04/11/18 Demotion Bonus

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THIS WEEK // 4.11.18-4.17.18 // VOL. 32 ISSUE 2 COVER STORY

DEMOTION

BONUS

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At the University of North Florida, former administrators who join the faculty can make TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS more doing the same work as their peers story by MARY MAGUIRE photos by DEVON SARIAN

FEATURED ARTICLES FEATURED

THE FALL GUYS

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BY CLAIRE GOFORTH Two broken crowns and NO MEANINGFUL CHANGE

CASHED OUT

BY A.G. GANCARSKI Florida’s Senators FLUB QUESTIONS about monetary policy

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TROUBLE IN RIVER CITY

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BY ANDY JOHNSON Former state legislator: Jacksonville is in a MAYOR-CREATED CRISIS

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FROM THE EDITOR

THE FALL

GUYS

Two broken crowns and NO MEANINGFUL CHANGE

’TIS THE SEASON FOR FALLS FROM GRACE. Ordinarily, we have to wait for elections to heat up to see the kind of action that #jaxpol has been charting lately.

First, Duval Democrat Committeeman John Parker took a tumble for some ‘is it racist?’ comments he allegedly made during a strategizing dinner back in January. He apologized, denied that he meant it that way, but took too long to get out of the way, ’cause next thing you know, the likes of Rush Limbaugh were remarking on the sitch that included a late call from Parker’s wife, Duval Dem Chair Lisa King, for him to step down, which he ultimately did.

Parker’s fall from grace is less about him than the longtime simmering conflict between factions of liberals—black Democrats and bougie whites, with the newly minted social justice warriors switching sides as often as the tide turns, just so long as they’re to the left of everyone else.

Regarding the latter: As righteous as their motivations might be, the uncompromising, ‘if you’re not 100 percent with us, you’re against us,’ herd mentality of the SJW set is a lot more like the ethos of the alt-right than most libs would like to admit. Both make lots of noise, but are unlikely to accomplish much, if anything. And both are always looking for a target to vilify—befriend and form alliances with them at your peril; one wrong move and you’ll be labeled an enemy and summarily executed without trial. Plus, and perhaps worse, the serious people won’t take you seriously.

But I digress.

Dems the nation over, and especially in the South, have long struggled to unify the haves and have-nots within the party, categories that all too often correspond with race. It’s not as much a difference of ideologies as it is priorities. Poor, disenfranchised folks are likely to prioritize income inequality, workers’ rights, social services, etc.—things that impact them—over other action items.

On the other hand, privileged folks might be more motivated by the environment, or LGBT equality, or gun control—things they find most important.

Neither is wrong, nor do they entirely disagree, they’re just willing to sacrifice different things to achieve certain policy goals, and will oppose compromise on other priorities. The power dynamics being what they’ve been, one side has too long been relegated to waiting in the wings while the other pursued its missions. Hence, the conflict.

Whatever John Parker did or didn’t say or mean, he’s been turned into a symbol of the unfairness of longstanding power dynamics in the Democratic Party, which in turn led

him to the slaughter, while the Republicans watched and laughed.

THEY WEREN’T LAUGHING LONG BEFORE ONE of their own fell on his sword for the good of the cause. After months of playing patsy to the board, the GOP donor class and the city officials they front, JEA CEO Paul McElroy abruptly resigned on April 6. (Disclosure: My spouse is a JEA employee.) There was no ‘let’s talk it over, number I can call,’ goodbye said it all.

On his way out, McElroy secured promise for a—standard, they say, though the city’s general counsel objected—indemnity clause on the off chance he gets hauled into court over the JEA sale drama or some other misdoings.

With nary an eyebrow-raise, the board then handed the interim CEO role to CFO Melissa Dykes, she of the big brain and the many, many private conversations with the mayor’s chief of staff, conversations that seemingly ignored the ‘independence’ of the independent agency. Perhaps the mayor likes to think he puts the ‘i’ in independent.

It’s long been obvious that at least one person would take the fall for the unbridled disregard of JEA board bylaws, chain-ofcommand violations, possible abuse of the public trust and odd coziness juxtaposed by internal backbiting that has characterized the relationship between City Hall and JEA of late.

Actually, I put my money on McElroy being the fall guy weeks ago. I just didn’t think it would happen quite this soon.

With McElroy rapidly exiting stage right, this clears the way for a national search for his replacement, right? His was the highest salary in the city, so it should generate plenty of interest, right?

WRONG. Afterward, JEA Board Chair G. Alan Howard told WJCT the sale conversation is likely to kneecap their ability to attract a replacement for what could be a short-term gig. Which means that their best bet will be to promote internally—likely Dykes, though maybe another contender, such as Mike Hightower, will enter the ring.

Regardless, you can bet that whoever the board taps will be approved from the highest levels of city government—and beyond, where it really matters.

As Parker and McElroy tumble into news-cycle obscurity, the real culprits—racial inequality and the ruthless donor class— remain in play as ever.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com @clairenjax APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

DANCING QUEENS FOREVER

ABBA THE CONCERT Some things never die, and one of those seems to be

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disco! With some of the highest record sales in history (the BBC said the band’s sales are second only to The Beatles), in the late ’70s Abba were reputedly second only to Volvo in their contribution to Sweden’s exports. Though not technically from that land of Frost Giants and lutefisk, ABBA the Concert is the closest thing boogie lovers and throwbacks will get to the group that sang “Thank You For the Music.” 8 p.m. Tuesday, April 17 at The Florida Theatre, Downtown, floridatheatre.com, $29-$50.

OUR PICKS LOCAL AND INDEPENDENT

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

PARTY LIKE IT’S 1791

THE MAKERY SPRING MARKET

BARTRAM BASH Philadelphia native and Quaker William Bartram published his first book, Bartram’s Travels, in 1791 (he wrote the first draft during the Revolutionary War) about his time in the American South, and his encounters with the indigenous peoples there. The 14th annual bash celebrating the storied naturalist features music by Tommy Bledsoe plus yoga, snacks and a feisty Stetson Kennedy reenactor stumping around. 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Saturday, April 14 at Alpine Groves Park, 2060 S.R. 13, Switzerland, visitstaugustine.com, free.

From carefully harvested honeys, including a divine creamed honey (thanks, Bee Friends Farm) to locally made jewelry and art, and tasty Rice Krispy treats, these independent makers, designers and creative entrepreneurs gather to feed souls (and tummies).

Keep it local, y’all! 11 a.m.-8 p.m. Saturday, April 14, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Sunday, April 15 at Space 42, 2670 Phyllis St., Riverside, eventbite.com, $6.22.

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HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW? MARY ST. GERMAIN The art show Of Ponderance and

Muse is “steeped in the representational tradition, where blooms and birds act as signifiers for man’s interaction with man while also using these symbols as a touchstone to explore our impact on the natural environment,” said the artist. An opening reception is held 5:30-7:30 p.m. Friday, April 13, at The Vault at 1930, San Marco, thevaultat1930.com. Muse is up through April.

HOUSE GUESTS

RAP TOUR OF HOMES It’s back! It’s the 44th annual event that

lets us look inside historic homes. So iron your linens and dust off your sun hats, and prepare for a leisurely stroll (sometimes a drive) through historic Riverside/Avondale. A 1920s-themed VIP preview party that surely calls for new spats and the longest, Chanel-i-est pearls you can find is 6-10 p.m.

Thursday, April 12, $75, raphometour.com. The Tour of Homes is 10 a.m.5 p.m. Saturday, April 14, and noon-5 p.m. Sunday, April 15, $20-$35.

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THE MAIL PLEASE SEND THE TIARA

RE.: “Taking Back ‘Fake News,’” by Claire Goforth, March 28 PLEASE, YOU ARE THE PRINCESS OF FAKE NEWS. YOU don’t hold to the ethic that used to be on the Society of Professional Journalists website in their code of ethics, which USED TO STATE: “We will tell both sides of the story accurately and fairly.” That has since been eliminated.

Here is one that you routinely VIOLATE AND ABSOLUTELY STOMP ON! “Support the open and civil exchange of views, even views they find repugnant.”

You do not support nor publish scientific explanations for why CO2-caused global warming is a hoax. Now, it is ENTIRELY POSSIBLE that man is responsible for the global warming of 1 degree in the last 100 years. Google the history of the invention of asphalt roofing shingles. You will find that they were invented 100 years ago and came into widespread use, replacing wood shake shingles. Wood shake shingles are an insulator and don’t reflect heat back into the atmosphere. Asphalt shingles absorb and hold heat, and on a 100°F day, they bounce back temps from 140-170°F. Multiply this times the millions of houses and industries and it can easily cause the 1 degree rise, not to mention that we have over 5,000 jets over our country alone spewing out exhaust temps at 1,800°F.

John Wilder via email

attention from what should be the ONLY job of navigating a motor vehicle. Truly.

D.R. Wright via email

OPINIONS ARE LIKE …

RE.: “God Bless the NRA,” by Bart Welling, March 7 I BEGAN READING YOUR ARTICLE BEFORE determining the absurdity of your efforts. You, sir, are the one that needs to keep his mouth shut in effort to hide your stupidity.

Not funny or entertaining at all. Take everyone’s guns away and see what you have. Then only criminals will be in possession of them. Look what happened in Australia, the year after the citizens’ guns were confiscated, their violent and gun-related crime rate jumped some 30 percent because only criminals had guns and the ordinary citizen was no threat because the ability to protect themselves was taken away.

To your point, I have guns and lots of them, carry them all the time and I am prepared and will use them to protect me, my family, and even innocent bystanders if necessary. I have carried them for over 30 years and never once pulled them or shot anyone.

These incidents of mass shooting are terrible and certainly need to be dealt with, but that is not the answer. The only place I will agree with you is there is no need for automatic weapons or magazine capacities over 10 rounds as their application is more than the public would need in a hunting situation.

How in your right mind can you think taking people’s guns will cure this problem? This is probably the reason: The U.S. was not invaded during WWII. The Japanese stated, “There is a gun behind every blade of grass,” meaning losses would be too great!

Ed Birkitt via email

JUST DRIVE

RE.: “Left Behind,” by A.G. Gancarski, March 14 I DO NOT FEEL THAT THERE IS ANYTHING INNOCUOUS about ANY phone-related activity that distracts

EDITOR’S NOTE: According to FactCheck.org, Australia’s homicide rate raised slightly the year after the gun law change, and the quotation attributed to the Japanese is “unsubstantiated and almost certainly bogus.” Why are we telling you this? To keep our commitment to the truth.

LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BRICKBATS TO DR. SPENCER LODREE In January, school officials noticed that some money appeared to be missing from the ticket sales for a recent basketball game. After being confronted about the discrepancy on Feb. 5, Fernandina Beach High School Principal Spencer Lodree admitted to stealing $1,300 from the ticket sales and then resigned.

BOUQUETS TO SHELDON GENDZIER For 60 years, Sheldon Gendzier has carried the torch previously held aloft by his father and father-in-law at River Garden Senior Services. In 1958, he joined the board of the nonprofit sponsored by the Jewish community that offers elder care services and programs in Mandarin.

Since then, he’s held just about every position on the board and various committees. Now 89, Gendzier decided the time had come to retire; he was honored during River Garden’s Anniversary Day festivities last month.

BRICKBATS TO SIGN-SNAGGERS Over the weekend of April 7 and 8, a Jacksonville resident snapped a picture of a city worker removing a sign from their yard. The sign said, “JEA is ours,” a popular rallying cry for those opposed to the city selling the utility. A source told Folio Weekly there were 20 such signs removed from a single neighborhood that weekend, while other signs were left behind.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

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FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS

CASHED

CONGRESS HAS BEEN IN RECESS, which means folks like Senators Bill Nelson and Marco Rubio make their way to Florida to message in local markets, such as happened last week.

As someone who believes that the economy is by far the most important thing that legislators can address, it was nice for me to actually have a pretext to ask questions about it without having to go too far off topic in gaggles.

What wasn’t so nice: Neither Nelson nor Rubio were able or willing to talk seriously about the straw that stirs the drink of the economy: monetary policy.

Over the decades— especially since recovery from the 2008 economic crash—we have seen the dollar weakening, which has led to expansion of federal deficits and debt ($21 trillion now, and that doesn’t include the ultimate impact of future entitlement obligations).

Closer to home, that devaluing of currency has led to a devaluing of the value of the work you and I put in. For those of us who rent, for example, prices go up more than 5 percent year over year.

That’s on average. As WJXT reported a few weeks back, short-term corporate rentals are up as much as 20 percent over the year. One can expect that holds true in hot markets and for new construction.

I mention this as a measure of monetary policy. Jacksonville hasn’t gotten hotter, per se. Loose credit and government spending obligations have made the rental market look that way.

And, as mentioned a few paragraphs back, our senators (R or D) don’t have the vocab to talk about it.

Sen. Nelson was in town last week talking about President Donald Trump’s tariffs on aluminum and steel. Using a historical reference that may have challenged some members of the gaggle, Nelson likened tariffs on metals to the wide-ranging Smoot/Hawley Act from the Herbert Hoover Administration, intimating that tariffs alone could set off a recession ... if not a depression.

Tough talk! But what about the dollar, which Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin said he was happy to weaken just months ago?

“Everything is so complicated and so inextricably entwined. The value of the dollar along with imports and exports. You throw some of that out of kilter, and then you start getting into a recession,” Nelson said, offering a non-answer to a direct question.

There’s nothing complicated about America weakening the dollar. It has been

propped up by inflating the money supply domestically and by the Treasury Department assuming shortterm debt. The idea is to keep this sinking ship afloat for one more election cycle.

Sen. Rubio was in town helping Trump message on the tax cuts act—the one that passed a few months ago, bringing short-term tax cuts to actual people while giving big businesses bigger, permanent tax cuts.

“I think the rate of spending needs to be controlled,” Rubio said.

“Ultimately the thing that drives long-term debt is the structure of very important programs that I support, Medicare and Social Security. I want to save those programs. They need to be reformed for future generations.”

So Rubio’s solution is to address the systemic issues. Just not any time soon.

When I pointed out that Mnuchin has said that he welcomes dollar weakness, Rubio—like Nelson—gave a non-answer.

“That fluctuates based on global trends; it also fluctuates based on the administration,” Rubio said.

In other words, it just, you know, happens.

What happens with the dollar is more important to you and me than most of the things our politicians have focus-grouped takes on. As brutal as our foreign wars are and have been, the vast majority of us will never see military action in them. However, we can’t help but see the effects of monetary policy.

We see it in our 60-hour-plus work weeks, and the havoc they wreak on everything from personal relationships to community involvement. We see it in our inability to save, and in the hidden costs passed on by companies just trying to keep shareholders happy for one more quarter.

The politicians now in office won’t have an honest conversation about monetary policy.

And you’re not going to get one out of them any time soon.

George Orwell described a concept—the “two-minute hate”—that fits our news cycle.

Essentially, we careen from one manufactured outrage to the next. Get swept up in the swirl of protests and counterprotests. Then, six months later, it’s all but forgotten.

Meanwhile, we all get poorer and more leveraged out. Yet there are no bullhorns or placards or flash mobs objecting to that.

And there won’t be until it’s past too late. Ask Argentina about that.

OUT Florida’s Senators FLUB QUESTIONS about monetary policy

A.G. Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com @aggancarski

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

NEWS AAND NOTES: CLAPBACK EDITION TOP HEADLINES FROM THE ASSOCIATION OF ALTERNATIVE NEWSMEDIA TROLLING TRANSPARENCY

>

The survivors of the horrific shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School have developed next-level clapback abilities in the two months since their classmate murdered 17 of their peers and teachers. Sadly, they’ve needed it, because the more reasoned, smart, thoughtful and committed they prove themselves to be, the more unleashed, angry and insane the far-right trolls have become.

So when the school required students to carry clear backpacks as a probably well-intentioned, utterly idiotic and ineffective means of keeping them safe, the kids clapped back HARD. Miami New Times reports that the students began using the backpacks as a platform of sorts to make a point: “They think they’re stupid invasions of privacy that don’t protect anyone,” writes Brittany Shamas, or, as one student described it on Twitter, “an illusion of security.” Some put signs in the bags, like, “I donut support these backpacks,” “Ravioli ravioli give us gun control,” and “So when are our clear uniforms coming in?” Others got more creative. The clear winner: The kid who made his into a legit fish tank—complete with live fish. What will those cool cats at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School think of next?

< MORE THAN A PENDULUM

In a thoughtful editorial, LEO Weekly editor Aaron Yarmuth writes that the current wave of activism and calls for change are far, far more than a pendulum swing. “What’s going on today— The Resistance—is a generational reset,” Yarmuth writes. He believes that the activists taking to the streets today are those who will drive the political parties of tomorrow.

In support of his argument, Yarmuth points out how the Parkland students forced our very own pro-NRA legislature to pass the first gun-control legislation in decades, that the Black Lives Matter movement has gotten body cameras on police officers across the nation, and that teachers in West Virginia spent nine days on strike until they got the raises they sought. Though he acknowledges there are more liberals involved, Yarmuth doesn’t see this as a Democrat-led movement—rather a cross-party shift in dialogue and priorities. And he issues a warning to Democrats who resist the resistance: Get on board or get swept up in the wave. Shades of Ken Kesey, circa 1964, i.e., “You’re either on the bus or off the bus.”

< THE SWEETEST REVENGE

Nearly 16 years ago, the nation was gripped by the story of Elizabeth Smart, a 14-year-old Salt Lake City girl who was kidnapped, held for nine months and finally, dramatically, rescued. Now a wife and mother of two, Smart has released her second book, Where There’s Hope: Healing, Moving Forward and Never Giving Up. In advance of her visit to their city for her book tour, Smart recently chatted with Boise Weekly about the book and coming to terms with the horror she experienced. She says that, although her captors “will probably never feel sorry” for kidnapping, raping and chaining her up, she doesn’t need them to be sorry to move on and, in a way, forgive. ”I needed to let go of it and move forward,” Smart said. “Forgiveness really is not for the other person.” This wisdom has enabled the girl who lived a nightmare to become a woman living the dream. “I am in fact living my happily ever after.”

< TAKE THAT, MISOGYNISTS

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Ah, sexism, that oldest of isms. As if women don’t naturally experience enough literal pains in the vulva (hello, menses and childbirth), we get to experience figurative pains for even having vulvas (hello, gender-based discrimination, rape culture and misogyny). A couple of kick-ass femmes in Cali have come up with the perfect solution to being held back due to misogyny in the music industry: Run our own damn festival.

Oakland’s Women in Music Festival was created in 2017, reports East Bay Express, and this year it’s going to be bigger, better and consistently chick-centric. Founders Evangeline Elder (aka DJ Red Corvette) and Carmena Woodward told EBE they were inspired to create the festival by the hurdles they’ve had to jump because they have vaginas, which has taught them how important it is for gals to support each other. “Women have done more favors for us than men,” Elder said, “And that’s the basis of the festival: You need your girl allies in the music industry.” The Folio Weekly all-female editorial and art departments salute you!

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

FOLIO O O COMMUNITY COMM MUNITY : NEW NEWS W Jax Beach’s Sonja Fitch uses her fence to deliver an anti-Trump message … earning both IRE AND LOVE from neighbors

THE SIGN

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IN MORE THAN THREE YEARS, SONJA FITCH HAS produced more than 400 pieces of satirical political artwork—her gallery walls are her fence on Ninth Street South in Jacksonville Beach. As a result, she says, she’s been a victim of hate crimes, hate speech, vulgarities and vandalism, and continues navigating the political gauntlet of the city of Jacksonville Beach that wants Fitch to put an end to her signage because it claims it violates the city’s temporary sign ordinance.

Yet she persists, seeing the issue as protecting her free speech and her right to peacefully protest.

“When I first started doing this, it was a way for me to be involved in what was going on in the world. And, my God, it morphed into hundreds of people stopping, thanking and talking to me, telling me how much they appreciate me standing up for them. Which never occurred to me that was what was going to happen,” Fitch said recently.

She tells story after story after story. After putting up signs about Putin and Trump, a man from Crimea, who dubs Fitch his American mother, came to her home, where he broke down and told her how Putin had taken everything he had ever had.

A German woman, visiting for six months so her husband could get therapy at Baptist Medical Centers Beaches, would come in and cry on her couch, explaining she was scared of the current political direction of the United States and that Fitch’s house was the only safe place she had seen where anyone was speaking out.

Muslim doctors who live in Queens Harbour tell her how frightened they are to leave the children home alone.

Fitch is a retired first-grade teacher and union organizer, one of the first female union organizers for the teachers’ union in Florida and Georgia. Her father, a WWII vet, worked in construction, helping build the Buckman Bridge. She has pictures on her walls of family members, noting many of them were killed by various forms of cancer. She points to a picture of a Japanese girl, her adopted sister, Wendy, who died of colorectal cancer.

“Wendy was the first non-white to go to our school in Clay County,” says Fitch. “The Klan came to our house to burn a cross, and my daddy walked outside to yell at ‘Junior’ that Wendy wasn’t gonna hurt nobody; that they needed to go … and they did … . That’s how long I’ve lived here.”

Fitch moved to Jax Beach six years ago after doctors had given up on treating her

autoimmune disorders and told her she didn’t have long to live. The house and the signs/art began after she’d recovered enough to be mobile again, putting up non-political artwork that slowly morphed into messages and signs addressing issues like climate change, texting and driving, and various causes—all without complaints from the city or her neighbors.

During the most recent presidential primaries, Fitch began creating and hanging political artwork increasingly focused on Trump and the politics of the Republican Party. She says this set the ball in motion for neighbors and Jax Beach residents to complain.

After a special magistrate’s hearing, Jax Beach city attorney Susan Erdelyi decreed Fitch needed to move her entire fence five feet, could hang a maximum of only eight signs, and all signs could not exceed 4 feet by 4 feet.

Undeterred, she resolved to move the fence. It would’ve cost nearly $4,000, but a friend who shares her political views agreed to help.

In addition to her bureaucratic and legal issues, Fitch, a petite woman of 69 years, says she’s been pushed up against her fence by a neighbor, threatened by a man in a truck, had her fence and car spray-painted, and has had numerous pieces of her art destroyed.

“I think it’s terrible the way she’s been treated; I don’t like seeing Nazi stuff going up. They came and did other things, too.

They stole a flag,” says neighbor Martha Backer. “We moved here three years ago from Miami, and this is one of the first people I met. She had some signs, and over

two years, it morphed into a little more political stuff.

“I really like it. It’s interesting. Sonja is a teacher. She worked for the union, she worked with teachers, she’s intelligent. I think this is a bulletin board. I think she should be allowed to have her free speech.”

Fitch’s garage is filled with gifts from hundreds of admirers: flowers, peace signs, bottles of liquor, cards, letters, even a bottle of mouthwash from a Trump hotel. She continues to recount stories of community members who appreciate her political voice, telling of parents of transgender kids who stop in to talk.

She says there are about twice as many people who stop by to talk and encourage her to continue her peaceful protests; then, of course, there’s a minority who yell curse words from their cars as she sits in front of her fence, reading or relaxing. Lately she’s been reading Fire and Fury.

“Physically, I’m limited due to my health.

Somehow I’ve become a voice for other people who can’t voice things at this point—it never occurred to me when I started doing this,” says Fitch. “It’s really unusual to me that’s that where we are in America, but that’s what this has become. People are so alienated and left out. It’s unbelievable.

“During the past two years, I want to sit down and cry for some of these people. It’s so frustrating. If this is all I can do to make them feel better then, hell, I’m going to do it.”

Keith Marks mail@folioweekly.com

photos by Devon Sariian

LADY

DEMOTION

BONUS At the University of North Florida, former administrators who join the faculty can make

TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS more doing the same work as their peers

W

orkplace inequity is a reality. While employers pay women, on average, 80 cents for every dollar they pay a man, don’t expect to read about the genderbased pay gap in the employee handbook. To preserve the idea of a fair workplace, companies guard salaries, raises and bonuses. Who gets them and how much they receive is protected information, though equal pay for equal work will be the official line.

At the University of North Florida, where the faculty union claims there’s a 12 percent pay gap between men and women who teach, the focus is on a compensation policy written into the rulebook for academic affairs that is, according to professors on the negotiating team, a lopsided pay plan that rewards people for work they are not performing.

Since 2008, administrators who transfer to the classroom for a teaching job are permitted to maintain their top-level management salaries—up to 100 percent after six years in the job of department chair or associate dean—though as a professor they will no longer have administrative responsibilities, such as managing staff and schedules. The rule has created a wage gap among academic peers greater than

s t o r y

b y

M A R Y

the price of a luxury car—or two—within many departments, according to records.

Documents say many administrators have made the transition to the faculty and salary discrepancies among these former administrators and professors of the same rank, who perform the same job within the same department, have reached $40,000, $50,000, and $60,000—or more. Lots more. (See chart on pg. 14.) In one case, the discrepancy is $142,000.

Now some professors are fighting to change that.

According to Marshall Ogletree, executive director of the United Faculty of Florida (UFF), the state union based in Tallahassee, the policy challenges the idea of equal pay for equal work and offers an unsettling lesson about financial compensation at this public university in Jacksonville, which is supported each year by millions of public tax dollars.

Legislators, he maintains, would “go ballistic” if they knew about the UNF policy because “it’s flat-out wrong.”

By phone last month, Ogletree said the bargaining committee of UFF’s local chapter is looking for possible financial abuse and excessive spending at UNF as they negotiate a new three-year contract for the school’s approximately 600 faculty members who are covered under the contract and known as “in-unit” staff. Since last August, seven bargaining sessions have been held and more talks are scheduled April 19.

UNF representatives disagree with any assessment calling the policy unsound.

M A G U I R E

p h o t o s

b y

Shari Shuman, vice president of administration and finance and Dan Moon, associate vice president of academic affairs, budgets and personnel, told Folio Weekly in a joint phone interview on Feb. 8 that administrators are members of the faculty and that leaving a management position for a teaching position is “not a demotion” but a “lateral move.”

There are limitations under the policy. Administrators who have completed four or five years of administrative service retain 60 percent of the salary stipend, while administrators who have completed fewer than four years of service retain none of the stipend.

Greg Gundlach, a professor of marketing, management and logistics for UNF’s Coggin School of Business, who once worked as an administrator at the school and benefitted from the policy, says the policy is “mind-boggling.”

Gundlach says any rule to pay administrators “far, far” more than academic peers within the same department “creates a perverse incentive structure” which, in his opinion, “… doesn’t seem right.”

The policy, he says, has long-term implications for retirement benefits because the university contributes up to three percent of an employee’s annual salary to a 401(K) retirement plan.

“Oh, yeah,” he said in a phone interview in February. “That’s a big deal.”

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D E V O N

S A R I A N APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

DEMOTION

BONUS <<< FROM PREVIOUS

G

undlach maintains a vocal position on the faculty union’s collective bargaining team, which is pushing for reductions in the salary of former administrators as part of a new agreement. One proposal submitted to university officials last month would set salaries for administrators joining the faculty for the first time at median department rates. Former faculty members rejoining the department after time as chair or associate dean could return to the salary they received prior to joining the administration. “Of course they’d get any increases that had been provided over the time they served as an administrator,” he says. “That would be the right way to do this.”

The faculty union is calling for a four percent salary raise for 2017-2018, to begin retroactively if approved. They also seek a one-time bonus of $3,000 and family leave under a three-year agreement proposed for 2017-2020.

The union says it hired two forensic accountants to study UNF’s revenues and costs for operations and believes there’s a significant amount of money needlessly funding former administrators. According to records provided to FW, the per year additional compensation cost to UNF under the policy (2.0330P) is $401,500.

“Really? It’s that much? We suspected but didn’t know for sure,” says Gundlach.

At the April 7 bargaining session, UNF negotiators said in a document that the annual total for administrator stipends is

DEPARTMENT

(# of admins turned professors)

English (2) Exceptional, Deaf & Interpreter Education (3) Biology (4)

Sociology, Anthropology & Social Work (1) Leadership, School Counseling & Sports Management (1) Management (1) Criminology & Criminal Justice (1) Philosophy & Religious Study (1) Marketing (3)

Childhood Education, Literacy & ESOL (1) Music (1) Psychology (1) 14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

$138,000. Gundlach quickly viewed the paperwork, which had been provided through a public records request, and questioned the dollar amount. There is also concern about a stipend versus a salary. And, he says, “It doesn’t include associate deans.”

That same day, UNF President John Delaney sent faculty a “Message from the President” by email, saying the legislature would provide $6 million in new money for the operating budget following the school’s 10-point improvement over last year on a performance metric for state universities that measures such things as second-year student retention and four-year graduation rates.

Calling it “good news,” he said the school will be proposing raises.

But Delaney also squashed any hope that the money could be put into paychecks, saying “Keep in mind, this system only provides one-time, non-recurring funding that cannot be used for raises or to hire.”

In a follow-up message, the president’s office clarified that the state money is for 2018-2019 operations and not the current year. Delaney, who was mayor of Jacksonville from 1995 to 2003, is retiring at the end of May after almost 15 years as UNF’s president.

School officials say the budget for raises this year is $818,000, which would provide enough money for the in-unit faculty to receive a two percent increase in the first year of a three-year agreement. Officials are offering to reopen salary talks in year two and year three, according to the UNF bargaining team, but say there are no guarantees. Officials have rejected the union’s family leave proposal, intended to care for any family member in need, such as an aging parent, and are offering, instead, parental leave with a one-time, one-semester leave to care for one child in need, but only after all personal time is used. If both parents work at UNF, only one parent would be allowed to take the leave, according to the proposal.

FORMER ADMINS’ PEERS’ SALARY SALARY RANGE $215,000 $73,000-$99,000 $107,500 $180,500 $159,000 $131,200 $166,000 $123,000 $114,000 $97,000 $139,500

$75,000-$88,500

$78,000-$91,000

$75,000-$79,500

$114,000

$88,500-$93,000

$135,000 $102,500 $94,000

$97,000-$130,500 $74,500-$75,000 $75,000-$88,000

$148,500 $126,500

$130,500-$136,000

$121,500 $88,500

$79,000-$81,000

$88,000

$69,000-$85,000

$102,000

$74,000-$94,000

“We’re calling it UNF’s ‘one-child’ policy,” says Gundlach, making a reference to China’s one-child birth policy.

Gundlach says the union also has issue with the policy on the transfer of former administrators to faculty, saying it is at odds with a state statute (Title 14, Chapter 215) that says no extra compensation can be provided after a contract is made. In-unit faculty, including former administrators, are covered by the bargaining unit agreement, he says.

The Board of Governors, which oversees the State University System, told FW in February it doesn’t see an issue with UNF’s policy.

Still, Gundlach, who spent 20 years at the University of Notre Dame before joining UNF, says the bargaining committee could not find a similar policy at the 11 other schools in the State University System. Neither could FW. But there is some ambiguity.

At the University of Florida, a spokesperson says, “administrative supplements” are given to faculty members who perform administrative duties, such as serving as dean, but that they end “when the faculty member ceases to perform these administrative duties.” But, wrote Director of Communications Margo Winick in an email March 6, “There is not a policy that specifies how the supplement should be handled” and that it is determined on a “case by case” basis.

Most other responses follow those provided by the University of South Florida in Tampa, whose spokesperson Lara Wade says the salary adjustment for administrators is made “to what other faculty members in their department are being paid,” and Susan Evans, vice president and chief of staff at Florida Gulf Coast University in Fort Myers, who says salaries for the provost and other vice presidents who leave administration to teach will be calculated based on experience, degrees earned and faculty salaries. All administrators, she says, “forego their administrative stipend and position and move to a regular faculty line and compensation.”

According to Gundlach, if other schools can tame the policy for administrators, so can UNF. During a break in the collective bargaining session held March 2, he said, “If you’re not doing the work of an administrator, then why would the university allow anyone to keep the money?”

T

he bargaining committee gathers in a windowless conference room, nibbling on chocolate chip cookies as they exchange ideas and observations.

Members ask similar questions and say their tolerance for the policy is over.

“We’ve had enough,” says Susan Perez, an associate professor of psychology in the College of Arts & Sciences. “It is sort of demoralizing. You can see a pay bump for additional responsibility but they’re no longer in the job.”

Mark Ari, who teaches creative writing as a senior instructor in the English department, says, “They’re getting money for work they’re not doing and that is ridiculous.”

Zornitza Prodanoff, a professor in the College of Computing, Engineering & Construction, says administrators deflect when asked about the policy. “It’s always pointed out that we’re lucky we haven’t been laid off,” she says. “We see that as a threat.”

In a presentation to the UNF bargaining team, Prodanoff maintains there is a significant gender-based salary gap at the school and also believes minorities are underrepresented on the faculty. The union, she says, is calling for a salary study.

Data from the American Association of University Professors supports claims of a

UNF collective bargaining committee and faculty union team during April 6 negotitaions over the terms of professors’ contracts.

gender-based wage gap. According to the AAUP’s compensation study, between 2015 and 2017, UNF paid full professors an average of $105,767 for men and an average of $92,733 for women, a difference of 12 percent.

The AAUP says salaries for full-time faculty members throughout the nation rose by 2.6 percent last year, though after an adjustment for inflation, the increase was just 0.5 percent. The faculty union maintains the proposed two-percent salary hike won’t keep pace with cost-of-living increases.

“We are absolutely not keeping up,” says Prodanoff.

The AAUP also cautions schools not to balance budgets “on the backs” of out-of-state students, who pay increased tuition. UNF officials announced in bargaining talks last month that out-of-state students generated an additional $1 million for the school last year.

According to finance V.P. Shuman, UNF hasn’t raised tuition in five years, though student fees are up 125 percent over the last 10 years. The money from fees, such as those at the health center, counseling clinic and shuttle bus service, she maintains, cannot be used to fund salaries. Tuition, the state and the lottery support salaries. “That’s it,” she says. Shuman tells the faculty union negotiating team at the March 1 session that the governor cut $2 million in school funding last year.

There are also concerns for contracts and grants, which have dropped 52 percent over the last 10 years, for a loss of $34 million in operating revenue, by Gundlach’s estimate.

“We’ve fallen behind sister schools,” he says.

He questions management practices because, he says, there is “never money for raises.”

David Jaeger, Chair and Associate Professor of Accounting & Finance for the Coggin School of Business, who serves on the bargaining committee for the university, says successful businesses would not fund salaries with non-recurring revenue, such as contracts and grants, “because in the long run, you know where you’re going to end up?

Bankrupt.”

Gundlach lets it go and presses the salary issue for former administrators.

“That’s an academic affairs issue,” says Shuman.

“We examined every other contract in the state of Florida and this policy wasn’t found,” he says. “Do you know how much money this involves?”

“Since I’ve been here, they’ve been doing it this way,” says Shuman. “This is how they are able to get some of the people to do some of these jobs.”

“We agree,” says Gundlach. “Pay somebody for what they’re doing.”

“My understanding is that this is happening at other places,” she says.

“It’s not done,” says Gundlach, who wants to know if UNF policy involves “millions of dollars.”

“No,” says Shuman.

T

he issue comes up again at the bargain session the following day. The meeting is held in the second floor conference room within the office of the president, with a traditional décor that’s exactly as expected: giant mahogany table, cushy leather executive chairs that swivel, golden curtains and oil paintings of past school leaders. Beyond the glass doors, in the reception area, are two leather Chesterfield sofas atop an Oriental rug. A touch of drama comes from thick bamboo poles that crowd the view through an expanse of windows.

It’s a comfortable location for a meeting with a difficult agenda. Before talks get going, there’s joking about Housing & Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson, who made news the prior month for ordering a $31,000 dining table, chairs and sideboard for his office.

UNF’s collective bargaining committee arrives ahead of the faculty union team, who are in a last-minute huddle in a nearby conference room. Participants for the school include Greg Catron, director of employee relations and labor relations; Marianne Jaffee, executive assistant to the provost; Catherine Christie, associate dean and professor at Brooks College of Health; and Jaeger. The lead negotiator is attorney Leonard Carson of the Carson & Adkins law firm in Tallahassee, who has handled labor matters for the school, including contract talks, since 2003. He says the union’s (original) request for a sixpercent pay hike, including two percent each year of a proposed three-year agreement, is “unacceptable.”

After the meeting, Carson tells FW the school will increase salaries based on “how much money is in the basket.”

He doesn’t provide a dollar amount and adds that he did not previously know about

the union’s concerns about salary for former administrators.

“First time it’s come up,” he says.

Gundlach says by phone the following week that previous negotiating committees have expressed similar concerns. But he prefers to focus on finding money to address inequities.

“If we could free up $100,000 here and there, we’re talking about the ability to cover salary inversions,” he says, referring to a practice of increasing salaries for new hires above those of senior staff in an effort to attract the best and brightest people to the school.

While UNF has spent about a million dollars to fix inversions and compressions, a situation that narrows salaries between new and senior staff and can lead to inversion, according to faculty members, it hasn’t been enough to fix wage disparities.

“UNF does not pay its faculty fairly,” says Denise Bossy, associate professor in the History Department. “There’s no good reason [for this policy].”

In a presentation at the March 1 bargaining session, according to a video stream posted online, Bossy and Erin Bennett, an associate professor at the Music School, say the situation affects 18 professors, though two of them tired of the whole affair and resigned.

“It can be demoralizing,” says Bennett.

“It’s not like we’re doing less work than our colleagues.”

Bennett, who received UNF’s Outstanding Undergraduate Teaching Award in 2012, offered a chart comparing salaries, saying “it’s slightly depressing to look at” because her salary is listed at $5,000 less than a colleague who hasn’t been at UNF as long as she has.

She maintains the gap between them was once $10 and says the disparity happened when school officials chose an implementation date to adjust salaries that left her on “the wrong side” of the line.

She says she joined union representatives for meetings with President Delaney about correcting the inversions and put the total cost at $67,000. The president, she says, “consistently expressed sympathy” during several meetings held throughout a year, but did “nothing to fix the problem.”

“Does UNF value me?” says Bennett. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

Mary Maguire mail@folioweekly.com

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

FOLIO A + E

RENAISSANCE WOMAN

Amanda Shires, one-half of Nashville's POWER COUPLE, makes her own music

T

he two most powerful recent interviews with Amanda Shires are from opposite ends of the journalism spectrum.

First, Southern Living asked how Shires balanced six careers–mother, singer, songwriter, fiddle-player, wife and student. Second, last December, Shires and husband Jason Isbell sat down with NPR to talk about representation, diversity, privilege and sexism in country music, and examined their own balance of gender and parental roles. In short, Shires is the very definition of a modern Renaissance woman, comfortable discussing her forthcoming album, her evolving relationship with the fiddle and her unabashed love of Florida.

Folio Weekly: Social media tipped us off to the fact that you’ve been working on a new album.

How much can you reveal?

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

FILM Italian Slasher Thrillers MUSIC Descendents ART UNF Students ART Jim Smith's Improbable Sci-Show LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR

PG. 18 PG. 19 PG. 23 PG. 25 PG. 26

Am Amanda Shires: It’s all finished, and it’s go going to be out August 3. I’m playing so some of the new jams on the road for the fir first time in Florida.

arguments. When Hillary wasn’t elected, people got mad enough to be willing to talk about all this bullshit. But at least we’re talking.

Wa Was the writing and recording process di different from 2016’s My Piece of Land?

Co Completely different. I just had the IDGAF ma mantra–I expressed myself the way I wa wanted to, instead of considering if it fit a ggenre. I’ve been playing the fiddle for mo more than 20 years without using pedals or effects, and I did that on this record.

It’s a departure in a lot of ways. It’s made in the spirit of art and freedom. And I don’t have to worry about selling any copies because I sell enough copies now to at least be able to buy diapers.

After 20 years playing fiddle, do you ever feel the need to put it down for a spell?

Oh shit, no–for me, no way. In 2011, I broke my left ring finger in a rope swing and got three pins in it. Of course, they said I was never going play again because it was so damaged, but I got lucky and that didn’t happen. During that time, I might have experienced a little bit of burnout from playing a lot, but it also reminded me of the love and passion I have for music. I can creatively express myself in a way that I can’t always with words. Jason has the luxury of being able to put his words together quickly and eloquently, but I’ve never been as good at that as he is. Or that a lot of people are.

I depended on music to explain the world to me. I see it as my instrument grows with me. When I change, it changes with me. I feel like we’re linked–like it’s another appendage. For a lot of people, that takes time to understand. “Why are you not playing Western swing?” Or “Why are you not playing country?” Or “Now you’re gonna run your fiddle through some effects? That’s crazy, man.” But it’s the same instrument.

Did parenthood significantly shape the new material?

I have a husband and a child, and anywhere I play in the house, she wants to come and try to play at the same time.

So I had to lock myself in the closet for a month straight, 10 to 12 hours a day.

I call it a dance record, although Jason doesn’t say it’s a dance record. He just says it’s all upbeat songs. I guess I’ll wait and let the critics decide.

What’s touring with your daughter like for you and Jason?

Parenthood is a guilt-ridden experience that’s also super-joyful. Jason’s career is a lot further along than mine, so Mercy goes with him on the road. He has a tour bus, so they travel from city to city at night, and he can afford to pay for extra child care. Whereas I’m still in a van, and that’s not a safe place to put a child in the daytime when you have to drive for 12 hours. What am I going to do? Intentionally give her atrophy?

No. Also, A) I have a husband who has a clue about how to do other human maintenance, can actually care for a child and can co-parent properly, and B) he encourages me to continue my work, make my records and go on tours in the van. I feel like my bus is coming soon.

You’ve been very outspoken about political issues recently. Have you seen any meaningful change?

It’s small, but it’s happening. The more people talk about and address political issues, the faster we can see change.

It takes a lot of energy and focus to engage with others, to explain your side, to educate folks and to be educated by others, without getting into huge

You tour in Florida a lot. Tell us something fun.

I love Florida. My old friend Tiger Bill lives near Tampa. I wrote a song about him called “Bulletproof.” I toured Florida with Gregg Allman and spent a lot of time in Tarpon Springs, where he had a house. You know who else has a house down there? John Prine. Chad Gamble, drummer for [Jason Isbell’s band] The 400 Unit, vacations at Disney and even goes on a Disney cruise ship with his wife and child. My daughter Mercy saw the beach for the first time on my birthday in St. Augustine and the whole crowd on the beach sang me “Happy Birthday.” I think she was 9 months old. I’m never gonna forget that.

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

AMANDA SHIRES & HER BAND, with CORY BRANAN

7 p.m. April 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 209-0399, pvconcerthall.com, $25-$35

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

FOLIO A+E : MAGIC LANTERNS Mario Bava DAZZLED through many a genre

STYLISH SLASHERS, M

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

SCI-FI & VIKINGS

oviegoers familiar with the name Mario Bava (1914-’80) probably associate him most with Italian horror films and the giallo genre, or Italian slasher thrillers. Even for most cinéastes and cinephiles, Bava is pigeonholed.

After all, film historians consider Bava’s The Girl Who Knew Too Much (1963) the first genuine giallo film; his extremely influential 1964 follow-up—Blood and Black Lace—is among the best of that ilk. As far as stylish atmospheric horror goes, it’s impossible to ignore the impact of Black Sunday (’60) and Black Sabbath (’63), one starring the inimitable Barbara Steele and the other with Boris Karloff in one of his best performances.

The prolific Bava, who began as a cinematographer and special-effects wizard before graduating to director, did impressive work in genres as different as “sword and sandal” epics (or peplum) to sci-fi and even an occasional spaghetti western. Just released in stunning restoration by Arrow Films are two of Mario Bava’s more atypical but still worthy ventures beyond horror and the thriller.

Caltiki, the Immortal Monster (’59) is a scifi monster movie and Erik the Conqueror (’61) features Vikings fighting Britons in the Ninth Century. Both movies were obviously an effort to capitalize on earlier hits from other countries, the UK’s The Quatermass Xperiment (’55) and Hollywood’s The Blob, (’58), with “Steven” McQueen in his first starring role.

They were the impetus for Caltiki and The Vikings (’58’s big hit with Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis) clearly inspired Erik.

Working with rather limited budgets and time, Bava still imbued both films with a special kind of visual magic. Particularly in the restored presentations (with Blu-ray and richly illustrated liner notes), Caltiki and Eric are a welcome treat for Bava fans and a good entry point for newbies, as he demonstrates his considerable range.

Caltiki opens with archaeologists exploring a hidden Mayan ruin; they discover a fearsome gob of goo that was apparently responsible for driving previous denizens away centuries earlier. In this opening section, Bava gives full vent to impressive visual skills, linking a volcano with the eerie ruins and the ominous pool which houses the dire blob of Caltiki.

The hodgepodge plot, cadged as it is from earlier movies, includes a “tribal dance” done as the team deals with a triangle of Prof. Fielding and wife Ellen (John Merivale, Didi Sullivan) and the villain, Max Gunther (Gérard Haerter). Chaos ensues as they clash with what they think is a dying Caltiki; Fielding extracts a small specimen for further study in England. (Psst: it’s immortal, guys.)

You can guess what happens to that specimen after it’s zapped with radiation.

And, yes, the bad guy’s arm nearly dissolved from being encased in Caltiki, and now he’s murderously nuts. And there’s a comet approaching Earth—could it make Caltiki grow and destroy us all?

Plot is not one of the film’s strong points, nor the wooden acting and sketchy dubbing for the non-Italian actors. Instead, Caltiki thrives on Bava’s clever special effects, lighting and design, and finally suspense. Though Ricardo Frede is credited as director, even he acknowledged the movie was mostly Bava’s.

Now we can see it better than ever after more than 50 years.

Bigger-budgeted and shot in glorious color, allowing Bava the chance to expand his visual palette, Erik the Conqueror is about two young Viking brothers, Erik and Eron (top billing for Hollywood “star” Cameron Mitchell as Eron), separated by treachery when their father dies. Erik becomes a British prince; Eron rules the Vikings. Jump ahead 20 years to sea battles, lovelorn maidens, sadistic tortures and a besieged castle—of course the brothers discover their identity in time to kill the bad guy and save the blonde—and of course her twin hooks up with Erik.

Preposterous? Sure. Still, it’s gorgeous and seductive fun, Erik (like Caltiki) includes a fascinating commentary by Bava scholar Tim Lucas, also the editor/publisher of influential bi-monthly journal Video Watchdog (19902017). Included on the disc is an hour-long audio interview with Cameron Mitchell, whose career abroad included extensive work with European masters as well as Bava. Mitchell’s insights into the filmmaking process are an able complement to his colorful experiences.

A superb filmmaker who considered himself first and foremost an entertainer, Mario Bava was also an exacting craftsman and artist, as these two films demonstrate.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

NOW SHOWING CIVIC CINEMA Erin Brockovich, with Julia Roberts, runs 7 p.m.

April 12; a Q&A follows with James Richardson, Kristina Nelson, Lisa Rinaman and Terry Carr, at Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, free, floridatheatre.com.

CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ The Other Side of Hope and Game Night screen. Throwback Thursday is My Big Fat Greek Wedding, noon April 12. Fanny runs noon April 14. 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 697-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

IMAX THEATER Pandas 3D, Ready Player One 3D, Amazon Adventure, Extreme Weather and Dream Big screen. Rampage starts April 12. St. Augustine, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

SUN-RAY CINEMA A Quiet Place, Death of Stalin and Isle of Dogs screen. Distant Sky - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds runs 7 p.m. April 12. Check website. 1028 Park St., 359-0049, sunraycinema.com.

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

T

he band Descendents are punk rock royalty, akin to Chuck Berry’s place in rock ’n’ roll, Grandmaster Flash’s position in hip hop and Mozart’s role in classical music (Beethoven would be Black Flag). Formed in Manhattan Beach, California in 1977, the Descendents have written and recorded some of the most seminal punk anthems of all time (“Suburban Home”/”Clean Sheets”/”I Don’t Want to Grow Up”/”Bikeage”/”All”/”No All”) with a lineup that has remained consistent (and highly caffeinated) for a long, long time (Milo Aukerman on vocals, Stephen Egerton on guitar, Bill Stevenson on drums and Karl Alvarez on bass). While the band has been in existence for 40 years or so, they haven’t released as many albums as one would suppose (fewer than 10), based mostly on the varied interests/day jobs of some members; Stevenson owns and runs The Blasting Room Studios, a recording studio in Fort Collins, Colorado, and Aukerman was—until recently—a biochemist. Aukerman left that job in 2016, allowing the Descendents to come back and inject their brew of melodic hardcore on listeners with their most recent studio effort, Hypercaffium Spazzinate.

Drummer, songwriter and man-with-mostsurgeries-not-associated-with-the-sport-offootball Bill Stevenson recently paused during a busy day to talk with FW about being an aging punker, drinking way, way too much coffee and, unrelatedly, flatlining. And music.

Folio Weekly: It’s been a dozen years (or so) since we’ve heard from the Descendents.

What have you been up to and what is Hypercaffium Spazzinate?

Bill Stevenson: We’ve been playing a lot of shows, I’ve had two craniotomies, Milo quit his job, a lot of cool things. Hypercaffium Spazzinate was something Milo came up with.

He was in his lab and he dripped something he was working on into his coffee. He drank the coffee and it made the coffee have a total crazy effect, like he’d had 50 cups of coffee.

So, he experimented around a little more and ultimately gave it that name to represent a new chemical compound.

I assume it will be on the Periodic Table soon?

Yeah, right next to Barium Nitrate.

There is a song on Hypercaffium Spazzinate called “No Fat Burger,” about getting older and having to eat healthier. It flies in the face of “I Like Food.”

LIKE MOZART,

BUT MORE

PUNK Descendents bring their CODGER ROCK to NEFla

DESCENDENTS, RADKEY, REHASHER 7 p.m. Sunday, April 15, Mavericks Live, Downtown, $25

That’s my favorite song on the album. It’s similar subject matter but not written from the same perspective of a 23-year-old.

You must not have many peers who have been able to sustain for as long as the Descendents have.

I was actually talking to Brian Baker [of Minor Threat] about that the other night. I asked him, “Who’s it going to be, you guys or us?”

What makes you still want to keep climbing behind the kit?

It’s fun. As long as our musical discovery continues to exist, we’ll keep playing. When I was younger, I could handle lugging around Marshall amps and playing eight hours a day.

As you get older, well, now I only deal with it two hours a day, and then an-hour-and-a-half.

You don’t just wake up one day and you’re a grandpa; it comes over time. We fly out every couple of weeks and do some shows, then we come home and lick our wounds and hang out with our kids. Then we fly out a few weeks later and do more. When you are young, and you have no family and you’re single, playing 200 shows a year is optimal. But now, I have a home to come home to and a wife and daughters and wiener dogs and cats. It’s also rad being in charge of my own culinary destiny as opposed to having fast food all the time.

[Stevenson and I then discuss enchiladamaking for an extended period.]

You have gone through some tough times recently; I hope things are going well for you now. Beyond playing with the Descendents, you’re involved in producing and recording.

How has music been cathartic for you?

Yeah, it’s great. It’s great to be able to express myself musically and it’s also exhilarating on a physical level, as a drummer. They say, “rock ’n’ roll keeps you young,” and I think it does. I certainly don’t feel 55. And, yeah, I have been through some stuff. I’ve had two craniotomies, one openheart surgery, one open-lung surgery during which I flatlined for 30 minutes, one knee surgery, one eye surgery; the most recent one was extensive radiation on my brain.

So, yeah, let’s do this.

I was watching an interview that Milo and Karl did and—I’m paraphrasing—they called you a songwriting savant and said that the band wouldn’t exist if you weren’t playing in it. That must feel really great to hear.

That makes me very happy that Milo would say that. He and I have been friends for 37 years or something stupid, so it’s not like we give each other that kind of positive feedback on a daily basis. That means a lot to me that he still feels that way 38 years into the band. That just made me happy.

Back to coffee: How much coffee is too much coffee?

For me, too much is maybe 14 espressos at once. But six isn’t enough for me to get through a show playing tempos that were established when I was a teenager.

That’s a lot of caffeine. What makes a good cup of coffee?

Milo bought me an espresso maker a few years ago; I really like that. I like the dark beans. No cream, no sugar, just black. For a while, I was doing that bulletproof thing, with the butter and some coconut, but when I showed up for my open-heart surgery and asked the dude about it, he said, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He said it’s bad and everyone is going to die from it; we just don’t have the research for it. It gets you jacked, though. I just don’t want to have another open-heart surgery. Those suck. They saw your chest open.

Danny Kelly mail@folioweekly.com

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ARTS + EVENTS PERFORMANCE

NOISES OFF Michael Frayn’s play-within-a-play of a theater director and his troupe attempting adult British farce. 8 p.m.

April 13, 14 & 15 at Phase Eight Theater Company, WJCT Studios, 100 Festival Park Ave., Northbank, $20, facebook.com/events.

US DRAG An absurdist tragicomedy about a cult of misfits, Ed the serial killer, and two women in Manhattan. Opens 7:30 p.m.

April 12, runs through April 15 at FSCJ’S Wilson Center for the Arts, 11901 Beach Blvd., $10, $5 students/staff, fscj.edu.

MONEY MATTERS Barbara Wells directs the comedy which is staged 8 p.m. April 13, 14, 20 & 21; 3 p.m. April 15 & 22 at Orange Park Community Theatre, 2900 Moody Rd., 276-2599; $18; opct.info.

STUDENT ONE-ACT PLAYS Directed by Jacksonville University students, 7:30 p.m. April 17, 18 & 19 at JU’s Swisher Theater, 2800 University Blvd. N., $10 adults/$5 seniors/military/ students/kids, ju.edu/cfa.

BEAUTIFUL The musical is a close look at singer/ songwriter Carole King’s career; through April 15 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, $69-$110, fscjartistseies.com.

SPRING DANCE CONCERT Hybrid and fusions, 7:30 p.m. April 12, 13 & 14 at JU’s Swisher Theater, $10 adults/$5 seniors/ military/students/kids, ju.edu/cfa.

FIVE GUYS NAMED MOE Luckless Nomax is aided by five men (yes, named Moe) in a jazzy tribute to tenacity and bravery; through May 6 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$64 + tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD Legendary story adapted by Christopher Sergel, runs April 12-21 at Amelia Musical Playhouse, 1955 Island Walkway, $10 students, $15 general, 277-2455, ameliamusicalplayhouse.com.

OLA ONABULÉ World music 11 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. April 13 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Riverside, free, 355-7584, fridaymusicale.com.

CLASSICAL + JAZZ

CHRIS BOTTI Grammy-winning jazz trumpeter Botti is the world’s premier jazz instrumentalist. He performs 8 p.m.

April 13 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, floridatheatre.com, $35-$75.

WINDBORNE’S MUSIC OF DAVID BOWIE Guest conductor Brent Havens guides the Jax Symphony and guest vocalist Brody Dolyniuk in a tribute to the Thin White Duke, 8 p.m. April 13 & 14 at the T-U Center, Downtown, $19-$72, jaxsymphony.org.

JU CHAMBER ENSEMBLES An evening of chamber music performed by JU student groups. Trios to quintets, it’s all here, 7:30 p.m. April 14 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, $10 adults/$5 seniors/military/students/kids, ju.edu/cfa.

IN FLANDERS FIELDS Songs of Peace, War and Reconciliation, works by contemporary American composers including Elizabeth Alexander, Kirke Mechem, and Jeffrey Van, 7:30 p.m. April 15 at JU’s Terry Concert Hall, $10 adults/$5 seniors/military/students/kids, ju.edu/cfa.

TIM KLIPHUIS, ALFONSO PONTICELLI Performing genremash-ups of gypsy jazz, folk and classical, violinist Kliphuis and Ponticelli, known for his involvement in Chicago’s jazz scene. They play 7:30 p.m. at Walker’s Landing, 11 Beach Lagoon Rd., Amelia Island, ameliaislandchambermusicfestival.com, $40.

COMEDY

STEVE BROWN Brown’s I Need A Security Guard Tour is here 8 p.m. April 12 & 13; 7:30 & 10 p.m. April 14 at The Comedy

FIELDS OF COLOR THE ART OF JAPANESE PRINTMAKING is on view through Nov. 25 at the Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, Riverside, free for members, $10 nonmembers, cummermuseum.org.

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FOLIO A+E : ARTS

T

here is art on the walls, more art leaning at angles beneath those pieces, and even art placed carefully on the ground. An expressionistic bronze bust sits atop a pedestal; a large landscape resting against the column’s base. There is a weird order to this collection of paintings, drawings and prints, sculpture, and works of every imaginable medium. The artists who made these might be young, but the quality can be impressive.

For the next few hours, artist Tony Rodrigues is the sole juror of the show.

More than 100 pieces were submitted for the University of North Florida’s Art + Design Juried Student Annual Exhibition; by day’s end, Rodrigues will have narrowed that number down to around 50 works that’ll be featured in the show.

Sporting a red polo shirt, his arms sleeved in tattoos, hair cropped short, Rodrigues could be either an arts educator or a punk rock musician. Over the course of his decades-long creative life, he’s been both. In the local art community, Rodrigues is known for creating paintings, with swaths of color and clip-art-like signifiers floating in a kind of tonal mist that are wholly incongruent to the rest of the scene.

A BFA graduate of Atlanta College of Art, Rodrigues is probably the only judge in UNF’s history who can speak expansively about the subtleties of both Ed Ruscha and the Jesus Lizard. Since 2014, and under the auspices of the Cathedral Arts Project, Rodrigues has helmed a highly praised program, teaching visual arts at John E. Goode Pre-Trial Detention Facility and PACE Center for Girls. So he brings a lot to the table as far as a singular artist and educator, equipped with a vast array of important experience.

“It’s the juror’s choice and it’s designed to set a standard. It’s about looking at the work that’s produced and pulling together a cohesive show. It’s not about whether something is better or worse; but obviously some things are,” explains artist-educator Jim Draper, UNF’s Curator of Galleries. “The show is not about the individual quality of the work or the craftsmanship as much as it is the content and the cohesiveness.”

Draper hand-selected Rodrigues as this year’s juror because of the artist’s skills in tying all of those strands together in creating an estimable exhibit.

“I appreciate Tony’s aesthetic and knew he would put a lot of thought into this,” explains Draper. “I also thought Tony would

JUDGING APPEARANCE

BY

Tony Rodrigues brings his SINGULAR TAKE on visual arts to judge UNF student art show bring a different aesthetic. Even though he teaches, he’s not fully immersed in academia so he’s not looking at things as ‘art assignments.’” Draper also cites the fact that Rodrigues is highly aware of the international contemporary arts scene and is “probably more in line” with that scene than most.

Considering the number of works now placed in every possible space in the gallery, Rodrigues works fairly quickly. He’ll look at a print and then quickly head to the far side of the room, to again scrutinize a particular painting. “I’m not looking at this as a ‘student’ show, but rather at which objects look the best and also what art I would collect.”

The students’ works run the gamut, from a solemn representational painting of a house to a black-and-white print that’s akin to the punk rock and lowbrow art scenes.

“The work is really varied,” says Rodrigues, of the thematic and media used in the collected pieces. One he views as “post-postmodernism”—a second nearby piece strikes him more as “psychedelic album cover” art. When judging these respective pieces, he seems to regard them using the same unilateral criteria. A third piece loses points for “presentation” but he keeps returning to that particular work for another perusal.

“For me, I emphasize that context and title are important. If I’m enjoying something, say, with a sense of irony, is that intentional?” As he walks along the space between the front row of blue plastic chairs set up in the gallery space, and the work gathered in the space, his focus is apparent.

“If one of these pieces is dealing with really ‘heavy’ subject matter, then I really lean toward subtlety.”

Scanning the dozens of works, he speaks of the “psychology” of one piece, the aesthetically pleasing “depth of practice” of a second, and praises a third for not being “overly specific.”

Will these three make it into the show?

“Absolutely.”

He leans down and examines two pieces.

“In a curatorial sense, these two seem to be ‘talking to each other,’ if that makes sense. So it’s two different artists, but in the show, it’s about making those kinds of relationships.”

The only real formal limitation Rodrigues is up against is the actual gallery space. So a larger piece, if deemed worthy, might take the potential territory of 10 smaller pieces. And in turn, he acknowledges there have been some “hard cuts” in vetting the art for this show.

“Keep in mind that, in choosing the pieces, you really want to think about the overall show in the sense that you want people to come back and see it again.”

Rodrigues admits that, to some, he might have “peculiar” or “unusual” tastes in art. But there are certain universal principles of visual art, however used by any particular artists, which attract him. “The use of materials,” he says. “And always content, content, content.

But that being said, sometimes I appreciate a good painting for just being a good painting.”

Rodrigues and Draper have been in the gallery for hours. They’re ready to knock off and grab some lunch and, while his selections for the exhibit are essentially locked into place, Rodrigues is considering coming back and doing one more pass at the collected submissions.

While he’s juggling objectivity with his own subjective views, education and, perhaps most important, experience with visual art, Rodrigues also stresses he’s really here to astutely encourage these student artists, rather than sweepingly eviscerate their current work.

As a former art student, Rodrigues had been on the other end of this experience, with his submitted work being judged for campus exhibits. “I’d either make the cut or get cut,” he says, while acknowledging he won the Juror’s Award for photography. So he fully understands the sensitive nature of what he’s doing and, in some ways true to form, is dismissive of the academic “grading” of the art.

The first place prize for the exhibit is $100, but Rodrigues is dealing in a different currency.

“This isn’t about ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ It’s really about making the best possible art show.”

Daniel A. Brown mail@folioweekly.com

ART + DESIGN JURIED STUDENT ANNUAL EXHIBITION Opening reception 5-7 p.m. April 12, University of North Florida Gallery of Art, Southside. Exhibit runs through April 27; unf.edu/gallery

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ARTS + EVENTS Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $21-$150, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

RYAN DAVIS He’s opened for Tom Green, Jay Pharoah and Michael Blackson. Davis is on 7:30 p.m. April 12, 13 & 14; 9:45 p.m. April 13 & 14 at The Comedy Zone, 3103 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $20-$114.50, comedyzone.com.

BRIAN DIAMOND, LINDSEY GLAZER They’re on 9 p.m.

April 14 at Jackie Knight’s Comedy Club, Gypsy Cab Co., 828 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 461-8843, $12, thegypsycomedyclub.com.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

PROMENADE THE ALCAZAR To celebrate Alcazar Hotel’s 130th anniversary and Lightner Museum’s 70th anniversary, folks may submit original artworks inspired by the theme, Promenade the Alcazar. The winner will be selected by museum staff; $1,000 prize; deadline is May 31, lightnermuseum.org/art-contest.

THE FRANK ART GALLERY Art inspired by the film The Wizard of Oz is sought; deadline April 15, submit work to thefrank@ppines.com.

SWAMP APE REVIEW The review seeks work (visual and written) that reflects our fair state of Florida in all its mythological weirdness. Deadline ongoing; submit at swampapereview.com.

ART WALKS + MARKETS

THE MAKERY SPRING MARKET Makers, designers, creative entrepreneurs and the local community gather and inspire.

11 a.m. -8 p.m. April 14, 11 a.m.-4 p.m. April 15 at Space 42, 2670 Phyllis St., Riverside, eventbite.com, $6.22.

DIG LOCAL NETWORK The weekly network hosts farmers’ markets, including Beaches Green Market, 2-5 p.m. every Sat., Jarboe Park, Florida Boulevard & A1A, Neptune Beach; The Midweek Market, 3-6 p.m. every Wed., Bull Park, 718 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach; The ABC Market, 3-6 p.m. every Fri., 1966 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach.

ST. AUGUSTINE AMPHITHEATRE FARMERS MARKET Live music, yoga (bring mat, water bottle), flowers, baked goods, art, artisan wares, local produce, 8:30 a.m. every Sat., 1340 A1A S., 209-0367.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local/regional art, produce, live music–Al Poindexter, The Firewater Tent Revival, Ace Winn– 10 a.m. April 14 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

FERNANDINA BEACH MARKET PLACE Farmers, growers, vendors; local goods, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Sat., North Seventh Street, Historic District, fernandinabeachmarketplace.com.

JACKSONVILLE FARMERS MARKET Open daily dawn to dusk, ‘Beaver Street’ farmers market offers an art gallery, food, crafts, etc., at 1810 W. Beaver St., Westside, 354-2821, jaxfarmersmarket.com.

BERRY GOOD FARMS MOBILE MARKET Accepts Snap and WK, 10:30 a.m.-1 p.m. every Mon. at Pearl Plaza, 5322 N. Pearl St., Brentwood.

MUSEUMS

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM JU, 2800 University Blvd. N., 256-7374, ju.edu. Senior Thesis Projects, through April 25.

AMERICAN BEACH MUSEUM 1600 Julia St., Amelia Island, 510-7036. Artifacts and information about the journey of vision, struggle, joy and triumph of this historic site, and its contemporary inhabitants.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, flagler.edu. Olivia Block’s two sound installations, Four Channels, exhibit through April 14.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 29 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Judith Tankard signs copies of her novel, Ellen Shipman & the American Garden, 10 a.m. April 13. In the Garden, through April 22. Thomas Hart Benton & the Navy, through June 3. Fields of Color: the Art of Japanese Printmaking, through Nov. 25.

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Lana Shuttleworth’s Nature Reconstructed, through June 3.

LIGHTNER MUSEUM 75 King St., St. Augustine, 824-2874, lightnermuseum.org. Brendan Burke, of St. Augustine Lighthouse, discusses “Florida’s Fleet: A Boatbuilding & Fishing Legacy from the First Coast,” at 6:30 p.m. April 12, $10.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. Project Atrium artist is Anila Agha. A Patterned Response, a collaborative work by UNF students, Jason John, Gallery Director Jim Draper and the curatorial team is exhibited; an opening reception is 6-8 p.m. April 19.

MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Cir., Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. Hands-on exhibit NANO shows basics of nanoscience and engineering, through June 17. Science Fiction, Science Future, through May 13.

GALLERIES

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

THE 5 & DIME, A THEATRE COMPANY 112 E. Adams St., Downtown, the5anddime.org. Tony Wood’s Model Relationships exhibits in April.

THE ART CENTER COOPERATIVE The Jacksonville Landing, tacjacksonville.org. Picasso Kids Art Show on view through May 18.

ADELE GRAGE COMMUNITY CENTER 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach. Robert Leedy’s watercolors are on exhibit through April.

BREW 5 POINTS 1024 Park St., Riverside. Thony Aiuppy’sThe Shape of Color combines collage, printmaking and painting; on exhibit through April, thonyauippy.com.

CUTTER & CUTTER FINE ART 25 King St., St. Augustine, cutterandcutter.com. Mark Yale Harris displays new works in conjunction with his 80th birthday.

FSCJ DOWNTOWN GALLERY 101 State St., 633-8100. 1,000 Words: The Intersection of Art & Poetry through May 4.

HIGH TIDE ART GALLERY 850 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, thehightidegallery.com. Works by Erin Finney, Jami Childers.

MAKERSPACE 333 N. Laura St., Main Library, jaxpubliclibrary. org. Banksy’s Haight Street Rat and Writing on the Walls, Visual Literacy through Street Culture, through April 14.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 1 Independent Dr., Downtown, southlightgallery.com. A collaborative art gallery exhibiting and selling works by professional regional artists. Doug Eng’s work is featured in April.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., staaa.org.

Spring Members Show, through April.

STELLERS GALLERY PONTE VEDRA 240 A1A N., 273-6065.

Jennifer J.L. Jones and John Schuyler exhibit works; an opening reception is 6-9 p.m. April 13.

UNF ENVIRONMENTAL CENTER 1 UNF Dr., Southside. The Pre[serve] art exhibition is a student and alumni juried show of works inspired by Sawmill Slough Preserve, a 382-acre nature preserve on UNF’s campus; through April.

UNF GALLERY OF ART 1 UNF Dr., Southside. The 2018 Student Juried Art Annual Exhibition runs through April 27; opening reception is 5-7 p.m. April 12.

THE VAULT AT 1930 1930 San Marco Ave., thevaultat1930. com. Mary St. Germain exhibits Of Ponderance and Muse. An opening reception is 5:30 p.m. April 13; through April.

EVENTS

TIM GILMORE’S WRITER’S WORKSHOP The event, to gently help writers hone their skills, is 6-8:45 p.m. April 11 at Chamblin’s Uptown, 214 N. Laura St., Downtown, facebook. com/events.

RAP TOUR of HOMES The 44th annual tour of historic homes in Riverside/Avondale features a VIP preview party with a 1920s theme, 6-10 p.m. April 12, $75. The tour is 10 a.m.-5 p.m. April 14, and noon-5 p.m. April 15, $20-$35; raphometour.com.

THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME This is the 2018 event to benefit Guardian Ad Litem children. “Children caught in the judicial system through no fault of their own Ad Litem volunteers!” said honorary chair Julia Taylor. Proceeds from the Oz-themed event support advocacy for abused and neglected children in the dependency court system of the Fourth Circuit Guardian Ad Litem Program, which serves Clay, Nassau and Duval counties. 5:30-9:30 p.m. April 13 at Duval County Courthouse, 501 W. Adams St., galfirstcoast.org/ theres-no-place-like-home/, $75-$100.

CLUB SAVOY Friday night dancing (free lessons 7-8 p.m.), 7-11 p.m. April 13 at Club Savoy, 6354 Arlington Rd., $10 members, $14 nonmembers.

ENVIRONMENTAL CHALLENGE WEEKEND Information about the challenges of protecting the environment in a fun atmosphere, with music by Uncle Eddie & Robin. Speakers include Jane West, Jen Lomberk, Bill Hamilton, Lisa Blizzard and Janet Stanko. 5-9 p.m. April 13, 10 a.m.-2 p.m. April 14 at Willie Galimore Center, 399 Riberia St., St. Augustine, stjohnsdemocraticparty.org.

OYSTER JAM Oysters, beer & live music by Conch Fritters, Neon Whiskey and Southern Rukus, 11 a.m.-8 p.m. April 14, Jax Landing, jaxlanding.com.

HIKE for HOPE Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in America; the hike aims to right this wrong, 10 a.m.-noon April 14 at UNF Trails, Southside, register at afsp.org/jaxhike.

LOCAL AUTHORS Diane Quick-Machaby, Dr. Edward Mickolus, Sally Constain and Mary Greenwoood discuss their books and the publishing process, 1-3 p.m. April 14 at Anastasia Island Branch Library, 124 SeaGrove Main St., St. Augustine Beach, 209-3730, sjcpls.org.

BARTRAM BASH It’s the 14th annual bash celebrating America’s first native-born naturalist, William Bartram.

With music by Tommy Bledsoe, booths and wares, yoga and, lord, yes, a Stetson Kennedy reenactor. 8 a.m.-2 p.m.

April 14 at Alpine Groves Park, 2060 S.R. 13, Switzerland, visitstaugustine.com, free.

ISRAEL at 70 Fun and educational activities, and festivities including a Yom Hazikaron ceremony, plus an art exhibit and a screening of Ben Gurion, Epilogue; noon-3 p.m. April 15 at Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin, facebook.com/events.

PAN MARCO A handpan show and performance, 7-10 p.m.

April 15 at Karpeles Manuscript Library, 101 W. First St., Springfield, facebook.com/events.

JEFFERY DEAVER The author discusses and signs copies of his 14th Lincoln Rhyme novel, The Cutting Edge, 7 p.m.

April 17 at The BookMark, 220 First St., Neptune Beach, 241-9026, bookmarkbeach.com.

ART BATTLE It’s exactly what it sounds like: Artist against artist, a live painting tournament showcasing local artists, 7 p.m. April 18 at Hotel Palms, 28 Sherry Dr., Atlantic Beach, 241-7776, $20, artbattle.com.

JACKSONVILLE DANCE FILM FESTIVAL The third annual festival shows student films at 5:30 p.m., international shorts at 6:30 p.m. and national dance films at 8 p.m. April 19 at MOCAJax, 333 N. Laura St., jacksonvilledancefilmfestival, $10. __________________________________________ To list an event, send the time, date, location (street address and city or neighborhood), admission price and contact number to print to Madeleine Peck Wagner; email madeleine@folioweekly.com or mail 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Items run as space is available.

Deadline noon Wed. for next Wed. printing.

FOLIO A+E : ARTS Artist Jim Smith looks to the FUTURE by looking to the PAST

A DASHING SHOW OF

CONTRAPTIONALIA J

im Smith’s steampunk-inspired sculpture exhibition Inventors Left to Their Own Devices has already brought a touch of fancy to the foyer of the Museum of Science & History on the Southbank. Now the Jacksonville-based artist promises to kick the whimsy factor into overdrive with a special, family-friendly evening that will bring the world of steampunk to life.

Billed as Jim Smith’s Improbable Sci-Show, it’s an art reception and performance piece in one. It’s held, appropriately, on Friday the 13th of April, hosted by Smith’s longtime—albeit fictional—muse, Martha Doyle Jennings. He hints a time-traveler may visit the show.

Of course, you must suspend your disbelief for the duration. Like all steampunk creations, this is science-fiction, with an emphasis on fiction. You’ll find just enough authentic historical detail to ground the action in the Victorian era but from there on out, all bets are off. The alternate reality of steampunk is an ultramodern world where anything is possible—and it’s made possible by thennewly discovered 19th-century technology.

Forget computers. Steampunk is all about contraptions.

To prevent any confusion, all of Smith’s steampunk works bear this disclaimer: “WARNING! This display, which combines the art of assemblage sculpture with the art of storytelling, contains alternative facts.”

Likewise, the characters in Jim Smith’s Improbable Sci-Show aren’t real time-travelers, but actors bedecked with steampunk’s signature goggles, gears, breeches and corsets.

Smith has been riding the steampunk wave since it was a humble swell. The literary genre label was coined in the 1980s to match the equally newfangled niche cyberpunk.

Steampunk was so new at the time that Smith, a Connecticut native who paid his dues in New York before locating to Jacksonville in 1977, didn’t even know what it was.

“I was just making sculptures,” Smith recalls, “and friends and students started telling me I was doing steampunk.”

Steampunk has become a subcultural force to be reckoned with over the ensuing years, outgrowing its literary roots and stretching its tentacles into everything from film to fashion.

It’s all the rage at comic conventions and cosplay events. Smith embraces the aesthetic but, even though his brand of steampunk shares much of the established iconography, it bends it in a different direction.

“Like bluegrass needs a banjo,” explains Smith, “steampunk needs gears and brass and pulley systems. Those are some of the elements that make it instantly identifiable as steampunk. Where my work differs is in tone.

Most steampunk is lighthearted or tonguein-cheek. My sculptures aren’t made to look fun. They’re made to look old and possibly

dangerous. And they’re all attributed to real historical figures.”

This gravitas probably has something to do with Smith’s formative years in the nononsense 1970s New York City art world as well decades of experience as a professional instructor. He has been teaching art at The Bolles School since landing in Jacksonville some 40 years ago.

Yet there is a playful side to Smith’s steampunk œuvre. By his own admission, he’s drawn to the genre’s theatrical side.

“If I had to do it over again,” he says, “I might’ve been a magician. I want people to believe what they’re seeing. I don’t want to cheat or lie, but I want to make art that’s credible enough that people are willing to follow the story even if they know it’s just a story.”

So Smith created his own mythology around his steampunk sculptures. According to his lore, Martha Doyle Jennings is the greatgranddaughter of Sherlock Holmes creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Smith met the heiress in France in 1987, just in time to salvage the contents of a long-forgotten Doyle family property on land that was soon to be seized for the Channel Tunnel project.

Inside the barn was a treasure trove of machines created by the 19th century’s most celebrated storytellers. There’s Edgar Allan Poe’s Device to Treat Melancholia, which induces euphoria by delivering chemicalinfused metal spheres into the sinus cavity.

There’s Jules Verne’s Gravity Suspension Device, a brass-plated hodgepodge of knobs, tubes and reservoirs that appears to hold aloft a blue square in thin air. There’s Mark Twain’s Spirit World Auto-Writer, a literary Ouija Board of sorts. These and five other similar machines comprise the MOSH exhibition.

The fanciful origin story addresses a very practical problem for Smith.

“I hate writing artist’s statements,” Smith says. “They make you sound either stupid or pompous. So rather than write an artist’s statement, I wrote a steampunk story.”

For all their fantastic trappings and elaborate backstories, however, these works continue Smith’s earliest explorations into sculpture and assemblage art.

“There’s not much difference between my steampunk sculptures and my assemblages made in the ’70s,” he says. “I’m still putting objects together and making thematic connections between them. It’s like syntax in poetry. If you can connect the right words in the right order, you can communicate something that transcends individual elements.”

The opening reception for Jim Smith’s Improbable Sci-Show is 6:30-8 p.m. Friday, April 13 at MOSH, 1025 Museum Cir., themosh.org. The show runs through April.

Georgio Valentino mail@folioweekly.com

OVERSET

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The LONE BELLOW perform their “wide open and sincere” songs, 8 p.m. April 16 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, pvconcerthall.com, $28-$104.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

LEVITATION JONES, PARROTICE, AFTERCITIES 8:30 p.m.

April 11, Surfer the Bar, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 372-9756, eventbrite.com, $10 advance, $15 door.

TINA & HER PONY 8 p.m. April 11, Blue Jay Listening Room (BlueJay), 2457B S. Third St., Jax Beach, bluejayjax.com, $20.

LEELYNN OSBORN 6 p.m. April 11, Prohibition Kitchen (ProhibitKitch), 119 St. George St., St. Augustine, pkstaug.com.

COREY KILGANNON, OH JEREMIAH 8 p.m. April 12, BlueJay, $20.

SPANKY the BAND 6 p.m. April 12, Jax Landing, Downtown.

IMPIETY, GRAVEHILL, DIVINE EVE, SATURNINE, WORSEN 7 p.m. April 12, Jack Rabbits (JackRab), 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, jaxlive.com, $12.

JULIA GULIA 9:30 p.m. April 12, Cheers Park Avenue (Cheers), 1138 Park Ave., Orange Park, 269-4855, $2.

BRIAN ERNST, JIVE KATZ COLLECTIVE 6 p.m. April 12, ProhibitKitch.

MARTY FARMER 6 p.m. April 12, Boondocks Grill & Bar (Boondocks), 2808 Henley Rd., Green Cove Springs, 406-9497, boondocksrocks.com.

ZOOGMA, BELLS & ROBES 8 p.m. April 13, 1904 Music Hall (1904MH), 19 Ocean St., Downtown, 1904musichall.com, $10-$18.

STYX, DON FELDER 7 p.m. April 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre (StAugAmp), 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, staugamphitheatre.com, $39-$104.

SAVANTS OF SOUL 8:30 p.m. April 13, Surfer.

HIGHWAY JONES 7 p.m. April 13, JaxLanding.

PINEBOX DWELLERS 8 p.m. April 13, BlueJay, $20.

CHELSEY MICHELLE & CHRIS UNDERDAL, FUNK BUTTER 6 p.m. April 13, ProhibitKitch.

AMANDA SHIRES & HER BAND, CORY BRANAN 8 p.m.

April 13, PVCHall, $25-$35.

NEON BOMBSHELL, RUFFIANS, TOP SHELF PEOPLE 8 p.m.

April 13, JackRabbs, $8.

DARRELL RAE 9:30 p.m. April 13, Boondocks.

CHRIS BOTTI 8 p.m. April 13, The Florida Theatre (FlaThtr), 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, floridatheatre.com, $35-$75.

ANDY JONES, JASON EVANS BAND 5 p.m. April 13, Cheers, $2.

SOUTHERN RUKUS 8 p.m. April 14, JaxLanding.

SOULO LYON BAND 8:30 p.m. April 14, Surfer.

THE BLACK ANGELS, BLACK LIPS 6:30 p.m. April 14, Backyard Stage, StAugAmp, $27.

RAISIN CAKE ORCHESTRA, The FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL 6 p.m. April 14, ProhibitKitch.

SUBURBAN CLAY, NEAR EMPTY, STAYNE THEE ANGEL, THE KNOWING WITHIN, MODERN ALCHEMY 8 p.m. April 14, JackRabbs, $8.

HARD 2 HANDLE 10 p.m. April 14, Boondocks.

NEON WHISKEY 9:30 p.m. April 14, Cheers, $2.

THE WAILERS, ZANDER 8 p.m. April 14, PVCHall, $28.50-$33.50.

THE REVIVALISTS 7 p.m. April 14, FlaThtr, $29.50-$34.50.

THE BEACH BOYS 7 p.m. April 15, StAugAmp, $44-$84.

SOUTH CITY 8:30 p.m. April 15, Surfer.

WILDFIRE RISING 6 p.m. April 15, JaxLanding.

FORLORN STRANGERS 8 p.m. April 15, BlueJay, $20.

JESSIE EVANS April 15, ProhibitKitch.

DESCENDENTS, RADKEY, REHASHER 7 p.m. April 15, Mavericks Live, Jax Landing, Downtown, 356-1110, $25.

JERSEY BOYS 3 p.m. April 15, Thrasher-Horne Center, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6750, thcenter.org, $79.

DR. DOG, KYLE CRAFT, SON LITTLE, ALEX G 8 p.m. April 15, PVCHall, $28.50-$33.50.

BIG SEAN, SHY GLIZZY, PLAYBOI CARTI, GASHI 8 p.m. April 15, Daily’s Place, Downtown, 633-2000, ticketmaster.com, $40.50-$70.50.

LOU BARLOW 6:30 p.m. April 16, Rain Dogs (RainDogs), 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969, eventbrite.com, $26.34.

SONGS FROM THE ROAD BAND 8 p.m. April 16, BlueJay. THE LONE BELLOW 8 p.m. April 16, PVCHall, $28-$104.

ONE NIGHT OF QUEEN: GARY MULLEN & THE WORKS 7 p.m.

April 17, PVCHall, $38-$43.

TREVOR BARNES 8:30 p.m. April 17, Surfer.

BRENT BYRD BAND, KING TAYLOR PROJECT, MJ BAKER 8 p.m.

April 17, JackRabbs, $8.

ABBA THE CONCERT 8 p.m. April 17, FlaThtr, $29-$50.

ASLYN & THE NAYSAYERS, WES COBB 6 p.m. April 17, ProhibitKitch.

WANEE WEDNESDAY: JIMI MEETS FUNK, ROOSEVELT COLLIER TRIO, BEN SPARACO & THE NEW EFFECT, JUKE, BONNIE BLUE 6 p.m. April 18, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park (SwanneeMusic), 3076 95th Dr., Live Oak, 386-364-1683, musicliveshere.com.

CLAIRE VANDIVER 8 p.m. April 18, BlueJay, $10.

GLEN PHILLIPS 8:30 p.m. April 18, Café Eleven (Café11), 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311.

LEELYNN OSBORN 6 p.m. April 18, ProhibitKitch.

SOULO 8:30 p.m. April 18, Surfer.

BRIAN CULBERTSON 8 p.m. April 18, FlaThtr, $36.50-$59.50.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

ROGER THAT April 19, Cheers JOHN PRESTAGE April 19, BlueJay HOLD, LP III April 19, ProhibitKitch PAUL IVEY April 19, Boondocks BRUCE COCKBURN April 19, PVCHall SCOTT BRADLEE’S Postmodern Jukebox April 19, FlaThtr NDKA April 20, Surfer LONELY HIGHWAY April 20, JaxLanding WANEE 2018: WIDESPREAD PANIC, PHIL LESH & TERRAPIN FAMILY BAND, AS THE CROW FLIES, DARK STAR ORCHESTRA, ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES, CHRIS ROBINSON BROTHERHOOD, NORTH MISSISSIPPI ALLSTARS, KARL DENSON’S TINY UNIVERSE, SONNY LANDRETH, THE MARCUS KING BAND, GEORGE PORTER JR. & THE RUNNING PARDNERS, LES BROS, BOBBY LEE ROGERS, BIG SOMETHING, BERRY OAKLEY’S INDIGENOUS SUSPECTS, CRAZY FINGERS April 19-21, SpiritSuwannee THOMAS RHETT, BRETT YOUNG, CARLY PEARCE April 20, Dailys

MYSTIC GRIZZLY, LURK CITY, AFTERCITIES, REST IN PEACE, ROCKS N BLUNTS, VAMPA, DUROSAI, RICHIE GRANT, JULIAN M, BENNY BLACK April 20, 1904MH ABRAHAM PARTRIDGE April 20, BlueJay GO GET GONE, CHILLULA April 20, ProhibitKitch CHRIS TOMLIN, KIM WALKER-SMITH, MATT MAHER, CHRISTINE D’CLARIO, TAUREN WELLS, PAT BARRETT April 20, VetsMemArena SOUTHERN RUCKUS April 20, Boondocks MARK JOHNS April 20, Cheers RICKY SKAGGS & KENTUCKY THUNDER April 20, PVCHall BANDS on the RUN April 20, RainDogs JUNKYARD BLUES SOCIETY, LOWRCASE G April 20, JackRabbs NEW ROCK SOUL April 21, Surfer LIL BOOSIE April 21, Mavericks PAUL IVEY & THE SOULS OF JOY April 21, JaxLanding KYLE JENNINGS & KEVI POST April 21, BlueJay MODEST MOUSE, MASS GOTHIC April 21, StAugAmp JARROD LAWSON April 21, Ritz Theatre HEADCHASER, INNER DEMONS, EVICTION, HANGMAN’S CROWN, The CHROME FANGS April 21, 1904MH SAILOR JANE & the SWELL, SOUTH CITY LIVE April 21, ProhibitKitch ALLISON IRAHETA & HALO, GARY LAZER EYENS, SECRET CIGARETTES, LIL STARZY, ASTER & IVY April 21, JackRabbs ERIC COLLETTE & BAND April 21, Boondocks OLD 97’s, JAMIE WYATT April 22, PVCHall CHELSEA SADDLER April 22, ProhibitKitch WALTER PARKS, BERNARD PURDIE, VIVIAN SESS0MS April 22, BlueJay JIMMY PARRISH BAND April 22, JaxLanding AMUSE April 22, Nobby’s TREV BARNES April 23, ProhibitKitch DAVID FOSTER April 24, FlaThtr CATATONIC SCRIPTS, BOBBY KID, DIVEBAR April 24, JackRabbs AARON THOMAS April 24, Surfer 10,000 MANIACS April 25, PVCHall WEST BROOK & FRIENDS April 25, BlueJay LEELYNN OSBORN April 25, ProhibitKitch NOLAN NEAL April 25, Nobby’s THE INDEPENDENTS April 25, NightHwks LYDIA LOVELESS, JACKIE STRANGER, DEADKAREN April 25, JackRabbs TAD JENNINGS April 25, Surfer GINGER BEARD MAN April 25, Cheers RAMONA TRIO, THE SUEDES/CYRUS April 26, ProhibitKitch OFFICIAL ROCKVILLIAN PRE-PARTY: STEREO, SOULSWITCH, F.I.L.T.H., SCRUFFY BUM & THE FAT MAN April 26, JaxLanding MADI CARR April 26, BlueJay RUEN BROTHERS April 26, JackRabbs JOHNNY MATHIS April 26, FlaThtr OZZY OSBOURNE, FOO FIGHTERS, AVENGED SEVENFOLD, QUEENS of the STONE AGE, POP EVIL, PALACE ROYALE, BLACK MAP, BILLY IDOL, FIVEFINGER DEATHPUNCH, GODSMACK, STONE SOUR, BLACK VEIL BRIDES, AVATAR April 27-29, Metro Park

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

BLACK JACKET SYMPHONY, JACKSONVILLE ROCK SYMPHONY: SGT. PEPPER’S 50TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR April 27, FlaThtr EVERCHANGE BAND April 27, JaxLanding CHILLULA April 27, Surfer MARTY FARMER April 27, Boondocks RAISIN CAKE ORCHESTRA, RAMONA BAND April 27, ProhibitKitch SOUTHERN BURN BAND April 27, SpiritSuwannee CASSIDY LEE, WILDFIRE RISING April 27, Cheers TAUK, S.P.O.R.E. April 27, 1904MH ALLMAN GOLDFLIES BAND April 27, BlueJay WINTER WAVE, BANQUET, STRANGERWOLF, MODERN VIOLENCE April 27, JackRabbs YANNI April 27, StAugAmp SONDRA HUNT BAND April 28, SpiritSuwannee B-SIDES April 28 & 29, Surfer AUDIOKICK April 28, JaxLanding THE COPPER TONES April 28, ProhibitKitch TOMMY TALTON April 28, BlueJay ALAN PARSONS PROJECT, CARL PALMER April 28, FlaThtr THE DOG APOLLO, THE FORUM, DADS DAY OFF, MODEST IMAGE April 28, JackRabbs SCOTT McGINLEY, SOULS OF JOY, PAUL IVEY April 28, Boondocks THE GRASS IS DEAD April 28, 1904MH CHRISTINA BIANCO April 28, UNF’s Lazzara Hall TRAE PIERCE & THE T-STONES April 29, ProhibitKitch JOHN MULANEY April 29, FlaThtr BIG BABY April 29, JaxLanding WILLOWWACKS April 30, ProhibitKitch VICTOR WOOTEN, SINBAD, REGI WOOTEN, ROY WOOTEN, BOB FRANCESCHINI May 1, PVCHall KEN ANOFF May 1, Mudville SUWANNEE RIVER JAM: ALAN JACKSON, JOSH TURNER, LOCASH, EASTON CORBIN, TYLER FARR, THE LACS, KENTUCKY HEADHUNTERS, WILLIAMS & REE May 2-5, SpiritSuwannee CALAHONEY May 2, BlueJay JELLY ROLL, STRUGGLE JENNINGS, YONOS May 3, JackRabbs JERRY SEINFELD May 3, T-UCtr STEPHEN SIMMONS May 3, Mudville LITTLE BIG TOWN, KACEY MUSGRAVES, MIDLAND May 4, StAugAmp HUNTERTONES May 4, Riverside Fine Arts TODRICK HALL May 4, PVCHall GYPSY STAR May 4, Mudville KEVIN MAINES & THE VOLTS May 4, BlueJay SKILLET, FOR KING & COUNTRY May 4, Dailys ZACK DEPUTY May 4, ProhibitKitch MUDTOWN, THE COSMIC HIGHWAY, FERNWAY, DIGDOG May 4, JackRabbs HERB ALPERT, LANI HALL May 4, FlaThtr JIM MURDOCK, CITY of BRIDGES May 4, Cheers GAMBLE ROGERS MUSIC FESTIVAL: PETER ROWAN, VERLON THOMPSON, MEAN MARY, VERONIKA JACKSON, BRIAN SMALLEY, PASSERINE, SAM PACETTI, THE STARLIGHT TRIO, THE ADVENTURES OF ANNABELL LYNN, BELL & THE BAND, RED & CHRIS HENRY’S ALLSTAR BAND, WILD SHINERS, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE, THE OBSCURE BROTHERS, BRIAN SMALLEY, THE ASHLEY GANG REUNION, REMEDY TREE, ROTAGEEZER, BELMONT & JONES May 4-6, Colonial Quarter, St. Augustine OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW May 5, T-UCtr’s Moran Theater The NATIONAL, BIG THIEF May 5, StAugAmp SKATING POLLY, RUNNERS HIGH, SOUTH POINT BAND May 5, JackRabbs KRIS KRISTOFFERSON May 6, FlaThtr JACOB HUDSON May 6, BlueJay The GIPSY KINGS, NICOLAS REYES, TONINO BALIARDO May 6, StAugAmp KASH’D OUT, TUNNEL VISION, SERANATION May 6, JackRabbs JAMES TAYLOR & HIS ALL-STAR BAND, BONNIE RAITT & HER BAND May 8, VetsMemArena VANCE JOY May 8, StAugAmp RUBEN STUDDARD Luther Vandross Tribute May 9, FlaThtr TFDI & KRISTOPHER JAMES May 9, BlueJay JOE BONAMASSA May 10, StAugAmp TEMPLES May 10, JackRabbs POST MALONE, 21 SAVAGE May 10, Dailys OZONEBABY May 11 & 12, Cheers REBECCA LONG BAND May 11, Mudville THE WONDER YEARS, TIGERS JAW, TINY MOVING PARTS, WORRIERS May 11, Mavericks MAGIC GIANT, YOUNG RISING SONS May 11, JackRabbs LARRY FLEET & PHILLIP WHITE May 11, BlueJay CHOIR OF BABBLE, THE NED, KID YOU NOT, ANCESTROS CORD May 11, Sarbez STEVE FORBERT May 12, Mudville THE PAUL THORN BAND, HEATHER LEE, JORDAN WYNN May 12, PVCHall CHOIR OF BABBLE May 12, RainDogs FLAGSHIP ROMANCE May 12, BlueJay THE LIFE & TIMES, PLS PLS May 12, JackRabbs MARC COHN & HIS TRIO May 13, PVCHall STEELY DAN, The DOOBIE BROTHERS May 13, Dailys BRADFORD LOOMIS May 13, BlueJay BAHAMAS May 14, PVCHall BAY KINGS BAND SHOWCASE May 14, BlueJay OH WONDER, ASTRONOMYY May 15, PVCHall ODESZA May 16, Dailys BUCKETHEAD May 16, PVCHall DEAD EYES ALWAYS DREAMING, TODAY’S LAST TRAGEDY, ALBERT THE CANNIBAL May 16, JackRabbs BLISTUR May 18, Cheers CHAD PRATHER May 18, PVCHall

THE STEELDRIVERS May 18, ProhibitKitch RACHEL McGOYE May 18, BlueJay ATLANTIC CITY BOYS, ABAGAIL, JAX SILHOUETTES, MAC GANOE May 19, Mudville STEVE EARLE & THE DUKES, THE MASTERSONS May 19, PVCHall KYLE JENNINGS May 19, BlueJay THE SUEDES May 20, BlueJay AARON LEBOS REALITY, MATT HENDERSON, COLIN PATERSON May 21, JackRabbs LINCOLN DURHAM, THE GHOST WOLVES May 22, JackRabbs THE BUNNY, THE BEAR, IT LIES WITHIN May 23, Nighthawks WEST BROOK & FRIENDS May 23, BlueJay MATTYB & the HASCHAK SISTERS May 24, PVCHall MORGAN HERITAGE, JEMERE MORGAN, E.N. YOUNG May 24, JackRabbs DAMON FOWLER May 25, BlueJay EVERCLEAR, MARCY PLAYGROUND, LOCAL H May 25, Mavericks THE BIRD TRIBE May 26, BlueJay DAVID CROSBY, JAMES RAYMON, MAI AGAN, STEVE DISTANISLAO, JEFF PEVAR, MICHELLE WILLIS May 27, PVCHall FLIPTURN, SKYVIEW, SOUTH POINT May 27, JackRabbs BRANDON McCOY May 27, BlueJay BIG BOI May 28, 1904MH DIRTY HEADS, AWOLNATION, JUDAH & THE LION, FRONT BOTTOMS, AJR May 27, StAugAmp HYMN for HER, DIXIE RODEO May 30, BlueJay THE COATHANGERS, THE WOOLLY BUSHMEN, MERCY MERCY May 30, JackRabbs CHASING JONAH, LANNDS, GABE DARLING June 1, JackRabbs 4 YOUR EYEZ ONLY WORLD TOUR: J. COLE June 2, Mavericks DANCE GAVIN DANCE, I SEE STARS, ERRA, SIANVAR June 2, PVCHall DR. NEU & BLUJAAFUNK June 2, Mudville THE DICKIES, THE QUEERS, BLURG, FRIENDLY FIRE June 3, JackRabbs DISCORD CURSE, BECOMES ASTRAL June 4, JackRabbs JOHN FOGERTY, ZZ TOP June 5, StAugAmp The ASSOCIATION, The TURTLES, CHUCK NEGRON, GARY PUCKETT, MARK LINDSAY, THE COWSILLS June 7, FlaThtr LEE HUNTER June 7, Mudville HARRY CONNICK JR. June 8, StAugAmp ORDINARY BOYS June 9, 1904MH SIXES, HOLLOW LEG June 10, JackRabbs PARAMORE, FOSTER THE PEOPLE June 12, StAugAmp LA LUZ, TIMOTHY EERIE June 14, Root Down

McFARLAND June 15, JackRabbs SALT N PEPA, SPINDERELLA, KID ’N PLAY, COOLIO, TONE LOC, THEA AUSTIN, C&C MUSIC FACTORY, FREEDOM WILLIAMS June 16, StAugAmp BLUE HORSE June 16, Mudville STARBENDERS, 5 CENT PSYCHIATRIST June 16, JackRabbs PHIL KEAGGY June 16, Murray Hill Theatre BRIT FLOYD Eclipse June 17, FlaThtr JESUS WEARS ARMANI, IN CONFIDENCE June 19, JackRabbs LUKE PEACOCK June 20, Mudville COMBICHRIST, WEDNESDAY 13 June 20, Mavericks LATE NIGHT SPECIAL June 21, JackRabbs LUKE BRYAN, JON PARDI, MORGAN WALLEN June 22, VetsMem CHARLIE FARLEY June 22, JackRabbs PIXIES June 24, FlaThtr REBELUTION, STEPHEN MARLEY, COMMON KINGS, ZION I, DJ MACKLE June 24, StAugAmp CITY IN THE CLOUDS, MODEST IMAGE June 24, JackRabbs INANIMATE EXISTENCE, THE LAST OF LUCY, FIELDS OF ELYSIUM June 25, JackRabbs AMERICAN AQUARIUM, TRAVIS MEADOWS June 27, JackRabbs BELLE & THE BAND June 28, Mudville TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS, MARCUS KING BAND June 29, Dailys BOY GEORGE & CULTURE CLUB, B-52S, TOM BAILEY June 29, StAugAmp MIKE SHACKELFORD June 29, Mudville THIRTY SECONDS TO MARS, WALK THE MOON, MISTERWIVES, JOYWAVE July 1, Dailys DONNY & MARIE OSMOND July 1, StAugAmp INTERACTIVE INTROVERTS: DAN & PHIL July 5, StAugAmp BARENAKED LADIES, BETTER THAN EZRA, KT TUNSTALL July 6, StAugAmp 3 DOORS DOWN, COLLECTIVE SOUL July 7, Dailys COHEED & CAMBRIA, TAKING BACK SUNDAY July 8, Dailys ANNABELLE LYN July 12, Mudville SLIGHTLY STOOPID, PEPPER, STICK FIGURE July 19, StAugAmp OAK RIDGE BOYS July 20, Thrsh-HrnCtr STEVE MILLER BAND, PETER FRAMPTON July 20, StAugAmp CHICAGO, REO SPEEDWAGON July 22, Dailys DON McLEAN July 27, PVCHall POCO, PURE PRAIRIE LEAGUE, ORLEANS July 27, FlaThtr DISPATCH, NAHKO & MEDICINE FOR THE PEOPLE, RAYE ZARAGOZA July 29, StAugAmp

KING TAYLOR PROJECT (pictured) perform with Brent Byrd Band and MJ Baker, 8 p.m. April 17 at Jack Rabbits, San Marco, jaxlive.com, $8.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC VANS WARPED TOUR: 30H!3, THE INTERRUPTERS, KNUCKLE PUCK, MAYDAY PARADE, REEL BIG FISH, STATE CHAMPS, THIS WILD LIFE, WATERPARKS, LESS THAN JAKE, THE MAINE, MOVEMENTS, REAL FRIENDS, SIMPLE PLAN, TONIGHT ALIVE, WE THE KINGS, AMITY AFFLICTION, CHELSEA GRIN, DEEZ NUTS, ICE NINE KILLS, KUBLAI KHAN, MYCHILDREN MYBRIDE, SHARPTOOTH, TWIZTID, WAGE WAR, AUGUST BURNS RED, CROWN THE EMPIRE, DAYSEEKER, EVERY TIME I DIE, IN HEARTS WAKE, MOTIONLESS IN WHITE, NEKROGOBLIKON, AS IT IS, ASSUMING WE SURVIVE, BROADSIDE, CAPSTAN, DON BROCO, PALACE ROYALE, SLEEP ON IT, STORY UNTOLD, TRASH BOAT, WITH CONFIDENCE, FAREWELL WINTERS, LIGHTERBURNS Aug. 2, Old Cypress Lot near Met Park COUNTING CROWS, LIVE Aug. 4, Dailys O.A.R. Aug. 5, Dailys JASON MRAZ, BRETT DENNAN Aug. 17, Dailys UMPHREY’S McGEE, SPAFFORD Aug. 18, StAugAmp LINDSEY STIRLING, EVANESCENCE Aug. 20, Dailys JEFF BECK, PAUL RODGERS, ANN WILSON Aug. 23, Dailys KICK OUT THE JAMS 50TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR: MC50 (WAYNE KRAMER, KIM THAYIL, BRENDAN CANTY, DUG PINNICK, MARCUS DURANT) Sept. 6, StAugAmp HERE COME THE MUMMIES Sept. 22, PVCHall DAVID BYRNE Sept. 26, FlaThtr NEED TO BREATHE, JOHNNYSWIM Oct. 2, Dailys SUWANNEE ROOTS REVIVAL Oct. 11-14, SpiritSuwannee GENE WATSON Oct. 13, PVCHall STEEP CANYON RANGERS Oct. 14, FlaThtr KATHLEEN MADIGAN Nov. 15, FlaThtr FAREWELL YELLOW BRICK ROAD TOUR: ELTON JOHN March 15, VetsMemArena

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS

AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA

GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Buck Smith Thur. Dan Voll Fri. Yancy Clegg Sun. Vinyl Nite Tue. LOCALS’ COCKTAIL LOUNGE, 869 Sadler Rd., 775-5943 Live music Thur.-Sat. PALACE SALOON, 117 Centre. St., 491-3332 Chilly Rhino 9:30 p.m. April 15 SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 King Eddie & Pili Pili April 11. Terry Campbell & Alan Dalton 6 p.m. April 12. Hupp de Huppman 2 p.m., The Firewater Tent revival 7 p.m. April 13. Cyrus & Lindzy, Honeybadgers April 14. JCnMike, Charlotte P April 15. Brian Ernst April 17

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores Wed. Jazz Sun. Live music Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free Tue. & Thur. Indie dance Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance Fri. MONTY’S/SHORES LIQUOR, 3644 St. Johns Ave., 389-1131 Chelsey Michelle 10 p.m. April 13. The Bennettrators 10 p.m.

April 14

THE BEACHES

(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

ATLANTIC BEACH BREWING CO., 725 Atlantic Blvd., 372-4116 Jaime Noel 8 p.m. April 14 BLUE JAY LISTENING ROOM, 412 N. Second St., 834-1315 Tina & Her Pony April 11. Corey Kilgannon, Oh Jeremiah April 12. Pinebox Dwellers April 13. Forlorn Strangers April 15.

Songs from the Road Band April 16. Claire Vandiver April 18.

John Prestage April 19 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 DJ Heather Wed. DJ Jerry Thur. DJ Hal Fri. & Sat. Michael Funge Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680 Live music 10 p.m. April 13 & 14 GREEN ROOM BREWING, 228 Third St. N., 201-9283 Ronnie Litt April 13. D-Lo Thompson April 14 GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov 7:30 p.m. Wed. Michael Smith Thur. Milton Clapp Fri. LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 First St. N., 249-5181 LUVU Live 10 p.m. April 13. Briteside April 14. Dirty Pete Wed. Split Tone Thur. Chillula Sun. The B Sides Mon. Honey Hounds Tue. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Wes Cobb 9:30 p.m. April 13 MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Gypsies Ginger Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer Thur. Mezza Shuffle Mon. Trevor Tanner Tue. RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Rebecca Day April 11. Raisin Cake Orchestra April 12. 7 Street Band April 13. Mike & the Tornados April 13. Smith & Banks April 14 SOUTHERN GROUNDS, 200 First St., NB, 249-2922 Arvid Smith April 13. Holiday & Duffy April 14 SURFER THE BAR, 200 First St. N., 372-9756 Levitation Jones, Parrotice, Aftercities 8:30 p.m. April 11. Savants Of Soul 8:30 p.m. April 13. Soulo Lyon Band April 14 & 18. South City April 15. Trevor Barnes April 17 WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973 Triple Wild April 12. Cloud 9 April 13. Acoustic Women Wed.

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N., 345-5760 Thy Art is Murder, Rivers of Nihil, Enterprise Earth April 11. Zoogma, Bells & Robes 8 p.m. April 13. Ben Strok & the Full Electric April 14 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ Brandon Thur.

DJ NickFresh Sat. DJ Randall every Mon. DJ Hollywood Tue. JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 353-1188 Spanky the Band 6 p.m.

April 12. Highway Jones 7 p.m. April 13. Conch Fritters, Southern Rukus April 14. Wildfire Rising April 15

MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110 Descendents, Radkey, Rehasher 7 p.m. April 15 MYTH NIGHTCLUB, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 Studs of Steel April 11. Jamestown Thieves April 13. Harry Romero April 14.

PLS&TY April 15

OVERSET

FLEMING ISLAND

BOONDOCKS, 2808 Henley Rd., Green Cove, 406-9497 Marty Farmer 6 p.m. April 12. Darrell Rae 9:30 p.m. April 13. Hard 2 Handle 10 p.m. April 14. Paul Ivey April 19 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Savannah Leigh Bassett April 12. DJ BG April 13. Julia Gulia 9 p.m.

April 14. Cassidy Barden April 15

INTRACOASTAL

CLIFF’S, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Third Degree April 11. Lisa & the Mad Hatters April 13. Lifeline April 14 JERRY’S, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Don’t Call Me Shirley April 13. Retro Kats 8:30 p.m. April 14

MANDARIN

ENZA’S, 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 109, 268-4458 Brian Iannucci April 11 & 15 IGGY’S SEAFOOD SHACK, 104 Bartram Oaks Walk, 209-5209 Jam Sessions 3 p.m. Sun. TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210, St. Johns, 819-1554 Mark Stevens April 11. Vegas Grey April 13. Robbie Litt April 14

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG CHEERS, 1138 Park Ave., 269-4855 Julia Gulia 9:30 p.m.

April 12. Andy Jones, Jason Evans Band April 13. Neon Whiskey April 14. Roger That April 19.

DALTON’S SPORTS GRILL, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 Scott Haggard April 21 THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael on piano Tue.-Sat. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Brothers Within 10 p.m. April 13. Vynl 10 p.m. April 14

PONTE VEDRA

RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797 Ace Winn April 11 TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Cortnie Frazier April 11. Barrett Jockers April 12. Rachel Warfield, Eric Charlton April 13.

Kevin Ski April 14

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

ACROSS THE STREET, 948 Edgewood S., 683-4182 Once Around April 12 MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Disciple, Seventh Day Slumber, Spoken, As We Ascend April 11 NIGHTHAWKS, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd. Vatican 7 p.m. April 13 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Natalie Claro, Nixon Tapes April 15. Lou Barlow 6:30 p.m. April 16 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Al Poindexter, The Firewater Tent Revival, Ace Winn April 14

ST. AUGUSTINE

ARNOLD’S LOUNGE, 3912 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 824-8738 The Remains April 14. Big Engine April 15 CAFÉ ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Glen Phillips 8:30 p.m. April 18 MARDI GRAS, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Friday the 13th Band April 13. Fair Game April 14 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Smoochyface April 15 PROHIBITION KITCHEN, 119 St. George St., 209-5704 Leelynn Osborn April 11 & 18. Brian Ernst, Jive Katz Collective Stank Sauce April 12. Chelsey Michelle & Chris Underdal, Funk Butter April 13. Raisin Cake Orchestra, The Firewater Tent Revival April 14. Jessie Evans April 15.

The WillowWacks April 16. Aslyn & the Naysayers April 17.

Hold, LP III April 19 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Those Guys April 13 & 14

SAN MARCO

JACK RABBITS, 15280 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Impiety, Gravehill, Divine Eve, Saturnine, Worsen 7 p.m. April 12.

Neon Bombshell, Ruffians, Top Shelf People April 13. Modern Alchemy, Flowstate, Stayne Thee Angel, The Knowing Within, Suburban Clay April 14. Brent Byrd Band, King Taylor Project, MJ Baker 8 p.m. April 17

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955 Black Martini April 13. Robbie & Felix April 14 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Party Cartel 9 p.m. April 13. Melissa Smith Thur.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

THE PALMS FISH CAMP, 6359 Heckscher Dr., 240-1672 Taylor Shami April 12. Last Resort April 13. Billy Bowers, Lisa & the Mad Hatters April 14. Michael Ward Band, Remedy April 15 __________________________________________ To list your band’s gig, please send time, date, location (street address, city/neighborhood), admission price, and a contact number to print to Madeleine Peck Wagner, email madeleine@folioweekly.com or by the U.S. Postal Service, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis. Deadline is at noon every Wednesday for the next Wednesday’s publication.

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

FOLIO DINING Choose from more than 20 rotating taps and 200 bottled beers at any of the four European Street Cafés - Jax Beach, San Marco, Riverside or Spring Park.

AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA BEACH

BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. On the water at Centre Street’s end. Southern hospitality, upscale atmosphere; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F Family-owned café in historic building. Worldly fare, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts, sourcing fresh veggies, seafood. Dine in or al fresco under oakshaded patio. Microbrew Karibrew Pub brews beer onsite; imports. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season THE CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrabtrap.com. F For nearly 40 years, family-ownedand-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L Sa-M; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 474272 S.R. 200, 844-2225. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriverpizza.net. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20-plus toppings, pie/slice.

Calzones. $ BW TO L D M-Sa THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassauhealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juices, herbal teas, coffees, daily specials. $$ K TO B L M-Sa POINTE RESTAURANT, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. In award-winning inn Elizabeth Pointe Lodge. Seaside dining; in or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily, full lunch menu. Homestyle soups, specialty sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW K B L D Daily

DINING DIRECTORY KEY AVERAGE ENTRÉE COST $ $$

$

< $10

$$$

10- $20

$$$$

$

20-$35 > $35

ABBREVIATIONS & SPECIAL NOTES BW = Beer/Wine

L = Lunch

FB = Full Bar

D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted Free Folio Weekly Bite Club Event F = Folio Weekly Distribution Spot

K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch

To list your restaurant, call your account manager or call or text SAM TAYLOR, Folio Weekly publisher, at 904-860-2465 (email: staylor@folioweekly.com).

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

THE SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner.

2nd-story outdoor bar. T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Oceanfront. Award-winning handmade crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor balcony, playground. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310, traysburgerstation.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/ favorite. Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa

ARLINGTON + REGENCY

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802.

F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.

AVONDALE + ORTEGA

FOOD ADDICTZ GRILL, 1044 Edgewood Ave. S., 240-1987.

F Family-and-veteran-owned place is all about home cooking. Customer faves: barbecued pulled pork, blackened chicken, Caesar wrap and Portobello mushroom burger. $ K TO B L D Tu-Su HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 1, 381-6670, mojobbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/ favorite. Pulled pork and Carolina-style barbecue. Delta fried catfish. Avondale’s Mojo has shrimp & grits, specialty cocktails. Local musicians on weekends. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. 40+ years. Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps.

Onsite butcher, USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers.

Fri. & Sat. fish fry. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurantorsay.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simplysaras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Tu-Sa, B Sa SOUTH KITCHEN & SPIRITS, 3638 Park St., 475-2362, south.kitchen. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Southern classics: crispy catfish with smoked gouda grits, family-style fried chicken, burgers, vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free options. $$ FB K TO L D Daily

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. INDIA’S, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajaxcom. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.

DINING DIRECTORY METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. 2017 Best of Jax favorite.

SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite.

Since 1989, the family-owned place has offered an extensive menu of traditional Thai, vegetarian, new-Thai; curries, seafood, noodles, soups. Low-sodium & gluten-free. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Sa THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, glass/bottle wines. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. Gluten-free pizzas, desserts. HH specials. $$ BW K TO L M-F; D Tu-Sa WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Popular gastropub has craft beers, gourmet burgers, handhelds, signature plates, tacos and–sure–whiskey. HH M-F. $$ FB B Sa & Su; L F; D Nightly

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM SUBS, 204 Third Ave. S., 241-3663. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. Fresh ingredients, 25+ years. Huge salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. Grom has Sun. brunch, no alcohol. $ K BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201, 374-5735. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. BREEZY COFFEE SHOP WINE BAR, 235 Eighth Ave. S., 241-2211, breezycoffeeshopcafe.com. Local beachy coffee & wine shop by day; wine bar by night. Fresh baked pastries, breakfast sandwiches all day. Grab-n-Go salads, cheeses, hummus. $ BW K TO B L D Daily The CRAFT PIZZA CO., 240 Third St. N., Neptune Beach, 853-6773, thecraftpizzaco.com. F Al Mansur’s new place has innovative pies made with locally sourced ingredients.

Dine inside or out. $$ BW L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680, flyingiguana.com. 2017 Best of Jax

GRILL ME!

OUTERBANKS SPORTS BAR & GRILLE, 140 The Lakes Blvd., Ste. H, Kingsland, 912-729-5499. Fresh seafood, burgers, steaks, wings. $$ FB TO D Nightly

DOWNTOWN

BELLWETHER, 100 N. Laura St., 802-7745, bellwetherjax.com.

Elevated Southern classics in an understated setting, with chef/owner Jon Insetta’s focus on flavors, and chef Kerri Rogers’ culinary creativity. The Northeast Florida menu changes seasonally. Rotating local craft beers, regional spirits, cold brew coffee program. $$ FB TO L M-F CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth, 356-8282, casadoraitalian.com.

F Serving Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, pizza.

Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F Scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F & Sa SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB, 15 N. Ocean St., 844-5000, spliffsgastropub.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Music venue has munchie apps, mac & cheese dishes, pockets, gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches. HH M-F. $ BW L D M-Sa URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay, Ste. 102, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Locally roasted whole bean brewed coffees, espressos, pastries, smoothies, bagels. Chicken/tuna salad, sandwiches. WiFi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND EXPRESS, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH M-F. $ FB L M-F; D W-Sa

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

SEE RIVERSIDE. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636.

F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AVONDALE. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteysfishcamp.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly

DEREK D. WILLIAMS

Simply Sara's

2902 Corinthian Ave. • Avondale

Born in: Orlando Years in Biz: 7 Favorite Restaurant: Cheesecake Factory Favorite Cuisine Style: Southern Go-To Ingredients: Shhh, it's a secret.

Ideal Meal: Beautifully fried chicken, buttery mashed potatoes, golden knife cut-corn and fresh-out-of-the-oven biscuits.

Will Not Cross My Lips: Raw chicken Insider's Secret: Finesse Celebrity Sighting at Your Bar: Marlon McCree Culinary Treat: Apple cider pork chops

winner. Latin American: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB TO L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. F Classic Old World Roman fare, big Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO L R D Tu-Su HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 241 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 425-1025. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 1534 3rd St. N., 853-6817. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AVONDALE. M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, shackburgers.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes. Dine indoors or out. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 1585 N. Third St., 458-1390. 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE MANDARIN. RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD & GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 34 years and counting, the iconic seafood place serves blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH, brunch Sun. $$ FB L D Daily WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE BAYMEADOWS.

CAMDEN COUNTY, GEORGIA

CAPTAIN STAN’S SMOKEHOUSE, 700 Bedell Dr., Woodbine, 912-729-9552. Barbecue, sides, hot dogs, burgers, desserts. Dine in or out on picnic tables. $$ FB K TO L & D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 6586 GA. Hwy. 40 B6, St. Marys, 912-576-7006. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. 30 years of awesome gourmet pizza, baked dishes. All day HH M-Th. $ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK.

MANDARIN + NW ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199, athenscafejax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. 20+ years of Greek fare, serving dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Greek beers. Vegetarian-friendly.

Full bar. Early bird menu Mon.-Fri. $$ FB L M-F; D M-Sa FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily JAX DINER, 5065 St. Augustine Rd., 739-7070, jaxdiner.com. Simple name, simple concept: Local. Chef Roderick “Pete” Smith, a local culinary expert with nearly 20 years under his apron, uses locally sourced ingredients from area farmers, vendors and the community for American and Southern dishes. Seasonal brunch. $ K TO B L M-F, D F METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200, mojobbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

SEE AVONDALE. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Organic soups, baked items, sandwiches, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie, coffee bar. All-natural beer/wine. $ BW TO K B L D Daily

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

DINING DIRECTORY BITE-SIZED

It's all in the wrist. Expertly made pizzas, by the pie or slice, are at Moon River Pizza, in Fernandina and Murray Hill.

Everything’s EN FUEGO at Chef Gilbert’s newest spot

OVERSET

HEATIN’

UP THE BEACH

IT’S REACHED THE POINT THAT I ROLL MY EYES every time I hear about a new Southern-style joint, but when Chef Kenny Gilbert opened Gilbert’s Hot Chicken, Fish + Shrimp in Jax Beach, I started drooling. We met Chef Kenny at his second restaurant, Gilbert’s Social on Southside Boulevard; once you taste his food, there’s no turning back.

The menu is simple and gets the job done.

Dealer’s choice: fried chicken, fish or shrimp, with or without sauce. Each fried morsel is served on a bun or flat on a plate and includes a side. Sandwiches have a side, house pickles and rémoulade sauce; on the “Just the Meat” section, sides are à la carte.

Sides include Stewed Tomato & Okra ($4/$8), Anna’s Mac & Cheese ($9) and House Applesauce ($4/$8) (OMG, so good), which is veg- and vegan-friendly; there’s also a Fried Green Tomato & Smoked Tofu ($9) option for non-carnivores.

Hot sauce lovers will dig into Chef Kenny’s saucedrenched chicken, fish or shrimp. Made with local datil pepper, the sauce is packed with flavor, though it might not be “hot” enough for heat junkies. For folks who actually like to taste their food, it’s great. If you’re torn between hot or not, get the sauce on the side. Regardless, you have to try it–that’s an order! If the heat gets to you, cool off with a cocktail.

GILBERT’S HOT CHICKEN, FISH + SHRIMP 831 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0444, gilbertshotchicken.com

The bar features rows of moonshine and whiskey, which gets a big checkmark in my grade book. Choose from among interesting drinks like the fruity Hey Y’all–Ole Smoky Strawberry Moonshine, strawberry purée, lemon juice and prosecco ($12).

Personally, I’m all about the 1st Street Smoke House ($12). As cocktails go, it’s not too sweet. The apple is smoked over pecan and oak, then infused in the sweet apple cider that’s used in the cocktail. Smoke is a mysterious drink ingredient; if you’re new to it, the Smoke House is a good way to test the waters.

I’m not usually a huge fan, but the sweetness of the apple tones down the smoke and vice versa, creating a very drinkable concoction.

The best way to dig into the menu is to go with at least two friends and just order it all. I recommend one each of chicken, fish and shrimp and pass the plates. Tried-and-true faves: Smoked + Fried Chicken Thigh Sandwich ($12), the Catfish Fillet ($13), which takes up the whole freakin’ plate, and Local Wild Shrimp (1/2 lb. $13; 1 lb. $25).

One word from the wise: Skip the BLT Biscuit Sandwich ($13). Everything’s on it, from pork belly to pickled green tomato, and it is delicious–but having a biscuit for a bun creates serious structural integrity issues! Oh, and another thing: If you’d like to order something off Gilbert’s Southern Kitchen menu, which is upstairs from Hot Chicken, you can definitely do so and vice versa.

This is the only true “hot chicken” place in Jax, so slide on over and dig in.

Brentley Stead biteclub@folioweekly.com ____________________________________ If you have a recommendation, shoot me an email at biteclub@folioweekly.com.

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

ORANGE PARK

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club.com.

Southern fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 36+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611, roadhouseonline.net. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite.

Sandwiches, wings, burgers, quesadillas for 35+ years. 75+ imported beers. Live music. $ FB L D Daily SPRING PARK COFFEE, 328 Ferris St., Green Cove Springs, 531-9391, springparkcoffee.com. F Cozy shop; freshroasted Brass Tacks coffee, handcrafted hot & cold drinks, specialty lattes, cappuccino, macchiato, teas, pastries, sandwiches, breakfast. $ B L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. M SHACK NOCATEE, 641 Crosswater Pkwy., 395-3575. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 340 Front St., Ste. 700, 513-8422. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO.

RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS + WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2017 Best of Jax winner. Authentic Mediterranean cuisine: chorizo, tapas, blackened cod, pork skewers, coconut mango curry chicken. Breads from scratch. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa, R Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. BIG OAK BBQ & CATERING, 1948 Henley Rd., Middleburg, 214-3041. 1440 Dunn Ave., 757-2225, bigoakbbqfl.com.

Family-owned-and-operated barbecue joints have smoked chicken, pulled pork, ribs, sides and stumps, which sounds damn good. $$ K TO L D M-Sa BLACK SHEEP, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Specials, rooftop bar. HH. $$$ FB R Sa & Su; L M-F; D Nightly BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Ste. 1, 855-1181, boldbeancoffee.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Small-batch, artisanal approach to sourcing and roasting single-origin, direct-trade coffees. Signature blends, hand-crafted syrups, espressos, craft beers. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su CUMMER CAFÉ, Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummer.org. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Light lunch, quick bites, locally roasted coffee, espresso-based drinks, sandwiches, desserts, daily specials.

Dine in or in gardens. $ BW K L D Tu; L W-Su

EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999.

2017 Best of Jax winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap.

Sandwiches. Dine outside at some E-Sts. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner.

Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, veggies. Artisanal cheeses, 300 craft, import beers, 50 organic wines, produce, meats, vitamins, herbs, wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls: BBQ pork char sui, beef haw fun, Hawkers baos, chow faan, grilled Hawker skewers. $ BW TO L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055.

Casual spot offers made-to-order sandwiches, wraps. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933.

F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE SAN MARCO. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442.

F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES. SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. Fresh vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens/rice, change daily. Sandwiches, coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0047, sunraycinema.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner. First-run, indie and art films screened. Beer, local drafts, wine, pizza–Godbold, Black Lagoon Supreme–hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside Ave., Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Inside/patio. $$ BW L D Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. SEE INTRACOASTAL. The CORAZON CINEMA & CAFE, 36 Granada St., 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com. F Sandwiches, combos, salads and pizza are served at the cinema house, showing indie and first-run movies. $$ Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridianstaug.com. Updated Southern fare; fresh, local ingredients. Vegetarian, gluten-free options. Signature fried green tomato bruschetta, blackened fish cornbread stack; grits w/shrimp/fish/tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F 34+ years. Varied urban cuisine menu changes twice daily. Signature: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288, mardibar.com. F Lively spot has wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264, mojobbq. com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE AVONDALE. SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A, 217-3256. F SEE BEACHES. WOODPECKER’S BACKYARD BBQ, 4930 S.R. 13, 531-5670, woodpeckersbbq.weebly.com. F Smoked fresh daily.

Brisket, ribs, pork, sausage, turkey: in sandwiches, plates by the pound. 8 sauces, 10 sides. $$ TO L D Tu-Su

SAN MARCO + SOUTHBANK

THE BEARDED PIG SOUTHERN BBQ & BEER GARDEN, 1224 Kings Ave., 619-2247, thebeardedpigbbq.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. Barbecue joint Southern style: brisket, pork, chicken, sausage, beef; veggie platters. $$ BW K TO Daily BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox.com.

F Mediterranean/French inspired menu changes seasonally.

250+ wines. Wood-fired oven-baked, grilled specialties: pizza, pasta, risotto, steaks, seafood. Hand-crafted cocktails, specialty drinks. Dine outside. HH M-F. $$$ FB L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 1905 Hendricks Ave. 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. Upscale; fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, katsu, seafood. $$ K L D Daily HAVANA-JAX CAFÉ/CUBA LIBRE BAR, 2578 Atlantic Blvd., 399-0609, havanajax.com. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. Bite Club certified. Cuban sandwiches are the real thing: big, thick, flattened. Traditional fare: black beans & rice, plantains, steaks, seafood, chicken & rice, roast pork. Spanish wine, drink specials, mojitos, Cuba libres. Nonstop HH. $ FB K L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metrodinercom. F 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This one serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasanmarco.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner/favorite.

Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; tapas, wood-fired pizza.

Seasonal local produce, meats. Craft beer (some local), award-winning wine. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE + TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. 2017 Best of Jax winner.

Open 50 years. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus.

Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. F Pacific Islander fare, chamorro culture.

Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F 2017 Best of Jax winner. SEE BEACHES.

SPRINGFIELD + NORTHSIDE

ANDY’S GRILL, 1810 W. Beaver St., 354-2821, jaxfarmersmarket.com. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite.

Inside Jax Farmers Market. Local, regional, international produce. Breakfast, sandwiches. $ B L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999. F 2017 Best of Jax favorite. SEE ORANGE PARK. UPTOWN KITCHEN & BAR, 1303 Main St. N., 355-0734, uptownmarketjax.com. F Bite Club certified. Fresh fare, innovative menus, farm-to-table selections, daily specials. $$ BW TO B L Daily

PINT-SIZED PINT-S more than 6,000 craft breweries.

LET ME MAKE ONE NE THING According BA data, 28.5 perfectly clear: r: This is percent of beer in no way a political olitical be produced in the U.S. is column. It’s merely a i packaged in aluminum cans. Of the report on something mething that will affectt beerbreweries producing that drinkers across 28.5 percent, ss the perce more than 90 nation. The topic? percent m make fewer than opic?

The tariffs President 10,000 barrels esident bar a year. And Donald Trump most breweries mp has brewe less than a placed on imported operation prefer ported year in op aluminum and canning tto bottling. Both d steel.

The 10 percent be hit hardest by nt tariff would b on aluminum and prices. higher aluminum a 25 percent tariff riff In a CNN on steel means interview, Commerce ns interv that many items—from Wilbur Ross said ms—from Secretary W beer cans to brewing would be “no big the tariffs wou equipment—are cost are likely to deal,” with a negligible n see a price increase crease that will increase, at just pennies on eventually trickle ckle down to the can. consumers, i.e., e., us.

Those pennies add up, though.

The issue doesn’t effect Further investigation investigat by the BA craft beer alone. found tha that more than 115 one.

Monolithic brewers, billion aluminum cans rewers, alu like Miller/Coors, were produced here last oors, prod Anheuser-Busch/InBev, year. A one-cent increase Heineken, etc., will be per can could cost the adversely impacted by industry $960 million, spikes in aluminum costs that’ll be passed and steel prices sure to down to customers, follow the tariffs. including the beer The Beer Institute, industry, and eventually a Washington, D.C. the end consumer. trade association that Oskar Blues, the first advocates for brewers craft brewery to can its large and small, estimates beer, estimates the tariffs the tariffs’ economic may cost it $400,000 a slam on the brewing year—1 percent of the industry could result in company’s 2017 revenue. the loss of more than A bottom line hit like How Trump’s tariffs 20,000 American jobs. that makes it risky could AFFECT THE “Aluminum is critical for even a larger craft COST of making— to the well-being of brewery like Oskar Blues America’s beer industry, to expand, add jobs or and drinking—beer as more than half the make improvements. beer produced annually is Beer giant Miller/ packed in aluminum cans Coors took to one of or aluminum bottles,” wrote Beer Institute Trump’s favorite forums, Twitter, to issue President and CEO Jim McGreevy, in a release a statement. “We are disappointed with condemning the tariffs.

President Trump’s announcement of a 10 The Brewers Association (BA), a trade percent tariff on aluminum … . Like most group that advocates for craft breweries, brewers, we are selling an increasing amount similarly responded to Trump’s action of our beers in aluminum cans, and this in a press release, stating, “The Brewers action will cause aluminum prices to rise.”

Association is concerned about both The actual effect the tariff s will have on the aluminum and steel tariffs and the craft brewers—and consequently beerpotential implications they will have on drinkers—isn’t yet known, but speculation small and independent brewers.” and tension are clearly rampant.

The BA also released statistics revealing Marc Wisdom how the new tariffs may imprint the nation’s marc@folioweekly.com

OVERSET

IT ALL

ADDS

UP

PINT-SIZED BREWERS’ COMMUNITY A1A ALE WORKS 1 King St., Ste. 101, St. Augustine

BOTTLENOSE BREWING 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, Jacksonville

OLD COAST ALES 300 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine

AARDWOLF BREWING COMPANY 1461 Hendricks Ave., Jacksonville

DOG ROSE BREWING CO. 77 Bridge St., St. Augustine

PINGLEHEAD BREWING COMPANY 12 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park

ANCIENT CITY BREWING 3420 Agricultural Ctr. Dr., St. Augustine

ENGINE 15 BREWING CO. DOWNTOWN 633 Myrtle Ave. N., Jacksonville.

RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD & GRILL 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach

ANHEUSER-BUSCH 1100 Ellis Rd. N., Jacksonville

ENGINE 15 BREWING CO. 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, Jax Beach

RIVER CITY BREWING COMPANY 835 Museum Cir., Jacksonville

ATLANTIC BEACH BREWING COMPANY 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 3, Atlantic Beach

GREEN ROOM BREWING, LLC 228 Third St. N., Jax Beach

SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY 9735 Gate Pkwy., Jacksonville

BOG BREWING COMPANY 218 W. King St., St. Augustine

HYPERION BREWING COMPANY 1740 Main St. N., Jacksonville

SOUTHERN SWELLS BREWING CO. 1312 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach

BOLD CITY BREWERY 2670 Rosselle St., Ste. 7, Jacksonville

INTUITION ALE WORKS 929 E. Bay St., Jacksonville

VETERANS UNITED CRAFT BREWERY 8999 Western Way, Ste. 104, Jacksonville

BOLD CITY DOWNTOWN 109 E. Bay St., Jacksonville

MAIN AND SIX BREWING COMPANY 1636 Main St. N., Jacksonville

WICKED BARLEY BREWING COMPANY 4100 Baymeadows Rd., Jacksonville

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

CHEFFED-UP Carrot cousin inspires a meal FIT FOR A KING

ROOT

ROYALTY A FEW NIGHTS AGO, I THREW TOGETHER AN outrageously delectable Madeira-spiked chicken stew destined to become chicken potpies. The base was chicken thighs, mire poix, lots of thyme, roasted garlic, pearl onions, cremini mushrooms, chicken broth, a splash of heavy cream, etc. A classic fricassee-like preparation, ever so delicious alone, and even better with biscuit crust. Yet the one ingredient that sent the rich flavor over the top was PARSNIPS! The potpie inspiration came from some parsnips from a St. Patty’s class on Guinness shepherd’s pie. Not your average lunchcounter version. No, sir. They were rich, deeply Cheffed-Up pies. One reason for their success was adding … anyone? PARSNIPS. Put up the phones and pay attention.

Parsnips, akin to carrots and parsley, have a fascinating history. Like most modern foods, they were first domesticated in Eurasia, then spread into Central and Western Europe, where growing conditions suited for the cool-weather-loving tuber.

After conquering regions of Gaul and Britain, where parsnips were highly cultivated, the Romans became fond of the sweet, versatile root veggies. This supports my theory that the Romans were the original foodies—no other civilization in history embraced ethnic cuisines quite like they did. I’m certain the Romans were more motivated by good eats than political power to expand their empire.

As Rome’s power declined, so did parsnips’ status. In France, they were peasant fare, less than even carrots, as evidenced by their absence in mire poix (base of onion, celery and carrot).

Both French and English settlers brought parsnips to North America, yet they were never popular. Why not? The sweet, floral, nutty, complex flavor is in contrast to other tubers when in roasts, soups, braises and stews. The easiest way to prepare parsnips is to simply roast them with olive oil and thyme. They also make an enticing, creamy, earthy purée or soup,

or a Cheffed-Up contrast for creamed spinach. Try this soothing version before the weather gets too warm.

CHEF BILL’S PARSNIPS & PARMESAN CREAMED SPINACH Ingredients • 2 tbsp. butter • 1 tbsp. canola oil • 1 pound parsnips, peeled, cut into • small oblique • 1 shallot, julienne • 3 oz. chicken stock • 1/2 lb. spinach • 3/4 cup Half-and-Half • 1/8 tsp. nutmeg • 2 tbsp. parmesan, grated • Cornstarch slurry as needed • Salt and pepper to taste

Directions 1. Bring a pan of salted water to a boil.

1. Blanch the spinach, shock in ice 1. water. Squeeze out excess water and 1. coarsely chop.

2. Heat a large sauté pan to medium, 1. add oil, then butter. Add parsnips and 1. begin to brown for a couple of 1. minutes. Add the shallots and sweat 1. briefly. Add the stock and simmer 1. until parsnips begin to soften. Stock 1. should cook almost dry.

3. Add the Half-and-Half and the 1. nutmeg, season with salt and pepper.

1. Simmer for a couple of minutes.

4. Add parmesan cheese. Bring back 1. to simmer and add slurry. Add 1. spinach, stir, adjust seasoning and 1. texture with cornstarch slurry.

Until we cook again,

Chef Bill Thompson cheffedup@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Email Chef Bill Thompson, owner of Fernandina’s Amelia Island Culinary Academy, at cheffedup@folioweekly.com, for inspiration and to get Cheffed-Up!

CHEFFED-UP CHEF CH EFFE FEDD-UP UP G GROCERS’ ROCE RO CERS RS’’ COMMUNITY RS COMM CO MMUN MM UNIT ITY BUYGO 22 S. Eighth St., Fernandina Beach EARTH FARE 11901-250 Atlantic Blvd., Arlington JACKSONVILLE FARMERS MARKET 1810 W. Beaver St., Westside NATIVE SUN 11030 Baymeadows Rd., Jacksonville 10000 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin 1585 N. Third St., Jax Beach 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

PUBLIX 1033 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine ROWE’S 1670 Wells Rd., Orange Park 8595 Beach Blvd., Southside THE SAVORY MARKET 474380 S.R. 200, Fernandina Beach TERRY’S PRODUCE Buccaneer Trail, Fernandina Beach WHOLE FOODS 10601 San Jose Blvd., Mandarin

PET PARENTING FOLIO LIVING DEAR

DAVI

LIVESTOCK & DREAMS

LOCAL PET EVENTS MEET YOUR DOG TRAINER • Learn the dedicated trainer’s Positive Dog Training philosophy, as it relates to you and your dog, 5-5:15 p.m. April 11 and 18, at Petco, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., Jax Beach, 273-0964, petco.com.

READ TO ROVER • Elementary-aged children practice reading skills when they read to real, live dogs 11 a.m.-noon April 14 at Southeast Branch Library, 6670 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 827-6900, sjcpls.org.

PUPPY LEVEL 2 GROUP CLASS • For pups to be a little less … puppyfied … 5-6 p.m. April 12 at Petco, 430 CBL Dr., St. Augustine, 824-8520, petco.com.

ADOPTABLES

RAYMOND

High school students create a program that spotlights SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS

IT MAY COME AS NO SURPRISE THAT ANIMALS have an increasing presence in therapeutic care for kids with special needs. After all, most humans have experienced some form of animal therapy: Cuddle a kitten and all seems right with the world. A few minutes playing on the floor with a dog can make the strain of daily life melt away.

For a child with special needs, spending time with an animal can help them cope with everyday life experiences.

Animals have a natural ability to soothe and improve mood, and cause a rush of feel-good chemicals to the brain. Yet the benefits go far beyond the emotional lift they inspire. Working with animals teaches responsibility and sympathy and helps boost self-confidence.

Several months ago, members of the Middleburg High School chapter of the Future Farmers of America sat brainstorming, trying to create an event that would give students with special needs an opportunity to be around animals; many of those kids don’t have day-to-day contact with animals.

With the guidance of special education teacher Hally Adams, they hit upon an idea that, whether by chance or choice, involved goats!

The plan, called Unlimited Opportunities, is designed to create great opportunities for special needs youth, and includes a livestock show in which they can experience being in the show ring, showing a goat.

In less than a month, the project has fostered new friendships, strengthened social skills and improved self-esteem.

The idea was for the participants to feel important, senior Kamryn Davis said. “We want to give them the moment to feel that they are the stars and all the attention is on them.”

FFA members worked closely with each student to make this a fun and rewarding experience. The youngsters learned to feed their goats, care for their goats, and walk their goats on a leash.

Students accompanied their mentors a few afternoons a week to work with their kids (that’s goat-ese for ‘child’) and sharpen their goat-handling skills.

The project has made an impact on the high school campus as well. “This program really helped me connect more with other students,” freshman Reagan Jannotti said. “It makes the kids feel like they’re just like one of us—and they are, they’re amazing!”

Teaching someone to show an animal helps them learn important life skills such as kindness, patience and motivation, as well as having respect for animals and being able to work cooperatively.

Unlimited Opportunities got its first moment in the spotlight when students participated in Clay County Agricultural Fair’s livestock exhibit. Each kid showed their goat, got a ribbon and made memories to last a lifetime.

Students hope this will become an annual attraction at the fair, and not only double in size, but spur educators to encourage more special needs students to get involved in activities that complement their special talents and interests.

Animals, like me, have a purpose in life: To make people feel special.

It’s an unconditional kind of love. Our nonjudgmental nature means you’ll always feel accepted and have a dependable companion in your life.

Davi mail@folioweekly.com

____________________________________ Davi the dachshund never baaaacks away from a chance to spread love and acceptance.

PET TIP: ROACH COACH HERE IN FLORIDA, COCKROACHES COME WITH THE TERRITORY. No amount of pest control is a match for the mighty la cucaracha— so, rather than fighting a losing war of attrition, why not embrace your status as the landlord of a roach motel? Specifically, by keeping roaches … as PETS! No, we’re not joking. The most popular roach species for pets are Madagascar Hissing, the Death’s Head and Indian Domino. Some names for your new best, six-legged friend: X. Terminator, Papa Roach, Roachelle Welch, Jacques la Roache, Dick.

EVERYBODY LOVES ME, IT’S TRUE • Hiya! My name’s Raymond and I’m looking for a new Maaaaa. I’m really hoping to be part of a big, annoying family with lots of drama. The hype is real–I’m super-lovable. Let’s cuddle on the couch and make it official. Learn more about me and the other cats here at JHS; just click on jaxhumane.org.

KATZ 4 KEEPS ADOPTION DAYS • Adoption hours and days are 11 a.m.-3 p.m. April 14 and 15 and every Sat. and Sun. at 935B A1A N., Ponte Vedra, 834-3223, katz4keeps.org.

ADVENTURES IN PET CARE • St. Augustine Humane Society and strategic communications students at Flagler College host this event, noon-4 p.m. April 21 at St. Augustine Humane Society, 1665 Old Moultrie Rd., 829-2737, staughumane. org. Its aim is to help folks learn about pet behavior, training, nutrition, microchips, parasite prevention, veterinary care and grooming. Info tents, raffles, prizes, coupons for $5 microchips, free nail trims, clinic and grooming salon tours, plus St. Augustine Beach Police Department’s K9 Kilo and St. Johns County Sheriff K9 officers are featured. Admission is a donation of new, unopened pet food items.

FRIENDS OF JACKSONVILLE ANIMALS BENEFIT • Improvisational comedy troupe Mad Cowford Improv Comedy hosts an event to help Friends of Jacksonville Animals (FOJA) raise funds to bring awareness to animal cruelty issues, provide medications, support pet rescue, fostering and local adoption programs, and help Jacksonville maintain its No Kill status. COMEDY FOR

ADOPTABLES

HENRIETTA

WHAT’S YOUR SIGN? • It’s been said Geminis are two personalities in one, and I can tell you it’s true. My two personalities are … lovable and fun! It’s a winning combo, amirite? According to your horoscope, you’re going to meet a special someone at Jacksonville Humane Society … I have a feeling it’s me. Come meet me at 8464 Beach Blvd. and the stars will align!

CRITTERS is 7 p.m. April 21 at Hotel Indigo, 9840 Tapestry Park Cir., Southside, with a silent auction, improv show and raffle; $20 advance suggested donation; $25 at the door; tickets at madcowford.com. All donations benefit FOJA. 608-1148, facebook.com/comedyforcritters.

KITTEN SHOWER • Help Jax Humane Society prepare for the arrival of more than 3,000 kittens this spring, 1-3 p.m.

April 21 at the center, 8464 Beach Blvd., Southside, 725-8766, jaxhumaesociety.org. Bottle-feeding demos, prizes, namings, and more are featured. Donations of kitten milk replacement formula, bottles, warming discs, new child-size toothbrushes, Dawn dish soap, plastic toys, blankets, gallon or sandwich size Ziploc bags, and kitchen food scales accepted. You can foster kittens, too. _________________________________________ To list an event, send the name, time, date, location (complete street address, city), admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

DALE RATERMANN’s Folio Weekly Crossword presented by

ANGELS, CLARK KENT, MAC & CHEESE & LONDON FOG

Serving Excellence Since 1928 Member American Gem Society

San Marco 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

Ponte Vedra

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

Avondale 3617 St. Johns Ave. 388-5406

FOLIO WEEKLY CROSSWORD 1

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ACROSS 31 Offshore 36 What did ewe say?

39 Give a Florida House speech 14 Blender sounds 15 Bearded Pig bit 16 Annual Tampa expos 17 UF track event 18 Sphere 19 Judge’s orders 20 “Is it soup ___?”

21 Smaller amount 24 Eye affliction 25 Explorer, e.g.

26 Abominable Snowman 28 Package that’s en route 33 Enthusiastic 37 Mirage, often 38 Dine at home 40 VCR button 41 Italian auto 42 Swizzles 43 “Hold your horses!”

44 Roth acct.

45 Florida Theatre seating request 46 Army chaplain 47 Trip to the top 49 Most tranquil 51 “Just the facts, ___”

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Jax Zoo beast Kind of ladder Autumn apple Govt. org. in the news this week that can be found nine more times in this puzzle Hawk’s home Tide type He lost to Dwight Twosomes “Chances ___” Pirates’ bases Cold shower ’60s turn-on Patella sites

DOWN 31 Out of whack 32 Prayer pronoun 33 St. Johns River 34 35 36 37 38 39 10 11 12 13 22

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sediment Ballpark fig.

Sanctuaries Warner sibs Puts on WJCT The Beatles’ ___ Road TV setting Cereal fruit Is not, to some 3-point basket Latin I verb Second name

36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 11-17, 2018

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23 Old Jax paper co.: St. ___ 25 Polish partner 27 Wine cask 28 Bulgaria’s capital 29 Head count 30 Author Asimov 31 Magic foes 32 Coin-flip call 34 Letter from a JU prof 35 Successors 36 Two-by-four 39 Branch location 42 Guitar kin 43 Wind down 45 Santa ___, Calif.

46 Ospreys halftime speech

48 Darth Vader’s dominion 50 Norma ___ 52 Wall art 54 Gullible sorts 55 Jags color 56 Great Lake closest to Jax 58 “Dear” ones 59 Flew on I-95 60 Tennis champ Nastase 61 Pinkish 62 “___, boom, bah!” (Var.) 64 Jax winter hrs.

67 Sportscaster Hicken

SOLUTION TO 4.4.18 PUZZLE

E S A U

B U I L T I N

A N T L E R S

H I C E R O R E M M D U O N

S E I X S E A C B W A E S E A L D U U L A U S I S S E N V A L E P I

H A S S L E U P S

T E

O P E B O R T I E R H E A T E C H O C I T E U V A L S L A E R N R O D L E D I L W E C E F

T I E R E D

H O R A T I O

E N E E R N E D D

L Y O F F E V E R S A R A T R Y D I E O O T

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Aries statesman Thomas Jefferson was the third President of the United States. He wrote one of history’s most famous documents, the Declaration of Independence. He was an architect, violinist, inventor, philosopher and linguist who spoke several languages; he was knowledgeable about mathematics, surveying and horticulture. His most laudable success was in 1789, when he procured the French recipe for macaroni and cheese while in France; he then brought the dish to America. JK! I hope this joke encourages you to keep people focused on your most important qualities, and not be distracted by your lesser parts.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): In the early 1990s, Australian electrical engineer John O’Sullivan toiled on a research project with radio astronomers to find exploding mini-black holes in outer space. The quest failed. But during experimentation, they developed technology that became a key component used in Wi-Fi. Your digital devices work so well partly because his frustrating misadventure led to a happy accident. According to my astrological omen-reading, there may soon be a comparable conclusion about events in your life.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the fictional world of DC Comics, superhero Superman has a secret identity, modest journalist Clark Kent. Or is it the other way around? Does reporter Clark have a secret identity as the superhero Superman? Only a few people know they’re the same.

There’s only small number of allies who know who you really are under your “disguises.” Astrological omens suggest that may change. Are you ready to reveal more about your true selves? Would you let more folks see and appreciate your full range and depth?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Playwright Tennessee Williams spent an evening trying to coax a depressed friend out of his depression. It inspired him to write a poem that began: “I want to infect you with the tremendous excitement of living, because I believe that you have the strength to bear it.” Judging from astrological omens, you have more strength than ever to bear the tremendous excitement of living. I hope it encourages you to potentize your ability to welcome interesting puzzles headed your way in the next few weeks.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Are you finished dealing with spacious places, vast vistas and expansive longings? I hope you’ll still explore big, bold, blooming schemes and booming dreams until at least April 25. In my astrological opinion, you have a sacred duty to keep outstripping previous efforts. You have a mandate to go further, deeper and braver, break out of shrunken expectations and push beyond comfortable limits. The unknown is more inviting and fertile than you can imagine.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Between Dec. 5 and 9, 1952, London was beset with heavy fog blended with thick smog. Visibility was low. Traffic slowed, events postponed. In a few places, people couldn’t see their feet. According to some reports, blind people, with a capability to move around without the aid of sight, assisted pedestrians through the streets. A metaphorically comparable phenomenon may arise in your sphere. Qualities usually seen as liabilities may temporarily become assets.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Your allies are always important, but in the weeks ahead, they’ll be even more so. They’ll be your

salvation, deliverance and treasure. Treat them like angels or celebrities or celebrity angels. Buy them ice cream, concert tickets and surprises. Tell them secrets about their beauty that no one’s ever expressed. Listen to them in ways to awaken their dormant potentials.

What you receive in return will inspire you to be a better ally to yourself.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In the weeks ahead, you’ll find what you need in places seemingly devoid of such. You can locate the possible in the midst of what appears to be impossible. You’ll summon a rebellious resourcefulness like that of Scorpio writer Albert Camus, who wrote, “In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. No matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger–something better, pushing right back.”

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1936, Herbert C. Brown graduated from the University of Chicago with a bachelor’s degree in science. His girlfriend Sarah Baylen gave him a two-dollar book about the elements boron and silicon. Both he and she were quite poor; she couldn’t afford a more elaborate gift. Brown didn’t read the book for a while, but once he did, he decided to make its subject the core of his research project.

Many years later, he won the Nobel Prize in Chemistry for his discoveries about the role of boron in organic chemistry. And it all began with that two-dollar book.

I foresee you, too, stumbling upon a modest start that eventually yields breakthrough results.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In 20 B.C., Rome’s most famous poet was Quintus Horatius Flaccus, known to us as Horace.

He prided himself on his meticulous craftsmanship, and advised other writers to be just as scrupulous.

Once you compose a poem, he declared, put it aside for nine years before deciding to publish it. That’s the best way to get proper perspective on its worth. I think that’s too demanding, though I appreciate the power that can come from marshalling conscientiousness.

That brings me to a meditation on your current state.

You may be at risk of being too risk-averse; you could be on the edge of waiting too long and being too cautious. Consider nailing down a release date.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have an inventive mind and an aptitude for experimentation. They will both be key assets for you as you dream of creative ways to do the hard work ahead. Your labors may not come naturally, but you’ll be surprised how useful the rewards are.

A tip to cultivate the best possible attitude: Assume you have the power to change stale patterns once resistant to change.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Get a lesson in holy gluttony from a Taurus, or pick up pointers in enlightened self-interest from a Scorpio. New potential resources are here, but you haven’t reeled them in with sufficient alacrity. Why not? Maybe you should ask yourself if you’re asking enough; give yourself leave to beam with majestic self-confidence. Picture this: Your posture is regal, your voice is authoritative, your sovereignty is radiant.

You’ve identified what you need and want, and made a pragmatic plan to get it.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD GEE YOU CAN SEE THE WHOLE TOWN FROM UP HERE

Around 4:30 a.m. on March 22, High Point, N.C., 911 dispatchers got a surprising call from a man saying he’d broken into a business. “Yes, this is Jesus Christ, and I just broke into the Pizza Hut,” claimed 46-yearold Richard Lee Quintero of Greensboro, according to WFMY TV. “Jesus is here, he’s back to Earth. I just broke in and had a pizza. I’m Jesus,” Quintero told dispatchers.

“Because I’m Jesus, I can do whatever I want.” He complained that “everybody’s been treating me mean.” High Point police officers arrested Quintero and charged him with breaking and entering and larceny.

NOW THAT’S AN OBEDIENT SON

Shannon Dean Egeland, 43, of Kuna, Ore., was found guilty Feb. 28 in a scheme to delay a prison sentence and collect insurance. The Idaho Statesman reported that shortly before Egeland was to begin a 10-year jail term in 2014 for his role in a $20 million housing scandal, he took out a disability insurance policy and talked his then-17-year-old son into shooting him in the legs with a 20-gauge shotgun, which would delay his prison term—not to mention let him collect on the new insurance policy. After the kid shot him, Egeland called the cops and said he’d been assaulted, but police grew suspicious when they saw Egeland’s wallet and BMW were still at the scene. U.S. District Judge Anna J. Brown tacked three years and 10 months of additional time onto Egeland’s original sentence. Egeland, who eventually lost his left leg, stood before the judge on his prosthetic leg and said he’d had a lot of time to reflect on his crimes and realized he needs mental health counseling. Assistant U.S. Attorney Scott Bradford called him a “menace to society.”

FAMILIARITY BREEDS STUPIDITY

It’s been a twisty, U-turny road for Brittany Ann Koerselman, 19, and her first (soonto-be second) husband, Jeremie Rook, 24, of Little Rock, Iowa. The two first married in 2014, when Koerselman, then 15, was pregnant with Rook’s child. They divorced

when she was 18. “He just wasn’t ready to be all of that,” Koerselman told Metro News.

“The parent, the husband, the responsible person. He just wasn’t ready for that.” She said she and Rook have gotten back together and split up seven times since the divorce, but they can’t stand being apart, so they’re planning a “f-ing princess wedding” for this summer. “The last time I got married, I got swollen on the way to Missouri—it’s six hours [drive], so my shoes didn’t fit,” Koerselman recalled. “We’re reusing [the] old engagement ring. He’s different this time,” she told [herself].

AND POOR TASTE

John Silva and Derrick Irving thought they had a foolproof plan to cover their tracks after breaking into a mutual acquaintance’s apartment on March 13 in DeLand. The Volusia County Sheriff ’s Office told News 6 the men stole appliances and a flatscreen TV then, before leaving, set a pot of spaghetti sauce on a hot burner and placed a washcloth nearby so it would catch fire and destroy evidence. The victim, alerted to the break-in by security cameras, called police, who stopped the two and found among the stolen goods in their car an empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce. Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson.

HERE, OSHIFFER, HOLD MY BLOW

Presumably with a serious case of munchies, Lizabeth Ildefonso, 44, drove up to the security booth at Suffolk County, New York, jail at 10:12 a.m. on March 16 and tried to order a “bacon, egg and cheese” sandwich.

Deputy Sheriff Yvonne DeCaro explained that she was at the jail, but Ildefonso “insisted she really wanted a sandwich,” the Riverhead News-Review reported. The deputy noticed Ildefonso’s eyes were dilated and glassy, and she had white powdery residue in her left nostril. DeCaro also checked her license and found it was invalid.

After failing a field sobriety exam, Ildefonso was charged with felony driving while ability impaired by drugs and driving without a valid license.

weirdnewstips@amuniversal.com

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FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

TROUBLE IN RIVER CITY

M.D. M .D. M.J. Mitch McConnell does the RIGHT THING, for once

OVERSET

HEMP PIMP

Former state legislator: Jacksonville is in a MAYOR-CREATED CRISIS JACKSONVILLE CITY GOVERNMENT, UNDER A POWERhungry Republican mayor, is out of control.

The man has no previous experience running anything other than political campaigns. His prior experience is not in government, but in doing Republican attack campaigns.

Now this man has wrecked Jacksonville’s 50year tradition of staggered terms for members of appointed boards. For 50 years, this tradition has protected Jax from the cronyism, corruption and tomfoolery of the years just prior to consolidation … well, that is, until now.

The mayor did this with JEA and has done the same with the Children’s Commission, which is now the Children’s Alliance, as a scheme to obliterate the protections of staggered terms.

Now we have a crisis.

We have a crisis because this mayor plans to dismantle all limits on the office of mayor, such as staggered terms for appointees.

We have a crisis because this mayor shows no interest in the merits of issues, just plowing ahead and bullying people.

We have a crisis because this mayor has packed his offices with sons and daughters and relatives and best friends of his best friends, with no pretense of hiring people right for the job. The cronyism and favoritism and nepotism is worse than it was 50 years ago.

We have a crisis because this mayor runs this city for the benefit of the poker rooms and dog tracks and topless bars and all the seediest aspects of this city, with these business owners holding key places in his government.

We have a crisis because this mayor seriously plans to sell the JEA (though he claims he has nothing to do with the push to sell!) when the JEA is the one asset least appropriate for us to sell. A sale will be bad for water quality, for air quality, for the future of peak load pricing, for electric rates generally, for city finances generally, for the future development and use of renewable energy locally, and for the pattern of corruption involved.

We have a crisis because this mayor allows top staff people to make fun of the City Council members and to treat the council with disrespect.

We have a crisis because this mayor follows the recent pattern of the two other Republican mayors of promising anything at all that works politically, with no interest in making good on the promise; for example, the promise to build a new courthouse for $160 million. It

was not merely cost-overrides that gave us a $500 million courthouse. It was an illegal conspiracy all along to spend $500 million despite a referendum that had set the budget at $160 million.

We have a crisis because this mayor snookered Jax into the first-ever bond issue that borrowed money now from a revenue stream not here yet.

We have a crisis because this mayor chooses to cannibalize our assets rather than implement a sensible pay-as-you-go plan.

We have a crisis because this mayor, whose policies resemble Donald Trump’s policies, is a loud booster and supporter of Trump, a president who needs to be impeached.

We have a crisis because this mayor demands we spend one billion dollars on superdeep dredging, deep dredging which is not cost-effective and is dangerous environmentally and is not supported by the port interests who have backed prior logical dredging. Why? Why? Because it has no particular identifiable benefit to anyone at all, other than the family of the most recent Republican mayor.

We have a crisis because this mayor is in cahoots with the general Republican plan to wreck our Duval County public school system, partly through starving the schools by under-assessing the properties of fatcats and Republicans. Anyone can look at recent sales. You will find that sales under $400K match up closely with the “just value” in the Jan. 1 assessments. You will find that sales over $600K do not match up, that they show the prior assessment to have been illegally and unconstitutionally (under the Florida Constitution) below the fair value, aka market value, aka just value.

We have a crisis because this mayor is the only big city mayor in the entire world who denies climate change and who denigrates efforts to prepare for climate change.

We have a crisis because this mayor has chosen to break with the current sheriff and with the prior sheriff and prior mayor in the treatment of foreigners/aliens/minorities in our city.

We have trouble right here in River City.

Andy Johnson mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Johnson is a former member of the Florida House of Representatives.

FOLIO WEEKLY welcomes Backpage submissions. They should be 1,200 words or fewer and on a topic of local interest and/or concern. Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Folio Weekly.

THERE THER TH HER EREE AR AAREE MA MANY NY W WAYS AYSS TO AY TO DDESCRIBE ESC ES SCR CRIB CRIB IBE BE MI MITC MITCH TCHH TC McConnell, the legendarily ineffective Senate Majority Leader: “milquetoast,” “freaky-deaky,” “goofy AF”—but one word you’re unlikely to hear outside the competitive mayonnaise-eating circuit is “trendsetter.” We’ve seen a lot of crazy stuff this year, but the idea of Kentucky’s senior-citizen senior senator actually making a legitimately positive contribution to our nation’s political life is, like his complexion, completely beyond the pale.

In what can only be described as a pleasant surprise, McConnell has announced plans to push for the legalization of industrial hemp when he returns to work this month. He said so in a press conference on March 26, as he stood next to his state’s agriculture commissioner. Forbes Magazine notes that Kentucky’s fledgling hemp industry has already been protected from federal intervention due to his past efforts, and the proposed legislation would “finally legalize hemp as an agricultural commodity and remove it from the list of controlled substances,” he said.

Hemp, as you know, is a cash crop of long standing, dating back to almost the dawn of time, with special strategic and sentimental value in American history. Two of our first three presidents, Washington and Jefferson, were hemp farmers, so that’s checkmate right there. But there’s more. The First Battle of Lexington, in the Civil War, was fought in part over hemp territory; they even called it “Battle of the Hemp Bales.” In fact, McConnell’s state was the only one to survive the war with its hemp trade intact, hence its particular interest today.

Hemp fibers have also been key to America’s war efforts, from the rigging on the USS Constitution to the parachute cords pulled on D-Day. Some people have accused McConnell of being soft on the rising crypto-fascist trend typified by the alt-right, while others say he’s just soft in general.

Indeed, the whispered tales of fulsome, foamy fupa glory cannot even be repeated here; we’ll leave that for Reddit and men’s room walls around Dupont Circle. So what if the weirdo’s wet-nursed some of the most ridiculous legislation of the modern era, forcing Republicans to pass budgets that even the one who can read didn’t?

Much like China is doing with our treasury, let’s give credit where credit is due, with interest: The man is absolutely right, for the first and perhaps only time in his career, such as it’s been. But, to be fair, he has been consistent on this issue, having sponsored a similar bill in 2014 that died with less fanfare than a pro-democracy activist in Russia.

Surely this creates a rare opportunity for bipartisan consensus, with McConnell and co-sponsor Rand Paul whipping GOP votes in tandem with Democrats who are getting whipped plenty as it is. He might have enough clout to get the president’s illegible yet legally binding signature. He’ll address the biggest obstacle himself, when he pushes the plan to (current) Attorney General Jeff Sessions, presumably while talking very slowly.

Shelton Hull mail@folioweekly.com

APRIL 11-17, 2018 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39