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Northeast Florida’s News & Opinion Magazine • March 13-19, 2012 • Wash Me • 127,212 readers every week!

Music & Words: Lyle Lovett, Jennifer Chase, Tony Bennett and Jaap Blonk offer sound from every angle. p. 29

Keeping the St. Johns River Ferry in service is both a local priority and a statewide obligation. p. 58

FREE

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Inside Volume 25 Number 50

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12 42 NEWS A prominent Clay County Republican running for Congress accuses fellow GOPers of bribing him to drop out of the race. p. 7 One employee is gone and another is threatening to sue in the wake of a Folio Weekly story on the State Attorney’s probe of staff emails. p. 10

MUSIC Tony Bennett brings decades of creative sophistication to Northeast Florida. p. 29 Lyle Lovett finds a home on the widest range of artistic endeavors. p. 32 Jennifer Chase and friends cook up a little romantic reverie around her latest play. p. 33

BUZZ, BOUQUETS & BRICKBATS John Cage gets the silent treatment at UNF. Plus a farewell blog from Episcopal’s murderous staffer. p. 9

ARTS The Cummer celebrates one of the most colorfully influential movements in the history of art. p. 42

I ♥ TELEVISION Mom … You’re Embarrassing Me! p. 11

When it comes to sound poetry, Jaap Blonk always has the final word. p. 45

SPORTSTALK Monster truck maven Madusa: As carny as they come. p. 12

BACKPAGE Keeping the St. Johns River Ferry in service is both a local priority and a statewide obligation. p. 58

ON THE COVER Water Hogs, Part VI: Still Sucking After All These Years. p. 13 OUR PICKS Reasons to leave the house this week. p. 21 MOVIES The hyper commercialized adaptation of the Dr. Seuss classic “The Lorax” is all bark and no bite. p. 23

EDITOR’S NOTE p. 4 MAIL p. 5 LIVE MUSIC LISTING p. 35 ARTS LISTING p. 43 HAPPENINGS p. 46 DINING GUIDE p. 48 NEWS OF THE WEIRD p. 533 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY p. 54 I SAW U p. 55 CLASSIFIEDS p. 56

Bad jokes and no direction join forces in the latest, needless teen romp, “Project X.” p. 28 MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 3

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Minutes Matter

The School Board’s meager record of recent meetings shows contempt for the community

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budget over the past several years, Gentry well knows the impact of cutbacks. Would it be nice if the daily paper covered every gathering of every board, commission and subcommittee of the city? Yes. Will that ever happen again? Unlikely — and it’s cynical to pretend otherwise.

Is the daily embarrassed that it missed the meeting? Undoubtedly. But an absence of resources is different from a lack of transparency.

Gentry’s minutes fail to mention the single

Erik Tanner

.C. Gentry is a bright guy. You don’t get into the Bentley-driving ranks of trial attorneys without a better-than-average grasp of both book learning and human nature. But his years of public service appear to have diminished his respect for the mental acuity of the rest of us.

Because only someone who thinks his audience is composed of morons could attempt to sell the tripe he was dishing up last week.

Gentry, who has served on the Duval County School Board since 2008, including a stint as chair, last week attempted to deflect criticism over the skimpy minutes he recorded during a Feb. 20 meeting. The discussion, part of a board development meeting held at the Schultz Center, sounded — at least from the minutes — fairly innocuous.

In reality, the board voted not to renew the contract of Superintendent Ed Pratt-Dannals.

The minutes do not mention Pratt-Dannals. They don’t even mention the word “superintendent.”

Instead, they vaguely mention “succession planning” and “the need for transformational change” in the district. The meeting agenda, billed

If Gentry wants to claim his minutes reflect reality, we can only wonder what he meant when he referenced board discussion of “how the Board may transform the District on an expedited basis.” Perhaps the School Board voted to resign en masse?

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merely as “Quarterly Goals Update,” offered no hint that the gathering — or a subsequent one titled “Continue Quarterly Goals Update,” at which a letter dismissing Pratt-Dannals was presented and approved — would address such weighty topics.

Speaking on WJCT last week, Gentry defended his anemic note taking and the criticism it elicited from The Florida TimesUnion, and instead attempted to blame the paper for missing the story.

“We certainly put the press on notice that we were talking about these items,” he said on “First Coast Connect” last Wednesday. “For the press to complain that we somehow violated the Sunshine Law it is really...” Gentry trails off.

“Apparently they were embarrassed they did not come.”

As a publication that blames the local daily for plenty (including the bury-the-news headline that accompanied the story on the board vote, which made Pratt-Dannals’ ouster sound voluntary), we’re familiar with the cavil. But in this case, it seems profoundly disingenuous for Gentry to blame the paper — a post-bankruptcy, financially gutted publication, helmed by a skinflint CEO and staffed by a relative skeleton crew — for dropping the ball. As someone who’s had to cut tens of millions from the school

most important thing that was discussed at the meeting, and even Board Chair Betty Burney admitted to the Times-Union that an ordinary person wouldn’t know from reading them what had transpired. If Gentry wants to claim his minutes reflect reality, we can only wonder what he meant when he referenced board discussion of “how the Board may transform the District on an expedited basis.” Perhaps the School Board voted to resign en masse, and transform all existing schools into charter schools? What about his notes that the board wants to “reduce unnecessary paperwork and time-consuming demands on teachers that is not conducive to teaching and learning.” Shall we presume they voted to abolish the FCAT? Being a member of the Duval County School Board is no picnic. School district stakeholders are divided, vocal and in some cases vituperative.

One can sympathize with a desire of the board to make controversial decisions in relative privacy.

But if the desire is forgivable, the pretense that their minutes reflect anything close to reality is not. And to try to transfer blame to the daily paper is contemptible. Just because a watchdog isn’t there to report what happened doesn’t make it OK to pretend nothing did.

Anne Schindler themail@folioweekly.com

Point of Clarification

I have been retained by Rebekah Holt (I used her maiden name, as it was the name printed in the paper) to obtain retractions regarding the article or blog titled “Mad as Hell,” written

by Susan Cooper Eastman and published on Feb. 14, 2012. Ms. Holt has written several emails to you, without complete satisfaction or acknowledgement of the problem. Following, and maybe as a result of the emails, Folio Weekly posted a clarification to the online article and has stated that it will issue a clarification in the upcoming “hard copy” issue.

However, if the clarification that is going to be published in the paper is the same as that posted on-line, it is inadequate.

The clarification made online is a disclaimer that Folio Weekly does not claim and did not report that the named employees were providing information on a confidential basis.

That is not Ms. Holt’s contention or problem with the use of her name in the article. Ms. Holt was not at work when the January 2012 article or blog was published. After her return, the article or blog was forwarded to her. Thus, her name became associated with Folio Weekly inconsequentially and indirectly. Even if a request was made to the city for Ms. Holt’s email records, it was not done because she was “apparently suspected of betrayal.”

As a result of the assumption and conclusion drawn by Susan Cooper Eastman, the author of the article, Ms. Holt’s name is permanently linked as someone who is “suspected of betrayal.” However, there is no indication that what you printed is true. In fact, from what Ms. Holt has been told, she was never suspected of betrayal, and this, as it pertains to Rebekah Holt, is a complete and utterly false statement.

As Ms. Holt indicated to you, she does not want her name and reputation to be indelibly linked to the statement that she was suspected of betrayal. Your conclusion is incorrect. Ms. Holt was not suspected of betrayal, nor has she betrayed anyone.

Unlike Angela Corey, who is a public elected figure, who must endure much more speculation, innuendoes, unpleasant statements, even half-truths and maybe even false statements, Ms. Holt is a private citizen. It is wrong to publish speculations and conclusions about a private citizen when to do so can damage the person’s reputation and character. A search of Ms. Holt’s name on the Internet can eventually lead the researcher to the Folio Weekly article that falsely and incorrectly states that Ms. Holt was suspected of betrayal. Loyalty should not be so blatantly impugned. To do so can ruin people’s lives.

Demand is hereby made that you remove the Feb. 14, 2012 article or blog from the Internet. This must be done in a manner that when a search of the name Rebekah Holt is made, the article or reference to the article does not appear. Further, demand is hereby made for a written retraction stating Folio weekly has no independent verification that the named employees were actually suspected of betrayal and that it was not appropriate for Ms. Eastman to reach the conclusion that the six employees were “apparently suspected of betrayal.” Failure of Folio Weekly to take the appropriate steps to correct the falsehoods and misstatements by removing from the Internet and making a written retraction in the printed paper may result in further legal action being taken. Ms. Holt does not take lightly that her reputation and character have been impugned by Folio Weekly; she has not done anything improper,

disloyal or in any other way betrayed anyone.

Further, she was not suspected of betrayal as Ms. Eastman’s conjecture stated.

Suzanne C. Quinonez Law Office of Suzanne C. Quinonez, P.A.

Poor Sport

“We need to know that Tebow could pull the A List chicks if he wanted to, and what would be more A-List than picking up Russell Brand’s spare?” (Sportstalk, March 6) Does the above-quoted sum up the integrity of the author as well as the general motive of this poorly constructed “sports article”? I’d like to think otherwise, because I tend to look for the good in people. But I finished reading this article and my disappointment took another step toward sheer frustration.

What a waste of time and energy. I’m disappointed in Folio Weekly for publishing and paying any mind to this piece. It’s sad that there are writers with talent and positive, inspiring, EDUCATED messages, but instead we pave a golden road for college humor and cynical speculation. Aren’t we supposed to be a generation that is inspired and loving? The “brolicious” and frivolous pokes at Tebow, Fred Durst, Christ, may have intended to be humorous; I get it. But it’s overplayed. It’s worn out.

As for the manufacturing of an individual’s image, the media sure as hell didn’t have to do anything with Fred Durst’s. He made his own image on his own, and same goes for Tebow. Actions speak louder than words, right? Perhaps next time you could speak of something that edifies our society and generation, like the NFL players who lend their support to charities, or what the Taste of the NFL does to raise awareness for hunger relief.

Bekah Coker Via email

To AG Gancarski: I read your articles majority of weeks. Ego is big, what you say normally makes sense. But you are way out of line when you say the McCartney halftime show was average. It was great. I was there.

Clark Graham Via email

Court of Public Opinion

I have only one question for State Attorney Angela Corey. You think the 12–year-old boy, Cristian Fernandez, is a threat to the public, but you don’t think those four people in the meth house, where a police officer was killed, are? Really?

Brion Griffin Jacksonville via email

Bad Rap

In regard to the article on the young rapper Lil Badazz (Buzz, March 6), it’s kind of disturbing that these are the kinds of local artists that Folio Weekly would have us listen to or want to check out. We have seen this story a million times; a young black rapper with his hat to the back and rapping about Duval being the murder capital.

Not only am I a loyal Folio Weekly reader, I’m also a rapper. However, unlike Lil Badazz, my lyrics actually stand for something and are in a positive light. Now why is it that a nice-dressing black guy with good lyrics and a message can’t be featured in this same section?

I do realize this may just be in this edition because of the front page (Cover Story, “The Punisher,” March 6); it kinda makes sense. But

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 5

Locally Owned and Independent since 1987 I’d appreciate if Folio Weekly took a chance on featuring a real artist, and not another lookalike from BET. Please show me you guys can feature both sides of the spectrum, not just one.

Taurean J. Royal Northside

Minority Report

It is not going to sound politically correct, but we need to face a paramount problem in our schools: How do we best teach minorities in our public schools?

Thankfully, this is not pre-1969, where Duval County Schools seemed to be engineered to serve one community and to ignore another.

The racial component in our schools, however, is still strong.

Ever since I left the United States Air Force and chose to substitute teach in public schools and later teach full time, I have noticed a common thread in my work in a range of schools, from Baldwin to the Beaches.

The most challenging students to reach tend to be from racial minority groups. The challenge comes because I spend much of my time trying to ask black students to work with me to teach them. Many of them, however, see our schools as the obstacle and will do anything they can to defy and disrespect educators.

The larger challenge comes when many of these students’ parents are enabling their children to act disruptively in schools. There is an epidemic distrust of schools on the part of the parents that is manifesting itself in the students’ behavior. For example, how many dress-code violations could be prevented if parents simply asked their sons and daughters to treat school more like a job and less like a vacation? How many fights could be prevented in schools if parents asked their children to be more interested in taking a pencil and notebook paper to school instead of a chip on their shoulder? How many disciplinary referrals can be prevented if parents asked their children to simply follow the Code of Conduct rather than looking for ways to flout it?

The racial component of education is an issue that is close to my heart, because I am the son of a South Carolinian who had no choice but to attend segregated schools. I have relatives who tell me horror stories of how they were treated by a community that did not hold the best interests of all children dear to them.

This is why I especially get frustrated when I ask a child of any race to obey the school rules and the child is more focused on defiance rather than making the most of their right to a quality education.

It is too depressing to hear my colleagues spinning their wheels about the same horrible behavior every year. A transformative superintendent will be able to take the strength of our schools’ diversity and help create a school system that serves all — even those who don’t realize that they need a good education We shall overcome, some day.

John Louis Meeks Jr. Jacksonville via email

If you would like to respond to something that appeared in Folio Weekly, please send a signed letter (no anonymous or pseudonymous mail will be printed) along with address and phone number (for verification purposes only) to themail@folioweekly. com or THE MAIL, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Letters may be edited for space and clarity.

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9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 Phone: 904.260.9770 Fax: 904.260.9773 e-mail: info@folioweekly.com website: folioweekly.com PUBLISHER David Brennan dbrennan@folioweekly.com • ext. 130

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44,200 press run • Audited weekly readership 127,212

Clay County Clerk of Courts Jimmy Jett (far right) says he was told that U.S. House Speaker John Boehner (bottom) was part of an effort to get him to drop his primary challenge of Congressman Cliff Stearns (top left).

Party Crasher

A Clay County Republican running for Congress accuses fellow GOPers of bribing him to drop out of the race

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ou could practically hear the bridges burning behind him. Last week, longtime Clay County Clerk of the Courts James Jett publicly revealed what he says is an ongoing FBI investigation into attempts by fellow Republicans to bribe him into not to running for Congress.

Jett’s bombshell effectively alienated not just the leadership of the regional GOP (including his main opponent in the race, incumbent U.S. Rep. Cliff Stearns [R-Ocala]) but potentially national Republicans as well, particularly House Speaker John Boehner, whom Jett says was involved in the matter.

As Folio Weekly first reported last week (http://bit.ly/wVjOI5), Jett went to last week’s luncheon meeting of the South Clay Republicans loaded for bear. Jett had been expected to drop out of the race for the newly designed 3rd Congressional district, a contest that includes Stearns, who was drawn out of his former district during the once-a-decade redistricting process. (The race also includes State Sen. Steve Oelrich [R-Gainesville] and Republican veterinarian Ted Yoho.)

But instead of backing out, Jett — a former County Commissioner who has served as Clerk of the Courts since 1998 — chose to present what he contends is evidence that he was bribed by high-ranking Republican officials to drop out of the race. Jett told those gathered he had incriminating voice mails from former state Education Commissioner Jim Horne and Clay Republican mega-fundraiser Judd Sapp, and that the FBI recorded phone conversations with both men. Jett says he was promised jobs, financial reimbursement and, in some cases, “anything [he] wants” in order not to challenge Stearns.

In December, Jett abandoned his bid to be re-elected Clerk of the Courts to run for the District 3 seat. Jett says he made that decision because he was told that Stearns would endorse his bid. Jett never spoke directly to Stearns, but says he received assurances from Horne and a staffer in Stearns’ Congressional office that Stearns would run for the newly drawn District 11, which includes his Ocala hometown, and that he wanted a Republican with name recognition and Clay County cred to run for District 3.

But in mid-February, Stearns instead decided to move to Orange Park and run in District 3. At that point, Jett says he began getting pressured to bow out and endorse Stearns. He says the

pressure began with a Feb. 17 phone call from Horne, who told him all the state and national GOP power was behind Stearns, including Lt. Gov. Jennifer Carroll, state Sen. John Thrasher and Lenny Curry, chairman of the Republican Party of Florida. (Curry denies this, and says he does not take sides in primary contests.) Jett says he was subsequently promised high-profile jobs, compensation for the money he spent on his campaign and support to run for the District 3 seat when Stearns decided to retire. He says other offers included a paid position within Stearns’ campaign and VIP floor seats to the Republican National Convention in Tampa. If a Republican won the White House, Jett says he was assured Stearns would have him appointed U.S. Marshal for the Southern District of Florida. (Jett graduated from the police academy in Jacksonville and the FBI academy and then served as a police officer in Orange Park before he resigned to run for the Clay County Commission in 1982.)

During the Feb. 17 phone call, Jett says Horne also told him that House Speaker Boehner would be in Clay County for a fundraiser on March 2, and that he wanted to meet privately with Jett to “offer you something to drop out of the race.” (Horne declined comment, but promised to issue a statement. As of press time, Folio Weekly had not received it.)

Jett says Sapp reinforced the claim in a conversation during a fundraiser on Feb. 23, telling Jett that Boehner would reward him for stepping aside. Jett said that when he asked what Boehner would offer, Sapp responded, “The sky is the limit.” (Folio Weekly was unable to reach Sapp for comment.)

“I told him I’m not interested and I don’t know of anything I would want,” Jett told Folio Weekly. “It escalated from there.”

On Feb. 29, Jett and his brother, Clay County Sheriff ’s Deputy Joey Jett, contacted Sheriff Rick Beseler and met with sheriff ’s investigators, State Attorney Angela Corey and an assistant state attorney from her office. “They called the FBI,” Jett says, and the FBI placed a tap on Jett’s telephone and asked him to make calls to Horne and Sapp at about 8 p.m. on March 1. Jett says he made those calls, and that both men confirmed their previous offers in those conversations. But Jett says the FBI would not authorize him to wear a wire to the March 2 fundraiser, because Boehner was supposed

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 7

NewsBuzz

Quiet Observance In honor of the forthcoming John Cage Festival 100th Birthday Celebration, a local professor and a few of his enterprising students are celebrating the maverick composer in a highly visible yet quietly contemplative way. Clark Lunberry, an associate professor in University of North Florida’s English Department, is organizing the weeklong festival held from March 24-30 at various venues around town.

Lunberry and the students recently set up “Silence (Not),” an installation in UNF’s Carpenter Library and the adjacent retention pond (above) that Lunberry tells Folio Weekly is sort of an “opening gesture” of the festival. “The plan is for the installation to be up all of March,” says Lunberry, “though weather and geese will partially determine what happens on the pond.”

Dissonant Note “At times, I’ve probably treated people more like disposable objects, to be used and discarded at my own will. The same way, really, that we treat land around the world and especially in this country. I think the trends are connected. But thankfully, I (and we!) still have life left to live; there is still hope.”

— From Episcopal School teacher Shane Schumerth’s final blog post, on Tue., March 6 at 8:46 a.m. Hours later, Schumerth brought an AK-47 and nearly 100 rounds of ammunition to the school and killed the head of the school, Dale Regan.

Schumerth blogged Schumerth mostly about religion,, education and sports at “The Schumerth Shuffle” (schumes.blogspot.com).

Boxers or Briefs?

Those planning to attend Pres. Bill Clinton’s appearance at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre — or those just wanting to toss barbs from afar — are invited to submit their questions in advance.

Questions will be presented by moderator Cathy Brown of the St. Johns County Council on Aging after Clinton’s speech, but presumably they will be vetted to exclude those like the famous underwear question. Send your query to St. Johns County Cultural Events Division General Manager Ryan Murphy at rmurphy@sjcfl.us.

to be there, and the FBI agents had been forbidden by their superiors from recording the House Speaker.

Jett says his brother questioned the selective wiretapping, and an FBI agent responded, “It is what it is.” (The FBI does not, as a matter of policy, confirm or deny investigations.)

Instead of wearing a wire to the March 2 fundraiser, Jett says he told Stearns, Horne and Sapp that he considered their offers a violation of the law, that the FBI was investigating and that agents had recorded their phone conversation the previous night. “As an officer of the court,” Jett told Folio Weekly, “if I believe criminal misconduct has occurred or have knowledge of it, I have to report it.”

For his part, Stearns strongly disputed Jett’s claim, calling it slanderous, and leveling his own allegations of wrongdoing. In a statement released last week, Stearns’ spokesperson said, “[Rep. Stearns] has not communicated with Mr. Jett at any time to get out of the race. This is a pure and simple political maneuver by Mr. Jett to illegally entrap former friends for vindictive

reasons.” The statement continues, “Mr. Jett’s allegations arose from his own solicitations and strategies for compensation to remove himself as a candidate once he found out that Rep. Stearns would be running in the newly formed district.

The people of Clay County will see through his scandalous attempts to illegally entrap his friends to promote his candidacy. “… Also it is in violation of Florida State law for him to record a phone call of someone without his advising him or her he is doing it. It is disappointing that we have to spend time addressing matters of this nature and for someone to have the spotlight for his slanderous behavior.”

Jett, who acknowledged trading of positions for political favors may be routine in both parties, says it is bribery — felony and misdemeanor violations of U.S. election law.

“In my opinion, Cliff Stearns is a desperate politician,” he told Folio Weekly. “And he is the only one that would benefit from this.”

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com

Getting Stung The Jacksonville Landing apparently didn’t like Jacksonville artist and gallery owner Brenda Kato (above, right) telling Folio Weekly about the Christian condemnations emanating from the shop next door. Last week, Folio Weekly published a story about a conflict surrounding Kato’s Bee Gallery and complaints that her decision to feature a tarot card reader (above, left) during ArtWalk was bringing evil spirits to the riverfront mall. The shop next door even began hosting a prayer circle of Baptist women to ward off Satan (see “(No) Sympathy for the Devil,” http://bit.ly/wSpr07). After Folio Weekly contacted The Landing about Kato’s complaints, the management there gave Kato a 30-day notice to clear out. The Landing offered Kato free space for a gallery two years ago under the Off The Grid project, an effort to populate empty storefronts with local artists. The Landing didn’t return a call for comment. Kato was reflective about the lease termination. “If you’re going to sit in the front of the bus, you have to be able to stand up and speak your piece,” she said.

Get Out “Highly objectionable” — How the Jacksonville Baptist Association categorized the decision of Christ Tabernacle Missionary Baptist Church to hire a convicted sex offender as its pastor. The church hired Darrell Gilyard shortly after he was released from a three-year sentence for lewd behavior with youth parishioners. Gilyard has had a history of questionable sexual behavior at several churches he’s led. The Baptist Association asked the church to resign from the group, according to a March 7 article in Florida Baptist Witness, and the church agreed.

8 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Matthew Rushing of the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater troupe leads a workshop at Ponte Vedra Ballet & Dance Company on February 27.

The Fire Next Time

NewsBuzz

Jacksonville’s groundbreaking Lime Street fire investigation will be featured on Smithsonian Channel’s TV series, “Forensic Firsts.” Associate producer Tara Doyle contacted Folio Weekly last week after reading our February 2010 story, “Nightmare on Lime Street: How a ghastly fire forever changed arson science in America” (http:// bit.ly/zWbFju). The article was about Gerald Lewis, 35, who was charged with setting a fire that killed his wife, her sister and four children in his house on Lime Street on Oct. 16, 1990. Jacksonville Public Defender Pat McGuinness’ questioning of the evidence prompted the State Attorney’s Office to duplicate the fire in a house next door. Instead of proving arson, the experiment cast doubt on the whole science of arson evidence that investigators had relied upon. Doyle says the TV show’s creators plan to make the Lime Street fire the first case they explore in the upcoming season.

Brickbats to two treasure-hunting reality shows – National Geographic’s “Diggers” and Spike TV’s “American Diggers” – for turning the plunder of historical sites into entertainment. Both shows feature teams of extreme relic hunters who excavate backyards to uncover and then sell artifacts.

On a recent episode filmed in St. Augustine, “American Digger” host Ric Savage says he found Spanish gold and Civil War artifacts. The city of St. Augustine, the Society for American Archaeology, the Society for Historical Archaeology and the American Archaeological Society of America all oppose the shows, saying they destroy the archaeological value of sites, turn archaeology into a cheap treasure hunt and fail to educate the public about the importance of preserving history.

Bouquets to Riverside resident and commercial finance officer Mike Field for showing the city how hungry Jacksonville is for street food.

Field organized a food truck rally, Jax Truckies: The Jacksonville Food Truck Championship! to be held on March 31 at Bold City Brewery. All 300 tickets to the event were sold just four days after they went on sale. Field’s goal is to show how the fledging food truck culture in the city can be part of a vibrant – and delicious – urban core.

Bouquets to Team Somer at the Clay County Sheriff’s Office for setting an example for accessibility and transparency that should serve as a lesson to the more reticent local law enforcement agencies. After creating a file transfer site to make available to media all documents from the investigation into the disappearance and death of Somer Thompson, Sgt. Ken West, Det. Steve Coyne and Sgt. Wayne McKinney then sat with local media last week to answer what remaining questions there may have been about the case.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 9

Workplace Fallout

An employee is gone, another threatens to sue after a Folio Weekly story on the State Attorney’s probe of staff emails

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n the days following a Folio Weekly blog post about perhaps the most uncomfortable office Christmas party ever — at which employees were asked to sign petitions for their bosses’ re-election campaign (http://bit.ly/yJKERd) — State Attorney Angela Corey launched an investigation into employee emails. (As their employer, Corey has the right and power to search staffers’ emails.)

As Folio Weekly reported on Feb. 14 (“Mad as Hell,” http://bit.ly/zhVkDP), Corey’s office asked for a search for any emails addressed to “@folioweekly.com,” any emails with “photos” in the subject line (the original blog post included photos of the Christmas party), and all emails of six specific employees. Folio Weekly listed those employees by name.

As Folio Weekly later clarified, we did not claim, or report or intend to say that any of the employees named were providing information on a confidential basis to our newspaper or any other. However, in the days since the story appeared, one of those six employees was fired.

On Feb. 20, Corey fired investigator William Carlyle. Folio Weekly doesn’t know the reasons for his departure. The paper requested

In the aftermath of the story, Corey met with all six employees and instructed them to direct their anger toward Folio Weekly for publishing their names (presumably, instead of at her for searching their emails).

10 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

verification of Carlyle’s termination from the State Attorney’s Office on Feb. 29, but as of March 8, we had not received that confirmation.

However, several employees of that office, speaking to Folio Weekly on the promise of confidentiality, have confirmed his departure.

Jacksonville civil rights attorney William Shepherd is now representing Carlyle, and has submitted a massive public records request for everything in the State Attorney’s Office related to his client. Neither Shepherd or Carlyle would discuss what happened.

Other employees in the office say Carlyle was angry the day the Folio Weekly article appeared, because it was only through the article that he learned that his emails were being scrutinized.

Employees speculate that Carlyle’s troubles may have been exacerbated by his connections with Melissa Nelson, one of the private attorneys who now represent Cristian Fernandez, the teenager whom Corey is prosecuting for first-degree murder. Nelson’s name has also come up in

discussions of who might challenge Corey in her bid for re-election. (Other names include former State Attorney Harry Shorstein, school board member and attorney W.C. Gentry and criminal defense attorney Hank Coxe — but no one has yet filed to run.)

According to sources inside the State Attorney’s Office, in the aftermath of the story that revealed the email probe, Corey met with all six named employees. Several employees say they heard that Corey instructed the six to direct their anger toward Folio Weekly for publishing their names (presumably, instead of at her for searching their emails).

Another employee whose email account Corey’s office obtained in the search does fault Folio Weekly for associating her name with the investigation. Assistant State Attorney Rebekah Holt said the Folio Weekly article unfairly damaged her reputation, and explained her name was inadvertently linked to the matter because she was out of the office on vacation when Folio Weekly’s original Christmas party blog post appeared, so other employees forwarded it to her email. Holt says that she is, in fact, fiercely loyal to Angela Corey, and undeserving of being lumped with any employees who are under her scrutiny.

“Now my name will forever be associated with these actions thanks to this article being on the Internet,” Holt wrote in a Feb. 15 email to Folio Weekly. “I was somehow caught up in the round-about way your researchers obtained these names. Ms. Corey knows I was not the original caller [leaking information about the Christmas party]. YOU know I was not the original caller and yet, you choose to protect that person’s identity but threw mine out there without so much as a phone call for the chance to object or even make a comment.”

Folio Weekly was contacted by several of Holt’s family members asking her name be removed from the online story. Her attorney sent a letter seeking the same. On Feb. 29, Middleburg attorney Suzanne C. Quinonez wrote us a letter saying she’d been retained by Holt and demanding the article be completely scrubbed from the Internet so that a search of Holt’s name wouldn’t link to the story in search results.

Quinonez also asked for a written retraction. (See Mail, p. 5, for Quinonez’s entire letter.)

Folio Weekly responded in those discussions, and continues to believe, that publishing the names of the six State Attorney’s Office employees whose emails were searched by the State Attorney gave readers a fuller picture of events, one that was more credible for the detail. However, we agreed to append the original online story with a note that emphasizes Holt’s insistence that she is loyal to her boss and that she was never suspected.

In the meantime, State Attorney’s Office employees say the mood there has become more tense, and less collegial. Suffice it to say, those aren’t sentiments they will express via email.

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com

Mom … You’re Embarrassing Me! M

y mom is the worst. Not the way Rush Limbaugh or Hitler are the worst — but still … the worst. She’s not the kind of mother who steals and smokes your meth, or uses your forearm as an ashtray. She’s the kind of mom who murders you … with embarrassment.

Example: When I was 16, I had a lustrous, full head of hair that rivaled Fabio’s. It was the kind of hair that, when sexily tossed around any female, acted as an automatic panty-dissolving agent. In fact, my hair inspired a three-year scientific study to develop an ANTI-pantydissolving agent to lessen the effect of my brown, flowing locks. Ultimately, all that work was for naught, because eventually strategic portions of my gorgeous hair fell out, making my forehead almost double in size, thereby turning my head into nature’s own anti-pantydissolver. Life is the worst.

Anyway! One day, back when my wavy, touchable hair was at the peak of its hirsutical perfection, I was entertaining a gaggle of young hormonally charged ladies in my living

Perhaps my mother wouldn’t have ruined my one chance at a foursome had she known my forehead would double in size in the next few years. Or maybe she would’ve — because as I said earlier … SHE’S THE WORST. room, repeatedly tossing my locks in a carefree fashion. (I may have also been playing Barry Manilow’s “Mandy” on the guitar.) So you can understand my shock and horror when MY MOTHER crept up from behind, and started nonchalantly picking at my scalp.

“MOOOOOOM!” I not-at-all whined.

“What are you doing??”

“Nothing,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“I’m looking for head lice.”

I can still hear the shrieking peals of laughter from my female guests as they left.

Perhaps my mother wouldn’t have ruined my one chance at a foursome had she known my forehead would double in size in the next few years. Or maybe she would’ve — because as I said earlier … SHE’S THE WORST. Here’s another mom who’s the worst …

Ashley Judd as the mom in the new ABC action/adventure drama “Missing” (debuts Thur., March 15, 8 p.m.) Ashley plays middleaged mom Becca Winstone whose son is supposed to be studying in Europe, but is actually screwing around being kidnapped!

(Kids these days … ) Naturally, Mama Becca high-tails it to Italy where she finds her son’s empty apartment and … an assassin! Good thing Mom’s also an ex-CIA agent (did I mention that?); very handy when kicking assassin ass. Obviously deadly shenanigans are afoot, which means Mom is gonna have to search all of Europe for her boy, beating

the crap out of bad guys, and occasionally hysterically sobbing, “I am not CIA — I am a MOTHER! Looking for her SON!” Unngghhh!! She’s the WORST. If there’s anything more humiliating than being kidnapped by bunch of swarthy terrorists, it’s having your ex-CIA mother running around Europe trying to rescue you. I’m so glad I’m not that poor kid! Breaking people’s necks, engaging in scooter chases through Rome and randomly screaming “SON! WHERE … ARE … YOUUU??” is not exactly a panty-dissolver.

That would make me beg the kidnappers to kill me. So again … thanks a pant-load, Mom! This time you’ve embarrassed me … to DEATH. Literally!

(P.S. I still don’t have lice.)

TUESDAY, MARCH 13 9:00 FOX NEW GIRL Schmidt goes on strike when the rest of his dick housemates refuse to pull their weight.

9:30 NBC FASHION STAR Debut! Another “Project Runway” rip-off, featuring 14 designers squaring off to … SNOOOOORE!!

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 14 10:00 TLC MY CRAZY OBSESSION Tonight! A man who parents 5,000 Cabbage Patch Kids. THE DOLLS!!

THURSDAY, MARCH 15 8:00 NBC COMMUNITY Return! Troy and Abed face the biggest challenge of their lives … acting normal.

8:30 NBC 30 ROCK On St. Patrick’s Day, Dennis returns to offer Liz his shillelagh (and by that he, of course, means “penis”).

© 2012

FRIDAY, MARCH 16 8:00 TOON STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS Obi-Wan is forced to take drastic measures when Maul and Savage … zzzzzz. When does Spock show up?!?

SATURDAY, MARCH 17 9:00 SYFY LEPRECHAUN’S REVENGE (Movie) (2012) A leprechaun goes on a murder spree when humans steal his gold! (Does that mean I can keep his Lucky Charms?)

10:00 VH1 POP-UP VIDEO JERSEY SHORE Because it’s important to have pop-up reminders when Snooki is drunk and choking on her own vomit.

SUNDAY, MARCH 18 9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD Season finale! Rick and Carl return to the farm, and are surprised to discover “zombies” are the newest crop.

10:00 HBO EASTBOUND AND DOWN Kenny throws the mother of all Fourth of July parties! BYOBS! (Bring your own burn salve.)

MONDAY, MARCH 19 8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS Season premiere! Apparently there’s a brand new cast, but all I care about is one person: URKEL. 10:00 NBC SMASH Ivy’s confidence is shattered when her mom searches her scalp for head lice.

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey steve@portlandmercury.com

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 11

Foli

Feast of Snakes

Monster truck maven Madusa: Still carny after all these years

T

o understand my relationship to Madusa Miceli — known previously as “Alundra Blayze” and “Madusa Miceli” — it’s necessary to go back to the world of the mid-1980s. A simpler time in many respects; no Internet to distract the young folks from offerings on cable TV. Like many of that period, I probably defined myself way too much by the pop culture I was consuming. I liked relatively innocuous things: synthpop and Pop Rocks, horror movies on rented VHS tapes and professional wrestling.

As with barbecue sauces, wrestling in the 1980s had a number of regional variants, adherents of which always swore by their local flavor. Championship Wrestling from Florida, Georgia Championship Wrestling and MidAtlantic Championship Wrestling — the ones most around here would’ve grown up with, as Southern-fried as the veggie sampler at Cracker

Madusa was, ahem, noticeable, at a time when I was starting to notice women in a different way than I had earlier in my evolutionary development.

12 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Barrel. Other regions had their versions; the Northeast had its World Wrestling Federation, which took everything over sooner or later.

And the upper Midwest — that land of ninemonth winters and nine-day summers? They had rasslin’ too, in the form of the American Wrestling Association.

Fortunately for fans of that product, AWA was on nationwide Tv via ESPN, which gave the Minneapolis wrestling company up to 10 hours a week to showcase its wares. Unhappily for most, though, was the unavoidable reality: By the time the AWA went nationwide, their product was stale, their workers either too old or too young, and the company couldn’t maintain its talent base because Vince McMahon would sign anyone worth a damn and pay them more than the AWA. Despite these dire straits, despite practically everyone but AWA’s owner’s son and son-inlaw leaving when the crowds in Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois proved too sparse for real payouts, the AWA featured a couple of performers who looked like they had potential

for careers in the mat game. To wit: Madusa Miceli, billed from Milan, Italy, who was brought in and quickly pushed to the top of the women’s division.

Madusa was hot, in that 1986 way — big hair, big attitude. Her gimmick? She was Italian jetset royalty or some such, and she immediately found her groove working some of the best wrestlers of her generation. Madusa was, ahem, noticeable, at a time when I was starting to notice women in a different way than I had earlier in my evolutionary development. Even as the AWA died around her, drawing crowds that sometimes numbered below triple digits, with 55-year-old men pushed to the top of the cards, Madusa went out night after night and gave it her all for what had to be microscopic payouts.

I shared a couple of minutes with her on a recent Friday in WJCT’s green room, and what I noticed immediately about Madusa was that she was not one of those old rasslers still hung up on past glories. As opposed to her former lover, the ’70s and ’80s star Greg Valentine, who infamously showed up at a backyard promotion to work a match a couple of years ago, Madusa has created a niche in her new field of sports entertainment. Meeting her, I can see instantly why she succeeded in the first place: She understood, in sharp contrast to so many of her male contemporaries, that wrestling was just an entertainment vehicle, a way to get money.

This even as she talked of cutting “promos” on the local “First Coast Connect” show — inserts to promote her upcoming appearance, which is a throwback to the wrestling tradition of using every available moment to push the money match. The hard sell — something hipsters are so averse to — is what drives the mass culture, the monster trucks and the GMO meat, myriad mass-marketed Gravediggers, both real and metaphorical. Madusa learned that from masters — McMahon, Verne Gagne and many other old-school P.T. Barnum clones.

Of the current crop, Madusa seems to have the most use for WWE champion Beth Phoenix.

Even at 48, she looks like she can still go. But since the last time she did business with WWE owner McMahon, when she left his promotion as champ and threw his world strap in the trash on a rival promotion, chances are fans will never get to see an intergenerational match between Madusa and Phoenix, a physically dominant competitor who makes women’s wrestling look almost real.

AG Gancarski themail@folioweekly.com Twitter @AGGancarski

S

ince Folio Weekly first began tracking the region’s top residential water users and abusers, we’ve noticed a few trends. First, initial outrage over the purported “invasion of privacy” has evolved into a grudging acceptance that excessive use of our shared, imperiled water resources is grounds for exposure.

Second, JEA, the agency that tracks and somewhat reluctantly provides the water use records, has transitioned from following Folio Weekly’s lead (offering Water Hogs ad hoc water audits) to attempting to scoop us, by calling Hogs on the list even before providing the list* to FW staff.

Third, there’s the recurring, annual closed-door discussions about passing restrictive legislation to make residential water bills a state secret. Literally.

But one trend that had happily emerged over the years

*A list the magazine must pay for, despite the fact that JEA likes to use it for its own purposes. This year’s Water Hogs info cost $256.64.

reversed itself this year. After watching the water use of the Top 15 Water Hogs decline year after year, from 28 million gallons in 2007 to 19.8 million gallons in 2011, we saw it rebound this year to 21 million gallons. That’s still down from the inaugural high, but the uptick is troubling.

Perhaps water use is creeping up without JEA’s customers noticing, the way the pounds often pile back on once a dieter stops rigidly counting calories. Or maybe it’s a sign of economic recovery, like the increase in new car sales and the increase in hiring. Whether the Water Hogs suffer from benign obliviousness or huge water leaks, or are tired of living with lawn-watering restrictions (twice-weekly during Daylight Savings time, once a week the rest of the year), the proof is in the plumbing. The great Floridan Aquifer that lies under 100,000 square miles of Florida and parts of South Carolina, Georgia and Alabama, simply can’t keep up with the kind of strain it’s under.

And one person’s waste quickly becomes everyone’s burden.

As in past years, Folio Weekly asked JEA to provide us with

a list of the Top 50 residential water users, as well as a list of former Hogs for our “Where Are They Now?” section. We wrote to each of the Top 15 Hogs, left telephone messages at their homes and offices, and visited their homes where possible. Some Water Hogs who talked to us were prompted to take a critical look at their water consumption. Others said their water use spiked because of faulty plumbing or a burst water pipe. And something is surely wrong when long-vacant homes land on the list of top water users.

But publicity is a powerful motivator. It’s our hope that when people know how much water they’re using — and know that others know — they’ll be inclined to stop squandering and start conserving. As we’ve pointed out in years past, JEA has no trigger in its water meter database to alert the agency of a sudden spike in use or round-the-clock water use to indicate a problem. Until the day comes when Water Hogs are policed to better conserve the resource, the song remains the same. Hogs, you suck.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 13

Jimmy Lee & Sandra Smith Charter Court East, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club Market value: $1,333,357 Lot size: 80x169 feet Water used: 2,041,000 gallons

If gallons were Jaguars fans, the Smiths used enough to fill every seat in EverBank Field for all eight regular season home games for the next four years, or enough water to douse the Super Bowl’s winning coaches with 204,135 Gatorade showers.

Annual water bill: $12,992 Jimmy L. Smith was such a super-charged football player, he still holds the record as the Jaguars’ all-time leading receiver, even though he retired six years ago. Now he can also claim the title of Northeast Florida’s biggest, baddest water-waster. According to JEA records, Smith consumed more than 2 million gallons of water last year. That’s an awful lot of water — 456,000 gallons more than the No. 2 Water Hog. But Smith may not have simply opened the taps at his Queen’s Harbour home and let the water run. The Florida Times-Union reported he moved back to his hometown of Jackson, Miss., in 2009 after he was arrested on numerous drug charges here in Jacksonville. When he last made the list in ’09 as the No. 5 Water Hog (with 1.6 million gallons), Smith telephoned Folio Weekly and left a message saying he’d had a leak under the foundation of his 7,219-square-foot, fivebedroom/five-bath home. The following year, in ’10, water consumption at the Smith household dropped by 866,000 gallons, and in ’11, Smith didn’t even © 2012 rank among the Top 50 Water Hogs.

We don’t know why Smith’s water use experienced a career high this time around. He didn’t respond to an email inquiry, his gated community did not allow a reporter in, and telephone calls to the Jimmy L. Smith Foundation in Jackson weren’t returned. But he’s still listed as the owner of the Charter Court East mansion, and his name is still on the water bill. He may have gone to Jackson, but back in Jacksonville, the pipes need checking.

FolioWeekly

EverBank Financial Corp., Ortega Boulevard, Ortega Market value: $1,984,842 Lot size: .60 acres Water used: 1,585,000 gallons

14 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

If the water used at this address was divvied up among the 2 million underwater homeowners in Florida, they would each get three-quarters of a gallon.

Annual water bill: $9,734 Four years into the collapse of the housing market and the maw of the Great Recession, we have a new category of Water Hog — the bank-owned foreclosed home. This three-story, five-bedroom/three-bath home on the Ortega River has been vacant since it was conveyed to EverBank in lieu of foreclosure in 2010, but it still managed to consume enough water to land at the No. 2 Water Hog spot this year. We’ve heard of ghost mortgages; perhaps this home is occupied by a ghost family swimming in the pool, washing umpteen loads of laundry and luxuriating in hourlong showers. The utilities are listed in the name of the Florida Network LLC, a company affiliated with Prudential Network Realty. Prudential Realtor Linda Canady called Folio Weekly after JEA telephoned to alert the company to their Water Hog status.

She explained that while Prudential doesn’t own the house, “We were [aware of the water use], and I don’t know what was going on with it.” Canady continues, “We don’t know if neighbors were using it.” But even after contacting JEA and asking them to conduct a water audit of the property, she says, “We never could figure out why it was so high.” Whether or not it was the neighbors or a water leak, Canady says current bills confirm that the problem has been corrected.

Igor V. Makarov, Chelsea Lake Place, Deercreek Country Club Market value: $900,381 Lot size: 100 x 150 feet Water used: 1,578,000 gallons

That’s enough water to supply the needs of the six crew members aboard the International Space Station for 103 years.

Annual water bill: $10,391 Igor Makarov is the president of the locally headquartered Itera International Energy Company, a Russian energy giant the Times-Union once dubbed, “Jacksonville’s Most Mysterious Business.” In addition to selling natural gas and oil to Russia and the Baltic states, the company is involved in gold and coal mining, building oil rigs, commodities trading, timber and real estate holdings, plastics and concrete manufacturing, and the vodka business. The receptionist who answered the phone at Itera’s Gate Parkway offices explained in a thick Russian accent that Makarov was overseas and she wasn’t sure when he would return. Makarov’s Deercreek Country Club home is really two homes connected by a covered driveway. The 7,419 feet of greenish-tan stucco takes up most of the 100x150-foot lot, so there’s not much room for landscaping. But the front yard does feature a gurgling fountain and goldfish pond.

GreenPointe MF LLC, East Auburn Oaks Road, Northside

© 2012

Market value: $163,786 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,440,000 gallons If water were minutes, this Hog’s usage would be enough time to prepare 480,000 three-minute eggs.

Annual water bill: $9,574 GreenPointe is a subsidiary of GreenPointe Holdings, a creation of Jacksonville real estate developer Ed Burr (formerly of LandMar) which is ironically centered on the concept of “sustainable communities … built upon intelligent green principles,” according to the company’s website.

GreenPointe bought a bunch of vacant lots overlooking the Broward River in May 2010 for $3 million, and built a modest 2,242-square-foot two-story at 257 E. Auburn Oaks Road. Two years later, GreenPointe still holds the property in its name. Folio Weekly contacted GreenPointe Holdings to ask why the home used so much water and were promised a call from the president of GreenPointe’s homebuilding division, David Smith, but he’s not called back as of presstime.

Virginia A. Smyrles, Shipwatch Drive, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club Market value: $1,107,509 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,435,000 gallons

If water were college students, this is enough to replace the current student body of the University of North Florida 90 times.

Annual water bill: $9,766 Virginia Smyrles actually consumed 260,000 gallons more water this year than in 2009, when the Smyrles family was No. 16 on the Water Hog list. Folio Weekly was unable to determine whether or not her lawn is a squishy, high-maintenance green canvas: The home is locked away from view behind a gated subdivision with a security guard at sentry. But property records show the 5,069-square-foot, four-bedroom/four-bath home includes a pool and a four-jet spa. On Florida Division of Corporations, Virginia Smyrles is listed as the president of Florida Diversified Films, a company that manufactures coated paper bags and pouches. The business address of the company was switched from Miami to Shipwatch Drive in April 2011.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 15

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Karsten & Claudia Amlie, San Juan Drive, Ponte Vedra Market value: $1,212,017 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,413,000 gallons If water were text characters, the Amlies used enough to send 10,092 maximum-length Twitter messages.

Annual water bill: $8,148 The thickly turfed St. Augustine grass lawns along San Juan Drive, where media attorney Karsten Amlie and his wife Claudia live, require lots of rounds of the sprinkler systems to maintain. But the Amlies outdid their neighbors, sucking up 1.4 million gallons of water in 2011 to service their whitestuccoed, 7,124-square-foot, three-story home and tropical landscaping. The Amlies didn’t respond to a letter Folio Weekly sent to their house and we couldn’t find a current phone number. When we visited their spread, the family wasn’t at home.

Drayton Florence, Hala Court, Pablo Creek Reserve Market value: $1,149.093 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,362,000 gallons If gallons were interceptions, Florence used enough water to repeat his career high of 17 grabs more than 80,117 times over.

Annual water bill: $8,735 Buffalo Bills cornerback Drayton Florence leads the Bills in takeaways, including an interception returned for a touchdown against Minnesota in ’10, and he memorably “punked” Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez when he fake-lunged at him during a wildcat formation (see the video at http://bit.ly/z8j7Xe). If only the former Jaguar were paying that kind of attention to the 5,823-square-foot, five-bedroom/five-bath home he still owns behind the gates of Pablo Creek Reserve. Attempts to find out what’s up with the almost-1.4 million gallons of water the home used were unsuccessful. Calls to the Ocala native’s Drayton Florence Foundation in Oldsmar were not returned. Florence played for the Jaguars for only one lackluster season in ’08 before he was cut.

His great 2010 season with Buffalo was capped by a new three-year contract with the Bills for $15 million in July 2011.

Gary Hannon, Point La Vista Road South, Point La Vista Market value: $420,413 Lot size: .33 acres Water used: 1,354,000 gallons

©

16 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

If gallons were dollars, Hannon used enough for 156 honchos to take the $8,750 standard IRS deduction for head of household.

Annual water bill: $7,659 Accountant Gary Hannon was eager to share his water frustrations with Folio Weekly. When he received a phone call from JEA to tell him that he’d be on our annual Water Hogs list, he was baffled.

There are only two people living in the three-bedroom/ two-and-a-half-bath, brick Colonial, which at 3,804-square-feet is modest in comparison to other Water Hogs’ houses — and no pool.

“I know a lot of mansions in 2012Jacksonville must use more water than we do,” he said when Folio Weekly reached him at his accounting firm, Hannon & Associates. True, he said, they installed completely new landscaping and watered it heavily for a couple of months in late ’11 until it was well-rooted, but that still wouldn’t account for the 1.4 million gallons the Hannons used last year.

Hannon said he’d noticed the water bill had increased, but he’d attributed it to rate hikes, until he got that call. Now he says it doesn’t make sense. “It sounds extremely high,” he said. He asked JEA to come out to his house and check the meter to see if it is malfunctioning. But instead of checking his water meter, JEA checked the electric meter at his son’s apartment. It’s working just fine. “All I can say is that we are dealing with JEA right now,” he said. “What has passed has passed, but I can’t imagine we are one of the top water consumers.”

FolioWeekly

Kondaur Capital Corporation San Lorenzo Boulevard, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club Market value: $596,630 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,347,000 gallons If gallons represented the rate of foreclosed homes in Duval County just in January, the housing misery would continue for the next 158 years.

Annual water bill: $8,987 This foreclosed home was empty for most of last year, so Folio Weekly

really can’t hold new owners Matthew and Dawn Boren responsible for the drain on our water resources. But they might want to question their water bill on the five-bedroom/four-and-a-half-bath home that they bought just before the end of the fiscal year, in October 2011.

Eric & Kristina Gabriel, Ortega Boulevard South, Ortega Market value: $2,054,079 Lot size: 1.81 acres Water used: 1,317,000 gallons

If gallons were the years it takes to become a neurosurgeon — and that’s 14 to 20 years, kids — the water the Gabriels used could yield 65,850 more brain doctors.

Annual water bill: $9,641 In the five times that the Gabriels have been in the Top 50, they’ve consumed 5.1 million gallons of water. Last year, when the Gabriels landed at No. 16, Kim Gabriel said with great frustration that they’d inherited a problem with the swimming pool when they bought the home from former Jags coach Jack Del Rio in 2006 (himself a repeat offender at his Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club home). “It’s sinking,” she said. The Gabriels’ two-story, five-bedroom/five-bath brick home sits on almost two acres of live oak-shaded land, but the gate to the Gabriels’ estate on the Ortega River was locked and calls to the office of St. Vincent’s Brain & Spine Institute neurosurgeon Eric Gabriel weren’t returned.

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Dwelvin L. Simmons & Shyam B. Paryani, James Island Trail, Deerwood Country Club For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rU Market value: $1,522,323 Lot size: 3.19 acres FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 Water used: 1,311,000 gallons

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Annual water bill: $7,641 Radiation oncologist Dwelvin Simmons bought this five-bedroom/six-bath spread on almost four woodsy and heavily landscaped acres in Deerwood in February ’11. JEA provided water bills in both his name and in the name of the previous owner, Shyam Paryani, also a radiation oncologist. When Paryani owned the 8,031-square-foot estate in ’07, he was Water Hog No. 12. The home features a water fountain and a large swimming pool. In ’08, Paryani cut water use by 473,000 gallons, from 1,520,000 million to 1,049,000 gallons. Maybe next year, Simmons can beat Paryani at the water conservation game.

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WATER HOGS:

THE REST OF THE TOP 50 16. Kenneth P. Kuester 1,215,000 gallons, Marsh Lakes Drive, Fernandina Beach 17. Jennifer L. Stewart 1,196,000 gallons, Marsh Harbor Drive North, Arlington 18. Alyson S. Lee 1,194,000 gallons, Glen Kernan Parkway North, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club 19. Philip & Danielle Fremento 1,179,000 gallons, Bishop Lake Estates, Julington Creek 20. Laurence Raikes 1,178,000 gallons, Riding Club Road, Deerwood 21. David & Mary Garrard (repeat) (2010 ranking No. 29; ’11 ranking No. 18) 1,177,000 gallons, Royal Troon Lane, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club (The Garrards sold their home in December 2011 to Satyaprakash & Jennifer Krishnarao.)

22. Russell Seleven 1,177,000 gallons, Estates Lane, Beauclerc Gardens 23. James T. Meyer (repeat) (2010 ranking No. 22; ’11 ranking No. 40) 1,175,000 gallons, Queen’s Harbour Boulevard, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club 24. Debbie L. Park 1,173,000 gallons, Swilcan Bridge Lane North, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club 25. Bryant Skinner 1,172,000 gallons, Hollyridge Road, Deerwood 26. Peter E. Bower 1,168,000 gallons, Water Oak Lane, Ortega Forest 27. George W. Sears 1,165,000 gallons, Apache Avenue, Ortega

28. J.L. Linder Group Inc. (contractor) 1,110,000 gallons, Spider Lily Lane, Dinsmore (The newly built home was purchased

by Justin Brugh and Kendra Atkinson in July 2011, just before the end of JEA’s fiscal year in September ’11, meaning that most of the water use occurred during construction.)

29. J.F. Sessions 1,135,000 gallons, Woodgrove Road, Deerwood 30. Michael J. Ward 1,130,000 gallons, River Road, San Marco 31. E. Ellis Zahra Jr. 1,100,000 gallons, Mapleton Terrace, Colonial Manor 32. Tyson Alualu 1,088,000 gallons, Charter Court East, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club 33. Susan E. Dubow 1,066,000 gallons, Beauclerc Road, Beauclerc 34. Luther Coggin 1,060,000 gallons, Ponte Vedra Boulevard, Ponte Vedra 35. Jeff Parker 1,055,000 gallons, River Road, San Marco 36. Kimberly V. Cheiken 1,037,000 gallons, Forest Point Court, Beauclerc 37. Michael E. Locher 1,034,000 gallons, Wekiva Lane Way, Deerwood 38. Mattamy Homes & Winella Haynes 1,033,000 gallons, Amber Ridge Road, Arlington (Winella Haynes and husband Michael bought the newly built home in August 2011, just before the end of JEA’s fiscal year in September ’11, meaning that

most of the water use occurred during construction.)

39. Stephen Quazzo 1,024,000 gallons, Ponte Vedra Boulevard, Ponte Vedra 40. Adrian Roji & Anne S. Melton Inc. 1,021,000 gallons, Chandler Bend Drive, Pablo Creek Reserve 41. Bree Ringhaver Alban 1,011,000 gallons, Swilcan Bridge Lane North, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club (Alban telephoned to say the water use looks high because more than one property is on the meter. JEA, however, says that each property has its own meter.)

42. Norma Young 1,011,000 gallons, Floss Avenue, Whitehouse 43. David T. McClymont 1,009,000 gallons, Little Harbor Court, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club 44. Seda Construction Company/Meter and SVC & Kelly Fletcher 989,941 gallons, O’Sheas Place, Yulee 45. Theresa Ward 988,033 gallons, River Road, San Marco 46. J.E. Jackson 987,906 gallons, Hollyridge Road, Deerwood 47. Laura C. Allen 984,899 gallons, Ortega Forest Drive, Ortega Forest 48. Carolyn J. O’Malley 983,882 gallons, Bay Plantation Drive, Mandarin 49. Michael A. Stephens 975,168 gallons, Ortega Boulevard, Ortega 50. Benjamin M. Carter 971,637 gallons, Ponte Vedra Boulevard, Ponte Vedra MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 17

Lewis B. Walker, Timuquana Road, Westside Market value: $97,723 Lot size: 1.72 acres Water used: 1,256,000 gallons

If water were miles, Walker could hitch up an Airstream and drive from Jacksonville to Key West and back 1,234 times.

Annual water bill: $7,112 Lewis Walker has been a Water Hog for five out of the six years we’ve been outing the major residential water consumers in Northeast Florida.

And always, the home — a tiny and seemingly unoccupied bungalow with a leaf-blanketed yard — has seemed an incongruous user of so much water. Folio Weekly has not yet coaxed an explanation from Walker. A woman who answered the phone at his business (trailer park owner) phone number hung up on a reporter last year. This year, the phone rang and rang, and then disconnected. Since we started tracking Water Hogs in 2007, Walker has used 6.6 million gallons — enough water to give every single one of the 520,324 registered voters in Duval County 20 gallons of water.

Kage Crocker, Skylark Drive, Mandarin

Market value: $495,688 Lot size: 3.02 acres Water used: 1,261,000 gallons

If water were beer, Crocker could pour a daily pint for every resident of Hastings for the next 47 years.

Annual water bill: $3,027 Kage Crocker stopped on the way out the drive of his four-acre spread near Losco Regional Park to tell Folio Weekly that he’s not a Water Hog. He doesn’t even water the lawn, Crocker said — a claim that seems borne out by the acres of winter-crispy grass bordered by pine trees. Wearing a black jacquard jacket and faded torn jeans, Crocker — who owns a fencing company and fitness studios — was a cool customer, but he was obviously pissed about his dealings with JEA. He said that his bill mushroomed from $400 to $3,000 in one month last year. Since the meter is on the other side of the fence on this street where there’s acres between each neighbor, he didn’t notice a problem until he got the bill. By the time he found the leak — which was shooting water off his property and into a pond — his bill was $7,000.

Crocker fixed the leak, but JEA, which typically adjusts a water bill if a customer finds and fixes a leak, only forgave half the bill. Crocker wasn’t about to pony up $3,000 to the utility. Instead, he shut off his utilities and then turned them back on in a friend’s name. “I’m not a Water Hog,” he said.

Carl L. & Kim Spadaro, Ponte Vedra Boulevard, Ponte Vedra Beach Market value: $1,314,186 Lot size: Not available Water used: 1,237,000 gallons

If water was the liquid inside classic lava lamps, the Spadaros would have enough to fill 61,850 psychedelic goo-lights.

Annual water bill: $7,006 Carl and Kim Spadaro keep a summer home in Ponte Vedra Beach that’s the sort of manse a Florida Cracker would build if he had money and wanted to live in high style. The creamy white stucco with brown trim features deep wrap-around porches on both stories, and a tin roof. Carl Spadaro, CEO and president of Earthcore, a Jacksonville-based company that manufactures cleanburning fireplaces out of pumice from a volcano in southern Iceland, phoned to explain that something’s wrong if their Ponte Vedra Beach home is a Top 15 water consumer. The couple doesn’t live full time at the address or even at the other home they own on Ponte Vedra Boulevard. They spend most of their days at a seven-bedroom/five-and-a-half-bath estate on Heaven Trees Road on the St. Johns River in San Jose.

Spadaro joked that a neighbor had commented on how kind it was of the family to leave a hose out so that everyone on their Ponte Vedra street could pull up plastic lawn chairs and wash their dogs. But he couldn’t imagine that activity amounting to 1,237,000 gallons of water. “That would fill the St. Johns River!” he said. “That’s really crazy.” He hadn’t been contacted about the excessive use by JEA, but he contacted them after we called him. “We’re working on it,” Spadaro says. “I assume something is wrong.

We are not in the habit of using a lot of water.”

• INSTALL efficient toilets and showerheads.

• CHECK for leaks. An easy way to see if you have a problem: Check your meter, don’t use any water in the house, and check it again after a couple of hours. If the reading is different, you likely have a leak.

Hinton F. Nobles, Richmond Street, Avondale

Market value: $4,099,950 Lot size: 1.26 acres Water used: 1,256,000 gallons

If water were cups of Daily’s 99-cent coffee special, there’d be enough to fill 78,500 cups.

Annual water bill: $8,574 Attention, Aubrey and Elizabeth Edge: You might want to have your water audited and your pipes checked at your new Avondale home. The Edges bought the stately brick home that overlooks the St. Johns River from Hinton Nobles shortly before the end of JEA’s fiscal year in ’11 (which is the period Folio Weekly looks at water use – Oct. 1-Sept. 30). In ’08’s Water Hogs II, the Nobles came in at No. 12, but the following year, they’d cut their water use by 712,000 gallons and they haven’t been in the Top 50 since – until now. Though the Nobles are No. 14 this year, they still used 237,000 fewer gallons than in Water Hogs II. The large home sits on 1.17 acres, shaded by live oaks and trimmed with long beds of white and pink azaleas. Folio Weekly was unable to reach the Nobles regarding their water use. Aubrey Edge is the president of First Coast Energy, which owns or operates 200 gas stations in Florida, including the Daily’s chain. He contacted Folio Weekly to say he’s working on several fronts to conserve water at his new home.

18 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

• WASH your car and your dog on your lawn.

• COLLECT rainwater in a bucket or drum and use it to water plants.

• SHOWER with a bucket, and use the water you collect to water plants.

• TRY XERISCAPING. Replace your thirsty grass (St. Augustine grass is one of the worst) and waterguzzling plants with drought-proof grasses and plants.

Websites with information on native and drought-tolerant landscaping:

affn.org

Association of Florida Native Nurseries

floridayards.org

A project of the Florida Springs Initiative of FDEP

floridawaters.com/ waterwiselandscape

St. Johns River Water Management District

solutionsforyourlife. ufl.edu

University of Florida IFAS Extension service has tons of information and contacts for local county extension offices.

1. Gary & Christine Granfield Worth Drive East, Ortega 2011 cycle: 2,237,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 125,948 gallons Difference: Down 2,111,052 gallons To reduce water use by 2-plus-million gallons sounds like the couple deserves a water conservation prize, but the Granfield household underwent some changes in 2011. The couple split up, and the home’s power was turned off mid-year.

2. Lewis B. Walker Timuquana Road, Westside 2011 cycle: 1,889,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 1,266,000 gallons (No. 12) Difference: Down 623,000 gallons Walker — who was Water Hog No. 13 in ’07, No. 36 in ’08, No. 26 in ’09 — is clearly SOME PIG, the only person to land on the Water Hogs list every year we’ve been doing the ranking.

3. Mohamed & Gracie Al Saleh Campbell Avenue, Harbor Point 2011 cycle: 1,490,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 589,933 gallons Difference: Down 900,067 gallons Saleh, who was No. 3 in ’09 and No. 26 in ’08, cut his water use dramatically last year. He was also the subject of a Folio Weekly cover story, “Searching for Dr. Detox,” which detailed his sideline as a Vegas magician, his strange and varied entrepreneurial efforts, and his complicated home life. Read the full story at http://bit.ly/wUHzat.

4. James T. Meyer Queen’s Harbour Boulevard, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club 2011 cycle: 1,333,000 gallons 2012 cycle: No. 23 at 1,175,000 gallons Difference: Down 158,000 gallons Meyer landed at No. 22 in 2008 and No. 40 in 2009, meaning this year’s cycle makes for a rare fourpeat.

5. Mark & Laurie Shumer Gelman Epping Forest Way South, Epping Forest 2011 cycle: 1,314,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 355,023 gallons Difference: Down 958,000 gallons Employment and entertainment attorney Mark Gelman telephoned while Folio Weekly was preparing Water Hogs V to say he and his wife were water-conscious consumers, but they’d had a pipe break under their home. The proof is in their dramatic drop in water use this cycle — and the couple deserves credit for fixing the problem.

6. Jeff Parker

12. Jack Del Rio Glen Kernan Parkway East, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club 2011 cycle: 1,099,000 gallons 2012 cycle 104,952 gallons Difference: Down 994,048 gallons Del Rio was fired as coach of the Jaguars in November, but he’d already sold his Glen Kernan home in May 2008. Though this year’s decline in its water use is impressive, the home recorded no water use for several months. Del Rio was previously Water Hog No. 5 in 2007, and No. 25 in 2008.

River Road, San Marco 2011 cycle: 1,272,000 gallons 2012 cycle: No. 35 at 1,055,000 Difference: Down 217,000 gallons Parker, chairman and CEO of ParkerVision, landed at No. 17 in 2009, making a showing as a Water Hogs threepeat.

7. Jeanette Vann C. Holmes Shipwatch Drive East, Queen’s Harbour Yacht & Country Club 2011 cycle: 1,255,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 904,878 gallons Difference: Down 350,122 gallons Jeanette Vann C. Holmes, pastor at Hope Chapel Christian Assembly Ministries, was a Water Hogger three times, and two of those years were for a house on Oak Landings Drive, making her the only Hog to pig out at multiple addresses.

8. Tim & Holly Finchem

9. Charlie Farah Glen Kernan Parkway East, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club 2011 cycle: 1,217,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 733,888 gallons Difference: Down 483,112 gallons Personal injury attorney Eddie Farah promised last year that his law partner brother would cut his water use, and indeed, he cut it by more than half. Guess Eddie has powers of persuasion outside the courtroom, too.

Ponte Vedra Boulevard, Ponte Vedra 2011 cycle: 1,245,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 866,027 gallons Difference: Down 378,973 gallons JEA acknowledged in Water Hogs V that PGA Tour Commissioner Finchem’s water meter had malfunctioned. Several people who were shocked by their water use suspect JEA’s electronic and wireless meter reading is out of whack.

10. Bree Ringhaver Alban Swilcan Bridge Lane North, Glen Kernan Golf & Country Club

2011 cycle: 1,150,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 1,011,000 gallons (No. 41) Difference: Down 139,000 gallons An executive at the family business Ring Power Corp., Alban says her Water Hog status reflects the use of several homes combined, but JEA says every home is metered individually.

11. Robert I. Lufrano James Island Way, Deerwood 2011 cycle: 1,142,000 gallons (No. 11) 2012 cycle: 781,959 gallons Difference: Down 360,041 gallons Lufrano, president and CEO of Blue Cross Blue Shield of Florida, was No. 15 in ’09, and continues to slim down his Hog status.

FEEL LIKE VENTING,

ELUCIDATING, OR JUST

WEIGHING IN?

13. Rankle & Jodie Marchman Woodmere Drive, Lakeside Park 2011 cycle: 1,058,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 817,886 gallons Difference: Down 240,114 gallons The Marchmans landed at No. 25 in 2008 and No. 36 in 2009, but yay! They’re out of the Top 50 this year!

14. Angelo & Lani Ferrer Wakeview Drive, Orange Park 2011 cycle: 1,039,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 16,950 gallons Difference: Down 1,022,050 gallons The water service was stopped at the Ferrers’ Orange Park home mid-year in 2011.

15. Kenneth A. & Paula Horn Beauclerc Road, San Jose 2011 ranking: 1,032,000 gallons 2012 cycle: 492,954 gallons Difference: Down 539,046 gallons Last year, Paula Horn explained that the couple’s home had a broken pipe. Since that has been fixed, the Horns’ water use has dropped dramatically.

Folio Weekly welcomes

Backpage Editorials on topics ranging from education, crime, mental illness and substance abuse to personal and political experiences of every stripe.

Submissions should be 1,200 to 1,400 length and topics of local interest words in length, take precendence.

Get your word out! Email your Backpage submissions to Editor Anne Schindler at themail@folioweekly.com

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 19

March 17, 2012 8 a.m. to 11:00 a.m.

Join other volunteers to collect litter and debris from multiple sites around the city.

There will be site staff on hand to register volunteers and provide trash bags, gloves and tickets.

Advanced registration is not required. Volunteers 18 and younger must be accompanied by an adult.

After the cleanup, volunteers will gather at Riverside Arts Market from noon to 2 p.m. where tickets can be redeemed for refreshments and T-shirts (while supplies last).

To learn more, visit www.coj.net, keywords “St. Johns River Celebration” or call Keep Jacksonville Beautiful at 630-3420 Keep Jacksonville Beautiful... ...it belongs to you!

© 2011

20 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Fo

Reasons to leave the house this week POLITICS PRESIDENT CLINTON

When William Jefferson Clinton was elected 42nd president of the United States in 1992, the man from Hope, Ark., was history’s third youngest president, a factor that had galvanized younger Americans to vote, helping the former Arkansas governor win two terms. Clinton’s administration was defined by political centrism, a strong economy and a scandal that scuttled other priorities. (Locally, Bill Clinton introduced the catchphrase “define sexual relations” to Folio Weekly’s breakroom lunch crowd.) Since leaving office, Clinton has published three bestselling books and remained involved in issues ranging from HIV/AIDs relief to alternative fuels. Clinton speaks on Mon., March 19 at 7 p.m. at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S. Tickets range from $35-$85. 209-0367.

,

ROCK A`LA WEIRD FRANKENSTEIN BROTHERS

Northeast Florida music lovers looking to get their freak on can find joy with the melodious mutant stylings of the Frankenstein Brothers. The twisted brainchild of innovative guitar virtuoso Buckethead (Mike Patton, Bill Laswell, Serj Tankian, Guns N’ Roses circa 2000-’04) and the one-man band That 1 Guy (who plays his own handcrafted experimental instruments à la Harry Partch), the pair play music ranging from full-on metal to avant garde sonic explorations — often in the same tune! Frankenstein Brothers perform with electronics tuba-and-drum duo Wolff and Tuba on Thur., March 15 at 8 p.m. at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $20. 246-2473.

SOUL TYRESE

EXPERIENCE HENDRIX

Four decades after his death at age 27, mercurial guitarist Jimi Hendrix still has a pervasive influence as deafeningly loud as his signature wall of amplifiers. The Experience Hendrix Tour features an all-star lineup of musical greats, including former Hendrix bassist Billy Cox, Robby Krieger (of The Doors), Jonny Lang, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Bootsy Collins, Robert Randolph, Eric Johnson, David Hidalgo and Cesar Rosas (Los Lobos), Dweezil Zappa, Brad Whitford (Aerosmith), Chris Layton (Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble), The Slide Brothers and Mato Nanji (Indigenous). The celebration of all things Hendrix is held on Fri., March 16 at 8 p.m. at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine. Tickets range from $29.50-$79.50. 209-0367.

R&B singer, rapper and actor Tyrese got his first big break in the early ’90s in TV commercials.

Since then, the 33-year-old L.A. native has released five albums of R&B and hip hop featuring artists like Ludacris, while appearing on TV shows “Martin” and “Moesha” and starring in more than a dozen films, including “Baby Boy” (’01) and a recurring role in the “Transformers” series.

Tyrese performs on Sun., March 18 at 7:30 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $60.

355-2787.

THEATER FOUND IN TRANSLATION

The Arab-American comedy “Shoufou Alwawa Wayn?” (translated as “Where Does It Hurt?”) follows the families of Im Hussein and Im Elias as they try to adapt to the American way of life while dealing with such universal problems as bickering, foreclosure, bankruptcy and even murder threats. Presented

by AJYAL, the first-ever touring Arab-American theater group, “Where Does It Hurt?” is the latest comedy from Lebanese-American Najee Mondalek, who’s been called the Jerry Seinfeld of ArabAmerican comedy. The play is staged on Sat., March 17 at 8 p.m. at T-U Center’s Terry Theater, 300 W. Water St., downtown. Tickets range from $45-$75. 633-6110.

PUNK THE BUSINESS

UK punkers The Business first head-butted their way into the hearts of fans in the late ’70s as pioneers of their homeland’s anthemic-driven “Oi!” movement. The lovable South London louts are longtime activists for various anti-racism causes. Their first single, 1981’s “Harry May,” hit No. 13 on the UK indie chart while the self-explanatory “England 5 – Germany 1,” written after a World Cup qualifying match in ’01, became a bona fide football anthem in Great Britain. The Business play with Downtown Struts and Nine Tenths on Sat., March 17 at 9 p.m. at The Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $10. 799-7123.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 21

22 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Kings for a Day (or at least until your parents come home and ground your ass for life): The protagonists of “Project X” live it up.

Dead Man’s Party

Bad jokes and no direction join forces in the latest needless teen romp Project X *@@@

Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

C

urious readers should know up front that I am not particularly fond of Judd Apatow movies. As a director (“The 40 Year Old Virgin” and “Knocked Up”), he’s only intermittently funny. When he produces (“Wanderlust,” “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”), I try to avoid his efforts, knowing from experience that I probably won’t like them.

Judd Apatow neither produced nor directed “Project X.” Whatever his faults, even he has better taste than to be associated with an endeavor like this. Nonetheless, his influence is obvious. “Project X” (led by Todd Phillips of “The Hangover” series) is basically “Superbad” revisited, with all of that film’s excesses ratcheted to full exploitation. That means more vulgarity, profanity and sex — and utter tastelessness substituted for wit. That said, if you thought the scene in “Superbad” when Jonah Hill got menstrual blood on his jeans after being humped by a drunk broad was funny, then “Project X” is just the movie for you.

Everyone connected with “Project X” is more or less an unknown, and one hopes it stays that way. The script is by newcomers Matt Drake and Michael Bacall, with direction (such as it is) from Nima Nourizadeh. Though the concept smacks of a minimal budget, the movie concludes with a riot scene that must’ve cost considerably more than the filmmakers first conceived.

Like “The Blair Witch Project,” the “Paranormal Activity” flicks and, most recently, “Chronicle,” “Project X” purports to be “found” footage; in this case, a video recording of a teen birthday party gone to hell (or maybe teen heaven, if you’re into booze, drugs and topless girls). The birthday boy is Thomas (played by Thomas Mann), a geeky Michael Cera-wannabe. His best friend Costa (Oliver Cooper) is modeled on the Jonah Hill character from “Superbad” — slimmer, infinitely more obnoxious and correspondingly less funny.

The third wheel in the group is chubby J.B.

(Jonathan Daniel Brown), whose comic highlight is a shot in his underwear with an unconcealed hard-on. Such is “Project X.” The movie opens with Thomas’ parents leaving for the weekend, entrusting their son with the care of the house and his birthday present, the family van. His insufferable pal Costa immediately picks up on the possibilities of a weekend without the folks, and organizes a birthday party for Thomas so that the three friends can become more popular in high school and eventually get laid. Mayhem ensues, of course, as the usually quiet neighborhood is invaded by literally thousands of teen partygoers with nothing on their minds but booze and sex, and some unexpected dope.

A few adults manage to worm their way into the proceedings, too, including a little person (Martin Klebba). His comic moment comes when he escapes from the oven — into which he’s been stuffed by some of the morons — and proceeds to slug each of the offending young males in the groin. Again, such is “Project X.” Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about the dog.

At one point, the frolicsome kids connect the cute family terrier onto a bunch of helium balloons. Rescued by Thomas before drifting off to Oz, the little mutt enjoys himself later by humping a taciturn basset hound. I didn’t stick around for the credits to see if “Project X” got any kind of certification from the usual animal groups, but I doubt it. To the credit of their species, the dogs looked considerably more embarrassed by the proceedings than their witless human counterparts.

Though the antics are supposedly all filmed on handycam by the occasionally glimpsed Dax (Dax Flame), “Project X” plays it extremely loose with convention, cutting away freely to whatever shot or angle tickles the fancies of editor and director. Unlike its predecessors in the horror and sci-fi genres, the new movie makes not the slightest pretense at reality or imagination.

The result plays like a staged version of “Girls (and Guys) Gone Wild,” a bunch of idiots making fools of themselves at the viewers’ expense. It’s a good thing that we can decide to simply not watch.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 23

24 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

FILM RATINGS **** HOMER AND JETHRO ***@ SIEGFRIED AND ROY **@@ FRICK AND FRACK *@@@ CHEECH AND GINGRICH

NOW SHOWING

ACT OF VALOR **G@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This action film tells the story of Bandito Platoon, an elite team of Navy SEALs sent on a global manhunt to topple a deadly terrorist plot and save a CIA operative who’s been kidnapped. Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano and actual Navy SEALs star in this patriotic thriller.

THE ARTIST ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Pot Belly’s, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., Sun-Ray Cinema @ Five Points An Oscar favorite, “The Artist” is director Michel Hazanavicius’ expertly rendered tale of 1927 silent film star George Valentin’s (Jean Dujardin) personal and professional life, played out at the advent of “talkies.” Fate, metaphor and romance are explored with supporting efforts from Bérénice Bejo, Penelope Ann Miller, John Goodman and Missi Pyle.

Shot entirely in black-and-white with no dialogue, “The Artist” reminds us why we still fall in love with stories told on the silver screen.

CHRONICLE ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown This sci-fi film from writer-director Josh Trank and co-writer Max Landis follows the misadventures of a trio of teens (Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan) documentary-style, with “found” footage allegedly retrieved from their video cameras. After they develop telekinetic powers, the laughs die down and the body count rises when the troubled Andrew (DeHaan) decides to use his powers for darker purposes.

THE DESCENDANTS **** Rated R • Epic Theatre St. Augustine The latest from writer-director Alexander Payne features Oscar-worthy performances from George Clooney and Shailene Woodley in the story of a reluctant patriarch and his quirky family who are troubled in paradise and find real family values in Hawaii.

DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX **G@ Rated PG • MC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., San Marco Theater, WGV IMAX Theater Reviewed in this issue.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE *@@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Nicolas Cage continues his successful campaign of starring in a movie every two weeks in this silly sequel to the ’07 film based on the Marvel Comic. Johnny Blaze (Cage) must rescue Satan’s (Ciarán Hinds) preteen son Danny (Fergus Riordan) with the help of cycle-riding priest Moreau (Idris Elba). Throw in some tattooed monks (led by Christopher Lambert), bad acting and some over-the-top special effects, and you have a film that leaves a fiery sensation right in the ass of any discerning movie lover.

GONE **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues A year after barely escaping the clutches of a serial killer, Jill Conway (Amanda Seyfried) discovers her sister Molly (Emily Wickersham) has been abducted by the very same guy. Time is running out and, with no leads or help from the police, Jill has no choice but to track the psycho down herself. This enjoyable take on “the hunter becomes the hunted” is the first English-speaking film from Brazilian director Heitor Dhalia.

GOOD DEEDS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This latest from Oprah-sanctioned auteur Tyler Perry is about

“The Swedish have never understood my work!” Eddie Murphy reacts to the news that his “Norbit” film did not win the Ingmar Bergman Award for Cinematic Austerity & Excellence, in the comedy “A Thousand Words.”

AREA THEATERS

AMELIA ISLAND Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., 261-9867 ARLINGTON & REGENCY AMC Regency 24, 9451 Regency Square Blvd., 264-3888 BAYMEADOWS & MANDARIN Regal Avenues 20, 9525 Philips Highway, 538-3889 BEACHES Regal Beach Blvd. 18, 14051 Beach Blvd., 992-4398 FIVE POINTS 5 Points Theatre, 1028 Park St., 359-0047 NORTHSIDE Hollywood River City 14, River City Marketplace, 12884 City Center Blvd., 757-9880

ORANGE PARK AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Road, (888) AMC-4FUN Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., 621-0221 SAN MARCO San Marco Theatre, 1996 San Marco Blvd., 396-4845 SOUTHSIDE Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., 998-2122 ST. AUGUSTINE Epic Theatres, 112 Theatre Drive, 797-5757 IMAX Theater, World Golf Village, 940-IMAX Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., 829-3101

wealthy businessman Wesley Deeds (Perry) whose priorities begin to change when he becomes involved with struggling single mother, Lindsey (Thandie Newton), who’s just been evicted. Perry’s 11th film co-stars Jamie Kennedy, Brian J. White and Rebecca Romijn.

SAFE HOUSE ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in this enjoyable albeit predictable action flick from director Paul Greengrass (the “Bourne” films). Rookie CIA operative Matt Weston (Reynolds) has finally hit the big time after nabbing rogue agent Tobin Frost (Washington). But when killer mercenaries attack the agency’s South African “safe house,” Matt and Tobin are on the run — and the young agent learns justice and loyalty aren’t guaranteed.

THE IRON LADY ***@ Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Pot Belly’s Meryl Streep stars in the critically acclaimed historical drama about Margaret Thatcher and her journey from a grocer’s daughter to prime minister of the United Kingdom for nearly a dozen years which earned her the nickname “The Iron Lady” for her hard-line, conservative policies. Jim Broadbent co-stars.

JOHN CARTER **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This latest sci-fi epic is based on the writings of “Tarzan” creator Edgar Rice Burroughs. After Civil War veteran John Carter (Taylor Kitsch, aka bad boy Tim from “Friday Night Lights”) mysteriously wakes up on the planet Barsoom (or “Mars” to us Earth folks), he discovers that the fate of his home planet is in his hands as he is thrown into the middle of a raging war. Willem Dafoe and Lynn Collins co-star in the intergalactic thrill ride.

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Luiz Guzman and Michael “I needed the money, mate” Caine star in this familygeared film about a teenager’s adventure on a remote island in the South Pacific.

PROJECT X *@@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

RAMPART ***G Rated R • Cinemark Tinseltown Woody Harrelson stars in this powerful crime-drama about a corrupt L.A. cop who’s reckless in his personal life. Costarring Anne Heche, Cynthia Nixon, Steve Buscemi, Ned Beatty, Ice Cube and Robin Wright.

RED TAILS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park The WWII-era drama, starring Terrence Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr., chronicles the true story of 13 African-American cadets training to be fighter pilots, who became known as the heroic Tuskegee Airmen.

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY **@@ Rated G • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Regal Avenues This animated family fare features the voices of Bridgit Mendler, Amy Poehler, Will Arnett and David Henrie. Arrietty (Mendler) and her family are tiny beings who live in the recesses of a suburban home — and “borrow” items … like that spool of thread you swear you left on the table. When she befriends the 12-year-old human boy Shawn (Henrie), they fear the relationship will be trouble for the smaller inhabitants.

A SEPARATION ***@ Rated PG-13 • Regal Beach Blvd.

This Iranian import and Academy Award-winner for Best Foreign Language Film stars Leila Hatami, Peyman Moaadi and Shahab Hosseini in the story about the trials and tribulations of a middle-class couple going through a divorce.

SILENT HOUSE **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The horror/thriller stars Elizabeth Olsen (whom we call “the cooler, less-crazy Olsen sibling”) as a young woman trapped inside her family’s remote cabin, where things that go bump in the night are getting homicidal. As an interesting device, the action and narrative in this spooky, atmospheric flick play out in the “real time” of the 88 minutes that occurs onscreen.

STAR WARS: EPISODE I THE PHANTOM MENACE 3-D **@@ Rated PG • AMC Regency Square George Lucas’ little indie sci-fi film gets the deluxe 3D IMAX treatment, which gives filmgoers another chance to hate Jar Jar Binks — this time in 3-D! Liam Neeson and Ewan MacGregor star in the prequel to the “Star Wars” saga.

THIS MEANS WAR **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This lightweight rom-com stars Chris Pine and Tom Hardy as two CIA agents locked into a heated contest over the affections of Reese Witherspoon. A superficial story and mediocre performances from the cast make “This Means War” a pointless crusade for those questing quality entertainment.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 25

The Mustard Seed Cafe

Located inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items. Daily specials include local seafood, freerange chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available — all prepared with Stephanie Christopher’s impeccable style. Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.-Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net 833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Lulu’s at The Thompson House

Lulu’s owners, Brian and Melanie Grimley, offer an innovative lunch menu, including po’boys, salads and seafood “little plates” served in the gardens of the historic Thompson House. Dinner features fresh local seafood (Fernandina shrimp is the focus every Thursday), and nightly specials. An extensive wine list and beer are available. Open for lunch and dinner Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations are recommended.

11 S. Seventh Street 904-432-8394

PLAE Restaurant & Lounge

Located in the Spa & Shops at Amelia Island Plantation, PLAE serves bistro style cuisine. The full bar lounge at PLAE has become an instant classic, with artistic décor and live entertainment nightly.

Now you can PLAE during the day, too! Open for lunch Tue.-Sat. 11:30 a.m.-2:30p.m. Open at 5:30 p.m. for dinner daily; reservations accepted.

80 Amelia Village Cir. 904-277-2132

Moon River Pizza

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family.

Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beers. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

The Surf

Enjoy a casual beach atmosphere in the full-service restaurant, bar and huge oceanview deck. Extensive menu features delicious steaks, fresh seafood and nightly specials. Also featuring salads, wraps, burgers, seafood baskets and our famous all-you-can-eat wing specials (Wed. & Sun.). Take-out available. Open at 11 a.m. daily for lunch, dinner and latenight menu. Entertainment nightly and 29 TVs throughout.

3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-261-5711

The Palace Saloon

It’s been the cornerstone of downtown Fernandina Beach since 1903. Florida’s oldest continually operating bar serves great bar food, including 10-oz. burgers, gourmet hot dogs, New York-style pizza and our famous Fernandina Fish & Chips. And you never know when Uncle Charlie’s ghost will join you for lunch and a cocktail! Pirates Punch, full liquor bar and over 100 craft beers to choose. Catch all the games on 13 giant screens every Sunday. Open daily noon-2. thepalacesaloon.com 117 Centre Street 904-491-3332

Cafe Karibo

Homemade sandwiches, salads and soups are served in a relaxed atmosphere in this charming building in the historic district. Delicious fresh fish specials and theme nights (Pad Thai and curry), plus vegetarian dishes, are also featured. Karibrew Brew Pub & Grub — the only one on the island — offers on-site beers and great burgers and sandwiches.

27 N. Third Street 904-277-5269

29 South Eats

This chic, neighborhood bistro has it all — great ambience, fantastic food, an extensive wine list and reasonable prices. The eclectic menu offers traditional world cuisine with a modern whimsical twist and Chef Scotty Schwartz won Best Chef in Folio Weekly’s 2007 Best of Jax readers poll. Open for lunch Tues.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., for dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m. Mon.Thur., till 10 p.m. Fri. and Sat. Brunch is 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Sun. 29southrestaurant.com 29 S. Third Street 904-277-7919

Brett’s Waterway Café

Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660

T-Ray’s Burger Station

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items.

In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go!

Now serving Beer & Wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

Jack & Diane’s

The locals’ favorite hangout! Dine inside or on the patio of this cozy, renovated 1887 shotgun home in historic downtown Fernandina. From the crab & shrimp omelet to the steak & tomato pie, “The tastiest spot on Centre” offers food with attitude and unexpected flair. Live music elevates your dining experience to a new level. Come for breakfast, stay for dinner! You’ll love every bite!

708 Centre Street 904-321-1444

Sliders Seaside Grill

Oceanfront dining at its finest. Award-winning crab cakes, fresh daily seafood specials and homemade desserts. Sliders has Amelia Island’s only waterfront Tiki Bar, as well as a children’s playground and live music every weekend. The dining experience is complete with brand-new second-story banquet facilities, bar and verandah. Open at 11 a.m. daily, with happy hour from 4-7 p.m. Mon.-Fri. Make Sliders Seaside Grill your place to be for friends and family, entertainment and the best food on the East Coast. Call for your next special event.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-277-6652

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville 26 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

A THOUSAND WORDS **@@ PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Fast-talking literary agent Jack McCall (Eddie Murphy) wakes up one morning and discovers a beautiful magic tree in his backyard. The only problem with the new landscaping is that chatty Jack discovers that every time he says a word, a leaf dies. And when the last leaf drops (a thousand, to be exact), Jack’s a goner! Kerry Washington, Cliff Curtis and Clark Duke also star in this latest comedy from funnyman Murphy.

THE VOW **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The rom-com genre hits bottom with this silly sentimental tripe about a woman (Rachel McAdams) who suffers amnesia after a head injury. Now her hubby (Channing Tatum) tries his damnedest to love her all over again and remind her that true love is never forgotten — unless, of course, it’s delivered through 90 minutes of gushy drivel from director Michael Sucsy. Jessica Lange and Sam Neill climb aboard for this hardly promising cinematic snooze ride.

WANDERLUST *@@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston star in this directionless exercise in “city slicker”-style comedy as a couple of Manhattan urbanites who (ahem) wander into a hippie enclave in Georgia. Justin Theroux, Alan Alda and Malin Akerman costar in the latest from director David Wain (“Role Models.”)

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN **@@ Rated R • Opens on March 16 at Regal Beaches, Sun-Ray Cinemas Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly star in director Lynne Ramsay’s psychological thriller about the troubled relationship between mother Eva (Swinton) and her increasingly evil 15-year-old son, Kevin (Ezra Miller).

THE WOMAN IN BLACK ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Regal Avenues Daniel Radcliffe makes his adult role debut as recently widowed attorney Arthur who goes to a remote British village to settle a dead woman’s account. There he encounters eccentric locals and meets a murderous spirit known as The Woman in Black. Ciarán Hinds and Misha Handley co-star in director James Watkins’ certifiably spooky picture.

OTHER FILMS

SUN-RAY CINEMA “Bullhead” and “Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie” are screened at Sun-Ray Cinema@5 Points, 1028 Park St., Jacksonville. The theater also screens “The Artist” and “Shame” through March 15. “Albert Nobbs” and “We Need to Talk About Kevin” open on March 16. Call 359-0047 for showtimes. sunraycinema.com LATITUDE 30 CINEGRILLE “Sherlock Holmes 2” and “Alvin & The Chipmunks:

Chipwrecked” are currently running at Latitude 30’s new movie theater CineGrille, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside.

Call for showtimes. 365-5555.

WEEKEND NATURE MOVIES “Moth & Butterfly” screens at 10 a.m. and 1 p.m. on March 17, 18, 24, 25 and 31 at GTM Research Reserve Environmental Education Center, 505 Guana River Road, Ponte Vedra. 823-4500.

THE CHANGING SEA Osprey Eco-Films present a free screening of this documentary at 7 p.m. on March 19 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. A panel discussion featuring members of UNF’s Coastal Biology program follows. 620-2878.

POT BELLY’S CINEMA “The Artist,” “Carnage,” “The Iron Lady” and “My Week With Marilyn” are shown at Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine. 829-3101.

WGHOF IMAX THEATER “Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax” is screened along with “Under the Sea,” “Forces of Nature,” “Legends of Flight 3D,” “Rescue 3D,” “The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest,” “Born To Be Wild 3D” and “Hubble 3D” at World Golf Hall of Fame Village, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. 940-IMAX. worldgolfimax.com

NEW ON DVD & BLU-RAY JACK AND JILL The comedy offering from the Adam Sandler Brain Trust features the former-SNL-castmember-turned-frat-boypinup/star of such groundbreaking cinematic films as “Happy Gilmore” and “The Waterboy” playing dual roles as Jack and Jill Sadelstein, siblings trying to survive the Thanksgiving holidays.

THE SKIN I LIVE IN Robert Ledgard (Antonio Banderas) is a brilliant albeit disturbed plastic surgeon who has created an experimental synthetic skin that can withstand any form of damage. He gets to try out his new creation when a beautiful, mysterious woman with an equally haunted past shows up in his life.

Murder, sex changes and carnival season (!) are filtered through the lens of director Pedro Almodóvar’s trippy, inventive Spanish thriller.

FOOTLOOSE This remake of the ’80s film stars Kenny Wormald as a Boston teen who moves to the Deep South only to discover — egads! — that dancing is not only frowned upon but nay … dare we say it? … banned by local killjoy clergyman Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid). Folio Weekly is sending out a distress signal to Kevin Bacon!

SENNA This critically acclaimed documentary from director Asif Kapadia tells the story of Brazilian motor-racing champion Ayrton Senna, who seemed destined for international sports glory until his untimely death at age 34 in the mid-’90s.

Through interviews and race footage, “Senna” is an ambitious film that reveals the late Formula One racecar driver to be an interesting and complex subject, delivered in one poignant cinematic vehicle.

“Smiles, everyone!” Tilda Swinton and John C. Reilly star as the parents of an increasingly malevolent child in the edgy, psychological thriller “We Need to Talk About Kevin,” opening on Friday, March 16.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 27

Product of Its Environment

This hyper-commercialized adaptation of the Dr. Seuss classic is all “bark” and no bite Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax **G@

Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., San Marco Theater, WGV IMAX Theater

T

©

he “message movie,” when delivered with a light, non-preachy approach, can be an entertaining and even informative cinematic experience. Sadly, “Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax,” much like the “Happy Feet” films before it, has all the subtlety of an ax to a truffula tree.

Yes, environmentally friendly themes are important to impart to impressionable young minds, but in this case, the pedantic tone is so overbearing, it’s hard to enjoy the animation, songs or even sweet story.

Based on the Dr. Seuss classic of the same name, the film picks up in Thneedville, where everything is made of plastic and Mr. O’Hare (voiced by Rob Riggle), a corrupt mayorturned-businessman, provides piped-in fresh air. The residents accept this, except for teenager Audrey (Taylor Swift). She longs to see a real tree, and so 12-year-old Ted (Zac Efron) knows what he has to do to impress her: find an actual and elusive woody plant.

After some advice from Grammy Norma (Betty White), Ted ventures outside the enclosed, prison-like Thneedville and 2011 encounters The Once-ler (Ed Helms), a monsterlike recluse who lives at the top of a booby-trapped tower. The Once-ler tells Ted how he got there (by destroying trees, natch) and, through a series of flashbacks, we meet The Lorax (Danny DeVito), the guardian of the forest whose job is to stop idiots like us from destroying nature.

What will kids learn from this? Trees provide air, life, color and beauty. Cut them down and the world will be full of darkness

FolioWeekly

and despair. Oh, and big business is bad.

It’s an amusing premise for the producers to sell, since — as several pundits have noted — the film has more product tie-ins (70) than any other movie in cinematic history. The degree to which reality clashes with the message of the original Seuss book recently became fodder for an inspired segment by Stephen Colbert, which culminated in this poem: This cashtaculous sellout is not quite enough — I’m demanding more branding of Loraxian stuff !

With what you can buy, boy, the sky is the limit — A Filet-O-Fish meal with real hummingfish in it!

Filmmakers, get cracking! The market is lacking a splendiferous Lorax-themed drill made for fracking!

Or the fine, certain something that all people need — indeed, you’ll succeed if you sold us a Thneed!

They’re easy to make, if you only take all the truffula tufts off the trees by the lake — they’re comfy and thick as the thick ironies of the Lorax and Seuss hawking big SUVs. There will no doubt be parents who find the movie’s message timely and on point while others may view it as heavy-handed.

I’m not here to judge the merits of the film’s message, let alone delve into a socioeconomic discussion. My question is far simpler: Will your children enjoy the film?

In a word, yes. The songs are peppy and upbeat, and though the 3D animation isn’t impressive, it does look decidedly “Seussian,” which is surely a good thing. Amusing bits are dabbled throughout, the action scenes are entertaining and the voice work is solid.

“Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax” certainly isn’t a bad movie, but it is its own worst enemy.

Stumped: Danny DeVito voices the tree-loving title character in “Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax.”

28 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Dan Hudak themail@folioweekly.com

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Legendary crooner Tony Bennett performs at St. Augustine Amphitheatre on Tuesday, March 20.

TONY BENNETT Tuesday, March 20 at 8 p.m.

St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine Tickets range from $35-$85 209-0367

T

he most touching moment at this year’s Grammy Awards came not during poignant memorials for Whitney Houston or Etta James, but when American vocal titan Tony Bennett accepted the award for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group. Joining him to celebrate the success of “Body and Soul” were the parents of his duet mate Amy Winehouse, who died four months after recording her last song with Bennett. As Bennett looked on, Mitch Winehouse tearfully said, “We shouldn’t be here. Our darling daughter should.”

Though Winehouse left us at the relatively tender age of 27, Bennett at 86 is still going strong, recording and touring with a vengeance. And in truth, the duet with the drug- and drink-addled British bad girl wasn’t even the unlikeliest pairing of his career.

The 2006 release, “Duets: An American Classic,” teamed him with the Dixie Chicks, Paul McCartney, Elton John, Billy Joel, Tim McGraw, Celine Dion, Elvis Costello and John Legend. “Duets II” was even more adventurous, as Bennett collaborated with John Mayer, Queen Latifah, Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood, Mariah Carey and Lady Gaga.

(The last combo resulted in a fascinating behind-the-scenes story in The New Yorker, by legendary journalist Gay Talese: http://nyr.kr/AwozGt.) Surprisingly, the man born Anthony Dominick Benedetto has more in common with tortured young prodigies like Winehouse and Gaga than you’d think. Though he seems like a throwback to a kinder, gentler musical era, he’s endured similar personal and professional peaks and valleys. He achieved stunning commercial success with early ’50s pop ditties like “Because of You,”

“Rags to Riches” and “Blue Velvet.” Screaming teenaged fans were the norm at his shows, and 2,000 women famously dressed in black to protest his first wedding in 1952. TV variety programs and Broadway show tunes like “Stranger in Paradise” followed, but Bennett upped his artistic cred by embracing jazz in the late ’50s, even becoming the first male vocalist to sing with Count Basie’s legendary swinging orchestra.

But like so many other Rat Pack-era pop stars, Bennett struggled to remain relevant once rock ‘n’ roll crashed the scene. All the classic bedevilments followed: piles of debt and no income, a devastating cocaine addiction, two failed marriages, the IRS attempting to seize his assets. With his singing career nearly ruined, Bennett even contemplated returning to his childhood roots as a painter. And then one of the greatest comebacks in American

The man born Anthony Dominick Benedetto has more in common with tortured young prodigies like Winehouse and Gaga than you’d think. musical history occurred. Bennett hired his sons Danny and Dae as manager and sound engineer, and they helped reintroduce their father’s old-fashioned swagger to the retroobsessed ’90s. Bennett began plying his Great American Songbook on late-night TV, alt rock radio and MTV, and homage albums “Perfectly Frank” (for Sinatra) and “Steppin’ Out” (for Fred Astaire) both earned him Grammys for Best Traditional Pop Vocal Performance in ’92 and ’93. Those were his first awards since “I Left My Heart in San Francisco” cleaned up 30

years prior, but ’94’s “MTV Unplugged: Tony Bennett” really sealed the deal. Not only did he drop the famous quip, “I’ve been unplugged my whole career,” he also bagged two other musical holy grails: platinum sales and a Best Album of the Year Grammy.

Bennett’s achievements could fill an encyclopedia: He’s founded two high schools of the arts in New York City, appeared on “American Idol,” won two Emmys to complement his 17 Grammys, and earned lifetime achievement awards from the Kennedy Center, ASCAP, Billboard, the United Nations and the National Endowment for the Arts. Politically, Bennett is no buttoned-down old-timer, either. Since witnessing the horrors of WWII’s Battle of the Bulge, he’s been a vocal pacifist. He marched alongside Martin Luther King Jr. in Selma, and more recently has emerged as an astute if controversial pundit. In 2011, he explicitly blamed American military actions in the Middle East for the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, and just last month, he called for America to implement an Amsterdam-style legalization of all drugs.

Through it all, Bennett has remained a singer’s singer, a technically proficient perfectionist widely admired by fans, contemporaries and critics alike. On every tour, Bennett makes a point of performing one song without amplification to showcase his lifelong bel canto vocal discipline. And he practices his scales each day, telling The New Yorker last year that, “The first day you don’t do the scales, you know. The second day, the musicians know.

The third day, the audience knows.”

And though some may think time is running out on being able to see Bennett perform, he still has no designs on retiring.

Way back in 1999, he told the New York Times, “If you study the masters — Picasso, Jack Benny, Fred Astaire — right up to the day they died, they were performing. If you are creative, you get busier as you get older.”

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly.com MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 29

30 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Cowboy Bebop

Lyle Lovett finds a home on the widest range of artistic endeavors LYLE LOVETT and JOHN HIATT Friday, March 23 at 8 p.m.

St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine Tickets range from $29.50-$49.50 209-0367

I

32 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

t says a lot about America’s artistic attention deficit disorder that Lyle Lovett is still famous mostly for his quirky pompadour — and his brief marriage to Julia Roberts. But it’s always easy to turn a steady, uncompromising musician like Lovett, whose cache of tunes runs the gamut from country to jazz to swing to folk to blues, into a Hat Trick: Singer-songwriter Lyle Lovett. caricature of himself. His voice creaks and groans like fellow iconoclasts Randy Newman and Guy Clark; his guitar lines breed horses. In 2002, he was even mauled by swoop and shimmy like fellow expert pickers one of his own bulls, but he just chalked it up to Ray Benson and Willie Nelson, and his wry the regular order of things. “That bull was just wit knifes through the B.S. like fellow outlaws doing what he does naturally,” he told Esquire.

Townes Van Zandt and Steve Earle.

“I learned to keep my guard up and allow him And like those artists, Lyle Lovett is an to be himself. That’s my definition of respect.”

American original at his core, a man still firmly The injury didn’t just threaten Lovett’s occupying the same artistic ground he grew up musical way of life, though — it also on in the ’70s and ’80s. Every single one of his jeopardized his acting career, which began in albums has been released through his original 1992 when director Robert Altman cast him in label, Curb Records, although February’s “The Player.” Lovett met Julia Roberts on set, “Release Me” represents the final fulfillment and the two fell hard for each other, eloping of his contract with the iconic country label. after only three weeks and generating classic Echoing Lovett’s ironic humor, it even features tabloid headlines like “Pretty Woman Marries cover art depicting him tied up in rope; in a Ugly Man.” Less than two years later, the couple January interview with Esquire, he said, “My divorced, though they are reportedly still records have sold enough to make the record friends. In her 1998 film “Stepmom,” Roberts company money to help me keep my job. A even sang “If I Needed You,” a broken-hearted record company doesn’t keep you because they Townes Van Zandt ballad that Lovett had like you. They keep you because you make recorded and released the same year. them money.”

Since “The Player,” Lovett has appeared in Even though he’s regarded as one of 10 films, including three more of Altman’s, and America’s best living songwriters, Lovett has a handful of TV shows. He’s also written and never shied away from liberally mixing covers performed tunes for “The Crying Game,” “Toy Story,” “Deadwood” and “True Blood.” He even into his repertoire. The Montreal Gazette made his stage debut in a 2010 Shakespeare recently called him “one of popular music’s Center of Los Angeles production of “Much greatest underachievers,” but it’s a joke that Ado About Nothing.” Lovett told Garden Lovett is happy to get in on. & Gun earlier this year that he relished the “I’ve always thought that writing isn’t really relative anonymity of acting. “With my music, that hard,” he told Esquire. “It’s having a good I’m responsible for everything … When I act, I idea that’s hard.” As for never having a song place higher than No. 10 on the Billboard get to be a guy in the band. I just show up and charts? All good, according to Lovett. “I’ve do something very specific.” never been burdened by having an actual On his March tour, Lovett is doing something very specific, as well: He’s ditching hit. There’s something to that. I’ve never had his usual backing orchestra to perform intimate anything so firmly ingrained in the mind of the acoustic sets with troubadour John Hiatt. public that I’m expected to repeat it.”

It might be Lovett’s way of slipping quietly Perhaps it was Lovett’s eclectic upbringing into that good musical night — or it might that made him realize fame wasn’t the be-all, represent a fresh start at age 54. Either way, end-all of a musical existence. His parents both Lovett remains bemused at the path his career worked for Exxon, but had him in guitar, choir, has taken. “I’ve never been ready to do a single tap and ballet lessons by age four. He grew up thing I’ve ever done in my life,” he told an working his great-great-grandfather’s farm, but interviewer. “You can never be ready. There’s left home to study journalism at Texas A&M. just so much to know.”

He’s got four Grammy Awards and six gold records under his belt, but he still lives on the Nick McGregor family plot, helping his uncle raise cows and themail@folioweekly.com

promise of benefit

Ask for Action

Produced by ab Checked by

Ingrid Damiani

Eat, Play, Love

sUpport

Jennifer Chase and friends cook up a little romantic reverie around her latest play A workshop performance of Jennifer Chase’s “Artichoke Soup” Sat., March 17 at 8 p.m.; VIP reception from 6:30-7:30 p.m.

Players by the Sea, 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach Admission is $20; $40 for VIP (includes CD and wine reception) 249-0289 Proceeds benefit JASMYN playersbythesea.org jasmyn.org

J

ennifer Chase has been telling tales again. And for Northeast Florida folks Jennifer Chase unveils her latest work at Players by the Sea. who enjoy a good story, this is a very good thing. songs from the CD “Artichoke Soup” with a In 2000, inspired by a trip to Senegal, Chase band featuring percussionist Jon Farmer, cellist penned the musical drama “Majigeen,” which Linda Menke, bassist Donovan King, and multichronicled the true life of a 19th-century Senegalese teenaged slave who became the instrumentalist (and former Folio Weekly A&E plantation owner Anna Kingsley (of Kinsley editor) John E. Citrone — whom Chase credits Plantation, Ft. George Island). A decade later, with much of the sound of the album.

Chase wrote the drama “Handmaid” about a “John essentially made me rewrite most of Latin American painter struggling to honor a the songs,” jokes Chase. delayed commission.

During the play, dramatic scenes are Now the longtime area playwright, musician, complemented by black-and-white films by author and educator (jennchase.com) has Antonio Sarte, and the workshop performance cooked up a blend of fact and fiction in her offers a casual presentation of the work latest savory endeavor, “Artichoke Soup.” In a that can border on behind-the-scenes. “It is work she calls “autobiographical fiction,” Chase absolutely a work in progress,” says Chase. tells the story of an American musician named “But, at the same time, if you charge for tickets, Justine who shares a musical and, ultimately, you have got to give them a real performance.” romantic collaboration with a man named Chase feels confident in what she calls “a Albert while traveling in France. Chase admits committed cast” of all parties involved. Adding that the play was inspired by what she calls a to an already colorful evening, PBTS displays “dark period” that occurred many years ago. But “artichoke”-themed visual art by local artists she acknowledges mythologizing some elements. Jim Smith, Madeleine Peck, Kathleen King, “You know when you are needy and Wendy Tatter, Ingrid Damiani and Nadine probably read more into relationships than Terk, in the lobby. And the premiere of what they are?” she asks. “Artists tend to like “Artichoke Heart” doubles as a fundraiser for that kind of misery, that ‘neediness.’ ” JASMYN, a nonprofit safe haven for local gay, In the story, Justine must come to grips with lesbian and bisexual youths. her feelings when her lover Albert arrives in This type of community-based America for a visit — with his wife and son in collaboration is old hat to Players by the Sea, tow. Over the years, Chase herself has had to according to PBTS director Joe Schwarz. “We let go of what she calls “exaggerated memories” are a community theater in the purest sense,” that had simmered for years. he says, describing what he believes is another “Sometimes you are not willing to tell positive, symbiotic and hopefully successful the truth,” Chase believes, “unless you can relationship of sharing resources among the fictionalize it.” A workshop performance of the arts, community and social causes. “The less we play, staged on March 17 at Players by the Sea, see each other as ‘competition’ and the more directed by Christopher P. Farrell, features a we see each other as collaborative partners, the cast of predominantly FSCJ students including stronger we all are.”

Eva Sonnenberg Matthews, Ben Jackson, Kat Dan Brown Minor and Carole Coburn. Chase also performs dbrown@folioweekly.com

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 33

Sal

34 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

FreebirdLive.com 200 N. 1st St., Jax Beach, FL • 904.246.BIRD (2473)

CONCERTS THIS WEEK

FEEL NEVER REAL Local rockers Feel Never Real play at 8 p.m. on March 13 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

STACEY EARLE, MARK STUART This husband-and-wife musical duo performs at 8 p.m. on March 13 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

CHIVALRY, PLAYING FOR KEEPS, ABDOMEN CANVAS These metal and HC bands are on at 8 p.m. on March 14 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. 799-7123.

FRANKENSTEIN BROTHERS The progressive rock duo, featuring Buckethead and That 1 Guy, performs at 8 p.m. on March 15 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $20. 246-2473.

ACOUSTIC EIDOLON This ensemble plays at 8 p.m. on March 15 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10.

399-1740.

DUBLIN TRAIN WRECK Celtic rockers appear at 9 p.m. on March 15 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

BILLY & TREVOR This musical duo is on at 10 p.m. on March 15 at Poe’s Tavern, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7637.

SPADE McQUADE Celtic rocker McQuade performs at 9 p.m. on March 15 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

NERVER, TWO MINUTE WISH, THE MAGISTRATE Seven Mary Three offshoot band Nerver plays at 7 p.m. on March 16 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

WILL PEARSALL Dobro-playing bluesman Pearsall appears at 7 p.m. on March 16 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

355-9791.

SPEAKING IN CURSIVE, PAPA MILLION, LUNA’S VIEW The indie rock starts at 8 p.m. on March 16 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

YOUNG THE GIANT, GROUPLOVE Alt rockers Young the Giant play at 8 p.m. on March 16 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. 246-2473.

EXPERIENCE HENDRIX TOUR: BILLY COX, BUDDY GUY, DWEEZIL ZAPPA, ROBBY KRIEGER, ROBERT RANDOLPH, ERIC JOHNSON, KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD The all-star celebration of the music of Jimi Hendrix kicks off at 8 p.m. on March 16 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine. Tickets range from $29.50-$79.50.

209-0367.

RICKETT PASS, EVERYMEN, SS WEB, MUDTOWN These punk bluegrass and country acts perform at 9 p.m. on March 16 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Admission is $6. 799-7123.

3 THE BAND Local trio 3 the Band plays at 9 p.m. on March 16 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

SAVANNAH JACK This country rock combo plays at 9 p.m. on March 16 at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

JAY GARRETT Singer-songwriter Garrett performs at 9 p.m. on March 16 at Cliff’s Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Rd., Jacksonville.

645-5162.

BREAD AND BUTTER The all-covers alter ego of local jam faves Chroma performs at 10 p.m. on March 16 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 381-6670.

ALEX SEIER Singer-songwriter Seier is on at 10 p.m. on March 16 at Poe’s Tavern, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7637.

TOURN Local rockers Tourn plays at 10 p.m. on March 16 and 17 at Your Place Bar & Grill, 13245 Atlantic Blvd., Jacksonville. 221-9994.

RED AFTERNOON, KIM RETEGUIZ & THE BLACK CAT BONES, WILL PEARSALL Americana band Red Afternoon is featured with Kim Reteguiz & the Black Cat Bones at 10 p.m. on March 16. Red Afternoon appears with Will Pearsall at 10 p.m. on March 17, both at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. Admission is $5.

247-6636.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Road Less Traveled is on at 10:30 a.m., CedarBlue performs at 11:45 a.m. and Eric Bowden appears at 2:30 p.m. on March 17 under the Fuller Warren Bridge at Riverside Avenue, downtown. 554-6865. riversideartsmarket.com FIONN MACCOOL’S ST. PATTY’S DAY Spade McQuade performs at 10:30 a.m., Road Less Traveled plays at 2 p.m., Clay County Fire Fighters Pipes & Drum Corps is on at 5:30 p.m., Dublin Train Wreck at 6 p.m. and Savannah Jack at 9:30 p.m. at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 374-1547.

AL STONE Jacksonville-based blues singer Stone performs at 3:30 p.m. on March 17 at Tuckers Hwy. 17 Tavern, 850532 U.S. Hwy. 17, Yulee. 225-9211.

DANNY DIABLO, TOO PHUCKS, ILL ROC SOLDIERS, DRP, TKO THROWDOWN KID These local heavyweights play at 7 p.m. on March 17 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

JOSHUA WICKER Indie singer-songwriter Wicker plays at 7 p.m. on March 17 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. 355-9791.

JAMES ROGERS Rogers, a country artist from Dollywood, performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 17 at Englewood High School Auditorium, 4412 Barnes Rd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15. Proceeds benefit Englewood athletics programs. 716-2324.

BOBBY LEE RODGERS, BONNIE BLUE Jam band guitar shredder Rodgers plays at 8 p.m. on March 17 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $10. 246-2473.

THE MOODY BLUES British rock legends The Moody Blues appear at 8 p.m. on March 17 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine. Tickets range from $39.50-$79.50. 209-0367.

MARVIN’S ROOM, NAMELESS GUARDIAN These local rockers take the stage at 8 p.m. on March 17 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

RUCKUS The NEFla rockers perform at 9 p.m. on March 17 at Cliff’s Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Rd., Jacksonville.

645-5162.

The Best Live Music in St. Augustine!

“Join us for Blues, Rock & Funk�

March 16 & 17 Crabgrass March 18 Brent Byrd

,JOH 4USFFU t 4U "VHVTUJOF t

Frankenstei n Brothers feat.

BUCKETHEAD/THAT 1 GUY/Wolff FRIDAY MARCH 16

YOUNG THE GIANT Grouplove

SATURDAY MARCH 17

PRE-WANEE PARTY FEAT. BOBBY LEE RODGERS

BONNIE BLUE FRIDAY MARCH 23

A Dying Regime SATURDAY MARCH 24

KATCHAFIRE Common Kings/N’Nova JAHMEN MONDAY MARCH 26

HOT CHELLE RAE

Action Item/Electric Touch THURSDAY MARCH 29

TORNADO RIDER FREEBIRD

Catfish Alliance

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

THURSDAY MARCH 15

FRIDAY MARCH 30

FRONTIERS (Journey Tribute)

Mon-

Men’s Night Out Beer Pong 7pm $1 Draft $5 Pitchers Free Pool ALL U CAN EAT CRABLEGS

Tues-

Texas Hold ’Em STARTS AT 7 P.M.

Wed-

Bar Bingo/Karaoke ALL U CAN EAT WINGS KIDS EAT FREE FROM 5 P.M. TO 9 P.M. HAPPY HOUR ALL NIGHT

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Thurs- DJ BG w/Cornhole Tournament 2 FOR 1 DOMESTIC DRAFTS, WELLS AND HOUSE WINE

1904

Fri-

Yummy 9:30pm 1/2 PRICE APPS-FRI (BAR ONLY) 4-7PM DECK MUSIC 5-9 P.M.

Sat-

Susie Kite 9:30pm DECK MUSIC 5-9P.M.

SATURDAY MARCH 31

BREATHE CAROLINA

THE READY SET

ASHLAND HIGH/MATT TOKA Romance on a Rocketship THURSDAY APRIL 5

Cannibal Corpse Exhumed/Abysamal Dawn/Arkaik SATURDAY APRIL 14

TIM REYNOLDS TR3 (Dave Matthews guitarist)

Sons of Bill WEDNESDAY APRIL 18

GWAR

Ghoul | Kylessa

Legacy of Disorder UPCOMING SHOWS 4-20: 4-21: 4-25: 5-2: 5-9: 5-10: 5-20: 5-26:

The Maine Rockville Rumble Finals Steel Pulse/Innercoastal Mickey Avalon/Andre Legacy Whitechapel/Miss May I Beach House Tribal Seeds One

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 35

THE BUSINESS, DOWNTOWN STRUTS, NINE TENTHS Punk legends The Business are on at 9 p.m. on March 17 at The Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $10. 799-7123.

KARL W. DAVIS Jam scene fave Davis plays at 9 p.m. on March 17 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

CANARY IN THE COALMINE Americana group Canary in the Coalmine performs at 10 p.m. on March 17 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville.

381-6670.

BLAST & THE DETERGENTS, JUST SATELLITES, THE MOLD, THE DAIRY This indie rock snugglefest kicks off at 10 p.m. on March 17 at Shantytown Pub, 22. W Sixth St., Jacksonville. 798-8222.

GOLIATH FLORES Multi-instrumentalist Flores performs at 1 p.m. on March 18 at Three Layers Café, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. 355-9791.

DAVID RUSSELL Singer-songwriter Russell plays at 5 p.m. on March 18 at European Street Café, 992 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. 399-1740.

SVET The hip-hop violinist performs at 7 p.m. on March 18 at European Street Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $5. 399-1740.

MANNA ZEN, TREE OF LIFE, NEWBORN RANSOM, TREES SETTING FIRES These area bands battle onstage (for a chance to appear at this year’s Welcome to Rockville Festival in April) at 7 p.m. on March 18 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $8. 398-7496.

TYRESE R&B singer and rapper Tyrese performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 18 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $60. 355-2787.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

WILSON PHILLIPS March 21, The Florida Theatre ANOUSHKA SHANKAR March 22, The Florida Theatre BLACK LIPS, MEMPHIBIANS March 22, Jack Rabbits THE DOYLE DUO March 23, Three Layers Cafe

FILL

36 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

NOBBY FEST: ALLIGATOR, THE COUGS, THE 2416, STIFF BINDLES, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY March 23-25, Nobby’s EMMA’S REVOLUTION CD Release Party March 23, Unitarian Universalist Church of Jacksonville BIG ENGINE March 23 & 24, Cliff’s Bar & Grill LYLE LOVETT & JOHN HIATT March 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIKE BERNOS BAND March 23, Mojo No. 4 SCREAMIN’ EAGLE March 23, Lillie’s Coffee Bar COMEBACK KID, FOUNDATION, CLOSE YOUR EYES, SUCH GOLD, LIVING WITH LIONS March 23, Brewster’s Pit THE LOOTERS March 23, Dog Star Tavern DJ MASEO (De La Soul), $BIG BUCKS$ CREW March 23, Phoenix Taproom SUWANNEE SPRINGFEST: YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND, JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE, LARRY KEEL & NATURAL BRIDGE, JASON ISBELL & THE 400 UNIT, DONNA THE BUFFALO, RANDALL BRAMBLETT & GEOFF ACHISON, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, WHETHERMAN March 23-25, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park KATCHAFIRE, COMMON KINGS, N’NOVA March 24, Freebird Live PATTY LARKIN, MICHAEL RENO HARRELL March 24, Flagler College LES DEMERLE ORCHESTRA with BONNIE EISELE March 24, Omni Hotel & Resort Amelia Island GRAMMERTREE CD Release March 24, Phoenix Taproom GREAT ATLANTIC MUSIC & SEAFOOD FESTIVAL: MICHAEL BURKS, SIMPLIFIED, SOL DRIVEN TRAIN, RACHEL WARFIELD, SPLIT TONE, THE DRUIDS March 24, Jax Beach ROCCO BLU March 24, Mojo No. 4 DR. DAN, THE LOOTERS March 24, Dog Star Tavern BRIE CECIL March 24, Three Layers Cafe ERIC CULBERSON March 24, Mojo Kitchen GOLIATH FLORES March 25, Three Layers Cafe GLEN CAMPBELL March 25, The Florida Theatre JOHN EMIL March 25, Poe’s Tavern THE REVIVAL TOUR: CHUCK RAGAN, DAN ANDRIANO, TOM GABEL, CORY BRANAN March 25, Jack Rabbits HOT CHELLE RAE, ELECTRIC TOUCH, ACTION ITEM March 26, Freebird Live TAKE OFFENSE, XIBALA, SOUL SEARCH March 28, Phoenix Taproom

TORNADO RIDER March 29, Freebird Live CARRIE NATION & THE SPEAKEASY March 29, Dog Star Tavern JUDY COLLINS, AMY SPEACE March 29, FSCJ Wilson Center for the Arts SAM PACETTI March 29, European Street Café San Marco FIVE BY SEVEN March 30 & 31, Cliff’s Bar & Grill BREAD AND BUTTER March 30 & 31, Fionn MacCool’s Jax Beach JAKE SHIMABUKURO March 30, The Florida Theatre SAWYER FAMILY, HANK HALL MUDTOWN March 30, Phoenix Taproom BUCK WILD (Lagwagon), HURRICANE GUN, WHALEFACE, THE RESONANTS March 30, Nobby’s OUIJA BROTHERS March 30, Three Layers Cafe SUZY BOGGUSS March 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall LYNCH MOB March 30, Brewster’s Pit FRONTIERS (Journey Tribute) March 30, Freebird Live 3RD STONE March 30, Dog Star Tavern WHETHERMAN, RED AFTERNOON March 31, Mojo Kitchen BREATHE CAROLINA, THE READY SET March 31, Freebird Live ALAINA COLDING March 31, Three Layers Cafe BAY STREET March 31, Mojo No. 4 DEE DEE BRIDGEWATER March 31, The Ritz Theatre & Museum ANTIQUE ANIMALS March 31, Phoenix Taproom CANNIBAL CORPSE, EXHUMED April 5, Freebird Live RAEKWON April 5, Brewster’s Pit GALLAGHER April 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BE EASY April 6, Poe’s Tavern FRAMING HANLEY April 6, Brewster’s Pit INFINTESMAL BBQ: PERMANENT MAKEUP, STATE CHAMPION, GIGGLE GIVER, MEMPHIBIANS, I HOPE YOU’RE A DOCTOR, RAGGEDY ZEUS, POISONOUS GAS April 7, Phoenix Taproom WHETHERMAN April 7 & 21, Poe’s Tavern CHRIS THOMAS KING, RED AFTERNOON April 7, Mojo Kitchen BREAKING THROUGH CD Release Party April 7, Brewster’s Pit OVER THE RHINE, LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE April 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

ELVIS COSTELLO & The IMPOSTERS April 27, The Florida Theatre RISE TO AGAINST, A DAY TO REMEMBER, TITLE FIGHT April 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DICK DALE April 28, Jack Rabbits GREG LAKE April 29, The Florida Theatre COUNTING CROWS May 1, The Florida Theatre THE BEACH BOYS 50th ANNIVERSARY REUNION TOUR May 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE FRAY May 4, St. Augustine Amphitheatre EDDIE VEDDER, GLEN HANSARD May 8, T-U Center WHITECHAPEL, MISS MAY I May 9, Freebird Live WE OWN THE NIGHT WORLD TOUR: LADY ANTEBELLUM, DARIUS RUCKER, THOMPSON SQUARE May 10, Veterans Memorial Arena CATIE CURTIS May 11, CafÊ Eleven CHUCK PROPHET & THE MISSION EXPRESS May 14, Jack Rabbits JANE’S ADDICTION May 16, The Florida Theatre GRANT PEEPLES May 19, European Street CafÊ Southside EDGAR WINTER BAND May 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JACKSONVILLE JAZZ FESTIVAL: SONNY ROLLINS, CHICK COREA, STANLEY CLARKE, LENNY WHITE TRIO, PATTI AUSTIN, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA May 24-27, Downtown Jacksonville RINGO STARR & HIS ALL STARR BAND June 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

Advertising proof this is a copyright protected proof Š

Contemporary country band Savannah Jack performs on March 16 at 9 p.m. and on March 17 at 9:30 p.m. at Fionn MacCool’s, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown Jacksonville. This three-partForandquestions, please call your harmony-driven band has shared the stage with John Fogerty Vince Gill. 374-1547.

advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 031312 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

TOWER OF POWER April 12, The Florida Theatre SPRINGING THE BLUES: JOEY GILMORE BLUES BAND, ALBERT CUMMINGS, ELI COOK BAND, TRAMPLED UNDER FOOT, JOANN SHAW TAYLOR, WOODY & THE PECKERS, WILLIE GREEN BLUES PROJECT, EDDIE SHAW & THE WOLFGANG, THE LEE BOYS April 13-15, Jax Beach JACKSONVILLE SUPERFEST: 60 LOCAL ACTS & BANDS April 13, Aloft Tapestry Park; April 14 & 15, UNF MARTINA McBRIDE April 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TIM REYNOLDS, SONS OF BILL April 14, Freebird Live UNDERHILL ROSE April 14, European Street CafĂŠ Southside DAUGHTRY April 15, T-U Center VAN HALEN, KOOL & THE GANG April 16, Vets Mem. Arena

• CLUBS •

GWAR, GHOUL, KYLESSA April 18, Freebird Live Produced promise of20,benefit sUpport Ask for Action HUMAN NATURE April T-U Center AMELIA ISLAND, THE MAINE April 20, Freebird Live BLACK MOLLY April 20, Brewster’s Pit FERNANDINA BEACH BEECH STREET GRILL, 801 Beech, 277-3662 John Springer WANEE MUSIC FEST: ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND, on Fri. & Sat., every other Thur. Barry Randolph every Sun. FURTHUR, GOV’T MULE, TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, CAFE KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269 Live music in the JAIMOE’S JASSSZ BAND, BUDDY GUY, BRUCE HORNSBY, courtyard at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., at 5 p.m. every Sun. DEVON ALLMAN’S HONEYTRIBE April 20 & 21, Spirit of the DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Spade Suwannee Music Park, Live Oak McQuade on March 15. 3 the Band on March 16. Karl W. ROCKVILLE RUMBLE FINALS April 21, Freebird Live Davis on March 17 THE PRETTY RECKLESS, THE PARLOR MOB, THE GENNARO’S ITALIANO SOUTH, 5472 First Coast Hwy., HOLLYWOOD KILLS April 21, Jack Rabbits 491-1999 Live jazz from 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. STEEL PULSE April 25, Freebird Live

BURRO

by ab Checked by

Sales Rep rl

SUNDOG

Wednesday Kurt Lanham Thursday Kim Reteguiz & The Black Cat Bones Friday & Saturday Boogie Freaks Sunday Billy Bowers Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t

FolioWeekly

MARCH 13-19, | folio weekly | 37 Š2012 2012

GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Dan Voll from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Live music every weekend O’KANE’S IRISH PUB, 318 Centre St., 261-1000 Dan Voll at 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Turner London Band at 8:30 p.m. every Thur., Fri. & Sat. THE PALACE SALOON & SHEFFIELD’S, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 BSP Unplugged every Tue. & Sun. Wes Cobb every Wed. DJ Heavy Hess, Hupp & Rob every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Miguel Alvarez in Sheffield’s every Fri. DJ Heavy Hess every Sat. Cason every Mon. PLAE, 80 Amelia Circle, Amelia Island Plantation, 277-2132 Gary Ross from 7-11 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6990 Cason at 2 p.m. at the tiki bar every Sat. & Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Live music Tue.-Sun. DJ Roc at 5 p.m. every Wed.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

AJ’S BAR & GRILLE, 10244 Atlantic Blvd., 805-9060 DJ Sheryl every Thur., Fri. & Sat. DJ Mike every Tue. & Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

MEEHAN’S TAVERN, 9119 Merrill Rd., 551-7076 Mike Hendrix Band at 9 p.m. on March 9 MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. PLUSH, RAIN, LAVA, 845 University Blvd. N., 745-1845 DJ Massive spins top 40 in Rain every Wed., DJs spin Latin every Fri. STARBUCKS, 9301 Atlantic Blvd., 724-4554 Open mic with Starbucks Trio from 8-11 p.m. every other Fri. TONINO’S TRATTORIA, 7001 Merrill Rd., 743-3848 Alaina Colding every Thur. W. Harvey Williams at 6 p.m. every Fri. Signature String Quartet every Sat. VIP LOUNGE, 7707 Arlington Expressway, 619-8198 Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Wed. & Fri. Reggae every Thur. Old school every Sat. A DJ spins every Sun.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BRICK RESTAURANT, 3585 St. Johns Ave., 387-0606 Duet

BAYMEADOWS

THE COFFEE GRINDER, 9834 Old Baymeadows Rd., 642-7600 DJ Roy Luis spins new & vintage original house at 9 p.m. every Thur.

GATOR’S DOCKSIDE, 8650 Baymeadows Rd., 448-0500 Comfort Zone Band at 9 p.m. every Fri. MY PLACE BAR-N-GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Out of Hand every Mon. Rotating bands every other Tue. & Wed. OASIS GRILL & CHILL, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 748-9636 DJs Stan and Mike Bend spin every Feel Good Fri.

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD, 120 S. Third St., 444-8862 Kurt Lanham sings island music every Fri.-Sun. BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Incognito at 5:30 p.m. on March 14. Billy Bowers at 5:30 p.m. on March 15. 4Play at 6 p.m. on March 16. Ghost Radio at 5:30 p.m. on March 17. Incognito at noon, Rust Bladen at 4:45 p.m. on March 18 BLUES ROCK CAFE, 831 N. First St., 249-0007 Live music every weekend BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 DJ IBay every Tue., Fri. & Sat. DJ Ginsu every Wed. DJ Jade every Thur.

Charlie Walker every Sun. CRAB CAKE FACTORY, 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza, 247-9880 Live jazz with Pierre & Co. every Wed. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Dublin City Ramblers on March 15. Jax Pipes & Drums on March 17 DICK’S WINGS, 311 N. Third St., Ste. 107, 853-5004 Big Jeff at 8 p.m. every Thur. Live music at 9 p.m. every Sat. EL POTRO MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1553 Third St. N., 241-6910 Wilfredo Lopez every Wed. & Sat. ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY, 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337 Live music every Thur.

EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 992 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 David Russell from 5-8 p.m. on March 18 FIONN MACCOOL’S, 333 N. First St., 242-9499 Live music every Thur.-Sat. FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Nate Holley every Mon. Wes Cobb every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. King Eddie reggae every Sun. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Frankenstein Brothers on March 15. Young the Giant and Grouplove on March 16. Bobbie Lee Rodgers and Bonnie Blue at 8 p.m. on March 17 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Domenic Patruno on March 14. Clayton Bush on March 15. Brady Reich on March 16. Jimmy Solari on March 17 LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Tropic of Cancer at 7:30 p.m. on March 17. Live music every Fri. & Sat. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Split Tone on March 16. Fran Doyle, Skip & the King, Split Tone and Rathkeltair on March 17. Split Tone at 10:30 p.m. every Tue. Nate Holley every Wed. Ryan Campbell every Thur. Wits End every Sun. Little Green Men every Mon. MAYPORT TAVERN, 2775 Old Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 270-0801 Live music at 3 p.m. every Sun. Open mic at 5 p.m. every Wed. DJ Jason hosts Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., Ste. 2, 246-1500 Wits End on March 15 MEZZA LUNA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger at 6 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford and Rick Johnson at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Red Afternoon, Kim Reteguiz & The Black Cat Bones at 10 p.m. on March 16. Red Afternoon and Will Pearsall at 10 p.m. on March 17 MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN, 1850 S. Third St., 246-1070 Wes Cobb at 10 p.m. every Tue. DJ Austin Williams spins

dance & for Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Wed., Sat. & Sun. DJ Papa Sugar spins dance music at 9 p.m. every Mon., Thur. & Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Live music every weekend NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Billy Bowers at 7:30 p.m. on March 16. Live music every Thur.-Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 Live music every weekend THE PIER RESTAURANT, 445 Eighth Ave. N., 246-6454 Darren Corlew and Johnny Flood at 7 p.m. every Thur. DJ Infader every Fri. Nate Holley every Sat. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637 Billy & Trevor on March 15. Alex Seier on March 16 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Kurt Lanham on March 14. Kim Reteguiz & The Black Cat Bones on March 15. Boogie Freaks on March 16 & 17. Billy Bowers on March 18 RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 320 N. First St., 270-8565 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. SUN DOG, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 241-8221 Billy Bowers on March 13. Buck Smith on March 14. Ron Perry Duo on March 15. Billy Buchanan & Free Avenue on March 16 & 17. Live music every Tue.-Sun. THE WINE BAR, 320 N. First St., 372-0211 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

DOWNTOWN

BURRO BAR, 228 E. Forsyth St., 353-4692 Hardside, Born Low, Vices, Rhythm of Fear, Our Kind and Crooked Look on March 13. DJ Tin Man spins reggae & dub every Tue. DJ SuZiRok spins every Thur. $Big Bucks DJ Crew$ every Sat. Bert No Shirt & Uncle Jesse every Sun. CITY HALL PUB, 234 Randolph Blvd., 356-6750 DJ Skillz spins Motown, hip hop & R&B every Wed. Jazz at 11 a.m., Latin music at 9 p.m. every first Fri.; Ol’ Skool every last Fri. DIVE BAR, 331 E. Bay St., 359-9090 Live music every weekend DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth, 354-0666 DJ Synsonic spins every Tue. & Fri. DJ Rockin’ Bones spins every Wed. DJ Scandalous spins every Sat. DJ Randall Karaoke every Mon. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 176, 374-1247 Dublin Train Wreck on March 15. Savannah Jack on March 16. Spade McQuade performs at 10:30 a.m., Road Less Traveled at 2 p.m., Clay County Fire Fighters Pipes & Drum Corps is on at 5:30 p.m., Dublin Train Wreck at 6 p.m. and Savannah Jack plays at 9:30 p.m. on March 17 THE IVY ULTRA BAR, 113 E. Bay St., 356-9200 DJs 151 The Experience & C-Lo spin every Rush Hour Wed. DJ E.L. spins top 40, South Beach & dance classics every Pure Sat. THE JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr. The Ride at 7 p.m. on March 16. Palmetto Cats at noon, The Company at 7 p.m. on March 17. George Aspinall Band at 2 p.m. on March 18 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Vinn spins top 40 for ladies nite every Thur. Ritmo y Sabor every Fiesta Fri. BayStreet mega party with DJ Shotgun every Sat. MAVERICKS, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Bobby Laredo spins every Thur. & Sat. Saddle Up every Sat. NORTHSTAR THE PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Open mic night from 8:30-11:30 p.m. every Wed. THE PEARL, 1101 N. Main St., 791-4499 DJs Tom P. & Ian S. spin ’80s & indie dance every Fri. DJ Ricky spins indie rock, hip hop & electro every Sat. PHOENIX TAPROOM, 325 W. Forsyth St., 798-8222 Chivalry, Playing for Keeps and Abdomen Canvas on March 14. Rickett Pass, Everymen, SS Web and Mudtown on March 16. The Business, Downtown Struts and Nine Tenths on March 17 POPPY LOVE SMOKE, 112 E. Adams St., 354-1988 DJs Al Pete & Gene Dot spin for The Glossary at 10 p.m. every Sat. ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

220, 215-8999 DJ Ty spins for ladies’ nite every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Buck Smith Project every Mon. Blistur unplugged every Wed. RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 406 Old Hard Rd., Ste. 106, 213-7779 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Karaoke on March 14. DJ BG on March 15. CIA at 9:30 p.m. on March 16. Susie Kite at 9:30 p.m. on March 17. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

BREWSTER’S PIT, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Nerver, Two Minute Wish and The Magistrate on March 16.

Danny Diablo, Too Phucks, Ill Roc Soldiers, DRP and TKO Throwdown Kid on March 17 BREWSTER’S PUB, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Open mic every Wed. Karaoke with DJ Randal & live music every Thur., Fri. & Sat. A DJ spins every Mon. BRUCCI’S PIZZA, 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36, 223-6913 Mike Shackelford at 6:30 p.m. every Sat. and Mon. CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Band on the Run on March 14. Jay Garrett at 9 p.m. on March 16. Ruckus at 9 p.m. on March 17. Karaoke every Thur. & Sun. JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22, 220-6766 Live music every Fri. YOUR PLACE BAR & GRILL, 13245 Atlantic Blvd., 221-9994 Tourn at 10 p.m. on March 16 & 17

JULINGTON CREEK, NW ST. JOHNS

HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 683-1964 Live music at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. SHANNON’S IRISH PUB, 111 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-9670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

MANDARIN

AW SHUCKS OYSTER BAR & GRILL, 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd., 240-0368 Open mic with John O’Connor from 7-10 p.m. every Wed. Cafe Groove Duo, Jay Terry & John O’Connor, from 8-11 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Sat. CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 11475 San Jose Blvd., 262-4337 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Karaoke from 9 p.m.-1 p.m. Mon.-Thur. Dennis Klee & the World’s Most Talented Waitstaff every Fri. & Sat. THE NEW ORLEANS CAFE, 12760 San Jose Blvd., 880-5155 Live music at 6 p.m. Tue., Wed., Fri.-Sun. Open mic with Biker Bob at 7:30 p.m. every Thur. Reggae with Les B. Fine at 1 p.m. every Sat. & Sun. Creekside Songwriters Showcase at 7 p.m. last Wed. every month RACK ’EM UP BILLIARDS, 4268 Oldfield Crossing, 262-4030 Craig Hand every Sat. Karaoke at 7 p.m. every Sun. SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE, 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16, 538-0811 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri. SUNBURST STUDIOS, 12641 San Jose Blvd., 485-0946 Open mic with My Friendz Band at 8:30 p.m. every Mon. Karaoke at 8:30 p.m. with DJ Tom Turner every Tue.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 1580 Wells Rd., 269-4855 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. & Sat. CRACKERS LOUNGE, 1282 Blanding Blvd., 272-4620

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Alex Hayward on March 15.

The Lift on March 16. DJ BG on March 17. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R.

Alex Seier performs on March 16 at 10 p.m. at Poe’s Tavern, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7637.

Brandon Gill

38 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

every Wed. Goliath Flores and Sam Rodriguez every Thur. Bush Doctors every first Fri. & Sat. Live jazz every Fri. & Sat. THE CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. 3rd Bass every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith spins for Karaoke every Tue. DJ Free spins vintage every Fri. DJs SuZiRok, LowKill & Mowgli spin for Chillwave Madness every Mon. ELEVATED AVONDALE, 3551 St. Johns Ave., 387-0700 Karaoke with Dave Thrash every Wed. DJ 151 spins hip hop, R&B, old-school every Thur. DJ Catharsis spins lounge beats every first & fourth Sat. Patrick Evan & CoAlition are in for Industry Sun. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Bread & Butter at 10 p.m. on March 16. Canary in the Coalmine at 10 p.m. on March 17 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 Live music every Fri. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Sat.

from 7-10 p.m. every Sat. with Gimme the Mike DJs ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Bryan Ripper on March 14. D-Lo Thompson on March 15. Tim O’Shea on March 16. Brady Reich on March 17. Live music every Wed.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 997-1955 Charlie Walker at 8 p.m. on March 15. Nate Holley on March 16 SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy.

N., 997-1999 Chuck Nash every Thur. Live music at 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music from 9 p.m.-mid. every Thur. and 6-9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. URBAN FLATS, 9726 Touchton Rd., 642-1488 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHISKY RIVER, 4850 Big Island Drive, 645-5571 A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Cowford County Band on March 16. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Karaoke every Mon.

Soul Man: Bluesy singersongwriter Karl W. Davis performs on March 17 at 9 p.m. at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

Karaoke every Fri. & Sat. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PARK AVENUE BILLIARDS, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Random Act from 7:30-11:30 p.m. every Mon. Bike Nite THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Live music every Thur.-Sat. DJ Jason every Tue. DJ Israel every Wed. Buck Smith Project every Mon.

PALATKA

DOWNTOWN BLUES BAR & GRILLE, 714 St. Johns Ave., (386) 325-5454 Martini on March 14. David Michael Angleton on March 15. Ranger Donnie on March 16. The Chip Vandiver Trio on March 17. Local talent every Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

Blues jam every Sun.

PONTE VEDRA

LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE, 301 N. Roscoe Blvd., 285-0139 Mike Shackelford & Rick Johnson from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Tony Novelly from 6-10 p.m. every Mon. PUSSER’S CARIBBEAN GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766 Bucksmith Project at 6 p.m. on March 15. Richard Smith at 8 p.m. on March 16. Danny Kent at 8 p.m. on March 17. Live music every Thur.-Sun. URBAN FLATS, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Darren Corlew every Tue. Soulo & Deron Baker at 6 p.m. every Wed.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

FLA RIDERS MOTORCYCLE CLUB, 243 S. Edgewood Ave. DJ DreOne spins every Wed. for open mic nite HJ’S BAR & GRILL, 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., 317-2783 Karaoke with DJ Ron at 8:30 p.m. every Tue. & DJ Richie at every Fri. Live music every Sat. Open mic at 8 p.m. every Wed. KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. LOMAX LODGE, 822 Lomax St., 634-8813 DJ Dots every Tue. Milan da Tin Man every Wed. DJ Christian every Sat. DJ Spencer every Sun. DJ Luminous every Mon. THE MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Stellar Kart, Me In Motion, Finding Favour and Man Apart at 7:30 p.m. on March 16. Jimmy Needham, Andy Cherry and Adam Sams on March 17 PIZZA PALACE, 920 Margaret St., 598-1212 Jennifer Chase at 6:30 p.m. every Fri. YESTERDAYS SOCIAL CLUB, 3638 Park St., 387-0502 Rotating DJs spin for Pro Bono electronic music party from 7 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sun.

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 Crabgrass on March 16 & 17. Brent Byrd on March 18 AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT, 1915 A1A S., 461-0102 Fermin Spanish guitar from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Open mic on March 13. JK Wayne on March 14. Ric Welch at 5 p.m., Irish

By Marriage at 9:30 p.m. on March 17 BARLEY REPUBLIC IRISH PUBLIC HOUSE, 48 Spanish St., 547-2023 The Wobbly Toms, The Grassy Noles, Dublin Train Wreck, Paddy Doyle and Irish by Marriage on March 17 THE BRITISH PUB, 213 Anastasia Blvd., 810-5111

Karaoke with Jimmy Jamez at 9 p.m. on March 16 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, San Sebastian Winery, 157 King St., 826-1594 Ain’t Too Proud 2 Beg at 7 p.m. on March 16. Gary Douglas Campbell at 2 p.m., Ain’t Too Proud 2 Beg at 7 p.m. on March 17. Vinny Jacobs from 2-5 p.m. on March 18 CHICAGO PIZZA & BAKERY, 107 Natures Walk Pkwy., Ste. 101, 230-9700 Greg Flowers hosts open-mic and jazz piano from 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Fri. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Chelsea Saddler every Sun. FLORIDA CRACKER CAFE, 81 St. George St., 829-0397 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard at 5:30 p.m. every Wed. HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers from 6-10 p.m. on March 14 JACK’S BARBECUE, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-8100 Jim Essery at 4 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Thur.-Sat. KING’S HEAD BRITISH PUB, 6460 U.S. 1, 823-9787 Mike Sweet from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

KOZMIC BLUZ PIZZA CAFE & ALE, 48 Spanish St., 825-4805 Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Open jam nite with house band at 8 p.m. every Wed. Battle of the DJs with Josh Frazetta & Mardi Gras Mike every last Sun. MEEHAN’S IRISH PUB, 20 Avenida Menendez, 810-1923 Live music every Fri. & Sat. MI CASA CAFE, 69 St. George St., 824-9317 Chelsea Saddler from noon-4 p.m. every Mon., Tue. & Thur. Elizabeth Roth at noon every Sun. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19 1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 David Russell & John Peyton at 9 p.m. on March 16 & 17. John Winters at 1 p.m. on March 18. Vinny Jacobs every Tue. Todd & Molly Jones every Wed. Colton McKenna at 9 p.m. every Thur. Will Pearsall at 9 p.m. every Mon. SANGRIAS WINE & TAPAS Piano Bar, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music every Thurs.-Sun. SCARLETT O’HARA’S, 70 Hypolita St., 824-6535 Lil Blaze & DJ Alex are in for Karaoke every Mon. SIRENS, 113 Anastasia Blvd., 460-2641 Live music every Fri. DJs spin every Sat. Live music from 3-6 p.m. every Biker Sunday SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Live music every Fri.-Sun. THE TASTING ROOM, 25 Cuna St., 810-2400 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger from 5-8 p.m. every Sun. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Spanky at 9 p.m. on March 16 & 17. Mark Hart every Mon.-Wed. Open mic every Thur. Mark Hart & Jim Carrick every Fri. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m., Mark Hart at 5 p.m. every Sat. Keith Godwin at 1 p.m., Wade at 5 p.m. every Sun. Matanzas at 9 p.m.

Sun.-Thur.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

AROMAS CIGARS & WINE BAR, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live jazz from 8-11 p.m. every Tue. Beer house rock every Wed. Live music every Thur. Will Hurley every Fri. Bill Rice at 9 p.m. every Sat. BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. JOHNNY ANGELS, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120, 997-9850 Harry & Sally from 7-9 p.m. every Wed. Karaoke

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

ENDO EXO, 1224 Kings Ave., 396-7733 DJ J-Money spins jazz, soul, R&B, house every Fri. DJ Manus spins top 40 & dance every Sat. Open mic with King Ron & T-Roy every Mon. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 399-1740 Stacey Earle & Mark Stuart on March 13. Acoustic Eidolon on March 15. Svet on March 18. Linda Cole & the Joshua Bowlus Trio on March 20. Jazz every second Tue. HAVANA-JAX CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609 MVP Band from 6-9 p.m., DJs No Fame & Dr. Doom every Wed. Jazz every Thur. American Top 40 every Fri. Salsa every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Feel Never Real on March 13. Speaking in Cursive, Papa Million and Luna’s View on March 16. Marvin’s Room and Nameless Guardian on March 17. Manna Zen, Tree of Life, Newborn Ransom and Trees Setting Fires on March 18 MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger at 7 p.m. every Thur.

PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815 Jennifer Chase at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. SQUARE ONE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 306-9004 Soul on the Square with MVP Band & Special Formula at 8 p.m.; DJ Dr. Doom at 10:30 p.m. every Mon. DJs Wes Reed & Josh Kemp spin indie dance & electro at 9 p.m. every Wed. DJs Anonymous and Mickey Shadow every Sat.

SAA

SOUTHSIDE

BOMBA’S, 8560 Beach Blvd., 997-2291 Open mic from 7-11 p.m. with Chris Hall every Tue. & every first Sun. Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. CORNER BISTRO & Wine Bar, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 1, 619-1931 Matt “Pianoman” Hall every Fri. & Sat. DAVE & BUSTER’S, 7025 Salisbury Rd. S., 296-1525 A DJ spins every Fri. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 5500 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Meridian on March 17 LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 DJ 007 Vic Jones on March 15. Little Green Men at 8:30 p.m., DJ Jun Bug at 11:30 p.m. on March 16. The Ride at 8:30 p.m., VJ Josh Frazetta at 11:30 p.m. on March 17

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BLUE DINER CAFE, 5868 Norwood Ave., 766-7774 Jazz from 7-9 p.m. every first Thur.

BOOTS-N-BOTTLES, 12405 N. Main St., Ste. 7, Oceanway, 647-7798 Karaoke every Tue., Thur. & Sun. with DJ Dave.

Open mic every Wed. DAMES POINT MARINA, 4518 Irving Rd., 751-3043 DJ Steve at 6 p.m. on March 15. Mr. Natural at 6 p.m. on March 16, at 5 p.m. on March 17. David Bazzell at 3 p.m. on March 18 FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4073 Live music every Fri. & Sat. ’70s every Tue. SKYLINE SPORTSBAR, 5611 Norwood Ave., 517-6973 Bigga Rankin & Cool Running DJs every Tue. & 1st Sun. Fusion Band & DJ every Thur. DJ Scar spins every Sun. THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Will Pearsall at 7 p.m. on March 16. Joshua Wicker at 7 p.m. on March 17. Goliath Flores at 1 p.m., Brian Foley & friends at 7 p.m. on March 18 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 Open mic every Thur. Woodie & Wyatt C. every Fri. Live music every Sat. TUCKER’S HWY. 17 TAVERN, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee, 225-9211 Al Stone at 3:30 p.m. on March 17.

To get your band listed here, send all the vitals — band name, time, date, location of venue, with street address, city, admission price and contact number — to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email events@folioweekly.com.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 39

40 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 41

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1

3 The current exhibit at the Cummer features works by 1) John Henry Twachtman 2) Frédéric Bazille and 3) Mary Cassatt.

2

The Impression That I Get

The Cummer Museum celebrates one of the most colorfully influential movements in the history of art IMPRESSIONISM AND POST-IMPRESSIONISM FROM THE HIGH MUSEUM OF ART Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville The exhibit is displayed through May 6 356-6857 cummer.org

T

42 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

hese days, it takes a lot to shock a viewer.

We’re constantly bombarded with roadside billboards, racy music videos, pornography pop-up ads, misguided Google searches and brutal war footage. Unsurprisingly, there is even a genre of visual art called “shock art” — a prime example being a painting of Adolf Hitler © 2010 folioweekly as Baby Jesus (“Epiphany I: Adoration of the Magi,” 1996, Gottfried Helnwein).

Rewind 140 years ago to Paris, France.

A young group of realists like Claude Monet, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Alfred Sisley and Frédéric Bazille were creating open composition with visible brushstrokes (gasp!), ordinary subject matter (gasp!), candid poses (gasp!) and unusual visual angles (gasp!). These were the bad boys and renegades of their time.

“It’s hard to imagine that any of this was controversial,” says Holly Keris, curator at The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, as she points to various Impressionism and Post-Impressionism masterpieces currently on display in the museum’s main exhibition space, Mason Gallery. Keris explains that the works are displayed chronologically — “as close as we could.”

Hung on the stark white walls are a still life of lobster and vegetables, a sailboat close to the coastline, a winter landscape of homes in a village, a public garden near the Louvre Museum and a man lounging on the beach beside some sea oats. The subjects are a far cry from the religious icons, formal portraitures and dramatic historic scenes with which Europeans were familiar.

On loan from Atlanta’s High Museum of Art, the exhibit features approximately 50 of the finest examples of Impressionism and

Post-Impressionism in one collection. “This is the first time we’ve collaborated with the High Museum,” Keris admits. “It’s not unusual for a large museum to lend out portions of their collection.”

Fortunately for Northeast Florida art lovers, the Cummer and the High struck a deal for the 12-week exhibit, which runs through May 6. The result is a priceless roomful of some of the best examples of this avant-garde, Parisianbased movement that bucked trends and caused controversy.

Some of the works on display are Bazille’s “The Beach at Sainte-Adresse” (1865), Monet’s “Houses of Parliament in the Fog”

Next door to the exhibit is a large display — some 300 pieces — from the permanent collection of Cummer’s Japanese block prints, a movement that greatly inspired the Impressionists. “These prints were coming into Europe and influencing artists with a nonWestern perspective,” says Keris. “These pieces had a different use of color and a different use of lines.”

The term “Impressionism” is actually derived from the title of Monet’s 1872 work, “Impression, Sunrise” (“Impression, soleil levant”), which depicts the harbor in Le Havre, France. Because of the loose brushstrokes and airy landscape, a French journalist reviewed

Over the years, the work of the most famous Impressionists has become almost commonplace, adorning everything from dorm posters to mousepads, but a close examination of the work reveals the breathtaking skill – and joyful abandon – that defines the movement.

(1903), Camille Pissarro’s “Snowscape with Cows at Montfoucault” (1874), John Henry Twachtman’s “Along the River, Winter” (ca.

1889), John Singer Sargent’s “Portrait of Ralph Curtis on the Beach at Scheveningen” (1880), and “Tuileries Gardens” (1897) by American artist Childe Hassam. Aside from the artists’ stylistic breakthroughs, they were the first to use premixed paints in lead tubes — allowing them to work more spontaneously and in different environments.

Asked during a recent private tour of the exhibit how much the show had to be insured for, Keris gestures around the room and jokes, “Well, that guy’s dead, that guy’s dead and that guy’s dead. I’m pretty sure we couldn’t get them to paint another one. If we could, that would be very expensive.”

the show with the pejorative headline, “The Exhibition of the Impressionists” — a name that stuck.

Over the years, the work of the most famous Impressionists — Monet, Renoir, Pissarro, Cassatt and Sargent — has become almost commonplace, adorning everything from dorm posters to mousepads. It’s hard to imagine that this artwork once challenged the status quo, but a close examination of the genre reveals the breathtaking skill — and joyful abandon — that defines the movement. “Much of this work is how you see the brushstrokes and how you see the artist’s hand,” says Keris.

“Impressionists were fascinated by the science of light.”

Kara Pound themail@folioweekly.com

PERFORMANCE

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

JAX SUNS SEEKS SINGERS & BAT BOYS The Jacksonville Suns hold an open casting call for vocalists to sing the National Anthem, and sign-ups for team Bat Boys (ages 14-18) for the upcoming season. Auditions and registrations are held from 9 a.m.-noon on March 17 at the Baseball Grounds, 301 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville.

358-2846.

ABET AUDITIONS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds auditions from 1-3 p.m. on March 18 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, for its production of Gina Gionfriddo’s “After Ashley.” The cast calls for four men (late teens-50s) and one woman (late teens-20s). 249-7177.

JAX JAZZ COMPETITION SEEKS PIANISTS The Jacksonville Jazz Piano Competition is accepting CD submissions for possible inclusion in this year’s competition, to be held on May 24 at The Florida Theatre. For full details and guidelines, visit jaxjazzfest.com ART RE-SQUARED Anastasia Island Branch Library seeks 100 artists for its “The Square Root of Library Art Is You!” project. Modeled after the Dolf James and Christina Foard “Imagination Squared” project, artists are invited to pick up a 5"x5"x1/8" canvas square from the library and create a piece of art in any style with any medium. All squares must be returned by March 24. The library is at 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine Beach. 209-3730.

Anita Levy

NEXT STEPS AT FSCJ The 15th annual Spring Dance Concert, “Next Steps,” featuring dance students from FSCJ, is presented at 8 p.m. on March 16 and 17 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 646-2222.

ARTICHOKE SOUP This workshop performance of Jennifer Chase’s drama about the aftermath of a failed romance is staged at 8 p.m. on March 17 at Players by the Sea, 106 N. Sixth St., Jacksonville Beach. Tickets are $20; VIP reception at 6:30 p.m. includes CD, appetizers and wine. Proceeds benefit JASMYN. 249-0289.

SHOUFOU ALWAWA WAYN? This Arab-American comedy (“Where Does It Hurt?”), about a family adapting to life in America, is staged at 8 p.m. on March 17 at the T-U Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $45-$75.

633-6110.

ARSENIC AND OLD LACE Orange Park Community Theatre stages Joseph Kesselring’s classic dark comedy about a homicidal family at 8 p.m. on March 16 and 17 and at 3 p.m. on March 18 at 2900 Moody Ave., Orange Park. The show runs through April 7. Tickets are $15. 276-2599.

THE BELLE OF AMHERST Sinda Nichols stars in William Luce’s one-woman play about poet Emily Dickinson at 7:30 p.m. on March 16, 17, 23 and 24 and at 2:30 p.m. on March 18 and 25 at Fernandina Little Theatre, 1014 Beech St., Fernandina Beach. Tickets are $15.

206-2607.

JERSEY BOYS The Tony-winning musical about ’60s vocal group The Four Seasons is staged at 7:30 on March 13, 14 and 15, at 8 p.m. on March 16, at 2 and 8 p.m. on March 17 and at 1:30 and 8 p.m. on March 18 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $47-$67. The show runs through April 1. 632-3373.

HOUSE OF BLUE LEAVES The Limelight Theatre presents John Guare’s dark comedy about a zookeeper who dreams of making it big as a songwriter in 1960s Queens at 7:30 p.m. on March 15, 16 and 17 and at 2 p.m. on March 18 at 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine. Tickets are $25; $22 for seniors; $20 military and students. The play runs through March 25. 825-1164.

NIGHT OF JANUARY 16TH Theatre Jacksonville stages Ayn Rand’s courtroom drama at 7:30 p.m. on March 15 and at 8 p.m. on March 16 and 17 at 2032 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25; $20 on Thur. and for seniors, military and students. 396-4425.

HELLO, DOLLY! Sally Struthers stars in the classic musical comedy, about a matchmaker in turn-of-the-century Manhattan, at 8 p.m.

March 13-18 and 20, at 1:15 p.m. on March 17 and 2 p.m. on March 18 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $42-$49. “Hello, Dolly!” is staged through April 8. 641-1212.

IS LIFE WORTH LIVING? A Classic Theatre stages Lennox Robinson’s comedy, about a flamboyant theatrical troupe in an Irish village, at 7:30 p.m. on March 15, 16 and 17 at Fort Menendez’ Pioneer Barn, 259 San Marco Ave., St. Augustine. Tickets are $20. 824-8874.

AMATEUR NIGHT SEMI-FINALS The audience is the judge as local talent competes for bragging rights at 7:30 p.m. on March 16 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Admission is $7.50. 632-5555.

“The people have spoken: once again, The Allman Brothers’ ‘Whipping Post’ (in A minor)!” Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents “Classical Madness,” featuring the final four selections voted on by local music lovers, on March 16 at 7:30 p.m. at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. The concert includes pieces by Mozart, Tchaikovsky and Gershwin but, sadly, none by Gregg Allman. Pre-concert music and appetizers are featured at 6:30 p.m. Tickets range from $6-$35. 354-5547.

CALL TO ARTISTS Jacksonville Fine Arts Festival seeks original poster artwork for its festival held in Avondale’s Boone Park on March 24 and 25.

The winning submission gets a free 10x10 exhibitor’s space.

Send 300 dpi submissions, including name and media, to cookied@ix.netcom.com KIDS CAMP AT ABET Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre and instructor Aine HealyRichardson hold Children’s Spring Camp from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. on March 19-23 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd. Activities include music, stage movement and games; camp culminates with a showcase. Fee is $150. Register at abettheatre.com LATIN AND BALLROOM DANCING LESSONS Boleros Dance Center features a dance class at 7 p.m. on March 14 and every Wed. at 10131 Atlantic Blvd., Jacksonville.

Class fee for the seven-week course is $130. 228-9931.

THEATRICAL ARTS Classes in theatrical performance, including song and dance, are held Mon.-Fri. at The Performers Academy, 3674 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Fees vary. 322-7672. theperformersacademy.com

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

BRAHMS AND FRIENDS Artists join baritone Dr. Bob Robinson and pianist Dr. Scott Watkins to present the music of Brahms at 7:30 p.m. on March 13 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

HIGH SCHOOL CHORAL INVITATIONAL The JU choirs host choirs from area high schools for a concert held at 7:30 p.m. on March 15 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

CLASSICAL MADNESS The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents this “Final Four”-style concert featuring works by Mozart, Tchaikovsky and Gershwin at 7:30 p.m. on March 16 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Pre-concert music and appetizers are featured at 6:30 p.m. Tickets range from $6-$35. 354-5547.

JAZZLAND CAFÉ SHOWS Jose Bonilla hosts Open Mic night at 8 p.m. on March 16 at The Jazzland Café, 1324 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. Admission is $5. The John Lumpkin Trio is featured at 8 p.m. on March 17.

Admission is $10. Admission is $10. 249-1009.

TROPIC OF CANCER Instrumental group Tropic of Cancer plays at 7:30 p.m. on March 17 at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach.

249-2922.

GERMAN SYMPHONY AT FLAGLER The Nordwest Deutsche Philharmonic performs at 8 p.m. on March 17 at Flagler College Auditorium, 74 King St., St. Augustine. Tickets are $35; $5 for students. 797-2800.

PERCUSSION AT UNITARIAN Drummer Ken Anoff appears at 10:45 a.m. on March 18 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville. 725-8133.

ITALIAN CHAMBER TRIO “La Variazione,” featuring flutist Elena Cecconi, tenor Filippo Pina Castiglioni and harpist Paola Devoti, is performed at 3 p.m. on March 18 at Riverside Presbyterian Church, 849 Park St., Jacksonville. 355-4585.

PETER AND THE WOLF The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and Madcap Puppet Theatre bring Prokofiev’s classic work to life in this kid-geared production at 3 p.m. on March 18 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $6-$16. 354-5547.

JAZZ VESPERS St. Cyprian’s Episcopal Church holds candlelight Jazz Vespers at 5:30 p.m. on the third Sun. of each month, including March 18, at 37 Lovett St., St. Augustine. 829-8828.

PERCUSSION AT UNF Charlotte Mabrey directs UNF Percussion Ensembles at 7:30 p.m. on March 20 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

LINDA COLE WITH JOSHUA BOWLUS TRIO Jazz vocalist Cole performs along with pianist Bowlus’ combo at 8 p.m. on March 20 at European Street Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

JAZZ AT TREE STEAKHOUSE Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. 262-0006.

JAZZ AT GENNARO’S Live jazz at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at Gennaro’s Ristorante Italiano, 5472 First Coast Highway, Fernandina Beach. 491-1999.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz nightly at 7 p.m. at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., St. Augustine. 825-0502.

ART WALKS & FESTIVALS

PONTE VEDRA BEACH ARTS & CRAFT FESTIVAL Arts and crafts are featured from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on March 17 and from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on March 18 at Ponte Vedra Point Shopping Center, 880 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. (352) 344-0657.

ART ON THE GREEN The open-air festival features 35 artists offering works in a variety of media, live music and food and drink from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on March 17 at St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, 4129 Oxford Ave., Jacksonville. jacksonvilleartistsguild.org MID-WEEK MARKET Arts & crafts, local produce and live music are featured every Wed. from 3-6 p.m. at Bull Memorial Park, corner of East Coast Drive and Seventh Street, Atlantic Beach. 247-5800.

NORTH BEACHES ART WALK Galleries of Atlantic and Neptune beaches are open late, from 5-9 p.m., on the third Thur. of each month at various venues from Sailfish Drive in Atlantic Beach to Neptune Beach and Town Center. For a list of participating galleries, call 249-2222.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts and local produce are offered every Fri. from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive. 353-1188.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET The Arts Market is held from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. beneath the Fuller Warren Bridge on Riverside Avenue, Jacksonville and features local and regional artists, strolling performers, bands and a farmers market.

Admission is free. 554-6865, 389-2449. riversideartsmarket.com

MUSEUMS

AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378. The exhibit “Great Women of Florida” is on display through March.

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 43

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville, 356-6857. “Impressionism and Post Impressionism from the High Museum of Art” is on display through May 6. “Richard Chamberlin: The Year of the Sheep” is displayed through July 8. “Beyond Ukiyo-e: Japanese Woodblock Prints and their influence on Western Art” runs through Aug. 9. “50 Forward: New Additions to the Permanent Collection” is on display through Aug. 15.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Jacksonville, 356-2992. New works in watercolor and oil by Leigh Murphy are on display through April 27. “Civil War: The Beginning,” an exhibit of original letters and documents, is displayed through April 25. The permanent collection includes rare manuscripts. Open Tue.-Fri., 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; Sat. from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 366-6911. Artist Joe Forkan’s work, “The Lebowski Cycle,” a set of 14 paintings inspired by Baroque and Neoclassical eras and “The Big Lebowski,” is on display through April 1. An exhibit of work by the winners of the Northeast Florida Scholastic Art Awards runs through March.

The exhibit “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s” runs through April 8. mocajacksonville.org RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville, 632-5555. Amateur Night semi-finals are held at 7:30 p.m. on March 16. Admission is $7.50. The Matthew W. Gilbert High School Alumni Friends & Family Reunion is held from 6-8 p.m. on March 18. An exhibit celebrating local African-American athletes and sports figures, “More Than a Game: African-American Sports in Jacksonville, 1900-1975,” is currently on display. Admission is $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and seniors. Open Tue.-Sun.

GALLERIES

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 N. University Blvd., 256-7371. The exhibit “Skeleton in the Closet,” a collection of portraits by Fritz Liedtke of people struggling with anorexia and bulimia, runs through March 28.

AMELIA ISLAND PLANTATION ARTISTS’ GUILD & GALLERY 94 Village Circle, Fernandina Beach, 432-1750. An exhibit of the latest paintings by Amy Schrom is on display through April 7.

THE ART CENTER PREMIERE GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 355-1757. The environmentally themed exhibit “Trees” is on display through April 12.

BLACK HIVE TATTOO 2063 Gilmore St., Jacksonville, 354-5033. Derek Hess signs copies of his book “Black Line, White Lie” from 7-9 p.m. on March 14.

BLUE DOOR ARTISTS 205 1/2 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 557-1187. An exhibit of works by fiber artist M. Lynette Holmes is on display through March.

BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577. Mary Jane Amato’s “Fiber Art” exhibit is featured through April 2.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-0614. Photography by Clyde Butcher is displayed through April 7.

44 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

JOAN DORRILL ART STUDIO 900-I Lighthouse Plaza, Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 392-6630. Paintings by Joan Dorrill and photography by Bob Dorrill are featured in March.

DOUGLAS ANDERSON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville, 346-5620. The opening reception for the exhibit “Rising Stars,” featuring recent works by visual arts students, is held from 5:30-7:30 p.m. on March 15. The show runs through April 13.

WORLEY FAVER GALLERY 11A Aviles St., St. Augustine, 304-2310. The opening reception for the exhibit “Little Gems,” featuring works by Russ Wilson, Wendy Norton, C. Ford Riley and others, is held from 5-9 p.m. on March 17. The exhibit runs through March.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. “Waves,” featuring recent works by painter Beth Haizlip and glass artist Kyle Goodwin, runs through April 2.

FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Road, Jacksonville.

535-7252. The show “Triple Threat,” featuring works by Matt Hebermehl, Michael Porten and Troy Wandzel, is shown through April 27.

GALLERY 725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320. The show “Explore the Heart,” featuring recent works by Tonsenia Yonn, Jay Shoots, Matthew Winghart, Gary Mack, Linda Olsen and Shayna Raymond, is on display through March.

GALLERY 1037 Reddi-Arts, 1037 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville, 398-3161. Recent watercolor works by Robert Leedy and photographs by Gary McElwee are on display through April.

GALLERY L Wells Fargo Center, 2nd floor, 1 Independent Drive, Jacksonville, 553-6361. The exhibit “Hamish MacEwan: The Paintings 1952-2009” is on display through March 27.

P.A.ST.A FINE ARTS GALLERY 214 Charlotte St., St. Augustine, 824-0251. Recent paintings by Roann Elias are shown through March.

ROTUNDA GALLERY St. Johns County Admin. Bldg., 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine, 471-9980. The exhibit “Regional Artists from the Tail End of St. Johns County,” featuring works

by A.E. (Beanie) Backus, Joe Taylor, Charles Dickinson and Eddie White, are featured through May 6.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 6 E. Bay St., Jacksonville, 553-6361.

Sculptor Pablo Rivera is the featured artist for March.

SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838. The exhibit “Paper Chase,” by the Atlanta-based arts collaborative duo TindelMichi, is on display through March 31.

STUDIO 121 121 W. Forsyth St., Ste. 100, Jacksonville, 292-9303. The featured artist throughout March is potter Lucky Clark.

THREE LAYERS CAFÉ 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville, 355-9791.

The opening reception for the exhibit “Magpie: A Photographic This and That,” featuring latest works by photographer Jennifer Grey, is held from 7-11 p.m. on March 17. The show runs through April 20.

VANDROFF ART GALLERY Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 730-2100. The photographs of Ken Hercules are on display through March 21.

WEST GALLERY CoRK Arts District, 2689 Rosselle St., Jacksonville, 707-0030. The exhibit “The Immortals,” featuring recent work by Clair Hartmann, Lee Harvey, Bruce Musser and Sharla Valeski, is displayed through March.

Body of Work: Jacksonville University’s Alexander Brest Museum & Gallery, 2800 N. University Blvd., Jacksonville, features the exhibit “Skeleton in the Closet,” a collection of portraits and accompanying text by photographer Fritz Liedtke, chronicling the stories of people living with anorexia and bulimia. The exhibit runs through March 28.

256-7371.

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Freaking in Tongues: Sound poet Jaap Blonk performs at MOCAJax on Tuesday, March 27.

Tower of Babble Power

When it comes to sound poetry, Jaap Blonk always has the final word JAAP BLONK Tuesday, March 27 at 7:30 p.m.

Museum of Contemporary Art’s MOCA Theater, 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville Admission is free; seating is limited 366-6911

W

here does language end and sound begin?

Since the early ’80s, composer, performance artist and sound poet Jaap Blonk has been exploring the answer, both on the concert stage and in studio recordings. The 58-year-old native of The Netherlands has been featured on dozens of releases, as a composer leading the orchestra Splinks, as the vocalist for the avantrock trio BRAAXTAAL, and in collaboration with fellow improv heavyweights, like reeds players John Tchicai, Ab Baars, Mats Gustafson and percussionist Michael Zerang. Yet Blonk (jaapblonk.com) is primarily known as a sound poet, working in a style that combines performance art with Blonk’s own vocal noises, which range from cooing hums and chattering clicks to screams and even weirdly melodious nonfluencies that can resemble lullabies from another galaxy.

Blonk is also an interpreter of avant garde vocal works, including “Ursonate,” (1922’32) a piece by Dadaist Kurt Schwitters that was a pioneering attempt to create auditory art from phonetics found solely in human speech. Blonk performs at the MOCA Theater on March 27 as part of the John Cage Festival: a 100th Birthday Celebration, a week-long event celebrating the creative maverick Cage (1912-’92) and his contributions to contemporary art. Blonk intends to perform two Cage pieces: “Aria” (1958), which Cage originally wrote for the innovative vocalist Cathy Berberian, and a piece from 1970’s “Song Books.”

Folio Weekly spoke to Blonk via Skype during his recent tour stop in Berkeley, Calif., and what follows is a bit of the exchange.

Folio Weekly: How would you describe what you do?

Jaap Blonk: I’m working in a way that combines poetry and music, many times in voice sounds and words that have no meaning — and even invented languages. Avant garde is usually associated with things that are difficult to understand, but actually my work is communicating very directly, as the mouth is an instrument that almost every human being

has. So people can usually connect very easily to what I do.

F.W.: How much of your performance is based on composition, versus improvisation?

J.B.: In a solo performance, I would say more than half is composed, but the way they are written allows for a lot of liberty. I usually decide on the spot what the program will be, and even during the performance, I might change it up.

F.W: How did John Cage influence you?

J.B.: Cage’s writing really influenced me and his ideas, for instance, that any sound can be music.

You can hardly draw a line between some of his vocal music and what we consider sound poetry.

F.W.: Did you spend any time studying other languages just for their sense of the timbre and sounds?

J.B.: I did, yes. Sometimes I would buy language courses on cassette and listen to them, with no intention of learning the meaning of the language or words, but rather just to hear new sounds.

F.W.: Have you ever had any hostile audience reactions?

J.B.: I was once asked to open for The Stranglers at a concert in The Netherlands and there was a crowd of about 2,000 people. Even when I was announced and had yet to open my mouth, people began screaming, “F*ck off !” I was doing “Ursonate,” which is about a halfhour-long piece, so they kept throwing beer at me. By the end of my set, I had six security guards onstage with me, fighting people off.

But I had a good P.A. and I stood my ground.

I’d say I managed to win over a few hundred people. But there was a lot of energy and I always like that, even if the crowd is against me.

© 2011

F.W.: I don’t think the crowd here will be as violent.

J.B.: Actually, the first time I played in Jacksonville, I believe it was 2005, I had a great response. A fan had made a six-hour drive to get to the performance and he had five or six CDs for me to sign. It’s very rare in Europe that people would value something so much that they would even make such a long drive!

[Laughs.] So I look forward to coming back!

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 45

EVENTS LIONS SEAFOOD FESTIVAL The 31st annual St. Augustine Lions Seafood Festival is held from 3-9 p.m. on March 16, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. on March 17 and 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on March 18 at Francis Field, 25 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. Boatloads of seafood and arts and crafts are featured. Bands performing include Saltwater Cowgirls, Pam Curtis & Up The Creek, Florida State Bluegrass Band, Valerie Smith & Liberty Pike, Cheryl Watson & Watertown and Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard. Admission is $2, kids 12 and under are free. Proceeds benefit Lions Club charities. 829-1753. lionsfestival.com LIGHTHOUSE & MUSEUM FESTIVAL The 20th annual festival is held from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on March 17 at the St. Augustine Lighthouse, 81 Lighthouse Ave., St. Augustine. Live music, pony rides, food and drink, wooden boat show, kids’ crafts, a bouncy house and the Junior Service League 5K run/walk are featured. Admission is free. Kids must be 44 inches tall to climb the lighthouse; those younger than 12 must be accompanied by an adult.

829-0745. staugustinelighthouse.org NANO DAYS AT MOSH The Nanoscale Informal Science Education Network’s nationwide festival is celebrated locally from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on March 17 at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Interactive booths and demonstrations explain this new science of really small stuff, and members of the Jacksonville Giants ABA basketball team are on hand. NanoDays is included with museum admission which is $10 for adults and $8 for senior citizens, active and retired military and children 3-12. There is no admission fee for children 2 and under or museum members. 396-6674. themosh.org COMMUNITY LECTURE SERIES The Flagler College Community Lecture Series “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Glory: An Interdisciplinary Evaluation of War” presents Dr. Roger Bradley at 10 a.m. on March 13 in the college’s Flagler Room, 74 King St., St. Augustine.

Bradley discusses “Did World War II End the Great Depression?” Tickets are $5. Active military personnel may attend at no charge. For reservations, call 819-6282. flagler.edu COSMIC CONCERTS Laser shows include Laser magic at 7 p.m., Laseropolis at 8 p.m., Laser Hypnotica at 9 p.m. and Laser X at 10 p.m. on March 16 in Bryan-Gooding Planetarium, at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville.

Online tickets are $5. 396-7062. moshplanetarium.org LINCOLNVILLE FARMERS’ MARKET The weekly market, held from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. every Sun. at 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, offers local and organic produce, baked goods, coffees, cheeses, prepared foods, crafts and jewelry at the south end of Lincolnville in Eddie Vickers Park. There’s a community garden, too. lincolnvillefarmersmarket.com

POLITICS, BUSINESS & ACTIVISM FREETHOUGHT SOCIETY Attorney Mark Palmer discusses “Taxpayer-Funded Religion in Florida” at 6:30 p.m. on March 19 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville. 419-8826.

YULEE AREA COUNCIL This group gets together at 8:30 a.m. on March 13 at Paul Clark Ford, 464046 E. S.R. 200, Yulee. Admission is free. islandchamber.com JACKSONVILLE JOURNEY The oversight committee of this crime-fighting initiative meets at 4 p.m. on March 15 in Eighth Floor Conference Room 851, Ed Ball Building, 214 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville.

630-7306.

SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB The Spring Youth Achievers program is held at 11:30 a.m. on March 14 at San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is $20. For reservations, call 396-5559.

PUBLIC RELATIONS & THE ST. JOHNS RIVER The Jacksonville Chapter of Florida Public Relations Association holds a luncheon field trip from 11:30 a.m.-1:15 p.m. on March 13 at Jacksonville University’s Marine Science Research Institute, 2800 University Blvd.

N., Rooms 234 & 244 at the end of the second floor hall. A. Quinton White, Ph.D. and St. Johns Riverkeeper Lisa Rinaman discuss the River Accord and how public and media relations are being used to educate local

46 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

residents about conservation efforts. Admission is $40 for non-members, $20 for students. To register, go to www. fpra-jax.org UNF SMALL BUSINESS CLASS “Government Contracting 101” is held from 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. on March 13 and April 18 at the Small Business Development Center at University of North Florida, 12000 Alumni Dr., Jacksonville. The fee is $30. “How to S-T-AR-T-U-P Your Own Business” is held from 6-9 p.m. on March 20 and April 19; fee is $40 in advance, $50 day of workshop. 620-2476. sbdc.unf.edu PEOPLE’S LAW SCHOOL Free, one-hour legal classes are presented by St. Johns Legal Aid Staff at 4 p.m. every Tue. at St. Johns Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine.

827-6900.

LEGAL AID FREE CLINICS Jacksonville Area Legal Aid offers free clinics, with no appointment necessary, at 126 W. Adams St., Jacksonville.

Topics are: Bankruptcy at 5 p.m. on the first Thur. each month; Consumer Rights at 5 p.m. on third Wed.; Emancipation at 5 p.m. on the first Wed.; Child Support Modification at 5:30 p.m. on the second Thur. of each month; Dissolution of Marriage at 5:30 p.m. on the fourth Thur. of each month; Foreclosure and Home Ownership clinic at 5 p.m. on the second Wed. of the month; Custody/ Timesharing/Paternity at 5:30 p.m. on the third Tue. of the month. Small Claims Court at 5:30 p.m. on the second Tue. of each month at Duval County Courthouse, 330 E. Bay St., Room 505, Jacksonville. In Nassau County, a Consumer Law Clinic is offered at the Nassau County Courthouse in Yulee. A sign-up is required; call (904) 356-8371, ext. 307. jaxlegalaid.org

LIBRARIES, BOOKS & WRITING WRITERS’ THEATER PARTNERSHIP Bring your original work at 6 p.m. on March 13 to Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine. 209-3731. rogersandlatka@yahoo.com sjcpls.org LAUREN GROFF Bestselling author Groff talks about and signs copies of her new book, “Arcadia,” at 7 p.m. on March 15 at The BookMark, 220 First St., Neptune Beach. 241-9026.

CASSANDRA KING Author King appears at 7 p.m. on March 20 at Flagler College Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine.

Admission is free. 819-6400. flagler.edu CIARRA MURRAY Novelist Murray presents her book, “Hood Bible: King Pin Version,” on march 17 at Deja Vu Lounge, 1827 N. Pearl St., Jacksonville. 554-3771.

FREE FINANCIAL SEMINARS Smart investing@your library, a series of seminars designed to help folks navigate common financial issues, is held through March 22 at libraries throughout the city.

The program ends with an appearance by author Michelle Singletary at the Main Library on March 24 at noon.

Seminars are free; registration is required. To register, call 630-2665 or go to jaxpubliclibrary.org WRITERS CRITIQUE GROUP This group gathers from 6-8:30 p.m. on the first Tue. of the month at Mandarin Library, 3330 Kori Road, Jacksonville.

Admission is free. 428-4681. cdspublicity.com

COMEDY JOSH BLUE Allstars at 8 p.m. on March 13 and 14. Josh Blue appears at 8 p.m. on March 15 and at 8 and 10 p.m. on March 16 and 17 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville. Tickets range from $18-$25. 292-4242.

SQUARE ONE STANDUP Moses West and Herman Nazworth host standup and spoken word at 9 p.m. every Tue. at Square One, 1974 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. 306-9004.

JACKIE KNIGHT’S COMEDY CLUB Roz McCoy, Herman Nazworth, Joey Marmo and Hope Nichols appear at 8:30 p.m. on March 16; tickets are $10.

Forrest Shaw and Lisa Corrao appear on March 17 at 3009 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. Tickets are $8 and $12. 461-8843.

LATITUDE 30 COMEDY Phil Tag is featured at 8 p.m. on March 16 and 17 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside. Tickets are $13. 365-5555.

Saltwater Cowgirls are among the featured bands at the 31st annual St. Augustine Lions Seafood Festival, held from March 16-18 at Francis Field, 25 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. In addition to live music, the event features boatloads of seafood and arts and crafts. Admission is $2, kids 12 and under are free.

JAKE HEAD Local comic Head appears with Kris Niblock at 8 p.m. on March 14 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $4 online; $6 at the door. 864-6269, 3534686. brownpapertickets.com/event/224774

UPCOMING SUZANNE WESTENHOEFER March 24, The Florida Theatre BEN FOLDS WITH JAX SYMPHONY April 14, T-U Center SLOW FOOD FIRST COAST TOUR DE FARM April 22 RIVER CITY CHALLENGE May 5, Downtown Jacksonville THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP May 5-13, TPC Sawgrass SLASH May 9, The Florida Theatre WILCO May 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre K.D. LANG & THE SISS BOOM BANG May 29, The Florida Theatre THE TURTLES WITH FLO & EDDIE, THE MONKEES’ MICKY DOLENZ, GARY PUCKETT & THE UNION GAP, THE GRASS ROOTS AND THE BUCKINGHAMS June 14, The Florida Theatre

NATURE, SPORTS & OUTDOORS ST. JOHNS RIVER CELEBRATION The 17th annual St. Johns River Cleanup & Celebration is held from 8-11 a.m. on March 17 at multiple sites along the river throughout Northeast Florida. In Duval, call 630-3420 or go to coj.net. In Clay, call 269-6374. stjohnsriverkeeper.org GETTIN’ JIGGY FISHING SEMINAR The local nonprofit In River or Ocean offers this free fishing seminar featuring local fishing guides Capt. Larry Miniard and Capt. Tony Bozella on March 15 at Mudville Grille, 3105 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. A social hour is at 6 p.m.; the presentation starts at 7 p.m. The captains discuss local waters, hot fishing spots and fishing tips.

398-9660.

ROLLERGIRLS The Jacksonville RollerGirls play at double header on March 17 at University of North Florida’s Arena, 4567 St. Johns Bluff Road S., Jacksonville. Duval Derby Dames vs.

First Coast Fatales at 6 p.m. and New Jax City Rollers vs.

Blue Ridge RollerGirls at 7 p.m. Tickets are $11 in advance or $13 at the door and children 10 and under are free.

BrownPaperTickets.com jacksonvillerollergirls.com

5K/10K TRAIL RUN GTM Research Reserve’s third annual trail run is held at 9 a.m. on March 17; meet at the Reserve’s trailhead pavilion, 505 Guana River Road, Ponte Vedra. Registration is $30 for the 5K, $35 for the 10K; students $15 with a valid ID. There is a $3 per vehicle parking fee. Proceeds benefit GTM research and conservation programs. 400-3661.

823-4500.

FREE ORCHID SHOW “Orchids: Nature’s Masterpiece” is held from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on March 17 and 18 at The Garden Club of Jacksonville, 1005 Riverside Ave. jaxorchidsociety.org SECRETS OF THE SALT MARSH A park ranger discusses the importance of estuarine systems that surround the inshore sides of barrier islands and leads a hike at 2 p.m. on March 17 at Ribault Club, Ft. George Island Cultural State Park, 11241 Ft. George Road, Ft. George Island. Admission is free. 251-2320. floridastateparks.org/littletalbotisland NATIVE PLANT SOCIETY Florida Native Plant Society, Ixia Chapter, meets at 6:30 p.m. on March 15 at Regency Square Library, 9900 Regency Square Blvd., Jacksonville. Leslie Pierpont discusses “Landscaping With Natives.” Admission is free.

655-2550. ixia.fnpschapters.org PLANT CLINICS Duval County Master Gardeners host plant clinics from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on March 17 and 24 at various area locations. They will answer gardening questions and will be accepting soil samples for pH testing. For locations, call 255-7450. coj.net WHY NATIVE? PRESENTATION Landscape architect and native plant expert Jake Ingram discusses the use of native plants in landscaping from 11 a.m.-noon on March 17 at Philips Garden Store, 4234 Herschel St., Jacksonville. 389-0933.

COMMUNITY INTEREST LIBERTARIANS OF DUVAL COUNTY Former prosecutor KrisAnne Hall discusses the U.S. Constitution at 6:30 p.m. on March 15 at Golden Corral, 4250 Southside Blvd., Jacksonville. jaxlp.com COMMUNITY SHRED The Clay County Sheriff’s Office and Shred-It offer a free shredding program from 9 a.m.-noon on March 16 across from Orange Park Kennel Club, near 455 Park Ave., Orange Park. Bring up to three standard boxes of material to be shredded. 535-7182.

AUTISM SYMPOSIUM Wolfson Children’s Hospital presents the fourth annual symposium at 9 a.m. on March 14 at University of North Florida’s University Center, 12000 Alumni Drive, Jacksonville. Admission is $45, which includes lunch. 2026039. wolfsonchildrens.org HAZARDOUS WASTE & E-WASTE COLLECTIONS Household hazardous waste and electronic waste are

collected from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. on March 17 at Blue Cypress Park, 4012 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. The collection is held monthly. 630-2489.

HERB FESTIVAL Jacksonville Herb Society holds its 18th annual Herb Festival from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on March 19 at Glynlea Grace United Methodist Church, 6429 Atlantic Blvd., Jacksonville.

Herbs, soaps and lotions, food (for people and pets) and arts & crafts are featured. JacksonvilleHerbSociety@yahoo.com HEARING LOSS ASSOCIATION This group gets together at 6:30 p.m. on March 20 at West Regional Library, Room 105B, 1425 Chaffee Road S., Jacksonville. 778-2265.

CHILDRENS’ WEEK ADVOCACY WALK Jacksonville Kid’s Coalition holds this walk at 10 a.m. on March 20 at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. 350-9949. jaxkidscoalition.org DOWN SYNDROME 3-2-1 5K Down Syndrome Association of Jacksonville holds this 5K through downtown at 9 a.m. on March 17, to raise awareness about programs and services that are made available to children and adults with Down syndrome in Jacksonville. dsja.org NAMI YARD & BAKE SALE The National Alliance on Mental Illness for Volusia, Flagler and St. Johns Counties holds a yard and bake sale from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. on March 17 at 6922 Sea Place Ave., St. Augustine, off S.R. 206 near Crescent Beach. The group meets at 6 p.m. every Tue. at Florida School for the Deaf & the Blind’s Moore Hall, 10 Macaris St., St. Augustine. nami-stjohns.org UNF HEART HEALTH STUDY The School of Nursing at University of North Florida is seeking participants for a heart health study, targeting Filipino women in order to answer heart-health questions related to diabetes and cholesterol. The event is held from 7 a.m.-1 p.m. on March 24 at Holy Spirit Catholic Church’s Monsignor Heslin Hall, 11665 Fort Caroline Road, Jacksonville. For more information, call Dr. Irma Ancheta, School of Nursing, Brooks College of Health, at 383-2392.

PING PONG TOURNAMENT A ping-pong tournament is held at 7 p.m. every Tue. at Green Room Brewing, 228 Third St. N., Jax Beach. 201-9283.

KIDS SPRING INTO SCIENCE CAMP This camp, for kids K-5, offers exhibits and planetarium programs from 9 a.m.-3:30 p.m. March 19-23 at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville.

Activities include Engineering with Food, Flower Power, Space Science 101, Animal Encounter, and Lego Camp: Architect Adventure. Cost is $40 per day or $180 for the entire week. MOSH members receive a discount. 396-6674 ext. 226. themosh.org TEEN “HUNGER GAMES” PROGRAM Teens 12-19 celebrate the release of the new movie (opening on March 23) at 6 p.m. on March 20 at Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine. 827-6900.

LEGO BRICK CLUB More than 60 pounds of the little plastic bricks are ready at 3:30 p.m. on March 16 at Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine. 209-3731.

CLASSES & GROUPS SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PLANTS The members of the Garden Club of St. Augustine feature spring flowers at 2 p.m. on March 17 at Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine.

209-3731.

WOMEN’S SELF-DEFENSE CLASS The St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office offers this course at 6:30 p.m. on March 19 and 26 at Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine. To register, call 810-6694.

PATIENT/CAREGIVER Northeast Florida Brain Tumor Patient/Caregiver Support Group gathers at 10 a.m. on March 17 and every third Sat. of each month at FSCJ Deerwood Center, 9911 Old Baymeadows Road, Jacksonville. 273-8755.

BEREAVEMENT CLASS a grief and loss bereavement class is held from 7-8 p.m. every Thur., March 13-April 3, at Haven Hospice, 8301 Cypress Drive, Ste. 119, Jacksonville. 733-9818.

NAMI SUPPORT GROUP National Alliance on Mental Illness support group meets from 7-8:30 p.m. every first and third Thur. of the month at Ortega United Methodist Church, 4807 Roosevelt Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is free. 389-5556. ortegaumc.org DEPRESSION BIPOLAR SUPPORT GROUP The DBSA support group meets from 5:30-7 p.m. every Wed. at River Point Behavioral Health’s Outpatient Building, 6300 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 343-6511 or 964-9743.

Q-GROUP ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS This free, open discussion is held at 5:30 p.m. Mon.-Fri. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Jacksonville. alcoholicanonymous.org DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR SUPPORT ALLIANCE This support group meets from 6-7:30 p.m. every Tue. at Baptist Medical Center, 800 Prudential Drive, Jacksonville.

For more information, call 616-6264 or 294-5720.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Do you have a drug problem? Maybe they can help.

358-6262, 723-5683. serenitycoastna.org, firstcoastna.org NICOTINE ANONYMOUS (NIC-A) Want to quit smoking or using other forms of nicotine?

Nic-A is free, and you don’t have to quit to attend the meetings, held at 6:30 p.m. every Wed. at Trinity Lutheran Church, 1415 S. McDuff Ave., Westside. 404-6044. nicotineanonymous.org NAR-A-NON This group meets at 8 p.m. every Tue. and Thur. at 4172 Shirley Ave., Avondale. 945-7168.

To get your event included in this listing, email the time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to events@folioweekly.com or click the link in our Happenings section at folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

A 5K run is the centerpiece of the 20th annual Lighthouse & Museum Festival, but the event also features kids crafts, pony rides, food and a wooden boat show from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on March 17 at the St. Augustine Lighthouse, 81 Lighthouse Ave., St. Augustine. Admission is free. Kids must be 44 inches tall to climb the lighthouse. 829-0745. staugustinelighthouse.org

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 47

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer, Wine FB = Full Bar CM = Children’s Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast L = Lunch D = Dinner F = Folio Weekly distribution point Send changes to mdryden@folioweekly.com

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

(In Fernandina Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE BEECH STREET GRILL Fine dining in a casual atmosphere. The menu includes fresh local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes created with a variety of ethnic influences.

Award-winning wine list. FB. L, Wed.-Fri.; D, nightly; Sun. brunch. 801 Beech St. 277-3662. $$$ BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ F At the foot of Centre Street, the upscale restaurant overlooks the Harbor Marina. The menu includes daily specials, fresh Florida seafood and an extensive wine list. FB. L & D, daily. 1 S. Front St. 261-2660. $$$ BRIGHT MORNINGS The small café offers freshly baked goods. B & L daily. 105 S. Third St. 491-1771. $$ CAFÉ 4750 At the Italian kitchen and wine bar, Chef de Cuisine Garrett Gooch offers roasted sea bass, frutti di mare soup, clam linguini, panatela bruschetta and fresh gelatos. Dine indoors or on the terrace. FB. B, L & D, daily. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$$ CAFÉ KARIBO F Eclectic cuisine, served under the oaks in historic Fernandina, features sandwiches and chef’s specials.

Alfresco dining. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sat.; L, Sun. & Mon. 27 N. Third St. 277-5269. $$ CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY F European-style breads, pastries, croissants, muffins and pies baked daily. 1014 Atlantic Ave. 491-4663. $ EIGHT Contemporary sports lounge offers burgers, sandwiches, wings and nachos. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Fri. & Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$ FERNANDELI F Classics with a Southern touch, like a onethird-pound devil dog, Reubens and pulled pork. Sandwiches and wraps built to order from fresh cold cuts, tuna, egg and turkey salads. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 17B S. Eighth St. 261-0008. $ GENNARO’S RISTORANTE ITALIANO F Southern Italian cuisine: pasta, gourmet ravioli, hand-tossed pizzas.

Specialties are margharita pizza and shrimp feast. Bread is baked on-site. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 5472 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island, 491-1999. $$ HALFTIME SPORTS BAR & GRILL F Sports bar fare includes onion rings, spring rolls, burgers, wraps and wings. Plenty of TVs show nearly every sport imaginable. L & D, daily. BW. 320 S. Eighth St. 321-0303. $ HAPPY TOMATO COURTYARD CAFE & BBQ Pulled pork sandwich, chicken salad and walnut chocolate chunk cookie, served in a laid-back atmosphere. BW. CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 7 S. Third St. 321-0707. $$ JACK & DIANE’S F Casual cafe offers steak & eggs, pancakes, Cajun scampi, etouffée, curry pizza, vegan black bean cakes, shrimp & grits, hand-carved steaks. FB. B, L & D, daily. 708 Centre St. 321-1444. $$ JOE’S 2ND STREET BISTRO Elegant island atmosphere. NY strip steak with sauces, Maine crab cakes, seafood fricassee and roast chicken penne pasta. BW. CM. D, nightly. 14 S. Second St. 321-2558. $$$ KABUKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Teppanyaki masters create your meal; plus a 37-item sushi bar. BW. D, Tue.-Sun. Amelia Plaza. 277-8782. $$ KELLEY’S COURTYARD CAFE F She crab soup, salads, fried green tomatoes, sandwiches and wraps are served indoors or out on the patio. Vegetarian dishes are also offered. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 19 S. Third St. 432-8213. $ LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE F An innovative lunch menu includes po’boys and seafood “little plates” served in a historic house. Dinner features fresh local seafood. Nightly specials. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations recommended. 11 S. Seventh St. 432-8394. $$ MONTEGO BAY COFFEE CAFE Locally owned and operated, with specialty coffees, fruit smoothies. Dine in or hit the drivethru. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 463363 S.R. 200, Yulee. 225-3600. $ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Northernstyle pizza by the pie or the slice. Choose from more than 20 toppings. Owner-selected wines and a large beer selection.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 925 S. 14th St. 321-3400. $ THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE Organic eatery, juice bar. Extensive menu features vegetarian, vegan items. Daily specials: local seafood, free-range chicken, fresh organic produce. CM. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 833 TJ Courson Rd. 277-3141. $$ O’KANE’S IRISH PUB F Rustic, genuine Irish pub up front, eatery in back, featuring daily specials, fish-n-chips, and soups served in a sourdough bread bowl. FB. L & D, Mon.Sun. 318 Centre St. 261-1000. $$ PEPPER’S MEXICAN GRILL & CANTINA F The family restaurant offers authentic Mexican cuisine. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 520 Centre St. 272-2011. $$ PICANTE GRILL ROTISSERIE BAR F Flavors of Peru and Latin America, served in a modern atmosphere. Authentic

48 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

Walter Coker

DINING GUIDE KEY

Peruvian cebiche and homestyle empanadas. BW, CM, TO. L & D tue sat. 464073 S.R. 200, Ste. 2, Yulee. 310-9222. $$ PLAE In Omni Amelia Island Plantation’s Spa & Shops, the cozy venue offers an innovative and PLAEful dining experience. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, nightly. 277-2132. $$$ SALT, THE GRILL Best of Jax 2011 winner. Elegant dining featuring local seafood and produce, served in a contemporary coastal setting. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. The RitzCarlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

491-6746. $$$$ SANDOLLAR RESTAURANT & MARINA F Dine inside or on the deck. Snow crab legs, fresh fish, shellfish dishes. FB. L & D, daily. 9716 Heckscher Dr., Ft. George Island. 251-2449. $$ SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL F Oceanfront dining; local seafood, shrimp, crab cakes, outdoor beachfront tiki & raw bar, covered deck and kids’ playground. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 277-6652. $$ THE SURF F Dine inside or on the large oceanview deck.

Steaks, fresh fish, shrimp and nightly specials. Late-night menu. FB. L & D, daily. 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 261-5711. $$ TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES F The name pretty much says it all. Tasty’s offers burgers (Angus beef, turkey or veggie) and fries (like cheese fries, sweet potato fries), along with dogs, shakes, floats and soup. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, BW. 710 Centre St. 321-0409. $ T-RAY’S BURGER STATION F A favorite local spot; Best of Jax 2011 winner. Grilled or blackened fish sandwiches, homemade burgers. BW, TO. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 202 S. Eighth St. 261-6310. $ 29 SOUTH EATS F Part of historic Fernandina Beach’s downtown scene. Award-winning Chef Scotty serves traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, Mon.-Sat.; Sun. brunch. 29 S. Third St. 277-7919. $$

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

EAST COAST BUFFET F A 160+ item Chinese, Japanese, American and Italian buffet. Dine in, take out. FB. L & D, Mon.Sat.; Sun. brunch. 9569 Regency Sq. Blvd. N. 726-9888. $$ KABUTO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR Steak & shrimp, filet mignon & lobster, shrimp & scallops, a sushi bar, teppanyaki grill and traditional Japanese cuisine. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10055 Atlantic Blvd. 724-8883. $$$ LA NOPALERA Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8818 Atlantic Blvd. 720-0106. $ NERO’S CAFE F Traditional Italian fare, including seafood, veal, beef, chicken and pasta dishes. Weekly specials are lasagna, 2-for-1 pizza and AYCE spaghetti. CM, FB. L, Sun.; D, daily. 3607 University Blvd. N. 743-3141. $$ REGENCY ALE HOUSE & RAW BAR Generous portions and friendly service in a nautical atmosphere. Fresh fish, specialty pastas, fresh oysters and clams. BW. L & D, daily. 9541 Regency Square Blvd. S. 720-0551. $$ TREY’S DELI & GRILL F Fresh food served in a relaxed atmosphere. Burgers, Trey’s Reuben, deli sandwiches, pork, steaks, seafood, pies. Prime rib specials every Fri. night. CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 2044 Rogero Rd. 744-3690. $$ UNIVERSITY DINER F The popular diner serves familiar breakfast fare and lunch like meatloaf, burgers, sandwiches: wraps, BLTs, clubs, melts. Daily specials. BW. B & L, Sat. & Sun.; B, L & D, Mon.-Fri. 5959 Merrill Rd. 762-3433. $

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BISCOTTIS F Mozzarella bruschetta, Avondale pizza, sandwiches, espresso, cappuccino. Revolving daily specials.

B, Tue.-Sun.; L & D, daily. 3556 St. Johns Ave. 387-2060. $$$ THE BLUE FISH RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR Fresh seafood, steaks and more are served in a casual atmosphere. Halfportions are available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 3551 St. Johns Ave., Shoppes of Avondale. 387-0700. $$$ BRICK RESTAURANT F Creative all-American fare like tuna tartare, seaweed salad and Kobe burger. Outside dining. FB. L & D, daily. 3585 St. Johns Ave. 387-0606. $$$ THE CASBAH F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Middle Eastern cuisine is served in a friendly atmosphere. BW. L & D, daily.

3628 St. Johns Ave. 981-9966. $$ ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE F Gauchos carve the meat onto your plate from serving tables. FB. D, Tue.-Sun., closed Mon. 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40. 388-4884. $$$ THE FOX RESTAURANT F The Fox has been a Jacksonville landmark for 50-plus years. Owners Ian & Mary Chase serve classic diner-style fare, homemade desserts. B & L daily.

3580 St. Johns Ave. 387-2669. $ GREEN MAN GOURMET Organic and natural products, spices, teas, salts, BW. Open daily. 3543 St. Johns Ave. 384-0002. $ MOJO NO. 4 F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3572 St. Johns Ave. 381-6670. $$ ORSAY Best of Jax 2011 winner. The French/American bistro focuses on craftsmanship and service. FB. D, Mon.-Sat.; Brunch & D, Sun. 3630 Park St. 381-0909. $$$ TOM & BETTY’S F A Jacksonville tradition for more than 30 years, Tom & Betty’s serves hefty sandwiches with classic car themes, along with homemade-style dishes. CM, FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4409 Roosevelt Blvd. 387-3311. $$ ’town F Owner Meghan Purcell and Executive Chef Scott Ostrander bring farm-to-table to Northeast Florida, offering American fare with an emphasis on sustainability. FB. L & D,

Bayfront views, microbrews and an innovative menu of New World cuisine are on tap at A1A Ale Works, on the Plaza de la Constitucion in downtown St. Augustine.

Mon.-Sat. 3611 St. Johns Ave. 345-2596. $$

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 8060 Philips Hwy. 731-4300. $ BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA F Family-owned&-operated New York-style pizzeria serves hand-tossed, brick-oven-baked pizza, traditional Italian dinners, wings, subs. Delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 10920 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 3. 519-8000. $$ CAFE CONFLUENCE F The European coffeehouse serves Italian specialty coffees and smoothies, along with paninis, salads and European chocolates. Outdoor dining. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 8612 Baymeadows Rd. 733-7840. $ CHA-CHA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT F Owner Celso Alvarado offers authentic Mexican fare with 26 combo dinners and specialty dishes including chalupas, enchiladas, burritos.

FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd. 737-9903. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F Chicago-style deepdish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from the Comastro family, serving authentic Windy City favorites for 25+ years.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy. 731-9797. $$ DEERWOOD DELI & DINER F The ’50s-style diner serves malts, shakes, Reubens, Cubans, burgers, and traditional breakfast items. CM. B & L, daily. 9934 Old Baymeadows Rd. 641-4877. $$ THE FIFTH ELEMENT F Authentic Indian, South Indian and Indochinese dishes made with artistic flair. Lunch buffet includes lamb, goat, chicken, tandoori and biryani items. CM. L & D, daily. 9485 Baymeadows Rd. 448-8265. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 8650 Baymeadows Rd. 448-0500. $$ INDIA RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Extensive menu of entrées, clay-oven grilled Tandoori specialties and chicken tandoor, fish, seafood and korma. L, Mon.-Sat., D, daily. 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8. 620-0777. $$ LARRY’S GIANT SUBS F With locations all over Northeast Florida, Larry’s piles subs up with fresh fixins and serves ’em fast. Some Larry’s Subs offer B & W and/or serve breakfast.

CM. L & D, daily. 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9 (Goodby’s Creek), 737-7740; 8616 Baymeadows Rd. 739-2498. larryssubs.com $ LEMONGRASS F Upscale Thai cuisine in a metropolitan atmosphere. Chef Aphayasane’s innovative creations include roast duckling and fried snapper. BW. R. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.Sat. 9846 Old Baymeadows Rd. 645-9911. $$ MANDALOUN MEDITERRANEAN CUISINE F The Lebanese restaurant offers authentic cuisine: lahm meshwe, kafta khoshkhas and baked filet of red snapper. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9862 Old Baymeadows Rd. 646-1881. $$

NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The organic supermarket offers a full deli and a hot bar with fresh soups, quesadillas, rotisserie chicken and vegan sushi, as well as a fresh juice and smoothie bar. 11030 Baymeadows Rd. 260-2791. $ OMAHA STEAKHOUSE Center-cut beef, seafood, sandwiches served in an English tavern atmosphere. The signature dish is a 16-ounce bone-in ribeye. Desserts include crème brûlée.

FB. L & D, daily. 9300 Baymeadows Rd., Embassy Suites Hotel. 739-6633. $$ ORANGE TREE HOT DOGS F Hot dogs with slaw, chili cheese, sauerkraut; and small pizzas. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 8380 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 4. 733-0588. orangetreehotdogs.com $ PATTAYA THAI GRILLE F Traditional Thai and vegetarian items and a 40-plus item vegetarian menu served in a contemporary atmosphere. B/W. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1. 646-9506. $$ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 3928 Baymeadows Rd. 527-8649. $$ STICKY FINGERS F Memphis-style rib house specializes in barbecue ribs served several ways. FB. L & D, daily. 8129 Point Meadows Way. 493-7427. $$ UDIPI CAFE Authentic South Indian vegetarian cuisine. L & D, Tue.-Fri. 8642 Baymeadows Rd. 402-8084. $ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 9910 Old Baymeadows Rd. 641-7171. $

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

A LA CARTE Authentic New England fare like Maine lobster rolls, fried Ipswich clams, crab or clam cake sandwich, fried shrimp basket, haddock sandwich, clam chowdah, birch beer and blueberry soda. Dine inside or on the deck. TO. L, Fri.-Tue. 331 First Ave. N. 241-2005. $$ AL’S PIZZA F Serving hand-tossed gourmet pizzas, calzones and Italian entrees for more than 21 years. Voted Best Pizza

by Folio Weekly readers from 1996-2011. BW. L & D, daily.

303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-0002. $ ANGIE’S SUBS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Subs are madeto-order fresh. Serious casual. Wicked good iced tea. 1436 Beach Blvd. 246-2519. $ BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET F The full fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, oyster baskets, Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or outside. Beach delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 120 S. Third St. 444-8862. $$ BONGIORNO’S PHILLY STEAK SHOP F South Philly’s Bongiorno clan imports Amoroso rolls for Real Deal cheesesteak, Original Gobbler, clubs, wraps, burgers, dogs. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2294 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach. 246-3278. $$

Advertising pro

this is a copyright protected pro BONO’S PIT BAR-B-Q F Baby back ribs, fried corn, sweet potatoes. BW. L & D, daily. 1307 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 270-2666. 1266 S. Third St. 249-8704. bonosbarbq.com $ BUDDHA’S BELLY F Authentic Thai dishes made with fresh ingredients using tried-and-true recipes. FB, TO. L & D, daily.

301 10th Ave. N. 372-9149. $$ BURRITO GALLERY EXPRESS F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

The Gallery’s kid sister at the beach each is mostly take-out; same great chow, fast service. 1333 Third St. N. 242-8226. $ CAMPECHE BAY CANTINA F Homemade-style Mexican items are fajitas, enchiladas and fried ice cream, plus margaritas. FB. D, nightly. 127 First Ave. N. 249-3322. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield.

2429 S. 3rd St. 372-9000. $ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

320 N. First St. 270-8565. $$ CRAB CAKE FACTORY JAX F Chef Khan Vongdara presents an innovative menu of seafood dishes and seasonal favorites.

FB. L & D daily. 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza. 247-9880. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner, serving burgers, sandwiches, nachos, tacos, quesadillas and cheese fries. 319 23rd Ave. S. 270-0356. $ CULHANE’S IRISH PUB Four Culhane sisters own and operate the authentic Irish pub, with faves Guinness stew, lamb sliders and fish pie. L, Fri.-Sun.; D, Tue.-Sun.; weekend brunch. FB, CM. 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach.

249-9595. $$ CYCLONES TEX-MEX CANTINA F The place has freshly made Tex-Mex favorites, including fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, tamales and taco salad. Lunch combos include Mexican rice and beans. FB. L & D, daily. 1222 Third St. S. 694-0488. $$ DICK’S WINGS F The NASCAR-themed place serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and salads. BW, TO. L & D daily. 2434 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 372-0298. 311 N. Third St., 853-5004. $ DWIGHT’S The Mediterranean-style bistro features fresh local seafood, filet mignon, mixed grill and an extensive wine list.

D, Tue.-Sat. 1527 Penman Rd. 241-4496. $$$$ ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Jax Beach restaurant serves gastropub fare like soups, salads, flatbreads and specialty sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Daily specials, too. CM, BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217. 249-2337. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 992 Beach Blvd. 249-3001. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Casual dining with uptown Irish flair, including fish and chips, Guinness beef stew and black-and-tan brownies. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 242-9499. $$ THE FISH COMPANY F Fresh, local seafood is served, including Mayport shrimp, fish baskets and grilled tuna and there’s an oyster bar. L & D, daily. CM, FB. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 12, Atlantic Beach. 246-0123. $$ HALA SANDWICH SHOP & BAKERY Authentic Middle Eastern favorites include gyros, shwarma, pita bread, made fresh daily. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 1451 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 249-2212. $$ HOT DOG HUT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. All-beef hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, crab cakes, beer-battered onion rings and French fries. B. L, daily. 1439 Third St. S. 247-8886. $ ICHIBAN F Three dining areas: teppan or hibachi tables (watch a chef prepare your food), a sushi bar and Westernstyle seating offering tempura and teriyaki. FB, Japanese plum wine. L & D, daily. 675 N. Third St. 247-4688. $$ LYNCH’S IRISH PUB The full-service restaurant offers corned beef & cabbage, Shepherd’s pie, fish-n-chips. 30+ beers on tap. FB. L, Sat. & Sun., D, daily. 514 N. First St. 249-5181. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1080 Third St. N. 241-5600. $ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

1534 Third St., Neptune Beach. 853-6817. $$ MEZZA LUNA F A Beaches tradition for 20-plus years.

Great food, from gourmet wood-fired pizzas to contemporary American cuisine. Inside or patio dining. Extensive wine list.

CM, FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 110 First St., Neptune Beach.

249-5573. $$$ MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Traditional slow-cooked Southern barbecue served in a blues bar atmosphere. Favorites are pulled pork, Texas brisket and slow-cooked ribs. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1500 Beach Blvd. 247-6636. $$ MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN F For 25-plus years, Monkey’s has served pub grub, burgers, sandwiches, seafood and wings. Dine inside or out on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1850 S. Third St. 246-1070. $ NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Executive Chef Kenny Gilbert’s cuisine features local fare and innovative dishes, served in an island atmosphere. Dine inside or out on the tiki deck. FB. L & D, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 2309 Beach Blvd. 247-3300. $$ NORTH BEACH BISTRO Casual dining with an elegant touch, like slow-cooked veal osso buco; calypso crusted mahi mahi with spiced plantain chips. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach. 372-4105. $$$

For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 031312 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

OCEAN 60 A prix fixe menu is offered. Continental cuisine, with fresh seafood, nightly specials and a changing seasonal menu. Dine in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. promise of$$$benefit sUpport Ask for Action D, Mon.-Sat. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach.

247-0060.

PACO’S MEXICAN GRILL Serving Baja-style Mexican cuisine, featuring carne asada, tacos, burritos, fish tacos and shrimp burritos. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 333 First St. N. 208-5097. $ THE PIER RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The oceanfront restaurant offers fresh, local fare served on two floors — upstairs, it’s Chef’s Menu, with stuffed flounder, pork tenderloin, appetizers. Downstairs bar and patio offer casual items, daily drink specials. CM, FB. D, daily; L & D, weekends; brunch, Sun. 412 First St. N. 246-6454. $$ PHILLY’S FINEST F Authentic Philly-style cheesesteaks made with imported Amorosa rolls. Hoagies, wings and pizza ... cold beer, too. FB. L & D, daily. 1527 N. Third St. 241-7188. $$ POE’S TAVERN F This new American gastropub offers 50+ beers with an emphasis on craft, high gravity and local/ regional selections. Gourmet hamburgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, quesadillas, Edgar’s Drunken Chili and daily fish sandwich special. L & D, daily. FB, CM. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7637. $$ RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Beaches landmark serves grilled seafood with a Cajun/Creole accent. Hand-crafted cold beer. FB. L & D, daily.

207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. $$ SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK F Best of Jax 2011 winner. An array of specialty menu items, including signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos and local fried shrimp, in a casual, trendy open-air space. FB, TO, CM. L & D, daily. 1018 Third St. N. 372-4456. $$ SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. 111 Beach Blvd. 482-1000. $$ SUN DOG STEAK & SEAFOOD F Eclectic American fare, art deco décor with an authentic diner feel.questions, FB. L & D, daily; Sun.please call your advertising representative at For brunch. 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221. $$ TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA F Fresh, Mexican fare, FAXBaja-style YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 with a focus on fish tacos and tequila, as well as fried cheese, bangin’ shrimp and verde chicken tacos.

Valet parking.

D, PROMISE OFL &BENEFIT SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION Tue.-Sun. 1183 Beach Blvd. 249-8226. $$ THE WINE BAR The casual neighborhood place has a tapas-style menu, fire-baked flatbreads and a wine selection.

Tue.-Sun. 320 N. First St. 372-0211. $$

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DOWNTOWN

(The Jacksonville Landing venues are at 2 Independent Drive) ADAMS STREET DELI & GRILL The lunch spot serves wraps, including grilled chicken, and salads, including Greek salad. L, Mon.-Fri. 126 W. Adams St. 475-1400. $$ BURRITO GALLERY & BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Southwest cuisine, traditional American salads. Burritos and more burritos. Onsite art gallery. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-2922. $ CAFÉ NOLA AT MOCA JAX On the first floor of Museum of Contemporary Art, Cafe Nola serves shrimp and grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Thur. 333 N. Laura St. 366-6911 ext. 231. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

The Jacksonville Landing. 354-7747. $$$ CITY HALL PUB A sports bar vibe: 16 big-screen HDTVs. Angus burgers, dogs, sandwiches, AYCE wings buffet. FB. Free downtown area lunch delivery. L & D, daily. 234 Randolph Blvd. 356-6750. $$ DE REAL TING CAFE F The popular restaurant offers a Caribbean lunch buffet Tue.-Fri. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 128 W. Adams St. 633-9738. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT New location. See Beaches. FB, CM. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176. 374-1247. $$ INDOCHINE Best of Jax 2011 winner. Serving Thai and Southeast Asian cuisine in the core of downtown. Signature dishes include favorites like chicken Satay, soft shell crab, and mango and sticky rice for dessert. BW, FB, TO. L, Mon.Fri., D, Tue.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-5303. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE Family-owned-and-operated.

Jenkins offers beef, pork, chicken, homemade desserts. L & D, daily. 830 N. Pearl St. 353-6388. $ TRELLISES HYATT REGENCY This American cuisine restaurant offers a breakfast buffet with made-to-order omelet station and a la carte items. Signature lunch and dinner entrees include grouper salad, Angus burgers, Reubens, French onion grilled cheese, seafood and steaks.

Wed. night Pastabilities. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 225 East Coastline Dr. 634-4540. $$$ KOJA SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Sushi, Japanese, Asian and Korean cuisine. Indoor and outdoor dining and bar.

FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing. 350-9911. $$ NORTHSTAR SUBSTATION F This place features brick-ovenbaked pizzas, grinders, wings, Philly cheesesteaks, custom sandwiches and fries served in a laid-back setting. FB, 27 beers on draft. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 119 E. Bay St. 860-5451. $ OLIO MARKET F Freshly prepared sandwiches, salads, soups and entrées. In the Churchwell Lofts building, Olio partners eclectic tastes with Old World ambiance in a casual renovated space. L, Mon.-Fri.; late Art Walk. 301 E. Bay St. 356-7100. $$

260-9770. RUN DATE: 022812 Produced by ab Checked by

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FolioW

KIDS’DIRECTORY For 20 years, Folio Weekly has been providing businesses and organizations an opportunity to directly connect with Northeast Florida parents and families in our annual Kids’ Directory. From academic camps to sports events, if it’s KID-related, the Folio Weekly Kids’ Directory has it covered.

© 2012

FREE LISTING DEADLINE: FRIDAY, MARCH 30 PUBLICATION DATE: TUESDAY, APRIL 17

ADVERTISING DEADLINE: TUESDAY, APRIL 10

If your business includes activities for kids, let Northeast Florida parents know all the particulars with an advertisement.

Call your Folio Weekly account representative or DAVID BRENNAN at 904.260.9770 x130 before the April 10 deadline.

9456 Philips Hwy., Suite 11, Jacksonville, FL 32256 Phone: 904.260.9770 • Fax: 904.260.9773 MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 49

GRILL ME! A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ

NAME: Ian Jernigan RESTAURANT: Chomp Chomp, 106 E. Adams St., downtown

Walter Coker

BIRTHPLACE: Jacksonville YEARS IN THE BUSINESS: 11 FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than my own): Orsay/Pom’s signature restaurant FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Classic French FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Duck fat, bacon and onions.

IDEAL MEAL: Braised short ribs, demi-glace and gnocchi.

WOULDN’T EAT IF YOU PAID ME: Insects … chocolate roaches may be delicious, but I’ll never know.

MOST MEMORABLE RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE: Hood lights exploding mid-service at TPC INSIDER’S SECRET: Don’t take things too seriously.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: Morgan Freeman.

CULINARY GUILTY PLEASURE: “Srirancha” … Sriracha and ranch … good on almost everything.

THE SKYLINE DINING & CONFERENCE CENTER Weekday lunch includes salad bar, hot meals and a carving station.

L, Mon.-Fri.; L, Sun. upon request. FB. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 3550. 791-9797. $$ VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic Italian oven-baked pasta dishes, pizza, veal, chicken and seafood items made with fresh ingredients. CM, FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 174. 355-0064. $$ ZODIAC GRILL F Serving Mediterranean cuisine and American favorites, with a popular lunch buffet. FB. L & D, daily. 120 W. Adams St. 354-8283. $

FLEMING ISLAND

CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows.

406 Old Hard Road, Ste. 106. 213-7779. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F See Riverside. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 1915 East West Pkwy., 541-0009. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100. 215-2223. $ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1800 Town Center Pkwy.

541-1999. $ MOJO SMOKEHOUSE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. FB. L & D, daily. 1810 Town Ctr. Blvd. 264-0636. $$ WHITEY’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The renowned seafood place, family-owned since 1963, specializes in AYCE freshwater catfish. Also steaks, pastas.

Outdoor waterfront dining. And you can get there by car, boat or bike. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 2032 C.R. 220. 269-4198. $

INTRACOASTAL

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

14286 Beach Blvd. (at San Pablo Rd.) 223-0991. $ BIG DAWG’S SPORTS RESTAURANT F The family-friendly casual sports restaurant offers wings, burgers, sandwiches, wraps and specialty salads. Kids can choose from the Puppy Chow menu. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12630 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 551-3059. $$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA, PASTA, PANINIS F Brucci’s offers authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas and desserts in a family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36. 223-6913. $ CLIFF’S ROCKIN’ BAR-N-GRILL F Cliff’s features 8-ounce burgers, wings, steak, seafood, homemade pizza and daily specials. FB. L & D, daily. Smoking permitted. 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, Cobblestone Plaza. 645-5162. $$ GOOD FOOD COMPANY The fine-dining restaurant and full-service catering company emphasizes using quality raw ingredients to create menus based on local, seasonal and organic products, served in an elegant atmosphere. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 13475 Atlantic Blvd. 329-2407. $$ ISTANBUL MEDITERRANEAN & ITALIAN CUISINE F A varied menu offers European cuisine including lamb, beef and chicken dishes, as well as pizza and wraps. BW. L & D, daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 26. 220-9192. $$ JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE F The menu includes wings, hamburgers, Ahi tuna and handcut steaks.

CM, FB. Daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22. 220-6766. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Family-ownedand-operated, serving authentic Mexican cuisine, like tamales, fajitas, pork tacos, in a casual family atmosphere.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd. 992-1666. $ MILANO’S RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA Homemade Italian

50 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

cuisine, breads, pizzas, calzones and specialty dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 646-9119. $$ THAI ORCHID F The restaurant serves authentic Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, including pad Thai, Thai curry dishes and rice dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 683-1286. $$ TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL F Wings, gourmet pizza, fresh seafood and specialty wraps. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5. 223-6999. $$

JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS

BLACKSTONE GRILLE The menu blends flavors from a variety of cultures and influences for modern American fusion cuisine, served in a bistro-style setting. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri., D, Sat.; Sun. brunch. 112 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 102.

287-0766. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F See Intracoastal. 540 S.R. 13, Ste. 10, Fruit Cove. 287-8317. $$ HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE F Wings, big salads, burgers, wraps and sandwiches. Sports events on HDTVs. CM, FB. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101. 683-1964. $ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk.

230-2171. $ VINO’S PIZZA Vino’s Pizza – with four Jacksonville locations – makes all their Italian and American dishes with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. 605 S.R. 13, Ste. 103. 230-6966. $ WAKAME JAPANESE & THAI CUISINE F The fine dining restaurant offers authentic Japanese and Thai cuisine, including a full sushi menu, curries and pad dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 108. 230-6688. $$

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 11190 San Jose Blvd. 260-4115. $ AW SHUCKS F The seafood place features an oyster bar, steaks, seafood, wings and pasta. Favorites are ahi tuna, shrimp & grits, oysters Rockefeller, pitas and kabobs. Sweet potato puffs are the signature side. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd. 240-0368. $$ THE BLUE CRAB CRABHOUSE F A Maryland-style crabhouse featuring fresh blue crabs, garlic crabs, and king, snow and Dungeness crab legs. FB, CM. D, Tue.-Sat.; L & D, Sun. 3057 Julington Creek Rd. 260-2722. $$ BROOKLYN PIZZA F The traditional pizzeria serves New York-style pizza, specialty pies, and subs, strombolis and calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 11406 San Jose Blvd. 288-9211.

13820 St. Augustine Rd. 880-0020. $ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield. L & D, daily. 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd. 619-8186. $$ CLARK’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Clark’s has steak, ribs, AYCE catfish dinners, 3-pound prime rib. Dine in, out or in a creek-view glass-enclosed room. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 12903 Hood Landing Rd. 268-3474. $$ DON JUAN’S RESTAURANT F Authentic Mexican dishes prepared daily from scratch, served in a casual atmosphere.

FB, CM. L & D, daily. 12373 San Jose Blvd. 268-8722. $$ GIGI’S RESTAURANT Breakfast buffet daily, lunch buffet weekdays. The Comedy Zone (Best of Jax 2011 winner) has an appetizer menu. FB. B, L & D, daily. I-295 & San Jose Blvd.

(Ramada Inn). 268-8080. $$ (Fri. & Sat. buffet, $$$) GOLDEN CORRAL Family-friendly place; legendary buffet

featuring familiar favorites and new items. B, L & D, daily.

11470 San Jose Blvd. 886-9699. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F See Southside. 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd. 288-8890. $$ HARMONIOUS MONKS The American-style steakhouse features a 9-oz. choice Angus center-cut filet topped with gorgonzola shiitake mushroom cream sauce, 8-oz. gourmet burgers, fall-off-the-bone ribs, wraps, sandwiches. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30. 880-3040. $$ KOBE JAPANESE RESTAURANT The fusion-style sushi restaurant offers oyster shooters, kobe beef shabu-shabu, Chilean sea bass and filet mignon. BW & sake. L & D, daily.

11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 8. 288-7999. $$ MAMA FU’S ASIAN HOUSE MSG-free pan-Asian cuisine prepared to order in woks using fresh ingredients. Authentic Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 11105 San Jose Blvd. 260-1727. $$ MANDARIN ALE HOUSE Laid-back atmosphere; 30-plus beers on tap. FB. L & D, daily. 11112 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 19.

292-0003. $$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

12807 San Jose Blvd. 638-6185. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Organic supermarket with full deli and salad bar serving wraps, quesadillas, chopped salads, vegetarian dishes. Fresh juice and smoothie bar. Indoor and outdoor seating. Mon.-Sat. 10000 San Jose Blvd. 260-6950. $ PICASSO’S PIZZERIA F Specializes in hand-tossed gourmet pizza, calzones, homemade New York-style cheesecake and handmade pasta. Fresh local seafood and steaks. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 10503 San Jose Blvd. 880-0811. $$ SIMPLE FAIRE F Breakfast and lunch favorites, featuring Boar’s Head meats and cheeses served on fresh bread. Daily specials. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3020 Hartley Rd. 683-2542. $$ TANK’S FAMILY BAR-B-Q Owned and operated by the Tankersley family, the barbecue place offers made-fromscratch Southern-style fare, featuring their own sauces.

CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 11701 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 23.

351-8265. $$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 4268 Oldfield Crossing Dr. 268-6660. $ WHOLE FOODS MARKET F 100+ prepared items at a fullservice and self-service hot bar, soup bar, dessert bar. Madeto-order Italian specialties from a brick oven pizza hearth. L & D, daily. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22. 288-1100. $$

ORANGE PARK

ARON’S PIZZA F The family-owned restaurant offers eggplant dishes, manicotti and New York-style pizza. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 650 Park Ave. 269-1007. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F For 18-plus years, the sports-themed family restaurant has served wings, ribs, entrees, sandwiches.

FB. L & D, daily. 9680 Argyle Forest Blvd. 425-6466. $$ THE HILLTOP CLUB She-crab soup, scallops, prime beef, wagyu beef, chicken Florentine, stuffed grouper. Chef Nick’s salmon is a favorite. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. 2030 Wells Rd. 272-5959. $$ JOEY MOZARELLAS The Italian restaurant’s specialty is a 24-slice pizza: 18”x26” of fresh ingredients and sauces made daily. CM, TO. L & D, daily. 930 Blanding Blvd. 579-4748. $$ PASTA MARKET & CLAM BAR F Family-owned-andoperated. Gourmet pizza, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. The pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine, lasagna, calzones, linguini, ravioli, made with fresh ingredients, homemadestyle. Daily specials. CM, BW, sangria. 1930 Kingsley Ave. 276-9551. D, nightly. $$ POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA F Pizzas are baked in coal-fired ovens. Popular pizzas include Health Choice and Mozzarella. Coal-fired sandwiches and wings, too. BW. L & D, daily. 2134 Park Ave. 264-6116. $$ THE ROADHOUSE F Burgers, wings, deli sandwiches and popular lunches are served. FB. L & D, daily. 231 Blanding Blvd. 264-0611. $ THAI GARDEN F Traditional Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, served in a relaxed atmosphere. Curry dishes and specialty selections with authentic Thai flavors. BW. L, Mon.Fri.; D, nightly. 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. A. 272-8434. $$

PONTE VEDRA, NE ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA F See Beaches. BW. L & D, daily. 635 A1A. 543-1494. $ AQUA GRILL Upscale cuisine includes fresh seafood, Angus steaks, Maine lobster, vegetarian dishes. Outdoor patio seating. FB. L, Mon.-Sat.; D, nightly. 950 Sawgrass Village Dr. 285-3017. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F Authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas, paninis, desserts. Family atmosphere. CM. L & D, daily. 880 A1A, Ste. 8. 280-7677. $$ CAFFE ANDIAMO Traditional Italian cuisine features fresh seafood, veal, homemade pastas and wood-fired pizza prepared in a copper clad oven. An extensive wine list is offered in a cosmopolitan atmosphere. Dine indoors or Out on the terrace. L & D, daily. 500 Sawgrass Village. 280-2299. $$$ LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE F On the Intracoastal

Waterway, LuLu’s can be reached by car or by boat. Seafood, steaks and pasta dishes with a sophisticated flair. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 301 N. Roscoe Blvd. 285-0139. $$ NINETEEN AT TPC SAWGRASS In Sawgrass’ Tournament Players Club, Nineteen features more than 230 wines and freshly prepared American and Continental cuisine, including local seafood, served inside or al fresco on the verandah. L & D, daily. 110 Championship Way. 273-3235. $$$ PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE F Freshly prepared Caribbean cuisine, including red snapper Ponte Vedra Jamaican grilled pork ribs and barbecued salmon tower. Tropical rum drinks feature Pusser’s Painkiller. FB. L & D, daily. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100. 280-7766. L, $$; D, $$ RESTAURANT MEDURE Chef Matthew Medure offers eclectic cuisine featuring local and imported seafood with Southern and Asian influences. F/B. D, Mon.-Sat. 818 A1A N. 543-3797. $$$ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 8141 A1A. 285-0014. $$$$ 619 OCEAN VIEW Dining with a Mediterranean touch, featuring fresh seafood, steaks and nightly specials. FB, CM. D, Wed.-Sun. 619 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Cabana Beach Club.

285-6198. $$$ URBAN FLATS See St. Johns Town Center. FB. L & D, daily.

330 A1A N. 280-5515. $$

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AJ’S ON PARK STREET F AJ’s is a casual barbecue spot serving smoked St. Louis-style ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, seafood and dishes made with a Latin touch. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 630 Park St. 359-0035. $$ ALPHADOG GRILL F This brand-new fun place in Riverside features gourmet hot dogs — like Ragin’ Cajun (andouille sausage covered in jambalaya) and The Hippie (veggie dog) — and sausages, grilled chicken wraps, soups, salads, appetizers and wings. L & D, daily. BW. 2782 Park St. 374-8715. $ AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 1620 Margaret St. 388-8384. $ BAKERY MODERNE F The neighborhood bakery offers classic pastries, artisanal breads, seasonal favorites, all made from scratch, including popular petit fours and custom cakes.

B & L, daily. 869 Stockton St., Ste. 6, Riverside. 389-7117. $ CARMINE’S PIE HOUSE F The Italian eatery serves pizza by the slice, gourmet pizzas, appetizers, classic Italian dishes — calzone, stromboli, subs, panini — wings, and microbrews in a casual atmosphere. BW, CM, TO. 2677 Forbes St. 387-1400. $$ COOL MOOSE F Classic sandwiches, eclectic wraps and desserts. An extensive gourmet coffee menu with Green Mountain coffees and frozen coffee drinks. B & L, daily.

Brunch, Sun. 2708 Park St. 381-4242. $ CROSS CREEK See Springfield. 850 S. Lane Ave. 783-9579. $$ EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 2753 Park St. 384-9999. $ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 6677 103rd St., Westside, 777-6135. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F A deli, organic and natural grocery, and juice & smoothie bar offers teas, coffees, gourmet cheeses; natural, organic and raw items. Grab-andgo sandwiches, salads and sides. Craft beers, organic wines.

B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 2007 Park St. 384-4474. $ HJ’S BAR & GRILL Traditional American fare: burgers, sandwiches, wraps and platters of ribs, shrimp and fish. CM, FB. L & D, Sat. & Sun., D, Mon.-Fri. 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., Ste. 1. 317-2783. $$ HOVAN MEDITERRANEAN GOURMET F Dine inside or on the patio. Mediterranean entrées include lamb, and beef gyros. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 2005-1 Park St. 381-9394. $ JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILL F A Riverside tradition, serving 60+ fresh deli and grill items, including hot sandwiches. L, Mon.-Fri. 474 Riverside Ave. 356-8055. $ KICKBACKS GASTROPUB F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood hot spot serves pub favorites 20 hours a day, every day. The full bar has over 655 bottled beers, 84 on tap.

Outdoor seating. CM. 910 King St. 388-9551. $$ MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BBQ Smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs. Homemade-style sides include green beans, baked beans, red cole slaw, collards. BW, CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551. $$ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Amelia Island. 1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 389-4442. $ MOSSFIRE GRILL F Southwestern menu with ahi tuna tacos, goat cheese enchiladas and gouda quesadillas. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1537 Margaret St. 355-4434. $$ O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB F Innovative Irish fare and traditional faves are offered, like lambburger with Stilton crust, Guinness mac & cheese, Shepherd’s pie and fish-nchips — plus 18 beers on tap. L, daily except Mon.; D, daily.

CM, FB. 1521 Margaret St. 854-9300. $$ PERARD’S PIZZA & ITALIAN CUISINE F Traditional Italian fare is prepared with fresh sauces and dough made from scratch daily, along with a large selection of gourmet pizza toppings. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 11043 Crystal Springs Rd.,

Ste. 2. 378-8131. $ PERFECT RACK BILLIARDS F Upscale billiards hall has burgers, steak, deli sandwiches, wings. Family-friendly, non-smoking. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 1186 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill. 738-7645. $ PIZZA PALACE ON PARK F See San Marco. Outdoor seating.

920 Margaret St., 5 Points. 598-1212. $$ SAKE HOUSE F Japanese grill and sushi bar features sushi, sashimi, katsu, tempura, hibachi and specialty rolls. CM, BW, sake. L & D, daily. 824 Lomax St. 301-1188. $$ SUMO SUSHI F Authentic Japanese fare, traditional to entrees and sushi rolls, spicy sashimi salad, gyoza (pork dumpling), tobiko (flying fish roe), Rainbow roll (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, Calif. roll). BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2726 Park St. 388-8838. $$ SUSHI CAFÉ The café in Riverside Publix Plaza features a variety of sushi, including the popular Monster Roll and the Jimmy Smith Roll, along with faves like Rock-n-Roll and Dynamite Roll. Sushi Café also offers hibachi, tempura, katsu and teriyaki. BW. Dine indoors or on the patio. L & D, daily.

2025 Riverside Ave. 384-2888. $$ TASTI D-LITE Health-conscious desserts include smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cakes and pies, made with fresh ingredients with fewer calories and less fat. More than 100 flavors. Open daily. 1024 Park St. 900-3040. $ TWO DOORS DOWN F Traditional faves: hotcakes, omelets, burgers, pork chops, liver & onions, fried chicken, sides and desserts. CM, TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 436 Park St. 598-0032. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE buffet. Sushi bar, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, steak, seafood. BW. L & D, daily. 1014 Margaret St., Ste. 1, 5 Points. 301-1199. $$

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS F The Ancient City’s only brew pub taps seven hand-crafted ales and lagers. A1A specializes in innovative New World cuisine. FB. L & D, daily. 1 King St. 829-2977. $$ AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT F A family-owned-andoperated Italian restaurant offers traditional pasta, veal, steak and seafood dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1915B A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-0102. $$ ANN O’MALLEY’S F Fresh handmade sandwiches, soups, salads and perfectly poured Guinness. Favorites include Reubens and chicken salad. CM, BW, Irish beers on tap. L & D, daily. 23 Orange St. 825-4040. $$ BARNACLE BILL’S F For 30 years, the family restaurant has served seafood, oysters, gator tail, steak and fried shrimp. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily; 14 Castillo Drive, 824-3663. $$ THE BLACK MOLLY BAR & GRILL Fresh, local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes in a casual atmosphere. FB, CM. L & D daily.

504 Geoffrey St., Cobblestone Plaza. 547-2723. $$ BORRILLO’S PIZZA & SUBS F Specialty pizzas are Borrillo’s Supreme (extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage), white and vegetarian pizzas. Subs and pasta dinners. L & D, daily. 88 San Marco Ave. 829-1133. $ CAFÉ ATLANTICO Traditional and new Italian dishes served in an intimate space. Master Chef Paolo Pece prepares risotto alla pescatora, with shrimp, scallops and seasonal shellfish, in a parmesan cheese basket. BW. D, nightly. 647 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-7332. $$$ CAFÉ ELEVEN F Serving eclectic cuisine like feta spinach egg croissant, apple turkey sandwich, pear-berry salad. Daily chef creations. BW. B, L & D, daily. 501 A1A Beach Blvd.

460-9311. B, $; L & D, $$ CAP’S ON THE WATER F The Vilano Beach mainstay offers coastal cuisine – tapas platters, cioppino, fresh local shrimp, raw oyster bar – indoors or on an oak-shaded deck. Boat access. FB. L, Fri.-Sun., D, nightly. 4325 Myrtle St., Vilano Beach. 824-8794. $$ CARMELO’S PIZZERIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic New York style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh baked sub rolls, Boars Head meats and cheeses, fresh salads, calzones, strombolis and sliced pizza specials. BW. L & D, daily. 146 King St. 494-6658. $$ CELLAR 6 ART GALLERY & WINE BAR Wolfgang Puck coffees, handmade desserts and light bistro-style fare amid local art. BW. Mon.-Sat. 6 Aviles St. 827-9055. $$ CREEKSIDE DINERY Creekside serves beef, chicken and seafood, with an emphasis on low-country cooking. Outdoor deck with a fire pit. FB. D, nightly. 160 Nix Boatyard Rd. 829-6113. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

3 St. George St. 824-6993. $ THE FLORIDIAN The downtown restaurant serves innovative Southern fare, made with local farmers’ local food. Signature items: fried green tomato bruschetta, ’N’grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. L & D, Wed.-Mon. 39 Cordova St. 829-0655. $$ GYPSY CAB COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

International menu features large portions, reasonable prices.

FB. L & D, daily. 828 Anastasia Blvd. 824-8244. $$ HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE F In a historic, two-story house, the New Orleans-style eatery has fresh seafood, steaks, jambalaya, etouffée and shrimp. FB. L & D, daily. 46 Avenida Menendez. 824-7765. $$ KINGFISH GRILL At Vilano Bridge’s west end, Kingfish Grill offers casual waterside dining indoors and on the deck, featuring fresh daily catch, house specialties and sushi. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 252 Yacht Club Drive. 824-2111. $$ KINGS HEAD BRITISH PUB F Authentic Brit pub serves fish

& chips, Cornish pastie and steak & kidney pie. Tap beers are Guinness, Newcastle and Bass. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 6460 U.S. 1 (4 miles N. of St. Augustine Airport.) 823-9787. $$ THE MANATEE CAFÉ F Serving healthful cuisine using organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes. B & L, daily. 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 106, Westgate Plaza. 826-0210. $ MANGO MANGO’S BEACHSIDE BAR & GRILL F Caribbean kitchen has comfort food with a tropical twist: coconut shrimp and fried plantains. BW, CM. Outdoor dining. 700 A1A Beach Blvd., (A Street access) St. Augustine Beach. 461-1077. $$ MILL TOP TAVERN F A St. Auggie institution housed in an 1884 building, serving nachos, soups, sandwiches and daily specials. Dine inside or on open-air decks. At the big mill wheel. FB. L & D, daily. 19 1/2 St. George St. 829-2329. $$ OASIS RESTAURANT & DECK F Just a block from the ocean, with a tropical atmosphere and open-air deck. Steamed oysters, crab legs, burgers. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 4000 A1A & Ocean Trace Rd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-3424. $ THE PRESENT MOMENT CAFÉ Best of Jax 2011 winner. The cozy café serves organic, vegan and vegetarian dishes, pizza, pastas, hummus and milkshakes — all prepared without meat, dairy, wheat or an oven. Organic BW. TO. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat. 224 W. King St. 827-4499. $ PURPLE OLIVE INTERNATIONAL BISTRO F Family-ownedand-operated, offering specials, fresh artisan breads. Soups, salad dressings and desserts made from scratch. BW. D, Tue.Sat. 4255 A1A S., Ste. 6, St. Augustine Beach. 461-1250. $$ RAINTREE Located in a Victorian home, Raintree offers a menu with contemporary and traditional international influences. Extensive wine list. FB. D, daily. 102 San Marco Ave. 824-7211. $$$ THE REEF RESTAURANT F Casual oceanfront place with a view from every table. Fresh local seafood, steak, pasta dishes and daily chef specials. Outdoor dining. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily. 4100 Coastal Hwy. A1A, Vilano Beach. 824-8008. $$ SOUTH BEACH GRILL Located off A1A, the two-story beachy destination offers casual oceanfront dining and fresh local seafood. Dine indoors or out on a beachfront deck. FB. B, L & D daily. 45 Cubbedge Road, Crescent Beach. 471-8700. $ SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE In the historic district, Spy features James Bond-themed sushi and Mediterranean-influenced global cuisine on the seasonal menu, including fresh — never frozen — Hawaiian seafood.

Dine indoors or out on the patio. Upstairs lounge, too. Great selection of chilled sakes. BW, CM. D, nightly. 21 Hypolita St. 819-5637. $$$ SUNSET GRILLE Seafood-heavy menu, consistent Great Chowder Debate winner. Specialties are baby back ribs, lobster ravioli, coconut shrimp, datil pepper wings. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 421 A1A Beach Blvd. 471-5555. $$$ THE TASTING ROOM, WINE & TAPAS Owned by Michael Lugo, the upscale contemporary Spanish restaurant fuses innovative tapas with an extensive wine list. L, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 25 Cuna St. 810-2400. $$

© 2011

FolioWeekly

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

BAHAMA BREEZE ISLAND GRILLE Fresh seafood, chicken, flame-grilled steaks and hand-crafted tropical drinks made with flavorful ingredients inspired by the Caribbean. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10205 River Coast Dr. 646-1031. $$$ BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE With four dining rooms, BlackFinn offers classic American fare: beef, seafood, pasta, chicken, flatbread sandwiches. Dine indoors or on the patio.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 4840 Big Island Dr. 345-3466. $$ CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR F Casual fine dining.

The menu blends modern American favorites served with international flair. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 9823 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 1. 619-1931. $$$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11. 646-2874. $ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner.

13249 City Square Dr., 751-9711. 9039 Southside Blvd., 538-9100. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 401, 996-6900. $ THE FLAME BROILER Serving food with no transfat, MSG, frying, or skin on meat. Fresh veggies, steamed brown or white rice along with grilled beef, chicken and Korean short ribs are featured. CM, TO. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 103. 619-2786. $ ISLAND GIRL WINE & CIGAR BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Upscale tropical vibe. Walk-in humidor, pairing apps and desserts with 25 wines, ports by the glass. 220+ wines by the bottle; draft, bottled beer. L & D, daily. 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115. 854-6060. $$ JOHNNY ANGELS F The menu reflects its ’50s-style décor, including Blueberry Hill pancakes, Fats Domino omelet, Elvis special combo platter. Shakes, malts. B, L & D, daily. 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120. 997-9850. $ LIBRETTO’S PIZZERIA & ITALIAN KITCHEN F Authentic NYC pizzeria serves Big Apple crust, cheese and sauce, along with third-generation family-style Italian classics, fresh-from-theoven calzones, and desserts in a casual, comfy setting. L & D, daily. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 402-8888. $$ LIME LEAF F Authentic Thai cuisine: fresh papaya salad, pad Thai, mango sweet rice. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Cir., Stes. 108 & 109. 645-8568. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Tossed spring water dough, lean meats, veggies

underwritten by

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 51

Midwestern prime beef, fresh seafood, upscale atmosphere.

FB. D, daily. 1201 Riverplace Blvd. 396-6200. $$$$ SAKE HOUSE See Riverside. 1478 Riverplace Blvd.

306-2188. $$ SAN MARCO DELI F Independently owned & operated classic diner serves grilled fish, turkey burgers. Vegetarian options. Mon.-Sat. 1965 San Marco Blvd. 399-1306. $ TAVERNA Tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitan-style woodfired pizzas and entrées are served in a rustic yet upscale interior. BW, TO. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 1986 San Marco Blvd.

398-3005. $$$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. This location offers a lunch buffet. L & D, daily. 1430 San Marco Blvd. 683-2444. $

SOUTHSIDE

Walter Coker

Fine wines by the bottle or glass and a tapas-style menu of cheese plates, bruschetta and empanadas are served in the cozy confines of The Grotto, near the square on San Marco Boulevard in Jacksonville.

and vegetarian choices make up specialty pizzas, hoagies and calzones. FB. L & D, daily. 9734 Deer Lake Court (at Tinseltown). 997-1955. mellowmushroom.com $ MITCHELL’S FISH MARKET F A changing menu of more than 180 items includes cedar-roasted Atlantic salmon and seared salt-and-pepper tuna. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 5205 Big Island Dr., St. Johns Town Ctr. 645-3474. $$$ MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT Best of Jax 2011 winner. Non-fat, low-calorie, cholesterol-free frozen yogurt is served in flavors that change weekly. Toppings include a variety of fruit and nuts. 4860 Big Island Dr. 807-9292. $ THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE F The recipes, unique to the Pancake House, call for only the freshest ingredients. CM. B, L & D, daily. 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr. 997-6088. $$ OTAKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE F Family-owned with an open sushi bar, hibachi grill tables and an open kitchen. Dine indoor or out. FB, CM, TO. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 7860 Gate Parkway, Stes. 119-122. 854-0485. $$$ RENNA’S PIZZA F Renna’s serves up New York-style pizza, calzones, subs and lasagna made from authentic Italian recipes. Delivery, CM, BW. 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 125, St. Johns Town Center. 565-1299. rennaspizza.com $$ SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY F Innovative menu of fresh local grilled seafood, sesame tuna, grouper Oscar, chicken, steak and pizza. Microbrewed ales and lagers. FB. L & D, daily. 9735 Gate Pkwy. N. 997-1999. $$ SOUTHSIDE ALE HOUSE F Steaks, seafood, sandwiches.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9711 Deer Lake Court. 565-2882. $$ STEAMERS CAFE F Steamers’ menu has all-natural and organic items, including wraps, sandwiches, subs, soups, steamer bowls, smoothies and fresh juices. Daily lunch specials. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4320 Deerwood Lake Parkway, Ste. 106. 646-4527. $ SUITE Best of Jax 2011 winner. St. Johns Town Center premium lounge and restaurant offer chef-driven small plates and an extensive list of specialty cocktails, served in a sophisticated atmosphere. FB. D & late-nite, nightly. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 493-9305. $$ TAVERNA YAMAS The Greek restaurant serves char-broiled kabobs, seafood and traditional Greek wines and desserts. FB. L & D daily. 9753 Deer Lake Court. 854-0426. $$ URBAN FLATS F Ancient world-style flatbread is paired with fresh regional and seasonal ingredients in wraps, flatwiches and entrées, served in a casual, urban atmosphere. An international wine list is offered. CM. FB. L & D, daily. 9726 Touchton Road. 642-1488. $$ WASABI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Authentic Japanese cuisine, teppanyaki shows and a full sushi menu.

CM. L & D, daily. 10206 River Coast Dr. 997-6528. $$ WHISKY RIVER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. At St. Johns Town Center’s Plaza, Whisky River features wings, pizza, wraps, sandwiches and burgers served in a lively car racing-themed atmosphere (Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s the owner). FB. CM. L & D, daily. 4850 Big Island Drive. 645-5571. $$ WILD WING CAFÉ F Serving up 33 flavors of wings, as well as soups, sandwiches, wraps, ribs, platters and burgers. FB. 4555 Southside Blvd. 998-9464. $$ YUMMY SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Teriyaki, tempura, hibachi-style dinners, sushi & sashimi. Sushi lunch roll special.

BW, sake. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd. 998-8806. $$

SAN JOSE

ATHENS CAFÉ F Serving authentic Greek cuisine: lamb, seafood, veal and pasta dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7. 733-1199. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

52 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1. 737-2874. $ DICK’S WINGS F NASCAR-themed family style sports place serves wings, buffalo tenders, burgers and chicken sandwiches. CM. BW. L & D, daily. 1610 University Blvd. W. 448-2110. dickswingsandgrill.com $ MOJO BAR-B-QUE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Southern Blues kitchen serves pulled pork, brisket and North Carolinastyle barbecue. TO, BW. L & D, daily. 1607 University Blvd. W. 732-7200. $$

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL THAI & SUSHI F Offering Thai cuisine, including pad Thai and curry dishes, and sushi in a relaxing atmosphere. L & D, Mon.-Sat. BW. 1004 Hendricks Ave. 674-0190. $$ b.b.’s F Best of Jax 2011 winner. A bistro menu is served in an upscale atmosphere, featuring almond-crusted calamari, tuna tartare and wild mushroom pizza. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri.; brunch & D, Sat. 1019 Hendricks Ave. 306-0100. $$$ BISTRO AIX F French, Mediterranean-inspired fare, awardwinning wines, wood-fired pizzas, house-made pastas, steaks, seafood. Indoor, outdoor dining. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 1440 San Marco Blvd. 398-1949. $$$ CHECKER BBQ & SEAFOOD F Chef Art Jennette serves barbecue, seafood and comfort food, including pulled-pork, fried white shrimp and fried green tomatoes. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3566 St. Augustine Rd. 398-9206. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Big sandwiches, soups, desserts and more than 100 bottled and on-tap beers. BW. L & D, daily. 1704 San Marco Blvd.

398-9500. $ THE GROTTO F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Wine by the glass. Tapas-style menu offers a cheese plate, empanadas bruschetta, chocolate fondue. BW. 2012 San Marco Blvd.

398-0726. $$ HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE F Authentic Latin American fine dining: picadillo, ropa vieja, churrasco tenderloin steak, Cuban sandwiches. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, FB. 2578 Atlantic Blvd. 399-0609. $ LAYLA’S OF SAN MARCO Fine dining in the heart of San Marco. Traditional Middle Eastern cuisine, served inside or outside on the hookah and cigar patio. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat.; D, Sun. 2016 Hendricks Ave. 398-4610. $$ MATTHEW’S Chef’s tasting menu or seasonal à la carte menu featuring an eclectic mix of Mediterranean ingredients. Dress is business casual, jackets optional. FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 2107 Hendricks Ave. 396-9922. $$$$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Historic 1930s diner offers award-winning breakfast and lunch. Fresh seafood and Southern cooking. Bring your own wine. B & L, daily. 3302 Hendricks Ave. 398-3701. $$ THE OLIVE TREE MEDITERRANEAN GRILLE F Mediterranean homestyle healthy plates: hummus, tebouleh, grape leaves, gyros, potato salad, kibbeh, spinach pie, Greek salad, daily specials. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 1705 Hendricks Ave. 396-2250. $$ PIZZA PALACE F All homemade from Mama’s awardwinning recipes: spinach pizza and chicken-spinach calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 1959 San Marco Blvd.

399-8815. $$ PULP F The juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt, teas, coffees; 30 kinds of smoothies, with flavored soy milks, organic frozen yogurt, granola. Daily. 1962 San Marco Blvd.

396-9222. $ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Consistent Best of Jax winner.

AROMAS BEER HOUSE Offers customer favorites like ahi tuna with a sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger, triple-meat French dip. FB. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

928-0515. $$ BISTRO 41° F Casual dining features fresh, homemade breakfast and lunch dishes in a relaxing atmosphere. TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3563 Philips Hwy., Ste. 104. 446-9738. $ BLUE BAMBOO Contemporary Asian-inspired cuisine includes rice-flour calamari, seared Ahi tuna, pad Thai. Street eats: barbecue duck, wonton crisps. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 3820 Southside Blvd. 646-1478. $$ BOMBA’S SOUTHERN HOME COOKING F Bomba’s serves Southern homestyle fare, featuring fresh veggies. Outside dining is available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8560 Beach Blvd.

997-2291. $$ BUCA DI BEPPO Italian dishes served family-style in an eclectic, vintage setting. Half-pound meatballs are a specialty.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10334 Southside Blvd. 363-9090. $$$ EL POTRO F Family-friendly, casual El Potro has fresh, made-to-order fare. Daily specials, buffet most locations.

BW. L & D, daily. 5871 University Blvd. W., 733-0844. 11380 Beach Blvd., 564-9977. elpotrorestaurant.com $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 5500 Beach Blvd. 398-1717. $ GENE’S SEAFOOD F Serving fresh Mayport shrimp, fish, oysters, scallops, gator tail, steaks and combos. L & D, daily.

11702 Beach Blvd. 997-9738. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F A local institution since 1975 serving house-baked pita bread, kabobs, falafel and daily lunch buffet. TO, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4323 University Blvd.

S. 733-5141. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 2025 Emerson St. 346-3770. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8206 Philips Hwy. 732-9433. $ SAKE SUSHI F The new restaurant offers sushi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, katsu, donburi and noodle soups. Popular rolls include Fuji Yama, Ocean Blue and Fat Boy. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy., Ste. 31. 647-6000. $$ SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE F The stylish gastropub has Southern-style cuisine made with a modern twist: Dishes are paired with international wines and beers, including a large selection of craft and IPA brews. FB. L & D, daily. 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16. 538-0811. $$ SUNSET 30 TAVERN & GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Located in Latitude 30, Sunset 30 serves familiar favorites,

including seafood, steaks, sandwiches, burgers, chicken, pasta and pizza. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily.

10370 Philips Hwy. 365-5555. $$ THE THIRSTY IGUANA CANTINA TAQUERIA Classic Mexican fare includes quesadillas, tacos, burritos, chimichangas, enchiladas and fajitas, as well as some killer nacho choices, made with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. TO, FB, CM. 7605 Beach Blvd. 647-7947. $$ TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA F Premium New York-style pizza from a brick-oven — the area’s original gluten-free pizzeria. Plus calzones, soups and salads; Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses and Boylan soda. BW. L & D, Mon.Sat. 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2. 565-1999. $$ URBAN ORGANICS The local produce co-op offers seasonal fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Mon.-Sat. 5325 Fairmont St. 398-8012. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE sushi and two teppanyaki grill items are included in buffet price. FB. L & D, daily. 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C. 363-9888. $$

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BOSTON’S RESTAURANT & SPORTSBAR F A full menu of sportsbar faves; pizzas till 2 a.m. Dine inside or on the patio. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13070 City Station Dr., River City Marketplace. 751-7499. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The family-owned restaurant serves authentic Mexican fare, including fajitas and seafood. The specialty is tacos de azada. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104. 757-6411. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 5945 New Kings Rd. 765-8515. $ JOSEPH’S PIZZA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT F Gourmet pizzas, pastas. Authentic Italian entrees. BW. L & D, daily.

7316 N. Main St. 765-0335. $$ MILLHOUSE STEAKHOUSE F A locally-owned-andoperated steakhouse with choice steaks from the signature broiler, and seafood, pasta, Millhouse gorgonzola, homemade desserts. CM, FB. D, nightly. 1341 Airport Rd. 741-8722. $$ SALSARITA’S FRESH CANTINA F Southwest cuisine made from scratch; family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 840 Nautica Dr., Ste. 131, River City Marketplace.

696-4001. $ SAVANNAH BISTRO Low Country Southern fare with a twist of Mediterranean and French inspiration, offered in a relaxing atmosphere at Crowne Plaza Airport. Favorites include crab cakes, NY strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 14670 Duval Rd. 741-4404. $-$$$ THREE LAYERS CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Lunch, bagels, desserts, and the adjacent Cellar serves fine wines.

Inside and courtyard dining. BW. B, L & D, daily. 1602 Walnut St., Springfield. 355-9791. $ 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL F Salads, sandwiches, pizza, fine European cuisine. Nightly specials. 2467 Faye Rd., Northside. 647-8625. $$ UPTOWN MARKET F In the 1300 Building at the corner of Third & Main, serving fresh fare made with the same élan that rules Burrito Gallery. Innovative breakfast, lunch and deli selections. BW, TO. 1303 Main St. N. 355-0734. $$

Check out a video of Folio Weekly’s BITE CLUB meeting at Taverna Yamas in Tinseltown at http://bit.ly/w00caN.

WINE TASTINGS ANJO LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Thur. 9928 Old Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-2656 AROMAS CIGAR & WINE BAR Call for schedule. 4372 Southside Blvd., 928-0515 BLUE BAMBOO 5:30-7:30 p.m., every first Thur. 3820 Southside Blvd., 646-1478 COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE 6-8 p.m. every Wed. 1712 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-4776 DAMES POINT MARINA Every 3rd Wed. 4518 Irving Rd., Northside, 751-3043 THE GIFTED CORK Tastings daily. 64 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 810-1083 THE GROTTO 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726 MONKEY’S UNCLE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1850 S. Third St., Jax Beach, 246-1070 NORTH BEACH BISTRO 6-8 p.m. every Tue. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 OCEAN 60 6-8 p.m every Mon. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 O’KANE’S IRISH PUB 6:30 p.m. every 3rd Tue. 318 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 261-1000 PUSSERS CARIBBEAN GRILL 6 p.m. every second Fri. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766

RIVERSIDE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1035 Park St., Five Points, 356-4517 THE TASTING ROOM 6-8 p.m. every first Tue. 25 Cuna St., St. Augustine, 810-2400 TASTE OF WINE Daily. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Atlantic Beach, 246-5080 TIM’S WINE MARKET 5 p.m. every Fri., noon every Sat. 278 Solana Rd., Ponte Vedra, 686-1741 128 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach, 461-0060 III FORKS PRIME STEAKHOUSE 5-6:30 p.m. every Mon. 9822 Tapestry Circle, Ste. 111, SJTC, 928-9277 TOTAL WINE & MORE Noon-6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 300, 998-1740 URBAN FLATS 5-8 p.m. every Wed. 9726 Touchton Rd., Tinseltown, 642-1488 WHOLE FOODS MARKET 6 p.m. every Thur. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 288-1100 THE WINE BAR 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0211 WINE WAREHOUSE 4-7 p.m. every Fri. 665 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-6450 4434 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 448-6782 1188 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 389-9997 4085 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach, 471-9900

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The Next Economic Bubble

The royal family of Qatar, apparently striving for art-world credibility, purchased a Paul Cezanne painting (“The Card Players”) last year for about $250 million, twice as much as the price of the previous most-expensive painting.

Qatar is vying with United Arab Emirates to be the Middle East’s major intellectual hub.

At the same time Qatar’s purchase was made public in February, artwork with a probable value of about $200 million was reported of the imminent Facebook initial public offering.

Graffiti artist (“muralist”) David Choe stood to make about that much — he took stock instead of money to paint the lewd themes on the walls of Facebook’s first offices. Even though Choe was first quoted as saying he found the whole idea of Facebook “ridiculous and pointless,” his shares today are reportedly worth up to one quarter of 1 percent of the company.

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

In South Africa last year, Cape Town “gentlemen’s club” Mavericks began selling an Alibi line of fragrances designed for men who need excuses for coming home late. Like, as men come through the door, they could splash on “I Was Working Late” (to reek of coffee and cigarettes) or “My Car Broke Down” (evoking fuel, burned rubber and grease).

Bipartisanship: White supremacist Richard Treis, 38, was arrested in Feb. in St. Louis, along with his alleged partner, black gang member Robert “Biz” Swinney, 22, charged with running a huge methamphetamine operation.

The two, who met at a prison halfway house, allegedly meshed their unique talents: Treis as a meth cook and Swinney as a skilled street seller who recruited people to buy restricted pseudoephedrine products from pharmacies.

Said a deputy, “They put away their differences to get the job done.”

Science on the Cutting Edge

Can’t Possibly Be True: “[A] growing number of scientists” are working on biocomputer models based on movements of slime to solve complex-systems problems, according to a Dec. item in London’s Daily Telegraph. Though slime molds are single-cell organisms lacking a “brain,” said professor Toshiyuki Nakagaki of Japan’s Future University Hakodate, they somehow “organize” themselves to create the most direct route through mazes to find food.

Said Kyushu University professor Atsushi Tero, ordinary computers are “not so good” at finding such ideal routes because of the quantity of calculations required, but slime molds seem to flow “in an impromptu manner” and gradually find the best routes.

Medical Marvels: Claire Osborn, 37, of Coventry, England, was diagnosed in October with an aggressive, inoperable throat-mouth cancer and given a 50 percent chance of survival. However, less than a month later, during a severe coughing spell, she actually coughed out the entire tumor in two pieces.

Subsequent tests revealed no trace of cancer in her body. Doctors hypothesized that, fortuitously, the tumor was growing on a weak stalk that was overcome by the force of the cough.

In January, North Carolina State University doctors performed knee-replacement surgery on a cancer-stricken house cat. Such surgery

on dogs has been done, but because of cats’ smaller bones and joints, doctors used micro techniques usually used on humans.

Fine Points of the Law

In Texas, the Houston Funding debt collection company fired receptionist Donnicia Venters shortly after she returned from maternity leave when she announced she intended to breastfeed her child and needed space in the office to pump her breast milk. The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission sued Houston Funding for illegal discrimination based on “pregnancy, childbirth or related medical conditions,” but in February, federal judge Lynn Hughes (a man) rejected the EEOC’s reasoning. The law does not, he wrote, cover “lactation” discrimination.

Leading Economic Indicators

In a February incident reported by the Indo-Asian News Service, a Pakistan International Airlines captain made a revenueenhancing decision for his full flight PK 303 from Lahore to Karachi. Two overbooked passengers wouldn’t have to make alternative arrangements if they took seats for the 640mile flight in the plane’s restrooms.

Real estate reassessments hit Pittsburgh like a bombshell in December when county officials announced enhanced estimates of property value so to raise needed tax revenue. In the first wave of assessments (which engendered criticism countywide, according to a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette item), a real estate attorney living in a Mount Washington neighborhood was stunned to find his condo apartment jumped $55,000 in value, now “worth” $228,700 and, worse, his private parking space on the ground floor of the building, before valued at $5,000, was now “worth” $287,800.

In December, National Geographic lamented that the number of South Africa’s rhinoceroses killed by poaching increased by a third in 2011, to 443, as a response to the booming street price of rhino horns. MSNBC reported the horns’ market price “soared to about $65,000 a kilogram, making [them] more expensive than gold, platinum and, in many cases, cocaine.” The reason for the price is an escalating, though unscientific, belief in Asia that rhino horn powder cures cancer.

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Update

Airbags Save Lives: NOTW earlier chronicled the breast-obsessive Sheyla Hershey, the Guinness Book record-holder for largest artificially enhanced bosom (size 38MMM). To recap: The Brazil-born, Houston-area woman had her implants removed two years ago for health reasons but then, after depression set in over her “loss,” she wanted them back, but no U.S. surgeon would meet her requirement of 85 fluid ounces of silicone per breast. Finally, she found a surgeon in Cancun, Mexico, and received slightly smaller implants — 38KKK. Hershey, 32, was charged with DUI as she drove home after a February Super Bowl party. Her car spun around and hit a tree, and according to Hershey, who wasn’t wearing a seat belt, it was likely her breasts saved her from injury, cushioning her as she was thrust against the steering wheel.

Chuck Shepherd WeirdNews@earthlink.net MARCH 13-19, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 53

ARIES (March 21-April 19): This week you may learn the real reason the tortoise beat the hare, why two of the three blind mice weren’t really blind and the shocking truth about the relationship between Cinderella’s fairy godmother and the handsome prince. Myths are mutating. Nursery rhymes scramble and fairy tales fracture. Thor, the god of thunder, may make a tempting offer to Snow White. The cow’s jump over the moon could turn out to have been faked by the CIA. An ugly duckling lays an egg Chicken Little claims is irrefutable proof the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse is imminent.

A rowdy good time for all!

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Spanish poet Juan Ramon Jimenez wrote, “Roots and wings.

But let the wings grow roots and the roots fly.”

Now I’m passing it on to you. It’ll serve as a keynote for the turning point you’re about to navigate. In the weeks ahead, you generate good fortune by exposing your dark mysterious depths to a big bright sky; bring your soaring dreams down to earth for a pit stop. The highs need the influence of the lows, the underneath benefits from feeling the love of what’s above. There’s one more nuance to be aware of: You’ll find it extra interesting to interweave your past with your future. Give rich traditions a taste of as-yet unwritten stories.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Is it possible you were a spider in an earlier life? If so, call on abilities you developed then. You need to create an extra big, super-fine web, metaphorically speaking, so you can capture the raw materials you’ll need in the weeks and months ahead. If you’re not sure if you’re the reincarnation of a spider, simply imagine you were.

Stimulate daydreams; visualize yourself as a mover and shaker skilled at snagging resources and help.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): British writer Kenneth Tynan asked a movie director how he’d film an advancing army. Did it matter if the action went from right to left across the frame or left to right? “Of course!” said the director. “To the Western eye, easy or successful movement is left to right, difficult or failed movement is right to left.” The director showed Tynan an illustrated book as evidence. On one page, a canoe was shooting the rapids from left to right, while a man was climbing a mountain from right to left. Use this info to your benefit. For the next two weeks, visualize yourself moving from left to right as you fulfill a dream.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Hanadi Zakaria al-Hindi is the first Saudi Arabian woman to be licensed to fly a plane. But there’s an absurd law there prohibiting women from driving cars, so she needs a man to get to the airport. Is there a situation in your life resembling hers? Like you’ve advanced to a higher level without getting certified on a lower level?

Or you’ve got permission and power to operate in a sphere meaningful to you even though you skipped a step along the way? Now’s a good time to think about doing anything about that.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Recent scientific studies confirm what Native American folklore reports: Badgers and coyotes sometimes cooperate with each other as they search for food.

Coyotes are better at stalking prey above ground; badgers take over if the hunted animal slips underground.

They share the spoils. Draw inspiration from their example. Do you know someone skilled at a task you have trouble with who could benefit from something you’re good at? It’s prime time to consider forming symbiotic relationships or unusual pairings.

54 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 13-19, 2012

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): How did the Vikings navigate their ships through rough northern seas on cloudy, foggy days? Medieval texts speak of the mysterious “sunstone,” a “Viking compass” used to detect the hidden sun. Modern theories suggest this technology may have been Iceland spar, a mineral that polarizes light, making it useful in plotting a course under overcast skies. Do you have anything like a navigational aid that guides your decisions when the sun’s not out, metaphorically speaking? Now’s a great time to boost a bond with an element to provide such power.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you set up two mirrors just the right way, you can get a clear look at the back of your head. You can see what your body looks like from behind. Try that soon. It’ll encourage your subconscious mind to help you discover what’s been missing from self-knowledge. You may be drawn to experiences that reveal things you’ve been resistant to seeing. You may be shown secrets about buried feelings and wishes you’ve been hiding from you.

And you may get intuitions about your soul’s code you haven’t been ready to understand till now.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to my Sagittarius friend Jonathan Zap, Greek playwright Aristophanes had an ambivalent attitude about divine blessings. He said no great gift enters the human sphere without a curse attached. I’m sure you know this. One of last year’s big gifts has revealed its downside in confusing or deflating ways, but now here’s an unexpected plot twist, letting you add a corollary to Aristophanes’ formulation. You’ll find a second blessing hidden within the curse in embryonic form. You can tease it out, ripen it and add it to the first one’s bounty.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In the science magazine Discover, Corey S. Powell wrote, “There’s an old joke: If you tell someone the universe is expanding, he’ll believe you. If you tell him there’s wet paint on the park bench, he’ll want to touch it to make sure.” In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to rebel against this. It’s quite important for you to demand as much proof for big, faraway claims as for those close at hand. Don’t trust anyone’s assertions just because they sound lofty or elegant. Put them to the test.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): It’s an excellent time to better appreciate your #@%(!)* vexations and botherations. Just go ahead and make this Honor Your #@%(!)* Irritations and Annoyances Week. To properly observe the holiday, study people and things that irk you, so you can extract from them all the blessings and teachings they may provide. Are you too tolerant of an annoying situation that you need to pay closer attention to? Is it time to reclaim power you’ve lost because of an exasperating energy-drain? Does some jerk remind you of a quality you don’t like in yourself? Is there a valuable clue to glean from a passive-aggressive provocateur?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Seahorses have an unusual approach to reproduction. It’s the male of the species that cares for the eggs as they gestate. He carries them in a “brood pouch” on his front side. It’s the female who creates the eggs in the first place. After analyzing astrological factors bearing on your destiny, I suspect you’ll benefit from having a seahorse-like quality in the weeks ahead. Whatever gender you are, your archetypal masculine qualities play an especially strong role as you nurture a project in its early developmental phases.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

MUSCULAR MOUNTAIN MAN You: Tall blonde grizzly hunk that comes to the gym on his lunch break. Me: Big rack with a bigger back. I’ve seen you get into a black older model F-150 with window decals on the back. Also I know we share a love for the Avett Brothers.

I hope that one day we can lie underneath a tree together, play guitar, sip some apple pie moonshine and listen to the birds. Will you be my Tim Tebow? When: About twice a week during lunchtime. Where: Athlete’s Choice N. Main St. #1296-0313 JOHN SMITH SEARCHING FOR POCAHONTAS Saw you just around the river bend. Watched you tattoo a stuffed giraffe and my life hasn’t been the same since. Would love to paint the colors of the wind with you. When: March 5, 2012. Where: Jerry’s Sports Grille. #1295-0313 BANGIN’ LIBRARIAN You: Blue eyes, short bangs & a green collared dress with sexy side cutouts. Me: Plaid button-up and cords. I saw you shelving DVDs. We met eyes for a few seconds and I thought to come over and ask you for a little assistance, but I was slightly intimidated. Let’s see how tough you truly are.

Drinks? When: March 1, 2012. Where: Jacksonville Public Library, Willow Branch. #1294-0313 FOREVER’S MESSENGER We exchanged few words, you complimented my pants. You: Adorable brunette with messenger bag. Me: Blushing, excited employee in beanie wishing I had said more. I’ve seen you around and I’d like to put a name to that face. When: Feb. 25, 2012. Where: Avenues Mall. #1293-0313 TO THE MAYOR OF CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE You stole my heart from the couch.. and I have never let you out of my heart... you will always be in it no matter if you’re there or not... so let’s get back on that lonely couch and when we wake let’s go for a bike ride on the beach. When: Feb. 2011. Where: Camp Crystal Lake Herschel St. #1292-0313 SEXY TATTOOED WHISKY RIVER BARTENDER I saw you staring all night at me when I was working. We had a moment while you were DJing when I finally caught your gaze. You’re on repeat in my mind all day. Let’s make music!

Where: In the bush. When: Feb. 29, 2012. Where: Whisky River/Suite. #1291-0313 RUNNING RIOT You: Pretty, petite blonde always running and laughing with your friend in Riverside. Me: Tall, tan and athletic dying to know what’s so funny. When: Jan. 26, 2012. Where: Riverside. #1290-0306 SHORT HEALTHY BRUNETTE CUTIE RE: TRIVIA All of my friends have been facebooking me and texting me funny things about your “sexy trivia man” ad, question is will you reveal yourself so I know what exactly “healthy” means please... When: ??? Where: Monkey’s Uncle Jax Beach. #1289-0306 PETE’S BAR You, sitting at the bar with your friends drinking whiskey.

I walked in and saw you right away. We talked and you charmed me, I went to play some foosball and you left, leaving me wondering if I’ll ever see your charming self again. Let’s talk again! When: Feb. 25, 2012. Where: Pete’s Bar. #1288-0306 STARBUCKS DREAM GIRL You: Short reddish hair, blue bandana, red shoes, backpack.

Me: Maroon zip-up, grey beanie, black hair with buzzed side.

We made eye contact before you sat with your back to me.

I’d like to see more of the front. Let me buy you your next coffee? When: Feb. 26, 2012. Where: Riverside Starbucks. #1287-0306 HOPE YOU NOTICED You were in St Barts and I walked in with the girl. You didn’t look up but I could tell you were paying attention. There was more to me than meets the eye; I can’t wait to get your attention with the real me. Me: slim, Irish. You: tall, too intelligent. Care to meet by the pool? When: Feb. 20, 2012.

Where: St. Bart’s. #1286-0306

TATTOOED GRAPHIC DESIGNER Hey u with the giant “kitty” on your side, we have the same artist and share an interest in photography. I was sitting on the ground in the art bldg watching Ghostbusters and writing a paper, u can ask me out on a date! I think you’re hot! Hope to see u soon, maybe at the tattoo shop! When: Mondays and Wednesdays. Where: University of North Florida. #1285-0306 WAFFLE HOUSE OFF 17 You: with your lazy eye and tangled bleached platinum hair, I was constantly wondering if you were looking at me or staring into my soul. Me: chain smoking cigarettes and watching you like a tiger hunting its prey, I will wait for you at the Waffle House. Please don’t make me eat my heart shaped pancakes alone. When: Feb. 23, 2012. Where: Waffle House. #1284-0306

RAMPS ON THE STOVE TOP You the Officer that came to my parents rescue... Me the one who was in scrubs and slightly embarrassed because my father offered you “Ramps”. Ever since then you have been forever on my mind...would love to get to know you better. XOXO? When: Jan. 2011. Where: Ortega. #1278-0221 MY SUNSHINE I was driving along Atlantic Blvd, crossing at Hodges Blvd, when I saw you cruising in your V dub. Dark silk hair, hiding the fiery blonde underneath, you’re sexy dark shades resting above your little nose. It was love at first sight, but it was my first time seeing you sunshine. I’ll see you soon. When: April 11, 1984. Where: Atlantic Blvd. #1277-0214

BLACKJACKS BBQ BEAUTY You (girl) work at Blackjacks and have tattoos. I (guy) eat at Blackjacks and have tattoos...so far we’re 2 for 2. When: Feb. 14, 2012. Where: Blackjacks Baymeadows. #1283-0221

LOST GIRL? U brunette with brown eyes that shine like little stars, sitting on red couch at The Royal. Me guy dressed in black busy working and cleaning up. I really meant to catch your name?

Hope I see you again one day. When: Feb. 4, 2012. Where: The Royal. #1276-0214

MYSTERIOUS COAT AND CHEEKBONES I saw U at St. Bart’s, cooking something up in the lab.

Mutual friend introduced us. You told me my life story just by observing the evidence. I believe my heart was stolen.

Please take my case? You: Tall, dark-haired man in long coat and blue scarf. Me: Soldier with blonde hair who called you brilliant. When: Feb. 10, 2012. Where: St. Bart’s. #1282-0221

TETHERED TO BAR NEAR BATHROOMS Me WAY too drunk, however, your beauty and energy is unforgettable. You and your dark haired gentleman friend were tethered to the bar near the bathrooms. I would love love love to get to know you and see where it goes, if anywhere. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Tavern – Mandarin. #1275-0214

YOU HELD MY DOOR AT THE CAR Ok Joe you were a doll. Called me ma’am and I am. But still are you there? Bold City Thurs nite 9:30 pm. When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Bold City. #1281-0221

SATURDAY AFTERNOON DELIGHT You: long curl brown hair, blue shirt, couldn’t catch your eye color thru those motorcycle goggles. Loved the cute gap between your teeth. Me: blonde blue eyed girl in red sundress. You told me how attractive you thought I was at the Daily’s on Roosevelt. Didn’t know what to say at the time but suddenly the words have come to mind. When: Jan. 28, 2012. Where: Daily’s on Roosevelt & San Juan. #1274-0214

PUT A BIRD ON IT! Saw you on the corner of Forbes and Acosta in your faded bathrobe sitting on your porch drinking your morning brew.

As soon as I got a whiff of your morning coffee breath I knew you were the one for me. If your as interested as I am, meet me at cool moose at 8 am on v-day and we’ll both have some java to go with our morning breath. When: Feb. 9, 2012.

Where: Forbes & Acosta. #1280-0221 EYE CONTACT ONLY I was out with a girlfriend, wasn’t sure if you were out with yours, so I never actually spoke to you. Your dark hair, glasses and almost hidden arm tattoo caught my attention almost as much as our eye contact. As soon as I left, I regretted not saying anything. If you’re single, I’d like to actually have that conversation! When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Salt Life/Mellow Mushroom. #1279-0221

my salad? When: Feb. 2, 2012. Where: Crispers at the town center. #1272-0214 I SEEN YOU WALKING DOWN THE STREET I seen you walking down the street and dang you are hot your so sexy you have dark black hair and very tan w/f holla at me if you see this. When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Bowden Road. #1271-0214 SEXY TRIVIA MAN You: muscular blonde trivia host. Me: short healthy brunette cutie. You can guess my answer anytime. When: Jan. 24, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Beaches. #1270-0214 MY LITTLE PICTURE MAN You: young buck with buzz cut taking photos of surfers on the Jax beach pier. You winked at me while I was walking my dog on the boardwalk, then quickly got into your blue Tacoma.

Next time I’ll jump in the back and we can head two blocks to Bo’s Coral Reef. When: Jan. 25, 2012. Where: Jax Beach Pier. #1269-0207 YOU WERE HOTTER THAN MY BURRITO I Saw U at the hot sauce bar and noticed you liked it spicy!

You were wearing a pink hello kitty shirt and thigh high boots.

I was the guy who knocked over the plastic cups. I think you should join me for spicy taco night at my place sometime.

When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Tijuana Flats @ Bartram Park. #1268-0207 TO EACH THEIR OWN To the beautifully short tattooed brunette, I saw you yelling at a co-worker and I instantly fell in love. The anger in your eyes fueled the fire in my heart. You: Perfect Me: Tall, Blue eyes, and exactly your type :) When: Jan. 15, 2012. Where: Crisper’s. #1267-0207

GEORGIEGIRL1313 Met you on Plenty of Fish. We messaged back and forth and then you were gone. Hope you find this. Secret Agent Doc...

Take Care Cutie... When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Plenty of Fish. #1273-0214

BEAUTY IN A BEAT UP TRUCK You-Rocking out in a red Chevy truck covered in bumper stickers. Thought nothing of it until you stepped out in a skirt with legs for days and a smile that make me want to get to know you. Your messy hair and converse were a match made in my heaven! Me-40ish chick with silver Mohawk on my Harley. Don’t let the skinny fool you! Dinner? You made me hungry. When: Jan. 13, 2012. Where: Daily’s on Baymeadows. #1266-0207

I’M IN “MISERY” WITHOUT YOU You: Adam Levine look alike, delivering my southwest salad with a little extra spice, making it a little “harder to breathe.”

I was mesmerized by your doe-like eyes, I didn’t have a chance to look at your nametag. Me: strawberry blonde hair in a pink polo. next time you wanna go to panera and toss

PERFECT AT THE PEARL Saw you @ The Pearl with a girl all in black. Your hair was perfect! Made me wanna get ya in the sack. It was my first time there, now I wanna go back. I can’t let you get away, because you I can’t lack. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: The Pearl. #1265-0207

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MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 55

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56 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

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Maybe Yes, Maybe No ACROSS Tribal doctor Step on it?

The Pyramids, e.g.

Main monk’s tenure Small egg or seed All together YES, ___ NO ___ Gilbert and Sullivan ship letters JFK joined it Reef dweller Lead-in to “boy!”

YES, ___ NO ___ Hill dweller Like a not-so-fine whine Stone landmarks YES, ___ A key state?: abbr.

Romantic, to young boys Spot for a shot Knocks NO ___ Competent “Whadja say?”

Shorthand pro YES ___ First name from the 1972 Olympics Miami golf resort Place for a patch NO ___ Elevator inventor Otis With 76 Down, cerumen Bk. intro YES, ___ Divorced couple Recorder abbr.

Raptor’s grabber Do the math?

NO ___ Where Portland is, in gazetteer shorthand Change of a sort Japanese carp

1 7 12 17 18 19 21 23 25 26 27 28 30 37 40 41 42 43 49 50 51 52 56 60 62 63 64 71 73 74 75 80 84 85 86 88 90 91 94 95 102 105 106 1

2

3

4

5

107 109 115 116 118 119 120 123 129 130 131 132 133 134 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 20 22 24 27 29 31 32 33 34 35 36

YES ___ NO ___ Reduce, with “down” It sounds like you Babysitters watch them Penn & Teller, e.g.

NO ___ (continues at 123 Across) See 120 Across Like Sibelius’s “Valse” Clip wool from Go by Lipstick slip Producing groans, perhaps Squanders DOWN Greet (with “to”) Subject of a ’52 test Mistreatment Fancy car wheel Pressure preceder Near-sounding Nevada county Western band?

Dark times?

Fizzler Steve’s “The Getaway” co-star Imperfect serve Lose energy Basic produce-section amt.

Bus. get-together Bklyn. is one Less wobbly Frolicking fish-eater Expedition, e.g.

Kyle and Kenny’s friend on “South Park” Building wings Gore and Green Place QB’s error Bible verb ending Laundry 1960s espionage series starring Cosby and Culp Philosopher ___-tzu

6

7

17

9

10

53 54 55 57 58 59 60 61 65 66 67 68

69 70 72 75 76 77 78 79

31

32

B R A C H S

L E V E E S

E M I T

F R E S H

I R I S E

A D D L

C I C E R O

O T I T I S

11

12

35

58

71

47

72

65

66

96

97

120

121 129 132

122

M A R E

A M O R E

T O S I R

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16

29

39

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53

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55

69

82

83

113

114

70

74

92

80

81

87

93

94

98

99

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38

68

86

104

115

M E T

A V E R S E

24

79

91

108

I S I T

R A D I U S

62

73

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107

A S P

A B E G U L E L A T L H I N D MO U K E R R N DWH E A E T E M L A X S P E R E C O C M L E C E I GO M A S U E N P S I

20

67

85

95

15

D I A N E

61

78

89

14

51 60

77

84

103

13

37

46

64

88

T Y T R A A R A A R L A I K E E S T E

A R P E R I S S S P I T A T I S B I D E S I G N H O U S T E A E B Y S S S EWH T A O Z O S L I T A U H E C O I G H T B OO S

metro

42

59

63

76

W H O O S H

28

36

50 57

C H A R

41

49 56

E W E L S WU O L O F T O N H O H O A L R G M A D OO N K E S

27 34

45

122 123 124 125 126 127 128

19

33

44

111 112 113 114 117 121

23

40 43

81 82 83 87 89 90 91 92 93 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 108 110

perhaps Practice pugilism Actress Lamarr “___ how!”

Compass pt.

Circus pitchmen Talking equine Graceland’s st.

Hero’s intro?

Not quite Paris article Pinnacle Serpent’s home?

Deal with moguls “___ yer old man!”

Suffer Sis or bro Pre-Q queue On ___ (reducing) Busybody Big name in label sales Hush-hush org.

Skillful Hospital figure Hospital amounts Bonn was its cap.

James’s “Vertigo” co-star British verb ending Scary slitherer Day of the wk.

Easy multiplier Just out It grabbed Patty in ’74 Used to be

Solution to Sounds Familiar

A G N A T E

26

30

AVONDALE 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. 388-5406

MIRV carrier Hayride participant Landed, butterfly-style “What’s in a ___?”

Global currency org.

Snacks on a plane Veteran sailor “___ my case” McHenry and others: abbr.

Cry of discovery Drinking-song setting Like a wallflower Sufficient, old-style Gwen Verdon role Like custard At the drop of ___ Vacation isle “___ delighted!”

It may be pitched Play about Capote Only Major League pitcher to throw backto-back no-hitters, Johnny Vander ___ (June 1938) Bush and Kerry went there Gusto Jiggly dish It helps you drive See 84 Across Klondike find Walk-through monument Second-floor apt. no.,

22

25

102

8

38 39 43 44 45 46 47 48 49

18

21

75

AVENUES MALL

100

101

106

109

110

117

111

112

118 123

124

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119 126

130

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128

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 57

Whatever Floats Our Boat

Keeping the St. Johns River Ferry in service is both a local priority and a statewide obligation

T

he primary purpose of the Friends of the St. Johns River Ferry Inc. is to “encourage, support and defend the retention, continuation and preservation of the St. Johns River Ferry Service as a vital part of the local transportation system, connecting State Road A1A between Heckscher Drive and Mayport.”

JaxPort’s recent review of whether to continue to operate the ferry is understandable in light of today’s economic climate and current budget constraints. JaxPort has certain priorities that require funding — profitgenerating projects for the port — and so the independent authority is considering returning the responsibility of ferry service back to the city of Jacksonville.

Since JaxPort CEO Paul Anderson is new to Jacksonville, and since the current JaxPort Board of Directors was not seated in 2007 when the port board voted to take ownership of, and responsibility for, the ferry, Friends members feel compelled to share our thoughts and knowledge.

While it might seem to be a simple matter of revenues and operating shortfalls, the situation is more complicated than that. Ending ferry service will result in numerous negative repercussions, some of which are detailed here.

Job and Payroll Losses The ferry service is the third-largest nonmilitary business in Mayport. If the St. Johns River Ferry Service shuts down for any reason, there will be an immediate loss of 33 jobs (18 full-time and 15 part-time) with an approximate annual payroll of $700,000.

These are good-paying jobs in an otherwise economically depressed community.

Additional economic losses will be incurred by businesses and vendors that provide material, supplies or services that support ferry operations. At a time when the nation, state and city are trying to create jobs, it would seem we should start by preserving the jobs we have.

Strickland Family Reverter Any closure or discontinuation of ferry service (beyond normal maintenance) will trip a reverter clause in a deed, requiring the return of all or much of the Mayport Ferry Landing property to the Strickland family, from whom it was originally obtained. The only way to get the property back would be through an armslength purchase from the Strickland family or condemnation. Either option would be expensive for the taxpayers!

If the Strickland family were to sell the land to a third party, it’s unlikely it could ever be recovered. And it’s possible the city of Jacksonville would be legally obligated to remove the fuel tanks and clean up any

environmental contamination or damage done over some 62 years of ferry operations.

The city might also have to pay to remove the docking facilities — pilings, piers and gangways — so as not to be a navigational hazard, attractive nuisance or lawsuit magnet. The costs to return the property to the Strickland family essentially “in the condition it was in when it was given” could be substantial, probably running into millions of dollars.

Neither JaxPort nor the city wants to do anything to trip the reverter clause. Therefore, operation of the ferry cannot be suspended indefinitely, or “mothballed,” in hope of returning it to operation later on. Once it’s closed, it’s as good as lost.

Transportation Link The ferry represents an important transportation link, essentially acting as a “movable bridge,” connecting North and South A1A across the

The cost of constructing such a bridge would be excessive. But even if money were no object, the height restrictions imposed by the Navy due to the flight patterns of Naval Station Mayport would preclude its construction.

Monetary Losses The St. Johns River Ferry Service’s approximate $600,000 to $750,000 annual deficit may sound like a lot, but is really no different than the expenses for maintenance and upkeep of area bridges. People talk about the ferry needing to break even, or even make money, but that isn’t going to happen. Bridges don’t make money, nor are they expected to.

A similar comparison would be the Jacksonville Transportation Authority’s

People talk about the ferry needing to break even, or even make money, but that isn’t going to happen. Bridges don’t make money, nor are they expected to.

St. Johns River. It is not only an important local transportation link, it’s a vital part of our regional transportation infrastructure.

A Bridge Won’t Work Invariably, when people discuss the ferry, the question comes up about replacing it with a bridge. There are several reasons why a bridge does not work in this location. First, in order to span the river — though it is only a short distance — a bridge would have to be high enough not to impede ship traffic. This would require a bridge design similar to the Dames Point Bridge, with a long gradual ascent and descent and acres of dedicated land. Further complicating bridge design are several S turns between the ocean and the Intracoastal Waterway, which would require the bridge to span the river without pilings that might be an impediment to the huge cargo ships.

Geographical features, mainly extensive marshlands and limited uplands on the north side of the river, do not allow for a safe grade on that side.

operation of the Jacksonville bus system.

Ferry service losses are no different from a bus system subsidized by JTA through the gas tax and a half-cent sales tax that removed area bridge tolls. One has to wonder why the ferry’s toll wasn’t included under that plan, too. Better yet, why isn’t the ferry eligible for financial support just like the bus system?

The least popular subsidy, of course, is the subsidy the JTA pays to operate the Skyway.

JTA keeps funding it because it’s a link in Jacksonville’s larger transportation plan. The ferry is a similarly important piece.

Loss of Ridership People like to blame loss of ferry ridership on the opening of Dames Point Bridge or Wonderwood Expressway, but these are only partly to blame. The Navy’s fleet reductions and the “Great Recession” (particularly high gas prices) have taken a toll. These conditions will not last, but if the ferry goes, it will be gone forever.

Losing the ferry is more than an

inconvenience. Loss of the St. Johns River Ferry Service will stunt redevelopment efforts for Mayport Village and the wider Mayport area, and hinder development along Heckscher Drive. Businesses on both sides of the river will sustain significant financial losses, and may even become economic casualties. Failure to preserve the ferry would also reinforce the public’s perception, particularly among Mayport residents, that JaxPort is not a good corporate neighbor.

Further, it will reinforce Mayport residents’ suspicion, whether that perception is correct or not, that JaxPort’s sole interest in acquiring the ferry was to obtain the property for a future cruise ship terminal.

It isn’t fair that JaxPort has to bear the entire cost of the ferry service. Ideally, a consortium could be put together that would share the cost and the benefit of keeping it in operation. Participation may or may not be voluntary. Likely, it will not be equal. Putting the group together may require both public and political persuasion, but permanent funding sources must be found to keep the St. Johns River Ferry Service in operation, not just for the short term — but into the foreseeable future.

There is a very short timeline for action, unless JaxPort chooses to keep funding the ferry. Funding needs to be in someone’s budget

by June 2012 so that it may be approved in the budget process. If it is not funded, the ferry will go away on Oct. 1, 2012.

It is our hope that JaxPort will proceed slowly and cautiously, and perhaps even rethink its position. Ideally, JaxPort will still play a role in the operation of the ferry in the future — but not alone. Regardless, Friends of the St. Johns River Ferry looks forward to working with JaxPort and the community to find a solution that ensures the retention, continuation and preservation of the St. Johns River Ferry.

Val Bostwick

Bostwick is a longtime Northside activist and current president of the Friends of the St. Johns River Ferry Inc.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be at least 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to themail@folioweekly.com or snail mail it to Anne Schindler, Editor, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

58 | folio weekly | MARCH 13-19, 2012

MARCH 13-19, 2012 | folio weekly | 59

ST. ANTHONY’S NATIONAL CATHOLIC CHURCH A Parish of the National Catholic Church of North America WEDDINGS – BAPTISMS - FUNERALS Chapel at St. Luke’s, 1140 S. McDuff at Remington Sunday Mass at 10:30 am * 904-403-8328 / 904-573-9309 sanccmmb@aol.com www.nationalcatholicchurch.org

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