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Northeast Florida’s News & Opinion Magazine • Feb. 28-March 5, 2012 • That Fresh-From-the-Oven Flavor • 127,212 readers every week!

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Creative for the hell of it: Of Montreal bring their stage show to town. p. 21 Jaguars “crushed by little baby ponies, trampled by rednecks”: the Uncyclopedia’s take on Jacksonville. p. 6

f Ef e d c n ts u o S

uggles to keep the storied – and sometim r t s k r u T es Ryan tu d S i o e s s a u float. by Dan o lized – Wareh Brown a n o i t c i f

2 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

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14 MAIL Don’t celebrate yet, St. Augustine. Plus a Duval Jail inmate says it’s time to examine claims of judicial fairness. p. 4

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ON THE COVER Ryan Turk keeps a record of music, family and community, one note at a time. p. 18

EDITOR’S NOTE Signs that you’ve been had. p. 5

MUSIC Athens, Ga. indie freaks “of Montreal” bring their danceable Bowie-esque sound to Jacksonville. p. 21

NEWS A federal judge rules that EPA can – and should – set water pollution limits where the state has failed to do so. p. 6

Japanther dig their claws into punk pop, art rock and street politics. p. 22

BUZZ, BOUQUETS & BRICKBATS Jerry Holland gets behind electronic billboards in a big way. Plus: Bike Week? There’s an app for that. p. 7 SPORTSTALK Highs, lows, strained hammies: Racing season in the 904. p. 11 OUR PICKS Reasons to leave the house this week. p. 13 MOVIES Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon can’t save the mediocre “spy-jinks” of this listless rom-com. p. 14 Nicolas Cage returns as the lead role in a film so silly, it’s downright scary. p. 15

ARTS Legendary lyricist Bernie Taupin is a man of many colors — and he’s bringing them all to Avondale Artworks. p. 28 The DA Writers’ Festival celebrates a decade of growth with literary legend Margaret Atwood. p. 29 BACKPAGE A history of doomsday hucksterism, ksterism, from cults to the U.S. government. p. 43 I ♥ TELEVISION p. 9 HAPPENINGS p. 31 DINING GUIDE p. 33 NEWS OF THE WEIRD p. 388 I SAW U p. 39 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY p. 40 CLASSIFIEDS p. 41 February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 3

Locally Owned and Independent since 1987

Jailhouse Crock

I’m an inmate currently being housed at Duval County’s Pretrial Detention Facility. I am writing in regard to the article written in your paper concerning the Cristian Fernandez murder case and head prosecutor Angela Corey (Cover Story, Jan. 31). The article was right on the money.

Corey is taking people’s lives without thinking twice, whether the sentence is fair or not. All she cares about is getting the next conviction.

I’m just one of many inmates being held illegally under an unconstitutional drug law “F.S.893.13.” It was ruled unconstitutional by Federal Judge Mary S. Scriven last year. I was also illegally arrested on grounds of unlawful entrapment. The JSO officers forced me to take the blame for some drugs that did not belong to me and was found in a public parking lot, by threatening my family. I can prove this, but yet I am still being held on this charge, facing 35 years for some drugs that didn’t even belong to me. Jacksonville’s whole judicial system bears need of investigation. Otherwise, mine and everyone else’s civil rights will continue to be violated. Who is going to protect us from Angela Corey and this corrupt judicial system?

Johnny White Inmate 2011028256 Jacksonville

Thought Police

The issue of “inspirational messages” made by students in school is being debated by Congress. One member argued, “Hate can be inspirational.” Using this idea to ban students from exercising their freedom of speech is a form of stifling that right. To assume that any inspirational message could lead to a “hate message” — essentially denying “good” messages to prevent “bad” ones — is a form of immature paranoia.

Congress should have more important issues to debate than to try to make laws that take away the personal thinking process of students, then citizens.

If we allow these elected leaders to decide what is permitted as free speech, we in effect are giving them permission to deny us our rights to think for ourselves. That is not how democracy is supposed to work. That is how totalitarianism begins.

Simonne Liberty Jacksonville

Biblical Indeterminism

4 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

Mr. Shuttleworth’s replies to Folio Weekly’s articles are simultaneously enlightening and baffling (Mail, Feb. 14). It’s quite perplexing — whining about opponents of gay marriage being labeled as hate-mongers, then going on to assert that anything besides a narrow definition of acceptable behavior will “lead to moral decay and political and economic decline.” Call me crazy, but insisting that a 2-4.5 percent minority will bring about our collective doom if allowed rights everyone else takes for granted sounds plenty incendiary. Pretty sure the same was said about interracial marriage and desegregation a few decades back. As for the Roman Empire analogy repeated ad nauseum … Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire well before its collapse.

But personally, I find the letter’s close more interesting: talking about the Noah flood fable as if it were fact. It is not. This is not conjecture or personal belief. Noah’s flood is an impossibility and never happened. The way such a tale violates basic principles of biology,

chemistry, physics and geology, not to mention plain ol’ common sense, would take up too much space in a single letter.

Jeremy Racicot Via email

Walk the Walk

Susan Cooper Eastman’s article, “Walk the Line” (News, Feb. 7), is ostensibly about film documentation of “reconciliation” of Civil Rights abuse in St. Augustine, but it is instead, I believe, a testimony to how gullible and easily deceived we have all become, how badly we all want to believe in each other’s goodness, how truly fearful we all are and how the aberrant few — the abnormal, morally deficient, selfanointed elite less than 1 percent among us — constantly work to deceive us and prevent us from living in harmony with each other.

Jim Crow is only one variant of evil Civil Rights-denying 1 percent laws. These evil 1 percent laws are always accompanied with a scapegoat (an underclass group to demonize).

In the Jim Crow era, it was blacks who were disproportionately demonized and abused of their Civil Rights (though it should be noted that thousands of poor whites were also a target of many of these laws). That past racist abuse has abated here in St. Augustine, and in the rest of the nation, because of the courageous efforts of MLK, Andrew Young, the Foot Soldiers and countless others. I applaud those efforts, and in no way intend to diminish those heroic efforts, but there is an element of being unwittingly duped by the same people that oppressed us that needs to be discussed and considered by all of us.

The problem is that the Civil Rights abuses have continued and even increased, both overtly and covertly. The underclass that is now being overtly demonized are the homeless, street artists and musicians, and anyone else who might advocate for their Civil Rights and speak out on their behalf. They are demonized as lazy, shiftless, not wanting to work, etc.

Even as these “reconciliation” monuments were being “negotiated” with the gangster city of St. Augustine government, patently unconstitutional laws are being enforced by a goon squad, sell-out, bully St. Augustine police force. Do we not see the conflict here?

Do we not see the moral dilemma? Do we not see the unwitting hypocrisy? We are accepting commemorative awards of honor from the same people who, at the very same time, are still brutally abusing, oppressing and dishonoring us.

I believe that if MLK were alive and here in St. Augustine today, he would politely decline and shun these disingenuous and manipulative chump-change monuments, and work instead to reclaim and revise our community. I believe he would say again, “Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

Warren Celli St. Augustine

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Speak Now

It’s time for Clay County Manager Stephanie Kopelousos to start answering questions about her role in a multimillion dollar taxpayer ripoff

M

r. James Peavy has lived in the Panhandle a long time, and driven a lot of miles on I-10.

So he knew right away that something was wrong when he saw thousands of trees being clearcut.

His July 2009 call to the state Department of Transportation was among the first in a long line of questions — inquiries that became a state attorney’s investigation and culminated in a grand jury report released last month. Grand jurors reached the exquisitely unsatisfying conclusion that: A. the law had been broken, and B. they had no idea who had broken it.

Before we get too deep into the weeds on this — who cut the trees, at whose request, for what purpose, at whose expense — let’s just make one point. The head of the DOT was involved in the illegal tree removal, has never once publicly answered for her actions and is now the most powerful and the highest-paid official in Clay County. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: Meet your $177,000-a-year Clay County Manager, Stephanie Kopelousos!

Kopelousos was appointed chief of DOT in 2007, having stairstepped through a series of patronage jobs to become the first nonengineer to run the $8 billion-a-year agency.

Though not a frequent public speaker, Kopelousos has a peculiar verbal crutch. “I’ll tell you,” she frequently begins sentences. “I will tell you this.”

We’re waiting.

Her appointment was controversial, prompting the resignation of a number of high-level DOT officials, a fact that doubtless sowed the seeds of professional insecurity. Regardless (or perhaps because) of that, she worked to establish herself as someone willing to please lawmakers. As The Florida Times-Union wrote last March, “She has built a reputation on carrying out politicians’ agendas.”

In early 2009, Kopelousos was approached by then-state Rep. Greg Evers, the chair of the powerful House Transportation Committee, which oversees DOT’s budget. Evers (now a state senator) wanted a favor. His high school buddy, David McCurdy, managed a billboard company, and he wanted to clear trees to create better “viewing zones” for his signs. But when he asked DOT about removing the trees, he didn’t like the answer. That’s because according to state law, creating a new billboard viewing zone requires giving up two older, “non-conforming” signs that don’t accord with state laws. The law also requires that any application to remove trees include what’s known as a vegetation management plan — an arborist’s survey that calculates what trees will be removed, and what fees are owed.

David McCurdy didn’t want to pay for the tree removal, or give up existing billboards. So he called his pal Evers and, as a January grand jury report noted, asked for some “help with the permitting process.”

Evers, who had what the grand jury called “a great deal of control over the FDOT budget,” contacted Kopelousos, and she bent over backwards to help. She assigned her top deputy to the matter, Assistant DOT Secretary Kevin Thibault, and she obediently followed up when things didn’t move as quickly as Evers expected.

Six days after helpfully providing his friend’s contact info, Evers asked for a progress report.

“I will check,” Kopelousos responded via email within the hour. “I will report back.”

Evers gushed appreciatively. “Madame Secretary, your time is too important to spend following up on such a small matter.” Minutes later, she replied, “No matter is too small.”

In truth, it wasn’t such a small matter. The billboard company, Salter Advertising, ended up getting 110 permits to clearcut trees without submitting a single vegetation management plan or sacrificing a single “non-conforming” billboard. The company proceeded to clearcut more than 2,000 trees on state land. According to the grand jury report, the amount the state should have collected for those trees was “an estimated one to four million dollars in mitigation fees.” The value of the 56 signs that Salter Advertising ought to have sacrificed in the deal amounts to roughly another $4 million.

It’s a pretty sweet deal for Salter Advertising, which — despite the recommendations of the grand jury — has not been asked to pony up the millions it owes the state. Amazingly, as The Florida Times-Union reported earlier this month, the company’s tree removal permits remain active, even though the grand jury determined they violate state law.

And for those who made it possible? Not a single repercussion — this, despite the fact that a grand jury concluded the clearcutting occurred “in flagrant violation of the law.”

Nobody has been reprimanded; nobody fired.

Those involved were allowed to retire, with full benefits, move on to work in the private sector, or, like Stephanie Kopelousos, welcomed to yet one more job on the public dime. Since taking the job in March, she’s overseen some of the tightest budgets Clay County has seen, with much talk of belt-tightening and “doing more with less.” Remarkably, she has not been called to account by a single Clay County Commissioner for what the grand jury called a “debacle” — and the millions in taxpayer dollars that she cost the state.

Though not a frequent public speaker, Kopelousos has a peculiar verbal crutch. “I’ll tell you,” she frequently begins sentences. “I will tell you this.” It’s an interesting choice of words for someone who owes every taxpayer in the state an explanation, and has refused as yet to provide one.

Anne Schindler themail@folioweekly.com

Read the full grand jury report at http://bit.ly/xXcxUA

FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 5

NewsBuzz

Give Peas a Chance It’s that time again, carnivores — the second annual No Meat March, a time when locals are asked to sign a pledge to remain meat-free for the month of March.

Those already committed include a handful of local celebrities like WJCT’s Melissa Ross, the Jazoo Lion and Folio Weekly’s own columnist Shelton Hull. To sign the meat-free pledge or download a “vegetarian starter kit,” go to nomeatmarch.com.

Board with Myself “If you help me put out the message, I’ll be your advocate.”

— Duval County Supervisor of Elections Jerry Holland, explaining his support for Clear Channel’s new electronic billboards, which frequently feature SOE messages — or sometimes just Holland’s eager-boy face. The new digital billboards popping up around town are the likely target of a lawsuit, since they appear to violate a legal agreement worked out between the city, billboard companies and Scenic Jacksonville, the group that successfully passed a citizens charter amendment banning new billboards.

Clear Channel, which provides Holland’s office with the messages free of charge, clearly knows the value of cultivating such relationships (something they’ve also done with the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office and various local nonprofits).

It’s easy being green — at least under the state’s old narrative water pollution standards. A judge’s ruling requiring a number-based standard aims to prevent future algae blooms.

National Defense

A federal judge rules that EPA can – and should – set water pollution limits where the state has failed to do so

T Bold New City of the Sizzouth If you haven’t yet read the Uncyclopedia’s definition of Jacksonville, we’ve culled a portion for your enjoyment. The satirical wiki, which claims to “provide the world’s misinformation in the least redeeming and most searingly sarcastic and humorous way possible” accomplishes that in its intimate takedown of ye olde River City. A sampling: Motto: “Whate thee Fucke (WTF)” Government: Jacksonville is officially governed by the First Baptist Church of Jacksonville under “Dr.” Mac Brunson. This government was not elected by the [people] and is not recognized by the state of Florida; however, it rules over the river city with an iron fist.

Sports: Jacksonville Jaguars. Jacksonville does have a football team! … A sucky one. The Jaguars have been known to lead the league in fumbles, but boy they sure do run fast. In their illustrious NFL career, they have been crushed by little baby Ponies, trampled by rednecks from Houston, burned by Fireballs from Tennessee, and incarcerated by law enforcement.

Good stuff! Check out the complete entry at http://bit.ly/ArCVFK 6 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

he green slime that coated the docks and waters of the St. Johns River seven years ago told one helluva story. It was a narrative of pollution, low water flow, high summer temperatures and insufficient protection. But the story came too late for the river. Which is why environmentalists have long objected to socalled “narrative” standards for water pollution.

They require something to be visibly wrong with a lake or river — scum, film, algae blooms, fish kills — to constitute water quality violations.

Numeric standards, by contrast, are based on simple data points: the pollutant concentration at which a water body is safe for its designated use, and beyond which it is considered “impaired” and needing cleanup.

One might think that the predictable nature of numeric standards would appeal to regulators and industry. Not so. In fact, for more than a decade, both fought the implementation of numeric nutrient standards, using considerable political and financial muscle to keep such standards at bay.

Some 14 years ago, the federal Environmental Protection Agency told Florida that its water pollution regulations had failed to protect the state’s waters. Fertilizer runoff from agriculture, pesticide-laden stormwater, treated wastewater and paper mill effluent had fouled lakes and rivers with nitrogen and phosphorous, prompting algae blooms and fish kills. According to the EPA, the state’s narrative standards — which held that the nitrogen and

phosphorous content in a water body couldn’t “cause an imbalance in natural populations of aquatic flora or fauna” — hadn’t protected state waters. In 1998, EPA ordered Florida and other states to develop specific numeric limits on concentrations of phosphorous and nitrogen.

But the state Department of Environmental

attacked EPA’s science and put pressure on U.S. lawmakers to force EPA to abandon the effort.

State Attorney General Pam Bondi and State Agricultural Commissioner Adam Putnam also joined with some 20 industry and utility groups in a slew of related lawsuits trying to oust EPA from the matter.

U.S. Judge Robert L. Hinkle discounted the state’s arguments that the federal government didn’t have the authority to step in to protect state waters. For environmental groups, the ruling was reason to celebrate.

Protection, under political pressure to ignore the feds, put off new regulations. So in July 2008, a coalition of environmental interests, including Earthjustice and the St. Johns Riverkeeper, sued EPA, claming that in light of the state’s failure, EPA was obligated to set the numeric standards itself. In 2009, the EPA agreed, and entered into a voluntary consent decree, promising to set the standards for Florida’s lakes and rivers by January 2010.

Polluting industries, lawmakers and the state DEP cast the deal as federal interference in state business, and warned that complying with the rules would cost billions of dollars. They

But on Feb. 18, a federal judge ruled decisively that EPA has the authority to set Florida standards in order to uphold the Clean Water Act. In his ruling, Judge Robert L. Hinkle discounted the state’s arguments that the federal government didn’t have the authority to step in to protect state waters, as well as arguments that EPA’s numeric criteria were arbitrary markers.

The ruling means the state will finally have numeric nitrogen and phosphorous limits for Florida’s lakes and springs in place by March 6.

For environmental groups like Earthjustice and the St. Johns Riverkeeper, Hinkle’s ruling was reason to celebrate.

“It’s a victory for us,” says new St. Johns Riverkeeper Lisa Rinaman. “The ruling upholds that the numeric criteria is needed in Florida to meet the requirements of the Clean Water Act.” But industry also claimed victory. While Judge Hinkle adopted EPA standards for lakes and springs, he threw out its standards for rivers and streams. Hinkle said there wasn’t adequate scientific evidence behind the EPA criteria, and he ordered the agency to develop new criteria

by May 21.

That part of the ruling opens the door for the state DEP to argue that EPA should simply adopt the new numeric standards that DEP has since developed for rivers and streams. Those standards remain hugely unpopular among environmentalists, since the numbers are tied to the point at which a water body is at ecological collapse, rather than the level at which it remains healthy. However, DEP’s standards are supported by agriculture, industry, utilities and many lawmakers. In fact, Gov. Rick Scott signed

legislation several weeks ago to adopt the DEP’s standards without the usual legislative review, so that they can be transmitted quickly to EPA for adoption in place of federal standards.

Rinaman characterizes Hinkle’s dismissal of the rivers and streams standards as a “technical issue,” saying the new deadline gives the Riverkeeper and other organizations time to review the science. “The ruling … allows us time for clarification,” she says. But on the part of the state and the industry polluters, she concedes, “It does also give them time for more maneuvering.”

In the meantime, Earthjustice, the Riverkeeper and the other environmental organizations have filed an administrative challenge to the state’s dubious numerical criteria for rivers and streams. The challenge is the subject of a two-week hearing that was scheduled to begin on Feb. 27.

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com

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Police Memorial Building, Jacksonville, February 7

Bouquets to Ronald “Doc” Renuart (R-Ponte Vedra Beach) for taking a principled stand on behalf of neighborhood rights in fighting a bill to give the Florida School for the Deaf and the Blind the power of eminent domain rights. The bill, which was introduced by longtime FSDB board member and state Rep. Bill Proctor (R-St. Augustine), would give the St. Augustine school (which has already acquired and razed a city block of homes) carte blanche to continue its assault on the historic neighborhood that surrounds it.

Brickbats to JTA Executive Director Michael Blaylock for needing a newspaper investigation to realize that oversight of his agency’s bus driving employees was pathetically lax. After a bus driver with a history of accidents killed a passenger as he disembarked in October, the T-U began an investigation that found three out of four JTA bus drivers have criminal records or driving violations.

Blaylock, responding to the problem in a Times-Union exposé, has promised to “fix it.”

Brickbats to the Nassau County Commission for repealing a law requiring new development to pay for the road improvements to offset traffic increases. The state’s 2011 Community Planning Act removed planning oversight from the state and gave it to local governments. Commissioners like Danny Leeper hailed the recent elimination of concurrency requirements as a boon for new development, without acknowledging that those costs will simply be transferred to alreadyburdened taxpayers.

FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 7

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Flood of Misinformation

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“It’s the first time I’ve heard about climate change being good.”

— St. Johns Riverkeeper Lisa Rinaman, commenting on a St. Johns River Water Management report that concludes that proposed water withdrawals from the river will be offset by increases in stormwater runoff and sea level rise due to climate change. (Read last week’s Editor’s Note on this subject at http://bit.ly/wkTlKu)

No Visible Signs The panhandlers who once flew signs at the St. Augustine carousel at Davenport Park (some of whom were the subject of a recent FW cover story, http://bit.ly/zSZxzT) have disappeared from sight.

The reason: The City Commission passed several ordinances outlawing them. Just before Christmas, the city’s “no-panhandling” zone was expanded to include the park. The city also passed an ordinance that makes it illegal to step into a traffic lane to approach a vehicle.

Sharing is Caring

Hog Heaven “Been to Bike Week, then later found you missed out on that epic concert, or that once-in-a-lifetime coleslaw wrestling at the Cabbage Patch?”

— Promotion for a new Android app, “ibikeweek.”

The free app was developed by St. Augustine motorcycle enthusiast Chris Thompson to provide insider information on bike rallies all over the U.S. The app also offers complete event schedules, customized alerts, and links to hotels, bars, activities, rides and rallies for Daytona Bike Week March 9-18. For more information, go to ibikeweek.com

© 2012

8 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

FolioWeekly

The Florida Department of Transportation recently painted bicycle images topped by a double chevron on the traffic lanes on the Bridge of Lions in St. Augustine as well as on a section of Riverside Avenue in Jacksonville. The so-called Sharrows, or “shared lane pavement markings,” alert motorists to the presence of bicyclists because the road isn’t wide enough for a separate bicycle lane.

Something in the Air For a second year, the Jacksonville Arboretum is inviting a group of 37 landscape artists to set up easels and paint scenes in the garden. A Brush with Nature will take place March 29-31. In addition to being able to watch the artists’ work take shape, visitors will also be offered guided tours of the arboretum, food, live music and a children’s art tent.

For more information, go to abrushwithnature.org.

My Alternate Reality A

few of you have mentioned that you “don’t like” me much, and that I might be happier living somewhere else — perhaps in an “alternate reality.” Well, let me tell YOU something! I would like nothing more! You think this reality is a cakewalk for me? I have absolutely no business being in this particular

“Alternative reality me” is probably also a square, uninteresting newspaper columnist, with a lousy butt and little sexual experience. universe — what with your stringent “rules” and “laws” against public nudity, rampant drug usage and squad car larceny!

The bad news is that a) I have no idea if an alternate reality exists, b) if an alternate reality does exist, I have no idea how to get there and most horribly, c) what if another “me” already lives there? The thought of a nice, non-blow snorting, upstanding citizen (“alternative reality me”) suffering in a universe where inhaling copious amounts of booger sugar is actually encouraged? Breaks my heart.

“Alternative reality me” is probably also a square, uninteresting newspaper columnist, with a lousy butt and little sexual experience.

Yet in his reality, the world is probably a non-stop drunken rager where Charlie Sheen’s president, there’s a war on hugs (not drugs), and you get a free quickie every time you fill up your Humvee. (Sob! I WANT TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD!!)

Anyway, I got to thinking about all this “alternative reality” crap after watching the new NBC cop/fantasy drama “Awake” (debuts Thursday, March 1, 10 p.m.). Unlike the “cop fantasies” I’m used to, this one doesn’t involve me in the back of a patrol care, handcuffed, blindfolded and dressed like a hooker. “Awake” stars Jason Isaacs (“Brotherhood”) as police detective Michael Britten who, along with his wife and son, is involved in a devastating car accident. When he comes to, Michael learns his son is dead, and his wife Hannah (Laura Allen) is consumed by grief. HOWEVER! The moment he falls asleep, he awakes to another reality where his son’s alive and his wife’s dead!

WHAAAAT THAAAA FAWWWWK??

To make things even more confusing, Michael has no idea which reality is “real.” He solves crimes in each reality (which are weirdly connected), spends time with his wife or son (depending on which reality he’s in at the time), and visits competing psychologists (each trying to convince him the other doesn’t exist)!

The awesome things about “Awake” outweigh the problems; the cast is unilaterally terrific, the writing is sufficiently smarty-pants and the direction keeps us from forgetting which reality we’re watching. My only question: Why is this a series? The first episode is aces, but would’ve made a much better movie, and I can’t imagine how they’ll sustain the intensity and interest through multiple episodes. Regardless! Smart, well-acted

TV doesn’t come around every day, so give “Awake” the shot it deserves. (No matter which reality you inhabit.)

As for me, I’ll continue working on a way to free (and switch places with) my alternate reality counterpart — which will hopefully transpire before my felony trial next week. (I’ll bet alternate reality Prez Charlie Sheen has no problem with me using a stolen Oscar Meyer Weiner-mobile to steal monkeys from the zoo.

Did I mention I’m nude?)

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 28 8:00 PBS AMERICAN EXPERIENCE Tonight the documentary series explores the Amish: Their lifestyles! Their buggies! Their sexy beards!

10:00 FX JUSTIFIED Raylan bumps noggins with the FBI trying to squash the Detroit mob.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 29 9:00 CW AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL: BRITISH INVASION England’s Next Top Models take on the Americans to see which country is the most daft (“stupid” in Britspeak).

10:00 NGC AMERICAN WEED Someone robbed the local marijuana shop and for some reason, the owners suspect “pot heads.”

THURSDAY, MARCH 1 8:00 NBC 30 ROCK The game is afoot in this “30 Rock” mystery™, “Alexis Goodlooking and the Case of the Missing Whisky.”

8:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Leslie and Ben freak the fawk out when her opponent hires a high-power Washington campaign manager.

FRIDAY, MARCH 2 9:00 NBC GRIMM A friend of the family visits Nick to provide even more info about his demon-hunting family!

SATURDAY, MARCH 3 8:00 FOX Q’VIVA! THE CHOSEN Debut! Because Latin America doesn’t have enough problems, here’s J.Lo’s new reality contest that’s looking for the next Latin superstar.

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE This week hosted by Lindsay Lohan. (This can’t be part of her community service, right?)

SUNDAY, MARCH 4 9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD Shock! Shane and Rick agree on something! Not Shock! Dale bemoans the group’s lack of humanity.

10:00 ABC GCB Debut! An acronym for “Good Christian Belles” which was the replacement title for “Good Christian Bitches.” I hate you, network TV.

MONDAY, MARCH 5 10:00 NBC SMASH Ivy is worried about sleeping with her director and … no one’s watching this show except me, right?

10:00 BRAVO LOVE BROKER Debut! A New York City matchmaker finds dates for wealthy, socially retarded men — of which there are quite a few, apparently!

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey steve@portlandmercury.com

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 9

The Mustard Seed Cafe

Located inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items. Daily specials include local seafood, freerange chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available — all prepared with Stephanie Christopher’s impeccable style. Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.-Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net 833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Lulu’s at The Thompson House

Lulu’s owners, Brian and Melanie Grimley, offer an innovative lunch menu, including po’boys, salads and seafood “little plates” served in the gardens of the historic Thompson House. Dinner features fresh local seafood (Fernandina shrimp is the focus every Thursday), and nightly specials. An extensive wine list and beer are available. Open for lunch and dinner Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations are recommended.

11 S. Seventh Street 904-432-8394

PLAE Restaurant & Lounge

Located in the Spa & Shops at Amelia Island Plantation, PLAE serves bistro style cuisine. The full bar lounge at PLAE has become an instant classic, with artistic décor and live entertainment nightly.

Now you can PLAE during the day, too! Open for lunch Tue.-Sat. 11:30 a.m.-2:30p.m. Open at 5:30 p.m. for dinner daily; reservations accepted.

80 Amelia Village Cir. 904-277-2132

Moon River Pizza

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family.

Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beers. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

The Surf

Enjoy a casual beach atmosphere in the full-service restaurant, bar and huge oceanview deck. Extensive menu features delicious steaks, fresh seafood and nightly specials. Also featuring salads, wraps, burgers, seafood baskets and our famous all-you-can-eat wing specials (Wed. & Sun.). Take-out available. Open at 11 a.m. daily for lunch, dinner and latenight menu. Entertainment nightly and 29 TVs throughout.

3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-261-5711

The Palace Saloon

It’s been the cornerstone of downtown Fernandina Beach since 1903. Florida’s oldest continually operating bar serves great bar food, including 10-oz. burgers, gourmet hot dogs, New York-style pizza and our famous Fernandina Fish & Chips. And you never know when Uncle Charlie’s ghost will join you for lunch and a cocktail! Pirates Punch, full liquor bar and over 100 craft beers to choose. Catch all the games on 13 giant screens every Sunday. Open daily noon-2. thepalacesaloon.com 117 Centre Street 904-491-3332

Cafe Karibo

Homemade sandwiches, salads and soups are served in a relaxed atmosphere in this charming building in the historic district. Delicious fresh fish specials and theme nights (Pad Thai and curry), plus vegetarian dishes, are also featured. Karibrew Brew Pub & Grub — the only one on the island — offers on-site beers and great burgers and sandwiches.

27 N. Third Street 904-277-5269

29 South Eats

This chic, neighborhood bistro has it all — great ambience, fantastic food, an extensive wine list and reasonable prices. The eclectic menu offers traditional world cuisine with a modern whimsical twist and Chef Scotty Schwartz won Best Chef in Folio Weekly’s 2007 Best of Jax readers poll. Open for lunch Tues.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., for dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m. Mon.Thur., till 10 p.m. Fri. and Sat. Brunch is 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Sun. 29southrestaurant.com 29 S. Third Street 904-277-7919

Brett’s Waterway Café

Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660

T-Ray’s Burger Station

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items.

In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go!

Now serving Beer & Wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

Jack & Diane’s

The locals’ favorite hangout! Dine inside or on the patio of this cozy, renovated 1887 shotgun home in historic downtown Fernandina. From the crab & shrimp omelet to the steak & tomato pie, “The tastiest spot on Centre” offers food with attitude and unexpected flair. Live music elevates your dining experience to a new level. Come for breakfast, stay for dinner! You’ll love every bite!

708 Centre Street 904-321-1444

Sliders Seaside Grill

Oceanfront dining at its finest. Award-winning crab cakes, fresh daily seafood specials and homemade desserts. Sliders has Amelia Island’s only waterfront Tiki Bar, as well as a children’s playground and live music every weekend. The dining experience is complete with brand-new second-story banquet facilities, bar and verandah. Open at 11 a.m. daily, with happy hour from 4-7 p.m. Mon.-Fri. Make Sliders Seaside Grill your place to be for friends and family, entertainment and the best food on the East Coast. Call for your next special event.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-277-6652

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville 10 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

Sportstalk Always on the Run

Highs, lows, strained hammies: Racing season in the 904

D

uring every month of the year, there are road races in Northeast Florida — everything from 5Ks for beginners to half-marathons and marathons for the more seasoned athletes.

But if the area could be said to have a running season, this time of year would be it. And every year, it seems, there are more events and more competition in each event.

This year, the fields seem especially thick.

Perhaps it’s because of the warm winter. As I write this, it is 72 degrees on a mid-February Sunday morning. Perhaps it’s because of their charitable instincts (most races are fundraisers of one kind or another). Or perhaps it’s because people have, however unconsciously, decided to be part of the solution to our region’s obesity epidemic. Notable about the runners in most races, except for the

Another of our region’s Big Races has just concluded, The 26.2 With Donna, The National Marathon to Finish Breast Cancer, the proceeds from which – as most locals know — go to benefit breast cancer research and to empower women living with breast cancer. For some, the 2012 entry fees — especially closer to the event — proved prohibitive ($125 for the full marathon). There were even some nonprofits who grumbled, off the record, about how the event wanted more than $600 for them to set up a booth. The event had 2,288 registrants, though one wonders how many more might’ve signed up if they hadn’t been scared off by the price tag. “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it” is a great line in some situations, but in the democratic world of charity runs, Deegan’s event might consider

I vividly recall seeing Eddie Farah’s red, straining face at around mile 5 in last year’s Gate River Run, a world removed from the calm and collected visage made ubiquitous through decades of heavy advertising.

13.1 and 26.2 variety, is that many of them don’t fit the stereotype of the elite runner. I vividly recall seeing Eddie Farah’s red, straining face at around mile 5 in last year’s Gate River Run, a world removed from the calm and collected visage made ubiquitous through decades of heavy advertising.

Farah, who often goes to careful lengths to cultivate an Everyman image, could’ve shelved all of scripted advertisements and used a picture of himself from that moment to represent how he, really, was just like everyone else, busting his ass, not to win the race but just to conquer it — and the Hart bridge — one more year. You might see Eddie Farah if you run the Gate River Run this year and your pace falls in line with that of the fiftysomething trial lawyer. But if you’re reading this and you haven’t registered, it may already be too late; projections at press time were that the River Run would hit its cap of 20,000 registrations by the end of February.

This is an amazing number, given that last year there were just over 16,000 registrants and slightly less than 15,000 finishers, reflective of the enduring quality of the event (35 years and “running”) and of the reasonable registration fees (just $35 through the end of the month). What is clear is that the River Run is, like so many of the runs around here, a source of community pride and interconnection. And it’s the world’s largest 15K, to boot.

lowering the fee (or maybe offering an incomebased “sliding scale”) to facilitate more sign-ups.

Likewise, maybe more than $600 for a non-profit exhibition booth isn’t such a great idea, either.

However, we may see events like future iterations of the River Run increase their prices because they can. Most of those who run have the disposable income to do so, and they savor the feeling of accomplishment. I write this column with sore arms and legs after running the Sulzbacher Center 8K, an event I had to choose over a 10K in Fernandina the same day. A fun race, especially the early parts on the Main and Acosta bridges. But I lamented that even though we passed by the Jags’ stadium, running inside the structure — an extra level of challenge — wasn’t an option.

The Sulzbacher 8K ($35 day-of-race entry fee) had only a few hundred participants; part of the reason for that might be that it struggles for visibility in a crowded race calendar. Staging the run at The Jacksonville Landing, with its indoor bathrooms with soap and water, was a great touch. It would’ve been even better if at least one Landing eatery had been open before the race, so spectators who wanted coffee or food could buy it. But if The Landing were interested in doing business, it would be a different place.

A.G. Gancarski themail@folioweekly.com

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 11

© 2012

12 | FOLIO WEEKLY | FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012

Reasons to leave the house this week SPORT TRI-JAX TOURNEY

Folio Weekly readers can hoist their ample asses off hemp-cloth futon mattress and lace up for the inaugural Tri-Jax Challenge, featuring swimming, biking and running competitions for kids and adults. The Junior (ages 7-11) and Senior (ages 12-25) youth events are held on Saturday, March 3 from 9 a.m.-2 p.m.; the Sprint (ages 16 and older) is on Sunday, March 4 from 9 a.m.-3 p.m.

Both are at Cecil Recreation Complex, 13611 Normandy Blvd., Jacksonville. Prizes, goodies, medals and T-shirts are featured. Entry fees start at $35. To register, go to trijaxchallenge.com.

573-3157.

JAZZ

SIMONE

What’s in a name? When it comes to the actress/ singer Simone, the lineage goes straight to legendary jazz artist Nina Simone. Born Lisa Celeste Stroud, Simone first captured the ears of music fans performing in Broadway and touring productions “Aida,” “Jesus Christ Superstar” and “Rent.” This onetime U.S. Air Force engineer has also issued two well-received original albums and played at international jazz festivals. Simone performs on Saturday, March 3 at 7 and 10 p.m. at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Advance tickets for each show are $21; $25 at the door. 632-5555.

POP ART @ MOCA

BOOK IT DASOTA WRITERS FEST

The Douglas Anderson School of the Arts’ Writers Festival is held Thursday, March 1-Saturday, March 3 and features workshops, readings and appearances by 14 authors including Al Letson, Clark Lunberry, Lola Haskins, Peter Meineke (pictured) and Margaret Atwood, the Booker Prize-winning author of “The Handmaid’s Tale” and “The Blind Assassin.” Tickets are $60; $35 for students; $10 for Atwood’s appearance only. For a full schedule of events, held on DASOTA’s campus and University of North Florida, and to purchase tickets, go to douglasandersonwritersfest.com.

For our story about Atwood, turn to page 29.

322-3811.

NEAR DEAD EXPERIENCE DARK STAR ORCHESTRA

Since 1997, tie-dyed-in-the-wool tribute band Dark Star Orchestra has “performed” more than 1,300 shows originally played by the Grateful Dead. We have our own favorite Dead shows (like 12/6/73, with its wall-breathing version of “Dark Star”), but we wonder if DSO even tackles the lamer shows from the Dead’s catalog (say, the notorious stinker from 8/24/85?) Dark Star Orchestra appears on Wednesday, Feb. 29 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. SRO tickets are $23. Wind Bathers are welcome. 209-0399.

In the ’60s, Civil Rights, the sexual revolution and anti-war demonstrations moved to the forefront of the American experience — and the art world was transformed from a staid black-and-white to vibrant Technicolor. Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville offers the exhibit “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s,” a collection exploring ’60s-born movements like pop art, op art, performance art and minimalism with original works by Andy Warhol, Roy Lichtenstein, Willem de Kooning, Mark Rothko, Jasper Johns and Robert Rauschenberg. The panel discussion, “In Sequence: Pop Art, Comic Books and the High Art of Roy Lichtenstein,” moderated by local spoken word artist and NPR host Al Letson, features MOCA director Marcelle Polednik, UNF professor James Green and others. The free event is held on Thursday, March 1 at 7 p.m. at MOCA, 333 N. Laura St., downtown Jacksonville. 366-6911.

OPERA LA TRAVIATA

While Folio Weekly always thought Verdi’s acclaimed opera “La Traviata” was that musical about a French hooker, it turns out we were a little, uh, off-key. Adapted from a novel by Alexandre Dumas, “La Traviata” (literally, “The Fallen Woman”) was first performed in 1853. Since then, the three-act story of doomed lovers has become one of the world’s most treasured operas and a classic example of 19th-century Romanticism.

Teatro Lirico D’Europa presents Verdi’s “La Traviata,” with a company of 60 including a full orchestra, on Sunday, March 4 at 7 p.m. at T-U Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Performed in Italian with English supertitles. Tickets range from $29-$54. 633-6110.

FILM JOHN CAMERON MITCHELL

John Cameron Mitchell’s first stage role was as the Virgin Mary in a Nativity scene when he was 11 years old. Two decades later, the Texas-born writer-actor-director starred as a transgendered East German glam rocker in the 2000 film adaptation of the musical “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.” Mitchell is heralded for his progressive stance on human sexuality (and involvement with The Radical Faeries spiritual movement), and his films “Shortbus” and “Rabbit Hole” place him squarely in the forefront of 21st century cinema. On Friday, March 2 at 7:30 p.m., Mitchell offers commentary along with actors PJ Deboy and Paul Dawson at the screening of “Shortbus” as part of The Talkies series; “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” is shown at 10 p.m. at SunRay Cinema, 1028 Park St., Five Points.

On Saturday, March 3 at 7 p.m., Mitchell screens two of his favorite films, Albert Brooks’ “Real Life” and Terrence Malick’s “Badlands.” 359-0047. sunraycinema.com February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 13

Ménage a Trite: Chris Pine and Tom Hardy star as spies locked in a love triangle with Reese Witherspoon in the silly rom-com “This Means War.”

The Spy Who Bored Me

Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon can’t save the mediocre “spy-jinks” of this listless rom-com This Means War **@@

Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

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14 | FOLIO WEEKLY | FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012

iven all the hype attending “quality films” this time of year, with one award ceremony following another, it’s hard to figure how and why movies like “This Means War” ever get made. It’s got one big female star (Oscar-winner Reese Witherspoon), two up-and-coming male leads (Chris Pine and Tom Hardy), and a fairly recognizable director in McG. That it had a sizable budget is also obvious up there on the big screen, so someone besides the major participants already mentioned must have envisioned substantial rewards — in terms of box-office, anyway. No one in their right minds could’ve — or should’ve — ever imagined a romantic action comedy like “This Means War” winning any kind of award.

Frankly, I’ll be surprised it if it gets much response at the box-office, either. As with most Jennifer Aniston or Katherine Heigl movies, the new movie plays like a mediocre idea gone even worse. The major difference this time is that Witherspoon gets caught in the embarrassment.

Yet another variation on the comic triangle, the plot has Chris Pine and Tom Hardy as two CIA operatives named FDR and Tuck.

Cute, huh? The opening sequence shows them at work, which involves lots of shooting and pandemonium atop a high-rise when the two young agents confront some bad guys; everyone’s wearing designer duds, natch. When all is dead and done, we discover FDR and Tuck exchange quips as efficiently as they deal mayhem. Their model is the Roger Moore version of James Bond in “Octopussy,” perhaps the most ill-conceived of the Bond flicks which had 007 wearing a clown costume at one point.

FDR and Tuck are almost as ridiculous, though neither quite resorts to greasepaint. At one point, Tuck takes Lauren (Witherspoon) with him to a paintball tournament, to show her how much of a man he is. A really stupid sequence — and not the only one in the film — the interlude concludes with Lauren shooting Tuck in the crotch, leaving the doubled-up guy

with a big yellow stain you-know-where. At least James Bond never suffered that kind of indignity.

At their agency desk jobs, FDR and Tuck are occasionally harangued by their boss, Director Collins (Angela Bassett, utterly wasted here). Bored and frustrated, the boys go to an online dating service where they both become, unknown at first to one another, intrigued by pretty blonde Lauren, a kitchenware research analyst. In short order, the now-ex-friends are soon in competition to see who can bag the unwary girl, while she’s becoming increasingly attracted to both of them. The men employ all the spy resources of the CIA to track one another’s dating techniques, while Lauren’s only resource is her horny, hilarious best friend Trish (Chelsea Handler, who just about steals the movie).

Meanwhile, the bad guy is back in town, his sights squarely on the two distracted hunks, too busy fighting (literally) over the distracted chick.

“This Means War” is as superficial and slick as its trailers and poster suggest, the contents indistinguishable from the wrappings. Top-billed Witherspoon is strictly in her pre-Oscar “cute” mode, while Chris Pine and Tom Hardy — Pine in particular — essentially wear clothes well.

Pine has the more thankless role, his character meant to be utterly conceited and self-possessed until his heart is touched by Witherspoon’s pixie. Hardy, more rugged and dangerous than his Adonis partner, Hardy’s Tuck is the more interesting of the two. (I can’t wait to see him as Bane, the badass villain in this summer’s “The Dark Knight Rises.”) In the end, however, both studs and their pretty costar are stymied by the nonsensical script and dull direction.

That direction is the responsibility of McG (“Terminator Salvation” and both “Charlie’s Angels”) who shows off a couple of times with technically proficient steadicam sequences that record the action with minimal editing.

However, like the film’s ill-advised overt references to earlier and better movies, including some by Hitchcock, such an effort is merely a self-referential waste. Everything about “This Means War” is bland, including the strictly rote action sequences.

Save your money for the DVD rental and microwave popcorn.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

The Phantom Menace

Nicolas Cage returns as the lead role in a film so silly, it’s downright scary Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance *@@@

Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

H

ere’s the setup: A beautiful young Gypsy woman who was willingly impregnated by the devil (with predictable results) tells Ghost Rider/ Johnny Blaze (Nicolas Cage) about her 13-yearold devil’s seed — “I made a lot of mistakes. But Danny is the one good thing I ever did.”

What do you say to a whopper like that?

The self-stylized Spirit of Vengeance replies in his best laconic Nic Cage style drawl: “That being the case, we better make sure he doesn’t turn out to be the Antichrist.”

Usually I’d embrace a movie with such an outrageous bit of dialogue, but this sequel to the original “Ghost Rider” (2007) is so incomparably stupid, even a forgiving soul can’t look past the idiocy of the plot and production to find a nugget of redemption. Oh, I suppose the special effects pass muster, but as this movie demonstrates to its own doom, FX alone don’t make a good or even decent movie.

Let’s start with the story by former TV writers Scott M. Gimple and Brian Taylor, with their first big-screen script. David S. Goyer (of “The Dark Knight” films, “Dark City” and other impressive features) is also credited as a writer here, but I suspect he may have made an initial pitch, pocketed the check and made for the bank.

The devil’s preteen son Danny (Fergus Riordan) is protected from his disreputable dad by armed monks in a mountain retreat. Moreau (Idris Elba), a cycle-riding renegade priest, tries to help, but Danny’s mother Nadya (Violante Placido) is suspicious of his motives, as are the pistol-packin’ monks. Soon, the devil’s henchmen, led by mercenary Carrigan (Johnny Whitworth), make mincemeat of the monks, forcing Moreau, Nadya and Danny to flee.

Ghost Rider revs up to help the pursued, and the chase is on. The flaming vigilante alternates between clobbering bad guys and getting hammered himself. Trying to get rid of his own peculiar curse (courtesy of a contract with the devil), Ghost Rider is

determined to help Nadya in her curious maternal dilemma. Meanwhile, the devil himself, called Roarke here (Ciarán Hinds), is equally determined to transfer his power and energy to his reluctant progeny.

Before Ghost Rider sends the devil back where he belongs, we’re treated to yet another mysterious, tattooed order of monks under the leadership of Methodius (Christopher Lambert, “Greystoke,” “Highlander”). We also witness a blasphemous communion scene presided over by the vigilante priest Moreau, as well as a reverse exorcism. The whole thing ends with the typical orgy of special effects and explosions before Ghost Rider discovers an Angel Within. When the smoke clears from this fiery fracas, good prevails (of course), Nadya gets Danny for herself (despite his father’s genes) and we even witness a restraining order of sorts placed against the Evil One. The audience then gets to go home, wondering what the hell just happened.

The original “Ghost Rider” wasn’t half-bad in bringing one of Marvel’s odder superheroes to the big screen. It had a script that made sense in a comic-book sort of way, and writer/director Mark Steven Johnson had already made a substantial entry in the superhero genre with “Daredevil” and “Elektra.” All three of Johnson’s films showed a respect for the original sources as well as the intelligence of the viewers. Each film also retained an internal logic faithful to the original concept.

Directed by Taylor and Mark Neveldine, the guys behind the Jason Statham “Crank” flicks, “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance” simply puts the pedal to the metal on the highway to movie hell, sacrificing any semblance of character and sense to the special effects department. Nicolas Cage, merely going through the paces in his fifth film of the year, seems caught in a time loop at this point in his career. “Ghost Rider” is a lot like “Season of the Witch” and an awful lot like “Drive Angry.” The only good things in this film are some impressive set locations in Eastern Europe and a wickedly funny turn by Johnny Whitworth as a decay-inducing villain.

The rest, despite all the fireworks, is not up to snuff or even Scratch himself.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

Who you callin’ a hothead? Nicolas Cage stars as the fiery noggin’ sportin’ hero of the lukewarm action flick “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance.”

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 15

FILM RATINGS **** SEED ***@ SEED **@@ SEED *@@@ SEED

ART BREAD MONEY BANK

NOW SHOWING

ACT OF VALOR **G@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This action film tells the story of Bandito Platoon, an elite team of Navy SEALs sent on a global manhunt to topple a deadly terrorist plot and save a CIA operative who’s been kidnapped.

Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano and actual Navy SEALs star in this patriotic thriller.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIP-WRECKED **@@ Rated G • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency The vacation plans of Dave Seville (Jason Lee) and those nutty little Chipmunks (voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney) are sunk when they (and the Chipettes!) are marooned on a deserted island.

THE ARTIST ***@ Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Pot Belly’s, Sun-Ray Cinema @ Five Points An Oscar favorite, “The Artist” is director Michel Hazanavicius’ expertly rendered tale of 1927 silent film star George Valentin’s (Jean Dujardin) personal and professional life, played out at the advent of “talkies.” Fate, metaphor and romance are explored with supporting efforts from Bérénice Bejo, Penelope Ann Miller, John Goodman and Missi Pyle. Shot entirely in black-and-white with no dialogue, “The Artist” reminds us why we still fall in love with stories told on the silver screen.

BIG MIRACLE **@@ Rated PG • Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This family-geared rom-com (based on a true story) stars John Krasinski, Ted Danson and Drew Barrymore star in about a newsman and environmentalist who try to form an unlikely coalition of Inuit natives, oil companies and Russian and American military to help save a group of endangered whales.

CHRONICLE ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This unique sci-fi film from writer-director Josh Trank and cowriter Max Landis follows the misadventures of a trio of teens (Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan) documentarystyle, with “found” footage allegedly retrieved from their video cameras. After they develop telekinetic powers, the laughs die down and the body count rises when the troubled Andrew (DeHaan) decides to use his powers for darker purposes.

THE DESCENDANTS **** Rated R • Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The latest from writer-director Alexander Payne (“About Schmidt,” “Sideways”) features Oscar-worthy performances from George Clooney and Shailene Woodley in the story of a reluctant patriarch and his quirky family who are troubled in paradise and find real family values in Hawaii.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE *@@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

GONE **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

A year after escaping certain death at the hands of a crazed serial killer, Jill Parrish (Amanda Seyfried) comes home one night and discovers her younger sister has been abducted and the police have no evidence to go on. Can Jill catch a murderous psycho before dawn? Daniel Sunjata, Jennifer Carpenter and Wes Bentley (the weird kid with the video camera in “American Beauty”) co-star in this psychological thriller.

16 | FOLIO WEEKLY | FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012

GOOD DEEDS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This latest from Oprah-sanctioned auteur Tyler Perry is about wealthy businessman Wesley Deeds (Perry) whose priorities

Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston tout the health benefits of the latest Hollywood culinary craze, “Orange Peels on Organic Stick Sushi,” in the comedy “Wanderlust.” begin to change when he becomes involved with struggling single mother, Lindsey (Thandie Newton), who’s just been evicted. Perry’s 11th film co-stars Jamie Kennedy, Brian J. White and Rebecca Romijn.

THE GREY ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Liam Neeson stars in this thriller about a group of refinery workers who try to survive the frigid Alaskan wilderness after their plane crashes in an arctic no-man’s land. Dermot Mulroney and Frank Grillo co-star in writer-director Joe Carnahan’s inventive take on Man vs. Nature.

THE IRON LADY ***@ Rated PG-13 • Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Pot Belly’s, Sun-Ray Cinema @ 5 Points Meryl Streep stars in the critically acclaimed historical drama about Margaret Thatcher and her journey from a grocer’s daughter to prime minister of the United Kingdom for nearly a dozen years which earned her the nickname “The Iron Lady” for her hard-line, conservative policies. Jim Broadbent co-stars.

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Luiz Guzman and Michael “I needed the money, mate” Caine star in this family-geared film about a teenager’s adventure on a remote island in the South Pacific.

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN **** Rated R • AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Pot Belly’s, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Based on an account from Colin Clark (Eddie Redmayne), a young man who worked for Sir Lawrence Olivier, this film stars Michelle Williams as the legendary Marilyn Monroe, on location shooting “The Prince and the Showgirl,” with Olivier (Kenneth Branagh). The blonde bombshell spirits Colin away on a lark, flagrantly misbehaving. Co-stars Julia Ormond, Emma Watson and Toby Jones.

ONE FOR THE MONEY **@@ Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine When brassy Jersey girl Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl) is hired as a recovery agent for a bail-bondsman, she puts her skills to the test to capture bail-jumper Joe Morelli (Jason O’Mara), a former vice cop and murder suspect. He’s also her old high school boyfriend. John Leguizamo co-stars in this rom-com crime flick.

RED TAILS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square The WWII-era drama, starring Terrence Howard, Anna Levine and Cuba Gooding Jr., chronicles the true story of 13 AfricanAmerican cadets training to be fighter pilots, who became known as the heroic Tuskegee Airmen.

SAFE HOUSE ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., San Marco Theater Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in this enjoyable albeit predictable action flick from director Paul Greengrass (the “Bourne” films). Rookie CIA operative Matt Weston (Reynolds) has finally hit the big time after nabbing rogue agent Tobin Frost (Washington). But when killer mercenaries attack the agency’s South African “safe house,” Matt and Tobin are on the run — and the young agent learns justice and loyalty aren’t guaranteed.

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY **@@ Rated G • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This animated family fare features the voices of Bridgit Mendler, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett and David Henrie. Arrietty (Mendler) and her family are tiny beings who live in the recesses of a suburban home — and “borrow” items … like that spool of thread you swear you left on the table. When she befriends the 12-year-old human boy Shawn (Henrie), the pair fear that their new relationship could spell trouble for the smaller inhabitants.

STAR WARS: EPISODE I THE PHANTOM MENACE 3-D **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

George Lucas’ rarely seen little indie sci-fi film gets the deluxe 3D IMAX treatment, which gives filmgoers another chance to hate Jar Jar Binks — this time in 3-D! Liam Neeson and Ewan MacGregor star in this prequel to the “Star Wars” saga.

THIS MEANS WAR **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Hollywood River City In the latest installment of the popular “fang banger” series, badass vampire warrior Selene (Kate Beckinsale) awakens after a decade of captivity. She discovers most of her vampires are destroyed; now she has to fight a genetically engineered Lycan (that’s “werewolf” to us simple, alt-weekly-readin’ folk!).

Stephen Rea, Michael Ealy and Theo James co-star in this biting action flick.

THE VOW **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The rom-com genre hits bottom with this silly sentimental

AREA THEATERS

AMELIA ISLAND Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., 261-9867 ARLINGTON & REGENCY AMC Regency 24, 9451 Regency Square Blvd., 264-3888 BAYMEADOWS & MANDARIN Regal Avenues 20, 9525 Philips Highway, 538-3889 BEACHES Regal Beach Blvd. 18, 14051 Beach Blvd., 992-4398 FIVE POINTS Sun-Ray Cinema@5Points, 1028 Park St., 359-0047 NORTHSIDE Hollywood River City 14, River City Marketplace, 12884 City Center Blvd., 757-9880

ORANGE PARK AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Road, (888) AMC-4FUN Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., 621-0221 SAN MARCO San Marco Theatre, 1996 San Marco Blvd., 396-4845 SOUTHSIDE Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., 998-2122 ST. AUGUSTINE Epic Theatres, 112 Theatre Drive, 797-5757 IMAX Theater, World Golf Village, 940-IMAX Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., 829-3101

tripe about a woman (Rachel McAdams) who suffers amnesia after a head injury. Now her hubby (Channing Tatum) tries his damndest to love her all over again and remind her that true love is never forgotten — unless, of course, it’s delivered through 90 minutes of gushy drivel from director Michael Sucsy. Jessica Lange and Sam Neill climb aboard for this hardly promising cinematic snooze ride.

WANDERLUST **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

When an urban Manhattan couple (Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston) flee the Big Apple and move to Georgia, they wind up staying at a bed-and-breakfast inhabited by counterculture folk. Alan Alda, Justin Theroux and Malin Akerman co-star in director David Wain’s latest comedy.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Daniel Radcliffe makes his adult role debut in this chilling remake of BBC TV’s ’89 movie. When recently widowed attorney Arthur (Radcliffe) goes to a remote British village to settle a dead woman’s account, he encounters the eccentric locals and meets a murderous spirit known as The Woman in Black. Ciaran Hinds, Janet McTeer and Misha Handley co-star in director James Watkins’ certifiably spooky picture.

OTHER FILMS

SUN-RAY CINEMA Everything is Terrible’s farce “Doggie Woogiez! Poochie Woochiez!” — a remake of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s 1973 film “The Holy Mountain” composed only of dog-related found footage — is screened at 9:15 p.m. on March 5 at Sun-Ray Cinema@5 Points, 1028 Park St., Jacksonville. The theater also screens ”The Artist,” “The Iron Lady” and “A Dangerous Method” daily. Call 359-0047 for showtimes. sunraycinema.com LATITUDE 30 CINEGRILLE “Moneyball” is currently running at Latitude 30’s new movie theater CineGrille, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside. Call for showtimes. 365-5555.

POT BELLY’S CINEMA “The Artist,” “The Ides of March,” “The Iron Lady,” “J. Edgar” and “My Week With Marilyn” are shown at Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine. 829-3101.

WGHOF IMAX THEATER “Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol 2D” is screened along with “Forces of Nature,” “Legends of Flight 3D,” “Rescue 3D,” “The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest,” “Born To Be Wild 3D” and “Hubble 3D” at World Golf Hall of Fame Village, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. 940-IMAX. worldgolfimax.com

NEW ON DVD & BLU-RAY

TOWER HEIST Ben Affleck, Matthew Broderick and Alan Alda star in this caper comedy about a group of NYC condo residents who hire a petty thief (Eddie Murphy) to steal $2 billion from their neighbor, a slimy investment broker currently under house arrest. Téa Leoni, Casey Affleck and Gabourey Sidibe (“Precious”) also star.

PUSS IN BOOTS The animated family film from the “Shrek”-meisters, with Antonio Banderas voicing Puss and Zach Galifinakis in for Humpty Dumpty, also features Salma Hayek, Amy Sedaris and Guillermo del Toro, in a paint-by-the-numbers fur-filled fantasy that never rises to the level of humor or inventiveness of the original “Shrek” movies.

JOHNNY ENGLISH REBORN This latest in the love-it-or-leave-it Brit comedy series finds fumbling secret agent Johnny English (Rowan Atkinson) called out of his retirement in a Tibetan Buddhist monastery to help foil an evil plot that threatens the entire planet — or at least is a trifling menace to England.

BONG OF THE DEAD Warm up that Academy Award! There’s a new cinema master in town and his name is Thomas Newman. This horror-comedy from the fledgling writer-director fuses the zombie craze with stoner humor and the results are what you’d expect: brilliant.

Two pot growers living in post-apocalyptic America discover that zombie brains make the perfect fertilizer to grow the kindest ganja. After hooking up with a tough-as-nails farm-girl with a talent for building zombie death weapons, the trio travel the land looking to smoke a few zombies — and a few hundred doobies along the way in a film that none other than Tommy Chong has called “a sure winner!”

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 17

Walter Coker

Ryan Turk’s first recording at Warehouse Studios was what he calls a “heavy metal version” of Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Fall of the House of Usher.” “It was really horrible,” concedes Turk. “But I have been coming here ever since.”

Sound Effects

Ryan Turk struggles to keep the storied – and sometimes fictionalized – Warehouse Studios afloat

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18 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

t first glance, it seems like any other industrial park warehouse. In daylight hours, Unit 21 is as anonymous and nondescript as the other blue-collar businesses along this stretch of Emerson Street. But after dark, it becomes a very different place.

“It’s crazy — if you came here at night, there’s like 20 cars in the parking lot,” says Ryan Turk, owner of Warehouse Studios, which rents the space as well as an adjacent one. “It’s like a haven for artists.”

Turk, 35, has spent the majority of his life — 20-plus years — seeking creative sanctuary in this very spot: a stone’s throw from the well-appointed homes of San Marco, and mere blocks from a dicey street that’s a known dope hole. “The police have never been called in,” says Turk, despite the loud guitar amps and ungodly hours. In truth, although the urban studio is centrally location, many are unaware it even exists.

“I guess I kind of suck at promoting and stuff like that,” says Turk, stretching his tall frame as he pulls on a cigarette in the hazy daylight in front of the building. “I probably should follow the industry more, but you know…” He chuckles, finishing his train of thought with a dismissive wave.

The fact that Warehouse Studios is near both historic homes and a crack house seems fitting, considering the studio space caters to bands that deliver sounds both lofty and lewd.

Turk himself first recorded here at 14, when he was in a band with John Otto, who went on to become the drummer for Limp Bizkit.

“I had a band called Panik — with a ‘k’, ” Turk recalls. “My mom paid for the session.”

Panik’s sole contribution to Northeast Florida’s musical pantheon included a “heavy metal version” of Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Fall of the

House of Usher” for a school project. “It was really horrible,” concedes Turk. “But I have been coming here ever since.”

The studio has served many in the Jacksonville music community, too, and become something of a local legend as a result. There are widely circulated rumors about the place — that Lynyrd Skynyrd recorded “Free Bird” here, that it was the home studio to Molly Hatchet and the Classics IV. Some of the stories are true, some apocryphal (more on that later). But there is one stark reality facing the studio: insolvency.

Between personal financial difficulties, an uncertain economy and a series of health problems in Turk’s family, the decades-old studio could be silenced.

To stave off that possibility, and to keep the “record” light on, some of Turk’s musical friends are banding together to throw a benefit concert. Turk, organizer Paige McMullen, and Skinny Records, one of the local labels that calls Warehouse Studios home, are hosting an event at Thief in the Knight Gallery in downtown Jacksonville, featuring the bands Opiate Eyes, RICE, Robin Rütenberg, Vlad the Inhaler and Wavefunctions, which Turk describes as “weird electronic gospel.”

Turk is hopeful the benefit will get the studio back on sure footing, and not just for financial reasons. In the darkened lobby of the studio, papered with fliers and posters by indie bands like Silver Jews, Sonic Youth and various Skinny Records acts, a large framed poster of the original version of the album cover for Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Street Survivors” is prominently displayed. Turk points to the infamous image of the band engulfed in flames with a sudden and natural reverence. “That’s the real deal right there.”

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om Markham opened the original Warehouse Studio (in the singular) in 1975, primarily as a cassette duplication operation. Bands recorded there, too, but not all the recording legends that have attached themselves to the place. Asked about the Classics IV, Markham explains, “We bought the original eight-track equipment from Wally Eaton [of Classics IV], but they didn’t record there.” As for Lynyrd Skynyrd taping the original “Free Bird” there? “No, my friend Jim Sutton and I recorded them between 1968-’70 when they were still The One Percent.” The recording did include the mythical early version of “Free Bird,” and Markham did remix the demo version that was eventually issued on 2000’s “Collectybles” anthology. But the legend that it all happened at Warehouse Studios overstates the case. Perhaps not surprisingly, the rumor continues to gain traction. While giving Folio Weekly a tour of the studio, Turk observes, “Skynyrd did their first versions here.”

In truth, of the countless acts that recorded at the studio, Markham says the most wellknown are trumpeter-turned-gospel artist Phil Driscoll and Molly Hatchet. The latter’s eponymous album scored the studio their first gold record. “We helped a lot of careers, and our heart was really into doing that,” Markham says. “I’m glad to hear that Ryan is trying to do the same.”

Markham well remembers Turk’s work for him as studio lackey; he also remembers his early musical efforts. “Even then, he was a musician, a singer — and his vocals were commercially pretty good,” says Markham. “He could have been a lead singer for some, I don’t know, teenybopper Walt Disney-type group.

He had a really good sound.”

When Turk wasn’t fusing Poe with a thrash metal soundtrack, he spent his teen

Walter Coker

years attending Douglas Anderson School of the Arts and playing in various garage rock bands. After graduating, Turk was intent on pursuing a career in music. He left home in 1995 and attended Art Institute of Atlanta to study audio engineering.

He didn’t complete the degree, instead returning to Jacksonville, where he began working for Tom Markham.

Ryan Turk (left) and Chris Estes have both worked at Warehouse Studios since the “I didn’t really learn mid-’90s, when it was primarily a cassette duplication operation. anything at school,” says Turk. “My real education started when I came back here.” neighbors in the ICU. Angela’s mom has since In his 20s, Turk started the local indie recuperated. Ryan’s father, the Rev. Dr. Richard rock band Lovecraft, and fell in love with his Turk, wasn’t so lucky; he died on Christmas Day. eventual wife, Angela. The couple originally “He taught me to play guitar and always met in high school and, while they didn’t date, supported my music,” says Turk of his late Angela says, they did once sneak a kiss. (“I’m father, who was also a much-loved local an obsessive with journaling,” Angela laughs, Episcopalian priest. Recalling his first gig “and on Wednesday, Feb. 29, it will technically — May 15, 1994 — at Jacksonville Beach’s be the 20th anniversary of our first kiss.”) punk rock Mecca, Einstein-A-Go-Go, Turk remembers his dad documenting the day with Angela is no stranger to the music business his video camera. “I miss him so much.” and has her own bona fide indie roots. Her dad’s family once owned and operated Abe Livert Records from 1936 through the mid-’80s, y the time Ryan and Angela Turk bought which was once the largest independent record Warehouse Studios in April 2009, more store chain in the area. Ryan even worked for than 10 years had passed since Markham Angela’s dad at the family pawnshop in St. had owned it. The facility had changed hands Augustine, where the blossoming engineer several times and had seen better days. The bought more recording equipment. original tape machines had been sold off years earlier and Ryan began slowly upgrading In 2009, the newlyweds heard that the studio with digital recording gear. The Warehouse Studios was for sale. And though pair merged with the Skinny Records label, the pair had no money to speak of, they helmed by Tom Essex, and began releasing decided to make an offer. albums by local groups like Opiate Eyes, They got the warehouse, but the costs were Wild Life Society, RICE and their latest act, high. Ryan admits to spending “too much

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There are many rumors about the place – that Lynyrd Skynyrd recorded “Free Bird” here, that it was the home studio to both Molly Hatchet and the Classics IV. Some of the stories are true, some apocryphal. time” at the studio, and Angela Turk worked four jobs to keep the family — eventually including two children — afloat. “All of my jobs revolve around mental health and substance-abuse counseling,” Angela explains (an irony not lost on her, considering the many musicians who are friends of the family).

Buying the studio has been a test both emotionally and financially. “Trying to run a studio and have kids in daycare on a teacher’s salary — it was tight,” says Angela. The family also faced some personal hardships. Two years ago, both Angela’s mother and Ryan’s father were told within weeks of each other that they needed to have the same aortic valve replacement surgery. “That was a crazy and truly hard time,” says Angela. Last October, both underwent the same open-heart surgery, performed by the same surgeon at Baptist Medical Center downtown. The pair were even

Wavefunctions. The latter two bands include Turk as a member, and there is an overlap between the studio and the label that creates what is essentially a community of players.

“It is more like a cooperative,” says Opiate Eyes’ singer-guitarist Drew Bond. “Just a group of artists making music together under the same roof.”

Skinny Records is part of a small but growing group of newer independent labels, including Synconation, Primal Vomit and Infintesmal. Of that group, the Springfieldbased Infintesmal is the most prolific, having released nearly 30 albums in the past few years.

And while the two labels cater to diametrically opposed tastes — Skinny Records leaning more toward a Pavement or Radiohead sound, Infintesmal’s opting for a druggier, trashy Pussy Galore bent — the competition, to the extent it exists, is healthy.

FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 19

“There has been a lot made of a supposed beef between the two labels,” says Jimmi Bayer of Infintesmal. “I don’t really feel much rivalry between the two, since we don’t even occupy the same headspace.”

Turk is equally diplomatic. “I think they have some really good bands, and am happy they are doing their thing.”

Turk notes that the scene continues to grow. He recalls being cornered by longtime local rocker-label honcho Cash Carter at a local watering hole. “Cash wanted to know if I would be offended by him starting yet another indie label,” laughs Turk. Creative differences aside, the rival camps are collectively intent on cultivating the local music scene. “In a perfect world,” offers Bayer, “there would be a record label on every corner of Jacksonville.”

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© 2012

FolioWeekly

ack in the day, an entire sideroom of Warehouse Studios was devoted to cassette duplication — to the whirring tape machines that Ryan and his fellow studio lackey Chris Estes were tasked with frantically manning.

Today, Turk and Estes, the studio’s coengineer, have transformed the space into a sort of therapeutic getaway in the form of a skateboarding half-pipe ramp. “Don’t you know that after the Beasties Boys, every studio is required to have a skate ramp?” jokes Turk.

Estes makes a solid attempt on his board but Turk bails after a few unsteady tries. “Dude, I had a little too much wine last night.”

On any given night, one or all four of the bands that rent practice spaces from Ryan Turk are rehearsing. He charges each band $200 a month, with that price including two hours of recording time. “Once you get a few bands playing at once, it’s thunderous,” says Opiate Eyes’ Drew Bond.

The demand for studio space isn’t what it used to be, however. The availability of cheap recording software and user-friendly technology can turn most laptops into recording studios. It’s a reality that makes a place like Warehouse Studios seem almost anachronistic. “Everybody I know owns [recording software] Garage Band or Logic with a $300 condenser mic, and can suddenly make great recordings at home.” But Turk is also selling two decades of engineering knowledge, along with an overall sensibility.

“You record in your living room and

your record sounds like you recorded in your living room.”

Turk notes that people love the Warehouse Studios’ drum sound so much that many bands track their drums at his space and then record the rest of their project at their home studios.

Turk recently tracked the demo recordings by New York band The Silent League, featuring members of psych-rockers Mercury Rev. “That was a cool session.”

If times are tight at the studio, though, it may have as much to do with Turk’s somewhat indifferent business skills. At press time, the Warehouse Studios website was defunct and any contact with Turk limited to the studio’s Facebook profile or his cell phone. And he’s not inclined to record just anyone. “The first year I was here, I was doing a lot of gospel — which was fine — but also taping just horrible gangsta rap,” he says. “I mean just really bad, bad stuff.”

While the money was tempting, Turk had trouble balancing his own creative code with the karma of commerce. “I got this horrible feeling like, ‘OK, now I’m the guy that’s going to be held responsible for all of this shit coming out.’ ” Depressed that he was selling out his very love of music, Turk simply stopped recording acts for whom he couldn’t find some measure of affinity. “I’d rather just be poor and record bands I like.”

This decision, if honorable, has not always been profitable. Over the years, Turk has tempered his hard line, and has recently been working with some acts, including a “big-sounding metal band” called Guilty Conscience, that falls out of his own field of personal taste. “I’m still recording things I might not like,” he says, but the band members are nice guys. “[And] at least it’s based on rock and roll.”

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

The benefit show for Warehouse Studios with Opiate Eyes, RICE, Robin Rütenberg, Wavefunctions and Vlad the Inhaler is held on Saturday, March 3 from 3-10:30 p.m. at Thief in the Knight Gallery, 115 W. Adams St., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. Warehouse Studios is located at 2071 Emerson St., Ste. 21, Jacksonville. 210-3408. facebook.com/ warehousestudiosjax Walter Coker

Engineer Chris Estes works the studio's half pipe.

Jokes Turk, “Don’t you know that after the Beasties Boys, every studio is required to have a skate ramp?”

20 | FOLIO WEEKLY | FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012

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Scarf Face: The members of Athens rock weirdo band of Montreal wear the latest in stylish headwear.

No Direction Home

Kevin Barnes of Athens indie freaks of Montreal goes off the map for the band’s latest OF MONTREAL with ROMAN GIANARTHUR and KISHI BASHI Wednesday, March 7 at 8 p.m.

Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach Tickets are $15 246-2473

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ver the past 15 years, no band has channeled glam rock, twee pop, dance funk and electro psych as successfully as Athens, Georgia’s of Montreal. Add in the group’s hyper-literate lyricism, fantastical artwork and notoriously flamboyant stage productions, and you’ve got a singular modern group with no antecedent and very few contemporaries. Primarily the songwriting, recording and performing vehicle of Kevin Barnes, the distinctive moniker was inspired by a failed relationship that the frontman had with a woman “of Montreal.”

The band’s 11th studio album, “Paralytic Stalks,” does represent a surprising departure, however, by placing experimental dissonance alongside their trademark sound of danceable Bowie-esque pop. Folio Weekly chatted with Barnes about overcoming personal madness through art, Dadaist board games and the band’s ambitious upcoming tour.

Folio Weekly: Where did the motivation for this challenging new album come from, Kevin?

Kevin Barnes: I started listening to more avant-garde classical music in the last year, getting interested in things like micro-tonality and composition-style arrangements that aren’t really typical in pop music. “Exorcismic Breeding Knife” is a good example of that, where I was trying to create something that’s definitely in no way conventional pop.

F.W.: You worked with session musicians for the first time in a decade. Did that add to the heady, experimental brew?

K.B.: Kishi Bashi added a lot. He has more of a classical, musical-education background, so it was cool to explain to him what I wanted to hear. He’s such a talented violinist and arranger that he was able to create a lot of things that I couldn’t on my own.

F.W.: Yet for all that dense instrumentation, the album’s songwriting seems more personal and self-reflective. Did you have things you needed to get off your chest?

K.B.: Definitely. I went through a really dark period of self-doubt, depression and psychosis in my life, and I was just trying to redirect that negative energy into something more positive through my art. Trying to navigate through that madness and not be destroyed by it.

F.W.: In past interviews, you’ve emphasized your distaste for playing older material.

K.B.: It’s just a bit awkward, because I get so deeply immersed in the new project; when I do a song off of an earlier record, it’s almost like I’m covering it. I still feel there’s a thread that connects all the records together, but I’m not there anymore. I’m in some other place.

F.W.: So should we expect all new material on of Montreal’s upcoming tour?

K.B.: No, we’re going to mix it up. Going to concerts myself, I know the audience doesn’t want to hear just the new record. Audience members who’ve only seen us a few times before aren’t going to get sick of hearing us play a song that they love. But it’s tricky, because I can personally get sick of my own songs.

F.W.: You’ve released some fairly innovative ephemera with past albums, but the offerings with “Paralytic Stalks” were the standard CD, cassette, LP and T-shirt. What gives?

K.B.: Well, the CD is still a really popular format — the sound quality is still far better than mp3s. But I imagined that by now, CDs would be completely irrelevant, and everybody would be releasing art objects as album packaging, like we did with “Skeletal Lamping.”

Maybe it’s too cost-prohibitive, or we haven’t figured out a marketplace for it yet. We are working on a Dadaist comedy board game, though, that should be ready by the time we go on tour.

F.W.: The tour actually starts in Jacksonville on March 7. Is it just because we’re geographically convenient to your Georgia home?

K.B.: I went to high school in South Florida, and I remember feeling isolated because there weren’t a lot of indie bands coming through. So I’ve always made a point of playing in Florida as much as possible.

© 2012

F.W.: As a writer, I really appreciate of Montreal’s song and album titles, which could easily be collected into a poetry book of their own.

K.B.: I’m definitely a fan of the written word, and I’ve always had a thing for titles. It’s just another chance to do something creative; obviously, it’s not commercially palatable to name a song “Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse,” but it’s more fun. There’s a lot of laziness in music, and we don’t even question it. So I won’t give a song a really obvious title, because I want to think of something more creative. Just for the hell of it, and just because I should.

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly.com FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 21

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Revolution, raunch and rock: Japanther deals in creative mayhem.

JAPANTHER with FILTHY SAVAGE, KEN SOUTH ROCK and TEENAGE LOBOTOMY Sunday, March 4 at 5 p.m.

Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine Beach Admission is $5; free with canned good donation 547-2188 The bands also play at 10 p.m. at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville Advance tickets are $5; $7 at the door 353-4686

L

o-fi noise-punk band as art project — now that’s an oxymoron. Yet amped-up Brooklyn duo Japanther has the bona fides to make such a bold claim, especially if your idea of art skews toward the edgy and underground.

College buddies Ian Vanek and Matt Reilly (yes, they met at art school) have organized illegal shows on the Williamsburg Bridge, gigged alongside a synchronized swimming outfit named Aquadoom and even incited a riot at the Lincoln Center. But they’ve been featured in the esteemed Whitney and Venice Biennials and created an Experimental Media and Performing Arts Center exhibit that critiqued the prison-industrial complex via a reinterpretation of Walt Whitman. The band also perfectly personified their relentless work ethic and maniacal live shows by playing a marathon 84-hour concert in Austria. Folio Weekly chatted with Japanther drummer/singer Ian Vanek about populist communication, recycled pay phones and how The Ramones were the ultimate punk-rock art project.

22 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

Folio Weekly: How does a punk band end up being described as an art project?

Ian Vanek: It doesn’t make much sense what we’re trying to do. But I’ve been playing

music since I was nine years old, and early on, I realized that people in bands are f*ckin’ douchebags. So when Matt and I started Japanther, it was more important to have our performance at the forefront. Let the people that want to be in bands be in bands, and let us define a new idea of an art collective: printmaking, silk-screening, doing video and film, planting flowers, painting pictures or playing a lot of concerts. It’s a way to keep us fascinated with the situation.

F.W.: Critics label your music with all kinds of fancy descriptors, but at its heart, it seems pretty damn primal and straightforward.

I.V.: Populist communication is the key to art, whether it’s a Cubist painting or The Ramones, who were the ultimate art project. They claimed to be Spanish brothers from Queens, but they were really a neurotic Jewish singer, a pissed-off Fascist guitarist, and Dee Dee saying, “I just wanna play!” They wore leather jackets and became a cartoon, living together in an apartment, eating refried beans. That’s a beautiful art project that a lot of people still haven’t wrapped their heads around.

F.W.: The old yellow pay phones Japanther uses give off a distinctly urban, industrial vibe.

Where did that idea come from?

I.V.: That urban vibe is hard to escape; we practice under the train in Brooklyn, so we’re influenced by the mechanisms of this area.

Graffiti, hip hop … We try to represent our borough the best we can. As far as the mics, when we started performing, we’d get really violent, kicking over drums and smashing shit, which led us to break a lot of equipment.

So here was this readily available tool that we

could steal anywhere in the world — “I just need a hardware store and a phone booth and I can get a microphone together by 10 p.m. tonight.” It actually compresses our voices, too, so it was an icon that instantly branded both our sound and image in one stroke.

F.W.: Not many bands successfully accomplish that. What other long-term goals do you have?

I.V.: We’d really like to make a television show, and we also hope to be represented by a gallery in Manhattan. That idea’s starting to come to fruition, so we have to start dreaming even bigger; maybe doing something beneficial, like starting a school. The sky’s the limit, and that’s the beauty of it — you’re only limited by how big you can dream. One giant goal of mine is toppling the church, because that influence is really misguided. We do our best to combat right-wing ideas of hating on gays or abortion. I think music and rhythm can do that.

F.W.: You could stand to make a lot of headway doing that here in the Sunshine State.

Why the extensive Florida tour in March?

I.V.: We’re bringing Filthy Savage, a Japanese band, and Ken South Rock, a South Bronx band by way of Mexico City, so we’re trying to show those guys how diverse the punk rock community can be, especially in Florida. We can’t wait to get to St. Augustine to hang out at the beach with people like Jacob Hamilton.

We kept getting emails from there, “You gotta come here — whatever it takes!” And we were like, “That’s the only thing you have to say to get us excited to come and perform.”

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly.com

FreebirdLive.com 200 N. 1st St., Jax Beach, FL • 904.246.BIRD (2473) FRIDAY MARCH 2

CONCERTS THIS WEEK

RED PAPER BIRDS, STAYNE THEE ANGEL, BLEEDING IN STEREO, THE MAGISTRATE These local acts compete to play this year’s Welcome to Rockville festival at 8 p.m. on Feb. 28 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 398-7496.

DARK STAR ORCHESTRA The Grateful Dead tribute act is on at 7 p.m. on Feb. 29 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach.

Advance tickets are $25; $30 at the door. 209-0399.

GRETCHEN WILSON Country favorite Wilson performs at 7 p.m. on Feb. 29 at Whisky River, 4850 Big Island Drive, St. Johns Town Center. Tickets are $20 and $25. 645-5571.

CHRISTOPHER PAUL STELLING, ROBIN RĂœTENBERG These indie folkies play at 8 p.m. on Feb. 29 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

WILD CHILD, RIVERNECKS, JACKIE STRANGER, E.L. WOOD & THE BOTANISTAS The indie acts appear at 9 p.m. on Feb. 29 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 353-4686.

THE IVEY BROTHERS The sonic siblings (Yankee Slickers) are on at 8 p.m. on March 1 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

NORA JANE STRUTHERS Singer-songwriter Struthers is on at 8 p.m. on March 1 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

WHETHERMAN The singer-songwriter plays at 9 p.m. on March 1 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

BOYCE AVENUE, SECONDHAND SERENADE, FIFTH SOUTH Acoustic rockers Boyce Avenue perform an early show at 5:30 p.m. Tickets are $18; Fifth South performs at 9 p.m. on March 2, both at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. 246-2473.

DAYS OF THE NEW, A SOUND BELOW, OSCAR MIKE, FRIENDS OF BLAKE, GARRETT ON ACOUSTIC Acoustic grunge rockers Days of the New play at 7 p.m. on March 2 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

AWOLNATION, SON OF A BAD MAN Rockers Awolnation are on at 8 p.m. on March 2 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra. 209-0399.

MONICA, JOY DENNIS Grammy-winning singer-actress Monica performs at 8 p.m. on March 2 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $48.50-$68.50. 355-2787.

MAYLENE & THE SONS OF DISASTER, LIONIZE The hard rock kicks off at 8 p.m. on March 2 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $12. 398-7496.

CHRIS McCARTY The singer-songwriter is on at 8:30 p.m. on March 2 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., Jacksonville. 365-5555.

5 X 7 These local rockers play a few numbers at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

RICKY MAC, DILLINGER The musicians perform at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Tucker’s Hwy. 17 Tavern, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee. 225-9211.

SPANKY THE BAND These local rockers smack the stage at 9 p.m. on March 2 and 3 at Cliff’s Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Road, Jacksonville. 645-5162.

GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE The Beaches bluegrass trio plays at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

GCM plays at 5 p.m. on March 4 at European Street CafĂŠ, 992 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. 399-1740.

EXTREMELY ROTTEN, DIABOLIC INTENT, NEVER BAPTIZED, THE HACKISH, GUTF*CKED The death metal kicks off at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 353-4686.

VIVA LA VOX, GHOSTWITCH, MUDTOWN, LITTLE JERKS The punk bands play at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. 799-7123.

SWORDZ, KEYLOW, JERICHO Local hip-hop starts at 9 p.m. on March 2 at Endo Exo, 1224 Kings Ave., Jacksonville. 396-7733.

BREAD AND BUTTER The all-covers alter ego of local jam faves Chroma performs on March 2 at 9:30 p.m. at Seven Bridges Grille & Brewery, 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., Jacksonville.

997-1999. The trio also plays at 8 p.m. on March 3 at Sun Dog Diner, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221.

TOOTS LORRAINE & THE TRAFFIC FAREWELL CONCERT The popular jump blues band plays a final concert, before moving to SoCal, at 10 p.m. on March 2 at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. Tickets are $15. 247-6636.

77D’s Local heavyweights play at 10 p.m. on March 2 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 381-6670.

KATHERINE ARCHER The folk artist performs at 2 p.m. on March 3 at Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach. 209-3730.

Warehouse Studios Benefit Show: OPIATE EYES, RICE, ROBIN RUTENBERG, WAVEFUNCTIONS, VLAD THE INHALER This indie rock fest is held from 3-10:30 p.m. on March 3 at Thief in the Knight Gallery, 115 W. Adams St., Jacksonville. Admission is $5.

Music for Meows: Benefit Concert for Community Cats: LAUREN FINCHAM & MIKE PEARSON, MICHAEL EDWARD LANIER, SHAWN LIGHTFOOT & THE BRIGADE, FFN, X GEEZER, THE PINZ, ALL NIGHT WOLVES, TOE IN THE TRIGGER, ALMOST ALWAYS NEVER These local bands perform at 6 p.m. on March 3 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8; $10 for ages 18-21.

Donations of cat food are accepted. Proceeds benefit SCS programs for abandoned and feral cats. 398-7496.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Stanton Prep Marching Band appears at 10:30 a.m., Craig Oden performs at 11:15 a.m., Shawn Lightfoot & the Brigade play at 12:30 p.m. and Theatre on a Mission performs at 2:30 p.m. on March 3 under the Fuller Warren Bridge at Riverside Avenue, downtown. 5546865. riversideartsmarket.com SALIVA, SIVA ADDICTION, GUILTY CONSCIENCE, ALLELE, TWO MINUTE WISH, ROCK AND ROLL CHROME Alt-rockers Saliva are on at 7 p.m. on March 3 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $12 and $15.

223-9850.

HANK WILLIAMS JR. Country legend Bocephus performs at 8 p.m. on March 3 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine. Tickets range from $29.50-$100. 209-0367.

NIKKI TALLEY The singer-songwriter plays at 8 p.m. on March 3 at European Street CafĂŠ, 5500 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

HEAVY PETTY (Tom Petty tribute) The tribute band appears at 8 p.m. on March 3 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. 246-2473.

THE PINK FLOYD EXPERIENCE The tribute group performs at 8 p.m. on March 3 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $31 and $36. 355-2787.

THE OWSLEY BROTHERS This trippy bunch appears at 9 p.m. on March 3 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

BARRETT JOCKERS BAND The local group plays at 9 p.m. on March 3 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

The Best Live Music in St. Augustine!

“Join us for Blues, Rock & Funk�

March 1 Billy Buchanan

March 2 & 3 Reggae Swat Team

,JOH 4USFFU t 4U "VHVTUJOF t

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

early show:

Doors at 5:00

BOYCE AVENUE

Secondhand Serenade|After Party late show:

Doors at 9pm

BONNIE BLUE Wes Cobb/S.P.O.R.E. SATURDAY MARCH 3

HEAVY PETTY (Tom Petty Tribute) TUESDAY MARCH 6

LOTUS/THE MALAH WEDNESDAY MARCH 7

OF MONTREAL Roman Gianarthur / KISHI BASHI THURSDAY MARCH 8

Grammy Award Winners REBIRTH BRASS BAND

Kung Fu (RAQ/Deep Banana Blackout/the Breakfast) FRIDAY MARCH 9

TOOTS & THE FREEBIRD MAYTALS SATURDAY MARCH 10

BADFISH Mon-

Men’s Night Out Beer Pong 7pm $1 Draft $5 Pitchers Free Pool ALL U CAN EAT CRABLEGS

Tues-

Texas Hold ’Em STARTS AT 7 P.M.

Wed-

Bar Bingo/Karaoke ALL U CAN EAT WINGS KIDS EAT FREE FROM 5 P.M. TO 9 P.M. HAPPY HOUR ALL NIGHT

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Thurs- DJ BG w/Cornhole Tournament Fri-

1904

Sat-

SUBLIME TRIBUTE

TASTE BUDS THURSDAY MARCH 15

Frankenstein Brothers feat.

BUCKETHEAD/THAT 1 GUY/Wolff SATURDAY MARCH 24

KATCHAFIRE Common Kings/N’Nova MONDAY MARCH 26

HOT CHELLE RAE

2 FOR 1 DOMESTIC DRAFTS, WELLS AND HOUSE WINE

Action Item/Electric Touch

C4X- 9:30pm 1/2 PRICE APPS-FRI (BAR ONLY) 4-7PM DECK MUSIC 5-9 P.M.

TORNADO RIDER

C4X - 9:30pm DECK MUSIC 5-9P.M.

Sat/Sun- 7am Breakfast

THURSDAY MARCH 29

Catfish Alliance FRIDAY MARCH 30

FRONTIERS (Journey Tribute) UPCOMING SHOWS 3-16: Young the Giant/Grouplove 3-31: Breathe Carolina/the Ready Set 4-5: Cannibal Corpse/Exhumed 4-14: Tim Reynolds TR3/Sons of Bill 4-18: GWAR/Ghoul/Kylessa 4-20: The Maine 4-21: Rockville Rumble finals 4-25: Steel Pulse/Innercoastal 5-9: Whitechapel/Miss May I

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 23

DAYMOTHS, WHETHERMAN Experimental pop duo Daymoths perform at 9 p.m. on March 3 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. 799-7123.

CHRISTOPHER BELL Indie folkie Bell plays at 9 p.m. on March 3 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 353-4686.

LOS VIGILANTES, GOODNIGHTS Garage rockers Los Vigilantes perform at 9 p.m. on March 3 at Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 547-2188.

RED AFTERNOON The local Americana band appears at 10 p.m. on March 3 at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. Admission is $5. 247-6636.

GOLIATH FLORES Multi-instrumentalist Flores plays at 1 p.m. on March 4 at Three Layers Café, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. 355-9791. **JAPANTHER, FILTHY SAVAGE, KEN SOUTH ROCK, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY Brooklyn rock freaks Japanther perform at 5 p.m. on March 4 at Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. Admission is $5; free with canned good donation. 547-2188. The bands perform at 10 p.m. Sunday at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. Advance tickets are $5; $7 at the door. 353-4686.

FASTER PUSSYCAT, RUNNING RAMPANT, FIX L.A. metalheads Faster Pussycat are on at 8 p.m. on March 4 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850. **KEN SOUTH ROCK These indie rockers play at 8 p.m. on March 5 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 3534686.

FALSE STEP The alt-rockers set foot onstage at 8 p.m. on March 4 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

STRAIGHT LINE STITCH, SACRIFICE TO SURVIVE, NEWBORN RANSOM, WAKE THE LIVING, MANNA ZEN The hard rock kicks off at 6 p.m. on March 5 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

MEGA RAN, ADAM WARROCK, WILLIE EVANS JR., ANDY D., SINGLE WHITE HERPE, CUBBY INC. These local acts perform rock and hip hop at 8 p.m. on March 6 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8.

398-7496.

LOTUS, THE MALAH Jam band favorites Lotus play at 8 p.m. on March 6 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach.

Tickets are $18. 246-2473.

PAUL GEREMIA Blues artist Geremia appears at 8 p.m. on March 6 at European Street Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

THE FISTICUFFS Irish folk punks are on at 9 p.m. on March 6 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $5. 799-7123.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

OF MONTREAL, KISHI BASHI March 7, Freebird Live OPIATE EYES, U.S. ROYALTY March 7, Burro Bar REBIRTH BRASS BAND, KUNG FU March 8, Freebird Live JK WAYNE March 8, Fionn MacCool’s, Jacksonville Landing SPADE McQUADE March 8 & 15, Dog Star Tavern MOOR HOUND, AUSTIN MILLER, XMAS, AC DEATHSTRIKE, CRITTERS March 8, Burro Bar JAKE OWEN March 9, Mavericks THE CASUALTIES, TOXIC HOLOCAUST March 9, Phoenix Taproom TOOTS & THE MAYTALS March 9, Freebird Live SHAWN LIGHTFOOT & THE BRIGADE March 9, Mojo No. 4 ZERO N March 9 & 10, Cliff’s Bar & Grill KARL W. DAVIS March 9 & 17, Dog Star Tavern DAVID ALLAN COE March 10, Brewster’s Pit FIT FOR RIVALS, APPALACHIAN DEATH TRAP, BLEEDING IN STEREO, PAWN TAKES KING, A BRILLIANT LIE March 10, Jack Rabbits SECRET MUSIC, NATIONS, MINI PROPHETS March 10, Phoenix Taproom BAD ASSETS March 10, Fionn MacCool’s, Jacksonville Landing BLACK CAT BONES March 10, Mojo No. 4 BADFISH (SUBLIME TRIBUTE) March 10, Freebird Live DONNA HOPKINS March 10, Dog Star Tavern BIG HEAD TODD & THE MONSTERS March 11, The Florida Theatre THE LIVVERS March 11, Phoenix Taproom CHIVALRY, PLAYING FOR KEEPS, ABDOMEN CANVAS March 14, Phoenix Taproom FRANKENSTEIN BROTHERS with BUCKETHEAD, THAT ONE GUY March 15, Freebird Live DUBLIN TRAIN WRECK March 15, Fionn MacCool’s,

cafe 11

24 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

Jacksonville Landing YOUNG THE GIANT, GROUPLOVE March 16, Freebird Live ST. AUGUSTINE SEAFOOD FESTIVAL: LONESOME BERT & THE SKINNY LIZARD, ERNIE EVANS & THE FLORIDA STATE BLUEGRASS BAND, VALERIE SMITH & LIBERTY PIKE, STONE FAMILY, UP THE CREEK, SALTWATER COWGIRLS, CHERYL WATSON March 16, 17 & 18 EXPERIENCE HENDRIX TOUR: BILLY COX, BUDDY GUY, DWEEZIL ZAPPA, ROBBY KRIEGER, ROBERT RANDOLPH, ERIC JOHNSON, KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD March 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BREAD & BUTTER March 16, Mojo No. 4 3 THE BAND March 16, Dog Star Tavern JAY GARRETT March 16, Cliff’s Bar & Grill THE MOODY BLUES March 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CANARY IN THE COALMINE March 17, Mojo No. 4 THE BUSINESS, DOWNTOWN STRUTS, NINE TENTHS March 17, Phoenix Taproom JENNIFER CHASE CD Release Party March 17, Players by the Sea RUCKUS March 17, Cliff’s Bar & Grill SPADE McQUADE, ROAD LESS TRAVELED, DUBLIN TRAIN WRECK, SAVANNAH JACKS March 17, Fionn MacCool’s, Jacksonville Landing TONY BENNETT March 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WILSON PHILLIPS March 21, The Florida Theatre ANOUSHKA SHANKAR March 22, The Florida Theatre BIG ENGINE March 23 & 24, Cliff’s Bar & Grill LYLE LOVETT & JOHN HIATT March 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIKE BERNOS BAND March 23, Mojo No. 4 THE LOOTERS March 23, Dog Star Tavern DJ MASEO (DE LA SOUL), $BIG BUCKS$ CREW March 23, Phoenix Taproom SUWANNEE SPRINGFEST: YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND, PETER ROWAN & TONY RICE, JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE, LARRY KEEL & NATURAL BRIDGE, JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT, DONNA THE BUFFALO, RANDALL BRAMBLETT & GEOFF ACHISON, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, WHETHERMAN March 23-25, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park KATCHAFIRE, COMMON KINGS, N’NOVA March 24, Freebird Live

GRAMMERTREE CD RELEASE PARTY March 24, Phoenix Taproom GREAT ATLANTIC MUSIC & SEAFOOD FESTIVAL: MICHAEL BURKS, SIMPLIFIED, SOL DRIVEN TRAIN, RACHEL WARFIELD, SPLIT TONE, THE DRUIDS March 24, Jax Beach ROCCO BLU March 24, Mojo No. 4 DR. DAN, THE LOOTERS March 24, Dog Star Tavern GLEN CAMPBELL March 25, The Florida Theatre HOT CHELLE RAE, ELECTRIC TOUCH, ACTION ITEM March 26, Freebird Live TAKE OFFENSE, XIBALA, SOUL SEARCH March 28, Phoenix Taproom TORNADO RIDER March 29, Freebird Live CARRIE NATION & THE SPEAKEASY March 29, Dog Star Tavern FIVE BY SEVEN March 30 & 31, Cliff’s Bar & Grill JAKE SHIMABUKURO March 30, The Florida Theatre SAWYER FAMILY, HANK HALL MUDTOWN March 30, Phoenix Taproom BUCK WILD (LAGWAGON), HURRICANE GUN, WHALEFACE, THE RESONANTS March 30, Nobby’s SUZY BOGGUSS March 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall LYNCH MOB March 30, Brewster’s Pit FRONTIERS (JOURNEY TRIBUTE) March 30, Freebird Live 3RD STONE March 30, Dog Star Tavern BREATHE CAROLINA, THE READY SET March 31, Freebird Live BAY STREET March 31, Mojo No. 4 DEE DEE BRIDGEWATER March 31, The Ritz Theatre & Museum ANTIQUE ANIMALS March 31, Phoenix Taproom CANNIBAL CORPSE, EXHUMED April 5, Freebird Live GALLAGHER April 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall OVER THE RHINE, LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE April 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TOWER OF POWER April 12, The Florida Theatre SPRINGING THE BLUES: JOEY GILMORE BLUES BAND, ALBERT CUMMINGS, ELI COOK BAND, TRAMPLED UNDER FOOT, JOANN SHAW TAYLOR, WOODY & THE PECKERS, WILLIE GREEN BLUES PROJECT, EDDIE SHAW & THE WOLFGANG, THE LEE BOYS April 13-15, Jax Beach JACKSONVILLE SUPERFEST: 60 LOCAL ACTS & BANDS April 13, Aloft Tapestry Park; April 14 & 15, UNF

WHITECHAPEL, MISS MAY I May 9, Freebird Live WE OWN THE NIGHT WORLD TOUR: LADY ANTEBELLUM, DARIUS RUCKER, THOMPSON SQUARE May 10, Veterans Memorial Arena CATIE CURTIS May 11, CafĂŠ Eleven EDGAR WINTER BAND May 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JACKSONVILLE JAZZ FESTIVAL: SONNY ROLLINS, CHICK COREA, STANLEY CLARKE, LENNY WHITE TRIO, PATTI AUSTIN, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA May 24-27, Downtown Jacksonville RINGO STARR & HIS ALL STARR BAND June 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

• CLUBS • AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

Cat Scratch Fever: The community group Stray Cat Saviors presents Music for Meows: A Benefit Concert for Community Cats, with performances by nine local bands including All Night Wolves (pictured), X Geezer, FFN and The Pinz on March 3 at 6 p.m. at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8; $10 for ages 18-21. Donations of cat food are also accepted. Proceeds benefit SCS programs for abandoned and feral cats.

398-7496.

MARTINA McBRIDE April 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TIM REYNOLDS, SONS OF BILL April 14, Freebird Live DAUGHTRY April 15, T-U Center VAN HALEN, KOOL & THE GANG April 16, Vets Mem. Arena GWAR, GHOUL, KYLESSA April 18, Freebird Live HUMAN NATURE April 20, T-U Center THE MAINE April 20, Freebird Live WANEE MUSIC FEST: ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND, FURTHUR, GOV’T MULE, TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, JAIMOE’S JASSSZ BAND, BUDDY GUY, BRUCE HORNSBY, DEVON ALLMAN’S HONEYTRIBE April 20 & 21, Spirit of the Suwannee

ROCKVILLE RUMBLE FINALS April 21, Freebird Live STEEL PULSE April 25, Freebird Live ELVIS COSTELLO & The IMPOSTERS April 27, Florida Theatre RISE TO AGAINST, A DAY TO REMEMBER, TITLE FIGHT April 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GREG LAKE April 29, The Florida Theatre COUNTING CROWS May 1, The Florida Theatre THE BEACH BOYS 50th ANNIVERSARY REUNION TOUR May 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE FRAY May 4, St. Augustine Amphitheatre EDDIE VEDDER, GLEN HANSARD May 8, T-U Center

BEECH STREET GRILL, 801 Beech, 277-3662 John Springer on Fri. & Sat., every other Thur. Barry Randolph every Sun. CAFE KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269 Live music in the courtyard at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., at 5 p.m. every Sun. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Whetherman on March 1. Grandpa’s Cough Medicine on March 2. The Owsley Brothers on March 3.

GENNARO’S ITALIANO SOUTH, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 491-1999 Live jazz from 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Dan Voll from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Live music every weekend O’KANE’S IRISH PUB, 318 Centre St., 261-1000 Dan Voll at 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Turner London Band at 8:30 p.m. every Thur., Fri. & Sat. THE PALACE SALOON & SHEFFIELD’S, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 BSP Unplugged every Tue. & Sun. Wes Cobb every Wed. DJ Heavy Hess, Hupp & Rob every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Miguel Alvarez in Sheffield’s every Fri. DJ Heavy Hess every Sat. Cason every Mon. PLAE, 80 Amelia Circle, Amelia Island Plantation, 277-2132 Gary Ross from 7-11 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6990 Cason at 2 p.m. at the tiki bar every Sat. & Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Live music Tue.-Sun. DJ Roc at 5 p.m. every Wed.

Wednesday

Ron Perry

Thursday

The Splinters

FIONN

Friday & Saturday

Something Distant Sunday

Story Tellers Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 25

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

AJ’S BAR & GRILLE, 10244 Atlantic Blvd., 805-9060 DJ Sheryl every Thur., Fri. & Sat. DJ Mike every Tue. & Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

MEEHAN’S TAVERN, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5, 551-7076 Karaoke every Wed. Live music every Fri. Open mic every Wed. MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. PLUSH, RAIN, LAVA, 845 University Blvd. N., 745-1845 DJ Massive spins top 40 in Rain every Wed., DJs spin Latin every Fri. STARBUCKS, 9301 Atlantic Blvd., 724-4554 Open mic with Starbucks Trio from 8-11 p.m. every other Fri. TONINO’S TRATTORIA, 7001 Merrill Rd., 743-3848 Alaina Colding every Thur. W. Harvey Williams at 6 p.m. every Fri. Signature String Quartet every Sat. VIP LOUNGE, 7707 Arlington Expressway, 619-8198 Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Wed. & Fri. Reggae every Thur. Old school every Sat. A DJ spins every Sun.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BRICK RESTAURANT, 3585 St. Johns Ave., 387-0606 Duet every Wed. Goliath Flores and Sam Rodriguez every Thur. Bush Doctors every first Fri. & Sat. Live jazz every Fri. & Sat. THE CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. 3rd Bass every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith spins for Karaoke every Tue. DJ Free spins vintage every Fri. DJs SuZiRok, LowKill & Mowgli spin for Chillwave Madness every Mon. ELEVATED AVONDALE, 3551 St. Johns Ave., 387-0700 Karaoke with Dave Thrash every Wed. DJ 151 spins hip hop, R&B, old-school every Thur. DJ Catharsis spins lounge beats every first & fourth Sat. Patrick Evan & CoAlition are in for Industry Sun. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 77Ds on March 2 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 Live music every Fri. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

THE COFFEE GRINDER, 9834 Old Baymeadows Rd., 642-7600 DJ Roy Luis spins new & vintage original house at 9

p.m. every Thur.

GATOR’S DOCKSIDE, 8650 Baymeadows Rd., 448-0500 Comfort Zone Band at 9 p.m. every Fri. MY PLACE BAR-N-GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Out of Hand every Mon. Rotating bands every other Tue. & Wed. OASIS GRILL & CHILL, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 748-9636 DJs Stan and Mike Bend spin every Feel Good Fri.

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD, 120 S. Third St., 444-8862 Kurt Lanham sings island music every Fri.-Sun. BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Slickwater at 6 p.m. on March 2. Tony Novelly at noon on March 4 BLUES ROCK CAFE, 831 N. First St., 249-0007 Live music every weekend BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 DJ IBay every Tue., Fri. & Sat. DJ Ginsu every Wed. DJ Jade every Thur.

Charlie Walker every Sun. CRAB CAKE FACTORY, 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza, 247-9880 Live jazz with Pierre & Co. every Wed. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Nu Next Level on Feb. 28. Dune Dogs at 8:30 p.m. on March 2. Karaoke on March 3. JK Wayne at 6:30 p.m. on March 4. Live music at 4 p.m. on March 6 DICK’S WINGS, 311 N. Third St., Ste. 107, 853-5004 Big Jeff at 8 p.m. every Thur. Live music at 9 p.m. every Sat. EL POTRO MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1553 Third St. N., 241-6910 Wilfredo Lopez every Wed. & Sat. ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY, 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337 Live music every Thur.

EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 992 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Grandpa’s Cough Medicine from 5-8 p.m. on March 4 FIONN MACCOOL’S, 333 N. First St., 242-9499 Live music every Thur.-Sat. FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Nate Holley every Mon. Wes Cobb every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. King Eddie reggae every Sun. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Boyce Avenue, Secondhand Serenade and Fifth South on March 2. Heavy Petty (Tom Petty Tribute Band) on March 3. Lotus and The Malah on March 6. Of Montreal, Roman GianArthur and Kishi Bashi on March 7 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 D-Lo Thompson on Feb. 29 LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Live music at 7:30 p.m. on March 2 & 3 LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 One Night Stand on March 2 & 3. Split Tone at 10:30 p.m. every Tue. Nate Holley every Wed. Ryan Campbell every Thur. Wits End every Sun. Little Green Men every Mon. MAYPORT TAVERN, 2775 Old Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 270-0801 Live music at 3 p.m. every Sun. Open mic at 5 p.m. every Wed. DJ Jason hosts Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., Ste. 2, 246-1500 Wits End on March 1. Ivey Brothers on March 2 MEZZA LUNA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger at 6 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford and Rick Johnson at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Toots Lorraine & the Traffic at 10 p.m. on March 2. Armadillo Ball with Red Afternoon on March 3. The Fritz & The Mantras on March 8 MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN, 1850 S. Third St., 246-1070 Wes Cobb at 10 p.m. every Tue. DJ Austin Williams spins dance & for Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Wed., Sat. & Sun. DJ Papa Sugar spins dance music at 9 p.m. every Mon., Thur. & Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Live music nightly NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Billy Bowers at 7:30 p.m. on March 3. Live music every Thur.-Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 Live music every weekend THE PIER RESTAURANT, 445 Eighth Ave. N., 246-6454 Darren Corlew and Johnny Flood at 7 p.m. every Thur. DJ Infader every Fri. Nate Holley every Sat. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Ron Perry on Feb. 29. The Splinters on March 1.

Something Distant on March 2 & 3. Story Tellers on March 4.

Billy Bowers on March 7 RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 320 N. First St., 270-8565 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. SUN DOG, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 241-8221 Billy Bowers on Feb. 28. Jason & Tony on Feb. 29. Tongle Box on March 1. Cloud 9 on March 2 & 3. Bread & Butter on March 4. Live music every Tue.-Sun. THE WINE BAR, 320 N. First St., 372-0211 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

DOWNTOWN

26 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

BURRO BAR, 228 E. Forsyth St., 353-4692 Wild Child, Rivernecks, Jackie Stranger, E.L. Wood & the Botanistas on

Feb. 29. Extremely Rotten, Diabolic Intent, Never baptized, The Hackish and Gutf*ucked on March 2. Christopher Bell on March 3. Japanther, Filthy Savage, Ken South Rock and Teenage Lobotomy at 10 p.m. on March 4. DJ Tin Man spins reggae & dub every Tue. DJ SuZi-Rok spins every Thur. $Big Bucks DJ Crew$ every Sat. Bert No Shirt & Uncle Jesse every Sun. CITY HALL PUB, 234 Randolph Blvd., 356-6750 DJ Skillz spins Motown, hip hop & R&B every Wed. Jazz at 11 a.m., Latin music at 9 p.m. every first Fri.; Ol’ Skool every last Fri. DIVE BAR, 331 E. Bay St., 359-9090 Live music every weekend DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth, 354-0666 DJ Synsonic spins every Tue. & Fri. DJ Rockin’ Bones spins every Wed. DJ Scandalous spins every Sat. DJ Randall Karaoke every Mon. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 176, 374-1247 The Ivey Brothers at 8 p.m. on March 1. 5x7 Band at 9 p.m. on March 2. Barrett Jocker Band at 9 p.m. on March 3 THE IVY ULTRA BAR, 113 E. Bay St., 356-9200 DJs 151 The Experience & C-Lo spin every Rush Hour Wed. DJ E.L. spins top 40, South Beach & dance classics every Pure Sat. THE JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., Live music for Leap Year Party at 5 p.m. on Feb. 29. JaxTalent at 5 p.m. on March 7 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Vinn spins top 40 for ladies nite every Thur. Ritmo y Sabor every Fiesta Fri. BayStreet mega party with DJ Shotgun every Sat. MAVERICKS, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Bobby Laredo spins every Thur. & Sat. Saddle Up every Sat. NORTHSTAR THE PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Open mic night from 8:30-11:30 p.m. every Wed. THE PEARL, 1101 N. Main St., 791-4499 DJs Tom P. & Ian S. spin ’80s & indie dance every Fri. DJ Ricky spins indie rock, hip hop & electro every Sat. PHOENIX TAPROOM, 325 W. Forsyth St., 798-8222 Viva La Vox, Ghostwitch, Mudtown and Little Jerks on March 2.

Whetherman and DayMoths on March 3. The Fisticuffs, DJs D.O.T.S and Lamar on March 6 POPPY LOVE SMOKE, 112 E. Adams St., 354-1988 DJs Al Pete & Gene Dot spin for The Glossary at 10 p.m. every Sat. ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 The Band on the Run on March 1. The Whey on March 2. Kurt Lanham on March 3. John Earle on March 7. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R. 220, 215-8999 DJ Ty spins for ladies’ nite every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Buck Smith Project every Mon. Blistur unplugged every Wed. RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 406 Old Hard Rd., Ste. 106, 213-7779 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Karaoke on Feb. 29. DJ BG on March 1. C4X at 9:30 p.m. on March 2 & 3.

Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

BREWSTER’S PIT, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Days Of The New, A Sound Below, Oscar Mike, Friends of Blake and Garrett on March 2. Saliva, Siva Addiction, Guilty Conscience, Allelle, Two Minute Wish and Rock & Roll Chrome on March 3. Faster Pussycat on March 4. Faster Pussycat, Running Rampant and Fix on March 4. Straight Line Stitch, Sacrifice To Survive, Newborn Ransom, Wake The Living, Manna Zen on March 5. David Allen Coe on March 10 BREWSTER’S PUB, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Open mic every Wed. Karaoke with DJ Randal & live music every Thur., Fri. & Sat. A DJ spins every Mon. BRUCCI’S PIZZA, 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36, 223-6913 Mike Shackelford at 6:30 p.m. every Sat. and Mon. CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Spanky at 9 p.m. on March 2 & 3. That 80s Show on March 7.

Karaoke every Thur. & Sun. JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22, 220-6766 Billy Bowers at 7 p.m. on March 1.

Live music every Fri.

JULINGTON CREEK, NW ST. JOHNS

HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 683-1964 Live music at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. SHANNON’S IRISH PUB, 111 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-9670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

MANDARIN

AW SHUCKS OYSTER BAR & GRILL, 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd., 240-0368 Open mic with John O’Connor from 7-10 p.m. every Wed. Cafe Groove Duo, Jay Terry & John O’Connor, from 8-11 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Sat. CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 11475 San Jose Blvd., 262-4337 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Karaoke from 9 p.m.-1 p.m. Mon.-Thur. Dennis Klee & the World’s Most Talented Waitstaff every Fri. & Sat. THE NEW ORLEANS CAFE, 12760 San Jose Blvd.,

See ya, Toots! Jump blues band Toots Lorraine & The Traffic play their final Northeast Florida concert, before heading to California, on March 2 at 10 p.m. at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach.

Tickets are $15. 247-6636.

880-5155 Aaron Koerner at 6 p.m., Creekside Songwriters at 7 p.m. on Feb. 29. Live music at 6 p.m. Tue., Wed., Fri.-Sun. Open mic with Biker Bob at 7:30 p.m. every Thur. Reggae with Les B. Fine at 1 p.m. every Sat. & Sun. Creekside Songwriters Showcase at 7 p.m. last Wed. every month RACK ’EM UP BILLIARDS, 4268 Oldfield Crossing, 262-4030 Craig Hand every Sat. Karaoke at 7 p.m. every Sun. SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE, 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16, 538-0811 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri. SUNBURST STUDIOS, 12641 San Jose Blvd., 485-0946 Open mic with My Friendz Band at 8:30 p.m. every Mon. Karaoke at 8:30 p.m. with DJ Tom Turner every Tue.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 1580 Wells Rd., 269-4855 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. & Sat. CRACKERS LOUNGE, 1282 Blanding Blvd., 272-4620 Karaoke every Fri. & Sat. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PARK AVENUE BILLIARDS, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Random Act from 7:30-11:30 p.m. every Mon. Bike Nite THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Blistur on March 2 & 3. Josh Dyer on March 8. Live music every Thur.Sat. DJ Jason every Tue. DJ Israel every Wed. Buck Smith Project every Mon.

PALATKA

DOWNTOWN BLUES BAR & GRILLE, 714 St. Johns Ave., (386) 325-5454 Dakota Hall on Feb. 29. Quik Draw and Chip & Claire Vandiver on March 2. Mad Dog Blues, Paul Zerra and Blue Smoke on March 3. Local talent every Wed. Karaoke every Thur. Blues jam every Sun.

PONTE VEDRA

LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE, 301 N. Roscoe Blvd., 285-0139 Mike Shackelford & Rick Johnson from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Tony Novelly from 6-10 p.m. every Mon. PUSSER’S CARIBBEAN GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766 Danny Kent at 8 p.m. on March 1. Neil Freestone at 8 p.m. on March 2. Alex Seier at 8 p.m. on March 3. Braxton Adamson at 6 p.m. on March 8. Live music every Thur.-Sun. URBAN FLATS, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Darren Corlew every Tue. Soulo & Deron Baker at 6 p.m. every Wed.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

FLA RIDERS MOTORCYCLE CLUB, 243 S. Edgewood Ave. DJ DreOne spins every Wed. for open mic nite HJ’S BAR & GRILL, 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., 317-2783 Karaoke with DJ Ron at 8:30 p.m. every Tue. & DJ Richie at every Fri. Live music every Sat. Open mic at 8 p.m. every Wed. KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. LOMAX LODGE, 822 Lomax St., 634-8813 DJ Dots every Tue. Milan da Tin Man every Wed. DJ Christian every Sat. DJ Spencer every Sun. DJ Luminous every Mon. THE MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 I Drive a Station Wagon farewell show with We the Gathered, Nothing Til Blood, From the Eyes of Servants, Refuge and Dream of the Day at 7 p.m. on March 2. Sent By Ravens CD release with Coming This Fall, Sumerlin and Favorette at 7:30 p.m. on March 3 PIZZA PALACE, 920 Margaret St., 598-1212 Jennifer Chase at 6:30 p.m. every Fri. YESTERDAYS SOCIAL CLUB, 3638 Park St., 387-0502 Rotating DJs spin for Pro Bono electronic music party from 7 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sun.

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 Billy Buchanan on March 1. Reggae SWAT Team on March 2 & 3 AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT, 1915 A1A S., 461-0102 Fermin Spanish guitar from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Open mic on Feb. 28 & March 6. The Grassy Noles on March 7 THE BRITISH PUB, 213 Anastasia Blvd., 810-5111 Karaoke with Jimmy Jamez at 9 p.m. on March 2 CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Langhorne Slim on March 10 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, San Sebastian Winery, 157 King St., 826-1594 The Committee at 7 p.m. on March 2. Deron Baker at 2 p.m., The Committee at 7 p.m. on March 3. Vinny Jacobs from 2-5 p.m. on March 4 CHICAGO PIZZA & BAKERY, 107 Natures Walk Pkwy., Ste. 101, 230-9700 Greg Flowers hosts open-mic and jazz piano from 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Fri. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Chelsea Saddler every Sun. FLORIDA CRACKER CAFE, 81 St. George St., 829-0397 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard at 5:30 p.m. every Wed. HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765. Billy Bowers from 6-10 p.m. on Feb. 29 JACK’S BARBECUE, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-8100 Jim Essery at 4 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Thur.-Sat. KING’S HEAD BRITISH PUB, 6460 U.S. 1, 823-9787 Mike Sweet from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

KOZMIC BLUZ PIZZA CAFE & ALE, 48 Spanish St., 825-4805 Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Open jam nite with house band at 8 p.m. every Wed. Battle of the DJs with Josh Frazetta & Mardi Gras Mike every last Sun. MEEHAN’S IRISH PUB, 20 Avenida Menendez, 810-1923 Live music every Fri. & Sat. MI CASA CAFE, 69 St. George St., 824-9317 Chelsea Saddler from noon-4 p.m. every Mon., Tue. & Thur. Elizabeth Roth at noon every Sun. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19 1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Vinny Jacobs every Tue. Todd & Molly Jones every Wed. Colton McKenna at 9 p.m. every Thur. Will Pearsall at 9 p.m. every Mon. NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Los Vigilantes on March 3. Japanther, Ken South Rock, Filthy Savage, Teenage Lobotomy on March 4.

SANGRIAS WINE & TAPAS Piano Bar, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music every Thurs.-Sun. SCARLETT O’HARA’S, 70 Hypolita St., 824-6535 Lil Blaze & DJ Alex are in for Karaoke every Mon. SIRENS, 113 Anastasia Blvd., 460-2641 Long Miles on March 10. Live music every Fri. DJs spin every Sat. Live music from 3-6 p.m. every Biker Sunday SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Live music every Fri.-Sun. THE TASTING ROOM, 25 Cuna St., 810-2400 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger from 5-8 p.m. every Sun. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Hooch at 9 p.m. on March 2 & 3. Mark Hart every Mon.-Wed. Open mic every Thur. Mark Hart & Jim Carrick every Fri. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m., Mark Hart at 5 p.m. every Sat. Keith Godwin at 1 p.m., Wade at 5 p.m. every Sun. Matanzas at 9 p.m. Sun.-Thur.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

AROMAS CIGARS & WINE BAR, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live jazz from 8-11 p.m. every Tue. Beer house rock every Wed. Live music every Thur. Will Hurley every

Fri. Bill Rice at 9 p.m. every Sat. BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. JOHNNY ANGELS, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120, 997-9850 Harry & Sally from 7-9 p.m. every Wed. Karaoke from 7-10 p.m. every Sat. with Gimme the Mike DJs ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Live music every Wed.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 997-1955 Paul Haftel on Feb. 29. Charlie Walker on March 1.

Nate Holley on March 2. Jonnie Morgan on March 3 SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy.

N., 997-1999 Bread & Butter at 9:30 p.m. on March 2. Chuck Nash every Thur. Live music at 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music from 9 p.m.-mid. every Thur. and 6-9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. URBAN FLATS, 9726 Touchton Rd., 642-1488 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHISKY RIVER, 4850 Big Island Drive, 645-5571 Gretchen Wilson at 7 p.m. on Feb. 29. A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Karaoke every Mon.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

ENDO EXO, 1224 Kings Ave., 396-7733 Swordz, Keylow and Jerico on March 2. DJ J-Money spins jazz, soul, R&B, house every Fri. DJ Manus spins top 40 & dance every Sat. Open mic with King Ron & T-Roy every Mon. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 399-1740 Doc Handy on Feb. 28. Nora Jane Stuthers on March 1. Paul Geremia on March 6. Jazz every second Tue. HAVANA-JAX CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609 MVP Band from 6-9 p.m., DJs No Fame & Dr. Doom every Wed. Jazz every Thur. American Top 40 every Fri. Salsa every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 The Magistrate, Bleeding In Stereo and Fit For Rivals at 8 p.m. on Feb. 28. Christopher Paul Stelling and Robin Rutenberg on Feb. 29, Maylene & the Sons of Disaster and Lionize on March 2. Music For Meows: Benefit concert for Community Cats with Lauren Fincham & Mike Pearson, Michael Edward Lanier, Shawn Lightfoot & The Brigade, FFN, X Geezer, The Pinz, All Night Wolves, Toe In The Trigger, Almost Always Never on March 3. False Step on March 4. Mega Ran, Adam Warrock, Willie Evans, Andy D. and Chubby Inc. on March 6 MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger at 7 p.m. every Thur.

PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815 Jennifer Chase at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. SQUARE ONE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 306-9004 Soul on the Square with MVP Band & Special Formula at 8 p.m.; DJ Dr. Doom at 10:30 p.m. every Mon. DJs Wes Reed & Josh Kemp spin indie dance & electro at 9 p.m. every Wed. DJs Anonymous and Mickey Shadow every Sat.

SAA

SOUTHSIDE

BOMBA’S, 8560 Beach Blvd., 997-2291 Open mic from 7-11 p.m. with Chris Hall every Tue. & every first Sun. Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. CORNER BISTRO & Wine Bar, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 1, 619-1931 Matt “Pianoman” Hall every Fri. & Sat. DAVE & BUSTER’S, 7025 Salisbury Rd. S., 296-1525 A DJ spins every Fri. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 5500 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Nikki Talley on March 3 LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 DJ SL JAMZ on March 1. Chris McCarty at 8:30 p.m., DJ Jun Bug at 11:30 p.m. on March 2. Gary Schutt Band at 8:30 p.m., VJ Josh Frazetta at 11:30 p.m. on March 3

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BLUE DINER CAFE, 5868 Norwood Ave., 766-7774 Jazz from 7-9 p.m. every first Thur.

BOOTS-N-BOTTLES, 12405 N. Main St., Ste. 7, Oceanway, 647-7798 Karaoke every Tue., Thur. & Sun. with DJ Dave.

Open mic every Wed. DAMES POINT MARINA, 4518 Irving Rd., 751-3043 DJ Steve at 6 p.m. on March 1. Mr. Natural at 6 p.m. on March 2, at 5 p.m. on March 3 FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4073 Live music every Fri. & Sat. ’70s every Tue. SKYLINE SPORTSBAR, 5611 Norwood Ave., 517-6973 Bigga Rankin & Cool Running DJs every Tue. & 1st Sun. Fusion Band & DJ every Thur. DJ Scar spins every Sun. THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Goliath Flores at 1 p.m. on March 4 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 Open mic every Thur. Woodie & Wyatt C. every Fri. Live music every Sat. TUCKER’S HWY. 17 TAVERN, 850532 U.S. 17, YULEE, 225-9211 Ricky Mac and Dillinger at 9 p.m. on March 2.

To get your band listed here, send all the vitals — band name, time, date, location of venue, with street address, city, admission price and contact number — to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email events@folioweekly.com.

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 27

Michelle Warren

2

1 I Guess that’s Why They Call It the Blues: Works by Bernie Taupin include (1) “Bamboo” (2) “Blue Prison Walls” and (3) “Blood Money.” All works are mixed media, 36”x36”.

4 3

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

Legendary lyricist Bernie Taupin is a man of many colors

B

ernie Taupin is one of rock music’s biggest stars, but it’s possible you’ve never heard of him. For nearly five decades, Taupin has been Elton John’s main lyricist — writing pop-rock hits like “Daniel,” “Tiny Dancer,” “Bennie and the Jets,” “Candle in the Wind,” “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me,” “I Guess That’s Why They Call It the Blues,” “Rocket Man” — the list goes on and on.

At 61, the British-born, California-based lyricist, poet and singer is undoubtedly best-known for his long-term collaboration with John, but Taupin has written songs for Starship, Heart, Alice Cooper, David Ackles and even a tune for Willie Nelson and Kid Rock. Taupin is also an accomplished painter.

In a new exhibit, “Beyond Words,” currently featured at Avondale Artworks, Taupin displays a collection of his recent works. He recently spoke with Folio Weekly about his various artistic endeavors.

Folio Weekly: Will this be your first time in Jacksonville?

Bernie Taupin: Someone just reminded me that I spent a few days there about 10 years ago — however, the details are foggy. In my early life on the road as a nomad — tagging along with a rock and roll band — I think I’ve pretty much been every place in the U.S. But have I hung out in Jacksonville for any great length of time?

I don’t believe so.

F.W.: If you had to choose between painting and writing songs for the rest of your life, what would you choose?

B.T.: You’ve got to be kidding; you’d need to put a gun to my head to get me to answer that 28 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

one. That’s like asking me which of my kids I like best.

F.W.: How much do your original paintings run?

B.T.: That’s a question for my representatives.

I don’t do moneyspeak. Obviously, it varies according to size, but quite honestly, I really don’t look at the price tags. I’m too busy making sure they’re hung right.

F.W.: You come from a humble background. Is it surreal what your life is like now? Did your parents live to see your success?

B.T.: The only surreal thing is that I’ve lived to see my success and for that accomplishment, I’ll credit my mother. My father passed away 15

Bob Dylan builds gates, Paul Newman raced cars and Woody Allen plays in a jazz band. Artistic drive is uncontrollable in the right hands. years ago, so he got to dig some of it. My mom is still helping me spell and critiquing my work at 90. I live a pretty simple life, so things haven’t changed as much as you think they may have.

F.W.: You’ve written some of the most wellknown songs in the world, so why paint? Is it a need or a curiosity?

B.T.: This question is always such a perplexing one to answer. If you’re a plumber, does that mean that all you want to do is unclog drains and install toilets? Bob Dylan builds gates, Paul Newman raced cars and Woody Allen plays in a jazz band. Artistic drive is uncontrollable in the right hands.

F.W.: Do your songwriting and painting share similar processes?

B.T.: They both come from the same place.

The imagination is where everything starts.

One is created with brushes and hopefully stimulates the eye. The other is ultimately sonic and hopefully stimulates the ears. My wish is that both will cause the viewer and listener to search what’s there and come up with their own conclusions without having to have it explained to them. Sometimes, the observer’s observations are infinitely more interesting than the creator’s.

F.W.: What projects are you working on now?

B.T.: I’m constantly painting, but in the last couple of weeks, I just wrapped up working with Elton and producer T Bone Burnett on our latest studio album that will most likely be released in the fall. We collaborated with Burnett on our last album, “The Union,” which was an Elton and Leon Russell record. But you know that!

Kara Pound themail@folioweekly.com

“Beyond Words” runs through March 4, with personal appearances by Bernie Taupin on Saturday, March 3 from 6-8 p.m. and Sunday, March 4 from 2-4 p.m. at Avondale Artworks, 3562 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 384-8797.

A Novel Experience The Douglas Anderson School of the Arts Writers’ Festival celebrates the joys of the written word

M

ore than a decade ago, Jacksonville’s premiere performing arts school hosted a creative writing event meant to give students the opportunities afforded adults at traditional writers’ festivals.

The workshops were held in classrooms at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts on the city’s Southside, and among the presenters were local writers like (ahem) Folio Weekly contributors and a then-unknown performance poet named Al Letson. Dozens of students attended. At the end of the day, students and presenters joined together to read their work in the school’s “black room,” a darkly painted mini-auditorium on the high school campus.

Fast-forward to the future — and what a difference a few years can make. The 12th annual Douglas Anderson Writers’ Festival is a two-day event held March 2 and 3 on University of North Florida’s campus, and organizers expect hundreds of participants.

Al Letson is still a presenter — but now he’s a nationally recognized playwright and performer, and the host of National Public Radio’s “State of the Re:Union” program.

And the keynote speaker? Literary legend Margaret Atwood, whose novel “The Handmaid’s Tale” has been required reading for more than 20 years. Atwood has won dozens of awards for her work, including the esteemed Booker Prize, and she has penned more than 20 volumes of poetry, nonfiction and fiction.

Other presenters include renowned memoirist Janisse Ray, songwriter and musician Stan Lynch, who was a founding member of Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, and Peter Meinke, poet laureate of St. Petersburg.

No longer is the forum limited to high school students; all writers are welcome, and everyone has the chance to leave every workshop with a piece of new writing.

“That’s the intent,” says Jackie Jones, who has helped organize the festival since its inception. “They leave with a lot of material and ideally with more insight into their craft.”

The only aspect of the festival more impressive than its lineup is the admission price: $35 for students and $60 for nonstudents. The Margaret Atwood reading? It’s free for students; $10 for everyone else. (By contrast, participation in this year’s UNF Writers Conference ranges from $149-$349.)

Jones and her colleagues at Douglas Anderson first conceived of the project after taking a few students to the Suncoast Writers’ Festival at the University of South Florida. The students came home so excited, the idea to host their own event was born.

At the time, Jones was an English teacher who taught a couple of creative writing courses.

When she retired last year after 42 years of teaching, she was a full-time creative writing

Acclaimed author Margaret Atwood is featured at this year’s DASOTA Writer’s Festival.

instructor in a program that hosted three teachers and 160 students. Though retired, she continues to help organize the local festival.

“It’s thrilling,” she says. “It’s a work in progress. We take our cues from the kids.”

Every year, the event grew a little more and organizers were able to raise enough funds to draw bigger and bigger names to participate.

Eventually, in 2008, the school was able to partner with the downtown Main library, and the keynote speaker was U.S. Poet Laureate Billy Collins.

“We kept thinking, ‘If you get him, they will come,’” Jones says.

By that time, the festival had grown so large that organizers decided to hold it every two years, and in 2010 the keynote speaker was Joyce Carol Oates, who has been thricenominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature. In addition, the participating writers range from newly inspired rookies to published authors.

“It’s an interesting and wonderful experience to put older and younger writers together,” Jones says.

In 2010, one of the presenters was UNF professor Mark Ari, author of the critically acclaimed novel “The Shoemaker’s Tale.” Ari so enjoyed his experience that he approached UNF’s Student Affairs department about hosting the next festival. Soon his enthusiasm spread, and Student Affairs, Academic Affairs and the Honors Program all joined together.

“UNF is in with both hands now,” Ari says.

It’s a feather in the cap of UNF’s relatively new creative writing program, which only recently began offering a CW minor. But Ari throws most of the credit to the Douglas Anderson people. “When you work with people like that, it’s just inspiring,” he says. “They want to make this happen.”

The DA students, in particular, have impressed him. The students, in fact, first proposed getting Margaret Atwood. Most had read and were fascinated by “The Handmaid’s Tale,” says DA senior Kelly Milliron, who is in charge of the festival’s social media publicity.

“In all of her books, she addresses this different

societal perspective,” Milliron says.

Milliron says she fully appreciates the caliber of the presenters attending this year. “It’s an opportunity for imagination and magic,” she says. “Everyone should go.”

Tickets are $60; $35 for students; $10 for Atwood’s appearance only. For a full schedule of events, held at the DASOTA campus and University of North Florida, and to purchase tickets, visit douglasandersonwritersfest.com.

322-3811.

Margaret Atwood’s novels are often described as dystopian and futuristic, but such labels can distract from Atwood’s unique ability to make us view the future in a whole new light.

In “The Handmaid’s Tale,” required reading in creative writing and literature programs around the world, women are kept as virtual babymaking slaves for elite, infertile couples. Most recently, her novel “The Year of the Flood” depicts the world after an environmental catastrophe destroys most human life.

Novelist and UNF creative writing professor Mark Ari admires Atwood’s ability to depict “a future that’s so near we can feel its breath on the back of our necks.”

“She extrapolates possibilities that are sobering, that take place at some point in the future but are not unknown to us,” he said.

In Atwood’s world, for example, even the police and military are privatized. “That’s not so far off,” Ari said.

Yet she manages to boil complicated, scientific scenarios down to great stories populated by moving, sympathetic characters.

Douglas Anderson student Kelly Milliron believes Atwood’s name alone should encourage people to sign up for the writers’ festival.

“In a funny sort of way, I would say, ‘This is Margaret Atwood.’ That’s enough to be said.”

Tricia Booker themail@folioweekly.com February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 29

The opening reception for the exhibit “Hamish MacEwan: The Paintings 1952-2009” is held from 5:30-8:30 p.m. on March 2 at Gallery L, Wells Fargo Center, 1 Independent Drive, Jacksonville.

A native of Glasgow, Scotland, MacEwan was a beloved painter (pictured, “April Exterior” ’07) and longtime art teacher at Episcopal High School.

For many years, MacEwan also did commentary broadcasts on WJCT Stereo 90. The show is on display through March 27.

553-6361.

Doug Eng

PERFORMANCE

ALVIN AILEY AMERICAN DANCE THEATER This celebrated dance ensemble performs at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 28 at the T-U Center for the Performing Art’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $41-$106. 632-3373.

CINDERELLA The Moscow Festival Ballet’s 50 dancers bring the classical fairytale to life at 7:30 p.m. on March 2 at ThrasherHorne Center, St. Johns River State College, 283 College Dr., Orange Park. Tickets range from $16-$48. 276-6750.

SAY GOODNIGHT GRACIE The Broadway hit about George and Gracie Burns is staged at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 29 and March 1, at 8 p.m. on March 2 and 3 and at 2 p.m. on March 3 and 4 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $31-$46. 632-3373.

HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES John Guare’s dark comedy, about a zookeeper who dreams of being a songwriter in 1960s Queens, is staged at 7:30 p.m. on March 1, 2, 3 and 6 and at 2 p.m. on March 4 at The Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine. Tickets are $25; $22 for seniors; $20 military and students. The play runs through March 25. 825-1164.

NIGHT OF JANUARY 16TH Theatre Jacksonville stages Ayn Rand’s courtroom drama at 8 p.m. on March 2 and 3 and 2 p.m. on March 4 at 2032 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25; $20 on Thur. and Sun. for seniors, military, students. The play runs through March 17. 396-4425.

HELLO, DOLLY! Sally Struthers stars in the classic musical comedy about a matchmaker in turn-of-the-century Manhattan at 8 p.m. on Feb. 29, March 1-4 and 6, at 1:15 p.m. on March 3 and 2 p.m. on March 4 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $42-$49. “Hello, Dolly!” is staged through April 8. 641-1212.

DANCE AT JU Jacksonville University dance students stage the Spring Dance Concert at 7:30 p.m. on March 1, 2 and 3 at JU’s Swisher Theater, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10; $7 for seniors, military; $5 for students. 256-7677.

VAGINA MONOLOGUES ABET presents Eve Ensler’s awardwinning play about female anatomy and empowerment at 7 p.m. on March 2 and 3 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Tickets are $10. Proceeds benefit Hubbard House and women of Haiti. For tickets, email vaginamonologues2012@yahoo.com.

SPOKEN WORD & AMATEUR NIGHT The Ritz Theatre & Museum presents spoken word at 7 p.m. on March 1 and amateur night at 7:30 p.m. on March 2 at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Admission for amateur night is $5.50. 632-5555.

CANTERBURY TALES AND CABARET AT PBTS Players by the Sea present director Barbara Colaciello’s “The Canterbury Tales With a Twist!” at 8 p.m. on March 3 and 2 p.m. on March 4 at 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach. Director Erik DeCicco and musical director Aaron Marshall lead PBTS School of the Arts Musical Theatre Lab students through “10 Lessons in Musical Theatre – a Cabaret” at 8 p.m. on March 2 and 6 p.m. on March 4.

Admission is $12; $5 for children under 10. “Canterbury” is also held at 8 p.m. on March 9 and 10. 249-0289.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD Harper Lee’s classic tale of a wrongly accused man is staged at 7 p.m. on March 2, 6 p.m. on March 3 and at 3 p.m. on March 4 at Stage Aurora Performance Hall, Gateway Town Center, 5188 Norwood Ave., Jacksonville.

Advance tickets are $15; $20 at the door; $10 for seniors, students. 765-7372. stageaurora.org HELLZAPOPPIN’ A SIDESHOW REVUE This punk rock-styled sideshow is featured at 8 p.m. on March 2 at Landshark Café, 1728 N. Third St., Jax Beach. Admission is $12. 246-6024.

CELEBRATE THE ART OF DANCE Fleming Island Library features dance demonstrations for children and adults from 6:30-7:30 p.m. on March 6 at 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island. 278-3722.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

BEACHES PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB Craig O’Neal offers a concert and event photography workshop from 6-8 p.m. on March 5 at Beaches Library, 600 Third St., Neptune Beach. 240-8835.

MUSIC VIDEO OPEN CALL Local soul artist Dove Hagan seeks people ages 18+ for possible inclusion in her upcoming video

30 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

shoot, from Feb. 29-March 7. dovehagan.com JAX JAZZ COMPETITION SEEKS PIANISTS The Jacksonville Jazz Piano Competition is accepting CD submissions for possible inclusion in a competition held on May 24 at The Florida Theatre. For details and guidelines, visit jaxjazzfest.com ART RE-SQUARED Anastasia Island Branch Library seeks 100 artists for its “The Square Root of Library Art Is You!” project.

Modeled on the Dolf James and Christina Foard “Imagination Squared” project, artists may pick up a 5"x5"x1/8" canvas square at the library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine Beach, to create art in any style with any medium. All squares must be returned by March 24. 209-3730.

COMING OUT MONOLOGUES SEEKS SUBMISSIONS “Coming Out Monologues,” a community-based theatrical production featuring spoken word, dramatic and musical performances, seeks submissions on “coming out,” from the perspective of an LGBT individual, friend or family member. Producers reserve the right to edit material for production. Deadline is March 1. For details, email jaxcomingoutmonologues@gmail.com

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

BACH RECITAL Bach cantatas are featured at 7:30 p.m. on Feb. 28 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

RAY LOVE Jazz artist Love performs at 8 p.m. on Feb. 28 at The Jazzland Café, 1324 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. 249-1009.

DOC HANDY Percussionist Handy plays at 8 p.m. on Feb. 28 at European Street Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

MARY L’ENGLE ENSEMBLE This chamber music quintet performs works by Boccherini and Robert Schumann at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. on March 2 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Jacksonville. 355-7584.

CLARINET & PIANO Clarinetist Julie Detweiler and pianist Michelle Huang play at 7:30 p.m. on March 2 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

TIFFANY GREEN Jazz vocalist Green appears at 8 p.m. on March 2 at Jazzland Café, 1324 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville.

Admission is $10. 249-1009.

SIMONE The Ritz Theatre & Museum presents contemporary jazz vocalist Simone at 7 and 10 p.m. on March 3 at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Each show is $21 in advance; $25 at the door. 632-5555.

THE CLASSICS This jazz combo performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 3 at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach.

249-2922.

BALLROOM WITH A TWIST The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and finalists from “Dancing with the Stars,” “So You Think You Can Dance” and “American Idol” appear at 8 p.m. on March 3 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $23.85-$58. 354-5547.

WOMEN’S HISTORY MONTH CONCERT Mezzosoprano Brittnee Siemon and guitarist Brent Bevis perform at 10:45 a.m. on March 4 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville. 725-8133.

PIANOPALOOZA UNF Piano Faculty and Students perform works for multiple pianos at 4 p.m. on March 4 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. Admission is $15. Proceeds benefit UNF piano programs. 620-2878.

LA TRAVIATA Teatro Lirico D’Europa presents Verdi’s “La Traviata,” with a company of 60 including a full orchestra, at 7 p.m. on March 4 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. In Italian with English supertitles. Tickets range from $29-$54. 633-6110.

BRAHMS AND FRIENDS Mezzosoprano Jane Christenson, baritone Bobb Robinson and pianist Michael Rickman perform works by Brahms at 7 p.m. on March 4 at Lakewood Presbyterian Church, 2001 University Blvd. W., Jacksonville.

733-8055.

WYNTON MARSALIS Jazz trumpet king Marsalis performs at 8 p.m. on March 4 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets rare $45 and $50. 355-2787.

SOPRANO AT UNF Mezzosoprano Aidan Soder and pianist Lee Thompson play at 7:30 p.m. on March 5 at University of North

Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

JAZZ BENEFIT AT CULHANE’S John Thomas Jazz Group appears at 6 p.m. on March 6 at Culhane’s Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Admission is $15. Proceeds benefit Beaches Historical Society. 249-9595.

CLASSICAL AT JU Jacksonville University faculty and students present new original works, followed by a Q&A with the composers, at 7:30 p.m.; Dance students present the Spring Dance Concert at 7:30 p.m. on March 6 at JU’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

CONCERTO SHOWCASE CONCERT Dr. Simon Shiao conducts members of the UNF Orchestra at 7:30 p.m. on March 6 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz nightly at 7 p.m. at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., St. Augustine. 825-0502.

ART WALKS & FESTIVALS

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK This self-guided tour features 25 participating galleries from 5-9 p.m. on March 2 in downtown St. Augustine. 829-0065.

BEACHES HOME AND ART TOUR A self-guided Ponte Vedra Beach Home & Art Tour is held from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. on March 3, featuring five homes. Tickets are $30; go to ccpvb.org. Proceeds benefit The Cultural Center at Ponte Vedra Beach. 280-0614.

MID-WEEK MARKET Arts & crafts, local produce and live music are featured every Wed. from 3-6 p.m. at Bull Memorial Park, corner of East Coast Drive and Seventh Street, Atlantic Beach.

247-5800.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts and local produce are offered every Fri. from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive. 353-1188.

MUSEUMS

AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378. The exhibit “Great Women of Florida” is on display through March.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville, 356-6857. “Impressionism and Post Impressionism from The High Museum of Art” is on display through May 6. “Richard Chamberlin: The Year of the Sheep” is displayed through July 8. “Beyond Ukiyo-e: Japanese Woodblock Prints and their influence on Western Art” runs through Aug. 9. “50 Forward: New Additions to the Permanent Collection” is on display through Aug. 15.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Jacksonville, 356-2992. New works in watercolor and oil by Leigh Murphy are on display March 3-April 27; an opening reception is held from 5:30-8 p.m. on March 9. “Civil War: The Beginning,” an exhibit of original letters and documents, is displayed through April 25. The permanent collection includes rare manuscripts. Open Tue.-Fri., 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; Sat. from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 366-6911. Joe Forkan’s “The Lebowski Cycle,” 14 paintings inspired by Baroque and Neoclassical eras and “The Big Lebowski,” is on display through April 1. Project Atrium features sculptor Gustavo Godoy’s installation “Empty Altar/Empty Throne” through March 11. An exhibit of work by the winners of the Northeast Florida Scholastic Art Awards runs through March. The exhibit “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s” runs through April 8. mocajacksonville.org RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville,

632-5555. An exhibit celebrating local African-American athletes and sports figures, “More Than a Game: AfricanAmerican Sports in Jacksonville, 1900-1975,” is currently on display. Admission is $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and seniors. Open Tue.-Sun.

GALLERIES

THE ART CENTER II 229 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville, 355-1757.

The exhibit “Figures” is on display through March 13.

AVONDALE ARTWORKS 3568 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville, 384-8797. The exhibit “Beyond Words” and appearances by Bernie Taupin are featured from 6-8 p.m. on March 3 and from 2-4 p.m. on March 4.

BEE GALLERY & DESIGN STUDIO The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 108, 419-8016. NYC-based photographer Carly Sioux’s exhibit, “Village East Vanishing,” is displayed through Feb. BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577. The opening reception for Mary Jane Amato’s exhibit “Fiber Art” is held from 5-9 p.m. on March 2.

The show runs through April 2.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-0614. Photography by Clyde Butcher is on display through April 7.

JOAN DORRILL ART STUDIO 900-I Lighthouse Plaza, Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 392-6630. Paintings by Joan Dorrill and photography by Bob Dorrill are featured through March.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. “Waves,” featuring recent work by painter Beth Haizlip and glass artist Kyle Goodwin, runs through April 2.

FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Road, Jacksonville.

535-7252. “Triple Threat,” featuring work by Matt Hebermehl, Michael Porten and Troy Wandzel, is on display through April.

GALLERY 725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320. “Explore the Heart,” with recent work by Tonsenia Yonn, Jay Shoots, Matthew Winghart, Gary Mack, Linda Olsen and Shayna Raymond, is on display through March.

GALLERY L Wells Fargo Center, 2nd floor, 1 Independent Drive, Jacksonville. 553-6361.The opening reception for “Hamish MacEwan: The Paintings 1952-2009” is held from 5:30-8:30 p.m. on March 2. The show runs through March 27.

THE GROTTO WINE BAR & SHOPPE 2012 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville, 398-0726. Recent work by Chip Southworth, Tony Rodrigues and Mico Fuentes is featured through March 11.

HAS ART SOLUTIONS 315 E. Bay St., Jacksonville, 599-2270.

The “QR Code” inspired art of Jason Tetlak is on display through March 10.

P.A.ST.A FINE ARTS GALLERY 214 Charlotte St., St. Augustine, 824-0251. The opening reception for an exhibit of Roann Elias’ work is held from 5-9 p.m. on March 2. The show runs through March.

SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838. The exhibit “Paper Chase,” by Atlanta-based arts collaborative duo TindelMichi, is on display through March 31.

VANDROFF ART GALLERY Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 730-2100. Ken Hercules’ photographs are displayed through March 21.

For a complete list of galleries, log on to folioweekly.com. To list your event, send info – time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print – to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email dbrown@folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

“Unless you really like pumpkin pie, you’d better get me home by midnight!” The Moscow Festival Ballet, featuring 50 dancers, performs Prokofiev’s “Cinderella” on March 2 at 7:30 p.m. at ThrasherHorne Center for the Arts, St. Johns River State College, 283 College Drive, Orange Park. Tickets range from $16-$48. 276-6750.

Hoop, there it is! The world-famous Harlem Globetrotters combine comedy, theater and perform a few death-defying basketball tricks on March 2 at 7 p.m. at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Originally formed in 1926, various rosters of the teams have played more than 20,000 exhibition games in 118 countries, all to the tune of “Sweet Georgia Brown.” Tickets range from $43-$112. 630-3900.

EVENTS

WOMEN, WORDS & WISDOM The speaker series presents Shannon Miller at 6:30 p.m. on March 6 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., downtown. Miller discusses her personal stories of trial and triumph in her effort to be successful and live a healthy and fit lifestyle. Tickets are $40; $100 for the series. Proceeds benefit Expanded Horizons, a Women’s Center of Jacksonville literacy program for women.

722-3000. womenscenterofjax.org THE POWER OF RELIGION Dr. Diana Eck discusses “The Power of Religion: Practical Pluralism in a World of Difference” at 7 p.m. on Feb. 28 at University of North Florida’s University Center, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. Admission is free but reservations are required; go to capricorn.anf.unf.edu/ ticketing/eck.asp DISTINGUISHED SPEAKER SERIES Amity Turkish Cultural Center presents Dr. Elvan Aktas, Istanbul Center outreach representative, at 6:30 p.m. on Feb. 28 at Amity Turkish Cultural Center, 4540 Southside Blvd., Ste. 202, Jacksonville.

Aktas discusses “Turkey Republic in a Changing World.” For reservations, email info@atcenter.org GREAT WOMEN LECTURE SERIES The Amelia Island Museum of History presents General Carol Mutter at 4 p.m. on March 3 at Fernandina Beach Golf Club’s club house, 2800 Bill Melton Road, Fernandina Beach. Gen. Mutter is the first woman in U.S. Armed Forces’ history to achieve the rank of three-star general. 261-7378 ext. 102.

LINCOLNVILLE FARMERS’ MARKET The weekly market, held from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. every Sun. at 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, offers local and organic produce, baked goods, coffees, cheeses, prepared foods, crafts and jewelry at the south end of Lincolnville in Eddie Vickers Park. There’s a community garden, too. lincolnvillefarmersmarket.com

POLITICS, BUSINESS & ACTIVISM

PEOPLE’S LAW SCHOOL Free, one-hour legal classes are presented by St. Johns Legal Aid Staff at 4 p.m. on Feb. 28 and every Tue. at St. Johns Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine. 827-6900.

SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB Chaplain Ron Camarda is the featured speaker at noon on Feb. 29 at San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is $20. For reservations, call 396-5559.

UNF SMALL BUSINESS CLASS Business Plan Basics is held from 6-9 p.m. on March 1 at the Small Business Development Center at University of North Florida, 12000 Alumni Dr., Jacksonville; cost is $40 in advance or $50 day of workshop.

“Marketing 101” is held from 6-9 p.m. on March 6; fee is $40 in advance, $50 day of the workshop. 620-2476. sbdc.unf.edu ASK A LAWYER The Jacksonville Bar Association and Jacksonville Area Legal Aid hold this free “Ask-A-Lawyer” event from 9 a.m.-noon on March 3 at Gateway Town Center, 5000 Norwood Ave., Jacksonville. Attorneys conduct individual, 10-to-15-minute consultations to provide guidance regarding family law matters, employment, landlord/tenant, wills and estates, bankruptcy and foreclosures. jaxlegalaid.org ETHICS COMMISSION The Jacksonville Ethics Commission meets at 5 p.m. on March 5 in the Don Davis Room, City Hall at St. James, 117 W. Duval St., Jacksonville. 630-1680.

LIBRARIES, BOOKS & WRITING

BIG BOOK SALE Volunteers for Friends of Jacksonville Public Library hold a Book Warehouse Sale on March 2, 3,

Advertising pro

4 and 10 at FJPL’s Book Warehouse, 3435 University Blvd.

N., Jacksonville. Proceeds from this and other FJPL sales supplement the library budget. 630-2304. fjpl.org FREE FINANCIAL SEMINARS Smart investing@your library, a series of seminars designed to help folks navigate common financial issues, is held through March 22 at libraries throughout the city. The program ends with an appearance by questions, author Michelle Singletary at the For Main Library on March 24 atplease call your advertising representative at noon. Seminars are free; registration is required.

To register, FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 call 630-2665 or go to jaxpubliclibrary.org WRITERS CRITIQUE GROUP This group gathers from 6-8:30 promise of benefit sUpport Ask for Action p.m. on the first Tue. of the month at Mandarin Library, 3330 Kori Road, Jacksonville. Admission is free. 428-4681. cdspublicity.com

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COMEDY

RICH GUZZI Hypnotist Rich Guzzi appears at 8 p.m. on Feb. 28-March 3, and presents his Xxxtreme Show at 10 p.m. on March 2 and 3 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville. Call for ticket prices. 292-4242.

SQUARE ONE STANDUP Moses West and Herman Nazworth host standup and spoken word at 9 p.m. every Tue. at Square One, 1974 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. 306-9004.

JACKIE KNIGHT’S COMEDY CLUB Danny Johnson and Kevin Loftus appear at 8:30 p.m. on March 2 and 3 at 3009 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. Tickets are $8 and $12.

461-8843.

UPCOMING

PRES. BILL CLINTON March 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP May 5-13, TPC Sawgrass

NATURE, SPORTS & OUTDOORS

TRI-JAX CHALLENGE JaxParks and Episcopal High School present the inaugural Tri-Jax Challenge on March 3 and 4 at Cecil Recreation Complex, 13611 Normandy Blvd., Jacksonville. The competition features an indoor swim, a fast, flat bike course and partially paved run course. Register online at trijaxchallenge.com TRAIL OF TAILS The fourth annual fun walk and festival is held from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. on March 3 at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. Registration is $35. A silent auction, food, fun and free kids’ crafts are featured. Proceeds benefit Jax Humane Society. 725-8766. jaxhumane.org LEAP DAY To coincide with Leap Day, Amphibian Ark, an amphibian conservation organization, presents Leaping Ahead of Extinction: A celebration of good news for amphibians, from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Feb. 29 at Jacksonville Zoo & Gardens, 370 Zoo Parkway, Jacksonville. Amphibian-themed face painting, prizes, drawings, an amphibian scavenger hunt and a leap frog contest are featured. jacksonvillezoo.org BROWN BAG LUNCH LECTURE GTM Research Reserve hosts a brown bag lunch lecture from noon-1 p.m. on March 2 at the Reserve’s Environmental Education Center, 505 Guana River Road, Ponte Vedra. Certified Master Gardener Renee Stambaugh discusses native plants. Bring a lunch. Admission is free. Reservations are required; call 823-4500.

AIR POTATO ROUNDUP Help rid local parks of the invasive air potato plant from 9 a.m.-noon on March 3 at 10 work sites throughout Nassau, Duval, Clay and St. Johns counties.

A prize is given for the largest potato found. For site locations visit dep.state.fl.us/coastal/sites/gtm/pub/National_Invasive_ Species_Awareness_Week_2012.pdf BARRIER ISLANDS A park ranger discusses the natural history of sea islands at 2 p.m. on March 3 at Ribault Club, Ft.

FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 31

Sales

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Sales Rep nv George Island Cultural State Park, 11241 Ft. George Road, Ft. George Island. Admission is free. 251-2320. floridastateparks. org/littletalbotisland

COMMUNITY INTEREST

UNITED WAY 5K WALK/RUN The United Way of St. Johns County holds its sixth annual 5K event at 9 a.m. on March 3 starting at the entrance to Flagler College at the Henry Flagler statue, continuing throughout downtown St. Augustine.

Register online at firstcoastunitedway.org HEALTH CARE COUNCIL The AIFBY Chamber’s new council meets at 8 a.m. on Feb. 28 at 961687 Gateway Blvd. Suite 101G, Amelia Island. The Chamber launches the council as a way to help health-related members develop personal and professional relationships and share information. Input at this organizational meeting will help set the council’s agenda.

261-3248.

DANCE MARATHON The fourth annual Dance Marathon is held on March 2 and 3 at the University of North Florida Arena, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. All funds raised by the event will support pediatric programs at two local hospitals, Shands Jacksonville and Wolfson Children’s Hospital. 244-9337. unfdm.org FREE COMMUNITY SHRED A mobile shred truck is onsite from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on Feb. 29 at City of Jacksonville Victim Services, 403 W. 10th St., Jacksonville. Limit 50 boxes per person. 630-6309. shreddingsourcefl.com TAX TRAINING PROGRAM Real$ense Prosperity Campaign offers free taxpayer training from 4-7 p.m. on Feb. 29 and March 6 at the Main Library, 303 N. Laura St., downtown. For details, call 632-0600 or go to realsensejax.org MONSTER TRUCK JAM This megaloud event is held from 7-10 p.m. on March 3 at EverBank Field, 1 EverBank Field Drive, downtown. Tickets start at $10. (800) 745-3000.

NOVA SOUTHEASTERN UNIVERSITY OPEN HOUSE Open House at NSU’s Jacksonville site is held at 6 p.m. on March 6 and 9:30 a.m. on March 10 at 6675 Corporate Center Parkway, Ste. 115, Jacksonville. Program representatives, faculty and staff discuss programs, scholarships, grants, student affairs

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32 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

FolioWeekly

and financial aid. 245-8910.

EDUCATIONAL LUNCHEON The University of North Florida’s Us Group, along with UNF’s Brooks College of Health, presents Dr. Judith Rodriguez, who served as the American Dietetic Association president during 2010-’11, at its annual educational luncheon from 11:30 a.m.-1:30 p.m. on March 6, at University Center Banquet Hall. Rodriguez discusses “Weigh Your Choices: Eat Right for Lifelong Health and Weight Management.” Check-in and registration begins at 11 a.m.

Tickets are $50. 620-2878.

PING PONG TOURNAMENT A ping-pong tournament is held at 7 p.m. every Tue. at Green Room Brewing, 228 Third St. N., Jax Beach. 201-9283.

KIDS

THE ART OF DANCE Celebrate dancing with live dance demos from country to pop by Electric Rhythm, from 6:30-7:30 p.m. on March 6 at Clay County Headquarters Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island. 278-3722.

CLASSES & GROUPS

NASJAX SKIN & SCUBA DIVERS This club gathers at 7 p.m. on March 7 at Golden Corral, 11470 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin. The club is open to all divers and those interested in diving (military affiliation is not required). 413-8773. nasjaxscubadivers.org RAISING CHICKENS The Duval County Extension Office/ UF IFAS holds a workshop on Raising Backyard Poultry at 6 p.m. on Feb. 28 at the Extension Office, 1010 N. McDuff Ave., Jacksonville. Breed selection, nutrition and feeding, changing city ordinance and petition update and general tips are discussed. To register, call 255-7450.

To get your event included in this listing, email the time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to events@folioweekly.com or click the link in our Happenings section at folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

DINING GUIDE KEY

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

(In Fernandina Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE BEECH STREET GRILL Fine dining in a casual atmosphere. The menu includes fresh local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes created with a variety of ethnic influences.

Award-winning wine list. FB. L, Wed.-Fri.; D, nightly; Sun. brunch. 801 Beech St. 277-3662. $$$ BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ F At the foot of Centre Street, the upscale restaurant overlooks the Harbor Marina. The menu includes daily specials, fresh Florida seafood and an extensive wine list. FB. L & D, daily. 1 S. Front St. 261-2660. $$$ BRIGHT MORNINGS The small café offers freshly baked goods. B & L daily. 105 S. Third St. 491-1771. $$ CAFÉ 4750 At the Italian kitchen and wine bar, Chef de Cuisine Garrett Gooch offers roasted sea bass, frutti di mare soup, clam linguini, panatela bruschetta and fresh gelatos. Dine indoors or on the terrace. FB. B, L & D, daily. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$$ CAFÉ KARIBO F Eclectic cuisine, served under the oaks in historic Fernandina, features sandwiches and chef’s specials.

Alfresco dining. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sat.; L, Sun. & Mon. 27 N. Third St. 277-5269. $$ CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY F European-style breads, pastries, croissants, muffins and pies baked daily. 1014 Atlantic Ave. 491-4663. $ EIGHT Contemporary sports lounge offers burgers, sandwiches, wings and nachos. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Fri. & Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$ FERNANDELI F Classics with a Southern touch, like a onethird-pound devil dog, Reubens and pulled pork. Sandwiches and wraps built to order from fresh cold cuts, tuna, egg and turkey salads. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 17B S. Eighth St. 261-0008. $ GENNARO’S RISTORANTE ITALIANO F Southern Italian cuisine: pasta, gourmet ravioli, hand-tossed pizzas.

Specialties are margharita pizza and shrimp feast. Bread is baked on-site. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 5472 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island, 491-1999. $$ HALFTIME SPORTS BAR & GRILL F Sports bar fare includes onion rings, spring rolls, burgers, wraps and wings. Plenty of TVs show nearly every sport imaginable. L & D, daily. BW. 320 S. Eighth St. 321-0303. $ HAPPY TOMATO COURTYARD CAFE & BBQ Pulled pork sandwich, chicken salad and walnut chocolate chunk cookie, served in a laid-back atmosphere. BW. CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 7 S. Third St. 321-0707. $$ JACK & DIANE’S F Casual cafe offers steak & eggs, pancakes, Cajun scampi, etouffée, curry pizza, vegan black bean cakes, shrimp & grits, hand-carved steaks. FB. B, L & D, daily. 708 Centre St. 321-1444. $$ JOE’S 2ND STREET BISTRO Elegant island atmosphere. NY strip steak with sauces, Maine crab cakes, seafood fricassee and roast chicken penne pasta. BW. CM. D, nightly. 14 S. Second St. 321-2558. $$$ KABUKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Teppanyaki masters create your meal; plus a 37-item sushi bar. BW. D, Tue.-Sun. Amelia Plaza. 277-8782. $$ KELLEY’S COURTYARD CAFE F She crab soup, salads, fried green tomatoes, sandwiches and wraps are served indoors or out on the patio. Vegetarian dishes are also offered. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 19 S. Third St. 432-8213. $ LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE F An innovative lunch menu includes po’boys and seafood “little plates” served in a historic house. Dinner features fresh local seafood. Nightly specials. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations recommended. 11 S. Seventh St. 432-8394. $$ MONTEGO BAY COFFEE CAFE Locally owned and operated, with specialty coffees, fruit smoothies. Dine in or hit the drivethru. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 463363 S.R. 200, Yulee. 225-3600. $ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Northernstyle pizza by the pie or the slice. Choose from more than 20 toppings. Owner-selected wines and a large beer selection.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 925 S. 14th St. 321-3400. $ THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE Organic eatery, juice bar. Extensive menu features vegetarian, vegan items. Daily specials: local seafood, free-range chicken, fresh organic produce. CM. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 833 TJ Courson Rd. 277-3141. $$ O’KANE’S IRISH PUB F Rustic, genuine Irish pub up front, eatery in back, featuring daily specials, fish-n-chips, and soups served in a sourdough bread bowl. FB. L & D, Mon.Sun. 318 Centre St. 261-1000. $$ PEPPER’S MEXICAN GRILL & CANTINA F The family restaurant offers authentic Mexican cuisine. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 520 Centre St. 272-2011. $$ PICANTE GRILL ROTISSERIE BAR F Flavors of Peru and Latin America, served in a modern atmosphere. Authentic

Walter Coker

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer, Wine FB = Full Bar CM = Children’s Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast L = Lunch D = Dinner F = Folio Weekly distribution point Send changes to mdryden@folioweekly.com

Peruvian cebiche and homestyle empanadas.

BW, CM, TO. L & D tue sat. 464073 S.R. 200, Ste. 2, Yulee. 310-9222. $$ PLAE In Omni Amelia Island Plantation’s Spa & Shops, the cozy venue offers an innovative and PLAEful dining experience. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, nightly. 277-2132. $$$ SALT, THE GRILL Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Elegant dining featuring local seafood and produce, served in a contemporary coastal setting. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

491-6746. $$$$ SANDOLLAR RESTAURANT & MARINA F Dine inside or on the deck. Snow crab legs, fresh fish, shellfish dishes. FB. L & D, daily. 9716 Heckscher Dr., Ft. George Island.

251-2449. $$ SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL F Oceanfront dining; local seafood, shrimp, crab cakes, outdoor beachfront tiki & raw bar, covered deck and kids’ playground. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 277-6652. $$ THE SURF F Dine inside or on the large oceanview deck. Steaks, fresh fish, shrimp and nightly specials. Late-night menu.

FB. L & D, daily. 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 261-5711. $$ TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES F The name pretty much says it all. Tasty’s offers burgers (Angus beef, turkey or veggie) and fries (like cheese fries, sweet potato fries), along with dogs, shakes, floats and soup.

L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, BW. 710 Centre St. 321-0409. $ Mojo Bar-B-Que serves Carolina barbecue with all the sides in their colorful, folk-art-infused digs on University Boulevard West in T-RAY’S BURGER STATION F A favorite Jacksonville’s Lakewood area. local spot; Best of Jax 2011 winner. Grilled or blackened fish sandwiches, homemade burgers. BW, TO. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 202 S. 3580 St. Johns Ave. 387-2669. $ Eighth St. 261-6310. $ atmosphere. Chef Aphayasane’s innovative creations include GREEN MAN GOURMET Organic and natural products, spices, 29 SOUTH EATS F Part of historic Fernandina Beach’s roast duckling and fried snapper. BW. R. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.teas, salts, BW. Open daily. 3543 St. Johns Ave. 384-0002. $ downtown scene. Award-winning Chef Scotty serves Sat. 9846 Old Baymeadows Rd. 645-9911. $$ MOJO NO. 4 F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3572 traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, MANDALOUN MEDITERRANEAN CUISINE F The Lebanese St. Johns Ave. 381-6670. $$ Mon.-Sat.; Sun. brunch. 29 S. Third St. 277-7919. $$ restaurant offers authentic cuisine: lahm meshwe, kafta ORSAY Best of Jax 2011 winner. The French/American bistro khoshkhas and baked filet of red snapper. CM, FB. L & D, focuses on craftsmanship and service. FB. D, Tues.-Sat.; daily. 9862 Old Baymeadows Rd. 646-1881. $$ Brunch & D, Sun. 3630 Park St. 381-0909. $$$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax EAST COAST BUFFET F A 160+ item Chinese, Japanese, TOM & BETTY’S F A Jacksonville tradition for more than 30 2011 winner. The organic supermarket offers a full deli and a American and Italian buffet. Dine in, take out. FB. L & D, Mon.years, Tom & Betty’s serves hefty sandwiches with classic car hot bar with fresh soups, quesadillas, rotisserie chicken and Sat.; Sun. brunch. 9569 Regency Sq. Blvd. N. 726-9888. $$ themes, along with homemade-style dishes. CM, FB. L & D, vegan sushi, as well as a fresh juice and smoothie bar. 11030 KABUTO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR Steak & Mon.-Sat. 4409 Roosevelt Blvd. 387-3311. $$ Baymeadows Rd. 260-2791. $ shrimp, filet mignon & lobster, shrimp & scallops, a sushi bar, ’town F Owner Meghan Purcell and Executive Chef Scott OMAHA STEAKHOUSE Center-cut beef, seafood, sandwiches teppanyaki grill and traditional Japanese cuisine. CM, FB. L & Ostrander bring farm-to-table to Northeast Florida, offering served in an English tavern atmosphere. The signature dish D, daily. 10055 Atlantic Blvd. 724-8883. $$$ American fare with an emphasis on sustainability. FB. L & D, is a 16-ounce bone-in ribeye. Desserts include crème brûlée.

LA NOPALERA Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

Mon.-Sat. 3611 St. Johns Ave. 345-2596. $$ FB. L & D, daily. 9300 Baymeadows Rd., Embassy Suites 8818 Atlantic Blvd. 720-0106. $ Hotel. 739-6633. $$ ORANGE TREE HOT DOGS F Hot dogs with slaw, chili MEEHAN’S TAVERN F The Irish pub and restaurant serves cheese, sauerkraut; and small pizzas. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 8380 beef and Guinness stew, Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 8060 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 4. 733-0588. orangetreehotdogs.com $ traditional lamb stew, jalapeño poppers, in a comfy place. BW. PATTAYA THAI GRILLE F Traditional Thai and vegetarian Philips Hwy. 731-4300. $ L & D, Wed.-Sun. 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5. 551-7076. $$ items and a 40-plus item vegetarian menu served in a BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA F Family-ownedNERO’S CAFE F Traditional Italian fare, including seafood, contemporary atmosphere. B/W. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 &-operated New York-style pizzeria serves hand-tossed, veal, beef, chicken and pasta dishes. Weekly specials are Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1. 646-9506. $$ brick-oven-baked pizza, traditional Italian dinners, wings, lasagna, 2-for-1 pizza and AYCE spaghetti. CM, FB. L, Sun.; D, PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 3928 Baymeadows Rd. subs. Delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 10920 Baymeadows Rd., daily. 3607 University Blvd. N. 743-3141. $$ 527-8649. $$ Ste. 3. 519-8000. $$ REGENCY ALE HOUSE & RAW BAR Generous portions and STICKY FINGERS F Memphis-style rib house specializes CAFE CONFLUENCE F The European coffeehouse serves friendly service in a nautical atmosphere. Fresh fish, specialty in barbecue ribs served several ways. FB. L & D, daily. 8129 Italian specialty coffees and smoothies, along with paninis, pastas, fresh oysters and clams. BW. L & D, daily. 9541 Point Meadows Way. 493-7427. $$ salads and European chocolates. Outdoor dining. BW. L & D, Regency Square Blvd. S. 720-0551. $$ UDIPI CAFE Authentic South Indian vegetarian cuisine. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 8612 Baymeadows Rd. 733-7840. $ TREY’S DELI & GRILL F Fresh food served in a relaxed Tue.-Fri. 8642 Baymeadows Rd. 402-8084. $ CHA-CHA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT F Owner Celso atmosphere. Burgers, Trey’s Reuben, deli sandwiches, pork, VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 9910 Old Alvarado offers authentic Mexican fare with 26 combo dinners steaks, seafood, pies. Prime rib specials every Fri. night. CM, Baymeadows Rd. 641-7171. $ and specialty dishes including chalupas, enchiladas, burritos.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 2044 Rogero Rd. 744-3690. $$ FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd. 737-9903. $$ UNIVERSITY DINER F The popular diner serves familiar CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F Chicago-style deepbreakfast fare and lunch like meatloaf, burgers, sandwiches: dish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from the Comastro wraps, BLTs, clubs, melts. Daily specials. BW. B & L, Sat. & (In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.) family, serving authentic Windy City favorites for 25+ years.

Sun.; B, L & D, Mon.-Fri. 5959 Merrill Rd. 762-3433. $ A LA CARTE Authentic New England fare like Maine lobster CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy. 731-9797. $$ rolls, fried Ipswich clams, crab or clam cake sandwich, fried DEERWOOD DELI & DINER F The ’50s-style diner serves shrimp basket, haddock sandwich, clam chowdah, birch beer malts, shakes, Reubens, Cubans, burgers, and traditional BISCOTTIS F Mozzarella bruschetta, Avondale pizza, and blueberry soda. Dine inside or on the deck. TO. L, Fri.-Tue. breakfast items. CM. B & L, daily. 9934 Old Baymeadows Rd. sandwiches, espresso, cappuccino. Revolving daily specials.

331 First Ave. N. 241-2005. $$ 641-4877. $$ B, Tue.-Sun.; L & D, daily. 3556 St. Johns Ave. 387-2060. $$$ AL’S PIZZA F Serving hand-tossed gourmet pizzas, calzones THE FIFTH ELEMENT F Authentic Indian, South Indian and THE BLUE FISH RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR Fresh seafood, and Italian entrees for more than 21 years. Voted Best Pizza Indochinese dishes made with artistic flair. Lunch buffet steaks and more are served in a casual atmosphere. Halfby Folio Weekly readers from 1996-2011. BW. L & D, daily. includes lamb, goat, chicken, tandoori and biryani items. CM. portions are available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 3551 St. Johns 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-0002. $ L & D, daily. 9485 Baymeadows Rd. 448-8265. $$ Ave., Shoppes of Avondale. 387-0700. $$$ ANGIE’S SUBS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Subs are madeGATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 8650 Baymeadows BRICK RESTAURANT F Creative all-American fare like tuna to-order fresh. Serious casual. Wicked good iced tea. 1436 Rd. 448-0500. $$ tartare, seaweed salad and Kobe burger. Outside dining. FB. Beach Blvd. 246-2519. $ INDIA RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Extensive L & D, daily. 3585 St. Johns Ave. 387-0606. $$$ BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET F The menu of entrées, clay-oven grilled Tandoori specialties and THE CASBAH F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Middle Eastern full fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, chicken tandoor, fish, seafood and korma. L, Mon.-Sat., D, cuisine is served in a friendly atmosphere. BW. L & D, daily. oyster baskets, Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or daily. 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8. 620-0777. $$ 3628 St. Johns Ave. 981-9966. $$ outside. Beach delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 120 S. Third St. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS F With locations all over Northeast ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE F Gauchos carve the 444-8862. $$ Florida, Larry’s piles subs up with fresh fixins and serves ’em meat onto your plate from serving tables. FB. D, Tue.-Sun., BONGIORNO’S PHILLY STEAK SHOP F South Philly’s fast. Some Larry’s Subs offer B & W and/or serve breakfast. closed Mon. 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40. 388-4884. $$$ Bongiorno clan imports Amoroso rolls for Real Deal cheeseCM. L & D, daily. 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9 (Goodby’s THE FOX RESTAURANT F The Fox has been a Jacksonville steak, Original Gobbler, clubs, wraps, burgers, dogs. BW, CM. Creek), 737-7740; 8616 Baymeadows Rd. 739-2498. landmark for 50-plus years. Owners Ian & Mary Chase serve L & D, daily. 2294 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach. 246-3278. $$ larryssubs.com $ BONO’S PIT BAR-B-Q F Baby back ribs, fried corn, sweet classic diner-style fare, homemade desserts. B & L daily.

LEMONGRASS F Upscale Thai cuisine in a metropolitan

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

BAYMEADOWS

BEACHES

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 33

GRILL ME! A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ

NAME: Melanie Goh, owner and chef RESTAURANT: Basil Thai Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., in Jacksonville’s San Marco area

Walter Coker

BIRTHPLACE: Laos

YEARS IN THE BUSINESS: 8

FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than my own): Matthew’s FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Italian, Thai and sushi.

FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Garlic, hot spices, olive oil, curry, pasta and noodles.

IDEAL MEAL: A romantic candlelit dinner, starting with hot artichoke-spinach dip with Tuscan bread, chicken and gnocchi cream soup, then oven-baked parmesan-crushed tilapia, with steamed vegetables in light garlic butter sauce … ahhh! And end with triple-chocolate strata topped with dark chocolate and coconut ice cream.

WOULDN’T EAT IF YOU PAID ME: Raw meat.

INSIDER’S SECRET: Love to learn and experience new dishes.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING AT BASIL THAI SUSHI: We love Casey Black and Nick Loren!

CULINARY GUILTY PLEASURE: Ice cream! Almonds! Dessert!.

potatoes. BW. L & D, daily. 1307 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 270-2666. 1266 S. Third St. 249-8704. bonosbarbq.com $ BUDDHA’S BELLY F Authentic Thai dishes made with fresh ingredients using tried-and-true recipes. FB, TO. L & D, daily.

301 10th Ave. N. 372-9149. $$ BURRITO GALLERY EXPRESS F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

The Gallery’s kid sister at the beach each is mostly take-out; same great chow, fast service. 1333 Third St. N. 242-8226. $ CAMPECHE BAY CANTINA F Homemade-style Mexican items are fajitas, enchiladas and fried ice cream, plus margaritas. FB. D, nightly. 127 First Ave. N. 249-3322. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield.

2429 S. 3rd St. 372-9000. $ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

320 N. First St. 270-8565. $$ CRAB CAKE FACTORY JAX F Chef Khan Vongdara presents an innovative menu of seafood dishes and seasonal favorites.

FB. L & D daily. 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza. 247-9880. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner, serving burgers, sandwiches, nachos, tacos, quesadillas and cheese fries. 319 23rd Ave. S. 270-0356. $ CULHANE’S IRISH PUB Four Culhane sisters own and operate the authentic Irish pub, with faves Guinness stew, lamb sliders and fish pie. L, Fri.-Sun.; D, Tue.-Sun.; weekend brunch. FB, CM. 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach.

249-9595. $$ CYCLONES TEX-MEX CANTINA F The place has freshly made Tex-Mex favorites, including fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, tamales and taco salad. Lunch combos include Mexican rice and beans. FB. L & D, daily. 1222 Third St. S. 694-0488. $$ DICK’S WINGS F The NASCAR-themed place serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and salads. BW, TO. L & D daily. 2434 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 372-0298. 311 N. Third St., 853-5004. $ DWIGHT’S The Mediterranean-style bistro features fresh local seafood, filet mignon, mixed grill and an extensive wine list.

D, Tue.-Sat. 1527 Penman Rd. 241-4496. $$$$ ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Jax Beach restaurant serves gastropub fare like soups, salads, flatbreads and specialty sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Daily specials, too. CM, BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217. 249-2337. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 992 Beach Blvd. 249-3001. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Casual dining with uptown Irish flair, including fish and chips, Guinness beef stew and black-and-tan brownies. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 242-9499. $$ THE FISH COMPANY F Fresh, local seafood is served, including Mayport shrimp, fish baskets and grilled tuna and there’s an oyster bar. L & D, daily. CM, FB. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 12, Atlantic Beach. 246-0123. $$ HALA SANDWICH SHOP & BAKERY Authentic Middle Eastern favorites include gyros, shwarma, pita bread, made fresh daily. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 1451 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 249-2212. $$ HOT DOG HUT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. All-beef hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, crab cakes, beer-battered onion rings and French fries. B. L, daily. 1439 Third St. S. 247-8886. $ ICHIBAN F Three dining areas: teppan or hibachi tables (watch a chef prepare your food), a sushi bar and Westernstyle seating offering tempura and teriyaki. FB, Japanese

34 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

plum wine. L & D, daily. 675 N. Third St. 247-4688. $$ LYNCH’S IRISH PUB The full-service restaurant offers corned beef & cabbage, Shepherd’s pie, fish-n-chips. 30+ beers on tap. FB. L, Sat. & Sun., D, daily. 514 N. First St. 249-5181. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1080 Third St. N. 241-5600. $ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

1534 Third St., Neptune Beach. 853-6817. $$ MEZZA LUNA F A Beaches tradition for 20-plus years.

Great food, from gourmet wood-fired pizzas to contemporary American cuisine. Inside or patio dining. Extensive wine list.

CM, FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 110 First St., Neptune Beach.

249-5573. $$$ MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Traditional slow-cooked Southern barbecue served in a blues bar atmosphere. Favorites are pulled pork, Texas brisket and slow-cooked ribs. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1500 Beach Blvd. 247-6636. $$ MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN F For 25-plus years, Monkey’s has served pub grub, burgers, sandwiches, seafood and wings. Dine inside or out on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1850 S. Third St. 246-1070. $ NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Executive Chef Kenny Gilbert’s cuisine features local fare and innovative dishes, served in an island atmosphere. Dine inside or out on the tiki deck. FB. L & D, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 2309 Beach Blvd. 247-3300. $$ NORTH BEACH BISTRO Casual dining with an elegant touch, like slow-cooked veal osso buco; calypso crusted mahi mahi with spiced plantain chips. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach. 372-4105. $$$ OCEAN 60 A prix fixe menu is offered. Continental cuisine, with fresh seafood, nightly specials and a changing seasonal menu. Dine in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room.

D, Mon.-Sat. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 247-0060. $$$ PACO’S MEXICAN GRILL Serving Baja-style Mexican cuisine, featuring carne asada, tacos, burritos, fish tacos and shrimp burritos. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 333 First St. N. 208-5097. $ THE PIER RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The oceanfront restaurant offers fresh, local fare served on two floors — upstairs, it’s Chef’s Menu, with stuffed flounder, pork tenderloin, appetizers. Downstairs bar and patio offer casual items, daily drink specials. CM, FB. D, daily; L & D, weekends; brunch, Sun. 412 First St. N. 246-6454. $$ PHILLY’S FINEST F Authentic Philly-style cheesesteaks made with imported Amorosa rolls. Hoagies, wings and pizza ... cold beer, too. FB. L & D, daily. 1527 N. Third St. 241-7188. $$ RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Beaches landmark serves grilled seafood with a Cajun/Creole accent. Hand-crafted cold beer. FB. L & D, daily.

207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. $$ SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK F Best of Jax 2011 winner. An array of specialty menu items, including signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos and local fried shrimp, in a casual, trendy open-air space. FB, TO, CM. L & D, daily. 1018 Third St. N. 372-4456. $$ SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. 111 Beach Blvd. 482-1000. $$ SUN DOG STEAK & SEAFOOD F Eclectic American fare, art deco décor with an authentic diner feel. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221. $$ TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA F Fresh, Baja-style Mexican fare, with a focus on fish tacos and tequila, as well as fried cheese,

bangin’ shrimp and verde chicken tacos. Valet parking. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1183 Beach Blvd. 249-8226. $$ TROPICAL SMOOTHIE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. With 12 locations in Northeast Florida, Tropical Smoothie’s got us covered. Serving breakfast, wraps, sandwiches, flatbreads and smoothies — lowfat, fruity, coffees, supplements. CM. Open daily. 1230 Beach Blvd., 242-4940. 251 Third St., Neptune Beach, 247-8323. $ THE WINE BAR The casual neighborhood place has a tapas-style menu, fire-baked flatbreads and a wine selection.

Tue.-Sun. 320 N. First St. 372-0211. $$

DOWNTOWN

(The Jacksonville Landing venues are at 2 Independent Drive) ADAMS STREET DELI & GRILL The lunch spot serves wraps, including grilled chicken, and salads, including Greek salad. L, Mon.-Fri. 126 W. Adams St. 475-1400. $$ BURRITO GALLERY & BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Southwest cuisine, traditional American salads. Burritos and more burritos. Onsite art gallery. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-2922. $ CAFÉ NOLA AT MOCA JAX On the first floor of Museum of Contemporary Art, Cafe Nola serves shrimp and grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Thur. 333 N. Laura St. 366-6911 ext. 231. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

The Jacksonville Landing. 354-7747. $$$ CITY HALL PUB A sports bar vibe: 16 big-screen HDTVs. Angus burgers, dogs, sandwiches, AYCE wings buffet. FB. Free downtown area lunch delivery. L & D, daily. 234 Randolph Blvd. 356-6750. $$ DE REAL TING CAFE F The popular restaurant offers a Caribbean lunch buffet Tue.-Fri. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 128 W. Adams St. 633-9738. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT New location. See Beaches. FB, CM. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176. 374-1247. $$ INDOCHINE Best of Jax 2011 winner. Serving Thai and Southeast Asian cuisine in the core of downtown. Signature dishes include favorites like chicken Satay, soft shell crab, and mango and sticky rice for dessert. BW, FB, TO. L, Mon.Fri., D, Tue.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-5303. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE Family-owned-and-operated.

Jenkins offers beef, pork, chicken, homemade desserts. L & D, daily. 830 N. Pearl St. 353-6388. $ TRELLISES HYATT REGENCY This American cuisine restaurant offers a breakfast buffet with made-to-order omelet station and a la carte items. Signature lunch and dinner entrees include grouper salad, Angus burgers, Reubens, French onion grilled cheese, seafood and steaks.

Wed. night Pastabilities. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 225 East Coastline Dr. 634-4540. $$$ KOJA SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Sushi, Japanese, Asian and Korean cuisine. Indoor and outdoor dining and bar.

FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing. 350-9911. $$ NORTHSTAR SUBSTATION F This place features brick-ovenbaked pizzas, grinders, wings, Philly cheesesteaks, custom sandwiches and fries served in a laid-back setting. FB, 27 beers on draft. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 119 E. Bay St. 860-5451. $ OLIO MARKET F Freshly prepared sandwiches, salads, soups and entrées. In the Churchwell Lofts building, Olio partners eclectic tastes with Old World ambiance in a casual renovated space. L, Mon.-Fri.; late Art Walk. 301 E. Bay St. 356-7100. $$ THE SKYLINE DINING & CONFERENCE CENTER Weekday lunch includes salad bar, hot meals and a carving station.

L, Mon.-Fri.; L, Sun. upon request. FB. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 3550. 791-9797. $$ VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic Italian oven-baked pasta dishes, pizza, veal, chicken and seafood items made with fresh ingredients. CM, FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 174. 355-0064. $$ ZODIAC GRILL F Serving Mediterranean cuisine and American favorites, with a popular lunch buffet. FB. L & D, daily. 120 W. Adams St. 354-8283. $

FLEMING ISLAND

CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

406 Old Hard Road, Ste. 106. 213-7779. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F See Riverside. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 1915 East West Pkwy., 541-0009. $ HONEY B’S CAFE Breakfast includes omelets, pancakes, French toast. Lunch offers entrée salads, quiches, buildyour-own burgers. Peanut butter pie is a favorite. Tea parties every Sat. B & L, daily. 3535 U.S. 17, Ste. 8. 264-7325. $$ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100. 215-2223. $ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1800 Town Center Pkwy.

541-1999. $ MOJO SMOKEHOUSE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. FB. L & D, daily. 1810 Town Ctr. Blvd. 264-0636. $$ WHITEY’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The renowned seafood place, family-owned since 1963, specializes in AYCE freshwater catfish. Also steaks, pastas.

Outdoor waterfront dining. And you can get there by car, boat

or bike. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 2032 C.R. 220. 269-4198. $

INTRACOASTAL

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

14286 Beach Blvd. (at San Pablo Rd.) 223-0991. $ BIG DAWG’S SPORTS RESTAURANT F The family-friendly casual sports restaurant offers wings, burgers, sandwiches, wraps and specialty salads. Kids can choose from the Puppy Chow menu. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12630 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 551-3059. $$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA, PASTA, PANINIS F Brucci’s offers authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas and desserts in a family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36. 223-6913. $ CLIFF’S ROCKIN’ BAR-N-GRILL F Cliff’s features 8-ounce burgers, wings, steak, seafood, homemade pizza and daily specials. FB. L & D, daily. Smoking permitted. 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, Cobblestone Plaza. 645-5162. $$ GOOD FOOD COMPANY The fine-dining restaurant and full-service catering company emphasizes using quality raw ingredients to create menus based on local, seasonal and organic products, served in an elegant atmosphere. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 13475 Atlantic Blvd. 329-2407. $$ ISTANBUL MEDITERRANEAN & ITALIAN CUISINE F A varied menu offers European cuisine including lamb, beef and chicken dishes, as well as pizza and wraps. BW. L & D, daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 26. 220-9192. $$ JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE F The menu includes wings, hamburgers, Ahi tuna and handcut steaks.

CM, FB. Daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22. 220-6766. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Family-ownedand-operated, serving authentic Mexican cuisine, like tamales, fajitas, pork tacos, in a casual family atmosphere.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd. 992-1666. $ MILANO’S RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA Homemade Italian cuisine, breads, pizzas, calzones and specialty dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 646-9119. $$ THAI ORCHID F The restaurant serves authentic Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, including pad Thai, Thai curry dishes and rice dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 683-1286. $$ TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL F Wings, gourmet pizza, fresh seafood and specialty wraps. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5. 223-6999. $$

JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS

BLACKSTONE GRILLE The menu blends flavors from a variety of cultures and influences for modern American fusion cuisine, served in a bistro-style setting. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri., D, Sat.; Sun. brunch. 112 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 102.

287-0766. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F See Intracoastal. 540 S.R. 13, Ste. 10, Fruit Cove. 287-8317. $$ HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE F Wings, big salads, burgers, wraps and sandwiches. Sports events on HDTVs. CM, FB. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101. 683-1964. $ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk.

230-2171. $ VINO’S PIZZA Vino’s Pizza – with four Jacksonville locations – makes all their Italian and American dishes with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. 605 S.R. 13, Ste. 103. 230-6966. $ WAKAME JAPANESE & THAI CUISINE F The fine dining restaurant offers authentic Japanese and Thai cuisine, including a full sushi menu, curries and pad dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 108. 230-6688. $$

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 11190 San Jose Blvd. 260-4115. $ AW SHUCKS F The seafood place features an oyster bar, steaks, seafood, wings and pasta. Favorites are ahi tuna, shrimp & grits, oysters Rockefeller, pitas and kabobs. Sweet potato puffs are the signature side. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd. 240-0368. $$ THE BLUE CRAB CRABHOUSE F A Maryland-style crabhouse featuring fresh blue crabs, garlic crabs, and king, snow and Dungeness crab legs. FB, CM. D, Tue.-Sat.; L & D, Sun. 3057 Julington Creek Rd. 260-2722. $$ BROOKLYN PIZZA F The traditional pizzeria serves New York-style pizza, specialty pies, and subs, strombolis and calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 11406 San Jose Blvd. 288-9211.

13820 St. Augustine Rd. 880-0020. $ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield. L & D, daily. 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd. 619-8186. $$ CLARK’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Clark’s has steak, ribs, AYCE catfish dinners, 3-pound prime rib. Dine in, out or in a creek-view glass-enclosed room. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 12903 Hood Landing Rd. 268-3474. $$ DON JUAN’S RESTAURANT F Authentic Mexican dishes prepared daily from scratch, served in a casual atmosphere.

FB, CM. L & D, daily. 12373 San Jose Blvd. 268-8722. $$ GIGI’S RESTAURANT Breakfast buffet daily, lunch buffet weekdays. The Comedy Zone (Best of Jax 2011 winner) has an appetizer menu. FB. B, L & D, daily. I-295 & San Jose Blvd.

(Ramada Inn). 268-8080. $$ (Fri. & Sat. buffet, $$$)

Adverti GOLDEN CORRAL Family-friendly place; legendary buffet featuring familiar favorites and new items. B, L & D, daily.

11470 San Jose Blvd. 886-9699. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F See Southside. 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd. 288-8890. $$ HARMONIOUS MONKS The American-style steakhouse features a 9-oz. choice Angus center-cut filet topped with gorgonzola shiitake mushroom cream sauce, 8-oz. gourmet burgers, fall-off-the-bone ribs, wraps, sandwiches. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30. 880-3040. $$ KOBE JAPANESE RESTAURANT The fusion-style sushi restaurant offers oyster shooters, kobe beef shabu-shabu, Chilean sea bass and filet mignon. BW & sake. L & D, daily.

11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 8. 288-7999. $$ MAMA FU’S ASIAN HOUSE MSG-free pan-Asian cuisine prepared to order in woks using fresh ingredients. Authentic Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 11105 San Jose Blvd. 260-1727. $$ MANDARIN ALE HOUSE Laid-back atmosphere; 30-plus beers on tap. FB. L & D, daily. 11112 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 19.

292-0003. $$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

12807 San Jose Blvd. 638-6185. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Organic supermarket with full deli and salad bar serving wraps, quesadillas, chopped salads, vegetarian dishes. Fresh juice and smoothie bar. Indoor and outdoor seating. Mon.-Sat. 10000 San Jose Blvd. 260-6950. $ PICASSO’S PIZZERIA F Specializes in hand-tossed gourmet pizza, calzones, homemade New York-style cheesecake and handmade pasta. Fresh local seafood and steaks. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 10503 San Jose Blvd. 880-0811. $$ SIMPLE FAIRE F Breakfast and lunch favorites, featuring Boar’s Head meats and cheeses served on fresh bread. Daily specials. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3020 Hartley Rd. 683-2542. $$ TANK’S FAMILY BAR-B-Q Owned and operated by the Tankersley family, the barbecue place offers made-fromscratch Southern-style fare, featuring their own sauces.

CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 11701 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 23.

351-8265. $$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 4268 Oldfield Crossing Dr. 268-6660. $ WHOLE FOODS MARKET F 100+ prepared items at a fullservice and self-service hot bar, soup bar, dessert bar. Madeto-order Italian specialties from a brick oven pizza hearth. L & D, daily. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22. 288-1100. $$

ORANGE PARK

ARON’S PIZZA F The family-owned restaurant offers eggplant dishes, manicotti and New York-style pizza. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 650 Park Ave. 269-1007. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F For 18-plus years, the sports-themed family restaurant has served wings, ribs, entrees, sandwiches.

FB. L & D, daily. 9680 Argyle Forest Blvd. 425-6466. $$ THE HILLTOP CLUB She-crab soup, scallops, prime beef, wagyu beef, chicken Florentine, stuffed grouper. Chef Nick’s salmon is a favorite. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. 2030 Wells Rd. 272-5959. $$ JOEY MOZARELLAS The Italian restaurant’s specialty is a 24-slice pizza: 18”x26” of fresh ingredients and sauces made daily. CM, TO. L & D, daily. 930 Blanding Blvd. 579-4748. $$ PASTA MARKET & CLAM BAR F Family-owned-andoperated. Gourmet pizza, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. The pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine, lasagna, calzones, linguini, ravioli, made with fresh ingredients, homemadestyle. Daily specials. CM, BW, sangria. 1930 Kingsley Ave. 276-9551. D, nightly. $$ POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA F Pizzas are baked in coal-fired ovens. Popular pizzas include Health Choice and Mozzarella. Coal-fired sandwiches and wings, too. BW. L & D, daily. 2134 Park Ave. 264-6116. $$ THE ROADHOUSE F Burgers, wings, deli sandwiches and popular lunches are served. FB. L & D, daily. 231 Blanding Blvd. 264-0611. $ THAI GARDEN F Traditional Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, served in a relaxed atmosphere. Curry dishes and specialty selections with authentic Thai flavors. BW. L, Mon.Fri.; D, nightly. 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. A. 272-8434. $$

PONTE VEDRA, NE ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA F See Beaches. BW. L & D, daily. 635 A1A. 543-1494. $ AQUA GRILL Upscale cuisine includes fresh seafood, Angus steaks, Maine lobster, vegetarian dishes. Outdoor patio seating. FB. L, Mon.-Sat.; D, nightly. 950 Sawgrass Village Dr. 285-3017. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F Authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas, paninis, desserts. Family atmosphere. CM. L & D, daily. 880 A1A, Ste. 8. 280-7677. $$ CAFFE ANDIAMO Traditional Italian cuisine features fresh seafood, veal, homemade pastas and wood-fired pizza prepared in a copper clad oven. An extensive wine list is offered in a cosmopolitan atmosphere. Dine indoors or Out on the terrace. L & D, daily. 500 Sawgrass Village. 280-2299. $$$ LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE F On the Intracoastal Waterway, LuLu’s can be reached by car or by boat. Seafood,

steaks and pasta dishes with a sophisticated flair. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 301 N. Roscoe Blvd. 285-0139. $$ NINETEEN AT TPC SAWGRASS In Sawgrass’ Tournament Players Club, Nineteen features more than 230 wines and freshly prepared American and Continental cuisine, including local seafood, served inside or al fresco on the verandah. L & D, daily. 110 Championship Way. 273-3235. $$$ PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE F Freshly prepared Caribbean cuisine, including red snapper Ponte Vedra Jamaican grilled pork ribs and barbecued salmon tower. Tropical rum drinks feature Pusser’s Painkiller. FB. L & D, daily. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100. 280-7766. L, $$; D, $$ RESTAURANT MEDURE Chef Matthew Medure offers eclectic cuisine featuring local and imported seafood with Southern and Asian influences. F/B. D, Mon.-Sat. 818 A1A N. 543-3797. $$$ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 8141 A1A. 285-0014. $$$$ 619 OCEAN VIEW Dining with a Mediterranean touch, featuring fresh seafood, steaks and nightly specials. FB, CM. D, Wed.-Sun. 619 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Cabana Beach Club.

285-6198. $$$ URBAN FLATS See St. Johns Town Center. FB. L & D, daily.

330 A1A N. 280-5515. $$

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

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AJ’S ON PARK STREET F AJ’s is a casual barbecue spot serving smoked St. Louis-style ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, seafood and dishes made with a Latin touch. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 630 Park St. 359-0035. $$ ALPHADOG GRILL F This brand-new place in For fun questions, please call your advertising representative at Riverside features gourmet hot dogs — like Ragin’ Cajun FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 (andouille sausage covered in jambalaya) and The Hippie (veggie dog) — and sausages, grilled chicken wraps, soups, salads, appetizers and wings. Lpromise & D, daily. BW. of2782 benefit sUpport Ask for Action Park St. 374-8715. $ AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 1620 Margaret St. 388-8384. $ BAKERY MODERNE F The neighborhood bakery offers classic pastries, artisanal breads, seasonal favorites, all made from scratch, including popular petit fours and custom cakes.

B & L, daily. 869 Stockton St., Ste. 6, Riverside. 389-7117. $ CARMINE’S PIE HOUSE F The Italian eatery serves pizza by the slice, gourmet pizzas, appetizers, classic Italian dishes — calzone, stromboli, subs, panini — wings, and microbrews in a casual atmosphere. BW, CM, TO. 2677 Forbes St. 387-1400. $$ COOL MOOSE F Classic sandwiches, eclectic wraps and desserts. An extensive gourmet coffee menu with Green Mountain coffees and frozen coffee drinks. B & L, daily.

Brunch, Sun. 2708 Park St. 381-4242. $ CROSS CREEK See Springfield. 850 S. Lane Ave. 783-9579. $$ EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 2753 Park St. 384-9999. $ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 6677 103rd St., Westside, 777-6135. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F A deli, organic and natural grocery, and juice & smoothie bar offers teas, coffees, gourmet cheeses; natural, organic and raw items. Grab-andgo sandwiches, salads and sides. Craft beers, organic wines.

B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 2007 Park St. 384-4474. $ HJ’S BAR & GRILL Traditional American fare: burgers, sandwiches, wraps and platters of ribs, shrimp and fish. CM, FB. L & D, Sat. & Sun., D, Mon.-Fri. 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., Ste. 1. 317-2783. $$ HOVAN MEDITERRANEAN GOURMET F Dine inside or on the patio. Mediterranean entrées include lamb, and beef gyros. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 2005-1 Park St. 381-9394. $ JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILL F A Riverside tradition, serving 60+ fresh deli and grill items, including hot sandwiches. L, Mon.-Fri. 474 Riverside Ave. 356-8055. $ KICKBACKS GASTROPUB F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood hot spot serves pub favorites 20 hours a day, every day. The full bar has over 655 bottled beers, 84 on tap.

Outdoor seating. CM. 910 King St. 388-9551. $$ MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BBQ Smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs. Homemade-style sides include green beans, baked beans, red cole slaw, collards. BW, CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551. $$ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Amelia Island. 1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 389-4442. $ MOSSFIRE GRILL F Southwestern menu with ahi tuna tacos, goat cheese enchiladas and gouda quesadillas. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1537 Margaret St. 355-4434. $$ O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB F Innovative Irish fare and traditional faves are offered, like lambburger with Stilton crust, Guinness mac & cheese, Shepherd’s pie and fish-nchips — plus 18 beers on tap. L, daily except Mon.; D, daily.

CM, FB. 1521 Margaret St. 854-9300. $$ PERARD’S PIZZA & ITALIAN CUISINE F Traditional Italian fare is prepared with fresh sauces and dough made from scratch daily, along with a large selection of gourmet pizza toppings. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 11043 Crystal Springs Rd., Ste. 2. 378-8131. $

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RAINTREE Located in a Victorian home, Raintree offers a menu with contemporary and traditional international influences. Extensive wine list. FB. D, daily. 102 San Marco Ave. 824-7211. $$$ THE REEF RESTAURANT F Casual oceanfront place with a view from every table. Fresh local seafood, steak, pasta dishes and daily chef specials. Outdoor dining. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily. 4100 Coastal Hwy. A1A, Vilano Beach. 824-8008. $$ SOUTH BEACH GRILL Located off A1A, the two-story beachy destination offers casual oceanfront dining and fresh local seafood. Dine indoors or out on a beachfront deck. FB. B, L & D daily. 45 Cubbedge Road, Crescent Beach. 471-8700. $ SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE In the historic district, Spy features James Bond-themed sushi and Mediterranean-influenced global cuisine on the seasonal menu, including fresh — never frozen — Hawaiian seafood.

Dine indoors or out on the patio. Upstairs lounge, too. Great selection of chilled sakes. BW, CM. D, nightly. 21 Hypolita St. 819-5637. $$$ SUNSET GRILLE Seafood-heavy menu, consistent Great Chowder Debate winner. Specialties are baby back ribs, lobster ravioli, coconut shrimp, datil pepper wings. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 421 A1A Beach Blvd. 471-5555. $$$ THE TASTING ROOM, WINE & TAPAS Owned by Michael Lugo, the upscale contemporary Spanish restaurant fuses innovative tapas with an extensive wine list. L, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 25 Cuna St. 810-2400. $$

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

The newly opened Good Food Company is a fine-dining establishment using fresh, mostly local ingredients to create seasonal dishes, on Atlantic Boulevard just west of the Intracoastal Waterway.

PERFECT RACK BILLIARDS F Upscale billiards hall has burgers, steak, deli sandwiches, wings. Family-friendly, non-smoking. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 1186 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill. 738-7645. $ PIZZA PALACE ON PARK F See San Marco. Outdoor seating.

920 Margaret St., 5 Points. 598-1212. $$ SAKE HOUSE F Japanese grill and sushi bar features sushi, sashimi, katsu, tempura, hibachi and specialty rolls. CM, BW, sake. L & D, daily. 824 Lomax St. 301-1188. $$ SUMO SUSHI F Authentic Japanese fare, traditional to entrees and sushi rolls, spicy sashimi salad, gyoza (pork dumpling), tobiko (flying fish roe), Rainbow roll (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, Calif. roll). BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2726 Park St. 388-8838. $$ SUSHI CAFÉ The café in Riverside Publix Plaza features a variety of sushi, including the popular Monster Roll and the Jimmy Smith Roll, along with faves like Rock-n-Roll and Dynamite Roll. Sushi Café also offers hibachi, tempura, katsu and teriyaki. BW. Dine indoors or on the patio. L & D, daily.

2025 Riverside Ave. 384-2888. $$ TASTI D-LITE Health-conscious desserts include smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cakes and pies, made with fresh ingredients with fewer calories and less fat. More than 100 flavors. Open daily. 1024 Park St. 900-3040. $ TWO DOORS DOWN F Traditional faves: hotcakes, omelets, burgers, pork chops, liver & onions, fried chicken, sides and desserts. CM, TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 436 Park St. 598-0032. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE buffet. Sushi bar, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, steak, seafood. BW. L & D, daily. 1014 Margaret St., Ste. 1, 5 Points. 301-1199. $$

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS F The Ancient City’s only brew pub taps seven hand-crafted ales and lagers. A1A specializes in innovative New World cuisine. FB. L & D, daily. 1 King St. 829-2977. $$ AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT F A family-owned-andoperated Italian restaurant offers traditional pasta, veal, steak and seafood dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1915B A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-0102. $$ ANN O’MALLEY’S F Fresh handmade sandwiches, soups, salads and perfectly poured Guinness. Favorites include Reubens and chicken salad. CM, BW, Irish beers on tap. L & D, daily. 23 Orange St. 825-4040. $$ BARNACLE BILL’S F For 30 years, the family restaurant has served seafood, oysters, gator tail, steak and fried shrimp. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily; 14 Castillo Drive, 824-3663. $$ THE BLACK MOLLY BAR & GRILL Fresh, local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes in a casual atmosphere. FB, CM. L & D daily.

504 Geoffrey St., Cobblestone Plaza. 547-2723. $$ BORRILLO’S PIZZA & SUBS F Specialty pizzas are Borrillo’s Supreme (extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage), white and vegetarian pizzas. Subs and pasta dinners. L & D, daily. 88 San Marco Ave. 829-1133. $ CAFÉ ATLANTICO Traditional and new Italian dishes served in an intimate space. Master Chef Paolo Pece prepares risotto alla pescatora, with shrimp, scallops and seasonal shellfish, in a parmesan cheese basket. BW. D, nightly. 647 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-7332. $$$ CAFÉ ELEVEN F Serving eclectic cuisine like feta spinach egg croissant, apple turkey sandwich, pear-berry salad. Daily chef creations. BW. B, L & D, daily. 501 A1A Beach Blvd.

36 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

460-9311. B, $; L & D, $$ CAP’S ON THE WATER F The Vilano Beach mainstay offers coastal cuisine – tapas platters, cioppino, fresh local shrimp, raw oyster bar – indoors or on an oak-shaded deck. Boat access. FB. L, Fri.-Sun., D, nightly. 4325 Myrtle St., Vilano Beach. 824-8794. $$ CARMELO’S PIZZERIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic New York style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh baked sub rolls, Boars Head meats and cheeses, fresh salads, calzones, strombolis and sliced pizza specials. BW. L & D, daily. 146 King St. 494-6658. $$ CELLAR 6 ART GALLERY & WINE BAR Wolfgang Puck coffees, handmade desserts and light bistro-style fare amid local art. BW. Mon.-Sat. 6 Aviles St. 827-9055. $$ CREEKSIDE DINERY Creekside serves beef, chicken and seafood, with an emphasis on low-country cooking. Outdoor deck with a fire pit. FB. D, nightly. 160 Nix Boatyard Rd. 829-6113. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

3 St. George St. 824-6993. $ THE FLORIDIAN The downtown restaurant serves innovative Southern fare, made with local farmers’ local food. Signature items: fried green tomato bruschetta, ’N’grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. L & D, Wed.-Mon. 39 Cordova St. 829-0655. $$ GYPSY CAB COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

International menu features large portions, reasonable prices.

FB. L & D, daily. 828 Anastasia Blvd. 824-8244. $$ HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE F In a historic, two-story house, the New Orleans-style eatery has fresh seafood, steaks, jambalaya, etouffée and shrimp. FB. L & D, daily. 46 Avenida Menendez. 824-7765. $$ KINGFISH GRILL At Vilano Bridge’s west end, Kingfish Grill offers casual waterside dining indoors and on the deck, featuring fresh daily catch, house specialties and sushi. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 252 Yacht Club Drive. 824-2111. $$ KINGS HEAD BRITISH PUB F Authentic Brit pub serves fish & chips, Cornish pastie and steak & kidney pie. Tap beers are Guinness, Newcastle and Bass. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 6460 U.S. 1 (4 miles N. of St. Augustine Airport.) 823-9787. $$ THE MANATEE CAFÉ F Serving healthful cuisine using organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes. B & L, daily. 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 106, Westgate Plaza. 826-0210. $ MANGO MANGO’S BEACHSIDE BAR & GRILL F Caribbean kitchen has comfort food with a tropical twist: coconut shrimp and fried plantains. BW, CM. Outdoor dining. 700 A1A Beach Blvd., (A Street access) St. Augustine Beach. 461-1077. $$ MILL TOP TAVERN F A St. Auggie institution housed in an 1884 building, serving nachos, soups, sandwiches and daily specials. Dine inside or on open-air decks. At the big mill wheel. FB. L & D, daily. 19 1/2 St. George St. 829-2329. $$ OASIS RESTAURANT & DECK F Just a block from the ocean, with a tropical atmosphere and open-air deck. Steamed oysters, crab legs, burgers. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 4000 A1A & Ocean Trace Rd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-3424. $ THE PRESENT MOMENT CAFÉ Best of Jax 2011 winner. The cozy café serves organic, vegan and vegetarian dishes, pizza, pastas, hummus and milkshakes — all prepared without meat, dairy, wheat or an oven. Organic BW. TO. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat. 224 W. King St. 827-4499. $ PURPLE OLIVE INTERNATIONAL BISTRO F Family-ownedand-operated, offering specials, fresh artisan breads. Soups, salad dressings and desserts made from scratch. BW. D, Tue.Sat. 4255 A1A S., Ste. 6, St. Augustine Beach. 461-1250. $$

BAHAMA BREEZE ISLAND GRILLE Fresh seafood, chicken, flame-grilled steaks and hand-crafted tropical drinks made with flavorful ingredients inspired by the Caribbean. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10205 River Coast Dr. 646-1031. $$$ BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE With four dining rooms, BlackFinn offers classic American fare: beef, seafood, pasta, chicken, flatbread sandwiches. Dine indoors or on the patio.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 4840 Big Island Dr. 345-3466. $$ CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR F Casual fine dining.

The menu blends modern American favorites served with international flair. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 9823 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 1. 619-1931. $$$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11. 646-2874. $ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner.

13249 City Square Dr., 751-9711. 9039 Southside Blvd., 538-9100. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 401, 996-6900. $ THE FLAME BROILER Serving food with no transfat, MSG, frying, or skin on meat. Fresh veggies, steamed brown or white rice along with grilled beef, chicken and Korean short ribs are featured. CM, TO. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 103. 619-2786. $ ISLAND GIRL WINE & CIGAR BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Upscale tropical vibe. Walk-in humidor, pairing apps and desserts with 25 wines, ports by the glass. 220+ wines by the bottle; draft, bottled beer. L & D, daily. 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115. 854-6060. $$ JOHNNY ANGELS F The menu reflects its ’50s-style décor, including Blueberry Hill pancakes, Fats Domino omelet, Elvis special combo platter. Shakes, malts. B, L & D, daily. 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120. 997-9850. $ LIBRETTO’S PIZZERIA & ITALIAN KITCHEN F Authentic NYC pizzeria serves Big Apple crust, cheese and sauce, along with third-generation family-style Italian classics, fresh-from-theoven calzones, and desserts in a casual, comfy setting. L & D, daily. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 402-8888. $$ LIME LEAF F Authentic Thai cuisine: fresh papaya salad, pad Thai, mango sweet rice. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Cir., Stes. 108 & 109. 645-8568. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Tossed spring water dough, lean meats, veggies and vegetarian choices make up specialty pizzas, hoagies and calzones. FB. L & D, daily. 9734 Deer Lake Court (at Tinseltown). 997-1955. mellowmushroom.com $ MITCHELL’S FISH MARKET F A changing menu of more than 180 items includes cedar-roasted Atlantic salmon and seared salt-and-pepper tuna. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 5205 Big Island Dr., St. Johns Town Ctr. 645-3474. $$$ MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT Best of Jax 2011 winner. Non-fat, low-calorie, cholesterol-free frozen yogurt is served in flavors that change weekly. Toppings include a variety of fruit and nuts. 4860 Big Island Dr. 807-9292. $ THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE F The recipes, unique to the Pancake House, call for only the freshest ingredients. CM. B, L & D, daily. 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr. 997-6088. $$ OTAKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE F Family-owned with an open sushi bar, hibachi grill tables and an open kitchen. Dine indoor or out. FB, CM, TO. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 7860 Gate Parkway, Stes. 119-122. 854-0485. $$$ RENNA’S PIZZA F Renna’s serves up New York-style pizza, calzones, subs and lasagna made from authentic Italian recipes. Delivery, CM, BW. 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 125, St. Johns Town Center. 565-1299. rennaspizza.com $$ SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY F Innovative menu of fresh local grilled seafood, sesame tuna, grouper Oscar, chicken, steak and pizza. Microbrewed ales and lagers. FB. L & D, daily. 9735 Gate Pkwy. N. 997-1999. $$ SOUTHSIDE ALE HOUSE F Steaks, seafood, sandwiches.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9711 Deer Lake Court. 565-2882. $$ STEAMERS CAFE F Steamers’ menu has all-natural and organic items, including wraps, sandwiches, subs, soups, steamer bowls, smoothies and fresh juices. Daily lunch specials. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4320 Deerwood Lake Parkway, Ste. 106. 646-4527. $ SUITE Best of Jax 2011 winner. St. Johns Town Center premium lounge and restaurant offer chef-driven small plates and an extensive list of specialty cocktails, served in a sophisticated atmosphere. FB. D & late-nite, nightly. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 493-9305. $$ TAVERNA YAMAS The Greek restaurant serves char-broiled kabobs, seafood and traditional Greek wines and desserts. FB. L & D daily. 9753 Deer Lake Court. 854-0426. $$ URBAN FLATS F Ancient world-style flatbread is paired with fresh regional and seasonal ingredients in wraps, flatwiches and entrées, served in a casual, urban atmosphere. An international wine list is offered. CM. FB. L & D, daily. 9726 Touchton Road. 642-1488. $$ WASABI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Authentic Japanese cuisine, teppanyaki shows and a full sushi menu.

CM. L & D, daily. 10206 River Coast Dr. 997-6528. $$ WHISKY RIVER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. At St. Johns Town Center’s Plaza, Whisky River features wings, pizza, wraps, sandwiches and burgers served in a lively car racing-themed atmosphere (Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s the owner). FB. CM. L & D, daily. 4850 Big Island Drive. 645-5571. $$ WILD WING CAFÉ F Serving up 33 flavors of wings, as well as soups, sandwiches, wraps, ribs, platters and burgers. FB. 4555 Southside Blvd. 998-9464. $$ YUMMY SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Teriyaki, tempura, hibachi-style dinners, sushi & sashimi. Sushi lunch roll special.

BW, sake. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd. 998-8806. $$

SAN JOSE

ATHENS CAFÉ F Serving authentic Greek cuisine: lamb, seafood, veal and pasta dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7. 733-1199. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1. 737-2874. $ DICK’S WINGS F NASCAR-themed family style sports place serves wings, buffalo tenders, burgers and chicken sandwiches. CM. BW. L & D, daily. 1610 University Blvd. W. 448-2110. dickswingsandgrill.com $ MOJO BAR-B-QUE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Southern Blues kitchen serves pulled pork, brisket and North Carolinastyle barbecue. TO, BW. L & D, daily. 1607 University Blvd. W. 732-7200. $$

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL THAI & SUSHI F Offering Thai cuisine, including pad Thai and curry dishes, and sushi in a relaxing atmosphere. L & D, Mon.-Sat. BW. 1004 Hendricks Ave. 674-0190. $$ b.b.’s F Best of Jax 2011 winner. A bistro menu is served in an upscale atmosphere, featuring almond-crusted calamari, tuna tartare and wild mushroom pizza. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri.; brunch & D, Sat. 1019 Hendricks Ave. 306-0100. $$$ BISTRO AIX F French, Mediterranean-inspired fare, awardwinning wines, wood-fired pizzas, house-made pastas, steaks, seafood. Indoor, outdoor dining. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 1440 San Marco Blvd. 398-1949. $$$ CHECKER BBQ & SEAFOOD F Chef Art Jennette serves barbecue, seafood and comfort food, including pulled-pork, fried white shrimp and fried green tomatoes. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3566 St. Augustine Rd. 398-9206. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Big sandwiches, soups, desserts and more than 100 bottled and on-tap beers. BW. L & D, daily. 1704 San Marco Blvd.

398-9500. $ THE GROTTO F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Wine by the glass. Tapas-style menu offers a cheese plate, empanadas bruschetta, chocolate fondue. BW. 2012 San Marco Blvd.

398-0726. $$ HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE F Authentic Latin American fine dining: picadillo, ropa vieja, churrasco tenderloin steak, Cuban sandwiches. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, FB. 2578 Atlantic Blvd. 399-0609. $ LAYLA’S OF SAN MARCO Fine dining in the heart of San Marco. Traditional Middle Eastern cuisine, served inside or outside on the hookah and cigar patio. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat.; D, Sun. 2016 Hendricks Ave. 398-4610. $$ MATTHEW’S Chef’s tasting menu or seasonal à la carte menu featuring an eclectic mix of Mediterranean ingredients. Dress is business casual, jackets optional. FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 2107 Hendricks Ave. 396-9922. $$$$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Historic 1930s diner offers award-winning breakfast and lunch. Fresh seafood and Southern cooking. Bring your own wine. B & L, daily. 3302 Hendricks Ave. 398-3701. $$ THE OLIVE TREE MEDITERRANEAN GRILLE F Mediterranean homestyle healthy plates: hummus, tebouleh, grape leaves, gyros, potato salad, kibbeh, spinach pie, Greek salad, daily specials. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 1705 Hendricks Ave. 396-2250. $$ PIZZA PALACE F All homemade from Mama’s awardwinning recipes: spinach pizza and chicken-spinach calzones.

BW. L & D, daily. 1959 San Marco Blvd. 399-8815. $$ PULP F The juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt,

Advertising pro teas, coffees; 30 kinds of smoothies, with flavored soy milks, organic frozen yogurt, granola. Daily. 1962 San Marco Blvd.

396-9222. $ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Consistent Best of Jax winner.

Midwestern prime beef, fresh seafood, upscale atmosphere.

FB. D, daily. 1201 Riverplace Blvd. 396-6200. $$$$ SAKE HOUSE See Riverside. 1478 Riverplace Blvd.

306-2188. $$ SAN MARCO DELI F Independently owned & operated classic diner serves grilled fish, turkey burgers. Vegetarian options. Mon.-Sat. 1965 San Marco Blvd. 399-1306. $ TAVERNA Tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitan-style woodfired pizzas and entrées are served in a rustic yet upscale interior. BW, TO. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 1986 San Marco Blvd.

398-3005. $$$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. This location offers a lunch buffet. L & D, daily. 1430 San Marco Blvd. 683-2444. $

SOUTHSIDE

AROMAS BEER HOUSE Offers customer favorites like ahi tuna with a sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger, triple-meat French dip. FB. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

928-0515. $$ BISTRO 41° F Casual dining features fresh, homemade breakfast and lunch dishes in a relaxing atmosphere. TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3563 Philips Hwy., Ste. 104. 446-9738. $ BLUE BAMBOO Contemporary Asian-inspired cuisine includes rice-flour calamari, seared Ahi tuna, pad Thai. Street eats: barbecue duck, wonton crisps. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 3820 Southside Blvd. 646-1478. $$ BOMBA’S SOUTHERN HOME COOKING F Bomba’s serves Southern homestyle fare, featuring fresh veggies. Outside dining is available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8560 Beach Blvd.

997-2291. $$ BUCA DI BEPPO Italian dishes served family-style in an eclectic, vintage setting. Half-pound meatballs are a specialty.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10334 Southside Blvd. 363-9090. $$$ EL POTRO F Family-friendly, casual El Potro has fresh, made-to-order fare. Daily specials, buffet most locations.

BW. L & D, daily. 5871 University Blvd. W., 733-0844. 11380 Beach Blvd., 564-9977. elpotrorestaurant.com $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 5500 Beach Blvd. 398-1717. $ GENE’S SEAFOOD F Serving fresh Mayport shrimp, fish, oysters, scallops, gator tail, steaks and combos. L & D, daily.

11702 Beach Blvd. 997-9738. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F A local institution since 1975 serving house-baked pita bread, kabobs, falafel and daily lunch buffet. TO, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4323 University Blvd.

S. 733-5141. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 2025 Emerson St. 346-3770. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8206 Philips Hwy. 732-9433. $ SAKE SUSHI F The new restaurant offers sushi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, katsu, donburi and noodle soups. Popular rolls include Fuji Yama, Ocean Blue and Fat Boy. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy., Ste. 31. 647-6000. $$ SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE F The stylish gastropub has Southern-style cuisine made with a modern twist: Dishes are paired with international wines and beers, including a

large selection of craft and IPA brews. FB. L & D, daily. 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16. 538-0811. $$ SUNSET 30 TAVERN & GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Located in Latitude 30, Sunset 30 serves familiar favorites, including seafood, steaks, sandwiches, burgers, chicken, pasta and pizza. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily.

10370 Philips Hwy. 365-5555. $$ THE THIRSTY IGUANA CANTINA TAQUERIA Classic Mexican promise of benefit fare includes quesadillas, tacos, burritos, chimichangas, enchiladas and fajitas, as well as some killer nacho choices, made with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. TO, FB, CM. 7605 Beach Blvd. 647-7947. $$ TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA F Premium New York-style pizza from a brick-oven — the area’s original gluten-free pizzeria. Plus calzones, soups and salads; Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses and Boylan soda. BW. L & D, Mon.Sat. 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2. 565-1999. $$ URBAN ORGANICS The local produce co-op offers seasonal fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Mon.-Sat. 5325 Fairmont St. 398-8012. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE sushi and two teppanyaki grill items are included in buffet price. FB. L & D, daily. 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C. 363-9888. $$

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SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BOSTON’S RESTAURANT & SPORTSBAR F A full menu of sportsbar faves; pizzas till 2 a.m. Dine inside or on the patio. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13070 City Station Dr., River City Marketplace. 751-7499. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The family-owned restaurant serves authentic Mexican fare, including fajitas and seafood. The specialty is tacos de azada. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104. 757-6411. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 5945 New Kings Rd. 765-8515. $ JOSEPH’S PIZZA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT F Gourmet pizzas, pastas. Authentic Italian entrees. BW. L & D, daily.

7316 N. Main St. 765-0335. $$ MILLHOUSE STEAKHOUSE F A locally-owned-and-operated steakhouse with choice steaks from the signature broiler, and seafood, pasta, Millhouse gorgonzola, homemade desserts.

CM, FB. D, nightly. 1341 Airport Rd. 741-8722. $$ SALSARITA’S FRESH CANTINA F Southwest cuisine made from scratch; family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily.

840 Nautica Dr., Ste. 131, River City Marketplace. 696-4001. $ SAVANNAH BISTRO Low Country Southern fare with a twist of Mediterranean and French inspiration, offered in a relaxing atmosphere at Crowne Plaza Airport. Favorites include crab cakes, NY strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 14670 Duval Rd. 741-4404. $-$$$ THREE LAYERS CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Lunch, bagels, desserts, and the adjacent Cellar serves fine wines.

Inside and courtyard dining. BW. B, L & D, daily. 1602 Walnut St., Springfield. 355-9791. $ 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL F Salads, sandwiches, pizza, fine European cuisine. Nightly specials. 2467 Faye Rd., Northside. 647-8625. $$ UPTOWN MARKET F In the 1300 Building at the corner of Third & Main, serving fresh fare made with the same élan that rules Burrito Gallery. Innovative breakfast, lunch and deli selections. BW, TO. 1303 Main St. N. 355-0734. $$

© 2012

Check out a video of Folio Weekly’s BITE CLUB meeting at Taverna Yamas in Tinseltown at http://bit.ly/w00caN.

WINE TASTINGS ANJO LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Thur. 9928 Old Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-2656 AROMAS CIGAR & WINE BAR Call for schedule. 4372 Southside Blvd., 928-0515 BLUE BAMBOO 5:30-7:30 p.m., every first Thur. 3820 Southside Blvd., 646-1478 COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE 6-8 p.m. every Wed. 1712 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-4776 DAMES POINT MARINA Every 3rd Wed. 4518 Irving Rd., Northside, 751-3043 THE GIFTED CORK Tastings daily. 64 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 810-1083 THE GROTTO 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726 MONKEY’S UNCLE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1850 S. Third St., Jax Beach, 246-1070 NORTH BEACH BISTRO 6-8 p.m. every Tue. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 OCEAN 60 6-8 p.m every Mon. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 O’KANE’S IRISH PUB 6:30 p.m. every 3rd Tue. 318 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 261-1000 PUSSERS CARIBBEAN GRILL 6 p.m. every second Fri. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766

RIVERSIDE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1035 Park St., Five Points, 356-4517 THE TASTING ROOM 6-8 p.m. every first Tue. 25 Cuna St., St. Augustine, 810-2400 TASTE OF WINE Daily. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Atlantic Beach, 246-5080 TIM’S WINE MARKET 5 p.m. every Fri., noon every Sat. 278 Solana Rd., Ponte Vedra, 686-1741 128 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach, 461-0060 III FORKS PRIME STEAKHOUSE 5-6:30 p.m. every Mon. 9822 Tapestry Circle, Ste. 111, SJTC, 928-9277 TOTAL WINE & MORE Noon-6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 300, 998-1740 URBAN FLATS 5-8 p.m. every Wed. 9726 Touchton Rd., Tinseltown, 642-1488 WHOLE FOODS MARKET 6 p.m. every Thur. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 288-1100 THE WINE BAR 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0211 WINE WAREHOUSE 4-7 p.m. every Fri. 665 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-6450 4434 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 448-6782 1188 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 389-9997 4085 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach, 471-9900

© 2011

February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 37

Jesus Was Way Cool

Part-time Devon, England, vicar Gavin Tyte, who serves churches in Uplyme and Axmouth, recently produced a rap video of the Nativity, in which he plays a shepherd, an angel and the narrator. Sample lyrics (about Mary placing her baby in a cattle trough and angels calming frightened shepherds): “No hotel, motel, custom baby-changer / She wrapped the baby up and laid him in a manger” and “Chill out, my friends, there’s no need for trepidation / Got a message for the world, and it’s elation information.”

Government in Action!

© 2012

FolioWeekly

Apparently, not only will there be fewer overall resources for disabled people in Greece (due to government austerity), but the resources will be spread over more recipients. The Labor Ministry in January expanded the category of eligible “disabled” (with reduced-amount payments) to include pyromaniacs, compulsive gamblers, fetishists, sadomasochists, pedophiles, exhibitionists and kleptomaniacs.

The National Confederation of Disabled People said the changes would inevitably reduce funds available for the blind and the crippled and other traditional categories of need.

Even with schoolteacher layoffs nationally, the Buffalo, N.Y., school system still covers teachers’ cosmetic surgery costs. The benefit was established in the calmer 1970s, and no one, it seems, anticipated the facelift and liposuction crazes that developed. The annual expense in recent years, for about 500 benefittakers, has been from $5-$9 million (equal to average salaries of at least 100 teachers).

The teachers’ union said it’s willing to give up the benefit in a new collective bargaining agreement, but a quirk in New York law lessens the incentive of teachers to negotiate such a contract (in that the current, highly lucrative contract remains in force until replaced).

In February, Kenneth Gunn, of the U.K.’s Scottish Borders Council, decried budget cutbacks that closed local offices that previously posted marriage notices. By making it harder for the public to be aware of specific marriages, Gunn feared an inevitable increase in incest. “I am aware in my own ward of brothers sitting beside sisters they do not know in primary school.” The problem is more serious in Iceland, whose 300,000 people are far more self-contained. However, a new website with genealogical data going back 1,200 years is expected to help reduce the risk of incest.

Great Art!

But, Why? Two British designers (who claim they had the idea independently and learned of the other only after they finished) recently produced elegant pieces using parts from a 2012 Ford Focus. Judy Clark made a dress and a biker jacket adorned with car keys, radio and dashboard components, seat covers, a speedometer and red taillights. Katherine Hawkins created a necklace using dials, springs, buttons, seat materials and instrument panel switches.

Swiss artist Christoph Buchel has secured local permits to bury a Boeing 727 38 feet under a patch of California’s Mojave Desert, near Bakersfield. Visitors take a tunnel down to tour the 153-foot-long plane.

38 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

In February, a German court awarded artist Stefan Bohnenberger about $2,600 from the Munich gallery that previously housed his work, “Pommes d’Or”: two ordinary french fries contrasted with two golden-leafed ones.

The gallery returned the golden-leafed ones but claimed it couldn’t find the ordinary fries, and, anyway, pointed out they were nothing but old french fries.

Police Report

Police officers are generally forbidden to engage in sex acts in order to gather evidence.

Thus, a scandal erupted in the U.K. in January when The Guardian revealed two undercover officers had fathered children (to enhance their credibility) while infiltrating protest groups beginning in the 1980s. After two women learned in late 2011 who their kids’ fathers really were, they filed lawsuits against the responsible police agencies. In Sydney, Australia, a state contractor operated under no such restriction when it hired a brothel inspector in January. Brothels are legal and regulated in Sydney, and if off-books facilities are providing sex illegally, the inspector can testify from first-hand knowledge.

Mayor Jim Preacher of Norway, S.C., was pulled over by a state trooper in January for speeding. Preacher was unable to convince the trooper his speeding was necessary in the performance of a mayoral duty, and their encounter apparently ended bitterly. As soon as the trooper drove off, the mayor turned on his own blue lights, chased the trooper down and accused the trooper of speeding. Norway disbanded its police department last year. The question remains: Does the mayor have police powers?

The Price Is Right: Misty Kullman, 25, was arrested for prostitution in Shelby, N.C., in January after police stopped a man who said Kullman performed an act for the agreed-upon price of $6. The man said he paid Kullman with a $2 bill, three $1’s and coins.

Awesome!

An elite squad of six Chinese soldiers, performing a training ritual for a public audience in Hong Kong in January, stood in a circle and passed a satchel of live grenades from man to man, counting down to the expected moment of explosion. At the last possible second, the man caught holding the satchel discards it, and all dive into a hole for protection. At the exhibition, according to Chinese Central Television, it worked out fine.

Least Competent Criminals

Not Ready for Prime Time: An unidentified man fled and is still at large after trying to break into the change machine at Busy Bubbles laundromat in Winter Haven, Fla., in January. The surveillance video showed the man shooting at the machine four times with a handgun, but no money came out.

Two men were arrested in Albuquerque in January after being caught in the act of a home burglary by a neighbor, who called police. The men were apprehended with various burglarized goodies as they made their getaway in a grocery store shopping cart.

Chuck Shepherd WeirdNews@earthlink.net

BLACKJACKS BBQ BEAUTY You (girl) work at Blackjacks and have tattoos.. I (guy) eat at Blackjacks and have tattoos... so far we’re 2 for 2. When: Feb. 14, 2012. Where: Blackjacks Baymeadows. #1283-0221 MYSTERIOUS COAT AND CHEEKBONES I saw U at St. Bart’s, cooking something up in the lab.

Mutual friend introduced us. You told me my life story just by observing the evidence. I believe my heart was stolen.

Please take my case? You: Tall, dark-haired man in long coat and blue scarf. Me: Soldier with blonde hair who called you brilliant. When: Feb. 10, 2012. Where: St. Bart’s. #1282-0221 YOU HELD MY DOOR AT THE CAR Ok Joe you were a doll. Called me ma’am and I am. But still are you there? Bold City Thurs. nite 9:30 p.m. When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Bold City. #1281-0221 PUT A BIRD ON IT! Saw you on the corner of Forbes and Acosta in your faded bathrobe sitting on your porch drinking your morning brew.

As soon as I got a whiff of your morning coffee breath, I knew you were the one for me. If you’re as interested as I am, meet me at Cool Moose at 8 am on V-day and we’ll both have some java to go with our morning breath. When: Feb. 9, 2012.

Where: Forbes & Acosta. #1280-0221 EYE CONTACT ONLY I was out with a girlfriend, wasn’t sure if you were out with yours, so I never actually spoke to you. Your dark hair, glasses and almost hidden arm tattoo caught my attention almost as much as our eye contact. As soon as I left, I regretted not saying anything. If you’re single, I’d like to actually have that conversation! When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Salt Life/Mellow Mushroom. #1279-0221 RAMPS ON THE STOVE TOP You: the Officer that came to my parents’ rescue... Me: the one who was in scrubs and slightly embarrassed because my father offered you “Ramps”. Ever since then, you have been forever on my mind... would love to get to know you better.

XOXO? When: Jan. 2011. Where: Ortega. #1278-0221 MY SUNSHINE I was driving along Atlantic Blvd., crossing at Hodges Blvd., when I saw you cruising in your V dub. Dark silk hair, hiding the fiery blonde underneath, your sexy dark shades resting above your little nose. It was love at first sight, but it was my first time seeing you sunshine. I’ll see you soon. When: April 11, 1984. Where: Atlantic Blvd. #1277-0214 LOST GIRL? U: brunette with brown eyes that shine like little stars, sitting on red couch at The Royal. Me: guy dressed in black, busy working and cleaning up. I really meant to catch your name?

Hope I see you again one day. When: Feb. 4, 2012. Where: The Royal. #1276-0214 TETHERED TO BAR NEAR BATHROOMS Me: WAY too drunk, however, your beauty and energy is unforgettable. You and your dark-haired gentleman friend were tethered to the bar near the bathrooms. I would love love love to get to know you and see where it goes, if anywhere. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Tavern – Mandarin. #1275-0214 SATURDAY AFTERNOON DELIGHT You: long curly brown hair, blue shirt, couldn’t catch your eye color thru those motorcycle goggles. Loved the cute gap between your teeth. Me: blonde blue-eyed girl in red sundress. You told me how attractive you thought I was at the Daily’s on Roosevelt. Didn’t know what to say at the time but suddenly the words have come to mind. When: Jan. 28, 2012.

Where: Daily’s on Roosevelt & San Juan. #1274-0214 GEORGIEGIRL1313 Met you on Plenty of Fish. We messaged back and forth and then you were gone. Hope you find this. Secret Agent Doc...

Take Care Cutie... When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Plenty of Fish. #1273-0214 I’M IN “MISERY” WITHOUT YOU You: Adam Levine look-alike, delivering my Southwest salad with a little extra spice, making it a little “harder to breathe.”

I was mezmorized by your doe-like eyes, i didn’t have a chance to look at your nametag. Me: strawberry blonde hair in a pink polo. Next time you wanna go to Panera and toss my salad? When: Feb. 2, 2012. Where: Crispers at the Town Center. #1272-0214 I SAW YOU WALKING DOWN THE STREET i saw you walking down the street and dang you are hot you’re so sexy you have dark black hair and very tan w/f holla at me if you see this. When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Bowden Road. #1271-0214 SEXY TRIVIA MAN You: muscular blonde trivia host. Me: short healthy brunette cutie. You can guess my answer anytime. When: Jan. 24, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Beaches. #1270-0214 MY LITTLE PICTURE MAN You: young buck with buzz cut taking photos of surfers on the Jax Beach Pier. You winked at me while I was walking my dog on the boardwalk, then quickly got into your blue Tacoma. Next time I’ll jump in the back and we can head two blocks to Bo’s Coral Reef. When: Jan. 25, 2012. Where: Jax Beach Pier. #1269-0207 YOU WERE HOTTER THAN MY BURRITO I Saw U at the hot sauce bar and noticed you liked it spicy!

You were wearing a pink Hello Kitty shirt and thigh-high boots. I was the guy who knocked over the plastic cups. I think you should join me for spicy taco night at my place sometime. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Tijuana Flats @ Bartram Park. #1268-0207 TO EACH THEIR OWN To the beautifully short tattooed brunette, I saw you yelling at a co-worker and I instantly fell in love. The anger in your eyes fueled the fire in my heart. You: Perfect. Me: Tall, Blue eyes, and exactly your type :) When: Jan. 15, 2012. Where: Crisper’s. #1267-0207 BEAUTY IN A BEAT UP TRUCK You: Rocking out in a red Chevy truck covered in bumper stickers. Thought nothing of it until you stepped out in a skirt with legs for days and a smile that make me want to get to know you. Your messy hair and Converse were a match made in my heaven! Me: 40ish chick with silver mohawk on my Harley. Don’t let the skinny fool you! Dinner? You made me hungry. When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: Daily’s on Baymeadow’s. #1266-0207 PERFECT AT THE PEARL Saw you @ The Pearl with a girl all in black. Your hair was perfect! Made me wanna get ya in the sack. It was my first

time there, now I wanna go back. I can’t let you get away, because you I can’t lack. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: The Pearl. #1265-0207 TALKING HEADS GIRL Dynamic young blonde lady who put Talking Heads - “This Must Be The Place” on the box. Try Talking Heads - The Great Curve (Live in Rome 1980). They were in the zone. PS: Believe in yourself always... you’re amazing! When: Jan. 23, 2012. Where: Pete’s Bar. #1264-0207 SEXY DREAMY CASHIER U who stole my heart n soul, short, sweet, tiny, n sexy as all get out. Brown hair n eyes maybe attached not sure. Me: tall dark brown hair, blue eyes, would take care of u if given the chance. Maybe one day u would let me take u away from all this n take care of u forever n pamper u!! When: Dec. 5, 2011. Where: Nicklyn’s Cafe. #1263-0207 DADDY AND DAUGHTER GETTING SUBS Our kids were chatty, but I was too shy to say much. Star Wars, “one tomato”, you tried to steal my muffins! You and your daughter stopped to look at flowers on the way out. If the kids can hit it off, maybe we could too. Interested in a playdate? When: Jan. 21, 2012. Where: Publix @ Roosevelt/ San Juan. #1262-0131 INTRIGUING, INTELLIGENT AND DARING I rounded the corner of Starbucks, and saw you sitting. You’re so small and petite and have the cutest splash of freckles all over your cheeks and nose. You’re jaw-dropping beautiful and don’t even realize it. You’re regular raspberry iced green tea has become one of my favorites. When: Jan. 22, 2012.

Where: Towncenter Starbucks. #1261-0131 OUTSPOKEN AT RENNA’S You: Curly, dark haired angel who ranted about Glenn Beck and Rick Santorum with the bus boy. Me: Bearded onlooker in the MasterCard shirt eating a large pizza alone. I’ll gladly share a slice if you would like to talk more about Glenn and Rick. When: Jan. 22, 2012. Where: Renna’s Pizza. #1260-0131 COUNTRY WARCRAFT KING SEEKS GODDESS You: Redheaded fox in slap-ya-mamma jeans. Me: Mustachio prince of your dreams. You looked like you were hitting the pavement pretty hard there… I’ve got something else you can hit if ya want. ;). When: Jan. 13, 2011. Where: Towncenter. #1259-0131 SPORTY BLONDE IN SWEATS You: Stunning blonde with long legs and brown eyes wearing Knight’s sweats in the Riverside Starbucks. Me: Baffled

by your undeniable beauty, wanting to buy your next tall regular coffee. You seemed anything but regular. Let’s java sometime? When: Dec. 13, 2011. Where: Starbucks. #1258-0131 GREEN EYED ANGEL You: Effortless beauty, always serving my favorite Golden Spiral, guessing close enough to my actual Mug club number.

You make my heart flutter when I see you, and 3pm is never early enough. You said you don’t do boyfriends, but how about a date? Me: Brown hair, blue eyes, hoping to constantly SEE*U. When: Dec. 31, 2011. Where: Intuition. #1256-0124 BOY IN A CANDY SHOP You, sexy tall tan and knows how to handle his guns. Me, short cute and couldn’t take my eyes off you. At Shooters you were looking for a gun even though you knew exactly what you wanted but still played around like you were thinking of other options. Maybe next time you can show me how to shoot your gun at the range.... When: Dec. 2011. Where: Shooters. #1255-0124 PATRON SAINT OF SKIN ILLUSTRATIONS Friday 13th at Black Anchor Tattoo, you; insanely big eyes that looked right into my soul... me; heart pounding so hard you heard it, let’s ponder the mysteries of the universe and eat at the Y... I’ll be yours forever, you stole my fart sign!! When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: Old Southside Tattoo. #1254-0124 GREG ALLMAN CONCERT Tall, Young and Handsome! You were my seat neighbor… the seats were so close I was practically in your lap... I wanted to touch you... I gave you gum... and thanked you for not being a drunken A******... like the busy bee crowd that could not sit still and enjoy the show... coffee with me perhaps??

Why not?? When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: The Florida Theatre. #1253-0124 SEXY SILVER S2000 SPEEDING AWAY You: Driving a tiny convertible in Riverside, saw you in my rearview. Blue rims- do they match your eyes? Me: Darkhaired vixen vying for your time, white Volvo is what I drive.

Maybe you’ll take me for a ride? When: Jan. 9, 2012. Where: Riverside. #1252-0124 MULTIPLE SIGHTINGS First saw you Oct. 15th at Kanki on Southside. Looked like you were celebrating with friends so I stayed away. Noticed you again at Warehouse 31 running from a clown. Now I keep seeing you getting a cherry coke from the Daily’s on Gate.

You have piqued my interest. Let’s meet and talk over some cherry cokes. When: Oct. 15, 2011. Where: Daily’s on Gate. #1251-0124

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February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 39

ARIES (March 21-April 19): At one point in “The Divine Comedy,” Italian poet Dante goes through purgatory on his way to paradise. American poet T.S. Eliot describes the scene: “The people there were inside the flames expurgating their errors and sins. And there was one incident when Dante was talking to an unknown woman in her flame. As she answered Dante’s questions, she had to step out of her flame to talk to him, until at last she was compelled to say to Dante, ‘Would you please hurry up with your questions so I can get on with my burning?’” I love how you’ve been expurgating your errors and sins lately. Let nothing interfere with your brilliant work. Keep burning till you’re done. (Source: “A New Type of Intellectual: Contemplative Withdrawal and ‘Four Quartets,’” Kenneth P. Kramer.)

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): If you’ve been holding back in any way, it’s time to unlock and unleash yourself. If you’ve been compromising your high standards or selling yourself short, give yourself permission to grow bigger, stronger and brighter. If you’ve been hiding your beauty, hedging your bets or rationing your access to the mother lode, you’ve officially arrived at the perfect moment to stop that nonsense.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the cult blaxploitation film “The Human Tornado,” main character Dolemite brags about his prowess.

“I chained down thunder and handcuffed lightning!” he raves. “I used an earthquake to mix my milkshake! I eat an avalanche when I want ice cream! I punched a hurricane and made it a breeze! I swallowed an iceberg and didn’t 2012 freeze!” This is how © I want to hear you talk in the week ahead. Given the current astrological configurations, you have every right. Plus, I think it’ll be healthy for you.

FolioWeekly

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Astrologer Antero Alli theorizes that placement of the Cancer sign in a person’s chart may indicate what he or she tends to whine about. In his chart, he says, Cancer rules his ninth house, so he whines about obsolete beliefs, bad education and stale dogmas that make folks shun firsthand experience as a source of authority. I declare these issues supremely honorable reasons for you to whine in the week ahead. You have cosmic permission to complain vociferously about injustices perpetrated by small-minded people, short-sighted thinking ignoring the big picture and greedy self-interest disdaining the future. However, no whining about crying babies, rude clerks or traffic jams.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): L.A. Weekly praised the music of drone-noise band Barn Owl in its review, saying the listening experience is “akin to placing your ear against the Dalai Lama’s stomach and catching the sound of his reincarnation juices flowing.” That sounds like what’s ahead for you next week: getting the lowdown on inner workings of a benevolent source … tuning in to the rest of the story behind a seemingly simple, happy tale … gathering up revelations about subterranean currents always going on beneath the surface of the good life. It’s ultimately all positive, though a bit complicated.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In the days ahead, you could do a lot to develop a better relationship with darkness. I don’t mean you should do bad things, seek out negativity and be fascinated with evil. When I say “darkness,” I mean confusing mysteries, unconscious patterns and hidden secrets. I mean difficult memories, inhospitable parts of the world and sweet dreams that have lost their way. Try to understand this stuff better. Open up to redemptive teachings.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Sister Jessica, a character in Frank Herbert’s “Dune” books, says, “The greatest and most important problems of 40 | FOLIO WEEKLY | FEBRUARY 28-MARCH 5, 2012

life cannot be solved. They can only be outgrown.” Use that theory as your operative hypothesis for the foreseeable future. Some specific clues about how to proceed: Don’t obsess on your crazy-making dilemma. Instead, concentrate on skillfully doing the pleasurable activities you do best. Be resolutely faithful to your higher mission and feed your lust for life. Slowly but surely, I think you’ll find the frustrating impediment is drained of at least some of its power to lock up your energy.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): A few years ago, Hong Kong company Life Enhance sold briefs and boxer shorts supposedly designed by a master practitioner of feng shui. On the front of every garment was an image of a dragon, which the Chinese have traditionally regarded as a lucky symbol. To have this powerful charm in contact with your intimate places increased your vital force — or so the sales rap said. By my estimates, you’re not going to need a boost like that in the weeks ahead.

Without any outside aids at all, your lower furnace will be generating intense beams of magical heat. What are you going to do with all that potent mojo? Please don’t use it on trivial matters.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There are times in your life when you do a lot of exploring in the outer world, other times when your pioneering probes are directed primarily inward. In my astrological opinion, you’re currently more suited for the latter kind of research. If you agree with me, here’s a tack you may want to take: Inventory all your inner voices, noticing both the content of what they say and the tone with which they say it. Some may be chatty, others shy; some blaring and others seductive; some nagging and needy, others calm and insightful. Welcome all the voices in your head into the spotlight of your alert attention. Ask them to step forward and reveal their agendas.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The Oxford English Dictionary, an authority on the state of the English language, adds an average of two new words every day. In the weeks ahead, I’d like to see you expand your capacity for self-expression with equal vigor.

According to my astrological omen-reading, you’re due for an upgrade in vocabulary, clarity and communication skills. Here’s one of the OED’s fresh terms, which would be a good addition to your repertoire: “bouncebackability,” the ability to recover from a setback or to rebound from a loss of momentum.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): We turn to Dr. Seuss for help in formulating your horoscope this week. He told a story of dining in a restaurant with his uncle, who was served a popover, which is a puffy muffin that’s hollow inside. “To eat these things,” said his uncle, “you must exercise great care. You may swallow down what’s solid, but you must spit out the air!” Drawing a lesson from these wise words, Dr. Seuss concluded, “As you partake of the world’s bill of fare, that’s darned good advice to follow. Do a lot of spitting out the hot air. And be careful what you swallow.” Your week ahead is successful if you apply these principles.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You should be like a rooster, dispensing wake-up calls on a regular basis. You should be nudging people to shed their torpor and shake themselves out of their stupor.

What’s your version of “Cockadoodle-doo!”? It shouldn’t be something generic like “Open your eyes!” or “Stop making excuses!” Come up with attention-grabbing exclamations or signature phrases no intelligent person can possibly ignore or be defensive about. Like: “Let’s leap into the vortex and scramble our trances!”

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

FOR SALE

SPORTING GOODS 5’10” CHANNEL ISLAND SURFBOARD $350, Call Brian, (555)555-5555

NOTICE OF PUBLIC DISPOSITION OF COLLATERAL PURSUANT TO THE UNIFORM COMMERCIAL CODE TO: DORCHESTER MEDIA, LLC, AS DEBTOR 200 Madison Avenue, Suite 2000 New York, New York 10016 FROM: JOHN D. BACKE, AS SECURED PARTY 27680 Marina Isle Court Bonita Springs, Florida 34134 PLEASE TAKE NOTICE, that by virtue of defaults in the terms of: (i) that certain secured Promissory Note, dated June 24, 2009, in the original principal amount of $2,900,000 executed and delivered by, inter alia, Dorchester Publishing Co., Inc. (“DP” or “Debtor”), as borrower, to and in favor of John D. Backe, as lender (“Secured Party”), as amended by that certain Amendment to Secured Promissory Note dated December 22, 2010 acknowledging the increase in the principal balance of the Note to $3,400,000 (the “Note”); and (ii) that certain Security Agreement, dated June 24, 2009, by and between, inter alia, Debtor and Secured Lender securing Debtor’s obligations of the Note (the “Security Agreement”, with capitalized terms used herein, unless herein defined, as defined in the Note or Security Agreement.) Secured Party will foreclose its security interest in and sell at public auction as a single unit through Garfunkel Wild, P.C. (the “Sale Agent”), in accordance with the provisions of Article 9 of the New York Uniform Commercial Code and the terms and conditions hereinafter set forth, all of the Debtor’s rights, title and interest, to the extent existing, in the following assets of Debtor(collectively, the “Collateral”): (a) all of DM’s rights, title and interest throughout the world in and to the magazine titles published under the names of True Story, True Confessions, The Best of True Confessions, True Story Romance Special, The Best of Secrets, True Experience, True Confessions Remember When, True Story Remember When and Miracles and related Intellectual Property Rights (collectively, the “Magazines”); (b) all of DM’s rights, titles and interest throughout the world in and to the book titles published under the names of True Story and True Confessions, all e-book titles published under the names of One Winter Night, Home for Christmas, Miracles (2nd Volume) and Tales of Inspiration (2nd Volume), and related Intellectual Property Rights (the “Books”); (c) as relates to the Magazines and Books, any unencumbered worldwide intellectual property rights, including patents, patent applications, common law trademarks, registered trademarks, applications for trademarks, related internet domain names, works of authorship, copyrights, copyright registrations and applications for registration (“Intellectual Property Rights”);

property rights relating to the Magazines; 2042831v.1 (e) all media rights to the Magazines including narrative archives, magazine back issues, digital back issues and material back issues in the possession and control of DM; (f) all material relating to the advertisements which have been placed in the Magazines, including but not limited to digital files, model releases, rate cards and all other records pertaining to the advertising; (g) the net receipts from single coy sales, after deductions of retail display allowances payable to newsstand retailers; (h) all electronic copies of the Magazines in the possession of DM; and (i) all computer equipment owned by DM. all of the Debtor’s means all of DP’s rights, The sale shall be held at the offices of Garfunkel Wild, P.C., the Sale Agent, 111 Great Neck Road, 6th Floor, Great Neck, New York, 11021 on March 8, 2012 at 2:00 in the afternoon Eastern Standard Time (the “Auction Date”).

General information concerning the Collateral, including the Terms of Sale, may be obtained from the Garfunkel Wild, P.C. by calling Burton S. Weston, Esq. at (516) 393-2588. Requests for specific information, including information concerning inspection of the Collateral, which is located at the Debtor’s location at 200 Madison Avenue, Suite 2000, New York, New York 10016, may be obtained by calling Norton Lazarus at 212-983-9500 ext. 15; provided however, that except as expressly set forth in the Terms of Sale, the Collateral is being sold on an “as-is”, “where is” basis without representations, covenants, guarantees or warranties of any kind relating to merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, title possession, quiet enjoyment or the like in this disposition. Therefore, potential bidders are encouraged to perform such duediligence as they deem necessary.

You are entitled to an accounting of the unpaid indebtedness secured by the property that we intend to sell for a charge of $25.00. You may request an accounting by calling us at (516)393-2588.

The Secured Party reserves the right to bid and reserves the right to refuse or accept any and all bids, reserves the right to adjourn, delay, or terminate the auction or alter or modify the terms thereof without further notice or publication.

Dated: February 21, 2012 Great Neck, New York

(d) all U.S. and foreign copyrights, goodwill, and all other intellectual and intangible February 28-March 5, 2012 | folio weekly | 41

EMPLOYMENT

FOLIO WEEKLY PUZZLER by Merl Reagle. Presented by

GENERAL EMPLOYMENT Florida’s Finest Jeweler SAN MARCO 2044 SAN MARCO BLVD. 398-9741

Get Over It!

NOTE: Feb. 29 (Leap Day) is tomorrow, so in this puzzle the theme answers treat certain individual black squares as obstacles to, um, rise above.

ACROSS TV monitor?

Complain about fish?

To shreds Silo occupant “Mystery solved!�

Soother in a bottle Head cases?

It’s bought and soled Initialize anew, as a disk Duel selections Purview Gift in a Christmas song ... ... (See 25 Across) Car in a Beach Boys song Pompous fool 1604 tragedy “Chic� preceder Sibilant attentiongetter Thunder god French gala Sheds feathers, to a Brit Had food at home Omani, perhaps Olympic activity ... ... (See 45 Across) More maudlin Proverb’s conclusion?

Put the kibosh on Mystery writer Marsh Going without the evening meal ... ... (See 56 Across) Heed Old Popeye foe, in the comics Give out again, as cards “___ la vie� ___ buco Oscar night attendees

1 4 8 13 17 18 19 20 21 23 24 25 27 28 29 30 32 33 36 38 39 41 43 45 47 49 51 53 54 56 57 60 62 64 66 67 68

PONTE VEDRA

SOUTHSIDE

330 A1A NORTH 280-1202

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THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

70 Curtain material 72 “... till death ___ part�

76 Sundance Film Festival state 78 Heavy silk fabric 80 Opera hat 82 Chevalier et al.

86 Had drinks in several locations ...

88 ... (See 86 Across) 89 Go for ___ (take the car out) 90 GPS suggestion: abbr.

92 Verizon forerunner 93 City of ancient Palestine 95 Nogales novelties ...

96 ... (See 95 Across) 99 A whale of a subject 101 Martin or Charlie 102 Minstrel’s song 104 VFW member 106 Hits on the head 108 Sound processors?

109 Gotta have 110 Shout, informally 112 Spanish aunt 114 Big stingers 116 Taking the bait, perhaps ...

117 ... (See 116 Across) 121 Ibuprofen target 122 Bribes 124 Runway 126 Commotion 127 Does penance 128 Grab (onto), slangily 129 With 84 Down, a competitive urge 130 Holster sites 131 Packed tightly 132 Salon magazine 133 Unite, in a way 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

52 55 58 59 61 63

C H E S T S

A B R E A T H

M E H T A

A L O O P

A J A R

B R U N O S

P O C O

C H A P E L

A A R P

A N KO A B J A ND T E I N V R E A R S

D E C T OR L E N E I C A E OW L A S R E E N

N A S G A D

C A S A AME S V I CH U B U E RR YM T OE P H E R S I T R S POE I SOR D P I E R L E E E L ME R L OS E Y S H A N M RU T A R I OWA OOD A S P DR E S S P A

R A H S OB I T I NN A E DG AGU I S A E S T E R E E S T S T T OO C E M ON A GA N T N EO E T E S S L E L A I I NC I T GE D I R S E S

S O N A T A S

C E S S N A

42 | folio weekly | February 28-March 5, 2012

M E S S Y

E L D E R

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The Eternal Fallout Shelter

A history of doomsday hucksterism, from cults to the U.S. government

I

n the summer of 1961, 100 pessimistic members of an Arizona-based religious sect called the Full Gospel Assembly Church spent about $250,000 (in current dollars) on food, locked up their homes, and descended into a half-dozen nearby bomb shelters that they had recently constructed. There they waited patiently for the Soviets to destroy America with a hailstorm of atom bombs.

Although the Lord had tipped them that an attack was imminent, a day passed, and then a week passed, and then a month passed; apparently the godless Russians were too busy celebrating their recent mastery of human space flight to fulfill divine prophecy. So on Aug. 16, after 42 days underground, the followers of the Full Gospel Assembly Church resurfaced, alive and presumably well-fed, to find the world pretty much as they’d left it.

Fifty years later, Armageddon still threatens to drift in on any breeze. The Soviet Union is gone, but in its place we’ve got leaky reactors, kooky dictators, Islamic deadenders, shaky tectonic plates, solar tsunamis, the shrinking thermosphere, pole shifts, and whatever’s causing thousands of dead birds to drop from the skies en masse. Is it any surprise that new home sales hit record lows in February? Who wants to lock himself into a 30-year mortgage when the Mayan apocalypse is just around the corner?

While traditional real estate sales are slumping, end times mean boom times for other sectors of the market. In March, CNNMoney.com reported that “U.S. companies selling doomsday bunkers are seeing sales skyrocket anywhere from 20 percent to 1,000 percent.” In 2011, home sweet home is a $100,000 turnkey fiberglass pod for eight from Radius Engineering. Or a $25,000 co-ownership share in the Vivos Group’s fourlevel, 137,000-square-foot communal luxury bunker outside Omaha, which boasts, among other amenities, a fully stocked wine cellar, an urgent care hospital, a hair salon, pet kennels, and the ability to withstand a 50-megaton nuclear blast within 10 miles.

To hear the Vivos Group’s Robert Vicino tell it, Uncle Sam is definitely not a part of Apocalypse America’s welcome wagon, at least if you’re Joe Sixpack. “You know the government has underground facilities,” Vicino says. “They’re in Colorado, New Mexico, a half-mile down, large shelters that can accommodate 5,000 people. They’ve got extensive equipment down there, earth-boring machines, so if they get buried under whatever, they can bore themselves back out. This is our tax dollars at work. But who are these shelters for? Not us. They’re for the government, the elite, the military. The locations of these places are on a need-to-know basis, and you’re not on the list.”

Oh, if only the government really had so little interest in our fates! In truth, today’s bomb shelter industry pretty much owes its existence to the government’s pioneering efforts. All seven of the nuclearhardened facilities the Vivos Group is currently outfitting for a full menu of potential “life extinction events,” for example, were originally built by the government during the Cold War. Even more important than the physical infrastructure the state bequeathed to today’s doomsday entrepreneurs is the psychological groundwork that agencies like the Federal Civil Defense Administration and the Office of Civil and Defense Mobilization laid at mid-century. It wasn’t just God who was urging the Full Gospel Assembly Church to go underground in 1961.

In the 10 years prior, the federal government had sunk at least $4.82 billion (in current dollars) into civil defense and the idea that, as civil defense bureaucrat Leo Hoegh put it in the 1959 film “Walt Builds a Family Fallout Shelter,” “No home in America is modern without a fallout shelter.”

In “Fallout Shelter” (University of Minnesota Press), David Monteyne, a professor of architecture at the University of Calgary, contemplates how Cold War civil defense practices helped expand “the goals and powers of the welfare state.” In “Bomboozled” (Pointed Leaf Press), the architecture writer Susan Roy draws on an illuminating and hilarious trove of government pamphlets, magazine pictorials and advertisements that suggest how America’s burgeoning nuclear arsenal, ostensibly designed to protect the country’s citizens from the monolithic, all-encroaching rule of the commies, also made capitalist individuals more dependent than ever on their own government and more vulnerable to its increasingly intimate efforts to supervise their lives. “Good clean housekeeping is Civil Defense Housekeeping,” exclaims a pamphlet titled “Atomic Blast Creates Fire.” “Dissolve nine ounces of Borax and four ounces of boric acid in a gallon of water. Dip your curtains, drapes, and slipcovers in it.”

Naturally, the federal government aspired to do more than advise its citizens on laundry preparedness. In the mid-1950s, Roy reveals, civil defense authorities wanted every American to wear dog tags. A few years later, the Department of Defense was eager to install

“black box” buzzers in 60 million homes and offices as a means of alerting citizens in times of crises. As early as 1950, Pres. Harry Truman was proposing an $18.6 billion (in current dollars) shelter-building program. In ensuing years, various federal officials and committees proposed shelter construction blueprints with estimated costs as high as $288 billion (in current dollars). In 1960, Gov. Nelson Rockefeller attempted to pass legislation that would have made it mandatory for every existing structure in the state of New York to add a fallout shelter by 1963.

Despite what a 1961 issue of Good Housekeeping derided as “massive propaganda to induce Americans to burrow underground like worms,” officials were never able to secure the level of funding a widespread shelter-building program would require. The government’s more general efforts to persuade citizens to build shelters on their own dime were only slightly more successful. After a decade of federal proselytizing, Newsweek noted in July 1961, American families had built around 2,000 shelters. In contrast, during that time, they’d built around 300,000 swimming pools. (A New York Times article, also from July 1961, put the estimated total of family bomb shelters in the U.S. at 60,000.)

But the government didn’t give up easily.

In late 1961, it began assessing potential locations in already-existing buildings that might provide shelter against fallout if not an actual atomic blast, and eventually it convinced more than 100,000 building owners to stockpile their basements with “allpurpose survival biscuits” and other supplies.

To publicize these sites, the government posted more than 670,000 black-and-yellow

fallout shelter signs throughout the country, Monteyne writes, “remind[ing] its citizens at every turn, on every block, that it could protect them.”

Out of such ubiquitous signage and the establishment of “preparedness” as a civic virtue of the highest order, the federal government solidified its status as an increasingly panoptic and proscriptive presence in our lives whose mandate is to shelter us from all manner of catastrophe: economic, environmental, nutritional, you name it. While entrepreneurs like Robert Vicino find it advantageous to portray the feds as elitist overlords with little desire to protect us from asteroid strikes and super volcanoes, the government’s willingness to lend a hand in moments of cataclysm has actually mushroomed like an atomic blast over the last decade. From 1953 through 1970, for example, the government declared an average of only 15.5 official federal disasters per year, and spent comparatively little cleaning up after Mother Nature’s excesses. From 2001 through the first half of 2011, it declared an average of 55 federal disasters per year.

If you’re a cash-strapped high school looking to build a new $2 million gymnasium, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) will fund 75 percent if you make it durable enough to withstand a tornado. If you own a mobile home park and you’d like to build a storm shelter for your tenants, the feds will give you the same deal. FEMA hasn’t gotten around to issuing a pamphlet on how best to prepare your draperies for Mayan Doomsday, but give it time. It still has a few months left.

Greg Beato

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be at least 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to themail@folioweekly.com or snail mail it to Anne Schindler, Editor, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

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