It’s an established and indisputable fact that crackpot convicted felon Donald Trump (whose actual German surname is Drumpf) is a far right-wing racist fan of Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler. As you no doubt recall, Don the con’s first wife Ivana said deranged Donal d keeps transcripts of some of Hitler’s most infamous speeches by his bedside for traitor Trump’s late-night reading pleasure.
On the one hand, I’m glad to hear that Trump the chump can actually read, since that’s been in question amongst those who have had the unfortunate displeasure of working for dimwitted Donald who is by far the dumbest person to ever set foot in the Oval Office , even dumber than that conservative cocaine addict alcoholic warmonger George Bush, Junior (if that’s even possible).
On the other hand, one has to ask the obvious and unavoidable question about foolish fuhrer Trump’s proposed incoming policy of surveilling, harassing, arresting, and incarcerating millions of Latinos for supposed deportation (for mass extermination, actually). Will the GOP neo-Nazi concentration camps that “conservatives” (fascists) are calling for all have the treasonous Trump family name emblazoned in gold at the entrances of America’s new versions of Auschwitz and Treblinka?
How many billions of dollars will these corrupt Trump troglodytes personally pocket in the creation of the Trump Crime Family Death Camps to come? And Jewish-American rabbis are for the most part either completely quiet about traitor Trump being an avowed neo-Nazi or too busy hating Palestinians. Those charged with protecting us have failed. The time has come for preemptive, patriotic acts of American self-defense against Putin’s puppets. Do what must be done! And don’t forget to have fun.
As a message for our slow-to-act military leadership, why not go ahead and give demented, diabolical Donald Trump precisely what that Russia-loving traitor is begging for?
Jake Pickering
BOUQS & BRICKS
BOUQUETS BRICKBATS
To Feeding North East Florida for making it easier for those in need to find free groceries, hot meals, soup kitchens and food pantries. One of those ways is a web app that allows users to search for the food pantries closest to them — feedingnefl.org/find-food-now. With Thanksgiving in mind, we give them special thanks for everything they do.
To the Extraordinary Men of Jax for hosting their annual Thanksgiving Turkey Giveaway. The organization, which develops community through mentoring, social awareness and citizen involvement to create a strong foundation for the future, will be giving away turkeys Nov. 23 from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. at Panama Park. (Note: Limit one per adult, two adults per car. While supplies last.)
To the Jacksonville City Council for not approving a proposed resolution addressing the need for broader healthcare coverage in Duval County. The proposed resolution would have called upon state legislators to work toward Medicaid expansion, as the potential for Medicaid expansion would most likely lower mortality rates and chronic conditions. Approximately 112,000 residents in Duval Country are uninsured — and any more are still underinsured — making the county 46th of 67 in health outcomes statewide. The committee vote was tied but was automatically deferred due to the absence of Councilmember Jimmy Peluso.
HOROSCOPES
Words by Ambar Ramirez & Carmen Macri
ARIES
Are you preparing for your pre-retrograde kickoff of your ruling planet, Aries? As Mars does what it does best, Plu to will also be preparing for its permanent departure from Capricorn on Nov. 19 which is a hail mary for you. This could prove to either be the best or the worst month of your life — it all depends on how you handle the cards you will be dealt.
TAURUS
November usually brings cooler weather, but for you, Taurus, things are warming up … romantically speaking. With Mercury shifting into your eighth house of deep connections, transformation and rebirth, you’ll find it easier to spark meaningful conversations and romantic connections. This cosmic shift also creates the perfect opportunity to explore new things, both in and outside the bedroom.
GEMINI
It may be time to lay off the caffeine this month, Gemini, as your anxiety may be through the roof. The new moon on Nov. 1 was only the beginning. Mars will continue its cat and mouse game with Leo and Cancer until the mid dle of 2025 causing you to feel even more decisive than before.
CANCER
Your love life and relationships, Cancer, are a lot like the economy a president leaves behind — you don’t see the full effects until the following term. Not exactly ideal, right? After all, who doesn’t want immediate results? But here’s the good news, little crab: Pluto is wrapping up its 16-year cycle through Capricorn, bringing closure to those intense relationship lessons you’ve been navigating.
LEO
With the Sun in Scorpio this month, you may feel like hid ing behind a curtain. I mean how could you possibly deal with the spotlight being on someone else? That being said, the Sun is also in your fourth house pulling on those heart strings of yours. Think of yourself as a sponge this month, absorb everything and eventually, wring yourself out and start over.
VIRGO
Saturn’s retrograde in Pisces has been giving you a hard time these last couple of months, Virgo. You’ve seen re lationships (whether platonic or romantic) come and go. Some strengthened, some weakened. If you haven’t al ready figured it out already, everything happens for a rea son. And with Saturn resuming its usual path on Nov. 15, you can finally start paving your own path with emotional liberation.
FOLIO WEED
SURVEYING THE WRECKAGE
Words by Shelton Hull
This column is being written two days after an election day that, by my own personal standards, was a total disaster in every conceivable way. Let’s quickly address the elephant in the room, so to speak: I despise Trump and his supporters, and I have no respect for them or their poisonous worldview. But it’s a free country, so to each their own. This is a weed column, and we’ll pivot to that shortly, after we talk about the broader context of Amendment 3, and how what looked to be a virtual lock all year became a casualty of our state’s dysfunctional political dynamic.
You can get your political analysis from the same alt-right flunkies that gaslit liberals into making zero effort in Florida or the states adjoining it. Y’all gave them all the money and the clout, and they led us straight off a cliff, and now they’re gonna spend the next four years flexing on us while we bury our friends. Great job, rubes! Florida was very much in play until they decided they didn’t want to play. The Harris-Walz ticket made zero appearances in Florida. It’s unclear if that would have helped them in Florida, but it would’ve definitely helped the dozens of other Democratic candidates in our 67 counties, most of whom lost because their own leaders didn’t believe in them, so why should voters?
Only six of Florida’s 67 counties voted “yes” on Amendment 3, including Duval County, which passed it by less than a single percentage point. Credit to Mayor Donna Deegan for endorsing it. Even though she gave the scoop to the wrong media outlet, and they buried it, so it never got any actual traction, at least she had the courage to speak up for it, whereas most of her peers ran from it, the same way Democrats have run from weed for the past 30 years straight.
It’s almost ironic that the only real loss for Trump in Florida was on Amendment 3, but it’s not like that was ever a priority. In retrospect, Trump’s endorsement kinda killed its chances because there was no possibility of Democrats giving it any real hype, especially after he began meeting with Brady Cobb of Sunburn Cannabis and Kim Rivers of Trulieve, who basically took the whole thing from start to finish, single-handedly. They spent something like $100 million to get this done, and with billions on the line, the voters simply failed to do their part.
Pro-3 forces overestimated the sensibility of the proposal, and anti-3 forces controlled the debate from day one—specifically Gov. Ron DeSantis, who used taxpayer money to successfully defeat both amendments 3 and 4, plowing millions into a disinformation campaign that went months with minimal pushback from the media because TV stations need that ad revenue. (All the top names are either gone, or on their way out, so they can’t cut those budgets any more, in theory.) Props to Tiffany Salameh at WJXT, who did a yeoman’s work trying to hold him to account in a media vacuum but basically DeSantis won. He may not be a lame duck after all. Given the national results, I’d expect next year’s legislative session to be the most brutal in Florida’s history, and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him now.
Granted, having a woman as the face of this effort was probably a bad idea, especially in a year where violent misogyny was the milkshake that brought all those (f*ck)bois to the yard. Think of all those folks who can normally be barely bothered to vote, but they’re suddenly worried about home grow. It’s the same nonsense that killed the petition drive in 2022, and it’s now been used to kill the best chance at legalization that Florida may ever have. Only a woman could get John Morgan and Donald Trump on the same page about anything.
To be fair, the cannabis market has grown by leaps and bounds over the past decade, and there seemed to be no limit to its potential. But with three out of four states rejecting similar things. We may have finally seen the limits of the plant’s appeal. Basically, every cannabis firm in the state, if not the country, had been operating for most of the year on the assumption that we’d vote “yes” on 3 and push that market into the mid-nine figures into low-10 territory, and every single one of them is now kinda screwed because there will be no growth next year, and depending on what DeSantis wants to do, we may even see a contraction of that market.
With all apologies to Guy Fawkes, we will always remember the Fifth of November, but not for any good reason. The election was fitting conclusion to a brutal year.
ARTIST BY ACCIDENT: RJ HIGGINS
“I’m RJ Higgins and I’m an artist, kind of by accident.”
Words & photos by Lorelei Belanger
In 2010, RJ Higgins had an ATV accident, fracturing C1, C2, C3 and bursting C4 vertebrae in his neck. He was paralyzed from the neck down with many people thinking he would be “fully paralyzed and driving a wheelchair with [his] chin.” Higgins started to slowly regain function and movement over time. He said every time he started to gain any kind of new movement, he would capitalize on it and work even harder.
Higgins was unable to return to his very physical job as an industrial mechanic. He also decided he needed to find a purpose in his life and something to do with his time, so he went back to school. He started going to classes but quickly realized he couldn’t take notes because he couldn’t write due to the lack of function in his hands. Prior to his accident, Higgins was right handed, which was damaged so significantly in the accident, it was virtually useless after the accident. He was able to steer his motorized wheelchair with his left hand, but “that was about it.”
He needed to fill his elective classes, so he signed up for a watercolor class, “I thought it would be easy because we all did watercolor in kindergarten and elementary school. I was really wrong. Watercolor is one of the hardest mediums in the world to do painting wise, in my opinion.” At his professor’s suggestion, he also enrolled in a drawing class. “And as it turns out,” Higgins said, “ I could actually draw and I could actually paint.” In addition to giving him a mental boost, the classes helped learn how to use his left hand, gaining motor control and dexterity. He stuck with art, and about five years later decided to try to teach himself how to weld left handed. “I went to Harbor Freight, bought the crappiest little welder I could find and just kept practicing. And eventually, I figured out that I could do it,” he said. And while he knows he could never get his welding certification, learning how to weld with his left hand gave him an outlet and a purpose.
Having purpose is important for everyone, according to Higgins. “If you don’t have purpose, you’re just wandering around aimlessly. You’re lost. So that was pretty impactful,” he added. Eventually, he started showing the pieces he was creating to people and his work started to gain traction, which began to give him opportunities to have pieces at local art galleries and markets.
Having a spinal cord injury, Higgins has dealt with many challenges throughout his career as an artist. One of the most frustrating, he said, is having only one hand to do things — and that comes with it own challenges, like spasticity. “Out of nowhere, it’ll be like a sudden surge of electricity and my hand will just jump.” But the most challenging part, he said, is not being able to feel his hands, requiring him to look at his hands while he’s working. He also said exhaustion at the end of the day is a big struggle, “when you spend your whole day going, don’t squeeze too hard, trying to concentrate on making your hands do things, when you don’t know if it’s listening or not, it gets pretty fatiguing”.
From flamingos to pufferfish, Higgins’ portfolio includes anything ocean related you could think of. Growing up on the eastern shore of Maryland, he said you were either working on the water or on a farm, and although he did both, he said there is something about being out on the water that he just can’t describe.He started surfing when he turned 16 and immediately he was hooked. Being on the water, seeing the life in it fascinates him, so he has always been drawn to it.
His design process is unique, in that he doesn’t come up with ideas before finding materials or planning out his pieces. He lets the ideas and pieces find him, “I never really know what I’m going to make until I start grabbing stuff. I don’t sit around and draw up ideas. I don’t have journals or sketchbooks full of ideas. I will go grab pieces of wood or metal out of the pile and something about the piece, whether it be the shape or if it has a funny knot in the wood that looks like an eye, the way a piece of metal is bent or something as simple as the color of the metal”. A friend once brought him a couple of freon and helium tanks, he threw a bent piece of rebar over them and he instantly saw a flamingo neck and pink feathers. He is currently working on a school of eclectic fish, each fish is made with shapes of wood that he found in a pile. He said some will look weird, because they are made with weird shaped pieces of wood, which are his favorites since he “doesn’t have to make them look like anything, it’s unfettered creativity”.
As an artist, it can be tough to come up with new ideas, or hit creative blocks, but Higgins has an unique approach to dealing with this. He doesn’t struggle much with finding the idea, since the idea typically finds him, but he does get hung up on the next step sometimes. Instead of getting frustrated and sitting there stuck, he’ll place it in a prominent spot in his shop so he sees it as he passes by. “Have you ever seen the Lego movie? Where you see all of the little numbers and they show the master builders. That’s kind of how it is, where Ijust walk past things and see shapes and stuff and out of nowhere it’ll hit me”. He will sometimes turn pieces he isn’t proud of into something else, like a mermaid he’s been working on for two years for example, he’s made the upper torso out of metal three times but hasn’t liked any of them so, he puts it back up and keeps looking at it.
“I’ve learned, not just with artwork but with most things in life, you just settle down and don’t try to rush past it or force it. Everything kind of settles out where it needs to be. You just have to be patient.”
Another unique aspect of Higgins’ work is the source of his materials. All of his materials, with the exception of paints, stains, pigments and sealers, are reclaimed and recycled. The wood and metal he uses are brought to him by friends or followers. He has a friend, who owns an HVAC business, which is where most of the sheet metal for his projects comes from, he also brings him empty units and other components. Some of his followers from Steinhatchee brought him 12 satellite dishes recently. Another couple that follows him live on the river and collect driftwood while kayaking for Higgins. Frequently, friends and followers will message Higgins asking if he wants things they have or see others getting rid of.
If you’re looking to learn more about RJ Higgins’ story, or want to see his work in action, he posts his pieces in many different stages on Instagram and Facebook @artbyrjhiggins. He even shows what the pieces were before he turned them into incredible artwork. Or, checkout his website artbyrjhiggins.com. He is also at the St.Augustine Amphitheatre farmers market every Saturday.
Words by Carmen Macri
SUPER SURFER GIRL LANEA MONS
The Super Girl Surf Pro returned to Jacksonville for its fourth consecutive year, Nov. 8-10, while the competition itself celebrated its 18th anniversary. Originally held exclusively in Oceanside, California, where it featured surfing, skateboarding and even snowboarding, the event has expanded its reach and adapted to its Jacksonville setting. While snowboarding isn’t on the roster here, Jacksonville’s lineup includes beach volleyball, beach lacrosse, flag football and a DJ contest, bringing plenty of excitement to our shores. Not to mention huge stage performances by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts and CeeLo Green.
Launched in 2007 to showcase women in action sports, the Super Girl Pro Series stands as the only large-scale, all-women’s event of its kind, combining action sports, esports and lifestyle. Built around celebrating female strength and empowerment, it’s grown into four major festivals that create social, athletic, cultural, educational and business opportunities for young women in spaces where they’re often underrepresented.
The spotlight was, not surprisingly, on the talented surfer girls — and one standout was especially close to home. This 15-year-old hailing from Atlantic Beach has only been surfing for five years but has already achieved an impressive eighth place ranking in the Women’s Qualifier Series (QS). Lanea Mons has made quite the name for herself quickly rising up the ranks within the World Surf League (WSL). Luckily, “Folio” got to chat with Mons in between a few surf sessions before the event kicked off on Friday to see how she was faring.
“The most important thing is to have fun with it,” she said. “If you’re not having fun, it’s not worth it.”
Growing up in Atlantic Beach gave Mons a unique advantage. While Florida’s waves aren’t consistently big, the severe storms and hurricanes bring in a “gnarly swell,” giving local surfers the chance to practice in diverse conditions. Unlike the more predictable weather on the West Coast, the First Coast’s intense storms have helped Mons develop skills that set her apart in the surfing community.
Lanea Mons ranks eighth in the Womens Qualifier Series.
“Surfing here I do surf a lot of small waves, but during this time of year, we get a lot of nor’easters, superstorms and surf. And I’ve always made myself go out when it’s like that because I quite enjoy it,” Mons shared. “I spend a lot of time out when it’s stormy, so I think that it helped me understand the ocean a bit better because it takes a lot of skill to read the ocean when it’s like that. I think that has definitely translated into learning how to understand other waves.”
Mons first took to surfing at age 10, quickly falling in love with the sport and even entering her first surf contest that same year. She joined the WSL in 2021 and steadily climbed the ranks. Earlier this year, she took first place at the WRV Outer Banks Pro — an especially meaningful win, as it’s home to one of her favorite waves and a spot she’s spent years surfing and appreciating. The year prior, she landed silver at the International Surfing Association’s (ISA) World Junior Surfing Championship, a competition for the world’s top U-16 and U-18 shortboard surfers.
“It’s difficult because, with surfing, I am traveling a lot. Having to balance school with that is tough, but I’m pretty far ahead. I am taking more difficult classes than most people my age,” Mons explained. “When I’m gone surfing and traveling, I try my best to focus on that, but when I’m back home I always try my best to catch up so I don’t fall behind.”
At just 15, Mons is living the dream as a professional surfer—a proud achievement for her and her family. But like any teenager, she’s also expected to keep up with her education, and, true to form, she’s gone above and beyond in the classroom as well. Mons is a straight-A student in both honors and AICE programs at Florida Virtual School.
Although Mons didn’t take first place overall at the Super Girl Surf Pro, she did place first in her heat — a win in its own right given the fierce competition. And it is only up from here. With all she’s achieved in only five years of surfing, imagine where she’ll be in 10.
FAIR DINKUM: KING STINGRAY TAKES FLORIDA
Words by Shelton Hull
“Life in Australia is always kind of wild, especially when you live in the bush,” said Roy Kellaway, the leader of King Stingray, who was about as far from the bush as possible when his band opened for King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard at the St. Augustine Amphitheatre on Nov. 20. “We’ve been to the states a couple of times, but never to Florida, so we’re pumped.” So was the audience, who had been buzzing about this concert since it was announced just a few weeks before.
“This is definitely a massive level-up for us,” he said. “Doing these big rooms is definitely a first in the states. We’ve done this in Australia but never in the U.S.” It was very much a debut tour in that sense. There’s so much prep that goes into this, and we’re finally here!” Kellaway called in from his hotel in Los Angeles, where he and his mates had just arrived to begin their biggest tour to date, a national run in support of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, which was arguably the biggest of several Aussie bands to make a splash stateside. Having never been a professional musician myself, it was impossible to imagine the feeling they must have had as they began the biggest adventure of their lives.
“It’s such an opportunity, especially for the Yolgnu boys, who sing in English and their native tongue. It’s an opportunity to showcase the Aboriginal culture that they’re all so proud of, and show a little bit of what life is like for us, at the top end of Australia,” he added.
Kellaway was a second-generation rocker, the son of Stuart Kellaway, who made his name in the ’80s with bands like Swamp Jockeys and later Yothu Yindi, a group that had many of the same musical and demographic attributes as King Stingray. “They were big in the ’80s and ’90s, and we were keeping that legacy strong in our own Aboriginal surf-rock sort of way.” Kellaway and lead singer Yirrŋa Yunupiŋu originally met as children because they both had parents in Yothu Yindi.
(The band also includes Dimathaya “Dima” Burarrwanga on guitar, didgeridoo and vocals, Yimila Gurruwiwi on didgeridoo and vocals, Campbell Messer on bass, banjo and vocals, and Lewis Stiles on vocals and drums.)
Their first single, “Hey Wanahaka,” was released in October 2020 on Bargain Bin Records, their original label, which is owned by The Chats, another Aussie band that has caught fire in the U.S. They signed to Cooking Vinyl Records in August 2021 and released their self-titled debut album a year later. Their second album, “For the Dreams,” was just released Nov. 8. Their work is probably the most direct representation of aboriginal culture that you’ll find in mainstream media, especially in America, and that position carries a certain emotional weight that they all feel to their core.
“I think what’s really special is that we’re motivated by so much, you know?” said Kellaway. “A lot of people are probably quite unfamiliar with the life that we live and where we come from. It’s a very unique part of the world, so isolated and remote. Our singer, Dima, lives on a beach with his family, miles and miles away from any village or city. And he’s got a pet crocodile who lives wild in the ocean there. It’s so uniquely an Australian story, even within Australia.” Florida and Australia have always had a weird, unspoken bond, so this tracks.
It helps a lot that King Stingray’s biggest tour yet is being undertaken with their fellow Aussies, as both have risen to prominence along basically parallel tracks. “We love everything about them, you know?” said Kellaway. “They have that real DIY philosophy of being prolific, and we’re very much inspired by what they do. They come from Melbourne and watching them grow and succeed has been really nice to see. We’ve had their support ever since we first hit the scene. It’s definitely a ‘pinch me’ moment to be touring with them.”
“It doesn’t matter what language you’re singing in,” Kellaway added. “Their language is only spoken by a few thousand people around the world, but it still resonates.”
OVERPASS PROTESTOR CONTROVERSY
Words by Ambar Ramirez & Carmen Macri
If posters with phrases like “No On Four,” “Pro-Israel,” “Make America Great Again” or “TRUMP” seem familiar and bring vivid images to mind, you’ve probably driven past Emerson and University on I-95, where right-leaning protesters often gather on the infamous overpass. And if you are anything like us, you want to march up the stairs and rip everything down for the fun of it. Legally speaking, we could since a sign permit is required for all signs, freestanding or ground signs, building wall signs, awning signs, under canopy signs, projecting signs and roof signs according to the city of Jacksonville.
Now before you lose your head, we’re journalists and understand the importance of the First Amendment. In fact, we are probably the biggest First Amendment advocates. Our distaste for the infamous overpass protesters has nothing to do with what they are protesting, it’s actually a concern for safety (and the shoving of their opinions on the innocent drivers AKA us every single morning.) And we are not the only mildly concerned but incredibly annoyed citizens.
The demonstrators only seem to show up when an election’s around the corner, whether it’s local or national. No matter the political stakes, these campaigners are more than happy to broadcast who and what they’re backing — free of charge. But here’s the problem: they’re technically not allowed to be there, so how are they? It’s not just a few signs slapped up and done. No, they camp out on the footbridge from dawn till dusk, guarding their setup and making sure no one comes by to take down the signs.
The law prohibiting the projection of unauthorized signs was only recently implemented in January 2023, following incidents where antisemitic signs and banners appeared on highway overpasses along I-10. Although government officials responded to these displays, they were initially unable to take action, as the signage and the group responsible were protected under free speech laws.
This new law didn’t come easy, as one could assume. Nobody likes their constitutional rights questioned (whether it’s hateful, racially insensitive or not), which is why this law had to be particularly worded. The bill addresses only “unauthorized signs” and says nothing about the content. If anyone is found projecting signs onto any public space or building, the violation would result in a second-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to 60 days in jail, a fine of no less than $2,000 and confiscation of any equipment or vehicles used in the projection.
As stated in a Jax Today article “Projected messages outlawed. But could the new law be challenged?” Jacksonville City Council President Terrance Freeman, along with council members LeAnna Cumber and Matt Carlucci, announced the bill on Jan. 19 stating “that hate has no place in Jacksonville.” While the bill “won’t change the hearts and minds of those who spew hate,” Freeman said, it complies with the First Amendment because it does not base prosecution on the content of the message, but whether the projection has the owner’s consent.
This is just the instance that called for the law to be put into place, that is not to say that the lonely protester on top of the I-95 overpass was promoting hate: They just should not have been there. And if there is a law in place, how were they able to be there every day leading up to the presidential election with seemingly no repercussions? We can only assume it’s because law enforcement simply did not care — or they agreed with the signage.
There’s no chance the police just didn’t notice the protesters — not only is this happening on the busiest highway in Jacksonville, but we also know for a fact they were informed. We asked our readers if overpass protestors had any influence on them or if they just kept driving, and here’s what they had to say:
CATE DOBBINS
“It depends upon the overpass - if it’s the pedestrian walkway over 95 between Emerson and University that is a Department of Transportation structure within the highway right of way, and it is illegal to be there unless you are specifically passing between point A and B using that bridge. So I call the JSO non-emergency number EVERY EFFING TIME I SEE THEM and they make them leave. It’s a dangerous driver distraction, which is why the police have been educated and are enforcing the law now…”
ARIAL BAKER
“If you drive down Hendricks toward University from San Marco you can also find more signs in someone’s front yard facing the street in the exact same handwriting… in case anyone ever wanted to send a letter or give the police an address…”
PETER T. LACOMB JR.
“I mostly just want to make a big ‘God is not real’ sign to set up on the pedestrian walkway over I95 near Emerson/University.”
ANNIE ORENDA
“Just keep driving while also respecting their right to peacefully demonstrate.”
FIREPIT MIKE
“Call the JSO non-emergency line at 904-630-0500”
ALLISON BOSS
“Depends on what it is, truly.”
VENETIAN PRINCESS CARNEVALE
Rumor Has It
Is First Baptist Church controlling Downtown development?
It’s one of the oldest and largest Baptist congregations in Jacksonville. And probably one of the most influential. Whether you were born and raised in Jacksonville or moved to this bold city in recent years, chances are you know of First Baptist Church.
Founded by co-pastors James McDonald and Ryan Frier, this megachurch’s roots go back to 1838, when it was known as Bethel Baptist Church. The first gatherings were held at a local plantation called Mother Sam’s until 1861, when a permanent location was established Downtown on Laura Street, where they still hold property today. Bethel Baptist Church remained interracial until the Civil War, at which point the white members took the Black congregation members to court over ownership of the church to segregate it permanently. The court ruled in favor of the Black members, granting them ownership of Bethel Baptist Church. Afterward, the white members left to establish Tabernacle Baptist Church, later renamed First Baptist Church. In an ironic turn, despite Bethel Baptist’s court victory securing the name and property, First Baptist (then Tabernacle Baptist Church) bought the property downtown in 1886.
All of this is to say that any business that has stood this long, religious or not, is due to its controversy. It’s a rite of passage if you will. And the 175-year-old First Baptist Church, founded on somewhat debatable terms, is not exempt from that rule.
This isn’t an attack on religion or churches but a comment on what is supposed to be a separation of church and state. And if you were to take a magnifying glass to this general idea that has, in recent years, been completely disregarded, you’ll find an interesting relationship between downtown Jacksonville and First Baptist Church. It seems that the growth or lack thereof is intertwined with the growth and development of the First Baptist Church. All that said, a lot of this is speculative and based on rumors. But any good rumor is based on some truth. And it’s not one I came up with on my own. This rumor goes back to eight years ago when Reddit user BruxellesBlonde posted the following prompt to a thread on r/Jacksonville titled “How is First Baptist controlling Downtown”: “What have been some of the more publicized moves by them to limit bars and general debauchery? How much influence do they have on city council? Who are the individuals responsible for that influence?”
One of the first comments on the thread brought up something I have heard whispers about in conversations with friends.
[deleted] 8y ago
Section 656.805 of the Jacksonville ordnances
(d) There shall be not less than 1,500 feet from an established school or church for the on-premises consumption of alcoholic beverages, not in conjunction with the service of food, except as specifically provided herein.
This means you can’t open a bar or club within 1500 feet of any of FBC’s downtown properties. And for downtown to become a more vibrant location this law would need to be changed, but FBC has heavy influence over the city council because they’re not afraid to preach politics and tell people to vote against council members who go against their will.
This is a long standing issue, going back to 2004 as shown in this Jax Business Journal editorial.
BruxellesBlonde 8y ago
This is exactly what I was looking for. How can we bring down this ordinance? Funny how FBC probably vilifies adultery bit has spent decades in bed with the city. Back to my OQ. How can we get rid of this ordinance? Unless they’re Westboro Baptist, they’ll break under local and national pressure. It’s such a shame they’ve been so petty with liquor licenses and the 1500 feet rule. They’re treating bars like most states treat pedophiles. It’s sheer assininery.
Despite this post being eight years old, upon further research, I found that this ordinance is still very much active. Under Jacksonville’s code of ordinances under part 8-Alcoholic Beverages, section 656.805 it says the following:
“(b) There shall be not less than 500 feet from an established school or church for the off-premises consumption of alcoholic beverages, including beer and wine, and not less than 500 feet from an established adult entertainment or service facility.
(d) There shall be not less than 1,500 feet from an established school or church for the on-premises consumption of alcoholic beverages, not in conjunction with the service of food, except as specifically provided herein.”
Another comment on the thread caught my eye:
mrwebguy 8y ago I believe they buy up liquor licenses and whatnot as well to control that side of things.
Good news is that licenses, including but not limited to liquor licenses, are public record. Bad news is (depending on which way you lean on these types of topics) there was no legal document or license listed under First Baptist Church, though I did find that St. Mark’s Episcopal Church owns a liquor license. But that isn’t to say that this rumor is completely based on nothing. It could very well be the case that the liquor licenses that the First Baptist Church is rumored to be buying up could be owned under an alias or more than one.
Truth be told, I exhausted any resources I could to find out if this specific rumor is true. I even tried looking up any licenses possibly owned under the name of some of the church’s staff members and came up short. That aside, one thing we know for sure is that First Baptist Church owns a good chunk of buildings on Laura Street. Meaning that no club or bar can operate 1,500 feet from these megabuildings. And not to sound like a broken record, but because of this ordinance and because of the First Baptist Church’s location, it inherently creates a block on Downtown’s potential for growth.
This image highlights the 10 blocks First Baptist church owned in 2008, but in 2019, the megachurch revealed that they planned to sell nine of the 10 city blocks it owned due to the inability to financially support any renovations and general upkeep. In an article posted on “The Florida Times-Union” in 2020, head pastor Heath Lambert said, “‘Every day in the month of July, I don’t care who you are, you had more money in your bank account than First Baptist Church did,” Lambert told the congregation on Sept. 8. “Every single day. If you had $1 in your bank account, you had more money than First Baptist Church of Jacksonville, and we are spending $1.2 million a month.’”
At one point the congregation was a force in Jacksonville and its politics, however, over the years First Baptist presence began to shrink. In 2020, First Baptist sold most of its buildings for $1.13 million, according to city records, to EJPC LLC. In 2022, First Baptist sold two more of its properties — a church auditorium at 119 W. Beaver St. and a parking garage at 712 N. Hogan St. — for $8.39 million. Money from this purchase went into renovating and revitalizing what is now their main headquarters, the historic Hobson Auditorium at 124 W. Ashley St and the Lindsay Memorial Auditorium at 125 W. Ashley St.
In another Reddit thread posted two years ago, more information, speculation and rumors are brought to light. I’ll let them speak for themselves.
r/jacksonville 2y ago
doctordevices01
Rumor of Churches/other organizations holding back downtown developement
I have heard talk from people over the years that one of the main reasons downtown development/entertainment is stagnant is due to the influence large churches have in the City.
I have no idea if this is true or just rumor, and was wondering if anyone had additional information on the topic.
The information provided to me says basically that Church or Church affiliated organizations own a majority of the land/liquor licenses downtown and will not part with them to allow for the development of bars or restaurants and other entertainment that would help the downtown. It is also rumors that a majority of city council members or officials who can in act change are in the pocket of the Church.
Is there any truth what I have stated above? I would love to know more and learn what has caused our downtown to suffer so much. I never want to be one to spread false information but I have heard this information quoted by several different people
I appreciate the responses in advanced and apologize for any ignorance from my sources.
[deleted] 2y ago
Pretty much everybody found somewhere else to do what they wanted as the city expanded - riverside, San Marco, the beaches, and even st Augustine. Concerts have starting coming back to Jacksonville proper but if it’s a stage show, it could wind up out in clay county at sijr or st Augustine at the amphitheater. Who wants to be downtown when the jail lets people out at 9-10 pm looking for a pay phone or a ride? If you want to hit a bar or a brewery, you have choices all over town, the same for decent/fine dining. Jobs aren’t centered downtown but scattered across the entire city from the port all the way down to the chase campus in St. John’s, so why live downtown when you can live 5-10 miles from work and still enjoy some amenities closer to home. You can clean up downtown and build whatever you want there but it’ll still be just a weekend night stop for some folks.
Yourmomsucks55 2y ago
This is kinda true. We could have had Disney here but the people who were over First Baptist Church didn’t want it. There have been other things that have been blocked by them the years
The rumor that First Baptist Church is the reason Jacksonville missed out on Walt Disney World isn’t entirely accurate. While it’s true that the Walt Disney Company considered Jacksonville as a potential site for the theme park and even reached out to local businessman Ed Ball, it was Ball’s response—“I don’t deal with carnival folk”—that turned Disney away. This rejection ultimately led Disney to acquire the 27,000 acres in Orlando where the park now stands.
ClownGonnaClown 2y ago
It’s not a myth. The First Baptist Church has owned this city since well before Godbold, and they’ve had a death grip on Jacksonville for over 100 years. It’s an inside joke that in order to secure a seat on city council, you have to get the blessing of Heath Lambert.
indvidual-Tonight56 2y ago
Ok I’ve heard this too. And there is certainly historical truth to it. Jacksonville once housed a thriving silent film industry, but a newly elected mayor, J. Martin, emboldened by city council and backed by the First Baptist Church, changed legislation in 1917 to discourage the “disruption to the daily lives of citizens and the risqué nature of the filmmakers and stars”. Those film studies headed West to places like the nascent movie scene of Hollywood.
So, at least historically, there’s some truth to the dead scene downtown being caused by the First Baptist Church.
But this church has been waning in its influence for the last two decades (decreasing numbers and interest), so - if it’s true - then perhaps changes ahead may come more lightly.
a role in the city’s
and unsuccessful rise in the
First
from his strong conservative views and the fact that, in 1917, First Baptist held significant influence in the community. While it may be a rumor, it’s not entirely unfounded.
Further, film historian Nadia Ramoutar was quoted in “’Lights, Camera, Action!’ The Role of Jacksonville in the Silent Film Era,” in Smith, Gambrell, & Russell’s Trust the Leaders magazine stating, “And on Sundays, when everyone was at church and the streets were empty, that’s when they could shoot the shootout at the O.K. Corral. There was no air-conditioning then, church windows were open, and the mayhem could clearly be heard from the pews. The women wore pants and they all frequented bars, and their mob scenes would routinely get out of hand. It was more than the good citizens of Jacksonville could stomach.”
udisclosed5476
2y ago
Years ago they organized a task force .( I think they called it D.A.R.T). code enforcement fire chief.buildung inspection. drug task force and a few others in Jax. I worked in the bar/entertainment as security the entire bar and club industry called it a business killer. They would come in and atleast one of them could find a reason to shut the business down all of the heads of the task force were either deacons or members of The First Baptist church. They also bought any available liquor license. (Unless you’re a restaurant licenses for bars were bought from existing owners of licenses) and rented them out to advents to keep them active but to keep less actual bars from opening. In my experience they’ll pray and give tithing on Sunday but cut you off and give you the finger on Monday.
NeadNathair 2y ago
Can verify the D.A.R.T. hammer. I worked in three bars that all got shut down, and it was pretty common knowledge it was because of FBC wanting the licenses (and the space for one of them).
When looking up if First Baptist Church had any involvement with a task force under D.A.R.T, nothing came up. But I did find something more interesting-- a letter released by Lambert on the First Baptist Church website in which he highly opposes any affiliation or aid to the LGBTQIA+ community. Guidepost Solutions recently announced its commitment to supporting diversity, inclusion and equity. What does the First Baptist church have to do with a global risk management and security company? So glad you asked. First Baptist’s affiliate, Southern Baptist Church, has an Abuse Reform Implementation Task Force (ARITF) and hotline directly linked to Guidepost Solutions. Lambert revealed in his letter to the congregation that he is opposed to the recommendation of the ARITF using Guidepost Solutions to maintain their sexual abuse hotline when Guidepost Solutions made their stance clear.
Here is a quick snippet from Lambert’s letter regarding this opposition:
“I understand that the ARITF has a difficult and important job. I appreciate that they have been at pains to make clear how difficult it has been to find any firm with the ability to create and maintain the required website. I realize they have made clear that Guidepost will create a faith-based division to administer this website and will hire a person with a Southern Baptist background to oversee the work.
It is also true that in a sinful world, we all must enter financial relationships with people who do not share our convictions about biblical sexuality. But the proposed relationship between the Southern Baptist Convention and Guidepost will be extraordinary. The proposal of the ARITF would require—and has already required—a massive outlay of multiple millions of dollars towards an issue absolutely central to the health, safety, and integrity of our churches.
It is not possible for any firm committed to “celebrating” sexually immoral lifestyles to be faithful in policing Southern Baptists on issues of sexual abuse. To say the absolute least, this is an utter impossibility. In all honesty, if this is the latest report from the committee, then it means the work of the committee is not yet complete.”
Do with that information what you will.
While all of these rumors are based on word of mouth, this article is also a comment on the lack of accountability on issues in our city. We can only imagine how different downtown could look if somebody looked further into these issues eight years ago. And maybe going forward, we won’t be afraid to point fingers at those who oppress our development, hence oppress our voices.
Jacksonville’s 1917 mayor, John W. Martin, indeed played
brief
film industry. The connection between Martin and
Baptist Church stems
GATOR GRAB
In Florida, we are no strangers to our scaly neighbors who happen to show up at the worst of times. As Floridians, we are well versed in the “what to do” and “what not to do” when dealing with these reptiles. So when JSO got the call to assist with an alligator removal on Martin Luther King Jr. Parkway, they thought they’d be lending a hand — until they saw the “backup” that was already on scene. As the wrangler wrestled the gator into submission, a young kid strolled up, tape in hand, ready to help secure the gator’s jaws. Peak Florida, right? Turns out, this wasn’t just a bold kid with a wild idea — he’s actually part of a family of professional gator wranglers. Safe to say, JSO wasn’t needed.
TOUCHDOWNS AND TAKEDOWNS
At most football games, fans keep their eyes on the field — but at the recent Florida-Georgia rivalry match (aka “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party”), all eyes were on the stands. A little chaos is expected at a game with divided, well-lubricated fans, but this year’s action took a surprising turn. With six officers and eight fans arrested, plus 35 others escorted out, things definitely went beyond the usual sideline drama. Two videos of out-of-context police scuffles went viral, sparking even more curiosity. In one video, it turned out a fan had allegedly used racial slurs toward an officer, while the second video was suspected of being intentionally misleading. After an investigation, the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Department confirmed the officers acted within policy to keep themselves and nearby fans safe. And in the end, we still lost the game. So, was it all really worth it?
WHEN POPEYES GETS SPICIER THAN THE CHICKEN
HOT PURSUIT AND HEAVY LIFTING
We can all basically agree that hooking up with kids is wrong; at least, we thought so until we found out who the next Attorney General might be. Another guy who didn’t get the memo was shot by police last week after making lewd advances toward a mother and her two daughters, 11 and 13. The incident took place at the iconic Popeyes on McDuff, which has sadly had more than one incidence of gunplay in recent years, but this one was not about the spicy chicken sandwich. The company now keeps plenty on hand, after a chaotic relaunch in 2019 sparked sandwich-related violence in Maryland, Texas, Tennessee, California and, of course, Florida. Just the past couple of years have seen shootings at Popeyes locations in Memphis, Rochester and now Jacksonville. It tracks, since company founder Al Copeland once famously threw down with a rival businessman at a Morton’s in New Orleans 30 years ago. Legend!
Here’s some free advice from your friends at “Folio”: Don’t steal ATMs. They’re really heavy, they’re almost impossible to open, and you will always get caught. Actually, that’s not entirely true, because two local yokels successfully fled the scene after the failed theft of an ATM from the VyStar on Dunn Avenue. It was nearly 5 a.m. when police intervened, trailing the truck at 90 mph, with the ATM throwing sparks as it was dragged behind. Eventually they jumped out and ran away, never to be seen again. It’s unclear what exact model of freestanding ATM unit that particular branch was using, and we’re not going to ask them, but freestanding units made by Nautilus, Genmega or NCR typically weigh about 200 pounds, so everyone involved is lucky they walked (or, rather, ran) away from such a dangerous situation. Terrible idea!
HAMBURGER MARY’S
Words & photos by Amiyah Golden
Fabulous, audacious and unapologetic, Jordyn Sinclair is a prominent figure in the drag and LGBTQIA+ community—locally and beyond—as an entertainer and an advocate. A Michigan girl with a Texas-sized heart and upbringing, Sinclair has spearheaded the reopening of the beloved Hamburger Mary’s, which was closed in 2023 due to a fire. While the physical loss was devastating, it paled in comparison to the emotional toll it had on performers and patrons.
“The biggest loss for me would be the safe space that Jacksonville lost as a whole.” Sinclair said. “Mentally you know everyone that put their heart and soul in there had been pretty much beaten down. “
To lift spirits, much of the city came together to raise money for a new Hamburger Mary’s.
“They didn’t think twice about it. Fundraiser after fundraiser took place. Bingo was held and an auction was put together. There was even a GoFundMe that raised over $5,000. So, there was no shortage of love.” Sinclair added.
While sorting out plans to rebuild and reimagine Hamburger Mary’s, many local businesses stepped up to employ workers and hold space to keep Mary’s entertainers working.
Sinclair is a testament to the necessity of community as the drag community supported her throughout her own journey. “The drag community embraced me, and I embraced it as well. [You] see the benefits of having a community filled with diversity and love.”
With very few spaces in Jacksonville dedicated to uplifting queer voices and stories, Hamburger Mary’s anticipated reopening is a cardinal moment. Many of us don’t have to think twice when planning a night out; we go in with the ability to merge amongst the crowd without having to conceal our identity due to fear of retaliation or rejection. I have many queer friends who feel restricted to places that affirm their identity - and understandably so, as we still have much work to do as a society to solidify acceptance - so this rebirth is vital!
Hamburger Mary’s 2.0 will be sure to keep some signature components such as the Mary Burger, the Purple Reign cocktail, male review shows, and of course drag performances; but will also feature some new and exciting elements.
A club-themed night is on the docket as an innocuous option for those who want to gather for a night of music and dance!
Bingo will also be returning, as well as, a trivia night that will be added to the calendar.
Friday and Saturday nights will be exclusive to adults, with Sunday brunches being kid-friendly!
“We want to be respectful of the kids and have a place to go to appreciate and understand drag,” Sinclair said.
Sinclair is making strides to curate a space for everyone to come and have fun! Accompanying the new location will be the launch of another business venture for Sinclair. Right next door, Sinclair plans to open a sister enterprise, Drag-On, that will provide beauty services for bachelorette parties and more!
“I would just like to leave everyone with this… we understand that times seem a little tough at the moment, and we want everyone to know that whatever they’re feeling currently that they’re not alone! Mary’s will be a safe haven for anyone who wants to just come in and be themselves and not be judged and ridiculed or looked down upon. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world because if we did, people would just let people live their own lives,”
expressed Sinclair. “I waited until the age of 42 to transition simply because the world back then wasn’t what it is now. I transitioned because I realized at that point in my life it was either transition or more than likely die. It saved my life, so please stop and think about the words that you choose when you’re speaking to or about another person’s choices because at the end of the day, it’s not your story to tell!”
It is such a privilege to not have to be hyper-vigilant about where you go because of your identity or expression, but it is a grim reality that many face.
Places like Hamburger Mary’s and other local establishments have held the torch to make sure there are spaces available for the queer community, allys, and those who want to immerse themselves into a place where everyone is welcomed!
The new Hamburger Mary’s will be located in Murray Hill across the street from The Walrus, with a soft opening scheduled for Dec. 16 and the grand opening slated for March 2025!
FILM REVIEWS
Words by Harry Moore
ANORA
The latest film from writer-director Sean Baker follows a young exotic dancer who elopes with a Russian oligarch’s son to the dismay of his parents. Over the course of his career, Sean Baker has established himself as one of the most distinctive voices in American cinema and a true trailblazer in the independent film scene. With his films Baker has managed to give a voice and spotlight to many people who are often marginalized by society, let alone portrayed with any care in Hollywood. With each of his recent films, such as “The Florida Project” and “Red Rocket,” Baker has shared stories from the forgotten corners of America, whether that be flyover counties in Texas or the drivethrough neighborhoods of Orlando, humanizing the people, often sex workers and drug dealers who live and struggle in these communities. With “Anora,” Baker sets his eye on the strip clubs of New York City, where the haves are able to rent out the have-nots for their own pleasure.
Mikey Madison stars as Anora and has become the early and clear front-runner in this year’s awards season for leading actress. Madison has given some memorable performances in her burgeoning career burning up the screen in both “Scream 5” and “Once Upon a Time in Hollywood,” but as the eponymous Anora she reveals herself as an ingénue talent capable of bringing to life a complicated character that is both sympathetic and challenging in equal measure. There is barely a moment where Madison is on screen that she isn’t compelling for one reason or another, and her high-energy performance keeps Baker’s film moving through its manic pace and varied tonal shifts. Much in the way that Julia Roberts saw her star ascend dramatically after “Pretty Woman.” Following all the acclaim she has received for her work in “Anora,” Mikey Madison is almost certain to enjoy a stratospheric career elevation to becoming a household name and being placed at the top of many casting directors’ lists. Anora is another strong entry to the filmography of Sean Baker, a truly original filmmaker whose ability to capture the humanity of undervalued people and the disparate communities of this moment in the American experiment is unparalleled.
JOKER 2
It’s by and large been a tough year for superhero movies. Sure, “Deadpool & Wolverine” was a box office behemoth, but it is comfortably the weakest of that series and was pretty much forgotten about entirely on the ride home from the theater. But a new nadir for the genre was reached with the release of Todd Phillips’ “Joker: Folie à Deux,” the sequel to the 2019 cultural sensation. I was never a fan of Todd Phillips’ “Joker.” His take on The Clown Prince of Crime is a dull, unimpressive work with little to say on the subjects it so clearly wants to make a statement on. Charitably, it could be described as a pale imitation, or I guess homage, to Martin Scorsese’s films of the 1970s with “Taxi Driver” and “The King of Comedy” serving as visual and narrative blueprints to little avail. And while Joaquin Phoenix’s freakout schtick may have won him a cumulatively deserved Oscar, it was done to much greater effect in “The Master.” With the sequel, Phillips seemed intent on ensuring that the rest of the audience shared in my disdain. Strangely, “Joker 2” (it hasn’t earned its pretentious subtitle) is part drab prison tale, part courtroom drama that relitigates the events of the first film, and part jukebox musical in which the numbers are mumbled and performed with uninspired choreography. It seems as though the director had as much interest in putting on these musical set pieces as fans of Batman had in watching them.
Phillips’ handling of people suffering with mental health is almost the inverse of how Sean Baker portrays sex workers; there’s no care or humanity toward those with mental illness on display in Phillips’ films. Instead, he utilizes cliched “freak show” imagery and ascertains that violence is an inherent side effect of mental illness. If having a poor handle on an issue as sensitive as mental health were the film’s greatest crime, then perhaps there would be room for it to at least be effective as a comic book thriller, but “Joker 2” is simply too boring to even successfully pull that off. It is a bleak and unpleasant viewing experience that has been understandably rejected en masse by moviegoers, hopefully sending a message to movie studios that not ever y hit movie justifies an automatic sequel. But I’m sure it will just hinder other directors from having carte blanche to do whatever they want in the future. Thanks for letting us into your twisted mind, Todd.
The holidays are the perfect time to get together with the family and go to the movies or catch up on the year’s gems that you may have missed. Here’s a little breakdown of some of the highlights you can look forward to checking out.
WICKED
One of the biggest hits in Broadway history is getting its big-screen adaptation at long last. The Jon M. Chu-directed musical takes place in the merry old Land of Oz and follows a pair of young witches who become fast friends at university before embarking on their own journeys to find themselves. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo star. (Released Nov. 22)
GLADIATOR II
Ridley Scott promises to entertain with his return to ancient Rome with this long gestated sequel to his Oscar-winning epic. Paul Mescal steps into the shadow of Russell Crowe’s Maximus as a young warrior who must fight for his freedom in the gladiatorial pits of the coliseum. Denzel Washington and Pedro Pascal also star. (Released Nov. 22)
MOANA 2
One to take the whole family to cause kids love Moana more than anything. The sequel finds Moana and her friends journeying out to the far seas for an adventure unlike any she’s had before. (Released Nov. 27)
EMILIA PÉREZ
IN THEATERS AT HOME
This hit from the film festival circuit is part musical, part crime saga and part trans exploration and has been called the most original film of the year. The cast has received much acclaim with Zoe Saldana and Selena Gomez being touted for awards recognition this year. (On Netflix Nov. 13)
BLITZ
Celebrated filmmaker Steve McQueen’s latest film takes place in the bombing campaign of London during World War II, following a mother and her young son making their way through the war-torn city and trying to survive. Saoirse Ronan and Harris Dickinson star. (on Apple TV+ Nov. 22)
FOLIO SOAPBOX
Do you ever have something you’re itching to say but you’re too afraid to do so? Scared you’ll get canceled over the candid conversations you have in the privacy of your own home or mind? Is there a secret that you need to let go of to finally feel released? Well, we embrace controversy and oversharing at “Folio Weekly”! We have created the perfect space for you to anonymously share your senti ments — the good, the bad, the questionable and even the cancelable! Share your opinions, secrets, or controversial assertions and we’ll sound it off for you on our Folio Soap
Here is what some Jacksonville residents have had to say
“The ciTy needs more shelters for unhoused, not another stadium.”
“Downtown wouldn’t be crum bling and empty if people held developers more accountable for their inaction, and that takes local election votes.”
“Don’t legalize recreational marijuana in Florida until the residents can get residual checks. The money should be a supplement to education and Florida residents.”
“DeSantis is a nut job and his draconi an overreach including but not limited to trying to handpick and fund election of school board members is sick and Not
“PeoPle Think i’m This great guy who is always willing to helP PeoPle. BuT in TruTh, i’m jusT doing iT all wiTh The hoPes of geTting laid.”
“The candlelight theater at Friday Musicale has intriguing shows but the theater itself is tasteless.”
controversial opinion or a secret, scan the QR code so you can be featured on the next soapbox — and completely
dear dumbs
Dear Dumbs,
I have been divorced from my husband for 15 years now. Our divorce was mostly my fault. I cheated on him. He didn’t deserve it, but you know how the story goes. I had a co-worker who was sweet on me, and when the moment presented itself, we did it. It wasn’t a one-time thing. We met up quite a few times over a six-month period.
After my husband found out he filed for divorce and remarried almost two years later. We have a child together so we remain cordial and are in a good place.
My question is … I really want him back. I know he still has feelings for me, but he has no clue how I feel about him. Should I tell him?
Rachael W. Atlantic Beach
TERRY: Haven’t you wrecked enough lives, Rachael?
SHARI: Don’t hold back, Terry.
TERRY: You can’t tell me that this email has anything in it that makes Rachael look good.
SHARI: Well, she accepts all the blame. That’s a good quality.
TERRY: And then doubled down on the homewrecking.
SHARI: Hey, I tried, Rachael. But Terry is right. What the hell are you thinking?
TERRY: Getting a divorce was just part of what you deserved. Another part is you having to watch him be happy.
SHARI: So let him be happy. Don’t muck things up. Be grateful that you guys are kind to one another and maybe play the long game.
TERRY: The long game?
SHARI: Yes. Keep your mouth shut and if they ever break up you can tell him then.
TERRY: I’ll go with that. But it’s not going to happen. Just accept and own what you did. It sounds like you have. But don’t ruin any more lives. You have an opportunity here to be a one- time offender. Keep it that way.
WHAT YOUR FAVORITE THANKSGIVING SIDE DISH SAYS ABOUT
Words by Ambar Ramirez and Carmen Macri
AMBAR: It’s that time of year again—the time those of us who somehow always say the wrong thing dread the most. Thanksgiving.
CARMEN: And for those of us who are a little less dramatic… a time to overindulge in liquor, stuffing and pumpkin pie — and to spend quality time with the family.
AMBAR: Regardless of whether this is a holiday you look forward to or look forward to it being over, we have found that your favorite side dish says a lot about your personality.
CARMEN: We mean a lot. When I spent holidays with an ex or their family, I was always looking at their plate and judging intently their choice of sides. So without further ado, here is what your go-to Thanksgiving sides say about you.
AMBAR: If your favorite side dish is sweet potato casserole, you’re the type of person who knows exactly what they want and isn’t afraid to go after it. Your friends often label you as sweet and confident but deep down, you’re quite shy and stay away from the limelight.
CARMEN: Cranberry sauce. You are an old soul or at least pretend to be. Your house is filled with “vintage finds” or in other words, your since-passed relatives’ old furniture. You only listen to music on vinyl because “that’s just how it’s meant to be heard.” You are a sweetheart to your core and don’t care about the status quo.
AMBAR: If you can’t start your day without a cup of coffee and are the one always organizing plans for your friend group, chances are the first side dish you reach for is stuffing. Stuffing lovers tend to be minimalists at heart and are often remarkably particular about recycling. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that — in fact, you could say stuffing fans are what keep the world turning.
CARMEN: If your favorite side dish is mashed potatoes and gravy, you enjoy the smaller things. Your style is as timeless as your palette. Some might call you basic, but they just don’t understand that sometimes, less is more. You like to play it safe, and it usually pays off.
AMBAR: Green bean casserole. Like one of the ingredients that go into this savory dish, you’re a layered individual and are constantly reminding people of it. You don’t shy away from difficult conversations and often love to stir the pot. In short, you’re an instigator and conspiracist.
CARMEN: If you have spent most of your adult life striving to heal your inner child, odds are, the first dish you aim for when walking up to the table is a nice hot scoop of mac and cheese — whether it’s truffle, breaded or plain Jane. You tend to put everyone’s feelings above your own and cry at every commercial you watch. You crave comfort food as much as you crave spending quality time with your friends and family.
AMBAR: If your favorite side dish is cornbread, you’re perfect, amazing, and undeniably cool. You’re often considered the golden child and always on the go. In fact, there’s a good chance you won’t even make it to family Thanksgiving dinner because you’ll be on a yacht in Greece.
CARMEN: You are my type of guy if you just load your plate up with dinner rolls. Carbs? Never heard of them. Getting properly stuffed up before even beginning the main dish? Who cares? Your approach to life is seeking out the most pleasure with whatever you do. You have never taken life seriously and never plan to. You are all about fulfillment — clearly.
JANUARY
DECEMBER
FEBRUARY
Solve this puzzle like a regular sudoku, but instead of using numbers, use the letters
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