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Northeast Florida’s News & Opinion Magazine • March 27-April 2, 2012 • Betcha can’t read just one! • 127,212 readers every week

One of the worst films you’ll see this year is memorialized in one of the best takedowns you’ll read. p. 21

A principal sued for proselytizing is now accused of inappropriate punishment of disabled students. p. 7

FREE

2 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

11 NEWS A former principal sued for proselytizing is now accused of inappropriate punishment of disabled students. p. 7 BUZZ, BOUQUETS & BRICKBATS Water Hogs mystery, solved? Plus hemp vodka has Jacksonville ties but no THC. p. 8 SPORTSTALK Do you believe in Magic, Dwight Howard? Or just destiny? p. 11 ON THE COVER A day in the life of the crap you throw away. p. 12 OUR PICKS Reasons to leave the house this week. p. 17 MOVIES The latest humorless comedy featuring Jonah Hill is a real kick in the crotch. p. 18 Director-star Jennifer Westfeldt’s firstborn attempt at brainy romantic comedy is a bad seed. p. 21 MUSIC Jacksonville indie four-piece Opiate Eyes continue their prolific drive. p. 22 The big sound of Omaha’s psychedelic sextet Conduits gives shoegazer rock haunting new life. p. 23

23 Country great Suzy Bogguss takes a nostalgic trip back in time with her latest “Songbook” release. p. 26 ARTS Players by the Sea darkens its stage lights to capture the edgy story of “Bug.” p. 32 EYE Photographic evidence from the opening of “Form and Figure,” the art of Joe Segal and Enzo Torcoletti. p. 35 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Basic toilet etiquette, and how ass-launched bottle rockets can lead to lawsuits. p. 41 BACKPAGE Mayport should have allowed a cruise terminal in the first place — but it hasn’t missed the boat yet. p. 46 GUEST EDITORIAL p. 4 MAIL p. 5 I ♥ TELEVISION p. 10 LIVE MUSIC LISTING p. 27 ARTS LISTING p. 33 HAPPENINGS p. 34 DINING GUIDE p. 36 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY p. 42 I SAW U p. 43 CLASSIFIEDS p. 44 Cover Photograph by Walter Coker.

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 3

Guest Editorial Show and Tell

A mother’s wish for a better world — and a safer place for all young men

E

xactly 129 miles separate my Ortega home from the Sanford community where 17-yearold Trayvon Martin was killed. Yet, the sorrow I feel has taken up residency in my heart.

Several years ago, I purchased a home in Ortega — a move that shocked many, including my parents, who knew Ortega to be an exclusive area for whites. I am black. Why would a black woman choose to move there?

What if they harm you or your property? These are several questions my parents, who grew up during segregation, asked. I, following a divorce, chose to provide a safe, beautiful and thriving community to raise my son. Safe was defined as the absence of violence; beautiful included trees, parks and river views; thriving was property values and quality schools. These are considerations that parents — regardless of ethnicity — share when choosing a home.

It’s a choice that I’m sure the Martins made for their children. Yet, regretfully, it wasn’t enough.

Their choices didn’t prevent the single choice that George Zimmerman made on Feb. 26.

look suspicious or play foolishly when bringing in the garbage can or riding your bicycle through select neighborhoods (Show and Tell: Trayvon Martin).

So often, my son has met me with expressions of absurdity and questions — “You’ve got to be kidding me … why can’t I wear an Obama T-shirt to ride my bicycle?”

The answer has never been simple … until now.

My son and many others now understand these “ridiculous” fears.

It’s important for me to note that we have never felt threatened in our Ortega home. I’ve only been met with respect and consideration by my neighbors … even by the lady who stopped me during an afternoon stroll, to ask me if my car had broken down. It was evident that she was concerned but as equally surprised to learn that I have lived in the neighborhood for multiple years.

My parents taught me that “a man sees in the world what he carries in his heart.” Perhaps their fears were rooted in the injustices that

I chose to provide a safe, beautiful and thriving community to raise my son. It’s a choice that I’m sure the Martins made for their children. Yet, regretfully, it wasn’t enough. Their choices didn’t prevent the single choice that George Zimmerman made on Feb. 26.

4 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

I now realize that none of my choices do, either. Mothers I know raising black males share lessons that we teach our sons. Regardless of age, geographic area or socioeconomic status, they’re the same. If you’re ever pulled over by a police officer, keep your hands on the steering wheel, do not seek to retrieve your driver’s license from your pocket or glove box.

(Show and Tell: Rodney King). If you ever find yourself locked out of the house, don’t attempt to break in, but instead go to a neighbor’s.

(Show and Tell: Henry Louis Gates). And don’t

they survived during their lives. Perhaps many of my fears are rooted from today’s injustices.

While we may never know how Trayvon Martin saw the world, we do know that his life, although short, has influenced it.

If our hearts carried the same beliefs for humankind, the only ground on which we’d need to stand would be the insistence for a better world.

Marsha Oliver

Oliver is president of O. Communications, a public relations firm, and a Jacksonville native.

Wanna Bet?

I think people should consider gambling here in Jacksonville. There is already a boat casino, dog track and horse betting, poker rooms, Internet cafes (come on, it is gambling).

The point is that Jacksonville has tons of strip clubs, tons of bars and restaurants, so why not build and open a real casino? I mean a real Las Vegas casino with all the bells and whistles. Imagine a casino with 3,000 or more rooms, a convention center, bowling alley,

Jacksonville has tons of strip clubs, tons of bars and restaurants, so why not build and open a real casino? restaurants, night club, theater and — wow — employment. With places like Food Lion and KMart closing and cutting back, Florida needs jobs, so maybe a casino is the way to go.

“To us who live in the ruins of a Christian society, it has become commonplace to hear the teachings of Christ rejected and mocked. Because the figure of Jesus of Nazareth is so awesome and inspiring, one rarely hears His enemies attack him directly. This would be in very bad taste.

Rather one of two maneuvers is likely to be used, and the followers of Christ need to be informed of these maneuvers lest, without knowing it, we join in the hostile chorus against Christ.

“The most common maneuver is to attack the teachings of Christ as if they were manmade teachings of the Church. Because many are not familiar enough with the moral teachings of the New Testament, this cheap trick often works, especially in matters of chastity and family values. The second maneuver is more subtle. It is to create a false image of Christ as someone who does not know who he is or what he is doing. …

“Take the time to get to know the real Jesus — the Jesus of the Gospels — and His words.

True shepherds of the Church labor and struggle to keep these divine teachings before us. But we ourselves need to make the choice to accept the Son of God or to reject Him, to make His holy teaching a cornerstone or rock of scandal.”

Mark Mechling Jacksonville via email

Micheal Tomsik Jacksonville via email

School for Scandal

What is the Duval County School Board hiding and why? If something happens once, you can kind of blow it off as a fluke. Twice, maybe, you can reason it’s a coincidence, but three or more times — well, that makes a trend. The School Board has developed a keepthe-public-in-the-dark trend.

First, there were the two meetings they had to fire the superintendent, which by their titles — “quarterly update” and “continuing quarterly update” — were designed to exclude the public (Editor’s Note, March 13, http:// bit.ly/GHzYHn). The notes they kept at these meetings were vague, to say the least, never mentioning this huge staffing decision.

Next, they said they were going to do all they could to include the public in the process to pick a new superintendent, which would be great if it were true. The first meeting they had, and the second two they scheduled, are all at times that assure teachers and the vast majority of the public cannot attend.

Then, without explanation, they changed their timetable for hiring a superintendent from December (after the School Board elections) to August (before the elections).

Finally, they announced they are meeting with a Houston nonprofit, but what they didn’t say is it is actually a front for the Broad Foundation, whose mission is to put noneducation types in charge of urban school districts to enact corporate reforms.

All of this has to do with the superintendent, all of it keeps the public in the dark and all of it is troubling.

Chris Guerrieri Jacksonville via email

God Particles

I would like to respond to Tricia Booker’s Editorial (“Bad Medicine”, March 6, http://bit. ly/AbT6qN). The following is an excerpt from the book “The King, Crucified and Risen” by Benedict Groeschel:

Jeremy Racicot (Mail, Feb. 28) shared his thoughtfully sincere opinion about my LGBTrelated response letter of Feb. 14. He contends that the story of Noah’s Ark is merely a fable.

I’ll admit that many entertaining stories have been spin-offs of the original Genesis account.

It’s always been a children’s favorite, [but] reducing this story to a fable would also mean that the Lord Jesus Christ was either a liar or mentally incompetent. If Jesus’ words are not true, then whose words do you think are true?

What would cause a worldwide flood anyway? Perhaps something like Halley’s Comet. It last visited us in 1986. Its orbit brings it close to our Earth once every 75 years. That comet is thought to be a huge dirty snowball with a tail (a million miles long) of poisonous gases. Suppose that comet were to enter Earth’s atmosphere? It would heat up and melt, and trigger a rainstorm that could flood out the entire Earth. Scientifically speaking, it is possible. Nobody can say that’s what happened back in Noah’s day. At the same time, who can say that it didn’t happen?

God gave us the Holy Bible as a compass to daily guide us. It’s always proven itself to be true. We can enjoy God’s love and mercy when we respect his authority. However, to ignore God’s authority “to dishonor their own bodies between themselves” (Romans 1:24) and other sins, judgment will surely follow.

William Shuttleworth Jacksonville via email

Not So Slick

While increasing our oil supply and reducing our dependence on foreign oil sounds good, the XL pipeline and clean coal advertisements are misleading. We need only look at the facts — coal and oil are hydrocarbons, and burning them releases water, carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Carbon dioxide is greenhouse gas. You can’t have clean coal by burning coal — but what is called “clean coal” is greenhouse gas captured and sequestered (or stored) underground, so this is another case of mislabeling. The other concerns are MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 5

Locally Owned and Independent since 1987

the tar sands; in order to create one barrel of oil, it takes two tons of tar sands. Tar sands are basically bitumen (a soft coal product heavily used in asphalt and roofing) clay, sand and water. It’s so thick, it needs to be chemically diluted and heated in order to move. Anyone who has watched our roadways being placed or our roofs being waterproofed knows that this pipeline is not like our water service. The extraction by open pit mining and the tar sand refining release tremendous amounts of greenhouse gases. Some of the gasses released are carcinogenic and the oil produced is of poor quality and has a heavy sulfur content, which, as anyone knows, throws off that rottenegg smell from the sulfur dioxide produced.

The water and energy requirements in the Western U.S. are substantial and the energy required to heat the mixture along the 2,000-mile stretch before additional refining is a concern. The BP disaster would pale in comparison to an aquifer-killing tar sands spill. The jobs this pipeline would create are negligible, unless you count the thousands employed for environmental clean-up.

Why push for the XL Pipeline when the Canadians themselves don’t want it? Why put your influence behind the coal industries’ outdated solutions when there is 21st-century technology that will produce jobs — with solar, wind, wave and geothermal? Wave energy exploitation is clearly coastal but the lack of discussion or commitment to energy alternatives and the reliance on Gilded Age energy answers is insane.

© 2010

FolioWeekly

Gil Mayers Jacksonville via email

Pork Futures

McDonald’s recently informed its pork suppliers that they will need to stop confining pregnant pigs to gestation crates — pens that are so small, sows cannot even turn around or lie down comfortably in them. This is a good first step, but for the mother pigs — and the piglets taken away from them to become sausage and bacon sandwiches — every McDonald’s meal is still an unhappy meal.

McDonald’s has a long way to go to stop the suffering of pigs and other animals. For example, the company allows its suppliers to shackle chickens and hang them upside-down, cut their throats while they’re still conscious, and even scald many of them alive in the tanks of water used for feather removal.

Twelve years ago, after a PETA exposé, McDonald’s promised to improve its animal welfare practices, but failed to take any meaningful actions to lessen animal suffering.

PETA encourages consumers to tell McDonald’s that they want the company to move rapidly to reduce the suffering of animals that are raised and killed for McDonald’s restaurants. See McCruelty.com for more information.

Heather Moore Norfolk, Va., via email

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Folio Weekly is published every Tuesday throughout Northeast Florida.

It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes both editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received three weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2012. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly is printed on recycled paper using soy-based inks.

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Special Miseducation

High Time As Folio Weekly reported in last week’s Bite By Bite issue (http://bit.ly/GHfAs8), navigating the seas of flavored vodkas is a daunting, and sometimes disgusting, task. (To wit: flavors like cake, bubble and “fluffed marshmallow.”) Tragically, that story included no mention of the flavored vodkas being produced by Jacksonville’s own Bella Coley, COO of the Wasilla-based Alaska Distillery, which previously made headlines for marketing Salmon Vodka and is now preparing to unveil a vodka produced by distilling hemp seeds and glacier water.

Sadly for the potheads among us, the drink, marketed under the name “Purgatory,” produces no contact high. A company press release notes, “The hemp seed used in Purgatory goes through a highly scrutinized (and regulated) process to ensure that no THC is contained in the product.” Still, the drink is slated to come to market on 4/20, dude!

Giant Slurping Sound “Happy to be getting a downtown convenience store, but golly, are we that hard up for wins?”

— Tweet from political blogger and former mayoral aide Abel Harding, following a flood of local media coverage about the opening of a 7-11 store at The Jacksonville Landing last week. The opening of the cigarette and Slurpee emporium was attended by Gov. Rick Scott, whose staunch supporter and campaign donor, Toney Sleiman, owns The Jacksonville Landing.

Flood of Irresponsibility “If it contributes to an annual water bill of upwards of 10 grand, I say this example of landscape architecture gone wild is more of a sales trap.”

— Jacksonville resident and kayaker Gary Klopfer, who may have solved the mystery of Folio Weekly’s Water Hog No. 2. As FW reported in our annual Water Hogs issue (http://bit.ly/GEuscb), the house’s use of 1.6 million gallons of water last year seemed inexplicable, since the place had been empty since sometime in 2010 and was bank-owned. Even a Prudential Realtor who manages the property’s utilities phoned Folio Weekly and said the company couldn’t figure it out. Klopfer’s paddle uncovered a possible reason: a 30-foot-long wall about three feet high along the back of the house that encases a pool. When Klopfer paddled past the Ortega property on March 18, water was pouring over the top of the wall in a perpetual waterfall. Says Klopfer, “I guess it continues to run as a sales feature.”

What a waste: Water Hog No. 2.

A former principal sued for proselytizing is now accused of inappropriate punishment of disabled students

L

inda Turner was a “nontraditional” public school principal — to put it mildly. As head of Bannerman Learning Center, an alternativeeducation school in Clay County, Turner routinely forwarded her subordinates hyperreligious and ultra-conservative emails, urging them to pray in the name of Jesus, sign petitions to keep Christian broadcasting on TV and exhorting recipients to accept the “wonders of the lord.” She also forwarded political emails that compared Barack Obama to a member of the Taliban, called him a “jackass” and referred to the Democratic Party as the “Demonic Party.”

Some of the emails struck assistant principal Patrick Capriola as funny. In September, Turner sent one in support of creating an Internet “prayer circle” to pray for rain in Texas, Oklahoma and New Mexico, that read, “Pray and believe! Let’s pray and carry our rain gear with us … Please forward if you believe in the power of prayer.”

Capriola copied that message to a couple of friends with the note: “From my boss … Figure it would make you laugh.”

But a month later, Capriola filed suit against Turner and the Clay County School District in U.S. District Court, claiming that both had violated his constitutional right to “be free of state-sponsored religion” and “state prescribed political orthodoxy.”

That suit prompted Clay County School Superintendent Ben Wortham to remove Turner as principal on Jan. 3 and reassign her to Clay High School, where she remains today, as an assistant to the administration. But according to an amended complaint filed by Capriola’s attorney William Sheppard on Feb. 23, Turner’s questionable emails were only part of the story. According to the complaint, Turner disciplined students in ways that are disturbing, contrary to school district policy and just plain weird. The complaint contends that Turner’s actions and subsequent retaliation against Capriola violated the whistleblower protections in both the Americans With Disabilities Act and the federal Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

A so-called “alternative school,” Bannerman educates emotionally and behaviorally disturbed students, as well as pregnant girls and students who have committed serious violations of the law or the student code of conduct. In his amended complaint, Capriola stated that if regular education students got in trouble, they would be “punished” by being placed in classrooms with disabled students.

The complaint further says that Turner would punish students given in-school suspension by blasting the air conditioning, taking away their jackets and playing opera at maximum volume.

Linda Turner’s attorney describes complaints against her as “private work-place gripes.”

(Capriola’s lawsuit doesn’t raise the issue, but both the United Nations and the European Court of Human Rights have banned the use of loud music during interrogations as a form of torture.)

Capriola charges that Turner also meted out a strange and humiliating punishment for intellectually disabled students at the school.

According to the amended complaint, she would require them to carry buckets filled with sand up and down the hallways of Bannerman 10 times “to demonstrate their willingness to comply with the rules.”

Superintendent Wortham, who removed Turner during the holiday break, has since made the removal permanent on the advice of the district’s attorney in the lawsuit, according to Darlene Mahla, district public relations officer. “It’s in the best interest of her as an employee and in the best interest of the district,” Mahla said. Asked about the new allegations in the amended complaint, Mahla replied, “No comment.” Reached at Clay High School, Turner also declined to discuss the lawsuit.

“I can’t make a comment on that, sorry,” she said. Neither Capriola nor his attorney William Sheppard could be reached for comment.

In the amended lawsuit, Capriola claims that when he voiced his concerns about the treatment of students to Turner, beginning in May 2010, she suggested, “If you don’t like the way it is here, you can go somewhere else.”

When Capriola asked an employee of the

Capriola claims he was not included in ESE meetings after he voiced his concerns, and that he has been retaliated against for filing the lawsuit. He says after he filed the suit, Turner moved his office to a remote location filled with excess office furniture. He says his trashcan wasn’t emptied, and that once, while he and Turner waited in the bus turnaround with students, she flipped him off. Though Capriola remains an assistant principal at Bannerman, he says he has been overlooked for other district jobs for which he is qualified.

In a March 8 response to the amended complaint, Turner’s attorney Michael Grogan characterized Capriola’s claims of retaliation as mostly “private work-place gripes.” He said Turner’s emails were private communications and not public pronouncements. And he stated that Capriola didn’t follow the proper procedures for filing a complaint if he was concerned about ADA or IDEA violations.

As for Capriola’s claims that Turner retaliated against him, Grogan said, they are “trivial and merit no discussion.”

In the school district’s March 8 response to the amended complaint, attorney Timothy B. Strong admitted that Turner played opera music during in-school suspensions and took away jackets from suspended students if they violated the school dress code, but he denied Capriola witnessed Turner violating students’ rights.

Strong also asserted that Capriola can’t claim an action under the ADA and the Rehabilitation

According to the amended complaint, Turner would require them to carry buckets filled with sand up and down the hallways of Bannerman 10 times “to demonstrate their willingness to comply with the rules.” school district’s Exceptional Student Education (ESE) program in April 2011 to help Turner “achieve her goals without violating the law,” the complaint says, Turner reacted by saying that she “had been doing things her way for 11 years and was going to keep doing it her way.” According to the amended complaint, Capriola complained about Turner’s conduct in a school administrator survey that he submitted to Superintendent Wortham on Nov. 30 — after he filed the lawsuit — saying that Turner used racial slurs in reference to students and that her conduct violated the school system’s special education regulations under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).

Act of 1973 because he “failed to exhaust his administrative remedies.” And he said that since the district had voluntarily stopped the actions Capriola claimed violated his First and Fourteenth Amendment rights (the emails), his complaint is now “moot.”

Judge Marcia Morales Howard, citing the failure of a mediation to settle the matter, has ordered all parties into a case management conference, in which a judge and the parties discuss the issues in a case and possible resolutions. A report on that conference is due no later than April 9.

Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com Twitter @susaneastman March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 7

Parasitic Relationship “I got a tick!”

— Pres. Bill Clinton, during his St. Augustine appearance last week, explaining how a hiking parasite he acquired this winter is just one more sign of global warming.

Shave That Metaphor!

“Shad Khan’s mustache is two lightning bolts of black cool, shooting right and left out from under his nose like perfectly coiffed noisemakers.”

— From a SportingNews profile of Khan last week, describing him as a “classic American success story.” Read the full story at http://bit.ly/GH5uJ1

St. Augustine Lighthouse, March 17

Bouquets to Rink Design Partnership for demonstrating that architecture can be inspiring, functional and environmentally sound, without breaking the bank.

The University of North Florida’s Student Union, which the firm designed, was included on a list compiled by the Florida Chapter of the American Institute of Architects of Florida’s Top 100 buildings — the only contemporary building in Jacksonville to make the list. The LEED-certified 150,000-square-foot structure was completed in 2009 for a relatively modest $40 million.

Bouquets to Jacksonville City Councilmembers Ray Holt, Bill Guilliford and John Crescimbeni for demanding that JaxPort return a key parcel of land in Mayport when it abandons ferry operations there. The land was given to the port as part of a deal brokered in 2007 in which the port agreed to operate the ferry. However, the deal has always been regarded with suspicion by local residents, since the land in question is essential to the port’s plan to operate a cruise ship terminal on the site.

Brickbats to U.S. Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-Ocala) for being both willfully out of touch with constituents and disdainful about our national parks system. At a recent town hall meeting, Stearns pooh-poohed national parks, saying, “We don’t need more national parks in this country. We need to actually sell off some of our national parks, and try and do what a normal family would do. They wouldn’t ask Uncle Joe for a loan, they would sell their Cadillac, or they would take their kids out of private schools and put them into public schools to save to money.”

Perhaps Stearns needs to meet more “normal families” — the ones without Caddies or private school funds. Watch the video at http://bit.ly/GDoeVH 8 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

Structural Integrity

NewsBuzz

The Florida Association of the American Institute of Architects is asking the public to rank the top 100 examples of Florida architecture, choosing from a list that features an impressive 17 of Jacksonville’s buildings, including the new University of North Florida Student Union. The AIA will rank the buildings by the number of votes received before April 6. Images of the buildings and the voting checklist can be found at aiafltop100.org. Other area buildings on the list include the Haydon Burns Library by Taylor Hardwick, the Gulf Life Tower by Welton Becket, The Florida Theatre by Roy Benjamin, the St. James Building by Henry Klutho, the Unitarian Universalist Church by Robert Broward and two mid-century modern homes by William Morgan.

Shooting Off “GunZoo is a website for shooters by shooters.”

— Motto of the Jacksonvillebased social networking site gunzoo.com. When owning a gun isn’t enough, GunZoo offers a virtual space where firearm aficionados can buy gear, keep up with the latest weapons news and, most important, compare firearms (with pics).

“My job … was to find a better gun.”

— Jacksonville Sheriff John Rutherford, quoted in “Glock: The Rise of America’s Gun,” a new book by Bloomberg Businessweek editor Paul Barrett, and excerpted in the March 9 issue of “The Week.” Barrett documents the rise of the Glock, tracking its slick sales strategies, its embrace by Hollywood and its penetration of police departments, including Jacksonville’s.

Rutherford, though initially skeptical (“It’s plastic! What the hell?” he recalled thinking.

“We don’t want any crap like this.”), ultimately recommended the Glock to replace the department’s traditional Smith & Wesson.

Paycheck Mate

Candy Stand

After 30 years on the job, former Jacksonville University accounting professor Dennis Ratliff received his final paycheck last week, and it was a whopper.

But he had to battle the school to get it.

Ratliff sued the university in 2007, charging he’d been fired, after three decades, in an instance of age discrimination and in violation of his contract. The age discrimination portion of the complaint was tossed, but a jury returned a verdict in favor of Ratliff’s breach of contract claim on Nov. 18 and awarded him $558,183.

“Ultimately he was armed with Skittles. It’s hard to claim self-defense when he was armed with candy and an iced tea.”

— Jacksonville criminal defense attorney Janet Johnson, commenting to First Coast News about the killing of unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin last month in Sanford.

Martin was shot by George Zimmerman, a neighborhood watch volunteer who claims he shot the boy in self-defense. As of last week, Zimmerman had not been charged.

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 9

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Dear Jeff Foxworthy D

ear Jeff Foxworthy: Wm.™ Steven Humpy here — whom I’m sure you’re already very familiar with. I, of course, know you as the creator of the “You know you’re a redneck … ” line of not too funny jokes, the host of “Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” and as the early ’90s version of Larry the Cable Guy. HOWEVER! I heard through the TV grapevine that you’ve been cast in a new gig — as host of a Game Show Network quiz show “The American Bible Challenge” (just starting production). WHOOPTYWHOOP PLAYA, WHAAAA??

According to GSN’s press release, contestants are quizzed on their knowledge of the Bible, while “playing for a worthy faith-based organization.” That last part’s scary, because the goals of most “faith-based organizations” revolve around making life

The total number of actual Bible-thumping, ruin-yourlife Christians in America is like my penis: Loud — but small.

© 2011

FolioWeekly

absolutely unbearable for those who don’t share their faith — BUT I DIGRESS. In the same press release, you said, “[This show is] an opportunity to present the Bible in a fun and entertaining way.”

Jeff Foxworthy? YOUR NEW BIBLE QUIZ SHOW IS STUPID AND DESTINED FOR FAILURE. Why? Because it’s boring as shit, and will appeal only to the “self-satisfied, judgmental Christian” demographic. (Of which © 2011 there are actually fewer than one might think.

The total number of actual Bible-thumping, ruin-your-life Christians in America is like my penis: Loud — but small.)

HOWEVER! Since all I care about is good TV, I’m happy to offer a few FanFREAKINGtastic ideas to make this stinker more watchable. TO WIT: IDEA 1! When a contestant answers incorrectly, he/she falls through a trap door into an actual lake of fire. IDEA 2! The show’s announcer dresses up like Jesus, and sits there loudly chuckling at all of your (Jeff ’s) jokes.

IDEA 3! Add the category “Justify that Bible Quote” in which the contestant has to explain an obviously immoral Bible verse, for example: “Happy those who seize your children and smash them against a rock.” (Psalm 137:9) That’s fawked up, yo. IDEA 4! You (Jeff ) should wear a devil’s outfit and when a contestant answers correctly, you yell, “CURSES! YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN MY HOUSE!” IDEA 5! The second place winner is stuck in Purgatory (i.e., forced to live in an onstage cage with all the past second-place losers until the show is eventually cancelled. Shouldn’t take more than six weeks.) IDEA 6! The winner is lifted via cherry-picker (disguised as a “cloud”) up to “heaven” where someone dressed as “God” shakes the victor’s hand as the credits roll. (Either that, or they can be thrown to the lions. For Christians, “martyrdom” equals “winning.”) IDEA 7! The audience should

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10 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

consist entirely of gays and atheists, who’ll mercilessly heckle you and the contestants until everyone bursts into tears.

Jeff Foxworthy! While I don’t actively wish for anyone to fail (that’s a blatant lie), if you don’t use my fan-freaking-tastic ideas, there’s no way this stupid show is gonna fly. Or as God so aptly put it, “I don’t even exist, and this is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard.”

Sincerely yours, Wm.™ Steven Hump-Me.

TUESDAY, MARCH 27 9:00 FOX NEW GIRL Schmidt and Cece’s secret sexy relationship is discovered, which is tantamount to a nuclear holocaust.

10:00 FX JUSTIFIED Watch Raylan face off against two Detroit hit men!

(Or you know … Wiki it.)

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28 8:30 NBC ARE YOU THERE, CHELSEA? Season finale! It’s probably the final episode for “Are You There, Chelsea?” because we don’t want her to be.

9:00 NBC BENT Charlie’s being bullied at school, which inspires a plan of vengeance from Walt and Screwsie. (I love that name!)

THURSDAY, MARCH 29 8:00 NBC COMMUNITY Abed and Troy fight over who has the best “blanket fort.” Perfectly normal thing for them to do.

10:00 MTV PUNK’D Return! The Ashton Kutcher-helmed prank show is back, replacing annoying Kutcher with other annoying celebs.

FRIDAY, MARCH 30 9:00 CBS CSI:NY Spring premiere! A lab tech is murdered, and the case shares eerie similarities with every other CSI episode you’ve ever seen.

SATURDAY, MARCH 31 8:00 NBC ESCAPE ROUTES Debut! An hour-long car race competition, which is actually an hour-long ad for the Ford Escape.

(GET IT?) 9:00 SYFY SEATTLE SUPERSTORM (Movie) (2012) A goddamn UFO crashes, causing Seattle all sorts of weather problems. (Learn to drive your UFOs, ETs!)

SUNDAY, APRIL 1 8:00 AMC THE KILLING Season premiere! The frustratingly kinda-great show returns, now promising to be 60 percent less frustrating!

9:00 HBO GAME OF THRONES Season premiere! Something something “Seven Kingdoms,” something something “Tyrion.”

MONDAY, APRIL 2 10:00 NBC SMASH The producer wants the writers to come up with a new name for the musical. (“Marilyn-sanity!” is already nixed.)

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey steve@portlandmercury.com

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Dwight Flight

Do you believe in Magic, Dwight Howard? Or just destiny?

O

rlando Magic basketball history is not an especially distinguished thing. The team has often been competitive over the years, but even now, at this late date, the franchise is haunted by a particular year — 1996. That was the year Shaquille O’Neal left Orlando for a free agent deal and international superstardom in Los Angeles.

2012 reminds me a lot of 1996, and not just because a weak Republican nominee is going to take on a sitting Democratic president.

In both of these years, we have watched an Orlando Magic center all but talk his way out of town. From the beginning of the 2011-’12 NBA season, a central preoccupation for Magic fans and the media has been whether Dwight Howard would stay or go.

Shaq set the ugly precedent for this drama. It wasn’t just that he left Orlando the first chance he got to sign a free agent deal. It was the way he left that rankled and ultimately traumatized the organization, creating an impression that the Magic was a second-rate franchise in a third-tier city. The money quote from Shaq: “I feel like a big fish in a dying pond.”

We here in Jacksonville can relate, with our Super Bowl effort still evoking national derision almost a decade later. A major league sports franchise doesn’t necessarily mean that a city is big time. Let’s face it, there are only so many cities like New York, L.A., Chicago, Boston or D.C. And none of them — with the exception of cosmopolitan Miami — is in Florida.

It could be argued that part of the reason Shaq was stuck in a “dying pond” was because he stirred up so much crap in it. He ran one coach out of town in favor of then-assistant Brian Hill, saying folks didn’t respect him.

Then, just a couple of seasons after Hill got the gig, Shaq turned on him, too, saying players didn’t respect Hill. Word in the media was that an alleged precondition that might have made Shaq re-sign with the Magic depended on Hill being canned. Then it turned out public opinion was against Shaq. Orlando wasn’t happy, claimed a poll, with the contract he wanted (and got from the Lakers). Nor was the city happy that Shaq wanted to run Hill out of town. 1996 was a different time. People still believed that authority was legitimate. People still believed in hierarchical chains of command.

Fast-forward to 2012, and you won’t have missed very much Magic history. As any sentient hoops fan knows, the Magic finally filled the void Shaq left at center with Dwight

Howard. Trouble is, no one is more aware of that than Howard. So, as happens when employees know they have leverage, Howard has exploited it, handling negotiations for this is a copyright protected pro the last few months through media leaks. At various points, we’ve heard that Dwight was going, or that he’d not go if he got a say in who For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 032712 the coach would be, or he was demanding a FAX PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 trade, or he wanted to play forYOUR the Clippers or the Heat — nice frontrunning there.

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Howard said he’s staying in Orlando for the sake of “loyalty,” but as Dwyane Wade of the Heat tweeted during the Magic center’s presser: “loyalty hahahahaha.” uniform next year. The NBA trade deadline, amazingly, came and went without Howard being moved. And Howard agreed to stay in Orlando for one more season after this one.

All of that is wonderful news — assuming you believe in a management style that allows your employees to run their mouths and try to talk their way out of one town and contract into another one.

Howard said he’s staying in Orlando for the sake of “loyalty,” but as Dwyane Wade of the Heat tweeted during the Magic center’s presser: “loyalty hahahahaha.” Wade knows what’s up.

Howard is only loyal to himself. Which is not, in and of itself, problematic. Ayn Rand would approve. And the Magic may be happy not to lose its franchise center, in the short term at least. But we know they’ll be having the same discussions in about 12 months. Will Howard invoke “loyalty” again? Time will tell.

© 2012

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hey look like a pod of sleeping white whales at 5:30 on this cold Thursday morning.

Then, one by© one,2012 yellow eyes start blinking. Jacksonville’s all-white garbage trucks are firing up in the motor pool, roused by drivers preparing to feed the diesel beasts vast quantities of fresh garbage.

Just next door to this city complex on the city’s Westside, Jacksonville Sheriff ’s Officers gas up their cruisers before patrolling the dark and often dangerous streets. But the men riding the garbage trucks are more likely to be killed on the job than the men in the cruisers.

Garbage/recycling collector was the seventhmost fatal occupation in the country in 2010, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Police patrolman ranks 10th.

About 20 men — all of them black, all wearing screaming yellow reflective jackets — leave the warm Solid Waste building and head toward their rides. Driver Eric Carter hops into the cab of No. 3193 with so-called garbage “helpers” Billy Pinckney and Samuel Turner Jr., and heads off for a neighborhood north of downtown. This will be one of their messier routes, not like their Monday run through Avondale, where the garbage is as tidy as the RAP houses.

At a residential section of Union Street, Pinckney and Turner leave the cab and speedwalk to garbage cans on the left and right.

Black bags fly into the hopper at the back of the truck. Carter steers the white whale into receiving position as the team moves down the street, absolutely hustling. As with all garbage men these days, they work at “day rate,” meaning the sooner they finish their route, the sooner they get off work. It’s the best perk of the job, with job security a close second.

Used to be that a garbage man had the perk of getting to take home the occasional great finds others threw away. “Not anymore,” says Carter. Today, the workers are prohibited from taking anything off a trash pile. “Last Tuesday, someone threw out a whole closetful

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of brand new clothes,” Carter notes. “It all went to the landfill.”

Sometimes workers find unwanted surprises, like paint cans in plastic bags, syringes and medical waste illegally trashed.

Eric Carter’s pet peeve: “You pull the top off the can and there’s a dog,” he says. “That scares you — you don’t know if it’s dead or alive.” (For the record, trashing pets, living or dead, is illegal.)

Carter backs the truck down the dead end of Franklin Street as the bright white EverBank Field sign lights up the pre-dawn horizon.

Pinckney and Turner run in front of the truck’s reverse path, visible to Carter in the mirrors.

They start grabbing cans and tossing bags as the truck changes direction and pulls out, the maneuver resembling MoJo busting up the middle on a draw play.

Garbage men have fans, too. When Carter and helpers pull up to one house, a young boy rushes out the front door to the trash cans,

“When I first started as a helper, it took me a long time to get used to the smell — a long time,” says Carter. “I couldn’t eat. It messed up my sense of smell, sense of taste. When you get on the back of that truck, you’ll lose some weight. Happens to everybody.”

More Than One Way to Stuff a Hefty

Most of Northeast Florida’s garbage trucks are financed through Enterprise Funds, meaning their costs are covered by fees residents pay, primarily through charges tacked onto property tax bills. But each solid waste authority takes a different approach to managing trash.

The city of Jacksonville only operates trucks in the original pre-consolidation city boundaries, and contracts out the majority of Duval County to three different companies.

“When I first started as a helper, it took me a long time to get used to the smell. I couldn’t eat. When you get on the back of that truck, you’ll lose some weight.” his mom watching from the porch. He talks excitedly with Pinckney and Turner as they heave his family’s garbage into the maw. The kid pitches in a small box, glad to help. He waves goodbye as his garbage idols make a running jump onto the back of the moving truck. They hang on for half-a-block, leaning out to catch a lung-full of cold, clean air.

A bouquet of decay always trails the truck and smothers their faces, a fusion of everything foul to the olfactory sense. Take sour milk, mix with putrid fish guts, add a dash of vomit, a whiff of bad meat, some odious molds and the rottenegg smell of hydrogen sulfide gas created by decaying organic matter, and you have the aroma of fresh garbage. A cold day depresses the smell, a hot, humid day magnifies it to sensory pain.

Private haulers handle most of Nassau, Clay and St. Johns counties, trucking the garbage to private landfills in Georgia. Some towns, like Jacksonville Beach, Atlantic Beach, Green Cove Springs and Fernandina Beach, handle their own garbage, mostly contracting it out to private haulers. St. Augustine and Orange Park handle their own collections, for now.

“At one time, we operated our own trucks and landfill, but we no longer do either of those things,” says St. Johns County Director of Public Works Joe Stephenson. “It’s financially beneficial to the county to contract that work out. The contractors make money at it, but we benefit from their economies of scale.”

In St. Johns County, Advanced Disposal collects from half the county and Republic’s

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this is a copyright protected pro For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 031312 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 subsidiary Seaboard Waste Systems collects the other half. Waste Management manages the county’s transfer station and trucks all garbage to its private Georgia landfill. Governments pay fees to contractors based on the amount of garbage collected, transporting it to the landfill, and tipping fees to dump it in a landfill.

Jacksonville’s Trail Ridge Landfill is the only government-operated landfill in the area.

Governments regularly examine the possibility of bringing waste management back in-house. In St. Johns County, at least, Stephenson says the numbers always favor contracting with private companies that handle lots of garbage from many areas. The county often plays one contractor against another.

“I am a bid-it-out kind of guy. I like to see

St. Johns County’s Joe Stephenson calls the DEP’s recycling ratio of 75 percent “a wonderful and lofty objective. But,” he adds, “it’s also going to cost someone a fistful of dollars.”

it all and it came in less than what a resident promise of benefit would pay for that privately.”

Clay County isn’t as nimble as private companies because it’s limited by law regarding the procurement process and labor issues.

“Our hands are tied sometimes, we can’t get the same lowest bid they can get,” explains Altman. “For example, we can’t do the hardcore negotiations they can in buying 10 new trucks. And private companies can do things more efficiently with employees.”

Clay County also utilizes a transfer station, where garbage arrives in trucks and is loosely sorted before it goes out in semis to its private landfill. The operation, which takes place in a large, three-walled shed, is not unlike dumping your garbage on the kitchen floor to look for a lost ring. A spotter on a front loader pushes the pile of dumped garbage around. “We probably get 20 to 25 loads a day, and the state requires some spotting,” says Altman, through the everpresent aroma of rot. “The spotter’s looking for tires, paint, batteries, biological and medical waste. Those can’t go into the landfill. The more problematic items are ammunition, propane tanks, things that are dangerous.”

Other things are dangerous, too, including trucks in a hurry or helpers hopping on and off a moving truck (which is strictly verboten).

Altman says it’s not uncommon for a county agent to follow a truck surreptitiously to make sure the truck services its route correctly, and safely. “These companies pay their employees a day rate,” says Altman. “When they finish the route, they go home. That can cause problems sometimes.”

But Advanced Disposal, the 11-year-old Jacksonville-based company that ended 2010 with $321.8 million in revenue, preaches safety like a TV evangelist. It starts at about 5 every morning. AD Trainer and Compliance Manager Breon Hare, a big man who looks as if he could push the garbage to the front of the truck with his bare hands, runs through the pre-route safety check drivers do on their $250,000 Mac trucks outfitted with a McNeilus garbage package. “They check all lights, tire treads, hydraulics, fluids, all operational elements,” he says. “During the route, you want to keep the loader part in the back clean. If not, it can mess up operations.”

Hare rattles off other safety measures.

Dump the hopper regularly so the garbage pile isn’t too high for the helper to reach. Use proscribed hand signals to communicate.

Never move the truck if your helpers aren’t in clear view via the mirrors. No riding on the back if the truck is going more than 10 mph or farther than .2 miles.

things go to the marketplace for revalidation,” says Stephenson. He notes that companies, eager to have contracts extended without rebidding, sweeten the deal by foregoing annual adjustments, or increasing the number of items they recycle. Competitors feel compelled to match the deal, he says, and the county wins.

Nassau County takes a different approach, letting the free market rule. “The county doesn’t have any involvement with it,” says Director of Public Works J. Scott Herring. “I, as an individual property owner, can contract with whomever I chose to get rid of my garbage, whether that’s Advanced Disposal or my neighbor Joe down the street.”

Herring says the hands-off system works well for his mostly rural county. Residents can take their garbage to a convenience center at the closed landfill site, and dump it there for free, a practice on the rise in these tough times.

Outside Green Cove Springs in offices next to the capped Rosemary Hill landfill, Environmental Services Director Alan Altman presides over Clay County’s garbage. Altman, who started working for the county out of high school and resembles a grown-up, thinned-down Bobby from “King of The Hill,” says the county didn’t get into the collection business until 2007.

“We felt it was easier to manage our own program, and if we could get all residents involved, we could cut the costs,” says Altman.

“It’s not efficient to have a truck going down one road and only picking up from a few houses. We put out a “[We’re] looking for tires, paint, batteries, ammunition,” says Clay County’s bid for a company to handle Environmental Services Director Alan Altman.

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Of course, no safety program is perfect — as evidenced by city of Jacksonville helpers jumping on their moving truck, or an Advanced Disposal truck observed lumbering by at 20 mph with the helper hanging tight on the back. But Mary O’Brien, chief marketing officer for Advanced Disposal, says private garbage firms typically have better safety records than governmental departments. And while AD doesn’t release its injury statistics, she says their record is measurably better than city’s rate of 1 injury per 60,000 work hours.

“The most serious accident we had recently involved a rear loader and the whole texting and driving issue,” says O’Brien. “The biggest thing is, people aren’t patient, they try to go around our trucks with oncoming traffic,” explains O’Brien.

Garbage men (there appear to be no garbage women, though some are drivers) can also injure themselves, like getting an arm caught in the hopper blade. “The industry doesn’t have a great track record, and in the last five years, we have gotten to a size where trial lawyers look at us as a target,” says AD’s O’Brien. “We’ve put a lot of effort into safety.”

Pay As You Throw Recycling collectors face the same safety issues as garbage collectors. And if the state Department of Environmental Protection has its way, they’ll be a lot busier in coming years.

Though the department’s call to recycle 75 percent of the solid waste stream is a toothless proclamation, some are taking it seriously.

Others, not so much.

Recycling saves valuable landfill space and costs. It can also generate revenue — at least in times when recycling commodity markets pay decent returns, which is not the case now, except for aluminum.© One2012 of the prime ways DEP suggests local governments up their recycling ratio is to implement a Pay As You Throw (PAYT) system, which requires people who produce more garbage to pay more — a pricing system similar to electric and water bills.

Gainesville has had a PAYT system since 1994, and Joni Rollen, who manages the program, recommends the approach. The city distributes four different-sized garbage carts; the larger the cart, the larger the monthly bill. “There’s no reason why the same thing wouldn’t work in any municipal area,” she says.

“If the incentives are good, it will work. And money talks.”

No haulers in Northeast Florida have a PAYT plan in place, and none intends to start one up. Only recently did free-market Nassau County even begin offering recycling pickup, and then only because Advanced Disposal offered it to their garbage customers.

“I’m sure they’ve done their analysis and it’s a good business decision,” says Nassau Public Works Director Herring. As far as PAYT, Herring hasn’t heard of it.

St. Johns County’s Stephenson calls the DEP’s recycling ratio an unfunded mandate.

“Somebody in the great city of Tallahassee decided that we should recycle 75 percent of our materials,” he says. “I think that’s a wonderful and lofty objective. But it’s also going to cost someone a fistful of dollars. And they’re not sending any of those our way. How they cause us to reach that [75 percent] remains to be seen.”

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14 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

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“It’s a harsh environment of methane and hydrogen sulfide gas. Equipment wears out fast, you’re always updating and repairing it.”

Clay County’s Altman says the legislature will have to expand what counts toward recycling, noting that Clay is grinding up leaves and limbs to add nutrients into soil used at old mining sites and providing cover at landfills.

“That’s recycling,” he argues. “So it’s a matter of them allowing us to count that.”

Altman doesn’t believe the Pay As You Throw plan will produce the desired results, and may encourage scofflaws. City of Jacksonville Acting Director of Public Works Jeff Beck seconds that. “If you have a real heavy item to throw away and you’re going to be charged for it, it’s going to ‘fall off ’ your pickup truck on the side of a road,” says Beck. “We’re not looking at Pay As You Throw at this point.”

But Beck believes the city will be able to achieve DEP’s recycling goal of 75 percent by 2020. As of 2009, the last year complete numbers were compiled and reported to DEP, the city was recycling approximately 45 percent.

The city is discussing ways to increase that number, including introducing a wheeled recycling container that will make hauling the blue bins easier. A new recycling facility opening later this year should increase the number of recyclable items. And the city is exploring ways to turn organic waste into soil additives and pelletized fuel. They’re also exploring a segregation facility at the landfill for catching materials that people put in garbage instead of in the recycling bin.

Though that probably won’t mean a horde of garbage pickers, as featured in the documentary “Waste Land” (http://to.pbs.org/ wIencx), it’s an example of how solid waste managers are trying to offset the tendency of many potential recyclers to simply not bother.

Of course, the city could help itself by requiring multi-unit condos and apartments — home to about a quarter of the city’s population — to offer recycling, which many don’t. That’s a lot

of paper and plastic going right into the city’s massive Trail Ridge Landfill.

Riding the Ridge Located off U.S. 301 near Baldwin, Trail Ridge towers above the pine forest like a huge Mayan pyramid. Fat yellow Caterpillars creep along the top, pushing and smashing garbage under steel-studded wheels, partially shaded by a flickering white canopy of seagulls, which love garbage. So do vultures, bald eagles, rats and other varmints.

It really is a “ridge,” the remains of oceanfront sand dunes from the Eocene epoch about 35 million years ago. It’s much taller now; Florida’s mountain that will top out at 330 feet.

The view is great, particularly of the DuPont mine next door, where they extract ilmenite and rutile ore for titanium. Deer, hogs and turkey are plentiful and prized by hunting clubs that ring Trail Ridge, and part of the 978-acre site is wetlands. In one section, vapors rise into cold air as if from a peaceful lake. Actually, it’s a borrow pit, with the top of a crane just visible under the surface. It was trapped on the bottom of the pit and water has since covered it up.

Trail Ridge is a massive operation (though just medium-sized as landfills go) handling up to 3,000 tons a day. The more garbage in, the better the economics, which is why when the city’s “franchise detectives” caught one of its contractors hauling Duval garbage to a cheaper landfill, the city made them haul an equal amount of garbage from another county to Trail Ridge to make up for it. One can see why Waste Management is getting $305.5 million to manage it for the next 26 years, Mayor John Peyton’s no-bid parting gift that continues to keep on giving.

Jeff Foster, the city’s acting director of Solid Waste, points out the 22-acre area that’s being closed and says the current 144-acre active site

Driver Eric Carter’s pet peeve is pulling off a trash can lid and finding a dog. “It scares you — You don’t know if it’s dead or alive.”

has about five years more capacity left. They’re beginning to site the next stage.

A caravan of garbage trucks spirals up terraced roads and dumps their loads, which are eyeballed by two spotters from a tower. (A wayward tire will cost the contractor $13.89).

The trash is then crushed and covered with six inches of dirt at day’s end. “Dirt provides odor and vector control [sanitary engineers call rats and birds ‘vectors’],” says Foster. “And it starts the degradation process.” Last year, the city spent $2.7 million on cover dirt, but will save about $5 million from the new borrow pits it’s opened.

Everything partially degrades at Trail Ridge, from the cereal box that could’ve been recycled to the huge vacuum blowers that move

Duval County

methane gas. “You’re constantly re-engineering at a landfill due to the water and the garbage crushing down compromising wells and pipes,” says Foster. “It’s a harsh environment of methane and hydrogen sulfide gas. Equipment wears out fast, you’re always updating and repairing it.”

After passing the flame that burns off the methane, and the silos that catch and hold the liquid runoff or lechate, the landfill tour officially concludes. The last tour group to come through was a group of Saudi nationals getting landfill pointers from Jacksonville, making one wonder: What’s worse, working at Trail Ridge in August or at a landfill in the Arabian Desert?

© 2012

Garbage Facts

Solid Waste Budget $46 million Annual residential fee for garbage/recycling $151.80 Average annual waste per household 1 ton Average annual recycling per household 180 pounds Cost per ton of residential garbage handled $123 Recycling revenue FY 2010-’11 $959,000 Households served 259,678 (by COJ, Advanced Disposal, Southland Waste, Waste Pro) Not included: Atlantic Beach, Jax Beach, Neptune Beach, Baldwin.

Clay County Annual residential fee for garbage/recycling $223 Annual garbage per person 715 pounds Average annual recycling per person 61 pounds Recycling revenue FY 2010-’11 $300,000 (apx.)

Semi truckloads to Georgia landfi ll 4,891 (includes commercial) Households served (by Advanced Disposal) 60,853 Not included: Green Cove Springs, Keystone Heights, Orange Park, Penney Farms

Nassau County Annual residential garbage Private company collected 43,025 tons Taken to convenience center 1,110 tons Annual residential garbage fee (private contract/Advanced Disposal) $300 (apx.)

Annual residential recycling (taken to convenience centers) 410 tons Recycling loss FY 2010-’11 $100,000 Not included: Callahan, Fernandina, Hilliard

St. Johns County FY 2011 Solid waste budget $17,315,147 Household garbage/recycling fee $222 Average garbage per household 1,760 pounds Average recycling per household 340 pounds Cost of residential disposal per ton $72.56 Recycling loss $2,249,546 (contractors own and sell recycled materials) Households served 65,545 Not included: St. Augustine Beach, St. Augustine (St. Augustine reports recycling as 10 percent of residential solid waste.)

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16 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

Reasons to leave the house this week ART A BRUSH WITH NATURE

“A Brush with Nature, A Plein Air Painting Invitational”, is held from Thur., March 29 through Sat., March 31 at Jacksonville Arboretum & Gardens, 1445 Millcoe Road, and gives nature and art lovers alike the chance to roam the park’s 120 woodland acres as 37 local artists (including Jim Draper, Lyn Asselta, Randy Pitts, Larry Davis and Kristin Hosbein) capture the surroundings “en plein air” (or “in open air”). Demonstrations, music, kid-friendly fare and even periodic QR codes featuring yoga instructions by Olympic medalist Shannon Miller are included. The event culminates in a gala reception and sale of the paintings on March 31 from 7-9 p.m. at Wells Fargo Center, 1 Independent Drive, downtown. A Plein Air Painting event is free; the gala is $60. 641-1009. abrushwithnature.org

JAZZ

COUNTRY SUZY BOGGUSS

Country singer-songwriter Suzy Bogguss started out on the Midwest coffeehouse circuit before heading to Nashville, where she eventually worked as the first featured female performer at Dollywood. In the ’80s and ’90s, Bogguss sold platinum and gold albums, collaborated with artists Chet Atkins, Lee Greenwood Alison Krauss and Crosby, Stills and Nash and earned both CMA and Grammy Awards. Her latest project is a homecoming of sorts — a CD and companion book “American Folk Songbook,” which explore the traditional music that inspired her as a child. Suzy Bogguss performs on Fri., March 30 at 7 p.m. at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $38. 209-0399.

DEE DEE BRIDGEWATER

Grammy-winning vocalist Dee Dee Bridgewater has enjoyed a four-decade career that’s included creative runs with the Thad Jones-Mel Lewis Jazz Orchestra, Sonny Rollins, Dizzy Gillespie and Rahsaan Roland Kirk. Bridgewater is also a Tony-winning Broadway vet, appearing in “The Wiz,” “Sophisticated Ladies” and “Lady Day” (as Billie Holiday). Bridgewater celebrates the life and legacy of Holiday with the concert “To Billie with Love: A Celebration of Lady Day,” on Sat., March 31 at 8 p.m. at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $40.

632-5555.

CHALLENGE TOUR DE PAIN

Sencame

Northeast Florida fitness freaks looking for competition (like the surprisingly muscle-bound staff here at Folio Weekly) can accept the challenge of the Tour De Pain Extreme 10K, which tests even the heartiest athlete’s ability in running three races in a 24-hour period. Yikes! On Sat., March 31, the 10K begins at 7 a.m. and the 5K starts at 7 p.m. and on Sun., April 1, the half-marathon begins at 7 a.m., all at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, downtown. Live music and food and drink are also featured. Registration fees start at $35. 731-3676, 353-1188.

1stplacesports.com/extreme.html

SPORTS BASEBALL

Spring is here and it’s time to play ball! Locals break out the baseball caps and summon up some serious team spirit when the University of Florida Gators take on the Florida State Seminoles on Tue., March 27 at 7 p.m. at the Baseball Grounds, 301 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $8.50-$28.50.

633-6100.

JAKE SHIMABUKURO

They say good things come in small packages, and in the case of ukulele shredder Jake Shimabukuro, that is most certainly true. The 35-year-old has revolutionized the miniature four-string instrument of his native Hawaii, while wowing audiences and critics alike with a musical blend of jazz, rock, classical, traditional Hawaiian music, folk and even rock in live performance and on albums like his latest, “Peace Love Ukulele.” After becoming a viral video hit with his version of fellow “uke”-devotee George Harrison’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” Shimabukuro has performed with artists like Jimmy Buffett and wracked up several Na Hoku Hanohano Awards, the Hawaiian counterpart of the Grammy.

Jake Shimabukuro performs on Fri., March 30 at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25. 355-2787.

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 17

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Coppin’ an Attitude: Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum better call in for backup in their latest criminally bad movie.

Choad to Nowhere

The latest humorless comedy featuring Jonah Hill is a real kick in the crotch 21 Jump Street *G@@

Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

T

©

18 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

he operative word in “21 Jump Street” is “dick.” Imagine any combination of words that might employ the term, and rest assured it gets used in the movie — probably more than once. In addition to the verbal witticisms, the film uses numerous sight gags to further our appreciation of dicks, dickheads and the like.

For instance, Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, playing two bonehead cops Jenko and Schmidt, respectively, celebrate their first arrest by delightedly humping their luckless, prostrate victim. The film concludes with another visual elaboration on “dicks” when a character gets his shlong blown off by Schmidt (Hill).

Understandably upset at the loss of his errant member, the whiner begs someone to please pick it up for him. When no one’s willing to oblige, he’s forced to pick it up with his mouth.

Such is the humor of “21 Jump Street,” the weekend’s box-office champ with an impressive $35 million opening and a mostly positive critical response. One fairly reputable magazine even deemed the gross-out action/ comedy “charming.”

2011 I just don’t get it. But then again, I hated “Wanderlust” and “Project X” whose approach to comedy was similarly by way of the groin.

I will concede that “21 Jump Street” is better than either of those, but just barely. And that’s basically because of Channing Tatum who, quite unexpectedly, demonstrates a nice comic touch. His costar Hill, despite a deserved Oscar nomination for “Moneyball,” is mostly back in the “The Sitter”/“Superbad” mode.

The influence of Jonah Hill is all over the film, in fact. In addition to serving as executive producer (along with Tatum), the now somewhat slimmer actor gets credit for the story, too. Reportedly, it was also Hill who convinced Tatum to take on a comic role, something formerly as alien as Shakespeare to the hunky star of “The Vow” and “Step Up.” The impetus for the new film, of course,

FolioWeekly

was the popular ’80s cop show, which made a star of Johnny Depp. The TV version of “21 Jump Street” was actually an update of “The Mod Squad,” a ’60s series about similarly hip undercover cops. If anyone remembers, there was a 1999 big-screen version of “The Mod Squad” with Claire Danes and Omar Epps which failed to ignite any enthusiasm whatsoever. So it’s not too surprising that Jonah Hill, like Seth Rogen in “The Green Hornet” last year, would resort to comedy and parody in the latest rehash of a TV icon.

The movie opens with a high school prologue introducing Schmidt and Jenko as teenagers. Schmidt’s a brainy dweeb, Jenko’s a dumb jock. Fast-forward a few years to the police academy, where the two have become friends and equally inept screwups. Assigned to the Jump Street division, which is housed in a Korean Christian church with Ice Cube as foul-mouthed Captain Dickson(!), Schmidt and Jenko return undercover to high school in order to stop the flow of a potent new drug.

Through a series of unlikely mistakes, ex-jock Jenko ends up friends with the techno geeks while Schmidt’s assigned the role of Peter Pan in the school’s drama production.

The usual ensues: a wild party replete with drugs, sex and booze; the requisite car chase; and a final shootout, in which the violence inexplicably turns very graphic. And a very big star turns in a surprising cameo that’s quite odd in tone, to say the least.

There is nothing subtle in the script by Michael Bacall, though the revisiting of high school days almost has its moments. An uneven writer, Bacall was on target with “Scott Pilgrim vs. the World” but stunk badly with “Project X.” Equally unbalanced in the film is the direction by Chris Miller and Phil Lord, whose only such prior production was the wonderful animated feature, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs,” which demonstrated far more imagination and humor within the confines of a PG rating than the very R-rated “21 Jump Street.”

Humor is a matter of taste, of course.

And maybe I’m just being a dick. But I don’t think so.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

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March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 19

FILM RATINGS **** DR. SEUSS ***@ DR. SARDONICUS **@@ DR. FEELGOOD *@@@ DR. SCHOLL’S

NOW SHOWING

ACT OF VALOR **G@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This action film tells the story of Bandito Platoon, an elite team of Navy SEALs sent on a global manhunt to topple a deadly terrorist plot and save a CIA operative who’s been kidnapped. Roselyn Sanchez, Nestor Serrano and actual Navy SEALs star in this patriotic thriller.

AGENT VINOD **@@ Not Rated • AMC Regency Square This Bollywood spy film from writer-director Sriram Raghavan stars Saif Ali Khan as the title character; it’s about his global adventure in avenging the murder of a colleague.

THE ARTIST ***@ Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Pot Belly’s, Regal Avenues Oscar winner “The Artist” is director Michel Hazanavicius’ expertly rendered tale of 1927 silent film star George Valentin’s (Jean Dujardin) personal and professional life, at the advent of talkies. Co-starring Bérénice Bejo, Penelope Ann Miller and Missi Pyle, it’s shot in black-and-white with no dialogue.

CASA DE MI PADRE **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, Regal Beach Blvd.

This deadpan Spanish-language comedy stars Will Ferrell, Gael García Bernal, Génesis Rodríguez Pérez and Diego Luna.

Filmed in the popular telenova style of Latin American cinema, the deadpan parody from director Matt Piedmont, a former SNL writer, is about Armando Alvarez’ (Ferrell) struggle to save the family ranch and his battle with drug lord Onza (Bernal).

CHRONICLE ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency This sci-fi film from writer-director Josh Trank and co-writer Max Landis follows the misadventures of teens (Dane DeHaan, Alex Russell, Michael B. Jordan) documentary-style, with “found” footage allegedly retrieved from their video cameras.

After they develop telekinetic powers, the laughs die down and the body count rises when the troubled Andrew (DeHaan) decides to use his powers for darker purposes.

DR. SEUSS’ THE LORAX **G@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., WGV IMAX Theater The animated adaptation of Theodor Geisel’s work features the voices of Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Ed Helms and Danny DeVito. In Thneedville, everything’s made of plastic and teenager Audrey (Swift) wants to see a real tree. When smitten 12-year-old Ted (Efron) accepts the challenge, he meets The Once-ler (Helms) who tells the story of The Lorax (DeVito) and the fate of the trees. While the movie benefits from deft animation and good performances, its heavy-handed environmental tone is more like a distraction, especially for younger viewers.

FRIENDS WITH KIDS **@@ Rated R • Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE *@@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues Nicolas Cage continues his successful campaign of starring in a movie every two weeks in this silly sequel to the ’07 film based on the Marvel Comic. Johnny Blaze (Cage) must rescue Satan’s (Ciarán Hinds) preteen son Danny (Fergus Riordan) with the help of cycle-riding priest Moreau (Idris Elba). Throw in tattooed monks (led by Christopher Lambert) and some over-the-top special effects, and you have a film that leaves a fiery sensation right in the ass of any discerning movie lover.

GOOD DEEDS **G@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues The latest from Oprah-sanctioned auteur Tyler Perry is about wealthy businessman Wesley Deeds (Perry) whose priorities begin to change when he becomes involved with struggling single mother, Lindsey (Thandie Newton), who’s just been evicted. Co-stars Jamie Kennedy and Rebecca Romijn.

20 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

THE HUNGER GAMES ***G Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., Sun-Ray Cinema The much-anticipated adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ wildly popular young adult novel stars Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”), Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth. In a postapocalyptic world, a dystopian country called Panem (where North America once existed) holds an annual, televised event “The Hunger Games,” in which adolescents ages 12-18 are forced to fight to the death. Author Collins also produced and wrote the screenplay for the heavily hyped sci-fi action film.

JOHN CARTER **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This mega-budget, big-screen blow-up of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ sci-fi story takes cues from predecessors “Star Wars,” “Avatar” and even “Gladiator” but somehow misses the mark. During the Civil War, soldier John Carter (Taylor Kitsch) mysteriously wakes up on the planet Mars, where he encounters warring tribes and costars Lynn Collins, Dominic West and Mark Strong. After nearly two hours of director Andrew Stanton’s (“Sherlock Holmes”) paint-by-numbers space opera action, we wish Carter would go back to sleep!

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Josh Hutcherson, Dwayne Johnson, Luiz Guzman and Michael “I needed the money, mate” Caine star in this family-geared film about a teenager’s adventure on a remote island in the South Pacific.

OCTOBER BABY **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues This faith-based flick from Andrew and Jon Erwin is about Hannah (Rachel Hendrix), a 19-year-old who finds out she was adopted — after surviving an abortion attempt — and her road trip that leads to a little soul searching.

PROJECT X *@@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This needless teen raunchfest trades the original humor and dialogue that made “Superbad” so enjoyable and instead replaces it with a stream of unoriginal standards of the genre i.e. booze, drugs and topless women. Filmed on handycam, “Project X” features a cast of virtual unknowns and after this lame excuse for a comedy they will surely remain that way.

RAMPART ***G Rated R • Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Woody Harrelson stars in this powerful crime-drama about a corrupt L.A. cop who’s reckless in his personal life. Costarring Anne Heche, Cynthia Nixon, Steve Buscemi, Ned Beatty, Ice Cube and Robin Wright.

SAFE HOUSE ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds star in this predictable action flick from director Paul Greengrass (the “Bourne” films). Rookie CIA operative Matt Weston (Reynolds) has finally hit the big time after nabbing rogue agent Tobin Frost (Washington). But when killer mercenaries attack the agency’s South African “safe house,” Matt and Tobin are on the run — and Matt learns justice and loyalty aren’t guaranteed.

SILENT HOUSE ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen) decides to help her father John (Adam Trese) and Uncle Peter (Eric Sheffer Stevens) pack up some things from the family country home. But after her uncle leaves and her father’s mysteriously injured, Sarah is left alone in the dark, rambling house filled with things that go bump on the night and sinister secrets. The innovative, atmospheric creep-fest from the husband-and-wife writerdirector team of Chris Kentis and Laura Lau is actually a remake of 2010’s “La Casa Muda,” but the pair should be applauded for introducing an original, truly scary addition to the usual gore-porn of current American horror films.

THIS MEANS WAR **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic

Armando (Will Ferrell), Manuel (Adrian Martinez) and Esteban (Efren Ramirez) perform the traditional Mexican folk song, “En la Memoria de la Elizabeth Reed,” in “Casa de Mi Padre,” Ferrell’s latest Spanish-language comedy that parodies the popular telenova film genre of Latin America.

AREA THEATERS AMELIA ISLAND Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., 261-9867 ARLINGTON & REGENCY AMC Regency 24, 9451 Regency Square Blvd., 264-3888 BAYMEADOWS & MANDARIN Regal Avenues 20, 9525 Philips Highway, 538-3889 BEACHES Regal Beach Blvd. 18, 14051 Beach Blvd., 992-4398 FIVE POINTS Sun-Ray Cinema@5Points, 1028 Park St., 359-0047 NORTHSIDE Hollywood River City 14, River City Marketplace, 12884 City Center Blvd., 757-9880 Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This lightweight rom-com stars Chris Pine and Tom Hardy as two CIA agents locked into a heated contest over the affections of Reese Witherspoon. A superficial story and mediocre performances from the cast make “This Means War” a pointless crusade for those questing quality entertainment.

A THOUSAND WORDS **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Fast-talking literary agent Jack McCall (Eddie Murphy) wakes up one morning and discovers a beautiful magic tree in his backyard. The only problem with the new landscaping is that chatty Jack discovers that every time he says a word, a leaf dies. And when the last leaf drops (a thousand, to be exact), Jack’s a goner! Kerry Washington, Cliff Curtis and Clark Duke also star in this latest comedy from funnyman Murphy.

21 JUMP STREET *G@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Amelia Island, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

THE VOW **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The rom-com genre hits bottom with this silly sentimental tripe about a woman (Rachel McAdams) who suffers amnesia after a head injury. Now her hubby (Channing Tatum) tries his damnedest to love her all over again and remind her that true love is never forgotten — unless, of course, it’s delivered through 90 minutes of gushy drivel from director Michael Sucsy. Jessica Lange and Sam Neill climb aboard for this hardly promising cinematic snooze ride.

WANDERLUST *@@@ Rated R • San Marco Theatre Paul Rudd and Jennifer Aniston star in this directionless exercise in “city slicker”-style comedy as a couple of Manhattan urbanites who (ahem) wander into a hippie enclave in Georgia. Justin Theroux, Alan Alda and Malin Akerman costar in the latest from director David Wain (“Role Models.”)

THE WOMAN IN BLACK ***@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Regency Square, Regal Avenues Daniel Radcliffe plays recently widowed attorney Arthur who goes to a remote British village to settle a dead woman’s account. He meets eccentric locals and a murderous spirit known as The Woman in Black. Ciarán Hinds and Misha Handley co-star in director James Watkins’ spooky picture.

ORANGE PARK AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Road, (888) AMC-4FUN Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., 621-0221 SAN MARCO San Marco Theatre, 1996 San Marco Blvd., 396-4845 SOUTHSIDE Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., 998-2122 ST. AUGUSTINE Epic Theatres, 112 Theatre Drive, 797-5757 IMAX Theater, World Golf Village, 940-IMAX Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., 829-3101

OTHER FILMS

SUN-RAY CINEMA “The Hunger Games” is currently running at Sun-Ray Cinema@5 Points, 1028 Park St., Jacksonville.

Call 359-0047 for showtimes. sunraycinema.com POT BELLY’S CINEMA “Albert Nobbs,” “The Artist,” “Carnage,” “The Iron Lady” and “My Week With Marilyn” are shown at Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine. 829-3101.

WGHOF IMAX THEATER “The Hunger Games” is screened along with “Forces of Nature,” “Legends of Flight 3D,” “Rescue 3D,” “The Wildest Dream: Conquest of Everest,” “Born To Be Wild 3D” and “Hubble 3D” at World Golf Hall of Fame Village, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. 940-IMAX. worldgolfimax.com

NEW ON DVD & BLU-RAY

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO Director David Fincher’s American remake of the immensely popular mystery series from ’01 stars Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara and Christopher Plummer in the story of a disgraced journalist and misfit hacker who join forces to solve a 40-year-old missing persons case.

TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY This cinematic adaptation of John Le Carré’s classic Cold War-era espionage novel moves along nicely on the strengths of a bulletproof screenplay by Peter Straughan and Bridget O’Connor and tight direction from Tomas Alfredson (’08’s “Let the Right One In”). In 1970s Europe, secret agent George Smiley (Gary Oldman) is forced to smoke out a mole, or double agent, from the heart of the British Secret Service. An ensemble cast including John Hurt, Toby Jones, David Dencik, Ciarán Hinds and Colin Firth and innovative narrative help make “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” one thriller worth spying on.

THE MUPPETS Amy Adams and Jason Segel star (Segel co-wrote the script, with Nicholas Stoller) in the return of Jim Henson’s ragtag crew of critters including Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, Fozzie and Sam Eagle. Some of the musical numbers fall a little flat, but endearing performances by Segel and Adams, loads o’ cameos and a decent story (Muppets try to save their theater) make this family-geared flick a must-see.

CARNAGE The latest from celebrated director Roman Polanski is based on the play “God of Carnage” by Yasmina Reza.

After their sons are in a schoolyard scuffle, parents Michael and Penelope Longstreet (John C. Reilly, Jodie Foster) and Alan and Nancy Cowan (Christoph Waltz, Kate Winslet) plan an amicable meeting to talk about it. Yet after a few drinks, personalities clash and tempers flare in this black comedy from exiled auteur Polanski.

THE SITTER This comedy stars Jonah Hill as a slacker babysitter who tries to corral a gang of rowdy children through a crazy adventure on the streets of New York City.

Baby On Bored

Director-star Jennifer Westfeldt’s firstborn attempt at brainy romantic comedy is a bad seed Friends With Kids *G@@

Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

T

he romantic comedy is running out of romance — and that is no laughing matter.

Admittedly, I stay up nights obsessing over grander things (or at least more arcane — such as wondering if the great occultist Manly P. Hall died of old age or was in fact murdered?!

And whatever happened to Zima?). But if recent offerings are any indication, romantic comedies are running out of fuel.

The basis premise of most romantic comedies follows these criteria: Boy meets girl (sometimes an awkward “Beauty & the Beast”/ Fatty Nerd meets Hottie Babe encounter), infatuation ensues, they get a puppy, love fades as either boy or girl pisses the other off, some wacky friends/neighbors/meddling, flatulent parents intercede or distract us, a custody battle over the dog occurs, wine is consumed, it rains, someone goes to Manhattan/Paris, Cat Stevens music plays and finally there’s a teary reunion at the airport/wedding/colonic clinic.

Lest the reader think I am some bitter, machoposturing dude, let me assure you that I am not. I have watched more than a few rom-coms voluntarily when I wasn’t even high and I’d like it to be known that I’m such a SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy), I’ve even been known to engage in Sympathetic Cramping.

The classics of the form — for example, 1959’s “Pillow Talk” with Rock Hudson and Doris Day or even weirder, funky fare like “Harold and Maude” (1971) — took the basic premise of the romantic comedy and tweaked it enough to be inventive without coloring too far outside the lines. In the past few years, there’s been the rise of more outré rom-coms, like Judd Apatow’s “Knocked Up” or the troublein-paradise of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.”

Weirder still is the appearance of blunt and even raunchier rom-coms, most prominently in the “We Are Just Going to F*ck”-style of movies, like last year’s “No Strings Attached,” with Natalie Portman and Ashton “Bird Dog” Kutcher, or the true-story of 2010’s “Love and Other Drugs,” featuring Anne Hathaway and

Jake “Spellchecker” Gyllenhaal.

Curiously enough, while both of those films offered very current (and graphic) topics, they were received poorly by the movie-going audience. So while film fans on a date night might humor a little playful kink, apparently breaking the headboard or a clavicle bone while keyed up on Viagra and Merlot is verboten.

Sadly, “Friends With Kids” doesn’t even push the romance envelope, but instead focuses on that other main side effect of sexual intercourse: children. The directorial debut of producer-writer-star Jennifer Westfeldt, “Friends With Kids” is essentially about BFFs (Boring Fatuous Fartbags) Julie (Westfeldt) and Jason (Adam Scott, in his first “non-asshole” role) who decide to have a child but have the stones to forego not only marriage but even the mandatory “shacking up.” Their choice to pump out a rugrat and still date other people (while raising the little scamp together, natch!) causes a furor among their suddenly outraged friends. Filmed on a budget of “less than” $10 million (har!), “Friends With Kids” tries hard to keep its roots indie and appeal to the aging Generation X crowd (including espresso machines, a soundtrack featuring Wilco and jokes about 17-page kindergarten applications).

An ensemble cast including (Westfeldt’s reallife dude) Jon Hamm, Maya Rudolph, Kristen Wiig (who is actually great as a drunk) and Chris O’Dowd are decent enough as friends, in turns supportive and insulted by the couple’s choice to eschew commitment. But Julie and Jason generate no electricity as a couple and it’s really hard for viewers to root for them to get together when we no longer care.

For all of its attempts at inventiveness, “Friends With Kids” ends precisely as one would expect. By the end of the film, I was so fed up with the idea of having kids that I spent a good 10 minutes in my seat staring down at my crotch, attempting to perform a Telepathic Vasectomy on my denim bouillon. Leaving the theater, my date remarked how much she liked Westfeldt’s debut, right as I blurted out, “Well, that sucked,” which is a reminder of the differences of the sexes, tastes and even perception.

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

Bed, Bath & Boring: Jason (Adam Scott) and Julie (Jennifer Westfeldt) try to stay awake through the cinematic snoozefest “Friends With Kids.”

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 21

Studio Tan: Thomas King, Drew Bond, Tom Essex and Roland King are Opiate Eyes.

OPIATE EYES with DJ NICKFRESH Saturday, April 7 at 9 p.m.

Dos Gatos, 123 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville 354-0666

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22 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

here are some musicians who just seem to have the innate ability to churn out music.

Dolly Parton has released 58 studio albums and 24 compilation discs. Frank Zappa released 62 albums during his lifetime and another 29 posthumous records. And Merzbow, aka Japanese noise musician Masami Akita, has released in excess of 350 recordings.

Jacksonville-based indie four-piece Opiate Eyes are working on their third full-length and have released a half-dozen or so EPs — all in a span of two years. Opiate Eyes consists of Drew Bond (vocals/guitar/keys), Roland David (vocals/guitar/percussion), Tom Essex (bass/percussion) and Thomas King (drums/ percussion). A DIY indie-rock quartet inspired

by MGMT, Radiohead, Neil Young, Pink Floyd and Kings of Leon, Opiate Eyes formed in 2009 in Jacksonville Beach.

“I moved here from Orlando and I was in Club TSI, trying to get to know the town, when I heard a drummer laying down the beat for Radiohead’s ‘Idioteque,’ ” says frontman Drew Bond. The sound prompted him to approach the mystery drummer. “I asked him if he wanted to be in a band together.”

The drummer turned out to be Thomas King, and he and Bond added David and Essex to form Opiate Eyes. Since 2009, the group has toured from Jacksonville to Boston and

back, and released an impressive number of self-made records. They’ve also played local venues including Jack Rabbits, Freebird Live, Shantytown, TSI and Dive Bar. On Saturday, April 7, Opiate Eyes takes to Dos Gatos for a show promoting their seventrack, self-titled album on vinyl (originally

Fall” (November 2011) and “The Summer” (July 2011), and the new EP will be combined to produce one 12-track full-length.

When the members of Opiate Eyes aren’t playing a local gig or hashing out late-night sessions at the warehouse, they’re working for the man — so to speak. David teaches guitar

We chose this specific album to do it with because we feel that it represents what we do artistically.

It represents our dynamic. dropped October 2011). DJ NickFRESH will also be there to spin prior to the night of original music, with no cover charge.

“We’re pressing 300 vinyl albums and selling them for around 12 bucks each,” Bond says.

“We chose this specific album to do it with because we feel that it represents what we do artistically. It represents our dynamic.”

Opiate Eyes record most of their material at Warehouse Studios (as featured in FW Feb. 28 cover story, “Sound Effects,” http://bit.ly/ GzF6k1), a full-service recording studio off Emerson Street. Essex, the band’s bassist, has his own control room in the space where he does a majority of the engineer work.

“In fact, we were at the studio late last night working on ‘The Spring,’ ” Bond explains of the fourth installation of a long-term project the guys have been working on. Previous releases include “The Winter” (January 2012), “The

at Florida Conservatory of Music, King works at Whole Foods Market, Essex spends his days at Survival Straps, a company located in Ponte Vedra Beach that makes survival bracelets out of paracord, and Bond works at The Fresh Market.

The band members also continue to work on their individual outside musical projects.

Bond has released two solo records along with the help of Essex, who engineered the discs.

“I’d always wanted to create albums where I play every instrument,” Bond says. Essex is also the founder of Skinny Records, the label that Opiate Eyes calls home.

For these twentysomethings, it’s not so much about the future of their music as in the journey. “We’re just constantly being creative,” Bond admits. “What I want for us is to just continue to play and make good music.”

Kara Pound themail@folioweekly.com

Leader of the Pack: Omaha psych-heads Conduits prepare to get “hounded” by the press.

Well-Connected

The big sound of Omaha’s psychedelic sextet Conduits gives shoegazer rock haunting new life CONDUITS with CURSIVE and CYMBALS EAT GUITARS Monday, April 9 at 8 p.m.

Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Tickets are $16 460-9311

T

he first definition isn’t the right one: A pipe or channel for conveying fluids. The second one isn’t quite right either, although it is closer: A tube or duct for enclosing electrical wires or cables. The third one is on the money: A means by which something is transmitted.

That makes perfect sense for the Omaha, Neb., sonic daydream sextet, Conduits — a spooky, beautiful group of musicians who have honed a shoegazer wall of ethereal sound and then carefully crafted it on their new selftitled debut.

Made up of battle-tested indie vets from the Omaha scene, the group creates lush arrangements, tied together by the crisp, angelic voice of lead singer Jenna Morrison.

Together they birth something beautiful, transmitting soaring, spacious hums and buzzes across the universe, into clubs and stereos across the land.

Morrison recently spoke to Folio Weekly about the origins of the band, the value of lyrics and how big is sometimes a good thing.

Folio Weekly: What about your new album makes you most proud?

Jenna Morrison: Wow, a lot. First of all, we did a lot of recording in the second bedroom of the house I was living in. The mood really matched the type of music everyone in the band liked. We are all interested in this music, so everything came together very quickly. And I feel like it truly portrays who we are and what we really are into.

F.W.: You haven’t had to alter your musical principles, then?

J.M.: Yeah, it’s very comfortable. I have been in other bands before, but nothing has every struck a chord with me as much as this music does. All of us are on the same page. It leaves me with a good feeling. It sounds cheesy, but it feels like it was meant to be.

F.W.: Everyone comes from different backgrounds?

J.M.: Yes and no. We have all been in different touring bands, and we all have some different tastes. But I think the music that we make is genuinely where we all meet heavily.

There is a connection.

F.W.: People use words like “sonic” or “expansive” to explain your music. I personally like “haunting” and “spacey.”

J.M.: We don’t write too many emotional lyrics. The feeling of the music conveys the emotion. It kind of pushes you to feel. We are not a happy-go-lucky band. It is heavily emotional. Big is a good word. That comes across in our live show. Big sounds, big feelings.

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F.W.: What about the live show makes it come across bigger?

PROMISE OF BENEFIT J.M.: There are six of us. There is a lot going on. It’s loud and encompassing. I think it allows the audience to be part of the music. I really do feel a connection with the audience; we are all feeling the experience of the music.

F.W.: Lyrically speaking, are you glass-half-full or glass-half-empty?

J.M.: For this album, I would say that it’s glass-half-empty, but I wouldn’t say that describes us overall. We are already writing for the next album, and I think it is changing.

The lyrics convey a glass-half-empty look at the world, in a literal way. But I wouldn’t say as artists we are that way. We may be drawn to it, but there will be other feelings on the next album.

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F.W.: How does being based in Omaha shape your music?

J.M.: We all are influenced by the local artists, those before us. It has definitely helped us. I do feel, though, that we also have taken a lot from the music that we all like outside of the Omaha music scene. If you listen to our music, you’ll hear a wider view of influences, stuff like Portishead and Slow Dive, My Bloody Valentine. It’s so hard to single them out.

F.W.: Have you ever played in St. Augustine?

J.M.: Not that I know of. I can guarantee someone in the band has, but not as [a member of] Conduits.

F.W.: Oh, bummer. I was hoping for some tour gossip.

J.M.: I personally love Florida. It is amazingly beautiful. The musicians in my band that have been there say they have a good time in Florida.

They really do bring it up like it’s something special and different from other places.

F.W.: It is like the land of Oz. J.M.: I guess so.

Danny Kelly themail@folioweekly.com

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Folk Femme: Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Suzy Bogguss performs at the Ponte Vedra Concert Hall.

American Beauty

Country great Suzy Bogguss takes a nostalgic trip back in time to celebrate traditional music SUZY BOGGUSS Friday, March 30 at 7 p.m.

Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach Tickets are $38 209-0399

S

uzy Bogguss’ latest release is without question a sentimental journey, but it’s no mid-career whim funded at the expense of audience loyalty. Bogguss has been on a mission inspired by the music of her childhood, the same music that stirred generations to sing and pick up an instrument. And the awardwinning singer-songwriter hopes her new CD and accompanying book, “American Folk Songbook,” (suzybogguss.com) will encourage younger music fans to check out their own musical heritage while reminding those more familiar with the music of the inherent power of a song.

“Music has always been my purest joy even as a child,” writes the Aledo, Ill., native in her book. “One of my favorite memories is my grade-school music teacher pounding on the piano and leading the class in rousing renditions of folk songs from all around the world.”

By the time she was in her early 20s, Bogguss had mastered piano, drums and guitar and also received a B.A. in fine arts (with a focus on metalsmithing) from Illinois State University. Bogguss then spent five years busking around the country, playing music everywhere from Chicago to Greenwich Village, eventually settling down in Nashville, where she got a job at Dollywood. The ’80s and ’90s were good years for Bogguss, as she topped the country singles charts with songs “Someday Soon” and “Hey Cinderella,” and snagged both CMA and Grammy Awards. Since then, Bogguss has released 2003’s “Swing,” produced

by Ray Benson of Asleep at the Wheel, followed by ’07s “Sweet Danger,” and she’s been a frequent guest on Garrison Keillor’s public radio show “A Prairie Home Companion.”

Folio Weekly spoke to Suzy Bogguss at a tour stop in Lebanon, Mo., where she and bandmates Pat Bergeson (guitar-harmonica) and Charlie Chadwick (upright bass) were gearing up to deliver another night of folk revival.

26 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

Folio Weekly: “American Folk Songbook” puts you in the same company of similarly obsessed folks, like Harry Smith and John Fahey. Could you describe what compelled you to create this work?

Suzy Bogguss: I started out just going back

into my memory and seeing what songs were still really fresh for me and which ones I remembered the most from my fifth-grade songbook. That’s really how all of this started.

I had this concept of how my fifth-grade songbook really formed me. This was a great experience for me, since I really had to study the history [of the music], and I discovered these great old pictures as well. But then I was trying to round out the record and I didn’t want the same kind of folk songs, some that were more historical, blues and even classic murder ballads. And I would ask my friends what they liked and the more I learned, I thought, “People really need to know the story of these songs” because they are so fascinating.

F.W.: But the ultimate criteria in deciding which songs made the cut were ones that you liked?

S.B.: Yes. I just picked things that were interesting or quirky or spooky [Laughs.]

— whatever just jumped out at me. When I began the research, I got scared for a minute, because I’ve been in a position before when I’ve had to deliver a talk or lecture on some old music and I always get really nervous and I always feel like such a fake [Laughs.] because I am not a historian.

F.W.: Plus, some people can get morbidly serious about the roots of “Froggie Went A’Courtin’”.

S.B.: Exactly! That’s why I had to decide in the beginning to take the high road and stress that this is just my personal take on American folk.

F.W.: Do you remember the name of the songbook that you had when you were a little girl?

S.B.: No! And that has been the biggest problem. I was almost certain that it was called “Songs from Far and Near,” but then I had people sending me that book and that isn’t it.

Well, the funny thing is, I’m playing in Phoenix next week and both of my childhood music teachers have retired and moved there. So I’m going to see both of them. The one who was my middle school teacher all the way through high school told me that he doesn’t have the book.

But he thinks my other teacher, Melvin, who is 95, might have it.

F.W.: I don’t want to read about you being arrested for shaking a confession out of this old man in Phoenix over a songbook!

S.B.: No, no. [Laughs.] I don’t think my search will come to that!

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

FreebirdLive.com 200 N. 1st St., Jax Beach, FL • 904.246.BIRD (2473)

CONCERTS THIS WEEK

TWO MAN GENTLEMAN BAND This tenor guitar and upright bass duo performs at 8 p.m. on March 27 at Jack’s BBQ, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine.

460-8100.

TAKE OFFENSE, XIBALA, SOUL SEARCH This evening of metal and hardcore starts at 8 p.m. on March 28 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $5. 799-7123.

JUDY COLLINS The woman who inspired Stephen Stills’ “Suite Judy Blue Eyes,� singer-songwriter Judy Collins, performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 29 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $51-$71. 632-3373.

BLUNT TRAUMA, REVEAL RENEW, RECKONING, TITANIC, ARISE FROM THE ASHES These heavy hitters play at 8 p.m. on March 29 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8.

398-7496.

TORNADO RIDER, CATFISH ALLIANCE These rockers play at 8 p.m. on March 29 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $8. 246-2473.

SAM PACETTI Singer-songwriter Pacetti performs at 8 p.m. on March 29 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

PAPER GLOVES, VANCOUVER These indie and ambient bands perform at 9 p.m. on March 29 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $5. 799-7123.

CARRIE NATION & THE SPEAKEASY These jam band faves play at 9 p.m. on March 29 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

OUIJA BROTHERS These indie folkies conjure up a few tunes at 7 p.m. on March 30 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

355-9791.

SUZY BOGGUSS Country music great Suzy Bogguss performs at 7 p.m. on March 30 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $38. 209-0399.

LYNCH MOB, BANG TANGO, SKEWD, ZERO-N, KYMYSTRY, DRIVEN Lynch Mob, featuring Dokken guitarist George Lynch, performs at 7 p.m. on March 30 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $12. 223-9850.

WHETHERMAN Singer-songwriter Whetherman plays at 7:30 p.m. on March 30 at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach.

249-2922.

THE LOST TRAILERS, ERIC PASLAY, CANAAN SMITH This night of country music starts at 8 p.m. on March 30 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville.

630-3900.

JAKE SHIMABUKURO Ukulele master Jake Shimabukuro plays at 8 p.m. on March 30 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $25. 355-2787.

BUCK WILD (Lagwagon), HURRICANE GUN, WHALEFACE, THE RESONANTS This evening of wholesome punk rock action kicks off at 8 p.m. on March 30 at Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine. Admission is $5. 547-2188.

3RD STONE Rockers 3rd Stone play at 9 p.m. on March 30 at Dog Star Tavern, 10 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. 277-8010.

SAWYER FAMILY, HANK HALL, MUDTOWN This night of punk folk and bluegrass kicks off at 9 p.m. on March 30 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Admission is $6. 799-7123 FIVE BY SEVEN These local rockers play a few numbers at 9 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at Cliff’s Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Rd., Jacksonville. 645-5162.

BREAD AND BUTTER Bread & Butter, the all-covers alter ego of local jam faves Chroma, perform at 10 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at Fionn MacCool’s, 333 First St. N., Jax Beach. 242-9499. The band also plays at 8 p.m. on April 1 at Sun Dog Diner, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-8221.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Brent Byrd is on at 10:30 a.m., Emma Hill performs at 12:30 p.m. and The Redheads Britta-N-Brooke perform at 2:30

p.m. on March 31 under the Fuller Warren Bridge at Riverside Avenue, downtown. 554-6865. riversideartsmarket.com SUNJAMMER Local faves SunJammer play at 7 p.m. on March 31 at Dick’s Wings and Grill, 10391 Old St. Augustine Road, Jacksonville.

880-7087.

BREATHE CAROLINA, THE READY SET, ASHLAND HIGH, MATT TOKA, ROMANCE ON A ROCKETSHIP This evening of electro and emo delights starts at 7 p.m. on March 31 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $15. 246-2473.

ALAINA COLDING Singer-songwriter Colding plays at 7 p.m. on March 31 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

355-9791.

LARRY MANGUM, MICHELLE and SCOTT DALZIEL, AMY SPEACE This evening of original music starts at 8 p.m. on March 31 at European Street CafĂŠ, 5500 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

WAKE THE LIVING, MANNA ZEN, LYDIA CAN’T BREATHE, IN 2 DEEP, SILENCE THE DOUBTFUL These local rockers play at 8 p.m. on March 31 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $8.

398-7496.

ANTIQUE ANIMALS This indie acoustic ensemble performs at 9 p.m. on March 31 at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $5. 799-7123.

LIFT Local heavy hitters Lift, featuring guitar maestro Alfredo Linsangan, perform at 9:30 p.m. on March 31 at 3 Lions Sports Pub & Grill, 2467 Faye Road, Jacksonville. 647-8625.

BAY STREET Local faves Bay Street play at 10 p.m. on March 31 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville. 381-6670.

TOURN Local rockers Tourn play at 10 p.m. on March 31 at The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park. 264-0611.

GOLIATH FLORES The local musician plays at 1 p.m. on March April 1 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. 355-9791.

THURSDAY MARCH 29

TORNADO RIDER

Catfish Alliance FRIDAY MARCH 30

Coral Castle/The Other Guys SATURDAY MARCH 31

BREATHE CAROLINA

THE READY SET

ASHLAND HIGH/MATT TOKA Romance on a Rocketship THURSDAY APRIL 5

Cannibal Corpse Exhumed/Abysamal Dawn/Arkaik SATURDAY APRIL 7

APPETITE

FOR DESTRUCTION (Ultimate GUNS N ROSES Tribute)

HEART SHAPED BOX (authentic NIRVANA tribute) SATURDAY APRIL 14

TIM REYNOLDS TR3 (Dave Matthews guitarist)

Sons of Bill WEDNESDAY APRIL 18

FREEBIRD GWAR Ghoul | Kylessa

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

The Best Live Music in St. Augustine!

“Join us for Blues, Rock & Funk�

March 30 & 31 Lonesome Bert & The Skinny Lizards

,JOH 4USFFU t 4U "VHVTUJOF t

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

Legacy of Disorder FRIDAY APRIL 20

Mon-

Men’s Night Out Beer Pong 7pm $1 Draft $5 Pitchers Free Pool ALL U CAN EAT CRABLEGS

Tues-

Texas Hold ’Em STARTS AT 7 P.M.

Wed-

Bar Bingo/Karaoke ALL U CAN EAT WINGS KIDS EAT FREE FROM 5 P.M. TO 9 P.M. HAPPY HOUR ALL NIGHT

THE MAINE Lydia/The Arkells SATURDAY APRIL 21

Rockville Rumble Finals WEDNESDAY APRIL 25

Reggae greats STEEL PULSE Innercoastal FRIDAY APRIL 27

Thurs- DJ BG w/Cornhole Tournament

THE MOVEMENT

Fri-

MICKEY AVALON

VVVVVVVVVVVVVVV

2 FOR 1 DOMESTIC DRAFTS, WELLS AND HOUSE WINE

1904

Early show with

Al Naturale 9:30pm 1/2 PRICE APPS-FRI (BAR ONLY) 4-7PM DECK MUSIC 5-9 P.M.

Sat-

Al Naturale 9:30pm DECK MUSIC 5-9P.M.

Sun-

Delions of Jah 4-8pm

WEDNESDAY MAY 2

ANDRE LEGACY THURSDAY MAY 3

RUSTED ROOT

S.P.O.R.E. WEDNESDAY MAY 9

WHITECHAPEL/Miss May I

After the Burial/Within the Ruins/The Plot in You THURSDAY MAY 10

BEACH HOUSE SUNDAY MAY 20

tribal seeds March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 27

BREAD AND BUTTER Bread & Butter, the all-covers alter ego of local jam faves Chroma, perform at 8 p.m. on April 1 at Sun Dog Diner, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-8221.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

SUWANNEE RIVER JAM CONTEST FINAL April 4, Whisky River CANNIBAL CORPSE, EXHUMED April 5, Freebird Live RAEKWON April 5, Brewster’s Pit LITTLE JAKE & THE SOUL SEARCHERS April 5, European Street San Marco GALLAGHER April 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BE EASY April 6, Poe’s Tavern FRAMING HANLEY April 6, Brewster’s Pit INFINTESMAL BBQ: PERMANENT MAKEUP, STATE CHAMPION, GIGGLE GIVER, MEMPHIBIANS, I HOPE YOU’RE A DOCTOR, RAGGEDY ZEUS, POISONOUS GAS April 7, Phoenix Taproom WHETHERMAN April 7 & 21, Poe’s Tavern WHETHERMAN, MARK WILLIAMS & BLUE HORSE, JERRY MANISCALCO April 7, Riverside Arts Market CHRIS THOMAS KING, RED AFTERNOON April 7, Mojo Kitchen BREAKING THROUGH CD Release Party April 7, Brewster’s Pit THE ANATOMY OF FRANK, ANTIQUE ANIMALS, SHONI April 8, Burro Bar STATE CHAMPION, THE DEWARS April 8, Nobby’s CANDLEBOX April 10, Mavericks OVER THE RHINE, LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE April 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TOWER OF POWER April 12, The Florida Theatre SPRINGING THE BLUES: JOEY GILMORE BLUES BAND, ALBERT CUMMINGS, ELI COOK BAND, TRAMPLED UNDER FOOT, JOANN SHAW TAYLOR, WOODY & THE PECKERS, WILLIE GREEN BLUES PROJECT, EDDIE SHAW & THE WOLFGANG, THE LEE BOYS April 13-15, Jax Beach & Mojo Kitchen

28 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

JOSH GRACIN April 13, Mavericks JACKSONVILLE SUPERFEST: 60 LOCAL ACTS & BANDS April 13, Aloft Tapestry Park; April 14 & 15, UNF BIG KETTLE DRUM April 13, Burro Bar MARTINA McBRIDE April 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TIM REYNOLDS, SONS OF BILL April 14, Freebird Live BRAIDED LIGHT DANCE PROJECT, MARTHA’S TROUBLE, SCOTT JONES DANCERS April 14, Riverside Arts Market UNDERHILL ROSE April 14, European Street Café Southside DAUGHTRY April 15, T-U Center NATURAL CHILD, RIVERNECKS, THE COUGS April 15, Nobby’s VAN HALEN, KOOL & THE GANG April 16, Veterans Memorial Arena GWAR, GHOUL, KYLESSA April 18, Freebird Live THE NIGHT BEATS, THE MOLD, THEE HOLY GHOSTS April 18, Nobby’s HUMAN NATURE April 20, T-U Center THE FRONTMEN April 20, Mavericks THE MAINE April 20, Freebird Live BLACK MOLLY April 20, Brewster’s Pit WANEE Music Fest: ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND, FURTHUR, GOV’T MULE, TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, JAIMOE’S JASSSZ BAND, BUDDY GUY, BRUCE HORNSBY, DEVON ALLMAN’S HONEYTRIBE April 20 & 21, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park ROCKVILLE RUMBLE FINALS April 21, Freebird Live THE PRETTY RECKLESS, THE PARLOR MOB, THE HOLLYWOOD KILLS April 21, Jack Rabbits SMALL HOUSES, TOBACCO PAT, AMONG GIANTS April 23, Burro Bar STEEL PULSE, INNERCOASTAL April 25, Freebird Live MARK SULTAN, WAYLON THORNTON & THE HEAVY HANDS April 25, Café Eleven RODNEY ATKINS April 26, Mavericks TIM BARRY, BILLY + JOE, BEAU CRUM, JOEL WILTGEN April 26, Jack Rabbits ELVIS COSTELLO & The IMPOSTERS April 27, The Florida Theatre RISE TO AGAINST, A DAY TO REMEMBER, TITLE FIGHT April 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DICK DALE April 28, Jack Rabbits GREG LAKE April 29, The Florida Theatre Welcome to Rockville: KORN, SHINEDOWN,

EVANESCENCE, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, P.O.D. April 29, Metro Park COUNTING CROWS May 1, The Florida Theatre THE BEACH BOYS 50th ANNIVERSARY REUNION TOUR May 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MICKEY AVALON, ANDRE LEGACY May 2, Freebird Live DIECAST May 3, Brewster’s Pit THE FRAY May 4, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WHETHERMAN, CANARY IN THE COALMINE May 5, Mojo Kitchen KOTTONMOUTH KINGS, TWIZTID, BLAZE BIG B May 7, Brewster’s Pit EDDIE VEDDER, GLEN HANSARD May 8, T-U Center WHITECHAPEL, MISS MAY I May 9, Freebird Live WE OWN THE NIGHT WORLD TOUR: LADY ANTEBELLUM, DARIUS RUCKER, THOMPSON SQUARE May 10, Veterans Memorial Arena BEACH HOUSE May 10, Freebird Live CATIE CURTIS May 11, Café Eleven FUSEBOX FUNK May 12, Mojo Kitchen CHUCK PROPHET & THE MISSION EXPRESS May 14, Jack Rabbits JANE’S ADDICTION May 16, The Florida Theatre UNCLE KRACKER May 19, Mavericks GRANT PEEPLES May 19, European Street Southside TRIBAL SEEDS May 20, Freebird Live FLOGGING MOLLY May 21, Mavericks EDGAR WINTER BAND May 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JACKSONVILLE JAZZ FESTIVAL: SONNY ROLLINS, CHICK COREA, STANLEY CLARKE, LENNY WHITE TRIO, PATTI AUSTIN, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA May 24-27, Downtown Jacksonville ONE May 26, Freebird Live DETHLEHEM May 30, Burro Bar CELERITAS, MILO June 5, Burro Bar RINGO STARR & HIS ALL STARR BAND June 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LITTLE FEAT July 31, The Florida Theatre IAN ANDERSON (Jethro Tull) Sept. 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

Wed. DJ Heavy Hess, Hupp & Rob every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Miguel Alvarez in Sheffield’s every Fri. DJ Heavy Hess every Sat. Cason every Mon. PLAE, 80 Amelia Circle, Amelia Island Plantation, 277-2132 Gary Ross from 7-11 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6990 Cason at 2 p.m. at the tiki bar every Sat. & Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Live music Tue.-Sun. DJ Roc at 5 p.m. every Wed.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

Whetherman (pictured) performs on March 30 at 7:30 p.m. at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach. 249-2922. Whetherman is the melodic folk project of Nicholas Williams, who has released four full-length albums of ethereal acoustic music that draw parallels to the music of Paul Simon, Van Morrison, Nick Drake and Neil Young. Admission is $5. 247-6636.

• CLUBS • AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

BEECH STREET GRILL, 801 Beech, 277-3662 John Springer on Fri. & Sat., every other Thur. Barry Randolph every Sun. CAFE KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269 Live music in the courtyard at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., at 5 p.m. every Sun. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Carrie

Nation & The Speakeasy on March 29. 3rd Stone on March 30 GENNARO’S ITALIANO SOUTH, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 491-1999 Live jazz from 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Dan Voll from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Live music every weekend O’KANE’S IRISH PUB, 318 Centre St., 261-1000 Dan Voll at 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Turner London Band at 8:30 p.m. every Thur., Fri. & Sat. THE PALACE SALOON & SHEFFIELD’S, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 BSP Unplugged every Tue. & Sun. Wes Cobb every

AJ’S BAR & GRILLE, 10244 Atlantic Blvd., 805-9060 DJ Sheryl every Thur., Fri. & Sat. DJ Mike every Tue. & Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. PLUSH, RAIN, LAVA, 845 University Blvd. N., 745-1845 DJ Massive spins top 40 in Rain every Wed., DJs spin Latin every Fri. STARBUCKS, 9301 Atlantic Blvd., 724-4554 Open mic with Starbucks Trio from 8-11 p.m. every other Fri. TONINO’S TRATTORIA, 7001 Merrill Rd., 743-3848 Alaina Colding every Thur. W. Harvey Williams at 6 p.m. every Fri. Signature String Quartet every Sat. VIP LOUNGE, 7707 Arlington Expressway, 619-8198 Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Wed. & Fri. Reggae every Thur. Old school every Sat. A DJ spins every Sun.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BRICK RESTAURANT, 3585 St. Johns Ave., 387-0606 Duet every Wed. Goliath Flores and Sam Rodriguez every Thur. Bush Doctors every first Fri. & Sat. Live jazz every Fri. & Sat. THE CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. 3rd Bass every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith spins for Karaoke every Tue. DJ Free spins vintage every Fri. DJs SuZiRok, LowKill & Mowgli spin for Chillwave Madness every Mon. ELEVATED AVONDALE, 3551 St. Johns Ave., 387-0700 Karaoke with Dave Thrash every Wed. DJ 151 spins hip hop,

Wednesday Pat Rose Thursday The Splinters Friday & Saturday Cloud 9 Sunday April 1

Join us for our Annual Pig Roast!

Live Music starts @ 3pm Mr. & Mrs. Smith in the evening Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 29

R&B, old-school every Thur. DJ Catharsis spins lounge beats every first & fourth Sat. Patrick Evan & CoAlition Industry Sun. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Bay Street at 10 p.m. on March 31 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 Live music every Fri. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

THE COFFEE GRINDER, 9834 Old Baymeadows Rd., 642-7600 DJ Roy Luis spins new & vintage original house at 9 p.m. every Thur.

GATOR’S DOCKSIDE, 8650 Baymeadows Rd., 448-0500 Comfort Zone Band at 9 p.m. every Fri. MY PLACE BAR-N-GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Out of Hand every Mon. Rotating bands every other Tue. & Wed. OASIS GRILL & CHILL, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 748-9636 DJs Stan and Mike Bend spin every Feel Good Fri.

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD, 120 S. Third St., 444-8862 Kurt Lanham sings island music every Fri.-Sun. BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Incognito at 5:30 p.m. on March 29. Dune Dogs at 6 p.m. on March 30. Slick Water at 5:30 p.m. on March 31. Kurt Lanham at noon, Dune Dogs at 4:45 p.m. on April 1 BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 DJ IBay every Tue., Fri. & Sat. DJ Ginsu every Wed. DJ Jade every Thur. Charlie Walker every Sun. CRAB CAKE FACTORY, 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza, 247-9880 Live jazz with Pierre & Co. every Wed. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Live music every weekend DICK’S WINGS, 311 N. Third St., Ste. 107, 853-5004 Big Jeff at 8 p.m. every Thur. Live music at 9 p.m. every Sat. EL POTRO MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1553 Third St. N., 241-6910 Wilfredo Lopez every Wed. & Sat. ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY, 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337 Live music every Thur.

EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 992 Beach Blvd., 399-1740

Live music from 5-8 p.m. on April 1 FIONN MACCOOL’S, 333 N. First St., 242-9499 Bread & Butter at 10 p.m. on March 30 & 31. Live music every Thur.-Sat. FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Nate Holley every Mon. Wes Cobb every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. King Eddie reggae every Sun. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Tornado Rider and Catfish Alliance on March 29. Breathe Carolina, The Ready Set, Ashland High, Matt Toka and Romance on a Rocketship on March 31. Cannibal Corpse, Abysmal Dawn, Arkaik and Exhumed on April 5 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Brady Reich on March 28. Nick Williams on March 29. Jimmy Solari on March 30. D-Lo Thompson on March 31 LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Whetherman at 7:30 p.m. on March 30. Live music every Fri. & Sat. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Roger That on March 30 & 31. Split Tone at 10:30 p.m. every Tue. Nate Holley every Wed. Ryan Campbell every Thur. Wits End every Sun. Little Green Men every Mon. MAYPORT TAVERN, 2775 Old Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 270-0801 Live music at 3 p.m. every Sun. Open mic at 5 p.m. every Wed. DJ Jason hosts Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., Ste. 2, 246-1500 Brian Ernst on March 28. Chillula on March 29.

Matt Still on March 30. Be Easy on March 31. Arpetrio on April 4 MEZZA LUNA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger at 6 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford and Rick Johnson at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Chris Thomas King on April 7 MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN, 1850 S. Third St., 246-1070 Wes Cobb at 10 p.m. every Tue. DJ Austin Williams spins dance & for Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Wed., Sat. & Sun. DJ Papa Sugar spins dance music at 9 p.m. every Mon., Thur. & Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 De Lions of Jah on March 29. Domenic at 6 p.m., Lefty Williams Band at 9:30 p.m. on March 30. Acoustic Shade at 2 p.m., Lefty Williams Band at 6 p.m. on March 31. Matt Henderson at 1 p.m., Jimmy Parrish Band at 3 p.m. on April 1. Reggae on the deck every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sun. Live music every 3rd Wed. NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Live music every Thur.-Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 Live music every weekend THE PIER RESTAURANT, 445 Eighth Ave. N., 246-6454 Darren Corlew and Johnny Flood at 7 p.m. every Thur. DJ Infader every Fri. Nate Holley every Sat. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637 Be Easy at 10 p.m. on April 6 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Pat Rose on March 28. The Splinters on March 29. Cloud 9 on March 30 & 31. Mr. & Mrs. Smith on April 1 RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 320 N. First St., 270-8565 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. SUN DOG, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 241-8221 Billy Bowers at 6 p.m. on March 27. Buck Smith on March 28. Billy Bowers & Kurt Lanham on March 29. Swerved on March 30 & 31. Bread & Butter on April 1. Live music every Tue.-Sun. THE WINE BAR, 320 N. First St., 372-0211 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

spins top 40, South Beach & dance classics every Pure Sat. THE JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr. Mr. Natural at 8 p.m. on March 30. Barrett Jockers Band at 8 p.m. on March 31 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Vinn spins top 40 for ladies nite every Thur. Ritmo y Sabor every Fiesta Fri. BayStreet mega party with DJ Shotgun every Sat. MAVERICKS, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Bobby Laredo spins every Thur. & Sat. Saddle Up every Sat. NORTHSTAR THE PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Open mic night from 8:30-11:30 p.m. every Wed. THE PEARL, 1101 N. Main St., 791-4499 DJs Tom P. & Ian S. spin ’80s & indie dance every Fri. DJ Ricky spins indie rock, hip hop & electro every Sat. PHOENIX TAPROOM, 325 W. Forsyth St., 798-8222 Take Offense, Xibala and Soul Search on March 28. Paper Gloves and Vancouver on March 29. Sawyer Band, Hank Hall and Mudtown on March 30. Antique Animals on March 31 POPPY LOVE SMOKE, 112 E. Adams St., 354-1988 DJs Al Pete & Gene Dot spin for The Glossary at 10 p.m. every Sat. ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 The Band on the Run on March 29. Fat Cat on March 30. Kent on March 31. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R. 220, 215-8999 DJ Ty spins for ladies’ nite every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Buck Smith Project every Mon. Blistur unplugged every Wed. RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 406 Old Hard Rd., Ste. 106, 213-7779 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Karaoke on March 28. DJ BG on March 29. Al Naturale at 9:30 p.m. on March 30 & 31. Rezolution at 4 p.m. on April 1. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

BREWSTER’S PIT, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Lynch Mob, Bang Tango, Skewd, Zero-N, Kymystry and Driven on March 30. Raekwon on April 5 BREWSTER’S PUB, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Open mic every Wed. Karaoke with DJ Randal & live music every Thur., Fri. & Sat. A DJ spins every Mon.

BRUCCI’S PIZZA, 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36, 223-6913 Mike Shackelford at 6:30 p.m. every Sat. and Mon. CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Badcat Jax on March 28. Five By Seven at 9 p.m. on March 30 & 31. Karaoke every Thur. & Sun. JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22, 220-6766 Live music every Fri.

JULINGTON CREEK, NW ST. JOHNS

HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 683-1964 Live music at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. SHANNON’S IRISH PUB, 111 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-9670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

MANDARIN

AW SHUCKS OYSTER BAR & GRILL, 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd., 240-0368 Open mic with John O’Connor from 7-10 p.m. every Wed. Cafe Groove Duo, Jay Terry & John O’Connor, from 8-11 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Sat. CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 11475 San Jose Blvd., 262-4337 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. DICK’S WINGS, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-7087 SunJammer at 7 p.m. on March 31 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Karaoke from 9 p.m.-1 p.m. Mon.-Thur. Dennis Klee & the World’s Most Talented Waitstaff every Fri. & Sat. THE NEW ORLEANS CAFE, 12760 San Jose Blvd., 880-5155 Live music at 6 p.m. Tue., Wed., Fri.-Sun. Open mic with Biker Bob at 7:30 p.m. every Thur. Reggae with Les B. Fine at 1 p.m. every Sat. & Sun. Creekside Songwriters Showcase at 7 p.m. last Wed. every month RACK ’EM UP BILLIARDS, 4268 Oldfield Crossing, 2624030 Craig Hand every Sat. Karaoke at 7 p.m. every Sun. SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE, 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16, 538-0811 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri. SUNBURST STUDIOS, 12641 San Jose Blvd., 485-0946 Open mic with My Friendz Band at 8:30 p.m. every Mon. Karaoke at 8:30 p.m. with DJ Tom Turner every Tue.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 1580 Wells Rd., 269-4855 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. & Sat. CRACKERS LOUNGE, 1282 Blanding Blvd., 272-4620

DOWNTOWN

1904, 19 Ocean St., 356-0213 The Heavy Pets & J2K on March 31 BURRO BAR, 228 E. Forsyth St., 353-4692 Suitcase City, With Increase, Black Smith, Nisroch and Trust Issues on March 30. Mud Town, Johnson Creek Stranglers and Snake Blood Remedy on April 1. Von Wolfe on April 2. DJ Tin Man spins reggae & dub every Tue. DJ SuZi-Rok spins every Thur. $Big Bucks DJ Crew$ every Sat. Bert No Shirt & Uncle Jesse every Sun. CITY HALL PUB, 234 Randolph Blvd., 356-6750 DJ Skillz spins Motown, hip hop & R&B every Wed. Jazz at 11 a.m., Latin music at 9 p.m. every first Fri.; Ol’ Skool every last Fri. DIVE BAR, 331 E. Bay St., 359-9090 Live music every weekend DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth, 354-0666 DJ Synsonic spins every Tue. & Fri. DJ Rockin’ Bones spins every Wed. DJ Scandalous spins every Sat. DJ Randall Karaoke every Mon. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 176, 374-1247 JK Wayne from 8 p.m.-mid. on March 29. Dirty Gringos from 9 p.m.-1 a.m. on March 30. Bad Assets from 9 p.m.-1 a.m. on March 31.

Live music every weekend THE IVY ULTRA BAR, 113 E. Bay St., 356-9200 DJs 151 The Experience & C-Lo spin every Rush Hour Wed. DJ E.L.

30 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

Legendary singer-songwriter Judy Collins performs on March 29 at 7:30 p.m. at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. The Grammy Award-winning Collins has penned dozens of tunes and was the inspiration behind Stephen Stills’ “Suite Judy Blue Eyes.” Tickets range from $51-$71.

632-3373.

BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. JOHNNY ANGELS, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120, 997-9850 Harry & Sally from 7-9 p.m. every Wed. Karaoke from 7-10 p.m. every Sat. with Gimme the Mike DJs ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Domenic Patruno on March 28. Clayton Bush on March 29. Brady Reich on March 30. Billy Buchanan on March 31. Live music every Wed.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 997-1955 Paul Haftel on March 28. Charlie Walker at 8 p.m. on March 29. Nate Holley on March 30 SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy.

N., 997-1999 Chuck Nash every Thur. Live music at 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music from 9 p.m.-mid. every Thur. and 6-9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. URBAN FLATS, 9726 Touchton Rd., 642-1488 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHISKY RIVER, 4850 Big Island Drive, 645-5571 A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Cowford County Band on March 30. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Karaoke every Wed.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

Summoning up some tunes, brah! The Ouija Brothers play on March 30 at 7 p.m. at Three Layers Café, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville. This self-professed “Groov-i-cal String Band Trio” takes an acoustic approach to the music of artists like Miles Davis and The Allman Brothers Band. 355-9791.

Karaoke every Fri. & Sat. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PARK AVENUE BILLIARDS, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Random Act from 7:30-11:30 p.m. every Mon. Bike Nite THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Tourn at 10 p.m. on March 31. Live music every Thur.-Sat. DJ Jason every Tue. DJ Israel every Wed. Buck Smith Project every Mon.

PALATKA

DOWNTOWN BLUES BAR & GRILLE, 714 St. Johns Ave., (386) 325-5454 David Michael Angleton on March 29.

Ranger Donnie on March 30. The Electrik Fence Blues Band on March 31. Local talent every Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

Blues jam every Sun.

PONTE VEDRA

LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE, 301 N. Roscoe Blvd., 285-0139 Mike Shackelford & Rick Johnson from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Tony Novelly from 6-10 p.m. every Mon. PUSSER’S CARIBBEAN GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766 Live music every Thur.-Sun. URBAN FLATS, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Darren Corlew every Tue. Soulo & Deron Baker at 6 p.m. every Wed.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

FLA RIDERS MOTORCYCLE CLUB, 243 S. Edgewood Ave. DJ DreOne spins every Wed. for open mic nite HJ’S BAR & GRILL, 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., 317-2783 Karaoke with DJ Ron at 8:30 p.m. every Tue. & DJ Richie at every Fri. Live music every Sat. Open mic at 8 p.m. every Wed. KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. LOMAX LODGE, 822 Lomax St., 634-8813 DJ Dots every Tue. Milan da Tin Man every Wed. DJ Christian every Sat. DJ Spencer every Sun. DJ Luminous every Mon. THE MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Greenbeaux, Wavorly, Sosaveme, AJ Cheeks and Bethany Stockdale at 7:30 p.m. on March 30. The trinity CD release party with Rejoice the Awakening, Second Thief, City in Peril and Come What May on March 31 PIZZA PALACE, 920 Margaret St., 598-1212 Jennifer Chase at 6:30 p.m. every Fri. YESTERDAYS SOCIAL CLUB, 3638 Park St., 387-0502 Rotating DJs spin for Pro Bono electronic music party from 7 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sun.

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 Lonesome Bert & The Skinny Lizards on March 30 & 31 AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT, 1915 A1A S., 461-0102 Fermin Spanish guitar from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Open mic on March 27. Scott Sweet & the Rocky Mountain Oysters at 6:30 p.m. on March 28. Bilge Rats at 8:30 p.m. on March 30. John Dickey & Friends at 6:30 p.m. on March 31 BARLEY REPUBLIC IRISH PUBLIC HOUSE, 48 Spanish St.,

547-2023 Live music Fri. & Sat. THE BRITISH PUB, 213 Anastasia Blvd., 810-5111 Karaoke with Jimmy Jamez at 9 p.m. on March 30 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, San Sebastian Winery, 157 King St., 826-1594 Sentropolis at 7 p.m. on March 30. Mojo Roux at 7 p.m. on March 31. Vinny Jacobs from 2-5 p.m. on April 1 CHICAGO PIZZA & BAKERY, 107 Natures Walk Pkwy., Ste. 101, 230-9700 Greg Flowers hosts open-mic and jazz piano from 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Fri. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Chelsea Saddler every Sun. FLORIDA CRACKER CAFE, 81 St. George St., 829-0397 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard at 5:30 p.m. every Wed. HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers from 6-10 p.m. on March 28 JACK’S BARBECUE, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-8100 Two Man Gentleman Band at 8 p.m. on March 27. Jim Essery at 4 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Thur.-Sat. KING’S HEAD BRITISH PUB, 6460 U.S. 1, 823-9787 Mike Sweet from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

KOZMIC BLUZ PIZZA CAFE & ALE, 48 Spanish St., 825-4805 Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Open jam nite with house band at 8 p.m. every Wed. Battle of the DJs with Josh Frazetta & Mardi Gras Mike every last Sun. MEEHAN’S IRISH PUB, 20 Avenida Menendez, 810-1923 Live music every Fri. & Sat. MI CASA CAFE, 69 St. George St., 824-9317 Chelsea Saddler from noon-4 p.m. every Mon., Tue. & Thur. Elizabeth Roth at noon every Sun. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19 1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Darryl Wise & Mystic Beets at 9 p.m. on March 30 & 31. Vinny Jacobs every Tue. Todd & Molly Jones every Wed. Colton McKenna at 9 p.m. every Thur. Will Pearsall at 9 p.m. every Mon. NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Buck Wild, Hurricane Gun, Whaleface and The Resonants on March 30 SANGRIAS WINE & TAPAS Piano Bar, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music every Thurs.-Sun. SCARLETT O’HARA’S, 70 Hypolita St., 824-6535 Lil Blaze & DJ Alex are in for Karaoke every Mon. SIRENS, 113 Anastasia Blvd., 460-2641 Live music every Fri. DJs spin every Sat. Live music from 3-6 p.m. every Biker Sunday SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Live music every Fri.-Sun. THE TASTING ROOM, 25 Cuna St., 810-2400 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger from 5-8 p.m. every Sun. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Rosco Caine at 9 p.m. on March 30 & 31. Mark Hart every Mon.-Wed. Open mic every Thur. Mark Hart & Jim Carrick every Fri. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m., Mark Hart at 5 p.m. every Sat. Keith Godwin at 1 p.m., Wade at 5 p.m. every Sun. Matanzas at 9 p.m.

Sun.-Thur.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

AROMAS CIGARS & WINE BAR, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live jazz from 8-11 p.m. every Tue. Beer house rock every Wed. Live music every Thur. Will Hurley every Fri. Bill Rice at 9 p.m. every Sat.

ENDO EXO, 1224 Kings Ave., 396-7733 DJ J-Money spins jazz, soul, R&B, house every Fri. DJ Manus spins top 40 & dance every Sat. Open mic with King Ron & T-Roy every Mon. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 399-1740 Gary Starling Group on March 27. Sam Pacetti on March 29. Jazz every second Tue. HAVANA-JAX CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609 MVP Band from 6-9 p.m., DJs No Fame & Dr. Doom every Wed. Jazz every Thur. American Top 40 every Fri. Salsa every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Blunt Trauma, Reveal Renew, Reckoning, Titanic and Arise From The Ashes on March 28. Wake the Living, Manna Zen, Lydia Can’t Breathe, In 2 Deep and Silence the Doubtful on March 31 MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger at 7 p.m. every Thur.

PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815 Jennifer Chase at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. SQUARE ONE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 306-9004 Soul on the Square with MVP Band & Special Formula at 8 p.m.; DJ Dr. Doom at 10:30 p.m. every Mon. DJs Wes Reed & Josh Kemp spin indie dance & electro at 9 p.m. every Wed. DJs Anonymous and Mickey Shadow every Sat.

SOUTHSIDE

BOMBA’S, 8560 Beach Blvd., 997-2291 Open mic from 7-11 p.m. with Chris Hall every Tue. & every first Sun. Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. CORNER BISTRO & Wine Bar, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 1, 619-1931 Matt “Pianoman” Hall every Fri. & Sat. DAVE & BUSTER’S, 7025 Salisbury Rd. S., 296-1525 A DJ spins every Fri. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 5500 Beach Blvd., 399-1740 Larry Mangum, Michelle & Scott Dalziel and Amy Speace at 8 p.m. on March 31 LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 DJ Mikee on March 29. Ronnie Pittman & Dakota Rose Band at 8:30 p.m., DJ Vic Jones at 11:30 p.m. on March 30. John Earle at 8:30 p.m., VJ Ginsu at 11:30 p.m. on March 31

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BLUE DINER CAFE, 5868 Norwood Ave., 766-7774 Jazz from 7-9 p.m. every first Thur.

BOOTS-N-BOTTLES, 12405 N. Main St., Ste. 7, Oceanway, 647-7798 Karaoke every Tue., Thur. & Sun. with DJ Dave.

Open mic every Wed. DAMES POINT MARINA, 4518 Irving Rd., 751-3043 DJ Steve at 6 p.m. on March 29. Mystic Vibes at 7 p.m. on March 30. Black Creek Rizin’ at 6 p.m. on March 31. Mr. Natural at 4 p.m. on April 1 FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4073 Live music every Fri. & Sat. ’70s every Tue. SKYLINE SPORTSBAR, 5611 Norwood Ave., 517-6973 Bigga Rankin & Cool Running DJs every Tue. & 1st Sun. Fusion Band & DJ every Thur. DJ Scar spins every Sun. THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 The Ouija Brothers at 7 p.m. on March 30. Alaina Colding at 7 p.m. on March 31. Goliath Flores at 1 p.m. on April 1 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 Lift at 9:30 p.m. on March 31. Open mic every Thur. Woodie & Wyatt C. every Fri. Live music every Sat. To get your band listed here, send all the vitals — band name, time, date, location of venue, with street address, city, admission price and contact number — to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email events@ folioweekly.com.

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 31

Crazy Over You

Players by the Sea darkens its stage lights to capture the edgy story of “Bug” BUG 8 p.m. Thur., March 29, Fri., March 30 and Sat., March 31 Players by the Sea, 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach Tickets are $20 “Bug” contains strong language, violence and nudity and is not suitable for children under 17 249-0289 playersbythesea.org

T

David Pearce

he local theater community is infested with conspiracy theories. But the skullduggery and arcane scheming is — mostly — confined to the stage.

Players by the Sea is currently staging Tracy Lett’s dark drama “Bug,” which details the weirdly poignant relationship that develops between two fear-crossed lovers. The two-act drama originally premiered at London’s Gate Theatre in 1996, eventually finding favor in Chicago, Washington, D.C. and New York City, in a successful Off-Broadway production, as well as in Australia. The stark story has gone on to win awards including the Lucille Lortel, Drama Desk and Obie. Though some theater crowds were wary of the play’s morbid content and onstage violence, a film version of “Bug,” directed by William Friedkin, appeared in 2006 starring Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr. and Michael Shannon (who originally starred as Peter in the 2004 Barrow Street Theatre version staged in Manhattan).

The Players by the Sea production is directed by Joshua Kreis McTiernan and sticks to Letts’ original vision of two people pulled together by a shadow-driven magnetism. “ ’Bug’ is a very intense show with strong language and adult themes that may not have broad appeal,” warns PBTS executive director Joe Schwarz, “yet it delves into the lives of very troubled people.”

In “Bug,” lonely cocktail waitress Agnes Goss (Kasi Walters) is locked in an abusive

Insect Fear: The drama “Bug” chronicles the weird relationship of Agnes (Kasi Walters) and Peter (Johnathan Ross) as they spiral into a shared paranoia.

is obsessed with theories about UFOs, the Oklahoma City bombing, cult suicides and, ultimately, secret government experiments on soldiers that led to his belief that he is now plagued by bugs.

“As strange as it seems, it’s a very horrific story, but I kind of view it as a love story,” says director McTiernan. “Bug” pivots on the dangers, real or imagined, that Peter perceives, and Agnes’ willing surrender into his mad realm.

McTiernan, 26, thinks the subject matter

Playwright Tracy Lett’s twisted vision is like Shakespeare saturated in fear, a “Romeo and Juliet” played out with the curtains drawn, the windows taped over and the phone checked for wiretaps.

32 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

relationship with her husband, Jerry (Juan Carlos Unzueta). One evening, her friend R.C. (Evelyn Peralta) drops by and introduces Agnes to Peter (Johnathan Ross), a Gulf War veteran who may or may not be AWOL — and perhaps even insane.

“Bug” centers around the social phenomenon of conspiracy theories, a topic which now almost seems like a quaint, ’90s parlor game that preceded the ultimate game-changer for the paranoid set: 9/11. Peter

is timely. “We are in an age where all we hear about in the news are these stories that are designed to make you afraid,” he observes.

He believes that the power of suggestion some media outlets exploit for ratings is the same technique used by Peter to draw his troubled lover into this folie à deux, the classic psychological disorder in which a psychosis is “shared by two.” McTiernan thinks the heightened state of panic that these characters perceive is similar to what the average citizen

experiences in our hyper-vigilant society.

“Today, all these newscasters have to do is suggest the possibility of a terrorist, or that some product might be bad for you, and you can believe it 100 percent, and we accept that as fact,” he says.

Lett’s twisted vision is like Shakespeare saturated in fear, a “Romeo and Juliet” played out with the curtains drawn, the windows taped over and the phone checked for wiretaps.

“It’s a play intent on manipulating us into the characters’ point of view,” says McTiernan.

Johnathan Ross, in his role as Peter, agrees.

“People can really fall victim to the wrong information if it’s delivered by the right person.”

Ross helped prepare for his role by watching videos and documentaries about veterans dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder, various films that hypothesize government cover-ups, and conferring with a few friends who are ardent conspiracy theorists. At the same time, he says, “I didn’t try to look at him as this dark guy, but rather: Why does he see the world this way?”

Yet after entering the dark world of Peter, the actor gained a different understanding of people living a shadow-world existence. Ultimately, Ross believes Peter is more antihero than bad guy. “Every villain,” he says, “is probably still their own good guy waiting in the wings.”

Dan Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com

PERFORMANCE

JAAP BLONK Sound artist Blonk performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 27 at Museum on Contemporary Art’s MOCA Theater, 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. Admission is free; seating is limited. 366-6911.

GILBERT & SULLIVAN AT UNF The UNF Opera and Orchestra present “The Mikado” at 7:30 p.m. on March 30 and 31 and at 3 p.m. on April 1 at University of North Florida’s Lazzara Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. Tickets are $18. 620-2878.

THE THINGS THEY CARRIED Billy Lyons is featured in this dramatic reading of stories from Tim O’Brien’s acclaimed Vietnam-era memoir at 8 p.m. on March 30 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. A reception is held at 6:30 p.m. 646-2222.

FETTERHOFF FOR HIRE ABET presents a musical comedy about Harry Fetterhoff, a private eye in 1940s Hollywood, at 8 p.m. on March 30 and 31 and at 2 p.m. on April 1 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Tickets are $20. The play is staged through April 7.

249-7177.

BUG Players by the Sea presents Tracy Lett’s dark drama, about a cocktail waitress and her relationship with a Gulf War veteran, at 8 p.m. on March 29, 30 and 31 at 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $20. 249-0289.

ARSENIC AND OLD LACE Orange Park Community Theatre stages Joseph Kesselring’s classic dark comedy, about a homicidal family, at 8 p.m. on March 30 and 31 and at 3 p.m. on April 1 at 2900 Moody Ave., Orange Park. The show runs through April 7. Tickets are $15. 276-2599.

JERSEY BOYS The Tony-winning musical, about ’60s vocal group The Four Seasons, is staged at 7:30 on March 27, 28 and 29, at 8 p.m. on March 30 and 31, at 2 p.m. on March 31 and at 1:30 p.m. on April 1 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $47-$67.

632-3373.

HELLO, DOLLY! Sally Struthers stars in the classic musical comedy, about a matchmaker in turn-of-the-century Manhattan, at 8 p.m. March 27-31, at 1:15 p.m. on March 31 and 2 p.m. on April 1 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $42-$49.

“Hello, Dolly!” is staged through April 8. 641-1212.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

PBS PAINTING SHOW HOST TO SPEAK Roger Bansemer, host of the PBS show “Painting & Travel,” lectures and screens a program at 6:30 p.m. on March 29 at St. Augustine Art Association, 22 Marine St. 824-2310.

WOLFSON CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL SEEKS ART Girl Scout Troop 531 and Wolfson Children’s Hospital are accepting original artwork and prints for their Rolling Artwork Library Cart. For details, email girlscouttroop531@gmail.com. After April 20, email wchauxiliary@bmcjax.com STATE OF FLORIDA PUBLIC ART The 2012 Florida Public Art Year in Review accepts submissions through April 18 for the inaugural juried event. For details and to submit work, go to callforentry.org JAX JAZZ COMPETITION SEEKS PIANISTS The Jacksonville Jazz Piano Competition accepts CD submissions for possible inclusion in this year’s competition, to be held on May 24 at The Florida Theatre. For details and guidelines, visit jaxjazzfest.com LATIN AND BALLROOM DANCING LESSONS Boleros Dance Center features a dance class at 7 p.m. on March 28 and every Wed. at 10131 Atlantic Blvd., Jacksonville. Class fee for the seven-week course is $130. 228-9931.

THEATRICAL ARTS Classes in theatrical performance, including song and dance, are held Mon.-Fri. at The Performers Academy, 3674 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Fees vary. 322-7672. theperformersacademy.com DANCE CLASSES The Dance Shack offers dance classes in several styles for all ages and skill levels every Mon.Fri. at 3837 Southside Blvd., Jacksonville. 527-8694. thedanceshack.com

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

ORGANIST AT JACOBY HALL Organist Simon Thomas Jacobs performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 27 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $20. 389-6222.

GARY STARLING JAZZ GROUP Guitarist Starling leads his combo at 8 p.m. on March 27 at European Street Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

CONTEMPORARY BRASS & PERCUSSION UNF Brass and Percussion Ensembles perform at 7:30 p.m. on March 28 at University of North Florida’s Fine Arts Center, Rm. 1404, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

STUDENT RECITALS AT JU Student recitals are held at 7:30 p.m. on March 28 and 29 and at 3:30, 5:30 and 7:30 p.m. on March 31 and April 1 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville.

256-7677.

JOHN CAGE MUSIC PERFORMED Violinist Tom Chu performs

selections including works from “Freeman Etudes” and “Cheap Imitations” at 7:30 p.m. on March 28 at J.J. Johnson Gallery, 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach. 435-3200. Pianist Louis Goldstein performs “4’33”“ and other Cage pieces at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Jacksonville. 355-7584.

DEBUSSY’S “LA MER” Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra performs Debussy’s classic musical vision of the sea, along with works by Prokofiev, Dukas and R. Strauss at 8 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $25-$70. Bring non-perishable food donations to benefit local emergency services provided by DESC. 354-5547.

INDIGO BLUE This jazz combo performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 31 at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 N. First St., Neptune Beach. 249-2922.

DEE DEE BRIDGEWATER Grammy-winning vocalist Bridgewater performs “To Billie with Love: A Celebration of Lady Day” at 8 p.m. on March 31 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $40.

632-5555.

CAROLE FREEMAN Jazz vocalist Freeman performs the concert “Remembering Mrs. Tomi Lou” at 8 p.m. on March 31 at Jazzland Café, 1324 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville.

Admission is $10. 249-1009.

FOLK SONGS AT UNITARIAN Folksinger and humorist C.W. Kalb is featured at 10:45 a.m. on April 1 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville.

725-8133.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC AT JU Jacksonville University students and faculty perform original and classic electronic music pieces, along with demonstrations of current synthesizer and sampling techniques, at 7:30 p.m. on April 2 at JU’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville.

256-7677.

NAVY JAZZ BAND The nine-piece Navy Band Southeast’s VIP Combo performs at 6 p.m. on April 3 at Clay County Headquarters Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island. 278-3722.

JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Live jazz is featured at 7 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., Jacksonville.

388-9551.

JAZZ AT TREE STEAKHOUSE Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville.

262-0006.

JAZZ AT GENNARO’S Live jazz at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at Gennaro’s Ristorante Italiano, 5472 First Coast Highway, Fernandina Beach. 491-1999.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz nightly at 7 p.m. at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., St. Augustine.

825-0502.

ART WALKS & FESTIVALS

OLD TOWN ART & CRAFT SHOW This juried fine art and craft show features works in various media, along with food and drink, from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on March 31 and April 1 at Francis Field, 25 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. holidayartshows. com/old-town-art-craft-show.html A BRUSH WITH NATURE The three-day event “A Brush with Nature,” A Plein Air Painting Invitational, is held March 29, 30 and 31 at Jacksonville Arboretum & Gardens, 1445 Millcoe Road, and features 37 local artists as well as painting demonstrations, music and kid-friendly events. The gala reception and sale of the paintings is held from 7-9 p.m. on March 31 at Wells Fargo Center, 1 Independent Drive, downtown. A Plein Air Painting event is free; the gala is $60.

641-1009. abrushwithnature.org UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT Galleries, antique stores and shops are open from 5-9 p.m. on March 31 in St. Augustine’s San Marco District. 824-3152.

MID-WEEK MARKET Arts & crafts, local produce and live music are featured every Wed. from 3-6 p.m. at Bull Memorial Park, corner of East Coast Drive and Seventh Street, Atlantic Beach. 247-5800.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts and local produce are offered every Fri. from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive. 353-1188.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET The Arts Market is held from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. beneath the Fuller Warren Bridge on Riverside Avenue, Jacksonville and features local and regional artists, strolling performers, bands and a farmers market. Admission is free. 554-6865, 389-2449. riversideartsmarket.com

MUSEUMS

AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378. The exhibit “Great Women of Florida” is on display through March.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530. “Form and Figure,” featuring sculpture by Enzo Torcoletti and Joe Segal, is on display through April 13.

The Golden Age of Snooping: ABET presents “Fetterhoff for Hire,” on March 30 and 31 at 8 p.m. and on April 1 at 2 p.m. at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Tickets are $20. The musical comedy is the saga of Harry Fetterhoff (Jim Alexander), a private eye working in 1940s Hollywood, and his encounters with colorful characters like Ginger (Jessica Alexander), the detective’s “girl Friday.” The play is staged through April 7. 249-7177.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville, 356-6857. “Impressionism and Post Impressionism from the High Museum of Art” is on display through May 6. “Richard Chamberlin: The Year of the Sheep” is displayed through July 8. “Beyond Ukiyo-e: Japanese Woodblock Prints and their influence on Western Art” runs through Aug. 9. “50 Forward: New Additions to the Permanent Collection” is on display through Aug. 15.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Jacksonville, 356-2992. New works in watercolor and oil by Leigh Murphy are on display through April 27. “Civil War: The Beginning,” an exhibit of original letters and documents, is displayed through April 25. The permanent collection includes rare manuscripts. Open Tue.-Fri., 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; Sat. from 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 366-6911. The opening reception for the exhibit “Rainbow Artists,” featuring work created by autistic children from MOCA’s Rainbow Artists program, is held from 2-4 p.m. on April 1. The show runs through May 27. “Project Atrium: Mark Licari” runs through July 8. Jaap Blonk performs at 7:30 p.m. on March 27. Artist Joe Forkan’s work, “The Lebowski Cycle,” a set of 14 paintings inspired by Baroque and Neoclassical eras and “The Big Lebowski,” is on display through April 1. An exhibit of work by the winners of the Northeast Florida Scholastic Art Awards runs through March. The exhibit “ReFocus: Art of the 1960s” runs through April 8. mocajacksonville.org RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville, 632-5555. Dee Dee Bridgewater performs “To Billie with Love: A Celebration of Lady Day” at 8 p.m. on March 31.

Tickets are $40. An exhibit celebrating local African-American athletes and sports figures, “More Than a Game: AfricanAmerican Sports in Jacksonville, 1900-1975,” is currently on display. Admission is $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and seniors. Open Tue.-Sun.

GALLERIES

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 N. University Blvd., 256-7371. The exhibit “Skeleton in the Closet,” a collection of portraits by Fritz Liedtke of people struggling with anorexia and bulimia, runs through March 28.

AMELIA ISLAND PLANTATION ARTISTS’ GUILD & GALLERY 94 Village Circle, Fernandina Beach, 432-1750. An exhibit of the latest paintings by Amy Schrom is on display through April 7.

THE ART CENTER PREMIERE GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 355-1757. The environmentally themed exhibit “Trees” is displayed through April 12.

BLUE DOOR ARTISTS 205 1/2 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 557-1187. An exhibit of works by fiber artist M. Lynette Holmes is on display through March.

BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577. Mary Jane Amato’s “Fiber Art” exhibit is featured through April 2.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-0614.

Photography by Clyde Butcher is displayed through April 7.

DOUGLAS ANDERSON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS 2445 San

Diego Road, Jacksonville, 346-5620. The exhibit “Rising Stars,” featuring recent works by visual arts students, runs through April 13.

WORLEY FAVER GALLERY 11A Aviles St., St. Augustine, 304-2310. The exhibit “Little Gems,” featuring works by Russ Wilson, Wendy Norton, C. Ford Riley and others, is featured through March.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. “Waves,” featuring recent works by painter Beth Haizlip and glass artist Kyle Goodwin, is on display through April 2.

FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Road, Jacksonville.

535-7252. The show “Triple Threat,” featuring works by Matt Hebermehl, Michael Porten and Troy Wandzel, is shown through April 27.

GALLERY 725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320. The show “Explore the Heart,” featuring recent works by Tonsenia Yonn, Jay Shoots, Matthew Winghart, Gary Mack, Linda Olsen and Shayna Raymond, is on display through March.

GALLERY 1037 Reddi-Arts, 1037 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville, 398-3161. Recent watercolor works by Robert Leedy and photographs by Gary McElwee are on display through April.

P.A.ST.A FINE ARTS GALLERY 214 Charlotte St., St. Augustine, 824-0251. Recent paintings by Roann Elias are shown through March.

ROTUNDA GALLERY St. Johns County Admin. Bldg., 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine, 471-9980. The exhibit “Regional Artists from the Tail End of St. Johns County,” featuring works by A.E. (Beanie) Backus, Joe Taylor, Charles Dickinson and Eddie White, is featured through May 6.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 6 E. Bay St., Jacksonville, 553-6361.

Sculptor Pablo Rivera is the featured artist for March.

SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838. The exhibit “Paper Chase,” by Atlanta-based arts collaborative duo TindelMichi, is on display through March 31.

STUDIO 121 121 W. Forsyth St., Ste. 100, Jacksonville, 292-9303. Potter Lucky Clark is the featured artist for March.

THREE LAYERS CAFÉ 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville, 355-9791. The exhibit “Magpie: A Photographic This and That,” featuring new works by photographer Jennifer Grey, is on display through April 20.

WATERWHEEL ART GALLERY 819 S. Eighth St., Fernandina Beach, 261-2535. The opening reception for an exhibit of recent paintings by Millie Martin is held from 4-7 p.m. on March 29. The show runs through April.

W.B. TATTER STUDIO GALLERY 76 A San Marco Ave., St. Augustine, 823-9263. The opening reception for the latest Steampunk work by sculptor Jim Smith is held from 5-9 p.m. on March 31. The exhibit runs through April.

WEST GALLERY CoRK Arts District, 2689 Rosselle St., Jacksonville, 707-0030. The exhibit “The Immortals,” featuring recent work by Clair Hartmann, Lee Harvey, Bruce Musser and Sharla Valeski, is displayed through March.

For a complete list of galleries, log on to folioweekly.com.

To list your event, send info – time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print – to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email dbrown@folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 33

UPCOMING

BEN FOLDS WITH JAX SYMPHONY April 14, T-U Center JAX ROLLER GIRLS DOUBLEHEADER April 21, UNF Arena SLOW FOOD FIRST COAST TOUR DE FARM April 22 RIVER CITY CHALLENGE May 5, Downtown Jacksonville THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP May 5-13, TPC Sawgrass SLASH May 9, The Florida Theatre WILCO May 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre K.D. LANG & THE SISS BOOM BANG May 29, The Florida Theatre

NATURE, SPORTS & OUTDOORS

What the truck? Jax Truckies Food Truck Championships feature the best of Jacksonville’s street food culture on March 31 at Bold City Brewery, 2670 Rosselle St., Ste. 7, Jacksonville. Admission is $15 for the VIP Hour from 11 a.m.-noon; general public admission is $5 from noon-3 p.m. Judges include Caron Streibich from Folio Weekly’s Bite Club, Kerry Speckman of Jacksonville Magazine and Cole Pepper from the Jacksonville Backyard BBQ Championships. Facebook.com/JaxTruckies

EVENTS

WOMEN, WORDS & WISDOM The speaker series presents Charlene Taylor Hill, Executive Director of the Jacksonville Human Rights Commission, at 6:30 p.m. on March 27 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., downtown.

Tickets are $40; $100 for the series. Proceeds benefit Expanded Horizons, a Women’s Center of Jacksonville literacy program for women. 722-3000. womenscenterofjax.org FLAGLER FORUM The Flagler College Forum on Government and Public Policy Series continues with the editor of the AARP Bulletin Jim Toedtman at 7 p.m. on March 27 at Flagler College Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine. Admission is free. 819-6400. flagler.edu HISTORICAL MARKER UNVEILED The St. Augustine Archaeological Association unveils a historical marker at 10 a.m. on March 31 at the site of Nuestra Senora de la Soledad, 234 St. George St., St. Augustine. La Soledad was the site of an early parish church and hospital. Admission is free.

471-1870.

COSMIC CONCERTS Laser shows include Laser Pink Floyd: The Wall at 7 p.m., The Beatles Laser Collection at 8 p.m., Laser Jimmy Buffett’s Parrothead Party at 9 p.m. and Laser U2 at 10 p.m. on March 30 in Bryan-Gooding Planetarium, at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Online tickets are $5. 396-7062. moshplanetarium.org LINCOLNVILLE FARMERS’ MARKET The weekly market, held from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. every Sun. at 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, offers local and organic produce, baked goods, coffees, cheeses, prepared foods, crafts and jewelry at the south end of Lincolnville in Eddie Vickers Park. There’s a community garden, too. lincolnvillefarmersmarket.com

POLITICS, BUSINESS & ACTIVISM

SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB Lara Aleman, of The Players Championship, is the featured speaker at 11:30 a.m. on March 28 at San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is $20. For reservations, call 396-5559.

HEALTH CARE COUNCIL The AIFBY Chamber’s new council meets at 8 a.m. on March 27 at Sutton Place Behavioral Health, 463142 S.R. 200, Yulee. The Chamber launched the council as a way to raise awareness of health care services in Nassau County as well as develop professional contacts among local health-related organizations. 261-3248.

FORUM ON DUVAL COUNTY JAIL This forum is held from 7-9 p.m. on April 2 at University of North Florida’s University Center, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. Panelists include State Attorney Angela Corey, attorney Bill Sheppard, Public Defender Matt Shirk and representatives from Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office and Florida TaxWatch. The forum is held to explore sources of and potential solutions to overcrowding in the Duval County Jail. Admission is free. 620-1644.

PEOPLE’S LAW SCHOOL St. Johns Legal Aid staff present a free seminar, “Rights of a Debtor,” at 4 p.m. on April 3 at Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine.

827-9921.

UNF SMALL BUSINESS CLASS “Proposal and Bid Writing; Tips and Strategies” is held from 9-11:30 a.m. on March 28 at the Small Business Development Center at University of

34 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

North Florida, 12000 Alumni Dr., Jacksonville. The fee is $40.

“Facebook & Twitter & Nonprofits” is held from 9 a.m.-noon on March 30; fee is $40. “How to S-T-A-R-T-U-P Your Own Business” is held from 6-9 p.m. on April 19; fee is $40 in advance, $50 day of workshop. 620-2476. sbdc.unf.edu COMMUNICATORS CONNECT INTERNSHIP FAIR The University of North Florida’s Department of Communication its second annual Communicators Connect Internship Fair from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. on March 29 at UNF’s Student Union, Building 58 W., 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. Registration is free; space is limited. unf.edu JACKSONVILLE JOURNEY The oversight committee of this crime-fighting initiative meets at 4 p.m. on April 19 in Eighth Floor Conference Room 851, Ed Ball Building, 214 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville. 630-7306.

LEGAL AID FREE CLINICS Jacksonville Area Legal Aid offers free clinics, with no appointment necessary, at 126 W. Adams St., Jacksonville. Topics are: Bankruptcy at 5 p.m. on the first Thur. each month; Consumer Rights at 5 p.m. on third Wed.; Emancipation at 5 p.m. on the first Wed.; Child Support Modification at 5:30 p.m. on the second Thur. of each month; Dissolution of Marriage at 5:30 p.m. on the fourth Thur. of each month; Foreclosure and Home Ownership clinic at 5 p.m. on the second Wed. of the month; Custody/Timesharing/ Paternity at 5:30 p.m. on the third Tue. of the month. Small Claims Court at 5:30 p.m. on the second Tue. of each month at Duval County Courthouse, 330 E. Bay St., Room 505, Jacksonville. In Nassau County, a Consumer Law Clinic is offered at the Nassau County Courthouse in Yulee. A sign-up is required; call (904) 356-8371, ext. 307. jaxlegalaid.org

LIBRARIES, BOOKS & WRITING

LIBRARY BOOK SALE Anastasia Island Friends of the Library hold a book sale from 10 a.m.-8 p.m. on March 29, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. on March 30 and from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on March 31 at the library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine. On Saturday, prices are slashed by 50 percent; fill a grocery sack with $1 books for $7. 209-3731. sjcpls.org WRITERS CRITIQUE GROUP This group gathers from 6-8:30 p.m. on the first Tue. of the month at Mandarin Library, 3330 Kori Road, Jacksonville. Admission is free. 428-4681. cdspublicity.com

CAN YOU DIG IT? CHILDREN’S ARCHAEOLOGY PROGRAM Fort Mose Historic State Park hosts this kids’ program from 1-2:30 p.m. on March 31 in the visitors’ center at Ft. Mose, 15 Ft. Mose Trail, St. Augustine. The entrance fee is $2 per person. Children six and under are free. 823-2232. floridastateparks.org/fortmosehistoricstatepark BREAKFAST BOATING TRIP This fundraiser launches from the city marina just south of the Bridge of Lions in St. Augustine at 8:30 a.m. on March 31. The guided wildlife tour on board Victory III explores St. Augustine Harbor and Salt Run. Advance tickets $35 for adults, $20 for children with an adult or $40 and $25 at the dock. Proceeds benefit the St. Johns Audubon Society and H.A.W.K.E. programs.

(386) 559-4283.

NATURE HIKE A park ranger leads a leisurely paced hike to discover the island’s natural communities at 2 p.m. on March 31 at Ribault Club, Ft. George Island Cultural State Park, 11241 Ft. George Road, Ft. George Island. Admission is free. Bring bug spray and bottled water. 251-2323. floridastateparks.org/littletalbotisland PING PONG TOURNAMENT A ping-pong tournament is held at 7 p.m. every Tue. at Green Room Brewing, 228 Third St. N., Jax Beach. 201-9283.

COMMUNITY INTEREST

WALK TO DEFEAT ALS ALS patients, including those in wheelchairs, along with families and friends make a 2-mile trek at 10 a.m. (8:30 a.m. registration) on March 31 starting at Seven Bridges/Tinseltown, 9735 Gate Parkway, Jacksonville.

Proceeds support patient care and comfort, and research for treatments and a cure of ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease, a progressive, fatal neurodegenerative disease. To register, call 888-257-1717, or go to walktodefeatals.org SETTING THE PACE FOR PEACE Hubbard House’s third annual Domestic Violence Awareness Walk is held at 9 a.m.

(8 a.m. registration) on March 31 at Ed Austin Regional Park, 11751 McCormick Rd., Jacksonville. The walk is free to participate and includes a family fun zone with music, a bouncy house and more. Proceeds benefit Hubbard House programs. hubbardhousewalk.com PAWS IN THE SAND Flagler College’s SAM Club holds this dog walk-a-thon from 10 a.m.-1 p.m. on March 31 at Butler Beach Park East on A1A, St. Augustine. Activities include a one-mile beach walk, St. Johns County K-9 demonstrations, music, food and prizes. Online registration is $15 for each dog; final pledges are tallied at 10:59:59 a.m. Proceeds benefit the St. Augustine Humane Society.

360fundraiser.com/124 MICAH’S PLACE/PALACE SALOON GOLF CLASSIC The third annual charity golf tournament begins with a shotgun

start at 12:30 p.m. on April 1 at Amelia River Golf Club, 4477 Buccaneer Trail, Amelia Island, 491-8500. Registration for single golfers is $175; $600 for a foursome. The Black & White Gala is held that evening at Sheffield’s at the Palace, 117 Centre St., Fernandina Beach. Tickets are $20 with any golf package or $50 without. Proceeds benefit Micah’s Place Domestic Violence Center programs. 491-3332.

KIDS

ST. JOHNS COUNTY LIBRARY PROGRAMS Storytimes for babies and toddlers are held at Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 Sea Grove Main St., St. Augustine. 209-3730. An Earth Day Coloring Contest starts on April 2 at Main Library, 1960 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine, 827-6940. Teen Spring Break is held from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. on April 2, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on April 3 at Southeast Branch, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 827-6900. Teen Gaming Night is held at 5 p.m. on April 5 at Ponte Vedra Branch, 101 Library Blvd., Ponte Vedra, 827-6950.

CLASSES & GROUPS

BUDDHIST CENTER Prayers for World Peace is held from 10-11:30 a.m. every Sun. at Maitreya Kadampa Buddhist Center, 85 Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach. Meditation for all is held at 7 p.m. every Mon. Chanted prayers and meditations are held at 7 p.m. every Wed. 222-8531. Meditation and Practical Buddhist Teaching is held at 6:30 p.m. every Mon. at Discovery Yoga, 3 Davis St., St. Augustine, 222-8531. Fee is $9 for adults, $5 for students. Meditations for Relaxation and Healing is held at 12:15 p.m. every Wed. at The Elements, 12795 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 619-1587. Fee is $5.

MeditationInJacksonville.org NAMI SUPPORT GROUP National Alliance on Mental Illness support group meets from 7-8:30 p.m. every first and third Thur. of the month at Ortega United Methodist Church, 4807 Roosevelt Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is free. 389-5556. ortegaumc.org DEPRESSION BIPOLAR SUPPORT GROUP The DBSA support group meets from 5:30-7 p.m. every Wed. at River Point Behavioral Health’s Outpatient Building, 6300 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 343-6511 or 964-9743.

Q-GROUP ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS This free, open discussion is held at 5:30 p.m. Mon.-Fri. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Jacksonville. alcoholicanonymous.org DEPRESSION AND BIPOLAR SUPPORT ALLIANCE This support group meets from 6-7:30 p.m. every Tue. at Baptist Medical Center, 800 Prudential Drive, Jacksonville. For more information, call 616-6264 or 294-5720.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Do you have a drug problem?

Maybe they can help. 358-6262, 723-5683. serenitycoastna.org, firstcoastna.org NICOTINE ANONYMOUS (NIC-A) Want to quit smoking or using other forms of nicotine? Nic-A is free, and you don’t have to quit to attend the meetings, held at 6:30 p.m. every Wed. at Trinity Lutheran Church, 1415 S. McDuff Ave., Westside. 404-6044. nicotineanonymous.org NAR-A-NON This group meets at 8 p.m. every Tue. and Thur. at 4172 Shirley Ave., Avondale. 945-7168.

To get your event included in this listing, email the time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to events@folioweekly.com or click the link in our Happenings section at folioweekly.com. Events are included on a space-available basis.

COMEDY

LAVELL CRAWFORD Allstars at 8 p.m. on March 27 and 28. Lavell Crawford appears at 8 p.m. on March 29 and at 8 and 10 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville. Tickets are $25 and $30. The Wayans Brothers appear April 12, 13 and 14.

292-4242.

SQUARE ONE STANDUP Moses West and Herman Nazworth host standup and spoken word at 9 p.m. every Tue. at Square One, 1974 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. 306-9004.

JACKIE KNIGHT’S COMEDY CLUB Mike Herlihy and Dougie Almieda appear at 8:30 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at 3009 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. Tickets are $8 and $12.

461-8843.

LATITUDE 30 COMEDY The Cowboy is featured at 8 p.m. on March 30 and 31 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside. Tickets are $13. 365-5555.

Fashionably Great: Jacksonville Fashion Week is held from March 28-31 and features designer showcases, runway shows, a bridal show brunch and workshops at Metropolitan Park, Suite Nightclub and Epping Forest Yacht Club. Tickets range from $15-$65; week passes are $115-$175. For a schedule and to purchase tickets, visit jaxfashionweek.com.

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For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. r FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 promise of benefit

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1. Enzo Torcoletti 2. Elaine D’Arnold, Angie Ullman 3. Jessica Marsh, Jason Andrews 4. Rocky Williams, Loek Van der Heyden 5. Peter Rumpel, Roxanne Horvath, Barry Myers 6. Kelly McTaggart, Nico Recore 7. Josh Redman, Kathryn D’Elia 8. David Oullette, Paul Ladnier, Sally Ann Freeman 9. Russell Bailey, Erica Mendoza 10. Michael Ghelerter, Theresa Segal 11. Ann Ulloa, Derby Ulloa, Joe Segal 12. Darien Andreu, Gayle Prevatt

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For more photos from this and other events, check out the Eye link at folioweekly.com.

lagler College’s campus art gallery, the Crisp-Ellert, recently hosted the opening of “Form and Figure,” a new exhibit by two St. Augustine-based artists, sculptors and friends, Enzo Torcoletti and Joe Segal. Gallerygoers munched on snacks, sipped drinks and enjoyed the stone-and-wood sculptures, while Florida musicians The Dewars provided music. The show includes pieces ranging from the six-feet-tall carved stone creations of Torcoletti, a former Flagler art professor, to the elegant wood and metal creations of Segal, Torcoletti’s former student. Their work is a mixture of natural and traditional materials, such as marble, stone and wood, displayed in a contemporary manner. To read more about the artists, see “Sticks and Stones,” Folio Weekly, March 6 (http://bit.ly/xQ33ET). The show continues through April 13. For more information, go to http://bit.ly/zOSO1F. Brennan Coker themail@folioweekly.com March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 35

DINING GUIDE KEY

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer, Wine FB = Full Bar CM = Children’s Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast L = Lunch D = Dinner F = Folio Weekly distribution point Send changes to mdryden@folioweekly.com

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

36 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

Walter Coker

(In Fernandina Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE BEECH STREET GRILL Fine dining in a casual atmosphere. The menu includes fresh local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes created with a variety of ethnic influences.

Award-winning wine list. FB. L, Wed.-Fri.; D, nightly; Sun. brunch. 801 Beech St. 277-3662. $$$ BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ F At the foot of Centre Street, the upscale restaurant overlooks the Harbor Marina. The menu includes daily specials, fresh Florida seafood and an extensive wine list. FB. L & D, daily. 1 S. Front St. 261-2660. $$$ BRIGHT MORNINGS The small café offers freshly baked goods. B & L daily. 105 S. Third St. 491-1771. $$ CAFÉ 4750 At the Italian kitchen and wine bar, Chef de Cuisine Garrett Gooch offers roasted sea bass, frutti di mare soup, clam linguini, panatela bruschetta and fresh gelatos. Dine indoors or on the terrace. FB. B, L & D, daily. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$$ CAFÉ KARIBO F Eclectic cuisine, served under the oaks in historic Fernandina, features sandwiches and chef’s specials.

Alfresco dining. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sat.; L, Sun. & Mon. 27 N. Third St. 277-5269. $$ CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY F European-style breads, pastries, croissants, muffins and pies baked daily. 1014 Atlantic Ave. 491-4663. $ EIGHT Contemporary sports lounge offers burgers, sandwiches, wings and nachos. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Fri. & Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

277-1100. $$ FERNANDELI F Classics with a Southern touch, like a onethird-pound devil dog, Reubens and pulled pork. Sandwiches and wraps built to order from fresh cold cuts, tuna, egg and turkey salads. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 17B S. Eighth St. 261-0008. $ GENNARO’S RISTORANTE ITALIANO F Southern Italian cuisine: pasta, gourmet ravioli, hand-tossed pizzas. Specialties are margharita pizza and shrimp feast. Bread is baked on-site.

CM, BW. L & D, daily. 5472 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island, 491-1999. $$ HALFTIME SPORTS BAR & GRILL F Sports bar fare includes onion rings, spring rolls, burgers, wraps and wings. Plenty of TVs show nearly every sport imaginable. BW. L & D, daily. 320 S. Eighth St. 321-0303. $ HAPPY TOMATO COURTYARD CAFE & BBQ Pulled pork sandwich, chicken salad and walnut chocolate chunk cookie, served in a laid-back atmosphere. BW. CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 7 S. Third St. 321-0707. $$ JACK & DIANE’S F Casual cafe offers steak & eggs, pancakes, Cajun scampi, etouffée, curry pizza, vegan black bean cakes, shrimp & grits, hand-carved steaks. FB. B, L & D, daily. 708 Centre St. 321-1444. $$ JOE’S 2ND STREET BISTRO Elegant island atmosphere. NY strip steak with sauces, Maine crab cakes, seafood fricassee and roast chicken penne pasta. BW. CM. D, nightly. 14 S. Second St. 321-2558. $$$ KABUKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Teppanyaki masters create your meal; plus a 37-item sushi bar. BW. D, Tue.-Sun. Amelia Plaza. 277-8782. $$ KELLEY’S COURTYARD CAFE F She crab soup, salads, fried green tomatoes, sandwiches and wraps are served indoors or out on the patio. Vegetarian dishes are also offered. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 19 S. Third St. 432-8213. $ LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE F An innovative lunch menu includes po’boys and seafood “little plates” served in a historic house. Dinner features fresh local seafood. Nightly specials. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations recommended. 11 S. Seventh St. 432-8394. $$ MONTEGO BAY COFFEE CAFE Locally owned and operated, with specialty coffees, fruit smoothies. Dine in or hit the drivethru. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 463363 S.R. 200, Yulee. 225-3600. $ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Northernstyle pizza by the pie or the slice. Choose from more than 20 toppings. Owner-selected wines and a large beer selection.

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 925 S. 14th St. 321-3400. $ THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE Organic eatery, juice bar. Extensive menu features vegetarian, vegan items. Daily specials: local seafood, free-range chicken, fresh organic produce. CM. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 833 TJ Courson Rd. 277-3141. $$ O’KANE’S IRISH PUB F Rustic, genuine Irish pub up front, eatery in back, featuring daily specials, fish-n-chips, and soups served in a sourdough bread bowl. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sun. 318 Centre St. 261-1000. $$ PEPPER’S MEXICAN GRILL & CANTINA F The family restaurant offers authentic Mexican cuisine. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 520 Centre St. 272-2011. $$ PICANTE GRILL ROTISSERIE BAR F Flavors of Peru and

Latin America, served in a modern atmosphere. Authentic Peruvian cebiche and homestyle empanadas. BW, CM, TO. L & D tue sat. 464073 S.R. 200, Ste. 2, Yulee. 310-9222. $$ PLAE *Bite Club Certified! In Omni Amelia Island Plantation’s Spa & Shops, the cozy venue offers an innovative and PLAEful dining experience. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, nightly. 277-2132. $$$ SALT, THE GRILL Best of Jax 2011 winner. Elegant dining featuring local seafood and produce, served in a contemporary coastal setting. FB. D, Tue.Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 491-6746. $$$$ SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL F Oceanfront dining; local seafood, shrimp, crab cakes, outdoor beachfront tiki & raw bar, covered deck and kids’ playground. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 277-6652. $$ THE SURF F Dine inside or on the large oceanview deck. Steaks, fresh fish, shrimp and nightly specials. Late-night menu. FB. L & D, daily. 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 261-5711. $$ TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES F The name pretty much says it all. Tasty’s offers burgers (Angus beef, turkey or veggie) and fries (like cheese fries, sweet potato fries), along with dogs, shakes, floats and soup. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, Bakery Moderne is a neighborhood bakery specializing in classic pastries, artisanal breads and seasonal favorites, all made from BW. 710 Centre St. 321-0409. $ scratch on Stockton Street in Riverside.

T-RAY’S BURGER STATION F A favorite local spot; Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Grilled or blackened fish sandwiches, homemade burgers. BW, TO. B & L, Mon.ORSAY Best of Jax 2011 winner. The French/American bistro roast duckling and fried snapper. BW. R. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.Sat. 202 S. Eighth St. 261-6310. $ focuses on craftsmanship and service. FB. D, Mon.-Sat.; Sat. 9846 Old Baymeadows Rd. 645-9911. $$ 29 SOUTH EATS F Part of historic Fernandina Beach’s Brunch & D, Sun. 3630 Park St. 381-0909. $$$ MANDALOUN MEDITERRANEAN CUISINE *Bite Club downtown scene. Award-winning Chef Scotty serves TOM & BETTY’S F A Jacksonville tradition for more than 30 Certified! F The Lebanese restaurant offers authentic traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, years, Tom & Betty’s serves hefty sandwiches with classic car cuisine: lahm meshwe, kafta khoshkhas and baked filet of Mon.-Sat.; Sun. brunch. 29 S. Third St. 277-7919. $$ themes, along with homemade-style dishes. CM, FB. L & D, red snapper. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9862 Old Baymeadows Rd. Mon.-Sat. 4409 Roosevelt Blvd. 387-3311. $$ 646-1881. $$ ’town F Owner Meghan Purcell and Executive Chef Scott NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax EAST COAST BUFFET F A 160+ item Chinese, Japanese, Ostrander bring farm-to-table to Northeast Florida, offering 2011 winner. The organic supermarket offers a full deli and a American and Italian buffet. Dine in, take out. FB. L & D, Mon.American fare with an emphasis on sustainability. FB. L & D, hot bar with fresh soups, quesadillas, rotisserie chicken and Sat.; Sun. brunch. 9569 Regency Sq. Blvd. N. 726-9888. $$ Mon.-Sat. 3611 St. Johns Ave. 345-2596. $$ vegan sushi, as well as a fresh juice and smoothie bar. 11030 KABUTO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR Steak & Baymeadows Rd. 260-2791. $ shrimp, filet mignon & lobster, shrimp & scallops, a sushi bar, OMAHA STEAKHOUSE *Bite Club Certified! Center-cut teppanyaki grill and traditional Japanese cuisine. CM, FB. L & beef, seafood, sandwiches served in an English tavern AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 8060 D, daily. 10055 Atlantic Blvd. 724-8883. $$$ atmosphere. The signature dish is a 16-ounce bone-in Philips Hwy. 731-4300. $ LA NOPALERA Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal. ribeye. Desserts include crème brûlée. FB. L & D, daily. 9300 ANCIENT CITY SUBS Locally owned-and-operated by Andy 8818 Atlantic Blvd. 720-0106. $ Baymeadows Rd., Embassy Suites Hotel. 739-6633. $$ and Rhonna Rockwell, this St. Augustine-themed sandwich NERO’S CAFE F Traditional Italian fare, including seafood, PATTAYA THAI GRILLE F Traditional Thai and vegetarian shop, newly relocated to Baymeadows, serves gourmet subs veal, beef, chicken and pasta dishes. Weekly specials are items and a 40-plus item vegetarian menu served in a — toasted, pressed or cold — and salads. CM, TO. Mon.-Sat. lasagna, 2-for-1 pizza and AYCE spaghetti. CM, FB. L, Sun.; D, contemporary atmosphere. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 207. 446-9988. $ daily. 3607 University Blvd. N. 743-3141. $$ Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1. 646-9506. $$ BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA F Family-ownedREGENCY ALE HOUSE & RAW BAR Generous portions and PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 3928 Baymeadows Rd. &-operated New York-style pizzeria serves hand-tossed, friendly service in a nautical atmosphere. Fresh fish, specialty 527-8649. $$ brick-oven-baked pizza, traditional Italian dinners, wings, subs. pastas, fresh oysters and clams. BW. L & D, daily. 9541 STICKY FINGERS F Memphis-style rib house specializes in Delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 10920 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 3.

Regency Square Blvd. S. 720-0551. $$ barbecue ribs served several ways. FB. L & D, daily. 8129 Point TREY’S DELI & GRILL F Fresh food served in a relaxed 519-8000. $$ Meadows Way. 493-7427. $$ atmosphere. Burgers, Trey’s Reuben, deli sandwiches, pork, CAFE CONFLUENCE F The European coffeehouse serves UDIPI CAFE Authentic South Indian vegetarian cuisine. L & D, steaks, seafood, pies. Prime rib specials every Fri. night. CM, Italian specialty coffees and smoothies, along with paninis, Tue.-Fri. 8642 Baymeadows Rd. 402-8084. $ BW. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 2044 Rogero Rd. 744-3690. $$ salads and European chocolates. Outdoor dining. BW. L & D, VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 9910 Old UNIVERSITY DINER F The popular diner serves familiar Tue.-Sun. 8612 Baymeadows Rd. 733-7840. $ Baymeadows Rd. 641-7171. $ breakfast fare and lunch like meatloaf, burgers, sandwiches: CHA-CHA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT F Owner Celso wraps, BLTs, clubs, melts. Daily specials. BW. B & L, Sat. & Alvarado offers authentic Mexican fare with 26 combo dinners Sun.; B, L & D, Mon.-Fri. 5959 Merrill Rd. 762-3433. $ and specialty dishes including chalupas, enchiladas, burritos.

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd. 737-9903. $$ A LA CARTE Authentic New England fare like Maine lobster CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F Chicago-style deepdish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from the Comastro rolls, fried Ipswich clams, crab or clam cake sandwich, fried BISCOTTIS F Mozzarella bruschetta, Avondale pizza, family, serving authentic Windy City favorites for 25+ years. shrimp basket, haddock sandwich, clam chowdah, birch beer sandwiches, espresso, cappuccino. Revolving daily specials.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy. 731-9797. $$ and blueberry soda. Dine inside or on the deck. TO. L, Fri.-Tue. B, Tue.-Sun.; L & D, daily. 3556 St. Johns Ave. 387-2060. $$$ DEERWOOD DELI & DINER F The ’50s-style diner serves 331 First Ave. N. 241-2005. $$ THE BLUE FISH RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR Fresh seafood, malts, shakes, Reubens, Cubans, burgers, and traditional AL’S PIZZA F Serving hand-tossed gourmet pizzas, calzones steaks and more are served in a casual atmosphere. Halfbreakfast items. CM. B & L, daily. 9934 Old Baymeadows Rd. and Italian entrees for more than 21 years. Voted Best Pizza by portions are available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 3551 St. Johns 641-4877. $$ Folio Weekly readers from 1996-2011. BW. L & D, daily. 303 Ave., Shoppes of Avondale. 387-0700. $$$ THE FIFTH ELEMENT F Authentic Indian, South Indian and Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-0002. $ BRICK RESTAURANT F Creative all-American fare like tuna Indochinese dishes made with artistic flair. Lunch buffet ANGIE’S SUBS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Subs are madetartare, seaweed salad and Kobe burger. Outside dining. FB. includes lamb, goat, chicken, tandoori and biryani items. CM. L to-order fresh. Serious casual. Wicked good iced tea. 1436 L & D, daily. 3585 St. Johns Ave. 387-0606. $$$ & D, daily. 9485 Baymeadows Rd. 448-8265. $$ Beach Blvd. 246-2519. $ BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET F The full THE CASBAH F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Middle Eastern GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 8650 Baymeadows fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, oyster cuisine is served in a friendly atmosphere. BW. L & D, daily.

Rd. 448-0500. $$ baskets, Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or outside. Beach 3628 St. Johns Ave. 981-9966. $$ INDIA RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Extensive delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 120 S. Third St. 444-8862. $$ ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE F Gauchos carve the menu of entrées, clay-oven grilled Tandoori specialties and BONGIORNO’S PHILLY STEAK SHOP F South Philly’s meat onto your plate from serving tables. FB. D, Tue.-Sun., chicken tandoor, fish, seafood and korma. L, Mon.-Sat., D, Bongiorno clan imports Amoroso rolls for Real Deal cheeseclosed Mon. 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40. 388-4884. $$$ daily. 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8. 620-0777. $$ steak, Original Gobbler, clubs, wraps, burgers, dogs. BW, CM. L THE FOX RESTAURANT F The Fox has been a Jacksonville LARRY’S GIANT SUBS F With locations all over Northeast & D, daily. 2294 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach. 246-3278. $$ landmark for 50-plus years. Owners Ian & Mary Chase serve Florida, Larry’s piles subs up with fresh fixins and serves ’em BONO’S PIT BAR-B-Q F Baby back ribs, fried corn, sweet classic diner-style fare, homemade desserts. B & L daily. 3580 fast. Some Larry’s Subs offer B & W and/or serve breakfast. potatoes. BW. L & D, daily. 1307 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach.

St. Johns Ave. 387-2669. $ CM. L & D, daily. 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9 (Goodby’s 270-2666. 1266 S. Third St. 249-8704. bonosbarbq.com $ GREEN MAN GOURMET Organic and natural products, spices, Creek), 737-7740; 8616 Baymeadows Rd. 739-2498.

BUDDHA THAI BISTRO F Authentic Thai dishes made with teas, salts, BW. Open daily. 3543 St. Johns Ave. 384-0002. $ larryssubs.com $ fresh ingredients using tried-and-true recipes. FB, TO. L & D, MOJO NO. 4 F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3572 LEMONGRASS F Upscale Thai cuisine in a metropolitan daily. 301 10th Ave. N. 372-9149. $$ St. Johns Ave. 381-6670. $$ atmosphere. Chef Aphayasane’s innovative creations include

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

BAYMEADOWS

BEACHES

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BURRITO GALLERY EXPRESS F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

The Gallery’s kid sister at the beach each is mostly take-out; same great chow, fast service. 1333 N. Third St. 242-8226. $ CAMPECHE BAY CANTINA F Homemade-style Mexican items are fajitas, enchiladas and fried ice cream, plus margaritas. FB. D, nightly. 127 First Ave. N. 249-3322. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield.

2429 S. Third St. 372-9000. $ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 320 N. First St. 270-8565. $$ CRAB CAKE FACTORY JAX *Bite Club Certified! F Chef Khan Vongdara presents an innovative menu of seafood dishes and seasonal favorites. FB. L & D daily. 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza. 247-9880. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner, serving burgers, sandwiches, nachos, tacos, quesadillas and cheese fries. 319 23rd Ave. S. 270-0356. $ CULHANE’S IRISH PUB *Bite Club Certified! Four sisters own and operate the authentic Irish pub, with faves Guinness stew, lamb sliders and fish pie. L, Fri.-Sun.; D, Tue.-Sun.; weekend brunch. FB, CM. 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach.

249-9595. $$ CYCLONES TEX-MEX CANTINA F Freshly made Tex-Mex favorites, including fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, tamales and taco salad. Lunch combos include Mexican rice and beans. FB. L & D, daily. 1222 S. Third St. 694-0488. $$ DICK’S WINGS F The casual NASCAR-themed place serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and salads. BW, TO. L & D daily. 2434 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 372-0298. 311 N. Third St., 853-5004. $ DWIGHT’S The Mediterranean-style bistro features fresh local seafood, filet mignon, mixed grill and an extensive wine list. D, Tue.-Sat. 1527 Penman Rd. 241-4496. $$$$ ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY F The Best of Jax 2011 winner serves gastropub fare: soups, salads, flatbreads and sandwiches, like BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Daily specials. CM, BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217. 249-2337. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 992 Beach Blvd. 249-3001. $ FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Casual dining with uptown Irish flair, including fish and chips, Guinness beef stew and black-and-tan brownies. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 242-9499. $$ THE FISH COMPANY *Bite Club Certified! F Fresh, local seafood is served, including Mayport shrimp, fish baskets and grilled tuna and there’s an oyster bar. L & D, daily. CM, FB. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 12, Atlantic Beach. 246-0123. $$ HOT DOG HUT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. All-beef hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, crab cakes, beer-battered onion rings and French fries. B. L, daily. 1439 S. Third St. 247-8886. $ ICHIBAN F Three dining areas: teppan or hibachi tables (watch a chef prepare your food), a sushi bar and Westernstyle seating offering tempura and teriyaki. FB, Japanese plum wine. L & D, daily. 675 N. Third St. 247-4688. $$ LYNCH’S IRISH PUB The full-service restaurant offers corned beef & cabbage, Shepherd’s pie, fish-n-chips. 30+ beers on tap. FB. L, Sat. & Sun., D, daily. 514 N. First St. 249-5181. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Southside. 1080 Third St. N. 241-5600. $ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

1534 N. Third St. 853-6817. $$ MEZZA LUNA F A Beaches tradition for 20-plus years.

Great food, from gourmet wood-fired pizzas to contemporary American cuisine. Inside or patio dining. Extensive wine list. CM, FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 110 First St., Neptune Beach. 249-5573. $$$ MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Traditional slow-cooked Southern barbecue served in a blues bar. Faves are pulled pork, Texas brisket, slow-cooked ribs. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1500 Beach Blvd. 247-6636. $$ MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN F For 25-plus years, Monkey’s has served pub grub, burgers, sandwiches, seafood and wings.

Dine inside or out on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1850 S. Third St. 246-1070. $ NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Executive Chef Kenny Gilbert’s cuisine features local fare and innovative dishes, served in an island atmosphere. Dine inside or out on the tiki deck. FB. L & D, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 2309 Beach Blvd. 247-3300. $$ NORTH BEACH BISTRO *Bite Club Certified! Casual dining with an elegant touch, like slow-cooked veal osso buco; calypso crusted mahi mahi with spiced plantain chips. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach.

372-4105. $$$ OCEAN 60 A prix fixe menu is offered. Continental cuisine, with fresh seafood, nightly specials and a changing seasonal menu.

Dine in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. D, Mon.Sat. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 247-0060. $$$ PACO’S MEXICAN GRILL Serving Baja-style Mexican cuisine, featuring carne asada, tacos, burritos, fish tacos and shrimp burritos. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 208-5097. $ THE PIER RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The oceanfront place offers fresh, local fare. Upstairs, it’s Chef’s Menu, with stuffed flounder, pork tenderloin, appetizers.

Downstairs bar and patio offer casual items, daily drink specials. CM, FB. D, daily; L & D, weekends; brunch, Sun. 412 N. First St. 246-6454. $$ PHILLY’S FINEST F Authentic Philly-style cheesesteaks made with imported Amorosa rolls. Hoagies, wings and pizza ... cold

beer, too. FB. L & D, daily. 1527 N. Third St. 241-7188. $$ POE’S TAVERN F American gastropub offers 50+ beers with an emphasis on craft and local/regional selections. Gourmet hamburgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, quesadillas, Edgar’s Drunken Chili and daily fish sandwich special. L & D, daily. FB, CM. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7637. $$ RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Beaches landmark serves grilled seafood with a Cajun/Creole accent. Hand-crafted cold beer. FB. L & D, daily.

207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. $$ SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK F Best of Jax ’11 winner. Specialty menu items include signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp. Casual, trendy open-air space. FB, TO, CM. L & D, daily. 1018 N. Third St. 372-4456. $$ SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. 111 Beach Blvd. 482-1000. $$ SUN DOG STEAK & SEAFOOD *Bite Club Certified! F Eclectic American fare, art deco décor with an authentic diner feel. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221. $$ TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA F Fresh, Baja-style Mexican fare, with a focus on fish tacos and tequila, as well as fried cheese, bangin’ shrimp and verde chicken tacos. Valet parking. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1183 Beach Blvd. 249-8226. $$ VOO-SWAR RESTAURANT & LOUNGE Traditional soul food includes smothered ork chops, collard greens, meatloaf, barbecue, pulled pork. FB, CM. L & D, MOn.-Sat. 51 Roberts St., Atlantic Beach. 713-5551. $ THE WINE BAR The casual neighborhood place has a tapasstyle menu, fire-baked flatbreads and a wine selection. Tue.Sun. 320 N. First St. 372-0211. $$

DOWNTOWN

(The Jacksonville Landing venues are at 2 Independent Drive) ADAMS STREET DELI & GRILL The lunch spot serves wraps, including grilled chicken, and salads, including Greek salad. L, Mon.-Fri. 126 W. Adams St. 475-1400. $$ BURRITO GALLERY & BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Southwest cuisine, traditional American salads. Burritos and more burritos. Onsite art gallery. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-2922. $ CAFÉ NOLA AT MOCA JAX On the first floor of Museum of Contemporary Art, Cafe Nola serves shrimp and grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Thur. 333 N. Laura St. 366-6911 ext. 231. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. The Jacksonville Landing. 354-7747. $$$ CITY HALL PUB A sports bar vibe: 16 big-screen HDTVs. Angus burgers, dogs, sandwiches, AYCE wings buffet. FB. Free downtown area lunch delivery. L & D, daily. 234 Randolph Blvd.

356-6750. $$ DE REAL TING CAFE F The popular restaurant offers a Caribbean lunch buffet Tue.-Fri. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 128 W. Adams St. 633-9738. $ FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT New location.

See Beaches. FB, CM. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176. 374-1247. $$ INDOCHINE Best of Jax 2011 winner. Serving Thai and Southeast Asian cuisine in the core of downtown. Signature dishes include favorites like chicken Satay, soft shell crab, and mango and sticky rice for dessert. BW, FB, TO. L, Mon.-Fri., D, Tue.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-5303. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE Family-owned-and-operated.

Jenkins offers beef, pork, chicken, homemade desserts. L & D, daily. 830 N. Pearl St. 353-6388. $ TRELLISES HYATT REGENCY The American cuisine restaurant offers a breakfast buffet with made-to-order omelet station and a la carte items. Signature lunch and dinner entrees include grouper salad, Angus burgers, Reubens, French onion grilled cheese, seafood and steaks. Wed. night Pastabilities.

CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 225 East Coastline Dr. 634-4540. $$$ KOJA SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Sushi, Japanese, Asian and Korean cuisine. Indoor and outdoor dining and bar.

FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing. 350-9911. $$ NORTHSTAR SUBSTATION F This place features brick-ovenbaked pizzas, grinders, wings, Philly cheesesteaks, custom sandwiches and fries served in a laid-back setting. FB, 27 beers on draft. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 119 E. Bay St. 860-5451. $ OLIO MARKET F Freshly prepared sandwiches, salads, soups and entrées. In the Churchwell Lofts building, Olio partners eclectic tastes with Old World ambiance in a casual renovated space. L, Mon.-Fri.; late Art Walk. 301 E. Bay St. 356-7100. $$ SKYLINE DINING & CONFERENCE CENTER Weekday lunch includes salad bar, hot meals and a carving station. L, Sun. upon request. FB. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 3550. 791-9797. $$ VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic Italian oven-baked pasta dishes, pizza, veal, chicken and seafood items made with fresh ingredients. CM, FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 174. 355-0064. $$ ZODIAC GRILL F Serving Mediterranean cuisine and American favorites, with a popular lunch buffet. FB. L & D, daily. 120 W. Adams St. 354-8283. $

1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 904.389.4442

925 S. 14th St. 904.321.3400

FLEMING ISLAND

CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 406 Old Hard Road, Ste. 106. 213-7779. $$

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 37

GRILL ME! A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ

NAME: Cindy Tringali

Walter Coker

RESTAURANT: Carmelo’s Pizzeria, 146 King St., St. Augustine BIRTHPLACE: Jacksonville FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than my own): Ruth’s Chris Steak House FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Southern FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Salt and pepper.

IDEAL MEAL: Wings, salad, and grilled chicken with steamed veggies and Key lime pie for dessert.

WOULDN’T EAT IF YOU PAID ME: Mushrooms.

MOST MEMORABLE RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE: Every day is memorable in its own way.

INSIDER’S SECRET: Always add extra love to everything.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: David Garrard.

CULINARY GUILTY PLEASURE: Frozen hot chocolate.

GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F See Riverside. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 1915 East West Pkwy., 541-0009. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100. 215-2223. $ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Southside. 1800 Town Center Pkwy. 541-1999. $ MOJO SMOKEHOUSE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. FB. L & D, daily. 1810 Town Ctr. Blvd. 264-0636. $$ WHITEY’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The renowned seafood place, family-owned since 1963, offers AYCE freshwater catfish. Also steaks, pastas. Outdoor waterfront dining. And you can get there by car, boat or bike.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 2032 C.R. 220. 269-4198. $

INTRACOASTAL

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 14286 Beach Blvd. (at San Pablo Rd.) 223-0991. $ AROY THAI FUSION The new restaurant offers authentic Thai cuisine, including pad Thai, Thai fried rice and traditional curry dishes. Daily happy hour, FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13475 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 40. 374-0161. $$ BIG DAWG’S SPORTS RESTAURANT F The family-friendly casual sports place has wings, burgers, sandwiches, wraps and specialty salads. Kids get a Puppy Chow menu. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12630 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 551-3059. $$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA, PASTA, PANINIS F Authentic New Yorkstyle pizza, Italian pastas and desserts in a family atmosphere.

CM, BW. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36. 223-6913. $ CLIFF’S ROCKIN’ BAR-N-GRILL F Cliff’s features 8-ounce burgers, wings, steak, seafood, homemade pizza and daily specials. FB. L & D, daily. Smoking permitted. 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, Cobblestone Plaza. 645-5162. $$ EL RANCHITO Latin American cuisine includes dishes from Colombia, Cuba and Mexico. BW, CM, TO. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 22. 992-4607. $$ GOOD FOOD COMPANY The fine-dining restaurant and full-service catering company emphasizes using quality raw ingredients to create menus based on local, seasonal and organic products, served in an elegant atmosphere. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 13475 Atlantic Blvd. 329-2407. $$ ISTANBUL MEDITERRANEAN & ITALIAN CUISINE F A varied menu offers European cuisine including lamb, beef and chicken dishes, as well as pizza and wraps. BW. L & D, daily.

13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 26. 220-9192. $$ JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE F The menu includes wings, hamburgers, Ahi tuna and handcut steaks. CM, FB. Daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22. 220-6766. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Family-ownedand-operated, serving authentic Mexican cuisine, like tamales, fajitas, pork tacos, in a casual family atmosphere. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd. 992-1666. $ MILANO’S RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA Homemade Italian cuisine, breads, pizzas, calzones and specialty dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 646-9119. $$ MY MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT See St. Johns Town Center.

13546 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1A. 821-9880. $ THAI ORCHID F The restaurant serves authentic Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, including pad Thai, Thai curry dishes and rice dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 683-1286. $$ TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL F Wings, gourmet pizza, fresh seafood and specialty wraps. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5. 223-6999. $$

JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS

BLACKSTONE GRILLE The menu blends flavors from a variety

38 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

of cultures and influences for modern American fusion cuisine, served in a bistro-style setting. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri., D, Sat.; Sun. brunch. 112 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 102.

287-0766. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F See Intracoastal. 540 S.R. 13, Ste. 10, Fruit Cove. 287-8317. $$ HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE F Wings, big salads, burgers, wraps and sandwiches. Sports events on HDTVs. CM, FB. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101. 683-1964. $ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk.

230-2171. $ VINO’S PIZZA Vino’s Pizza – with four Jacksonville locations – makes all their Italian and American dishes with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. 605 S.R. 13, Ste. 103. 230-6966. $ WAKAME JAPANESE & THAI CUISINE F The fine dining restaurant offers authentic Japanese and Thai cuisine, including a full sushi menu, curries and pad dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 108. 230-6688. $$

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 11190 San Jose Blvd. 260-4115. $ AW SHUCKS F The seafood place offers an oyster bar, steaks, seafood, wings, pasta. Faves: ahi tuna, shrimp & grits, oysters Rockefeller. Sweet potato puffs are the signature side. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd. 240-0368. $$ THE BLUE CRAB CRABHOUSE F A Maryland-style crabhouse featuring fresh blue crabs, garlic crabs, and king, snow and Dungeness crab legs. FB, CM. D, Tue.-Sat.; L & D, Sun. 3057 Julington Creek Rd. 260-2722. $$ BRAZILIAN JAX CAFE Authentic Brazilian dishes include steaks, sausages, chicken, fish, burgers and hot sandwiches made with fresh ingredients. Traditional feijoada (black beans and pork stew with rice, collards, orange salad and toasted yucca flour with bacon) is served every Sat. TO. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9825 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 20. 880-3313. $$ BROOKLYN PIZZA F The traditional pizzeria serves New York-style pizza, specialty pies, and subs, strombolis and calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 11406 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 288-9211. 13820 St. Augustine Rd., 880-0020. $ CLARK’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Clark’s has steak, ribs, AYCE catfish dinners, 3-pound prime rib.

Dine in, out or in a creek-view glass-enclosed room. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 12903 Hood Landing Rd. 268-3474. $$ DON JUAN’S RESTAURANT F Authentic Mexican dishes prepared daily from scratch, served in a casual atmosphere.

FB, CM. L & D, daily. 12373 San Jose Blvd. 268-8722. $$ GIGI’S RESTAURANT Breakfast buffet daily, lunch buffet weekdays. The Comedy Zone (Best of Jax 2011 winner) has an appetizer menu. FB. B, L & D, daily. I-295 & San Jose Blvd.

(Ramada Inn). 268-8080. $$ (Fri. & Sat. buffet, $$$) HALA CAFE & BAKERY F See Southside. 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd. 288-8890. $$ HARMONIOUS MONKS The American-style steakhouse features a 9-oz. choice Angus center-cut filet topped with gorgonzola shiitake mushroom cream sauce, 8-oz. gourmet burgers, fall-off-the-bone ribs, wraps, sandwiches. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30.

880-3040. $$ KOBE JAPANESE RESTAURANT The fusion-style sushi restaurant offers oyster shooters, kobe beef shabu-shabu, Chilean sea bass and filet mignon. BW & sake. L & D, daily.

11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 8. 288-7999. $$ MAMA FU’S ASIAN HOUSE MSG-free pan-Asian cuisine prepared to order in woks using fresh ingredients. Authentic

Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 11105 San Jose Blvd. 260-1727. $$ MANDARIN ALE HOUSE Laid-back atmosphere; 30-plus beers on tap. FB. L & D, daily. 11112 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 19.

292-0003. $$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

12807 San Jose Blvd. 638-6185. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Organic supermarket with full deli and salad bar serving wraps, quesadillas, chopped salads, vegetarian dishes. Fresh juice and smoothie bar. Indoor and outdoor seating. Mon.-Sat. 10000 San Jose Blvd. 260-6950. $ PICASSO’S PIZZERIA F Specializes in hand-tossed gourmet pizza, calzones, homemade New York-style cheesecake and handmade pasta. Fresh local seafood and steaks. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 10503 San Jose Blvd. 880-0811. $$ THE RED ELEPHANT PIZZA & GRILL This casual, familyfriendly eatery serves pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials and pasta dishes. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12. 683-3773. $$ SIMPLE FAIRE F Breakfast and lunch favorites, featuring Boar’s Head meats and cheeses served on fresh bread. Daily specials. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3020 Hartley Rd. 683-2542. $$ TANK’S FAMILY BAR-B-Q Owned and operated by the Tankersley family, the barbecue place offers made-from-scratch Southern-style fare, featuring their own sauces. CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 11701 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 23. 351-8265. $$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 4268 Oldfield Crossing Dr. 268-6660. $ WHOLE FOODS MARKET F 100+ prepared items at a fullservice and self-service hot bar, soup bar, dessert bar. Madeto-order Italian specialties from a brick oven pizza hearth. L & D, daily. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22. 288-1100. $$

ORANGE PARK

ARON’S PIZZA F The family-owned restaurant offers eggplant dishes, manicotti and New York-style pizza. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 650 Park Ave. 269-1007. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F For 18-plus years, the sports-themed family restaurant has served wings, ribs, entrees, sandwiches.

FB. L & D, daily. 9680 Argyle Forest Blvd. 425-6466. $$ THE HILLTOP CLUB She-crab soup, scallops, prime beef, wagyu beef, chicken Florentine and stuffed grouper. Chef Nick’s salmon is a favorite. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. 2030 Wells Rd. 272-5959. $$ JOEY MOZARELLAS The Italian restaurant’s specialty is a 24-slice pizza: 18”x26” of fresh ingredients and sauces made daily. CM, TO. L & D, daily. 930 Blanding Blvd. 579-4748. $$ PASTA MARKET & CLAM BAR F Family-owned-andoperated. Gourmet pizza, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. The pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine, lasagna, calzones, linguini, ravioli, made with fresh ingredients, homemade-style.

CM, BW, sangria. 1930 Kingsley Ave. 276-9551. D, nightly. $$ POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA F Pizzas are baked in coal-fired ovens. Popular pizzas include Health Choice and Mozzarella.

Coal-fired sandwiches and wings, too. BW. L & D, daily. 2134 Park Ave. 264-6116. $$ THE ROADHOUSE F Burgers, wings, deli sandwiches and popular lunches are served. FB. L & D, daily. 231 Blanding Blvd. 264-0611. $ THAI GARDEN F Traditional Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, served in a relaxed atmosphere. Curry dishes and specialty selections with authentic Thai flavors. BW. L, Mon.Fri.; D, nightly. 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. A. 272-8434. $$

PONTE VEDRA, NE ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA F See Beaches. BW. L & D, daily. 635 A1A. 543-1494. $ AQUA GRILL Upscale cuisine includes fresh seafood, Angus steaks, Maine lobster, vegetarian dishes. Outdoor patio seating. FB. L, Mon.-Sat.; D, nightly. 950 Sawgrass Village Dr. 285-3017. $$$ THE AUGUSTINE GRILLE *Bite Club Certified! Chef Brett Smith’s global cuisine is seasonal and local. Selections include prime steaks, New York strip, lamb and lobster Napoleon.

FB, CM. D, nightly. 1000 PGA Tour Blvd., Sawgrass Marriott.

285-7777. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F Authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas, paninis, desserts. Family atmosphere. CM. L & D, daily.

880 A1A, Ste. 8. 280-7677. $$ CAFFE ANDIAMO Traditional Italian cuisine features fresh seafood, veal, homemade pastas and wood-fired pizza prepared in a copper clad oven. An extensive wine list is offered in a cosmopolitan atmosphere. Dine indoors or Out on the terrace. L & D, daily. 500 Sawgrass Village. 280-2299. $$$ LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE F On the Intracoastal Waterway, LuLu’s can be reached by car or by boat. Seafood, steaks and pasta dishes with a sophisticated flair. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 301 N. Roscoe Blvd. 285-0139. $$ NINETEEN AT TPC SAWGRASS In Sawgrass’ Tournament Players Club, Nineteen features more than 230 wines and freshly prepared American and Continental cuisine, including local seafood, served inside or al fresco on the verandah. L & D, daily. 110 Championship Way. 273-3235. $$$ PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE *Bite Club Certified! F Freshly prepared Caribbean cuisine, including red snapper Ponte

Vedra Jamaican grilled pork ribs and barbecued salmon tower.

Tropical rum drinks feature Pusser’s Painkiller. FB. L & D, daily.

816 A1A N., Ste. 100. 280-7766. L, $$; D, $$ RESTAURANT MEDURE Chef Matthew Medure offers eclectic cuisine of local and imported seafood with Southern and Asian influences. F/B. D, Mon.-Sat. 818 A1A N. 543-3797. $$$ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 8141 A1A. 285-0014. $$$$ 619 OCEAN VIEW Dining with a Mediterranean touch, featuring fresh seafood, steaks and nightly specials. FB, CM. D, Wed.-Sun. 619 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Cabana Beach Club.

285-6198. $$$ URBAN FLATS See St. Johns Town Center. FB. L & D, daily.

330 A1A N. 280-5515. $$

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AJ’S ON PARK STREET F AJ’s is a casual barbecue spot serving smoked St. Louis-style ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, seafood and dishes made with a Latin touch. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 630 Park St. 359-0035. $$ ALPHADOG GRILL F This fun place in Riverside features gourmet hot dogs — like Ragin’ Cajun (andouille sausage covered in jambalaya) and The Hippie (veggie dog) — and sausages, grilled chicken wraps, soups, salads, appetizers and wings. L & D, daily. BW. 2782 Park St. 374-8715. $ AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 1620 Margaret St. 388-8384. $ BAKERY MODERNE F The neighborhood bakery has classic pastries, artisanal breads, seasonal favorites, made from scratch, including petit fours, custom cakes. B & L, daily. 869 Stockton St., Ste. 6. 389-7117. $ BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS The new spot offers artisancrafted, small-batch roasted specialty coffees from its certified organic roastery and brew bar, including lattes, local pastries, craft beers. BW. 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1 & 2. 855-1181. $ CARMINE’S PIE HOUSE F The Italian eatery has pizza by the slice, gourmet pizzas, appetizers, classic Italian dishes (calzone, stromboli, subs, panini) and microbrews in a casual atmosphere. BW, CM, TO. 2677 Forbes St. 387-1400. $$ COOL MOOSE F Classic sandwiches, eclectic wraps and desserts. An extensive gourmet coffee menu with Green Mountain coffees and frozen coffee drinks. B & L, daily.

Brunch, Sun. 2708 Park St. 381-4242. $ EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 2753 Park St. 384-9999. $ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 6677 103rd St., Westside, 777-6135. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F A deli, organic and natural grocery, and juice & smoothie bar offers teas, coffees, gourmet cheeses; natural, organic and raw items. Grab-andgo sandwiches, salads and sides. Craft beers, organic wines.

B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 2007 Park St. 384-4474. $ HJ’S BAR & GRILL Traditional American fare: burgers, sandwiches, wraps and platters of ribs, shrimp and fish. CM, FB. L & D, Sat. & Sun., D, Mon.-Fri. 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., Ste. 1. 317-2783. $$ HOVAN MEDITERRANEAN GOURMET F Dine inside or on the patio. Mediterranean entrées include lamb, and beef gyros. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 2005-1 Park St. 381-9394. $ JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILL F A Riverside tradition, serving 60+ fresh deli and grill items, including hot sandwiches. L, Mon.Fri. 474 Riverside Ave. 356-8055. $ KICKBACKS GASTROPUB F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood spot serves favorites 20 hours a day, every day.

655+ bottled beers, 84 on tap. Outdoor seating. CM. 910 King St. 388-9551. $$ MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BBQ Smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs. Homemade-style sides include green beans, baked beans, red cole slaw, collards. BW, CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551. $$ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Amelia Island. 1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 389-4442. $ MOSSFIRE GRILL F Southwestern menu with ahi tuna tacos, goat cheese enchiladas and gouda quesadillas. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1537 Margaret St. 355-4434. $$ MY MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT See St. Johns Town Center.

1661 Riverside Ave., Ste. 128. 900-1955. $ O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB F Innovative Irish fare and traditional faves are offered, like lambburger with Stilton crust, Guinness mac & cheese, Shepherd’s pie and fish-n-chips — plus 18 beers on tap. L, daily except Mon.; D, daily. CM, FB. 1521 Margaret St. 854-9300. $$ PELE’S WOOD FIRE Chef Micah Windham uses a wood-fired oven to create traditional, authentic Italian fare with a modern twist. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 2665 Park St. 955-1278. $$ PERARD’S PIZZA & ITALIAN CUISINE F Traditional Italian fare with fresh sauces and dough made from scratch daily.

Large selection of gourmet pizza toppings. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 11043 Crystal Springs Rd., Ste. 2. 378-8131. $ PERFECT RACK BILLIARDS F Upscale billiards hall has burgers, steak, deli sandwiches, wings. Family-friendly, nonsmoking. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 1186 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill. 738-7645. $ PIZZA PALACE ON PARK F See San Marco. Outdoor seating.

920 Margaret St., 5 Points. 598-1212. $$

SAKE HOUSE F Japanese grill and sushi bar features sushi, sashimi, katsu, tempura, hibachi and specialty rolls. CM, BW, sake. L & D, daily. 824 Lomax St. 301-1188. $$ SUMO SUSHI F Authentic Japanese fare, traditional to entrees and sushi rolls, spicy sashimi salad, gyoza (pork dumpling), tobiko (flying fish roe), Rainbow roll (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, Calif. roll). BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2726 Park St. 388-8838. $$ SUSHI CAFÉ A variety of sushi, including the popular Monster Roll and the Jimmy Smith Roll, along with faves like Rockn-Roll and Dynamite Roll. Sushi Café also offers hibachi, tempura, katsu and teriyaki. BW. Dine indoors or on the patio.

L & D, daily. 2025 Riverside Ave. Publix Plaza. 384-2888. $$ TASTI D-LITE Health-conscious desserts include smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cakes and pies, made with fresh ingredients with fewer calories and less fat. More than 100 flavors. Open daily. 1024 Park St. 900-3040. $ TWO DOORS DOWN F Traditional faves: hotcakes, omelets, burgers, pork chops, liver & onions, fried chicken, sides and desserts. CM, TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 436 Park St. 598-0032. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE buffet. Sushi bar, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, steak, seafood. BW. L & D, daily. 1014 Margaret St., Ste. 1, 5 Points. 301-1199. $$

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS F The Ancient City’s only brew pub taps seven hand-crafted ales and lagers. A1A specializes in innovative New World cuisine. FB. L & D, daily. 1 King St. 829-2977. $$ AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT F A family-owned-andoperated Italian restaurant offers traditional pasta, veal, steak and seafood dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1915B A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-0102. $$ ANN O’MALLEY’S F Fresh handmade sandwiches, soups, salads and perfectly poured Guinness. Favorites include Reubens and chicken salad. CM, BW, Irish beers on tap. L & D, daily. 23 Orange St. 825-4040. $$ BARLEY REPUBLIC IRISH PUBLIC HOUSE This new Irish bar and pub in historic downtown offers burgers, sandwiches, shepherd’s pie and bangers and mash. BW. L & D, daily. 48 Spanish St. 547-2023. $$ BARNACLE BILL’S F For 30 years, the family restaurant has served seafood, oysters, gator tail, steak and fried shrimp. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily; 14 Castillo Drive, 824-3663. $$ THE BLACK MOLLY BAR & GRILL Fresh, local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes in a casual atmosphere. FB, CM. L & D daily.

504 Geoffrey St., Cobblestone Plaza. 547-2723. $$ BORRILLO’S PIZZA & SUBS F Specialty pizzas are Borrillo’s Supreme (extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage), white and vegetarian pizzas. Subs and pasta dinners. L & D, daily. 88 San Marco Ave. 829-1133. $ CAFÉ ATLANTICO Traditional and new Italian dishes served in an intimate space. Master Chef Paolo Pece prepares risotto alla pescatora, with shrimp, scallops and seasonal shellfish, in a parmesan cheese basket. BW. D, nightly. 647 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-7332. $$$ CAFÉ ELEVEN F Serving eclectic cuisine like feta spinach egg croissant, apple turkey sandwich, pear-berry salad. Daily chef creations. BW. B, L & D, daily. 501 A1A Beach Blvd.

460-9311. B, $; L & D, $$ CAP’S ON THE WATER F The Vilano Beach mainstay offers coastal cuisine – tapas platters, cioppino, fresh local shrimp, raw oyster bar – indoors or on an oak-shaded deck. Boat access. FB. L, Fri.-Sun., D, nightly. 4325 Myrtle St., Vilano Beach. 824-8794. $$ CARMELO’S PIZZERIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic New York style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh baked sub rolls, Boars Head meats and cheeses, fresh salads, calzones, strombolis and sliced pizza specials. BW. L & D, daily. 146 King St. 494-6658. $$ CELLAR 6 ART GALLERY & WINE BAR Wolfgang Puck coffees, handmade desserts and light bistro-style fare amid local art. BW. Mon.-Sat. 6 Aviles St. 827-9055. $$ CREEKSIDE DINERY Creekside serves beef, chicken and seafood, with an emphasis on low-country cooking. Outdoor deck with a fire pit. FB. D, nightly. 160 Nix Boatyard Rd. 829-6113. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

3 St. George St. 824-6993. $ THE FLORIDIAN The downtown restaurant serves innovative Southern fare, made with local farmers’ local food. Signature items: fried green tomato bruschetta, ’N’grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. L & D, Wed.-Mon. 39 Cordova St. 829-0655. $$ GYPSY CAB COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

International menu features large portions, reasonable prices.

FB. L & D, daily. 828 Anastasia Blvd. 824-8244. $$ HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE F In a historic, two-story house, the New Orleans-style eatery has fresh seafood, steaks, jambalaya, etouffée and shrimp. FB. L & D, daily. 46 Avenida Menendez. 824-7765. $$ HOT SHOT BAKERY & CAFE Freshly baked items, coffees and hand-crafted breakfast and lunch sandwiches; Datil B. Good hot sauces and pepper products. B & L, daily. 8 Granada St. 824-7898. $ KINGS HEAD BRITISH PUB F Authentic Brit pub serves fish & chips, Cornish pastie and steak & kidney pie. Tap beers are Guinness, Newcastle and Bass. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 6460 U.S. 1 (4 miles N. of St. Augustine Airport.) 823-9787. $$ THE MANATEE CAFÉ F Serving healthful cuisine using

organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes. B & L, daily. 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 106, Westgate Plaza. 826-0210. $ MANGO MANGO’S BEACHSIDE BAR & GRILL F Caribbean kitchen has comfort food with a tropical twist: coconut shrimp and fried plantains. BW, CM. Outdoor dining. 700 A1A Beach Blvd., (A Street access) St. Augustine Beach. 461-1077. $$ MILL TOP TAVERN F A St. Auggie institution housed in an 1884 building, serving nachos, soups, sandwiches and daily specials. Dine inside or on open-air decks. At the big mill wheel. FB. L & D, daily. 19 1/2 St. George St. 829-2329. $$ OASIS RESTAURANT & DECK F Just a block from the ocean, with a tropical atmosphere and open-air deck. Steamed oysters, crab legs, burgers. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 4000 A1A & Ocean Trace Rd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-3424. $ THE PRESENT MOMENT CAFÉ Best of Jax 2011 winner. The cozy café serves organic, vegan and vegetarian dishes, pizza, pastas, hummus and milkshakes — all prepared without meat, dairy, wheat or an oven. Organic BW. TO. B, L & D, Mon.Sat. 224 W. King St. 827-4499. $ PURPLE OLIVE INTERNATIONAL BISTRO F Family-ownedand-operated, offering specials, fresh artisan breads. Soups, salad dressings and desserts made from scratch. BW. D, Tue.Sat. 4255 A1A S., Ste. 6, St. Augustine Beach. 461-1250. $$ RAINTREE Located in a Victorian home, Raintree offers a menu with contemporary and traditional international influences. Extensive wine list. FB. D, daily. 102 San Marco Ave. 824-7211. $$$ THE REEF RESTAURANT F Casual oceanfront place with a view from every table. Fresh local seafood, steak, pasta dishes and daily chef specials. Outdoor dining. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily. 4100 Coastal Hwy. A1A, Vilano Beach. 824-8008. $$ SOUTH BEACH GRILL Located off A1A, the two-story beachy destination offers casual oceanfront dining and fresh local seafood. Dine indoors or out on a beachfront deck. FB. B, L & D daily. 45 Cubbedge Road, Crescent Beach. 471-8700. $ SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE In the historic district, Spy features James Bond-themed sushi and MediterraneanFor questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. influenced global cuisine on the seasonal menu, including fresh — never frozen — Hawaiian seafood. Dine indoors or FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 out on the patio. Upstairs lounge, too. Great selection of chilled sakes. BW,PROMISE CM. D, nightly.

21 BENEFIT Hypolita St. 819-5637. $$$ SUPPORT Produced Sales Rep db by OF FOR ACTION Produced promise ASK of benefit sUpport by jdw Checked Ask forby Action SUNSET GRILLE Seafood-heavy menu, consistent Great Chowder Debate winner. Specialties are baby back ribs, lobster ravioli, coconut shrimp, datil pepper wings. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 421 A1A Beach Blvd. 471-5555. $$$ THE TASTING ROOM, WINE & TAPAS Owned by Michael Lugo, the upscale contemporary Spanish restaurant fuses innovative tapas with an extensive wine list. L, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 25 Cuna St. 810-2400. $$

ADVERTISING PROOF Advertis

This is a copyright protected proof this © is a copyrig

For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. RUN DATE: 032211 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

BAHAMA BREEZE ISLAND GRILLE Fresh seafood, chicken, flame-grilled steaks and hand-crafted tropical drinks made with flavorful ingredients inspired by the Caribbean. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10205 River Coast Dr. 646-1031. $$$ BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE With four dining rooms, BlackFinn offers classic American fare: beef, seafood, pasta, chicken, flatbread sandwiches. Dine indoors or on the patio.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 4840 Big Island Dr. 345-3466. $$ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner for Best Burger in St. Augustine and OP/Fleming Island. Burgers made with fresh ground beef and there’s a wide selection of toppings, including fried onions, jalapeños or sautéed mushrooms. Fries, Kosher hot dogs and soft drinks, too. L & D, daily. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 401. 996-6900. $ LIBRETTO’S PIZZERIA & ITALIAN KITCHEN F Authentic NYC pizzeria serves Big Apple crust, cheese and sauce, along with third-generation family-style Italian classics, fresh-from-theoven calzones, and desserts in a casual, comfy setting. L & D, daily. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 402-8888. $$ MITCHELL’S FISH MARKET F A changing menu of more than 180 items includes cedar-roasted Atlantic salmon and seared salt-and-pepper tuna. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 5205 Big Island Dr., St. Johns Town Ctr. 645-3474. $$$ MY MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT Best of Jax 2011 winner. Nonfat, low-calorie, cholesterol-free frozen yogurt is served in flavors that change weekly. Toppings include a variety of fruit and nuts. 4860 Big Island Dr. 807-9292. $ THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE F The recipes, unique to the Pancake House, call for only the freshest ingredients. CM. B, L & D, daily. 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr. 997-6088. $$ RENNA’S PIZZA F Renna’s serves up New York-style pizza, calzones, subs and lasagna made from authentic Italian recipes. Delivery, CM, BW. 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 125, St. Johns Town Center. 565-1299. rennaspizza.com $$ SUITE Best of Jax 2011 winner. St. Johns Town Center premium lounge and restaurant offer chef-driven small plates and an extensive list of specialty cocktails, served in a sophisticated atmosphere. FB. D & late-nite, nightly. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 493-9305. $$ WASABI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Authentic Japanese cuisine, teppanyaki shows and a full sushi menu.

CM. L & D, daily. 10206 River Coast Dr. 997-6528. $$ WHISKY RIVER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. At St. Johns Town Center’s Plaza, Whisky River features wings, pizza, wraps, sandwiches and burgers served in a lively car racing-themed atmosphere (Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s the owner). FB. CM. L & D, daily. 4850 Big Island Drive. 645-5571. $$

• Open for Lunch and Dinner TuesSat. and Brunch on Sundays • New dinner menu nightly • Serving local Seafood and Fresh Fernandina Shrimp

MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 39

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Walter Coker

The wacky crew at Moon River Pizza serves Northern-style pizzas with over 20 toppings on South 14th Street in Fernandina Beach (pictured), and at the sister store on Edgewood Avenue in Jacksonville’s Murray Hill area.

SAN JOSE

ATHENS CAFÉ F Serving authentic Greek cuisine: lamb, seafood, veal and pasta dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7. 733-1199. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1. 737-2874. $ DICK’S WINGS F NASCAR-themed family style sports place serves wings, buffalo tenders, burgers and chicken sandwiches. CM. BW. L & D, daily. 1610 University Blvd. W. 448-2110. dickswingsandgrill.com $ MOJO BAR-B-QUE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Southern Blues kitchen serves pulled pork, brisket and North Carolina-style barbecue. TO, BW. L & D, daily. 1607 University Blvd. W. 732-7200. $$

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL THAI & SUSHI F Offering Thai cuisine, including pad Thai and curry dishes, and sushi in a relaxing atmosphere. L & D, Mon.-Sat. BW. 1004 Hendricks Ave. 674-0190. $$ b.b.’s F Best of Jax 2011 winner. A bistro menu is served in an upscale atmosphere, featuring almond-crusted calamari, tuna tartare and wild mushroom pizza. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri.; brunch & D, Sat. 1019 Hendricks Ave. 306-0100. $$$ BISTRO AIX F French, Mediterranean-inspired fare, awardwinning wines, wood-fired pizzas, house-made pastas, steaks, seafood. Indoor, outdoor dining. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 1440 San Marco Blvd. 398-1949. $$$ CHECKER BBQ & SEAFOOD F Chef Art Jennette serves barbecue, seafood and comfort food, including pulled-pork, fried white shrimp and fried green tomatoes. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3566 St. Augustine Rd. 398-9206. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Big sandwiches, soups, desserts and more than 100 bottled and on-tap beers. BW. L & D, daily. 1704 San Marco Blvd.

398-9500. $ THE GROTTO F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Wine by the glass. Tapas-style menu offers a cheese plate, empanadas bruschetta, chocolate fondue. BW. 2012 San Marco Blvd.

398-0726. $$ HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE BC F Authentic Latin American fine dining: picadillo, ropa vieja, churrasco tenderloin steak, Cuban sandwiches. L & D, Mon.Sat. CM, FB. 2578 Atlantic Blvd. 399-0609. $ LAYLA’S OF SAN MARCO Fine dining in the heart of San Marco. Traditional Middle Eastern cuisine, served inside or outside on the hookah and cigar patio. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat.; D, Sun. 2016 Hendricks Ave. 398-4610. $$ MATTHEW’S Chef’s tasting menu or seasonal à la carte menu featuring an eclectic mix of Mediterranean ingredients.

Dress is business casual, jackets optional. FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 2107 Hendricks Ave. 396-9922. $$$$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Historic 1930s diner offers award-winning breakfast and lunch. Fresh seafood and Southern cooking. Bring your own wine. B & L, daily. 3302 Hendricks Ave. 398-3701. $$ THE OLIVE TREE MEDITERRANEAN GRILLE F Homestyle healthy plates: hummus, tebouleh, grape leaves, gyros, potato salad, kibbeh, spinach pie, Greek salad, daily specials.

L & D, Mon.-Fri. 1705 Hendricks Ave. 396-2250. $$ PIZZA PALACE F All homemade from Mama’s award-winning recipes: spinach pizza and chicken-spinach calzones. BW. L & D, daily. 1959 San Marco Blvd. 399-8815. $$

40 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

PULP F The juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt, teas, coffees; 30 kinds of smoothies, with flavored soy milks, organic frozen yogurt, granola. Daily. 1962 San Marco Blvd.

396-9222. $ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Consistent Best of Jax winner.

Midwestern prime beef, fresh seafood, upscale atmosphere.

FB. D, daily. 1201 Riverplace Blvd. 396-6200. $$$$ SAKE HOUSE See Riverside. 1478 Riverplace Blvd.

306-2188. $$ SAN MARCO DELI F Independently owned & operated classic diner serves grilled fish, turkey burgers. Vegetarian options. Mon.-Sat. 1965 San Marco Blvd. 399-1306. $ TAVERNA Tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitan-style woodfired pizzas and entrées are served in a rustic yet upscale interior. BW, TO. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 1986 San Marco Blvd.

398-3005. $$$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. This location offers a lunch buffet. L & D, daily. 1430 San Marco Blvd. 683-2444. $

SOUTHSIDE

AROMAS BEER HOUSE Offers customer favorites like ahi tuna with a sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger, triple-meat French dip. FB. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd. 928-0515. $$ BISTRO 41° F Casual dining features fresh, homemade breakfast and lunch dishes in a relaxing atmosphere. TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3563 Philips Hwy., Ste. 104. 446-9738. $ BLUE BAMBOO Contemporary Asian-inspired cuisine includes rice-flour calamari, seared Ahi tuna, pad Thai. Street eats: barbecue duck, wonton crisps. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 3820 Southside Blvd. 646-1478. $$ BOMBA’S SOUTHERN HOME COOKING F Southern homestyle fare, featuring fresh veggies. Outside dining. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8560 Beach Blvd. 997-2291. $$ BUCA DI BEPPO Italian dishes served family-style in an eclectic, vintage setting. Half-pound meatballs are a specialty.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10334 Southside Blvd. 363-9090. $$$ CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR F Casual fine dining.

The menu blends modern American favorites served with international flair. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 9823 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 1. 619-1931. $$$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11. 646-2874. $ EL POTRO F Family-friendly, casual El Potro has fresh, made-to-order fare. Daily specials, buffet most locations.

BW. L & D, daily. 5871 University Blvd. W., 733-0844. 11380 Beach Blvd., 564-9977. elpotrorestaurant.com $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 5500 Beach Blvd. 398-1717. $ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 9039 Southside Blvd., 538-9100. $ THE FLAME BROILER Serving food with no transfat, MSG, frying, or skin on meat. Fresh veggies, steamed brown or white rice along with grilled beef, chicken and Korean short ribs are featured. CM, TO. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 103. 619-2786. $ GENE’S SEAFOOD F Serving fresh Mayport shrimp, fish, oysters, scallops, gator tail, steaks and combos. L & D, daily.

11702 Beach Blvd. 997-9738. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F A local institution since 1975 serving house-baked pita bread, kabobs, falafel and daily lunch buffet. TO, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4323 University Blvd.

S. 733-5141. $$

ISLAND GIRL WINE & CIGAR BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Upscale tropical vibe. Walk-in humidor, pairing apps and desserts with 25 wines, ports by the glass. 220+ wines by the bottle; draft, bottled beer. L & D, daily. 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115. 854-6060. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 2025 Emerson St. 346-3770. $ JOHNNY ANGELS F The menu reflects its ’50s-style décor, including Blueberry Hill pancakes, Fats Domino omelet, Elvis special combo platter. Shakes, malts. B, L & D, daily. 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120. 997-9850. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8206 Philips Hwy. 732-9433. $ LIME LEAF F Authentic Thai cuisine: fresh papaya salad, pad Thai, mango sweet rice. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Cir., Stes. 108 & 109. 645-8568. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Tossed spring water dough, lean meats, veggies and vegetarian choices make up specialty pizzas, hoagies and calzones. FB. L & D, daily. 9734 Deer Lake Court (at Tinseltown). 997-1955. mellowmushroom.com $ OTAKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE F Family-owned with an open sushi bar, hibachi grill tables and an open kitchen. Dine indoor or out. FB, CM, TO. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 7860 Gate Parkway, Stes. 119-122. 854-0485. $$$ SAKE SUSHI F The restaurant offers sushi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, katsu, donburi and noodle soups. Popular rolls include Fuji Yama, Ocean Blue and Fat Boy. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy., Ste. 31. 647-6000. $$ SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY F Innovative menu of fresh local grilled seafood, sesame tuna, grouper Oscar, chicken, steak and pizza. Microbrewed ales and lagers. FB. L & D, daily. 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., Tinseltown. 997-1999. $$ SOUTHSIDE ALE HOUSE F Steaks, seafood, sandwiches. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9711 Deer Lake Court. 565-2882. $$ SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE F The stylish gastropub has Southern-style cuisine with a modern twist: Dishes are paired with international wines and beers, including a large selection of craft and IPA brews. FB. L & D, daily. 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16. 538-0811. $$ SUNSET 30 TAVERN & GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Located in Latitude 30, Sunset 30 serves familiar favorites, including seafood, steaks, sandwiches, burgers, chicken, pasta and pizza. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily.

10370 Philips Hwy. 365-5555. $$ TAVERNA YAMAS *Bite Club Certified! The Greek restaurant serves char-broiled kabobs, seafood and traditional Greek wines and desserts. FB. L & D daily. 9753 Deer Lake Court. 854-0426. $$ THE THIRSTY IGUANA CANTINA TAQUERIA Classic Mexican fare includes quesadillas, tacos, burritos, chimichangas, enchiladas and fajitas, as well as some killer nacho choices, made with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. TO, FB, CM. 7605 Beach Blvd. 647-7947. $$ TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA F Premium New York-style pizza from a brick-oven — the area’s original gluten-free pizzeria. Plus calzones, soups and salads; Thumann’s noMSG meats, Grande cheeses and Boylan soda. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2. 565-1999. $$ URBAN FLATS F Ancient world-style flatbread is paired with fresh regional and seasonal ingredients in wraps, flatwiches and entrées, served in a casual, urban

atmosphere. An international wine list is offered. CM. FB. L & D, daily. 9726 Touchton Rd. 642-1488. $$ URBAN ORGANICS The local produce co-op offers seasonal fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Mon.-Sat. 5325 Fairmont St. 398-8012. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE sushi and two teppanyaki grill items are included in buffet price. FB. L & D, daily. 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C. 363-9888. $$ WILD WING CAFÉ F Serving up 33 flavors of wings, as well as soups, sandwiches, wraps, ribs, platters and burgers. FB. 4555 Southside Blvd. 998-9464. $$ YUMMY SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Teriyaki, tempura, hibachi-style dinners, sushi & sashimi. Sushi lunch roll special. BW, sake. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

998-8806. $$

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BOSTON’S RESTAURANT & SPORTSBAR *Bite Club Certified! F A full menu of sportsbar faves; pizzas till 2 a.m. Dine inside or on the patio. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13070 City Station Dr., River City Marketplace. 751-7499. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The family-owned restaurant serves authentic Mexican fare, including fajitas and seafood. The specialty is tacos de azada. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104. 757-6411. $$ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 13249 City Square Dr., 751-9711. $ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 5945 New Kings Rd. 765-8515. $ JOSEPH’S PIZZA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT F Gourmet pizzas, pastas. Authentic Italian entrees. BW. L & D, daily.

7316 N. Main St. 765-0335. $$ MILLHOUSE STEAKHOUSE F A locally-owned-and-operated steakhouse with choice steaks from the signature broiler, and seafood, pasta, Millhouse gorgonzola, homemade desserts.

CM, FB. D, nightly. 1341 Airport Rd. 741-8722. $$ SALSARITA’S FRESH CANTINA F Southwest cuisine made from scratch; family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 840 Nautica Dr., Ste. 131, River City Marketplace. 696-4001. $ SAVANNAH BISTRO Low Country Southern fare with a twist of Mediterranean and French inspiration, offered in a relaxing atmosphere at Crowne Plaza Airport. Favorites include crab cakes, NY strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 14670 Duval Rd. 741-4404. $-$$$ SWEET PETE’S This all-natural sweet shop offers a variety of candy and other treats made the old-fashioned way: all natural flavors, no artificial anything. Several kinds of honey, too. 1922 N. Pearl St. 376-7161. $ THREE LAYERS CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Lunch, bagels, desserts, and the adjacent Cellar serves fine wines.

Inside and courtyard dining. BW. B, L & D, daily. 1602 Walnut St., Springfield. 355-9791. $ 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL F Salads, sandwiches, pizza, fine European cuisine. Nightly specials. 2467 Faye Rd., Northside. 647-8625. $$ UPTOWN MARKET F In the 1300 Building at the corner of Third & Main, serving fresh fare made with the same élan that rules Burrito Gallery. Innovative breakfast, lunch and deli selections. BW, TO. 1303 Main St. N. 355-0734. $$

Check out a video of Folio Weekly’s BITE CLUB meeting at Taverna Yamas in Tinseltown at http://bit.ly/w00caN.

WINE TASTINGS ANJO LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Thur. 9928 Old Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-2656 AROMAS CIGAR & WINE BAR Call for schedule. 4372 Southside Blvd., 928-0515 BLUE BAMBOO 5:30-7:30 p.m., every first Thur. 3820 Southside Blvd., 646-1478 COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE 6-8 p.m. every Wed. 1712 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-4776 DAMES POINT MARINA Every 3rd Wed. 4518 Irving Rd., Northside, 751-3043 THE GIFTED CORK Tastings daily. 64 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 810-1083 THE GROTTO 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726 MONKEY’S UNCLE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1850 S. Third St., Jax Beach, 246-1070 NORTH BEACH BISTRO 6-8 p.m. every Tue. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 OCEAN 60 6-8 p.m every Mon. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 O’KANE’S IRISH PUB 6:30 p.m. every 3rd Tue. 318 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 261-1000 PUSSERS CARIBBEAN GRILL 6 p.m. every second Fri. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766

RIVERSIDE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1035 Park St., Five Points, 356-4517 THE TASTING ROOM 6-8 p.m. every first Tue. 25 Cuna St., St. Augustine, 810-2400 TASTE OF WINE Daily. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Atlantic Beach, 246-5080 TIM’S WINE MARKET 5 p.m. every Fri., noon every Sat. 278 Solana Rd., Ponte Vedra, 686-1741 128 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach, 461-0060 III FORKS PRIME STEAKHOUSE 5-6:30 p.m. every Mon. 9822 Tapestry Circle, Ste. 111, SJTC, 928-9277 TOTAL WINE & MORE Noon-6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 300, 998-1740 URBAN FLATS 5-8 p.m. every Wed. 9726 Touchton Rd., Tinseltown, 642-1488 WHOLE FOODS MARKET 6 p.m. every Thur. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 288-1100 THE WINE BAR 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0211 WINE WAREHOUSE 4-7 p.m. every Fri. 665 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-6450 4434 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 448-6782 1188 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 389-9997 4085 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach, 471-9900

promise of benefit

Basin Instincts

The multicultural Macquarie University, in suburban Sydney, Australia, said its restroom posters, installed last year, have been successful in instilling toilet etiquette in students and solving some sanitary issues that had plagued the school. The crossed-through figure of a user squatting on top of a toilet seat was especially helpful, it seems. Complaints of unsanitariness were such that some students were timing their classes to use restrooms in a nearby mall instead.

Lest anyone believe the problem is confined to multicultural institutions, a recent memo at San Francisco’s 785-member Lewis Brisbois law firm instructed employees to clean urine from toilet seats, to always take the farthest stalls or urinals available, to mask sounds by toilet-flushing (if desired), and to not make eye contact in the restroom. Daily Telegraph (Sydney), 1-12-’12; Above The Law blog, 2-1-’12

Can’t Possibly Be True

Louis Helmburg III filed a lawsuit in Huntington, W.Va., in February against Alpha Tau Omega fraternity and its member Travis Hughes for injuries Helmburg suffered in May 2011 when he fell off a frat house deck. He’d been startled and fell backward off the rail-less deck after Hughes tried to fire a bottle rocket “out of his anus.” The rocket, instead, exploded in place. The lawsuit doesn’t refer to Hughes’ injuries.

U.S. Immigration agents, in a $160,000 Chevy Suburban custom-designed and armored specifically to protect agents from roadside kidnappings, became sitting ducks last year when kidnappers forced the vehicle off the road near San Luis Potosi, Mexico.

They got the door open briefly, enabling them to fire 100 rounds and kill one of two agents inside. According to a February Washington Post report, Department of Homeland Security failed to modify the vehicle’s factory setting that popped open the door locks automatically when the driver shifts into “Park.”

When Rose Marks and her extended family of Romanian-Gypsy “psychics” were indicted last year for a 20-year-run of duping South Floridians out of as much as $40 million, victims of the clan were elated that justice might be at hand. A typical scam, according to prosecutors, was to take a client’s cash “to pray over it,” promising its return but somehow figuring out how to keep it. However, in December, the Markses’ attorneys reported “several” so-called victims had begun to work with them to help clear the family, including one who reportedly paid Rose over time $150,000. According to lawyers, these “victims” call the Markses “friends,” “life coaches” and “confidants,” rather than swindlers.

Inexplicable

David Myrland, an anti-government “sovereign” now serving three years in federal prison for threatening the mayor of Kirkland, Wash., filed a federal lawsuit in February accusing various officials of conspiracy — by the manipulation of bad grammar, i.e., “backwards-correctsyntaxing-modification fraud.” Each word of the original complaint, coded by Myrland as to part of speech, “proves” to him that the complaint was “fraudulent” and “handicapping.”

(Random sentence from Myrland’s filing: “For the WORDS OF an ADVERB-SYNTAXGRAMMAR-MODIFICATIONS ARE with

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an USE of the SYNTAX-GRAMMAR with the VOID of the POSITIONAL-LODIALFACT-PHRASE with the SINGLE-WORDMODIFIER AS THE: A, AS, AT, AM, BECAUSE [many words omitted] FACT by the VASSALEES.”) “Sovereigns” generally reject the federal government, and Myrland didn’t explain why he expected a federal judge would have authority to help. Seattle Weekly, 2-14-’12, Scribd.com, 1-23-’12

Unclear on the Concept

Jason Bacon, 41, was arrested in Eureka, Calif., in March after responding to a classified ad for a used motorcycle by offering to trade about $8,000 worth of his home-grown marijuana for it. According to an officer on the scene, Bacon told a deputy, “I know you can’t sell it, but I thought it was OK to trade it.”

Kathleen Mathews was outraged that the local community turned on her 26-year-old son, Jesse, charged with capital murder for killing a Chattanooga, Tenn., police officer. She told the judge in a letter that Jesse is a “good man,” and lamented, “You do one little thing that pisses people off, and they want to hold it against you forever.” Chattanooga Times Free Press, 2-12-’12

Our Dynamic Democracy

Oklahoma state Sen. Ralph Shortey, a staunch abortion opponent, introduced a bill in January to ban the use of human fetuses in processed food. Though the principal anti-abortion advocacy official in the state said he’d never heard of such a thing, Sen. Shortey asserted it was a problem; he’d been reading up on it on the Internet.

Kyle Bower, 19, was elected in November to a seat on the Alburtis, Pa., Borough Council. Before being sworn in, though, he was sentenced to probation for stalking an ex-girlfriend and tossing a brick through her window. Now that he’s seated, he still must answer to 2010 charges in Kutztown, Pa., of resisting arrest for public drunkenness. In both incidents, he displayed an uncanny ability to slip out of handcuffs and wander away from arresting officers.

Least Competent Criminals

Law enforcement officers turn to Facebook now to help solve crimes, knowing some perpetrators can’t resist bragging about or even showing off things they’ve recently stolen. For example, Steven Mulhall, 21, will be easily prosecuted for stealing a nameplate off the door of Broward County, Fla., judge Michael Orlando — since he posted in March a photograph of him holding it after a courtroom visit. In other Facebook news: In March, Tacoma, Wash., corrections officer Alan O’Neill, 41, was charged with bigamy after his long-estranged first wife found out about the second one when Facebook suggested the two be “friends.”

Thanks this week to Richard Zehr, Chip Sharpe, Kent Heustess, Sandy Pearlman, Perry Levin, Kathryn Wood, Peter Smagorinsky, Sarah Winter, John Smith, Scott Johnston, Karen Bledsoe and Shawn Tolliver, and to NOTW Board of Editorial Advisors.

Chuck Shepherd WeirdNews@earthlink.net March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 41

Sal

ARIES (March 21-April 19): A few months after the U.S. invaded Iraq in 2003, soldier Brian Wheeler wrote this to help us see what it was like there: “Go to the worst crime-infested place you can find. Go heavily armed, wearing a flak jacket and a Kevlar helmet.

Set up shop in a vacant lot. Announce to the residents you’re there to help them, and in the loudest voice possible yell that every Crip and Blood within hearing distance is a PANSY.” As a character-building exercise, try something like this. APRIL FOOL! I’m just kidding. That’s not an accurate astrological omen-reading, this is: Get out of your comfort zone, yes, but with a smart gamble, not a crazy risk.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In Karley Sciortino’s NSFW blog Slutever.com, she announces “this blog is intended to trick strangers into thinking my life is more exciting than it actually is.” Adopt that approach. Do whatever it takes — lying, deceiving, exaggerating, bragging — to fool everyone into believing you’re a fascinating character in the midst of marvelous, high-drama adventures. APRIL FOOL! I’m not really sincere about that. Truth is, your life’s likely to be a rousing adventure in the days ahead.

You don’t need to pretend it is, nor cajole or trick others to think it is.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): According to a recent poll, God’s approval rating has dipped below 40 percent for the first time on record.

My research suggests the new low is due in part to a disproportionate amount of dissatisfaction by those born under Taurus. Can you fix this? If you’re one of the discontent, see if you can talk yourself into restoring some of your faith in the Divine Wow. APRIL FOOL! The truth is, I encourage you to be skeptical in regard to all authorities, experts and topdogs, including God. It’s a good time in your cycle to go rogue, to scream “I defy you, stars!” Be a rabble-rousing, boat-rocking doubter.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem,” said author William Gibson, “first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.” It’s a good time to check in with yourself and see if Gibson’s advice applies. Lately, the jackass quotient seems to have been rising in your area.

APRIL FOOL! I’m half-joking. It’s true you should focus aggressively to reduce the influence of jerks; and ask yourself how to reduce your problems by changing something in you.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Photographer Darrin Harris Frisby doesn’t think people should smile in photographs. He regards it as “superficial and misleading.” In the greatest portraits ever painted, he says, the subject’s gaze is almost always neutral, “neither inviting nor forbidding.” Did Rembrandt ever show people grinning from ear to ear? No. Did Vermeer, Goya, Titian, Sargent or Velasquez? Nope.

Make that your guiding thought in the week ahead. Be a connoisseur of the poker face. APRIL FOOL! I lied. Truth is, next week you’ll have more than ample reasons to be of good cheer; therefore express delight extravagantly.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Back in 1835, the newspaper The New York Sun resorted to an extreme measure to boost readership: It ran a story about how renowned astronomer Sir John Herschel had perfected a telescope that allowed him to see life forms on the moon, including unicorns, two-legged beavers that had harnessed fire and sexually liberated “manbats.” If I’m reading astrological omens right, you temporarily have license to try something almost as wild and experimental to “boost your readership.” APRIL FOOL! I lied about the unicorns. Don’t refer to cliched chimeras; but it’s OK to invoke more unexpected curiosities like fire-using beavers and sexually liberated manbats.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In his documentary “Prohibition,” Ken Burns reports on the extreme popularity of alcohol in 19th-century America.

He says the typical person over 15 drank 88 bottles of whiskey a year. In light of current astrological omens, increase your intake to that level and beyond. APRIL FOOL! I lied. It’s not literal alcoholic spirits you should be ingesting more, but big ideas to open your mind, inspirational sights and sounds to dissolve inhibitions and intriguing people who expand your worldview.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A woman in Euclid, Ohio claims her house is haunted by randy ghosts.

“They have sex in my living room,” Dianne Carlisle told a TV reporter. “You can see the lady’s high-heeled shoes.” You may soon have a similar problem. Consider hiring an X-rated exorcist. APRIL FOOL! The naked truth?

You won’t be visited by any kind of spooks, let alone horny ones. However, you’d be smart to purify and neutralize old karma still be haunting your love life. Consider a do-ityourself exorcism of your memories.

42 | FOLIO WEEKLY | MARCH 27- APRIL 2, 2012

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Do not under any circumstances put on a frog costume, go to a mall and ride around on a unicycle while reciting erotic poetry in German from a megaphone. APRIL FOOL! I lied. That isn’t such a terrible use of time. Astrological omens suggest you’ll be visited by unusual creative surges bordering on wacky. I’d prefer you channel your effervescent fertility in more constructive ways, like dreaming up new approaches to love that’ll have a practical impact on your romantic life.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel “The Great Gatsby,” Daisy Buchanan is stirred to the point of rapture by Jay Gatsby’s silk shirts. “I’ve never seen such beautiful shirts,” she sobs, burying her face in one as she sits in his bedroom. I truly hope you’ll have a brush with resplendence soon. For the sake of mental and even physical health, you need direct contact with the sublime. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. It’s true you’d benefit from a brush with resplendence, but plain old material objects, no matter how lush and expensive, won’t do the trick.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last December, a woman in Tulsa, Okla., made creative use of a Walmart. She amassed various ingredients from the shelves, including lighter fluid, lithium and drain cleaner, and set up a meth lab right there in the back of the store. She’s your role model for the week ahead.

APRIL FOOL! I kinda lied. That woman got arrested for illegal activity, which I don’t advise. I do hope you’ll rise to her level of ingenuity and audacity as you gather resources you need for a novel experiment.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): A Filipino man, Herbert Chavez, has had extensive plastic surgery to make himself resemble Superman.

Consider making him your role model. I hope he inspires you to begin a quest to rework your body and soul in the image of a favorite celebrity or cartoon hero. APRIL FOOL! I lied. You’d be wise to avoid comparing yourself to anyone or remolding yourself. The best use of current cosmic tendencies? Brainstorm about your highest potentials, and swear a blood oath to become that riper version of you.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

TOTALLY FLOORED!!!

First saw you sitting on the floor in the chips aisle... then again outside... (around 8:15 am) — You were wearing a light blue polo shirt & shorts... I’m kicking myself for not getting your number... If you are reading this, what was I wearing &/or driving? When: March 11, 2012. Where: Walmart on Philips Hwy. @ 8:15am. #1299-0320

means please... When: ??? Where: Monkey’s Uncle Jax Beach. #1289-0306 PETE’S BAR You, sitting at the bar with your friends drinking whiskey.

I walked in and saw you right away. We talked and you charmed me, I went to play some foosball and you left, leaving me wondering if I’ll ever see your charming self again. Let’s talk again! When: Feb. 25, 2012. Where: Pete’s Bar. #1288-0306

YOBE FROZEN YOGURT At 8pm went in looking crazy with my white polo hoodie on covering my head, pink FSCJ shorts and some flip flops.

Me and my kiddie bop grabbed some frozen yogurt and I saw your handsome face, with slicked black hair, you had on shorts with a plaid blue and white button up I believe and with a friend wearing a cap. You two decided to eat outside that night. Don’t know if you noticed but I sure was looking from the corner of my eyeball lol. When: Feb. 29, 2012. Where: Orange Park Yobe Frozen Yogurt. #1298-0320

STARBUCKS DREAM GIRL You: Short reddish hair, blue bandana, red shoes, backpack.

Me: Maroon zip-up, grey beanie, black hair with buzzed side. We made eye contact before you sat with your back to me. I’d like to see more of the front. Let me buy you your next coffee? When: Feb. 26, 2012. Where: Riverside Starbucks. #1287-0306

HANK WILLIAMS JR. CONCERT You were hanging out behind the guy in charge of the lights. You were also wearing a t-shirt that read Georgia across the front. I had long blonde hair and you were amused that I hunt in Georgia. I left in a hurry. Don’t let me get away, lol. When: March 3, 2012. Where: Hank Williams Jr. Concert. #1297-0320

HOPE YOU NOTICED You were in St Barts and I walked in with the girl. You didn’t look up but I could tell you were paying attention.

There was more to me than meets the eye; I can’t wait to get your attention with the real me. Me: slim, Irish. You: tall, too intelligent. Care to meet by the pool? When: Feb. 20, 2012. Where: St. Bart’s. #1286-0306

MUSCULAR MOUNTAIN MAN You: tall blonde grizzly hunk that comes to the gym on his lunch break. Me: big rack with a bigger back. I’ve seen you get into a black older model F-150 with window decals on the back. Also I know we share a love for the Avett brothers. I hope that one day we can lie underneath a tree together, play guitar, sip some apple pie moonshine and listen to the birds. Will you be my Tim Tebow? When: About twice a week during lunchtime. Where: Athlete’s Choice N. Main St. #1296-0313

TATTOOED GRAPHIC DESIGNER Hey u with the giant “kitty” on your side, we have the same artist and share an interest in photography. I was sitting on the ground in the art bldg watching Ghostbusters and writing a paper, u can ask me out on a date! I think you’re hot! Hope to see u soon, maybe at the tattoo shop! When: Mondays and Wednesdays. Where: University of North Florida. #1285-0306

JOHN SMITH SEARCHING FOR POCAHONTAS Saw you just around the river bend. Watched you tattoo a stuffed giraffe and my life hasn’t been the same since.

Would love to paint the colors of the wind with you. When: March 5, 2012. Where: Jerry’s Sports Grille. #1295-0313 BANGIN’ LIBRARIAN You: Blue eyes, short bangs & a green collared dress with sexy side cutouts. Me: Plaid button-up and cords. I saw you shelving DVDs. We met eyes for a few seconds and I thought to come over and ask you for a little assistance, but I was slightly intimidated. Let’s see how tough you truly are. Drinks? When: March 1, 2012. Where: Jacksonville Public Library: Willow Branch. #1294-0313 FOREVER’S MESSENGER We exchanged few words, you complimented my pants.

You: adorable brunette with messenger bag. Me: blushing, excited employee in beanie wishing I had said more. I’ve seen you around and I’d like to put a name to that face.

When: Feb. 25, 2012. Where: Avenues Mall. #1293-0313 TO THE MAYOR OF CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE You stole my heart from the couch.. and I have never let you out of my heart... you will always be in it no matter if your there or not... so let’s get back on that lonely couch and when we wake let go for a bike ride on the beach.

When: Feb. 2011. Where: Camp Crystal Lake Herschel St. #1292-0313 SEXY TATTOOED WHISKY RIVER BARTENDER I saw you staring all night at me when I was working. We had a moment while you were DJing when I finally caught your gaze. You’re on repeat in my mind all day. Let’s make music! Where: In the bush. When: Feb. 29, 2012. Where: Whisky River/Suite. #1291-0313 RUNNING RIOT You: Pretty, petite blonde always running and laughing with your friend in Riverside. Me: Tall, tan and athletic dying to know what’s so funny. When: Jan. 26, 2012. Where: Riverside. #1290-0306 SHORT HEALTHY BRUNETTE CUTIE RE: TRIVIA All of my friends have been facebooking me and texting me funny things about your “sexy trivia man” ad, question is will you reveal yourself so I know what exactly “healthy”

WAFFLE HOUSE OFF 17 You: with your lazy eye and tangled bleached platinum hair, I was constantly wondering if you were looking at me or staring into my soul. Me: chain smoking cigarettes and watching you like a tiger hunting its prey, I will wait for you at the Waffle House. Please don’t make me eat my heart shaped pancakes alone. When: Feb. 23, 2012. Where: Waffle House. #1284-0306

Please take my case? You: Tall, dark-haired man in long coat and blue scarf. Me: Soldier with blonde hair who called you brilliant. When: Feb. 10, 2012. Where: St. Bart’s. #1282-0221 YOU HELD MY DOOR AT THE CAR Ok Joe you were a doll. Called me ma’am and I am. But still are you there? Bold City Thurs nite 9:30 pm. When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Bold City. #1281-0221 PUT A BIRD ON IT! Saw you on the corner of Forbes and Acosta in your faded bathrobe sitting on your porch drinking your morning brew.

As soon as I got a whiff of your morning coffee breath I knew you were the one for me. If your as interested as I am, meet me at cool moose at 8 am on v-day and we’ll both have some java to go with our morning breath. When: Feb. 9, 2012. Where: Forbes & Acosta. #1280-0221 EYE CONTACT ONLY I was out with a girlfriend, wasn’t sure if you were out with yours, so I never actually spoke to you. Your dark hair, glasses and almost hidden arm tattoo caught my attention almost as much as our eye contact. As soon as I left, I regretted not saying anything. If you’re single, I’d like to actually have that conversation! When: Feb. 9, 2012.

Where: Salt Life/Mellow Mushroom. #1279-0221 RAMPS ON THE STOVE TOP You the Officer that came to my parents rescue... Me the one who was in scrubs and slightly embarrassed because my father offered you “Ramps”. Ever since then you have been forever on my mind...would love to get to know you better. XOXO? When: Jan. 2011. Where: Ortega. #1278-0221 MY SUNSHINE I was driving along Atlantic Blvd, crossing at Hodges Blvd, when I saw you cruising in your V dub. Dark silk hair, hiding the fiery blonde underneath, you’re sexy dark shades resting above your little nose. It was love at first sight, but it was my first time seeing you sunshine. I’ll see you soon.

When: April 11, 1984. Where: Atlantic Blvd. #1277-0214

BLACKJACKS BBQ BEAUTY You (girl) work at Blackjacks and have tattoos. I (guy) eat at Blackjacks and have tattoos... so far we’re 2 for 2.

When: Feb. 14, 2012. Where: Blackjacks Baymeadows. #1283-0221

LOST GIRL? U brunette with brown eyes that shine like little stars, sitting on red couch at The Royal. Me guy dressed in black busy working and cleaning up. I really meant to catch your name? Hope I see you again one day. When: Feb. 4, 2012.

Where: The Royal. #1276-0214

MYSTERIOUS COAT AND CHEEKBONES I saw U at St. Bart’s, cooking something up in the lab.

Mutual friend introduced us. You told me my life story just by observing the evidence. I believe my heart was stolen.

TETHERED TO BAR NEAR BATHROOMS Me WAY too drunk, however, your beauty and energy is unforgettable. You and your dark haired gentleman friend were tethered to the bar near the bathrooms. I would love

love love to get to know you and see where it goes, if anywhere. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Tavern – Mandarin. #1275-0214 SATURDAY AFTERNOON DELIGHT You: long curl brown hair, blue shirt, couldn’t catch your eye color thru those motorcycle goggles. Loved the cute gap between your teeth. Me: blonde blue eyed girl in red sundress. You told me how attractive you thought I was at the Daily’s on Roosevelt. Didn’t know what to say at the time but suddenly the words have come to mind. When: Jan. 28, 2012. Where: Daily’s on Roosevelt & San Juan. #1274-0214 GEORGIEGIRL1313 Met you on Plenty of Fish. We messaged back and forth and then you were gone. Hope you find this. Secret Agent Doc... Take Care Cutie... When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Plenty of Fish. #1273-0214 I’M IN “MISERY” WITHOUT YOU You: Adam Levine look alike, delivering my southwest salad with a little extra spice, making it a little “harder to breathe.” I was mesmerized by your doe-like eyes, I didn’t have a chance to look at your nametag. Me: strawberry blonde hair in a pink polo. next time you wanna go to panera and toss my salad? When: Feb. 2, 2012. Where: Crispers at the town center. #1272-0214 I SAW YOU WALKING DOWN THE STREET I saw you walking down the street and dang you are hot you’re so sexy you have dark black hair and very tan w/f. holla at me if you see this. When: Feb. 1, 2012. Where: Bowden Road. #1271-0214 SEXY TRIVIA MAN You: muscular blonde trivia host. Me: short healthy brunette cutie. You can guess my answer anytime. When: Jan. 24, 2012. Where: Monkey’s Uncle Beaches. #1270-0214 MY LITTLE PICTURE MAN You: young buck with buzz cut taking photos of surfers on the Jax beach pier. You winked at me while I was walking my dog on the boardwalk, then quickly got into your blue Tacoma. Next time I’ll jump in the back and we can head two blocks to Bo’s Coral Reef. When: Jan. 25, 2012. Where: Jax Beach Pier. #1269-0207 YOU WERE HOTTER THAN MY BURRITO I Saw U at the hot sauce bar and noticed you liked it spicy!

You were wearing a pink hello kitty shirt and thigh high boots. I was the guy who knocked over the plastic cups. I think you should join me for spicy taco night at my place sometime. When: Jan. 27, 2012. Where: Tijuana Flats @ Bartram Park. #1268-0207

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69 Little girl 70 Part of an old school cheer whose fourNOTE: With March word intro is the theme Madness in full swing I of this puzzle thought I’d run something 75 Japanese beer brand a little crazier than usual.

78 “Let’s Make ___” Hint: There are only four 79 Spanish bear different characters to 80 Tiny bit “figure” out, and one of 84 Without thinking each — in order — 86 PBS concert series appears in the top row of 90 South Carolina river the grid.

91 Sicilian port 92 Fails to recall ACROSS 93 Fort site?

1 Skin art 94 Zodiac animal 5 Simile cousin 96 Actor Brock 10 Golden oldies 99 Mr. Parseghian 15 Millionaire’s digs 100 Terminal: abbr.

19 Bard’s river 20 Actor John and some 101 Like some arbitration 104 Puccini piece food thickeners 105 Certain vote 21 Spartan slave 106 Facility 22 Dr. Zhivago 107 Toy-truck maker 23 Short note 24 Desmond of “Sunset 110 Enthusiastic 112 Evidence-testing site Boulevard” 115 Czar, e.g.

25 Tennyson’s Arden 117 Skillful 26 North Carolina 121 In the center of university 122 Retracted a statement 27 Waits on hand and 124 ___ of the dice foot 126 Arm bone 29 “Down in the valley, 127 Not nuts the 128 Author Jong valley ___ ...”

129 To love, in Lyon 31 Just managed 130 Nader’s goal 33 Freeway rumbler 35 Take again, as vows 131 Sounded (the horn) 132 Rot 37 Early garden 133 Overly simple 38 And so ___ 134 Candied items 41 NASA drink 43 Dry gullies DOWN 45 Place for public 1 Some powder speaking 2 Be a pilot 48 ___ culpa 3 Elasticity 49 Sweater type 4 Piano adjusters 52 “___ to differ” 5 A ___ talk 53 Venture 6 Freudian concept 54 Sacked out 7 Slangy sailors 56 Strips (of) 8 Knightwear 59 Greek letters 9 On the market 61 Crest rival 10 Scenery ___ (ham) 64 Whines 11 Author Deighton 65 Wd. mixup?

12 Healing juice 66 Dah preceder 13 Salmon type 67 Car type 14 Commands Fido to go 1

2

3

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5

6

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8

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15 16 17 18 28 30 32 34 36 38 39 40 42 44 45 46 47 50 51 53 55 57 58 60 62 63 64 68 71 72 73 74 75

after, as a trespasser Keep an ___ (watch) Spock colleague Jogging gait Dined at home Get serious about marriage ___ spree ___ Plaines Gerund finish Piece in the paper Counter surface Mortise insert Se ___ español Divinity Passé: abbr.

Hunts (for food) Russian chain Untidy Lacerate Ms. Gardner Turning (from) Chiffon ingredient Increases Discontinue Chevalier song “What’s a mother ___?”

Now ___ oneself (checks out personally) Proportionately Conceal “You don’t have to hit us over the head” Dumbo’s jumbos Dot follower Helpers: abbr.

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AVONDALE 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. 388-5406

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76 Host of “The Daily Show” 77 Breathing interruption 81 Salty expanse 82 Aquarium fish 83 Ore-al exam?

85 Made laws 87 Apple seed 88 Compass pt.

89 Previously cited 91 Neuman’s magazine 95 160 square rods 97 Notable time 98 Competition 101 Getting back to ___ 102 Where Telemark is 103 Wildebeest 106 Concluded 108 Michael Rennie’s elegant alien in “The Day the Earth Stood Still” 109 Eagle’s nest 111 “Advise and Consent” author Allen 112 VHS, e.g.

113 “___ kleine Nachtmusik” 114 ___-a-brac 116 Capitale on the Tiber 118 Olive genus 119 Tell 120 Skye caps 121 Concerning 123 Spanish goose 125 “___ Miserables”

Solution to O Punnish Me

A L H I R T

S H S T L E C T I O F R E L T OV Y N E A R A Y G S L I D E N OSO I M U MW A N E A C E RN I GH P L A N E T M MA R L E S C A U S T F A R S E R I C H OWA R A NN NO D E S A C I S E B E A S T E S 12

13

A V I A R Y

I G E T S O N D T S

E E F R E N W I M L OV E R A S E R S C S E S P C PO I A T S M MA P CH I T T I C T I M I A

14

T A N A G E R

T O N A L L Y A R K I N

15

19

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

33 38

39

40

34 41

48 55

65

66

75

76

58

59

67

68

94

100

F O O L S

T A C T

S T K S

16

17

18

45

46

47

87

80

88

81

82

83

119

120

89 92

95

96

101

102 107

113

I S S Y

60

79 86

106 112

N A T A L

74

91

93

O L A V S

69

73

78 85

90

M E G O

64

72

77

O R N O T

53

63

71

84

O N I C E

37

52 57

R E D UR E E R S

32

44

51

56 62

70

36 43

50

61

31

35 42

49

54

30

OR T U P E R T EGA T A D E G L E R I GE B E A R B X P O T D UR S E S A T I A D E D B R I D E GA L H Y P E T S I E A T E R S H NGB E OA R

114

103

98

99

104 108

115 123

97

109

105 110

116 124

111 117

125

118

121

122

126

127

128

129

130

131

132

133

134

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 45

Ship to Shore

Mayport should have allowed a cruise terminal in the first place — but it hasn’t missed the boat yet

T

he recent opinion on the Mayport ferry and the effect of the closure on an economically challenged community brings the question of how Mayport’s future could be different.

What would the community look like now if the cruise terminal had been built three years ago? It would not be the distressed area it is today. Physically, it would look different; there would be a two-story terminal along the riverfront a couple of blocks south of the ferry.

There would also be either a parking garage or surface lot on the east side of Ocean Street.

The area bordered by Ocean Street on the west, Ribault Park Street on the south and east and Henry Street on the north could be a surface parking lot (or contain a garage). This area has a sparse number of structures and it does not appear any building will take place soon. This is a distressed area and there is no “charm” to it.

In addition, the cruise terminal would probably support two hotels (about 300 rooms) in this area. This means guests staying overnight in the village and spending money at local restaurants and new shops that would come in. This means employment for this dying community.

The cruise ship would hold about 2,500 passengers at capacity (currently it averages 110 percent of capacity, due to families staying in double rooms) and would make about 80 trips per year. This would mean 200,000 passengers visiting Mayport every year. About a third of the passengers would use transportation such as airport shuttles to arrive for the cruise.

The others would be in cars containing two passengers, with some containing more. This is about 800 cars per cruise. This number of cars would not overwhelm the community.

The parking revenue from 800 cars at $10 per day would be $2.9 million. If a $10 per passenger embarkation fee were charged, the revenue would be $2 million. This $5 million revenue would easily support the payroll for the 90 jobs at the terminal, along with the operations and maintenance expenses.

The area north of where the parking would be located is also sparsely populated. The many vacant lots could be filled with shops and restaurants. In addition, there would be room for a museum, perhaps dedicated to the French Huguenots, the shrimping industry or naval history.

The addition of a cruise terminal would create hundreds of jobs in the area. It would also benefit the Mayport ferry. Because of

this traffic, if a third of the additional vehicles used the ferry, the ridership would increase by 20,000 per year. While this would not make the ferry reach a break-even point, it would improve revenue.

Unfortunately, three years ago, the Village of Mayport rejected the idea of a cruise terminal. Since then, the port has changed its priorities and no longer can afford to build the terminal. In today’s economy, the chances of selling the property to a developer are almost non-existent.

Due to a combination of aquaculture springing up in Asia and high oil prices driving up the cost of diesel fuel, it is unlikely that the shrimping industry will return. Mayport needs another type of industry to sustain it in the future. That industry is tourism.

There is much talk of making Mayport an eco-tourism center. While that sounds good on the surface, this would only initially bring a few thousand tourists per year, not the 200,000 that the cruise industry would provide. With easy access to Ft. George Island, the Talbot Islands, Ft. Caroline and the Timucaun Preserve, these many tourists could become easy converts to the natural beauty of Florida’s First Coast.

From the standpoint of the cruise terminal and garage being unappealing to current residents — I grew up six blocks from the Talleyrand docks. Looking down Ninth Street, I could see very large ships docked a few thousand feet away all day, almost every day. Also, one block away was a large Toyota parking lot containing several thousand cars.

Four blocks away was a large gasoline storage facility. Two blocks to the south was a major railroad switchyard. Three blocks to the north was the Buckman Street Sewage Plant.

The NIMBYs (not-in-my-back-yarders) who oppose the cruise terminal do not have a lot of room to complain. A parking garage, a two-story waterfront terminal and a ship docked on the waterfront for two to five days a week are not that much of a visual intrusion.

Not when a terminal would create hundreds of new, well-paying jobs for their community.

There could be some architectural control of the design of the terminal and the garage.

The garage in St. Augustine comes to mind. It is located two blocks from historic St. George Street. At the time it was built, the garage was very controversial. Now, a few years later, hardly anyone considers the garage an intrusion.

There is the concern that Paul Anderson

has backed out of building the terminal and now wants to sell the land he purchased.

Of course, cargo is the Jacksonville Port Authority’s priority; this is where the most money is earned. However, the JPA could look at alternate funding for the cruise terminal.

The parking, embarkation and docking fees would not cover $60 million in bonds to build the terminal. The annual payments would be around $3.5 million on such a bond issue.

The port could obviously spend the bonding capacity on other projects. Instead of raising the fees, there is another alternative.

During the past two years, JPA has received $100 million in state funding to update the deteriorating docks and to build an intermodal railroad terminal. For the current (third year), why not request the $60 million for the cruise terminal from the state? This would allow us to build the terminal without issuing bonds.

This would also leave some monies after salaries and operation and maintenance costs on the terminal. The JPA could use this leftover funding to support the Mayport ferry. The ferry would be an important link to any cruise terminal and would be a higher priority for the JPA. The profits from the terminal could cover the losses of the ferry and the capital costs needed to make capital improvements for the ferry.

The other issue is that the river will be deepened eventually. When it gets to 50 feet, the Hanjan Terminal will be completed at the current location of the cruise terminal.

Hanjan has put its terminal on hold until there is a guarantee that the harbor will be deepened. We are currently a few months from a decision by the Army Corps of Engineers on this deepening. Once this decision is made, the current cruise terminal will need to be relocated or the agreements with the Carnival terminated.

Do we want to lose 200,000 or more tourists per year visiting our area? Do we want to lose a chance to add thousands of additional visitors to the national and state parks near Mayport? Do we want to lose a chance for a source of revenue that could keep the Mayport ferry operating?

If we want all of these benefits, then let us have the Community of Mayport, the JPA and the state of Florida work together to build a cruise terminal and to bundle in funding for the ferry.

Bruce A. Fouraker

Fouraker lives in Jacksonville.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be at least 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to themail@folioweekly. com or snail mail it to Anne Schindler, Editor, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

46 | folio weekly | March 27- april 2, 2012

March 27- april 2, 2012 | folio weekly | 47

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