Forte #582 by Forte Mag

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issue 582 // 20 MARCH 2014 // next issue: 3 apr

T R I H S G 4 1 0 N 2 I V GI

WITH...

OF THE

THE

H Y T A 7 D 2 S THUR M A R C H PRESENTED

P LU S R E SI D E N T S -

YJ S IM O N O N E - S H O RTTV B MAX MCKAY - KEZ PINKY - AYBA ERS PA U L - E - V I C K WHISPERS geelong

WHISPERS GEELONG & EUREKA HOTEL PRESENT

KATT NIALL

BUTTERS

SLICE N DICE

WHISPERS

MATT WATKINS

ANDY MURPHY

COMING UP U

STEVIE MINK

ORKESTRADED

DAMON WALSH CHARDY COMBO

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SATURDAYS www.eurekahotel.com.au 98 LITTLE MALOP STREET , GEELONG

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JANE DAFFY

JUNGLE JIM COSMOS MIDNIGHT YASUMO

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM

! s e i b free orte F FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara

Another new music festival came to pass last weekend – Motor City Music Festival. The brainchild of Hugo T. Armstrong and the Blues Train team, the festival was in its first year and things went very well. As I trekked around the back of one of the big sheds, sun beating down upon my exposed semi-bald cranium, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Then, I was pleasantly surprised to see a very impressive coverage of people halfway back on the main stage area – and it was only 3 p.m.!

There were people of all sorts – oldies and young bopping along to a Queen tribute show. Some sat around with leisurely posture on foldout chairs drinking Jimmy cans and VB, all with a happy look on their faces. The vibe was great and people were smiling.

Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird,

Festivals in this day and age are a difficult thing, but this is one that Geelong will take ownership of over the next 10 years. Enjoy! Luke

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luke@fortemag.com.au

COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................James Dulce SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Marianne Valitutti ADVERTISING

Anton Ballard

aballard@fortemag.com.au

Marc Wilkins

marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

CONTRIBUTORS................... Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell,

Like, Share or Comment for your chance to win 1 of 3 Family Passes* to Silvers Circus at the Ballarat Showgrounds, March 26 through to March 30!! *family pass includes 4 adult tickets

www.sliverscircus.com.au

and Tony Montana PRINTED BY......................... RURAL PRESS PRINTING (VIC) BALLARAT 30-32 Grandlee Drive, Wendouree ADVERTISERS AND AGENTS ARE ADVISED THAT ALL ADVERTISING COPY IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY UNDER THE TRADE PRACTICES ACT. ADVERTISEMENTS ARE PUBLISHED IN GOOD FAITH AND ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE CONTENT IS LEGITIMATE AND LAWFUL. ADVERTISERS AND OR AGENTS SUBMIT ADVERTISEMENTS AT THEIR OWN RISK. THE EDITOR AND CREATORS HOLD NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE CONTENT OF THE MAGAZINE IN THE CASE THAT IT MAY OFFEND. FORTE ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ERRORS OR OMISSIONS. FORTE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL ARTICLES AND LETTERS.

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the HIGHLIGHTS

Where we’ve got an old coat for a pillow and the earth was last night’s bed. Coming up you have… Brant Bjork’s Walk in the Desert When you’re the drummer for Kyuss (a current incarnation of which is called Vista Chino, formerly Kyuss Lives!), your name carries a certain weight. The desert rock veteran brought Vista Chino out this way earlier in the year for the Big Day Out but has decided to take in a little more of our country. He’ll be joined by backers Dave Dinsmore, Bubba Dupree, Void, Hater and Tont Tornay. Ding Dong – May 29. .........................................................................

MTV Movie Awards Well, the Academy Awards are done and dusted for another year (congratulations to the Aussie winners) and now we can look forward to some more light-hearted fare with the MTV Movie Awards. As well as your typical categories, the MTV Movie Awards also salute the important things the Academy Awards overlook – like ‘Best Shirtless Appearance’. Conan O’Brien will host the awards, to be held April 13. .........................................................................

Deftones Plot New Album Speaking at Melbourne’s Soundwave Festival, Deftones frontman Chino Moreno revealed that the rest of the band has been busy working on new material. Like their previous albums, Moreno revealed that the process will remain organic. The newie will be their first since longtime bassist Chi Cheng was taken off life support last year. Cheng was involved in a fatal car accident in 2008. .........................................................................

Even Eels Make Mistakes ‘Mistakes of My Youth’ is the new single from the Eels, and it is currently available for listen via SoundCloud (and no doubt plenty of other places as well). The track is another taste from the band’s forthcoming new album, The Cautionary Tales of Mark Oliver Everett. Set for release next month, the Eels’ team describe the album as “an extremely vivid and intimate document of a personal struggle”. .........................................................................

Flea Gets a Cartoon Makeover He has done a bit in his time, has ol’ Flea’, and now the Red Hot Chili Pepper bassist is lending his voice to a character in a Disney cartoon. The bass slinger will appear in the cartoon Sheriff Callie’s Wild West in an episode

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called ‘The Pie Thief’. He will play the character of a milk thief in the town of Nice and Friendly Corners. Will his thievery ways upset the town? I guess you’ll have to find out for yourself. .........................................................................

Ronnie James Dio A tribute album for Ronnie James Dio is just around the corner. Titled This Is Your Life, the album features the likes of Motörhead, Doro, Corey Taylor and Tenacious D. One of the biggest names to grace the heavy metal world, Dio, who passed away in 2010, made his name in acts including Elf, Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell and Dio. The album will raise funds for the Ronnie James Dio Stand Up and Shout Cancer Fund. .........................................................................

Committed to Andrew Strong When Andrew Strong toured The Commitments last year, the shows were a triumph. So much so that he is returning for another round of shows. Strong appeared as Declan “Deco” Cuffe in the 1991 film The Commitments, about a bunch of working class Dubliners who form a soul band. Incredibly, and impressively, Strong was only 16 at the time he appeared in the film. This is music to lift your soul and spirits. The Corner – August 3.

New Bonjah Album Nears

Who is Washington?

Recorded across a ten day period with Jan Skubiszewski, Beautiful Wild is the title of Bonjah’s forthcoming new album (April release). It will be their third effort. According to the press, Beautiful Wild is the Melbourne band’s most diverse work to date. It even features the vocal talents of Ella Hooper. As a treat, Bonjah will perform the album in its entirety at The Corner on May 9. They will also perform a selection of favourites.

It has been a couple of years since we have heard anything new from ARIA-winning songbird Washington; however, that has all changed with new single, ‘Who Are You’. Recorded at London’s RAK Studios and Peter Gabriel’s New World, the new single features Stella Mozgawa (Warpaint) on percussion. It also marks a rebirth of sorts for Ms Washington. Howler – April 12.

London Calling All Cars

The Walking Dead – Game On

Well, it looks as though Melbourne rock outfit Calling All Cars will be drinking warm beer for a little while as they eye off London. The move has been allowed by a successful fundraising campaign, including a massive $20,000 contribution from Adam Dove, a Deal Principal at Toyota’s Seymour dealership. Dove used the donation to purchase the band’s tour van, which he intends to hire out to musicians. Good luck in London, lads.

To coincide with the launch of season five later in the year, a new mobile game based on The Walking Dead will be released. Next Games and AMC are behind the venture. Next Games’ CEO Teemu Huuhtanen: “Our take on the undead survival franchise will match the against-all-odds action and moment-to-moment tension of the TV series. We want to find that sweet spot where gameplay and narrative inform and reinforce one another.”

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The Delta Riggs in Casualty In support of their second album, Dipz Zebazios, The Delta Riggs will hit the road for a handful of shows next month. The band recently issued the first taste of their sophomore effort with single ‘Supersonic Casualties’. Frontman Elliott Hammond: “It’s a definite sonic shift for us … it’s also something that we wanted to do to challenge ourselves and in turn, those who might not expect this from the band.” John Curtin Bandroom – April 25. .........................................................................

The Bionic Drummer Something cool you may have come across is the video of aspiring drummer Jason Barnes, who a couple of years ago lost his right arm. After enrolling at the Atlanta Institute of Music and Media, he met engineering professor Gil Weinberg, who designed Barnes a prosthetic arm to allow him to continue drumming (Barnes had previously built a crude device of his own). YouTube search GTCMT Robotic Drum Prosthesis Project.

Zorro Gets a Makeover Somewhere in L.A.: Ideas, people. I want ideas! How about a reboot? Brilliant! Colombia Pictures is moving forward with their plan to give Zorro a bit of a makeover. In a report made by Deadline, Chris Boal (whose brother Mark penned The Hurt Locker) has been hired to give the script a re-write. According to Deadline, the new script film will give Zorro “a new backstory, gritty realism and [an] emotional core”. .........................................................................

The Beauty of Bob Mould Former Hüsker Dü frontman Bob Mould has announced that his new album, Beauty and Ruin, will be released early June. Hüsker Dü started life as a hardcore punk band before switching to alternative rock. The band broke up in the late ’80s, with Mould releasing his debut solo album, Workbook, in 1989. Beauty and Ruin will be his eleventh release. He recently appeared on Late Show with Dave Letterman. .........................................................................

We Demand More Shows Well, with some of the biggest names in pop touring our shores in 2014 it is little wonder that shows having been selling out. First they tease with one date; then the inevitable dates follow. JT has added a second date at Etihad Stadium on September 19, while Katy Perry has added a third Rod Laver Show on November 18. By the time this goes to print there will no doubt be more news out there. I hope you’re keeping an eye out!

The Martinez Brothers’ Debut Raised on a steady diet of Paradise Garage, The Martinez Brothers (Steve and Chris) are two young men from the Bronx with an insatiable love of house music. Having been in the game for a few years (despite one being in his early twenties and the other in his mid-twenties), their DJ sets have taken them as far as Tokyo and the Ukraine. Their name is as hot as they come at the moment. Circoloco – April 26. .........................................................................

Remember the Thundamentals In April and May Thundamentals will take in a few stops around the country as part of the Groovin’ the Moo roadshow. But that wasn’t enough, so in order to spread the musical love a little further the hip hop trio will perform a few shows smack-bang in the middle of the run. It’s just how the trio rolls. Oh, they also have new single ‘Something I Said’ to show off. The newie features Thom Crawford. The Corner – May 2.

Biffy Clyro Returns Sometimes when you go see a band and they tell you they will return shortly, you take it with a grain of salt. And that’s mainly because they’re full of crap. But Scottish rock outfit Biffy Clyro? They’re men of their word. Yep, at the opening leg of Soundwave, the lads promised they would return for shows in September, and that is just what they’re doing – right down to the month! The Palais – September 7.

Action Bronson Sideshow

What the GIF?! We’re no doubt all familiar with the GIF thing. GIFGIF, however, is something else. An interactive project by two students at the MIT Media Lab, GIFGIF catalogues moving images by emotion. So, basically, you will be able to find a looping clip for any emotion you can think of – any! The best way to find out what the hell all this is about is by checking in on gifgif.media.mit.edu. Why? Well, it’s one way to kill a few minutes.

As we know, festivals mean sideshows. Which is great news is you want another stab at your favourite artist or you prefer things a little more low-key. One Groovin’ the Moo sideshow that will have people clambering for tickets is Action Bronson. Following support spots with Kendrick Lamar and Eminem, Bronson is heading back to the country that has made him feel so welcome. The Corner – May 1.

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For Hellions Sake

The Birds of Satan

Sydney hardcore outfit Hellions continue to go at it the only way they know how: full-throttle. Since joining the UNFD family last year, the band has released their debut album, Die Young, and performed a stack of shows around the country. More recently, they have dropped the video for what is the final single off their debut, ‘22’. The Reference – May 9 & Wrangler Studios – May 10 (AA).

As street presses travel a little slower than the ol’ internet-thingamajig, you would probably be aware that Foo Fighters’ stickman, Taylor Hawkins, has a new gig going called The Birds of Satan. ‘Thanks for the Line’ is the band’s first track, with their self-titled debut set to drop next month. Taylor provides drums and vocals on the album, as well as piano. Mr Dave Grohl also guests (unsurprisingly) on one track.

Congratulations to Big Scary Just a friendly shout-out and a big, hearty congratulations to Big Scary, the lovable Melbourne twosome who took out the 9 th Australian Music Prize. The two-piece, comprised of Tom Iansek and Jo Syme, pocketed a very handy $30,000 for their second album, Not Art. They beat out an impressive shortlist which included Cloud Control, Beaches, Jagwar Ma, Jimblah, Jen Cloher, Kirin J Callinan, Horrorshow and Dialectrix.

FRI 21 MAR 2014

Moon Patrol REST

ENT AURA N TS – BARS – ENTER TA I N M

SAT 22 MAR 2014

Bridget P FRI 28 MAR 2014

Friday night drink promos 5.30 til 6.30 and 9 til 10.30 Saturday Night Bulmers Jugs Specials 7 – 10pm GROVEDALE HOTEL 236-258 SURFCOAST HIGHWAY PHONE: (03) 5243 2814 | GROVEDALEHOTEL.COM.AU

Fully Loaded

SAT 29 MAR 2014

Thom

FACEBOOK.COM/GROVEDALEHOTEL

TWITTER.COM/GROVEDALEHOTEL

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY

CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE Thursday March 20th

Kids in the Kitchen and more

BEAVS BAR: Dave Anderson Live

GPAC: Next to Normal

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night

MARTIANS CAFE: Monique Brumby

EUREKA: Thirsty Thursday with resident DJsSimon One, Shorty J, Max McKay, TVB, Pinky, Aybakez, Paul-E, Vickers

EDGE GEELONG: Live band and DJ ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live Band 9.30pm to Midnight

GPAC: Next to Normal

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Bridget P

Virgin Melbourne Fashion Festival presents a Night of Fashion in Castlemaine 7.30pm

THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Stayin’ Alive The Australian Bee Gees Show

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Baltimore Gun Club

HOME HOUSE: Upstairs, Johhny Canik (Cloud Nine) Zac De Petro (TFU) till late Downstairs The Best Hip Hop and RnB Georgia Sinclair (TV personality)

THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 EDGE: Edge Thursdays 80s music and 80s Cocktails

Friday March 21st LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Test Pilot Molly & DJs Mainroom and Terrace. Open from 6pm

THE MAX HOTEL: Frequency WHISPERS: DJ’s including from Katt Nial Orkestraded, Slice N Dice, Andy Murphy, Damon Walsh, Chardy, Combo, Butters, Jane Daffy, Matt Watkins, Stevie Mink, Jungle Jim, Cosmos, Midnight, Yasumo

Sunday March 23rd BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Live band in the front bar.

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): The Smith Street Band

HOME HOUSE: Homehouse Fridays Party with DJs, Steve Camp, Simon One, Keith Evans, Marcel & more

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): SUNDAY SESH: Spining Vinyl from Noon, DJ RJ from 5pm

TORQUAY HOTEL: Carus Thompson BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE) King of the North BLACK HATT: Rocker BARWON CLUB HOTEL:Teal, Bear The Mommoth, The Kite Machine. Entry $10 + B/F or $15 Door BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Locals Night, Spinning Vinyl from 4pm BEAVS BAR: Rosco CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind with live music then DJ EDGE GEELONG: Live music GPAC: Next to Normal THE WOOL EXCHANGE ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX: British India

BEAVS BAR: Mark Wilkingson BLACK HATT: Andy Pobjoy from 4pm CITY QUARTER: Sunset party with Marley, Duckfat, DMT and Earl from 4pm EDGE GEELONG: Live entertainment ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live jazz with 3pm – 6pm GEELONG RSL: Live Jazz LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live entry $10 Student & Industry Night. Live band Unlimited & DJs in the Mainroom and Terrace

Monday March 24th BARWON CLUB HOTEL: $10 Parmis ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

PIPING HOT CHICKEN SHOP (Ocean Grove): Soft Gold cd launch featuring Sarah Carroll and Marcel Borrack AND Ukulele Carnivale cd launch featuring Narelle Jolley and Susan Russell

Tuesday March 25th

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): The Cairos

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Moon Patrol

GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13

THE MAX HOTEL: Figjam

BLACK HATT: Bachata Dance Classes

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Shaun Kirk

Saturday March 22nd BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Rachel Brennan, Olly Friend, Kyle Taylor $5

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CITY QUARTER BAR: Live entertainment and DJ

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night

THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot

HARVESTER MOON: Eleanor McEvoy

Wednesday March 26th BEAVS BAR: Dave Anderson, Karaoke Open Mic GEELONG RSL: Pot and Parmi Night $13

BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Resident DJ’s

BLACK HATT: Cuban Salsa Dance Classes

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live Band Stella & DJs Mainroom and Terrace. Open from 9pm

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8pm. Have fun win prizes book a table

TORQUAY HOTEL: Ginjan BEAVS BAR: Steve Pianto Live

Thursday March 27th

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Retro Vinyl and live music from Noon, DJ from 8pm

BIRD ROCK CAFÉ: (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night

THE GATEWAY HOTEL: Absolutely 80’s feat - Brian Mannix, Scott Carne,

THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm,

amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Taylor Henderson *sold out BEAVS BAR: Melody Pool Andy Forster Live Main Room EUREKA: Thirsty Thursday with Ruby Rose plus resident DJsSimon One, Shorty J, Max McKay, TVB, Pinky, Aybakez, Paul-E, Vickers. BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Black Diamond, EFF, Laced In Lust. Entry $15 EDGE: Edge Thursdays 80s music and 80s Cocktails

Friday March 28th AT THE HEADS: Live music from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) THE BARWON CLUB: Glittergang. Entry $10

THE MAX HOTEL : Trojan

WHISPERS: DJ’s including from Katt Nial Orkestraded, Slice N Dice, Andy Murphy, Damon Walsh, Chardy, Combo, Butters, Jane Daffy, Matt Watkins, Stevie Mink, Jungle Jim, Cosmos, Midnight, Yasumo

Saturday March 29th

Sunday March 30th

THE BARWON CLUB: Veeped “Barn Voyage”. Entry $15

TORQUAY HOTEL: Cloud Control. Free Entry

Box plus Centre and South and Sons of May. Live band Guilty Pleasure & DJs Main Room and Terrace, open from 9pm

BAROWN HEADS HOTEL: Resident DJ’s BEAVS BAR: Steve Pianto Live BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Retro Vinyl and live music from Noon, DJ from 8pm CITY QUARTER: Live entertainment ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live band Frequency 9.30pm to midnight THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Thom EDGE: Live music plus DJ

BLACK HATT: Phil Para Band

HOME HOUSE: Upstairs, Nick Coleman (Suckmusic) Emma Storey (Motel) supports, Harry Mullins, Scott Lee, Kieth Evans, Steve Camp, Downstairs Australia’s best Hip-Hop & RnB with Crunk

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Locals Night, Spinning Vinyl from 4pm

THE NEWMARKET (Bendigo): King of the North

BEAVS BAR: Luke Biscan

THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Celtic Illusion

HOME HOUSE: Homehouse Fridays Party with DJs, Steve Camp, Simon One, Keith Evans, Marcel & more. Doors open 10.30pm

BUBUSHKA BAR (Ballarat): Shaun Kirk KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Frankenbok

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Afrovival & Oil Can Project

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday

THE GATEWAY HOTEL: The Sunny Cowgirls

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Fully Loaded THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Lisa Marie Presley CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind from 5pm. Live with live entertainment and DJ EDGE GEELONG: Live music LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Grape Crushers from 7pm with Buddha In Chocolate

THE LIGHTHOUSE THEATRE (WARRNAMBOOL): Man in the Man in the Mirror - Reflection fo Micheal Jackson LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live band Stella & DJs Mainroom and Terrace. Open from 9pm OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Under the Covers with Gabe Atkinson THE MAX HOTEL: Double Vision

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Sunday front bar with live band. Band Room Rocku Music $10 from 5pm BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): SUNDAY SESH: Spining Vinyl from Noon, DJ RJ from 5pm BLACK HATT: Electric Avenue live from 4pm CITY QUARTER: Perfect Sunday Sesh Live music and DJ from 4pm MARTIANS CAFE (Deans Marsh): LIttle Wise

LORD NELSON HOTEL: /Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D THE SPHINX HOTEL: Meals for $11

Tuesday April 1st GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night BLACK HATT: Bachata Dance Classes

Wednesday April 2nd BEAVS BAR: Karaoke and Open Mic and Luke Biscan GEELONG RSL: Pot and Parmi Night $13

EDGE GEELONG: Live music and DJ

THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Lake

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live Jazz Des Camm band + from 6pm Parmi Night 6 Great Parmis $20

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8pm. Have fun win prizes book a table

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Joe Camilleri And the Black Sorrow W/ Chris Wilson THE LIGHTHOUSE THEATRE (WARRNAMBOOL): Raymond Crowe: The Unusualist THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Queens of the Outback GEELONG RSL: Live Jazz LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Student & Industry Night (Free entry all night) w/ Live band Adam 12 & DJs in the Mainroom and Terrace THE SPHINX HOTEL: Carvery from $17.00

Monday March 31st ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night BARWON CLUB: Kylsa (USA), Dead, The Underhanded. $35 + B/F

BLACK HATT: Cuban Salsa Dance Classes

Thursday April 3rd CQ BAR: Imogen Brough Heart single launch, plus supports from 7pm. $10 entry EUREKA: Thirsty Thursday with resident DJs Shorty J, Pinky, Max McKay, TVB Aybakez Michael Cameron Roger E and more. Free Entry before 11pm when using a guest list KAROVA LOUNGE: Psycroptic BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night

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TODD McKENNEY sings

Peter Allen "Todd McKenney out shines the sequins on his shirts" Herald Sun

"Todd is, in a show of his own creation, magnetic, exciting, out there and above all memorable" Alan Jones 2GB

Friday, 4 April Capital Theatre, Bendigo thecapital.com.au / 03 5434 6100

Saturday, 5 April Arts Centre, Mildura milduraartscentre.com.au / 03 5018 8330

Friday, 11 April The Palms at Crown, Melbourne ticketek.com.au / 132 849

Saturday, 12 April The Regent Theatre, Ballarat 03 5330 5555 or from the venue

Friday, 2 May Civic Theatre, Wagga Wagga civictheatre.com.au / 02 6926 9688

Friday, 9 May Glasshouse Theatre, Port Macquarie glasshouse.org.au / 02 6581 8888

Saturday, 10 May Civic Theatre, Newcastle civictheatrenewcastle.com.au / 02 4929 1977

Friday, 23 May Rooty Hill RSL, Rooty Hill rootyhillrsl.com.au / 02 9625 5500

Saturday, 24 May Entertainment Centre, Bathurst bmec.com.au / 02 6333 6161

Friday, 30 May Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool lighthousetheatre.com.au / 03 5559 4999

Saturday, 31 May Performing Arts Centre, Frankston artscentre.frankston.vic.gov.au / 03 9784 1060

toddmckenney.com.au

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Bliss N Eso written by Natalie Rogers

Our most celebrated hip hop duo, the mighty Bliss N Eso, have been quietly working away on something big. Fortunately they chose Forte to share some of the secrets of the ‘Circus Under the Stars’ tour. “It’ll be nothing like you’ve ever seen before!” divulged emcee Bliss, aka Jonathan Notley. “It’ll be an Australian music first and hopefully a little historic. As the title suggests, every show is outdoors and we have a few surprises up our sleeves that I can’t spill the beans on. But I can tell you that we’ll have a full live band. We trialled the band at Big Day Out and it was fantastic, so we’re looking forward to expanding on it further. “That’s something we’ve never done live before. We plan to have guitars, a grand piano, drums, of course our DJ, and a few other elements as well. It’s going to bring an entirely new energy to the show.”

Add to that a stellar line-up of Aussie hip hop and you have something worth the hype. “We’ve got a couple of the best acts in the country coming along with us: Seth Sentry and Horrorshow. We did a run a couple of years back with Horrorshow at the ‘Running on Air Tour’. They were received so well by our fans and had such a great synergy with us that we knew we always wanted them back on the road with us. “But we also wanted Seth Sentry; whether we could get both was a worry for us. Luckily they’re both our friends and were into the idea. We also have Ceekay Jones out from the States. We worked together on our single ‘My Life’, so it’s definitely going to be a fun run. “The line-up is almost like a mini Australian hip hop festival, although these days you’d be lucky to get three acts of this calibre on the bill. We’re stoked with the outcome.” Bliss N Eso are also eager to announce that they’re offering the opening slot of each show to a local

unsigned artist. Although submissions have already closed, stay tuned to social media for your chance to choose the winners from the shortlist that will be handpicked by the guys themselves. So with less than a month ’til the much-anticipated tour kicks off, I wondered what other preparations are underway. “Coming up to a tour I need to have some level of fitness. If I don’t, the first show back I’m like ‘damn! I’m not twenty one anymore!’ I wish I was a few years younger ... nah, just kidding,” Bliss laughed. “We’re still young at heart, but we always do a very draining show. We’re very energetic; we jump around the whole time. The good thing is I kind of lose myself in the moment and just have fun. “We like to take people on a journey during our live shows, and now that we’re five albums deep, we’ve got a large back catalogue to choose from.” Since their ARIA Award-winning and breakthrough release Flying Colours (2008), Bliss N Eso have become pioneers of Aussie hip hop and a household name. “Eso and I are fortunate that we’ve had a lot of success with our singles. Everyone knows them, so the vibe at shows is incredible.” Playing to crowds of tens of thousands at some of the biggest festivals in the world does sound pretty incredible; however, Bliss remains philosophical about life in the spotlight: “It’s been a bit of a battle to be honest. I used to be hard-nosed and wanted to just keep working on and on because we had such

a long way to go, but now I try to enjoy the journey. It’s not all about the destination. It’s about living life while you get there. “I think a balance is very important though because it’s very easy to get lost in the game, and a lot of artists do. They get complacent. When you’re the creator of your own destiny it’s very easy to get on a wave of your own success and crash. It’s important to stay level-headed, that’s for sure.” Despite the fact that Bliss N Eso were the first Australian hip hop group to successfully tour the US, and have since amassed a social media following of over 600,000, they still call Australia home, particularly the humble Garden State. “We built our career off touring before we had any proper releases. Ballarat and Bendigo have always been a strong support. We brought hip hop to these towns before any other group did and they repay us by selling out any venue we play. So we’re very excited to go back to those places and set up our mini festival. “We want Forte readers to know we’re coming – so get up and represent!” When&Where: Ballarat Showgrounds, Ballarat – May 10 & Bendigo Showgrounds, Bendigo – May 15

Staff and Management of the EMC Group Geelong strongly enforce a no-drug policy. Enjoy great music & drinks whilst staying drug-free.

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All the Colours written by Tex Miller

Without a doubt, one of the most exciting bands that I saw play at Queenscliff Music Festival in 2012 was All the Colours; having only just formed as a band, the indie-pop and rocky songs were infectious, and it was easy to see that they were a band on the rise. Fast forward a couple of years, and All the Colours are just resting and relaxing before heading out on the road in support of their debut album. On the massive bill that was Big Day Out 2014, my opening question to guitarist and vocalist Jono Toogood was: Did they get to drop it like it’s hot with Snoop? “It’s really funny you say that mate, because every interview that we have done in the post-media circus in the lead up to the album, that has been the opening question. No one seems to care about how the new songs went down on what the experience was like; it’s all did we get to hang out with the man? He came in five minutes before he played and was ushered out straight after.” Playing around the country on the tour, it was a complete honour and a bucket list ticking sort of affair to be playing alongside such high calibre acts, as All the Colours are still rather new to the industry. “Five shows on some of the biggest stages with enormous crowds is pretty good pre-album. We have previously released four singles, and so to now have a debut album to our name is pretty freaking exciting man, let me tell you,” Toogood said whilst drinking his morning coffee, early Monday morning as we do the interview.

immediacy of writing and recording, since the band’s conception in 2011. “The first single was released only a couple of months after we formed. It took about four different sessions to record the album and has been finished for about the past six months. It’s sounding fantastic, and we can’t wait to get out on the road and tour it.”

The recording process behind the album was exactly the same to the previously released singles, due to the

One of the freshest and grooviest singles off the selftitled release is ‘Shame’. With jangly guitars and a tight

When&Where: The Workers Club – March 27 & The Hills Are Alive – March 29 & 30 rhythm section, I am definitely going to be considering it for my triple j Hottest 100 shortlist. From reading the press release for the album, it seems that there was quite a meld of influences on the writing of the tunes. ‘Shame’ sounds a bit White Stripes and a bit QOTSA, so be sure to get your chops around it. The sound of the band is often referred to as ‘vintage’, and without trying to sound like a bunch of wankers, there is a definite homage to their parents’ record collection. “Of

course we are going to be drawing on what our parents showed us … Michael Jackson, The Doors, Beatles, and we are going to mash it all up. There is scope to play around with anything at this stage of the game.” Josh Moriarty, another one of the members of All the Colours, is also the frontman for Miami Horror, and is busily working on the follow-up to their debut record. In the meantime, check out this stellar outfit. I guarantee your mum will enjoy it.

Christopher Coleman Collective written by zach broadhurst

The Christopher Coleman Collective is the perfect way to describe namesake Christopher Coleman’s band, one which has an ever-changing line-up from one show to the next as he collects whoever is available to play, making every show unique. “It certainly helps with keeping the shows fresh and spontaneous,” explains Coleman. “It’s good because it’s not about someone replicating a part that somebody else did; it’s very much the additions’ personality bringing their own interpretations to it.” Having limited resources means the band’s line-up often consists of whoever is willing – and being able to make friends around the country becomes a major asset. “Naturally, being independent and this being a first album there isn’t a budget to really bring people at all,” says Coleman. “If people are willing to come off their own back then absolutely that would be ideal, but because I’ve played around for a while I’ve kind of got friends in places who are often willing to just come up for a night and have a play. And the songs are simple, so it’s not a difficult process for them to deal with.” And despite the ever-changing line-up, the combination of straightforward material and talented players means the shows go on without a hitch. “I can’t recall a show just flopping because of a player not really knowing what they are doing,” says Coleman. “I guess I’m lucky that the ambition has been matched with players who are really good at what they do.” Coleman will be playing around the country in March and April as he promotes his self-titled album – which

will be released on March 14 – and after 25 months working on the tracks Coleman is confident his debut album is ready. “There’s not really anxiety about what people will think of the album, more out of my own personal anxiety about is this something that I’m happy with,” says Coleman. “Self-doubt about certain takes or certain songs; some got re-recorded and some got ditched all together and some were written the day before the session. There was just a lot of indecision around the whole process, but in the end I think it worked out and we came out with a well-balanced record.” The more than two-year process making the album was a battle for Coleman, who at times struggled to find the desire to go on. “The recoding process and the hours spent tracking really doesn’t justify a two-year period,” says Coleman. “It was more around me falling in and out of love with the project and why I was doing it in the first place. I’d like to think that the first album is the hardest to make.” Coleman is used to personal battles and is refreshingly open about his own struggles. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 22-years-old, and is doing his best to shed some light on an often ignored topic. “I feel it’s good to be open because so many people feel like it’s a negative or a curse, or have a façade of having their shit together and being strong and confident,” says Coleman. “I think that everybody deals with it to a certain extent, and an open conversation can’t be a bad thing.”

When&Where: Music Man Megastore, Bendigo – March 20 & Shebeen, Melbourne – March 21

King of the North written by Natalie Rogers

He was named as one of the ‘Top 25 Future Guitar Legends’ by Australian Guitar Magazine for pioneering the ‘3 from 1 guitar’ technique – meaning he found a way to produce the sound of two guitars and a bass through a solitary instrument. The King of the North himself, Andrew Higgs, explains: “Somehow I stumbled across the idea of how to make a two-piece sound like a fivepiece. But I didn’t have the money or equipment to test it out at first,” Andrew laughed. That’s until one “serendipitous” event back in his hometown of Adelaide, when he and bandmate/ drummer Danny Leo found themselves alone in a room full of the equipment they needed. “I said to Danny, ‘just jump on those drums for a sec. I’m going to hook all this stuff up to see if it actually works’.” It did, and the rest is history.

magazine, you know?” Despite that, it seems KOTN may not be able to stay out of the mainstream for long. Their incredible sound has caught the ears of the bigwigs over at Triple M, who named their debut release Sound the Underground (out now) as ‘Album of the Week’, while the debut single, ‘Wanted’, is the soundtrack to the campaign for BMW Australia’s new ‘2 Series Coupe’. “We feel very blessed, we’re very lucky. Things have snowballed really quickly: within three months of playing around Melbourne we were playing Festival Hall with Cold Chisel, which was pretty gnarly!” Be a part of Aussie rock history while the boys embark on the first national tour. “It feels really good, it’s kind of hard to describe! We love what we do, playing indie rock’n’roll, and the fact that people are getting behind us, so we can continue along, which is amazing.”

Since that fateful day, Andrew and Danny knew they were onto something, but there was a problem – while Andrew had long since packed up and moved to Melbourne, Danny was still living in Adelaide. “During 2011 I’d go over there and do one or two shows in a weekend and then a month later he’d come over here. I like the analogy that you wouldn’t move to Alice Springs if you wanted to be a pro snowboarder, you gotta go where it’s snowing,” Andrew says in his typical laid-back manner. “One day Danny just said, ‘that’s enough! I’m moving to Melbourne’.

In between playing their solo shows up and down the coast, KOTN will be the support for US rockers Monster Magnet. Hailing from New Jersey, they cite 1970’s heavy metal as a major influence and have been making and releasing records since 1989. “We’re big fans of Monster Magnet and it’ll be pretty cool to be doing the national tour with them. I basically teed that up on a chairlift in Whistler when I was on holiday a couple of weeks ago. I was negotiating that between runs,” he joked. “It’s an awesome win for us. We couldn’t be happier.”

“Melbourne’s got the pubs and the music-loving crowd. There’s a real scene here and the crowd doesn’t need to be told what’s cool by a major radio station or major

Be careful, however, as these gigs are not for the fainthearted: “We sound like an absolute thunderstorm live!” You’ve been warned.

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When&Where: The Bridge, Castlemaine – March 21 & The Newmarket, Bendigo – March 29

TALK OF THE

TOWN!

Keepin' it Regional!

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The E&D Online Directory can help you out! edmag.com.au

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Talk of the Town: Where we don’t believe the hype. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Deans Marsh Festival If the Deans Marsh Festival were a teenager, it would be legally old enough to drink this weekend. Not that that has ever stopped teenagers before, mind you. Anyway, this weekend the festival turns the big 1-8, and good times shall be had by all. Let’s have a little look. Okay, basically the festival is a celebration of the rich and diverse hinterland community of artists, craftspeople, food and wine producers and musicians. An eclectic festival, storytelling, busy poetry, snake handling, frog displays, working dogs and horses, the famous dog high jump, heritage displays, Jack Russell races, exhibitions, market stalls, pioneer games, food (only the tastiest local produce, of course), activities for the little ones (including jumping castle and face painting) and live music are all on the menu. Have you a competitive spirit? Then put that spirit to the test in the Deans Marsh Gift. Or try something a little different by testing your arm in the gumboot toss. As well as the fantastic entertainment on offer, the Deans Marsh Festival is the town’s major fundraiser and supports the Primary School, CFA, the Red Cross, Community Hall and Cottage Groups. Entry to the festival is by a gold coin donation. Enjoy a day when times were a little simpler. Deans Marsh Reserve – March 23. .........................................................................

Myrniong Music Festival Situated around 30 minutes from Ballarat is the definition of a small town with a population of 210 at the 2006 census. But its small numbers certainly doesn’t mean it isn’t capable of holding its own musical festival. Taking to the Myrniong Recreation Reserve this Saturday, March 22 is a line-up as good as you’ll find anywhere. Eagle and the Worm, Them 9’s, Bad News Toilet, Lincoln le Fevre and the Insiders, Murdena, Biggy Rat, Single, Jakarta Criers and Mischievous Thom will all perform. Having performed at local festivals including the Big Day Out, Meredith, Bluesfest and Falls Festival, as well as international shindigs, Eagle and the Worm are old pros when it comes to the stage. And they’re still so young! You will find horns. You will find ’60’s vocal harmonies. You will find hot young talent. .........................................................................

A Touch of BlackDiamond Aussie rock and roll: doesn’t it just fill you with pride? Sweaty band rooms, pumping fists, stale beer, regretful nights, hangovers… what is not to love?! And if you love that, then you’re bound to love BlackDiamond. Hailing from New South Wales, the band conjures up images of some guy in a school uniform who plays big riffs. Well, that takes care of the attitude part of the equation. You can also throw in a little of Queen’s glamour and the pump of Guns N’ Roses as well. Oh, and touches of Def Leppard, Bon Jovi and Mötley Crüe. Call it ‘Glam Dirt’ if you like – the band doesn’t mind. Their new single is ‘Touch of Love’ and they’re off around the country to make it shine. The Barwon Club, Geelong – March 27; The Loft, Warrnambool – March 28; Music Man Megastore, Bendigo – March 29. .........................................................................

Jebu Delivers Noxu ‘Noxu’ is the latest slice of goodness from Jebu and Ivan Gough. The new release is out on Steve Angello’s Size Records and is receiving all sorts of praise (edmtunes. com, dancingastronaut.com, earmilk.com etc.). As for Jebu, he is Melbourne DJ and producer Jeremy Bunawan. Believe it or not, Jebu was not even in double figures when he had his light bulb moment. At the age of eight, the future beatmeister heard Benny Benassi’s ‘Satisfaction’ and knew exactly what he wanted to do. Later down the track he bought Fruity Loops and began to experiment with sounds. Later still, and he released a couple of tracks on Neon Records. The rising star’s supporters include Hardwell, Chuckie, Morgan Page, Matisse and Sadko. Haida Bar, Ballarat – March 29 & Eureka Hotel, Geelong – April 12. .........................................................................

Cosmic Psychos in the Country Finishing off 2013 in fine form, the Cosmic Psychos started 2014 in better form, travelling the country as part of the BDO. But they’re not done yet. Not by a long shot. Their return to the stage has not gone unnoticed. This came from a review of their Big Day Out performance in Adelaide, with thanks to GLAMadelaide.com.au: “Back in town, the legendary rockers the Cosmic Psychos delivered a hard and loud set to a small yet appreciative group of fans, many of whom would have seen them at the first of the Big Day Out’s in the ’90s.They finished their show in true Psycho’s style by bearing their bottoms to the audience, and continued leaving a trail of empty beer bottles in their wake.” The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 25; The Karova, Ballarat – April 26; Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – April 27. .........................................................................

The Ways of Faye Blais Currently based in Canada, songwoman Faye Blais has been back touring familiar soil since earlier this month. Originally from Sunbury, Blais offers up a jazzy-bluesy folk style that has been described “as continuing the thread started by Joni, picked up by Ani and fashioned by Feist”. She has spent at least half of the last decade overseas, recording and touring her albums through the US as well as Australia, New Zealand and Taiwan. She has called Canada home since 2009, and those fine Canadians have warmly embraced her with appearances on several festival line-ups and numerous nominations for Northern Ontario Music and Film Awards. Her single, ‘The Ways I Love You’, is an International Songwriting Competition semi-finalist. Gold Dust Lounge, Bendigo – April 4.

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Apia Time of my Life Tour

For the Love of Stonefield

When you’re on to a winning formula, you stick with it. Last year Apia hosted a series of sold-out events around the country. Now four of Australia’s finest are warming up for another round: Joe Camilleri, Richard Clapton, Russell Morris and Leo Sayer. In 2014 Camilleri notches up 50 years in the music industry – a massive effort indeed. And he accomplishes this feat with another milestone – next month he will release Certified Blue, his 45th album. Joe was inducted into the ARIA Hall of Fame in 2007. Clapton has a career spanning 40 years, over which time he has played the role of a tribal elder to artists including Jimmy Barnes, INXS and Cold Chisel. Later in the year he is set to release his memoirs. Russell ‘The Real Thing’ Morris has been going strong since the mid-’60s. His golden run occurred between the late 1960s and early 1970s, during which time he had five top ten singles in Australia. And then we have Leo Sayer, a man who has penned hits for Cliff Richard, Roger Daltrey, Tina Turner and Dolly Parton among others. His first US #1, ‘You Make Me Feel Like Dancing’, scored him a Grammy. Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool – April 30 & Costa Hall @ GPAC – May 31.

To paraphrase the Eurythmics, the Findlay sisters are doin’ it for themselves. We have come to know Amy, Hannah, Sarah and Holly Findlay pretty well; after all, their musical journey so far is one that every bedroom rocker dreams about. (The whole country Victoria band playing Glastonbury has a nice ring to it.) And things are far from slowing down. 2013 welcomed the band’s self-titled debut album, before the band capped off the year with a Best Regional Act award at The Age Music Victoria Awards. Although the band has found plenty of love along the way, particularly for their two EPs, there’s always great pressure (felt or otherwise) when it comes to delivering an all-important first album. However, when you have producer Ian Davenport (Radiohead, Band of Skulls) at the helm, you know you must be doing something right. Their latest single is ‘Love You Deserve’, and it’s this single that sees them setting out for a national tour. The accompanying clip features the sisters jamming in a shed before taking to the paddock for a game of chicken. Speaking with FasterLouder, Amy said this about the song: “For me it was that realisation of growth, self-respect and trusting your instincts.” Check it out online, learn the lyrics and then enjoy the show. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – March 22.

Residual’s Days are Numbered They recently took to the Push Pop-Up Stage at the Moomba festival and tomorrow (Friday, March 21) will support British India at Geelong’s Wool Exchange Entertainment Complex, but Geelong’s own Residual have plenty more to give. Celebrating the release of their new single ‘Numbered’, the charming four-piece have announced a handful of dates that kick off next month. The single is a taste of their forthcoming EP. Beav’s Bar, Geelong – April 10 & The Loft, Warrnambool – April 12. Jordan Riddle supports. .........................................................................

The Beards Built by God When you have a beard, and you’re proud of said beard, you sure as hell do all you can to promote its awesomeness. Of course, having the ability to play some mighty fine tunes helps the cause. We know The Beards. We know how proud they are of their gloriously bearded faces. We know they love playing tunes. And so they are hitting the road for one massive tour that will keep them busy from May through August. Their new album is The Beard Album. Bassist Nathan Beard: “Our previous albums were pretty beardy, but we just felt they didn’t quite fully sum up our affinity toward beards. Now with this new album, we feel like we’ve finally released what will probably go down as the most pro-beard album in history.” The Karova, Ballarat – July 16; The Barwon Club, Geelong – July 17; Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – July 19. .........................................................................

Not Yet Dead Jem and Jace are dead. Not literally, as that would make for a dull show. But they are the two masterminds behind DEAD. Both Jem and Jace have served time in different outfits, but they are gluttons for musical punished and so in 2010 they gave birth to DEAD. They then started writing songs, booked a tour and played a bunch of shows. A stack of these shows occurred in faraway lands such as South East Asia and the US. New Zealand and Japan got a look-in a little later. Then last year they returned to the US for round two. They’re also pretty fond of Australia as well. And Castlemaine? Well, apparently that is where you will find the best dancers and the best food. Oh, and they spell their name in capitals because “there are only four letters and you have to make them count”. Solid point. The Bridge, Castlemaine – March 22. They will be joined by Wicked City and Sarge & The Nuked.

Kirsty Mac - Feminazi After burning up comedy club stages all around the world: the UK and North America to be specific, stand up comic Kirsty Mac is returning to her home town of Geelong to unleash Feminazi in the 2014 Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Mac promises to make you laugh about misogyny until it hurts somebody. In light of the madness surrounding the downfall of our first female PM, Kirsty Mac lays down some epic truth bombs about feminism as it stands today. In the words of a reviewer “audiences connected with the veracity of the comedy by throwing their head back with laughter while exclaiming ‘it’s true, it’s true’.” Weekend Notes. This year has been coined ‘the year for feminist comedy’ and Feminazi is gearing up to be one of the Melbourne Comedy festivals must see shows. Tickets $30 availaible at kirstymac.com, comedyfestival.com.au, trybooking.com/egbx or at the door. 12th of April @ The Studio at GAPA 1/37 Gheringhap Street, Geelong

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The Spoils of War There is so much talent within The Spoils it is hard to keep track. So here is the rundown: Sean Simmons is on vocals, guitars, harmonica and musical saw; Bronwyn Henderson dabbles in violin, accordion, vocals, wok and glockenspiel; Chris Chapple tinkers with bass and backing vocals; Adrian Stoyles works the piano, guitar and accordion; and Svein Lillehamre brings fine form to drums and percussion. Known for their “dark urban balladry and side-show themed vignettes”, the band, formerly known as The Losing End, formed out of Melbourne towards the end of the 20th Century. Their 2001 debut, Hurtsville, was released to critical acclaim and led to shows alongside Bonnie Prince Billy, Cat Power, The Flying Burrito Brothers and Richard Buckner. The Bridge, Castlemaine – March 29. They will be joined by Hilary Blackshaw and The Afternoon Philosophers.

Ceres Join the Party Up-and-coming outfit Ceres (pronounced ‘series’, lest you offend the band) will join The Smith Street Band, The Mezingers and Grim Fandango for a night of raucous fun at The Karova this weekend. The show is part of their bumper tour in support of their debut album, I Don’t Want to be Anywhere but Here. Born and bred in Melbourne, the quartet plays a combination of alternative indie, poprock and ’90’s emo. They gave us their self-titled demo in 2012, and last year served up their debut EP, Luck. Luck received some kind press and the band was touted as one to keep an eye on. As for their long-player, that was recorded to tape at Sing Sing Studios and according to press “highlights a band at their most inspired, and blissfully unguarded all the same”. You will be able to get your hot little hands on that one next month. The Karova, Ballarat – March 23.

cheese? That would be too easy, my friends. Perhaps you’re up for a little ’90’s mayhem? That is covered, too. You even have all your modern stuff. What is cool is that each song is played in chronological order, with accompaniment by videos played on giant screens. It is an audio-visual feast for everyone! The Karova, Ballarat – April 24. All you gotta do is step back in time. .........................................................................

The Standards of Lloyd Cole

A Dip with Melody Pool Young artist with an old soul is a term you hear a bit. Sometimes you think it’s a fair assessment; other times you know it’s just being rolled out as a nice sounding cliché in order to sell an artist. In the case of Melody Pool, she is unquestionably a young artist with an old soul. Hailing from the Hunter Valley, Melody’s 2013 debut album, The Hurting Scene, takes the listener on a journey through the coffee houses of the late ’60s. Early Joni Mitchell and Jackson Browne are two names that often spring to mind upon listening. The Australian’s Iain Shedden gave it four-and-a-half stars, saying: “The Hurting Scene is one of the most accomplished debuts by an Australian singer-songwriter for many years.” Make a date with Melody at Beav’s Bar, Geelong on March 27.

Tim & Shane Quick bite: You know Tim Rogers, right? He’s the grufflooking but extremely personable dude of You Am I. He has also released five solo albums. You know Shane O’Mara, right? He is guitarist, producer, studio engineer, composer and ARIA Award winner. As individuals, they’re very talented indeed; as a collective, they’re an unstoppable musical beast. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – March 21. .........................................................................

Take a Trip in the Hot Dub Time Machine The first thing we need to address is what exactly is Hot Dub Time Machine? Well, it’s the world’s first time travelling dance party, that’s what. Created by Sydney DJ Tom Loud, since premiering in 2011 HDTM has toured Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the UK. You want a serving of ’60’s rock? You got it? You want a helping of ’70’s disco? You got that too. How about some ’80’s

We’re in for a real treat with UK songman Lloyd Cole set to pay Australia a visit a little later down the track. Born in Buxton, Cole studied law for a year before switching to philosophy and English at the University of Glasgow. It was here he would meet other members of what would become the Commotions. Following a run between 1982 and 1989, the band broke up and Cole embarked on a solo journey. As a solo artist, Lloyd Cole released his self-titled debut in 1990. A string of releases have followed, his latest being last year’s Standards. His tenth album under his own name, Standards was apparently inspired by the “energy and vibrancy” of Bob Dylan’s Tempest. The album is notable for its use of electric guitar, a departure from the acoustic Cole. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – June 28.

Absolute ’80s It was a special time in the 1980s. MTV was launched in the US. We were introduced to The Simpsons, Seinfeld and The Cosby Show. We had some of the greatest movies ever. There was the NES. The Commodore 64. Skin-tight acid-washed jeans. Swatch watches. Snap bracelets. Yeah, life was good. Gooo-ood. We also had the music. THE music! Would you like to re-live the music again? Well, Absolute ’80s is for you. Joining the touring party are Brian Mannix (Uncanny X-Men), Scott Carne (Kids in the Kitchen) and Dale Ryder (Boom Crash Opera). Follow the links through popshop.com.au and take a look at some of the vids. Oh, oh, onion skin, walking around with your heart caved in; when you start to roll, your skin flies off and the teardrops flow. Gateway Hotel, Geelong – March 22 & Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads – April 20. .........................................................................

Frente! Revisit Marvin

Sometimes stepping outside your comfort zone can pay off. When Ash Grunwald teamed up with Scott and Andy from The Living End, Ash was forced to up his game. Not that any of his fans would argue he was ever a slacker; it’s just when you’re working with such a skilled rhythm section, you have to be on top of your game. He loved the experience and loved what it brought out in him as a musician. He now feels reborn; braver, bolder and willing to experiment with new sounds. He is even pretty handy on the blues harp now. JMag: “It is almost impossible not to be transported into Ash’s world, where the relationship between a grinding guitar and a stony, rock-strewn voice is all that is needed to convey absolute exhilaration.” Do yourself a favour and get to The Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads on April 25.

What’s that? You want a self-indulgent story? That seems odd, but okay. When I was younger, I had a massive crush on a girl a year level above myself. Despite my stalkerish affections, she was incredibly sweet and cool about the whole matter. Uninterested, but cool – i.e., she rejected me in a way that did not make me want to turn to listening to The Smiths. Because, really, no one wants that – not even fans of The Smiths. She also happened to dig Frente!’s Marvin the Album back in the day. Well, can you believe Marvin the Album is now 21-years-old? Are you, you charming, good looking reader, even 21-yearsold? Once upon a time, in a time called the early nineties, a little Melbourne band called Frente! released this album. Featuring tracks including ‘accidently Kelly Street’ and ‘Ordinary Angels’, the band’s debut album sold over one million copies worldwide. At the 1993 ARIA Awards Frente! would win Breakthrough Artist – Album for Marvin the Album and Breakthrough Artist – Single for Ordinary Angels. At a time when grunge was king, the album served up a quirky acoustic-based sound that made you feel it was springtime all year round. As part of celebrations, Frente! has lined up a string of dates, including one at Castlemaine’s Theatre Royal on May 24.

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The Good Lovelies & Little Stevies

Rip Curl Pro

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Times are Changing for Ash Grunwald

It doesn’t get much lovely than a date with The Good Lovelies and Little Stevies. Caroline Brooks, Kerri Ough and Sue Passmore are the Good Lovelies, three gals who left their day jobs in a cloud of dust as they made their way across Canada. Last year the trio was recognised for their talents, winning Canadian Folk Music Awards for Best Vocal Group and Best Ensemble. They have desperately wanted to return to Australia since their 2011 trip, and finally it is happening. Among other things, they’re really looking forward to petting a kangaroo again. The Little Stevies will be the most perfect of perfect support acts. Last year the two-piece released album number three, Diamonds in Your Tea. Beth also completed a Masters Degree, while Byll became a mother. Ararat Live, Ararat – March 27.

Celebrating its 52nd year in 2014, the Rip Curl Pro is the world’s longest-running and arguably most prestigious surfing contest. Featuring the ASP World Tour’s best surfers as well as one local Victorian wildcard from the Championship Moves Trials, Bells Beach is the home of surfing across the Easter period. Aussies have fared very well in recent years. Since 2000, an Aussie has won the event on seven occasions and been runner-up on eight occasions. Last year Brazil’s Adriano De Souza took top honours. Joining the men and women of the ASP will be the world’s hottest junior talent, in town to compete the final of the Rip Curl GromSearch Series. There is always plenty happening around town during this period, including great gigs galore, so be sure to keep an eye on live.ripcurl.com. April 16 through April 27.

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TALK OF THE TOWN! DZ Deathrays Smell a Rat

The Main Bar Strikes Gold

Teaming up with Burke Reid (of Gerling, whose credits include The Drones, Seekae and The Mess Hall), DZ Deathrays – the collective jam of Shane Parsons and Simon Ridley – have come up with their second album, Black Rat. Due for release at the beginning of May, the album has a tough act to follow. Their debut, 2012’s Bloodstreams, received praise from the likes of NME and Pitchfork. It also led to two years on the road, playing with such acts as Foo Fighters, Crystal Castles and Sleigh Bells. So, just how does a band go about following up something like this? Burke Reid is a great start. The addition of a third member to the live show is another. And just who is that musician? Now, where would the fun be in that?! Get your butts to one of their shows. The Karova, Ballarat – May 15.

Ballarat’s Main Bar has some fantastic gigs to see out the month of March. On March 21 you have Freya Hollick. Beauty and Sorrow is the latest release from this songbird. Freya: “This album has been a long time coming. It is a collection of some of my most recent songs, centring on themes of love and loss, and our very human fear of both … I like to think of it as a record of all the what ifs and if onlys that ever were.” On March 22 you have Month of Sundays, with special guest, Mark with the Sea. Featuring local musicians Steven Skilbeck, Heath Joyce and Dan West, Month of Sundays also have a new CD to showcase in Hang like the Moon. And on March 28 Neil Murray will perform. One of Australia’s finest songwriters, Murray has a career spanning three decades.

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Beware of Frankenbok

The Black Alleys, The Velvets & The Groves Bendigo’s Music Man Megastore will open its doors to another cracking show on April 4. First up you have Melbourne’s The Black Alleys. Formed out of years of jamming between Dan Kiellerup and Dr Fox, they would become a true band when mate Bill Onbase joined in on the fun and games. Priding themselves on a “straight-from-the-garage” sound, the trio unveiled their debut EP last year. Next you have dirty blues-rock exponents, The Velvets. The band made the move from Queensland to Melbourne in 2012 and was quick to infiltrate venues including The Espy, The Old Bar and The Tote. Then you have deep-blues act The Groves. Members survived high school together; now they’re delivering crunchy walls of noise and thick grooves. Melbourne’s musical reputation will be fought here. .........................................................................

Join the Dark Side with Evil Beaver Hailing from sweet home Chicago, Evil Beaver is an avant-garde bass ‘n’ drum duo. Featuring the everpresent and totally kick-ass Evie Evil on bass and vocals, Evil Beaver is rounded out by various drummers – including, at one point, the inimitable ‘Animal’. Evie founded Evil Beaver in 1999 with then drummer Laura Ann Beaver. After a few years the two parted ways; however, Evie Evil has kept the rodent alive. Hit their SoundCloud page to hear their latest, Live in the Studio. Hell, anyone who has shared the stage with Chevelle, David J, Fu Manchu, The Gossip, Girl in a Coma, Nina Hagen, Peaches, Pegboy, Polysics, Rasputina, Semi Precious Weapons, Shellac, The UK Subs and The White Stripes needs to be checked out. The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 4.

Frankenbok will return to Ballarat’s Karova Lounge on March 28 for another round of blood, sweat and beers. Or, if their latest album is anything to go by, cheers, beers and beards. Yep, Cheers, Beers & Beards was released last year and it features all the music dietary needs a growing metalhead needs. As for the band, well, they formed out of Melbourne in 1997 after founding member Aaron Butler returned from Florida invigorated by the death metal scene. He recruited former Bacterium vocalist Adam “Hutch” Glynn before later securing the talents of Tim Miedecke and Scott Lang. Early 2000 saw the release of their debut album, Greetings & Salutations. The line-up may have changed a little over the years, but Butler and Miedecke remain familiar faces. .........................................................................

We Demand More Asbestos Akouo plays Bendigo’s Star Bar on March 21. Magic Bones takes in The Loft, Warrnambool on March 22. Mark Wilkinson plays Beav’s Bar, Geelong on March 23. He will be joined by Anabelle Kay. Saint Jude check into the Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs on March 23. Roku Music play The Bridge, Castlemaine on March 26 (they also play The Loft, Warrnambool on March 28 and The Barwon Club, Geelong on March 30). The Electric SunKings do what they do best at The Karova, Ballarat on March 28. Shaun Kirks launches his new album at the Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs on March 28. Sunny Cowgirls are joined by Jonny Taylor at Gateway Hotel, Corio on March 29. Joe Camilleri and Chris Wilson hit the Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs on March 30. Kylesa hit Geelong’s Barwon Club on March 31.

Two Times for RÜFÜS Well, ain’t this some cool news?! Due to massive demand for tickets, indie-dance wonders RÜFÜS have added addition dates to their tour. And Geelong is one such lucky recipient of a second outing, with the trio set to play an all-ages show at the Wool Exchange Entertainment Complex on May 16. This is before they play an 18+ event at the same venue later in the day. And you know the ol’ saying: play two shows in a day, the first is always better. The trio is red-hot at the moment. Not only did they kill the masses at Falls Festival and the Big Day Out, but they also scored three songs in triple j’s Hottest 100. Then there is the little case of performing at SXSW. You would think this would all go to their heads, but no. Drummer James Hunt: “It’s pretty amazing the response from people for these shows. And we’re really excited about the supports we’ve got for these gigs. Hayden James, Movement, Kilter, Crooked Colours… all really good people doing great things musically. It’s a good time to be making music in Australia.” And it’s certainly a good time to be a music fan in Australia. So once again, RÜFÜS will play two shows at the Wool Exchange Entertainment Complex on May 16 – one for one and all; the other for the older crowd.

Martians Café Quick bite: There is a gig for every boy and girl at the cool little Martians Café in Deans Marsh. On March 22 you have Monique Brumby. The Tasmanianborn songbird released her latest album, a self-titled effort, at the beginning of February. On March 30 you have Little Wise. Little Wise is Sophie Klein, a multiinstrumentalist with a heart, and a sound, of gold. On April 5 it’s Lloyd Spiegel’s turn. Lloyd plays the blues like a man possessed. Other gigs: Daniel Champagne (April 12) & Dog Gone South (April 19).

Imogen Brough written by zach broadhurst

It can occasionally be a rough transition for music reality show contestants to find their feet in the tough music industry, but Imogen Brough has wasted no time in laying the foundations of a strong career after her appearance on The Voice. “It was great. I guess for me I’d just finished a Bachelor of Music performance at Melbourne Uni, so it was the perfect launching pad for me to really kick-start my career as a solo artist,” says Brough. “I loved it, I embraced it and I was really happy with how I went on it.” Her appearances on the show boosted her profile and fan base immensely, but without the show and without regularly being on the TV, Brough has had to work hard to keep those fans interested. “It can be hard, but I think we are very lucky to have the power of social media now, where it’s free for anyone to keep people interested,” says Brough. “I feel like I’ve got some really loyal fans; and I have around 20,000 online, which is amazing. I just tease them with little snippets of rehearsals or songs I’m learning and just keeping them happy with little things you’ve been doing along the way, until you release something big and hopefully they are really excited about it.” Of course, these fans are here for her musical talents, so Brough has worked quickly to get her latest single ‘Heart’ out, saying: “as soon as I got off the show I knew exactly what I needed to do and that was to record a single and start getting some of my original music out.” Luckily Brough already had original songs ready to go and with the help of fellow Voice contestant and producer Michael Paynter, she reworked ‘Heart’, a song she has been playing for years. “I wrote the first version when I was 16 or 17 and it was probably the catchiest little pop song I had,” explains Brough. “I needed to get something out quickly that I could make mainstream enough to get it on the radio, but still keeping it true to who I am as an artist.” Geelong will get their first taste of Brough in some time with her single launch at City Quarter on April 4, and being a local there is sure to be plenty of family and friends in the crowd – an exciting yet nerve-racking thought for Brough. “I haven’t played in Geelong since July last year with a full band, so I’m really excited,” says Brough. “I’ll be extra nervous I think, because I find it harder to play in front of people you know than people you don’t know, and of course I’ll have a lot of friends and family coming along.” As for the rest of the year, Brough has plenty of things in the works, and even bigger dreams for the rest of her career, saying: “I’d love to get an EP out by Christmas. I’ve already recorded my second single, which I’m keeping very secret, then maybe in a year I’ll start really thinking about an album depending on my situation within the industry.

Concept: Imogen Brough and Toni Newman

“I was even thinking today that if I had one big, big goal in the music industry, it would be to feature on a Coldplay song, so that’s where I’m aiming – pretty bloody high,” laughs Brough.

Production/Styling: Toni Newman / Toni Newman Productions Photographer: Emily Abay

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When&Where: City Quarter, Geelong – April 4

Residual written by zach broadhurst

Less than eight short months ago the boys of Residual hadn’t even played a show together; but since that point the band have grown beyond belief. They have recorded their debut EP, announced their first east coast tour of Australia and have rapidly gained fans all over Victoria – all achievements the boys never expected so quickly. “At the start of last year we sort of started getting together and jamming. That was sort of a really chilled thing where we were just writing songs, and then when it came to August we just felt like we were ready to play a show, so our first show was the Battle of the Bands at the Courthouse and that was August 1st,” says Sam Burtt, keyboardist, rhythm guitarist and lead singer of Residual. “I think the Battle of the Bands was a test for us to see if this was something people were interested in and if it was something we should push and pursue. The fact that we won it and the feedback we got from it and from the stuff we have put out has blown us away. It’s not something we expected this early.”

The judges were blown away with how tight and professional the boys were for their very first gig. But when you hear of their musical backgrounds it’s less surprising, with all the boys playing in various bands throughout their teen years. “We had all played metal and we all sort of came from metal and hardcore bands,” explains Burtt. “I think some of that tightness comes from being in those other bands together, and the remains of those pushed us along and bring that level of tightness.” Despite the boys’ much harder metal roots being far different to their current brand of indie rock, Burtt feels those roots have influenced the way they write songs, saying “I think part of the structure of the songs is really based on the idea that we came from a heavy background, where you have these heavy songs with in-your-face parts that are really impactful without overstaying their welcome. I think we just try and make sure a song is as interesting as possible and not keep things too monotone.” We will get our first taste of Residual’s new material on April 4th, with the release of the first single, ‘Numbered’, off their upcoming EP. And although there are many people eagerly awaiting their new release, the boys aren’t putting too much pressure on themselves.

“At the end of the day every song on the EP is on there because we liked it and we love playing it,” says Burtt. “I think we are just excited to have something that is representative of what we are doing and what we sound like right now. I don’t think we are worried about people loving it or hating it; I think we are just excited to have something that we can try and push in people’s faces and if they do like it then awesome, but if they don’t, well, you can’t please everyone.” With the EP now recorded, the hardest part for the guys is being patient and sitting on it to find the best time for its official release – and this could become a consistent dilemma, with Burtt revealing he’d like the band to regularly release material. “We will drop the single and do the tour and then we will sort of see how we are, and at that point I think we would like to drop it earlier rather than later, just because we want people to hear it. But the marketing side of it is all about slowing it down and not rushing the product. Our managers always say, ‘There might be a couple hundred people who have heard your songs, but there are thousands and thousands of people that haven’t heard it, so there is no real reason you have to push it’. “In saying that, if we can manage it financially I’d like to be a productive band. I’d like to put out a couple of things a year if we could, even if they are just EPs and singles.” Residual’s sudden rise has been aided by their managers, who have helped guide the boys in an industry that can at times be confusing and unforgiving – and teaching them about the marketing side of music. “They have guided us along the way massively,”

says Burtt. “We wouldn’t be in the position we are if it wasn’t for them. We would just record an EP and as soon as we got the mixes back we would have just thrown it on the ’net, but they are all about just slowing it down and just making sure everything is marketed the way it should be and getting the most out of our release. “When you put so much time and money into something like that you need to get what you can out of it, so if that means holding off on the releasing of things then so be it.” In keeping with the theme of firsts for the band, next month will be their first-ever tour where they will also be joined by friend and fellow Geelongite Jordan Riddle, giving audiences a real taste of what Geelong has to offer. “Geelong has got so many bands and so many acoustic artists,” Burtt says, “so it’s like a taste test of each of those. Hopefully we can promote the greater area of Geelong and all those other bands that deserve that recognition as well. “We are just pumped for the tour; we have no delusions of grandeur. This is literally just a tour to go around, and if ten people hear us at a show we are happy. The best case scenario, we go over there and pick up lots of new fans, then that’s awesome. But worst case, we are travelling the east coast of Australia with our mates doing what we love.” When&Where: Beav’s Bar, Geelong – April 10; The Loft, Warrnambool – April 12; The Toff, Melbourne – April 27

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Simon Tait

Ringmaster at Silvers Circus

What’s On in The Rat: Thursday 20th March to Thursday 3rd April

written by Natalie Rogers

written By Daniel Lock

Hemmingway said it best: “The circus is for me the only spectacular, the reality, a really wonderful dream vision” – and one man who couldn’t agree more is Silvers Circus’ own Ringmaster and Illusionist, Simon Tait.

Hello music enthusiasts. Here it is again: the rundown of what’s coming up on the live original music scene here in Ballarat. Thursday, March 20 kicks off with The Babushka Bar/Lounge/Gallery having the solo artist Tom Dockray playing. Entry TBC. Meanwhile, over at The Karova Lounge, they have a three band lineup consisting of Baltimore Gun Club, Hipster Kill Team and Gonna Ball. Entry $8.The Main Bar has a meeting of minds that night with in2it Improvisation Night. If you’re a writer, artist or musician, they’re looking to gather as much talent in one room and see what happens. Entry $10.

With over thirty years in the ring, Simon is the authority on all things big top. “I’ve been around for a while – I ran away to the circus when I was twentyone, fresh out of university.” A natural-born performer, Simon studied acting but was always drawn to the lighter side of life. “One day I saw an American clown performing mime. I’d studied mime as part of my acting course and I thought ‘what an interesting way to see the world and get experience on stage’. Once I joined the circus that was it!”

Friday, March 21 has the vocal and acoustic acts of Mez Whittle and Liam Thorpe gracing the stage at The Babushka Bar. Entry TBC. The Karova Lounge has two acts confirmed that night: The Cairos are playing, with New Bones supporting them. Also, the website says there’ll be some special guests joining them. Considering they’re currently on tour with The Holidays one could go so far to assume... Entry $10. The Main Bar has Friday with a Freya Hollick compact disc launch. Hipsters will know what compact discs are; they’re the shiny things used to deter birds from your “tomato” patch. Just kidding, they hold songs which Freya has a great many of (songs, not CDs. Though she probably has many of them also). Entry $10.

As the Master of Ceremonies Simon has travelled all over, performing with some of the world’s leading circuses, so he truly knows what makes Silvers Circus ‘The Greatest Show on Earth’. “Silvers is always striving for improvement; keeping up to date, ahead of the trend,” Simon said proudly. “That’s what makes us a cut above. I’m also pleased to say we have many new, exciting acts. The show is jam-packed at the moment and we’ve got people from all over the world.” Suddenly I found myself swept up in the excitement, as Simon began to describe the world-class attractions Silvers has on offer. “We’ve got a new highwire artist who we brought out from Switzerland. He always makes me nervous as he steps out onto the little silver wire, out of the darkness. It’s absolutely terrifying to watch and once he’s out there he does some ridiculous things!” Simon chuckled. “He walks the wire on stilts and puts a chair on the wire and stands on the chair. The highwire is nine metres in the air and there’s no safety device to save him if he falls. It’s a very thrilling act, and that’s only the beginning. “We also have the football-playing boxer dogs. Any dog lover knows boxers are the natural clowns of the canine world, but apart from that, their athletic ability is amazing. Watching them play AFL is actionpacked – a laugh a minute. We divide the audience into opposing teams and everyone gets into it when they score goals – we have a lot of fun.” One act that never fails to impress is the incredible display of skill and balance by their hula-hoop queen, Argentinian-born Gypsy Gomez. “Balancing

When&Where: Ballarat Showgrounds – March 26 through March 30 on a giant mirror ball, she spins anywhere between eighty and a hundred hoops at a time. I’m flat out spinning one around my waist!” Simon joked. “She’s got abs of steel. It’s a tremendous feat and at the end she collapses in a heap with all the hoops around her. The audience goes through the roof – it’s a very exciting, powerful act.” Simon is no slouch either. His talent for sleight-ofhand has earned him the title of Master Illusionist. However, it’s his warmth, humour and spirit that hold the show together. But don’t be fooled by his composed exterior. “I hold my breath watching the show every night, but that’s what the circus is all about – anything could happen, and it does!”

Saturday, March 22 has the talented blues musician Karl Cossar bringing his guitar, harmonica and tunes to The Babushka Bar. Entry TBC. The Main Bar is holding a second CD launch. This time it’s A Month of Sundays, and they will be supported by Mark with the Sea. Entry $10; $15 with CD.

Sunday, March 23 sees The Karova Lounge opening its doors to free the stage up for The Smith Street Band. They’ll be supported by The Menzingers and Grim Fandango. Entry $25. Thursday, March 27 has Garth stepping out from behind the bar at Babushka and hitting the stage with The Singers of the Black Book. Entry $8. Friday, March 28 sees popular blues musician Shaun Kirk touring his album launch at The Babushka Bar. He’s attended Babushka a few times now and has developed a good rapport with locals and Babushka residents. Entry TBC. Over at The Karova Lounge they’re having a heavier Friday with Frankenbok playing their popular metal music. Supported by New Zealand’s 8 Foot Sativa. Entry $15. The Main Bar will have singer/ songwriter Neil Murray. Neil Murray was the founding member of The Warumpi Band, for which he received an APRA for penning the iconic ‘My Island Home’. Entry $20. Saturday, March 29 has the ever popular ALEK playing his Hurdy Gurdy instrument at The Babushka Bar. ALEK has become popular with musicians and music enthusiasts alike for his unique instrument and the endlessly impressive sounds he gets out of it. Entry TBC. The Karova Lounge is holding Afrovival and the Oil Can Project, which tells of teachings of African dancing and instruments representing the five countries of Africa. Get down and see what it’s all about. Entry $10. Thursday, April 3 has David Grimson playing at The Babushka Bar. Entry TBC. The Karova Lounge is still remaining heavy, with Psycroptic playing. Entry $20. Well, that’s it from me this fortnight. Have a good one.

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Absolutely ’80s – Brian Mannix

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written by Tex Miller

Voted as Mr Ocean Grove in 1971, Brian Mannix has in the years that followed become an Australian institution that in a way rivals the Dog on the Tuckerbox at Gundagai. Throughout the ’80s, Mannix’s band, the Uncanny X-Men, had a string of hits – and in the upcoming months, Mannix is bringing the Absolutely ’80s show to the Gateway Hotel as well as the Barwon Heads Hotel in April. With such an affinity to Geelong and the region having gigged relentlessly around years ago, these shows are a sort of homecoming.

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“It’s good to be back out on the road, but it’s not like we have ever left. It’s great to get up on stage with Scott [Carne – Kids in the Kitchen] and Dale [Ryder – Boom Crash Opera] and the backing band is really good, and so I thoroughly enjoy it. If you came last time, it’ll be a different experience this time around because we have changed up the setlist. There are a few different things in the show that will be good to do down at Geelong,” Mannix said in the lead up to the tour. Having stayed down on the Bellarine Peninsula as a child on his summer holidays, it was a little surprising that he was voted as Mr Ocean Grove, as he just entered it for the chance to win five dollars. “My initial thought of that contest was I would give it a go and it was a worthwhile first prize. I bought a rubber monster mask with that money and boy was it a good one, it went all the way around your head!” If you haven’t seen the Absolutely ’80s show just yet, it is a celebration of some of Australia’s greatest bands at the time – Boom Crash Opera, Wa Wa Nee, Kids in the Kitchen, as well as the Uncanny X-Men. You can be sure to hear all the hits at these gigs – just like The Rolling Stones will do when they’re in town. “I’m going to see the Stones in a couple of weeks. I hope they play some new material, but also I wanna hear Satisfaction and Brown Sugar. Our show is the same concept. You’ll hear some new stuff as well as your favourites. You can’t just play the b-sides and rarities at a gig like this. I didn’t realise when we first started out that I would be playing these songs 30 years later, but here we are. “I’m excited about coming back to Geelong because we used to play there all the time back in the day.

When&Where: Gateway Hotel, Corio – March 22 & Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads – April 20 The Valley Inn, the Barwon Heads Hotel, Eureka, The Sundowner – there were plenty of great gigs there.” Talking about the Gateway Hotel show, Mannix is planning on showing his true colours in support of his beloved Essendon Bombers; who for those who follow the AFL, claimed Paul Chapman in last year’s trade period. Telling Mannix that the Geelong crowd are quite proud about the Cats and that Chapman leaving the club is still a little sore spot, it’s obvious that he doesn’t really care. “We’ve got Chappy and that’s all there is to it. I’m going to go on stage with my Bombers jumper, and the Gateway show is going to be a lot of fun. Some mothers bring their daughters to the show and there is a new generation discovering our hits. Come out, have a boogie and say hello.”

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Shaun Kirk written by Tex Miller

It’s been a couple of years away from the scene, and now finally in 2014 Shaun Kirk is releasing his highly anticipated third album, Steer the Wheel. Moving a lot more in the direction of electric blues in relation to his previous albums, it is a welcome return for the now renowned blues and roots performer. Having relentlessly toured the country over the past couple of years, Kirk is about to crack in once again for a two-month national tour (his most extensive to date), which also sees him play at both Deni Blues Fest as well as Byron. “This album I think is the most extensive thing I have done to date. There is definitely a lot more collaboration than I have done with previous albums and there are also some killer players on the record. I can’t wait to release it for all my fans to hear what I’ve been up to the past couple of years,” Kirk said With Grant Cummerford on bass and Danny McKenna on drums, also known as part of the rhythm section elite in the Australian blues roots scene and seen most commonly backing Jeff Lang, Steer the Wheel is definitely a lot fuller, fresher, original and funkier than anything Kirk has done before. Other guest performers make appearances, and changing it up with a rhythm section and backing band has really helped create something a little different – something like the proudest set of songs for Kirk. “I think that I’ve really knuckled down on songwriting and arrangements this time around and there are quite a few awesome moments on this record; places where Danny is just doing some real crazy shit on the drums.”

One of the main tracks to Kirk’s live show over the past couple of years has been ‘Find Me a Lady’, and finally we can get our chops around the studio version on Steer the Wheel. Although described as the ‘piss-take’ song of the album, it illustrates directly the quirky storytelling element Kirk has developed over the years. Although the writing and recording process has taken a while, Kirk decided to ask his fans for support through the crowd-funding initiative of PledgeMusic. Working exactly like Pozible, the target of the campaign was reached a few weeks before the deadline, which both surprised and astounded Kirk. “To be able to connect with everyone that digs my music… it was a more interactive approach than ever before and quite eye-opening. There were moments where I was scared that it wasn’t going to happen, and it took a while to get off the ground, but finally everyone got behind it and here we are. People have pledged the money, and so now I’m going to be playing a few rounds of golf and a whole stack of other things.” American bluesman Gary Clark Jr. was one of the biggest influences on this record, alongside Tony Joe White. If given the opportunity, Kirk would love the opportunity to get up with Clark or John Mayer at the upcoming Byron Bay Bluesfest. “Gary Clark Jr. is the guy to save blues music and his album of last year, Blak and Blu, was simply killer. If I could get up with him on stage for a track or two, I definitely wouldn’t say no.”

When&Where: Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs – March 21 & Babushka Lounge, Ballarat – March 28

Kite String Tangle written by Amanda Sherring

After playing in Pigeon for a few years and growing up in a family of seven, Danny Harley is now stepping out and making waves in his side-project, Kite String Tangle. His newest release, ‘Given the Chance,’ has gained significant airplay on triple j as well as over 750k listens on Spotify. But Danny didn’t expect it would surpass his previous song, ‘Commotion’.

live. “You can tell if a gig’s going well with Pigeon because people are jumping around and having fun. But then with my music, people could be standing there with their arms crossed and could be enjoying it or not – but you don’t really know,” he says. Though he admits that the intimacy gained from a one-man band is much greater than what you can achieve while jumping around playing guitar.

“I felt a lot of pressure releasing the next one, and then I kind of gave up. But it ended up doing a hundred times better,” Danny says. “I think you can never really expect that kind of reaction, and you set yourself up to disappointment if you do.”

While Danny has played in a band using traditional music, his love for production and audio engineering came after studying a Bachelor of Popular Music. “So I studied for a bit and then became kind of obsessed with what you can do to sounds in a computer after recording them. That’s kind of the real bit that was the game changer for me,” he says.

Since his hit release, Danny has gone on to tour Australia and play for the first time at Falls Festival to thousands of adoring fans. “I hadn’t slept at all and then I got onto the massive natural amphitheatre stage, and I got to play to all these people who had gotten up really early to see me. So it was pretty bizarre,” he says. Next up for Danny is playing Groovin’ the Moo in April/ May this year. Not only is he working through his bucket list – with the next goal to play in a touring festival – he’s also looking forward to getting to know his fellow touring bands. “I think it’s got a different mentality because all the bands get to get chummy with each other and it’s a bit of fun,” Danny says. And it’s certainly a different experience for Danny, who is used to travelling with a comrade of band mates. But the main difference for him is when it comes to playing

With artists like Flume and Disclosure played frequently on triple j, it’s clear that listeners are beginning to appreciate what electronic artists are creating. “I think it’s the logical progression because traditional instrumentation has had a pretty long run in the scheme of things. People were eventually going to crave innovation in texture and in sound,” Danny says. “That’s the sort of stuff that you can get from laptops and technology. It’s a cool movement, and I think we’re going to see some really interesting sounds over the next few years.” Danny plans to release a five-track EP in late April, with a debut album following closely behind. He’ll be playing many of his new tracks at Groovin’ the Moo in a few months’ time.

When&Where: Groovin The Moo, Bendigo Showgrounds – May 3

Soft Gold written by Tex Miller

Ukulele Queen of the Bellarine, Sarah Carroll, is back once again with a cracking new record with her acoustic duo, Soft Gold. It’s been quite a few years in the pipeline but this project is definitely a change to the other bands that Carroll has been involved in over the years. A collaboration with Melbourne guitarist Marcel Borrack, Soft Gold has over the past few months in the lead up to the release of this record drawn heavy comparisons to acoustic duos such as Gillian Welch and David Rawlings. In the lead up to the coastal launch at the Piping Hot Chicken Shop on Friday the 21st of March, I sat down with Sarah to have a chat about her stellar career and where Soft Gold is likely to develop to into the future. Soft Gold began in 2006 when Carroll decided to do a national tour with Dan Warner and Borrack as a threepiece band touring all around the country. From hearing outlandish tour stories from those shows, this collection of songs, although has taken quite some time to get together, is a blissful listen and has well been worth the wait. “That tour was Marcel’s first tour ever and it was a real baptism of fire for him, I think. I don’t think he would have done it if Dan and I hadn’t of been there. Even though we all got sick on that tour and Marcel was hospitalised with pneumonia, it was the start of what we are embarking on today. We hadn’t booked a national tour off our own backs before, and so it was a very eyeopening experience.” Although since that tour Soft Gold had been put on hold to make way for the other band projects, Carroll

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and Borrack decided to reignite the flame and headed to South Australia to lay down this record at My Sweet Mule. “Recording at My Sweet Mule was about the most relaxing recording experience I think I have ever been involved with. I listen to ‘Mermaid Money’ and kind of chuckle at nearly how asleep my vocal sounds. There was no stink of fear or pressure to record and get these tracks down. It was recorded live with very little overdubs and I think that does wonders to the album because it’s a direct representation of how we sound live. We rerecorded a couple of tracks later on, but the foundations were laid down in two days. “Chris Parkinson is one of the loveliest people on the face of the earth and really made this the most relaxed recording experience. All we had to do was get into the zone and go for it. It was really relaxed,” Carroll said about the quick recording process. Although not a direct influence on these recordings, Carroll admits that most recently she has been listening to the likes of Joanna Newsom, Nick Drake and Bill Callahan. You will be able to see what she means when the band hits the Chicken Shop in Ocean Grove tomorrow night. With support from Ukulele Carnivale, it will be a relaxed and delicate night of tunes – with shenanigans to ensue. “You know me Tex! I will windmill wherever possible. I think that the two acts complement each other really well and there will be fun, laughter and moving moments, and everyone can be ready for full immersion in duo heaven.”

When&Where: Piping Hot Chicken Shop, Ocean Grove – March 21

from a packed out Tote in 2012, Revolver Upstairs in 2013, to becoming a multi-city tour in 2014, kicking off in Hobart on June 21st. Fatty Esther and Hopes Abandoned are the first confirmed acts, with several more to be announced shortly. Stay tuned for more info in coming issues! Speaking of Fucked Up (I mentioned that they were playing Heavy Montreal earlier, remember? Try to keep up!), the band has a brand new three-song 12” EP on the way called Year of the Dragon. It’s part of a series of records based on the Chinese zodiac, evidently! Interesting concept. Initial copies come with a bonus flexidisc. How ’80’s magazine cover! I say that because music magazines in the 1980s sometimes had a free flexi-disc stuck on the cover. They’d last approximately four plays. But what do you WANT for free?!

written by chris cruz

Wow, more awesome overseas festival news that shows, once and for all, that Australian promoters need to get their shit together. Heavy Montreal takes place this year on August 9th and 10th – in Montreal, funnily enough! The line-up for this twoday affair includes Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax, Bad Religion, DRI, Body Count, Dropkick Murphys, Pennywise, Madball, Lamb of God, The Offspring, Fucked Up, Three Doors Down and dozens more. While you COULD compare it to Soundwave, Heavy Montreal keeps the emo/screamo/tweenwave/ metalcore shit to a minimum – just solid punk and metal at the fore. Kind of like No Sleep Til a few weeks’ back … the one Australian festival I’d give anything to see make a comeback.

The Smith Street Band has a new 7” EP out on Poison City Records, if you’re into that sort of thing, called Don’t Fuck with Our Dreams. No shade, they just have a very specific sound and appeal.

On a smaller scale, the Punk & Disorderly festival takes place in Germany on the 11th, 12th and 13th of April. With a cracking old-school line-up that features the likes of The Adicts, Sham 69, Discharge, The Bones, The Business, The Casualties and The Angelic Upstarts taking part, you gotta wonder why similar things aren’t happening here. Up The Punx! is coming back for a third year, though, and seems to be growing exponentially –

The mighty Comeback Kid have dropped a brand new single called ‘Wasted Arrows’. It’s taken from their brand new album, Die Knowing, on Victory Records. Fingers crossed for a tour! Don’t forget – Canadian punk heroes Propagandhi have a show coming up at the Barwon Club on May 31st! Don’t miss it! That’s about it for now. Catch you cool kids next issue for another dose of, well, this!

Le Monde Entier - T r av e l Colu m n written by Madelin Baldwin

Have you ever been to Barcelona? If you haven’t, firstly please add it to your bucket list. Not only does it have fairly year-round sunny, vibrant weather, it’s also home to some of the most astounding architecture. For someone who has no knowledge, or admittedly any interest in architecture, you cannot help but be wowed as you walk through the cobbled streets that are home to some of the oldest churches, cathedrals and buildings, most of which were designed by the incredibly talented and famous Antoni Gaudí. Look him up – some of it will take your breath away! But what Barcelona has, that only a Mediterranean town like that can hold, are the most fantastic beaches. The beaches in Barcelona are unlike any beach I have ever felt before. In Australia, we are used to yellow/ white sand with a flour-like texture, especially right up the top in the Whitsundays. But my first experience with Spanish beaches left me a little underwhelmed with its first impression, as the sand was so grainy I had to wear shoes to protect my feet. This all changed as I not only grew used to it, but took the time to have a look around at the interesting things that Barcelona beaches have that we definitely don’t have in Australia! Here are a few observations: •N ude/clothed. Clothing is somewhat optional on Barcelona beaches. Where I was sunning myself under the scorching rays on the Mediterranean sun, not 10 metres away people were playing soccer – nude. Families, old hairy men, young couples; not one single type but everyone! I admit, I did go topless – but that’s as daring as I was on my first Euro trip! •B each huts. About every 200 metres along the beach were these great little wooden beach huts, with a balcony of sorts with chairs and tables. From here, you could escape the sun a little as it was roofed, and order

BLUES NEWS Presented by The Sleepy Hollow Blues Club written by John (Dr John) Lamp

In my last article, I talked about women in the blues – and believe me, there’s more around on that than the little I put in front of you. But, I figured that rather than spend time on too much in the way of general articles, I should alternate with a bit of detail on specific artists. More than that, specific local artists. I came to Geelong in 1998, and even though I had lived in Melbourne for a while back in the ’70s, I’d never been to Geelong, or for that matter anywhere in south-western Victoria.

I chose Chris because at the Motor City Music Festival he appeared with one of his early bands – the Crown of Thorns. The prospect of seeing the band back together brought many people along. The original Crown of Thorns was formed in 1987 with Barry Palmer and Chris Rodgers. They had a studio album in 1989 using a line-up of Wilson, Palmer, Rodgers, joined by Justin Brady on violin, Barbara Waters (ex-Hollowmen) on guitar, vocals and mandolin and former band mate, Peter Jones, on drums. It was a great reunion. Chris is a multi-instrumentalist, but is best known for his blues harmonica which he not only plays, but teaches. His repertoire range includes blues, a smattering of country (he is a regular at Tamworth) and rock and roll. You can even find him on YouTube with the Bob Sedergreen Blues Band, which was more jazz than blues, back in 1989. His work with Shane O’Mara is well worth seeking out, especially Live at the Continental which Chris re-issued a few years ago as a double CD. Definitely listen to the track ‘Face in the Mirror’. The vast majority of Chris’ work is selfwritten, and the lyrics can stand alone as poetry as well as great music. His lyrics can be laconic, very much expressive and conveying strong emotion. His readings at the Dead Pirates Society evenings at the Piping Hot Chicken Shop (aka the Chook

Over the years Chris has done some widely varied gigs, from appearing with the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra in their George Gershwin concert, to playing to something like 170,000 workers from the back of a truck at a union rally. As the famous Eccles once said, “Everybody’s got to be somewhere”, but I’m very glad Chris is local and can often be found at the Chook Shop and we get spoiled listening to his wonderful music.

After travelling around Europe for a few months, by the time I got to Barcelona it was a welcome respite to our whirlwind touring. Days filled with sun, sangria, surf and sleep – nothing better! I’m yet to visit Madrid, but if it’s even half as fantastic as my week in Barcelona was, I can’t wait! * Las Ramblas is the longest street in Barcelona, and the most famous. It is actually four streets in a straight line put together and given the collective name. Down the street you’ll find famous Human Statues, all painted in metallic colours and OTT feathers. You can also buy any kind of animal to keep as a pet – badger, anyone?

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal.

walked into the rehearsal space. Silence fell. They all knew why he was here.

In case you didn’t hear, Joey Jordison has left Slipknot. Shortly after the departure a statement was released suggesting he decided to leave. Then I saw a lead for an article stating Joey didn’t decide to leave. Intriguing…

‘Monte tells me you need a new bass player, so I thought I’d come and take the job,’ he said. Monte and the band looked at each other. More silence.

The eight guys were sitting in a strip club when Sid’s phone lit up. It was a message from Monte saying ‘let’s sort out my position tomorrow – the rehearsal space at 12.’ Sid passed his phone around to the other guys. They all nodded. They all knew what they had to do.

If I had to give a complete list of the noted musicians that Chris has played or been on the bill with, I’d quickly run out of room. It would include Paul Kelly and the Coloured Girls, Rebecca Barnard, Archie Roach, Deborah Conway, Bob Dylan, Johnny Diesel and Elvis Costello.

Close to everything! From the beach, we could wander back to our hostel and then walk straight into the main area of Las Ramblas*, down to the Port and explore the stunning Gaudí architecture. If you have a chance, do a walking tour. We paid around 10 Euros each and got a walking history tour which was absolutely fascinating, dinner and sangria at a restaurant, and a Flamenco show! Nothing can quite showcase the Spanish lifestyle like that!

written by PAUL S TAYLOR

Part VI – The Final Chapter

Shop!) in Ocean Grove gave me a greater appreciation of the works he presented. In complete contrast is his work with Pirates of Beer, an assembly of musician friends who have a good time playing music they enjoy.

• G rainy sand. The sand is really thick and grainy and can take a big of getting used to. It’s not as comfortable to lie on, but when you’re close to the water it sinks a lot and makes for an easier meander down the beach! It also has some stunning shells you can walk along and collect as a keepsake.

TOO HEAVY TO HUG

So, in a world first Forte exclusive, THTH will continue to dissect the goings-on behind the scenes in the Slipknot camp in the only way we know how: speculation. This is THTH’s Holiday Joey Departs Slipknot Fanfic.

The thing that rapidly blew me away was just how many amazing musicians there are in the south-west, from Queenscliff through to the South Australian border. So, I’ll take one of those every so often and tell you something about them. This time: Chris Wilson.

plastic cups of two Euro beers and little paper plates filled with a variety of tapas options. When you’ve been there a few days, and your skin is starting to develop a beautiful deep brown shade, the sun is shining and the water’s positively sparkling, there is nothing quite like enjoying cheap Spanish beer and eating perfect parcels of food the country is arguably most famous for.

Monte was sitting in the rehearsal room alone before Slipknot walked in to meet him. ‘Let’s keep this brief. I’ve figured out how we can make this work; this, me being in Slipknot and no one really has to know.’ He opened his exercise book and flicked through the pages of more sketches of Slipknot before finding the page with a chart. ‘So, I’ll be on the drums. Joey, you’ll be on guitar and Mick, you’ll be on bass,’ Monte began, but was interrupted by ‘You can’t play the drums,’ Joey said. ‘I’ve been getting lessons from Lars. Him and I and Bob Rock are friends and you’re not,’ Monte said. ‘Well, actually, I played drums for Metalli...’ began Joey, before Monte cut him off to continue his plan. ‘The beauty of this plan is you all wear masks. So, if we say the masks stay behind the instruments and not the members wearing them, then no one will ever know. Brilliant, isn’t it?’ Monte asked. Corey sat silent. Sid declared it was a good idea, everyone would be happy and they should all start writing right away. The unsure discussion continued; then Bob Rock

‘OK,’ Monte began, ‘so I’ll be on drums, Mick can play guitar again and Bob, you can take bass. Sounds like a great plan,’ Monte concluded enthusiastically. ‘No, this is too much! I’m the drummer. I’m the drummer!’ Joey yelled. ‘So, what, we’re going to have Monte Conner and Bob Rock in Slipknot? Seriously?! I mean, we already have one douche bag,’ Joey said pointing at Corey, ‘we don’t need two more douche bags to turn us from Slipknot to Doucheknot.’ Monte and Bob sat there with smiles on their faces; they knew they’d be back working again, earning money while living their dreams that up until this point were left unlived. ‘I hate to say it, but I think this could work,’ Corey said. ‘We’ll keep the masks behind the instruments and no one will know. Joey, you’re out.’ Joey sat in shock. ‘You’ve got plenty of other opportunities and well, your skills have kinda waned,’ Shawn added. ‘People will know, because I’ll tell them on Facebook and everything. I’ll tell them how much of a douche you all are!’ Joey yelled before storming out of the rehearsal space. ‘Don’t worry, fellas,’ Monte said. ‘I got Roadrunner HQ to do up a press release saying Joey decided to leave the band; it should be circulating in about two minutes.’ The End. If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug

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arts news from around town – and beyond! GALLERY ON STURT - Selected works from the studio of Antonio Balletta & Hand Made Books by Glynis Bryden Balletta works in a variety of media, large graphite drawings, oil paintings and bronze sculpture. He creates compositions or settings that generate poetic images that leave traces and balance on the edge of recognition and the subconscious. His works appear as dreamlike images in which fiction and reality meet, meanings shift and the present fuses. His art entices us into its world through optimism for life’s journey. Balletta was shortlisted for the inaugural Rick Amor Drawing Prize (2010.)

VITAL END – Arthur Bannon Works on burnt paper about being alive today.

Glynis Bryden says, “I started making books for my own use but was quickly lead down the path of selling as people saw my creations and wanted to buy them. I am a little addicted to beautiful art quality and decorative papers and continue to collect reams of it as I stumble across retailers here and there. Matched this with my love of natural materials, I search second hand shops and tanneries, fairs and fete’s for beautiful discarded leather items and lovingly give new life to them as cover for my books. I use many materials in my book binding–some new, some recycled-each book is handmade by me in my Ballarat studio and is unique – no two books will ever be the same.”

2014 BLOKES DAY OUT FESTIVAL

WHERE: Gallery on Sturt. 421 Sturt Street, Ballarat. WHEN: Until April 30. INFO: www.galleryonsturt.com.au ART CAPTION: The Gatherer, oil on canvas.

ROBIN HOOD: THE UNTOLD STORY

SEVEN WONDERS SILENT FILM FESTIVAL

Featuring an award winning cast of some of the region’s finest comedic actors. Go along and support our local talent! WHERE: Comedy on Collins. 156 Collins Street, Melbourne. WHEN: April 9-12. INFO: www.cleancomedy.com.au TIX: 9017 0104.

DUEL DRAW – Eiichi Tosaka with Jennifer McElwee The art of drawing and painting with both hands.   This drawing method devised by Dr Eiichi Tosaki involves concentration and discipline. Artist and Deakin University honours student Jennifer McElwee explains the process. “…creating two-handed drawing compositions is much like resolving a puzzle.   Once both hands know where to move, the process then becomes meditative…” Jenny McElwee is a prize-winning local artist who approaches her work in a serendipitous way. Jenny paints and draws in response to found objects and the information they provide.   By linking the abstracted compositions to text and music they become a knowledge expanding journey. Jenny sources old books, vinyl records, music scores and more recently dictionaries. Words and their definitions are used as material in her works.   These fascinating art works explore bi-manual drawing and the art of two-handed compositions. WHERE: ETCH Gallery and Studios. 215 Moorabool Street, Geelong. WHEN: March 13 – 1 April. INFO: www.etchgalleryandstudios.com

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“I predominantly use charcoal and pastel, which are little more than dust and ash. I like the fact that 100,000 years into our great civilization the most honest way for me to reflect how I feel is little more than a well framed cave painting.” – Arthur Bannon. WHERE: Boom Gallery. 11 Rutland Street, Newtown, Geelong. WHEN: Until March 29. INFO: www.boomgallery.com.au PHONE: 0417 555 101.

THE GILDED CAGE - Bethany Arthouse Film Festival

Can the evil Sheriff of Nottingham stop Robin Hood from winning the hand of Maid Marian? (not to mention the rest of her!) Get ready to buckle your swash and find out!

Arthur’s works are multi layered explorations of modern life, portraits that observe the peculiarities of being alive today. The works are made with ink, pastel, charcoal, butterfly wings under glass, wrapped and burnt paper.

WHERE: Eastern Beach Reserve. Ritchie Boulevard, Geelong. WHEN: March 30. 10am – 3pm. INFO: facebook.com/BlokesDayOut PHONE: Peter Kelly. 4215 3470.

It’s a comedy of Errols! Geelong’s favourite comedy hits Melbourne this April in this hilarious high-energy fullystaged show for all the family!

Written by popular Geelong comedy duo Ed Dolista and Ian Nash-Gilchrist, Robin Hood: The Untold Story makes its debut at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival after successful runs both in Australia and overseas.

In celebration of men and boys within the community the annual Blokes Day Out Festival returns for its fifth year.   This festival recognizes the importance of men’s health and wellbeing.   The Blokes Day Out Festival is free to attend; featuring entertainment, games, show bags, food, displays, health checks and much more.   Services, clubs and groups will be a part of the day encouraging the participation, sharing and gaining of valuable information and connections.   The festival will cement important links to male health particularly social connection, mental health and physical health. The event hopes to inspire the positive involvement of blokes with their families, friends and the community.   Events will also be held during the week leading up to the festival, known as Blokes Week, which will commence on the 24 March held until the 29 March. Activities include exhibitions, health checks, football night, dragon-boating, DIY workshops, Colac Blokes Day Out at the Colac Neighbourhood House amongst others.

Aka - James Price. After a decade based in New York overseeing a highly successful advertising company, Bannon has returned home to Victoria, changed his name and decided to focus on his true passion - making art.

Cameras, smart phones and tablets at the ready!   Entries for the National Wool Museum’s Seven Wonders Silent Film Festival are now open and there’s $5,000 in cash prizes to be won! So, what is a Seven Wonders film? Well, it’s anything you make it...  • Your seven favourite things about Geelong  • Seven days, hours or moments in your life  • Your story told in under seven minutes  • Is the number seven really lucky?  • Seven awesome things you can do that nobody else can  • The only rule is that it must be a silent film and under seven minutes long! Anyone can enter – aspiring and professional filmmakers, vloggers, YouTubers, artists, media students and school kids.   Any type of film is welcome – documentary, narrative, animation, art piece, adventure, comedy, thriller, action and more.   You can even use still-images and add a bit of Ken Burns or get right into it with Final Cut Pro. It is free to enter and all films must be received by 5pm Monday 21 April 2014.   All the details for entering your film can be found on the website. WHERE: National Wool Museum. 26 Moorabool Street, Geelong. WHEN: March 25. 8pm. INFO: www.geelongaustralia.com.au/ nwm/news/item/8d104d65a5828af.aspx PHONE: 5272 4812.

The season kicks off with The Gilded Cage a feel-good comedy about Portuguese exiles living in Paris. When Jose learns that his long-estranged brother has died and left him his business in Portugal the employers of both husband and wife are thrown into a panic.   They’ve taken Jose and Maria for granted; now they must make every effort to keep them in France. Written and directed by Ruben Alves, this film won the People’s Choice award for best film at the 2013 European Film Awards.   WHERE: GPAC. 50 Little Malop Street, Geelong. WHEN: March 25. 8pm. INFO: www.gpac.org.au TIX: 5225 1200

Have an arts event coming? Let us know about it! Email Luke on luke@fortemag.com.au

Girl Rising written by Amanda Sherring

So often our cinemas and DVD shelves are flooded with films glamorising violence, sex and drugs that we forget to see anything with a little bit of substance. But that’s where Girl Rising steps in. Girl Rising is a film created by Academy Awardnominated director Richard E. Robbins with the hope to deliver a key message: that educating girls will change the world. Nobody knows that better than 17-year-old Geelong local Janey Kennedy, who is aiming to get everyone in Geelong to watch the film – and just so happens to be the regional ambassador for the film. “The film presents beautiful stories of nine girls in nine countries around the world and how each of them is changing their community or society through education,” Janey says. Girl Rising travels to Cambodia, Haiti, Nepal, Egypt, Ethiopia, India, Peru, Sierra Leone and Afghanistan to tell the unforgettable story of girls overcoming extreme odds to achieve their dreams. The film is voiced by names we commonly see on the blockbusters, with Cate Blanchett, Alicia Keys and Liam Neeson just a few of the A-list stars lending their vocals to the project.

“It has been proven that educating girls is the most direct way to eradicate poverty and improve the status of women everywhere,” Janey says. “An educated woman can earn 20 per cent more as an adult, which they will then invest in their family’s health and education, leading to stronger and more sustainable communities.” For someone at such a young age, it may seem like a huge thing to take on while juggling VCE studies, but Janey is well on the way to exposing the film to the people of Geelong. She hopes that through screening the Girl Rising film she will create a powerful and long-lasting impression on people, rather than something as a means to entertain a boring Friday evening. After holding a screening of the film last year and earlier this month, Janey is now trying to get Australian educators to share the Girl Rising curriculum with students. Like many of the Girl Rising ambassadors, each individual goal is working towards a bigger concept: where girls around the world are all given the same opportunities. “My mission is to see every girl given the right to an education. I believe there needs to be equal opportunity for every girl in every country, and for women and girls to not be restricted by society because of their gender,” she says. Janey will continue to hold events and screenings around Geelong, but also in Melbourne. To keep up-to-date with events and for more information, visit girlrising.com or ‘like’ Girl Rising Victoria on Facebook.

Life by the Shutter – Sonya Gaidukova written by Amanda Sherring photo by Slanted and Enchanted Photography

They say the best photographers are those that can capture an image overflowing with emotion, and for Sonya Gaidukova her photography is a clear example of that. Forte had a chat to Sonya about how she started out and what it’s like working as a photographer. What first got you into photography? I was always the one out of my friends to have a camera, but I never thought about it as a career. Now I look back it was always on my radar. I purchased my first SLR camera five years ago for my final year as a graphic design student, and then it sat in my cupboard for about a year until I started experimenting one day – and I haven’t looked back since. Did you ever have people question your career choice? I think if anyone questioned my career choices it was me. I’m not an indecisive person, but I like to have my options. That’s why I studied fashion design, graphic design and even tried to become a teacher at one stage! I finally found my way back to creativity, and photography is something I just fell into. What’s an average day at All About Eve like? As soon as I have my coffee fix and read through a dozen emails, my day officially begins. I not only work for All About Eve, but Jorge Clothing, St Goliath, Silent Theory and Lost Society just to name a few. My average day is either location scouting, updating blogs, photographing look books or shooting some amazingly good-looking models somewhere awesome!

Though Janey is just one small part of a massive movement taking over the world, the work she and like-minded individuals are achieving is all working towards the greater goal of equality.

Beach. It offers so many different backdrops. There’s the ocean, red rock walls and moody sand dunes. Another spot would be an enchanting forest in Barwon Heads. It is simply breathtaking. What do you love most about photography? Photography isn’t just a job. It means everything to me. I invest 90 per cent of my day into photography. By day I am a fashion photographer and by night and most weekends I am a wedding photographer. I love the feeling I get when I know I’ve captured something the subject is unaware of, the goose bumps when I see the bride get into her dress, the ‘Woo Hoo’ moment when I nail the shot, and so many more others. What’s it like running your own photography business?

Where do you get the ideas for your photos/shoots?

It is many things: fulfilling, challenging, a balancing act, rewarding, time-consuming and a huge learning curve.

Instead of admiring Leonardo DiCaprio’s acting ability or the impressive gun fight sequence of popular movies, Girl Rising will have you leave the film with a newfound knowledge of the world.

Coming up with new and exciting locations is by far the best part of working for a fashion company. We’ve photographed in old rundown homes, amazing retro apartments, cute little beachside cottages and abandoned schools. I work closely with my marketing team to come up with the best locations for the style and feel of the shoot. I put together mood boards, and we are on our way!

I started Slanted and Enchanted five years ago now, and Enchanted Wedding Photography has been a gradual growing baby of mine since 2012.

WHAT’s NEW!?

“Last year on International Day of the Girl, there were over 2000 screenings held in over 150 countries around the world, including one in Geelong,” she says.

Where’s your favourite spot in Geelong to take pictures? It would have to be this amazing spot near Bells

Supermodel

Foster the People Foster the People are back with the follow-up to their massive debut album, Torches. This album is three years in the making, and to say it’s hotly anticipated is an understatement. Available now on Columbia.

How long has Slanted & Enchanted and Enchanted Wedding Photography been going for?

To see what all the fuss is about or to admire her wonderful images, ‘like’ Sonya’s Facebook (sgaidukovacreative) or visit her website (enchantedweddingphotography.com).

Expanded Edition Sunnyboys

Legendary Aussie band The Sunnyboys have re-released their seminal classic, self-titled album with a second disc full of b-sides and rarities. Definitely worth a listen. Available now on Warner.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

The Sea of Split Peas Double EP

Undoubtedly one of the greatest albums of all time, Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road has been digitally remastered for the modern age. If you don’t already own it, go buy it. Available now on Capitol.

Indie favourite and the critic’s darling, Courtney Barnett has released a double EP set containing her two 2012 EPs – I’ve Got a Friend Called Emily Ferris and How to Carve a Carrot into a Rose. So if you missed them the first time around, get them now. Available now on Mom + Pop Music.

Teenage Dirtbags

Going to Hell

Elton John

Various Artists Are we already so far removed from the late nineties and early two thousands that we need nostalgic compilation albums? Apparently so, since this tribute to pop-punk was released in the UK a year ago. Available tomorrow on UMTV.

Courtney Barnett

The Pretty Reckless Taylor Momsen’s rock band is releasing a new album. But no matter how hardcore she tries to be, she’s always going to be Cindy Lou Who. Available tomorrow on Interscope.

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tweet of the week

the

i n s i de

SP L IN T E R S

m i x ta p e Written by Adem Ali

RAJA GEMINI

RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 3 winner Raja Gemini was in Melbourne last fortnight for her national tour, and we were lucky enough to have had a little chat to her about her new single, ‘Zubi Zubi Zubi’. Roughly translating into ‘Dance Dance Dance’, the production is already one of the most exciting of the year and sounds like a Number 1 hit. Raja exclusively told us that the video was being constructed “right now” and would be released onto the interwebs “very soon”. Explaining to us that her musical endeavours come out of her own pocket, Raja admitted the video for ‘Zubi Zubi Zubi’ – a song which was originally released in 2013 – was a long time coming. But the important thing is THAT IT’S COMING!

“ MDNA was like the night your divorce was finalised and you go out for drinks, but you put on a brave face. Yes, you’re in the limo with your galpals singing along to ‘I Will Survive’, but inside your heart is BREAKING.” @ManilaChinchila talks Madonna’s MDNA in the wake of news Avicii is involved with her next album.

‘Zubi Zubi Zubi’ is available now on iTunes along with Raja’s other excellent singles – ‘Diamond Crowned Queen’ and ‘Sublime’.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT NEW KYLIE ALBUM? Kylie Minogue’s new album, Kiss Me Once, hit shelves last week and we are proud to present a track-by-track review for you all on it ... you just have to wait ’til next issue! On first few listens it’s easy to tell this may end up becoming the most polarising Kylie album to date; with that said though, there are a handful of solid-gold pop moments to be found and Sia’s role as executive producer is one to be celebrated.

RAJA GEMINI

GAGA’S ARTPOP BALL AN ARTFLOP?

Oh dear. What could very well be one of the most anticipated fears of 2014, Madonna has indeed announced that Avicii is one of the names involved with the recording of her new album – the follow-up to 2012’s less-than-brilliant MDNA. Posting a plethora of pictures on Instagram over the last fortnight, Madonna has admitted there are a “lot of great songs”. We’re just hoping they’re not ALL with Avicii.

In news that saddens us greatly at Splinters, it seems Lady Gaga’s ArtRave Ball Tour isn’t selling as well as expected in Australia. Whilst most General Admission tickets across Australia have actually sold out, it has come to light that many of the seated tickets (including a number of highly-priced ‘package’ tickets) are still available. However, in Perth, ALL of the tickets (bar the meet and greet) are still available to purchase!

Dance-master Avicii is a great producer and, for what he does, does it phenomenally. For those of you who can remember Scooter from the late ’90s and early ’00s, Avicii follows a very similar formula with his music and almost serves as the Scooter for a new generation. With his hits ‘Wake Me Up’ and ‘Hey Brother’, he has carved a name for himself as a well-respected force in the EDM world. But what does this mean for Madonna’s new album? Well, for a start it means that, once again, Madonna is following trends rather than creating them. This is the third album in a row where she will, potentially, not be covering any new ground. The Madonna of yesteryear – the one that would actively take sounds from the underground and bring them into the mainstream pop market – seems to no longer exist. Her management, and those working with and around her, are to blame for this. She has people working for her who have no interest in hearing what the fans want, much less putting any of it into action. Former Madonna production wizard Shep Pettibone is rumoured to have some involvement with the new record, assuring most fans that it won’t be all EDM-flavoured nonsense. In 2014, EDM seems to be a dying breed, and we wonder whether Madonna will be able to add any kind of relevance to it. The genre got a flogging on her previous album MDNA and although that record featured some absolute dynamite, that tiresome EDM sound outstayed its welcome on some tracks. In between posting selfies on Instagram, cleaning her house and quoting Beyoncé lyrics on social media, we really hope Madonna is thinking long and hard about this album. We don’t want another ‘Superstar’ thanks Madge (GOD FORBID), because we – particularly those of us who have supported you with our hard-earned money since the beginning – certainly deserve a lot better than that.

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After playing four Melbourne shows for her 2012 ‘Born This Way Ball’, these statistics come as somewhat of a surprise. However, Gaga’s album ARTPOP was released in November of 2013 and since then we have only had the one video clip – for ‘Applause’. The rumoured ‘Do What U Want’ video is destined to never see the light of day, whilst we hang around waiting for the rumoured video for rumoured next single, (rumour rumour rumour!) ‘G.U.Y.’. It’s starting to become exhausting following along. Many little monsters were hoping to snap up tickets to multiple shows in their city but, judging by these ticket sales, Gaga will be lucky to sell out one show in each capital city. Yikes. Perhaps it’s time to release a video and announce a new single – and pronto. Perhaps that is something that should have been dealt with long before Aussie dates were even announced. Here’s another one who seems to have all the wrong people working for her.

RAJA’S ‘ZUBI ZUBI ZUBI’

Available now on iTunes!

TINA ARENA The national Reset Tour IS HERE!!

MAGNOLIA CRAWFORD

SHIT!

MADONNA x AVICII

HIT

Whose ‘Erotica’ performance in Melbourne two weeks ago became one of the most iconic to grace the GH stage.

Her attitude on Drag Race made her elimination all the more sweet. What a sourpuss!

GESAFFELSTEIN CANCELS REMAINING DATES OF LOCAL TOUR Melbourne show and FMF Asia dates all canned, booooooo!!!!

KEEP UP WITH ALL THE LATEST LOCAL MUSIC NEWS and sign up to the forte newsletter AT

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Psycroptic written by Natalie Rogers

Standing out from the pack comes naturally to Tasmanian technical-metal titans Psycroptic. Formed back in 1999, they’ve steadily become the benchmark for many burgeoning metal bands around the world. In that time they’ve accumulated over 125,000 followers – from Paris to Poughkeepsie and everywhere in between. I sat down with founding member/drummer, Dave Haley. “I’m happy to say we’re quite busy at the moment because we’re working on a new album and a whole bunch of tours. Even though we’ve been going for fifteen years now, we still have that spark and the energy that you need to keep doing what we love.” That love runs in the family – Dave’s brother, Joe, plays guitar, while also moonlighting as the band’s engineer and producer. “Joe is a successful engineer and producer. He freelances in a lot of studios down here and he has his own studio set up. It makes things very easy for us – and yes, he’s my big brother.” Does sibling rivalry affect the creative process? “No, it’s extremely comfortable. We’ve been playing together in bands for twenty years. It’s very familiar and we know each other’s playing styles. We’ve never had an issue.” Sounds awfully harmonious for a band whose album titles include Isle of Disenchantment, Symbols of Failure, and the latest, The Inherited Repression – but the guys of Psycroptic are true professionals. “We’ve been fortunate enough to develop a relatively small but loyal following all over the world: whether we’re playing to 50 or 500 people, we’ll give it our all.”

Known for their particular blend of brutality, intensity and groove, Dave assures me their sixth studio album will not disappoint. “We’re enjoying the new sounds. The songs are turning out well and we’re pretty eager to start playing them live. “This new album is a progression from our previous [The Inherited Repression, 2012]. We’ve picked up where we left off and ran with more of a catchy, groovy sound. It’s still very heavy and dynamic but it’s just a little bit catchier – that’s what people have said when they’ve heard it.” Dave is hoping for a release date around September or October: “We’ll definitely be playing one or two of them at these shows coming up. Whether we’ll have a chance to finish up one or two more tracks in time, I’m not sure. Wait and see – people will have to come check it out.” Joining Psycroptic at the Karova Lounge on April 3 will be old friends: “There with us is Hazard Secular – we’ve played with them a few times and we’re really keen to see them onstage again. Also Water of Torment, who are another killer ultra-death metal band that we’ve played with over the years. It’s definitely going to be a cool show. We don’t get to play the Karova Lounge too often but the shows are always great. We’re looking forward to it. “We’ve got another really cool Australian tour lined up that I can’t really talk about at the moment, but we’re going to announce it in the next few weeks.” Watch this space – Forte’s got you covered!

When&Where: The Karova, Ballarat – April 3

Tully on Tully written by Tex Miller

As one of the acts to watch in 2014, Tully on Tully, on the back of the release of their debut EP, have been kicking goals all around the music industry. Having recently played a couple of stellar shows at Apollo Bay, the band is gearing up for the release of their new disc and international touring. Out the back in the green room behind the main stage, I caught up with vocalist Natalie Foster following their final performance to find out a little more about this success story. In a reclining chair in the green room, the discussion about Tully on Tully’s rise to fame starts with their latest offering Weightless, a six-track EP that was released last year. “I think that on the EP most of the songs are quite delicate and intricate within their production, and with the next EP, which will be coming out in the next couple of months, the band is moving away from that sound entirely. That said, it won’t be an extremely different change, but our fans should keep an open mind.” If you haven’t heard of Tully on Tully, the spine-chilling vocals of Nat combined with the indie-pop sounds create a new distinctive flavour to the pallet of indiepop, making them definitely one to check out. The two main singles of their EP are ‘Naked’ and ‘Stay’, which sees the band team up with fellow acoustic indie-pop superstar Hayden Calnin. A surprise to Nat, ‘Naked’ came very quickly, and the band just knew that it was the first single. Written in one day in the shoebox sized spare room of Frank the drummer’s parents’ house, the thundering drum

When&Where: The Espy – March 28 patterns as well as the dreamy guitar lines make it a definite feature to Weightless. Tully on Tully formed close to two-and-a-half years ago and quickly secured some residencies around the Melbourne pub circuit. In those early days, the band never thought that they would get the opportunity to play at Canadian Music Week or in New York, so the upcoming months for the band are quite a pinch yourself moment. “We booked the tickets yesterday, and so everything is really ramping up now and it is no longer a dream. I

Olly Friend written by Brendan Dando

Twenty years ago, Geelong was a hub for some of the freshest metal and grunge bands this country had to offer. However, as time has passed Sleep Hollow has taken folk music under its wing, and one of our region’s hottest up-and-coming folk artists is Olly Friend.

Working with his drummer Nick Rushbrook on the new EP, Friend has a distinct idea in mind for how he wants the end result to sound: “A good way to describe it would be like Jinja Safari meets Vampire Weekend, which we are very excited to show the world!”

Launching his latest single ‘Shoulders’ late last year, after already releasing a debut EP titled The Darling EP, it’s been a very busy summer for Friend, who has been gigging relentlessly. “I think it’s important to play shows every week, since it will get you noticed by more people and hopefully lead to supporting bigger acts and playing bigger shows,” he explains.

It’s with all of this experience in such a short time that has led Friend to not experience the pre-gig jitters so much anymore. “I only tend to get nervous on occasions such as prior to a competition, since you know every note and lyric is being judged,” he says. “In those situations I usually just back my own abilities because I understand that you can’t afford not to, especially when playing to a paying audience.”

Some of those bigger shows he mentions include the likes of supporting Marta Pacek last month, as well as sharing the stage with acclaimed folk songwriter Daniel Champagne at his upcoming show at Beav’s Bar on June 26, which is something Friend couldn’t be more excited for. “Daniel [Champagne] is such an inspiration to me as a musician – it’s really hard to not be inspired by his talents. It’s gonna be a great show.” In the meantime though, it’s clear things are certainly not slowing down since there are already plans to record a second EP in the coming months. “Although we plan to record soon, I honestly have no idea when it will be released or even what songs will be on it just yet,” says Olly. All I know is I’m running out of my old CDs, there’s literally only about 100 left, so why keep looking at the past when we can show everyone the new songs we are now playing at our live shows?”

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However, Friend admits he couldn’t help but feel embarrassed after a disastrous incident during the final of the City Quarter Unplugged series last year. “My tuning went so far out during my set that I had to stop playing and get off stage, which was also in front of over 200 people.” Well, thankfully all of that is in the past and a bright 2014 is already starting to shine through Friend’s window, with a number of support slots confirmed – although there are still some he’d like to cross off of the bucket list. “If I could one day share the stage with someone like Matt Corby or John Butler Trio, I think my life would be complete!” he laughs. When&Where: Beav’s Bar, Geelong – June 26

don’t think it will hit us until we’re on the plane, but we’ve always had an ambition to tour America. I think we’ve all got a bit of drive as a band and that has allowed for these amazing opportunities to come about.”

names in our bio, but now we have too many. Temper Trap, Neon Trees and Nada Surf all came about from that Philippines festival. It was an interesting insight to where Tully on Tully could develop to into the future.”

Having previously shared the stage with the likes of Whitley and Nada Surf, one of the coolest gigs that the band has played thus far was Wanderland festival in the Philippines, where Tully on Tully met The Temper Trap. “I remember back in the early days, I was thinking we need to support some bigger names to get some

Currently in writing mode, the new release for Tully on Tully will hopefully see the light of day in the next few months. On the back of that release, the band hopes to do some more touring before starting work on their debut record. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for more news over the next few months.

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black hatt

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black hatt

lambys

geelong rsl

edge

the barwon club

edge

the barwon club

edge

the barwon club

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the max hotel

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beav's bar

eureka

home house

elephant & castle

slate pool lounge

gateway hotel

elephant & castle

beav's bar

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FILM REVIEWS

by anthony morris

Need for Speed

300: Rise of an Empire

Brooding dude Tobey Marshall (Aaron Paul) is struggling to keep his now dead dad’s garage afloat the only way he knows how. Fixing cars? Nah: illegal street racing, complete with buddy Benny (Scott “Kid Cudi” Mescudi) flying overhead making sure the roads are clear. Then former local turned big-time racer who no one respects (because he’s secretly evil and not as good as Tobey and also stole Tobey’s girl) Dino Brewster (Dominic Cooper) shows up. Deals are made, races are run, you think the film’s getting started but it’s really all backstory because the real story doesn’t start until Tobey gets out of jail after two years – oh yeah, a friend of his died in an illegal street race and Brewster ran off while Tobey took the fall – and is offered a hotted-up car by Julia (Imogen Poots) to compete in an illegal but lucrative street race run by reclusive race fan The Monarch (Michael Keaton). One problem: they’re on the east coast, the race is in California and it’s two days away. Looks like they’ve got a… Need for Speed. Unfortunately, what they don’t have is a decent script. Or interesting characters. Or a story that makes much sense. Or car chases that get much beyond “yeah, that was okay, I guess”.

Remember 300? Lot of shirtless guys and CGI blood splashing around … gave the world Gerard Butler: movie star? Well, this begins seconds after that film ends – King Leonidas and his men are all dead; the evil Persian God-King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) triumphant – then flashes back 10 years earlier when Greek leader Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton) thwarted the first Persian invasion and killed the (then) Persian king. That dying king’s last words to his son Xerxes were that only the gods could defeat Greece, at which point Artemisia (Eva Green) told Xerxes that clearly that meant he had to become a god himself. One quick wander in the desert later and he’s a god, the war’s back on, and we’re back where we started with a lot of shirtless guys sending CGI blood splashing everywhere.

There’s certainly a lot of stuff going on here: cross-country driving, racing on the California coast, off-road racing, a whole bunch of different super-fast cars, police chases, cars jumping over highways, a body count that gradually starts to become disturbing as everyone becomes a mass murderer, cars being plucked off a cliff top by a helicopter… just another day at the (illegal street) races really. And the film certainly tries to sell the character stuff, but it all comes off as either lame posing or … no, it’s mostly just lame posing. Let’s not even mention Keaton’s frankly embarrassing turn as a hype man for a race so secret no one actually gets to see it. Basically, everything here that isn’t footage of a car driving very fast is pointless at best and boring at worst; and even some of the car footage is pretty bad. You don’t need this film, and you should speed away from it.

The big difference between this and 300 is that here all the battles take place at sea. Which isn’t really that big a difference: the battles largely involve ships crashing into each other so the soldiers on board can hack and slash at each other. What this series does have to offer beside loads and loads of CGI gore – why stab someone once when you can stab them three times then have a horse crush their head – is hilariously bombastic dialogue. Unfortunately Stapleton isn’t in the same league as Butler when it comes to booming out a stirring speech, but what he lacks in bombast he makes up for by getting to have nasty sex with Eva Green on a war map. 300: Rise of an Empire is basically a series of battles loosely held together by the fact that Themistocles and Artemisia are in charge of each side. The fights are decent enough and the whole “video game cut scene” visual approach it has going on works fine, but without any strong character material to hang all this grunting and slashing on, it’s just a bunch of grunting and slashing. It’s a film that does everything it’s meant to without doing any of it all that well.

The Monuments Men It’s World War 2 in occupied Paris, which means the Nazis run everything. Bad news: the Nazis like art and they’re grabbing all the good stuff for themselves and running off with it. Parisian art scholar Claire Simone (Cate Blanchett) isn’t happy about this. Neither is US art historian Frank Stokes (George Clooney, who also directs), who delivers a lecture to FDR about the threat posed to the art of Europe by Hitler’s proposed giant museum. Clearly they’re Nazis and everything they do is evil even when it’s just a giant museum, so FDR gives Stokes the thumbs-up to form an Ocean’s 11-style gang of art specialists to go into and save the art from both Nazi destruction and the invading Soviets, who are taking everything that isn’t nailed down and shipping it back home. If this seems a little muddled, bingo; plus, we spend a whole bunch of time watching Stokes put his team together, which is usually the fun part in this kind of film, but here it tends to blunt the idea that this is an urgent threat they’re responding to. If you’re trying to stop someone from stealing something, taking a few months to go through basic training does suggest you’re not that worried. At least Stokes’ team is a good one: there’s curator at the Metropolitan Museum (Matt Damon), a sculptor (John Goodman), an architect (Bill Murray), an arts impresario (Bob Balaban), a French art dealer (Jean Dujardin) and a British art expert trying to redeem his shady past (Hugh Bonneville). But no sooner is the team together than Stokes splits them up and sends them across France, making much of the middle third of the film a mess, jumping from storyline to storyline with no real sense of urgency or drama. This looks good, the cast turn on the charm, and most of the military stuff is accurate. But all too often this is just plain boring, and that’s a fatal flaw even in a film as well-meaning as this one.

Vampire Academy Our story begins with a happy vampire family dying in a car crash. No, that was a flashback: teen vampire Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry) had a nightmare and her psychically-linked human guardian Rose Hathaway (Zoey Dutch) picked up on it. They’re on the run from St Vladimir’s, aka Vampire Academy, for reasons unknown – not that it matters because they’re promptly recaptured and shipped back to school, so forget the last five minutes even happened. You’d better get used to that rapid pace, because they’re trying to cram an entire novel into this average-length film and that means a lot of stuff is happening all the time. But first, backstory: it seems there are three kinds of vampires in the world. A Dhampir (eg, Rose) is a half-human, half-vampire charged with protecting the Moroi (eg Lissa), full-blooded vampires who can survive in sunlight, only drink blood from willing humans, and have a variety of element-themed magical powers – control over earth, water, fire or air. The third kind of vampire – the Strigoi – can’t go out in daylight, feel nothing and kill for fun, and occasionally attack the Academy for reasons that – again – aren’t really explained. Also, Lissa is a vampire princess who, due to some combination of a complicated system of governance, her dead family and a sick uncle (Gabriel Byrne) not up to the task, could be next in line to the throne. With all that is going on there isn’t really room for the fun high school parody this should have been; instead, there’s a whirlwind of love interests, romantic rivals, brooding loners, hunky strangers, animal sacrifice, mysterious figures from the past, psychic bonds, dramatic freak-outs, sinister conspiracies, and pretty much anything else the filmmakers figure they can cram in. Don’t be fooled by the fact those filmmakers where behind Heathers (same writer) and Mean Girls (same director). This has the occasional fun moment, but if you liked those films … well, you really should re-watch those films.

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Pompeii

I, Frankenstein

Orphaned as a child when the Romans massacred his village, Milo (Kit Harrington – Jon Snow from Games of Thrones), aka “The Celt” (because what kind of a name for a ruthless killer is Milo?), has grown up to become the baddest of badass gladiators. Sent to Roman holiday resort Pompeii to star in the games there, he finds both love – in the form of Cassia (Emily Browning), recently returned daughter of local tourism chief Severus (Jared Harris) – and the man who killed his family, the extremely creepy Roman senator Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland). Corvus wants Cassia, Cassia wants Milo, Milo wants revenge and not even an exploding Mt Vesuvius firing flaming boulders at everyone will stop them.

How’s this for a cool idea: after burying the body of his creator in the family graveyard in 1792, Frankenstein’s monster (Aaron Eckhart) is promptly attacked by demons, then saved by shape-shifting gargoyles, taken to their queen (Miranda Otto) who names him Adam and tells him he’s now at the heart of a war between good and evil that’s been going on forever so he’d better pick a side and evil doesn’t have his best intentions at heart. Adam, being a hardcore badass, grabs a couple of demon killing weapons, tells the gargoyles to go jump, spends the next two hundred years in the wilderness killing demons, then returns to the big city only to discover that while much has changed, the demons – led by a slick businessman (Bill Nighy) obsessed with bringing the dead back to life with the help of a young scientist (Yvonne Strahovski) – are still out to get him.

A gladiator movie that becomes an over-the-top disaster film in the final half hour is never going to be a highbrow experience, but this gleefully embraces its cheesy side with plenty of sweaty shirtless men, sword-swinging battles, sleazy merchants, push-up-bra-wearing slave girls and ominous volcano-related foreboding. It’s dumb and blunt and obvious but never dull: director Paul W.S. Anderson destroys Pompeii first by a hail of flaming rocks then a tidal wave, before the deadly suffocating ash (which is what wiped out the town in the real world) even makes an appearance.

Wolf Creek 2

Mick Taylor is back, only now he’s more of a cartoony supervillain and everyone else is barely twodimensional; so as far as horror movies goes, this is really a bit disappointing. Good car chase sequence, though.

All is Lost

Robert Redford is alone on a yacht that gets into difficulties that just don’t stop in this compelling drama – think of it as Gravity on a boat, only with a lot less talking and slightly more sharks.

Three Days to Kill

Kevin Costner is an antiterrorist assassin who’s about to die (right before he can make up with his estranged daughter) when he’s offered a cure. One catch: he has to kill

Unfortunately, while this has the occasional fun moment of cheesy self-awareness (Nighy at least seems to be having some fun here) and Eckhart’s ultimate badass act is actually pretty good, on the whole this rarely rises to the storytelling level of an extremely average video game. The big battles are dull CGI-fests, the dramatic reveals are silly or obvious, the story wanders around without ever generating any tension or drama and being filmed in Melbourne means a lot of the outdoor scenes are just plain distracting … At least they get a nice camera shot out of turning the Waterwall at the National Gallery into “Central Station”. a bunch of people first. Yeah, like that’s going to be a problem.

Non-Stop

Liam Neeson is an onthe-edge air marshal who gets a text message mid-flight that a passenger is going to

be killed in the next 20 minutes. It’s a cheesy premise, but this manages to wring a surprising amount of suspense out of it.

Tracks

The true story of one woman’s

journey from Alice Springs to the coast of Western Australia in 1977, this is a visually stunning trip across a part of Australia many of us will never see.

Last Vegas Don’t go see this.

MUSIC REVIEWS l iVe r e vie w

Apollo Bay Music Festival Apollo Bay - February 28 - March 2

Windows down, tunes on – there isn’t a better feeling than travelling down the Great Ocean Road to a music festival. This was exactly the case with Apollo Bay Music Festival this year. Heading down on the Friday Night, the options were quite simple for whom to check out as I arrived. Heading along to support local talent Jamie Pye, I was surprised by what I heard.

Raise the People

What’s Life Without Losers

Calling all Cars

Mikhael Paskalev

Dead Man Enterprises

Pretty Boy Floyd Records

Melbourne trio Calling all Cars’ new release, Raise the People, is the band’s third studio album. Dubbed to be slightly more toned down in comparison to the boys’ past releases – Hold, Hold, Fire peaking at 72 nd on the ARIA Albums chart back in 2010 and Dancing with Dead Men that made it all the way up to number 20 on the same elusive chart in 2011.

As a massive fan of Mikhael Paskalev, I was super excited to see his debut Australian album release of What’s Life Without Losers released last Friday. For most, the part-Norwegian part-Bulgarian indie-folk popstar is known for his incredibly catchy and short tune ‘I Spy’, which featured in the Kellogg’s LCM bar ad where the kid gets overly super excited about the LCM bar being in their lunchbox. I only mention this because that is how I feel every time I hear Paskalev’s intensely different vocals. And that just works with the old-styled guitar riffs, written by Paskalev’s best friend and lead guitarist Joe Willis, who even ended up producing the album after deciding that paying big money for fancy producers and recording studios weren’t for him.

Raise the People tends to feel and sound similar to that of US pop punk icon Fall Out Boy, and it has the potential to take the Melbourne locals to an all-time high in the charts – and the Australian music industry. For me, the newest single off the album, ‘Standing in the Ocean’, released in January, is a standout of Raise the People; to see a softer side in lead singer Haydn Ing’s talented vocals creating an indiepop vibe. There are similar sounds to that of Australia’s own Wolfmother, who they toured alongside with on the Australian stretch of AC/DC’s Black Ice Tour. The awesome harmonies and backing vocals were possibly one of the best additions throughout this album, and it’s obvious that the boys know the direction they want to head in the future. Another track that is definitely worth a listen if you are keen on the guys’ indie-rock side is ‘Running on the Sun’, which is one of the later additions to this very well-mixed and mastered CD from the boys and their production team.

‘What’s Life Without Losers’ is the first track and is just catchy as hell – like most of the tracks. ‘Jive Babe’ is a light version of garage grunge; high energy weird vocals and an impressive 23-second hand clap at super fast speeds. Paskalev’s fifth track, ‘Woman’, is basically a soothing lullaby that eventually builds up, showing off his softer side. It features additional vocals from Billie Van, who has just released a single of her own in Norway. ‘Susie’ is something else; showing off Paskalev’s impressive guitar skills in this upbeat folk beat written about a girl who lived on a farm. Even once you have gone through all of these other songs that just have an effect on you that make you want to get up and dance, there is still ‘I Spy’ with a Risky Business-inspired music video which is just as good as the track itself – with a dancing bassline, a guitar solo that makes your heart throb and sweet addition of harmonica. The sky is the limit for the cheeky Scandinavian’s debut Australian release.

some slap bass in your music, check it out. Everybody knows that at a festival it is not officially possibly to see everybody you would like to. Over both Saturday and Sunday, I indulged in quite a bit of music and definitely highlights for the programming would be Kate Miller-Heidke playing ‘Caught in the Crowd’ and country superstar Shane Nicholson.

In the twelve months since I last saw him, Pye has started singing and has really developed a coastal Jack Johnson/ Ben Howard-esque vibe to his music. A talent to definitely watch in the future, especially when he releases his follow-up to Vibrations. Next up was the funky and delicious reggae sound of El Moth, who has over the past few years had an affinity to Apollo Bay, playing around spots in various venues. Life’s a Ride is their current release, and if you’re looking for

The surprise to the weekend came from Hollie Smith, whose music I hadn’t heard up until now. Playing tunes from her whole back catalogue as well as her upcoming album slated for release later this year, don’t shun away the opportunity to see her when she tours next time. Vocal and RnB perfection, with a killer band to boot. Apollo Bay, there ain’t much more to say – catch you next year! Written by Tex Miller

l iVe r e vie w

Motor City Music Festival Geelong Showgrounds - March 7 -9

Geetroit Rock City was shaken up as the inaugural Motor City Music Festival hit the showgrounds over the Labour Day weekend. Celebrating 20 years of the Blues Train, there were some fantastic artists showcasing over the weekend. A couple of my favourite sets included the big electric guitar showcase featuring Australian blues royalty in Lloyd Spiegel, Jimi Hocking and Geoff Achison. Tribute act Saturday went down a treat, with thousands of people pouring in to get their fix of Thunderstruck, Appetite for Destruction and of course, Kisstroyer. Singing ‘Rock and Roll All Nite’, it was sensational and was the closest thing Geelong will get to seeing Kiss perform in their backyard. The food vendors were also impressive, with a diverse selection of food on offer. I give top marks to Jack the Ribber and Flying Wok dumplings that gave an alternative to the usual

music festival hot chips and Dagwood dogs. Having programmed the Live and Local stage, one of the definite highlights was seeing The Kite Machine in full flight. A massive crowd poured into the venue which saw a massive dance-off to ‘Ghostbusters’ at the end of their set. Although there was some noise bleed from other venues, the unearthed talent that showcased across the weekend showed that Geelong has some serious musicians that are definitely worth watching and supporting over the next twelve months. Closing out the weekend was a fireworks display that will definitely be remembered for many years to come. A positive festival experience – and I can’t wait to head along and be involved with it again next year! Written by Tex Miller

Written by Oliver Friend

Too True

Broken on Her Ocean

Sound the Underground

Weary Stars

Dum Dum Girls

Nick Saxon

King of the North

Michael Paynter

Sub Pop

Independent Release

There’s something so understatedly catchy yet appealing about the Dum Dum Girls’ third fulllength album Too True. The band has brought back their iconic indie-pop sounds, with their simple yet piercing lyrics being a feature throughout.

Popular Nat Geo Adventure traveller Nick Saxon presents his newest and third album, Broken on Her Ocean. Unsure exactly of which genre Saxon is presenting in the first few tracks, the album starts to level out from about the fourth or fifth track in finding a sound somewhere between genres like indie, rock, blues, reggae and just an overall international feel.

Breaking into the stratosphere on the 14 th of March is the highly energetic and anticipated debut from Melbourne rockers King of the North. The first single, ‘Wanted’, has just been snapped up by BMW for one of their latest commercials – so KOTN are set for superstardom in the next few months. Opening with ‘It’s Been Too Long’, Sound the Underground shows just how hard KOTN have been working over the past couple of years, and if you love your two-piece rock and roll, this will definitely be up your alley.

There is absolutely no doubting past Voice contestant Michael Paynter has an incredible singing talent; shown the whole way through his newest album, Weary Stars.

At times Too True takes a turn at a more generic pop sound, but it’s in these instances where we lose sight of just why we love the Dum Dum Girls – which is their unique combination of indie and pop. ‘Rimbaud Eyes’ lapses into this area, and though a catchy tune just doesn’t feel genuine. Lead singer Dee Dee lets her emotions shine through in the melancholy tracks ‘Are You Okay?’, ‘Trouble is My Name’ and ‘Too True to be Good’. Dee Dee proves her skills hitting the lower octaves in these tracks but misses the mark slightly in ‘Too True to be Good’. ‘Lost Boys and Girls Club’ brings an edgier track to the album and is the kind of thing you’d hear played to thoroughly intoxicated patrons at a poorly lit bar. The guitar throughout makes the track a standout, with ‘Little Minx’ a close second.

The leading single off the album is ‘Burn’. With a really old-school-styled country and western riff, awesome harmonies and addition of 21st Century sounds, it’s a pretty good track that’s worth a listen. The beauty of the well-travelled presenter is that he has obviously been exposed to many stylings of music from around the globe – shown especially in his first five tracks, before it comes back to the Saxon we know from his first two albums. Saxon’s fifth track, ‘Dead Man Walking’, is one of my personal favourites along with ‘Insomnia Love’, where Jess Stevenson adds some lovely vocals over one of Saxon’s classic catchy guitar riffs. ‘Drunken Sailor’ is almost a throwback to one of his bigger tracks, as is my current ringtone, ‘Stones Throw Away’, if it wasn’t for the sweet reggae change-up throughout.

Though Too True hits a few bumps along the way, the album finishes on a high with the ambient track ‘Trouble is My Name’, proving that there’s more to the Dum Dum Girls than singing satisfying indie-pop tracks.

The last track, ‘Come What May’, is a great one to finish on a predominately piano-based track, with haunting backing harmonies to completely fill out the song. Even though Saxon will probably never hit the mainstream crowd, there is definitely a lot of support behind him all across the nation and the world.

Written by Amanda Sherring

Written by Oliver Friend

With ticks of approval from Jimmy Barnes who said “F**king great! Massive Sound!” as well as Lucius Borich from COG saying “It’s the best thing he has heard in ages”, if you haven’t got your chops around this release yet, I sincerely suggest you do. Recorded live in one room together, KOTN have really hit home on an original sound that is both tasty live and on the record. With a thirty-plus tour date schedule which sees the band play in both Geelong and Barwon Heads, get out and support this band. It’s heavy hardedged rock and roll at its best. Written by Tex Miller

Kicking off the album is a song you have heard plenty of times before, ‘How Sweet It Is’, an old single released by Paynter during his time with major record label Sony BMG in 2011, an odd choice for me as there are plenty of great fresh new tunes on this album. Paynter’s third track, ‘Love the Fall’, also released by Sony in 2010, has achieved a Gold status in Australia even before this release. There is a breath of fresh air when Paynter’s newest single and title track ‘Weary Stars’ comes in at track number four. With a catchy chant in the chorus and a small amount of success so far, it pushes Paynter in a new direction, with a slight image change since his days with Sony. Finally in this independent release, Paynter has the ability to be the artist he wants to be, finding a unique sound between the emo rock of his past and commercialised pop in his later, fresher tracks – even adding in a softer track, ‘Novocaine’, a standout on the CD where throughout there is only the soft touch of keys and a string section, adding to Paynter’s phenomenal vocal talent. After listening to the first few tracks, I was pleasantly surprised at Paynter’s first independent release. Weary Stars is definitely worth a listen. Written by Oliver Friend

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Grog Watch Okay, so the future of shopping is going to be buying stuff online – or at least, that’s what I keep hearing from various shopkeepers of my acquaintance who are constantly going on about how the whole idea of “shopping” is totally dead now and we all might as well brick ourselves up inside our homes and just live off pizza because that’s the only food they’re going to be able to slide in through the ventilation vents. So I hope you’re all ready to enjoy a whole lot of damaged goods, because I’ve been buying stuff online for a long time now and if there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in that long time it’s getting stuff in the mail that looks like someone kicked it into a wall. And it’s getting worse. How can it be getting worse? Getting stuff in the mail is meant to be the future; surely they’re meant to be getting better at it because it’s the future and you know – the future’s all about improving with

PULP. >>>>>> By Cameron Urquhart & Alastair McGibbon

Cameron: Fiction tends to give crime a glamorous sheen that otherwise doesn’t exist in the real world. Stray Bullets removes that sheen and leaves us with brutal, unforgiving and often sad violence. While comics are no stranger to the world of crime fiction, Ed Brubaker’s Criminal being a particularly exciting and pulpy example, David Lapham’s Stray Bullets is one of the best at stripping it down to its core. It’s human interaction at its ugliest. The story itself is difficult to condense as (at least in volume 1) it’s more about characters than it is about plot. The story jumps back and forward through time over a period of a few decades, characters cross paths in ways you wouldn’t expect, and it makes it all feel like one big cohesive universe. It’s like a really slow burn Tarantino flick that never explodes into hyper violence. Instead, these sad characters continue to skate on the edge of disaster while their lives fizzle into nothingness. Naturally this comic is black and white; bringing any colour into this world would feel disingenuous. Lapham writes and draws everything himself, and masters both forms. The dialogue isn’t stylised, nor is it stilted, instead flowing in the natural way people talk. The artwork manages to capture a fairly straightforward reality while allowing for a little artistic flourish. I could write a thousand more words on why Stray Bullets is so good, but until you pick up the book and read it yourself you’ll never quite understand. Alastair: Last week I was able to catch a screening of Pan’s Labyrinth up in Brisbane. I’m not particularly familiar with director Guillermo del Toro’s work (I think I might’ve seen bits and pieces of Hellboy), but I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far. Pan’s Labyrinth follows a young girl – Ofelia – who moves to a military outpost with her pregnant mother to live with her brutal stepfather, a Captain in the Falangist faction of the Spanish Civil War. After following a fairy through an overgrown labyrinth, Ofelia encounters a Faun, who tells her that she is a lost princess from a subterranean magical realm. To reopen the gates to her kingdom, Ofelia must complete three tasks before the full moon – all the

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practice, right? And yet it’s reached the stage now whenever I get a package in the mail there’s at least one crushed corner and/or a massive dent in the middle like someone’s been using it for a seat cushion. Now, I’m not blaming the local guys for this. I buy stuff that comes from overseas, and who knows what crazy crap they’re getting up to over there. Plus, it’s probably being put on a plane that’s taking the long way around because seriously, have you ever bought anything online that comes with tracking? That package is getting an around-the-world-tour on your money. Why is everything going via Germany? Why does it have to visit three separate depots in the US before it can leave the country? Mysteries that will haunt us throughout the ages… What I am going to blame my local postie for is his (or her – I’ve never actually seen him or her) habit of showing up at my place at the crack of dawn to drop stuff off. I’m not joking: 8 a.m. is too early to be knocking on my back door, especially when you know from hardwon experience that I am not going to be getting up and opening that door – so you can just leave it on the back step like you’ve been doing for the last six months since you took over from the last guy, who I did actually meet because he didn’t show up until lunchtime. I mean, isn’t the whole point of being a package guy for Australia Post that you get to set your own hours? You’re an independent contractor, not an actual “postie” as far as I can tell – what the hell are you doing up and

while dodging her increasingly abusive stepfather and avoiding the escalating conflict with the rebel Maquis fighters. The movie had a rather polarising effect on me immediately after the screening – I loved the fantasy elements, particularly the design and ambiguous nature of the Faun, but was vehemently uninterested in the revolution/rebellion subplot. After a period of ‘digestion’ (read: thinking about stuff), I was able to appreciate the necessity of the brutal, ‘real world’ plot – the juxtaposition of the magical fantasy world and stark, grim reality really plays up the suggestion that the whole scenario is a figment of Ofelia’s imagination; a coping mechanism to deal with her frankly depressing situation. One aspect of Pan’s Labyrinth that really leaves a lasting impression is the character of the Pale Man – he’s the guy with eyes in his hands. Yeah, that guy. Played by Doug Jones, the Pale Man absolutely exudes creepy. The combination of eye-hands, a zombie-like shamble and a habit of eating wayward children certainly makes for one scary bastard. Pan’s Labyrinth is a definitive example of dark fantasy – brutal violence, horror elements and magical fantasy all blend together to create a fantastic art piece. It’s definitely not a kids’ film (it’d traumatise them), but it’s definitely worth watching.

driving around at 8 a.m. if you don’t have to? And if you like being up that early in the morning, that’s an actual valuable job-related skill you could be using to score yourself a job that isn’t driving around with a bunch of packages – breakfast TV news host, for example. And once you realise these guys are driving around crazy early because they want to drive around crazy early, suddenly you lose the number one excuse for why these packages are turning up all dented, because until I realised that he (or she) was turning up of his (or her) own free will, I thought they were just as grumpy as f**k for having to be up that early and were mangling the packages out of frustration that their life had come to this. Hey, it made sense to me: if I have to get up by 7 a.m. more than once a week I’m pretty much ready to kill someone. What makes me really worried about this home delivery future is that it’s not the stuff I buy online from other human beings that’s arriving all mangled. Actual human beings are pretty good at packaging it turns out, which isn’t really much of a surprise considering we’re the people who created the postal system in the first place. But buying stuff from big online stores? You’re lucky if they remember to seal the flimsy envelope they stick your expensive electronic hardware in before throwing it into a concrete trench where a goat eventually kicks it into the mail slot. Presumably they sell so much stuff they’ve figured

POrPe! cultu By An th on

y M or ri s

So, is Australian television drama dead or what? The news last week that the premiere of Ten’s big hope for early 2014, Secrets & Lies, had failed to draw anything like a decent audience – 404,000 according to the ratings; which is not enough to keep it on the air – coupled with the long-awaited return of Puberty Blues also getting its lowest ratings ever (538,000) suggests that it might be time to get out the shovels. The thing to note is that both shows were on Ten, which has been in serious trouble over the last year or so, regularly being beaten by the ABC – which you would think is a sign that the national broadcaster is doing what it should be, unless you read any of the News Corp media outlets, in which case the strength of the ABC is a sign that it needs to have its funding cut and outlets reduced to prevent it from taking money out of the pockets of News Corp. With Ten struggling, it’s easy to suggest that the reason both shows have failed (or at least, are seriously struggling) is due to the network as a whole dragging them down, especially as both are the kind of “quality” drama series we’re supposed to support. But it’s easy to overlook that Ten has had a long history of making “quality” drama series –

out that crap packaging saves them more money than it costs them in sending out replacements for all the damaged stuff people are getting, which – speaking as someone who actually does complain about damaged stuff – doesn’t help me any: even when they send out free replacements that just means I have to wait twice as long to get a working item. And that’s if they didn’t just package the replacement in the same crappy fashion. Seriously, you complain about an item being damaged by crap packaging, they say they’ll send you a free replacement, and they send it packaged the exact same way? If I wanted to gamble that badly with my money I’m sure I could find a pokies venue somewhere. At least there I’d have a tiny chance of coming out in front. So what, once all the regular shops have closed down to be replaced by coffee joints (until someone invents decent mail-order coffee and they all close down too) all our stuff is going to be slightly cheaper but have dents and rips and tears and creases and generally look like crap when it’s not completely broken but we’re going to have to use/ wear it anyway while we wait for the (hopefully not dinged) replacements to arrive in the mail? Worst episode of Star Trek ever. Tony “It is fun getting cool stuff in the mail, though” Montana

and by “quality” I mean “inner city/well-off people with problems” – that never really connected with audiences. Remember CrashBurn? The Cooks? Tripping Over? Meanwhile, much of the ABC’s current ratings success boils down to their shift towards more mainstream material, with Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries and The Doctor Blake Mysteries hitting big both here and in overseas’ sales. That’s not to say that Australian audiences don’t like “quality” drama – it’s just that it’s really, really, really hard to get it right. And when you don’t, there’s not much else going on to keep people watching. If you don’t like the characters on Miss Fisher, there’s a murder mystery each week, plus a whole bunch of historical costumes and set design, plus the occasional insight into how our lives were different all those years ago. Same deal with Doctor Blake. It’s probably over-reaching to suggest that the difference in ratings between Secrets & Lies and Puberty Blues boils down to more people being interested in what life was like in the ’70s, but with the explosion on reality television over the last decade or so it seems reasonable to suggest that people are watching television to learn about stuff as well as be entertained. Nine seems to have figured out that the more you can cram into a series the better, with their current ’60s drama Love Child already renewed for a second series. But hang on a second – isn’t Secrets & Lies a murder mystery? Isn’t the big hook there that the audience gets to solve the mystery alongside the characters on the show? Well, sure – but there’s a big difference between sitting down for an hour and seeing a crime solved and being expected to tune in week in week out to put the pieces together. The former sounds like entertainment; the latter just sounds like a lot of hard work.

Secrets & Lies

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IMOGEN BROUGH HEART Single Launch @ City Quarter Bar THURSDAY 3RD APRIL From 7pm with supporting act Entry $10 Cunningham Pier | City Quarter | @cityquarterbar Manager@thecityquarter.com.au | 5222 6233 | Thecityquarter.com.au Concept: Imogen Brough and Toni Newman Production/Styling: Toni Newman / Toni Newman Productions Photographer: Emily Abay

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