Folio Weekly 09/24/14

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CONTENTS //

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 • VOLUME 28 • NUMBER 26

18

30 MAIL CITIZEN MAMA FIGHTIN’ WORDS 2 MINUTES WITH

6 7 8 9

NEWS COVER STORY OUR PICKS MUSIC

10 12 16 18

THE KNIFE MOVIES MAGIC LANTERNS BITE-SIZED

7 25 26 28 34

ASTROLOGY NEWS of the WEIRD I SAW U BACKPAGE

36 36 37 39

Cover Illustration by Ben Wallis (Beardy Glasses)

PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor

staylor@folioweekly.com / 904.260.9770 ext. 111

EDITORIAL

EDITOR • Jeffrey C. Billman jbillman@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 WRITERS-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman seastman@folioweekly.com Derek Kinner dkinner@folioweekly.com CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, Daniel A. Brown, John E. Citrone, Julie Delegal, AG Gancarski, Nicholas Garnett, Claire Goforth, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Amanda Long, Heather Lovejoy, Nick McGregor, Cameron Meier, Jeff Meyers, Kara Pound, Merl Reagle, Scott Renshaw, Carley Robinson, Chuck Shepherd, Melody Taylor and Abigail Wright

VIDEOGRAPHER • Doug Lewis

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4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

MAIL

Blanket Statements

“The St. Johns County Sheriff ’s Office cannot be trusted.” I agree things sound fishy, but to make a blanket statement like that is uncalled for [Editor’s Note, “Bring on the Inquest,” Sept.

10, Jeffrey C. Billman]. There are plenty of good, honest officers, public servants and just regular employees that work there.

Cameron White, via Facebook

Blood on His Hands

SJSO Sheriff David Shoar has blood on his hands [“Inquest”]! Bring on the inquest! We have a murderer working for St. Johns County wearing a badge, a gun and the power to do anything to anyone of us and get away with it.

David Andrew Hall, via Facebook

A Terrible Tragedy

I watched the Frontline report [“Inquest”]. This is a terrible tragedy, but not sure St. Johns County is going to do anything about it.

Stephen D. Lobrano, via Facebook

Propaganda Words

The word “homeland” I’ve always found interesting [Editor’s Note, “The ‘Not Our Problem’ Problem,” Jeffrey C. Billman, Sept.

17]. It’s a “propaganda” word, usually associated with fascism (particularly Nazi Germany). The U.S. could not possibly have turned into a fascist country, right?

David Nielsen, via folioweekly.com

The National Spotlight

Can you imagine how poorly Jax would look in a national spotlight [News, “The Price of Austerity,” Susan Cooper Eastman, Sept. 17]? So hoping no one notices [the City Council’s lack of funding for compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act].

Claudia Baker, via Facebook

Just Say No to Lazy, Deadbeat Stoners

Quite obviously the medical marijuana drive has little to do with medical use and more to do with recreational use [Editor’s Note, “How Marijuana Saved a Life,” Jeffrey C. Billman, April 30; “Yes, and So What?” July 1]. The medical use is the ability of using THC, which is in marijuana, to help relieve pain and stimulate appetites. This pill has been available in the synthetic form for over 15 years. This is not about helping the sick; this is a smokescreen to legalize the drug.

If you have 20 percent of Floridians hooked on 6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

marijuana at the present time, maybe 3 million, and you legalize it and you double that amount, you have 6 million marijuana users in the state.

Who is going to support all these people who have difficulty functioning in society?

So let’s make the November vote easy. If you have a member of your family or a friend who is a user of marijuana and/or an alcoholic and their whole life is wasted, then vote no! You have seen what this drug does to people; constant use causes brain damage.

How could you vote yes? Most of us have seen the results of individuals who, due to the continued use of marijuana and alcohol, live off relative or the government. They can’t work because they don’t have the focus to hold a job, they steal to buy drugs and you can’t trust them, period.

So the bottom line is, if you have never seen anyone’s life destroyed by marijuana and alcohol, vote yes with a clear conscience. Be honest with yourself: this is your state and your country.

If you want to argue about alcohol versus marijuana, go ahead and waste everyone’s time and while you are trying to confuse the issue, some more kids will get hooked on drugs and alcohol, their lives will be gone, does it really matter which drug it is?

Bart Cassidy

Don’t Mess with ‘The Big Bang Theory’

Ed. note: The following was sent to WJXT Channel 4, and copied to us for reasons unknown.

Your station is an example of small podunk station wanting to be a large station. Big Bang Theory is a very high-rated show with obviously high viewership numbers. Why does WJXT “break” to a news conference with the sheriff of Bell, Florida, during Big Bang? Perhaps because some moron news director sent a reporter 100plus miles one way to get the scoop on a story?

Loved the “break” to show the sheriff that did not show up during the break. D’oh! Premature news flash?

How about the one where you showed the sheriff giving the names of those that died? This is pertinent to the news?

Your news department has no concept of what is news and what your viewers want to see.

Robert Hawxhurst If you would like to respond to something that appeared in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email with your address and phone number (for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com.

CITIZEN MAMA

CHARLIE AND THE VOUCHER FACTORY The Tanned One signals tacit opposition to the state’s voucher scheme

F

ormer and would-be Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has defied my prediction. Coming out on a policy that has divided Florida for 16 years was definitely against the odds. The Tanned One has chutzpah.

The policy is education reform, and, as governor, Crist stood shoulder-to-shoulder with his predecessor, Jeb Bush, for whom education is now a marquee issue. Bush-brand education reform has three main platform planks: accountability for public school teachers, high-stakes testing, and school privatization. Privatization, in turn, has taken two forms in Florida: charter schools and the private-school voucher program.

Recently, Crist refused to denounce a lawsuit that challenges the existence of privateschool vouchers in Florida. For that, he is getting flak from a traditionally Democratic source: the black clergy. The Rev. H.K. Matthews, an African-American minister who marched with Martin Luther King, has taken Crist to task for his switch on vouchers.

The state’s teachers union and other plaintiffs say that the voucher program violates two constitutional provisions — school uniformity and religious non-establishment.

The Florida NAACP, the state PTA and other plaintiffs support the lawsuit.

“Wait a minute!” you say. “Didn’t the Florida Supreme Court put the kibosh on privateschool tuition vouchers several years ago?”

Yes and no. In 2006, the court did shut down Jeb Bush’s “front door” voucher program, which involved using state money for privateschool tuition.

So instead, Bush widened the back door.

Tampa business magnate John Kirtley had already created a private foundation endowing private-school scholarships in 1998. In 2001, the private charity became a publicly funded entity.

That year, the Legislature approved a dollar-fordollar tax decrease for corporate taxpayers who wanted to help send children to private schools.

Presto-chango! Corporate income tax payments became “donations.” The scholarship funding organization, Step Up for Students, was born. “Donors” meet periodically with lawmakers, governors and private school officials in gatherings across the state. The “donor parties” are billed as celebrations of school choice but, in the end, they’re a handy way for corporate executives to bend lawmakers’ ears.

Paying one’s taxes to a nonprofit group brings staggering implications. Do corporations also deduct these “donations” on their federal returns? Do they report them as state income taxes paid? Both?

Thanks to a 141-page amendment — hidden in a Trojan horse education bill at the 11th hour of this year’s legislative session — lawmakers have expanded the voucher program from $358 million this year to $447 million next year. (The

Florida Education Association is also suing over how the bill was passed.)

SUFS’s public relations machine has been good at cultivating the individual success stories that sell the program. They haven’t been above framing private-school vouchers as a civil rights concern, either. That makes vouchers a hot-button emotional issue for some leaders in the AfricanAmerican community.

SUFS even gained bipartisan support in Florida by using school choice groups to fund several black Democratic lawmakers’ campaigns, as the organization’s president, Doug Tuthill, described in a 2011 video.

But, as State Rep. Mia Jones of Jacksonville has explained, support for the private-school tuition program is waning. Earlier this year, Jones told WJCT’s Melissa Ross that privatization in Florida has reached a tipping point — and it now tips toward harming public schools. Duval County Public Schools Superintendent Nikolai Vitti is on record stating that privatized alternatives have drained $70 million from the district’s budget.

Will there be a significant splinter over voucher schools among black Democrats?

Probably not.

While ministers may raise a ruckus, it will signify little, if anything, on Election Day. The outrage Rev. Matthews professes against Crist is likely to be far overshadowed by other issues.

Gov. Rick Scott has trampled on traditionally Democratic interests — most significantly, insuring the working poor. He looked the other way while the Legislature turned back an estimated $66 billion in Medicaid expansion funds, leaving 1 million Floridians uninsured.

Moreover, the voting restrictions that occurred on Scott’s watch have been unparalleled, and they’ve been aimed squarely at reducing African-American votes.

The Tanned One has signaled to education voters that he’s no longer a true believer in Bush-brand reforms. Will it pay off ?

It didn’t in 2010, after he vetoed the controversial bill that tied teacher evaluations directly to student test scores. You may recall that Crist ran for Senate that year as an Independent. But there’s very little that could have overcome the perils of a three-way Senate race in which the Democratic vote was split.

The race for the governor’s mansion, on the other hand, is — in practical terms — limited to two people.

One of them — Rick Scott — cut $1.3 billion from education in his first year.

The other — Crist — gave a tacit nod to the plaintiffs who are tired of underfunded public schools.

Julie Delegal mail@folioweekly.com

A version of this column originally appeared on Context Florida.

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

FIGHTIN’ WORDS

BILLIONAIRE BOYS CLUB I

Why Shad Khan defended the odious Roger Goodell Roger the Dodger. t looks like we’re coming to the end of the “I have always had great faith in Roger Goodell era in pro football — and Commissioner Goodell,” Khan said. “I applaud not a minute too soon. Goodell’s time as NFL commissioner has been one in which his decision to have this matter investigated by propaganda for the league has been akin to an independent party, and I know the process first-term Bush Iraq war agitprop, infused with will be seen through objectively and with great a noxious mélange of hubris, hypocrisy and integrity. As a league, we want and will accept the rankest sort of moralism. nothing less, and I am sure Commissioner Up until this month, they were calling Goodell feels the same.” him, without any sense of irony, the Ginger Yeah, dude. We know you and Goodell are Hammer. So determined to protect the homies — a lot of discussion over the years Integrity of The Shield that he’d as to whether Goodell wants suspend people for up to a year the franchise to have London for falling afoul of the NFL’s as a Plan B if this market fatwa against weed. Such an doesn’t heat up enough. Of important crusade for Goodell, course, you denied it. To be as he took aim at Josh Gordon fair, you’ve invested in the and so many other players who city, buying property and lay their bodies on the line week renting a mayor. And the city after week, hazarding head has invested in you. We’ve got trauma, whose sole crime was the biggest scoreboards in the self-medication as a respite from — Shad Khan civilized world — and a passel the incomparable rigors of NFL of practice-squad players at football in the HGH age. wide receiver and Chad Henne Goodell loved to take the hard line … throwing the ball to them. (Well, not anymore.) until the Ray Rice situation blew up. Ironic, Do you really trust this league, which isn’t it, that the guy who wanted to run the buried evidence about concussions until Jovan model corporate totalitarian policy against Belcher forced its hand, to handle its own recreational drugs ended up being the same investigation? “Great faith”? “Great integrity”? guy to drop a two-game “excuse me, NBD” You found something in this whole mess to suspension on Rice for doing his best Jim “applaud”? Goodell’s PR game is about on a Brown impersonation in an Atlantic City level with Pervez Musharraf ’s these days. casino? The videotape that came to light The Adrian Peterson atrocity will advance earlier this month was the world’s worst-kept this narrative further, and folks ranging from secret since No WMDs in Iraq, with accurate National Organization for Women to this descriptions of it being tendered throughout writer believe that Goodell should resign the summer. before the ink dries on this print run. A There are some who say, unbelievably, potential replacement? Condoleezza Rice, who that relationship violence is just a matter has experience with hot messes (e.g., Bush between two people. That barbarism informed administration foreign policy).

Goodell’s initial decision to go easy on Rice.

Condi Rice has said that being the NFL We all know, at this point, that the league has commissioner is her dream job. Perhaps, lied all year about what it knew and when it rather than defending the disgraced Goodell, knew it regarding Rice. For most people, that Khan might be better served issuing a would indicate a severe credibility gap. statement supporting her for that role, which Not so for Shad Khan, Jaguars owner. Khan may be the best bet for a league grappling with refused to talk to the media about this; rather, serious PR and ethics problems. he issued a one-paragraph statement, with the AG Gancarski expected admonishments against domestic twitter/aggancarski violence, and with a preemptive defense of mail@folioweekly.com

“I have always had great faith in Commissioner Goodell.”

8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

2 MINUTES WITH … // DENNIS HO

ALICIA HARRIS,

LITERACY PROGRAM COORDINATOR, LEARN TO READ JACKSONVILLE

Folio Weekly: Tell me a little about what you do every day.

Alicia Harris: I teach multiple classes of adult illiteracy students, and I write multiple grants for the program. I teach adults that are total nonreaders that need to learn the alphabet, all the way up to [the] ninth-grade [reading level] that we try to transition to GED classes at [Florida State College at Jacksonville].

Do you have a lot of students?

Over the past couple years, we’ve experienced monumental growth.

Three years ago, we were serving 200 people; last year we served 400, and this past year we served 600. My individual load at any given time is around 40 to 50 students in my classes.

How do people find you?

Being located at [the Main Library Downtown] is a good place for us to be. We get a lot of walk-ins; a lot of people will Google “learn to read” and our name will be the first one to pop up. We work with a lot of nonprofits around town; the population that we serve tends to have a lot of needs outside education, so other nonprofits will refer them to us when they find they are non-readers.

Do you recruit students?

We generally don’t need to. Something tends to happen in our students’ lives that cues them off to say, “I need to go back to school,” or “I need to learn how to read, this has become a problem to where it’s preventing me from being a productive member of society, from achieving the goals, from reading to my child at night.” A lot of our students have kids; their kids reach the second grade and start bringing home homework and [the parents] can’t help them anymore, so they come to our program to break that cycle with their child. We’ve got people that get into a job and can’t pass a test to get them to the next level, so it puts a cap on their income and their potential until they get the education that they need. We even have students who can’t fill out questions on a job application.

What is the reading level of the average student?

Pretty evenly distributed among all the reading levels. I would say probably 30 percent of our students are at the zero- to second-grade level, 40 percent of our students are second- to sixth-grade level, another 30 percent is sixth to ninth.

How long do students stay in the program?

It varies by individual. Some people, depending on what they have going in their lives — we have people finish as quickly as two or three months, we have others who have been in the program for years. We’ll take them as far as they want to go with their education.

In your experience, why do some people never learn to read?

There are so many different reasons. If their parents were non-readers, there might never have been an emphasis placed on reading, they might have been in an abusive environment, they might have had to work from a young age to put food on the table, and then we have a lot of students with learning disabilities like dyslexia; they’re not going to get the extra attention that [they need] to get in a public school classroom full of 30 kids.

Do any of your students keep their illiteracy a secret?

We hear about people whose spouses don’t know, their children don’t know, their employers don’t know. They come up with different coping mechanisms to make sure their secret isn’t found out. We have some students that are willing to share their learning journey with anyone who asks, but some students, it’s a very private matter for them, because being an adult that can’t read comes with a lot of stigma. People are called dumb when really they have skills that you and I don’t have, they’re talented in many areas, reading is just a struggle for them.

What coping mechanisms have you seen?

A lot of times in a household someone will say, “I’m better at mowing the lawn and cooking. You pay all the bills and do our paperwork,” or “I forgot my glasses. You know my eyesight isn’t good. Read this to me.” We’ve got people who manage companies who have assistants they dictate emails to.

Are those students harder to teach?

They’re not harder to teach. Sometimes it’s difficult for them to persist in the program because they don’t have a support network of people cheering them on. It’s a lot easier for the student whose wife says, “I’m proud of you, honey,” than the student who goes it alone. A lot of people come into the program thinking they’re the only adult in Duval County who can’t read, and it’s an amazing thing to see them with a one-on-one tutor and see their confidence get an immediate boost from recognizing “I’m not the only one.”

What’s the first thing your students want to read?

All of the students are eager to learn current events. They are literally pushed out of the political process and out of conversations about the community because they don’t understand the verbiage. For instance, if you throw out an acronym like ISIS or DOMA into the conversation, our students are not going to be able to understand and therefore [are] unable to form their own opinions about the matter. We just went over the Ebola outbreak in Africa, and for many this was something that they weren’t previously able to learn about.

What risks have you seen your students take because they can’t read?

We’ve seen people sign their name off on medical procedures that they didn’t understand and didn’t want the agreement to be read out to them, we’ve had people sign away the rights to their children, we’ve had people get [incorrect] prescriptions because they couldn’t read the label. It really affects people’s whole lives.

Are any of your students reluctant to learn to read?

We do have some reluctant students … people who’ve had very trying school experiences the first time around. They’ve had classmates call them stupid, teachers who said they didn’t have what it takes, these are the kids with red marks all over their papers that didn’t receive the remedial instruction they needed, so there’s a sense of distrust in the educational process and lack of confidence in their ability to learn, but once they experience some success, once they can write their first few sentences, they take off.

Do your non-reading students understand numbers?

Numeracy is also directly related to illiteracy. More often than not, students who have trouble reading will have trouble adding up small numbers or completing small equations in their head. They’ll have trouble reading an analog clock or using an ATM. They can read numbers, but they can’t do a lot with them.

Tell us a success story.

We had a student who was too poor and was working to put food on the table from a young age, dropped out of middle school, came through our program, got her GED and is now a certified nursing assistant. We’ve seen a lot of success stories. A lot.

Where do you get your resources?

We are a volunteer-based program; recruiting volunteers is vital to our mission. Students get one-on-one instruction — it’s part of what helps them take off. We have people who work very hard to help the rest of the community; it helps ward off wildly inaccurate misconceptions about adult non-readers. We really need good volunteers to help improve their city. dho@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

NEWS The JAG-OFF THE BORTLES ERA BEGINS

WEEK 3: JAGS VS. COLTS

In the last two decades, Jaguars fans have seen plenty of quarterback changes, like Mark Brunell for the ineffective Steve Beuerlein, which no one mourned; Byron Leftwich for Brunell, in Jack Del Rio’s first year, which occasioned racially coded disses of B-Left the whole time he was here; David Garrard for Leftwich, which occurred with all the smoothness of an Arab Spring revolution; Gabbert in, Gabbert out.

And now, we hope, the last one for a while: Blake Bortles for Chad Henne.

Bortles took over in the second half on Sunday, his team down 30-love after one of the worst halves of football in franchise history (maybe NFL history), and the fans (most of whom stuck around through halftime, remarkably) cheered him as loudly as they booed the doomed Henne.

He looked decisive and — in garbage time especially — competent. Not in that KirkCousins-against-the-Jags way, maybe, but he made his reads, evaded pressure, and did all the things fans wanted him to do.

And hey, the Jags won the second half 17-14, if you’re into moral victories.

Bortles marks the team’s third attempt in two decades to draft a franchise quarterback. He is singular in that he has the smarts and toughness like Leftwich, but unlike Leftwich he’s guaranteed to be beloved in this town unless he’s a Gabbertlevel flop. He will be allowed to make his mistakes, as will Coach Gus, who starts the second straight year in an 0-3 hole.

Because really, what choice do we have?

The offensive line, an embarrassment all year, seemed to hold a little better for the rookie … at least this outing. The open question, though, is what happens to all of these good feelings when the novelty wears off. There were times in the first half, for example, when the defense seemed to have quit, or at least to lack the conditioning to play all out on a warm September afternoon.

During a tightly scheduled post-game press conference, Gus Bradley sounded very enthusiastic. And why wouldn’t he? Despite being stomped on the field, the Jags and their fans yet again got to experience the sugar high of hope. Shad Khan told a reporter that he had “seen the future.” And maybe that’s the case.

The real test for Bortles is in San Diego in a week, a place where the mighty Seattle Seahawks were made to look ordinary a couple of weeks ago. San Diego is not a place where the Jags have any history winning, or even playing competitively. If Bortles can somehow do what hasn’t been done before, there might — repeat, might — be a chance for the Jags to play a role in the AFC South race this year.

See? Hope springs eternal in the Bortles era. For now.

AG Gancarski twitter/aggancarski mail@folioweekly.com

10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

BEWARE THE VESTED INTERESTS

To lead the JTA into the future, CEO Nathaniel Ford must learn from the mistakes of the past

N

athaniel Ford has been the CEO of the Jacksonville Transportation Authority (JTA) for less than two years, yet he and his staff are already developing a longterm flexible people-mover system to cover Jacksonville’s 840 square miles. They want it to tie in with other nearby county public transportation systems.

“Over two decades,” Ford says, “we will employ best-in-class solutions to position the JTA as a regional leader in multimodal transportation, support our mission to improve the quality of life for First Coast citizens and position Northeast Florida for a robust future.”

Ford’s only problem is how to use the fixed-location, manipulated, costly, riderless (when there is a fee) Automated Skyway Express (ASE). It was constructed in the 1980s and 1990s, a long time before Ford and his staff began their careers with JTA. In 1984, there were similar plans to expand the JTA’s bus service, so 17 more new buses were ordered. Then it was determined that the cost of the ASE starter line had gone through the roof, from $22 million to almost $36 million, so the bus order was canceled, and that money was directed instead to the ASE. Ford promises that will not happen again: “I want to assure the citizens of our city that the plans we have developed to provide a superior flexible bus, trolley and shuttle system is our No. 1 priority. There is no greater service the JTA can render than to provide quality service where people reside, work, be taken to entertainment centers and shopping locations. That service by the JTA is long overdue.”

As Ford and his colleagues consider the JTA’s future, they should first look to the past, to get a deeper understanding of the powerful vested interests that could well get in the way — as they did years ago, with the ASE — of a mass-transit plan that actually works for all the city’s residents.

There are few individuals today who are aware of the ASE bilking scandal that took Jacksonville, the state of Florida and the federal government to the cleaners. In 1984, the JTA said the total cost of the 2.5-mile ASE, when completed, would be $76 to $78 million. In reality, the final cost was $250 million, or $100 million a mile.

Starting in 1978, there were at least 12 people-mover mass transit proposals, each with a different route that would best serve the public’s transportation needs.

None mentioned the Convention Center site for the starter line. As recently as September 1982, the selected route was “a 2.1-mile system that crosses the St. Johns River via the Acosta Bridge with a north station at Florida Junior College’s downtown campus, proceeding south through the central business district and ending at St. Johns Place,” according to a contemporaneous Jacksonville Journal article.

Then suddenly, in late 1982, the Convention Center became front and center, though no one lives anywhere near it.

Powerful interests in the West Bay area had quietly taken control of the route decision.

The JTA said that when the ASE .07-mile starter line opened to riders, the

daily ridership, with no connections or extensions, would be 10,165. That proved to be a 90 percent error.

From 1990 to 1994, the U.S. Department of Transportation, in its reports to Congress, was highly critical of the ASE, and recommended that it receive no federal funds. Repeatedly, Ralph Stanley, administrator of the Federal Urban Mass Transit System (UMTA), described the ASE as a “political pork barrel for vested interests that violated UMTA’s

“The plans we have developed to provide a superior flexible bus, trolley and shuttle system is our No. 1 priority. That service by JTA is long overdue.”

— Nathaniel Ford, JTA CEO

guidelines.” Congress overruled the Transportation Department and approved the funding anyway.

In 1991, because of the insignificant ridership, there was talk of shutting down the starter line. JTA officials said that in order to take that action, it would have to repay UMTA $47 to $67 million. However, in a letter dated December 1991, Roland T. Mross, then-deputy administrator of UMTA, says just the opposite: “In reply letter to you in Sept. 1991, and again in Nov. 1991, the point was made that the JTA would NOT be obligated to the refunding of federal funding that had been expended for the starter line if the JTA chose not to proceed with the northern extension to the starter line. I repeat there will be no reason whatsoever.”

It appears that the JTA’s current executive staff is unaware about Mross’ unequivocal statement. Shutting the ASE down with just the starter line having been built would have saved the feds, the state and JTA $200 million; the JTA’s share of that, more than $20 million, could have gone toward buses, trolleys and other means of mass transit.

It also appears that, back then, the JTA lied to justify completing the entire 2.5-mile system.

Is it any wonder, then, that earlier this month, the U.S. Department of Transportation rejected for a second time the city’s request for $15 million to extend the Skyway? For years, the city of Jacksonville made UMTA officials look like fools.

Each section of the ASE required a public hearing, as mandated by the Department of Transportation. On Sept.

20, 1990, I attended the hearing held at JTA headquarters. Its purpose was to discuss the extension north on Hogan Street. Not a single JTA board member attended. Nor did Executive Director Miles Francis. I attended a second meeting in 1991. Once again, neither any JTA board member nor Francis showed up.

Congressional representative Bill Lehman from Dade County, as it was then called, served as chairman of the House Transportation Subcommittee from 1982 to 1992. In that capacity, he obtained millions of dollars for the ASE. Arnold Tritt, former JTA administrator, described Lehman as the ASE’s “patron saint.” Lehman was followed by Rep. Bob Carr. A campaign contribution dinner was held for Carr in Jacksonville. The news media indicated that he received about $10,000. He later said he had reservations about the ASE. Questions were raised as to whether these gifts were an attempt at bribery.

In 1993, the 600,000-member Citizens Against Government Waste gave their “PIG” award to the ASE for wasting federal dollars. That same year, ABC World News heard about the ASE and sent a news team to Jacksonville, noting all the empty cars over a period of an hour. In a national broadcast, ABC described the ASE as a rip-off. ABC sent another news team to Jacksonville in 1994, to see if there had been any change. There had been none.

ABC World News again blasted the project as a rip-off.

Some members of the Jacksonville Chamber of Commerce, having a vested interest in the ASE project, helped to develop a scheme to sell it to the mayor, the City Council and members of Congress.

JTA and the city lost control only when changes in Congress led to the loss of powerful friends who’d overruled the DOT. I’ve lived in Jacksonville for more than 60 years, and I would caution Ford and his staff that there are and have always been special interests who have dominated city government. Names change, but the control remains, and the consequence is projects that cost the city and its citizens hundreds of millions of dollars as a result of waste and corruption. Recent such projects include not just the ASE, but also the Shipyards, the ugly, unbelievably costly new Duval County Courthouse, the renovation of the Gator Bowl into an NFL stadium, the Convention Center, and the original Southbank Riverwalk and the manipulated bidding process for the replacement of the Southbank Riverwalk.

To be successful, Ford must resist their interference, for it will no doubt come.

Marvin Edwards mail@folioweekly.com

NEWS

A MATTER OF FAIRNESS The dispute over professors’ pay drags on at FSCJ

F

lorida State College at Jacksonville professors say they feel insulted because college officials are offering them lowerthan-expected salary increases.

For the past few months, FSCJ has been negotiating a new contract with its faculty. Both sides have come to agreements on non-salaryrelated items, but professors’ pay is holding up the show. Professors are asking for a 3 percent increase this year and next, while the college is offering 2 percent this year and 2.5 for next year.

That may not sound like much of a difference, but the professors were expecting solid pay hikes this year after the college awarded hefty salary increases to 24 administrators in June [News, “Skewed Priorities?” Khristopher J. Brooks, June 18].

The administrator raises totaled more than $190,000, an average of $8,000 for each staffer. Those raises, coupled with new president Cynthia Bioteau’s public promise to bring professor salaries to the state average in the near future, made many professors thrilled to hear about possible salary increases. However, the last few negotiation meetings haven’t been pretty.

In fact, both sides left the last negotiating meeting, on Sept. 5, visibly frustrated.

“Given the expectation created in public, we were extremely disappointed,” says Karen Morian, the faculty union president.

Internal email messages between Morian and other faculty members show that professors took the 2 percent offer as a “slap in the face” and “an all-or-nothing, take-it or leave-it proposal.”

FSCJ’s faculty union and the college officials have the same goal: bring professors’ salaries up to the state college average.

However, the main obstacle is what salary numbers each side is using as a starting point.

Morian says FSCJ administrators are using salary figures that the college pulled from professors’ W2 forms. Those numbers do not reflect the professors’ base pay; for many professors, that number represents the base pay and two or three extra classes they teach each semester, Morian says.

When asked why the college couldn’t

offer 3 percent raises, or how negotiations were going overall, FSCJ communications director Jill Johnson responded that the college couldn’t comment on ongoing contract negotiations. However, Bioteau sent a letter to all professors earlier this month, explaining why the college offered what it did.

“Our research indicates that this offer exceeds faculty salary increases offered this year by other like-size Florida state/ community colleges and would bring FSCJ average salaries, over a three-year period, slightly above the state average,” Bioteau wrote. She added that the college’s “revenues will be limited” until FSCJ’s declining enrollment either levels off or increases.

“I want to assure you that administratively, we are bargaining honestly and in good faith, making our best effort to treat all employees fairly and equitably, while being good stewards of the lean budget that we have been allocated by the state,” Bioteau wrote.

No matter what numbers are being used, the ultimate truth is that FSCJ professor pay lags behind similar schools.

There are other colleges at which professors make less than at FSCJ, such as Gulf Coast, Hillsborough and Pensacola state colleges. However, when FSCJ is compared to similar-sized colleges, such as Broward, Miami-Dade, Valencia (in Orange County) and St. Petersburg, the annual salary difference ranges between $1,200 and $10,000.

FSCJ and its faculty union will have another open-to-the-public negotiation meeting on Oct. 6. Bioteau wrote in her letter that if both sides agree on salary terms, the pay increases would by approved by the FSCJ board later that month and higher paychecks would appear in November. If the sides cannot agree, the next negotiation will be in December.

Despite not having a new contract with its faculty, FSCJ’s classes have been held on schedule this year. Once a new contract is signed, it will apply to faculty members who were employed at the college starting July 1.

“Given the expectation created in public, we were extremely disappointed.”

Khristopher J. Brooks mail@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

AGAINST

AMAZON Jeff Bezos’ startup has become the Walmart of the Internet (maybe worse) and the scourge of Main Street.

It needs to be stopped

By Jim Hightower

Illustration by Ben Wallis

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

IN

his classic 1936 comedy, Modern Times, silent filmmaker Charlie Chaplin depicts the trials and tribulations of a harried factory worker trying to cope with the sprockets, cogs, conveyor belts and “efficiencies” of the new industrial culture. The poor fellow finds himself caught up (almost literally) in the grinding tyranny of the machine.

The movie is hilarious, but it’s also a damning portrayal of the dehumanizing consequences of mass industrialization.

The ultimate indignity for Chaplin’s everyman character comes when he is put on an assembly line featuring a mechanized contraption that force-feeds workers as they work. Not only does this “innovation” eliminate the need for the factory owner to provide a lunch break, but it also transforms human workers into automatous components of the machine itself.

Of course, worker-feeding machines were a comedic exaggeration by the filmmaker, not anything that actually existed, nothing that would even be considered in our modern times, right?

Well …. If you work for Amazon.com, you’d swear that Chaplin’s masterpiece depicts Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos’ idea of a properly run workplace.

Why pick on Amazon? After all, isn’t it a model of tech wizardry, having totally reinvented retail marketing for our smartphone, globally linked age? Doesn’t it peddle a cornucopia of goods through a convenient “one-click” ordering system, rapidly delivering them right to your doorstep? And doesn’t it offer steep discounts on nearly everything it sells (which is nearly everything)? Yes, yes and yes.

However, as an old saying puts it: The higher the monkey climbs, the more you see of its ugly side. Amazon certainly has climbed high in a hurry. Not yet 20 years old, it is already a household brand name and America’s 10th-largest retailer.

The establishment press marvels that Bezos’ obsession with electronic streamlining and systems management allows Amazon to sell everything from books to bicycles, barbecues to Barbies, at cheap-cheap-cheap prices, undercutting all competitors — even Walmart.

But what is the source of those efficiencies and the low prices so greatly admired by Wall Street and so gratefully accepted by customers? Are they achieved strictly by being a virtual store, saving the costs of building, staffing and maintaining brick-and-mortar outlets? Or is Amazon achieving market dominance the old-fashioned way — by squeezing the life out of its workers and suppliers, by crushing its competitors with monopolistic muscle, and by manipulating our national and state tax laws?

Voilà! There’s the ugly side.

Amazon and Bezos scream for more scrutiny because Amazon, more than any other single entity, has had the infinite hubris to envision a brave new computer-driven order for our society. Bezos isn’t merely remaking commerce with his algorithms, metrics and vast network; he’s rebooting America itself, including our concept of a job, the definition of community, and even basic values of fairness and justice.

It amounts to a breathtaking aspiration to transform our culture’s democratic paradigm into a corporate imperium led

by Amazon.

Walmart, the “Beast of Bentonville,” is now yesterday’s model of how far-reaching and destructive corporate power can be. Amazon is the new model, not just of tomorrow’s corporate beast, but the day after tomorrow’s.

Only it’s already here.

Bezos has been crowned with numerous laurels, from “Person of the Year” to world’s best living CEO. This May, however, the reigning God of TechWorld was awarded a lesscoveted prize by the International Trade Union Confederation: “World’s Worst Boss.”

Even high-rankers in the corporation’s hierarchy describe him as a cold, controlling, often vengeful gnome of a man with little empathy for the people who work for him.

To witness the full Bezonian disregard for workers, one must look beyond the relative comfort of Amazon’s expansive headquarters and visit any of its 40-some “fulfillment centers” spread across the country. These are gated, guarded and secretive warehouses where most of the corporation’s 100,000 employees work.

The warehouses are dehumanizing hives in which Bezos has produced his own sequel to Modern Times.

Consider the job of “picker.” In each warehouse, hundreds of them are simultaneously scrambling throughout a maze of shelves, grabbing products. Pickers must speed-walk on concrete an average of a dozen miles a day, for an Amazon warehouse is shockingly big — more than 16 football fields big, or eight city blocks — and pickers must constantly crisscross the expanse. There are miles of seven-foothigh shelves running along narrow aisles on each floor of three-story buildings, requiring pickers continuously to stoop down, crawl along and stretch up. They are directed by handheld computers to each target. Then they must scan the pick and put it on the right track of the seven miles of conveyor belts running through the facility. Immediately after, they’re dispatched by computer to find the next product.

The computers don’t just dictate where to go next, they also relay how many seconds Amazon’s time-motion experts have calculated it should take to get there. The scanners then record the time each worker actually takes — information that is fed directly into a central, all-knowing computer. Everything workers do is monitored, timed, scored and reviewed by managers who have a mandate to fire those exceeding their allotted seconds.

This, and many other indignities, brings $10-$12 an hour, which is less than $25,000 a year, gross, for full-time work. But few get year-round work. Rather, Amazon’s warehouse employees are “contingent” hires, meaning they are temporary, seasonal, part-time laborers entirely subject to the employer’s whim. Worker advocates refer to these jobs as “precarious”:

HOW HAS AMAZON AFFECTED YOU?

Jeff Bezos

RON CHAMBLIN,

CHAMBLIN’S UPTOWN AND BOOKMINE

R Amazon, more than any other single entity, has had the infinite hubris to envision a brave new computer-driven order for our society.

When sales slack off, you’re let go; when sales perk up and managers demand you do a 12hour shift with no notice (which might let you find a babysitter), you do it or you’re fired.

Of course, technically, you don’t actually work for Amazon. You’re hired by temp agencies and warehouse operators with Orwellian names like “Amalgamated Giant Shipping.” This lets Amazon deny responsibility for your treatment — and it means you have no labor rights, for you are an “independent contractor.” No health care, no vacation time, no scheduled raises, no route to a full-time or permanent job, no regular schedule, no job protection, and — of course — no union. Bezos would rather get Ebola than be infected with a union in his realm, and he has gone all out with intimidation tactics and hired a notorious union-busting firm to crush any whisper of worker organization.

If you asked workers in Amazon’s swarming hives why they put up with the corporation’s demeaning treatment, most would look at you incredulously and say something like: “Rent, food, clothing — the basics.” Bezos & Co. fully

HOW HAS AMAZON AFFECTED YOU?

GARFIELD COOPER, ZENCOG BICYCLE COMPANY, RIVERSIDE

T

he magnificently hirsute Garfield Cooper, who opened ZenCog Bicycle Company in 2009, says he can’t beat Amazon’s prices. He’s not going to complain – in Jeff Bezos he sees someone who saw an opportunity and took it – but he doesn’t think Amazon will ever be able to do what he does. It’s an old-fashioned concept: customer service.

Amazon can’t put together a bike just so.

They don’t have a Garfi eld Cooper to measure a rider’s arm and inseam in order to adjust the handlebars or seat height. They don’t have employees to advise a customer on problems like chronic sores or who might have a bike seat that would help.

Cooper and his staff have used the equipment he sells. It’s ZenCog-tested. And he’s got 15 years’ experience working on bikes, fixing bikes, riding bikes. Amazon can’t compete with that.

About six times a month, customers will bring in a bike-in-a-box they bought through

Amazon and ask Garf to put it together for them.

He says he’s happy to take on that business.

“It’s not rocket science to put a bicycle together. But the guys that invented flight were bicycle mechanics,” he says. “There is always going to be service. You can’t get a bicycle put together on the Internet. You can learn how to do it. But I have 15 years of experience and a very good collection of tools.”

I asked if he’d had customers come into the store, look over the stock, maybe even taking a bike for a ride, and then go home and buy it cheaper on Amazon. Yes, he replied, but it didn’t bother him too much, or at least it hasn’t yet. “I’m looking for that customer who wants a relationship with me. And I’m going to give that guy bike service and I’m to give his kids bike service. When something goes wrong with his bike, he’s going to bring it to me and say, ‘Garf, fix this.’”

— Susan Cooper Eastman

understand that millions of today’s workers are stuck in a jobless Depression with no way out.

As one of the worker bees in Amazon’s Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania, center told a reporter for the local paper, “I never felt treated like a piece of crap in any other warehouse but this one. They can do that because there aren’t any jobs in the area.”

By paying just one notch above McDonald’s, Amazon draws tens of thousands of people willing to get in line for exploitation. ● ● ●

Amazon is by far the largest online marketer in the world, with more sales than the next nine U.S. online retailers combined. That has given Bezos the monopoly power to stalk, weaken and even kill off retail competitors — threatening such giants as Barnes & Noble and Walmart and draining the lifeblood from hundreds of small Main Street shops.

Lest you think that “predator” is too harsh a term, consider the metaphor that Bezos himself chose when explaining how to get small book publishers to cough up deep discounts as the price of getting their titles listed on the Amazon website. As related by Businessweek reporter Brad Stone, Bezos instructed his negotiators to stalk them “the way a cheetah would pursue a sickly gazelle.” Bezos’ PR machine tried to claim that this sneering comment was just a little “Jeff joke,” but they couldn’t laugh it off, for a unit dubbed the “Gazelle Project” had actually been set up inside Amazon.

This top-level team focused on doing exactly what Bezos’ metaphor instructed: Pursue vulnerable small publishers and squeeze their wholesale prices to Amazon down to the point of no profit, thus allowing the online retailer to underprice every other book peddler. When Stone exposed Gazelle last year in his book The Everything Store, the project was suddenly rebranded with a bloodless name — “Small Publisher Negotiation Program” — but its mission remains the same.

Today, Amazon sells a stunning 40 percent of all new books, up from 12 percent five years ago. It’s even more dominant in the digital book market, which is fast catching up to the sales level of physical books and is widely perceived as the future of publishing. Electronic book sales were non-existent just seven years ago; today, about a third of all books sold are e-books, and

on Chamblin has been in the book business for almost 40 years. He’s heard the death knell for the small, independent bookstore before: Barnes & Noble, then the Internet and the short attention spans it wrought, then Amazon. He’s still here and doing quite well, thank you – a store Downtown and one in Ortega, 22 employees, $180,000 a month in sales – but he nonetheless doesn’t mince words when it comes to Jeff Bezos’ empire: “They are a cancer, a growing cancer on the economy. They actually contributed to the decline of the stability of the economy. They are similar to the robber barons. When you have new technology or a new area like the railroads or oil or whatever, people who get in first are going to get strong. It’s no question, they have a monopoly and as they begin to control an even greater percentage of the total products, they do so without regard to the health of the economy.

And thousands of small businesses go down because of the total freedom that they have now.

We have to put some brakes on this monster.”

Chamblin used to list his books on Amazon; he got exposure to Amazon customers, while Amazon got a percentage of sales. For a while it worked nicely, to the tune of about $14,000 a month. But then, after a dispute over shipping, he suspended the service. Amazon, he says, declined to pay him for four months – an effort to squeeze him, he believes. “The fact that they did that to me conveys to me that they are brutal to anyone they engage,” he says.

“They tried. They wanted to put me down. The same thing has happened to other stores, other bookstores, who are mainly now gone.”

Chamblin now sells his books on the site alibris.com. “I’ve told my employees that there are other platforms to sell books,” he says. “I’m not going to grovel to Amazon. I’m not going to behave as if we need Amazon, because if you behave like you need them, they are a brutal cancer and you go down. If anything, we want to move farther away from Amazon. They want to control gain, they want more of a percentage of sale and they want to gain more of the world. Look at that Bezos guy. He’s goddamned frightening.”

— Susan Cooper Eastman

Amazon sells two-thirds of those. Of course, Amazon also owns Kindle, the largest-selling device for reading digital books.

With his market clout, deep-pocket financing and ferocious price-cutting, Bezos has forced hundreds of America’s independent bookstores to close and has humbled the superstore book chains that once preyed on the independents and dominated the market.

Borders, the second-largest chain, succumbed to bankruptcy in 2011. Now Barnes & Noble, the largest brick-and-mortar bookstore, is stumbling. It has lost millions of dollars, closed dozens of stores, shrunk most others, and suffered the embarrassment of its own board chairman frantically dumping big chunks of Barnes & Noble stock.

Bezos’ online empire not only stands alone as the paramount bookseller, but is also the dominant price-setter, the arbiter of which titles get the best access (or none) to the biggest number of buyers, the most powerful reviewer of books, the publisher of its own line of books (disclosure: the editor of Folio Weekly once worked for an Amazon subcontractor as a SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

Today, Amazon sells a stunning 40 percent of all new books, up from 12 percent five years ago. It’s even more dominant in the digital book market.

diaper honchos that the cheetah was going into that business, so they should just sell their firm to it. No thanks, replied the upstart.

Amazon promptly responded to the rebuff by marketing another line of diapers — with a price discount of 30 percent. It kept dropping the price even lower (plus free shipping) when the smaller firm tried to fight back. Diapers. com’s investors grew antsy, and in September 2010, the two founders of the company met with Bezos himself and surrendered. The final blow was their discovery that Bezos, in his campaign to crush them and control the market of online diaper sales, was on track to lose $100 million in just three months. ● ● ●

freelance book editor), the keeper of an inhouse stable of writers — and even the sponsor of a major book prize.

He achieved this the old-fashioned way: brute force. While it’s true that Amazon is innovative, efficient and focused on customer satisfaction, such factors alone did not elevate Amazon to its commanding level of market control. To reach that pinnacle, Bezos followed the path mapped by Rockefeller and other 19thcentury robber barons: (1) ruthlessly exploit a vast and vulnerable low-wage workforce; (2) extract billions of dollars in government subsidies; and (3) wield every anti-competitive weapon you can find or invent to get what you want from other businesses. ● ● ●

Through doing all of the above, Bezos has applied his cheetah business model to nearly everything retail. Amazon’s massive book dominion is now dwarfed by its annexation of dozens of other markets — book sales now make up a mere 7 percent of Amazon’s total business. Amazon has already captured more than a third of all online sales with a website that’s a phantasmagoric mall of unimaginable size, containing what amounts to hundreds of virtual superstores.

In the process, and with the same deeply discounted prices it used to conquer the book business, Amazon has poached millions of customers from neighborhood shops and suburban malls. The chase for cheap has been

great for Amazon, but it is proving intolerably expensive for your and my hometowns. Our local businesses lose customers and have to close, local workers lose jobs and local economies lose millions of consumer dollars that Amazon siphons into its faraway coffers.

What makes that even more intolerable is that much of Amazon’s competitive advantage has been ill-gotten, obtained by dirty deeds. ● ● ●

Bezos would not have grabbed such market dominance if governments had not been subsidizing his sales with special tax breaks for 20 years. In all but a handful of states, merchants are obliged by law to collect city and state sales taxes from everyone who buys stuff from them. But Amazon, as an online merchant, has avoided adding these taxes to the price that its customers pay.

Bezos has emphatically insisted from the start that Amazon’s only facility is its headquarters in Washington state, claiming therefore that Amazon’s sales in the other 49 states are exempt from sales taxes — even though he racks up billions of dollars in sales in those states and even though Amazon has massive warehouses in about half of them. With legalistic hocuspocus, Bezos asserts that the warehouses are independent contractors, not part of Amazon.

In Texas, for example, the sales tax rate is 8.15 percent, so by claiming to be exempt, Amazon gets a price subsidy of more than eight cents on every dollar of its sales — that’s more than the

HOW HAS AMAZON AFFECTED YOU?

JOE BUTLER II, BLACK CREEK OUTFITTERS I t’s difficult to match the convenience of online retail and the prices of Amazon. Joe Butler, who co-owns Black Creek Outfitters – a local company that sells kayaks, canoes, tents, paddleboards, outdoor wear and other adventure gear – points out that someone who, say, needs to buy a pair of padded socks or some sunprotective clothing or a tent for an upcoming camping trip, but also works a demanding job and goes to church on Sunday, might not have the time to come into the store during regular business hours. He instead might go online late at night in his pajamas and order what he needs.

Butler says he’s seen Amazon’s emerging dominance in retail, and expects the company will continue to take more and more of the market share. He can’t fight scrape-bottom prices or the vast plethora of selection online. He can’t help it if a customer comes in for advice and then goes online and buys the item from Amazon. He can’t control customer behavior. This is capitalism.

Butler has responded to the A-threat in two ways: pragmatically, and by amping up what he does better than Amazon or what he believes

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

Amazon doesn’t or can’t do.

He cut staff by the equivalent of two fulltime employees last year. He cut his garbage bill by $200 a month. He cut his Internet and other communications cost by $200 a month. He changed all of his light bulbs to LED bulbs. His electric bill went down 40 percent.

But he is also working to turn his retail business into a community of like-minded people and those who might be interested in trying outdoor activities. He holds classes for campers and others in water filtration or in packing food for a camping trip. He offers standup paddleboard classes. He’s turning part of his 14,000-square-foot business into a yoga studio. He doesn’t push product. He pushes knowledge of project.

“I want to give you a good reason to get off the couch. We’ve got to have multiple of those reasons,” he says. “Twenty years ago, you flipped on the open sign and unlocked the door.

It doesn’t happen that way anymore. You got to be doing something different.”

— Susan Cooper Eastman

entire profit margin of most independent shops.

The tax subsidy ranges from about 4 to more than 10 percent across the country, handing Bezos an advantage of several billion dollars a year that has underwritten his fast and vast expansion.

Amazon’s tax ploy has been key to its ability to undercut the prices of local retailers, forcing many of them out of business. And the tax dodge has also shortchanged our communities by eliminating billions in tax revenues that cities and states desperately need for schools, infrastructure, parks and other public services.

During the past couple of years, 21 states have stopped playing the fool, finally requiring Amazon to collect sales taxes like its competitors do. (The most recent was Florida, which started collecting a 6 percent sales tax in May.) In a study released earlier this year, the National Bureau of Economic Research analyzed retail data of five of these states and found that Amazon’s sales plummeted by nearly 10 percent after they started charging sales tax. It was saving the cost of sales tax — not any Bezos “magic” — that kept many customers buying from his online mall.

Of course, that’s cold comfort to the retailers driven out of business during two decades of Amazon’s government-backed assault.

“But wait,” as they say on late-night TV infomercials, “there’s more!” Amazon’s amazing slice-and-dice tax machine not only avoids paying state taxes, it also extracts tax money from states to expand its warehouse network.

This supremely rich company says that states wanting the (low-wage, no-benefit, temporary and dehumanizing) jobs that come with its warehouses must show Amazon the money — i.e., offer “incentive grants” or tax breaks.

In short, flimflammery and government favoritism help Amazon overwhelm honest competition and extend its monopoly reach. ● ● ●

Having overweening market power means never having to say you’re sorry — even to your owners. Beyond taxpayer subsidies, Bezos can afford to be a voracious predator because his Wall Street investors have allowed him to keep operating without returning a profit. On paper, his revenue-generating machine has lost billions of dollars, yet his major investors, enamored with Amazon’s takeover of one consumer market after another, haven’t pulled the plug.

Amazon uses its capital to buy its competitors and/or to market its own version of competitors’ products, which it then sells at a loss in order to squeeze hapless competitors out of business.

That’s the very definition of predatory pricing.

Brad Stone’s book gives a chilling example of one such predation. Amazon has its own corporate espionage team, called Competitive Intelligence, that tracks rivals. In 2009, CIAmazon spotted a fast-rising online seller of one particular baby product: Diapers.com. A Bezos lieutenant was dispatched to inform the

Such ruthlessness is standard operating procedure at Amazon, which exerts it against any gazelle it chooses to eliminate. This likely includes some of your town’s Main Street stores.

Small retailers everywhere are experiencing an ugly practice dubbed “showrooming.” For example, John Crandall, owner of Old Town Bike Shop in Colorado Springs, has seen a surge of shoppers who come in, check out the bikes he sells, ask a lot of questions, try out some bikes — and leave without buying anything.

Then, some days later, they’ll show up at the store with parts for a new bike and ask Old Town to assemble it for them. These shoppers have used their smartphones in Crandall’s store to scan the barcode of a product they like and then gone online to buy it from Amazon at a discounted price — lower than Crandall’s wholesale price.

Amazon’s new smartphone, called Fire (apparently meant in the sense of “shoot to kill”), is specifically designed to make showrooming fast and easy. Amazon has even offered $5 rebates to shoppers who scan items at stores, then buy them from the online brute. This is corporate murder. After 38 years in business, Old Town is hanging on, but it’s endangered.

Crandall employs 11 people, pays rent and local taxes, supports all sorts of community events, and is fully involved in Colorado Springs — a place Bezos couldn’t care less about.

HOW HAS AMAZON AFFECTED YOU?

MARIA COX, MIDNIGHT

SUN IMPORTS AND BEAD HERE NOW

D

eep discount pricing at Amazon can lead to deep customer distrust of the small brick-and-mortar store. Sure, they have light bills and rent and employees to pay, but some customers question whether the markup is fair. When a customer shopping at Bead Here Now in 5 Points looked at a pair of pliers used in jewelry-making, he freaked. It was double the price found on Amazon for the same thing.

He thought that Bead Here Now was gouging.

“They were selling it wholesale,” Maria Cox, owner of Bead Here Now and Midnight Sun Imports, explains. “Once I pay shipping, my price is higher than that. But this customer left feeling like we were marking it way up when, in reality, that is the cost. We couldn’t sell it for that price.”

Cox says she’s had customers in Midnight Sun take pictures of clothing or other items so that they can look for it at online retailers. And she can’t fight Amazon on price.

She responded to Amazon by changing her product. She has clothes and jewelry for her stores custom-made in India, Bali, Nepal and Thailand. “I now have my own clothing line that’s only sold here,” she says. “It’s something I moved into. I have my own market.”

— Susan Cooper Eastman

● ● ●

Producers need the marketplace, the marketplace needs products. You’d think this would be a felicitous, symbiotic relationship, but when the market grows into a virtual monopoly, the monopolist can turn on suppliers with a vengeance. Amazon has done precisely that to book publishers. While Amazon’s fight with international publishing giant Hachette has been well-publicized, it’s the medium-sized and small publishers who are especially vulnerable.

They don’t have splashy marketing budgets, so they’re largely dependent on access to the buyers coming to Amazon’s online market.

“I offered them a 30 percent discount,” the head of a small academic publishing house told The New York Times this year. “They demanded 40.” After she acquiesced, the cheetah soon came back, demanding 45.

“Where do I find that 5 percent?” she asks.

“Amazon may be able to operate at a loss, but I’m not in a position to do that.” She can’t leave, but staying could crush her company: “I wake up every single day knowing Amazon might make new, impossible demands.” ● ● ●

Rather than examine the far-reaching social destructiveness in Amazon’s business model, the Powers That Be blithely hail Bezos as an exemplary corporate leader and point to his company as a model for the New Economy.

They smile cluelessly when he says that it’s not Amazon killing off local businesses and turning work into a low-wage, roboticized nightmare

— rather, it’s “the future” that is producing these changes.

Bezos has gotten away with this hornswoggle up to now by endlessly reciting his mantra that everything Amazon does is to benefit consumers by relentlessly lowering prices. But do we want a price that’s stained with gross worker exploitation, the crushing of local enterprise, and the creation of a corporate oligarch? It’s up to us to reject this way of business.

Stacy Mitchell, an intrepid researcher with the Institute for Local Self-Reliance (ilsr. org), has been studying Amazon’s impact and rightly says that to avoid a sterile Amazonian future, we must force “a public conversation about their power.” Unlike Walmart, Amazon is largely invisible to most people. As Mitchell puts it: “All you really see is the website and then the FedEx guy is there.”

More people need to know what’s going on between that jazzy website and “the FedEx guy,” for Amazon is insidious, far more dangerous and destructive to our culture’s essential values than Walmart ever dreamed of being. Remember: Price is not value.

Exchanging value — and our society’s values — for Amazon’s low prices is a raw deal. mail@folioweekly.com

Reprinted with permission from Jim Hightower’s monthly newsletter, The Hightower Lowdown. Subscriptions are available for $15 at hightowerlowdown.org or by calling 877-747-3517.

October 1, 2014 @ 5-10 p.m. • Self-Guided Tour 14+ Live Music & Performance Venues, 14+ Hot Spots Open After 9 p.m., 55+ Total Stops

#ProstDTJax DON’T MISS: Headquarters @ Hemming Plaza • Grab your beer stein, favorite fraulein and join us for our second annual Oktoberfest @ Art Walk hosted by Kerry Speckman. Enjoy the biergarten block party serving German, seasonal and local brews, plus live oompah-pah music by Dan Witucki and Mein Heimatland

AND ANOTHER THING...

THE BIRTH OF AMAZON

Legend has it that the founding of Amazon is a classic story of a guy pulling himself up by his own bootstraps. In 1994, a bright, young fellow named Jeff Bezos heads off to the Seattle suburb of Bellevue, with not much going for him but oldfashioned pluck and a unique idea: Selling books on this new thing called the Internet. Some called him crazy, but the bold entrepreneur got his online “bookstore” started in his garage in 1995. And lo, 19 years later, it has annual sales of nearly $100 billion and has made Bezos the 13th-richest American.

Reality: Amazon did open for business in a Seattle garage, but guess where it was conceived?

Wall Street! For the eight years between graduating from Princeton and landing in Bellevue, Bezos was a very-well-paid Wall Street investment banker. In 1994, while working at D.E. Shaw, a powerhouse hedge fund, he came across a report showing that Internet marketing was about to boom, expected to grow by 2,300 percent a year. That’s when – click! – the Amazon light bulb lit up in Bezos’ head.

By the way, Amazon’s now-iconic brand name was not Bezos’ first choice. It was initially incorporated as “Cadabra,” as in abracadabra.

But that sounded too much like “cadaver.” Then came a suggestion he really, really, connected with: “Relentless.” How perfect that would’ve been! But wiser heads prevailed. So Bezos finally settled on Amazon, noting with typical modesty that the mighty Amazon River is the largest, most powerful river in the world – literally, a force of nature.

THOSE PESKY HUMANS

Reducing workers to automatons isn’t the end of Bezos’ reprograming of work and workers: It looks as though he wants to replace us pesky humans altogether.

Last year, he announced that “Amazon Prime Air” is in the works – a fleet of drones to deliver goods, gizmos and gadgets to premium customers within 30 minutes after placing their must-havenow orders. And that’s only phase one of his grand automation machination. Phase two is to

Musikanten Band, German-style food from local restaurants. Plus, participate in crowd contests including beer stein holding, yodeling and more.

take advantage of recent advances in artificial intelligence and ultimately replace all floor workers with robots.

Far-fetched? In 2012, Amazon bought Kiva Systems Inc., a leading developer and installer of robotic warehouse systems. Guided by the central computer, hundreds of Kiva robots can glide seamlessly through the aisles to pluck the items.

And they don’t do lunch or take breaks (though they do require air conditioning). For Bezos, robots would eliminate the inconvenient need for any human touch. Last November, Amazon placed 1,382 Kiva robots on the floors of three of its warehouses. In addition, Amazon/Kiva is developing automated fulfillment systems for such other retail giants as The Gap, Staples and Walgreens.

MR. BEZOS COMES TO WASHINGTON Through much of its storied history, The Washington Post has been a proud truth-telling newspaper of national importance. From exposing consumer rip-offs and environmental horrors to the Watergate scandal that consumed Dick Nixon’s presidency, the Post has practiced Journalism with a capital J. In recent years, though, jammed by changes in the newspaper business, the Post had been focusing more on cutting newsroom costs than on a watchdog role. Then, late last year, the Graham family sold the legendary Post to the avatar of Amazon, Jeff Bezos.

Why would the master of digital marketing metrics want a newspaper? Was it just a lark?

Let’s stay real – Bezos doesn’t do larks. The Post, of course, is the paper of record at our government’s epicenter, read by practically every Congress critter, agency head, lobbyist and anyone with an interest in Washington doings. Amazon’s doings are increasingly tied to the capital city – including possible antitrust probes of its practices, its secret push to get a $600 million contract to build the CIA’s cloud, the funneling of global income through Luxembourg, and its treatment of low-wage warehouse workers.

And now Mr. Amazon owns a newspaper.

— Jim Hightower

Main Street Park • Learn more about the Cultural Council’s Spark Grant program as you stroll visit with the 2014 Spark Grant recipients. Enjoy Jenny Hager’s Sculpture Walk Jacksonville, The Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens with animals and artifacts display, and Liz Gibson’s Deformance Art. Plus, listen to the beats of Mal Jones’ The Lyrcist Hour and help create a community mosaic by RouxArt. Southlight Gallery • Celebrate Taylor Harwick’s 60 years of design from 5-9 p.m.

Volunteers in Medicine • New Location – Hosts an open House featuring paintings by co-founder Dottie Dorian and photography by Dr. Jim Burt.

44Monroe Art Studio and Gallery • New Location – Features photographer Katie Grant and visual artist Chrissy Erhayel.

The Art Center Cooperative, Inc. (TAC II) • Features local artists including Steve Miller, Brian Martin, Stephen Bunnell, Meleese Scott, Jenn Mims, Melissa, Amy LaBonte, Garrett Slay, Robert Middleton, Nathan Arkat and Princess Rashid.

E3 Business Group, Inc. • Features local artwork, national recording artist Akia Uwanda, karaoke and “The Art of Doing Business, a free workshop at 6:30 p.m. for aspiring entrepreneurs, artisans, and entertainers.

Azucena Corner Deli • New Location – Features live music and artwork by local artists.

Free parking available. Some venues close at 8 p.m. For more information, visit iloveartwalk.com, or pick up an event map at any participating venue Art Walk night.

FIND US ONLINE

iloveartwalk.com

blogdtjax.com DTJax

SPONSORS

MORE @ ILOVEARTWALK.COM SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

Our Picks Reasons to leave the house this week

ROW CALL DRAGON BOAT COMPETITION

Originating in China more than 2,500 years ago, the Dragon Boat is a team-paddling vessel used in increasingly popular competitions the world over. Each 42-foot-long boat has a 20-member crew paddling furiously, guided by the team drummer’s rhythmic pulse. The Jacksonville Dragon Boat Festival features more than 1,200 paddlers on 50 teams all going for the grand prize, including the local Jax Fire Dragons, recently in the World Dragon Boat Championship in Ravenna, Italy. The race starts at 8 a.m.

Sept. 27 at The Jacksonville Landing, Downtown, jacksonvillelanding.com.

CONDUCTING BUSINESS WELCOME COURTNEY LEWIS!

, Only 30 years old, Courtney Lewis has perfected his musical skills conducting such notable musical entities as the Minnesota Orchestra, Los Angeles Philharmonic, Washington National Symphony, and the RTÉ National Symphony Orchestra of Ireland – revitalizing the classical music scene with new blood. The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra welcomes its new music director when Lewis swings the baton and leads the orchestra through performances of muchloved works by Buck, Rossini, Cloud and Berlioz.

8 p.m. Sept. 26 and 27 at Jacoby Symphony Hall, T-U Center for the Performing Arts, Downtown, $25-$72, jaxsymphony.org.

FIT AS A FIDDLE RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET

PLAYING FOR A CAUSE CLEAN WATER MUSIC FEST

An estimated 780 million people – that’s one in nine worldwide – do not have access to clean water.

Local musicians Jordyn Jackson and Shawn Fisher (Flagship Romance) have again organized a killer day of bands with the intent of raising $35,000 to donate to charity:water, an organization that hopes to bring clean, safe drinking water to everyone on Earth. Kick out the jams with primo live performers and celebrate a crucial cause at the third annual Clean Water Music Fest, featuring 20 local and regional bands including Flagship Romance, The WillowWacks, Bethany & the Troubadours, Four Families, Chasing Jonah, Chico Lobos Band, The Rubies, Dalton Cyr, Mondo Mike & the Po Boys, Canary in the Coalmine, Be Easy, The Dog Apollo, This Frontier Needs Heroes and Fort Stories. A food truck court and local vendors market are also featured. Noon-11 p.m. Sept. 27 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, suggested donation $15, cleanwatermusicfest.org.

Get off your duff, stretch your legs, and head to Riverside Arts Market this Saturday for Family Health & Fitness Day, an expo featuring local nonprofits promoting preventive healthcare services and offering info on nutrition, plus fitness demonstrations, safety classes, and artisanal fare from the market growers and vendors. Check out local and regional art and enjoy live local music and entertainment with the John Carver Band, Nikki Talley, and the Scott Jones Dancers. 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Sept. 27 under the Fuller Warren Bridge, riversideartsmarket.com.

PAGE TURNER FLORIDA HERITAGE BOOK FESTIVAL

Whether you’re a published author or think it’s time to finally expand on that 3,000-page Veronica Mars fanfic opus gathering dust in the closet, you can always use some pointers from experienced writers who’ve walked the wordriddled path. The Florida Heritage Book Festival features critique sessions and workshops with 10 literary luminaries focusing on fiction, nonfiction and poetry, as well as a literary banquet, a civil rights presentation, and festival marketplace where aspiring writers can hobnob with the literati. Sept. 25-27, Flagler College, St. Augustine, see fhbookfest.com.

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

ROCK THE PARK

NICKI BLUHM & THE GRAMBLERS

California neo-hippie Nicki Bluhm has performed with such musical heavyweights as The Dead’s Phil Lesh and Bob Weir, The Avett Brothers and Grace Potter. With her band The Gramblers, she’s honed her style of hazy Americana into a potent strain of great tunes. The band’s “Van Videos,” filmed as they rock out on their tour vehicle, have gone viral, including a savvy cover of Hall & Oates’ “I Can’t Go For That (No Can Do).” Goin’ Coastal Music Series presents Nicki Bluhm & the Gramblers, The Mother Hips and Fjord Explorer. 4 p.m. Sept. 28 at Central Park, Fernandina Beach, $15 advance; $20 at the gate, atticcommunityplayground.org.

CLASSIC ALBUMS LIVE

PAULY SHORE

THE BEATLES’ WHITE ALBUM

90’s Icon from -Encino Man -Son-in-Law -Bio-Dome & More!

JOHN WITHERSPOON THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9 at 7:30 P.M. Located inside the Ramada Mandarin at 1-295 & San Jose Blvd.

Buy tickets at

ComedyZone.com 904-292-4242

TIC KE TS: (904) 276-6750 TH C E NTER.ORG Located at St. Johns River State College 283 College Drive, Orange Park, FL

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

A&E // MUSIC

PAST PERFECT

Oklahoma garage poppers BRONCHO know how to rock out under the influence of the ’80s

T

he other day, my friend and I were arguing about the intricacies that separate punk from grunge from garage, and she shamelessly and unsuccessfully tried to convince me that “it’s all punk.” Well, Sarah, I’m taking you on a date to Jack Rabbits this Friday.

Pronounced “Bron-Cho,” Oklahomabased garage pop band BRONCHO is passing through Jacksonville with a spirit of the ’80s invasion that’s bound to have you dancing with yourself (and whoever’s beside, behind, and in front of you). Lead guitarist Ryan Lindsey, drummer Nathan Price and bassist Ben King released their sophomore record, Just Enough Hip to Be Woman, just last week, and they’ve jumped right over the treacherous second record slump. In fact, they’ve fuzzed past it, with an even better, more-fi reverbed rock than their first album, 2013’s Can’t Get Past the Lips.

BRONCHO joined the Drive Alone Records roster not long ago, the same label to give us artists like Delta Spirit and The Lumineres. But you won’t be tapping your feet to any “hey’s” and “ho’s.” The savvy three-piece will have you bouncing to an almost-too-catchy “dun dun dun dun” pop, and you’ll love them for it.

Their songs are self-proclaimed sexy nostalgia, a more contemporary Modern English that’s been run through the washing machine.

In truth, it’s hard to pin the band down to any one genre. The music video for their new track “Class Historian” has that VHS-ey kind of grit that you’d pause on as you flipped past MTV on your television in 1983. But that’s why they’re good: They’re deliberate. They take on The Strokes and a Billy Idol amalgamation and they own it.

Having a rocky start with their first album, BRONCHO is taking music fans by surprise this fall, with their new release and U.S. tour.

New songs like “NC-17” and “It’s On” are coarse and quick, but also refined enough to 18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

make you look over at your honey and smile as you cruise down the ocean highway with the sunroof open. But don’t think they’re going to give you one of those indie shows where you crowd around the band and bob your head in unison, gripping your craft beer. These guys will be on the stage with the volume up and guitars grinding. They’ll forget their synths.

Go back and check out their first album to get their grungier side, a fast-as-hell-paced rollercoaster with songs averaging no more that two minutes. Lo-fi gems like “I Don’t Really Want to Be Social” and “Blown Fuse” are good yardsticks to gauge their rapidly developing maturity and quest to finding their voice.

BRONCHO unapologetically pulls their inspiration from ’70s and ’80s pop, punk, and garage rock, and that’s why I can dance to it. Like I said earlier, BRONCHO’s sound is deliberate. Their music makes you say, “that sounds a little like … ” but their genre-bending antics allow them to avoid sounding derivative.

You can’t quite pin down what decade they’re in, beside these awkward 2000-teens we currently inhabit.

BRONCHO plays at Jack Rabbits on Friday, Sept. 26 with SUNBEARS! and Low Litas.

Bring your friends and get ready to shake a leg — fast. I expect to be sweating as I dance some sense into Sarah and show her what happens when The Kinks have a baby with Tears For Fears. Whether you’re into pop, punk or old junk, it’s worth waiting through the rote multimedia fit of SUNBEARS! to rock out with these Okie-bred distorted time-travelers.

Clark Ogier mail@folioweekly.com BRONCHO with SUNBEARS! and LOW LITAS Sept. 26 at Jack Rabbits, San Marco, advance tickets $8; $10 day of show

A&E // MUSIC

THE FLORIDA THEATRE #4 SENSES FAIL perform with NO BRAGGING RIGHTS, TO THE WIND and KNUCKLE PUCK on Sept. 24 at Underbelly.

LIVE MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SENSES FAIL, NO BRAGGING RIGHTS, TO THE WIND, KNUCKLE PUCK 7 p.m. Sept. 24 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, 699-8186, $15.

COUCHES, FIFIELD, THE STOCKTONS 8 p.m. Sept. 24 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, 353-6067, $5.

JERROD NIEMANN, RAE LYNN 7 p.m. Sept. 25 at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, Downtown, 356-1110, free.

CODE ORANGE, TWITCHING TONGUES, AXIS, BLISTERED, RHYTHM OF FEAR 7 p.m. Sept. 25 at Burro Bar, $10.

MEGHAN LINSEY, JORDYN STODDARD 9 p.m. Sept. 25 at Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311, free.

NIKKI TALLEY, JASON SHARP 7:30 p.m. Sept. 25 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008.

CONRAD OBERG 10 p.m. Sept. 26 at Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-6636, $12.

BRONCHO, SUNBEARS! 9 p.m. Sept. 26 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496.

MASTER RADICAL, DR. SIRBROTHER, WORTH ROAD, JACKSONVEGAS, JACKIE STRANGER 8 p.m. Sept. 26 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 246-2473, $8 advance, $10 at the door.

L.A. GUNS, SONIA LEIGH 6 p.m. Sept. 26 at Mavericks, The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Drive, Downtown, 356-1110, $15 advance, $20 advance upstairs.

BOOGIE FREAKS 9 p.m. Sept. 26 and 27 at Ragtime Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877.

SHAWN McDONALD, WORTH ROAD, BROOKE LOGAN 8 p.m. Sept. 27 at Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., Riverside, 388-7807, $8-$15.

AFTER MIDNIGHT (ERIC CLAPTON TRIBUTE) 10 p.m. Sept. 27 at Mojo Kitchen, $10.

Clean Water Music Fest: CHICO LOBOS BAND, BE EASY, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE, CANARY IN THE COALMINE, THE DOG APOLLO, OSCAR MIKE, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES. ADAM SAMS, FORT STORIES, MONDO MIKE & THE PO BOYS, CHASING JONAH, THE WILLOWWACKS, FOUR FAMILIES, THE RUBIES, DALTON CYR, BETHANY &

THE TROUBADOURS, RACHAEL WARFIELD, DENVER, BOB PATTERSON, PARADOX Noon-11 p.m. Sept. 27 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach, 2090399, suggested donation $15, cleanwatermusicfest.org.

PETE BONES 7 p.m. Sept. 27 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St. N, Downtown, $7.

NICKY BLUHM & THE GRAMBLERS, THE MOTHER HIPS, FJORD EXPLORER 4 p.m. Sept. 28 at Central Park, 1200 Atlantic Ave., Fernandina Beach, $15 advance; $20 at the gate, atticcommunityplayground.org.

ASYLN & THE NAYSAYERS Sept. 28 at The Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164.

PETER FRAMPTON 8 p.m. Sept. 30 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $39-$79.

GYM SHORTS, TIGHT GENES, THE MOLD, TOUCH 9 p.m. Oct. 1 at Burro Bar. DAVID GRAY 8 p.m. Oct. 1 at The Florida Theatre, $39.50-$59.50.

CITIZEN, YOU BLEW IT, HOSTAGE CALM, TRUE LOVE 6:30 p.m. Oct. 1 at Underbelly, $12-$15.

UPCOMING AREA CONCERTS

KEITH SWEAT, HOWARD HEWITT Oct. 3, T-U Center DJ VADIM, FORT KNOX FIVE Oct. 3, Freebird Live SISTER KILL CYCLE Oct. 3, Club TSI THE NEW 76ERS, LIS WILLIAMSON, JIM QUINE Oct. 4, Whitney Lab, Marineland WIDESPREAD PANIC Oct. 5, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GOV’T MULE Oct. 9, The Florida Theatre VX36 Oct. 9, Burro Bar RICHARD MARX Oct. 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall NAOMI SHELTON & THE GOSPEL QUEENS Oct. 10, The Ritz Theatre GARTH BROOKS Oct. 10-12 & 16-18, Veterans Memorial Arena ’68, MODERN ART, CARRY THE WEIGHT, SACK THE CITY Oct. 10, Burro Bar SHIVAS, TOMBOI Oct. 11, Underbelly EARTH, WIND & FIRE Oct. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre PETER CASE Oct. 11, Mudville Music Room THE VIBRATORS, POWERBALL Oct. 12, Jack Rabbits SOKO, SWEET BRONCO, JESSE MONTOYA Oct. 12, Underbelly

CAPSIZE, BEING AS AN OCEAN, FIT FOR A KING, GIDEON, WOLVES AT THE GATE Oct. 12, Murray Hill Theater TREVOR HALL, CAS HALEY Oct. 12, Freebird Live HOME FREE Oct. 14, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater EYES SET TO KILL, SCARE DON’T FEAR, LIKE MONROE, CLAUDE BOURBON Oct. 14, Mudville Music Room PHILL NIBLOCK Oct. 15, Sun-Ray Cinema WILLY PORTER, BRENT BYRD Oct. 16, Café Eleven Magnolia Fest: LYLE LOVETT, BELA FLECK, JASON ISBELL, INDIGO GIRLS, DONNA THE BUFFALO, DR. JOHN, THE WAILERS, JIM LAUDERDALE, THE LEE BOYS, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE, PARKER URBAN BAND, CHELSEA SADDLER Oct. 16-19, Suwannee Music Park THE ACACIA STRAIN, THE PLOT IN YOU, CANE HILL, DIG DEEP Oct. 17, 1904 Music Hall UNDERHILL ROSE Oct. 17, Mudville Music Room BOYTOY Oct. 17, Underbelly DISCIPLE, PROJECT 86 Oct. 17, Murray Hill Theatre DAVID NAIL Oct. 17, Mavericks at the Landing RINGO STARR & HIS ALL STARR BAND Oct. 18, TimesUnion Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater MOTLEY CRUE, ALICE COOPER Oct. 19, Veterans Memorial Arena ZIGGY MARLEY Oct. 19, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BLOCKHEAD, ELAQUENT, MUNSHINE Oct. 19, Underbelly LOS LONELY BOYS Oct. 21, The Florida Theatre THE NTH POWER, SQUEEDLEPUSS, SAM SANDERS Oct. 21, Freebird Live AUTHORITY ZERO, PRIDELESS, KOUP DE TAT Oct. 21, Jack Rabbits THE DEVIL MAKES THREE, CAVE SINGERS Oct. 22, Freebird Live MIKE WATT, HEY MANDIBLE Oct. 23, Jack Rabbits JUSTIN HAYWARD Oct. 22, The Florida Theatre IL SOGNO DEL MARINAIO, MEMPHIBIANS Oct. 23, Jack Rabbits ANDY McKEE Oct. 23, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ANJELAH JOHNSON Oct. 24, The Florida Theatre FINCH, MAPS & ATLASES, WEATHERBOX Oct. 24, Freebird Live ICED EARTH, REVAMP, AMON AMARTH, SABATON, SKELETONWITCH Oct. 25, Freebird Live PAUL McCARTNEY Oct. 25, Veterans Memorial Arena BLEEDING IN STEREO, WORLD GONE, DENIED TIL DEATH, PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE Oct. 25, Jack Rabbits BETTY LAVETTE Oct. 25, The Ritz Theatre MARK JOHNSON & EMORY LESTER Oct. 26, Café Eleven

FILL

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

The Mustard Seed Cafe Located inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items.

Daily specials include local seafood, free-range chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available — all prepared with our staff’s impeccable style.

Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net

833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Lulu’s at The Thompson House Lulu’s owners, Brian and Melanie Grimley, offer an innovative lunch menu, including po’boys, salads and seafood “little plates” served in the gardens of the historic Thompson House.

Dinner features fresh local seafood (Fernandina shrimp is the focus every Thursday), and nightly specials. An extensive wine list and beer are available. Open for lunch and dinner Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations are recommended.

11 S. Seventh Street 904-432-8394

PLAE Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Spa & Shops at Amelia Island Plantation, PLAE serves bistro-style cuisine. The full bar lounge at PLAE has become an instant classic, with artistic décor and live entertainment nightly. Now you can PLAE during the day, too! Open for lunch Tue.-Sat. 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.

Open at 5:30 p.m. for dinner daily; reservations accepted.

80 Amelia Village Cir. 904-277-2132

Moon River Pizza

Cafe Karibo Homemade sandwiches, salads and soups are served in a relaxed atmosphere in this charming building in the historic district. Delicious fresh fish specials and theme nights (Pad Thai and curry), plus vegetarian dishes, are also featured.

Karibrew Brew Pub & Grub — the only one on the island — offers on-site beers and great burgers and sandwiches.

27 N. Third Street 904-277-5269

29 South Eats This chic, neighborhood bistro has it all — great ambience, fantastic food, an extensive wine list and reasonable prices.

The eclectic menu offers regional cuisine with a modern whimsical twist and Chef Scotty Schwartz won Best Chef in Folio Weekly’s 2007 Best of Jax readers poll. Open for lunch Tues.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., for dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Mon.-Thur., till 10 p.m. Fri. and Sat. Brunch is 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Sun. 29southrestaurant.com.

29 S. Third Street 904-277-7919

Brett’s Waterway Café Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660

T-Ray’s Burger Station

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family. Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beers. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items. In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go! Now serving beer & wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

Ciao Italian Bistro You’ll find this charming Italian Bistro located in the heart of Amelia Island’s Historic District. Whether dining indoors or outside on our covered patio, your experience will be a memorable one. Choose from a fantastic menu filled with authentic homemade Italian dishes and a wine list that will leave your palate pleased. Contact us for reservations or catering needs. Open Sun.-Thurs. at 5 p.m., Fri. and Sat. at 11:30 a.m.

302 Centre Street 904-206-4311

Sliders Seaside Grill Oceanfront dining at its finest. Award-winning crab cakes, fresh daily seafood specials and homemade desserts. Sliders has Amelia Island’s only waterfront Tiki Bar, as well as a children’s playground and live music every weekend. The dining experience is complete with brand-new second-story banquet facilities, bar and verandah. Open at 11 a.m. daily Mon.-Fri. Make Sliders Seaside Grill your place to be for friends and family, entertainment and the best food on the East Coast. Call for your next special event.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-277-6652

Jack & Diane’s

The locals’ favorite hangout! Dine inside or on the patio of this cozy, renovated 1887 shotgun home in historic downtown Fernandina. From the crab & shrimp omelet to the steak & tomato pie, “The tastiest spot on Centre” offers food with attitude and unexpected flair. Live music elevates your dining experience to a new level. Come for breakfast, stay for dinner! You’ll love every bite!

708 Centre Street 904-321-1444

David’s Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Historic District, David’s is a place to have a dining experience, not just dinner. Offering the freshest seafood from around the world and serving only the finest prime aged meats. Dover sole, Chilean sea bass, soft shell crab & nightly fresh fish special. Filet Oscar, rack of lamb & and our signature 16oz grilled-to-perfection ribeye always available. Add foie gras or a Maine lobster tail to any entrée. Elegant but chic atmosphere. Bar & lounge with live music and complimentary valet parking on Fri. & Sat. nights. Private dining offered up to 12 guests in our Wine Room. Private parties up to 50. Wine Spectator rated. Lounge open 5 p.m.: open 6 p.m. for dinner, nightly. Reservations highly recommended.

AmeliaIslandDavids.com

802 Ash Street 904-310-6049

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville 20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 l

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LIMELIGHT THEATRE PRESENTS

TRY A CUP OF JOE CRAFTED BY JOE.

Come meet the family…

LIMELIGHT THEATRE PRESENTS

Sept. 19 – Oct. 19 “The weird and wonderful family comes to devilishly delightful life in The Addams Family.

This magnificently macabre new musical comedy is created by Jersey Boys authors Marshal Brickman & Rick Elice, and Drama Desk Award winner Andrew Lippa.”

Come find out why Lillie’s Coffee Bar is THE BEST COFFEEHOUSE AT THE BEACH! Wi-Fi • Delectable Desserts • Healthy, Delicious Cuisine • Live Music on Fri. & Sat.

200 First St.

Neptune Beach

904.249.2922

lilliescoffeebar.com

3-color (CMYK)

2-color (CMYK)

Sept. 18 through Oct. 19

2-color (CMYK)

By MARSHALL BRICKMAN and RICK ELICE Music and Lyrics by ANDREW LIPPA Based on characters created

by Charles Addams 3-color (CMYK) Licensed by arrangement with Theatrical Rights Worldwide

For reservations, call 904-825-1164 or go to limelight-theatre.org 11 Old Mission Ave. uptown St. Augustine FREE parking

Sept. 18 through Oct. 19

By MARSHALL BRICKMAN and RICK ELICE Music and Lyrics by ANDREW LIPPA Based on characters created by Charles Addams Licensed by arrangement with Theatrical Rights Worldwide

1-color (CMYK)

1-color (CMYK)

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The Mustard Seed Cafe Located inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items.

Daily specials include local seafood, free-range chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available — all prepared with our staff’s impeccable style.

Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net

833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141

Lulu’s at The Thompson House Lulu’s owners, Brian and Melanie Grimley, offer an innovative lunch menu, including po’boys, salads and seafood “little plates” served in the gardens of the historic Thompson House.

Dinner features fresh local seafood (Fernandina shrimp is the focus every Thursday), and nightly specials. An extensive wine list and beer are available. Open for lunch and dinner Tue.-Sat., brunch on Sun. Reservations are recommended.

11 S. Seventh Street 904-432-8394

PLAE Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Spa & Shops at Amelia Island Plantation, PLAE serves bistro-style cuisine. The full bar lounge at PLAE has become an instant classic, with artistic décor and live entertainment nightly. Now you can PLAE during the day, too! Open for lunch Tue.-Sat. 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.

Open at 5:30 p.m. for dinner daily; reservations accepted.

80 Amelia Village Cir. 904-277-2132

Moon River Pizza

Cafe Karibo Homemade sandwiches, salads and soups are served in a relaxed atmosphere in this charming building in the historic district. Delicious fresh fish specials and theme nights (Pad Thai and curry), plus vegetarian dishes, are also featured.

Karibrew Brew Pub & Grub — the only one on the island — offers on-site beers and great burgers and sandwiches.

27 N. Third Street 904-277-5269

29 South Eats This chic, neighborhood bistro has it all — great ambience, fantastic food, an extensive wine list and reasonable prices.

The eclectic menu offers regional cuisine with a modern whimsical twist and Chef Scotty Schwartz won Best Chef in Folio Weekly’s 2007 Best of Jax readers poll. Open for lunch Tues.-Sat., 11:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m., for dinner 5:30-9:30 p.m.

Mon.-Thur., till 10 p.m. Fri. and Sat. Brunch is 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Sun. 29southrestaurant.com.

29 S. Third Street 904-277-7919

Brett’s Waterway Café Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.

Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660

T-Ray’s Burger Station

Moon River Pizza treats customers like family. Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custom-made by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beers. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.

T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items. In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go! Now serving beer & wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.

925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400

202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310

Ciao Italian Bistro You’ll find this charming Italian Bistro located in the heart of Amelia Island’s Historic District. Whether dining indoors or outside on our covered patio, your experience will be a memorable one. Choose from a fantastic menu filled with authentic homemade Italian dishes and a wine list that will leave your palate pleased. Contact us for reservations or catering needs. Open Sun.-Thurs. at 5 p.m., Fri. and Sat. at 11:30 a.m.

302 Centre Street 904-206-4311

Sliders Seaside Grill Oceanfront dining at its finest. Award-winning crab cakes, fresh daily seafood specials and homemade desserts. Sliders has Amelia Island’s only waterfront Tiki Bar, as well as a children’s playground and live music every weekend. The dining experience is complete with brand-new second-story banquet facilities, bar and verandah. Open at 11 a.m. daily Mon.-Fri. Make Sliders Seaside Grill your place to be for friends and family, entertainment and the best food on the East Coast. Call for your next special event.

1998 S. Fletcher Ave. 904-277-6652

Jack & Diane’s

The locals’ favorite hangout! Dine inside or on the patio of this cozy, renovated 1887 shotgun home in historic downtown Fernandina. From the crab & shrimp omelet to the steak & tomato pie, “The tastiest spot on Centre” offers food with attitude and unexpected flair. Live music elevates your dining experience to a new level. Come for breakfast, stay for dinner! You’ll love every bite!

708 Centre Street 904-321-1444

David’s Restaurant & Lounge Located in the Historic District, David’s is a place to have a dining experience, not just dinner. Offering the freshest seafood from around the world and serving only the finest prime aged meats. Dover sole, Chilean sea bass, soft shell crab & nightly fresh fish special. Filet Oscar, rack of lamb & and our signature 16oz grilled-to-perfection ribeye always available. Add foie gras or a Maine lobster tail to any entrée. Elegant but chic atmosphere. Bar & lounge with live music and complimentary valet parking on Fri. & Sat. nights. Private dining offered up to 12 guests in our Wine Room. Private parties up to 50. Wine Spectator rated. Lounge open 5 p.m.: open 6 p.m. for dinner, nightly. Reservations highly recommended.

AmeliaIslandDavids.com

802 Ash Street 904-310-6049

Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville 20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 l

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SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

LIMELIGHT THEATRE PRESENTS

Come meet the family…

LIMELIGHT THEATRE PRESENTS

Sept. 19 – Oct. 19 “The weird and wonderful family comes to devilishly delightful life in The Addams Family.

This magnificently macabre new musical comedy is created by Jersey Boys authors Marshal Brickman & Rick Elice, and Drama Desk Award winner Andrew Lippa.”

3-color (CMYK)

2-color (CMYK)

Sept. 18 through Oct. 19

2-color (CMYK)

By MARSHALL BRICKMAN and RICK ELICE Music and Lyrics by ANDREW LIPPA Based on characters created

by Charles Addams 3-color (CMYK) Licensed by arrangement with Theatrical Rights Worldwide

For reservations, call 904-825-1164 or go to limelight-theatre.org 11 Old Mission Ave. uptown St. Augustine FREE parking

Sept. 18 through Oct. 19

By MARSHALL BRICKMAN and RICK ELICE Music and Lyrics by ANDREW LIPPA Based on characters created by Charles Addams Licensed by arrangement with Theatrical Rights Worldwide

1-color (CMYK)

1-color (CMYK)

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A&E // MUSIC

DAVID GRAY performs on Oct. 1 at The Florida Theatre.

THE POLISH AMBASSADOR Oct. 29, Freebird Live MIKE DOUGHTY Oct. 29, Café Eleven Halloween Cover Show: OBN IIIS, GOLDEN PELICANS, BURNT HAIR, RIVERSIDE PARTY GIRLS Oct. 30, Underbelly SUPERVILLAINS, THROUGH THE ROOTS Oct. 31, Freebird Live Suwannee Hulaween: THIEVERY CORPORATION, BIG GIGANTIC, BEATS ANTIQUE, THE NEW DEAL, JOE RUSSO’S ALMOST DEAD, GREENSKY BLUEGRASS, FUTURE ROCK, RISING APPALACHIA, THE HEAVY PETS,

GREENHOUSE LOUNGE, MICHAEL TRAVIS, JASON HANN, EOTO Oct. 31-Nov. 2, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park ANGEL OLSEN, LIONLIMB Nov. 1, Jack Rabbits STEVE POLTZ, DONNY BRAZILE Nov. 1, Café Eleven NEW KINGSTON, I RESOLUTION, MYSTIC DINO & THE KIDS, DJ RAGGAMUFFIN Nov. 2, Freebird Live MELVINS Nov. 3, Jack Rabbits CASTING CROWNS Nov. 6, Veterans Memorial Arena CHERYL WHEELER Nov. 6, Café Eleven Old City Music Fest: OLD DOMINION, JASON D.

UNDERBELLY WEDNESDAY | SEPTEMBER 24 Senses Fail / No Bragging Rights Knuckle Puck

THURSDAY | SEPTEMBER 25 Open Mic

FRIDAY | SEPTEMBER 26 Robert Goodman’s Birthday Party

WEDNESDAY | OCTOBER 1 Citizen / You Blew It Hostage Calm / True Love

THURSDAY | OCTOBER 2 Open Mic

FRIDAY | OCTOBER 3 After the Burial

SATURDAY | OCTOBER 4 Jax Original Music Fest

SATURDAY | OCTOBER 11 The Shivas

SUNDAY | OCTOBER 12 Soko / Sweet Broncho

SUNDAY | OCTOBER 19 Blockhead / Elaquent / Munshine

THURSDAY | NOVEMBER 20 The Word Alive / The Color Morale Our Last Night / Dead Rabbits Miss Fortune 113 EAST BAY STREET | JACKSONVILLE,FL 32202 UNDERBELLYLIVE.COM

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WILLIAMS Nov. 7, St. Augustine START MAKING SENSE Nov. 7, Jack Rabbits BLACK LILLIES Nov. 7, Colonial Quarter, St. Augustine Old City Music Fest: JOAN JETT & THE BLACKHEARTS, WILL HOGE Nov. 8, St. Augustine HEART Nov. 8, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RANDY NEWMAN Nov. 9, Flagler College PHILLIP PHILLIPS Nov. 9, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MARY CHAPIN CARPENTER, TIFT MERRITT Nov. 9, The Florida Theatre THE LONE BELLOW Nov. 10, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TAB BENOIT Nov. 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall REVEREND HORTON HEAT, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE Nov. 12, Jack Rabbits Bear Creek Music & Arts Festival: DUMPSTAPHUNK, UMPHREY’S McGEE, ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES, OTEIL BURBRIDGE, ZACH DEPUTY, MINGO FISHTRAP, THE FRITZ, CATFISH ALLIANCE Nov. 13-16, Suwannee Music Park ROD PICOTT Nov. 13, Mudville Music Room TRIBAL SEEDS, BALLYHOO, GONZO WITH BEYOND I SIGHT Nov. 13, Freebird Live LeCRAE Nov. 13, The Florida Theatre O.A.R. Nov. 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MATTHEW & GUNNAR NELSON Nov. 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DIRTY HEADS, ROME Nov. 14, Mavericks at the Landing THE CURT TOWNE BAND, FIREROAD Nov. 14, Freebird Live CLARENCE CARTER Nov. 14, The Ritz Theatre JUSTIN TOWNES EARLE Nov. 15, Colonial Quarters, St. Augustine JAMES TAYLOR & HIS ALL-STAR BAND: LOU MARINI, WALT FOWLER, LARRY GOLDINGS, LUIS CONTE, STEVE GADD, ANDREA ZONN, KATE MARKOWITZ, ARNOLD McCULLER, DAVID LASLEY, JIMMY JOHNSON, MICHAEL LANDAU Nov. 19, Veterans Memorial Arena ERIC LINDELL Nov. 20, Mojo Kitchen THE WORD ALIVE, COLOR MORALE, OUR LAST NIGHT, THE DEAD RABBITS, MISS FORTUNE Nov. 20, Underbelly THIRD DAY Nov. 21, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts OTIS CLAY Nov. 22, The Ritz Theatre FLATBUSH ZOMBIES, THE UNDERACHIEVERS Nov. 22, Underbelly RELIENT K, BLONDFIRE, FROM INDIAN LAKES Nov. 24, Freebird Live AARON CARTER Nov. 25, Jack Rabbits The Big Ticket: FALL OUT BOY, WEEZER, ALT-J, YOUNG THE GIANT, CHEVELLE, NEW POLITICS, J RODDY, BIG DATA, BEAR HANDS, YOUNG RISING SONS, ISLANDER Dec. 5, Metropolitan Park JUBILEE RIOTS Dec. 6, Café Eleven QUINTRON & MISS PUSSYCAT, WHITE MYSTERY, BURNT HAIR, THE MOLD Dec. 9, Underbelly DIANA KRALL Dec. 9, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Jacoby Symphony Hall PIERCE PETTIS Dec. 11, Mudville Music Room WYNONNA & THE BIG NOISE Dec. 14, The Florida Theatre ALLEN TOUSSAINT Dec. 14, The Ritz Theatre JOE BONAMASSA Dec. 17, The Florida Theatre BOWSER & THE STINGRAYS, HERMAN’S HERMITS & PETER NOONE, GARY PUCKETT & THE UNION GAP Dec. 18, The Florida Theatre BAD SANTA, GRANT PEEPLES Dec. 18, Mudville Music Room A SWAMP RADIO CHRISTMAS Dec. 21, The Florida Theatre DON WILLIAMS Jan. 7, The Florida Theatre ’70s Soul Jam: THE SPINNERS, THE STYLISTICS, THE MAIN INGREDIENT Jan. 8, The Florida Theatre MIRANDA SINGS Jan. 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND Jan. 16, The Florida Theatre THE BOTH (Aimee Mann, Ted Leo) Jan. 16, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DIANE SCHUUR Jan. 17, The Ritz Theatre ARLO GUTHRIE Jan. 20, The Florida Theatre KATHLEEN MADIGAN Jan. 22, The Florida Theatre IRIS DEMENT Jan. 23, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall URSAMINOR, SURVIVING SEPTEMBER, THE HEALING PROCESS, NOCTURNAL STATE OF MIND Jan. 31, Freebird Live TIME JUMPERS & VINCE GILL Feb. 7, The Florida Theatre JOHN HAMMOND Feb. 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MARCUS ROBERTS TRIO Feb. 20, The Florida Theatre DENNIS DeYOUNG Feb. 21, The Florida Theatre STRINGFEVER March 5, Café Eleven Aura Music & Arts Festival: MOE, THE DISCO BISCUITS, PAPADOSIO, SNARKY PUPPY, THE MAIN SQUEEZE, PIGEONS PLAYING PING PONG, McLOVINS, GHOST OWL March 6-8, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park THREE DOG NIGHT March 10, The Florida Theatre JOHN MELLENCAMP: PLAIN SPOKEN TOUR March 15, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts JACKIE EVANCHE March 22, The Florida Theatre GET THE LED OUT: THE AMERICAN LED ZEPPELIN March 25, The Florida Theatre

A&E // MUSIC

Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon at 6 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies Ginger at 6 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford & Steve Shanholtzer at 6 p.m. every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Conrad Oberg at 10 p.m. on Sept. 26. After Midnight (Eric Clapton Tribute) at 10 p.m. on Sept. 27 NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Pierce in Harmony on Sept. 24. King Eddie & Pili Pili on Sept.

25. Last 2 Leave Band on Sept. 26. Monkey Wrench on Sept.

27. Leslie Baptiste on Sept. 29. Kevin Ski on Sept. 30 NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic

JERROD NIEMANN performs with RAE LYNN on Sept. 25 at Mavericks at the Landing.

BRONX WANDERERS March 29, Florida Theatre JANIS IAN, TOM PAXTON April 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THE ORCHESTRA (Former ELO & ELO II members) April 11, The Florida Theatre CELTIC WOMAN 10TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR April 17, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater RAIN April 24, The Florida Theatre CHRIS BOTTI April 30, The Florida Theatre ZZ TOP, JEFF BECK May 9, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

Sept. 27. Live music every Fri. & Sat. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Split Tone on Sept. 26 & 27. DJ Mac at 6 p.m. on Sept. 27. Dirty Pete every Wed. Split Tone every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Who Rescued Who every Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., 246-1500 Jazz Night on Sept. 24. Catfish Alliance on Sept. 25. Barrett Jockers on Sept. 26. Lumagrove on Sept. 27 MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Neptune

CLUBS AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049 John Springer every Tue.-Wed. Aaron Bing 6 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. GREEN TURTLE, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Buck Smith every Thur. Yancy Clegg every Sun. Vinyl Record Nite every Tue. HAMMERHEADS, 2045 S. Fletcher Ave., 491-7783 DJ Refresh 9 p.m. every Sun. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 491-8999 Live music every Fri. & Sat.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores at 9 p.m. every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free at 9 p.m. every Tue. & Thur. Indie dance at 9 p.m. Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance at 9 p.m. every Fri. Music every Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200 Johnnie Morgan Band on Sept. 25. Herd of Watts on Sept.

26. Chillakaya on Sept. 27

BEACHES

THE VELDT WITH GUESTS CASSIUS CLAYE & TBA tickets available at ticketfly.com OCTOBER 11 WED 9/24

couches, fifield, the stocktons

THU 9/25

code orange kids, twitching tongues, axis, blistered, rhythm of fear

SUN 9/28

the head, six time losers, river city kats

MON 9/29

the yev, rock hell victory

WED 10/1

art walk feat: gymshorts, tight genes, the mold, gov club

FRI 10/3

punk rock flea market

SAT 10/4

gut them like pigs, all in, primitive hard drive, immersion, double tap

THU 10/9

VX36, bargainers

FRI 10/10

‘68, modern art, more...

(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BILLY’S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 John Spreier on Sept. 24. Billy Bowers 6-10 p.m. on Sept. 25.

Jetty Cats on Sept. 26 BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Ste. 35, Atlantic Beach, 249-0301Joe Oliff at 6:30 p.m. on Sept. 30 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Robby & Felix at 7 p.m. on Sept. 26. Irish music at 6:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 Kim Reteguiz & the Black Cat Bones at 10 p.m. on Sept. 26 & 27. Darren Corlew on Sept. 28. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Red Beard & Stinky E at 10 p.m. every Thur.

FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Master Radical, Dr. Sirbrother, Worth Road, JacksonVegas, Bryce Alastair Band 8 p.m. on Sept. 26. Gimme Hendrix, Immersion, Uncle Buffalo 8 p.m. on Sept. 27. Charli XCX, Elliphant, Femme at 7 p.m. on Sept. 29. DJ Vadim, Fort Knox Five, Matthew Connor at 8 p.m. on Oct. 3 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. Dan Evans, Spade McQuade at 6 p.m. every Sun. Back From the Brink at 9 p.m. every Mon. LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Dixie Rodeo on Sept. 26. Unique Sound Band on

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

A&E // MUSIC

PETE BONES at 1904 Music Hall on Sept. 27.

Beach, 372-4105 MaryAnn Hawkins at 7 p.m. on Sept. 25 PIER CANTINA & SANDBAR, 412 First St. N., 246-6454 Charlie Walker at 3 p.m. on Sept. 28 POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637 Live music every Fri. & Sat. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Billy Bowers on Sept. 24. 3 the Band on Sept.

25. Boogie Freaks on Sept. 26 & 27. Live music every Thur.-Sun. WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 247-4508 The Crazy Daysies at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 25.

Mike Lyons at 9:30 p.m. on Sept. 26. Live music every Thur. and Fri.

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. A Brilliant Lie, Bleeding in Stereo, Ursa Minor, Black Stache at 8 p.m. on Sept. 26. Pete Bones at 8 p.m. on Sept. 27. Bridging the Music at 5 p.m. Sept. 28. Ghost Owl at 5 p.m. Oct. 1. Herd of Watts, Sentropolis on Oct. 2. Open mic jam every Mon. BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St., 353-4686 Couches, Fifield, The Stocktons at 8 p.m. on Sept. 24. Code Orange, Twitching Tongues, Axis, Blistered, Rhythm of Fear at 7 p.m. on Sept. 25. The Yev, Rock Hell Victory on Sept. 29.

Gym Shorts, Tight Genes, The Mold, Touch on Oct. 1 CLUB TSI DISCOTHEQUE, 333 E. Bay St. DJ Robert Goodman at 9 p.m. on Sept. 26. Sister Kill Cycle on Oct. 3 DUKE’S PLACE BLUES BAR, 521 W. Forsyth St., 627-5617 Eclectic Soul, Universal Green at 3 p.m. on Sept. 28 FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade from 6-9 p.m. on Sept. 24. Live music 5-8 p.m., Brett Foster at 8 p.m. on Sept. 26. Live music at 8 p.m. on Sept. 27. Live music at 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 Friday Night Live 8 p.m.-1 a.m.: local bands, singers and musicians compete on Riverfront Courtyard Stage; Staring Blind on Sept. 26. Jerrod Niemann and Rae Lynn at 7 p.m. on Sept. 25. Persona Non Grata from 8 p.m.-1 a.m. on Sept. 27. Reggae Jammin at 4 p.m. on Sept. 28 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Roy Luis every Wed. DJ Vinn every Thur. DJ 007 every Fri. Bay Street every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 L.A. Guns, Sonia Leigh at 6 p.m. on Sept. 26. Joe Buck, Big Tasty every Thur.-Sat. NORTHSTAR PIZZA BAR, 119 E. Bay St., 860-5451 Savanna Leigh Bassett at 8 p.m. on Sept. 25 UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 699-8186 Senses Fail, No Bragging Rights, To the Wind, Knuckle Puck at 7 p.m. on Sept. 24. Lefty Williams Band on Sept. 26

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Megan Dimond at 9 p.m. on Sept. 26. Ivey West Band at 9 p.m. on Sept. 27 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Fat Cactus at 9:30 p.m. on Sept. 26 & 27. Ace Winn at 5 p.m. on Sept. 26. Open mic 9 p.m. every Thur. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., 4:30 p.m. every Sun.

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INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, 645-5162 DJ Big Rob every Thur., Sun. & Tue. JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 XHale at 9 p.m. on Sept. 26 YOUR PLACE, 13245 Atlantic, 221-9994 Clayton Bush on Sept. 24

MANDARIN, JULINGTON

HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 Retro Kats on Sept. 28. Open mic: Synergy at 8 p.m. every Wed. World’s Most Talented Waitstaff at 9 p.m. every Fri.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells, 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PREVATT’S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 DJ Tammy at 9 p.m. every Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Circle of Influence 10 p.m. on Sept. 26 & 27. DJ Corey B every Wed. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

PONTE VEDRA, PALM VALLEY

PUSSER’S GRILLE, 816 A1A N., 280-7766 Gary Amonette & the Valley Grass Band on Sept. 24. Jason Ivey at 6 p.m. on Sept. 25. King Eddie & Pili Pili at 8 p.m. on Sept. 26.

Live music every Wed.-Sun. TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., Ste. 208, 280-5515 Deron Baker at 6 p.m. on Sept. 24. Gary Starling Jazz Band at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 25. Colton McKenna & Todd Jones at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 27

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

LAKE SHORE BAR, 2420 Lake Shore Blvd., 389-9224 The Jamie Eubanks Band at 1 p.m. on Sept. 28 MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 Caledonia String Band at 7 p.m. on Sept. 26.

Fifield, Buffalo Buffalo, A Call for Kylie, Detached at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 26. Shawn McDonald, Worth Road, Brooke Logan at 8 p.m. on Sept. 27 rain dogs., 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Matt Butcher & the Schoolyard Band at 9 p.m. on Sept. 28 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 John Carver Band, Nikki Talley, Scott Jones Dancers; starts 10:30 a.m. on Sept. 27

ST. AUGUSTINE, ST. AUGUSTINE BEACH

ANN O’MALLEY’S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Ric Welch at 8:30 p.m. on Sept. 26. Jig to a Milestone at 8:30 p.m. on Sept. 27. Open mic with Smokey Joe every Tue. CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Meghan Linsey, Jordyn Stoddard at 9 p.m. on Sept. 25 THE CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Mojo

A&E // MUSIC

Roux at 7 p.m. on Sept. 26. Chase Rideman at 2 p.m., Mojo Roux at 7 p.m. on Sept. 27. Vinny Jacobs at 2 p.m. on Sept. 28 MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19-1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Nathaniel Good, Todd & Molly Jones, Adam Lee on Sept. 24. Don Oja Dunaway, David Dowling, Aaron Esposito on Sept. 25. Don Oja Dunaway, Donny Brazile, 2/3rds Band on Sept. 26. Shane Billette, Aaron Esposito, 2/3rds Band on Sept. 27. Katherine Archer, Donny Brazile on Sept. 28. Brent Byrd on Sept. 29 TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 342-0286 Rick Levy & The Falling Bones on Sept. 26. Open mic every Wed. Live music every Fri. & Sat. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Red River Band at 9 p.m. on Sept. 26 & 27. Matanzas every Sun.Thur. Elizabeth Roth at 1 p.m. every Sat.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

INDOCHINE San Marco & Buddha Lounge, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013 Dance Radio Underground, Sugar & Cream, Black Hoodie, Bass Therapy Sessions from 10 p.m.-mid. Allan GIz-Roc Oteyza, Scott Perry aka TrapNasty and Cry Havoc rotate, mid.-3 a.m. for Fever Saturdays JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Kyle Kinane, Chris Buck on Sept. 24. Broncho, Sunbears! on Sept. 26. Mondo Mike & the Po Boys on Sept. 30 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer, Luke Peacock, Michael Munn at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 24. Nikki Talley, Jason Sharp on Sept. 25. Kalal Duo at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 30 THE PARLOUR SPEAKEASY, 2002 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455 Mondo Mike & the Po Boys at 9 p.m. on Sept. 27

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

COMEDY CLUB, 11000 Beach Blvd., Ste. 8, 646-4277 Fascinating Rhythm Orchestra at 7 p.m. 1st & 3rd Wed. COPPER TAP HOUSE, 13500 Beach Blvd., 647-6595 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. LATITUDE 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 Be Easy on Sept. 25. VJ Fellin, Trae Pierce & the T-Stone Band on Sept.

26 & 27. Who Rescued Who on Sept. 28 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955 Charlie Walker on Sept. 25. Crusoe on Sept. 26 MY PLACE BAR & GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows, 737-5299 Clayton Bush Band on Sept. 26. The Druids on Sept. 27.

Don’t Call Me Shirley on Oct. 3. Chuck Nash every Tue. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Chris Brinkley Sept. 24. The Gootch on Sept. 26 WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929 Mitch Kuhman on Sept. 25. Bread & Butter at 9 p.m. on Sept. 26. Danielle Hicks at 9 p.m. on Sept. 27. Split Tone on Oct. 3. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

3 LIONS SPORTS PUB & GRILLE, 2467 Faye Rd., 647-8625 The Remains at 9 p.m. on Sept. 27 HIGHWAY 17 ROADHOUSE, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee, 225-9211 Live music most weekends SHANTYTOWN PUB, 22 W. Sixth St., 798-8222 Warm Like Winter, Gross Evolution at 8 p.m. on Sept. 26. Minor Influence on Sept. 27 THREE LAYERS COFFEEHOUSE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Jeremy “Myztroh” McKinnies at 8 p.m. on Sept.

27. Open mic every Thur.

SHAWN McDONALD at Murray Hill Theatre on Sept. 27.

THE KNIFE

Photos provided by Perpetualmovement.net

SPIN CONTROL 50.

It’s an age that, for many, signals the beginning of the end, like the distant footfalls of the Reaper himself, making the long trek from the underworld to claim your soul for all eternity. You may have a few good years left, but those creaking bones, those memory lapses, those increasingly frequent trips to the toilet — they can only mean one thing: You are over the hill.

For others, though, the golden anniversary is to be celebrated as a reclamation of one’s youth, recognition of survival and a weathering of life’s long storm. It’s in this spirit that ever-youthful Jacksonville DJ Robert Goodman throws down the gauntlet and challenges the advancing Reaper to a duel — on the digital turntables, as it were. Goodman turns 50 this month, and he’s throwing a birthday bash on Friday, Sept. 26 at Underbelly.

Goodman, a staple in the local club scene for nearly three decades, will spin songs spanning his musical history, as special guests join him throughout the evening. I recently spoke to Goodman about his long and influential journey as DJ, music fan and tastemaker.

music store Now Hear This in 5 Points.

I never played the same music as everyone else, but made my own format and niche, both with alternative and indie, and with EDM. My nights were so popular, when Planet Radio came on air in 1995, program director Jim Randall hired me to do two shows, Forbidden Planet and Open House on Saturday nights. I was always rated No. 1 or 2 in the market, competing with both the hip-hop mix show on The Beat and Johnny Rocks on WAPE. The best part of all was that I was playing music that the mainstream had no idea about and was fortunate enough to shape the taste of this market for all 13 years I was at Planet.

How has your personal taste changed over the years, and is that reflected in what you spin, or is it just “give the people what they want”?

Great question. The truth is that it’s always been a tightrope. You have to play music people like and know, but I could never have stood out if I just played the hits. That’s true for every format I’ve ever played. The art of breaking your own hits, or format, is something I always strived to achieve.

My personal tastes have always been very forward-thinking, but I recognize the power of older music people don’t ever get to hear anymore as well.

And I’ve always known to make sure the women were happy. You can’t build a night just pleasing the guys.

Folio Weekly: Give us a rundown on your Jacksonville DJ’ing history.

Robert Goodman: I gained notoriety playing at 17 South from 1987’89, The Milk Bar from 1990-2000, started the Iconic UPC Night at Baha Beach Club from 1989-’95. I opened Club 5, was the resident at The Edge What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you when you [in the early ’90s], at 618 and DV8. I also worked — some big festivals, and I were spinning? have worked, and still do, periodically — at Eclipse In my early days, it was late night at Jazzco, throughout their 20-plus-year history. I currently after Spectrum closed. The entire club was cheering ROBERT GOODMAN spin the last Friday of every month at TSI for ALT. while I was remixing the heck out of Laid Back’s 9 p.m. Sept. 26 at Underbelly, Downtown, 699-8186, “White Horse” — changing the lyric structure underbellylive.com How has the art of DJ’ing changed over the years — finished and went to mix into Prince’s “Erotic you’ve been active?

City.” I picked up the wrong needle and went to It’s much easier today that it was 30, even 10 years ago. If you wanted dead air to a crowd of over 600 people. Wow. Terrible. That happened to flange a record, you had to have two copies, and do it manually. Most during my first year of DJ’ing, and I never made that mistake again for the new DJs wouldn’t even know how to do that, as there are effect and remix next 29 years. buttons for everything now. My back remembers every crate of vinyl or Most recently, with DJ’ing being mostly technology-based these days, flight case I had to lug with me into venues or on a flight to play in another I had my laptop freeze up on the right deck. I had to live drop in the next song on beat on the left deck for almost 40 minutes. I never lost the floor, market. Today, you can have 200 crates’ worth of music on your MacBook, and no one knew, but it was one of the most stressful hours of my DJ career. or even a thumb drive. It’s a totally different world. I know that makes me sound like an old man, but if most DJs that started in the last 10 years had John E. Citrone to work like we did 30 years ago, they would gain a new respect for the craft. mail@folioweekly.com How has Jacksonville changed since that time?

When I started, there was no place to spin anything except Top 40. My first job was spinning that for four years at Jax Liquors Spectrum. That had lines going down the sidewalk to get in. I played a mix of music including The Cult and The Cure early night there, and funk, freestyle, Miami Bass and disco for the peak of the night. I almost lost that job for refusing to play Southern rock. I wound up playing “Free Bird” — the only time I’ve ever played it — to appease management, and told the crowd I was told to play it or I would be fired. The crowd erupted into boos, and I was never asked to play it again … and kept the job.

You have an iconic status here. What did you do to earn that?

I think most importantly, I never took it as an ego trip; I was there to make people have fun and dance. I started DJ’ing while working at The Music Shop, which later became the Theory Shop in Einstein A Go-Go. For the next 15 years, I always worked with DJs selling music, opening my

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25

A&E // MOVIES

SIBLING SURPRISE The Skeleton Twins marks a dramatic coming-out for ex-SNL sketch-comedy stars

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toy, which, though imaginative in a Day of t’s been the year for finding tender drama the Dead way, seems a bit too macabre for in unexpected places. Obvious Child took children. Yet the entire film is darker and more chances by mixing broad comedy and the twisted than you’d expect, in alternatingly sensitive topic of abortion, Boyhood impressed comic and brutally painful ways. There’s the us with its directorial vision, and Locke held twins’ relationship itself (which lurches from us in an emotional vise grip for its duration, closeness to repulsion), Maggie’s too-perfect despite its single setting and character. Who marriage to Lance (Luke Wilson) and Milo’s says cinematic innovation is passé? involvement with his former male high school The Skeleton Twins isn’t in the same league teacher, played perfectly by Ty Burrell, who as those, but writer-director Craig Johnson, almost single-handedly saves the film from with just his second feature, has managed to drifting toward amateurism in the second half. cobble together a surprisingly touching, if not “Maybe we were doomed from the particularly original, dramedy from pieces that are more accustomed to forming a purely comic beginning,” Maggie speculates. “I mean, it’s not like Dad was Mr. Sunshine. Sometimes I jigsaw. Spewing forth from the murky, mirthy think all our problems came soup of Saturday Night Live, directly from him, but a lot which belches up more crap of the good stuff did, too. … than cleverness, Bill Hader and THE SKELETON TWINS He told us to stick together Kristen Wiig work well with **G@ no matter what. God, what each other and with Johnson’s Rated R • Opening Sept. 26 the hell happened to us?” script, using their chemistry The Skeleton Twins works and charm to cover up the best when it tries to answer film’s failings.

Maggie’s question dramatically rather than The two SNL alumni play twins Maggie comically. It helps that Hader is — surprisingly and Milo, who were close when they were — up to the task, turning in what may be his growing up, thanks in part to their loving but best performance. He outshines Wiig, who, fatally flawed father. But when he died — and despite some honest moments and one scene with no real love coming from their mother of genuine, seemingly improvisational humor, (Joanna Gleason) — the siblings drifted as far relies too heavily on her usual deadpan, underapart as the places they chose to live: she in her-breath delivery. Despite that mediocrity, their hometown in upstate New York and he in Los Angeles, seeking actorly fame and an the film works because of its successful pacing, escape from his “tragic gay cliché” of a life. sense of purpose and strong forward motion After they endure 10 years without speaking, — in Johnson’s directing, if not the siblings’ it finally takes a shared moment of trauma to lives — which make Twins just interesting force a reunion. enough to keep us wondering what skeleton is The Skeleton Twins may have gotten its in the next closet. name from the characters’ preoccupation with Cameron Meier death and a recurring image of a childhood mail@folioweekly.com

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

A&E // MOVIES

LA SO-SO VITA

Director Michael Winterbottom’s comedic road trip across Italy runs a little off-course

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hotels, quotations from Shelley and Byron and, h, rich, white, middle-aged men and their yes, even “the man in the box” voice makes a problems. Is there less fertile ground for return visit (in one of the film’s more resonant empathy and entertainment? Yet comedic scenes). I can’t explain the extended discussion actors Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon, with of Alanis Morissette’s music, but it’s breezy director Michael Winterbottom, had surprising indie success when their 2011 British mini-series and funny, tinged with a bit of moody selfwas pruned to the 100-minute feature The Trip. reflection. And it’s just a tad too familiar.

Featuring upscale U.K. dining and its requisite The Trip to Italy’s one and only twist is that food porn, literate bickering and bantering, and where the first film featured Brydon as a happy a hilarious duel to see which could do a better family man and Coogan as a restless, womanizing impression of Michael Caine, the improvised egotist, the sequel gives us the near reverse. travelogue has just the right riffs and dramatic Here, Coogan is struggling to connect with his grace notes to impress. In particular, Coogan estranged son (who shows up near the film’s and Brydon’s semi-fictitious portrayals captured end), while Brydon uses marital dissatisfaction to the petty and insecure competitiveness that rationalize an affair. It’s a too-pat redirection that arises when friends are in the same profession. feels less earned than contrived.

Though unquestionably bonded to one another, Better, however, are the film’s unexpected anxiety, jealousy, sarcasm and self-doubt fueled instances of melancholy. Death becomes a both their emotional distance and their hilarious frequent point of discussion, humor and need to one-up the other. contemplation, as Coogan and Brydon’s jokes suddenly swivel into The trio is back again for somber philosophizing.

The Trip to Italy, and selfTHE TRIP TO ITALY These very funny men are aware enough to recognize haunted by their mortality that sequels are rarely as **@@ Not Rated ... and their inability to good as the original. In fact, experience history without Coogan says, “It feels odd to some reference to popular do something for the second entertainment. If there’s meat and meaning to time,” comparing a breakout band’s second be had amidst the witty and neurotic repartee, album as an inevitable “bit of a damp squib.” it’s that both are struggling with the ennui and The confession doesn’t make the movie any social disconnection that accompanies middlebetter; instead, it seems a bit too self-reflexive. aged celebrity and entitlement. While there’s But I guess it’s nice to get an apology up front. plenty there to comically skewer and savage, Brydon, of course, rebuts with Godfather they never really do more than scratch the II (the exception that proves the rule) and the surface. Coogan and Brydon are locked into a two are soon drinking, eating and insulting routine that reliably amuses but, perhaps, one their way from Piedmonte to the Amalfi coast they’ve mastered overly well. Much as most in a zippy Mini Cooper. The Michael Caine sequels lean too heavily on originals, these two impressions are back (and still good) along actors seem too comfortable with themselves with a brilliant takedown of The Dark Knight to fully and honestly explore the comedic Rises, and amusing imitations of Al Pacino, possibilities of their own privilege.

Robert De Niro, Hugh Grant and, oddly, Gore Vidal. There are gorgeous Mediterranean Jeff Meyers vistas, mouthwatering cuisine, luxurious mail@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

A&E // MOVIES

MAGIC LANTERNS

THE KING ONSCREEN

I’ve had Elvis on the brain lately. And no, it’s not because I’ve spotted him in disguise at the mall or the grocery store. He’s been absent even in the tabloids, currently rife with the antics of Kardashians, NFL players, Bieber and that ilk.

What brings Elvis in range on my sonar is The Identical, the new box-office dud whose story was “inspired” by Elvis Presley’s real life. Then lo and behold! Two movies, long out-of-print, have recently popped up on Blu-ray — one a 1981 semi-documentary called This Is Elvis and the other, perhaps Elvis’s oddest movie ever, Follow That Dream (1962), in which he plays a Gomer Pyle-type character. During filming for that flick on location near Gainesville, the rock-androller met a kid named Tom Petty, and the rest is musical genius history.

I got to thinking about Elvis and the movies.

Between 1956 and 1969, he appeared in 31 feature films, the leading man in all of them but the first, Love Me Tender. The documentaries and biopics started shortly after his August 1977 death, and have never let up. Nor have the films inspired by Elvis the Cultural Phenomenon — like 3000 Miles to Graceland (2001) with Kevin Costner and Kurt Russell as Elvis impersonators, Heartbreak Hotel (1988) about Elvis being kidnapped, Elvis Meets Nixon, a ’97 TV mockumentary, or Elvis and the Beauty Queen, an ’81 TV movie with Don Johnson as The King.

A 2011 article in The Hollywood Reporter listed four projects about Elvis in current development. Only one of them, alas, has made it to the big screen, and that, unfortunately, is The Identical. The others are still percolating; the article concluded that a rash of Elvis movies was/is on the horizon.

One of the best portrayals of Elvis was also one of the earliest, with Kurt Russell playing the singer/songwriter/megastar in a 1979 TV movie helmed by horror director John Carpenter between Halloween (’78) and The Fog (’80). Russell nails Elvis; he went on to star in four more Carpenter films, including his groundbreaking remake of The Thing and Escape from New York. Ironically, Russell’s very first film appearance (at the age of 10) was in the 1963 Elvis flick, It Happened at the World’s Fair.

My favorite Elvis impersonation is by horror icon Bruce Campbell in Don Coscarelli’s inspired 2002 gem, Bubba Ho-Tep. Based on Joe R. Lansdale’s short story, it’s the “true” story of what happened to Elvis when, depressed about his celebrity lifestyle, he traded places with an impersonator who is the one who really died at Graceland. Now confined to an East Texas home for the elderly, a grumpy, bed-ridden eccentric Elvis broods about the past and what might have been. He’s stirred out of his self-pity by a fellow inmate (Ossie Davis) who claims to be JFK, and the two old men join forces to battle an Egyptian mummy/death-spirit that’s claimed the nursing home as its feeding ground.

In his best role, Campbell (The Evil Dead) is great; funny and at the same time sympathetic, his speech patterns and gestures a perfect mimicry of Presley in his decline, which turns out also to be his moment of greatest triumph.

Bubba Ho-Tep closes with Campbell delivering Elvis’ signature sign-off. It’s a perfect ending to a terrific movie, befitting the King himself.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com 28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

Martin Csokas (left) and Denzel Washington star in the action thriller The Equalizer.

**** ***@ **@@ *@@@

FILM RATINGS

PINK MOON PINK CADILLAC PINK HAIR PINK SLIME

SCREENINGS AROUND TOWN

GONE WITH THE WIND In 1939, this epic Civil War drama won a Best Picture Oscar and Hattie McDaniel won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress – the first African-American to nab an Academy Award – and it’s been rereleased several times since then. To mark the iconic film’s 75th anniversary, Fathom Events is screening it in its original 1:37 aspect ratio for the first time since its initial re-release in 1947. Costarring Vivian Leigh, Clark Gable, Olivia De Havilland and Leslie Howard, it’s being shown at 2 and 7 p.m. on Sept. 28 and Oct. 1 at Cinemark Tinseltown USA, 4535 Southside Blvd., Jacksonville and at AMC Orange Park 24, 1910 Wells Rd., Orange Park. Call theaters for specifi c dates and times. fathomevents.com.

ENEMY OF THE REICH As part of Distinguished Voices Lecture Series, Better Together at UNF presents a screening and discussion of the film, Enemy of the Reich, at 2 p.m. on Sept. 28 in Robinson Theater, University of North Florida, Southside, 620-2117, unf.edu/lectures.

SUN-RAY CINEMA The Trip to Italy, Tusk, A Letter to Momo and The Zero Theorem are currently screening at Sun-Ray Cinema, 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com.

The Skeleton Twins starts Sept. 26. Nothing Lasts Forever, featuring an appearance by director Tom Schiller, is screened Sept. 27.

LATITUDE 360 MOVIES X-Men: Days of Future Past, Planes: Fire & Rescue and Transformers: Age of Extinction screen at Latitude 360’s CineGrille Theater, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555.

WGHF IMAX THEATER The Maze Runner, Island of Lemurs Madagascar 3D, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Hubble 3D, Under the Sea 3D, Journey to the South Pacific: An IMAX 3D Experience, and We The People are currently screening at World Golf Village Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

NOW SHOWING

AAGADU Not Rated IMDB.com describes this Bollywood production as action/ comedy/drama – really packing in the genres. Costars Mahesh Babu, Tamannaah Bhatia and Sonu Sood. In Telugu.

AS ABOVE, SO BELOW Rated R Proving that the phrase “M. Night Shyamalan protégé” can be more than an onscreen title in a Key & Peele sketch, director

John Erick Dowdle (2010’s Devil) trains his camera on the catacombs beneath Paris, where buried remains of millions of people give rise to unspeakable evil. Not to be confused with 2007’s Catacombs, which trained its camera on the catacombs beneath Paris to show that buried remains of millions of people had given rise to unspeakable evil. That one was made by some nobody, not the chosen inheritor to the mantle of Lady in the Water. Seriously, it’s like Hollywood had a Sorting Hat for hacks or something. — Steve Schneider ATLAS SHRUGGED PART III: WHO IS JOHN GALT? Rated PG-13 Director James Manera offers the third installment in his drama/mystery/sci-fi Atlas Shrugged series, which doesn’t seem to have much to do with ol’ hardass Ayn Rand’s writings. Except that part of the official site storyline summary, where it says “He swore by his life.” That’s part of the oath of pure selfi shness, which we committed to memory in 11th grade, when it was soooo cool. Anywho … this movie costars Kristoffer Polaha as John Galt, as well as Laura Regan, Rob Morrow and pop-ups from Ron Paul, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity. — Marlene Dryden THE BOXTROLLS Rated PG I wish this were a movie about Internet pests who post insults on the Facebook fan page of big-box stores, but I’m decades past having that kind of good luck. Instead, what we’re getting is an animated kidlit adaptation starring a bunch of cave-dwelling creatures that collect garbage. The 4chan story, maybe? Again, don’t I wish. At least there are voice roles for a whole passel of beloved English actors, including Ben Kingsley, Jared Harris, Nick Frost and …

Tracy Morgan? What, did he wake up thinking he was Ronald Colman or something? — S.S. DAAWAT-E-ISHQ Not Rated This Bollywood comedy-drama costars Aditya Roy Kapoor, Parineeti Chopra and Anupam Kher. In Hindi.

DOLPHIN TALE 2 Rated PG There’s a great scene in American Graffiti in which Charles Martin Smith’s Toad and Candy Clark’s Debbie think they’re going to witness a backwoods atrocity. Smith’s horrified reaction – “I don’t WANNA see it” – later became my personal mantra when confronted with the trailer to one sureto-be movie misfire after another. (“Blood Diamond? I don’t WANNA see it!”) Enough about me; what’s Charlie Martin Smith up to these days? Well, he’s now the sort of “working director” who not only has to make family pictures about kindly humans who help endangered sea creatures, he then has to shoot their cash-grab sequels as well. Guess which American Graffiti quotation best captures my feelings about the prospect of being exposed to Dolphin Tale 2. You got it – It’s “Look, creep, you want a knuckle sandwich?” — S.S. THE DROP Rated R Still trying to figure out if we’ve seen Philip Seymour Hoffman’s last movie, or if he’s going to keep appearing posthumously with a frequency my working-artist friends would envy. One thing’s

sure: We’ve seen the absolute last of James Gandolfini, whose The Drop – an adaptation of Dennis Lehane’s short story Animal Rescue – is his final acting role. Then again, there’s Criminal Justice, an upcoming HBO miniseries for which Gandolfini shot a pilot. If we ever want to see that buried document, we should probably make nice with the kind folks at 4chan – I hear they’re great at liberating that kind of stuff. — S.S. THE EQUALIZER Rated R Back in the late ’80s, I had a buddy who was heavily into the CBS grayhead-revenge series The Equalizer; when his metal band released its first single, he even cited the show as “inspiration” in the liner notes. Now it’s 2014, Edward Woodward has become Denzel Washington, and I don’t wanna THINK about what kind of indie music this pseudoremake might spark. A plot seemingly lifted wholesale from Washington’s Man on Fire (not to mention The Professional, last month’s The November Man, and probably the stock footage you get when you install iMovie) indicates that director Antoine Fuqua isn’t counting on diehards like my old pal for anything more than a few bucks’ worth of first-weekend insurance. I bet the Matlock movie is gonna suck, too. — S.S. FINDING FANNY Not Rated This Bollywood production is described as a Hindi/English satire. Five friends take a road trip to find some girl one of the guys is crushing on. Costars Naseeruddin Shah, Dimple Kapadia and Deepika Padukone.

FROM HERE TO ETERNITY THE MUSICAL Rated R Tim Rice adapted James Jones’ 1951 classic World War II novel set in the South Pacific into a musical. Don’t worry – it’s before Pearl Harbor, so it’s not really in bad taste.

It screens locally at 7:30 p.m. Oct. 2, 12:55 p.m. Oct. 5 and 7:30 p.m. Oct. 9 at Regency Square AMC, Tinseltown Cinemark, Avenues Regal and Orange Park AMC; call theaters for specifi c times and dates.

THE GIVER Rated PG-13 Here’s one to dither over on Throwback Thursday: Plans to turn the dystopian YA hit The Giver into a movie were first hatched way back in 1994. Not only did half the Expendables still have a sperm count back then, but Richard Linklater had just begun to grow Ellar Coltrane in a petri dish! Now the wait is over, and we can see what kind of work Walden Media has done in adapting Lois Lowry’s oh-so-subtle tale of a conformist society living under the edict of “The Sameness.” Personally, I thought the kids in The Wackness seemed to be having a better time, but I question how committed to “youth concerns” this movie is anyway, since lead character Jonas was 12 in the book but is played onscreen by 25-year-old Brenton Thwaites. Then again, everybody in the source novel of Logan’s Run died at 21 instead of 30, and Michael York gotta eat. — S.S. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Rated PG-13 As I write this, the San Diego Comic-Con is just getting under way, and I’m bracing myself for all sorts of P.R.

A&E // MOVIES fog about the future of comics on film, and how DC Entertainment is going to start giving Marvel Studios a run for its money any minute now. So as a reality check, let me just point this out: “Winning” is when you can wring the most anticipated movie of the summer out of a property so obscure even the editors of The Comic Book Price Guide have to look it up. By Christmas, Rocket Raccoon may be firmly entrenched as a star of the Disney-acquisition firmament, making “possible Star Wars crossover” the hot ridiculous rumor du jour. DC’s entire release slate for the next five years will have shifted three more times, just because Olaf the Snowman blew on it really hard. God, how I love a photo finish. — S.S. THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY Rated PG Boy, there’s nobody better equipped to capitalize on the foodie phenomenon than Lasse Hallstrom, who has for decades been championing the feasibility of solving all of life’s conflicts by shoving stuff in your mouth. (From Chocolat to What’s Eating Gilbert Grape to The Cider House Rules to Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, the guy can’t even make a picture without mentioning food in the title. Talk about obsessed!) In Hallstrom’s latest, restaurateur Helen Mirren’s hostility toward a new rival (the great actor Om Puri) is overcome by the power of his entrées, which are just too damn good for anybody to remember what they were supposed to be fighting about. Fun related fact: In real life, obesity causes 300,000 deaths per year. — S.S. THE IDENTICAL *G@@ Rated PG Imagine Elvis Presley has a twin brother who lived (Elvis’ actual twin, Jessie Garon Presley, died at birth). They look, talk, sing and dance the same, but the brother, dead ringer (no pun intended) as he is, isn’t told he’s Elvis’ twin. He goes through life being told he looks just like The King, yet never achieves the fame and fortune of his genetic other half. This work of fiction doesn’t use real names or real songs but does have an uncharismatic lead in the title role, which is one of the worst traits you can have when channeling Elvis. In 1935 Alabama, destitute William (Brian Geraghty) and Helen (Amanda Crew) can’t afford to take care of their newborn twin sons. Local preacher Reece (Ray Liotta) and his wife Louise (Ashley Judd) want to have a child but cannot, so William and Helen give one of the boys to the couple, who promptly move out of town, give the boy a new name and promise not to reveal the secret until the birth parents die. One boy grows up to be world-famous rock star Drexel “The Dream” Hemsley (Blake Rayne). The other, Ryan Wade (Rayne again), has a confined upbringing then gains fame as a spot-on Drexel impersonator. Joe Pantoliano and Seth Green costar. — Dan Hudak IF I STAY **@@ Rated PG-13 Oh, goodie; mortality porn. Chloe Grace Moretz is plunged into a coma and has one day’s worth of out-of-body flitting around family and friends to decide if she wants to rejoin the land of the living. (Hey, do you think she knows how Mad Men turns out?) The only reason I’d go near this apparent hunk of Kleenex bait is that it was directed by R.J. Cutler, who worked on the excellent reality series American High with the late Jonathan Mednick. Miss ya, Jonathan! Tell Chloe nobody down here blames her for Dark Shadows. — S.S.

THE MAZE RUNNER Rated PG-13 In this week’s bit of YA-derived dystopia, a bunch of teen himbos with no memory struggle to escape a mysterious prison. Spotting the symbolism yet? The arrival of an actual girl changes everything, while raising my hopes that the story can ultimately viewed as a commentary on the Duke lacrosse rape scandal. A sequel has already been ordered, because you and I don’t get to decide anything. — S.S. NO GOOD DEED Rated R On Aug. 7, Theodore P. Wafer was convicted of murdering Renisha McBride, a black teenager who had knocked on his doors and windows in the dead of night. At press time, police officer Randall Kerrick was under indictment for killing Jonathan Ferrell, a black 24-year-old who’d approached a woman’s house seeking help after a car accident. And how has Hollywood chosen to respond to this recent rash of bad Samaritanism? By rewarding and reassuring us with a thriller in which the black person is up to no good after all. In this movie, yet another person of color arrives on the doorstep of yet another unsuspecting homeowner, claiming car trouble. But this time, the stranger is actually an escaped convict looking to pull off a home invasion. Whew! The endangered property holder in this scenario is an African-American woman too, so nobody can accuse the filmmakers of stoking racist fears. — S.S. THE NOVEMBER MAN Rated R Still looking for a vehicle to top Mamma Mia!, Pierce Brosnan plays a retired CIA star who takes on one last mission: Protect a female witness (Olga Kurylenko) who’s in serious danger. Hmmm … reminds me of something.

Hold on, I’ll get it. On the tip of my tongue … oh, yeah: everything. This movie is a remake of everything. And if that’s the case, then the odds are pretty darn great that Pierce is gonna sing again, right? Sure hope so. He’s the only guy on Earth who sounds like an isolated vocal track even when he has accompaniment. — S.S. POWER Not Rated The new Indian thriller/mystery film, in Telugu, costars Ravi Teja and Sapthagiri.

THE REMAINING Rated PG-13 Forget religious rockabilly. Here’s a new whackjob genre to really savor: “faith-based horror.” That’s right – say it out loud.

Say it twice. Roll it around your tongue. “Faith-based horror.”

It’s gotta be the best contradiction in terms since “French resistance.” Or “folk rock.” Or “artists’ cooperative.” Sadly, in the case of The Remaining, “faith-based horror” seems to merely mean “Left Behind with poster art courtesy of Iced Earth.” In the story, the Rapture comes right in the middle of a young couple’s wedding, forcing their families and friends to make a serious decision: accept Jesus on the spot or finish off the chocolate fountain? This fundie Bridezilla parable comes to us from Affirm Films, the Sony imprint dedicated to making evangelical entertainment mainstream. — S.S.

THE SKELETON TWINS **G@ Rated R • Opening Sept. 26 Reviewed in this issue.

THE SONG Rated PG-13 It’s a marital drama that has “temptation” as a plot point. Redemptive message. Limited release with little mainstream publicity. Put ’em all together, and what do you get? JAY-SUS! Yep, it’s another faith-based picture out to show us what’s wrong with our puny secular relationships.

This one says it’s “Inspired by the Song of Solomon” – which, if I remember my Bible-camp scoldings correctly, is one of the filthiest bits of pornographic poetry in all of literature. Maybe an ad or two on NFL night might have been worth the dosh? — S.S. TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES Rated PG-13 OK, this is an honest-to-goodness reboot, with Michael Bay the man in charge of introducing the heroes in a half-shell to a new generation. Michael Bay for the Jim Henson Company? It isn’t my idea of a nifty trade, either. And Bay has brought in Megan Fox so she can play intrepid reporter April O’Neil – so much for our confi dence that the abundant bad blood between the two of them would relegate them to polluting the cinematic gene pool separately and individually. Honestly, watching this is like watching East and West Germany reunite. Or the Eagles. — S.S. THIS IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU Rated R Admit it: You’re a sucker for a story in which a wacky family has to pull together after the death of their beloved patriarch. Heck, the first episode of Six Feet Under is still your favorite hour of TV ever. Now imagine that story setup handled by the guy who made The Internship and the Night at the Museum movies. Now think of something pleasant, because you’ve earned it. — S.S. THE TRIP TO ITALY **@@ Not Rated Reviewed in this issue.

TUSK ***@ Rated R Los Angeles-based podcaster Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) travels to Winnipeg to interview a loser who cut off his own leg while pretending he’s in Kill Bill. When that doesn’t work out, Wallace sees an ad for a man wishing to tell of his great adventures. Needing a story, Wallace takes a two-hour drive into the country to meet a complete stranger, Howard Howe (Michael Parks). He gets there and is taken captive

by Howard, who has an unhealthy obsession with walruses.

Up to this point, you’re able to take the film seriously, but once Wallace and Howard sit at a dining room table and howl (not together, but at the same time), you know you’ve entered the theater of the absurd. Because I cannot render a qualitative good/bad analysis, protocol dictates (per Roger

Ebert) that I write about how the movie made me feel. One word keeps coming to mind: unnerved. — Dan Hudak A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES Rated R Someday, the “revenge” phase of Liam Neeson’s career will provide an amusing interlude on an episode of Inside the Actors Studio. James Lipton will ask what it was like for a pedigreed Irish actor to briefly morph into America’s favorite one-man death machine. Neeson will grin a rueful grin and explain that, when the suits decree that the bereaved dad from Love Actually would make a perfect latter-day Charles Bronson, you just nod and cash the check. And then they’ll both politely change the subject. — S.S. WHAT IF Rated PG-13 The presence of Ol’ Ruby Sparks herself, Zoe Kazan, as the female lead is the hipster talking point here, and having her play opposite Daniel Radcliffe (aka The Ever-Expanding Wand of Harry Potter) is good for some mainstream ink.

But the truly clued-in will be most enticed by the source material: Toothpaste and Cigars, a play co-written by mighty Fringe-circuit monologist TJ Dawe. The play has toured Canada, but it’s never been here, which means that Dawe’s Sunshine-State acolytes essentially have a whole new work to dig into during the theatrical off-season. Seriously, it’s like Christmas for kids who get beat up a lot. — S.S. WHEN THE GAME STANDS TALL Rated PG … he sure makes Weezy look like a bitch when it comes to throwing three-pointers, nyuk nyuk! Actually, this new sports drama is about high school football, not hoops, and it stars Jesus-turned-Person-of-Interest Jim Caviezel as a real-life coach who took a California team to a record-winning streak.

Son of a bitch, I think I nodded off just typing that. — S.S. THE ZERO THEOREM ***@ Rated R Director Terry Gilliam’s new effort unleashes his vision in a digital dystopia of a near-future London; so outlandish and over-stimulating we can call it satire – almost. But not quite, because he reminds us that we’re not that far off. That point is driven home by the hairless, joyless, self-disciplined man out of time, Qohen (pronounced Co-en), played by Christoph Waltz. Qohen’s barely holding it together, but he’s the best worker at ManCom at “crunching entities,” using a game controller, not a keyboard. The work eventually pushes him beyond a limit that gamers will understand. His focus is to telecommute, and given the media oversaturation when he leaves home, you can’t blame him. Outside the dim, fire-damaged monastery where he lives, Qohen faces the lights of ads reacting to his presence, an invitation to join the Church of Batman the Redeemer and signs that outlaw everything from cell phones to pets and from high heels to kids. Management (a character played by Matt Damon) allows Qohen to work from home on a special project, trying to tackle the titular theorem, and sends 15-year-old genius Bob to help. Costars David Thewlis, Tilda Swinton, Lucas Hedges and Mélanie Thierry. — David Johnson

LAND HO! **@@ Rated R Boisterous surgeon Mitch (Earl Lynn Nelson) strong-arms his ex-brother-in-law Colin (Paul Eenhoorn) into going with him on a trip to Iceland, claiming that it’ll boost Colin’s spirits in light of his recent split from his second wife. Colin and Mitch meet up with Mitch’s 20-something first-cousinonce-removed, Ellen (Karrie Crouse), and her friend Janet (Elizabeth McKee). Mitch insists on lending them his credit card to buy clothes after their bags get lost, then gets upset when the clothes the women buy aren’t sufficiently formfitting. Colin is at least a sympathetic character. — Anna Walsh LET’S BE COPS Rated R The action-comedy co-stars Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr., who inherited his dad’s good looks and, we hope, comedic talents. They’re pals Ryan and Justin, going to a costume party dressed up as cops, with all the shiny gear cops like to have hanging off their highly polished Sam Browne belts. The outfits must be authentic-looking, because the two slackers are taken for real flatfoots and the hilarity ensues. — M.D. MARY KOM Not Rated The Indian biopic about a woman boxer, Mary Kom, stars Prianka Chopra as Kom, a serious contender who overcame some tough trials, eventually triumphing. In Hindi.

The new family flick The Boxtrolls features the voices of Ben Kingsley and Jared Harris.

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and Thomas Pynchon. Shot in black-and-white, om Schiller is in frame for another closeup. the film’s use of newsreels and select passages The writer-director may be best known featuring color scenes add to the bizarre for being part of the original cast and action. “I see the world in black-and-white and countercultural think tank of Saturday Night sometimes color, and filtered through all of the Live during its ’70s heyday. Schiller spent 11 films I’ve seen,” says Schiller. “This movie is just years on the show and, during his time there, an amalgam of how I look at things.” made a series of short films that cast SNL stars Schiller threw everything he had into like Gilda Radner and John Belushi in unique his Hollywood debut, albeit with his own homages to art house cinema. Most famously, unorthodox sensibility. “I didn’t know what I the 1978 black-and-white vignette Don’t Look Back in Anger featured an elderly Belushi in was doing. I had never written a feature. There’s a graveyard, reflecting on the passing of his no story arc or resolution. I just made it up as I now-deceased fellow cast members, and then went along.” After one negative test screening in breaking into a playful dance. “I really knew Seattle, MGM Studios shelved the film — and it’s Belushi and Gilda well, so I made movies that never been commercially released. “The studio I thought could tap into their highest acting offered me two words: It’s bad,” Schiller laughs. and emotional thing,” says Schiller. “Those “It was a pretty strong blow to my ego. I thought actors only showed their comedy sides but they that I was going to be the next Fellini.” had these rich, emotional sadnesses and they Although the film was canned, it’s enjoyed welcomed the opportunity.” a tremendous cult following over the ensuing Film buffs are hip to Schiller’s 1984 fullyears. European television regularly airs it, and length flick Nothing Lasts Forever, a 75-minute it’s a longtime favorite of cinema heads, who piece of celluloid black humor that is truly in a have passed it around on bootleg VHS tapes, class by itself.

DVDs and .wav files. The Warner Archive “I would describe it currently owns the film and has as a suppressed-maybe“threatened” to release it, but NOTHING LASTS FOREVER 7 p.m. Sept. 27, classic or an accidental has yet to put it out before the Sun-Ray Cinema, home movie made with a viewing public. Periodically, 1028 Park St., Riverside, $16.50, large studio,” says Schiller film societies and indie theaters sunraycinema.com of this underground fave. will screen Schiller’s effort; it’s Sun-Ray Cinema is offering been featured at the Lincoln a screening the film Sept. 27, as well as an Center, the Brooklyn Academy of Music and the introduction by and Q&A with Schiller.

American Cinematheque in Hollywood.

The film takes place in a dystopian Decades after it was pulled from potential Manhattan; the Port Authority has placed the distribution, Schiller feels vindicated by the city under totalitarian control. Disenchanted film’s devout following and a success story that artist Adam (Zach Galligan) fails the PA’s bypassed Hollywood’s industry bean-counters.

“Once in a while,” he says, “I wake up in the standardized art test and is assigned to a grunt middle of the night screaming with my fists job on the midnight shift at the Holland Tunnel. clenched, but ultimately I’m rather happy that Adam’s “pure desire” in wanting to be an artist it ended up like this.” leads to an invitation to a clandestine realm that Early on in Nothing Lasts Forever, the film’s culminates in a proverbial trip out of this world. protagonist has a strange encounter while Over the course of the story, Adam traveling abroad. It’s a scene based on Schiller’s encounters a veritable flurry of characters real life and, like his beloved Ingmar Bergman offering either advice or annoyance. Dan did, he blends it into his cinematic work.

Aykroyd stars as a cranky supervisor and Bill “When I was 20,” he says, “I was on a train Murray plays smarmy flight attendant Ted and I was so miserable that you could tell Breughel. Costars include Imogene Coca, by looking at me, because I was the tortured Mort Sahl, Eddie Fisher, Sam Jaffe and even young artist. And this Swedish architect sitting soap guru Dr. Bronner. across from me finally said, ‘You’re having a Schiller’s razor-sharp wit cuts fast as he nightmare. Don’t worry. You will get everything takes stabs at everything from bureaucratic you want in your life, only you won’t get it in oppression and the arts scene to consumerism and conspiracy. The Golden Age of Hollywood, the way you expect.’ And that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard. Because it came true.” art house cinema, musicals and B-movies are blended into a cinematic mashup that splits the Daniel A. Brown difference between Federico Fellini, Mel Brooks dbrown@folioweekly.com

A&E // ARTS

PERFORMANCE

THE SECRET AFFAIRS OF MILDRED WILD Douglas Anderson School of the Arts presents this production that explores the exploits of a woman and her love of movies at 7 p.m. on Sept. 25-27 and Oct. 2-4 at the school’s Black Box Theatre, 2445 San Diego Road, San Marco, 346-5620, $12; $10 for students, da-arts.org.

TWO PRODUCTIONS AT FERNANDINA LITTLE THEATRE Theater for Kids, featuring plays performed by kids for kids, is staged at 7 p.m. on Sept. 25 and 10:30 a.m. and noon on Sept. 26. The Readers Troupe performs the comedy classic She Stoops to Conquer at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 30 and Oct. 2 at 1014 Beech St., Fernandina Beach, 206-2607. For ticket info, go to ameliaflt.org.

MAN OF LA MANCHA The story of eternal optimist Don Quixote and the faithful sidekick Sancho Panza is set to Tony Award-winning music and accompanied by a themed menu created by Executive Chef DeJuan Roy. Dinner at 6 p.m., curtain up at 8 p.m.

Sept. 24, 25, 28 and 30, $49.95 plus tax; Sept. 26 and 27 and Oct. 3, 4, 10, 11 and 12, $55 plus tax; brunch 11 a.m., show 1:15 p.m. Sept. 27 and Oct. 4 and 11; brunch noon, show 2 p.m. Sept. 28 and Oct. 5 and 12, $47 plus tax; at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

THE ADDAMS FAMILY: THE MUSICAL Spooky and creepy – and funny – this fresh-from-Broadway musical is staged at 7:30 p.m. Thur.-Sat. and 2 p.m. Sun., Sept. 25-Oct. 19 at Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, $25, 825-1164, limelight-theatre.org.

JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR Andrew Lloyd Webber’s music and Tim Rice’s words resonate again in this musical directed and choreographed

by Ron Shreve and Jocelyn Geronimo and starring Alejandro Rodriguez as Jesus Christ, staged at 8 p.m. Sept. 25, 26 and 27 and Oct. 2, 3, 4, 9, 10 and 11 and at 2 p.m. Sept. 28 and Oct. 5 at Players by the Sea, 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, $28, 249-0289, playersbythesea.org.

FIGARO Part of the Classic in San Marco series, this play, directed by Amy Canning, is staged at 8 p.m. Sept. 26 and 27 and Oct. 3 and 4, at 2 p.m. Sept. 28, and at 7:30 p.m. Sept. 25 and Oct. 2 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., San Marco, $20-$25, 396-4425, theatrejax.com.

BANNED BOOKS CELEBRATED This “Before Email” Readers Theater production features readings of excerpts from classic titles that have been challenged or banned, including works by Maya Angelou, Lewis Carroll, Anne Frank, George Orwell, J.K. Rowling and Alice Walker, at 2 p.m. Sept. 27 at Main Library, The Lounge at 303 North, 303 Laura St., Downtown, 630-4655, jpl.coj.net.

BITS AND PIECES The Vintage Players present light-hearted skits, scenes and monologues at 6:30 p.m. Oct. 1 at Clay County Headquarters Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island, 278-3722, ccpl.lib.fl.us.

COMEDY

PAULY SHORE The former MTV funnyman and star of Encino Man performs at 8 p.m. Sept. 25-27 and 10 p.m. Sept. 27 at the Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $18-$20, 292-4242, comedyzone.com.

MICHAEL MACK The musician, comedian and master of the song parody performs at 9:30 p.m. Sept. 26 and 27 at Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside, 365-5555, latitude360.com.

MIKE PALMA This comic-ventriloquist appears at 8:30 p.m. on Sept. 26 at Bonkerz Comedy Club, bestbet, 455 Park Ave., Orange Park, $10 and $35, 646-0001, bestbetjax.com.

D.C. BENNY Benny, who’s appeared on Last Comic Standing, appears at 8:04 p.m. Sept. 25-27, and at 10:10 p.m. Sept.

27 at the Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., $6-$15, 646-4277, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

NICK SWARDSON The Reno 911 star appears at 8 p.m. on Oct. 2 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $41, floridatheatre.com.

HOT POTATO COMEDY HOUR Local comics take the mic at 9 p.m. every Mon. at rain dogs., 1045 Park St., Riverside, free, 379-4969.

OPEN DOOR SUNDAYS This open mic night is held at 9 p.m. every Sun. at Tapa That, 820 Lomax St., 5 Points, free, 376-9911, tapathat.com.

CALLS, WORKSHOPS & EVENTS

LOST SKILLS WORKSHOPS The St. Augustine Amphitheatre hosts a Natural Dye class at 6 p.m. on Sept. 25 at 1340C A1A S., $25, 209-0367, staugamp.sjcvenues.com.

CALL FOR ARTISTS The Atlantic Beach Cultural Arts & Recreation Advisory Committee seeks visual artists for the

Douglas Anderson School of the Arts presents a stage production of The Secret Affairs of Mildred Wild on Sept. 25-27 and Oct. 2-4 at the school’s Black Box Theatre in San Marco.

12th annual Arts in the Park, to be held on April 25, 2015.

Applications can be downloaded starting Sept. 29 and are accepted beginning Oct. 1. For more information and to download an application, go to coab.us.

ABET AUDITIONS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds auditions for ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, a comical production based on the holiday classic, at 2 p.m. on Sept. 28.

Available roles are for three men and two women. The audition consists of cold script readings and a physical comedy movement section. For details, go to abettheatre.com.

AUDITIONS FOR HOLIDAY FAVORITE A Classic Theatre auditions for It’s a Wonderful Life, a live radio play by Joe Landry, directed by Jean Rahner, at 7 p.m. Oct. 2, 3 and 4 at St. Augustine Beach City Hall, 2200 A1A S., aclassictheatre. org. Performances are held Nov. 14-16. Auditions for a production of the comedy/drama Love, Loss and What I Wore

by Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron, based on the book by Ilene Beckerman, directed by Anne Kraft, are also held. Bring current photo/headshot. Be prepared to read from scripts.

For audition details, go to aclassictheatre.org.

ART ASSOCIATION SEEKS “TOUCHABLE” ART The St. Augustine Art Association invites artists to submit works to the 13th annual Tactile Art Show for the blind held Oct. 3-Nov. 2. Suitable works include sculptures, assemblages, pottery, fiber art, reliefs, wall hangings, wood and metal works, and mixed media art with interesting shapes, forms and textures; kinetic and interactive art. Artists may enter up to three pieces. Entry fee is $15 per piece for members; $35 for nonmembers. Artwork may be delivered to the Art Center, 22 Marine St. noon-6 p.m. on Sept. 30, and noon-4 p.m. Oct. 1, 824-2310, staaa.org.

NAO VICTORIA Tour a replica of the first Spanish tall ship to successfully circumnavigate the world, commanded by Ferdinand Magellan in the 16th century, 10 a.m.-6:30 p.m.

Mon.-Fri., to 7 p.m. Sat. and Sun. through December at St. Augustine Marina, 111 Avenida Menendez, 824-1606, elgaleon.org.

SUNDAY PAINT DAY Free art classes are offered to children at 5 p.m. every Sun. at LIYF Clothing & Accessories, 2870 University Blvd. W., Lakewood, vegan and vegetarian snacks, free, 865-630-0358.

VERBAL ESSENCE Open mic poetry and musical performances are featured at 7 p.m. every Mon. at the Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, free, 807-2010, ritzjacksonville.com.

FIGURE DRAWING Live model figure drawing is offered 7 p.m. every Tue. at The Art Center II, $5 for members, $10 for non-members, artists bring supplies.

ACTEEN STAGE LAB Children in grades 6-12 learn street style and ambush theater at 6:30 p.m. every Wed. at Limelight Theatre, $80 per session, 825-1164, limelight-theatre.org.

AMATEUR NIGHT Musicians, singers, comedians and poets participate in an audience-judged competition based on Amateur Night at the Apollo, held at 7:30 p.m. every first Fri. at the Ritz Theatre & Museum, $6.

FLAMENCO LESSONS The Spanish Cultural Society of Northeast Florida offers weekly flamenco dancing classes.

For more info, call 278-0173.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

JACKSONVILLE SINGS! This chorale ensemble presents its Invitational Showcase, featuring performances with the University of North Florida Chamber Sings, student musicians, and faculty at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 26; the Finale Concert, with the UNF Percussion Ensemble, Chorale and 2014 High School Invitational Honor Chorus, is presented at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 27 at Lazzara Performance Hall, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 620-2878, unf.edu.

JAX SYMPHONY SEASON PREMEIRE The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra kicks off its season with a concert featuring works by Buck, Rossini, Cloud and Berlioz at 8 p.m. on Sept. 26 and 27 at Jacoby Symphony Hall, T-U Center for the Performing Arts, 300 Water St., Downtown, $25-$72, 364-5547, jaxsymphony.org.

FRIDAY MUSICALE CONCERT Flautist Julietta Curenton and pianist Soyeon Kim perform works by Bach and Martinu at 7:30 p.m. on Sept. 26 at 645 Oak St., Riverside, 355-7584.

SWINGLE SINGERS The acclaimed a cappella ensemble performs at 7:30 p.m. Sept. 27 at Flagler College’s Lewis Auditorium, 14 Granada St., St. Augustine, $35, 797-2800, emmaconcerts.com.

MUSIC THROUGH THE AGES Pianist Blair McMillen performs works by Mussorgsky, Debussy, and Bartok at 6 p.m. on Sept. 28 at All Saints Episcopal Church, 4171 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 737-8488.

A NIGHT OF JAZZ GREATS Legendary jazz drummer John Betsch performs with trumpeter Longineu Parsons, pianist Lindsay Sarjeant and bassist Delorean Fullington, as part of Riverside Fine Arts Series’ Jax Jazz Greats, at 7:30 p.m.

Oct. 10 at Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Riverside, 389-6222, $30, riversidefinearts.org.

JAZZ IN PONTE VEDRA The Gary Starling Group (Carol Sheehan, Billy Thornton, Peter Miles) performs 7:30-10:30 p.m. every Thur. at Table 1, 330 A1A N., 280-5515.

JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Trumpeter Ray Callendar and guitarist Taylor Roberts are featured at 9:30 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., 388-9551.

JAZZ IN MANDARIN Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., 262-0006.

JAZZ IN NEPTUNE BEACH Live jazz is featured 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Sat. at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 First St., 249-2922.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE The House Cats, 9:30 p.m. every Sat., Stogies Club & Listening Room, 36 Charlotte St., 826-4008.

JAZZ IN ARLINGTON Jazzland Café features live music at 8 p.m. every Sat. and 6-9 p.m. every Tue. at 1324 University Blvd. N., 240-1009, jazzlandcafe.com.

JAZZ IN AVONDALE The Casbah Café features The Von Barlow Trio and Third Bass at 9 p.m. every Sun., 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966.

JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz is featured nightly at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., 825-0502.

ART WALKS, FESTIVALS & MARKETS

COMMUNITY FARMERS & ARTS MARKET Homemade baked goods, preserves, local honey, crafts, sauces, yard art, hand-crafted jewelry and more are featured 4-7 p.m. today and every Wed. at 4300 St. Johns Ave., Riverside/Avondale, 607-9935.

DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts and crafts and local fruits and vegetables are offered 10 a.m.-2 p.m. every Fri. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 353-1188.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET This week’s theme is Family Health & Fitness Day. Local and regional art, local music and entertainment – featuring the John Carver Band, Nikki Talley and The Scott Jones Dancers on Sept. 27 – food artists and a farmers market are featured 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. under the Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT The self-guided tour features galleries, antique stores and shops open from 5-9 p.m. Sept.

27 and every last Sat. in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152.

FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK The downtown art walk, held 5-9 p.m. Oct. 1 and every first Wed., features more than 13 live music venues, more than 13 hotspots open after 9 p.m. and 50 total participating venues, spanning 15 blocks in Downtown Jacksonville. downtownjacksonville.org.

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK The tour of Art Galleries of St. Augustine is held Oct. 10 and every first Fri., with more than 15 galleries participating, 829-0065.

JAX BEACH ART WALK More than 30 local artists display works, 5-9 p.m. Oct. 14 and every second Tue., along First Street between Beach Boulevard and Fifth Avenue North, Jax Beach, betterjaxbeach.com/jax-beach-art-walk.html.

MUSEUMS

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7371, arts.ju.edu. The permanent collection features carved ivory, Chinese porcelain, pre-Colombian artifacts and more.

AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378, ameliamuseum.org. The children’s exhibit Discovery Ship allows children a chance to pilot the ship, hoist flags and learn about the history of Fernandina’s harbor.

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. The exhibit Remembering Hurricane Dora: The 50th Anniversary is on display through Nov. 23. Admission is free for members, $5 for nonmembers.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummer.org. The Human Figure: Sculptures

by Enzo Torcoletti is on display through September. A Commemoration of the Civil Rights Movement: Photography from the High Museum of Art is on display through Nov. 2.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine,

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

A&E // ARTS

Express your inner

YOUR PIE Fleming Island 904.375.9771 CR 220 in Winn Dixie Ctr

pizza

YOUR PIE Southside 904.337.0155 Tapestry Park on Southside Blvd

Photographer Courtney Asztalos’ exhibit, Bourbon Street (shown here: “Going Out on Bourbon Street”), is displayed through Oct. 18 at Crisp-Ellert Art Museum at Flagler College in St. Augustine.

826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert. Hand, Voice and Vision: Artist’s Books from Women’s Studio Workshop is on display through Oct. 18. The Bourbon Street exhibition focuses on the culture of the famous New Orleans street through the photography of Courtney Asztalos and screen grabs of the street’s 24-hour Earth Cam. Her works are on display through Oct. 18.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org/~karpeles/jaxfrm.html. The permanent collection includes many rare manuscripts.

LIGHTNER MUSEUM 75 King St., St. Augustine, 824-2874.

Curator-led monthly tours are featured at 10 a.m. on Oct. 1 and every first Wed. MANDARIN MUSEUM & HISTORICAL SOCIETY 11964 Mandarin Rd., 268-0784, mandarinmuseum.net. The exhibit The Maple Leaf, which features artifacts and information from the Civil War era, runs through December.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, 366-6911, mocajacksonville.com.

Get Real: New American Painting and Jason John Studio Experience are on display through Jan. 4. The works of Caroline Lathan-Steifel are displayed in the exhibit Project Atrium on display through Oct. 26. Express Your #Selfie shows off the works of Wolfson’s Children’s Hospital patients, through Nov. 30. The Juxtaposition exhibit of works by husband-and-wife team Larry Wilson and Laurie Hitzig is on display through Nov. 2.

MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. MOSH After Dark presents The Science of Cooking with Head Chef Bennett Depew at 6:30 p.m. on Sept. 25, $20 (members get a 20 percent discount), register at themosh.org. First Friday Cosmic Concerts (moshplanetarium.org) feature Laser Magic 7 p.m., Laser Vinyl 8 p.m., Dark Side of the Moon (Pink Floyd) 9 p.m., Led Zeppelin 10 p.m. on Oct. 3; $5.

WORLD GOLF HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM 1 World Golf Place, St. Augustine, worldgolfhalloffame.org. Honoring the

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

Legacy: A Tribute to African-Americans in Golf – an exhibit featuring photographs, audio, video and memorabilia from the late 1800s to the present – is featured in the WGHOF permanent collection.

GALLERIES

THE ART CENTER PREMIER GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Downtown, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org. Print Matters: Making an Impression features works of various printmaking techniques. It’s on display through Nov. 5.

CoRK ARTS DISTRICT 2689 Rosselle St., Riverside, facebook.com/corkartsdistrict. Overstreet Ducasse, Susanne Schuenke, Rhonda Bristol and Stephanie Glen combine their talents to create a show about art with a mathematics twist Four Dimensions: The Mystic & Fun of Art & Mathematics.

The show is on display through Sept. 27 and can be seen by appointment only.

THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614, ccvb.org. The opening reception for the exhibit Fusion, featuring collaborative work by photographer Ann Kemp and glass artist Denise Murphy, is held from 6-8 p.m. on Sept. 27. The exhibit is on display through Nov. 7.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. New digital paintings

by Melinda Bradshaw are featured in the exhibit Beneath African Skies through Oct. 20.

J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery.com. Modulism, featuring works

by Dolf James and Andrew Zimmerman, runs through Nov. 7.

ROTUNDA GALLERY 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine, 829-9721, stjohnsculture.com. An exhibit of black-and-white photographs from about 30 nonprofit organizations in St. Johns County is on display through Oct. 23.

DINING DIRECTORY

To list your restaurant, contact your account manager or Sam Taylor at 904.260.9770 ext. 111 or staylor@folioweekly.com.

BURRITO GALLERY & BAR, 21 E. Adams St., 598-2922, burritogallery.com. BOJ. Southwestern burritos, ginger teriyaki tofu, beef barbacoa, wraps, tacos. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. CASA MARIA, 12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104, 757-6411. F

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

SEE BEACHES.

Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8- $14 $$$ = $15- $22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. Join: fwbiteclub.com.

BOJ = 2013 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

CHOMP CHOMP, 106 E. Adams St., 762-4667. F Eats at moderate prices – most less than $10. Chef-inspired street food: panko-crusted chicken, burgers, chinois tacos, bahn mi and barbecue. $ L Tue.-Sat.; D Thur.-Sat. FIONN MacCOOL’S Irish Pub & Restaurant, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, fionnmacs.com. BOJ. Casual dining with an uptown Irish atmosphere, serving fish and chips, Guinness lamb stew and black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

From-scratch soups, sandwiches. They cure their own bacon, pickle their pickles. Home to duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L Mon.-Fri.

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919, 29southrestaurant.com. F In historic downtown, Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional regional cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BARBERITOS, 1519 Sadler Rd., 277-2505. 463867 S.R. 200, Ste. 5, Yulee, 321-2240, barberitos.com.

Southwestern fare; made-to-order burritos, tacos, quesadillas, nachos, handcrafted salsa. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BRETT’S Waterway Café, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality in an upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F In a historic building, the family-owned spot offers worldly fare: veggie burgers, fresh seafood, made-from-scratch desserts. Dine in or out on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub offers beer brewed onsite. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO, 302 Centre St., 206-4311, ciaobistroluca.com. Owners Luka and Kim Misciasci offer fine dining: veal piccata, rigatoni Bolognese, antipasto. Specialties: chicken Ciao, homemade-style meat lasagna. $ L Fri. & Sat.; D Nightly DAVID’S Restaurant & Lounge, 802 Ash St., 310-6049, ameliaislanddavids.com. Fine dining in historic district. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb served in an elegant, chic spot. $$$$ FB D Wed.-Mon. DICK’S Wings, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ. SEE PONTE VEDRA. ELIZABETH POINTE LODGE, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. BOJ. Award-winning B&B offers elegant seaside dining, indoors or outside. Hot buffet breakfast daily. Homestyle soups, specialty sandwiches, salads, desserts. $$$ BW K B L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddianes cafe.com. F In renovated 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan/vegetarian items. Dine in or on porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S at Thompson House, 11 S. Seventh St., 432-8394, lulusamelia.com. F Creative lunch: po’boys, salads, little plates. Dinner: fresh local seafood, Fernandina shrimp.

Reservations. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MARCHÉ BURETTE, 6800 First Coast Hwy., 491-4834, omnihotels.com. Old-fashioned gourmet food market/deli, in Spa & Shops, Omni Amelia Island Plantation. Continental breakfast; lunch features flatbreads. $$$ BW K TO L D Daily MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriverpizza.net. F BOJ. Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Snail of Approval. Casual organic eatery and juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, coffee, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. PALATE Restaurant & Raw Bar, 614 Centre St., 432-7690, palateamelia.com. The new place features upscale Southerninfluenced cuisine and a raw bar. $$ FB K TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. The bakery near the historic district has sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads, all made from scratch. $ K TO B L Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132, plaefl.net. Bite Club. Omni Plantation Spa & Shops. Bistro-style venue serves whole fried fish and duck breast. Outdoor dining. $$$ FB L Tue.-Sat.; D Nightly THE SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F ICW sunset view; secondstory outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, original broiled cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F BOJ. Oceanfront place serves awardwinning handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles.

Outdoor dining, open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily TASTY’S FRESH BURGERS & FRIES, 710 Centre St., 321-0409, tastysamelia.com. BOJ. In historic district. Fresh fast-food alternative, combining the freshest meats, hand-cut fries, homemade sauces, hand-spun shakes. $ BW K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. 8th St., 261-6310. F This spot in an old gas station offers blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE VERANDAH, 6800 First Coast Hwy., 321-5050, omni hotels.com. Extensive menu of fresh local seafood and steaks; signature entrée is Fernandina shrimp. Many herbs and spices are from onsite garden. $$$ FB K D Nightly

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

DICK’S Wings, 9119 Merrill Rd., 745-9300. SEE PONTE VEDRA. LA NOPALERA, 8818 Atlantic Blvd., 720-0106. SEE MANDARIN. LARRY’S SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

THE SHEIK DELI, 9720 Atlantic Blvd., 721-2660. Familyowned-and-operated, Sheik delis have served our area for

FLEMING ISLAND

Sydney Daniels serves a few of Mossfire Grill’s signature dishes, along with a freshly made margarita, at the iconic Riverside restaurant. Photo: Dennis Ho 40+ years, with a full breakfast (pitas to country plates) and a lunch menu. $ TO B L D Mon.-Sat.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

BAGEL LOVE, 4114 Herschel St., Ste. 121, 634-7253, bagel lovejax.com. BOJ. Locally-owned-and-operated spot. Northern style bagels, cream cheeses, sandwiches, wraps, bakery items.

Fresh-squeezed OJ and lemonade, coffee, tea. $ K TO B L Daily THE CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966, the casbahcafe.com. F BOJ. Middle Eastern/Mediterranean fare.

Patio, hookah lounge, bellydancers. $$ BW L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATE, 3543 St. Johns Ave., 829-5790. F In Green Man Gourmet. Wines, spices, fresh fruit ice pops and Belgian chocolates. SEE PONTE VEDRA. $$ TO THE FOX Restaurant, 3580 St. Johns Ave., 387-2669. F Owners Ian & Mary Chase offer fresh diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, fried green tomatoes, desserts. Breakfast all day.

Local landmark for 50+ years. $$ BW K L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned and operated for 20+ years, the American pub serves 1/2-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 4530 St. Johns, 388-8828. F See Mandarin.

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. BOJ. SEE BEACHES. MOJO NO. 4 Urban BBQ & Whiskey Bar, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 Pine Grove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F BOJ. 40+ years. Burgers, Cuban sandwiches, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. PULP, 3645 St. Johns Ave., pulpaddiction.com. SEE SAN MARCO. RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurant orsay.com. BOJ. French/Southern bistro serves steak frites, mussels and Alsatian pork chops, with an emphasis on locally grown organic ingredients. Snail of Approval. Craft cocktails. $$$ FB K R, Sun.; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare, from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 7825 Baymeadows Way, 733-4040.

F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES.

BROADWAY Ristorante & Pizzeria, Ste. 3, 10920 Baymeadows Rd. E., 519-8000, broadwayfl.com. F Family-owned-andoperated Italian pizzeria serves calzones, wings, brick-oven-baked pizza, subs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows, Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F Authentic Indian cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LA NOPALERA, 8206 Philips Hwy., 732-9433. F SEE MANDARIN. LARRY’S SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows, 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PIZZA PALACE Restaurant & Pizzeria, 3928 Baymeadows, 527-8649, pizzapalacejax.com. F Relaxed, family-owned place serves homestyle cuisine. Local faves: spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna, parmigiana. Outside dining; HD TVs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty india.com. Asian methods meld with European template to create tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka. Vegetarian items cooked separately in vegetable oil. $ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.

BEACHES

(Locations are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F BOJ. For 20+ years, Al’s is a repeat winner in FW readers’ poll. New York-style, gourmet pizzas, baked dishes. All-day HH Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily

BOLD BEAN Coffee Roasters, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201.

BOJ. SEE RIVERSIDE. BUDDHA THAI BISTRO, 301 10th Ave. N., 712-4444, buddhathaibistro.com. The proprietors are from Thailand; every dish is made with fresh ingredients. $$ FB TO L D Daily BURRITO GALLERY Express, 1333 Third St. N., 242-8226.

BOJ. SEE DOWNTOWN. CANTINA MAYA SPORTS BAR & Grille, 1021 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 247-3227. Popular spot serves great margaritas, great Latin food, burgers. Sports on TVs. $$ FB K L D Tue.-Sun. CASA MARIA, 2429 S. Third St., 372-9000, casamariajax. com. F Family-owned-and-operated place offers authentic Mexican fare: fajitas and seafood dishes, hot sauces made inhouse. The specialty is tacos de asada. $ FB K L D Daily CULHANE’S Irish Public House, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595, culhanesirishpub.com. Bite Club. Upscale pub and restaurant owned and managed by sisters from County Limerick, Ireland. Shepherd’s pie, corned beef; gastropub menu. $$ FB K R Sat. & Sun.; L Fri.-Sun.; D Tue.-Sun. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001. SEE RIVERSIDE.

FLYING IGUANA Taqueria & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680, flyingiguana.com. F Latin American fusion, Southwestern-influenced: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 1222 Third St. S., 372-4495. F SEE MANDARIN. LARRY’S Subs, 657 N. Third St., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK. LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., NB, 249-2922, lilliescoffeebar.com. F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, flatbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine indoors or out, patio and courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club. BOJ. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop HH. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO Diner, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. BOJ. SEE SAN MARCO. MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean eatery, 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside or on the patio.

Valet parking. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ Pit & Blues Bar, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F BOJ. Pulled pork, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, all the sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., AB, 241-2599. F BOJ. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, familiar fare, moderate prices. Dine inside or outside. $$ BW L D Daily NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, AB, 372-4105, nbbistro.com. Bite Club. Neighborhood gem with a chef-driven kitchen serves hand-cut steaks, fresh local seafood, tapas menu. HH. $$$ FB K R Sun.; L D Daily OCEAN 60 Restaurant, Wine Bar & Martini Room, 60 Ocean Blvd., AB, 247-0060, ocean60.com. BOJ. Continental cuisine, fresh seafood, nightly dinner specials and a seasonal menu in a formal dining room or casual Martini Room. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. RAGTIME TAVERN & Seafood Grill, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F For 30+ years, the seafood place has scored many awards in our BOJ readers poll. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, saltlifefoodshack.com. BOJ. Specialty items: signature tuna poke bowl, fresh rolled sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp, in a modern open-air space. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SLIDERS Seafood Grille & Oyster Bar, 218 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille. com. Beach-casual. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. F New York-style deli offers freshly made fare: subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri.

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F BOJ. SEE RIVERSIDE. LA NOPALERA, 1571 C.R. 220, 215-2223. F SEE MANDARIN. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999.

F Bite Club. BOJ. SEE BEACHES. MOJO Smokehouse, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp serves gator tail, freshwater river catfish, daily specials, traditional fare, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, motorcycle or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly YOUR PIE, 1545 C.R. 220, Ste. 125, 379-9771, yourpie.com.

Owner Mike Sims has a fast, casual pizza concept: Choose from 3 doughs, 9 sauces, 7 cheeses and 40+ toppings; create a pizza pie. In a brick oven for 5 minutes and ta-da: It’s your pie. Subs, sandwiches, gelato. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES.

DICK’S Wings, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ. SEE PONTE VEDRA.

LA NOPALERA Mexican Restaurant, 14333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 39, 992-1666. F Tamales, fajitas, pork tacos. Some La Nops have a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

TIME OUT Sports Grill, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999, timeoutsportsgrill.com. F Locally-owned-and-operated.

Hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps. Daily drink specials, HDTVs, pool tables. Late-night menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

JULINGTON CREEK

DICK’S Wings, 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 101, 825-4540. BOJ. SEE P.V. METRO Diner, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ. SEE SAN MARCO.

PIZZA PALACE, 116 Bartram Oaks Walk, 230-2171. F SEE BAYMEADOWS.

MANDARIN

AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 12926 Gran Bay Pkwy. W., 880-2008.

F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F SEE BEACHES. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199, athenscafe.com. F All the favorites, from dolmades (stuffed grape leaves) to baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. BROOKLYN PIZZA, 11406 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 288-9211.

13820 St. Augustine Rd., 880-0020. Brooklyn Special.

Calzones, white pizza, homestyle lasagna. $$ BW TO L D Daily THE COFFEE BARD, 9735 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 13, 260-0810, thecoffeebard.com. New world coffeehouse has coffees, breakfast, drinks. $$ TO B L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S Wings, 10391 Old St. Augustine, 880-7087. F BOJ. SEE PONTE VEDRA.

GIGI’S RESTAURANT, 3130 Hartley Rd., 694-4300, jaxramada .com. BOJ. In Ramada. Prime rib and crab leg buffet Fri. & Sat., blue-jean brunch Sun., daily breakfast, lunch and dinner buffets. $$$ FB B R L D Daily GILMON’S BAKERY, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 13, 288-8128, gilmonsbakery.com. Custom cakes, cupcakes, gingerbread men, pies, cookies, coffee, tea. $$ B L Tue.-Sat. HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040, harmoniousmonks.net. F American-style steakhouse: Angus steaks, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps. $$ FB K L D Mon.-Sat. KAZU Japanese Restaurant, 9965 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 35, 683-9903, kazujapaneserestaurant.com. Wide variety of soups, dumplings, appetizers, salads, bento boxes, sushi, entrées, maki handrolls, sashimi. $$ BW TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 11700 San Jose Blvd., 288-0175. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some locations offer a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. Natural, organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods, juices and smoothies. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT Pizza & Grill, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773, redelephantpizza.com. F Casual, familyfriendly eatery serves steaks, seafood, chicken grill specials.

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

BITE-SIZED

COMFORT FOOD DONE RIGHT

Best BBQ

IN JACKSONVILLE

Winner Best BBQ Jax Truckies 2014

2 Locations Serving You 4838 Highway Ave. (904) 389-5551

34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

10771 Beach Blvd.

(904) 996-7900

Soul Food Bistro offers a sophisticated taste of the South, for the Lord Photo by Caron Streibich

L

Weekdays, you’ll find daily specials at ooking for standout soul food? Soul Food both locations, including baked spaghetti Bistro — owned and operated by Potter’s on Wednesdays and meatloaf with mashed House International Ministries (the potatoes on Thursdays. bistro’s original location is based out of Pastry Chef Valerie Harris whips up old the sprawling 48-acre property that was favorites — classics like red velvet cake, sweet Normandy Mall, which the church has since potato pie and peach taken over) — is doing it cobbler, along with new right, and Chef Celestia POTTER’S HOUSE hits like a dreamy coconut Mobley personally sees SOUL FOOD BISTRO cheesecake — that will to it. A 2002 graduate of 5310 Lenox Ave., Ste. 1, Northside make you swoon.

Florida State College at 11876 Atlantic Blvd., Arlington Both locations are Jacksonville’s culinary thesoulfoodbistro.com comfortable and feature program, her buffet-style modern décor. And, on restaurants on the Westside Thursday nights at the Arlington location, and now on Atlantic Boulevard in Arlington there’s live jazz. offer a seemingly endless sea of home-cooked favorites like slow-braised oxtail, candied Caron Streibich yams, fried chicken gizzards and more. biteclub@folioweekly.com The mac-and-cheese is some of the best facebook.com/folioweeklybitesized I’ve ever eaten — and that’s saying something.

Mobley uses a secret blend of four cheeses that contribute to its gooey goodness. It’s a must.

NIBBLES And while the green beans may not look like much, they’re seasoned with a proprietary • SIMPLY SOUTHERN EATERY opened blend of spices and are addictive. Even kids at 11230 New Berlin Road on will wolf down these veggies. The simmered the Northside. collard greens and black-eyed peas are legit, too. A couple shakes of hot sauce and you’ll be • TAVERNA SAN MARCO now offers wishing for more. an appointment-only, off-menu The cornbread — magically moist and three-course prix fixe dinner on the crumbly — is so very good, the folks at first Tuesday of each month.

Soul Food Bistro call it “Slap Yo Mamma” cornbread. It pairs perfectly with the golden• VISCONDE’S ARGENTINIAN GRILL has brown fried chicken with hints of spiciness, opened at 11925 Beach Blvd., the country-fried chicken, or the smothered Ste. 201, Southside. pork chop and yellow rice.

DINING DIRECTORY GRILL ME!

ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly MSHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F BOJ. SEE

A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE FOOD BIZ

BEACHES.

NAME: Wesley Cox, Executive Chef

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

RESTAURANT: David’s Restaurant & Lounge, 802 Ash St., Fernandina Beach

BASIL THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic dishes include Pad Thai, curries, sashimi, fresh sushi, daily specials. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S Wings, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. SEE P.V. EUROPEAN STREET, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. BOJ.

BIRTHPLACE: Charleston, South Carolina YEARS IN THE BIZ: 26 FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Bones, Atlanta

SEE RIVERSIDE.

BEST CUISINE STYLE: French GO-TO INGREDIENT: Butter, of course IDEAL MEAL: My mom’s cooking … Southern and soulful.

WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Prepackaged or pre-made INSIDER’S SECRET: Surround myself with great people.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: We don’t reveal that information.

CULINARY TREAT: Foie gras Five topping selections. Salads, sandwiches, pizza. Gluten-free friendly. $ FB K L D Daily STEAMIN, 9703 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, 493-2020, eatsteamin.com. Classic diner serves steam burgers, fat dogs and chili, 50+ craft beers. $ FB TO B Sat.-Sun.; L D Daily

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

ARON’S PIZZA, 650 Park Ave., 269-1007, aronspizza.com.

F Family-owned restaurant has eggplant dishes, manicotti, New York-style pizzas. $$ BW K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS, 1540 Wells Rd., 269-2122. SEE PONTE VEDRA. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Road, 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. Specialties: New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. LA NOPALERA, 9734 Crosshill Blvd., 908-4250. 2024 Kingsley Ave., 276-2776. F SEE MANDARIN. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding, Ste. 15, 272-3553. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove Springs, 284-7789, larryssubs. com. F For 30+ years, all over town, they pile ’em high and serve ’em fast. Hot/cold subs, soups, salads. $ K TO B L D Daily POMPEII COAL-FIRED PIZZA, 2134 Park Ave., 264-6116.

Family-owned-and-operated, offering pizzas and wings made in coal-fired ovens. Espresso, cappuccino. $ BW TO L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611, roadhouse online.net. F Wings, sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas; 35+ years. 75+ imported beers. $ FB L D Daily THE SHEIK, 1994 Kingsley Ave., 276-2677. SEE ARLINGTON.

PONTE VEDRA, NW ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES. CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATE, 145 Hilden Rd., Ste. 122, 829-5790, claudeschocolate.com. Hand-crafted premium Belgian chocolate, fruits, nuts, spices. Cookies, popsicles. $$ TO DICK’S Wings & Grill, 100 Marketside Ave., 829-8134, dickswingsandgrill.com. F BOJ. NASCAR-themed; 365 kinds of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK. RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797, restaurant medure.us. Chef David Medure offers global flavors. Small plates, creative drinks, HH twice daily. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat.

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AKEL’S DELI, 245 Riverside Ave., 791-3336. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES.

BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, black sheep5points.com. BOJ. New American fare with Southern twist, made with locally sourced ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN Coffee Roasters, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1-2, 855-1181. F BOJ. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting.

Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412. Made-from-scratch “semi-swanky street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free and vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S Wings, 5972 San Juan, 693-9258. SEE PONTE VEDRA. EDGEWOOD BAKERY, 1012 S. Edgewood Ave., 389-8054, edgewoodbakery.com. 66+ years, full-service bakery. Fresh breakfast, from-scratch pastries, petit fours, pies, cakes.

Espresso, sandwiches, smoothies, soups. $$ K TO B L Tue.-Sat. EUROPEAN STREET CAFE, 2753 Park St., 384-9999, europeanstreet.com. BOJ. 130+ imported beers, 20 on tap.

NYC-style classic Reuben, overstuffed sandwiches; salads, soups. Outside seating at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F BOJ. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits and vegetables. 500+ craft/import beers, 250 wines, organic produce, humanely raised meats, deli, raw, vegan, vitamins, herbs. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. Based on fare of Asian street vendors, peddling authentic dishes from mobile stalls. Chefs here serve the best hawker recipes under one roof. $ BW TO L D Daily KNEAD BAKESHOP, 1173 Edgewood Ave. S. New from Bold Bean Coffee Roasters’ owners. Locally-owned, family-run bake shop specializes in made-from-scratch pastries, artisan

breads, savory pies, specialty sandwiches, seasonal soups. $ TO B L Tue.-Sun. LARRY’S SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy, 781-7600. 5733 Roosevelt, 446-9500. 8102 Blanding, 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO Diner, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, 999-4600. F BOJ. SEE SAN MARCO. MONROE’S Smokehouse BAR-B-Q, 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551, monroessmokehousebbq.com. Monroe’s smoked meats include wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey and ribs.

Homestyle sides include green beans, baked beans, mac-ncheese, collards. $$ K TO L Mon.-Sat.; D Fri. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. THE MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, moss fire.com. F Southwestern fish tacos, chicken enchiladas.

HH Mon.-Sat. upstairs lounge, all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS Irish Pub, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300, obrothersirishpub.com. F Traditional shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese, fish-n-chips. Patio dining. $$ FB K TO L D Daily THE SHEIK, 7361 103rd St., 778-4805. 5172 Normandy Blvd., 786-7641. SEE ARLINGTON. SUN-RAY Cinema, 1028 Park St., 359-0049, sunraycinema. com. F Beer (Bold City, Intuition), wine, pizza, hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside Ave., Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafejacksonville.com. Sushi variety: Monster Roll, Jimmy Smith Roll; faves like Rock-n-Rol, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Indoor or patio. $$ BW L D Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES. AVILES Restaurant & Lounge, 32 Avenida Menendez, 829-2277, hiltonhistoricstaugustine.net. F Hilton Bayfront.

Progressive European-flavored menu; made-to-order pasta night, wine dinners, chophouse nights, breakfast buffet. Sun. champagne brunch bottomless mimosas. $$$ FB K B L D Daily CARMELO’S Marketplace & Pizzeria, 146 King St., 494-6658, carmelosmarketplace.com. F NY-style gourmet brick-ovenbaked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats and cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATE, 6 Granada St., 829-5790. In The Market. Wine and chocolate pairings, soft-serve ice cream, a coffee bar, fresh fruit ice pops, cookies. $$ TO THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655, thefloridianst aug.com. Updated Southern fare: fresh ingredients from area farms. Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F A mainstay for 25+ years, Gypsy’s menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. Sun. brunch. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily THE ICE PLANT BAR, 110 Riberia St., 829-6553, iceplantbar. com. Vintage-inspired (an old ice plant) in historic area. Farmto-table menu uses locally sourced ingredients; drinks are handcrafted with house-made bitters, syrups. $$$ FB TO D Nightly MELLOW MUSHROOM, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. BOJ. SEE BEACHES. MOJO Old City BBQ, 5 Cordova, 342-5264. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES.

PACIFIC ASIAN BISTRO, 159 Palencia Village Dr., Ste. 111, 808-1818, pacificasianbistro.com. F BOJ. Chef Mas Lui creates 30+ sushi rolls; fresh sea scallops, Hawaiian-style poke tuna salad. Sake. $$-$$$ BW L D Daily SALT LIFE Food Shack, 321 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 217-3256, saltlifefoodshack.com. BOJ. SEE BEACHES. TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 547-0240. Latin American fusion wine bar and restaurant offers traditional American fare with a Latin flair; sandwiches, too. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sun.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

BENTO CAFE Asian Kitchen & Sushi, 4860 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1, 564-9494, bentocafesushi.com. Pan-Asian fare; Asian-inspired dishes: wok stir-fry to fire-grilled, with authentic spices, fresh ingredients. Full sushi bar. $$ K FB TO L D Daily MOXIE Kitchen + Cocktails, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744, moxiefl.com. Chef Tom Gray’s place features innovative contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, salads, sides and desserts – using locally sourced

FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusion sushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves a variety of fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily THE GROTTO Wine & Tapas Bar, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726, grottowine.com. F Varied tapas menu: artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschettas, cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. LA NOPALERA, 1631 Hendricks, 399-1768. F SEE MANDARIN. MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922, matthews restaurant.com. Chef Matthew Medure’s flagship. Fine dining, artfully presented cuisine, small plates, martini/wine lists. HH Mon.-Fri. Reservations. $$$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metrodiner. com. F BOJ. Original upscale diner in ’30s-era building.

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, homemade soups. $$ B R L Daily MOJO Bar-B-Que, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ. SEE BEACHES. PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815. F SEE BAYMEADOWS.

PULP, 1962 San Marco Blvd., 396-9222, pulpaddiction.com.

Juice bar offers fresh juices, frozen yogurt, teas, coffees, 30 kinds of smoothies. $ TO B L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Modern take on classic recipes with authentic Italian ingredients, seasonal produce and meats from local purveyors coexist on Chef Sam Efron’s menus. Regional craft beers, handcrafted cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE

360° GRILLE, Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555, latitude360.com. F Seafood, steaks, burgers, chicken, sandwiches, pizza. Patio, movie theater. $$ FB TO L D Daily AKEL’S, 7077 Bonneval Rd., 332-8700. F SEE DOWNTOWN. ALHAMBRA Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. Longest-running dinner theater.

Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. BARBERITOS, 4320 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., Ste. 106, 807-9060. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. BENTO CAFE Asian Kitchen & Sushi, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 11, 503-3238. SEE ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER. CASA MARIA, 14965 Old St. Augustine, 619-8186. SEE BEACHES. DICK’S Wings, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. SEE P.V. THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888, thedimsumroom.com. Shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball. Traditional Hong Kong noodles, barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily European Street, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. SEE RIVERSIDE. HZ CAFE, 6426 Bowden Rd., Ste. 206, 527-1078. Healthy concept cafe serves juices, smoothies, traditional vegan and vegetarian meals and vegan and gluten-free meals and desserts. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. LARRY’S SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955. F Bite Club. BOJ. SEE BEACHES. MONROE’s BarBQ, 10771 Beach Blvd., 996-7900. SEE RIVERSIDE.

SEVEN BRIDGES Grille & Brewery, 9735 Gate Pkwy., 997-1999, 7bridgesgrille.com. F Local seafood, steaks, pizzas. Brewer Aaron Nesbit handcrafts ales, lagers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Court, 854-0426, tavernayamas.com. F Bite Club. BOJ. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily TOMMY’S Brick Oven Pizza, 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2, 565-1999, tbopizza.com. NY-style thin crust, brick-ovenbaked pizzas (gluten-free), calzones, sandwiches fresh to order.

Boylan’s soda. Curbside pick-up. $$ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. WATAMI ASIAN FUSION, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. AYCE sushi, plus two teppanyaki grill items.

Faves: Jaguar, dynamite, lobster, soft-shell crab rolls. $ FB K L D Daily WORLD of BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 551-5929, worldofbeer.com. F Burgers, tavern fare, sliders,flatbreads, German pretzels, hummus, pickle chips. Craft German, Cali, Florida, Irish drafts. Wines. $$ BW L D Daily

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HOLA, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant. com. F Fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. HH daily; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S, 12001 Lem Turner, 764-9999. SEE ORANGE PARK. SAVANNAH BISTRO, 14670 Duval Rd., 741-4404, cpjack sonvilleairport.com. F Low Country Southern fare, taste of Mediterranean and French. Crowne Plaza Airport. Crab cakes, NY strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. $$$ FB K B L D Daily THE SHEIK, 2708 N. Main St., 353-8181. SEE ARLINGTON. UPTOWN MARKET, 1303 Main St. N., 355-0734, uptown marketjax.com. Bite Club. In 1300 Building. Fresh quality fare, innovative breakfast, lunch and dinner; farm-to-table selections, daily specials. $$ BW TO B L Daily

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

overset for web ASTROLOGY

TOLSTOY, FACEBOOK, LAZY BUMS & CARL JUNG ALL THAT AND CASH, TOO

According to legal scholars consulted by the Associated Press, it’s conceivable that Nicole Diggs, of Yonkers, N.Y., even if convicted of negligent homicide in the upcoming trial in the death of her severely disabled 8-year-old daughter, could nevertheless inherit the remains of the child’s $2 million trust fund originally established for her care.

Evidence is strong that Diggs neglected the child’s hygiene and diet for stretches a time21-April and overtrusted less-caring new husband ARIESat(March 19): It’s noher secret. teeming with buoyant energy that throbs when a seed’s with theThe girl’s well-being, but New Yorkhas law uniquelyready stilltoallows, population’s wealthy 1 percent sprout.in You’ve been biding your time, gathering principle, a convicted mother towealthier inherit as from as long aswaiting she for the right circumstances to been getting progressively the the child nourishment, did not “intentionally” harm her. there’s a poor become steadily poorer.

I’m worried burst open with your new flavor. That nervous, hopeful,

metaphorically similar trend in your life. Do all you can ecstatic moment is about to arrive. Be brave! to reverse it. Borrow energy from the rich, abundant Clearwater police over a underendowed “suspicious” car on July 24 and parts of your life to liftpulled up neglected, SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The English ultimately driver andconcerned his passenger. parts.

Here’s arrested how: For athe while, be less with The back seat verbwas “cicurate” is defined as “to tame or loaded — in fact, potted pottoplants, so crowded that or “to make mild or innocuous.” those whowith thinkpotted you’re plants a star, and give more attention domesticate” the leaves and branches of some plants theancar’s those who accept and love your shadow side. were stickingIt out onceofhad additional sense: “to reclaim from windows. wildness.” It was derived from the Latin word cicurare, TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I choose a lazy which meant “to bring back from madness, to draw person to do a hard job,” says Bill Gates, out of the wilderness.” Make cicurate your theme Daniel Warn, 28, second-richest was arrested in July in Costa Mesa,now, California, and on these definitions: “to reclaim the world’s man, “because concentrating with of an Loco restaurant — a caper acharged lazy person willthe findburglary an easy way to El do Pollo it.” That’s from wildness, to bring back from madness, to draw captured onfor surveillance Police wereinner notified out later day when In the weeks ahead, you can good counsel you now. Getvideo. in touch with your of that the wilderness.”

Warn —Let wearing the same greenrough shirt areas wornof unknown territory, wrangling lazy bum. the slacker within distinctive you uncover hat the and least brightexplore by the burglar — came to thecult restaurant to order stressful way to accomplish a diffi task. According to a meal. with primitive, sometimes turbulent energy. Extract raw my analysis of the astrological omens, there’s no need vitality you find, and harness it for your daily rhythm and to suffer and strain. long-term goals.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

SECONDS!

OF COURSE!

Jonathan Thomas, 50, was charged with DUI and disorderly conduct in Washington Township, indon’t August after driving through GEMINI (May 21-JuneIndiana, 20): If you SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “You can two backyards oneexpress Fridayyour evening anddesires, getting his vehicle stuck identify and conscious exertinnothe influence if you are not susceptible second.your Police reporteddesires that Th omas “show[ed] cers” unconscious will dominate your his teeth to offi to infl uence,” said psychologist Carl Jung. andBelater hospital security day job is from director life. very“growled” clear aboutat what you really want, staff and . Thomas’ Extrapolating that, we can hypothesize the more of thea Porter install shining County vision of Animal what you Shelter. really want at the willing and able you are to be influenced, the greater core of your everyday life. If you don’t do that, you’ll end your influence might be. Make this your key theme in up being controlled by habits and old programming. Be the weeks ahead. It’s a great time to increase clout, In August, a ne Bradenton, Florida, deputy sheriff to duplicate imperious.

Defi your dearest, strongest longing, and was forced wield more authority and claim more of a say in the a classic scene fromto Raiders of the Lost Ark when hecreation was advanced be ruthlessly devoted it. of shared environments. Open your mind, be upon by a menacing-looking, samurai-sword-swinging, 31-year-old very receptive and listen. man. ThCANCER e deputy, perhaps as 22): nonplussed as Indiana Jones was, shot him (June 21-July Henri Cartierdead. Bresson (1908-2004) was an influential French CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): photographer, a pioneer of photojournalism Congratulations. Your current dilemmas are who helped transform photography into an art form. more useful and interesting than any you’ve e 15-year-old granddaughter of Cliven Bundy (the Nevada rancher InTh1986, he was invited to Palermo, Sicily to accept a had for a long time. If you can even partially solve them, whose the federal government caused athe notorious standoff prize for dispute his work.with The hotel he stayed in seemed oddly changes set in motion will improve your entire life, in March) told Lasknow Vegas’ KSNV-TV that her dad (Bundy’s son) was familiar, but he didn’t why.

Later he learned it was not just the circumstances they immediately affect. Of withdrawing her from her highonschool because officials where his mother and father stayed their honeymoon the several woulddividends not allowyou may reap, one of my faves is: –her where he wasa conceived.

There’s a She similar event couldhis liberate to carry knife on campus. said her dad hasYou taught kids yourself from a messed-up kind of NCIS) to “always” carry a knife. (just Leroy Jethro Gibbs on the like horizon for you: a return to on origins, perhaps beauty and be available for a more soothing, delightful inadvertent; an evocative encounter with your roots, a kind. Another potential benefit: You transform yourself in reunification with an influence that helped make you ways to attract more useful, interesting dilemmas.

Annual Bunyola “fiestas” on the Spanish island of Mallorca were who you are. canceled in September out of respect for an 18-year-old manAQUARIUS who (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Alan Moore, the fatally hit head after receiving an electric shock on a lamp postauthor he who wrote the graphic novels LEOhis (July 23-Aug. 22): With expert execution, British was leaning against as he at a street musician Ben Lee canurinated play 15 notes per corner.

Watchmen and V for Vendetta, is nearing second on his violin. Superstar eater Pete Chuck completion of Shepherd Jerusalem, a novel he’s been writing for Czerwinski takes just 34 seconds to devour a 12-inch weirdnews@earthlink.net six years. It’ll be more than a million words, almost twice pizza. When Jerry Miculek holds his rifle, he can get off that of Tolstoy’s War and Peace, and 200,000 words more eight crack shots at four targets in a little more than than the Bible. “Any editor worth their salt would tell one second. While upside-down, Aichi Ono can do 135 me to cut two-thirds of this book,” Moore told the New perfect head spins in a minute. I don’t expect you to be Statesman, “but that’s not going to happen.” Referring to as lightning-fast and utterly flawless as they are in the the author of Moby Dick, Moore adds, “I doubt Herman weeks ahead, but you’ll be unusually quick and skillful.

Melville had an editor. If he had, that editor would’ve told Speed and efficiency are your specialties. him to get rid of all that boring stuff about whaling: ‘Cut to the chase, Herman.’” Make Moore and Melville your role VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): As the makeup models next week. You may sprawl, ramble and expand. artist for Dallas Buyers Club, Robin Mathews Do NOT cut to the chase. had a daunting task. During 23 days of shooting, she had to constantly transform lead PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): For a long time, actors Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto so Illinois writer ArLynn Leiber Presser didn’t go they appeared either deathly ill or relatively healthy. out much. She had 325 Facebook friends and Sometimes she had to switch them back and forth five was content to get social needs met in the virtual realm. times a day. She was so skillful, she won the Academy Then she embarked on a year-long project, seeking Award for Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Her budget? face-to-face meetings with all of her online buddies.

A meager $250. The film was a shoestring indie The experiment yielded sometimes complicated but production. She’s your inspirational role model for the mostly interesting results. It took her to 51 cities around next few weeks. You can create magic without a wealth the world. Make her your inspirational role model for the of resources. weeks ahead. Time to move out of your imagination and into the real world. You’re primed to turn fantasies into LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “I am a seed about actions, dreams into practical pursuits. to break,” wrote Sylvia Plath in her poem Rob Brezsny “Three Women.” That’s how I see you. You’re freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com 36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

JUST LIKE THE SCRIPT

RULE NO. 9

SHOCKING

NEWS OF THE WEIRD NEW FRONTIERS IN VACUOUSNESS

In August, WE cable network disclosed it ordered a nine-episode adaptation of a British series, “Sex Box,” in which a couple enters a large opaque chamber on stage and has sex.

The pair, pre- and post-coitally, are clothed and seated before a panel of lesser celebrities, and will respond to questions and comment on their feelings and techniques (likely enduring praise and criticisms about their “work”). The series will debut sometime in 2015.

THE ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT

The “trendy” 25hours Hotel Bikini Berlin, beside the Berlin Zoo and with some of the best views of the city from its floor-to-ceiling windows, has famously positioned the restrooms of its Monkey Bar in front of the windows, also, and those heeding nature’s call are clearly visible to gawkers. Guests are merely warned, by the Trip Advisor website and by the hotel itself, with the admonition, “Please be careful. Not only the monkeys are watching.”

JUST IN CASE

China’s insurance companies offer some of the world’s quirkiest policies, according to a September Reuters item from Hong Kong.

People’s Insurance Group, for example, will pay out in case a customer’s children display disappointingly “mischievous and destructive” habits. The Ancheng company offers a policy protecting a customer in case his mouth is burned eating “hotpot.” Ping An Insurance Group (actually, the world’s second-largest by market value) has recently offered an “accidental pregnancy before honeymoon” policy, and is one of three companies that competed to sell couples compensation in case a marriage is disrupted by a “concubine.”

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

New Orleans Juvenile Court Judge Yolanda King, already indicted for falsifying her home address in her 2013 campaign for office, was spotted by a Times-Picayune reporter on Aug. 20 filing three registration papers for the Nov. 4 election in which she swore (under oath) to three different addresses — two of which appeared to be clearly erroneous. Her lawyer told the newspaper that the judge, who was suspended by the Louisiana Supreme

Court following her indictment, had merely “misinterpreted” the instructions.

FROM OUR COLD DEAD HANDS

As part of a nationwide distribution of surplus military equipment, 10 Texas school districts acquired a total of 64 M-16 rifles, 18 M-14s, 25 automatic pistols and magazines capable of holding 4,500 rounds of ammunition. District officials referred generally to the need to protect against school attacks such as the notorious incidents in Colorado and Connecticut, but a local Houston area police chief, seeking to reassure a nervous public, promised the equipment would be used only by tactically trained officers and that, otherwise, would be locked in the department’s armory. A critic of the program told KHOU-TV that statistically, the typical active-shooter school situation lasts 12 minutes, hardly enough time to get to the armory and load up.

FINE POINTS OF THE LAW

In July, a panel of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit in Detroit, ruling on a judicial corruption complaint, managed to describe the actions of a Michigan state judge, “Hon.” Wade McCree, as “often reprehensible” — in that he had been carrying on a romantic affair with a woman involved in a child custody case he was judging. (The woman received favorable rulings.) However, the Court of Appeals judges told the unlucky father that McCree cannot be sued because judges are generally immune from lawsuit.

OOPSIE

Nick Olivas, 24, is a rare American. At age 14 (an age that, in Arizona, makes him legally incapable of consenting to sex), he fathered a daughter with a 20-year-old woman — paternity he learned of only two years ago. The mother filed against Olivas for child support that now totals $15,000. Olivas is rare in that most states exempt rape victims from child-support orders — except that, since Olivas never made a police report of the incident, Arizona Child Support Services will not exempt him, and instead has obtained an order garnisheeing his wages at $380 a month.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

HELLO, YOUNG LOVERS (aka ISU Writers): The limit for ISU notices is 40 words ONLY. No messages with more than 40 words will be accepted. Please keep your message short & sweet. Thanks!

BARISTA WITH DEVILED EGGS You: Starbucks Barista. Handed me a deviled egg, drew a heart on my vanilla milk. Never knew what I loved about this old coffee shop. Close your tally with a herringbone? Love to read more newspapers – as your girlfriend. When: Aug. 14.

Where: Southside/Baymeadows Starbucks. #1411-0924

MR. CHEVY EQUINOX ISU wearing scrubs, driving an Equinox. I wore shorts, tank top; driving a black Chevy Tahoe, heading out of town for work. You asked about the Tahoe, what I did for a living.

Love to chat more! When: Aug. 19. Where: Town Center Shell. #1400-0827

SAUSAGE CUTIE You: Fast-talking Penguin shirt guy, recently out of jail; said three months in jail builds character. Me: Tall, jet-black hair, way-too-short dress. I asked if you knew I wasn’t wearing panties; you joked about sausage size on pizza.

Pizza soon? When: Sept. 17. Where: Avondale Mellow Mushroom. #1410-0924

MEET FOR BEER You: Handsome guy, Yankee Coffin Co. T-shirt, jeans, behind me at register; our eyes met. Me: Curly blonde, jeans. Said hello as you left on motorcycle with I assume your son. If not single, no reply; you looked nice. When: Aug. 17. Where: European Street Jax Beach. #1398-0827

BLACK GUY, ORANGE SHIRT, BOOTS You: Handsome, dark skin, orange shirt, behind me in WalMart money center line, 2 p.m. Me: Tall, curvy, tattooed blonde talking to couple ahead of you. Too shy to stay, thought I saw you looking. Meet? When: Sept. 12. Where: Kingsland Walmart. #1409-0917 COFFEE HOTTIE You: Hottest girl at Bold Bean, skintight Lululemons, bedhead and full-sleeve Molly Hatchet tattoo. You caught my glance waiting for latte. Me: Still drunk from last night, looking fine in Jesus Is The Shit shirt. We MUST meet. When: Sept. 10. Where: Bold Bean. #1408-0917 HOT BLONDE @ UPS STORE You: Girl at Claire Lane/San Jose Boulevard UPS store. Me: Handsome Latino courier who comes in twice a month to pick up a customer’s mail. You know who I am. If single, wanna chat? When: Sept. 8. Where: UPS Store. #1407-0917 FLIRTING WHILE DRIVING? You: Dark Dodge pickup, Gator plate. Me: Old red Jeep Cherokee. Passed each other – intentionally – on bridge; smiles, waves. You’re cute! I was late, or would’ve followed.

Wanna slow down and say hi? When: Sept. 3. Where: Buckman Bridge. #1406-0917 DESPERATELY SEEKING PIXIE You: Steampunk girl on red couch. You asked if I’d ever be done. Me: In black, too work focused to speak to you properly. I’m done; ready. Need to find each other. Let’s meet, talk, try to forgive. RAM 10 a.m. find me. I’ll go until I see you. When: Aug. 23. Where: Royal. #1405-0917 HOT COP AT LOGAN’S ROADHOUSE ISU at Logan’s. You were the slightly seasoned gentleman.

You ordered the juicy steak, but I wish I could have ordered yours. Oh, and Momma has a coupon for you! When: Aug. 29. Where: Logan’s Roadhouse. #1404-0910 BMW RIDER ISU 18 years ago. Your cute dimples, warm smile and sexy moustache won my heart. Interested in a lifetime of fun? If so, let’s par-tay! Happy anniversary, Love, Your Nag. When: May 1994. Where: Famous Amos. #1403-0910 STUNNING BLONDE NURSE Talked; bought you a drink upstairs. We seemed to connect. You showed me your driver license because I didn’t believe your age. Wish I’d written your name down; really want to talk. When: Aug. 22. Where: Salt Life St. Augustine. #1402-0827 PURPLE SCRUBS SAN MARCO You took my blood pressure, started asking me some questions, then a young doctor walked in. We started laughing at the tag-team questionnaire. I commented on your long hair. When: Aug. 19. Where: Academic Dermatology. #1401-0827

HOLDING AN UMBRELLA You: Sweet, standing under shelter helping people to cars during a thunderstorm. Me: Redhead desperate for shelter from the storm. You asked me what I did. You work at insurance agency. Call if you’d like to share your umbrella.

When: Aug. 14. Where: Thrasher Horne Center. #1397-0820 RUNNING OUT OF MOONLIGHT ISU: Mavericks acoustic concert. We talked, you put your arm around me during two songs. Your friend said you wash your beard with long-term relationship Head & Shoulders.

You make a cowboy hat look good ;). When: Aug. 13. Where: Mavericks at the Landing. #1396-0820 SUPERCUTE SECURITY GUARD Wanted to talk to you but you were already talking to another female when I was leaving. You: Supercute white security guard. Me: Cute, thin, chocolate-caramel female.

Hoping you and I get a chance to talk. When: Aug. 12.

Where: Main Library. #1395-0820 NAVY FATIGUES & ME You: A tall gorgeous clean-cut guy in your Navy uniform waiting on your coffee at Starbucks. Me: A shy long-haired Native American princess waiting on her breakfast dessert. Why aren’t you on the menu? When: Aug. 7. Where: 1604 Margaret St. #1394-0813 WALMART CHECKOUT, ST. AUGUSTINE You: Tall handsome gentleman, cowboy boots, jeans & white shirt. On a Monday, we chatted about your pool chlorine and my grapes. Me: Petite, long red hair. New to area, would love to connect.

When: Aug. 4. Where: St. Augustine Walmart. #1393-0813

I SAW U Connection Made!

J.B. WITH A PLAIN NAME TAG You have a good smile. I tried to flirt back; maybe next time I see you I can give you my phone number. Me: Redhead in bright lime green workout tank. When: Aug. 4. Where: Panera@Beach/Hodges. #1392-0813 ANGEL WITH A BOARD You: Black bikini, tan, long hair, carrying surfboard, smiled at me. Me: In a complicated relationship; just wanted to tell you, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks for the smile. When: Aug. 6. Where: Jax Beach Pier parking lot. #1391-0813 FLYING IGUANA CLASSY LADY You: Professional-looking classy lady (realtor?) with gold name tag on left jacket lapel at bar’s north end with male and female friends. Me: Silverheaded fox, in booth with buddy behind you at Iguana last Friday. When: July 25. Where: Flying Iguana. #1390-0806 CLOWNFACE 7/20. You: Sitting with old guy. You called me “Chucklehead” and rode off on a red beach cruiser. Drop the relic and ride into the sunset with me. When: July 20. Where: Atlantic Beach Diner. #1389-0730

SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

FOLIO WEEKLY PUZZLER by Merl Reagle. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

PONTE VEDRA

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 St. Johns Ave. 10300 Southside Blvd.

388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

Backup Men

84 “Relief is just a ___!”

87 Sunday dinners 89 Gumshoes, briefly 90 Inveigh against 91 I-don’t-know-how-long 92 No-frills ACROSS 95 What a citizen of 1 Lift passages?

Canada was called 7 English derby site before 1977 12 Mother of Calcutta 99 Layer of the eye 18 Exchange 100 ___ Mawr 19 ___ myrtle 101 Heart recording, briefly 20 Is crazy about 21 Gem with a distinctive 102 It made the ZDX crossover sparkle 104 NYC ave.

22 Not from the same source 105 “A Dream Within a Dream” penner 24 Greek nickname 106 Relative of teal 25 Be the queen of 111 Sense of music, 27 Bug for payment perhaps 28 Doctor of music?

29 Actress Gershon et al. 112 Spiritual writerphilosopher born in 32 Thriller author’s first British India name 115 Unfit to ingest 33 Each 118 Log-in need 35 Pressure 119 Climber’s spike 36 Positively bonkers 41 Deteriorates, in a way 120 Cameroon neighbor 121 Hazards 42 Robed dignitary 122 Recipe parts 43 Dollars and cents 123 Behaved brattily 44 Barrel of fun?

45 Man with a tough DOWN choice 1 Old boyfriends 48 Use as a crutch, maybe 2 Guffaw syllable 52 Word on a buck 3 Letters in car ads 53 Timeworn 4 The last ball 55 Kind of kick, in 5 Like penne or ziti football 6 Newspaper spelling 56 Witty remark guidelines 58 Gut feeling?

7 Lover of Narcissus 60 Noted student of actress Jean Arthur’s 8 Before: abbr. when Arthur taught 9 Fill completely at Vassar 10 Repair organs, e.g.

62 When the cock crows 11 Mal de ___ 64 Pricey 12 Touch base again 66 Swift watercraft 13 Fall scene?

70 North African capital 14 Former White House 71 Speech nickname 73 Forecast word 15 Slowly vanishes 75 Coward of cinema 16 Artist who inspired 76 Picker’s issue Sondheim 77 Pinches 17 Portfolio listings 81 Some baseball deals 18 Tiny groove 83 “Miracle on Ice” team 21 Wilt, as from work

Some of the people in this puzzle eventually got to the top, but they all spent time at the backup position.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

18

25

29

30

31

36

N A P E S

A C U R A

T U P A C

A B B A

C R U X

T I D E

A B I D E

H O N E D

A N T E S

9

H M A S H E O R C A MM A C H I P B AW L G I L A U R A L B O M E N H P Y H A N S P O L O L O L L G I V E E M I V S N I N E D N O N T H E I U R U A P I N C H B T O O B O N S AW E R I M S F L A T F E N S

10

11

46

58

33

64

66

80

85

68

81 87

M I C E

S L E D

51 57

88

91

100

113

L E A S H

83

96

97

101

105

A Z T E C

75 82

95

104

A M O S

70 74

90

99

B U S T

63

69

86

94

17

56

73

89

16

50

62 67

79

15

R I D

P R O V O

41

55

78

S T I N G E R

E G O

O B I T S

35

40

61

77

14

49

72

76

S E A N

K C I A T O R S O N P E R S E A U R G T O R E X I R Y S B D A D E L O U S OM A R A L Q U A U N I A T T

44

60

71

84

39

54

65

I N C H E M C A O I L L I S

A R A N

28

34

48

59

13

E A R P

D O R I S D A R Y U N S H A A V R E D S

23

43

53

93

12

S T O O L U I I D

27

38

47

A K A N I S N E S V I L R N K O C D O V S E B A H E L E D A H R H A A R I N T N A Y S H O EWE C H R

20

32 37

52

112

A T R A

26

42

92

R E A L

22

24

74 Hit again, as the stage 78 Tie the knot 79 Nothing-fancy business outfit 80 Revealing skirt feature 82 Skater Henie 85 “Vision” ending 86 Prince in “Aladdin” 88 “Be there in ___” 91 Saint whose feast day is Dec. 25 92 Build pecs and biceps 93 Disinclined 94 More alluring 95 La ___ Tar Pits 96 Units of yarn 97 Contract bridge tactic 98 Refrain from singing?

100 Connery, Moore, Brosnan, Craig, et al.

103 Word often shorted to its middle letter 105 Groundhog’s name 107 One-named Deco artist 108 ___ the charts (No. 1) 109 Goes out, in a game 110 Strips in a photo lab 113 Part of the country that was Ceylon 114 UK election winners 116 Paris’s Pont ___ arts 117 Anger

Solution to A Kinder, Gentler Puzzle B M W S

19

21

45

8

23 Oxygen doesn’t have one 26 Like some fondue pots 30 Iowa State’s home 31 Where Robert Louis Stevenson died 34 Change in Chile 35 Colorful-sounding name?

37 Nissan nicks 38 Obama’s attorney general 39 “___ volunteers?”

40 Defier of Stalin 41 Just-released 44 Spiral-horned antelope 45 Boards, informally 46 Traveling 47 Not worthy of 48 Golf great McIlroy 49 Deceived 50 Unsettling-sounding 51 Most meddlesome 54 ___ group 57 Modern electric cars 59 Grok 61 Punch sound 63 “Head for the hills!”

65 Ant attractor 67 Islamic decrees 68 “Well, actually ...”

69 “It’s possible” 72 Unrefined finds

106

107

108

102

109 115

118

119

120

121

122

123

38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 24-30, 2014

103

110

114

111 116

98

117

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MISCELLANEOUS

BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

ON THE MERITS OF

Why the solution to Florida’s water crisis may be your pee

DRINKING

(PURIFIED)

URINE

T

here is a disgust factor when people think about drinking urine. This includes urine that has been purified.

The people of Orange County, California, are doing just that. According to State of the Planet (published by The Earth Institute at Columbia University), wastewater is going through “an advanced treatment process” in Orange County.

The publication notes that the Orange County Water District opened a $480 million state-of-the-art wastewater reclamation facility, the largest in the United States, in 2008. It costs $29 million per year to operate.

By this year, it’s expected to handle 85 million gallons per day. Note that this is the capacity at the reverse osmosis unit; the result after returning the 20 percent of the water that does not meet standards to the sewage plant is about 65 million gallons per day (mgd).

According to Orange County Water District’s website, there’s currently a 30-mgd expansion going on at the plant. This expansion, being done by Siemens, will increase the capacity of the reverse osmosis unit to 115 mgd and the overall capacity to 95 mgd. At $125 million, the cost of the expanded capacity comes to just over $4 per gallon of capacity.

Scientific American points out that after processing in an advanced wastewater treatment system (AWTS), the former sewage is purer than water from either the aquifer or from reservoirs. In fact, the article points out, that water is withdrawn from and then treated sewage is dumped back into the Mississippi River a total of five times by the time New Orleans pulls its drinking water from the river.

Can JEA help Florida’s aquifer and springs by building an AWTS locally — and more important, what about Orange, Seminole, Osceola and Polk counties? Is this something we can afford to do — or can we afford not to do it?

In 2012-’13, JEA sold 33.088 billion

gallons of water and treated 24.624 billion gallons of sewage. If this went through advanced treatment and was injected back into the aquifer, we could reclaim almost three-quarters of the water that we use.

To allow for peak usage, a plant capable of 95-mgd overall capacity would probably fit JEA’s needs. Using Orange County costs and adjusting for inflation, the cost would be around $665 million. Does JEA have room for such a plant?

There is a large area of land immediately to the north of the Buckman Street Wastewater Treatment Plant. This parcel is bordered by Talleyrand Avenue on the east, the CSX tracks on the north and Buckman Street on the west.

The proximity to the sewage plant means only a short pair of pipes is needed to accept the treated sewage and return the water that does not meet quality standards. There’s also room for injection wells at the site.

How does the AWTS impact the average JEA customer’s pocketbook? Currently, the average customer pays $4.94 per 1,000 gallons for his or her sewage charge. Adding the cost of advanced treatment, the additional fees would be $2.55 per 1,000 gallons to cover debt service and operating costs. What would this do to average JEA customers?

It would make them more water-conscious.

They might choose to buy drought-resistant plants and finally comprehend that grass needs to be watered only once a month during a drought and not at all if there’s abundant rainfall. Irrigation is the biggest user of water and the biggest waste of water.

Of course, the state of Florida could

create legislation that would help with water conservation. The first measure would prevent homeowners’ associations (HOAs) from setting a “greenness” standard for lawns, which would mean less mandated watering and fewer treatments with nitrogen-rich fertilizers. The second measure would state that all HOAs would be required to allow members to use drought-resistant landscaping.

Maintaining Florida’s springs is more important than having thousands of square miles of perfect yards. The elimination of nitrogen application to Florida’s lawns could decrease the levels of nitrogen discharged into Florida’s waterways by 7 percent. However, there is a measure that could help our state further decrease nitrogen levels.

Florida should make certain that septic tank inspections are fully funded at either the state or local level. It is estimated that defective or aging septic systems account for more than 40 percent of the nitrogen that enters our waterways. If these systems were repaired or replaced, the impact on water quality would be substantial.

This leads us to Central Florida. If the water and sewage providers were to reclaim almost 75 percent of the water in the area and inject it into the aquifer, there would be no need to withdraw water from the St. Johns.

After the treatment plants and pipes were built to move water from the river for use throughout Seminole County and beyond, it would cost almost as much as doing advanced treatment and injection into aquifer.

Before allowing the withdrawal of water from the St. Johns to water more Central Florida lawns, there should be a closer look

We could reclaim almost 2.8 billion gallons each day, which is about one-third of our daily freshwater usage.

by the St. Johns River Water Management District at using the AWTS and reinjection process to meet the needs of Seminole and Orange counties. This keeps the St. Johns intact and helps maintain the proper salinity levels, a vital ecological consideration.

Before anyone is allowed to move forward with withdrawing river water, the use of the AWTS on a statewide basis should be fully explored. This process, if used in all of Florida, would help with water quality. For instance: • There would be more water available to feed dying springs such as White Springs near Lake City.

• There would be less nitrogen in critical feed-water locations like Silver Springs.

• There would be more freshwater for our future needs.

• As water use increases, reclamation and injection facilities could be enlarged.

• Saltwater intrusion would be decreased.

• The process allows time for other water shortage solutions, such as desalinization, to become cost-effective.

What could we do to resolve our state’s water issues? Set aside the next $1 billion increase in state revenue to issue bonds for these reclamation and injection plants. After the discount fee, there would $17.46 billion, which provides enough funds to build 32 of these plants. We could then reclaim almost 2.8 billion gallons each day, which is about one-third of our daily freshwater usage.

Using AWTS with conservation measures and aggressive septic tank inspections will go a long way toward helping improve Florida’s water quality. The monthly cost for the average water-user would be about $15. Much of this cost could be offset by a decrease in lawn-watering and conservation.

We should embrace AWTS and help save our waterways — and plant life, animal and marine life, and ourselves.

Bruce A. Fouraker mail@folioweekly.com

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be no more than 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

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