Forte #583

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calling all cars

kirsty mac

king gizzard & the lizard wizard

ballarat // bendigo // geelong // surfcoast // warrnambool // werribee

yacht club djs

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issue 583 // 3 april 2014 // next issue: 17 apr

ASTON SHUFFLE / ANDY MURPHY RUBY ROSE / JOHN DAHLBACK SLICE N DICE / JAM XPRESS NEW WORLD SOUND / JACK N JILL MIC NEWMAN / APOCALYPTO JOHN COURSE / ZOOLANDA / JEBU JANE DAFFY / BUTTERS / GENERIK TIGERLILY / HEY SAM / KATT NIALL FAKE FORWARD / KATIE VALENTINE MIKE METR0 / VANDALISM BENSON / COURTNEY MILLS

WHISPERS GEELONG & EUREKA HOTEL PRESENT

WHISPERS geelong

COMING UP

SATURDAYS www.eurekahotel.com.au 96-98 LITTLE MALOP STREET, GEELONG

WHISPERS geelong

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM Whilst things can be at times tough in the wild and wonderful expanses of regional Victoria, the place we call home, one festival (amongst others) has become a shining light - and that is Groovin’ the Moo. GTM is a jewel in Bendigo’s, and Regional Victoria’s, crown. With each year that passes the festival continues to grow in strength, this year selling out in record time. It was the first date to sell out across Australia, and the line-up is nothing short of amazing. To celebrate, this issue we have The Jezabels on the cover, who will be performing at this year’s event.

We had the honour and privilege of catching up with Killswitch Engage in the lead up to their Australian tour. We had a chat with hometown heroes, King Gizz ahead of their upcoming national tour. Featured further we have mashup kings Bad News Toilet, Ballarat-born and longtime Forte faves Yacht club DJs and Galtier. We also have a chat to Patrick Donovan about the upcoming Music Victoria Membership Drive.

All in all another cracking issue. With so many talented and wonderful people to talk to, we feel very lucky.

Enjoy.

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FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara

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COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................James Dulce SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Marianne Valitutti ADVERTISING

Anton Ballard

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Marc Wilkins

marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

CONTRIBUTORS...................

Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana PRINTED BY.........................

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the HIGHLIGHTS

The Highlights: Where we bless the rains down in Africa. Coming up you have…

Wee Bit of Weezer Weezer have teased fans with what could be a new album – their first since 2010’s Hurley. Last month the band posted a 20-second clip on their YouTube page. It starts out with the band performing an audibly warped version of a new track before shifting to the band nutting out a different, unknown track. Of course, the little message at the end that reads “In the studio now” takes away the guesswork. .........................................................................

The Dandy Warhols’ 20 Years Regular visitors to our shores, The Dandy Warhols are set for another round of shows to celebrate their 20th year as a band. Yes, well-dressed and charming readers, this little Portland outfit was formed way back in 1994 by Courtney Taylor-Taylor and Peter Holmström.

We’ve shown them a lot of love over the years, as they have us, so this should make celebrations most joyous.

The Corner – August 26. .........................................................................

The Rules of Nina Las Vegas The Queen of triple j’s House Party, Nina Las Vegas, announced last month that she will be stepping away from hosting duties in order to focus on an expanded role on ‘Mix Up Exclusives’. Nina’s new role kicks off on June 7. She will host the first hour of the program before throwing it over to three exclusive sets from producers from around the world. Faredewell Nina, and all the best in your new gig! .........................................................................

Things of Stone and Wood For the first time since 1997, Things of Stone and Wood have assembled their original line-up in order to celebrate the first time they came together – 25 years ago! With a helping hand from their hit ‘Happy Birthday Helen’, the band became a powerhouse of the early ’90s. NSC – May 24. To sweeten the deal, Carus Thompson has been announced as the support. * Note: the band will also perform a matinee show at the NSC on May 25. .........................................................................

Sietta Down by the River Sietta is producer/instrumentalist James Mangohig and vocalist Caiti Baker. The electronic-soul duo, who call Darwin home, released their debut album in 2011.

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Rather than coast on their efforts, the twosome started work on a second release straight away. That release is The Invisible River. Written in Darwin, Melbourne, Alice Springs and Ubud, Baker calls the newie “an album of hope”. NSC – April 26. .........................................................................

The Black Keys are Feeling Blue

Time for a New Xzibit

So, it looks like The Black Keys will release their new album in May. The album is titled Turn Blue and was announced via a cryptic tweet by Mike Tyson. Yep, that’s right. The Tyson tweet came with a link to a YouTube video of a hypnotherapist and a spinning pink record. The voice says: “You will obey my each and every word. I am inside you now.” There’s a bit more to this story, but I will let you discover it for yourself.

Last seen our way in 2011, Xzibit has also been pretty good to Australia over the years in terms of touring. Born Alvin Nathaniel Joiner, Xzibit released his debut album, At the Speed of Life, in 1996. Since then he has worked with just about every major name in the hip hop game. His latest release is 2012’s Napalm. The album features artists including Game, Bishop Lamont and Wiz Khalifa. The Espy - April 17.

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Happy Gaming Gilmore Have you heard about the 8-bit Happy Gilmore game?

The CineFix team is thrilled to welcome the new game to its ‘8 Bit Cinema’ family – and you are sure to be just as thrilled to play it. Partly styled after River City Ransom, Happy Gilmore the game is described as a “sports-themed bash-’em-up” affair. And it’s all in the glorious 8-bit style. Kids, you have no idea of the awesomeness you missed out on.

DJ Premier & Pete Rock Collusion is a new event series from the loving minds of Illusive and Frontier Touring – and DJ Premier and Pete Rock are set to break it in.

Having emerged as one-half of Gang Starr, DJ Premier is one of the greatest hip hop producers of all time. Pete Rock’s standing in the hip hop game is also as good as it gets.

Collusion revolves around collaborative artist performances. 170 Russell – May 2.

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Morbid Agent to play Covenant This month will see death metal kings Morbid Angel perform their 1993 album Covenant in its entirety.

Formed in 1984 out of Tampa, Florida, Morbid Angel’s third album represented the band’s first foray into the mainstream. The band performed a bunch of shows in the US last year as part of the albums 20th anniversary and now Aussie fans receive their go. The Hi-Fi – April 23. Fans won’t want to miss this one. .........................................................................

Kevin Mark Trail’s Debut From 1994 to 2011, The Streets released five studio albums. The highly-acclaimed hip hop and UK garage project released their debut album, Original Pirate Material, in 2002. Fronted by Mike Skinner, the album would also introduce North West London-born vocalist Kevin Mark Trail. Blending reggae, soul and electro, Kevin is set to perform his debut Australian shows as a solo artist. NSC – June 1.

Hooray for Record Store Day

The Veronicas Find Their Voice

Music lovers will know that April 19 is a very special day for it is the day the musical gods shine down their holy light and bestow upon us limited edition and exclusive musical treats as far as the eye can see. International releases will come from the likes of Bruce Springsteen, Green Day, David Bowie and Cage the Elephant. Local releases, meanwhile, will come from the likes of Cut Copy.

Band/artist and record label relationships aren’t known for being all that harmonious. Brisbane pop-rockers The Veronicas split from their former home last year and announced they were keen to getting back to doing things on their own terms. Well, it looks as though they like what Sony Music has to say and have teamed up with the label to finish work on their new album. The Origliasso sisters are currently in Los Angeles.

The Animated Bush Mechanics Directed by David Batty and produced by the Warlpiri Media Association, Bush Mechanics was an acclaimed television series which featured an Indigenous Australian take on motor mechanics.

Now PAW Media and Communications, the original creators of the series, are hard at work producing a short Claymation film based on the much-loved series. Pledges can be made through Pozible.

Pledges close April 8. .........................................................................

New Ice House Soundtracks The Ice House love-fest continues with the release of two more Ice House releases: the soundtrack to the 1984 film Razorback and the score to the hugely successful 1985 ballet, Boxes. Frontman Iva Davies: “Neither album has been available digitally before and the CDs have been out of pressing for many years. I’ve constantly been asked when these would be available.” Both are available now through iTunes. .........................................................................

5 Seconds of Summer

Coming Home with Ben Harper One of our favourites in Australia, Ben Harper is making his new album, Childhood Home, a family affair. Ellen Harper, Ben’s mother, will appear on the forthcoming tentrack album. She penned four of the album’s tracks. According to the word on the street, Childhood Home is a reflection on the pair’s family life. Ben has said previously: “Without that upbringing, I don’t think I’d be doing what I do.” The album is set for release May 2.

Those scampy young pop rockers 5 Seconds of Summer are looking like they’ll be taking over the pop world soon enough. Their single ‘She Looks so Perfect’ – also the name of their debut EP – is just the kind of thing that may have Bieber fans tearing down their posters and putting 5 Seconds of Summer ones up instead. In fact, it’s already gone Gold. The Palais – May 3. Now that’s just good wholesome fun.

Oh Lordy Lorde In news that isn’t surprising in the least but is nonetheless very welcome, Lorde has tagged on a second Melbourne show. The Kiwi “It” girl can’t do anything wrong these days. There has been her major record label deal. There has been her Grammy award. There has been the adoration from music lovers around the world. Ah, to be young and talented. Lorde’s second Melbourne date is locked in at Festival Hall on April 26.

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Sony World Photo Winners For the more attentive readers of Forte, a little while back we told you about the 2014 Sony World Photography Awards. Well, the winners are in, chosen from a massive pool of more than 70,000 entries. If you have a few spare moments, and if you are reading this then the chances are you do, take a look at worldphoto.org. The photographs will have you scouring the internet for that perfect camera. .........................................................................

Thor’s Mighty Hammer

It’s Bananaman

Here at Forte, we occasionally like to waste your time.

It’s just how we roll. The way we plan on doing that this time around is by alerting you to the video – if you haven’t already seen it – made by Vsauce. In their new vid, they tackle Thor and his hammer and the damage which would be caused by a single blow. I won’t say too much, other than think “97 million Titanics condensed into the size of an American football”. Kill a few minutes on YouTube.

For when Eric eats a banana an amazing transformation occurs. For those a little longer in the tooth, Bananaman (voiced by The Goodies) will be fondly remembered. Now it looks like the animated series is eyeing the big screen. Over at the newly launched bananamanmovie.com, three things are being promised: a 2015 release date, a studio base and, of course, a truly terrible pun.

Scratch that, a truly awesome pun.

The Audreys’ Tears Will Fall Those lovely Adelaidians who go by the name of The Audreys have some great news for you. Well, actually, they have the second piece of good news to follow on from their latest album, ’Til my Tears Roll Away.

And that second piece of good news is a tour. In support of their fourth effort, the ARIA-winning outfit has a date locked in at Ormond Hall on June 14. Who better to spend an evening with?

FRI 4 APR 2014 REST

AURA N

TS – BARS – ENTER TA I N M

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Figjam

SAT 5 APR 2014

Cam Bryce FRI 11 APR 2014

Trojan Friday night drink promos 5.30 til 6.30 and 9 til 10.30 Saturday Night Bulmers Jugs Specials 7 – 10pm

SAT 12 APR 2014

James Carrigg

GROVEDALE HOTEL 236-258 SURFCOAST HIGHWAY PHONE: (03) 5243 2814 | GROVEDALEHOTEL.COM.AU

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NEW ALBUM OUT APRIL 4 FEATURING UNDER YOUR SKIN & THE SAME MAN FORTEMAG.COM.AU

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FORT-NIGHTLY

CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE Thursday April 3rd

THE BARWON CLUB: Ghenshis Can’t Swim, supported by The Rolling Perpetual Groove Show, Tequila Mockingbird and Altittude BEAVS BAR: Dave Anderson Live BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night EUREKA: Thirsty Thursday with Mike Metro, Simon One, Shorty J, Max McKay, TVB, Toppa, Dawson, Pinky, Aybakez, Paul-E ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night

KAROVA lOUNGE (BALLARAT): King Gizzard and the Lizzard Wizzard & hris Ruddell’s Chicken Walk THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Cam Bryce ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Andy Ellis HOME HOUSE: Upstairs, Stan Gravs (Billboard), Travlos(Cloudnine) vs TWhite (Mischief). Downstairs, The Best RnB & Hip Hop with DJ Surrender WHISPERS: DJ’s including from Katt Nial Orkestraded, Slice N Dice, Andy Murphy, Damon Walsh, Chardy, Combo, Butters, Jane Daffy, Matt Watkins, Stevie Mink, Jungle Jim, Cosmos, Midnight, Yasumo

ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Open Mic Hosted by Sam Fletcher

THE LOFT (Warnambool): Hyperdrones

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Psycroptic, The Hazard Circular, Order of Torment

PISTOL PETES: Live blues till late

THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 EDGE: Live Music and DJs MARTIANS CAFE: $20 Internation Night includin drink CQ BAR: Imogen Brough BABUSHKA CAFE LOUNGE (Ballarat): David Grimson & Taylor McKnight $5

Friday April 4th

MARTIANS CAFE: Lloyd Spiegel COURTHOUSE ARTS: Oldman Nanook THE NEWMARKET (Bendigo): Live Bands BABUSHKA CAFE LOUNGE (Ballarat): KAISHA $10 THE MAX: Wooshka

Sunday April 6th

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: King Gizzard and the Lizzard Wizzard supported

by Chris Ruddell’s Chicken Walk CITY QUARTER: Perfect Sunday Sesh Live music and DJ from 4pm

THE BARWON CLUB: Evil Beaver supported

by Poppin Momams, Wolfpack and FFC

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): SUNDAY SESH: Spining Vinyl from Noon, DJ J from 5pm

CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind with live music then DJ

EDGE GEELONG: Live Music and DJ

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Test Pilot Molly

ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Guy Perkins

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live Jazz adn Parmi Night

HOME HOUSE: Homehouse Fridays Party with DJs, Steve Camp, Simon One, Keith Evans, Marcel & more

GEELONG RSL: Live Jazz and $13 Carvery Lunch

TORQUAY HOTEL: Dallas Frasca, Battle AXE Howlers, McConde Blowout

GEELONG PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE: Songs InThe Key Of Motown

BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizzard with Chris Russells Chicken Walk

THE LIGHTHOUSE THEATRE (Warnambool): Lior- Unplugged

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Locals Night, Spinning Vinyl from 4pm

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Adam 12

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Rory Ellis

EDGE GEELONG: Live Music and DJ

Monday April 7th

ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Eric Stribley

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

BEAVS BAR: Rosco

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: $10 Parmis

BLACK HATT: Blue Jam

THE WORKERS CLUB: Bad News Toilet

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Bob Log III (USA) + Hipster Kill Team

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Oldman Nanook

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Figjam THE CAPTIAL THEATRE (Bendigo):Todd McKenny Sings Peter Allan

Tuesday April 8th

PISTOL PETES: Levi Anderson

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

THE LORD NELSON: Happy Hour 5pm-7pm

GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13

THEATRE ROYAL (Castlemain): Tex Perkins Charlie Owen

BLACK HATT: Bachata Dance Classes

BABUSHKA CAFE LOUNGE (Ballarat): Matt Malone $5

GEELONG PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE: The Wizard Of Oz Show COURTHOUSE ARTS: Oldman Nanook

THE MAX: Trojan

Saturday April 5th THE BARWON CLUB: High Fidelity, supported by Mosaicz

CITY QUARTER BAR: Live Music and DJ LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live band Stella

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BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Spinning Cool Vinyl and Mexican Night from 4pm

GEELONG RSL: Pot and Parmi Night $13 BLACK HATT: Cuban Salsa Dance Classes

BEAVS BAR: Steve Pianto Live

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8pm. Have fun win prizes book a table

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Retro Vinyl and live music from Noon, DJ from 8pm

THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): Antonio Serrano Harmonious

EDGE GEELONG: Live music and DJ

BEAVS BAR: Karaoke open mic with Dave Anderson

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live Band 9.00pm to Midnight

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Wednesday April 9th

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Oldman Nanook

Thursday April 10th

EUREKA: Thirsty Thursday with residents DJsSimon One, Shorty J, Max McKay, TVB, Pinky, Aybakez, Paul-E, Vickers BIRD ROCK CAFÉ: (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night KAROVA LOUNGE (BallaratThe Savages, All We Need, The Shorts MARTIANS CAFE: $20 Internation Night includin drink BEAVS BAR: Andy Forster main room.

Residual with special guest Jordan Riddle EDGE GEELONG: Live Music and DJ

Friday April 11th

THE MAX HOTEL : Adventure Playground CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind from 5pm. Live with live entertainment and DJ THE BARWON CLUB: Ruiner supported

by The Duke of Deliciousness, Red Sky Burial and Alistair Turnill LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Tackleberry BLACK HATT: Cor Ten BEAVS BAR: 2-Tone HOME HOUSE: Homehouse Fridays Party with DJs, Steve Camp, Simon One, Keith Evans, Marcel & more.

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Locals Nightm Spinning Vinyl from 4pm ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Nick Deman KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Left for Wolves, Eyes Wide Open, Shallow Grave, A Call To Anguish ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Trojan THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): The Bushwalkers- The Gold Rush Show

EDGE GEELONG: Live Music and DJ

Elvis, Cash, Carter & Monroe

THE LOFT (WARNAMBOOL): The Infants

KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Bad News Toilet, The Pretty Littles, The Corsairs

PISTOL PETES: Tex Miller THE LORD NELSON: Happy Hour 5pm-7pm THE MAX: Adventure Playground THE BABUSHKA CAFE AND LOUNGE (Ballarat): Daniel Champagne CD Launch $10

Saturday April 12th THE MAX HOTEL: Frequency CITY QUARTER: Live entertainment THE BARWON CLUB: The Infants supported by Pretty City and Swercide LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live band Stella

BARWON CLUB: $10 Parmis

THEATRE ROYAL (Castlemain): James Reyne

THE WORKERS CLUB: Bad News Toilet

GEELONG ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS: Kirsty Mac

LORD NELSON HOTEL: Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D

WHISPERS: Ahton Shuffle, Andy Murphy, Ruby Rose, John Dahlback, Slice n Dice, Jam Xpress, New World Sound, Jack N Jill, Mic Newman, Apocalypto, John Course, Zoolandas, Jebu,Jane Daffy, Butters, Generik, Tigerlily, Hey Sam, Katt Naill, Fake Forward, Katie Vanentine, Mike Metro, Vandalism, Benson, Courtney Mills STEAMPACKET GARDENS, EASTERN BEACH, GEELONG: Calling All Cars THE LOFT (Waarnambool): The Residul MARTIANS CAFE: Daniel Champage PIPING HOT CHICKEN SHOP: Festivus

HARVESTER MOON: The Davidson Brothers with special guest – Nigel Wearne

THE BABUSHKA CAFE AND LOUNGE (Ballarat): Rach Brennan & Anna Smyrk

FESTIVAS: David Bridge, Julien Wilson, Strange Tenants, Mark grunden Samba School, Carcus Thompson, Michelle Nicole, Kate Machine, Murdena, Alister Turrill, Back Stack featuring Dave Palmer ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Luke Pote ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live band 9.00 to midnight

Sunday April 13th BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): SUNDAY SESH: Spining Vinyl from Noon, DJ RJ from 5pm CITY QUARTER: Perfect Sunday Sesh Live music and DJ from 4pm THE BARWON CLUB: The Loveless

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: James Carrigg

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Tryst

EDGE: Live Music and DJ

ODYSSEY TAVERN AND BREWERY: Cal Young THE SPHINX HOTEL: Carvery from $17

BEAVS BAR: Steve Pianto HOME HOUSE: Upstairs, Zane Zero (Cloudnine), Who killed Mickey (Billbaord) vs Jack Momson (Billboard). Downstairs, Best RnB & Hip Hop with Georgia Sinclair (TV Personality)

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

PISTOL PETES: Doc White

THE NEWMARKET (Bendigo): Live Bands

BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Retro Vinyl and live music from Noon, DJ from 8pm

Monday April 14th

EDGE GEELONG: Live Music and DJ ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live Jazz and Parmi Night

THE MAX: Frequency

GEELONG RSL: Live Jazz and $13 Carvery Lunch

GEELONG RSL: The Beach Boys,

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Rory McLeod (U.K)

THE SPHINX HOTEL: Meals for $11

Tuesday April 15th GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night BLACK HATT: Bachata Dance Classes

Wednesday April 16th GEELONG RSL: Pot and Parmi Night $13 THE CAPITAL THEATRE (Bendigo): The Wizard of Oz Jubilee Celebration ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8pm.

Have fun win prizes book a table BLACK HATT: Cuban Salsa Dance Classes

Thursday April 17th KAROVA LOUNGE (Ballarat): Yacht Club DJs, Godwolf, Savannah Riot BIRD ROCK CAFE (Jan Juc): Live and Local, $13 Pizza night THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $14, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night BENDIGO, ROSALIND PARK: Calling All Cars STAR BAR (Bendigo): Bad News Toilet BEAVS BAR: Karaoke open mic with Dave Anderson

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The Jezabels written by Natalie Rogers

Groovin’ the Moo will soon play host to some of the best acts from around the globe. Billed as “Australia’s only regional musical odyssey”, 2014‘s lineup is arguably the finest yet. Add to that each event is set to the backdrop of the stunning Australian countryside and you have the makings of one hell of a welcome home party for The Jezabels.

Rewind your mind back to January – the friendly fourpiece had just dropped their long-awaited second LP, The Brink, before systematically blowing away the crowds at each Laneway Festival. However, The Jezabels’ foundations were built on their love of touring and it wasn’t long before they were off again touring through the UK and Europe. That’s where I found guitarist, Sam Lockwood.

“It’s midnight in Rotterdam, the Netherlands.” Sam sounds wide-awake and keen for a chat. “We finished playing a show and it went really well. In fact, all of our shows in Europe have been amazing! Everything has been great for us over here, so it’s very exciting.

We’re stoked to say the least.”

Sam confessed they’re living the dream – they’ve became a successful touring band not only in their home country but abroad as well. “It might sound like I’m lying, but I love travelling around on our tour bus, doing a show, then packing up to do it all over again the next night. Also our crew is incredible; we’ve been making some amazing memories.”

For all the remarkable moments Sam, Hayley, Nik and Heather will surely experience touring internationally, our conversation quickly turns to their homecoming at the end of the month. “I can’t tell you how much we’re looking forward to coming back home. Our favourite place to play has always been Australia. We all get a bit home sick for different reasons,” Sam confided, “so we don’t take being back for granted.”

With that in mind, Sam tells me The Jezabels plan to make these shows the best yet – even joking that their time in Europe and the UK is just a big dress rehearsal. “We’ve been trialling different setlists and working to make things seamless. To me, there’s nothing better than hearing people sing along. It’s the best feeling, and we all agree that’s what makes for a special show.

“We still talk about the overwhelming reaction we got playing ‘The End’ [the first single off The Brink] at the Laneway Festival, so we know how important song choice is and we’ll try our best not to f*ck it up!” Sam laughed.

They’ll need that resolve when they touch down in Oz after a long-haul flight from Washington D.C. Clearly there’ll be no time for jetlag – their schedule has them playing 11 shows in the two weeks they’ll be here. “Along with the Groovin’ the Moo shows we’re booked to play our own sideshows in Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and Perth.”

Their Sydney shows include the rare honour of playing the Sydney Opera House – a distinction that hasn’t gone unnoticed by the band. “We were speechless when our manager said we would be playing at the Opera House. It’s a privilege not to be taken lightly.”

The same could be said about being asked to join the line-up of Groovin’ the Moo for the fourth time.

“We’ve played GTM a few times now and it’s a joy to be a part of. When they asked us to do it again there’s no way we’d say no. The festival seemed to appear out of nowhere and has become so popular. I think that’s because from the beginning the organisers haven’t put a foot wrong choosing the line-up.”

This year is no exception – some of the acts signed up to travel over the countryside include Dizzee Rascal, Disclosure, Cults, Robert Delong and The Naked and Famous, among others. “There are so many bands I want to see,” Sam continued excitedly. “I love Andy Bull and Violent Soho. We’re all friends with the guys from Parkway Drive and

we just met Vance Joy at the Laneway Festival – what a cool guy. Not to mention Illy is an absolute legend! There are so many great Australian bands on the line-up; it’s nice to be in their company.

“In the past we’ve played earlier and then we’d have the rest of the day to check out bands, but this time we’re playing later, so we’ll definitely have to maximise the time to see other acts ’cause that’s what it’s all about!

“After playing mainly all cities this year it’ll be nice to be in the fresh air playing Bendigo, Maitland, Oakbank, Canberra, Townsville and Bunbury. My parents live up near Byron Bay so I love wide-open spaces – that’s where I stay every time we come home.

“It’s quite funny, we don’t have houses. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice not to pay rent, but we live out of suitcases!”

And it seems their gypsy lifestyle is set to continue.

Since we spoke they’ve left the continent [although they plan on returning for the summer festivals] to take on the States and are determined to try their luck breaking the Asian market and pay a visit to our friends across the ditch. Happy trails.

When&Where: Groovin’ the Moo @ Bendigo Showgrounds, Bendigo – May 3. Also: The Palais, St Kilda – May 2

Staff and Management of the EMC Group Geelong strongly enforce a no-drug policy. Enjoy great music & drinks whilst staying drug-free.

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The Fratellis written by Natalie Rogers

Within the pages of Forte you’ll find stories of aspiring musicians alongside those of household names. No two interviews are the same, but there’s always a common theme: unforgettable music. The Fratellis know a thing or two about writing a catchy tune. Their smash, ‘Chelsea Dagger’, has become an indie-rock anthem loved by millions the world over; an instant classic. But as I found out, The Fratellis are no one-hit wonders.

Jon Fratelli (born Jon Lawler – Fratelli as a last name was adopted by the trio to pay homage to the 1985 cult flick The Goonies – truly a man after my own heart) is every part as charming as you’d expect. In his softspoken Glaswegian accent he chatted about life after ‘that’ song, getting the band back together and writing new music in the sun.

The Fratellis played their first official gig in 2005 in a little bar in Glasgow. In April 2006 they released a selftitled EP, followed closely by their debut LP Costello Music in September. The record was a sky-rocketing success and won the guys a Brit Award for Best British Breakthrough Act in 2007. Here We Stand was released in 2008, and although praised by critics and fans alike, it failed to have the impact of its predecessor.

“In 2009 we took a break from the band; we all needed to do something different for a while. I don’t want to speak for the others, but I certainly used to have moments where I’d become quite bored, you know?

The majority of people weren’t interested in hearing anything new.” (He never mentions the song by name – he doesn’t have to.)

Jon continued: “At the moment we’ve been back playing together for a little over a year now and we’ve had some of the best times together as a band. I think we’re definitely better than we’ve ever been. I’m at ease with myself and the band’s legacy now.

“I’m a big believer that if somebody buys a ticket to see your show you must give them whatever they want; so if that means most of the songs off our first record, then I’m perfectly happy to do it. But as a trade-off we play almost everything off our new record as well. We’ve been playing these songs for nearly a year now and they seem to be working for us so far!”

We Need Medicine was released in October 2013 and The Fratellis have been on tour ever since. Jon says they just completed a successful tour of the US for the first time in five years. “Nearly every show was sold out. We had a wonderful time, and now we’re on our way to Australia. Last time we had a couple of days off at Splendour in the Grass. It was your winter though, right? It certainly wasn’t Scotland cold; in fact, in comparison it was almost spring-like! We had a nice day on the beach. Unfortunately this time I don’t think we have a whole lot of time off. We sort of zip in and out – it’s a long way to go to zip in and out – and it seems a bit crazy,” Jon laughed.

“Other than that, the last few months I’ve been writing songs. We’re not far off from recording another record, so we’ll probably do that over the summer I guess. We’ll go somewhere nice and sunny – Australia’s pretty good for that,” he teased, “and we’ve got nothing to lose.”

When&Where: Prince of Wales, Melbourne – April 4

Killswitch Engage written by Natalie Rogers

When US rockers Killswitch Engage disarm and descend on our east coast next week, they’ll be bringing with them a rare treat. Bassist Mike D spilled the beans: “We’re coming over with L.A.based Kill Devil Hill [not to be confused with The Kill Devil Hills, country crooners from Fremantle] – Pantera’s Rex Brown is heading up the band.

I’m a huge Pantera fan, though I haven’t seen them live yet. I’m waiting for the surprise the first night we play – I think we’ll be a match made in heaven.”

Mike D knows a thing or two about metal. Since their inception in1999, Killswitch Engage has sold millions of records and are known in the right circles as one of the founders of metalcore. “I feel like we’re one of the few bands that have held the course and stayed true to what we wanted to do. We’ve been truly tested, with members leaving and a couple of health scares, but having the fans stick by us has been unreal.”

The most notable roadblocks that the guys have come include lead guitarist Adam Dutkiewicz’s continual, crippling back issues, and the shock departure of longtime lead vocalist Howard Jones. They say every cloud has a silver lining and, to the surprise of many, original frontman Jesse Leach returned in 2012 after a decade away. Happily, it was a welcome reunion.

“We’ve been a band for fifteen years, and for Jesse it feels like he’s seeing everything for the first time. It’s reinvigorating us old jaded guys who’ve seen it all!”

Mike joked.

“Not only is his stage presence incredible, there’s

also a lot more emotion on stage. We’re really excited about how he’s taken the Howard songs and poured his heart and soul into them. He’s just full of energy; he’s like a Mexican jumping bean. He’s all over the place, so we’ve had to step up our game, too.”

Disarm the Descent is the latest release from KSE. Critics have hailed it a “true standout” and “nothing short of amazing”. Mike appeared humbled by the comments, but added: “We’d been sitting on a few of these songs forever, so finally getting back in the studio after so long felt incredible and we’ve loved every minute playing these songs live. I can promise you antics and a lot of fun on stage. We particularly love it when the crowd join in and participate with us.”

Now that they’ve thrown down the challenge, let’s hope they can deliver. Mike and the guys have set a fevered pace this year, and it’s fixed to continue.

“Right now we’re in Japan but before that we played South Africa. I couldn’t believe how beautiful it was and that they have accents just like yours! If nothing else it’s warmed us up to come and play for you guys.

It’ll be an honour and a privilege – as long as Jesse’s voice holds up, we’ll be good to go.”

Before saying goodbye, Mike remembered his highlight from their last Australian trip: “Personally, I can’t wait to see the weird wildlife you guys have. Last time we were there we saw some crazy creatures – one looked like a squirrel or a muskrat, and we were hunting it for a bit. I’m sure it had rabies, so I don’t think it was a smart thing to do!”

When&Where: The Palace, Melbourne – April 13.

DMA’s written by zach broadhurst

DMA’s are a band with an air of mystery about them. Signed to label I OH YOU without releasing any material or playing any gigs, the band was snapped up off the strength of a few demo tracks recorded in a bedroom. Their sound is self-described by lead vocalist and rhythm guitarist Matt Mason as “noise pop” and “Garagey”, with a very ’90s Manchester rock feel about it.

“Patty, who is one of the guys who helps us out, he’s a guitarist and he and I listen to a lot of guitarheavy nineties kind of stuff, so that’s where a lot of the guitar influences come from,” says Mason.

“I guess Johnny listens to more kind of singersongwriter, old country kind of bands, and Tommy just kind of listens to new stuff and Stone Roses kind of stuff.”

Their seemingly sudden appearance on the music scene a few weeks ago with their first ever show together has actually been a long time coming, as the boys have been writing music together for more than two years.

“It started off with Johnny and Tommy in another band together,” explains Mason. “Johnny was the bass player and Tommy was the drummer and they sort of started doing their own stuff. I was just kind of hanging around and I just joined that way. It’s probably been two and a half years; but before it was just kind of like a side project studio thing, whereas now it’s more of a proper band.”

DMA’s self-titled debut EP was released on March

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28 th and was written, recorded and produced by the boys in lead guitarist Johnny Took’s bedroom, with a surprisingly professional result considering their surroundings.

“It’s out on the 28 th and I think people are going to like it,” says Mason. “It’s just songs that we recorded quiet simply really; I don’t really know what to expect myself. I’m pretty keen to get it out there. I know a lot of people have heard the songs already from the demos we had floating around before we recorded and people seemed to like them, so I’m just keen to see what happens really.”

The boys are already proving their popularity with more than 600 people showing up to a secret show they played in Sydney a few weeks ago – a landmark night for many reasons.

“It was good and it went well,” says Mason. “It was good to play loud as well, because we haven’t really had the opportunity to do that. We signed the record contract like 10 minutes before we played as well. I don’t know why we did that, but it was pretty cool.”

We also won’t have to wait too long for more material from DMA’s, with Mason revealing there are still plenty of songs and ideas that didn’t make it onto the upcoming EP. “This year we will be recording again and just writing more and recording more,” says Mason.

“Recording at Johnny’s house, we scrapped heaps of stuff and recorded a lot of stuff we didn’t end up

using, so we are going to work through heaps of that.”

DMA’s have also announced a string of dates across May, which will see them play in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane, building their fan base across Australia.

When&Where: Shebeen, Melbourne – May 23

TALK OF THE

TOWN!

Keepin' it Regional!

galtier

yacht club djs

rollo ellis

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Talk of the Town: Where every little thing we do is magic. Coming up you have..

Raise the Gloryhammer Have you ever caught yourself thinking that there just isn’t enough ‘Heroic Fantasy Power Metal’ in this music world of ours? Well, have I got some pleasing news for you! The British-Swiss band that goes by the mighty name of Gloryhammer is just that – and they’re coming to Australia. The band was founded in 2010 by Christopher Bowes, who some may know from Scotland’s Alestorm.

And now, a word from the band: “Mighty warriors of the Southern Hemisphere! It is our very great pleasure to announce that in April and May this year, Gloryhammer will be questing Down Under … Are you ready to quest with us? FOR THE GLORY OF DUNDEE!” The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 21. Australia’s own metal pirates Lagerstein support. Come one, come all. .........................................................................

It’s All Been Oscar Key Sung Oscar Key Sung is Oscar Vicente Slorach-Thorne, a Melbourne-based singer-songwriter-producer only in his twenties but already considered a veteran. At this point of time you probably know him best as one half of Oscar + Martin; though that is changing. In 2013 Oscar was handpicked by Mercury Music Prize-nominated MC Ghostpoet and Brooklyn-based artist MeLo-X to produce their collaborative effort as MELOGHOST, WecanWORKitout. He has also caught the eye of Gilles Peterson, a Franco-Swiss DJ and programmer on BBC Radio 6. Under his OKS moniker, Oscar is thrilled to welcome his debut EP, Holograms. The EP, which features the seductive and smooth title track, is out now courtesy of Two Bright Lakes. Star Bar, Bendigo – April 11. .........................................................................

The Strong and Brave Ramshackle Army They play music to drink to and music to make love to.

And it’s hard to go wrong with that. Melbourne outfit The Ramshackle Army broke into the scene in 2010.

Some call ’em ‘Paddy Punk’; others call ’em ‘Celtic Mosh’. Whatever the case, they know how to write a catchy tune. Drawing on the Celtic traditions of their family history and the Australian colonial heritage, the band’s infectious Celtic punk has left an impression on both local and international shores. They even formed a partnership with Melbourne’s Australian Ice Hockey Team, writing the team’s fight song. Whether the band is playing in a dingy one-man pub or in front of several thousand festival-goers, they deliver the same highenergy show guaranteed to bring out your inner Irish.

The Bridge, Castlemaine – April 25. .........................................................................

Be Swayed by Amaya Laucirica With touches of folk, pop, rock and psychedelia, songwoman Amaya Laucirica delivers the kind of songs that are pretty hard to resist. Later this month Amaya is set to release her new (and third) album, Sway; a release which features Adalita, A Dead Forest Index and Andrew Keese. The album was recorded by Dave McCluney (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Robert Forster) in Melbourne before being shipped off to New York to be mixed by Victor Van Vugt, whose credits include PJ Harvey and Beth Orton. The album’s first single, ‘Found Some Secret’, was released last year and saw the songbird proving to be quite the multi-instrumentalist, with Amaya juggling vocals, synth, harmonium and drums. Her latest single is ‘Prettier than the Sound’ / ‘On the Air’. The Bridge, Castlemaine – May 17. .........................................................................

Bendigo Easter Festival Well, Easter time is coming; a time when Jesus gives out chocolate eggs and we celebrate the resurrection of the Easter Bunny. With the little ones on holidays, there is always plenty happening to keep them busy. The Bendigo Easter Festival has been a tradition of the regional city of Bendigo since 1871. Running across a few days mid-April, the festival kicks off with a FReeZApresented music fest on April 17. British India, Calling All Cars and All the Colours will perform an all-ages event in Rosalind Park from 5 p.m. Good Friday, April 18, is Hazeldene’s Family Day. Festivities include an Easter egg hunt, roving entertainment, a mobile skate park and a fireworks display. Easter Saturday, April 19, sees Kidzone hit Rosalind Park. Your kids will suffer from excitement overload here. Another awesome feature of the day is the Bull Street Live Rock and Blues Festival.

Sunday, April 20, is the big one – the Bendigo Advertiser Gala Parade. The conclusion of the parade features the always colourful Chinese procession featuring Sun Loong, the world’s longest imperial dragon. Rosalind Park will once again feature plenty for the kids. Easter Monday, April 21, features a host of activities including the Rotary Easter Art Show and the Y Service Easter Book Fair. Hit bendigoeasterfestival.org.au for more. .........................................................................

Songs in the Key of Motown Founded by Berry Gordy, Jr. in 1959, Motown played an important role in the racial integration of popular music.

Motown artists included Marvin Gaye, Gladys Knight, Stevie Wonder and The Temptations. This weekend GPAC welcomes US vocal quartet Spectrum and Radiance as they take you on a journey into the Songs in the Key of Motown. Spectrum has spent six years recreating the sound and style of the Four Tops in the Las Vegas multi-million dollar shows American Superstars and Legends in Concert. Radiance, meanwhile, formed specifically to pay tribute to the disco and Motown era.

There is no better show if you’re looking at enjoying the harmonies, excitement, choreography and entertainment of the ’60s and ’70s. GPAC – April 6.

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Inside Dead Letter Circus

Mildura Gets a One Night Stand

Brisbane’s prog-rock darlings Dead Letter Circus are repaying regional Australia fans for their faith in the band with an extensive runs of shows. The announcement came off the back of the release of new single, ‘Insider’; the latest single taken from their 2013 album, The Catalyst Fire. After coming together a decade ago through the disbandment of Ochre, DLC took a few years to release their debut album.

First, they released a couple of EPs; then in 2010 they released This is the Warning.

Thanks to the EPs and a ravenous fan base, the album debuted at the number one spot on the ARIA Album Chart. Sporting a slightly tweaked line-up, DLC’s sophomore album debuted at the #2 position on the ARIA Album Chart. No need for any anxiety for album number two, as Absolutepunk.net wrote: “The album will become its own catalyst to spawn further listens, a catalyst to listen closely so as to hear something you didn’t notice the last time you listened, or the time before that, arranging a self-perpetuating cycle that will be very, very hard to escape.” Black Swan, Bendigo – May 28 & Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads – May 30. Fellow Brisbanites Like Thieves support.

In the television series A Gondola on the Murray, Chef Stefano de Pieri speaks about his love for food, wine and Mildura. Now the regional city is getting a heavy dose of music with triple j’s One Night Stand set to get down and dirty next month. Illy (pictured), Dan Sultan, Violent Soho, The Jungle Giants and RÜFÜS will be joined by a local unearthed outfit for the all-ages event.

Helping to bring music to a remote town or city, the first One Night Stand was hosted a decade ago in Natimuk, Victoria where performers included Eskimo Joe, The Dissociatives and Grinspoon. Port Pirie, Collie, Sale and Alice Spring have followed, with Dubbo hosting last year’s event. It’s a pretty sweet score for One Night Stand to secure the services of Illy. One of the country’s favourite rappers, Illy recently wrapped up his sold-out Cinematic Tour and is currently resting up before he hits the Groovin’ the Moo run. Themusic.com.au’s Ben Preece: “Cinematic is as outright impressive as it is ambitious, which is certainly not something that is easy to be within the constraints of Aussie hip hop … Illy pulls off his lead role effortlessly, guiding the entire project with the style and class we’ve come to expect from the MC.” The Nowingi Place (Hugh King Drive) – May 17.

Time Waits for Sattwa Arising

Hitch Your Wagons

Sattwa Arising is thrilled to support Adelaide’s Christian Andrew at Bendigo’s Golden Vine Hotel late this month.

Sattwa Arising is the moniker of Bendigo’s David Turpie, a songman whose love of music developed from a very young age. He has been honing his craft for over a decade now and like many, if not all musicians, trial and error has helped him arrive to where he is at today. If you type ‘Sattwa Arising, New EP’ into YouTube, you will be able to check out the talented muso at Melbourne’s 4forty studios. You will be able to check out several live performances as well. What else are you going to do, work? From his Facebook: “Music is the universal source and it’s something that we love to connect to and create.” The Golden Vine, Bendigo – April 27.

It has been three long, dry years since Wagons last toured Australia. And that is just a little too long. Fortunately, the shackled and drawn band has announced two bits of good news: an album and a tour. The new album is titled Acid Rain and Sugar Cane and is set for release in May. Bandleader Henry Wagons made the announcement via Facebook last month: “I’m very excited to announce the May 16 Australian release of the new Wagons album Acid Rain and Sugar Cane, the first band album since 2011. Long, loud and pleasurable in the making, this album was sewn together in the midst of a beautifully dynamic creative tornado formed between Wagons and co-producer Mick Harvey.” The Barwon Club, Geelong – June 6 & The Karova, Ballarat – June 8.

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Yacht Club DJs Find a Pal

Say Hello to Your Nan

Okay, so the Yacht Club DJs kick off their Oddity Number Five tour this month, and like many of us, they’re not adverse to a little company. So, joining them at their Ballarat show will be GodWolf. Hailing from Melbourne, GodWolf is the baby of Joe Kosky and Tom Armstrong.

They formed the project back in 2011 with the “idea of blending the ethereal with the vicious: the ambient with the aggressive: the God with the Wolf”, and have cited Regurgitator and Postal Service as influences. You may have heard their track ‘Alone’ – it’s doing all sorts of good. If you haven’t, now is as good a time as any. As for those lovely YCD lads, they’ll be showing off their latest mixtape, Oddity Number Five. You should go ahead and check that out, too. The Karova, Ballarat – April 17.

It’s Nan’s birthday again, so hopefully you love her enough to spend a little time with her. Featuring Yahtzel (DJ set), REMi, EGO (AV show), Lewi McKirdy (triple j), Tyler Touché, SBMRGE, Bad News Toilet and JVMANJI, Nan’s Birthday is a massive night out in Bendigo. Bryce Spratling is the man behind Bad News Toilet. After being a regular visitor to the Ballarat’s Karova Lounge, Bryce started to imagine himself up on stage. So, he did a little sweet talking and got his way. Next thing you know he is slamming out the beats while people in costumes danced about the stage.

Sure, one suffered a broken nose and another pretended to defecate, but much joy was had that night. He has since warmed up crowds for Nina Las Vegas and Alison Wonderland among others. Star Bar, Bendigo – April 17.

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Playing all the HITS

Top of the Hello Morning

There is a little band in Brisbane who goes by the name of HITS. They’re a nice, good-looking bunch of folk, but hand them instruments and give them a stage and all hell breaks loose. Following on from their much-loved album Living with You is Killing Me comes Hikikomori (Japanese for acute social withdrawal) – and they’re delivering it to you this month. The newie was recorded in Brisbane with Rob Younger (New Christs, Radio Birdman) over the course of several weeks. Now, a band like this requires a special sort of talent to support them, and up for the task is the scuzzy, the sexy, the rockin’, the rollin’, the ‘leave your pants at the door because you won’t be needing them here’ Geelong outfit that goes by the name of The Dukes of Deliciousness. The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 26.

You’re either a morning person or you’re not. In the case of The Hello Morning, however, it’s pretty hard not to be. Here you have six likeable guys who perform pop-laden soulful country tunes – and that’s just too difficult to resist. Although now a spritely sextet, The Hello Morning started out as an acoustic outlet helmed

by Steven Clifford and Matthew John Smith. Inspired by the sounds of The Band, Neil Young, My Morning Jacket and Wilco, the two-piece grew and grew into what we know today. In 2012 they released their debut album, a release which found favour across the US college radio circuit. It also picked up a bunch of four and five star reviews. Last year they released the EP Tie That Binds, which featured a track with Ali Barter. The Karova, Ballarat – May 3.

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Frenzal Rhomb & Friends

The Charm of Wendy Rule

Can you think of a more perfect way to spend an evening than with Frenzal Rhomb, Front End Loader and Clowns? Of course you can’t, silly thing. In 1992, a year which gave us albums including Alice in Chains’ Dirt, Faith No More’s Angel Dust and Rage Against the Machine’s self-titled effort, a bunch of louts from Sydney formed a little band called Frenzal Rhomb. Despite offending one out of three people since, they are still going strong to this day. Front End Loader has them beat by a year, forming in 1991, also out of Sydney. Like their buddies Frenzal Rhomb, Front End Loader have seen it all, done it all, and drunk it all. For the occasion they have decided to invite Melbourne’s Clowns to warm things up. It will be a case of last band standing at The Barwon Club, Geelong on May 24.

Dividing her time between Australia and the US, songwoman Wendy Rule has been touring extensively on an international level for over 10 years. Her music balances the wild, passionate and empowering while drawing on her deep love of nature and lifelong fascination with mythology and magic. Her latest album, Black Snake, was recorded thanks to a successful Pozible campaign in which she raised over $26,000.

The album was written primarily in the wilderness of New Mexico and, according to her website, is an album of “transformation, of stripping back, of death and rebirth, and celebration of life”. It is also a family affair, with husband Timothy Van Diest and son Reuben George Bloxham showing their musical chops. The Bridge, Castlemaine – April 5.

Feeling the Good Vibrations If you were to ask someone to rattle off some of the most iconic punk bands of all time, you would hope they would mention The Vibrators. And if they didn’t, you should really just walk away without saying another word. The original incarnation of the band – comprised of Ian “Knox” Carnochan, Pat Collier, John Ellis and John “Eddie” Edwards – formed in 1976. They would play their first gig supporting The Stranglers; later the Sex Pistols at the famous 100 Club. Located at Oxford Street, London, the 100 Club hosted the first international punk festival in 1976. Bands including Sex Pistols, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Clash, Buzzcocks, The Strangers and The Vibrators performed at the event. It was here the band met guitar hero Chris Spedding, who introduced the band to his then record label. In 1977 the band released their debut album, Pure Mania.

(Northern Ireland’s punk rock royalty Stiff Little Fingers would lend their name from this album.)

Bands including The Exploited, UK Subs, Die Toten Hosen, GBH and R.E.M. are among those who have covered the band’s work. Even after all this time the band hasn’t slowed down, and as recently as 2010 performed more than 130 gigs. The Barwon Club, Geelong – June 22. .........................................................................

Justice Crew’s HYPETOUR Many would be pretty familiar with the story of Justice Crew so far. Seven guys – E-Man, Lukas, Paulie, Samson, Solo, John and Lenny, various of whom had battled with such things as broken homes – came together through a couple of different dance crews and things began to happen. Big things, in fact. In 2010 they took out the Australia’s Got Talent title, but that was just the beginning. They signed to Sony Music Australia and released a few singles to moderate success. It was single ‘Boom Boom’, however, which took off. The single was certified six-times platinum in Australia and would score the lads an ARIA. Adding to this, Justice Crew have toured with artists including Chris Brown, Janet Jackson, One Direction and Pitbull. WPAC, Wendouree – April 16. .........................................................................

Paul Woseen is Still Screaming Paul Woseen knows a great deal about the music caper. As he should, seeing as how he has been playing the game for years. It started out in the 1980s with a band called Aspect, which he formed with Dave Gleeson and Grant Walmsley. Skip forward to 1989, and these three music-brothersin-arms formed the Screaming Jets. The history of the band includes five platinum and five gold albums and three platinum and three gold singles. They have also sold more than half-a-million albums and performed over 2000 shows. He has also written with and for artists including The Exponents, Mark

Curry, Brian Cadd and The Porkers. Woseen, the bassist and songwriter for the Jets, is now thrilled to present his debut solo album, Bombido. Beav’s Bar, Geelong – April 11. .........................................................................

The Pilgrimage of Owen Campbell Unfairly or not, there will be those who know singersongwriter and guitarist Owen Campbell as the “Angry Busker” on the 2012 series of Australia’s Got Talent. But that was a lifetime ago in terms of music.

Campbell has been playing guitar since he was nineyears-old and has become one of the country’s finest slide players. He has also paid his dues, having spent the better part of the last decade travelling extensively and performing wherever they would have him. He plays an old time sound – blending elements of blues, roots, soul and country. As he puts it, it’s honest music that tells a story. Last year saw the release of his latest album, The Pilgrim.

As part of his album launch tour Owen will swing by Babushka, Ballarat on April 26. You won’t regret it. .........................................................................

The Infants’ New Baby Hailing from Melbourne, The Infants are playing a few shows here and there in support of their new single. Information about this band is pretty scarce, but what I can tell you is that they’re a four-piece comprised of Blaise Adamson, Jack Normoyle and Chris and Anthony Morse. From their Facebook: “Somewhere between drag races and Sunday drives The Infants spew visceral vignettes and romantic recreations.” That sounds pretty nice. The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 12. .........................................................................

Anna Smyrk & Rach Brennan Anna Smyrk (she of Anna Smyrk and the Appetites) is an eccentric-pop artist who draws from the great storytellers of the folk tradition before layering it with blues, jazz and pop flavours. Rach Brennan is a country folk singer from Geelong. You may know her from Two Coloured Koi, in which she plays the piano accordion, keyboard, melodica and guitar. In what is sure to be a joyous outing of tunes, Anna and Rach will take in a show at Babushka, Ballarat on April 12. .........................................................................

Warrnambool’s Arockalypse The Loft, Warrnambool will once again host the almighty Arockalypse this year. Held across June 6, 7, 8 & 9, Arockalypse is a four-day slab of amazing tunes. At the time of writing no word was available on performing artists; however, last year’s line-up included Transvaal Diamond Syndicate, Kashmere Club, Sam Cole & The Mornings, The Bearded Gypsy Band and Murdena. Bookmark theloftbar. com.au for developments.

Festivus for the Rest of Us You didn’t forget that a cool new festival is taking place at Ocean Grove Park on April 12, did you?

Festivus is a big musical day out for those who love music and for those who want to be inspired. The line-up includes Eddie Perfect, Strange Tenants, Carus Thompson (pictured), Kite Machine, Julien Wilson and Band, Murdena, Mark Grunden’s Samba School, Dave Palmer Band, Michelle Nicolle, Alister Turrill, Jesse Leaman and Forte’s own Tex Miller. The visual art line-up, meanwhile, features Festivus Piano, Thongaphone, Milk Lights, Short Theater, John’s Weatherstation and Giveashit among others. From the organisers: “Art is important for well-being of a community and to stimulate people to look at things differently. Some people will make art, some people will enjoy art.

This festival is for both of them.”

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Piping Hot Comedians

I Just Called to Say…

People like to laugh – unless they’re humourless bastards devoid of human emotions – and that is why the Piping Hot Chicken Shop has jumped on the funny bone bandwagon. On April 26 ‘The Chicken Shop’ will host an Open Mic Night for aspiring comedians. Around a dozen comedians will spend five minutes in terror as they deliver what they hope are the goods. As an added bonus, sweet tunes will fill the venue in between sets. Chicken Shop owner Ben Chudoschnik: “Some will be hilarious, some probably not so much! Anything could happen on the night. That’s beauty of it, nobody knows exactly what to expect … The comedy nights will also give an opportunity for a talented new musician to play a set in front of a full house and maybe sell a few CDs.”

… I have some reminders for you. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard hit The Bridge, Castlemaine on April 4; The Karova, Ballarat on April 5; and The Barwon Club, Geelong on April 6. The Black Alleys, The Velvets and The Groves team up for a show at Music Man Megastore, Bendigo on April 4. The Electric SunKings hit Eastern Station, Ballarat on April 11 and Ararat Hotel, Ararat on April 24. Jebu takes on Geelong’s Eureka Hotel on April 12. Residual’s Numbered tour hits The Loft, Warrnambool on April 12. Calling All Cars welcome their new album, Raise the People, at The Loft, Warrnambool on April 19; Torquay Hotel, Torquay on April 20; and The Karova, Ballarat on April 23. And a little later down the track Propagandhi will hit Australia, tackling Geelong’s Barwon Club on May 31.

Martians Café’s Swanky Website We wanted to give a little shout-out to our mates over at Martians Café, who have given their website a little plastic surgery. Quite fitting for a place that regularly delivers great music (not to mention food), the venue’s new website is looking sharp indeed. And as ZZ Top taught us, every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man. Located on the Lorne Road at the foothills of the Otway Ranges in Deans Marsh, Martians Café has you covered. .........................................................................

BallaRatCat is on a Bus to Somewhere The team at BallaRatCat does a fine job of persuading some of the country’s funniest to perform at their awesome little comedy gigs, but they also realise it can be tough to compete against the bigwigs. On Good Friday, that is April 18 for those playing at home, the organisers of the event have organised a bus to take comedy lovers to a choice of sweet gigs: one featuring Cal Wilson, Frank Woodley and Tom Gleeson, the other featuring the ‘Best of Edinburgh Festival’ and Wil Anderson. Hit ballaratcat.com.au for details.

.........................................................................

Old Man Nanook Perfect timing for the school holidays, Old Man Nanook is a wonderful new production that serves as an allegory for climate change and the environment. Featuring the work of Stacey Williams, Trevor Maitland and Robert Smith, the production tells the story of the last polar bear, Old Man Nanook, as he travels the end of the earth to find out why his world has faded away. Featuring music, spoken word and projection, Old Man Nanook is aimed for nine- to fourteen-year-olds, but that doesn’t mean the grownups can’t learn a thing or two. Courthouse ARTS – April 5, 7, 8 & 9. .........................................................................

Music Victoria Membership Drive You only have until tomorrow, April 4, to get involved with the 2014 Music Victoria Membership Campaign. Music Victoria is the voice for all those who love music. Fighting the good fight in all the important issues, Music Victoria busts a gut in order to create a stronger music community.

Music Victoria member, ambassador and musician Jen Cloher: “We need to have our voice heard at the level of government to ensure policies are made with our best interests at heart. I don’t take Melbourne’s thriving music community for granted – we’re privileged. That’s why I’m a Music Victoria member.” Show your support by becoming a member or making a donation through musicvictoria.com.au.

Dallas Fracking Frasca You would be hard-pressed to find someone who rocks as hard as Dallas Frasca. She’s the gal your parents warned you about. She’s the gal whose music puts hair on your chest. She’s the gal who holds the pick of destiny. She also has a couple of butt-kicking musos to help her out in Jeff Curran and Zane Rosanoski. And they’ve got a sweet new single for you in ‘Lizard Boy’. Dallas: “Lizard Boy is a politically-charged beast and the collective consciousness of the entire band aligned. We decided to release Lizard Boy a little earlier than we planned, as it is so relevant about our current political climate. This song is a voice for the people. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels like we are being misrepresented with many of the present issues we are facing in this country.” Torquay Hotel, Torquay – April 4. [Photo credit: Jules Tahan]

For lovers of music, art and food!

Music: Strange Tenants • Carus Thompson David Bridie • Kite Machine Michelle Nicolle • Julien Wilson and Band Murdena • Mark Grunden's Samba school Dave Palmer and Band • Allister Turrill Jesse Leaman • Tex Miller Art: Festivus Piano • Thongaphone Milk lights • Short theater John's Weatherstation • Giveashit and much more food: Organic • World food • Much more.... ocean grove park, saturday 12 april 10am-10pm www.festivus.net.au facebook: festivusog tickets available from gpac box office gpac.org.au or from the piping hot chicken shop

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Calling All Cars written by zach broadhurst

With the release of their third album Raise the People, Calling All Cars are showing progression and growth in the sound many fans have become accustom to over the years. If you are hoping to find the same band that released ‘Hold, Hold, Fire’ and ‘Dancing with a Dead Man’ in these new songs then you may be disappointed, but as frontman Haydn Ing reveals, it’s a risk the band was willing to take.

“Obviously the album isn’t what a lot of people were expecting,” says Ing. “You’re always going to hear a few ‘what the fuck is this shit!’, but that happens every album. Overall it’s really good, and we are gaining a lot of fans who would never have been into the band.

“At the end of the day you have got to do it for your enjoyment, otherwise what are you really doing it for? I think we were just keeping ourselves happy and hoping that the old fans would dig it and a lot of them have. Obviously there are a few who just want us to record our first album again, but I think it’s about keeping it fresh.

“If you do listen to the first album against the third it sounds like two different bands, so we were expecting it, but it’s always nice to hope that your fans will grow with you. I’ve always been a fan of bands that change their sounds and don’t just stick to one formula.”

The growth of the band’s sound was always going to be a factor coming into their third album, as their comfort with the recording process allowed them to explore new elements and tones, but there was also a desire to break their Aussie rock mould and deliver a more international sound.

“I think we have kind of been dubbed with that Australian rock label for the past two albums, so I guess we thought we would do something a little bit different this time,” explains Ing. “I think the first couple of albums were very much in tune and correct and we really had to focus on playing the parts as well as we could. I think this time going in we knew what kind of shape we needed to be in playing wise so that we could come in and go for the vibe and the feel. Also having the parts down better, we could play around with tones a bit more and have a bit of fun. It was definitely a more enjoyable process recording this album.”

For a band who loves to stay active and give their

followers new material it’s certainly been a long wait between albums for fans, but it may be a much shorter interval between albums three and four.

“I think this album in hindsight took too long,” says Ing. “We like to turn it out as fast as possible, but just getting all the ducks lined up just took longer than we thought; just things like getting the record company sorted and who we were recording with, but I think it worked out well in the end. We are already thinking about writing for the next album, so you always have to keep yourselves active.

“We already have a few songs in the bank. That’s something we want to focus on, having this next album done hopefully by the end of this year, so that we can get into the studio straight away.”

With the ‘Raise the People’ tour now underway, the band will be showcasing their new songs around Australia, with Ing revealing what fans can expect at the shows, saying: “Obviously we are going to be playing a whole bunch of new songs. This tour we are definitely going to be playing our longest sets and a whole bunch of old songs – a whole bunch of new. We feel like we are playing the best we have yet.”

With an always impressive live show it’s clear the boys have learnt valuable lessons playing alongside the likes of AC/DC, Foo Fighters and Queens of the Stone Age (just to name a few), all experiences that have shown the boys what it will take to make it to the next level.

“I think it comes down to having the voice and the passion behind what you are playing and singing about,” says Ing. “Whether it’s Dave Grohl or Josh

Homme, they are just 100 per cent believing in what they are singing. It’s a conviction kind of thing, and if they believe it, then it translates into the crowd believing it too.

“It’s given us the experience of what it is like and what you have to be. Those bands have proven to us that you really do just have to work you arse off – that’s what it comes down to, just don’t stop. Again, at the end of the day it’s about having fun, because all of those guys love what they are doing.”

There will be no slowing down for the band once this tour is over, with plans to take off to Europe straight away. In a fashion similar to Kickstarter, the band got their fans to fund their relocation to Europe by selling everything from digital downloads of their new album to the band’s very own tour van.

“Well, originally we were planning on going to Europe regardless, so we realised we were going to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff because it costs more money to freight gear and all that stuff then it does to just buy it when you’re over there,” explains Ing. “We had the tour van and a whole bunch of stuff so we were like, ‘Why don’t we sell it to the fans rather than random people’. We are planning on flying out the day after the last show of this tour, so it’s pretty full on.”

When&Where: Waterfront, Geelong – April 12; Easter Festival, Bendigo – April 17; Mynt Lounge, Werribee – April 18; The Loft, Warrnambool – April 19; Torquay Hotel, Torquay – April 20; and The Karova, Ballarat – April 23.

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BENDIGO:

Oh Pacific written by Darlene Taylor

Previously self-described as “pussy pop rock” and now less contentiously as alternative grunge rock, Oh Pacific started the year with the melodic single ‘Last Year’ and its accompanying video, which was shot in a park near Toorak. Tim Coutts-Smith, the band’s last remaining local and its funny/bearded/ skateboarding bass player, was unsure of the exact location where the clip was filmed when I spoke to him recently in a café in Bendigo.

Coutts-Smith, who adopted the persona of an uncharismatic drip when he auditioned to win a role as a Channel V presenter in 2012, seemed more certain that his group will have a long-term future, even if his ambitions for that future appear to have been tempered by the realities of the music scene. “For the future my worry wouldn’t be us breaking up”, he said, “it’d just be really … getting further than we are now. That’s probably the best stage that I’d want to get to – travelling and living and having enough really,” he added.

Although the members of Oh Pacific are still young, the relative longevity of the band – it formed

in 2010 – means that the hopes for early success and the ensuing resentment when it did not happen have been gotten through and replaced by a more pragmatic attitude.

“The stage we are at now”, said Coutts-Smith, “is just like, just keep doing it.”

The musician talked about being on the bill at Groovin’ the Moo one year, while the next year he was working in a Chinese restaurant serving customers who were on their way to the same festival.

Although the ensemble have already made their music available to the listening public (e.g. the thumping three-track De/Construct can be downloaded via their Bandcamp page), they are working on refining the tracks that will make up their first full-length album.

The as yet untitled venture will include their second single ‘St. Mary’, which was made at Electric Sun Studios and is anticipated to be released in April with the album to follow mid-year, after also being recorded in Sydney when time and resources permit. Coutts-Smith, who claimed to be “shit at drawing”, is currently storyboarding the clip for the second single.

With most members of the band first encountering each other as non-sporty types in the apparently largely non-musical town of Kyabram, CouttsSmith identified friendship as an important factor in the band’s continuation and its musical trajectory.

“A lot of our friends are starting to listen to the old ’90s bands and stuff again”, he said, “and there’s kind of a bit of a new wave thing going on in Melbourne with that; whether you like it or not you can’t really avoid it, so you start listening to all that. All of our stuff is a bit more just like fuzzy and rocky.”

“(We are) really good friends in a band … it seems to just be the thing that’s kept us together ’cause you can be so open with each other,” he added.

Incidentally, Coutts-Smith’s droll Channel V audition can be viewed on YouTube and it contains a chuckle-worthy bit of singing of an Adele song and some sharp comic instincts (if the music thing does not work out, Tim should try comedy).

Also keep an eye out for the Oh Pacific episodes, including the highly informative“Beerisode”.

What’s On in the Rat? Thursday 3rd April to Thursday 17 th April written by Daniel Lock Welcome to the fortnightly review of what’s happening in B-town. I’m your host, Danlo (writer, music appreciator and live sound technician), and we kick off alphabetically with The Babushka Bar/Café/Gallery’s running sheet for...

Thursday, April 3 rd will see acoustic solo artist David Grimson playing at The Babushka Bar for the night’s entertainment.

The Karova Lounge, meanwhile, will play host to Tasmanian metal band Psycroptic in what will probably turn out to be a full evening of the like. Support acts TBC. Entry: $20 Friday, April 4 th will have the deep thinking acoustic drone rock of Matt Malone ringing through the ears of The Babushka Bar’s patrons. Matt has been on a good run lately, with frequent headliners and support gigs in Melbourne. His song, ‘King Snake’, is a personal favourite of mine. Entry: TBC. The Karova’s line-up is one not to be reckoned with that Friday either, with the popular Bob Log III back to play again.

Supporting him will be Hipster Kill Team. Entry $12.

Saturday, April 5 th will bring the rhythmic Eastern-inspired hymns of Kaisha back to The Babushka Bar. Kaisha has been booked by The Babushka Bar at least three times over the past year and all reports on her music have been positive.

So if you’re after something different to appreciate, get down to Babushka on this night. Entry: TBC. The Karova Lounge that night will have psychedelic rockers King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, who’ve quickly carved a name for themselves in rock with their old-school sounds and style. Playing alongside them is popular blues Melbournites Chris Russell’s Chicken Walk, who have never failed to impress the times I’ve seen them. Entry $15.

Thursday, April 10 th has The Karova Lounge the only venue with a declared booking for the time being, with The Savages headlining. Supporting them will be All We Need and The Shorts. Entry: $6.

Friday, April 11th has The Babushka Bar holding a CD launch for Daniel Champagne. Daniel Champagne has wowed audiences with his guitar skills and played along multiple greats in the Australian music industry. Entry: $10 At The Karova Lounge they’ve got Left For Wolves playing for their audience that night. Support by Eyes Wide Open, Shallow Grave and A Call to Anguish. Entry: $10.

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Saturday, April 12 th has The Babushka Lounge hosting Geelong artist Rach Brennan and Melbourne artist Anna Smyrk. Over at The Karova Lounge, they have party-throwers and hip-shakers Bad News Toilet deejaying their party butts off. Supporting these guys will be The Pretty Littles and The Corsairs ... and also probably you, if you can get to it.

Tickets: $10 pre/$12 door.

Sunday, April 13 th has The Babushka Bar hosting their 7 th Mini Day Out. Bookings are unconfirmed as yet but these Sunday Fundays have become quite an event to look forward to, with many awesome acts having already played. For example, Visnja, ALEK, Shaun Kirk and many, many other talented individuals have given up their time to support this local small business that supports its community, artists and music.

Last but not least of the confirmed bookings ’til the next issue is The Karova Lounge hosting the Yacht Club DJs, GodWolf and Savannah Riot on Thursday, April 17 th – the day of the next Forte release. Entry: $15. ’Til next time…

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Steve Thew

FREE CLASSIFIEDS

Bouncing across blues, folk and rock as he sings stories of journeys, hope, adventure and survival, Steve Thew grew up on the sounds of Hendrix, Clapton and Page. Unsurprisingly, he soon had a guitar in hand. Banjo followed later, and now Steve has a gig calendar that gets a little fuller every day.

SEND YOUR INFO TO: editorial@fortemag.com.au or p.o. box 1388, geelong 3220 or fax 5229 0318 INDIVIDUAL USE ONLY, NOT FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.

Heavy metal/ death metal vocalist & lyricist looking to join a band. Have original material ready to go. 0432959094

Hey Steve, thanks for taking the time to talk to Forte Magazine. What has been going on for you lately?

Thanks for the opportunity to tell you a bit about myself and the music I am involved with. Lately, over the past six months, I have been busy playing at gigs at various venues and festivals around Geelong, the Surf Coast, Melbourne and throughout Victoria and NSW, including Festival of Sails, Festival of the Falling Leaf, AJ’s Café and Terrace, Hotel Nicholas, Bridge Road Brewers, Aireys Inlet Open Mic Festival, Saints and Sailors and Irish Murphy’s.

You’re a musician from Geelong. Can you tell us a bit about your background in music?

I have always had a background in music. Both my grandmother and mother were musicians and music teachers and I was always surrounded by instruments as a kid. I have been playing all sorts of genres from rock to pop to blues and folk. I have also learnt keyboards and the harmonica, which I add to my live gigs.

You are a singer, guitar player and you also play the banjo. Tell us about how a love for all three developed.

I was given a guitar as a kid of 12 and grew up with the likes of Hendrix, Clapton and Jimmy Page and just wanted to play the guitar and sing. Later I learnt the banjo during the folk and blues years. I have been in bands since I was 16, playing lead and rhythm guitar. It’s really only in the last eight years that I have refined a solo career. Lately I have been listening to Joe Bonamassa (love this guy from New York) and local legends, Jimi Hocking and Geoff Achison.

How would you describe your sound?

My sound is “Indi” with a hint of humour. People have said that they enjoy the big variation of songs in my sets, from blues to soft rock to folk to Indi.

You have an ambitious plan for 2014, which includes doing a lot of gigs. Tell us about your plans for the year ahead.

I am basically proposing to pay 100 gigs by this time next year – from all accounts I am on track. I want to play festivals, venues, pubs, cafés, radio stations or anywhere that I can get my music heard. There is also a possibility of a lead in a musical production (yet to be announced).

Do you have any releases out to date?

Released CD – I Am What I Am (eight tracks). Blues, folk and tunes about the Geelong region and beyond.

What are some of your favourite venues to play in and

When&Where: Unwined Cellar Bar, Geelong – April 25; Saints and Sailors, Portarlington – May 9; and Port Pier Café, Portarlington – June 7.

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around Geelong?

Favourite venues are Saints and Sailors (Portarlington), Irish Murphy’s (Geelong) Beav’s Bar (Geelong), The Dive Bar (Geelong), Café Zero (Drysdale), Jack and Jill (Geelong) and Port Pier Café (Portarlington).

You recently performed at the Aireys Inlet Open Mic. How did you find the festival?

Aireys Inlet Open Mic opened up a lot of doors for me personally. Marty Maher does an amazing job down there.

I have played there three years in a row and it enabled me to network with people from The Voice and Australian Idol.

Audiences are great and really receptive, especially the young performers How do you find live audiences in and around the Geelong region at the moment?

Live audiences around Geelong are varying in age and are the best to play to. I take a lot of interest in the local music scene, especially the likes of Kyle Taylor, Famous Will, Rachel Brennan, Michael Stangel [and] Jill Meehan.

There is a huge amount of talent here in Geelong.

What can people expect when they come to see you live?

My live music gigs always offer the punter something to remember. Most of my sets are originals with a few covers tossed in. There is a small amount of old, and a lot of new songs.

Anything you would like to add?

Over the past years I have had a lot of interest about my song about Molly Meldrum. It was written as a tribute to the great man of Australian music. He has heard the song and mentioned that he appreciated the fact somebody had written a song about him. My music has been played on the ABC (Bendigo), The Pulse Radio (Geelong), Musik Cube – Robbie Carroll and over the web on radio stations in England (community radio), America (Folk Alley), Canada and Alaska. Also, my song about the Ghost of Irish Murphy’s, ‘Girl at the End of the Bar’, is also a favourite of audiences. Any other details can be found on my website: stevethew.com.au. Please come and say hello.

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Looking for talented singers, male and female, who would like to collaborate and record on a project for submission to labels.

We are coming close to completion of the 31 track demo and are looking for people who can sing (all styles) to contribute to certain tracks, please don’t hesitate to call for more information. Call Matt on 0468632012 Drummer Available Geelong. 20 years + live experience to play in a working/ near working band. I have pro equipment & transport. Can play a range of styles from Rock, Blues, Jazz & Funk.

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rock band around Ballarat. Influences include NOFX, The Offspring, Millencolin and AC/DC. If you enjoy jumping around and making noise phone 0417566478 Lead Guitarist with Vocal Ability wanted for a 70’s/80’s Cover Band.

Age: 30 -35++. must be reliable. Gigs waiting. Contact Phil: 0410465634 or 0352758691 Guitarist & Keyboard Player Wanted for pop/ rock originals band. Looking for experienced musicians who can also sing harmonies, are easygoing and reliable. Contact Phil 0421 901 530 www. zeffamusic.com 30ish year old trumpet player, looking to form or play in jazz group.

Ballarat area. Contact Mel 0435360076 19yo Male singer looking for funk/ rock musicians: Want similar aged guys who like Led Zeppelin, Hendrix, Beatles, and ANYTHING funky bass! i love ANY music prior to 1950s all the way back to classical and beyond! I also play trumpet, Contact Sam 0407347444

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Bad News Toilet written by Xavier Fennell

Once in a while there will appear a person with the ability to produce an atmosphere and excitement that results, more often than not, in a kick-ass party. It appears that Bryce Spratling, aka Bad News Toilet, has that ability. Wielding an arsenal of classic mash-ups and a drunken stagehand and a big ol’ pile of costumes, Bad News Toilet tears apart clubs in a messy whirlwind of hilarity.

Hailing from the golden town of Ballarat and picked from the mixed bag of talent that is Karova Lounge, Bad News Toilet is slowly leaving a trail of beersoaked costumes throughout venues, and will soon be leaving his mark on Ballarat and Bendigo. I managed to catch Bryce mid-internet-breakdown for a chat about all the fun he’s been having.

There’s always an element of danger whenever alcohol is combined with any sort of coordinated movements; trying to get drunken people in and out of costumes whilst deejaying almost guarantees people, drinks and equipment ending up all over the floor.

The main facet of Bryce’s sets involves coordinating costumes with relating song mash-ups. Due to the difficult nature of this task, stagehand Sam joined Bad News Toilet. “I did my first gig at Karova and I needed someone to help me get people out of the crowd, so my cousin said he would help. People kind of get the idea that they can just jump up on stage while a costume change is happening, and it’s kinda difficult ’cos you don’t wanna be a jerk and tell people to get off. Sam has a full-on costume now that seems to help people realise what is actually happening, and they seem to cooperate more now.”

As happens, Bryce’s talents are not limited to convincing people to dress up and dance on stage; film and photography also seem to tickle his fancy.

Bryce’s combined interests have led to him being a main facilitator in the making of a full-length film documenting the Ballarat music scene. With the 10 th birthday of Karova Lounge looming, to tribute the music scene he has grown with seems just as important as any other facet of life.

“Karova Lounge is great, it’s like the only place in Ballarat that allows

for different genres and lets people experiment a bit. That’s where all the like-minded people meet and start bands and stuff. The film has been put on a bit of a hiatus at the moment. I’m trying to find another film dude to help out but with all the Bad News Toilet stuff goin’ on I’m pretty busy, but it should be back

on again shortly and we can finish it.

Definitely trying to get that out really soon to represent that Karova’s been around for 10 years.”

Grounds’ frontman Michael Belsar, while Gaz is a proud member of the indie punk act Rick Moranis Overdrive and the bluesinspired band Them 9’s. It seems like the former goldfields of Victoria have become a hot bed of band swapping. “I’ve been a part of half a dozen bands in the last six years and I think that’s helped us come up

with a really eclectic collection of music.”

It’s no secret that Ballarat has the substance to produce talent and enthusiasm such as Bryce’s, spreading creative new musical projects across

Australia and the world. Bryce’s next costume-laden adventure is set to be one of his biggest yet, so don’t miss out.

WHEN&WHERE: The Karova, Ballarat – April 12 & Star Bar, Bendigo – April 17

Yacht Club DJs written by Natalie Rogers

Forte’s favourite mad men of mixtapes have done it again! Their fifth instalment of mash-up madness, Oddity Number 5, is out now for your listening pleasure. Like the others, it’s available for free online – and has already been touted as their best yet. So to celebrate Gaz and Guy have enlisted the help of a few rising stars to launch Oddity Number 5 to infinity and beyond. “We think it’s great music – and we’re our own worse critics, so hopefully people dig it!” Gaz confessed. “These shows we’re planning will be a lot of fun.”

Warming up the crowd on Yacht Club’s home turf, Ballarat’s Karova Lounge, will be Melbourne duo GodWolf – a band that I believe, after this kind of exposure, will be noticed for all the right reasons. “I’ve not seen them live yet but from what I’ve heard they’re unreal! We’ve been very lucky in the past when it comes to picking the right support acts. The guys from I OH YOU [independent Aussie record label] called us the best PR firm in the country because every band we take on tour blows up!” he laughed.

“The first band we ever took on tour was DZ Deathrays – they’re ARIA winners these days! Then we took Bleeding Knees Club, and they got massive too!

“Also, at the Sydney and Melbourne shows, we’re doing stuff with hip hop artist Remi. We’re really excited about that – I want to write music with him so bad. He’s been on my radar for a long time, so hopefully we get along. Maybe we’ll have a few brewskies … but not too many,” Gaz promised.

Speaking of writing new music, the guys also revealed that they’ve been busy working away on Yacht Club’s greatest challenge yet – an EP of entirely original music. “It’s been the most fun and yet the most shocking experience of my life. I’ve never worked so hard on anything! We’ve always wanted to play our own music but the timing never felt right.

“Guy and I have been writing music for a lot longer than we’ve been in Yacht Club DJs and we’ve both been in different bands for what feels like forever.

So it’s a relief to be finally doing original stuff as part of Yacht Club.”

Guy is one half of Twinsy, the “electronic lovechild” he shares with Hunting

As with the mixtapes we’ve come to know and love, expect the unexpected. “It’s all over the place,” Gaz said enthusiastically.

“From German techno to Aussie hip hop, no genre is off-limits. The first single is an indie dance tune called ‘Undertow’.

We plan on releasing a series of EPs,

hopefully leading up to an album. We’ve just decided to go for it. Lots of the new stuff will be included in these run of shows.” Bring it on!

When&Where: The Karova, Ballarat – April 17

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard writen by zach broadhurst

On the back of the release of their fourth album Oddments, local psychedelic rock legends King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard are off around the country.

Kicking off with the WA leg of the tour, the tour winds its way around Australia before a couple of regional dates in Castlemaine, Ballarat and Geelong. A day or two before the tour kicked off, I got the opportunity to sit down with Stu Mackenzie from the band to chat about their rise to fame.

As any touring band would be, Stu is excited as we chat about the past couple of months of King Gizz. With extremely positive feedback from all around the world, it is interesting to hear that the process that the band took was completely different to anything that they had done before.

“With Oddments, we recorded each track separately as opposed to a couple of big recording sessions, and we would usually finish a track within a day or two.

With the exception of Sleepwalker, most of the album was recorded by just one or two members of the band and I think the process this time around was a lot less stressful because we took up shop in bedrooms in people’s houses. It was really fun doing it this way because there were no time restrictions on the creative process,” Mackenzie said.

The catalyst behind piecing together Oddments was, to an extent, taking songs that the band had written for previous releases that never saw the light of day and giving them a voice on the new album, courtesy of some re-recording. Together with this new process comes a new sound than what we have heard on the likes of 12 Bar Bruise and Float Along – Fill Your Lungs. “I think these songs are lot more refined and relaxed than what we have done before; it’s kind of like a bunch of warped and bent pop songs. They still have the sixties vibe to them, but it’s definitely the most chilled out record we have ever done.”

One of the main influences on the band is the Brian Jonestown Massacre, one of the biggest psych rock bands of the last twenty years – and King Gizz are playing alongside them at Austin Psych Fest on their first American tour kicking off in May,

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When&Where: The Bridge, Castlemaine – April 4; The Karova, Ballarat – April 5; and The Barwon Club, Geelong – April 6 which as you would expect is incredibly exciting.

“It’s amazing that we have been added to that bill because I have wanted to go for years.

It’s pretty flattering that we have got the call up to play. We have an American tour lined up around that festival appearance, and hopefully Europe later in the year. It’s pretty simple really

– you just write music and then play some shows. Psych Fest is our first show in America but it’s the one that I am most excited about playing. There are some really great bands on that line-up and I can’t wait to get amongst it.”

If you haven’t had the opportunity to see King Gizzard yet, you must do all that you can to catch their April 12th afternoon show at the

Barwon Club, because it may be a while before they are headed back down this way.

“Playing in Geelong is great because it is definitely our spiritual home and we haven’t played there in so long. Expect to hear all your favourites as well as some new stuff off the next record, which we are working on at the moment.”

The Casualties, Black Flag and Boysetsfire taking part in recent years, you gotta wonder what’s going on. Is punk rock REALLY that uninteresting to the general population?

Hmmm... It saddens me to think that such a vibrant, passionate, inspirational genre is failing to reach new ears, hearts and minds.

That said, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. If kids actually WANT to listen to Justin Beaver and One Abortion, well, we’ve failed them, haven’t we?

written by chris cruz

While Australia certainly isn’t LACKING in festivals, it does seem that we’ll never get to experience the ginormous multi-day festivals Europeans take for granted every summer. The Reading and Leeds festivals in the UK are beyond ridiculous, as you probably know from reading English language music magazines, but another festival with a similar set up (two cities at the same time; shared line-up over several days) is Germany’s Rock am Ring and Rock im Park, taking place in Nurnberg and Nuremberg this June.

Metallica, Kings of Leon, Nine Inch Nails, Linkin Park, Opeth, Fall Out Boy, Slayer, Queens of the Stone Age, The Offspring, Suicide Silence, Babyshambles, Against Me!, Quicksand, Maximo Park, Boysetsfire, Iron Maiden and Anthrax are amongst the confirmed acts taking part, with the interesting inclusion of Aussie metal/alternative act Karnivool. Like Soundwave here in Australia, the bill is dominated by metal and nostalgia acts, but that seems to be what audiences want these days.

Could there ever be a punk rock dominated equivalent? Probably not. And if you think that there COULD, I would question your definition of the term “punk”. The Vans Warped Tour failed BIG TIME here late last year with an emo/screamo/metalcore/indie-slashhipster pop-punk dominated line-up that many people thought was punk.

Fail.

Dischord Records have just released the first demo by the Henry Garfield (Rollins) fronted DC hardcore punk pioneers State of Alert, recorded all the way back in 1980. Nice! Get on over to the Dischord website and snap yours up NOW! Dear AFI, please have several seats. Davey and Jade in particular. Yet ANOTHER side project of theirs has emerged, and this one is a straight edge hardcore band called XTRMST. I’m not sure I buy Davey’s tough guy posturing, but one positive thing I CAN say about this project is that it has the sort of energy and spirit that has been missing from AFI albums for more than a decade. If the guys were able to take elements from all their projects and combine them, AFI would be unstoppable as opposed to unfocused. But hey, that’s just my opinion. You’re more than welcome to have one of your own.

Meet you back here next time, kids – same Bat time, same Bat channel!

Le Monde Entier - T r av e l Colu m n written by Madelin Baldwin

When I was on my last legs in London – no job, no money and a return ticket dated only a few days away – I was desperate to stay in my new home country.

I wasn’t done with the UK and really wasn’t ready to go back to Australia, so I started applying for jobs on Gumtree. Luckily I got a job interview for a job in Paris!

It sounded amazing, and slightly too good to be true, and my aunty who I was living with at the time was a bit sceptical about it, but I went to the interview anyway.

I found out I could work in France because I was being hired and paid through a UK recruitment company.

The job was 45 minutes out of Paris in a town called Fontaine-le-Port and was basically a cleaning role in a chateau for six weeks – and I was given cash to leave on the weekends and stay in Paris! Oh, and the pay was double what I was currently able to earn in a bar job in London – and no, it wasn’t too good to be true!

So I packed my bag, caught the Eurail (which they also paid for) and made my way there. It took a couple of changing trains and a hike up a massive amount of steps up the side of a hill once I’d arrived, but I quickly settled into my new room which was on the top floor of one of the buildings.

If you’re anything like me you probably thought a chateau was one ‘building’, but this place was a village.

Owned by the Sultan of Oman, it employed 40 full-time French staff and a rotating roster of around 10 Aussies plus Kiwis (because we “worked the hardest”). And the kicker? No one lived there (apart from us). No one visited there. The last time the sultan was there was four years ago. But I guess that’s one of the benefits of being one of the most obscenely rich men in the world: employing people to clean and run a mini village, for no apparent reason. Because that’s all we did! Every morning started with breakfast in our common room and then straight into our morning jobs. Then, we had a manager who delegated the jobs for the day.

But an ACTUAL punk bill, with AMAZING punk bands, would still struggle to pull more than a few thousand punters in each city. Hits & Pits is a perfect example: amazing line-ups, yet barely selling out venues as small as The Palace Theatre last year and the Hi-Fi Bar this year. With bands as epic as Unwritten Law,

On Mondays for example, we cleaned one of the levels of the building we lived in. Every level had about 40 rooms, and every room had two beds and a bathroom.

BLUES NEWS Presented by The Sleepy Hollow Blues Club written by John (Dr John) Lamp

Wow! Last weekend’s Sleepy Hollow double header was bigger than the proverbial BenHur! The double header was unusual for the Club, but may well get a rerun, given the interest. The event turned out to be standing room only right from Chubby Rae and the Elevators kicking off, through to Sweet Felicia and the Honeytones winding up.

Many of the older of the fraternity did not come to blues music because of an interest in musical history, but because there were high profile musicians playing it during their youth, and making the charts.

Now, TFN have been nominated for a Revolver Golden God award for Best New Talent.

They’re up against Deafheaven, Scar the Martyr, Crosses, Heaven’s Basement and Issues (Issues being a band name, not a Korn album, I presume). Looking at that list it’s kinda hard to predict who the winner will be because, well, I’ve only heard half of them.

In the late 1960s and 1970s there was a who’s who of Australian popular music who owed their success to blues. Many of these players are still here and still playing. Some names from back in those days include Doug Parkinson, Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs, Russell Morris, Daddy Cool, Blackfeather, Wendy Saddington & Copperwine, Chain, Renée Geyer, Spectrum, Captain Matchbox Whoopee Band, Matt Taylor, and the like. A couple of years ago a double CD of material from this time was released under the title Boogie and it can still be found in shops or on the old faithful eBay. Today there are just as many young bands making a name for themselves, and their fans are probably none the wiser about the bands’ blues heritage than I was when I first came across this music.

Ash Grunwald is an example who always pulls a crowd. Blue Eyes Cry is another example,

and they will be playing at Sleepy Hollow on April 27th. Other bands include Catfish Voodoo, Dallas Frasca, Dreamboogie, John-Luke Shelley and High Speed Steel, Josh Rawiri, Luke Watt, Mia Dyson, Mojo Corner, and the list goes on.

Josh Rawiri and Dallas Frasca often play mainstream venues such as the Barwon Club, as well as blues venues. Dallas has recently returned from a big overseas tour, playing to huge crowds. I’ll bet many who have heard these people at mainstream venues had no idea they were getting into blues.

There’s one local youngster I’d like to mention, and that’s Alister Turrill. I first came across him in 2012 at the Apollo Bay Music Festival in their talent competition and I immediately knew this was an amazing sound. In 2013 he was in a main venue at Apollo Bay, and he’s got a CD out and is regularly gigging around, including on the Blues Train. He has a great sound, and draws a big crowd.

Next time you see Alister, or one of the other bands mentioned above, come along and check them out. It’s young people’s music, too.

Once we went and stayed in a tent in one of their backyards, and when we stayed in Fontaine-le-Port we caught up at the local pub with them. I got to know the metro lines in Paris, which Indian restaurants allowed BYO, the best flea markets to buy vintage Parisian dresses, and of course better my language skills.

So if you are looking for something a little different, out of the norm (and probably your comfort zone) and don’t mind cleaning a toilet, look them up on your next adventure over to Europe!

written by PAUL S TAYLOR

Twelve Foot Ninja (TFN) has been somewhat of a case study for THTH of late. There was that time they crowdsourced a bunch of money for a video clip; then there was that time they released that video clip – both instances put under the microscope, loosely, as the new technological fashion to gain fans, respect and ultimately tours or cold hard cash.

Blues has been around for a long time, and is one of the lasting genres of popular music, along with jazz. Because of that, it is often portrayed as “old peoples’ music”. Nothing could be further from the truth.

On weekends no one was to stay at the chateau so they gave us cash to leave. We also got to drink wine on the Friday afternoon before we left, while we cleaned our rooms. Sometimes we stayed in Paris; sometimes we stayed in another little village named Fontainebleau. We stayed in Etaps, which are the most basic of hotels, and partied. As well as the Aussies, there were some French guys as well who lived in the area and did this as a summer job every year, so all knew each other.

TOO HEAVY TO HUG Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal.

Speaking of Felicia, she ran into some financial trouble while touring in Europe last year and it looked like she’d be forced to sell her 1972 Fender bass, signed by B. B. King, and played by her since 1979. The Australian blues community rallied and donated so that the bass was redeemed and is still being played by her.

A truly wonderful gesture of admiration for a great artist.

We stripped every bed, put on fresh linen, wiped the walls, floors, bathrooms – everything. No one had ever slept in them, or been in since the prior Monday.

How bizarre is that? Lunch was cooked for us by a team – French cheeses, a different menu every day, freshly baked bread. We got everything.

Scar the Martyr will be favourites because of the Joey Jordison factor, but Deafheaven could swoop in and take the gong because for all of last year they went pretty much unmentioned until it came time for everyone to cobble their Top 5’s of 2013 and to everyone’s surprise, Deafheaven made those lists – probably because some kid at Pitchfork heard it once by chance while on acid then couldn’t get it out of his head on the come down so figured it was a pretty sweet album. Well, it wasn’t; it was boring as bat shit.

But no, everyone else who deep down wanted to be as hipster as that very hipster kid gone done put Deafheaven in their lists too. I don’t know if that’s the case or not but hey, why let the truth get in the way of a good rant?!

As for Crosses, Heaven’s Basement and Issues, I’m not even going to give either band a Google hit by searching them until I get one of their albums sent to me like in the olden days – which actually aren’t that olden but that’s how it was done. We’d receive physical CDs with physical press

releases and we’d take those physical CDs home and play them on physical CDs players while holding the physical press release and reading it while listening to the physical CD play. Again, I haven’t actually looked to see if we here at Forte have received albums from said bands, but why let rummaging through piles of CDs get in the way of a good rant?!

The Golden Gods have also been put under the same loose microscope by THTH due to it just being a popularity contest voted for by emo teens in their mom’s basement. You too can jump on board and vote for TFN via golden gods 2014 dot com before Friday, April 4. The Golden Gods awards show will be held in Los Angeles on April 23. Fingers crossed it’ll be broadcast via Microsoft’s Xbox servers again for us all to watch.

Lastly, as you may have heard, Gwar frontman and founder Dave Brockie, aka Oderus Urungus, passed away at the age of 50. RIP. In other news…

Killswitch Engage will play the Palace on Sunday, April 13.

If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug

twelve foot ninja

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GINA LIANO

i n s i de SPLIN T E R S p re s e n t s . . .

The only Real Melbourne Housewife worth watching. Self-proclaimed biological woman who identifies with drag queens and is also a barrister – what exactly is there not to love about this goddess?

KISS ME ONCE • u n der

HIT

K YLI E M IN O G U E ’ S

GAGA’S ‘G.U.Y.’ VIDEO A return to form, regardless of what the naysayers would have you believe.

BIANCA DEL RIO

Easily the best Queen on RuPaul’s Drag Race this season and possibly ever. Her running commentary on the show is almost better than the show itself.

re v i ew •

Written by Adem Ali

Enrique Iglesias duet ‘Beautiful’ which seem like undercooked after-thoughts.

Not all of Kiss Me Once plays like the rubbish bin of sounds experienced in the previously mentioned tracks, with the Tom Aspaul cover and MNEK produced ‘Feels So Good’ serving as the best moment here. The track is a luscious excursion into dreamy electropop and makes you wonder what a completely-produced-byMNEK album from Kylie would sound like (it would sound Fucking Fantastic, that’s how it would sound).

Seemingly, ‘Into the Blue’ was a smart choice as first single, especially when listening to it in context with the rest of the album. It’s turned into quite the grower and gives us the Classic Kylie chorus we so richly deserve; a chorus that Kiss Me Once is, for the most part, severely lacking in.

Gays and their enablers alike rejoiced earlier this month when Dame Kylie of Minogue released her twelfth studio album, Kiss Me Once. The record marks the first featurelength release from Minogue under her new management team, which just so happens to be helmed by Jay-Z, placing her under the extensive Roc Nation umbrella and, theoretically, opening more doors for her in the US than she could possibly dream of …

Theoretically.

The problem with Kiss Me Once is that it works almost as a double-edged sword, particularly when you take Kylie’s persistence when it comes to cracking the American market. On one hand, a lot of these songs are so dated, dire and bland that it’s hard to imagine the US buying into any of it; yet on the other, this is exactly the kind of dated, dire and bland shit that charts quite well in the United States. So, should Kyle’s choose to try cracking that market once more, she could very well be on to a commercial winner.

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With all of that said, there are some truly great moments to be heard on Kiss Me Once. It’s just a shame that those great moments only make up a small portion of this over-stuffed record. If the saying “you’re only as good as your last album” were to be applied to Kylie and Kiss Me Once, it’s a given that 2010’s mainly Stuart Price affair Aphrodite was the superior release. Something has been ‘lost in translation’ with this Roc Nation relationship.

It feels as though certain parts of Kylie we’ve all come to love over the decades have been eradicated, whilst other parts seem overtly exploited, so much so they don’t feel like Kylie at all. The boring-as-all-fuck ‘Sexercize’ was written by Sia and drips along with a dated dubstep backdrop and lyrics that make you blush – with embarrassment – and is about as sexy as plunging a power drill into your temple. ‘Mr President’ follows a similar style and, because of this, sounds like a soulless, random pop song that could have been anybody’s – back in 2012, whereas ‘Sexy Love’ sounds like something that was left off 2001’s Fever LP – and with good reason, because it’s Trash! Then there’s heavily-vocodered moments like ‘Fine’ and the

The list of producers on this album should have assured us a truly exquisite return to form for Kylie: Sia Furler, Pharrell Williams, Greg Kurstin, Cutfather, Daniel Davidsen, Mike Del Rio, GoodWill & MGI, Chris Loco, Mark Taylor, MNEK, The Monsters and The Strangerz, Justin Raisen, Ariel Rechtshaid, Jesse Shatkin, Thomas Olsen, Peter Wade, Joshua “JD” Walker and Peter Wallevik – all fairly prominent names in the pop world. So how, then, between 20 producers, did Kiss Me Once go so diabolically off track? Is the involvement of Roc Nation – who have no real understanding of Kylie’s true legacy – cause for concern? Or is the simple fact that there really was one too many cooks in Kylie’s proverbial kitchen as this was being concocted?

Kiss Me Once isn’t a terrible album, but it isn’t one of Kylie’s best either. And how she expects to translate some of these songs into a tour is beyond me; some of these tracks don’t sound like the kind of songs you want to hear period, much less live in concert. That in itself will be quite a task.

This is probably a three stars out of five album, but I’m inclined to give it two and a half stars out of five just because it’s Kylie and we all expect a lot better from her.

The only Real Melbourne Housewife worth deleting from all of our collective memories. Just No, honey. And her actually releasing a book on how to be a mummy for the 1 per cent? BYE, BITCH.

SHIT!

‘If Only’ - the other complete gem here – also follows a similar style-pattern of ‘Feels So Good’, throwing in the most scenic chorus on the entire record as Kylie wistfully croons away.

The Pharrell Williams-penned ‘I Was Gonna Cancel’ is also great, if not a little predictable a sound to come from Pharrell, whilst ‘Million Miles’ and the title track ‘Kiss Me Once’ almost see Minogue channel Classic Kylie but, sadly, just falls short, particularly in ‘Million Miles’ which boasts a chorus that isn’t as flashy as its verses, a problem that extends itself into another song on the album, fan-favourite ‘Les Sex’, which has all the makings of a truly iconic brick in her discography – if only it weren’t for that awful chorus.

ANDREA MOSS

KATY PERRY’S PRISMATIC WORLD TOUR

Look, I’m sure you’re all going to have a ball at one of the eight Melbourne shows of this you’re going to, but just remember that this essentially turns Katy Perry into Australia’s newest answer to P!NK – and nobody got time for that shit.

LAGANJA ESTRANJA Reality TV’s biggest cry-baby?

tweet of the week

“ You should write ‘A heavy-on-filler album with two decent tracks, but at least she looks pretty’ in REALLY big letters.”

The consistently hilarious @jordaniqua on Twitter last week after I asked my followers how I should construct this fortnight’s column on the (somewhat underwhelming) brand new Kylie Minogue album.

arts news from around town – and beyond!

GENIUS & AMBITION: The Royal Academy of Arts, London 1768-1918 Some of the finest examples of British art will travel to Australia for the first time in March 2014.

Close to 100 works from the Royal Academy of Arts, London, featuring revered works

by J.M. W. Turner, Thomas Gainsborough, John Constable, John Singer Sargent, Henry Fuseli, John Everett Millais, John William Waterhouse and Sir Joshua Reynolds will be showcased.

The Royal Academy of Arts was considered the primary art institution and the leading venue for the study and display of art in Great Britain and Europe until at least the beginning of the 20th century. As such, for ambitious Australian artists, exhibiting at the Royal Academy was considered paramount for developing reputation and renown. To complement the works on loan from the RA, 30 significant works by Australian artists such as Nicholas Chevalier, Tom Roberts, John Longstaff, Rupert Bunny, Arthur Streeton, E Phillips Fox, Margaret Preston, Agnes Goodsir and William Dobell who were educated, then exhibited and subsequently gained reputation through the RA have been included.

The exhibition will draw on the wealth of the Royal Academy collections ranging from paintings and sculpture to works on paper and historic books. Australian works drawn from collections across State galleries in Australia will sit alongside these masterpieces.

The Royal Academy has existed for 245 years and this exhibition will focus on a key period in the institutions history, the ‘long 19th century’ from 1768 to 1918.

ARTS & CRAFTS at Wholefoods Café The café now has a dedicated art and craft space.

Classes are based on the handmade, recycled and the more tactile methods of making art & craft. It really is all about art & craft that satisfies the soul......a wonderful space where you can make a connection with like minded creatives. Now with the addition of a Kids Art Club, Clay classes and Adult Life Drawing it’s a great place to be if you are, or want to become more arty and crafty!.

Short Courses include: 1. Basic Sewing. 2.

Recycled Jewellery. 3. Clay & Recycled Sculpture. 4. Basket Weaving. 5. Wet Felting. 6. Life Drawing. 7. Kids Art Club. 8. Kids Pottery- Play with Clay.

Diversitat also run a Women’s Craft Circle... escape and make craft.. find the extraordinary in the ordinary at the Diversitat’s Women’s Craft Circle. Add some colour and conversations to your Saturday’s, come and meet other vibrant and crafty women. The Women’s Craft Circle is about handmade arts and crafts, it’s about conversations, friendships and it’s about culture and keeping it alive. We support inclusion, diversity and recycling. It’s free with some specialist workshops at a minimal cost, so we rely on donations to keep the program running.

The group meets every Saturday afternoon at Wholefoods located at 2 Baylie Place, Geelong, from 1pm-3pm. All women are welcome. There is no membership fee and all regular workshops are free. Specialist monthly workshops require a $15 payment. Many of the handmade items from Craft Circle are available for sale at Wholefoods Wholefoods Cafe 2 Baylie Place, Geelong (Off Lt Ryrie St Car park).

WHERE: Wholefoods Café. 2 Baylie Place, Geelong.

WHEN: Starts 21 April.

INFO: www.diversitat.org.au

WHEN: Until 9 June.

INFO: www.royalacademybendigo.com

Hermannsburg Potters are renowned for their unique, hand-built terracotta lidded pots, and the works in Colours of Country are meticulously decorated with landscapes and the flora and fauna of central Australia.

Aboriginal women artists of Tjanpi Desert Weavers (from the Ngaanyatjarra, Pitjantjatjara and Yankunytjatjara Lands) come together on country from remote communities in the western and central Australian deserts to collect grass, sculpt and weave, sing and dance and keep culture strong. The artists create intricate, whimsical woven sculptures of local fauna that beautifully complement the Hermannsburg paintings and ceramics in this exhibition.

WHERE: Metropolis Gallery. Ryrie St, Geelong.

WHEN: Until 12 April.

INFO: www.metropolisgallery.com.au

written by Amanda Sherring

After travelling the world, Kirsty Mac has come back to her hometown of Geelong for her new show Feminazi, which performs at GAPA (The Studio) as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.

Kirsty first left Geelong when she was 18 but has since toured around Canada and the UK – and become a fully qualified dog trainer. Feminazi is a project Kirsty has worked on and nurtured for the last several years, waiting for the moment when she was happy to share it with the world.

“It’s taken me a long time to polish my show and get it to the point where I’m ready to do the world,” Kirsty says.

With such a strongly-themed show, you’d be right in thinking it was spurred on by a particular event. After living in London, Kirsty was accustomed to being treated equally; that was until she came back home and realised how different things were in Australia.

“I came back and it hit me in the face like a brick with how we speak to women,” she says.

Part of being a great comedian is not being worried about whether people find your jokes hilarious, and then how to overcome that if it does arise.

Quite the opposite actually, as Kirsty’s humour has received oodles of praise and is bound to get you laughing.

PHONE: 5434 6088.

An exhibition of paintings by Hermannsburg Watercolour Artists, unique ceramics

by Hermannsburg Potters together with quirky animal sculptures by Tjanpi Desert Weavers (from the NPY Lands). These artworks are inspired by landscapes that the artists know intimately, from remote locations to iconic views of the Western MacDonnell Ranges and the flora and fauna found there, locating the artists in a continuity of ancestral connections to country. Many of the current generation Hermannsburg Watercolour Artists are descendents of Albert Namatjira and his contemporaries and include Douglas Kwarlpe Abbott, Kevin Namatjira, Lenie Namatjira, Gloria Pannka, Peter Tjutjatja Taylor, Elton Wirri and Kevin Wirri.

Kirsty Mac

While she touches on some serious subjects, Kirsty is all about making it humorous and is by no means going to lecture you for an hour.

WHERE: Bendigo Art Gallery.

42 View Street, Bendigo.

COLOURS OF COUNTRY

Funny Lady:

AMADEUS written by Peter Shaffer, directed

by Jacqui Connor.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is a genius, but the eighteenth century court of Austria doesn’t recognise his talents.

Only Antonio Salieri, the Court Composer does and he is tortured by what he hears. Seething with

rage at the genius of this flippant buffoon, and confronted by his own mediocrity, Salieri sets out to destroy Mozart.

WHERE: Woodbin Theatre. 15 Coronation Street, Geelong West.

WHEN: 25 April–10 May. INFO: www. gpac.org.au TIX: 5225 1200.

WHERE: Fairhaven Surf Life Saving Club, Aireys Inlet, Great Ocean Road.

WHEN: Fri 25 April–Sun 27 April.

INFO: www.lighthouse literaryfest.com.au TIX: From Great Escape Books only – call 5289 7052.

Now that Kirsty has her show perfected she’s excited to bring it back to Geelong and to visit the many cafés and bars that have popped up since she’s been gone.

“I guess the best compliment someone can give you is when they say they wished they’d written that joke,” Kirsty says.

“I get a lot of those sorts of comments because I’ve been writing the show for so long.”

“There’s a really good vibe in Geelong at the moment and I think Geelong is really starting to appreciate the arts,” she says.

Though this show happens to be about feminism, Kirsty isn’t all about feminist jokes and has another tour in the works that covers a whole new topic.

And Kirsty places a great deal of emphasis on time, acknowledging that it may take a while to become a great comedian but once you get there, the hard work is over.

“The next show is more observational and just about male and female stuff. Just kind of everyday things that we all do that are kind of different,” Kirsty says.

She’ll also be returning to the silver screen, following her debut when she was younger in a skit on Channel 31, with a secret show planned out for the near future.

“It takes a long time to get all the tools but once you’ve got all the tools you can really write any joke,” Kirsty says.

Kirsty will perform at GAPA (The Sudio, 1/37 Gheringhap St, Geelong) on April 12 with tickets available at comedyfestival.com.au.

THE HARD TIMES DANCE – Peter Webb

LIGHTHOUSE LITERARY FEST “We are very excited about this year’s festival. Once again under the direction of the hugely talented Hannie Rayson, this is a writers festival with a difference. Not only do we have some of Australia’s most highly regarded established and emerging authors, screenwriters and playwrights, intellectuals, thinkers and presenters appearing, but we also have some of Australia’s most well known actors performing pieces from books, film and plays along with beautiful musical accompaniment.”

“People laughing isn’t my biggest concern; it’s having a really great joke that means something,” she says. “And if you can do that the funny will just come out of it. The funny is in the truth.”

Recent figurative works that explore the complexity of the human condition through a vibrant Pop art sensibility. Peter Webb is well-known for his iconic works of art and design for Quicksilver, which revolutionised the surf industry from the mid-1980s. He has exhibited widely in solo and group exhibitions around the world. His work is represented in private and public collections, including the Geelong Gallery. The Geelong region artists program is dedicated to showcasing artists and groups with a local connection.

WHERE: Geelong Gallery. Little Malop Street, Geelong.

WHEN: Until 6 April.

INFO: www.geelonggallery.org.au

RURAL LIFESTYLE EXPO There will be lots to see and do at the Rural Lifestyle Expo. No matter what you’re looking for - whether it be advice, products to help you with an issue on your lifestyle block, even if it’s just to sample some of the local food and wine - you’ll find it at the Expo.

The main categories that the Expo will have Exhibitors for include; • Construction • Farm Animals • Organic / Garden • Government and Advisory • Machinery and Equipment • Sustainability • Plants, Seeds and Pasture • Food & Wine WHERE: Ballarat Showgrounds, Ballarat.

WHEN: 5 April. 9.30am-5pm.

INFO: info@rurallifestyleexpo.org.au

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Rollo Ellis written by Tex Miller

Rollo Ellis has just released his third album entitled Songs From Under the Stares and will be touring the record in support. Admittedly, before the interview I hadn’t heard of Rollo, but from having a chat to him, he has led a rockstar lifestyle. After growing up in Detroit and playing in bands throughout the ’60s and ’70s, Rollo moved out to Australia in the early 2000s after meeting the love of his life.

The new album from Ellis was a while in the making, but finally upon its release Ellis is happy that these ideas have finally made it to record.

“These songs have been kicking around for a while and I tried many different things to finish them, but finally after being put in touch with Luke Tylim, who produced the record, things started coming together,” Ellis said.

Songs From Under the Stares, the third release in a decade, sees a different take, with a full band arrangement this time around. “My first two albums were self-produced and I had to unfortunately resort to drum machines and synthesisers. This album is totally organic and we had a rule going into the recordings – no cut and paste, no sampling, no punch ins, and we stuck to all those rules. You can really hear that in these songs.”

One of the main features of the album is the Tear Drop Tattoo trilogy that tells the story of doing time in jail, and although Ellis has never been to jail, he filled me in on the story. “If you’ve seen those people in the US with those teardrops tattooed to

release: Songs From Under the Stares is out now via independent release their eyes, that means they have done hard time in prison. One tattoo equates to a five-year stint, and that trilogy of songs was inspired by some really deep hard times I was having,” Ellis said.

Having played music in bands for the best part of four decades, Ellis has experienced all facets of the music industry. The reason that Ellis fell into playing music was courtesy of his uncle gifting him an awesome record collection.

family dinner and each week he would bring a vinyl record with him for me. There was a whole stack of different genres and musicians from different periods, but I was really drawn to the rock and roll and blues. I loved Led Zeppelin and The Beatles and I got given 50 albums a year from the time I was seven to 17-years-old. That, combined with an excellent community radio station, led to me picking up the guitar.

“Every Sunday, my uncle would come around for a

“I moved to L.A. for fifteen years and gave up

playing music and turned into the business side of things, before I met the love of my life and moved out here. June 1 marks 11 years I have lived in Australia, and every single moment has been fantastic.”

With plans to take this album on the road all over the country, be sure to check it out when he comes to a town near you. It’s bluesy with a folk rock influence, which presents a true storyteller in his element.

Galtier written by Xavier Fennell

When I first met local DJ/producer Galtier, he immediately struck me as one of those people that was gonna go places no matter what it was he decided to do. With a lust and enthusiasm towards life like no other man I’ve met, Galtier has been prominently producing quality electronic sounds for a solid few years now, all the while studying and regularly deejaying at some of the finest clubs in Melbourne and Geelong. Now with his years of study behind him and the release of a new EP imminent, Galtier sets a slowly building amen break that will drop his music on the world like a ton of bricks.

It seems pretty safe to say that the number of DJs in the world has grown wildly in the past five years; it’s just a damn popular thing to be doing, and I guess girls must really dig it or something. But what’s to say that all these guys are doing the same thing?

Doesn’t it get boring? Galtier aims to challenge that.

“There are a lot of DJs around that are just deejaying and that’s cool, but I would always encourage someone to do what I’ve been trying to do and create something of their own and develop their own style. I like to be able to push myself to creating something that I think is new and exciting.

“I started deejaying about seven years ago, and now with producing I’m able to build a set based around a style, sound and music that I’ve created on my own. It’s great to be able to release EPs and share what you’re creating with the world.”

Like Kel Knight is a purveyor of fine meats, Galtier is

WHEN&WHERE: Supporting Mosca at Brown Alley - April 4 RELEASE: Maintain EP coming soon

a purveyor and collector of fine tunes. You only have to make a slight mention of vinyl or sludge/stoner metal (two of his favourite things) to begin an indepth and invigorating conversation that could last hours. Galtier explained his love for vinyl collecting and his widely varying taste in music. “…Man, I love vinyl. Records just have such a feeling of quality to them and there’s no compression like in mp3 files; it’s just a fuller sound. The thing about deejaying vinyl is that it’s actually pretty difficult.

Once you get the hang of mixing vinyl you really feel like you’ve accomplished something worthwhile.

I don’t just collect electronic music on vinyl either.

I love searching for doom/stoner/sludge metal records. That music is just so awesome; I don’t really understand why I like so much. It’s just so deep and progressive and builds and bubbles. I’ve got a cassette of Sleep’s Dopesmoker that I keep in my car and it’s pretty much the best thing ever.

“My new EP is coming out on cassette and I think

that’s so cool. Apothecary Compositions are putting it out, and I’m super psyched.”

I can’t really begin to explain the enthusiasm and stoke that was coming through the phone during this interview; it’s not often these days you come across someone with such an open-minded and excited outlook on music and the world. Galtier’s new EP, Mainten, is something you should definitely dig out that old tape player for. With a release date yet to be decided, suspense builds…

Music Victoria with Patrick Donovan written by Tex Miller

Regional live music contributes $61 million dollars to the state economy. For years now, there has been a stack of great live bands touring around the regional circuit; and so therefore, we need to ensure its health into the future for generations to come. Leading the charge to make sure that happens is Music Victoria, the peak body that confers between the music industry and the State Government to make sure it happens. That said, Local and State Government are unconvinced that live music is a good thing and so Music Victoria is setting out to change that mindset.

The latest findings are to be launched at the Karova Lounge in Ballarat this Friday, April 4th in the form of the Regional Live Music Census 2014. In the lead up to the event, I got the opportunity to sit down with CEO for Music Victoria, Patrick Donovan, to have a chat about the report and where that leaves the music scene leading into the state election in November this year.

Although it has taken 12 months to get the findings together, Patrick feels that this regional report is the key in making Local and State Government understand just how important music is to local arts and culture. “It’s very hard to get governments to commit any new resources until you have the figures. We did a census this time last year but didn’t have the resources to implement it into regional centres. As a result, we found some astounding figures after asking venue operators to comment

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on matters affecting their provisions of live music performances. The census is there to persuade all levels of government that live music is a massive benefit to bringing communities together and job creation,” Mr Donovan said.

One of the biggest assets in assuring the health of the regional live music scene is access to the Regional Growth Fund. The RGF supports local major strategic infrastructure, and as Mr Donovan relates, is key to helping show live music is important in local communities. “These impressive figures finally prove that the regional live music industry makes a significant contribution to job creation and the regional economy and therefore should be able to access the $1 billion dollars in the Regional Growth Fund, rather than mere arts grants.”

Set up in 2010, at around the same time as the SLAM Rally, MV has been promoting live music all around the state and helping local bands get a head start in their musical career. For a very minimal price, you are able to sign up as a member to Music Victoria, entitling you to a great list of benefits. From discounts on baggage allowance, CD duplication, rehearsal room hire and many more things, it is highly worth singing up for, as Mr Donovan urges: “We really need the whole of the music community to sign up. We do get some funding from various sources, but that state funding is set to run out June 30 next year. The big things that we have lobbied for over the past four years are things that nobody has achieved in the past. One such event is bringing

info: Support local music and become a member at musicvictoria.com.au back all-ages events that were previously banned for twenty years.

“It is only $33 dollars to join as a member and $22 concession. We really need the support of everybody and there isn’t a better opportunity to jump on board than right now!”

The census first and foremost offers a list of

recommendations to help strengthen the live music scene. From reducing the red tape to make it easier to host live music to setting up a live music office that will act as a one-stop shop between musicians, venues and the industry, it is incredibly important that as musicians we get behind this venture. Jump online, take out a subscription and support your local scene.

Todd Mckenney written by By Natalie Rogers

Todd Mckenney is the original triple threat - he has sung, danced and judged his way into our hearts over many years. Now he’s bringing back one of his most beloved characters, so dust off your maracas - it’s time to reminisce with ‘Todd Mckenney Sings Peter Allen.’ When I was assigned to get the 4 – 11 for Forte readers, I expected Todd to be professional and courteous - a result of his years in the public eye. I didn’t expect that I’d be immediately put at ease by his warm greeting, humorous responses and all-round nice guy demeanour.

“I’ve be singing these songs for so many years – but I never tire of them. Peter Allen was a loved personality and it’s a real privilege that people still want to listen to me sing, after all this time!” Todd laughed. “Even though I must have sung ‘I still Call Australia Home’ twenty-three thousand times, the reaction from people is always new and fresh. Oh, and especially when I sing ‘Tenterfield Saddler’ - everybody sings along. It’s definitely the most requested song and it’s really special.”

In true Todd style, his shows are all about fun and creating a memorable experience. Trust me, these shows will not be your run-of-the-mill night at the theatre. “When I was putting the show together I didn’t want a scripted show.

I treat it like one, really big dinner party! I encourage the audience to yell or shout out any requests or questions - I love the ones about Dancing With The Stars. We have a laugh and bit of a gossip,” Todd said with a grin. “There are no rules and every show is different - that’s what I love most about it!

“That, and the fact that I’m keeping the music alive for

Peter Allen fans - however I also love to show people that I can do something other than being a loud-mouth on TV!” Jokes aside, Todd Mckenney plays many roles - none more satisfying than being dad to daughter Charlotte, who he cites as his main motivation in his work with the Children’s Cancer Institute Australia. “I’ve been on the fund-raising committee, called ‘Hope 4 Kids’, for about four years. We’re only a small group of about ten people but we raise over half a million dollars for the CCIA each year. I do it for many reasons, but a selfish one is my daughter - God forbid she needed any sort of treatment. I’d like to know she’s in good hands.

“I do what I love for a living and get applauded when I do it! Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear that applause, but there are people out there doing much more important jobs - like doctors and nurses. So in a way, though I hate to sound clichéd, it’s my way of giving back, and I’m happy to say we’re now able to support other charities like the Thomas Kelly Youth Foundation. He was the guy who was hit and killed in Kings Cross on a simple night out – the coward punch is just horrendous and we should all do what we can to stamp it out.”

Go to toddmckenney.com.au for more details on his upcoming shows and fundraising efforts. But if you just still can’t get enough of this down-to-earth entertainer, check out toddstours.com.au – where a truly unique VIP experience awaits you!

Where&When: Capital Theatre, Bendigo April 4th, The Regent Theatre, Ballarat – April 12th, Lighthouse Theatre, Warnambool – May 30th.

David Bridie written by Tex Miller

First rising to prominence with his band Not Drowning, Waving in the 1980s, David Bridie has over the years become the real deal. Together with his band, My Friend the Chocolate Cake, as well as his solo work, he is one of the most regarded musicians in the Australian scene. Last year, he released his fourth solo studio album Wake and has been touring on the back of that since. With a Canadian tour over the next few months as well as releasing an album with Frank Yamma, Bridie’s touring schedule is filling up quickly, and we are lucky enough to have Mr Bridie playing at the Ocean Grove Festivus on April 12.

In the midst of touring to all different parts of the country, Bridie is most excited about the opportunity to play down this way. “I am most excited about seeing and sharing the stage with the Strange Tenants, because they are one of the hottest live bands around. These kinds of small-time festivals are popping up more and more and so to be able to play them is great.”

In the follow-up to Wake, a further CD entitled Take the Illusionary Exit is slated for release later in the year. Seen as another collection of songs that didn’t make the cut for the record, the David Bridie setlist is ever-changing, as he explains: “I’ve got all these songs that I’m playing in the live set at the moment and they are sounding really good. You can expect to hear some Chocolate Cake stuff, Not Drowning, Waving songs, and a few covers. I think that it is always important to change it up.”

Having been a linchpin in the Australian music scene

for the last three decades, when it comes time to lay down the songs for the record Bridie has many friends that he can call on and Wake, the fourth solo studio effort, features many players from the Australian scene. Together with his own recording equipment and nous, this record was self-produced and a lowkey affair, so the songs didn’t warrant any need to bring in a big-time producer, as Bridie relates: “The process behind Wake was very relaxed and we recorded it in my studio at home. It was a very collaborative process and I had some incredible players help me out. Some of those involved were John Phillips from Not Drowning, Waving, Rob Snarsky from the Blackeyed Susans, Michael Barker from John Butler’s band, Helen and Hope, the string players from Chocolate Cake, Kylie Auldist from the Bamboos [and] Ash Naylor from Even. It was a good way to hang out and put some parts down on songs, and having the ability to do most of the production myself was great.”

One of the main bands that Bridie was listening to in the lead up to this album was The Blue Nile, an electro-pop group from Scotland. With a heavy feature of synthesisers and electronic drum machines, their legacy can most likely be heard in the opening track ‘Dr. Seuss is Painting in the Sky’, which has an electronic drum backbeat throughout the song.

With many gigs around Australia and an album with Frank Yamma to be released in September, be sure to head on down and catch David Bridie playing all your favourites whilst you can.

When&Where: Festivus @ Ocean Grove Park – April 12

Strange Tenants written by Tex Miller

30 years on since forming, Strange Tenants are still regarded as the godfathers of Australian ska.

In addition to that, they are the most recorded ska band of all time – and they are headed down this way to play at the Ocean Grove Festivus on Saturday, April 12. The music scene has changed a hell of a lot since the ’80s, and although they aren’t playing six nights a week anymore, Strange Tenants are still enjoying playing music together. I recently got the opportunity to sit down with Bruce Hearn from the band for a retrospective chat.

With a new lease of life, Strange Tenants are back out on the road and it feels just as good as it did back in the day. There have been a few reunion tours in the years following the initial breakup; the most recent reunion was inspired after seeing legendary English band The Specials play in Melbourne a few years ago. “The Specials played in Australia for the first time ever a couple of years ago and I went along and saw the gig and was just absolutely blown away. People started to ask when the Strange Tenants were going to be back out on the road as a band and so I rang all the boys and they had been waiting for the call up,” Hearn said.

Saxophonist of the group, Robert Calvin, is a local and so this Festivus gig is a homecoming of sorts for the Tenants. Main organiser for the festival and renowned Hammond player Tim Neal has a history of playing in guest spots with the band, so make sure you head down to see their unmissable set.

When&Where: Festivus @ Ocean Grove Park – April 12 Although there may not be as many gigs for bands in pubs and clubs these days, the rise of social media has helped young bands get off the ground. “On one level, the internet and social media allows for independent bands to generate their own momentum without having to rely on record companies and that has always fitted in with our ethos as we have never had a record company or management behind us.”

Having released four singles, three mini albums, and two full-length albums over their four-year career as

a band, their rise to the top of the game was thanks to alternative radio stations. Within their short initial career, the Strange Tenants were lucky enough to share the stage with U2, Style Council and UB40.

“We had a great tour with Style Council. Paul Weller was scared of flying. He knocked himself out on the way over from England but absolutely refused to fly from Melbourne to Sydney for our gig at the Hordern Pavilion. We had to then take the train up with them.

We souvenired a whole carriage on the train, set up

amps and instruments and partied on. This was in the days of before mobile phones, which is a bit of a shame because that moment was definitely worthy of being documented.”

With 72 studio-recorded tracks and 56 live songs, the Tenants were one of the hardest working bands in Australia. On their own backs they managed to play 1200 gigs in four years and cement themselves in Australian music history. Be sure to head along to see music royalty playing in your own backyard.

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FILM REVIEWS

by anthony morris

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The Lego Movie

The thing about Marvel movies – which becomes a lot easier to spot once you realise they’re now Disney movies – is that they’re basically all the same. The stories are somewhat different, the characters have different superpowers and are played by different actors, but the core values of the films are pretty much identical: one hero, with a couple of sidekicks of lesser power, becomes entangled in a somewhat mysterious plot run by a sinister bad guy who’s kept a secret from the hero for much of the film (otherwise the hero would just go beat the bad guy up), with the destructionheavy action sequences balanced out by a lot of mildly funny quips from the good guys. Any differences on top of this formula are superficial at best – Thor has a romance subplot, Iron Man has a bunch of different super-suits, Captain America is a man out of time – and they’re increasingly downplayed as the suits at Disney refine the formula down to a point where they can plug any character, any actor, and any creative team in to churn out the required amount of profit.

Anyone who’s been following the rise of the Lego gaming franchise knows that the little plastic blocks aren’t just for sticking together any more. So what’s surprising about their first big screen outing is the way it manages to not only capture the silly fun of the games, but build on it to create a movie that’s one of the first really impressive animated features in a long, long time (sorry Mr Peabody & Sherman).

So within those parameters, Captain America: The Winter Soldier has the following tweaks: Chris Evans is spot-on as Cap, coming across as both the ultimate nice guy and someone willing to do what’s right whatever the cost. Scarlet Johansson is excellent as the slightly more morally dubious super spy Black Widow; as a whole the casting is one of this film’s strong points. Story-wise, this contains zero surprises – despite the film’s best efforts to convince otherwise – and while the whole “has SHIELD turned bad?” storyline occasionally threatens to have something to say about today’s surveillance society, it cloaks it all in so much muddled manufactured drama any larger meaning is non-existent.

This film’s big strength outside of the cast are the action sequences, which are more impressive than usual for a Marvel film. Either CGI has gotten cheaper or the budgets have grown; for once this feels close to a real A-list action movie rather than Marvel’s more usual “save most of the money for one big fight at the end” approach. But for all this film’s numerous strengths, it remains a Marvel movie, and that feeling of having seen it all before is not one this ever manages to shake off.

Emmet (the voice of Chris Pratt) is just your average everyday Lego figure working in – what else – construction, living his life according to the instructions and making absolutely no impression whatsoever on anyone around him. Then he falls into a pit and somehow gets the mythical “Piece of Resistance” stuck to his back and now he’s the “Special”, aka the only one who can save everyone from the evil Lord Business (Will Ferrell) and his scheme to deploy the “Kragle” to end the Lego world as we know it.

While the plot is your basic “nobody rises up to save the world” deal, complete with prophecy (via Morgan Freeman’s blind wizard) and sexy sidekick Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), the running “are you a DJ” joke at her name is just one of the countless ways this undercuts itself whenever a good joke happens to be available.

The salute to the joys of creativity at the end is the only bum note, but you’ll be too busy tearing up to care, while the Lego action is enjoyably exciting and the product placement – Batman is a major player in the story – is defused thanks to the film’s ruthlessly hilarious mocking of pretty much everything: Batman is more of a dork knight (with a hilarious self-penned theme song), Green Lantern is a one-joke loser and the Star Wars cameo is the best use those characters have been put to in years.

Like the blocks themselves, this is suitable – and enjoyable – for all ages.

Noah Forget all the “is it faithful to The Bible or not” chatter.

The real thing to be thinking about going in to see director Darren Aronofsky’s epic is “how are they going to turn the Bible story into a two-hour twentyminute movie?” And how, you might ask, they’re going to spice things up with all manner of crazy new additions – yes, this is a movie where fallen angels have turned into rock monsters. The real answer involves less magical fantasy and more shots of a brooding Russell Crowe.

He’s Noah, last of the line of the non-evil offspring of Adam and Eve, and while Man in general has basically trashed the planet Noah, his wife (Jennifer Connelly) and their three sons – plus the young girl (Emma Watson) they later adopt – are living an environmentally friendly life out in the wilds. Then Noah has a vision: The Creator (God is never named “God” here) is going to drown the world and they need to visit Noah’s grandfather Methuselah (Anthony Hopkins) to figure out a plan. No prizes for guessing what the plan involves, or that it pisses off the local king, Tubal Cane (Ray Winstone).

Much of what you might expect to be the tough stuff in a Noah tale is glossed over: the animals simply turn up at the Ark, while Noah’s invented some kind of sleepy smoke that knocks them out and stops them from causing trouble. Actually, building the Ark is straightforward, too, thanks to the help of the fallen angel rock monsters, freeing up the film to focus on its real concern: what it’d be like to watch the whole world drown.

Crowe is excellent at showing Noah’s decent core slowly buckling under the strain of being ‘The Chosen One’; unfortunately, the story we all know isn’t a great fit for the one Aronofsky wants to tell, and the real story here turns out to be Noah’s judgment call that all humanity needs to end for The Creator’s will to be done.

For a story about people trapped on a boat with a nutcase who wants them all to die, this isn’t all that suspenseful either: while the mix of the epic and the intimate works well, this really feels too long and too slight to be a real success.

The Raid 2: Berandal The Raid was a lean, brutal, propulsive action thriller laced with jaw-dropping fights and a structure that kept the endless violence fresh (basically, they started with guns, then knives, then fists, then whatever was lying around). In the sequel, director Gareth Evans has decided to expand both the fights and the story – only it seems bigger isn’t always better.

After dispatching every dangling plot thread from the first film with startling efficiency in the first few minutes (shouldn’t a sequel have something to do with the original past the same lead actor?) we get a largely unnecessary prison intro where now undercover cop Rama (Iko Uwais) establishes his bona fides (by fighting, obviously) so he can infiltrate one of the two major crime families running this particular slice of Indonesia. What follows is a complicated crime saga involving rival families and an evil third force looking to pit them against each other.

Story-wise, it’s convoluted, uninspired and occasionally cartoony: the film’s two best killers are the Mangaesque “Hammer Girl” and “Baseball Bat Guy”. But you’re here for the fights, which are a brutal, bone-snapping showcase for the Indonesian martial art of Pencak silat. They’re increasingly repetitive over the film’s two hourplus running time, but there’s just enough variety to keep things watchable; an early mud fight is a stand out, and a later car chase is thrilling stuff.

Ride Along It’s buddy cop time, only this time only Ice Cube is a real cop spending a day stuck with his over-eager potential brother-in-law (Kevin

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Hart) when he’d rather be tracking down a sinister and mysterious arms dealer. The action is decent enough, the comedy mostly works; for a buddy cop film, this

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actually ain’t half bad.

Need for Speed Car

chases. Lots and lots of car chases. Everything in between the car chases is forgettable, lame or outright

stupid; the car chases themselves are pretty good, but not quite good enough to get this across the finishing line.

Pompeii It’s a gladiator movie mixed with a

Cuban Fury

Nymphomaniac parts 1 & 2

Bruce Garrett (Nick Frost) used to be a shining light in the world of Salsa dancing. Under the tutelage of grumpy sod Ron Parfait (Ian McShane) and with his younger sister Sam (Olivia Colman) as his partner, his teenage self filled his shelves with trophies. And then, on the night of the national finals, he was cornered in a parking garage by a gang of bullies. They made him eat the sequins off his shirt, he skipped the finals, called up Ron to say “Salsa’s for pussies”, and turned his back on dance forever.

First things first: the Australian edition of Danish director Lars Von Trier’s highly anticipated sex-fest isn’t actually porn. Australia is currently getting the conjoined four hour version (with a ten minute interval) rather than the original two separate films (over five hours in total). Reportedly the main difference between the two versions – a disclaimer at the beginning of both parts 1 & 2 says that while Von Trier is aware of these “censored” versions, he does not condone them – is that the sexually explicit penetration shots have been removed (90 minutes worth?) If they’d been left in then the film would have almost certainly been rated X, and therefore been unable to be shown in non-porn cinemas.

Now Bruce is a technical draughtsman for a firm that makes industrial equipment. His social life largely involves golf and running through checklists detailing their boring lives with his mates, his only buddy at work is handsome sex pest Drew (Chris O’Dowd), and his sister supplies free drinks thanks to her job as a bartender at a South Sea-themed bar. Things look grim.

The one ray of light in his life is his new boss, Julia (Rashida Jones). After a shared moment involving entangled lanyards, he’s torn between the desire to get to know her better and the knowledge she’s out of his league. Then he discovers she’s a salsa dancer – the perfect way for them to bond. But he’s a little rusty, so a trip to Ron’s sleazy bar-cum-dance school is in order for a refresher course. Turns out he’s rustier than he thought, and Drew is starting to make a move on Julia as well. Will he give up and crawl back into his hole?

The big hook to get you into the cinema here is seeing Frost dance, and he’s certainly doing enough of his own moves to impress all but the most hardened viewer.

The jokes are generally solid without being spectacular – there are more funny lines than there are funny scenes – and the whole thing has the feel of a decent sitcom episode rather than a ninety minute comedy spectacular.

Frost just about gets this over the line, but this feels a little too much like a television show to make a trip to the cinema a must. disaster movie that somehow manages to deliver only the best of both worlds. Yes, it’s still pretty cheesy – but at least the cheese is cooked to perfection.

Once you get past that disappointment, here’s the good news: it’s surprisingly funny for a film that opens with a man (Stellan Skarsgård) walking through a tiny courtyard on his way home only to find a battered woman (Charlotte Gainsbourg) lying unconscious on the wet ground. He takes her home, puts her to bed, introduces himself – he’s Seligman, she’s Joe – and she proceeds to tell him the story of her life. A life, we soon discover, that has been utterly consumed by sex. Settle down: the sex isn’t all that erotic and there’s not all that much of it compared to your average arthouse smut. At least Seligman is constantly interrupting Joe’s stories with digressions about fly fishing, music, the Fibonacci sequence of numbers, and anything else he feels her tale could be connected too, which is often surprisingly funny.

Her sex life grinds on; her romantic life develops too.

Unsurprisingly for a Von Trier film love is both a burden and a chore – Uma Thurman gets a great scene as a spurned wife who arrives for an overly dramatic confrontation, Joe eventually moves on to multiple random partners and S&M, and things are no longer as funny as they once were.

It’s a big meal but not a particularly deep one, and while it’s a film worth seeing, it’s not one all that worth thinking about. Maybe losing all the hardcore penetration was a real loss after all.

300: Rise of an Empire

heights of the original.

More CGI blood! More slow-motion fights! More over-the-top everything!

And yet this sequel to the swords-and-sandals epic 300 never really hits the

The Monuments Men

It’s World War 2 and the Allies figure they’d better put some effort into saving art from the Nazis. Unfortunately,

while this is based on a true story and director/ star George Clooney has obviously adapted it with care, he hasn’t managed to turn it into a decent film.

MUSIC REVIEWS

The Pacific EP

Songs From Under the Stares

Grids

Singles

Holy Holy

Rollo Ellis

Teeth & Tongue

Future Islands

Wonderlick Recording

Independent

Dot Dash Recordings

4AD

Award winning Singer songwriter Timothy Carroll and Producer cross Guitarist Oscar Dawson came along 3 years ago to create the band Holy Holy, demoing in stairwells and apartments in Stockholm and Berlin the boys released a full length Album on their return.

Driving along listening to triple J yesterday I had to pull over and shazam a song that turned out to be Holy Holy’s latest single ‘House of Cards’. The inspiration in the vocals and overall feel of Boy and Bear is evident in the Brisbane Duos newest release. There are also sparks of bands such as Ball Park Music, Set Sail and Tame Impala throughout The Pacific EP which would make many Australian music fans, but mostly indie festival fans, very happy and excited.

There’s nothing quite like an album that opens with a track titled ‘Whore’ and then follows it up with 15 equally original, albeit less insulting, track titles.

If intro songs were the be all and end all of an album, then Teeth & Tongue would have Grids in the charts. Starting off with their track ‘Good Man’, also played on triple j, listeners are immediately acquainted with the quirky, slightly ’80s sounds of Teeth & Tongue.

Is it wrong to be sold on an album based entirely on their cover design? If it is, then call me a sinner because Future Islands’ album, Singles, is damn attractive. Luckily, the contents of the pretty cardboard casing aren’t too bad either.

Just imagine the typical ’80s video clip with a man singing evocatively by the beach and you’ve got Future Islands’ sound down to a T.

Working with the guys at Wonderlick and Sony Music I feel these guys are best suited on triple J and would be very surprised if they hit mainstream at all with the Pacific EP but I could yet be pleasantly surprised. ‘House of Cards’ is the standout track on the release even though their debut single ‘Impossible Like you’ with a shadow of Tame Impala has had almost 40,000 views on Youtube released just 8 months ago. ‘Slow Melody’ completes the 4 track EP with a bit more of a Temper Trap vibe going on. Throughout The Pacific EP and especially in Cincinnati you sometimes feel as if Carroll and Dawson are unsure of what genre they are trying to achieve but I feel that future releases will be more of an explaination.

WHAT’s NEW!?

Oliver Friend

Born and raised in Detroit, Rollo Ellis has been playing in bands since he was 14-yearsold. Amongst his vast history in the music industry, he’s played solo naked, traded in a Les Paul guitar for an acoustic, and numerous other interesting life events.

Aside from the 20 second shocker of ‘Whore’, Songs From Under the Stares actually has its own unique charm that manages to draw you in.

‘The Floor, The TV and The Phone’ is, believe it or not, a song written about an infomercial, amongst other relatable things. In this track, Rollo Ellis has effortlessly mastered the art of writing songs about things that everyone can appreciate.

Although an American originally, Rollo Ellis has embraced the Australian heritage and used didgeridoo in many of his songs, most memorably in ‘Magpie’.

The didgeridoo is just one of the elements that Rollo Ellis uses, as he also incorporates cello, harmonica, slide guitar and more. ‘Not Again’ has a perfect mix of these instruments and makes you want for the cello to be used all the time.

Listening to Songs From Under the Stares feels a little bit like listening to a diary entry played out to the sounds of a didgeridoo and acoustic guitar. So for those who are a bit nosier than the rest of us, this may just be your album.

Amanda Sherring

But this strong start is seriously halted with their follow-up track, ‘More Than This’. The track appears to be just as strong as its predecessor, but flatlines for too long before picking itself up.

Put simply, if it were a person it would have died.

In a sophomore album mistakes can still be easily made, and can be just as easily forgotten as long as they can prove themselves in the remainder of the album. Luckily for Teeth & Tongue, they’ve managed to save themselves in their remaining tracks.

Wild drumbeats layered with synthy guitar riffs and smooth vocals work harmoniously together in their track ‘Newborn’, a highlight on the album that works perfectly to break things up.

Coming from Baltimore, the trio are bringing their tracks full of animated bass lines, strong drum beats and rapid keys to their 10-track release.

Standout from the album would have to be ‘Doves’. Lead vocalist, Samuel T Herring, masters the track with his deep vocals as synthladen beats swarm in the background.

‘Back in the Tall Grass’ is also worth mentioning as it takes a step away from the keys and lets a little bit of guitar shine through. Also worth listening to is ‘Light House’.

Other mentionable tracks are ‘Boredom’, ‘Going South’, ‘Today’ and ‘Family Home’, each offering a nice blend of ’80s pop, folk and alternative rock.

If there’s one major complaint it’s that a lot of the tracks overlap and you’re left wondering if the album is really 10 separate tracks or one mega track. But I guess this is a trait that’s common with its genre.

Grids is a clear example of the flexibility that Teeth & Tongue have. Whilst it’s easiest to say they’re yet another alternative band, there are strong ’80s electro influences with a twang of experimentalism and folk that make them stand out.

Though this genre doesn’t feature on any of my top played lists, I can still appreciate the instrumental, composition and vocal skills of Future Sounds, and can imagine seeing them live would complete the experience.

So load it onto your iPod, close your eyes and be taken back to a world where perms and puff jackets were commonplace.

After listening to Singles, you’ll find it hard to resist watching The Wedding Singer and bopping along to the ’80s tracks.

Amanda Sherring

Amanda Sherring

Himalayan

Puddinghead

Band of Skulls

Ball Park Music

This is the third album from English alt-rockers Band of Skulls, and they’re showing no signs of stopping. Available now on Vagrant Records.

This is the release I’m most looking forward to this year. These guys are my favourite band at the moment.

They’ve already released two tracks from this album – ‘She Only Loves Me When I’m There’ and ‘Teenager Pie’.

Available tomorrow on Stop Start.

Now + 4EVA

Blackbird

Architecture in Helsinki

Dan Sultan

Probably the worst album title I have seen in a while, it’s still exciting to see these Australians back with their fifth album of infectious pop tunes.

Available now on Inertia.

Dan Sultan is back with his personal brand of “rock ‘n’ roll, blues and soul”, and if lead single ‘Under Your Skin’ is any indication, this one is going to be a doozy.

Available tomorrow on Liberation.

Thirteen Tales from Urban Bohemia Live at the Wonder

Pocketknife

The Dandy Warhols I’ve had ‘We Used To Be Friends’ stuck in my head all week thanks to the Veronica Mars movie, so when I saw The Dandy Warhols had something out, I had to add it to this list. This is recorded live in their hometown as part of the thirteenth anniversary of the album.

Available now on Capitol Records.

Mr Little Jeans Best known for her cover of Arcade Fire’s ‘The Suburbs’ a few years back, Mr Little Jeans (Monica Birkenes) has released her first LP. Available now on Sony.

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Grog Watch There’s no faster way to sound like a loser than by wondering aloud if social media is “over”. Obviously if it seems over to you then you’re the one who’s over. It’s like saying “is the music / nightclub / leaving the house to do anything scene dead?” The only people who ever think any scene is dead are the people who’ve been left out in the cold.

By definition, the cool kids are the kids who are the ones out there doing stuff; if you’re not doing something with your spare time, you’re simply not cool (well, unless you’re spending your spare time brooding, but then you still need people to see you brooding, which means you’re outside doing something and I have proved my point once again).

And with social media in all its various forms now firmly established as something to do, you kind of have to do it if you’re going to be considered, well,

PULP. >>>>>> By Cameron Urquhart & Alastair McGibbon

Alastair: So, if you ever get into trouble around water in the comics universe, there’s one guy you want pulling your ass out of trouble — and it sure as hell isn’t that pompous jerk Namor. That’s right, boys and girls – this week we’re talking about Aquaman!

Poor old Arthur Curry has had a bit of a rough time over the past few decades. Years of fish jokes and not doing much worth mentioning left the King of Atlantis’ reputation more than a little tarnished. Evidently the folks at DC decided to turn things around with the New 52 relaunch – because despite the negative reaction the reboot got, New 52 Aquaman kicks some serious ass.

Creative powerhouses Geoff Johns (master of all things Green Lantern) and Ivan Reis (Blackest Night, Brightest Day) were determined to restore Aquaman to his rightful place amongst DC’s heavy-hitters, and they certainly did the job.

Volume one, The Trench, sees a race of deepsea predators (the titular monsters – think merman meets angler fish) start attacking coastal towns and promptly get speared, slashed and torn into pieces by a very pissed off Aquaman. Johns has evidently worked hard to change the perception of Aquaman from a goofy joke to a serious, stabthings-first-ask-questions-later hero, and it works surprisingly well. The fish jokes and previous limitations of the character are dealt with straight off the bat, and then we’re treated to a story that would make an excellent monster movie.

If you’ve been looking for a comic that isn’t your typical hero story, Aquaman definitely fits the bill.

Forget everything you thought you knew about the King of Atlantis, and read the hell out of this book.

Cameron: Young Justice is never coming back – and that’s the worst thing in the world. Let me explain why.

While Marvel definitely runs the cinematic world with its adaptations, the realm of animation has always firmly belonged to DC. The X-Men and Spider-Man series from the ’90s are borderline unwatchable these days due to their badly aged animation and fairly by the numbers exploration of character. In contrast, Batman: The Animated

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not so much “cool” as not “dead”.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “Hey, social media seems pretty dead at the moment”, the problem clearly isn’t with social media – it’s with you doing it wrong. And yet, I’m starting to wonder – and worse, wonder out loud in public, which is what this column is – whether social media isn’t really starting to be sorta kinda a thing of the past. And just like that, and for the reasons explained above, what little remains of my coolness vanishes … never to be seen again.

Ha! Just kidding! When you drink as much as I do as often as I do, not only are you never cool but you’re never uncool either … more like pickled really. Because we all know the real path to coolness is to be totally into one thing to such an extent that you don’t care what anyone else thinks – which is obviously easier said than done because being totally into one thing usually just opens the door to people saying “nice one loser” and you’ve just got to push through it and stick with your devotion until those around you are forced to admit that, yeah, you really are hardcore the way you’re totally devoted to building houses out of playing cards, or whatever.

But good news! If what you’re totally into is getting drunk then you get to completely bypass that whole “nice one loser” stage because you’re too drunk to care what anyone else thinks and so it’s super-easy to become super hardcore at it until, you know, people

Series, Superman: The Animated Series and Justice League set a whole new standard for animated excellence. In its very first season Young Justice met that standard, and then jumped over it with the help of a grappling hook and a sweet cape.

Young Justice follows the formation of a junior Justice League comprising of Robin, Aqualad, Speedy, Miss Martian, Superboy and Kid Flash.

Each of these characters has been adapted (or created) with care and given their own character arcs throughout the season. A lot of these arcs revolve around the ideas of what makes family and what friendship means. Interpersonal conflict is as rife with superpowered teens as it is with real life teens.

Season two expands the roster without making the show feel overblown or stretched out. It really was impressive the way the universe was crafted to support all these characters and to give fans exactly what they wanted from a DC animated series. Of course, as comic book fans know, just because something is good doesn’t mean it will stick around. Cancellation is the bane of many a fan, and unfortunately it was no different with Young Justice. First came the shifts in timeslot, then the hiatus, then the second hiatus, then the final cancellation.

Thankfully the show is available on DVD, and I’d highly recommend picking it up. While one storyline may be left hanging at the end, it is still one of the most rewarding shows you can watch.

start to think you’re too hardcore at it; but if you’re anything like me, you’ll have driven those losers away with your crazy antics long before you get to that stage.

What does all this have to do with social media? Oh right, sorry, this is one of those columns I wrote late one night after demonstrating how cool I am to myself by drinking a whole bunch so forgive me in advance if I run off the rails a bit here and there. So, yeah. What?

Oh, social media. I don’t know about you, but it’s starting to feel just a little like the whole “social” side of things has, as they say, died in the arse just a little. By which I mean that the idea of just blurting out stuff to the world and expecting to somehow make friends from it has fallen by the wayside just a little.

Fun fact: over the seven billion years I’ve spent writing this column – which is basically the original form of social media if you think about it, and God knows I have – I’ve made the grand total of zero friends from it. Oh, occasionally people write in to ask if I really do drink as much as it seems or complain that I’m a space-wasting loser or whatever, but that’s been it and really, no one’s surprised by that. But on social media the idea is that you write crap like this (only better, because presumably you’re not loaded at the time) and somehow people will flock to you to hear what you have to say and become your best-ist buddy and whatever. Yeah, right. What seems to be happening – and remember, I’m drunk – is that after a quick flurry of excitement things settle down to people basically

POrPe! cultu

By An th on

y M or ri s

One of the ABC’s more overlooked success stories of the last few years has been the Agony series of programs. Kicking off with the six-part Agony Uncles in 2012, writer/ director/creator/host Adam Zwar went around to a bunch of his comedian mates – with a few wild cards mixed in, like former businessman John Elliot and his son – and asked them for their relationship advice. The fact that none of these guys were all that knowledgeable about relationships wasn’t a serious problem; the guys cracked wise, for the most part they were charming about it, and while you probably wouldn’t want to take their advice to heart it was usually funny enough to keep viewers entertained (and make Lawrence Mooney a late-blooming ABC fixture in the process).

Obviously things were a little one-sided, so no one had cause for complain when Agony Aunts appeared later that year, especially when it turned out that the female comedians and celebrities Zwar had lined up were actually a little bit more insightful than the men when it came to relationship advice.

Yes, the format had its problems; the rapid-fire editing that made each episode a collection of under 30-second clips

talking to the same people they know in “real life”, only slightly faster because computers are involved.

Now, chances are I’m doing this all wrong and ignoring the power of sharing cat pictures, but it feels like the second you have anything to lose (job, sex, partner) by acting like an idiot on social media suddenly talking about anything much on social media becomes too hard to do with anyone who might misunderstand anything you say, which rules out just about all strangers and you’re stuck talking to the same chumps you already were talking to before you all signed up for whatever social media service it is you’re using. Which just might show us the way for the future of computing: instead of being some big amazing world of interconnectivity, it could just turn out to be like the real world where we only talk to small numbers of people we already know.

After all, it’s totally possible to wander the streets stopping random strangers to ask them questions, only most of us don’t do that because it’s annoying and lame.

Though come to think of it, I actually do find myself doing that because, you know, drunk all the time over here. And if no one likes it in real life, it probably explains why I have no friends on social media.

Mystery solved! I need a drink.

Tony “My social media site is called Blurter” Montana

tended to give the show a numbing monotone feel, while the context-setting voice-overs by Zwar didn’t really add much to proceedings.

But it was light entertainment, and as such it was basically a weekend newspaper advice column crossed with some lightweight celebrity confessions – how could it fail?

Then in 2013 we got The Agony Guide to Life, which brought back most of your old favourites in a blended-gender instalment for the format the ABC and viewers had grown to love, this time talking about the whole of human existence – which, as most of the cast members had only made it through half their allotted span, if that, meant that proceedings felt even more lightweight than the previous effort. But what was there really to complain about?

The show was basically a showcase for a group of B-list Australian celebrities to tell mildly amusing tales presented in bite-size chunks, and considering the whole thing was run on the smell of an oily rag – Zwar having said the show was just him rocking up to his mates’ place, setting up the camera himself, and letting them talk for a few hours – it was no surprise the ABC asked it back. But now we have The Agony Guide to Modern Manners, and the joke is starting to wear a little thin.

For at least some of the guests, the A-material was used up a series or two back, while their actual insights into the topics being covered are fairly thin. The format doesn’t really do them many favours either, with the rapid-fire clip format largely defusing the potential for anyone to go off on a bizarre tangent or try something surprising. Not that surprises are what this series is about: it’s a cheap, safe way for the ABC to fill up space with local content, and if by now the actual content of that content is wearing thin, chances are the goodwill the series has generated will get it over the line one more time. And the time after that. And by 2016? Well, who isn’t looking forward to The Agony Guide to Lower Back Pain?

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