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Northeast Florida’s News & Opinion Magazine • Jan. 31-Feb. 6, 2012 • Your Mitt Romney Hairstyle Headquarters • 127,212 readers every week! FREE

The man behind “The Moth” brings his band of raconteurs to town to save us from the Internet. p. 33 Gov. Scott’s hypocrisy on issues of gambling is somewhere between street hustle and confidence game. p. 12

Cristian Conversion Baby-faced murder defendant Cristian Fernandez upends perception and reality in the Northeast Florida criminal justice system

By Susan Cooper Eastman

2 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

33

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MAIL The Jags are well worth the cost to taxpayers, and Rick Santorum doesn’t deserve grief for his barfly days. p. 4 GUEST EDITORIAL The state’s most dangerously powerful lobbying group can celebrate victory in a hail of bullets. p. 6 NEWS Jax Beach firefighters say their union duties have been punished with retaliation and harassment. p. 7 BUZZ, BOUQUETS & BRICKBATS Mayor Alvin Brown is all aTwitter. p. 7 SPORTSTALK Gov. Scott’s hypocrisy on issues of gambling is somewhere between street hustle and confidence game. p. 12 ON THE COVER Baby-faced murder defendant Cristian Fernandez upends perception and reality in the Northeast Florida criminal justice system. p. 13 OUR PICKS Reasons to leave the house this week. p. 19 MOVIES The polar (opposite) express: Reviews of “Haywire” and “The Artist.” p. 20

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Inside

Bruce Lipsky/The Florida Times-Union

Volume 25 Number 44

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MUSIC Pretty-boy country stars Rascal Flatts put the “honky” back in honky-tonk. p. 24 Garage rock royalty King Khan and The Shrines bring their crazy-ass show to Northeast Florida. p. 25 Legendary singer-songwriter Billy Joe Shaver wrote the book on Outlaw Country. p. 26 ARTS For NPR radio show personality Michael Feldman, “Whad’Ya Know?” is both the question and the answer. p. 32 The man behind “The Moth” brings his roving gang of storytellers to Northeast Florida. p. 33 BACKPAGE A former Duval County public school student says the first step toward saving education is ending standardized testing. p. 47 I ♥ TELEVISION p.. 11 HAPPENINGS p. 355 DINING GUIDE p. 37 NEWS OF THE WEIRD IRD p. 42 I SAW U p. 43 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY LOGY p. 44 CLASSIFIEDS p. 455

Cover photo by Kelly Jordan/The Florida Times-Union

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 3

Re: Calculating

I normally don’t write letters to the editor, but I had to respond to Bob Snell’s editorial (Guest Editorial, Dec. 6, http://bit.ly/sErQis) and Marvin Edward’s letter (Mail, Jan. 20).

Yes, we renovated the Gator Bowl. It needed it and it’s still a city asset. Remember the two feet of standing rainwater under the stands?

We would have probably lost the FloridaGeorgia game if we hadn’t.

Also, I have a totally different take on the Jaguars. They are a pollution-free company that provides sports and entertainment to Jacksonville. Disregarding the game day jobs, the Jaguars have an annual payroll probably exceeding $60 million. Multiply $60 million by the 18 years they’ve been here, that’s over a billion dollars. These employees live at least most of the year here in Jacksonville. They buy homes, cars, pools, furniture and home theaters; they use yard and pool services, get their cars repaired and eat in our restaurants.

And where does that money come from?

Most of it comes from television revenue.

That’s right — huge corporations that sell cell this is a copyright © phones and protected beer, pumping aproof billion dollars into Jacksonville’s economy. Bob Snell and Marvin Edwards may think this is a bad at 260-9770. thing,rUn but I dAte: do not. 010312

Advertising proof

our advertising representative LE AT 268-3655 sUpport

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William R. Cesery Jr. Jacksonville via email

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Cruel To Be Kind

I believe life contains a series of unique opportunities that can either be seized or silently passed over. Jacksonville has one of these rare opportunities now, a chance to put our city in the spotlight worldwide. A group of citizens, including me, has stepped forward and asked the City Council to take historic action and be one of the first cities nationwide to ban the use of wild animals in public performances.

Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus claim they treat their animals better than zoos or better than most people’s pets.

However, they adhere to only minimal standards and do not provide the type of

It only takes a few keystrokes in your Internet browser to discover countless reasons why elephants, tigers and other animals shouldn’t be threatened with violence and forced to do tricks against their will. care these animals desperately need. It only takes a few keystrokes in your Internet browser to discover countless reasons why elephants, tigers and other animals shouldn’t be threatened with violence and forced to do tricks against their will. Please do some research, and please don’t support the circus in town this month or subject your children to such a sad display.

4 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

Entire countries like Bolivia, Costa Rica, Austria, Greece, Brazil, India and Singapore have come forward and banned or restricted the use of animals in circuses.

Cities in Canada, Sweden, Finland, Norway and Australia have banned wild animal performances. The United Kingdom is currently enacting a ban on animal circuses after troubling undercover footage showed a circus elephant named Anne being bound and brutally beaten by her keepers.

Even in our backyard, we are waking up to the cruelty that is inherent in circuses.

A growing number of cities in America — including the Florida cities of Hollywood, Lauderdale Lakes and Pompano Beach — have restricted or banned circuses and other exotic animal acts. Today, the eyes are on Jacksonville! Will we do right by these animals and tell the rest of the world we are taking a stand against animal cruelty?

Less than 200 years ago in Jacksonville, human slavery was considered to be an acceptable practice. Abolitionists were told to give up on the dream of ending slavery because it was impossible. I believe that in the future, animal slavery will also be abolished and considered as disgusting and horrific as human slavery is today. Let’s take a stand now and be leaders in this movement, so when our grandchildren look back, they can say with pride that Jacksonville is a forward-thinking and progressive city.

I ask you today to help Jacksonville join compassionate communities around the globe by creating an ordinance to ban animal acts.

Let’s show the rest of the world Jacksonville is ready to evolve away from such inhumane forms of entertainment.

Patricia Lee Borgess via email

Bar None

Why the mockery of Rick Santorum visiting Pomar’s (Buzz, Jan. 17)? Just because he may have downed a few beers there doesn’t mean he was associated with the allegedly troubled clientele. If President Obama had stopped in Pete’s or Sherwood’s when he was here, would you vilify him or claim he was hip and down with the people?

Christopher M. Shea via email

Largely Mistaken

Even if we strip the At-Large electoral model of its historically relevant elements — race, ethnicity, class — Robin Lumb’s recent election to the Jacksonville City Council (Group 5, At-Large) is a textbook example of how At-Large representation dilutes a bloc of voters (Backpage, Jan. 17). Lumb was trounced by his opponent Donald Foy by more than 3 to 1 within the bounds of Group 5. Votes from outside the Group 5 district swung the election to Lumb.

Lumb attempted to justify this result in a recent T-U Point of View piece (Dec. 14).

He begins by proffering African Americans here in Jacksonville who have been elected to the council via the At-Large process, naming Gwen Chandler-Thompson and Glorious Johnson, his predecessors in the Group 5 seat. What he fails to include is that both Chandler-Thompson and Johnson

ran as Republicans, which resulted in black Republicans representing a population that was both heavily black and Democratic.

The first 30 years of consolidated government actually show one African American elected to an At-Large seat, the late Earl Johnson, a prominent attorney, Civil Rights activist and supporter of consolidation. Subsequently, no other African Americans were successful in their bids for At-Large office, which led to

We are well into a period of “regional dispute and class warfare,” as Lumb puts it, and abolishing At-Large representation is one obvious structural change that will create a more level playing field. a residency requirement being added to the charter a little more than a decade ago.

Chandler-Thompson and Glorious Johnson (who reverted to the Democratic Party after her re-election) obtained their victory margins from reflexive voting for the GOP brand by Republicans and Independents who lived outside their district.

(Jacksonville City Councilmember Kimberly Daniels, At-Large Group 1, is the first registered Democrat since Earl Johnson to win an At-Large seat. Democrats outnumber Republicans in Group 1, which arcs from Talbot Island to the Clay County border. However, whites outnumber blacks, Hispanics and others. Like Foy, Daniels won nearly all of her precinct victories north and west of the river, plus parts of Arlington and the Philips Highway corridor.)

Lumb’s opinion piece concludes by offering these rationales for diluting the vote of a minority population: 1) At-Large seats inhibit “Balkanization” of the council into regional blocs, and 2) At-Large seats provide a checkand-balance against unwise council actions.

1) It is hard to see how having five AtLarge votes on the council has inhibited blocs or factions from emerging in the consolidated era. The example that Lumb uses, a recent council vote regarding the Interlocal Agreement’s meaning, is telling, because the vote largely breaks down along geographical lines, the north and west parts of the city versus the south and east.

Four of the five At-Large members voted with the bloc from the south and east, which is a reflection of one of the At-Large representatives’ natural constituencies, the economically better-off Republican suburbs and bedroom communities in the south and east.

2) The ultimate check-and-balance on any legislative body is an executive empowered by a veto. It is the executive who traditionally channels the vox populi, while legislators are elected with the expectation that neighborhood concerns will be represented downtown, ultimately requiring

Locally Owned and Independent since 1987

a majority vote from a council with many interests to represent.

We are well into a period of “regional dispute and class warfare,” as Lumb puts it, and abolishing At-Large representation is one obvious structural change that will create a more level playing field. At-Large representatives themselves may be as wise or prescient as Lumb would have them, but the numbers don’t lie: The At-Large system of representation creates situations in which the At-Large district winner is ultimately defeated by votes from outside the district. Lawful, but not just!

Michael Hoffmann Atlantic Beach

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No Angels

Sad to say, but The Florida Theatre has now become my least favorite place to see a concert. The Gregg Allman concert on Friday, Jan. 13, was a nightmare for anyone who went to enjoy the actual music.

During the fabulous opening act — an incredible assembly of talented jazz musicians — most of the audience stayed out in the lobbies to finish cocktails, but when the band began rocking, all those folks made a mad dash for their seats during the performance.

It’s nice to sip a cocktail while enjoying the performance, but The Florida Theatre is a concert hall, not a roadhouse.

The entire middle of the opening act was obstructed by incompetent ushers mis-seating large groups of people, by people standing in the aisle waiting to be seated and by entire rows of seated patrons getting up to allow the latecomers to get to their seats.

It’s nice to sip a cocktail while enjoying the performance, but The Florida Theatre is a concert hall, not a roadhouse. Nonetheless, during the whole concert, people climbed over entire seated rows of concertgoers to get out to get another drink, basically disrupting every song. Moreover, everyone in the row behind us talked incessantly during both acts, and when asked by several different folks to stop, responded abusively.

Maybe it’s just Jacksonville audiences, but perhaps better seating and alcohol sales policies will return The Florida Theatre to the best place locally to see a concert.

Teresa J. Sopp Yulee via email

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JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 5

Shot in the Dark

The state’s most dangerously powerful lobbying group can celebrate victory in a hail of bullets

E

arlier this month, a 3-year-old Jacksonville boy and his 5-year-old sister were rooting around in a bedroom of their home looking for something to do. One of them remembered something really cool, and lifted up a corner of the mattress.

It was a gun. The boy pulled it out and held that heavy chunk of metal in his soft toddler hands. Then he pulled the trigger and shot himself.

Around the same time, a group of Westside teens threw a party and smoked a bunch of pot.

A fight ensued — and one of them pulled out two shotguns. He held them like Yosemite Sam, aimed them at his friend’s head and pulled the trigger, shooting the boy in the head.

Both victims are expected to recover, but clearly, gun control is dead. Long live the NRA. In Florida, at least, the nation’s most dangerously powerful lobby has won. The losers? Almost anyone on the receiving end of a bullet.

isn’t as safe as theirs because we don’t keep weapons in our home. I was appalled. I’m nervous because we keep gas for the barbecue pit in the garage. The idea that a gun equals safety simply doesn’t compute.

At least one of the men owns his gun responsibly. He goes to the firing range regularly, keeps his weapon locked and stored, and has completed weapons courses. The other man, who has small children, said that when he attended the one concealed weapons class required for his permit, he was told to “shoot to kill” if an intruder broke into his home — otherwise, the intruder could survive and sue him, and “take me for everything I own.”

It doesn’t even matter whether that was really said. What matters is his perception — and the perception of many, many gun owners — that killing someone is the first and best defense against anything that appears to be threatening.

Both victims are expected to recover, but clearly, gun control is dead. Long live the NRA.

6 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

Gun owners will be spitting out their coffee right now to scream that the above incidents resulted from irresponsible parents, and that the guns weren’t properly — or legally — stored.

True! Boy, now I feel better. And I bet those kids do, too.

It is so easy to purchase a gun in this state, even the few people who don’t qualify to own firearms can find a weapon through other means. Call it the “trickle down” effect. In the case of the 3-year-old, the man living at the house had been convicted of domestic violence.

And his father was murdered in a carjacking a few years ago.

“Not fair!” scream NRA enthusiasts — because, as they’ll tell you, the vast majority of gun-related crimes committed in this country involve the use of illegal firearms. (The man, like all of those convicted of domestic violence, is prohibited from owning a gun.) And in this regard, the NRA activists are correct. It’s not fair that responsible gun owners should be subjected to increased scrutiny due to the irresponsibility of others. But life isn’t fair. And if that unfairness means legitimate gun owners need to jump through more hoops in order to protect children and other victims of gun violence, bring on the injustice.

Recently, I discussed this issue with two acquaintances, both of whom hold concealed weapon permits, and I walked away dismayed. Both men insisted that my family

In some ways, the NRA-gun control issue mimics the vitriolic, stubborn debates common to Congress. The term “gun control” is now interpreted to mean “people who want to make all weapons illegal and make us defend ourselves with pencils.” That’s not what gun control should be.

We’d prefer it to mean: more careful scrutiny of people trying to purchase weapons, longer waiting periods, fewer loopholes, more education for gun owners and better tracking of serial numbers and ballistic fingerprints when it comes to sales between owners.

Will similar measures make it more difficult for legitimate gun owners to purchase weapons?

Absolutely. Kind of like it’s harder for patients to purchase hydrocodone because of widespread misuse — which is to say, it’s no big deal. But right now, it’s harder to get a passport than it is to buy a weapon.

I don’t like guns. But that doesn’t mean I want to force other people to think the same way.

Yes, the Second Amendment guarantees us the right to bear arms. But inherent in that right is a strict responsibility to know how to use them — and how not to use them, too. It’s unfortunate the NRA can’t see that, too. It must be the gunsmoke obscuring their sight.

Tricia Booker

Booker blogs at mylefthook.com Anne Schindler’s Editor’s Note returns next week.

Jacksonville Beach firefighters Shawn O’Shell (left) and Lance Sparrow stand in front of Station 2 on Osceola Avenue in Jacksonville Beach. Both men say department brass has retaliated against them for their union work.

Tweet Emotion “This is my song, y’all” — as Sweet Home Alabama booms from the speakers at EverBank Field. @AbelHarding “I really don’t get the 5 Points intersection...” @JaxMagNatalie “Yes, as a matter of fact, we do know ‘Freebird.’”

Folio Weekly’s Dan Brown “Tebow” @schindy “What high school did you go to?” @mariacoppola “What ever happened to that magazine, Folio Weekly?” Richard David Smith III — From the recent #shitpeopleinJaxsay thread on Twitter, a spinoff from the @ShitGirlsSay feed.

Cash, Glorious Cash!

Flight Simulator “He hung like a moth for a while. He struggled and struggled to free himself from the moss.

I was just trained on him, taking pictures.”

— Carol Graham Fryer, whose dramatic photograph of a redshouldered hawk won a $12,383 grand prize in Audubon Magazine’s 2011 Photography Awards. The 63-year-old Fryer took the picture in her Jacksonville backyard.

It’s Coming “Jacksonville Beware” — Title that accompanied this piece by artist Matt Hebermehl on his blog. The Savannahbased artist joins fellow Savannah artists Michael Porten and Troy Wandzel at an upcoming show at Florida Mining Gallery in Jacksonville. Check out his blog at http://bit.ly/z1GfBE

Unclear on the Concept “A Twitter chat with Mayor Alvin Brown” — Title of a video — that’s right, video — session with The Florida Times-Union in which the mayor fielded questions submitted via Twitter. No surprise, his answers consumed a lot more than 140 characters.

Walter Coker

“I disagree. You can never have too much money in politics.”

— Longtime Jacksonville political consultant Bruce Barcelo, responding to an audience comment when speaking to the Downtown Council of Jax Chamber at The University Club in Riverplace Tower.

(Barcelo was quoted in the Daily Record at http://bit.ly/A4TNnp)

The Fire This Time

Jax Beach firefighters say their union duties have been punished with retaliation and harassment

S

ince Jacksonville Beach firefighters Lance Sparrow and Shawn O’Shell were elected the president and vice-president of their local union last January, the pair say they’ve been harassed by the fire chief, yelled at by superiors, unfairly disciplined, given poor ratings on annual performance reviews and been denied raises.

Though Florida labor law and the state’s Constitution protect the rights of public employees to unionize, the 40-year-old Sparrow and 36-year-old O’Shell say their work representing IAFF Local 2622 has provoked a visceral and unfair response. The workplace has become so hostile, Sparrow has begun to question if he wants to remain a firefighter. “I live for the moment [when] I’ll be able to walk away [from the job],” he tells Folio Weekly after recounting the conflicts he’s faced in the past year. “I feel like I don’t want to be a part of this.”

According to Sparrow and O’Shell, problems began shortly after they started negotiating a new contract with the city of Jacksonville Beach in February 2011. City negotiators wanted to eliminate step raises, which reward longevity through percentagebased wage increases, and only give flat annual bonuses. They also wanted to reduce the amount firefighters are paid to work on holidays and reduce the city’s contribution to firefighters’ health insurance.

Sparrow and O’Shell responded by suggesting that Jacksonville Beach consider merging its fire department with the city of Jacksonville, which already provides fire and paramedic service to nearby Atlantic and Neptune beaches, as well as emergency

transport and backup services to Jacksonville Beach. The men say the idea was to find cost savings but still protect firefighters’ jobs and opportunities. “We were trying to meet the city halfway,” O’Shell says. Jacksonville Beach officials said that if the union membership approved the cuts, they’d look into a possible merger. It wasn’t much of a compromise, but Sparrow and O’Shell agreed to take the proposal back to union members and let them vote on it. O’Shell says the majority of the members were in support of it.

It wasn’t well-received by the brass, however. According to Sparrow, Jacksonville Beach Fire Chief Gary Frazier and the department’s shift captains, who aren’t part of the union, took the idea of merging services with Jacksonville as a personal affront.

“You’d have thought I walked in and stabbed everybody in the heart,” says Sparrow.

The men claim the department’s captains began cracking down on both them and their fellow employees, suddenly enforcing rules they never had, and writing up firefighters for breaking them. The other 20 or so union members in the department got the message loud and clear — the top brass opposed the merger — and the membership rejected the contract.

“It was voted down by members based on their fear of harassment,” says O’Shell. “I had guys coming up to me saying that they are going after the guys who vote for this. They were saying they’re not putting their neck on the line for them to make up bogus stuff on them.”

Both O’Shell and Sparrow say the attacks became personal. O’Shell was disciplined for refusing to obey a direct order in an instance

he believes was a setup. After weeks of trying to get Frazier’s permission to use a fire truck for a Muscular Dystrophy Association fundraiser, he says Chief Frazier emailed him the day before the event and gave permission.

However, O’Shell says, Chief Frazier also emailed the department’s captains and told them that he’d rescinded his permission.

After the fire truck was already at the fundraiser, a captain on duty told O’Shell to return it to the fire station immediately.

Thinking there was a mistake, O’Shell went in search of Chief Frazier’s email instead of returning the truck, and was cited for disobeying a direct order. It was O’Shell’s first reprimand in the six years he’s been with the department.

Sparrow says he, too, was disciplined for a questionable reason. He received a coaching memo that he says cost him his expected step raise, for failing to secure and lock a box of prescriptions that contained controlled substances. That’s a serious infraction, but Sparrow says the punishment came two weeks after he had last handled the box, and after at least 10 other paramedics had signed off on it in the interim. Chief Frazier warned in Sparrow’s annual review that he should not let his “passion” overcome his “strong work ethic” — what Sparrow says is coded language for his union involvement. Sparrow points out that he graduated at the top of his paramedic class and had an exemplary career and excellent evaluations until he’d been elected union president.

Sparrow and O’Shell met with city Human Resources Director Karen Nelson to complain about retaliation for their union activities.

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 7

Jax Beach responded by hiring Jacksonville attorney Michael Bittner to investigate, but the firefighters believe his role is more to insulate the city from a possible lawsuit than truly vet their complaints. Nelson says otherwise.

“The union brought their concerns to us, and we take them very seriously.” Bittner’s report, scheduled to be completed on Jan. 23, was not available as of Jan. 24.

For his part, Chief Frazier declined comment. “I don’t really know much about it,” he said, with a frustrated exhalation.

“They’re in [union] negotiation so I don’t think I can talk about anything.” City Manager George Forbes did not return a telephone message for comment.

O’Shell and Sparrow have hired an attorney to represent the union in an unfair labor practices claim, but pursuing that claim will be costly and, O’Shell admits, it might even break a small union like theirs.

“Eventually, we’ll go broke, and have no money to defend ourselves.”

The city of Jacksonville Beach has declared an impasse in the labor negotiations, and O’Shell and Sparrow say they can’t negotiate a contract when they’ll be retaliated against for doing so. “It makes you feel like you should just sign anything,” says O’Shell, “so you can go back to work and not think about things like this.”

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com

Speaking OUT “The Coming Out Monologues” — Stage show based on the coming-out stories of local lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered residents, as well as their families, friends and allies. Deadline for submissions is March 1. To participate, send your name, phone number (including whether you require discretion at that number), and a bio of three to five sentences, to jaxcomingoutmonologues@gmail.com.

© 2012

FolioWeekly

Publix grand opening, Vilano Beach, January 14

Brickbats to Clay County Manager Stephanie Kopelousos for her role in the biggest Department of Transportation scandal in recent memory. Kopelousos (see Folio Weekly’s “Scariest People 2011” http://bit.ly/t30kLS) was head of the DOT when it illegally issued more than 100 permits to a well-connected billboard company to cut down 2,000 trees on state land — a deal that emails show Kopelousos helped broker. A grand jury report released last week found that the DOT acted “in flagrant violation of the law” and cost the state and its taxpayers some $4 million in uncollected revenues.

Brickbats to Florida Sen. Stephen Wise (R-Jacksonville) for sponsoring yet one more bill to lard burdensome paperwork on public school teachers, while setting them up for conflict with parents. The bill would require K-5th grade teachers to fill out evaluation forms for every student’s parent, a measure certain to kick off a blame game full of drama, with little foreseeable benefit.

Bouquets to Darren Bryant and Andy Proulx for helping save an injured bald eagle they spotted while fishing in a creek near Blount Island. The pair saw the bird huddled in some bushes on the shoreline and called state wildlife officers.

They returned that evening and the following morning with Bird Emergency Aid and Kare Sanctuary (B.E.A.K.S.) co-founder Cindy Mosling and managed to safely capture the bird. The eagle had been shot in the left wing; the wound was as large as a human hand. Following surgery, the raptor is recovering at the B.E.A.K.S. sanctuary on Big Talbot Island.

8 | FOLIO WEEKLY | JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012

NewsBuzz Stress Test Jacksonville ranked fourth on a list of the most stressful places to live in the whole United States. Sperling’s Best Places rated the country’s metro areas by divorce rate, commute times, unemployment, violent crime, property crime, suicides, alcohol consumption, mental health, sleep troubles and the annual number of cloudy days. According to the study, there are 557 violent crimes for every 100,000 people in Jacksonville, an average 28 minutes of daily commute time, and 12.3 percent of the population is divorced. (Amazingly, the report said are 139 cloudy days annually.) Tampa-St. Pete ranked No. 1.

Promotionally Preggers In pitching possible Jacksonville candidates for a new VH-1 reality show, casting director Angela Harmon included a link to the “Saturday Night Live” feature, “Weekend Update” (http:// bit.ly/zX5EwS). Anchor Seth Meyers explains the show thusly: “A new reality is being developed named ‘Pregnant Mothers, Pregnant Daughters,’ which is a little catchier than the original title — Florida.” Any over-18 pregnant mothers and daughters who want to participate this great experiment in self exploitation should contact mothersanddaughtersExpecting@ gmail.com with phone number, email address and city/state where you live.

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Rally for Cristian When Cristian Fernandez goes to court on Feb. 8, a group of supporters will gather outside the Duval County Courthouse, 330 E. Bay St., downtown Jacksonville, to protest State Attorney Angela Corey’s decision to try the now-13-year-old Fernandez as an adult (see FW cover page 13). Forplease For story, questions, more information, go to justice4juveniles.com.

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call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 013112 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 promise of benefit

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Stroll With It

In response to the news that reality TV show “The Recovery Project” was coming to plunder Ancient City treasure, the St. Augustine City Commission unanimously passed an ordinance on Jan. 23 reminding residents that city law requires private property must be evaluated by a trained, professional archaeologist before the land can be excavated.

The city of St. Augustine is one of the few cities in the U.S. that employs a full-time city archaeologist, Carl Halbirt. He called the show “unethical” because its purpose is to rob “the city of its heritage.”

“Walk in My Shoes” — Theme of the 1,500-mile walk staged by Lauren Book throughout the state of Florida to raise awareness of sexual abuse. On Feb. 9, Book speaks at Betty Griffin House’s Rape Crisis Unit at Flagler Hospital in St. Augustine from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. and signs copies of her memoir, “It’s OK to Tell,” about sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her nanny. For more info on Book and her walk, go to http://laurenskids.org/

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hough one may think my sole talent is “monkey and poop jokes,” I’ll have you know I’m actually extremely talented in one other area: ACTING!! Before I became America’s most un-beloved TV columnist, I was a practitioner of the THE-UH-TAH. (That’s “theater” for those who don’t speak “annoying.”) What roles did I play? WELL! Ever heard of a little play called “Hamlet”?

Me, neither. Sounds dumb and boring.

HOWEVER! I have auditioned for many of the great community THE-UH-TAHS, and once came close to scoring the role of Eva Peron in the Dubuque Little Theater production of “Evita.” Ahhh … I remember the audition like it was yesterday … (Insert wavey “dream” lines here.)

I walked onto an empty stage and faced the musical’s director, producer and pianist.

Clearing my throat, I announced, “I am Wm.™ Steven Hump-Me, and I am here to play …

EVITA!” (I did that last part with an elaborate

And running off stage, I returned wearing a huge marching band bass drum, which I began loudly banging while skipping around the stage singing, “I feeel pretty! OH! So pretty! I feeeel pretty and witty and GAAAAAAY! And I pity ….” hand flourish.) Guess I’d yet to impress them, because I heard the director mumble, “OK, Mister … ‘Hump-Me,’ was it? Let’s start with a song. Do you need accompaniment?”

“Ohhhh, no, no, no, NO!” I laughed. “I brought my own!” And running off stage, I returned wearing a huge marching band bass drum, which I began loudly banging while skipping around the stage singing, “I feeel pretty!

OH! So pretty! I feeeel pretty and witty and GAAAAAAY! And I pity ….”

That’s as far as I got with that particular audition. Obviously my talent was too huge for Dubuque.

Anyhoo, I was reminded of my glory days in the THE-UH-TUH after watching the first episode of “Smash” (debuting Monday, Feb. 6, 10 p.m.). Produced by Steven Spielberg, this dishy series revolves around the backstage antics of a Broadway musical, and … WAIT! DON’T WALK AWAY YET! It’s not as godawful as it sounds! Debra Messing stars as … WAIT! STOP WALKING AWAY! Give me a sec! Messing is half of a Broadway songwriting duo penning a musical about Marilyn Monroe, and … OK, FINE. WALK AWAY. This is waaaay too hard to defend.

For those still reading (thank you, btw), before Messing and Co. can get their project off the ground, they battle a money-hungry

producer (Anjelica Huston), a temperamental/ horny director (Jack Davenport), TWO competing actresses (Megan Hilty, Katharine McPhee) and a world (The World) who thinks it’s just the most terrible idea ever.

HOWEVER! Turns out, “Smash” is a deadon account of the petty backstage shenanigans that transpire on Broadway — and to a lesser degree, theaters across the USA. Its characters are hilariously earnest, the music is good, and everything’s super-glitter-coated with a heapin’ helpin’ of GAY (in a good way). If you can make it past the first 20 minutes, there’s a good chance you’ll be hooked on its soapy charms.

So unless you’d rather dig your eyes out with a rusty railroad spike than watch anything that has to do with the THE-UH-TUH, give “Smash” a shot.

(It’s better than me skipping around, banging a bass drum and singing “I Feel Pretty.”)

TUESDAY, JANUARY 31 8:00 FOX GLEE The Glee-tards take on the music of Michael Jackson. (OMG! Hasn’t he suffered enough?!?)

10:30 COM KEY & PEELE Debut! Funny guys and MadTV alums KeeganMichael Key and Jordan Peele star in this new sketch comedy gig.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 8:00 CBS SUPER BOWL’S GREATEST COMMERCIALS Because homophobic Snickers’ ads are SOOOOOO FUNNY!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2 8:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Leslie vows to get Ann a date for Valentine’s Day … or … or … something else will happen!!

11:00 MTV I JUST WANT MY PANTS BACK Debut! A 20-something NYC slacker on a quest to retrieve his favorite pair of pants from a onenight stand.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 3 9:00 NBC GRIMM Nick discovers a black market scheme that provides monsters with human organs. Umm … hello? That’s called “capitalism.”

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 4 10:00 DIY THE VANILLA ICE PROJECT Vanilla Ice and crew redesign a kitchen. “Yo, VIP! Let’s kick it with a granite countertop.”

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Hosted by hunky (if not too likable) Channing Tatum!

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 5 3:00 NBC SUPER BOWL Madonna will be singing! (And apparently there’s some sort of “football game” on as well.)

10:00 NBC THE VOICE Season premiere! Xtina and the gang return for another season of promoting the careers of people who will never become famous.

The event will celebrate and honor the work of the current Riverkeeper, Neil Armingeon, who is stepping down in 2012. The evening will feature musical luminaries Van Dyke Parks and Billy Joe Shaver. Parks has a lengthy list of credits as a composer, arranger, producer and musician. He is, perhaps, best known for his collaborations with the Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson. Shaver is a fabulous honky-tonking country outlaw, whose songs have been recorded by Widespread Panic, Marty Stuart, Elvis Presely, Bob Dylan, Allman Brothers, Robert Earl Keen, Waylon Jennings, Alison Krauss, Emmylou Harris, Jerry Lee Lewis, Patty Loveless, Willie Nelson & Johnny Cash, just to name a few. Come see these true American originals as we celebrate Neil Armingeon — an incredible asset to our city and a tireless advocate for the St. Johns!

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 6 10:00 NBC SMASH Debut! It’s like “Glee” except 40 percent less annoying and 63 percent more “gay.” (In a good way!)

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey steve@portlandmercury.com JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 11

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know of a convenience store in St. Johns County that has slot machines. Now, I’m not saying I play them — I like to think I know rigged games when I see them, and I wouldn’t be quite so fabulously wealthy if I didn’t know to stay away from them. But I’ve seen the machines, and talked to those who use them, and have a good sense of how these particular slots work.

The theory is simple. The machine doesn’t pay out in cash, but in phone cards — the kind one might buy if he were a recent immigrant wanting cheap rates to call people in the homeland. The device has a densely worded list of conditions in 8-point type — thus discouraging close reading, which is fine, because slot jockeys typically aren’t in bookworm mode. But what it boils down to is this: If one wins, one gets paid in phone cards … which can then be exchanged for full cash value at the convenience store’s counter.

Is this legal? Is it “technically” illegal? Is it actionable? Is it worthy of the finite time and resources of law enforcement to shut down things like convenience store slots, Internet cafés and other microbusinesses that — at least to my untrained eye — resemble classic setups for money-laundering operations. Who knows who owns these phone-card operations and these slot machines? They seem like really expedient ways to legitimize dirty cash, though.

If one made money from trafficking of some type, it would stand to reason that money could be funneled through the clean realm of phonecard gambling.

These kinds of slots — micro-casinos, for lack of a better term — coupled with the metastasizing scourge of “Internet cafés,” have created myriad problems for the Florida state legislature and our Cheneyesque governor Slick Rick Scott. Slick Rick doesn’t “believe that the Internet locations are legal or should be legal,” though a cynic might add that he’d change his mind if pain clinics were incorporated into the spots.

Others — including local legislators like Republican Charles McBurney — echo Scott’s purported concerns. “It’s gambling,” he said last month. “You look at it — it’s gambling.”

So what? We live in a state with an apparently “conservative” governor, who has plenty of henchmen in the legislature. All these cats ran on small government lines. But when it comes to passing legislation — specifically ones that abrogate civil liberties — they act like ex-cons in strip clubs: There’s nothing on offer that they don’t want. And we the people, whose liberties they theoretically want to protect in the grand tradition of Dutch Reagan and Barry Goldwater, suffer, while they hire more paramilitary goon squads — or, if you prefer, cops.

There’s a SWAT team on every block now, and with good reason. More laws to enforce than ever before. The targets — softer than ever. Hard to find easier marks to terrorize and bully than those old, decrepit folks who take their disposable money (such as it is) and invest it in gambling. Why are they there? The answer is obvious. In this atomized world,

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where so many elderly people are left to live out their final days in solitude until they die alone in their beds or in hospice, people need entertainment. “The Price Is Right” comes on only once a day. And yeah, the Internet cafés are sordid, sad and sucky — but for an 80-yearold man who otherwise might be trapped in his house talking to pictures of his dead wife, they at least afford a modicum of entertainment.

Our Cheneyesque governor Slick Rick Scott doesn’t “believe that the Internet locations are legal or should be legal,” though a cynic might add that he’d change his mind if pain clinics were incorporated into the spots.

Gambling opponents are at cross-purposes, which casts serious doubt as to the legitimacy of their arguments. Dog tracks are OK. Jai alai is — or was — superfly. Powerball is electric.

Five is more than a number – it’s a fantasy.

And don’t even get folks started on the “super casinos” proposed in South Florida, which have put lawmakers in the crosshairs between the cash mafia and the mouse.

If the state gets its cut, then all is well — as long as we don’t ask where the money goes.

Remember how those lotteries were supposed to benefit schools? Go to some of what passes for DCPS — they have Jethro Bodine technology, and pubescent students who can’t read at a third-grade level. Where did the lottery money go?

The real solution to this issue is for Scott and his acolytes to reverse course. Let’s make Florida a gambling mecca. Sportsbooks, roulette wheels, poker rooms — let’s do it all.

Let’s welcome vice and tax the hell out of it.

Let’s get government out of the duplicitous business of legislating morality, and into the business of capitalizing on the weakness of those who offer themselves up like sacrificial lambs to the gaming Gods.

AG Gancarski themail@folioweekly.com

Bruce Lipsky/The Florida Times-Union

Cristian Fernandez sits in the first row at first court appearance in June 2011 — the only juvenile in a sea of adults, wearing orange to signify that he’s a juvenile offender.

Cristian Conversion

Baby-faced murder defendant Cristian Fernandez upends perception and reality in the Northeast Florida criminal justice system

By Susan Cooper Eastman

A

t Kernan Middle School on Monday, March 14, a sixth-grade teacher marked Cristian Fernandez with an unexcused absence. The 12-year-old was a straight-A student and known as a quiet kid who kept to himself. But no one knew, and few could have imagined, the adult responsibilities he shouldered at home.

That Monday, his mother, Biannela Marie Susana, left three younger siblings in his care — 2-year-old David, 4-year-old Lyanna and 5-year-old Luis. Cristian Fernandez would later tell a psychologist that his mother frequently left him in charge of the other children, although he was careful not to say anything that would make her sound like a bad mom. Sometime that morning, in the bedroom of their Southside apartment, Cristian got angry at David, and he punished him for it violently. Fernandez told the psychologist he rammed his brother’s head against a bookshelf in the bedroom. When the toddler fell to the ground, Fernandez picked him up and rammed him into the bookshelf again. After the outburst, Fernandez seems to have recovered himself and switched back to the role of caretaker — a pattern familiar to victims of abuse. He told police he carried his little brother — unconscious and bleeding — to the lower bunk bed in their bedroom, and then called his mother.

Susana brought David to St. Luke’s Hospital at 5:30 that evening. Doctors there had him airlifted immediately to Shands Jacksonville, but they didn’t expect him to survive. His skull was fractured and his brain had been bleeding for hours. After two days on life support, doctors removed David from the machines.

Police investigators appeared to blame Susana for the child’s death. They noted that

she’d left the toddler in Fernandez’s care despite knowing he’d been violent before with the toddler. (Cristian had broken David’s leg last January, and the toddler was still wearing a blue cast from his hip to his ankle when he died.)

Police also noted that Susana waited two hours to seek medical help for her son (investigators later determined it was more like five hours), even though immediate medical care might have saved his life.

But State Attorney Angela Corey didn’t see things quite as police did. She charged Susana with aggravated manslaughter, but saved the big guns — charges of first-degree murder and aggravated child abuse — for 12-year-old Cristian. She announced she would prosecute the boy as an adult, and in June, a grand jury gave her what she sought — an indictment on both charges. It gave him the dubious honor of being the youngest person charged with firstdegree murder in Jacksonville history.

After the indictment, Corey ordered Cristian moved from juvenile detention, where he’d been held since March, to the Duval County Jail. There, he was placed in an isolation cell “about the size of a lawn shed,” one reporter noted, for 23 hours a day.

The move, prosecutors argued, was needed to ensure the safety of inmates at the juvenile facility. “If I were the parents of a kid charged with petty theft,” said Assistant State Attorney Mark Caliel, “I would be outraged if someone charged with first-degree murder were there right beside them.” He cited a report by a forensic psychologist that said that Fernandez scored “high risk” for future violence and insisted the only appropriate place for him was isolation in the adult jail.

Corey echoed the sentiment, and her office

fought efforts by Cristian’s lawyers to return him to juvenile custody. As she told one TV reporter, “We have to protect the public from this young man.”

T

he Fernandez case began just as Corey was gearing up to seek a second term as state attorney for the Fourth Judicial District. In both her first campaign and her years in office, she’s built a reputation for being tough on crime (she once jokingly said she’d put her own mother in jail if she broke the law).

That tough talk played well in a city reeling from years as Florida’s murder capital.

Corey led the state this year in death penalty convictions. She nearly doubled the number of juveniles tried as adults her first year in office. She abolished a popular juvenile justice program implemented by her former boss, Harry Shorstein, which offered serious juvenile offenders an opportunity for rehabilitation, and won praise from both The New York Times and CBS’ “60 Minutes.” (Corey’s chief assistant called the program “dangerous and detrimental to the community.”) By getting tough on young offenders, Corey would make Jacksonville streets safe again.

But the Cristian Fernandez case flipped the script. Images of the 5-foot-1-inch, doughyfaced kid, shackled and handcuffed, quickly became an international symbol — not of the need to get tough on crime, but the utter failure of Child Protective Services and the juvenile justice system. News reports from the Philippines to Australia excoriated Corey for prosecuting Cristian as an adult, and petitions, Facebook pages and form letters cropped up across the Internet.

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defended her decision. But by October, she was hedging that aggressive posture. She promised to offer Cristian a plea deal, and insisted he wouldn’t have to stand trial or face a lifetime in prison.

“No one’s ever talked about a trial,” she said at a press conference called to address the backlash. “No one’s ever talked about life in prison.”

According to state law, however, the only allowable punishment for first-degree murder is life without parole (or death, if the accused is older than 18). And some find Corey’s claim that she intended something other than the mandatory sentence disingenuous.

“It’s inconsistent,” says one longtime criminal defense attorney not involved in the case, who declined to be quoted on the record since he will have to face Corey in the courtroom.

“And it doesn’t comport with her subsequent motions.” The lawyer notes that soon after plea negotiations failed, Corey sought a second indictment — this time for capital sexual battery in a case involving Fernandez’s 5-yearold brother. The maximum sentence for that crime is life in prison.

The idea of a life incarceration for teens — even those accused of terrible crimes — has grown increasingly suspect in recent years.

In part, that’s because of an evolving body of research that shows adolescent brains are fundamentally different than those of adults, with reasoning and judgment abilities that don’t mature until the mid-20s. Developing brains make teens more impulsive, aggressive and susceptible to peer pressure. However, as the brain grows, those behaviors moderate; as many as three-quarters of violent youths simply “grow out of it.”

Such findings have prompted even the conservative U.S. Supreme Court to mitigate harsher punishment for juveniles. In 2005, the court ruled 5-4 to abolish the death penalty for anyone under the age of 18, saying it violated “evolving standards of decency.”

Justice Anthony Kennedy, writing for the majority, said that juveniles aren’t as culpable for their actions because they “are vulnerable to influence, and susceptible to immature and irresponsible behavior.” Last year, the court also abolished life sentences without the possibility of parole for juveniles who commit nonhomicidal offenses. The case the court heard involved Terrance Graham of Jacksonville,

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14 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

who was sentenced to life in prison for an armed burglary he committed at 16. The justices ruled the sentence violated Graham’s 14th Amendment protections from cruel and unusual punishment.

The court hasn’t yet addressed whether a life sentence is appropriate in a homicide case, but a ruling is coming. In November 2011, the court agreed to hear two cases involving juveniles convicted of murder who

The Fernandez case “reflects the politics of Jacksonville’s past,” says pediatrician and child advocate Dr. Jeffrey Goldhagen. “Cristian is in a situation that violates every accepted human rights standard in the world.” were sentenced to life without parole. Lawyers representing the teenagers argue that “fatal acts committed by a child of 13 or 14” are no less impulsive or poorly reasoned than non-fatal acts, and should therefore be informed by the court’s previous ruling.

The combination of case law and scientific research is forcing some states to revisit tough juvenile punishments imposed in the 1990s, following a spike in juvenile homicides between 1985 and 1994, when more than 30 states, including Florida, began prosecuting juveniles as adults. Reports on a generation of so-called “super-predators” fanned the flames of hysteria, and many lawmakers built reputations as being tough-on-youth-crime. Future Attorney General Bill McCollum summed up the view in 1997 when he sponsored a bill in the U.S. House that would have allowed kids as young as 13 to be tried as adults in federal court. “In America today,” he intoned, “there is no greater threat to public safety than juvenile criminals.”

Contrary to such fear-mongering, juvenile crime actually dropped over the subsequent decade (along with other crime), and many states have moved away from more severe penalties. The same is not true in Northeast State Attorney Angela Corey initially made the case that keeping Cristian in adult lockup was necessary for the safety of the community and the juvenile offenders with whom he might otherwise be housed. “We have to protect the public from this young man.”

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Matt Shirk has continued to be the public face of the defense team, but he’s been joined by a dream team of lawyers that some liken to the arrival of the cavalry — and not a minute too soon.

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Florida. If anything, the tough-talking Corey has bucked the trend, increasing the number of teens prosecuted as adults (see “Age Inappropriate,” FW Cover Story, Dec. 8, 2009, http://bit.ly/AlX5wh).

For Jeffrey Goldhagen, chief of community pediatrics at the University of Florida College of Medicine-Jacksonville and former director of the Duval County Health Department, the Fernandez case represents a seminal moment in Northeast Florida. “It reflects the politics of Jacksonville’s past,” he wrote in a furious letter to The Florida Times-Union, “and establishes a dangerous precedent that will stain our community for decades to come.”

Speaking to Folio Weekly, Goldhagen adds, “Cristian is in a situation that violates every accepted human rights standard in the world as it relates to the involvement of children in the justice system.”

I

f the Cristian Fernandez case has produced some surprises for the State Attorney’s Office, it’s proved downright tumultuous for the Public Defender. Shortly after Corey won the first indictment, a group of high-powered criminal defense attorneys began meeting and discussing strategy. Not legal strategy, but political and interpersonal strategy — essential to accomplishing their planned, unsolicited intervention in the case.

None of the lawyers would speak to Folio Weekly about the case, or their decision to get involved. But several months ago, the group approached Public Defender Matt Shirk and told him they wanted to help. In early December, Fernandez’s legal team expanded to include some of the most prestigious defense lawyers in the region: Hank Coxe, Buddy Schulz, Don Anderson and Melissa Nelson. The team also includes Civil Rights attorney E. Gray Thomas and criminal appellate attorney Bryan Gowdy (the lawyer who successfully argued the Graham case before the U.S. Supreme Court).

The group has kept a low profile, and Shirk has continued to be the public face of the defense team, but to most observers, the lawyers’ appearance on the scene was the arrival of the cavalry — and not a minute too soon.

Matt Shirk is an unusual kind of public defender, having never defended a murder case before his election. When he ran for office in

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2008, he wasn’t even 10 years out of law school (he attended Florida Coastal School of Law, on the city’s Southside) and had no prior elective experience. His one advantage was running as a Republican in an overwhelmingly red district, and having the support of other GOP stalwarts, like Sheriff John Rutherford and Angela Corey.

Shirk displaced Public Defender Bill White, who’d been with the office 34 years.

After he arrived, Shirk cleaned house. As Folio Weekly reported at the time (“Courting Disaster,” Dec. 16, 2008, http://bit.ly/t9As4N), he fired 10 lawyers with a collective 300 years experience, including such legendary defense attorneys as Al Chipperfield, Susan Yazgi, Ann Finnell and Pat McGuinness (the latter two from the landmark Brenton Butler case, in which they not only exonerated their falsely accused client, but were the stars of an Oscarwinning documentary). The result of Shirk’s housecleaning was a weakened PD’s office, one ill-equipped to deal with the surge of death penalty cases brought by Corey, to say nothing of the caseload that resulted from her aversion to plea deals.

For observers in the legal community, the Cristian Fernandez case brought concerns about weaknesses at the Public Defender’s Office to the fore. Some of those concerns were sparked by gaffes. Early on, as First Coast News reported, Assistant Public Defender Rob Mason “admitted his client should be off the streets for now,” telling a reporter, “Right now, probably society wouldn’t be safe.”

“The thought was, the public defender just really isn’t doing this child a service,” explains one attorney not involved in the case. “He’s a recent grad, and he’s never tried an important case, and this is probably the most sensational case in city history.”

There were also concerns about the close friendship between Shirk and Corey.

During their simultaneous campaigns, Shirk was known as Corey’s “protégé” whom she sometimes referred to as her “darling.” After the election, a Shirk spokesperson inexplicably referred media inquires to Corey; she also was involved in staffing (and firing) decisions.

More recently, Corey herself hosted the kickoff party for Shirk’s re-election campaign, held at the home of one of the state GOP’s biggest rainmakers, Mike Hightower. (“It’s My Party,” Folio Weekly, Dec. 20. http://bit.ly/wLLHnV)

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“It has the appearance of coziness,” says Al Chipperfield, now an assistant public defender in Gainesville. “It looks funny. It feels funny. It makes you wonder if they are going to be adversaries.”

Talbot “Sandy” D’Alemberte, former president of Florida State University, former dean of the FSU law school and former president of the American Bar Association, agrees. “I must say that does concern me,” he says. “I try to put myself in the position of a client of the public defender. What in the devil would they think?” (Neither Shirk nor Corey returned phone calls for this story.)

For the group of defense attorneys that decided to intercede on Cristian’s behalf, the intervention was a delicate matter. They felt

now think Corey miscalculated when she chose to seek adult punishment for the 12-yearold. Corey insists she will not be swayed by petitions, but has acknowledged feeling conflicted about the case. She told TimesUnion columnist Mark Wood how she went to Fernandez’s first appearance in juvenile court to get a look at the person who killed David, and was surprised at how childlike he was. “He looked so baby-faced,” she recalled. After he was indicted, Corey added, “everyone should pray that this young man can be salvaged.”

Given Cristian’s troubled past, salvaging his future will be difficult at best. In the weeks following David’s death, a sad and violent family story emerged. Susana gave birth to Cristian when she was just 12, having been

Concerns about the capabilities of the public defender’s office prompted several top local attorneys to join Cristian’s defense team. “He’s a recent grad, and he’s never tried an important case, and this is probably the most sensational case in city history.” compelled to help the boy, but needed to do it without alienating Shirk, or risk making him lose face. The lawyers also had to downplay what is an otherwise extraordinary legal collaboration. While private attorneys are sometimes appointed by the courts, and many work pro bono, it’s almost unheard of for a group of lawyers to insert themselves into a case without being asked. As one prominent member of the legal community notes, such a move would never have been necessary in the pre-Shirk era, when the office was home to the most experienced defense attorneys around.

It’s not clear that Shirk is happy about the intervention. “Matt would probably feel better if they weren’t there,” concedes one local lawyer. “But he can’t turn them down. They’re bright people, and he doesn’t want to screw up this case.”

A

s attention to the Cristian Fernandez case has intensified, motions from the Public Defender’s Office have grown more sophisticated and more impassioned. In arguing that Cristian should be moved from isolation, Shirk cited a New York state case from 1970 in which a judge ruled that, “to confine a boy without exercise, always indoors, almost always in a small cell, with little in the way of education or reading material, and virtually no visitors from the outside world, is to rot away the health of his body, mind and spirit.”

Shirk further observed that every study of solitary confinement for a period longer than 10 days found it led to “hypertension, uncontrollable anger, hallucinations, psychosis, chronic depression, suicidal thoughts and behavior, sleep disturbances, impaired cognition, anxiety, hostility.” “It is,” Shirk wrote, “serving no purpose other than punishment.”

Fernandez has been back in the Duval County juvenile detention facility since June 24, when Judge Donald R. Moran ordered him returned there from the adult jail after 21 days in isolation.

Public sentiment has also been increasingly sympathetic to Cristian — a petition seeking to force the case back to juvenile court has garnered some 177,000 signatures — and some

16 | FOLIO WEEKLY | JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012

impregnated by a 20-year-old “boyfriend.” Both Susana and Cristian were placed in the custody of the Department of Children and Families when Susana was 14, after 2-year-old Cristian was found wandering naked in a motel parking lot while his grandmother smoked crack in one of the rooms.

Cristian’s life didn’t improve when Susana married Luis Galarraga-Bianco. Police say the boy was brutally beaten by his stepfather, arriving at his Miami elementary school in October 2010 with an eye so swollen that school officials sent him to the hospital to check for retinal damage. When police went to the family’s Hialeah apartment to arrest Galarraga-Bianco, he shot himself in the head with a 9mm handgun in front of his three small children. Police found young David in a back bedroom, cowering and covered with blood.

Given the household in which he lived, Cristian’s alleged violence toward his younger brother may not be surprising. But the toddler’s death almost certainly could have been avoided. When police examined two laptops that sat open on the family’s breakfast bar, they found that one had been used to research concussions. The first search for “when some[one] gets knocked out” occurred at 10:54 a.m. Another search at 2:15 p.m. was for “when your unconscious for hours.” Susana changed David’s clothes and put ice on his head. She told police she was hoping he would wake up. But while she researched concussions, she also added time to her phone card, checked her bank account, searched for screensavers, downloaded music and surfed YouTube. She told police she waited two hours before seeking help, but she didn’t take David to the hospital until six hours after the first Google search.

Dr. William Meadows, the forensic psychologist whom the State Attorney’s Office brought in to assess Cristian’s mental state, stressed that although the boy’s attack on his brother was serious and violent, he “cannot conclude that it was premeditated, planned or sophisticated. Rather the event seemed to be impulsive in nature.” He determined the boy a good candidate for rehabilitation, saying, “The youth has the intellectual ability to benefit from rehabilitative intervention

that targets his anger management problems, impulsivity, deceitfulness, depression and psychological dysfunction related to a history of having been abused physically and sexually.

He has the resources to benefit from a behavior modification program.”

He also noted that although DCF had identified Cristian as both a victim and an aggressor, “there was a surprising lack of intervention in his life.”

But given the failure of the state’s child protection system, some — Corey included — question the rehabilitative abilities of the state juvenile justice system. Corey insists that the system’s oversight is inadequate, since it could only hold Fernandez for two years; however, the Southern Poverty Law Center disputes her claim. Policy director David Utter weighed in on the case, asserting that the juvenile system has broad discretion to hold juveniles until they are 21 if it chooses. “More importantly,” Utter wrote, “the juvenile system promotes treatment and rehabilitation — including requiring mental health treatment where necessary — while the adult system simply does not.”

Regardless of the sentence Cristian Fernandez receives, the boy — who turned 13 on Jan. 14 — is clearly moving into adulthood with impossible baggage. Even those who fervently want to help him concede he faces long odds. But his case is about more than just one child, or even one destroyed family.

According to Sandy D’Alemberte, the Cristian Fernandez case has become a national touchstone, “notorious among people who are concerned with juvenile justice.” The outcome, he says, speaks volumes, not only about the fate of one child, but also about the heart of the community. Commenting on Fernandez’s shackles and handcuffs during court appearances, he says, “What in the hell is that state attorney over there thinking?” He’s silent for a moment, then adds, “I don’t know, but some of your people over there are giving Jacksonville and Duval County a bad name.”

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com Kelly Jordan/The Florida Times-Union

Cristian is led out of the courtroom by bailiffs.

JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 17

18 | FOLIO WEEKLY | JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012

Reasons to leave the house this week CLOTHES-MINDED JAX FASHION WEEK

“Work it, Bubba! Sashay, Pace.” While Folio Weekly is known more for stabbing our steely knives into the beast of NEFla’s cultural zeitgeist, we’re also snobby fashionistas! So don’t be surprised if you see FW staffers dressed to the nines in our trendsetting Bedazzler™-modified “Forever Lazy™” cloaks at First Coast Fashion Week, held on Friday, Feb. 3 and Saturday, Feb. 4 at 7 p.m. at The New Downtown Garage, 116 N. Pearl St., Jacksonville. The inaugural event features cocktails, live music by DJ Catharsis and the latest threads from more than a dozen local designers. Tickets are $30; $65 VIP. Two-day passes are $50 in advance (before Feb. 1). For a schedule and to get tickets, go to firstcoastfashionweek.com.

THEATER TYLER PERRY PLAY

Oh, the drama! The musical play “The Haves and the Have Nots” follows the life of a superficial, wealthy family who realize all that glitters is not gold when they meet a poverty-stricken family.

This latest from writer-director-producer-heavilyhyphenated-Oprah-fave Tyler Perry (he of, among other things, “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”) stars Palmer Williams (“House of Payne”), Patrice Lovely, Kislyck Halsey, Maurice Lauchner, Alexis Jones, Tony Hightower and Jeffrey Lewis (“Madea’s Big Happy Family”). Tyler Perry’s “The Haves and the Have Nots” is staged on Wednesday, Feb. 1 at 8 p.m. at the T-U Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $35.50. 633-6110.

LIVE RADIO WHAD’YA KNOW?

Since the mid-’80s (1985 to be exact, for you trivia junkies!) “Michael Feldman’s Whad’Ya Know?” has been entertaining radio listeners with a show that owes both Groucho Marx’s “You Bet Your Life” and the “National Lampoon Radio Hour.” Host Feldman quizzes contestants, conducts roving audience interviews, and learns from notable local folks from whatever “Town of the Week” is featured. Throw in live music, witty repartee between Feldman and announcer Jim Packard and “phone-answerer” Lyle Anderson, and you have two Saturday morning hours well-spent. “Michael Feldman’s Whad’Ya Know?” returns to Northeast Florida for a live on-air broadcast on Saturday, Feb. 4 at 11 a.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $31.50-$63.50. A performance by Beaches bluegrass trio Grandpa’s Cough Medicine is featured during the show. 355-2787.

MUSIC KELLY CLARKSON

Pop singer Kelly Clarkson first came to prominence after winning the inaugural season of “American Idol” (back before it sold out, man!). Since then, this Texas native’s career has far outshone the once-shooting stars of AI’s other winners (“Bo Bice, clean up on aisle 12!”). Chart-topping tunes like ’02’s “A Moment Like This,” “Because of You” (’05) and her recent jam, “Mr. Know It All,” have assured the 29-year-old two-time Grammy-winner a place in pop pantheon. Kelly Clarkson performs on Thursday, Feb. 2 at 8 p.m. at the T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $38.50-$88.50. 633-6110.

FOOD FOLIO WEEKLY BITE CLUB

Folio Weekly’s Bite Club offers free tastings to registered Bite Club members, who are selected for each event by answering essential foodie trivia, and led by gourmet guide and culinary queen Caron Streibich. The next event is on Tuesday, Feb. 7 at 6 p.m. at Taverna Yamas, 9753 Deer Lake Court, Jacksonville. To sign up for future tastings, or just to learn what Bite Club is all about, check out fwbiteclub.com. 854-0426.

RICHARD THOMPSON

While singer-songwriter Richard Thompson is mostly categorized simply as a folk singer, the songs of this mercurial British musician deliver a richer flavor. As a founding member of ’60s rockers Fairport Convention, the 62-year-old Thompson helped usher in a revival of traditional music of the British Isles.

In the ’70s and ’80s, Thompson and then-wife Linda rewrote the game plan for the singer-songwriter genre. Since then, this “musician’s musician” has had his tunes covered by Elvis Costello and R.E.M., been praised for his inventive guitar style and still found time to release formidable material like ’10’s Grammy-nominated “Dream Attic.” Thompson headlined last year’s Gamble Rogers Folk Festival in St. Augustine with an acoustic performance on the city’s bayfront, and NE Florida music lovers can find the Richard Thompson Electric Trio on Thursday, Feb. 2 at 8 p.m. at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Sam Pacetti opens. Tickets are $39.50 and $52.50. 209-0367.

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 19

“OK, OK! I like Adele’s new song. Sheesh!”

Gina Carano shows Ewan MacGregor that she has strong opinions about current pop music in Steven Soderbergh’s new action film “Haywire.”

Killer Queen

MMA fighter Gina Carano makes her film debut in Steven Soderbergh’s ass-kicking new yarn Haywire

***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Y

20 | FOLIO WEEKLY | JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012

ou have to admire Steven Soderbergh’s work ethic. Since the filmmaker’s debut in 1989 with “Sex, Lies and Videotape,” he has averaged two films a year — sometimes writing and directing them, sometimes editing them, and often serving as his own cinematographer. Even when he’s not at his best, as in “Bubble” or “Schizopolis,” his work is still more interesting than most cineplex fodder. His choice of material spans the genres: science-fiction (“Solaris”); comedy/mystery (“Out of Sight,” “Underneath”); biopics (“Che: Parts 1 & 2”); literary fantasy (“Kafka”) and however you want to classify “Ocean’s Eleven” and its sequels.

This year alone, Soderbergh has three films to his credit — the well-received bio-thriller “Contagion,” Australian comedy “The Last Time I Saw Michael Gregg” with Cate Blanchett and now the action/spy thriller “Haywire” with Gina Carano, an MMA fighter-turned-actress in her first starring role. “Huh?” you may be thinking, especially if you’ve seen its trailers, which look like a Jason Statham flick minus the scruffy bald badass. In fact, that’s exactly what “Haywire” turns out to be — an action film fueled by estrogen instead of testosterone, with a bit more smarts.

Employing a narrative style that starts near the end instead of the beginning, “Haywire” presents lovely but lethal Mallory (Gina Carano) on the run from some bad guys. We find this out when she exchanges punches, kicks and assorted body shots with a former boyfriend (Channing Tatum) in a rural diner, and then relates her tale to the perplexed and quaking young guy (Michael Angarano, “Gentlemen Broncos”) whose car she’s hijacked. That’s how we (and he) catch up on the action.

It’s a confusing, complicated story of espionage and betrayal involving stately Michael Douglas as a government official and Ewan McGregor as the head of an independent contract agency that specializes in “unofficial”

undercover work, kind of like the “Mission: Impossible” squad. Instead of Tom Cruise, we’ve got tough chick Mallory, trying to stay alive while she sorts out the good guys from the bad. In the process, there’s considerable head-banging, shooting and chasing across rooftop. Through it all, Mallory manages to stay in the dominant position. She’s one mean mother.

The impressive cast of supporting male actors includes French actor/director Mathieu Kassovitz (“Munich,” “Amelie”) as one of the international shady guys, Antonio Banderas as another, Michael Fassbender (Magneto in “X-Men: First Class”) as yet another, and finally kindly Bill Paxton as Mallory’s dad. If Soderbergh or Gina Carano felt the least bit intimidated by her seasoned co-stars, it doesn’t show on the screen.

Carano isn’t ready for Shakespeare just yet, but “Haywire” doesn’t call for her to do much more than show off her considerable physical skills.

On the writing side, the bane of most brainless action flicks, Soderbergh employs his sometime collaborator Lem Dobbs, who provided the screenplay for one of the director’s best (“The Limey,” with Terence Stamp) as well as one of his most ambitious and provocative (“Kafka,” with Jeremy Irons). Dobbs also wrote “Dark City,” the mind-bending 1998 sci-fi film Roger Ebert dubbed the best movie that year.

Despite the welcome contribution of Dobbs and his oblique story line, “Haywire” plays out much like the recent “Colombiana,” which featured Zoe Saldana as another impressive female wrecking machine, turning the tables on a bunch of swarthy thugs. Apart from the fact that the villains in “Haywire” are more elegant than their counterparts in “Colombiana,” the actiondriven plots of the two films are more consistent than not. Soderbergh employs more editing tricks in terms of visuals and soundtrack, but the major appeals in both films are their female stars and the neat reversal of gender roles.

It’ll be interesting to see what 30-year-old Gina Carano does next with her new career. If the rumors are true and she does play the sultry sorceress Circe in the upcoming Percy Jackson sequel, she could just as easily beat the bejeezus out of the unwary guys as bewitch them.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

Silence is Golden

“The Artist” is a contemporary cinematic treasure built on the techniques of the past The Artist

**** Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

T

his must have been what it was like back in the golden age of silent cinema — to enter a darkened theater not knowing what to expect, only to be swept away in a moment of breathless delight. Thanks to director Michel Hazanavicius, we can share this experience once again, if we are willing to make the leap. Will audiences throw down a chunk of change to watch a black-and-white film shot in a 1:33:1 aspect ratio with no dialogue and a traditionally orchestrated soundtrack?

They damn well should.

Hazanavicius’ new film, “The Artist,” is so brilliantly crafted, so rich with metaphor and self-deprecation, so light and yet so full of emotional depth that anyone with a sense of adventure or an appreciation for the art — the art — of filmmaking will want to see it multiple times. A devotee of early cinema, Hazanavicius went to great pains to get the look of his film just right, shooting in the original aspect ratio and using an assortment of lenses, lighting and camera techniques to match the aesthetic of his favorite 1920s films. (“The Artist” was shot in color, then transferred to black-and-white during post-production.)

The result is nothing short of astonishing.

The story of “The Artist” is equally engaging.

It’s 1927, and silent film star George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is at the top of his game, having just attended the premiere of his latest film, “A Russian Affair.” Outside the theater, flashbulbs blazing and fans jockeying for position along the red carpet, Valentin has a chance encounter with Peppy Miller (Bérénice Bejo), who bumps into him after dropping her purse. Following a tense moment during which he feigns anger for the intrusion, Valentin slides into his charming trademark grin and mugs with Peppy for the adoring crowd. The next day, Peppy is the new “It” girl when her photo with Valentin hits the cover of Variety magazine. It’s her stepping stone toward a career in the movies.

As Peppy ascends, thanks, in part, to the advent of the talkies, Valentin tanks. He, the titular “artist,” refuses to embrace new sound technology, preferring to keep making silent

films. Kinograph Studios head Al Zimmer (John Goodman) finally shuts down all production of silent films, instead focusing on Peppy’s success.

The prideful Valentin decides to squander his remaining fortune producing his final silent film, and ends up broke and lonely, deserted by his wife, Doris (Penelope Ann Miller) and his oncesmitten fans.

With his loyal driver Clifton (James Cromwell) and faithful Jack Russell terrier as his only companions, Valentin drinks himself into oblivion in his skid-row apartment. Despite a friendly intervention by now-famous Peppy, Valentin considers suicide his only option. All of this melodrama, mind you, takes place with no dialogue and only a dozen spare title cards to convey any meaning that can’t be gleaned from the action.

Already nominated for — and winner of — a host of international awards, “The Artist” is a masterstroke of both artistry and entertainment.

Dujardin and Hazanavicius’ wife, Bejo, are utterly convincing as 1920s film stars, he dashing and charismatic, she charming and absolutely gorgeous. Both strike the perfect balance of real acting chops and the hyperbolic theatrics of silent film legends like Chaplin and Gish. And Bejo’s work during “the coat rack” scene is worth the price of admission many times over. (Spoiler alert: Do not view the trailer, which uses a portion of this scene, if you want to be mesmerized by this brief but incandescent performance.)

Hazanavicius left no detail to chance here.

From the sets and wardrobe to the jostling title cards and era-specific choreography, it all succeeds in spades. Even the oft-overlooked extras are fantastic. And the observant viewer is constantly rewarded with subtleties in foreshadowing, metaphor and irony. Even the obvious swipe that “The Artist” takes at Hollywood (“Hollywoodland” in the film) and the encroachment of new technology contributes to the film’s self-deprecating approach.

Indeed, the movie was shot in Hollywood using advanced technology and distributed domestically by perhaps Tinseltown’s biggest egomaniacs, the Weinsteins.

But don’t let that dissuade you. See this movie, and see it soon. There won’t be another like it, well … ever.

John E. Citrone themail@folioweekly.com

George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) and Constance (Missi Pyle) take a well-deserved bow in director Michel Hazanavicus’ superbly rendered film “The Artist.”

JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 21

FILM RATINGS **** ***@ **@@ *@@@

NICK CAVE BAT CAVE MAMMOTH CAVE MAN CAVE

NOW SHOWING THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues Steven Spielberg’s CGI-animated adaptation of the popular Belgian comic strip speeds along with cutting-edge special effects yet is stalled by a dull, predictable story. Tintin (voiced

by Jamie Bell) and his dog Snowy are on an action-packed adventure with Haddock (Andy Serkis) to reveal secrets about a mysterious ship.

AGNEEPATH **@@ Not Rated • AMC Regency The Bollywood crime thriller, starring Hrithik Roshan and Sanjay Dutt, is about a villager who exacts revenge on a brutal drug lord who killed his father.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIP-WRECKED **@@ Rated G • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues The vacation plans of Dave Seville (Jason Lee) and those nutty little Chipmunks (voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney) are sunk when they (and the Chipettes!) are marooned on a deserted island. Co-starring Amy Poehler, Anna Faris and Christina Applegate.

THE ARTIST ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST **@@ Rated G • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Disney’s 1991 animated Oscar-winner goes 3-D. When an evil enchantress turns an arrogant young prince (voiced

by Robby Benson) into the Beast and his servants into furniture, only the love and understanding of innocent Belle (Paige O’Hara) can change him back. Gaston (Richard White), a ruthless hunter set on slaying the cursed prince, wants Belle for himself. Angela Lansbury and Jo Anne Worley lend their talents.

© 2012

FolioWeekly

CONTRABAND **G@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Mark Wahlberg and Kate Beckinsale star in this entertaining albeit unoriginal action flick about ex-smuggler Chris Farraday (Wahlberg) called out of retirement after his brotherin-law (Caleb Landry Jones) burns drug dealer Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi). Chris realizes revenge is ultimately a family affair, so he calls in brother Sebastian (Ben Foster) and wife Kate (Kate Beckinsale) to smuggle counterfeit greenbacks from Panama and settle the score once and for all.

A DANGEROUS METHOD **@@ Rated R • AMC Regency Square, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Beach Blvd.

Visionary director David Cronenberg’s (“Naked Lunch,” “A History of Violence”) biopic stars Viggo Mortensen, Michael Fassbender and Kiera Knightley. It chronicles the intense, often contentious relationship of early 20th-century pioneering psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud (Mortensen) and Carl Jung (Fassbender) as they treat patient (and future psychoanalyst) Sabina Spielrein.

22 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

THE DESCENDANTS **** Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., San Marco Theater, Sun-Ray Cinema@5 Points The latest from writer-director Alexander Payne (“About Schmidt,” “Sideways”) features Oscar-worthy performances from George Clooney and Shailene Woodley in the story of a reluctant patriarch and his quirky family who find trouble in paradise and real family values in Hawaii.

Museum of Contemporary Art and Folio Weekly present “13 Most Beautiful: Songs for Andy Warhol’s Screen Tests” from 6-8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at MOCA’s theater, 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. The film, of screen tests shot in Warhol’s Factory in 1966, features Edie Sedgwick (pictured), Nico, Lou Reed and Edie and Dennis Hopper. Its original soundtrack is by Dean Wareham and Britta Phillips. UNF professor Nicholas de Villiers hosts the screening, part of the exhibit, “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s,” which runs through April 8. Admission is free. 366-6911. mocajacksonville.org

THE DEVIL INSIDE *@@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Hollywood River City This lame exorcism flick is an exercise in futility as Isabella Rossi (Fernanda Andrade) goes to the hospital for the criminally insane with a crew of demon-wranglin’ Padres (Simon Quarterman, Evan Helmuth) to beat the devil out of her mother, Maria (Suzan “No Relation to Aleister” Crowley).

“The Devil Inside” takes a played-out premise — demonic possession — of many horror films and, amazingly, plays it out even more.

EXTREMELY LOUD & INCREDIBLY CLOSE **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This surefire tearjerker drama from director Stephen Daldry follows Oskar Schell (Thomas Horn), a nine-yearold amateur inventor, Francophile and pacifist, as he scours the streets of Manhattan looking for the elusive lock to a key left by his father Thomas (Tom Hanks), who died in the World Trade Center attacks on Sept. 11. Based on Jonathan Safran Foer’s novel, “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” also stars Sandra Bullock, John Goodman and Max von Sydow.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO **** Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Director David Fincher (“The Social Network,” “Fight Club”) adapts Stieg Larrson’s groundbreaking crime novel with killer results. Disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is tapped to solve a 40-year-old missing persons case by a wealthy industrialist (Christopher Plummer). He hires cyber sleuth Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) to unravel a family’s darkest secrets.

THE GREATEST MIRACLE ***G Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square This animated, 3D film is about three people who have been attending Mass as just a routine in their daily lives. One day, they each experience a crisis and go to church, and are amazed by their fresh new approach to the Holy Sacrament.

THE GREY **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Liam Neeson stars in this nail-biting (or frostbiting?) thriller as John Ottway, an Alaskan oil refinery worker who survives a plane crash-landing in Alaska’s brutal wilderness. John and fellow survivors face harsh weather, hungry wolves and each

other as they try to live through the icy ordeal. Frank Grillo, Dermot Mulroney and Dallas Roberts co-star in director Joe Carnahan’s thriller.

HAYWIRE ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

HUGO **** Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Based on Brian Selznick’s book about a young boy’s magical adventures in a 1930s Paris train station, “Hugo” is director Martin Scorsese’s first foray into fantasy filmmaking, blending fact and fiction into a captivating tale, with impressive technical wizardry, particularly in its use of 3-D. Asa Butterfield, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Lee and Sacha Baron Cohen co-star.

THE IRON LADY ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Meryl Streep stars in this critically acclaimed historical drama that chronicles the life of Margaret Thatcher and her journey from being the daughter of a humble grocer to the first woman to be elected prime minister of the United Kingdom, a position that she held for nearly a dozen years and earned her the nickname “The Iron Lady” for her hardline, conservative policies toward trade unions, the Soviet Union and quality British hardcore punk rock. Jim Broadbent costars in the engaging, Reagan-era biopic.

JOYFUL NOISE **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

God help us all! Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton star in this comedy as two members of a small-town church choir who are having a devil of a time trying to see past their differences and win a national competition.

MAN ON A LEDGE **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The crime thriller’s ensemble cast includes Sam Worthington, Elizabeth Banks, Jamie Bell and Ed Harris. When cop-turnedfugitive Nick Cassidy (Worthington) stages a fake suicide

attempt on a Manhattan hotel’s top-floor ledge, police negotiator Lydia Spencer (Banks) realizes he’s just a pawn in a bigger caper. She may need to call for more backup.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE — GHOST PROTOCOL **** Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., World Golf IMAX Theater The latest in the hit-or-miss series is an action smash. When special agent Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his team (Simon Pegg, Paula Patton, Jeremy Renner) are wrongfully accused of an attack on Moscow, they‘re forced to go into hiding and chase down villain Hendricks (Mikael Nyqvist) intent on global destruction. A tight script, killer visuals and deft direction by Brad Bird make “Ghost Protocol” a mission to accept.

ONE FOR THE MONEY **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

When brassy Jersey girl Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl) is hired as a recovery agent for a bail-bondsman, she puts her skills to the test to capture bail-jumper Joe Morelli (Jason O’Mara), a former vice cop and murder suspect. He’s also her old high school boyfriend. John Leguizamo co-stars in this rom-com crime flick.

RED TAILS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The WWII-era drama, starring Terrence Howard, Anna Levine and Cuba Gooding Jr., chronicles the true story of 13 AfricanAmerican cadets training to be fighter pilots, who became known as the Tuskegee Airmen.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Director Guy Ritchie’s cinematic adaptation of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s legendary tale has Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) and trusty pal Dr. Watson (Jude Law) match wits with an equally astute opponent, Prof. Moriarty (Jared Harris).

Kelly Reilly and Stephen Fry co-star in the fun-filled albeit predictable mystery-thriller.

TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY ***@ Rated R • Epic Theatre St. Augustine This big-screen adaptation of John le Carré’s classic Cold War-era espionage novel moves along on the strength of a bulletproof screenplay by Peter Straughan and Bridget O’Connor and tight direction from Tomas Alfredson. In 1970s Europe, secret agent George Smiley (Gary Oldman) is forced to smoke out a double agent from within the British Secret Service. An ensemble cast, including John Hurt, Toby Jones, David Dencik, Ciaran Hinds and Colin Firth, and an innovative narrative make this thriller worth spying on.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

In the latest installment of the popular “fang banger” series, badass vampire warrior Selene (Kate Beckinsale) awakens after a decade of being held captive. She discovers most of her vampires have been destroyed; now she has to fight a genetically engineered Lycan (that’s “werewolf” to us simple, alt-weekly-readin’ folk!). Stephen Rea, Michael Ealy and Theo James co-star in this biting action flick.

WAR HORSE **** Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The latest epic from Steven Spielberg takes the lead in the Oscar race. Based on Michael Morpurgo’s 1982 book and the acclaimed stage adaptation of the same work, “War Horse” tells the story of battle-torn Europe during The Great War through the eyes of a horse named Joey promise ofand benefit the characters he encounters. An ensemble cast, including David Thewlis, Jeremy Irvine, Emily Watson and Tom Hiddleston, combined with deft cinematography by Janusz Kaminski, a strong script (Lee Hall, Richard Curtis) and Spielberg’s masterful vision make “War Horse” a cinematic thoroughbred.

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WE BOUGHT A ZOO **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Based on a true story, this family film is about recent widower Benjamin Mee (Matt Damon), who decides to “go country” and move his kids (Colin Ford and Maggie Elizabeth Jones) onto an 18-acre farm. The catch? The place is a literal zoo, crawling with critters cared for by zookeeper/hot babe Kelly Foster (Scarlett Johansson).

OTHER FILMS WARHOL AT MOCA UNF professor Nicholas de Villiers screens 13 of Andy Warhol’s classic silent black-and-white screen tests from 6-8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville, 333 N. Laura St., downtown. 366-6911.

POT BELLY’S CINEMA “The Ides of March,” “Martha, Marcy, May, Marlene,” “J. Edgar,” “Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn,” “My Week With Marilyn” and “The Sitter” are shown at Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine. 829-3101.

WGHOF IMAX THEATER “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol 2D” is screened along with “Legends of Flight 3D,” “Rescue 3D,” “The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest,” “Born To Be Wild 3D” and “Hubble 3D” at World Golf Hall of Fame Village, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. 940-IMAX. worldgolfimax.com

NEW ON DVD & BLU-RAY PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 The third offering in the popular series about one pesky, persistent demon is a prequel about how sisters Katie and Kristi first came into contact with an evil presence. The surveillance-style footage makes it even spookier. (Spoiler alert: Those two little girls are demon magnets!)

THE THING A team of researchers, led by paleontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), is trapped in the Arctic with a murderous, shape-shifting alien in a remake of this classic sci-fi horror story. “The Thing” is entertaining film fare for fans of the previous flicks.

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON Shia LaBeouf returns in the starring role as a kid who has some really bad car trouble, in director Michael Bay’s latest addition to the cinematic traffic jam. It moves like a 20-car pile-up of special effects, bad acting and a slippery story.

ANONYMOUS Rhys Ifans, Vanessa Redgrave and David Thewlis star in director Roland Emmerich’s 17th-century period-piece conspiracy and political thriller that proposes William Shakespeare’s plays were really written by the Earl of Oxford.

No effin’ way, thou scoundrel!

AREA THEATERS AMELIA ISLAND Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., 261-9867 ARLINGTON & REGENCY AMC Regency 24, 9451 Regency Square Blvd., 264-3888 BAYMEADOWS & MANDARIN Regal Avenues 20, 9525 Philips Highway, 538-3889 BEACHES Regal Beach Blvd. 18, 14051 Beach Blvd., 992-4398 FIVE POINTS Sun-Ray Cinema@5Points, 1028 Park St., 359-0047 NORTHSIDE Hollywood River City 14, River City Marketplace, 12884 City Center Blvd., 757-9880

ORANGE PARK AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Road, (888) AMC-4FUN Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., 621-0221 SAN MARCO San Marco Theatre, 1996 San Marco Blvd., 396-4845 SOUTHSIDE Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., 998-2122 ST. AUGUSTINE Epic Theatres, 112 Theatre Drive, 797-5757 IMAX Theater, World Golf Village, 940-IMAX Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., 829-3101

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 23

Sales

Jean Mapping: Jay DeMarcus, Gary LeVox and Joe Don Rooney are country superstars Rascal Flatts.

Pretty-boy country stars Rascal Flatts put the “honky” back in honky tonk RASCAL FLATTS with SARA EVANS and HUNTER HAYES Thursday, Feb. 9 at 7:30 p.m.

Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville Tickets range from $24.50-$59.25 630-3900

C

24 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

ountry music doesn’t have a recognizable face these days. Personally, I’m nostalgic for a time when being a country singer meant you were born in Texas, Arkansas or Louisiana, suffered from alcoholism and untreated mental illness, married your third cousin or a 15-yearold (or a combination of the two) and wrote a classic like “I Walk the Line” or “He Stopped Loving Her Today.” You know, like great art.

Today, homemade, fringed Western stage outfits (à la Patsy Cline) have been replaced by sequined mini-dresses, designer high heels and perfectly airbrushed faces. A few months ago, one of the genre’s most popular modern acts, Rascal Flatts (aka Gary LeVox, lead vocals; Jay DeMarcus bass, keys, vocals; and Joe Don Rooney, lead guitar, vocals), announced they’d be launching their own clothing line. In the immortal words of that other bard, Waylon Jennings, “I don’t think Hank done it this way.”

Formed in 1999 in Columbus, Ohio, Rascal Flatts make their way to Jacksonville on Thursday, Feb. 9 with a performance at Veterans Memorial Arena. It’s part of the band’s “Thaw Out 2012” tour with Sara Evans and opener Hunter Hayes.

Honestly, it’s easy to want to make fun of this trio. Over the past decade, the guys have been applauded for their fashion sense — graphic tees, necklaces, Ed Hardy-like button-downs, pretty-boy hairstyles, bleached white teeth and a sun-kissed, orange glow that could only be the result of a tanning bed. At the very least, Rascal

Flatts should be applauded for making it OK to go all metrosexual at the Dude Ranch.

But Rascal Flatts also has a broad appeal that has made them the newest members of the Grand Ole Opry. Since their musical debut in 2000, the band has sold more than 20 million albums and 25 million digital downloads and delivered a whopping 13 No. 1 singles.

Rascal Flatts also claims 40 trophies from the American Country Awards, Academy of

While noodling around the site, one can also view a photo of frontman Gary LeVox dressed head to toe in camouflage, grinning like a mule eating garlic and posing with the corpse of a whitetail deer.

Country Music, American Music Awards, Country Music Association and People’s Choice Awards, among others. Since the band began touring, they have sold more than six million concert tickets — that’s like saying one in every 52 Americans has seen the band perform live. Those kinds of numbers are like “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” with designer cowboy boots.

The band’s U.S. Country No. 1 singles include the tunes “These Days” (2002), “Fast Cars and Freedom” (2005), “Stand” (2007), “Here” (2009) and “Why Wait” (2010). The

New York Times called the band “fearlessly contented and relentlessly inoffensive.”

That storied publication continues in a review of Rascal Flatt’s show at Madison Square Garden, “During ‘He Ain’t the Leavin’ Kind,’ a song about the omnipresence of God, a group of United States Marines marched onstage to stand at attention, which might have offended only those worried about separation of church and state.”

Rascal Flatts spent the time between 2000 and 2010 recording on Disney Music Group’s Lyric Street Records before moving to an independent label, Big Machine Records in November 2010. The band’s most recent album and Big Machine debut, “Nothing Like This,” hit No. 1 on the country album sales chart and became one of only four country acts to debut six consecutive studio albums at No. 1.

The band’s website, rascalflatts.com, offers the usual merch for the Flatt Dog Pound (what they call their fans): T-shirts, posters, shot glasses and hats. While noodling around the site, one can also view a photo of frontman Gary LeVox dressed head to toe in camouflage, grinning like a mule eating garlic and posing with the corpse of a whitetail deer.

According to the site, “In a new interview with the Hunt Life Outdoor Show, the lead singer spilled that his hobby is such a huge part of his life that he convinced his bandmates Joe Don Rooney and Jay DeMarcus to schedule tours around hunting season.” LeVox continues, “Not everybody likes to go play golf. I’d rather shoot a bird than try to make a bird in a hole.”

He won’t be doing PETA promos any time soon. But for millions of music fans out there looking for some mega-pop country music, the hunt is over.

Kara Pound themail@folioweekly.com

Noble Rot

Garage rock royalty King Khan and The Shrines bring their crazy-ass show to Northeast Florida KING KHAN AND THE SHRINES with JACUZZI BOYS and GOLDEN PELICAN Wednesday, Feb. 8 at 8 p.m.

Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach Tickets are $15 460-9311

I

t must take a colossal ego to perform under the name King Khan, right? Not for IndoCanadian garage-rock superhero Arish “King” Khan. Sure, the 35-year-old singer and multiinstrumentalist is notorious for his on- and offstage antics: urinating on his audience, getting arrested with mushrooms in Kentucky, and even shoving his bare, royal ass in Lindsey Lohan’s face (http://bit.ly/AqK5Dx). But this veteran of countless punk, gospel, country, doo-wop and psychedelic soul side projects (most recorded for and released on Vice Records) is actually a fierce proponent of raw American music in its most elemental forms.

Surprisingly, he’s also a happily married father of two daughters.

Folio Weekly caught up with King Khan to talk musical integrity, German electronic body music and alligators of both the Floridian and African variety.

Folio Weekly: You’ve pulled some crazy stunts in the past: doing cocaine off speakers during a show in Brazil, performing naked and in drag more often than not, destroying TVs and other assorted gear. Now that you’re 35, are you calming down a bit?

King Khan: In some ways, yeah. Back in the day, we used shock to lure or repel people.

But the music has always been the most

Trash rocker King Khan prepares to debut a new “feathered” hairstyle at his upcoming Café Eleven performance.

F.W.: How exactly did a Canadian musician of Indian descent end up living in Germany?

K.K.: The Spaceshits’ last tour was in Europe. I was 21 and fell in love, but I also felt like bands were treated differently here; in every city, there was a cool punk niche and people really knew good music. Plus, when you’re that age, going as far away from home sounds great. So I fell in love with the girl who is now my wife, and started a family.

F.W.: You’ve collaborated with countless bands over the years, in every genre imaginable.

What’s on your plate now?

K.K.: I’m working with this amazing

“It’s important to keep that revolutionary spirit alive — otherwise we turn into robots.” important thing. And it all depends; if the crowd gives a lot, then they receive a lot. It still gets pretty nutty and crazy — maybe just less frequently.

F.W.: How did you get your musical start?

K.K.: I started playing guitar when I was 12, but my parents played Indian classical music on my mom’s belly through these big ’70s headphones before I was born. In high school, I got into Hendrix and Led Zeppelin, and then that evolved into metal and punk. By 17, I had left home, and joined The Spaceshits, playing with them for five or six years all over the world. When I did the first tour with Mark “BBQ” Sultan and Black Lips, we used rippedout pieces of an atlas, not laptops or GPS. So I’ve been doing this for quite a long time.

German singer, Rummelsnuff. He plays very Rammsteinesque, dark electro music. Over here it’s called EBM, or electronic body music.

Most of my life, I’ve been playing old-school rock n’ roll, so I thought it’d be funny to venture into this electronic world. I’ve also been focusing on The Shrines’ new record.

F.W.: I’ve heard you describe The Shrines as “a Japanese animation monster tearing things up with eight dicks.” But really, the 10-pluspiece ensemble is more about funk, soul and jazz, right?

K.K.: When I first moved to Germany, I got into a lot of avant-garde black music from the ’60s like Sun Ra and Art Ensemble of Chicago.

You hear so much revolution in their music, so The Shrines try to bring that together. It’s

important to keep that revolutionary spirit alive — otherwise we turn into robots.

F.W.: Seems like you have a fascination with raw American sound.

K.K.: I’ve always loved desperation in music.

Whether it’s punk or James Brown, desperation adds depth, which you really feel in your heart. My intentions with music have always been pure and not tainted with delusions of grandeur or trying to attain some big golden bucket. The people who come to the shows feel that — they see my music for its integrity and honesty. Music is a lot like voodoo or any kind of spiritual magic — if it’s done with the right intentions, it can give you great spiritual benefits. I think my fans follow me because they feel that no-bullshit honesty.

F.W.: Do you like touring in Florida?

K.K.: I really enjoy it, except for that well-water smell. Isn’t there an alligator problem there, too?

F.W.: No, but we do hunt them at certain times of the year.

K.K.: Wow. I saw some crazy African tribe on YouTube, and their initiation for young boys is getting these open cuts, which they disinfect with this leaf so it makes a specific scar. Then they have to spend a whole night in the swamp with only their eyes out of the water, almost becoming an alligator. Can you imagine how scary that would be?

F.W.: We don’t do anything quite like that here.

K.K.: There must be a biker crew down there that does it.

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 25

Farther Along: Billy Joe Shaver peforms at The Florida Theatre on Feb. 16.

St. Johns Riverkeeper Benefit Concert featuring BILLY JOE SHAVER with VAN DYKE PARKS Thursday, Feb. 16 at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville Tickets range from $33.50-$53.50 VIP tickets are $128.50; $207 per couple; price includes a reception with the Riverkeeper and post-show meet-and-greet with the artists.

355-2787 stjohnsriverkeeper.org

I

f there is a true Honky Tonk Hero in American music, is it surely Billy Joe Shaver.

The 72-year-old Texas native has lived a life as storied as the many songs he has penned.

In 1973, Waylon Jennings released the album “Honky Tonk Heroes,” a collection of tunes mostly written by Shaver. That album helped put the Outlaw Country genre on the map and the music of Shaver and his compadres like Waylon, Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson on the charts. While the name Billy Joe Shaver might not be as well-known, his songs have been by covered by artists ranging from The Allman Brothers and Johnny Cash to Emmylou Harris, Elvis Presley, Alison Krauss and Bob Dylan. Classic songs like “Old Five and Dimers Like Me,” “I Been to Georgia on a Fast Train,” “Ride Me Down Easy” and “I’m Just an Old Chunk of Coal” are just a fraction of a catalog that by Shaver’s own estimation numbers around five hundred.

Ever the wordsmith, Shaver also released a memoir, 2005’s “Honky Tonk Hero,” a worthy read that plays out like one of his songs. In the last decade-plus, Shaver has survived much personal tragedy. Both his wife Brenda and mother died in 1999; within a year his 38-year-old son and longtime guitarist Eddy would be dead of a drug overdose. Yet Shaver seemingly coped with their deaths by doing what he has always done: He wrote. In 2007, Shaver released the Grammy-nominated gospel album “Everybody’s Brother,” featuring duets with Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson and Tanya Tucker. A new generation is also becoming familiar with Shaver’s voice in the theme song for the Adult Swim Television show, “Squidbillies.”

Shaver performs at The Florida Theatre on Thursday, Feb. 16, along with Van Dyke Parks, in a benefit concert for the St. Johns Riverkeeper honoring the service of the man who has held that position since its inception: Neil Armingeon.

Ever the ramblin’ man, Billy Joe Shaver spoke to Folio Weekly from his hotel room at the tour stop of Yukon, Okla., where he talked about living on the open road, the power of poetry and divine intervention.

26 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

Folio Weekly: Judging by the stories in your songs and memoir, I guess it’s safe to say that when you were a kid, you didn’t spend all your free time hanging out at choir practice.

Billy Joe Shaver: No, I didn’t. [Laughs.] Yeah, I was pretty out-there. I’d run off from home and stay gone two or three days and get the devil of a whippin’ when I came back home. I liked to roam a lot. I still do but I don’t have to run away no more. But that’s why music is so great. I wouldn’t be able to afford to do this [touring] without music and, man, I love to travel. But there you go — I got blessed all over the place.

F.W.: What are they putting in the water out there in Texas that seems to grow all of these great songwriters?

B.J.S.: I’ll tell you what — they are all from there. If it wasn’t for Texans, I don’t think I’d even be here, because Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Guy Clark and Kris Kristofferson and all of those guys have helped me quite a bit. Which of course encourages you when you have such great people from your own home state. And good Lord, there’s so many of ’em.

F.W.: You were part of a group of singersongwriters that really put Nashville back in blue jeans and focused on the songs. When you were starting out, did you ever doubt that your music would be heard?

B.J.S.: Well, no, and mainly because the drive and the stubbornness and hard-headedness of guys like Waylon and Ray Wylie Hubbard — people that just don’t give up. And you know you have to keep going on. You can’t just be a slacker. But I did my part, too! [Laughs.]

F.W.: In your memoir, you wrote, “To me, the song is poetry. That’s all it is. It’s the way I describe the world around me, and make sense of it.” How old were you when you first started making sense of the world through your writing?

B.J.S.: When I was eight years old, I started writing. It was songs, but was really more like poetry. But poets are so great. I can’t categorize myself as a “poet.”

F.W.: Who are some of your favorite poets?

B.J.S.: Robert Service and things like “The

Cremation of Sam McGee.” He was a guy that went to Alaska and found gold and struck it rich. And while he was up there, he wrote all of these poems and they’re all true. Service [1874-1958] went through some rough-ass times, but he said a great thing and it’s always been with me and I’ve always loved it. He had a handful of money and went down to San Francisco and blew it all on whores, just to see if he could come back and make it again.

And he said, “It’s not the finding the gold, it’s the looking for it.” And we’re all looking for that one precious thing and when we get done finding it, we go on looking for another.

Man, he was a cool dude. I also loved what Kahlil Gibran was saying, although I could never say it so eloquently. And of course, I’d surely thrown in Jimmie Rodgers, Hank Williams and Ernest Tubb.

F.W.: You’ve been pretty bulletproof in surviving the honky-tonk lifestyle. How much of that resilience do you attribute to combat wisdom and how much do you chalk up to divine intervention?

B.J.S.: Well, I call divine intervention “dirty old luck.” I believe luck is the will of God. I’m a born-again Christian and you get your slate wiped clean. But the thing is, you get to start all over again, but if you don’t watch it, you’ll do the same crazy-ass things you did before! You get back with your same wild, old friends and pretty soon, you’ll have to get “born again,” again and again and again! [Laughs.]

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

CONCERTS THIS WEEK

KEB’ MO’ Contemporary bluesman Keb’ Mo’ performs at 7:30 p.m. on Jan. 31 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $36.50. Doors are at 6:30 p.m. 209-0399.

JIMMY BUFFETT & THE CORAL REEFER BAND The legendary Key West troubadour hits the stage at 8 p.m. on Jan. 31 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $34-$134. 630-3900.

THE VIOLENT These loving punkers appear at 9 p.m. on Jan. 31 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 353-4686.

THE CIVIL WARS, ZACH WILLIAMS & THE BELLOW Acoustic duo The Civil Wars performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra. Tickets are $29.50 and $39.50. 209-0367.

DIA FRAMPTON Indie pop songstress Frampton plays at 8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach.

Tickets are $12. 246-2473.

BRIGHT LIGHT SOCIAL HOUR These punkers perform at 8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

ROBIN RĂœTENBERG Indie singer RĂźtenberg appears at 8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Dos Gatos, 123 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. 354-0666.

CRUEL HAND These local rockers are on at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 2 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 223-9850.

JENNI and BILLY This rootsy duo performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

RICHARD THOMPSON ELECTRIC TRIO, SAM PACETTI Legendary singer-songwriter Thompson performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra.

Tickets are $39.50 and $52.50. 209-0367.

KELLY CLARKSON, MATT NATHANSON Pop star Clarkson performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2 at the T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville.

Tickets range from $38.50- $88.50. 633-6110.

ROAD LESS TRAVELED This local act plays at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

RYAN MONTBLEAU BAND, GREG HUMPHREY Boston-based Ryan Montbleau Band performs at 8 p.m. on

Feb. 2 at CafÊ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. Tickets are $10. 460—9311.

BRAXTON ADAMSON, SPADE McQUADE Local musician Adamson is on at 5:30 p.m.; singer-songwriter McQuade plays at 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown.

374-1547.

EDDIE MONEY with BRIAN WHITE, ROCKSTAR RIDERS Classic rocker Money performs at 7 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15. 223-9850.

BROWN BAG SPECIAL, WHETHERMAN, PAPPA MILLION, TOBACCO PAT Great local music kicks off at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $8.

246-2473.

AARON LEWIS The Staind frontman performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Mavericks at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. Advance tickets are $25; $35 for upstairs.

356-1110.

ROSCO CAINE Local rockers Rosco Caine are on at 9 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at Cliff’s Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Road, Jacksonville. 645-5162.

BREAD & BUTTER (CHROMA) This funky alter-ego of local faves Chroma performs at 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Seven Bridges Grille & Brewery, 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., Jacksonville. 997-1999.

COALITION Local group Coalition plays at 10 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 381-6670.

COMMON ENEMIES 2: SP and DJ NATURAL Classic Blends and Subliminal Messages Radio present this night of fierce dueling DJs at 10 p.m. on Feb. 4 at CafĂŠ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 460-9311.

THICK AS BLOOD Heavy rockers Thick as Blood perform at 6 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

BIG GIGANTIC, SIR CHARLES The electronica kicks off at 8 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $15. 246-2473.

WIL MARING & ROBERT BOWLIN These country and bluegrass artists perform at 8 p.m. on Feb. 4 at European Street CafĂŠ, 5500 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

GOOTCH Area band Gootch appears at 9 p.m. on Feb. 4 at

Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

DECK DOGS These players howl at 10 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 381-6670.

GOLIATH FLORES Multi-instrumentalist Flores appears at 1 p.m. on Feb. 5 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. 355-9791.

HOFFMAN’S VOODOO The eclectic acoustic pickers play at 5 p.m. on Feb. 5 at European Street CafÊ, 992 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. 399-1740.

ULTIMATE GUITAR CROSSING: ERNIE EVANS, KENT SMEDLEY, JACOB JOHNSON The fierce local guitar-picking begins at 8 p.m. on Feb. 7 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

QUINTRON & MISS PUSSYCAT Garage rockers Quintron & Miss Pussycat perform at 9 p.m. on Feb. 7 at Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine. 547-2188.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

WILLIE NELSON & FAMILY Feb. 8, The Florida Theatre KING KHAN & THE SHRINES, NATURAL CHILD Feb. 8, CafÊ Eleven SPONGE Feb. 8, Brewster’s Pit DIPLO, SLEIGH BELLS Feb. 9, Freebird Live THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS, JONATHAN COULTON Feb. 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall RASCAL FLATTS Feb. 9, Veterans Memorial Arena THE AHN TRIO Feb. 10, The Florida Theatre TRIBUTE TO J. DILLA with STILLWATER, ARSUN F!ST, MOLECULE, THE IGIVE, FREE QUINCY Feb. 10, Poppy Love Smoke BARRINGTON LEVY, DAVILLE, ROMAIN VIRGO Feb. 10, Plush SHAWN LIGHTFOOT Feb. 11, Mojo No. 4 DJ LORD, DJ SHOTGUN Feb. 11, The Phoenix Taproom THE AVETT BROTHERS Feb. 11, The Florida Theatre THE ROBERT CRAY BAND Feb. 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THE TOGAS (TY SEGALL, SHANNON SHAW, LANCE WILLIE, PHILIP SAMBOL) Feb. 15, Nobby’s AN EVENING TO HONOR & BENEFIT THE ST. JOHNS RIVERKEEPER with BILLY JOE SHAVER, VAN DYKE PARKS Feb. 16, The Florida Theatre

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BOYCE AVENUE Secondhand Serenade UPCOMING SHOWS 3-6: Lotus/The Malah 3-7: Of Montreal 3-8: Rebirth Brass Band/Kung Fu 3-10: Badfish (sublime tribute) 3-16: Young the Giant/Grouplove 3-24: Katchafire 3-26: Hot Chelle Rae/Electric Touch 4-25: Steel Pulse 5-9: Whitechapel/Miss May I

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 27

TROPIC OF CANCER Feb. 17, Mojo No. 4 PATRIZIO BUANNE Feb. 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TATSUYA NAKATANI Feb. 17, CoRK Warehouse PASSAFIRE Feb. 17, Freebird Live GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, GALEN KIPAR Feb. 17, Mojo Kitchen TAPROOT Feb. 18, Brewster’s Pit DREW BOND Feb. 18, Mojo No. 4 BRANDI CARLILE Feb. 18, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ATTACK ATTACK! Feb. 18, Freebird Live SHEMEKIA COPELAND, TOOTS LORRAINE & THE TRAFFIC Feb. 19, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE Feb. 19, Freebird Live JASON DOTTLEY Feb. 19, Club Metro BREAD & BUTTER (CHROMA) Feb. 19, Sun Dog THE SAW DOCTORS Feb. 22, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS Feb. 22, CafÊ Eleven BREAD & BUTTER (CHROMA)

Feb. 24, Mellow Mushroom Jax Beach LYNCH MOB Feb. 24, Brewster’s Pit ROCCO BLU Feb. 24, Mojo No. 4 PABLO CRUISE Feb. 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AGENT ORANGE Feb. 25, Brewster’s Pit BREAD & BUTTER (CHROMA) Feb. 25, Mojo No. 4 BLIND PILOT Feb. 27, CafÊ Eleven DARK STAR ORCHESTRA Feb. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BOYCE AVENUE, SECONDHAND SERENADE March 2, Freebird Live MONICA March 2, The Florida Theatre DAYS OF THE NEW March 2, Brewster’s Pit HANK WILLIAMS JR. March 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WYNTON MARSALIS March 4, The Florida Theatre OF MONTREAL, CASIO KIDS March 7, Freebird Live JAKE OWEN March 9, Mavericks BIG HEAD TODD & THE MONSTERS March 11, The Florida Theatre YOUNG THE GIANT, GROUPLOVE March 16, Freebird Live

Classic rocker Eddie Money (pictured) and Brian White perform along with Rockstar Riders on Feb. 3 at 7 p.m. at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Known for hits like “Two Tickets to Paradise,� “Shakin’� and “Take Me Home Tonight� (with Ronnie Spector), Money gives an interactive, intimate show, explaining the stories behind the songs. Tickets are $15.

223-9850.

EXPERIENCE HENDRIX TOUR: BILLY COX, BUDDY GUY, DWEEZIL ZAPPA, ROBBY KRIEGER, ROBERT RANDOLPH, ERIC JOHNSON, KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD March 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE MOODY BLUES March 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TONY BENNETT March 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WILSON PHILLIPS March 21, The Florida Theatre ANOUSHKA SHANKAR March 22, The Florida Theatre SUWANNEE SPRINGFEST: YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND, PETER ROWAN & TONY RICE, JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE March 23-25, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park KATCHAFIRE March 24, Freebird Live GLEN CAMPBELL March 25, The Florida Theatre HOT CHELLE RAE March 26, Freebird Live JAKE SHIMABUKURO March 30, The Florida Theatre BUCK WILD (LAGWAGON), HURRICANE GUN, WHALEFACE, THE RESONANTS March 30, Nobby’s SUZY BOGGUSS March 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GALLAGHER April 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TOWER OF POWER April 12, The Florida Theatre SPRINGING THE BLUES April 13-15, Jax Beach HUMAN NATURE April 20, T-U Center WANEE MUSIC FESTIVAL: THE ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND, FURTHUR, GOV’T MULE, TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, JAIMOE’S JASSSZ BAND, BUDDY GUY, BRUCE HORNSBY, DEVON ALLMAN’S HONEYTRIBE April 20 & 21, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park ELVIS COSTELLO & The IMPOSTERS April 27, The Florida Theatre RISE TO AGAINST, A DAY TO REMEMBER, TITLE FIGHT April 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre EDDIE VEDDER, GLEN HANSARD May 8, T-U Center OWN THE NIGHT WORLD TOUR: LADY ANTEBELLUM, DARIUS RUCKER, THOMPSON SQUARE May 10, Veterans Memorial Arena CATIE CURTIS May 11, CafÊ Eleven EDGAR WINTER BAND May 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

• CLUBS • AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

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28 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

every Sun. CAFE KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269 Live music in the courtyard at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., at 5 p.m. every Sun. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Live music every weekend GENNARO’S ITALIANO SOUTH, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 491-1999 Live jazz from 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Dan Voll from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Live music every weekend O’KANE’S IRISH PUB, 318 Centre St., 261-1000 Dan Voll at 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Turner London Band at 8:30 p.m. every Thur., Fri. & Sat. THE PALACE SALOON & SHEFFIELD’S, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 BSP Unplugged every Tue. & Sun. Wes Cobb every Wed. DJ Heavy Hess, Hupp & Rob every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Miguel Alvarez in Sheffield’s every Fri. DJ Heavy Hess every Sat. Cason every Mon. PLAE, 80 Amelia Circle, Amelia Island Plantation, 277-2132 Gary Ross from 7-11 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6990 Cason at 2 p.m. at the tiki bar every Sat. & Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Live music Tue.-Sun. DJ Roc at 5 p.m. every Wed.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

AJ’S BAR & GRILLE, 10244 Atlantic Blvd., 805-9060 DJ Sheryl every Thur., Fri. & Sat. DJ Mike every Tue. & Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

MEEHAN’S TAVERN, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5, 551-7076 Karaoke every Wed. Live music every Fri. Open mic every Wed. MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. PLUSH, RAIN, LAVA, 845 University Blvd. N., 745-1845 DJ Massive spins top 40 in Rain every Wed., DJs spin Latin every Fri. STARBUCKS, 9301 Atlantic Blvd., 724-4554 Open mic with Starbucks Trio from 8-11 p.m. every other Fri. TONINO’S TRATTORIA, 7001 Merrill Rd., 743-3848 Alaina Colding every Thur. W. Harvey Williams at 6 p.m. every Fri. Signature String Quartet every Sat. VIP LOUNGE, 7707 Arlington Expressway, 619-8198 Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Wed. & Fri. Reggae every Thur. Old school jams every Sat. A DJ spins every Sun.

MY PLACE BAR-N-GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Out of Hand every Mon. Rotating bands every other Tue. & Wed. OASIS GRILL & CHILL, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 748-9636 DJs Stan and Mike Bend spin every Feel Good Fri. TONY D’S NEW YORK PIZZA & RESTAURANT, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 322-7051 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri.

BEACHES

Revolutionary Rock! Bread & Butter, the all-covers alter ego of local jam faves Chroma, perform on Feb. 3 at 9:30 p.m. at Seven Bridges Grille & Brewery, 9735 Gate Parkway N., Jacksonville. Chroma appears on the upcoming compilation “Occupy This Album,� which also features artists Willie Nelson, Devo, Lucinda Williams and Yo La Tengo. Proceeds from album sales help sustain Occupy Wall Street. 997-1999.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BRICK RESTAURANT, 3585 St. Johns Ave., 387-0606 Duet every Wed. Goliath Flores and Sam Rodriguez every Thur. Bush Doctors every 1st Fri. & Sat. Live jazz every Fri. & Sat. THE CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. 3rd Bass every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith spins for Karaoke every Tue. DJ Free spins vintage every Fri. DJs SuZiRok, LowKill & Mowgli spin for Chillwave Madness every Mon. ELEVATED AVONDALE, 3551 St. Johns Ave., 387-0700 Karaoke w/ Dave Thrash every Wed. DJ 151 spins hip hop, R&B, old-school every Thur. DJ Catharsis spins lounge beats

Feb. 1

TAPPING PARTY AB Amber: 5-7pm

every 1st & 4th Sat. Patrick Evan & CoAlition for Industry Sun. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Coalition on Feb. 3. Deck Dogs on Feb. 4 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 Live music every Fri. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

THE COFFEE GRINDER, 9834 Old Baymeadows Rd., 642-7600 DJ Roy Luis spins new & vintage original house at 9 p.m. every Thur.

GATOR’S DOCKSIDE, 8650 Baymeadows Rd., 448-0500 Comfort Zone Band at 9 p.m. every Fri.

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD, 120 S. Third St., 444-8862 Kurt Lanham sings island music every Fri.-Sun. BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Billy Bowers at 5:30 p.m. on Feb. 2. 4Play at 6 p.m. on Feb. 3.

Slick Water at 5:30 p.m. on Feb. 4. Kurt Lanham at noon on Feb. 5 BLUES ROCK CAFE, 831 N. First St., 249-0007 Live music every weekend BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 DJ IBay every Tue., Fri. & Sat. DJ Ginsu every Wed. DJ Jade every Thur.

Charlie Walker every Sun. COPPER TOP, 1712 Beach Blvd., 249-4776 Karaoke with Billy McMahan, 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Open mic every Wed. CRAB CAKE FACTORY, 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza, 247-9880 Live jazz with Pierre & Co. every Wed. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 John Thomas at 6 p.m. on Feb. 7 DICK’S WINGS, 311 N. Third St., Ste. 107, 853-5004 Big Jeff at 8 p.m. every Thur. Live music at 9 p.m. every Sat. EL POTRO MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1553 Third St. N., 241-6910 Wilfredo Lopez every Wed. & Sat. ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY, 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337 Live music every Thur.

EUROPEAN STREET, 992 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Hoffman’s Voodoo from 5-8 p.m. on Feb. 5 FIONN MACCOOL’S, 333 N. First St., 242-9499 Gypsies Ginger at 8 p.m. on Live music every Thur.-Sat. FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Nate Holley every Mon. Wes Cobb every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. King Eddie reggae every Sun. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Dia Frampton on Feb. 1. Brown Bag Special, Whetherman, Pappa Million and Tobacco Pat on Feb. 3. Big Gigantic and Sir Charles on Feb. 4

Mojo

FIONN

Wednesday

Richard Smith Thursday

A1A North Friday & Saturday

Str8 Up

Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 29

ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Nick Williams on Feb. 1. Domenic Patruno on Feb. 2. Tim O’Shea on Feb. 3. Jimmy Solari on Feb. 4 LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 The Classic at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 4 LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Split Tone at 10:30 p.m. every Tue. Nate Holley every Wed. Ryan Campbell every Thur. Wits End every Sun. Little Green Men every Mon. MAYPORT TAVERN, 2775 Old Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 270-0801 Live music at 3 p.m. every Sun. Open mic at 5 p.m. every Wed. DJ Jason hosts Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., Ste. 2, 246-1500 Red Beard and Stinky E on Feb. 1. Wits End on Feb. 2. Yamadeo on Feb. 3 MEZZA LUNA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger at 6 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford and Rick Johnson at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Grandpa’s Cough Medicine and Galen Kipar at 10 p.m. on Feb. 17 MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN, 1850 S. Third St., 246-1070 Wes Cobb at 10 p.m. every Tue. DJ Austin Williams spins dance & for Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Wed., Sat. & Sun. DJ Papa Sugar spins dance music at 9 p.m. every Mon., Thur. & Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Live music nightly NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Live music every Thur.-Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 Ajamu Mutima on Feb. 1. Live music every weekend THE PIER RESTAURANT, 445 Eighth Ave. N., 246-6454 Darren Corlew and Johnny Flood at 7 p.m. every Thur. DJ Infader every Fri. Nate Holley every Sat. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Richard Smith for the AB Amber tapping party on Feb. 1. A1A North on Feb. 2. Str8Up on Feb. 3 & 4 RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 320 N. First St., 270-8565 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. SUN DOG, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 241-8221 Open mic every Tue. Live music every Tue.-Sun.

THE WINE BAR, 320 N. First St., 372-0211 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

DOWNTOWN

BURRO BAR, 228 E. Forsyth St., 353-4692 The Violent, Tyler Kennedy and Betterment on Jan. 31. DJ Tin Man spins reggae & dub every Tue. DJ SuZi-Rok spins a variety every Thur. $Big Bucks DJ Crew$ every Sat. Bert No Shirt & Uncle Jesse every Sun. CITY HALL PUB, 234 Randolph Blvd., 356-6750 DJ Skillz spins Motown, hip hop & R&B every Wed. Jazz at 11 a.m., Latin music at 9 p.m. every first Fri.; Ol’ Skool every last Fri. DIVE BAR, 331 E. Bay St., 359-9090 Live music every weekend DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth, 354-0666 Robin Rütenberg on Feb. 1. DJ Synsonic spins every Tue. & Fri. DJ Rockin’ Bones spins every Wed. DJ Scandalous spins every Sat. DJ Randall Karaoke every Mon. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 176, 374-1247 Road Less Traveled at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2. Braxton Adamson at 5:30 p.m., Spade McQuade at 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 3, at 2 p.m. on Feb. 5. Gootch at 9 p.m. on Feb. 4 THE IVY ULTRA BAR, 113 E. Bay St., 356-9200 DJs 151 The Experience & C-Lo spin every Rush Hour Wed. DJ E.L. spins top 40, South Beach & dance classics every Pure Sat. MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Vinn spins top 40 for ladies nite every Thur. Ritmo y Sabor every Fiesta Fri. BayStreet mega party with DJ Shotgun every Sat. MAVERICKS, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Thee Wreck Room with Oscar Mike and Kiss the Void on Feb. 1. Aaron Lewis (Staind) on Feb. 3. Bobby Laredo spins every Thur. & Sat. Saddle Up every Sat. NORTHSTAR THE PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Open mic night from 8:30-11:30 p.m. every Wed. THE PEARL, 1101 N. Main St., 791-4499 DJs Tom P. & Ian S. spin ’80s & indie dance every Fri. DJ Ricky spins indie rock, hip hop & electro every Sat. POPPY LOVE SMOKE, 112 E. Adams St., 354-1988 DJs Al Pete & Gene Dot spin for The Glossary at 10 p.m. every Sat. ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Open mic every Tue. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R. 220, 215-8999 DJ Ty spins for ladies’ nite every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Buck Smith Project every Mon. Blistur unplugged every Wed. RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 406 Old Hard Rd., Ste. 106, 213-7779 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Karaoke on Feb. 1. DJ BG on Feb. 2. Boogie Freaks at 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 3 & 4. DJ BG every Mon.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

BREWSTER’S PIT, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Cruel Hand on Feb. 2. Eddie Money, Brian White and Rockstar Riders on Feb. 3. Thick As Blood on Feb. 4 BREWSTER’S PUB, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Open mic every Wed. Karaoke with DJ Randal & live music every Thur., Fri. & Sat. A DJ spins every Mon. BRUCCI’S PIZZA, 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36, 223-6913 Mike Shackelford at 6:30 p.m. every Sat. and Mon. CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Rosco Caine at 9 p.m. on Feb. 3 & 4. DJ Jack spins for Karaoke dance party every Tue. & Sun. DJ Two3 spins for ladies nite every Wed. DJ Two4 spins every Thur.

JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22, 220-6766 Live music every Fri.

JULINGTON CREEK, NW ST. JOHNS

HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 683-1964 Live music at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. SHANNON’S IRISH PUB, 111 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-9670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

1904

30 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

MANDARIN

AW SHUCKS OYSTER BAR & GRILL, 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd., 240-0368 Open mic with John O’Connor from 7-10 p.m. every Wed. Cafe Groove Duo, Jay Terry & John O’Connor, from 8-11 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Sat.

BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. JOHNNY ANGELS, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120, 997-9850 Harry & Sally from 7-9 p.m. every Wed. Karaoke from 7-10 p.m. every Sat. with Gimme the Mike DJs ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Billy Buchanan on Feb. 1. Bryan Ripper on Feb. 2.

Brady Reich on Feb. 3. Druids Rock on Feb. 4 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 997-1955 Paul Haftel on Feb. 1. Charlie Walker on Feb. 2.

Nate Holley on Feb. 3. John Earle Band on Feb. 4 SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Parkway N., 997-1999 Bread & Butter at 9:30 p.m. on Feb. 3. Chuck Nash every Thur. Live music at 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music from 9 p.m.-mid. every Thur. and 6-9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. URBAN FLATS, 9726 Touchton Rd., 642-1488 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHISKY RIVER, 4850 Big Island Drive, 645-5571 A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Karaoke every Mon.

Aaron Lewis, lead singer of the multi-platinum-selling band Staind, performs on Feb. 3 at 8 p.m. at Mavericks at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. Advance tickets are $25; $35 for upstairs. 356-1110.

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 11475 San Jose Blvd., 262-4337 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Karaoke from 9 p.m.-1 p.m. Mon.-Thur. Dennis Klee & the World’s Most Talented Waitstaff every Fri. & Sat. RACK ’EM UP BILLIARDS, 4268 Oldfield Crossing, 262-4030 Craig Hand every Sat. Karaoke at 7 p.m. every Sun. SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE, 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16, 538-0811 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri. SUNBURST STUDIOS, 12641 San Jose Blvd., 485-0946 Open mic with My Friendz Band at 8:30 p.m. every Mon. Karaoke at 8:30 p.m. with DJ Tom Turner every Tue.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 1580 Wells Rd., 269-4855 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. & Sat. CRACKERS LOUNGE, 1282 Blanding Blvd., 272-4620 Karaoke every Fri. & Sat. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PARK AVENUE BILLIARDS, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Random Act from 7:30-11:30 p.m. every Mon. Bike Nite THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Josh Dyer on Feb. 2. Out of Hand on Feb. 3 & 4. Live music every Thur.-Sat. DJ Jason every Tue. DJ Israel every Wed. Buck Smith Project every Mon.

PALATKA

DOWNTOWN BLUES BAR & GRILLE, 714 St. Johns Ave., (386) 325-5454 Local talent every Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

PONTE VEDRA

LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE, 301 N. Roscoe Blvd., 285-0139 Mike Shackelford & Rick Johnson from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Tony Novelly from 6-10 p.m. every Mon. PUSSER’S CARIBBEAN GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766 Live music every Thur.-Sun. URBAN FLATS, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Darren Corlew every Tue. Soulo & Deron Baker at 6 p.m. every Wed.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

FLA RIDERS MOTORCYCLE CLUB, 243 S. Edgewood Ave. DJ DreOne spins every Wed. for open mic nite HJ’S BAR & GRILL, 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., 317-2783 Karaoke with DJ Ron at 8:30 p.m. every Tue. & DJ Richie at every Fri. Live music every Sat. Open mic at 8 p.m. every Wed. KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. LOMAX LODGE, 822 Lomax St., 634-8813 DJ Dots every Tue. Milan da Tin Man every Wed. DJ Christian every Sat. DJ Spencer every Sun. DJ Luminous every Mon. THE MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Andy Jacobs, Garrett Harbison, The Final Goodbye and Lauren Slyman at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 3. Formatta, This Armistice, Deep Space Network, Out of the Invisible and Pam Affronti on Feb. 4 PIZZA PALACE, 920 Margaret St., 598-1212 Jennifer Chase at 6:30 p.m. every Fri. YESTERDAYS SOCIAL CLUB, 3638 Park St., 387-0502 Rotating DJs spin for Pro Bono electronic music party from 7 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sun.

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 The Committee on Feb. 2, 3 & 4 AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT, 1915 A1A S., 461-0102 Fermin Spanish guitar from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Open mic on Jan. 31. The Redoers on Feb. 1. Rambling Sailors on Feb. 3 THE BRITISH PUB, 213 Anastasia Blvd., 810-5111 Karaoke with Jimmy Jamez at 9 p.m. on Feb. 3 CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Ryan Montbleau Band and Greg Humphrey on Feb. 2. Common Enemies 2 with SP and DJ Natural on Feb. 4 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, San Sebastian Winery, 157 King St., 826-1594 Mojo Roux at 7 p.m. on Feb. 4. Deron Baker at 2 p.m., The Committee at 7 p.m. on Feb. 4. Vinny Jacobs from 2-5 p.m. on Feb. 5 CHICAGO PIZZA & BAKERY, 107 Natures Walk Pkwy., Ste. 101, 230-9700 Greg Flowers hosts open-mic and jazz piano from 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Fri. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Chelsea Saddler every Sun. FLORIDA CRACKER CAFE, 81 St. George St., 829-0397 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard at 5:30 p.m. every Wed. THE GROOVE CAFE, 134 SeaGrove, St. Augustine Beach, 547-2740 Folkin’ Up the 80s from 7-10:30 p.m. on Feb. 3 HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers from 6-10 p.m. on Feb. 1 JACK’S BARBECUE, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-8100 Jim Essery at 4 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Thur.-Sat. KING’S HEAD BRITISH PUB, 6460 U.S. 1, 823-9787 Mike Sweet from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

KOZMIC BLUZ PIZZA CAFE & ALE, 48 Spanish St., 825-4805 Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Open jam nite with house band at 8 p.m. every Wed. Battle of the DJs with Josh Frazetta & Mardi Gras Mike every last Sun. MEEHAN’S IRISH PUB, 20 Avenida Menendez, 810-1923 Live music every Fri. & Sat. MI CASA CAFE, 69 St. George St., 824-9317 Chelsea Saddler noon-4 p.m. every Mon., Tue. & Thur. Elizabeth Roth at noon every Sun. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19 1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Vinny Jacobs every Tue. Todd & Molly Jones every Wed. Colton McKenna at 9 p.m. every Thur. Will Pearsall at 9 p.m. every Mon. NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Quintron and Miss Pussycat on Feb. 7 THE REEF, 4100 Coastal Hwy., Vilano Beach, 824-8008 Richard Kuncicky from 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m. every Sun. SANGRIAS WINE & TAPAS Piano Bar, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music every Thurs.-Sun. SCARLETT O’HARA’S, 70 Hypolita St., 824-6535 Billy Bowers on Feb. 4. Lil Blaze & DJ Alex hosts Karaoke every Mon. SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Deron Baker from 6-10 p.m. on Feb. 2. Chad Allen from 7:30-11:30 p.m. on Feb. 3. Clayton Bush from 7:3011:30 p.m. on Feb. 4. Live music every Fri.-Sun. THE TASTING ROOM, 25 Cuna St., 810-2400 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger from 5-8 p.m. every Sun. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Hooch at 9 p.m. on Feb. 3 & 4. Mark Hart every Mon.-Wed. Open mic every Thur. Mark Hart & Jim Carrick every Fri. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m., Mark Hart at 5 p.m. every Sat. Keith Godwin at 1 p.m., Wade at 5 p.m. every Sun. Matanzas at 9 p.m. Sun.-Thur.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

AROMAS CIGARS & WINE BAR, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live jazz from 8-11 p.m. every Tue. Beer house rock every Wed. Live music every Thur. Will Hurley every Fri. Bill Rice at 9 p.m. every Sat.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

ENDO EXO, 1224 Kings Ave., 396-7733 DJ J-Money spins jazz, soul, R&B, house every Fri. DJ Manus spins top 40 & dance every Sat. Open mic with King Ron & T-Roy every Mon. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 399-1740 Bert Quartet on Jan. 31. Jenni & Billy on Feb. 2.

Ultimate Guitar Crossing with Ernie Evans, Kent Smedley & Jacob Johnson on Feb. 7. Audrey Auld on Feb. 9. Jazz every second Tue. HAVANA-JAX CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609 MVP Band from 6-9 p.m., DJs No Fame & Dr. Doom every Wed. Jazz every Thur. American Top 40 every Fri. Salsa every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Bright Light Social Hour on Feb. 1 MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger at 7 p.m. every Thur.

PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815 Jennifer Chase at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. SQUARE ONE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 306-9004 Soul on the Square with MVP Band & Special Formula at 8 p.m.; DJ Dr. Doom at 10:30 p.m. every Mon. DJs Wes Reed & Josh Kemp spin indie dance & electro at 9 p.m. every Wed. DJs Anonymous and Mickey Shadow every Sat.

SOUTHSIDE

BOMBA’S, 8560 Beach Blvd., 997-2291 Open mic from 7-11 p.m. with Chris Hall every Tue. & every first Sun. Live music at 8 p.m. every Fri., at 6 p.m. every Sat. & at 5 p.m. every Sun. CORNER BISTRO & Wine Bar, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 1, 619-1931 Matt “Pianoman” Hall at 8 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. DAVE & BUSTER’S, 7025 Salisbury Rd. S., 296-1525 A DJ spins every Fri. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 5500 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Wil Maring & Robert Bowlin at 8 p.m. on Feb. 4 LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 Sugarbear at 8:30 p.m., VJ Shotgun at 11:30 p.m. on Feb. 3. Jared Ashley at 8:30 p.m., VJs Shotgun and Ginsu at 10 p.m. on Feb. 4. Rockinaroake at 7 p.m., DJ Mikee at 10 p.m. every Thur.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BLUE DINER CAFE, 5868 Norwood Ave., 766-7774 Jazz from 7-9 p.m. every first Thur.

BOOTS-N-BOTTLES, 12405 N. Main St., Ste. 7, Oceanway, 647-7798 Karaoke every Tue., Thur. & Sun. with DJ Dave.

Open mic every Wed. DAMES POINT MARINA, 4518 Irving Rd., 751-3043 DJ Steve at 6 p.m. for ladies’ nite on Feb. 2.

Mr. Natural at 7 p.m. on Feb. 3 & 4. David Bazzell at 3 p.m. on Feb. 5 FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4073 Live music every Fri. & Sat. ’70s every Tue. SKYLINE SPORTSBAR, 5611 Norwood Ave., 517-6973 Bigga Rankin & Cool Running DJs every Tue. & 1st Sun. Fusion Band & DJ every Thur. DJ Scar spins every Sun. THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Goliath Flores at 1 p.m. on Feb. 5. Open mic nite with Al Poindexter at 7 p.m. every Thur.

3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 Open mic every Thur. Woodie & Wyatt C. every Fri. Live music every Sat. To be listed, send all the info — band name, time, date, venue street address, city, admission price and contact number — to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email events@folioweekly.com.

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 31

You Know It

For NPR radio show personality Michael Feldman, “Whad’Ya Know?” is both the question and the answer MICHAEL FELDMAN’S WHAD’YA KNOW Saturday, Feb. 4 at 11 a.m.

The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville Tickets range from $31.50-$63.50 355-2787

little more than a quarter-century ago, an adventurous former English major and failed cab driver turned his gift for gab into a small-time radio show. Now 26 years old, Michael Feldman’s Madison, Wisc.-based talk/quiz/music show “Whad’Ya Know?” is still on the air, regularly touring these great United States in search of the odd, unusual and downright ridiculous.

Over the years, the show has garnered a cult-like following of trivia junkies, lovers of Americana and Feldman groupies. Feldman’s quick wit is always at the show’s core, and off-kilter guests provide him plenty of fodder.

Airing on WJCT 89.9 every Saturday from noon-2 p.m., Feldman’s show will be staged live at downtown Jacksonville’s Florida Theatre.

Guests include local bluegrass trio Grandpa’s Cough Medicine and University of North Florida biologist Quincy Anne Gibson.

Folio Weekly recently spoke with Feldman about his audience, his fondness for reptiles and his career options when his show finally tanks.

Folio Weekly: This is your second visit to Jacksonville. How was your first? Do you recall?

Michael Feldman: It was good. The highlight was probably the fish camp — we went to Clark’s Fish Camp — and it was great right up until the rattlesnake.

F.W.: Here in Jacksonville, you have a two-hour spot on local affiliate WJCT, longer than even the legendary “Car Talk.” How do you rank?

M.F.: I really need like three or four hours to get it all out there, but we rush through and cram it into two.

32 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

F.W.: What is your most memorable experience on the radio?

M.F.: Most memorable. Gee, that’s a tough one.

F.W.: Because they’re all so memorable, or because they’ve all been forgotten?

Interrogative Mood: Michael Feldman and his NPR radio show “Whad’Ya Know?” return to The Florida Theatre on Feb. 4.

M.F.: Well, you need to get into therapy to go through it all. I tend to cancel things out as soon as they happen. I did enjoy piloting the Goodyear blimp when I was in Canton, Ohio.

F.W.: Do you still modify the show as you go?

M.F.: It’s pretty much ossified.

F.W.: Has the audience changed, or has the demographic remained consistent?

M.F.: They’ve gotten a lot older, I’ve noticed.

your voice or your physical features.

M.F.: Isn’t that funny? I haven’t seen that at all — and I’ve really been looking for it.

F.W.: C’mon.

M.F.: Usually, they like [co-host] Jim Packard.

That really is a stunning thing for me. I can hardly ever recover from that … I did have some older ladies fighting over me one time.

We had a woman about sixtysomething say, “I’m your biggest fan.” And a 70-year-

I did have some older ladies fighting over me one time.

That was kind of exciting – for a moment. I feel like the surviving guy in a nursing home.

More people with walkers. More people come in busloads.

F.W.: So what happens when your audience, you know, dies off?

M.F.: We are hoping that they have reproduced.

Our audience has always been strange, ’cause families come and bring their kids, the 8- and 9-year-olds up through the 12-year-olds. So the kids always come, but then we lose them for a while — during puberty and high school — but they come back to us after graduate school. So we do have a slow-rolling turnover.

F.W.: So you have a future in this business.

M.F.: More past than future.

F.W.: You have had, over the years, a number of women who profess to being attracted to either

old woman leaped up and said, “No, I am.”

And then there was an 80- or 90-year-old woman who said, “I am 90 years old,” or whatever, “and I am, by far, [your] oldest and biggest fan.” That was kind of exciting — for a moment. I feel like the surviving guy in a nursing home.

F.W.: If you were not doing radio, what would you be doing?

M.F.: I do have a teaching certificate. I never renewed it. And I do have a taxi permit. Once again, I think that’s something you gotta go in every couple of years and show ’em you can see signs and things. I possibly could renew those.

I’m not sure. Other than that, I’m not prepared to do anything.

John E. Citrone themail@folioweekly.com

promise of benefit

sUpport

Ask for Action

Produced by ed Checked by

Yarn Ball: George Dawes Green (center, at microphone) and his tales-on-wheels “The Unchained Tour” roll into Jacksonville on Feb. 5.

Road Scholars

The man behind “The Moth” brings his roving gang of storytellers to Northeast Florida THE UNCHAINED TOUR Sunday, Feb. 5 at 7:30 p.m.

Thief in the Knight Gallery, 115 W. Adams St., Jacksonville Tickets are $15; go to theunchainedtour.org/events-calendar

G

eorge Dawes Green has spent most of his life spinning some kind of yarn. And judging by his track record, the novelist and storyteller knows how to please an audience. Two of Green’s books have been adapted into major motion pictures (“The Cavemen’s Valentine” and “The Juror”), and another was a critically acclaimed bestseller (“Ravens”), but his biggest success to date has been seeding the nation’s fertile storytelling soil.

In 1997, Green founded “The Moth,” a storytelling night staged at venues throughout Manhattan that invited ordinary folks to take the microphone. The events quickly became sellout successes, with fans and fellow storytellers like Salman Rushdie, Garrison Keillor, Malcolm Gladwell and Sam Shepherd showing up to participate.

The hip, urban cachet of “The Moth” was actually rooted in the sleepy South. Green was hoping to recreate some of the magic he and his friends had conjured years earlier in his native Georgia, as they sat and told stories on the front porch of the home of Green’s best friend, Wanda Bullard. There was a hole in the screen where moths would fly in, attracted to the light in the same way that Green and his pals were drawn to spoken tales.

Green no longer coordinates gatherings of “The Moth,” but the events have continued, and spread, with similar storytelling nights springing up in Los Angeles, Detroit, Chicago, Atlanta and Boston. (An NPR radio show, “Moth on the Radio,” airs on 200 stations, and is available locally via podcast.)

“People love stories and they love raconteur-style stories,” Green says. “They want stories that are personal, true and unscripted.”

Growing up in St. Simons Island, Green enjoyed spending summer nights listening to family members regale one another with Southern sagas about their own childhoods and the Civil War. “You know, I never really

went to school,” he laughingly admits. “I never graduated the eighth grade. I kind of got out kind of quickly and hitchhiked around.”

Green eventually got his GED and wound up in Manhattan, where he’s spent most of his adult life. But, he adds, “I’ve always been coming back down here over the years and I’ve always had a lot of special connections here.”

Green has called on some of those same connections for “The Unchained Tour,” a sort-of mobile storytelling troupe. Though not formally connected with “The Moth,” the people involved share Green’s zeal for tales, including Peter Aguero of the NYC “improvisational storytelling rock band” the BTK Band, “This American Life” contributor Elna Baker, novelist-actress and former editor at French Vogue, Joan Juliet Buck, awardwinning journalist Tina A. Brown, the “sloppy tonk” band Shovels & Rope and playwright Edgar Oliver. Green jokingly describes the assortment as an “elite and carefully handpicked” group, each of whom entertains audiences for roughly 10 minutes apiece.

“They’re not readings because they’re not allowed to read anything,” clarifies Green.

“You have to cook it up in your head as you go along.” Traveling in a wildly painted ’72 Blue Bird school bus, “The Unchained Tour” hits nine cities in three days, including eight in Georgia and a single Florida appearance here in Jacksonville. This idea of taking a literary “happening” on the road harkens to those trippy troubadours of the ’60s, Ken Kesey and The Merry Pranksters, but Green denies “The Unchained Tour” will be wired on primo LSD as Kesey and Co. were. “Well, you know, we should be, but unfortunately, we’re in a new era,” he laughs. “But we do kind of insist on a little bourbon drinking.”

The group uses the term “unchained” to celebrate independent bookstores and to urge independence from the Internet, which Green calls “that horrible possum that people crawl into every night.” The tour is dedicated to Wanda Bullard, a founding member of the group who recently passed away. “She was my best friend,” says Green, “and one of the greatest storytellers I will ever know.”

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 33

Sal

PERFORMANCE

MICHAEL FELDMAN’S WHAD’YA KNOW? The ever-popular NPR radio show that pits the studio and home audience against quizmaster Feldman is staged at 11 a.m. on Feb. 4 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $31.50-$63.50. A performance by Beaches bluegrass trio Grandpa’s Cough Medicine is featured.

355-2787.

SECOND CITY TOURING COMPANY The acclaimed Chicagobased comedy troupe performs at 7 p.m. on Feb. 5 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $20 and $30. 209-0367.

FIGHT TO FREEDOM Howard “Xhabbo” Lewis celebrates Black History Month with a performance featuring percussion, poems, chants and African folktales at 2 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine. 827-6900.

BEEP BEEP! A 1950S COSTUME PARTY This fundraiser costume party features a performance by championship dancers Pavel Cherdantsau and Svetlana Rudkovskaya, and a silent auction, at 7 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Bolero’s Dance Studio, 10131 Atlantic Blvd., Jacksonville. Proceeds help fund the couple’s trip to the world championships in Omsk, Russia in May. Tickets are $30. 721-3399.

THE HAVES AND THE HAVE NOTS Tyler Perry’s musical about a superficial family who learn all that glitters is not gold is staged at 8 p.m. on Feb. 1 at the T-U Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $35.50. 633-6110.

ALMOST MAINE The Theatre Department at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts presents John Cariani’s comedy about lovers on a moonless Maine night at 7:30 p.m. Feb. 1-8 at the school’s auditorium, 2445 San Diego Rd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $12. 346-5620.

DAMN YANKEES The award-winning Broadway musical about a baseball fanatic who trades his soul to the Devil to play for the New York Yankees is staged at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, St. Johns River State College, 283 College Drive, Orange Park. Tickets range from $21-$58. 276-6750.

SPOKEN WORD AND AMATEUR NIGHT The Ritz Theatre & Museum offers spoken word at 7 p.m. on Feb. 2 at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Amateur night is held at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 3; admission is $5.50. 632-5555.

NEXT TO NORMAL This Tony-winning rock musical, about a mother struggling with mental illness and addiction, is staged at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 2, at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 and 2 p.m. on Feb. 4 and 5 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25.

249-0289. playersbythesea.org THE OLDEST PROFESSION ABET presents Paula Vogel’s Reagan-era comedy, about five aging ladies of the evening trying to stay afloat in the new economy, at 8 p.m. on Feb. 2, 3 and 4 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Tickets are $15; $12 for senior, military and students. 249-7177.

HARVEY The Limelight Theatre presents Mary Chase’s classic comedy about “hare-brained” Elwood and his peculiar BFF at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 2, 3 and 4 and at 2 p.m. on Feb. 5 at 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine. Tickets are $25; $22 for seniors; $20 military and students. “Harvey” runs through Feb. 12. 825-1164.

LET’S MURDER MARSHA Orange Park Community Theatre stages Monk Ferris’ dark comedy about a botched homicide at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at 2900 Moody Ave., Orange Park.

The show runs through Feb. 4. Tickets are $15. 276-2599.

NUNSENSE The smash off-Broadway musical comedy, about nuns who put on a variety show, is staged at 8 p.m. on Jan. 31 and Feb. 1-4, at 1:15 p.m. on Feb. 4 and 2 p.m. on Feb. 5 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $42-$49. 641-1212.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

COMING OUT MONOLOGUES SEEKS SUBMISSIONS “Coming Out Monologues,” an upcoming community-based theatrical production featuring spoken word, dramatic and musical performances, seeks submissions on “coming out,” from the perspective of an LGBT individual, friend or family member. Producers reserve the right to edit material for production. Deadline is March 1. For details, email jaxcomingoutmonologues@gmail.com YOUTH ARTISTS WANTED The Betty Griffin House 2013 “Day Without Violence” Calendar Art and Poetry Project seeks work by St. Johns County student artists and poets (ages 6-18) for its upcoming calendar. For entry forms and contest rules, call 808-9984 or email education@ bettygriffinhouse.org.

BEACHES PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB Michael Straley holds the workshop “Retouching Techniques to Create a Glamour Image” from 6-9 p.m. on Feb. 6 at Beaches Branch Library, 600 Third St., Neptune Beach. The class is open to all skill levels and camera types. 240-8835, 241-1141. beachesphotographyclub.com

34 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

CALL TO ARTISTS Jacksonville Fine Arts Festival seeks original poster artwork for its festival held in Avondale’s Boone Park on March 24 and 25. The winning submission gets a free 10x10 exhibitor’s space. Send 300 dpi submissions, including name and media, to cookied@ix.netcom.com UPCOMING PLEIN AIR FEST Create! The Artists’ Guild of North Florida and The Azalea Festival present the 2012 Azalea Plein Air Spring Fling, a juried “paint out” for artists and photographers, held from Feb. 24-March 4. For details, procedures and rules, visit creativeartistsguild.org CALL FOR ARTISTS Art & About, A Neighborhood Art & Music Event, seeks arts and crafts vendors for its festival held on April 14 at Orange Park Town Hall, 2042 Park Ave., Orange Park. Arts and crafts vendors, food, kids’ activities and raffles are featured. Download a vendor application at artguildoforangepark.com

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

BERT QUARTET The jazz ensemble is in at 8 p.m. on Jan. 31 at European Street, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville.

399-1740.

CLASSICAL LUNCH IN RIVERSIDE Michelle Huang, assistant professor of music at Edward Waters College, performs at 12:30 p.m. on Feb. 1 at Riverside Presbyterian Church, 849 Park St., Jacksonville. A $6 lunch is available in the church’s reception hall. 355-4585.

PERCUSSION ENSEMBLE CONCERT Charlotte Mabrey directs UNF student percussionists in an eclectic program featuring works by Schwantner, Markovitch and “Fanfare for Tambourines” at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 2 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

STRADIVARI QUARTET The EMMA Concert Series presents this acclaimed chamber ensemble that plays instruments made by legendary instrument-maker Antonio Giacomo Stradivari (1644-1737), at 2 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Flagler College’s Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine. Tickets are $25. 797-2800.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN – ORCHESTRA WITH FILM The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra performs a live soundtrack to a screening of the swashbuckling Disney film at 3 and 8 p.m. on Feb. 4 at the T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $15-$40; $10 for children under 18. 354-5547.

SOULFUL NIGHT OF KEYS: LONNIE LISTON SMITH, MARK ADAMS, BRIAN JACKSON The Ritz Theatre & Museum presents these jazz keyboardists at 7 and 10 p.m. on Feb. 4 at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Advance tickets for each performance are $21; $25 at the door. 632-5555.

THE CLASSIC This jazz combo plays at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach.

249-2922.

JU SINGERS, CHAMBER MUSIC SOCIETY Jacksonville University Singers and Chamber Music Society of Good Shepherd perform at 6 p.m. on Feb. 5 at Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville.

387-5691.

MICHAEL FEINSTEIN This vocalist, dubbed The Ambassador of the Great American Songbook, appears at 8 p.m. on Feb. 5 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Tickets range from $40.50-$60.50. 355-2787.

PIANO RECITAL AT UNF Composer-pianist Paul Marquardt performs at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 6 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

KOGER/MATTESON JAZZ FESTIVAL This 24th annual jazz event kicks off at 10 a.m. on Feb. 7 at University of North Florida’s Lazzara Performance Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville.

620-2878.

JAZZ ON THE SOUTHSIDE The Jazzland Café features live music every Thur. from 6-9 p.m. and every Sat. at 8 p.m. at 1324 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 249-1009.

JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Live jazz is featured at 7 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., Jacksonville.

388-9551.

JAZZ AT TREE STEAKHOUSE Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville.

262-0006.

JAZZ AT GENNARO’S Gennaro’s Ristorante Italiano features live jazz at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at 5472 First Coast Highway, Fernandina Beach. 491-1999.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie features live jazz nightly at 7 p.m. at 66 Hypolita St., St. Augustine. 825-0502.

ART WALKS & FESTIVALS

FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK This self-guided tour, themed “The Vintage Years,” is held from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 1 in downtown Jacksonville, spanning a 15-block radius of galleries, museums, bars and eateries. 634-0303 ext. 230.

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK This self-guided tour features 25 participating galleries from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 3 in downtown St. Augustine. 829-0065.

He’s known primarily for interpreting the natural world, but longtime Northeast Florida artist and educator Jim Draper enters the digital realm to help create his latest endeavor. Draper has started a Kickstarter account and is accepting crowdsourced funds from Feb. 1-29. Draper hopes to help fund the design of a PDF book to be a “virtual” counterpart to “Feast of Flowers,” his spring 2013 exhibition at the Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens. The multimedia show (pictured: a progress shot of “Fountain of Youth,” oil on canvas, 6’x9’) explores the idea of nature as a consumable, vulnerable resource and celebrates the 1513 naming of Florida, “Pascua de Florida.” For details and to donate funds, go to feastofflowers.com.

JAX FASHION FESTIVAL First Coast Fashion Week is held at 7 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at The New Downtown Garage, 116 N. Pearl St., Jacksonville. The inaugural event features creations by local designers, cocktails and live music by DJ Catharsis. Tickets are $30; $65 VIP. Two-day passes are $50 in advance. For a schedule and to get tickets, go to firstcoastfashionweek.com.

MID-WEEK MARKET Arts & crafts, local produce, live music and more are featured every Wed. from 3-6 p.m. at Bull Memorial Park, corner of East Coast Drive and Seventh Street, Atlantic Beach. 247-5800.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts and local produce are offered every Fri. from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive. 353-1188.

MUSEUMS

AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378. The exhibit “Great Women of Florida” is on display through March.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530. Photographer Mark Ruwedel’s exhibit “Shelter” is on display through Feb. 24.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville, 356-6857. “Richard Chamberlin: The Year of the Sheep” is on display through July 8. “Beyond Ukiyo-e: Japanese Woodblock Prints and their influence on Western Art” is displayed through Aug. 9. “50 Forward: New Additions to the Permanent Collection” is on display from Jan. 31-Aug. 15.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Jacksonville, 356-2992. Annmarie Benavidez’ “Prophetic Art” is shown through Feb. 25. “Civil War: The Beginning,” an exhibition of original letters and documents pertaining to the start of the Civil War, is on display through April 25. The permanent collection includes a variety of rare manuscripts.

Open Tue.-Fri., 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; Sat. from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 366-6911. UNF professor Nicholas de Villiers screens 13 of Andy Warhol’s classic silent, black-and-white film screen tests from 6-8 p.m. on Feb. 1. Project Atrium features sculptor Gustavo Godoy’s installation “Empty Altar/Empty Throne” through March 11. An exhibit of work by the winners of the Northeast Florida Scholastic Art Awards runs through March. The exhibit “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s” runs through April 8. mocajacksonville.org MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville, 396-6674. An exhibit of quilts honoring fallen soldiers of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars is on display through July 22.

RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville, 632-5555. Spoken word is featured at 7 p.m. on Feb. 2, amateur night is held at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 3. Admission is $5.50. Soulful Night of Keys with Lonnie Liston Smith, Mark Adams and Brian Jackson is featured at 7 and 10 p.m. on Feb. 4. Advance tickets for each performance are $21; $25 at the door. An exhibit celebrating local African-American athletes and sports figures, “More Than a Game: AfricanAmerican Sports in Jacksonville, 1900-1975,” is currently on display. Admission is $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and seniors. Open Tue.-Sun.

GALLERIES

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 N. University Blvd., Jacksonville, 256-7371.

Jim Benedict’s and Christina Foard’s exhibit, “The Object Paraphrased,” is displayed through Feb. 15.

THE ART CENTER PREMIERE GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 355-1757. The colorthemed “Blue” show is on display through Feb. THE ART CENTER II 229 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville, 3551757. The Marsha Hatcher exhibit “Qart,” featuring art inspired by the QR code, is featured from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 1.

The exhibit “Figures” is on display through March 13.

AVONDALE ARTWORKS 3568 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville, 384-8797. The exhibit “Salvador Dali: The Argillet Collection” is on display from 6-8 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4. A meetand-greet with Mme. Christine Argillet, daughter of Dali’s publisher and confidante Pierre Argillet, is held both nights.

BEE GALLERY & DESIGN STUDIO The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 108, 419-8016. NYC-based photographer Carly Sioux’s exhibit “Village East Vanishing,” and performances by Sarah Silver and Shawn Lightfoot, are featured from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 1. Sioux’s work is on display through Feb. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. “Mermaid Magic” runs through Feb. 20.

GALLERY 1037 Reddi-Arts, 1037 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville, 398-3161. Gunnel Humphreys, Troy Eittreim and Gerry Charm are the featured artists through Feb. LUCY B. GOODING GALLERY The Bolles School, San Jose Campus, 7400 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 733-9292. The opening reception for an exhibit of works by sculptors David Ponsler and Robert Noelke is held from 7-10 p.m. on Feb. 3.

The show runs through Feb. 24.

HASKELL GALLERY Jax International Airport, 14201 Pecan Park Road, 741-3546. Recent works by sculptor Joe Segal and photographer Rick Wagner are on display through March 8.

ISLAND ART ASSOCIATION 18 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7020. Artwork by Nassau County High School students is on display through Feb. 26.

JACKSONVILLE PUBLIC MAIN LIBRARY 303 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 630-2665. David Williams’ “Moment in Time,” a photographic tour of Jacksonville’s African-American history and “Lincoln: The Constitution and the Civil War” are on display from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 1.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 6 E. Bay St., Jacksonville, 438-4358.

David Montgomery is the featured guest artist for Jan. ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., St. Augustine, 824-2310. The juried Figure & Portrait Show is mounted through Jan. 29.

SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 8292838. The opening reception for the exhibit “Paper Chase,” by Atlanta-based arts collaborative duo TindelMichi, is held from 5-11 p.m. on Feb. 3. The show runs through March 31.

STELLERS GALLERY AT PONTE VEDRA 240 A1A N., Ste. 13, Ponte Vedra Beach, 273-6065. The opening reception for an exhibit of paintings by Lois Simon and John Bunker is held from 5-8 p.m. on Feb. 3. The work is displayed through Feb. 15.

STRGHT & NRRW BOUTIQUE 205 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 742-5272. “The Art of the Steel Crane,” featuring work by the industrially inspired Barbara Fryefield and Deborah Reid, is featured from 5-9 p.m. on Feb. 1. The exhibit runs through Feb. W.B. TATTER STUDIO GALLERY 76 A San Marco Ave., St. Augustine, 823-9263. Sculpture and ceramics by John Richards and Claudia Dunaway are featured.

For a complete list of galleries, log on to folioweekly.com.

To list your event, send info – time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print – to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email dbrown@folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

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Keyed Up! The Ritz Theatre and Museum presents A Soulful Night of Keys with jazz greats Lonnie Liston Smith (pictured), Mark Adams and Brian Jackson on Feb. 4 with performances at 7 and 10 p.m. at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Smith is a pioneering soul jazz musician and has played with artists like Sam Cooke, Miles Davis For questions, and Pharaoh Sanders. Advance tickets for each performance are $21; $25 at the door. 632-5555.

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EVENTS

WATER EDUCATION FESTIVAL The city of Jacksonville Environmental Protection Board, MOSH, St. Johns Riverkeeper and St. Johns River Water Management District present this celebration of the St. Johns River from noon-4 p.m. on Feb. 4 around Friendship Fountain and at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Admission is free. 396-6674.

RECLAIMING YOUNG BLACK MEN This Urban Education Symposium discusses the economic impact of not educating young black males from 8:30 a.m.-2 p.m. on Feb. 4 at the Main Library, 303 N. Laura St., downtown. 766-6553.

FIRST COAST FASHION WEEK Local designers showcase their work at 7 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at The New Downtown Garage, 116 Pearl St., Jacksonville.

For ticket information, call 327-8685.

Proceeds benefit Meninak.

GLOBALJAX Hang with people from all over the world from 6-8 p.m. on Feb. 7 at University Club, 1301 Riverplace Blvd., Jacksonville.

Admission is free for members, $15 in advance and $20 at the door for non-members. For details, call 346-3942 or go to theglobaljax.eventbrite.com COSMIC CONCERTS Concerts for First Friday Floyd include Pink Floyd: The Wall, Matinee at 5 p.m., Pink Floyd: Wish You Were Here at 6 p.m., Pink Floyd: Dark Side of the Moon at 7 p.m. and Pink Floyd: Best of the Wall at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 in Bryan-Gooding Planetarium, at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Tickets are $5 per person per show; laser glasses cost $1. 396-7062. moshplanetarium.org FLORIDA WWII EXHIBIT “Victory Begins at Home: Florida During World War II” shows Floridians in service, military recruitment and training, the German U-boat threat and rationing, at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville, through July 8.

396-7062. themosh.org FLAGLER COLLEGE TOURS Historical tours of Flagler College’s Ponce de Leon Hotel are conducted at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. daily, departing from 74 King St., St. Augustine. Tickets are $7 for adults, $5 for St. Augustine residents with a valid ID, and $1 for kids younger than 12. 823-3378.

MIDWEEK MARKET Fresh produce, baked goods, handmade soaps, organic produce, live music and more are featured from 3-6 p.m. every Wed. at Bull Memorial Park, Atlantic Beach. Admission is free. 853-5364.

LINCOLNVILLE FARMERS’ MARKET The weekly market, held from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. every Sun. at 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, offers local and organic produce, baked goods, coffees, cheeses, prepared foods, crafts and jewelry at the south end of Lincolnville in Eddie Vickers Park. There’s a community garden, too. lincolnvillefarmersmarket.com OLDE MANDARIN CORNER MARKET Artisans and skilled craftsmen showcase their wares from noon-4 p.m. on Feb. 4 at 12447 Mandarin Rd., Jacksonville.

Local produce and food are also featured. Admission is free. promise of benefit 472-4885. oldemandarincornermarket.com MATERIALS SCIENCE EXHIBIT The hands-on exhibit, “Strange Matter,” is presented through May 13 at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. A blend of physics, chemistry and engineering, “materials science” is the field of research that studies how things are put together, how they could improved, or how they can change to create new materials. From metals to crystals to magnets to glass, “Strange Matter” digs into the science behind everyday materials. 396-6674. themosh.org

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POLITICS, BUSINESS & ACTIVISM

UNF SMALL BUSINESS CLASS “Government Contracting 101” is held from 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. on Feb. 8 at the Business Development Center at UNF, 12000 Alumni Dr., Jacksonville; cost is $40 in advance or $50 day of workshop. 620-2476. sbdc.unf.edu SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB Jerry Holland, Duval County Supervisor of Elections, is the featured speaker at noon on Feb. 8 at San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is $20. For reservations, call 396-5559.

LIBRARIES, BOOKS & WRITING

MARKETING YOUR BOOK WORKSHOP Sharon Y. Cobb offers this workshop from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. on Feb. 4 at University of North Florida, University Center, 12000 Alumni Drive, Jacksonville. Admission is $89. 620-4200. learnjacksonville.com THE BIBLE IS BLACK HISTORY Moreh Josiah Israel discusses this idea at 2 p.m. on Feb. 4 at University Park Branch Library, 3435 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. Admission is free. thespiritofyah.com THEATER PARTNERSHIP Library Writers’ Theater Partnership gathers at 6 p.m. on Jan. 31 at Anastasia Island Library, 124 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach. 209-3730.

WRITERS CRITIQUE GROUP This group gathers from 6-8:30 p.m. on the first Tue. of the month at Mandarin Library, 3330 Kori Road, Jacksonville.

Admission is free. 428-4681. cdspublicity.com

COMEDY

SECOND CITY TOURING COMPANY The Chicago-based comedy troupe performs at 7 p.m. on Feb. 5 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $20 and $30. 209-0367.

ANJELAH JOHNSON Comedy Zone Allstars appear at 8 p.m. on Jan. 31 and Feb. 1.

Comedian Anjelah Johnson appears at 6 p.m. on Feb. 4 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville.

Tickets are $23 and $28. 292-4242.

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 35

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JACKIE KNIGHT’S COMEDY CLUB Mike Weldon and Rick Sita appear at 8:30 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at 3009 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. Tickets are $8 and $12. 461-8843.

LATITUDE 30 COMEDY Comedians Mike Allen and Carin MacWhitney appear at 8 p.m. on Feb. 3 and 4 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., Jacksonville. Tickets are $13. 365-5555.

UPCOMING

FOLIO WEEKLY’S BITE CLUB Feb. 7, Taverna Yamas JEFF DUNHAM CONTROLLED CHAOS Feb. 10, Veterans Memorial Arena RAT PACK SHOW Feb. 10, 11 & 12, FSCJ’s Wilson Center THE CAPITOL STEPS Feb. 14-19, FSCJ’s Wilson Center LACROSSE CLASSIC Feb. 19, EverBank Field BLUES BROTHERS REVUE Feb. 23, T-U Center’s Moran Theater HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS March 2, Veterans Arena PRES. BILL CLINTON March 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP May 5-13, TPC Sawgrass

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NATURE, SPORTS & OUTDOORS

EDWARD WATERS BASKETBALL Sales Repwomen’s am basketball team takes on Fisk The Lady Tigers University at 5 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Edward Waters College gymnasium, 1658 Kings Road, Jacksonville. The men hit the court against Fisk Bulldogs at 7 p.m. 470-8045. ewc.edu JACKSONVILLE GIANTS The local ABA basketball team is up against the Fayetteville Flight at 7 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $8-$100.

355-6531, 630-3900. jacksonvillegiants.com BROWN BAG LUNCH LECTURE The GTM Research Reserve offers a free lunch lecture from noon-1 p.m. on Feb. 3 at the Environmental Education Center, 505 Guana River Road, Ponte Vedra. Timber Weller, Wildfire Mitigation Specialist with the Florida Forest Service, discusses prescribed fire burns and wildfire mitigation. Bring your lunch.

For reservations, call 823-4500.

RESPONSIBLE FISHING AT TALBOT ISLANDS A park ranger discusses environmentally responsible fishing practices at 2 p.m. on Feb. 4 at Ribault Club, Fort George Island Cultural State Park, 11241 Ft. George Road. No reservations are necessary and the program is free.

251-2320. floridastateparks.org ALUMNI FOOTBALL Teams from Jackson, Episcopal, Esprit de Corps, First Coast, First Coast Christian, and other area schools are forming now. Games are scheduled for March and April, but spots and game dates fill up fast. Go to gridironalumni.com to register.

(530) 410-6396.

© 2012

KIDS

PAWS, CLAWS & TAILS Adam Miller presents this musical sing-along at 4 p.m. on

36 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

Feb. 1 at Southeast Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine.

Admission is free. 827-6900.

ELEMENTARY ARTS MAGNET OPEN HOUSE Pine Forest School of the Arts holds an open house at 7 p.m. on Jan. 31 at the school, 3929 Grant Rd, Southside.

346-5600.

COMMUNITY INTEREST

MARDI GRAS FUNDRAISER Lift Up Lincolnville throws this party at 7 p.m. on Feb. 4 at the Gallimore Center, 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine. Live zydeco music, masks, beads, a live auction, gumbo — the works — are featured. Tickets are $100. Proceeds benefit the Farmers Market food stamp program. 217-0624.

SISTERS IN CRIME The Florida Sisters in Crime get together from 10:30 a.m.-noon on Feb. 4 at Southeast Regional Library, 10599 Deerwood Park Blvd., Jacksonville. International author Leighton Gage is the featured speaker. Admission is free. floridasistersincrime.com HOT PEPPER JELLY CLASS Make your own hot pepper jelly from 9 a.m.-noon or 1-4 p.m. on Feb. 6 at Duval County Extension Canning Center, 1010 N. McDuff Ave., Jacksonville. Take home your own planted tray.

Cost is $20. Registration and pre-payment are required; call 255-7450.

NAKED FOOT 5K PRE-RACE CLEANUP A beach cleanup is held from 3-5 p.m. on Feb. 3 at Anastasia State Park, 1340 A1A, St. Augustine, in preparation for the race at 8:50 a.m. on Feb. 4. A free kids fun run, all-grass one-mile race, foot massages, Tarahumara barefoot games, live music, healthy-living vendors and prizes are featured on Saturday, and gently worn footwear and donations for Soles4Souls are collected. For details, visit thenakedfoot5k.com

CLASSES & GROUPS

DEPRESSION BIPOLAR SUPPORT GROUP The DBSA support group meets from 5:30-7 p.m. every Wed. at River Point Behavioral Health’s Outpatient Building, 6300 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 343-6511 or 964-9743.

Q-GROUP ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS This free, open discussion is held at 5:30 p.m. Mon.-Fri. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Jacksonville. alcoholicanonymous.org DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR SUPPORT ALLIANCE This support group meets from 6-7:30 p.m. every Tue. at Baptist Medical Center, 800 Prudential Drive, Jacksonville. For more information, call 616-6264 or 294-5720.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Do you have a drug problem? Maybe they can help. 3586262, 723-5683. serenitycoastna.org, firstcoastna.org NICOTINE ANONYMOUS (NIC-A) Want to quit smoking or using other forms of nicotine? Nic-A is free, and you don’t have to quit to attend the meetings, held at 6:30 p.m. every Tue. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Southside. 378-6849. nicotineanonymous.org NAR-A-NON This group meets at 8 p.m. every Tue. and Thur. at 4172 Shirley Ave., Avondale. 945-7168.

To get in this listing, email the time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to events@folioweekly.com or click the link in our Happenings section at folioweekly.com. Events are included on a spaceavailable basis.

Broad sense of humor! Comedian Anjelah Johnson appears on Feb. 4 at 6 p.m. at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville. Best known for playing the rude fast-food worker Bon Qui Qui on MADtv, Johnson addresses the highs and lows of being a woman in contemporary society. Tickets are $23 and $28. 292-4242.

DINING GUIDE KEY

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

(In Fernandina Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE BEECH STREET GRILL Fine dining in a casual atmosphere. The menu includes fresh local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes created with a variety of ethnic influences.

Award-winning wine list. FB. L, Wed.-Fri.; D, nightly; Sun. brunch. 801 Beech St. 277-3662. $$$ BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ F At the foot of Centre Street, the upscale restaurant overlooks the Harbor Marina. The menu includes daily specials, fresh Florida seafood and an extensive wine list. FB. L & D, daily. 1 S. Front St. 261-2660. $$$ BRIGHT MORNINGS The small café offers freshly baked goods. B & L daily. 105 S. Third St. 491-1771. $$ CAFÉ 4750 At the Italian kitchen and wine bar, Chef de Cuisine Garrett Gooch offers roasted sea bass, frutti di mare soup, clam linguini, panatela bruschetta and fresh gelatos. Dine indoors or on the terrace. FB. B, L & D, daily. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$$ CAFÉ KARIBO F Eclectic cuisine, served under the oaks in historic Fernandina, features sandwiches and chef’s specials.

Alfresco dining. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sat.; L, Sun. & Mon. 27 N. Third St. 277-5269. $$ CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY F European-style breads, pastries, croissants, muffins and pies baked daily. 1014 Atlantic Ave. 491-4663. $ EIGHT Contemporary sports lounge offers burgers, sandwiches, wings and nachos. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Fri. & Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

277-1100. $$ FERNANDELI F Classics with a Southern touch, like a onethird-pound devil dog, Reubens and pulled pork. Sandwiches and wraps built to order from fresh cold cuts, tuna, egg and turkey salads. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 17B S. Eighth St. 261-0008. $ GENNARO’S RISTORANTE ITALIANO F Southern Italian cuisine: pasta, gourmet ravioli, hand-tossed pizzas. Specialties are margharita pizza and shrimp feast. Bread is baked on-site.

CM, BW. L & D, daily. 5 S. Second St., 261-9400. 5472 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island, 491-1999. $$ HALFTIME SPORTS BAR & GRILL F Sports bar fare includes onion rings, spring rolls, burgers, wraps and wings. Plenty of TVs show nearly every sport imaginable. L & D, daily. BW. 320 S. Eighth St. 321-0303. $ HAPPY TOMATO COURTYARD CAFE & BBQ Pulled pork sandwich, chicken salad and walnut chocolate chunk cookie, served in a laid-back atmosphere. BW. CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 7 S. Third St. 321-0707. $$ JACK & DIANE’S F Casual cafe offers steak & eggs, pancakes, Cajun scampi, etouffée, curry pizza, vegan black bean cakes, shrimp & grits, hand-carved steaks. FB. B, L & D, daily. 708 Centre St. 321-1444. $$ JOE’S 2ND STREET BISTRO Elegant island atmosphere. NY strip steak with sauces, Maine crab cakes, seafood fricassee and roast chicken penne pasta. BW. CM. D, nightly. 14 S. Second St. 321-2558. $$$ KABUKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Teppanyaki masters create your meal; plus a 37-item sushi bar. BW. D, Tue.-Sun. Amelia Plaza. 277-8782. $$ KELLEY’S COURTYARD CAFE F She crab soup, salads, fried green tomatoes, sandwiches and wraps are served indoors or out on the patio. Vegetarian dishes are also offered. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 19 S. Third St. 432-8213. $ LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE F An innovative lunch menu includes po’boys and seafood “little plates” served in a historic house. Dinner features fresh local seafood. Nightly specials. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations recommended. 11 S. Seventh St. 432-8394. $$ MONTEGO BAY COFFEE CAFE Locally owned and operated, with specialty coffees, fruit smoothies. Dine in or hit the drivethru. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 463363 S.R. 200, Yulee. 225-3600. $ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Northernstyle pizza by the pie or the slice. Choose from more than 20 toppings. Owner-selected wines and a large beer selection.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 925 S. 14th St. 321-3400. $ THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE Organic eatery, juice bar. Extensive menu features vegetarian, vegan items. Daily specials: local seafood, free-range chicken, fresh organic produce. CM. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 833 TJ Courson Rd. 277-3141. $$ O’KANE’S IRISH PUB F Rustic, genuine Irish pub up front, eatery in back, featuring daily specials, fish-n-chips, and soups served in a sourdough bread bowl. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sun. 318 Centre St. 261-1000. $$ PEPPER’S MEXICAN GRILL & CANTINA F The family restaurant offers authentic Mexican cuisine. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 520 Centre St. 272-2011. $$ PICANTE GRILL ROTISSERIE BAR F Flavors of Peru and Latin America, served in a modern atmosphere. Authentic

Walter Coker

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer, Wine FB = Full Bar CM = Children’s Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast L = Lunch D = Dinner F = Folio Weekly distribution point Send changes to mdryden@folioweekly.com

Peruvian cebiche and homestyle empanadas. BW, CM, TO. B, L & D daily.

464073 S.R. 200, Ste. 2, Yulee.

310-9222. $$ PLAE In Omni Amelia Island Plantation’s Spa & Shops, the cozy venue offers an innovative and PLAEful dining experience. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, nightly.

277-2132. $$$ SALT, THE GRILL Best of Jax 2011 winner. Elegant dining featuring local seafood and produce, served in a contemporary coastal setting. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

491-6746. $$$$ SANDOLLAR RESTAURANT & MARINA F Dine inside or on the deck. Snow crab legs, fresh fish, shellfish dishes. FB. L & D, daily. 9716 Heckscher Dr., Ft. George Island. 251-2449. $$ SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL F Oceanfront dining; local seafood, shrimp, crab cakes, outdoor beachfront tiki & raw bar, covered deck and kids’ playground. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 277-6652. $$ THE SURF F Dine inside or on the large oceanview deck. Steaks, fresh fish, shrimp and nightly specials. Late-night menu. FB. L & D, daily. 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 261-5711. $$ TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES F The name pretty much says it all. Tasty’s offers burgers (Angus beef, turkey or veggie) and fries (like cheese fries, sweet The staff at Aromas Beerhouse serves specialties like ahi tuna with sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger and triple meat French dip, along with a wide variety of fine beers, on Jacksonville’s Southside Boulevard. potato fries), along with dogs, shakes, floats and soup. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, BW. 710 Centre St. 321-0409. $ THE FOX RESTAURANT F The Fox has been a Jacksonville T-RAY’S BURGER STATION F A favorite local spot; Best Creek), 737-7740; 8616 Baymeadows Rd. 739-2498. landmark for 50-plus years. Owners Ian & Mary Chase serve of Jax 2011 winner. Grilled or blackened fish sandwiches, larryssubs.com $ classic diner-style fare, homemade desserts. B & L daily. 3580 homemade burgers. BW, TO. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 202 S. Eighth St. LEMONGRASS F Upscale Thai cuisine in a metropolitan St. Johns Ave. 387-2669. $ 261-6310. $ atmosphere. Chef Aphayasane’s innovative creations include GREEN MAN GOURMET Organic and natural products, spices, 29 SOUTH EATS F Part of historic Fernandina Beach’s roast duckling and fried snapper. BW. R. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.teas, salts, BW. Open daily. 3543 St. Johns Ave. 384-0002. $ downtown scene. Award-winning Chef Scotty serves Sat. 9846 Old Baymeadows Rd. 645-9911. $$ MOJO NO. 4 F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3572 traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, MANDALOUN MEDITERRANEAN CUISINE F The Lebanese St. Johns Ave. 381-6670. $$ Mon.-Sat.; Sun. brunch. 29 S. Third St. 277-7919. $$ restaurant offers authentic cuisine: lahm meshwe, kafta ORSAY Best of Jax 2011 winner. The French/American bistro khoshkhas and baked filet of red snapper. CM, FB. L & D, daily. focuses on craftsmanship and service. FB. D, Tues.-Sat.; 9862 Old Baymeadows Rd. 646-1881. $$ Brunch & D, Sun. 3630 Park St. 381-0909. $$$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax EAST COAST BUFFET F A 160+ item Chinese, Japanese, TOM & BETTY’S F A Jacksonville tradition for more than 30 2011 winner. The organic supermarket offers a full deli and a American and Italian buffet. Dine in, take out. FB. L & D, Mon.years, Tom & Betty’s serves hefty sandwiches with classic car hot bar with fresh soups, quesadillas, rotisserie chicken and Sat.; Sun. brunch. 9569 Regency Sq. Blvd. N. 726-9888. $$ themes, along with homemade-style dishes. CM, FB. L & D, vegan sushi, as well as a fresh juice and smoothie bar. 11030 KABUTO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR Steak & Mon.-Sat. 4409 Roosevelt Blvd. 387-3311. $$ Baymeadows Rd. 260-2791. $ shrimp, filet mignon & lobster, shrimp & scallops, a sushi bar, ’town F Owner Meghan Purcell and Executive Chef Scott OMAHA STEAKHOUSE Center-cut beef, seafood, sandwiches teppanyaki grill and traditional Japanese cuisine. CM, FB. L & Ostrander bring farm-to-table to Northeast Florida, offering served in an English tavern atmosphere. The signature dish D, daily. 10055 Atlantic Blvd. 724-8883. $$$ American fare with an emphasis on sustainability. FB. L & D, is a 16-ounce bone-in ribeye. Desserts include crème brûlée.

LA NOPALERA Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

Mon.-Sat. 3611 St. Johns Ave. 345-2596. $$ FB. L & D, daily. 9300 Baymeadows Rd., Embassy Suites Hotel.

8818 Atlantic Blvd. 720-0106. $ 739-6633. $$ MEEHAN’S TAVERN F The Irish pub and restaurant serves ORANGE TREE HOT DOGS F Hot dogs with slaw, chili beef and Guinness stew, Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, cheese, sauerkraut; and small pizzas. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 8380 AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 8060 traditional lamb stew, jalapeño poppers, in a comfy place. BW. Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 4. 733-0588. orangetreehotdogs.com $ Philips Hwy. 731-4300. $ L & D, Wed.-Sun. 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5. 551-7076. $$ PATTAYA THAI GRILLE F Traditional Thai and vegetarian NERO’S CAFE F Traditional Italian fare, including seafood, BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA F Family-owneditems and a 40-plus item vegetarian menu served in a veal, beef, chicken and pasta dishes. Weekly specials are &-operated New York-style pizzeria serves hand-tossed, contemporary atmosphere. B/W. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 lasagna, 2-for-1 pizza and AYCE spaghetti. CM, FB. L, Sun.; D, brick-oven-baked pizza, traditional Italian dinners, wings, subs.

Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1. 646-9506. $$ daily. 3607 University Blvd. N. 743-3141. $$ Delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 10920 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 3.

PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 3928 Baymeadows Rd. REGENCY ALE HOUSE & RAW BAR Generous portions and 519-8000. $$ 527-8649. $$ friendly service in a nautical atmosphere. Fresh fish, specialty CAFE CONFLUENCE F The European coffeehouse serves STICKY FINGERS F Memphis-style rib house specializes in pastas, fresh oysters and clams. BW. L & D, daily. 9541 Italian specialty coffees and smoothies, along with paninis, barbecue ribs served several ways. FB. L & D, daily. 8129 Point Regency Square Blvd. S. 720-0551. $$ salads and European chocolates. Outdoor dining. BW. L & D, Meadows Way. 493-7427. $$ TREY’S DELI & GRILL F Fresh food served in a relaxed Tue.-Sun. 8612 Baymeadows Rd. 733-7840. $ UDIPI CAFE Authentic South Indian vegetarian cuisine. L & D, CHA-CHA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT F Owner Celso atmosphere. Burgers, Trey’s Reuben, deli sandwiches, pork, Tue.-Fri. 8642 Baymeadows Rd. 402-8084. $ Alvarado offers authentic Mexican fare with 26 combo dinners steaks, seafood, pies. Prime rib specials every Fri. night. CM, VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 9910 Old and specialty dishes including chalupas, enchiladas, burritos.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 2044 Rogero Rd. 744-3690. $$ Baymeadows Rd. 641-7171. $ FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd. 737-9903. $$ UNIVERSITY DINER F The popular diner serves familiar CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F Chicago-style deepbreakfast fare and lunch like meatloaf, burgers, sandwiches: dish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from the Comastro wraps, BLTs, clubs, melts. Daily specials. BW. B & L, Sat. & (In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.) family, serving authentic Windy City favorites for 25+ years.

Sun.; B, L & D, Mon.-Fri. 5959 Merrill Rd. 762-3433. $ A LA CARTE Authentic New England fare like Maine lobster CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy. 731-9797. $$ rolls, fried Ipswich clams, crab or clam cake sandwich, fried DEERWOOD DELI & DINER F The ’50s-style diner serves shrimp basket, haddock sandwich, clam chowdah, birch beer malts, shakes, Reubens, Cubans, burgers, and traditional BISCOTTIS F Mozzarella bruschetta, Avondale pizza, and blueberry soda. Dine inside or on the deck. TO. L, Fri.-Tue. breakfast items. CM. B & L, daily. 9934 Old Baymeadows Rd. sandwiches, espresso, cappuccino. Revolving daily specials. B, 331 First Ave. N. 241-2005. $$ 641-4877. $$ Tue.-Sun.; L & D, daily. 3556 St. Johns Ave. 387-2060. $$$ AL’S PIZZA F Serving hand-tossed gourmet pizzas, calzones THE FIFTH ELEMENT F Authentic Indian, South Indian and THE BLUE FISH RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR Fresh seafood, and Italian entrees for more than 21 years. Voted Best Pizza by Indochinese dishes made with artistic flair. Lunch buffet steaks and more are served in a casual atmosphere. HalfFolio Weekly readers from 1996-2011. BW. L & D, daily. 303 includes lamb, goat, chicken, tandoori and biryani items. CM. L portions are available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 3551 St. Johns Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-0002. $ & D, daily. 9485 Baymeadows Rd. 448-8265. $$ ANGIE’S SUBS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Subs are madeAve., Shoppes of Avondale. 387-0700. $$$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 8650 Baymeadows to-order fresh. Serious casual. Wicked good iced tea. 1436 BRICK RESTAURANT F Creative all-American fare like tuna Rd. 448-0500. $$ Beach Blvd. 246-2519. $ tartare, seaweed salad and Kobe burger. Outside dining. FB. L INDIA RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Extensive BEACH BUDS CHICKEN F The family-owned place serves & D, daily. 3585 St. Johns Ave. 387-0606. $$$ menu of entrées, clay-oven grilled Tandoori specialties and marinated fried or baked chicken: family meals (kids like THE CASBAH F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Middle Eastern chicken tandoor, fish, seafood and korma. L, Mon.-Sat., D, Peruvian nuggets), box lunches, gizzards, livers, 15 sides and cuisine is served in a friendly atmosphere. BW. L & D, daily. daily. 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8. 620-0777. $$ fried or blackened shrimp, fish, conch fritters, deviled crabs.

3628 St. Johns Ave. 981-9966. $$ LARRY’S GIANT SUBS F With locations all over Northeast TO. L & D, daily. 1289 Penman Road. 247-2828. $ ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE F Gauchos carve the Florida, Larry’s piles subs up with fresh fixins and serves ’em BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET F The meat onto your plate from serving tables. FB. D, Tue.-Sun., fast. Some Larry’s Subs offer B & W and/or serve breakfast. full fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, closed Mon. 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40. 388-4884. $$$ CM. L & D, daily. 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9 (Goodby’s

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

BAYMEADOWS

BEACHES

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 37

GRILL ME! A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ

NAME: Abraham Gungor RESTAURANT: Taverna Yamas, 9753 Deer Lake Court, St. Johns Town Center BIRTHPLACE: Istanbul

YEARS IN THE BUSINESS: 26

Walter Coker

FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than my own): Kobe Japanese Steak House, Orlando FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Greek, Italian.

FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Extra virgin olive oil, fresh lemon juice, garlic, rosemary and thyme.

IDEAL MEAL: Thalassino, a seafood platter of lobster tail, shrimp, scallops, mussels, clams and grouper, baked in a fresh tomato-garlic wine sauce.

WOULDN’T EAT IF YOU PAID ME: I’ll try anything once.

INSIDER’S SECRET: The customer comes first; we do our best because they deserve the best.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING AT TAVERNA: Stacy Spanos, John Peyton and some Jaguar players.

CULINARY GUILTY PLEASURE: Nutella.

oyster baskets, Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or outside. Beach delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 120 S. Third St. 444-8862. $$ BONGIORNO’S PHILLY STEAK SHOP F South Philly’s Bongiorno clan imports Amoroso rolls for Real Deal cheesesteak, Original Gobbler, clubs, wraps, burgers, dogs. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2294 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach. 246-3278. $$ BONO’S PIT BAR-B-Q F Baby back ribs, fried corn, sweet potatoes. BW. L & D, daily. 1307 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach.

270-2666. 1266 S. Third St. 249-8704. bonosbarbq.com $ BUDDHA’S BELLY F Authentic Thai dishes made with fresh ingredients using tried-and-true recipes. FB, TO. L & D, daily.

301 10th Ave. N. 372-9149. $$ BURRITO GALLERY EXPRESS F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

The Gallery’s kid sister at the beach each is mostly take-out; same great chow, fast service. 1333 Third St. N. 242-8226. $ CAMPECHE BAY CANTINA F Homemade-style Mexican items are fajitas, enchiladas and fried ice cream, plus margaritas. FB. D, nightly. 127 First Ave. N. 249-3322. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield.

2429 S. 3rd St. 372-9000. $ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 320 N. First St. 270-8565. $$ COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE F (Formerly The Homestead) The menu features Southern favorites like fried chicken, collards, biscuits and cornbread, as well as fresh seafood, steaks, burgers and chops, served in a family atmosphere inside a cozy log cabin. CM, FB. Sunday brunch; L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1712 Beach Blvd. 249-4776. $$ CRAB CAKE FACTORY JAX F Chef Khan Vongdara presents an innovative menu of seafood dishes and seasonal favorites.

FB. L & D daily. 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza. 247-9880. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner, serving burgers, sandwiches, nachos, tacos, quesadillas and cheese fries. 319 23rd Ave. S. 270-0356. $ CULHANE’S IRISH PUB Four Culhane sisters own and operate the authentic Irish pub, with faves Guinness stew, lamb sliders and fish pie. L, Fri.-Sun.; D, Tue.-Sun.; weekend brunch. FB, CM. 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-9595. $$ CYCLONES TEX-MEX CANTINA F The place has freshly made Tex-Mex favorites, including fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, tamales and taco salad. Lunch combos include Mexican rice and beans. FB. L & D, daily. 1222 Third St. S. 694-0488. $$ DICK’S WINGS F The NASCAR-themed place serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and salads. BW, TO. L & D daily. 2434 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 372-0298. 311 N. Third St., 853-5004. $ DWIGHT’S The Mediterranean-style bistro features fresh local seafood, filet mignon, mixed grill and an extensive wine list. D, Tue.-Sat. 1527 Penman Rd. 241-4496. $$$$ ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Jax Beach restaurant serves gastropub fare like soups, salads, flatbreads and specialty sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Daily specials, too. CM, BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217. 249-2337. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 992 Beach Blvd. 249-3001. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Casual dining with uptown Irish flair, including fish and chips, Guinness beef stew and black-and-tan brownies. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 242-9499. $$ THE FISH COMPANY F Fresh, local seafood is served, including Mayport shrimp, fish baskets, grilled tuna and an oyster bar. L & D, daily. CM, FB. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 12, Atlantic Beach. 246-0123. $$ HALA SANDWICH SHOP & BAKERY Authentic Middle Eastern

38 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

favorites include gyros, shwarma, pita bread, made fresh daily.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 1451 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach.

249-2212. $$ HOT DOG HUT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. All-beef hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, crab cakes, beer-battered onion rings and French fries. B. L, daily. 1439 Third St. S. 247-8886. $ ICHIBAN F Three dining areas: teppan or hibachi tables (watch a chef prepare your food), a sushi bar and Westernstyle seating offering tempura and teriyaki. FB, Japanese plum wine. L & D, daily. 675 N. Third St. 247-4688. $$ LYNCH’S IRISH PUB The full-service restaurant offers corned beef and cabbage, Shepherd’s pie and fish-n-chips.

30+ beers on tap. FB. L, Sat. & Sun., D, daily. 514 N. First St. 249-5181. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1080 Third St. N. 241-5600. $ MEZZA LUNA F A Beaches tradition for 20-plus years.

Great food, from gourmet wood-fired pizzas to contemporary American cuisine. Inside or patio dining. Extensive wine list.

CM, FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 110 First St., Neptune Beach.

249-5573. $$$ MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Traditional slow-cooked Southern barbecue served in a blues bar atmosphere. Favorites are pulled pork, Texas brisket and slow-cooked ribs. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1500 Beach Blvd.

247-6636. $$ MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN F For 25-plus years, Monkey’s has served pub grub, burgers, sandwiches, seafood and wings.

Dine inside or out on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1850 S. Third St. 246-1070. $ NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Executive Chef Kenny Gilbert’s cuisine features local fare and innovative dishes, served in an island atmosphere. Dine inside or out on the tiki deck. FB. L & D, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 2309 Beach Blvd. 247-3300. $$ NORTH BEACH BISTRO Casual dining with an elegant touch, like slow-cooked veal osso buco; calypso crusted mahi mahi with spiced plantain chips. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach. 372-4105. $$$ OCEAN 60 A prix fixe menu is offered. Continental cuisine, with fresh seafood, nightly specials and a changing seasonal menu.

Dine in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. D, Mon.Sat. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 247-0060. $$$ PACO’S MEXICAN GRILL Serving Baja-style Mexican cuisine, featuring carne asada, tacos, burritos, fish tacos and shrimp burritos. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 333 First St. N. 208-5097. $ PARSONS SEAFOOD RESTAURANT F The family-style restaurant has an outdoor patio and an extensive menu, including the mariner’s platter and the Original Dreamboat.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 904 Sixth Ave. S. 249-0608. $$ THE PIER RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The oceanfront restaurant offers fresh, local fare served on two floors — upstairs, it’s Chef’s Menu, with stuffed flounder, pork tenderloin, appetizers. Downstairs bar and patio offer casual items, daily drink specials. CM, FB. D, daily; L & D, weekends; brunch, Sun. 412 First St. N. 246-6454. $$ PHILLY’S FINEST F Authentic Philly-style cheesesteaks made with imported Amorosa rolls. Hoagies, wings and pizza ... cold beer, too. FB. L & D, daily. 1527 N. Third St. 241-7188. $$ RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Beaches landmark serves grilled seafood with a Cajun/Creole accent. Hand-crafted cold beer. FB. L & D, daily.

207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. $$ SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK F Best of Jax 2011 winner. An array of specialty menu items, including signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos and local fried shrimp, in a

casual, trendy open-air space. FB, TO, CM. L & D, daily. 1018 Third St. N. 372-4456. $$ SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. 111 Beach Blvd. 482-1000. $$ SUN DOG STEAK & SEAFOOD F Eclectic American fare, art deco décor with an authentic diner feel. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221. $$ TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA F Fresh, Baja-style Mexican fare, with a focus on fish tacos and tequila, as well as fried cheese, bangin’ shrimp and verde chicken tacos. Valet parking. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1183 Beach Blvd. 249-8226. $$ TROPICAL SMOOTHIE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. With 12 locations in Northeast Florida, Tropical Smoothie’s got us covered. Serving breakfast, wraps, sandwiches, flatbreads and smoothies — lowfat, fruity, coffees, supplements. CM. Open daily. 1230 Beach Blvd., 242-4940. 251 Third St., Neptune Beach, 247-8323. $ THE WINE BAR The casual neighborhood place has a tapasstyle menu, fire-baked flatbreads and a wine selection. Tue.Sun. 320 N. First St. 372-0211. $$

DOWNTOWN

(The Jacksonville Landing venues are at 2 Independent Drive) ADAMS STREET DELI & GRILL The lunch spot serves wraps, including grilled chicken, and salads, including Greek salad. L, Mon.-Fri. 126 W. Adams St. 475-1400. $$ BURRITO GALLERY & BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Southwest cuisine, traditional American salads. Burritos and more burritos. Onsite art gallery. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-2922. $ CAFÉ NOLA AT MOCA JAX On the first floor of Museum of Contemporary Art, Cafe Nola serves shrimp and grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Thur. 333 N. Laura St. 366-6911 ext. 231. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. The Jacksonville Landing. 354-7747. $$$ CITY HALL PUB A sports bar vibe: 16 big-screen HDTVs. Angus burgers, dogs, sandwiches, AYCE wings buffet. FB. Free downtown area lunch delivery. L & D, daily. 234 Randolph Blvd.

356-6750. $$ DE REAL TING CAFE F The popular restaurant offers a Caribbean lunch buffet Tue.-Fri. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 128 W. Adams St. 633-9738. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Brand new location. See Beaches. FB, CM. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176. 374-1247. $$ INDOCHINE Best of Jax 2011 winner. Serving Thai and Southeast Asian cuisine in the core of downtown. Signature dishes include favorites like chicken Satay, soft shell crab, and mango and sticky rice for dessert. BW, FB, TO. L, Mon.-Fri., D, Tue.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-5303. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE Family-owned-and-operated.

Jenkins offers beef, pork, chicken, homemade desserts. L & D, daily. 830 N. Pearl St. 353-6388. $ TRELLISES HYATT REGENCY This American cuisine restaurant offers a breakfast buffet with made-to-order omelet station and a la carte items. Signature lunch and dinner entrees include grouper salad, Angus burgers, Reubens, French onion grilled cheese, seafood and steaks. Wed. night Pastabilities.

CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 225 East Coastline Dr. 634-4540. $$$ KOJA SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Sushi, Japanese, Asian and Korean cuisine. Indoor and outdoor dining and bar.

FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing. 350-9911. $$ NORTHSTAR SUBSTATION F This place features brick-ovenbaked pizzas, grinders, wings, Philly cheesesteaks, custom sandwiches and fries served in a laid-back setting. FB, 27 beers on draft. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 119 E. Bay St. 860-5451. $ OLIO MARKET F Freshly prepared sandwiches, salads, soups and entrées. In the Churchwell Lofts building, Olio partners eclectic tastes with Old World ambiance in a casual renovated space. L, Mon.-Fri.; late Art Walk. 301 E. Bay St. 356-7100. $$ THE SKYLINE DINING & CONFERENCE CENTER Weekday lunch includes salad bar, hot meals and a carving station. L, Mon.-Fri.; L, Sun. upon request. FB. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 3550.

791-9797. $$ VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic Italian oven-baked pasta dishes, pizza, veal, chicken and seafood items made with fresh ingredients. CM, FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 174. 355-0064. $$ ZODIAC GRILL F Serving Mediterranean cuisine and American favorites, with a popular lunch buffet. FB. L & D, daily. 120 W. Adams St. 354-8283. $

FLEMING ISLAND

CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 406 Old Hard Road, Ste. 106. 213-7779. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F See Riverside. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 1915 East West Pkwy., 541-0009. $ HONEY B’S CAFE Breakfast includes omelets, pancakes, French toast. Lunch offers entrée salads, quiches, build-yourown burgers. Peanut butter pie is a favorite. Tea parties every Sat. B & L, daily. 3535 U.S. 17, Ste. 8. 264-7325. $$ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100. 215-2223. $ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1800 Town Center Pkwy.

541-1999. $ MOJO SMOKEHOUSE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. FB. L & D, daily. 1810 Town Ctr. Blvd. 264-0636. $$ WHITEY’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

The renowned seafood place, family-owned since 1963, specializes in AYCE freshwater catfish. Also steaks, pastas.

Outdoor waterfront dining. Come by car, boat or bike. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 2032 C.R. 220. 269-4198. $

INTRACOASTAL

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 14286 Beach Blvd. (at San Pablo Rd.) 223-0991. $ BIG DAWG’S SPORTS RESTAURANT F The family-friendly casual sports restaurant offers wings, burgers, sandwiches, wraps and specialty salads. Kids can choose from the Puppy Chow menu. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12630 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4.

551-3059. $$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA, PASTA, PANINIS F Brucci’s offers authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas and desserts in a family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36. 223-6913. $ CLIFF’S ROCKIN’ BAR-N-GRILL F Cliff’s features 8-ounce burgers, wings, steak, seafood, homemade pizza and daily specials. FB. L & D, daily. Smoking permitted. 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, Cobblestone Plaza. 645-5162. $$ ISTANBUL MEDITERRANEAN & ITALIAN CUISINE F A varied menu offers European cuisine including lamb, beef and chicken dishes, as well as pizza and wraps. BW. L & D, daily.

13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 26. 220-9192. $$ JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE F The menu includes wings, hamburgers, Ahi tuna and handcut steaks. CM, FB. Daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22. 220-6766. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Family-ownedand-operated, serving authentic Mexican cuisine, like tamales, fajitas, pork tacos, in a casual family atmosphere. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd. 992-1666. $ MILANO’S RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA Homemade Italian cuisine, breads, pizzas, calzones and specialty dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 646-9119. $$ THAI ORCHID F The restaurant serves authentic Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, including pad Thai, Thai curry dishes and rice dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 683-1286. $$ TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL F Wings, gourmet pizza, fresh seafood and specialty wraps. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5. 223-6999. $$

JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS

BLACKSTONE GRILLE The menu blends flavors from a variety of cultures and influences for modern American fusion cuisine, served in a bistro-style setting. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri., D, Sat.; Sun. brunch. 112 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 102. 287-0766. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F See Intracoastal. 540 S.R. 13, Ste. 10, Fruit Cove. 287-8317. $$ HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE F Wings, big salads, burgers, wraps and sandwiches. Sports events on HDTVs. CM, FB. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101. 683-1964. $ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk.

230-2171. $ VINO’S PIZZA Vino’s Pizza – with four Jacksonville locations – makes all their Italian and American dishes with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. 605 S.R. 13, Ste. 103. 230-6966. $ WAKAME JAPANESE & THAI CUISINE F The fine dining restaurant offers authentic Japanese and Thai cuisine, including a full sushi menu, curries and pad dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 108. 230-6688. $$

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 11190 San Jose Blvd. 260-4115. $ AW SHUCKS F The seafood place features an oyster bar, steaks, seafood, wings and pasta. Favorites are ahi tuna, shrimp & grits, oysters Rockefeller, pitas and kabobs. Sweet potato puffs are the signature side. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd. 240-0368. $$ THE BLUE CRAB CRABHOUSE F A Maryland-style crabhouse featuring fresh blue crabs, garlic crabs, and king, snow and Dungeness crab legs. FB, CM. D, Tue.-Sat.; L & D, Sun. 3057 Julington Creek Rd. 260-2722. $$ BROOKLYN PIZZA F The traditional pizzeria serves New Yorkstyle pizza, specialty pies, and subs, strombolis and calzones.

BW. L & D, daily. 11406 San Jose Blvd. 288-9211. 13820 St. Augustine Rd. 880-0020. $ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield. L & D, daily. 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd. 619-8186. $$ CLARK’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Clark’s has steak, ribs, AYCE catfish dinners, 3-pound prime rib. Dine in, out or in a creek-view glass-enclosed room. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 12903 Hood Landing Rd. 268-3474. $$ DON JUAN’S RESTAURANT F Authentic Mexican dishes prepared daily from scratch, served in a casual atmosphere.

FB, CM. L & D, daily. 12373 San Jose Blvd. 268-8722. $$ GIGI’S RESTAURANT Breakfast buffet daily, lunch buffet weekdays. The Comedy Zone (Best of Jax 2011 winner) has an appetizer menu. FB. B, L & D, daily. I-295 & San Jose Blvd.

(Ramada Inn). 268-8080. $$ (Fri. & Sat. buffet, $$$) GOLDEN CORRAL Family-friendly place; legendary buffet featuring familiar favorites and new items. B, L & D, daily.

11470 San Jose Blvd. 886-9699. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F See Southside. 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd. 288-8890. $$ HARMONIOUS MONKS The American-style steakhouse features a 9-oz. choice Angus center-cut filet topped with gorgonzola shiitake mushroom cream sauce, 8-oz. gourmet burgers, fall-off-the-bone ribs, wraps, sandwiches. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30. 880-3040. $$ KOBE JAPANESE RESTAURANT The fusion-style sushi restaurant offers oyster shooters, kobe beef shabu-shabu, Chilean sea bass and filet mignon. BW & sake. L & D, daily.

11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 8. 288-7999. $$ MAMA FU’S ASIAN HOUSE MSG-free pan-Asian cuisine prepared to order in woks using fresh ingredients. Authentic Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 11105 San Jose Blvd. 260-1727. $$ MANDARIN ALE HOUSE Laid-back atmosphere; 30-plus beers on tap. FB. L & D, daily. 11112 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 19.

292-0003. $$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

12807 San Jose Blvd. 638-6185. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Organic supermarket with full deli and salad bar serving wraps, quesadillas, chopped salads, vegetarian dishes.

Fresh juice and smoothie bar. Indoor and outdoor seating.

Mon.-Sat. 10000 San Jose Blvd. 260-6950. $ PICASSO’S PIZZERIA F Specializes in hand-tossed gourmet pizza, calzones, homemade New York-style cheesecake and handmade pasta. Fresh local seafood and steaks. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 10503 San Jose Blvd. 880-0811. $$ SIMPLE FAIRE F Breakfast and lunch favorites, featuring Boar’s Head meats and cheeses served on fresh bread. Daily specials. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3020 Hartley Rd. 683-2542. $$ TANK’S FAMILY BAR-B-Q Owned and operated by the Tankersley family, the barbecue place offers made-fromscratch Southern-style fare, featuring their own sauces.

CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 11701 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 23.

351-8265. $$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 4268 Oldfield Crossing Dr. 268-6660. $ WHOLE FOODS MARKET F 100+ prepared items at a fullservice and self-service hot bar, soup bar, dessert bar. Madeto-order Italian specialties from a brick oven pizza hearth. L & D, daily. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22. 288-1100. $$

ORANGE PARK

ARON’S PIZZA F The family-owned restaurant offers eggplant dishes, manicotti and New York-style pizza. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 650 Park Ave. 269-1007. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F For 18-plus years, the sports-themed family restaurant has served wings, ribs, entrees, sandwiches.

FB. L & D, daily. 9680 Argyle Forest Blvd. 425-6466. $$ THE HILLTOP CLUB She-crab soup, scallops, prime beef, wagyu beef, chicken Florentine, stuffed grouper. Chef Nick’s salmon is a favorite. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. 2030 Wells Rd. 272-5959. $$ JOEY MOZARELLAS The Italian restaurant’s specialty is a 24-slice pizza: 18”x26” of fresh ingredients and sauces made daily. CM, TO. L & D, daily. 930 Blanding Blvd. 579-4748. $$ PASTA MARKET & CLAM BAR F Family-owned-andoperated. Gourmet pizza, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. The pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine, lasagna, calzones, linguini, ravioli, made with fresh ingredients, homemade-style.

Daily specials. CM, BW, sangria. 1930 Kingsley Ave. 276-9551.

D, nightly. $$ POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA F Pizzas are baked in coal-fired ovens. Popular pizzas include Health Choice and Mozzarella.

Coal-fired sandwiches and wings, too. BW. L & D, daily. 2134 Park Ave. 264-6116. $$ THE ROADHOUSE F Burgers, wings, deli sandwiches and popular lunches are served. FB. L & D, daily. 231 Blanding Blvd. 264-0611. $ THAI GARDEN F Traditional Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, served in a relaxed atmosphere. Curry dishes and specialty selections with authentic Thai flavors. BW. L, Mon.Fri.; D, nightly. 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. A. 272-8434. $$

PONTE VEDRA, NE ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA F See Beaches. BW. L & D, daily. 635 A1A. 543-1494. $ AQUA GRILL Upscale cuisine includes fresh seafood, Angus steaks, Maine lobster, vegetarian dishes. Outdoor patio seating. FB. L, Mon.-Sat.; D, nightly. 950 Sawgrass Village Dr. 285-3017. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F Authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas, paninis, desserts. Family atmosphere. CM. L & D, daily.

880 A1A, Ste. 8. 280-7677. $$ CAFFE ANDIAMO Traditional Italian cuisine features fresh seafood, veal, homemade pastas and wood-fired pizza prepared in a copper clad oven. An extensive wine list is offered in a cosmopolitan atmosphere. Dine indoors or Out on the terrace. L & D, daily. 500 Sawgrass Village. 280-2299. $$$ LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE F On the Intracoastal

Waterway, LuLu’s can be reached by car or by boat. Seafood, steaks and pasta dishes with a sophisticated flair. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 301 N. Roscoe Blvd. 285-0139. $$ NINETEEN AT TPC SAWGRASS In Sawgrass’ Tournament Players Club, Nineteen features more than 230 wines and freshly prepared American and Continental cuisine, including local seafood, served inside or al fresco on the verandah. L & D, daily. 110 Championship Way. 273-3235. $$$ PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE F Freshly prepared Caribbean cuisine, including red snapper Ponte Vedra Jamaican grilled pork ribs and barbecued salmon tower. Tropical rum drinks feature Pusser’s Painkiller. FB. L & D, daily. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100. 280-7766. L, $$; D, $$ RESTAURANT MEDURE Chef Matthew Medure offers eclectic cuisine featuring local and imported seafood with Southern and Asian influences. F/B. D, Mon.-Sat. 818 A1A N. 543-3797. $$$ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 8141 A1A. 285-0014. $$$$ 619 OCEAN VIEW Dining with a Mediterranean touch, featuring fresh seafood, steaks and nightly specials. FB, CM. D, Wed.-Sun. 619 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Cabana Beach Club.

285-6198. $$$ URBAN FLATS See St. Johns Town Center. FB. L & D, daily.

330 A1A N. 280-5515. $$

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

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AJ’S ON PARK STREET F AJ’s is a casual barbecue spot serving smoked St. Louis-style ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, seafood and dishes made with a Latin touch. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 630 Park St. 359-0035.For $$ questions, please call your advertising representative at ALPHADOG GRILL F This brand-new fun place in Riverside PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 features gourmet hot dogs — likeFAX Ragin’YOUR Cajun (andouille sausage covered in jambalaya) and The Hippie (veggie dog) — promise of benefit sUpport Ask for Action and sausages, grilled chicken wraps, soups, salads, appetizers and wings. L & D, daily. BW. 2782 Park St. 374-8715. $ AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 1620 Margaret St. 388-8384. $ BAKERY MODERNE F The neighborhood bakery offers classic pastries, artisanal breads, seasonal favorites, all made from scratch, including popular petit fours and custom cakes.

B & L, daily. 869 Stockton St., Ste. 6, Riverside. 389-7117. $ CARMINE’S PIE HOUSE F The Italian eatery serves pizza by the slice, gourmet pizzas, appetizers, classic Italian dishes — calzone, stromboli, subs, panini — wings, and microbrews in a casual atmosphere. BW, CM, TO. 2677 Forbes St. 387-1400. $$ COOL MOOSE F Classic sandwiches, eclectic wraps and desserts. An extensive gourmet coffee menu with Green Mountain coffees and frozen coffee drinks. B & L, daily.

Brunch, Sun. 2708 Park St. 381-4242. $ CROSS CREEK See Springfield. 850 S. Lane Ave. 783-9579. $$ EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 2753 Park St. 384-9999. $ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 6677 103rd St., Westside, 777-6135. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F A deli, organic and natural grocery, and juice & smoothie bar offers teas, coffees, gourmet cheeses; natural, organic and raw items. Grab-andgo sandwiches, salads and sides. Craft beers, organic wines.

B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 2007 Park St. 384-4474. $ HJ’S BAR & GRILL Traditional American fare: burgers, sandwiches, wraps and platters of ribs, shrimp and fish. CM, FB. L & D, Sat. & Sun., D, Mon.-Fri. 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., Ste. 1. 317-2783. $$ HOVAN MEDITERRANEAN GOURMET F Dine inside or on the patio. Mediterranean entrées include lamb, and beef gyros. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 2005-1 Park St. 381-9394. $ JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILL F A Riverside tradition, serving 60+ fresh deli and grill items, including hot sandwiches. L, Mon.Fri. 474 Riverside Ave. 356-8055. $ KICKBACKS GASTROPUB F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood hot spot serves pub favorites 20 hours a day, every day. The full bar has over 655 bottled beers, 84 on tap.

Outdoor seating. CM. 910 King St. 388-9551. $$ MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BBQ Smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs. Homemade-style sides include green beans, baked beans, red cole slaw, collards. BW, CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551. $$ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Amelia Island. 1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 389-4442. $ MOSSFIRE GRILL F Southwestern menu with ahi tuna tacos, goat cheese enchiladas and gouda quesadillas. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1537 Margaret St. 355-4434. $$ O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB F Innovative Irish fare and traditional faves are offered, like lambburger with Stilton crust, Guinness mac & cheese, Shepherd’s pie and fish-n-chips — plus 18 beers on tap. L, daily except Mon.; D, daily. CM, FB. 1521 Margaret St. 854-9300. $$ PERARD’S PIZZA & ITALIAN CUISINE F Traditional Italian fare is prepared with fresh sauces and dough made from scratch daily, along with a large selection of gourmet pizza toppings. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 11043 Crystal Springs Rd., Ste. 2. 378-8131. $

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JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 39

Sale

Walter Coker

Chef Scotty serves his traditional world cuisine with a modern twist at 29 South Eats, located in the historic Murdaugh House on South Third Street in downtown Fernandina.

PERFECT RACK BILLIARDS F Upscale billiards hall has burgers, steak, deli sandwiches, wings. Family-friendly, non-smoking. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 1186 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill. 738-7645. $ PIZZA PALACE ON PARK F See San Marco. Outdoor seating.

920 Margaret St., 5 Points. 598-1212. $$ SAKE HOUSE F Japanese grill and sushi bar features sushi, sashimi, katsu, tempura, hibachi and specialty rolls. CM, BW, sake. L & D, daily. 824 Lomax St. 301-1188. $$ SUMO SUSHI F Authentic Japanese fare, traditional to entrees and sushi rolls, spicy sashimi salad, gyoza (pork dumpling), tobiko (flying fish roe), Rainbow roll (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, Calif. roll). BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2726 Park St. 388-8838. $$ SUSHI CAFÉ The café in Riverside Publix Plaza features a variety of sushi, including the popular Monster Roll and the Jimmy Smith Roll, along with faves like Rock-n-Roll and Dynamite Roll. Sushi Café also offers hibachi, tempura, katsu and teriyaki. BW. Dine indoors or on the patio. L & D, daily.

2025 Riverside Ave. 384-2888. $$ TASTI D-LITE Health-conscious desserts include smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cakes and pies, made with fresh ingredients with fewer calories and less fat. More than 100 flavors. Open daily. 1024 Park St. 900-3040. $ TWO DOORS DOWN F Traditional faves: hotcakes, omelets, burgers, pork chops, liver & onions, fried chicken, sides and desserts. CM, TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 436 Park St. 598-0032. $ WALKERS The nightspot has a tapas menu plus a wide variety of wines, served in a rustic, intimate atmosphere. BW. Tue.Sat. 2692 Post St. 894-7465. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE buffet. Sushi bar, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, steak, seafood. BW. L & D, daily. 1014 Margaret St., Ste. 1, 5 Points. 301-1199. $$

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS F The Ancient City’s only brew pub taps seven hand-crafted ales and lagers. A1A specializes in innovative New World cuisine. FB. L & D, daily. 1 King St. 829-2977. $$ AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT F A family-owned-andoperated Italian restaurant offers traditional pasta, veal, steak and seafood dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1915B A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-0102. $$ ANN O’MALLEY’S F Fresh handmade sandwiches, soups, salads and perfectly poured Guinness. Favorites include Reubens and chicken salad. CM, BW, Irish beers on tap. L & D, daily. 23 Orange St. 825-4040. $$ BARNACLE BILL’S F For 30 years, the family restaurant has served seafood, oysters, gator tail, steak and fried shrimp. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily; 14 Castillo Drive, 824-3663. $$ THE BLACK MOLLY BAR & GRILL Fresh, local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes in a casual atmosphere. FB, CM. L & D daily.

504 Geoffrey St., Cobblestone Plaza. 547-2723. $$ BORRILLO’S PIZZA & SUBS F Specialty pizzas are Borrillo’s Supreme (extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage), white and vegetarian pizzas. Subs and pasta dinners. L & D, daily. 88 San Marco Ave. 829-1133. $ CAFÉ ATLANTICO Traditional and new Italian dishes served in an intimate space. Master Chef Paolo Pece prepares risotto alla pescatora, with shrimp, scallops and seasonal shellfish, in a parmesan cheese basket. BW. D, nightly. 647 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-7332. $$$

40 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

CAFÉ ELEVEN F Serving eclectic cuisine like feta spinach egg croissant, apple turkey sandwich, pear-berry salad. Daily chef creations. BW. B, L & D, daily. 501 A1A Beach Blvd. 4609311. B, $; L & D, $$ CAP’S ON THE WATER F The Vilano Beach mainstay offers coastal cuisine – tapas platters, cioppino, fresh local shrimp, raw oyster bar – indoors or on an oak-shaded deck. Boat access. FB. L, Fri.-Sun., D, nightly. 4325 Myrtle St., Vilano Beach. 824-8794. $$ CARMELO’S PIZZERIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic New York style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh baked sub rolls, Boars Head meats and cheeses, fresh salads, calzones, strombolis and sliced pizza specials. BW. L & D, daily. 146 King St. 494-6658. $$ CELLAR 6 ART GALLERY & WINE BAR Wolfgang Puck coffees, handmade desserts and light bistro-style fare amid local art.

BW. Mon.-Sat. 6 Aviles St. 827-9055. $$ CREEKSIDE DINERY Creekside serves beef, chicken and seafood, with an emphasis on low-country cooking. Outdoor deck with a fire pit. FB. D, nightly. 160 Nix Boatyard Rd. 829-6113. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3 St. George St. 824-6993. $ THE FLORIDIAN The downtown restaurant serves innovative Southern fare, made with local farmers’ local food. Signature items: fried green tomato bruschetta, ’N’grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. L & D, Wed.-Mon. 39 Cordova St. 829-0655. $$ GYPSY CAB COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

International menu features large portions, reasonable prices.

FB. L & D, daily. 828 Anastasia Blvd. 824-8244. $$ HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE F In a historic, two-story house, the New Orleans-style eatery has fresh seafood, steaks, jambalaya, etouffée and shrimp. FB. L & D, daily. 46 Avenida Menendez. 824-7765. $$ KINGFISH GRILL At Vilano Bridge’s west end, Kingfish Grill offers casual waterside dining indoors and on the deck, featuring fresh daily catch, house specialties and sushi. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 252 Yacht Club Drive. 824-2111. $$ KINGS HEAD BRITISH PUB F Authentic Brit pub serves fish & chips, Cornish pastie and steak & kidney pie. Tap beers are Guinness, Newcastle and Bass. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 6460 U.S. 1 (4 miles N. of St. Augustine Airport.) 823-9787. $$ THE MANATEE CAFÉ F Serving healthful cuisine using organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes. B & L, daily. 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 106, Westgate Plaza. 826-0210. $ MANGO MANGO’S BEACHSIDE BAR & GRILL F Caribbean kitchen has comfort food with a tropical twist: coconut shrimp and fried plantains. BW, CM. Outdoor dining. 700 A1A Beach Blvd., (A Street access) St. Augustine Beach. 461-1077. $$ MILL TOP TAVERN F A St. Auggie institution housed in an 1884 building, serving nachos, soups, sandwiches and daily specials. Dine inside or on open-air decks. At the big mill wheel. FB. L & D, daily. 19 1/2 St. George St. 829-2329. $$ OASIS RESTAURANT & DECK F Just a block from the ocean, with a tropical atmosphere and open-air deck. Steamed oysters, crab legs, burgers. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 4000 A1A & Ocean Trace Rd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-3424. $ THE PRESENT MOMENT CAFÉ Best of Jax 2011 winner. The cozy café serves organic, vegan and vegetarian dishes, pizza, pastas, hummus and milkshakes — all prepared without meat, dairy, wheat or an oven. Organic BW. TO. B, L & D, Mon.Sat. 224 W. King St. 827-4499. $ PURPLE OLIVE INTERNATIONAL BISTRO F Family-owned-

and-operated, offering specials, fresh artisan breads. Soups, salad dressings and desserts made from scratch. BW. D, Tue.Sat. 4255 A1A S., Ste. 6, St. Augustine Beach. 461-1250. $$ RAINTREE Located in a Victorian home, Raintree offers a menu with contemporary and traditional international influences. Extensive wine list. FB. D, daily. 102 San Marco Ave. 824-7211. $$$ THE REEF RESTAURANT F Casual oceanfront place with a view from every table. Fresh local seafood, steak, pasta dishes and daily chef specials. Outdoor dining. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily. 4100 Coastal Hwy. A1A, Vilano Beach. 824-8008. $$ SOUTH BEACH GRILL Located off A1A, the two-story beachy destination offers casual oceanfront dining and fresh local seafood. Dine indoors or out on a beachfront deck. FB. B, L & D daily. 45 Cubbedge Road, Crescent Beach. 471-8700. $ SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE In the historic district, Spy features James Bond-themed sushi and Mediterraneaninfluenced global cuisine on the seasonal menu, including fresh — never frozen — Hawaiian seafood. Dine indoors or out on the patio. Upstairs lounge, too. Great selection of chilled sakes. BW, CM. D, nightly. 21 Hypolita St. 819-5637. $$$ SUNSET GRILLE Seafood-heavy menu, consistent Great Chowder Debate winner. Specialties are baby back ribs, lobster ravioli, coconut shrimp, datil pepper wings. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 421 A1A Beach Blvd. 471-5555. $$$ THE TASTING ROOM, WINE & TAPAS Owned by Michael Lugo, the upscale contemporary Spanish restaurant fuses innovative tapas with an extensive wine list. L, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 25 Cuna St. 810-2400. $$

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

BAHAMA BREEZE ISLAND GRILLE Fresh seafood, chicken, flame-grilled steaks and hand-crafted tropical drinks made with flavorful ingredients inspired by the Caribbean. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10205 River Coast Dr. 646-1031. $$$ BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE With four dining rooms, BlackFinn offers classic American fare: beef, seafood, pasta, chicken, flatbread sandwiches. Dine indoors or on the patio.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 4840 Big Island Dr. 345-3466. $$ CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR F Casual fine dining.

The menu blends modern American favorites served with international flair. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 9823 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 1. 619-1931. $$$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11. 646-2874. $ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner.

13249 City Square Dr., 751-9711. 9039 Southside Blvd., 5389100. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 401, 996-6900. $ THE FLAME BROILER Serving food with no transfat, MSG, frying, or skin on meat. Fresh veggies, steamed brown or white rice along with grilled beef, chicken and Korean short ribs are featured. CM, TO. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 103. 619-2786. $ ISLAND GIRL WINE & CIGAR BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Upscale tropical vibe. Walk-in humidor, pairing apps and desserts with 25 wines, ports by the glass. 220+ wines by the bottle; draft, bottled beer. L & D, daily. 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115. 854-6060. $$ JOHNNY ANGELS F The menu reflects its ’50s-style décor, including Blueberry Hill pancakes, Fats Domino omelet, Elvis special combo platter. Shakes, malts. B, L & D, daily. 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120. 997-9850. $ LIBRETTO’S PIZZERIA & ITALIAN KITCHEN F Authentic NYC pizzeria serves Big Apple crust, cheese and sauce, along with third-generation family-style Italian classics, fresh-from-theoven calzones, and desserts in a casual, comfy setting. L & D, daily. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 402-8888. $$ LIME LEAF F Authentic Thai cuisine: fresh papaya salad, pad Thai, mango sweet rice. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Cir., Stes. 108 & 109. 645-8568. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Tossed spring water dough, lean meats, veggies and vegetarian choices make up specialty pizzas, hoagies and calzones. FB. L & D, daily. 9734 Deer Lake Court (at Tinseltown). 997-1955. mellowmushroom.com $ MITCHELL’S FISH MARKET F A changing menu of more than 180 items includes cedar-roasted Atlantic salmon and seared salt-and-pepper tuna. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 5205 Big Island Dr., St. Johns Town Ctr. 645-3474. $$$ MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT Best of Jax 2011 winner. Non-fat, low-calorie, cholesterol-free frozen yogurt is served in flavors that change weekly. Toppings include a variety of fruit and nuts. 4860 Big Island Dr. 807-9292. $ THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE F The recipes, unique to the Pancake House, call for only the freshest ingredients. CM. B, L & D, daily. 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr. 997-6088. $$ OTAKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE F Family-owned with an open sushi bar, hibachi grill tables and an open kitchen. Dine indoor or out. FB, CM, TO. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 7860 Gate Parkway, Stes. 119-122. 854-0485. $$$ RENNA’S PIZZA F Renna’s serves up New York-style pizza, calzones, subs and lasagna made from authentic Italian recipes. Delivery, CM, BW. 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 125, St. Johns Town Center. 565-1299. rennaspizza.com $$ SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY F Innovative menu of fresh local grilled seafood, sesame tuna, grouper Oscar, chicken, steak and pizza. Microbrewed ales and lagers. FB. L &

D, daily. 9735 Gate Pkwy. N. 997-1999. $$ SOUTHSIDE ALE HOUSE F Steaks, seafood, sandwiches. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9711 Deer Lake Court. 565-2882. $$ STEAMERS CAFE F Steamers’ menu has all-natural and organic items, including wraps, sandwiches, subs, soups, steamer bowls, smoothies and fresh juices. Daily lunch specials. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4320 Deerwood Lake Parkway, Ste. 106. 646-4527. $ SUITE Best of Jax 2011 winner. St. Johns Town Center premium lounge and restaurant offer chef-driven small plates and an extensive list of specialty cocktails, served in a sophisticated atmosphere. FB. D & late-nite, nightly. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 493-9305. $$ TAVERNA YAMAS The Greek restaurant serves char-broiled kabobs, seafood and traditional Greek wines and desserts. FB. L & D daily. 9753 Deer Lake Court. 854-0426. $$ URBAN FLATS F Ancient world-style flatbread is paired with fresh regional and seasonal ingredients in wraps, flatwiches and entrées, served in a casual, urban atmosphere. An international wine list is offered. CM. FB. L & D, daily. 9726 Touchton Road. 642-1488. $$ WASABI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Authentic Japanese cuisine, teppanyaki shows and a full sushi menu.

CM. L & D, daily. 10206 River Coast Dr. 997-6528. $$ WHISKY RIVER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. At St. Johns Town Center’s Plaza, Whisky River features wings, pizza, wraps, sandwiches and burgers served in a lively car racing-themed atmosphere (Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s the owner). FB. CM. L & D, daily. 4850 Big Island Drive. 645-5571. $$ WILD WING CAFÉ F Serving up 33 flavors of wings, as well as soups, sandwiches, wraps, ribs, platters and burgers. FB. 4555 Southside Blvd. 998-9464. $$ YUMMY SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Teriyaki, tempura, hibachi-style dinners, sushi & sashimi. Sushi lunch roll special.

BW, sake. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd. 998-8806. $$

SAN JOSE

ATHENS CAFÉ F Serving authentic Greek cuisine: lamb, seafood, veal and pasta dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7. 733-1199. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1. 737-2874. $ DICK’S WINGS F NASCAR-themed family style sports place serves wings, buffalo tenders, burgers and chicken sandwiches. CM. BW. L & D, daily. 1610 University Blvd. W. 448-2110. dickswingsandgrill.com $ MOJO BAR-B-QUE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Southern Blues kitchen serves pulled pork, brisket and North Carolinastyle barbecue. TO, BW. L & D, daily. 1607 University Blvd. W. 732-7200. $$

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL THAI & SUSHI F Offering Thai cuisine, including pad Thai and curry dishes, and sushi in a relaxing atmosphere. L & D, Mon.-Sat. BW. 1004 Hendricks Ave. 674-0190. $$ b.b.’s F Best of Jax 2011 winner. A bistro menu is served in an upscale atmosphere, featuring almond-crusted calamari, tuna tartare and wild mushroom pizza. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri.; brunch & D, Sat. 1019 Hendricks Ave. 306-0100. $$$ BISTRO AIX F French, Mediterranean-inspired fare, awardwinning wines, wood-fired pizzas, house-made pastas, steaks, seafood. Indoor, outdoor dining. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 1440 San Marco Blvd. 398-1949. $$$ CHECKER BBQ & SEAFOOD F Chef Art Jennette serves barbecue, seafood and comfort food, including pulled-pork, fried white shrimp and fried green tomatoes. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3566 St. Augustine Rd. 398-9206. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Big sandwiches, soups, desserts and more than 100 bottled and on-tap beers. BW. L & D, daily. 1704 San Marco Blvd.

398-9500. $ THE GROTTO F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Wine by the glass. Tapas-style menu offers a cheese plate, empanadas bruschetta, chocolate fondue. BW. 2012 San Marco Blvd.

398-0726. $$ HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE F Authentic Latin American fine dining: picadillo, ropa vieja, churrasco tenderloin steak, Cuban sandwiches. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, FB. 2578 Atlantic Blvd. 399-0609. $ LAYLA’S OF SAN MARCO Fine dining in the heart of San Marco. Traditional Middle Eastern cuisine, served inside or outside on the hookah and cigar patio. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat.; D, Sun. 2016 Hendricks Ave. 398-4610. $$ MATTHEW’S Chef’s tasting menu or seasonal à la carte menu featuring an eclectic mix of Mediterranean ingredients. Dress is business casual, jackets optional. FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 2107 Hendricks Ave. 396-9922. $$$$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Historic 1930s diner offers award-winning breakfast and lunch. Fresh seafood and Southern cooking. Bring your own wine. B & L, daily. 3302 Hendricks Ave. 398-3701. $$ MORTON’S, THE STEAKHOUSE Morton’s specializes in generous portions of USDA prime aged beef as well as fresh fish and lobster. The tableside menu presentation features every item described by the server. FB, TO. D, nightly. 1510 Riverplace Blvd. 399-3933. $$$ THE OLIVE TREE MEDITERRANEAN GRILLE F Mediterranean homestyle healthy plates: hummus, tebouleh, grape leaves,

gyros, potato salad, kibbeh, spinach pie, Greek salad, daily specials. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 1705 Hendricks Ave. 396-2250. $$ PIZZA PALACE F All homemade from Mama’s award-winning recipes: spinach pizza and chicken-spinach calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 1959 San Marco Blvd. 399-8815. $$ PULP F The juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt, teas, coffees; 30 kinds of smoothies, with flavored soy milks, organic frozen yogurt, granola. Daily. 1962 San Marco Blvd.

396-9222. $ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Consistent Best of Jax winner.

Midwestern prime beef, fresh seafood, upscale atmosphere.

FB. D, daily. 1201 Riverplace Blvd. 396-6200. $$$$ SAKE HOUSE See Riverside. 1478 Riverplace Blvd.

306-2188. $$ SAN MARCO DELI F Independently owned & operated classic diner serves grilled fish, turkey burgers. Vegetarian options. Mon.-Sat. 1965 San Marco Blvd. 399-1306. $ TAVERNA Tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitan-style wood-fired pizzas and entrées are served in a rustic yet upscale interior.

BW, TO. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 1986 San Marco Blvd. 398-3005. $$$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. This location offers a lunch buffet. L & D, daily. 1430 San Marco Blvd. 683-2444. $

large selection of craft and IPA brews. FB. L & D, daily. 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16. 538-0811. $$ SUNSET 30 TAVERN & GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Located in Latitude 30, Sunset 30 serves familiar favorites, including seafood, steaks, sandwiches, burgers, chicken, pasta and pizza. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily.

10370 Philips Hwy. 365-5555. $$ THE THIRSTY IGUANA CANTINA TAQUERIA Classic Mexican fare includes quesadillas, tacos, burritos, chimichangas, enchiladas and fajitas, as well as some killer nacho choices, ofCM. benefit made with fresh ingredients. L &promise D, daily. TO, FB, 7605 Beach Blvd. 647-7947. $$ TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA F Premium New York-style pizza from a brick-oven — the area’s original gluten-free pizzeria. Plus calzones, soups and salads; Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses and Boylan soda. BW. L & D, Mon.Sat. 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2. 565-1999. $$ URBAN ORGANICS The local produce co-op offers seasonal fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Open Mon.-Sat. 5325 Fairmont St. 398-8012.

WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE sushi and two teppanyaki grill items are included in buffet price. FB. L & D, daily. 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C. 363-9888. $$

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SOUTHSIDE

AROMAS BEER HOUSE Offers customer favorites like ahi tuna with a sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger, triple-meat French dip. FB. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

928-0515. $$ BISTRO 41° F Casual dining features fresh, homemade breakfast and lunch dishes in a relaxing atmosphere. TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3563 Philips Hwy., Ste. 104. 446-9738. $ BLUE BAMBOO Contemporary Asian-inspired cuisine includes rice-flour calamari, seared Ahi tuna, pad Thai. Street eats: barbecue duck, wonton crisps. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 3820 Southside Blvd. 646-1478. $$ BOMBA’S SOUTHERN HOME COOKING F Featuring Southern homestyle fare, featuring fresh veggies. Outside dining is available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8560 Beach Blvd.

997-2291. $$ BUCA DI BEPPO Italian dishes served family-style in an eclectic, vintage setting. Half-pound meatballs are a specialty.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10334 Southside Blvd. 363-9090. $$$ EL POTRO F Family-friendly, casual El Potro has fresh, made-to-order fare. Daily specials, buffet most locations.

BW. L & D, daily. 5871 University Blvd. W., 733-0844. 11380 Beach Blvd., 564-9977. elpotrorestaurant.com $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 5500 Beach Blvd. 398-1717. $ GENE’S SEAFOOD F Serving fresh Mayport shrimp, fish, oysters, scallops, gator tail, steaks and combos. L & D, daily.

11702 Beach Blvd. 997-9738. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F A local institution since 1975 serving house-baked pita bread, kabobs, falafel and daily lunch buffet. TO, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4323 University Blvd.

S. 733-5141. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 2025 Emerson St. 346-3770. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8206 Philips Hwy. 732-9433. $ SAKE SUSHI F The new restaurant offers sushi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, katsu, donburi and noodle soups. Popular rolls include Fuji Yama, Ocean Blue and Fat Boy. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy., Ste. 31. 647-6000. $$ SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE F The stylish gastropub has Southern-style cuisine made with a modern twist: Dishes are paired with international wines and beers, including a

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BOSTON’S RESTAURANT & SPORTSBAR F A full menu of sportsbar faves; pizzas till 2 a.m. Dine inside or on the patio. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13070 City Station Dr., River City Marketplace. 751-7499. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The family-owned restaurant serves authentic Mexican fare, including fajitas and seafood. The specialty is tacos de azada. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104. 757-6411. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 5945 New For questions, please call your advertising representative at Kings Rd. 765-8515. $ JOSEPH’S PIZZA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT F Gourmet FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 pizzas, pastas. Authentic Italian entrees. BW. L & D, daily.

7316 N. Main St. 765-0335. $$ promise of benefit sUpport Ask for Action MILLHOUSE STEAKHOUSE F A locally-owned-and-operated steakhouse with choice steaks from the signature broiler, and seafood, pasta, Millhouse gorgonzola, homemade desserts.

CM, FB. D, nightly. 1341 Airport Rd. 741-8722. $$ SALSARITA’S FRESH CANTINA F Southwest cuisine made from scratch; family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 840 Nautica Dr., Ste. 131, River City Marketplace.

696-4001. $ SAVANNAH BISTRO Classic Southern fare with a twist of Mediterranean and French inspiration, offered in a relaxing atmosphere at Crowne Plaza Airport. Favorites include crab cakes, NY strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 14670 Duval Rd. 741-4404. $$ THREE LAYERS CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Lunch, bagels, desserts, and the adjacent Cellar serves fine wines.

Inside and courtyard dining. BW. B, L & D, daily. 1602 Walnut St., Springfield. 355-9791. $ 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL F Salads, sandwiches, pizza, fine European cuisine. Nightly specials. 2467 Faye Rd., Northside. 647-8625. $$ UPTOWN MARKET F In the 1300 Building at the corner of Third & Main, Uptown Market serves fresh fare made with the same élan that rules Burrito Gallery. Innovative breakfast, lunch and deli selections. BW, TO. 1303 Main St. N. 355-0734. $$

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WINE TASTINGS ANJO LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Thur. 9928 Old Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-2656 AROMAS CIGAR & WINE BAR Call for schedule. 4372 Southside Blvd., 928-0515 BLUE BAMBOO 5:30-7:30 p.m., every first Thur. 3820 Southside Blvd., 646-1478 COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE 6-8 p.m. every Wed. 1712 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-4776 DAMES POINT MARINA Every 3rd Wed. 4518 Irving Rd., Northside, 751-3043 THE GIFTED CORK Tastings daily. 64 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 810-1083 THE GROTTO 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726 MONKEY’S UNCLE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1850 S. Third St., Jax Beach, 246-1070 NORTH BEACH BISTRO 6-8 p.m. every Tue. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 OCEAN 60 6-8 p.m every Mon. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 O’KANE’S IRISH PUB 6:30 p.m. every 3rd Tue. 318 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 261-1000

PUSSERS CARIBBEAN GRILL 6 p.m. every second Fri. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766 RIVERSIDE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1035 Park St., Five Points, 356-4517 THE TASTING ROOM 6-8 p.m. every first Tue. 25 Cuna St., St. Augustine, 810-2400 TASTE OF WINE Daily. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Atlantic Beach, 246-5080 III FORKS PRIME STEAKHOUSE 5-6:30 p.m. every Mon. 9822 Tapestry Circle, Ste. 111, SJTC, 928-9277 TOTAL WINE & MORE Noon-6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 300, 998-1740 URBAN FLATS 5-8 p.m. every Wed. 9726 Touchton Rd., Tinseltown, 642-1488 WHOLE FOODS MARKET 6 p.m. every Thur. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 288-1100 THE WINE BAR 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0211 WINE WAREHOUSE 4-7 p.m. every Fri. 665 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-6450 4434 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 448-6782 1188 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 389-9997 4085 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach, 471-9900

© 2012

January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 41

Folio

THE AddISON ON AmElIA ISlANd The Addison is a disinctive historic property in the heart of Fernandina. The original 1870s antebellum house features sunny en-suite rooms, the majority overlooking a private fountain courtyard. Many have spacious whirlpools and several feature individual private porches. This intimate retreat caters to your every need, whether it be a gourmet breakfast, an individually prepared picnic or afternoon refreshment, or the simple luxury of allowing you to sit back, relax, and watch the world go by slowly on your own porch.

614 Ash Street • (904) 277-1604 www.addisononamelia.com

THE FAIRBANKS HOUSE

Elegant 1885 Italianate villa. Luxury-class inn with upscale amenities. Large rooms, suites, private cottages, Jacuzzis, fireplaces. Gourmet breakfast, evening social hour. Romance Packages, Girls Getaway. Smoke-free!

Traditional bridge replacement on as prominent a highway as I-15 in Mesquite, Nev., has usually required rerouting traffic for as long as a year, but the new “accelerated” technology in January necessitated detours for less than a week. Excited engineers came in from around the country to watch the old bridge demolished and the new one (which had been built on a platform off to the side) slid into place using hydraulic jacks and Teflon-coated metal beams — lubricated with Dawn dishwashing detergent to glide them smoothly into the old frame.

Nevada DOT estimated the accelerated process saved commuters about $12 million in time and fuel costs.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit!

227 South 7th Street • (904) 277-0500 www.fairbankshouse.com

THE ElIZABETH POINTE lOdGE AmElIA ISlANd The Pointe is situated on the beach overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Focusing upon individualized attention with a staff that wants to exceed your expectations, The Pointe offers a complimentary full breakfast, Wi-Fi, beach equipment, a morning newspaper and parking.

Room service and concierge assistance are available 24 hours. And it’s only a short bike ride to the historic seaport of Fernandina. Custom packages available.

98 South Fletcher Avenue • (800) 772-3359 info@elizabethpointelodge.com

AmElIA ISlANd WIllIAmS HOUSE

Beautiful antebellum Inn with spacious guest rooms boasting the modern amenities guests love while safekeeping the old world charm. Romantic working fireplaces, antiques from around the world, private baths, whirlpool tubs, spa robes and fresh flowers are a few of the luxuries you may expect. Enjoy our beautifully landscaped gardens, fountains and our sweeping verandahs. Feast on a delicious gourmet breakfast each morning and sip wine ‘neath 500-year-old oak trees. All your worries will drift away.

103 S. 9th Street • (904) 277-2328 www.williamshouse.com

HOYT HOUSE

Hoyt House Bed & Breakfast Inn, built in 1905, is an intimate, elegant and luxurious boutique hotel that will exceed your expectations with five-star amenities, top-shelf breakfast and exceptional customer service. We offer: • 10 En-Suite Guest Chambers • Located in the Historic District • 3-Course Gourmet Breakfast • English Tea Wed.-Sun. 12:30-3p.m. • Heated Pool & Spa • Amelia Lounge & Bar • Complimentary Bicycles • Complimentary Cocktail Hour • Secure off-street Parking • Weddings & Meetings Welcome

804 Atlantic Avenue • (904) 277-4300 www.hoythouse.com

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville.

42 | folio weekly | January 31-February 6, 2012

Without Delay

“[Our critics] are absolutely right. We are professional liars,” said Everett Davis, founder of Internet-based Reference Store, which supplies pumped-up, but false, résumés for job-seekers having trouble landing work. Davis and associates are, he told Houston’s KRIV-TV in November, ex-investigators schooled in deception, and so are good at fooling human resources personnel who follow up on bogus work claims. Davis admitted he’d even disguise a customer’s past criminal record — but not if the job is in public safety, health care or schools.

Veterinary tech and food blogger Lauren Hicks recently inaugurated service on what’s surely one of the few food trucks in the U.S. catering exclusively to dogs. She parks her “Sit ’n Stay Pet Cafe” — a retrofitted mail truck — in downtown Winter Park, Fla., on Thursday nights (according to an Oct. Orlando Sentinel tem), serving gourmet organic snacks like Poochi Sushi (jerky), “Ruff-in” muffins, and “Mutt-balls” and “Grrr-avy,” among others.

Western nations and foundations have tried for decades to build sewage treatment plants in sub-Saharan Africa, with little success (many countries lack stable governments to assess operating fees), and to this day, raw sewage is still just collected and dumped, either in rivers or directly onto beaches, like Ghana’s notorious (and once-beautiful) Lavender Hill.

U.S. entrepreneurs recently established Waste Enterprises in Ghana to build the first-ever fecalsludge-to-biodiesel plant (funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation). Feces undiluted by water, and then heated, is highly concentrated and more resembles coal than the goo we associate with sewage.

Cutting-Edge Science

Medical Marvels: In December, The British Medical Journal reported a 76-year-old woman had been unbothered until recently by the felt-tip pen she accidentally swallowed 25 years earlier. It was removed without complication, and, though the plastic was flaky, the pen still had an ink supply and was “usable.”

Twice during 2011, babies with two heads were born in Brazil. Though the first, in Paraiba state, died hours after birth, the 9.9-pound “Emanoel” and “Jesus,” born in Para state in December, are apparently otherwise healthy. The baby has two heads and two spines but shares one heart, liver, pelvis and pair of lungs.

Medical Marvels (Canine Edition): The Dogs Trust in Kenilworth, England, was soliciting potential homes in December for “Bentley,” a Border Collie whose monophobia may make it what Daily Mail calls the “most

cowardly” dog in the land. Frisky around people, Bentley immediately goes into a frightened sulk when left alone, cowering from cats, hiding behind a couch and constantly biting his nails, even at the sound of a cat on TV. Bentley was recently outfitted with special lace-up booties to preserve the nails.

Update

Prominent novelist Michael Peterson was convicted in 2003 of beating his wife to death with a fireplace poker, but he, assisted by a former neighbor, has maintained since then that she was killed by a rogue owl. In 2008, for the first time, North Carolina state investigators acknowledged a microscopic feather was indeed found in her hair, and in December 2011, Durham County Judge Orlando Hudson granted Peterson a new trial. Though several owl experts have declared the wife’s head trauma was consistent with an owl attack, the judge’s decision was based instead on a finding last year: The state crime lab mishandled evidence in 34 cases and, specifically, an investigator in the Peterson case exaggerated his credentials to the jury. (A 2007 fictionalized movie and a 2006 NBC “Dateline” also gave heft to the owl theory.)

Poor Anger Management

Janet Knowles, 62, was arrested in January in Jupiter, Fla., for aggravated assault after allegedly bludgeoning her housemate, 65, with a hammer as they watched TV. The victim said only that Knowles was “upset with Judge Judy.”

Michael Monsour, former CEO of Monsour Medical Center in Jeannette, Pa., was charged with assaulting his brother, Dr. William Monsour, in their father’s home on New Year’s Eve. In an argument, Michael allegedly bit William’s nose so hard, he required cosmetic surgery. (Michael’s temper remained untempered. The next day, according to police, Michael sent William an email threatening to beat him “into blood pudding.”)

Least Competent Criminals

Need Time in the Gym: According to police in Bellingham, Wash., William Lane, 22, yelled slurs at a lesbian couple in the early morning of Dec. 11 and smashed the window of one of the women’s car, but she chased him down, tackled him and held him until help arrived.

Anthony Miranda, 24, was arrested and charged with armed robbery in December in Chicago after unknowingly choosing as his victim an “ultimate fighting” champion. The “victim” gave Miranda two black eyes and a heavily lacerated face, and, as Miranda drew his gun, overpowered him in such a way that Miranda wound up shooting himself in the ankle.

Not Ready for Prime Time: Keith Savinelli, 21, was arrested in Gallatin County, Mont., in December and charged with attempted burglary involving a woman’s underwear. When the resident caught Savinelli in the act, he tried to talk her out of reporting him by apologizing and handing her his voter registration card, but she called police anyway.

A 25-year-old man was rescued by fire crews in Tranent, Scotland, in December and taken to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. According to police, four men were trying to steal an eightton steamroller when the 25-year-old got his leg trapped underneath. The other three fled.

Chuck Shepherd WeirdNews@earthlink.net

DADDY AND DAUGHTER GETTING SUBS Our kids were chatty, but I was too shy to say much. Star Wars, “one tomato,” you tried to steal my muffins! You and your daughter stopped to look at flowers on the way out. If the kids can hit it off, maybe we could, too. Interested in a playdate? When: Jan. 21, 2012. Where: Publix @ Roosevelt/ San Juan. #1262-0131 INTRIGUING, INTELLIGENT AND DARING I rounded the corner of Starbucks, and saw you sitting. You’re so small and petite and have the cutest splash of freckles all over your cheeks and nose. You’re jaw-dropping beautiful and don’t even realize it. You’re regular raspberry iced green tea has become one of my favorites. When: Jan. 22, 2012.

Where: Towncenter Starbucks. #1261-0131 OUTSPOKEN AT RENNA’S You: Curly, dark-haired angel who ranted about Glenn Beck and Rick Santorum with the bus boy. Me: Bearded onlooker in the MasterCard shirt eating a large pizza alone. I’ll gladly share a slice if you would like to talk more about Glenn and Rick. When: Jan. 22, 2012. Where: Renna’s Pizza. #1260-0131 COUNTRY WARCRAFT KING SEEKS GODDESS You: Redheaded fox in slap-ya-mamma jeans. Me: Mustachio prince of your dreams. You looked like you were hitting the pavement pretty hard there… I’ve got something else you can hit if ya want. ;). When: Jan. 13, 2011. Where: Towncenter. #1259-0131 SPORTY BLONDE IN SWEATS You: Stunning blonde with long legs and brown eyes wearing Knight’s sweats in the Riverside Starbucks. Me: Baffled by your undeniable beauty, wanting to buy your next tall regular coffee. You seemed anything but regular. Let’s java sometime?

When: Dec. 13, 2011. Where: Starbucks. #1258-0131 MOMOFJOP You wrote me an e-mail, “hey there fine looking man.” I blew it off, wasn’t ready. If you read Folio Weekly, which I believe you do, please respond if there is still hope. When: Dec. 15, 2011. Where: match.com. #1257-0131 GREEN EYED ANGEL You: Effortless beauty, always serving my favorite Golden Spiral, guessing close enough to my actual Mug club number.

You make my heart flutter when I see you, and 3pm is never early enough. You said you don’t do boyfriends, but how about a date? Me: Brown hair, blue eyes, hoping to constantly SEE*U. When: Dec. 31, 2011. Where: Intuition. #1256-0124 BOY IN A CANDY SHOP You, sexy tall tan and knows how to handle his guns. Me, short cute and couldn’t take my eyes off you. At Shooters you were looking for a gun even though you knew exactly what you wanted but still played around like you were thinking of other options. Maybe next time you can show me how to shoot your gun at the range.... When: Dec. 2011. Where: Shooters. #1255-0124 PATRON SAINT OF SKIN ILLUSTRATIONS Friday 13th at black anchor tattoo, you; insanely big eyes that looked right into my soul... me; heart pounding so hard you heard it, lets ponder the mysteries of the universe and eat at the Y... ill be yours forever, you stole my fart sign!! When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: Old Southside Tattoo. #1254-0124 GREG ALLMAN CONCERT Tall, Young and Handsome! You were my seat neighbor… the seats were so close I was practically in your lap... I wanted to touch you... I gave you gum... and thanked you for not being a drunken A******... like the busy bee crowd that could not sit still and enjoy the show... coffee with me perhaps?? Why not??

When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: The Florida Theatre. #1253-0124 SEXY SILVER S2000 SPEEDING AWAY You: Driving a tiny convertible in Riverside, saw you in my rearview. Blue rims- do they match your eyes? Me: Darkhaired vixen vying for your time, white Volvo is what I drive.

Maybe you’ll take me for a ride? When: Jan. 9, 2012. Where: Riverside. #1252-0124 MULTIPLE SIGHTINGS First saw you Oct. 15th at Kanki on Southside. Looked like you were celebrating with friends so I stayed away. Noticed

you again at Warehouse 31 running from a clown. Now I keep seeing you getting a cherry coke from the Daily’s on Gate. You have peeked my interest. Let’s meet and talk over some cherry cokes. When: Oct. 15, 2011. Where: Daily’s on Gate. #1251-0124 BAYMEADOWS BLONDE You: Long legs, inviting lips, blue eyes, blouse and Altima. We made small talk about your Angel perfume. I find you quite stunning. Thinking we need to get together soon. I am serious – are you? Me: dark blue shirt, tan pants. A blue-eyed devil in a red Corvette. When: Nov. 23, 2011. Where: ABC Liquor Store. #1250-0117 RED AUDI HOTTIE Riverside Publix, Looking for sexy man getting into red Audi, always looking so sharp. I see you in the aisle and want to help you fill your cart! Three Forks on me? When: many.

Where: Riverside Publix. #1249-0117 HONEY, YOU’RE SO SWEET You work right next to me in downtown St. Augustine. I always catch you looking my direction when I’m giving samples. You order coffee from me often and use honey as a sweetener. You wear a blue polo and khaki’s everyday. Is your name spelled with one or two t’s? Oh, and you’re welcome for the free shot of espresso. When: Jan. 2, 2012. Where: Downtown St. Augustine. #1248-0117 A DREAMY BARTENDER Who stole my heart and can pour a mean draft or drink.

You: curly brown hair and a Ravens fan. Me: tall dark brown hair and glasses. I know you are attached, but I can still say you have my heart. Please don’t stop doing what you do everyday. You are beautiful. Maybe one day we can pour drinks together. When: Jan. 2, 2012. Where: The Harbor Tavern. #1247-0117 YOU BLEW ME AWAY AT BONO’S Me: having lunch with Wednesday before Christmas with my fiancé. You: blonde bombshell blew by me. You changed my world. Would you like to change my destiny? When: Dec. 20, 2011. Where: Bono’s. #1246-0117 SPARKLE-TOP GIRL OF MY DREAMS You: Gorgeous dark haired beauty, dancing with your friends with dance moves that would make Shakira jealous. Me: Guy in blue shirt, grey beanie and glasses noticing you while trying to casually fit in. I’m hoping you don’t play for the other team and wondering if you wanted to start the New Year off right. When: Dec. 31, 2011. Where: Incahoots. #1245-0110 RUN AROUND THE PUBLIX RACETRACK You were at the Publix on racetrack road. Blonde hair, in a nice pair of running pants, I think. You got off your checkout

line for a second to come down my aisle in order to get a drink up front. Me: salt n pepper hair in a gray hoodie. Maybe we can grab a Starbucks sometime. When: Jan. 2, 2012.

Where: Publix. #1244-0110 BEAUTY IN BROWN You-Stunning beauty wearing brown. You were guarding the dessert table with your life yet recommended the rum balls.

Me-tall, thin, dark hair guy that was constantly hugged by the drunk party host. Wanna find other dessert tables to guard?

We’d make a good team :) When: Oct. 23, 2011. Where: Riverside. #1243-0110 JJ GRAY AND MOFRO You got kicked out before they went on for having too much fun. I made sure you were OK until you decided to leave. I truly care, and want to make sure you are ok. Can we plan the next JJ Grey and Mofro show together? When: Dec. 29, 2011. Where: Maverick’s. #1242-0110 OUR EYES MET AT PROGRESSIVE You were the cutest guy I’ve seen. Our eyes kept locking and your smile was so sexy. You have medium brown short hair about 5-9 tall. Me a blue rugby shirt and cap. When: Dec. 29, 2011. Where: Progressive Service Center. #1241-0110 MARKET FRESH HONEY I saw you at the fresh market. Thought I recognized you from the JCP gym. You were doing exercises that needed great flexibility. At fresh market you were dressed to the nines. Me: Boyish looks, salt & pepper hair. You are in better shape than most if not all personal trainers so you know who you are.

When: Dec. 21, 2011. Where: Fresh Market. #1240-0103 NIKE WEARING DANCING QUEEN You: Nappy hair, tatted up and wearing Nike sneakers dancing away at the Ritz. Me: Short Italian with a big mouth. Your sexy moves and big ol boobs caught my eye! Wanna teach me to dance? When: Dec. 20, 2011. Where: The Ritz. #1239-0103 PLANNING YOUR WAY TO MY HEART! I asked you to dance but being the event planner for the library, you smiled and said you could not! Would love to meet you away from work for a cocktail and dancing! You: Tall, bald, black sexy male in blue suit and white shirt! Me: Tall, white, slender blonde bridesmaid! Where: Main Library courtyard wedding reception. When: Nov. 4, 2011. Where: Main Library Downtown. #1238-0103 MAYO CLINIC MAN OF MY DREAMS I saw you in the Mayo Clinic parking lot with your dark hair and green sweatshirt getting out of your red Jeep Cherokee with the FSU license plate. I was the redhead in the Gator shirt. Not sure if you winked at me because of the UF/FSU thing or if you sensed a connection. Let’s find out... When:

Dec. 14, 2011. Where: Mayo Clinic parking lot. #1237-1227 HELLOOOO NURSE! You: Gorgeous redhead medical assistant. Me: Unsuspecting patient. You had your scrubs inside out & backwards; I pointed this out while you were taking my pulse. Care to play doctor after hours? When: Dec. 1, 2011. Where: Commonwealth Family Practice. #1236-1220 FLOPPY HAT GUY We met eyes a couple of times, you were really cute. You drank your beer and left before I had a chance to say anything to you. Let’s meet up and talk like we should have.

What kind of hat was I wearing? When: Dec. 13, 2011. Where: Park Place. #1235-1220 TALL GREEN-EYED BARTENDER TAILGATERS You: Wearing a black pullover and a beanie. You asked what I wanted to drink. I said a shot to warm me up, you smiled. I had to leave with my group; maybe you can suggest a shot that we could have together. When: Dec. 11, 2011. Where: Tailgaters parking. #1234-1220 FLAWLESS TATTED PEARL SATURDAY GIRL You: Short and slender blonde wearing a beanie, white tank top; half-sleeve / back tatted. Me: Tall, dark, tatted, snake bites. I told you you were gorgeous and you said ditto.

Dancing with a friend near me and we both admitted to scoping each other out. Come dance with me on Saturday nights? When: Sept. 24, 2011. Where: The Pearl. #1233-1220 BLUE EYES AT THE REGISTER You: Working the register, prettiest ice-blue eyes I’ve ever seen, pulled-back brown hair, tattoos peaking out of sleeves.

Me: Cargo shorts, brown hair and beard, Gators shirt. I bought a pack of cigarettes and milk. We shared meaningful eye contact and a suggestive smile. Let me know if you’re interested in batting for the same team... When: Dec. 9, 2011.

Where: CVS A1A South, Anastasia. #1232-1220 WORLD’S BEST/ CUTEST DISHWASHER You had a dark blonde mohawk hidden under a black hat. You came out to bus tables and retreated back to your dish-pit disco. I tried to get a final look at your adorable mug and caught you making a soap beard. You rule; let’s drink beer and listen to Leatherface. When: Dec. 9, 2011. Where: Dishpit at The Floridian. #1231-1220 DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME GEORGIA FAN Wanted serendipity to strike a third time. You introduced yourself first at FL/GA and blindsided me at the Jags game when you took your sister. When you smiled, I forgot my own name, much less to give you my number. Up for a friendly rivalry? You: Warm Brunette Georgia Boy. Me: Dark curly-haired Gator Girl. When: Oct. 29, 2011. Where: EverBank Field. #1230-1213

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Sad but true: A lot of folks seem to always be in a state of wanting what they don’t have and not wanting what they actually do have. I’m begging you; don’t be like that in the weeks ahead. Here’s why: More than I’ve seen in a long time, you’ll have everything going for you if you want precisely what you do have — and are not full of longing for what’s unavailable. Can you manage that brilliant trick?

If so, you’ll be amazed by the sublime peace.

opposed to the literary kind. It quoted an Edgar Allan Poe poem: “Helen, thy beauty is to me / Like those Nicean barks of yore / That gently, o’er a perfumed sea, / The weary way-worn wanderer bore / To his own native shore.” Then the book advised: “To express these ideas in technical writing, we would simply say, ‘He thinks Helen is beautiful.’ ” Don’t take shortcuts like that. For the sake of your emotional health and spiritual integrity, you can’t see or treat the world the way a technical writer would.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Of all the zodiac signs, Tauruses are the least likely to be arrogant. They’re also among the most likely to have low self-esteem. But your tribe has an excellent chance to fix that second thing. Current cosmic rhythms invite, loudly and dramatically, to boost confidence, even at the risk of careening into the forbidden realm of arrogance. I recommend Taurus musician Trent Reznor as role model. He has no problem summoning feelings of self-worth. Proof? When asked if he frequents music social networks, he confessed: “I don’t care what my friends are listening to. Because I’m cooler than they are.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Are you ready to start playing in earnest with that riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma?

Are you looking forward to the rough and tumble fun to ensue after you leap into the middle of that sucker and start trying to decipher its impossibly interesting meaning? I hope you’re primed and eager and can’t wait to try to answer the question that seems to have no answer. Be brave and adventurous, my friend, and intent on having a blast.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “If Mark Twain had had Twitter,” says humorist Andy Borowitz, “he would’ve been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn’t have gotten around to writing ‘Huckleberry Finn.’ ” You’re facing a comparable choice. You can either get a lot of little things done to serve short-term aims, or you can at least partially withdraw from the day-to-day give-and-take, to devote more focus to a long-range goal.

I can’t tell you which way to go; I just want to make sure you know the nature of your decision.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): You now have a special talent for helping your allies tap into their dormant potentials and latent energy. If you use it, you’ll have a knack for snapping lost sheep and fallen angels out of their wasteful trances. There’s a third kind of magic you have in abundance: the ability to coax concealed truths out of hiding. Personally, I hope you’ll make lavish use of these gifts. I should mention, though, some people may resist. The transformations you could conceivably set in motion with your superpowers may be alarming to them. So hang out as much as you can with change-lovers who like your strong medicine.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Publishing a volume of poetry is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo,” said author Don Marquis, speaking from experience.

Something you’re considering may seem to fit that — a project, action or gift you’d feel good about offering, but you wonder if it will generate the same buzz as that rose petal floating down into the Grand Canyon. To the degree that you shed your attachment to making an impact, you’ll make the exact impact that matters most. Give yourself without any expectations.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Comedian Louis CK told a story about his young daughter. She had a fever, and he gave her some bubble-gumflavored Tylenol. “Ewwww!” she complained. Louis was exasperated. “You can’t say ‘ewwww,’” he told her. What he meant was, as a white kid in America, she’s among the most privileged characters in the world — certainly far luckier than all the poor children who have no medicine at all, let alone medicine that tastes like candy. A similar argument for you: In the large scheme of things, your suffering now is small. Try to keep your attention on your blessings instead of discomfort.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I stumbled upon an engineering textbook for undergraduates. There was a section on how to do technical writing, as 44 | FOLIO WEEKLY | JANUARY 31-FEBRUARY 6, 2012

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Lessons could come to you from unforeseen sources and unanticipated directions during the next few weeks. They’ll also be in expected forms from familiar influences, so the sum total of your learning could be quite spectacular. To take maximum advantage of that chance, just assume everyone and everything may have useful teachings, even people you usually ignore and situations that bored you before. Act like an eager student who’s hungry for knowledge and curious to fill in your educational gaps.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “The consuming desire of most human beings is deliberately to plant their whole life in the hands of some other person,” said British writer Quentin Crisp. If you harbor even a small tendency in that direction, I hope you make a concentrated effort to talk yourself out of it in the days ahead. In my astrological opinion, it’s a critical moment in the long-term evolution of healthy self-sufficiency. For your sake and the sake of those you love, find a way to shrink your urge to make them responsible for your well-being.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): If you go to California’s Yosemite National Park this month, you may get to witness a reddishgold waterfall. Here’s how: At sunset, gaze up at the sheer east face of the rock formation El Capitan. There you’ll see what seems to be a vertical river of fire; it’s called Horsetail Fall. I nominate this marvel to be your inspirational symbol for the weeks ahead. According to my astrological omen-reading, you‘ll have the power to blend fire and water in novel ways. Look at the photo at bit.ly/fluidicfire and imprint the image on your mind’s eye. It’ll help unleash the subconscious forces you’ll need to pull off your own natural wonder.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): After singer Amy Winehouse died, actor Russell Brand asked the public and media to scale back their derisive opinions about her struggle with intoxicants.

Addiction isn’t a romantic affectation or glamorous self-indulgence people are too lazy to overcome, he said. It’s a disease. Would you mock a schizophrenic for his “stupid” propensity for hearing voices? Would you ridicule a victim of multiple sclerosis for not being vigorous? I’m of the opinion that all of us have at least one addiction, though it may not be as disabling as Winehouse’s weakness for liquor and narcotics. What’s yours? Sugar? Internet? Bad relationships? The weeks ahead are a good time to seek help to heal.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

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One of Many

A former Duval County public school student says the first step toward saving education is ending standardized testing

O

ne in three ninth-graders in Duval County will not graduate on time, and many not at all. For those of us who have attended a Duval school at any time within the last 10 years, chances are this statistic does not come as a shock. We are intimately familiar with the failures of our schools. We’re reminded of the low standards and artificially inflated pass rates every time we apply for a job. For a long time, our community has denounced the School Board, demanding improvement, clamoring for sweeping change. Has anyone seen any sweeping change? No? Me neither. Our schools continue to let children slip through the cracks, and those who do graduate are churned out with diplomas, but often lack a grasp of basic reading and math skills. Forget college. Many of them are lost trying to decipher all the big words on their bank statement. College seems like a pipe dream.

I feel like it goes without saying that something needs to be done. I’m not the only one who thinks so. People are talking, and not just over water coolers and backyard fences.

The One by One Campaign, coordinated by the Jacksonville Public Education Fund, is fostering this dialogue all over Duval, hoping that the collective brain of the community can come up with some solutions. Clearly Duval County Public School Board hasn’t been too successful in the innovation department, so maybe our undereducated and underemployed masses can band together and mop up their mess for them.

We can only hope. The One by One Campaign may be the best thing that has happened to Duval’s schools in a long, long time.

One by One is reaching out to the community, holding town hall-style meetings in neighborhoods, schools, churches and businesses all over Duval. It is asking parents, teachers and even students, those who are most qualified to respond yet most frequently ignored, to tell our School Board how to solve our education problems. The ball is in our court now. We, who are DCPS survivors, licking the wounds from our fragmented education, have the opportunity to help school board officials understand exactly what went wrong. We, who search unsuccessfully for a life that is more fulfilling than spending mindnumbing hours hammering away on a cash register, can help stop this from happening to another young person.

The idea came from Mobile, Ala., of all places. Evidently their schools were floundering, too. So they went on a community campaign to ask people: “What the heck do we do?” The people spoke, Mobile’s school board listened, and a miracle happened. The project was actually successful. This has worked before.

It can work here. One by One wants to make it happen. So, Duval — what the heck do we do?

Many of the standard answers apply. Yes, there is a lack of parental involvement. Yes,

there are an unfortunate number of teachers who are willing to pass unqualified students through to avoid retribution. Yes, school administrators pressure teachers to pass unqualified students through. And yes, schools are grossly underfunded. But I would like to bring up another point: Education must go beyond simply forcing students to memorize facts.

Education must teach them how to think. As a veteran of Duval County schools, I can tell you that our curriculum was hyperfocused on standardized test scores. It started when I was in the first grade: the CTBS test. We affectionately dubbed it “Children’s Torture Before Summer.” Every year of elementary school was spent preparing for it.

I used to have nightmares about it chasing me through a swamp. And it only got worse after that. With junior high came the advent of the FCAT. School became a hateful cesspool of FCAT propaganda. I learned FCAT test-taking strategies, bubbled-in hundreds of practice FCAT bubble sheets, read passage after stupid, shallow passage of FCAT preparatory material.

The FCAT made me hate school. I used to love language arts. I loved reading books, and the opportunity to pick them apart, to peel back the layers of metaphor and peek down at the underlying messages. I felt special, like the ghost of a dead author had threaded these little wisps of wisdom between the lines of prose just for me to discover. I felt like I could discover anything. I used to love science, how everything could be broken down into bits, and all the bits rearranged into something entirely different. I loved learning. The FCAT ripped that away from me. It was like losing a friend.

Suddenly, we stopped talking about books and started talking about FCAT passages.

Lukewarm FCAT passages that required very little thought. Even our science classes gave way to science-related FCAT passage classes. Every time I ripped into one of those perforated seals on the side of a practice FCAT passage book, a piece of my natural curiosity screamed and died. By the end of middle school, I had stopped learning. School was dead to me. By the time I hit high school, I skipped more classes than I attended. Standardized tests almost cost me my diploma.

The problem with standardized tests is that they shove bland, uninspiring material at students and force them to memorize a series of facts and oversimplified processes. The material leaves no opening for students to ask questions, and, more importantly, leaves no room for analysis. Analysis is the greatest gift a teacher can give to a student. If a student can analyze a problem, think critically about its facets, and formulate a solution, he will be successful at everything he does for the rest of his life.

There is something about learning how

to analyze that just makes you not want to stop. You see, some people might lie to you and tell you that not all people are analytical.

This is a falsehood, a piece of misinformation that will lead you down paths of intellectual unrighteousness. Everyone has the capacity to be analytical. Some people just missed out on learning how because they went to school in Duval County, where fundamental life skills are not an educational priority. If you can think analytically, you can see the world differently.

You can solve multifaceted problems. Doors begin to open. Angels play trumpets while cherubs sing in the background. Once you learn to break apart problems and look at them critically, you start to want to learn. It makes thinking fun. Even math, which never fails to elicit a chorus of “When am I ever going to use this in real life?” can be transformed into something relevant and interesting if students are taught in a manner that allows them to break down concepts and understand their purpose, as opposed to just forcing a series of random formulas down their throats and then wondering why they don’t get it.

So here is my contribution to the One by One Campaign. Dear Duval County Public Schools: Standardized tests are the ugly trolls of childhood. I know they help you get federal funding, but at what cost? Our children deserve better than to have their curiosity and love for learning oppressed by a relentless march of bland rote memorization. They deserve better than minimum wage jobs. They should not have to face the bald fear of putting in dozens of applications and never getting a single call back. They deserve a fulfilling education that teaches them the skills they need to be successful in a fulfilling career. They deserve to graduate from high school with a diploma that they legitimately earned. But most of all, they deserve to leave school with a desire instilled in them to continue seeking knowledge. Instead of assigning blame and demanding more funding, you can go a long way toward fixing our schools by simply re-evaluating the way you define education.

Arielle S. Pompilius

Arielle S. Pompilius is a Jacksonville native and a business student at the University of North Florida.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be at least 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage submission to themail@folioweekly.com or snail mail it to Anne Schindler, Editor, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

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January 31-February 6, 2012 | folio weekly | 47

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