11.15.11

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In the pantheon of stoner films, “Harold & Kumar” offer rehashed humor at best. p. 15 Civics vs. civility? Florida’s new voting laws ensnare teachers and students. p. 6

2 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

Inside Volume 25 Number 33

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18 NEWS Florida’s new voting laws offer a civics lesson in partisan politics. p. 6

HORRIBLE HOLIDAY STORIES Winners of FW’s “Meet John Waters” writing contest. p. 38

BUZZ, BOUQUETS & BRICKBATS Clerk of the Courts Jim Fuller joins the ranks of campaign song criminals. Plus a local author cashes in with an awfully familiar pseudonym. p. 7

ARTS Riot Grrl legend Kathleen Hanna on zines, scenes and feminist things. p. 48

OUR PICKS Reasons to leave the house this week. p. 13

NEWS OF THE WEIRD Blood soup, blood custard and chocolate with slow-cooked pig’s blood. p. 58

MOVIES Reviews of “Tower Heist” and “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas.” p. 14

BACKPAGE America’s gravest threat isn’t terrorists, instability or even the economy: It’s the GOP. p. 63

MUSIC Songwriter-turned-novelist Josh Ritter makes folk music the old-fashioned way. p. 18 Lawsuits, mosh pits and Krishna are all part of the saga of New York City punk kings Cro-Mags. p. 20 ON THE COVER Folio Weekly’s Annual Holiday Guide. Special pull-out section begins on p. 23

EDITOR’S NOTE p. 4 MAIL p. 5 SPORTSTALK p. 10 I ♥ TELEVISION p. 11 HAPPENINGS p. 51 DINING GUIDE p. 52 I SAW U p. 59 FREEWILL ASTROLOGY p. 600 CLASSIFIEDS p. 61

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The Change-Up

A massive city restructuring targets waste and inefficiency.

It also targets the one agency tasked with doing just that.

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hose who watched Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown unveil his government reorganization plan last week may be forgiven for finding it simultaneously consequential and rather thin.

The color-coded flow chart introduced in the accompanying PowerPoint presentation pulled dozens of freestanding city departments under the umbrella of just five “commissioners,” an unquestionably significant restructuring of administrative power.

But the meat of the plan has yet to hit the plate, slotted for “Phase 2” of the reorganization rollout — some time after the first of the year.

Phase two, importantly, is where the cost savings and “efficiencies” Brown keeps promising get quantified. It’s the administration’s hope that the structural overhaul will allow the

review of the Shipyards deal, finding fault with the city’s handling of $36.5 million of public money. She released a scathing audit of the Equal Business Opportunity office, and recommended staff cuts that saved the city $300,000. She undertook the first comprehensive review of city cell phone charges, finding $170,000 in savings ($50,000 from canceling unused city cell phones alone).

And she rode herd on a tough audit of the city’s sports and entertainment venue manager SMG, ultimately prompting the group to reimburse the city $22,000.

That last bit offers some explanation why Markham also drew the ire of city lobbyist Paul Harden, who represents SMG along with a slew of other special interests, and

The administration’s reorganization repeals the Office of Inspector General, the one agency in city government that might fairly be said to have focused on eliminating waste, inefficiency and fraud.

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mayor’s five commissioners to ferret out savings, but it’s hard to imagine what significant savings can be found after five years of cuts, layoffs and belt-tightening. There may be fat in City Hall’s budget, but it isn’t likely to satisfy Brown’s expectation of cutting next year’s budget by 10 to 15 percent.

Last week’s PowerPoint presentation didn’t instill confidence that the mayor would be able to provide much guidance on that front.

After a campaign built on vague affirmations about “moving Jacksonville forward” and “taking the city to the next level,” Brown’s plan offered little specificity. For instance, the section titled “policy priorities” contained no policies — just a list of favored categories like Economic Development, Jobs, Downtown Development, Port.

Several other proposals sound less like actual ideas than the kind of whiteboard fodder produced at management “brainstorming” sessions. For instance, the “cost savings” promised in Phase 2 include these gems: Right size City Facilities: Sale/leaseback, etc., Inventory Management, including SKU’s (library bulbs, etc.), and pass on more of cost to employees.

Interestingly, the administration’s reorganization prioritizes the repeal of the Office of Inspector General, the one agency in city government that might fairly be said to have focused on eliminating waste, inefficiencies and fraud. Established in 2007 and staffed by veteran city auditor Pam Markham, the office was a creation of the Peyton Administration in extremis; born in the wake of scandal for damage control purposes. But Markham’s 30-year tenure was defined by real, not political, accomplishments. She proposed a reorganization of the Solid Waste Department that cut 35 positions and saved the city $1.2 million. She issued a highly critical

who targeted her office deliberately. In the final hours of this year’s budget negotiations, in fact, as the City Council looked for ways to restore funding to the library’s budget, Harden rallied councilmembers to take the money from Markham’s budget, effectively zeroing it out.

Mayoral Chief of Staff Chris Hand insists the mayor valued the Inspector General’s Office, and correctly observes that it was funded in Brown’s original budget. But the administration’s reorganization codifies the council’s budget vote into law — going so far as to repeal the ordinance that created the Office of Inspector General in the first place. Not only is the repeal unnecessary, it’s unnerving. Some of the auditing duties of that office will be transferred into the newly created Financial Services Commission, but the real strength of the office came from the creation ordinance, which authorized the IG to initiate investigations, undertake audits, review procurement practices, evaluate contracts, issue public reports, even conduct joint investigations with law enforcement.

Of course, there were plenty of people (in and out of city government) who thought the inspector post was hobbled by its chain of command; Markham reported directly to the mayor. But even a watchdog on a leash offers more protection than one that’s been euthanized.

Asked about the decision to dismantle the Office of Inspector General, Markham last week admitted she found it “concerning.” She points out that when the office closed, staff was still working on two or three cases involving what she calls “potential fraud.” Asked where those investigations stood now, she said, “I’m not sure where they have gone. I think they were boxed up.”

Anne Schindler themail@folioweekly.com

Locally Owned and Independent since 1987

Head Case

In regard to the letter “Mind Games” by Amy Knight (Mail, Oct. 25). All I can say is, are you serious? Do you truly believe someone given a diagnosis of mental illness is thrilled to know that medication will be a part of their wellness for the rest of their lives? Not even considering the fact that the mentally ill usually cannot accept the diagnosis and have often not been adequately diagnosed or treated for several years after the onset of this disease? Yes, disease, not “disrupted habits or learned behavior”!

So what exactly should an individual do if he/she is given such a painful diagnosis (one that is treated with disrespect and ignorance)?

Don’t try to classify the individual who is diagnosed with this cruel disease and is fortunate enough to choose psychiatric drugs as misguided. And, yes, having to take psychiatric drugs is equivalent to a diabetic’s need to take insulin.

As an individual who loves and understands the pain and reality of having a family member with a mental illness, I am relieved you are majoring in political science and not in the psychiatric field.

Patti Parker St. Johns via email

Rights and Wrongs

I am tired of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) being attacked. It is disturbing that in 2011 some Americans want to call our great nation a “Christian Nation.” I am a Christian, I pray and I read the Bible.

However, I believe it to be extremely narrowminded to limit this country’s religious diversity to just one faith or any faith at all.

We can debate about “In God We Trust” and the list of past presidential quotes in Norman R. Dunn’s [letter] (Mail, July 12) or we can appreciate our religious freedoms found in the Bill of Rights (First Amendment).

I attended a dinner a few months ago, and the invocation was given in Hebrew.

I was taken aback, because with my head bowed and eyes closed, I was so used to Christian prayers. As the prayer ended, I realized how selfish and protective I had become with my personal beliefs. I was not acknowledging others as Roderick Beaman’s [letter] (Mail, Aug. 16) does.

Mr. Beaman’s comments seem to be inaccurate with regard to the ACLU and the Declaration of Independence. Nevertheless, I’m not sure why the ACLU gets attacked for protecting freedom, liberty, equality and justice for ALL. The Declaration of Independence he mentioned was simply an announcement that America regarded itself as independent from Great Britain in 1776.

The document that truly governs the United States of America is the Constitution, which includes the Bill of Rights. The very first amendment of the Bill of Rights states “Congress shall make NO law respecting an establishment of religion.” This brings me to my question: Where do I find information on America being a “Christian Nation”?

I work for the ACLU, and even though I disagree with Beaman’s interpretation of the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and the First Amendment, I defend his right to free speech, too.

Corey Wilborn Jacksonville via email

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Folio Weekly is published every Tuesday throughout Northeast Florida.

It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes both editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received three weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2011. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly is printed on recycled paper using soy-based inks.

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NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 5

NewsBuzz The Day The Music Died “This tune has ‘Grammy nomination’ written all over it, right?”

— Former Jacksonville mayoral aide Abel Harding, commenting on the horribly cheesy campaign song that local Clerk of the Courts Jim Fuller created for his re-election bid. Listen to it (if you can bear) at bit.ly/rsMHTM. Hard as it is to imagine, Fuller’s song is actually worse than the one Rep. Mike Weinstein’s son wrote and performed in 2010, but Fuller’s benefits from the fact that it doesn’t have an accompanying video (http://on.vh1.com/u3uGav).

Harding, who blogged and wrote for the T-U before his brief stint in Alvin Brown’s administration, is back up and running at abelharding.com.

Seasonal Infectious Disorder “It is November 8. And two, count ’em, TWO #jax radio stations have switched to all Christmas, all the time. What in the what?!”

— Local PR wonk Maria Coppola, Tweeting her frustration about the oversaturation holiday cheer. © 2011ofThose opposed to the creation of a monolithic, two-month “holiday season,” take note: National retailer Nordstrom is transforming its refusal to play along into a marketing strategy. Read about it at bit.ly/vndQmm

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Steele This Book “Besides local interest, it’s got sex, violence, romance, divorce, more sex and courtroom duels.”

— Daniel Q. Steele, pseudonym of a Jacksonville writer who’s penned a down-and-dirty romance novel on Jacksonville’s state attorney, public defender and Sheriff’s Office. The fact that the author’s name just happens to closely resemble that of the doyenne of dirt, Danielle Steel, is just a happy coincidence, we’re certain. Steele, who promises the characters will be “familiar” to local readers, is selling “When We Were Married” as an ebook through Barnes & Noble for $9.95.

Unhappy Campers “Find us somewhere where we can camp legally, Don. Work with us, Don.” — Members of Occupy Jacksonville, imploring Jacksonville City Councilmember Don Redman to help, rather than fight, their efforts. The group, which decided last week to begin a full-fledged 24-houra-day protest, set up shop at the corner of Duval and Laura streets downtown, across from Hemming Plaza (which closes at night).

When Occupiers put lawn chairs and benches on the sidewalk, Redman told them they weren’t allowed to do so. The ACLU says otherwise.

There’s live, streaming video of the occupation at bit.ly/sGvoMk 6 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson has asked the Justice Department to investigate whether a slew of new GOP-backed changes to voting laws is part of a concerted effort to suppress the vote.

Vote of No Confidence

Florida’s new voting laws offer a civics lesson in partisan politics

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ll the Republicans in Tallahassee like House Bill 1355 a lot, but a New Smyrna Beach teacher and her students do not. With apologies to Dr. Seuss, the bill approved by the legislature in May imposes a new set of voting rules that are producing some decidedly Grinch-like outcomes.

The new law restricts how third-party groups can register voters, bars voters from changing their addresses at the polls, and reduces from 14 to eight the number of days early voting is offered. The law’s Republican backers say the changes were needed to prevent voter fraud, though instances of fraud are exceedingly rare. Critics claim the changes are designed to suppress voting among young voters, minorities and the elderly — groups that traditionally lean Democratic.

Regardless of one’s partisan inclinations, the new law has clearly produced some unwanted results. New Smyrna Beach civics teacher Jill Cicciarelli, who was on maternity leave when the legislature approved the changes, was unfamiliar with the law. But she broke it at the

encourage voter drives while protecting voters, while making sure their registrations forms are submitted in a timely manner,” he says. “The last thing we want is a voter showing up at the polls and being told they can’t vote because their registration forms weren’t submitted in time by a third-party registrar.”

Duval, Clay, Nassau and St. Johns counties have not seen the types of problems reported in other parts of the state — at least, not so far.

Duval County Supervisor of Elections Jerry Holland suggests that’s because officials have a good working relationship with teachers and administrators, and are finding ways to register new voters without violating the law.

“We work closely with the schools and even deputize teachers as deputies to help with the process,” he says.

Vicki Cannon, Nassau County’s elections supervisor, sends deputies out to help with voter education, school elections and outreach activities. “When our deputies cannot be present, we provide the Florida Voter Registration Application with a postage-paid

“They’re using ‘fraud’ as a red herring,” says Macnab, adding that it will “not only reduce voter registration, it will frustrate voters on Election Day.” start of the school year when she attempted to pre-register 50 students to vote without registering herself with the state as a third-party organization, as required by law. Cicciarelli received a terse letter from Secretary of State Kurt Browning, saying it was “the first and last warning” she would receive. She could have faced a fine of up to $1,000.

Another teacher was not so lucky. Browning has asked Attorney General Pam Bondi to seek civil fines against Dawn Quarles, a government teacher at Pace High School in the western Florida Panhandle, for turning in voter registrations late. She claims she was not aware the deadline had been changed from 10 days to just 48 hours.

Chris Cate, a spokesperson for the Florida Department of State, says officials are looking into six possible violations in all, including both the Quarles and Cicciarelli cases. “Our goal is to

envelope for the voter to use to return their applications,” Cannon says. “This is our plan for schools as well.”

This year, Clay County elections officials have visited 26 schools, including seven high schools and one college, to get out their voter registration message, as well as sign up voters at just about every fair and festival in the county.

Those efforts have added 1,050 new voters, according to Clay County’s Supervisor of Elections Chris Chambless.

Vicki Oakes, elections supervisor for St. Johns County, works with the school system to develop programs where students can register.

She says it’s too early to determine if the new laws will impede voter registrations, but says her office and the other supervisors will continue to enforce the law.

“It is not a difficult thing,” she says. “Making people responsible is not a bad thing.”

However, none of those four counties has had problems with voter fraud. Though Florida’s elections are nationally synonymous with chaos and illegitimacy, cases are almost unheard of where an individual attempts to falsely register and vote.

U.S. Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Fla.) finds the new measures unnecessary and contrary to democratic goals of voter participation. He wrote to Gov. Rick Scott in October, asking that the new provisions be revoked, and he’s seeking a federal investigation into 14 states — mainly Republican controlled — that have made similar changes to their voting laws.

Nelson, who is seeking re-election in 2012, pointed to a recent report by the Brennan Center for Justice at New York University of School of Law, which found the laws could make it harder for 5 million voters to cast ballots. In a Nov. 3 letter, Nelson asked U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder to have the Justice Department determine if the slew of new voting laws are part of a concerted effort to suppress voter turnout in the 2012 presidential election.

Nelson has also asked a Senate panel to conduct a Congressional investigation of the voting law changes, and is awaiting an answer from Sen. Richard Durbin of Illinois, who chairs the Senate Judiciary subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Human Rights.

“It’s voter suppression,” says Nelson, who met with the New Smyrna Beach teacher and some of her students in his Orlando office to discuss the issue. “If this can happen to a teacher and her students, then this is not a good thing.”

The American Civil Liberties Union has joined other voting rights groups in opposing the rules, and has labeled the new law as the “Voter Suppression Act.” The League of Women Voters has also objected to the rules, which prompted the organization to cease its voter registration efforts in the state for the first time in 72 years.

“The new law imposes a huge number of administrative and financial burdens on voter registration organizations like the League,” says Jessica Lowe-Minor, executive director of the League of Women Voters in Tallahassee, “and we simply do not have the resources necessary to comply.”

League President Deidre Macnab calls the new rules “draconian” and told The Tampa Tribune that it was a transparent attempt to make it “harder to vote.”

“They’re using ‘fraud’ as a red herring,” she said, adding that it will “not only reduce voter registration, it will frustrate voters on Election Day.” Ron Word themail@folioweekly.com

Inconvenient Truths

Mos Before Bros Movember (a combination of “Mo,” as the moustache is known in Australia, and the month of November) is an annual moustache-growing event to raise awareness of men’s health and prostrate cancer. Local events and celebrations include Movember at MoJo No. 4 on St. Johns Avenue on Nov. 17 and the Movember Bake Sale at Riverside Wine Festival in Five Points from 6-9 p.m. on Nov. 19. For complete info, go to MovemberJax.com.

“I am sure you read this article, but I sent it to you now because it is actually fact …”

— Delores Weaver, wife of Jags part-owner Wayne Weaver and a staunch supporter of Alvin Brown during his bid for mayor, in a recent letter to him.

Weaver’s note included a clipping of a piece by Times-Union columnist Ron Littlepage, in which he noted former Brown supporters are increasingly critical of his tendency to “shut out” onetime allies.

Very Unferry “I thought since day one they wanted to get rid of the ferry. I always suspected it was about something else, and obviously I was right.”

— Carol Huffines, a member of the Mayport Waterfront Partnership, intimating that JaxPort had ulterior motives for taking over the money-losing Mayport Ferry in 2007. JaxPort has spent $2.5 million on the ferry since then, but it’s still a money drain.

Jacksonville Fallen Firefighter Memorial Ceremony, North Liberty Street, October 14

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 7

House Hunting 100homesjax.org — A coalition of homeless services organizations will conduct a health survey of the area’s homeless on Nov. 14, 15 and 16, to identify those at risk of dying within a year if they remain homeless. The group has also arranged to provide rental homes plus support services for 100 people who suffer from mental illness, disease or addiction, including 50 military veterans, according to Dawn Gilman from the Homeless Coalition of Northeast Florida. The coalition holds a community conversation on Nov. 18 from 1-3 p.m. at the AT&T Auditorium, 301 W. Bay St., downtown Jacksonville.

Bouquets to Duval County Clerk of the Courts Jim Fuller for fighting for the official public recording of mortgage note sales. Fuller recently filed suit against the electronic mortgage registry giant MERS, accusing it of civil conspiracy and fraudulent and negligent representation. MERS is named as the “owner” of mortgages in court records dealing with loans, which the company tracks as the notes are sold, resold and packaged into securitized debt. The question of “ownership” became a central issue in the foreclosure crisis, as banks foreclosed without being able to prove they owned the loans they sought repayment for.

Because lenders don’t record each sale of a loan when they use MERS, Fuller argues the company usurps the authority of the Clerk of the Courts and deprives the agency of recording fees. Fuller is seeking class action status to represent all 67 Florida counties, and wants an injunction to prohibit MERS from operating in Florida.

Brickbats to Florida Rep. Mike Weinstein (R-Jacksonville) for exploiting the economic crisis to benefit development interests — and flouting home rule in the process. Weinstein’s hometown of Jacksonville has already waived impact fees for developers, but he wants to force all Florida cities and counties to follow suit for at least four years (after which time any attempt to reinstate the fees would doubtless be dubbed a “tax increase”). Weinstein’s proposed legislation would further starve struggling municipalities of revenue, and deprive taxpayers of needed roads and schools.

Bouquets to Occupy Jacksonville for taking its protest effort to the next level.

The group, which started out with weekend rallies in Hemming Plaza, has now gone 24/7 with its protest in front of City Hall. The core group also moved a step deeper into politics, as members attended the Jacksonville City Council meeting last week and asked for the city to provide them with a spot to camp legally. The group also plans to protest an appearance here by former Bush strategist Karl Rove and “fair” tax advocate Neal Boortz later this week.

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NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 9

Joe Mahoney

He’s Got Gamesmanship

Bad QB? Or future politician? What’s the hidden agenda of the Tim Tebow Experience?

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10 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

eople have short memories. For years, the No. 1 thing I heard from locals was, “Weaver needs to bring in Tebow. He’d sell out the stadium.” We knew about his mechanics — not quite “pro-ready” even in his second year — but we also bought into the idea of the indomitable will. We are a beaten-down tribe in the 904. And we just naturally expected that Tebow — the best of us, by far — would succeed, because even if our average ain’t good enough, our best can beat their best in a fair fight.

We assumed Tebow was ours, by dint of geography. Maybe, maybe not. He is one of Some of Us — tied in with First Baptist Church and his pop’s ministry in the Philippines. No dis to Asian island nation soul-saving, but it seems — to the untrained eye — like a gimmick, a way of extending material support in exchange for title and claim to people’s souls. And therein lies the problem with Tebow that many in the national media have, though can’t state. What’s the hidden agenda of the Tim Tebow Experience?

What we have seen over the last few weeks has been less of a referendum on his skills or his “readiness” for the pro game, and more a referendum on Tebow the man. In turn, the commentary on him has functionally been about the values held dear by so many of the opinion-shapers and decision-makers on the so-called First Coast.

Many national commentators simply don’t understand how business is done in the 904.

Like the folks at national sh!t-st!rr!ing website Deadspin.com, who questioned Tebow’s association with First Baptist Church — best known for when its Pastor Jerry Vines called the Muslim prophet Mohammed a “demonobsessed pedophile,” and which questioned Tebow’s father’s outreach to the Philippines, and ties to the controversial Rev. Franklin Graham.

Many folks around the country don’t really subscribe to the Southern Baptist worldview; for them, like those Detroit Lions who mocked Tebow and his public supplications to the Most High, it’s as if Tebow is prostituting his faith.

Maybe it’s a marketing angle. Maybe those of us who believed that Tebow’s strong jersey sales had much to do with his capacity to be a pro quarterback were full of it. Maybe Tebow’s been so popular because he’s the Messiah of the Megachurch, an anodyne cultural figure who represents these people’s self-images. Tall, strong, perfect teeth; the whole gimmicked-up package.

In the NFL, you are defined by your last game.

Two good games in a row, and the NFL Live crew queues up to fluff a player’s pillow. Two bad games? Excommunication. What we have seen during Tebow’s starting stint thus far is what we

see every news cycle from the sports media. The cycle of iconic deconstruction and reinvention.

Tebow loses to the Lions? Uh oh — his mechanical issues have lost the game for the Broncos! Tebow beats the Raiders — in Oakland. Clearly, his unconventional style carried the day! There’s no in-between, no Garrardian mediocrity permitted. At this point, Tebow gets less leeway than Sic ’Em Vick. And perhaps — just perhaps — that works to his long-term advantage. As the Marxists used to say, “the worse, the better.”

What do Jack Kemp and Heath Shuler have in common? Two things: They both served as pro quarterbacks, and they both went home after their careers ended and built political careers off their fame. Never mind that Shuler was one of the worst quarterbacks in the history of the Washington Redskins, a franchise that’s been no stranger to bad quarterbacking for the

Ander Crenshaw has many gifts as a politician, a safe seat among them.

But sooner or later, someone will have to pick up his legacy. last couple of decades. It didn’t stop him from going down home and getting elected as that most fungible of political commodities, the Blue Dog Democrat.

Ander Crenshaw has many gifts as a politician, a safe seat among them. He has never run a truly contested election, and it’s hard to see that changing, reapportionment notwithstanding. But he’s not Charlie Bennett, and he’s not going to die in the House. Which means that, sooner or later, someone will have to pick up his legacy. Who better to do that than Timmy Touchdown, after his pigskin career is over? Short of a scandal involving a live boy or a dead girl, it’d be hard to imagine serious opposition mounting against him. The swing voter will vote for him over whatever Republican hack might decide to run.

AG Gancarski themail@folioweekly.com

Listen to AG Gancarski every Friday on “First Coast Connect” with Melissa Ross on 89.9 FM WJCT.

Pain Management with Acupuncture

The Humpy’s Choice Awards

• NECK & SHOULDERS • LOW BACK PAIN • KNEES & ANKLES • CARPAL TUNNEL • HEADACHES • AUTO ACCIDENT VICTIMS

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Kimberly Ruel, Acupuncture Physician

hen it comes to award ceremonies, there’s nothing worse than the People’s Choice Awards — except the Sophie’s Choice Awards.

(SHE MAKES THE SAME CHOICE EVERY YEAR!!) If you ask me, you shouldn’t let “the people” decide anything — present company excluded. As a general rule, “the people” are dumber than a pool of saliva, and have absolutely no business making any decisions that actually matter. And that includes deciding which TV shows and characters are “best”!

The reason my thong’s all in a knot is because the nominations for the 2011 People’s Choice Awards came out this past week and the results are particularly ignorant and drooly!

For example, “the people’s” nominations for “Favorite Network TV Drama”: There’s “House,” there’s “Grey’s Anatomy,” there’s “The Good Wife,” there’s “Supernatural” and there’s “The Vampire Diaries.” THE VAMPIRE DIARIES???

I’d rather watch someone dangle a powdered doughnut in a fat guy’s face. Now that’s drama!

And “the People’s” choice for favorite band is even worse!! Coldplay?? Foo Fighters?? Linkin Park?? Maroon 5?? Red Hot Chili Peppers?? Did “the People” travel from 1998 just to annoy the poop out of me??

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES???

I’d rather watch someone dangle a powdered doughnut in a fat guy’s face. Now that’s drama!

OK! I’ve decided to say “SCREW THE PEOPLE” and hereby ban the People’s Choice Awards from the universe — FOREVER — and replace them with the far more reasonable and far less democratic “Humpy’s Choice Awards!”

And the nominations are: “Best Network TV Drama”: There aren’t any, because they all stink. WORK HARDER, NETWORKS!!

“Most Annoying Woman on TV”: Gwyneth Paltrow in “Glee,” Kat Dennings in “2 Broke Girls,” Gwyneth Paltrow in “Glee” and Gwyneth Paltrow in “Glee.”

“Most Annoying Man on TV”: The entire cast of “Entourage,” Ashton Kutcher in anything, Matthew Morrison (Will Schuester) in “Glee” and Gwyneth Paltrow in “Glee.”

“Best Freaking Show on TV”: AMC’s “Breaking Bad,” FX’s “American Horror Story,” Adult Swim’s “The Heart, She Holler” and “Children’s Hospital,” FOX’s “Raising Hope,” occasional episodes of AMC’s “Mad Men” and “The Walking Dead,” the first season of FX’s “Louie” and any T-Mobile spot starring that supercute girl in the pink dress.

“Worst Freaking Show on TV”: AMC’s “The Walking Dead” when they’re just moping around instead of bashing zombie heads, any “Law & Order” spin-off or show whose title is initials, three-quarters of any episode of “Glee” and any reality show based on singing, dancing, clothing design, cooking, modeling, racing around the world, castaways, too many children, housewives, ice road trucking or drunk oversexed Yankees.

“Best Song Ever Written Ever”: R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)”. There are no

other nominations.

“Best Name for a Dog”: Rowdy, Monsieur Rufferson, Lil’ Bow Wow (the dog), Gwyneth Paltrow, Hello Kitty, Pavlov’s Human, Marmaduke Goldstein, Waffles, Chopper Sic Balls, Violent J., Cardinal Thomas Stafford Williams the Archbishop Emiritus of Wellington, Gen. Colon Bowel and “Karen.”

“Best Underpaid Weekly TV Columnist”: Wm.™ Steven Humphrey and R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)”.

(GODDAMMIT!! HOW DID “IGNITION” GET NOMINATED?!?)

Two Locations to Serve You 4154 Herschel St., Riverside 831-A North Third Street Jax Beach To Schedule an Appointment

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15 8:00 FOX GLEE Sue goes for the tried and true in her run for Congress: the smear campaign!

9:00 NGC KNIGHTS OF MAYHEM Debut! A show about jousting enthusiasts.

(Seriously, need I say more?)

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16 10:00 ABC REVENGE A new arrival to the Hamptons threatens Emily’s plans for … REVENGE! 10:00 FX AMERICAN HORROR STORY A potential buyer is interested in the haunted house … did we say “haunted”? We meant “wanted”!

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17 8:30 NBC PARKS AND RECREATION Leslie tries to boost tourism by building the smallest park in Indiana. (Might be kinda hard to find, donchathink?)

10:00 FX IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA Mac explains why he got so fat. (Spoiler alert: He thinks it’s not his fault.)

© 201

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18 9:00 NBC GRIMM A stranger seeks revenge for the murder of his friend. I say it was the Big Bad Wolf in Grandma’s house, with the lead pipe.

11:00 VH1 KELLY CLARKSON UNPLUGGED The still-adorable and underrated Kelly performs her two big hits (and other stuff).

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19 11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Tonight’s host is Jason Segal, so expect The Muppets to be close at hand. (GET IT???

MUPPETS?? HAND?? CLOSE?? Forget it.)

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20 9:00 AMC THE WALKING DEAD Rick learns his wife’s big secret, which means Shane’s head has a date with a zombiebashing shovel.

9:00 PBS AMERICAN MASTERS Part 1 of a sweeping documentary about the life and career of director/actor/comedian/musician/ nerd Woody Allen.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21 8:00 BBCA TOP GEAR It’s a “best of” episode featuring the best clips from this often-hilarious Limey car porn show.

9:00 ABC YOU DESERVE IT Debut! A new trivia game show in which contestants win money for people other than themselves. (Umm … what’s the point of that?)

Wm.™ Steven Humphrey steve@portlandmercury.com NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 11

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ons, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 111511 PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

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JAZZ EARL KLUGH &

NNENNA FREELON

Local music lovers get a double shot of jazz talent when vocalist Nnenna Freelon (pictured) and guitarist Earl Klugh present “Jazz Standards: An Intimate Evening” on Friday, Nov. 18 at 8 p.m. at Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville. Grammy-nominee Freelon has performed with artists ranging from Ray Charles and Ellis Marsalis to Aretha Franklin, while being respected for her work as an educator.

Klugh was first in the spotlight at age 13, peeling off hot guitar riffs on “The Perry Como Show”; within two years, he was playing with Yusef Lateef.

Since then, the 58-year-old Grammy Award fave has released more than 30 albums, including a collaboration with childhood hero Chet Atkins, while perfecting a style that prodded Modern Guitar mag to call Klugh “one of the finest acoustic guitar players today.” Tickets are $25; $10 for students.

389-6222. riversidefinearts.org

HARDCORE JOLLIES CRO-MAGS AND AGNOSTIC FRONT

Brewster’s Pit hosts two aggro architects of oldschool New York hardcore starting with Agnostic Front (pictured) on Thursday, Nov. 17 at 6 p.m.

After your bleeding eardrums coagulate, it’s time to let the Cro-Mags go primitive on your ass on Saturday, Nov. 19 at 6 p.m. Brewster’s Pit is at 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets for each show are $15. 223-9850. Check out our feature on the Cro-Mags on page 20.

FILM TWILIGHT SAGA

Fangs for the memories! “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1” premieres on Friday, Nov. 18 at 12:01 a.m. at participating local (and apparently most global!) theaters. Fans who like to sink their teeth into this immensely (and annoyingly) popular series can “Count” (pun!) their blessings on Thursday, Nov. 17 when three local cineplexes feature a marathon screening of the three previous films, culminating in the midnight debut of “Dawn.” The fun starts at 4 p.m. at Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., Jacksonville; at 4:45 p.m. at Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., Orange Park and at 4:45 p.m. at Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., Fernandina Beach. Ticket prices vary.

Check our film listings on page 16 for details on this and some non-bloodsucking movies.

Reasons to leave the house this week

WESTERN SWING RIDERS IN THE SKY

Since 1977, the 10-gallon-hat-wearing gents Riders in the Sky have been delivering their savvy, amusing — and family-friendly — take on Western swing, paying tribute to Sons of the Pioneers, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry and other cowboy music trailblazers. The Grammy-winning quartet is a frequent guest on “Prairie Home Companion” and has released two dozen recordings of primo cowpoke tunes. Riders in the Sky perform on Friday, Nov. 18 at 7 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Tickets are $26. 355-2787.

BOOKS SUE GRAFTON

It’s no mystery why sleuth-loving readers find Sue Grafton’s books so arresting. Best known for her alphabetical series (“‘A’ is for Alibi,” and so forth) featuring the no-nonsense P.I. Kinsey Millhone, Grafton has published works in 28 countries. Her stories get referenced in shows like “The Sopranos” and “The Office,” and they’re so recognizable, the late author Stieg Larsson described one of his characters as looking like a “a detective by Sue Grafton” in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” Grafton signs copies of her latest, “V” is for Vengeance, on Thursday, Nov. 17 at 7 p.m. at Books-A-Million, 1910 Wells Road, Orange Park. 215-2300.

MUSIC NATURAL LIFE FEST

Northeast Floridians who want to get down for a stand-up cause must head to the Natural Life Music Festival & Crafternoon on Sunday, Nov. 20 from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. at Metropolitan Park, 4110 Gator Bowl Blvd., Jacksonville. Craftsmen and women offer their creations made using recycled and “upcycled” materials, and you can make your own tie-dye Ts and DIY hula hoops. There’s face-painting, banner-graffiti painting and live music by Lera Lynn, Time Easton, Grandpa’s Cough Medicine, Modern Skirts, Shovels & Rope and River Whyless. Proceeds benefit the Children’s Home Society of Florida. naturallifemusicfestival.com

FOLIO WEEKLY’S MARTINIFEST

Attention, all martini heads (Martinians?)! Whether you prefer yours shaken, stirred or delivered straight up, you’ll be sipping pretty at Folio Weekly’s eighth annual MartiniFest on Friday, Nov. 18 from 7-10 p.m. at Touchdown Club West, EverBank Field, 1 Stadium Place, Jacksonville. Northeast Florida’s ultimate mix-and-mingle offers more than 50 varieties, along with light hors d’oeuvres and DJ Kinesis spinning on the decks. Advance tickets are $25; $30 at the door (cash only). Advance VIP tickets get you in at 6 p.m. for $30; $35 at the door. 260-9770. folioweekly.com

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 13

Ben Stiller shows Matthew Broderick how to deliver his patented “Zoolander Middle-Aged Blue Steel Look” in the crime caper comedy “Tower Heist.”

Scheme Weaver

A mediocre script prevents the ensemble cast of “Tower Heist” from delivering laugh payoffs Tower Heist **@@

Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

I

t’s good to see Eddie Murphy back in razorsharp comedic form. “Tower Heist” is the funny man’s best live-action role since his Oscar-nominated turn in “Dreamgirls” (2006) and it may help him reconnect with fans after the back-to-back disasters of “Norbit” (’07) and “Meet Dave” (’08).

Murphy just about steals the show in this new film, finally getting a role tailor-fitted to his many talents. Significantly, the movie is an ensemble piece, with Murphy in a supporting role instead of front-and-center.

With the notable exception of his star billing in “Beverly Hills Cop” and “Nutty Professor” flicks, Murphy’s at his best when playing off a comparable partner or foil.

“Tower Heist” teams the former SNLer with an extremely talented and likable group of actors in a comic revenge/fantasy inspired by the Bernie Madoff scandal. Screenwriters Ted Griffin (“Oceans Eleven”) and Jeff Nathanson (both “Rush Hour” sequels) offer a scenario

upon himself to invest the workers’ funds with Arthur in the first place, he feels guilty and angry, in equal measure.

Having lost his job after confronting Arthur with his misdealing, Josh bands together with a faithful few of Arthur’s victims to steal the $20 million the former entrepreneur has supposedly hidden in the penthouse. His cohorts in crime include desk clerk Charlie (Casey Affleck), new elevator operator Enrique (Michael Pena), Jamaican maid Odessa (Gabourey Sidibe) and an evicted tenant, Mr. Fitzhugh (Matthew Broderick). Utterly clueless about the intricacies of the illegal endeavor, Josh enlists the aid of petty thief and former childhood friend Slide (Eddie Murphy).

Directed by current A-lister Brett Ratner (the “Rush Hour” trilogy and “X-Men: The Last Stand”), “Tower Heist” is geared for laughs, not credibility, much in the tone of “Rush Hour.”

There is a white-knuckler of a scene involving a Ferrari dangling from the roof above the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but that’s about it in terms of the How-Will-They-Pull-It–Off formula. The rest of the plotting, if not quite the actual script, is strictly by the numbers.

Ben Stiller is good in the familiar role of underdog nice guy, but essentially he’s the straight man here. Similarly cast is Casey

As usual, the film’s trailers were hilarious. Just as typically, the movie does not quite meet expectations.

14 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

in which the lowliest of the bilked investors get their own back — and more — from the avaricious bastard who fleeced them. For better or worse, Hollywood is still a dream factory.

The Madoff-inspired corporate crook in “Tower Heist” is Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda, in a terrific performance). The film’s opening scene shows him swimming in his penthouse pool, designed like a $100 bill, atop New York City’s Tower apartment building where he holds financial court. At first, Arthur seems like a nice guy, friendly and gracious to the staff.

He even plays chess online with the building’s manager, Josh Kovacs (Ben Stiller).

The bubble bursts, however, after Arthur is busted by FBI agent Claire Denham (Tea Leoni, also terrific). Claire informs Josh and his crew that their retirement fund, once overseen by the now-disgraced hotshot, is no more, vanished like those of hundreds more in an elaborate Ponzi scheme. Since Josh had taken it

Affleck, a good actor but here given a fairly thankless role as the distraught desk clerk trying to save his job while his wife prepares for childbirth. Next to Eddie Murphy, the biggest laughs in the film belong to Matthew Broderick and Michael Pena. Pena is especially surprising, his biggest roles heretofore probably being in “The Lincoln Lawyer” and “Battle: Los Angeles,” playing the stereotypical Latin badass. In “Tower Heist,” he gets to show another side altogether.

As usual, the film’s trailers were hilarious.

Just as typically, the movie does not quite meet expectations. It’s funny, don’t get me wrong, but not nearly as funny as it might have been. The fault, it would appear, is an uneven script that’s simply spread too thin over the diverse cast.

The result is a weakly plotted heist flick with more chuckles than belly laughs — OK, but nothing special.

Pat McLeod themail@folioweekly.com

Rehash Pipe

The doped-out latest from “Harold and Kumar” leaves even the most diehard fans burned out A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas **@@

Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

T

he advent of video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band meant that American teens were instantly introduced to the music their parents (and grandparents) grew up with — from The Beatles to Black Sabbath and beyond.

Too bad a similar mechanism isn’t in place for film. Were that the case, a generation of young potheads would realize that the epic stoner-duo comedy did not begin with Ice Cube and Chris Tucker (“Friday”), or Jim Brewer and Dave Chappelle (“Half-Baked”), or even John Cho and Kal Penn (“Harold & Kumar”). We can rightly attribute that watershed moment to the kings of drug humor: Richard “Cheech” Marin and Tommy Chong.

With one movie — “Up in Smoke” — Cheech and Chong took a handoff from Al Sleet, George Carlin’s mid-’60s happily stoned Hippie-Dippie Weatherman, and drove it into the end zone of American consciousness. Their humor was rude, self-deprecating and stealthily accurate. Couple that with a multicultural appeal, and the handful of records and first three films released by the comedy duo still stand as unflinching portraits of American indulgence, excess and prejudice viewed through a haze of bittersweet marijuana smoke.

In contrast, the best the new millennium has to offer is Harold and Kumar, a delightfully innocuous pairing at best, a vapid rehash at worst. With their debut in “Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle,” the heavyhanded bludgeoning began, playing on the munchies theme as a catalyst for an evening of misadventures. The sequel, “Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay,” took a slightly — slightly — more political tone, with the boys falsely imprisoned in the infamous torture hole, victims of racial profiling. Now we have “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas.”

The three-quel opens with Harold and Kumar living two very different lives. It’s been years since their last adventure together, and they’ve since become estranged. Kumar (Penn) has sunk more deeply into his slacker lifestyle, wallowing in empty pizza boxes, dirty laundry and high-grade weed. Harold (Cho), on the other hand, has broken up with ol’ MaryJane, opting for a career at the top of the corporate ladder in a Manhattan skyscraper.

As Harold heads home to spend Christmas with his lovely wife Maria (Paula Garcés) and her large Hispanic family in their wellappointed suburban Colonial, Kumar receives a package addressed to his former bong-sharing buddy. He’s also just found out his ex-girlfriend is preggers. So with a heavy heart and heavier eyelids, Kumar sets out with his new best

I’ll Be Stoned for Christmas: Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) regret eating all those Burl Ives Space Cakes in “A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas.”

Expecting narrative cohesion from a stoner film may seem counterintuitive, but it’s what holds better drug films (“Dazed and Confused,” “Pineapple Express,” “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”) together. friend, a full-on computer dork on a mission to deflower the daughter of New York’s most vicious Mafioso, to deliver the non-descript package to Harold.

Within a few minutes of his arrival, the family Christmas tree, which has deep meaning to Harold’s fire-breathing father-in-law, (played to the hilt by Danny Trejo), is set aflame. Harold has been trying for years to win over the hardnosed traditionalist, and his ambitious plan of promising to decorate the tree while the family attends midnight mass is immediately foiled by the bumbling Kumar. And so begins a journey into the city, where lives the aforementioned virgin, who just happens to possess an exact replica of the very tree Harold needs to replace.

H&K fans will absolutely love this holidaythemed romp. It’s filled with tropes that litter both stoner flicks and holiday movies alike. As with its predecessors, this installment works best as social satire, poking fun at cheeseball Christmas sentiment, cultural stereotypes and drug culture in general. Cameos by Patton Oswalt, Wu-Tang Clan’s RZA and “Harold & Kumar” regular Neil Patrick Harris are especially entertaining, with Harris stealing the show every time he appears. His song-and-dance number, gay “publicity stunt” and dressing-room rape scene are the best moments in the film.

And Thomas Lennon, an unsung comedy talent since his days writing and acting in the early

’90s skit show “The State,” is a riot as a protective new dad whose toddler becomes a coke-addicted, weed-toking, ecstasy-popping playah.

But, ultimately, the balance of satire and vulgarity seems a little off here, sapping the already flimsy narrative of its strength.

Expecting narrative cohesion from a stoner film may seem counterintuitive, but it’s what holds better drug films (“Dazed and Confused,” “Pineapple Express,” “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”) together. And it’s what made Cheech and Chong so special. As stupid as their ideas were, as witless as the duo cast themselves, there remained a sensitivity to storytelling that seems to have been lost over decades of similar fare. In the Pantheon of Pot Pictures, the “Harold & Kumar” franchise will doubtless wither and fade.

Lest we forget, this little comedy is shot in 3D, a point lampooned early on when Harold asks, “Hasn’t the whole 3D thing jumped the shark by now?” Yes, it has, and this may be the most salient aspect of the new “H&K” movie. When rings of pot smoke become 3D devices, and little else of substance breaks the fourth wall, we can all finally concede that 3D is merely a headache-inducing diversion from what Hollywood consistently fails to deliver: solid stories, shot well.

John E. Citrone themail@folioweekly.com

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 15

**** ***@ **@@ *@@@

FILM RATINGS

HEAVY D HEAVY METAL HEAVY LIQUID HEAVY DIAPER

NOW SHOWING THE BIG YEAR **@@ Rated PG • Carmike Fleming Island Based on Mark Obmascik’s book, “The Big Year: A Tale of Man, Nature and Fowl Obsession,” this film will delight birders the way “Sideways” tickled sommeliers. Unlike that wine dramedy, “The Big Year” has little substance. With Steve Martin, Owen Wilson and Jack Black.

COURAGEOUS **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Regal Avenues A faith-based film about four police officers navigating different stages of fatherhood.

DOLPHIN TALE **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Regal Avenues This family-geared tale, starring Harry Connick Jr., Morgan Freeman and Nathan Gamble, is about a young dolphin named Winter and her search for a life with “porpoise.”

FOOTLOOSE **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This remake of the ’80s film stars Kenny Wormald as a Boston teen who moves to the Deep South only to discover — egad! — that dancing is not only frowned upon but nay … dare we say it? … banned by the local killjoy clergyman Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid). We miss Kevin Bacon.

THE HELP **G@ Rated PG-13 • Regal Avenues Emma Stone and Viola Davis star in this tale set in 1960s Mississippi, about a young woman who collects the stories of African-American women in her town who’ve spent their lives working for white families — and publishes them in a sensational book.

THE IDES OF MARCH ***@ Rated R • Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Director and costar George Clooney’s Oscar-buzzworthy film is about an idealistic campaign manager (Ryan Gosling) who gets a reality check while working for a Democratic presidential hopeful (Clooney). Philip Seymour Hoffman and Paul Giamatti co-star.

IMMORTALS **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This fantasy adventure is the saga of humble stonemason Theseus (Henry Cavill), chosen by the gods of Mount Olympus to stop power-hungry King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) in his villainous quest to find the Bow of Epirus, a weapon that grants invincibility! Yikes!

IN TIME *@@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried star in this mediocre sci-fi offering about immortality that seems to drag on forfreakin’-ever. Oh, the irony!

JACK AND JILL **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

16 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

“It’s confirmed: The harmless, laughing yuckster we know as ‘Woody Woodpecker’ is in fact a KGB operative and mastermind of the Red Menace!” Leonardo DiCaprio and Armie Hammer warn the nation of “Gigglegate” in Clint Eastwood’s “J. Edgar.”

AREA THEATERS AMELIA ISLAND Carmike Amelia Island 7, 1132 S. 14th St., 261-9867 ARLINGTON & REGENCY AMC Regency 24, 9451 Regency Square Blvd., 264-3888 BAYMEADOWS & MANDARIN Regal Avenues 20, 9525 Philips Highway, 538-3889 BEACHES Regal Beach Blvd. 18, 14051 Beach Blvd., 992-4398 FIVE POINTS 5 Points Theatre, 1028 Park St., 359-0047 NORTHSIDE Hollywood River City 14, River City Marketplace, 12884 City Center Blvd., 757-9880

This holiday comedy features Adam Sandler starring in dual roles as siblings Jack and Jill, who hope they can survive Hanukkah and each other. Al Pacino and Katie Holmes also star.

J. EDGAR **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This historical drama stars Leonardo DiCaprio as J. Edgar Hoover, the creator of the FBI who spent five decades as head of national security, serving under eight presidents during three wars. Naomi Watts and Armie Hammer also star in director Clint Eastwood’s latest.

MONEYBALL ***@ Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

This sports biopic, based on the true life story of Oakland A’s General Manager Billy Beane, hits a grand slam on the strength of an all-star script and trophy-worthy performance

by Brad Pitt.

A MOTHER’S STORY **@@ Not Rated • Cinemark Tinseltown Pokwang, Beth Tamayo and Rayver Cruz headline this import from The Philippines about a mother who leaves America and returns to Manila with the hope of winning back her children’s love. In Tagalog and English.

PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3 **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal

ORANGE PARK AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Road, (888) AMC-4FUN Carmike Fleming Island 12, 1820 Town Center Blvd., 621-0221 SAN MARCO San Marco Theatre, 1996 San Marco Blvd., 396-4845 SOUTHSIDE Cinemark Tinseltown, 4535 Southside Blvd., 998-2122 ST. AUGUSTINE Epic Theatres, 112 Theatre Drive, 797-5757 IMAX Theater, World Golf Village, 940-IMAX Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., 829-3101

Beach Blvd.

Third offering from this popular series about one pesky and persistent demon. In this prequel, we discover how sisters Katie and Kristi first came into contact with the evil presence, delivered with the expected surveillance-style footage that made the other films such spooky hits.

PUSS IN BOOTS **@@ Rated PG • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

The animated family film from the “Shrek”-meisters, with Antonio Banderas voicing Puss and Zach Galifinakis in for Humpty Dumpty, also features Salma Hayek, Amy Sedaris and Guillermo del Toro, in a paint-by-the-numbers fur-filled fantasy that never rises to the level of humor or inventiveness of the original “Shrek” movies.

REAL STEEL *G@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Hugh Jackman stars in this silly sci-fi story about boxing robots that should’ve been KO’d on the cutting-room floor.

ROCKSTAR **@@ Not Rated • AMC Regency Square A young man thinks he needs to suffer to be a successful musician, so he pops the question to a girl he has no chance in hell of ever even dating, much less marrying.

THE RUM DIARY ***@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic

Theatre St. Augustine, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd., San Marco Theatre Based on Hunter S. Thompson’s novel, “The Rum Diary” stars Johnny Depp as a journalist who encounters treachery, intrigue and — spoiler alert! — lots of rum during a freelance writing gig in Puerto Rico. With Giovanni Ribisi and Aaron Eckhart.

THE THING ***@ Rated R • AMC Regency Square A remake of John Carpenter’s 1982 remake of the 1951 Christian Nyby/Howard Hawks classic, “The Thing from Another World,” this pre-prequel is no embarrassment, but it won’t make us forget the first two — or the pros who made them.

THE THREE MUSKETEERS **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Cinemark Tinseltown Director Paul W.S. Anderson’s tepid take on Dumas’ classic adventure tale, with watery conspiracy theories and dull acting from Milla Jovovich and Orlando Bloom.

TOWER HEIST **@@ Rated PG-13 • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PART ONE **@@ Rated PG-13 • Opens Nov. 15 in just about every theater nationwide Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner return in this latest from the fang gang. The wolf pack and vampire clan are closing in on expectant parents Edward (Pattinson) and Bella (Stewart).

A VERY HAROLD AND KUMAR 3D CHRISTMAS **@@ Rated R • AMC Orange Park, AMC Regency Square, Carmike Fleming Island, Cinemark Tinseltown, Epic Theatre St. Augustine, Hollywood River City, Regal Avenues, Regal Beach Blvd.

Reviewed in this issue.

THE WAY ***G Rated PG-13 • Epic Theatre St. Augustine Martin Sheen stars as Tom, a grieving father whose son Daniel (Emilio Estevez, who also wrote and directed) was killed on a pilgrimage — hiking from France to Spain. To honor Daniel, Tom continues the trek and meets some interesting characters along the way. And no, the other Sheen/Estevez man is not on the trail.

OTHER FILMS THE BLUES BROTHERS They’re getting the band back together. The 1980 comedy stars Dan Aykroyd, John Belushi and John Candy, along with a buttload of real musicians — James Brown, Cab Calloway, Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, Steve Cropper (play it, Steve!), Donald "Duck" Dunn and Chaka Khan. It screens at 5:45 p.m. on Nov. 17 in the Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. Admission is free. 630-1741.

POT BELLY’S CINEMA “Straw Dogs,” “The Guard,” “Sarah’s Key” and “Crazy, Stupid, Love” are shown at Pot Belly’s, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine. 829-3101.

WGHOF IMAX THEATER “Puss In Boots 3D,” Space Station,” “Rescue 3D,” “Legends of Flight 3D,” “Born To Be Wild 3D,” “Hubble 3D” and “Under The Sea 3D” are shown at World Golf Hall of Fame Village, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. 940-IMAX. worldgolfimax.com

NEW ON DVD & BLU-RAY CONAN THE BARBARIAN Move over, Ah-nuld! Jason Momoa stars as Conan, the muscle-bound warrior from author Robert E. Howard’s popular stories, who must fight a supernatural evil threatening all of Hyboria! Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan and Stephen Lang co-star in director Marcus Nispel’s take on this sword-and-sorcery standard.

SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD This fourth installment of the family action series from writerdirector Robert Rodriguez calls ex-secret agent Marissa Cortez Wilson (Jessica Alba) out of retirement to battle the evil Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven), with help from stepkids Rebecca (Rowan Blanchard) and Cecil (Mason Cook), trying to stay a step ahead of nosy husband Wilbur, played by Joel McHale of TV’s “Talk Soup” and “Community.”

12 ANGRY MEN Sidney Lumet’s 1957 film virtually set the template for the courtroom drama genre on the strength of a gripping story and an ensemble cast that included Jack Warden, Jack Klugman, E.G. Marshall and Henry Fonda. This deluxe edition features a restored print and sound.

THE WEIRD WORLD OF BLOWFLY Director Jonathan Furmanski’s documentary chronicles the life of 70-year-old songwriter-producer Clarence Reid and his journey from working with jazz greats like Dinah Washington to becoming Blowfly, an X-Rated funky ’70s superhero and the self-professed father of rap, with a cult following.

The producers call it an innovative plot device rather than a shameless, just-in-time-for-the-holidays, take-themoney-and-run gimmick: Adam Sandler plays (egad!) dual roles in the sibling rivalry comedy “Jack and Jill.”

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 17

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Word Up: Songwriter and novelist Josh Ritter performs at Café Eleven on Nov. 16.

JOSH RITTER with SARAH HARMER Wednesday, Nov. 16 at 8 p.m.

Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach Advance tickets are $20; $25 at the door 460-9311

F

or nearly 50 years, America has been searching for the next Bob Dylan. Perhaps we should’ve instead been searching for the next © 2011folk balladeer John Prine — a hardworking who works not in the celebrity limelight, but as an anonymous wanderer, traveling the country to channel its fear, heartache and optimism into song.

Josh Ritter might be the prime candidate.

Born in Idaho, Ritter attended Ohio’s Oberlin College, where he majored in the self-created “American History Through Narrative Folk Music” field of study. He then spent six months in Scotland, studying Celtic traditions before moving to Boston, where he became a fixture on that city’s storied openmic scene. Ritter, who recorded his self-titled debut and its follow-up for a measly $1,000, first gained a musical foothold in Ireland.

In fact, his fourth and fifth albums were the first to truly find traction with the American mainstream. And today, he’s arguably one of our greatest living songwriters.

Folio Weekly spoke with the amiable Josh Ritter about his blue-collar origin, his steady songwriting approach and his new life as a novelist.

FolioWeekly

Folio Weekly: On your upcoming Southeast tour, all your appearances are solo acoustic shows. Is that a nice break for you?

Josh Ritter: It is. I started solo, so it’s always [been] both daunting and refreshing. The daunting part being, well, here you are on your own — you can’t blame mistakes on anyone else. But the refreshing part is, it really sharpens the performance and provides a bunch of different opportunities to take the 18 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

show in any direction you want.

F.W.: Your story is unusual. You spent years studying folk music and playing open mics before you ever achieved success. That doesn’t happen much anymore.

J.R.: Business people have really discovered marketing in the last couple of years as a shortcut. And if you’re trying to lure people in to working with you, promising that something will happen quickly is one way to go. It seems like if you desire something enough, or if you’re

“I always thought that there was nothing better in folk music than the words and the stories. But I feel that way about a lot of stuff: Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco, Hank Williams, the new Tom Waits record.” willing to do certain things, that can take you to some unnamed destination. Everybody wants to make it, and my good fortune early on was to not have those short circuits offered to me. “Making it” initially was selling two or three records at an open mic. Over time, those victories have changed, but that same kind of excitement of being able to actually do this is what I feel really lucky about. Of course, I wanted to be on the cover of Rolling Stone like everybody else. [Laughs.]

F.W.: Has your songwriting approach changed from the early part of your career?

J.R.: I hope it hasn’t. There was more real life slipped in then, when all I had to do was write and no one was listening. But what you’re really trying to do is keep that initial feeling of excitement, like, “People are going to like this song — I like this song. I’m humming it, I’m really excited.” That’s the part that you have to hold on to, that excitement and hunger to keep writing music. The songs might get wordier or simpler, but hopefully that philosophy will stay the same.

F.W.: Given your college studies and the subject of your recent novel, you’re obviously a big history buff. Has that always played an inspirational role in your music?

J.R.: Totally. I always thought that there was nothing better in folk music than the words and the stories; I’ve always been interested and intrigued by them. And that abiding charm of people’s stories has always brought me back.

But I feel that way about a lot of stuff: Jay-Z, Lupe Fiasco, Hank Williams, the new Tom Waits record. The beauty is in finding those modern stories.

F.W.: Your first novel, “Bright’s Passage,” came out to widespread critical acclaim this year.

What prompted you to write it?

J.R.: I initially thought that writing prose would give me much more freedom; for the first time in 10 years, I didn’t have to rhyme anything. So much of writing songs is about concision, and I was really excited about being able to stretch my legs a little bit with the book. But as editing went on, it became more and more clear that prose has to be just as concise. The freedom of working at something that feels like it’s flowing out of you very freely — I hope that continues and that the songs and the prose keep coming out perfect. But that’s very rare. I’d rather work on them so I can stand it for the rest of my life.

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly.com

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 19

Becky Brooks

Punk To Go: Cro-Mags frontman John Joseph McGowan.

I’m Your Captain (Caveman)

Lawsuits, mosh pits and Krishna are all part of the saga of New York City punk kings Cro-Mags CRO-MAGS Saturday, Nov. 19 at 7 p.m.

Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville Tickets are $15 223-9850

P

©

20 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

unk rock’s long, storied history is peppered with divisive relationships, combative personalities and disastrous shows, but no band has been fraught with as much tension, aggression and confrontation as New York City’s Cro-Mags. Trafficking in an ear-splitting blend of punk, thrash metal and hardcore before any of those genres went mainstream, Cro-Mags was born of the crime-riddled streets of NYC’s early ’80s Lower East Side, when junkies and gang members ruled the 2011 neighborhood. Cro-Mags history isn’t set in stone, however; there are at least 100 different versions with 1,000 different players. The most accepted version goes something like this: Fourteen-year-old bassist Harley Flanagan and 16-year-old guitarist Parris Mayhew founded Cro-Mags around 1980. Flanagan had already dropped out of early punk innovators The Stimulators at age 12 in favor of creating his own clamorous brand of music. The duo had trouble finding steady musicians to support them, though. In 1982, they practiced with 15-year-old Eric Casanova on vocals and Bad Brains manager Dave Hahn on drums. Casanova left the band for personal reasons, and a host of others followed: John Berry, who originally ran with The Beastie Boys. Dave Stein, Mackie Jayson. And then John Joseph “Bloodclot” McGowan, a former Bad Brains roadie and AWOL Navy veteran who’d played in Mode of Ignorance with Flanagan, appeared. The man who would eventually become the most famous Cro-Mag of all took over on vocals in 1984.

After building a fan base in the derelict bars, abandoned squats and decrepit punk clubs in New York City, McGowan, Mayhew, Flanagan and Jayson laid down their sonic fury on a selffinanced demo. Though the album was never properly released until 2000, it did get Cro-Mags a deal with Profile Records and Rock Hotel.

After adding second guitarist Doug Holland, the band released 1986’s “Age of Quarrel,” a classic many consider one of the first true blends of punk, metal and hardcore. The album also included hints of McGowan’s unlikely Hare Krishna spirituality, a philosophy that’s still associated with the band.

The Cro-Mags toured in 1986 with bigname acts like Motorhead, Megadeth and GBH, but intra-band tension, compounded by poor business decisions, quickly tore the classic lineup apart. McGowan left after a dispute with

FolioWeekly

Flanagan over money, and Jayson joined Bad Brains. Flanagan assumed the frontman role for 1989’s “Best Wishes,” but Cro-Mags’ rabid fans weren’t happy with McGowan’s departure, and further problems forced everyone but Flanagan to flee as well.

In 1991, Century Media convinced Flanagan to restart the band on one condition: McGowan had to be the frontman. They put their differences behind them and entered the studio to record “Alpha Omega” and “Near Death Experience.” The latter album’s title was a sign of things to come, though. Flanagan and McGowan again came to blows; not only that, but Mayhew claimed he wrote most of the material on “Alpha Omega,” even though he wasn’t in on the recording sessions. Cro-Mags fell apart for the second time, with McGowan returning to the streets and Flanagan and Mayhew reigniting their friendship as metal band White Devil.

In 1998, McGowan organized a Hardcore for Hunger benefit in New York City, performing Cro-Mags material without Mayhew or Flanagan. Fans went berserk, and MTV covered the event, but in the meantime, White Devil changed its name to Samsara, recorded an album called “Revenge” for Def Jam, sued the label for rights to it, and released it in 2000 under the Cro-Mags name. McGowan got pissed and started his own Cro-Mags offshoot, Age of Quarrel. Meanwhile, Flanagan and Mayhew parted ways for the umpteenth time, Flanagan and McGowan made up for the umpteenth time and reunited as Cro-Mags, Mayhew threatened a lawsuit, and Flanagan and McGowan were forced to perform as Street Justice.

Unsurprisingly, that lasted for only a few gigs.

Confused yet? Now it’s the end of 2011, and McGowan’s once again hitting the road under the Cro-Mags moniker, without Flanagan or Mayhew involved. Meanwhile, there are at least three “official” Cro-Mags websites, each with contradictory histories. Complicating matters, in 2007, McGowan released a riveting autobiography, “Evolution of a Cro-Mag(non).”

If he’s considered the de facto face of Cro-Mags once again, maybe it’s because he put his version of the convoluted story into words. Go out and find a copy — once you start reading, you won’t be able to put it down.

So believe what you will about CroMags. Pinning down a definitive history may be impossible, but there’s no debating the band’s impact. As Mayhew states on his website, “Obviously God didn’t bring these guys together to be friends … it was to make hardcore music.”

Nick McGregor themail@folioweekly.com

FreebirdLive.com 200 N. 1st St., Jax Beach, FL • 904.246.BIRD (2473) WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 16

CONCERTS THIS WEEK

THE BLED, DECODER, FAITH CITY FIASCO, MYTH OF MYSELF The punk rock kicks off at 8 p.m. on Nov. 15 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 398-7496.

NOUVEAUX HONKIES The Americana artists perform at 8 p.m. on Nov. 15 at European Street CafĂŠ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15. 399-1740.

RAIN: A TRIBUTE TO THE BEATLES This Broadway fave Beatles tribute act appears at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 16 at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $36.50-$72. 632-3373.

AMID THE ROAR, BEARSHARK, INDIGO, U.S. GOGGLES The local groups perform at 8 p.m. on Nov. 16 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 398-7496.

THE ORIGINAL WAILERS (featuring AL ANDERSON), JAH ELECT Reggae music kicks off at 8 p.m. on Nov. 16 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $20. 246-2473.

JOSH RITTER, SARAH HARMER Americana artist Ritter performs at 8 p.m. on Nov. 16 at CafĂŠ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. Advance tickets are $20; $25 at the door. 460-9311.

JIMMY SOLARI Songwriter Solari plays at 9 p.m. on Nov. 16 at Island Girl Cigar Bar, 7860 Gate Parkway, Jacksonville. 854-6060.

THE FAB FOUR This Beatles tribute act is on at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach.

Advance tickets are $32.50; $37.50 day of show. 209-0399.

THE KNUX, JORDY TOWERS & EVIL Innovative rappers The Knux perform at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17 at CafĂŠ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. Tickets are $6. 460-9311.

DEANS SAMS, BRIAN McCOMAS, AARON BENWARD, KEITH ANDERSON Dean Sams of Lone Star plays at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., Jacksonville. Between 7:15 and 7:45 p.m., audience members are encouraged to put a song title in a hat. Before the night’s end, the country hunks will write and perform an original composition using a randomly selected title. Advance tickets are $18; $25 at the door. 365-5555.

NOTHIN’ FANCY These humble musicians perform at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17 at European Street CafÊ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $12.50. 399-1740.

SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS, DARKHORSE SALOON Trash rockers SCOTS play at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15. 398-7496.

AGNOSTIC FRONT These hardcore heavyweights are on

from 12:30-9 p.m. on Nov. 19 at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre, at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., 1340C A1A S., St. Augustine. Prizes, food and information booths, Jacksonville. Tickets are $15. 223-9850. too. Proceeds benefit St. Johns County school music programs.

BRADY REICH Singer-songwriter Reich plays at 9 p.m. on Nov. Tickets are $15; $10 for students. 209-0367.

17 at Island Girl Cigar Bar, 7860 Gate Parkway, Jacksonville.

MARSHFEST ’11: THE PALM VALLEY BOYS, NOT UNHEARD, 854-6060.

GRIMM WHITE STEED The local band is on at 9 p.m. on Nov. 17 RED AFTERNOON, PUNCHBUGGIES, SPLINTERS, TERRY at Garage Bar & Grill, 12095 N. Main St., Jacksonville. 647-9121.

WHITEHEAD, SHADES OF RED COMBO Marshfest is held from SHE’S COUNTRY TOUR with HEIDI NEWFIELD, BRIDGETTE 10 a.m.-3 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Dutton Island Preserve, Atlantic SATURDAY NOVEMBER 19 TATUM The contemporary country kicks off at 6 p.m. on Nov. 18 Beach. Kayak and canoe trips and food are available. Exhibits, at Mavericks, 2 Independent Drive, Jacksonville. 356-1110. raffles and a drawing for a new kayak are featured. Proceeds TONY SMOTHERMAN CD Release Guitar-shredder Smotherman benefit the efforts of Marsh Preservation Society. 247-5805. celebrates his new release at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Brewster’s Pit, JOHNSTON DUO The acoustic pair are on at 6 p.m. on Nov. 19 at 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

Culhane’s Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-9595.

ALAINA COLDING Singer-songwriter Colding plays at 7 p.m.

CRO-MAGS These masters of NYHC play at 7 p.m. on Nov. 19 at on Nov. 18 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15.

WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 23 355-9791.

223-9850.

RED AFTERNOON BAND The local rockers appear at 7:30 p.m.

LAUREN FINCHAM Singer-songwriter Fincham plays at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Culhane’s Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic on Nov. 19 at Three Layers CafÊ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

Beach. 249-9595.

355-9791.

SONDRE LERCHE, PETER WOLF CRIER, JOHN CARVER BAND MAYDAY PARADE, WE ARE THE IN CROWD, YOU ME AT SIX, Norwegian indie popper Lerche performs at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 at THERE FOR TOMORROW Say hello to emo at 8 p.m. on Nov. be me i m lying circle sunrise Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. Tickets are $15.

19 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $18.

398-7496.

246-2473.

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 26 RIDERS IN THE SKY These innovative Western swing artists play LARRY MANGUM, ARIANA HALL, KEN & LEIGH SKEENS The at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., original music kicks off at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19 at European Street Jacksonville. Tickets are $26. 355-2787.

CafĂŠ, 5500 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 399-1740.

BILLY BUCHANAN is on at 9 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Island Girl Cigar UNDERHILL ROSE Asheville Americana band Underhill Rose Bar, 7860 Gate Parkway, Jacksonville. 854-6060. performs at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Bold City Brewery, 2670 Rosselle DEEPWATER SOUL SOCIETY These indie rockers appear at 9 St., Ste. 7, Jacksonville. 379-6551.

SUNDAY NOVEMBER 27 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Jacksonville.

CARNIVOROUS CARNIVAL, DNR, SANGUINARY The meaty rock 353-4692. starts at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., MIKE BERNOS BAND The blues rockers perform at 10 p.m.

Jacksonville. Tickets are $8. 398-7496. on Nov. 18 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville.

MATT COLLINS Singer-songwriter Collins performs at 9 p.m. on 381-6670.

Nov. 19 at Island Girl Cigar Bar, 7860 Gate Parkway, Jacksonville.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Zach Tremblay is on at 10:30 a.m., 854-6060.

Buddy Sherwood School of Dance at 12:15 p.m. and Underhill TOOTS LORRAINE & THE TRAFFIC The jump blues faves THURSDAY DECEMBER 1 Rose at 1:30 p.m. on Nov. 19 under the Fuller Warren Bridge at appear at 10 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Mojo No. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Riverside Avenue, downtown. 554-6865. riversideartsmarket.com Jacksonville. 381-6670.

KIDS ROCK THE NATION BANDFEST: ANTHONY WILD & FUSEBOX FUNK 10th Anniversary Concert: LADY DAISEY produced by ab checked by sales rep re & THE BLUES AUTHORITY, THE SUSPECTS, J.W. GILMORE promise of Benefit sUpport AskFunk for Action & BATSAUCE Fusebox celebrates a decade of funky good SMOKIN’ MIRRORS, BIG LONESOME & WAYNE JOHNSTON, times at 10 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., PENGUIN TEETH, ELIZABETH ROTH, REUBEN MORGAN & THE Jax Beach. Tickets are $15; $20 for under 21. 247-6636.

FRIDAY DECEMBER 2 MIGHTY GROOVE MACHINE, WILL PEARSALL, ROB PECK, NATURAL LIFE MUSIC FESTIVAL: GRANDPA’S COUGH THE IMPEDIMENTS Local acts are joined by youth musicians MEDICINE, TIM EASTON, LERA LYNN, SHOVELS & ROPE,

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10th Anniversary Party KINGS OF HELL/BIGFOOT FRIDAY DECEMBER 9

The Movement Big Sean SATURDAY DECEMBER 10

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The skrillex Cell THURSDAY DECEMBER 15

Protest the hero SATURDAY DECEMBER 17

Sidereal/ Crazy Carls UPCOMING SHOWS 12-23:

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12-31:

Nate Holley’s New Year’s Eve

1-5:

Galactic/Toubab Krewe

1-23:

August Burns Red/Silverstein

1-28:

Spider Monkey

2-17:

Passafire

2-18:

Attack Attack

3-7:

Of Montreal/Casio Kids

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 21

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MODERN SKIRTS, RIVER WHYLESS Crafts and live music are featured from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Metropolitan Park, 4110 Gator Bowl Blvd., Jacksonville. naturallifemusicfestival.com SONGWRITER’S CONCERT Mike Shackelford coordinates this local concert, held from 6-8 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Adele Grage Theatre, Bull Park, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 610-7461.

GOLIATH FLORES Multi-instrumentalist Flores appears at 1 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Three Layers CafĂŠ, 1602 Walnut St., Jacksonville.

355-9791.

St. Augustine Youth Services Benefit Concert: RED RIVER BAND, MATANZAS, THOSE GUYS, MARK HART, JIM CARRICK, KEITH GODWIN, JUST WADE The live music and auction start at 1 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Tradewinds Lounge, 124 Charlotte St., St. Augustine. Proceeds benefit programs for neglected and abused youth. 829-1770.

ARIANA HALL Songwriter Hall performs 5 p.m. on Nov. 20 at European Street CafĂŠ, 992 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 399-1740.

TANTRIC, MAN MADE MACHINE, EVE TO ADAM, LAWLESS HEARTS, UNDERRIDE, SEVEN YEARS PAST Modern rockers Tantric appear at 7 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

TRAPPED UNDER ICE Baltimore-based thrash heads Trapped Under Ice are on at 7 p.m. on Nov. 22 at Brewster’s Pit, 14003 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10. 223-9850.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

THE GENITORTURERS Nov. 23, Brewster’s Pit MAC MILLER, PAC DIV, CASEY VEGGIES Nov. 23, The Florida Theatre RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS, BURN HALO Nov. 23, Freebird Live COL. BRUCE HAMPTON Nov. 23, Mojo Kitchen UNDERHILL FAMILY ORCHESTRA Nov. 24, Burro Bar AVENGED SEVENFOLD, A7X, HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD, ASKING ALEXANDRIA, BLACK VEIL BRIDES Nov. 25, Veterans Memorial Arena STEVE BRANCH & MARLON DEAN, ANDY GRIGGS Nov. 25, Mavericks SCREAMIN’ EAGLE Nov. 25, Burro Bar SKANKSGIVING 2011: KONAMI CODE, WON’T BE ARSED, WAYLAY Nov. 26, Phoenix Tap Room PEYTON BROTHERS Nov. 26, European Street Southside CHIMAIRA Nov. 27, Freebird Live

GEORGE THOROGOOD & THE DESTROYERS Nov. 28, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall PRINCE RAMA Nov. 28, Burro Bar DAVID BAZAN Nov. 29, CafÊ Eleven THIN LIZZY Nov. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AXE MURDER BOYZ Nov. 30, Brewster’s Pit JOE LOUIS WALKER Dec. 1, Mojo Kitchen ST. JOHNS RIVER CITY BIG BAND Dec. 1, Prime Osborn Convention Center MUSHROOMHEAD Dec. 1, Brewster’s Pit ANTHONY HAMILTON Dec. 2, T-U Center THE WAILERS Dec. 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ALEX BUGNON Dec. 3, Ritz Theatre BOON DOX Dec. 3, Brewster’s Pit THE BIG TICKET: SUBLIME with ROME, A DAY TO REMEMBER, SURFER BLOOD Dec. 4, Metropolitan Park WILL PEARSALL Dec. 4, European Street Jax Beach DANCE GAVIN DANCE Dec. 4, Freebird Live COTTON JONES, QUIET LIFE, WETLANDS Dec. 4, CafÊ Eleven MIDNIGHT CLEAR Dec. 6, European Street San Marco TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Dec. 8, Veterans Memorial Arena PIERCE PETTIS Dec. 8, European Street San Marco LEE BRICE Dec. 9, Mavericks 12 STONES, ALLELE, THE EMBRACED Dec. 9, Brewster’s Pit THE WOOD BROTHERS Dec. 10, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JIMMY THACKERY Dec. 10, Mojo Kitchen ABK Dec. 10, Brewster’s Pit SKILLREX, 12th PLANET, TWO FRESH Dec. 11, Freebird Live HOLIDAY SOUL with RICHARD STREET Dec. 11, T-U Center A PETER WHITE CHRISTMAS with MINDI ABAIR & KIRK WHALUM Dec. 14, The Florida Theatre MACHINA, DOWN THEORY Dec. 16, Brewster’s Pit BURN SEASON Dec. 17, Brewster’s Pit JAVIER COLON Dec. 20, The Florida Theatre STRAIGHT NO CHASER Dec. 21, The Florida Theatre TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND Dec. 28, The Florida Theatre JJ GREY & MOFRO, YANKEE SLICKERS Dec. 29, Mavericks CHERYL WHEELER Jan. 4, CafÊ Eleven WINTER JAM TOUR: SKILLET, NEWSONG, SANCTUS REAL, KARI JOBE Jan. 13, Veterans Memorial Arena GREGG ALLMAN Jan. 13, The Florida Theatre RAT PACK REVUE Jan. 21, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TRAVIS TRITT Jan. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

JIMMY BUFFETT Jan. 31, Veterans Memorial Arena THE CIVIL WARS Feb. 1, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall RICHARD THOMPSON ELECTRIC TRIO Feb. 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MICHAEL FEINSTEIN Feb. 2, The Florida Theatre WILLIE NELSON & FAMILY Feb. 8, The Florida Theatre THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS Feb. 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THE AHN TRIO Feb. 10, The Florida Theatre THE SAW DOCTORS Feb. 22, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall PABLO CRUISE Feb. 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DARK STAR ORCHESTRA Feb. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall WYNTON MARSALIS March 4, The Florida Theatre TONY BENNETT March 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ANOUSHKA SHANKAR March 22, The Florida Theatre SUWANNEE SPRINGFEST: YONDER MOUNTAIN STRING BAND, PETER ROWAN & TONY RICE, JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE March 23-25, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park EDGAR WINTER BAND May 24, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

• CLUBS • AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

BEECH STREET GRILL, 801 Beech St., 277-3662 John Springer on Fri. & Sat., every other Thur. Barry Randolph on Sun. CAFE KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269 Live music in the courtyard at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., at 5 p.m. every Sun. COTTON-EYED JOE’S, 96008 Wades Place, 432-8453 Lauren Elise and Matt Kennon at 1 p.m. on Nov. 19 for the Jessica Lynn West memorial concert DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Live music every weekend GENNARO’S ITALIANO SOUTH, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 491-1999 Live jazz from 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Dan Voll from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Live music every weekend INDIGO ALLEY, 316 Centre St., 261-7222 Dan Voll & the Alley Cats at 8 p.m. every Sat. Frankie’s Jazz Jam at 7:30 p.m. every Tue. Open mic at 7 p.m. every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. O’KANE’S IRISH PUB, 318 Centre St., 261-1000 Dan Voll at 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Turner London Band at 8:30 p.m. every Thur., Fri. & Sat. THE PALACE SALOON & SHEFFIELD’S, 117 Centre St.,

SAN MARCO : Tue. Nov 15

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22 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

491-3332 BSP Unplugged every Tue. & Sun. Wes Cobb every Wed. DJ Heavy Hess, Hupp & Rob every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. DJ Miguel Alvarez in Sheffield’s every Fri. DJ Heavy Hess every Sat. Cason every Mon. PLAE, 80 Amelia Circle, Amelia Island Plantation, 277-2132 Gary Ross from 7-11 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6990 Cason at 2 p.m. at the tiki bar every Sat. & Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Live music Tue.Sun. DJ Roc at 5 p.m. every Wed.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

AJ’S BAR & GRILLE, 10244 Atlantic Blvd., 805-9060 DJ Sheryl every Thur., Fri. & Sat. DJ Mike every Tue. & Wed. Karaoke every Thur.

MEEHAN’S TAVERN, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5, 551-7076 Karaoke every Wed. Live music every Fri. Open mic every Wed. MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. PLUSH, RAIN, LAVA, 845 University Blvd. N., 745-1845 DJ Massive spins top 40 in Rain every Wed., DJs spin Latin every Fri. STARBUCKS, 9301 Atlantic Blvd., 724-4554 Open mic with Starbucks Trio from 8-11 p.m. every other Fri. TONINO’S TRATTORIA, 7001 Merrill Rd., 743-3848 Alaina Colding every Thur. W. Harvey Williams at 6 p.m. every Fri. Signature String Quartet every Sat. VIP LOUNGE, 7707 Arlington Xprway, 619-8198 Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Wed. Reggae every Thur. Live music every Fri. Old school jams every Sat. A DJ spins every Sun.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BRICK RESTAURANT, 3585 St. Johns Ave., 387-0606 Duet every Wed. Goliath Flores and Sam Rodriguez every Thur. Bush Doctors every 1st Fri. & Sat. Live jazz every Fri. & Sat. THE CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. 3rd Bass every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith spins for Karaoke every Tue. DJ Free spins vintage every Fri. DJs SuZi-Rok, LowKill & Mowgli spin for Chillwave Madness every Mon. ELEVATED AVONDALE, 3551 St. Johns Ave., 387-0700 Karaoke with Dave Thrash every Wed. DJ 151 spins hip hop, R&B, old-school every Thur. DJ Catharsis spins lounge beats every 1st & 4th Sat. Patrick Evan & CoAlition every Industry Sun. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 The Mike

Northeast Florida’s essential guide to giving, getting, and feasting on fats.

Includes 101 not-to-be missed seasonal events, plus the top 3 winners of Folio Weekly’s Horrible Holiday Stories contest!

Pull out this 20-page special section and keep it as your comprehensive calendar of local holiday happenings.

- Consider it our gift to you! Holiday Happenings. p. 24 Giving Back: Charitable giving and volunteer opportunities. p. 32 Chewing the Fat: High-calorie foods are a seasonal imperative. p. 37 Folio Weekly’s “Meet John Waters” contest winners. p. 38

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 23

O

nce the shopping is done, the gifts are wrapped and the eggnog is spiked and chilled, it’s time to get out and really enjoy the season. And Northeast Florida has a sleigh-full of holiday events for young, old, and those who simply lie about their age. Here’s a list of what’s going on, from this moment through the New Year.

TUESDAY, NOV. 15

The 27th annual EMPTY BOWLS LUNCHEON is held from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville. Attendees receive a handmade ceramic dish; a silent auction and bowls painted by celebrities are featured. Tickets range from $25-$500. Proceeds benefit Lutheran Social Services of Northeast Florida’s Second Harvest Food Bank. 739-7074. wenourishhope.org

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 16

The 12th annual HOLIDAY ORNAMENT SHOW is on display today through Dec. 24 at First Street Gallery, 216-B First St., Neptune Beach. 241-6928.

THURSDAY, NOV. 17 © 2011 OneJaxFolioWeekly hosts the 93rd annual INTERFAITH

THANKSGIVING GRATITUDE SERVICE featuring traditions from Baha’i, Buddhism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam and Judaism from 6-7 p.m. at Riverside Presbyterian Church, 849 Park St., Jacksonville. 351-1529.

FRIDAY, NOV. 18

St. Augustine’s Castillo de San Marcos offers HISTORIC WEAPON FIRINGS DEMONSTRATIONS every Fri. and Sat. at 10:30 and 11:30 a.m., 1:30, 2:30 and 3:30 p.m. and every Sun. at 11 a.m., 1:30, 2:30 and 3:30 p.m. The castle is located at 1 S. Castillo Drive. Admission is $6. 829-6506.

The ISLAND CHAMBER SINGERS perform A SERENADE FOR SCHUBERT at 8 p.m. at Amelia Plantation Chapel, 36 Bowman Road, Fernandina Beach. The program is also performed at 3 p.m. on Nov. 20. Tickets are $15; $5 for students. 277-7195.

One-of-a-kind items are featured at HOLIDAY SHOPPES from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. today and from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Nov. 19 at The Cultural Center at Ponte Vedra Beach, 50 Executive Way, Ponte Vedra Beach. Admission is $5. 280-0614.

St. Vincent’s Healthcare presents the ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER HOLIDAY SPECTACULAR, featuring live music with headliner Dia Frampton, a kids fun zone, cooking demonstrations, a boat show, tree lighting and fireworks, from noon-9 p.m. at St. Johns Town Center, 4663 River City Drive, Jacksonville. 998-7156.

The Beaches Museum & History Center hosts HOLIDAY IN THE PARK from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. at 380 Pablo Ave., Jax Beach. Arts and crafts, holiday choirs, local authors, games and prizes, performers and a chance to take a picture with Santa on the train are featured. 241-5657.

Mayor Joe Boles hosts the MAYOR’S HOLIDAY LIGHTING GALA, featuring cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, at 5:30 p.m. at the Government House, 48 King St., St. Augustine. Then, with the flip of a switch, St. Augustine’s historic district kicks off its 18th annual NIGHTS OF LIGHTS at 6:30 p.m. at Plaza de la Constitución, St. Augustine. The ceremony is followed by dinner, dancing and a silent auction at The Lightner Museum, 78 King St. Tickets are $150. The thousands of lights shine nightly through Jan. 31.

825-1004.

Support local animal shelters while sampling Christmas cookies and collecting recipes during the self-guided, self-paced HOLIDAY COOKIE TOUR OF INNS from noon-5 p.m. at the Inns of the Amelia Island Bed and Breakfast Association.

Tickets are $25. 277-0500. ameliaislandinns.com/ cookie-tour

SUNDAY, NOV. 20

HOLLY JOLLY HOLIDAY TROLLEY features tours with caroling, hot cider, cookies and complimentary magical viewing glasses from 6-8 p.m. at Visitors Information Center, 10 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. Tours continue through Jan. 31. Tickets are $7; $4 for ages 6-12. 825-1000.

St. Cyprian’s Episcopal Church holds candlelight JAZZ VESPERS at 5:30 p.m. on the third Sun. of each month at 37 Lovett St., St. Augustine. 829-8828.

SATURDAY, NOV. 19

The ST. AUGUSTINE MARATHON WEEKEND gets into gear today with a 10K run at 7 a.m., a Family 5K Run at 7:15 a.m. and the St. Augustine’s Kids Race at 9:30 a.m. On Sunday, Nov. 20 at 6:05 a.m., the Full Marathon and Half Marathon for wheelchair participants start and at 6:15 a.m., the Full Marathon and Half Marathon start. Each run takes place at various locations between St. Augustine, St. Augustine Beach and Crescent Beach. (305) 716-1111. staugustinemarathon.com The Loretto Road Elementary School ARTS AND CRAFTS FAIR is held from 8 a.m.-noon at 3900 Loretto Road, Jacksonville. 268-8863.

24 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

TUESDAY, NOV. 22

The St. Augustine Lighthouse offers a SUNSET AND MOONRISE TOUR from 5-6:30 p.m. at 81 Lighthouse Ave., St. Augustine. The tour includes a champagne toast. Tickets are $25; $20 for members. Reservations are required. 829-0745.

The storefront windows of downtown Jacksonville come alive with festive cheer during the THIRD ANNUAL HOLIDAY WINDOW DISPLAY PROJECT, featuring holiday-themed arrangements created by various schools, artists and businesses, today through Jan. 2. 630-3690.

Casbah CafÈ

3628 St. Johns Ave., Avondale 981-9966 thecasbahcafe.com

Mya Glass Hookah, $80 Hookah Tobacco, $15 Whether you’ve been naughty or nice this year, w we e don’t care! If you buy a hookah and a box of tobacco, acco ac co,, co we’ll stuff your stocking with 96 pieces of Hookahology hol olog ogyy og coals. The flavored tobacco smoked through ugh a water pipe is marinated in spices and molasses to give it that special flavor.

Natural coals are used to burn the tobacco for about 30 minutes.

CLASSIC JEWELERS

8221 Southside Blvd., Ste. 6, Jacksonville 641-8999 classicjewelers.com

18k White Gold Pendant, Special $1,999 1.01-carat oval ruby with round diamonds, micro pavé set in two rows around the ruby. Reg. $2,679

Platinum Ring, Special $8,995 2.32-carat natural emerald, accented with 12 baguette diamonds, .40 carat total weight. Reg. $11,595

18k White Gold Antique-Style Deco Bracelet, Special $8,795

Sweet Pete’s

5.60-carat natural blue sapphires with round diamonds pavé set, 1.95 carats total weight.

Reg. $10,995

1922 N. Pearl St., Springfield 376-7161 sweetpete.net

Classic Jewelers, established in 1974 by the Nichols Family, provides fine jewelry, custom designs and full service repairs for their customers in Northeast Florida. Expert designers coupled with expert jewelers sets this store apart from others. Come see the specialists at Classic Jewelers.

Sweet Pete’s Candy Crazy Gift Baskets are filled with all-natural treats, including Sweet Pete’s famous Sea Salt Caramel, handmade marshmallows, all-natural chocolates and many other decadent treats. All of the goodies are all-natural and gluten-free; many are also vegan. Offering more than 200 natural candies, Sweet Pete’s is the best place to customize a special sweet gift.

Candy Crazy Gift Basket, $15-$100

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 25

Douglas Anderson School of the Arts and LaVilla School of the Arts team up to present a WINTER JAZZ NIGHT CONCERT at 7:30 p.m. at the DASoTA Theater, 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville. 346-5620.

p.m. at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville. The show continues from 10 a.m.-6 p.m. on Nov. 26 and from 11 a.m.-5 p.m. on Nov. 27. Admission is $6. (704) 847-9480. madeinthesouthshows.com

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 23

SANTA’S BIG RED CHRISTMAS TRAIN TOURS treat families to a holiday movie at San Marco Theater, refreshments and visits to Santa’s Village from 6-8 p.m. at Ripley’s Believe It or Not! Museum, 19 San Marco Ave., St. Augustine. Tours also depart from the Sightseeing Train Station, 3 Cordova St. The tours continue through Jan. 1. Tickets are $7; $4 for ages 2-12. 824-1606.

The 17-foot-long, 12-foot-tall USS Amelia GINGERBREAD PIRATE SHIP returns in homage to Amelia Island’s buccaneer history at The RitzCarlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway, Amelia Island. The ship is on display through Dec. 28. The annual Christmas tree lighting is held at 5:30 p.m. and Santa’s Holiday Dinner, featuring Mr. Claus, elves and reindeer, is featured at the hotel at 6:30 p.m. Dinners are $49; $25 for ages 5-12.

277-1100.

The HANDBELL CHOIR performs at 6:30 p.m. at Riverside Presbyterian Church, 849 Park St., Jacksonville. 355-4585. rpcjax.org

THURSDAY, NOV. 24 Advertising proof

FEAST includes a buffet with this is a copyright protectedTHANKSGIVING prooffare, © DAY traditional live music and children’s games

ons, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

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from noon-4 p.m. at The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway. Admission is $99; $45 for ages 5-12. 277-1100.

111511 Historic Pete’s Bar holds its annual THANKSGIVING

PARTY from 9 a.m.-2 p.m. at 117 First St., Produced by AB Checked by DAYSales Rep rl

©

Neptune Beach. Pete’s granddaughter, Nancy Jensen, says folks are flying in from all over for the nearly-40-year-old homecoming, which this year includes Sun Dog Steak & Seafood, Caribbee Key and Shorelines Gift Shop. A huge crowd (some in costume) is expected — it’s requested that you 2011 leave your pets and bicycles at home to make room. 249-9158.

The Omni’s Spa & Shops host a HOLIDAY CELEBRATION with carousel rides, train rides, live entertainment, cookies, cider and horse and carriage rides, festive stilt-walkers, pictures with Santa Claus, and the lighting of a 35-foot Christmas tree from 5-8 p.m. at Omni Amelia Island Plantation Resort, 6800 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island. 491-4646.

CANDLELIGHT TOURS OF VILLA ZORAYDA feature holiday decorations, a courtyard Christmas tree, nativity scene and guided candlelit tours through the historic villa at 6:30 p.m. at Villa Zorayda, 83 King St., St. Augustine. Tours continue on Nov. 26 and Dec. 2, 3, 9, 10, 17, 23, 27 and 30. Tickets are $16; $8 for ages 7-12. 829-9887.

The Jacksonville Landing presents its 25th annual CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY at 7 p.m. in the Courtyard at 2 Independent Drive, Jacksonville. There are synchronized Christmas tree light shows from 6 p.m.-12:15 a.m. through Dec. 31. 353-1188.

FolioWeekly

Gourmands can enjoy THANKSGIVING IN SALT from 4-9 p.m. at Salt, The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway. Admission $95; $140 paired with wines; $55 for ages 5-12. 277-1100.

FRIDAY, NOV. 25

Shoppers dress down in pajamas, bunny slippers and other sleepwear, for discounts and refreshments during the annual Black Friday PAJAMA PARTY SALE & CONTEST, held from 8 a.m.-noon in downtown Fernandina Beach.

206-0756. ameliaisland.com The 23rd annual CHRISTMAS MADE IN THE SOUTH offers original work by hundreds of artists and craftsmen in a variety of mediums from 9 a.m.-6

SATURDAY, NOV. 26

The official FERNANDINA BEACH CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY kicks off the holiday season with a photo-friendly Santa Claus from noon-6 p.m. at the corner of Front Street and Center Street, Fernandina Beach. ameliaisland.com Decorated boats light up the St. Johns River for Jacksonville’s annual HOLIDAY LIGHT PARADE at 7 p.m. along the downtown riverfront. The festival features a fireworks finale choreographed to holiday music. 353-1188.

A WINTER WONDERLAND featuring snow, a real ice skating rink, an ice slide, an elf village, train rides, sleigh rides and visits from Santa from 5-10 p.m. at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340C A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. Hours through Dec. 16 are 5-10 p.m. every Mon.-Fri., and 2-10 p.m. on Sat. and

Sweet relief: The annual self-guided Holiday Cookie Tour of Inns, held Saturday, Nov. 19 from noon-5 p.m. at the Inns of the Amelia Island Bed and Breakfast Association, benefits local animal shelters.

26 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

Ho ho ho! The one-man show, “A John Waters Christmas,” is staged Wednesday, Nov. 30 at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Daisy Honeybunn

Sun.; from Dec. 17-Jan. 1, the Wonderland is open daily from 2-10 p.m. 461-0825.

Mosh off those calories during the celebration of SKANKSGIVING, with bands like KONAMI CODE, SQUIRT GUN WARRIORS, CORPORATE FANDANGO and seven more, starting at 1 p.m. at Phoenix Taproom, 325 W. Forsyth St., Jacksonville.

Admission is $10. 798-8222.

The 46TH ANNUAL FALL ARTS & CRAFTS FESTIVAL takes place today and Nov. 27 from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. at Francis Field, 29 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. Arts and crafts vendors, plein air artist demonstrations, live music and a kids’ zone are featured. Admission is $1. 824-2310.

Galleries, antique stores and unique shops on St. Augustine’s San Marco Avenue between Ripley’s Museum and the Mission of Nombre de Dios remain open from 5-9 p.m. for UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT with book signings, live music, refreshments and other creatively inclined activities. The Mission of Nombre de Dios provides free parking. 823-9263.

MONDAY, NOV. 28

The SAN MARCO CHAMBER MUSIC SOCIETY is featured at 7 p.m. at St. Mark’s Evangelical Lutheran Church, 3976 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. 731-1310.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 30

A CHRISTMAS CAROLE is presented at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

The show runs through Dec. 24, with performances at 6 p.m. Tue.-Sun., at 11 a.m. on Sat. and at noon on Sun. Tickets are $42 for matinees, $45 Sun.-Thur. evenings, and $49 on Fri. and Sat.; $35 for ages 12 and younger and $40 for military. 641-1212.

Ho ho ho! The one-man show A JOHN WATERS CHRISTMAS is staged at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. The King of Sleaze himself waxes poetic on holiday cynicism. Tickets are $30 and $35. 355-2787.

THURSDAY, DEC. 1

Amelia Community Theatre presents its stage adaptation of the popular holiday film A CHRISTMAS STORY at 8 p.m. today and on Dec. 2 and 3 at 207 Cedar Street, Fernandina Beach. The show is also staged at 8 p.m. on Dec. 8-10 and 15-17 and at 2 p.m. on Dec. 11. Tickets are $20; $10 for students. 261-6749.

The Broach School presents its inaugural BLACK TIE & BLUE JEANS HOLIDAY FUNDRAISER from 6-9 p.m. at the Casa Marina Hotel & Restaurant, 691 First St. N., Jax Beach. Food, live music and a silent auction are featured. Tickets are $50. 637-0300, 270-0025.

Elizabeth Pointe Lodge offers a VICTORIAN HOLIDAY BRUNCH from noon-1:30 p.m. at 98 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach. The brunch includes a reading by Ron Kurtz from Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.” Admission is $35; $30 for members. nassaureads.com The JU Orchestra, University Singers and Men’s and Women’s Choruses present HANDEL’S MESSIAH at 7:30 p.m. at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

Amelia Community Theatre presents the contemporary holiday comedy A CHRISTMAS STORY at 8 p.m. at 207 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach. The show runs through Dec. 17, with performances at 8 p.m. Thur.-Sat. and at 2 p.m. on Dec. 11. Tickets are $20; $10 for students. 261-6749.

FRIDAY, DEC. 2

More than 20 St. Augustine art galleries participate during FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK, a self-guided tour held from 5-9 p.m. in downtown St. Augustine.

829-0065.

The St. Johns County Convention Center and Renaissance World Golf Village Resort present the FESTIVAL OF TREES from 9 a.m.-9 p.m. through Dec. 10 and from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. on Dec. 11 at 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine. The display features donated trees and wreaths decorated by local businesses, organizations and individuals. A silent auction benefits the St. Augustine Record’s Empty Stocking Fund and the United Way of St. Johns County. 940-4015.

ST. AUGUSTINE BEACH SURF ILLUMINATION features a tree lighting ceremony, carolers, arts and crafts vendors, refreshments and Santa at St. Johns County Fishing Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 347-8007.

The annual HOLLY BALL starts with cocktails at 7 p.m., followed by dinner, a live and silent auction and music by Cloud 9 at 8 p.m. at The Ponte Vedra Inn & Club, 200 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Ponte Vedra Beach. Tickets are $125. Proceeds benefit the mission programs of the Ponte Vedra Woman’s Club. pontevedrawomansclub.com CHRISTMAS IN AVONDALE is held from 6-9 p.m. at the corner of Dancy Street and St. Johns Avenue.

This pet-friendly event features live music, food, prizes and giveaways and a kids’ crafts area.

240-4869.

The FRIDAY MUSICALE CHORUS performs HOLIDAY FAVORITES at 11 a.m. at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Jacksonville. 355-7584.

The First Coast Wind Ensemble and Don Thompson Chorale present the holiday-themed SOUNDS OF THE SEASON concert at 7:30 p.m. at Jacksonville

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 27

Dance Tonight

2177-21 Kingsley Ave., Orange Park 276-1515 dancetonightorangepark.com

Dance Gift Certificates, $59

Doing Dishes

5619 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 730-3729 3568 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville, 388-7088 doingdishes.com

Holiday handprint dishes, starting at $25

Give the joy of dancing to your special one or to yourself! Gift certificates are available for an introductory membership that includes three private lessons, one group class and one practice party. We’ll get you started for the best experience this holiday season — and the rest of your life! Get ready for Christmas parties, weddings, social dances and much more, all this for only $59 per person. Become an expert on Latin or Ballroom dances like the rumba, salsa, cha-cha, waltz, foxtrot and more. No partner necessary!

Holiday handprints are gifts that will create happy memories of the holiday season for years to come for everyone. Not typical holiday items, these are personal dishes created and customized from the heart and delivered with love. For a truly unique experience, join us for our Paint With Santa events held on Dec. 19 and 20. Check our website for locations and times!

Black Creek Outfitters 10051 Skinner Lake Drive, Jacksonville 645-7003 blackcreekoutfitters.com

Patagonia Nano Puff Jacket, $179

can

28 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

His-and-hers windproof, waterresistant, warm, lightweight, incredibly compressible and be worn as insulation or outerwear in cold climates.

Atlantic Pro Divers 314 14th Ave. N., Jax Beach 270-1747 divejax.com

Want to see the ocean, the way it was meant to be seen? Give that special someone a chance to do just that! Learn to dive in just one weekend for $99 and get certified for $149 with this special holiday deal. Voted Best Dive Shop by Folio Weekly readers, Atlantic Pro Divers is the oldest dive shop in Jacksonville. It’s a great gift that keeps giving! Also offering 10% off all merchandise through the month of November!

Pro Swimwear and gift certificates available.

University’s Terry Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. 256-7677.

The 20th annual TASTE OF AMELIA ISLAND is held from 6:30-9 p.m. at Omni Amelia Island Plantation Resort, 6800 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island.

The event — themed “Ring in the Holiday Season!” — features food and wine from 20 area restaurants, live music and a silent auction.

Admission is $40. 491-4646.

Five of Amelia Island’s private residences are decorated and open to the public for the Museum of History’s fourth annual HOLIDAY HOME TOUR from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Tickets are available at Amelia Island Museum of History, 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach. The tour continues on Dec. 3. Advance tickets are $25; $30 on the day of the event. 261-7378.

SATURDAY, DEC. 3

PARADE features floats, marching bands, cars, horses, and the arrival of Santa starting at 10 a.m. at the Mission of Nombre de Dios, 27 Ocean Ave. and concludes at the Visitors Center, 10 W. Castillo Drive. 824-4997.

COLONIAL MARKET DAYS start at 9 a.m. at Francis Field, 29 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine, featuring re-enactors portraying 18th-century performers, magicians, puppet shows and soldiers, culminating in THE GRANDE ILLUMINATION PARADE starting at 7:45 p.m. at the Government House, 48 King St. For a complete schedule, visit britishnightwatch.org

SUNDAY, DEC. 4

The JACKSONVILLE UNIVERSITY CHORUS & ORCHESTRA present HANDEL’S MESSIAH at 6 p.m. at Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville. 387-5691.

Pet owners outfit their furry friends in festive attire for Nassau Humane Society and Redbones Dog Bakery’s 12th annual PARADE FOR PAWS at 11 a.m. at Central Park, Atlantic Ave., Fernandina Beach. Registration is $10. 321-1647.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents THE GIFT OF THE MAGI at 3 p.m. at the TimesUnion Center for the Performing Arts’ Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville.

Tickets range from $6-$16. 354-5547.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents HANDEL’S MESSIAH at 8 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $16-$70. 354-5547.

The 43rd annual GARDEN CLUB CHRISTMAS TOUR OF HOMES is a self-guidedw tour that takes place from noon-5 p.m. at six homes in historic downtown St. Augustine and includes an afternoon tea.

Advance tickets are $20; $25 on the day of the tour.

Reservations are strongly suggested. 826-0024.

Dr. Cara Tasher directs the combined choruses of Northeast Florida high schools in a FEAST OF CAROLS concert at 2 p.m. at SeaWalk Pavilion, oceanfront in Jax Beach. 620-2878.

The Historic Train Depot features PHOTOS WITH SANTA from noon-3 p.m. at 106 Centre St., Fernandina Beach. 206-0756.

The lighted boat parade CHRISTMAS ON THE CREEK begins at 6:30 p.m. on the west side of the Julington Creek Bridge at the marina, 12807 San Jose Blvd., and features an estimated 40 boats decorated in holiday regalia.

The 57th annual ST. AUGUSTINE CHRISTMAS

MONDAY, DEC. 5

Douglas Anderson School of the Arts offers an evening of Renaissance-themed performance, song and dining at its MADRIGAL DINNER at 6 p.m. today and again on Dec. 6 at St. John’s Episcopal Cathedral, 256 E. Church St., Jacksonville.

356-5507, 346-5620 ext. 138.

TUESDAY, DEC. 6

A HOLIDAY EVENING WITH GARRISON KEILLOR is presented at 7:30 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $36-$74. 630-3900.

The Heritage Singers Of Jacksonville perform the WRAPPED IN HOLIDAY SOUNDS concert at 6:30 p.m. at First Christian Church of Mandarin, 11924 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. 434-4625.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 7

Holiday music, lights, cider and Santa are on hand for LUMINARY NIGHT from 6-9 p.m. at St. Augustine Lighthouse & Museum, 81 Lighthouse Ave., St. Augustine. 829-0745.

FRIDAY, DEC. 9

The 20th annual COMMUNITY NUTCRACKER is staged at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. The show is also staged at 2 and 8 p.m. on Dec. 10. Tickets range from $23-$33.50. 355-2787.

Arrggh, ginger! The 17-foot-long, 12-foot-tall USS Amelia Gingerbread Pirate Ship sails into port at The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway, on Wednesday, Nov. 23 and remains on display through Dec. 28.

BOSTON BRASS presents HOLIDAY SOUNDS at 8 p.m. at Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25; $10 for students. 389-6222.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents HOLIDAY POPS at 8 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. The concert repeats at 8 p.m. on Dec. 10 and 3 p.m. on Dec. 11. Tickets range from $16-$70. 354-5547.

A CHORAL CONCERT is offered at 7:30 p.m. at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. 646-2222.

The ST. AUGUSTINE COMMUNITY ORCHESTRA performs at 8 p.m. at The Lightner Museum, 75 King St., St. Augustine. An encore performance is held at 3 p.m. on Dec. 11 at Ponte Vedra United Methodist Church, 76 S. Roscoe Blvd., Palm Valley.

Tickets are $10 at the door; children 12 and younger are admitted free. staugustineorchestra.org

SATURDAY, DEC. 10

The Jacksonville Roller Girls hold the fifth annual NAUGHTY VS. NICE charity Roller Derby at 7 p.m. at Jax Ice & SportsPlex, 3605 Philips Highway, Jacksonville. Admission is free with a new, packaged toy donation valued at $10 or more; or $12 at the door. 357-0102.

St. Augustine hosts the HOLIDAY REGATTA OF LIGHTS at 6 p.m., featuring a parade of festively decorated sailboats, trawlers, shrimp boats and other vessels, on Matanzas Bay between the Bridge of Lions and Castillo de San Marcos. 824-9725.

THE FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS 5K AND 1 MILE FAMILY FUN RUN start at 5:30 p.m. (1 mile) and 6 p.m.

(5K) at San Marco Square, San Marco Blvd., Jacksonville during SAN MARCO’S HOLIDAY MAGIC. Along with the races, there are carolers, horsedrawn sleigh rides, stilt walkers and Santa Claus.

Advance entry fees are $25 and $30; $35 day of race. 1 Mile entry fee is $12. Proceeds benefit Children’s Miracle Network. 1stplacesports.com The St. Augustine Community Choir performs a concert of ENGLISH CAROLS and selections from HANDEL’S MESSIAH and other seasonal music at 8 p.m. at Cathedral Basilica, 38 Cathedral Place, St. Augustine. The choir also performs the program at 2 p.m. on Dec. 11. 824-0761.

The 18TH ANNUAL HOLIDAY TOUR OF BED AND BREAKFAST INNS is themed “Ghosts of Christmas Past” as innkeepers tell the sentimental and supernatural stories of 25 unique inns throughout St. Augustine. Visit 12 inns today from 1-5 p.m. and 13 inns from 1-5 p.m. on Dec. 11. The tour includes refreshments. Tickets are $25. staugustineinns.com

SUNDAY, DEC. 11

HOLIDAY SOUL featuring RICHARD STREET is staged at 6 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $45-$90.

630-3900.

A concert by THE HERITAGE SINGERS OF JACKSONVILLE is featured at 3 p.m. at South Jacksonville Presbyterian Church, 2137 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville. 434-4625.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 14

Claudia Bates presents the Elegant Holiday Design workshop, FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS, creating seasonal floral displays at 10 a.m. at the Garden Club of Jacksonville, 1005 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville.

The fee is $20. Registration is required. 355-4224.

A PETER WHITE CHRISTMAS with MINDI ABAIR and KIRK WHALUM is featured at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $31 and $40. 355-2787.

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 29

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With the flip of a switch, St. Augustine’s historic district kicks off its 18th annual Nights of Lights at 6:30 p.m. on Saturday, Nov. 19 in Plaza de la Constitución, downtown St. Augustine.

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The EMMA Concert Series presents the ons, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 101111 Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra in HOLIDAY PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 POPS at 8 p.m. at Flagler College’s Auditorium,

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GranadaRep St., St. Produced by ab Checked by 14Sales dlAugustine. The concert is also featured at 8 p.m. on Dec. 15. Tickets are $30.

797-2800.

FRIDAY, DEC. 16

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents FIRST COAST NUTCRACKER at 8 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. The concert repeats at 2 and 8 p.m. on Dec. 17, at 2 p.m. on Dec. 18. Tickets range from $13-$50. 354-5547.

A CLAY COUNTY CHRISTMAS is featured at 7:30 p.m. at Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, St. Johns River State College, 283 College Drive, Orange Park. Performances by The Clay County Community Band, the Orange Park United Methodist Church Inspirations directed by Diane Combs, and selected scenes and songs from Charles Dickens “A Christmas Carol” are featured.

Tickets range from $8-$18. 276-6750.

Douglas Anderson School of the Arts presents its WINTER FILM SHOWCASE at 7:30 p.m. at the school’s theater, 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville. 346-5620.

The FLORIDA BALLET NUTCRACKER is featured at

7:30 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth © 2011 FolioWeekly

St., Jacksonville. The show is also staged at 2:30 and 7:30 p.m. on Dec. 17 and at 3 p.m. on Dec. 18.

Tickets are $22 and $28; $18.50 if purchased by Nov. 24. 355-2787.

The ST. AUGUSTINE BALLET performs THE NUTCRACKER at 7 p.m. today and Dec. 17 and at 2 p.m. on Dec. 18 at Flagler College Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine. Tickets range from $20-$30. 810-5670.

SATURDAY, DEC. 17

The WHITEY’S FISH CAMP BOAT PARADE kicks off at 6 p.m. at 2032 C.R. 220, Orange Park. 269-4198.

SUNDAY, DEC. 18

THE HERITAGE SINGERS OF JACKSONVILLE perform at 3 p.m. at Episcopal Church of Our Savior, 12236 Mandarin Road, Jacksonville.

434-4625.

30 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

MONDAY, DEC. 19

The JACKSONVILLE SUNS HOLIDAY BASEBALL CAMP, open to kids ages 7-12, is held from 9 a.m.1 p.m. today and Dec. 20 at the Baseball Grounds, 301 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Kids learn basics from the pros; included are lunch on both days, a collectable camp ball cap and tickets to a Suns game. Camp fee is $85. 358-2845.

TUESDAY, DEC. 20

The Jewish Community Alliance features a CHANUKAH PARTY at 5:45 p.m. at 8505 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. 730-2100.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents MICHAEL W. SMITH – IT’S A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS at 8 p.m. in Moran Theater at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $27$75. 354-5547.

Chabad at the Beaches presents a family-oriented CHANUKAH JUDAICA at 4:30 p.m. at Hampton Inn, 1220 Marsh Landing Parkway, Jax Beach.

543-9301.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 21

The men’s a cappella group STRAIGHT NO CHASER performs at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $32 and $40.

355-2787.

SUNDAY, DEC. 25

The Maitreya Kadampa Buddhist Center hosts the discussion EIGHT STEPS TO HAPPINESS, based on Geshe Langri Tangpa’s “Eight Verses of Training the Mind,” from 10-11:30 a.m. at 85 Sailfish Drive, Atlantic Beach. Admission is $9; $5 for students.

222-8531.

TUESDAY, DEC. 27

The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens presents a concert by TAMMERLIN, performing a collection of traditional carols and winter songs, at 7 p.m. at 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville. 355-0630.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 28

The TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND and THE LEE BOYS perform at 8 p.m. at The Florida Theatre, 128 E.

Forsyth St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $42$78.50. 355-2787.

The OLD TOWN ART & CRAFT SHOW is held from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. today and Dec. 29 at Francis Field, 14 W. Castillo Drive, St. Augustine. The juried show features local and international artists and craftsmen. holidayartshows.com/old-town-art-craft-show.html

THURSDAY, DEC. 29

Swamp jam band kings JJ GREY & MOFRO perform with YANKEE SLICKERS at 6 p.m. at Mavericks, 2 Independent Drive, The Jacksonville Landing.

Advance tickets are $20; $30 for advance upstairs tickets. 356-1110.

SATURDAY, DEC. 31

Freebird Live features NATE HOLLEY’S NEW YEAR’S EVE at 8 p.m. at 200 N. First St., Jax Beach. 246-2473.

Welcome in 2012 at the NEW YEAR’S EVE BLACK & WHITE MASQUERADE BALL featuring food, an open bar, music, dancing and fireworks at 9 p.m. at The Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway. Admission is $185. Black and white attire encouraged. Masks are provided. 277-1100.

The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents TOAST! TO THE NEW YEAR! at 8:30 p.m. in Jacoby Symphony Hall at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville.

The event features classical and pop hits as well as dancing, a private fireworks display and champagne toast. Tickets range from $46-$121.

354-5547.

© 2011

FolioWeekly

The COMEDY ZONE NEW YEAR’S EVE DINNER & SHOW kicks off at 8 p.m. at 3130 Hartley Road, Jacksonville. Tickets are $65. Tickets for the BLAST OFF PARTY at 9 p.m., featuring comedy, a DJ and a champagne toast, are $35. Tickets for the Mandarin Dinner & Show, at 6:30 p.m., are $65. 292-4242.

The JOHNSTON DUO performs at 9 p.m. at the New Year’s Eve celebration at Culhane’s Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-9595.

BEACH BLAST OFF 2012 features ice sculptures, fireworks, live music and a chili cook-off at 4 p.m. at the St. Johns County Fishing Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. beachblastoff.com Museum of Contemporary Art hosts the 333NYE: MASQUÉ NOIR at 10 p.m. at 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. Live music, hors d’oeuvres, cocktails and a champagne toast at midnight are featured.

Tickets are $80; $65 for members. 366-6911.

Nightly snowfalls, sleigh rides, an ice slide and visits from Santa are all on the agenda at A Winter Wonderland at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre, which runs from Nov. 26 through Jan. 1.

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 31

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With all the money spent around the holidays, it’s important to remember the most worthwhile expenditure of all: paying it forward.

Advertising proof Here’s a list of charitable events, volunteer opportunities this is a copyright protected proofand © services for those in need this holiday season.

ns, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 101811 EMPTY BOWLS LUNCHEON PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 The 27th annual Empty Bowls Luncheon is

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held from noon-1 p.m. on Nov. 15 at Prime

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Jacksonville. Local celebs serve a simple meal, symbolic of the meals served in the soup kitchens. A silent auction, pottery demonstrations and performances from local musicians and schoolkids are featured. Tickets are $25.

Proceeds benefit Lutheran Social Services of Northeast Florida’s Second Harvest Food Bank.

448-5995. lssjax.org, wenourishhope.org

GINGERBREAD HOUSES The ninth annual Gingerbread House Extravaganza displays holiday houses from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. daily Nov. 30-Dec. 22 at Jacksonville Historical Society, located at the Old St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, 317 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. The more than 30 gingerbread houses are created by local chefs, architects and civic organizations. Proceeds benefit the Society.

Admission is $5 for adults, $3 for kids ages 3-16 and free for kids younger than 2. The Victorian Merrill Museum House is open from 1:30-3:30 p.m. for tours. 665-0064. jaxhistory.com

©

HOPE FOR THE HOLIDAYS Bereavement specialists lead discussions and group exercises on coping with grief from 11 a.m.-12:30 p.m. on Dec. 3 at Acosta-Rua Center for Caring, 5450 Ramona Blvd., Jacksonville; at McGraw Center for Caring, 4715 Worrall Way, Mayo 2011 Clinic campus, Jacksonville and Flagler Hospital’s Cancer Education and Support Center, 400 Health Park Blvd., St. Augustine. The group also meets from 6:30-8 p.m. on Dec. 5 at Neviaser Educational Institute of Community Hospice, 4266 Sunbeam Road, Bldg. 100, Jacksonville. 268-5200.

FolioWeekly

TREE OF LIFE CELEBRATION The 31st annual Tree of Life Celebration is held from 5:30-7 p.m. on Dec. 8 at Community Hospice’s Hadlow Center, 4266 Sunbeam Road, Jacksonville. Each of the more than 60,000 lights on the tree represents the life of a person cared for in Community Hospice’s 30 years of service. A candlelight Service of Remembrance is featured.

Proceeds benefit Community Hospice Foundation.

886-3883.

TOYS FOR TOTS ROLLER DERBY The New Jax City Rollers Team Naughty skates against Team Nice at 7 p.m. on Dec. 10 at Jax Ice Sports Complex, 3605 Philips Highway, 32 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

Jacksonville. Admission is $10 and a new, unwrapped toy. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. 357-0102.

CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS PARTY This children’s event needs folks to hand out new toys, donated by sponsor companies and regular folks, to almost 8,000 kids 12 years old and younger at the 13th annual gathering held from 9 a.m.-12:30 p.m. on Dec. 10 at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville. 350-1616. ccpoj.org J.P. HALL CHARITIES CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS PARTY The 30th annual children’s event is held from 8 a.m.noon on Dec. 17 at Clay County Fairgrounds, 2497 S.R. 16 W., Green Cove Springs. Open to any Clay County kids up to 14 years old, the party features new toys, food and entertainment. 284-7398.

BEAM MINISTRIES 850 Sixth Ave. S., Ste. 400, Jax Beach, 241-7437 jaxbeam.org Beaches Emergency Assistance Ministry holds a Thanksgiving basket giveaway to registered clients on Nov. 18, 21 and 22 and needs packages of food and grocery store gift cards for a turkey, ham or other main course for the traditional meal, as well as volunteers to put it all together. BEAM is open 9 a.m.-4 p.m. on Mon.Thur., 9 a.m.-1 p.m. on Fri., or call 994-1217 to schedule a drop-off.

BETTY GRIFFIN HOUSE Crisis Hotline 824-1555 info@bettygriffinhouse.org Betty Griffin House provides safe emergency shelter to abused women and their minor children, and victims of rape, as well as counseling, support groups, legal assistance, community education and advocacy programs. To see the group’s current wish list go to http://bit.ly/uLxEaY THE BRIDGE OF NORTHEAST FLORIDA 1824 N. Pearl St., Jacksonville, 354-7799 The Bridge is in need of food for Thanksgiving and gifts for Christmas. The Thanksgiving drive for food and turkey gift certificates runs now through Nov. 21; the Christmas drive to sponsor a family runs now through Dec. 19. For more information, call 354-7799 ext. 137.

BRIGHT HOLIDAYS OF JACKSONVILLE INC. 24532 Deer Trace Drive, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-2163 Bright Holidays needs volunteers in early

promise of benefit

December to shop, wrap and deliver gifts of clothing, food, school supplies and other essentials.

Pssst, high school students: It’s an easy way to earn service hours. brightholidays.org CHILDREN’S HOME SOCIETY OF FLORIDA P.O. Box 5616, Jacksonville FL 32247, 493-7738 Provides foster care, adoption, parenting education and child-abuse prevention services to children and families in Baker, Clay, Duval, Nassau and St. Johns counties. The Home Society needs monetary donations to provide a family with a Thanksgiving basket, as well as gift certificates, new toys and volunteers to wrap donated gifts for Christmas. For the Wish List of a child in need, go to chsfl.org EPISCOPAL CHILDREN’S SERVICES 8443 Baymeadows Road, Ste. 1, Jacksonville, 726-1500 The ECS’ Holiday Outreach Program helps children and families in Northeast Florida providing early childhood education and social services. The ECS needs monetary donations and Winn-Dixie gift certificates for holiday meals.

HOME INSTEAD SENIOR CARE 165 Wells Road, Ste. 301, Orange Park, 215-8520 The “Be a Santa to a Senior” program collects, wraps and delivers gifts to needy area seniors.

Giving Trees for donating are available through mid-December at various locations throughout Northeast Florida. beasantatoasenior.com HOPE WORLDWIDE The Jacksonville chapter of HOPE needs volunteers to help unload toys from noon-2 p.m. on Dec. 10 at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville. 292-2535. hopeww.org/jacksonville THE INN MINISTRY The Inn Ministry’s annual Christmas Party for pregnant women and mothers with young children features gift-sharing and a visit from Santa from 1-4 p.m. on Dec. 18 at the German American Club, 4165 Lakeside Drive, Jacksonville. Volunteers help with food, managing games for young children and distributing toys. Donations of toys, gifts and clothes are needed. 388-7730.

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS FOOD DRIVE This food-distribution program needs help offloading trucks full of groceries and distributing the donated, non-perishable foodstuffs to more than 3,000 families on Jacksonville’s Eastside.

633-2258 or 633-6590.

JEWISH FAMILY & COMMUNITY SERVICES 6261 Dupont Station Court E., Jacksonville, 448-1933 The food pantry needs canned food donations and volunteers to help sort and stock the items. Its Jewish Healing Network program needs volunteers to visit others who are ill.

MISTER ROGERS SWEATER DRIVE Drop off new or clean, used sweaters, coats and blankets through Nov. 30 at WJCT Public Broadcasting Studios, 100 Festival Park Ave., Jacksonville, at all First Coast VyStar Credit Union locations, at Two Men and a Truck, 8849 Arlington Expressway, and all Community Hospice locations.

Donations are distributed to St. Vincent’s Mobile Outreach Ministry (which serves migrant workers), Clara White Mission, and other First Coast nonprofits serving the needy. 358-6314. wjct.org NORTH JAX WOMEN’S RESOURCE CENTER 12456 Sago Ave. W., Jacksonville, 696-9100 The Center provides help to pregnant women, including teenagers and single mothers who need food and clothing for their babies. Baby clothing, maternity clothes, gift cards and donations for a new facility are needed. To see a list of specific needs, go to http://bit.ly/taGBoN

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P.A.C.E. CENTER FOR GIRLS 1 W. Adams St., Jacksonville, 421-8585 The P.A.C.E. Center needs volunteers to tutor girls and young women (ages 12-18) in math, English and reading, and to help provide program enrichment activities, Mon.-Fri. between 8:30 a.m. and 6 p.m. Donations of gift cards for food and clothing are also needed. To make a donation or for more information, visit pacecenter.org.

OPERATION CHRISTMAS CHILD Volunteers collect shoebox gifts packed by local individuals, and send them to needy children around the world, at collection sites throughout Northeast Florida. samaritanspurse.org/OCC SECOND HARVEST FOOD BANK Part of Lutheran Social Services, Second Harvest needs volunteers to stock, pull orders and help with general upkeep. Monetary gifts are welcome.

1502 Jessie St., Jacksonville. 448-5995 or 353-3663.

TOYS FOR TOTS Marine Toys For Tots Foundation needs new, unwrapped toys, but they also need folks to gather, sort and distribute them to deserving kids.

714-7472. jax.t4t@gmail.com USO GREATER JACKSONVILLE AREA 2560 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 246-3481 NAS JAX, Yorktown Gate, Bldg. 1050, 778-2821 Welcome Center, JAX International Airport, 741-6655 The USO, serving active duty members of the military and their families in Northeast Florida, needs monetary donations for food baskets, supplies and children’s toys. jaxuso.org WASTE NOT WANT NOT P.O. Box 119, Orange Park, 215-3150 This volunteer-based group collects and provides food to organizations serving the homeless and hungry, low-income families and seniors, people with disabilities and at-risk youths.

Monetary donations and volunteers are needed. wastenotflorida.com

SOUP KITCHENS & RESCUE MISSIONS CITY RESCUE MISSION Jacksonville’s City Rescue Mission needs volunteers to help with mailouts, holiday meal serving, data entry, phone calls and gift wrapping.

Thanksgiving dinner is held from noon-3 p.m. on Nov. 23 and Christmas dinner is from noon-3 p.m. on Dec. 23, at New Life Inn, 234 W. State St., downtown. The mission, located at 426 S. McDuff Ave., Jacksonville, holds an open house from noon-1:30 p.m. on Nov. 17, featuring tours and light snacks. On Nov. 19, the Mission will have a booth at Riverside Arts Market to collect socks, canned goods and white twin sheet sets. On Dec. 3, students from Paul Mitchell school give holiday haircuts at the McDuff campus. On Dec. 10 from 9 a.m.-noon, Santa’s on hand for photos at the Thrift Store, 5342 Normandy Blvd. And they’re giving away full and king-size mattress and box-spring sets; first come, first served. On Nov. 23 and Dec. 23, donate your old coats to City Rescue Mission at area Burlington stores. 387-4357.

CLARA WHITE MISSION Community volunteers serve Thanksgiving dinner to homeless and disadvantaged families at the Mission, 613 W. Ashley St., Jacksonville.

The 107-year-old Jacksonville mission needs donations of food and/or money to help the program offer its two-meals-a-day service. Feed the City is held from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. on Nov. 19, Celebrate the Mission dinner is held from november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 33

Sal

Anthony & Sandra

10092 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 6, Jacksonville 398-9777 anthonysandraspa.net

Hot Stone Massage, 60 minutes, $120; 75 minutes, $140 Experience a luxurious and relaxing massage, combined with deep heat therapy. Smooth, polished lava stones are heated and incorporated into a massage. It’s the ideal treatment to loosen tight muscles, relieve stress and ease tension.

A perfect gift for anyone! If you’re not sure a massage is the right gift, an Anthony & Sandra gift certificate is sure to please any holiday soul.

“Bouncing Off Guardrails”

By local author, rider and bike builder Axe $.99 for Kindle, $2.99 Nook, $14.78 @ Amazon.com, $18.95 in local bookstores. Signed copies are $14.95 (+S&H) at ychrome.com

Island Girl Cigar Bar

7860 Gate Parkway (at 9A), Southside, 854-6060 108 First St. (at Atlantic), Neptune Beach, 372-0943 islandgirljax.com

Montecristo Classic Cigars, $8-$12 each Island Girl Cigar Bar has everything you need for the cigar lover on your list: The largest selection of cigars, humidors, lighters and cutters and a knowledgeable staff to help with your selections. The featured Montecristo Classic medium-bodied cigars are simply the best — flawless construction produces smoke aplenty with each draw, and a supercharged version of creamy, familiar Montecristo mellowness melts into notes of cocoa and spice. More than just a fine cigar, it is the finest Montecristo.

Voted Best Of Jax 2011 by Folio Weekly readers, gift certificates are also available!

SURGEON GENERAL WARNING: Cigars are not a safe alternative to cigarettes.

Jacksonville chopper-builder Axe was no saint and burned his candle at both ends with a flame-thrower in the center. Then heart surgery slammed on his brakes. These true memoirs colorfully illustrate his drastic transition from self-destruction to appreciating every experience at full throttle. Axe’s twowheeled adventure through Florida is an intense shot of adrenaline with a whiskey chaser.

Burro Bags

228 E. Forsyth St., Jacksonville 677-2977 burrobags.com

Medium Messenger Bag, $139.99 Flat Wallet, $20 The Medium Standard Messenger Bag is built with just about everyone in mind. It’s our most popular size and style, with all the features you need and none that you don’t. You can stuff it full of just about anything — don’t worry about being gentle, this bastard’s tough as nails. The stabilizer strap and padded shoulder strap ensure the maximum comfort level of any messenger bag available. Who carries cash anymore?

Burro Flat Wallets hold your ID, credit cards and the spending money you’d normally keep in your pocket.

34 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

Beach Blvd. Automotive 6833 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville 724-3511 beachblvdautomotive.com

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Sweet Roll: The Jacksonville Roller Girls present the fifth annual Naughty vs. Nice charity Roller Derby event on Saturday, Dec. 10 at Jax Ice & SportsPlex on the Southside.

2-5 p.m. on Nov. 20, and the Thanksgiving Day Breakfast is from 8:30-10:30 a.m. on Nov. 24.

354-4162. clarawhitemission.org I.M. SULZBACHER CENTER FOR THE HOMELESS Volunteers are needed to amass toys and ToysRUs gift cards, blankets, watches, cold-weather clothing, hygienic products and non-perishable food items. The center is located at 611 E. Adams St., Jacksonville. 359-0457 or 359-0657. sulzbachercenter.org COMMUNITY CONNECTIONS The need for Thanksgiving Baskets grows each year; the organization is getting some help this year from Intuition Ale. A “dry” basket of items families may use to cook their dinner may include a gift card for a ham or turkey ($15-$20 for Walmart or Publix), a pan, canned vegetables, chicken broth, fried onion bits, elbow macaroni, evaporated milk, marshmallows, potatoes, rice, gravy, cranberry sauce, dressing, cooking oil, flour, sugar, paper towels and tea bags. Deliver your assembled basket to Intuition Ale, 720 King St., Jacksonville, by Nov. 19 and you’ll get a $30 certificate for their taproom brew. Call Intuition at 683-7720; Community Connections at 350-9949. communityconnectionsjax.org JACKSONVILLE YOUTH SANCTUARY 4570 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 3, Jacksonville, 389-5231 The Sanctuary provides residential group care to foster children (13-17 years old), and provides housing, education, life skills training and mentoring to youths 18-23 years old who have aged out of foster care. Christmas gifts, holiday food and monetary donations are needed. jaxyouth.org MISSION HOUSE 800 Shetter Ave., Jax Beach, 241-6767 This day facility, serving the homeless from Mayport to St. Johns County, provides meals, showers, clothing vouchers, medical care, case management and referrals. The Mission House is in need of funding to support its programs. missionhousejax.org ST. FRANCIS HOUSE 70 Washington St., St. Augustine, 829-8937 This homeless resource, food pantry, soup kitchen and emergency housing shelter, serving 200 hot lunches daily, accepts donations of time, money, sponsorships or handyman skills. stfrancisshelter.org

ST. FRANCIS SOUP KITCHEN 134 E. Church St., downtown Jacksonville, 356-2902 or 359-0331 Operated by Immaculate Conception Catholic Church, the 30-plus-year-old soup kitchen serves food at 7 and 10 a.m. every Saturday, with clothing distribution from 8-10 a.m., canned goods at 10 a.m. stfrancissoupkitchenjax.org SALVATION ARMY 328 N. Ocean St., Jacksonville, 301-4846 The Salvation Army needs Red Kettle bellringers, sorters, meal servers on Christmas Day, Adopt-aFamily participants, Angel Tree toy shop workers and volunteers to help with year-round local programs. A Thanksgiving meal is served on Nov. 24, a Christmas meal is served on Dec. 24. uss.salvationarmy.org TRINITY LUTHERAN CHURCH FOOD PANTRY The pantry serves 9,000 families — approximately 27,000 individuals — every year. Food donations are needed. Nonperishable food items are accepted.

2969 Park St., Jacksonville. 389-5341. trinity4jax.org YOUTH CRISIS CENTER 3015 Parental Home Road, Jacksonville, 1-877-720-0007, 720-0002 The Center shelters homeless, runaway and abandoned children (ages 10-17), provides counseling and attempts to reunite families.

Needed items include coats, sweaters, jeans, shoes, CD players, watches, journals, educational games, arts-and-crafts materials, and backpacks. youthcrisiscenter.org

COLD WEATHER SHELTERS Salvation Army, 356-8641 St. Paul’s By-The-Sea Episcopal Church, 249-4091 Community Presbyterian Church, 249-8698 St. Paul’s Catholic Church, 249-2600 Palms Presbyterian Church, 270-1089 Jacksonville Beach Church of Christ, 246-2457 First Christian Church of the Beaches, 246-2010 NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 35

Open Road Bicycles

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Specialize Epic Elite This holiday season, give the gift of fun and fitness. Surprise your special someone with a bike from Open Road Bicycles. With bicycles for the whole family, we have the perfect bike for your favorite rider — young or old, beginner to expert. Bicycles include 15 percent off parts and accessories for 90 days and one year of free service. Layaway now!

Troops of Time

1602 Copeland St., Jacksonville le 381-6828 troopsoftime.com

WWI Red Baron FOKKER DR1 Airplane, $198 WWII Carro Armato M13/40 “Australian” Tank $189 Troops of Time is the only gallery and shop of its kind in the Northeast Florida/ Southeast Georgia region. The “Red Baron” is an exquisitely detailed airplane from John Jenkins Designs; the “Carro Armato” tank is a unique piece from King & Country, depicting an Australian Cavalry Regiment’s capture and remarking of an enemy Italian tank. Stop in or shop online for hundreds of other figurines and vehicles.

SUNRISE SURF SHOP 834 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach 241-0822 sunrisesurfshop.com

GO PRO HD HERO2, $299.95 The gift every surfer should get this year! The HD HERO2 is the most advanced GoPro camera yet: Wearable and surfboard-mountable, waterproof to 197 feet (60m), capable of capturing professional, full 170° wideangle 1080p video and 11 megapixel photos at a rate of 10 photos per second. It’s the smallest, lightest, most powerful HD camera in the world for capturing and sharing immersive videos and photos of you and your friends surfing and traveling the globe. Whether your goal is to shoot footage of yourself, getting pitted on a dream trip, or you want to film your style to study how to improve (it works, big time!), this ultimate camera can deliver.

NIXON 42-20 CHRONO in Rose Gold, $450 Your lady will love this new watch from Nixon. Available in a variety of colors, the Nixon 42-20 is the must-have gift to give this season!

Sunrise Surf Shop is your go-to place to find the perfect gifts for everyone — and for you!

36 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

Chewing the Fat

The holiday season is larded with biological impulses toward rich, high-calorie foods

R

itual and celebration at winter’s solstice time has been the norm around the world long before the commercial “holiday season” was recognized. Many cultures, including pagan, Norse, German, American Indian and Japanese, have solstice-related symbols and myths in common with our own, such as the decorating of an evergreen tree, the use of lights to compensate for the absence of sun or the telling of stories about rebirth when the world is dead.

Another common tradition at the beginning of winter is the act of getting together for a feast.

It’s a time when the harvest is in and the hunt is done. Everybody is snuggled into cozy corners and in need of social contact. And, of course, we need to inflate some of our empty fat cells to help keep the sharp teeth of winter at bay.

Metabolically speaking, little has changed since ancient times. During warmer seasons, we don’t need as much antifreeze in our pipes, and can survive by grazing on leafy greens.

But as the days cool, salad alone just won’t cut it — unless it includes cheese, bacon bits, ranch dressing and olives and is served with warm soup and buttered bread. This time of year, our eating habits respond to the need for extra insulation, which comes down to fat.

An Arctic explorer I once heard on the radio mentioned that when she’s off exploring and freezing her ass off, there’s nothing she’d rather eat than a stick of butter rolled in sugar. Every calorie counts when your body is a delicate fire that needs to be fed and protected from the forces that would otherwise extinguish it. While that diet might not appeal to you while chilling on the couch, the colder you are and the harder you’re working, the more you need those calories.

Many schools of cooking follow the rule of thumb that “fat is flavor.” I agree with the importance of fat in creating rich, satisfying flavor, but I don’t agree it’s as simple as “add butter and serve.”

Consider a nice deer steak drenched in salmoriglio, an oily, lemony, oregano garlic sauce similar to the Argentine chimichurri.

In salmoriglio, the acidic lemon mixes with the fatty olive oil, creating a context for the oregano to permeate the mouth with its herby volatility, while drenching the protein with a balance of fat and acid. The fat coats the taste buds, and the acid cuts through the fat to stimulate them.

The fat/acid phenomenon is enjoyed in oil-and-vinegar salad dressing, lemon butter for sole meuniere, wine and cheese, and French fries with ketchup. In each case, the fat and acid are combined with the thing that’s eaten: salad, fish, potatoes. This acid + fat + thing flavor equation works throughout the year, of course, but it’s especially poignant now, when rich foods are tastier than ever.

In fact, fat and acid together is a metaphor for the holidays as a whole. The acid component is analogous to the cold, dark conditions this time of year, and the need to create a cushion. The holidays are that cushion, softening the blow of winter while keeping us moving forward into the new calendar year. Fat is like the holidays, softening winter’s bite. The

Fat and acid together are a metaphor for the holidays as a whole. The acid component is analogous to the cold, dark conditions this time of year, and fat is like the holidays, softening winter’s bite. festivities might seem too decadent if it weren’t for the severity of the season.

While the creative tension between acid and fat can create great flavor, the two substances don’t easily mix. When forced to commingle, they move apart as quickly as possible, causing many a sauce or dressing to separate.

When acid and a fat are coaxed to mix into a stable form that doesn’t separate, it’s called an emulsion. Many of the world’s best sauces are emulsions, like mayonnaise, Hollandaise, Béarnaise, ranch dressingaise and even some sauces that aren’t white and end in “aise,” like salmoriglio atop the venison. Here’s how to make it: While your steak (or other “thing”) is cooking, ideally on glowing coals, quickly whisk or beat a half-cup of olive oil in a small bowl or food processor. Add a half-cup of hot water, poured slowly into the oil in a thin stream, as you constantly beat the oil. Continue

beating as you add the juice of a lemon, in a thin stream. Finally, stir in a clove of minced garlic, a few sprigs of minced parsley and minced oregano and a teaspoon of dried oregano. Adjust seasoning with salt, and serve the salmoriglio on your thing.

To complete the dish, sprinkle some pomegranate seeds on the salmoriglio-drenched thing. The occasional seed will explode in your mouth, a tart bite of sweet acid cutting the richness like a sip of wine.

Warm camaraderie further thickens the sauce as we gather, swap stories, work together in the kitchen and reflect upon the spread before us. Don’t let the dying of the light and the empty, cold, dark days threaten to swallow us whole. It’s time to battle back, rub our hands together, light candles, gather indoors, extend our glasses and dive into our fatty feast.

Ari LeVaux themail@folioweekly.com november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 37

Folio Weekly’s

“Meet John Waters Contest”

- WINNERS

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ons, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 090611 PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

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FolioWeekly

Well, that was unpleasant.

For this year’s “Meet John Waters” contest, Folio Weekly asked you to put in writing your worst holiday memory.

You responded sluggishly at first, and then with increasing frequency (and vitriol).

In the end, choosing a winner was no easy matter.

But first prize — and a chance to meet and hang with King of Sleaze John Waters — goes to Joey Egly, whose story, “The Christmas Goo,” took top honors among all the Horrible Holiday Stories we received. Runners-up Derek Coghlan and Matthew Moyer will each receive four free tickets to “A John Waters Xmas” on Nov. 30 at The Florida Theatre.

Congratulations to them, and thanks to all who participated for spoiling the holidays for us forever.

Anne Schindler, Editor 38 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

FIRST PLACE

“The Christmas Goo”

by Joey Egly

T

here was a time in history when I didn’t know to make an annual list that would prevent parental missteps about what gifts I wanted. Even the wizards at Kenner hadn’t yet programmed my impulse to collect the various robots and aliens of the Star Wars films. This was a time when my books featured downy heroes and very few words. The toys were generic in quality and meager in concept.

It was Christmas and I was three years old.

While I can’t remember the floor plan of the house where this particular Christmas took place, I recall clearly that it was my Grandmother Dorothy’s visit that upstaged the season. I have earlier memories of her, but this was the first time I’d formed any opinion of her.

She had a labored expression when walking that melted away once she had a seat and a beer.

I believe that The Goo was the ancestor of that elastic wonder Stretch Armstrong. This Goo started as a saggy, human-shaped being of gloopy green polymer — already pretty rude — but before dinner was served, his monstrous transformation was complete, with the permanent addition of carpet fibers, dog hairs and whatever grit was on the kitchen tile.

My mother insisted that I put down the health hazard during dinner, and I did so. According to later retellings by my mother, I left him in the middle of the living room floor, where my father found it and tossed it in the trashcan outside. Good riddance to all that grime …

After dinner, I remember my father’s suggestion to go and make Grandmother Dorothy’s bed for her. Now, turn-down service by a three-year-old doesn’t mean much of

He started as a saggy, gloopy, green polymer — already pretty rude — but before dinner was served, his monstrous transformation was complete, with the permanent addition of carpet fibers, dog hairs and whatever grit was on the kitchen tile.

The mound on her stomach was not what I’d first thought (a baby). It was the backfiring of a pioneering step in a radical surgery — the tummy-tuck. Her herniated intestine lurks in my mind whenever I’m confronted with a blue-green bruise or the indecisive swells on a head of cauliflower. It’s familiar, but also ghoulish. The fact that she introduced me to chocolate-covered cherries, however, dismissed any scariness that came with the lumpy territory. How could I refuse to love her?

That Christmas morning was captured in photos of me tearing gift-wrap from items, without any expectations, according to my tiny face. If only someone had the foresight to take a picture of The Goo that Grandmother Dorothy had given me that year. I find it hard to believe that she bought such a present. This was the same grandmother who’d refused to take me to see “The Empire Strikes Back,” because the TV trailer showed a wormy creature popping out of a craggy rock. Creepy things were not her deal.

I was convinced that this gift was a prank on my father’s part.

Maybe research can confirm this, but

anything, but there’s a photo documenting my efforts to make a sweet, if instructed, attempt.

After this feat of hospitality, and sometime before she retired for the night, one of the profound mysteries of our family history took root: Who put The Goo under the sheets of Grandmother Dorothy’s bed?

I was ultimately blamed, but in looking back at photos from that day, I’m not convinced that I had such vision. Nor do I remember being that complex or capable.

Being held responsible for Grandmother Dorothy’s shrieking after she encountered the damp and rubbery intruder changed me, thought not necessarily for the worse.

But who would believe that a toddler could calculate the moment when, in the struggle to escape, his newest friend would soil herself so thoroughly that her muumuu — the one printed with lurid tropical leaves and neon parrots — had to be thrown away?

This memory, and my lack of shame (like Grandmother Dorothy’s polyester nightgown and my silicone playmate) are buried side-byside in the landfill of forever ago.

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 39

“A Sort of Homecoming”

by Derek Coghlan

I

40 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

grew up in Castlepollard, a small town in the middle of nowhere in the middle of Ireland in the 1970s. My parents were Catholic. Everyone was Catholic. Guilt, unemployment and prayer were ways of life.

Divorce was illegal; condoms a black market item; lingerie, an urban myth. Sex had yet to be officially recognized by the Irish Government.

Joy was something that they had in America.

But Christmas was different. Christmas was a time of rampant glee. Christmas was a glorious escape. From early December, my stomach churned in anticipated rapture. What was Santa Claus going to bring me? Had I been a good boy? Would I hear his reindeer on the roof? Mostly I just tried not to burst.

My family always put up our tree two Sundays before the 25th, and the procuring of it was the same every year. Ritual. My father, my older brother and I would drive to the woods outside our town and, while we played look-out, my father would chop down a tree. It was my earliest illicit pleasure. He always told my mother that he’d bought it, but he couldn’t bear to abandon the tradition of tree-rustling that his own father had introduced him to many years before.

Christmas morning in our house was magnificent bedlam. It was Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory meets Berlin the night The Wall came down. Presents under the tree were attacked, paper strewn everywhere.

Happiness reigned. And over-looking it all, our parents, beaming.

And then it changed. Not all at once in a rushing, babbling torrent, but in a gradual decisive way that spoke of the icy firm permanence of glaciers. My father stopped stealing trees. Santa Claus no longer came. I grew up. My parents’ marriage fell apart.

Riotous Christmas morning joy was replaced by cynical detachment. My mother no longer liked the gifts my father gave her. He tried flowers. “Too obvious.” He brought her breakfast in bed. The tea was cold, the toast over-buttered. He bought her trinkets. She was allergic to anything but the purest of pure gold.

He bought dresses; always out of style. He got her sweaters; she was not a maiden aunt. He went with shoes; the wrong size. Once he gave her an envelope full of cash and she berated him for having no imagination. There was no pleasing her. The luster was gone, the pretence of civility with it. All that glittered was not gold.

Christmas dinner, which had once been the elegant conclusion to a magnificent day, gradually morphed into feeding time at the Dublin Zoo hyena pit. By the time I was a teenager, it was like Barnum & Bailey’s circus on acid. It was one of only two meals a year we ate in the dining room. The other was on

Easter Sunday. For the remaining three hundred and sixty three days, this room, crypt-cold and forlorn, lay shrouded in dust covers and clear plastic sheaths to protect the hodgepodge of knickknacks that passed, in my mother’s eye, for antiques. It was a strangely joyless room and my mother’s efforts to spruce it up for the holidays served only to accentuate its bleakness. Around the creaking table, covered in a retina-scorching, multicolored tablecloth we would gather.

Conversation was a challenge. Nobody gave an inch.

“Say grace before the meal,” my mother intoned piously, butter not melting in her mouth.

“GRACE!” my brother roared.

“Oh, aren’t you the funny fellow, the real genius who was so smart he got kicked out of three schools. Well, now that you’ve had your joke, would you mind saying the grace before meals?”

“Why?” “Because it’s Christmas!”

“Fuck Christmas!”

“What did you say?”

“I said I don’t remember the words.”

“Say the bloody words, for the love of God,” my father would finally explode.

“All right then. All right. Calm down. Rub a dub dub, thank God for the grub!”

Chaos, threats, curses, tears and punches ensued. Doors were slammed. Everyone fought to get the last word. My father, in a blind rage, kicked the cat, cursed his offspring and loudly rued that day in September of ’65 when he had said “I do.” My sister cried genuine tears. She was still young and believed in the television’s message of the healing power of Christmas. I took a plate to my bedroom, polished off the turkey and then snuck out the window and headed elsewhere in search of sanity.

Five years ago, it was just the three of us: my mother, my father and me. My siblings, on the advice of therapists and the threat of spousal abandonment, had excused themselves. Monstrously hung over on Christmas morning, the grim silence of the living room removed once and for all the twinkling memories of my past. We didn’t even bother with the pretence of gift-giving.

I festered on the couch watching the nauseainducing schlock of the Irish Christmas special, and wondered how the hell all that childhood bliss could have become so cheerless and empty.

Dinner was a Fellini movie perversely reversed. Instead of Tuscan sun, laughter, good food and dancing, there was a badly lit room, an over-decorated table, the creepy stares of Hummel figurines and a heavy, heavy silence. My parents, bitter enemies by now, communicated tersely through me.

“Ask your father if that wine is for drinking or just for decoration?”

“Tell your mother if she wants the wine she can bloody well get it herself.”

I wanted to drown myself in the soup.

For the main course, we had overdone ham, undercooked cabbage and, bizarrely and inexplicably, boiled grapefruit.

Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of citrus fruit in Ireland and nobody in my family had ever seen a pink grapefruit before. I had FedExed some over from Florida a few days before my arrival and had wondered what had become of them. My mother, a Home Economics teacher and perhaps the worst cook in the world, thinking they were a new breed of fancy American potatoes, had boiled them. She boiled grapefruit and served it with ham and cabbage as our Christmas dinner. My father’s expression when she plonked that mess in front of him resembled that of a bulldog chewing a wasp. For me, it was the last straw. I lost it.

“You boiled grapefruit! You boiled grapefruit! Have you completely lost your mind?

It’s not a potato, you idiot, it’s a grapefruit! It’s like an orange but bigger and bitter and … .” I stopped. I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

There was nothing else to say. I sat down.

My mother responded. “Well, no wonder America is the way it is. Who in their right minds would eat those things? They are horrible. It probably doesn’t even matter how long I boil them, I bet they still taste awful.

They’ll never take the place of our potatoes.”

“They’re not potatoes,” I protested.

“Oh, listen to Mister Fancy Pants. Off he goes to America and now he’s a big shot and an expert on food and all things culinary. And when he was at home here, he wouldn’t have known his arse from an apple pie. Now he’s telling me how to cook the Christmas dinner. Well, I won’t have it.

Not in my house. Not at my table.”

And with that, she grabbed the plates and, wearing the face of the long-suffering martyr, she stormed from the room, leaving in her self-righteous wake a spreading funk of bilious resentment.

My father turned to me. “You couldn’t just leave it alone, could you? You had to say something. You couldn’t just let things go, could you?”

“She boiled grapefruit!” I screamed.

“Yes, son, she did. But in a couple of days, you’ll go back to Florida. I have to live here. I have to live with that woman.”

I leaned on the table and hung my head.

“You’re right, Dad,” I said.

“Bloody sure I am,” he said, “and anyway, maybe with a little bit of butter and a pinch of salt, them grapefruits wouldn’t be half-bad.”

I haven’t been back for Christmas since.

2ND RUNNER UP

“The Revenge of Dirty Dirt”

by Matthew Moyer

I

should start off by saying that my Great-Uncle Moe was a hero amongst men. He might have single-handedly saved the 1950s from being the most boring and straight-laced decade in American history — “Mad Men” be damned.

How do I know that? Countless stories.

Come on, man, you say, I need primary source material! How about fuzzy family reel-to-reels of him dancing around in a nightgown that somehow ended up in the midst of archived Christmas celebrations and shots of my dad and his brother sledding down a hill as little kids? (I would later find out that the hill in

for presents and attention. Just take the Uncle Moe ribbing in stride and the rest is gravy, right? Not so fast. See, buried within Uncle Moe’s aforementioned mountain of gifts were one or two oddly shaped boxes, barely wrapped in old, messy newspaper. These presents were where Uncle Moe’s prankster id ran wild; these presents were courtesy of Dirty Dirt, and they became the most feared moment of every Christmas.

I always put off opening those haphazard packages until the very end, when they were placed squarely in front of me. I’d cast a

Dirty Dirt got more ambitious every year.

I got a soiled diaper in a cigar box one year — plush skunk included. The next year, I got a comically oversized thrift-store bra. question bottomed out into the infamous Doo Doo Creek, a creek filled with, well, feces, and my dad would purposely pilot the sled into the creek, bailing out at the last second and leaving his little brother to his shitty fate. But that’s a different story.)

So Uncle Moe is prancing in this nightie and I’m just transfixed, until my grandma realizes what’s going on and, with a shriek, she jumps in front of the projection screen, hoping to block out the offending images.

Unfortunately, she’s wearing a white pantsuit, so I’m treated to the surreal sight of Uncle Moe’s jet-black pompadour and unmistakably crazy eyes, dancing across a polyester sea.

For decades, he brought this air of unhinged uncertainty to otherwise tame family gatherings and vacations. By the time I was old enough to remember things, the pompadour had grayed and there were a few more wrinkles but, hell, you just never knew what was going to happen when Uncle Moe came rolling up in his burgundy van. And Christmas was kinda his thing. He’d burst into my grandparents’ house fashionably late — poor Aunt Pat trailing behind with a mountain of gifts — with one of those laughing boxes in one hand and an oversized Singing Santa in the other, mimicking both. Within a few minutes, he’d look around the room and loudly proclaim himself the best-looking guy in the place, flexing his muscles and doing the ohmygod-hepulled-his-finger-off trick interminably. I fell for it every time.

My brother and I were the only children at these gatherings, and still young enough to be adorable, so we were like ground zero

pleading glance to my dad or my other uncles, seeing if I could get out of it, but they were wearily regarding their new identical linen sets (“Triples! Everyone gets the same thing!”), and wanting a little Yuletide entertainment. “A present is a present,” they’d say, “you have to be polite and open it.”

The first Dirty Dirt present was a seemingly innocuous container of peanuts. I thought I’d dodged a bullet. But then Uncle Moe asked very solemnly for a peanut. Next thing you know, snakes were exploding everywhere. Dirty Dirt got more ambitious every year. I got a soiled diaper in a cigar box one year — plush skunk included. The next year, I got a comically oversized thrift-store bra. But Dirty Dirt could not be dissuaded, and was as diligent as Santa Claus in his own way.

The third year of Dirty Dirt’s reign of terror was his coup de grace. Out of a gigantic cardboard box came another box, this one turned into a crude replica of a human face, complete with a foot-long Styrofoam cone nose, googly eyes and the words “Boogie Pickin’ Box” emblazoned on the side. Beside himself, Uncle Moe bellowed, “I’ve heard that you have a problem picking boogies at school!

Well, you just put this Boogie Box on and you can pick away all day!” Then he laughed and laughed as he lowered it on my head. The last thing I saw before the world went black were the legs of his plaid pants and a supernova of flashbulbs. Even though I was beyond mortified, I probably ended up sneaking a pick or two.

Dirty Dirt would later regift the Boogie Box to every one of my cousins over the years.

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 41

42 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

A Decade of Grooves: Fusebox Funk celebrates their 10-year anniversary with a concert including friends Lady Daisey and Batsauce on Nov. 19 at 10 p.m. at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach. Tickets are $15; $20 for under 21.

247-6636.

Continued from page 22.

Bernos Band at 10 p.m. on Nov. 18. Toots Lorraine & the Traffic on Nov. 19 TOM & BETTY’S, 4409 Roosevelt Blvd., 387-3311 Live music every Fri. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

THE COFFEE GRINDER, 9834 Old Baymeadows Rd., 642-7600 DJ Roy Luis spins new & vintage original house at 9 p.m. every Thur.

GATOR’S DOCKSIDE, 8650 Baymeadows Rd., 448-0500 Comfort Zone Band at 9 p.m. every Fri. MY PLACE BAR-N-GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Out of Hand every Mon. Rotating bands every other Tue. & Wed. OASIS GRILL & CHILL, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 748-9636

DJs Stan and Mike Bend spin every Feel Good Fri. TONY D’S NEW YORK PIZZA & RESTAURANT, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 322-7051 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri.

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) THE ATLANTIC, 333 N. First St., 249-3338 The Infader spins every Wed. DJ Wes Reed spins every Thur. DJ Jade spins old wave & ’80s retro, SilverStar spins hip hop every Fri. DJ Wes Reed spins ’80s, old school, remixes & mashups, Capone spins top 40 & dance faves every Sat. BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD, 120 S. Third St., 444-8862 Kurt Lanham sings classical island music every Fri.-Sun. BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Kurt Lanham at 5:30 p.m. on Nov. 17; at noon on Nov. 20. Dune Dogs

at 6 p.m. on Nov. 18. 4Play at 5:30 p.m. on Nov. 19. Incognito at noon on Nov. 20 BLUES ROCK CAFE, 831 N. First St., 249-0007 Live music every weekend BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 DJ IBay every Tue., Fri. & Sat. DJ Ginsu every Wed. DJ Jade every Thur. Charlie Walker every Sun. CARIBBEE KEY, 100 N. First St., Neptune Beach, 270-8940 Mark O’Quinn on Nov. 16. Alex Seier on Nov. 17. Alex Seier and Peter Dearing on Nov. 18 & 19 CASA MARINA, 691 First St. N., 270-0025 Live music on Nov. 16 COPPER TOP, 1712 Beach Blvd., 249-4776 Karaoke with Billy McMahan, 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Open mic every Wed. CRAB CAKE FACTORY, 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza, 247-9880 Live jazz with Pierre & Co. every Wed. CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Terry Whitehead & Red Afternoon Band at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 18. Johnston Duo at 6 p.m. on Nov. 19 EL POTRO MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1553 Third St. N., 241-6910 Wilfredo Lopez every Wed. & Sat. ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY, 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337 Live music every Thur.

EUROPEAN STREET, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001 Ariana Hall from 5-8 p.m. on Nov. 20 FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Nate Holley every Mon. Wes Cobb every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. King Eddie reggae every Sun. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 The Original Wailers and Jah Elect on Nov. 16. A New Decree on Nov. 18.

Mayday Parade, We Are the In Crowd, You Me At Six and There for Tomorrow on Nov. 19 GREEN ROOM BREWING, 228 N. Third St., 201-9283 Billy Bowers at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Dave Hendershott on Nov. 16. Mark O’Quinn on Nov. 17. Tim O’Shea on Nov. 18. Jimmy Solari on Nov. 19 LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Jazz at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Blistur on Nov. 18 & 19. Split Tone at 10:30 p.m. every Tue. Nate Holley Band every Wed. Ryan Campbell every Thur. Wits End every Sun. Little Green Men every Mon. MAYPORT TAVERN, 2775 Old Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 270-0801 Live music at 3 p.m. every Sun. Open mic at 5 p.m. every Wed. DJ Jason hosts Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

$1 Draft 18oz Cup Happy Hour Mon: 2-4-1 Selected Cans

Tues: All U Can Drink Draft 1 Person $15, 2 people $20/Karaoke Wed: Bike Night, Happy Hour All Day Thurs: Karaoke, Free Draft for Ladies 9pm-1am, Mix Drinks 2 for $5 Fri & Sat: Full Throttle Ladies $5 All U Can Drink Draft. Starts at 9pm Sun: Happy Hour All Day/Karaoke Come Knock Your Boots Off 12405-7 N. Main St. | 647-7798

Wednesday Vinnie Thursday Yankee Slickers Friday & Saturday Paul Lundgren Sunday Vinnie Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 43

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., Ste. 2, 246-1500 Chillula on Nov. 17. Yankee Slickers on Nov. 18. Live music every Wed.-Sat. MEZZA LUNA, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Mike Shackelford and Rick Johnson at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Fusebox Funk 10th anniversary concert with Lady Daisey and Batsauce at 10 p.m. on Nov. 19 MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN, 1850 S. Third St., 246-1070 Wes Cobb at 10 p.m. every Tue. DJ Austin Williams spins dance & for Karaoke at 9 p.m. every Wed., Sat. & Sun. DJ Papa Sugar spins dance music at 9 p.m. every Mon., Thur. & Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Live music nightly NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Billy Bowers at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 19. Live music every Thur.-Sat. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060 Live music every weekend THE PIER RESTAURANT, 445 Eighth Ave. N., 246-6454 Darren Corlew from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Vinnie on Nov. 16 & 20. Yankee Slickers on Nov. 17.

Paul Lundgren Band on Nov. 18 & 19 RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 320 N. First St., 270-8565 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. SUN DOG, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 241-8221 Buck Smith on Nov. 16. Fish Out of Water on Nov. 17. Mr. Natural on Nov. 18 & 19. Bread & Butter on Nov. 20. Live music every Wed.-Mon. SWAY GRILLE & MARTINI BAR, 1312 Beach Blvd., 249-5800 Live music on Nov. 16 THE WINE BAR, 320 N. First St., 372-0211 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

DOWNTOWN

BURRO BAR, 228 E. Forsyth St., 353-4692 Deepwater Soul Society on Nov. 18. Underhill Family Orchestra on Nov. 24. DJ Tin Man spins reggae & dub every Tue. DJ SuZi-Rok spins a variety every Thur. $Big Bucks DJ Crew$ every Sat. Bert No Shirt & Uncle Jesse every Sun. CITY HALL PUB, 234 Randolph Blvd., 356-6750 DJ Skillz spins Motown, hip hop & R&B every Wed. Live music every Tue. & Thur.

Smooth Jazz Lunch at 11 a.m., Latin music at 9 p.m. every first Fri.; Ol’ Skool every last Fri. CLUB TSI, 333 E. Bay St. Live music every weekend DIVE BAR, 331 E. Bay St., 359-9090 Live music every weekend DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth, 354-0666 DJ Synsonic spins every Tue. & Fri. DJ Rockin’ Bones spins every Wed. DJ Scandalous spins every Sat. DJ Randall Karaoke every Mon. THE IVY ULTRA BAR, 113 E. Bay St., 356-9200 DJs 151 The Experience & C-Lo spin every Rush Hour Wed. DJ E.L. spins top 40, South Beach & dance classics every Pure Sat. MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Vinn spins top 40 for ladies nite every Thur. Ritmo y Sabor every Fiesta Fri. BayStreet mega party with DJ Shotgun every Sat. MAVERICKS, The Jacksonville Landing, 356-1110 She’s Country Tour with Heidi Newfield and Bridgette Tatum at 6 p.m. on Nov. 18. Bobby Laredo spins every Thur. & Sat. Saddle Up every Sat. NORTHSTAR THE PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Open mic night from 8:30-11:30 p.m. every Wed. THE PEARL, 1101 N. Main St., 791-4499 DJs Tom P. & Ian S. spin ’80s & indie dance every Fri. DJ Ricky spins indie rock, hip hop & electro every Sat. ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Rebecca Day on Nov. 16. Wits End on Nov. 17. Brown Bag Special on Nov. 18. Open mic every Tue. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R. 220, 215-8999 DJ Ty spins for ladies’ nite every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Buck Smith Project every Mon. Blistur unplugged every Wed.WW RUSH STREET/CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, 406 Old Hard Rd., Ste. 106, 213-7779 A DJ spins at 10 p.m. every Wed., Fri. & Sat. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Karaoke on Nov. 16. DJ BG at 9 p.m. on Nov. 17. 2Tone at 5 p.m., Big Engine at 9:30 p.m. on Nov. 18. Reggie Lee at 5 p.m., Big Engine at 9:30 p.m. on Nov. 19. Reggae on the deck with Frank Charles at 5 p.m. on Nov. 20. DJ BG every Mon.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

BREWSTER’S PIT, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Agnostic Front on Nov. 17. Tony Smotherman CD release party

COPPERTOP?

44 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18. Tantric, Man Made Machine, Eve To Adam, Lawless Hearts, Underride and Seven Years Past on Nov. 20.

Trapped Under Ice on Nov. 22 BREWSTER’S PUB, 14003 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 223-9850 Open mic every Wed. Karaoke with DJ Randal & live music every Thur., Fri. & Sat. A DJ spins every Mon. BRUCCI’S PIZZA, 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36, 223-6913 Mike Shackelford at 6:30 p.m. every Sat. and Mon. CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 ZeroN at 9 p.m. on Nov. 18 & 19. DJ Jack spins for Karaoke dance party every Tue. & Sun. DJ Two3 spins for ladies nite every Wed. DJ Two4 spins every Thur.

JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22, 220-6766 Live music every Fri.

JULINGTON CREEK, NW ST. JOHNS

HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101, 683-1964 Live music at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. SHANNON’S IRISH PUB, 111 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-9670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

MANDARIN

AW SHUCKS OYSTER BAR & GRILL, 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd., 240-0368 Open mic with John O’Connor from 7-10 p.m. every Wed. Cafe Groove Duo, Jay Terry & John O’Connor, from 8-11 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Sat. CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 11475 San Jose Blvd., 262-4337 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Karaoke from 9 p.m.-1 p.m. Mon.-Thur. Dennis Klee & the World’s Most Talented Waitstaff every Fri. & Sat. RACK ’EM UP BILLIARDS, 4268 Oldfield Crossing, 262-4030 Craig Hand every Sat. Karaoke at 7 p.m. every Sun. SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE, 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16, 538-0811 Live music from 6-9 p.m. every Fri. TREE STEAKHOUSE, 11362 San Jose Blvd., 262-0006 Boril Ivanov Trio at 7 p.m. every Thur. David Gum at 7 p.m. every Fri.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS BAR & GRILL, 1580 Wells Rd., 269-4855 Karaoke at 9:30 p.m. every Wed. & Sat. CRACKERS LOUNGE, 1282 Blanding Blvd., 272-4620 Karaoke every Fri. & Sat. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every

ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Jimmy Solari on Nov. 16. Brady Reich on Nov. 17. Billy Buchanan on Nov. 18. Matt Collins on Nov. 19 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 997-1955 Tim O’Shea on Nov. 16. Charlie Walker on Nov. 17.

Wes Cobb on Nov. 19. Open mic nite every Tue. SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Parkway N., 997-1999 Chuck Nash every Thur. Live music at 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Bailemos Latin nite on Nov. 15. Hook’d Band and DJ Marvel on Nov. 17. Dave Luthra on Nov. 18. Mark O’Quinn on Nov. 19. Live music from 9 p.m.-mid. every Thur. and 6-9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. URBAN FLATS, 9726 Touchton Rd., 642-1488 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHISKY RIVER, 4850 Big Island Drive, 645-5571 A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Karaoke every Mon.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

Folio Weekly’s favorite Beatle is Yoko — deal with it: Beatlemaniacs have back-to-back chances to check out Beatles tribute acts this week when Rain: A Tribute to The Beatles perform on Nov. 16 at 7:30 p.m. at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $36.50-$72. 632-3373. The Fab Four perform on Nov. 17 at 7 p.m. at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach. Advance tickets are $32.50; $37.50 day of show. 209-0399.

Wed.-Sat. PARK AVENUE BILLIARDS, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Random Act from 7:30-11:30 p.m. every Mon. Bike Nite THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Blistur on Nov. 17. Roger That on Nov. 18 & 19. DJ Waldo every Tue. DJ Papa Sugar every Wed. Buck Smith Project every Mon.

PALATKA

DOWNTOWN BLUES BAR & GRILLE, 714 St. Johns Ave., (386) 325-5454 Local talent nite every Wed. Karaoke at 8 p.m. every Thur. Garage Band at 8 p.m. every Fri. Jam & open mic at 4 p.m. every Biker Sunday.

PONTE VEDRA

LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE, 301 N. Roscoe Blvd., 285-0139 Mike Shackelford & Rick Johnson from 7-10 p.m. every Fri. Tony Novelly from 6-10 p.m. every Mon. NINETEEN at Sawgrass, 110 Championship Way, 273-3235 Time2Swing at 6 p.m. every Thur. Strings of Fire every Sat. PUSSER’S CARIBBEAN GRILLE, 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, 280-7766 Braxton Adamson from 6-10 p.m. on Nov. 17. Danny Kent from 8 p.m.-2 a.m. on Nov. 18. Live music every Thur.-Sun. URBAN FLATS, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 High Tides of Jazz at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 17. Be Easy at 4 p.m., Evans Bros. at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18. Darren Corlew Band at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 19. Incognito at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 21. Darren Corlew every Tue. Soulo & Deron Baker at 6 p.m. every Wed.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

BOLD CITY BREWERY, 2670 Rosselle St., Ste. 7, 379-6551 Underhill Rose at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19 HJ’S BAR & GRILL, 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., 317-2783 Karaoke with DJ Ron at 8:30 p.m. every Tue. & DJ Richie at every Fri. Live music every Sat. Open mic at 8 p.m. every Wed. KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor every Thur.

Robby Shenk every Sun. LOMAX LODGE, 822 Lomax St., 634-8813 DJ Dots every Tue. Milan da Tin Man every Wed. DJ Christian every Sat. DJ Spencer every Sun. DJ Luminous every Mon. THE MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Sack the City, Rush on Refuge and Tim Serdynski at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 18. King of the Hill semifinals with Favoretta, Vertical Axis, A New Decree, Party 4 Three and The Tell Tale Heart at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 19. A Plea For Purging CD release party at 7 p.m. on Nov. 20 PIZZA PALACE, 920 Margaret St., 598-1212 Jennifer Chase at 6:30 p.m. every Fri.

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 Will Pearsall on Nov. 17. Those Guys on Nov. 18 & 19 AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT, 1915 A1A S., 461-0102 Fermin Spanish guitar from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Smokin Joe on Nov. 15. Songwriters on Nov. 16. Doug Macrae on Nov. 18. Tom & Jerry on Nov. 19. Karaoke at 8 p.m. on Nov. 20 THE BRITISH PUB, 213 Anastasia Blvd., 810-5111 Karaoke with Jimmy Jamez at 9 p.m. on Nov. 18. Songwriters open mic night with TJ Ward every Mon. CAFE ELEVEN, 540 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Josh Ritter and Sarah Harmer on Nov. 16. The Knux and Jordy Towers & Evil on Nov. 17 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, San Sebastian Winery, 157 King St., 826-1594 Ain’t Too Proud 2 Beg at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18. J.R. & Barry at 2 p.m., Ain’t Too Proud 2 Beg at 7 p.m. on Nov. 19. Vinny

Jacobs at 2 p.m. on Nov. 20 CHICAGO PIZZA & BAKERY, 107 Natures Walk Pkwy., Ste. 101, 230-9700 Greg Flowers hosts open-mic and jazz piano from 7-10 p.m. every Tue. Live music every Fri. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Live music every Fri. & Sat. Chelsea Saddler every Sun. FLORIDA CRACKER CAFE, 81 St. George St., 829-0397 Lonesome Bert & the Skinny Lizard at 5:30 p.m. every Wed. HARRY’S, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers from 6-10 p.m. on Nov. 23 JACK’S BARBECUE, 691 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-8100 Jim Essery at 4 p.m. every Sat. Live music every Thur.-Sat. KING’S HEAD BRITISH PUB, 6460 U.S. 1, 823-9787 Mike Sweet from 6-8 p.m. every Thur.

KOZMIC BLUZ PIZZA CAFE & ALE, 48 Spanish St., 825-4805 Live music every Fri., Sat. & Sun. MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Open jam nite with house band at 8 p.m. every Wed. Battle of the DJs with Josh Frazetta & Mardi Gras Mike every last Sun. MEEHAN’S IRISH PUB, 20 Avenida Menendez, 810-1923 Live music every Fri. & Sat. MI CASA CAFE, 69 St. George St., 824-9317 Chelsea Saddler noon-4 p.m. every Mon., Tue. & Thur. Elizabeth Roth at noon every Sun. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19 1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Uncle meat & the Bumblebee at 9 p.m. on Nov. 18 & 19. John Winters at 1 p.m. on Nov. 20. Vinny Jacobs every Tue. Todd & Molly Jones every Wed. Colton McKenna at 9 p.m. every Thur. Will Pearsall at 9 p.m. every Mon. THE REEF, 4100 Coastal Hwy., Vilano Beach, 824-8008 Richard Kuncicky from 11 a.m.-2:30 p.m. every Sun. SANGRIAS PIANO BAR, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Soul Searchers every Wed. Jim Asalta every Thur. Jazz every Fri. The Housecats every Sat. Sunny & the Flashbacks every Sun. SCARLETT O’HARA’S, 70 Hypolita St., 824-6535 Lil Blaze & DJ Alex hosts Karaoke every Mon. SIRENS, 113 Anastasia Blvd., 460-2641 DJ Rob every Indie Monday SPY GLOBAL CUISINE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Live music every weekend THE TASTING ROOM, 25 Cuna St., 810-2400 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger from 5-8 p.m. every Sun. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Spanky on Nov. 18 & 19. St. Augustine Youth Services Benefit Concert with Red River Band, Matanzas, Those Guys, Mark Hart, Jim Carrick, Keith Godwin and Just Wade at 1 p.m. on Nov. 20. Mark Hart every Mon.-Wed. Open mic every Thur. Mark Hart & Jim Carrick every Fri. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m., Mark Hart at 5 p.m. every Sat. Keith Godwin at 1 p.m., Wade at 5 p.m. every Sun. Matanzas at 9 p.m.

Sun.-Thur.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

AROMAS CIGARS & WINE BAR, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live jazz from 8-11 p.m. every Tue. Beer house rock every Wed. Live music every Thur. Bill Rice at 9 p.m. every Sat. Salsa every Sun. BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music from 2-7 p.m. every Sun. THE GRAPE, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-7111 Live music every Fri. & Sat. John Earle every Mon. DJ Mikeology every Thur.

JOHNNY ANGELS, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120, 997-9850 Karaoke from 7-10 p.m. every Sat. with Gimme the Mike DJs

ENDO EXO, 1224 Kings Ave., 396-7733 DJ J-Money spins jazz, soul, R&B, house every Fri. DJ Manus spins top 40 & dance every Sat. Open mic with King Ron & T-Roy every Mon. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500 Nouveaux Honkies on Nov. 15. Nothin’ Fancy on Nov. 17. Jazz every 2nd Tue. HAVANA-JAX CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609 MVP Band from 6-9 p.m., DJs No Fame & Dr. Doom every Wed. Jazz every Thur. DJ Omar spins dance every Fri. DJs Harry, Rico & Nestor spin salsa every Sat. JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 The Bled, Decoder, Faith City Fiasco and Myth of Myself on Nov. 15.

Amid the Roar, Bearshark, Indigo and U.S. Goggles on Nov. 16.

Southern Culture on the Skids and Darkhorse Saloon on Nov. 17.

Sondre Lerche, Peter Wolf Crier and John Carver Band on Nov. 18.

Carnivorous Carnival, DNR and Sanguinary on Nov. 19 MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922 Bossa nova with Monica da Silva & Chad Alger at 7 p.m. every Thur.

PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815 Jennifer Chase at 7:30 p.m. every Sat. SQUARE ONE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 306-9004 Soul on the Square & Band of Destiny at 8 p.m. every Mon. John Earle Band every Tue. DJs Wes Reed & Matt Caulder spin indie dance & electro every Wed. Split Tone & DJ Comic every Thur.

SOUTHSIDE

AROMAS, 4372 Southside Blvd., Ste. 101, 928-0515 Live music from 8-11 p.m. every Tue., Wed. & Thur. Piano Bar with Will Hurley from 9 p.m.-1 a.m., a DJ spins till close every Fri. BOMBA’S, 8560 Beach Blvd., 997-2291 Open mic from 7-11 p.m. with Chris Hall every Tue. & every first Sun. Live music at 8 p.m. every Fri., at 6 p.m. every Sat. & at 5 p.m. every Sun. CORNER BISTRO & Wine Bar, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Ste. 1, 619-1931 Matt “Pianoman” Hall at 8 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. DAVE & BUSTER’S, 7025 Salisbury Rd. S., 296-1525 A DJ spins every Fri. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717 Larry Mangum’s Songwriters’ Circle with Ariana Hall, Ken and Leigh Skeens at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19 LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 Nashville Unplugged features Deans Sams, Brian McComas, Aaron Benward and Keith Anderson at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17. Boogie Freaks and Darren Moore at 8 p.m., VJ Shotgun at 11 p.m. on Nov. 18.

Sugarbear at 8 p.m., VJ Josh Franzetta at 11 p.m. on Nov. 19.

Rockinaroake at 8 p.m. every Thur.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BLUE DINER CAFE, 5868 Norwood Ave., 766-7774 Jazz from 7-9 p.m. every first Thur.

BOOTS-N-BOTTLES, 12405 N. Main St., Ste. 7, Oceanway, 647-7798 Full Throttle on Nov. 18 & 19. Karaoke every Tue., Thur. & Sun. with DJ Dave. Open mic every Wed. A DJ spins every Fri. & Sat. DAMES POINT MARINA, 4518 Irving Rd., 751-3043 Alex Affronti at 6 p.m. on Nov. 16. A DJ spins requests for Ladies Nite on Nov. 17. The Remedy at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18. Johnson Creek Fingers at 3 p.m., Spektra at 8 p.m. on Nov. 19. Black Creek Risin at 4 p.m. on Nov. 20 FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4073 Big Engine every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. ’70s every Tue. RIVERCITY ISLAND GRILL & CHILL, 13141 City Station Drive, 696-0802 Live music every weekend SKYLINE SPORTSBAR & LOUNGE, 5611 Norwood Ave., 517-6973 Bigga Rankin & Cool Running DJs every Tue. & 1st Sun. Fusion Band & DJ every Thur. DJ Scar spins every Sun. THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Al Poindexter hosts open mic at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17. Alaina Colding at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18. Lauren Fincham at 7 p.m. on Nov. 19. Goliath Flores at 1 p.m. on Nov. 20 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 Open mic at 8 p.m. every Thur. Woodie & Wyatt C. every Fri. Live music at 8 p.m. every Sat. To be listed here, send all the vitals — time, date, location with street address, city, admission price and contact number — to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email events@folioweekly.com.

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 45

46 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 47

Leader of the Pack Riot Grrl legend Kathleen Hanna on zines, scenes and feminist things ZINES: THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL Saturday, Nov. 19 Panel discussion at 11 a.m.; Kathleen Hanna speaks at noon Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Jacksonville 630-2665

B

ack when people wrote actual letters, I sent one to Kathleen Hanna, former singer for Bikini Kill, whose three imperfectly perfect albums in the ’90s set a sonic standard for the 21st century. Between her sound and the band’s overall fury, Hanna helped establish the continuity that ensured “girl singers” could do what they want, however they want to do it. What was next? I wondered. She sent back a package with some of the zines she was working on.

After her Bikini Kill tenure, Hanna remerged as Julie Ruin, with the left-wing electroclash of Le Tigre. The original rebel girl is now an established veteran of all aspects of media, and at age 42 is one of the most influential women of her generation. Since 1991, Hanna has appeared on two dozen releases ranging from solo work to collaborations with other well-known artists — everyone from Ian MacKaye to Joan Jett. She’s also the subject of two documentary features, “The Punk Singer” and “Who Took the Bomp?

Le Tigre On Tour.”

Hanna’s first visit to Northeast Florida comes by invitation of the Jacksonville Public Library, where she’ll sit on a panel convened for curators of the library’s zine collection. Other panelists for the 2011 Zine Symposium include author, musician and local college art professor Mark Creegan, artist/author Adee Roberson (pineappleblack.blogspot.com), and zine writer Travis Fristoe (whose credits include Maximum RocknRoll, Library Journal and Gainesville’s Civic Media Center). (I’m also a panelist, chiefly as a fan of all their work.)

Hanna delivers the keynote address for the event. Fittingly, we caught up with the everbusy Hanna via the zine of the 21st Century: the Internet.

Folio Weekly.: Do you think that the Internet killed the zine trade, or somehow made it better?

Kathleen Hanna: I think the Internet gave certain obscure zines a place in the modern landscape they never would’ve had without it.

Having said that, it is annoying to me when people buy older zines and then scan them and put some pages up [online] without the author’s permission. They lose their original context that way, and often zines that were written in a specific time and place come off as overarching and ahistorical when, really, they were responding to specific things that were going on in local scenes at the time. Zines kind of were our blogs before blogs existed; they were meant to be quick and rough and local and not overworked. If we wanted to write books that were more permanent, we would’ve, but we didn’t. They were meant to be ephemeral and function in a specific time period.

48 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

“It’s pretty hard to come up with a unified list of feminist ‘do’s and don’ts,’ and I personally hate that way of thinking. I am way more into allowing women to define feminism for themselves.”

F.W.: What are your thoughts on Occupy Wall Street?

K.H.: I think it’s great. I am pretty inspired by what young people do in general (not like it’s all young people, but it seems like quite a few young people were the instigators). It is interesting to me when people criticized it in the beginning, claiming it was all young, middle-class people, and I was, like, “They are the ones who can manage to physically be down there sleeping on the bricks, and so they are, and that’s awesome, not a bummer!”

F.W.: Is it possible for women to take positions that contradict the larger feminist community, while retaining feminist credentials?

K.H.: It’s pretty hard to come up with a unified list of feminist “do’s and don’ts,” and I personally hate that way of thinking. I am way more into allowing women to define feminism for themselves. More arguments, more questions, more disagreements — this is what leads to a vital movement, not lists and rules.

F.W.: Which of your recordings do you find most representative of your aesthetic?

K.H.: I am most proud of the Rebel Girl 7” that Bikini Kill did and the first Le Tigre album. The song “Hot Topic” on that album is very much indicative of my aesthetic. Poppy, yet still DIY, with a big nod to the past.

F.W.: Who are the Riot Grrrls of today?

K.H.: Brontez Purnell of The Younger Lovers is my favorite modern riot girl.

Also the women who run the website internationalgirlgangunderground.com.

F.W.: Why have you not appeared in Jacksonville till now?

K.H.: I don’t really know why. It was always hard to book stuff in Florida for some reason.

Le Tigre played in Gainesville and Miami, but BK never played Florida at all.

Shelton Hull themail@folioweekly.com

PERFORMANCE

PICASSO AT THE LAPIN AGILE The Foundation Academy stages Steve Martin’s comedy about an encounter between Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17, 18 and 19 and at 2 p.m. on Nov. 20 at 3675 San Pablo Road S., Jacksonville. 241-3515.

URINE TOWN Douglas Anderson School of the Arts stages the musical comedy about NYC at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17, 18 and 19 at the school’s theater, 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville.

346-5620.

SUPERIOR DONUTS Chicago playwright Tracy Letts’ comedy about a young man intent on success is staged at 8 p.m. on Nov. 17, 18 and 19 on the Studio Stage, Players by the Sea, 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach. Tickets are $20; $17 for students, seniors and military. 249-0289.

NANA’S NAUGHTY KNICKERS Orange Park Community Theatre stages Katherine DiSavino’s raucous comedy about a lingerie business at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 and 19 at 2900 Moody Ave., Orange Park. Tickets are $15. 276-2599.

MY FAIR LADY This classic musical about the importance of enunciation is staged at 8 p.m. Nov. 16-20 and 21, at 1:15 p.m. on Nov. 19 and 2 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville. The show runs through Nov. 27. Tickets range from $42-$49. 641-1212.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

PLAYWRIGHTS WANTED The Limelight Theatre and St. Augustine 450th Youth Ambassadors seek playwrights to pen five-minute monologues reflecting the role of young people in the development of St. Augustine’s history. Chosen scripts are performed in the 2012 production, “Young Voices from the Old City.” The deadline is Nov. 25. Winners are announced on Dec. 9. Submissions are mailed to 450th Script Writing Project, Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine FL 32084. 825-1164 ext. 16. Submissions in Word document and .pdf form are e-mailed to youngvoices450@gmail.com ZINES: THE PERSONAL IS POLITICAL This symposium celebrating zine culture features a panel discussion at 11 a.m. and keynote speaker Kathleen Hanna at noon on Nov. 19 at Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. 630-2665.

LECTURE AT MOCA JAX Sculptor Gustavo Godoy discusses his installation, “Empty Altar/Empty Throne,” at 2 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Museum of Contemporary Art, 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville. 366-6911.

AUDITIONS IN OLDEST CITY The Limelight Theatre holds auditions, for its production of “Harvey,” at 2 p.m. on Dec. 10 at 11 Old Mission Avenue, St. Augustine. The cast includes roles for six men and six women, both ages 20-70s. The show runs Jan. 19-Feb. 12. 825-1164.

HASTINGS FEST SEEKS ARTISTS The Historic Hastings Art Festival is accepting paintings in all mediums, representing the artist’s view toward the life and work of Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, for a juried show during the Dec. 3 event. No entry fee. 692-2031.

NORTH FLORIDA CONSERVATORY OF MUSIC This school invites musicians of all skill levels and any instrument to join the community orchestra every Mon. at 6:30 p.m. and concert band every Tue. at 6:30 p.m. at 11363 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. 374-8639.

CALL TO ARTISTS Jacksonville Fine Arts Festival seeks original poster artwork for its festival held in Avondale’s Boone Park on March 24 and 25. The winning submission gets a free 10x10 exhibitor’s space. Send 300 dpi submissions, including name and media, to cookied@ix.netcom.com HAND DRUMMING CLASSES Midnight Sun offers classes from 7:30-8:30 p.m. every Fri. at 1055 Park St., Jacksonville.

Class fee is $10. 358-3869.

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

PHILIP GLASS RECITAL, DISCUSSION Peter and Helen Morin discuss the works of late-20th-century composers and present a performance of a Philip Glass concerto at 7 p.m. on Nov. 15 in Flagler College’s Flagler Room, 74 King St., St. Augustine. Tickets are $6. 797-2800.

INTERCOLLEGIATE JAZZ FESTIVAL College jazz bands compete at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 15 at Wilson Center for the Arts, FSCJ South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville.

646-2222.

JU SENIOR CHOREOGRAPHY CONCERT This student recital is featured at 5:30 and 8:30 p.m. on Nov. 17 and 18 and at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Jacksonville University’s Swisher Theater, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville. Tickets are $10; $7 for seniors and military; $5 for students. 256-7677.

FALL WIND BAND CONCERT The UNF Woodwind Ensembles perform at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 17 at University of North Florida’s Lazzara Performance Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville.

Tickets are $10. 620-2878.

MOZART’S JUPITER SYMPHONY The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra presents Mozart’s masterwork at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 17 and at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 and 19 at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Jacksonville. Tickets range from $16-$70. 354-5547.

DUO AT FRIDAY MUSICALE Violinist Sean Lee and pianist Rohan De Silva perform at 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Jacksonville. 355-7584.

YING QUARTET The Beaches Fine Arts Series presents this acclaimed chamber ensemble at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 18 at St. Paul’s by-the-Sea Episcopal Church, 465 11th Ave N., Jax Beach.

Paintings by Mary St. Germain are on display during the concert. 270-1771.

CONNIE JAMES Jazz vocalist James performs “Cabaret Theatre – The Great American Songbook” at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 at ThrasherHorne Center for the Arts, St. Johns River State College, 283 College Drive, Orange Park.

Tickets are $25. 276-6750.

EARL KLUGH & NNENNA FREELON Jazz guitarist Klugh and vocalist Freelon perform at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville. Tickets are $25; $10 for students. 389-6222. riversidefinearts.org A SERENADE FOR SCHUBERT The Island Chamber Singers perform this concert of works by Schubert at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 and at 3 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Amelia Plantation Chapel, 36 Bowman Road, Fernandina Beach. Tickets are $15; $5 for students. 277-7195.

CLASSICAL AT UNITARIAN Cellist Jeanne Huebner, harpsichordist Henson Markham and recorderists Rob and Anne McKennon perform Sammartini’s “Sonata for Two Recorders” at 10:45 a.m. on Nov. 20 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville. 725-8133.

WIND ENSEMBLE The JU Chamber Winds Concert is featured at 3 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville.

256-7677.

JAZZ VESPERS St. Cyprian’s Episcopal Church holds candlelight Jazz Vespers at 5:30 p.m. on the third Sun. of each month, including Nov. 20, at 37 Lovett St., St. Augustine.

829-8828.

BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS Members of the UNF Orchestra perform selections from Bach at 6 p.m. on Nov. 20 at the Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Jacksonville. 387-5691.

VIOLIN RECITAL Violinist Philip Pan plays at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 21 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Drive, Jacksonville. 620-2878.

WINTER JAZZ NIGHT CONCERT Students from DASOTA and LaVilla School of the Arts team up to present this seasonal concert at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 22 at Douglas Anderson School of the Arts’ Theater, 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville.

346-5620.

JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Trumpeter Ray Callender and guitarist Taylor Roberts appear at 7 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., Jacksonville. 388-9551.

JAZZ AT TREE STEAKHOUSE Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville.

262-0006.

JAZZ AT GENNARO’S Gennaro’s Ristorante Italiano features live jazz at 7:30 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at 5472 First Coast Highway, Fernandina Beach. 491-1999.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie features live jazz nightly at 7 p.m. at 66 Hypolita St., St. Augustine. 825-0502.

ART WALKS & FESTIVALS

FLAGLER CREATES! FESTIVAL Flagler students, faculty, staff, alumni and Flagler families sell original artwork, jewelry and clothing from 11 a.m.-4 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Flagler College’s West Lawn at the corner of Sevilla and Valencia streets, St. Augustine. Food, raffles and live music are featured. Proceeds benefit the Flagler College Annual Fund. 819-6249.

ST. AUGUSTINE ARTS & CRAFT FESTIVAL This festival, featuring arts and crafts, is held from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on Nov. 19 and 10 a.m.-4 p.m. on Nov. 20 at St. Johns County Fishing Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach.

461-0119, (352) 344-0657.

NORTH BEACHES ART WALK Galleries of Atlantic and Neptune beaches are open late, from 5-9 p.m., on the third Thur. of each month at various venues from Sailfish Drive in Atlantic Beach to Neptune Beach and Town Center. For a list of participating galleries, call 249-2222.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts & crafts and local produce are offered every Fri. from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive. 353-1188.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET The Arts Market is held from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. beneath the Fuller Warren Bridge on Riverside Avenue, Jacksonville and features local and regional artists, strolling performers, bands and a farmers market. Admission is free. 554-6865, 389-2449. riversideartsmarket.com

The opening reception for the exhibit “A Woman’s World,” featuring works

by Megan Cosby, Christina Foard, Louise Freshman Brown (pictured, from her “Doll Series”) Sara Pedigo and Amy Vigilante, is held on Nov. 17 from 5:30-8 p.m. at C Gallery, located in Daryl Bunn Studios, 643 Edison Ave., Jacksonville. The show runs through January. 525-3368.

MUSEUMS

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530. Julie Lequin’s installation, “Top 30,” is on display through Nov. 24.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville, 356-6857. The education-themed exhibit, “One in Three: Let’s Solve Our Dropout Crisis,” is displayed through Dec. 20.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Jacksonville, 356-2992. “Darwin: The Origin of Species” is on display through Dec. 27. The permanent collection includes a variety of rare manuscripts. Open Tue.-Fri., 10 a.m.-3 p.m.; Sat. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 366-6911. The Annual UNF Art & Design Faculty Exhibition is on display from Nov. 17-Jan. 22. Project Atrium features sculptor Gustavo Godoy’s installation “Empty Altar/Empty Throne” through March 11.

The 200-piece photographic collection “Shared Vision: The Sondra and Celso Gonzalez-Falla Collection of Photography” and “Larry Clark: The Tulsa Series” are displayed through Jan. 8. mocajacksonville.org RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville, 632-5555. An exhibit of works by African-American photographer E.L. Weems is on display through Dec. 30. An exhibit celebrating local African-American athletes and sports figures, “More Than a Game: African-American Sports in Jacksonville, 1900-1975,” is currently on display. Admission is $8 for adults, $5 for children, students and seniors. Open Tue.-Sun.

GALLERIES

ALEXANDER BREAST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Jacksonville, 256-7677.

The annual Juried Student Exhibition runs through Dec. 7.

AMELIA SANJON GALLERY 218A Ash St., Fernandina Beach, 491-8040. Anthony Whiting’s exhibit, “Wild Bird Paintings,” is on display through Dec. 30.

THE ART CENTER PREMIER GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Jacksonville, 355-1757. An Abstract Art Exhibit by TAC members is on display through Nov. 29.

THE ART CENTER II 229 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville, 355-1757. “Introspection, Self Portrait Art Show” is on display through Nov. 29.

AVONDALE ARTWORKS 3568 St. Johns Ave., Jacksonville, 384-8797. Milt Shirley’s exhibit, “Florida Wetlands,” is featured through Nov. 17.

BEE GALLERY & DESIGN STUDIO The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Ste. 108, 419-8016. The erotic photography of Neal Rue is featured through Nov. BETHEL GALLERY Ponte Vedra Presbyterian Church, 4510 Palm Valley Road, Ponte Vedra, 285-7241. Acrylic artist Ellen Jones’ religious-themed exhibit, “Nehemiah, Servant & Leader,” is on display through Jan. 3.

BRILLIANCE IN COLOR 25 King St., St. Augustine, 810-0460.

The exhibit “Frederick Hart: A Singular and Major Force” is on display through Nov. 30.

C GALLERY Daryl Bunn Studios, 643 Edison Ave., Jacksonville, 525-3368. The opening reception for the exhibit, “A Woman’s World,” featuring works by Megan Cosby, Christina Foard, Louise Freshman Brown, Sara Pedigo and Amy Vigilante, is held from 5:30-8 p.m. on Nov. 17. The exhibit runs through Jan. DOUGLAS ANDERSON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS 2445 San Diego Road, Jacksonville, 346-5620. Students’ work, in various media, is featured in the exhibit “New Beginnings,” on display through Dec. 2.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. The 12th annual Holiday Ornament Show is on display through Dec. 24. Photographer Mark Kowal’s exhibit, “Say It With Photography,” runs through Jan. 3.

FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Road, Jacksonville.

535-7252. Multimedia artist “Tonya Lee: All Smiles” is on display through Dec. 6.

GALLERY 1037 Reddi-Arts, 1037 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville, 398-3161. The Jacksonville Artists Guild presents the juried exhibit “Presence” through Dec. HASKELL GALLERY Jax International Airport, 14201 Pecan Park Road, 741-3546. Recent paintings by Ginny Elliot and Suzi Berg are on display through Jan. 9.

HIGH TIDE GALLERY 51 Cordova St., St. Augustine, 829-6831. The work of 40 artists is represented during the “Night of Lights Celebration” from 5-9 p.m. on Nov. 19.

JAXPORT GALLERY 2831 Talleyrand Ave., Jacksonville, 357-3052. Nadine Terk’s “Gilded Landscapes” is displayed through Nov. 18.

P.A.ST.A FINE ARTS GALLERY 214 Charlotte St., St. Augustine, 824-0251. Oil painter Sandra Pierce shows her work, in the exhibit “Color Encounter,” through Nov. PLUM ART & DESIGN 9 Aviles St., St. Augustine, 825-0069.

Mary Lou Gibson, Robert Renwick, Sara Pedigo and David Engdahl are the featured artists through Dec. 31.

SOUTH GALLERY FSCJ’s South Campus, 11901 Beach Blvd., Jacksonville, 646-2023. The exhibit “The Sherwin Series: Works by Joelle Dietrick” runs through Nov. 23.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 6 E. Bay St., Jacksonville, 438-4358.

The gallery celebrates its second anniversary all this month.

SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY Screen Arts, 228 W. King St., St. Augustine. 829-2838. An exhibit of painter Scott Dupree’s work is on display through Dec. 2.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., St. Augustine, 824-2310. The Jacksonville Watercolor Society Exhibit runs through Nov. 27.

STUDIO 121 121 W. Forsyth St., Ste. 100, Jacksonville, 292-9303. This artist-run gallery features works by Joyce Gabiou, Paul Ladnier, Robert Leedy and others.

VANDROFF ART GALLERY Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville, 730-2100. Paintings by Ann McGlade are on display through Nov. 23.

W.B. TATTER STUDIO GALLERY 76 A San Marco Ave., St. Augustine, 823-9263. Wendy Tatter’s works are featured.

For a complete list of galleries, log on to folioweekly.com. To list your event, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print to Dan Brown, 9456 Philips Hwy., Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256 or email dbrown@folioweekly.com.

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 49

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50 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

FolioWeekly

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EVENTS

CRESCENT BEACH CRAWL St. Augustine’s Sertoma Club and Sandbar Pub host the 2011 Crescent Beach Crawl at noon on Nov. 19 at 7025 A1A S., St. Augustine. Barbecue, live music, a raffle, a horseshoe tourney, prizes and the chance to “crawl” and sample participating eateries’ fare are featured.

Proceeds benefit child literacy programs in St. Johns County.

471-8440, 461-4671.

STAND UP FOR AMERICA Talk-radio host Neal Boortz, political consultant Karl Rove and (at least as of press time) embattled presidential aspirant Herman Cain appear for “Stand Up For America: Debt, Taxes and You Decide 2012” at 7 p.m. on Nov. 18 at the T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 W. Water St., downtown. Tickets range from $60 to $80.

630-3900. jaxevents.com RIGHT WHALE RUN/WALK & FESTIVAL The third annual event includes a 5K run and a 2.5K walk at 9 a.m. on Nov. 19 on the beach at SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach. The endangered sea mammal is celebrated from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. with a clean-up, a silent auction, a festival and live music.

630-3420. rightwhalefestival.org EMPTY BOWLS LUNCHEON The 27th annual Empty Bowls Luncheon is held from 11 a.m.-1 p.m. on Nov. 15 at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville.

Participants pick from bowls made by area schoolchildren and senior citizens. Tickets are $25. Proceeds benefit Lutheran Social Services of Northeast Florida’s Second Harvest Food Bank. 630-4000. wenourishhope.org FOLIO WEEKLY’S MARTINIFEST Our eighth annual MartiniFest is held from 7-10 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Touchdown Club West, at EverBank Field, 1 Stadium Place, Jacksonville.

DJ Kinesis spins. Advance tickets are $25; $30 at the door (cash only). Advance VIP tickets get you in at 6 p.m. for $30; $35 at the door. 260-9770. folioweekly.com RIVERKEEPER OYSTER ROAST The 10th annual fundraiser is held from 7-11 p.m. on Nov. 18 at the Garden Club, 1005 Riverside Ave., Jacksonville. A silent auction, a live band on the outside terrace, an oyster-shucking station on the riverbank, and various campfires with outdoor seating are featured. Tickets are $125; $75 for those younger than 35. stjohnsriverkeeper.org MARSHFEST ’11 The benefit features The Palm Valley Boys, Not Unheard, Red Afternoon, Punchbuggies, Splinters, Terry Whitehead and Shades of Red Combo, performing from 10 a.m.-3 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Dutton Island Preserve, Atlantic Beach. Kayak and canoe trips and food are available for a small donation, and exhibitions, raffle prizes, fishing, and a drawing for a new kayak are featured. Proceeds benefit the efforts of Marsh Preservation Society. 247-5805.

COSMIC CONCERTS Laser Spirit at 5 p.m., LaserRetro at 6 p.m., Laser X at 7 p.m. and Laser Metallica at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 in Bryan-Gooding Planetarium, at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. 396-7062. moshplanetarium.org RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Zach Tremblay, Buddy Sherwood School of Dance and Underhill Rose appear on Nov. 19 at the market, held under the Fuller Warren Bridge at Riverside Avenue, downtown. Local and regional art and a farmers market are also featured from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. Admission is free. 554-6865. riversideartsmarket.com FLAGLER TOURS The tours are offered at 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. daily at Flagler College, located in downtown St. Augustine.

Admission is $7 for adults, $5 for St. Augustine residents and $1 for children younger than 12. 819-6400.

FLORIDA WWII EXHIBIT “Victory Begins at Home: Florida During World War II” shows Floridians in service, military recruitment and training, the German U-boat threat and rationing, at Museum of Science and History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Through Jan. 1. 396-7062. themosh.org LINCOLNVILLE FARMERS’ MARKET This new weekly market, held from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. every Sun. at 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, offers local and organic produce, baked goods, coffees, cheeses, prepared foods, crafts and jewelry at the south end of Lincolnville in Eddie Vickers Park. There’s a community garden, too. lincolnvillefarmersmaket.com

POLITICS & ACTIVISM

JACKSONVILLE JOURNEY The oversight committee of this crime-fighting initiative meets at 4 p.m. on Nov. 17 in Eighth Floor Conference Room 851, Ed Ball Building, 214 N. Hogan St., Jacksonville. 630-1273.

INTERVENE SCHOOLS COMMUNITY MEETING Duval County Public Schools and Florida Department of Education review models for improved student learning, from 6-8:30 p.m. on Dec. 8 at Ribault High School, 3701 Winton Dr., Jacksonville.

924-3722. duvalschools.org/intervene

BOOKS & WRITING

SUE GRAFTON Bestselling mystery author Sue Grafton signs copies of her book, “ ‘V’ is for Vengeance,” at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17 at

Books-A-Million, 1910 Wells Rd., Orange Park. 215-2300.

BOOK SALE The Friends of the Anastasia Island Branch Library hold the annual fall book sale from 10 a.m.-8 p.m. on Nov. 17, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. on Nov. 18 and 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on Nov. 19 at the library, 124 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine.

209-3730. sjcpls.org HARDY JONES Jones presents the film “The Dolphin Defender,” based on his book, “The Voice of the Dolphins,” at 7 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 2487 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-3541.

WRITING ON CONTRACT: GHOSTWRITING UP CLOSE The Ancient City Chapter of Florida Writers Association presents writers Jeff Swesky and Nancy Quatrano at 10:15 a.m. on Nov. 19 at the Main Library, 1960 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. 827-6940.

COMEDY

LATITUDE 30 COMEDY Ken Miller and Karen Fitzgerald are featured at 8 p.m. on Nov. 18 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside. Tickets are $13. 365-5555.

JAY PHILLIPS All Stars appear at 8 p.m. on Nov. 15. Jay Phillips appears at 8 p.m. on Nov. 16, 17 and 18 and at 8 and 10 p.m. on Nov. 19 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Road, Ramada Inn, Jacksonville. Tickets are $6-$12. 292-4242.

JACKIE KNIGHT’S COMEDY CLUB Kevin Downey Jr. and Nick Harvey appear at 8:30 p.m. on Nov. 18 and 19 at 3009 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine. Tickets are $12.

461-8843.

ORLANDO SADSARIN Sadsarin appears at 9 p.m. every Sun. at The Norm, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd., Jacksonville. 384-9929.

UPCOMING

BEARDS OF COMEDY TOUR Dec. 2, Jack Rabbits GARRISON KEILLOR Dec. 6, T-U Moran Theater COMMUNITY NUTCRACKER BALLET Dec. 9 & 10, The Florida Theatre TIM CONWAY & FRIENDS Jan. 19, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts RON WHITE: MORAL COMPASS TOUR Jan. 26, T-U Moran Theater SECOND CITY TOURING COMPANY Feb. 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JEFF DUNHAM CONTROLLED CHAOS Feb. 10, Veterans Memorial Arena LACROSSE CLASSIC Feb. 19, EverBank Field HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS March 2, Veterans Memorial Arena

NATURE, SPORTS, OUTDOORS

BEACH CLEAN-UP Keepers of the Coast need volunteers for the Keeping it Barefoot Friendly beach clean-up held from 4-6 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Mickler’s Landing Beach Park in Ponte Vedra. keepersofthecoast.org AUDUBON PROGRAM Meret Wilson discusses “The Wonders of the Tomoka River Basin” at 7:30 p.m. on Nov. 21 at Swaim Memorial United Methodist Church, 1620 Naldo Ave., Jacksonville. 403-7134.

JAGUARS VS TEXANS The Jacksonville Jaguars take on the Houston Texans at 1 p.m. on Nov. 27 at EverBank Field, 1 EverBank Place, Jacksonville. Single-game tickets for home games start at $45. 633-2000. jaguars.com UNF OSPREYS BASKETBALL University of North Florida women’s basketball team opens its 2011-’12 home season against the Savannah State Lady Tigers at 11 a.m. on Nov. 17 at UNF Arena, 4567 St. Johns Bluff Road S., Jacksonville.

Admission is $6 for adults, $4 for youth, seniors, military and UNF staff. UNF students are admitted free with Osprey 1Card.

620-2125. unf.edu/calendar FIRE: FRIEND OR FOE? A park ranger discusses how fire impacts the environment at 2 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Pumpkin Hill Creek Preserve State Park, 13802 Pumpkin Hill Road, Jacksonville, 696-5980. Discover the benefits of prescribed fire as a management tool for healthy ecosystems and as a defense tool against fires. No reservations are necessary and the program is free. 251-2320. floridastateparks.org PLAY PETANQUE Play the popular European game from 1-4 p.m. every Sun. at J. Edward “Red” Cox Recreational Facility, on Red Cox Drive near the lighthouse, St. Augustine.

All equipment and instructions provided. 537-1999. boulesdeleon@yahoo.com

BUSINESS

BUSINESS TRANSITION LECTURE Consultant Lewis Hunter discusses “A Roadmap to a Successful Business Transition” from 8-10 a.m. on Nov. 17 at UNF University Center, 12000 Alumni Drive, Jacksonville. Admission is $35. 704-5058. rocg.com SMALL BUSINESS WORKSHOP How to S-T-A-R-T-U-P

Getting right with the whales: Locals celebrate, educate and advocate for Atlantic Right whales, which are currently migrating toward their only known calving ground (here!). The third annual Right Whale Festival includes a 5K run and a 2.5K walk at 9 a.m. on Nov. 19 on the beach at SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach, followed by a beach cleanup, food and live music from 9 a.m.-4 p.m. 630-3420. rightwhalefestival.org

Your Own Business is held from 6-9 p.m. on Nov. 15 at UNF University Center, 12000 Alumni Drive, Jacksonville. Cost is $40 in advance or $50 at the door. 620-2476. sbdc.unf.edu SMALL BUSINESS OF THE YEAR AWARD The Ponte Vedra Beach Chamber of Commerce holds its annual award luncheon at 11:30 a.m. on Nov. 16 at Sawgrass Country Club, in the Sawgrass Room, 10034 Golf Club Drive, Ponte Vedra Beach. Richard Willich, president and CEO of MDI Holdings Inc., is the featured speaker. Admission is $25 for members; $30 for non-members; plus a food item or Thanksgiving basket for B.E.A.M. Reservations are required; call 285-2004.

SOUTHSIDE BUSINESS MEN’S CLUB Sheriff John Rutherford is the featured speaker at noon on Nov. 16 at San Jose Country Club, 7529 San Jose Blvd., Jacksonville. Admission is $20. For reservations, call 396-5559.

KIDS

JACKSONVILLE SUNS HOLIDAY BASEBALL CAMP The camp, open to kids ages 7-12, is held from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. on Dec. 19 and 20 at the Baseball Grounds, 301 Randolph Blvd., Jacksonville. Kids learn basics from the pros; included are lunch on both days, a collectable camp ball cap and tickets to a Suns game. Camp fee is $85. 358-2845.

MATERIALS SCIENCE EXHIBIT The hands-on exhibit, “Strange Matter,” is presented through May 13 at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville.

396-6674. themosh.org STORY HOUR Kidgits Club story hour is held at 10 a.m. on Nov. 15 and Dec. 13 at Orange Park Mall, 1910 Wells Road, Orange Park. Activities and raffle drawings are featured.

Admission is free. 269-9413.

TEEN FASHION A DIY fashion series for teens continues with a braided bracelet class at 2 p.m. on Nov. 19 at the Main Library’s teen study room, 303 N. Laura St., downtown.

Check out more fashion DIY classes through Dec. 3 at jaxpubliclibrary.org. Register by calling 630-0673.

COMMUNITY INTEREST

WOMEN’S LUNCHEON The Athena Cafe Luncheon presents Life Coaching: Journey to Tomorrow from noon-1 p.m. on Nov. 17 at FSCJ’s Advanced Technology Center, Rm. T-141, 401 W. State St., Jacksonville. Ruth Barnaby is the featured speaker. Brownbaggers are welcome; an optional catered lunch is $10. For reservations, call 256-6987.

MOSH AFTER DARK The Northeast Florida Astronomical Society offers a telescope workshop at 6 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Museum of Science & History, 1025 Museum Circle, Jacksonville. Observe celestial objects from the MOSH rooftop. Admission is $10; $5 for MOSH members. For reservations, call 396-6674, ext. 226.

FAMILY BUILDING EXPO The Jacksonville Affiliate of RESOLVE presents the expo from 8-11 a.m. on Nov. 19 at St. Luke’s Hospital auditorium, 4201 Belfort Road, Jacksonville.

Medical vendors, complementary medicine, adoption information, legal fields, support groups, entertainment and door prizes, including a free IVF cycle, are featured.

Admission is $10 in advance, $15 at the door. 465-3071. resolve.org LUNG CANCER SCREENING To mark November as Lung Cancer Awareness Month, low-dose helical CT lung scans

are offered for $99, by appointment, from 8 a.m.-5 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Orange Park Cancer Center, 2161 Kingsley Ave., Orange Park; Southside Cancer Center, 5742 Booth Road, Ste. 2, Jacksonville and Cancer Center of Putnam, 600 Zeagler Drive, Palatka. Schedule online at curinglungcancer. com or call 571-2008.

KEEP JAX BEAUTIFUL Keep Jacksonville Beautiful celebrates America Recycles Day from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on Nov. 15 at Prime Osborn Convention Center parking lot, 1000 Water St., Jacksonville. 630-3420. coj.net RITZ RUMMAGE SALE Memorabilia, posters, banners, T-shirts — all kinds of Ritz items are offered at this rummage sale held from 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Nov. 15-18 at 829 N. Davis St., Jacksonville. 632-5555.

CLASSES & GROUPS

JOB CLUB This free club is open to all active job seekers from 2-3 p.m. on Nov. 16, 23 and 30 and Dec. 7 and 14 at FSCJ’s Deerwood Center, 9911 Old Baymeadows Road, Rm. G-1708, Jacksonville. 256-6982.

FREETHOUGHT SOCIETY Author Joque Soskis discusses “King Louis XVI’s Timing was Terrible. Will ours be better?” at 6:30 p.m. on Nov. 21 at Unitarian Universalist Church, 7405 Arlington Expressway, Jacksonville. 419-8826. firstcoastfreethoughtsociety.org ADVANCED WINE ESSENTIALS The class is offered from 6-9 p.m. on Nov. 15, at a fee of $69, at UNF University Center, 12000 Alumni Drive, Jacksonville. 620-4200. unf.edu/ce Q-GROUP ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS This free, open discussion is held at 5:30 p.m. Mon.-Fri. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Jacksonville. alcoholicanonymous.org HERBAL COLD REMEDIES Using herbs for home health care remedies is discussed from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. on Nov. 19 at Maggie’s Herb Farm, 11400 C.R. 13, St. Augustine. The $35 fee includes all materials. Bring a sack lunch. 829-0722. maggiesherbfarm.com URBAN BALLET FITNESS A free community class is held at 5:45 p.m. on the first Fri. of the month at Dance Trance Studio, 214 Orange St., Neptune Beach, 246-4600. dancetrancefitness.com DEPRESSION/BI-POLAR SUPPORT ALLIANCE This support group meets from 6-7:30 p.m. every Tue. at Baptist Medical Center, 800 Prudential Drive, Jacksonville. For more information, call 616-6264 or 356-6081.

NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS Do you have a drug problem?

Maybe they can help. 358-6262, 723-5683. serenitycoastna. org, firstcoastna.org NICOTINE ANONYMOUS (NIC-A) Want to quit smoking or using other forms of nicotine? Nic-A is free, and you don’t have to quit to attend the meetings, held at 6:30 p.m. every Tue. at Quality Life Center, 11265 Alumni Way, Southside.

378-6849. nicotineanonymous.org NAR-A-NON This group meets at 8 p.m. every Tue. and Thur. at 4172 Shirley Ave., Avondale. 945-7168.

To get in this listing, email the time, date, location (street address, city) admission price and contact number to events@folioweekly.com or click the link in our Happenings section at folioweekly.com. Events are included on a spaceavailable basis.

november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 51

DINING GUIDE KEY

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer, Wine FB = Full Bar CM = Children’s Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast L = Lunch D = Dinner F = Folio Weekly distribution point Send changes to mdryden@folioweekly.com

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

52 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

EAST COAST BUFFET F A 160+ item Chinese, Japanese, American and Italian buffet. Dine in, take out. FB. L & D, Mon.Sat.; Sun. brunch. 9569 Regency Sq. Blvd. N. 726-9888. $$ KABUTO JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR Steak & shrimp, filet mignon & lobster, shrimp & scallops, a sushi bar, teppanyaki grill and traditional Japanese cuisine. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10055 Atlantic Blvd. 724-8883. $$$ LA NOPALERA Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal. 8818 Atlantic Blvd. 720-0106. $$ MEEHAN’S TAVERN F The Irish pub and restaurant serves beef and Guinness stew, Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, traditional lamb stew, jalapeño poppers, in a comfy atmosphere. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 5.

551-7076. $$ NERO’S CAFE F Traditional Italian fare, including seafood, veal, beef, chicken and pasta dishes. Weekly specials are lasagna, 2-for-1 pizza and AYCE spaghetti. CM, FB. L, Sun.; D, daily. 3607 University Blvd. N. 743-3141. $$ REGENCY ALE HOUSE & RAW BAR Generous portions and friendly service in a nautical atmosphere. Fresh fish, specialty pastas, fresh oysters and clams. BW. L & D, daily. 9541 Regency Square Blvd. S. 720-0551. $$ TREY’S DELI & GRILL F Fresh food served in a relaxed atmosphere. Burgers, Trey’s Reuben, deli sandwiches, pork, steaks, seafood, pies. Prime rib specials every Fri. night. CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 2044 Rogero Rd. 744-3690. $$ UNIVERSITY DINER F The popular diner serves familiar breakfast fare and lunch like meatloaf, burgers, sandwiches: wraps, BLTs, clubs, melts. Daily specials. BW. B & L, Sat. & Sun.; B, L & D, Mon.-Fri. 5959 Merrill Rd. 762-3433. $

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BISCOTTIS F Mozzarella bruschetta, Avondale pizza, sandwiches, espresso, cappuccino. Revolving daily specials. B, Tue.-Sun.; L & D, daily. 3556 St. Johns Ave. 387-2060. $$$ THE BLUE FISH RESTAURANT & OYSTER BAR Fresh seafood, steaks and more are served in a casual atmosphere. Halfportions are available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 3551 St. Johns Ave., Shoppes of Avondale. 387-0700. $$$ BRICK RESTAURANT F Creative all-American fare like tuna tartare, seaweed salad and Kobe burger. Outside dining. FB. L & D, daily. 3585 St. Johns Ave. 387-0606. $$$ THE CASBAH F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Middle Eastern cuisine is served in a friendly atmosphere. BW. L & D, daily.

3628 St. Johns Ave. 981-9966. $$ ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE F Gauchos carve the meat onto your plate from serving tables. FB. D, Tue.-Sun., closed Mon. 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40. 388-4884. $$$ THE FOX RESTAURANT F The Fox has been a Jacksonville landmark for 50-plus years. Owners Ian & Mary Chase serve classic diner-style fare, homemade desserts. B & L daily. 3580 St. Johns Ave. 387-2669. $ GREEN MAN GOURMET Organic and natural products, spices, teas, salts, BW. Open daily. 3543 St. Johns Ave. 384-0002. $ MOJO NO. 4 F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3572 St. Johns Ave. 381-6670. $$ ORSAY Best of Jax 2011 winner. The French/American bistro focuses on craftsmanship and service. FB. D, Tues.-Sat.;

Brunch & D, Sun. 3630 Park St. 381-0909. $$$ TOM & BETTY’S F A Jacksonville tradition for more than 30 years, Tom & Betty’s serves hefty sandwiches with classic car themes, along with homemade-style dishes. CM, FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4409 Roosevelt Blvd. 387-3311. $$ ’town F Owner Meghan Purcell and Executive Chef Scott Ostrander bring farm-to-table to Northeast Florida, offering American fare with an emphasis on sustainability. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3611 St. Johns Ave. 345-2596. $$

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 8060 Philips Hwy. 731-4300. $ BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA F Family-owned&-operated New York-style pizzeria serves hand-tossed, brick-oven-baked pizza, traditional Italian dinners, wings, subs.

Delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 10920 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 3.

519-8000. $$ CAFE CONFLUENCE F The European coffeehouse serves Italian specialty coffees and smoothies, along with paninis, salads and European chocolates. Outdoor dining. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 8612 Baymeadows Rd. 733-7840. $ CHA-CHA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT F Owner Celso Alvarado offers authentic Mexican fare with 26 combo dinners and specialty dishes including chalupas, enchiladas, burritos. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd. 737-9903. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F Chicago-style deepdish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from the Comastro family, serving authentic Windy City favorites for 25+ years.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8206 Philips Hwy. 731-9797. $$ DEERWOOD DELI & DINER F The ’50s-style diner serves malts, shakes, Reubens, Cubans, burgers, and traditional breakfast items. CM. B & L, daily. 9934 Old Baymeadows Rd. 641-4877. $$ THE FIFTH ELEMENT F Authentic Indian, South Indian and Indochinese dishes made with artistic flair. Lunch buffet includes lamb, goat, chicken, tandoori and biryani items. CM. L & D, daily. 9485 Baymeadows Rd. 448-8265. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 8650 Baymeadows Rd. 448-0500. $$ INDIA RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Extensive menu of entrées, clay-oven grilled Tandoori specialties and chicken tandoor, fish, seafood and korma. L, Mon.-Sat., D, daily.

9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8. 620-0777. $$ LARRY’S GIANT SUBS F With locations all over Northeast Florida, Larry’s piles subs up with fresh fixins and serves ’em fast. Some Larry’s Subs offer B & W and/or serve breakfast.

CM. L & D, daily. 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9 (Goodby’s Creek), 737-7740; 8616 Baymeadows Rd. 739-2498. larryssubs.com $ LEMONGRASS F Upscale Thai cuisine in a metropolitan atmosphere. Chef Aphayasane’s innovative creations include roast duckling and fried snapper. BW. R. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.Sat. 9846 Old Baymeadows Rd. 645-9911. $$ MANDALOUN MEDITERRANEAN CUISINE F The Lebanese restaurant offers authentic cuisine: lahm meshwe, kafta khoshkhas and baked filet of red snapper. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

9862 Old Baymeadows Rd. 646-1881. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The organic supermarket offers a full deli and a

Walter Coker

(In Fernandina Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE BEECH STREET GRILL Fine dining in a casual atmosphere.

The menu includes fresh local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes created with a variety of ethnic influences. Awardwinning wine list. FB. L, Wed.-Fri.; D, nightly; Sun. brunch. 801 Beech St. 277-3662. $$$ BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ F At the foot of Centre Street, the upscale restaurant overlooks the Harbor Marina. The menu includes daily specials, fresh Florida seafood and an extensive wine list. FB. L & D, daily. 1 S. Front St. 261-2660. $$$ BRIGHT MORNINGS The small café offers freshly baked goods.

B & L daily. 105 S. Third St. 491-1771. $$ CAFÉ 4750 At the Italian kitchen and wine bar, Chef de Cuisine Garrett Gooch offers roasted sea bass, frutti di mare soup, clam linguini, panatela bruschetta and fresh gelatos. Dine indoors or on the terrace. FB. B, L & D, daily. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$$ CAFÉ KARIBO F Eclectic cuisine, served under the oaks in historic Fernandina, features sandwiches and chef’s specials.

Alfresco dining. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sat.; L, Sun. & Mon. 27 N. Third St. 277-5269. $$ CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY F European-style breads, pastries, croissants, muffins and pies baked daily. 1014 Atlantic Ave. 491-4663. $ EIGHT Contemporary sports lounge offers burgers, sandwiches, wings and nachos. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Fri. & Sat. The RitzCarlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island. 277-1100. $$ ESPAÑA RESTAURANT & TAPAS Traditional Spanish and Portuguese dishes, tapas and paella served in a cozy atmosphere. BW, CM. D nightly. 22 S. Fourth St. 261-7700. $$$ FERNANDELI F Classics with a Southern touch, like a onethird-pound devil dog, Reubens and pulled pork. Sandwiches and wraps built to order from fresh cold cuts, tuna, egg and turkey salads. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 17B S. Eighth St. 261-0008. $ GENNARO’S RISTORANTE ITALIANO F Southern Italian cuisine: pasta, gourmet ravioli, hand-tossed pizzas. Specialties are margharita pizza and shrimp feast. Bread is baked on-site.

CM, BW. L & D, daily. 5 S. Second St., 261-9400. 5472 First Coast Highway, Amelia Island, 491-1999. $$ HAPPY TOMATO COURTYARD CAFE & BBQ Pulled pork sandwich, chicken salad and walnut chocolate chunk cookie, served in a laid-back atmosphere. BW. CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 7 S. Third St. 321-0707. $$ JACK & DIANE’S F Casual cafe offers steak & eggs, pancakes, Cajun scampi, etouffée, curry pizza, vegan black bean cakes, shrimp & grits, hand-carved steaks. FB. B, L & D, daily. 708 Centre St. 321-1444. $$ JOE’S 2ND STREET BISTRO Elegant island atmosphere. NY strip steak with sauces, Maine crab cakes, seafood fricassee and roast chicken penne pasta. BW. CM. D, nightly. 14 S. Second St. 321-2558. $$$ KABUKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Teppanyaki masters create your meal; plus a 37-item sushi bar.

BW. D, Tue.-Sun. Amelia Plaza. 277-8782. $$ KELLEY’S COURTYARD CAFE F She crab soup, salads, fried green tomatoes, sandwiches and wraps are served indoors or out on the patio. Vegetarian dishes are also offered. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 19 S. Third St. 432-8213. $ LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE F An innovative lunch menu includes po’boys and seafood “little plates” served in a historic house. Dinner features fresh local seafood. Nightly specials. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations recommended. 11 S. Seventh St. 432-8394. $$ MONTEGO BAY COFFEE CAFE Locally owned and operated, with specialty coffees, fruit smoothies. Dine in or hit the drivethru. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 463363 S.R. 200, Yulee. 225-3600. $ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Northernstyle pizza by the pie or the slice. Choose from more than 20 toppings. Owner-selected wines and a large beer selection. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 925 S. 14th St. 321-3400. $ THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE Organic eatery, juice bar. Extensive menu features vegetarian, vegan items. Daily specials: local seafood, free-range chicken, fresh organic produce. CM. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 833 TJ Courson Rd. 277-3141. $$ O’KANE’S IRISH PUB F Rustic, genuine Irish pub up front, eatery in back, featuring daily specials, fish-n-chips, and soups served in a sourdough bread bowl. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sun. 318 Centre St. 261-1000. $$ PEPPER’S MEXICAN GRILL & CANTINA F The family restaurant offers authentic Mexican cuisine. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 520 Centre St. 272-2011. $$ PICANTE GRILL ROTISSERIE BAR F Flavors of Peru and Latin America, served in a modern atmosphere. Authentic Peruvian cebiche and homestyle empanadas. BW, CM, TO. B, L & D daily.

464073 S.R. 200, Ste. 2, Yulee. 310-9222. $$

PLAE In Spa & Shops at Omni Amelia Island Plantation, the cozy venue offers an innovative and PLAEful dining experience. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, nightly. 277-2132. $$$ SALT, THE GRILL Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Elegant dining featuring local seafood and produce, served in a contemporary coastal setting. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. The Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Amelia Island.

491-6746. $$$$ SANDOLLAR RESTAURANT & MARINA F Dine inside or on the deck. Snow crab legs, fresh fish, shellfish dishes. FB. L & D, daily. 9716 Heckscher Dr., Ft. George Island.

251-2449. $$ SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL F Oceanfront dining; local seafood, shrimp, crab cakes, outdoor beachfront tiki & raw bar, covered deck and kids’ playground. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 277-6652. $$ THE SURF F Dine inside or on the large oceanview deck. Steaks, fresh fish, shrimp and nightly specials. Late-night menu.

FB. L & D, daily. 3199 S. Fletcher Ave. 261-5711. $$ T-RAY’S BURGER STATION F A favorite local spot; Best of Jax 2011 winner. Grilled or blackened fish sandwiches, homemade burgers. BW, TO. B & L, Mon.-Sat. 202 S. Eighth St. 261-6310. $ 29 SOUTH EATS F Part of historic Fernandina Beach’s downtown scene.

Award-winning Chef Scotty serves The crew at The Floridian serves up innovative Southern cuisine, with an emphasis on locally grown vegetables and locally caught traditional world cuisine with a modern seafood, on Cordova Street in downtown St. Augustine. twist. L, Tue.-Sat.; D, Mon.-Sat.; Sun. brunch. 29 S. Third St. 277-7919. $$

hot bar with fresh soups, quesadillas, rotisserie chicken and vegan sushi, as well as a fresh juice and smoothie bar. 11030 Baymeadows Rd. 260-2791. $ OMAHA STEAKHOUSE Center-cut beef, seafood, sandwiches served in an English tavern atmosphere. The signature dish is a 16-ounce bone-in ribeye. Desserts include crème brûlée.

FB. L & D, daily. 9300 Baymeadows Rd., Embassy Suites Hotel.

739-6633. $$ ORANGE TREE HOT DOGS F Hot dogs with slaw, chili cheese, sauerkraut; and small pizzas. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 8380 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 4. 733-0588. orangetreehotdogs.com $ PATTAYA THAI GRILLE F Traditional Thai and vegetarian items and a 40-plus item vegetarian menu served in a contemporary atmosphere. B/W. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1. 646-9506. $$ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 3928 Baymeadows Rd. 527-8649. $$ STICKY FINGERS F Memphis-style rib house specializes in barbecue ribs served several ways. FB. L & D, daily. 8129 Point Meadows Way. 493-7427. $$ UDIPI CAFE Authentic South Indian vegetarian cuisine. L & D, Tue.-Fri. 8642 Baymeadows Rd. 402-8084. $ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 9910 Old Baymeadows Rd. 641-7171. $

BEACHES

(In Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

A LA CARTE Authentic New England fare like Maine lobster rolls, fried Ipswich clams, crab or clam cake sandwich, fried shrimp basket, haddock sandwich, clam chowdah, birch beer and blueberry soda. Dine inside or on the deck. TO. L, Fri.-Tue. 331 First Ave. N. 241-2005. $$ AL’S PIZZA F Serving hand-tossed gourmet pizzas, calzones and Italian entrees for more than 21 years. Voted Best Pizza by Folio Weekly readers from 1996-2011. BW. L & D, daily. 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-0002. $ ANGIE’S SUBS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Subs are made-toorder fresh. Serious casual. Wicked good iced tea. 1436 Beach Blvd. 246-2519. $ BEACH BUDS CHICKEN F The family-owned place serves marinated fried or baked chicken: family meals (kids like Peruvian nuggets), giant tenders, in box lunches and as MiniMe sandwiches, along with gizzards, livers, 15 sides and fried or blackened shrimp, fish, conch fritters, deviled crabs. TO. L & D, daily. 1289 Penman Road. 247-2828. $ BEACHSIDE SEAFOOD RESTAURANT & MARKET F The full fresh seafood market serves seafood baskets, fish tacos, oyster baskets and Philly cheesesteaks. Dine indoors or outside. Beach delivery. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 120 S. Third St. 444-8862. $$ BLUES ROCK CAFE Oceanfront dining experience, featuring an all-American menu, including crab cakes and wings, served in a relaxed atmosphere in the heart of the Beaches. L & D, daily.

CM, FB. 831 N. First St. 249-0007. $$ BONGIORNO’S PHILLY STEAK SHOP F South Philly’s Bongiorno clan imports Amoroso rolls for Real Deal cheesesteak, Original Gobbler, clubs, wraps, burgers, dogs. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2294 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach. 246-3278. $$ BONO’S PIT BAR-B-Q F Baby back ribs, fried corn, sweet potatoes. BW. L & D, daily. 1307 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach.

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 53

Walter Coker

207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. $$ SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK F Best of Jax 2011 winner. An array of specialty menu items, including signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos and local fried shrimp, in a casual, trendy open-air space. FB, TO, CM. L & D, daily. 1018 Third St. N. 372-4456. $$ SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. 111 Beach Blvd. 482-1000. $$ SUN DOG STEAK & SEAFOOD F Eclectic American fare, art deco décor with an authentic diner feel. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach. 241-8221. $$ TACOLU BAJA MEXICANA F Fresh, Baja-style Mexican fare, with a focus on fish tacos and tequila, as well as fried cheese, bangin’ shrimp and verde chicken tacos. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1183 Beach Blvd. 249-8226. $$ TROPICAL SMOOTHIE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. With 12 locations in Northeast Florida, Tropical Smoothie’s got us covered. Serving breakfast, wraps, sandwiches, flatbreads and smoothies — lowfat, fruity, coffees, supplements. CM. Open daily. 1230 Beach Blvd., 242-4940. 251 Third St., Neptune Beach, 247-8323. $ THE WINE BAR The casual neighborhood place has a tapasstyle menu, fire-baked flatbreads and a wine selection. Tue.Sun. 320 N. First St. 372-0211. $$

DOWNTOWN

In addition to traditional Irish fare like fish and chips, Fionn Maccool’s Irish Pub also serves favorite beverages like Guinness and whiskey, in Jacksonville Beach and at their new location at The Jacksonville Landing (pictured).

270-2666. 1266 S. Third St. 249-8704. bonosbarbq.com $ BUDDHA’S BELLY F Authentic Thai dishes made with fresh ingredients using tried-and-true recipes. FB, TO. L & D, daily.

301 10th Ave. N. 372-9149. $$ BURRITO GALLERY EXPRESS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Gallery’s kid sister at the beach each is mostly take-out; same great chow, fast service. 1333 Third St. N. 242-8226. $ CAMPECHE BAY CANTINA F Homemade-style Mexican items are fajitas, enchiladas and fried ice cream, plus margaritas. FB. D, nightly. 127 First Ave. N. 249-3322. $$ CARIBBEE KEY F The island-themed menu of tasty AmeriCaribbean cuisine includes seafood, steaks and sandwiches.

Open-air deck bar upstairs; outdoor dining downstairs. FB. L & D, daily. 100 N. First St., Neptune Beach. 270-8940. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield.

2429 S. 3rd St. 372-9000. $ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 320 N. First St. 270-8565. $$ COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE F (Formerly The Homestead) The menu features Southern favorites like fried chicken, collards, biscuits and cornbread, as well as fresh seafood, steaks, burgers and chops, served in a family atmosphere inside a cozy log cabin. CM, FB. Sunday brunch; L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1712 Beach Blvd. 249-4776. $$ CRAB CAKE FACTORY JAX F Chef Khan Vongdara presents an innovative menu of seafood dishes and seasonal favorites.

FB. L & D daily. 1396 Beach Blvd., Beach Plaza. 247-9880. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner, serving burgers, sandwiches, nachos, tacos, quesadillas and cheese fries. 319 23rd Ave. S. 270-0356. $ CULHANE’S IRISH PUB Four Culhane sisters own and operate the authentic Irish pub, with faves Guinness stew, lamb sliders and fish pie. L, Fri.-Sun.; D, Tue.-Sun.; weekend brunch. FB, CM. 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 249-9595. $$ CYCLONES TEX-MEX CANTINA F The place has freshly made Tex-Mex favorites, including fajitas, enchiladas, tacos, burritos, tamales and taco salad. Lunch combos include Mexican rice and beans. FB. L & D, daily. 1222 Third St. S. 694-0488. $$ DICK’S WINGS F The NASCAR-themed place serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and salads. BW, TO. L & D daily. 2434 Mayport Road, Atlantic Beach, 372-0298. 311 N. Third St., 853-5004. $ DWIGHT’S The Mediterranean-style bistro features fresh local seafood, filet mignon, mixed grill and an extensive wine list. D, Tue.-Sat. 1527 Penman Rd. 241-4496. $$$$ ENGINE 15 BREWING COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Jax Beach restaurant serves gastropub fare like soups, salads, flatbreads and specialty sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Daily specials, too. CM, BW. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217. 249-2337. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 992 Beach Blvd. 249-3001. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Casual dining with uptown Irish flair, including fish and chips, Guinness beef stew and black-and-tan brownies. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 333 N. First St. 242-9499. $$ THE FISH COMPANY F Fresh, local seafood is served, including Mayport shrimp, fish baskets, grilled tuna and an oyster bar. L & D, daily. CM, FB. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 12, Atlantic Beach. 246-0123. $$ HALA SANDWICH SHOP & BAKERY Authentic Middle Eastern favorites include gyros, shwarma, pita bread, made fresh daily.

54 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 1451 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach.

249-2212. $$ HOT DOG HUT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. All-beef hot dogs, sausages, hamburgers, crab cakes, beer-battered onion rings and French fries. B. L, daily. 1439 Third St. S. 247-8886. $ ICHIBAN F Three dining areas: teppan or hibachi tables (watch a chef prepare your food), a sushi bar and Western-style seating offering tempura and teriyaki. FB, Japanese plum wine.

L & D, daily. 675 N. Third St. 247-4688. $$ LYNCH’S IRISH PUB The full-service restaurant offers corned beef and cabbage, Shepherd’s pie and fish-n-chips. 30+ beers on tap. FB. L, Sat. & Sun., D, daily. 514 N. First St. 249-5181. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1080 Third St. N. 241-5600. $ MEZZA LUNA F A Beaches tradition for 20-plus years.

Great food, from gourmet wood-fired pizzas to contemporary American cuisine. Inside or patio dining. Extensive wine list.

CM, FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 110 First St., Neptune Beach.

249-5573. $$$ MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Traditional slow-cooked Southern barbecue served in a blues bar atmosphere. Favorites are pulled pork, Texas brisket and slow-cooked ribs. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1500 Beach Blvd.

247-6636. $$ MONKEY’S UNCLE TAVERN F For 25-plus years, Monkey’s has served pub grub, burgers, sandwiches, seafood and wings.

Dine inside or out on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1850 S. Third St. 246-1070. $ NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Executive Chef Kenny Gilbert’s cuisine features local fare and innovative dishes, served in an island atmosphere. Dine inside or out on the tiki deck. FB. L & D, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 2309 Beach Blvd. 247-3300. $$ NORTH BEACH BISTRO Casual dining with an elegant touch, like slow-cooked veal osso buco; calypso crusted mahi mahi with spiced plantain chips. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach. 372-4105. $$$ OCEAN 60 A prix fixe menu is offered. Continental cuisine, with fresh seafood, nightly specials and a changing seasonal menu.

Dine in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. D, Mon.Sat. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 247-0060. $$$ PACO’S MEXICAN GRILL Serving Baja-style Mexican cuisine, featuring carne asada, tacos, burritos, fish tacos and shrimp burritos. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 333 First St. N. 208-5097. $ PARSONS SEAFOOD RESTAURANT F The family-style restaurant has an outdoor patio and an extensive menu, including the mariner’s platter and the Original Dreamboat. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 904 Sixth Ave. S. 249-0608. $$ THE PIER RESTAURANT F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The oceanfront restaurant offers fresh, local fare served on two floors — upstairs, it’s Chef’s Menu, with stuffed flounder, pork tenderloin, appetizers. Downstairs bar and patio offer casual items, daily drink specials. CM, FB. D, daily; L & D, weekends; brunch, Sun. 412 First St. N. 246-6454. $$ PHILLY’S FINEST F Authentic Philly-style cheesesteaks made with imported Amorosa rolls. Hoagies, wings and pizza ... cold beer, too. FB. L & D, daily. 1527 N. Third St. 241-7188. $$ RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Beaches landmark serves grilled seafood with a Cajun/Creole accent. Hand-crafted cold beer. FB. L & D, daily.

(The Jacksonville Landing venues are at 2 Independent Drive) ADAMS STREET DELI & GRILL The lunch spot serves wraps, including grilled chicken, and salads, including Greek salad. L, Mon.-Fri. 126 W. Adams St. 475-1400. $$ BURRITO GALLERY & BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Southwest cuisine, traditional American salads. Burritos and more burritos. Onsite art gallery. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-2922. $ CAFÉ NOLA AT MOCA JAX On the first floor of Museum of Contemporary Art, Cafe Nola serves shrimp and grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. FB. L, Mon.Fri.; D, Thur. 333 N. Laura St. 366-6911 ext. 231. $$ CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. The Jacksonville Landing. 354-7747. $$$ CITY HALL PUB A sports bar vibe: 16 big-screen HDTVs. Angus burgers, dogs, sandwiches, AYCE wings buffet. FB. Free downtown area lunch delivery. L & D, daily. 234 Randolph Blvd.

356-6750. $$ DE REAL TING CAFE F The popular restaurant offers a Caribbean lunch buffet Tue.-Fri. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 128 W. Adams St. 633-9738. $ FIONN MACCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT Brand new location. See Beaches. FB, CM. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176. 374-1247. $$ INDOCHINE Best of Jax 2011 winner. Serving Thai and Southeast Asian cuisine in the core of downtown. Signature dishes include favorites like chicken Satay, soft shell crab, and mango and sticky rice for dessert. BW, FB, TO. L, Mon.-Fri., D, Tue.-Sat. 21 E. Adams St. 598-5303. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE Family-owned-and-operated.

Jenkins offers beef, pork, chicken, homemade desserts. L & D, daily. 830 N. Pearl St. 353-6388. $ JULIETTE’S & J-BAR Serving dinner before (or dessert after) a show. Breakfast buffet. J-Bar serves bistro-inspired small plates. FB. Daily. Omni Hotel, 245 W. Water St. 355-6664. $$$ KOJA SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Sushi, Japanese, Asian and Korean cuisine. Indoor and outdoor dining and bar.

FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing. 350-9911. $$ NORTHSTAR SUBSTATION F This place features brick-ovenbaked pizzas, grinders, wings, Philly cheesesteaks, custom sandwiches and fries served in a laid-back setting. FB, 27 beers on draft. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 119 E. Bay St. 860-5451. $ OLIO MARKET F Freshly prepared sandwiches, salads, soups and entrées. In the Churchwell Lofts building, Olio partners eclectic tastes with Old World ambiance in a casual renovated space. L, Mon.-Fri.; late Art Walk. 301 E. Bay St. 356-7100. $$ THE SKYLINE DINING & CONFERENCE CENTER Weekday lunch includes salad bar, hot meals and a carving station. L, Mon.-Fri.; L, Sun. upon request. FB. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 3550.

791-9797. $$ VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic Italian oven-baked pasta dishes, pizza, veal, chicken and seafood items made with fresh ingredients. CM, FB. L & D, daily. The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 174. 355-0064. $$ ZODIAC GRILL F Serving Mediterranean cuisine and American favorites, with a popular lunch buffet. FB. L & D, daily.

120 W. Adams St. 354-8283. $

FLEMING ISLAND

CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILLE F See Baymeadows. 406 Old Hard Road, Ste. 106. 213-7779. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F See Riverside. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 1915 East West Pkwy., 541-0009. $ HONEY B’S CAFE Breakfast includes omelets, pancakes, French toast. Lunch offers entrée salads, quiches, build-yourown burgers. Peanut butter pie is a favorite. Tea parties every Sat. B & L, daily. 3535 U.S. 17, Ste. 8. 264-7325. $$ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100. 215-2223. $ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011

winner. See St. Johns Town Center. 1800 Town Center Pkwy.

541-1999. $ MOJO SMOKEHOUSE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. FB. L & D, daily. 1810 Town Ctr. Blvd. 264-0636. $$ WHITEY’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The renowned seafood place, family-owned since 1963, specializes in AYCE freshwater catfish. Also steaks, pastas. Outdoor waterfront dining. Come by car, boat or bike. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 2032 C.R. 220. 269-4198. $

INTRACOASTAL

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 14286 Beach Blvd. (at San Pablo Rd.) 223-0991. $ BRUCCI’S PIZZA, PASTA, PANINIS F Brucci’s offers authentic New York-style pizza, Italian pastas and desserts in a family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 36.

223-6913. $ CLIFF’S ROCKIN’ BAR-N-GRILL F Cliff’s features 8-ounce burgers, wings, steak, seafood, homemade pizza and daily specials. FB. L & D, daily. Smoking permitted. 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, Cobblestone Plaza. 645-5162. $$ ISTANBUL MEDITERRANEAN & ITALIAN CUISINE F A varied menu offers European cuisine including lamb, beef and chicken dishes, as well as pizza and wraps. BW. L & D, daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 26. 220-9192. $$ JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE & STEAKHOUSE F The menu includes wings, hamburgers, Ahi tuna and handcut steaks. CM, FB. Daily. 13170 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 22. 220-6766. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Family-ownedand-operated, serving authentic Mexican cuisine, like tamales, fajitas, pork tacos, in a casual family atmosphere. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 14333 Beach Blvd. 992-1666. $ MILANO’S RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA Homemade Italian cuisine, breads, pizzas, calzones and specialty dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 646-9119. $$ THAI ORCHID F The restaurant serves authentic Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, including pad Thai, Thai curry dishes and rice dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 12620 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4. 683-1286. $$ TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL F Wings, gourmet pizza, fresh seafood and specialty wraps. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5. 223-6999. $$ TKO’S THAI HUT F The menu offers Thai fusion dishes, curry dishes, chef’s specials, healthy options and sushi. Dine inside or on the covered patio. FB. L & D, daily. 13500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 46. 647-7546. $$

JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS

BLACKSTONE GRILLE The menu blends flavors from a variety of cultures and influences for modern American fusion cuisine, served in a bistro-style setting. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri., D, Sat.; Sun. brunch. 112 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 102. 287-0766. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F See Intracoastal. 540 S.R. 13, Ste. 10, Fruit Cove. 287-8317. $$ HAPPY OURS SPORTS GRILLE F Wings, big salads, burgers, wraps and sandwiches. Sports events on HDTVs. CM, FB. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 101. 683-1964. $ PIZZA PALACE F See San Marco. 116 Bartram Oaks Walk.

230-2171. $ VINO’S PIZZA Vino’s Pizza – with four Jacksonville locations – makes all their Italian and American dishes with fresh ingredients. L & D, daily. 605 S.R. 13, Ste. 103. 230-6966. $ WAKAME JAPANESE & THAI CUISINE F The fine dining restaurant offers authentic Japanese and Thai cuisine, including a full sushi menu, curries and pad dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, Ste. 108. 230-6688. $$

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 11190 San Jose Blvd. 260-4115. $ AW SHUCKS F The seafood place features an oyster bar, steaks, seafood, wings and pasta. Favorites are ahi tuna, shrimp & grits, oysters Rockefeller, pitas and kabobs. Sweet potato puffs are the signature side. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9743 Old St. Augustine Rd. 240-0368. $$ THE BLUE CRAB CRABHOUSE F A Maryland-style crabhouse featuring fresh blue crabs, garlic crabs, and king, snow and Dungeness crab legs. FB, CM. D, Tue.-Sat.; L & D, Sun. 3057 Julington Creek Rd. 260-2722. $$ BROOKLYN PIZZA F The traditional pizzeria serves New Yorkstyle pizza, specialty pies, and subs, strombolis and calzones.

BW. L & D, daily. 11406 San Jose Blvd. 288-9211. 13820 St. Augustine Rd. 880-0020. $ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Springfield. L & D, daily. 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd. 619-8186. $$ CLARK’S FISH CAMP F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Clark’s has steak, ribs, AYCE catfish dinners, 3-pound prime rib. Dine in, out or in a creek-view glass-enclosed room. FB. D, Mon.-Fri.; L & D, Sat. & Sun. 12903 Hood Landing Rd. 268-3474. $$ DON JUAN’S RESTAURANT F Authentic Mexican dishes prepared daily from scratch, served in a casual atmosphere.

FB, CM. L & D, daily. 12373 San Jose Blvd. 268-8722. $$ GIGI’S RESTAURANT Breakfast buffet daily, lunch buffet weekdays. The Comedy Zone (Best of Jax 2011 winner) has an appetizer menu. FB. B, L & D, daily. I-295 & San Jose Blvd.

(Ramada Inn). 268-8080. $$ (Fri. & Sat. buffet, $$$)

Advertising pro

this is a copyright protected pro GOLDEN CORRAL Family-friendly place; legendary buffet featuring familiar favorites and new items. B, L & D, daily.

11470 San Jose Blvd. 886-9699. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F See Southside. 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd. 288-8890. $$ HARMONIOUS MONKS The American-style steakhouse features a 9-oz. choice Angus center-cut filet topped with gorgonzola shiitake mushroom cream sauce, 8-oz. gourmet burgers, fall-off-the-bone ribs, wraps, sandwiches. FB. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30. 880-3040. $$ KOBE JAPANESE RESTAURANT The fusion-style sushi restaurant offers oyster shooters, kobe beef shabu-shabu, Chilean sea bass and filet mignon. BW & sake. L & D, daily.

11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 8. 288-7999. $$ LET’S NOSH F The authentic Jewish deli offers a full breakfast, lunch, brunch and full-service deli counter. Real New York water bagels, bread baked on site and desserts. CM. B & L, daily. 9850 San Jose Blvd. 683-8346. $ MAMA FU’S ASIAN HOUSE MSG-free pan-Asian cuisine prepared to order in woks using fresh ingredients. Authentic Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese and Thai dishes. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 11105 San Jose Blvd. 260-1727. $$ MANDARIN ALE HOUSE Laid-back atmosphere; 30-plus beers on tap. FB. L & D, daily. 11112 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 19.

292-0003. $$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco.

12807 San Jose Blvd. 638-6185. $$ NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Organic supermarket with full deli and salad bar serving wraps, quesadillas, chopped salads, vegetarian dishes.

Fresh juice and smoothie bar. Indoor and outdoor seating.

Mon.-Sat. 10000 San Jose Blvd. 260-6950. $ PICASSO’S PIZZERIA F Specializes in hand-tossed gourmet pizza, calzones, homemade New York-style cheesecake and handmade pasta. Fresh local seafood and steaks. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 10503 San Jose Blvd. 880-0811. $$ SIMPLE FAIRE F Breakfast and lunch favorites, featuring Boar’s Head meats and cheeses served on fresh bread. Daily specials. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3020 Hartley Rd. 683-2542. $$ TANK’S FAMILY BAR-B-Q Owned and operated by the Tankersley family, the barbecue place offers made-fromscratch Southern-style fare, featuring their own sauces. CM, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 11701 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 23. 351-8265. $$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. L & D, daily. 4268 Oldfield Crossing Dr. 268-6660. $ WHOLE FOODS MARKET F 100+ prepared items at a fullservice and self-service hot bar, soup bar, dessert bar. Madeto-order Italian specialties from a brick oven pizza hearth. L & D, daily. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 22. 288-1100. $$

ORANGE PARK

ARON’S PIZZA F The family-owned restaurant offers eggplant dishes, manicotti and New York-style pizza. BW, CM, TO. L & D daily. 650 Park Ave. 269-1007. $$ BLU TAVERN F The restaurant, serving global cuisine, has an upscale feel with a casual atmosphere. Favorites include bread pudding and specialty appetizers. Blu also serves pasta dishes, burgers, seafood, pork, beef and steaks. CM, FB. L & D, daily; B, Sat. & Sun. only. 1635 Wells Rd. 644-7731. $$ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F For 18-plus years, the sports-themed family restaurant has served wings, ribs, entrees, sandwiches.

FB. L & D, daily. 9680 Argyle Forest Blvd. 425-6466. $$ THE HILLTOP CLUB She-crab soup, scallops, prime beef, wagyu beef, chicken Florentine, stuffed grouper. Chef Nick’s salmon is a favorite. FB. D, Tue.-Sat. 2030 Wells Rd. 272-5959. $$ JOEY MOZARELLAS The Italian restaurant’s specialty is a 24-slice pizza: 18”x26” of fresh ingredients and sauces made daily. CM, TO. L & D, daily. 930 Blanding Blvd. 579-4748. $$ PASTA MARKET & CLAM BAR F Family-owned-andoperated. Gourmet pizza, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. The pastas: spaghetti, fettuccine, lasagna, calzones, linguini, ravioli, made with fresh ingredients, homemade-style.

Daily specials. CM, BW, sangria. 1930 Kingsley Ave. 276-9551.

D, nightly. $$ POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA F Pizzas are baked in coal-fired ovens. Popular pizzas include Health Choice and Mozzarella.

Coal-fired sandwiches and wings, too. BW. L & D, daily. 2134 Park Ave. 264-6116. $$ THE ROADHOUSE F Burgers, wings, deli sandwiches and popular lunches are served. FB. L & D, daily. 231 Blanding Blvd.

264-0611. $ THAI GARDEN F Traditional Thai cuisine made with fresh ingredients, served in a relaxed atmosphere. Curry dishes and specialty selections with authentic Thai flavors. BW. L, Mon.Fri.; D, nightly. 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. A. 272-8434. $$

PONTE VEDRA, NE ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA F See Beaches. BW. L & D, daily. 635 A1A. 543-1494. $ AQUA GRILL Upscale cuisine includes fresh seafood, Angus steaks, Maine lobster, vegetarian dishes. Outdoor patio seating. FB. L, Mon.-Sat.; D, nightly. 950 Sawgrass Village Dr. 285-3017. $$$ BRUCCI’S PIZZA F Authentic New York-style pizza, Italian

For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. rUn dAte: 111511 FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655

pastas, paninis, desserts. Family atmosphere. CM. L & D, daily.

880 A1A, Ste. 8. 280-7677. $$ CAFFE ANDIAMO Traditional Italian cuisine features fresh promise seafood, veal, homemade pastas and wood-fi red pizza of benefit prepared in a copper clad oven. An extensive wine list is offered in a cosmopolitan atmosphere. Dine indoors or Out on the terrace. L & D, daily. 500 Sawgrass Village. 280-2299. $$$ LULU’S WATERFRONT GRILLE F On the Intracoastal Waterway, LuLu’s can be reached by car or by boat. Seafood, steaks and pasta dishes with a sophisticated flair. FB. L & D, daily; Sun. brunch. 301 N. Roscoe Blvd. 285-0139. $$ NINETEEN AT TPC SAWGRASS In Sawgrass’ Tournament Players Club, Nineteen features more than 230 wines and freshly prepared American and Continental cuisine, including local seafood, served inside or al fresco on the verandah. L & D, daily. 110 Championship Way. 273-3235. $$$ PUSSER’S BAR & GRILLE F Freshly prepared Caribbean cuisine, including red snapper Ponte Vedra Jamaican grilled pork ribs and barbecued salmon tower. Tropical rum drinks feature Pusser’s Painkiller. FB. L & D, daily. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100. 280-7766. L, $$; D, $$ RESTAURANT MEDURE Chef Matthew Medure offers eclectic cuisine featuring local and imported seafood with Southern and Asian influences. F/B. D, Mon.-Sat. 818 A1A N. 543-3797. $$$ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 8141 A1A. 285-0014. $$$$ 619 OCEAN VIEW Dining with a Mediterranean touch, featuring fresh seafood, steaks and nightly specials. FB, CM. D, Wed.-Sun. 619 Ponte Vedra Blvd., Cabana Beach Club.

285-6198. $$$ URBAN FLATS Ancient world-style flatbread is paired with fresh regional and seasonal ingredients in wraps, flatwiches and entrées, served in a casual, urban atmosphere. An international wine list is offered. FB. L & D, daily. 330 A1A N. 280-5515. $$

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RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AJ’S ON PARK STREET F AJ’s is a casual barbecue spot serving smoked St. Louis-style ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, seafood and dishes made with a Latin touch. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 630 Park St. 359-0035. $$ AL’S PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 1620 Margaret St. 388-8384. $ BAKERY MODERNE F The neighborhood bakery offers classic pastries, artisanal breads, seasonal favorites, all made from scratch, including popular petit fours and custom cakes. B & L, daily. 869 Stockton St., Ste. 6, Riverside. 389-7117. $ CARMINE’S PIE HOUSE F The Italian eatery serves pizza by the slice, gourmet pizzas, appetizers, classic Italian dishes — calzone, stromboli, subs, panini — wings, and microbrews in a casual atmosphere. BW, CM, TO. 2677 Forbes St. 387-1400. $$ COOL MOOSE F Classic sandwiches, eclectic wraps and desserts. An extensive gourmet coffee menu with Green Mountain coffees and frozen coffee drinks. B & L, daily. Brunch, Sun. 2708 Park St. 381-4242. $ CROSS CREEK See Springfield. 850 S. Lane Ave. 783-9579. $$ EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 2753 Park St. 384-9999. $ GATOR’S DOCKSIDE F See Orange Park. 6677 103rd St., Westside, 777-6135. $$ GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET F A deli, organic and natural grocery, and juice & smoothie bar offers teas, coffees, gourmet cheeses; natural, organic and raw items. Grab-and-go sandwiches, salads and sides. Craft beers, organic wines. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat.; L, Sun. 2007 Park St. 384-4474. $ HJ’S BAR & GRILL Traditional American fare: burgers, sandwiches, wraps and platters of ribs, shrimp and fish. CM, FB. L & D, Sat. & Sun., D, Mon.-Fri. 8540 Argyle Forest Blvd., Ste. 1. 317-2783. $$ HOVAN MEDITERRANEAN GOURMET F Dine inside or on the patio. Mediterranean entrées include lamb, and beef gyros. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 2005-1 Park St. 381-9394. $ JACKSONS GRILL The locally owned spot’s original menu has fried pickle chips, Rockin’ Ranch burgers, gumbo, sandwiches.

BW, TO. B, L & D, daily. 1522 King St. 384-8984. $$ JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILL F A Riverside tradition, serving 60+ fresh deli and grill items, including hot sandwiches. L, Mon.-Fri. 474 Riverside Ave. 356-8055. $ KICKBACKS GASTROPUB F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood hot spot serves pub favorites 20 hours a day, every day. The full bar has over 655 bottled beers, 84 on tap.

Outdoor seating. CM. 910 King St. 388-9551. $$ MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BBQ Smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs. Homemade-style sides include green beans, baked beans, red cole slaw, collards. BW, CM. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551. $$ MOON RIVER PIZZA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Amelia Island. 1176 Edgewood Ave. S. 389-4442. $ MOSSFIRE GRILL F Southwestern menu with ahi tuna tacos, goat cheese enchiladas and gouda quesadillas. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily. 1537 Margaret St. 355-4434. $$ O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB F Innovative Irish fare and traditional faves are offered, like lambburger with Stilton crust, Guinness mac & cheese, Shepherd’s pie and fish-n-chips — plus 18 beers on tap. L, daily except Mon.; D, daily. CM, FB. 1521 Margaret St. 854-9300. $$

© 2011

© 2011

NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 55

GRILL ME! A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT BIZ

NAME: Victor Kandah

Walter Coker

RESTAURANT: The Olive Tree Mediterranean Grille, 1705 Hendricks Ave., San Marco BIRTHPLACE: Tel-Aviv, Israel YEARS IN THE BUSINESS: 20 FAVORITE RESTAURANT (OTHER THAN MY OWN): Carrabas FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Mediterranean FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Garlic, olive oil and sumac spice.

IDEAL MEAL: Squash stuffed with rice, meats, tomato base and select spices, served with Lebanese Kasara red wine.

WOULDN’T EAT IF YOU PAID ME: Pickled pigs feet.

CRAZIEST RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE: At a Northeast Chinese restaurant, the server was nodding her head but didn’t know what we were ordering. My wife got upset.

INSIDER’S SECRET: Fresh is best.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING AT OLIVE TREE: Jags players, Channel 4 personalities and public officals.

CULINARY GUILTY PLEASURE: Namora, a great Mediterranean dish.

PERARD’S PIZZA & ITALIAN CUISINE F Traditional Italian fare is prepared with fresh sauces and dough made from scratch daily, along with a large selection of gourmet pizza toppings. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 11043 Crystal Springs Rd., Ste. 2. 378-8131. $ PERFECT RACK BILLIARDS F Upscale billiards hall has burgers, steak, deli sandwiches, wings. Family-friendly, nonsmoking. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 1186 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill. 738-7645. $ PIZZA PALACE ON PARK F See San Marco. Outdoor seating.

920 Margaret St., 5 Points. 598-1212. $$ SAKE HOUSE F Japanese grill and sushi bar features sushi, sashimi, katsu, tempura, hibachi and specialty rolls. CM, BW, sake. L & D, daily. 824 Lomax St. 301-1188. $$ SUMO SUSHI F Authentic Japanese fare, traditional to entrees and sushi rolls, spicy sashimi salad, gyoza (pork dumpling), tobiko (flying fish roe), Rainbow roll (tuna, salmon, yellowtail, Calif. roll). BW, CM. L & D, daily. 2726 Park St. 388-8838. $$ SUSHI CAFÉ The café in Riverside Publix Plaza features a variety of sushi, including the popular Monster Roll and the Jimmy Smith Roll, along with faves like Rock-n-Roll and Dynamite Roll. Sushi Café also offers hibachi, tempura, katsu and teriyaki. BW. Dine indoors or on the patio. L & D, daily.

2025 Riverside Ave. 384-2888. $$ TASTI D-LITE Health-conscious desserts include smoothies, shakes, sundaes, cakes and pies, made with fresh ingredients with fewer calories and less fat. More than 100 flavors. Open daily. 1024 Park St. 900-3040. $ 13 GYPSIES F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The neighborhood eatery is intimate and casual, serving tapas, shrimp dishes, salads and pressed sandwiches made from scratch. BW. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 887 Stockton St. 389-0330. $$ TWO DOORS DOWN F Former Tad’s owner offers traditional faves: hotcakes, omelets, burgers, pork chops, liver & onions, fried chicken, sides and desserts. CM, TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 436 Park St. 598-0032. $ WALKERS The nightspot has a tapas menu plus a wide variety of wines, served in a rustic, intimate atmosphere. BW. Tue.-Sat. 2692 Post St. 894-7465. $ WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE buffet. Sushi bar, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, tempura, steak, seafood. BW. L & D, daily. 1014 Margaret St., Ste. 1, 5 Points. 301-1199. $$

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS F The Ancient City’s only brew pub taps seven hand-crafted ales and lagers. A1A specializes in innovative New World cuisine. FB. L & D, daily. 1 King St. 829-2977. $$ AMICI ITALIAN RESTAURANT F A family-owned-andoperated Italian restaurant offers traditional pasta, veal, steak and seafood dishes. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 1915B A1A S., St. Augustine Beach. 461-0102. $$ ANN O’MALLEY’S F Fresh handmade sandwiches, soups, salads and perfectly poured Guinness. Favorites include Reubens and chicken salad. CM, BW, Irish beers on tap. L & D, daily. 23 Orange St. 825-4040. $$ BARNACLE BILL’S F For 30 years, the family restaurant has served seafood, oysters, gator tail, steak and fried shrimp. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily; 14 Castillo Drive, 824-3663. $$ THE BLACK MOLLY BAR & GRILL Fresh, local seafood, steaks and pasta dishes in a casual atmosphere. FB, CM. L & D daily.

504 Geoffrey St., Cobblestone Plaza. 547-2723. $$ BORRILLO’S PIZZA & SUBS F Specialty pizzas are Borrillo’s Supreme (extra cheese, pepperoni, sausage), white and vegetarian pizzas. Subs and pasta dinners. L & D, daily. 88 San

56 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

Marco Ave. 829-1133. $ CAFÉ ATLANTICO Traditional and new Italian dishes served in an intimate space. Master Chef Paolo Pece prepares risotto alla pescatora, with shrimp, scallops and seasonal shellfish, in a parmesan cheese basket. BW. D, nightly. 647 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-7332. $$$ CAFÉ ELEVEN F Serving eclectic cuisine like feta spinach egg croissant, apple turkey sandwich, pear-berry salad. Daily chef creations. BW. B, L & D, daily. 501 A1A Beach Blvd. 460-9311.

B, $; L & D, $$ CAP’S ON THE WATER F The Vilano Beach mainstay offers coastal cuisine – tapas platters, cioppino, fresh local shrimp, raw oyster bar – indoors or on an oak-shaded deck. Boat access. FB. L, Fri.-Sun., D, nightly. 4325 Myrtle St., Vilano Beach. 824-8794. $$ CARMELO’S PIZZERIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Authentic New York style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh baked sub rolls, Boars Head meats and cheeses, fresh salads, calzones, strombolis and sliced pizza specials. BW. L & D, daily. 146 King St. 494-6658. $$ CELLAR 6 ART GALLERY & WINE BAR Wolfgang Puck coffees, handmade desserts and light bistro-style fare amid local art.

BW. Mon.-Sat. 6 Aviles St. 827-9055. $$ CREEKSIDE DINERY Creekside serves beef, chicken and seafood, with an emphasis on low-country cooking. Outdoor deck with a fire pit. FB. D, nightly. 160 Nix Boatyard Rd. 829-6113. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches. 3 St. George St. 824-6993. $ THE FLORIDIAN The downtown restaurant serves innovative Southern fare, made with local farmers’ local food. Signature items: fried green tomato bruschetta, ’N’grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. L & D, Wed.-Mon. 39 Cordova St. 829-0655. $$ GYPSY CAB COMPANY F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

International menu features large portions, reasonable prices.

FB. L & D, daily. 828 Anastasia Blvd. 824-8244. $$ HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE F In a historic, two-story house, the New Orleans-style eatery has fresh seafood, steaks, jambalaya, etouffée and shrimp. FB. L & D, daily. 46 Avenida Menendez. 824-7765. $$ KINGFISH GRILL At Vilano Bridge’s west end, Kingfish Grill offers casual waterside dining indoors and on the deck, featuring fresh daily catch, house specialties and sushi. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 252 Yacht Club Drive. 824-2111. $$ KINGS HEAD BRITISH PUB F Authentic Brit pub serves fish & chips, Cornish pastie and steak & kidney pie. Tap beers are Guinness, Newcastle and Bass. BW. L & D, Wed.-Sun. 6460 U.S. 1 (4 miles N. of St. Augustine Airport.) 823-9787. $$ THE MANATEE CAFÉ F Serving healthful cuisine using organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains and legumes. B & L, daily. 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 106, Westgate Plaza. 826-0210. $ MANGO MANGO’S BEACHSIDE BAR & GRILL F Caribbean kitchen has comfort food with a tropical twist: coconut shrimp and fried plantains. BW, CM. Outdoor dining. 700 A1A Beach Blvd., (A Street access) St. Augustine Beach. 461-1077. $$ MILL TOP TAVERN F A St. Auggie institution housed in an 1884 building, serving nachos, soups, sandwiches and daily specials. Dine inside or on open-air decks. At the big mill wheel. FB. L & D, daily. 19 1/2 St. George St. 829-2329. $$ OASIS RESTAURANT & DECK F Just a block from the ocean, with a tropical atmosphere and open-air deck. Steamed oysters, crab legs, burgers. CM, FB. B, L & D, daily. 4000 A1A & Ocean Trace Rd., St. Augustine Beach. 471-3424. $ THE PRESENT MOMENT CAFÉ Best of Jax 2011 winner. The cozy café serves organic, vegan and vegetarian dishes, pizza, pastas, hummus and milkshakes — all prepared without meat,

dairy, wheat or an oven. Organic BW. TO. B, L & D, Mon.-Sat. 224 W. King St. 827-4499. $ PURPLE OLIVE INTERNATIONAL BISTRO F Family-ownedand-operated, offering specials, fresh artisan breads. Soups, salad dressings and desserts made from scratch. BW. D, Tue.Sat. 4255 A1A S., Ste. 6, St. Augustine Beach. 461-1250. $$ RAINTREE Located in a Victorian home, Raintree offers a menu with contemporary and traditional international influences. Extensive wine list. FB. D, daily. 102 San Marco Ave. 824-7211. $$$ THE REEF RESTAURANT F Casual oceanfront place with a view from every table. Fresh local seafood, steak, pasta dishes and daily chef specials. Outdoor dining. FB, CM, TO. L & D daily.

4100 Coastal Hwy. A1A, Vilano Beach. 824-8008. $$ SOUTH BEACH GRILL Located off A1A, south of the S.R. 206 bridge, the two-story beachy destination offers casual oceanfront dining and fresh local seafood. Dine indoors or out on a beachfront deck. FB. B, L & D daily. 45 Cubbedge Road, Crescent Beach. 471-8700. $ SPY GLOBAL CUISINE & LOUNGE In the historic district, Spy features James Bond-themed sushi and Mediterraneaninfluenced global cuisine on the seasonal menu, including fresh — never frozen — Hawaiian seafood. Dine indoors or out on the patio. Upstairs lounge, too. Great selection of chilled sakes.

BW, CM. D, nightly. 21 Hypolita St. 819-5637. $$$ SUNSET GRILLE Casual Key West style, seafood-heavy menu — it’s a consistent Great Chowder Debate winner. Specialties include baby back ribs, lobster ravioli, coconut shrimp and datil pepper wings with bleu cheese dressing. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

421 A1A Beach Blvd. 471-5555. $$$ THE TASTING ROOM, WINE & TAPAS Owned by Michael Lugo, the upscale contemporary Spanish restaurant fuses innovative tapas with an extensive wine list. L, Wed.-Sun.; D, nightly. 25 Cuna St. 810-2400. $$

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER, TINSELTOWN

BLACKFINN AMERICAN GRILLE With four dining rooms, BlackFinn offers classic American fare: beef, seafood, pasta, chicken, flatbread sandwiches. Dine indoors or on the patio.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 4840 Big Island Dr. 345-3466. $$ CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR F Casual fine dining.

The menu blends modern American favorites served with international flair. FB. L & D, Tue.-Sun. 9823 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 1. 619-1931. $$$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11. 646-2874. $ FIVE GUYS BURGERS & FRIES Best of Jax 2011 winner. 13249 City Square Dr., 751-9711. 9039 Southside Blvd., 538-9100.

4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 401, 996-6900. $ THE FLAME BROILER Serving food with no transfat, MSG, frying, or skin on meat. Fresh veggies, steamed brown or white rice along with grilled beef, chicken and Korean short ribs are featured. CM, TO. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Circle, Ste. 103. 619-2786. $ THE GRAPE BISTRO & WINE BAR F More than 145 wines, and gourmet tapas for pairing. Wide beer selection. L & D, daily.

10281 Midtown Parkway, Ste. 119. 642-7111. $$ ISLAND GIRL WINE & CIGAR BAR F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Upscale tropical vibe. Walk-in humidor, pairing apps and desserts with 25 wines, ports by the glass. 220+ wines by the bottle; draft, bottled beer. L & D, daily. 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115. 854-6060. $$ JOHNNY ANGELS F The menu reflects its ’50s-style décor, including Blueberry Hill pancakes, Fats Domino omelet, Elvis special combo platter. Shakes, malts. B, L & D, daily. 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 120. 997-9850. $ LIBRETTO’S PIZZERIA & ITALIAN KITCHEN F Authentic NYC pizzeria serves Big Apple crust, cheese and sauce, along with third-generation family-style Italian classics, fresh-from-theoven calzones, and desserts in a casual, comfy setting. L & D, daily. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 402-8888. $$ LIME LEAF F Authentic Thai cuisine: fresh papaya salad, pad Thai, mango sweet rice. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 9822 Tapestry Park Cir., Stes. 108 & 109. 645-8568. $$ MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Tossed spring water dough, lean meats, veggies and vegetarian choices make up specialty pizzas, hoagies and calzones. FB. L & D, daily. 9734 Deer Lake Court (at Tinseltown). 997-1955. mellowmushroom.com $ MITCHELL’S FISH MARKET F A changing menu of more than 180 items includes cedar-roasted Atlantic salmon and seared salt-and-pepper tuna. FB, CM. L & D, daily. 5205 Big Island Dr., St. Johns Town Ctr. 645-3474. $$$ MOCHI FROZEN YOGURT Best of Jax 2011 winner. Non-fat, low-calorie, cholesterol-free frozen yogurt is served in flavors that change weekly. Toppings include a variety of fruit and nuts.

4860 Big Island Dr. 807-9292. $ THE ORIGINAL PANCAKE HOUSE F The recipes, unique to the Pancake House, call for only the freshest ingredients. CM. B, L & D, daily. 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr. 997-6088. $$ OTAKI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE F Family-owned with an open sushi bar, hibachi grill tables and an open kitchen. Dine indoor or out. FB, CM, TO. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 7860 Gate Parkway, Stes. 119-122. 854-0485. $$$ RENNA’S PIZZA F Renna’s serves up New York-style pizza,

calzones, subs and lasagna made from authentic Italian recipes. Delivery, CM, BW. 4624 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 125, St. Johns Town Center. 565-1299. rennaspizza.com $$ SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY F Innovative menu of fresh local grilled seafood, sesame tuna, grouper Oscar, chicken, steak and pizza. Microbrewed ales and lagers. FB. L & D, daily. 9735 Gate Pkwy. N. 997-1999. $$ SOUTHSIDE ALE HOUSE F Steaks, seafood, sandwiches. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 9711 Deer Lake Court. 565-2882. $$ STEAMERS CAFE F Steamers’ menu has all-natural and organic items, including wraps, sandwiches, subs, soups, steamer bowls, smoothies and fresh juices. Daily lunch specials. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4320 Deerwood Lake Parkway, Ste. 106. 646-4527. $ SUITE Best of Jax 2011 winner. St. Johns Town Center premium lounge and restaurant offer chef-driven small plates and an extensive list of specialty cocktails, served in a sophisticated atmosphere. FB. D & late-nite, nightly. 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1. 493-9305. $$ TAVERNA YAMAS The Greek restaurant serves char-broiled kabobs, seafood and traditional Greek wines and desserts. FB. L & D daily. 9753 Deer Lake Court. 854-0426. $$ URBAN FLATS F See Ponte Vedra. CM. FB. L & D, daily. 9726 Touchton Road. 642-1488. $$ WASABI JAPANESE STEAKHOUSE & SUSHI BAR F Authentic Japanese cuisine, teppanyaki shows and a full sushi menu.

CM. L & D, daily. 10206 River Coast Dr. 997-6528. $$ WHISKY RIVER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. At St. Johns Town Center’s Plaza, Whisky River features wings, pizza, wraps, sandwiches and burgers served in a lively car racing-themed atmosphere (Dale Earnhardt Jr.’s the owner). FB. CM. L & D, daily. 4850 Big Island Drive. 645-5571. $$ WILD WING CAFÉ F Serving up 33 flavors of wings, as well as soups, sandwiches, wraps, ribs, platters and burgers. FB. 4555 Southside Blvd. 998-9464. $$ YUMMY SUSHI F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Teriyaki, tempura, hibachi-style dinners, sushi & sashimi. Sushi lunch roll special. BW, sake. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

998-8806. $$

SAN JOSE

ATHENS CAFÉ F Serving authentic Greek cuisine: lamb, seafood, veal and pasta dishes. BW. L & D, daily. 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7. 733-1199. $$ CRUISERS GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Beaches.

5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1. 737-2874. $ DICK’S WINGS F NASCAR-themed family style sports place serves wings, buffalo tenders, burgers and chicken sandwiches. CM. BW. L & D, daily. 1610 University Blvd. W. 448-2110. dickswingsandgrill.com $ MOJO BAR-B-QUE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The Southern Blues kitchen serves pulled pork, brisket and North Carolinastyle barbecue. TO, BW. L & D, daily. 1607 University Blvd. W. 732-7200. $$

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL THAI & SUSHI F Offering Thai cuisine, including pad Thai and curry dishes, and sushi in a relaxing atmosphere. L & D, Mon.-Sat. BW. 1004 Hendricks Ave. 674-0190. $$ b.b.’s F Best of Jax 2011 winner. A bistro menu is served in an upscale atmosphere, featuring almond-crusted calamari, tuna tartare and wild mushroom pizza. FB. L & D, Mon.-Fri.; brunch & D, Sat. 1019 Hendricks Ave. 306-0100. $$$ BISTRO AIX F French, Mediterranean-inspired fare, awardwinning wines, wood-fired pizzas, house-made pastas, steaks, seafood. Indoor, outdoor dining. FB. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, nightly. 1440 San Marco Blvd. 398-1949. $$$ CHECKER BBQ & SEAFOOD F Chef Art Jennette serves barbecue, seafood and comfort food, including pulled-pork, fried white shrimp and fried green tomatoes. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 3566 St. Augustine Rd. 398-9206. $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Big sandwiches, soups, desserts and more than 100 bottled and on-tap beers. BW. L & D, daily. 1704 San Marco Blvd.

398-9500. $ THE GROTTO F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Wine by the glass. Tapas-style menu offers a cheese plate, empanadas bruschetta, chocolate fondue. BW. 2012 San Marco Blvd.

398-0726. $$ HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR LOUNGE F Authentic Latin American fine dining: picadillo, ropa vieja, churrasco tenderloin steak, Cuban sandwiches. L & D, Mon.-Sat. CM, FB. 2578 Atlantic Blvd. 399-0609. $ LAYLA’S OF SAN MARCO Fine dining in the heart of San Marco. Traditional Middle Eastern cuisine, served inside or outside on the hookah and cigar patio. BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat.; D, Sun. 2016 Hendricks Ave. 398-4610. $$ MATTHEW’S Chef’s tasting menu or seasonal à la carte menu featuring an eclectic mix of Mediterranean ingredients. Dress is business casual, jackets optional. FB. D, Mon.-Sat. 2107 Hendricks Ave. 396-9922. $$$$ METRO DINER F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Historic 1930s diner offers award-winning breakfast and lunch. Fresh seafood and Southern cooking. Bring your own wine. B & L, daily. 3302 Hendricks Ave. 398-3701. $$ MORTON’S, THE STEAKHOUSE Morton’s specializes in

Advertising proof generous portions of USDA prime aged beef as well as fresh fish and lobster. The tableside menu presentation features every item described by the server. FB, TO. D, nightly. 1510 Riverplace Blvd. 399-3933. $$$ THE OLIVE TREE MEDITERRANEAN GRILLE F Mediterranean homestyle healthy plates: hummus, tebouleh, grape leaves, gyros, potato salad, kibbeh, spinach pie, Greek salad, daily specials. L & D, Mon.-Fri. 1705 Hendricks Ave. 396-2250. $$ PIZZA PALACE F All homemade from Mama’s awardwinning recipes: spinach pizza and chicken-spinach calzones.

BW. L & D, daily. 1959 San Marco Blvd. 399-8815. $$ PULP F The juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt, teas, coffees; 30 kinds of smoothies, with flavored soy milks, organic frozen yogurt, granola. Daily. 1962 San Marco Blvd.

396-9222. $ RUTH’S CHRIS STEAK HOUSE Consistent Best of Jax winner.

Midwestern prime beef, fresh seafood, upscale atmosphere.

FB. D, daily. 1201 Riverplace Blvd. 396-6200. $$$$ SAKE HOUSE See Riverside. 1478 Riverplace Blvd. 306-2188. $$ SAN MARCO DELI F Independently owned & operated classic diner serves grilled fish, turkey burgers. Vegetarian options. Mon.-Sat. 1965 San Marco Blvd. 399-1306. $ TAVERNA Tapas, small-plate items, Neapolitan-style woodfired pizzas and entrées are served in a rustic yet upscale interior. BW, TO. L & D, Tue.-Sat. 1986 San Marco Blvd.

398-3005. $$$ VINO’S PIZZA F See Julington. The San Marco location offers a lunch buffet. L & D, daily. 1430 San Marco Blvd.

683-2444. $

SOUTHSIDE

AROMAS BEER HOUSE Offers customer favorites like ahi tuna with a sweet soy sauce reduction, backyard burger, triple-meat French dip. FB. L & D, daily. 4372 Southside Blvd.

928-0515. $$ BISTRO 41° F Casual dining features fresh, homemade breakfast and lunch dishes in a relaxing atmosphere. TO. B & L, Mon.-Fri. 3563 Philips Hwy., Ste. 104. 446-9738. $ BLUE BAMBOO Contemporary Asian-inspired cuisine includes rice-flour calamari, seared Ahi tuna, pad Thai. Street eats: barbecue duck, wonton crisps. BW. L, Mon.-Fri.; D, Mon.-Sat. 3820 Southside Blvd. 646-1478. $$ BOMBA’S SOUTHERN HOME COOKING F Southern homestyle fare, featuring fresh veggies. Outside dining is available. CM, FB. L & D, daily. 8560 Beach Blvd. 997-2291. $$ BUCA DI BEPPO Italian dishes served family-style in an eclectic, vintage setting. Half-pound meatballs are a specialty.

CM, FB. L & D, daily. 10334 Southside Blvd. 363-9090. $$$ CITY BUFFET CHINESE RESTAURANT F An extensive selection of Chinese fare, including beef, fish, crabs, chicken, pork, desserts, ice cream, at its all-you-can-eat buffet. BW, CM. L & D, daily. 5601 Beach Blvd. 345-2507. $ EL POTRO F Family-friendly, casual, El Potro cooks it fresh, made-to-order – fast, hot, simple. Daily specials and buffet at most locations. BW. L & D, daily. 5871 University Blvd. W., 7330844. 11380 Beach Blvd., 564-9977. elpotrorestaurant.com $ EUROPEAN STREET F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See San Marco. 5500 Beach Blvd. 398-1717. $ GENE’S SEAFOOD F Serving fresh Mayport shrimp, fish, oysters, scallops, gator tail, steaks and combos. L & D, daily.

11702 Beach Blvd. 997-9738. $$ HALA CAFE & BAKERY F A local institution since 1975

serving house-baked pita bread, kabobs, falafel and daily lunch buffet. TO, BW. L & D, Mon.-Sat. 4323 University Blvd.

S. 733-5141. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 2025 Emerson St. 346-3770. $ LA NOPALERA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. See Intracoastal.

8206 Philips Hwy. 732-9433. $ SPECKLED HEN TAVERN & GRILLE F The stylish gastropub promise oftwist: benefit has Southern-style cuisine made with a modern Dishes are paired with international wines and beers, including a large selection of craft and IPA brews. FB. L & D, daily. 9475 Philips Hwy., Ste. 16. 538-0811. $$ SUNSET 30 TAVERN & GRILL F Best of Jax 2011 winner.

Located in Latitude 30, Sunset 30 serves familiar favorites, including seafood, steaks, sandwiches, burgers, chicken, pasta and pizza. Dine inside or on the patio. FB. L & D, daily.

10370 Philips Hwy. 365-5555. $$ TOMMY’S BRICK OVEN PIZZA F Premium New York-style pizza from a brick-oven — the area’s original gluten-free pizzeria. Plus calzones, soups and salads; Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses and Boylan soda. BW. L & D, Mon.Sat. 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2. 565-1999. $$ URBAN ORGANICS The local produce co-op offers seasonal fresh organic vegetables and fruit. Open Mon.-Sat. 5325 Fairmont St. 398-8012.

WASABI JAPANESE BUFFET F AYCE sushi and two teppanyaki grill items are included in buffet price. FB. L & D, daily. 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C. 363-9888. $$

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SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

BOSTON’S RESTAURANT & SPORTSBAR F A full menu of sportsbar faves; pizzas till 2 a.m. Dine inside or on the patio. FB, TO. L & D, daily. 13070 City Station Dr., River City Marketplace. 751-7499. $$ CASA MARIA F Best of Jax 2011 winner. The family-owned restaurant serves authentic Mexican fare, including fajitas and seafood. The specialty is tacos de azada. CM, FB. L & D, daily.

12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104. 757-6411. $$ JENKINS QUALITY BARBECUE See Downtown. 5945 New Kings Rd. 765-8515. $ JOSEPH’S PIZZA & ITALIAN RESTAURANT F Gourmet pizzas, pastas. Authentic Italian entrees. BW. L & D, daily.

7316 N. Main St. 765-0335. $$ MILLHOUSE STEAKHOUSE F A locally-owned-and-operated steakhouse with choice steaks from the signature broiler, and seafood, pasta, Millhouse gorgonzola, homemade desserts.

CM, FB. D, nightly. 1341 Airport Rd. 741-8722. $$ RIVERCITY ISLAND GRILL & CHILL F Casual fare: seafood, wings, burgers. 10 hi-def TVs, drink specials, club nights. L & D, daily. 13141 City Station Dr. 696-0802. $$ SALSARITA’S FRESH CANTINA F Southwest cuisine made from scratch; family atmosphere. CM, BW. L & D, daily. 840 Nautica Dr., Ste. 131, River City Marketplace. 696-4001. $ THREE LAYERS CAFE F Best of Jax 2011 winner. Lunch, bagels, desserts, and the adjacent Cellar serves fine wines.

Inside and courtyard dining. BW. B, L & D, daily. 1602 Walnut St., Springfield. 355-9791. $ 3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILL F Salads, sandwiches, pizza, fine European cuisine. Nightly specials. 2467 Faye Rd., Northside. 647-8625. $$ UPTOWN MARKET F In the 1300 Building at the corner of Third & Main, Uptown serves fresh fare made with the same élan that rules Burrito Gallery. Innovative breakfast, lunch and deli selections. BW, TO. 1303 Main St. N. 355-0734. $$

© 2011

FolioWeekly

WINE TASTINGS ANJO LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Thur. 9928 Old Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-2656 AROMAS CIGAR & WINE BAR Call for schedule. 4372 Southside Blvd., 928-0515 BLUE BAMBOO 5:30-7:30 p.m., every first Thur. 3820 Southside Blvd., 646-1478 BLU TAVERN 6-8 p.m. every last Tue. 1635 Wells Rd., Orange Park, 644-7731 COPPER TOP SOUTHERN AMERICAN CUISINE 6-8 p.m. every Wed. 1712 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 249-4776 DAMES POINT MARINA Every 3rd Wed. 4518 Irving Rd., Northside, 751-3043 THE GIFTED CORK Tastings daily. 64 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 810-1083 THE GRAPE 5-7:30 p.m. every Wed.; 1-4 p.m. every Sat. 10281 Midtown Pkwy., Ste. 119, SJTC, 642-7111 THE GROTTO 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726 MONKEY’S UNCLE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1850 S. Third St., Jax Beach, 246-1070 NORTH BEACH BISTRO 6-8 p.m. every Tue. 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 OCEAN 60 6-8 p.m every Mon. 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060

O’KANE’S IRISH PUB 6:30 p.m. every 3rd Tue. 318 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 261-1000 PUSSERS CARIBBEAN GRILL 6 p.m. every second Fri. 816 A1A N., Ste. 100, Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766 RIVERSIDE LIQUORS 5-8 p.m. every Fri. 1035 Park St., Five Points, 356-4517 THE TASTING ROOM 6-8 p.m. every first Tue. 25 Cuna St., St. Augustine, 810-2400 TASTE OF WINE Daily. 363 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, Atlantic Beach, 246-5080 III FORKS PRIME STEAKHOUSE 5-6:30 p.m. every Mon. 9822 Tapestry Circle, Ste. 111, SJTC, 928-9277 TOTAL WINE & MORE Noon-6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. 4413 Town Center Pkwy., Ste. 300, 998-1740 URBAN FLATS 5-8 p.m. every Wed. 330 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-5515 WHOLE FOODS MARKET 6 p.m. every Thur. 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 288-1100 THE WINE BAR 6-8 p.m. every Thur. 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0211 WINE WAREHOUSE 4-7 p.m. every Fri. 665 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 246-6450 4434 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 448-6782 1188 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 389-9997 4085 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach, 471-9900

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NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011 | FOLIO WEEKLY | 57

FolioW

Meat Cute

“You eat meat, so why not blood?” asked The Globe and Mail, which sampled several Toronto restaurants’ sanguinary haute cuisines, including the Italian eatery Buca’s spaghetti with blood-blackened noodles and torta di sanguinaccio (figs, almonds, buffalo-milk creme, on a base custard of dark chocolate and slow-cooked pig’s blood). Patrons “thought we were crazy,” said chef Rob Gentile, but now “can’t seem to get enough.” The Black Hoof restaurant uses 10 liters of fresh blood a week for dishes like its blood custard, seasoned with rosemary and pickled pears. Montreal’s DNA kitchen highlights blood soup and blood pasta. The Noma in Copenhagen, Denmark — thought by some to be the best in the world — marinates cauliflower in pig’s blood.

The Continuing Crisis

© 2011

FolioWeekly

“I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. And you’re not going to get me to get it,” warned Marine squadron commander Lt. Col. Jerry Turner (to a Wall Street Journal Afghanistan reporter in Oct.), when learning some of his troops were sporting artistically shaped eyebrows sculpted by a barber in the town of Shinwar. “Stylist” Gulam Farooq can’t practice on Muslims (forbidden) but said “one or two” Marines stop in daily (in between calling in artillery barrages) for tapering.

The Military Times news service, reporting from Afghanistan in August, disclosed a U.S. Marines command directive ordering troops to restrain their audible flatus because, apparently, offended Afghan soldiers and civilians complained. The reporter doubted the directive could be effective; passing gas by front-line troops is “practically a sport.”

A street market vendor in Leipzig, Germany, was revealed in September to be shamelessly selling personally tailored coats and vests made with fur from house cats. A first report, in sensationalist tabloid Bild, was doubted, but a follow-up by Germany’s premier news source, Spiegel, confirmed it. The vendor said he needed eight cats to make a vest (for $685) and 18 for a coat. Such sales are illegal under German and European Union laws, however, and the vendor subsequently denied he sold such things.

Family Values

Recurring Theme: Italian men are notorious “bamboccionis” (“big babies”) who exploit doting mothers by staying in the family home well into adulthood, sometimes into their 30s or later, expecting meals and laundry service.

Many mothers are tolerant, but in September, an elderly couple in the town of Mestre announced (through a consumer association) that if their 41-year-old, gainfully employed son did not meet a deadline for leaving, the association would file a lawsuit to evict him.

A news update has not been found, perhaps indicating the son moved out.

Cutting-Edge Tactics

58 | folio weekly | november 15-21, 2011

Crime-Fighting: In October, about 120 professional mimes began voluntarily patrolling the traffic-congested Sucre district of Caracas, Venezuela, at Mayor Carlos Ocariz’s request. The white-gloved mimes’ specialty was wagging their fingers at scofflaw motorists and pedestrians, and mimes interviewed by the Associated Press reported improvements.

At least 300 professional clowns from Mexico and Central America, in Mexico City for an October convention, demonstrated against nationwide drug-cartel violence by laughing, in unison, nonstop, for 15 minutes.

They were likely less successful than the mimes.

Parenting: Freemon Seay, 38, was arrested in Thurston County, Wash., in October on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon after disciplining his 16-year-old daughter for leaving home without his approval. Seay allegedly forced the girl to suit up in armor and helmet, with a wooden sword, to fight him (also in armor, with a wooden sword) for over two hours until she could no longer stand up.

Seay’s wife (the girl’s stepmother) was booked as an accessory, said by deputies to have been supportive of her husband’s “Renaissance fair” enthusiasm (which the dad called a “lifestyle”).

Bright Ideas

In Malone, N.Y., in September, Clyde Gardner, 57, was sentenced to five-to-15 years in prison for trying to murder his ex-girlfriend, twice. First, he was going to dress in a recently skinned bear’s hide (walking on its paws, so as not to leave shoe prints) and “maul” her with the claws. Ditching that plan, he promised a friend $15,000 to kill the woman in a car crash.

Since Gardner (pictured) was a demolition derby driver, he offered expert instructions.

The friend turned Gardner in.

Awesome! Never underestimate drug smugglers’ ingenuity. ABC News reported from Nogales, Ariz., in October, that smugglers had dug tunnels from Nogales, Mexico, under the border to Nogales, Ariz., engineered perfectly to end along International Street’s metered parking spaces. Vans with false bottoms were parked in certain spaces (and meters were fed); smugglers in the vans broke through the pavement to meet the tunnelers, and the drugs were loaded. Still parked, the vans’ crews repaired the pavement, and the vans departed. “[U]nbelievable,” said the Arizona city’s mayor.

Armed and Clumsy (All-New!)

People Who Shot Themselves Recently: Two men — a 23-year-old in Fayetteville, N.C.; June, and a 22-year-old in Seminole, Fla.; Oct., accidentally shot themselves in the head while trying to assure friends their guns posed no danger. A firearms instructor shot himself in the thigh during his recertification class at the Smith & Wesson facility in Springfield, Mass.; Sept. A man on a first date at Ruth’s Chris Steak house in Charlotte, N.C., accidentally shot himself in the leg as he was escorting his date to the car; Sept. And as usual, at least one man (a 27-year-old in Chandler, Ariz.) paid the price for inartfully using his waistband as a holster, causing a “groin” injury; Aug. Milwaukee police secured a search warrant to photograph Otis Lockett’s penis as evidence that he was illegally in possession of a gun (as a felon), by showing he had accidentally shot off nearly all of his organ in July.

Chuck Shepherd WeirdNews@earthlink.net

MISTER HEAVENLY You: Blonde with Miami hat on backwards, arm sleeve. You kept looking, then stood by me but never spoke. Don't be shy. I never make first moves.

Me: Well, you know; you stared long enough ;) When: Nov. 8, 2011. Where: Café 11, St. Auggie. #1221-1115 VEXING VOLCOM A little after 9 pm. You: Wearing a black Volcom hoodie, and wearing it well. Me: Noticing nothing but you. Wondering if you’d like to bump into me there again Sunday, Nov 13th about the same time? When: Nov. 1, 2011.

Where: The Pita Pit in Jax Beach. #1220-1115 WALKIN’ AFTER MIDNIGHT It was Halloween and you were dressed as the most beautiful woman in the world. I saw your radiant eyes and fell in love all over again. Nurse, you give me fever that’s so hard to bear. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away. Let me treat you right?

When: Oct. 31, 2011. Where: Wall Street. #1219-1108 SEA SHELL Dear Sir, I put a seashell into your hand... Nearly 2 months later, I chanced upon your newspaper gesture (was charmed and surprised). Responded back to your listing, but to no avail. Alas! Curiosity may have killed the cat? ...Consider this take two. When: Sept. 3, 2011. Where: The Floridian Restaurant. #1218-1108 BODACIOUS BURRO BARTENDER You: Model-looking chick workin’ the bar, slender like a traffic light, wondering if you could show me the red-light special? Me: mesmerized, Burro is now my favorite Jax bar. When: Oct. 24, 2011. Where: Burro Bar. #1217-1108 SIR, I’M A CATCH I was dancing with friends, you were too.

You spilled your drink down my back and bought me one to make up for it. I wish I had concocted a business proposal sooner! You: Fearless and full of bravado. Me: A fine catch, sir.

Sign that business proposal! When: Aug. 6, 2011?. Where: Lit/ Downtown. #1216-1108 HANDSOME MAN ON HIS BMW You were pumping gas for your motorcycle at the Shell station off Gate Parkway on 9/30/2011, Jacksonville. I watched you thinking … wow! You: Long pony tail, shades and cute dimples. Me: Tall brunette, jeans and t-shirt. I’ve been thinking about you and would love a ride on your bike. Call me. When: Sept. 30, 2011. Where: Shell Gas Station @ Gate Parkway. #1215-1108 BEAUTIFUL BALLERINA IN BLACK You: Extremely hot, petite blonde; the kind you want to take home to Mom. You were walking around helping anyone who raised their hand. Me: Too scared to raise my hand to get your number. Let’s do drinks or dinner sometime. When: Oct. 24, 2011. Where: The Trading Floor. #1214-1108 AUBURN BEAUTY You: short cut-off jean shorts and black shirt with the shoulder straps. Beautiful auburn hair. You came into my work and got a sub. Me: Dark hair with eyebrow pierced. I was making your sub. You are a true beauty and I would like to take you out and see if there’s a spark. Hope to hear from you ;) When: Oct. 25, 2011. Where: Fleming Island. #1213-1101 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP & PATRON SHOTS We met at Whitey’s and had some shots and then I lost you and never got your number. I guess the shots got to me, but not as much as you got to me. Hope you find this; I would like to see you again. When: Oct. 24, 2011. Where: Whitey’s Fish Camp. #1212-1101

WATER BOY! You: Hard-working Zephyr Water boy with light eyes carrying empty water barrels to your truck with a handy sidekick. Me: Blue eyes, dressed up in all black, completely in your way, making light jokes with the older receptionist. We made eye contact more than once in halls. Special delivery!

You could be my water boy anytime... :) When: Oct. 18, 2011.

Where: C. Serv. Off St. Johns. #1208-1025 SPEED RACER We were running a 5k prediction race. I was with a friend and he was talking a lot during the beginning of the race. He was talking to you and asking you questions. I was standing next to him just listening. You sound like a cool girl. Let’s get dinner some time. When: Sept. 20, 2011. Where: Starbucks parking lot. #1207-1025 LOOKING PRETTY IN THE LIBRARY You were carrying your toddler, looking for a book with a boot on the cover. Things seemed to click with us. I hope I get a chance to see a lot more of you. When: Friday. Where: Library north of JU. #1206-1025 BREW AT THE ZOO You were sampling a piece of aged sirloin as I was saying that “I highly recommended it.” Me: Blonde hair, was wearing a blue polo w/ orange horse, jeans, flip flops. You, Beautiful/natural blonde, brown leg boots and dark jeans. Would love to meet you for real instead of just passing. When: Oct. 7, 2011. Where: Brew at the Zoo. #1205-1018 HOTTIE IN BLUE NIRVANA SHIRT Saw you there, the row behind me singing the words to every song. Smiled at you but was too nervous to do anything. I was in the dark pink tank top the row in front and to your right. When: Oct. 7, 2011.

Where: Florida Theatre Death Cab Concert. #1204-1018 GRAY SWEATPANTS AT LIFESTYLE FITNESS To the short buff guy in a black “gym life” tank top and gray shorts at Lifestyle Fitness. You were looking so hot. You were on the treadmill next to me talking about your time in the Navy, I hope next time you will ask me out. When: Oct. 6, 2011.

Where: Lifestyle Fitness. #1203-1018 INSANELY ATTRACTIVE BARTENDER You were the bartender at Burro Bar. I had no idea what to order but you found me something tasty! Then I saw you at ShantyTown once again tending bar but this time I knew what was up and got a root beer. P.S. I liked your glasses! When: Oct. 5, 2011. Where: Burro Bar/ ShantyTown. #1202-1018 DARK & STORMY IN BLACK APRON Was that whiskey on your lips? How delectable. I saw a smile under that beard.

Feeling invincible? I’ll introduce myself next time. You: menacing. Me: caught in the storm. When: Sept. 2011. Where: Mojo. #1201-1011

GORGEOUS DUDE LONG CURLY HAIR I see you only once in a while, you hardly ever shop there. You’re usually with friends but you were alone the last time I saw you. You’re so gorgeous, EXACTLY my type. Hoping you notice me one day. You: handsome, long, curly haired, lean, fit customer at Publix. Me: tall, thin, model chick CASHIER at Publix. When: Sept. 2011. Where: Publix at Southside and Touchton Rd. #1200-1011 BEAUTIFUL LASS IN A 350Z I saw U driving that silver 350Z like it should be driven! Very impressed with your semi-aggressive driving and impressive looks! You turned off Baymeadows onto Western Way around 8 am. I was behind you in a blue Chevy Silverado. When: Sept. 27, 2011. Where: Baymeadows & Western Way. #1199-1004 PRETTIEST GIRL AT THE WEDDING You: Wearing black and white dress, brown hair and hazel eyes. Me: Working event, with brown hair. You caught my eye when you walked in the door. Later we shared a smile as you walked by me. I wish the setting was different. Wasn’t the right time to talk. I wish it was different. So badly wanted to say hi. When: Sept. 24, 2011. Where: Ponte Vedra. #1198-1004 MY FAVORITE BARKEEP You approached me outside Cool Moose. Long time no see. I thought you were gone forever.

I have been anxiously waiting your return. Let us drink beer in the park sometime. You pour the beers and I will bring the goblets. You are the man of my daydreams. When: Sept. 14, 2011. Where: Cool Moose Café. #1197-1004 OH OFFICER SCRUMPTIOUS, THANK YOU! Officer B, you took us seriously and we love you for it! Us: Porch-sittin’ women in fear of scary misinformed repo man. You: Pretty blue-eyed MIU who responded and resolved it all. Feel free to stop and share stories anytime. We know we can’t have you but we feel safe and all goosepimply just knowing you’re nearby... When: Sept. 18, 2011. Where: Curbside in my ‘hood. #1196-0927 BE MY PIANO MAN! Me: Working behind the bar. You: Sexy one going to fire school. We talked about me studying religion and you said I should study you while your GF was in the bathroom. Came back to your house and sang Billy Joel all night. Should have tried to kiss you when your GF wasn’t looking. Maybe next time I won’t be scared. When: July 9, 2011. Where: Jax Sports Bar & Grill. #1195-0927 4-RUNNER HOTTIE In the parking lot at work getting out of your old body 4-Runner but that wasn’t the body I was looking at! You: Blonde curly hair. Me: Guy in white truck.

You make me want to come to work early just so I can see you walk up. Maybe one day I will actually walk up with you.

When: Sept. 12, 2011. Where: At work. #1194-0927

COMEDIAN WITH TATTOOS You: light-eyed, brown-haired gorgeous server at Biscottis, covered in tattoos. I was with my parents so I was too shy to ask for your number. Me: Petite Redhead with a tattoo sleeve. Love that Mario tattoo :) Let’s get together and maybe it will be less awkward without my parents there. When: Sept. 12, 2011. Where: Biscottis. #1193-0927 JERSEY SHORE ROBBERY La première fois! When: Last Winter. Where: UNF library with my ex-girlfriend. So sorry it didn’t work out with her, but so happy it’s working with me!

You are a walking piece of artwork, a real Greek Goddess. The best part is that you have the brains to match. Let’s make like atoms and bond! Sincerely yours, nomadic pastry chef. When: Last winter. Where: With my ex-girlfriend. #1192-0927 ACHOO AND LOLA Sexy Asian and a monkey with a mohawk, you two drove me crazy. Can’t wait to see you again, lol.

When: Sept. 14, 2011. Where: Beach. #1191-0927 U.S. COAST GUARD HOTTIE You were waiting patiently, dressed in uniform looking mighty fine, your half-sleeve tattoo slightly visible. I was with my co-workers learning the iPad2, and I couldn’t focus because you gave me butterflies.

I am not sure if you are down with the ladies but I would let you rescue me any day. When: Sept. 9, 2011. Where: Apple Store, St. Johns Town Center. #1190-0920 123 HOTTIE SUPREME! U tattooed my bf, felt an instant connection & been watchin’ longingly from afar ever since.

Me: avid gun collector, amateur stalker, want to spend the rest of my life searchin’ for manatees with you! I heart u 747! When: Sept. 11, 2011. Where: Black Anchor Tattoo. #1189-0920 NASCAR CHICK SEEKS EMEDIA NERD You: blond sweet smart shy. Me: brunette bombastic smart fun... can I meet u at DD sometime? I know it is closed but that shouldn’t matter. When: Dec. 2010. Where: That sports-tech company. #1188-0920 SHELL PENDANT GIFT, FLORIDIAN RESTAURANT We were at the Floridian restaurant anniversary show. You: curly blond bob hairdo, vintage floral cottage dress, I couldn’t see your shoes, are you Swedish? I’m the tall long hair.. You gave me a shell necklace and left, I tried to look but you had vanished. I want to see you again and talk... When: Sept. 3, 2011. Where: The Floridian Restaurant. #1187-0920 THE MEXICAN CUISINE SLANGIN’ QUEEN I see the way you treat people in the friendliest ways while you work. I asked you if that was a dinosaur necklace. I had one too but I didn’t have the balls see if you wanted to trade. You are a true beauty. When: Sept. 4, 2011. Where: Downtown. #1186-0920

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MY BROWN EYE GIRL… It was that special night I cannot forget. Looking into your soft brown eyes it made my heart skip a beat and wanted to freeze time so I could forever cherish that moment. When: Oct. 20, 2011. Where: Fresh Off The Bus. #1211-1101

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NINJA WENCH… You approached with a hello, several adult beverages later, a misguided GPS, and a night I’ll never forget. Breakfast again soon? And many convos... You know how to find me :) When: Oct. 7, 2011. Where: United States. #1209-1025

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november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 59

ARIES (March 21-April 19): If you go into a major art museum that displays Europe’s great oil paintings, you’ll find virtually every masterpiece is surrounded by an ornate wooden frame, often painted gold.

Why? To me, the enclosure’s distracting and unnecessary.

Why can’t I just enjoy the arresting composition on the naked canvas, unburdened by overwrought excess? I urge you to take my approach in the weeks ahead. Push and even fight to get the goodies exactly as they are, free of irrelevant filler, extraneous buffers and pretentious puffery.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Judge a moth by the beauty of its candle,” wrote 13th-century poet Rumi. More prosaically, evaluate people according to the nobility and integrity of the desires they’re obsessed with. Do you want to hang around with someone whose primary focus is to make too much money or please her parents or build a shrine to his own ego? Or would you rather be in a sphere of influence created by a person who longs to make a useful product, help alleviate suffering or make interesting works of art? It’s an excellent time to ponder these issues, and then take action to ensure you’re surrounded by moths that favor beautiful candles.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Santa Cruz, there used to be a nightclub that featured live rock bands on a big stage but enforced a strict policy forbidding its patrons to dance. The one time I went there, the music was loud and infectious, and I naturally felt the urge to move in vigorous rhythm. Moments after I launched into my groove, a bouncer accosted me and forced me to stop. I think this has certain resemblances to what you’re in now. Some natural response mechanism in you is being unduly inhibited; some organic inclination is being unreasonably restrained or dampened. Why continue to accept this?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): During the time a blue crab is growing to maturity, it’s skilled at transforming itself. It sheds its exoskeleton an average of once every 18 days for a whole year. You’re in a phase with some similarities to that period of rapid ripening.

Your commitment to change doesn’t have to be quite as heroic, but it should be vigorous. Could you manage, say, two moltings over the next 30 days? If done in a spirit of adventure, it’ll be liberating, not oppressively demanding.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Progress isn’t made by early risers,” wrote author Robert Heinlein. “It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.” That’s exactly the kind of progress you’re in an excellent position to stir up in the weeks ahead. You don’t have to match the stress levels of Type A folks who may seem to have an advantage, and you won’t help yourself by worrying or trying too hard. The single best thing you can do to supercharge creativity? Think of yourself as a “happy-golucky” person as you dream up ways to have more fun.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Our elders know you don’t find the answer by asking thousands of questions,” declares an essay on the website of environmentalist group The Last Tree (thelasttree.net). “The wise way is to ask the right question in the beginning.” I recommend this approach in the weeks ahead. Given the sparkly mysteriousness now before you, I know you may be tempted to simultaneously try different routes to greater clarity. But the more effective strategy in the long run is to cultivate silence and stillness as you wait expectantly for the intuition to reveal a simple, direct path.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In a review of James Gleick’s book “The Information: A History, a Theory, a Flood,” The Week magazine reported “the world now produces more information in 48 hours than it did throughout all human history to 2003.” From 60 | FOLIO WEEKLY | NOVEMBER 15-21, 2011

that dizzying factoid, we can infer you’re more inundated with data than all your ancestors put together. And the surge will probably intensify in the weeks ahead. You’re in a phase of your astrological cycle when you’ll be asked to absorb and integrate a voluminous amount of interesting stuff. Don’t be hard on yourself if you sometimes need to slow down to digest what you’re taking in.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In his poem “Ode to the Present,” Pablo Neruda tells us how to slip free and clear into the luxuriously potent opportunity of the present moment. The here-and-now is so ripe and willing, he says, so malleable. “Take a saw to its delicious wooden perfume,” he continues, and then “build a staircase. Yes, a staircase. Climb into the present, step by step, press your feet onto the resinous wood of this moment, going up, going up, not very high … Don’t go all the way to heaven. Reach for apples, not the clouds.” Such good advice! It’s a perfect time to learn more about the magic of the present moment as you’re freed from “the unrepairable past.” (Read the poem at bit. ly/NerudaOde.) SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Seminal psychologist Carl Jung wasn’t afraid to apply his scholarly analytical skills to the phenomena of pop culture. Late in life, he wrote a thoughtful book on UFOs, “Flying Saucers: A Modern Myth of Things Seen in the Skies.” To be as thorough and careful as he possibly could about such an elusive subject, he wrote an afterword to his main argument, to which he added an epilogue, followed by a concluding supplement. I hope you’re as scrupulous in wrapping up loose ends in the week ahead, especially when dealing with enigmas and riddles. As you seek resolution and completion, go beyond the minimum.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): A lot of land in the Netherlands has been reclaimed from the sea by human effort. But the system of dikes holding back the primal flow isn’t foolproof or a guarantee against flooding. That’s why more folks are building homes that can float if they have to. “We’re actually trying to move away from fighting against the water,” says architect Koen Olthuis. “We’re beginning to make friends with the water.” Adopt this as a useful metaphor. During the months ahead, do a lot of foundation work. How can you add buoyancy?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to my former philosophy professor Norman O. Brown, “Our real choice is between holy and unholy madness: Open your eyes and look around — madness is in the saddle anyhow.” Let’s make this hypothesis our starting point. In the weeks ahead, get more accustomed to and comfortable with the understanding that the entire world’s in the throes of utter lunacy. Once you’re at peace with that, commit yourself to the sacred kind of lunacy — the kind that bestows wild blessings, perpetrates unreasonable beauty and cultivates the healing power of outlandish pleasure.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It won’t be enough to simply maintain your current levels of strength, clarity and intelligence in the weeks ahead. To stay healthy and keep up with rapidly evolving trends swirling in and around you, you’ll have to actively push to get stronger, clearer and smarter. No pressure, right? Don’t worry, the universe is conspiring to help you do it all. To trigger the boost you’ll need, imagine you have a reservoir of blue liquid lightning between your heart and gut. Picture yourself drawing judiciously from that highoctane fuel as you need it, bringing it first to your heart, then to your brain.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

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november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 61

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76 “Luckily, things did get better ___ ...”

81 Reverence 83 Lab maze runners ACROSS 1 “As a parent I immedi- 87 Sean ___ Lennon 88 Ms. Ullmann ately saw the ___ ...”

89 Disk function 6 Tennis ploys 92 Thread’s place 10 Came to 93 Tear 14 TV mouse Gigio 95 Zip, to Zapata 18 Red as ___ 97 “We never stopped 19 Settee’s cousin talking. Communication 20 They might have it may not always lead to 21 Till bills understanding, but at 22 Regal topper least it ___ ...”

23 “Made ___” 24 “Any thoughts I had of 99 “So, now that he’s in trucking school, I just having ‘free time’ hope he ___ ...” quickly ___ ...”

102 Bother repeatedly 26 “By age 4 he was 103 Milk intro already an expert at 104 Ms. Arthur ___ ...”

105 Talladega event 29 Confused 108 Poker term 30 Jacob tricked him 109 Ms. Anderson 31 Enjoy water or snow 111 Armed org.

32 Followers of “The 114 Ms. Gilpin (Roz) of King” “Frasier” 34 Mystery dog 38 Asia’s ___ Mountains 116 Slowpoke 119 “At least, now when we 40 Talk and talk talk he’s ___ ...”

43 Two-under-par score 46 “Vous” preceder, often 126 “Well, ___! Here he is now!”

48 “At age 8 he got inter128 Lawn decoration ested in some weird 129 The ___ Spoonful kind of street music, 131 Free, perhaps which I hoped would 132 Periodical table abbr. be ___ ...”

133 Adds to the payroll 53 “But for him, regular rock and roll was ___ 134 Just-baked pies have one ...”

135 Methods 56 Saw, for one 136 Show shock 57 Ms. Hatcher 137 Student driver, usually 58 Old, but new again 138 “Everybody, this is my 59 Milan opera house son, the highway. (Tell 61 Crude subject ’em your name, 63 Craggy peak kiddo.)”

64 Cat’s refuge “___.”

65 Iraq’s Scud, for one: abbr.

DOWN 66 “At age 12 he started 1 Took a breather traveling with a fast 2 “Bartlett’s” abbr. crowd, which began 3 Equipment ___ ...”

4 Italian saint, Philip ___ 69 Language ending 5 Fend (off) 71 One of eight Eng. 6 ___ franca kings 7 Egg 74 Glittering valuable 8 Diamond quartet 75 Female in a field 1

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Pinching, perhaps Burden Our Gang’s dog Safety org.

Kuwaiti money Begin’s co-Nobelist Rodeo maker Fixes Slight sleepwear To pieces Cavalry weapon Corny “Let’s Stay Together” singer Asian land Has ___ in (owns part of) Short profile?

Mislead, in a way Register for, with “in”: var.

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Slumber party guest Lit. initials Title giver Fall (behind) Judy’s study “Rumble Fish” author Sense of oneself Egg-based paint The Cards, on score-

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I N T AG ME RGE EG I ON T R E A R A E V A S I NON N TW I N K R I S EGA L I A T I ON T OMT S T I N D OC E OS E PW I ND E A S E I S E E E NUDG D E L A S R E D

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boards Drug info Angkor ___ Panty raid site “Love Story” star Dahl’s Willy Cole Porter song, “Well, Did You ___?”

L-___ Director Craven Captain Kirk, e.g.

Bike without pedaling “Family Ties” mom “Like, totally ___” Say positively With 117 Down, an oldies band Refuses Ball honoree “It’s done!”

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Element of change?

Kids’ game Mil. landing site

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E E PO L E T V A ROMA N E G R OW I N G E RN S L Y E A S A H I I L S W I N N OW I N G O U T A C E S R T A C A R E A T A TW I N K L DRRU T H ONO T K R I S OR S AW I NW I N S I T A V I A T OR E NO I C E L R A T EM S T R AW I N T H EW I NOS A N T E E D N T R E V I NO W I ND I T S T A T A OR E L O L I T A W I N KW I N K NUD NONO I S E GR E S T A N Z A S E N

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S K ON W I S T

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Solution to “You Can’t Lose”

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The Threat Within

America’s gravest threat isn’t terrorists, instability or even the economy: It’s the GOP

D

uring the Nixon administration, which was certainly one of the most (if not the most) corrupt administrations in our history — and prior to Nixon’s resignation — America’s greatest pundit advised others to just “follow the money.” That term, and that advice, will live forever for anyone — pundit or average citizen.

For generations, America has been legally protected from evolving into a plutocracy by limiting the amount of money used by corporations and the rich to influence legislators and control elections. All of that precious American democracy was destroyed in January 2010 by the 5-4 corporate-backed conservative majority on the Supreme Court.

That disastrous decision — ineptly titled “Citizens United” — ruled that corporations have the same rights as individual citizens to contribute to elections and candidates WITHOUT LIMITS. This effectively unleashed the massive treasuries of corporations and the wealth of the ultra-rich to enable the election of conservative candidates who will do their bidding, and to influence existing legislators to introduce and/or support new legislation consistent with their interests. The old saying that “money begets power and power begets money” is certainly apropos. Without a major source of either money or power, Democrats will have a difficult time competing. This simply means that the intent of our Founding Fathers through our Constitution of “one person, one vote” has been abrogated. Is it now $1,000, one vote — or what?

Which brings us to Fox News, the most-watched and most-powerful network in America. But only a portion of its programming is “news” … the rest is rightwing propaganda shoveled out with dashes of fear, hate and downright lies. It is also a tool for the ultra-rich to convince people that they’re the good guys and that the poor, lower and middle class are responsible for the deficit.

Why do so many Americans buy into that? Because it is a psychological truism that the more outlandish a claim or statement, the more likely it is that it’ll be believed. Th e Fox network is owned by three of the richest men in America: Rupert Murdoch (who owns thousands of media outlets worldwide and has a total wealth of $61 billion) and the two Koch brothers with a combined wealth of $140 billion. That’s billion!

One of the techniques used by Republicans to justify their “take from the poor and give to the rich” strategy is to denigrate as “socialism” any program or effort deviating from their strategy of transferring political and economic power to the rich. Unfortunately, they’ve been surprisingly successful in making “socialism” a dirty word, by relating it to the extreme and disastrous political concept forced on the Russian citizenry by the dictator Stalin. But America, as well as the rest of the industrialized world, has always embraced our version of socialism to partially balance the less-fortunate and unfortunate against the wealthy and powerful.

Republicans claim Democrats are trying to

“redistribute the wealth,” but the truth is that’s already been accomplished by Republicans to an enormous degree. Since 1970, though productivity has increased substantially, wages for the average worker have stagnated, while wealth of the upper class has exploded. How bad is it? On an annual basis, the upward redistribution amounts to more than $1.2 million per year per household for the top 1 percent. As a result, 25 percent of the total wealth of all Americans now resides with this ultra-rich group. Why? One of the reasons is that, historically, the tax code has been progressive (your taxes increase with your income). Now, however, the wealthy have bribed Congress, with huge campaign contributions, into passing tax loopholes to get around that and, unbelievably, have allowed them to pay a lower percentage of their income in taxes than is required of middle income Americans. The wealthy will always have many tax breaks that are “bought and paid for” which aren’t available to middle-income Americans.

As a result, not only does the top 1 percent now hold 25 percent, the top 20 percent holds 87 percent. The remaining 80 percent of Americans — that’s most Americans — hold only 13 percent of the wealth.

Far worse, though, is that many of our largest and wealthiest corporations, with profits in the millions (if not billions), have also bribed Congress into providing tax loopholes to the degree that they pay ZERO taxes. Whose money compensates for these corporate tax breaks to balance the budget? Lower and middle-income Americans, of course! Some examples from Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT): Exxon Mobil Profits: $19 billion; Federal taxes, zero.

Rebate: $156 million Bank of America Profits: $4.4 billion; Federal taxes, zero.

Rebate: $1.9 billion; Bailout: $1 trillion General Electric Profits: $26 billion; Federal taxes, zero.

Rebate: $4.1 billion Chevron Profits: $10 billion; Federal taxes, zero.

Rebate: $4.1 billion How many people remember the claim by George W. Bush during his first primary that he would implement a $1.3 trillion tax cut, all of it going to the lower and middle class? He was elected and surprise! surprise! He got his disastrous $1.3 trillion tax cut — but all of it went to the upper middle class and the ultrarich. Things haven’t changed much with the Republicans since then. They now want to make Bush’s tax cut permanent in spite of the damage it’s already caused to our economy. Again, another attempt at a payback for the rich!

What are the other items on the Republicans’ “how do we destroy it” wish list? One thing you can be sure of is that conservatives will attack any and all programs or organizations they perceive as helping women, teachers, the poor or anybody they believe might vote for a Democrat. Republican

House Leader Rep. Paul Ryan, chairman of the Budget Committee, claims that we must dramatically cut the deficit because it’s bleeding us dry and will bankrupt the economy. Unbelievably, he’s proposing that corporations should be freed from paying any taxes at all.

Deficit hawks like Ryan want to raise the retirement age and cut Social Security benefits

4. Eliminate all reproductive health care for women, including abortion.

5. Prevent new college graduates from voting for a number of years (could it be because they might have been exposed to knowledgeable professors?).

Republicans have essentially declared war on any group they perceive might be likely to vote Democratic — especially women — as well as

Unfortunately, they’ve been surprisingly successful in making “socialism” a dirty word, by relating it to the extreme and disastrous political concept forced on the Russian citizenry by the dictator Stalin. But America, as well as the rest of the industrialized world, has always embraced our version of socialism to partially balance the lessfortunate and unfortunate against the wealthy and powerful. for “higher income earners.” But his definition of “higher income earners” just happens to be those in the $40k-$80K range — like schoolteachers, firefighters and nurses — and definitely NOT the ultra-rich. If they really wanted to reduce the deficit, they’d accomplish it by a reasonable increase in taxes for the rich, and by forcing massively profitable corporations to pay their fair share. But the House of Representatives, now controlled by Republicans, would never allow such a bill to even get out of committee, so voters could see it and demand its passage.

One thing you’ll never hear Republicans talking about is the fact that the collapse of our economy and resulting depression were due to the astonishing greed of Wall Street, where free-wheeling became the norm, and where key corporate executives took massive bonuses and retirement packages just before the crash because they knew it was going to happen.

The big banks also knowingly gave out lots of toxic mortgages to unsophisticated home buyers and then forced these home buyers into bankruptcy. Then they took all the remaining assets of the “buyers,” which further fattened their wallets. Subsequently, when the banks got into trouble, the government declared them “too big to fail” and subsidized their recovery, which, of course, they knew would happen.

In spite of all that, Ryan now wants to reduce regulations on businesses and Wall Street to “improve the economy.”

Some other items Ryan would like to accomplish: 1. Create more revenue by reducing income tax deductions for charitable giving and home mortgages (that’s not raising taxes, he says).

2. Weaken unions and eliminate collective bargaining for government workers, except for wages.

3. Require government workers to pay more into their pension fund and health care, which would be an 8 percent pay-cut.

any and all social programs that protect the less fortunate, the poor and the needy, even including items like feeding programs for women, infants, children and the unemployed.

If America’s women had ever read the many disparaging comments against their gender from the right wing, they’d never again vote for a Republican. I recently received an article listing 10 Republican proposals from legislators in Congress and in other states, related to women: 1. Redefine rape as “forcible” (can’t be proven, so it can’t be rape).

2. Change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking and domestic violence to “accuser.” (If the crime is burglary, it’s “victim.”)

3. Make it legal to murder a doctor who provides abortion care.

4. Cut a billion dollars for food and other care to low-income pregnant mothers, babies and kids.

5. Let hospitals allow a woman to die rather than perform an abortion necessary to save her life (not their wives, daughters or relatives, of course).

6. End all money for low-income kids’ pre-school programs, because women should really be at home with kids and not working.

7. Cut Head Start by $1 billion. This means that more than 200,000 kids could lose their spots in pre-school. I assume all these legislators have their kids in private schools.

8. Since two-thirds of the elderly poor are women, cut funding for employment services, meals and housing for senior citizens.

9. Stop all funding for Planned Parenthood, accusing them of providing abortion services, which they don’t. They provide contraceptive services.

10. Provide birth control for horses, but not for women.

Is this what America wants from its elected representatives?

Robert Wilson

Wilson lives in Jacksonville.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be at least 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to themail@folioweekly.com or snail mail it to Anne Schindler, Editor, Folio Weekly, 9456 Philips Highway, Ste. 11, Jacksonville FL 32256. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly. november 15-21, 2011 | folio weekly | 63

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