankfully, her beloved dog kept her from feeling too alone.

As she bagged our final items, she heaved a deep sigh. “It felt good to get that off my chest. Thank you for listening!” Smiling, I met her gaze and offered words of comfort that bubbled up from my heart. My daughter and I waved goodbye and headed for the exit.

I turned to my daughter to resume the easy chatter that had been waylaid by our new friend, and seeing her expression, stopped short Head tilted to one side, she looked at me with curiosity. “Mom, wherever we go, people share really personal stuff with you. Why do you think that is?”

In response, I shrugged my shoulders and joked, “Occupational hazard, I suppose!” We giggled together and moved on, the matter quickly forgotten.

Since, however, I have reflected more deeply on her question. As a fellow trained listener, I suspect you have similar experiences. As such, I hope my insights will benefit you.

First, empathetic listening is hard work, even if it seems to come naturally

As trained listeners, we have worked hard to perfect skills that are relatively uncommon and do not come naturally to others. We expertly ask open-ended questions, unfolding conversations instead of shutting them down. We are mindful of our posture and presentation, being careful to convey openness and create a safe, judgment-free environment. We track the movement of the conversation, asking thought-provoking follow-up questions that increase sharing. All the while, our training has equipped us to notice the sharer’s nonverbal cues those things said as well as unsaid and we skillfully integrate those messages into our overall impressions and responses.

This level of expert listening is anything but passive. It is active and depleting. It is, in short, extremely hard work. And yet, it is not a skill that is easily shut off. It is one that is woven into the very fiber of our beings. We take it into our daily interactions because it reflects the value we as helpers place on fellow humans.

Empathetic listening is a rare and precious gift to those who receive it.

Highly skilled, active listening communicates life-giving and often life-changing messages to its recipients: You are seen. You are heard. You have value. You have worth. You deserve to take up time and space. Your story, your pain, your struggles, your joys matter YOU matter.

Is it any wonder, then, that we find ourselves being entrusted with the stories of others, even when we are “off the clock.”

Your precious skill requires mindful boundaries.

Like any precious gift, your empathetic listening warrants specialized care and boundaries. Friend, not only are you allowed to take a break you must if you are to continue productively in this line of work. Be mindful of your own personal resources and level of depletion. Are you becoming entangled in a weighty conversation after an exhausting day with clients? Because it is so deeply ingrained in us, we can unintentionally bring into casual interactions the expert listening that is appropriate for clients.

Take time to discern your responses, disconnect from others, and connect with you. Give yourself permission to create healthy distance so that you can go the distance.Practice the self-compassion you advocate to your clients Engage in replenishing activities that bring life to your soul Remember to listen to YOU! You, dear reader, are worth it!

Written By: Charlene Richardson, MA, LMHC, CCTP-I

Charlene is a licensed mental health counselor and life coach who specializes in helping women struggling with issues of self-worth, self-care, depression, anxiety, abuse, trauma, relationship dif loss Charlene’s passion is to help women experien inner healing that overflows into relationships and impacts future generations While providing a safe place free of criticism, she helps women unearth the beauty in their stories, embrace their value, and live a life of purpose and fulfillment