THIS WEEK // 3.18.20-3.24.20 // VOL. 32 ISSUE 51
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OUR PICKS
BRIDGING GENRES
Scott H. Biram rolls into town Cover photo by Christopher Cardoza
COLUMNS + CALENDARS MAIL NEWS FROM THE EDITOR MAIN FEATURE
3 4 4 8
CROSSWORD ASTROLOGY NEWS OF THE WEIRD CLASSIFIEDS
11 12 13 14
WEED BACKPAGE
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EDITORIAL
EDITOR • Georgio Valentino georgio@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 COPY EDITOR • Courtney Stringfellow courtney@folioweekly.com CALENDAR EDITOR • Brianna Bostick CARTOONISTS • Ed Hall, Jen Sorensen CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Susan Clark Armstrong, Nick Blank, Brianna Bostick, Rob Brezsny, Nicole Carroll, Davi, Julie Delegal, Chris Guerrieri, Laura Hampton, Janet Harper, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, Jason Irvin, Tristan Komorny, Mary Maguire, Sarah McLaughlin, Jennifer Melville, Lindsey Nolen, Dale Ratermann, Ryan Reno, Stephanie Thompson, Madeleine Peck Wagner, Jessica Leigh Walton
DESIGN
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PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor sam@folioweekly.com / 904-860-2465 MULTIMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGERS CJ Allen cjallen946@gmail.com / ext. 140 Kathrin Lancelle klancelle@folioweekly.com / ext. 124 Sarah McLaughlin sarah@folioweekly.com / ext. 127 Quanee Smith quanee@folioweekly.com FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE PUBLISHES EVERY WEDNESDAY FOR DISTRIBUTION IN DUVAL, NASSAU, ST. JOHNS AND CLAY COUNTIES. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar items must be received two weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2020. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information available on request. Advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48/13 weeks, $96/26 weeks, $189/52 weeks. Folio Weekly is printed on 100 percent recycled paper, using soy-based inks. Please recycle issues of Folio Weekly. Application to mail at periodicals postage prices is pending at Jacksonville, Florida. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Folio Weekly, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville, FL 32202-3632.
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JOIN THESE MASTHEAD MEMBERS AT FOLIOWEEKLY.COM/SUPPORTLOCALJOURNALISM Betsy McCall • Rose McCall • David Jaffee • Dave Graney • MRE of Jax • Mark S. Rowden • Tammy Lugenia Cherry Dr. Wayne Wood • Billie Bussard • Elizabeth Sams • Georgia R Pribanic 2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
THE MAIL A TRUE TREASURE
RE.: From Broadway to the Bold City by Courtney Stringfellow, March 11 I met Milt Russos in the 1970s, when I was teaching gifted students in junior high. He very much welcomed my students and allowed them to attend on-campus programs presented by visiting artists. He would keep me informed as to who would be on which campus and when. My students enjoyed many almost private concerts and performances with the wonderfully large variety of highly skilled artists he found and brought to town to share with the college and entire community. He is a true city treasure. He has brought an incredibly diverse scope of talent to Jacksonville. His is an amazing career of a truly dedicated professional. And he’s still at it! Bill Longenecker via email
NICE ARTICLE
RE.: A Resilient Effort by Mallory Hopkins, March 11 Mallory, I enjoyed your article on the new CRO position and the various efforts to bring resiliency in Jacksonville in line with other cities. Hope to see many more like this! Thanks. Renee Brust via email
COMEUPPANCE
Our chickens are coming home to roost. You know them, the ones who claim that regulations are onerous, that we should eliminate clean water and clean air laws and allow industry a free hand. And the ones who insist more residential developments should be encouraged, even as they devastate the natural landscape and our agricultural community, whose contributions to local and state economies are second only to tourism. And the other ones who said we should put
all our eggs in the tourism basket, fragile and fickle as it is, abandoning a buffered economy and the quality of life of longtime residents— human and animal alike. You remember the ones who claim this economy is the best in the history of the world, even as it piled on trillions in debt and gave much of that borrowed money to the wealthiest in tax breaks, deferred maintenance and infrastructure investments, and eliminated controls that provide health and environmental protections. And don’t forget the ones who refuse to acknowledge the scientific community, who forbade using the terms “global warming” and “climate change.” They insist we continue to burn all the fossil fuels we want and avoid the coming curses by focusing on “resiliency.” Our fate is tied to the integrity of the natural world. Humans emerged on earth with these biological systems in place for millions of years. We are genetically and fundamentally linked to them. We have made ourselves vulnerable and put ourselves at risk by acting with arrogance, hubris and disregard for the rights of other forms of life. Global cultures mirror biological ecosystems; we are intrinsically related. What happens in China affects us. Small changes in ocean temperatures thousands of miles away in the Pacific cause huge changes in our weather. The impacts of carbon emissions cross every border. I do not know what will happen with the arrival of the coronavirus, or the inevitable downturn of the global economy, or with now permanent extreme weather in every far reach of the globe. What I do know is our best chance, our only hope for a future, lies in salvaging what remains of the planet’s biological infrastructure. By acknowledging our role in these crises, we can begin to take responsibility. Bill Hamilton via email
LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you’ve read in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (including name, address and phone number, for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, go to folioweekly.com or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.
BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BRICKBAT TO DARRELL GILYARD The new pastor of Jacksonville’s Mount Ararat Baptist Church has drawn complaints from congregants who are aware of his status as a registered sex offender. News4Jax reported that Gilyard served three years in prison (2009-2012) after admitting to molesting two girls.
BOUQUET TO ALPHA-OMEGA MIRACLE HOME The St. Augustine nonprofit is planning for the next phase of its new campus. Alpha-Omega provides shelter and support to single mothers, their children and senior women. Its services are supported by thrift shops in St. Augustine and Jacksonville.
BRICKBAT TO BRANDON PATTY The St. Johns County Clerk of Court and Comptroller greeted Elizabeth Warren’s withdrawal from the Democratic primary race with an offensive get-out-the-vote email circulated to the St. Johns County Republican Party. The email featured a cartoon of Warren with a feather in her hair. “Goodbye, Pocahontas.” DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? OR MAYBE A BRICKBAT? Submit your choice to mail@folioweekly. com; 50-word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.
MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3
FOLIO: NEWS
FOLIO VOICES: FROM THE EDITOR
DEAL WITH THE DEVIL THE RISE AND FALL OF GARY CROSS IN DARRYL DANIELS’ CCSO Gary Cross
THIS IS THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF STORIES told by eyewitnesses of ongoing controversies at the Clay County Sheriff ’s Office under the current sheriff, Darryl Daniels. Gary Cross is muscular, with close-cropped grey hair and intense blue eyes. Now retired from the Jacksonville Sheriff ’s Office, his former colleagues said he was well respected and known for being tough but fair: a “cop’s cop” with a sharp business acumen and an easy rapport with officers, the public, and the business community. Though humbled by the assessment, Cross told Folio Weekly that he believes it was his standing in the JSO that paved the way for him to make one of the biggest mistakes of his life. In 2014, when Westside Sgt. Gary Cross was two years and two months away from retirement, he received a plea through the JSO grapevine from then-head jailer Darryl Daniels. Daniels was running for Clay County sheriff and wanted Cross, a casual acquaintance, to help him. Daniels told Cross—and everyone else—that “the Lord” had told him to run. “I figured I was not going to argue with the will of the Lord,” Cross said. He joined the campaign. Daniels employed a well-known political consultant, who set the campaign strategy, and Cross did the “leg work.” He did a lot of it, too. “I worked upwards of 40 to 60 hours a week at no cost to him,” Cross said. Once he retired, Cross worked even harder, getting involved in fundraising. To potential donors, he sold Daniels as a “godly man” and a solid citizen who would not forget his supporters. In 2016, with four former law enforcement officers in the race, Daniels won by a slim margin and became the first African American ever elected sheriff in Clay County. Although he credited his win to his own hard work, many in the campaign credited Cross. Hoping to enjoy his retirement, Cross was instead convinced to join the new sheriff ’s command staff. He was elevated to the rank of chief and charged with community and governmental outreach. Cross developed community programs and created memorable slogans for the CCSO, which are still used. He started the now infamous neighborhood walks, a prime campaign tool for Daniels today. But Chief Gary Cross soon found himself in a bind. During the campaign, Daniels promised members of the CCSO he would appoint an undersheriff from within the ranks; he also gave his word he would not bring in retired and active duty JSO officers. After the election, however, he reneged on both promises. Some officers felt betrayed as the new sheriff brought in JSO officers and promoted them above their CCSO peers. Cross was often treated with suspicion and animosity. He accepted the rancor with no acrimony because he knew, in their position, he would probably feel the same. “After joining the CCSO,” Cross recalled, “I began to see a disturbing side of Darryl Daniels that I had not seen before. He looked down on people, as if he was above them. In my opinion, his leadership skills were non-existent.” Cross said Daniels was persistently absent. When he was there, he frequently had his young, divorced chief financial officer in his office with the door closed—sometimes locked. Cross also noted Daniels’ obsession with his image. The JSO, twice the size of the CCSO, had two public information officers at that time; Daniels had four. At Sheriff Daniels’ directions, 4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
the PIOs spent a majority of their time promoting the sheriff like he was a movie star. He ordered drug busts that typically netted few arrests, but his PIOs made videos of him as he preened in a long dark coat, drinking coffee and warning bad guys to stay out of Clay County. He typically left after filming. A few months after Daniels took office, he abolished Cross’ position and put him in internal affairs. Then, after an unrelated post on Cross’ Facebook profile, Daniels demoted him to lieutenant. Sources suggest that Daniels resented Cross’ role in his election. While the sheriff was increasingly hostile, supervisors recognized Cross’ efforts with “exceptional performance” evaluations. Still, it was clear to all that the sheriff wanted Cross out. Daniels accused him of leaking information to the press, until it was revealed that Daniels himself was the leaker. The sheriff had Cross reprimanded and “restricted to his office” in April 2019, citing spurious ethical concerns. Then, in May, Daniels’ infamous sex scandal broke on television screens across Northeast Florida. He ordered the arrest of his pregnant mistress of six years after his wife confronted the couple. Cross was demoted, prompting his resignation, effective August 8, 2019. Meanwhile, because he felt his “policeman bill of rights” had been violated, Cross asked for a public hearing as allowed by Florida Statute 112. The next day, bright and early, a representative from CCSO IA came knocking on his door and informed Cross that his demotion had been rescinded and he was restored to full rank. Since there was no demotion and no discipline, the story went, Cross’ bill of rights had not been violated, and thus his public hearing was cancelled. Cross knew the sheriff ’s sham charges would be exposed if there was a hearing. Daniels got what he wanted—to be rid of his former campaign manager—but Cross had also accomplished something. He kept his rank, which would benefit him in retirement. “I’m good,” he said. “I’m not rich, but I made some good financial decisions. I get to spend time with my wife, my kids and my granddaughter.” He said he understands he was hired because of politics and was removed because of politics. He accepts it. As for Daniels, he is currently under FDLE investigation for alleged violations, but the department seems to be slow-walking through the sheriff ’s self-made quagmire. Daniels told friends he would “skate” through and seek another term. Some speculate that since Daniels was a donor and worked in Ron DeSantis’ campaign, the governor won’t touch the issue. If that’s the case, voters will decide Daniels’ fate at the ballot box. His reelection campaign isn’t raising record funds, however. Former donors told Cross that the campaign has come out of the woodwork asking for donations. They just said “no.” Most of the funds have come from CCSO officers who were told they were “expected to contribute to the sheriff ’s campaign.” Recently, in a bizarre twist, one of Daniels’ command officers contacted him and asked him to come back to work for the campaign. The message: “No hard feeling.” Like Daniels’ erstwhile donors, Cross just said “no.”
Susan Clark Armstrong mail@folioweekly.com
LOVE IN THE TIME OF COVID-19 FOLIO WEEKLY EDITOR IS STRANDED IN EUROPE, WHERE AT LEAST ADULTS ARE IN CHARGE IF YOU’RE READING THIS IN HARD COPY, you’ve taken an unnecessary risk. (But thanks for the dedication!) You’ve ventured out of the house and touched stuff. Now wash your hands forthwith! With soap and warm water. For at least 20 seconds. And if you’re reading at home, on your phone or tablet, go ahead and wash your hands anyway. COVID-19 is real, and it’s in Northeast Florida. Take heed, armchair individualists! It’s not about whether you can survive the virus. No, you are responsible for transmitting or not transmitting it to others, including loved ones to whom it may be lethal. And let’s be honest: for all you know, it may well be lethal to you, too. I don’t care how many Ayn Rand fairytales you’ve heard, you know f*ck all about coronavirus. So don’t act like it’s no big deal, like it’s fake news, like the world is overreacting. And certainly don’t act like the blundererin-chief ’s ignore-it-and-it’ll-go-away approach pre-March 11 was anything but the last, desperate bluff by a player who knew his losing hand was about to be called. A recent story in The Guardian bore the headline, “Donald Trump is the very worst person to handle the coronavirus crisis.” And it’s true. The federal response to this pandemic has been suicidal, and it’s impossible not to suspect that politics played a large part in the immersion of the administration’s collective head in the sand of ignorance and negligence. To begin with, the federal bureaucracy was long ago stripped to the bone and purged of all but loyalists (i.e., “only the best people”). More recently, the lack of testing at the outset of the epidemic smacks of book-cooking to make the situation appear less serious than it actually was. It is, after all, an election year. Now Trump’s hamfisted travel ban is causing panic and gumming up the works, crowding airport bottlenecks and creating ideal contagion conditions. SMH. DJT and the court of B-list flunkeys that masquerade as his cabinet have failed in their responsibility to ensure public safety. Most Americans know this but must nonetheless endure the flailing ministrations of the fake-it-till-you-
make-it administration. I don’t. I flew to Greece in early March for what I thought would be a mere fortnight of retsina and romance. (Aye, Mr. Editor Man done fell in love with an Athenian lass. It truly is a many splendored thing.) But alas, two weeks have turned into a more openended commitment to the Hellenic way of life. I have zero confidence in the Trump regime’s ability to guarantee safe passage for this returning citizen. I shan’t allow myself to be herded back to the homeland in a cattle car, and then submit to orders written on a napkin by TSA officials attempting to translate into policy the syphilitic ramblings of a reality television personality turned president—all the while standing in a crowded customs hall with various fevered, dry-coughing compatriots. Not gonna happen. Your boy’s riding out this storm in the old country, where at least adults are in charge. Europe at large has learned the lessons of Italy (where a friend of mine is currently being treated for COVID-19— he says it’s the most miserable experience of his life, and I believe him). Here in Greece, schools shut their doors on March 11; shops and restaurants were ordered closed shortly thereafter. Everyone here knows it’s going to be tough—the Greeks really don’t need this kind of economic hit just as they start to recover from years of debt crisis—but they’re steeled and ready. So am I. My sweetheart and I are whiling away our days indoors. Netflix is our friend. We prepared a most elaborate Sunday brunch for two. I’m learning a new language. And, of course, I’ve been editing another fine issue of Folio Weekly—from 6,000 miles away. My crew is doing much the same, as you’ll see in the pages that follow. This issue of Folio Weekly isn’t about going out. (In any case, most events have been postponed or cancelled.) This week, we’re having fun at home. Eventually the powers that be will get a handle on the pandemic, and we’ll emerge from our splendid (or sordid) isolation. And eventually I’ll feel safe enough to brave an American airport. Until then, #MenoumeSpiti. Georgio Valentino mail@folioweekly.com
MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5
OUR
FRI
20 RAMBLIN’ MEN THEM VAGABONDS
The Jacksonville Beach-based jam band follows in the footsteps of genre pioneers like The Grateful Dead, The Allman Brothers Band and Widespread Panic. 8 p.m. Friday, March 20, Dog Rose Brewing Co., St. Augustine, dogrosebrewing.com, free.
PICKS THIS WEEK’S BIGGEST
& BEST HAPPENINGS
SUN
22 SIMPLY THE BEST KALEIGH BAKER
The singer and songwriter comes highly recommended. Venue owner Cara Burky says, “She’s my favorite singer in the entire universe.” Who are we to argue? 8 p.m. Sunday, March 22, Blue Jay Listening Room, Jacksonville Beach, bluejayjax.com, $20.
FRI
20 SCOTT H. BIRAM
Billed as “The Dirty Old One Man Band,” the grizzled Texan blues-punk musician (and, apparently, ordained minister) has been touring hard for decades. Now he comes to Downtown Jacksonville. Christina Wagner, Dead Man Del Santos, Jackie Stranger and Beau Crum open. 8 p.m. Friday, March 20, The Justice Pub, Downtown, facebook.com/ TheJusticePub, $12/$15. 6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
21 Photo by Christopher Cardoza
BRIDGING GENRES
SAT
KATO’S BIRTHDAY BASH LEFT ON HIGH
So good at being bad, and so bad at being good! The local punk outfit celebrates artist Brenda Kato’s birthday. Also on the bill: Skam Dust, The Wastedist and Insalubrious Misanthropes. 7 p.m. Saturday, March 21, Rain Dogs, Five Points, facebook.com/raindogsjax, $5.
MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7
FOLIO : FEATURE
RESET YOUR INTENTIONS
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TIME AT HOME & SET YOUR FUTURE SELF UP FOR SUCCESS
SINCE MOVING BACK TO JACKSONVILLE
in mid-November, I’ve only managed to spend the weekend at my apartment a handful of times. That means I haven’t completely sorted through my belongings and created a space reflective of my lifestyle and passions. As someone who only ever has time to work, eat, sleep and repeat, COVID-19 has given me an excuse to cancel plans, stay in and get productive. My first undertaking was getting items out of boxes and creating a space for them. I hung a couple pieces of art in my main area—you don’t need to be tall or have another set of hands to create a cozy space, but it sure doesn’t hurt. If you’ve already got your walls covered, or you haven’t yet found your style, rearranging your space can be just as effective. YouTube, Pinterest and even TikTok are inspirational resources for realistic room makeovers on a budget. For those college students who have temporarily moved back to their childhood bedrooms, donate items you hoped would magically disappear while you were away. A clean set of sheets, a vacuumed floor and sanitized surfaces will leave your room smelling fresh and clean afterward. If you’re having difficulty feeling motivated, it could be due to the layout. Moving your bed to another wall can result in increased creativity and a good night’s sleep. (Consult feng shui guides for more details.) My next order of businesses was ordering items I have lived without for some time, but which life would be better with—a television stand, for example. This was at the bottom of my to-do list, and while its transport time may be longer than usual, at least that project is moving forward. Now for the fun stuff. Music means the world to me, and having to settle for second-rate songs I have yet to remove from my playlist only 8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
worsens my mood. If you find yourself exclusively listening to Spotify or Apple Music, think about using this time to purge your playlists and add some fresh finds. I recommend browsing curated lists for inspiration. Keep in mind: you’ll get the most out of them if you listen to each song in its entirely without judgment. When life returns to business as usual, you’ll feel more focused on your daily intentions. This is also a great opportunity to return to (or pick up) a hobby. If you used to love reading, painting and the like but can’t find the patience to sit down and pay attention to anything except what’s streaming these days, now’s the time to retrain your brain. I think we can all agree we’re tired of seeing social media posts along the lines of, “Shoutout to everyone who loved reading as a kid but can’t find the energy to pick up a book anymore.” You can. Passions take practice, and it’s going to take a consistent effort to get back into it, but it is possible. I’ve made a point to read for at least 30 minutes each day. My final recommendation is to stock up on essential items while you can. I was on my last roll of toilet paper and low on food before I realized it. On Thursday, I grabbed one of the last packs of toilet paper for $17.99 at Publix. This may not be a hard hit for middle- and upper-class families, but those who are living paycheck to paycheck are already having to make more sacrifices than usual. While you’re hunting for toilet paper, remember to stock up on foods that have a long shelf life. And you might as well make amends with your extreme couponing friends who have been waiting for this moment to arrive. And if you’re able to, set aside time each day to unplug and unwind.
Courtney Stringfellow mail@folioweekly.com
Photo: Theresa Valdez
FOLIO : FEATURE
MANDATORY FAMILY TIME
OUR FOLIO KIDS COLUMNIST ENTERTAINS AND EDUCATES THE YOUNG ‘UNS
Last week, my youngest daughter planned on attending the SwampCon cosplay convention in Gainesville. This week, she had tickets to see her favorite Broadway musical, Hamilton. Now both of those events— along with hundreds of others in Jacksonville—have been cancelled or postponed indefinitely due to COVID-19. The CDC recommends cancelling any gatherings expected to have 50 people or more, for the next eight weeks. None of us, including (and especially) our political leaders, were prepared for a pandemic of such frightening proportions. On the bright side, we live in Florida, and researchers believe high temperatures and high humidity just might slow the spread of the virus. In the meantime, social media and news outlets are advising those who are symptomatic to “self-quarantine” and suggesting that the rest of us practice “social distancing” to prevent infection and transmission. Staying at home is the order of the day. It’s every introvert’s dream! This pandemic also happens to coincide with Duval County Public Schools’ spring break, which has been extended in an effort to prevent the virus from spreading. Parents weren’t expecting an extended vacation, and many aren’t prepared for extended child care costs either. Those costs are a moot point for others, who are unable to return to work due to forced business closures. For those of you who aren’t thrilled about being homebound with no toilet paper for weeks on end, creativity will be your greatest— and possibly only—ally. My kids
and I are working through a list of my favorite zombie apocalypse and germ warfare movies: Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, 12 Monkeys, 28 Days Later and Resident Evil. Serendipitously, Netflix has added Outbreak and Pandemic to its queue this month (how did they know?) while Amazon Prime features The Andromeda Strain. Sitting around watching movies will eventually grow tiresome, however, so it will be wise to have some activities planned for the kids once cabin fever sets in. If your kids are like mine, nothing bores them like board games. On occasion, I have convinced them to play “Cards Against Humanity” and the “Exploding Kittens” card game. “How?” you ask. By bribing them with snacks, that’s how. You do what you have to do. Need more ideas? You can make thousands of crafts, art projects and science experiments from common household objects. Teach the young ones how to concoct homemade hand sanitizer using rubbing alcohol, aloe vera gel and essential oil. The stuff is selling for upwards of $100 per bottle online, so this may be your new cottage industry. Fun and games aside, use this mandatory family time to talk to your kids in an age-appropriate way about how germs are spread. It’s never too early to learn the importance of clean hands. The most common way for this and other viruses to spread is from the hands to the face. Now please go wash your hands!
STRIKING UP
6 p.m. Friday, March 20; 1 p.m. Sunday, March 22, Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., Riverside, cummermuseum.org, $10/$15.
Jen Thornton mail@folioweekly.com MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9
FOLIO : FEATURE
DOG DAYS
OUR FOLIO PETS COLUMNIST SKIPS THE DOG PARK FOR A STAY-CATION WITH MOM
IF ALL THIS TALK OF COVID-19 HAS taught me anything, it’s how often my mom touches her face without thinking about it. But as is so often the case when it comes to humans, there are more questions than answers. Namely, “Why are you stockpiling toilet paper?” Whatever the answer to that riddle, my mom and I have been listening to the experts and practicing social distancing and self-isolation. Days typically spent raiding the farmer’s market for local treats, or visiting the neighborhood coffeehouse for a double-shot puppucino, are now passed pacing around the house searching for my squeaky squirrel and watching too many episodes of Gossip Girl. Annoying as it is, lounging around at home does have its perks. I’ve discovered a podcast for dogs. Each episode features dog-directed praise and messages of affirmation and reassurance—and we all could use a little reassurance during this uncertain time. I admit: my ears did twitch slightly when the presenter said I was the best dog ever. Preach on! There’s never been a better time to practice old tricks and learn new ones. The mail carrier’s visit breaks up the monotony, but I wish deliveries would be more predictable. (I’m literally a creature of habit!) In between escorting my mom to the bathroom and supervising Orange Cat through the window, I’ve managed to burn energy with some indoor games. Okay, they won’t exactly get my heart racing like a day at the park, but they beat napping all day until I am able to get back to my usual routine. I run, fetch and 10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
either toss my squeaky squirrel in the air or chew on it till I’m ready for the next throw. I kick around my IQ ball until the last piece of kibble falls out, which gives me a sublime sense of satisfaction. It’s also something to focus on until it’s time for a nap (or another episode of Gossip Girl). What better way to pass the time? I’ve started putting more energy into challenges that give me some type of reward at the end. Like nose work. All I have to do is let my schnoz sniff out goodies that are hidden around the house. It gives me a feeling of purpose and a full belly. Speaking of reward at the end, I use some of this forced downtime to plan life post-COVID-19. I take out my diary and start scheduling dogfriendly trips and writing new goals I want to achieve. COVID-19 has given me an opportunity to play the philanthropist, too. I cleaned out my toy chest and filled some charity bags for homeless pets, which made me feel good. Being forced to stay inside isn’t ideal, but it’s absolutely necessary for keeping others and myself safe during the virus outbreak. Plus, there are worse sentences than house arrest. I have a seemingly endless supply of snacks and, of course, the company of my mom. I’m vigilant about washing my paws, and I take care to just consciously breathe. These are tough, uncertain times; the best thing we all can do is be kind to our neighbors and ourselves as we go through this trial together.
Davi the Dachshund mail@folioweekly.com
DALE RATERMANN’s Folio Weekly Crossword presented by
Serving Excellence Since 1928 Member American Gem Society
San Marco 2044 San Marco Blvd. 398-9741
Avondale 3617 St. Johns Ave. 388-5406
Ponte Vedra
THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA
330 A1A North 280-1202
Voted Best Jeweler in FW’s Best of Jax readers’ poll!
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1 Joyful tune 5 Bunch up 10 "Jabberwocky" start 14 Jags shutout, on a scoreboard 15 Chad neighbor 16 Fusion Sushi supply 17 Astronomers 19 Yemeni port 20 Jungle journey 21 Rodents' home 23 "No ___ done" 25 Donkey's uncle 26 WJXX net. 29 European Street Cafe green bowlful 33 WJAX free ad 36 Walk heavily 38 Mob bosses 39 "Darn!" 40 Metaphor for severe public criticisms 43 "Life ___ fair" 44 "Uh-huh" 45 Grammar topic 46 "___ a deal!" 47 Astrology-birthchart datum 49 Narc's org.
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50 Tic-___-toe 52 Florida congressmen Deutch and Yoho 54 "Terrible" Russian ruler 59 Scout units 63 Western tie 64 Weekly Riverside event 66 Queries 67 Bow ties, e.g. 68 Deco designer 69 Kuhn Flowers thorny bloom 70 Receded 71 Coarse file
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1 Gators' defeat 2 FSU frat letter 3 Jax Bread Co. buy 4 Etz Chaim Synagogue scroll 5 Eau ___, Wis. 6 "Garfield" gal 7 Rideshare app 8 "___ Breckinridge" 9 Tense choice 10 LGBTQ part, briefly
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39 Some AL batters 41 Aziz Ansari's alma mater, briefly 42 Arctic plain 47 Lee HS subj. 48 Hit the roof 51 Cropped up 53 More tender 54 Skier's lift 55 Just OK 56 Enjoy an e-cig 57 Middle Easterner 58 Crash-probe org. 60 Gumbo veggie 61 Davi and friends 62 Zumba bit 65 Sault ___ Marie
Extensive bestbet cards Emailed Italian brandy Gullible guy Video game series: "___ NFL" Play segment Big bang They have big ears Guest beds, often Wonder kind? "Surfin' ___" Beetle Bailey's commander On the Atlantic Rockies hrs.
SOLUTION TO 3.11.20 PUZZLE S P A S A U D I X B O X T O A T H P R E S R N A A I M S H E M I E R T C M H O B B I C E E N O R A E A S T
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I D E T A I R I E R E S A L M A O R A Y N X
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MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11
FREEWILL ASTROLOGY
We interrupt your regularly scheduled horoscopes to offer insights about the virus-driven turning point that the whole world is now experiencing. As you’ve probably guessed, all of us are being invited to reevaluate everything we think we know about what it means to be human. I refer to this unprecedented juncture as The Tumultuous Upgrade or The Disruptive Cure. It’s fraught with danger and potential opportunities, crisises and possible breakthroughs. And while the coronavirus is the main driving force, it won’t be the only factor. We must be ready for more rough, tough healings disguised as bumpy challenges in the coming months. Here’s the astrological lowdown: Throughout 2020, there’s a rare confluence of three planets in Capricorn: Pluto, Saturn and Jupiter. They are synergizing each other’s impacts in ways that confound us and rattle us. In the best-case scenario, they’ll also energize us to initiate brave transformations in our own personal lives as well as in our communities. I invite you to meditate on the potent mix of Plutonian, Saturnian and Jupiterian energies. I encourage you to respond to the convulsion by deepening your understanding of how profoundly interconnected we all are and upgrading the way you take care of yourself, the people you love, and our natural world. In the horoscopes below, I suggest personal shifts that will be available to you during this once-in-alifetime blend of planetary energies.
ARIES (March 21-April 19): Possible
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. You may experience disturbances in your relationships with home and family. 2. You may falter in your ability to maintain a strong foundation. Potential opportunities: 1. Domestic disorder could inspire you to reinvent your approach to home and family, changing your life for the better. 2. Responding to a downturn in your stability and security, you’ll build a much stronger foundation.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Possible
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. There may be carelessness or a lack of skill in the ways you and your associates communicate and cultivate connectivity. 2. You may have problems blending elements that really need to be blended. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll resolve to communicate and cultivate connectivity with a renewed panache and vigor. 2. You’ll dream up fresh approaches to blending elements that need to be blended.
crises in the coming months: 1. Your power spot may be challenged or compromised. 2. Your master plan might unravel. 3. There could be disruptions in your ability to wield your influence. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll be motivated to find an even more suitable power spot. 2. A revised master plan will coalesce. 3. You’ll be resourceful as you discover novel ways to wield your influence. crises in the coming months: 1. Your vision of the big picture of your life may dissipate. 2. Old reliable approaches to learning crucial lessons and expanding your mind could lose their effectiveness. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll be inspired to develop an updated vision of the big picture of your life. 2. Creative new strategies for learning and expanding your mind will invigorate your personal growth.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. There may be breakdowns in communication with people you care about. 2. Contracts and agreements could fray. 3. Sexual challenges might complicate love. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll be inspired to reinvent the ways you communicate and connect. 2. Your willingness to revise agreements and contracts could make them work better for all concerned. 3. Sexual healing will be available. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. Friends and associates could change in ways that are uncomfortable for you. 2. Images and expectations that people have of you may not match your own images and expectations. Potential opportunities: 1. If you’re intelligent and compassionate as you deal with the transformations in your friends and associates, your relationships could be rejuvenated. 2. You might become braver and more forceful in expressing who you are and what you want. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. Your job may not suit you as well as you wish. 2. A health issue could demand more of your attention than you’d like. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll take innovative action to make your job work better for you. 2. In your efforts to solve a specific health issue, you’ll upgrade your entire approach to staying healthy long-term. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. Love may feel confusing or unpredictable. 2. You may come up against a block to your creativity. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll be energized to generate new understandings about how to ensure that love works well for you. 2. Your frustration with a creative block will motivate you to uncover previously hidden keys to accessing creative inspiration. 12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 18-24, 2020
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. Money may be problematic. 2. Your personal integrity might undergo a challenge. 3. You could get lax about translating your noble ideas into practical actions. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll find inventive solutions for boosting your wealth. 2. You’ll take steps to ensure your ethical code is impeccable. 3. You’ll renew your commitment to translating your noble ideals into practical action.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Possible
crises in the coming months: You may have an identity crisis. Who are you, anyway? What do you really want? What are your true intentions? Potential opportunities: You’ll purge self-doubts and fuzzy self-images. You’ll rise up with a fierce determination to define yourself with clarity and intensity and creativity.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. You’ll be at risk for botched endings. 2. You may be tempted to avoid solving long-term problems whose time is up. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll make sure all endings are as graceful and complete as possible. 2. You’ll dive in and finally resolve long-term problems whose time is up.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Possible crises in the coming months: 1. Due to worries about your self-worth, you may not accept the help and support that are available. 2. Due to worries about your self-worth, you might fail to bravely take advantage of chances to reach a new level of success. Potential opportunities: 1. You’ll take dramatic action to enhance your sense of self-worth, empowering you to welcome the help and support you’re offered and take advantage of chances to reach a new level of success.
Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com
NEWS OF THE WEIRD AND SO IT BEGINS Limestone County Sheriff Mike Blakely is on trial in Athens, Alabama, facing 11 counts of theft and ethics charges related to his job. On March 6, Blakely went to the hospital, where his lawyers told the court he was being tested for COVID-19, the disease associated with coronavirus. But in a special hearing on March 7, Dr. Maria Onoya told Judge Pride Tompkins that while Blakely was indeed admitted to the hospital, and received multiple tests, none of them was for COVID-19. In fact, she said there was no evidence to suggest he should be tested for it, The News Courier reported. Judge Tompkins ended the hearing with harsh words for Blakely’s defense team: “I don’t know what your tactic is, but it’s condemned by the court,” he said. He went on to note that he was “very disturbed” by the defense’s mention of COVID-19 in the motion to continue, calling it irresponsible, reckless and unfair to the community.
coronavirus. “It hasn’t been tested on this strain of the coronavirus, but it’s been tested on other strains of the coronavirus, and has been able to eliminate it within 12 hours,” said “naturopathic doctor” Sherrill Sellman. In the letter, the “extremely concerned” Lisa Landau, chief of the Attorney General’s Health Care Bureau, called the segment false advertising and said it violates New York law. She gave Bakker 10 days to comply.
Meanwhile, in Queensland, Australia, people are panicking about running out of toilet paper during the coronavirus pandemic. Which makes Haidee Janetzki of Toowoomba extra popular, after she made an error in her regular online TP order with Who Gives a Crap. “When it asked for quantity, I put 48,” she told 7News, “thinking that would be a box of 48 (rolls). Turned out it was 48 boxes.” At first she thought it was the online retailer’s fault—until she checked her credit card, which showed an expense of $3,260 plus almost $400 for shipping. Janetzki is selling the hot commodity to friends at a slight markup, hoping to raise money to send her kids on a school trip to Canberra. She’s now known Down Under as the Queen of the Toilet Paper.
The U.S. State Department has advised people, particularly older adults, to avoid cruise ships and air travel during the coronavirus onslaught. But some travelers just can’t be dissuaded. Take, for example, Ben Stults, a sophomore at Florida State University, who will head out on a cruise to Mexico this week for spring break. He’s hoping to “hit the sweet spot”—get there and get home before the virus takes hold in Mexico. To be safe, however, he’s bringing along a respirator face mask and a deck of cards in case, you know, quarantine. The Daily Beast asked Stults if he thought his plan was a sound one, to which he replied, “Honestly, no.”
Two state attorneys general and the Food and Drug Administration are cracking down on disgraced televangelist Jim Bakker, host of “The Jim Bakker Show” on cable TV. The New York Attorney General’s Office, on March 3, sent a cease-and-desist order to Bakker, and on March 10, the Missouri attorney general filed suit against him. At issue is Bakker’s hawking of “Silver Solution,” a “medication” made from silver that supposedly cures all sorts of ailments, for use in treating COVID-19. On Feb. 12, The Washington Post reported, Bakker asked a guest on his show whether the gel could cure the
A man in Vilnius, Lithuania, with help from his sons, reportedly locked his wife in their bathroom after she expressed worry to him that she had contracted COVID-19 from traveling to Italy, where she came in contact with some Chinese people. The husband called a doctor, who suggested she isolate herself; she contacted police because her husband wouldn’t let her out. It’s unclear how long she was locked in the bathroom, but Delfi.lt reported that she was tested for the virus and did not have it.
ANIMAL ANTICS Firefighters were called to a farm near Bramham, Leeds, in England on March 7 to put out a fire in a large pigpen. At this particular farm, the pigs wear pedometers to prove that they’re free-range, Fox News reported, but one of those gadgets was the probable cause of the blaze, firefighters said. They theorize that one of the pigs ate one of the pedometers, then passed it in its excrement, sparking a fire in the pen’s hay. The culprit was the copper in the battery reacting with the pig poo. No pigs were hurt in the fire; let’s hope they’re getting all their steps in as usual. weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com
MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13
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GUNS & GANJA
FEDERAL LAW MAKES IT AN EITHER/OR PROPOSITION
DURING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS OF writing this column, I’ve been asked one question probably more than any other, and it’s a question I haven’t really been able to get a firm answer to. That question relates to the uncertain dynamic between medical marijuana and guns. Specifically, is it possible to be licensed to legally possess both in this state? It’s a big question here in Florida, where a gun may be the only thing more popular than drugs (well, that and football). In response to the conundrum of cannabis and concealed carry, the short answer is, to quote the beloved Björk, “possibly maybe.” I’ve spoken to a number of people, particularly within our veteran community, who claim to have successfully obtained both. Typically, these folks had their gun permits long before medical marijuana became legal in January 2017 and then obtained medical cards to treat the various maladies and misfortunes attendant to their former careers. At the same time, I’ve heard from others who have had their applications for one or the other denied. Along with seniors, vets have done more than any other group to legitimize the legality of leafy greens in the modern era, and this is yet another area in which they are driving the narrative. One thing is clear, though: Active-duty military are still prohibited from using or possessing the stuff, in any form and for any reason. This also applies to the National Guard, even though they’re not really classified as full-time military. A lot of this is due to federal law, which still classifies
cannabis as a Schedule I drug. So even though citizens can have it here, Florida’s gun laws require adherence to federal mandates—and that means no weed with your weapons. Technically, you can have both. Agriculture Commissioner Nikki Fried, whose office oversees both categories, told the media, “I have both, so I want to make that very clear that I will not be taking anybody’s concealed weapons permit or not renewing them. I see no conflict between the two.” Local authorities such as the Jacksonville Sherriff ’s Office and Florida Department of Law Enforcement would probably raise no objection (especially if you’re white), but any dealings you have with ATF or the FBI will result in termination of your gun rights. It’s probably best to get your gun permit before your medical card, as going in the opposite order would require you to lie on the application—a federal offense. Likewise, folks living in HUD’s Section 8 housing are also prohibited from puffing on that piff. Piffle? Sure, but rules are rules, and until the issue is dealt with on a federal level (which will not happen until at least next year, and probably never at all), you’re screwed (and not in the good way). You may just have to choose between your guns and your drugs, which is a difficult choice for any true Floridian to make. Shelton Hull mail@folioweekly.com Subscribe to the Folio Weed Newsletter at folioweekly.com/newsletters
FOLIO VOICES: BACKPAGE
THE UNIVERSE IN A RAISIN MINDFUL EATING IS HEALTHY AND PLEASURABLE LIFE IS BUSY. WHO HAS TIME TO SIT AND eat at the table, right? Take this food for thought … (no) pun intended! Between 60 and 70 million Americans suffer from digestive disorders. The number of adults diagnosed with ulcers in the United States has risen to 14.8 million, and emergency room visits due to digestive problems is at 8.3 million people. Americans who visit their physician due to digestive problems is at 22.4 million. The cost of health care for digestive disorders has reached $135.9 billion each year. Digestive disorders are on the rise, along with treatment costs. What’s the fix for this growing health problem? Mindful eating has proven to be a healthy practice for those who suffer from digestive disorders. The number one cause of digestive disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome is stress, because stress weakens the digestion process. Now, everyone has stress at some point in their lives. Stress is our brain and body’s response to challenges and demands from family, work and school. However, our bodies are not built to stay in a state of stress for long periods of time. Living with stress can cause digestive problems and other chronic diseases. Mindful eating can balance the stress response and improve the digestive process. Mindful eating means paying attention to our bodies and our food during eating. This is more likely to occur when we sit at the table to eat and when we free ourselves of all unnecessary stimulus—such as the computers, telephones and televisions. Eating with others whenever possible is also a good idea. Mindful eating is more likely to happen when we slow down while eating and chew our food about 30 times before swallowing. Putting our fork down between bites and enjoying the color, smell, taste and feel of our food also enhances mindful eating. Let’s try this in super-slow motion with a raisin or small food item of your choice. SEEING & TOUCHING Hold the raisin in the palm of your hand or between your finger and thumb. Now, pay attention to seeing it, looking carefully as if you have never seen such an object before. Notice how it feels as you turn it between
your fingers. Notice where the light catches the surface, the darker spots and colors. Let your eyes notice every part. SMELLING & HEARING Now hold the raisin to your nose. Notice any smell? Now put it to your ear. Does it make a sound? Now put it to your lips, noticing how your hand and arm know where to put it. Notice your mouth watering? Gently place the raisin in your mouth without biting it; just explore the feeling of having it in your mouth, noticing the flavor. TASTING & SWALLOWING When you are ready, take a bite—with interest. Notice the taste that the raisin releases. Slowly chew it, noticing the saliva in your mouth, the change in how it feels. Then, see if you can notice when you want to swallow before you actually swallow. Now, see if you can follow how it feels to swallow, feel it moving down your throat to your stomach. You are now one raisin heavier. Great job. End of exercise. Someone can read the above exercise to you or you can record yourself reading it, then play it back as you practice. Create a setting that encourages your body and mind to relax. Improving digestion and relieving digestive disorders are only two benefits of mindful eating. Mindful eating can also help with weight loss. According to a Harvard Medical School article, allowing hormones, which are released in the body while eating, enough time to tell our brain when we are full can help us accomplish our weight loss goals. Weight loss is a result of mindful eating, because we eat less food when we allow our brain time to receive the signal that we are full. So, give mindful eating a try for better digestion, relief of digestive disorders, and weight loss. Mindful eating can also be a great way to spend quality time with family and friends.
Patricia Harrell mail@folioweekly.com __________________________________ Harrell is a grad student at the University of North Florida with more than three years of experience as a certified health education specialist and health and wellness coach.
FOLIO WEEKLY welcomes Backpage submissions. They should be 1,200 words or fewer and on a topic of local interest and/or concern. Send your submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Folio Weekly. MARCH 18-24, 2020 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15