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MAY 14-20, 2014 • VOLUME 28 • NUMBER 7

EDITOR’S NOTE THE BIG BENGHAZI FREAKOUT

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ASTROLOGY 34 MOVIES 25 COVER STORY 12 MAIL 5 I SAW U 36 MAGIC LANTERNS 27 OUR PICKS 16 BUZZ 6 CLASSIFIEDS 37 ARTS proof © 29 MUSICis a copyright18protected 2 MINUTES 7 This BACKPAGE 38 DINING 32 THE KNIFE 22 FIGHTIN’ WORDS 11 For questions, please call your advertising representative at 260-9770. Illustration: Andrew Spear, Cover Design: Shan Stumpf FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT 268-3655 Folio Weekly is published every Wednesday PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor Melody Taylor and Abigail Wright staylor@folioweekly.com / ext. 111

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ubya had Iraq. Clinton had Monica. Reagan had Iran Contra. Nixon had, well, you know. Call it the six-year itch, that time when the deeds and misdeeds of two-term presidents always seem to finally catch up to them, when they’ve been around long enough to give attack dogs red meat and amass a bountiful surfeit of enemies out for scalps. Congressional hearings, calls for endless investigations, subpoenas galore, the specter of impeachment — all de rigueur. And so it is unsurprising — after the big nothingburgers of Solyndra, Fast and Furious and the IRS pseudo-scandal — that the cauldron of enmity known as the House Republicans has refocused its outrage-insearch-of-a-cause on the 2012 incident in Benghazi, Libya, that left four Americans dead. To that end, the House will convene a special select committee to “investigate” the attack on the U.S. consulate, a committee whose real purpose, of course, has nothing to do with actual fact-finding and everything to do with inflaming the money-generating right-wing noise machine, damaging Hillary Clinton’s presidential prospects and, if all goes well, at long last ridding the country of the Commie tyrant Barack Hussein Obama. Benghazi is, we’re told, worse than Watergate — and somehow worse than the putrid cesspool of lies that led to more than 4,000 American deaths in Iraq under the last GOP administration (or even the nearly 270 Americans who perished in terrorist attacks in Libya in 1983 on Saint Ronnie’s watch). To be sure, Benghazi isn’t a shining moment of American foreign policy. There was an intelligence failure, a lack of clarity, spin from the White House and the president’s re-election campaign. The casus belli of this latest round on indignation is an email, disclosed in response to a FOIA request from Judicial Watch, in which White House advisor Ben Rhodes instructed then-Ambassador to the United Nations (now national security advisor) Susan Rice “to underscore that these protests [in Egypt and later Libya, which gave rise to the attack] are rooted in an Internet video, and not a broader failure of policy” on the Sunday talk-show circuit. That is, in the Republican fever dream, smoking-gun evidence not of spin but of a cover-up, proof that the White House downplayed the attack’s terrorism origins, or maybe its own unwillingness or inability to protect American diplomats, or something. The further in the weeds you go, the less sense the conspiracy makes. That’s not to say this whole mess hasn’t been a cluster that transparency could have ameliorated. The administration should have released an unredacted version of that email years ago, not now. (Worth noting: What Rice said about that anti-Islam YouTube video, in fact, reflected what the CIA believed at the time; the evidence still suggests the video played a role, and that the Benghazi attacks were opportunistic, rather than planned weeks out.) But the heady jump from “White House talking points” to “impeach!” is not just long and arduous but rancid and offensive, especially from the crew that fell over itself to rally behind Bush’s misbegotten calamities (and brand the rest of us traitors). Jeffrey C. Billman twitter/jeffreybillman jbillman@folioweekly.com

MAIL into us a living soul that will live on forever. When we reach that expiration date, here’s what will happen: “Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it” (Eccl. 12:7). As far as I can determine, the Bible Belt plan is the only plan that guarantees life and joy beyond the grave. What’s an atheist have to look forward to? William H. Shuttleworth

Evidence Of Design

Won’t Hold My Breath

Other Florida counties have tried open enrollment [News, “The Plan That Never Was,” Khristoper Brooks, April 23]. My home county, Pinellas, tried it for a few years but was unsuccessful maintaining it. The transportation costs were too high, and the logistics of bus schedules became a massive headache. Eventually, some schools were closed, and children in poorer neighborhoods were bused to better schools anyway. Duval is larger than Pinellas in size but smaller in population. That means more buses will travel farther for fewer children. How can such an increase in transportation costs be offset by cuts in other places? If most schools are already underfunded, especially the ones in poorer sections, how can spending cuts be justified? It won’t work; all schools will suffer the losses. I’d like to see tough business decisions made by a government entity, but I won’t hold my breath. No plan in the near future will stop the migration from public schools to charters and magnets, and the tax dollars will follow that migration. The trend is plain to see: More charters and magnets will open so long as the demand exists. Bleeding all the schools for a transportation and logistics nightmare is a mistake. Open enrollment is not the answer. Tough decisions have to be made. No one wants to close any schools. And no one wants overcrowded classrooms. The answer has to be somewhere in between. Wouldn’t it make more sense to “centralize” the schools and teachers and let them reach as many students as possible from fewer sites? Isn’t it better to cut facility costs instead of jobs that people depend on? Jobs and people can re-locate, and the buses will run regardless. Make practical decisions now; it only gets tougher in the future. James Couch

A Reasoned Response

The bold headline leaping off the front cover, “Godless in the Bible Belt” [Cover Story, John E. Citrone, April 23], begs for a reasoned response. Apparently, Citrone’s lengthy argument was ignited by the questions of his charming 7-year-old daughter, who heard her schoolteacher say, “We are all made of clay.” Being an atheist, Citrone indignantly responded with, “I was outraged.” However, an evolutionistic teacher most likely would have told the class, “We’ve all evolved from the mud and slime of the swamp.” In all fairness, let’s also examine the Bible Belt view. “And God said, Let us make man in our image” (Gen. 1:26). “And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul” (Gen. 2:7). Therefore, each of us has a perishable body made of dust (or clay) that comes with an expiration date. But God has also breathed

Granted, clay is a bit simplistic [“Godless”]. However … The mathematicians Sir Fred Hoyle and Chandra Wickramasinghe, coauthors of Evolution from Space, wrote (after acknowledging that they had been atheists all their lives): “Once we see, however, that the probability of life originating at random is so utterly minuscule as to make it absurd, it becomes sensible to think that the favorable properties of physics, on which life depends, are in every respect deliberate. … It is therefore, almost inevitable that our own measure of intelligence must reflect higher intelligences … even to the limit of God.” The journalist William West has written: “More recent evidence does not just indicate fine tuning, but fine tuning on a staggering scale — an infinitesimal, mind-bending level of tuning. In short, if the values for any of a range of fundamental physical constants, like gravity or fundamental particles, had been different by one part in trillions upon trillions, there would be no stars, planets or life.” Even skeptic Stephen Hawking acknowledges fine-tuning. In his book The Grand Design, he concedes: “The laws of nature form a system that is extremely finetuned, and very little in physical law can be altered without destroying the possibility of the development of life as we know it. Were it not for a series of startling coincidences in the precise details of physical law, it seems, humans and similar life-forms would never have come into being.” Or, as Nobel laureate physicist Arno Penzias summed up: “This universe is so perfectly tuned for life, it is unbelievable. The laws of physics could all be slightly different in a zillion different ways, and [yet] every one of them is finely tuned for life.” The universe is imprinted with information, now discovered by scientists, that shows the obviousness of the existence of intelligent design. Through the laws of probability, science itself demonstrates that there is no conceivable possibility that the universe and life arose by mere chance. In other words, it is absurd not to believe in intelligent design and creation. Mike Schuder

Correction Last week’s Fightin’ Words column, “The Right to Refuse,” stated that Neptune Beach had passed an ordinance banning discrimination against gays and lesbians. This is incorrect. The city has passed a resolution encouraging the Legislature to pass a statewide antidiscrimination ban, but recently tabled a proposal for a citywide employment antidiscrimination ordinance that would have applied to sexual orientation, but not gender expression or identity, according to the Jacksonville Coalition for Equality. We regret the error. If you would like to respond to something that appeared in Folio Weekly, please send an email with your address and phone number (for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com. We reserve the right to edit letters for grammar, clarity and space.

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NEWS BUZZ

ADVERTISING Man of Principle PROOF This is a copyright protected proof “I’m a Democrat for life,© now” — Charlie Crist Oh, Charlie, you beautiful permatanned

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raisin of a man,” which we’ll never be able to top — able to change everything about your political persona on a dime, with a shameless dexterity uncommon in the YouTube age, when all of your Produced by _ Checked by Sales Rep _ previous positions can be recalled with a few clicks of the keyboard for all the world to see. We kind of love you for that, you know. Not the lack of any semblance of self-awareness or principle, but the ginormous set of balls it takes to go from anti-gay, anti-immigrant, anti-Obamacare, anti-abortion guy who so desperately wanted to be John McCain’s understudy (but lost out to the Alaska Snowbilly, ugh) to pro-gay, proimmigrant, pro-Obamacare, pro-choice Barack Obama lover, all in just a couple of years. That’s impressive, man. (Even more impressive: The Florida Democratic Party, especially its bigmoney elites, has bought in completely.) Anyway, Chuck — may we call you Chuck? — we caught your interview with Jorge Ramos last week, in which you told his audience (largely Hispanic, a key demographic!) that you left the Republican Party because Republicans are seen as “anti-women, anti-immigrant, antiminority [and] anti-gay,” and that you “couldn’t be consistent with myself and my core beliefs and stay with a party that was so unfriendly toward the African-American president, I’ll just go there. I was a Republican and I saw the activists and what they were doing, it was intolerable to me.” You just went there, bravely, repeating what anyone with the barest© modicum 2014of critical thinking skills realized in 2009 — that elements of the Republican base do not like the black president because he is black — and positing that it was this bigotry that drove you from the Grand Old Party to the Dems, where your “true soul is able to be seen.” Chuck, we hate to go all PolitiFact on your ass, but that is not how we remember recent history. The way we remember it, back in 2010, when you decided the Governor’s Mansion was no longer suitable and began your quest to relocate to Washington, D.C., you were just fine cozying up to those same Tea Partyers you now decry, telling them “I am the true conservative in this race” and proclaiming your undying affection for Ronald Reagan at every possible turn, even as they called you a RINO for once being respectful to the hated president. Now, sure, you were running in a Republican primary, and by then the inmates had taken over the asylum, and when in Rome, etc. But the point is, you didn’t abandon the GOP because of some principled epiphany; you abandoned it because you were losing. You only © completed 2014 your political migration — from staunch Republican to pragmatic Independent to staunch Democrat — after the 2012 election, when your ambition was in need of a new home and you decided that Tallahassee wasn’t so bad after all. It is possible, we suppose, that, four years ago, you indeed found your own party’s activists “intolerable,” though you didn’t show it much at the time. We don’t presume to know your heart. But to elide the patently obvious political calculations that have motivated you since you were calling yourself Chain Gang Charlie, perpetually climbing from one office to the next (state senator to education commissioner to attorney general to governor to wannabe vice president to wannabe senator to wannabe governor again), and stake claim to some sort of principled authenticity … Well, Chuck, what kind of rubes do you take us for?

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A People-Centric Park Lisa Goodrich had a simple idea. Following much public agonizing over the people who hang out in Hemming Plaza and their undesirability and possible criminal behavior and the evergreen talk about how to bring Jacksonville’s central square back to life (which often involves some variation on ridding ourselves of those undesirables), she thought: “Why don’t we just show up and start doing?” Goodrich created the Facebook page “BYO Lunch in Hemming” and invited people to meet at noon on the first and third Wednesday of the month. At the first BYO Lunch, about 85 people showed up. Last week, about 20 did so, gathering with to-go lunches from surrounding restaurants under portable tables and umbrellas shoved together near one of the park fountains. Goodrich objects to the commonly held idea that Hemming’s denizens are homeless or undesirable. If someone is drinking or doing drugs, that’s a police issue, she says. If all they’re doing is talking, playing chess or enjoying the outdoors, that’s not just legal, it also adds to the life of the place. “Most of people here are just hanging out,” she says. “That’s what you’re supposed to do in a park.”

And it looks like they’ll get to hang out there a bit longer; in fact, it looks like Hemming is about to get a whole lot more people-centric. In 2012, you may recall, City Councilmember Don Redman — a lovely gent who once emailed a constituent irate about Redman’s anti-gay posturing to call him a “misguided,& miserable indivdule [sic],” adding, “I pray that God will speak to your heart, & show you the truthes [sic] of his word” — proposed an ordinance to remove all the chairs and tables from Hemming, to keep, you know, those people away. As of last week, that bill seems permanently stalled in Council committee. More good news: There’s also a major contract in the works to turn the management of Hemming Plaza over to a private group, The Friends of Hemming Park, chaired by The Most Interesting Man In Jacksonville himself, Mr. Wayne Wood [Cover Story, “The Burden and the Truth of Wayne Wood,” Jenn Chase, April 2]. The Friends were the sole entity to respond to the city’s RFP to take over management of the park, and they’re currently negotiating a contract with the city. The Friends estimate that they’ll spend $1.25 million in the first year of operation, of which $1 million will come from the city and the Downtown Investment Authority. Instead of fixed seating — or, in Redman’s fantasy, no seating — the Friends plan to bring hefty but moveable tables and chairs, similar to those in New York City’s Bryant Park. “The big thing is to allow people to curate their own experience,” says Katherine Hardwick, marketing director of Downtown Vision and one of the Friends. “We will switch out stationary furniture for more moveable ones. In summer, someone might move a table into the shade. In the winter, they might want to move tables into the sun.” In addition to programming from the park’s stage, the group plans simple activities to make the park most welcoming, like creating reading spaces and inviting the library to bring out periodicals and books. They’ll remove the hard-edged, heat-absorbing bricks and add more green. “If you make a beautiful space, people will want to be there,” says Hardwick. Even the undesirables. — Jeffrey C. Billman and Susan Cooper Eastman

2 MINUTES WITH … // DENNIS HO

NEIL SINDICICH, OWNER OF SUPERHERO HIVE (2842 Park St., Riverside; 1124 Third St. N., Jax Beach) Folio Weekly: How long have you been into comics? Neil Sindicich: I’ve been reading and collecting comics since I was 7 years old, which is 29 years. What was it that drew your interest? The visuals, the art and how beautiful it was, plus the story and how fun it was to read. It was sort of like a movie on a page that you could get over and over again. Every week, you could get a new movie on a page and, to me, that was a really exciting way to consume media. As I got older, it got more and more exciting, because I was exposed to different characters and different universes and different worlds. Did you collect comics as a kid? Oh yeah, oh yeah. It’s funny, I probably collected more as a kid than I do now, and now I read more. As a kid, I was into the “Oooh, these are gunna be worth something someday,” and now I’ve kinda gotten over that illusion, because a lot of those books really aren’t worth that much. Do you still have them? Yeah, I’ve got most of them. Two-and-ahalf years ago, I think I had 35 long boxes, which are about 250 comics each. About half of those I donated to the store, but now I’m probably up to 30 boxes again. [Laughs.] Who were your favorites growing up? I’ve always liked the X-Men a lot. I like the concept that’s behind that creation and that group of characters, the idea that adversity is not the end of the world and if people don’t like you, it’s OK because you can still get along and figure out how to co-exist. I was a typical comic-reading kid, I was nerdy and geeky, and so I saw these guys as someone who was being ostracized by the people around them, and I felt that way as a nerdy, geeky kid and I related to that. Which is more popular at the cash register, Marvel or DC? Oh gosh. At the Jax Beach store, Marvel is more popular at the cash register. I’m not entirely sure if that’s because of the number of books published, but I think generally their stories are resonating right now with more people. Two years ago, it was probably

flipped. DC was rebooting its universe and started all of their books back at No. 1, and I think when they did that, they commanded the cash register for a good six or eight months. The hard part is that Marvel just publishes more stuff. So the movies have had an appreciable effect on sales? I think the Marvel movies have really pushed the sales a lot. When [Man of Steel] came out, you saw a pretty good bump in sales of DC books surrounding Superman. Anytime a Batman movie comes out, you see folks coming in looking for the older comics about Batman. When Thanos appeared at the end scene of the first Avengers movie, the desire for anything with Thanos in it skyrocketed; it was kind of crazy. Describe your average customer. I don’t think there is an average customer. Our customers range from 4 years old to 75. We have doctors and lawyers and we have waitstaff and bussers, we have car salesmen and mechanics, police officers, firefighters. I can’t really think of a career subset that we don’t represent. We have a reasonably high female-to-male ratio of customers, that’s really kind of an interesting phenomenon. We’re probably close to 20 percent female. And it’s usually closer to … ? The national average is somewhere between 5 and 10 percent. What do you think about Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons? [Laughs.] I don’t look anything like him, and I hope I never will. I also have a real opinion that the comic book store should be like your local bar, not a place where you walk into and you’re alienated by the person at the register. You wanna be welcomed to have conversations with your fellow customers and with the employees at the shop. You should come in and tell me what you’re reading and what you like and don’t like — it helps me understand and learn more about my customers and learn what to order. That’s important to me. Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

NEWS

LOCK ’EM UP Elsewhere in Florida, prosecutors dealing with misdemeanor juvenile delinquency are forgoing harsh penalties. Angela Corey has no patience for such leniency.

ntonio made a bad decision, the kind of bad decision 16-year-old boys, in the throes of surging hormones and peer pressure and a desire for stuff they can’t afford, make all the time, the kind in which no one gets hurt, but could nonetheless have far-reaching consequences. On April 18, between the racks in a local Walmart, Antonio threaded a belt through the loop of his slacks, then walked over to the electronics section and donned a pair of headphones. His 14-year-old cousin swiped a pair of headphones, too. The shy, spindly Antonio — a boy with the openness and vulnerability of a child, not a criminal — needed a belt, and had already spent his money on sneakers. So he just took it. Walmart security nabbed the pair as they walked out the door. In the security office, they confessed. And when officers from the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office arrived, the Walmart security officials recommended they be issued civil citations, not arrested. They wouldn’t have their mug shots snapped and fingerprints taken. They wouldn’t have to live the rest of their lives with this bad decision on their records, there whenever they apply for scholarships, try to join the military or seek a job. They would, however, have to appear before a neighborhood accountability board, which would determine their punishment. Walmart’s act of mercy put Antonio among the several hundred youths who so far this year have committed first-time misdemeanors in the Fourth Judicial Circuit — a broad swath comprising Duval, Clay and Nassau counties that includes three county sheriffs’ offices, seven municipal police departments and Duval County’s school

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police — and were slapped with citations instead of handcuffs. Instead of heading to juvie for processing, Antonio got to go home to his grandmother, where he had some explaining to do. “He cried when he told me,” says his grandmother, Jackie, who has raised him since he was 8. When Antonio and his grandmother appeared a few weeks later for a hearing before the neighborhood board, the teen apologized publicly in a barely audible voice to his grandmother for embarrassing her and thanked the board for the opportunity to avoid juvenile detention. During the hearing, Antonio’s eyes welled when he spoke of his mother, a chronic drug user and prostitute who handed her kids over to their grandmother eight years ago. Shortly before the shoplifting incident, Antonio’s mother had promised him she was quitting drugs and would get a legitimate job and reclaim her kids. Almost immediately afterward, she was arrested again. Maybe, Jackie wondered, he was acting out. “I noticed the tears in your eyes when you talked about your mama,” Teen Court director Lawrence Hills, who chairs community hearings on civil citations in the Ribault High School area of Jacksonville, told Antonio. “If there’s anything, for all of us, that will do that, it’s definitely your mama.” The board ordered Antonio to serve on

the Teen Court jury, volunteer at the Clara White Mission, go to counseling, complete a workbook on shoplifting and the law, and write a two-page essay on how to set a better example for his younger brother and sister. He was also required to write a poem based on Tupac Shakur’s song “Dear Mama,” to express his feelings toward his mom. This is, to Hills’ mind, an ideal outcome — a punishment both befitting the crime and offering Antonio a chance to mature and grow. And, he adds, civil citations work: 92 percent of the kids Hills has ushered through the process complete the requirements, and 91 percent are not rearrested in the following year. Statewide, juveniles issued civil citations have a 4 percent recidivism rate, according to the Department of Juvenile Justice — the best rate for any DJJ program. “We are not returning a whole lot of kids into the system,” Hills says. And that, after all, is the goal.

“Angela is like the carpenter that only has a hammer. When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

hroughout Florida, kids like Antonio are finally catching a break. But here in Northeast Florida, cases like his are the exception, not the rule. While Florida’s juvenile justice system is undergoing a fundamental shift in emphasis from harsh punishment to second chances, youth advocates here say this region is falling way behind, and they affix blame squarely on one person: State Attorney Angela Corey.

Last year in her Fourth Judicial Circuit, 4,591 juveniles were arrested. Of those, 1,418 were charged with felonies, including sexual battery, armed robbery and one murder. More than 2,000 were arrested for misdemeanors. Even in those relatively minor cases, the ramifications of an arrest can last a lifetime. The State Attorney’s Office has in civil citations a mechanism to address a juvenile’s misdeeds without subjecting him or her to arrest, an effective way to intervene and give a kid a second chance. Police can issue a civil citation when a minor is accused of a first-time misdemeanor, provided the juvenile immediately admits guilt and agrees to any imposed conditions such as community service or letters of apology to victims. The victims must also agree to waive restitution. When cited, the teenager avoids arrest until prosecutors review the case. If he’s deemed eligible for diversion, he appears before a civilian board and must follow the board’s mandates to avoid a record. Across the state, more and more prosecutors are using civil citations. In Miami-Dade, 86 percent of juvenile offenders were given citations in 2013. In Pinellas County, which includes St. Petersburg, 82 percent. The statewide average, 40 percent. In Duval County, just 32 percent. Angela Corey refuses to commit to the expanded use of civil citations, leading police in her circuit to arrest juveniles significantly more often than cops in other major metropolitan areas in Florida. Corey maintains that civil citations aren’t needed, and argues that her office’s juvenile diversion programs produce the same results. Advocates say that’s simply not true.

NEWS “Angela is like the carpenter that only has a hammer,” says David Utter, the Southern Poverty Law Center’s Florida state policy and legislative director. “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

wave of gun and gang violence in the 1990s led to fear of a coming generation of child “super predators.” Congress passed the Safe Schools Act in 1994, which offered federal money to make sure schools were safe and free of violence. The Columbine school massacre in 1999 added to the hysteria. Florida schools joined the punishment movement and, across the country, routine classroom misbehavior was criminalized. While embracing the crackdown on violence in schools, State Attorney Harry Shorstein also introduced civil citations in Duval County Public Schools in 1998. That gave Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office school officers discretion to cite and not arrest kids who committed certain firsttime misdemeanors such as petit theft and disorderly conduct. Although Duval schools’ police had that option, the climate throughout Florida was one of zero tolerance. You had cases like the one in 2005 in St. Petersburg, when police removed a kindergartener from her school in handcuffs after she threw a temper tantrum. Or in Martin County in 2008, when a 13-yearold student was arrested for disrupting a school function in 2008 by farting and turning off his classmates’ computers. Gone were the days when children caught writing graffiti on a bathroom stall were put in detention and given a stern talking-to. By the end of the 2005-’06 school year, JSO school officers had turned 1,600 kids over to the juvenile justice system, and issued a mere 400 citations. Just about any misconduct led to a brush with the law. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘This is insanity,’ ” says David Coffman, who was in charge of JSO school officers at the time and recently became chief of the schools’ independent police force. Perspectives changed when the super predators failed to appear, and youth advocates sought to soften the handling of misdemeanor-level misbehavior. The Florida Legislature passed a law in 2009

“We don’t even have to have a civil citation program in place if we are using similar programs. Without a civil citation, we can still get to that end.” that clarified that arrests were never meant to deal with routine classroom misbehavior. Student arrests in Duval County dropped by 73 percent in the next four years, Coffman says. Then, in 2011, legislators mandated that civil citations and other non-arrest diversions be implemented in all Florida counties — both in the schools and on the streets. Despite the emerging consensus, Corey has staunchly opposed what she’s termed the “growing movement for leniency with juveniles.” Two years ago, she adamantly refused to join a memorandum of understanding calling for the expansion of civil citations signed by, among others, Duval County School Superintendent Nikolai Vitti, Public Defender Matt Shirk, Chief Judge Donald Moran and Sheriff John Rutherford. At the same time, however, she’s also said that she’s in favor of the spirit of civil citations. “We’re in favor of … encouraging non-arrests for certain first-time offenders who commit non-violent offenses,” Corey recently told Folio Weekly. “We don’t even have to have a civil citation program in place if we are using similar programs. Without a

civil citation, we can still get to that end.” Corey also says she supports citations under the right circumstances, such as when a teen is caught with a joint or, like Antonio, accused of shoplifting (if the stolen items are promptly returned in perfect condition). In those cases, there are no concerns about restitution to victims. Her office’s non-arrest diversion programs, Corey says, include pre-trial intervention, a consumer mediation program, a citizens dispute settlement program and a youth work program. Last year, 147 juveniles were put into these non-arrest diversions, according to Corey. And the State Attorney’s Office has other programs in place for juveniles after they are arrested, including drug court, mental health court, a worthless check program, a kids-in-distress program and a jailed juvenile mentor program. Those programs don’t factor into the state’s statistics, Corey says, but they accomplish the same goals. Perhaps. But even adding in those 147 non-arrest diversions, Corey’s numbers still fall far behind those of other major circuits throughout the state.

arlier this year, Shirk asked the City Council to pass a resolution advocating increased use of civil citations. His proposal received immediate support from city officials, school officials, religious groups, high-ranking court officials and others. But not from Angela Corey. Though the resolution was nonbinding, Corey went to war. She stood before the City Council and argued that parts of the resolution were misleading and the statistics supporting the resolution were flawed. Corey was more than just opposed to the resolution (which the Council was expected to vote on May 13, after this story goes to press). She took it personally. She questioned why Shirk was stirring things up when, in her view, it’s none of his business, and accused him and Vitti of saying she doesn’t care about kids. “I don’t think the conversation should be centered on whether Angela Corey cares about children or not,” Vitti responds. “It should be more about whether her policies benefit children or not.” One of advocates’ main complaints

Antonio rifles through his diversion program paperwork near his home on the Northside. Photo by Dennis Ho

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ADVERTISING PROO This is a copyrightNEWS protected proof

saying there’s nothing civil about on May 12, andIFplanned to start AT centers on Corey’s refusal to make any offense For efore Antonio left his civil citation questions, please callthem your advertising representative at 260-9770.Teen FAXCourt YOUR PROOF POSSIBLE because they involve crimes. Instead, she says, volunteering at the Clara White Mission the involving violence — especially simple hearing, Hills asked what he wanted to same day. battery, or attacking someone without causing they should be called “juvenile citations.” do when he grew up. “Be a lawyer,” he Corey points out that arrest records can “I think things are going well,” says serious injuries — eligible for citations. This is replied softly. be sealed, and her office offers free help his grandmother, Jackie. “He’s really been not the case in other major metros. Antonio did look lawyer-sharp, except for to juveniles if they’ve been arrested and “Something is wrong and we need to ask one telling detail. He had dressed in black dress showing me that he gave some thought about Produced by KL by and that he’s really Sales _CJ PROMISE OFdistrict BENEFIT successfully completed SUPPORTdiversion programs. ASK FOR ACTION what he did sorryRep about it. questions when we are the only large slacks, a black dress shirt and a shiny black tie Checked But that’s not good enough, youth I don’t think it will happen again.” not using civil citations for misdemeanor with a silver tie clip — it looked smart, except advocates say. There’s room for improvement, for the raggedy, cracked black leather belt he Antonio, she continues, is thinking battery,” Vitti says. “I don’t think we are the seriously about his life and who he wants to be. only [place] getting this right.” had looped through his trousers. and Corey should be leading the charge, not “I have high, high hopes for him,” Jackie says. Many boys, Vitti points out, have been standing in the way of progress. Not even two weeks later, Antonio had “And I know he has high hopes for himself.” involved in fights — sometimes playground “I think Jacksonville stands out as a completed a letter of thanks to the officer who If he’d been arrested, those hopes might scuffles, sometimes something more particularly tough place to be a young person cited him, a letter of apology to Walmart, have meant nothing. serious — that the law would construe as … and I think the data makes that clear,” the “Dear Mama” poem to his mother and misdemeanor battery. In Duval County, these Utter says. had almost completed the workbook on Susan Cooper Eastman and Derek Kinner boys are arrested, their futures imperiled. theft. He was scheduled to serve jury duty in mail@folioweekly.com Elsewhere, they get a civil citation. Making battery eligible would greatly increase the number of citations and reduce the Circuit’s number of juvenile arrests. Last year alone, 610 juveniles were arrested for misdemeanor assault or battery, more than the total number issued civil citations. Rob Mason, who heads the Public Defender’s Office’s juvenile division, says his office recently reviewed 188 diversion cases, and almost 40 percent involved batteries or incidents of domestic violence. In these cases, their clients were already permanently marked by the system due to their arrests. “You really wonder,” he asks, “why did these kids have to be arrested?” It’s a good question. Studies have shown that arrests and first appearances in court have profound effects on normally nondelinquent children who commit first-time misdemeanors. Gary Sweeten, a professor at the University of Arizona’s School of Criminology & Criminal Justice, wrote in a 2006 research paper that juveniles who are arrested just once are at double the risk of dropping out of high school; if they appear in court, that risk is quadrupled. “The data seems to show that if you arrest them, it’s going to bring about negative results, ultimately, like dropping out of high school,” Mason says. The data also show that the civil citations work: While only 4 percent of the Florida juveniles who are issued civil citations re-offend, 75 percent of kids sent to juvenile detention commit crimes again.

f Corey were open to suggestions about the most effective ways to deal with juveniles, she wouldn’t need to look far. DCPS superintendent Vitti has a wealth of wellearned insight, not just from postgraduate degrees at Harvard and classroom and administration experience in the Bronx, where Crips and Bloods battled daily, but also from his years heading the school district in Miami-Dade, a county that effectively uses civil citations. “In Miami-Dade, the schools created a culture that turned from the punishment mode and reactionary discipline to problemsolving and building relationships,” Vitti says. “In [Jacksonville], we still have a culture rooted in being reactionary in how we respond to negative behavior. The state attorney has created an environment with a one-size-fits-all approach, and this is especially problematic when we are talking about the youth of this city.” Corey, however, has given no indication that she’s interested in listening. The unapologetically hard-nosed prosecutor has a well-documented history of bristling at the slightest hint of criticism. Corey has even objected to the universal term “civil citation,”

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RUN DATE:

FIGHTIN’ WORDS

PARTY FOULS The mayor’s party doesn’t matter so much. The way he does business does

s the 2015 mayoral contest takes shape, we see a real sense of Jacksonville’s political evolution in just four short years. With that in mind, a quick review of the 2011 race — which looked, before the runoff, like the year of the well-connected former prosecutor — seems in order. Before the election got real, the smart people thought it would come down to socially moderate Audrey Moran or central-casting conservative Rick Mullaney. The frontrunners spent the early days drawing distinctions without a difference, in the style of Republican primaries throughout the country during the Bush era, and knocked each other out before the runoff, thus leaving two choices that struck voters as distinctly improbable: gaffe-prone Mike Hogan and enigmatic Alvin Brown. Those looking for the swag of Hans Tanzler, the blue-collar pragmatism of Jake Godbold or the flinty realism of Ed Austin were grievously disappointed. Immediately, the city’s power structure was consumed in a protracted oh-shit moment, realizing they would’ve preferred Hulk Hogan over Mike Hogan because Mike Hogan was always a sound bite away from a new embarrassment. With the evolved consensus that Hogan was unacceptable, the paradigm shifted. Peter Rummell led the Jax business community to fall in behind the Democrat, sending a message to the world that Jacksonville was open for business and done with the parochial messaging that had typified the city’s global identity for the last few decades. Brown, a pro-business black Democrat, may have seemed an unlikely choice to those outside of town — but in Jacksonville, where Democrats controlled the mayor’s office until Austin, Rummell’s endorsement didn’t seem completely incongruous. And, of course, Brown would be inclined to do what was Best for Business. Offer, condition, acceptance: an implied contract if ever there was one. Alas, Rummell has turned on Brown, in what stands as a breach claim. Called Alvin an ineffective manager and tagged him with

showing too much deference to our tragicomic City Council. Drew a heart around a new name in his yearbook: Lenny Curry, the state Republican party boss, who combines a keen grasp of insider baseball with a self-effacement equal parts Charlie Crist and Rahm Emanuel. (He even does selfies with Speckman!) Is Brown now in deep doo-doo? Absolutely. And so is everyone in the race who is not Lenny Curry. Because Rummell’s preemptive endorsement absolutely is a GTFO show of strength. Folks like Bill Bishop may soldier on, but where will his money come from? The only other plausible candidate, Sheriff John Rutherford, doesn’t seem like he’s building an organization — and if there were a chance that a Draft Rutherford movement might have emerged, it’s been positively blunted by the power structure’s shift to Curry. The most recent University of North Florida poll, in February, shows a mayor with healthy but declining popularity. His approval fell 11 points to 59 percent from the previous year’s 70 percent. More important: Brown lost almost half of his traction in the Strongly Support category — down from 26 percent to 16 percent. Telling, also: When pitted against four prospective GOP candidates, Brown was ahead of all, including Curry, but did not claim more than 50 percent against any, suggesting he has a ceiling of those who’d be willing to pound the pavement for him next year. Curry doesn’t have to be all things to all people. Just serve up a little Audrey Moran, a little John Delaney, and a little bit of One Spark energy. The real question won’t be if he can turn Republicans out, but if he can turn out independents. To do that, he’ll have to give the hipsters a little of what they want — at least make it look good. Some moderation on the human rights ordinance, coupled with Not Being Mike Hogan, should do the trick. AG Gancarski twitter/aggancarski mail@folioweekly.com MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

LIFE LESSONS FROM

WILLIE NELSON The Red Headed Stranger has been around the block a time or two. You could learn something from him

Story by Nick McGregor Illustration by Andrew Spear

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first saw country music legend Willie Nelson perform in 2001 at the Zellwood Corn Festival in rural Central Florida. Admission was $11, which included all-youcan-eat ears of sweet corn, a greasy paper bag full of boiled peanuts and a beer ticket. With only a few hundred middle-aged and elderly spectators scattered in front of the stage, I got a front-row listen as Nelson and his backing band, The Family, romped through 40 years of songs I’d grown up listening to on my grandfather’s record player. Afterward, Willie and crew hung around to chat with fans and sign autographs. My grandfather was never happier than when I presented him with a John Hancock-ed copy of Willie’s 1975 album The Red Headed Stranger — and never more jealous than when I told him I got to shake the bearded, braided man’s hand. In 2014, a ticket to see the 81-year-old Nelson will set you back $60 to $120 — and plunking down $200-plus for a VIP package won’t even secure you the chance to say hello after the show. So what happened in the intervening 13 years to transform Willie from grinning folk hero of The Greatest Generation and its Baby Boomer offspring to living, breathing embodiment of American cool, out of reach of the common man? The answer is wrapped in a confluence of factors. Marijuana’s a big one — Willie’s always been an unabashed toker, and mainstream acceptance of weed has never been higher. And what better way to spread awareness than with a loveable old guy who agitates for drug reform while proudly boasting to Larry King that he’s smoked every day for decades? Yet Willie’s outsized celebrity detracts from the fact that his songs stand as some of the finest ever written. Before the 1970s, no one had successfully mixed country’s downhome poetry with jazz’s offbeat timing, swing’s refined elegance and folk’s traditionalist clarity. It took Nelson decades to refine such an aesthetic. Orphaned shortly after birth, Willie Hugh Nelson wrote his first song at age 7, joined his first band at age 10 and quit picking cotton at age 13 to play local concert halls. After high school, he joined the Air Force, sold encyclopedias in Fort Worth, trimmed trees in Waco, washed dishes in Springfield, DJed a radio show in Vancouver and taught guitar lessons in Houston before landing in Nashville. He scored a few songwriting hits for bigger stars — namely, Patsy Cline’s careerdefining 1962 smash “Crazy” — and toured as a bassist for honky-tonk hero Ray Price. But Nelson struggled to define himself as a solo artist, even after RCA Records signed him to a $10,000-a-year contract. By 1970, he’d squandered most of his royalties on unprofitable tours, saw his Tennessee ranch burn to the ground and watched two marriages disintegrate in the space of eight years. Which helps to explain why, in 1972, Nelson paid $14,000 to get out of his RCA contract so he could “retire” to the sleepy Central Texas burg of Austin. His timing was impeccable, though, as the city and its outlaw country scene were just taking off. In a year’s time, Nelson went from outcast to multiplatinum superstar — at age 40, no less. In the 1970s and ’80s, he delivered 15

5 Songs You Never Knew Willie Nelson Wrote 1. “Family Bible” (popularized by Claude Gray in 1960) 2. “Hello Walls” (popularized by Faron Young in 1961) 3. “Funny How Time Slips Away” (popularized by Billy Walker in 1961) 4. “Crazy” (popularized by Patsy Cline in 1962) 5. “Night Life” (popularized by Ray Price in 1963)

5 Songs You Never Knew Willie Nelson Didn’t Write 1. “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” (written by Fred Rose in 1945, popularized by Nelson in 1975) 2. “Mammas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow up to Be Cowboys” (written in 1976 by Ed and Patsy Bruce, popularized by Nelson and Waylon Jennings in 1978) 3. “Highwayman” (written in 1977 by Jimmy Webb, popularized by Nelson, Jennings, Cash and Kristofferson in 1985) 4. “All of Me” (written in 1931 by Seymour Simons and Gerald Marks, popularized by Nelson in 1978) 5. “City of New Orleans” (written in 1971 by Steve Goodman, popularized by Nelson in 1984)

No. 1 albums, a mythological concept record, odes to Broadway and Tin Pan Alley, and wildly successful collaborations with Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson. As The Highwaymen, Nelson and the other three musicians defined the term supergroup. Nelson’s fall from such grace was inevitable — and the low point came in 1990, when the IRS seized most of his assets, claiming he owed $32 million in back taxes. (His accountants apparently forgot to file for years). The decade’s rapidly shifting musical tastes forced Willie into a comfortably wealthy oblivion; he played to adoring crowds 200 nights a week, even as not a single one of his 1990s albums cracked the Billboard Top 10. The decade wasn’t a total wash, though; Nelson was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1993 and received Kennedy Center Honors in 1998. But there’s still something about the 2000s and 2010s that has served as a cataclysmic moment for Willie, à la Austin circa 1972. Statues have been erected in his honor. Honorary doctorates

When the government tries to screw you, screw ’em right back – and then laugh at the situation.

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have been endowed in his name. His business empire has mushroomed to include truck This is a copyright protecte stops, biodiesel companies, whiskey and Sirius XM radio stations. For questions, please call your advertising rep Yet the man understands his own mortality; in 2012, he implored critics and FAX YOUR PROOF I fans to “Roll Me Up and Smoke Me When I Die.” Miraculously, the herb hasn’t affected his voice, just as carpal tunnel syndrome hasn’t affected his sparse, spacious guitar-playing. Produced by _ C PROMISE OF BENEFIT SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION To this day, no one has replicated Willie’s lackadaisical cadence, cracked vulnerability, and ability to sing and play perfectly behind the beat. In his hands, a seemingly simplistic standard like “On the Road Again” or “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain” becomes something raw, something timeless, something moving. “I don’t mind playing the hits,” he told Rolling Stone last year, addressing complaints that his “set lists haven’t changed much since the Carter administration.” “I’m glad I got ’em.” We can all learn something from Willie Nelson — from his song titles, from his lyrics, from his laid-back approach to life and from his unflappable work ethic (dude still performs 150 nights a year at the age of 81). As you prep for Willie’s May 18 performance at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, study up on these 10 essential life lessons we’ve drawn from Willie’s long, storied career — with more than 40 millions records sold in the U.S. alone, a book called The Tao of Willie and a bustling business empire, nobody does plain-spoken success better than The Red Headed Stranger.

“Mammas, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys.”

We hear that the job market is collapsing, wages are depressed and room for growth is nonexistent. Still, there’s just something about the way that Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings imbued Ed Bruce’s 1976 song with such sad-eyed yearning (“’Cause they’ll never stay home/And they’re always alone/Even with someone they love”). Nearly 40 years later, the track resonates even more in our increasingly digitized world: Who doesn’t long for a simpler life dominated by “smoky old pool rooms and clear mountain mornings/Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night”?

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

Even the mellowest among us can have a nasty temper. Like Willie sings on 1975’s “The Red Headed Stranger,” “Don’t cross him, don’t boss him/He’s wild in his sorrow/He’s ridin’ and hidin’ his pain/Don’t fight him/Don’t spite him/Just wait till tomorrow/Maybe he’ll ride on again.” Apparently, Willie’s easygoing public demeanor hides a private mean streak that’s attributable to his Irish and Cherokee heritage and upbringing. As his current wife, Annie, told Rolling Stone in 2013, “You can see his pupils dilate and his eyes get kind of black [when he gets mad]. Pretty much everybody who knows him knows that that is not a good sign.”

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

Today, all we see is the millionaire with the most bangin’ tour bus known to man and neighbors in Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson. But back in the 1950s, when Willie went by his middle name, Hugh, he supported his first wife and three children as a scrappy jack-of-all-trades working any job he could anywhere he could find one, while tentatively pursuing life as a singer and songwriter. He sold some of his earliest hits for other artists for $50 a pop, and the dayin, day-out drudgery of the music business motivated Willie to retire twice, in the late ’50s and early ’70s. But both times, friends urged him to keep on keepin’ on, and it wasn’t until 1975 that Willie scored his first No. 1 single and album — at age 42. Even more impressive? The fact that his 1978 album Stardust remained on the country charts for 540 consecutive weeks — more than 10 years.

“Still is still moving to me.”

Willie has written some of the finest rambling songs in country music history. The entire Red Headed Stranger album celebrates the life of a mythical drifter, while 1980’s “On the Road Again” is the quintessential diary of life on tour (we dare you not to sing along when Willie joyfully intones, “The life I love is makin’ music with my friends”). But there’s something about the upbeat instrumental haunt of 1993’s “Still is Still Moving to Me,” written to honor the Navy’s Blue Angels flight demonstration pilots, that feels like the ultimate testament to perpetual motion: “I swim like a fish in the sea all the time/But if that’s what it takes to be free I don’t mind.”

When the government tries to screw you, screw ’em right back, and then laugh at the situation. When Willie Nelson was slapped with tens of millions of dollars in back tax penalties by the IRS in the 1980s, the lifelong outlaw didn’t roll over. He fought the eventual $6 million settlement for seven years; sued his former accounting firm, Price Waterhouse, for $45 million in damages; recorded an album called The IRS Tapes: Who’ll Buy My Memories?; had his daughter hide Dad’s prized guitar, a beat-

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

up old Martin acoustic he named Trigger, from repo men; saw charitable foundations and aspiring Willie Nelson museums buy much of his personal memorabilia; and watched as the very farm activists he’d helped with Farm Aid either dissuaded investors from purchasing any of Willie’s land at auction or purchased it themselves to hold until the musician could eventually buy it back. “A lot was bought by the Willie Nelson Showcase, the golf course and studio didn’t sell, and my daughter’s home was bought by farmers,” Willie told People magazine in 1991. “The things that did sell were just things. So actually, I haven’t lost anything.”

We live in a progressive era and you don’t have to be ashamed of your activism. Besides his very high-profile agitation for the reform of marijuana laws over the last 20 years, Willie has also led the charge on issues like biodiesel, genetically modified food, solar energy, animal cruelty, supporting the victims of the 2005 Indonesian tsunami and 2011 Japanese earthquake, the preservation of Texas musical history and, most recently, the fight for marriage equality. “It’s about human rights,” Nelson told Texas Monthly last March. “As humanity, we’ve come through so many problems from the beginning to here. … This is just another situation, another problem. We’ll work it out and move on. We’ll look back and say it was crazy that we ever even argued about this.”

When you’re on top, you gotta soak up all the success you can. Willie Nelson’s career is like a long-period ocean wave — rising and cresting, falling and crashing, but always moving forward with unstoppable energy. When Willie’s been on top, few have rivaled his success, just like when he’s been down, few have rivaled his problems. After finally achieving major success in the mid-’70s, Willie turned his live act into America’s highest grossing in 1979. In the ’80s, he capitalized on that fame by branching out: leading roles in movies like Honeysuckle Rose; guest appearances on TV shows like Miami Vice; biographies; landmark charitable efforts like Farm Aid; rowdy get-togethers like his annual Fourth of July Picnic; opulent estates in Malibu and Maui; Frank freakin’ Sinatra opening for him in Las Vegas in 1984; a vast business empire that includes truck stops, golf courses and concert venues. There isn’t much Willie hasn’t done — and done very, very well. Just last month, he was inducted into the Austin City Limits Hall of Fame!

let the circle go unbroken.

Nelson has maintained nearly the same band since 1973 — and older sister Bobbie’s been by his side, both as business partner and piano player, since the day Willie was born. Other longtime members of the Family include drummer Paul English and harmonica player Mickey Raphael; bassist Dan “Bee” Spears was in the band from

Willie Nelson’s Top 10 TEAM-UPS 1. 1978 album Waylon & Willie (with Waylon Jennings) 2. 1980 performance of “Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother” on the White House lawn (with President Jimmy Carter and First Lady Rosalynn Carter) 3. 1982 album Pancho & Lefty (with Merle Haggard) 4. 1984 single “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before” (with Julio Iglesias) 5. 1985 album Highwaymen (with Jennings, Cash and Kristofferson) 6. 2003 single “Beer for My Horses” (with Toby Keith) 7. 2005 live recording of “Busted” (with Ray Charles) 8. 2008 album Two Men with the Blues with Wynton Marsalis 9. 2012 single “Roll Me Up and Smoke When When I Die” (with Snoop Dogg) 10. 2013 album To All the Girls … (with Dolly Parton, Loretta Lynn, Rosanne Cash, Sheryl Crow, Mavis Staples, Norah Jones, Emmylou Harris, Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert)

Willie Nelson’s FOUR HighestProfile Drug Busts 1. Dallas, 1974 2. Waco, Texas, 1994 (one joint; court appearance forced him to miss the Grammys) 3. St. Martinville, La., on his way to former Texas Gov. Ann Richards’ funeral, 2006 (marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms; fined $1,024 and given six months’ probation) 4. Sierra Blanca Checkpoint, Texas, 2010 (six ounces of marijuana; prosecutor said he’d forego jail time if Willie agreed to perform “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain,” an offer later rescinded by the judge)

WILLIE NELSON & FAMILY with ALISON KRAUSS & UNION STATION, JERRY DOUGLAS and THE DEVIL MAKES THREE 6 p.m. May 18, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $59.50-$99.50, 209-3759, staugamphitheatre.com

1973 to 2011, when he passed away, just like guitarist Jody Payne, who eclipsed the 40year mark before dying in 2013. Meanwhile, English’s brother, Mickey, joined in 2010 to assist after Paul had a stroke — but even he was an original member of Willie’s backing lineup The Record Men in the 1960s.

Monastic abstinence in some areas and fullon immersion in others is the key to happiness. After suffering a collapsed lung in 1981, Willie was faced with a tough decision: give up cigarettes or give up pot. No word yet on whether medical researchers have studied Willie to examine the long-term affects of heavy marijuana use, but his recent preference for smokeless vaporizers and more mellow edibles have likely aided his longevity. Still, the 81-year-old claims he can outsmoke nearly any

other entertainer, including Snoop Lion (aka Snoop Dogg), who recently admitted he puffs 81 blunts per day — and then said Willie’s the only person to ever smoke him under the table.

10.

Don’t let old age slow you down but when it does, urge your friends to celebrate. Earlier this month, Willie secured a fifthdegree black belt in gong kwon yusul, the martial art he’s been practicing for 20 years — one day before his 81st birthday. But even that hasn’t stopped the world’s most mellow musician from pondering mortality. “You won’t see no sad and teary eyes/When I get my wings and it’s my time to fly,” he sang in 2012. To which Snoop added, “Call my friends and tell ’em/There’s a party, come on by/Roll me up and smoke me when I die.” mail@folioweekly.com

“You won’t see no sad and teary eyes/When I get my wings and it’s time to fly.” MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

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Our Picks Reasons to leave the house this week

TRASH ROCK

THE SUPERSUCKERS

It takes some stones to dub yourself “The Greatest Rock ’n’ Roll Band in the World.” But that’s just how Arizona-born, Seattle-based trash-thrashers The Supersuckers have described themselves for 25 years. Ever the outcasts, Eddie Spaghetti, Dan “Thunder” Bolton and company started decking their increasingly countrified cowpunk sound in shit-kickers and tight work pants circa 1995, when the grunge frenzy made everyone wearing flannel and ripped jeans rich. Not much has changed since the early days. The Supersuckers soldier on, recent tours with Thin Lizzy and Nashville Pussy reigniting a fire under the asses of these unrepentant lunatic rockers. With Gorilla Candy and Darkhorse Saloon, 8 p.m. May 18, Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $12.

SPOKEN SUMMER IN SANCTUARY

Al Letson, producer and host of NPR’s State of the Re:Union, brings his critically acclaimed off-Broadway show Summer in Sanctuary home to Jacksonville for two nights only. Based on his experiences teaching summer school classes in Springfield, the Jax native explores the effects of poverty and race on the dropout epidemic. Letson, who’s gained recognition for his ability to tell inspiring stories of everyday Americans on his radio show, uses his talent to craft a candid, funny and sometimes heartbreaking personal tale through monologue and spoken-word poetry. Local hip-hop artist Willie Evans Jr. provides the music. 8 and 10 p.m. May 16 & 17, Pangea Live, Downtown, free, reservations required, donations appreciated.

NOT JUST NOISE MASS CONTROL

ALL THAT DEEP UNDERGROUND

In case you skipped the Ritalin this morning, and the 750 words Dan Brown wrote on Folio Weekly’s pre-Jazz Fest throwdown (see page 19) is too much for your brain to process, here’s the Reader’s Digest version: Jacksonville Jazz Festival has (again) eschewed anything avant-garde in favor of (mostly) smooth jazz. And that’s fine. Nothing against Al Jarreau. Definitely nothing against Stooges Brass Band, which gave the world Trombone Shorty, for whom we are eternally grateful. But we think the festival could use a dose of something more innovative and dangerous, something more of a piece with the boundary-pushing jazz that generations ago petrifi ed the establishment – and that’s what Deep Underground is all about. (That and free beer – at least until the Bold City keg kicks. Get there early.) With Fractal, Audio Awakening and Jamison Williams (pictured), 8 p.m. May 21, 1904 Music Hall, Downtown, free.

Attending a noise show is an exercise in patience. Artists play around with electronic knobs and wires, sometimes performing in front of a projector screen playing TV snow, sometimes just a blank wall. An artist might sing (or growl or whisper), play feedback loops or bang on random objects. With the right artist the effect is strangely hypnotic, and a good set can be both horrifying and beautiful. Duval vets Skizotoxin join Gainesville’s Mass Control to host a night of mindmelting insanity, featuring local legends Scared Rabbits and newcomer Con Rit playing sets with Jamison Williams, who is freakin’ everywhere in this magazine this week. 9 p.m.-midnight May 17, CoRK Arts District East, free.

FOOD TRUCKS JAX TRUCKIES CHAMPIONSHIP

The time has come to push that healthy-eating resolution back one more week and soak up the intoxicating smells and tastes of the city’s finest street eats at the third annual Jax Truckies Food Truck Championship. A local celebrity judging panel rates the cuisine of more than 30 participating trucks, but the coveted People’s Choice Award is up to all you famished Jaxsons. Proceeds from participating voters and a portion of sales from the trucks go toward Big Brothers Big Sisters of Northeast Florida; if you’re going to gorge yourself, you may as well do it for the kids. 4-9 p.m. May 17, The Jacksonville Landing, Downtown, free.

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

INDIE POP TEGAN AND SARA

After 15 years touring and recording, Canadian twin sisters Tegan and Sara Quin have developed their own brand of sentimental, stadium-ready indie-pop incorporating folk, New Wave and synth-punk. Their career hasn’t followed any tidy narratives, though. Originally discovered and signed by Neil Young, their high-profile activism, primarily in support of LGBTQ causes, defines their public personae. But here the 33-year-old twins are, recording The LEGO Movie theme, writing songs for Lisa Loeb and Carly Rae Jepsen, and, later this year, touring with Katy Perry. On the 2013 album Heartthrob, “We actually were thinking, ‘What if we didn’t have any fans and we had to start from scratch and make new fans, how do we reach those people and blow their minds?’ ” Sara told Interview Magazine. Mission accomplished, ladies. With Lucius and The Courtneys, 7 p.m. May 16, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $37.50-$42.

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

A&E // MUSIC

RIDE THE WAVE The five Zen koans of Hawaiian surf folkie Jack Johnson

hen it comes to effortlessness, no one has Jack Johnson beat. The Hawaii-bornand-raised singer-songwriter’s mellow vibe hasn’t change much since 2001, when his debut album, Brushfire Fairytales, swept across college campuses and beachside bars like wildfire. Anchored by amiable acoustic guitars, soothing, subdued vocals, and a personal, playful, yet surprisingly incisive songwriting perspective, Johnson went from perpetually laid-back surf filmmaker to an international sensation in no time. Johnson didn’t let the success affect him a bit. Even as all seven of his studio albums have been certified gold or platinum, Johnson has remained grounded. He enjoys a quiet, private home life with his wife and three kids. He’s spread an environmentally active brand of aloha through two nonprofit organizations. Most important, he’s figured out a way to translate lucrative international success into a vehicle for relaxation, family time and good deeds. Here are five koans that Johnson delivered in his unassuming Zen-like way in a phone interview with Folio Weekly. As the proverb says, “When the pupil is ready to learn, a teacher will appear.”

ballads truly do feel universal — and his more melancholy numbers address ills like greed, war, egotism and environmental degradation to which anyone can relate.

The Giver Should Be Thankful: “Before I started doing the music thing, I ran a surf camp for kids and my wife was in education for years. The Gates of Paradise: “Excuse the cheesiness of So working with kids and education through the comparison, but my life has been this wave the Kokua Foundation and the Johnson Ohana that I’ve tried to ride as naturally as possible.” Charitable Foundation brought it back to what Johnson grew up charmed on surfing’s felt normal to us. It makes the whole music career version of Mecca: the North Shore of Oahu. A make sense. Seeing so many people doing so many member of a multigenerational line of wellregarded surfers, by the time he was 17, Jack had positive things is a nice way to bring some balance become a competitive hotshot, too. But in 1992, to the craziness of it.” a face-first wipeout at Pipeline, a death-defying Johnson’s two wave that breaks close to shore over shallow nonprofits — Kokua coral reef, earned him 150 stitches — and altered focuses on Hawaiian his career trajectory forever. The 17-year-old environmental and decided to attend college at the University of educational issues, California-Santa Barbara, where he majored in while Johnson film production, directing and producing several Ohana awards surf films now regarded as classics. His first money to deserving organizations few songs were actually strictly to soundtrack those projects; luckily, good friends Ben Harper around the world — together have and G. Love loved them so much they featured Johnson on their albums and urged him to write distributed more than $1 million to several hundred worthwhile causes. Johnson calls this and record more of his own material. network of like-minded activists and principles “All at Once,” a social action network that If You Love, Love Openly: “I’m always trying to motivates individuals to become active in their figure out a way to make songs feel personal but communities (and publishes its impact results also general. I change lyrics around; if it’s a song each year). for my wife, I’ll take certain parts out that are just for us and put in stuff that feels more like the How Grass & Trees Become Enlightened: “I truth of being in a relationship for any couple.” never really put out all the stuff we do at home, Johnson’s penned countless odes to his wife, but I realize that if we’re out there talking about Kim, whom he met at UCSB in the ’90s and greening efforts on tour, it’s only fair to know married in 2000; 2001’s childlike “Mudfootball” what we do in our personal lives. We have rain even has a line delivered to the narrator from a girl whose “best friend Kimmy wants to go with barrels — three 500-gallon tanks on top of the house — and we have solar panels on the roof you/So meet her by the sugar mill after school” that charge a little electric Nissan Leaf. Not going (Kim taught math; as Jack says, “I stole her to become my tour manager”). But his sentimental to the gas station is fun, but you always get range

anxiety when you drive that thing. You have to be conservative. I’m really slow — very un-rock star with my driving.” Johnson’s greening efforts stretch back over 10 years, well before it became de rigueur in the touring world: biodiesel transportation, zero waste recycling and composting, CO2 reductions and offset credits, locally grown and organic concession options, the elimination of single-use plastic water bottles. Johnson’s label, Brushfire Records, is even headquartered in a renovated green building that’s insulated with 100 percent post-consumer waste. The Most Valuable Thing in the World: “Lately I’ve been spending more time surfing, especially because my kids are at an age where they like to surf. The more time for that the better. It’s all about giving them a good life.” Johnson used to tour only during the summer so he could be at home in Hawaii for the winter surf season; now he tours only during the summer because his kids are out of school and he gets to take his whole family on the road. Asked about any major artistic goals he still hopes to pursue, he chuckles: “I’ve never been too ambitious with my career. Now that things are established, I’m not really looking to grow much bigger. I’m just looking to maintain the integrity of it all.”

“I’ve never been too ambitious with my career. I’m not really looking to grow much bigger. I’m just looking to maintain the integrity of it all.”

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

JACK JOHNSON with ALO 6:30 p.m. May 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, staugamphitheatre.com

A&E // MUSIC

Jamison Williams

AVANT GUARDIANS We were going to complain about the Jacksonville Jazz Festival’s

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observation: “Repeat offenders playing it safe.” I here’s a lot to be said for the Jacksonville FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE AT offered to write a rant instead. Jazz Festival’s 30-year legacy, but there’s also something that, year after year, always They countered with a proposal that instead seems to be missing — headlining legends of bitching about what wasn’t there, we do who represent one particular, valid, potent, something constructive. They asked me to Produced by _KL Checked by Sa crucial element of jazz music: Whether you call cobble together an event the magazine would PROMISE OF BENEFIT SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION it avant-garde, free jazz or experimental, you sponsor. Within a week, we’d secured a venue, won’t find it here Memorial Day weekend. and every musician I asked to play there agreed. Folio Weekly’s “Deep Underground” The acts playing this free show have throwdown is designed as a corrective to this individually and collectively helped sustain the omission. On May 21, Fractal, Audio Awakening experimental music scene in Northeast Florida. and Jamison Williams perform at 1904 Music The lineup includes Fractal, featuring Buck Hall to celebrate this parallel lineage of jazz. Colson on Warr guitar (a 15-string guitar-bass hybrid) and writer John E. Citrone on drums; Before we talk about that, though, a brief Audio Awakening, with Joe Yorio on alto history lesson: In 1961, multi-instrumentalist flute and electronics/loops, Chris Jackson on Ornette Coleman released Free Jazz, a recording that featured an octet playing the guitar, vibraphone, percussion and loops, Evan first-ever album-length group improvisation. Peterson on percussion, vibraphone and loops, Over the course of 35-plus minutes, the group and Colson and Citrone as the rhythm section; plays around motivic ideas that are in turns and soprano saxophonist Jamison Williams, contemplative and cacophonous, at times in joined by Dan Kozak on reeds, trombonist A.J. the same measure. Baleful, joyous and furious, Herring, double bassist Michael Lanier and the music runs the gamut drummer Bill Henderson. If you have two or more of these problems, chances are you have a condition known as polyfrom a Pentecostal revival A crucial part of the Folio Weekly presents cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is the most common endocrinopathy known – it is to an interplanetary local scene, Williams is DEEP UNDERGROUND: The Unofficial, caused by the excessive production of male hormone by the ovaries. Until male hormone proimplosion. During an example of the level Unauthorized Pre-Jazz Fest Throwdown duction is controlled, recurrent dark hair growth, acne, and weight loss are likely to be the ensuing decade, of musicianship and FRACTAL, AUDIO AWAKENING, problematic. Apart from cosmetic issues - individuals with PCOS are at risk for long term musicians — fellow sax sense of camaraderie JAMISON WILLIAMS medical problems, especially diabetes and heart disease. 8 p.m., May 21, 1904 Music Hall, players John Coltrane among improv players. Downtown, FREE, 1904musichall.com and Albert Ayler, pianists He’s brought more than The Center for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is the first private practice of its kind, Sun Ra and Cecil Taylor, a dozen internationally focusing on the total health concerns of the PCOS patient. Kevin L. Winslow, M.D., Daniel M. trumpeters Bill Dixon and Don Cherry, bassist acclaimed musicians to town, like Brötzmann Duffy, M.D., and Michael L. Freeman, M.D. are Board-Certified Reproductive Endocrinologists, Alan Silva and drummer Milford Graves and Joe McPhee, Eugene Chadbourne, Bonnie Gynecologists who have gone on to do three more years of training in the area of — blasted jazz into a roiling wave centered Jones and Chris Corsano. Williams also founded gynecological endocrine problems – they are uniquely qualified to deal with the medical on spontaneous composition and inventive the artists’ space SoLo+ on Bay Street, a shortneeds of the PCOS patient. The center has a Registered tonalities delivered through innovative lived venue featuring all-improv concerts. Dietitian as well as an experienced techniques on their instruments. “From my perspective,” Williams says, “it Laser Hair Removal Technician. looks as though the city is desperately trying In the subsequent decades, “free jazz” has to maintain a neutral musical and cultural become an antiquated (yet still appropriate) position in this festival, one that’s supported term for artists like John Zorn, William Parker, with huge budgetary potential and an optimal Susie Ibarra, and NYC’s ever-expansive scene, location” — in other words, creating a “smooth Chicago’s AACM collective, and European artists including FMP label’s collective of jazz utopia” Downtown at the expense of more players like Peter Brötzmann. Yet such a list is challenging forms of the genre. limiting; the players set precedents for a nowFor at least one night, at Deep Underground, - A DIVISION OF global, all-inclusive network comprising all you’ll find a whole different kind of jazz utopia FLORIDA INSTITUTE FOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE genders, ethnicities and nationalities inspired Downtown — one heavy on improvisation 14540 Old St. Augustine Rd., Suite 2503 by Coleman’s very same unity, which was and lubricated with free beer (until the Bold Jacksonville, FL 32258 City keg kicks). And if it goes according to mapped out decades earlier. plan, maybe next year the Jazz Fest’s planners A few weeks ago, this magazine’s editors For more information or to learn more about your treatment options call will take notice. emailed me with an offer to write about this year’s Jazz Fest headliners. After reading the Daniel A. Brown schedule, I declined with a surely unwanted mail@folioweekly.com

RUN DATE:

DARK HAIR GROWTH? ACNE? IRREGULAR MENSTRUAL CYCLES? DIFFICULTY LOSING WEIGHT? INFERTILITY?

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MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

A&E // MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

ODESZA, KODAK TO GRAPH, LEGINGE 8 p.m. May 14 at Original CafĂŠ Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, $8, 460-9311. CHER, CYNDI LAUPER 7:30 p.m. May 14 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., $26.50$105.50, 379-5196. MIKE SHACKELFORD, STEVE SHANHOLTZER, EDDY COTTON, TYLER DENNING, LUKE PEACOCK 7:30 p.m. May 14 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. V-8 DEATH CAR, CHIEFORIA, MASTER RADICAL 8 p.m. May 14 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. ARPETRIO 8 p.m. May 14 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $7. ON GUARD, A CALL FOR KYLIE, A BRILLIANT LIE 8 p.m. May 15 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $10, 398-7496. WOODY PINES 9 p.m. May 15 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 353-6067. MICHAEL FEINBERG CD Release Party: GODWIN LOUIS, DANA HAWKINS, JASON PALMER, JULIAN SHORE 9 p.m. May 15 at The Parlour, 200 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455. FRANKIE BALLARD 8 p.m. May 15 at Mavericks at the Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, $12.50-$17.50, 356-1110. HANGMANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S CROWN, GUT THEM LIKE PIGS 8 p.m. May 16 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown, $5, 353-4686. DIGDOG, DANIEL JOHNS, VOODOO ROOSTER 8 p.m. May 16 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. GLADYS KNIGHT 8 p.m. May 16 at T-U Center, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $59-$80, 633-6110. TEGAN & SARA, LUCIOUS, THE COURTNEYS 8 p.m. May 16 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., $35.50, 209-0399. CRAFT BEER FEST: SOMETHING DISTANT, STEPHEN CAREY, DJs 6 p.m. May 16 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 A. Philip Randolph Dr., Downtown, $40, 379-5196. LUMAGROVE, THE DOPAMINE EXPERIENCE 8 p.m. May 16 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, $6. THE GIPSY KINGS 8 p.m. May 16 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, $39-$79, 355-2787. THE WINERY DOGS (BILLY SHEEHAN, MIKE PORTNOY, RICHIE KOTZEN), KILLER ON THE WAY 8 p.m. May 16 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $20, 246-2473. SCREAM OUT LOUD, PALM TREES & POWER LINES, R-DENT, THE OFFER, TREES SETTING FIRES, COME AND REST 7 p.m. May 17 at Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill, $8-$10, 388-3179. CHRIS BOTTI 8 p.m. May 17 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, $35-$75, 355-2787. RIVER CITY ECOFEST AFTERPARTY: S.P.O.R.E., THE MOBROS May 17 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, free. BOONDOX, BUKSHOT, AQUALEO 7 p.m. May 17 at Aqua, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $15, 997-2063. SUNSPOTS, MADDYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TWIN, YANCY CLEGG 8 p.m. May 17 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, $8, 246-2473. MARK WILLIAMS & BLUE HORSE, CIARAN SONTAG, PINE FOREST SCHOOL OF THE ARTS 10:30 a.m. May 17 at Riverside Arts Market, 715 Riverside Ave., free, 389-2449. LYME IN THE SOUTH MUSIC FEST: PAT DINIZIO (THE SMITHEREENS), ALISA TURNER, GREGG KIRK (ZEN ENGINES), LES STROUD (SURVIVORMAN) 3 p.m. May 17 at River City Brewing Company, 835 Museum Cir., Southbank, $15-$25, lymeinthesouth.com. JERRY GARCIA COVER BAND, BRENT BYRD 8 p.m. May 17 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. WILLIE NELSON & FAMILY, ALISON KRAUSS, UNION STATION, JERRY DOUGLAS, THE DEVIL MAKES THREE At 6 p.m. May 18 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., $59.50-$99.50, 209-0367.

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THE WINERY DOGS (RITCHIE KOTZEN, MIKE PORTNOY, BILLY SHEEHAN) KILLER ON THE WAY

THROWBACKS: The 1975â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s self-titled debut LP cherry-picks from influences like Duran Duran and Michael Jackson, yet updates the sound into their own. Ambient, synth-driven dance beats layer over polished guitar riffs and Matt Healyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sincere crooning. The 1975 â&#x20AC;&#x201C; hitting all the stops for the youthful, cuffed-denim target demo on â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sex,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Girlsâ&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;Chocolateâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201C; arrives May 19 at Freebird Live in Jax Beach. ROCK ON THE RIVER: FITZ & THE TANTRUMS, KONGOS, SLEEPER AGENT, WILD CUB, ORWELLS 1 p.m. May 18 at Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, free, 353-1188. CANDY KANE 7:30 p.m. May 18 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. SUPERSUCKERS, GORILLA CANDY, DARKHORSE SALOON 8 p.m. May 18 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $12, 398-7496. THE 1975, THE BAD SUNS, SIR SLY 7 p.m. May 19 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 246-2473. JACK JOHNSON, ALO 6:30 p.m. May 20 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367. DALE CRIDER, DELL SUGGS, BOB PATTERSON 7:30 p.m. May 21 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008. STAGES & STEREOS, DARLING PARADE, THE ORPHAN THE POET, URSA MINOR 7 p.m. May 21 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, $8, 398-7496. FOLIO WEEKLYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DEEP UNDERGROUND: FRACTAL, AUDIO AWAKENING, JAMISON WILLIAMS 7 p.m. May 21 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 N. Ocean St., Downtown, free.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

ANTIQUE ANIMALS May 22, Mellow Mushroom Jax Beach CRANFORD HOLLOW May 22, Jack Rabbits SEAHAVEN, ADVENTURES, FOXING, LOCALS May 22, Underbelly STYX, FOREIGNER, DON FELDER May 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre WORTH ROAD, SUMERLIN, AS WE ARE, RYVLS, 3 KNIGHTS AND A ROSE May 23, Murray Hill Theatre JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: Fusebox Funk, Herd Of Watts, Groove Coalition, The Heavy Pets, Big Something, Squeedlepuss, The Wobbly Toms, Guy & The Yehudas, Goliath Flores, The Dog Apollo, Rickolus, Civil Brute, Jeremiah Johnson, Billy Buchanan, Arvid Smith, Albert Ayler Commemoration May 23, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Manuscript Museum BRENT BYRD, SAVANNA LEIGH BASSETT, JORDYN STODDARD May 24, Riverside Arts Market PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE May 24, Jack Rabbits JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: MOON HOOCH, S.P.O.R.E., LUMAGROVE, DEWARS, FOUR FAMILIES, CANARY IN THE COALMINE, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES, SNAKE

SATURDAY MAY 17

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MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

A&E // MUSIC

THE KNIFE

KNOCK IT OFF, CLUB OWNERS

couple of months ago, I lambasted local musicians with a list of 10 things they should never do [“Knock It Off, Rookie,” March 21]. This week, I lower the crosshairs on club owners and promoters — who, since the advent of the nightclub, have been notorious for not just a few crimes against humanity. A club owner’s job is not an easy one. Nor is that of the club’s bookers or promoters. But one thing has remained constant and reliable throughout the decades of changing tastes and marketing strategies is that live music — actual musicians playing their instruments — always sells. And it should be respected as such. So, here’s a list of 10 club owner don’ts, from a working musician who has spent the better (and worse) part of his life both performing and writing about music. 1. Don’t pay the band less than you promised. Ever. I don’t care if you “didn’t sign a contract.” I don’t care if “the band didn’t bring in the crowd they promised.” I don’t care if your “liquor sales have been tanking lately.” You made a deal, now pay up. Yes, musicians are used to getting screwed because they are horrible at doing business. Most local bands don’t have the luxury of a savvy manager, and when it comes to protecting themselves from shyster club owners, they have little or no recourse. Don’t be that shyster. 2. Don’t pay bands with “stuff.” Sure, a bar tab is great, and more than a few bands will play for free booze. But like you, band members are running a business (or at least they should be). They have expenses that need to be covered, and until crumpled beer cups are considered legit currency, the preferred method is still cash. Some of us consider this a career, and though a free meal might get us through the evening, cash fills up the tank and pays for sticks and strings. 3. Don’t pay the DJ more than you pay bands. It’s an effing insult. In fact, hiring a DJ is an insult to begin with, but since the late-’80s, when house music became a staple in nightclubs, club owners realized instead of paying two or three bands to carry the evening — and risk low numbers — they could pay one person a lower sum and guarantee a horde of mindless zombies drinking and dancing till the wee hours. These days, even the largest festivals have DJ tents, where these masters of musical integrity “spin” songs on digital turntables. It’s the opposite of music. And it’s certainly not “live.” 4. Don’t tell bands to turn it down. This phenomenon is especially prevalent on the cover circuit, but I’ve experienced it in a couple of original music venues as well. The logic is flawed. Hire a band that plays rock-and-roll 22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

through amplifiers, then ask them to “bring it down just a bit, because the bartenders can’t hear to take the orders.” Go to any real city, and this does not happen. Bartenders know the score. The band is loud because people like it that way. Otherwise they’d be in some down-tempo hipster dive chatting about their skinny jeans. 5. Don’t not promote your acts. (Sorry about the double negative, but this is a list of don’ts, is it not?) Too often, club owners forego real promotion of locals, thinking the bands are primarily responsible for promoting themselves. Again, flawed logic. Yes, bands should be passing out fliers and slamming social media with their event invites, but this is a shared responsibility. Scribbling a band’s name in dry erase marker on the mirrored marquee behind the bar is not a viable promotion method. 6. Don’t play faves. Sure, you’ve got your winning bands, the ones that always bring a crowd, the ones that always play your favorite song, the ones whose lead singer cuts your lawn for free. That’s great. But don’t put them in to open for every national act that comes through town. Give an unproven act a chance every once in a while. Who knows? The lead singer might even pet-sit for you. 7. Don’t promote your nephew’s band as if they were GWAR … unless they are GWAR. Nepotism stinks, and in the music business, it stinks like a rotting corpse. Unless your family members or friends are superior to the others on the bill, treat them just like the others on the bill. They need to earn it, just like the rest of us. 8. Don’t trash talk bands to other promoters. If a band has somehow screwed you over — is a consistent no-show, broke expensive equipment, stole a case of beer, etc. — then put the word out. If a band isn’t up to your personal taste standards, fine, don’t hire them again. But just because a band hit your club with a style or swagger you didn’t appreciate, don’t talk smack about them around town. It will bite you on the ass. 9. Don’t hire an unknown band and expect a turnout. All the promotion in the world won’t bring people in to see a brand-new local act. But they depend on you to help them gain a following. So do that. Help them. 10. Don’t hire crappy bands and expect a turnout. Look, some bands just suck. In fact, when they're young, most bands suck. Either help them out and keep your expectations low, or don’t hire them at all. But don’t bring them in and complain when no one shows up — or worse, people walk out. And if you promised them $200, pay them $200. Period. John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

BLOOD REMEDY, COUGAR BARREL, BEAU CRUM & THE WEIGHTED HANDS, CHRISTINA WAGNER, THE SH-BOOMS, MAMA BLUE, SKELETON BROS., GOLIATH FLORES, ALBERT AYLER COMMEMORATION May 24, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Manuscript Museum BOOTSY COLLINS May 25, Mavericks OFF JAZZ CONCERT: MUSIQ SOULCHILD May 25, The Florida Theatre THE ICARUS ACCOUNT, HYDRA MELODY, JOSHUA WICKER, ARBOR PARK May 25, Underbelly JAZZ FEST AFTER DARK: TAMBOR, NAUGHTY PROFESSOR, NOISEBENDER & JOE YORIO, JACKSONVEGAS, PARKER URBAN BAND, MONDO MIKE & THE PO’BOYS, PROJECT IMPROV, WILLIE EVANS JR., PATEN LOCKE, PATRICK EVAN, COALITION, UNIVERSAL GREEN, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, ALL NIGHT WOLVES, RIVERSIDE TUBA QUARTET, TAYLOR ROBERTS, ALBERT AYLER COMMEMORATION May 25, Underbelly, 1904 Music Hall, Burro Bar, Dive Bar, The Volstead, Karpeles Manuscript Museum OLD CROW MEDICINE SHOW May 25, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LUCINDA WILLIAMS May 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall UH HUH HER May 26, Jack Rabbits JACUZZI BOYS May 27, Underbelly MAYDAY! May 27, Jack Rabbits STEEZ CLICK, NATHAN RYAN, PHAT J, JJ DAMON, POTENT DA ROCKSTAR, PINKYKILLA, THROWDOWN KID May 28, Aqua TARRUS RILEY & THE BLACK SOIL BAND, DEAN FRASIER May 29, Freebird Live BLAIR CRIMMONS & THE HOOKERS May 29, Underbelly KEVIN GATES May 29, Aqua LADIES WITH LYRICS: JULIE DURDEN, REBECCA ZAPEN, BRENDA DAVID May 30, Mudville Music Room MARUTA, PANSPERMIA, CUTE & CUDDLY KITTENS, LEPROSY May 30, Burro Bar BREAD & CIRCUS, DANIEL AMEDEE, BETHANY & THE TROUBADOURS, WEEKEND ATLAS, CATALYST May 30, Jack Rabbits DAVID LAREAU & THE COPPERPOTS, NEIL ALDAY & FURTHER SOUTH, SIX TIME LOSERS May 30, Underbelly GENERATOR, PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE, PIPESTONE, A NEW DECREE May 30, Freebird Live TRAVELIN’ LIGHT, DEE ABOOD May 31, Mudville Music Room CHICAGO May 31, Metropolitan Park JESSE MONTOYA, PRETTY POLICE STATE, SPIRAL BOUND, JACOB CREEL May 31, Riverside Arts Market DISPLACE, HOLEY MISS MOLEY May 31, Underbelly U2 BY UV May 31, Freebird Live SWITCHFOOT, THOUSAND FOOT KRUTCH May 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MARUTA, PANSPERMIA, CUTE & CUDDLY KITTENS, LEPROSY May 31, Burro Bar JEREMIAH DALY, COREY KILGANNON, ALEXIS RHODE, SUMMER GOODMAN, JACOB HUDSON May 31, Murray Hill Theatre BUGZY EVANS, ENIGMA, DENNIS LEE, SKRILLA, DJ CAINE, DJ ZEUS May 31, Jack Rabbits THE CRAZY GIRLS, DANKA, PRIME TREES May 31, 1904 Music Hall MATT HIRES, THE WILD AFTER, KYLE COX June 1, Jack Rabbits MONGOLOIDS, RUDE AWAKENING, MODERN PAIN, MEAN STREAK June 2, Underbelly AMERICAN AQUARIUM, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND June 2, Jack Rabbits FOR THE FALLEN DREAMS, OBEY THE BRAVE, I THE BREATHER, REFLECTIONS June 3, Underbelly ANDREW JACKSON JIHAD, CHEAP GIRLS, DOGBRETH June 5, Jack Rabbits SCUM, DMIZE, STATIK OF RX June 6, Aqua WEEZER June 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS, WATER LIARS June 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GRIM ZIPPER TOUR: SCUM, DMIZE, STATIK OF RX June 6, Aqua CHRISTOPHER CROSS June 6, Metropolitan Park KINGS OF HOLLYWOOD TOUR: APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION (GUNS N’ ROSES TRIBUTE), RED & WHITE CRUE (MÖTLEY CRÜE TRIBUTE), POISON’D June 6, Freebird Live ARCHNEMESIS June 6, 1904 Music Hall SONGWRITER’S CIRCLE ANNIVERSARY: LARRY MANGUM, MIKE SHACKELFORD, JAMIE DEFRATES June 7, Mudville Music Room BOSTON June 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre P.S. CANCER SUCKS BENEFIT: PARKRIDGE, ROSEDALE, WINTER WAVE, ATTIS ON THE PINE June 7, Jack Rabbits ANIMALS AS LEADERS, CONQUERING DYSTOPIA, CHON June 8, Murray Hill Theatre PURPLE FEST: G-MAYN-FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, XXII, LEGIT, INFAMOUS June 10, Freebird Live THE PAPER JETS June 10, Jack Rabbits MY LIFE WITH THE THRILL KILL KULT, DJ TOXIC RAINBOW June 10, Underbelly TREEHOUSE!, SUN DRIED VIBES, WHO RESCUED WHO June 11, Jack Rabbits BEARTOE, PALEFACE June 11, Underbelly ACOUSTIC ALCHEMY June 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MOVE LIVE June 12, Florida Theatre FOXY SHAZAM, LARRY & HIS FLASK June 13, Freebird Live

OTTMAR LIEBERT, LUNA NEGRA June 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MIDNITE, 100% ST. CROIX ROOTS June 13, Jack Rabbits THE CORBITT BROTHERS, LEFTY WILLIAMS BAND, APPLEBUTTER EXPRESS June 13, Underbelly FLORIDA COUNTRY SUPERFEST: LUKE BRYAN, JASON ALDEAN, ERIC CHURCH, MIRANDA LAMBERT, FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE, LITTLE BIG TOWN, BIG & RICH, EASTON CORBIN, COLT FORD, JOE NICHOLS June 14-15, EverBank Field AMB, PRAY, RAZORZ EDGE June 14, Aqua SHAUN PEACE BAND June 14, Jack Rabbits ROD MacDONALD June 14, Mudville Music Room COUNTING CROWS, TOAD THE WET SPROCKET June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BANE, CODE ORANGE KIDS, GIVE, RHYTHYM OF FEAR June 15, Underbelly FUTURE June 16, Aqua THE ROUGH & TUMBLE June 17, Burro Bar PLASTIC PLANETS June 17, Jack Rabbits TERRAVITA, J. RABBIT, COMBUSTIBLE June 18, Freebird Live GYPSY STAR, REBECCA ZAPEN June 19, Mudville Music Room GOO GOO DOLLS, DAUGHTRY, PLAIN WHITE T’S June 19, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZOSO (ULTIMATE LED ZEPPELIN EXPERIENCE) June 19, Mavericks HUMMING HOUSE June 19, Jack Rabbits ANDY GRAMMER June 19, Freebird Live OKOA REFUGE BENEFIT: GREY PALUSZYNSKI, BE EASY BAND June 20, Murray Hill Theatre KID SLIM, ZERO CALORIES, CONFESSION KILLS June 20, Jack Rabbits MERCYGIRL, WHOSOEVER SOUTH June 21, Murray Hill Theatre ANDY KING’S SUMMER SOLSTICE SOIREE June 21, Mudville Music Room PAUL McCARTNEY June 22, Veterans Memorial Arena BEN’S MEMORIAL BENEFIT/HOPE FOUNDATION: MR. AL PETE, DIALECTABLE, MJ BAKER, MAS APPEAL, DILLON, FF JB, CHEECH, WILL FRAZIER, JEREMY BAKER June 22, Freebird Live CRANFORD HOLLOW June 25, Jack Rabbits SUMMER HORNS: DAVE KOZ, MINDI ABAIR, GERALD ALBRIGHT, RICHARD ELLIOT June 26, Florida Theatre JIM CARRICK, MAJA GIATANA June 26, Mudville Music Room REBELUTION, IRATION, THE GREEN, STICK FIGURE, DJ MACKLE June 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES (AC/DC TRIBUTE) June 27, Freebird Live SEVEN HANDLE CIRCUS June 27, Jack Rabbits DAVID DONDERO June 28, Shanghai Nobby’s SOSOS June 28, Jack Rabbits THE WOODGRAINS June 29, Jack Rabbits CHRIS HENRY July 3, Mudville Music Room THE PURE ZEPPELIN EXPERIENCE July 4, Freebird Live GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH, WET NURSE July 5, Underbelly BACKTRACK, HARM’S WAY, EXPIRE, TURNSTILE, SUBURBAN SCUM, DOWNPRESSER, IRON MIND, FREEDOM July 6, Underbelly LEGIT, G MAYN FROST, ASKMEIFICARE, ALCATRAZ, PINKYKILLA, SYLENT VYLENTZ July 12, Freebird Live DAVE MATTHEWS BAND July 15, Veterans Memorial Arena RAY LAMONTAGNE, JENNY LEWIS, THE BELLE BRIGADE July 15, The Florida Theatre JEREMY MESSERSMITH July 18, Jack Rabbits ALL NEW ATMOSPHERE July 20, Jack Rabbits AMERICAN IDOL LIVE! July 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre OPOSSUMHOLLER, POOR RICHARDS, THE SENSES, SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY July 24, Jack Rabbits CULTURAL PROFETICA July 25, Freebird Live YING YANG TWINS July 25, Jack Rabbits EMMYLOU HARRIS July 26, T-U Center SARA BAREILLES July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FALL OUT BOY, NEW POLITICS July 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE SOULSHINE TOUR: MICHAEL FRANTI & SPEARHEAD, SOJA, BRETT DENNEN, TREVOR HALL July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GAVIN DEGRAW, MATT NATHANSON July 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DIRTY HEADS, PEPPER, AER Aug. 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ELLIS PAUL, DONNY BRAZILE Aug. 8, Original Café Eleven ULTIMATE ELVIS BASH Aug. 9, The Florida Theatre CROSBY, STILLS & NASH Aug. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ROCK ’N’ BLUES FEST: JOHNNY WINTER BAND, EDGAR WINTER BAND, VANILLA FUDGE, PETER RIVERA (RARE EARTH), KIM SIMMONDS (SAVOY BROWN) Aug. 14, The Florida Theatre PANIC! AT THE DISCO, WALK THE MOON, YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE Aug. 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THE FRESH BEAT BAND Aug. 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre THREE DOORS DOWN ACOUSTIC Sept. 7, Florida Theatre ZZ TOP, JEFF BECK Sept. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CONNECTION FESTIVAL: KERMIT RUFFINS & THE BBQ SWINGERS, LESS THAN JAKE, SURFER BLOOD, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, TREME BRASS BAND, ORQUESTRA EL MACABEO, LA QUILOMBERA, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS

A&E // MUSIC HEROES, JACKIE STRANGER, WEEKEND ATLAS, NORTHE, EGO KILLER, JAH ELECT & THE I QUALITY BAND, UNIVERSAL GREEN, ORANGE AIR, ALEXIS RHODE, RYVLS, PROFESSOR KILMURE, RUFFIANS, THE GOOTCH, ASKMEIFICARE, DIRTY AUTOMATIC, WOVEN IN, GARRETT ON ACOUSTIC, TOM BENNETT BAND, MONDO MIKE & THE PO BOYS, ARTILECT, OSCAR MIKE, KANA KIEHM, PARKER URBAN BAND, KNOCK FOR SIX, NEVER ENDING STRUGGLE Sept. 12-14, Downtown Jacksonville 1964: THE TRIBUTE (BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND) Sept. 13, The Florida Theatre SHERYL CROW Sept. 14, The Florida Theatre KYLE KINANE Sept. 24, Jack Rabbits MOTLEY CRUE, ALICE COOPER Oct. 19, Veterans Memorial Arena CROWDER, ALL SONS & DAUGHTERS, CAPITAL KINGS Oct. 19, Christâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Church, Greenland LOS LONELY BOYS Oct. 21, The Florida Theatre ANJELAH JOHNSON Oct. 24, The Florida Theatre CELTIC THUNDER Nov. 15, The Florida Theatre JOE BONAMASSA Dec. 16, The Florida Theatre ARLO GUTHRIE ALICEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S RESTAURANT MASSACREE Jan. 29, The Florida Theatre

CLUBS AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH

DAVIDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049 John Springer every Tue.-Wed. Aaron Bing every Fri. & Sat. DOG STAR TAVERN, 10 N. Second St., 277-8010 Working Class Stiff at 9:30 p.m. every Tue. PALACE SALOON, 117 Centre St., 491-3332 Buck Smith every Tue. THE SURF, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 491-8999 Brent Byrd at 6 p.m. on May 15. Brett Foster on May 20. DJ Roc every Wed. Honey Badgers every Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

MVPâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SPORTS GRILLE, 12777 Atlantic Blvd., 221-1090 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFE, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores at 8 p.m. every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave., 387-3582 DJ Keith every

Tue. DJ Free every Fri. DJ SuZi-Rok every Mon. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200 DiCarlo Thompson on May 18. Live music every Sat. MOJO NO. 4, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670 Wes Cobb 10 p.m. on May 23. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

BEACHES

(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) 200 FIRST STREET, Courtyard, Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Tala at 7:30 p.m. on May 16 BILLYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BOATHOUSE, 2321 Beach Blvd., 241-9771 Jimi Graves at 5:30 p.m. on May 15. 4Play at 6 p.m. on May 16. Live music every Thur., Fri. & Sun. CANTINA MAYA, 1021 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-3227 Live music May 16-19 CASA MARINA HOTEL, 691 First St. N., 270-0025 Charlie Walker at 2 p.m. on May 18 CULHANEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Cloud 9 at 6:30 p.m. on May 17. Irish music 6:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 8535680 Dirty Gringos at 10 p.m. on May 16. Red Beard & Stinky E 10 p.m. every Thur. Darren Corlew 1:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 E. Sailfish Dr., Atlantic Beach, 246-4293 Wes Cobb every Thur. Charlie Walker every Mon. FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 The Winery Dogs, Billy Sheehan, Mike Portnoy, Richie Kotzen, Killer on the Way at 8 p.m. on May 16. Sunspots, Maddyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Twin, Dorian Nins, Yancy Clegg at 8 p.m. on May 17. The 1975, The Bad Suns, Sir Sly at 7 p.m. on May 19. Leftover Salmon May 23 ISLAND GIRL CIGAR BAR, 108 First St., Neptune Beach, 372-0943 Live music every Fri. & Sat. JAXON SOCIAL, 1161 Beach Blvd., 595-5660 DiCarlo Thompson at 9 p.m. on May 17. Live music every Sat. LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024 The Mobros at 9 p.m. on May 16. Open mic every Wed. Matt Still every Thur. LYNCHâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Who Rescued Who at 10 p.m. on May 16 & 17. Barrett Jockers every Wed. Split Tone every Thur. Dirty Pete every Sun. Be Easy every Mon. Ryan Campbell every Tue. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 N. Third St., 246-1500 Herd of Watts on May 15. Wayback Whensday on May 16. Ivey West on May 17. Paul Miller on May 21. Antique Animals on May 22 MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573 Neil Dixon 6-8 p.m. every Tue. Gypsies

Ginger 6-9 p.m. every Wed. Mike Shackelford & Steve Shanholtzer 6-8 p.m. every Thur. MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Live music every Fri. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Cloud 9 at 7 p.m. on May 14. King Eddie & Pili Pili at 6 p.m. on May 15. MaryAnn Hawkins & Blue Flame at 6 p.m. on May 16. Fat Cactus on May 18. Leslie Baptiste at 6 p.m. on May 20. Live music every Wed.-Sun. NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 372-4105 Billy Bowers at 7:30 p.m. on May 16 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877 Billy Bowers at 7 p.m. on May 14. Splinters on May 15. Boogie Freaks at 9 p.m. on May 16. Oversized Load at 9 p.m. on May 17. Smith & Dixon on May 18 THE SHIM SHAM ROOM, 333 First St. N., 372-0781 Live music every Mon. & Thur. DJ Nick Fresh every Fri. WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 247-4508 Rhythm Remedy 7-11 p.m. on May 15

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. Arpetrio at 8 p.m. on May 14. Lumagrove, The Dopamine Experience at 8 p.m. on May 16. River City EcoFest Afterparty: S.P.O.R.E., The Mobros May 17. Folio Weekly's Deep Underground: Fractal, Audio Awakening, Jamison Williams at 7 p.m. on May 21. Live music every Thur.-Sat. & Mon. BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St., 353-4686 V-8 Death Car, Chieforia, Master Radical at 8 p.m. on May 14. Gators in the Sawgrass at 8 p.m. on May 15. Hangmanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Crown, Gut Them Like Pigs at 8 p.m. on May 16. Nature Boy Explorer on May 20. Live music every Wed.-Sat. DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ NickFresh 9 p.m. every Sat. FIONN MacCOOLâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 5-8 p.m. May 14. Braxton Adamson 5-8 p.m., Chris C4 Mann 8:30 p.m. May 16. Ron Perry Duo 8:30 p.m. May 17. Spade McQuade 5-8 p.m. May 21 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 Cassidy Kinsman at 10 a.m., Rion Paige, Jamie Davis 8 p.m.-1 a.m. on May 16. Cover to Cover 8 p.m.-1 a.m. on May 17. Rock on the River: Fitz & the Tantrums, Kongos, Sleeper Agent, Wild Cub, Orwells at 1 p.m. on May 18. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MARKâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Roy Luis every Wed. DJ Vinn Thur. DJ 007 every Fri. Bay Street every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 2 Independent Dr., 356-1110

WEDNESDAY Billy Bowers THURSDAY Splinters FRIDAY Boogie Freaks SATURDAY Oversized Load SUNDAY Smith & Dixon Atlantic Blvd. at the Ocean "UMBOUJD #FBDI t

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

A&E // MUSIC Frankie Ballard at 8 p.m. on May 15. Joe Buck, Big Tasty every Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 353-6067 Woody Pines at 9 p.m. on May 15

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Live music every Fri. & Sat. WHITEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Fat Cactus 9:30 p.m. on May 16 & 17. The Crazy Daysies 5-9 p.m. on May 18. Open mic 9 p.m. every Thur. Deck music at 5 p.m. every Fri. & Sat., 4:30 p.m. Sun. DJ BG every Mon.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFFâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Rosco Caine at 9 p.m. on May 16 & 17. Live music every Wed., Fri. & Sat. Open mic every Tue. SALSAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 13500 Beach Blvd., 992-8402 Live guitar music 6-9 p.m. every Tue. & Sat.

MANDARIN, JULINGTON

GATORS DOCKSIDE, 485 S.R. 13 N., Ste. 1, 230-4353 Bonnie & Clyde Duo 2-6 p.m. on May 17. Bonnie & Clyde open mic 2-6 p.m. on May 18 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine, 880-3040 Open mic: Synergy 8 p.m. every Wed. Worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Most Talented Waitstaff 9 p.m. every Fri. MONKEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S UNCLE, 10503 San Jose Blvd., 260-1349 XHale at 10 p.m. on May 17

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells, 272-5959 John Michael every Wed.-Sat. PREVATTâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 DJ Tammy 9 p.m. every Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 The Gootch 10 p.m. on May 16 & 17. DJ Big Mike 10 p.m. every Thur. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

PONTE VEDRA, PALM VALLEY

PUSSERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S GRILLE, 816 A1A N., 280-7766 Aaron Koerner 6 p.m. May 14. King Eddie & Pili Pili at 6 p.m. on May 16. Jimmy Parrish & the Waves at 3 p.m. on May 18. Lance Neely May 21. Live music every Wed.-Sun. TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., Ste. 208, 280-5515 Deron Baker at 6

JAX BEACH SUNDAY Spade McQuade 6-9 pm MONDAY 9pm Back from the Bring TUESDAY ,JET OJHIU BDUJWJUJFT t LJET NFBM VOEFS

Karaoke 9 pm (SFBU %SJOL 4QFDJBMT -BUF OJHIU .FOV WEDNESDAY 3PDL 4UBS +BN BN t -BEJFT /JHIU THURSDAY British Invasion Music Extravaganza FRIDAY-SATURDAY i)PNF PG UIF 8PSME T .PTU 5BMFOUFE 8BJU 4UBGGw %JOOFS 4IPX .VTJD &YUSBWBHBO[B QN $MPTF

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

p.m. on May 14. Gary Starling Jazz Band on May 15. Paxton & Mike at 7:30 p.m. on May 16. Wes Cobb at 7:30 p.m. on May 17. Jesse Cruce 6 p.m. on May 21. Live music every Wed.-Sat.

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

KICKBACKS, 910 King St., 388-9551 Ray & Taylor 8:30 p.m. every Thur. Robby Shenk every Sun. MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 Arbor Park, The First Week of August, Leah Sykes, Alexis Rhodes, Caledonia String Band at 6 p.m. on May 16. Scream Out Loud, Palm Trees & Power Lines, R-Dent, The Offer, Trees Setting Fires, Come and Rest at 7 p.m. on May 17. Live music every Fri. & Sat. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Mark Williams & Blue Horse, Ciaran Sontag, Pine Forest School of the Arts starting at 10:30 a.m. on May 17

ST. AUGUSTINE

ANN Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;MALLEYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, 23 Orange St., 825-4040 Chance Gardner at 8:30 p.m. on May 16. Strumstick 8:30 p.m. May 17. The Skinny 4 p.m. May 18. Open mic with Smokin Joe every Tue. CAFE ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311 Odesza, Kodak to Graph, LeGinge at 8 p.m. on May 14 CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Midlife Crisis on May 16. Ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Too Proud To Beg on May 17. Vinny Jacobs at 2 p.m. on May 18 THE CONCH HOUSE, 57 Comares Ave., 829-8646 Mystic Dino & Reggae SWAT Team 3-7 p.m. on May 18 HARRYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SEAFOOD, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765 Billy Bowers 6 p.m. on May 21 KINGFISH GRILL, 252 Yacht Club Dr., 824-2111 Vinnie Jacobs 6 p.m. May 15. Mountain Shore at 7 p.m. on May 16. Mario Peral at 5 p.m. on May 18 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040 Wharf Ratz on May 16. Live music every Fri. MILL TOP TAVERN & LISTENING ROOM, 19-1/2 St. George St., 829-2329 Brent Byrd at 9 p.m. on May 14. One Plus One at 9 p.m. on May 16 & 17. John Winters at 1 p.m. on May 18. Aaron Esposito 9 p.m. every Thur. David Strom at 9 p.m. every Mon. Donny Brazile at 9 p.m. every Tue. SANGRIAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S, 35 Hypolita St., 827-1947 Live music at 8 p.m. every Thur. TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Live music 9 p.m. May 16 & 17. Matanzas every Sun.-Thur. Elizabeth Roth every Sat. Keith Godwin & the Rio Grande Band every Sun.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

BLACKFINN GRILLE, 4840 Big Island Dr., 345-3466 Live music 5 p.m. every Wed., 9 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., 493-9305 Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 On Guard, A Call for Kylie, A Brilliant Lie on May 15. Digdog, Daniel Johns, Voodoo Rooster at 8 p.m. on May 16. Jerry Garcia Band Cover Band, Brent Byrd at 8 p.m. on May 17. Supersuckers, Gorilla Candy, Darkhorse Saloon at 8 p.m. on May 18. Stages & Stereos, Darling Parade, The Orphan The Poet, Ursa Minor at 7 p.m. on May 21 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer, Eddy Cotton, Tyler Denning, Luke Peacock at 7:30 p.m. May 14. Laurie Ryder, Meredith Rae, Jesse Montoya at 7:30 p.m. on May 17. Candy Kane on May 18. Dale Crider, Dell Suggs, Bob Patterson at 7:30 p.m. on May 21 THE PARLOUR, 2000 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455 Michael Feinberg CD Release Party, Godwin Louis, Dana Hawkins, Jason Palmer, Julian Shore at 9 p.m. on May 15. Harry A Happening at 9 p.m. on May 16. Toots Lorraine & the Traffic at 9:30 p.m. on May 17 RIVER CITY BREWING COMPANY, 835 Museum Circle, 398-2299 Lyme in the South Music Fest: Les Stroud, Pat DiNizio (of The Smithereens), Alisa Turner, Gregg Kirk (of Zen Engines) at 3 p.m. on May 17

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

AQUA, 11000 Beach Blvd., 997-2063 Boondox, Bukshot, Crucifix, Aqualeo at 7 p.m. on May 17 ISLAND GIRL, 7860 Gate Pkwy., Ste. 115, 854-6060 Live music every Fri. & Sat. LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 VJ Didactic at 9 p.m. on May 15. Freemix at 9 p.m. on May 16. The Ride at 9 p.m. on May 17. Live music every Thur.-Sat. MY PLACE BAR & GRILL, 9550 Baymeadows Rd., 737-5299 Aaron Sheeks on May 14. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Call Me Shirley on May 16. Roger That on May 17. Fat Cactus every Mon. Chuck Nash every Tue. WILD WING CAFE, 4555 Southside Blvd., 998-9464 Chris Brinkley on May 14. Chilly Rhino on May 15. Kurt Lanham, Second Shot on May 16. Love Monkey on May 17 WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929 Evan at 8 p.m. on May 15. Derrick Dorsey Band at 9 p.m. on May 16. One Hit Wonder at 9 p.m. on May 17 WXYZ BAR, 4812 Deer Lake Dr. W., 998-4448 DJ Bizzi at 8 p.m. every other Fri.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HWY. 17 ROADHOUSE, 850532 U.S. 17, Yulee, 225-9211 Live music every Fri. & Sat. RAZZLES SPORTS BAR, 8209 W. Beaver St., 562-8487 River City Kats at 7 p.m. on May 14. Ace Winn on May 18 THREE LAYERS COFFEEHOUSE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Open mic at 7 p.m. on May 15. Mama Blue on May 20. Live music every Sat.

Want to see your bandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s concert dates listed here? Email all the details â&#x20AC;&#x201C; date, time, venue, ticket /admission price and the band name (of course; duh) â&#x20AC;&#x201C; to djohnson@folioweekly.com or mdryden@folioweekly.com. Deadline is 4 p.m. Friday.

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THE ONE WHO KNOCKS The King of All Monsters goes

on destroying, oblivious to all those pesky humans

t’s been 60 years since Ishirô Honda unleashed Godzilla, his cinematic metaphor for the dangers of nuclear weapons upon the world. As timescales for reboots go, two generations sounds about right. (We’re going to pretend that 1998 did not happen.) And 2014’s simply, elegantly titled Godzilla goes about updating the King of All Monsters for the 21st Century in ways that work beautifully and have moved in tandem with the global zeitgeist. Hollywood’s tedious myopia means the movie as a whole isn’t quite so beautiful, and that’s a problem, but it only prevents this incarnation from approaching masterpiece status — it still keeps its B-movie fabulousness. Instead of nukes, global warming is the bugaboo behind today’s monster. Oh, no one speaks the phrase “climate change,” but that’s what this Godzilla is all about: a natural world that is so utterly oblivious to us, it doesn’t even notice us as it destroys our coastal cities, our nuclear power plants, our beautiful infrastructure. We are as gnats to nature — and that should scare us more than any made-up monster ever could. There’s a slyness in how the script — by Max Borenstein and Dave Callaham — sneaks up on its metaphor. See, Dr. Ichiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) works with a secret research group that’s been studying Godzilla since the 1950s, when all those nuke “tests” in the Pacific were actually attempts to kill the damn thing. Now, Ichiro is overseeing a project at a destroyed Japanese nuclear power plant where they’ve got some sort of cocoon or egg or … well, it’s nasty and enormous and clearly not something we should be poking with a stick. “Why don’t they just kill it?” you find yourself wondering (in between the geeky desire to get closer, of course). Turns out, Ichiro is way ahead of us. To no avail. And he’s the expert here. The less you know about what happens next, the better. My jaw dropped more than once, in between nerdy giggles of delight. Director Gareth Edwards — who wowed us with his indie wonder Monsters — clearly loves him some Spielberg, and without being slavishly imitative, he evokes both Jurassic Park and Close Encounters of the Third Kind here. Not in any way that you can pin down: It’s not that

GODZILLA

***G Rated PG-13 • Opens May 16

he’s swiping plot points or visuals, but a sense of wonder and that sense of “I knew capital-T They were hiding something!”, Edwards hides more than he reveals, with the major monster action happening at night, enshrouded in dust, smoke and fog. He knows there’s far more geeky titillation in letting our imaginations do as much work as the CGI is doing. The only real disappointments in this are the humans. There’s little that’s fresh in them, and it’s only the charms of the cast that elevate them above cardboard. Any of the three plotdriving characters here — Bryan Cranston’s nuclear-engineer-turned-monster-conspiracytheorist Joe Brody, Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Ford, his soldier son, and Watanabe as the monster scientist — could’ve easily switched places with the women who thanklessly support them: Juliette Binoche’s nuclear scientist Sandra Brody, Elizabeth Olsen’s nurse Elle Brody and Sally Hawkins’ monster scientist Vivienne Graham. There’s no guarantee, of course, that giving a significant monsterbattling role to a woman would have made the human drama any more intriguing, but maybe the teensy bit of thinking out of the boys’ box that would have required might have jarred one of the two male screenwriters into writing something new. Still. There’s good stuff here. Not just in the cool monster FX, but in the underlying attitude. I like the idea that the cool military hardware on display might be repurposed for something not involving killing other human beings. Of course, it’s being repurposed in an effort to restore a balance to nature we unbalanced in the first place — and the rebalancing might be beyond us. Godzilla doesn’t have a lot of sympathy for humanity on the whole, but what’s really scary is, even when it looks rather kindly on Godzilla, Godzilla still doesn’t seem to see us at all. MaryAnn Johanson mail@folioweekly.com

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A&E // MOVIES

Photo: Sony Pictures Classic

LONGEVITY SUCKS An otherwise mesmerizing movie about long-lived vampires suffers from being too long itself

the film a delicious time-travel tone. By day, o live forever: Ah, the things one would they sleep, listen to vinyl and embrace the see. The premise just reeks of cinematic potential, yet few vampire films successfully lifestyle of a “suicidally romantic scoundrel.” The first 60 minutes are among the best capture both the magic and melancholy that the genre has ever seen must accompany the outside of Vampyr, blessing — and curse — ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE Carl Theodor Dreyer’s of immortality. Director**@@ 1932 masterpiece, and writer Jim Jarmusch’s Rated R • Opens May 23 actually make you Only Lovers Left Alive forget you’re watching a does just that, offering up a haunting, unique addition to the genre before vampire flick. But then two unfortunate things happen: Eve’s sister, Ava, visits the two lovers collapsing in the second half under its own and completely alters the film’s chemistry, and slow pacing, two-hour runtime and almost Jarmusch, in an apparent display of total lack of energy and plot. screenwriting overconfidence, give us virtually Adam is not your typical vampire. He nothing in the overly long second half. Sure, doesn’t bite people or long to seduce his there are subplots involving Ava and Marlowe, next victim. That’s all so medieval to him. but by the time the credits roll, the eerie mood Instead, he stays secluded in a derelict Detroit and originality have faded away. mansion, composing music, bemoaning what “zombies” (humans) have done to civilization The stellar cast cannot be blamed for the and yearning for the good old days of the failings. Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton Renaissance — or even the comparatively are perfect as Adam and Eve, and John Hurt is enlightened 1960s. He has but three regular memorable as Marlowe. Even Jeffrey Wright, acquaintances: a doctor he bribes for blood, in a tiny but well-written part as the doctor, is a devoted gopher whom he trusts to run superbly comic in a deliciously dark way. Mia errands, and the love of his life. The love (Eve Wasikowska, as Ava, isn’t as effective but still to his Adam, literally), a vampire herself, lives does what the script demands. in Morocco, and is a close friend of another Only Lovers is on par with Jarmusch’s Down eternal dweller, Christopher Marlowe — yes, by Law, which also failed to capitalize on its that Marlowe. considerable strengths. If you liked that one, or Adam and Eve (who comes to visit him) love all things vampire, this may just be your don’t flaunt their supernatural abilities. Instead, cup of hemoglobin. Even for me, only halfthey almost wallow in them, helped along heartedly drawn to the genre, the film’s allure visually by the film’s slow fades and swirling was difficult to resist. Yet after the tedium of the overhead shots. By night, they roam the real second 60 minutes, I was drained dry. Cameron Meier ruins of a formerly great American city, making mail@folioweekly.com us also fear for the fate of the world and giving 26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

A&E // MOVIES

MAGIC LANTERNS

HORROR HAS A NEW NAME

“I

have seen the future of horror, and his name is Clive Barker,” Stephen King was famously quoted as saying upon the publication of Barker’s Books of Blood in the mid-1980s. I might say the same about British filmmaker Ben Wheatley, whose four films in the last five years mark him as one of the most exciting, imaginative talents within and beyond the horror genre today. Each of Wheatley’s films is difficult to categorize. His initial effort, Down Terrace (2009), is funny, dark, shocking and violent — an almost-claustrophobic look at a dysfunctional criminal family on the lower-middle-class edge of urban Brighton. Co-written by Robin Hill, who plays opposite his real-life father in their real family home, Down Terrace turns the usual gangster film on its head. Imagine a collaboration between Ken Loach and Martin Scorsese, and you might get an inkling of Down Terrace, an auspicious debut indeed. Wheatley himself has categorized Kill List (2011) as a horror film, but pigeonholing it in a genre is a disservice to the film’s uniqueness. At the start, it might seem another domestic drama, but Kill List soon catapults its protagonists (and us) into a world of violence where no one and nothing is what it seems. Its two likable hit men, one a devoted family man, the other newly lovelorn, embark on an assignment to eliminate a list of undesirables, WORST. ANIMATED. FLICK. EVER. The ultimate retread of a retread, Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return” is the animated musical sequel, written not by L. Frank Baum but by his greatincluding a priest and a minister of Parliament. grandson Roger Stanton Baum. The combined voice talent of Lea Michele, Kelsey Grammer, Dan Akroyd and Martin Short can’t rescue this one. Photo: Clarius Entertainment Co-written by Wheatley and his wife, Amy Jump, Kill List defies expectations in terms of FADING GIGILO solo Rhino flick? Maybe Marc Webb has committed a Rated R plot. Eerie, comic, violent and disturbing, think colossal blunder in rushing toward a Sinister Six movie and **** MIDNIGHT COWBOY Writer/director John Turturro also costars in this quirky film maybe he hasn’t – and maybe we should all just judge for Pulp Fiction meets The Wicker Man and you’re ***@ AMERICAN GIGILO about Murray (Woody Allen) and Floravante (Turturro), New ourselves. — Steve Schneider in the ballpark. **@@ LESS THAN ZERO Yorkers who co-own a bookstore on the verge of closing. For his next film, like Down Terrace, *@@@ DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO In an effort to make some fast cash to keep the store open, BEARS Murray pimps out Floravante, who does not appear to be Rated G Wheatley begins with protagonists who the kind of boy toy any woman (or man) would actually Disney takes us on a fascinating documentary voyage into start out as ordinary likable losers of the fork over big bucks for – yet, to their astonishment, the the world of those cuddly, hirsute homosexuals just looking lower-middle class. Sightseers (2012), again money starts rolling in. Well, as Notorious B.I.G. so wisely for love and acceptance in … oh, wait. It’s about actual co-written with Jump, is about a man who MOONLIGHT MOVIES intoned, “Mo’ money, mo’ problems.” (Biggie, who made a bears. With claws and stuff. Toughing it out in Alaska. Hey, The 13th annual Moonlight Movies Series screens free lot of money, is now dead.) The supporting cast, lousy with that could be interesting, too. Remember, they can see rescues his girlfriend from the clutches of her family-friendly hits The Sandlot at 9 p.m. on May 16 and nepotism, includes Vanessa Paradis, Liev Schreiber, Sharon Russia! John C. Reilly narrates. — S.S. domineering, bedridden mother by taking Spider-Man 2 at 9 p.m. on May 23 at SeaWalk Pavilion, Keep-Your-Legs-Crossed Stone, Sofia Vergara, John’s her on a road trip to see the sights of rural Jax Beach. Bring a lawn chair or blanket and a picnic; cousin Aida Turturro, Aida’s second cousin Diego Turturro BRICK MANSIONS England. Things quickly get predictably bloody popcorn, candy and beverages are available. No alcohol, and the goddamn adorable Bob Balaban. — M.D. Rated PG-13 skateboards, bicycles, glass or animals (except qualified The late Paul Walker’s penultimate fi lm takes place in “a in unpredictable ways. In no way a horror service animals). jacksonvillebeach.org GOD’S NOT DEAD dystopian Detroit,” which has to be the redundancy of the film except for the violence, Sightseers, like Rated PG month. But dig this: It’s not just any old dystopian Detroit Wheatley’s prior two films, relies heavily on SUN-RAY CINEMA Josh Wheaton (Shane Harper) is a college student having like you see on the news or in a Robocop movie, but a characterization and psychology. The unusual The Amazing Spider-Man 2 and Fading Gigolo are screened trouble in philosophy class. Professor Radisson (Kevin walled-off dystopian Detroit that’s a holding cell for the at Sun-Ray Cinema, 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, Sorbo) doesn’t believe there is a God, shaking Josh’s faith. area’s most dangerous criminals. Helluva creative spin, plotting is important, of course, but like all sunraycinema.com. Mile High: The Comeback of Cannabis Costars Dean Cain and Willie Robertson. — M.D. right? Unless you count that the fl ick is a remake of the of Wheatley’s films so far, the narrative is is screened on May 14. TV series Cosmos is shown at 9 French District B13, which as The Guardian pointed out, secondary to character. Think Natural Born p.m., Mad Men at 10 p.m. every Sunday; check with the GODZILLA was in turn “wantonly ripped off from John Carpenter’s Killers on Vacation. theater for updates. ***@ Escape From New York.” But hey – at least it’s not a sequel! Rated PG-13 Costars David Belle and RZA. — S.S. Wheatley’s most recent film, A Field in LATITUDE 30 MOVIES Reviewed in this issue. England (2013), has the most intriguing Need for Speed and Mr. Peabody & Sherman are screened CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER concept of all. Unfortunately, it’s also his least at Latitude 30’s CineGrille Theater, 10370 Philips Highway, ***G successful to date. Shot in black-and-white, Southside, 365-5555, facebook.com/latitude30. THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL Rated PG-13 **G@ Steve Rogers (Chris Evans), aka Captain America, hasn’t with a script attributed solely to his wife, A WGHF IMAX THEATER Rated R had time to cope with after-effects of one-way time travel, Field in England is set in the 1700s during the The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Island of Lemurs: Madagascar Director Wes Anderson guides a great ensemble in this, The via cryonic sleep, from the 1940s to the 2010s, but he’s Civil War between Cromwell and the Cavaliers. 3D, Great White Shark 3D and Born to Be Wild 3D are Twee-est Story Ever Told, including Edward Norton, Saoirse starting to face his disconnect. Costars Samuel L. Jackson Despite the grand scope, the movie focuses screened at World Golf Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, 1 World Ronan, Bill Murray, the goddamn adorable Bob Balaban, and Scarlett Johansson. And Stan Lee! — Marlene Dryden Golf Place, St. Augustine, worldgolfimax.com. Adrien Brody, Willem Dafoe, Jason Schwartzman and Owen on a handful of characters wandering across a Wilson. The com-dram, about Gustave H (Ralph Fiennes), DIVERGENT remote field who become involved in a deadly concierge of an elegant European hotel, is largely told by Rated PG-13 contest of magic and alchemy. Elliptical to the 1960s version of lobby boy Zero Moustafa (F. Murray Beatrice Prior (Shailene Woodley) is labeled a Divergent, a fault (comic, bizarre and violent), the film Abraham) about his time at the hotel and the madcap a group of misfits considered so dangerous that their adventures he and Gustave had. — M.D. destruction is being plotted. So she hooks up with another nearly defies rational analysis. Nonetheless, it is THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 **@@ outcast – Four (Theo James), who’s really just one person. visually arresting and intellectually intriguing, Rated PG-13 A HAUNTED HOUSE 2 Costars Kate Winslet, Ashley Judd and Zoe Kravitz. — M.D. well worth the time for viewers interested in This one’s gotten all kinds of fanboy guff for more than a Rated R unusual, challenging fare. year now, with complaints ranging from an overstuffed cast If you’re in the mood for a sendup of supernatural verité, DRAFT DAY of villains (Spider-Man 3, anyone?) to the allegedly cheap, you might want to think about saving your cash for a while Rated PG-13 Ben Wheatley is an authentic original Here in J-ville, we love Draft Day – every year, there’s a cut-sceney look of the FX to the utter unreality of casting instead of blowing it on Marlon Wayans’ latest round of whose films transcend the usual definitions of chance to get some awesome players added to our already a black actor in the role of a guy who throws thunderbolts colon jokes masquerading as genre parody. It’s your choice, genre. I can’t wait to see what he does next. awesome Jaguars roster. (And now it could be a dream come from his body. (Don’t worry, kids: Cliven Bundy understands of course. I’m just saying that, sometimes, the devil you

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NOW SHOWING

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

your concerns, even if the rest of us are more concerned that Jamie Foxx’s take on Max Dillon seems to owe a lot to Jim Carrey’s Edward Nygma in Batman Forever.) Sure, there’s a precedent for comics flicks sacrificing story to ensemble, but really – was anybody holding out for that

true! Welcome to River City, Bortles, you beautiful hunk of man flesh, you.) Costars Kevin Costner, Chadwick Boseman, Jennifer Garner, Deion Sanders, Aaron Goldhammer and Chris Berman. — M.D.

know is still a dickweed. — S.S. HEAVEN IS FOR REAL Rated PG Have you noticed that this seems to be the season of the

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

beatifi c death-where-is-thy-sting story? On TV, you’ve got your Resurrection, which offers the helpful reassurance that your Uncle Max who farts at the Thanksgiving table will be keep on coming back even after his ticker craps out from all that breading. And in the theaters, you’ve got Heaven is For Real, a Greg Kinnear pay-it-upward vehicle based on the best-selling book about a kid who died for a bit and came around bearing all sorts of details about the Great Beyond. Personally, I prefer my tales of life after death to star zombies and vampires, but I understand why there need to be other-side stories for people who will only accept immortality if it follows in the tradition of Jeebus. Still, what I wouldn’t pay to see Dead is Dead and That’s Your Lot, starring Ricky Gervais and financed by the Atheist Alliance of America. — S.S. JODOROWSKY’S DUNE ***@ Rated PG-13 Alejandro Jodorowsky, the iconoclastic director of hallucinatory surrealist films El Topo and The Holy Mountain, gets the full-on fanboy documentary treatment as director Frank Pavich chronicles the 85-year-old Chilean filmmaker’s failed quest to film Frank Herbert’s sci-fi epic Dune. — M.D. LEGENDS OF OZ: DOROTHY’S RETURN Rated PG The Baum family’s eagerness to exploit – I mean, “further” – patriarch L. Frank’s legacy is why we have this animated musical, which premiered last year in France but is only now getting a wide release here. The use of Lea Michele’s tonsils as the voice of Dorothy is ostensibly the big draw, but the theater geeks in your social circle will be sucked in by Bernadette Peters and Megan Hilty, who played mother and daughter on the late, endearingly awful SMASH. Peters voices the character of Glinda the Good Witch … which just happens to be the same part Hilty played on Broadway in Wicked. Hey,

don’t laugh! How much time do you spend memorizing RBIs? — S.S. MILLION DOLLAR ARM Rated PG In a perfect world, Jon Hamm would be on the set of Batman vs. Superman right now, pulling on a pair of red booties and practicing his delivery of the line “I like pink very much, Lois.” (That’s the same world, of course, where Clive Owen is shooting his fifth Bond picture and the winner of The Voice gets to attach electrodes to Carson Daly’s testicles.) Instead, we have to live in reality, where we now get only a paltry seven goddamn episodes of Mad Men per year, and they’re interrupted by promos for Million Dollar Arm, a Disney family sports flick about a baseball agent who journeys to Mumbai to scout potential pitching talent. Slumdog Rookie, anyone? Oh, and Aasif Mandvi is in this, too, instead of starring in a Comedy Central series about an embattled Al-Jazeera correspondent, like he would be doing in that hypothetical nirvana I described. Meanwhile, the pitching coach who gets the boys into shape is played by Bill Paxton, who in a perfect world would … scratch that, he’d probably be doing the exact same thing. — S.S. MOMS’ NIGHT OUT Rated PG Filmmakers Jon and Andrew Erwin of the anti-abortion polemic October Baby continue to let us know what they think women should be up to, this time in a comedy about moms who make the mistake of having their husbands watch the kids so they can enjoy an evening out on the town. That’ll learn the selfi sh cunnies to stay in the kitchen! If you think the Erwins’ perspective is a bit skewed, take heart – they actually let a real live female-type-person co-write this thing: Andrea Gyertson Nasfell, whose screenwriting oeuvre is heavily reliant on concepts of angels, missionaries and Christmas. See? Diversity out the wazoo. Costars Sarah Drew, Trace Adkins, Sean Astin, Patricia Heaton. — S.S.

MUPPETS MOST WANTED ***@ Rated PG The whole gang is back – Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear – this time touring the globe. There’s an evil Kermie look-alike who’s involved in a jewelry heist in Europe, and Tina Fey, Ricky Gervais (you’ll never convince me he’s actually funny) and Ty Burrell (appearing here as humans) are also nefarious types … or are they? There’s a bunch of cameos: Sean Combs, Céline Dion, Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett, Zach Galifianakis, Josh Groban, Salma Hayek, Frank Langella, Ray Liotta, Toby Jones, James McAvoy, Saoirse Ronan, Stanley Tucci … waitasec … Josh Groban? — M.D. NEIGHBORS **G@ Rated R New parents Mac (Seth Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne) Radner have to put up with the Delta Psi fraternity buying the suburban house next door. Directed by Nicholas Stoller from a script by first-time feature writers Andrew J. Cohen and Brendan O’Brien, the comedy casts Rogen in a comfortable role as a genial pot-smoker, and Byrne in a comfortable role where she’s allowed to speak with her own Australian accent. Though they first try to play nice with the party-hearty crew led by chapter president Teddy (Zac Efron), the escalating noise levels disturbing their sleep lead them to start a conflict from which no one could escape without some sort of humiliating incident. Neighbors is built on the classic (or tired) foundation that the antagonists are more alike than they realize – clinging to their familiar sense of what makes a happy existence, digging in their heels against the perspective adjustments required for the next transitional life moment. — Scott Renshaw NOAH Rated PG-13 Russell Crowe stars as the patriarch acutely aware of the weather – God has told him a great fl ood is coming and he’d better hightail it to the high seas with his family and a lot of animals if he wants to survive. Turns out he’s quite the fighter. Costars Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, Nick Nolte, Ray Winstone and Emma Watson. — M.D. OCULUS Rated R This horror movie, about a young woman trying to blame a murder on a supernatural being so her brother – who’s been convicted of the crime – gets out of jail, was filmed in Mobile, Ala. One scary goddamn place fersure. — M.D. ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE **@@ Rated R • Opens May 23 at Sun-Ray Cinema Reviewed in this issue. THE OTHER WOMAN Rated PG-13 Nick Cassavettes directs Cameron Diaz as a woman who forges an unlikely alliance with her three-timing boyfriend’s wife and mistress. Silly old me was under the mistaken impression that this would be a sideways riff on The Women, but the Internet set me straight: It’s actually a grown-up version of John Tucker Must Die. Thanks, trolls! I almost said something stupid. Costars Nikolaj CosterWaldau, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton, Don Johnson (a role model for roués worldwide) and Nicki Minaj. — S.S. THE QUIET ONES **@@ Rated PG-13 If you thought Waiting for Superman had fully explored the dangers of the U.S. educational system, check out this based-on-reality horror picture, in which a bunch of college students are hired to prod the psyche of a disturbed girl and end up unleashing a malevolent spirit. Even worse news: Mark Zuckerberg screws them on the patent. — S.S. RIO 2 Rated G City parrots (Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway) are dropped deep in the Amazonian jungle. The animated kids’ feature costars Andy Garcia, Jamie Foxx and Kristin Chenoweth. — M.D.

THE TOTAL PACKAGE: Struggling sports agent JB Bernstein (Jon Hamm) can’t keep up with his slick rivals. While watching cricket on TV, he devises a plan worthy of a Disney film to stage a televised competition in India and find the next pitching ace.

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TRANSCENDENCE **G@ Rated PG-13 Christopher Nolan’s longtime cinematographer, Wally Pfister, makes his directing debut with this slice of cautionary sci-fi, in which scientist Will Caster (Johnny Depp) seeks to accumulate “the collective intelligence of everything ever known” and combine it with “the full range of human emotions.” Hey, Johnny: We already have that. It’s called “Patton Oswalt.” Costars Kate Mara, Rebecca Hall, Paul Bettany and Morgan Freeman. — S.S.

A&E // ARTS

MATERIAL WITNESS Lily Kuonen fuses

forms, concepts and narratives with her PLAYNTINGS

X MARKS THE SPOT: This 14-by-16-inch piece is among the X-shaped patterns over abstract forms in Lily Kuonen’s Surface Conditions series, featured in PLAYNTINGSSGNITNYALP through June 20 at Flagler College’s Crisp-Ellert Art Museum in St. Augustine.

the act of painting or a painting on the wall.” hen Marshall McLuhan declared “the In her practice, pieces are disassembled medium is the message” in 1964, he and rearranged into new works, and the same gave the mid-20th Century a reality check. Before he died in 1980, the pioneering materials are utilized. “Over time, I have realized Canadian media theorist also coined the term that I’ve created this kind of lineage within my “global village” and predicted now-common work,” she says of the growing ancestral quality of realities such as multimedia communications recurring objects. “Whether or not this translates and the Internet. With his “message” mantra, to the viewer, part of what I wanted to do with McLuhan proposed the possibility that the this show was really address that lineage. I created conduit, not the current, held the crackling a large drawing to map out this experience.” narrative — e.g., whether a TV channel aired Kuonen charts her accumulative, evera royal wedding or a riot squad was irrelevant, morphing work into three distinct categories: because the real “story” was in the object forms, materials and concepts. “I’m really emitting the information to audiences. thinking as much about the arc of my process.” Lily Kuonen is a kindred spirit tuned into Pieces from her Surface Conditions series are McLuhan’s message of object-as-story, with her indicative of this. The media used in these works signature work detonating ideas of media in are as enigmatic as the idea. X-shaped patterns contemporary art into inventive recoils of shape, dance over abstract forms, creating glyph-like color and texture. Her new exhibit at Crisp-Ellert motifs that are as intriguing and indecipherable as the materials they camouflage. Art Museum, PLAYNTINGSSGNITNYALP, features some 40 pieces of her signature CEAM director Julie Dickover first became PLAYNTINGS — works that merge painting, aware of Kuonen from stories in the pages of this magazine. “Lily sculpture and toys with conceptual installation that ideas, and you are simultaneously PLAYNTINGSSGNITYALP really read the void of and Artist’s walk-through 5 p.m., reception 6-9 p.m. May 16 pieces in a variety saturated Crisp-Ellert Art Museum, Flagler College, 48 Sevilla St., of ways, but she’s with narrative. St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert also a formalist at “PLAYNTINGS The exhibit is displayed through June 20. heart,” she says. “She are a synthesis pays heed to the of painting with inherent properties additional forms of the materials she uses, but manipulates them and actions,” says Kuonen, telling how she in ways that are really smart and thoughtful.” repurposes raw wood, cinder blocks and paint. Dickover is fascinated by Kuonen’s ongoing Kuonen’s work is a product of her surroundings, repurposing process. “This is the thread that as most of that same media is within arm’s reach connects the works in our exhibition, and it’s in her studio. incredibly exciting.” Kuonen is also influenced by her residential environment. While living in Charleston, S.C., As an assistant professor of foundations the 29-year-old artist was fascinated by old at Jacksonville University, Kuonen suggests houses supported by stilts. She emulated these students begin practicing an analytical, openconstruction fortifications by creating elongated minded view of their work now, encouraging works. “Now I live in Riverside and all of these them to be mindful of their media selections, sinkholes, orange flags and barricades are pushing motivations and even beliefs, and to question if me toward those colors and shapes,” she says. something is finished or in a state of evolution. Originally a figurative painter, Kuonen “I don’t want to be 100 percent sold on still approaches art with a painterly mentality. anything that I do,” Kuonen says. “You lose “Even though I haven’t lived in Arkansas for criticality that way. As long as I’m remaining years, I still say I’m from there,” she says with a critical of what I’m doing, and questioning laugh. “In the same way, I feel like my heritage myself, it’s going to be the valid decision and is that of a painter.” exercise for myself.” In 2010, she began PLAYNTINGS. “It is a Daniel A. Brown verb and noun,” Kuonen explains. “There can be mail@folioweekly.com

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

A&E // ARTS

PERFORMANCE

SOCIAL SECURITY An art gallery owner and her husband are visited by her mother; will she stay? Staged through June 8; dinner served for evening shows at 6 p.m.; matinees, 11 a.m. Sat. and noon Sun.; at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$55, 641-1212, alhambrajax. com. THE FOX ON THE FAIRWAY Golf club manager Henry runs an inter-club tournament; 8 p.m. May 15-17 at Players by the Sea, 106 N. Sixth St., Jax Beach, $20-$23, 249-0289, playersbythesea.org. BAY AT THE MOON Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre presents hometown success story Ian Mairs, in town to direct his play about the ties that bind siblings and the boundaries set to maintain sanity, May 15-25 (8 p.m. Thur.Sat., 2 p.m. Sun.) at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, $15, 249-7177, abettheatre.com. RED Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre stages the Tony Award-winning RED, the story of abstract expressionist Mark Rothko, 7:30 p.m. May 16 and 17 and at 2 p.m. on May 18 at Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, limelight-theatre.org. LES MISERABLES Imprisoned and exiled for stealing a loaf of bread, Jean Valjean evades capture from police inspector Javer while the French Revolution looms in the classic French drama by Boublil and Schonberg. 8 p.m. June 6-21 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., San Marco, $20-$25, 396-4425, theatrejax.com. OLIVER! The British musical adaption of Charles Dickens’ classic runs at 7:30 p.m. June 6-July 6 on Limelight Theatre’s Matuza Main Stage, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, $25, 825-1164, limelight-theatre.org. PIRATES OF PENZANCE When the hero of this comic opera was a boy, his father told his nurse to have him apprenticed as a pilot. She heard “pirate” – thus, the zany troubles begin. It’s staged at 8 p.m. June 6-29 at Orange Park Community Theatre, 2900 Moody Ave., $20, 276-2599, opct.org. SHREK THE MUSICAL A lovable ogre, a chatty donkey and a fiery princess set out on a fairy-tale adventure to save a swamp, 7:30 p.m. (weekend matinees) June 11-July 27 at Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$55, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. THE FOREIGNER Charlie is a depressed Englishman at a Southern fishing lodge in Georgia. He pretends he can’t speak English, so other lodgers speak freely in front of him. The play is staged at 8 p.m. June 12-28 at Amelia Community Theatre, 209 Cedar Street, Fernandina Beach, $10-$20, 261-6749, ameliacommunitytheatre.org.

COMEDY

KENDRA CORRIE Comedian/writer/delicate flower Corrie appears at 8 p.m. on May 16 and 17 at Latitude 30, 10370 Philips Highway, Southside, 365-5555, facebook.com/ Latitude30. ERIK GRIFFIN Griffin was Montez on Workaholics, he dropped a debut comedy album and his half-hour Comedy Central Presents special aired this year. He appears at 8 p.m. May 15-17 and 10 p.m. May 17 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $18-$20, 292-4242, comedyzone. com. ERIK RIVERA Rivera provided some comic relief to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno that one time. He appears at 8:04 p.m. May 15 and 8:04 and 10:10 p.m. May 16 and 17 at Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $6-$25, jacksonvillecomedy.com. MAD COWFORD IN FERNANDINA The Jacksonville improv group Mad Cowford returns to Fernandina Little Theatre for one night, 7:30 p.m. May 17, 1014 Beech St., Fernandina Beach, $7, madcowford.com. AN EVENING WITH MICK FOLEY WWE hardcore legend and bestselling author Foley appears at 8 p.m. May 18 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, $25-$30, 292-4242, comedyzone.com. MAD COWFORD IMPROV Weekly improv shows based on audience suggestion are held 8:15 p.m. every Fri. and Sat. at Northstar Substation, 119 E. Bay St., Downtown, $5, 233-2359, madcowford.com.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

WHAT IS A TRADEMARK? Law professor Amanda Reid and local business owner Allison Behringer of Sweet Pete’s share their experience and information on trademarks and branding, 6:30-7:30 p.m. May 15 at Art Center Cooperative, 31 W. Adams St., Downtown, free. IMPROVISATION FOR TEENS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds an improvisation workshop for teens in grades 9-12 at 3 p.m. May 15, 22, and 29 and June 5 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-7177, abettheatre.com. FABRIC ART Learn how to add fabric to artwork without using a stitch; all supplies and equipment provided; 10 a.m. May 17 at TAC II, 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, $30-$40, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org.

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

GO TO YOUR HOME: The eighth annual Wild Amelia Nature Festival kicks off with the popular sea turtle release. A juvenile green sea turtle was found in Camachee Cove in St. Augustine earlier this year, according to the Georgia Sea Turtle Center. After recovering from being “cold stunned” and given antibiotics, “Mint” the sea turtle is ready to return to the ocean on May 16 as part of the three-day festival in Amelia Island. Photo courtesy of Kathy Brooks A.C.T. AUDITIONS Amelia Community Theatre auditions for The Foreigner. Roles are available for one man and six women, 4:30 p.m. May 17 at ACT’s Studio 209 Theatre, 209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, 261-6749, ameliacommunitytheatre.org. SIMPLY NATURAL HAIR EXPO This natural hair and beauty expo highlights grassroots concepts of beauty and wellness, featuring exhibits of local entrepreneurs, beauty and wellness workshops and a Nubian fashion show, 11 a.m. May 18 at Jacksonville Marriott, 4760 Salisbury Rd., Southside, 733-0705, simplynaturalhairexpo.com. ISLAND ART ASSOCIATION MEETING A general meeting of the Island Art Association is held 7 p.m. May 20 at Art Education Center, next to gallery, 18 N. Second St., Fernandina Beach. BATTLE OF THE BANDS CALL Jacksonville Public Library invites local musicians, 12-18 years old, to compete in the ninth annual Battle of the Bands. The deadline is May 31. A maximum of eight bands is selected to compete, 1 p.m. June 21 in Downtown Main Library’s Conference Center, 303 Laura St. N., Downtown, jpl.coj.net/teens. CREATIVE DRAMA SUMMER CAMPS Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre holds one-week and two-week ageappropriate camps, for grades 1-9, starting June 9, at Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, $160-$320, 249-7177, abettheatre.com. FISHING, SAILING, THE BEACH & THE SEA The Art Center Premier Gallery invites artists to submit work depicting the water and water sports, through July 9, at 50 N. Laura St., Downtown. The exhibit opens July 10 and continues through Sept. 2. For artist applications, go to tacjacksonville.org. NATURE & WILDLIFE EXHIBIT Works in any medium that celebrate the beauty of the natural world are eligible – wilderness and landscape images, birds, marine life and the diversity of creatures in the great outdoors – for the fifth annual exhibition, held July 26-Aug. 31 at St. Augustine Art Association. Submit up to three images online by June 2; $45, 824-2310, staaa.org. ACTEEN STAGE LAB Children and teens in grades 6-12 learn street style and ambush theater at 6:30 p.m. every Wed. at Limelight Theatre, $80 per session, 825-1164, limelight-theatre.org. CALL TO ARTISTS The Art Center seeks photographers and video artists to present slide shows or videos at Art Walk at its studios. Artists must have their own projection equipment. $25 fee. For details, email reidartlaw@gmail. com. FIGURE DRAWING TAC II hosts figure-drawing sessions with a live model at 7 p.m. every Tue. (no session during the week of First Wednesday Art Walk) at TAC II, 229 N. Hogan St., Downtown, $5-$10, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org.

CLASSICAL & JAZZ

PIANO 4-HANDS RECITAL Pianists Kathleen Vande Berg and Linda Wills perform at noon May 14 on the grand piano at Memorial Presbyterian Chapel, Sevilla St., St. Augustine, free. GLADYS KNIGHT Knight, a seven-time Grammy-winner who’s scored No. 1 hits in pop, R&B and adult contemporary, appears 8 p.m. May 16 at the Times-Union Center’s Moran

Theater, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $59-$80, 633-6110, jaxsymphony.org. FIESTA WITH ST. AUGUSTINE ORCHESTRA This spring concert features a program of Latin music as part of the week-long music celebration, Romanza Festivale of the Arts, at 8 p.m. May 16 at Lightner Museum, 25 Granada St., St. Augustine and 3 p.m. May 18 at Christ Episcopal Church, 400 San Juan Dr., Ponte Vedra Beach, $15, 655-7944, staugustineorchestra.org. FABIO MECHETTI’S FINALE Mahler’s Symphony No. 3 is the final concert with Mechetti on the podium as music director. Mahler’s longest piece is performed in its entirety without intermission, 8 p.m. May 16 and 17 in Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, $25-$59, 633-6110, jaxsymphony.org. SPRING CONCERT Orange Park United Methodist Church’s Hand Bell Choir performs a spring concert, 6:30 p.m. May 19 at the Main Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island, free, 278-3722, darlene.page@claycountygov.com. CONCERT ON THE GREEN The 27th annual concert performed by the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra includes Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and patriotic and American favorites, 8 p.m. May 25 at Magnolia Point Golf & Country Club, 3670 Clubhouse Dr., Green Cove Springs, $12-$15 or $75 for dinner package, 278-8448, concertonthegreen.com. KELLY/SCOTT JAZZ SEXTET Northeast Florida jazz sextet, led by vocalist Lisa Kelly and trumpet/flugelhorn player JB Scott, performs at 11 a.m. and at 7:30 p.m. on May 30 at Friday Musicale, 645 Oak St., Riverside, 355-7584, fridaymusicale.com. CHICAGO The American band opens Starry Nights series with the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, at 6 p.m. May 31 at Metropolitan Park, 1410 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown, $84, 354-5547, jaxsymphony.org. WASTE NOT WANT NOT CONCERT Orange Park Chorale performs a benefit concert for local charity organization Waste Not Want Not, at 8 p.m. May 31 at Sacred Heart Catholic Church, 7190 U.S. 17, Fleming Island. THE BIG ORANGE CHORUS The popular men’s barbershop and a cappella group performs Excellence in Harmony, at 3 p.m. June 1 at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, 300 W. Water St., Downtown, 287-1896, bigorangechorus.com. CHRISTOPHER CROSS Five-time Grammy-winning singersongwriter, accompanied by the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, appears at 6 p.m. June 6 at Metropolitan Park, 1410 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown, $84, 354-5547, jaxsymphony.org. FOUR CENTURIES OF KEYBOARD MUSIC Second in a series of performances and commentaries, pianist Rosalind J. Elson plays works of Pezold, Frescobaldi, Purcell, Haydn, Grieg and Cruse at 3 p.m. June 6 in the Choir Loft of Shepherd of the Woods Lutheran Church, 6595 Columbia Court, Jacksonville, free, 268-6701. JAZZ IN PONTE VEDRA The Gary Starling Group (Carol Sheehan, Billy Thornton, Peter Miles) performs 7:30-10:30 p.m. every Thur. at Table 1, 330 A1A N., 280-5515. JAZZ IN RIVERSIDE Trumpeter Ray Callendar and guitarist Taylor Roberts are featured at 9:30 p.m. every Thur. at Kickbacks Gastropub, 910 King St., 388-9551. JAZZ IN MANDARIN Boril Ivanov Trio plays at 7 p.m. every

Thur. and pianist David Gum plays at 7 p.m. every Fri. at Tree Steakhouse, 11362 San Jose Blvd., 262-0006. JAX BEACH JAZZ Live jazz is presented 6-9 p.m. every Fri. at Landshark Café, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024. JAZZ IN NEPTUNE BEACH Live jazz is featured 7:30-9:30 p.m. every Sat. at Lillie’s Coffee Bar, 200 First St., 249-2922. JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE The House Cats play from 9:30 p.m.-1 a.m. every Sat. at Stogies Club & Listening Room, 36 Charlotte St., 826-4008. JAZZ IN ARLINGTON Jazzland Café features live music at 8 p.m. every Sat. and 6-9 p.m. every Tue. at 1324 University Blvd. N., 240-1009, jazzlandcafe.com. JAZZ IN ST. AUGUSTINE Live jazz is featured nightly at Rhett’s Piano Bar & Brasserie, 66 Hypolita St., 825-0502.

ART WALKS, FESTIVALS & MARKETS

NORTH BEACHES ART WALK Galleries of Atlantic and Neptune beaches are open 5-9 p.m. May 15 and every third Thur. from Sailfish Drive in Atlantic Beach to Neptune Beach and Town Center, 249-2222, nbaw.org. DOWNTOWN FRIDAY MARKET Arts and crafts and local produce are offered from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. May 16 and every Fri. at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 353-1188. RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local and regional art, local music, food artists and a farmers market are featured, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 17 under the Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com. WILD AMELIA NATURE FESTIVAL The three-day festival features a sea turtle release and a nature cruise May 16, a free Eco-Expo 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 17 at Atlantic Recreation Center, as well as photography classes, workshops and ecotours May 16-18. Class admission ranges from $25-$40 per class. Behind-the-scenes group tour at Jacksonville Zoo on May 18, $60. For a full schedule of events, go to wildamelia. com. NAMI BENEFIT FESTIVAL The benefit festival includes a guided walk around historic Ortega, 9-10 a.m., appearances by DJ Matt Basford, Ronan’s School of Music, Eric Wendorf, Hugh Rankin Tuba Man, the Concert Ballet Company, as well as a silent auction, kids’ activities, arts and crafts, 11 a.m.-3 p.m. May 17 at Ortega Methodist Church, 4807 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, $10, 388-5166. Proceeds benefit National Alliance on Mental Illness Jacksonville. UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT The self-guided tour features galleries, antique stores and shops open 5-9 p.m. May 31 and every last Sat. in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152. FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK An art walk, featuring more than 50 galleries, museums and businesses and spanning 15 blocks, is held 5-9 p.m. June 4 and every first Wed., Downtown. downtownjacksonville.org/marketing; iloveartwalk.com. FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK The tour of Art Galleries of St. Augustine is held June 6 and every first Fri., with more than 15 galleries participating, 829-0065. JAX BEACH ART WALK More than 30 local artists display

A&E // ARTS

ADVERTISINGADVERTISIN PROOF This is a copyright protec This is a copyright protected proof ©

For questions, please callatyour advertising re For questions, please call your advertising representative 260-9770. YOUR PROOF FAX YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLE ATFAX 268-3655 works, 5-9 p.m. June 10 and every second Tue., along First Street between Beach Boulevard and Fifth Avenue North, Jax Beach, betterjaxbeach.com/jax-beach-art-walk.html. ARTRAGEOUS ART WALK Downtown Fernandina Beach galleries are open for self-guided tours, 5:30-8:30 p.m. June 14 and every second Sat., 277-0717, ameliaisland.com.

MUSEUMS

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7371, arts.ju.edu. The permanent collection features carved ivory, Chinese porcelain, pre-Colombian artifacts and more. AMELIA ISLAND MUSEUM OF HISTORY 233 S. Third St., Fernandina Beach, 261-7378, ameliamuseum.org. The children’s exhibit Discovery Ship allows kids to pilot the ship, hoist flags and learn about the history of Fernandina’s harbor. BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. The exhibit Waiting for the Train: Henry Flagler & the Florida East Coast Railroad is on display through June 1. CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM Flagler College, 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert. Lily Kuonen’s PLAYNTINGSSGNITNALP opens with a reception held 6-9 p.m. May 16. She discusses her work at 5 p.m. The exhibit continues through June 20. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., Riverside, 356-6857, cummer.org. Art collectors share the pieces that inspired their love of collecting in Collector’s Choice: Inside the Hearts and Minds of Regional Collectors, running May 17-Sept. 14. FSU Professor William Walmsley displays his works through July 8. The Human Figure: Sculptures by Enzo Torcoletti is on display through September. A Commemoration of the Civil Rights Movement: Photography from the High Museum of Art is on display through Nov. 2. KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org. The permanent collection includes several rare manuscripts. Revisiting French Light, Florida Light, an exhibit held in cooperation with the Sister Cities Association and Nantes, France, features watercolors, oils and acrylics by Gordon Meggison; it’s on display through June 28. MANDARIN MUSEUM & HISTORICAL SOCIETY 11964 Mandarin Rd., 268-0784, mandarinmuseum.net. The exhibit The Maple Leaf, which features artifacts and information from the Civil War era, runs through December. MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., Downtown, 366-6911, mocajacksonville. com. Shaun Thurston’s Project Atrium: One Spark continues through June 6. Students from MOCA’s educational outreach program, Rainbow Artists: Art and Autism display their work through June 1. The exhibit New York Times Magazine Photographs, curated by Kathy Ryan and Lesley Martin, runs through Aug. 24. Recently named a fellow in the 2013-’14 Working Artist Project at the Museum of Contemporary Art of Georgia, Scott Ingram exhibits a survey collection of drawings and objects May 22-Aug. 24. The museum offers free admission 6 p.m. May 22. MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Circle, Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. Uncovering the Past: Archaeological Discoveries of North Florida is on display through August. French in Florida Gallery, digital reproductions of engravings of 16th century Florida, chronicling the French attempt to establish a settlement in Florida and their experiences with the Timucua Indians, is on display through July 6. VISITOR INFORMATION CENTER 10 W. Castillo Dr., St. Augustine, 825-1000, staugustine-450.com/journey. Journey: 450 years of the African-American Experience is exhibited through July 15. WORLD GOLF HALL OF FAME & MUSEUM Honoring the Legacy: A Tribute to African-Americans in Golf – featuring photographs, audio, video and memorabilia from the late 1800s to the present – is open in the permanent collection.

GALLERIES

ABSOLUTE AMERICANA ART GALLERY 77 Bridge St., St. Augustine, 824-5545, absoluteamericana.com. Original Pierre Matisse prints are featured. The permanent display features oil paintings, sculptures and prints from international artists. Two collections of original work by John Pacovsky are on display through June 20. Exhibits are erotic in nature, and patrons must be age 18 and older. THE ART CENTER MAIN GALLERY 31 W. Adams St., Downtown, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org. Paintings, pastels, sketches and photography by a diverse group of member artists are displayed. THE ART CENTER PREMIER GALLERY 50 N. Laura St., Downtown, 355-1757, tacjacksonville.org. Jacksonville Life, an exhibit of “things that made our city great,” continues through July 8. BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, butterfieldgarage.com. The

artist-run gallery features a wide range of traditional and contemporary works by several local artists. CORSE GALLERY & ATELIER 4144 Herschel St., Riverside, 388-8205, corsegalleryatelier.com. Permanent works on PROMISE OF BENEFIT SUPPORT display feature those by Kevin Beilfuss, Eileen Corse, Miro SUPPORT Produced by PROMISE OF BENEFIT ASK FOR ACTION Sinovcic, Maggie Siner, Alice Williams, Luana Luconi Winner. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. Joan Carver – who specializes in watercolor, pastels and oils – presents the exhibit Color It Coastal, which runs through May 20. FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Rd., Southside, 425-2845, floridamininggallery.com. Diogenes The Dog & Ryan Rummel, an exhibit of approximately 20 pieces from each artist, opens with a reception held at 7 p.m. May 22. The exhibit continues through July 3. GALLERY725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320, gallery725.com. Water. Fire. Wood. features works by Tonsenia Yann, Ken Daga, Matthew Winghart, Linda Olsen and Flew, through May 17. THE GALLERY AT HOUSE OF STEREO 8780 Perimeter Park Ct., Ste. 100, Southside, 642-6677, houseofstereo.com. Painting, art glass, photography, woodcrafts, pottery and sculpture are featured. GEORGIA NICK GALLERY 11A Aviles St., St. Augustine, 806-3348, georgianickgallery.com. The artist-owned studio displays Nick’s sea and landscape photography, along with local works by oil painters, a mosaic artist, potter, photographer and author. HASKELL GALLERY & DISPLAY CASES Jacksonville PROMISE OF BENEFIT SUPPORT International Airport, 14201 Pecan Park Rd., Northside, 741-3546. Keith Doles’ Street Series and Street Corners is displayed through June 29 in Haskell Gallery located before security. Dorian Eng’s Chinese and Japanese art in the form PROMISE OF thimbles BENEFIT SUPPORT ASK FOR ACTION Produced by KAC_ of threaded balls and called Temari and Yubinuki is displayed through July 7 in Connector Bridge Art display case before security. Marsha Glaziere’s Eclectic Coffee Spots in Puget Sound is a collection of paintings, photographs and impressions, displayed through July 5 in Concourse A and C display cases after security. HIGHWAY GALLERY floridamininggallery.com. Nine artists, including Nathaniel Artkart Price, Ken Daga, Ashley C. Waldvogel, Brianna Angelakis, Christina Foard, Linda Olsen, Sara Pedigo, Zach Fitchner and Russell Maycumber, are featured on digital billboards throughout the city in collaboration with Clear Channel through July. J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jacksonville Beach, 435-3200. The exhibit Ex Libris – featuring works by Cara Barer, Doug Beube, Long-Bin Chen, Brian Dettmer, Jessica Drenk, Andrew Hayes, Alexander Korzer-Robinson, Guy Laramee and Francesca Pastine – includes pieces made by carving, cutting, folding and assembling books, encyclopedias and other bound literature journals. The exhibit is on display through June 13. THE LOOKING LAB 107 E. Bay St., Downtown, 917-239-3772. The exhibit Art in Empty Store Fronts features multimedia video art and sculptures by Crystal Floyd and David Montgomery. REDDI ARTS 1037 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-3161, reddiarts.com. Works by local artists are featured, with a focus on “emerging artists for emerging collectors.” Collections change monthly. ROTUNDA GALLERY St. Johns County Administrative Building, 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine. The St. Augustine Camera Club’s third annual Juried Member Photography Show is on display through July 24. ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. The Florida Artist Group (FLAG) presents its annual juried exhibit through May. The exhibit Miniature Marks, with nearly 100 pieces, each no larger than 12 inches, is on display through June 1. SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY 201 N. Hogan St., Ste. 100, Downtown, 553-6361, southlightgallery.com. Ctrl + Alt + Image, an exhibit of select works by 24 UNF students enrolled in the Alternative Camera & Alternative Photographic Processes course, is on display at the UNF ArtSpace. The gallery’s May exhibit features pieces by 49 artists, including guest artist and UNF graduate Jessie Barnes. The FACE to FACE mural is also on display. SPACE:EIGHT GALLERY 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838, spaceeight.com. Features lowbrow, pop surrealism, street and underground art by nationally and internationally acclaimed artists.

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For a complete list of arts events, go to folioweekly. com/calendar. To submit your arts-related event, email djohnson@folioweekly.com. Print deadline is 4 p.m. Monday, nine days before publication. Due to space constraints, not all events appear in print. MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

DINING DIRECTORY To have your restaurant listed, contact your account manager or Sam Taylor, 904.260.9770 ext. 111 staylor@folioweekly.com DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost: $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner *Bite Club certified = Hosted a free Folio Weekly Bite Club tasting. Join at fwbiteclub.com. BOJ = 2013 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH, YULEE

29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919. F In historic downtown, the popular bistro’s Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional world cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality in an upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269. F In a historic building, family-owned spot serves worldly taste fare: homemade veggie burgers, fresh seafood, made-fromscratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub offers beer brewed onsite. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CIAO ITALIAN BISTRO, 302 Centre St., 206-4311. Owners Luke and Kim Misciasci offer fine dining: veal piccata, rigatoni Bolognese, antipasto; house specialties are chicken Ciao, homemade-style meat lasagna. $ L Fri. & Sat.; D Nightly DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049. In Historic District. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb served in an elegant, chic spot. $$$$ FB D Nightly DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444. F In a renovated 1887 shotgun house. Favorites: jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan, vegetarian selections. Dine inside or on the porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S AT THE THOMPSON HOUSE, 11 S. Seventh St., 432-8394. F Creative lunch: po’boys, salads, little plates served in a historic house. Dinner: fresh local seafood, Fernandina shrimp. Reservations recommended. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400. F BOJ winner. Northern-style pizzas, with more than 20 toppings, are served by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFE, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141. Awarded Snail of Approval. Casual organic eatery and juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, coffee, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes and breads. Everything’s made from scratch. $ TO B L Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132. Bite Club certified. Omni Amelia Island Plantation Spa & Shops. Bistro-style venue has an innovative menu: whole fried fish and duck breast. Outdoor dining. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811. F See ICW sunsets from second-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, original broiled cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652. F BOJ. Oceanfront place serves award-winning handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles. Outdoor dining, open-air 2nd fl oor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. 8th St., 261-6310. F This spot in an old gas station offers blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 9119 Merrill Rd., Ste. 19 & 20, 745-9301. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8818 Atlantic Blvd., 720-0106. See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

THE CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966. F BOJ winner. Middle Eastern/Mediterranean fare. Patio, hookah lounge. Wi-Fi, bellydancers. $$ BW L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 3543 St. Johns Ave., 829-5790. F In Green Man Gourmet, this shop has wines, spices, fresh fruit ice pops and Belgian chocolates. See Ponte Vedra. $$ TO ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAK HOUSE, 4000 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 40, 388-4884. F Churrascaria gauchos carve the meat onto your plate from serving tables. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sun. THE FOX RESTAURANT, 3580 St. Johns Ave., 387-2669. F Owners Ian & Mary Chase offer fresh diner fare: burgers, meatloaf, fried green tomatoes, desserts. Breakfast all day. Local landmark for 50+ years. $$ BW K L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 4530 St. Johns Ave., 388-8828. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 3611 St. Johns

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 Pinegrove Ave., 389-8655. F BOJ winner. For 40+ years serving hearty fare: Cuban sandwiches, burgers, subs, wraps, homemade chicken salad, in a family spot. Onsite butcher shop cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., Ortega, 3871000. F Down-home cooking from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BROADWAY RISTORANTE & PIZZERIA, Ste. 3, 10920 Baymeadows Rd. E., 519-8000. F Family-owned-andoperated Italian pizzeria serves calzones, strombolis, wings, brick-oven-baked pizza, subs, desserts. Delivery. $$ BW K TO L D Daily INDIA’S RESTAURANT, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777. F Authentic Indian cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 8206 Philips Hwy., Baymeadows Junction, 732-9433. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 7377740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily PIZZA PALACE RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 527-8649. F Relaxed, family-owned place serves homestyle cuisine. Local faves include spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna, parmigiana. Outside dining; HD TVs. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 8133 Point Meadows Dr., 519-0509. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template t o create dishes like tandoori lamb chops and rosemary tikka. Vegetarian items are cooked separately in vegetable oil. $ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.

BEACHES

(Locations are Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002. F BOJ winner. Celebrating more than 20 years, Al’s is a repeat Best Pizza winner in the annual BOJ readers’ poll. New York-style and gourmet pizzas. All-day happy hour Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily BREEZY COFFEE SHOP CAFE, 235 Eighth Ave. S., 241-2211. F Casual, family-owned shop serves fresh-baked goods, espressos, locally roasted coffees, vegan and gluten-free options. Sandwiches, local beer. $ BW K TO B R L Daily BUDDHA THAI BISTRO, 301 10th Ave. N., 712-4444. The proprietors are from Thailand; every dish is made with fresh ingredients, beautifully presented. $$ FB TO L D Daily CASA MARIA, 2429 S. Third St., 372-9000. F Familyowned-and-operated place offers authentic Mexican fare: fajitas and seafood dishes, hot sauces made in-house. The specialty is tacos de asada. $ FB K L D Daily CRUISERS GRILL, 319 23rd Ave. S., 270-0356. F BOJ winner. Locally owned and operated for 15+ years, this casual place serves half-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, award-winning cheddar fries and sangria. $ BW K L D Daily ENGINE 15 BREWING CO., 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, 249-2337. F BOJ winner. Gastropub fare: soups, flatbreads, sandwiches, including BarBe-Cuban and beer dip. Craft beers and brew groups. $ FB K L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. F Fusion of Latin American and Southwestern-influenced fare: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100+ tequilas. Outdoor seating. $ FB L D Daily LANDSHARK CAFE, 1728 Third St. N., 246-6024. F Locally owned & operated. Fresh, off-the-boat local seafood, fish tacos, houseground burgers, wings, handcut fries, tater tots; daily specials. $$ FB K L D Daily; R Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1222 Third St. S., 372-4495. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 N. Third St., 247-9620. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-2922. F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, fl atbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine indoors or out, patio and courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. Hoagies, salads, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 249-5573. F Near-the-ocean eatery, 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside or on the patio. Valet parking. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat.

Kunal Patel and Chef Rashpal Singh, of Zesty India in Baymeadows, have created unique menu items rich in spice and flavor. Dishes featured here are kofta in palak gravy, grilled stuffed bell pepper, chicken tikka masala and murgh tandoori. Photo: Dennis Ho MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. F BOJ winner. Funky Southern blues kitchen. Pulled pork, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, all the sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-2599. F BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure fl ippin’ burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, familiar fare, moderate prices. Dine inside or outside. $$ BW L D Daily POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637. F American gastropub named for the poet. 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Beaches Town Ctr., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877. F For 30 years, popular seafood place has scored many awards in our BOJ readers poll. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., Beaches Town Ctr., Neptune Beach, 246-0881. Beachcasual atmosphere. Customer faves: fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, homemade ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000. F BOJ winner. Full-service bar (with more than 20 beers on tap), TV screens covering entire walls and cheerleader s serving the food. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324. F New York-style deli offers freshly made fare: subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. AMERICAN GRILL, Jacksonville Landing, 353-7522. Fullservice restaurant serves traditional fare: pot pies, steaks, burgers, pizza, pot roast, vegetarian dishes. $$ BW L D Daily BENNY’S STEAK & SEAFOOD, Jax Landing, Ste. 175, 301-1014. This steak-and-seafood house serves Continental cuisine with such signature dishes as the Filet Christian. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ NOLA at MOCAJax, 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911. F Shrimp & grits, gourmet sandwiches, fresh fish tacos, homemade desserts. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Thur. & ArtWalk CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi has been serving genuine Italian fare for 36+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. The homemade salad dressing is a specialty. $$ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. CASA MARIA, 12961 N. Main St., Ste. 104, 757-6411. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily CHICAGO PIZZA & SPORTS GRILL, Jax Landing, 354-7747. F Chicago-style deep-dish pizzas, hot dogs, Italian beef dishes from Chicago’s Comastro family. $$ FB K TO L D Daily CHOMP CHOMP, 106 E. Adams St., 762-4667. F Eats at moderate prices – most less than $10. Chef-inspired street food: panko-crusted chicken, burgers, chinois tacos, bahn mi and barbecue. $ L Tue.-Sat.; D Fri. & Sat. CINCO DE MAYO, Jax Landing, 329-2892. Authentic yet mild dishes: fajitas, tacos, burritos, enchiladas. Din e indoors or outside. $$ FB L D Daily FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547. BOJ winner. This pub offers casual dining with an uptown Irish atmosphere, serving fi sh and chips, Guinness lamb stew and black-andtan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily HOOTERS, Jax Landing, Ste. 103, 356-5400. The chain, popular for its waitresses, features wings, steamed shrimp, oysters, burgers, seafood, sandwiches. $$ FB TO L D Daily KOJA SUSHI, Ste. 222, Jax Landing, 350-9911. F BOJ winner. Owners John and Tony, in the sushi game for 10+ years, offer sushi, sashimi, and Japanese, Asian, Korean cuisine. Hard-to-find items like baby octopus salad, too. Dine inside or out. $$ FB L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly VILLAGE BREAD CAFE, Ste. 175, Jax Landing, 683-7244. Locally owned; bagels, omelets, sandwiches on homestyle

bread, salads, pizzas, pastries. $ TO B L Mon.-Sat. VITO’S ITALIAN CAFE, Jax Landing, Ste. 174, 355-3002. Traditional Italian and Mediterranean menu: pasta, steak and seafood entrées. Desserts, including tiramisu and cannoli, are homemade. Daily happy hour. $ FB L D Daily ZODIAC GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283. American favorites and Mediterranean fare in a casual atmosphere; panini, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB L Mon.-Fri

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F BOJ winner. See Riverside. $ BW TO Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1571 C.R. 220, Ste. 100, 215-2223. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 1605 C.R. 220, 278-9421. F 50+ premium tap domestic, imported beers. Starters, burgers, sandwiches, entrées, made to order with fresh ingredients. Lots of TVs for watching sports. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198. F Real fish camp serves gator tail, freshwater river catfish, daily specials, traditional meals, on Swimming Pen Creek. Outdoor Tiki bar. Come by boat, motorcycle or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

4 BONES BARBECUE, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 20, 419-9855. Classic Southern barbecue: Pulled pork, brisket, chicken, turkey, ribs, chorizo served market-style by the pound. Mac ’n’ cheese, baked beans, cole slaw, green beans. Specialty sandwiches, banana pudding. $ K TO L D Tue.-Sat. AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 14333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 39, 992-1666. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some La Nops have a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE TENT HOOKAH LOUNGE, 12041 Beach Blvd., Ste. 4, 551-2962. Authentic fare, hookahs and flavored tobacco, specials and live belly dancing and fl oor seating, in keeping with that authenticity thing. Open late. $ BW L D Daily TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999. F Locally-owned-and-operated grill serves hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps in a clean, sporty atmosphere. Daily drink specials, HD TVs, pool tables, darts, trivia. Late-night menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

JULINGTON CREEK

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 525 S.R. 16, Ste. 101, St. Johns, 825-4540. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, St. Johns, 819-1554. F See Fleming Island. $$ FB K L D Daily

MANDARIN

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F From the dolmades (stuffed grape leaves) to the baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Athens has all the favorites. G reek

GRILL ME!

DINING DIRECTORY A WEEKLY Q&A WITH PEOPLE IN THE FOOD BIZ

RESTAURANT: North Beach Bistro,725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 6, Atlantic Beach BIRTHPLACE: Jax Beach

ADVERTISING S

contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, salads, sides and desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L Mon.-Fri.; D Nightly MSHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ BW L D Daily OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730. BOJ. For Tapas, small plates of Spanish and Italian flavors: ceviche fresco, pappardelle bolognese. 240-bottle wine list, 75 by the glass, craft spirits. Outdoor dining. $$ FB R, Sun.; D Nightly

NAME: David Seavey

YEARS IN THE BIZ: 25

FAVORITE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Campeche Bay FAVORITE COOKING STYLE: Southern comfort fare

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FAVORITE INGREDIENTS: Fresh herbs, local seafood, bacon

SAN JOSE, LAKEWOOD

IDEAL MEAL: Kobe burger with applewood smoked bacon, cheese, egg over easy and foie gras. WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Anything with more than 4 legs INSIDER’S SECRET: Have a great support staff. CELEB SIGHTING @ NBB: Maurice Jones Drew CULINARY TREAT: Ben & Jerry’s beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 1, 880-7087. F BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040. F American-style steakhouse features Angus steaks, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps. $$ FB K L D Mon.-Sat. KAZU JAPANESE RESTAURANT, 9965 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 35, 683-9903. The new place has a wide variety of soups, dumplings, appetizers, salads, bento boxes, sushi, entrées, maki handrolls, sashimi. $$ FB TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA, 11700 San Jose Blvd., 288-0175. F Tamales, fajitas and pork tacos are customer favorites. Some locations offer a full bar. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT PIZZA & GRILL, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773. F This casual, family-friendly eatery serves pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers and pasta dishes. Gluten-free friendly. $ FB K L D Daily RENNA’S PIZZA, 11111 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 292-2300. F Casual New York-style pizzeria. Calzones, antipasto, parmigiana, homemade breads. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

ARON’S PIZZA, 650 Park Ave., 269-1007. F Familyowned restaurant has eggplant dishes, manicotti, New York-style pizzas. $$ BW K TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1540 Wells Rd., 269-2122. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Road, 272-5959. Southern-style dining. Specialties: New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. KRISTIN’S ON THE RIVER, 2511 Blanding Blvd., 3899455. This newly re-opened spot serves seafood and American favorites. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 9734 Crosshill Blvd., 908-4250. 2024 Kingsley Ave., 276-2776. F See Mandarin. $$ FB TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove Springs, 284-7789. F All over the area, they pile ’em high and serve ’em fast. Hot/cold subs, soups, salads. $ K TO B L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611. F Wings, sandwiches, burgers, quesadillas; 35+ years. Pool tables, darts, foosball, TVs. 75+ imported beers. $ FB L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA, NW ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 145 Hilden Rd., Ste. 122, 829-5790. Hand-crafted in the onsite factory, with premium Belgian chocolate, fruits, nuts and spices. Cookies and popsicles. Claude’s will ship your order. $$ TO LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily RESTAURANT MEDURE, 818 A1A N., 543-3797. Chef David Medure creates with a wide range of global flavors. The lounge offers small plates, creative drinks and entertainment, including happy hour twice daily. $$$ FB D Mon.-Sat.

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily BLACK SHEEP RESTAURANT, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793. BOJ winner. New American favorites with a Southern twist, made with locally sourced ingredients. Awesome rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1-2, 855-1181. F BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412. Made-from-scratch “semi-swanky street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free and vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tue.-Sun. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 5972 San Juan Ave., Westside, 693-9258. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474.

F BOJ. Juice bar has certified organic fruit, vegetables. Artisanal cheese, 300+ craft/import beer, organic wines, produce, meats, wraps, raw, vegan. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS, 1001 Park St., 508-0342. The new spot is based on Asian street vendors. A collection of hawker recipes is served under one roof. $ BW TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., Westside, 446-9500. 8102 Blanding Blvd., Westside, 779-1933. F See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., Ortega, 999-4600. F BOJ winner. See San Marco. $$ R B L Daily MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ winner. See Amelia Island. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434. F Southwestern dishes like fresh fish tacos and chicken enchiladas are popular. Happy hour runs Mon.-Sat. in the upstairs lounge, and all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300. F Traditional Irish fare like shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese and fish-n-chips. Outdoor patio dining is available. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0049. F Beer (Bold City, Intuition Ale Works), wine, pizza, hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ FB K TO L D Daily AVILES RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 32 Avenida Menendez, 829-2277. F Hilton Bayfront Hotel. Progressive Europeanflavored menu; made-to-order pasta night, wine dinners, chophouse nights, deluxe breakfast buffet. Sun. champagne brunch bottomless mimosas. Free valet. $$$ FB K B L D Daily CANDLELIGHT SOUTH, 1 Anastasia Blvd., 819-0588. F Brand-new on the island, the casual restaurant originally in Scarsdale, N.Y., offers fish tacos, sandwiches, wings, desserts and sangria. Daily specials. $ BW K TO L D Daily CARMELO’S MARKETPLACE & PIZZERIA, 146 King St., 494-6658. F New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats, cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily CLAUDE’S CHOCOLATES, 6 Granada St., 829-5790. Inside The Market. Wine and chocolate pairings, soft-serve ice cream, a coffee bar, fresh fruit ice pops, cookies. $$ TO CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655. Updated Southern fare: fresh, local ingredients from area farms. Vegetarian, gluten-free, too. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., Anastasia Island, 824-8244. F A mainstay for a quarter-century, Gypsy’s menu changes twice daily. Signature dish is Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily HARRY’S SEAFOOD BAR & GRILLE, 46 Avenida Menendez, 824-7765. F New Orleans-style. Cajun, Creole, Southern flavors with a modern twist: fresh seafood, steaks, pork, jambalaya, shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB K TO L D Daily LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 155 Hampton Point Dr., 230-7879. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K TO L D Daily MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PACIFIC ASIAN BISTRO, 159 Palencia Village Dr., Ste. 111, 808-1818. F BOJ winner. Chef Mas Lui creates 30+ unique sushi rolls; fresh sea scallops, Hawaiian-style poke tuna salad. $$-$$$ BW L D Daily TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Place, 547-0240. Newish fusion place specializes in healthful American fare with a Latin flair. $$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun.

ST. JOHNS TOWN CENTER

MOXIE KITCHEN + COCKTAILS, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744. Chef Tom Gray’s place features innovative

PROMISE OF5613 BENEFIT CRUISERS GRILL, San Jose Blvd., Ste. 1, SUPPORT 737-2874. BOJ winner. See Beaches. $ BW K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ winner. See Beaches. $$ FB K TO B L D Daily

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SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK, ST. NICHOLAS

BASIL THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190. F Pad Thai, curries, sushi, served in a relaxing environment. Dine indoors or on the patio. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. THE GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Varied tapas menu of artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschettas, homestyle cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. LA NOPALERA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1631 Hendricks Ave., 399-1768. F See Mandarin. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MATTHEW’S, 2107 Hendricks Ave., 396-9922. Matthew Medure’s flagship. Fine dining, European-style atmosphere. Artfully presented cuisine, small plates, extensive martini/ wine lists. Reservations. $$$$ FB D Mon.-Sat. METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701. F BOJ winner. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, homemade soups. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815. F See Baymeadows. $$ BW TO L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE

360° GRILLE, LATITUDE 30, 10370 Philips Hwy., 3655555. F Seafood, steaks, burgers, chicken, sandwiches, pizza. Dine inside, on patio. $$ FB TO L D Daily ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212. Longest-running dinner theater. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s menus coordinated with stage productions. Reservations suggested. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. CASA MARIA, 14965 Old St. Augustine Rd., 619-8186. F See Beaches. $ FB K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. BOJ winner. See Northside. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. Dim sum favorites: shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball; plus traditional Hong Kong noodles and barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F See Orange Park. BOJ winner. $ K TO B L D Daily MANGIA! ITALIAN BISTRO & BAR, 3210 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 551-3061. F Chef/owner Tonino DiBella offers fine dining – fresh seafood, veal, steaks, New York-style pizza, desserts. Happy hour Mon.-Sat. Patio. $$$ FB K TO L D Mon.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955. F See Beaches. Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. $ BW K TO L D Daily SEVEN BRIDGES GRILLE & BREWERY, 9735 Gate Pkwy. N., 997-1999. F Local seafood, steaks, pizzas. Brewer Aaron Nesbit handcrafts award-winning freshly brewed ales and lagers. Inside, outdoors. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Court, 854-0426. F Bite Club certified. BOJ winner. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily WATAMI BUFFET, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. All-you can-eat sushi, plus choice of two items from teppanyaki grill. $ FB K L D Daily. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Court, Ste. 1, 551-5929. F Apps and bar food: German pretzels, hummus, pickle chips, flatbreads. Craft drafts from Germany, Cali, Florida (Bold City brews), Ireland, Belgium. $$ BW L D Daily

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. F BOJ winner. NASCAR-themed spot has 365 kinds of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main, 356-3100. F Fresh Mexican fare: fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. Happy hour daily; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner, 764-9999. See Orange Park. $ K TO B L D Daily SAVANNAH BISTRO, 14670 Duval Rd., 741-4404. F Low Country Southern fare, taste of Mediterranean and French. Crowne Plaza Airport. Crab cakes, New York strip, she crab soup, mahi mahi. Rainforest Lounge. $$$ FB K B L D Daily.

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

ASTROLOGY

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): When the path ahead divides in two, I hope you work some magic to let you take both ways at once. If you master this riddle, and creatively figure out how to split yourself without harm, the two paths again merge no later than Aug. 1, possibly before. But due to a curious quirk in the laws of life, the two forks never again converge if you follow just one of them now.

Mon-

Tues-

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have more in common with a marathon runner than a speed racer. Your best qualities tend to emerge when you’re committed to a process that takes a while to unfold. Learning to pace yourself is a crucial life lesson. That’s how you get attuned to your body’s signals and master the art of caring for physical needs. That’s also how you understand it’s important not to compare constantly to others’ progress. A temporary advertising representative yourself at 260-9770. exception to the rule? Just for now, it makes sense to run YOUR PROOF IF POSSIBLEfastATfor268-3655 a short time.

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RUNGEMINI DATE: (May 21-June 20): If you fling handfuls

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of zucchini seeds on the ground in a vacant

SaleslotRep today,_you shouldn’t expect neat rows of

ripe cucumbers to grow in your backyard in a couple of weeks. Even if you fling zucchini seeds in your backyard today, don’t expect straight rows of cucumbers growing there by June 1. If you carefully plant zucchini © in2014 seeds in neat rows your backyard now, don’t expect ripe cucumbers to sprout by August. The kicker: If you carefully plant cucumbers seeds in your backyard now, weed and water them as they grow, you can expect ripe cucumbers by August. CANCER (June 21-July 22): “If we want the rewards of being loved,” says cartoonist Tim Kreider, “we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.” How are you doing with the trade-off? Being a Crab, I know we’re sometimes inclined to hide who we really are. We have mixed feelings about being vulnerable and available enough to be fully known by others. We may even live without the love we crave, to prop up the illusion of strength that comes from being mysterious, concealing our depths. The weeks ahead are a good time to revisit the conundrum.

© 2014 LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): There’s a piece of art on the moon: a ceramic disk inscribed with six drawings by noted American artists. It went on Apollo 12 mission’s landing module, which took two astronauts to the lunar surface in November 1969. One artist, Leo maverick Andy Warhol, drew the image of a stylized penis, similar to what’s scrawled public restroom walls. “He was being the terrible bad boy,” the project’s organizer said about Warhol’s contribution. In the weeks ahead, don’t be like Warhol. If you’re asked to add your self-expression to a big undertaking, tilt toward sincerity, reverence and dignity. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The planet we’re on is in constant transformation. Nothing stays the same. To succeed, let alone survive, we need to acclimate to the relentless forward motion. “He not busy being born is busy dying,” was how Bob Dylan framed our challenge. How are you doing with this? Do you hate it but deal with it grudgingly? Tolerate it and aspire to master it someday? Whatever your attitude, in the months ahead, you may be more comfortable with the ceaseless flow – and even learn to enjoy it. Ready? 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “It isn’t that I don’t like sweet disorder,” said English author Vita Sackville-West, “but it has to be judiciously arranged.” That’s this week’s theme. Respect how precise this formulation is. Plain ordinary disorder won’t give the epiphanies and breakthroughs you deserve and need. The disorder must be sweet. If it doesn’t make you feel a bit excited and more in love with life, avoid it. It must be judiciously arranged – not loud, vulgar or profane. It must have wit, style and a tad of crazy wisdom. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I have three sets of questions. First, are you anyone’s muse? Is there a person who draws inspiration from how you live? Second: Are you strong medicine for anyone? Are you a source of riddles that confound and intrigue, compelling them to outgrow narrow perspectives? Third: Are you anyone’s teacher? An influence that educates about the meaning of life? If you have any of these roles, they’re about to heat up and change. If you don’t serve at least one, there’s a good chance you may soon. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): According to my astrological omen-reading, you draw inspiration from this Chinese proverb: “Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.” In other words, you need more downtime. Say NO to an influence saying, “Do it now! Be maniacally efficient! Multitask as if your life depends on it! The more active you are, the more successful you are!” Give yourself ample opportunity to play, chillax and daydream. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): In Raymond Chandler’s pulp fiction novel Farewell, My Lovely, main character detective Philip Marlowe says, “I needed a drink, I needed a lot of life insurance, I needed a vacation, I needed a home in the country. What I had was a coat, a hat and a gun.” In line with astrological omens, to figure out how you’re like Marlowe. Are there differences between what you think you need and what you have? Now’s the time to fix discrepancies. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): There’s a slightly better chance than usual that you’ll have a whirlwind affair with a Bollywood movie star on vacation. Odds are higher that you receive a tempting invitation from a secret admirer, meet the soul twin you didn’t know you were looking for, or get an accidental text message from a stranger who turns out to be the reincarnation of your beloved from a previous life. But the likelihood of all those pales in comparison to the chance that you’ll learn secrets on how to make yourself even more lovable PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Author Eva Dane defines writer’s block as what happens “when your imaginary friends stop talking to you.” Something like this has been happening lately – even if you’re not a writer. Some of the most reliable, sympathetic voices in your head are quiet: ancestors, dear friends no longer here, ex-lovers you still have feelings for, teachers who’ve stayed in your imagination, animals you once cared for who’ve departed, and maybe even some old-fashioned spirits and angels. Where did they go? What happened? They’re on a break. They may have thought it wise to let you fend for yourself a bit. Don’t worry. They’ll be back. Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD YOU CAN BE TOO RICH

Larry Ellison, CEO of Oracle Corp. (and the world’s fifth-richest person, according to Forbes) is a big basketball fan. In April, it was reported he had an interest in buying the Los Angeles Clippers NBA team. An associate told the Wall Street Journal, for example, that Ellison has basketball courts on at least two of his yachts and shoots hoops on the open water. To retrieve errant shots that go overboard, Ellison hires a ballboy in a powerboat to trail the yachts.

OVERKILL

Speaking on a popular Christian Internet podcast in March (reported by Houston’s KHOU-TV), Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City’s Church on the Rock described how, in a 2007 blessing, he might’ve prayed “too hard.” He was trying to help drought-stricken Texas and Oklahoma by using a specific prayer message (the “Baal divorce decree”), but it inadvertently resulted, he said, in “every lake” in Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri rising above flood stage, causing thousands of people to lose their homes and 22 to lose their lives.

HUSH, HUSH

In his March 23 sermon (according to The Huffington Post), Phoenix, Arizona, pastor Steven Anderson of Faithful World Baptist Church explained in detail why women in the congregation must refrain from speaking during services. Citing 1 Timothy 2:11 and 1 Corinthians 14, Anderson said the woman should learn only “in silence.” “Now obviously, before the service begins,” he conceded, “there’s chatting and talking going on that’s perfectly legitimate. [And when] we all sing praises to God, of course the ladies should also lift up their voices. But when it’s learning time, it’s silence time [for females].” He also said, since the comment “Amen” means “That’s true,” it’s inappropriate for females to utter it.

I WANT CANDY

At a Hindu temple in India’s Kerala state, the religious gift of choice — for offerings to deity Lord Muruga and for distribution from the deity to devotees — is a chocolate candy bar, which visitors bring in cartons, according to a March item from Press Trust of India. Muruga, son of the lord Shiva, was originally worshiped as a child, leading to speculation that he’d respond to chocolates.

DETAILS!

After convicted murderer Loren Larson Jr. filed a federal lawsuit in Anchorage, Alaska, claiming his prison wristband ID “defil[ed]” him religiously because it was a “mark of the devil,” a Goose Creek Correctional Center official lectured him on the Book of Revelation. Actually, wrote the official, we would be commanding the “mark of the beast” only if we ordered the ID either “in the right hand” or “in the forehead,” and neither is required by current wristband policy. Hence, the double-murderer, serving 198 years, still qualifies to avoid hell.

WHAT FORCE?

An unnamed British inmate published a letter in a prison newspaper in April alleging continuous religious discrimination against him by guards and officials. The man claims he’s a practicing Jedi (and of course can’t reveal his name because he fears retaliation “from the dark side”) and complains Jedi-ism, though officially recognized as a religion in the UK (the seventhmost popular, according to the census, with more than 175,000 adherents) is nonetheless unacknowledged by the National Offender Management Service.

INHUMANE SOCIETY

Denmark’s Copenhagen Zoo aroused worldwide ire in February when it slaughtered and publicly dismembered a healthy young giraffe (“Marius”) to feed a hungry lion. Then, in March, the Zoo killed four healthy lions to make room for a new male. By contrast, reported Vice.com in April, Denmark has no law against humans having sex with animals (unless it amounts to torture). Animal rights campaigners have expressed alarm that Denmark will be a destination for “animal sex tourism” attracting horny “zoophiles” from around the world.

TASTES LIKE CHICKEN

Manhattan’s New York Sushi Ko is only the most recent sophisticated restaurant to feature creative dishes made with Hormel Spam, and foodies and hipsters in fashionable neighborhoods have flocked to the foods. Spam is a well-known delicacy in Hawaii, and the New York facilities offer the island’s musubi (fried Spam, rice, seaweed) and other Spam fried rice bowls with seared ahi and flourishes of fresh pineapple, according to an April report on Gothamist.com. Sushi Ko’s chef playfully acknowledges his contents are fresh — “fresh from the can” — and sourced locally, “from the nearest bodega.”

O CANADA!

Skylar Murphy, 18, happened to show up at Alberta’s Edmonton International Airport in September 2013 with a black-powder-loaded pipe bomb in his carry-on, ready to board an international flight. Agents confiscated the bomb but allowed Murphy to continue his trip; in fact, police weren’t notified, nor were possible “terrorism” ties examined, until four days later. Canada’s version of the Transportation Security Administration isn’t allowed to apprehend or detain passengers. In December, the harsh hammer of justice finally banged down on Murphy. He was fined $100 and sentenced to a year of probation.

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

In March, Britain’s most-tattooed man (the former Mathew Whelan, 34, now “King of Ink Land Body Art The Extreme Ink-Ite”), whose body is 90 percent ink-covered, finally admitted he needed to undergo laser removal to clear up his skin. However, “Body Art,” as he’s known, explained he was spending about $10,000 on removal just so he could start over with new tattoos.

LEAST-COMPETENT FIRST RESPONDERS

In February, East Detroit High School swim instructor Johnathan Sails, 24, sitting poolside, dived in to help a drowning student — but only after first going to the locker room to change from his street clothes. He was charged with involuntary manslaughter when the student died. When a 6-year-old girl had her finger severed by a closing door in school in December, administrators at Dickinson School District near Houston called her parents to come take the girl to the hospital. The principal denied it was an “emergency,” since the girl’s finger had already been bagged in ice. When a fire alarm sounded in February at Como Park High School in St. Paul, Minnesota, one girl was in the school swimming pool, and the outside temperature was minus-5 degrees, but several faculty members insisted (by protocol) she leave the building dressed as she was (even barring her from waiting in a teacher’s car because it’s against the rules). Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

SPACED-OUT CUT-UP SMURF SHIRT, RED CONVERSE ISU dancing your own dance, apologized for male gender, took glasses off to dance. You: Retirement home server near Sawgrass; discussed labyrinth of suffering. Told me to wait; never returned. Me: Vest, purple shirt. When: May 9. Where: The Loft, Riverside. #1361-0514 TATTOOS & TRUCK You: Hot, tattooed boy, black truck. Me: Red lips, silver Rodeo. Drove side-by-side, JTB to Riverside. I turned on Park, lost you. Should’ve rolled my window down when you said hi at the light. Go for a drive? When: May 6. Where: JTB to I-95N. #1360-0514 I BOUGHT YOU A BUD LIGHT Met at the bar, you had a nice smile. Asked if I was in military, we complained about slow service. Told you I was married. Hope you’re interested in just friends. Let me know. When: May 3. Where: Acapulco’s. #1359-0514 HOT BUTCH GIRL Hey, black Incahoots cut-off shirt, name R_, #27 on back. Buff arms, legs; couldn’t take my eyes off u on rowing machine! You can row my boat anytime! ;-) Sincerely, Hot brunette femme, hot pink tank top. When: May 3. Where: Riverside YMCA. #1358-0507 MEET FOR BREAKFAST AGAIN? You: Detective, JSO Organized Crime Unit, PDDS Division. Me: Work from home for IT company. We sat beside each other at breakfast. Chatted; hoped you’d ask me out; you didn’t. Single? Meet for breakfast again? Get in touch. When: May 3. Where: U.S. 17 Waffle House. #1357-0507 CUTIE WITH TEA & HOOKAH Amsterdam, Tuesday 9-11 p.m. You: Zip-up hoodie, alone. We made eye contact. Me: Black dress. I went to bathroom; my friend said you’d leave number. So excited; you left suddenly without saying anything, before I said hey. Went outside, you were gone! Meet again? :) When: March 30. Where: Amsterdam Hookah Lounge. #1356-0507 HOT BRUNETTE, COLORFUL TOP, WHITE SHORTS You: Gorgeous brunette at Salty Pelican Saturday night; with a friend. We shared a moment; we both felt it. Hope you read this, hope to hear back. You’re one in a million – beautiful green-eyed brunette. When: April 26. Where: Salty Pelican, Fernandina. #1355-0507 BEAUTIFUL POKER PLAYER @ PLAYERS ISU after poker Wednesday night, Players Grill, with redheaded friend. Your beautiful blonde hair caught my eye. You: White top. Me: Black blue-striped golf shirt, admired you from the bar. You hugged girls; I want one of those hugs! When: April 23. Where: Players Grill. #1354-0430 YOU HELD DOOR OPEN FOR ME ... To go in. Me: Tall brunette, blue shirt. You: Brown hair, beautiful eyes, burgundy shirt/ jeans, black Chevy SUV or Escalade. I think you went in Walmart after I did. I looked for you; love to meet again. When: April 21. Where: Walmart Gas Station Philips Hwy. #1353-0430 ISU LOOKING AT ISU! At Mandarin Library; reading the back of Folio Weekly, laughing. Assumed it was ISU. You: Cute brunette, wonderful laugh. Me: Tall muscular brunette, checking DVDs out. Love to know the person behind the laughter. Where: Mandarin Library. When: April 16. #1352-0423 SO WAS IT THE ALTERNATOR? You: Inadvertently at my moving sale, Atlantic Beach, Sunday a.m., working on buddy’s wife’s Jeep. You looked sexy under the hood working with your hands; my morning was more exciting! Bummed you never returned. Take me for a ride in your Altima before it sells? I’ll handle the heat! Where: Eakin & Sneed Law Firm, AB. When: April 13. #1351-0423 MUDVILLE GRILLE TRIVIA NIGHT You: At bar, waiting for (first?) date. My buddy and I were woefully undermanned for trivia; you jumped in to help! Me: Blue-shirted guy with onion ring fetish. I like how we connected; you were busy when your date came. Did it work out? :-) Where: Mudville Trivia. When: April 4. #1350-0423

I SAW MY FUTURE ISU hanging at a friend’s. Looking into your eyes, there was something about you; you felt it, too. You: Blue jeans, black top; I remember smile most. Your voice was a sign from heaven; my angel was there for me to love. When: 2011. Where: Captiva Bluff. #1349-0416 DAD NEEDS CUSTOMER SERVICE Came in with daughter; you helped her find a skirt. Help me find a way to your heart? You: Short blonde hair, folding shirts, men’s section. Me: Salt & pepper, gray in beard, love to jog, hope things work out for us ;-). When: March 28. Where: Forever 21 Avenues. #1348-0416 PUBLIX SMILE & WAVE BLONDE BEAUTY Atlantic & Hodges Publix. You: Pretty blonde, blue eyes, blue workout clothes. Me: 6 feet tall, blue eyes, blue shirt. Eyes met on opposite lines. Almost sprained my neck. You smiled, waved, left. Should’ve run after. Both seasoned. Don’t get many chances for connection, desire I felt. Take a chance. When: April 3. Where: Publix Atlantic/Hodges. #1347-0409 ATLANTIC BLVD. CHOPPER HOTTIE W/ VA TAGS You: Harley jacket, copper Chopper westbound with buddy. Blowing me kisses. Me: Pink hair, tattoos, gray Chevy Cobalt. Come see me at Regis salon, Town Center so I can catch some kisses. When: April 3. Where: Atlantic Boulevard. #1346-0409 DONOVAN’S IRISH PUB You: Alone at bar, ball cap, having dinner, talked football with others. Me: Blonde, pink shirt across bar with friend. Made eye contact; I felt attraction across the room. Wish I had your name; didn’t want to be rude to friend. Asked bartender if you were a regular; sadly, didn’t know. Hope you see this. When: March 30. Where: Donovan’s. #1345-0409 POOL BOY & FORMER POOL GIRL We were parked next to each other. You weren’t satisfied with the car wash. I borrowed your vacuum. Loved your tattoo. I should have ... Haven’t/can’t stop thinking about you. When: Sunday, March 23. Where: CarBux San Jose. #1344-0402 BEAUTIFUL ASIAN AT PAPA JOHN’S ARGYLE You: Asian and beautiful, drives late model Hyundai. We made eye contact briefly. I feel like a fool for not asking for your number. Describe me and let’s start the revolution. When: March 19. Where: Papa John’s. #1343-0326 BURGER SLINGIN’ BEAUTY You: Breathtaking brunette behind counter, providing burgers to all lucky to be in your presence. Me: Tall, dark-haired gentleman, catches you gazing intimately into my eyes every Tuesday. OK, yes, it’s mutual. Skip small talk and make this thing official? When: March 18. Where: MShack Atlantic Beach. #1342-0326 CONVERSATION SURPRISE You: Attractive SWF, 5’2”-4”, 130, nonsmoker, athletic, late 50s-early-60s. Afternoon conversation, coffee, nearly choked when I asked about “friends with benefits LTR.” Gave your cell number; can’t find. Me: SWM, 5’8”, 185, nonsmoker, excellent health, early 70s, retired successful executive, homeowner. When: Jan. 15. Where: Starbucks. #1341-0312 SWEATY CYCLIST SEEKS SEXY SITTER You: Beautiful, Middle-Eastern-looking au pair, pumping Gate gas; two kids. Me: Fit, ginger, sun-glistened cyclist. Eyes locked, my heart pulled a wheelie. My Schwinn couldn’t catch your Audi. Drop kids; see what my cyclist pants can barely contain. When: March 1. Where: Gate Gas Station. #1340-0312 BATHROOMS & SOUP? Me: Short, red-headed woman, black uniform. You: Gorgeous blue eyes, grey shirt, almost-shaved blond hair. You asked where bathroom was; I answered. We saw each other in check-out lane. You and my mom talked about soup myths. I’d really like to get to know you. :) When: March 2. Where: Barnes & Noble, San Jose Blvd. #1339-0305 MOST BEAUTIFUL NURSE You: Most caring nurse I’ve ever seen. Short, brown-haired Latin goddess with glasses and always smiling. V., you are so good with the children you take care of. Would love to take you out some time. When: Feb. 7. Where: Wolfson ICU. #1338-0305

ATTENTION, HOPEFUL ISU WRITERS: The limit for these notices is 40 words. After this issue, all ISU submissions with more than 40 words will be disallowed. Please keep messages short & sweet: 40 words or fewer! Thanks! 36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

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Leave broke Murray the singer Wild and crazy USN rank * (see 48 Across) Peruses again Reveal accidentally A ___ bit Inherit Patriotic women’s org. Takes potshots * Underground blast, perh. Bagel flavor Writer Rand Raccoon cousin Cpl. or sgt. * Drink garnish Serious Invalidate Untainted Leaking sound Memory units Noisy birds Some studios, in ads

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1 Is, in math 2 Indiana city 3 Italian city (Pavarotti’s birthplace) 4 Got stuffed 5 Specially created, as a committee 6 Rapper-producer Green 7 Like Griffin in a Wells tale 8 Brit. mil. award 9 Ness and others 10 Up to our necks (in) 11 Country retreat 12 Intro to realism 13 Prohibition, e.g. 14 Cell division 15 Doffs one’s topper 16 Visit, as the bank 17 More peeved 19 “Stuff like that,” briefly 23 Lower

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24 ___ the groundwork 25 Tognazzi of “La Cage aux Folles” 31 Gives off 33 Matzoh ___ 34 Ferrell’s frequent partner in “SNL” skits 35 Glutton of the grape 36 Sheet music squiggle 38 Bank transaction 43 Some cigars 44 Horseshoe-shaped fastener 45 “In other words ...” 46 Put a spell on 47 Humpty’s perch 48 Go-between 49 Rap sheet data 50 Pollen producers 51 Period of fasting 52 Pre-board, e.g. 53 Appear briefly, as a parade rider 54 Burning 58 Napkin’s place 61 Refuses to grant 62 Trolley alerts 63 Grocery boxfuls 65 Ready to go 67 Scent follower 68 Mr. Chips portrayer 71 Pre-bout attire

76 Vaquero’s rope 77 Civil War photos and Mickey Mouse dolls, e.g. 78 “Button your lip!” 81 Craving 82 Spots 83 Dalmatian or Pomeranian, perhaps 84 Popular garden flower 85 Makes big changes in 87 Reacts to a sour note 88 Some ousted dictators 90 Yapper of Bedrock 92 Suppressed 93 Police ___ 94 Puts away 95 Wet bars? 96 Corporate letters 97 Make jack-o’-lanterns 98 Moppets 99 Ill-fated Corleone 100 Lisbon’s river 105 Bus. card abbr. 108 Putin’s old org. 109 Like some smiles 110 Morsel a horse’ll like 111 India-born character on “The Big Bang Theory” TV show 112 Books reviewer

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BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

TAKE BACK ’MERCA! Not from the black president,

but from the oligarchs who have eviscerated the middle class

he past few years, I’ve noticed the bumper stickers encouraging us to “Take Back America,” and I’ve wondered who is taking America back from whom? Well, I’ve not really been wondering; I am quite clear that these are rightwing bigots who are talking about taking America back from the un-American black guy who was elected democratically to govern, and that it’s a racist slogan. But it is still fascinating, and I do agree that America has been taken over by an un-American, uncapitalistic and undemocratic movement, an oligarchy that thoroughly controls our government and economy. The key to getting the middle class back into focus is to bring our economic system back to capitalism. In the capitalism envisioned by Adam Smith, competition drives the system. In a truly competitive economy, wages increase as businesses compete for the best labor. In competitive capitalism, consumers acquire better-quality products at lower prices. In competitive capitalism, instead of all the money going to corporate CEOs and Wall Street investors, profits are spread between reinvestment in the business and better wages to attract the best employees. Instead, we have fewer jobs at lower wages because there are fewer businesses, and therefore workers can be discounted. We do not have real capitalism in the United States, and haven’t had it since the deregulation under Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton. I contend that virtually all of the economic problems we face in this nation were caused by the deregulation of business, which allowed massive reductions and consolidations and the outsourcing of American jobs to the lowest-cost labor and unregulated environments. Monopoly is illegal, and was the target of Teddy Roosevelt 100 years ago. In his day, a few families controlled the big business enterprises — from banking to railroads, steel to oil. Roosevelt took the railroads from the control of the Vanderbilts, the oil industry away from Rockefeller, the banks from Morgan, the steel from Carnegie. Today we have a legal type of market control, oligopoly, but it is as destructive as the trusts were in Roosevelt’s day, and the government needs to break it up. Today, a few multinational corporations control all business enterprises in the United States and can dictate everything from the pricing of products to the wages they’re willing to pay to the location of their facilities. Since the Reagan years, we’ve seen the largest transfer of wealth from the middle class to the rich in the history of

humanity. Virtually all of the gains made in the American economy since Reagan have benefited the rich at the expense of the middle class. Democrats and Republicans agree that there are problems in an economy in which the prime beneficiaries of our productivity are a very few individuals who manipulate money rather than produce products or jobs. The solution to our economic situation, in which the top 1 percent has taken all the income that used to go to the middle class, is one that both liberals and conservatives should be excited to accept, as both claim to believe in capitalism as the best economic system. The solution is for government to take on the role of the trustbuster, to reregulate business and break up conglomerates. Government needs to be the umpire, the ombudsman for the citizens. Like the umpire in a baseball game, the role is to keep the game fair and ensure everyone is obeying the rules. That said, umpires do not favor one side over the other, but the

Can a mom-and-pop drugstore compete with CVS and Walgreens? Can a family farm compete with agribusiness? Can a downtown retail merchant compete with Walmart? With more competition and more private businesses, there are more jobs and higher wages. If a Walmart comes to a small town, all small businesses die. Walmart can sell products (most produced by 69-cents-an-hour Chinese labor without any environmental regulations) cheaper than mom-and-pops can buy them. Who in our political system will have the courage of Teddy Roosevelt? Who will be the trustbuster of the 21st Century? Who will take on the big banks and multinational enterprises? Who will truly fight for the American middle class by ending oligopoly and bringing real capitalism back to our country? Who will cut through their party and religious ideology and correct the injustice perpetrated on the American people and the middle class? What has occurred to our economy since the Reagan years is not an accident, and it’s not a natural progression; it was a strategy that served a very small group of people unbelievably well — increasing the family income of the top 1 percent 400-fold, while middle-class families stood still with two incomes instead of one — at the expense of the vast majority of Americans. If it was caused deliberately, then it can be repaired deliberately. I’m not saying the solution is easy — it won’t be easy to overtake big businesses and the politicians and judges they have purchased. Citizens United was a real signal of their clear intention and power. If we intend to survive as a democracy, and if our people want the ability to thrive as a middle-class society, the power must be wrested away from the oligopoly. This is not a left/right, conservative/liberal, Democrat/ Republican issue. This is an issue of the basic ability of Americans to thrive and support families in the new global environment. The only reason America is losing its position as having the strongest middle class in the world is because we have empowered an “over”-class to dominate our economy for their own benefit. At this point, it’s either us or them — the middle class or the oligarchs. Which side are you on? I for one will vote for the middle class, capitalism and the destruction of oligopoly. The Walmart nation benefits no one but Walmart.

Since the Reagan years, we’ve seen the largest transfer of wealth from the middle class to the rich in the history of humanity. government’s role should be to favor the citizens and the longterm interests of our society. Only by eliminating oligopoly and encouraging real capitalism with its competition and Smith’s invisible hand can this country re-embrace the middle-class economic engine of the ’50s, ’60s and ’70s. The year 1976 was when America had the least economic inequality. Since the “Reagan Revolution,” we have become the most unequal society in the Western developed world. This did not happen by accident; it happened by allowing mergers, consolidations and takeovers that benefited CEOs and big stockholders but not workers, consumers or society in general. Today there are four major cellphone companies, five major hotel chains, five big banks and three American car manufacturers (one owned by an Italian company); even our media is dominated by a very small number of players, thereby endangering our very democracy. This same pattern is true of virtually every industry and business in the U.S. today. Restaurants are perhaps the final domain of the capitalist entrepreneur. Even there, however, does a mom-and-pop pizza shop truly compete with Pizza Hut, Papa John’s or Dominoes?

Steven L. Stoll mail@folioweekly.com

The author is an adjunct professor of sociology at St. Johns River State College.

Folio Weekly welcomes Backpage Editorial submissions. Essays should be no more than 1,200 words and on a topic of local interest or concern. Email your Backpage to mail@folioweekly.com. Opinions expressed on the Backpage are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of the editors or management of Folio Weekly.

38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 14-20, 2014

MAY 14-20, 2014 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39