From both sides now

6 FROM BOTH SIDES NOW

Former Mayor John Delaney isn’t afraid to change his opinions. He wants the same for you.

New to Twitter, while quarantined some weeks back, I posted something I thought was neutral and clever: That both Trump and Biden would do better if they simply stopped talking and campaigning. Trump, because nearly everything he says seems divisive, either intentionally or ignorantly. Biden, because he has a 50 year career of verbal gaffes that make George Bush look like Laurence Olivier. It is actually a universal campaign idiom: some candidates are better off leaving town so as to not blow a near certain election victory. And to prove my point, Biden stuck to his bunker with limited public comments and has seen his poll numbers skyrocket; Trump did the opposite and has botched nearly every press conference. Maybe Biden read my tweet. But in the Twitter-sphere, somehow, my comment seemed to claim some personal moral equivalency between Trump and Biden, with Trump of course some modern day Hitler. Even a long time (liberal) friend lost her cool and demanded that I condemn Trump. (She later apologized.) Some began to criticize me and demand that I condemn the “lies and abuse of public offi cials” among other demanded condemnations from my keystroke. That became a theme—absent responding to every societal wrong in the Twitter-sphere that I somehow supported the wrong. At one point, in exasperation, I asked if I had jumped high enough while others shot bullets at my feet, while they kept insisting that I jump higher. Then the name calling started. I was a divisive provocateur. I was part of a cult. My career as Mayor was slammed. One claimed that most of the money a referendum I had backed while Mayor went directly into politicians’ pockets. Yeah, right. Another wrote that all Republicans since Goldwater had a racist agenda, universally. Never mind that nearly all white Southern Democratic Representatives and Senators voted against the major civil rights legislation of the 1950’s and ‘60’s, and those bills only passed because of Republican votes. Other seemingly benign comments—hoping that there were decent regulations to protect the votes from each party, was taken as intent to suppress voters. Bizarrely, even my very public support of federally convicted local African American public offi cials was likewise turned on its head. (Nearly all the public offi cials convicted by the Feds in Duval County since 1990 have been black, and I have been supportive of most of the accused.) An expressed hope that pharmaceutical companies will fi nd a COVID vaccine led to tirades against me on health care. I felt as if I had run into some Democratic version of Trump, with the same name calling, and offensive adjectives, adverbs and nouns. Sometimes, nearly identical words to the behavior that the Democratic tweet-sphere condemns in Trump. Both a mirror image and identical at the same time. I publicly did not vote for Trump in 2016. I am a Republican, and was the fi rst Republican elected Mayor of Jacksonville since Reconstruction, some 120 years earlier. I have voted for the Republican candidate for President since I fi rst started voting. But I have been called by the media “famously party bucking” and worked hard to be broadly inclusive. I am left on gay rights, women’s and race issues, among others. I drafted a tax referendum for a capital plan for growth management, which passed in a landslide. I appointed the fi rst Black Fire Chief, General Counsel, and Deputy CAO. The latter now runs the Port Authority, the second runs the city’s largest law fi rm, where I now work. I had more women VPs while President at UNF than men. While Mayor, we purchased about 80 square miles of park space, creating the largest city park system in the country. I remain Republican largely over economic, judicial, free speech, and religious freedom issues. I am happy to civilly debate such things. I have moved from right to left on a lot of issues, and from left to right on some others. For example, I have changed on the death penalty and abortion. When I left offi ce, I was viewed favorably by over 80% of African Americans, Democrats and Republicans, every demographic group and from all parts of town. After a close fi rst election victory, I realized that I needed to, personally and professionally, understand other points of view and perspectives. I became hungry for it. But people are quick to assume and to label. What I believe the country needs now is civil debate. We no longer share common understandings of words or even facts. Compromise is viewed as selling out. There is no respect for opposing views. Frankly, I completely understand opposing views on abortion as I have been on each side. There are sincere beliefs on both sides. Really—good, well-meaning, kind, decent and warm people have opposing views on abortion. Mr. Rogers has it right: Be kind. I would add: try to understand people whose views you do not share. Call out injustice. Try and be tolerant. Drop the adjectives and adverbs, drop the name calling. Years ago, I saw the Deadwood actor Ian McShane on a talk show. He used most of the interview to condemn George W Bush. He worked it even while others on the show were being interviewed. He interrupted to add another dig at Bush. Just recently, I read an interview of the same actor. He was asked how he hoped to be remembered. “Tolerant” was his response. Many people who think they are tolerant, only tolerate those who think like themselves. As for me, I am trying to understand those that don’t think like me.

John Delaney former Mayor of Jacksonville

Coronavirus arrived through air and lungs in early 2020. Since then, we’ve cut out most nonessential interaction with strangers and loved ones. Even with loosened restrictions in Florida, many of us choose to stay home and social distance to protect ourselves, our friends and our families. Romance is resilient, though, through pain and pandemic. While we were stuck at home, alone with our thoughts or spending every waking moment with our domestic partners, most of our economy and social scene were on pause. This has forced single people to adapt. “Dating from home” could mean keeping your new girlfriend at text message distance or quarantining with your new boyfriend. Young folks in the dating scene shared with us their experiences getting to know potential partners in these weird times.

Z, SHE/HER, 20 I have been in two fl ings since mid-March. I met them both through social media. I love the physicality of relationships and that’s harder with the pandemic, but it teaches me patience and value. I have gone on dates, we went camping and walked on the beach and hung out in the car by the water. The dates are different now because there are limited things to do compared to pre-COVID-19 like going to the movies, ice skating, or eating out safely. This has made me appreciate the small things. I can’t wait for this to be over, I love dressing up and going on dinner dates.

J, HE/HIM, 22 I was quarantined by myself but before the cases got higher I would hang with people more often. The people I hung out with didn’t worry about the restrictions. If we wanted to hang out we did. The difference between dating before covid and you’re talking to doesn’t have it or anyone in their household.

K, THEY/THEM 21 I’ve been talking to this girl since the beginning of COVID-19, only hung out in real life twice but formed a super close bond already via internet communication. Otherwise I don’t chill with anyone and I’ve been self-isolating. I refuse to use dating apps and prefer more “organic” meetings, so most prospects are wiped out for the foreseeable future. Sort of a bummer.

G, HE/HIM, 23 COVID-19 forced a lot of would-be partners to spend a lot of quality time too soon due to things being closed, in turn it either made or broke the fl ing. Netfl ix and chill was the go-to thing, eating at my place or theirs and watching movies. I did go on one date after the state re-opened, it was not much different.

C, HE/HIM, 23 There were a lot of girls that I talked to that we probably would have gotten along but COVID-19 prevented us from doing anything but texting so interest was lost. If we did hang it was at my apartment because there was nowhere else to go. I work at an essential business but I feel I’ve stayed pretty safe. If I felt I had symptoms I would tell people and i never did, same for the people I was talking to.

P, SHE/HER, 22 I was in a relationship when quarantine started. We tried to quarantine together, but I think it was too early in the relationship for a commitment like that, so as anything forced prematurely it crumbled around us. I then went on a few social distanced dates, they blew. Jacksonville isn’t as fun right now.

M, HE/HIM, 23 I was in quarantine since the beginning of March. The last traditional date I had was in the beginning of March, other than that, I went on a walking date in mid-April. I would to dating after I would say is just making sure that the person

say, overwhelmingly, that quarantine and the pandemic has hindered those dates and fl ings. It was diffi cult to justify going on a date while people were dying from people not social distancing. And so it felt futile talking to somebody that I won’t meet for a while.

L, SHE/HER, 23 Quarantine hindered dating a little because I was hesitant to go on dates with people who were essential workers, since I work at home and am at-risk. One date I went on was outside at a park and he brought snacks and drinks instead of sitting in somewhere. We sat in close proximity but we weren’t all over each other. In another encounter, we went to a restaurant that had limited capacity and sat in an open area - it didn’t feel very different at all. We only went on a few real dates because we got paranoid with the increase in cases. Now we just meet at each other’s houses and order takeout or cook.

M, THEY/THEM, 19 The threat of getting sick helped re-evaluate the kinds of people I’m willing to break the rules for. With quarantine, my dating pool simultaneously expanded and shrunk. Everyone wants to get out, everyone feels a little braver, we all have a little more time to connect, plus the urge to connect is stronger, but the world is still on hold. I can’t even see past this year for myself, how could I add another person to that equation? That thought has held me back from dating, but the need for human interaction pushes me in the opposite direction. Dating on the phone was always an option, but human interaction is an important part of forming connections for me.