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Benefiting the St. Johns Riverkeeper

CONTENTS //

MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014 • VOLUME 28 • NUMBER 9

EDITOR’S NOTE ALVIN’S BIG WIN (MAYBE)

A 17

24 MAIL BUZZ 2 MINUTES WITH FIGHTIN’ WORDS

4 6 8 11

COVER STORY OUR PICKS MUSIC THE KNIFE

12 16 17 18

MOVIES MAGIC LANTERNS ARTS BITE-SIZED

22 I SAW U ASTROLOGY NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIFIEDS

22 23 24 26

29 29 30 31

Cover Photo: Dennis Ho. Cover Design: Shan Stumpf PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor staylor@folioweekly.com / ext. 111

EDITORIAL

EDITOR • Jeffrey C. Billman jbillman@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • David Johnson djohnson@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 WRITERS-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman seastman@folioweekly.com Derek Kinner dkinner@folioweekly.com CARTOONIST Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, Daniel A. Brown, John E. Citrone, Travis Crawford, Julie Delegal, AG Gancarski, Nicholas Garnett, Claire Goforth, Janet Harper, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Amanda Long, Heather Lovejoy, Nick McGregor, Cameron Meier, Jeff Meyers, Kara Pound, Merl Reagle, Scott Renshaw, Carley Robinson, Chuck Shepherd,

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Melody Taylor and Abigail Wright VIDEOGRAPHER • Doug Lewis EDITORIAL INTERNS • Audreyonna Banks, Michaela Gugliotta and Amber Lake

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DESIGN

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lvin Brown may finally have gotten the monkey off his back. Last week, the mayor announced an agreement with the Jacksonville Police & Fire Pension Fund to stave off the city’s looming crisis and get the cops’ and firefighters’ pensions 80-percent funded by sometime around 2030. If it works out, Brown will at last have slayed the beast that has tormented his administration, and administrations before his, and put the city on a path toward fiscal stability — which, for a man so often criticized for his leadership skills, is a big deal. Now comes the hard part: selling the damn thing. As always, the devil is in the details (many of which we don’t yet know). And in the politics. Within days, Steve Halverson of the Jacksonville Civic Council, the group that helped derail last year’s pension-fix proposal, tentatively came out against it. Bill Scheu, chairman of the mayor’s own pension reform task force, voiced skepticism. Members of City Council piled on, saying the agreement puts too much of the touted “shared sacrifice” on the taxpayer, and not enough on the pension fund. And then there’s the math: In exchange for concessions from the pension fund on workers’ contributions, cost-of-living increases (for new hires) and DROP payouts, the city has committed an extra $40 million a year, and it’s not at all clear where that money’s going to come from, and the mayor’s office, in typical form, seems quite pleased to defer to City Council. Sure, there will be a special committee that meets every year to figure it out, but at the end of the day, Council sets the budget, and as Brown spokesman David DeCamp points out, the mayor doesn’t get to veto it under the city charter. So if Council passes a tax hike, that’s on them. Brown still gets to be the anti-tax guy. Neat trick. Unsurprisingly, some Council members aren’t fond of this game. “I don’t think the Council will go anywhere without the mayor having a full description of how that’s going to happen and without his 100 percent support,” John Crescimbeni told the Times-Union. “To actually commit to something and not have any revenue source is sophomoric,” added Matt Schellenberg. Their points are not without merit. DeCamp told me that the mayor’s idea was to build in flexibility — no two fiscal years are alike, after all — while ensuring that the city doesn’t kick the can down the road when it becomes inconvenient. That’s not entirely convincing. If Brown wants credit for fixing this beguiling problem — and he does — he needs to own the ugly parts, too. Even less convincing, however, is the argument that the mayor should have demanded more blood from cops and firefighters in the form of halved cost-ofliving adjustments for current employees, even if that demand torpedoed the larger agreement. The truth is, just like the private sector, if you want top-flight employees, you need top-flight compensation. It’s the price of doing business, especially in hazardous lines of work. Great cities aren’t cheap cities. This isn’t a perfect deal. But it’s something. And for a mayor coming up on re-election, it’s better than nothing. Unless it falls apart. Which it might. Jeffrey C. Billman twitter/jeffreybillman jbillman@folioweekly.com

MAIL Thirst for Destruction

It is becoming crystal clear that State Attorney Angela Corey is in need of some mental health treatment [News, “Lock ’Em Up,” Susan Cooper Eastman and Derek Kinner, May 14]. She reminds me of the crazy old maid in the neighborhood who called the cops the minute the kids started playing in the street. What I would have given to have Angela on my street on Halloween. Like the mob, ever member has to make their bones, also known as a hit. Angela makes her bones by concentrating on the easiest targets in Duval County: black teenagers up to mischief. While state statistics clearly show a decreased amount of repeat offenders using the civil citations from around the state, Angela keeps notching her belt. She needs to be removed from the Duval County teenage justice system. I don’t care how you do it, just do it. Since she seems to zero in on the black community, it’s up to the black community to remove her. I suggest starting a petition drive to remove her from office and ask the black ministers to head the charge. I believe that in order to sign a petition, you have to be a registered voter, so let the black community have a series of get-out-the-vote Sundays. You can accomplish two goals: hope to get enough signatures to have her removed, and register an additional amount of black voters who can then vote her out on Election Day. Angela Corey is like a flesh-eating bacteria; she must be eradicated before she destroys more young black lives just to feed her thirst for destruction. Rick Mansfield

Name Names

It appears that a number of our public officials don’t hold in high regard the public’s right to know what they’re up to [Editor’s Note, “A Culture of Secrecy,” Jeffrey C. Billman, May 7], but thanks to Folio Weekly, the Times-Union and local TV stations, at least names are being named. Please continue to tell us every time they try to stonewall or thwart attempts at the access that they, by all rights, should offer willingly and automatically. Just how dumb — or clueless — do they think we are? Joe Lowrey

Not Spin, a Cover-Up

I’m an independent and a vet who served in special operations for 21 years. While the Republicans totally screwed up under the Bush administration and have been unfair to this president from the get-go, Benghazi is a real scandal, it is a big deal, and in my book and that of almost every veteran I know, unforgivable [Editor’s Note, “The Big Benghazi Freakout,” May 14]. What is absolutely unacceptable is that a firefight went on for eight hours and calls for help were not unanswered but denied (especially when it’s clear no one knew how long it would last when it started). The fact that the secretary of defense did not approve sending in assets which were within striking distance is what is a disgrace. Some say only the president can approve, but the president made it publicly clear he had told the SECDF to do whatever it took to help. Secretary Panetta should have resigned over this. He said he decided not to send any more assets in; saying that we did not know enough to launch assets into harm’s way is a bunch of BS. I absolutely believe a calculated political decision was made to protect the president 4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

during an election campaign, and a cover-up ensued immediately after. Not spin — a cover-up! Whether the president knew or not can be debated and should be — what did he do and where was he during the eight hours of chaos where the first U.S. ambassador since the 1970s was killed in an attack? However, his chain of command failed those men we lost, and this presidency. I bet the White House staff were thinking, “God forbid that we would have lost more assets or even had an aircraft shot down.” It would have been Mogadishu all over again. You watch: There will be more crap, like what exactly was the CIA doing there? Iran-Contra will look like child’s play. The CIA director so far is the only senior-level member to resign in disgrace — for a totally different reason. Remember, deliberate lies were released from the very beginning by our government about this. The lies started from the very beginning. Not spin, lies! This is not over and should never be forgotten. The active decision not to send rescue assets during a firefight and the coverups are what this administration should have to pay for. Titopue, via folioweekly.com

Beating a Dead Horse

I’m a vet who served in Iraq. The Republicans are beating a dead horse [“The Big Benghazi Freakout”]. They should move on and let it go. Or if they don’t want to be hypocrites, jump in their time machine and impeach Bush, Cheney, Rummy and Wolfowitz. Move it along. Nothing to see here. Frankiem, via folioweekly.com

Not Criminals

I am with United for Care, the medical marijuana campaign [Editor’s Note, “How Marijuana Saved a Life,” Jeffrey C. Billman,” April 28]. I also have friends who served in Vietnam, and my heart goes out to them. Just wanted to let you know that we are out there spreading the word so folks like your friend can get the relief they need without feeling like criminals. Beth Leitner If you would like to respond to something that appeared in Folio Weekly, please send an email with your address and phone number (for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com.

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NEWS BUZZ The Government We Deserve

In Florida, as in many states, we have representatives who — how to say this? — are not always the sharpest knives in the drawer. Take state Rep. Charles Van Zant Sr., R-Palatka. Back in March, Van Zant went to a conference in Orlando, got on stage and, with cameras quite clearly on, inveighed against the company Florida has contracted to administer its Common Core tests. Not because of this state’s addiction to high-stakes testing, or because this is just another step in the corporatization of our education system, or any other of a million halfway-intelligent arguments you could make against Common Core. No, Charles Van Zant Sr. doesn’t like Common Core because he believes the testing company will “attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can.” Charles Van Zant Sr. is an idiot. He is also almost certain to be re-elected this November. He ran unopposed in 2012. No one has filed to run against him this year. This is not unusual: Of the 120 Florida House districts, nearly half are uncontested, and of the ones that are, only a small handful are actually competitive. In 2012, when Democrats finally had a not-awful showing statewide, Republicans still dominated the legislative election. This was less a testament to state Republicans’ popularity than to the way our legislative and congressional districts are drawn. That’s not to say the decennial redistricting bears all the blame for noncompetitive elections. In fact, the research is quite clear that redistricting matters less than most people think. Liberals tend to group in urban areas, giving conservatives a stronghold over wider swaths of territory. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter, or that when, in 2010, Florida voters approved a constitutional amendment to depoliticize the process, it wasn’t a good thing. And it certainly doesn’t mean the Republicans were right to ignore those voters and draw up the districts whatever damn way they pleased anyway. Last week, during testimony in a lawsuit over how congressional and legislative districts were constructed in 2012, a former House aide testified that GOP operatives were kept in the loop, and House minions (and Speaker Will Weatherford) deleted an untold number of emails about redistricting. Weatherford also testified that he and Senate President Don Gaetz met behind closed doors and decided to drop even more African-Americans in Corrine Brown’s already-crazy gerrymander of a district — which helps solidify the surrounding mostly white districts — but that this was certainly not political and we’re just going to have to trust him on that. (A great line from the Associated Press: Weatherford “told the court that Gaetz and the Senate had given the House a ‘compelling reason’ to make the changes … . But he had difficulty recalling what those reasons were … .”) Long story short: There’s no perfect way to draw districts, especially when self-interested politicians are doing the drawing, even when those districts produce people like Charles Van Zant Sr. But to believe, as Weatherford claimed in court last week, that “the politics of the mapmaking was not important to me” requires even more credulity than thinking Common Core will queer your kids.

The Seismic Gateway

6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Turns out we’re not the only ones worried about whether blasting seismic air-guns into the Atlantic Ocean to find deposits of oil — which the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management

State Rep. Charles Van Zant Sr., R-Palatka

estimates could jeopardize the livelihoods of 100,000 fishermen and injure 138,000 marine mammals — is such a hot idea [News, “Save the Whales!” Susan Cooper Eastman, March 26]. In Northeast Florida, the St. Johns County Commission, St. Augustine City Commission and the town of St. Augustine Beach were among 14 coastal communities that passed a resolution expressing concerns about the damage air-gun testing might wreak on marine life. Even Jacksonville Mayor Alvin Brown, sent a letter to the BOEM on May 7 asking for caution. This follows another letter of opposition, sent April 17, from members of Florida’s congressional delegation, including Alan Grayson, Bill Nelson and Corrine Brown. “I just think people realize there is nothing in it for us, that it’s the seismic gateway to drilling, and most don’t want to see oil and gas [mined] off our coast,” says Matanzas (and former St. Johns) Riverkeeper Neil Armingeon. The BOEM’s two-month public comment period ended May 7. The agency has not yet announced its final decision. Fun postscript: On May 16, the Times-Union published an op-ed by Armingeon, which he concluded by encouraging readers to email BOEM — an admonishment that would have been more useful a few weeks earlier. “Just to be clear,” Armingeon clarified on his Facebook page, “the comment period has closed. Sadly, the TU sat on this letter for almost 2 months. Do not try and email BOEM.”

Demand Better

By the time you read this, there’s a good chance the Jacksonville City Council will have

already approved a 20-year extension of the city’s 6-cent gas tax. (The vote is scheduled for Tuesday night, after we go to press.) And there’s a good chance this happened without much of the hue and cry you’d expect from a $30-million-a-year tax, especially a $30-million-a-year tax Mayor Brown is on record as opposing. (Brown’s office says there’s no rush, since the current gas tax doesn’t expire for two years. Spokesman David DeCamp wouldn’t say whether Brown will veto the extension.) Five of these six cents will fund JTA’s operations; the other penny will be split between roads and bike and pedestrian projects — 80 percent roads, 20 percent other stuff. This is Jacksonville, after all. We mention this in the context of a new report out last week from Smart Growth America, which found that Jacksonville is the nation’s third most dangerous place to be a pedestrian, and to suggest that maybe we need to adjust our priorities if we want to be a more livable, sustainable place. That’s not to say the city is doing nothing: Brown appointed the city’s first bike and pedestrian safety coordinator, for which he deserves kudos. DeCamp says the city is also increasingly factoring bike and pedestrian traffic into its transportation plans, and trying to raise awareness among drivers that there are bicyclists out there and they shouldn’t run them over. Also good. But ultimately, it comes down to money, and if we really want a bike-friendlier city, we’re going to have to demand it. And pay for it. — Jeffrey C. Billman and Susan Cooper Eastman

WEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

2 MINUTES WITH … // DENNIS HO

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Folio Weekly: You supply beer to area restaurants and liquor stores, correct? Chris Corbett: I manage the account, as far as beer sales go. I make sure they don’t run out of the beer they have, I make sure that the beers are represented with pointof-sale, which is jargon for branding, signs, neon, glassware. Also letting accounts know of new products that come in. What are the three most popular products you sell in Jacksonville? Miller Lite, Coors Light and Yuengling. Why Yuengling? It’s a good product, it’s not available nationally, it’s only available in select markets, and the fact that we have it here means that people who had it in Pennsylvania who weren’t able to get it when they were living in Georgia or Carolina will be able to have some nostalgia with it here. What trends do you see in beer? Local. The local beers are burgeoning. Also ciders are seeing incredible growth. Craft beers in general are still on the rise, but the local craft beers are seeing the biggest increase, with Intuition expanding production, Pinglehead expanding production, Green Room opening at the beach, Aardwolf is going, Bold City’s doing some cool things. Is anything considered passé now? No. It just depends on the demographic of the area. I could take any category of beer and find you an area of town where it’s the No. 1 seller, whether it be belowpremium domestic beers like High Life, Mickey’s, Colt 45, or premium light beers like Miller and Coors, or craft beer like Intuition, Sierra Nevada or Sam Adams. Does an account manager need a deep knowledge of beer? It definitely helps. There’s so much to know about beer; every day you can learn something new about the beer industry, about beer specifically, and you want to be able to communicate to the account’s different styles. One thing that I do to an account that has draft beer, the first thing

I look at is stylistic diversity in their draft lineup. If they have four domestic light beers and Yuengling and Sam Adams, they’re missing something. How much do the people you sell to know about beer? It runs the spectrum. You’ve got people, all they know is bottom line, black versus red, and you’ve got people who are incredibly well-educated and know exactly what they want. You don’t have to sell them on anything new because they know sometimes before I do when things are coming out. How long before you know if a new product is a failure? That’s a great question. Miller Fortune was introduced in February. Yuengling has a new seasonal product, every brewery has something new all the time, pretty much. But how long to know if something’s failed or not? I guess it depends on how much they put into marketing and distribution. Some things seem like they’ve never worked and they’re still on the market, and some things are surprisingly hard to find when you know they would do really well if they had more distribution. What’s your favorite style of beer? It’s tough to say. I guess right now my favorite style of beer are Belgian sours. How much more popular in Jacksonville are Coors Light and Miller Lite than craft beers? That’s tough to put a number on. My area spans from Tinseltown, which has a really high craft beer market, to the Town Center, which has a really mixed beer market, to Beach Boulevard, which has a pretty strong domestic light market. Has your beer belly gotten bigger since taking this job? Yes! Yes, unfortunately. I spend a lot of time in the car driving from place to place and having a lot of the restaurants offer to make me lunch and then having beers and trying the new products. It’s all adding up. Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com

WEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

THE EYE

CIAO, BABY!

wenty eager guests feasted upon five courses at Ciao Bistro in the heart of historic downtown Fernandina Beach at Folio Weeklyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bite Club dinner on May 19. Host Caron Streibich introduced owner Luca Misciasci, who first presented a delightfully thin tomato, mozzarella and basil pizza perfect for sharing among tablemates. Then a colorful, artfully stacked watermelon napoleon with layers of juicy melon, arugula, feta and balsamic drizzle arrived tableside. It was followed by a square of fresh mozzarella, fried and served atop a pesto aioli. The star of the evening was the scallop-and-shrimp-studded seafood lasagna with rich bechamel and fresh mozzarella topped with a mushroom, white wine and mascarpone sauce. A light tiramisu hit the spot for dessert and a heavy pour of red wine washed down the meal. Visit folioweekly. com to catch the Ciao Bistro Bite Club video. Photos by Dennis Ho

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1. Mary Ann Rybak, Caron Streibich, Mike Field and Mark Ballinger 2. Linda Ballinger, Duerte, Ryan Miller and Jess Canonico 3. Kevin Anderson and Sharmila Chitnis 4. Luca Misciasci and Caron Streibich 5. Kat Barnes and Liz Hulbert 5

FIGHTIN’ WORDS

ERIK GRIFFIN FROM

THE OUTCASTS Bullies still target the kids who don’t conform

espite the best efforts of school administrators on all levels over the last few decades, including passing state laws banning the practice, bullying is still the primary life stress for too many schoolchildren who are marginalized or different — kids already struggling with identity issues who are also struggling with how to present themselves acceptably to their peers. Incidents of bullying run the gamut — from the recent claims by a First Coast High mother that her son was kicked out of school after a gang beat him up (which the school’s administration claims was an “isolated incident” and not gang-related) to the more quotidian (though still traumatic). A recent example of garden-variety bullying is from Landmark Middle School, where Riauna Campbell is an eighth-grader who, according to her mother, Lisa Acker, has a penchant for wearing clothing designed in themes of children’s movies, like Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and The Little Mermaid. One day earlier this month, Riauna wore something from her collection — an oversized blue sweater with an outsized Cookie Monster image on the front. Acker says that her daughter was drinking water from a fountain when she found herself on the receiving end of insults about her sweater from members of a sixth-grade language arts class who were gathered in the hall without adult supervision. “Look at her, she thinks she has swag,” said one. Another, in Acker’s telling, chimed in that Campbell was dressed like a second-grader. Others piled on, inverting the traditional middle-school dynamic in which younger students are bullied by older ones. From there, Acker says, a verbal skirmish ensued. When the sixth-graders’ teacher made it into the hallway, Acker says, her students accused Riauna of being the instigator, a determination that summarily led to referral and a two-day suspension. Acker pleaded her case to school officials — this wasn’t the first time her daughter has been bullied, she says — but her efforts proved fruitless. Acker went up the chain of command to seek recourse, and says the

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Duval County Public Schools region chief is looking into the matter. Still, she’s skeptical of any favorable resolution. “I have already prepared a letter to go to the Federal Board of Education and have been also spending time in the Duval County Courthouse law library researching civil lawsuits against the school system,” Acker told me. “This is important to me because our children should feel safe and protected where they attend school.” DCPS had not responded to requests for comment by press time. The problem is, for every one of these incidents that warrant mention, there are countless other slights and exclusions that do not. The child who is singled out and bullied faces penalties far beyond the actual incident. For every terrorizing moment of rhetorical or physical violence, there are the other consequences — the lonely nights and weekends, missing out on formative experiences, the isolating feeling of being left behind with no way to catch up. Since I wrote about Caleb Combs a few weeks ago [Fightin’ Words, “Classroom Bullies,” April 9], I’ve heard from many people who claim to have been bullied in school. By and large, there’s one common thread running through the stories: They were all outliers from the prevailing acceptable types of the times. No matter how well-worded a statute, how well-intended a policy, the fact remains that there is bullying every day for the same reason politicians and sports teams have fair-weather fans: Everyone wants to be identified with a winner, not a loser. So we learn lessons to get by, to escape the tyranny of the mob, to conform. Not to wear the wrong sweater, not to walk or talk differently, not to stand out in any way. Bullying teaches victims that there are penalties for standing out, for being different. This harsh lesson is handy preparation for the cubicles, drywall apartment complexes and spiritless regimentation that these students are being groomed for as adults.

“Our children should feel safe and protected where they attend school.”

AG Gancarski twitter/aggancarski mail@folioweekly.com

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TRIAL byFIRE On the cusp of retirement, Jacksonville’s first class of black firefighters speaks out about what they’ve endured — and what the department’s future holds Story by SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN

Photos by DENNIS HO

“Hey, Otis,

come over here.” When his captain used that nickname, James Edwards thought of it like someone beckoning him with a “Hey, fella.” No big deal. Edwards was new to the Jacksonville Fire & Rescue Department in 1988, a 22-year-old rookie with a college degree and not a lot of experience with middle-aged white racists. It was his father who explained to him that “Otis” was a slur, a way to reduce black men to generic buffoons. When James McKinney’s lieutenant said he looked like someone who could pick out a good watermelon, the 19-year-old didn’t realize that he was being demeaned. He was new and eager to impress. If his lieutenant wanted a watermelon, he’d find one. He looked over the watermelons stacked in the grocery store while his lieutenant picked up other supplies for the crew. He saw it as an opportunity. “I picked out what I thought would be the best watermelon there,” the engineer says with a rueful laugh. “We were so young, we didn’t really know what was going on,” says Edwards, now a captain himself and the president of the Jacksonville Brotherhood of Firefighters, a black fraternal organization. “Now that I’m 48 years old, I say, ‘Dog, man, all I that time I thought they were joking with me, and there was some kind of racist connotation to what they were doing.’” James Edwards and Terrance Jones 12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Racist slights, physical threats and abject disrespect were everyday occurrences for black firefighters at JFRD — from the first two African-Americans hired in 1969 and 1970, through the blacks hired by court order in the ’80s, even still today. When blacks joined the department in a hiring wave from 1987 to 1992, some of their white colleagues let it be known they weren’t welcome. The JFRD and the firefighters union also gamed the bureaucracy to give whites in the department an advantage — and when blacks complained, they were punished. Change came through lawsuits. The department was forced into hiring blacks by lawsuit, into promoting them by lawsuits, into establishing standardized assessment methods by lawsuit. And many white firefighters resented it. “There was always something done to make the wall higher,” says Alonza Bronner, who in 1970 became the city’s second black firefighter. “If African-Americans started moving up the ranks, they changed the rules.” The firefighters who spoke with Folio Weekly for this story haven’t told their stories before. Decades after joining JFRD, they’re now approaching retirement. Most are plaintiffs in the six lawsuits the city faces, either as individuals or through the Brotherhood, and were hired after a court order forced JFRD to hire one black for every white to meet the requirements of a 1971

Prella Hollie

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

legal settlement. Many of those 180 blacks hired between 1987 and 1992 who are still working for the fire department are now district chiefs, captains, lieutenants and engineers. They fought the prejudice, and did more than survive. They excelled. But they look behind them and see that there isn’t a generation in the wings waiting to take their places. In five years, there will be no black district chiefs, no black captains, only 10 black lieutenants. And it will take a decade for firefighters hired today to work their way into leadership. “We are the last group,” Edwards says. “We are the baby group and a bunch of us are leaving. We just want to give people an opportunity, like I had.”

“It’s going to be a miserable death.”

“Some of you ain’t going to make it today.” Every day, when he arrived at the fire academy in the summer of 1988, Terrance Jones remembers hearing that refrain from his white instructors, followed by some dangerous exercise or another. For the black recruits, who were trained in all-black or mostly black classes, the training was especially brutal. During his first week at the fire academy on Stockton Street, Jones recalls his white

instructors bringing out the tallest ladder in their arsenal — a 110-foot extension ladder — and extending it up six stories over the I-10 overpass. They told the recruits to climb it in their firefighting gear. The recruits had received no instruction in putting on their 47 pounds of bunker gear or how to climb ladders safely. Nonetheless, the instructors, believing blacks were scared of heights, told them to put on their gear, climb to the top of the ladder — with cars whizzing by underneath them on the interstate — lock in, lean back and clap their hands over their heads. They didn’t know what locking in meant. And the ladder wasn’t secured to anything. “Mind you, we don’t have gear that is properly sized,” recalls Jones, now the Brotherhood’s vice president. “We don’t know how to put on gear. We aren’t comfortable wearing our gear just walking around.” If a man slipped, he’d be dead. “It added to the intimidation factor,” Jones says. “You fall off, you’re going to get hit by a car. It’s going to be a miserable death.” Edwards says the instructors also believed that African-Americans were claustrophobic and would panic inside a maze meant to duplicate conditions in a burning house. As part of their training, all recruits got into the maze, and then the instructors cut the oxygen supply to see if they’d remain calm. Everyone performed this exercise back then, but what was usually done for second or two for white trainees would be extended up to a minute or more for blacks. Jones says he overheard his white instructors taking bets on how many of the black recruits they could get to quit. But the race-baiting and hostility backfired. It united the black recruits and made them more determined to prove themselves. “I already put it in my head, come hell or high water, I’m going to finish,” Jones says. The black firefighters banded together to study for their written exams. Lieutenant Rickey Adams, who graduated with Jones, remembers the reaction: “These scores are pretty high. Ba-boom. Someone’s cheating.” Once the black firefighters cleared the hurdles put in front of them, the adversity they’d overcome worked to their advantage. Just one class of 13 black recruits eventually produced a black division chief, a black district chief, five black captains, two black lieutenants and four black engineers. “Look at that class right there,” Edwards says. “We are highest-ranking AfricanAmericans on the job.” “Because we were subjected to so much scrutiny, you made us sharper than sharp,” Jones adds. “Thank you!”

“This is still the South.”

Oliviette Coffey was the lead plaintiff in a federal class action lawsuit filed in 1971 charging that the city discriminated against blacks in hiring firefighters. The plaintiffs had a strong case: There were only two black firefighters on the force. To address the imbalance, the city signed a consent decree in which it agreed to hire more blacks. But more than a decade passed between that 1971 settlement and the city actually undertaking efforts to recruit blacks in significant numbers, and that came about only because the plaintiffs went back to court and, in 1982, a federal judge ordered the city to hire one black for every white until the ratio in the department matched that of the population of the city, about 30 percent at the time.

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It was still another five years before the city actually began the hiring. Between 1987 and 1992, the city launched a major recruitment effort to hire blacks. JFRD attracted military veterans, junior college students and college graduates to a white force where most of their superiors had high school diplomas. The city unilaterally decided in 1992 that it had met the requirements of that settlement, and no longer needed to do one-for-one hiring. But it never sought the court’s approval. So a new generation of blacks took the city back to court, and in 2009, U.S. District Judge Timothy Corrigan reopened the 1971 case, which is still pending today. In their request to reopen the case and declare that the city had violated the agreement, the plaintiffs’ attorneys reported that between 1993 and 2007, the city hired only 95 black firefighters, compared to 653 whites. “You go out to the fire academy and look on the wall of every graduating class. Look at the pictures and see how many black faces you see,” says Wanda Butler, who retired as a firefighter in 2006 after 27 years with JFRD. There are currently six federal lawsuits alleging hiring discrimination, promotions discrimination and a hostile workplace at JFRD — lawsuits joined by the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission, the Department of Justice, the NAACP, the Jacksonville Brotherhood of Firefighters and 26 individual firefighters. So far, the city hasn’t offered any meaningful settlement during mediation sessions conducted over the past five years. The problem, Adams says, is that Jacksonville won’t admit it has a problem. “Just based on this city and its history, I think they will fight it tooth and nail, regardless of what the costs. This is still the South. It is still Jacksonville. We’ve made progress, but this is still a racist city.” Fire Chief Martin Senterfitt declined to comment for this story because doing so might jeopardize the pending litigation.

“Was it crushing? Well, yeah.”

At 22, James Edwards was back in Jacksonville, living with his mother and working as a substitute teacher. He’d earned a bachelor’s degree in American history at Western Kentucky University. He figured he’d teach high school eventually, after he’d finished playing football. Edwards had been a football star at Andrew Jackson Senior High School. He played for WKU on scholarship. (The school inducted him into its Hall of Fame last year.) When he graduated, the NFL was interested. The Miami Dolphins picked him up, and he played for the legendary Don Shula, but only for seven weeks, and then he was cut. “Football, that’s all I wanted to do. Not going to lie. I went to college to play football,” Edwards says. “Was it crushing? Well, yeah. All your life as a kid, you dream of playing in the league.” Edwards was up late one night watching television when he caught a commercial for the Jacksonville Fire & Rescue Department. The JFRD was recruiting minority candidates. Two banks were offering loans for the fire academy at low interest rates. When the recruit got hired, the bank would take the payments out of his salary. Within three weeks of being cut by Miami, Edwards was in training to become a firefighter. Then his agent called: “New Orleans wants you to come out.” But by then, Edwards felt like he had a sure thing with the city. “I was deep into the fire department. ‘Naw, I’m already here. I’ll 14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Rickey Adams

stay with the fire services.’ I could have went out there and just got cut again.” But the reality of the fire department was a rude awakening for the ex-football star. The city had been forced into hiring black recruits by the Coffey lawsuit, and white firefighters made sure they knew they weren’t wanted. During training, Edwards says, the white instructors looked for any excuse to flunk the black candidates. When Edwards arrived at his assigned fire station after making it through training, no one would shake his hand. His captain sneeringly asked him what his sob story was. Had he been raised by a single mom? Had he been homeless? The captain also had a thing about calling all black men “Otis.” It was a joke, and it wasn’t. “In all my dealings with white males, I had never dealt with that type of judgmental attitude,” Edwards says. That disrespect was even more prevalent if you happened to be black and a woman. Wanda Jones, who joined the fire department in 1979, was as one of the department’s first female recruits. She slept in the same dorms as the men, without any privacy. When she arose before the others to get dressed, another firefighter would throw off his sheets and masturbate while she walked to the restroom. Another of her fellow firefighters often laced his diatribes with the N-word, she says. Complaining was useless. “They thought it was funny,” she says. When she was finally transferred to a more hospitable station, the difference was dramatic. “I thought I died and went to heaven. They actually knew my name was Wanda.”

“I ’m going to push back.” Terrance Jones had a plan: finish his AA

degree at Florida Junior College (now Florida State College at Jacksonville) and then enter the military. He’d been in ROTC at Englewood

High School. He’d go straight to officer candidate school. But his best friend, Da’mon Johnson, had other ideas. Johnson’s father was a Vietnam veteran with bitter memories of his treatment in the Army. When Jones refused to drop the military idea, Johnson, a firefighter himself, went to FJC, impersonated him and dropped him out of all his classes, then enlisted him in the fire academy and paid the $240 tuition. Jones was angry, but it was too late to switch back. “He knew me and knew how competitive I was,” Jones says. “He knew it would not be fair. And he knew, if you do me like that, I’m going to push back.” Jones wouldn’t stand for intimidation by his overweight and less-educated white instructors, and he let them know it. At 18 years of age, 6-foot-4-inches and 215 pounds, he was imposing and possessed of a quick mind. When an instructor insulted him, Jones responded sardonically, in a hyperbolic suck-up voice, “I’m encouraged daily by your presence.” If men of their inferior physique and intelligence could be firefighters, he reasoned, so could he. He would offer to go first when the white instructors ordered the trainees to climb ladders, crawl through mazes or jump out of a three-story window into a net. “Keep in mind, the fire department is an extension of the city we live in,” he says. “So the feelings, the racial feelings in the street will be in the fire department. It’s not going to be any different. It’s entrenched in the South, and it’s entrenched in Jacksonville.” Jones was usually the only black firefighter on his shift. The prejudice was in his face. “They would say racial stuff,” he says. “Lot of white officers didn’t want blacks to drive them in a fire truck. They’d say, ‘Ain’t no nigger ever going to drive me.’ If you had to transfer to another station for the day, they’d go ballistic with the chief. ‘I already got one.’ They were trying to ease us into [the white firefighters] without offending them, but our

presence offended them.” The racism didn’t just infect relations within the department; it also tainted the quality of the service they provided. Several of the black firefighters say that in poor black neighborhoods, firefighters would needlessly tear down ceilings, knock down walls and throw people’s possessions on the street. In Mandarin, they’d put down runners so as not to ruin the carpeting.

“They just waved a magic wand.”

JFRD preserved white dominance by gaming the rules. Prior to 1979, a firefighter moved through the ranks from firefighter to lieutenant to captain to district chief. But that year, the city added the rank of engineer, which paid a little more than firefighter — so it was a welcome addition — and was introduced as an appointed position that didn’t affect a firefighter’s opportunity to test for lieutenant after three years on the job. The department appointed more than 300 white firefighters to that rank, then changed the rules. To be an engineer, firefighters had to test for it, not just be appointed. And then, just before JFRD began its one-forone hiring in 1987, came another change. The department moved the engineer rank into the line of promotion, which meant that before the new black recruits could test for lieutenant, they’d have to first become engineers. At the time of that change, about 91 black firefighters were eligible to take the exam for promotion to lieutenant. Afterward, only 11 were. The rest had to become engineers first. But 75 percent of whites who were eligible to take the lieutenant test — 300 of 400 — remained eligible. “They just waved a magic wand and all 300 spots were filled,” Jones says. “Then we had to wait a couple of years for someone to retire to take the test.”

“You can’t put out a fire with no book.”

While firefighting is a physical job, promotions are decided only by scores on a multiple-choice test. The highest scorers enter the leadership ranks based on the test results, with no additional training in employee management or leadership skills. In a lawsuit filed in 2011 by 26 AfricanAmerican firefighters and joined by the Department of Justice and others in 2012, the firefighters allege that the exams don’t test for the skills actually needed on the job. Most other fire departments, as well as the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, give both a written exam and oral exams along with performance evaluations based on real-life scenarios. “My rank is higher than lot of AfricanAmericans,” Edwards says. “I had a college background and it’s a multiple-choice test. It ain’t really testing your skills, it’s testing your recall ability. Book and pencil work. I can do that all day.” But that’s not what you need to be a good captain. “You can’t put out a fire with no book. You can’t put out a fire with no pencil,” Edwards says. “You got to have some physicality. You got to have leadership skills. It’s a vocational job. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist. You’ve got to have a little bit of courage and a little bit of heart to go in there and do the job.” For years, black firefighters have suspected that some of their white counterparts score well on the exams because they’ve been coached. In a deposition in 2008, District Chief Steven Gerbert admitted that he used test questions from past exams for study sessions (presumably for white firefighters) at his house — which the blacks took as evidence of their suspicions. In a separate lawsuit, Jones alleges that the methods used to prepare the tests give department officials inside information about the tests’ questions, and this information is then shared with favored white firefighters.

“I ’m not an angry black man.” Engineer Prella Hollie joined the

fire department in 2000 after retiring from the Army with 20 years of service. He retired on 80 percent disability, the result of torn-up shoulders and knees. He also retired having served as a master sergeant and drill sergeant in the Army. He came to JFRD understanding how a paramilitary operation works. But his skills weren’t wanted, he says. Instead, he was threatened and punished for sticking up for himself. After 14 years in JFRD, he’s just hoping to be left alone until he can retire. “I came on thinking because I was from the military, they would like me,” he says. He says an officer at the first fire station he was assigned to screamed at him when he put in for a transfer to a station closer to his home: “I’ll kill that black motherfucker.” When Hollie filled out an EEOC complaint and went to the city’s employment advisor, he didn’t get much help. One counselor told him to think about a different line of work. Another told him to pray for a good outcome. When he first took the test for engineer, Hollie ranked fourth on the list and received the promotion. He’d had 10 points added to his score because he’s a disabled veteran. But a few months later, the department stripped him of the rank, telling him he shouldn’t have

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

been given the military disability points. When he achieved the rank of engineer a second time, a lieutenant told him nobody wanted him because he’s a troublemaker. “I’m not an angry black man,” he says. “I was the equal opportunity representative in the military. I went from top of my class to troublemaker because I stood up for myself.”

“The same chance we did.”

After the Coffey suit was re-filed in 2007, JFRD again began recruiting blacks in earnest. Then-Chief Dan Kleman started a cadet school in which a firefighter could receive paid on-the-job training while attending the

fire academy. The department also started a program to groom future firefighters at A. Philip Randolph Academies of Technology High School. But these efforts were hindered by the recession and complaints from white firefighters that blacks were being coddled; both have been discontinued. There are still opportunities for black would-be firefighters today. In fact, if an African-American completes the fire academy and receives his state certification as an emergency medical technician or paramedic, he has a very good chance of being hired. But the cost to get certified can be prohibitive, as much as $10,000 for all the training — and there isn’t any financial aid available. “We don’t say not to hire blacks any more, but we have a system in place that we can’t

penetrate because we don’t have the money and we can’t use scholarship money, can’t use grants,” Jones says. “People just need an opportunity,” Edwards adds. “You never know what somebody can be until you give them a chance. We just want others to have the same chance that we did.” No matter what the city does now, it can’t fix a looming problem. Most of the JFRD’s black officers are about to retire. And there are very few blacks ready to take their places. “I’m ending my career at a beautiful station [on Heckscher Drive],” Jones says. “I have no complaints if it ends like this. But I can’t sit back and let evil continue to exist. The next generation is not as strong as us, so I want to level the playing field before I leave.” seastman@folioweekly.com

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Our Picks Reasons to leave the house this week

DIXIELAND THROWBACK BLAIR CRIMMINS & THE HOOKERS

Being nostalgic for an era you haven’t lived through is just one side effect of pop culture’s recycling trend. We are a people of reuse and repurpose, from parachute pants to Michael Jackson (man and hologram) to Ray-Bans, to just about any movie due out this summer. Blair Crimmins is one of those nostalgists. Using a combination of Ragtime, Dixieland and vaudeville sentiment, Crimmins & The Hookers recreate the wild abandon of the 1920s’ jazz scene. If you’ve ever seen The Great Gatsby (not read, because we’re leaving out the intellectual part), then you understand the level of reckless, depraved fun-having we’re talking about – a highball-guzzlin’ good time. 8 p.m. May 29 at Underbelly, Downtown, $5.

ERA OF GOOD FEELINGS CATS ON WAX

Speaking of nostalgia, on one hand, the fact that the ’90s is teed up to become a thing again makes us feel really goddamned old. On the other, we came of age in this Era of Good Feelings, back when the world’s biggest problem was a presidential hummer, and, well, we kinda miss it. Which brings us to Cats on Wax, a less-groundbreaking-than-fun Tallahassee outfit that unabashedly delights in the uncomplicated 4/4 rhythms and distorted major power chords of the decade’s latter-half pop-punk scene – their bio says they aim to mirror “the same innocent joy and infectious obsession as Internet cat videos” – and gives us the warm fuzzies inside. With The Last Sons and more, 8 p.m. May 30 at Burro Bar, Downtown, $5.

TAP THAT JAX BEER WEEK

Beer being proof that God loves us, Jax Beer Week is a hallowed and holy time, worthy of penitent reflection and staggering intoxication in search of life’s ultimate truth, which is surely located in a bountiful stream of hops and barley and water. (We’ll let you know when we find it.) Events continue daily with Northeast Florida breweries offering their newest creations. The Blind Fig and Engine 15 serve a beer dinner at 6 p.m. May 28. Brewer’s Pizza & Pinglehead pours a new featured beer each day: Green Room’s Thin Mint Stout on May 28, Intuition Ale Works’ Belgian Hoppy Blonde on May 29, Bold City’s Abbey’s Ale on May 30, Aardwolf’s Hop Pun on May 31. Intuition taps a special one-off daily. If you’re thirsty this week, you’re not really trying, are you? Check the Jax Beer Week website, as more events are expected to be added May 28-31, beerweekjax.com/calendar.

FITNESS NEVER QUIT

Inspired by Captain Gerard Petroni, an Army and Navy veteran, husband and father who died after his second stroke, and created as a fitness event to raise awareness of healthful living, Never Quit has become the world’s largest beach run. Petroni’s son Erik (left) began spreading the message, speaking at local schools, but wanted to draw a larger audience. Now, that message reaches about 30,000 people a year as they gear up for Never Quit events, including the Warrior Challenge, a 5K run/walk, Battle for the Beach and a beach yoga session. If dripping in sweat isn’t your thing, check out the health expo and enjoy the live music. 10 a.m.-9 p.m. May 30, 7 a.m.-8 p.m. May 31 at SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach, free.

STARRY NIGHTS CHICAGO

Starry Nights returns to Metropolitan Park after a decade-long hiatus, pairing Chicago (the band, not the city, obvs) with the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra. Chicago trumpet player Lee Loughnane, an original member, confirmed the band (pictured left) would play “Saturday in the Park” on a Saturday, in a park. So they’ve got that going for them. There’s order in the universe and refreshments in the back. The JSO performs with Chicago for Starry Nights, gates 6 p.m. May 31, then with Christopher Cross, gates 6 p.m. June 6, at Metropolitan Park, Downtown, $20-$85 for each concert.

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

LEAVE YOUR TEETH ON THE RINK JACKSONVILLE ROLLERGIRLS

Legendary newsman Ron Burgundy’s golden rule of combat – no touching the hair and face – doesn’t play in a sport that makes a hockey brawl look like two-hand touch. Don’t let blatantly funny alter-egos like Cruella Duval and Blueberry MILF’n mislead; these ladies are as serious as a dental reconstruction bill. Elbows, helmets and skate irons fly in roller derby, with a points system players and officials probably get, but you don’t, and that’s OK. The roller forces of Jacksonville – New Jax City Rollers women and Magic City Misfits men – face off for the first time. 6 p.m. May 31 at Skate Station Funworks, Mandarin, $10-$12.

MUSIC

TANGLED UP IN BLUE The eccentric, iconic rockers celebrate the 20th anniversary of their legendary debut

ay 10 marked the 20th anniversary of density, Pinkerton confounded critics and Weezer’s triple-platinum self-titled fans. Weezer broke apart at the seams for three debut, commonly referred to as The Blue years, but in that time, a new demographic Album, and the Internet nearly combusted treated Pinkerton as the Magna Carta of loud, under the weight of think pieces and geekedincisive emo-rock. out reminisces. But one fact stood out Weezer’s career couldn’t be killed, but it above the track-by-track dissertations of the has careened in many disorienting directions. immaculately infectious modern-rock gems In 2000, before fully reuniting, the band that Rivers Cuomo and company crafted: performed abrasive underground grunge Weezer’s debut dropped just three weeks after concerts under the name Goat Punishment — Kurt Cobain’s death. then headlined the Warped Tour the same year. Cuomo, Patrick Wilson, Matt Sharp and In 2001, Cuomo and company re-embraced Jason Cropper worshipped Nirvana and other their mainstream-friendly power-pop roots on punk- and metal-influenced rock titans of the The Green Album — then added arena-ready day. With 20 years of hindsight, though, it’s riffs à la Cheap Trick and Quiet Riot on 2002’s clear that melodic masterpieces like “Buddy Maladroit. Somewhere in there, the megawatt Holly” and “Say It Ain’t So” serve as a massive winged-W logo and ridiculous flying-V guitars demarcation between the often-torturous became a staple of Weezer’s epic live shows. sonic attack of grunge and the more popThese mainstream aspirations turned the conscious world of what would eventually band into a punching bag of the critical rock come to be known as emo. establishment, though; 2005’s Throughout The Blue Rick Rubin-produced Make Album’s long incubation Believe is universally despised. WEEZER period, Cuomo mastered So naturally, Cuomo fired 6 p.m. June 6, the art of heart-on-sleeve back on 2008’s The Red St. Augustine Amphitheatre, songwriting and a goofy, Album by adding 808 drum $49.50-$75, 209-0367, machines, Southern rap and geek-chic performance style. staugamphitheatre.com baroque counterpoint vocals to Early critics denigrated Weezer Weezer’s eccentric mix. for being too measured, too Things have gotten even smiley, too suburban — too weirder since: goofy No. #normcore, in today’s parlance. 1 hits like “Beverly Hills” and “Pork and Yet no one in the perpetually depressed mid-’90s alt-rock universe had ever sung so Beans”; hootenanny-style tours where fans honestly about awkward sexual dynamics, were invited onstage to play with the band; alcoholic parents, Dungeons & Dragons and Cuomo performing as a puppet-wielding going surfing instead of doing drugs. mime; album covers featuring the fat guy from Lost (and album titles like Raditude); Weezer seemed destined for greatness early one-off collaborations with Kenny G, B.o.B. on, but the band’s early years in Los Angeles were marked by indifference and struggle. Then and Lil Wayne; leaving major-label Geffen for indie-heavyweight Epitaph; an endless stream two hilarious videos directed by Spike Jonze — and a Seattle radio station endlessly spinning of rarities collections and memoirs; theme “Undone (The Sweater Song)” — put them on songs for the U.S. World Cup and State Farm the map, and it didn’t take long for a generation Insurance; even two editions of the Weezer of teenagers unimpressed by grunge’s darkness Cruise (last year’s departed out of Jacksonville). to immediately connect with Weezer’s mix Yet onward Weezer charges — rumors of bubblegum pop, brooding melancholia, of a ninth full-length album abound, and acoustic balladry and thick-as-a-brick guitar The Blue Album’s fawning 20th anniversary riffs. Within six months, The Blue Album was commemorations continue to pour forth. Which means the band’s June 6 appearance certified gold; within a year, platinum. in St. Augustine, only the third of 16 shows Yet Cuomo’s mental neuroses and descent scheduled this summer, should serve as a into depression — while attending Harvard, he revelatory blast of both nostalgic memory and even lived in a house with black-painted walls and fiberglass-covered windows — transformed enterprising ambition. him from lovable geek to tortured creative Nick McGregor genius on the 1997 follow-up Pinkerton. mail@folioweekly.com Heavy in both sonic quality and lyrical

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

A&E // MUSIC

THE KNIFE CONCERTS THIS WEEK STEEZ CLICK, NATHAN RYAN, PHAT J, JJ DAMON, POTENT

Photo by Walter Coker

ay McKelvey, better known as punk legend Stevie Ray Stiletto, loved the color black. The interior of his house was black. His bedding and clothing were black. His windows were blacked out. His toys and memorabilia were black. His sense of humor: black. So when I wrote a cover story for Folio Weekly [â&#x20AC;&#x153;Stevie Stiletto is Dead,â&#x20AC;? Aug. 2, 2005] featuring the punker and his battle with Hep C and cirrhosis, I decided to play up the idea that many in the local music community thought he had already died. Ray concurred, and we had a great laugh when the issue hit the street. He did, in fact, succumb to his illnesses on March 24, 2013 â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to his credit, many years after he should have kicked the bucket. In his honor, a tribute concert/ fundraiser is scheduled for Friday, June 6 at Rain Dogs in 5 Points. Fellow punks Whiskey Dogs, Powerball, Ryan Gunwitch-Black, Grabbag and others are on the bill. Proceeds go to The Sweet Relief Musiciansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Fund, which provides financial aid for musicians who are battling cancer. And here I pay tribute to him with a list of Five Stupid Things I Did with Stevie Ray Stiletto. t 1SFUFOE IF XBT EFBE For the aforementioned cover story, I thought it would be hilarious to run a photo of Ray on his back (Ă la John Lennon on the back cover of the Imagine album). The headline read, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Stevie Stiletto is Dead.â&#x20AC;? The subhead, in much smaller type, clarified that he wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, and that rumors surrounding his death were exaggerated. Apparently, his sister thought he had actually died and was distraught until she confirmed he was still among the living. Mission: Accomplished. t 1SFUFOE IF XBT EFBE While playing drums at the release party for his 2009 comeback album Pickled Liver, for which I played drums on two tracks, I decided to introduce the lead singer as an imposter hired to replace Ray because, you guessed it, he was dead. Of course, he wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t. He was right there, listening to me pay tribute to him and thank

our wonderful stand-in for the great job he was doing. Some people got it. t 1SFUFOE IF XBT EFBE At that same concert, following the stand-inâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s introduction, I sang an a cappella version of Kansasâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dust in the Windâ&#x20AC;? in tribute to the late Stevie Ray Stiletto, who was sitting on the edge of the stage laughing. I thought it was touching. t 1SFUFOE IF XBT EFBE Following the release of Pickled Liver, a documentary titled My Life Is Great: The Stevie Stiletto Story was in the works. Many of Rayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s former and current bandmates were interviewed. For my part, I coordinated with Ray to film me leaving a local jam night, feigning that I was caught unaware. In the clip, I slip into a slow rage over the fact that Ray, being alive, had brought in musicians to play for free on what we all believed to be a posthumous tribute album. My tirade ends with me flicking off the camera and cursing the name of Stevie Ray Stiletto. Cut to Ray cackling into the lens. Great stuff. t Pretend he was EFBE A year or so before he died, Ray crashed a show my band was doing at Montyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s (aka West Inn Cantina) in Avondale. Being one of Rayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s old haunts, Montyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s often brings in a punk-friendly local crowd. And so in he came, storming our set and creating a small bit of chaos. He gave me a hug and began to take his leave as abruptly as he had entered. As he departed, I shouted, of course, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s hear it for the late Stevie Ray Stiletto!â&#x20AC;? It was the last time I would see him alive.

5 STUPID THINGS I DID WITH STEVIE STILETTO

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

The Stevie Ray Stiletto Memorial & Benefit Show To benefit The Sweet Relief Musiciansâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Fund. Featuring Powerball, Whiskey Dogs, Grabbag, Ryan Gunwitch-Black, more. 7 p.m. June 6, Rain Dogs, 5 Points, $5, 379-4969

DA ROCKSTAR, PINKYKILLA, THROWDOWN KID 5 p.m. May 28 at Aqua, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $15, 997-2063. TARRUS RILEY & THE BLACK SOIL BAND, DEAN FRASIER, AIMA MOSES, DE LIONS OF JAH, DJ KENNY PAGE, DJ RAGGAMUFFIN 8 p.m. May 29 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $25, 246-2473. BLAIR CRIMMINS & THE HOOKERS 8 p.m. May 29 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 353-6067. KEVIN GATES 9 p.m. May 29 at Aqua, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $25, 997-2063. LADIES WITH LYRICS: JULIE DURDEN, REBECCA ZAPEN, BRENDA DAVID 7:30 p.m. May 30 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. BREAD & CIRCUS, DANIEL AMEDEE, BETHANY & THE TROUBADOURS, WEEKEND ATLAS, CATALYST 8 p.m. May 30 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. DAVID LAREAU & THE COPPERPOTS, NEIL ALDAY & FURTHER SOUTH, SIX TIME LOSERS 8 p.m. May 30 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 353-6067. GENERATOR, PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE, PIPESTONE, A NEW DECREE 8 p.m. May 30 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $8, 246-2473. BUFFALO BUFFALO, NOCTURNAL STATE OF MIND, SACK THE CITY, FIFIELD 8 p.m. May 30 at Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., $8-$10, 388-3179. CATS ON WAX, THE LAST SONS 8 p.m. May 30 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. DIRTY AUTOMATIC, RULE #6 8 p.m. May 30 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $7. TRAVELINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; LIGHT, DEE ABOOD 7:30 p.m. May 31 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. MARUTA, PANSPERMIA, CUTE & CUDDLY KITTENS, LEPROSY 8 p.m. May 31 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. CHICAGO & JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA 6 p.m. May 31 at Metropolitan Park, 1410 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown, $84, 354-5547. JESSE MONTOYA, PRETTY POLICE STATE, SPIRAL BOUND, JACOB CREEL Starts at 10:30 a.m. May 31, Riverside Arts Market, 715 Riverside Ave., free, 389-2449. DISPLACE, HOLEY MISS MOLEY, K SLAT 8 p.m. May 31 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, 353-6067. U2 BY UV, OUTEREDGE 8 p.m. May 31 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $10, 246-2473. SWITCHFOOT, THOUSAND FOOT KRUTCH, MARK RUSSELL 6:30 p.m. May 31 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., $25-$65, 209-0367. BUGZY EVANS, ENIGMA, DENNIS LEE, SKRILLA, DJ CAINE, DJ ZEUS 8 p.m. May 31 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. JEREMIAH DALY, COREY KILGANNON, ALEXIS RHODE, SUMMER GOODMAN, JACOB HUDSON 8 p.m. May 31 at Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., $8-$10, 388-3179. THE CRAZY GIRLS, DANKA, PRIME TREES 8 p.m. May 31 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $10. MATT HIRES, THE WILD AFTER, KYLE COX 8 p.m. June 1 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. MONGOLOIDS, RUDE AWAKENING, MODERN PAIN, MEAN STREAK 6 p.m. June 2 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $10, 353-6067. AMERICAN AQUARIUM, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND, SCOTT LOW 8 p.m. June 2 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $10, 398-7496. FOR THE FALLEN DREAMS, OBEY THE BRAVE, I THE BREATHER, REFLECTIONS 6 p.m. June 3 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $13, 353-6067. THE ALMOST HEROES, MASTER RADICAL 8 p.m. June 4 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, free, 353-4686. EMA & THE OLD KINGS 9 p.m. June 4 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, free.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD, CHEAP GIRLS, DOGBRETH June 5, Jack Rabbits SUZI TRASH, ELECTRIC WATER, THE SUPER SUPER FUNKY FUNK June 5, Burro Bar

WEEZER June 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS, WATER LIARS June 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GRIM ZIPPER TOUR: SCUM, DMIZE, STATIK OF RX June 6, Aqua CHRISTOPHER CROSS & JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA June 6, Metropolitan Park KINGS OF HOLLYWOOD TOUR: APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION (Guns â&#x20AC;&#x2122;Nâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Roses tribute), RED & WHITE CRUE (MĂśtley CrĂźe tribute), POISONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;D June 6, Freebird Live ARCHNEMESIS June 6, 1904 Music Hall SONS OF HIPPIES, BASK, APPALACHIAN DEATH TRAP June 6, Burro Bar JOSH HOWELL & FRIENDS June 6, Murray Hill Theatre RICKOLUS, LAKE DISNEY, RUFFIANS June 6, Jack Rabbits SONGWRITERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CIRCLE ANNIVERSARY: LARRY MANGUM, MIKE SHACKELFORD, JAMIE DEFRATES June 7, Mudville Music Room BOSTON June 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre P.S. CANCER SUCKS BENEFIT: PARKRIDGE, ROSEDALE, WINTER WAVE, ATTIS ON THE PINE June 7, Jack Rabbits DENDERA, BLOODBATH, BOGGSIE BRIGADE, KING PLYWOOD June 7, Burro Bar HOT DAZE & COOL KNIGHTS: MAS APPEAL, ROBIN BANKZ, DJ SNOW, THE HATERFREES June 7, Rain Dogs ANIMALS AS LEADERS, CONQUERING DYSTOPIA, CHON June 8, Murray Hill Theatre GOSSAMER, FRONTIER June 9, Burro Bar PURPLE FEST: G-MAYN-FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, XXII, LEGIT, INFAMOUS June 10, Freebird Live THE PAPER JETS June 10, Jack Rabbits MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT, DJ TOXIC RAINBOW June 10, Underbelly ARC & STONES June 10, Burro Bar TREEHOUSE!, SUN DRIED VIBES, WHO RESCUED WHO June 11, Jack Rabbits BEARTOE, PALEFACE June 11, Underbelly THE EVERYMEN, THE VIVID, THE DULL BLADES June 11, Burro Bar JONATHON SCALES FOURCHESTRA June 12, Underbelly ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY June 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MOVE LIVE June 12, Florida Theatre SLAUGHTER DAUGHTERS June 12, Burro Bar WAR OF AGES, BEYOND THE SHORE, NEVERENDER June 12, Murray Hill Theatre FOXY SHAZAM, LARRY & HIS FLASK June 13, Freebird Live OTTMAR LIEBERT, LUNA NEGRA June 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MIDNITE, 100% ST. CROIX ROOTS June 13, Jack Rabbits THE CORBITT BROTHERS, LEFTY WILLIAMS BAND, APPLEBUTTER EXPRESS June 13, Underbelly LASTWATCH, URSA MINOR, CLC June 13, Murray Hill Theatre FLORIDA COUNTRY SUPERFEST: LUKE BRYAN, JASON ALDEAN, ERIC CHURCH, MIRANDA LAMBERT, FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE, LITTLE BIG TOWN, BIG & RICH, EASTON CORBIN, COLT FORD, JOE NICHOLS June 14 & 15, EverBank Field AMB, PRAY, RAZORZ EDGE June 14, Aqua SHAUN PEACE BAND June 14, Jack Rabbits ROD MacDONALD June 14, Mudville Music Room COUNTING CROWS, TOAD THE WET SPROCKET June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BANE, CODE ORANGE KIDS, GIVE, RHYTHM OF FEAR June 15, Underbelly WHISKEY DIABLO June 15, Burro Bar THE ROUGH & TUMBLE June 17, Burro Bar PLASTIC PLANETS June 17, Jack Rabbits BIG SMO June 17, Mavericks COMMON KINGS, SAMMY J, THE JIMMY WEEKS PROJECT June 18, Jack Rabbits TERRAVITA, J. RABBIT, COMBUSTIBLE June 18, Freebird Live GYPSY STAR, REBECCA ZAPEN June 19, Mudville Music Room GOO GOO DOLLS, DAUGHTRY, PLAIN WHITE Tâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s June 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZOSO (Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience) June 19, Mavericks at the Landing HUMMING HOUSE June 19, Jack Rabbits ANDY GRAMMER, ANDREW RIPP June 19, Freebird Live IN DYING ARMS, MY TICKET HOME June 19, Aqua GERI X, KEVIN LEE NEWBERRY June 19, Burro Bar KID SLIM, ZERO CALORIES, CONFESSION KILLS June 20, Jack Rabbits VACATION CLUB June 20, Underbelly OKOA REFUGE BENEFIT: GREY PALUSZYNSKI, BE EASY BAND June 20, Murray Hill Theatre HATERFREE SOUNDCLASH 2 June 21, Rain Dogs MERCYGIRL, WHOSOEVER SOUTH June 21, Murray Hill Theatre ANDY KINGâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SUMMER SOLSTICE SOIREE June 21, Mudville Music Room WORLDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FAIR, TWO 9, DENVER June 21, Jack Rabbits VACATION CLUB June 21, Shanghai Nobbyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s PAUL McCARTNEY June 22, Veterans Memorial Arena THEY CAGE ANIMALS, LAST CHANCE FOR SARAH, DIRTY AUTOMATIC June 22, Jack Rabbits BENâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MEMORIAL BENEFIT/HOPE FOUNDATION: MR. AL PETE, DIALECTABLE, MJ BAKER, MAS APPEAL, DILLON, FF JB, CHEECH, WILL FRAZIER, JEREMY BAKER June 22, Freebird Live CRANFORD HOLLOW June 25, Jack Rabbits

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AMERICAN AQUARIUM June 2 at Jack Rabbits SUMMER HORNS: DAVE KOZ, MINDI ABAIR, GERALD ALBRIGHT, RICHARD ELLIOT June 26, Florida Theatre JIM CARRICK, MAJA GIATANA June 26, Mudville Music Room REBELUTION, IRATION, THE GREEN, STICK FIGURE, DJ MACKLE June 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES (AC/DC tribute) June 27, Freebird Live FLAGSHIP ROMANCE CD RELEASE CONCERT June 27, Mudville Music Room SEVEN HANDLE CIRCUS June 27, Jack Rabbits DAVID DONDERO June 28, Shanghai Nobby’s SOSOS June 28, Jack Rabbits THE WHOLETONES, THE WILDER SONS June 28, Freebird Live THE VIOLENT 5, THE WOODGRAINS June 29, Jack Rabbits I AM THE WITNESS, SECRET KEEPER, AMONGST THE FORGOTTEN, I AM KING, AS ALICE SLEEPS, OUR WALKING DECEPTION July 1, Murray Hill Theatre CHRIS HENRY July 3, Mudville Music Room SALTWATER GRASS, BONNIE BLUE July 3, Freebird Live THE PURE ZEPPELIN EXPERIENCE July 4, Freebird Live GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH, WET NURSE July 5, Underbelly SHINOBI NINJA, VIKTR July 5, Jack Rabbits SUPERVILLAINS July 5, Freebird Live BACKTRACK, HARM’S WAY, EXPIRE, TURNSTILE, SUBURBAN SCUM, DOWNPRESSER, IRON MIND, FREEDOM July 6, Underbelly ZAK WATERS July 7, Jack Rabbits AARON LEWIS July 7, Mavericks LEGIT, G MAYN FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, ALCATRAZ, PINKYKILLA, SYLENT VYLENTZ July 12, Freebird Live DAVE MATTHEWS BAND July 15, Veterans Memorial Arena RAY LAMONTAGNE, JENNY LEWIS, THE BELLE BRIGADE July 15, The Florida Theatre DJ CLAY, ZUG IZLAND, RAZORZ EDGE July 17, Aqua JEREMY MESSERSMITH July 18, Jack Rabbits RITUAL UNION CD RELEASE PARTY July 18, Deep Search Records THI’SL, BRINSON, SECKOND CHAYNCE July 19, Murray Hill Theatre LAVELL CRAWFORD July 19, T-U Center GROUNDATION July 19, Freebird Live ALL NEW ATMOSPHERE July 20, Jack Rabbits AMERICAN IDOL LIVE! July 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre OPOSSUMHOLLER, POOR RICHARDS, THE SENSES, SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY July 24, Jack Rabbits CULTURAL PROFETICA July 25, Freebird Live YING YANG TWINS July 25, Jack Rabbits EMMYLOU HARRIS July 26, T-U Center SARA BAREILLES July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FALL OUT BOY, NEW POLITICS July 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

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BRENDAN JAMES/JENNI REID SUNDAY JUNE 22

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MR. AL PETE/DIALECTABLE/M.J. BAKER, MAS APPEAL/DILLON/FFJB/CHEECH/ WILL FRAZIER/ JEREMY BAKER FRIDAY JUNE 27

SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES (AC/DC Trib) ROCK IT TO RUSSIA (Ramones Trib) SATURDAY JUNE 28

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Saltwater Grass/Bonnie Blue The Pure Zeppelin Experience The Supervillains Sidereal/Hours Eastly GROUNDATION CULTURA PROFETICA BOBBY LEE RODGERS FORTUNATE YOUTH/THE STEPPAS The Pretty Reckless/Adelita’s Way

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Wed: Ladies Night w/DJ Corey B 50¢ Drinks & Draft

Thur: DJ Big Mike $2 Miller Lite, Coors Lt $3 Fireball, $4 Bacardi $5 Jack Daniels

Fri & Sat: LIVE MUSIC WITH LOVE MONKEY 231 Blanding Blvd Orange Park (904) 264-0611

www.RoadhouseOP.com

SWITCHFOOT May 31 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE SOULSHINE TOUR: MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD, SOJA, BRETT DENNEN, TREVOR HALL July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GAVIN DEGRAW, MATT NATHANSON July 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre QUINCY MUMFORD July 31, Jack Rabbits DIRTY HEADS, PEPPER, AER Aug. 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MAXWELL Aug. 3, T-U Center ELLIS PAUL, DONNY BRAZILE Aug. 8, Original Café Eleven ULTIMATE ELVIS BASH Aug. 9, The Florida Theatre CROSBY, STILLS & NASH Aug. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ROCK ’N’ BLUES FEST: JOHNNY WINTER BAND, EDGAR WINTER BAND, VANILLA FUDGE, PETER RIVERA (Rare Earth), KIM SIMMONDS (Savoy Brown) Aug. 14, The Florida Theatre PANIC! AT THE DISCO, WALK THE MOON, YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE Aug. 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE OFFSPRING, BAD RELIGION, PENNYWISE, FEAR Aug. 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE FRESH BEAT BAND Aug. 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BOB WEIR, RATDOG, CHRIS ROBINSON BROTHERHOOD Aug. 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THREE DOORS DOWN ACOUSTIC Sept. 7, Florida Theatre ZZ TOP, JEFF BECK Sept. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FORTUNATE YOUTH, THE STEPPAS, ASHES OF BABYLON, EASE UP Sept. 12, Freebird Live CONNECTION FESTIVAL: KERMIT RUFFINS & THE BBQ SWINGERS, LESS THAN JAKE, SURFER BLOOD, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, TREME BRASS BAND, ORQUESTRA EL MACABEO, LA QUILOMBERA, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES, JACKIE STRANGER, WEEKEND ATLAS, NORTHE, EGO KILLER, JAH ELECT & THE I QUALITY BAND, UNIVERSAL GREEN, ORANGE AIR, ALEXIS RHODE, RYVLS, PROFESSOR KILMURE, RUFFIANS, THE GOOTCH, ASKMEIFICARE, DIRTY AUTOMATIC, WOVEN IN, GARRETT ON ACOUSTIC, TOM BENNETT BAND, MONDO MIKE & THE PO BOYS, ARTILECT, OSCAR MIKE, KANA KIEHM, PARKER URBAN BAND, KNOCK FOR SIX, NEVER ENDING STRUGGLE Sept. 12-14, Downtown Jacksonville 1964: THE TRIBUTE (Beatles tribute band) Sept. 13, The Florida Theatre SHERYL CROW Sept. 14, The Florida Theatre THE PRETTY RECKLESS, ADELITA’S WAY Sept. 18, Freebird Live KYLE KINANE Sept. 24, Jack Rabbits THE VIBRATORS, POWERBALL Oct. 12, Jack Rabbits MOTLEY CRUE, ALICE COOPER Oct. 19, Veterans Memorial Arena CROWDER, ALL SONS & DAUGHTERS, CAPITAL KINGS Oct. 19, Christ’s Church, Greenland LOS LONELY BOYS Oct. 21, The Florida Theatre ANDY McKEE Oct. 23, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ANJELAH JOHNSON Oct. 24, The Florida Theatre CELTIC THUNDER Nov. 15, The Florida Theatre A PETER WHITE CHRISTMAS with RICK BRAUN, MINDI ABAIR Dec. 16, The Florida Theatre

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

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CLUBS AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049 John Springer every Tue.-Wed. Aaron Bing at 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Working Class Stiff at 9:30 p.m. every Tue. PALACE SALOON, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 Buck Smith every Tue. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 491-8999 Brent Byrd at 6 p.m. on May 29. Brett Foster at 6 p.m. on June 2. DJ Roc every Wed. Honey Badgers every Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

MVP’S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores at 9 p.m. every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith every Tue. DJ Free every Fri. DJ SuZi-Rok every Mon. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200 Grandpa’s Cough Medicine on May 29. Live music every Sat. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

BEACHES

(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) 200 FIRST STREET, Courtyard, Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Side Track at 7:30 p.m. on May 30. John Shafer on May 31 BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Jay DeCosta at 5:30 p.m. on May 29. Jetty Cats at 6 p.m. on May 30. Live music every Thur., Fri., Sat. & Sun. CANTINA MAYA, 1021 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-3227 Live music May 30 CASA MARINA HOTEL, 691 First St. N., 270-0025 Charlie Walker at 2 p.m. on June 1 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Yankee Slickers from 8 p.m.-mid. on May 30. Irish music at 6:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 3 the Band at 10 p.m. on May 30. Ginormous J at 1- p.m. on May 31. Red Beard & Stinky E at 10 p.m. every Thur. Darren Corlew at 1:30 p.m. every Sun.

FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Wes Cobb every Thur. Charlie Walker every Mon. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Tarrus Riley & The Black Soil Band, Dean Frasier, Aima Moses, De Lions of Jah, DJ Kenny Page, Raggamuffin at 8 p.m. on May 29. Generator, Primitive Hard Drive, Pipestone, A New Decree at 8 p.m. on May 30. U2 by UV, Outeredge at 8 p.m. on May 31. Appetite for Destruction (Guns ’N’ Roses tribute band), Red White & Crüe (Mötley Crüe tribute band) and Poison’d (Poison tribute band) at 8 p.m. on June 6 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Clayton Bush at 9 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Fri. & Sat. JAXON SOCIAL, 1161 Beach Blvd., 595-5660 Rob Walker at 9 p.m. on May 30. Spade at 9 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Sat. LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024 Evergreen Terrace, What About Me, Powerball, Hatchetface at 9 p.m. May 31. Open mic every Wed. Matt Still every Thur. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Live music at 10 p.m. on May 30 & 31. Barrett Jockers every Wed. Split Tone every Thur. Dirty Pete every Sun. Be Easy every Mon. Ryan Campbell every Tue. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., 246-1500 Dan Hunting on May 28. Squeedlepuss on May 29. Ryan Crary on May 31. Three on June 4. Sway Ja Vue on June 5 MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon 6-8 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger 6-9 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford & Steve Shanholtzer 6-8 p.m. every Thur. MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Live music every Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Cloud 9 at 7 p.m. on May 28. King Eddie & Pili Pili at 6 p.m. on May 29. Aaron Koerner at 6 p.m. on May 30. Ace Jefferson Duo at 6 p.m. on May 31. Live music Wed.-Sun. NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Elizabeth Rogers at 7:30 p.m. on May 30. Neil Dixon at 7:30 p.m. on May 31 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 al Arena on May 28. Red Beard & Stinky E on May 29. Retro Katz on May 30 & 31. Bread & Butter on June 1 THE SHIM SHAM ROOM, 333 First St. N., 372-0781 Live music every Mon. & Thur. DJ Nick Fresh every Fri. WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 247-4508 Billy Bowers at 7:30 p.m. on May 29. Amy Vickery at 9:30 p.m. on May 30. Ralph E. & the Jammers at 7:30 p.m. on June 5 ZETA, 131 First Ave. N., 372-0727 Charlie Walker at 9 p.m. on May 29

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. Dirty Automatic, Rule #6 at 8 p.m. on May 30. The Crazy Girls, Danka, Prime Trees at 8 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Thur.-Sat. & Mon. BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St., 353-4686 Cats on Wax, The Last Sons at 8 p.m. on May 30. Maruta, Panspermia,

A&E // MUSIC Cute & Cuddly Kittens, Leprosy at 8 p.m. on May 30 & 31. The Almost Heroes, Master Radical at 8 p.m. on June 4. Suzi Trash on June 5. Live music every Wed.-Sat. DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ NickFresh at 9 p.m. every Sat. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade from 5-8 p.m. on May 28. Braxton Adamson 5-8 p.m., Spade McQuade 8:30 p.m. on May 30. Jig to a Milestone at 8 p.m. on May 31 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 IveyWest Band 8 p.m.-1 a.m. May 30. Persona Non Grata 8 p.m.-1 a.m. May 31. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Roy Luis every Wed. DJ Vinn Thur. DJ 007 every Fri. Bay Street every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Friday Night Live at 8 p.m. on May 30. Joe Buck, Big Tasty every Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 353-6067 Blair Crimmons & the Hookers at 8 p.m. on May 29. David Lareau & the Copperpots, Neil Alday & Further South, Six Time Losers at 8 p.m. on May 30. Displace, Holey Miss Moley at 8 p.m. on May 31. Mongoloids, Rude Awakening, Modern Pain, Mean Streak at 6 p.m. on June 2. For the Fallen Dreams, Obey the Brave, I the Breather, Reflections at 6 p.m. on June 3

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Jameyal at 9 p.m. on May 29. Stava Mala at 9 p.m. on May 30. Jay DeCosta at 9 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Fri. & Sat. MERCURY MOON, 2015 C.R. 220, 215-8999 The Remains at 10 p.m. on May 30 & 31 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 The Ride at 9:30 p.m. on May 30 & 31. Ace Winn at 5 p.m. on May 29. Tony Paul Neal at 5 p.m. on May 31. Open mic 9 p.m. every Thur. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., 4:30 p.m. Sun. DJ BG every Mon.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Ozone Baby at 9 p.m. on May 30 & 31. Live music every Wed., Fri. & Sat. Open mic every Tue. SALSA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 13500 Beach Blvd., 992-8402 Live guitar music 6-9 p.m. every Tue. & Sat. YOUR PLACE, 13245 Atlantic Blvd., 221-9994 Clayton Bush at 9:30 p.m. May 28

MANDARIN, JULINGTON

GATORS DOCKSIDE, 485 S.R. 13 N., Ste. 1, 230-4353 Live music every Fri. & Sat. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Open mic: Synergy 8 p.m. every Wed. World’s Most Talented Waitstaff 9 p.m. every Fri. MONKEY’S UNCLE, 10503 San Jose Blvd., 260-1349 Live music at 10 p.m. every Sat.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells, 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PREVATT’S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 DJ Tammy 9 p.m. every Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Love Monkey at 10 p.m. on May 30. DJ Big Mike 10 p.m. every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

PONTE VEDRA, PALM VALLEY

ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 820 A1A N., 834-2492 Evan Michael at 9 p.m. on May 30 PUSSER’S GRILLE, 816 A1A N., 280-7766 Aaron Koerner at 6 p.m. on May 28. Stephen Carey at 6 p.m. on May 29. Mark O’Quinn at 8 p.m. on May 30. Rebecca Day & Jenn Thompson at 7 p.m. on May 31. Jimmy Parrish & the Waves at 3 p.m. on June 1. Lance Neely at 6 p.m. on June 4. Live music every Wed.-Sun. TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., Ste. 208, 280-5515 Deron Baker at 6 p.m. on May 28. Gary Starling Jazz Band at 7:30 p.m. on May 29. Paxton & Mike at 7:30 p.m. on May 30. Jesse Cruce at 7:30 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Wed.-Sat.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

THE BLIND FIG, 901 King St., 337-0146 Corey Waddington at 8 p.m. on June 3 KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor 8:30 p.m. every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 Buffalo Buffalo, Nocturnal State of Mind, Sack the City, Fifield, Josh & the Misfits at 8 p.m. on May 30. Jeremiah Daly, Corey Kilgannon, Alexis Rhode, Summer Goodman, Jacob Hudson at 8 p.m. on May 31. Live music every Fri. & Sat. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Jesse Montoya, Pretty Police State, Roy Peak, Spiral Bound, Jacob Creel starting at 10:30 a.m. on May 31

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

ST. AUGUSTINE

A1A ALE WORKS, 1 King St., 829-2977 Live music every Fri. & Sat. ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Jig to a Milestone at 8:30 p.m. on May 30. Brent Byrd & the Suitcase Gypsies at 8:30 p.m. May 31. Open mic with Smokin Joe every Tue. THE CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Oh No at 7 p.m. on May 30. Deron Baker at 2 p.m., Robert Harris Group at 7 p.m. on May 31. Vinny Jacobs at 2 p.m. on June 1 THE CONCH HOUSE, 57 Comares Ave., 829-8646 Jah Creation from 3-7 p.m. on June 1 HARRY’S SEAFOOD, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers 6 p.m. on June 4 KINGFISH GRILL, 252 Yacht Club Dr., 824-2111 Billy Buchanan at 6 p.m. on May 29. Rob Peck at 7 p.m. on May 30. Brady Reich at 7 p.m. on May 31 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040 Live music every Fri. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19-1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Adam Lee at 9 p.m. on May 28. Go Get Gone at 9 p.m. on May 30 & 31. Aaron Esposito 9 p.m. every Thur. David Strom at 9 p.m. every Mon. Donny Brazile at 9 p.m. every Tue. SANGRIA’S, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music at 8 p.m. every Thur. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Red River Band at 9 p.m. May 30 & 31. Matanzas every Sun.-Thur. Elizabeth Roth every Sat.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

BLACKFINN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music 5 p.m. every Wed., 9 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Bread & Circus, Daniel Amedee, Bethany & the Troubadours, Weekend Atlas, Catalyst at 8 p.m. on May 30. Bugzy Evans, Enigma, Dennis Lee, Skrilla, DJ Caine, DJ Zeus at 8 p.m. on May 31. Matt Hires, The Wild After, Kyle Cox at 8 p.m. on June 1. American Aquarium, Bryce Alastair Band, Scott Low at 8 p.m. on June 2. Andrew Jackson Jihad, Cheap Girls, Dogbreth on June 5 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Stephen Simmons at 7:30 p.m. on May 29. Ladies with Lyrics:

Julie Durden, Rebecca Zapen, Brenda David at 7:30 p.m. on May 30. Travelin’ Light, Dee Abood at 7:30 p.m. on May 31. Darren Ronan, Joey Kerr, Louis LeClaire, Shane Myers at 7:30 p.m. on June 5 THE PARLOUR, 2000 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455 House Cats at 9:30 p.m. on May 30. You Rascal You at 9 p.m. on May 31

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

AQUA, 11000 Beach Blvd., 997-2063 Steez Click, Nathan Ryan, Phat J, JJ Damon, Potent Da Rockstar, Pinkykilla, Throwdown Kid at 7 p.m. on May 28. Kevin Gates at 5 p.m. on May 29. Scum, Dmize, Statik of RX on June 6 ISLAND GIRL, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Live music every Fri. & Sat. LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 VJ Didactic at 9 p.m. on May 29. T.P.T.S. Live at 9 p.m. on May 30 & 31. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MY PLACE BAR & GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Aaron Sheeks on May 28. Dirty Pete on May 29. The Clayton Bush Band on May 30. The Gootch on May 31. Bryan Ripper on June 1. Fat Cactus every Mon. Chuck Nash every Tue. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Chris Brinkley on May 28. Chilly Rhino on May 29. Kurt Lanham at 5 p.m., Contraband at 9 p.m. on May 30. Syndicated on May 31 WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929 A Nickel Bag of Funk at 8 p.m. on May 30

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HWY. 17 ROADHOUSE, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee, 225-9211 Swamp Witch at 9 p.m. on May 30 & 31 RAZZLES SPORTS BAR, 8209 W. Beaver St., 562-8487 River City Kats at 7 p.m. on May 28 THREE LAYERS COFFEEHOUSE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Mama Blue at 6:30 p.m. on June 3. Open mic at 7 p.m. on May 92. Live music every Sat.

Want to see your band’s concert dates listed here? Email all the details – date, time, venue, ticket /admission price and the band name – to djohnson@folioweekly.com or mdryden@folioweekly.com. Deadline is 4 p.m. Friday.

A&E // MOVIES

CORSETS AND ABOLITIONISTS If a period drama about slavery and sexism in 18th-century England leaves you wanting more, the filmmakers have won

22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

attempted to recoup the losses as “damaged he historical drama Belle blends a critical cargo” through his insurer. In this role, legal moment in England’s abolition Wilkinson (twice nominated for Academy of slavery with forbidden romance and Awards) conveys more in a glance or frown characters worthy of Jane Austen. than most actors can in two hours of dialog. That shouldn’t all work, but it does. The The mostly superb cast includes a criminally underappreciated Tom Wilkinson, prerequisite Downton Abbey star in Penelope the radiant Gugu Mbatha-Raw as the titular Belle, beautiful cinematography and director Wilton as Lady Mary Murray who, if nothing Amma Asante’s steady pace assure its success. else, provides a reminder to the sister-cousins Though at times PG-ified for mass of what might happen if they don’t find a consumption, and in places historically match. Brothers James (Tom Felton) and Oliver fudgy — the real-life Belle was younger than (James Norton) play prospective suitors. Felton, her on-screen counterpart when this story best known as Harry Potter’s nemesis Draco, unfurled, for instance — the filmmakers have shows again that he must be paid per sneer. A nonetheless promised that the major details more effective villainess is Miranda Richardson are unchanged. For a tale this significant, as their mother, Lady Ashford, who retorts to that’s important. one son that “A good family name and empty Dido Belle, the mixed-race daughter of pockets will only get you so far.” Maria, a slave, and Royal Navy officer John Asante and screenwriter Misan Sagay take Lindsay, grows up with her great-uncle some risks, connecting the idea of slaves as Lord Mansfield (Wilkinson) and his wife property to the role of women as property. Lady Mansfield (the Sagay gives the underused Emily 1779 oil portrait Watson) in the latter of Belle and Bette BELLE part of the 18th century. a significant ***@ Belle’s mother has died part in the film, Rated PG and her father has been as it proved called back out to sea. an inspiration A childhood with when she saw it her “sister-cousin” Elizabeth “Bette” Murray while touring Scone Palace in Scotland. The (Sarah Gadon) at Kenwood House in London painting of the two girls — one black, one keeps Belle sheltered, though she isn’t allowed white — struck a chord, and Sagay uncovered to dine with the family or the servants when its history. Historically, Lord Mansfield is guests visit — the conundrum of her status well-known for his 32 years as Lord Chief and race. We see no beatings in Belle, with Justice and his decisions that led to England’s the starkest reminders of racism primarily abolishing of slavery. However, his part as served in insults of “Lord Mansfield’s infamous guardian of his great-niece was discovered mulatto.” largely through that unsigned portrait. While Lady Elizabeth must find a husband In a time when TMZ brings the latest to secure her future, Belle becomes an heiress racist rants of an NBA owner straight into after her father’s death. She doesn’t need a your home, Belle may seem tame, but its husband, but she wants one. accessibility in detailing the racism, sexism Courting Brits must be naturally adept at and classism of Jane Austen-era London will sparring verbally. “How would one know the win you over. ways of a lady, if one has yet to learn the ways At 105 minutes, the period drama has the of a gentleman?” Belle snaps at one suitor. decency to be too short. When the credits roll While she and Elizabeth are being courted, on a film like this — one taking on a serious Mansfield faces weightier matters. As Lord untold tale — and you’re left wanting more, Chief Justice, he must rule on the case of the filmmakers have done their jobs. the Zong Massacre, in which a ship’s captain David Johnson ordered 142 slaves thrown overboard, then djohnson@folioweekly.com

MAGIC LANTERNS

REVENGE TALES & TORTURE PORN

uentin Tarantino’s claim that the Israeli thriller Big Bad Wolves was the best movie of 2013 is patently absurd, but at least it drew attention to a movie that might otherwise have been largely ignored in this country. The hyperbole worked on me. I scored a look at Big Bad Wolves on its DVD release a few weeks ago, and I was impressed enough to check out the first movie by the two obviously talented Israeli filmmakers — Aharon Keshales and Navot Papushado — who co-wrote and directed it. Let’s start with their first film. Released in 2010, Rabies initially looks like another riff on the familiar trope of a maniac loose in the woods. The opening scene introduces us to a brother and sister who have fled their home, only to run into big trouble in a remote forest. Into the mix come two young couples on a tennis outing that goes dreadfully awry. Arriving on their heels is a pair of cops — but they’re not coming to the rescue. Two forest rangers are also poking around, for worse rather than better. Rabies has enough twists to sate even the most jaundiced genre fan. The originality, unfortunately, does not extend to the characters, who are far more stereotypical than the story. Nonetheless, Rabies is more atypical than not, something that cannot be said of most freshman ventures in the genre. Big Bad Wolves marks a considerable leap forward. While utilizing many of the first film’s techniques — black humor, violence, plot twists — Wolves brings intelligence and depth to its characterization, and even some political awareness to the theme. Basically a revenge tale infused with torture porn (think Saw or Hostel), Wolves is the story of a suspected child-killer who is abducted and interrogated (to put it politely!) by police officials, including the father of one of the hideously brutalized victims. Because Keshales and Papushado rely so heavily on narrative surprises, it would be criminal to reveal more than that here. The film also includes a wry nod to Israeli-Arab attitudes, typified by the Israeli protagonists’ general contempt, or at least disregard, for their “less civilized” neighbors. In context, such disparagement is clearly ironic. Indeed, both Wolves and Rabies seem to skewer the Israeli authorities, as typified by the police officials and military types who tend to be comic, incompetent and/or vicious. Keshales and Papushado exhibit a deft touch with the camera as well as the script, particularly in Wolves. The film captures moments of lyric innocence, especially with the children, which only offset the grim realities that surround them. Among the filmmakers’ arsenal of tricks, clever editing supplements the narrative twists, propelling the story beyond the dialogue. With titles like Rabies and Big Bad Wolves, it might be tempting to pigeonhole these two young filmmakers' works in the horror/ thriller genre. Maybe for now. Here’s hoping, however, they continue to stretch the borders of conventional definition.

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

A&E // MOVIES FILM RATINGS **** BLAZING SADDLES

***@ CITY SLICKERS

**@@ CAT BALLOU

*@@@ WILD WILD WEST

OTHER FILMS SUN-RAY CINEMA Godzilla and Belle are screened at SunRay, 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. TV series Cosmos runs at 9 p.m., Mad Men at 10 p.m. every Sunday; check for updates. Locke screens on June 6. LATITUDE 30 MOVIES Nonstop is screened at Latitude 30’s CineGrille Theater, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555.

NOW SHOWING THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 **@@ Rated PG-13 Complaints for this one range from an overstuffed cast of villains to allegedly cheap, cut-sceney FX to the unreality of casting a black actor as a guy who throws thunderbolts from his body. Maybe Marc Webb has committed a colossal blunder in rushing toward a Sinister Six movie and maybe he hasn’t; judge for yourself. — Steve Schneider BELLE ***@ Rated PG Reviewed in this issue. BLENDED Rated PG-13 When she was in the Memento-“inspired” romcom 50 First Dates, Drew Barrymore played a woman whose lack of short-term memory kept her from remembering she’d already gone out with Adam Sandler. In a case of life imitating art, the real Drew seems to have suffered a similar cranial trauma, since she can’t remember she’s already made a movie with Adam Sandler. Three of ’em, counting this one, in which they play single parents who have to quell their mutual animosity on a shared safari vaca. — S.S. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER ***G Rated PG-13 Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), aka Captain America, hasn’t had time to cope with after-effects of one-way time travel, via cryonic sleep, from the 1940s to the 2010s, but he’s starting to face his disconnect. Costars Samuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson and Stan Lee! — Marlene Dryden CHEF Rated R Director/writer/star Jon Favreau has created a tasty comedy-with-a-heart about Chef Carl Casper (Favreau) who gets the axe from the chichi restaurant where he works. In an effort to start over from scratch, he goes the route of many local food artisans: food truck! OK, no more bad puns. Along the road to making a go of the traveling dining car, Carl also tries to keep his family together, or at least get everyone on friendly terms. Co-starring Scarlett-Christ-her-again? Johansson, Bobby Cannavale, Dustin Hoffman, Robert Downey Jr., Amy Sedaris and the near-adorable Oliver Platt. — M.D. DIVERGENT Rated PG-13 Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley) is labeled a Divergent, a group of misfits considered so dangerous that their destruction is being plotted. So she hooks up with another outcast – Four (Theo James), who’s really just one person. Costars Kate Winslet, Ashley Judd and Zoe Kravitz. — M.D. FED UP Rated PG Going to a fast-food drive-thru? After you see this piercing documentary from Stephanie Soechting and Katie Couric, you’ll never eat processed foods again. Except maybe potato chips, those addictive little tuber delights. — M.D. GOD’S NOT DEAD Rated PG Josh Wheaton (Shane Harper) is a college student having trouble in philosophy class. Professor Radisson (Kevin Sorbo) doesn’t believe there is a God, shaking Josh’s faith. Costars Dean Cain and Willie Robertson. — M.D. GODZILLA ***G Rated PG-13 The newest version updates the King of All Monsters for the 21st Century beautifully, in tandem with the global zeitgeist. Instead of nukes, global warming is the bugaboo behind today’s monster. Dr. Ichiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) works with a secret research group studying Godzilla since the 1950s – those Pacific nuke “tests” were really efforts to kill the damn thing. Director Gareth Edwards hides more than he reveals, with the major monster action

at night, enshrouded in dust, smoke and fog. Costars Bryan Cranston, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Juliette Binoche, Elizabeth Olsen and Sally Hawkins. — MaryAnn Johanson HORNET’S NEST Rated R Photojournalist Mike Boettcher and his son Carlos are on a mission to reconnect – in the Afghanistan war zone, documenting U.S. troop activity. Despite the powerful true story of survival against all odds, wouldn’t a nice weekend fly-fishing or building a go-kart have been a better choice? — M.D. LEGENDS OF OZ: DOROTHY’S RETURN Rated PG The Baum family’s eagerness to exploit – I mean, “further” – patriarch L. Frank’s legacy is why we have this animated musical. The use of Lea Michele’s tonsils as the voice of Dorothy is ostensibly the big draw, but theater geeks in your social circle will be sucked in by Bernadette Peters and Megan Hilty, who played mother and daughter on the late, awful SMASH. Peters voices Glinda the Good Witch … the same part Hilty played on Broadway in Wicked. — S.S. THE LOVE PUNCH ***@ Rated PG-13 Richard (Pierce Brosnan) just sold his company for a cool $10 mil and is ready to retire: travel, golf, relaxation and flings with very young women. Ex-wife Kate (Emma Thompson) hates his philandering. Then Richard learns the company has been liquidated and everything, including his and Kate’s retirement funds, is gone. Uniting against a common enemy, the couple tracks down Vincent (Laurent Lafitte), the crooked businessman who screwed them over, to steal a big diamond to re-fund their retirement. — Dan Hudak MALEFICENT Rated PG • Opens May 30 When Wicked let a nation of gradeschool girls and middle-aged homosexuals re-imagine The Wizard of Oz from the point of view of its ostensible villain, the Walt Disney Company’s little rodent ears shot up: “Hah! We’ve got a whole stinking bullpen of public-domain baddies,” they chortled. So we get to see how that messy Sleeping Beauty business played out according to its antagonist queen (Angelina Jolie) – who, let’s face it, is the only character from the original story you can name. Maybe the most encouraging element is the uncredited script doctoring by the great Paul Dini (Lost, Batman: The Animated Series), who should be writing from scratch every summer blockbuster that gets made, not just swooping in at the last minute to save Hollywood’s ass like the World’s Forgotten Ninja. — S.S. MILLION DOLLAR ARM Rated PG In a perfect world, Jon Hamm would be on the set of Batman vs. Superman right now, pulling on a pair of red booties and practicing his delivery of the line “I like pink very much, Lois.” Instead, we have to live in reality, where we get only a paltry seven goddamn episodes of Mad Men a year, and they’re interrupted by promos for Million Dollar Arm, a Disney family sports flick about a baseball agent who goes to Mumbai to scout potential pitching talent. Slumdog Rookie, anyone? Aasif Mandvi is in this, too, instead of starring in a Comedy Central series about an embattled Al-Jazeera correspondent. — S.S. A MILLIONS WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST Rated R • Opens May 30 When you’re a fan of somebody who gets pilloried mercilessly by cognoscenti, you sometimes suffer

the heartbreaking experience of watching said hero go on to vindicate every rotten thing said about him. (See: Clay, Andrew Dice.) Hope that’s not the case with Seth MacFarlane, who up till now has been the standard-bearer of comedy that’s too funny for people with advanced degrees to understand. Nearly every bit of promo for this has made it look exactly like the sort of frat-rape divertissement MacFarlane’s dimmest detractors expect. Please, God, let this just be boneheaded marketing drastically misrepresenting a modern-day inheritor to Support Your Local Sheriff, and not confirmation there really isn’t much daylight between Peter Griffin and Dane Cook after all. — S.S. MOMS’ NIGHT OUT Rated PG Filmmakers Jon and Andrew Erwin made this comedy about moms who make the mistake of having their husbands watch the kids so they can have a night out on the town. If you think the Erwins’ perspective is a bit skewed, take heart – they let a real live female co-write this thing: Andrea Gyertson Nasfell, whose screenwriting oeuvre is heavily reliant on concepts of angels, missionaries and Christmas. — S.S. NEIGHBORS **G@ Rated R New parents Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) Radner have to put up with the Delta Psi fraternity buying the suburban house next door. They first try to play nice with the party-hearty crew led by chapter president Teddy (Zac Efron), but escalating noise leads them to start a conflict from which no one could escape without some sort of humiliating incident. — Scott Renshaw THE OTHER WOMAN Rated PG-13 Nick Cassavetes directs Cameron Diaz as a woman who forges an unlikely alliance with her three-timing boyfriend’s wife and mistress. Silly old me was under the mistaken impression that this would be a sideways riff on The Women, but the Internet set me straight: It’s actually a grownup version of John Tucker Must Die. — S.S. THE RAILWAY MAN Rated R This war drama is based on a true story about Eric Lomax (Colin Firth), a British officer tortured in Japan during WWII. Years later, he had the rare opportunity to meet one of his Japanese tormentors. Should he forgive? Wikipedia tells us the two reconciled, but see the film and decide if you’d forgive someone under similar circumstances. I’m still debating. Costars Stellan Skarsgård and Hiroyuki Sanada. — M.D. X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST ***G Rated PG-13 How confident is Fox that Bryan Singer has the X-Men franchise back on track after Brett Ratner all but scuttled it with The Last Stand? The studio is letting Singer’s people drop tidbits: their pursuit of Channing Tatum to play Gambit in a 2016 follow-up, X-Men Apocalypse. Then again, I’m sure Singer was still talking about the “next” Superman movie after Returns had already been called a dud, so maybe we should take pre-release prognostication for what it is. (Except Captain America: Whenever he announces the date of his next movie, all the studios JUMP, soldier!) Right now, we can only anticipate the deftness Singer will display welding the standard X-Men and First Class universes – a splice job that made more elbow room for the full various ensembles than Star Trek Generations did. Good luck beatin’ that death scene. Co-stars Michael Fassbender and Nicholas Hoult. — S.S.

A&E // ARTS

SKIN JOBS Ryan Hanley’s biker, metal and S&M influenced taxidermy updates the staid trade for a wild today

axidermy first took off in the 19th Century, when a Victorian Era fascination with science, combined with a steadfast Industrial Revolution belief in man’s supremacy over nature, led to mounted birds being displayed in nearly every British home. The skinning, tanning, stuffing and molding trade — taxidermy in Greek literally means “arrangement of skin” — further exploded when exotic big-game hunting became the ultimate sign of affluence. As a result, a display of taxidermy today is often conflated with the size of one’s ego. But there’s a strain of the art, called anthropomorphic taxidermy, that briefly sprouted in the steampunk shadows of the 1850s, ’60s and ’70s — animals dressed up in human clothes and shown in human situations, like Hermann Ploucquet’s teadrinking kittens, Walter Potter’s school-going rabbits or Edward Hart’s boxing squirrels. Anthropomorphic taxidermy quickly faded from public view but, 130 years later, the genre has been reborn and revamped in the hands of New Smyrna Beach artist Ryan Hanley, who injects heavy doses of black metal, biker punk and even S&M influences into his pieces. Hanley’s mounted squirrels rock leather jackets and electric guitars, hold guns and flip middle fingers and, in homage to Hart, don boxing gloves and drink from whiskey bottles. In a controversial move akin to Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan’s 1996 sculpture of a squirrel slumped over a table with a pistol against its head, some are even nailed to crosses. A Florida native, Hanley specializes in Sunshine State species. Armadillos are fashioned into lamps and wrist cuffs, frightening-looking raccoons are strapped down to bondage tables — stickers advertising those shocking pieces read “I DIE FOR TAXIDERMY” — and garfish clutch antiquated light bulbs in their jagged jaws. Paws of all kinds are transformed into simple yet shocking keychains. Hanley will display several of these pieces and others, which sell to collectors all over the world, at Anchor Boutique in St. Augustine on May 31. Hanley isn’t all high art, however; he still does standard taxidermy work — mounting alligators for hunters, sportfish for anglers and deceased pets for grieving owners. But it’s his cutting-edge work that has attracted the most attention — and the most sales via his wife Jen’s online Etsy shop, The Wild Few. Evidence of Hanley’s trade adorns the walls of his and his wife’s New Smyrna Beach home, which is covered from floor to ceiling with shoulder mounts, skeletons, full-body bear rugs and turtle molds, voodoo trinkets, demonic masks, old records and books, vintage photographs, junkie art and other tchotchkes. While he handles most of the gruesome intestine removal, flesh curing and carcass disposal in his fenced-off backyard,

Ryan performs the rest of his craft at an impeccably clean table on an airy sunporch attached to the house. The setup seems benign, until closer examination reveals a fleshing wheel, skull repair tools and teeth and eye molds — along with a freezer in the corner stocked with unusual specimens like otter, bobcat and coyote. Though genial and, at times, excitable, Hanley prefers to let his finished products do the talking. During an interview, he kept most answers to clipped statements like “When I started making my squirrels, there was nothing else like it, which I guess is why it sold so good.” He does deliver a solid zinger, however, when asked about the hours he spends looking for fresh roadkill, cleaning carcasses and refashioning cured flesh into collectible art (“I guess I’m kind of making life last forever,” he says). “I love working with animals,” he says, laughing. “Probably way more than I like working with humans.” Hanley can trace this feeling back to elementary school science camp, when he was fascinated with finding and reconstructing animal bones, even convincing a teacher to let him work with hydrochloric acid and a pig fetus. The journey to taxidermy wasn’t direct; from age 18 to 27, Hanley worked as a garbage man, played guitar in a punkabilly band, constructed cabinets with his father and built up a successful officecleaning business. The cleaning, done mostly at night, afforded him time during the day to apprentice with Robert Bishop of DeLand’s Quality Taxidermy, where he spent 18 months learning the trade and impressing the hard-to- Photo by Jen Hanley please elder craftsman. “He was a hard-ass — a crazy motherfucker,” “People can never believe I’m just over 30,” Hanley says. “I had to do five alligators on Ryan adds. “And everyone thinks we live in my first day, and I didn’t take the fat off the New York or L.A. — not New Smyrna Beach.” first two. So he made me work harder. But he But rednecks are far from Hanley’s only could see that it wasn’t just a job to me; it was constituency. He’s done a pigeon in full death something I loved to do, so he treated me like repose for artist Nate Lowman, who installed I was his own son. He didn’t even charge me it on the floor of Peter the normal $2,000 that he Brant’s gallery in the makes people who want ONE NIGHT ONLY: Brant Foundation Art to learn pay. He’s proud RYAN HANLEY THE TAXIDERMIST Study Center, Greenwich, of where I’ve taken it.” 6 p.m. May 31 at Anchor Boutique, Connecticut, underneath Hanley admits he St. Augustine, 808-7078, Maurizio Cattelan’s wasn’t looking to turn his anchorboutique.com, pigeons, which are taxidermy into a paying thetaxidermist.tumblr.com permanently installed gig. But Jen, who buys in the rafters. Fashionvintage biker fashions forward magazines from Australia to Russia from area flea markets and upcycles them for have featured his work. And Sweat Shop a profit on Etsy, says that as soon she posted Media, which produces reality TV shows for one of Ryan’s heat-packing squirrels on her Spike, True TV and History, is even in the online store, followers immediately asked process of turning Hanley’s story and work where they could buy one. Learning that a into a pilot called Roadkill, Inc. strapping, 6-foot-tall, 32-year-old who sports Yet Hanley’s only local exhibitions have black jeans, metal T-shirts and slicked-back been at St. Augustine’s Anchor Boutique, hair did the work only added to its allure. “When you picture a taxidermist, you think of owned by Laurel Baker [Cover Story, “I Want a 65-year-old redneck with a beard,” Jen says. to Rock,” Nick McGregor, April 24, 2013]. “But even the rednecks think Ryan is crazy.” As he did last year, Hanley will bring along

“I love working with animals. Probably way more than I like working with humans.”

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

homemade French macaroons for his May 31 show at Anchor; asked about the incongruity of a taxidermist making baked confections, he says he tried a $3 version once in New York, liked it, and figured he could make them better (and cheaper) himself. That internal stereotype-defying motivation drives Hanley’s taxidermy, too. “People always told me, ‘You can’t do a gar,’” Hanley says. “Now I catch them all the time and have 20 done up with light bulbs that sell well. [Hipsters] are into it, which is good for me, because I can make a lot of money on them.” Pressing a finger to his lips, he jokingly whispers, “Just don’t tell anybody.” But Hanley deserves credit for more than just turning cast-aside dead animals into scintillating (and lucrative) collectibles. He’s revived a forgotten 150-year-old art form — and a staid, often-misunderstood modern trade — by embracing his own love of biker, rock ’n’ roll and sexual imagery. “Boring taxidermy is everywhere,” he says. “Nobody wants boring. They want to see cool shit.” Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

A&E // ARTS PERFORMANCE

SOCIAL SECURITY Through June 8; dinner 6 p.m.; matinees, 11 a.m. Sat. , noon Sun.; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$55, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. LES MISERABLES Jean Valjean and the French Revolution in the classic French drama, June 6-22 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., $20-$25, 396-4425, theatrejax.com.

COMEDY

RICH GUZZI COMEDY SHOW Part-comedy, part-hypnosis show 8 p.m. May 28-31, $10-$14; adults-only version 10 p.m. May 30 and 31, $20-$25, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, comedyzone.com. KARL ANTHONY 8 p.m. May 30, 7 and 9:30 p.m. May 31, Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside, 365-5555, latthirty.com. DAVE WILLIAMSON 8:04 and 10:10 p.m. May 30 and 31, Jacksonville Comedy Club, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

CHILDREN’S CHORUS AUDITIONS Jacksonville Children’s Chorus and Young Men’s Chorus of Jacksonville audition for 2014-’15 season, May 28 and 29 and June 26. By appointment only, 353-1636, jaxchildrenschorus.org, youngmenschorusjax.org. IMPROVISATION FOR TEENS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds the workshop for teens in grades 9-12, 3 p.m. May 29 and June 5 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-7177, abettheatre.com. WAVES OF REVOLUTION PART II Dr. Berta Arias discusses “Cuba & the Fernandina Connection” 6 p.m. May 30, Amelia Island Museum of History, 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, free for members, $5 for nonmembers, 261-7378, ameliamuseum.org. BATTLE OF THE BANDS CALL Sign-up deadline for musicians, ages 12-18, is May 31. Main Library Conference Center, 303 Laura St. N., Downtown, jaxpublic library.org. NATURE & WILDLIFE EXHIBIT Works in any medium celebrating the natural world for the fifth annual exhibition, held July 26-Aug. 31 at St. Augustine Art Association. Submit up to three images online by June 2; $45, 824-2310, staaa.org.

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

KELLY/SCOTT JAZZ SEXTET Vocalist Lisa Kelly, trumpet player JB Scott, 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. May 30 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Riverside, 355-7584, fridaymusicale.com. CHICAGO Starry Nights series kicks off with the rock-jazz fusion band and the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, 6 p.m. May 31 at Metro Park, Downtown, $84, 354-5547, jaxsymphony.org. WASTE NOT WANT NOT CONCERT Orange Park Chorale’s benefit concert for local charity organization, 8 p.m. May 31, Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 7190 U.S. 17, Fleming Island. THE BIG ORANGE CHORUS Men’s barbershop group performs, 3 p.m. June 1 at T-U Center Terry Theater, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, 287-1896, bigorangechorus.com. AMELIA ISLAND CHAMBER MUSIC FEST Violinists Christiana Liberis and Mary Jo Stilp and electric violinist Sarah Charness and Nadine Terk’s art are featured, 6 p.m. June 1 at Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Parkway, $40, 261-1779, aicmf.com.

ARTWALKS, FESTS, MARKETS

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts and crafts, local produce, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. May 30, Jacksonville Landing, 353-1188. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Art, music, food, farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 31 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449 , riversideartsmarket.com. UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT Gallery and shop tour, 5-9 p.m. May 31 in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152. CELEBRATE ASIA! The fourth annual festival includes lion and dragon dances, Asian food, arts and live orchestra, 7:30-10 p.m. May 31 at Hyatt Regency, 225 E. Coastline Drive, Downtown, $55 general admission, celebrateasia.net. FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK More than 50 galleries, museums and businesses, spanning 15 blocks, 5-9 p.m. June 4, Downtown, iloveartwalk.com.

MUSEUMS

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Waiting for the Train: Henry Flagler & the Florida East Coast Railroad, through June 1. CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM Flagler College, 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert. Lily Kuonen’s exhibit PLAYNTINGSSGNITNALP, through June 20. Summer hours are 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon.-Fri. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummer.org. Art collectors share pieces in Collector’s Choice: Inside the Hearts and Minds of Regional Collectors, through Sept. 14. FSU Professor William Walmsley displays works through July 8. The Human Figure: Sculptures by Enzo Torcoletti runs through September. A Commemoration of the Civil Rights Movement: Photography from the High Museum of Art is on display through Nov. 2. KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org. Revisiting French Light, Florida Light, an exhibit held in cooperation with the Sister Cities Association and Nantes, France, features watercolors, oils and acrylics by Gordon Meggison; it’s on display through June 28. MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, 366-6911, mocajacksonville.com. Shaun Thurston’s Project Atrium: One Spark, through June 6. Students in MOCA’s outreach program, Rainbow Artists: Art and Autism display work through June 1. New York Times Magazine

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Photographs, curated by Kathy Ryan and Lesley Martin, runs through Aug. 24. Scott Ingram exhibits a survey collection of drawings and objects through Aug. 24. Free admission, 5-9 p.m. every Thur. through Aug. 24. MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. Uncovering the Past: Archaeological Discoveries of North Florida, through August. French in Florida Gallery, digital reproductions of engravings of 16th century Florida, through July 6. VISITOR INFORMATION CENTER 10 W. Castillo Dr., St. Augustine, 825-1000, staugustine-450.com. Journey: 450 years of the African-American Experience, through July 15. WORLD GOLF HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM Honoring the Legacy: A Tribute to African-Americans in Golf – photos, audio, video, memorabilia from late-1800s to the present – in the permanent collection.

GALLERIES

ALLEN LAND GROUP GALLERY 7220 Financial Way, Ste. 400, Southside, artworksforfreedom.org. A Painter, a Printmaker, a Photographer and Candlestick Makers, works of Jessie Barnes, Jack Allen and Laird, opens 6-9 p.m. June 19. Proceeds benefit nonprofit ArtWorks for Freedom. AMIRO ART & FOUND 9C Aviles St., St. Augustine, 824-8460, amiroartandfound.com. By the Sea – works by Jeanine Maleno, Jim McBride, Nancy Hamlin-Vogler, Deane Kellogg and Wendy Mandel McDaniel – opens during First Friday Art Walk, 5-9 p.m. June 6; on display through June. THE ART CENTER PREMIER GALLERY 50 N. Laura St., Downtown, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org. Jacksonville Life, “things that made our city great,” through July 8. BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS 869 Stockton St., Ste. 1, Riverside, 855-1181. CoRK Arts’ Crystal Floyd displays mixed media, terrariums and screen prints created with Bold Bean espresso mixed with the ink. CoRK ARTS DISTRICT 2689 Rosselle St., Riverside, corkartsdistrict.tumblr.com. Clay Doran releases the first edition of comic Grim Times, June 7, East Gallery. Eva, Chase, Wood? – a collaborative exhibit of paintings and performance – features Eva Matthews, Tony Wood, Jennifer Chase and Lauren Fincham, 8 p.m. June 13 and 14, North Gallery, 603 King St., $10-$12, artful.ly/store/events/2806. THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614. Under the Tall Sky, mixed-media works by Barbara Holmes-Fryfield and ceramic sculptures by Fay Samimi, through July 3. ECHO III 400 E. Bay St., Downtown. Photographer Elena Rodriguez holds a pop-up exhibit of local photographers’ work, 6-9 p.m. June 7. Photos display 6-10 p.m. June 4 for Art Walk. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216 First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. The 12th annual Sea Turtle Show – sea turtle themed jewelry, paintings, photography, metal, glass works – through July 7. Benefits Beaches Sea Turtle Patrol. FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Rd., Southside, 425-2845, floridamininggallery.com. Diogenes The Dog & Ryan Rummel, pieces from each artist, through July 3. HASKELL GALLERY & DISPLAY CASES JIA, 14201 Pecan Park Rd., Northside, 741-3546. Keith Doles’ Street Series and Street Corners, through June 29. Dorian Eng’s Chinese and Japanese art, Temari and Yubinuki, through July 7 in Connector Bridge Art. Marsha Glaziere’s Eclectic Coffee Spots in Puget Sound through July 5 in Concourse A and C display cases. HIGHWAY GALLERY floridamininggallery.com. Nathaniel Artkart Price, Ken Daga, Ashley C. Waldvogel, Brianna Angelakis, Christina Foard, Linda Olsen, Sara Pedigo, Zach Fitchner and Russell Maycumber are featured on digital billboards throughout the city through July. J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200. Ex Libris – featuring works by Cara Barer, Doug Beube, Long-Bin Chen, Brian Dettmer, Jessica Drenk, Andrew Hayes, Alexander Korzer-Robinson, Guy Laramee and Francesca Pastine – includes pieces made by carving, cutting, folding and assembling books, encyclopedias and other bound literature journals; through June 13. THE LOOKING LAB 107 E. Bay St., Downtown, 917-239-3772. Art in Empty Store Fronts features multimedia video art and sculptures by Crystal Floyd and David Montgomery. PLUM GALLERY 9 Aviles St., St. Augustine, 825-0069, plumartgallery.com. American Craftsmen – an exhibit that features mixed-media sculptures, handcrafted furniture, stained glass and linocut prints – opens with a reception 5-9 p.m. June 6 during First Friday Art Walk; on display through August. Works by Nicola Barsaleau, Meagan Chaney Gumpert, Jessie Cook, Duke Darnold and Rachel deCuba are featured. ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. The Florida Artist Group (FLAG) presents its annual juried exhibit through May. Miniature Marks, with nearly 100 pieces, each no larger than 12 inches, through June 1. SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 201 N. Hogan St., Ste. 100, Downtown, 553-6361, southlightgallery.com. Ctrl + Alt + Image, works by 24 UNF students in Alternative Camera & Alternative Photographic Processes course, at the UNF ArtSpace. May’s exhibit features pieces by 49 artists, including Jane Shirek and UNF graduate Jessie Barnes. space:eight GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838, spaceeight.com. Features lowbrow, pop surrealism, street and underground art by nationally and internationally acclaimed artists.

To submit your arts-related event, email djohnson@folioweekly.com. Print deadline is 4 p.m. Mon., nine days before publication.

BITE-SIZED

Tom Gray, Moxie Kitchen + Cocktails Photo: Caron Streibich

PRO TIPS Where do local chefs eat?

(Next to Target)

recently spotted Howard Kirk, the chef at Riverside’s 13 Gypsies, dining at 5 Points’ Corner Taco, which prompted a question: Where do local chefs choose to eat when they’re not at work devouring their own culinary creations? After all, these guys know food, so maybe their choices can inform ours. I put the question — four questions, actually: 1.) What three restaurants do you frequent the most in Northeast Florida? 2.) What’s your go-to dish at these places? 3.) Why do you eat most often at your favorite spot? 4.) What’s your guilty culinary pleasure? — to four high-profile local chefs. Their answers were illuminating.

Scott Schwartz, 29 South Restaurant (Fernandina Beach), chef for 23 years 1. Taverna, Black Sheep, Moxie Kitchen + Cocktails. 2. Taverna’s pasta with pork Ragu, Black Sheep’s pastrami sandwich topped with chicken liver mousse, and Moxie’s fried chicken livers or the short rib. 3. The restaurant I eat at most often in Northeast Florida is Taverna because I love the simple approach to classic Italian cooking. 4. Good old-school soul food at the Soul Food Bistro. My wife only lets me eat there a couple times a year, but sometimes I sneak in a lunch with the boys. Always finish the meal with a slice of hummingbird cake. Chris Dickerson, Corner Taco (5 Points), chef for 8 years 1. Orsay, 13 Gypsies, Pom’s. 2. Steak frites at Orsay, duck shu mai at Pom’s, chorizo at 13 Gypsies. 3. The restaurant I eat at most often in Northeast Florida is Orsay because it’s so solid. 4. Chocolate soufflé at Roy’s. 26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

Tom Gray, Moxie Kitchen + Cocktails (St. Johns Town Center), chef for 18 years 1. I have many favorites — too many to mention! When I’m with my family, we try to hit spots my son enjoys, so that usually means Sakura for sushi and Picasso’s for the pizza. 2. Sakura’s tuna salad, octopus salad and the sushi rolls. At Picasso’s, Chef Chris knows I’m in the house when “The Gift” is ordered with the Mediterranean crust, marinara on the side. 3. The restaurant I eat at most often in Northeast Florida is Taverna because, when it’s date night, it’s close to home and offers fresh, flavorful choices. 4. Ice cream. Just can’t get enough — I’m a sucker for anything salty/sweet like salted caramel, or peanut butter and chocolate. Dennis Chan, Blue Bamboo (Southside), chef for 9 years 1. Just had a great dinner at Moxie. Went to Tacolu for lunch yesterday, and I also love El Ranchito on Beach near San Pablo. But since I have very little time away from Blue Bamboo, Las Antillas across the street from us has the best Puerto Rican mofongo and lechon roast pork around, and I can’t beat the convenience. 2. Love that mofongo with roast pork! 3. The restaurant I eat at most often in Northeast Florida is Las Antillas because they’re neighbors, their food is excellent and they’re a sweet family restaurant. 4. Oh, man, I love the illegal late-night taco stand on University Boulevard after a busy weekend night on the line. Their tacos are $2 each, and my health inspector told me what to order! Caron Streibich biteclub@folioweekly.com facebook/folioweeklybitesized

DINING DIRECTORY To have your restaurant listed, contact your account manager or Sam Taylor, 904.260.9770 ext. 111 staylor@folioweekly.com DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8- $14 $$$ = $15- $22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted a free Folio Weekly Bite Club tasting. Join at fwbiteclub.com. BOJ = 2013 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919. F In historic downtown, the popular bistro’s Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality in an upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269. F In a historic building, family-owned spot serves worldly taste fare: homemade veggie burgers, fresh seafood, made-fromscratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub offers beer brewed onsite. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO, 302 Centre St., 206-4311. Owners Luke and Kim Misciasci offer fine dining: veal piccata, rigatoni Bolognese, antipasto; house specialties are chicken Ciao, homemade-style meat lasagna. $ L Fri. & Sat.; D Nightly DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049. In Historic District. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb served in an elegant, chic spot. $$$$ FB D Nightly DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444. F In a renovated 1887 shotgun house. Favorites: jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan, vegetarian selections. Dine inside or on the porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE, 11 S. Seventh St., 432-8394. F Creative lunch: po’boys, salads, little plates served in a historic house. Dinner: fresh local seafood, Fernandina shrimp. Reservations recommended. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400. F BOJ winner. Northern-style pizzas, with more than 20 toppings, are served by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141. Awarded Snail of Approval. Casual organic eatery and juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, coffee, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes and breads. Everything’s made from scratch. $ TO B L Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132. Bite Club certified. Omni Amelia Island Plantation Spa & Shops. Bistro-style venue has an innovative menu: whole fried fish and duck breast. Outdoor dining. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811. F See ICW sunsets from second-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, original broiled cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652. F BOJ. Oceanfront place serves award-winning handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles. Outdoor dining, open-air 2nd fl oor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. 8th St., 261-6310. F This spot in an old gas station offers blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 19 & 20, 745-9301. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8818 Atlantic Blvd., 720-0106. See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

THE CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966. F BOJ winner. Middle Eastern/Mediterranean fare. Patio, hookah lounge. Wi-Fi, bellydancers. $$ BW L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 3543 St. Johns Ave., 829-5790. F In Green Man Gourmet, this shop has wines, spices, fresh fruit ice pops and Belgian chocolates. See Ponte Vedra. $$ TO ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE, 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40, 388-4884. F Churrascaria gauchos carve the meat onto your plate from serving tables. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sun. THE FOX RESTAURANT, 3580 St. Johns Ave., 387-2669. F Owners Ian & Mary Chase offer fresh diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, fried green tomatoes, desserts. Breakfast all day. Local landmark for 50+ years. $$ BW K L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 4530 St. Johns Ave., 388-8828. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 3611 St. Johns

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Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 Pinegrove Ave., 389-8655. F BOJ winner. For 40+ years serving hearty fare: Cuban sandwiches, burgers, subs, wraps, homemade chicken salad, in a family spot. Onsite butcher shop cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., Ortega, 3871000. F Down-home cooking from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA, Ste. 3, 10920 Baymeadows Rd. E., 519-8000. F Family-owned-andoperated Italian pizzeria serves calzones, strombolis, wings, brick-oven-baked pizza, subs, desserts. Delivery. $$ BW K TO L D Daily INDIA’S RESTAURANT, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777. F Authentic Indian cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8206 Philips Hwy., Baymeadows Junction, 732-9433. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 7377740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily PIZZA PALACE RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 527-8649. F Relaxed, family-owned place serves homestyle cuisine. Local faves include spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna, parmigiana. Outside dining; HD TVs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 8133 Point Meadows Dr., 519-0509. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template t o create dishes like tandoori lamb chops and rosemary tikka. Vegetarian items are cooked separately in vegetable oil. $ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.

BEACHES

(Locations are Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002. F BOJ winner. Celebrating more than 20 years, Al’s is a repeat Best Pizza winner in the annual BOJ readers’ poll. New York-style and gourmet pizzas. All-day happy hour Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily BREEZY COFFEE SHOP CAFE, 235 Eighth Ave. S., 241-2211. F Casual, family-owned shop serves fresh-baked goods, espressos, locally roasted coffees, vegan and gluten-free options. Sandwiches, local beer. $ BW K TO B R L Daily BUDDHA THAI BISTRO, 301 10th Ave. N., 712-4444. The proprietors are from Thailand; every dish is made with fresh ingredients, beautifully presented. $$ FB TO L D Daily CASA MARIA, 2429 S. Third St., 372-9000. F Familyowned-and-operated place offers authentic Mexican fare: fajitas and seafood dishes, hot sauces made in-house. The specialty is tacos de asada. $ FB K L D Daily CRUISERS GRILL, 319 23rd Ave. S., 270-0356. F BOJ winner. Locally owned and operated for 15+ years, this casual place serves half-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, award-winning cheddar fries and sangria. $ BW K L D Daily ENGINE 15 BREWING CO., 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337. F BOJ winner. Gastropub fare: soups, flatbreads, sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Craft beers and brew groups. $ FB K L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. F Fusion of Latin American and Southwestern-influenced fare: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100+ tequilas. Outdoor seating. $ FB L D Daily LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024. F Locally owned & operated. Fresh, off-the-boat local seafood, fish tacos, houseground burgers, wings, handcut fries, tater tots; daily specials. $$ FB K L D Daily; R Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1222 Third St. S., 372-4495. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 N. Third St., 247-9620. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-2922. F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, fl atbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine indoors or out, patio and courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. Hoagies, salads, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-5573. F Near-the-ocean eatery, 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside or on the patio. Valet parking. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat.

Natalie Fernandez and Edith Mondragon, of Cantina Maya in Atlantic Beach, show off two of the Mexican sports bar and grill’s specialties: tequilas and buckets of ice-cold beer. Photo: Dennis Ho MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. F BOJ winner. Funky Southern blues kitchen. Pulled pork, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, all the sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-2599. F BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure fl ippin’ burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, familiar fare, moderate prices. Dine inside or outside. $$ BW L D Daily POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637. F American gastropub named for the poet. 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877. F For 30 years, popular seafood place has scored many awards in our BOJ readers poll. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 246-0881. Beachcasual atmosphere. Customer faves: fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, homemade ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000. F BOJ winner. Full-service bar (with more than 20 beers on tap), TV screens covering entire walls and cheerleader s serving the food. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324. F New York-style deli offers freshly made fare: subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. AMERICAN GRILL, Jacksonville Landing, 353-7522. Fullservice restaurant serves traditional fare: pot pies, steaks, burgers, pizza, pot roast, vegetarian dishes. $$ BW L D Daily BENNY’S STEAK & SEAFOOD, Jax Landing, Ste. 175, 301-1014. This steak-and-seafood house serves Continental cuisine with such signature dishes as the Filet Christian. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ NOLA at MOCAJax, 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911. F Shrimp & grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Thur. & ArtWalk CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi has been serving genuine Italian fare for 36+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. The homemade salad dressing is a specialty. $$ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. CASA MARIA, 12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104, 757-6411. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, Jax Landing, 354-7747. F Chicago-style deep-dish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from Chicago’s Comastro family. $$ FB K TO L D Daily CHOMP CHOMP, 106 E. Adams St., 762-4667. F Eats at moderate prices – most less than $10. Chef-inspired street food: panko-crusted chicken, burgers, chinois tacos, bahn mi and barbecue. $ L Tue.-Sat.; D Fri. & Sat. CINCO DE MAYO, Jax Landing, 329-2892. Authentic yet mild dishes: fajitas, tacos, burritos, enchiladas. Din e indoors or outside. $$ FB L D Daily FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547. BOJ winner. This pub offers casual dining with an uptown Irish atmosphere, serving fi sh and chips, Guinness lamb stew and black-andtan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily HOOTERS, Jax Landing, Ste. 103, 356-5400. The chain, popular for its waitresses, features wings, steamed shrimp, oysters, burgers, seafood, sandwiches. $$ FB TO L D Daily KOJA SUSHI, Ste. 222, Jax Landing, 350-9911. F BOJ winner. Owners John and Tony, in the sushi game for 10+ years, offer sushi, sashimi, and Japanese, Asian, Korean cuisine. Hard-to-find items like baby octopus salad, too. Dine inside or out. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly VILLAGE BREAD CAFE, Ste. 175, Jax Landing, 683-7244. Locally owned; bagels, omelets, sandwiches on homestyle

bread, salads, pizzas, pastries. $ TO B L Mon.-Sat. VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE, Jax Landing, Ste. 174, 355-3002. Traditional Italian and Mediterranean menu: pasta, steak and seafood entrées. Desserts, including tiramisu and cannoli, are homemade. Daily happy hour. $ FB L D Daily ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283. American favorites and Mediterranean fare in a casual atmosphere; panini, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB L Mon.-Fri

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F BOJ winner. See Riverside. $ BW TO Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100, 215-2223. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 1605 C.R. 220, 278-9421. F 50+ premium tap domestic, imported beers. Starters, burgers, sandwiches, entrées, made to order with fresh ingredients. Lots of TVs for watching sports. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198. F Real fish camp serves gator tail, freshwater river catfish, daily specials, traditional meals, on Swimming Pen Creek. Outdoor Tiki bar. Come by boat, motorcycle or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

4 BONES BARBECUE, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 20, 419-9855. Classic Southern barbecue: Pulled pork, brisket, chicken, turkey, ribs, chorizo served market-style by the pound. Mac ’n’ cheese, baked beans, cole slaw, green beans. Specialty sandwiches, banana pudding. $ K TO L D Tue.-Sat. AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 14333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 39, 992-1666. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some La Nops have a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE TENT HOOKAH LOUNGE, 12041 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4, 551-2962. Authentic fare, hookahs and flavored tobacco, specials and live belly dancing and fl oor seating, in keeping with that authenticity thing. Open late. $ BW L D Daily TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999. F Locally-owned-and-operated grill serves hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps in a clean, sporty atmosphere. Daily drink specials, HD TVs, pool tables, darts, trivia. Late-night menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

JULINGTON CREEK

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 101, St. Johns, 825-4540. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, St. Johns, 819-1554. F See Fleming Island. $$ FB K L D Daily

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F From the dolmades (stuffed grape leaves) to the baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Athens has all the favorites. G reek

MISE OF BENEFIT

DINING DIRECTORY GRILL ME!

A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE FOOD BIZ

contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, salads, sides and desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly MSHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ BW L D Daily OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730. BOJ. Tapas, small plates of Spanish and Italian flavors: ceviche fresco, pappardelle bolognese. 240-bottle wine list, 75 by the glass, craft spirits. Outdoor dining. $$ FB R, Sun.; D Nightly

NAME: Robert DeBrule RESTAURANT: Sliders Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach YEARS IN THE BIZ: 16 FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Café Karibo in Fernandina Beach

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beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 1, 880-7087. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040. F American-style steakhouse features Angus steaks, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps. $$ FB K L D Mon.-Sat. KAZU JAPANESE RESTAURANT, 9965 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 35, 683-9903. The new place has a wide variety of soups, dumplings, appetizers, salads, bento boxes, sushi, entrées, maki handrolls, sashimi. $$ FB TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 11700 San Jose Blvd., 288-0175. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some locations offer a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT PIZZA & GRILL, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773. F This casual, family-friendly eatery serves pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers and pasta dishes. Gluten-free friendly. $ FB K L D Daily RENNA’S PIZZA, 11111 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 292-2300. F Casual New York-style pizzeria. Calzones, antipasto, parmigiana, homemade breads. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

ARON’S PIZZA, 650 Park Ave., 269-1007. F Familyowned restaurant has eggplant dishes, manicotti, New York-style pizzas. $$ BW K TO L D Daily © 2014 DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1540 Wells Rd., 269-2122. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Road, 272-5959. Southern-style dining. Specialties: New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. KRISTIN’S ON THE RIVER, 2511 Blanding Blvd., 3899455. This newly re-opened spot serves seafood and American favorites. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 9734 Crosshill Blvd., 908-4250. 2024 Kingsley Ave., 276-2776. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove Springs, 284-7789. F All over the area, they pile ’em high and serve ’em fast. Hot/cold subs, soups, salads. $ K TO B L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611. F Wings, sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas; 35+ years. Pool tables, darts, foosball, TVs. 75+ imported beers. $ FB L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA, NW ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 145 Hilden Rd., Ste. 122, 829-5790. Hand-crafted in the onsite factory, with premium Belgian chocolate, fruits, nuts and spices. Cookies and popsicles. Claude’s will ship your order. $$ TO LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797. Chef David Medure creates with a wide range of global flavors. The lounge offers small plates, creative drinks and entertainment, including happy hour twice daily. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat.

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BLACK SHEEP RESTAURANT, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793. BOJ winner. New American favorites with a Southern twist, made with locally sourced ingredients. Awesome rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1-2, 855-1181. F BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412. Made-from-scratch “semi-swanky street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free and vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 5972 San Juan Ave., Westside, 693-9258. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474.

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

F BOJ. Juice bar has certified organic fruit, vegetables. Artisanal cheese, 300+ craft/import beer, organic wines, produce, meats, wraps, raw, vegan. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS, 1001 Park St., 508-0342. The new spot is based on Asian street vendors. A collection of hawker recipes is served under one roof. $ BW TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., Westside, 446-9500. 8102 Blanding Blvd., Westside, 779-1933. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, 999-4600. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ winner. See Amelia Island. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434. F Southwestern dishes like fresh fish tacos and chicken enchiladas are popular. Happy hour runs Mon.-Sat. in the upstairs lounge, and all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300. F Traditional Irish fare like shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese and fish-n-chips. Outdoor patio dining is available. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0049. F Beer (Bold City, Intuition Ale Works), wine, pizza, hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily AVILES RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 32 Avenida Menendez, 829-2277. F Hilton Bayfront Hotel. Progressive Europeanflavored menu; made-to-order pasta night, wine dinners, chophouse nights, deluxe breakfast buffet. Sun. champagne brunch bottomless mimosas. Free valet. $$$ FB K B L D Daily CANDLELIGHT SOUTH, 1 Anastasia Blvd., 819-0588. F Brand-new on the island, the casual restaurant originally in Scarsdale, N.Y., offers fish tacos, sandwiches, wings, desserts and sangria. Daily specials. $ BW K TO L D Daily CARMELO’S MARKETPLACE & PIZZERIA, 146 King St., 494-6658. F New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats, cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 6 Granada St., 829-5790. Inside The Market. Wine and chocolate pairings, soft-serve ice cream, a coffee bar, fresh fruit ice pops, cookies. $$ TO CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655. Updated Southern fare: fresh, local ingredients from area farms. Vegetarian, gluten-free, too. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., Anastasia Island, 824-8244. F A mainstay for a quarter-century, Gypsy’s menu changes twice daily. Signature dish is Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765. F New Orleans-style. Cajun, Creole, Southern flavors with a modern twist: fresh seafood, steaks, pork, jambalaya, shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 155 Hampton Point Dr., 230-7879. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PACIFIC ASIAN BISTRO, 159 Palencia Village Dr., Ste. 111, 808-1818. F BOJ winner. Chef Mas Lui creates 30+ unique sushi rolls; fresh sea scallops, Hawaiian-style poke tuna salad. $$-$$$ BW L D Daily TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 547-0240. Newish fusion place specializes in healthful American fare with a Latin flair. $$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

MOXIE KITCHEN + COCKTAILS, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744. Chef Tom Gray’s place features innovative

CRUISERS GRILL, 5613 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1, 737-2874. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO B L D Daily

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK, ST. NICHOLAS

BASIL THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190. F Pad Thai, curries, sushi, served in a relaxing environment. Dine indoors or on the patio. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. THE GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Varied tapas menu of artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschettas, homestyle cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1631 Hendricks Ave., 399-1768. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922. Matthew Medure’s flagship. Fine dining, European-style atmosphere. Artfully presented cuisine, small plates, extensive martini/ wine lists. Reservations. $$$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701. F BOJ winner. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, homemade soups. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815. F See Baymeadows. $$ BW TO L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE

360° GRILLE, LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 3655555. F Seafood, steaks, burgers, chicken, sandwiches, pizza. Dine inside, on patio. $$ FB TO L D Daily ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212. Longest-running dinner theater. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s menus coordinated with stage productions. Reservations suggested. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. CASA MARIA, 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd., 619-8186. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. Dim sum favorites: shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball; plus traditional Hong Kong noodles and barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F See Orange Park. BOJ winner. $ K TO B L D Daily MANGIA! ITALIAN BISTRO & BAR, 3210 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 551-3061. F Chef/owner Tonino DiBella offers fine dining – fresh seafood, veal, steaks, New York-style pizza, desserts. Happy hour Mon.-Sat. Patio. $$$ FB K TO L D Mon.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955. F See Beaches. Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. $ BW K TO L D Daily SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., 997-1999. F Local seafood, steaks, pizzas. Brewer Aaron Nesbit handcrafts award-winning freshly brewed ales and lagers. Inside, outdoors. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Court, 854-0426. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily WATAMI BUFFET, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. All-you can-eat sushi, plus choice of two items from teppanyaki grill. $ FB K L D Daily. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 551-5929. F Apps and bar food: German pretzels, hummus, pickle chips, flatbreads. Craft drafts from Germany, Cali, Florida (Bold City brews), Ireland, Belgium. $$ BW L D Daily

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. F BOJ winner. NASCAR-themed spot has 365 kinds of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100. F Fresh Mexican fare: fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. Happy hour daily; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner, 764-9999. See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily SAVANNAH BISTRO, 14670 Duval Rd., 741-4404. F Low Country Southern fare, taste of Mediterranean and French. Crowne Plaza Airport. Crab cakes, New York strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. Rainforest Lounge. $$$ FB K B L D Daily.

ASTROLOGY

COWPIES, SPIDERS, REGRETS & GHOSTS ATTENTION, HOPEFUL ISU WRITERS: The word limit for ISU notices is now 40 words ONLY. NO ISU submissions with more than 40 words will be accepted. Please keep messages short & sweet. Count before you submit! Thanks! HATED CIDERS, LIKED YOUR SMILE You: Serving SweetWaters. Me: Green-eyed brunette drinking them. Met three times; I blushed in Fans & Stoves. ISU again same day, said hello. You said you were creeping. We exchanged names; didn’t ask numbers. When: May 17. Where: Eco-Fest. #1366-0528

BEAUTIFUL POKER PLAYER @ PLAYERS ISU after poker Wednesday, with redheaded friend. Your beautiful blonde hair caught my eye. You: White top. Me: Black blue-striped golf shirt, admired you from bar. You hugged girls; want one of those hugs! When: April 23. Where: Players Grill. #1354-0430

ROGUE MEN MUSCLE HOTTIE Young Adonis-like dude in corner of Aardwolf with friends. Tight T-shirt, dark eyes, biceps. U guys were rockin’ but I caught you lookin’. Me: Tall guy, Jags cap. Hit me up or meet at next Rogue Men. When: May 16. Where: Aardwolf/ Rogue Men. #1365-0521

YOU HELD DOOR OPEN FOR ME ... Me: Tall brunette, blue shirt. You: Brown hair, beautiful eyes, burgundy shirt/jeans, black Chevy SUV or Escalade. I think you went in Walmart after I did. I looked for you; love to meet again. When: April 21. Where: Walmart Gas Station Philips Hwy. #1353-0430

STATUESQUE BEAUTY WAITING IN MIND In pharmacy RX line. You: Tall, gorgeous dress, flats. I asked if you ever wore heels. Beautiful laugh. Me: Not as tall, looking scruffy off work; clean up well. You left, said you’d be back. Date slightly shorter? I’m your RX. When: May 14. Where: CVS Blanding Blvd. #1364-0521

ISU LOOKING AT ISU! At Mandarin Library; reading the back of Folio Weekly, laughing. Assumed it was ISU. You: Cute brunette, wonderful laugh. Me: Tall muscular brunette, checking DVDs out. Love to know the person behind the laughter. Where: Mandarin Library. When: April 16. #1352-0423

HOT-N-READY BABY You: Tall, bald, sexy; getting in white Mercedes. I became enthralled when I saw your 10 pizzas. Love a man who can eat. I’ll be waiting in a leopard shirt every Wed. 8 p.m. Forget pizzas; get Hot-N-Ready with me. When: May 14. Where: Little Caesars Pizza, Southside. #1363-0521

SO WAS IT ALTERNATOR? You: Inadvertently at my moving sale, Atlantic Beach, Sunday a.m., working on buddy’s wife’s Jeep. You looked sexy under the hood working with your hands; my morning was more exciting! Bummed you never returned. Take me for a ride in your Altima before it sells? I’ll handle the heat! Where: Eakin & Sneed Law Firm, AB. When: April 13. #1351-0423

BEAUTIFUL BLONDE AT APPLEBY’S ISU with fellow workers. I was at bar watching TVs above you, with my daughter and son-in-law. Our eyes met; I felt the attraction. I want to meet the lady who made my heart jump! When: May 13. Where: Applebee’s, Old St. Augustine Rd. #1362-0521 SPACED-OUT CUT-UP SMURF SHIRT, RED CONVERSE ISU dancing your own dance, apologized for male gender, took glasses off to dance. You: Retirement home server near Sawgrass; discussed labyrinth of suffering. Told me to wait; never returned. Me: Vest, purple shirt. When: May 9. Where: The Loft, Riverside. #1361-0514

MUDVILLE GRILLE TRIVIA NIGHT You: At bar, waiting for (first?) date. My buddy and I were woefully undermanned for trivia; you jumped in to help! Me: Blue-shirted guy with onion ring fetish. I like how we connected; you were busy when your date came. Did it work out? :-) Where: Mudville Trivia. When: April 4. #1350-0423 I SAW MY FUTURE ISU hanging at a friend’s. Looking into your eyes, there was something about you; you felt it, too. You: Blue jeans, black top; I remember smile most. Your voice was a sign from heaven; my angel was there for me to love. When: 2011. Where: Captiva Bluff. #1349-0416

TATTOOS & TRUCK You: Hot, tattooed boy, black truck. Me: Red lips, silver Rodeo. Drove side-by-side, JTB to Riverside. I turned on Park, lost you. Should’ve rolled my window down when you said hi at the light. Go for a drive? When: May 6. Where: JTB to I-95N. #1360-0514

DAD NEEDS CUSTOMER SERVICE Came in with daughter; you helped her find a skirt. Help me find a way to your heart? You: Short blonde hair, folding shirts, men’s section. Me: Salt & pepper, gray in beard, love to jog, hope things work out for us ;-). When: March 28. Where: Forever 21 Avenues. #1348-0416

I BOUGHT YOU A BUD LIGHT Met at the bar, you had a nice smile. Asked if I was in military, we complained about slow service. Told you I was married. Hope you’re interested in just friends. Let me know. When: May 3. Where: Acapulco’s. #1359-0514

PUBLIX SMILE & WAVE BLONDE BEAUTY Atlantic & Hodges. You: Pretty blonde, blue eyes, blue workout clothes. Me: 6 feet tall, blue eyes, blue shirt. Eyes met on opposite lines. Almost sprained my neck. You smiled, waved, left. Should’ve run after. Don’t get chances to connect, desire I felt. Take a chance. When: April 3. Where: Publix Atlantic/ Hodges. #1347-0409

HOT BUTCH GIRL Hey, black Incahoots cut-off shirt, name R_, #27 on back. Buff arms, legs; couldn’t take my eyes off u on rowing machine! You can row my boat anytime! ;-) Sincerely, Hot brunette femme, hot pink tank top. When: May 3. Where: Riverside YMCA. #1358-0507 MEET FOR BREAKFAST AGAIN? You: Detective, JSO Organized Crime Unit, PDDS Division. Me: Work from home for IT company. We sat beside each other at breakfast. Chatted; hoped you’d ask me out; you didn’t. Single? Meet for breakfast again? Get in touch. When: May 3. Where: U.S. 17 Waffle House. #1357-0507 CUTIE WITH TEA & HOOKAH Amsterdam, Tuesday 9-11 p.m. You: Zip-up hoodie, alone. We made eye contact. Me: Black dress. I went to bathroom; my friend said you’d leave number. So excited; you left suddenly without saying anything, before I said hey. Went outside, you were gone! Meet again? :) When: March 30. Where: Amsterdam Hookah Lounge. #1356-0507 HOT BRUNETTE, COLORFUL TOP, WHITE SHORTS You: Gorgeous brunette at Salty Pelican Saturday night; with a friend. We shared a moment; we both felt it. Hope you read this, hope to hear back. You’re one in a million – beautiful green-eyed brunette. When: April 26. Where: Salty Pelican, Fernandina. #1355-0507

OWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

ATLANTIC BLVD. CHOPPER HOTTIE VA TAGS You: Harley jacket, copper Chopper westbound with buddy. Blowing me kisses. Me: Pink hair, tattoos, gray Chevy Cobalt. Come see me at Regis salon, Town Center so I can catch some kisses. When: April 3. Where: Atlantic Boulevard. #1346-0409 DONOVAN’S IRISH PUB You: Alone at bar, ball cap, having dinner, talked football with others. Me: Blonde, pink shirt across bar with friend. Made eye contact; I felt attraction across the room. Wish I had your name; didn’t want to be rude to friend. Asked bartender if you’re a regular; didn’t know. Hope you see this. When: March 30. Where: Donovan’s. #1345-0409 POOL BOY & FORMER POOL GIRL We were parked next to each other. You weren’t satisfi ed with the car wash. I borrowed your vacuum. Loved your tattoo. I should have ... Haven’t/can’t stop thinking about you. When: March 23. Where: CarBux San Jose. #1344-0402 BEAUTIFUL ASIAN AT PAPA JOHN’S ARGYLE You: Asian and beautiful, drives late model Hyundai. We made eye contact briefly. I feel like a fool for not asking for your number. Describe me and let’s start the revolution. When: March 19. Where: Papa John’s. #1343-0326

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “When I was young,” wrote French author Albert Camus, “I expected people to give me more than they could — continuous friendship, permanent emotion.” That didn’t work out too well. Over and over, he was awash in disappointment. “Now I have learned to expect less of them than they can give,” he concluded. “Their emotions, their friendship and noble gestures keep their full miraculous value in my eyes; wholly the fruit of grace.” Make an adjustment like this in the months ahead. Astrological omens suggest you experience a blessing like Camus received. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Rarely, some earthquakes occur in slow-motion, 22 to 34 miles down, where tectonic plates are hotter and gooier. Unlike the sudden, shocking jolts of typical temblors, this gradual variety can take many days to uncoil. Your destiny will resemble this in the next few months. Your foundations rustle and rumble, but slowly and gently. The release of energy will be quite massive. The realignment of deep structures will be epic, but no big disturbances or damages. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Some night soon, you’ll dream of being naked on stage in front of a big audience. Maybe not completely naked; there’s a strong possibility you’re wearing pink-and-green-striped socks and a gold crown. It gets worse. In your dream, you forget what you were going to say to the expectant crowd. Your mouth moves but no words come out. That’s the bad news. The good news? You’ve been warned; do what you need to so nothing like that happens in real life. When you have to show what you’ve got and make a splashy impression, you’ll be well-prepared. CANCER (June 21-July 22): When I go into a meditative state to seek insight about your future, I have a reverie about a hearty sapling growing out of a fallen tree rotting on the forest fl oor. I see exuberant mushrooms sprouting from a cowpie in a pasture, compost nourishing a watermelon patch. What do my visions mean? You’re going through a phase of metaphorical death and decay, shedding, purging and flushing. In the process, you’re preparing top-notch fertilizer. It won’t be ready for a while, but when it is, a growth spurt begins. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): ”Dear Diary: Almost everything that was possible to change has changed these last 12 months. I’m not kidding and nor exaggerating. Getting just one of my certainties destroyed would’ve been OK; I long ago grew accustomed to the gradual chip-chip-chipping away of secure foundations. This most recent phase, when even pretty illusions of stability got smashed, set a record. Why am I still standing strong and proud? Why am I not cowering in the corner muttering to spiders? Have I somehow found some new source of power unavailable until my defenses were totally stripped away? I’ll go with that.” VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): About 32,000 years ago, squirrels in northeast Siberia buried the fruits of a flowering plant deep in their burrows, below the permafrost level. Then a flood swept through the area. The water froze and permanently sealed the fruits in an ice layer. They were preserved there until 2007, when a team of scientists excavated them and coaxed them to grow into viable plants. Their success has a metaphorical resemblance to a project you’ll pull off in the next 12 months. Not sure what form: A resuscitation? A

resurrection or recovery? A dormant dream revival? The thawing of a frozen asset or the return of a lost resource? LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): For German physicist Arnold Sommerfeld, the good news was that he was nominated for a Nobel Prize 81 times. The bad news? He never won. Actor Richard Burton had a similar fate. He was nominated for an Academy Award seven times, but never got an Oscar. If there’s anything that even vaguely resembles that in your life, the next 12 months are the most favorable time ever to break the spell. In the next few weeks, you get a hint how it will unfold. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I should have kissed you longer.” Don’t replay that thought over and over in your mind three weeks from now. Don’t obsess on similar mantras, like “I should’ve treated you better” or “I wish I’d listened to you deeper” or “I should’ve tried harder to be my best self with you.” Act now to make any necessary changes in you so you’re fully ready to give the important people in your life the care they deserve. Do so, and be regret-free. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Longing, what is that? Desire, what is that?” asks Louise Gluck in her poem “Prism.” Does she really not know? Has she somehow become innocent again, free from memories of what longing and desire have meant to her? That’s what I wish for you right now. Can you do it? Can you enter into beginner’s mind and feel your longing and desire as if they were brand new, just born, as fresh and primal as at the moment you fell in love the first time? If you can manage it, you bestow a big blessing on yourself. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You’d really benefit from engaging with a compassionate critic someone who’d gently and lovingly invite you to curb your excesses, heal your ignorance and correct mistakes. Would you search for a kick-ass guide like that? Ideally, this person would motivate you to build up strengths and take better care of your body. One way or another, curative feedback comes your way. Question is, will you have a hand in choosing it, or wait passively for fate to deliver? AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Now’s a great time to dream up five new ways to have fun. There’s nothing wrong with your current methods. It’s just that in the next few weeks, life conspires to help you drop some inhibitions, play more than usual and experience greater pleasure. The best way to cooperate with that conspiracy? Be an explorer on the frontiers of amusement and enchantment. What’s the most exciting thing you’ve always wondered about but never done? What interesting experiment have you denied yourself for no good reason? What excursion or adventure would spark spontaneity? PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It’s time to transform your relationship with your past. Up for a concentrated burst of psychospiritual work? To get started, meditate your ass off as you ponder this: “What fossilized fixations, ancient insults, impossible dreams and parasitic ghosts am I ready to let go of?” Next: “What can I do to ensure that relaxed, amused acceptance rules my encounters with the old ways forever?” And third: “What do I do with all the energy freed up by releasing deadweight I was clinging to?” Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD GIGADOLLARS & CENTS

In April, Anton Purisima filed a claim in Federal District Court in New York City that Lowering The Bar blog calculated was for the largest monetary demand ever made in a lawsuit: “$2,000 decillion” (or 2 followed by 36 zeroes, which is many times more money than exists on planet Earth). Purisima’s lawsuit names Au Bon Pain, Carepoint Health, Kmart, the New York City Transit Authority and LaGuardia Airport among the parties allegedly causing him so much distress by fraud, civil rights violations and even “attempted murder.” Lowering The Bar also noted “$2,000 decillion” could have been accurately nominated as “$2 undecillion” or even “two octillion gigadollars.”

ONLY IN FLORIDUH

Calvin Rodriguez was arrested in Port St. Lucie in May as the man who’d been using a shaved key to steal cars from parking lots. His spree came to an abrupt halt as he sped away from police in a stolen Honda Civic, only to crash into a huge alligator in the road. On May 1, a wildlife trapper called to Pine View School in Osprey, south of Sarasota, removed four alligators (one of which was 8 feet long) from campus while classes were in session, undisrupted. Beachcombers in Redington Beach on the Gulf of Mexico were treated on May 17 to the sight of a full-grown elephant treading water about 20 yards offshore. The animal made its way to the water after being unloaded for a commercial birthday party appearance.

DEMOCRACY IN ACTION

During a regional session of Spain’s parliament in February, a photographer from El Diario Montanes newspaper got a shot of legislator Miguel Angel Revilla looking at a picture of a nude woman (in a magazine hidden inside a folder). He later claimed he was just reading the articles.

MORE FLAWDUH

In May, U.S. Rep. Joe Garcia of Florida was captured on a C-SPAN camera during a House Judiciary Committee hearing, casually eating his earwax. In the sequence, described on a Time magazine blog, he dug into his ear, inspected the results, placed them in his mouth, then went “back for seconds.” Rep. Garcia explained later he was actually dealing with a “hangnail.”

WHAT A JERK!

An unnamed 60-year-old Buddhist monk was arrested in Nantou County, Taiwan, in April after a convenience-store manager said he was caught red-handed swiping packs of beef jerky. “I don’t know why,” he told police, “but lately I had this craving for meat.” He also had trouble with honesty, first denying his guilt, then confessing to the officer “I have let Lord Buddha down.” Buddhists traditionally are strict vegetarians.

FINE POINTS OF LAW

In 2013, Texas Court of Criminal Appeals ruled it wasn’t necessarily illegal for teachers to send students sexually oriented text messages — that the state law banning the practice violated “free speech.” As a result, in February 2014, prosecutors in Tarrant County dropped their case against a junior-high teacher who’d exchanged 688 text messages with a 13-yearold female student over a six-day period in 2012, on topics such as “sexual preferences and fantasies” and whether either of them walked naked around the house. The messages would be illegal, the Court ruled, only if they led to a meeting or an offer of sex. 30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014

WHAT A JERK! PT. II

Despite a 1971 decision by the U.S. Supreme Court declaring governments couldn’t punish people who are merely “annoying,” dozens of towns (according to a March Wall Street Journal item) continue to regard the behavior as criminal. The justices decided the word is too “vague” to give fair warning of which behaviors are illegal, but an Indiana deputy attorney general told the w anyone with “ordinary intelligence” knows what’s annoying. New York has such a law, as do Lawrence, Massachusetts, and Cumberland, Maryland — among the 5,000 mentions of forms of “to annoy” in a computer search of municipal ordinances. In January, Britain’s House of Lords blocked a proposed anti-annoyance law.

THOU ART BANISHED

Among discretionary punishments authorized to Georgia judges is banishing an offender from the county in which he committed the crime. Complained driver Ricardo Riley (who as of February is barred from Walton County), “I didn’t commit no murder, I’m not a sex offender, I’m not a criminal. I just got a speeding ticket.” Judge Brad Brownlow, perhaps irritated at Riley’s request to reduce the original $250 fine, instead piled on punishments, including banishment. Walton County is just outside metro Atlanta, and Riley, from adjacent Gwinnett County, has friends and co-workers who live in Walton — but he can’t visit them.

UNEARNED REWARDS

The U.S. Treasury Department’s inspector general for tax administration, in his latest report on agency employee bonuses in April (for late 2010-’12), disclosed $2.8 million of highperformance prizes went to employees with discipline problems, including about 1,150 workers who owe about $1 million in back federal taxes. The inspector general admitted the bonuses “appear to create a conflict” regarding the “integrity” of the program. The Treasury Department pointed out its rate of tax delinquencies is only about one-eighth that of the whole United States.

LEAST COMPETENT AD WRITER

The Asia Pacific branch of worldwide advertising agency Ogilvy & Mather apologized in May for a recent “Bounce Back” ad in India for Kurl-On mattresses (whose general theme is mattresses so comfortable, users “bounce” up after landing on them). Previous versions lauded Steve Jobs (for “bouncing back” from his midcareer firing by Apple) and Mahatma Gandhi (for “bouncing back” to become a spiritual leader). In the problematic ad, Pakistani teenager Malala Yousafzai (who was nearly killed in 2012 by Muslim extremists) is shot in the head in a cartoon but “bounces back” after landing on a Kurl-On mattress.

POOR LITTLE RICH BOY

Ethan Couch, 17, was convicted of DUI manslaughter last year after killing four people, but benefited at sentencing from a counselor’s testimony describing him as a victim of “affluenza,” a condition in which children of wealthy families hopelessly feel “entitlement” and are prone to irresponsibility. In April, the Vernon, Texas, hospital providing Ethan’s court-ordered rehabilitation announced Ethan’s “wealthy” parents would nonetheless be billed for only about 6 percent of the cost of treating the “affluenza” — $1,170 of an anticipated $21,000 monthly tab — with Texas taxpayers picking up the remainder. Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

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ACROSS

1 Kristen’s “Bridesmaids” co-star 5 Good looks, e.g. 10 Cookware parts 14 Reef denizen 19 Responsibility 20 Ben Stiller’s mom Anne 21 Well-funded org.? 22 Word that appears twice in a governor’s name 23 1960s comedy hour co-host 25 Certain music teacher 27 Act introducer 28 Snarl 30 Basketball greatturned-pitchman 31 Take into custody, maybe 33 Only solo artist to win back-to-back Record of the Year Grammys 38 See 55 Across 39 Tijuana toast 40 Continue 41 “It’s almost impossible to know ...” 48 Jeweler Lalique 49 Old gray mare, e.g. 50 Pursued ardently 51 Adds (on) 54 Classic Jag 55 Forest Whitaker’s Oscar role 57 Govt. ID issuer 58 Boat propeller 61 Head cold 63 Records, in a way 65 Horn piece 71 Jagged 73 Actresses Allgood and Gilbert 74 Almond-flavored syrup 75 Fajita ingredient, often 80 Bird on a buck 81 Water barrier 1

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Aviation abbreviation Aldrin or Glenn: abbr. Dudley Do-Right’s love Talk a lot Barking self-applauders Assortment Mardi Gras city’s Amtrak code Visibly wowed Get nosed out of first place Most of a googol Full range Malt ending “North by Northwest” screenwriter Sacher torte ingredients Pick pockets, e.g. It borders Tarzana Villa for Vladimir Cow or pig Win at last Traction aid Siberian river “Simma down now!” utterer on “SNL” Maryland athlete, briefly Jackson Browne’s first name Story lines “All That Jazz” director Order to Rover

DOWN

1 Camaro or Camry 2 Tokyo toons 3 Plant with tough, sword-shaped leaves 4 Welcomed warmly 5 Org. with a journal 6 Mattress firm 7 Skewered Thai appetizer 8 Land o’ blarney 9 Seven-piece Chinese puzzle 10 Herbie, with “the” 11 New Wall St. listing 12 Office appointments? 13 Hardly any 14 Latte section of a fast-food chain 15 “Gimme ___” (“call me,” informally) 16 Whoopi is a mbr. of it 17 Little jerk? 18 Hibachi residue 5

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E N A C T

P R E I L A C I S E O P T L T I H A H E R A R N E L S E A T O

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Crosby Bargaining side Steady look Golden ___ (senior) Headstone word Sound of relief Colony member Reaffirming answer Flips out Anderson and Tiffin Fraud-fighting Fed “An __ prevention ...” Disavows formally Monticello, e.g. Brit’s WWII gun Muhammad’s boxing daughter Composer Bernstein Ring of Fire range Really comes down Chamber group, perhaps Birch of “American Beauty” Overly sentimental A big fan of Net neutrality org. Tie word Monarch, to Montoya Mandela’s org. Something to leave room for

T A R S

W I N I F R E D

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Solution to Spaced-Out

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Lark’s home Security problem “Damn Yankees” role Some brown-baggers Assemble, as film Climber’s goal Knock on the noggin “Trick” body part Science kid on PBS Place for three men? El ___ (old Chevy) Assumed as fact In need of a map Used-car factor Drug-case witness, often Buster? Vegas game Bolivian city It’s a long story D-Day code name When “you’re ridin’ high” in “That’s Life” Flinch or blink, e.g. Fox or Mullally Net star Monica G. Lucas attended it Chiding sound University VIP Candle stuff Verdi opera Actress Campbell They may be choppy Bear’s advice Stationery shade Malaprop comic

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32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 28-JUNE 3, 2014