The De-mystification of Feelings

Here it is August 2022 and, as I ponder a movie I viewed last night for the second time, I am aware of feeling enlightened. I recall originally viewing this movie September 1999. The movie, The Sixth Sense, tells a story of a dedicated child psychologist played by Bruce Willis, whose earthly goal was to help a troubled young child. This very bright child experienced numerous fears and anxieties, resulting from his inability to communicate the secret that led to his fears. With the trust that he gradually developed in his psychologist, he was eventually able to reveal his secret-he saw and heard dead people.These apparitions appeared to be the spirits of departed souls who continually attempted to communicate with him. With the help of his psychologist, the young boy finally came to realize that the answer to his dilemma lay in his ability and willingness to listen to their spirits. He possessed, the movie suggests, a “sixth sense” which led to the multitude and intensity of feelings that he experienced. By finally no longer fleeing from the reality of his visions, but rather confronting and listening to their voices, he thus freed the souls to find rest and move on. By feeling his feelings, the child freed himself from the fears that had previously enslaved him.

Do we possess a sixth sense? I don’t know. I do believe, however, that we, too, fear feeling our feelings.

Feelings – what exactly are they and why do they elicit diverse and intense reactions within us? Is it possible that one is not aware of his or her feelings, or could it be that one consciously chooses to avoid exploring such feelings? The dissociation from feelings may temporarily numb oneself; however, such a practice usually leads to an unconscious act, which in turn could become a negative habit. Compulsive binge-eating, bulimia, anorexia, alcohol, drug use, gambling, overspending, to name a few, become the coping mechanism for something else.What is that something? Feelings, of course! What are we afraid of? Is it a sense of the unknown or is it a fear of losing control? I cannot nor would I attempt to answer this for you. However, I believe that when we do not listen to our thoughts and experience our feelings, they lead to dysfunction, negative coping strategies and negative habits. In addition, I believe that we have an inner sense and that we would be in a better place if we listened to this voice. Perhaps with this communication, we could find purpose, peace of mind, greater understanding and, most importantly, a new way to cope with that which caused the original negative feeling.

Disordered eating and other negative and abusive behaviors are complex. The answers are represented as pieces of a puzzle, which need to be strategically placed to form a whole. When faced with the act, we need to stop and listen to our internal messages that caused the negative behavior. Just like the young boy

in The Sixth Sense, we must listen to ourselves. Such a practice could lead to restitution. Is it easy to do so? No! Will one experience fear when attempting this? Yes! Will our honest introspection resolve the problem? Maybe the answer will be yes or no. However, with each introspection, the deepening of a new feeling may develop – one of understanding and peace. Our ability to be honest about what our needs are leads to growth. What type of growth you may ask? I am referring to a growth that leads to a healthier mind, body, and spirit. Once we set forth to grow this way, I believe that our life’s journey takes a new direction and a more positive meaning. Just like the boy in this movie, we embark on a journey in which the “mystery” of feeling becomes “demystified”. Overall, the ability to stop, look, and listen requires the courage and willingness to face our feelings in the pursuit of a meaningful life rather than in the pursuit of negative behaviors.

As health care professionals who work with individuals with abusive and addictive behaviors, we can utilize this approach to help our clients. Once trust has been developed, the encouragement to listen to one’s inner sense and face the accompanying fears can be suggested and worked with. Hence, we become a catalyst in our client’s growth, understanding and eventual independence and freedom. This enables them to face their fears thus grow and pursue a more positive journey.

Written By: Louise Parente, PhD, LCSW, CEDS

Louise is a certified eating disorder specialist, psychotherapist, supervisor, educator, and coach. She has presented at a variety of symposiums, conferences, and hospitals; has worked as an adjunct lecturer at New York University, School of Social Work. She is the recipient of the Marquis Who's Who Lifetime Achievement Award, 2020 Dr. Parente is the author of Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow. Saying goodbye to an eating problem which focuses on changing your relationship with food using Loss and Grief as a treatment model. She divides her time between Florida and New Jersey.