Volume CDXX Issue 69 (April Fool's Issue)

Observer the

April 1, 2022

The Student Voice of Fordham Lincoln Center

VOLUME CDXX, ISSUE 69

Limos Supplant Entire Ram Van Lineup

By ALYSSA MACALUSO A.P. Style Tyrant

In an email sent to the Fordham community on March 14, 2022, University President Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., announced that all Ram Vans would be replaced by Ford Expedition Stretch SUV limousines, effective April 1, 2022.

The announcement came after numerous complaints from the student body about the lack of luxurious benefits afforded to students at Fordham’s New York campuses when compared to the lavish assets at Fordham London Centre, including its stateof-the-art building for classes, affordable housing program with opulent amenities and allexpense-paid boat cruise on the River Thames.

One comment under a Fordham Study Abroad Instagram post featuring the London river cruise read “wheres *my* hudson river cruise @fordhamuniversity?!” The official Fordham University account, @fordhamuniversity, did not respond to the comment.

Although McShane did not directly address the discrepancy in student experiences between Fordham’s New York and London Centre programs, he did express excitement about the sunroof, mini bar and TV that will be in-

cluded in the Ram Van experience. “Now, no one will be without a cup holder or drink again!” he declared.

According to McShane, the new limousines will also provide a reprieve from the cramped conditions in the interior of the Ram Vans, especially during “rush hour” periods, such as at 7:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. when many Fordham students are trying to get between the campuses for class.

“I had to take a 2 p.m. Ram Van to Lincoln Center for my annual meeting at the campus, and I nearly twisted my ankle trying to get through the tangle of bags and backpacks on the way to my seat!” McShane exclaimed in a postscript at the bottom of the email. “After that experience, I said to myself, never again.”

According to the “About Ram Van” section on Fordham’s website, Ram Vans can hold up to 14 passengers. The Ram Vans also have a small trunk for storage purposes, but students rarely take advantage of that option, preferring to keep their bags close to them to access personal items during the trip. The trunk can also be used for overflow passengers when needed.

The Ford limos that will replace the Ram Vans seat 12-20 people, depending on how many passengers are willing to squeeze in together and possibly sit on

PHOTO VIA PXHERE, GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY ALLIE STOFER/THE OBSERVER

Following a treacherous ride to Lincoln Center, McShane decided to replace Ram Vans with limousines.

each others’ laps. The notorious fourth row of the Ram Vans, dreaded by many a student, is also comparable to the third row of these Ford limos, which have been critiqued for their cramped quarters.

The limo fleet will retain the infamous Fordham University logos

Fordham Hosts Annual Egged or Mugged Day

By LAURA OLDFATHER Anti Social Social Club Leader

Fordham’s Office of Student Involvement (OSI) announced last week that it will be hosting a new event: Egged or Mugged Day. This event will happen on Oct. 31 and will be an annual event.

The decision to create the event came after two years of protests and petitions from students to celebrate this truly momentous day. Fordham is hoping that the event will help Lincoln Center students feel more connected to Fordham.

“We don’t get a lot of turnout for career planning or mindfulness events, so we’re hoping this will engage more students,” Jenifer Campbell, dean of students at Lincoln Center, said.

When students arrive at the event, they will face a choice.

The choose-your-own-adventure simulation begins with: “Do you want to get egged or mugged?”

If a student picks “egged,” eggs will be thrown at them, and their phones will be confiscated. According to Mark Vallaro, resident district manager of dining for Aramark, the reason the dining hall staff serves powdered eggs is because they are stockpiling real eggs for this event.

This event is put on by the United Student Government (USG) committee for Educational Growth Gatherings (EGG). The committee works to provide fun, engaging student events that also serve the public good of those paying for this private institution. They are working on planning other events later in the semester, such as Coffee with Feral Cats and an electric scooter drive.

The event serves as a fundraiser for building another gym at the Rose Hill campus. If students choose “mugged,” a donation will be made in their name to the new facilities.

“There are things we could use money for, such as contributing to the community even a fraction of what we would have given in taxes if we weren’t Section 501(c)(3) tax exemption, but what our Rams need is another gym at the Rose Hill campus,” Ben Oeuf, head of the EGG committee and Fordham College at Rose Hill ’22, said.

Annual Egged or Mugged Day is designed to help Fordham Lincoln Center students connect with their Rose Hill peers.

“I have never had a reason to go to the Rose Hill campus before,” Benedict Shelley, Fordham College at Lincoln Center ’23, said. “Even when I had classes there, it seemed like too much

NEWS PAGE 2

Classics Requirement

Latin, Ancient Greek, and Aramaic incorporated into core

on a white car body, but the insides will feature plush leather seats and mood lighting, an atmosphere conducive to both studying and hyping students up on their way to their 8:30 a.m. classes.

However, students were confused about the benefits of switching to limousines to alleviate the

space issue. Hope Fulskeptic, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’24, echoed McShane’s fears about incurring injury when entering and exiting the Ram Vans but stated that she didn’t see the benefit in switching to limousines. see LIMOUSINES page 2

Fordham Dodgeball Defeats Gonzaga work. But Egged or Mugged Day sounds like too much fun to miss!”

To help make the event even more real, students commuting from the Lincoln Center campus to the Rose Hill campus will be required to take the subway. This is unlike events such as the President’s Ball, in which buses are arranged for students to travel to the Bronx-based campus.

There has been some concern about the inclusivity of the event.

Students who have food allergies started a Change.org petition for the event to be canceled or made more inclusive. There has also been some concern raised by the vegan members of the campus community.

“As a vegan, I already felt targeted on this campus,” Shelley said. “Vegans are probably the worst treated minority group on campus.”

In response to this, the Office of Multicultural Affairs amended the event name to be Annual Egged, Flax Egged or Mugged Day. “We don’t want students with egg allergies or their allies to think that we are targeting them,” Campbell said.

To apply for the volunteer position of egger, students — who must identify as male and own a red hoodie — can submit their applications to the EGG committee.

SPORTS & HEALTH PAGE 3

Fordham Dodgeball

Rams take down Bulldogs in finals

By KREENA VORA Taxes & Boredom Editor

The Fordham co-ed dodgeball team defeated the Gonzaga University (GU) Bulldogs for the first time in the Dodgeball National Championship held in New York City last Friday, March 25, in a massive upset. Even though Gonzaga was heavily favored to win, at the last minute, Fordham did what no team has done before: They managed to send all of GU’s players to jail before the clock ran out. The Rams, a team destined for mediocrity, left the finals victorious.

In recent years, Fordham’s dodgeball team has seen great success under the guidance of Head Coach Patrick Moquin Jr. and the leadership of Captain Gabriella Bermudez, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’25. The Rams made it to the regional finals last year, where they were eventually defeated by NYU, their bitter rivals. In previous years, however, making it to the national championship was a pipe dream that most fans still can’t believe came true. In 75 years, the program never came close.

In the opening minutes of the match, Christopher Murray, FCLC ’24, and the team’s premier striker, took out three Bulldogs with razor-sharp tosses. The Bulldogs retaliated by eliminating Aurelien Clavaud,

ARTS & CULTURE PAGE 3

Secret Wars Review

Exploring the exciting changes to the MCU

FCLC ’25, a newer player whose arm is like a cannon but who could use some work on his dodge. This loss would come to have severe consequences for the Rams during the first half of the game.

There was a lull in developments for about five minutes, as both teams aimed poorly and completely whiffed their shots. Taking Fordham’s weak throwing game as an opportunity, Gonzaga regrouped and came out strong. Without Clavaud and his skill, Murray was left to hold down the fort.

Bermudez did her best to help, dodging some well-aimed pelts by the Bulldogs.

see DODGEBALL page 3

FUN & GAMES PAGE 4

Breaking News

The Observer is taken to new heights in this Ram Libs GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY CLARA GERLACH, PHOTO BY KREENA VORA/THE OBSERVER

2

News

April 1, 2022

Fake News Editor Allie Stofer fordhamobserver.com

THE OBSERVER

Limousines Replace Inter-Campus Transportation Citing student concerns and cramped conditions, McShane orders changes to Ram Van fleet

LIMOUSINES from page 1

“Honestly, as cramped as the Ram Vans can get, I don’t see how limousines will be any better,” Fulskeptic said. “I rode in a Ford limo for homecoming my sophomore year of high school, but it only fit like a dozen people, and it was hard to move around in.”

Fulskeptic later added, “The only benefit I could see to

“ They're just so much

bigger. I don't want to imagine how many more accidents we will get into now.”

Vera Fiable, FCLC ’ 23 and Ram Van driver PHOTO BY TRADALJ VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

limos is that they’re closer to the ground. Sometimes getting out of the Ram Vans can be scary, especially if the drivers don’t put a step stool out.”

Many students also expressed surprise that Fordham was making the switch while gas prices are rapidly increasing nationwide, climbing as high as $4.37 in the Bronx and $4.73 in Manhattan, because the Ram Vans seem more economical than stretch limousines. But McShane explained in the email that the Ram Vans, which are also manufactured by Ford, are more or

Students can expect many amenities in their new inter-campus limousines.

less economically matched with the stretch limousines, both of which average about 15 miles per gallon in the city.

Vera Fiable, FCLC ’23 and a Ram Van driver who goes by the street name “Sexy Vera,” acknowledged McShane’s point but added that “He doesn’t know how crazy some of these drivers are.”

Fiable continued, “I’m not saying I do anything crazy, but I’ve seen how some of these other drivers navigate the roads, and they are certainly not keeping

the gas mileage in mind. Fordham pays for the gas anyway, so why not have fun with the ride?”

Though Fiable learned how to drive the transit vans that Fordham currently uses with relative ease, she expressed worry about learning how to drive a stretch limo.

“They’re just so much bigger, and some of the corners are already pretty tight, especially in Manhattan,” Fiable said. “I don’t want to imagine how many more accidents we (the drivers) will get into now.”

Fulskeptic was also concerned about a ticket price increase for intercampus transportation.

Currently, a Ram Van pass costs $3.50 and was last raised in August of 2014, from a flat fee of $3.

Students taking classes at another campus receive complimentary Ram Van passes, but the price can be rather steep for students who are going to the other campus for reasons other than class.

“I don’t want to pay $4 or more for a ride to the other campus,” Fulskeptic said. “That’s

ridiculous! At that rate, I’ll just take the subway.”

The Observer reached out to Fordham’s Department of Transportation for clarification on whether the price for Ram Van tickets would be raised, but the department did not respond to the request for comment.

Fiable and Fulskeptic both mentioned that they believed the switch to limos may have something to do with McShane trying to increase Fordham’s desirability after a milestone recruitment year, breaking records at Lincoln Center’s campus by welcoming 1,107 incoming first-year students in a single year.

“Personally, I think that this is just a ploy to entice more students into coming to Fordham,” Fiable said. “McShane probably thinks that he can dangle these limos to the parents to mask other issues, like overcrowding at the Lincoln Center campus or the horrible Aramark-provided food.”

Fulskeptic agreed, stating that “I don’t see any other way to explain this move besides trying to convince more naive high school students to come to Fordham. Fordham has never listened to student complaints before,” Fulskeptic continued, referring to the alleged student complaints about disparities between New York campuses and Fordham London Centre.

“So why start now?”

Fulskeptic asked. “I guess the reasoning behind the Ram Limos will just have to remain a mystery.”

Fordham Institutes Classics Requirement All undergraduate students will now be required to take Latin, Ancient Greek and Aramaic

By JILL RICE Nlineoay Ditoreay

As a Jesuit institution, Fordham is well-known for its longstanding tradition of upholding many Christian values and remaining faithful to all the most conservative Catholic traditions like making students only speak Latin and wear priests’ collars. With the first non-Jesuit president taking the helm of the school in July comes a new core requirement: classical languages.

Fordham, especially the Lincoln Center campus, is renowned for its religiosity and faithfulness to the Jesuit tenets.

Each week, the elevators flood with people as every undergraduate, graduate, and law student attends Mass in the chapel on the third floor of Lowenstein.

As a student at Rose Hill, Cornelia Romanus, Fordham College at Rose Hill ’23, makes the trek from her home campus in the Bronx every Sunday. “I didn’t even know Rose Hill had a church,” she said. “What’s the use of a ‘university church’ when there’s a chapel on the third floor of an office building?”

Getting the full experience of Mass at Lincoln Center of course means using the Latin prayers, as well. “For me, there’s no other language I’d want to hear the word of God in,” Romanus said.

Laura Auricchio, dean of Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC), said the deans felt that requiring Latin and Ancient Greek classical languages made sense for Fordham

CLARA GERLACH/THE OBSERVER

students. She emphasized that they are also excited to add a bonus language, Aramaic, the language of Jesus, to this requirement.

The deans have been discussing recent changes to the core curriculum, and this change to the core was agreed on unanimously by all Rose Hill and Lincoln Center deans.

Students and faculty have all been asking current University President Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., for this change for years, but only President-elect

Tania Tetlow can bring what the students truly want.

“I came to Fordham to get a Jesuit education,” Aileigh Antiqua, FCLC ’25, said. “The first thing I expected was Latin and Greek—in fact, I was surprised this is a recent change.

I’m excited for the new president to take her place!”

Publius Crito, a classics lecturer, said that this shift will also help bolster Fordham’s classics department, which has only been growing in the past few decades. The courses are

always full of students eager to learn useful phrases such as “bellum gerere” (“to wage war”) and “Carthago delenda est” (“Carthage must be destroyed”), according to Crito.

“We want students to study only the most useful languages that will surely help them in their daily lives,” Crito said. “Who wouldn’t use the Greek particles ‘mén’ and ‘de’ in everyday speech?”

Students already involved in the classics department similarly expressed their support.

“After a decade of Latin and Greek, I still don’t know how to say “Where is the bathroom?” but I know many words for death off the top of my head,” W.M. Frederick Petersworth, FCLC ’74, said. “The school’s classical languages requirement will fix this discrepancy.”

Others expressed that having a classics requirement would help students understand Fordham’s Jesuit tenets. Many students said that they did not know that “cura personalis” actually means “care that all students become fluent in Latin” and that “AMDG” stands for “All men dictate in Greek.”

The Rev. Vincent DeCola, S.J., dean of Gabelli School of Business at Lincoln Center, also expressed his support for this change.

“How can Gabelli students successfully run businesses if they don’t know how to kick out the moneychangers from the temple — in the Aramaic that Jesus spoke?” he asked.

Students are still permitted to take other languages like Spanish, German, or Mandarin, but these will only be taken in addition to the required four semesters each of Latin and Greek and two semesters of Aramaic.

Hebrew is also an option for students who would like to go the extra mile.

The Observer was unable to contact Fordham’s first presidents or Julius Caesar himself for comment, though we are sure that they would only have laudatory words for the school’s decision.

Rubberneck Correspondents Clara Gerlach Isabella Scipioni fordhamobserver.com

Arts & Culture

April 1, 2022 THE OBSERVER

‘Avengers: Secret Wars’ Shatters the MCU

The next installment in the Avengers series is a celebration of nearly two decades of Marvel films

By CHRISTIAN MADLANSACAY Cool Guy

Warning: Major spoilers for “Avengers: Secret Wars” and previous Marvel content The history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) is about to change. After the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s storyline about the multiverse starting in “Loki” (2021), “Spider-Man: No Way Home” (2021), and “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” (2022), this ambitious arc comes to a close in “Avengers: Secret Wars.”

My anticipation for this movie has been very high ever since it was announced at New York Comic Con on March 32.

The announcement from Kevin Feige and director Sam Raimi was insane and left everyone speechless, including me. After watching the film, it exceeded all of my expectations.

“Avengers: Secret Wars” begins with the realities of the MCU and other universes on the edge of destruction. As a result of this destruction, the universes collide to become a planet called “Battleworld,” and variations of known superheroes are faced with the responsibility to save the multiverse.

Superheroes, such as Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), Shang-Chi (Simu Liu), Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) and SheHulk (Tatiana Maslany), form the New Avengers and are assisted by branches of Avengers teams to stop Kang the Conqueror, played by Jonathan Majors, and Doctor Doom, played by Michael Fassbender, from destroying realities.

Cumberbatch, Liu,

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY MARYAM BESHARA/THE OBSERVER

Larson and Maslany do an amazing job in their respective roles.

The introduction and return of teams such as The Wiggles, One Direction and The Hype House illustrated how grand the MCU has become. Danny Devito’s portrayal as Worm-Dude is as stellar as ever and truly shows his love for the character in every scene he is in.

The story I found the most interesting was the one for Spider-Man. Peter Parker, played

by Tom Holland, sees univers-

Sports

es where he got different powers. Instead of Spider-Man, Parker became Pine Tree-Human, who shot pine cones out of their wrists. We also saw him as Slime Kid, a child who uses his power to sell slime on Tiktok.

While the formation of many new Avengers teams was exciting, the film’s approach to the multiverse was very entertaining.

Mostly through the perspective of the Flimsy Five, it was great to see universes set in pre-MCU films or other media make an appearance.

The opportunity to see Raimi’s 2002 Spider-Man and Fox’s X-Men universes again made me very nostalgic and hopeful that we will see the universes in future films. I hope that Marvel writers and directors will continue to show universes where events happened differently.

One of my favorite scenes was when the heroes visited the “My Hero Academia” universe. It was very exciting to see Deku and All Might have a conversation with Reed Richards, played by John

Krasinski, and Strange about the multiverse and how Deku and Class 1-A are preparing to fight the League of Villains. Also, the heroes give Deku advice about how to master his quirks.

The movie included a large number of cameos, and it was great to see The Observer’s editorial board make an appearance to help the teams travel across Battleworld. Also, the opportunity to see a variant of Spider-Man played by Christian Madlansacay was mind blowing.

The cinematography for the film was phenomenal. Similar to the “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness,” Raimi uses unique camera tricks to engage the audience throughout the whole film. The CGI was also on the same level as “Avengers: Infinity War” (2018).

The only aspect of the film that I did not like was the pacing at the start. Many universes were introduced every few minutes, leaving the viewer with not much time to process each new setting.

Despite the film being four hours long, the narrative was very engaging and made it seem like less time had passed.

“Avengers: Secret Wars” is an amazing conclusion to the multiverse arc of the MCU. The ending when all of the heroes from different universes teamed up to fight Kang and Doom exceeded the craziness of “Avengers: Endgame” (2019). By showing different variations of characters and universes, it demonstrated how big the MCU has become and will become in the future. If you are a huge Marvel fan, I highly recommend this new Avengers movie — it’s a Marvel to behold.

A.P. Style Tyrant Alyssa Macaluso truly enjoyed her two years at The Fordham Observer and has great respect for the newspaper Sincerely, Michael Cohen A.P. Style Gremlin Matthias Lai

Dodgeball Slams Gonzaga in Finals

Bermudez and Murray shine, carry Rams to first national championship since 1947 DODGEBALL from page 1

Everyone’s eyes were on Murray, and with five minutes left in the first half, along with some fancy footwork on display, the all-star was expected to lead the team to halftime. But then Hailey Greene, GU ’23, took to the center of the court.

Ball in hand, she launched a bullet — easily traveling at an incredible 59 miles per hour — straight at Murray’s knees. Before Murray could jump out of the way, and before the rest of the team knew what was happening, he suffered a hit on his left shin. A crowd filled with Bulldog fans chanted at the Fordham team’s incredible loss.

The Rams, still shell-shocked by Murray’s departure, gave Gonzaga players an opportunity to pelt the Fordham team in a coordinated attack. The Bulldogs seized the opening and took out three more players, leaving only Bermudez.

Bermudez, standing alone on a life-or-death court, began to evaluate her options. She had an apathetic look that eventually faded into ruthless determination.

Taking advantage of an esoteric rule, Bermudez aimed for a basketball hoop across the court.

Denton Twine, GU ’24, sprinted toward the hoop in an attempt to catch the shot, which would doom Bermudez to walk off the court.

To make matters worse for Fordham, as the ball flew through the air, Bermudez’s jersey was grazed by another throw made by Greene. The referee ruled her out.

“ All credit goes to the

players. This is really a dream come true for me and the highlight of my career so far.”

Patrick Moquin Jr., head coach

All eyes were on the ball shot

by Bermudez — she needed to land the basket just for Fordham to stay in the game. After what felt like an eon, but was really just another second, it did. Fordham fans jumped to their feet as Murray, Clavaud, and the rest of the team ran back onto the court. Even Moquin, who had stayed stoic and expressionless this entire time, cracked a grin, clearly proud of the new captain.

Still, Fisher caught the ball, so Bermudez had to walk off the court as her teammates walked back on.

The second half of the game was much less suspenseful. Murray took

PHOTO BY IBRAHIM VAROL SAVAS VIA PIXAHIVE, GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY KREENA VORA/THE OBSERVER

Aurelien Clavaud. FCLC ’25, fakes a throw in the Rams’ contest against Gonzaga.

the first chance he had to take out Greene. Clavaud and Gus Dupree, FCLC ’22, dodged and threw well.

Bermudez, back in after a lucky catch by a Clavaud, continued to shine. With less than four minutes left on the clock, all of the Bulldogs were out, and Fordham’s team was able to celebrate this historic victory.

In an interview after the match, Moquin admitted that even he “didn’t think these kids would do so well. All credit goes to the players.

This is really a dream come true for me and the highlight of my career so far.”

Fordham dodgeball fans will remember this day for years to

come. Bermudez had proven herself as captain; Murray remained the fan favorite; and Clavaud had shown much improvement between the first and second halves of the game. If the Rams have more performances like this, there are likely to be many more dodgeball finals in their future.

PAGE DESIGN BY PATRICK MOQUIN

Taxes & Boredom Editor Kreena Vora fordhamobserver.com

un & ames

April 1, 2022 THE OBSERVER

Cryptic: What’s in a Word?

BY GRACE GETMAN

ACROSS

1. Body part in toy (4) 5. Initiate legal proceedings against Radcliffe or DeVito in the auditorium, becomes country (5) 6. We hear to debate “They are goo” (5) 7. Dense broken, requirements (5) 8. Secretly Ed dyes for river current (4)

DOWN

1. Lurked, gutted, becomes baited (5) 2. High school degree alternative in beat by a small margin (5) 3. Sounds like God but it’s over the top (4) 4. Wild eons, numerically (4) 5. Directions to Maine from New York City contained within rational (4)

Feeling dizzy after taking a look at the clues? Welcome to the cryptic crossword, or depending on how you feel after reading the clues below, your new migraine.

Cryptic crosswords take the basic ingredients of a crossword puzzle out for a joyride and send them home scrambled.

To keep the puzzle in line with the Geneva War Conventions, there are some mercies. The number of letters in an answer is noted, and clues must have an “indicator” word to help you identify what type of mini-puzzle it is.

Here are the basic types of clues: Anagrams Do you like your words poached, sunny-side up or scrambled?

Clue words: crazy, strange, wild, troubled, transform, change, fix, broken Example: “Wild listen is mute” (6) is “silent” Charades Think of this as word “Inception.”

Clue words: N/A “Each tower sweats” (8) would be “perspire” (“per” = each, “spire” = tower) Reversals Bop it, twist it, pull it and reverse it!

Crossword: April Fools’

GRAPHIC BY CHAISE JONES

Clue words: going back, returning, changing direction Example: “Changing direction on tool is treasure” (4) would be “loot” Hidden Words Find what the word isn’t saying, broken across other words.

Clue words: holding, contains, running through, camouflaged Example: “Dog loves through mittens” (6) would be “gloves” (Dog loves) Homophones: If it walks like a duct and quacks like a duct, it may actually be ducked.co Clue words: purportedly, we hear, they say, sounds like, in the auditorium Example: “Buck is lover, we hear” (4) would be “deer” (the homophone of “dear”) Containers Clue words: in, within Example: “Forest within Manhattan neighborhood” (6) would be “Inwood” Deletions Clue words: beheaded, loses head, curtailed, trimmed Example: “Beheaded pelvis sings ‘Jailhouse Rock’” (5) would be “Elvis”

according to peer-reviewed studies 45. SLC, the city in Utah

BREAKING NEWS Fordham announced on April 1 that all ram statues will be replaced with copies of (arti Observer. e) decision came (p e) email le ) Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J., which declared that (ar ram was no longer (ar good enough mascot. preposition

article

BY AURELIEN CLAVAUD

ACROSS 1. A foreign checkmate 6. Ancient communication technology 9. Conditional lovers 12. A really good car if you’re broke 13. Stylish!

14. Commonly sensed on the subway 16. A snake’s iris 17. Major component of roads 19. New! New! New! 21. The namesake of the Oort Cloud 22. Singing tuna 23. A high school number, life or death

24. What a group of atheists would describe themselves as 27. Mom says it’s where grandma lives now, but that’s not true!

28. Is it now? No, it’s way past us.

31. Pollyanna if she wasn’t fond of elections ... and had only one ‘n.’

32. A store primarily selling protein bars and big, long poles 33. Is it in French?

34. April Fools, following a joke 37. A famous athlete, and also a prophet 39. A word that means to endear 41. What Zendaya is not,

preposition article article

article

McShane stated that (arti history of the ram does not matter as it is not serving the general public anymore.

(Pro said he wanted to highlightarticle ( a Observer, the pronoun student voice (pr e Lincoln Center, which isarticle (ar only campus that matters to (pr . pronoun article

preposition

Students have conflicting views on (a ) change. De EarL Yeparted, Fordham College at Lincoln Center ’22, said that ) was pleased that (ale) club on campus was finally receiving the recognition it deserved. Editors of The Ram were upset that they were not chosen as ar) new mascot. article

article

pronoun

article

(Ae) change in mascot may become a main factor in bringing new students to Fordham.

article

BY ALLIE STOFER

strategy of Comedy Central, since the early 2010s 62. Verb meaning to scan something 64. If Rhode Island were somehow smaller?

65. A line like this ––– 66. Empty threat, commonly wielded by former Twitter influencer Donald Trump 67. Lehman Brothers, before 2008 68. Anagram of ljwee

DOWN 46. Step sib, maybe 47. The word is presently hidden 48. Just s 49. Essential component of 29 50. Find it, I dare you!

53. It’s just a bit! I’m a comedian!

54. ____ stick, inside 49 Across. Appropriate greeting for hated individuals 55. A financial front for an international terror group, according to anonymous sources, speaking to the FBI Norfolk office and collected by the ACLU in 2003 59. The name of the long-forgotten city of Ani, in Armenia 60. If they hadn’t all died, you would be sipping sangrias on the Willamette 61. Official business

article

article

1. Clio, muse of history, also an underappreciated automobile 2. A placeholder aircraft 3. An Emir of a Middle Eastern nation. title 4. Michael, the famous one 5. Hey wake up, the Huns left without you, if you don’t hurry they will conquer the Caucasus 7. A single martini 8. Something that is spousal, adj.

9. A word for codes

10. Broke spotify users suffer from this congenital condition 11. Describing a person

who is tongueless 15. That’s it: Reprisals.

18. Ant Man having an existential moment 20. To win, in some made-up tense 25. An incorrect plural of hyphen 26. The label given to the ear on diagrams of the human body 28. A famous K-Pop boy band 29. Someone with too many butts, a title 30. A million, far from a tragedy 32. Man the basketball player was really good 34. An assault rifle, abbreviated 35. A word to describe a fever 36. 10 to the power of 2 Down 38. It is the answer? Yes. Is it? Yes, it is.

40. Multiple RC controllers 42. The mythical Chimera 43. The moon of Uranus that Shakespeare stole for clout 44. What we all fantasize saying to any famous Chris 49. ABBA! It can’t be 50. An ancient krone coin 51. LAX, spelled out 52. I can’t slpel 56. A terrible name to give someone, slightly better as the name of a lake 57. A duet to 22 Across 58. A new word 61. Name of the Raj, before independence 63. The chemical symbol for the shiny metal, found in overbearing pairs

GRAPHICS BY KYLA MCCALLUM, PAGE DESIGN BY CORBIN GREGG