The Silent Thief

Dementia is a thief. Over several years it stole functioning and connection from my husband, then finally stole his life. Alzheimer’s, one type of Dementia, is a terrible way to die. It was a shock to my daughters and others, but not to me. I already knew what to expect from years as a Gerontologist and developer of geriatric programs that were subjects of several of my books. Did that make it easier? Only in the sense that firefighters headed into another wildfire know what is ahead but not exactly how it will feel when they are engulfed by flames.

I heard other families complain and blame the care staff as their loved ones declined. So, I spent time often at the nursing station and during care meetings engaging Compassion Fatigue approaches to affirm them. It’s a tough job. There are no winners with Alzheimer’s – no cure, no successful treatment, and no positive outcome. . . at least not yet.

So, what can Mental Health Counselors do? Our primary role is with the families. This is the long goodbye. It is watching a person rewind - - skills fade, communication decreases and mobility is lost. We can help families deal with the changes, the loss of connection and finally the death. We can also prepare them for the Role Exit. Blau’s theory of Role Exit deals with sudden or expected changes in life roles. This happens with any loss yet for spouses and families the role changes in dementia are progressive.

Keep in mind that Alzheimer’s is just the “brand name” of dementia like Kleenex is often the better-known name for tissue. The old term, Multi-infarct Dementia is more commonly known as Vascular Dementia. There are others related to diseases or injury such as Creutzfeldt- Jakob, Wernicke-Korsakoff, Lewy Body Dementia and Huntington’s disease. Dementia is not “old timers disease” – it is not a respecter of age, ethnicity, or gender.

Older adults and their families are also robbed literally by fake, unproven and frankly nonsensical “cures”. Spouses and families are desperate to reverse what medical science has not been able to cure so they are easy prey. Counseling with spouses and families of persons with dementia is helping them deal with the immediately discernable losses and how to uplift the patient. Connect them with the nearest Alzheimer’s Association office. There are support groups as well as validated information for all family members. Look on the web site, www.alz.org for excellent resources such as age-appropriate books to help children and grandchildren understand what is happening with the changes in their grandparent.

This disease is growing in numbers worldwide. There are Walks to End Alzheimer’s around at several Florida locations. Walkers often carry color coded flowers. At the end of each walk is an area designed as the Promise Garden where walkers place those flowers or flower symbols. Purple flowers mean you have lost someone to Alzheimer’s or another Dementia. Yellow is for dementia caregivers; blue is living with a person who has Alzheimer’s and orange is for supporters and professionals helping others.

This disease is growing in numbers worldwide. There are Walks to End Alzheimer’s around at several Florida locations. Walkers often carry color coded flowers. At the end of each walk is an area designed as the Promise Garden where walkers place those flowers or flower symbols. Purple flowers mean you have lost someone to Alzheimer’s or another Dementia. Yellow is for dementia caregivers; blue is living with a person who has Alzheimer’s and orange is for supporters and professionals helping others.

Written By: Kathie Erwin,Ed.D., LMHC, NCC, NCGC

Dr. Kathie Erwin is aProfessor at DivineMercy University Schoolof Counseling and Green Cross AcademyCertified Master Traumatologist. She is aLicensed Mental Health Counselor,National Certified Counselor, NationalCertified Gerontological Counseling andAMHCA Diplomat in Geriatric Counseling.Dr Erwin was appointed FulbrightSpecialist teaching at University ofIceland. She has served asSecretary/Board Member and isPresident Elect for FMHCA