2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3
THIS WEEK //3.7.18-3.13.18 // VOL. 30 ISSUE 49 COVER STORY
THE GREAT JEA
HEIST
[11]
Are Jacksonville powerbrokers giving the 123-year-old municipal utility the KISS OF DEATH? story by CLAIRE GOFORTH
FEATURED ARTICLES FEATURED
LIKE CHRISTMAS SWEATERS [5] BY MADELEINE PECK WAGNER Gifts of PUBLIC ART
IDENTITY CRISIS
BY A.G. GANCARSKI What do Duval DEMOCRATIC PRIMARIES mean?
[9]
ALL HAIL! EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!
[27]
BY NICK McGREGOR FOUND FOOTAGE auteurs return with new film The Great Satan
COLUMNS + CALENDARS GUEST EDITORIAL OUR PICKS MAIL/B&B FIGHTIN’ WORDS NEWS AAND NOTES MUSIC FILM
5 6 8 9 10 18 20
ARTS LISTING ARTS LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR DINING BITE-SIZED PINT-SIZED CHEFFED-UP
21 27 29 34 38 39 40
M.D. M.J. 41 PET PARENTING 42 CROSSWORD / ASTROLOGY 44 WEIRD / I SAW U 45 CLASSIFIEDS 46 BACKPAGE
GET SOCIAL visit us online at
FOLIOWEEKLY.COM PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor sam@folioweekly.com / 904.860.2465 ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER • T. Farrar Martin fmartin@folioweekly.com
DISTRIBUTION
EDITORIAL
PUBLISHER Sam Taylor sam@folioweekly.com / (904) 860-2465 MULTIMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGERS CJ Allen CJAllen946@gmail.com / ext. 140 Kathrin Lancelle klancelle@folioweekly.com / ext. 124 Tony Fuesler tony@folioweekly.com Pat Ladd pat@folioweekly.com / ext. 151
EDITOR • Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Madeleine Peck Wagner madeleine@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 EDITORIAL INTERNS • Tommy Robelot, Josh Hodges CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Josue Cruz, Julie Delegal, Susan Cooper Eastman, Marvin Edwards, A.G. Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Mary Maguire, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Jake Gerken, Kara Pound, Dale Ratermann, Nikki Sanders, Matthew B. Shaw, Chuck Shepherd, Brentley Stead, Chef Bill Thompson, Marc Wisdom VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry EVENTS DIRECTOR • James Harper entertainmentandproductions@gmail.com / ext. 103
DESIGN
ART DIRECTOR • Chaz Bäck cback@folioweekly.com / ext. 116 PRODUCTION MANAGER • Madison Gross madison@folioweekly.com
BUSINESS & ADMINISTRATION BUSINESS MANAGER • Lorraine Cover fpiadmin@folioweekly.com / ext. 119
4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
Bobby Pendexter / cosmicdistributions@gmail.com
ADVERTISING
FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY THROUGHOUT NORTHEAST FLORIDA AND CAMDEN COUNTY, GEORGIA. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly Magazine welcomes editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2018. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly Magazine is printed on 100% recycled paper using soy-based inks.
thefolioweekly
@folioweekly
@folioweekly
For the best in Live Music, Arts, Sports, Food and Nightlife, download our DOJAX Mobile App by texting “Folio” to 77948
45 West Bay Street Suite 103 Jacksonville, Florida 32202 PHONE 904.260.9770 FAX 904.260.9773
GUEST EDITORORIAL
LIKE CHRISTMAS
SWEATERS Gifts off PUBLIC ART ART AND CRITICISM ARE SLIPPERY, SHADY (A.F.) businesses packed with ego, agenda and the genuine search for meaning. In January, the New York Times reported that French artists and cultural figures publicly demanded that the city of Paris abandon a plan to install the Jeff Koons sculpture, Bouquet of Tulips—a giant white hand gripping a fistful of balloon flowers. The piece was set to commemorate victims of recent terrorist attacks. Citing the sculpture as “opportunistic and cynical,” the signers of the public letter were able to push back against an unwanted “gift.” Authenticity and meaning are at the heart of most arguments in and around the arts. In Jacksonville, the discussions around private, public spaces—that is to say, private property that intersects with the public realm—come on the heels of the privately funded nonprofit Art Republic mural expo, as well as the (also privately funded) Downtown Sculpture Initiative spearheaded by Preston Haskell and David Engdahl. Both entities are formed around private partnerships with businesses. In DSI’s case, these include Farah & Farah, Gresham Smith and Partners, and First Tennessee Bank. However, recent developments at the Cultural Council of Greater Jacksonville (CCGJ) and the Art in Public Places committee (APP) move the conversation away from private matters of taste, and toward the city’s vision for itself. DSI wants to gift Tropical Flower, a brushed and painted aluminum sculpture by Lina and Gus Ocamposilva, to the city. The work is a 26-foot-tall tripartite turquoise and teal form that resembles a hood ornament from Hell, that is to say, a sorta spooky/silly winged vagina. It’s slated for installation on Laura Street, Downtown. “Color and solidity” are the two requirements that Haskell thinks are “absolutely necessary for a successful sculpture in a downtown environment, with all of the surrounding visual complexity,” according to sculptor and former Senior Vice President and Chief Architect at Haskell, David Engdahl. Indeed. Observers of Downtown may have noticed a few bright and monolithic additions to the landscape. These include Opposing Forces, a big, red, shiny sculpture by Hanna Jubran in Hemming Park, Baladee also by Jubran, at the corner of Main and Adams streets; and Aisling Millar’s Harmonious Ascent (pictured) which evokes a giant egg, waiting to hatch
and wreak iridescent rainbow-hued havoc all over Downtown. Placed in public view on private property (or by special arrangement on public property), they speak of hopefulness and of arrogance. It is important to note that there’s no arguing against Haskell and Engdahl’s deep commitment to the art scene. In addition to Haskell’s own collection, he’s helped MOCA Jacksonville for years as that entity lurches from director to crisis and back again. And Engdahl is an artist and former member of the APP. However, when it comes to a legacy project that the rest of us get to interact with for decades, it seems there should be a public discourse. In this case, there’s not much to be done about the pieces already installed on private land—beyond scorn and the occasional prayer for a very specifically destructive weather event. Or an artist-led uprising, one in which artists enter into the actual fray, which, judging by how ravenous for any kind of art the city seems to be, should be feasible. But Tropical Flower is different. In March 2017, it was a part of an initial 10-sculpture installation to be placed in Downtown (this project is still moving forward). Then, in May 2017, DSI wanted to gift Tropical Flower to the city (along with a $8,000 fee for upkeep to the APP), because the sculpture is scheduled to be installed on a city right-of-way, on the sidewalk in front of the 100 North Laura St. building. At that time various concerns were raised including pedestrian access and basement accessibility. The gift was voted down. But this flower wouldn’t wilt: In November 2017, the Director of the CCGJ and Lenny Curry PAC-donor Tony Allegretti revisited the gift issue by suggesting, in an APP meeting, that a workshop to visit the site be organized. At that time, he said he was concerned about “putting up an impediment to anyone wanting to donate to the [city’s] collection […] hopefully we can get more art out of it.” The workshop was held in January 2018, but before the APP could again vote, the Office of General Counsel (OGC) advised the CCGJ that this decision—whether or not to accept a gift on behalf of the city—was outside of the APP’s scope. Legally, it falls under the CCGJ’s purview. Currently, the status of the gift is nebulous, as the CCGJ—with “guidance from the OGC,” said Allegretti—is in the process of developing protocols to approve and accept gifts. To say that art is subjective is to make an understatement so great as to be the Vanta Black of dissembling. And unlike Tulips, Tropical Flower and its ilk might not “sully the most sacred aspects of our heritage and identity.” However, with single-source aesthetic impositions, surely a closer look is warranted.
Madeleine Peck Wagner madeleine@folioweekly.com
___________________________ To weigh in, attend the next meeting of the Art in Public Places committee, noon, March 14, in City Hall’s Don Davis Room.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5
SIREN CALL CELTIC WOMAN
Part of the rich, illustrious history of the Emerald Isle is its bardic tradition; this group brings the idea of a mystical land filled with magic, faeries and the nectar of the gods (Tullamore Dew, in case you didn’t know) beautifully to life even if sometimes the outfits look a little, er, twee. Truly, their glorious voices have earned apt comparisons to Charlotte Church and Sarah Brightman. 7:30 p.m. Tue., March 13 at the T-U Center’s Moran Theater, $56-$146, fscjartistseries.org.
TUE
13
OUR PICKS
CRUISIN’ DOWN THE STREET...
SAT
10
REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE T HIS W EEK THIS WEEK
AMELIA ISLAND CONCOURS D’ELEGANCE There’s so much to see and
do during this annual event, merely listing it seems like a disservice to the passion of collectors, and the imaginations of visitors. With more than 300 rare, weird, and seldom-seen vehicles from private collections around the world, this is more than a car show, it’s a chance to walk through glamorous history (pictured: the Beatnick Bandit by “Big Daddy” Ed Roth). Times and tickets vary; events run Thur., March 8-Sun., March 11 (the big display day!) at the Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, ameliaconcours.org.
“TURN UP MY SYMPHONY”
WYCLEF JEAN & THE SYMPHONY We’ve heard it done before, that is to say, classical music sampled in hip hop. But it’s a sure bet that musical genius Wyclef Jean will bring things to this performance that are both technically marvelous and aurally thrilling. The hip hop guitarist and the Jacksonville Symphony perform, 8 p.m. Sat., March 10 at Daily’s Place, Downtown, $49-$109, jaxsymphony.org.
THU
8
SAT
10 FRI
9
WOAD TIMES CELTIC MUSIC FEST It’s the perfect time to be Irish for a day! The fest features Albannach (pictured),
Emmet Cahill, Dublin City Ramblers, Emish, Enter the Haggis, House of Hamill, Rathkeltair, Seven Nations and The Steel City Rovers. The whole thing kicks off with a St. Patrick’s Day Parade, 10 a.m. Sat., March 10, and goes (with necessary stops for food, rest, whiskey tasting and rejuvenation) through 7 p.m. Sun., March 11 at Francis Field, St. Augustine, $10-$75 (VIP), celticstaugustine.com.
6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
WINDMILLS AND ALL
MAN OF LA MANCHA Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between a barber’s basin and a magical helmet, a destrier and old nag, and a peasant and a princess. And Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre weaves this play within a play (based on famous novel The Ingenious Nobleman Sir Quixote of La Mancha) so well it’s still a bit of a mystery. 8 p.m. Fri. & Sat., March 9, 10, 16, 17, 23 & 24 and 2 p.m. Sun., March 18 & 25 at Grage Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., $20, abettheatre.com.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7
THE MAIL CELEBRATING THE HOMOGAMETIC SEX
EACH MARCH, WE HAVE THE GREAT OPPORTUNITY for each and every Floridian to intertwine women’s stories–individually and collectively—into the essential fabric of our state’s history as we celebrate Women’s History Month. This annual celebration shines a bright light upon the contributions of women to events in historical and contemporary societies. Although women’s history is woven into the history shared with men, several factors—social, religious, economic and biological—have worked to create a unique sphere of women’s history. This year marks the 38th anniversary of the Women’s History Movement, and as Executive Director of the state agency charged with shining a light on discrimination in the state of Florida, I find it very fitting that this year’s theme, “NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED: Honoring Women Who Fight All Forms of Discrimination Against Women,” compels us to remember those who have endured discrimination, fought back and made a difference. In Florida, women have been at the forefront of our growing and vibrant Sunshine State. Educators, like Mary McLeod Bethune who founded Bethune-Cookman University, and the state’s first African-American woman to serve as a legislator, Gwendolyn “Gwen” Sawyer Cherry, served as both civil rights champions and role models to all Floridians and to women throughout the nation. I am proud that the stories of women from all cultures and classes are recognized and celebrated as never before. Our shared history unites families, communities and nations. Let all Floridians come together to recognize and highlight the many ways that women’s history has become a significant part of our Florida story. I echo the words of Amelia Earhart who said, “Women, like men, should try to do the impossible. And when they fail, their failure should be a challenge to others.”
Michelle Wilson, Executive Director Florida Commission on Human Relations via email
WHITE ON WHITE WORD CRIME
RE.: “An American Terrorist,” by Claire Goforth, Feb. 21 ARTICLE ON PAGE 5 OF FOLIO WEEKLY SAYS THE NEW face of American terrorism is young and white. WTF. How ’bout young white Democrat belonging to ANTIFA? Last shooter was legally an adult. You can join armed service at 18.
Liberal trash, anti-American publication. Can’t even address the Muslim terrorists that flowed into our nation under Obama. The gangsters from Mexico, Central America and South America. Also Muslim terrorists flow across northern border. What about young blacks killing each other in Chicago and Baltimore? Folio Weekly does not write about any of these problems. [It’s] become a tool for liberal propaganda. All white people should boycott Folio. You are white trash, young lady.
John “Jack” Bishop via email
EDITOR’S NOTE: There is no record of a Muslim who entered this country during the Obama Administration having committed a terrorist act.
LARSON LOVIN’
RE.: “The Tyranny of the Corn Field,” by Eric Mongar Sr., Feb. 14 LOVED ERIC M. MONGAR SR.’S PIECE ON GREG Larson. He was a strong sports journalist in the late ’70s and early ’80s. He called River Runners “skeleton heads,” a term many of us runners embraced. Accurate and insightful, Larson wrote colorful, accurate observations, not opinions. Refreshing.
Jay Birmingham via email
WELL, BLESS YOUR HEART
“Winning is Everything,” by A.G. Gancarski, Jan. 31 WELL, YEAH. FOR ADDED IMPACT SPRINKLE, IN SOME beloved local phrases. “No weapon forged against me will prosper.” “Let the people vote!” “Well, we don’t care how they do it in [better place].” “I wish those people wouldn’t cross the ditch.”
Jimmy Midyette via Twitter
THANKS, BIGLY
RE.: “Countering Covfefe,” by Shelton Hull, Feb. 21 IS TRAE CROWDER THE BEST Y’ALL HAVE?! HA, HA, HA. What a bunch of losers. But enjoy yourselves.
Robert Slate via email
_____________________________________ LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.
BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO MR. HANDYMAN OF JACKSONVILLE On Feb. 9, the locally owned business teamed up with Seamark Ranch—an 18-bed boys’ home—to make some much-needed repairs. It’s the third year the company has taken staff out to the ranch and allowed ranch staff to “deploy them where needed.” Kudos for helping give kids a safe and wellmaintained place to call home. BOUQUETS TO BRUNET-GARCÍA It’s no secret that the ad agency regularly puts its “body” where its beliefs are, and that commitment to the community and to excellence is being noticed. Three BG projects have won 2017 PRINT regional Design Awards; 100 Plates, addressing hunger in our region; Phase Eight Theatre Company’s identity, a regional theater dedicated to the idea of “local global” storytelling; and the accompanying Phase Eight poster series. BOUQUETS TO ALICIA SMITH It’s not easy cleaning up waterways and parks, but Alicia Smith stays focused and has made huge headway in the McCoys Creek Boulevard area of West Riverside. Sadly, the area is still a hotspot for illegal trash dumping. According to First Coast News, on Jan. 27, Smith discovered 20 bags of garbage dumped in the ditch and immediately reported it to the city. Ken Amaro reported on the problem Feb. 8, and on Feb. 9, the city “did what was right” and removed the potential flood-causing garbage dam. ______________________________________________________________
8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.
FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS IF YOU’RE A DEMOCRAT IN DUVAL COUNTY, ODDS ARE good that Aug. 28 is as real an election day for you as Nov. 6 will be. After all, you will very possibly be voting in a primary election. And if you’re not planning to vote in a primary election, you might rethink that. There are legitimate choices all over that August ballot: the U.S. House race between Alvin Brown and incumbent Tallahassee Democrat Al Lawson; the State Senate battle between Jacksonville City Councilman Reggie Brown and incumbent Audrey Gibson; and, rather unexpectedly, the State House clash between Roshanda Jackson, a former Kim Daniels district secretary, and incumbent Tracie Davis. Why is there so much action? Answer seems simple to some insiders. The theory: This is all natural, even expected, an attempt to fill the void left by Corrine Brown exiting the scene, her former machine now disassembled. Let’s break down the campaigns, as much as we can nearly six months from primary day.
He filed and, at this point, he still can hang out on the City Council through June—he has to bounce shortly before the qualifying deadline, though. We covered the parameters of this race before: Brown’s case is that Gibson isn’t bringing appropriations home and that, despite the scuttlebutt from those in Gibson’s orbit, he is NOT, in NO WAY, Mayor Lenny Curry’s candidate. And he is NOT running as some sort of backhanded revenge for Gibson coming out against the pension tax in 2016. This still feels like a suicide mission for Brown; Gibson, even as some insiders grouse that she’s lost a step, is nonetheless teed up to lead the Senate Democrats after November’s elections. Campaign finance reports will be of major interest going forward in this race. Gibson, who is a pragmatist in the Senate, will get her share of institutional money, and has more than $100K banked. Brown has never been a major fundraiser, and it remains to be seen if he will be here, or if he’ll rely on GOP-funded uncoordinated committees to send out hit pieces against Gibson.
BROWN VS. LAWSON: This one really should
DAVIS VS. JACKSON: Rep. Davis, a Gibson ally,
IDENTITY
CRISIS What do Duval DEMOCRATIC PRIMARIES mean?
be in Jurassic Park rather than Jacksonville west to Tallahassee, since it’s a clash between two DINOs. Alvin Brown cleaved to Rick Scott during his time in office, a dangerous game even for Republicans, never mind Democrats swept into office because Peter Rummell and crew couldn’t abide Mike Hogan. And Al Lawson? The only Congressional Dem from Florida to take NRA money. The only member of the Congressional Black Caucus to applaud Donald Trump during the State of the Union. So far, a version of recency bias has framed the narrative here; people seem to forget Alvin Brown’s refusal to embrace his party identification as mayor; the campaign thus far has been one of Brown serving up oppo reinforcing Lawson’s DINO-ness, and Lawson’s team failing to do much of anything to counter it. Brown, fortunately enough for him, has tailwinds. The ballot’s other two Democratic primary races should juice turnout from the Duval side of the district, which will need to turn out strong for him if he hopes to overcome Lawson’s advantage out west and whatever drag spoiler candidate Rontel Batie has on the Anybody But Lawson vote.
BROWN VS. GIBSON: So Reggie Brown is in the race, finally.
likewise faces a challenge—and it’s from an ex-aide of Kim Daniels’. Roshanda Jackson got into the race last month, saying that she wanted a “peaceful” campaign, and she didn’t intend to run against Davis so much as run for the seat. Does Tracie Davis, who has seen a lot as Deputy Supervisor of Elections, as candidate for the State House against wounded incumbent Reggie Fullwood, and as a state rep, buy that? Seriously doubtful. Jackson will be an interesting opponent for Davis, who takes fairly traditional Democratic positions. It’s tough to figure out why Jackson thinks Davis should be out of office. Some think Kim Daniels put her up to it. Kim Daniels vs. ???: There are rumors, meanwhile, that someone may run against Daniels. And why not? In just last year alone, Daniels got headlines for praying for Donald Trump, for ensuring that the Florida motto (“In God We Trust”) is displayed in Florida classrooms, for asserting that “prophets” saw Hurricane Irma coming, and for her “religious freedom in public schools” bill. Good stuff there! Not sure how it jibes with the Democratic agenda, though. People want someone to run against Daniels, but can she be defeated in her home district? Open question. But they all are, this far out.
A.G. Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com @aggancarski MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9
NEWS AAND NOTES: OVARY EDITION TOP HEADLINES FROM THE ASSOCIATION OF ALTERNATIVE NEWSMEDIA NO SURPRISES HERE
>
Though at least one of our *favorite* followers has called Folio Weekly out for lacking diversity because we have an allfemale editorial staff (yeah, we thought it would be our whiteness, too), it’s actually something in which we take a little bit of pride. Nothing against men in media, but there’s just so, so many lads in leadership positions that it’s kinda cool to be an outlier. Like other women around the country, the femmes of Folio have detected an uptick in misogyny and anti-woman rhetoric. In February 2017, Intelligence Report, monthly magazine of the Southern Poverty Law Center and an affiliate AAN member, published, “Woman Hatred, Fueled by Presidential Campaign, On the Rise.” The piece examined discourse of folks like then-White House Chief Strategic Steve Bannon, white nationalist Richard Spencer, “arch troll” Milo Yiannopoulos and others, along with some heinous assaults and other abuses of women by powerful men, such as Fox Business host Loud Reeds doxxing then-74-yearold Jessica Leeds, who has accused Trump of sexual assault, to reach this conclusion, “Misogyny, in other words, is making a comeback.” And how do we clap back? #MeToo
< FRONTWOMAN POWER
Two things immediately caught our eye in Fort Worth Weekly’s story about indie-jangle pop newcomers Ting Tang Tina: 1) The School of Rock is real!? and 2) Checkered Vans are always on trend. The quartet of high-schoolers comes across as humble, cool and, best of all, real. Singer-guitarist Ruby Lewis (whose dad is Toadies’ frontman Vaden Todd Lewis) told FWW, “The only thing that really restricts us from being equal to older bands is having to turn down shows on school nights.” She also spoke of music in terms that peg her as a real-deal musician. The Texas teens, who met at the aforementioned School of Rock, celebrated their first album release on March 3. FWW’s Patrick Higgins writes, “[T]he songs on Love Is Trippy speak directly to, and for, the inner teenager that’s never quite moved out of the mom’s basement of our hearts.” But don’t think the band, comprising Lewis, drummer Aiden Bumgardner, bassist Claire Marcho and guitarist Dillon Wilkins, is going all Big Time already. “We’re just teenagers having fun,” Lewis said. “We’re not prodigies. We just have a passion.”
< GAM-GAM AGAINST BIG GUNS
When you think of a woman The New York Times called “one of the first participants in what became a sprawling campaign to force corporate America to dissociate itself with the gun lobby,” you probably don’t imagine Minnesota’s Judith Pearson. City Pages interviewed the 73-year-old grandmother, lifelong gun owner and hunter who has more than a dozen weapons (in a locked safe, ’cause responsibilities), and former school principal who is, dare we say, an absolute pistol. Pearson reached her breaking point on the day of the Parkland shooting. CP writes that she took to Twitter, where she had about 20 followers, and fired a torrent of sensible, incensed, word-bullets at the NRA (she’s not a member), landing her and the hashtag, #BoycottNRA, in the NY Times. She told CP she’s sick of the NRA using identity politics and scare tactics to convince people that the big bad libs are coming for their guns. And she’s not alone, adding that many are sick of the NRA speaking for them. Pearson would rather quit than work in a school with armed teachers, and thinks the NRA and the politicians in its pocket use mental health as a red herring to distract from the real issue: guns. “These guns are weapons of war. They don’t belong in our streets,” she said of powerful assault weapons. “Go join the army if you’ve got to shoot these guns to feel like a man.”
< AWESOME AF
Proving once again that women’s comedic swagger is yuge, Atlanta’s all-female comedy troupe Critical Crop Top debuted its new show, “Feminine AF,” last weekend. Creative Loafing Atlanta reports that the show “focuses on social media and technological dependence as a form of escapism.” Which sounds, in a word, killer. So, hey, if you’re reading, Critical Crop Top: COME TO NORTHEAST FLORIDA. We laugh at what CLA calls “thought-provoking, socially conscious comedy with a sprinkling of pee-in-your-pants laughter via classic physical comedy, political satire, and even fart jokes,” TOO. 10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
THE GREAT JEA
HEIST Are Jacksonville powerbrokers giving the 123-year-old municipal utility the KISS OF DEATH?
T
he push to sell JEA began, at least officially, simply enough. At JEA’s November board meeting, member Tom Petway announced he was stepping down. In practically the same breath, he suggested that the time had come to consider privatizing the public utility. Within hours, the mayor’s office circulated a press release supporting the idea. From there, a series of events rapidly furthered the cause. JEA board chair G. Alan Howard ordered an incentive package for top employees, offering bonuses of up to twice their annual salary for staying in the event of a sale. Financial advisory firm Public Financial Management, a longtime advisor to the community-owned utility, was asked to analyze the potential transaction. PFM was also contracted by the city to solicit proposals from firms to serve as “financial advisor for strategic initiative opportunities,” which many believe refers to selling JEA, though Mayor Lenny Curry denies it. JEA CEO Paul McElroy also began talks to extend his contract, which included a severance package of up to twice his potential annual salary of $520,000 if he were to be fired after a sale.
Within a matter of weeks, it looked like selling JEA—the state’s largest municipal utility and the nation’s eighth-largest, according to Bloomberg—was a done deal. If the sale of JEA (full disclosure: my spouse is an employee) began cleanly, the issue was soon muddied by resistance from the community and City Council, many of whom felt blindsided and stunned by the speed at which privatization appeared to be progressing. At subsequent public meetings, many heated, about the sale, councilors remarked that “we know as much as [the public]” and encouraged media to continue its reporting on the issue. Several seemed troubled by recent events. Selling JEA has come up more than once, but never have things progressed so quickly. Since November, rumors have flown around City Hall and within other circles that the plan to sell JEA had been in place far longer than anyone is letting on. Some traced it back a few months, perhaps to last spring, when Petway stepped down as board chair; others felt sure it had begun years prior, perhaps in 2015 when Mayor Lenny Curry cleared out the board in response to a story in The Florida Times-Union. Though the mayor has consistently denied being involved in the privatization push, as scandal after scandal has ricocheted
s t o r y
b y
C L A I R E
around town, his reassurances and denials have done to little quell the rumors that he or his top donors are behind it. As Jacksonville teeters on what appears to be the brink of selling off its water, power and sewer services provider, in whole or in part, events of recent years take on new light. Over the last several years, JEA has paid down debt, made strides in operational efficiency, improved customer satisfaction and maintained rates in the lower range nationally, all sound business strategy—and all of which makes the utility more attractive to prospective buyers. The interconnected web of business, personal and political alliances of key figures involved lends support to those who believe the plan has long been in place. Are their many ties merely indicative of a small town that gets smaller the higher the income bracket and more interrelated the business functions? Or is a small group of power players working together to push the sale of the utility? It depends on where one stands on the issue. But no matter who you ask, everyone—from the mayor to the board to JEA executives and the “red shirts,” linemen who
CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>
G O F O R T H MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11
THE GREAT JEA
HEIST <<< FROM PREVIOUS have spoken out against the sale—agrees that the impetus for selling JEA is simple: Money.
OFF TO THE RACES THE SALE OF JEA IS SUBJECT TO APPROVAL OF ITS board, City Council and the mayor. No one has appeared more stunned by the lightningfast moves on the JEA privatization front than City Council. At a Feb. 6 meeting, Councilwoman Katrina Brown said, “We did not know what was going on. We found out just like you.” Though none have committed to vote for or against it, there is a common refrain among many: “Why the rush?” Initially, most voiced this and other concerns quietly. The pitch increased when Action News revealed in late January that 67 JEA executives had been offered incentive packages to stay in the event of a sale, making many question whether it was a done deal. The offer was subsequently rescinded in a letter dated Feb. 2, in which McElroy stated that the Office of General Counsel had deemed it “non-binding and unenforceable,” but this did little to tamper the alarm. The following week, Folio Weekly broke the news that JEA board chair Howard had ordered the incentive package, which seemingly conflicted with statements the mayor made on Feb. 1, that the board “didn’t know anything about [the offer].” (The mayor did not respond to our inquiries.) Howard disagrees, writing in a follow-up email, “I understand from media reports that the Mayor stated the Board of JEA was unaware of the retention offers. That was a true statement:
the Board had not met and discussed this and was similarly unaware of the retention offers being sent. I knew, but the Board is not one person; it is the group of directors.” JEA board rules prohibit its CEO from making budget transfers of more than $5 million without the approval of the entire board. They also prohibit the CEO from acting at the behest of individual board members, who are also not permitted to issue directives to JEA employees, or “to exercise individual authority over the organization except as explicitly set forth in board policies.” The incentives would have reportedly cost upwards of $15 million, a figure Howard, an attorney who practices in mergers and acquisitions, said he found surprising. City Hall was still reeling when a series of events eclipsed the incentive package scandal. Days after the release of PFM’s draft report analyzing selling JEA, McElroy asked City Council President Anna Brosche Lopez to call a special joint meeting of the JEA board and City Council for a presentation of the final report. She refused, writing, “I’m not going to be part of rushing it.” She also alleged that the mayor’s office had asked her to file emergency legislation to sell JEA, which he denies. Curry then called the meeting for Feb. 14. Little love was to be shared at City Hall on Valentine’s Day, however. The presentation of PFM’s report was, to most observers, a disaster. PFM’s Michael Mace presented the 26page report, “JEA’s Future Opportunities and Considerations,” relatively quickly. In it, PFM predicted that, after paying off liabilities, selling JEA, estimated to be worth between $7.5 and $11 billion, which it noted represents a “VERY wide” range, would earn $2.9-$6.4 billion for the city. PFM cited the effect of emerging renewables and increased efficiency on future revenues, and the top dollar that recent municipal utilities have fetched on the market, as reasons to sell. It did acknowledge
The JEA sale saga has started to take on a familiar pattern: A scandal erupts which seemingly implicates the mayor’s office in a secret plan to help push the sale, the mayor denies it in the strongest terms, rinse and repeat. 12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
the loss of local control and other factors that may influence some to vote against the sale, but seemed to come out in favor of selling JEA. “Current market conditions are better than they have been throughout most of the time that JEA has been in existence,” it states, implying that the city could miss out on an opportunity to get top dollar out of its utility. But there are flaws in PFM’s logic. For instance, if JEA is at its peak value, why would a private entity with access to billions and its own financial advisors be interested in buying? Further, given Florida Public Service Commission rules, whoever buys JEA will be permitted to recover their costs from ratepayers—regardless of when. Unsurprisingly, the report did not seem to change any minds. After the presentation, City Council pummeled Mace, McElroy and Howard with questions. One likened commissioning the $100,000-report without consulting them to putting the cart before the horse; another compared it to soliciting bids for your home when you haven’t decided whether you’re interested in selling. (Before a sale of 10 percent or more of JEA assets may proceed, a supermajority [13 of 19] of City Council must approve.) Several seemed to doubt PFM’s numbers. More than one councilor questioned the timing of the drive to sell, and whether there was a secret offer on the table. Both McElroy and Howard denied any talk of a sale prior to November 2017. But in response to a question from Councilman Tommy Hazouri, McElroy said, “We have been watching the capital equity market for 18 months … this is a very different time.” He also said, “There’s a lot of interest because it’s a valuable asset in a growing economy.” Minutes later, he seemed to contradict himself, “We have not received any offers to buy the utility.” Both McElroy and Howard apologized for their actions concerning the sale. McElroy conceded that they “may not have the sequencing right,” and Howard said, “If the cart’s before the horse, that’s on me.” Councilman Garrett Dennis, who has accused the mayor’s office of pressuring him to go along with the sale, was particularly critical of JEA’s board chair. Near the end of the meeting, he told Howard, “I don’t have confidence in your leadership as chair of the board.” (At its subsequent meeting, the board had nothing but kind words for their leader.) News that broke the week after PFM’s presentation brought the JEA sale back onto the front page. Many were surprised to learn that, in December, the city’s finance department hired PFM to solicit bids for a “financial advisor for strategic initiative opportunities … relating to the market analysis, opportunity review, planning, solicitation, evaluation, negotiation, and award of potential alternative delivery of existing or new projects or services which are similar [but not limited] to public private partnerships or the lease, sale, and/or disposition of City assets.” (Emphasis added.) In a letter written at Brosche’s request, the city auditor (who answers to City Council) called this procedure for soliciting bids outside of the procurement department “unusual.” The mayor’s office denies the offer had anything to do with privatizing JEA, but the T-U’s Nate Monroe noted on Twitter that one of the firms that responded referenced its standing as a “Power & Utilities M&A franchise with a history of landmark transactions in the space.” M&A is a common abbreviation for ‘mergers and acquisitions.’ In addition to working for the city, PFM, the nation’s largest financial and investment advisor in the public and nonprofit sectors, is nearing the end of an 11-year (five years
initially, with two three-year extensions), maximum $4.25 million contract to provide JEA with financial advisory services. So PFM has essentially helped JEA become more attractive to buyers, and may now be facilitating the sale of the utility through a contract with the city.
WHO’S DRIVING THE BUS? THE QUESTION ON MANY MINDS IS, ‘WHO IS REALLY behind selling JEA?’ Theories vary, with some buying into the assertion that the pressure to sell resulted from more favorable market conditions, others that a small group of business interests is pushing for the sale in the hopes of benefiting from what many anticipate will be a flurry of city contracts. Jacksonville leadership has long catered to the powerful business community; whenever the city has money to spend, this group often benefits in
the form of city contracts, which often balloon to cost far more than originally promised. The connections between key players are too numerous to mention, but it does bear mention that, according to the Florida Division of Corporations, since at least 2005, Howard either has been or is listed as the registered agent for six companies Petway and family are directors/ offices of, three of which remain active. Councilman John Crescimbeni conceded that this is not necessarily improper—but said he might not have appointed them to the JEA board at the same time. Although the mayor’s office has continuously denied being involved in the push to privatize, and repeatedly stated that Curry has not made up his mind, many remain unconvinced. The fact that it was Curry’s biggest donor who officially set all of this into motion has done much to fuel the speculation;
according to the Florida Division of Elections, since Curry became mayor in 2015, Petway, members of his family and his company, U.S. Assure, have made donations totaling at least $195,000 to his political action committee, Build Something That Lasts, most recently on Dec. 21, when U.S. Assure donated $35,000, for a total of at least $85,000—$50,000 from the company and $35,000 from Petway and family—in donations for 2017. FW has learned that Curry’s Chief of Staff Brian Hughes was in frequent communication with JEA Chief Financial Officer Melissa Dykes in the weeks leading up to the release of PFM’s report on the sale. According to phone records obtained via records requests, Dykes and Hughes, who served as a consultant on Curry’s mayoral campaign and has been a frequent
CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13
THE GREAT JEA
HEIST <<< FROM PREVIOUS
14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
fixture by the mayor’s side throughout his term, figuratively and literally, called one another 14 times from Jan. 2, the day Hughes became chief of staff, to Feb. 8; speaking or leaving voicemails 11 times. Via a JEA spokesperson, Dykes said in an email that on Feb. 6 and 7, they discussed “JEA electric rates for economic development,” “an all-employee communication providing an update on the public discussion of a possible JEA sale process and listing EAP resources if needed,” and Hughes informed her that “he believed legal would finish their review of a public records request for the draft report and whether anything in that report was protected or needed to be redacted.” They also discussed in that conversation sending the draft report “to all stakeholders if legal concluded it was not protected.” On Feb. 3, Hughes texted Dykes, asking to meet to “discuss the intersection of progress and org morale.” Via text, Dykes agreed to a breakfast meeting on Feb. 7. (PFM’s draft report was released on Feb. 7.) FW asked Dykes to elaborate on the additional conversations we learned of after receiving her explanation of the three Feb. 6 and 7 conversations. We posed additional questions for McElroy and Mike Brost, general manager of electric systems, concerning some operational decisions, costs, electric outages that occurred on Jan. 1, 2018, which First Coast News reported affected more than 22,000 customers, the decision to close St. Johns River Power Park and what, if any, effect such has and will have on its energy supply. The utility refused to answer any of our questions, writing, “JEA is not in a position to participate in interviews regarding privatization at this point.” FW also asked Hughes what he had discussed with Dykes. He did not respond. Although Curry has repeatedly said he isn’t behind the sale, and that he hasn’t even made his mind up about whether to sell JEA, the saga has started to take on a familiar pattern: A scandal erupts which seemingly implicates the mayor’s office in a secret plan to help push the sale, the mayor denies it in the strongest terms, rinse and repeat. Meanwhile, citizens are receiving marketing calls from someone claiming that JEA has been mismanaged for years, City Hall is plagued with distrust and
rumor, JEA employees are fearful of losing their livelihoods and future security and citizens and businesses are concerned about this may affect their lives and the city. Attempting to quiet the rumblings, last week the mayor reached out to the union that represents line workers, whose red shirts and “JEA is not for sale” signs have been fixtures at city meetings lately, to discuss the potential sale. The mayor says he plans to meet with all stakeholders, the T-U reports. He continues to deny being behind privatization.
WHAT IS IT WORTH? PFM BELIEVES THAT, AFTER PAYING OFF LIABILITIES, JEA would fetch between $2.9 and $6 billion on the open market. Those who support the sale have been busy licking their chops over this tasty barrel of pork. Those against worry about the uncertainty of such a wide range, particularly as it is extremely unlikely, if not impossible, that the entire utility would be acquired by a single entity, likely reducing the price. Recalling past examples of the city mismanaging funds, some worry that the money would be gone in a few years, most of it consumed by a few large projects, leaving the city with no JEA cash cow. All told, this year, JEA will contribute roughly $240 million—or nearly 20 percent—of the city’s $1.2 billion budget. JEA’s annual contribution to the city is $115 million this year. It also contributes a franchise fee of 3 percent, roughly $40 million for fiscal year 2018; and public-service taxes of approximately $90 million, according to PFM. If it were sold, the public service tax would remain the same, and the city would lose the annual contribution, which would be offset to an unknown degree with property taxes (as a public asset, JEA doesn’t pay property taxes), and a franchise fee. PFM says cities charge investor-owned utilities up to 6 percent for franchise fees. In other words, there are a lot of unknowns associated with how privatization would affect the city’s bottom line. PFM concedes that Jacksonville would need a comprehensive analysis to determine the impact, but concludes this section of the report optimistically, writing, “It should be possible to ‘immunize’ local government finance against adverse impacts from selling JEA if the proper conditions are imposed on potential buyers.” It is undeniable that JEA has experienced ups and downs in public opinion over the years.
CONTINUED ON PG. 16 >>>
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15
THE GREAT JEA
HEIST <<< FROM PREVIOUS
Bonuses nearly always prove controversial (disclosure: my spouse has received bonuses). Rate hikes particularly so. The Hurricane Matthew restoration effort was seen by some— including the mayor, who was the most vocal— as mismanaged; the following year’s response to Hurricane Irma was a substantial improvement on that front, as it performed better than many for-profit utilities around the state. Even as the T-U editorial board, one of the biggest cheerleaders for the sale, urges people to think about the money and not to be nostalgic about the public utility that has served the city for over a century, many who oppose the sale have referenced the utility’s history and connection to the community as almost secondary to its value. Today, public opinion of JEA is high. It hasn’t raised rates in years. Last fall, many felt a sense of civic pride when JEA crews went to Puerto Rico to help the island recover from Hurricane Maria. Last summer, JEA celebrated the 1968 Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph “The Kiss of Life,” in which a line worker, dangling from a utility pole, is being given mouthto-mouth resuscitation by another utility worker. (The worker survived.) On July 17, the 50th anniversary of that photo, the mayor issued a proclamation expressing “our deep appreciation to JEA and all employees past and present for their continued commitment to safety and reliable service to our community.”
READY TO SELL?
16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
PRIOR TO BEING SOLD, PARTICULARLY A LARGE, complicated transaction such as this, which PFM says, “would likely represent the largest and most complex municipal privatization in the United States,” JEA would likely need to prepare itself, such as by reducing liabilities, getting the books in order, improving public perception and otherwise making it more attractive to potential buyers. In recent years, JEA has taken many actions that could be viewed as preparing for just such a transaction—it could also just be smart business. But one decision sticks out for some: the closing of the St. Johns River Power Park. The coal-fired, 1,252-megawatt plant was built in the 1980s, after the 1970s fuel crisis—and resulting rate hikes—exposed utilities to the vulnerability of too heavily relying on one fuel. Last year, Florida Power & Light, which owned 20 percent of SJRPP and had a power purchase agreement for an additional 30 percent of the plant’s output, approached JEA with a $135 million offer to buy out its contract, close and demolish the plant. The board voted in favor; by the end of the year, SJRPP was closed. Speaking on condition of anonymity, a JEA employee who works in power generation said, “[I] asked group of managers/electric engineers, ‘Do you think the closure of SJ was a good idea?’ and [one] said and the others agreed that the only people who thought it was a good idea were the people who made the decision.” Howard defended the decision, telling FW in an email, “The decision to close SJRPP was purely economical and was unquestionably in the best interest of JEA and its ratepayers.” He denied that it had anything to do with privatization. Closing SJRPP also contributed to what another JEA employee, speaking on condition of anonymity, said were the “first rolling
brown-outs” he’d seen in nearly 20 years with the utility. (When JEA doesn’t have the capacity to supply customers with power, such as during times of increased demand, it has three choices: rolling brownouts, blackouts or buying power on the open market, which is typically much costlier.) On Jan. 1, temperatures dipped extremely low; when some back-up generators also failed, he said they had to rapidly shed load by turning customers’ power off for short intervals. It is possible that this wasn’t the last time JEA will struggle to keep up with demand. According to JEA’s annual disclosure report submitted to the Municipal Services Rulemaking Board, last winter, its surplus capacity was 497 megawatts; last summer, it was 351 megawatts. This winter, when thousands had their power cut off during the Jan. 1 cold snap, it had 149 megawatts of surplus capacity. This summer it has seven megawatts of surplus capacity. JEA refused to answer questions about the closing of SJRPP and the effect it had on its capacity. Closing the coal-fired plant also decreased the diversity of JEA’s fuel portfolio, making it more heavily reliant on cheaper natural gas, the price of which has decreased in recent years thanks to fracking. JEA and its customers are now more tied to the price of natural gas, further exacerbated by the fact that natural gas, unlike coal, cannot be stockpiled. So why close SJRPP? Simple, said both JEA employees: Private utilities hate coal. Not as much because of the environment impact, as the bottom line. Coal plants eat up operations and maintenance costs, which the Public Service Commission prohibits private utilities from passing along to their customers. They can pass along fuel costs, however. They can also pass along the costs of not only building new power plants, but can charge customers more than their costs and make a guaranteed profit on building a plant, which, based on JEA’s current power supply and projections of rising demand in coming years, may be necessary in the future, a fact which could make it more attractive to buyers.
WHAT’S NEXT? THOUGH CITY COUNCIL INITIALLY SEEMED TO grapple with how to proceed, in recent weeks, several have maneuvered to slow down the process and engage the public. Brosche has established a committee to examine the sale. (She has also established a committee to examine transparency in city government, which many believe is lacking.) Crescimbeni has filed two pieces of legislation, one to amend the city charter to require a voter referendum on selling JEA, the other to conduct a straw poll of voters on the subject. Others have taken their concerns to the press and community stakeholders. Meanwhile, many remain convinced that this is being driven by the mayor and those of his benefactors who stand to benefit from the city having access to a large pool of cash to subsidize projects such as the Shipyards, The District, the Laura Street Trio, the St. Johns River dredging, etc., which Curry denies. Even those who are willing to consider selling have taken issue with the city selling its water, power and sewer provider, or some combination thereof, either for the wrong reasons or in the wrong manner. Former Jacksonville Mayor Jake Godbold wrote in an op-ed for the T-U, “There is no reason selling the JEA should not be examined once again. But it is absolutely imperative that any study be deliberate, dispassionate and thorough, not rushed or hurried simply because the mayor and some [of] his wealthy backers want it done that way.”
Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com
Brett’s Waterway Café
Moon River Pizza
Overlooking Fernandina Harbor Marina, Brett’s offers an upscale atmosphere with outstanding food. The extensive luncheon and dinner menus feature daily specials, fresh Florida seafood, chicken and aged beef. Cocktails, beer and wine. Casual resort wear. Open at 11:30 a.m. daily.
Moon River Pizza treats customers like family. Cooked in a brick oven, the pizza is custommade by the slice (or, of course, by the pie). Set up like an Atlanta-style pizza joint, Moon River also offers an eclectic selection of wine and beer. Open for lunch and dinner Mon.-Sat. Dine in or take it with you.
925 S. 14th Street 904-321-3400
Fernandina Harbor Marina at the foot of Centre Street 904-261-2660
The Mustard Seed Cafe 833 T.J. Courson Road 904-277-3141
T-Ray’s Burger Station
Inside Nassau Health Foods, The Mustard Seed is Amelia Island’s only organic eatery and juice bar, with an extensive, eclectic menu featuring vegetarian and vegan items. Daily specials include local seafood, free-range chicken and fresh organic produce. Salads, wraps, sandwiches and soups are available – all prepared with our staff’s impeccable style. Popular items are chicken or veggie quesadillas, grilled mahi, or salmon over mixed greens and tuna melt with Swiss cheese and tomato. Open for breakfast and lunch, 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon.-Sat. nassauhealthfoods.net
202 S. Eighth Street 904-261-6310
T-Ray’s offers a variety of breakfast and lunch items. In addition to an outstanding breakfast menu, you’ll find some of the best burgers you’ve ever put in your mouth. The Burger Station offers a grilled portabello mushroom burger, grilled or fried chicken salad and much more. The spot where locals grab a bite and go! Now serving beer & wine. Open Mon.-Fri. 7 a.m.-2:30 p.m., Sat. 8 a.m.-1 p.m. Closed Sundays.
The Pointe Restaurant 98 S. Fletcher Avenue 904-277-4851
The Pointe, located at Elizabeth Pointe Lodge, is open to the public daily from 7 a.m.–10 a.m. for breakfast and 11:30 a.m.–2 p.m. for lunch. Sunday brunch is served one Sunday each month from 11 a.m.–1:30 p.m. Oceanview indoor and outdoor seating is available. Please call the Inn to reserve a table or to enquire further about the restaurant.
Amelia Island is 13 miles of unspoiled beaches, quaint shops, antique treasures and superb dining in a 50-block historic district less than one hour north of Jacksonville MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17
FOLIO A + E
B
etween the two of them, Steve Martin and Martin Short have amassed a staggering body of work: thousands of film and TV credits, hundreds of standup specials, screenplays, novels, memoirs, children’s books, Broadway musicals, Tonys, Oscars, Grammys, Emmys and everything in between. But it’s their latest venture that both men find most fulfilling: a joint performance titled An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life that’s equal parts variety show, bluegrass revue and love letter to their first on-screen ballet in the 1986 movie ¡Three Amigos! Folio Weekly laughed our butt off while chatting with the two Martins. Folio Weekly: You guys were just in Florida in January. What made you comee back so quickly? Steve Martin: When our agent things say Florida, I say, “We love it there!” The audiences have been very responsive, and we feed off a good audience. Martin Short: The weather’s very nice—I don’t know if you’ve noticed that. But also, Florida has some of the greatest audiencess ever. And I have no idea why. S.M.: In the early ’70s, I used to play the Club Down Under and the Beef & Bottle in Tallahassee. I remember going on there as an up-and-coming comedian, and I heard a couple of frat guys in the front row whisper to each other, “Let’s get this guy.” All I did was stare at ’em through the whole show. And they relented.
Got Talent has puppeteers, singers and jugglers. American Idol is a variety show. The Tonight Show is a variety show. The reality is, Steve and I have a lot of varied interests as storytellers, musicians, monologists. When you put it under one umbrella and add the brilliance of [our musical accompaniment] Steep Canyon Rangers and Jeff Babko, you’ve got a variety of talent. S.M.: I have no interest in doing a variety show. It just turned out that way when we started mixing and matching what Marty does best—or did best—and what I do best. M.S.: What Steve does OK. Your rapport is famous—some people say this show is almost like a joint roas ro astt, tthough houg ho ughh yo your ur bbrand rand ra nd ooff hu humo morr roast, humor
FILM Triggered Ladies ARTS The Great Satan MUSIC Barley's Celtic Bands LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR
seems far more high-minded than the roast format. S.M.: I find them too harsh. We don’t really roast each other—we kid each other, which is exactly what we do in real life. M.S.: And, by the way, what most close friends do in real life. But I agree with you—those roasts can be brutal. S.M.: They can actually hurt people. Steve, you said when you started touring with the Steep Canyon Rangers, you were hesitant to include comedy in the show. What brought you around? S.M.: Before I started touring with the band, a friend of mine said, “Look, Steve, if you go out there and you don’t do comedy, the audi au dien ence ce is go going to be very disappointed.” audience Fro om the start, I put comedy From iin.. The people weren’t there in ttoo hear my banjo skills. When I tthink hink about it, we did pretty well. A comedian fronting we a bl lue u grass band—who’s bluegrass iinterested in tere te resttedd iinn th hat at?? that?
FUNNY,
SQUARED
You two have set a tall bar for yourselves with An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life title. S.M.: We actually hope that the audience leaves saying, “That was the funniest show I ever saw.” That’s our aim. One of the secrets is to have a lot of fun. I think the audience enjoys it when they know we’re actually enjoying ourselves. Is the performance an update of the variety show, which originated in the mid-20th century when you two were growing up? M.S.: I don’t think it’s that thought-out. I never really thought that variety ever left television—it just changed its name. America’s 18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
PG. 20 PG. 27 PG. 28 PG. 29
M.S.: Oh, I love it. Whenever I hear Steve playing banjo, I think the police are chasing me. S.M.: Marty loves my banjo so much that when I start playing, he sits in a chair, rolls his head back and starts snoring. Do you all dabble in the older material you’re so famous for? S.M.: We don’t revisit old characters. We have a little montage at the beginning that takes care of all of that. Everything else, with the exception of one or two moments, is new. Has the process of writing new material changed much as you’ve gotten older? M.S.: We’re fortunate because we have sim similar comedy tastes. It’s rare to find a jok joke that Steve would find hysterical and I wo wouldn’t. That’s beneficial. The current state of American politics is ripe for satirical comedy. Do you all go there? S.M S.M.: We steer clear of politics and social com commentary, except for one 10-minute sec se section of our show, which is actually one of tthe highlights. We don’t take sides, tthough—we hoo just pick on vulnerable people. LLast ass week, you all announced a joint NNetflix e special from the An Evening You Wi i Forget for the Rest of Your Life tour. Will Pe Perhaps next we’ll see one of those “day in the life” series that have become all the rage on Netflix and HBO? S.M.: That’s too much of a time commitment for us. Right now, we just work three or four days a month. M.S.: And that’s plenty!
Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com
Steve Martin and Martin Short mine 50 YEARS of laughs for An Evening You Will Forget for the Rest of Your Life
STEVE MARTIN & MARTIN SHORT, STEEP CANYON RANGERS, JEFF BABKO
8 p.m. March 9, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, Downtown, 633-6110, $71-$196, timesunioncenter.com
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19
FOLIO OA A+E E : MAGIC LA LANTERNS
TRIGGERED
LADIES
Reflecting on action flicks starring THE FAIRER SEX
F
20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
ollowing on the heels of testosteronedriven John Wick flicks, the ladies have recently taken to flexing their muscles and trigger fingers as well, most notably in Atomic Blonde with Charlize Theron and Proud Mary with Taraji P. Henson. Theron and Henson prove that trained assassins (the Feds or the mob) aren’t limited to those with Y chromosomes. If you don’t mind subtitles, 2017’s South Korean film The Villainess features sword-wielding, gun-toting Sook-hee, who puts her American sisters to shame as far as body counts. These aren’t the only examples of female action heroes, though most have been limited to Super Heroine types, like Wonder Woman and Black Widow, or to sci-fi and video games (Sigourney Weaver’s Ripley in the Alien films, Milla Jovovich in the Resident Evil franchise and Kate Becksinale in Underworld and Tomb Raider). Then there are the (understandably) vengeful chick flicks like I Spit on Your Grave, Ms. 45 and the Kill Bill trio. Two rather atypical “killer chick” flicks were 1974’s Foxy Brown with Pam Grier, the first African-American female badass, and Haywire (’11) with MMA star Gina Carano kicking asses, another unexpected genrebender by director Steven Soderbergh, who thrives on being unpredictable. At this year’s Sundance, he said that from now on, he wants to shoot movies only on iPhones, like his upcoming Unsane, dubbed a “horror thriller” with a leading heroine. I revisited the hi-def release of one of the earliest and best precursors to the new breed, a movie consciously referenced in The Villainess. Debuting almost 30 years ago, La Femme Nikita (Nikita in its native France) promptly spawned a pointless American remake, dully called Point of No Return (with Bridget Fonda), and a popular Canadian TV series, also called La Femme Nikita, which ran for five seasons between ’97-’01. Though French critics first dismissed the original ’90 action-thriller, it was a popular international hit, making lead Anne Parillaud and writer/director Luc Besson stars. Since Nikita, only his second film, Besson has made a considerable impact in contemporary film with more than 60 projects to his credit in several capacities—writer, producer and/or director. He’s always had a penchant for over-the-top fantasy and sci-fi, like The Fifth Element, but Besson also helmed popular action thrillers, as writer-director on Leon: The Professional, which helped make Natalie Portman a star, and as writer on the Taken series. And let’s not overlook The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc (’99) with Milla Jovovich as the warrior saint. La Femme Nikita remains one of his best
and, compared to the fantasy ultra-violence of Atomic Blonde, Proud Mary and The Villainess, a credible female action film, its closest competition is Soderbergh’s Haywire. La Femme Nikita opens with a brutal shoot-out between cops and four junkies. The only surviving junkie is Nikita (Parillaud), a strung-out 19-year-old girl who, in the sequence’s final moments, surprises a young policeman with a bullet to the head. Without an apparent conscience or any remorse, she’s promptly remanded to a secret government organization to be trained as an operative. Her sponsor Bob (Tchéky Karyo), quite a ruthless guy himself, is convinced he can make her into a valuable asset. So does his associate Amande (the great Jeanne Moreau). Nikita turns from rebellion and truculence to serious commitment when she learns the alternative is her execution. After extensive training, she’s released into society as a kind of sleeper agent. Nikita finds a new life and love with Marco (Jean-Hugues Anglade), but it gets increasingly compromised due to her side-job as government assassin, the duties of which she grows to despise. Everything comes to a head when a botched assignment introduces an absolutely ruthless fixer, Victor (Jean Reno), called in to clean up. Anne Parillaud’s stunning performance conveys a character with real depth and vulnerability, quite different from her successors of women assassins. Besson’s script and direction exhibit unusual restraint, letting the film be a serious drama as well as an exciting thriller. As a result, La Femme Nikita is quite a superior achievement compared to its many imitators.
Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com
NOW SHOWING CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Oscar-nominated animated & live action shorts and Molly’s Game screen. Throwback Thursday is Henry VII & His Six Wives noon March 8, 4 p.m. March 11. Shore Stories, six shorts about the oil drilling resistance movement, is 7 p.m. March 8. Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool and In the Fade start March 9. French film Marius is noon March 10. 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 697-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com. IMAX THEATER Black Panther, Amazon Adventure, Extreme Weather, Amazing Mighty Micro Monsters and Dream Big screen. A Wrinkle in Time starts March 8. Tomb Raider starts March 15. St. Augustine, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com. SUN-RAY CINEMA Annihilation and Black Panther screen. Shore Stories runs 7 p.m. March 7. A Wrinkle in Time starts March 9. Everything is Terrible! In Jacksonville! March 14. Check website for details. 1028 Park St., 359-0049, sunraycinema.com.
ARTS + EVENTS PERFORMANCE
EMANCIPATION MAJIGEEN An original musical drama by playwright Jennifer Chase that honors Anna Kingsley of the Kingsley Plantation here on the First Coast. Before she was a Kingsley, she was Anta Majigeen Njaay of Senegal. It runs 8 p.m. March 8, 9, 10, 15 & 16 and 11 a.m. March 15 at FSCJ Kent Campus (Rm. F128), 3939 Roosevelt Blvd., $25 adult, $10 child, fscjartistseries.org. FLY BY NIGHT In this darkly comic fable, two entrancing sisters intersect a melancholy sandwich-maker’s humdrum life. The tale is told 8 p.m. March 8-10, 15-17 and 2 p.m. March 11 at Amelia Community Theatre’s Studio 209, 209 Cedar St., Fernandina, 261-6749, adults $20; students $15, ameliacommunitytheatre.org. JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY CIVIC ORCHESTRA Talented community members perform a concert featuring the Eighth Symphonies of both Antonín Dvo ák and Franz Schubert, with the Jacksonville Symphony, 5 p.m. March 11 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, jaxsymphony.org. MAN OF LA MANCHA “One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world was better for this,” said Don Quixote. Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre weaves this play within a play (based on famous novel The Ingenious Nobleman Sir Quixote of La Mancha) 8 p.m. March 9, 10, 16, 17, 23 & 24 and 2 p.m. March 18 & 25 at Grage Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., $20, abettheatre.com. AN EVENING YOU WILL FORGET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE Steve Martin, Martin Short, The Steep Canyon Rangers and Jeff Babko do standup, show film clips, sing songs and talk about their lives, 8 p.m. March 9 at Times-Union Center’s Moran Theater, Downtown, $89-$227, fscjartistseries.org. NUNSENSE Accidental poisoning and a variety show; what could be more fun? Oh, yeah: religion. The good sisters yuk it up, 7:30 p.m. March 9, 10, 15-17 and 2:30 p.m. March 11 & 18 at Amelia Musical Playhouse, 1955 Island Walkway, Fernandina Beach, 277-3455, $20 adults, $15 students, ameliamusicalplayhouse.com. TAINA NORELL Drag performer Norell turns it on and keeps the spot giggling, 9 p.m. March 9 & 10 at Metro Entertainment Complex, 859 Willow Branch Ave., Riverside, $7, metrojax.com. THE WIZARD OF OZ “Poppies … poppies.” Need we say more? The incantations start 2 & 7 p.m. March 10 at Thrasher-Horne Center, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, $49, thcenter.org. MOTOWN THE MUSICAL The story behind the hits: Diana, Berry and Smokey beat the odds to create the soundtrack of change in America. 8 p.m. March 10, 1:30 p.m. March 11 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, $38-$89, fscjartistseries.org. SUPER SCIENTIFIC CIRCUS Circus skills, magic tricks, comedy and mime illustrate fundamental scientific concepts such as the center of gravity, air pressure, the speed of sound and light, ultraviolet light, centripetal force, airfoils and more, 2 p.m. March 11, 10 a.m. & 2 p.m. March 12 at FSCJ’s Nathan H. Wilson Center for the Arts, 11901 Beach Blvd., Southside, $9-$16, fscjartistseries.org. WOLF HALL One feels sympathy and fascination for socialclimbing secretary, reformer and “blacksmith’s boy” Thomas Cromwell, Henry VIII’s chief minister. The tale has been described as opening like “House of Cards” and ending like “Game of Thrones.” 7:30 p.m. March 8 & 15; 8 p.m. March 9, 10, 16 & 17; 2 p.m. March 11 & 18 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., $25 general, $21 students/seniors/ military, theatrejax.com. THE GREAT AMERICAN TRAILER PARK MUSICAL When Pippi, a stripper on the run, comes between the ‘Dr. Phil’-loving, agoraphobic Jeannie and her tollbooth-collector husband, storms begin to brew. Thur.-Sun. through March 24 at Players by the Sea, 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $28, $25 students/seniors/military, playersbythesea.org. LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS Because no one can ever get enough of Audrey II, or so it seems, the show runs 7:50 p.m. Tue.-Sun., 1:15 p.m. Sat. and 1:50 p.m. Sun. through March 25 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, $38-$59, alhambrajax.com. VELVET CARAVAN Acoustic-based quintet plays ‘gypsy jazz,’ 8 p.m. March 10 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, $25, 807-2010. AMATEUR NIGHT Musicians, singers, comedians and poets are in Puttin’ on the Ritz, an audience-judged competition, 7:30 p.m. every first Friday at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, Downtown, $9, 807-2010.
CLASSICAL + JAZZ
GREAT GUITAR GATHERING The Los Angeles Guitar Quartet headlines the fundraiser for the guitar department of Douglas Anderson School of the Arts, 7:30 p.m. March 8 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, $25-$35, floridatheatre.com. CELTIC MUSIC FEST The eighth annual celebration of Celtic heritage in the Oldest City has been called the “finest Celtic music festival in the world.” Performers include Albannach, Emmet Cahill, Dublin City Ramblers, Emish, Enter the Haggis, House of Hamill, Rathkeltair, Seven Nations and The Steel City Rovers. The whole thing kicks off with a St. Patrick’s Day Parade, 10 a.m. March 10, and goes (with necessary stops for food, rest, whiskey tasting and
rejuvenation) through 7 p.m. March 11 at Francis Field, St. Augustine, $10-$75 (VIP), celticstaugustine.com. OPERA CHORUSES, BROADWAY FARE & FILM MUSIC The St. Augustine Community Chorus, Mike Sanflippo directing, performs operatics and pieces from Oklahoma, The Sound of Music, Wicked and Into the Woods, and more, 7:30 p.m. March 10 & 3 p.m. March 11 at Ancient City Baptist Church, 27 Sevilla St., 316-4354, $15 advance, $20 door, $5 students/military with ID, staugustinecommunitychorus.org. SYMPHONIC HIP HOP & WYCLEF JEAN Over his long career, the multiple-Grammy-winning artist has blended the lines of hip hop with other styles; for the first time, the “hip hop guitarist” performs live with a full symphony orchestra; 8 p.m. March 10 at Daily’s Place, Downtown, $49-$109, jaxsymphony.org. THE IRISH ROVERS These international ambassadors of Irish music, best known for “Danny Boy,” “The Unicorn,” “Years May Come, Years May Go,” and “The Irish Rover,” perform 7 p.m. March 11 at The Florida Theatre, Downtown, $25-$45, floridatheatre.com. MOSES MO The self-identified “funk artist” performs his rhythm-focused music (with hint of electric-jam-band-ness) 7 p.m. March 12 at Beaches Museum Chapel, 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, $25 advance, $30 day of, beachesmuseum.org. CELTIC WOMAN A celebration of Ireland’s rich musical and cultural heritage with some of Ireland’s most talented singers and musicians, 7:30 p.m. March 13 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, $56-$146, fscjartistseries.org. THE UNITED STATES ARMY FIELD BAND From Boston to Baghdad, Tampa to Toronto, they’ve been thrilling audiences for more than 60 years. Get your thrills 7:30 p.m. March 14 at The Florida Theatre, free but registration required, floridatheatre.com. MOZART AND FRIENDS Ballet music from Mozart, Idomeneo, Rè di Creta, K.366; Tchaikovsky’s gorgeous, dance-imbued Serenade in C for Strings, Op. 48; Debussy’s Prelude to The Afternoon of a Faun and Symphony No. 39 in E-flat major, K.543 by Mozart are performed, 8 p.m. March 16 & 17 at the T-U Center, Downtown, $19-$86, jaxsymphony.org. JONAH SOFA JAZZ SESSIONS Jazz sessions hosted by John Lumpkin & the Covenant, 7:30 p.m. March 8 at The Local, 4578 San Jose Blvd., 683-8063, thelocaljax.com. DOVER QUARTET The group, which rose to fame after sweeping the 2013 Banff International String Quartet Competition, performs warm, incisive music 5 p.m. March 18 at Historic Nassau County Courthouse, 416 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, $55, ameliaislandchambermusicfestival.com. MATTHEW HALL The pianist performs every Thur., Fri. & Sat. at Corner Bistro/Glass Hat Piano Bar & Grill, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., Southside, 619-1931.
COMEDY
BIANCA DEL RIO Called “The Joan Rivers of the Drag World,” this season 6 winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race is a selfprofessed “clown in a gown” with a razor-sharp tongue. She’s on 7 p.m. March 10 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $46, pvconcerthall.com. THE TENDERLOINS The “Santiago Sent Us” Tour, with Joe Gatto, James Murray, Brian Quinn and Sal Vulcano, 6 p.m. March 11 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $59-$79, pvconcerthall.com. TIGHT MIKE Here’s hoping you live up to your name, Mr. Mike, and your jokes are, indeed, tight. The comic is on 8 p.m. March 8 at The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $17-$150, jacksonvillecomedy.com. STEVEN MICHAEL QUEZADA Of Breaking Bad, Beerfest, Wildfire and In Plain Sight renown (plus comedy tours), the funny man takes the stage 8 p.m. March 9 and 7:30 & 10 p.m. March 10 at The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, $20-$150, jacksonvillecomedy.com. DC CURRY Everybody’s favorite “uncle” (Elroy) performs 7:30 p.m. March 8-10; 9:45 p.m. March 9 & 10 at The Comedy Zone, 3103 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $20-$114.50, comedyzone.com. KIER WITH MELISSA SHIVER Kier performs musical comedy impersonations that get folks up out of their seats, 8:30 p.m. March 9 & 10 at The Comedy Club with Jackie Knight at Gypsy Cab Company’s Corner Bar, 828 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 461-8843, $15, thegypsycomedyclub.com. LAUGH LOUNGE A weekly showcase of funny NEFla folks is 8 p.m. March 10 at Dos Gatos, 123 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, creativeveins.com.
CALLS & WORKSHOPS
THE DR. JOANN CRISP-ELLERT FUND The fund supports art projects in the Oldest City that promote visual art appreciation or education. Proposals of $2,500-$5,000 accepted, deadline April 5, jaxcf.org. ST. JOHNS COUNTY PARKS & REC DEPT. CAMP LOTTERY For SJC resident kids ages 5-12, the camp’s lottery registration is open through 5 p.m. March 16; names are drawn at random March 26, results mailed out. Camp is June 4-July 20. This year’s theme: Be a Superhero! Fees $410/child; reduced rates available upon qualification, sjcfl.us/youth. PROMENADE THE ALCAZAR To celebrate the 130th anniversary of the Alcazar Hotel and Lightner Museum’s
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21
ARTS + EVENTS 70th anniversary, submit original artworks inspired by the anniversary’s theme, Promenade the Alcazar. Winning artwork selected by museum staff; $1,000 prize; deadline May 31, lightnermuseum.org/art-contest. PICASSO’S KIDS The Art Center Cooperative calls young artists to submit works for inclusion in a show highlighting Picasso’s belief that kids make the most interesting artworks; $10/entry, all mediums accepted, no size limit. Deadline March 21, tacjacksonville.org. ST. AUGUSTINE SHIMMY MOB The dance performance group is registering for its local fundraiser, people of all ages performing a choreographed routine, part of an international event to raise funds and awareness for women’s and children’s shelters in participating communities. No dance experience needed. Deadline March 31, shimmymob.com. NEW VOICES: YOUNG VOICES Players by the Sea announces its annual New Voices program. Applicants 13-18 may submit a proposal and dialogue. Deadline March 16; playersbythesea. org/new-voices-young-voices. playersbythesea.org/newvoices-young-voices.
ART WALKS + MARKETS
FIRST WEDNESDAY ARTWALK This month’s theme is Blow Off Some STEAM; we can only guess the folks at ArtWalk headquarters have seen Folio Weekly staffers marching with style and purpose around Downtown in an effort to up our vitamin D intake! Actually, STEAM is in support of STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) curriculum in concert with the arts. DJ Monsta, The Firewater Tent Revival and Royal Rebel Youth Dancers perform on Hemming Park stage, 5-9 p.m. March 7, spanning 15 blocks in Downtown Jacksonville. iloveartwalk.com. ST. AUGUSTINE AMPHITHEATRE FARMERS MARKET Live music, yoga (bring mat and water bottle), flowers, baked goods, art, artisan wares and local produce; St. Johns County Bookmobile onsite March 10. 1340 A1A S., St. Augustine, 209-0367. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Every Sat. 10 a.m.-3 p.m., rain or shine, with a variety of small businesses, from soapmakers to raw milk products (for animal consumption only); and all the fresh fruit you could ever want. 715 Riverside Ave., under the Fuller Warren Bridge, ram.riversideavondale.org. FERNANDINA BEACH MARKET PLACE A weekly event where farmers, growers and entrepreneurs sell locally grown and produced goods to those living in and visiting this little community. Open 9 a.m.-1 p.m. every Sat., North Seventh Street, in Fernandina Beach’s historic district, fernandinabeachmarketplace.com. JACKSONVILLE FARMERS MARKET Open daily, dawn to dusk (except Thanksgiving & Christmas), Beaver Street, as it’s known, is a real farmers market in every sense. It’s the state’s oldest of its kind, plus there’s a gallery (we don’t know if Elvis on Velvet is available) and vendors hawking every item you didn’t know you needed. 1810 W. Beaver St., Westside, 354-2821, jaxfarmersmarket.com. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local/regional art, free yoga 9 a.m., live music—Ashley Hunter Morning Yoga 9 a.m., The 77d’s 10:30 a.m., Mike Shackelford Band 1 p.m. March 3—food, farmers’ row, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. every Sat. under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.
MUSEUMS
CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, flagler.edu. Four Channels, two sound installations by Olivia Block, are accessible through April 14. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 29 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. In the Garden, through April 22. Thomas Hart Benton & the Navy, through June 3. Fields of Color: the Art of Japanese Printmaking, through Nov. 25. THE BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Lana Shuttleworth’s Nature Reconstructed runs through June 3. LIGHTNER MUSEUM 75 King St., St. Augustine, 824-2874, lightnermuseum.org. Broken Lightner curator’s tour is 10 a.m. March 7; ticket prices vary, go to website. In the 1888 Alcazar Hotel. A collection of fine and decorative arts, and a mummy, shrunken heads and tangles of human hair. MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. Juan Fontanive Lopez’s Movement 4 is the atrium project. Call & Response, through April 1. Unverified by collaborative artists Kahn & Selesnick, Robert and Shana ParkeHarrison, Lori Nix, Jojakim Cortis, Adrian Sonderegger, Jennifer B. Thoreson and Thomas Jackson, through March 25. Circumvolve: Narratives & Responses to Life Cycles, by UNF student artist-inresidence Rachel Huff Smith, through March 18. MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Cir., Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. Hands-on exhibit NANO presents basics of nanoscience and engineering, through June 17. Science Fiction, Science Future, through May.
GALLERIES
22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
THE 5 & DIME, A THEATRE COMPANY 112 E. Adams St., Downtown, the5anddime.org. This month’s artwork is Inside Out, a selection of works by mentally ill individuals, up through April 1, istillmatter.org. THE ART CENTER COOPERATIVE 2 W. Independent Dr., The Landing, Downtown, tacjacksonville.org. A Healing Heart, new works by Markie Benevento, opens 5:30 p.m. March 10. FSCJ KENT CAMPUS GALLERY 3939 Roosevelt Blvd., Riverside. MAIMS: Antisocial Media, works by Daniel A. Brown, currently on view. Instagram: the_real_daniel_brown.
MAKERSPACE 333 N. Laura St., Main Library, Downtown, jaxpubliclibrary.org. Banksy’s Haight Street Rat and Writing on the Walls, Visual Literacy through Street Culture display through April 14. SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 1 Independent Dr., Downtown, southlightgallery.com. A collaborative art gallery exhibiting and selling works by professional regional artists; Doug Eng is featured in March and April. Opening reception 6 p.m. March 16. THE SPACE GALLERY 120 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, longroadprojects.com. Sum + Substance, works by Dustin Harewood, Hiromi Moneyhun, Christina Chandler and Elena Øhlander, are on view. ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., St. Augustine, staaa.org. Miniature Marvels, 2D and 3D works of art no larger than 12 inches on any side including the frame, through March.
EVENTS
AMELIA ISLAND CONCOURS d’ELEGANCE More than 300 rare vehicles from seldom-seen international private collections, plus elegant dinners, auctions, a Porsche driving experience, book-signings, design seminars, Mercedes Benz Gala, a vintage fashion show, and the unveiling of the (restored) only Shelby Lonestar ever made. Event times and tickets vary. March 8-11, Amelia Island, ameliaconcours.org. SHORE STORIES Six short films highlight the grassroots resistance across the U.S. against offshore drilling, 7 p.m. March 7 at Corazon Cinema & Cafe, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, corazoncinemaandcafe.com. WALKING WHILE BLACK Journalists Ben Conarck and Topher Sanders discuss their ongoing reporting on “Walking While Black.” Their reporting, first co-published by the Florida Times-Union and Pro-Publica on Nov. 16, uncovered an apparent bias in the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office pedestrian ticketing: “In the last five years, blacks received 55 percent of all pedestrian tickets in Jacksonville, while only accounting for 29 percent of the population.” 7-9 p.m. March 7 at Riverside United Church of Christ, 2858 Post St., Riverside, free, 710-4994. OPEN MIC NIGHT Joy Dennis hosts the monthly event at Live Bar, 5-10 p.m. March 7, 331 E. Bay St., Downtown, free, joydennismusic.com. WOMEN’S RIGHTS ISSUES TODAY A panel discussion with Kristin Keen, founder & president of Rethreaded; Dr. Aylin Ozdemir ‘Dr. O’, pediatrician; Sabeen Perwaiz, Florida Nonprofit Alliance executive director; Aidee Frescas, business developer; Toni Hernandez, founder, Leading Ladies 904; moderated by Andrea Myers, GlobalJax executive director, 6 p.m. March 8 at Istanbul Cultural Center, 2032 Southside Blvd., free, eventbrite.com. FIRST COAST SPELLING BEE Dust off your dictionary and follow along as 28 talented kids battle it out for the chance to represent the First Coast at Scripps National Spelling Bee. Last year, Sreeniketh Vogoti from Fruit Cove Middle School placed fourth nationally. 8 p.m. March 9, The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., free, floridatheatre.com. AN EVENING WITH VENERABLE BARDOR TULKU RINPOCHE A joyful, wise and respected teacher, meditation master and lineage holder, Rinpoche speaks to today’s spiritual concerns. Rinpoche, recognized by His Holiness the 16th Gyalwang Karmapa as the third incarnation of Terchen Barway Dorje, discusses his path 7-9 p.m. March 9 at Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum, 101 W. First St., Springfield, $20, palchenjacksonville.org. SERENESCAPES New works by Leilani Leo and Rob Hardin; opening reception is 7-9 p.m. March 9 at Reclaim Bodyworks, 8850 Goodbys Executive Dr., Ste. A, Mandarin, 469-5012. SWAMPTOWN GET DOWN Featuring Randall Bramblett, Melody Trucks Band, Glass Camels and many, many more … go get you some music! Okefenokee Fairgrounds, 2401 Knight Ave., Waycross, Georgia, March 9 & 10, $30-$40, stgdfest.com. GATE RIVER RUN If your social media feeds are anything like ours, they’ve been filling up with images of your virtuous friends “training for the Gate.” It’s too late to train, but not too late to decide to walk the 5K portion. 8 a.m.-2 p.m. March 10, 1stplacesports.com for details and registration. BRUCE THOMASON BOOK SIGNING The Jax Beach-based author of The Six-O’clock Rule, Perception of Power and The Domino Event signs books 1-4 p.m. March 10 at The Book Loft, 214 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, thebookloftofamelia.com. REGGAE AND YOGA Food, music and yoga at the beach! Bring a yoga mat for a flow sesh, 1 p.m. March 11 at Burney Park, 95570 Burney Blvd., Fernandina, free, facebook.com/events. JOSH HANAGARNE The author of The World’s Strongest Librarian: A Book Lover’s Adventure, discusses his work and signs books, 10 a.m. March 13 at FSCJ Kent Campus (Rm. F-128), 3939 Roosevelt Blvd., Riverside and 7 p.m. March 13 at FSCJ’s Wilson Center, 11901 Beach Blvd., Southside, fscj.edu/author-series. EVERY SINGLE ARTIST LOUNGE Mix and mingle with creatives or just regular folk 5:30 p.m. March 13 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Riverside, culturalcouncil.org. WIND CHIMES FOR SPECIAL NEEDS Local high school student Claire Fodor sells handmade wind chimes to help raise funds for the charity Sound Connections. They’re available at the Cultural Center at Ponte Vedra, 50 Executive Way, ccpvd.org. _________________________________________ To list an event, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, contact number to print to Madeleine Peck Wagner; email madeleine@folioweekly. com or mail 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Items run as space is available. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wed. printing.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23
Jacksonville Pipes and Drums (formerly St Andrews Pipes and Drums) has been incorporated as a not-forprofit organization since 1984 and is a proud member of theEastern United States Pipe Band Association. The band holds a strong commitment to playing traditional Irish and Scottish music for both public and private audiences. We have had the honor of welcoming His Royal Highness, Prince Edward while in Jacksonville as well as participating in the presence of the Archbishop of Canterbury and, the University of North Florida commencement exercises. We also perform in parades, parties, festivals and yes, even the occasional Irish pub or two. Members of the band compete as a group as well as individually in various South East U.S. competitions in the spirit of improving their performances for all audiences.
Mike has been a fixture in the Detroit Irish music scene for over 40 years and continues to perform in Michigan, Florida, and Ontario, Canada. His music is an eclectic blend of Irish, Scottish and Maritime with a dash of American Old-Time and Bluegrass. Mike presently resides in the Port Huron, Michigan area and winters in St. Augustine, Florida.
11:30am - Mike Sullivan
3:30pm - Jacksonville Pipes & Drums 7:30pm - 6’10
12:30pm - The Wobbly Toms
4:30pm - Flatfoot 56
8:30pm - The Wobbly Toms
1:30pm - 6'’10"
5:30pm - The Wobbly Toms
9:30pm - Hoist the Colors
2:30pm - Hoist the Colors
6:30pm - Hoist the Colors
10:45pm - Flatfoot 65
(St. Augustine, FL )•The Wobbly Toms are based in St. Augustine, yet their euphonious influences are global in scope; leading to music that is both defined and defied by their instrumentation. The group features Andrew Calvert (Stand-Up Bass/Vox), Richard Steinmeyer (Banjo/Vox), Zachary Lively (Guitar/Harmonica/Vox), Travis Hembree (Accordion/Washboard), and Anthony Kistka (Drums/Percussion). Haunting the Old City since 2003, the sound of The Wobbly Toms is a mix of passionate energies, with respect for those that have come before, and those that walk aside - on the melodious highway of home brewed song. •> TheWobblyToms.Com
24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
6•10 is the folk/bluegrass incarnation of Tobin Bawinkel, frontman for Celtic punk stalwarts Flatfoot 56. Bawinkel is joined by bandmates Josh Robieson(Mandolin, Ukulele/vox) Mike Pettus (Ukulele Bass/ vox), Keith Perez (Cajon/vox) and Vanessa Bawinkel (accordion/vox). Those who have grown to love Bawinkel•s raw punk aesthetic and candor will find much to cling to in this new endeavor. There is sorrow and yearning for a place far from here. But there is also joy abundant amidst the unexpected twists in life•s passage. 6•10 is close to the hearts of those who hunger and thirst for something more than an empty life following the American dream. 6•10 have already shared the stage with established acts such as Sundowner, Deals Gone Bad, Josh Caterer (Smoking Popes), Mike Farris, Flatfoot 56, Vic Ruggiero (Slackers), Michael Graves, The Bones, The Last Resort, and the Mahones. Bawinkel states, •The main goal of this band is to be able to inspire and relate to people who want something more than the typical things that the world we live in tries to force us to live for. I want it to encourage those who have gone through tough times, to realize that there is always gold to be found in the mud that life sometimes bogs us down in. The trials and difficulties we face can either make us bitter or they can make us better. This band offers an entertaining evening to those who just want to reflect on stories from the past and hopefully be inspired by the ramblings of a seasoned traveling musician.• > www.610Band.Com
(Los Angeles, CA) •"We started in my living room", explains singer and mandolin player Joshua Linden, "This band was never meant to do much more then play a few pubs and get some free drinks. But once we started playing around LA, we developed a following as well as a love for what we were doing." With the spark lit and a unique take on folk-influenced punk, the band released their first full length themselves, entitled Second City. A year later, they found themselves back in the studio, this time signed to independent Hermosa Beach label Hardline Entertainment and recording their second LP, Miles to Go Before We Sleep. Artistically, they had finally found their sound, blending a mix of Americana and Irish folk, while leaning heavily on their punk rock roots. Two years after Miles to Go, the band began writing for a new album. Mourners is the most honest music the band has ever written, as the sound is solidified by soulful melodies, heartfelt lyrics, and a heavy dose of twang. > www.HoistTheColors.Com
(Chicago, IL) Flatfoot 56 has been playing a positive-natured brand of hardcoretinged Celtic punk. The Chicago natives achieved nationwide attention with their first two label-backed records, 2006•s "Knuckles Up" and 2007•s "Jungle of the Midwest Sea." These releases built on a heavy dose of previously established regional notoriety, helping the band gain steam early on. While each record received its fair share of acclaim, the quintet exploded onto a new level with 2010•s "Black Thorn." Landing the band on a total of nine different Billboard Charts, Flatfoot 56 proved it could consistently reach an expanding audience while treading in a genre not often associated with widespread success. The video for their 2010 single "Courage" was nominated for a 2010 Chicago/Midwest Emmy Award for 'Best Director.' In 2010 the Flatfoot 56 songs "Shiny Eyes", "Son of Shame", and "We Grow Stronger" were featured in episodes 7, 8 and 9 of season 3 of the TV series Sons of Anarchy. Flatfoot 56 also performed two tracks for WWE: Johnny Curtis's theme, "I Told You So" as well as a version of Irish-born WWE wrestler Sheamus's theme, "Written In My Face". Flatfoot 56 is in the process of getting ready to release their 7th full length studio album. > www.FlatFoot56.Com
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25
26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
FOLIO A+E : ARTS
ALL HAIL! EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE!
FOUND FOOTAGE auteurs return with new film The Great Satan
I
n this era of YouTube overload, social media “stories” that disappear into the ether after 24 hours, and the live-streaming of everything, sitting down to splice together found analog video footage might seem like an exercise in futility. Not for longtime friends Nic Maier and Dimitri Simakis—they’ve been at their Everything Is Terrible! video blogging adventure for more than a decade. Their two biggest projects—a faithful reproduction of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s 1973 surrealist saga The Holy Mountain, starring nothing but dogs, and a quest to build a pyramid with every VHS copy of insufferable 1996 rom-com Jerry Maguire—have transformed Everything Is Terrible! from lowbrow internet niche to new-media avant-gardists. Their latest film, The Great Satan, is their most fully formed yet, crafting a cohesive narrative out of seconds-long snippets that both parody and preach on the dangers of the dark knight. Best of all, Maier and Simakis have taken The Great Satan on the road for a zany, jaw-dropping live show complete with costumes, commentary and induction into the enlightened cult of Everything Is Terrible!
Folio Weekly: Give us the low-down on how The Great Satan and its accompanying live performance compares to past EIT! projects. Nic Maier: I feel like we really elevated our game to a new level. The movie has more source material that’s more seamlessly crafted together with more after-effects to produce a more beautiful, fully structured narrative. The live show has also been heightened: Our costumes are better, and the show is funnier and crazier all around. I view Everything Is Terrible! as a cult or religion with members of varying ranks: Your light user watches a video on YouTube or Facebook, but the final tier of the cult is coming to the live show, when enlightenment is finally reached. Only those who do that can really, truly understand Everything Is Terrible! and themselves.
THE GREAT SATAN
Screening & live performance, 7:30 p.m. March 14, Sun-Ray Cinema, 1028 Park St., Five Points, 359-0049, $10.70, sunraycinema.com
The portrayals of Satan are equally horrifying, hilarious, sad and disgusting. Is that a response to the cringe-worthy, can’tlook-away world we live in? We’ve been working on this movie for two years, but it really does feel like it fits our world in a weird, sad way. We like to operate in the gray areas, where most people want things to be black and white, good and evil. But we think that good can be bad and evil can be good and it’s all stupid. We want to lampoon the whole concept of why we fear things and highlight the underlying horror that exists underneath things that are shiny and new. That’s what The Great Satan is all about.
Did you learn anything new about actual Satanism while making the film? Not really—it mostly just reaffirmed a lot of what I find so funny. It’s so silly to us. People who are actual Satanists might not like the movie too much. Yes, we probably identify more with Satanists than we do with evangelical Christians, but how silly is Satan in this movie? He’s never to be taken seriously. He’s such a goofy idiot. A lot of people ascribe “goofy” to Everything Is Terrible! but you two have really entered more of an auteur space. It’s weird to do anything for 10 years, and it’s even weirder to do something so absurd for 10 years. We never expected any of this—we started with a blog to share our dumb videos with our friends. I kind of feel like we’ve been self-sabotaging along the way, too. We think each Everything Is Terrible! project will be our last. I mean, we remade The Holy Mountain out of dog footage and dressed up like dogs to do a Chuck E. Cheese routine for two months, and we thought, ‘This is the end. And it’s a fine ending!’ Then the whole Jerry Maguire thing … I started out buying 100 copies of the VHS, and now we have 16,000 of them. I’m shocked and impressed people are still going along with us for this ride. Surely there must be deeper moments, though, that go beyond just hilarity and absurdity. Oh, yeah. We started as outsiders, and now I feel like Mariah Carey when kids come up to me and say, ‘I was suicidal until I watched an Everything Is Terrible! video!’ I’m, like, ‘Stop it. No, that’s ridiculous.’ We live in Los Angeles and people in the industry (with a capital I) are constantly, like, ‘What do you think we
do, man? We watch Everything Is Terrible! and then make everything you see on television.’ That makes me feel good, but I’m also, like, ‘I wish I had some money over here.’ So you haven’t ridden the insane wave of YouTube super-stardom? That’s one of the reasons we continue to exist: We’re always so hard on ourselves. When it comes to technology, we’re always, like, “That’s catastrophic! What’s next?” We had a million followers on Vine, and then Vine went away. We’ve had YouTube pages shut down over and over again because of copyright violations. There go another half-million followers. It must be nice to get out from behind the computer screens and perform for fans on these tours. Oh, my God—it’s going to be so nice to see actual humans. After the film was done, I spent weeks building costumes, and I was so happy just to be in the physical world. We’re having so much fun going to places that we love, eating sandwiches we love, and saying hi to the people we love. You’ve got a lot of fans at Sun-Ray Cinema. It’s one of our favorite theaters in the country. We wouldn’t be in Jacksonville if Sun-Ray wasn’t there. I even put a clip in The Great Satan that’s just for Jacksonville. Honestly, for us, Florida and Texas are our favorites. And I mean that with no irony. We’re from Ohio, which I find to be more like the Jerry Maguire of VHS tapes. It’s mediocre and fine. But Florida and Texas—you guys and your found footage constantly excite me.
Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27
FOLIO A+E : MUSIC
INTERWOVEN GENRES,
KINDRED SPIRITS The Celtic bands at Barley’s are bound in MUSIC AND MISSION
P
28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
dark lyrics, seems to suggest hope springs ut down that Chauncy Olcott cylinder eternal and passion should not be abandoned. of “My Wild Irish Rose” and pay We emailed Tobin Bawinkel, the man you’ll attention. There are six distinct see on stage for a very long time because he’s yet similar Celtic bands playing at Barley the leader of Flatfoot 56 and 6’10, asked him a Republic’s seventh annual St. Patrick’s Day fest few questions, and he graciously replied. that deserve a closer look and listen. Let’s start with hometown lads: The Folio Weekly: You’re in two bands. Which is Wobbly Toms, based in St. Augustine, the primary and which is the side project? comprising Andrew Calvert (standup bass), Tobin Bawinkel: Both bands have their own Zachary Lively (harmonica, guitar), Travis core following, but most of my time is spent Hembree (accordion, washboard), Richard on Flatfoot 56. This band has been around Steinmeyer (banjo) and Anthony Kistka since 2000. 6’10 began in 2013. (drums). Their music is an amalgamation of influences, like trad Irish, American All the press I’ve read describes the music bluegrass, folk, gypsy punk and ‘pub rock’ of the bands as ‘Celtic punk-rock’ or ‘folk/ (Brit rebellion against glam and prog). bluegrass’—not really similar—or are they The result is a sound that defies definition; and I’m just an unenlightened American? recognizable and beloved by the Toms’ legions In energy and sound, they aren’t very similar. of regional fans. Both styles draw from Celtic music’s rich Mike Sullivan, a quasi-homeboy, escapes cultural history but in the frozen North to different ways. 6’10 has a play here. The Detroit FLATFOOT 56, 6’10, HOIST THE more folk-bluegrass feel, musician melds styles: COLORS, THE WOBBLY TOMS, while Flatfoot leans more a bit o’ Scottish, a dab o’ MIKE SULLIVAN, JACKSONVILLE heavily on the punk side. Irish, some bluegrass and PIPES & DRUMS Bluegrass is actually a return Maritime—music of the Music starts 11:30 a.m. March 17, to roots for me—my family Canadian region that’s an Barley Republic Irish Pub, 48 Spanish used to play bluegrass admix of Celtic, Acadian St., St. Augustine, $5 (VIP $45), together in our living room. and European styles. barleyrepublic.com This style is actually a Jacksonville Pipes & relative of Celtic music, as it Drums is a not-for-profit was Irish and Scottish immigrants who helped group that plays traditional airs, with a proper develop it in the Appalachian Mountains. mien for a band that’s performed for royalty. Don’t mistake JP&D for a stuffy uptight Are band members mostly Americans or bunch, though—they can get loose and rise to are they from another land? Like IREland, any occasion. ENGland, etc.? Now for the interlopers. Flatfoot 56 We’re all from Chicago’s heavily Irish South (refers to high-school teasing), straight Side. It’s a big part of the Chicago community. outta Chicago, plays Celtic punk with a bite. Billboard’s put them on nine charts, How much drinking is done to keep y’all proof positive that pigeonholing Flatfoot 56 onstage at Barley’s on St. Patrick’s Day? is an exercise in futility. This group is just It’s not only about the drinking but the lousy with brotherly love. Three Bawinkels sing; Tobin (guitar), Justin (drums) and atmosphere, too. If people can continue Kyle (bass). Brandon Good plays mandolin to have fun and keep the vibe upbeat and and guitar; Eric McMahon plays guitar and positive, then we’ll keep it going. It’ll be a bagpipes. The wide range of talents and skills really fun time. put the nationally acclaimed quintet firmly on the road to Tír na nÓg, an Irish concept What do y’all like about Florida? of Paradise. We have a lot of old friends in Florida. In California five-piece Hoist the Colors the past, the shows down there have always spent its early years dabbling in myriad been pretty wild, so we are expecting to have sounds—punk, folk, Americana—before a great weekend. We are also excited about playing with our friends in Hoist the Colors. settling on its current identity, that of Irish folk/Americana/melodic twang. So there you have it. Good music, good Lead guitarist Jeff Murphy, singer/ vibes, beer, whiskey (Tullamore D.E.W.!), mandolinist Joshua Linden, acoustic guitarist/ food, friends—the goodness spilleth over. backing vocalist Sean Brandlin, bassist Fabian De La Torre and drummer Tom Brem comprise Marlene Dryden the group, whose last album Mourners, despite mdryden@folioweekly.com
Cited by Rolling Stone as one of “10 new country artists to know,” The DRUGSTORE GYPSIES perform 8 p.m. Tuesday, March 13, at Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $8, jaxlive.com.
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK
JOHN KADLECIK BAND, STOOP KIDS 8 p.m. March 7, 1904 Music Hall (1904MH), 19 Ocean St. N., Downtown, 345-5760, $20-$25. LEELYNN OSBORN, COOKIN’ in the KITCHEN 6 p.m. March 7, Prohibition Kitchen (ProhibitKitch), 119 St. George St., St. Augustine, 209-5704. SEAN CLARK, UNCLE DAVE GRIFFIN, WILLIS GORE 8 p.m. March 7, Blue Jay Listening Room (BlueJay), 2457B S. Third St., Jax Beach, bluejay.com, $10. TAD JENNINGS 9 p.m. March 7, Surfer the Bar (Surfer), 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 372-9756. ANA POPOVIC 8 p.m. March 7, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall (PVCHall), 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, pvconcerthall.com, $36-$39. SONREAL, DAVIE 8 p.m. March 8, Jack Rabbits (JackRabbs), 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $13-$85. SARAH SHOOK & THE DISARMERS 8 p.m. March 8, BlueJay, $15. ZION I, LE SPECIAL 8 p.m. March 8, Nighthawks, (NightHwks), 2952 Roosevelt Blvd., Riverside, $13-$15. MARK JOHNS 6 p.m. March 8, Boondocks Grill & Bar, 2808 Henley Rd., Green Cove Springs, 406-9497. NAUGHTY PROFESSOR, CHALI 2NA, HOLEY MISS MOLEY, ELECTRIC KIF 8 p.m. March 8, 1904MH, $15-$20. RAMONA TRIO, LPIII 6 p.m. March 8, ProhibitKitch. LOVE MONKEY 9:30 p.m. March 8, Cheers Park Avenue (Cheers), 1138 Park Ave., Orange Park, 269-4855, cheersparkave.com, $2. ANDY McKEE 8 p.m. March 8, PVCHall, $36-$46. THE LOS ANGELES GUITAR QUARTET 7:30 p.m. March 8, FlaThtr; DASotA benefit, $25-$35. NEW ROCK SOUL 9 p.m. March 8, Surfer. SWAMPTOWN GETDOWN: RANDALL BRAMBLETT, MELODY TRUCKS BAND, GLASS CAMELS, DIRTY BIRD & THE FLU, NDKS, PINEBOX DWELLERS, TY MANNING & THE SLAWDOG BISCUITS, MORE March 9 & 10, Okefenokee Fairgrounds, Waycross RESONANT ROGUES 8 p.m. March 9, BlueJay, $20. EMMET CAHILL, DUBLIN CITY RAMBLERS, SEVEN NATIONS, RATHKELTAIR, EMISH, ALBANNACH, ENTER THE HAGGIS, STEEL CITY ROVERS, HOUSE OF HAMILL March 9-11, Francis Field, St. Augustine, $10-$75. TRAVIS TRITT, THE CHARLIE DANIELS BAND, THE MARSHALL TUCKER BAND, THE OUTLAWS 4 p.m. March 9, St. Augustine Amphitheatre (StAugAmp), 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, staugamphitheatre, $44-$94. JUKEBOX OLDIES 8 p.m. March 9, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park (SpiritSuwannee), 3076 95th Dr., Live Oak. JO & THE SAUCE, OZONEBABY 5 p.m. March 9, Cheers, $2. CHRIS THOMPSON BAND, DISPLACE 6 p.m. March 9, ProhibitKitch. COAST MODERN, THE TECHNICOLORS, NETHERFRIENDS 8 p.m. March 9, JackRabbs, $15. CLIFF DORSEY, JONATHAN LEE 7 p.m. March 9, Boondocks. VOLUR, 1476, ETHER, XAEUS, TRANSIT 8 p.m. March 9, Rain Dogs (RainDogs), 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969. STEVE MARTIN, MARTIN SHORT, The STEEP CANYON RANGERS, JEFF BABKO 8 p.m. March 9, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts (T-U Center), 300 Water St., Downtown, 633-6110, ticketmaster.com, $71-$196.
RAISIN CAKE ORCHESTRA, PRESSURE 6 p.m. March 10, ProhibitKitch. SOUTH CITY 9 p.m. March 10, Surfer. BILLY BUCHANAN 8 p.m. March 10, BlueJay, $20. RYAN CAMPBELL 7 p.m. March 10, Boondocks. OZONEBABY 9:30 p.m. March 10, Cheers, $2. VELVET CARAVAN 8 p.m. March 10, Ritz Theatre & Museum (RitzTh), 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 632-5555, ritzjacksonville.com, $25. WYCLEF JEAN, JACKSONVILLE SYMPHONY 8 p.m. March 10, Dailys, $49-$109, jaxsymphony.org. SIDELINE 7 p.m. March 10, Mudville, $10. KOLARS, ESCONDIDO, THE KATE RAYS 8 p.m. March 10, JackRabbs, $12. EARTH, WIND & FIRE 8 p.m. March 10, FlaThtr, $66-$126. BRAD PAISLEY, CHASE BRYANT 6 p.m. March 10, StAugAmp, $35-$135. MOTOWN THE MUSICAL 8 p.m. March 10 & 11, T-U Center, $27-$77. RAISING CADENCE, A WOLF AMONGST SHEEP, FERNWAY, VOODOO FIX 8 p.m. March 11, JackRabbs, $8. THE WILLOW WACKS 6 p.m. March 11, ProhibitKitch. THE TENDERLOINS 7:30 p.m. March 11, StAugAmp, $59-$154. THE IRISH ROVERS 7 p.m. March 11, FlaThtr, $24-$45. THE MARVIN GAYE EXPERIENCE 7 p.m. March 11, ThrshHrnCtr, $19. CHRIS UNDERDAL & CHELSEY MICHELLE 1 p.m. March 11, BlueJay, free. KEITH HARKIN 8 p.m. March 11, BlueJay, $35-$55. RIVER CITY RHYTHM KINGS 7 p.m. March 12, Mudville, $10. KRISTEN LEE 6 p.m. March 12, ProhibitKitch. BAY KINGS BAND PREVIEW 8 p.m. March 12, BlueJay, free. COLIN PATERSON 9 p.m. March 13, Surfer. CELTIC WOMAN 7:30 p.m. March 13, T-U Center, $39-$125. COLTON TRIO, CHELSEA SADDLER 6 p.m. March 13, ProhibitKitch. THE DRUGSTORE GYPSIES 8 p.m. March 13, JackRabbs, $8. MATT HENDERSON 9 p.m. March 14, Surfer. BILL GIBSON 8 p.m. March 15, BlueJay IYA TERRA 8 p.m. March 14, 1904MH, $10. MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET 7:30 p.m. March 15, T-U Center, $22-$62. LYNDIE BURRIS 6 p.m. March 15, Boondocks. ANTHONY RANERI 7 p.m. March 15, 1904MH, $14-$17. KATASTRO, TROPIDELIC 8 p.m. March 15, JackRabbs, $10. AMPLE ANGST, DAVE EGGAR 8 p.m. March 15, BlueJay, $20. EASY STAR ALL STARS 9 p.m. March 15, ProhibitKitch, $20. LARRY MANGUM & THE COWBOY ORCHESTRA 7 p.m. March 15, Mudville, $10.
UPCOMING CONCERTS MIKE LOVE, JUNGLE MAN SAM March 16, 1904MH TRAIL DRIVER March 16, Surfer ASHTON TAYLOR, SOULS OF JOY, PAUL IVEY March 16, Boondocks SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY March 16, SpiritSuwannee BERNARD JAZZ TRIO, CHILLULA March 16, ProhibitKitch JOE JENCKS March 16, Mudville
FOREIGNER, DAVE EGGAR ORCHESTRA March 16, StAugAmp JO SMITH March 16, BlueJay STEVE HOFSTETTER March 16, JackRabbs HOTEL EXPERIENCE: A SALUTE TO THE EAGLES March 16, ThrshHrnCtr NAHKO, THE LATE ONES, XIUHTEZCATL March 16, PVCHall GET THE LED OUT March 16, FlaThtr RANDALL BRAMBLETT March 17, BlueJay MATT KNOWLES, HARD 2 HANDLE March 17, Boondocks BELLE & THE BAND, SMOKESTACK March 17, ProhibitKitch CHILLULA March 17, Surfer DISCORDANT GENERATION, SWILL, GRABBAG, SINGLE WHITE HERPE, THE AIDS March 17, Nighthawks 1964 THE TRIBUTE March 17, StAugAmp WALKER BROTHERS, OLD DAWGS NEW TRIXX March 17, Mudville FLIPTURN, GLASS HOUSE POINT, ASTER & IVY, SOUTH POINT March 17, JackRabbs TIFFANY March 17, PVCHall COREY SMITH, THE WILSON BROTHERS BAND March 17, Mavericks SPRING ST. AUGUSTINE RECORD FAIR March 18, StAugAmp CHELSEA SADDLER, BOTTOM FEEDERS, DOWNTOWN TOP RANKIN March 18, ProhibitKitch JAX WOMEN ARE RAD March 18, BlueJay SOULO LYON March 18, Surfer ALICE COOPER March 18, FlaThtr THE WILLOW WACKS March 19, ProhibitKitch A DAY TO REMEMBER, PAPA ROACH, FALLING IN REVERSE, THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA March 20, StAugAmp THOMAS RHETT March 20, Dailys TREVOR BARNES March 20, Surfer VINYL THEATRE, VESPERTEEN March 20, JackRabbs ASLYN & THE NAYSAYERS, JORY LYLE March 20, ProhibitKitch DANIELLE MOHR March 21, BlueJay MIKE & THE MECHANICS March 21, PVCHall THE EXPANDERS, SENSAMOTION, DUBBEST March 21, Surfer WALTER SALAS-HUMARA March 21, Mudville MAKARI, ADVENTURER March 21, JackRabbs LUKE PEACOCK March 22, Mudville PAUL MILLER, STAN PIPER, STEFAN KLEIN March 22, BlueJay FAT CACTUS March 22, Cheers INFAMOUS STRINGDUSTERS, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, JIM LAUDERDALE, QUARTERMON, LARRY KEEL EXPERIENCE, DAVID BROMBERG QUINTET, DONNA THE BUFFALO, DAR WILLIAMS, MORE March 22-25, SpiritSuwannee SHANE MYERS March 23, Cheers MARTY FARMER, BARRETT THOMPSON March 23, Boondocks KALEIGH BAKER, MATT WALKER March 23, BlueJay ESHAM March 23, NightHwks RODNEY CARRINGTON March 23, FlaThtr ROSE ROYCE, LENNY WILLIAMS, GLENN JONES, SHIRLEY MURDOCK, DENIECE WILLIAMS, REGINA BELLE March 24, T-U Center’s Moran Theater JUVENILE, TOO-SHORT, SCARFACE, TRINA, UNCLE LUKE, 8BALL, MIG March 24, VetsMemArena MATT KNOWLES March 24, Boondocks THE FALLEN SONS March 24, JackRabbs
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC
30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
SAILOR JANE & THE SWELL March 25, ProhibitKitch DWIGHT & NICOLE March 24, BlueJay ERIC COLETTE & BAND March 24, Boondocks BOOKER T. JONES March 25, PVCHall LANCE NEELY, THE WILLOW WACKS, DOWNTOWN TOP RANKIN March 25, ProhibitKitch NEW ROCK SOUL March 25, Surfer SUNSQUABI, EXMAG, MZG March 25, 1904MH WATAIN, DESTROYER666, NEXUL March 25, Mavericks THREE DOG NIGHT, THE LORDS OF 52ND STREET March 25, FlaThtr KATY SCHIRARD, CHELSEA SADDLER March 26, ProhibitKitch COLTON TRIO, GO GET GONE March 27, ProhibitKitch AARON THOMAS March 27, Surfer FORTUNATE YOUTH, BALLYHOO, TATANKA March 28, Mavericks JACK RINGCA, JODI MOSELEY March 28, BlueJay RYAN CAMPBELL March 28, Surfer THE FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL March 29, Cheers BRIAN ERNST, HIT PARADE March 29, ProhibitKitch PAUL IVEY March 29, Boondocks AN EVENING WITH THE MAVERICKS March 29, PVCHall LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III, LUCY WAINWRIGHT ROCHE March 30, PVCHall IVAN & BUDDY, FRATELLO March 30, Cheers DANGERMUFFIN March 30, Mudville PEACHES AND MINK March 30, Sun-Ray Cinema UDO DIRKSCHNEIDER, NEW DAY March 30, Mavericks TOP SHELF PEOPLE, SIDE HUSTLE, TOM BENNETT BAND March 30, JackRabbs MORNING FATTY March 30, Surfer KYLE JENNINGS, KEVIN POST March 31, BlueJay RESINATED March 31, Surfer ERIC LINDELL March 31, MojoKitchen RYAN DEPALO, PETER MICHAEL, MARK O’QUINN March 31, JackRabbs BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE, THE BELLE GAME April 1, PVCHall MY OLD LADY, 2FY OCTOPI, BLACK SPHERE, ENTROPY, DESERT ISLAND April 1, 1904MH LONELY HEARTSTRING BAND April 4, Café11 MACHINE GIRL, CHARLIE VELOURS April 4, Shntytwn JUNCO ROYALS April 4, BlueJay HAWKTAIL April 5, Café11 BUDDY GUY, JIMMIE VAUGHAN, QUINN SULLIVAN April 5, FlaThtr THE BAILSMEN April 5, BlueJay PRESSURE BUSS PIPE, BLACK DIAMOND BAND April 6, Mavericks EVE TO ADAM April 6, 1904MH HANK WILLIAMS JR. April 6, StAugAmp HAWKTAIL April 6, BlueJay ZEB PADGETT, LOVE MONKEY April 16, Cheers TOMMY EMMANUEL, ANTHONY SNAPE April 6 & 7, PVCHall SETH WALKER April 7, Mudville SPRINGING THE BLUES AFTERPARTY April 7, Mojo Kitchen THAT 1 GUY April 8, JackRabbs ALL TIME LOW, GNASH, DREAMERS April 10, Mavericks TINA & HER PONY April 11, BlueJay COREY KILGANNON, OH JEREMIAH April 12, BlueJay STYX, DON FELDER April 13, StAugAmp AMANDA SHIRES & HER BAND April 13, PVCHall CHRIS BOTTI April 13, FlaThtr PINEBOX DWELLERS April 13, BlueJay ANDY JONES, JASON EVANS BAND April 13, Cheers THE BLACK ANGELS, BLACK LIPS April 14, Backyard Stage, StAugAmp NEON WHISKEY April 14, Cheers THE WAILERS April 14, PVCHall THE REVIVALISTS April 14, FlaThtr THE BEACH BOYS April 15, StAugAmp DESCENDENTS April 15, Mavericks JERSEY BOYS April 15, Thrsh-HrnCtr DR. DOG, KYLE CRAFT, SON LITTLE, ALEX G April 15, PVCHall BIG SEAN, SHY GLIZZY, PLAYBOI CARTI, GASHI April 15, Dailys THE LONE BELLOW April 16, PVCHall ONE NIGHT OF QUEEN: GARY MULLEN & THE WORKS April 17, PVCHall ABBA THE CONCERT April 17, FlaThtr GLEN PHILLIPS April 18, Café11 BRIAN CULBERTSON April 18, FlaThtr ROGER THAT April 19, Cheers BRUCE COCKBURN April 19, PVCHall SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN JUKEBOX April 19, FlaThtr WANEE 2018: WIDESPREAD PANIC, PHIL LESH & THE TERRAPIN FAMILY BAND, AS THE CROW FLIES, DARK STAR ORCHESTRA, ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES, JAIMOE’S JASSZ BAND, THE CHRIS ROBINSON BROTHERHOOD, NORTH MISSISSIPPI ALLSTARS, KARL DENSON’S TINY UNIVERSE, SONNY LANDRETH, THE MARCUS KING BAND, GEORGE PORTER JR. & THE RUNNING PARDNERS, LES BROS, BOBBY LEE ROGERS TRIO, BIG SOMETHING, BERRY OAKLEY’S INDIGENOUS SUSPECTS, CRAZY FINGERS April 19-21, SpiritSuwannee THOMAS RHETT, BRETT YOUNG, CARLY PEARCE April 20, Dailys CHRIS TOMLIN, KIM WALKER-SMITH, MATT MAHER, CHRISTINE D’CLARIO, TAUREN WELLS, PAT BARRETT April 20, VetsMemArena JOHN MULANEY April 20, FlaThtr ESSELS, MYSTIC GRIZZLY, LURK CITY, AFTERCITIES, REST IN PIERCE, ROCKS N BLUNTS, VAMPA, DUROSAI, XOFF, AWT, RICHIE GRANT, JULIAN M, BENNY BLACK April 20, 1904MH BANDS ON THE RUN April 20, RainDogs MODEST MOUSE April 21, StAugAmp ABRAHAM PARTRIDGE April 21, BlueJay LIFT April 21, Cheers OLD 97’s, JAMIE WYATT April 22, PVCHall
AMUSE April 22, Shanghai Nobby’s HUEY LEWIS & THE NEWS, RICHARD MARX April 22, StAugAmp FUN & FUNK XPLOSION TOUR: JEFF BECK, PAUL RODGERS, ANN WILSON Aug. 23,Dailys DAVID FOSTER April 24, FlaThtr 10,000 MANIACS April 25, PVCHall JOHNNY MATHIS April 26, FlaThtr OZZY OSBOURNE, FOO FIGHTERS, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, POP EVIL, PALAYE ROYALE, BLACK MAP, BILLY IDOL, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, GODSMACK, STONE SOUR, BLACK VEIL BRIDES, AVATAR April 27-29, Metro Park BLACK JACKET SYMPHONY, JACKSONVILLE ROCK SYMPHONY: SGT. PEPPER’S 50TH ANNIVERSARY TOURApril 27, FlaThtr SOUTHERN BURN BAND April 27, SpiritSuwannee TAUK April 27, 1904MH SONDRA HUNT BAND April 28, SpiritSuwannee ALAN PARSONS PROJECT, CARL PALMER April 28, FlaThtr TOMMY TALTON April 28, BlueJay CHRISTINA BIANCO April 28, UNF’s Lazzara Hall SINBAD, REGI WOOTEN, ROY “FUTUREMAN” WOOTEN, BOB FRANCESCHINI May 1, PVCHall SUWANNEE RIVER JAM: ALAN JACKSON, JOSH TURNER, LOCASH, EASTON CORBIN, TYLER FARR, RODNEY ATKINS, THE LACS, KENTUCKY HEADHUNTERS, WILLIAMS & REE, MORE May 2-5, SpiritSuwannee LITTLE BIG TOWN, KACEY MUSGRAVES, MIDLAND May 4, StAugAmp TODRICK HALL May 4, PVCHall GYPSY STAR May 4, Mudville SKILLET, FOR KING & COUNTRY May 4, Dailys HERB ALPERT, LANI HALL May 4, FlaThtr JIM MURDOCK, CITY OF BRIDGES May 4, Cheers GAMBLE ROGERS MUSIC FESTIVAL: PETER ROWAN, VERLON THOMPSON, MEAN MARY, VERONIKA JACKSON, BRIAN SMALLEY, PASSERINE, SAM PACETTI, THE STARLIGHT TRIO, THE ADVENTURES OF ANNABELL LYNN, BELL & THE BAND, RED & CHRIS HENRY’S ALLSTAR BAND, WILD SHINERS, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE, THE OBSCURE BROTHERS, BRIAN SMALLEY, THE ASHLEY GANG REUNION, REMEDY TREE, ROTAGEEZER, BELMONT & JONES May 4-6, Colonial Quarter, St. Augustine OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW May 5, T-UCtr’s Moran Theater
Called “a helluva guitarplayer” by no less than Bruce Springsteen, ANA POPOVIC, with Jacksonville’s MJ Baker, rocks the blues 8 p.m. Wednesday, March 7 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $36-$39, pvconcerthall.com.
THE NATIONAL, BIG THIEF May 5, StAugAmp KRIS KRISTOFFERSON May 6, FlaThrtr THE GIPSY KINGS, NICOLAS REYES, TONINO BALIARDO May 6, StAugAmp VANCE JOY May 8, StAugAmp JAMES TAYLOR & HIS ALL-STAR BAND, BONNIE RAITT & HER BAND May 8, VetsMemArena RUBEN STUDDARD LUTHER VANDROSS TRIBUTE May 9, FlaThtr JOE BONAMASSA May 10, StAugAmp TEMPLES May 10, JackRabb POST MALONE, 21 SAVAGE May 10, Dailys REBECCA LONG BAND May 11, Mudville STEVE FORBERT May 12, Mudville THE PAUL THORN BAND May 12, PVCHall CHOIR OF BABBLE May 12, RainDogs MARC COHN & HIS TRIO May 13, PVCHall STEELY DAN, THE DOOBIE BROTHERS May 13, Dailys BAHAMAS May 14, PVCHall OH WONDER, ASTRONOMYY May 15, PVCHall ODESZA May 16, Dailys LOVE MONKEY May 17, Cheers BLISTUR May 18, Cheers ROCK THE ’70S GALA STUDIO 54 May 19, FlaThtr JAX JAZZ PIANO COMPETITION May 24, FlaThtr DAVID CROSBY, JAMES RAYMON, MAI AGAN, STEVE DISTANISLAO, JEFF PEVAR, MICHELLE WILLIS May 27, PVCHall 4 YOUR EYEZ ONLY WORLD TOUR: J. COLE June 2, Mavericks Live JOHN FOGERTY, ZZ TOP June 5, StAugAmp THE ASSOCIATION June 7, FlaThtr ORDINARY BOYS June 9, 1904MH ROD MacDONALD June 15, Mudville SALT N PEPA, SPINDERELLA, KID ’N PLAY, COOLIO, TONE LOC, THEA AUSTIN (EX-SNAPP!), C&C MUSIC FACTORY, FREEDOM WILLIAMS June 16, StAugAmp BRIT FLOYD ECLIPSE June 17, FlaThtr REBELUTION, STEPHEN MARLEY, COMMON KINGS, ZION I, DJ MACKLE June 24, StAugAmp TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS, MARCUS KING BAND June 29, Dailys THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS, WALK THE MOON, MISTERWIVES, JOYWAVE July 1, Dailys
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC INTERACTIVE INTROVERTS WORLD TOUR 2018: DAN & PHIL July 5, StAugAmp BARENAKED LADIES, BETTER THAN EZRA, KT TUNSTALL July 6, StAugAmp COHEED & CAMBRIA, TAKING BACK SUNDAY July 8, Dailys SLIGHTLY STOOPID, PEPPER, STICK FIGURE July 19, StAugAmp OAK RIDGE BOYS July 20, Thrsh-HrnCtr THE STEVE MILLER BAND, PETER FRAMPTON July 20, StAugAmp CHICAGO, REO SPEEDWAGON July 22, Dailys DON McCLEAN July 27, PVCHall DISPATCH, NAHKO & MEDICINE FOR THE PEOPLE, RAYE ZARAGOZA July 29, StAugAmp VANS WARPED TOUR: 30H!3, THE INTERRUPTERS, KNUCKLE PUCK, MAYDAY PARADE, REEL BIG FISH, STATE CHAMPS, THIS WILD LIFE, WATERPARKS, ISSUES, LESS THAN JAKE, THE MAINE, MOVEMENTS, REAL FRIENDS, SIMPLE PLAN, TONIGHT ALIVE, WE THE KINGS, THE AMITY AFFLICTION, CHELSEA GRIN, DEEZ NUTS, ICE NINE KILLS, KUBLAI KHAN, MYCHILDREN MYBRIDE, SHARPTOOTH, TWIZTID, WAGE WAR, AUGUST BURNS RED, CROWN THE EMPIRE, DAYSEEKER, EVERY TIME I DIE, IN HEARTS WAKE, MOTIONLESS IN WHITE, NEKROGOBLIKON, UNEARTH, AS IT IS, ASSUMING WE SURVIVE, BROADSIDE, CAPSTAN, DOLL SKIN, DON BROCO, GRAYSCALE, MAKEOUT, PALAYE ROYALE, SLEEP ON IT, STORY UNTOLD, TRASH BOAT, WITH CONFIDENCE, FAREWELL WINTERS, LIGHTERBURNS Aug. 2, Old Cypress Lot near Met Park O.A.R. Aug. 5, Dailys JASON MRAZ, BRETT DENNAN Aug. 17, Dailys BLUES, BREWS & BBQ Aug. 23, FlaThtr SUWANNEE ROOTS REVIVAL Oct. 11-14, SpiritSuwannee GENE WATSON Oct. 13, PVCHall STEEP CANYON RANGERS Oct. 14, FlaThtr FORQ Feb. 13, 1904MH FAREWELL YELLOW BRICK ROAD TOUR: ELTON JOHN March 15, VetsMemArena
LIVE MUSIC CLUBS
AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA
THE SALTY PELICAN, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811 Two Dudes from Texas 6 p.m. March 8. Kevin Ski 7 p.m. March 9. Lance Neely, Davis Turner March 10. Sam MacDonald, Aaron Koerner March 11. Live music most weekends SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 King Eddie & the Pili Pili Band 6 p.m. March 7. Tad Jennings March 8. Hupp 1 p.m. March 9. JCnMike March 11. Cassidy Lee March 12. Mark O’Quinn March 13
AVONDALE + ORTEGA
CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free Tue. & Thur. Indie dance Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance Fri. MONTY’S/SHORES LIQUOR, 3644 St. Johns Ave., 389-1131 Live music most weekends
THE BEACHES
(ALL VENUES IN JAX BEACH UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED) ATLANTIC BEACH BREWING CO., 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 3 & 15, Atlantic Beach, 372-4116 Ciaran Sontag 8 p.m. March 10 BLUE JAY LISTENING ROOM, 412 N. Second St., 834-1315 Sean Clark, Uncle Dave Griffin, Willis Gore 8 p.m. March 7. Sarah Shook & the Disarmers 8 p.m. March 8. Resonant Rogues March 9. Billy Buchanan March 10. Keith Harkin March 11. Bay Kings Band March 12. GREEN ROOM BREWING, 228 Third St. N., 201-9283 Robbie Litt March 9. D-Lo Thompson March 10 GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov 7:30 p.m. Wed. Michael Smith Thur. Milton Clapp Fri. Under the Bus Sat. Robert Eccles Sun. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Trev Barnes March 9. Ben Lewis, NDKA March 10. Live music nightly MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Gypsies Ginger Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer Thur. Mezza Shuffle Mon. Trevor Tanner Tue. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Neil Dixon March 7. Vox March 8. Sidewalk 65 March 9 & 10. Wing Bone Dixie March 11 SURFER THE BAR, 200 First St. N., 372-9756 Tad Jennings 9 p.m. March 7. New Rock Soul 9 p.m. March 8. South City March 10. Colin Paterson March 13. Matt Henderson March 14 WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973 Hindsite March 8. South of Savannah March 9. Take Cover March 10.
CAMDEN COUNTY, GA
CAPTAIN STAN’S Smokehouse, 700 Bedell Dr., Woodbine, 912-729-9552 Touch of Grey March 23. Live music every weekend
DOWNTOWN
32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N., 345-5760 John Kadlecik Band, Stoop Kids 8 p.m. March 7. Naughty Professor, Chali 2NA, Holey Miss Moley, Electric Kif 8 p.m. March 8. DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ Brandon Thur. DJ NickFresh Sat. DJ Randall Mon. DJ Hollywood Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jacksonville Landing, 374-1247 Jig to a Milestone 11 a.m.-2 p.m., Searson 3-7 p.m., JFRD Pipes & Drums 7-9 p.m., Rathkeltair 9 p.m. March 17 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 353-1188 Making Sum Noise, Double Down March 7. WildFire Rising 6-10 p.m. March 8. Lonely Highway 7 p.m.-mid. March 9. Jason Evans Band 7 p.m.-mid. March 10. Cain’t Never Could 5-9 p.m. March 11. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Corey Smith 8 p.m. March 17. Joe Buck, DJ Justin Thur.-Sat. MYTH NIGHTCLUB, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 Midnight Tyrannosaurus March 9. A Pisces Affair March 10
FLEMING ISLAND
BOONDOCKS, 2808 Henley Rd., Green Cove, 406-9497 Mark Johns 6 p.m. March 8. Jonathan Lee, Cliff Dorsey March 9. Ryan Campbell March 10. Lyndie Burris March 15. Ashton Taylor, Souls of Joy, Paul Ivey March 16 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Ginger Beard Man 9 p.m. March 9. Area 51 9 p.m. March 10. Cortnie Frasier March 11
INTRACOASTAL
CLIFF’S, 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, 645-5162 Last Stand March 8. Second Shot March 9 & 10. JERRY’S, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Spectra 8:30 p.m. March 9. Rip Currents 8:30 p.m. March 10
MANDARIN
ENZA’S, 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 109, 268-4458 Brian Iannucci March 7 & 11 TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210, St. Johns, 819-1554 Jay Garrett & the Pack March 9. Chuck Nash March 10. Mark Stevens March 11
ORANGE PARK + MIDDLEBURG
CHEERS PARK AVENUE, 1138 Park Ave., 269-4855 Love Monkey 9:30 p.m. March 8. Jo & the Sauce, OzoneBaby 5 p.m. March 9. Ozone Baby 9:30 p.m. March 10 DEE’S MUSIC BAR, 2141 Loch Rane Blvd., Ste. 140, 375-2240 Love Monkey March 10. Fratello March 17. Live music most weekends THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael on the piano every Tue.-Sat. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 DJs Jamie & Big Mike every Thur.
PONTE VEDRA
TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Rachel Warfield, Eric Charlton March 7. Scott Elley March 8. Tier 2 March 9. Hello Celia & the Flood March 10. Cortnie Frazier March 14
RIVERSIDE + WESTSIDE
ACROSS THE STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Bill Ricci 5 p.m. March 8 & 9 DALTON’S SPORTS GRILL, 2620 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 17, 282-1564 Paul Wayne March 8 MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Propaganda, Joseph Solomon March 9. Nineteen Hundred March 10 NIGHTHAWKS, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd. Zion I, Le Special 8 p.m. March 8. Young Ghosts, The Hereafter, Deadland March 10 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Volur, 1476, Ether, Xaeus, Transit 8 p.m. March 9 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Kevin McCormack Morning Yoga 9 a.m., Pine Forest School of the Arts 10:30 a.m., Nikki Talley 11:45 a.m., Three Hearts Dance 2:15 p.m. March 10
ST. AUGUSTINE
CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Vinny Jacobs 2 p.m. March 11 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Lobo Marino March 8. Swell Fellas March 9. Vibrant Troubadours March 12. PROHIBITION KITCHEN, 119 St. George St., 209-5704 Leelynn Osborn, Cookin’ in the Kitchen 6 p.m. March 7 & 14. Ramona Trio, LPIII March 8. Chris Thompson Band, Displace March 9. Raisin Cake Orchestra March 10. The WillowWacks March 11. Kristen Lee March 12. Colton Trio, Chelsea Saddler March 13. TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Pl., 342-0286 Jay Bird 7 p.m. March 8. Jax English Salsa Band 6 p.m. March 11. Bluez Dudez, Soulo March 13
SAN MARCO
DOUBLETREE, 1201 Riverplace Blvd., 398-8800 Live music 4:30 p.m. every Thur. JACK RABBITS, 15280 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Sonreal, Davie 8 p.m. March 8. Coast Modern, The Technicolors, Netherfriends March 9. Kolars, Escondido, The Kate Rays March 10. Raising Cadence, A Wolf Amongst Sheep, Fernway, Voodoo Fix March 11. Drugstore Gypsies March 13. MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Tom & Natalie, Belle of the Fall March 8. Sideline 7 p.m. March 10. River City Rhythm Kings 7 p.m. March 12.
SOUTHSIDE, ARLINGTON & BAYMEADOWS
MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955 Barrett Jockers 9 p.m. March 8. Ken & Kelly Maroney March 9. Paul Ivey March 10 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Fratello March 9. Party Cartel March 10. Sunday Sessions March 11. Melissa Smith open mic every Wed.
SPRINGFIELD + NORTHSIDE
HYPERION BREWING CO., 1740 N. Main St., 518-513 Live music most weekends & 2:30 p.m. every Sun. SHANTYTOWN PUB, 22 W. Sixth, 798-8222 Live music most weekends
______________________________________ To list your band’s gig, please send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, and a contact number to print to Madeleine Peck Wagner, email madeleine@ folioweekly.com or by the U.S. Postal Service, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a spaceavailable basis. Deadline is at noon every Wednesday for the next Wednesday’s publication.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33
FOLIO DINING
Owners Al Waldis and T.J. Pelletier aimed to open a seafood place with a fun atmosphere in Fernandina Beach. Mission accomplished with SALTY PELICAN on Front Street.
AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA BEACH
BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. On the water at Centre Street’s end. Southern hospitality, upscale atmosphere; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com. F Family-owned café in historic building. Worldly fare, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts, sourcing fresh veggies, seafood. Dine in or al fresco under oakshaded patio. Microbrew Karibrew Pub brews beer onsite; imports. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season THE CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrabtrap.com. F For nearly 40 years, family-ownedand-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L Sa-M; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 474272 S.R. 200, 844-2225. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriverpizza.net. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20-plus toppings, pie/slice. Calzones. $ BW TO L D M-Sa THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassauhealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juices, herbal teas, coffees, daily specials. $$ K TO B L M-Sa POINTE RESTAURANT, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. In award-winning inn Elizabeth Pointe Lodge. Seaside dining; in or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily, full lunch menu. Homestyle soups, specialty sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW K B L D Daily
DINING DIRECTORY KEY AVERAGE ENTRÉE COST $ $$
$
< $10
$$$
10- $20
$$$$
$
20-$35 > $35
ABBREVIATIONS & SPECIAL NOTES BW = Beer/Wine
L = Lunch
FB = Full Bar
D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted Free Folio Weekly Bite Club Event F = Folio Weekly Distribution Spot
K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch
To list your restaurant, call your account manager or call or text SAM TAYLOR, Folio Weekly publisher, at 904-860-2465 (email: staylor@folioweekly.com). 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
THE SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Oceanfront. Award-winning handmade crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor balcony, playground. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310, traysburgerstation.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/ favorite. Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa
ARLINGTON + REGENCY
LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.
AVONDALE + ORTEGA
FOOD ADDICTZ GRILL, 1044 Edgewood Ave. S., 240-1987. F Family-and-veteran-owned place is all about home cooking. Customer faves: barbecued pulled pork, blackened chicken, Caesar wrap and Portobello mushroom burger. $ K TO B L D Tu-Su HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 1, 381-6670, mojobbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/ favorite. Pulled pork and Carolina-style barbecue. Delta fried catfish. Avondale’s Mojo has shrimp & grits, specialty cocktails. Local musicians on weekends. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. 40+ years. Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher, USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. Fri. & Sat. fish fry. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurantorsay.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simplysaras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Tu-Sa, B Sa SOUTH KITCHEN & SPIRITS, 3638 Park St., 475-2362, south.kitchen. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Southern classics: crispy catfish with smoked gouda grits, family-style fried chicken, burgers, vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free options. $$ FB K TO L D Daily
BAYMEADOWS
AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. INDIA’S, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajaxcom. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35
DINING DIRECTORY METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Since 1989, the family-owned place has offered an extensive menu of traditional Thai, vegetarian, new-Thai; curries, seafood, noodles, soups. Low-sodium & gluten-free. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Sa THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, glass/bottle wines. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. Gluten-free pizzas, desserts. HH specials. $$ BW K TO L M-F; D Tu-Sa WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Popular gastropub has craft beers, gourmet burgers, handhelds, signature plates, tacos and–sure–whiskey. HH M-F. $$ FB B Sa & Su; L F; D Nightly
BEACHES
(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)
ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM SUBS, 204 Third Ave. S., 241-3663. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. Fresh ingredients, 25+ years. Huge salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. Grom has Sun. brunch, no alcohol. $ K BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201, 374-5735. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. BREEZY COFFEE SHOP WINE BAR, 235 Eighth Ave. S., 241-2211, breezycoffeeshopcafe.com. Local beachy coffee & wine shop by day; wine bar by night. Fresh baked pastries, breakfast sandwiches all day. Grab-n-Go salads, cheeses, hummus. $ BW K TO B L D Daily The CRAFT PIZZA CO., 240 Third St. N., Neptune Beach, 853-6773, thecraftpizzaco.com. F Al Mansur’s new place has innovative pies made with locally sourced ingredients. Dine inside or out. $$ BW L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680, flyingiguana.com. 2017 Best of Jax
OUTERBANKS SPORTS BAR & GRILLE, 140 The Lakes Blvd., Ste. H, Kingsland, 912-729-5499. Fresh seafood, burgers, steaks, wings. $$ FB TO D Nightly
DOWNTOWN
BELLWETHER, 100 N. Laura St., 802-7745, bellwetherjax.com. Elevated Southern classics in an understated setting, with chef/owner Jon Insetta’s focus on flavors, and chef Kerri Rogers’ culinary creativity. The Northeast Florida menu changes seasonally. Rotating local craft beers, regional spirits, cold brew coffee program. $$ FB TO L M-F CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth, 356-8282, casadoraitalian.com. F Serving Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com. F Scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F & Sa SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB, 15 N. Ocean St., 844-5000, spliffsgastropub.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Music venue has munchie apps, mac & cheese dishes, pockets, gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches. HH M-F. $ BW L D M-Sa URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay, Ste. 102, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Locally roasted whole bean brewed coffees, espressos, pastries, smoothies, bagels. Chicken/tuna salad, sandwiches. WiFi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND EXPRESS, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH M-F. $ FB L M-F; D W-Sa
FLEMING ISLAND
GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE RIVERSIDE. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AVONDALE. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteysfishcamp.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly
TANYA BORRERO-BORRELI
BIG SHOTS!
Rogue
927 King St. • Riverside Born in: Fort Riley, KS Years in Biz: 10 Favorite Bar: Cellar 6 (St. Augustine) Favorite Cocktail Style: CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH (Rogue people will understand)
Go-To Ingredients: Ginger, water and anything with barely any calories Hangover Cure: Pedialyte and complaining Will Not Cross My Lips: Rumplemintz & any browns (Besides Bird Dog Chocolate) Insider’s Secret: Keep smiling even when you're mad When You Say, "The Usual": Water no ice please
winner. Latin American: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB TO L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. F Classic Old World Roman fare, big Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO L R D Tu-Su HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 241 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 425-1025. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 1534 3rd St. N., 853-6817. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AVONDALE. M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, shackburgers.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes. Dine indoors or out. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 1585 N. Third St., 458-1390. 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE MANDARIN. RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD & GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 34 years and counting, the iconic seafood place serves blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH, brunch Sun. $$ FB L D Daily WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE BAYMEADOWS.
CAMDEN COUNTY, GEORGIA
36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
CAPTAIN STAN’S SMOKEHOUSE, 700 Bedell Dr., Woodbine, 912-729-9552. Barbecue, sides, hot dogs, burgers, desserts. Dine in or out on picnic tables. $$ FB K TO L & D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 6586 GA. Hwy. 40 B6, St. Marys, 912-576-7006. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.
INTRACOASTAL WEST
AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. 30 years of awesome gourmet pizza, baked dishes. All day HH M-Th. $ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.
MANDARIN + NW ST. JOHNS
AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199, athenscafejax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. 20+ years of Greek fare, serving dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Greek beers. Vegetarian-friendly. Full bar. Early bird menu Mon.-Fri. $$ FB L M-F; D M-Sa FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily JAX DINER, 5065 St. Augustine Rd., 739-7070, jaxdiner.com. Simple name, simple concept: Local. Chef Roderick “Pete” Smith, a local culinary expert with nearly 20 years under his apron, uses locally sourced ingredients from area farmers, vendors and the community for American and Southern dishes. Seasonal brunch. $ K TO B L M-F, D F METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200, mojobbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AVONDALE. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Organic soups, baked items, sandwiches, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie, coffee bar. All-natural beer/wine. $ BW TO K B L D Daily
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37
DINING DIRECTORY BITE-SIZED N S New Southside h id restaurant lets you DO IT YOURSELF
OVERSET
THE HEAT
IS ON
LITTLE PLATES OF OF VEG VEGGIES GGI GIES ES ZZOOM O M AROUND AS OO you’re lulled by the gently bubbling hot pot and aromas of the brand-new HotSpot Korean BBQ. Newly opened on the Southside, HotSpot offers a unique experience and a slightly overwhelming variety. Be ready to try new things. All-you-can-eat hot pot is a flat $23.99 for adults and $13.99 for kids 4-9 years old. As there’s boiling liquid and a grill right at your table, parents, keep an eye on those small hands. I recommend adding the all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ for an extra $3/person—it’s well worth it. For the uninitiated, a hot pot is less a soup and more a dip/cooking method; you gradually add ingredients, which are cooked in mere seconds. The broth isn’t for drinking, so feel free to ramp up the spices. There are four broth choices: original, pork bone, herb and hot and spicy. Yes, there’s a vegetarian version. Hot and spicy is flavored with Sichuan pepper, giving a flavorful kick. To me, it tastes like fall. It’s winter, so I ordered the original. Here’s where the fun part came in: building flavors.
HOTSPOT KOREAN BBQ
11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 12, 990-8888
The sauce bar has everything from soy sauce to sesame butter, fresh accoutrements like cilantro, garlic, jalapeños and more. After adding some fresh ingredients, I was ready. There is a cold bar with thinly sliced, slightly frozen meat (so it doesn’t overcook)—lamb (a must try) and brisket, seafood: half crabs, mussels, squid, and a variety of meats such as beef ribs, chicken and sliced beef, all marinated and ready for the grill on your table. A conveyor belt bar connected to every table around the room brings little bowls of veggies straight to you. HotSpot has a heck of a lot of options here, too. The bowls don’t have the vegetables’ names on them, so just grab what looks good. I recommend trying everything to find your favorite. Mushroom lovers will love Hot Spot, because there’s wood ear (fluttering little black caps) and enoki (tall, skinny, white, clumped together)—my favorite. Napa cabbage and bok choy also worked really well in the broth. One I really liked was a light, leafy green with round leaves on long stems; I think it was white amaranth greens. After wilting in the broth, they were like spinach with more texture and flavor. I would’ve eaten more had I not wanted to try everything else. As you progress through the amazing DIY adventure meal, you may require more broth. Just ask for a refill, but remember you’ll have to rebuild those flavors. This is no time to play it safe. Try things you usually don’t—there’s zero risk. Get there early and don’t be in a rush; savor the experience. The staff isn’t set up for reservations yet and the place serves only dinner so far. You wouldn’t want to go there every night, but the ideal gathering place is a must-try. Brentley Stead biteclub@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ If you have a recommendation, shoot me an email at biteclub@folioweekly.com. 38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
ORANGE PARK
THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club.com. Southern fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 36+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611, roadhouseonline.net. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Sandwiches, wings, burgers, quesadillas for 35+ years. 75+ imported beers. Live music. $ FB L D Daily SPRING PARK COFFEE, 328 Ferris St., Green Cove Springs, 531-9391, springparkcoffee.com. F Cozy shop; freshroasted Brass Tacks coffee, handcrafted hot & cold drinks, specialty lattes, cappuccino, macchiato, teas, pastries, sandwiches, breakfast. $ B L D Daily
PONTE VEDRA BEACH
AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. M SHACK NOCATEE, 641 Crosswater Pkwy., 395-3575. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 340 Front St., Ste. 700, 513-8422. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO.
RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS + WESTSIDE
13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Authentic Mediterranean cuisine: chorizo, tapas, blackened cod, pork skewers, coconut mango curry chicken. Breads from scratch. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa, R Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. BIG OAK BBQ & CATERING, 1948 Henley Rd., Middleburg, 214-3041. 1440 Dunn Ave., 757-2225, bigoakbbqfl.com. Family-owned-and-operated barbecue joints have smoked chicken, pulled pork, ribs, sides and stumps, which sounds damn good. $$ K TO L D M-Sa BLACK SHEEP, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Specials, rooftop bar. HH. $$$ FB R Sa & Su; L M-F; D Nightly BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Ste. 1, 855-1181, boldbeancoffee.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Small-batch, artisanal approach to sourcing and roasting single-origin, direct-trade coffees. Signature blends, hand-crafted syrups, espressos, craft beers. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com. Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su CUMMER CAFÉ, Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummer.org. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Light lunch, quick bites, locally roasted coffee, espresso-based drinks, sandwiches, desserts, daily specials. Dine in or in gardens. $ BW K L D Tu; L W-Su
EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2017 Best of Jax winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches. Dine outside at some E-Sts. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, veggies. Artisanal cheeses, 300 craft, import beers, 50 organic wines, produce, meats, vitamins, herbs, wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls: BBQ pork char sui, beef haw fun, Hawkers baos, chow faan, grilled Hawker skewers. $ BW TO L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. Casual spot offers made-to-order sandwiches, wraps. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES. SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Fresh vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens/rice, change daily. Sandwiches, coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0047, sunraycinema.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. First-run, indie and art films screened. Beer, local drafts, wine, pizza–Godbold, Black Lagoon Supreme–hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside Ave., Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Inside/patio. $$ BW L D Daily
ST. AUGUSTINE
AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. The CORAZON CINEMA & CAFE, 36 Granada St., 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com. F Sandwiches, combos, salads and pizza are served at the cinema house, showing indie and first-run movies. $$ Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridianstaug.com. Updated Southern fare; fresh, local ingredients. Vegetarian, gluten-free options. Signature fried green tomato bruschetta, blackened fish cornbread stack; grits w/shrimp/fish/tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F 34+ years. Varied urban cuisine menu changes twice daily. Signature: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288, mardibar.com. F Lively spot has wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264, mojobbq. com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE AVONDALE. SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A, 217-3256. F SEE BEACHES. WOODPECKER’S BACKYARD BBQ, 4930 S.R. 13, 531-5670, woodpeckersbbq.weebly.com. F Smoked fresh daily.
Bistro/wine bar/crêperie THE PATIO PLACE offers a global menu, served in an atmosphere that promotes gathering together, on Ash Street in Fernandina.
Brisket, ribs, pork, sausage, turkey: in sandwiches, plates by the pound. 8 sauces, 10 sides. $$ TO L D Tu-Su
SAN MARCO + SOUTHBANK
THE BEARDED PIG SOUTHERN BBQ & BEER GARDEN, 1224 Kings Ave., 619-2247, thebeardedpigbbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Barbecue joint Southern style: brisket, pork, chicken, sausage, beef; veggie platters. $$ BW K TO Daily BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox.com. F Mediterranean/French inspired menu changes seasonally. 250+ wines. Wood-fired oven-baked, grilled specialties: pizza, pasta, risotto, steaks, seafood. Hand-crafted cocktails, specialty drinks. Dine outside. HH M-F. $$$ FB L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 1905 Hendricks Ave. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. Upscale; fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, katsu, seafood. $$ K L D Daily HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609, havanajax.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. Bite Club certified. Cuban sandwiches are the real thing: big, thick, flattened. Traditional fare: black beans & rice, plantains, steaks, seafood, chicken & rice, roast pork. Spanish wine, drink specials, mojitos, Cuba libres. Nonstop HH. $ FB K L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metrodinercom. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This one serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasanmarco.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; tapas, wood-fired pizza. Seasonal local produce, meats. Craft beer (some local), award-winning wine. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily
SOUTHSIDE + TINSELTOWN
ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Open 50 years. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. F Pacific Islander fare, chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES.
SPRINGFIELD + NORTHSIDE
ANDY’S GRILL, 1810 W. Beaver St., 354-2821, jaxfarmersmarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Inside Jax Farmers Market. Local, regional, international produce. Breakfast, sandwiches. $ B L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. UPTOWN KITCHEN & BAR, 1303 Main St. N., 355-0734, uptownmarketjax.com. F Bite Club certified. Fresh fare, innovative menus, farm-to-table selections, daily specials. $$ BW TO B L Daily
PINT-SIZED
METHOD
MATTERS
Yes, there’s a RIGHT WAY to pour a Guinness pint ST. PATRICK’S DAY IS JUST A FEW DAYS OFF, AND many Irish and wanna-be Irish revelers will be going to pubs and bars across the land. Many will reach for that quintessential Irish brew to refresh and fortify them through the long celebration. Guinness is synonymous with the wearing o’ the green, and knowing the proper way to pour a pint of black is important to understanding why it takes a few extra minutes for the bartender to deliver your draft. Getting a perfect pint of Guinness begins with the special tap that’s used. The tap, longer than a standard, tapers to a narrow outlet. This unique faucet has a restrictor plate with of five discs that compresses the liquid as it passes through, creating little nitrogen bubbles that create the creamy foam head for which Guinness is famous. Because Guinness is carbonated with nitrogen in conjunction with carbon dioxide, pouring the beloved brew is an art that requires a bit more than simply pulling a pint. To get a perfect pour, the gas mixture fed into the tap should be 75 percent nitrogen and 25 percent CO2 at a pressure of between 30 and 40 pounds per square inch. While this may all sound rather technical, it’s the essential preliminary setup that makes the stout so special. Once the tap is configured properly, it’s time to draw a glass of “the black stuff,” even though it’s really a deep ruby red. Pouring Guinness is a five-step process; each step should be carefully completed so as to achieve the perfect pint.
1. USE THE RIGHT GLASS
As it is with many beers, choosing the appropriate glassware assures that the brew is presented in its finest form. Guinness recommends using a tulip glass, which is designed to allow the nitrogen bubbles to
flow down, as well as trap the aromas near the glass rim. Before pouring, inspect the glass for cleanliness and ensure it’s dry.
OVERSET
2. 45 DEGREES
For best results, hold the glass at a 45-degree angle to the tap—without letting it touch the glass. It’s important that you never let the faucet actually touch the glass. Never pour straight down to the bottom of the glass, to ensure the beer will have its characteristic lightness.
3. ONLY THREE-QUARTERS FULL
Unlike most beers that are poured until the glass is full, Guinness should be poured only until the glass is three-quarters full. Then comes the hard part: Let the beer rest for a few minutes.
4. LET GUINNESS REST
Set the three-quarters-full glass on the counter. The resting period allows the nitrogen bubbles to float down the side of the glass and then return to the top by flowing up through the middle of the beer. This process creates the creamy head Guinness lovers find so appealing. Ideally, a pint of Guinness should rest for about two minutes.
5. FINISH THE POUR
After the rest period, the pint is ready to be topped off. Bring the glass back to the tap and pour straight down the middle, until the head is just below the rim of the glass. As you enjoy the festivities this St. Patrick’s Day, try to remain patient when your bartender pours your Guinness. The short wait will pay off as you raise the pint of perfection.
Marc Wisdom marc@folioweekly.com
PINT-SIZED BREWERS’ COMMUNITY A1A ALE WORKS 1 King St., Ste. 101, St. Augustine
BOTTLENOSE BREWING 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, Jacksonville
OLD COAST ALES 300 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine
AARDWOLF BREWING COMPANY 1461 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville
DOG ROSE BREWING CO. 77 Bridge St., St. Augustine
PINGLEHEAD BREWING COMPANY 12 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park
ANCIENT CITY BREWING 3420 Agricultural Ctr. Dr., St. Augustine
ENGINE 15 BREWING CO. DOWNTOWN 633 Myrtle Ave. N., Jacksonville.
RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD & GRILL 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach
ANHEUSER-BUSCH 1100 Ellis Rd. N., Jacksonville
ENGINE 15 BREWING CO. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, Jax Beach
RIVER CITY BREWING COMPANY 835 Museum Cir., Jacksonville
ATLANTIC BEACH BREWING COMPANY 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 3, Atlantic Beach
GREEN ROOM BREWING, LLC 228 Third St. N., Jax Beach
SOUTHERN SWELLS BREWING CO. 1312 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach
BOG BREWING COMPANY 218 W. King St., St. Augustine
HYPERION BREWING COMPANY 1740 Main St. N., Jacksonville
VETERANS UNITED CRAFT BREWERY 8999 Western Way, Ste. 104, Jacksonville
BOLD CITY BREWERY 2670 Rosselle St., Ste. 7, Jacksonville
INTUITION ALE WORKS 929 E. Bay St., Jacksonville
WICKED BARLEY BREWING COMPANY 4100 Baymeadows Rd., Jacksonville
BOLD CITY DOWNTOWN 109 E. Bay St., Jacksonville
MAIN AND SIX BREWING COMPANY 1636 Main St. N., Jacksonville
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39
CHEFFED-UP Update the ONE-PAN, all-processed classic
KING OF THE CAN MY WIFE USED TO TRAVEL FOR BUSINESS quite frequently. Sadly, this would NOT make me the legendary wild and crazy bachelor. You know, the old stereotypes of the husband left to fend for himself: eating take-out food all week, never washing a dish, dirty laundry scattered about, empty liquor bottles on the counters … in other words, completely disregarding all things considered to be “woman’s work.” Then there’s the other version: wife leaves poor helpless husband home while she travels. In this version, the wife would work for days to prepare meals and freeze them for the incompetent, clueless husband. These meals were inevitably the classic casseroles. Ahhh, casserole … just saying thy name sends chills down my spine, and not in a good way. This one-dish-wonder meal was extensively promoted by the processed food industry the 1960s and ’70s to save poor overworked housewives from the drudgery of preparing labor-intensive meals. How thoughtful. Then she could concentrate on more important projects like … watching soap operas? And what’s more important than dinner? See, most commercials during the soaps (which I watched while home sick—I swear) were sponsored by companies like Campbell’s, Jolly Green Giant, Del Monte, etc. These were the decades when food manufacturers figured out that if you included simple recipes with their highly processed products, the consumer would buy even more of their products. Brilliant! Say hello to tuna casserole! This classic really gave an electric can-opener a workout, with a can of Star-Kist, a can of peas, a can of cream of chicken soup, a can of fried onions and some canned bread crumbs. Have no fear—you can actually use fresh cheese—but why bother when there’s canned Kraft parmesan? It’s rather hard to believe people actually consumed this stuff, but they did and some nostalgic folks still do. The casserole craze is still with us and I, for one, am all in. In the modern version, we embrace the convenient one-
pan concept but utilize fresh, thoughtfully prepared ingredients to fill it. Now here’s the rub: Though the dish is baked in one pan, several pans are used to prepare ingredients. Hey, that’s the only way to Chef-Up a casserole. If your partner is leaving for a few days and you can’t guilt them into making a few casseroles beforehand, this modern pasta salad will keep you happy while you scatter empty liquor bottles all over the counters.
LEMON CONFIT & ORZO PASTA SALAD
Ingredients • 10 oz. uncooked orzo pasta • 3 tbsp. lemon confit, very small dice • 1 small onion, small dice • 1/2 red bell pepper, small dice • 2 garlic cloves, minced • 1/2 cup Kalamata olives, chopped • 3/4 cup soppresatta, small dice • 2 tsp. Dijon mustard • 1 tsp. sherry vinegar • 2 tsp. lemon confit juice • 1/2 cup olive oil, plus extra to • moisten pasta 4 tbsp. chopped herbs 3/4 cup goat cheese, crumbled Salt and pepper to taste Directions 1. Cook the orzo to al dente. Drain and 1. lightly toss with olive oil. 2. Combine the Dijon, lemon juice, 1. vinegar and garlic in a bowl. Whisk 1. together. Continuing to whisk, slowly 1. add olive oil in a gentle stream. 3. Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper. 4. Mix cooled pasta with all ingredients. 1. Adjust seasoning. Until we cook again,
Chef Bill Thompson cheffedup@folioweekly.com
___________________________________
Email Chef Bill Thompson, owner of Fernandina’s Amelia Island Culinary Academy, at cheffedup@folioweekly.com, for inspiration and to get Cheffed-Up!
CHEFFED-UP CHEF CH EFFE FED D-UP UP G GROCERS’ RO R OCERS’ S COMMUNITY COM CO MMUNITY BUYGO 22 S. Eighth St., Fernandina Beach EARTH FARE 11901-250 Atlantic Blvd., Arlington JACKSONVILLE FARMERS MARKET 1810 W. Beaver St., Westside NATIVE SUN 11030 Baymeadows Rd., Jacksonville 10000 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin 1585 N. Third St., Jax Beach 40 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
PUBLIX 1033 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine ROWE’S 1670 Wells Rd., Orange Park 8595 Beach Blvd., Southside THE SAVORY MARKET 474380 S.R.-200, Fernandina Beach TERRY’S PRODUCE Buccaneer Trail, Fernandina Beach WHOLE FOODS 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin
Latest MDMJ battle pits LONE STAR STATE tween against the feds
M.D. M.J.
TOKIN’
TEXAN EVERY GREAT STORY NEEDS A GREAT VILLAIN, OR at least a serviceable one. This is especially true in politics. Activism is about energy and passion, and nothing stimulates passion like personalities, whether it’s a charismatic advocate who can motivate the rank and file, or a noxious toady who makes people want to work themselves ragged, just to deal them a public defeat. And when it comes to medical marijuana, nobody embodies the phrase “noxious toady” quite like Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who has gone out of his way to cast himself as the central villain in this ongoing drama. It all started with his comments in December, in which he positioned himself as the sandbag blocking the flood of pro-pot legislation sweeping the nation. And that makes sense, since he’s shaped like a sandbag, albeit with only slightly more substance. But enough ad hominems—it’s too easy. Those in favor of decriminalization have sought to personalize the issue, using stories of patients who were helped by cannabis, and those who could not be helped in time. And now it seems the hot new trend is to support it, simply for the pure escapist thrill of putting the screws to the screw, and all his fellow flatheads at the Department of “Justice.” The doughy draconian was most recently named personally as defendant in a suit brought by a bevy of citizens hoping to change the way cannabis is classified by the federal government. It’s currently listed as a Schedule I narcotic, in the same category as cocaine, heroin and BBQ (North
Carolina style). The plaintiffs represent a crosssection of society: an ex-NFL player denied access to the Minority Business Enterprise because he works in marijuana; a disabled veteran with PTSD; the father of a six-year-old with Leigh’s Disease, a lethal neurological disorder whose symptoms can be eased with pot; members of the Cannabis Cultural Association (send me a T-shirt), who correctly note the racist provenance of current cannabis law. But the real star of all this is Alexis Bortell, 12 years old and epileptic, Texan, the daughter of a disabled Navy vet, and, as of last year, a published author. (Let’s Talk About Medical Cannabis: One of the Earliest Medical Communities Seen Through the Eyes of Its Youngest Advocate is available on Amazon, just like everything else.) She moved to Colorado for treatment, and medical marijuana ended the seizures that had plagued her all her life. Now, thanks to Sessions, she’s a celebrity with more upside than one of those big woks you see in Asian street markets. The lawsuit was reluctantly dismissed by the Second Circuit of New York, but all indications are that they’re just getting started. You know the old saying, “Don’t mess with Texas”? Well, it looks like Jeff Sessions might end up learning that the hard way, and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Shelton Hull mail@folioweekly.com ___________________________________
OVERSET
Got questions about medical marijuana? Let us answer them. Send inquiries to mail@folioweekly.com.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 41
PET PARENTING FOLIO FOLI LIO O LIVING L VI LI VING NG GD DEAR EA
DAVI
Finding your pet’s IDEAL CARETAKER is important
ADVENTURES IN
PET-SITTING IN TODAY’S TECH-SAVVY WORLD, WE HAVE A bowlful of options when it comes to finding the pawfect pet sitter. Five years ago, you might’ve been stuck relying on a reluctant neighbor or relative. Today, you can hop online to connect with a loving pet-sitter who’ll treat your pet like family while you’re away. I did an informal poll at the park recently, asking pals what must-have qualities a wag-worthy pet-sitter needs. Here’s what they said, starting with those who barked most often:
MASTER AT READING ANIMALS
A good pet-sitter should always be asking the big questions, like, “What is the animal trying to tell me?” They must understand animal behavior from the inside out and be able to handle all kinds of quirks, like my strange knack for barking at an orange bowl for no particular reason. My quick-thinking sitter saved the day by pouring food on the floor, which not only filled my belly, but quieted my anxiety.
CALM
All pets know life doesn’t always go according to plan. Being a good pet-sitter requires significant patience and the ability to maintain control in unexpected circumstances. Staying cool is key so we don’t feel panicked and react to chaos.
LOVE PETS
Let’s face it, pets are strange, wonderful and challenging creatures. It takes a special someone to recognize our personal needs and take proper action to reassure us that everything will be all right and nothing’s on fire. A good pet-sitter will show a genuine concern—and adoration for all pets, and not leave us alone at the front door waiting for our human.
RELIABLE
Mealtime is mealtime, no exceptions. A reliable sitter knows the signs of a hangry
PET TIP: ANTSY FUN IT’S NO FUN TO FIND ANTS MARCHING THROUGH your kitchen. But put them in an ant farm, and it’s mesmerizing—we could watch them work all day. If you want just a short time with them, don’t bother with a queen ant—but if you want the workers to work, you’ll need ant royalty. You can collect the ants yourself from outdoors, or get a kit from a reputable pet store. There are several websites devoted to this most subtle of hobbies, so pick your method and have fun! 42 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
hound and works with our schedule to ensure specific routines and rituals, like long walks and squeaky toy time, are kept.
TRUSTWORTHY
Handing over your keys and your pets to a stranger requires a huge level of trust. This person must be honest and able to deliver on the promise of safety and comfort. Stellar reviews, a clean record and insurance can help seal the deal, too.
READY FOR EMERGENCIES
In case something bad does happen, a proactive pet-sitter should be Johnnyon-the-spot with basic medical training, like first aid and CPR. Being able to spot illnesses a mile away and recognize when it’s crucial to get a pet to the vet are vital skills. Bonus for being able to give medication and injections or fluids without cringing. They should have a plan in place to alert a professional if something should go wrong.
EXPERIENCE
Some pets can be high maintenance and require a certain level of care—I might resemble that remark. Finding a pet-sitter with all the right tools is key—nothing beats experience. Having a working knowledge of different breeds and temperaments is paramount in offering the best care possible for each pet. Professional Pet Sitters Week, celebrated the first full week of March each year, recognizes the hard-working pet-care professionals who provide quality care to companion animals while their humans are away. To learn more about Professional Pet Sitters Week, pet-sitting as a career or to locate a professional pet-sitter, go to petsit.com.
Davi mail@folioweekly.com
____________________________________ Davi the dachshund knows being a welltrained pet makes a pet-sitter’s job easier.
LOCAL PET EVENTS MEET YOUR DOG TRAINER • Discover the educated, dedicated trainer’s Positive Dog Training philosophy, as it relates specifically to you and your dog, 5-5:15 p.m. Wednesday, March 7, 14, 21 & 28, at Petco, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., Jax Beach, 273-0964, petco.com. USDAA PALS & PAWS AGILITY TRIALS • Trials are held 8 a.m.-3 p.m. March 9, 10 & 11 at Jacksonville Equestrian Center, 13611 Normandy Blvd., 255-4254, palsandpawsagility.com. Spectator admission and parking free. READ WITH DIVA & TENOR • Children of all ages practice reading to real, live local therapy dogs, 2-3 p.m. Saturday, March 10 at Mandarin Branch Library, 3330 Kori Rd., 262-5201, jaxpubliclibrary.org.
ADOPTABLES
FRANCIS
OVERSET
Call Me Anytime! • I’m Francis, smoky grey and mysterious. OK, not really, just a lovable ol’ girl looking for love; at Jax Humane Society, open daily on the Southside.
POTTY TRAINING WORKSHOP • Get a basic intro to make a plan and set up a routine to potty-train your pup or dog, 5-6 p.m. Thursday, March 8 at Petco, 463713 S.R. 200, Yulee, 225-0014, petco.com. The WAIT & LEAVE IT workshop, 2-3 p.m. Sunday, March 11, is a basic introduction on the foundation behaviors “Wait” and “Leave It.” GREETING PEOPLE POLITELY workshop, 7:30-8:30 p.m. Tuesday, March 13, provides a basic introduction to manage jumping up issues. Learn the first steps to the methodology and how to apply them to teach your dog preferred behaviors. KATZ 4 KEEPS ADOPTION DAYS • Adoption hours and days to choose a new family member are 11 a.m.-3 p.m. March 10 & 11 and every Sat. and Sun. at 935B A1A N., Ponte Vedra, 834-3223, katz4keeps.org. Katz 4 Keeps seeks volunteers, ages 18 and older, to help with its cat-centric programs; email peggyhatfield63@comcast.com. READ TO ROVER • Beginning readers practice reading skills when they read to real, live certified therapy dogs, 11 a.m.-noon Saturday, March 12 at Southeast Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 827-6900, sjcpls.org. Read to Rover is also held 2:30-3:30 p.m. March 21 at Anastasia Island Branch, 124 Seagrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach.
ADOPTABLES
OPAL
Jewel of a Dog! • Hi, I’m Opal, a small, mixed-breed charmer. If I don’t capture your heart with my soulful eyes, I will with my loving affection. Go to the Jax Humane Society and ask for me; they’re open daily! Details at jaxhumane.org.
READ WITH SPIRIT THE DOG • School-age kids practice reading skills with Spirit, a real, live therapy dog who loves to listen, 2:30-3:30 p.m. March 16 at Beaches Branch Library, 600 Third St., Neptune Beach, 241-1141, jaxpubliclibrary.org. WAGS & WHISKERS PET RESCUE • The monthly dog wash is held 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Saturday, March 17 and every third Sat. at 1967 Old Moultrie Rd., St. Augustine, $10 per pet; includes a nail trim, wash and towel dry. 797-1913, 797-6093, wwpetrescue.org. DINOSAURIA • The new exhibit at the Jacksonville Zoo is open now through July 7, featuring 21 species of life-like animatronic dinos. Open 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.6 p.m. Sat. & Sun. at $4 nonmembers, $3 members; zoo admission or membership must be purchased to enter Dinosauria. 370 Zoo Parkway, Northside, 757-4463, jacksonvillezoo.org. _________________________________________ To list an event, send the name, time, date, location (complete street address, city), admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 43
FREEWILL ASTROLOGY
DALE RATERMANN’s Folio Weekly Crossword presented by
THE LION KING, GERMAN BEER, STEPHEN KING & OIL RIG DUDES
Serving Excellence Since 1928 Member American Gem Society
San Marco 2044 San Marco Blvd. 398-9741
Ponte Vedra
THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA
330 A1A North 280-1202
Avondale 3617 St. Johns Ave. 388-5406
FOLIO WEEKLY CROSSWORD 1
2
3
4
5
7
17
18
20
21
24
39
22
36 41
53
49
54 60
66
67
68
69
70
71
ACROSS 31 St. Petersburg museum subject
35 Golf’s Mattiace 38 Hairless 14 15 16 17 19 20 21 23 24 26 28 29 31 34 36 38 41 42 43 45 46 47 49 53
“Did you ___?” Tennis’ Ivanovic “Holy” city ___ River Romeo’s love TGIF part Mali capital First Coast News’ Schindler Tall cactus “Wow!” Love child Sophisticated Pod item Pecs’ kin Non-winners UF frat letter Bumper cover Cardiff citizens Tax man “Oops!” key It goes boom Trout’s home “Famous” restaurateur Social media anxiety, initially
54 Castillo de San Marcos barricade 56 Burn balm 59 Lethargy 61 Asian tongue 62 Brad Nortman, for one 64 ___ River 66 Spunky 67 “Chances ___” 68 Awestruck 69 Derrieres 70 Narc’s find 71 Trim
50
51
52
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): On April 23, 1516, the Germanic duchy of Bavaria issued a decree. From that day forward, all beer produced had to use just three ingredients: water, barley and hops. Ever since, for 500-plus years, this edict has had an enduring influence on how German beer is made. In accordance with astrological factors, proclaim your own three potent and systemic directives. It’s an opportune time to be clear and forceful on how you want your story to unfold in the future.
61 65
63
33
55
64
62
32
45 48
59
31
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): How will you celebrate your upcoming culmination? With a howl of triumph, a fist pump and three cartwheels? With a humble speech thanking all who helped along the way? With a bottle of champagne, a gourmet feast and spectacular sex? However you mark this transition from one chapter of your life story to the next, include an action to help the next chapter get a rousing start. In your completion ritual, plant seeds for the future.
42
47
58
13
37
44
57
12
27
30
35
40
46
11
23
26
43
10
19
29 34
9
16
25
28
56
8
15
14
38
6
18 22 25 27 30 31 32 33 35 37 38 39 40 41
Hoops grp. Zoo favorite JEA bill datum Catty remarks Florida Ballet rail Chum USN rank Hard wood Choir voice Sum up Type of meal Hotmail inits. Jax winter hrs. Element No. 5
44 45 48 50 51 52 53 55 56 57 58 60 63 65
CANCER (June 21-July 22): What’s your most frustrating flaw? In the next seven weeks, you have enhanced power to diminish its grip. It’s even possible you partly correct or outgrow it. To take maximum advantage of this opportunity, rise above a covert tendency you have to cling to familiar pain. Rebel against the attitude described by novelist Stephen King: “It’s hard to let go. Even when what you’re holding onto is full of thorns, it’s hard to let go. Maybe especially then.”
___ River Sent via PC Knight suits Spanish wine Capitol speaker Moe or Curly Be a go-getter Chinese leader iCal entry Doozy Obligation List abbr. Squeak by Paper route
DOWN 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 10 11 12 13
Tragic end Digital icon “C’mon!” IRS shelter David Bowie musical Charm Norman Thagard org. ___ River Texans, on scoreboards Calm Blood line Garden site Staff symbol
44 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
SOLUTION TO 2.28.18 PUZZLE S T E A P B U A P
P I A F
L O R E
E I D E R S M A N G L E R S
M I E D W A R H E R O W A E B O R U D D T O R E T O L I N D W A I O E N
W N W E E T H S D H O P P S O L Y C P A A H I N G N E M Y W A T E T H O N C O I L H Y D A A Y E I R D W A T P E R N S A Y A
S E E M S
C A R P A R O T R S G A S N C A E R E C L E
U N D O
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Men who work on offshore oil rigs perform demanding, dangerous tasks every day. If they make mistakes, they may get injured or befoul the sea with petroleum. The culture on these rigs has traditionally been macho, stoic and hard-driving. But recently, that’s changed at one company. Shell Oil’s U.S. workers were trained by Holocaust survivor Claire Nuer to talk about feelings, be willing to admit errors and soften attitudes. As a result, the company’s safety record has improved dramatically. If macho oil-rig dudes can be more vulnerable, open and expressive, so can you. Now is a propitious time to do it.
S E A R
P S E S N N S K E
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In Whistling in the Dark, author Frederick Buechner writes that the ancient Druids took “a special interest in in-between things like mistletoe, which is neither quite a plant nor quite a tree, and mist, which is neither quite rain nor quite air, and dreams, which are neither quite waking nor quite sleep.” According to my astrological omen-reading, in-between phenomena is your specialty in the weeks ahead. You’ll thrive in relationship to anything that lives in two worlds or has paradoxical qualities. Exult in educational delights from your willingness to be mystified. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The English word “velleity” refers to an empty wish with no power behind it. If you feel a longing to make a pilgrimage to a holy site, but can’t summon the motivation to really do so, you’re under the spell of velleity. Your fantasy of communicating with more flair and candor is a velleity if you never take steps to accomplish it. Most of us have this weakness at one time or another. The good news? You’re primed to overcome it in the next six weeks. Life will conspire to help if you resolve to turn wishy-washy wishes into potent action plans and then carry out those plans. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In the 2002 film Spiderman, there’s a scene where Mary Jane slips on a spilled drink as she carries a tray
full of food through a cafeteria. Spiderman, as alter ego Peter Parker, makes a miraculous save. He jumps up from his chair and catches Mary Jane before she falls. He grabs her tray and gracefully captures her apple, sandwich, milk carton and bowl of Jell-O with it before they hit the floor. The filmmakers say they didn’t use CGI for this scene. The lead actor, Tobey Maguire, allegedly accomplished it in real life—though it took 156 takes before he mastered it. Find that level of patient determination in the weeks ahead. You perform a small miracle if you do. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio mathematician Benoît Mandelbrot was a connoisseur of “the art of roughness” and “the uncontrolled element in life.” He liked to locate and study the hidden order in seemingly chaotic, messy things. “My life seemed to be a series of events and accidents,” he said. “Yet when I look back I see a pattern.” I bring his perspective to your attention, because you’re entering a phase when your life’s hidden order and secret meanings emerge. Be alert for surprising hints of coherence. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In July and August, you’ll be invited to commune with rousing opportunities and exciting escapades. But now, channel your intelligence into well-contained opportunities and sensible adventures. Projections suggest your ability to capitalize fully on the future’s rousing opportunities and exciting escapades depends on how well you master the current crop of wellcontained opportunities and sensible adventures. Making the most of today’s small pleasures qualifies you to harvest bigger pleasures later. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you saw The Lion King, you may have been impressed with the authenticity of the lions’ roars and snarls. Did the producers put microphones near actual lions? No. Voice actor Frank Welker produced the sounds by growling and yelling into a metal garbage can. This is a useful metaphor in the next few days. First, I hope it inspires you to generate a compelling, creative illusion that serves a good purpose. Second, I hope it alerts you to the possibility that others offer compelling, creative illusions in which you should engage only if they serve a good purpose. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I do a lot of self-editing before I publish what I write. My horoscopes go through at least three drafts before I unleash them on the world. While polishing my first novel’s manuscript, I threw away more than 1,000 pages of stuff I’d worked on very hard. In contrast to my approach, sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison dashed off one of his award-winning stories in a single night, publishing it without any changes to the first draft. As you work in your chosen field, for the next three weeks you’ll produce the best results being more like me than Ellison. Beginning about three weeks from now, an Ellison-style strategy might be more advisable. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): According to my astrological omen-assessment, you’re in a good phase to gain more power over fears and reduce your susceptibility to chronic anxieties. You can draw on the help and insight needed to dissipate insidious doubts rooted in habit but not based on objective evidence. I don’t want to be too melodramatic, but THIS IS AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY! YOU MAY BE ON THE VERGE OF AN UNPRECEDENTED BREAKTHROUGH! Nothing’s more important to accomplish in the weeks ahead than this inner conquest.
Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com
NEWS OF THE WEIRD WEIRD HISTORY Union College in Schenectady, New York, announced on Feb. 13 that a librarian flipping through the brown pages of a 1793 almanac found a real historical treasure: a lock of President George Washington’s hair. Librarian John Myers came upon an envelope with “Washington’s hair” written in script on it, and inside, tied with a thread, were several strands of grayish hair. Keith Beutler, associate professor of history at Missouri Baptist University and the author of the book, Washington’s Hair, told The New York Times that in Washington’s day, it wasn’t uncommon to exchange locks of hair as remembrances. “Exchanging locks of hair were like the selfies of the day,” Beutler said. Experts are examining the almanac and its provenance to determine if the hair belongs to our first president; in the meantime, college officials are learning how to preserve it.
Post-Standard, Filippidis couldn’t tell cops how he’d traveled across the country, other than he rode in a “big-rig-style truck” and “slept a lot.” The truck dropped him off in downtown Sacramento, but he was unable to explain how he got to the airport. He was taken to an area hospital.
GOD SAID GO A woman claiming to be on a mission from God led a Kentucky State Police trooper on a chase at speeds up to 120 mph on Feb. 10, finally stopping when another trooper pulled in front of her car. According to the Elizabethtown News-Enterprise, Connie Lynn Allen, 52, of Goodlettsville, Tennessee, told cops she was Mother Mary, going to pick up Baby Jesus, and God had given her permission to speed. She also said she’d died six years ago. Charged with several offenses, she’s in Hardin County lockup.
DIY KO
Staffers at a Bangor, Maine, day care called Watch Me Shine were happy to receive Valentine’s cookies made by a parent—until those who ate them started to feel high. “Within 15 minutes, teachers were reporting they had concerns about those cookies,” Tiffany Nowicki, center director, told Bangor Daily News. About 12 staff members felt the effects of the treats, which were confiscated by the cops and are being tested. “If they find something that shouldn’t be in those cookies,” Nowicki said, “that’s a big problem and we’ll make sure it’s addressed.” The day care has instituted a new policy: no outside food.
Shanghai, China, police posted a video on social media of two men trying to break into a business on Feb. 14 by using bricks to shatter the glass storefront. But as United Press International reported, when Suspect A’s brick bounced off the glass, he bent to get it and ended up in the path of Suspect B’s brick, which struck him in the head and apparently knocked him out. In the video, Suspect B can be seen dragging Suspect A away from the scene. Police remarked: “If all burglars were like this, we wouldn’t need to work overtime.”
Firefighter Constantinos “Danny” Filippidis, 49, from Toronto, was the subject of a weeklong search by more than 250 people using drones, dogs and helicopters starting Feb. 7, when he disappeared from Whiteface Mountain ski resort in New York’s Adirondacks. When he finally turned up in California at Sacramento International Airport on Feb. 13, he was still in ski pants and ski boots, and he still had his helmet, along with a new iPhone and a recent haircut. But, according to the Syracuse
Friday, March 9 is PANIC DAY. Saturday, March 10 is MIDDLE NAME PRIDE DAY. And Tuesday, March 13 is EAR MUFF DAY. OK: Despite the shame of being named for your mom’s Uncle Lipschitz, eschew the onus. And forget the jitters that rise when you fill out forms. Get outside (wear your ear muffs if it’s cold), meet new friends, one of whom (or two) could be a love.
For a chance to find the love of your life, get on your digital device, go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and follow these five easy steps: One:
CONCERNED PARENT
SNOW-DUMB
Folio Weekly helps you connect with the paramour of your dreams. Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html, fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday (for the next Wednesday’s FW) – next stop: Bliss!
GOT COKE OUT THE WAZOO! A Brazilian drug smuggler apparently didn’t know he was under investigation by the National Anti-Narcotics Trafficking Unit in Portugal when he arrived on a flight Feb. 12 wearing a set of false butt cheeks, filled with 2.2 pounds of cocaine, reported United Press International. The 32-year-old unidentified man was detained at the Tax & Customs Authority and searched, where his unusual derriere aroused suspicion. An accomplice, waiting for him at a Lisbon train station, was also arrested and charged with drug trafficking.
weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com
Write a five-word headline so the person recalls that perfect moment, like: “I was scoping out hot cars at Concours d’Elegance.” Two: Describe the person, like, “You: Agog, staring at an Auburn Speedster, knowing you’d never own one, let alone drive one.” Three: Describe yourself, like, “Me: Lifting the hood on my Speedster to show how clean the motor was, with all authentic parts.” Four: Describe the moment, like, “You said I looked like I knew my way around highend vehicles; I shrugged it off as if I didn’t care.” Five: Meet, fall in love, get a nice Porsche Carrera, garish yellow. No names, emails, websites, etc. And HEY, keep it to 40 words. Find love with Folio Weekly ISUs! STUNNING AUSTRALIAN BLOND WHOLE FOODS You: Long blond hair, black leggings, awesome accent, cruising store. Me: Brown hair, red shorts, clueless in store. Crossed paths, left chatting about vegemite. Let’s continue over a cold beverage. Cheers, diplomatic relations! When: 10:30 a.m. March 1. Where: Whole Foods San Jose. #1694-0307 DNDANGGG I was a Warlock; you, a Fighter. I cast the spells, you beat the NPC to oblivion. You had a French braid; I was impressed with your strength modifier. We campaigned six times; let’s roll a critical hit together:) When: June 2017. Where: Riverside. #1693-0221 BEAUTIFUL MAN AT DAILY’S You: Filling truck. Me: Shy blonde washing windshield. You asked, “Do you want help with that?” I was speechless; second chance? When: Feb. 1. Where: Bartram Park Daily’s. #1692-0221 CHOCOLATE STUD You: Tall, chocolate man drinking a PBR by the dance floor. Me: Tall, hot brunette, covered in ink, drooling, watching you drink your beer. Will you marry me? When: Dec. 31, 2014. Where: Birdies. #1691-0214 BLACK VELVET KITTYCAT SLIPPERS 7 a.m., didn’t want to be at Quest Diagnostics till you walked in. You: Beautiful, tiny, long, dark hair, big black horn-rimmed glasses. Me: Stocky, black NY cap, black sweatshirt, Adidas high-tops. Regret no “Hello.” Dinner? When: Feb. 2. Where: Beach Blvd. Quest Diagnostics. #1690-0207 TACO TUESDAYS We were feeding bottomless pits (our kids). You snagged last inside table, offered to share. You: Confident, beautiful, loving, enthusiastic mother. Me: Getting my head examined for not getting your number. Tacos again next week? When: Jan. 30. Where: Tijuana Flats Bartram Park. #1689-0207 MISSED YOUR LAST MESSAGES Waxed non-poetic on Sponge Bob, versions of ‘What a Fool Believes’. Easy, sweet conversation; missed messages before you ditched app (saw notifications; didn’t open). Silly to think you left number for me; feel you did. When: Dec. 28. Where: Tinder in the Duval. #1688-0117 PHOTOBOMB LIONS FOUNTAIN SAN MARCO The photographer turned into my path; I was a jerk, raised my hands. I got closer, you turned and
faced me. I sat, put my arm around you; she took our picture. Lunch? Dinner? Drinks? When: Jan. 2. Where: San Marco Square. #1687-0110 HOGWARTS EXPRESS You: Stunning smile, blonde highlights, left hand tattoo. Me: Long hair, glasses, buying brother Hedwig mug. Talked about your Universal experience. I’d be honored to wait in butter beer line with you. When: Dec. 24. Where: Ponte Vedra (Jax Beach) Books-A-Million. #1686-0103 HANDSOME ELEVATOR DUDE Rode in elevator with you, leaving. I remember your blue eyes. We were with friends. I liked you. Let’s have a drink together. Me: tall(er)?, long hair, floral dress, combat boots. Think you wore a suit. When: Dec. 15. Where: River & Post. #1685-1227 BEAUTIFUL DRESS, STOCKINGS You: In cute dress, with bow pattern, black cute-patterned stockings. I sat two tables from you and noticed you walk by me to sit down. We briefly noticed each other as I walked out. When: Dec. 7. Where: JTB Chicken Salad Chick. #1683-1213 AIRPORT CUTIE You: Dark hair, slim, black shirt, gray pants, Nixon backpack. Me: Curvy, curly short hair, leggings, leather backpack. Went to Cali same day; back same day. Wanted convo; didn’t see you. Captivating aura. Who/where are you? Don’t go! When: Nov. 15. Where: Jax Intl. Airport. #1682-1206 IN PURGATORY WITHOUT YOU You: Working D&B’s counter; took time to find me a cool card. Me: Wearing Purgatory Co. shirt; agreed Purgatory’s a strange name for beautiful place. I’d love to get lost in your eyes once more. When: Nov. 19. Where: Dave & Buster’s. #1681-1222 HAGAR CONCERT ENCOUNTER We met at Sammy Hagar, talked; you and bro came over. Looked for you again, didn’t find. Tried to find at Jags game; couldn’t. Meet sometime? I’d like that. My name starts with M; yours with T. When: Nov. 11. Where: St. Augustine Amphitheatre. #1680-1122 I THINK WE’RE ALONE NOW Me: Playing guitar, singing at Super Food. You: Entered alone, said you’d stay for one song, asked for my card, last name. I played “I Think We’re Alone Now.” I’m on Facebook. Should’ve asked your number. When: Nov. 1. Where: Super Food & Brew, Downtown. #1679-1108 MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 45
CLASSIFIEDS
YOUR PORTAL TO REACHING 95,000+ READERS WEEKLY CAREER TRAINING AIRLINE CAREERS begin here – Get started by training as FAA certified Aviation Technician. Financial aid for qualified students. Job
placement assistance. Call Aviation Institute of
Heath, Attorney at Law, PLLC, dba Lexington Law
we will train the rest! We want energetic,
Maintenance 800-725-1563 (AAN CAN)(3/7/18)
Firm. (AAN CAN)(3/14/18)
positive, punctual and self motivated people.
DATING
cyclesofjacksonville.com or you can go to
LIVELINKS - CHAT LINES. Flirt, chat and date!
DISH NETWORK-SATELLITE TELEVISION
cyclesofjacksonville.com and fill out the
Talk to sexy real singles in your area. Call now!
SERVICES. Now Over 190 channels for ONLY
employment application. EOE and drug free
1-844-359-5773. (AAN CAN)(3/14/18)
$49.99/mo! HBO-FREE for one year, FREE
work place.
HEALTH MAKE THE CALL TO START GETTING CLEAN TODAY. Free 24/7 Helpline for alcohol & drug addiction treatment. Get help! It is time to
Installation, FREE Streaming, FREE HD. Add Internet for $14.95 a month. 1-800-373-6508
PAID IN ADVANCE! Make $1000 A Week
(AAN CAN)(3/7/17)
Mailing Brochures From Home! No Experience
HELP WANTED
take your life back! Call Now: 855-732-4139.
CYCLES OF JACKSONVILLE is hiring for all
(AAN CAN)(3/14/17)
departments!! This includes Sales, Parts,
MISCELLANEOUS
46 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 7-13, 2018
SERVICES
You can email your resume to nraymond@
Finance and Service! Come join Jacksonville’s
Required. Helping home workers since 2001! Genuine Opportunity. Start Immediately! www.AdvancedMailing.net (AAN CAN)(3/7/18)
ADULT HELP WANTED
leader in power sports fun. If you have
WORK IN ADULT FILMS No experience, all
DENIED CREDIT?? Work to Repair Your Credit Report
sales experience and are sick of the 7 day
types, sizes, races, & ages(18+). Work in
With The Trusted Leader in Credit Repair. Call
a week lifestyle, we are 5 days a week and
films, magazines, or from home on live
Lexington Law for a FREE credit report summary &
no suit and tie! We are looking for male and
streaming websites. Call United Casting
credit repair consultation. 855-620-9426. John C.
female associates with a great attitude,
NOW: 212-726-2100 (AAN CAN)(3/7/18)
FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL
GOD BLESS THE
NRA
“The NRA shouldn’t be BLAMED for gun violence in America. Quite the opposite— it should be THANKED.”
AFTER EVERY MASS SHOOTING, A FEW WILD-EYED, pot-smoking liberal morons try to pin the blame for the tragedy on the National Rifle Association. They assert that the NRA has created the perfect conditions for an epidemic of gun violence by pushing incessantly for the right of every American with $400 and a pulse—mentally ill or not—to own a semiautomatic pistol or an assault rifle. Some weepy, hand-wringing sentimentalists argue that the so-called “right” of students to go to school without worrying about being killed should outweigh the God-given right of a tiny minority of Americans to stockpile enough military-grade weapons to arm numerous small countries. But the NRA’s critics have it all wrong. The NRA shouldn’t be blamed for gun violence in America. Quite the opposite—it should be thanked. First of all, the NRA isn’t just the tireless champion of all Americans’ sacred right to bear whatever arms they can afford, with the possible exception of nuclear warheads. The NRA has given us an amazing right that is rarely acknowledged: The right to be shot. This right is far more expansive, actually, than your overrated First Amendment rights. The Supreme Dorks and the Fascist Bureau of Investigation may stop you from yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater, but you can sure as hell get fired upon in a crowded theater! The right to be shot is truly unlimited. You could be shot at church, at school, at work, while sitting on the toilet … . You could enjoy the unique privilege of getting shot when someone else’s concealed weapon (or your own) goes off by mistake. Thanks to the NRA, we’re realizing how much more important the right to be shot is than those muchballyhooed rights to life, liberty and blah, blah, blah. You may be thinking, “But what if I don’t want to be shot?” Isn’t the answer obvious? Buy a gun, dummy! But even if you’re suffering from Stage IV libtarditis, you still benefit from the precious right to be shot. You see, it adds zest to life to know that every time you say goodbye to your kids in the morning, it could be your last farewell. The NRA has brought some of the thrill of the combat zone to the gray wastes of Cubicle Land. Let’s face it, America—we were getting way too soft. Only the constant fear of sudden, random death, along with a complete inability to trust anyone around us, will truly make this nation great again. The good news is that, since The Inauguration of The Donald, we have already achieved levels of greatness not seen since Vietnam, or possibly even the Civil War.
Cynical, scruffy-bearded Berkeley grads will try to tell you that the NRA promotes gun ownership, stokes gun owners’ paranoia, and blocks government research on gun violence only because these activities benefit gun and ammunition corporations, who make sure that the NRA’s coffers are full, which helps keep politicians in office who value the public’s right to be shot over any other consideration, and so on. A “vicious cycle,” the haters call it. But all economic-growthloving Americans know that people in many different industries should be lining up to thank the NRA. SWAT teams, firemen and crime scene investigators. Coffin and candle makers. Morticians. Grief counselors. Florists. And don’t forget ambulance drivers, nurses, trauma surgeons, prosthetics designers and physical therapists for the survivors. What’s a little PTSD and a few thousand hours of lost sleep when weighed against all those insurance dollars? By the way, what would the fake news media do if they didn’t have the NRA (not to mention Supreme Nixonian Overlord Trump) to kick around? How many op-ed columns, obituaries, Pulitzers and TV shouting matches do journalists ultimately owe to the NRA? Where would photographers be without those gorgeous shots of bloodstained bodies and mothers sobbing over the graves of their children? The poet Wallace Stevens was right— death really is the “mother of beauty!” And American journalists don’t have to trek to Syria or the Congo to find all that beauty—they can capture it in the (relative) safety of their own national backyard. You’re welcome, media! And let’s not forget the many intangible goods that flow from the NRA’s work. For example, on top of big campaign contributions, NRA-affiliated Republican politicians enjoy the peace of mind that comes with never having to make a decision for themselves. (At some point, the NRA may decide to skip the formalities and simply take over the U.S. Capital, but for now they find it more cost-effective to buy Republicans.) Like pet dogs and slaves, politicians such as Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan experience the profound comfort of being owned rather than having to fight for their survival in the 21st-century Beltway jungle. I’m sure you’ll agree that their comfort is worth the lives of any number of first-graders. Even families of gun homicide victims should thank the NRA. Just imagine how much stronger these folks can become as they work through their grief together. Isn’t it nice to know that the NRA provides so many victims’ families with an unlimited supply
of heartfelt sobbing hugs, genuine screams of rage and old-fashioned blank despair— absolutely free of charge? Families that fall apart, of course, will need divorce lawyers and moving vans. In other words, it’s a win-win scenario all around. POFPs (Price-of-Freedom-Payers) who are liberated from mortality may seem like victims, but they are actually winners, too. The NRA knows that modern life is basically one big cannibal wasteland. Work, taxes, relationships, fat-free cottage cheese … who needs the hassle? If you aren’t shot dead by a disgruntled ex-coworker, you may someday choose to end life on your own terms using a manly 12-gauge or a sleek Glock—a weapon you wouldn’t own if the NRA hadn’t fought and bled and died on your behalf. (Maybe you’ll decide to take a bunch of other people down with you, but the NRA can’t officially recommend that course of action.) I only hope that, as you prepare to pull the trigger and head off to your eternal reward, you’ll use your last breath to thank the good old NRA. As the years roll by, and America gets greater and greater, we can be sure that the NRA’s cornucopia of gifts will keep giving more and more bountifully. More expensive funerals. More newspapers sold and websites viewed. More families and communities united (and divided) in grief. And, always, always, always more guns. Our culture will improve dramatically as kindergartners are armed with Uzis and formerly tedious interactions with strangers at the grocery store take on all the unforgettable dramatic tension of High Noon. Until that glorious day, even if you aren’t an NRA-sian-American, don’t worry—you can keep exercising your inalienable right to be shot. And, before I forget, one last right deserves to be mentioned: your right to remain silent. One day, the NRA may succeed in getting the First Amendment “rights” of wretched RINOs and progressive pantywaists completely abolished. For now, though, there’s nothing the NRA likes better than for the overwhelming majority of Americans who support non-insane gun laws to keep their damn mouths shut.
Bart Welling mail@folioweekly.com
_____________________________________ Welling is a University of North Florida associate English professor. Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage submissions. They should be 1,200 words or fewer and on a topic of local interest and/or concern. Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Folio Weekly.
MARCH 7-13, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 47