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FEBRUARY 2020 EUROPE'S LEADING MAGAZINE FOR LESBIANS & BI WOMEN

Love Issue Núñez on the block Meet Gen Q’s Arienne Mandi

Kristen Stewart “I’m not intimidated by celebrity anymore”

Hey, kween!

The pioneers diversifying beauty pageants

Celesbian love stories The power couples we love to love

MARIA McKEE The Show Me Heaven singer on coming out later in life

Happily ever after How to make love last

What is love, actually?

Understanding the science of attraction

PLUS LUCY FRY | LGBT HISTORY MONTH | PRIDE IN TAIWAN | DATE NIGHT FASHION | THE L WORD

PARENTHOOD:

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CONTENTS UPFRONT 04 Dictum 06 Your shout 08 Trending

VOICES

32

56

FEATURES

CULTURE

REAL TALK

18 Kristen Stewart

44 The Shane effect

56 Cheers to Gayle

28 Long-term love

46 Arienne Mandi

58 LGBT History Month

32 Celesbian love stories

50 Maria McKee

10 Eleanor Margolis 12 Valentino Vecchietti 14 Olivia Jones 16 Lucy Fry

46

36 Queer beauty queens

COVER PHOTO JOE SCARNICI, WITH THANKS TO GETTY

40 The science of love

Throughout the issue you will see this symbol, which indicates that there is digital content available related to that particular feature. You will be able to access this complementary content when you purchase our digital edition from divadigital.co.ukk or directly through the DIVA branded app, available on the App Store, Google Play, Kindle Newsstand and Windows Store.

(Please note that additional content may not be available via all of our third-party digital suppliers. However, buying the issue using one of the methods above give you access this content.)

60

70

76

SEX

ESCAPE

LIFESTYLE

60 BDSM for beginners

66 Taiwan

72 Date night fashion

62 Sexy Bits

69 Explore

74 Taimi app

64 My Secret Sex Diary

70 Philadelphia

76 The Lingerie Addict

...and DIVA regular sections 49 Music | 53 Books | 54 Screen | 78 Diary | 82 Stars 3

DICTUM

UPFRONT | DICTUM As The L Word: Generation Q hits UK screens on 4 February, tell us, who are you most crushing on?

Editor-in-chief Carrie Lyell “Finley. Those hairy armpits make me go weak at the knees. #ButchOnButch”

EDITOR’S LETTER

LOVE WINS? THE FIGHT IS STILL ON...

“Love Wins”. So go the t-shirts and the banners and the saccharine op-eds. The slogan has become eyerollingly ubiquitous, trotted out by writers, politicians and celebrities, seemingly without thought. But I don’t feel particularly victorious when I’m eyeballed on the bus, verbally abused, or when I’m having eggs thrown at me. I don’t feel triumphant reading that the perpetrators of a violent hate crime have walked free from court, and it doesn’t feel like a win when, still, DIVA are back of the queue for interview requests, because lesbians are just not that important to publicists

Managing editor Roxy Bourdillon “Whether it’s ‘04 or 2020, Bette Porter in a power suit will never not do it for me”

and managers.

There are times when the weight of it all finds me despondent and defeated. In those moments, that slogan feels obnoxious, stinging more than the abuse itself. It’s easy, when you’re feeling attacked, to give up. To make yourself small, be less objectionable. In those moments, it’s imperative we fight against that instinct and shine brighter than before. Visibility is one of the most powerful weapons in our arsenal, and that’s why we’re launching Lesbian Visibility Week on Monday 20 April. We have some incredible events planned, and we’ll also be publishing the results of one of the largest surveys ever commissioned into the lives of lesbians and bi women. Keep an eye on social media for more on that.

We also want to hear about times you’ve felt invisible, so please email your stories to editorial@divamag.co.uk if you’d like to share. Until then, much love.

Carrie Lyell carrie@divamag.co.uk | @Seej

Senior staff writer Danielle Mustarde “Megan Rapinoe. Oops, spoiler alert” Staff writer Sophie Griffiths “Finley. She’s so goofy, and doesn’t even seem to realise how cute she is” Sub-editor Kat Halstead “There’s something more self-assured about Alice this time, and I’m 100% here for that”

Music editor Laura Howard Screen editor Kat Halstead Books editor Erica Gillingham Travel editor Joanna Whitehead Designer Fernando Safont Big thanks to: Getty Images, Ken Leverenz, Jenna Jones, Richard O’Leary, Matt Cain, Rikki Dale, Emma-Jay Webber, Lucy Helen Rayner, Luna Matatas, Philip Michael Augustus Waggott Advertising manager Raj Valentino 020 3735 7871 raj@divamag.co.uk Events social manager Kat Stephens kat@divamag.co.uk Sales 020 3735 7871 Subscriptions 01202 586 848 For UK prices see p63 Subscriptions help contact@selectps.com If you need a back issue to complete your set, email kat@divamag.co.uk. If you have difficulty reading the printed word, you can get DIVA on audio cassette on subscription. Contact Feminist Audio Books on 0161 273 8038 or email books@ feministaudiobooks.org.uk THE MARCH ISSUE OF DIVA IS ON SALE FROM 21 FEBRUARY (DIGITAL) AND 27 FEBRUARY (PRINT).

Postal address DIVA MAGAZINE Room 32, Spectrum House, 32-34 Gordon House Road, London NW5 1LP editorial@divamag.co.uk divamag.co.uk Newstrade distribution Select Publisher Services Ltd, PO BOX 6337, Bournemouth, BH1 9EH Distribution help steve@magazineworkshop.co.uk Printed in UK by CPUK Print Publishing (cp-uk. co.uk) Published by DIVA MEDIA GROUP LIMITED Publisherr Linda Riley linda@divamag.co.uk Managing Directorr Felicity Milton fizz@divamag.co.uk Creative Directorr Jacquie Lawrence jacquie@divamag.co.uk Chairr Antonia Hardy antonia@divamag.co.uk All rights reserved © DMG 2016 ISSN 1353 4912

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DIVA is published monthly in the UK by DIVA Media Group Limited. The mention or appearance or likeness of any person or organisation in articles or advertising in DIVA is not to be taken as any indication of sexual, social or political orientation of such persons or organisations. No responsibility can be assumed for unsolicited materials and submission is construed as permission to publish without further correspondence at the fee payable at our usual rates.

Advertisers are advised that all copy is their sole responsibility under the Trade Protection Act. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publishers.

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With your favorite person in the middle of your new favorite city.

UPFRONT | YOUR SHOUT

INSTAGRAM @DIVAmagazine

You said it...

YOUR SHOUT

@abigailgmorris_ Omg!! Is that the ICONIC @stevieboebi on the cover of @DIVAmagazine??? I think yes?? @professoraneves Giving a shout out 2 @DIVAmagazine! We look forward 2 reading the articles every month.

Proud 2 b #LGBTQ

correspondents and contributors do not necessarilyy reflect the views of the editors of DIVA magazine or its publishers.

JOIN Z THE BUivZamagazine

@AdeleBatesZ I like to leave my read @DIVAmagazine in places they may not usually have them :) @SOFIAirport #Bulgaria #LGBT

k.com/d .uk faceboo @divamag.co s r lette agazine @DIVAm

@JustJuno1 I adore being in @DIVAmagazine always feels like an honour

@LuCorfield “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” – Oscar Wilde.

A ‘powerful’ start to the New Year... Read our interview with @Seej in the Jan edition of @DIVAmagazine. House of Pride @pride_houseof

CALL-OUT Are you a budding writer?

Want to see your name in lights on our website? It’s your lucky day. We’re looking for new online contributors, so if you’ve got a great idea for an article, email editorial@divamag.co.uk and tell us all about it

6 FEBRUARY 2020

@stevieboebi GUYS. I’M ON THE COVER OF @DIVAmagazine ARE YOU KIDDING I’M SO HAPPY OMG OMG OMG @fallowfairy Yay!! My issue of @DIVAmagazine January 2020 arrived today also!!

Can’t wait to start reading it..!!

@thedinahshore HAPPY NEW DECADE DINAH FAM! It’s 2020 and we are celebrating our DINAH DIRTY THIRTY! Who’s ready??! #THEDINAH LEZ DO #THEDINAH2020 #dinahshoreweekend

@catbearuk We have loads of love for @DIVAmagazine! Check out their article and interview with us – head for their website to read all about it @EveRay1 Back to work today... but the new @DIVAmagazine has just arrived so it’s like Christmas all over again! @LoShearing Hey @DIVAmagazine – my girlfriend’s mum got us this printed pillow of us at the DIVA Awards... we really didn’t know what to say...

@_breakingthedistance STOP SEXUALISING QUEER WOMEN We are honoured to have been invited to take part in the @unite_uk1 campaign to ‘Stop Sexualising Queer Women’ alongside 25 other queer women globally!

HOW DO YOU READ YOURS? @thedesignervagina

Emily sent us this picture of her girlfriend, Ania, and their cat and said: “DIVA magazine subscription arrived today!

Dexter is enjoying it!”

How do you read yours? Send your pictures to letters@divamag.co.uk or tag us on social media and you could appear in a future issue!

Beautiful #VulvaArt! @vulvandala

via

APOLOGY We’d like to offer our apologies to photographer Simon Croot, whose images of Chantell Riches’ wedding we used without appropriate credit in our November 2019 issue. To see more of Simon’s work, visit simoncrootphotography.co.uk.

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Georgia Known professionally as simply Georgia, Georgia Barnes is an English producer, songwriter, singer, drummer and wild-haired Londoner making waves in the UK with exhilarating and ecstasy-infused tunes.

Music runs in the family with dad, Neil Barnes (one half of British dance duo Leftfield), encouraging Georgia’s budding rhythm obsession from an early age growing up in a housing co-op, always drenched in dance tracks coming through the walls.

After seeing Leftfield headline some of the country’s biggest stages, Georgia started out writing her own songs as a teenager and, at university, took up drumming for artists including Kwes. This led to drumming live for spoken word poet and rapper Kate Tempest and hitting the studio with producer Micachu.

Georgia began working independently, releasing her debut album in 2015, and now, five years later, she’s back with her second album release,

Seeking Thrills, all about the transcendental power of the dancefloor.

She’s no longer hiding behind production though; her voice and lyrics are at the forefront and it’s a change we very much welcome.

Talking about the first single released from the new album, About Work The Dancefloor, Georgia says: “I made this song after a weekend in Berlin, [spent] entirely dancing in a few clubs, and realised how important the dancefloor is to people to give them a certain relief from their everyday activities.”

Georgia has created her own euphoric, late-night dance sound and plays live from her very own DJ booth. On stage, she’s surrounded by a half-circle of equipment including drum pads, cymbals and synthesisers. It almost has to be seen to be believed, so take any chance to see her live.

We’re sure she’ll be hitting the festival circuit this summer to seek some thrills of her own.

Seeking Thrills is out now

WORDS CARRIE LYELL, ROXY BOURDILLON, SOPHIE GRIFFITHS

TRENDING

Why we love

8 FEBRUARY 2020

UPFRONT | TRENDING

MEDIAWATCH with Carrie Lyell @Seej

YEAR OF THE UNICORN

1

2

3

Say hello to our latest obsessions

PICK’N’MIX

4

1

BI AND BEAUTIFUL

2

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

3

LADY PARTS PENCIL SET

4

SEXY 6

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A secret book of romantic/ randy messages – magic X-ray specs included! amazon.co.uk, £8.99

For fans of titties, hoo-has and vag unblushing.com, £7.98

Give your love life a glow-up with this queer-inclusive bedroom game sh-womenstore.com, £9

As we enter a new decade, Brexit looms, Australia burns and war with Iran looks ever more likely. I’m on the hunt for reasons to be cheerful, so I was delighted to see this little glimmer of positivity land in my inbox.

Described as “the world’s first bi arts and culture magazine”, Unicorn is a new not-for-profit online space from the folks behind Bi Pride for those who experience attraction beyond gender to tell their own stories in their own words.

A press release explains: “LGBTQ+ media and publications are a fantastic source of inspiring information that we owe so much to, however, rarely is the authentic bi experience reflected, despite bi people making up a substantial part of the LGBTQ+ community.”

Lev Alexander, creative director and co-founder of Unicorn, and head of media and comms at Bi Pride, adds: “Unicorn is the magazine I wish I had growing up... Finally talking about bi people, from bi people.”

While not specifically referencing DIVA, I know myself there is room for improvement in the way we cover bi stories. Making up for past wrongs weighs heavy too, and winning back the trust of everyone under the bi umbrella is an ongoing process I’m wholeheartedly committed to.

But the truth is that no one platform can cater to a group of people whose identities, interests, likes and dislikes, are vast, overlapping and sometimes at odds. That’s why it’s so encouraging to see more queer people taking advantage of the democratising power of the internet to carve their own space.

From podcasts and zines to YouTube channels and TikToks, there’s room for us all in the sprawling digital space, and that is a cause for celebration if you ask me.

Check out Unicorn now at biprideuk.org/unicorn

9

VOICES

VOICES | ELEANOR MARGOLIS

“It’s now a phrase that comes out as naturally as a hiccup or a fart” ELEANOR MARGOLIS is a freelance journalist who also writes a column for New Statesman. @EleanorMargolis

10 FEBRUARY 2020

“I love you” yeah, yeah, yeah..

ELEANOR MARGOLIS reflects on the meaning of those three little words

T

he first time I ever told a non-family member I loved them, it was a lie. I was 17 and in a relationship with someone who was sweet and thoughtful, but not (and this turned out to be kind of a biggie) a girl. We were in my bed after sleeping together for maybe the second time. Which – if anything – had been even more awkward, fumbling and dull than the first. I was lying there, staring at the ceiling and wondering if this was my life now; unsexy sex with someone I liked but ultimately found about as sexual as a lawnmower. Then he said it: “I love you.”

I grew up in a family that was generous with the “I love yous”. We’d pepper our everyday conversation with them. They came as naturally to us as sighs, groans, or any other vocalisations that can be made without a second thought. That’s not to say we didn’t mean them – after all, when you sigh, you probably feel genuinely wistful; or when you groan, you probably feel genuinely annoyed. The point is, though, I’d only ever responded to an “I love you” in one way, so – almost as a reflex – I said it: “I love you too.”

I wondered for a while if I really did. I’d never felt romantic love before, so – for all I knew – this could be it. He did make me feel special. But then again, so did my brother from time to time. Maybe this was love, and love was just phenomenally underwhelming. But the thing is with love – you always know, deep down, when you don’t feel it.

The same, half-suffocated part of me that knew I was gay, knew this was not love.

The weight of the fake “I love you” quickly took hold. About a week after saying it, I told my boyfriend I thought I might be a lesbian. In my mind, this was

me letting him down gently. Although I was out as bi at the time, it would still be a few years before I came to terms with the fact I wasn’t. But – to this day – I’m certain that the disingenuous “I love you”, and all of the nauseating guilt that came with it, set me on the path of big gay realisation. Because sometimes you tell a lie, and the truth stands right in front of you, arms folded and one eyebrow raised.

When – in my early 20s – I started dating women, the “I love yous” became so full of meaning, I could barely contain them. They weren’t always reciprocated. They were a lot like giant, helium-filled balloons that I tied in complicated knots around my wrists, in an effort to keep them tethered. Whereas a fake “I love you” feels heavy, I’ve found that a real one feels light.

I remember crying the first time my current partner told me she loved me. I had PMS at the time, which certainly wasn’t making the emotion and elation of the whole situation any less vivid. “I love you too,” I said, and meant it. Even if the tears suggested I was in the middle of some kind of breakdown.

It’s now a phrase that comes as naturally to us as a hiccup or a fart (another regular occurrence in our relationship). Which – again – is not to say we don’t mean it each and every time, be it a rushed “Love you” at the end of a phone call, or a sustained, “I love you”, complete with a hug, when one of us is feeling down.

So, if an “I love you” feels as if it’s trying to escape you, like an overly-filled helium balloon, it probably means it’s real. And, what’s more, it probably means you should set it free. And – come to think of it – exactly the same goes for a fart.

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VOICES | VALENTINO VECCHIETTI

The power of (platonic) love VALENTINO VECCHIETTI on why we need to champion female friendship

“Having loving, platonic, relationships with women is so empowering and enabling”

VALENTINO VECCHIETTI is a writer, academic, intersex human rights campaigner and a lesbian. They founded Intersex Equality Rights UK. @ValentinoInter

12 FEBRUARY 2020

S

ince my last long-term relationship, I have been through a shift in what I think love can be. Growing up, I learnt from TV, film and novels that as a woman, love could only be romantic or familial. That for us, love was threatened by external friendships.

Alternatively, I learnt again and again that men could be “bros”, and that they could have close “bromances” with their male friends. And that horrible phrase, “bros before hoes”, told me in no uncertain terms that for men, friendship comes first.

But for us, there isn’t an equivalent story. Or an equivalent language. What even is the word for a female “bromance”?

Sister + romance = “sismance”, but that doesn’t sound right... maybe “womance”? I don’t know. Please do tweet some terms to me if you’re reading this now and know a word that describes women’s friendship.

Having close friendships, where you feel an intense love which is purely platonic, is a beautiful thing. I have friendships like that now, which I value so much. But it took a long time for me to get here. My friend Dr Ronx’s motto, “You cannot be what you do not see”, is so true.

It’s really hard to find your way without the permission that seeing representation gives you. That is why I work so hard in my intersex activism to create representation for intersex existence in film, television and theatre. We all need to see ourselves existing in ways which validate our identities and our lives.

But when it comes to representation and language for friendship between women, we still need to do a lot of work.

Looking back at my intense relationships with women, they were all directed by the unspoken rule that as a woman, my partner had to be everything to me. I believed

that keeping external best friends would threaten that. My female partners believed the same.

The idea of the intense, lesbian relationship has become a trope of which we are all very aware. But this behaviour didn’t come from nowhere. It was taught to us. I think about all the stories I learnt growing up about what women could be. They were so limiting. They revolved around us being defined by who we belong to, from the earliest fairytales we are told, to the stories in TV soaps and Hollywood films.

And these narratives simply aren’t taught to men. Men are taught that friendship is empowering, and even heroic. Typically, we’re shown narratives that portray friendship between women as something which leads to betrayal.

After I broke up from my last longterm relationship, and lost my best friend of 10 years, I was devastated. I decided that I wouldn’t let this happen to me again. Putting friendships first was a revelation. Over many years, I have built and maintained loving friendships with a wide circle of people. But still now, quite often in my friend circles, women lament the loss of good friends because they have “disappeared” into relationships which follow those same old rules.

Having loving, platonic, relationships with women is so empowering and enabling. The reality in my experience is that it is rare to be betrayed by a woman. Betrayal isn’t even a gendered thing, it’s a person thing, and it’s rarer than you’d think.

Things are changing, but it’s too slow, and it’s not enough. In a world which continues to erase the powerful voices and actions of women, we need new stories.

Stories which reflect our actual experiences, and champion love, friendship, loyalty, and bravery between women.

VOICES | OLIVIA JONES

Love in the real world OLIVIA JONES on rejecting Hollywood, cleaning up chilli, and doing it your way...

“You must decide what you want for yourself and not what society wants for you”

OLIVIA JONES is a presenter based in Manchester.

She lives with her wife and has a dangerous addiction to cheese. @ThatOliviaJones

14 FEBRUARY 2020

L

ove is gross. Maybe I sound like an old and bitter hag, but there is something about it which is just so vomit-inducing. Okay, maybe not so much real love, but Hollywood love. Watching a romantic film is a serious eye-roll for me, because of how quickly and deeply characters get so completely wrapped up. Within a matter of days, they end up moving to the other side of the country or risking their lives for each other. I recently watched The Tourist, starring Angelina Jolie and Johnny Depp, and within 24 hours of Angelina meeting Depp’s character, she was driving a speedboat down the canals of Venice and shooting at Italian police to try and save him (and they say lesbians are dramatic).

Real world love, to me, is far more sedentary. It is cleaning the chilli con carne off the kitchen floor that my wife just dropped, because she’s having a bad enough day as it is. It’s forcing her to wash the glitter off her chest at 3am when she’s just rolled in from a hockey club social (dressed as a Troll doll from the 90s). It’s dropping everything and driving four-and-a-half hours across the country when there’s a family emergency, and it’s refusing to take her to Ikea because we are saving money for a house – even though I secretly want to dive into some Swedish meatballs. It’s messy, it’s mundane and it’s inconvenient.

Which is why I have absolutely every empathy for people who are feeling pressure from society to find “the one” and settle down. If you haven’t found the right person, doing all the boring stuff becomes torture.

Eventually you end up asking yourself, “Why am I doing this?” and you find you don’t have an answer. I’ve been there before.

I have friends that are approaching 30 and single, and I am so glad that they are, because having seen them with previous

partners, they are much better alone at this time in their life. In no way am I passing judgement of what their previous relationships were like. It is always important for me to remember that, as a friend, I am often only hearing the negative – we all love a moan. However, watching their confidence blossom, watching them achieve so much in their career and watching them make brave decisions, that I never could as someone in a relationship, is what makes me so proud that they are refusing to cave to pressure from societal norms.

Every so often, one of my friends turns to me in a panic about her future, about whether she’ll be able to have a family, and I offer two options. You can either: choose to change your behaviour, put yourself on a different path and meet a wider variety of people. Or you can keep doing what you’re doing and pick up someone on your path. And here’s the beauty: you can flip between the two. It’s not one or the other. It’s both at the whim of your desire. But most of all, and here’s the clincher, you must decide what you want for yourself and not what society wants for you. There’s something that always makes me wince about people who have a “plan”. Of course, we should all have things to aim for. But life is so unpredictable that forcing yourself into deadlines, which do not solely rely on your actions, puts so much unnecessary pressure on you. You are only 50% of the relationship! The real danger comes if someone, forcing themselves to a strict timeline, settles for someone who isn’t quite the right fit, resulting in years of pain.

So, to all my single Pringles reading this, I just want to say that I support you, and that ultimately, I wish my wife would stop dropping chilli con carne on the kitchen floor just to see if I still love her.

VOICES | LUCY FRY

Easier ways to say I love you LUCY FRY searches for answers inside her mess of a heart

“I just wanted both, and for the ache in my heart to stop”

LUCY FRY is a journalist, author and speaker based in London. Her love life’s tricky, but the writing helps – a lot. @lucy_fry_writer

16 FEBRUARY 2020

I

f I were to try and explain to you all the twists and turns of my triangulated sex life over the past three years, you’d probably laugh, nervously, before opening Google to check the meaning of the word “compersion”.

It’s a wonder, then, that my memoir, Easier Ways To Say I Love You, isn’t more amusing. That said, if you’ve ever wondered how the hell couples try (or fail) to open up their relationships, you’ll probably find it entertaining. Maybe that’s because all of the key characters in the book find “compersion” – the feeling of joy one might get in ethical non-monogamy, at seeing your lover wanting or enjoying another lover – is harder than doing a onearmed handstand in a blizzard.

I guess living through (and writing about) an affair-that-became-a-throuple, and a throuple-that-became-a-mess, wasn’t exactly cheerful, however exciting it might have felt. Sometimes it was downright heartbreaking, while at others, it was more a logistical challenge. Also: imagine the physical awkwardness of trying to sleep three grown adults in a double bed. Then add an infant (The Boy, our son), who wakes, four times a night – ouch!

“Just what on earth are we doing here?” I wondered, more than once. And was it truly worth it, just for more sex? My wife, B, and I had been finding that side of things tricky for a few years, and the insertion (ahem) of the seductive, playful A into our lives had spiced things up. Suddenly, we saw one another differently; it felt a bit like it had at the beginning for B and I, that lusty spontaneity returned.

But there was also another problem now: I’d fallen, mistakenly, in love with A, which wasn’t planned or convenient. B too, it seemed, was besotted and yet three, for us, was not a magic number. A wanted less, B wanted more and I just wanted

both, and for the ache in my heart to stop.

I felt quite split – eviscerated – so I did what I always do when I can’t make sense: I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote.

What appeared on the page surprised me somewhat. It wasn’t just the “now”, but also the “then”. It was myself as a thirtysomething as much as myself as a teenager. It was myself as a new mother as much my childhood with my mother.

There followed the intensely therapeutic process of tying together the threads between those wounds and patterns I’d developed as a child alongside my more complex current desires and cravings.

It was through the writing of my book that I saw how those early experiences of love, affection and attunement (or the lack thereof) can shape us for years to come.

To quote psychotherapist, author and relationships guru, Esther Perel: “Tell me how you were loved, and I will tell you how you make love.” Using my emotional chaos as creative cannon fodder to craft a memoir was, however, very healing.

But where has it left me/us? How is my relationship with A (no longer romantically involved with B) and in what state is my marriage to B? What of monogamy, ethical non-monogamy, polyamory? Which do I choose, if any, as the way forward?

I promise my readers emotional truth, so here we go: I still don’t know. There are easier ways to tell people you love them, for example, than writing a book. No wonder five agents said although my story was “unique and compelling”, it was “a bit too left-field, a tricky sell”. Thankfully, one independent publisher chose to honour (and publish) the mess inside my heart. I hope it helps you honour yours.

Easier Ways To Say I Love You will be published by Myriad Editions on 6 February. Pre-order for £8.99 (incl. free UK shipping) via myriadeditions.com

CELEBRATING INSPIRATIONAL LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANS, INTERSEX AND QUEER PEOPLE IN OUR COMMUNITY

SHORTLIST ANNOUNCED AND VOTING STARTS FRIDAY 14 FEBRUARY

Find out more at divaawards.co.uk

PART OF

LESBIAN visibility wEEk

20 – 26 APRIL 2020

FEATURES

COVER STORY | KRISTEN STEWART

32

Celesbian love stories The lez/bi power couples giving us relationship goals

36

Hey, kween We find out what it’s like to be a queer beauty queen

40

Love is the drug The science behind what’s really happening when we fall in love

18 FEBRUARY 2020

SEA CHANGE

KRISTEN STEWART ON GROWING OLDER, FEELING FREER AND THE IMPORTANCE OF TELLING QUEER STORIES WORDS DANIELLE MUSTARDE

It’s been quite the decade for Kristen Stewart, don’t you think? In fact, as the curtains drew to a close on 2019, the 29-year-old Los Angeles native was named “Actress of the Decade” by the Hollywood Critics Association for her “impressive filmography”. And impressive it is, with over 40 acting credits under her belt.

Today, as we toe the fresh tide of a new decade, Stewart finds herself looking ahead at the 20s – and her 30s – still glowing after an explosive return to the world of Hollywood blockbusters with the recent rebootof-a-reboot Charlie’s Angels, all the while promoting indie drama Seberg – the highly anticipated biopic of

I’m not afraid to expreSS my ideas, even political ones”

More info on Contents page 3

American actor and political activist, Jean Seberg, in which she takes on the lead role. But what of Stewart herself?

The woman outside of the frame?

Thumbing through her more intimate, recent interviews, it seems that the “sooo gay” Stewart of the 2010s (or is it the teens?) is ready to embark upon a new journey – both artistically and personally. All throughout >>>

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2019, she continued to move further and further away from the stiff stereotype that’s often portrayed her as the serious, stuttering “good bad girl”, as The New York Times has labelled her. “The real Kristen Stewart – funny and fiercely open – is only just emerging,” it said, and it seems that, along with this new decade, the real Kristen Stewart has finally arrived.

As a matter of fact, while doing the rounds at both the recent Venice and Zurich Film Festivals, Stewart >>>

20 FEBRUARY 2020

revealed she was surprised that Charlie’s Angels director and creator Elizabeth Banks sought her out for a role that called on her to show a “goofy side” that she has rarely, if ever, offered up on screen. “I’ve made many dramatic films and I think of myself as the last person who you would think to do anything comic,” Stewart says. “But fortunately, Liz Banks saw my comic and funny side – which I would describe more as my clumsy side. She saw my goofball side and

she shows that side of me... no one had ever done that before.”

It was Banks, best known as director and producer of the Pitch Perfect movies, who was responsible for convincing Sony Pictures to green-light this latest iteration, intent on bringing a much sharper feminist perspective to the story. “We worked really hard to honour the legacy of Charlie’s Angels,” Banks has said. “I think it was so revolutionary to say that women could solve crime. I mean, that show called

COVER STORY | KRISTEN STEWART

Stewart as actor Jean Seberg in her latest movie

out sexism in the opening credits.”

Equally, it was she who attracted Stewart to the role. “I’m so proud of the movie. [Liz] told me that she wanted to bring Charlie’s Angels back to life and I jumped on the project – not just because I’m a huge fan of the films, but also because she had this crazy idea to imagine me in this role. Liz took this world that we’ve all gotten familiar with and expanded it. She hit fast-forward and thought about where these characters would

“The onslaught of that type of aTTention can reaLLy put you in a hole”

be in the present time. There’s more of us, and the film also reflects this resurgence of women and the distinct sense of self that women of this generation are developing, and how you become more formidable as a group.

[She was] the perfect person in my eyes to make this movie.”

What of Stewart’s self-described “goofball” character, Sabina? “Sabina is kind of the wiser, older sister character who looks after the other girls and would do anything to >>>

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22 FEBRUARY 2020

PHOTO JOE SCARNICI/GETTY

COVER STORY | KRISTEN STEWART protect them,” Stewart reveals.

“But she’s also someone who’s kind of disorganised and hopeless in her own life and it was fun to play her because that’s part of who I am, and I’ve never shown that in my films.”

The opportunity to play a character who portrays part of who Stewart is comes at a time when the actor has spoken more and more about feeling “true” to herself, both in her films and the public sphere more generally – a space she hasn’t always felt so comfortable populating, particularly following her role in The Twilight Saga, which unceremoniously catapulted the young actor into the international spotlight. Now, she says, she feels the “desire to be accepted” as she is. “I’m proud of who I am, I’m less insecure, and I’m not afraid to express my ideas, even political ones... I’m not intimidated by [celebrity] anymore, today I feel ready for all of it. [In the past], I thought I have to protect myself.

Now, however, I have this beautiful feeling [of freedom] in stark contrast with how I felt when you are initially exposed to something. The onslaught of that type of attention can really put you in a hole... It’s not like I’m going to start a public Instagram and start yelling at people about what I think, but I feel like I kind of do that anyway, in a different way.”

To what does Stewart credit this freer, evolving outlook on life in the public eye? “I’ve discovered that I am very happy to be older. Two years ago, I was in a difficult place in my life where I felt overwhelmed, to the point of not knowing who I was or with whom I wanted to share my time. I wasn’t sure how I fit in to it all, and in what way I wanted to present myself to the world... Now I feel much more unguarded.”

Another area in which this new outlook seems to have played a significant part? The actor’s love life. Speaking to US radio host Howard Stern at the end of 2019, Stewart – with her now signature flopped, bleached crop of hair and softly-edged grunge look – told him, “There is nothing like feeling sure about anything because we don’t know anything... the only thing you can feel like you know is if you’re in love with someone”. After being asked whether she was “in love right now”, Stewart openly responded, “Yeah, like... I mean the answer is yes.” The >>>

when I watch a period film, I wonder where the gay characters are” person on the other end of the actor’s love and affection? Screenwriter Dylan Meyer, whom Stewart met on a film set some six years ago, but only began dating much more recently.

Asked if she plans to propose anytime soon, Stewart replies, “Absolutely. I can’t fucking wait... I want to be like, sort of, somewhat reasonable about it, but I think like, good things happen fast”.

Though she hasn’t always experienced smooth sailing in terms of being so public about her personal life – the actor revealed to Harper’s Bazaar that film industry superiors had advised her not to hold hands publicly with girlfriends in the past – today Stewart looks as if she has a much tighter hold on where she’s headed and how, rather in contrast to the focus of her latest feature, Jean Seberg, whose life in the public eye took a tragically dark turn.

What was it about Seberg’s story that caught Stewart’s attention? “[Jean] had this hunger behind her eyes that made her jump off the screen. But she was also a really compassionate humanitarian at a time when people didn’t want to stomach that.” And for her audiences? “She was real in front of the camera. There was something naturalistic about her acting, it was like shouting to the world, ‘Look at me, I’m real’. I think that was the source of her popularity in France, in particular.”

Despite falling for Seberg’s (undeniably boyish) charm, Stewart hadn’t really known much of the actor before taking on the role, she admits. “The only film of hers that I really knew was Breathless, and I remember the scene where she’s selling the New York Herald Tribune in Paris and also the last scene, where she’s with [JeanPaul] Belmondo and she asks him, ‘Qu’est-ce que c’est, dégueulasse?’

Those moments really stuck out with me and I thought she was so >>>

WHO WAS JEAN SEBERG?

American actor Jean Seberg (1938-1979) was perhaps best known for starring in the French classic Breathless alongside Jean-Paul Belmondo. After emerging from Europe a New Wave darling, she was subjected to years of harassment at the hands of the US government who, according to The Telegraph,“vowed to ruin her, brutally and publicly” in response to her support of civil rights groups. In 1979, after the release of her final film, Le Bleu Des Origines in Paris, Seberg committed suicide – something her husband, Romain Gary, blamed on the FBI harassment she’d endured.

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cool. It’s not hard to see why she became such an icon in France and is still considered a legendary figure of the Nouvelle Vague. It was only when I started reading the script and researching her that I became fascinated with her life story, although I was shocked by what she went through.

I was very impressed with how she was determined to live her life on her own terms.”

Seberg’s downfall followed her support for civil rights organisations, including the Black Panthers, which she continued to voice support for publicly, despite the fact that she end>>>

24 FEBRUARY 2020

“I was very impreSSed with how [jean] was determined to live her life on her own terms”

ed up effectively “blacklisted” from Hollywood and harassed by the FBI for doing so. Is backlash something Stewart considers herself when expressing her views publicly? “There’s this really sort of polarised climate that we’re living in right now, so it’s not hard for me to wear my politics.

It shows up in the work that I do and the people I associate myself with and the conversations that I have with individual journalists, day in and day out. I like that interaction. I’m so lucky to have it.”

And of the parallels between Seberg’s and her own past struggles

COVER STORY | KRISTEN STEWART

between the private and public self?

“That’s something that’s troubled me and confused me for the longest time. That internal struggle, that continuous exposure... I know what you experience when the way you present yourself in public does not necessarily align with how you feel inside. For much of the time I have been terrible at giving interviews – I was just not very good at presenting myself. But I don’t think I was necessarily creating a false impression.

It was more that I didn’t know or understand who I was as clearly as I would have liked to and that made

it more difficult for me to project a definite image or self. When I was young, many of my friends told me, ‘Come on, relax. Just go out there and give the public and the press what they want.’ But I can’t. And that’s terrifying. I know a lot of people who are so good at interviews and giving the impression of being cool and charming. But they are so predictable.

They say what is expected of them at every moment. Everyone loves them.

And it’s ironic, because often what they appear to be and what they say is not true.”

As well as being “so fucking in

love” with fiancée-to-be, Meyer, for Stewart, one of the biggest helps she’s had in terms of her personal and creative growth over the years has come via her “strong relationship” with her mother. “[My mother is] a woman who loves cinema, who has always given me lots of books to read and advice. I grew up in the movie business and I spent a lot of my childhood on film sets. I always liked the energy of the set and one day, to my great astonishment, I discovered that acting was what I really wanted to do.

I love acting.”

Perhaps unsurprisingly, alongside an unexpected love of acting, Stewart has recently discovered directing, working on short film Come Swim, which was first shown at the Sundance film festival in 2017, and she’s also planning on directing an upcoming feature film, The Chronology Of Water, based on the autobiography by bisexual American swimmer-turned-writer, Lidia Yuknavitch.

Was the queer aspect of that project a draw? “As time goes by I realise that there are many outstanding stories to be told. I’m always looking for stories, and often when I watch a period film I wonder where the gay characters are, because gay people have always existed. But those stories were being very narrowly told and it’s only been lately that we’ve started to tell those stories. During my own journey of self-discovery, I’ve been able to play gender-fluid characters and I’m happy to be able to defend and tell those stories as a director.

I don’t see a big difference between being an actor and a director, the two activities overlap.”

Stewart captured this sentiment quite perfectly in a recent interview with The Telegraph: “Being able to be closer to people through strange little stories is the sun my Earth revolves around,” she said. “It’s my favourite thing, literally – excavating and meditating on a subject with just a few people that care, and everyone else doesn’t. And it’s just us together. It’s the best feeling.”

As we lean a little further into this new decade, it looks as if the best of Kristen Stewart – and the stories she’ll go on to tell – is still to come. Lucky us, eh?

Seberg is in UK cinemas now 25

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Happily ever after?

It’s New Year’s Eve, and everyone is boisterous and merry, except for one rather glum-looking friend whose eye I catch across the makeshift dancefloor. She and her girlfriend of four years aren’t in a very good place, she slurs over the music, and she’s not sure how to fix it. She’s not sure if there’s anything left to be fixed. I put an arm around her shoulder and try to cheer her up as best I can, telling her it’ll all look better in the morning.

Later, as the sun comes up on a frosty new year and the last remaining revellers pull on their hats and scarves and head out into the world, she gives me a hug goodbye before gesturing to my wife and asking, “How do you do it? What’s your secret?”

I’ve had this question a lot over the course of my 14-year relationship with Sarah and I’ve asked it myself on occasion, too. We’re by no means a perfect couple – no such thing exists, if you ask me. So why is it we’re still together when so many of the couples around us have gone their separate ways? I haven’t been to a single lesbian wedding (apart from my own) where the couple are still together, and people are often shocked to find out how many years we’ve clocked up. Even more shocked that we’re – gasp! – happy. Rewatching old episodes of The L Word recently, I realised with horror that Sarah and I had somehow become the Bette and Tina of our friendship group. That one couple everyone puts on a pedestal, proof of the existence of true love or something. In fact, on more than one occasion, friends have told us that if we were to break up, that would be their faith in love destroyed forever.

Yikes, guys. Talk about pressure.

Being held up as role models for long-term love is a weird one, especially when – for a time – I worried I wasn’t capable of making a lasting commitment. My first two relationships ended because I fell in love with someone else, leaving me feeling like

28 FEBRUARY 2020

CARRIE LYELL REVEALS THE SECRET TO LONGTERM LOVE

there was something wrong with me.

Why couldn’t I have the happily-ever-after kind of love you see in films?

While I’m still not convinced that kind of love exists outside of Ryan Gosling films, falling for Sarah way back when changed something in me.

It made me want to try for forever.

Sarah and I had somehow become the Bette and Tina of our friendship group” What I’ve learned, 14 years of trying later, is that there is no alchemy to it, no code to be cracked or a formula for lasting love. The secret, if there is one, is simply hard graft. I wish I had a more sexy answer for you, but the reality is not sexy. Being together as long as we have means picking wet towels off the bed without complaint and trying your hardest not to get annoyed at the way she squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube or the fact she never dusts the top shelf. It’s falling out in Ikea because she doesn’t like the rug you’ve picked out, and laughing about it later with friends. It’s fighting over whose family to spend Christmas with because, the truth is, you just want to lock the world out, turn off your phones, and spend it with each other.

It’s arguing about going to sleep on an argument, and waking up in each other’s arms, each one of you more sorry than the other.

The clever answer, I think, is that our love lasts because we balance romance with pragmatism and acknowledge that staying in love takes work.

But on a much more simple level, we’re still together because we really, really like each other. She infuriates me, sure, as I do her, but she makes my heart sing like no one else in the world.

She’s intelligent, beautiful, incredibly

funny, and does the best Cher impression you’ll ever hear. There hasn’t been one single second in the past 14 years that I’ve even entertained the thought of not being together. I can’t imagine my life without Sarah and, crucially, I don’t want to.

Sure, we’ve had rough patches.

Life has thrown its fair share of challenges our way: redundancy, relocation, mental illness, cancer, death and more. But somehow we’ve weathered those storms without taking on too much water. Still, there are times I get scared. Could the next rough patch be the last? It’s no wonder, really, with so few couples to look up to. Global divorce rates are at an all-time high, with recent research by Newcastle-based law firm Beecham Peacock reporting 348 divorces of same-sex female couples between 2015 and 2017, almost three times as many as same-sex male couples in the same time period. What makes us different? What’s to stop us from becoming yet another statistic? Thinking this way sends me into a spiral of despair where forever seems impossible.

I’m pulled out of that spiral by stories of DIVA readers – see the following pages – who warm my cynical old heart and prove happily ever after might be possible after all.

Readers like Marie Ann and Stacy from Toronto, who told us: “When you find your person, hold tight. There are bumps in the road you won’t see coming, but the love you have for each other will be your cushion.” So even when it seems impossible, it doesn’t stop me trying. In the words of singer-songwriter David Ford: “I don’t lightly use words like forever, but I’ll love you until the end of the day. And in the morning, when I remember everything that you are, well I know I’ll fall for you all over again.”

What are your top tips for making it work in the long term? Share them with us @DIVAmagazine using the hashtag #longtermlove

FEATURES | LONG-TERM LOVE REBECCA, 34 AND KATE, 36 Cheadle, UK

“My wife and I have been together for nearly 11 years, married for nearly four.

We have a two-year-old daughter and a six-year-old spaniel. We’ve had many ups and downs, but I couldn’t imagine doing it all without her. We took our time getting to know each other before we got together – we would email, text or MSN message each other daily, though it took us six years to get engaged! Having fun, making time for dates (difficult with a two-year-old), being honest and trusting each other is what makes it work. Because we know each other so well, we also know what makes each other happy.

We are completely different in our hobbies and tastes, but that works.”

ASHA, 52, AND TAZ, 45 Lincolnshire, UK

“In 2020, Taz and I celebrate 22 years together. What’s helped our relationship thrive? Love. Simple as that.

Beautiful, brilliant, joyous love.

But not the perfect, chocolate box, red roses kind of love (although there’s been plenty of that, too). Real love.

Tough Love. Love that, when challenged, mocked, tested or rejected by others, has stood tall and strong. Like a great oak, grounded in trust, respect, patience and understanding. It’s not always been easy. But boy has it been worth it. Our advice? Laugh together, even if things are tough, especially if things are tough. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Live in the moment and with gratitude for what you have together, and never, ever take your love for granted. If you have an argument, don’t let it fester.

Keep the communication channels between you open. Say sorry and mean it, not half-heartedly. Find the beauty in silence. Love the simple things like holding hands, walking along a beach together, kissing. Don’t cast those three little words around like confetti, unless you truly mean them.

Know when to give each other space and when to hold each other close. Strive to turn even the most mundane of tasks into a good memory. We are also eternally grateful to DIVA for bringing us both together. Without you we probably would never have met, never had the courage to leave our failing heterosexual marriages and come out. Imagine that? We can’t. Thank you DIVA for playing Cupid all those years ago. Here’s to another 20 years and then some.”

KRISTIN AND TARA North Carolina, US

“We met online and got married two years later, in September 2016. We believe in accepting each other’s mistakes but not lowering our expectations. Communication is so important. One must feel free to speak with their partner about their mistakes without feeling they will be judged.

Common values keep our relationship moving forward.

We’re always on Team Us. No couple is without obstacles. Tara and I are both business owners and we both deal with chronic pain issues. It would be easy to get lost in ourselves, but we stay dedicated to each other because our family is and always will be number one. We help each other rise every day to conquer our pain so we can be the moms our daughter deserves.

Our team has never been stronger.”

Staying the course DIVA READERS ACROSS THE WORLD SHARE THEIR SECRETS AS TOLD TO DANIELLE MUSTARDE

NIC, 26, AND STEPH, 25 Bournemouth, UK

“Myself and my fiancée, Steph, met on Plenty Of Fish in 2013. I truly believe she is my soulmate and best friend. Not only do we genuinely enjoy each other’s company, we are so alike and have so much in common and I think that really helps. If there’s something we don’t agree on, we’re great at compromising and keeping things fair. Of course, communication and trust is hugely important. We don’t let anything fester and try not to sweat the small stuff. I’d be lying if I said it’s been smooth sailing the whole time, but we’ve realised just how strong we are together by tackling tricky situations together. We will support each other through thick and thin and, in a long-term relationship, to know you can count on your significant other is so important. We are a typical lesbian couple who practically live in each other’s pockets, we’re also a team. We do sometimes have time apart though, playing sports, seeing friends…

Our relationship is a little piece of magic, even this far in. She still makes my heart skip a beat. She makes me want to be the best possible version of myself and make the most of every moment we have together. On top of that, we find laughter and silliness keep us going. We continue to learn from each other and never get bored of each other’s company. In our opinion, the key to a long-lasting relationship is being best friends.”

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CATHERINE, 69, AND RUTH, 72 Idaho, US

“I doubt anyone can really say for certain what ‘magic formula’ keeps a couple together, but after 45 years, we have a few observations of what’s worked for us. We live in Boise, Idaho, which is a very nice, mid-size, fairly liberal city in a deeply red, rural state. I’ve lived here all my life. Ruth was raised in Nebraska. We met when Ruth moved to Idaho in 1974. We both remember the precise moment we locked eyes. Neither of us had ever had a relationship with another woman, we hadn’t ‘come out’, even to ourselves. We bonded immediately and it didn’t take too long to awkwardly stumble on to what was ‘different’ about us – youthful libido is a mighty force. We moved in together, built a house together and even worked together. We lived completely closeted lives for the first six years together before we met our first lesbian couple. Long story short, our relationship blew up when I started an affair with one of those women. Ruth moved out while waiting for the affair to implode and, with some great counselling, we got back together and started our lifelong journeys of self-discovery. At the root of any long-term relationship is probably shared core values… simplistic, but what else is there, really? Infatuation, lust, and hot sex are wonderful and we had that for a long time, but those fade away with familiarity, time and ageing. We were so fortunate to realise we had a shared vision, something bigger to work towards. Neither of us wanted kids but we shared a passion for designing houses, a love of outdoor adventures, close relationships with our families and a few incredibly deep friendships. Those are the things that see one through the ups and downs, no matter your sexual orientation. We’ve had plenty of upheavals but we’re both really stubborn and somehow we’ve stuck it out in order to realise our individual desires for stable, productive lives – rather than breakups, chaos and always searching outside yourself for solutions. When, in 2014, same-sex marriage was finally recognised by the federal government, we somewhat casually decided to get married. We went to Hawaii, just the two of us, arranged for an officiant and had a simple 13-minute ceremony.

Hardly romantics, we thought we were marrying for financial, legal, and tax purposes, but it turned out to be so emotional and meaningful we were both overwhelmed. We’ve been on a five-year high ever since. I’m not a proponent of sticking together no matter what – there are many situations I wouldn’t tolerate – but if, at the core, you’re both kind, decent people who loved each other at one point, there is much to be gained in sticking it out. A favourite line from a song I can’t remember is, ‘Agree to disagree but disagree to part’. We’ve made that our motto.”

CHARLEY, 41, AND SAM, 42 Andover, UK

JUDITH, 48, AND NICKY, 50 Southampton, UK

“I’ve been with my wife, Sam, for nearly 21 years and we’ve been married for 12. We have a little boy who’s four and has just started school. I think the key to our relationship, and I stress ‘ours’ because everyone is different, is that we can talk to each other about anything – and I do mean anything. We give each other space when we need to. We’re equals. We set ourselves projects to work towards together – like planning a wedding, how we’re going to decorate the house or pull together on a school project. She makes me laugh every day.

She’s my best friend and I’m so lucky to have her in my life.”

“We’ve been together for almost 29 years. We got together on 9 February 1991, had our civil partnership ceremony on 7 July 2007 and ‘upgraded’ to a marriage on 9 February 2016. In 2014, we adopted two gorgeous boys who are now seven and nine. When we first got together, our friends thought it would never last, as we were so different, but we attribute those differences as one of the secrets of our long-lasting relationship. We complement each other – what I can’t do Nicky can and vice versa. We love to laugh together, know when to admit that we’re wrong and make time to hug and kiss every day. Over the years, we’re discovering we have more and more in common and less that makes us different. We joke that we’re actually just one person split into two.”

JO AND GINA, both 38 Porto, Portugal

“My wife, Gina, and I got together young; we were each other’s first girlfriends. This way, we managed to bypass a lot of drama, heartbreak and disappointments. I guess we just got lucky. Now, 17 years later, we’re still going strong. We keep things fresh by globetrotting – travelling and living in different countries is important for both of us. Our relationship is the one constant in the different environments we find ourselves in. It sounds like a bunch of cliches, but mutual respect, trust and compromise are important.

Both partners need to be equally considerate and never take each other for granted.

Appreciate what you have!”

30 FEBRUARY 2020

FEATURES | LONG-TERM LOVE ALICE, LATE 30s, AND AMANITA, LATE 40s Atlantic Canada

LORALEE, 52, AND MIRNA, 48 California, US

“My wife, Mirna, and I have been together for almost 21 years, married for six. We have two children, both grown adults now – 25 and 29. The reason for our longevity is that we are still in love and we make our relationship the priority over everything else. We respect each other for who we are and let the other be who they are. We celebrate our relationship each and every month on the 3rd! If I had to sum it up, I would say I am truly grateful for her and for our relationship, which is filled with love, trust and respect. If you have those? The other stuff just happens. It doesn’t hurt to see her beautiful face every day either!”

HOPE AND MADISON, BOTH 24 Texas, US

“Madi and I have been together for seven years and married for two. Our relationship has lasted because we’re both committed to change. Individually, I’m working on growing into the best version of myself possible and Madi is doing the same. As a result, our relationship has changed significantly in the years since we started dating as teenagers.

I don’t want to cling to some past version of my wife or of our relationship, because I’m far more excited about who we are now and who we’re going to be!”

“While we’ve only been together for a few years, we feel we’ve loved each other for a thousand. The main reason for this is the feeling of ‘being home’. The feeling of having finally arrived in true gender, true orientation, true love and that our souls have been meant to find each other.

This is the basis. In addition, we grant each other our Relationship Bill Of Rights, a set of rules we read about in a magazine once. Our favourite at the moment is the Right To Gratitude. Every day, we’re incredibly thankful for each other’s company, love and support.

The Right To The Benefit Of The Doubt helps us solve many challenges quickly. Outside of our Bill Of Rights, we’re also radically vulnerable with each other, sharing hurts from past and present. We remind each other to be in the now, give compassion and help each other to heal.”

SARAH, 49, AND MEL, 43 Salisbury, UK

“The greatest thing we have is that we laugh every day – usually at each other! We’re lucky that our sense of humour is the same (a little warped, but harmless). We aren’t a couple who do everything together, however. We have our own interests and often go on nights out with our own friends. This is because we trust each other completely; a major thing in any relationship. Both of us were in quite suppressive relationships previously, but for the first time, we are both able to be ourselves and so there’s no pressure to look or behave a certain way. It may sound corny, but its almost like we’ve been freed to find each other. Don’t get me wrong, we have our little tantrums – a slammed door and a sulk here and there – but it blows over quickly. Then, of course, there are our five dogs! And so our home is full of love.”

JUDY AND KERSTIN Massachusetts, US

“My wife and I have been a loving couple for 23 years and married in 2004 when it became legal in Massachusetts. We had an unusual experience two weeks into our relationship which we feel sealed our connection forever: We went on a hiking weekend in the White Mountains. What she didn’t know yet, was that I have a poor sense of direction… we ended up losing the light of day and were stranded in the mountains overnight.

Needless to say, we survived, and learned so much about each other. And she learned never to trust my sense of direction! The key to our success since then? Our ability to talk and get to the heart of things. Taking long walks with our dogs. Knowing we’re each doing the best we can. We’ve been through parents living with us, illnesses, deaths, job changes and losses. We give each other the freedom to explore who we are as individuals: at times we grow together, at times apart, but we intertwine in the middle.”

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n a i b s e l e C stories L ove

THE POWER COUPLES WE LOVE TO LOVE

If you’re not familiar with the term celesbian, we’re talking about celebrity lesbians. There’s certainly no lack of inspiring relationships within the LGBTQI community, but sometimes finding that representation in the media can be hard. It isn’t all doom and gloom though! So, ahead of Valentine’s Day, we want to highlight the lez/bi couples who love each other beautifully and openly. The couples who give us some serious relationship envy, and the couples who are too cute for their own good. Some met on film or TV sets, some slid into their partner’s DMs, some were simply brought together by fate itself. All that’s certain is these lez/bi pairings are our absolute relationship goals.

Samira Wiley & Lauren Morelli

These two met on the set of Orange Is The New Black, making their story extra queer. In 2017, a little over four years after they laid eyes on each other, they got married in a beautiful, intimate ceremony, claiming their title as lesbian royalty. They then went on what looked like the perfect honeymoon to Italy and Disneyland.

They needed to go on a journey of self-exploration together to get to the point where they could start dating. Morelli was married to a man when she met Wiley and only realised she was a lesbian in 2012, during one of her first days on the set of Orange Is The New Black. It wasn’t too long until they fell in love and who could blame them?

Almost three years into their marriage and we can’t imagine either of them with anybody else – they were clearly made for each other.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS Speaking to BUST magazine, Samira said: “I was really attracted to Lauren’s mind first before I met Lauren the person. I got her script and I was like, ‘This person’s really talented, I can’t wait to meet this person’.”

Who are your favourite celesbian couples?

Let us know at @DIVAmagazine!

2019 was the year of Ashley and Cara. From being pictured carrying a sex bench into their house, to a stream of cute Instagram posts, they have solidified themselves as serious couple goals very quickly.

They have tattoos dedicated to one another, have been on hot air balloon rides together, and call each other nicknames such as “squish”, “sprinkles” and “choonchi”. Honestly, have you ever heard of anything sweeter than that?

Cara gushed over Ashley to mark her 30th birthday by posting a series of cute snaps along with a heartwarming caption: “Happy birthday @ashleybenson There is so much I could say but something I love and cherish most about us is that I don’t need to because YOU KNOW and that’s all that matters. It’s you and me which is my favourite.

My safe place. You let me be silly, you let me be wild, you keep me free, secure and curious. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life and I am so proud of watching you grow into the woman that you have always dreamt of being. I love you beyond words my sprinkles, choonchi, angel face, grumpy ass, sweet cheeks, never boring, buttmunch, Benson.”

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DID YOU KNOW? Ashley and Cara’s nowfamous sex bench is worth more than £500.

Google The Master Series Obedience Extreme Sex Bench if you want to check it out for yourself...

WORDS SOPHIE GRIFFITHS

Ashley Benson & Cara Delevingne

FEATURES | CELESBIAN LOVE STORIES

Sarah Paulson & Holland Taylor This pair might be older, but their love story is as modern as they come, with Holland sliding into Sarah’s DMs like a pro. While the two had met a decade before they started dating, they were each in separate relationships at the time and it wasn’t until an encounter at an event that their love blossomed and they followed each other on Twitter.

The rest is herstory!

Wanda Sykes & Alex Sykes When Wanda Sykes met a French woman named Alex Niedbalski in 2006, she had not yet come out publicly. By 2008, the pair were walking down the aisle together and welcomed twins Olivia Lou and Lucas Claude a year later. Both Alex and the kids are now the butt of Wanda’s jokes and we’re here for it.

In a 2018 interview, Wanda revealed that her parents, Marion and Harry Sykes, took a while to accept her sexuality. Her mother even asked her to stay closeted and didn’t come to her wedding. She did, however, have the support of her extended family. And, after a little gentle prodding by her father’s sister, Marion and Harry eventually came around and accepted Wanda’s wife and kids.

Though Alex prefers to stay out of the spotlight, she and Wanda are certified celesbians in our eyes.

CANDID CAMERA It’s rare for the couple to talk about their relationship in public, but Wanda gets candid about her wife in her Netflix special, Not Normal.

BUCKING CONVENTION In an interview with The New York Times, Sarah said: “My choices in romantic partners have not been conventional, and therefore the idea that it is ‘other’ makes it compelling. If my life choices had to be predicted based on what was expected from me from a community on either side, that’s going to make me feel really straightjacketed, and I don’t want to feel that. What I can say absolutely is that I am in love, and that person happens to be Holland Taylor.”

Kristen Stewart & Dylan Meyer A more recent relationship, but certainly one of the most adorable, Kristen and Dylan first sparked dating rumours in August 2019, when they were snapped smooching up a storm on the streets of New York. They met on a film set six years ago, then lost touch, but since reuniting, Kristen has already revealed that she wants to marry Dylan. Our chances have been well and truly scuppered, but we’re still happy for these queer cuties.

IN THEIR OWN WORDS K-Stew recently revealed in an interview with Howard Stern: “The first time I told her I loved her, it was really late, we were in some shitty bar... I was just like, ‘Oh, man, I’m so fucking in love with you’... It wasn’t, like, a thing, it was also so obvious.

It just is.”

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Ellen DeGeneres & Portia de Rossi Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are the protagonists in one of Hollywood’s longestlasting love stories – one that spans two whole decades! If this pair ever split, we will all be taking a day off work to mourn.

Although Portia knew she was in love with Ellen when she first laid eyes on her at a party in 2000, it took four more years before she told her how she felt because she wasn’t out. This year will be their 12th wedding anniversary and we’re not sure anyone will claim their title for the most perfect couple ever any time soon.

Stephanie Allynne & TTig Notaro Can you imagine falling in love on camera? Well, that’s exactly what happened for this pair of celesbians. Notaro’s documentary, Tig, follows the aftermath of her cancer diagnosis and the death of her mother — but it also documents the entirety of her relationship with Allynne, from their early days of friendship, to the couple’s struggles with finding a surrogate to start a family.

The pair married in 2015 and in 2016 they were thrilled to welcome their twin sons into the world. They’re those cool parents you kind of wish were your own.

OPENING MINDS Stephanie, who you might recognise from The L Word: Generation Q, told Cosmopolitan: “I had not dated women before, and I think when we first started spending time with each other, I was so into Tig and I was falling in love with her and I didn’t know how to identify it, because I thought I was straight... It kind of blew my mind in terms of sexual orientation, where you’re like, ‘I’m this way, and it’s black and white’. I look back and go, ‘God, I closed the door that I had no idea what was behind it’.”

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LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING “Portia understands me completely,” DeGeneres told Good Housekeeping in 2017. “In our vows, she recited a quote — ‘It is good to be loved. It is profound to be understood’ — and to me, that’s everything. What ‘I love you’ really means is ‘I understand you’, and she loves me for everything that I am. She supports me and makes me happy.”

Lena Waithe & Alana Mayo Producer, screenwriter and actor Lena Waithe and Alana Mayo got engaged on Thanksgiving in 2017, during a trip to Tokyo, after they had been dating for a few years.

They went on to get married in an intimate and secret wedding ceremony in San Francisco’s City Hall, in front of the statue of LGBTQI rights activist Harvey Milk, which Lena only revealed on The Ellen DeGeneres Show months down the line. Nobody had any idea up until then!

“She definitely helps to keep me grounded,” Lena told The Dave Chang Show at the time. “When I get home from winning an Emmy, she’s like, ‘Don’t forget to take out the recycling’. It’s those things that I think are really helpful. She’s so laid back about it all.”

HUMBLE PIE Speaking about the wedding, Waithe said: “It was a humbling day, you know, to marry someone so amazing.”

FEATURES | CELESBIAN LOVE STORIES

Jenny Shimizu & Michelle Harper

LOVE WINS “I didn’t believe it myself until I saw it,” Jenny told The New York Times of meeting Michelle. “It’s like so many things about her.

There are these misconceptions and generalisations that don’t fit this person who is full of spirit and down-to-earthiness.”

Gigi Gorgeous & Nats Get ty YouTube beauty guru Gigi Gorgeous married longtime love Nats Getty in a spectacular queer fairytale wedding which had us all a little bit emotional in 2019. Gigi first began dating Nats after they met in 2016 and from watching Gigi document their time together, we have seen them fall madly in love.

Gigi wore a custom Michael Costello gown (and had a further two outfit changes designed by Costello, naturally), while Nats wore a suit designed by her own lifestyle brand, Strike Oil. The entire affair was coordinated by party planner to the stars Mindy Weiss, who also officiated. Some of the famous celeb guests included Hannah Hart, Grace Helbig and Bonnie McKee.

Jenny Shimizu, a Japanese-American model, and Michelle Harper, a brand consultant, met at a party in 2012.

It was marriage equality that made the big day happen for the pair in August 2014 in Soho, New York City. “I truly believe marriage equality gave me a new sense of freedom, confidence and love — and opened me up to finding my wife, Michelle,” Jenny says.

“We are forever grateful to New York City and this beautiful, unequivocally wondrous, crazy train that we call love.”

Wedding woes Unfortunately, not every aspect of their fairytale wedding went to plan. Nats had torn a muscle in her leg a month before the wedding and needed a cane to walk on the day, Gigi’s vows were interrupted by an unexpected train nearby and the reception was crashed by none other than Lady Gaga’s ex, Christian Carino.

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The finalists of the fifth Miss Universe pageant, back in 1930

AS MISS UNIVERSE CELEBRATES ITS FIRST OPENLY LESBIAN FINALIST, ROXY BOURDILLON INVESTIGATES WHAT IT’S REALLY LIKE BEING A QUEER BEAUTY QUEEN A blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty queen is waiting to hear if she’s won. She stands onstage wearing a diamante-encrusted evening dress, immaculately applied make-up, and no shoes. A few moments earlier, Emma-Jay was struck with an extreme attack of visceral nerves. Her legs became the proverbial jelly, her knees quite literally knocking together. She could barely keep herself upright and had no choice but to kick off her skyhigh heels before heading back out. So now here she is, in front of a packed crowd, barefoot in her ballgown. She’s made it down to the final two. The air is thick with hairspray and anticipation. She squeezes the other finalist’s hand, and whispers warmly, “You’ve got this”. After all, she’s already accepted that there’s absolutely no way she’s going to win. Her rival is six foot tall, slim, a goddess in emerald green.

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She looks every inch the beauty queen. And here Emma-Jay is, half her height, plus size, a mum of two, in her 30s, a lesbian with no shoes.

“The winner of Ms Paragon International 2019 is...

Emma-Jay Webber!” Eh? That can’t be right. They must be announcing the runnerup first. She’s definitely misheard. The host repeats into the microphone, “The winner is Emma-Jay!” Oh my god. She’s only gone and bloody done it. In that instant, all her Miss Congeniality-inspired fantasies The first openly have come true. lesbian finalist of Miss Diversity in pageantry Universe, Swe Zin Htet is a hot topic and, as the UK’s first out gay queen, Emma-Jay’s win shows how much the industry

seems to have changed. As of December 2019, for the first time in history, five of the most prestigious titles – Miss World, Miss Universe, Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Miss America – are all held by women of colour. The latest Miss Universe saw its first openly lesbian finalist, Swe Zin Htet.

And, in 2018, Netflix film Dumplin’ told the story of plus size Texan Willowdean Dickson, who enters the Miss Teen Bluebonnet Pageant as a protest against her formerbeauty-queen mother, played by Jennifer Aniston.

Willowdean finds herself on a voyage of self-discovery, complete with drag queen fairy godmothers

PHOTOS CREATIVE COMMONS, INSTAGRAM, JASON WADE, DIGITALGLOW, KEVIN ENGLISH PHOTOGRAPHY, JHE PHOTOGRAPHY

Hey, kween

FEATURES | BEAUTY QUEENS and dynamite life advice from Dolly Parton: “Figure out who you are, and do it on purpose.”

The old-fashioned beauty contest has been reborn for a new era. Many competitions are making an effort to at least appear more modern. In 2018, law student Sara Iftekhar became the first British pageant finalist to compete wearing a hijab, Miss England has introduced a make-up free round, and last year a record-breaking 20,000 women entered the competition. Having blubbed like a baby with body-image issues at Dumplin’, I’m keen to learn more about this intriguing, apparently evolving, world. A world traditionally steeped in sexism, regularly accused of objectifying and demeaning women, and promoting unattainable standards of beauty. In romcom classic Miss Congeniality, Sandra Bullock’s character, Gracie, expresses her damning view of pageants: “It’s like feminism never even happened.

Any woman that does this is catering to misogynistic Neanderthal mentality.” In Dumplin’, Willowdean’s friend, Hannah – who, at least in my head, is queer and totally in love with Millie – describes pageants as institutions of “the oppressive heteropatriarchy, unconsciously internalised by the female psyche”. Both women make compelling points. But is it possible for pageants to be diverse, feminist and queer-inclusive? Or are these queens kidding themselves?

In an effort to find out, I join Emma-Jay at the finals of Miss TransBeauty 2019, held in a conference centre in Kensington. This time she’s on the judging panel, and keeping her stilettos firmly on. Before we take our seats, I can’t resist trying on her crown. It’s just too fabulous to miss out on – gold, glimmering, majestic.

As I balance it precariously on top of my head and strike a pose for a royal selfie, I find it’s surprisingly tricky to keep on. I’m terrified it will topple. As I will come to learn, it’s not easy being a beauty queen. One wrong move and your queendom could come tumbling down. But more on that later.

Tonight Emma-Jay is resplendent in a red gown and intricate up-do. An ex-semi-professional footballer, she discovered pageantry while searching

Is it possible for beauty pageants to be diverse, feminist and queer-inclusive?”

The winning queens at Miss TransBeauty 2019

for body-positive blogs online. Having previously been crowned Mrs England Curve and Ms Paragon International, she is the current reigning Miss World Class England, and editor-in-chief of World Class Queens Of England magazine. Radiating passion, positivity and joie de vivre, she’s thrilled about all the women of colour winning top-tier pageants.

“We just need to get the LGBT community on there now! I get more and more tempted to step forward in one of these major pageants, as a plus sized girl and gay, just to ruffle some feathers!”

She’s keen to convey that pageants aren’t what people might assume.

“It’s not glorifying women in bikinis.

It really is trying to bring positive change in the world.

They’re becoming so diverse. It’s brilliant.”

Nevertheless, she initially kept her own sexuality under wraps. “The first gala I went to, people asked, ‘Where’s your husband tonight?’

There were so many awkward situations.” As femmes know all too well, girly gay women are often assumed to be straight, but in the heteronormative world of pageants, this occurrence is even more commonplace. It’s femme invisibility magnified tenfold.

Lesbian-specific competitions like Miss Gay UK are now defunct, so I wonder how queer queens fare competing alongside their straight sisters? For Emma-Jay, who is now out and proud, it’s mostly a non-issue, although at one event she did notice a few funny looks when she held her partner’s hand, which made them both feel “at times, uncomfortable”.

Overall though, she’s encountered

more negativity for her size than her sexuality, particularly on social media.

“I’ve been told that I shouldn’t be a beauty queen, because I don’t look like one, that I’m a drain on the NHS, I’m promoting obesity. I simply delete and ignore.” She finds it “astonishing” that there aren’t more out gay women in the UK pageant scene. “But me being me, I like to break the mould.”

Of the lesbian and bi contestants she does know, several remain closeted, “often because they don’t want to ruin their career”. Emma-Jay blames a “severe lack of visibility” and the industry’s heteronormative history. “It is moving with the times and becoming more modern, but the terms and conditions of some of the pageant systems are so old school.” Let’s take Miss World as an example. To enter, you must be under 26, unmarried and childless. Many pageants stipulate that you can’t compete if you’ve done topless modelling, and if you fall pregnant within six months of winning, your title can be taken away.

Despite their current resurgence in popularity, pageants remain controversial. Just last year, the Miss India competition was criticised for colourism, because all the finalists had such pale skin. In 2017, Zoiey Smale handed back her Miss UK title when organisers instructed her to “lose as much weight as possible” before taking part in the Miss United Continents final. She was a size 10. And in 2016, in a very public slut-shaming, Love Island contestant Zara Holland had her Miss GB title removed after she slept with a fellow housemate. The underlying message of some pageants still seems to be: “Be virginal, but like, sexy virginal. And have you thought about going on a diet?” If you make one wrong move, the patriarchal powers that be will snatch away your title and tiara quicker than you can say, “world peace”. I realise that winners sign contracts, but this whole “stripping of the crown” tradition seems like something out of Game Of Thrones: medieval, controlling, disempowering to women.

Talking of history, the roots of beauty pageants are fascinating and surprisingly feminist. American pageants are thought to have evolved from suffragist parades in the 1910s, when campaigners dressed up as icons like Joan of Arc and Florence >>> Nightingale. The sashes beauty

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Emma-Jay Webber, Miss World Class England 2020. (Right) Teen Miss Regency International 2019, Lucy Helen Rayner

queens don to this day are related to the “Votes for women” sashes of yesteryear. That hasn’t stopped legions of feminists objecting vehemently to beauty pageants though.

This March sees the release of Misbehaviour, starring Keira Knightley, telling the true story of the dramatic women’s lib protest against the 1970 Miss World final.

In response to allegations of sexism, contestants often argue that pageants empower women, giving them a personal platform and exposure. But is individual female empowerment coming at the expense of the wider feminist movement?

And what of the rights and representation of LGBTQI people? When it comes to gender identity, many contests still insist that entrants must be assigned female at birth. Miss Universe has been accepting applications from trans women since 2012, and in 2018 Angela Ponce became the first to reach the final, after being crowned Miss Universe Spain.

She tells The Associated Press, “If my >>>

38 FEBRUARY 2020

Angela Ponce, the first trans woman to compete in Miss Universe

going through all this contributes to the world moving a little step forward, then that’s a personal crown that will always accompany me.”

Tonight’s jubilant Miss TransBeauty contest is designed specifically to celebrate the community. The audience cheers as seven stunners slink onstage in identical scarlet swimsuits. In the talent round, they demonstrate their party tricks, from belting out power ballads to finger-painting a giant portrait in one minute flat. Then it’s time for eveningwear. They sashay in embellished gowns to an instrumental of This Is Me from The Greatest Showman. I ask Emma-Jay what she’s looking for as a judge. “Somebody who is confident, and being themselves. Don’t try to be what you think a pageant queen should be. Let your own uniqueness shine through.”

The stakes are high. When a queen wins a pageant she gets much more than just a crown, a pot of prize

money and a boost to her self-esteem.

She is granted a platform to promote causes close to her heart. For EmmaJay, that means campaigning for body positivity and representing LGBTQI beauty queens through personal appearances, modelling and outreach work. “One of the girls I’ve met, her platform is around domestic violence because of her own experiences. It’s a sisterhood, an army of people trying to make a difference in the world.”

Another queer queen making the most of her crown is Lucy Helen Rayner, aka Teen Miss Regency International 2019. After coming out at 11, Lucy was targeted by her classmates. One even pulled a knife on her. “These experiences have stuck with me. I find them to be a powerful motivator.” Now Lucy mentors young LGBTQI people and is an ambassador for MindOut. When she started competing internationally, she had to consider whether to tone down her vocal support for LGBTQI rights. “But I decided I’d rather lose than betray my message.”

Not all queer contestants choose to be so open about their sexuality on the circuit. One privately confides, “I

FEATURES | BEAUTY QUEENS was bullied when I came out and no girls would get changed around me, as they thought I’d be looking at them inappropriately. I suppose I’m scared of this situation happening again. I don’t want to lose friendships.”

Somebody who did decide to take the plunge is Swe Zin Htet. After being crowned Miss Universe Myanmar 2019, Swe announced that she was a lesbian just days before the Miss Universe final. She may not have made the top 20, but she did make history as the contest’s first openly gay finalist. Her story is even more groundbreaking as homosexuality is illegal in her home country, also known as Burma, carrying a prison sentence between 10 years and life. She tells People magazine, “I have that platform that, if I say that I’m a lesbian, it will have a big impact on the LGBTQ community back in Burma.” Fans have nicknamed her “Superman”.

Swe doesn’t end up getting much air time in the finals, so I turn to YouTube to see her doing her thing in Miss Myanmar. “Go Swe!” I think.

Then the video cuts to the infamous Miss Universe bathing suit round. She struts across the stage in a hot pink bikini and stilettos. Her age, height, weight, hip, waist and bust measurements appear on the screen. It’s a jolting reminder that, while pageants might be becoming incrementally more diverse, sexism still sometimes manages to sneak its way in. And it’s wonderful that Swe made it to the final, but let’s not forget, she won her title before she went public about her sexuality.

The same is true for Patricia Yurena Rodríguez. She came out as a lesbian at the end of her reign as Miss Universe Spain 2013, posting a selfie with her DJ girlfriend and Patricia Yurena Rodríguez, the caption “Romeo Miss Universe Spain 2013 and Juliet”. In an interview with La Nación, Patricia confesses she was “surprised” at the media interest in her sexuality, but understood that it was the first time a queen at her level had come out. She adds promisingly, “There will be many others”. It’s worth noting that those gay women

If going through all this contributes to the world moving a little step forward, that’s a personal crown that will always accompany me” who do compete all conform to a very specific idea of female beauty. There are no androgynous or masculine-ofcentre queens. Trans contestants are few and far between and those there are have “passing privilege”.

Watching the 2019 Miss Universe final, I see all the glitzy hallmarks you’d expect – dozens of women with the prerequisite glossy lips, shimmering gowns and gym-honed physiques.

They look like real-life Barbies. While they’ve participated in interview rounds and various challenges beforehand, their main function on the night is ornamental. They stand, they smile, they sparkle. Admittedly, there are signs of progress, too. In the question and answer round, finalists are quizzed on topics including political protests, climate change and reproductive healthcare. While many respond in bland, diplomatic cliches, Miss South Africa, Zozibini Tunzi, is genuinely inspiring. Her short, natural hair stands out in a sea of cascading bouffants.

After being crowned Miss Universe, Zozibini addresses the audience: “I grew up in a world where a woman who looks like me, with my kind of skin and my kind of hair, was never considered to be beautiful. And I think it’s time that stops today. I want children to look at me and see my face, and I want them to see their faces reflected in mine.” It’s a powerful speech and Zozibini is magnificent, but I can’t shake off my pervading feelings of unease about the Miss Universe franchise, which was owned by Donald Trump for nearly two decades up until 2015. He publicly bragged

about being able to walk into dressing rooms full of semi-naked contestants, joking about his obligation to sleep with them.

It’s a week later, and time for the Miss World final. Peter Andre is hosting and spouting the line male hosts of beauty pageants everywhere spout: “It’s my dream gig, because there’s over 100 of the most beautiful ladies in the world and I’m the only man in the show”. So far, so samey. Then one of the judges gets up onstage to interview the finalists. It’s Piers Morgan. I can’t help thinking it slightly undermines any feminist credentials this competition might have claimed, employing a bloke who bullies women and minorities on breakfast television, and calls men “an endangered species”. Naturally, Piers, flanked by row upon row of glittering contestants, tells the crowd, “I’ve waited 54 years for this moment”.

The more I investigate pageantry, the more contradictions I discover and the more conflicting emotions I feel.

Increasing diversity certainly looks like positive change, but the system that diversity exists within still seems pretty problematic, especially in toptier pageants. While in some competitions there is a real desire to champion all different types of women, when you look at the big-name brands it’s easy to spot the remnants of oppression – the archaic regulations, the glaring lack of body diversity, the sleazy fingerprints of powerful ogres like Morgan and Trump.

I struggle to resolve all my misgivings, but one thing I’m not at all ambivalent about is how incredible these women are. I am moved by Emma-Jay, Lucy, Patricia, Swe, Angela and Zozibini, not by their beauty, but by their strength. They are using this traditionally patriarchal institution to their advantage, and speaking out for other marginalised people. I may have mixed feelings about the contests themselves that no amount of glitter, gowns and industrial-strength concealer can completely cover up, but so many of the competitors are true queens, whether or not they are wearing a crown.

Find Emma-Jay at ukpageantgirl.com and on Instagram @uk_pageantgirl. Follow Lucy at tinyurl.com/lucybeautyqueen and @lucyhelenrayner 39

WHAT IS LOVE, ACTUALLY? DANIELLE MUSTARDE INVESTIGATES...

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FEATURES | SCIENCE OF LOVE

W

e all know how it feels when we fall head over Dr Martens for someone. Those first months, you can’t get your new beau off your mind. When you see them, your heart races. Your palms sweat. It can be... well, a little bit debilitating, actually.

But what’s really going on under the hood when we’re struck with Cupid’s glittering, queer arrow? Why can those first moments of falling in love feel so similar to experiencing stress, anxiety or even addiction?

And what, if anything, is unique about love – and its bedfellow, attraction – for those of us in the lez/ bi community? Let’s take a dip into the science behind longing, loving and lusting...

ATTRACTION, EXPLAINED “Hey you, do you usually fall for the cool, rebellious type? Or are you more into the brooding artist? Are you all about guys? Hmm. Maybe you also like girls. Does it matter?” Those are the deliciously dulcet tones of Janelle Monaé narrating Netflix’s Sex, Explained, the most recent iteration of its wonderfully bitesized docuseries, Explained. “We all have a type, or a few types. I know I do,” the actor/ pop icon/all-around queero quips in the second episode, Attraction, Explained, as an illustration of a woman with a buzz cut gives a little “Oh!” (We see you, Janelle.) But why is it, Monaé muses, that we’re attracted to certain “types” of people and not to others? What’s happening at a biological level?

“In that moment of attraction,” Monaé begins, “your brain floods you with hormones that make you feel...”

Cut to different people speaking to camera about what they feel when they’re attracted to somebody (“Warm and tingly”, “My heart is beating extremely fast”, “I feel myself looking at their arms – I’m like, super into arms”). Monaé explains that it’s the hormone dopamine that’s responsible for those tell-tale sensations and it’s the very same stuff that’s released when we’re “eating sugar or taking drugs” (which might explain the family size Milkybar on my desk). Then, of course, there’s the

L-O-V-E ACCORDING TO ALICE PIESZECKI...

[Speaking to The Chart radio show listeners in season three] “Welcome back. Tonight we are talking about the connection between love and the senses. Your lover kisses you, and you feel a tremor in the back of your knees. The synapses fire, sending orders – move your legs, move your arms... she’s the one for you, she’s the... girl of your dreams, she’s your one and only. And you know because... the smell of her makes your head swim, because you get a physical jolt every time she sends a glance your way...”

“fight or flight” hormones, norepinephrine and adrenaline, which can make it difficult to remember to eat – or even sleep. I think k.d. was on to something when she penned Constant Craving...

Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies” LOVE IS THE DRUG Head of Psychology at Northumbria University, Dr Mark Moss backs up Monaé’s “hormone-flooding” further.

It seems that dopamine really does make you, well, dopey. “The core areas of the brain that make up the ‘reward system’ are also activated when people are shown pictures of those they love. This system is high in dopamine, and the activation may reflect a natural euphoric high – similar in function, but less intense, than that produced by taking cocaine.

Increasing dopamine levels may also be associated with decreases in another neurochemical, serotonin.

Indeed, studies have shown lower levels [of serotonin] in people in the early stages of love, levels that are similar to those with obsessive compulsive disorder. Love is, after all, a kind of obsession.”

Moss continues: “It seems likely that the activated areas of the brain also impact on other areas, making them less active. One such area is the amygdala, which has been shown to be less active when people look at pictures of their loved ones, and this area is linked to fear. So love reduces fear. Similarly, areas linked to negative emotions are deactivated when in love, perhaps suspending the critical judgements that we normally use to assess people. So, when someone is said to have ‘lost their mind’ when they fall in love, perhaps it is because they really have!”

NATURE OR NURTURE? After a crash course in biology, our Attraction, Explained episode goes on to examine the myriad, more human-focused theories we’ve created over the years to explain the phenomenon of love and attraction.

Astrology (“If you’re a Taurus, try to match with a Capricorn”), in-depth compatibility analyses, asking one another 36 questions bound to “lead to love”. And then there’s Cosmo, which claims there are just “12 steps to make someone fall in love”.

Sounds simple enough.

For decades, however, the science of attraction has been all about genes, aka attraction = finding “a fit and fertile mating partner”. (Cut to a montage of animals shagging, thanks Janelle.) The “finding a mate” theory doesn’t seem to leave much room for same-sex attraction though, does it?

“There’s definitely an evolutionary component to attraction,” says Sex, Explained psychologist Lisa Diamond. “But I think we have to be really careful in distinguishing between ‘just so’ stories.” (For example, men like big boobs because: evolution.)

“There is no evidence of any link between large breasts and a pretty face and fertility, all right?”

Viden Swami, author of the book Attraction Explained, reckons it’s the “social culture in which you grow up” that plays the biggest role. “The idea that we are simply animals, that only really care about reproducing >>>

41

FEATURES | SCIENCE OF LOVE seems incredibly reductive... To form a relationship with an individual, or even just to have sex with an individual, requires so much more than just biology.” Evidenced, perhaps, by the fact that identical twins “don’t always have the same sexuality” and, in fact, “a gay twin is more likely to have a twin that’s straight”, as Monaé points out.

Environment, it seems, has an important role to play – perhaps especially when it comes to sexuality.

Diamond, however, crucially clarifies, “When geneticists are talking about ‘the environment’, we’re talking about literally everything that’s not a gene”.

The environment, for example, could refer to the placenta. In fact, one theory states that, in that first womb of one’s own, the hormones that we’re exposed to – or are perhaps not exposed to – may also play a part in our developing sexualities.

Conversely, a recent study published in the journal Science found that, “People who have had samesex partners are more likely to have one or more of certain DNA markers, according to the largest ever search for genes linked to sexual orientation. [However], even all the markers taken together cannot predict whether a person is gay, bisexual, or straight. Instead, hundreds or thousands of genes, each with small effects, apparently influence sexual behaviour.” >>>

THE POWER OF LOVE Though it seems there’s no exact science on same-sex attraction, one thing that rings true across the board is this – we all feel love, and love is some powerful stuff. It “floods your brain with hormones”, is similar to the experience of “taking cocaine”, and can create behaviours which mirror those of someone “suffering from addiction”. No wonder we call it “lovesick”, jeez.

Someone else who’s extremely familiar with the power of love (besides Frankie Goes To Hollywood), is anthropologist and leading expert, Helen Fisher. Based in America, Fisher is a go-to when it comes to matters of l-o-v-e and her TED Talk, “The brain in love”, has racked up well over six million views. In it, she discusses the overwhelming importance of the experience of love

42 FEBRUARY 2020

throughout human history. “Around the world, people love,” she begins.

“They sing for love, they dance for love, they compose poems and stories about love. They tell myths and legends about love. They pine for love, they live for love, they kill for love, and they die for love. As Walt Whitman once said: ‘O I would stake all for you.’ Anthropologists have found evidence of romantic love in 170 societies – they’ve never found a society that did not have it.”

Romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on earth” Fisher continues: “Of all the poetry that I’ve read about romantic love, what sums it up best is something that is said by Plato over 2,000 years ago. ‘The God of love lives in the state of need. It is a need, it is an urge, it is a homeostatic imbalance.

Like hunger and thirst, it’s almost impossible to stamp out.’ I’ve also come to believe that romantic love is an addiction... Indeed, it has all the characteristics of addiction: tolerance, you need to see them more, and more, and more; withdrawals and last – relapse... Romantic love is one of the most addictive substances on earth.” It’s for this reason that Fisher decided to dedicate her life to the study of this “madness”.

Unfortunately, one thing she doesn’t mention in this particular talk is LGBTQI love and attraction (a recurring theme in this area of study, it would seem). She does, however, pick up on the particular ways that women “get intimacy”. “Women tend to get intimacy differently than men do. Women get intimacy from faceto-face talking. We swivel towards each other, we do what we call the ‘anchoring gaze’ and we talk.”

LOVE IS PERSONAL So, with the help of HRH Janelle Monaé, Walt Whitman, Plato and a couple of experts to boot, we’ve seen that both biological and environmental factors are at play in those first

stages of falling in love, but do we actually understand the process all that well, really? And have there been any specific studies into what lez/bi women find attractive? “The literature doesn’t really map the process of ‘falling in love’ clearly, although there are some biological correlates that seem appropriate to consider,” explains our old friend Dr Moss. “First is the neuropeptide oxytocin, which is released during orgasm, childbirth and breastfeeding [and] has been linked to pair bonding. Oxytocin doesn’t fully cover the passion of love, however, and this is where brain imaging techniques offer insight. “[So far], this research has been on heterosexual people, but there is no reason at this stage to believe that the processes should be different in homosexual, bisexual or any other orientation when it comes to falling in love. When it comes to the question of ‘what’ we’re attracted to, it’s perhaps not surprising that beauty and love activate the same areas of the brain (and the same areas associated with sexual desire). [Where] research has looked at the face and body preferences of homosexual women compared to heterosexual women, researchers describe the preference for homosexual women to be for more feminine faces and heavier figures. There appears to be no clear biological explanation of this, that I can find, however. Of course, what an individual finds beautiful is indeed, individual. If someone considers a person beautiful then their brain is activated, irrespective of the views of anyone else.”

While clearly there’s much more to explore and discover in terms of non-heterosexual attraction, one thing is overwhelmingly obvious, “love is personal”, as Dr Moss concludes. “What an individual finds attractive in another is, of course, influenced by many things – family, peers, culture, fashion, the media and so on. We are none of us truly independent in thought or deed.”

When that glittering arrow successfully strikes, only one thing is certain – no matter our sexuality, we’re completely and totally screwed.

Has this article got you thinking? Share your thoughts with us on the socials @DIVAmagazine, #DIVALoveActually

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CULTURE 44

The Shane effect The L Word character the ladies love to love

46

Núñez on the block Arienne Mandi talks joining the cast of The L Word: Gen Q

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Heavenly creature Singer-songwriter Maria McKee on how making music saved her life

44 FEBRUARY 2020

The Shane effect ROXY BOURDILLON EXAMINES OUR ENDURING OBSESSION WITH THE L WORD’S RESIDENT HEARTBREAKER The first time I stepped foot in a gay bar, I met Shane McCutcheon. In fact, I met her multiple times on what I now fondly remember as The Night Of A Thousand Shanes. Ok, so none of the women in Leeds’ Queens Court were the actual Kate Moennig, but they all had the same, studied, tousled hair, smudged eyeliner, and too-cool-tocare stare. Shane’s arrival on our TV screens had a seismic impact, felt all the way from the sunkissed shores of LA to the damp drinking dens of West Yorkshire.

Of course, the whole show was a game-changer, and since The L Word premiered in 2004, choosing which character you most resemble has been a time-honoured gay girl pastime. Despite my ultimate ambition to be a Peggy Peabody (filthy rich, fabulously witty, spends all her time buying art and taking lovers), I’m 100% an Alice (writer, inappropriatejoke-cracker, regularly uses the chatup line, “So you like girly girls, huh?”).

But, as The Night Of A Thousand Shanes demonstrates, there is no character type more imitated in queer communities than Ms McCutcheon.

While I never cut my hair short or wore a skinny tie, the journey to realising my own homosexuality did involve the following crucial milestones: watching Shane, realising I fancied Shane, realising I fancied Bette, Dana, Helena, ok, the entire cast... realising I might just be a giant lesbian. I’m by no means the only one who had a Shaneinspired sexual awakening. From the outset, she was introduced as the heartthrob. In her second ever scene, she dives into an outdoor pool, bush fully out, and fingerblasts a blonde with “these really beautiful breasts”.

Later on Bette remarks, “Have you ever noticed that every time Shane walks into a room, someone leaves crying?”

The pilot ends with Shane doing a morning-after stride of Pride, wearing a now iconic ensemble of leather

trousers, matching waistcoat, and not much else.

It was obvious she was the designated lezthario, but Shane was never just eye candy. We wanted to be her, be with her, or a confusing combination of the two. Even if you’ve never seen The L Word, I’ll bet you know who Shane is, what “Shane” means.

She’s become queer shorthand. Shane was a global phenomenon, but which came first, the chicken or the Shane?

Is Shane the original Shane? Were there pre-Shane Shanes? And who on earth inspired L Word showrunner Ilene Chaiken to write this incredibly influential character? Did Ilene know a Shane, fall for a Shane, get frigged in an outdoor pool by a Shane?

Playing Shane gave me the confidence to embrace who I was”

More info on Contents page 3

A little digging reveals that Shane is widely believed to be based on real-life celebrity hairdresser, Sally Hershberger. An out lesbian, Sally was known for partying with rock stars, seducing A-listers, and pioneering the quintessentially queer “shag” haircut, as worn by Shane, Meg Ryan, and most of the lezzas in Leeds in the noughties. Although Ilene denies rumours that Shane was based on her longtime pal, Sal, The L Word: Generation Q trailer reveals that Shane still sports Sally’s signature, and might I add very appropriately named, “shag” to this day.

Ilene offers further insight into the creation of this character in an interview with Vogue: “Shane was the one I had the most specific, visceral sense of. In my mind, she always had dark hair, and the voice was the most

PHOTO NICOLE GURNEY

CULTURE | THE L WORD important part; it couldn’t be some cool young woman who undercut it all with a girly voice.” Both Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey read for the role. “Kate was specifically and explicitly Shane. The straight, white, male network guy loved Leisha, and I did too, but not for Shane. We threw down, and I stood firm – ‘Trust me on this’ – and we made the deal that we’d find something else for Leisha, who I wrote Alice for.”

Kate was 24 when she was cast, and not yet out, even to herself. She says that Leisha, the only out lesbian in the original lineup, “called it instantly”, but it took Kate “a second to catch up”. It was Shane who helped her finally figure out she was gay. You and me both, Moennig! She explains on RuPaul’s What’s The Tee? podcast: “When I got The L Word, that’s where my wheels started turning. It was the first time I was in an environment when it was so welcomed and discussed. Everyone was open and proud and confident. I’d never seen that before.”

Kate was thrilled to have landed a dream gig, but how did she go about bringing Shane to life? She tells Vulture: “My cousin has this great saying, ‘The best game is to have no game’. I think that was the origin of how I figured out who Shane was. She didn’t have a game. And that works for her, because people were always coming to her, and that’s why it’s effortless, right?”

Shane’s unique magnetism is an ongoing theme, epitomised when she does a topless photo shoot modelling Hugo Boss underwear to a thumping soundtrack of Peaches’ Boys Wanna Be Her. In season one, she explains to her stalker, Lacey, “I don’t do relationships”, and she’s declared a “major hub” on The Chart, because she beds such a whopping number of women.

She has more sex scenes than any other character, with storylines including: dashing the dreams of Sharmen fans everywhere by jilting Carmen at the altar, screwing an estate agent in the flat she’s considering renting with her girlfriend Paige, and having a threesome with entrepreneurs and lesbian Turkish oil wres-

tling superfans, Dawn Denbo and Her Lover Cindy. The serial shagger trope borders on parody when, while styling hair at a swanky wedding, Shane sleeps with not one, but three members of the bridal party, including the mother of the bride. Did Shane make lesbian promiscuity aspirational? Is she responsible for spawning a whole generation of fuckbois? Sidenote: does anyone else think that perhaps Shane should face facts and come out as poly? Because I’m really not sure this whole monogamy thing is working for her.

Shane was so potent because TV had never seen a woman like her.

The Casanova type is almost always portrayed as male through characters like James Bond, Don Draper, and

Fonzie from Happy Days. She also stood out as the only non-femme in an ensemble of long-haired, lipstickloving lesbians. She was revolutionary: visibly queer, embodying the beauty of androgyny, and serving an aesthetic many gay girls quickly claimed as their own. She showed a different way we could exist in the world, helping countless lesbians and bi women accept themselves, including Kate herself. “Playing such a self-possessed person for six years really brought me into my centre. It gave me the inner confidence to embrace who I was.”

While it’s a struggle to find onscreen Shanealikes predating the official Dawn Of Shane, there have been many direct descendants since: Orange Is The New Black’s Stella (like Kate, Ruby Rose became known as a “gateway gay” with giddy ladies rushing to tell anyone who’d listen that they’d “turn” for her), Erika Linder’s Dallas in Below Her Mouth (lines like, “I’ve got no emotional stamina for intimacy” and “I’m bad for you” are straight out of the McCutcheon playbook), and Lip Service’s Frankie played by Ruta Gedmintas (hair do – tick, husky voice – tick, ability to make women’s knickers spontaneously ping off and fly across the room – double tick). And who could forget The Real L Word’s Whitney Mixter? In the opening episode of Showtime’s reality TV spinoff, Whitney has three different love interests and, according to her roommate, “the power of the clam”.

Now, after 10 years away, the mother of all Shanes is back in The L Word: Generation Q. Her enduring appeal is confirmed when I attend a London screening of the premiere episode, hosted by House Of Pride.

When Shane appears onscreen the audience is audibly flustered, giggling, whooping, and hollering with abandon.

There isn’t a dry seat in the house. The Gen Q trailer shows her stepping off a private jet, hanging out with gal pals Bette and Alice, and making out with multiple different women including, naturally, the flight attendant. One thing’s for sure. It may have been a decade since she last swaggered across our screens, but Shane is still looking very Shane today.

The L Word: Generation Q premieres in the UK on Sky Atlantic on 4 February 45

Núñez on the block 46 FEBRUARY 2020

PHOTO RAY CHRISTIAN PHOTOGRAPHY

Dani Núñez, aka Arienne Mandi

CULTURE | THE L WORD

T

he first 60 seconds of The L Word: Generation Q feature boobs, feminism, and girlon-girl sex. So, basically, everything you signed up for. If the opening scene is anything to go by, you can rest assured that this time around will be just as progressive, provocative, and, if it’s possible, even more raunchy.

The two characters getting it on with such gay abandon are Sophie Suarez, played by Rosanny Zayas, and her girlfriend Dani Núñez, aka Arienne Mandi, or Ari to you and me. When we chat long distance on the phone, Ari’s midway through shooting, and over the moon to be part of such an iconic, important programme. I ask her to describe Gen Q in three words and she thinks for a moment. “Sexy is definitely one of them.” Glad to hear it. “Sexy, loving and... complicated.

There’s lots to unravel.”

Upbeat and charismatic, Ari is one of four diverse new leads joining Jennifer Beals, Leisha Hailey and Kate Moennig for the reboot. Let’s take a moment to imagine Alice’s Chart scrawled all over her whiteboard, and I’ll break down exactly what’s what, and who’s doing who.

So, horny lovebirds Dani and Sophie have been together for years. They’re from very different worlds and family backgrounds, but they’re still totally besotted with each other. Their housemate, trans guy Micah (Leo Sheng), is Dani’s ex-turned-bestie, and Finley (Jacqueline Toboni) is the gang’s loveable goofball, a soft butch “wild card”. “We’re a great bunch. We’re the best of friends and it centres on us as we experience change. For Dani, her choices and what she wants to fight for really shift throughout the course of the season.” And where do the OGs fit into all of this? “How our lives entwine with theirs is where the juicy stuff happens.”

After watching the first episode, I can confirm that it’s extremely juicy, and Ari’s character, Dani, is a compelling addition to the show. There are shades of a young Bette Porter in Dani, an ambitious, twentysomething PR executive who works for her dad’s company. Like Bette, she is driven, uncompromising and has both a complicated relationship with her father and a wardrobe full of fashion-

FRESH FROM THE SET OF THE L WORD REVIVAL, ARIENNE MANDI TALKS LOVE, SEX AND JOINING GEN Q WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

forward trouser suits. Dani works incredibly hard, and loves even harder.

As soon as Ari picked up the script, she felt instinctively that this was the role for her. “My team knows what really speaks to me and that’s strong, powerful women. When I read about Dani, where she comes from, and the struggles that she deals with, I was drawn to it. ‘This is mine.’ Certain things, you just feel it.”

Perhaps part of the reason that Ari wanted to play Dani was that the two have a lot in common. For a start, they are both mixed race women with Latinx and Middle Eastern heritage.

They’re both “fitness junkies”, who work out daily – Dani’s a runner, while Ari’s a boxing fanatic. Check out her Instagram (@arienne_mandi) to see

The most important ‘L word’ is love”

More info on Contents page 3

her in action in the ring. They’re both also “strong-willed”, and, Ari admits, “sometimes stubborn”. “Dani doesn’t really know how to process her emotions or talk about them, and that’s very much me.” When it comes to romance, Dani’s crazy about the longterm girlfriend she’s had since college.

Ari’s had relationships with men and women. She reflects, “It’s been interesting, actually, being in a more public light. I’ve never really found the need to label myself. I truly and deeply respect however anybody wants to identify. I just feel like it boxes me in a little bit, but if there were to be anything close to what I feel it would be pan. I accept love in all forms and I give love. It’s just all love.”

Ari grew up in LA, the daughter of a “pretty strict, conservative” Iranian dad and a Chilean mum, who nurtured her creative side. “My father ingrained in me that I had to go to college.” So, when the time came, she dutifully enrolled at UCLA. Then, one day, when she was 19, a chance meeting with her old acting teacher prompted a change in direction. “She said, ‘I’m managing now and building my client list. Why don’t you give it a shot?’ We gave it a shot together and

here we are now.” Ari’s impressive CV includes performances in Hawaii Five0, NCIS, and In The Vault, in which she plays a queer social activist. “That was a wonderful experience. My writerdirector really allowed me to explore this character without judgement, without imposing ideas of what queer life is.” It’s clear from speaking to Ari that her passion for LGBTQI representation is heartfelt and sincere. “It really makes me happy to see that happening on more and more shows.

It’s a beautiful thing. Although we haven’t quite reached where we need to be, we’re definitely on our way.”

We discuss how much Gen Q differs from earlier seasons. “There’s a lot more inclusivity. It’s very diverse.”

Unlike the initial run, there are now trans actors like Leo in trans roles, and Latinx actors, including Ari and Rosanny, playing Latinx parts. Ari’s keen to commend new showrunner Marja-Lewis Ryan for “making sure that everybody has a voice on the show”. “Everybody can find someone to relate to in this queer group of people.”

Having watched the original in secret as a youngster, hoping her dad wouldn’t wander in during a particularly steamy scene, she couldn’t be more thrilled to be starring in this bold new incarnation. “It was the most groundbreaking show of its time. It completely focussed on queer life and it was amazing.” Her favourite character? Dana (RIP). “Her relationship with Alice was the one I really loved. It gave me the warm fuzzies inside. Bette was, and is, an absolute powerhouse. And, fuck, Shane was so hot. I had my own feelings for everybody. They were a very special cast.”

As such a fan, what on earth was it like having her idols suddenly become her co-stars? “Pretty surreal”, to say the least. The two-month hiring process included a meeting with Jennifer Beals. They “clicked immediately” and their 30-minute encounter ended in tears, because they felt such a deep connection. When the final line-up was confirmed, Jennifer, Leisha and Kate welcomed the newbies with open arms. They went for dinners together and had heart-to-hearts about what lay ahead, sharing their wisdom, offering their support, but >>> also giving them enough space

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CULTURE | THE L WORD

PHOTO SHOWTIME

The cast of The L Word: Generation Q, both OGs and newbies

to make their characters their own. “I remember Jennifer saying, ‘We had our thing. We want you guys to have your own experience, and we’re here if you need anything’.”

The new squad bonded further when they joined the parade for the 2019 World Pride celebrations. As they drove past The Stonewall Inn, 50 years after the riots, Ari was overcome with emotion. “There are no words to describe the feeling of being on a float in New York City, surrounded by people who just want to be loved. People that are free to be themselves and are celebrating the life that we have, but we had to fight for. We had a blast.” She adds, chuckling, “We were on the float for six hours in a traffic jam, so we really got to know each other well”. At Pride, she had the opportunity to see the profound, far-reaching impact of The L Word first hand. Fans were eager to meet the cast, old and new, telling them how much the show meant to them, that it made them feel seen, and inspired them to come out. “That’s the best thing you can ask for.”

I always imagine the set of The L Word to be like your fantasy gay bar, a real-life The Planet packed full of queer folk having a ridiculously good time. Ari describes the atmosphere as “all inclusive”. “We have every kind of person and everyone’s free to be exactly who they want to be.” As well as

>>>

48 FEBRUARY 2020

I’m excited, a little nervous...

I just want everyone to love the show as much as I do” forming new friendships and becoming part of queer televisual history, being on The L Word means filming her first ever onscreen sex scenes.

And while the finished product looks fantastic, they can be pretty gruelling to record. Dani and Sophie’s corker in the pilot took eight hours to shoot, which was both full-on and “a lot of fun”. “We have completely closed sets and there’s a lot of prep that goes into every one of them. There’s an intimacy coordinator present for every meeting, that you can just rely on to completely be your voice if you don’t feel you want to speak up about something. That’s a really beautiful thing that’s been established in the industry. They’ve made sure everyone’s super respectful. The scenes couldn’t be done more tastefully. I feel very comfortable.”

The results are bound to delight viewers, returning and new alike. Sixteen years after the season one pilot aired, it still feels powerful, validating and revolutionary to see queer sex,

our sex, portrayed so gorgeously on TV. I wonder, is Ari ready to become an overnight pin-up for women worldwide? It turns out the OGs have offered advice on this very topic.

“They’ve kind of verbally prepared us for this wave that’s going to happen, because it happened to them when they first did the show. But I don’t think anything can really ever prepare you until you experience it.

I’m excited, a little nervous. More so, I just want everyone to love the show as much as I do.”

Responses so far have proved that to be very much the case. In fact, Gen Q is such a hit in the US it’s already been renewed for a second season.

This is a programme that means so much to so many. It’s a show that unites our community, gives us a shared language, makes people feel represented and, of course, it’s sexy as hell. But what does The L Word mean to Ari? “The most important ‘L word’ is love. It’s accepting everybody and respecting them. This is a primarily lesbian show, but now we have trans characters and all kinds of people. To me, that is what The L Word is – the freedom to be whoever you want to be and love whoever you want to love.”

The L Word: Generation Q premieres in the UK on 4 February on Sky Atlantic

CULTURE | MUSIC

Over Easy

In her latest EP, Over Easy, 24-yearold singer-songwriter Broox is musical testament to being your most true and best self. If you’re feeling a little jaded ahead of Valentine’s Day, fear not! BTWLD, the first on the two-track EP, is here to “take you higher and make you feel lighter”. If the sound of neo-soul guitars and smooth vocals isn’t treat enough, we guarantee that the adorable video for the second track, She’s Been Listening, will have you falling in love with Broox’s goofy and gorgeous sensibility.

SINGLE

MUSIC

BROOX

BY LAURA HOWARD

album of the Month

EP

ALBUM

FLETCHER

MUNA

One Too Many

Saves The World

We’ve had our eye on MUNA since 2017 when they released their hit single, I Know A Place. So, it’s high time that we shine a Pink Light on their transformative second album, Saves The World. By now, we don’t need to convince you of what’s already clear from their sold-out UK headline tour.

Their collaborative songwriting skills and identifiable lyrics are reflected in their fiercely dedicated fanbase, resonating deeply with their brand of politically engaged, compassionate electro-pop. If this sounds like a bit of you, we highly recommend giving their album a thorough listen ASAP. EP

Last year got off to a flying start for rising pop talent Fletcher. In January, she released her US chart-climbing debut single Undrunk, going on to wrap up the year with a sold-out headline tour across North America and Europe. Fletcher’s latest single, One Too Many, is a relatable pop-bop that addresses post-heartbreak schadenfreude. We’ve all experienced it, right? It’s the weekend, you’ve had a few bevs and then, feelings – “I’m so sick of seeing your face in every face, I’m so sick of missing you.”

Well, on the contrary, we can’t wait to see more of Fletcher’s face at one of her three UK live shows in March.

ARLO PARKS Sophie

Arlo Parks continues to deliver poetic, semi-bleak, R&B masterpieces with her latest EP, Sophie. In her own words, she describes it as being written “about our relationship with ourselves, how we deal with pain, how we express love and whether it’s possible to achieve clarity in a world of doubt”. In the title track, sit back and enjoy Arlo’s soothing tones. The accompanying music video is as aesthetically pleasing as the lyrics are tender.

DEMO

THE STAVES Nothing’s Gonna Happen

A teaser to what would suggest a fourth album, The Staves released a demo titled Nothing’s Gonna Happen on 6 December. While there have been collaborations and festival appearances, it’s been two years since their last studio release. Somewhat shrouded in mystery, we are intrigued for what’s to come from the indie-folk trio when their UK tour begins later this month.

LAURA HOWARD is a friendly northern muso, aspiring radio DJ and self-proclaimed pun wizard. @howardoyoudo 49

Heavenly creature PHOTOS ANNA SAMPSON, ASAFE GHALIB

SINGER-SONGWRITER MARIA MCKEE TELLS CARRIE LYELL HOW MAKING MUSIC SAVED HER LIFE

50 FEBRUARY 2020

CULTURE | MARIA MCKEE You might not be familiar with her name, but you will almost certainly know all the words to her 1990 hit song Show Me Heaven.

“I didn’t realise the importance of that song in the queer community until I was asked to sing it at Dublin Pride about 15 years ago,” Maria McKee tells me when I call her at home in LA. “I hadn’t performed it, because I always thought of it as an anecdote to my career as a singer-songwriter and an indie musician. I knew it was popular and I was proud of the vocal, but I didn’t really think of it as being integral to my body of work, until I realised it had become a bit of an anthem.”

Today, McKee – softly spoken, considered and agonisingly honest throughout our conversation – is ready to introduce herself to a whole new generation, preparing for the release of her first studio album in 13 years. So where has she been?

“I’ve been living in this shut down, numbed state for a while and wasn’t dealing with things I needed to deal with regarding my marriage, my personal life...” the 55-year-old opens up. “I’d locked that part of me away.” In doing so, she also killed her creativity and admits her last few albums she feels she’s “phoned in”, revealing it’s been 25 years since she “last wrote from a place of catharsis and obsession and desire”. “I had blocked that off in order to live this domesticated, sober existence,” she laughs gently. “Suddenly, the cracks started to appear and the floodgates opened. It was painful, and the only way I could cope with the pain was to write songs.”

What came next was a “momentous and transformative” six months in which McKee wrote more than 35 tracks, 14 of which make up her remarkable new album, La Vita Nuova.

Described as “big, lush and dramatic”, it’s a gorgeous, confessional album exploring grief and desire, spiritual awakening and sexuality. Operatic and orchestral, it’s a record which demands attention. “I had reached an age and was grieving the life I could have or should have had. I guess, in a way, like a mid-life crisis. You’re looking death in the eye and figuring out how you want to spend the rest of the time you have.”

On La Vita Nuova, we find McKee

mourning her lost youth, the years she lost in a “platonic marriage” – “I had thwarted desire for so long that it actually almost killed me” – and come face to face with a woman in agony, grieving for the children she never had. “I’m a very passionate, desiring, very tender person,” she says. “I’m extraordinarily nurturing and maternal, too... You reach a certain age as a woman and you can no longer expect to be able to have children. That was a grieving process that inspired some of the [album]. I believe, in many of the songs, the muse character is almost like the child I never had.”

A younger Maria McKee did not want children, she tells me. Was that overwhelming sense of grief for not having them surprising, then? “Yes, it was. [My ex-husband] and I had always spent time with people who had children and then come home and said, ‘Thank god we’re free, thank god we can travel, thank god we can make art’. But then, all of a sudden, your cycle comes to a screeching halt, and it’s final. It’s final.”

In interviews I’ve read, McKee talks about music being her legacy, in place of children. “We all have various ways of trying to live on past our death,” she says. “Ernest Becker, the philosopher, talks about ‘immortality projects’, which is sort of what we leave behind. Some people’s immortality project is raising children.

I know that sounds a bit cold, but that’s the philosophy. For others, it is making art, having a business or a charity or foundation. For me, my two passions right now are the music and my advocacy.”

Having come out in 2019 as “a pansexual, polyamorous, gender-fluid dyke”, queer advocacy now plays a huge part in McKee’s life, giving her a renewed sense of purpose and a way to channel the nurturing, maternal energy that she carries. “A big, big part of my queerness, now that I’ve come out and I’m living queer, is being a mother to all of my young queer friends,” she says excitedly. “It’s extraordinarily satisfying and I feel like, in a way, this album being sort of the map, to direct me, to take steps to forge a new life, gave birth to all of these beautiful relationships that are incredibly satisfying to my maternal instinct.”

She tells me about her “dyke

The people who are the closest to me in my life right now are trans women”

More info on Contents page 3

mother”, a woman called Celeste Guinness. “She’s my bestie, the one who took me under her wing and brought me out in the queer community in London. I’ve met most of my friends through her. She introduced me as this woman from LA who is a musician and does advocacy work for the trans community. Anyway, word got out that I was the woman who sang Show Me Heaven,” she laughs.

“It was really cute. They started doing it at karaoke and I would see, in their stories, them in the car playing it and singing along. Now, I trot it out at any opportunity I get. I sang it at Trans Pride in London, I sang on stage at a strip night surrounded by half-naked queer bodies. I’m really enjoying the renaissance that Show Me Heaven is having.”

At a time when the queer community feels increasingly divided and anti-trans rhetoric is getting louder, it’s refreshing to hear a voice like McKee’s; passionately and unapologetically supportive of our trans siblings, and willing to fight for them. “The people who are the closest to me in my life right now are trans women,” she says. “I have somebody in my life who is like a daughter to me who is a trans woman. Gosh, I have probably three trans daughters in queerness, in queer family, and lovers as well, and although I’m a cis woman, I identify as gender-fluid... I have become very, very close with a group in London >>> called We Are Transmissions

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CULTURE | MARIA MCKEE there was a girl at school who I think I was a little bit in love with. Every time I saw her, I would have a panic attack.

I told my mum about it, because I was afraid. We were raised to believe that was a sin. Not long after, I was picked up from school out of the blue by an older woman from church. I was 14.

She basically said that they needed to cast some spirits out of me. The next thing I knew, I was in a prayer meeting. My mother was there with her prayer group, and they started to cast spirits from me, and one of those was the spirit of homosexuality.

“My mother was a very religious woman, raised in the 1940s. I was conditioned to believe that I needed a man to take care of me, to guide me, to protect me, to desire me. It’s hard, when you’re imprinted with that. So even though I’ve always felt desire for women, it took a very, very long time for me to accept it. The internalised homophobia from religious dogma and social conditioning and being in a partnership with somebody that is like a business partner... the next thing you know, your life is passing you by and you’re just subsisting.

When I cracked my heart open, I started having feelings for wom(wearetransmissions.co.uk), run

by Lucia Blake, the organiser of Trans Pride in London. She’s my sister.

Through her group, I’ve met many young queer people who are all gender non-conforming. When they came to see me play in London recently, I gave them pride of place at the show because it was a benefit for my funding platform [to give trans women access to female feminisation surgery].

I had a lot of old fans in the front row who wouldn’t move and make way for them. Most of them were older straight men. I went into an absolute rant on social media the next day about it. I lost fans and followers, and I don’t care one bit. I’m willing to do battle for the people that I love and my family. If I lose fans, I lose fans. If I lose followers, I lose followers. If I lose friends, I don’t care. For me, it’s queers to the front.”

I’m curious how McKee came, in her mid-50s, to realise she wasn’t straight. Was it a sudden revelation, or something she’s grappled with throughout her life? “I grew up in a very superstitious, evangelical Christian home,” she recalls. “I remember >>>

52 FEBRUARY 2020

I’ve always felt desire for women, it took a very, very long time to accept it” en, and then I ended up having a relationship with a woman and never looked back.”

Indeed, while the new record examines grief from a multitude of angles, it also chronicles an awakening of sorts, and therefore doesn’t feel despairing. It’s haunting in parts, yes, but there are notes of joy, too. “I started out bereft,” McKee says. “For not having had a child, living in a platonic partnership and not having an expression for desire... For youth, beauty, romance, newness, spontaneity, passion. All of these things that I felt I’d sacrificed. And then halfway through the making of the record, I realised that I wasn’t content to grieve these things, and I wasn’t, in fact, creating an elegy. I was taking

steps towards allowing myself to have hope. To make a new life for myself.

And so there is a moment of almost a phoenix rising from the flames and taking steps towards opening this life, to something new.”

McKee describes La Vita Nuova as a “creative catharsis” and says that the process of writing saved her life. Where, or what, does she think she might have been without it? Had these songs not poured out of her soul in the way that they did? She sighs deeply. “I don’t know,” she says after a long pause. “I’m very vocal about my struggle with depression and I was in a very dark place... I sunk quite low.

I think if I hadn’t come to the place where I allowed the songs to come and I allowed myself to open my eyes to what my life was and how I needed to change my life, I probably would have continued in a sort of numb state. But I’m not that person. The person who wrote Absolutely Barking Stars 25 years ago was in there, screaming to get out, and she came out through my skin. She needed to come back out again and to fly and to express and live. Live” As anyone who has followed McKee’s career will know, she is no stranger to transformation. Described as a “tangle of contradictions”, her body of work, she admits, has been a real “smorgasbord”. But just who is Maria McKee today? How would she describe herself? She laughs heartily.

“I feel young at heart. I feel like I’m starting over. I spend half my time in London so I don’t really have solid roots, but that’s okay. I’m really open to anything – wherever the wind blows, I will follow.” And what of the next chapter? What does that hold?

“Hopefully I’ll write more songs.

Hopefully I’ll fall in love again.”

As our conversation comes to an end, I ask what she hopes people might take from La Vita Nuova. “Oh. That’s hard,” she says. “I suppose it would be to let your subconscious have a voice and listen to your intuition and let it guide you.

Regardless of what your life looks like, or what you think it’s supposed to look like, or what people expect your life to look like. Really listen to that still, small voice inside of you that knows. Trust it, and follow it.”

La Vita Nuova is out 13 March

CULTURE | BOOKS

Jill Gardiner

The first poetry collection, With Some Wild Woman, by Jill Gardiner, a poet and a historian, represents half of a lifetime of love, work and experiences. With poems spanning the years from 1989 to 2019, Gardiner conjures up lovers found, lost, and found again, as well as memories of family, artistic inspiration and trips abroad. The second section – Beacons – takes poetic license with the lives of many famous 20th century women: Simone de Beauvoir, Susan Sontag, Dora Carrington, Gluck, Daphne du Maurier. Consistent throughout is a sentiment expressed in the poem Dining Out, a reassurance and a knowing smile: “Women like us have always found a way.”

Tollington Press, £8.99 FICTION

THE SISTERS GRIMM Menna van Praag

In the fairytaleinspired world of The Sisters Grimm by Menna van Praag, the fate of four sisters – Goldie, Bea, Liyana and Scarlet, connected not by blood, but circumstance – rests on their ability to discover (and harness) their individual sources of magic. Set against soldiers sent by their father, Wilhelm Grimm, to kill them (or, more likely, to become the killers), each woman will wrestle with the choices set before them but, ultimately, have to rely on each other. Of the main characters, Liyana, a former competitive swimmer and a thorn in the side of girlfriend Kumiko, shines out.

A tale for anyone who has ever dreamed of Everwhere.

Bantam Press, £14.99

BOOKS

WITH SOME WILD WOMAN

BY ERICA GILLINGHAM

Book of the Month

POETRY

EROTICA

BEST LESBIAN EROTICA OF THE YEAR, VOLUME 4 Sinclair Sexsmith, Editor

We knew we’d be in for a treat with genderqueer kinky butch writer Sinclair Sexsmith at the helm, and we are here to tell you that Volume 4 of Cleis Press’ Best Lesbian Erotica Of The Year is good – skin-tinglingly, skirt-flippingly, pants-droppingly good. This collection is one of the most inclusive we’ve seen with a wide representation of genders, sexualities, races, ages, abilities, kinks and passions. From pansexual fantasy speed dating to a late-in-life Palm Springs hook-up, from a playful nightcap between a poly throuple who can’t sleep to a post-show femmedom nightmare, Sexsmith has curated a book that is not only guaranteed to delight, but will make you fall in love (and lust) with erotica.

Cleis Press, £12.87

Emerging Voices: Nico Westbrook Each issue we invite a queer guest reviewer to share their book of the month. This time it’s Nico Westbrook, a university student and writer aspiring to pen the books they want to see into the world. @cassandermark FICTION

PET Akwaeke Emezi

Akwaeke Emezi’s Pet is a gorgeous novel that tackles what life looks like after a revolution. Set in a world where the monsters have been pulled from power and replaced with the angels who pushed them out, we get to see an idealised version of community. This allows us to delve into a reality where communication and love become the heart of Lucille and what that means for the people living there. Emezi fantastically captures the voices of adolescence on the page and seamlessly reflects the complex reality of people’s lives – but, honestly, the book and its main character, Jam, are perfectly capable of speaking (and signing) for themselves.

Faber & Faber, £7.99

ERICA GILLINGHAM is a queer poet, writer, and bookseller with a PhD in lesbian love stories and kissing. @ericareadsqueer 53

BY KAT HALSTEAD

SCREEN

Pick of the Month

QUEEN & SLIM Directed by Melina Matsoukas News

TV

Film

DVD

Stream

Supremely stylish and intensely powerful, what begins as a failing Tinder date takes a turn into an angry, passionate reflection of Trump’s America in this road trip romance with a revolutionary spin. Lena Waithe reteams with director Melina Matsoukas, following their Emmy-winning episode of Master Of None, to create a beautifully shot, intimately acted story of an outlaw couple on the run.

Daniel Kaluuya (Get Out) is an easygoing retail worker.

Newcomer Jodie Turner-Smith is a whip-smart defence attorney. Their journey may have ended there, but for an encounter with an aggressive white cop that forces them to pull the trigger in self-defence. And so begins the dreamlike fight for survival, from one town to another, one encounter to the next. Along the way, they become unwilling folk heroes. Trust is placed tentatively – a warm and knowing Indya Moore proves a pivotal ally – love grows delicately and then passionately, all the while speeding towards a finale that shows how often strength and helplessness walk hand in hand.

In cinemas 31 January

SEX, EXPLAINED

KAT HALSTEAD is a writer and movie buff with a penchant for female-led flicks. @kathalstead 54 FEBRUARY 2020

Janelle Monáe wants to talk about sex, and who are we to argue? The queer icon explains all the ins and outs in this brand new docuseries, covering everything from sexual fantasies and what happens when we’re turned on to birth control and fertility. The series offers a fresh, inclusive look at the facts in a bold way that’s as entertaining as it is educational.

Prepare to take notes...

Streaming on Netflix now

IRIS ON THE MOVE

If you didn’t make it to Cardiff for last year’s Iris Prize, the organisers have kindly curated a programme of award-winning LGBTQI short films and guest speakers currently touring the UK, from Brighton to Manchester. Highlights include the Involuntary Activist, And Then We Danced, and My Brother Is A Mermaid (pictured).

For the full line-up visit irisprize.org/ irisonthemove.

Iris On The Move continues until 31 May

SAVE THE DATE BFI Flare: London LGBTQ+ Film Festival

Rainbow highlighters at the ready: the capital’s preeminent LGBTQI film festival is back this March with an eclectic programme showcasing the most exciting films, events and club nights around. In its 34th year, the festival returns to the BFI Southbank to create a buzzing space to celebrate LGBTQI filmmakers and content – from the big movies everyone’s talking about to intimate shorts, discussions, special guests and social events. Start planning your schedule now – tickets go on sale on 27 February at whatson.bfi.org.uk/ flare/online.

BFI Flare takes place in London from 18-29 March

CULTURE | SCREEN SEA WITHOUT SHORE Directed by André Semenza and Fernanda Lippi

of the best... lez/bi meet cutes

Carol and Therese Carol When Carol (Cate Blanchett) walks over to Therese (Rooney Mara) in the department store, it’s so tense you daren’t take a breath.

“Shopping makes me nervous,” says Carol.

“It’s all right, working here makes me nervous,” replies Therese. A compliment on her hat, and there’s no saving the poor thing.

At once beautiful, disjointed and intensely primal, this ambitious art film is a feverish stream of consciousness that explores the imprint of love after death – in the mind, the body, the landscape and beyond. Following the loss of her lover, performed by Livia Rangel, Fernanda Lippi expresses the intricate maelstrom of anger, despair, and memory that floods her mind and, in turn, the isolated Swedish surroundings, through captivating modern dance intersected with fragments of poetry, including words by 17th century queer poet Katherine Philips. Yes, it’s another same-sex relationship cut short by death, but the character lives on in this otherworldly realm, where there may not be any discernible plot, but there is an intriguing fusion of art forms with a queer love story at its heart.

Waverly and Nicole Wynonna Earp It’s just two episodes in when Nicole first walks into the bar and introduces herself to Waverly – and their immediate attraction is pretty damn clear. The soft handshake, the eye contact, the lingering smiles... Her boyfriend, Champ, clearly ain’t gonna last and one of our favourite lez/bi romances is born!

In cinemas 14 February

Rachel and Luce CHILLING ADVENTURES OF SABRINA, PART 3

Imagine Me & You

Created by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa

Rachel is seconds away from marrying her husband when she locks eyes with Luce while walking down the aisle. The pair get their full meet cute at the reception, when they bond over a punch bowl mishap. Even as Rachel plans to set Luce up with a friend, it’s clear they only have eyes for each other.

Elisa and Marcela

PHOTOS DEAN BUSCHER/NETFLIX, CREATIVE COMMONS, HILARY BRONWYN GAYLE

Elisa & Marcela

Good news, witches, Sabrina Spellman is back. She may have defeated Lucifer in Part 2, but she still has the small matters of reclaiming her BF’s soul from Madam Satan (Michelle Gomez going full sexy Disney villain), a weird new circus in town that threatens the whole coven, and defending her new seat on the Dark Lord’s throne to deal with. Celebrated for its inclusive writing, the series brings back faves including “The Fright Club” – Harvey, Rosalind and trans character Theo (non-binary actor Lachlan Watson) – as well as pansexual cousin Ambrose (Chance Perdomo) and aunts Hilda and Zelda. There’s talk of feminism, gender identity, sexuality... but mostly there’s high school drama with a touch of spellcasting, possession and eternal damnation thrown in.

Streaming on Netflix from 24 January

Rain-soaked and panicked on her first day at college, Marcela bumps into Elisa in the corridor. Within seconds she’s whisked into a room, where there’s much towel rubbing and giggling before they’ve even exchanged names. When they do say them aloud, the romantic significance is palpable.

Finley and Rebecca The L Word: Generation Q Finley striking out on almost every woman in the bar before approaching Rebecca is weirdly adorable. She kind of begs, Rebecca calls her out yet relents, then hands over her wallet to buy Finley a drink... Traditional it’s not, but with hindsight, maybe there was some kind of divine intervention?

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Cheers to Gayle We speak to the woman bringing LGBTQI drinks to the masses

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LGBT History Month The Christian women who fought homophobia in Northern Ireland

56 FEBRUARY 2020

Cheers to Gayle All the way from Australia, Gayle is promoting diversity and equality one “cheers” at a time. And last year, it finally landed in the UK. Yes, the Aussies are renowned for cracking open a tinny, but so are us Brits. If you were at HearHer Festival 2019 you might recognise Gayle’s sleek and striking rainbow packaging. But its messaging goes beyond branding; it is a call to action to love one another and to celebrate the power of diversity.

The first LGBTQI beverage com-

SOPHIE GRIFFITHS MEETS VIRGINIA BUCKWORTH, FOUNDER AND DIRECTOR OF THE WORLD’S FIRST LGBTQI DRINKS COMPANY

pany, their ethos is deliciously queer, always brewed with love and always inclusive of the LGBTQI community.

Most importantly? It tastes good.

Gayle’s cider is made from Pink Lady apples fermented with wild yeast – not too dry, not too sweet, just the way we like it. The ale is very drinkable, too, with a strong passion fruit aroma that hits you with that first sip. Sounds pretty perfect already, but guess what? They’re both vegan and gluten free, too!

Since starting the business back

REAL TALK | GAYLE BEER in 2017, Gayle has been on a tour of Pride parades in the UK, teaming up with LGBTQI homelessness charity akt, and also flown the rainbow flag in support of the queer community worldwide. DIVA’s Sophie Griffiths chatted to Virginia Buckworth, the founder of Gayle, to learn more about the first queer brew.

What’s the story behind Gayle?

VIRGINIA BUCKWORTH: It was August 2017 and I was having a drink with a couple of my family members, just prior to Australia voting yes in the vote on LGBT marriage. Spontaneously, I said to my nephew, who happens to be a brewer in the hills of Adelaide, “I wonder if there’s a beer or cider that represents just the LGBT community”. My nephew and I said between us, “gay ale” and then that became “Gayle”. I’ve got a bit of an entrepreneurial head on me, so I woke up the next morning and thought this could actually become something. I did a bit of research online to see if there was a beer out there already that represents the gay community, rather than just putting a rainbow label on it. That’s not good enough, this needs to be represented 365 days of the year.

Did you have any experience in the brewing business previously?

My nephews are involved in the brewery business, but I only got involved through Gayle. In the 80s, I opened and started a women’s nightclub in Sydney called The Playground. I’ve been around for a while and always wanted to keep the LGBTQI message alive. For me, doing this isn’t difficult, it’s in my blood.

I had an idea and I took it and ran with it. I was lucky enough to have a family connection that could just get this up and running.

What happened next?

I reached out to a couple of friends and ran the idea by them, and tried to find out if anybody was sponsoring Mardi Gras. I got my nephew to make a recipe specifically for us and reached out to the Sydney Mardi Gras – and amazingly, before we even had a product in a can, I pitched the whole idea to them and they embraced it. They took us on as the sole sponsors and suppliers of beer and cider, which was incredible.

Have you faced any challenges along the way?

We’ve faced many challenges, especially here in Australia. We kicked off and there was massive interest and support. As much as I hate to admit it, we’re very much behind, though.

We’re not as forward-thinking as the UK and the States and I guess there’s no brand loyalty at this stage.

For me, the hurdle is that we’re not just putting a rainbow on a can or potentially on a bottle. We want to spread the message, which some were sceptical of. They thought it might be another marketing ploy, but we are far from that. We are making a stand [against] all those companies who do that and saying we’re not going to just be around at Pride month!

We’re not just putting a rainbow on a can. We want to spread a message” As part of that commitment, you work closely with LGBTQI charities. How did you come to partner with akt?

We want to help make a change. I was pleased to take akt their first cheque when I was in the UK. What they are doing for the community is amazing. We’re very happy to give back to the community and it’s amazing to see where that money is going. Michael, who I work with, got me in contact with akt. He coldcalled me while I was in Australia – he was researching if there were any companies out there that represent the LGBTQI community and he found Gayle. We wanted to get involved with charity organisations and this was the one that he was most passionate about, and I totally believe in them too, now.

What role do you think drinking plays in the LGBTQI community?

Drinking culture and the LGBTQI community in the UK go hand in hand. Alcohol abuse is very much front of mind for me and Gayle. We are looking at producing a low-al-

cohol beer going forward. Also, we actively put “drink responsibly” wording on all our marketing material.

What makes the Gayle brew different, do you think?

This is craft beer. It’s got a lot more depth and flavour because of our specific recipe. Our ale, the one that we brew here in Australia and Malton, is made from two world-renowned hops – Victoria’s Secret and the Galaxy hop. Both are made in Tasmania and Australia, but they’re now exported everywhere.

If you crack open an ale made with those hops you will get a passion fruit aroma, that comes through in taste in your first mouthful. The feedback is always that once you’ve had your first mouthful you start to think about your next beer, so it’s super sessionable.

What’s the ultimate vision for Gayle?

Our vision is just to grow Gayle. With our name, I think there’s nothing really stopping us from making anything we want. It’s all very nice to say that, but we’ve got to get the acceptance into bars across the world first, though. My dream is to open an LGBTQI taphouse here. We can have top-shelf spirits and all of the beers will be on draught. We can put it there permanently, not just lining up at Pride for a rainbow on a can. It’s just not how it should be, it should be there every day of the week. It’s a bloody good product, too – it’s not just rubbish in a can. It’s the real deal.

Okay, we’re thirsty. Where can we find ourselves some Gayle?

We actually brew Gayle in the UK now, too... At a lovely little brewery in Malton, Yorkshire. It’s slightly different because the water in the UK is different. What we did learn from the Pride events that we worked at is that a lager is necessary in the UK. We’re also now working with a distillery to make a Gayle gin. Instead of being brewed with love, we’re going to be distilled with love!

Find out more at gayle.co/europe and on Instagram @gayle_europe and Facebook @gayleeurope 57

The faithful underground RICHARD O’LEARY REMEMBERS THE PIONEERING CHRISTIAN WOMEN WHO CHALLENGED HOMOPHOBIA IN NORTHERN IRELAND

O

uting The Past is a festival of queer history which takes place annually during LGBT History Month in the UK, Ireland and abroad. An opportunity to (re)discover our past in all its diversity, as part of this year’s festival and LGBT History Month celebrations in Belfast, I will give a public history talk about some of the pioneering women whose Christianity led them to challenge homophobia.

One such pioneer in 1970s Northern Ireland was an English woman – Sylvia Sands (left). Sylvia had worked with street gangs in London in the 1960s as a Christian community worker. She moved to Belfast in 1971 and immersed herself in cross-com-

58 FEBRUARY 2020

munity peace work. It was in these early years of “The Troubles” that she formed friendships with local gay men and lesbians.

According to the Reverend Mervyn Kingston: “It was Sylvia who provided the warmth of a genuine welcome, and a safe space for LGBT Christians, hosted in the premises of Corrymeela, back in the dark times before homosexuality became legal.

She did this by... listening, by caring, by offering acceptance to gay and lesbian persons when it was in short supply... We know that such service to others comes at a cost.”

The cost to Sylvia was that some of the churches and organisations where she had been a regular lay preacher banned her as a speaker.

She recalls that: “At times it was quite a lonely position, but as the years went by, the gay community closed ranks about me like a family and their

kindness and deep loyalty shielded me from the blows that came from mainly Christian quarters.”

In the late 1970s, such was the esteem in which gay and lesbian Christians in Northern Ireland held Sylvia that they elected her, a heterosexual ally, chairperson of their fledgeling group, the Gay Christian Fellowship. A mix of Protestants and Catholics, this religious cooperation was itself pioneering during “The Troubles”. It met in an office building, not a church, because there was no room in any Christian denomination in Northern Ireland for a gathering of openly gay Christians. The Reverend Ian Paisley of the Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) and the Free Presbyterian Church had even led a campaign to “SAVE ULSTER FROM SODOMY”.

It was in this climate that the Gay Christian Fellowship (GCF) distributed a leaflet published by the English

REAL TALK | FAITH AND SEXUALITY DR RICHARD O’LEARY is the convenor of the LGBT Heritage Project in Northern Ireland.

It is based at HEReNI Belfast, an organisation supporting lesbians and bisexual women.

Gay Christian Movement which read: “Most Christians have believed and most churches have taught that you cannot be Christian and express your love for another person of the same sex in a sexual relationship. [But] it is the conviction of the Gay Christian Movement... that it is entirely compatible with the Christian faith to love another person of the same sex.” For its time, this was a new and radically affirming message.

In 1982, Rev Mervyn Kingston, an Anglican/Church of Ireland minister, was the convenor of the GCF in Northern Ireland. He was approached by a same-sex couple enquiring whether or not he could conduct a blessing of their relationship. Seeking advice, Rev Kingston wrote to the Rev Jean White, a lesbian pastor from the Metropolitan Community Church in London, a new LGBT-affirming church, who replied in a letter dated 24 February 1982: “I am enclosing a copy of

the service of blessing which we use here... We ask that the couple have been together for a minimum period of six months and that they are both practising Christians.”

Some might be surprised to discover that as early as 1982, before decriminalisation, lesbian and gay Christians such as the Reverends White and Kingston were unofficially facilitating ceremonies to recognise same-sex relationships. Christians in Northern Ireland were “doing it for themselves”, with the state taking 38 years to catch up with these pioneers, finally introducing civil marriage equality to the country in 2020.

It was in that same decade I attended my first meeting of the GCF. It was 1989. I didn’t meet any women.

As part of my subsequent research, I have examined minutes of committee meetings of the GCF, where I found this entry from 1985: “Lack of Women in Gay Christian Fellowship. Decision: Try very hard to attract them.” While it’s disappointing that more women weren’t involved in those early days, it is heartening that there is written evidence that these gay Christian men in Northern Ireland had a desire to “try very hard to attract” women, even if in practice they were not very successful at doing so.

Pioneers in the fight for the hearts and minds of those who oppose us” This gender imbalance was present in the gay Christian movement internationally, one disproportionately

made up of men. Among the possible explanations for this are the sexism of men, the desire for separatism by some lesbians and the combined effect of sexism and homophobia that can alienate lesbians and bi women from religious institutions. This has improved over time and today women hold leadership positions in LGBTQI faith organisations. However, the oppression by religious institutions of LGBTQI people of faith is not an experience confined to the past. It continues in Northern Ireland and elsewhere today.

One of the many women remembered in Northern Ireland this LGBT History Month will be journalist and activist Lyra McKee (left), who was murdered in Derry in 2019. In a TED Talk from November 2017, Lyra spoke of religious-based homophobia and said: “We need to have conversations – difficult conversations – and fight for the hearts and minds of those who oppose us.”

Christian allies like Sylvia Sands, and lesbian Christians like the Rev Jean White (left) and Mary (below) began those difficult conversations. They were pioneers in the fight for the hearts and minds of those who oppose us. It is the role of LGBT History Month to record and remember them.

For more on LGBT History Month in Northern Ireland and across the UK, visit lgbthistorymonth.org.uk and outingthepast.com

MARY’S STORY

“I began going to my local Church of Ireland church in 2000... As churchwarden, I went to church twice every Sunday. Church was kind of my second home; I loved the people and they loved me. I was single from when I started going to the church until I met someone in 2003... She came to church with me occasionally... [The rector] asked me to come down to the church on Monday evening as “some of us would like to talk to you”... People told me Satan had veiled my eyes, that Scripture was black and white, that the Bible says... that it was an affront to see me worship God. When I was told that I wasn’t welcome to receive communion any more I called a halt and said I would leave. I was disappointed, as I had been under the impression that a homosexual was entitled to be a full and active lay member of the church.”

Extract from Moving Forward Together: Homosexuality And The Church of Ireland, edited by Virginia Kennerley and Richard O’Leary (2012, Dublin: Changing Attitude Ireland)

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SEX 60

BDSM for beginners Our guide to (safely) sinking into the world of kink

It started with a sex bench. When Cara Delevingne and her girlfriend, actor Ashley Benson, were photographed carrying the Master Series Obedience Extreme Sex Bench into their Hollywood home, Gay Twitter was orgasmic. And so, presumably, were Cara and Ashley when they tried out their brand, quite literally, spanking new bit of kit later on. The bonking bench’s box, clearly displayed in those now iconic pap shots, is covered in taglines declaring it’s “Ergonomically designed for deeper penetration!” and, “Perfect for a spanking punishment!” Cara opened up about her toppy tendencies on RuPaul’s What’s The Tee? podcast, revealing, “That whole courting process of power is very interesting... I find it quite difficult to receive pleasure and love and things like that, so I love to give.”

SO WHERE DO YOU START WITH SADOMASOCHISM?

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Sexy Bits The hottest toys, tips and temptations this month

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My secret sex diary Claire shares why long-term love means the best sex of her life

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While celesbian supercouples flaunting their sex toys and discussing domming in interviews certainly gives BDSM extra cool points, it doesn’t prevent that whole area seeming a teeny bit intimidating to total novices. How exactly does one do a Delevingne?

Cara and Ashley’s sexual apparatus of choice currently sells on Amazon for a whopping (or should that be whipping) £520, but you don’t have to break the bank or install a dungeon in your spare room just because you’re curious about kink. Now, before we

FANCY TRYING A SPOT OF SPANKING OR BUSTING OUT SOME BONDAGE? WELCOME TO THE DUNGEON...

WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

get all tied up with practical advice and Shibari Japanese bondage rope, let’s clarify something.

WHAT THE HECK IS BDSM? The four-letter acronym actually stands for six words, split into three pairs – “bondage and discipline” (basically using restraint and being bossy in the bedroom), “dominance and submission” (power dynamics in sexual roles), and “sadism and masochism” (the joy of inflicting and receiving pain). BDSM is consensual sexual play that incorporates any or all of the above. This can be as simple as pinning your girlfriend’s hands above her head while you snog her, or as intense as entering into a full-time, consensual, master-slave relationship

Dungeon dictionary GET TO GRIPS WITH BDSM JARGON

Bondage. Restraining someone, eg. tying them up, restricting their movement.

Discipline. Training a partner to obey using punishment, which they may very well want to receive, eg. “If you move one inch, I will spank the hell out of you”.

Dominance. The dominant partner or “dom” gives the orders.

Submission. The submissive

partner or “sub” submits to the dom.

Sadism. Getting sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on someone else.

Masochism. Getting sexual pleasure from feeling your own pain.

Kink. Any kind of sex that is not “traditional” or “vanilla”.

Switch. Someone who enjoys both the dom and sub roles.

SEX | BDSM where your partner tells you when to eat, when to bathe, and when to mount your sex bench.

So it ’s your first time trying BDSM...

QUEER SEX EDUCATOR LUNA MATATAS SHARES HER STEP-BY-STEP GUIDE

DO IT LIKE A DOMME Searching for more information about this sprawling yet seductive subject, I turn to one of my favourite queer sex gurus, Luna Matatas. Luna is an expert in all things saucy, offering brilliant sex ed webinars, one-on-one Pleasure Coaching, and a fabulous Do It Like A Domme online course (lunamatatas.com). She tells me, “Getting started with BDSM is exciting and intimidating! We might feel conflicted about things that turn us on. We might experience shame around desires, bodies and identities. We might feel excluded by mainstream BDSM stereotypes. Lots of physical and emotional pieces to navigate.”

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SAFETY FIRST, SPANKING SECOND One thing all sexperts agree on is that consent and safety are paramount. Within the BDSM community, you often hear the term “SSC”, meaning “safe, sane and consensual”. Whatever kind of play you’re interested in, research it thoroughly in advance, paying particular attention to potential risks and how to minimise them. Before you get your ass flogged, get it on Google, check out a BDSM workshop, take one of Luna’s wonderful classes, and remember to communicate as much as possible with your partner. That means talking to each other before, during and after. It can be helpful to write individual yes/no/maybe lists, specifying which activities you’re personally turned on by, open to trying and not at all up for. Establish boundaries, share anxieties and disclose your deepest desires.

SAFE WORDS ARE SEXY Decide on a code word in case you need to stop proceedings abruptly.

Choose one that suits the kind of play you’re planning. “No” or “stop” might not work in every situation, so go for something short, clear, and incongruous like, “IKEA” or “carabiner”. Safe words don’t have to be verbal. In fact, it’s sometimes far more sensible if they’re not. There’s no point agreeing on a safe word of “Gentleman Jack’s giant thermometer” if you’re going to

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Pick a BDSM activity to explore The activity is just the vessel for the mood you want to create. You get to decide on the intention behind spanking, rope or any other BDSM fantasy. BDSM activities aren’t inherently dominant or submissive despite popular representations. Ask yourself: Q How do you want to feel while doing the activity? For example: helpless, powerful, feline, submissive or adored.

Q How do you want your partner to feel?

Q What are you anxious or worried about? Make a list.

Q What boundaries do you need to communicate to feel emotionally and physically safe?

Q Do you have the technique and knowledge of risk necessary to play safely? If no, take a class, watch an educational BDSM video, read a book or book a session with a pro. Learning how to communicate in consensual BDSM is a skill!

Start slow and simple Popular fantasies include things like spanking, role play and power exchange. Set the intention of curiosity, and if you feel like you’re overcommunicating, you’re probably doing it right!

Manage your expectations as a beginner. Don’t expect to have a deeply erotic experience the first time. It takes time and practice to get out of our heads and give ourselves permission to absorb and take up space confidently in our erotic desires.

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Build confidence and creativity by setting a scene Q Use rituals to begin and end the scene (eg. lighting a candle at the start and blowing it out at the end).

Q Get yourself ready to pivot into your BDSM headspace. What props, clothing, colours, music, words and etiquette will add to what you want to feel in the scene?

Q Prepare for aftercare – how will you take care of each other after the scene ends? (eg. cuddles, hydration, debrief.)

Q Engage confidently by continually checking in with yourself and your partner.

Communication adds to a scene, it doesn’t steal from it.

Most of us didn’t learn about BDSM in our high school sex ed, so it’s ok if it takes you some time to move the shame we learned out of the way and make room for pleasure!

For info about Luna’s online sex coaching, visit lunamatatas.com

NON-SCARY WAYS TO EXPLORE BDSM

be wearing a ball gag. In Lovehoney’s Bondage Gone Wilde YouTube series, sexpert Jess Wilde recommends using safety signals like tapping on a table, ringing a bell, or frantically waving your jazz hands.

BROACHING THE TOPIC OF BONDAGE It’s probably best not to spring a surprise BDSM sesh on your partner without discussing the matter first. Initiate a conversation about what feels good, and things you’re curious about. Be careful about the language you choose.

Terms like “bondage”, “BDSM” and “sensory deprivation” might freak them out, so opt for a softer approach: “I’ve been fantasising about being more in charge during sex.” “How would you feel about trying a bit of tie and tease next time we do it?”

More info on Contents page 3

Start small and, if you’re both into it, you can always venture further in future encounters. Dirty talk allows you to explore fantasies aloud before trying them out physically. If you find yourself tongue-tied, erotica can provide useful examples of different kinds of sexual language and power dynamics. Again, chat about what you’re into ahead of time, particularly when it comes to “degrading” nicknames. Your partner may well go buck wild when you call them a “filthy slut”, but best make sure of that beforehand to avoid unmitigated disaster and the possible end of your relationship. It’s all about communication and consent, baby. Role play can also provide a helpful framework, within which to explore. Choose scenarios with a clear power dynamic like doctor/patient, teacher/student, Cara/Ashley.

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SEXY BITS

SEX | SEXY BITS

FUSION COUPLES MULTI VIBRATOR This intriguing gizmo is designed specifically for couples, but the powerful vibrations also provide satisfaction when you’re flying solo. There are five speeds, five pulse patterns, and three separate motors, which make both the tips and base vibrate. But the biggest USP here is the Fusion’s bendability, allowing you to adjust the two prongs into whatever shape hits just the right spots for you or your partner. It’s flexible enough to be used all over the body, including on the nipples, thighs and anywhere else that feels amazing. For earth-shattering results, get the Fusion to stimulate the clit, while simultaneously massaging the G-spot or shallowly penetrating the vaginal opening. Into mutual masturbation? Twist the tips so the toy is touching you both at the same time, or up your dry-humping game by grinding with the Fusion between you. Unique and USB-chargeable, this is an ideal Valentine’s gift for your loved one or yourself. It might take some trial and error to find your own most orgasmic positions, but boy, does this gadget reward persistence and creativity.

The Fusion Couples Multi Vibrator is £65 from annsummers.com

TIP

THE JOY OF PAIRING PLAY

OUR SEX GAME Contents page 3

With the tagline, “Anything but a bored game”, OSG promises to spice up your love life with an evening of romantic, and increasingly raunchy, shenanigans. While there are plenty of erotic board games on the market, nearly all of them are glaringly heteronormative, featuring gender-specific instructions like, “Give your boyfriend a cheeky blow job”. What makes OSG special is that it’s totally gender neutral and inclusive for all kinds of queer couples. Stimulating conversation as well as libido, it’s a rewarding way to bond with your other half, encouraging you to appreciate each other, revel in the connection and chemistry you share, and explore new ways to turn each other on. There’s space for you to adapt activities to be as vanilla or as risqué as you prefer.

For an extra fancy version of the game, stock up on aphrodisiacs beforehand, fill the ice cube tray ready for impromptu temperature play, and secretly wear your hottest undies underneath your outfit. Our verdict? OSG is flirty, frisky and considerably more fun than Monopoly.

Our Sex Game is £22 from sh-womenstore.com

“Pairing” is a game-changing way to get off. According to research by omgyes.com, while just 18% of women orgasm from penetration alone, 73% come when insertion is combined with clitoral action. Simultaneous stimulation can make orgasms even more intense and enjoyable.

One woman explains, “With soft motion on my clit before and then during penetration, it creates a double whammy: the feeling of being cared for and the thrill of being explored”.

PODCAST

WHY ARE PEOPLE INTO THAT?!

Illuminating conversations centre “queer, kinky, slutty, and pervy cultures”, covering a tantalising array of topics including gothic queer culture, consensual non-consent and cake sitting (for the uninitiated, yes, it’s a thing). Frank and fascinating, this pleasurefocussed podcast is guaranteed to liven up your daily commute.

Check out the archive and listen to the latest podcast at whyarepeopleintothat.com

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SEX | MY SECRET SEX DIARY

My secret sex diary FOR CLAIRE, LONG-TERM LOVE MEANS THE BEST SEX OF HER LIFE AS TOLD TO ROXY BOURDILLON

I’m always surprised when people make jokes about sexless marriages. My wife and I have been together eight years. We’ve been married for five, we have a child, and we still have fantastic sex. The best I’ve ever had, in fact. It’s true that over time our sex has become a bit more predictable. And yes, life, work and health all take a toll. But we also know each other so much more intimately now. We’ve had a long time to learn each other’s likes and dislikes. I look at it like this: I could be having less predictable, but – let’s be honest – unsatisfying sex with someone I don’t know, or I could be having more predictable, but totally amazing sex with the woman I love. I do sometimes wish I still had the same amount of energy that I had in my early 20s, but there’s no way I’d trade that in for what I have now.

It’s hard to say when I feel at my sexiest, but I think it’s when I’m happy. When my wife looks at me with that certain glint in her eye, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. I might just be sitting on the sofa in my PJs, or dancing around in the kitchen while I’m making us dinner, or laughing with her over something stupid.

It might sound cliched, but to me, the sexiest thing about someone is definitely having that confidence. I’m attracted to people with self-assurance and self-worth.

I’ll never forget my first time with another woman. I met her at university. I’d been with my then-boyfriend for six years, but I left him to be with her. We were friends at first, then feelings started to develop. The sexual tension had been building between us for so long, when it finally happened it felt like this huge release. God, I was so attracted to her. It was super charged and intense. We used our hands and mouths. There was penetration. At first, I was a bundle of nervous excitement. Then that was succeeded by the overwhelming satisfaction of desire being fulfilled. I’m a giver in bed. I aim to please, so I suppose that makes me versatile. My favourite things are kissing, caressing, biting, and hair-pulling. It’s very important to me to communicate what I like and what I don’t. Why leave people guessing and fumbling?

For me, sex has always been about connection. It’s an expression of my feelings for the other person. I’ve never really had one-night stands. I’ve only ever slept with people I’ve been in a relationship with. But over time, the way I behave during sex has changed. I’ve become less selfish as a lover. I’ve learned to relinquish control to some degree. I’ve also learned to compromise. In a long-term relationship, it can be difficult to have both libidos matching all the time.

Want to share your secret sex diary?

Email roxy@divamag.co.uk

64 FEBRUARY 2020

When I was younger, if I found out someone had cheated on me, that would have signalled the immediate end of our relationship. Now, I’m more open with my wife about our needs. We’re monogamous and committed, but I want her to be happy. If I wasn’t able to fulfil her sexual needs, maybe someone else could. It’s something we could discuss. I’m all about openness and acceptance, not duplicity.

I’m older now, and – I hope – wiser, too. Sometimes sex takes work. All aspects of relationships do. If you want a happy and healthy sex life, you have to talk, and ultimately, you have to fuck.

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We started out 25 years ago with the creation of DIVA Magazine, Europe’s most widely read monthly glossy for women who love women, and our magazine is still going strong today. We’re proud to be such an integral part of so many women’s lives, with around 100,000 monthly readers and our digital edition frequently topping the iTunes “Women’s Interest” charts in the UK. We recently launched DIVA Box Office – Europe’s first online channel dedicated to programming for the LBT+ audience – with exciting plans to expand the richness and diversity of Team DIVA’s offering – there’s a lot to look forward to!

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ESCAPE

The Pride of Taipei EXPERIENCING THE LGBTQI DELIGHTS OF TAIWAN’S COLOURFUL CAPITAL WORDS SOPHIE GRIFFITHS

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The Pride of Taipei Sophie Griffiths visits the capital for its annual Pride celebration

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Explore Our top tips to make sure you travel on-trend

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Streets of Philadelphia Joanna Whitehead discovers the city beyond the cheesesteaks

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ESCAPE | TAIWAN In May 2019, Taiwan became the first country in Asia to legalise same-sex marriage and within the first month, over 1,000 same-sex couples acted upon their newly delivered marriage rights. This alone confirmed that Taiwan Pride 2019 was set to be the biggest and best yet, with the whole city of Taipei coming together to celebrate a momentous occasion in LGBTQI history.

Tens of thousands took to the streets in October last year, and I was lucky enough to be among the eager partygoers. Having never even been to the continent before, I had a lot to learn. From eating with chopsticks, to precise tea-drinking procedures, there was a lot for me to take in on my short trip, and I was more than up for the challenge!

All I knew was that the queer scene in Taipei has slowly started to grow, creeping on to international radars in recent years for its wild nightlife, creative design, delicious food and welcoming locals. I couldn’t wait to experience it all for myself and get to grips with the gay culture in a city that is changing so rapidly.

Being that Taipei is one of the most liberal and gay-friendly cities in Taiwan, it was no surprise that they took the lead in enforcing same-sex marriage laws first. However, this didn’t come without a fight, and Taiwan still has a long way to go until the LGBTQI community feels safe and equal. It was a huge year for the city, but the feeling of uncertainty hadn’t left in time for Pride.

Clockwise from here: One of many adorable rainbow-clad dogs at Pride; a crowd of (mostly male) revellers near The Red House; the celebrations continue at Cafe Dalida

Sophie’s trip was kindly provided by the Taiwan Tourism Bureau

TAIWAN’S LGBTQI HISTORY • Discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity in education has been banned nationwide since 2004.

• Taiwan’s first Pride parade was held back in 2003. It’s still primarily a social movement, with very little advertisement.

There are ongoing complaints that corporations offer too little support to the parade.

• On 24 May 2017, the Constitutional Court ruled that the marriage law was unconstitutional and that same-sex couples should have the right to marry, setting a deadline for the introduction of same-sex marriage for May 2019.

• Six months before the deadline, 72% of voters said no to marriage equality in a non-binding referendum.

• On 17 May 2019, lawmakers voted for a government-backed bill which defined same-sex unions as marriage.

• Despite Taiwan’s historic move, LGBTQI people are still unable to adopt children unless it is the biological child of their partner.

They are also unable to marry foreigners from countries where same-sex marriages aren’t recognised.

AN ASIAN ADVENTURE After a quick(!) 13-hour flight, where the queer scenes were removed from Booksmart (I’m pointing at you, China Airlines), I was in Taipei, ready to take in all the sapphic offerings the city had in store for me.

Driving through Taipei at night, I get a real taste for the busy nightlife and vibrant culture of the city, soaked in a neverending sea of 7/11s.

Sadly, the real exploration would need to wait, as my first hotel, Hotel Royal Beitou (hotelroyal.com.tw/beitou/EN), was located in the mountain springs, right

by Yangmingshan National Park. Arriving here made me instantly forget I was in a sprawling city just moments ago. I was in a state of pure relaxation instead.

The biggest treat here is that the hotel has geothermal heated water from the local springs coming through every tap! There’s a communal geothermal pool, but if you’re looking for a bit more privacy, I am not exaggerating when I say that the bath in the room was the size of a pool. I practically had to dive to the bottom to pull the plug out!

I don’t know whether it was the insane time difference, or the excitement I had bubbling for the day

ahead, but I was swimming in my own private pool by 5am, getting a head start on the day with stunning views of the mountains in the distance.

Our first day gearing up for Pride included some real queer delights.

Visiting the hot spring baths, known for their queer cruising potential, National Palace Museum (npm.gov.tw/en) and the historic Gin Gin bookstore, I really started to feel the symbolism and meaning oozing from every nook and cranny of the city. Everything had its own story behind it of how it has made its mark on Taipei’s culture.

GIN GIN BOOKSTORE This place is Taipei’s answer to London’s Gay’s The Word. Opened in 1999 by Taiwanese gay rights advocate Lai Zhengzhe, it’s the first gay bookstore in Greater China, stocking literature, videos, magazines, and more. A top spot for immersing yourself in the queer community.

TAIPEI PRIDE The following day, the city was set to hit peak queer capacity for Pride. Each year, the celebration has a message behind it and this time it was “together, stronger”, urging people >>>

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ESCAPE | TAIWAN you’re into that sort of thing) and your standard queer clubs.

That evening, we head for the designated gay district of Taipei, Ximending. Home to The Red House (redhouse.taipei/index_en.aspx) and Cafe Dalida, this is where the queer community join together most nights of the week, not just for Pride. There are some amazing spots nestled into the small area that you can’t miss if you’re a queer traveller in Taipei.

The National Chiang Kai-Shek Memorial Hall – one of the most impressive monuments on the Pride parade route. Below: The massive bath/pool in the Hotel Royal Beitou

TAIPEI’S ONLY LESBIAN BAR Taipei has one lesbian bar, Taboo. I didn’t get a chance to visit, but I’m told by the locals that it’s great for cheap drinks, great music and flirty gals.

HOW PROUD IS TAIWAN?

feeling in the air was different. I could sense that as positive and uplifting as everything seemed on the surface, the pride people felt didn’t translate all year round. The underlying tension surrounding LGBTQI rights in Taipei came through when speaking to local people about their experiences.

Many told me of the hardships they face in coming out to their families, transgender rights are neglected and the wider community still does not feel entirely equal.

Pride really came to life at night, showcasing the thriving queer scene in Taipei with everything from speakeasy bars, bear bars, twink bars (if

to be good neighbours and to promote greater tolerance.

Crowds filled the streets of Taipei as far as I could see to show their support and love for the LGBTQI community. I saw dogs in rainbow outfits, men wearing nothing, women openly kissing on packed streets. Sounds like your average Pride, right? But the >>>

A TASTE FOR TOURISTY TAIPEI: THE TO-DO LIST Q Taipei 101. A magnet for tourists, and with stunning panoramic views of the city, it’s the tallest building in Taiwan and definitely an essential part of any trip to Taipei. taipei-101.com.tw Q Songshan Cultural Park. Filled with restaurants, boutique shops,

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art galleries and intriguing industrial design, this is the perfect place to feel culturally enriched. songshanculturalpark. org/cms/en Q Dihua Street. Taipei’s answer to Portobello Road Market, it is perfect for a Sunday stroll. Traditional and filled with an eclectic mix of tea

shops, fabric shops and food stalls, it’s surprisingly easy to navigate the stalls full of scrumptious sights and scents.

Q Xing Yuan Tea Farm.

This family-run tea farm, just an hour outside of Taipei, is a great spot for postcardworthy photo ops wearing traditional Taiwanese tea-picking

costumes – and you even get to take home your own tea!

Q Raohe Street Night Market. The night markets are the only place you need if you want the most authentic Taiwanese food. This is one of the oldest and, like many places in Taipei, the longer the line, the better the food.

As a queer traveller, I felt completely at ease in Taipei. All the locals I chatted to had diverse and liberal views, making me completely comfortable to talk about my own sexuality. You can truly make friends anywhere and the people I met along the way made me feel so honoured to have been part of such a huge and significant celebration. But I had to remember that just like at home, I was in my own queer bubble.

Even though same-sex marriage is now legal in Taiwan, society remains divided on LGBTQI issues and there’s still so much to do. Most local people voted against same-sex marriage and there are issues with adoption and international marriage.

The younger generation are fighting against ancient traditions that not even the law can completely diminish. Taipei is a city steeped in culture and tradition, so it’s amazing that it retains such a liberal attitude for the most part.

I was also disappointed by Taipei’s lack of queer female representation; there’s a distinct lack of women in Taipei’s LGBTQI life. It’s very much centred around the male queer community, which sadly is the usual case.

But I definitely wouldn’t let that stop you from visiting as a queer woman.

The LGBTQI community is huge and extremely welcoming of everyone.

After all, Taiwan has shown the rest of Asia that progress is possible.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, after a week of trying my best, I still can’t use chopsticks.

ESCAPE | EXPLORE

If you’ve ever felt unsafe while travelling, you’re not alone. Enter the Doberman Security Portable Door Alarm. Simply hang the unit over the door handle, insert the metal clip between the door and the doorjamb (or frame) and you’re good to go.

When activated, a 100dB alarm aims to scare away unwelcome visitors and alert you to the intruder. Its portable size makes it ideal for nights spent away where the security is somewhat shaky. £8.25 excl. shipping, tinyurl.com/ DIVAsecurity

SEE THIS The best (and worst) places in the world for LGBTQI travellers Sweden, Canada and Norway have topped the list of best places for LGBTQI travellers, with Nigeria, Qatar and Yemen the worst. The study, by travel site Asher & Lyric, ranked 150 countries with the most international tourists on eight factors, including constitutional protections for LGBTQI people, whether same-sex marriage is legal and criminalisation of LGBTQI-specific violence. The research analysed data published

by Human Rights Watch, International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) and the Gallup 2018 World Poll. United Kingdom, Portugal, Belgium, Finland, France, Iceland and Spain make up the rest of the top 10. It’s worth bearing in mind that countries with hostile legislation towards LGBTQI people may be more welcoming in major cities, resorts or tourist areas. Do your research before planning your trip and check the official Home Office advice on international travel well in advance: gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice.

For the full list, visit asherfergusson.com/lgbtq-travel-safety

EXPLORE

BY JOANNA WHITEHEAD

PACK THIS

STAY HERE Located at the foot of the South Downs National Park, Amberley Castle is the ultimate place for whisking the queen in your life off their feet. With records dating back to 683AD, the castle’s history and picturesque surroundings make it an ideal destination for love and luxury. Follow up a day of countryside roaming with a bathtub for two, before reclining in front of your own private fireplace – shag rug (snigger) not included.

Prices start from £195 B&B, amberleycastle.co.uk

READ THIS British Airways has pledged to become the “airline of choice” for passengers with hidden and visible disabilities. The British flag-carrier’s CEO and chairman, Álex Cruz, has committed to including accessibility on his board agenda after signing up to The Valuable 500, a global movement aiming to make accessibility a priority for businesses. BA launched its biggest ever accessibility training initiative in January for almost 30,000 customer-facing staff in a bid to improve its service to travellers with hidden and visible disabilities.

A team of accessibility experts for customers requiring additional assistance was also introduced in September and, in October, the airline became the first to collaborate with the Department for Transport on an initiative to make transport more inclusive for those with disabilities.

GOT AN IDEA FOR A TRAVEL HACK? SEND US YOUR TIPS TO TRAVEL@ DIVAMAG.CO.UK OR TWEET US @DIVAMAGAZINE

SAY THIS Fight off the chill and make friends in Deutschland with this chatup line:

“Gott sei Dank trage ich Handschuhe, denn du bist zu heiß zum Umgang” (Translation: “Thank god I’m wearing gloves, because you’re too hot to handle”) Cute or creepy? Let us know @DIVAmagazine

JOANNA WHITEHEAD is a Yorkshire lass based in London. @MsWhitehead100 69

STREETS OF PHILADELPHIA Overlook Philadelphia at your peril.

The Pennsylvania city has grit and heart, and is packed with history, art and gays galore. Known as The City of Brotherly Love (and Sisterly Affection), the early settler William Penn named the metropolis after the Greek words for love (philos) and brother (adelphos) – the perfect euphemism for same-sex passion if ever there was one. Plus, it’s just been named as one of only two US mustvisit destinations for 2020 in National Geographic Traveller, evidence of the growing attention on this part of the world.

Despite being the sixthbiggest city in the US, it feels remarkably easy to negotiate, both on foot or using the local subway.

And strolling around the city is really one of the best ways to soak up

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JOANNA WHITEHEAD FALLS HARD FOR THIS SPIRITED CITY

everything it has to offer.

As the home of the first and oldest art school and art museum in the US (pafa.org), it’s no surprise that creativity oozes from every corner of the city. Classical and contemporary art, public sculptures and an annual design festival, DesignPhiladelphia, make this an ideal destination for

active imaginations.

My first stop in the city is the Institute of Contemporary Art (ICA) (icaphila.org), located in the heart of University City. During my visit, there are exhibits by the queer arts collective fierce pussy, plus an exploration of the “afterlife” of slavery – all with a free entry policy. It’s worth following up your culture fix at the White Dog Cafe, less than a minute’s walk away.

This eclectic, dog-themed (much classier than it sounds) establishment focuses on local, sustainable cooking to great effect – and it’s a fab place to head for happy hour drinks.

Film buffs won’t be able to resist a cinematic sprint up the 72 steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (philamuseum.org). More widely known as the steps that Rocky runs up during the classic 70s

ESCAPE | PHILADELPHIA film, it’s also home to one of the largest and most famous collections of art in the country. During my stay, I head to Friday Remix, an occasional after-hours takeover by an eclectic collection of artists, musicians and performers. Experimental and improvisational, I suggest subjects for a lift rapper, watch incredible acrobats throw themselves around the hallowed space and listen to electronic sounds in a grand and rainbow-lit great hall – perfect.

Foodies will love Reading Terminal Market (readingterminalmarket.org), one of the largest and oldest public markets in the US, housed since 1893 in a National Historic Landmark building. With all tastes catered for, from gumbo to giant breakfasts, cookies to chow mein, ensure you arrive hungry and wear elasticated trousers.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the city’s most famous food export: the Philly cheesesteak.

Comprised of beefsteak and cheese, and served up in a long bread roll, the fast food dish is synonymous with the city. While I didn’t actually try one, because I’m fussy about the kind of meat I put in my maw (snigger), I have it on excellent authority that Jim’s Steaks (jimssteaks.com) on the corner of 4th and South serves up some of the city’s best.

One of the great things about Philadelphia is that its “gayborhood” is situated in the very heart of the city centre. One of the first major LGBTQI demonstrations in the US was held at Independence Hall in 1965, in the heart of the gayborhood, with activists such as Barbara Gittings and Frank Kameny fighting for the rights of gay and lesbian people to be treated with the full rights of citizenship.

Today, it is a friendly, relaxed and fun place to explore, complete with rainbow sidewalks, dogs aplenty and enough bars and restaurants to keep you fed and watered. The district is also home to Giovanni’s Room (queerbooks.com), the oldest continuously operated LGBTQI bookshop in the US and an absolute dream for book lovers. Spend your coins at this special place, where you can also pick up a copy of the local newspaper Philadelphia Gay News – a fantastic

and free community resource.

Inspect your purchases at Bud & Marilyn’s (budandmarilyns.com), a queer-owned, chic American diner that’s a great choice for brunch, lunch and people watching (request a window seat). Order the crispy cheese curds and thank me later.

The gayborhood is also home to the city’s annual OutFest (phillygaypride.org), a free event which attracts a fantastically diverse range of folks from across the LGBTQI rainbow and a perfect place to make new friends and dance in the streets. If you’re looking for action, head to the Toasted Walnut (toastedwalnut.com), which was literally heaving with queer women of all ages when I visited.

On the outskirts of the gayborhood is South Street, home to the Magic Gardens (phillymagicgardens.org), a giant folk-art installation and community centre comprised of mosaics and other found materials. Local artist Isaiah Zagar spent years working on the project, which is a truly unique experience and well worth a visit.

History remains a major draw for many visitors to Philadelphia, with major attractions such at the Liberty Bell, Independence Hall and Benjamin Franklin Museum all located in the Old City (arrive early to avoid long queues). A gentle stroll around the old buildings and green spaces is a lovely way to spend an early morning, particularly Elfreth’s Alley – a picturesque cobbled street famous for being the oldest continually inhabited road in the US. A short walk takes you to Third Street, where you can splash your cash in an array of boutique and interiors shops, galleries and coffee outlets. It’s also home to The Center for Art in Wood (centerforartinwood.org), a fascinating space which featured an exhibit on women in woodwork during my visit.

It’s impossible to miss the many colourful and diverse murals that adorn Philly’s streets. The city started

to be decorated with giant murals back in 1984 and now has around 4,200, making it the nation’s largest public art project and the unofficial mural capital of the world. As well as being beautiful to look at, the initiative behind the scheme, Mural Arts (muralarts.org), is admirable indeed, with a major focus on community building and connecting with marginalised groups, such as immigrants and those leaving prison.

Communities can apply for a mural that reflects their area and demography and, incredibly, only 4% of Philly’s murals have been defaced with graffiti or tags, evidencing the high regard with which people view the project. I joined a Mural Arts walking tour that took me into Center City and gave me an insight into a part of Philly I might never have otherwise ventured into.

Even if you’re just passing through the city, joining a Mural Arts tour is an absolute must.

Finally: Fishtown! Apparently, this is where all the lesbians live, although I didn’t clock any major queer PDAs, sadly. It’s also home to a great time, with plenty of bars, bistros and bakeshops to explore – drop by Cake Life (cakelifebakeshop.com), a queer-owned bakery on Frankford Avenue, for all the cakes and cookies your sweet tooth desires. Front Street Cafe (frontstreetcafe.net) is a great stop for healthy plates which – along with Fishtown Brewpub (fishtownbrewpub.com), a veritable dream for craft beer lovers – has also played host to a monthly queer meetup in the city.

Despite the claims of a certain TV show, it might not always be sunny in Philadelphia, but it’s certainly a city on the rise and packed with places to explore, things to do and new people to meet. Away from the superficialities of the nation’s coastal cities, this is US realness personified, complete with friendly natives and a pulse.

Philly’s star is on the ascendant, so believe the hype and start planning your trip.

STAY

While there are plenty of options for places to rest your head in Philly, we liked the Fairfield Inn & Suites Downtown/Center City (marriott.co.uk), which sits in the beating heart of the gayborhood – perfect for people-watching and making new friends, and with easy access to all the bars and restaurants your queer heart desires. This contemporary boutique hotel comes with giant beds, flatscreen TVs and subway-tiled bathrooms. There’s also a 24-hour fitness centre for gym bunnies, too.

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Cora Harrington on why lingerie really is for every body

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Diary DIVA’s monthly pick of the best events

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Horoscope What have the stars got in store for you?

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You two have fantastic fashion sense. How would you sum up your personal aesthetic?

JUDY: Sarah has forever described me as a “fairy goth princess”.

Whether I would describe that as my personal style is questionable, but I would say it’s close enough!

SARAH: Scandinavian simplicity meets hard femme edge.

Is there a link between your sexuality and the way you dress?

JUDY: I identify as a queer, bi, femme woman in, sadly, a very heteronormative world. I wear form-fitting, figure-hugging clothing, because I love embracing my femme self. But some days, it does feel like a form of silent protest to present myself the way I feel, which is femme, whilst also rejecting the male gaze.

SARAH: I’m what you’d call a hard femme. I wear a lot of clean-cut, unisex streetwear, but I do enjoy wearing more femme clothing at times. I choose my outfits depending on my mood and if I want to experiment with feeling more masc or femme. I like having the duality between those two sides of myself. I can really play it up when I want to.

Do you have any favourite shops we should check out?

JUDY: Baby Turns Blue for vegan leather soft-kink wear, Mary Wyatt London for simple goth elegance, The Ragged Priest for sad, hot youth wrapped up in a paper shopping bag. And then there’s lots of smaller designers on my wishlist for key pieces,

All dressed in love

INSTAGRAM ICONS JUDY AND SARAH ARE HERE TO TEACH YOU THE ART OF FLAWLESS DATE NIGHT FASHION WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

Pink ladies

LIFESTYLE 76

The Lingerie Addict

Judy and Sarah’s love story began, as so many great love stories do, in gay Paris. The creative duo met at art school in the capital of l’amour and lewks. Judy’s now a stylist and independent artist, while illustrator Sarah’s portfolio includes work for Adidas, Showtime, and The New York Times.

This super accomplished, oh-socute couple loves nothing more than expressing their passion for fashion, and each other, through perfectly co-ordinated, instantly covetable ensembles. Date night dressing never looked so good.

Sarah: Sunglasses Ray-Ban Top Topman Trousers COS Boots Dr Martens

Judy: Sunglasses Miu Miu Dress Collectif Bag Vivienne Westwood

Punk rock power couple

Queer prom chic

LIFESTYLE | DATE NIGHT FASHION

Sarah: Top Alexander McQueen Trousers Urban Outfitters Boots Dr Martens

such as Clio Peppiatt and RoseCut Clothing.

SARAH: Adidas, & Other Stories, and COS – my holy trinity.

Can you offer any advice for couples who want to coordinate their outfits?

JUDY: Coordinating so that you both look good only works if you both feel good, too. Have open chats about what you each feel comfortable wearing. Make it more of a collaboration, rather than one person dictating what both will wear. Acknowledge gender roles that are often placed on to coordinating couple outfits, too.

Ever looked up couples’ Halloween costume ideas and only seen white,

Judy: Beret ASOS Belt Baby Turns Blue Top Motel Rocks Dress Lace & Beads Bag Vivienne Westwood Boots Topshop

Judy: Dress Vintage Belt Baby Turns Blue Boots Lamoda

Sarah: Suit ASOS Men Shoes Dr Martens Earring RegalRose

cis-het couples? Us too.

Regardless of who’s wearing the trousers, or if you’re both wearing the trousers or neither of you are, you are still a queer couple and you are very much in charge of how you present yourselves. Feel free to switch it up, experiment, or stay with what makes you feel comfortable.

SARAH: And if you can, just date a stylist.

Judy’s fashion advice

Follow Judy on Instagram @weemoodyjudy and visit her website weemoodyjudy.com.

You can find Sarah on Insta @sarahmaxwellart and sarahmaxwellart.com

French tuck it.

If in doubt, belt it.

Don’t waste a hot date or a good event on a non-coordinated outfit.

Never play yourself down to make others feel comfortable – be entirely your authentic self.

Sarah’s style tips If lost or uninspired, just wear black.

A good pair of Levi’s goes a long way.

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LIFESTYLE | ADVERTORIAL

All you need is...

TAIMI? DIVA CHECKS OUT THE NEWEST APP ON THE QUEER DATING (AND MATE-ING) BLOCK

Dreamt up against the brightly lit backdrop of Las Vegas in 2017, Taimi is a social app for the global LGBTQI+ community aiming to allow its users space to “express [themselves], feel safe and enjoy the easy and beautiful interface”. Intrigued? Us too. Enter Taimi’s head of business development, Halyna Virt to tell us more...

How did Taimi come to be?

HALYNA VIRT: The creator behind Taimi, Halyna Virt, Alex Pasykov, came Head of Business Development up with the idea after at Taimi recognising the need for an app that gives everyone the ability to create meaningful connections – despite Taimi starting out life as an app for gay men. As Alex explains: “When we first started, Taimi was a gay dating app, however, in just over a year, our app has grown to include a massive social networking aspect. Precisely this networking element made us understand that... we must give everyone, regardless of their gender or sexual identity, the opportunity to connect and form different relationships.”

What sets Taimi apart from other apps?

Taimi is the only social network and dating app for LGBTQI+ people – there is no other app that combines both.

Dating is just a part of Taimi, so put-

74 FEBRUARY 2020

ting it up against other dating apps on the market is incorrect. Taimi isn’t just another app for hookups, it’s a network that allows people to connect and form meaningful relationships – ranging from acquaintances to love.

the law and addressing discrimination on a global scale. We’ll also be at Pride events in Europe and North America with hopes of attending Prides in other countries around the globe!

You’re building a reputation for putting user accessibility and safety first. How so?

Taimi is localised in English, French, German, Dutch, Spanish, Italian and Portuguese, making it a global experience. The app is a safe space for all users where they can share stories, create groups, post updates in digest, video call each other and much more.

It also has several layers of verification, 24/7 profile moderation and around-the-clock live support.

For more visit taimi.com or follow @taimiapp

What’s in it for lez/bi women and non-binary people?

Since the launch of the LGBTQI+ social network, Taimi has a huge user base of lez/bi women and non-binary people.

Taimi offers customised groups, stories, discussions and news that all cater specifically to the users’ interests.

Essentially, the whole experience is about being free to openly express yourself without fear of being discriminated against, outed or bullied.

How’s 2020 shaping up for Taimi?

We’re currently in the midst of working on several major multimedia campaigns, partnerships and volunteer projects aimed at changing

YOU & ME & TAIMI LAUREN, 30 SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS

“I met my partner, Fey, 30, through Taimi. I like that it isn’t just a typical dating app, it’s more of a ‘community app’. Fey was the second or third profile I came across.

I thought she was beautiful, so I messaged her. Within 10 minutes she’d messaged back and we’ve been in touch ever since. We found out later on that we’d downloaded Taimi on the same day, within hours of each other. I’m so thankful for Taimi... Fey and I are about to move in together!”

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Cora Harrington is determined to get us as addicted to lingerie as she is

In intimate detail Since Cora Harrington launched her extremely informative, fabulously inclusive website, thelingerieaddict.com, 12 years ago, the business of bras, briefs et al has changed dramatically.

More companies than ever are

76 FEBRUARY 2020

catering to plus sizes and fuller busts, brands such as Rihanna’s Savage X Fenty are embracing diverse models in ad campaigns and on the catwalk, and labels like TomboyX offer undergarments specifically

designed for LGBTQI people. But the undie biz still has a long way to go, which is why Cora’s on a mission to educate us about our unmentionables and prove that lingerie really is for every body.

PHOTO BRIA CELEST

QUEER LINGERIE WRITER CORA HARRINGTON SHARES THE SECRETS TO BUILDING YOUR DREAM UNDIE DRAWER WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

LIFESTYLE | THE LINGERIE ADDICT Why are you so passionate about lingerie?

CORA HARRINGTON: My love of lingerie has evolved over the years. At first, like many people, I thought of lingerie as simply sexy apparel. Now I see it as a window into culture and society, and a means of self-expression.

There have been improvements in the industry recently, but what still needs to change?

Apart from the obvious, like more sizes, more model diversity, and more inclusive language, lingerie brands also need to do better with consumer education.

If you look at the beauty industry, for example, millions – if not billions – of dollars have been spent on teaching consumers about the products. The same needs to happen for lingerie.

inspired you to write it?

I felt I had something to say about lingerie that hadn’t been said yet in book form. While In Intimate Detail is, of course, not the first lingerie book, it is the first of its kind in terms of trying to make the world of lingerie more accessible to all kinds of people. And that was my mission for the book: to unpack and demystify and explain intimate apparel, especially for people who think it’s not for them.

[Lingerie is] a window into culture and society, and a means of self-expression”

Are there any particular brands that are getting it right when it comes to diversity?

Playful Promises (playfulpromises.com) is one that’s showing the industry how to do diversity right and in a way that’s not tokenising. Their campaigns regularly feature people of colour, older people, plus size people, trans and non-binary people, sex workers, and so on. It’s clear that inclusivity is important to them, and not just a ploy to get press coverage. The vast majority of lingerie brands can do much better.

How did you make sure it was as inclusive as possible?

My book uses gender neutral language throughout. There are dedicated sections for non-binary and trans folks, pregnant and breastfeeding people, people with fibromyalgia and disabilities, and various other concerns. I wanted to write a book that most anyone could pick up and find something relevant to themselves.

Follow Cora on Instagram @thelingerieaddict and @lingerieisforeverybody. In Intimate Detail is out now

Your underwear manual, In Intimate Detail, is a brilliant read. What

UNDERWEAR FOR EVERY BODY

CORA’S LESSONS IN LINGERIE TRANSFEMININE PEOPLE

Bralettes can be more accommodating to budding breast tissue than underwired or more structured bras. There are lingerie designers today who specifically make underwear with more room, like JBC Lingerie (jbc-lingerie.com), Origami Customs (origamicustoms.com), GI Collection (gicollection.co.uk) and cantiqLA (cantiqla.com).

TRANSMASCULINE PEOPLE My biggest piece of advice – if you are interested in doing this particular thing – is to bind safely. Many people begin binding with tape or ace bandages, and both are incredibly dangerous and harmful to your body. Instead, look for a company that specialises in binders. Many of my readers recommend gc2b (gc2b. co). For “everyday” underwear, TomboyX (tomboyx.com) is a popular favourite, as is PlayOut (playoutapparel.com).

GENDER NONCONFORMING FOLK You don’t have to feel boxed in by any particular presentation. One of my columnists is non-binary/gender nonconforming, and they’ve embraced buying separate pieces and sets for days they’re feeling more masculine, more feminine or more neutral. There has never been a better time to explore what is right for you. If you are interested in a lingerie brand that is designed by and for people who are gender nonconforming, give Rebirth Garments (rebirthgarments.com) a look.

PLUS SIZES It’s important to not get too attached to a specific band or cup size. What’s most important is finding a bra that supports you and makes you feel like your best self. If you wear a 38 band size or higher, I recommend Elomi (elomilingerie.com), Curvy Couture (curvycouture.com) and Sculptresse (panache-lingerie.com/brands/ sculptresse).

CHARCOAL SOFT BRA, £25 BOY SHORTS,£16, sizes XS–4X tomboyx.com

FULLER BUSTS “SELF LOVE BRINGS BEAUTY” BRA, £40, sizes 32A–44H BRIEFS, £20 SUSPENDER BELT, £35, sizes 8–26 playfulpromises.com

HALF BINDER £29.35, sizes XXS–5XL (custom sizes also available) origamicustoms.com

CECILIA UNDERWEAR, £37.35, sizes XS–XXL jbc-lingerie.com

“GIRLS FIRST” LACE BRALETTE, £26, sizes 32–48 gicollection.co.uk

If you wear a cup size of DD or higher, I recommend Curvy Kate (curvykate.com), Panache (panache-lingerie.com) and Freya (freyalingerie.com). For more budgetfriendly options from these brands, take a look at Brastop (brastop.com), the Figleaves clearance section (figleaves.com/uk/outlet) and eBay (ebay.co.uk).

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BY DANIELLE MUSTARDE

DIARY

February / March

LOOKING FOR WAYS TO CELEBRATE LGBT HISTORY MONTH 2020?

LOOK NO FURTHER… MULTIPLE DATES

IRIS ON THE MOVE

Multiple venues, UK-wide Organisers of the Cardiff-based Iris Prize LGBT+ Film Festival have confirmed their programme of films and guest speakers to tour the UK as part of #IrisOnTheMove. Featuring screenings of And Then We Danced, a story of rivalry and desire set within the world of a prestigious dance academy, and My Brother Is A Mermaid, a magical-realist story about a trans teen living in a dilapidated seaside community, this one’s worth a look, film buffs. irisprize.org/irisonthemove

MULTI P LE DATES MEDITATION MATTERS WHAT’S ON WHERE YOU ARE? Know of a soirée outside of London?

Get in touch!

We’re dead keen on featuring more events outside of the capital. Send your listings to us via email or tweet @wordsbydanielle

78 FEBRUARY 2020

West London Buddhist Centre, London A peer-run space for LGBTQI Buddhists and meditators to connect and share their practices, this class is open to all levels of experience – in fact, people new to meditation are most welcome.

An average class will begin with hellos, followed by a meditation or mindfulness practice, a tea break and then a little more meditation. It takes place on the second Friday of every month – drop-ins welcome. Donation based. tinyurl.com/divaqueerom

01.02

05-23.02

Glenogle Swim Centre, Edinburgh Fancy taking up swimming in a welcoming, inclusive and body-positive environment? Check out these free, fortnightly swim sessions for LGBTQI+ folk and allies beginning on Saturday 1 February. Wee ones are also welcome. tinyurl.com/divaswim

Multiple venues, Leicester The longest-running comedy festival in the UK, Leicester Comedy Festival is back with over 1,600 performers performing upwards of 800 shows on more than 90 stages across Leicester! For 2020 the festival is working with Time To Change, The Samaritans, De Montfort University and Leicester-based charity LAMP to produce a mental health guide to the festival, aimed at ensuring performers, comedians, promoters, venue staff, volunteers and audiences have a positive time, as well as exploring how comedy can help people improve their mental health. DIVA favourites Sarah Keyworth, Zoe Lyons, Catherine Bohart and more are set to perform. comedy-festival.co.uk

SWIM QUEER

LEZ/BI LOLS

LIFESTYLE | DIARY

08.02

08.02-21.03

TRANS FESTIVAL Bar Langley, London Say hello to “the first ever Trans Festival”.

Whether it’s your first time out or not, all are welcome here. TF will be a chance to celebrate the trans community and allies with a day full of shopping, socialising, food and drink, and panel talks – including one from trans author Juno Dawson. tinyurl.com/divatransfest

THE HIGH TABLE

Bush Theatre, London

Everything is planned, but as her wedding to Leah draws nearer, Tara’s future is thrown into jeopardy when her Nigerian parents refuse to attend. This kind of love is unheard of, they say. “It’s not African.”

An epic family drama and heartbreaking debut play from Temi Wilkey. bushtheatre.co.uk

08.02

OUTING THE PAST Leeds City Museum, Leeds Want to make local LGBTQI history? Then don’t miss Leeds’ second Festival Of LGBT+ History, a conference-shaped event dedicated to creating an international network of host cities showcasing 100s of years of queer culture and communities. tinyurl.com/divaoutleeds

06.02-07.03 NEW QUEERS

Multiple venues, UK-wide

Brought to you by The Marlborough Theatre, Brighton, New Queers On The Block was created to develop performances by innovative LGBTQI artists by travelling to cities where such work is rarely seen. Think: spoken word, film, drag, food-sharing and lots more. With Jackie Hagan (pictured), Subira Joy and Wandia Nduku, and Lucy Hutson. marlboroughtheatre.org.uk

09.02

RAINBOW FAMILIES

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VITA & VIRGINIA

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Pilmeny Youth Centre, Edinburgh Looking to meet other queer parents? Do just that in a relaxed and informal space with a baby area and plenty of games, crafts and fun stuff for the older ones, as well as free snacks and hot drinks.

Wheelchair accessible. tinyurl.com/divarainbowmeet

Egham Museum, Egham In celebration of LGBT History Month, Egham Museum is screening Vita & Virginia, which tells the story of the affair between Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf, the inspiration for Woolf’s novel Orlando. Fashionistas, eat your heart out. tinyurl.com/divavitaandv

Guernsey Museum, St Peter Port Directed by Wanuri Kahiu, Rafiki is the (really quite beautiful) story of young Kenyan women Kena and Ziki and the relationship that develops between them amid both familial and political pressures. tinyurl.com/divarafiki

11.02

26.02-01.03 28.02 POET IN DA CORNER

MISS MAJOR!

TBC, London One for Galentine’s Day, if that’s your thing. This brand spankin’ LGBTQI Meet ’N’ Mingle event is especially for 25-35s in the British Asian dating community. Expect “A group of fun, open-minded, creative and opinionated, cool singles!” tinyurl.com/divameetgreet

The MAC, Belfast In a strict Mormon household somewhere, a girl is given Dizzee Rascal’s groundbreaking Boy In Da Corner by her best friend. Precisely 57 minutes and 21 seconds later, her life begins to change. Poet In Da Corner is one to watch. themaclive.com/whats-on

Scotia Works, Sheffield Join the reyt lovely folk behind Sheffield-based organisations SAYiT and Ashiana for this LGBT History Month screening of Major!, a documentary exploring the life and campaigns of Miss Major Griffin-Gracy, who has been fighting for the rights of trans women of colour for over 40 years. tinyurl.com/divamajorsheff

MEET ’N’ MINGLE

12.02

WRITING A GENTLEMAN Portico Library, Manchester Consider yourself a dedicated Jack The Lass? Then get along to this talk by Jill Liddington, whose research into the diaries of Anne Lister inspired the BBC/HBO series Gentleman Jack. tinyurl.com/divagentlemanj

26.02 QUEER QUIZ

Kings Heath, Birmingham Birmingham’s Queer Quiz celebrates its 11th birthday with eight rounds of LGBTQIinspired questions. Join the Pink Sou’westers and find out more about their regular “inclusive, affordable, accessible, and non-scene” meetups. tinyurl.com/divaqueerquiz

RAFIKI FILM

29.02-01.03 TWIN PEAKS

The Vaults, London Comedian Mandy Tootill shares with us her Twin Peaks, a thought-provoking and inspiring insight into the experiences of a 30-year-old upon discovering she has breast cancer. mandytootillcomedy.com 79

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BY MICHELE KNIGHT

HOROSCOPE

LIFESTYLE | STARS

ARIES (21 March–20 April)

LEO (24 July–23 Aug)

SAGITTARIUS (23 Nov–22 Dec)

Aries, you wildling. Venus, the planet of love, is sizzling in your name and February brings a host of delicious delights.

Fierce AF with the softest heart, you’re an attraction magnet in all ways. Yikes, Mercury retro could bring a dalliance with an ex. Is it worth the drams?

Mars, your ruler, in tenacious Capricorn allows you to grasp your ambitions.

It’s deep, it’s shadowy and it’s filled with hidden opportunities. The first week of Feb is delightful foreplay until an orgasmic full moon enters your fabulous sign.

Expect something epic. You’re bounding around, drawn to erotic shenanigans and wild women. Be careful what you roar though, as Mercury is retro, provoking misunderstandings.

Venus has you feeling hot.

Passion is rising, and it’s steamy as hell. Be cautious who you tempt though, as Mercury is retro, potentially causing amorous mayhem. A move, a new flatmate, and lots of gatherings of fam could also feature. Take your time moving a lover in, especially if you’ve only had three dates!

TAURUS (21 April–21 May)

VIRGO (24 Aug–23 Sept)

Watch out, Mercury retro brings career confusion, so doublecheck all outgoing emails. Don’t slag anyone off, but prick up your horns and listen to what others are saying. You have the power to get everyone on side by the 23rd, with the new moon in your collaboration zone. It’s a spanking new chapter with a fresh girl gang to play with.

Yay! Silver-tongued Mercury is entering your romance zone.

Boo! Mercury is retro, making relationships complicated.

It’s most important to make sure you’re clear about what you want and who you desire.

Soooo, no flirting on the edges this month. The new moon on the 23rd brings a stunning fresh start.

GEMINI (22 May–21 June)

LIBRA (24 Sept–23 Oct)

Team Gemini is winning this month! Join forces with those you trust, and you can’t go wrong. However, if you ignore that sharp intuition of yours and give a dodgy pal a second chance, you could come unstuck. The new moon brings a dramatic desire to succeed. Look out for a cosmic coincidence pointing you in the right direction.

Venus, your ruler, is pouring love potion all over your month.

Charming and irresistible, make the magic work for you.

Avoid being self-critical. When you love yourself, Feb will slay with incredible experiences.

At the end of the month, you’ll make clear choices around your beloveds and that worklife balance.

CANCER (22 June–23 July)

MICHELE KNIGHT is a queer psychic, astrologer, broadcaster, TV personality and bestselling author. micheleknight.com 82 FEBRUARY 2020

Keep your secrets close at the start of this month. Oh, and whatever you do, don’t spill the tea on anyone else either.

Mercury is retro, encouraging you to be naughty. The full moon on the 9th grounds you and shows you who’s important.

The new moon on the 23rd inspires an adventure.

SCORPIO (24 Oct–22 Nov) Boom! Mercury is boosting your creative mojo and dousing you in optimism. The planet is retro though, so it’s a fab time to reconnect with an idea from the past. Venus is encouraging me time, giving you space to ponder how to upcycle your love life. A juicy new moon brings a romantic opening.

CAPRICORN (23 Dec–20 Jan) Unexpected love proposals, including saucy flirtations, swarm throughout this month.

Don’t throw shade on your old friends though. Cherish the old bonds, too. Powerful, energetic Mars enters your sign on the 16th, refuelling your desire to succeed. The new moon on the 23rd could spark a stunning idea.

AQUARIUS (21 Jan–19 Feb) Visionary goddess! The full moon on the 9th brings a crescendo of vibes to your romance zone. Whatever is going on in your heart will spill out, possibly surprising even you! By the new moon on the 23rd, you’re more settled and sure of yourself. Abundance and security become less of an idea and more of a reality.

PISCES (20 Feb–20 March) Woohoo, witchy womxn! We are entering Pisces season. A superb new moon in your sign on the 23rd could be a magic portal to a wish. Your words are spells, your thoughts a reality generator. Don’t expect everyone to be as woke as you though, as Mercury is retro in your sign. Don’t worry, the misunderstandings clear soon.