Forte #568 by Forte Mag

FREE! OOD ARTS F C I S siness MU re bu cultu AT ONLINE US OUT .au CHECK ag.com m forte

owl eyes

ross hannaford

the phantom of the opera

ballarat // bendigo // geelong // surfcoast // warrnambool // werribee

horror show

harrison craig

issue 568 // 19 SEPTEMBER 2013 // next issue: 3 OCT

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM Spring has sprung, although the weather has been so crazy lately you'd be forgiven for thinking it was still the middle of Winter! Speaking of Spring this issue we have our special Spring 2013 Forte Functions Guide. Check out all the great venues Geelong has on offer for your next big (or small) event. Gracing our cover this fortnight we have UK metalcore band Bring Me The Horizon. Natalie Rogers talks to them about their latest release 'Semipiternal', their upcoming Australian tour and car troubles (happens to the best of us)! Make sure you check them out when they hit Festival Hall on October 9th. This issue we also have the talented likes of Ross Hannford, Mantra, Horrorshow, Northeast House Party, Min&Mal, Owl Eyes, Harrison Craig, Hugo Race, The Phantom Of The Opera (which will be performed for the first time at the GPAC later this year) and many more. See you on the other side of the Footy Finals! The Forte Team.

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WEDNESDAY 2ND OCTOBER

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THURSDAY 3RD OCTOBER

STEVE LANE & THE AUTOCRATS

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PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara luke@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce

Hey Forte fans!

THURSDAY 19TH SEPTEMBER

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the HIGHLIGHTS

THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours The Highlights: Where we’re stuck in the middle with you. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Eyes on The All Seeing Hand Please make welcome The All Seeing Hand, a band comprised of our New Zealand cousins who will be making their debut trek to Australia next month. The band, a Mongolian throat singing, turntable and drum trio, will release their second album next month. Tilted Mechatronics, the album is the follow-up to their 2011 self-titled debut. Boney – October 10. With Mesa Cosa and Duck Duck Chop. .........................................................................

The Leisurely Shining Bird Earlier this month NSW Australiana-infused pop outfit Shining Bird released their debut album, Leisure Coast. Since uploading album single ‘Distant Dreaming’ to YouTube earlier in the year it has been viewed around 170,000 times. To celebrate the release the band is hitting the road, and they have done so in style, releasing a cheesy promo YouTube vid titled ‘The Wonders of the Leisure Coast’. The Workers Club – October 18. .........................................................................

Stranger Than My Fiction So, you want some new My Fiction. That’s good to hear because the band has their brand-spanking new album Shallow Highs for you. The album is the band’s follow-up to FIREROMANCEFIRE, an album which helped put the band on the international map with songs featuring on television shows including Gossip Girl and Awkward. For the newie they have reunited with producer, Magoo. Gertrude’s Brown Couch – October 12.

Summer Flake Has it All In her day life she is Stephanie Crase, but in the world of music she is better known as Summer Flake. The multi-instrumentalist has been in the game for some years now, performing in various Adelaide outfits including Batrider and Birth Glow. Her debut solo album is You Can Have It All, an “effortless distillation of cold winter light, cheap tobacco, apple crumble and languid afternoons on the couch.” Grace Darling – October 18. .........................................................................

AWME 2013 Coloured Stone, Knox (Fiji), The Orbweavers, The Putbacks with Emma Donovan, Grizzly Jim Lawrie, Impossible Odds, Whiri Tu Aka(NZ), Stan & The Earth Force (Vanuatu), Slip On Stereo, Maya Kamaty (Reunion Island) and Tjupurru are among those that make up the first round announcement of the 2013 Australasian Worldwide Music Expo. AWME is a first-class music and industry event. Melbourne – November 14-17. awme.com.au. .........................................................................

Calling All Cars for the People That Melbourne trio of rockers known as Calling All Cars are going about business on a new as yet untitled album, but luckily for fans they have already shared a little something through tracks ‘Werewolves’ and ‘Raise the People’. The band has spent the year crafting their new album with Steve Schram and Tom Larkin, which will follow 2010’s Hold, Hold, Fire and 2011’s Dancing With a Dead Man. Ding Dong – October 19.

So Many Pozibilities In July of this year, crowdfunding platform Pozible put up $10,000, encouraging musicians, music managers and event coordinators to submit their ideas to the exciting new project, Pozible Gigs. The projects have been chosen and those who received the green light can be viewed through the Pozible website at pozible.com. There are plenty of ways for you to get involved and some sweet stuff is up for grabs. Pozible Gigs closes October 24.

A Drop in the Pond

Caravãna Sun vs The World Having wrapped up a European tour not too long ago, Caravãna Sun have wasted no time in getting busy on the Aussie touring road. Their website introduces the band as “Gypsy Fuelled Ska Surf Rebellious Barefoot Rock”, while others have said “Jimi Hendrix took a holiday in Turkey”. Either way, you gotta love that. While on the road they’ll be welcoming new single, ‘Took the World’. Bar Open – September 20.

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In 2008 Nick Allbrook, Jay Watson and Joseph Ryan embarked on a new project. The idea was simple: get anyone they wanted to play to take part in the collaboration. And so Pond was born. Since then the Western Australian psychedelic wonders have kept busy. Very, very busy. August saw the release of their fifth album, Hobo Rocket. They also recently released a video for single, ‘O Dharma’. The Corner – December 19.

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Melvins & Helmet Head Out

.........................................................................

A Walk Down Laneway Festival

Did you miss out on tickets to Meredith this year? Sorry about that. The good news is that with festivals always come sideshows, including a couple of rippers in Melvins and Helmet. 2013 notches up 30 years in the game for the Melvins, the godfathers of Seattle, while Helmet, fearlessly led by Page Hamilton, is closing in on 25 years. Melvins play The Hi-Fi on December 17; Helmet the same venue on December 18.

An Evening with Jill Scott

The first line-up for the 2014 Laneway Festival will drop on September 24. As with any festival there are plenty of rumours floating around, but we’ll just see what happens. What we can tell you is that the Melbourne leg of the festival will take place at Footscray Community Arts Centre/River’s Edge on February 1. This year sees the festival enter its 11th year. Bookmark lanewayfestival.com for all the goods.

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Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter, actress and poet Jill Scott is on her way to Australia for her first headlining run. Jill released her debut album, Who Is Jill Scott? Words and Sounds Vol. 1, in 2000. The album would go double-platinum. You may have also seen her in the lead role in the TV series, The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency. The Palais – November 19.

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Dreaming of Rosie Catalano Folk-pop songbird Rosie Catalano is another crowdfunding success story – twice over! She released her debut EP in 2010, an album which picked up a coveted ‘Album of the Week’ spot on ABC Radio National. The next slice of folk-pop comes next month in her sophomore EP, Dreams Are Just Movies. The EP features Jack Carty, Brendan Maclean, Brian Campeau, Evan Mannell and Veronique Serret. The Empress – October 18.

Stolen Violin on the Road

Pyramid Rock Cancelled

With The Middle East no more, ex-lead singer Jordan Ireland has taken to solo life under the guise Stolen Violin. He’s also on the road, performing a small number of shows in support of his debut release, Temperate Touch, Tropical Tears. Recorded with Jake Core and Machine Translations’ J Walker, the album was mostly recorded on 8-track cassette. Gertrude’s Brown Couch – September 26.

It’s not all good news this issue with news that Pyramid Rock Festival will not be making an appearance this year. The statement reads: “Due to tough economic conditions in recent years the festival has become unviable for Inversion Productions and their only option is to cancel the event. Options will be explored for the festival to return on a permanent basis in 2014.” Refer to thepyramidrockfestival.com for the full statement.

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The Charming Alan Davies Sure, we know him for his starring role in the mystery series Jonathan Creek, but we know him better as the second fiddle to Stephen Fry on QI. Alan Davies began performing stand-up in the late 1980s, picking up various awards before scoring a gig on Radio 1. In 1997 he stepped into the boots of Jonathan Creek before later making himself comfortable (mostly comfortable) on QI. Hamer Hall – March 14. .........................................................................

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Music Awards Makeover In 2013 we say goodbye to The Age’s EG Awards and hello to The Age’s Music Victoria Awards. After nine years running under the EG banner, the awards become state-focused thanks to the good folk at Music Victoria. The public is able to cast their votes from October 11 with the awards night set for November 20 at Billboard. Renée Geyer and Michael Gudinski are the first to be inducted into the Hall of Fame under the awards’ new title. .........................................................................

The IT Crowd One-Off Good things often come in small packages, and so it was that after only four seasons The IT Crowd said farewell. However, in May this year series creator Graham Linehan announced that there was to be a one-off finale. Chris O’Dowd, Richard Ayoade, Katherine Parkinson and Matt Berry all returned for a final fling. The finale is due to air on the UK’s Channel 4 at the end of the month. If you want to see it, I am sure you know what to do. .........................................................................

Elefant Traks Turns 15

The Falls Gets Bigger Ten further acts have been added to this year’s Falls Festival line-up. You wanna know who they are? What, you already know? Eh, here we go again. Joining the New Year’s bonanza are Johnny Marr, The Hungry Kids of Hungary, Horrorshow, Emma Louise, Oliver Tank, The Paper Kites, The Rubens, Thundamentals, Violent Soho and The War on Drugs. Check in on fallsfestival.com if you have any questions.

Sydney-based label collection Elefant Traks is celebrating its 15th birthday in 2013 with a handful of shows scattered about the place over the next couple of months. Two Melbourne dates have been lined up for The Corner on November 22 and the Northcote Social Club on November 23. Both dates will feature Hermitude, Horrorshow, The Herd, Urthboy, Sietta and The Tongue. You can probably expect further surprises as well. .........................................................................

From Here to Jack Johnson Ol’ Aussie favourite Jack Johnson is heading to town at the end of the year for a handful of shows in support of his new album, From Here to Now to You. The album is his sixth studio release. Johnson will be utilising various green initiatives on tour and all profits will be donated to various charity groups – as has been the case since 2008. What a guy! The Plenary – December 16. Enjoy an early Christmas treat.

EARTHCORE ANNOUNCEMNT!!! Earthcore have made a HUGE announcement on their headline act for this years 20 year anniversary festival with SHPONGLE doing a DJ set + RAJA RAM TIP WORLD 20 doing the closing set. There are still ticets available but you musit get in quick, Last chance tix here : www.earthcore.com.au.

Spiderbait Break the Drought It has been quite some time since Janet English, Kram and Damian Whitty, those three deliciously devilish rockers that make up Spiderbait, released some new tunes. But the wait is over. The band is set to release a self-titled album mid-November, but to starve you off until then they have lead single, ‘Straight Through the Sun’. It is sure to make you fall in love with the band all over again. .........................................................................

JARVIS in Your Home Hey kids, now you can play Tony Stark in your own home with Marvel Studios releasing a JARVIS app. The app features the voice of Paul Bettany and has been designed to give users an interactive experience. Among other things, the first-ever voice operated second screen experience enables users to employ JARVIS as a digital assistant. It can function as an alarm clock, access local weather and post to social media. .........................................................................

Rainbow Serpent, Take 2 The 2014 Rainbow Serpent Festival has announced its second line-up, with The Orb, James Zabiela, Ott, Max Cooper, Israel’s Ritmo, Zen Mechanics

(Netherlands), Headroom (South Africa), Tristan, Elite Force and Dousk among those joining the party. 2014 is shaping up to be their biggest year yet, so best get on those tickets. Lexton – January 24-27, with full details through rainbowserpent.net. .........................................................................

Earthcore Seeking Answers Okay readers, want the chance to score a couple of tickets to Earthcore, a handy $100 drink card and the opportunity to hang with an international act of your choice? Then hit up the festival’s Facebook page at facebook.com/earthcoreofficial, like the post and choose answer 1 (North), 2 (South East), 3 (West) or 4 (East). It is all about guessing the direction of Earthcore’s 20th anniversary. Hint: It is 87 kilometres from Melbourne’s CBD. .........................................................................

Tex Perkins’ New Venture There is just no stopping a guy like Tex Perkins. When they’re on a mission, they’re on a mission. And for Tex, his mission was to create “the album I was born to make”. Considering his output, it is a big call. The album he is referring to is The Ape, which also serves as the name for his new group featuring Raul Sanchez, Gus Agars and Pat Bourke. It comes out October 4. Ding Dong – October 11.

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE horrorshow

SEP 27: Star Bar, Bendigo OCT 17: The Karova, Ballarat OCT 18: The Wool Exchange, Geelong

THE CAPITAL (Bendigo): Women of Note and Friends CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind from 5pm. Live with live entertainment and DJ COURTHOUSE ARTS : Sophia Gaia ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday EDGE GEELONG: Live entertainment plus DJ

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Good Faces 4 Radio

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live band & DJs Main Room and Terrace, open from 9pm THE LOFT (WARRNAMBOOL): Money For Rope THE MAX HOTEL: Trojan THE SPHINX HOTEL: Retro Ago-Go THE VUEGRAND: Faulty Towers the Dining Experience

BAR PIZZA: Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Hungry Kids of Hungary, Little Scout, Baptism of Uzi BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman, Masters Of Dartness 8:30pm

THE LOFT: Candice Mcleod THE MAX HOTEL: $12 Parmi All Day All Night, Inquizitive Trivia from 7.30pm

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Riversnake BEAVS BAR: Rosco Live

THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13

Bridge Hotel: Hugo Race and the Fatalists with Sacri Cuori

BEAVS BAR: Corey Branan, Murdena and Nathan Seeks (Band Room), Jack Harmen (Main Room) BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 8pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets BRIDGE HOTEL: Thomas Hugh and Jessie Storm

Friday September 20th

AT THE HEADS: Live music from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads)

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia EDGE GEELONG: Live entertainment plus DJ LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Student and Industry Night Free Entry OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Gleny Ray Virus and the Tamworth Playboys THE SPHINX HOTEL: Carvery from $17.00

Monday September 23rd

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: $10 Parmis COURTHOUSE ARTS: SOPHIA GAIA ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

Saturday September 21st

GPAC: The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

BRIDGE HOTEL: The Bellwether Band, Free

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Hot Club Party

THE KAROVA LOUNGE: The Delta Riggs with The Walking Who

Bingo with Balls! From 7.30pm Free Entry

BLACK HATT: Homegrown Sunday Sesh Piano Night from 6pm

The Capital: Victoria Welsh Male Choir

GPAC:The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, MSO- Tribute To the Empress

Thursday September 19th

Sunday September 22nd

LORD NELSON HOTEL: Steak/Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11

CITY QUARTER BAR: Footy on The Big Screen CHINESE WHISPERS: Scndl, Generik & Butters COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Mr Hyde

BARKING DOG: Flashback Fridays with live band Juke Box Hero

EDGE: Live entertainment plus DJ

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Johnny Casino and the Secrets plus guests

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Thom

GPAC: The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie THE KAROVA LOUNGE: The Kremlings

CITY QUARTER BAR: 50% off Menu

BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Happy Hour 5- 7pm

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia

BEAVS BAR: Jesse Reid Live

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night

BLACK HATT: Cor Ten, Drink Promos from 5-7

EUREKA HOTEL: Purple Sneaker DJs and many more

Bridge Hotel: Tank Dilemma feat. Richard Tankard 8:30

MARTIANS CAFE: Hot Club Swing

GOLD DIGGERS ARMS: Bogan Bingo Its

Davey Lane (You Am I) 11pm

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Hydrosis

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live Band & DJs Mainroom and Terrace. Open from 9pm THE LOFT: Cherrywood THE MAX HOTEL: Hey Charger

Tuesday September 24th

COURTHOUSE ARTS: SOPHIA GAIA ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free)

Wednesday September 25th

BARKING DOG: Parmi Night from $13.90 BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Trivia Night from 7:30pm BEAVS BAR: Karaoke, Open Mic and Andy Forster THE BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): Open Mic

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COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia

THE LOFT: Tarryn Hawker

CITY QUARTER BAR: 50% off Menu

THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night – great prizes from 8.30pm till 10.30pm GPAC: The Sweet Desire Comedy Burlesque- Le Prequel GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 THE LOFT: Jinja Safari THE MAX HOTEL: $12 Steak Nights THE SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in)

Thursday September 26th

THE BARWON CLUB: Jinja Safari BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman, Masters of Dartness 8:30pm BAR PIZZA : Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman BEAVS BAR: Bob Evans (Band Room), Dave Anderson (Main Room)

THEATRE ROYALE: The Basics THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13

Friday September 27th

AT THE HEADS: Live music from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) BARKING DOG: Flashback Fridays with Live Band Juke Box Hero THE BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Happy Hour 5-7pm BEAVS BAR: Hayden Scott BLACK HATT: Drink promos from 5pm till 7pm (free entry) Live Band Blue Jam THE BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): Barbarion, 180 Proof CITY QUARTER BAR: Friday Unwind with live music then DJ

Saturday September 28th

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Shandelle Cooke

BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): Mcalpine’s Fusiliers

OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Sarah Wilkinson

BEAVS BAR: Butters Live

CHINESE WHISPERS: Grand Final Party ft. Joel Fletcher, Hey Sam & Spacey Space CITY QUARTER BAR: live music and DJ Footy on The Big Screen COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia EDGE GEELONG: Live music and DJ ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Live music with Regular Boys - 9.30 till midnight GPAC: The Sweet Desire Comedy Burlesque- Le Prequel THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Tim Tonic Hulsman HOME HOUSE: Josh and Dale, Bec and George (The Block), Samual James and DJ A.K.

EDGE GEELONG: Live music plus DJ ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday

THE OLD HEPBURN HOTEL: Michelle Parsons (Classic Covers 60s-00s)

CITY QUARTER BAR: 50% Off Menu

GPAC: The Sweet Desire Comedy Burlesque- Le Prequel

EUREKA HOTEL: Angels and Demons Party feat. Miss Courtney Mills

THE LOFT: Bob Evans

BARWON CLUB HOTEL: $10 Parmis COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night LORD NELSON HOTEL: Steak/Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D

Tuesday October 1st

BRIDGE HOTEL: Emlyn Johnson, Peter Bibby and Fireman’s Ball

The Karova Lounge: Yacht Club DJ’s with The Bennies and Bel Air

Monday September 30th

THE LOFT: The Woohoo Revue THE MAX HOTEL: Hey Charger

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night

SPHINX HOTEL: Carvery from $17.00

THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Figjam

SIMONDS STADIUM: A Show for Casey feat. The You Am I Allstars, Paul Dempsey, Regurgitator, Missy Higgins and lots more.

THE KAROVA LOUNGE: Jinja Safari and Cub Sport

BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 8pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia

LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Student & Industry Night (Free entry all night) w/ Live band & DJs in the Mainroom and Terrace

Sunday September 29th

BARWON CLUB: BEASTWARS (NZ)

GATEWAY HOTEL: Morning Melodies

THE MAX HOTEL: Adventure Playground

BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): The Bellwether Band, Free

GPAC: The Sweet Desire Comedy Burlesque- Le Prequel.

THEATRE ROYALE: Regurgitator

COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia

THE SPHINX HOTEL: Retro Ago-Go

EDGE GEELONG: Live music plus DJ

BRIDGE HOTEL: Trivia Night hosted by Lifon from 7.30pm, free event THE CAPITAL: In the Mood (1940’s Musical Revue) COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free)

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THE FORTE VENUE GUIDE! THE BARKING DOG

chinese whispers

126 Pakington St. Geelong West

Cnr. Shorts Place. Geelong

50 Barwon Heads .................................... Rd. Belmont

bar pizza

Cunningham Pier, Geelong

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137 Pakington St. Geelong

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BARWON CLUB 509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

CITY QUARTER

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23 The Esplanade. Torquay

CLOUD 9

96 Pakington St. Geelong West

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Club TITANIUM

BARWON HEADS HOTEL

....................................

1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

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THE BASEMENT 159 159 Moorabool St. Geelong

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BEAVS BAR 77 Little Malop St. Geelong

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black hatt 54 Little Myers St. Geelong

GEELONG RSL

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

eastern station

81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

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THE EDGE

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

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GROWLERS ....................................

HOME HOUSE

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IRISH MURPHY'S 30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

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JACK AND JILL 247 Moorabool St. Geelong

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LAMBYS Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE ....................................

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

THE MAX hotel ....................................

....................................

THE EUREKA

THE BLUESTONE

98 Little Malop St. Geelong

103 Marr St. Ballarat

....................................

MRS. HYDE

THE gateway HOTEL

....................................

Bridge hotel castlemaine

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

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THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

11 Malop St. Geelong

331 Mair St. Ballarat

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RUMORS SLATE Pool Lounge 50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

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THE SPHINX 2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

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TOAST 114 Moorabool St. Geelong

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TORQUAY HOTEL 36 Bell St. Torquay

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the wool exchange ENTERTAINMENT COMPLEX 44 Corio St. Geelong

the unicorn

THE CARLTON HOTEL

The Gateway Hotel

21 Malop St. Geelong

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

236 Main Rd. Hepburn Springs

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Peter Lalor Hotel

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mt Duneed

....................................

odyssey

236-258 Surfcoast Hwy

21 Walker St. Castlemaine

15 James St. Geelong

5 James St. Geelong 40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

....................................

158 McKillop St. Geelong

OPIUM BAR

Old Hepburn Hotel

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127 Sturt St. Ballart

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the yarra hotel 120 Lydiard St. Ballarat

BEASTWARS SEP 29: the barwon club, geelong

Wednesday October 2nd

BARKING DOG: Parmi Night from $13.90 BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Trivia Night from 7:30pm BEAVS BAR: Karoke, Open Mic and Dave Anderson THE BRIDGE HOTEL (CASTLEMAINE): Open Mic THE CAPITAL (BENDIGO): In the Mood (1940’s Musical Revue CITY QUARTER BAR: 50% off Menu COURTHOUSE ARTS: Sophia Gaia ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 THE LOFT: The Doctor THE MAX HOTEL: $12 Steak Night THE SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in)

Thursday October 3rd

BAR PIZZA: Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Murphy’s Law (USA) BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Open Mic Night w/ Dave Dorman, Masters of Dartness BRIDGE HOTEL: Open Mic BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 8pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets CITY QUARTER BAR: 50% Off Menu ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Asahi Seafood & Chips Night GPAC: The Red Tree THE KAROVA LOUNGE: Davey Lane (You Am I) THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi All Day All Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13

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Veeped Bored Co Present

“The Best Granny Day Ever” SATURDAY 28th SEPTEMBER

The Barwon Club Hotel- GEETROIT

Bands, DJ’s and FOOTY on the BLOODY BIG SCREEN Featuring: SAGAMORE, ATOLLS, NATHAN SEECKTS, MOLUCK, CHOOK, JOHNNY EL PAJERO, THE MUD TIGER FAMILY BAND AND MORE... FORTEMAG.COM.AU

Bring Me the Horizon written By Natalie Rogers

Some problems are universal, no matter how rich, famous or … metal you are. Last week I caught up with Matt Nicholls, drummer for UK metalcore kings Bring Me the Horizon, during an unfortunate spot of car trouble. After he apologised profusely for keeping me waiting, we went on to chat about their upcoming Australian tour, their latest release ‘Sempiternal’, and the band’s early years in their hometown of Sheffield. “We’ve always said, from the very first time we came to Australia, that it’s an exciting place to be. It’s surreal for us. Even though it’s on the other side of the world we get so much love from people out there that we want to keep coming back,” Matt said. “We have a lot of friends around the country in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne, and we get to hang out with them and we always have a good time.” Since dominating at this year’s Soundwave and spending the northern summer on the road with

the Vans Warped Tour, BMTH will be back in the country next month with some friends in tow. “This time we’re bringing some mates with us; from the US a band called Of Mice and Men, and from Osaka, Japan, Crossfaith. We’ve just started to get to know Of Mice and Men, although we met those guys years ago. We thought it would be a good idea to take them out on the road with us because we saw them at Soundwave a bunch of times and they got huge cheers every time they played, so we thought they would make a great support. “Crossfaith are a band we’ve toured with before across the UK and they are just so crazy! They’re a really good live band. They’ll be the band in charge of getting the crowd going – and they do a really good job of it!” Sempiternal, the band’s fourth LP released in April, was nominated for a slew of Kerrang Awards including Best Album, Best Single and Best Video for ‘Shadow Moses’. None of this went unnoticed, and at the end of the night they were awarded the trophy for Best British Band. No small feat – other nominees were Enter Shikari, You Me at Six, Asking Alexandria and Young Guns. Matt tells me that from the onset of recording

Sempiternal they knew it was something special: “While making the album we had an inkling that we were doing some of the best stuff we’d ever done,” Matt revealed. “At the end of each session, listening back to what we’d just done, we’d look at each other like, ‘this is pretty good’ – do you know what I mean?” he laughed. “The feedback has been so positive. We couldn’t be more pleased with how it’s done, really. “I often think back to where we started. We’re really proud of where our band has come from. Back home in Sheffield [South Yorkshire, England] we never dreamed our band would get so big! We’ve been a band for ten years now, and for the first five or six years people wrote us off as just kids, like we couldn’t play our instruments and didn’t even know what we were doing. We’d play with bands that were a lot older than us and we’d have things thrown at us at shows! It was horrible, but we always stuck to our guns. We knew we wanted to be in a band and we didn’t care what anybody else said. “Because we came from being treated like sh*t, with everyone giving us grief and writing us off, it feels really good to get that recognition. We were by no means an overnight success. We’ve

worked really hard for this, and I believe we are very deserving of a bit of success.” And so do their fans. With legions of followers across the globe, Bring Me the Horizon has earned the reputation of being the most influential and innovative band in the metal/hardcore scene today, something Matt puts down to their love of different genres of music and styles. “Being in the metal scene everyone wants to be as metal as possible. Everyone’s like, ‘I’m more metal then you blah, blah, blah, bullshit’, and we used to be like that too. “When we’d be writing a song, we’d disregard something if it didn’t sound heavy or fit into that sound. Soon we realised it was better to just do what we wanted. It doesn’t matter if it’s metal or not, it’s just good music. I think it sets us apart from the rest. We like to experiment and do different things and see how far we could take it. I think every band should do that.” When&Where: Festival Hall, Melbourne – October 9

Staff and Management of the EMC Group Geelong strongly enforce a no-drug policy. Enjoy great music & drinks whilst staying drug-free.

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Horrorshow By Cameron Brogden

Sydney hip hop duo Horrorshow have returned with their third album, King Amongst Men, which debuted at #2 a couple of weeks ago. To support the album, they’ll be touring the country both as headliners, and as part of the Sprung Festival. I caught up with Solo to discuss the new album and the tour, as well as hip hop in general. Hitting number two in the first week is no mean feat; I asked Solo how the boys were feeling about it. “We’re pretty stoked. It’s a pretty unexpected result,” Solo said. “Obviously we have been away for a long time, as far as putting out records. Our last one was four years ago, so there’s been a real hunger, I think, amongst our fan base for new music, and they just really got behind us and so many of them preordered the album through Elefant Traks and JB HiFi; those pre-orders went a long way to contributing to that chart debut. So yeah, we’re stoked, and it’s obviously a great result and a great indicator of the level of support that our listeners show us in actually putting their money where their mouth is and picking up the record.” When it comes to tracks on the album, Solo doesn’t like playing favourites. “It changes; it’s like asking a parent to pick a favourite child,” he explained. “You listen to every track for so long that you develop a kind of attachment to a lot of them. But I guess … It changes, but tracks like ‘Dead Star Shine’ and ‘Down the Line’ are songs that I’m particularly proud of – and same with ‘Own Backyard’.”

It seems as though every song on the new album has its own message, but don’t call them political. “I think every time we release an album we wanna make sure that it has a message. That’s a real priority in what we do with our music. That’s always the central thing to what we do, is to have a message,” Solo said. “As to whether we set out to make it political or whatever, no, I don’t think we decided we wanted to make a political album. It’s more so that I started to think about some issues to do with our past and to do with our present and how those things are connected. “Obviously on a track like ‘Own Backyard’, which is obviously all about how we’ve treated our Indigenous people, that can be perceived as a political issue, but I didn’t write about it in order to be political; I wrote about it to say what I thought needed to be said about it, and that came from a personal motivation more than anything. It’s inherently political, but it’s been interesting to me in the wake of releasing the album, and doing the interviews like the one we’re doing right now, and people are asking me a lot more questions about politics and asking me whether I wanted to make something political.” He went on. “Obviously I knew we were touching on those issues and that concept when we were making the record, but I never really came at it from the mindset of wanting to be political; it’s just these are the kind of things that I’ve been thinking about. I just wanted to speak my peace. I guess that dimension has always been there to our records; we’ve always slipped in little lines here and there. It’s just more obvious on this record.” When&Where: Star Bar, Bendigo – September 27; The Karova, Ballarat – October 17; The Wool Exchange, Geelong – October 18

Mantra By Natalie Rogers

It’s a beautiful spring afternoon and you’re one of Australia’s best and most respected rappers. What are you up to? “Pacing around my big empty house, taking little pot-shots at my indoor hoop between interviews,” Melbourne emcee Mantra replies with a cheekiness in his voice. Things start off light and fun as he talks about his recent time on the road with buddy Grey Ghost, supporting hip hop juggernaut Seth Sentry. “It’s been flat out – totally balls to the wall in terms of my level of activity, but everything is quite exciting. I don’t mind being a workaholic when the work is so fun, and getting ready for my album to drop has been keeping me really busy!” Mantra continued. But as the interview progresses his tone becomes a little more serious as he talks about making his latest record. “The process of this album was an interesting one. Making a record is always emotionally draining, for me at least, ‘cause I pour my heart and soul into it and there were a whole lot of obstacles and setbacks I encountered along the way. When I first started I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to get it out quickly and keep the momentum going from my last release. Soon I realised I wasn’t happy, and there was a moment where I said ‘I can’t do this!’” Help came in the form of a little sage advice from a couple of friends: “I hang out a lot with Grey Ghost and his wife Julia, who are two of my best friends and a constant source of inspiration to me. And we collaborate a lot as well. They both played quite a big

part in this record, particularly Julia. They basically just said to me, ‘dude you’re making yourself crazy! You’re putting all this pressure on yourself. Just do want you want to do and take your time with it’. “Even though it was so simple and obvious, it was the best advice I’ve ever received! As soon as they said that I immediately fell to the floor and breathed a massive sigh of relief. I was overjoyed with a rush of creative liberty, and the direct result of that conversation was three tracks on the album, two of which have become the first two singles.” The singles that Mantra is referring to is radio anthem ‘Loudmouth’ and the thought-provoking ‘Break Tradition’, both standouts on an album full of insightful tales, aptly titled Telling Scenes, the third instalment of Mantra’s The Power of the Spoken Trilogy. His ability to bring his words to life with carefully crafted precision is a rare talent. “There are a few tracks on the album that are going to be a joy to play live, but one that really stands out is the one I played on the Loudmouth Single Tour earlier in the year. It’s a song called ‘Quicksilver’. It’s something that’s really fresh. It’s an acoustic track and I wasn’t sure at first how it would be received, but after the set other emcees approached me to say it was their favourite song.” You can hear those tracks and others on Telling Scenes (out now). When&Where: The Evelyn, Melbourne – October 11

Northeast Party House By Natalie Rogers

Smell that? Spring is now officially in full bloom, and with the arrival of warmer weather comes feelings of joyful anticipation for the upcoming festival season. One of the first on the calendar is the 17th annual Queenscliff Music Festival and the line-up is cause for celebration among the punters and performers alike. One act that’s truly digging the event is Melbourne’s indie ‘it’ band, Northeast Party House. “We’ve been given a really good timeslot at the festival and I think it’ll be our biggest show to date, so we’re nervous and excited,” guitarist Jack Shoe told Forte last week. “Every kid growing up who learns to play an instrument dreams of playing it at a festival. Walking onto a big stage with a massive audience is so exhilarating – it’ll definitely be a highlight.” This year’s line-up is bigger and better than ever before, with over sixty of the country’s top acts rolling into town – and Jack has plans to catch a few. “I’m not sure who’s playing on what night, but The Preatures are a band I haven’t seen yet but I’ve been following ever since their first single. They seem to be absolutely killing it. From all accounts they’re a great live band and I’d love to check them out. I also haven’t seen The Murlocs, I’ve just seen videos – they’re local to the coast. They play some cool rockin’ tunes, so I’d like to check them out as well.” After enduring a self-confessed long winter indoors, Jack says he and the guys are looking forward to getting back on the road. “Melbourne is sooo grim in winter – we’re looking forward to spring. It’s been

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a hard winter. We’ve been stuck in the studio with no outside interaction, trying to finish the album. The deadline for finishing is the beginning of December, so by the time we play Queenscliff we’ll have more songs ready and we should be able to play quite a few from the new album.“ If the latest released track ‘Youth Allowance’ is any indication, it’ll be a summer party soundtrack. “We‘re definitely excited for summer to come to spread some good vibes. We want it to have a lot of energy and to recreate our live show. That’s the main focus. Because we’ve been working on it for over a year, our influences have changed a lot. The early demos are very dance based; disco tracked with a lot of focus on the synths. But earlier this year we started working with guitars a lot more and we were listening to more rocky stuff – kinda like Arctic Monkeys guitar-driven stuff, and more recently the sound has gone back to when we first started the band; a more chaotic, loose sound. “We’re in a good head space ‘cause we’re about to go out on tour. The last few weeks we’ve been locked up at home trying to relearn our songs!” Jack laughed. “We’re touring with The Jungle Giants all through October, so we’ll get to play some new songs then … and we’ll have them well and truly down by the time we take the stage at Queenscliff.” When&Where: The Hi-Fi, Melbourne – October 4 & 6 (U18); The Karova, Ballarat – October 5; Queenscliff Music Festival

TALK OF THE

TOWN!

Keepin' it Regional!

min&mal

the murlocs

beastwars

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Talk of the Town: Where heaven is a place on earth. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

The Ballad of McAlpine’s Fusiliers Did you know that McAlpine’s Fusiliers is a famous Irish ballad written by Dominic Behan? It refers to Sir Robert “Concrete Bob” McAlpine, founder of the British construction firm that bears his name. Of course you did; you’re the smartest readers of any free publication. It is, of course, also the namesake of a band that combines traditional folk instrumentation with a punk rhythm. McAlpine’s Fusiliers have rounded up folks from Bendigo, Geelong and Melbourne to make their sound, something that has been described as Swaggie Punk. The band released their debut album, Sons & Daughters of the Soil in 2007; their latest is When Giants Walked Our Streets. In the words of the band: “The new album, like the band, is a statement of the resilience and celebration for those on stage and the dozens of non-playing members.” The Bridge, Castlemaine – September 28. .........................................................................

Desecrator & Decimatus Doubleheader Bendigo is in store for a double dose of the heavier side of life with Desecrator and Decimatus set to pay Music Man a visit early next month. The venue has proven to be a fantastic local supporter of the live music scene and this show is certainly no exception. It has been a bit of a mixed year for Desecrator. The band bid farewell to two if its servants and welcomed two newbies to the fold. However, they also released their limited edition 10” vinyl, Down to Hell. If twin guitar thrash metal is your flavour, this is your band. In January 2012, Decimatus launched their debut EP, The Betrayer, to a nearly full house at The Corner. A second EP followed later that year. According to their Facebook page they are currently working on their debut full-length album. They, too, recently welcomed a new drummer. Music Man Megastore, Bendigo – October 4. .........................................................................

Back to Basics Well, The Basics are off and running on their tour which sees them returning to the stage following a three-year hiatus. The time hasn’t been wasted. Tim Heath knuckled down on the film The Rise and Rise of Richard Latté, while Kris Schroeder spent time working with the Red Cross in Kenya. Wally de Backer, that Gotye fella, did a few things as well. Speaking about the return of The Basics earlier in the year, Wally said: “It’s been a great challenge nutting out how to bring a large band, visuals and studio compositions together for the Gotye live shows over the last two years … But right now I’m looking forward to getting sweaty behind the drums and playing rock ‘n’ roll in these fab clubs with my brothers Kris and Tim.” The tour is on the back of new single, ‘So Hard for You’, a ‘70s-influenced old school rocker. The Bridge, Castlemaine – September 26. .........................................................................

The Red Tree Grows on Stage The Blink Dance Company is a dance theatre company based in Geelong that aims to create work that “touches the human spirit; work that is brave, entertaining and enriching”. The company is behind a wonderful adaptation of Shaun Tan’s award-winning book, The Red Tree. Released in 2001, The Red Tree is a picture book inspired by the experience of depression. In Shaun’s words: “The Red Tree is a story without any particular narrative; a series of distinct imaginary worlds as selfcontained images which invite readers to draw their own meaning in the absence of any written explanation.” It has been translated into numerous languages. The production features an original musical score by Kirstin Honey and media design by Mel Chapman. Shenton Performing Arts Centre – October 3, 4 & 5. * The event will also host a community art exhibition.

telecommunications company that had some hip dude fold up his apartment? Well, the song in that ad was Parr’s ‘1922 Blues’. Soon enough the songman was supporting Paul Kelly and charming his way onto the stage of The Falls, Sunset Sounds, Southbound and Wave Rock. Several of his songs would also be included in the soundtrack to the 2010 Australian film, Red Hill. Influenced by the likes of Charlie Patton, Bukka White and Revered Gary Davis, Parr’s east coast blues style makes the 12-string guitar and banjo sing. The tour supports his latest release, 2013’s Barnswallow, but if you’re a fan you may also want to check out Charlie Parr: Last Night I Dreamed I Saw Paul Bunyan. Produced by Chaperone, in conjunction with The Meeting Team and Les Sangliers Associatifs, Last Night... is a unique multimedia package featuring a DVD of the film Meeting Charlie Parr, a vinyl LP containing 40-odd minutes of material recorded during the film production and an mp3 download card for the nine tracks. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – November 1. .........................................................................

The Wise Guyz, eh Rockabilly and Ukraine are two words you probably haven’t come across too often in the same sentence, but setting out to change that is Wise Guyz. The band came together around 1999-2000 out of Kharkov, the second largest city of Ukraine, located to the north-east. Led by Chris Bird, the band started out playing neo-rockabilly and old-school psychobilly. The years since have seen changes in both style and line-up, and nowadays the band is true rockabilly. Well-known in Ukraine and Russia, the band began branching out in 2010, playing shows in Germany, followed later by dates in Spain. Their latest release is Let’s Rock the Floor. If you have a spare two and a half minutes you can check out a live performance of the title track via YouTube. The Karova, Ballarat – October 31. Joining in on the hip-swingin’ party will be Rock ‘A’ Dees.

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Watermelon Slim Sings the Blues Watermelon Slim is the stage name of Bill Homans, a bluesman who has just about done it all. Born in Boston, Slim was raised in North Carolina, listening to the housekeeper sing along to John Lee Hooker. He attended top liberal arts college Middlebury but left to enlist in Vietnam. While laid up in a Vietnam hospital bed, he taught himself to play guitar – on an upsidedown left-handed $5 balsawood slide guitar using a rusty coffee can top as a pick and an Army issued Zippo lighter as a slide. He first appeared on the music scene with the release of what is believed to be the only known protest record by a veteran during the Vietnam War. Slim: “I’ve lived a fuller life than most people could in two … I’ve seen an awful lot and I’ve done an awful lot. If my plane went down tomorrow, I’d go out on top.” The Piping Hot Chicken Shop – October 12. He’ll be joined by Fiona Boyes.

Charlie Parr in Dreamland Every now and again we stumble upon an artist through a song in a film, TV series or even an advertisement. In the case of Minnesota’s Charlie Parr, it is the last of the three. Remember that ad for a certain telephone

Just a Bunch of Clowns

Important Reminder – Casey Tutungi Izzy Losi Braves the Storm Born and bred Geelong gal Izzy Losi was introduced to piano at a young age, a moment which would shape her life journey. Immediately drawn to music, Izzy spent years exploring and learning all she could about the art. Likened to artists including Missy Higgins, Florence Welch and Kate Miller-Heidke, Izzy received a legup when she became a successful applicant in the Victorian government’s Music Industry Mentoring Program run by FReeZA Central. Under the guidance of Monique Brumby, Izzy would learn a lifetime’s worth of experience. A 2011 Queenscliff Music Festival Scholarship followed, allowing her to record her debut EP, Outlast the Storm. It was around this time she decided she would like a little company, and so her band ‘The Auracles’ was formed. A second release is planned for 2014. Beav’s Bar, Geelong – October 11.

Don’t forget that there is a very special show taking place at Simonds Stadium, Geelong on September 29: A Show for Casey. The You Am I All Stars, Lisa Mitchell, Paul Dempsey, Regurgitator, Adalita, The Bamboos, Dan Sultan and Yacht Club DJs will all perform. Organised by Falls Festival promoter Simon Daly, the show’s aim is to raise funds for Casey Tutungi, a talented footballer who was left a quadriplegic following a freak on-field accident. Further information can be found through caseytutungi.com. You can also make a donation if you wish.

Earlier in the year The Spoils took in a show at The Bridge in Castlemaine where, like many a romantic movie, there was a little something in the air. Chemistry if you will. And so it is that the band will return to the venue in November – which is just enough time to make the heart grow fonder. Originally called The Losing End, the band formed out of St Kilda at the end of the 20th century. In 2001 they released their debut album, Hurtsville. In 2003 they decided to head for sunnier territory, heading to Brisbane to begin work on a new album. The result would be 2005’s Goodnight Victoria. The Crook, The Cloak & The Maiden has since followed (2009). As well as their three albums, the band has supported artists including Cat Power, The Church, The Drones, Mick Harvey, The Flying Burrito Brothers and Hugo Race. The Bridge, Castlemaine – November 2.

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With recent outings at Melbourne’s soldout Poison City Weekend and Brisbane’s BIGSOUND, it seems like everyone wants a little piece of Melbourne’s Clowns. Fair enough too, as their hardcore punk will slap you upside the head. The band is releasing their debut album I’m Not Right next month and they’re hitting the road to bring it to you. Recorded with Lindsay Gravina, the album follows a series of self-released sold-out 7”s. The tour kicks off at The Karova, Ballarat on October 11 where they’ll be joined by The Bennies, Lizard Punch and The Savages. Other dates include Yahoo Bar, Shepparton on October 25 and Dive Bar, Geelong on October 26.

All Day Adalita

The Spoils of War Music

I don’t have to tell you about the musical quality that comes out of Fremantle. While we are familiar with bands such as Little Birdy, Eskimo Joe and The Waifs, The Brow Horn Orchestra is one that may not ring as loud a bell. To those readers familiar with the ensemble, you may be screaming: ‘How do you not know?!’ The band was born when members Nicholas Owen and Karri Harper Meredith started busking on the streets of Fremantle back in 2007. Little by little the duo blossomed into something bigger, and soon The Brow, as they were known then, became The Brow Horn Orchestra. At its core the band is Nicholas and Karri along with Ben Lanzon, Sky Eaton and Ben Fear, with a string of other musos helping them out along the way. Think Afro-electro, pop, ska, indie, hip hop and dub fused together. Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs – November 17.

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Pete Cornelius Rises Up He is yet to hit thirty years of age, but next month sees the release of album number eight for Tasmania’s Pete Cornelius. Along with his band the DeVilles, Pete has been living and breathing the blues for over a decade. He has performed at festivals including Bluesfest, The Great Southern Blues Festival, Blues on Broadbeach, Thredbo Blues Festival, The Australian Blues Festival and Forth Valley Blues Festival, and in 2007 spent three months in Chicago. The band started out as a hard-hitting Texas blues band, belting out tunes by Stevie Ray Vaughan and Hendrix. These days thing may be a little different, but blues is still at the heart of it. As for the new album, it’s called Groundswell and it features six originals and a handful of covers of Ray LaMontagne, Al Green, Otis Rush, Tom Waits and Freddy King. Babushka, Ballarat – October 31.

Can You Handle Brow Horn Orchestra?

Tomorrow (September 20) sees the release of All Day Venus, the sophomore solo release from the effortlessly cool Adalita. The Magic Dirt frontwoman released her first material as a solo artist in 2006 when she performed two cover songs for the soundtrack to Aussie film, Suburban Mayhem. Although she never intended to walk the solo road, she was eventually persuaded by the late Dean Turner who would take on production duties. Dean sadly passed away during production, but the self-titled release would see the light of day in 2011. Despite any reservations she may have had, the album received a string of warm reviews and showed that she had the ability to stand on her own two feet. Earlier in the year she announced via her Facebook page that she was entering the studio with long-time producer Lindsay Gravina to begin work on what would become All Day Venus. Jim White from Dirty Three would spend a couple of days recording drums for the album. In June Adalita appeared on RockWiz to perform new track, ‘I Want Your Love’, and the following month she performed a small run of shows where she previewed another new track, ‘All Day Venus’. The Barwon Club, Geelong – October 11 & The Karova, Ballarat – October 12. Both shows will feature support from Laura Jean.

Planning a function?

Forte's got you covered!

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Barwon Club Situated just a stone’s throw from the ambience of the Barwon River stands a venue with a special ambience of its very own. The iconic Barwon Club has the atmosphere, function areas, facilities, flexibility, food and beverage options and attention to detail to make a roaring success of your next birthday party, engagement party, work or club function. Outside The Barwon Club patrons can take advantage of the modern, relaxing ‘Barn’ function area that has become a real highlight for many over the past four years. Featuring an indoor bar of its own and opening onto an alfresco area, the Barn is the ideal place to host a daytime or evening function any time of the week and at any time of the year. From a gourmet barbecue with mates to a deliciously catered finger-food engagement party right through to a fully catered sit-down meal, the Barn is the perfect setting. The Barn can host 40 to 140 people and food and beverage packages can be discussed with the chef and manager to meet patrons’

Two Sugars Since the completion of renovations in September, Two Sugars Highton is excited to invite patrons to host your next function at Highton’s newest and exciting authentic pizza bar. We offer a rustic Italian café dining experience able to cater for up to 70 guests and families at a time. Available for both seated and standing functions, Two Sugars in Highton is available for private events upon booking. Offering set menus of three to four courses, or an abundance of canapé options Two Sugars is able to cater to the tastes of a range of guests.

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The premises also offers ample room to include live music options ranging from bands to DJ’s, or is able to offer the use of an internal sound system to play music fitting of the restaurants ambience. Also offering bookings for up to twenty people for breakfast, lunch or dinner options seven days a week, we can help you to celebrate birthdays, corporate events, engagements and anniversaries in a style and ambience unique to Two Sugars. Location: 7/65-71 Barrabool Rd, Highton Contact: 03 5244 5711

every requirement and budget. Inside a second great function area option is available – with a special twist. The Back Lounge can seat up to 120 people for functions and with a dance floor, stage and its own PA system, the Lounge transforms into a band room, allowing gigs hosting audiences of up to 300 people. Barwon Club owner Greg Dodds said both function areas at the Barwon Club offered something different. “The Barn has a really fantastic party atmosphere because of the way it’s set up, with the indoor/outdoor areas a wonderful advantage,” he said. “And the Back Lounge/Band Room is a unique venue to host all kinds of gigs.” For more information and to discuss your next function call The Barwon Club on 5221 4584. Location: 509 Moorabool Street, South Geelong Phone: 03 5221 4584

The Yardz Hotel An old school corner pub with a local down to earth feel, The Yardz Hotel invites you to take a seat and make yourselves at home. Your hosts at The Yardz are Helen, Katey and Bootzz . They know the pub game like the back of their hand and that is why they have helped the venue transform into one of Geelong’s most familyfriendly establishments. A true local pub, The Yardz has proudly sponsored the North Geelong Football and Netball Club for season 2013. At their bistro you will find a fantastic lunch and dinner menu. Lunch items include The Yardz Shepherd’s Pie, Seafood Pappardelle Pasta and Pumpkin Gnocchi. Dinner items include Twice Cooked Lamb Shanks with all the trimmings and Crispy Skinned Atlantic Salmon. If you’re having a little trouble deciding, you can make up your own entrée plate. Feel like a drink before a bite to eat? Take a seat at their bar and enjoy the warm

ambience and friendly atmosphere. The little ones are made to feel especially welcome. Like any good venue, The Yardz has your function needs covered. Inside or out, you’ll be taken care of. Outside is a particular treat with the venue offering a spacious beer garden with undercover gas heating for when there is a chill in the air. They also have Foxtel, a jukebox and a separate bar. Have you got a special request when it comes to food? Have a chat with them to see how they can help you. If you have a function coming up give Kate a buzz on 0439 376 587. Alternatively, you can give the hotel a bell on 5278 7257. Seats up to 100 plus. Website: theyardz.com.au. Location: 77 Church Street, Geelong West Phone: 03 5278 7257 Opening hours: 10.30am to midnight

Grovedale Hotel Speaking with Joel Taylor from The Grovedale Hotel, it seems there is a lot on offer at this local gem. “At the Grovedale Hotel we have four options for your function needs,” he tells. “The Wisteria room can cater for up to 120 people either informal or formal occasions. If you’re looking for a formal event for up to 220 we can transform our award winning Portofino’s Restaurant into your ideal function room. If you are looking to party the night away, our Tiger Bar can hold up to 160 people and is complete with dance floor, stage, nightclub lighting, private beer garden and lounge area. Our final option is our alfresco dining area which can cater for up to 50 guests for formal occasions or 70 informal. This is the ideal summer location with private terrace and a casual feel.” Given so many fabulous options The Grovedale Hotel really can cater for everything; informal and formal, they’ve got you covered. Aesthetically the venue is a sight to behold with a French provincial them imbuing the Wisteria

Function Room and Portofino’s Restaurant. Whilst the Tiger Bar has a more relaxed feel for all styles of celebratory events, and the alfresco area has a casual dining feel for the smaller more intimate functions,” Joel beams. With some incredible feedback from patrons and party goers indeed it’s not just Joel that sees how much this local gem has to offer, “Our customers often remark about our large choice of options both for food and also rooms and styles. We offer a high quality of customer service that is well regarded by our customer base. Our function manager Peta Tanis and her team are ready and waiting to handle your function enquiry today.” Location: 236 Surfcoast Hwy Grovedale Phone: 03 52432814 Opening Hours: Venue 9am – 5am and Functions 7am – 1am

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Hygeia on the Bay Weddings, parties, everything is the motto of Hygeia III, a 20-metre Catamaran where passengers are rockstars and life is sweet. First, a little history… Hygeia I was built in Glasgow, Scotland in 1890 and commenced trips from Melbourne to Sorrento and Queenscliff the same year. In 1931 it was stripped of its fittings and now rests in the ‘Ships Graveyard’ off Barwon Heads. Hygeia II was built by the Cayser Brothers boat builders in Queenscliff in 1962. Operating as a ferry, it provided over 20,000 crossings off Port Phillip Heads. The Peters family purchased the vessel in 1985 and an extensive 18-month renovation was undertaken. They commenced operating from North Wharf (now Docklands) in 1987 before relocating to Geelong in 1992. In February 2012 a new chapter began. Hygeia III comfortably caters for up to 150 guests and specialises in upmarket gourmet cocktail parties. It features a huge 9x3 metre polished dance floor, polished timber tables and a brand new fully licensed cocktail bar. Hygeia III comes with full disabled/wheelchair friendly access. The upstairs

Slate Pool Lounge Are you looking for a function with a twist; a sense of something different and a sense of something truly cool? Then welcome to Slate Pool Lounge. A stylish pool club boasting the finest tables and sleekest furnishings Slate is certainly a location that will have people talking. With tables given the stamp of approval by owner and renowned local snooker champ Johl Younger, a game of pool is always a great way to break the game and break the ice with your guests. Much more than your average pool lounge though, Slate offers a relaxing atmosphere that invites patrons to chill out with a beverage and be blown away by their latest state-of-the-art sound system, stylishly furnished three levels, mezzanine level and their popular outdoor room. Slate has thirteen

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large plasma screens showing music film clips as well as AFL matches. Featuring free function room hire the team at Slate are dedicated to bringing their highest level of satisfaction to you and your partygoers. Their motto; it’s all about the fun, laughter and entertainment. During the week Slate plays host to a number of pool leagues for all skill levels with great prizes available. So if you want to evoke your inner hustler, show off your skills to a room full of family, friends or coworkers and of course have a whole lot of fun then contact Slate today about booking your next function. Location: 50 Little Ryrie Street, Geelong Phone: 03 5223 2911

area, meanwhile, has the captain’s wheelhouse and lounge area, and a fully appointed commercial kitchen overlooking a huge open sky deck. Weddings are a breeze for the ladies with a beautifully appointed powder room and exclusive toilet facilities. Birthdays, weddings, hen’s and buck’s nights, corporate and all special events are able to be catered for. Their Sunday Blues Cruise is a real treat. Salty Dog, Dog Gone South and Doc White are some of the artists on the menu. Roaming platters include Canapes, Asian inspired and seafood platters, sweets to die for, home made White Choc & Raspberry Brownies, Baileys infused Truffles & Choc dipped Strawberries. For your special occasion keep Hygeia in mind. For bookings and enquiries contact 5254 1111 or email partyon@ hygeia.com.au. Cruise in style on board Geelong’s biggest and most luxurious bay cruiser. Location: Fishermen's Pier, Yarra Street, Geelong Phone: 03 5254 1111 Email: partyon@hygeia.com.au

REST

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s 3UITABLE FOR ALL OCCASIONS INCLUDING ENGAGEMENTS MILESTONE BIRTHDAYS FAMILY GET TOGETHERS WORK BREAK UPS ANNIVERSARIES AND CORPORATE SEMINARS

Check out our website at grovedalehotel.com.au for the latest specials and band listings

Contact functions@grovedalehotel.com.au for all enquiries or phone 03 5249 2613 Grovedale Hotel - 236-258 Surfcoast Highway, Grovedale Victoria 3216 grovedalehotel.com.au |

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Leura Park Estate Established in 1995, Leura Park Estate has a winning reputation for its premium cool maritime climate wines, but it has so much more in store for you… The venue is proudly described by its owners as funky with a rustic chic setting, making it simultaneously casual and charismatic. By winter you can take the bite off the air by roaming by the fire; when the sun is shining you can enjoy al fresco dining under the market umbrellas. With so many venues around town, you have to have something special to get the crowds through, and Leura Park has that something special. The casual, rustic chic ambience is a real winner, and people can’t but help be swept away by the cellar door and surrounds. The food is as good as it gets. Stoned-based pizzas are their speciality, while other treats include seasonal homemade grazing platters, hot and cold canapés and brilliant cheeses. Match it with the perfect wine and finish things off with a freshly roasted coffee. When it comes to functions, Leura Estate has you covered. Their aim is to have you leave with a smile. With flexibility in function offerings and a great range of wines, beers and beverages available, your day will be smooth sailing. They believe that every function should reflect the personality of the person or people putting on the function, so work with them to make it perfect. Finally, something very special is in store for November with the arrival of the new POD. Recognised as the funkiest building on the Bellarine, POD has been likened to the Sydney Opera

The Sphinx Planning a function and want all the hard work and organisation taken care of for you? Look no further than The Sphinx Hotel. With specially tailored packages to suit every need and budget and a designated functions co-ordinator to turn your vision into a reality, your wedding, birthday, conference, exhibition, celebration or corporate function will be organised with ease and style, leaving you to simply enjoy a great time. The Sphinx Hotel’s ‘Luxor Lounge’ can be modified to cater for gatherings of 40 people to as many as 300, making it suitable for even the largest of events. It even has its own large dance floor. Functions co-ordinator Julie Siketa said The Sphinx Hotel could organise as little or as much of your function as you desire, with the arrangement of decorations, wedding cakes and entertainment from DJs or bands all part of the service. In addition, The Sphinx Hotel offers everything from finger-food packages through to three, four and five-course

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meal and beverage packages. While all menus can be tailored to suit individual budgets, tastes and dietary requirements, the venue’s sample menu selection certainly whets the appetite. Finger-food options could include everything from party pies to salt and pepper calamari. Main meals include quality fare ranging from Atlantic Salmon to Eye Fillet, also catering for vegetarians. So for your next function turn to The Sphinx Hotel’s ‘Luxor Lounge’ at 2 Thompson Road, North Geelong, phone 5278 2911 The Sphinx is open 7 days a week. “From your first enquiry until the last guest leaves, we’ll make it the night of your dreams,” Ms Siketa said. Location: 2 Thompson Road, North Geelong Phone: 03 5278 2911 Website: www.sphinxhotel.com.au

House. Do you have any questions? Get in touch with their Functions Manager Sharyn Evenden via functions@leuraparkestate. com.au or call 5253 3180. Opening hours are 10.30am to 5pm on Saturdays and Sundays. Throughout January the venue is open seven days. Private evening functions until 11pm. Leura Park Estate is located at 1400 Portarlington Road, Curlewis. Phone 5253 3180. Capacity 200 patrons. Website: leuraparkestate.com.au. Location: 1400 Portarlington Rd, Curlewis Phone: 03 5253 3180

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The Groove Train Located just under the walk bridge at Westfield is Geelong’s Groove Train. Step inside and experience the Groove Train’s retro vibe, funky atmosphere and fully stocked bar that make it an ideal venue to start your night on the town. Enjoy the large range of beverages and delicious meals on the menu that include various vegetarian and Gluten free options. The Groove Train can satisfy all you coffee lovers out there too, with a cup of award-winning brew from Melbourne roaster Veneziano. When it comes to functions the Groove Train is the perfect location for any occasion - from a family birthday dinner to a larger event. Let family and Friends enjoy the prime City Centre location as you sit amongst the table and booths whilst enjoying the wall features and funky music. All functions can be catered for, tables can be adjoined - or the larger

Croatian House Affectionately known as ‘The Dom’ to locals, Croatian House was formed in Geelong in 1957 by the local Croatian community to create a place of comfort and celebration. Pull up a seat in the Bistro and take a look at their menu. The difficultly won’t be in finding something that catches the eye, it will be in deciding on what to get. If you don’t have a care in the world, put your feet up and relax a while; if you have places to be and people to see, their express lunch may be the way to go. If you’re feeling lucky, Chequers gaming lounge has thirty machines to choose from. With friendly and attentive staff, you’ll feel like a winner regardless. Keep in mind that you can sign up as a member in the venue’s reward program. The venue has been offering functions of all sizes for 50 years. Whatever your budget, the Croatian House has you covered. Thinking of a place to

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hold an engagement or wedding? How about a birthday or work function? Guests can choose from a range of set menus to suit any budget. Have you got a special request? Have a chat to the crew to work something out. Using only the freshest and best ingredients, your function will be a guaranteed winner. Their bistro is open for lunch Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday from 12-2pm, and Friday night dinner operates from 5-9pm. Capacity is 275. You can contact the venue through functions@ ahdgeelong.com.au and 5278 2596. 93109 Separation Street, Bell Park. Website: ahdgeelong.com.au. Location: 93-109 Separation Street, Bell Park Phone: 03 5278 2596 Website: ahdgeelong.com.au

space can be booked out free of charge for bigger events. Food can be provided by set menu, the main menu or by Platters and finger foods – what ever you require. The Groove Train is a fully licensed venue can seat 320 people with both indoor and outdoor seating. call the friendly staff today on 0352290229 or book online www.groovetrain.com.au to organise your next function. Mon-wed 10am till late Thursday-Sunday 9am till late. Book function online or contact the shop Location: 21 Yarra St, Geelong Phone: 03 5229 0229 Website: groovetrain.com.au

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The Geelong Cats Located in the heart of Kardinia Park you will be amazed at the array of function and event facilities the Geelong Cats has to offer. Ample free parking for up to 500 vehicles we are only minutes from the CBD, accommodation facilities & less than 1 hours drive from Melbourne & smaller country towns. The location puts your next function in a memorable position. With up to 10 private rooms available, all of which have their own piece of history and unique story behind them, The Geelong Cats can accommodate for all types of events: Dinners, Conferences, Cocktail Functions, Weddings, Seminars, Christmas Celebrations and much more…The versatility of the rooms allows us to create a layout to meet your needs. Floor to ceiling glass in the rooms host stunning views over Simonds Stadium & surrounding parkland, leaving you and your guests with an everlasting impression, you will feel close to the action!! The highly trained functions team is dedicated to exceeding above & beyond your expectations, ensuring quality service and attention to details. The Head Chef specialises in fine dining that is affordable and our all staffs excel in customer service standards leaving you free and relaxed to enjoy your function. For all enquires for you next functions call 03 5225 2367 or email functions@geelongcats.com.au

Café Zoo Alive and Buzzing Café Zoo located in Drysdale only 15 minutes from Geelong offers you the unique opportunity to have you meeting, seminar, conference or special private function in an historical and unique venue – which makes us one of the most highly sought after function venues on the Bellarine. Café Zoo is fully licensed and is outfitted with the latest in technology, Café Zoo offers events from Business Meetings, to Christmas Parties to Boutique Wedding Receptions. The main function room has French doors leading out to a private alfresco area, perfect for that summer evening. All of the team, including the qualified Chefs combine their experience and passion to create the perfect atmosphere and experience for you and your guests. For those looking to stay in Drysdale Café Zoo is has packages with the local B&B Drysdale House which include breakfast at the Café.

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Café Zoo supports local talent such as talented guitarist Jamie Pye, recent Xfactor contestant Nick Tabone and acoustic trio CAIPRA who will soon be releasing their EP. It’s a great opportunity to perform while customers enjoy a meal and wine or simply a coffee and cake; while others stroll through the building enjoying the artwork. Café Zoo is a great meeting place, well known for its friendly and relaxed atmosphere and welcomes new customers to the ‘ Zoo family’. Cafe Zoo is located a 23 High St Drysdale, for more infomation call the venue on (03) 5251 5333 or check out the website www.cafezoo.com.au Address: 23 High Street, Drysdale Phone: 03 5251 5333 Website: www.cafezoo.com.au

Address: Simonds Stadium, Kilgour St, Geelong Phone: 03 5225 2367 Email: functions@geelongcats. com.au

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Elephant and Castle Boasting over 130 years of history, The Elephant and Castle feels like a home away from home. After one visit to this iconic Geelong venue, you will have discovered your new ‘local’. The warm and inviting atmosphere provides the perfect venue for groups of any size to come in, relax and have a good time on their next special occasion. Welcoming sit down dinners to cocktail or canape events, the Elephant and Castle is renowned for providing patrons with a variety of choices to cater to their every whim, taking all the stress out of the often chaotic planning process. With a large open bar, velvet-cushioned chairs and couches situated by beautiful red gum tables, this truly is the local pub experience at its most decadent. If you are looking for a venue that guarantees good

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food and the same high quality service then the Elephant and Castle is the place to be. Functions Manager, Mari-Carmen, says; “We are consistent in our service of food, being a local pub it is of the greatest of importance that we continue to be consistent in delivering great affordable food”. To host your next function at the Elephant and Castle, or to find out more about the function packages available, contact the team on 5221 3707, email enquiries@enc.net.au, or visit the website at www.enc.net.au. Location: 158 McKillop St, East Geelong 3219 Phone: 5221 3707 Opening Hours: 11am-12am 7 days

To book your venue in the next Forte Functions Guide call Marc on 0438 297 969!

TALK OF THE TOWN! Thomas Hugh, Aussie at Heart Formerly Thomas Vecera, Thomas Hugh relocated to Australia in 2008 to begin a new chapter in his musical life. Growing up just outside of Houston, Texas, Hugh gigged his way into the Austin music scene, fronting several bands and playing in venues including Steamboat, Babes, Saxon Pub and Hole In The Wall. Following an eight-year slog, Hugh moved to Los Angeles where he performed at some of Hollywood’s best known venues while recording his debut album, Another Night Somewhere Else. Albums including Welcome to Yikesville and Strange Company have followed. In 2006 his love of Australia was ignited after he was lured across for a handful of shows, including a date at the Maldon Folk Festival which inspired new material. He has been described as new-folk meets indie pop. The Bridge, Castlemaine – September 19. He will be joined by Jessie Storm.

EP, titled Travelling Light, through their website. With their punk-country-rumba, The Mongolian Fishmongers arrived on the scene in 1997. Between then and 2002 the band released four independent albums before family and work obligations slowed them down. They’re back and it and they’ve lost none of their zip. When the sun is shining few things beat a BBQ and at the Harambee Musik Festivalle you will be able to enjoy a snag or two throughout the day. A jumping castle and other fun activities will also be on show. Adult tickets are $40 with children accompanied by their parents free. It all takes place at the Our Lady Star of The Sea Primary School on October 19 (12-midday). Ticket information is available through staroceangrove.catholic.edu.au and 5255 4308.

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Takadimi Use Their Head “Takadimi have created a refreshing body of contemporary new era music. The quintet ignore and blast through boundaries, choosing not to let rigid genre formulas constrict them. The music also manages to maintain a fun and vibrant theme throughout. Their sound is complex yet unpretentious … embodying the notion of why we should be excited about the future of Australian jazz music.” Such a nice thing to say, is it not? That is East Side Radio 89.7FM speaking about Sydneybased instrumental quintet, Takadimi. The band’s debut album is New Common Sense and it comes littered with a broad fusion of folk, jazz, Latin and African influences. The album was recorded over three days in a recording studio in bush near Wingello in the Southern Highlands. Takadimi joined forces at the Australian Institute of Music in 2007. The Mill, Echuca – October 3. .........................................................................

Harambee Musik Festivalle Our Lady Star of The Sea Primary School is pleased to present the Harambee Musik Festivalle, a wonderful family-friendly day of good music and good food. Lining up you have The Violet Ivy’s, The Mongolian Fishmongers, The Kite Machine, The Baker Boys Band and the Hip Cats. Would you like to meet a couple of the bands? Melbourne-based quartet The Violet Ivy’s is led by Geelong/Ocean Grove gal Cat Sanzaro. Cat formed the band as a duo with her sister Jypsie-Flynn Hoult in 2010 before building the band. In 2011 Cat won a Queenscliff Music Festival scholarship which allowed her to record their debut EP. You can check out that

Jordie Lane: Handle with Care

A Little More Queenscliff With a line-up boasting The Living End, John Butler Trio, The Grates, Spiderbait, Blue King Brown, San Cisco, Pez and the Melbourne Ska Orchestra among others, things were already looking mighty fine for the 2013 Queenscliff Music Festival. But proving they are the festival that keeps giving, a bunch more artists have been added. Where oh where will they all fit? Joining the party will be Sticky Fingers, D at Sea, Revomatix, Leroy Lee, Ginger & Tonic, Andrew Swift & The Rattlesnake Choir, Alister Turrill, Buddha in a Chocolate Box, Luke Biscan, Kurt Gentle, Kiana Archer, Jack Wright, DJs Vince Peach, Manchild and Ken Eavel. Various levels of ticketing are available. The Queenscliff Music Festival takes place across November 22, 23 & 24 with further information available through qmf.net.au. 2013 marks the festival’s 17th year.

BENDIGO: MEredith ‘Mez’ Whittle to John Power when appearing on MUZoHUB, a program broadcast via YouTube, “maybe (they should) actually walk a day in my shoes and understand where I’m coming from.” ‘Wild Child’, which gives the EP its title and serves as its second strongest song, is a softer exploration of an individual’s difficult circumstances. In this instance, the situation is growing up while dealing with the selfdestructive impulses of a loved one. With a fine musical denouement that signifies a death and adulthood, the tune touches on a tricky telephone call with a person who unexpectedly was soon to be gone forever.

With a background that includes musical theatre, ballet and performing as a solo artist, one half of a duo and a band member, Meredith, who is also known by the nickname ‘Mez’, has now released an EP titled ‘Wild Child’. The flame-haired artist’s effort is at its best with the track ‘Survive’, which is gentle at first, but quickly becomes a blaring cry against bullying and a statement on the importance of being true to oneself. “Embrace your differences because you will actually come into your own at some point ... embrace who you are and embrace who you want to be,” Meredith said while reflecting on the meaning of the song during an interview. As a songwriter who follows the tradition of using lyrics as a form of personal disclosure – perhaps even using them to heal – Meredith brings an authenticity to the song which might be missing if it was sung by someone who did not suffer abuse from their peers when they were young. Having a profile that has been increased by her involvement in various projects, including organising an event earlier this year to raise awareness of the eye cancer once suffered by her son, Meredith has suggested that there are still those who react to her disapprovingly. “Before (they) judge what (they) are ... seeing”, she said

Meredith says she finds playing solo shows difficult; however, there is an emotional resonance to ‘Nation’s Pride’ when it is played live acoustically that does not translate fully in the studio version – although it does still pack a punch. Again examining what some would regard as a private matter, the track tells the story of the difficulties the singer’s father encountered as a soldier during the Vietnam War, and then as one of the returned servicemen who bore the brunt of attitudes towards that conflict. It is a source of pride and some relief for the performer that the veterans she let listen to the song before its release responded positively to it. “Their words were, ‘Nobody has told this story before, nobody has recorded this story before and we want this song as our theme song,’” she said. The EP Wild Child is notable for its production quality and the abilities of the people Meredith has surrounded herself with, including the formidable Mike Elrington whose influence is surely felt on the track ‘Mumma’, which recognises the singer’s supportive mum in a rollicking fashion. Wild Child is now available on iTunes, with Meredith saying that feedback she has received about it has been largely positive, while the video for ‘Survive’ was recently filmed in part at a live music venue with assistance from the aforementioned John Power.

For those who have been pining for a little Jordie Lane, the next couple of months should come as very pleasing news as the storytelling songman drops a new EP and returns to more familiar shores for a bumper run of shows. In case you didn’t know, Jordie currently resides in L.A. and has spent much of the year touring the US and Canada, including dates at the Winnipeg and Calgary Folk Festivals. His new EP is titled Not Built to Last and is due for release October 18. It follows the release of 2011’s acclaimed Blood Thinner which received a nomination for ‘Best Blues & Roots Album’ at the 2012 Australian Independent Music Awards. In between studio efforts he also released Live at the Wheaty, which is available for free download via his website. Lane performed at the toocool Gum Ball Festival earlier in the year, with LifeMusicMedia’s Sian Hanigan writing: “As the sun set around, the full moon peeping through the trees, dynamic young folksinger Jordie Lane kept us captivated with his comic storytelling. Lane entertained us with a juxtaposition of bluesy rock songs and acoustic ballads to keep the audience in suspense, even throwing in a Lana Del Ray cover for the more modern audience.” What surprises are in store for you? Beav’s Bar, Geelong – November 7 & Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – October 8.

What’s On in The Rat:

Thursday, 19th September – Wednesday, 2nd October G’day East End Boys and West End Girls; Daniel here with what’s on the live original music agenda here in the quaint town of Bedrock … sorry, I mean Ballarat, between September 19th and October 2nd. The Karova Lounge has quietened down from their previously huge line-up with only a few future events for me to list. But I recommend keeping an eye out on their official site or Facebook page just in case they get some late confirmations that they haven’t listed yet. On the other hand, the Babushka Lounge/Cafe/Gallery are opening up their doors to many artists over the next couple of weeks. Thursday, 19th of September begins the spread with Babushka Lounge hosting David Grimson and his acoustic guitar tunes. Friday, 20th Sep has Peter and Kristine Allan bringing their acoustics and electrics to the stage of the Babushka Lounge. Friday 20th also sees one of the few Karova listings fulfilled. The Delta Riggs will be rocking out in a gig that would be a crime to miss. Supporting them will be The Walking Who to wrap up an awesome night of modern old school rock ‘n’ roll. Entry $12. Saturday, 21st Sep sees ALEK and his Hurdy Gurdy instrument returning to Babushka. ALEK and his instrument have won the hearts of many residents of Babushka Lounge/Cafe/Gallery. Coupled with the publican exercising all his lasers, lights and effects to ALEK’s tunes, it is always guaranteed to entertain. Sunday, 22nd Sep has the 6th Mini Day Out happening at the Babushka Lounge/Cafe/Gallery. Always a wonderful relaxed event, on the bill this round is: Black Caravan Band, Mez Whittle, Erik Parker, James Ao, Byron St. John and Dan Rolls.

By Daniel Lock

Headlining is blues artist Shaun Kirk. Entry $10. Thursday, 26th Sep Liam Gerner and Luke Moller will be blues-folking the Babushka Lounge with tunes and the like. Friday, 27th Sep Mark Kuntsi will be playing some relaxing acoustic rock at Babushka. Friday 27th at Karova Lounge will have the Yacht Club DJs mixing it up with The Bennies and Bel Air. Entry $15. Saturday 28th at the Karova Lounge will see Jinja Safari taking the stage with support from Cub Sport. Saturday 28th at the Babushka Lounge will have EDEN singer-songwriter Sean Bowley playing relaxing, dreamy-enchanted tunes in a gig that’ll produce relaxed states of being – for at least the rest of the weekend. And that’s the rundown of the future gigs coming up at venues near you in Ballarat. On a lighter/heavier note, we’re up for an interesting three years with George W. Bush … sorry, Tony Abbott, just being elected Prime Minister of Australia. I can’t see it going too well for the live music industry, unless stuttering becomes as famous in music as it is in the Prime Minister’s media answers and speeches. Personally, I suggest every band learn to play a cover of ‘My Generation’ by The Who; not only is it a great and suitable song, but it also puts an intelligent twist on stuttering. For further information on the gigs hit up the venue’s websites below – karovalounge.com; evileye.com.au/ babushkalounge.com

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TALK OF THE TOWN! EMPRA’s Strange Condition

All Killer, No Filler

Melbourne outfit EMPRA are hitting all the right notes. Yes, it may indeed be a bad pun, but there is no denying the band is doing some big things. There is their Vanda & Young songwriting award nomination. There is their LiveNation band competition win. Shows with Fall Out Boy haven’t hurt either. Then there is their second EP, Strange Condition. EMPRA is spearheaded by Sanny Veloo. His first band, Boredphucks, rubbed his home country of Singapore the wrong way, so much so they were effectively banished from performing there. A little looser in Australia, Sanny headed for our shores. He then took to an internet forum to find the missing pieces and three Matt’s later (Agius, Gault and Cattanach), EMPRA was born. The Newmarket, Bendigo – October 4.

Okay folks, there are a bunch of other ripping gigs coming your way. At The Bridge, Castlemaine you have Tank Dilemma (September 20), Hugo Race Fatalists (September 21), Davey Lane (September 21 – late show), The Bellwethers (September 22 & 29), Emlyn Johnson (September 26) & Barbariön (September 27). At Theatre Royal, Castlemaine you have Regurgitator (September 27). At The Newmarket, Bendigo you have A Secret Death and Palm (September 26). At Beav’s Bar, Geelong you have Cory Branan (September 19) & Bob Evans (September 26). At The Barwon Club, Geelong you have Spit Syndicate (September 20), Jinja Safari (September 26) & Kremlins with friends (September 29). At The Pier, Geelong you have Some Blonde DJ and friends as part on an U18 show (October 2).

Steve Lane & The Autocrats

The Rye Catchers on Time

Quick bite: As a musician, producer and engineer, Steve Lane is never too far away from the music caper. He earned his stripes through voicepopfoible, but his songwriting and recording has taken him as far afield as Timor-Leste and Fiji. Come 2009 and Steve began a new collaboration with author John Holton. The idea was to write songs that would “reflect the conflicted nature of everyday life, from memory and longing to the ‘Aha!’ moments and lingering melancholy”. The Bridge, Castlemaine – October 3 & The Vine, Bendigo – October 4. Supported by Bendigo five-piece, The King’s Republic.

Quick bite: This music thing ain’t easy. There is the making of records with money you don’t have. There are the gigs to those who would rather see someone else. There is the begging and borrowing for fuel money, etc etc. Such is the life led by The Rye Catchers. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Right! The Ballarat alt-country fivepiece battle their way through the downs of being a muso like pros, making the ups much, much better. Their new single is ‘One Time’. The Karova, Ballarat – October 4.

Thy Art is Murder

Cosmic Psychos Q&A

All in Kid Mac’s Head

Bendigo’s Having a Laugh

Sydney’s extreme metallers Thy Art is Murder are at it again, this time playing a batch of headlining gigs to go along with their Parkway Drive support. It has been a busy year for the band. Earlier in the piece the band hit the road in support of their 2012 release, Hate. Kill Your Stereo gave the sophomore album from the heavy-hitters four out of five, saying: “This sophomore album is truly hard to ignore. Not just for its delivery but because it feels (and sounds) right. Hate is dark and dynamic instead of monotone and derivative ... Feel like punching a wall? Having a shitty day? Whack ‘Hate’ on and let the therapeutic benefits begin. Hate is the perfect outlet to let the aggression out. Australian metal’s track record continues.” We don’t recommend punching a wall, but you can check them out at the Music Man Megastore, Bendigo on September 22. AA.

Do you have a question for the Cosmic Psychos? They’re good blokes – you can trust ‘em. After all, their new doco is titled Blokes You Can Trust. And they wouldn’t lie – they’re musicians. Chances are the majority of you lovely readers would have heard a little something about the doco. Put together by commercial and music video director Matt Weston, Blokes You Can Trust is the story about how three unlikely souls became pin-up boys for grunge’s elite. Covering the band’s three-decade run, the doco captures everything from interviews with Eddie Vedder and Buzz Osborne to fan footage. Anyway, a cool little screening and Q&A with the band members and Matt Weston has been put together at Star Cinema, Bendigo on October 12. Hit starcinema.org.au for further information. The event is hosted by Megan Spencer.

Hailing from Sydney’s south, Marcario de Souza, aka Kid Mac, has spent years writing, recording, touring, collaborating and working on movie and television projects all in the name of music. Last year was a well-deserved breakout year for the emcee. There was his debut album, No Man’s Land, and a gong for Artist of the Year at the 2012 MusicOz Awards. He also won two AACTAs for his documentary Fighting Fear, a doco about the relationship between Mixed Martial Arts fighter Richie Vaculik and big wave surfer Mark Mathews. Next month sees the release of album number two, Head Noise. Mac promotes the album as “a personal inward journey of the busy heart and mind”. The album features track ‘Bustin’ Down the Door’ (featuring beatbox maestro Sam Perry), which he premiered on the NRL Footy Show. Torquay Hotel, Torquay – November 29.

Bendigo’s Capital Theatre is hosting a couple of comedy gigs next month. First up you have Akmal on October 4. One of Australia’s favourites – although perhaps one of the most frustrating to have on panel shows – has been doing comedy since the early ‘90s. He has appeared on a host of TV shows including Rove Live, The Glass House, Spicks and Specks, Thank God You’re Here and Good News Week. In August 2011 he returned home to film the documentary Pharaoh vs The Egyptians. Then on October 29 you have adopted Aussie son, Arj Barker. Arj has spent a lot of time in Australia and has been gigging here for a decade. He says his biggest fan base is in Australia, and given his laid-back style it’s little surprise. *Note: Arj is also performing at Warrnambool’s Lighthouse Theatre on October 26, GPAC on October 30 and Eastbank Centre, Shepparton on October 31.

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A DAY IN the Life of

Ross

Hannaford written by Tex Miller // photos by daniel longo

Walking into the theatre at Courthouse ARTS for the latest A Conversation in the Key Of…, this time with Aussie legend Ross Hannaford, I was quite surprised with the scene immediately in front of me. Sitting in the centre of the stage, sound-checking all of his equipment is Ross with his decorated electric guitar, in a bright fluoro orange jumpsuit and white sneakers. After all of the formalities, I inform Ross that I am aiming to write a colourful ‘Day in the Life’-type feature for the post-media event coverage, and without any further delay he begins to relate his daily morning routine, which includes a healthy breakfast and a good strong cup of coffee. Advancing further to shake hands, I am astounded at his small pedal setup which includes two loop pedals, a space echo and an octave pedal. Given my similar setup in musical equipment, I was thoroughly impressed by the grooves that Ross was laying down. Later on in the dressing room, pre-performance, I ask Ross what the essence of a good song is; is it that Rhythm is King? “I couldn’t tell you what makes a song, but I’m playing a couple of Hank Williams tunes this afternoon and I really respect his music. Although Hank only lived to be 28, he wrote the bible of country music. He had a pretty rough upbringing and most of his inspiration came from comic strips. Melody and words are always important, but the tune also plays an integral role.” Whilst we were waiting for Levi Anderson to arrive, I took the opening while Ross was testing his gear to plug in and try mine after being given the opportunity to jump on ‘Mustang Sally’ and jam with the guys at the end of the concert. Throwing in slide guitar licks to the basic yet infectious loops Ross had developed in the past five minutes, playing with Hanna is something I’ll never forget. Levi shows up and the usual pre-show sound and line checks occur as well as making sure the PowerPoint presentation showing photos acting as visual cues to stories are running smoothly. When the crowd are all in and seated the show starts with Tim Neal’s ‘Three Chord Theory’, a little showpiece that illustrates that a song only has to be three chords. A couple of days before the show, I sat down with Tim to chat about Ross and their friendship, their musical pathways which have crossed many times over the past twenty years and their latest project, The Critters. “The first time that I saw Ross play was in the back bar at the Espy in St Kilda; one of my band mates told me to tag along to see one of Diana

Kiss’s residency shows. Her band was the who’s who of the Melbourne scene at the time, including Peter Jones (Crowded House), Stuey Speed (Kate Ceberano), and it was like the musicians on their night off playing grooves. “It was the best thing I had heard at that point of my life. I got to know a couple of the guys and our friendship started from there, and we’ve been working together ever since. I learnt so much from that time though, from playing with musicians older than me. I was twenty two at the time,” Tim relates. As Levi takes to the stage to play songs and chat to Tim, Ross is sitting in the green room reading an article on Psy, which is a feature in the Weekend Australian. Although Ross seems a little agitated as he tries to get into the zone before his performance, the only real pre-performance ritual is making sure that he gets to the venue to set up. He doesn’t know too much about Psy, and he has only heard Gangnam Style once, but that’s enough to know that the future of music is developing to newer heights. As one of the founding members for now Aussie icons Daddy Cool, the acclaim that has followed Ross over the years throughout his many different musical projects is quite astounding. I (like many others) have always thought that Ross Hannaford was the main songwriter of ‘Eagle Rock’, yet as it turns out, Ross Wilson came up with that now infamous riff. “He had the main riff that starts the record and that was his big riff. The first few songs all had a definitive melody, and I had to play more of a supporting role; the first three records I’m playing pretty much the same thing.” Influenced from an early age by Steve Cropper (best known for his work with The Blues Brothers and Booker T and the M.G.’s), the simplistic guitar lines of Cropper’s are what appealed to Ross because there are quite a few similarities to his performance. “The notes he plays just mean so much. It’s a blues attitude and his choice in notes is just incredible; always perfect and sounding fresh. I’m a simple player and I can’t play fast, and I can see some similarities between our playing. I am loving using all the samplers to get a rhythm guitar track down to play over the top of, and it will be interesting to see where it develops to next.” With a Ross Hannaford and the Critters album due out later in the year, the band is sure to be touring around the place. Alongside residencies in some Melbourne pubs, be sure to check out the everevolving project of Ross Hannaford. “I’m hoping to do some mixing next week and get the album out. It’s sounding fantastic and I can’t wait to tour it.”

when&where A Conversation in The Key of... Dave Graney and Genghis Can't Swim: Sunday 13 October at Courthouse ARTS

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DANDO’S: ICONS

Meg Pethybridge

by Brendan Dando

We are lucky to live in a community filled with dedicated people who are willing to volunteer their time in order to support local music. These people are the backbone of our music scene, helping put together a platform for musicians to do what they do best. One of Geelong’s most well-known and loved music supporters is Meg Pethybridge.

Wanted: Bass Player & Drummer. I’m a Singer/Songwriter, who has written/produced an album of original songs, looking to gig originals & covers. Influences include U2, INXS, Oasis, The Verve, Snow Patrol. Looking for easy going/reliable muso’s who know their craft. Call Phil 0421 901 530 www. zeffamusic.com

Now a Geelong girl through and through, she sees a ton of potential in a number of our local musicians: “I think my mum would be upset if I didn’t say Alister Turrill, who is an absolutely lovely lad and an incredibly talented musician,” she says with a laugh. “I’m very excited to spend next month driving him and Henschke around Victoria for their Long Way from Lonsdale Tour.”

However, it’s important that we all acknowledge the talents and commitment shown from people such as Pethybridge, whether she expects it or not. As she reveals, “I think that everyone I’ve worked with shows their appreciation in different ways. I tend to get surprised when people acknowledge my help as I am very work focused. I rock up to do the job, not for the recognition, and I think if I intended to gain anything more than the experience, I wouldn’t love gigs as much.”

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Screaming Vocalist wanted for metalcore band. Vocalist required between the ages of about 17 - 19. Live experience not necessary. Influences include Parkway Drive and August Burns Red. Email andyw14@live.com.au

Originally from Shepparton, this is where Pethybridge first developed a love for music. “I was blown away by the atmosphere at FReeZA gigs created by the enthusiastic musicians and excited moshers,” she explains. “I was also a huge fan of 8 Bit Love’s previous alias The Shadow Puppets, who went to my high school and were a lot better at playing their instruments than myself!”

She is also a huge fan of Levi Anderson’s unique guitar work, but emphasises that she simply hates choosing her favourites. “I am constantly discovering amazing music in this town, and I love the way that the Geelong community of musicians inspire each other to perform better.”

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Vocalist Wanted. Experienced 25 y.o. guitarist looking for female vocalist to form acoustic duo to start playing cover gigs asap. Would also be interested in writing together music if partnership works well. Phone Curt 0412 166 393

Despite the experience, Pethybridge goes into detail about some strange encounters her volunteer work has led her to. “I remember getting partially covered in chocolate sauce whilst looking after an upset drunk girl after the Lefties gig last summer. RDZJB thought it’d be a great idea to finish their gig by pouring chocolate sauce onto two half-naked drunk girls onstage!” Don’t let that scare (or encourage) you away from volunteering at local gigs, as it can also bring you many fulfilling moments. For Pethybridge it was running the stage for the Jellyaid Festival in Numurkah, which was held in honour of a musical friend who had been killed in a car accident. “I have never been more proud of an events team for pulling together a gig. My friend would have absolutely loved it, and his family and friends worked tirelessly to make it a massive event.”So if you ever get the chance to meet Meg at a gig in the near future, give her a high five for her efforts in helping make the local scene what it is today; chances are she’d probably be there volunteering anyway. Three cheers for Meg!

Looking for a rock singer between the age 17-19. Main Influences are Green Day, Foo Fighters and Led Zeppelin. Band with Management and Label. Email and info at melodicmusic.com Looking for a drummer, not afraid to experiment. Male/ female. Age 35++ ono. All original. English/Australian influences without the radio play. Original to the extent of punk/pop sensibility 1978 to the not-so-now style. Think of yourself as a patron of The Saints, Stiff Little Fingers, Radio Birdman, Buzzcocks,

The Smiths, Psychedelic Furs, Iggy & The Stooges, Wedding Present, Happy Mondays etc etc, then forget you have to be. The usual...car, equipment, attitude, mental state (in an OK kind of...) punctual, earplugs accepted. Be prepared to apply yourself. Let us know on 0409 567 043. Please leave your details and we will hear you - Confirmation code: AKA 1963 Geelong rock band looking for lead vocalist. We are a Geelong based original band looking for a lead vocalist, have a lot of experience and heaps of great original music waiting to be sung. Influences: pearl jam, chili peppers, foo fighters, nirvana, led zep, sound garden. Contact Ben 0432049231. Experienced Lead Guitarist Wanted. Top 40 Coverband. 70s 80s 90s and current. Based in Geelong. Must have commitment. Please Call Mark on 0438836469 or email at pudge_ gypsy33@hotmail.com Singer wanted for acoustic covers duo. Must like 90’s British bands and not into songs your “normal” covers bands play. Think Oasis, Morrissey & The Smiths, Libertines, Pulp, Blur, Verve, and similar Aussie & American groups. Nothing serious to start with but possible gigging if we sound great! Age no barrier and male / female encouraged to contact. Contact Liam: britpopcovers@gmail. com or 0430904407

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Min&Mal by Natalie Rogers

Italian DJs Min&Mal are bringing their share of brotherly love to this year’s Earthcore festival, and although these disc-spinning siblings are in high demand all over the world, I found out recently there’s no place they would rather be. “For us, coming to Australia was a revelation. It’s unlike any other country we’ve played. The people are very welcoming and we always feel at home. Before we arrived last time we didn’t know what to expect, but during our set we realised that Australians are crazy for minimal and Min&Mal! It was a fantastic experience! We can’t wait to come back for Earthcore.” Earthcore is poised to be a spectacular event, set to the backdrop of Australia’s breathtaking natural beauty, something Alessio and Mario are looking forward to. “The only thing we want to do is see your most valuable animals, kangaroos and koalas, up close. It would be an unforgettable experience!” Although Min&Mal were barely teenagers when they first stood behind the decks, they’ve become the benchmark for those who follow in the minimal/ techno genre and are known for their effortless style and unwavering passion for their craft. “Music and playing live is our life. We’ve come a long way thanks to the strong support of our parents.” Long before they began producing their own tracks, the brothers were club DJs, filling dance floors in their hometown of Vasto (a little town off the Adriatic coast)

Luke Legs By Xavier Fennell

When you hear the voice of Luke Legs for the first time, you can immediately tell that he’s the kind of guy who really appreciates everything he’s got in life. The country artist and his buddies The Midnight Specials have been spinning their stories and twanging their strings around the country for a little while now. With the release of their debut album Why Oh Why (My Caroline) in 2011 and an always strengthening and expanding fan base, Luke took some time to talk to me about storytelling and some of the cooler parts of being involved in music as an artist. Luke’s enthusiasm was evident from the moment I mentioned the Kennedys Creek Music festival; his appreciation and excitement at the thought of performing alongside some equally great local bands was genuine. “I’m really stoked about that. We love playing festivals, and this is kind of right up our alley being only small and boutique. We love all the bands that are playing too, even though most of them are different to us genre wise, except Fraser (Gorman) who we love, we’re still really excited to be playing.” With the kind of ‘stoke’ that Luke spoke about clear in his voice, it was easy to see why people are encapsulated by his storytelling. When it comes to producing songs, Luke has an incredible sense of the need for quality, speaking highly of his storytelling company The Midnight Specials as well as an innate need to write the best music that he possibly can. “I went and recorded an album and got some friends to help me [the friends he speaks of

Beastwars By Natalie Rogers

New Zealand’s own Beastwars are heading back across the ditch for the ‘Beastwars Destroy Victoria’ tour. Them’s fighting words, so I say bring it on! I caught up with frontman Matt Hyde, who fondly remembered the last time they were in our fair state. “We had an amazing reaction last time we were here. It was greatly unexpected, because at our first solo show in Sydney we only played to fifteen people, so when we went to Bendigo and it was packed, it was pretty awesome! I’m looking forward to going to Geelong though. I’ve never been there before. Australians are pretty lucky, and we love going there. To us it’s the big city, the big lights! You’ve got to understand that New Zealand is a Pacific island at the end of the world, next stop Antarctic, so to come to Australia and be embraced is fantastic.” Beastwars put the capital H is Heavy music, but that’s not exactly how Matt sees it: “For me it’s soul music. It’s who we are. Sometimes we get tired of being called metal or sludge. For me it goes back to when I first heard Led Zeppelin. It’s hard rock. I don’t think we’re that heavy, I think we’re just right!” Matt laughed. “It’s right for us and it feels good. I’ve always been a rock fan – I just love rock music. If people want to call it metal, sludge or whatever; it’s just loud and it’s an expression of who we are. “Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with people comparing our music to anything because I believe that for a listener, comparisons are the gateway to giving new music a chance. That’s how I discovered different music.”

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to other people’s tunes. “We were DJing for many years, and this made us happy, but something was missing. We wanted direct contact with the music, so we tried to compose something of our own. Since that day we’ve loved music more and more, and now we’re here – just believe in yourself always!” Another dream Min&Mal had was to start their own label, which they achieved with help from a couple of friends. “Our label ‘M-Vitamine’ was a great success, born together with our dear friends, Italian producers ‘Doublewave’. It’s a beautiful thing because we have the ability to manage all its sides – selection, promotion and graphics. After we had ‘M-Vitamine’, we decided to open another label, ‘Handmade Music’, which is exclusively ours. Unlike ‘M-Vitamine’, the ‘Handmade Music’ label is strictly techno and melodic. We chose the melodic genre because it’s very deep, unlike other genres.” No matter what genre of electronic music you’re into, Earthcore has it all. Two sets that are a mustsee for Alessio and Mario will be Boris Brejcha from Frankenthal in Germany and Tel-Viv’s DJ duo Coming Soon!!!. According to Min&Mal, we are the most vital part of their performance: “The energy of the audience is the most important thing. What we try to do in every set is to give our best; we want to transport people into another dimension and help them to forget all their problems. The music is freedom.” Finally, the guys say that fans can expect “some beautiful collaborations and big changes” in the near future. You heard it here first! When&Where: Earthcore – November 29 through December 1

are members of Graveyard Train, Vasco Era and Twin Beasts, then named The Toot Toot Toots, just casually] and we launched that album, and I guess it was fairly successful in terms of an independent release. It’s taken us almost two and half years to finish the second album, because everything I write it feels like it’s not really what I’m shooting for. “I played with Jordie Lane a couple years back and I was offended at how good he was – it was ridiculous. I thought, I’ve got two options; I can stop playing music or I can try harder. It was pretty gut-wrenching to see how shit I was compared to someone I really admired.” Unusually, a Luke Legs show might consist of only one or two songs. However, this is not to the detriment of the show – occasionally the audience will be graced with an extended story. This sort of sidetracking doesn’t bother Luke and is a testament to his classic Aussie attitude towards life. With that being said, Luke gave some insights to the lyrical direction of his new work being inspired by certain Australianisms. “I’ve had a couple of gigs like that and usually I get great feedback, which is rad. If something’s cool, like spoken word and storytelling, stuff like that, why not do it? “My main goal at the moment is to do something uniquely Australian. I want it to resonate with the common Australian without it being bogan or cliché. I want people to listen to the song and go, ‘I’ve done that!’ – I’m writing a song about a twenty dollar parmigiana at the moment! “Because I think that there isn’t much to say what Australian music actually is, and maybe it is bands like King Gizzard and Dick Diver … I don’t know yet” When&Where: Kennedys Creek Music Festival – October 26 & 27

These guys are no new kids on the block. They’ve been together since 2007, have two acclaimed LPs, and have supported or played alongside big names like High On Fire, the Melvins, Kyuss Lives!, Helmet, Black Cobra and Fu Manchu on their New Zealand dates. Their sophomore album, Blood Becomes Fire, was released in April this year, and like any self-respecting rock album it’s available on vinyl – and according to Matt it’s the only way to hear it. “We get them pressed in the States and when they arrive from such a faraway place, there’s nothing like it. A record is a beautiful time capsule. You put it aside for a while but then you revisit it. It’s a reminder of people’s journey; it’s that memory of where you were and what you were doing. It’s the soundtrack to life.” Life for Beastwars is pretty bright right now with a new album in the works, more freedom creatively and finally getting recognition in the big smoke. “We’re definitely selling a lot more t-shirts in Australia lately, which is good,” Matt joked. “We’ve starting writing our third album now and it’s very exciting times. I like that we’ve got the first two albums out of the way, so now we can focus on the third, and as a band we’re rising to the challenge and growing together. As a whole we’re more confident. It’s a confidence we’ve been given by our ‘fans’, it’s not something we just have. We’re given it by people who buy our records and come to our shows. “As for the future, I can’t say much but it’s looking damn good! We’re just waiting on a few things to fall into place … I can tell you we’re heading back to Australia in December, but that’s all I can say or I’ll get in trouble!” In the meantime catch them at The Barwon Club in Geelong with locals Agonhymn, The Kremlings and Goonbag Colostomy. When&Where: The Barwon Club, Geelong – September 29

we’ve come to expect from the band. Available now on Universal.

Newton Faulkner – Studio Zoo Newton Faulkner is back with his fourth album. Strangely enough, he recorded it in his home studio, where four cameras broadcast the entire process to the internet, 24/7. Available now on Sony.

Elton John – The Diving Board Who knew Elton John was still recording new albums? This is his 30th studio album, which is an insane feat for anyone. Available now on Virgin EMI/Mercury.

Sheryl Crow – Feels Like Home

Placebo – Loud Like Love

MGMT – Self-Titled

The Naked and Famous – In Rolling Waves New Zealand’s The Naked and Famous are back. It’s the band’s

sophomore release, and should be the true litmus test of their ability. Available now on Somewhat Damaged.

Jessie J – Alive Love her or hate her, you’ve got to admit she’s becoming a force in pop. This is her second album. Will she continue her climb? Only time will tell. Available tomorrow on Universal.

MGMT are back with their third studio album; it’s three years in the making, so you just know it’s going to be good. Available now on Columbia. E

Placebo’s seventh studio album hit shelves last week. Apparently it’s a different sound compared to what

Apparently last week was a big one for artists we all just assumed were living off greatest hits tours. This is her eighth studio album. Available now on Warner Bros.

All Day Venus – Adalita The former Magic Dirt frontwoman is back with her second solo album. Check out next issue for a review and interview with Adalita. Available tomorrow on Liberations.

TOO HEAVY TO HUG PAUL S TAYLOR chris cruz

October 21 sees the release of Aftershock, the brand new album from legendary UK outfit Motörhead.

and the Gimme Gimmes in Forte territory. Be at the Barwon Club on Wednesday, October 9 – or just don’t bother. For those of Just when we you who don’t know, thought there wasn’t the band consists of going to be an current and former IDIOTFEST this year, members of NOFX, it turns out we ARE Foo Fighters and getting one after all – Lagwagon. on Saturday, October Larry and his Flask 26, with the venue set to be announced are teaming up with Cobra Skulls any minute now. to release a split It’s being headlined 7” through Asian by not one, not Man Records this two, but FOUR November. Brisbane bands this year: Flangipanis, Kick Ass 2 is an Jobstopper, Le Suits awesome movie, and the almighty despite the creaming Unprettier. The it’s received from Boots, Strawberry critics, bloggers and Fist Cake, The even many movie Beer Beer Beers, goers. If you dug the Admiral Ackbar’s first one, you’ll dig Dishonourable this one. Go see it Discharge, Kmart before it disappears Warriors, Kujo Kings, from cinema Shadow League, screens! Hey Santiago!, October 22 sees the Jason Lives, Lace official release of & Whisky, Hopes the (slightly delayed) Abandoned, Now brand new album You Die, The from AFI, Burials. Cruntburgers, It’s going to be very Where’s Grover? and interesting to see All We Need round how fans take to the out the line-up, with new record, because even more bands I for one did NOT possibly being added enjoy the lead single to the bill. It’s going ‘I Hope You Suffer’. to be huuuge! The band plays Soundwave 2014. The new Flatliners album, Dead Toy Guitar is a Language, is out new band featuring now via Fat Wreck members of Swingin’ Chords. It’s pretty Utters and One Man awesome. Army. Their brand new self-titled fourAdelaide punk rockers Secondhand song EP is available through Adeline Squad are heading Records (Green Day to Melbourne for frontman Billie Joe the very first time. They play the Public Armstrong’s label) on limited edition green Bar on Thursday, vinyl, exclusively October 3 with Hug through Interpunk. Therapist, Hopes Abandoned and Tim Get yours! Hampshire. Fast fact: NOFX turns 30 this year! We’re getting Wow! closer and closer to the pants-pissing excitement that is a live performance by punk rock karaoke supergroup Me First

Until next time, kids, support your scene. Buy a CD, go to a gig, do your part to keep shit alive.

With Avenge Sevenfold’s recent release Hail to the King topping the charts in a couple of countries, fans, critics and detractors have all come out to have their say, including Machine Head main dude Robb Flynn who labelled it a “covers album” because songs on it, according to him, sound like Metallica, Guns N’ Roses and Megadeth songs. Flynn then goes on to list 10 of his own “jokes” about Hail to the King. If you want to read it you’ll be able to find it easily enough, but I’ve decided to make 10 jokes about Machine Head sounding derivative too because, well, metal is inherently derivative to some extent and I really have nothing else to write about at the moment. Robb Flynn calls Hail to the King a “covers album”, then remembers Machine Head actually put their cover of ‘Battery’ on The Blackening. Oh, and a cover of ‘Message in a Bottle’ on The Burning Red. Flynn’s vocabulary consists of exactly 513 words which he uses in his lyrics over and over. His two favourite words: eyes and die. In Flynn’s list he mentioned Thunderstruck in relation to A7X, which is baffling because the intro to ‘Be Still and Know’ was lifted right from the AC/DC tablature book. Flynn gets children to sing in his songs because they have more talent than him. Justin Bieber accidentally hears a Machine Head song, loves the harmonics, peppers them throughout his songs, they become a pop staple and Machine Head retrospectively become a pop band and major pop influence. That time people on Twitter told him to “let freedom ring with the shotgun blast” in relation to the Sandy Hook shooting, or some shit.

Flynn was never asked by Logie winner Joel Madden to do vocals with him on a Good Charlotte song; M. Shadows was, and did – so take that. The number two joke about Machine Head: Supercharger. And, the number one joke about Machine Head: The Burning Red. In Other News… Parkway Drive will play The Palace on Friday, September 20 (sold out) and Sunday, September 22. The all ages show will be at the same venue on Saturday, September 21. Lamb of God and Meshuggah will double headline at Festival Hall on Sunday, September 22. Soilwork will be at Billboard on Friday, October 4. Korn will release their new album The Paradigm Shift on Friday, October 4. Bring Me the Horizon, Of Mice & Men and Crossfaith will kick out the jams for all ages at Festival Hall on Wednesday, October 9. The Devin Townsend Project will be at The Palace on Sunday, October 13. Every Time I Die will bring their unique brand of metalcore to the Corner Hotel on Sunday, October 20. The Enslaved show at The Hi-Fi has been moved to Friday, November 1. Nile will play the Corner Hotel on Saturday, November 16. The Vans Warped Tour will be held at a TBA venue in Melbourne on Saturday, December 7. Notable acts on board include The Offspring, Hatebreed and Parkway Drive. Soundwave 2014 will be held at Flemington Racecourse on Friday, February 28. If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@ hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @ TooHeavyToHug

Blank Thankless Air By BLAIR HALL

Work Diary – September 10th, 2013 Dating Profile I want someone who will love me for who I am. Not that I know who I am at all, but still, if you can figure it out then I demand that you love me. I’m really low maintenance. I promise. I only need to be serviced every few days or so. You don’t even have to look me in the eyes or talk to me or anything, just so long as you can sit next to me and let me enjoy your warmth. I’m really cold. You’re pretty much going to be the only warmth in the relationship. Don’t worry though, I can provide for you. I’ve got a job and everything. I don’t even have any hobbies, so you’ll have my undivided attention after 5pm and until 8am in the morning. I’m hoping that you’ll stay indoors and not spend much, if any, money, being that I don’t really have quite enough to support two people. I don’t sleep much either, so I’m up for it anytime you want. I want you to be my hobby. After all, a girlfriend is a best friend that you kiss and is your hobby. As the Spice Girls meant, if you want to be my lover, you have to not actually “get with” my friends, but simply friend-zone the lot of them. I have jealousy issues, by the way. Not that I have any friends either; I don’t like people, but my neighbour has this cat that sometimes lets me look at it. I’m hoping one day it’ll come close enough to their window to let me know what gender it is. I invested in some really great binoculars so that their cat and I could become better friends. I’m that sort of guy, willing to spend money to make a connection. These are some of the many benefits that you’ll reap if you reply to my ad. Sometimes I think the cat even looks at me on purpose. I like to think that it thinks I’m handsome. To be perfectly honest, I’m not handsome. I work in a lab and, well, let’s just say there was a bit of an incident, so now I’m prevented from ever leaving the house without a beard, sunglasses

and a hat. But lordy me, I certainly rock the beard/hat/sunglasses combination. I’m like a fat Heisenberg, except of course without the chemistry smarts. To be honest, I’m not so great at heating up anything, let alone manufacturing a complex chemical. I currently live off fruit, tins of fish and unheated baked beans. Hot meals are like dates; I’ve had neither. I am also requesting that any potential responders to this ad have the same sexual experience as me. As in, precisely the same. I’ve participated in love sex precisely 6.37 times in my lifetime. Q: Which of the following two best describes you: Nazi or Nazi-Sympathiser? A: Yes. Q: Would you describe yourself as unattractive or not good looking? A: Yes Q: Is the glass half-empty or half-open? A: Yes Q: If you weren’t a person, what kind of door would you be? (answering ‘ajar’ will result in your account being banned) A: Yes Q: When the shit hits the fan, will the fan be on or off? A: Yes Q: Define the standard unit of measurement that is 1 Metric Wood in the tongue-twister, ‘How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?’ A: Yes Q: Openly admit that you’re incapable of love. A: Yes.

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THE INSIDE SPLINTERS

90s DANCE, HOUSE CLUB & RAVE ANTHEMS

HIT

TOP100

TINA ARENA

New album and autobiography on the way. Slay!

KATE CEBERANO

Coming to GPAC in October for her stunning Kensal Road Tour.

BRITNEY SPEARS

New single ‘Work Bitch’ dropping any day now, and features a RuPaul sample!!

ELECTION 2013 What a shit-show.

EMINEM

Now, by the time you read this, voting lines will have closed. So what we’re supplying you with is a user’s guide to the countdown stream; with a detailed biography on the stream’s hosts and a list – in alphabetical order – of 10 of the most voted for songs at time of printing. Are any of your favourites there? Will this group of 10 change dramatically between now and the countdown on the 21st ? Let’s see what you’ve voted for, Australia…

COSMIC BABY – FANTASIA This luscious early 90s trance anthem has closed many a morning set over the decades, so it’s no surprise it has been as fondly remembered as it was appreciated upon initial release. A builder whose soundscapes almost feel limitless.

CULTURE BEAT – MR VAIN This absolute corker of a classic is without a doubt the Culture Beat release with the most votes, and the band’s only Australian number one single. A necessary staple in every 1990s dancethemed event.

DELERIUM – SILENCE This late 90s release set the tone for the trance sound that would explode and dominate through the early 2000s, and also introduced the wondrous notion of stunning vocalist Sarah McLachlan coo-ing and aaahing over a thick, no holds barred ravey bassline.

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DONNA SUMMER – I FEEL LOVE ‘95 (ROLLO & SISTER BLISS MIX) The greatest remix of all time? Probably!

EUPHORIA – LOVE YOU RIGHT This AUSTRALIAN AUSSIE DANCEPOP CLASSIC is memorable for a plethora of reasons. The first being it was a CORKER of a song, the second being it came from hit TV show ‘E Street’, and third, a young pre-fame Simon Baker Denny appears as a shirtless dancer in the video. You’re welcome!

EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL – MISSING (TODD TERRY REMIX) Actually, maybe THIS is the greatest remix of all time?

FELIX – DON’T YOU WANT ME (HOOJ MIX EDIT) Possibly one of THE most remixed and sampled rave classics, yet none of those rerubs have been able to capture the undeniable magic of the original Hooj Mix Edit. The 1995 Candy Girls remix did come close, but nothing is as majestic as the final 40 seconds of this particular version. Electrifying stuff, complete with a BONKERS video.

FREEFALL FT. JAN JOHNSTON – SKYDIVE Remember when Jan Johnston performed this live to a packed out Rod Laver Arena at the Two Tribes music festival many, many years ago? A hallmark moment in Melbourne’s rave history, so it’s no surprise this has made such an impressive dent on the chart’s voting tally.

MADONNA – VOGUE Madonna’s 1990’s releases make a couple of appearances in the Top 100, but none were as strongly supported as this

1990 jam. From the absolute pinnacle of her career, there isn’t a dance floor in the world that doesn’t fill up upon playing this absolute house CLASSIC. Don’t just stand there, let’s get to it.

THE KLF FT. TAMMY WYNETTE – JUSTIFIED AND ANCIENT It is a shock to see The KLF as high with an entry as bizarre as this. Other rave releases from the KLF’s discography struggled to make the Top 50 of the chart, yet this soared up it and has lodged itself into the Top 15. For now.

YOUR HOSTS Adem with an E has been writing and presenting radio programs since his teenage years. Writing for publications such as The Big Issue and holding a regular column in Forte Magazine, Adem has been writing, talking about and playing dance music since he figured out what a 12” vinyl was. Ben Atar was co-host for the Medication radio show on 94.7 The Pulse and currently spends his free time collecting official Golden Girls Merchandise and going to his local Synagogue.

Michelle Suiter was the former Assistant Station Manager at 94.7 The Pulse, with an impressively extensive background in presenting, production and the running of a radio station. Michelle enjoys sitting and doing things loudly. The Richard Eric is an uber-obsessed pop music fan with often questionable tastes in Aussie Pop Divas. Regardless, he will be joining us on the live stream against all of our better judgement. Make sure you head over to twitter.com/1990sRave100 on September 21st to direct yourself to the live stream link; tune in and rave on.

New single is a struggle to sit through, and the video barely makes up for it.

BIEBER BUM-FLUFF

Justin Bieber is trying to grow a beard you guys, and by the looks of it he should have a fully-grown facial hair statement by the time Tony Abbott is no longer in power.

SHIT!

Over the last few issues we’ve asked you to contribute votes for your Top 20 favourite dance, house, club and rave anthems from the 1990s, all in aid of compiling a list of the Top 100 songs of all time from that imperial era of dance. Then we will live stream to the internets from September the 21st with the ENTIRE TOP 100 COUNTDOWN, I.E. THIS COMING WEEKEND. You can find a link to the live stream by directing your browser to the official twitter page: https://twitter. com/1990sRave100

tweet of the week

“ Dreamt I got chased by a warthog and Duran Duran wouldn’t perform unless there were elephants on stage.” UK pop star Ellie Goulding sure knows how to dream a little dream, doesn’t she?

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Harrison Craig By Tex Miller

Harrison Craig was recently dubbed ‘The Voice of Australia’ as the winner of the Channel Nine series. Next week he sets out on a national tour kicking off in Brisbane, before making its way all around the country hitting both major and regional centres. Performing at Costa Hall on the 2nd of November, Harrison couldn’t be more excited when he sat down with Forte Magazine recently. The acclaim that has followed Harrison since winning The Voice, regardless of whether you like the show or not, is quite impressive. Seven of his performances on the show broke the iTunes top ten, with four tracks reaching number one, and he is definitely one to watch in the future. Reflecting back on his experiences on the show, Harrison feels that it was a fantastic opportunity to work with some of the best in the business. “Participating in The Voice was great, because although some people may be sceptical about whether it nurtures or hinders a musical career … it was a very warm and positive environment to be in. Having Seal as a coach to help with my vocals and stage performance was extremely beneficial, and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend the experience to people.” Before even being officially released, More Than a Dream, his debut album, went to number one on both the ARIA charts and iTunes, and from there, a ten date Westfield Centre appearance to over fifteen thousand fans cements that he is one of the biggest names in the industry at the moment. Starting out singing at home to some of his idols

including Ricky Martin before joining a choir, Harrison was always bound to be a singer. Given the opportunity to meet Ricky during the show was, although initially a little bit daunting, one of the best moments of Harrison’s career thus far. “The thing about Ricky is that in person he is the coolest guy, and so suave as well. If I were able to achieve any of that level of success, I would be a happy guy. He had a few big hits back in the day and now he has reinvented himself again and never lost hope in his music. I really admire that.” Together with a full live band and stage production, the More Than a Dream tour, which kicks off after Harrison’s stint in the US writing new material, is selling out fast, and he is very excited to get out and play to his fans. “To have such an opportunity to travel all over the country and perform is every singer’s dream. To be able to really put on a show for the people who voted for me, bought my songs, and have now given me a number one album, this is my way of saying a huge thank you for your support. It’s going to be great to hit both the major and regional towns of Australia to see everyone that has followed my journey thus far.” When&Where: The Capital, Bendigo – October 31; Wendouree Centre, Ballarat – November 1; Deakin’s Costa Hall, Geelong – November 2; Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool – November 3

OWL EYES by Tex Miller

Having been out on the road in support of her debut LP Nightswim, Owl Eyes, aka Brooke Addamo, is currently in preparation to do it all again throughout October. The Nightbeats tour takes in shows all around the country, starting in Tasmania on the 4th of October and finishing up with a show at the Fat As Butter festival in Newcastle on Saturday the 26th. The past month for Brooke has been busy with rehearsals and getting the new live show down, as well as bringing some new tunes into the setlist. Supported by Kite String Tangle and Willow Beats, two emerging names in the Australian electronic scene, these shows are sure to be hectic dance parties. With three albums in as many years, the release of Nightswim saw Brooke undertake a different process to pen the tracks. “I think that the album took a lot longer to write and produce, and the thought process was a lot more complicated than if I was writing for an EP. I think it was a little daunting at first, because I really wanted it to all fit together like a jigsaw and tell a story. It’s a lot more polished than what I have done previously and I’m really happy with it. I feel a lot more established as an artist.” Working alongside longtime collaborator Jan Skubiszewski, as well as Styalz Fuego whose credits include producing 360’s ARIA-winning album Falling and Flying, the result is twelve tracks of pure popelectro bliss that develops on the fresh and original sound that Brooke has been refining for the past few years. One of the main catalysts for writing the record came after Nightswim, the title track, came about.

Working with Jan for so many years was a simple decision, given his outstanding musicianship. “The thing about Jan is that we just get each other and I respect him a lot as a producer and a musician. It’s really hard to find a producer that you really click with and can help you develop the sound. He really embellishes the Owl Eyes sound, and he’s like a big brother to me now. The same goes with Styalz, who I finished the record with; I am so lucky to have some great mentors behind what I do.” The rise of the independent musician through uploading their music online is growing, and having a social media presence is one of the main aspects of being a musician in 2013, as Brooke relates. “It’s lovely to have Australian radio support because that just takes you to another level, but the internet is a good place to focus on in the media industry today. The immediacy in which your fans can hear about your tour or a new track you’ve just released is quite refreshing. It has allowed for a more personal connection between my fans because you can bring them into the creative process of writing and piecing together an album.” The previous tour, which had South Australian indieelectronic outfit Collarbones along for the ride, provided an upbeat and energetic introduction before Owl Eyes took to the stage. This time around with Kite Street Tangle and Willow Beats, the same vibe is assured. “I love being able to pick the support acts, and I think that this tour is going to be another fantastic trip around the country. I can’t wait to get out there and see everyone on the road!”

When&Where: Northcote Social Club – October 16 & 17

Hugo Race by Tex miller

As one of the founding members of the Bad Seeds, Nick Cave’s band, over the past four decades Hugo Race has become a living legend and world citizen of the Australian music scene, particularly with his band The Wreckery. These days the majority of Hugo’s time is spent in Italy, and thus with an upcoming tour with his latest project Fatalists, I sat down with Hugo to find out what we can expect from these upcoming shows.

didn’t really expect this kind of reaction,” Hugo said of touring the latest album.

The first half of 2013, the band has been playing extensively throughout Italy and broader Europe. Fatalists is a collaboration between Hugo and the Italian instrumental group Sacri Cuori, and from the look of the liner notes, with so many musicians involved within the project, the live show is sure to be highly energetic and one sweaty affair. ‘Dopefiends’, the opening seven-minute track of their latest album, We Never Had Control, features some dark instrumentation, and the vocals seem to be similar to that of the infamous Nick Cave croon.

“If the press react positively to the music, that’s great, but I think the main thing about each process is to keep refining what you do, to get it across to the audience in a real way. On Fatalists, we went into the studio in Italy and all the songs were together as a collective and there wasn’t too much more work to form any ideas. However, on the eve of the recording sessions I contracted pneumonia and so Antonio [Gramentieri] and the rest of Sacri Cuori produced the sessions without me. I then brought the album back to the Mill, a studio off the ocean east of Melbourne, to finish it up.”

The reception to this material from European audiences has been quite surprising to Hugo. “Our music explores some deep emotions and the audience response has been quite passionate, and in some points of the show it has become quite overwhelming. Looking back on the songs when you are in the middle of your set on stage, it’s been inspiring to see so many people really getting into these tunes, because We Never Had Control is a very dark record, and when we were recording we

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Looking through all of the international press, Hugo’s 2011 album, entitled Fatalists, received critical acclaim and glowing reviews from all over the world. Some publications even went as far as calling it a “masterpiece”. With such an accolade surrounding the album, the concept is to continually refine the music to help put these words into context.

In the early days of the Bad Seeds, being on stage must have been a wild experience, and upon talking about Hugo’s experience with the band over his short time between 1983 and 84, a story of going to Berlin emerges. “Being onstage with Nick is to date one of the loudest things I have ever heard. Everyone in the band had to turn up their sound level to get out Blixa’s guitar! I have a hazy of one show that we did in Berlin – and it was a fantastic concert. Great

music, and I don’t think we got much sleep because in the Bad Seeds there was always something happening and there was no chance for rest. “This was a time when the punk thing was still in the air and the audiences could turn dangerous, and the band toyed with that volatility to produce concerts that were more than concerts, more like happenings. It seems a long time ago to me now; what I remember of it is pretty hallucinatory. But experiences like that become part of your mental furniture and who you are.”

When&Where: The Workers Club, Melbourne – September 20 & The Bridge, Castlemaine – September 21

Phantom Opera The

of the

is here... ...at the GPAC for the very first time words by sue rawkins

It is Paris, 1905. At the Opéra Populaire (based on the Paris Opéra House), an auction of old theatre props is underway. Lot 665, purchased by the elderly Raoul, Vicomte de Chagny, is a music box in the shape of a monkey. He eyes it fondly, noting that its details appear "exactly as she said..." Lot 666 is a shattered chandelier that as

the auctioneer says, has a connection to "the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera…a mystery never fully explained." As the chandelier is uncovered, it illuminates and slowly rises over the audience to its old position in the rafters. The years roll back and the Opéra returns to its 1880s grandeur. And so the story begins…

This epic tale of a disfigured musical genius, the Phantom, and his beautiful protégé, Christine Daaé, is based on a novel, Le Fantôme de L’Opéra, by French writer Gaston Leroux (1868-1927) and was first published as a serialisation in Le Gaulois, a French daily newspaper, from September 1909 to January 1910. Although book sales were a little lacklustre, the story became hugely successful in its various film and stage adaptations, the most notable of being the 1925 movie, and of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber’s epic 1986 stage musical. The 1925 horror movie of the same name was directed by Rupert Julian and starred Lon Chaney in the title role as the hideously disfigured Phantom who haunts the Paris Opéra, and attempts to force the management to make the woman he loves a star. The movie is most famous for actor Lon Chaney’s intentionally horrific, self-applied make-up, which was kept a studio secret until the film’s premiere. The phenomenally successful Andrew Lloyd Webber musical opened in London’s West End in 1986, and in the USA on Broadway in 1988, with music by Andrew Lloyd Webber and lyrics by Charles Hart, a young and then relatively unknown lyricist, with additions from Richard Stilgoe, the lyricist for Starlight Express. Lloyd Webber and Stilgoe also wrote the musical’s book together. Interestingly, Lloyd Webber first approached Jim Steinman to write the lyrics because of his “dark obsessive side”, but he declined in order to fulfill his commitments on a Bonnie Tyler album. Alan Jay Lerner was then recruited, but he became seriously ill and withdrew; none of his contributions (mostly involving the song Masquerade) are credited. There have been several accusations of plagiarism over the years. In 1987 the heirs of Giacomo Puccini claimed in a lawsuit that the climactic phrase in Music of the Night closely resembled a similar phrase in the sequence Quello che tacete from Puccini’s opera Girl

WHERE: Playhouse Theatre, GPAC, WHEN: TIX: INFO: GLTS:

50 Little Malop Street, Geelong October 4 - 12, 2013. GPAC box office: 5225 1200 gpac.org.au glts.asn.au

of the Golden West. This was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount. Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) has repeatedly claimed that the signature descending/ascending half-tone chord progression from Phantom’s title song was plagiarised from the bass line of a track on the Floyd’s 1971 album Meddle called Echoes. He has never taken any legal action (“Life’s too short to bother with suing Andrew f****** Lloyd Webber”). In 2013, the rights to perform Phantom were released to non-professional theatre groups. Ben Crowley, President of Geelong Lyric Theatre Society and Phantom’s Producer says, “When Lyric was offered the opportunity to present the premiere of The Phantom of the Opera the company was delighted to provide the Geelong theatre community with the chance to be involved in staging one of the world’s great musicals. There is a level of prestige associated with Phantom and personally I am thrilled to have attracted a cast of the highest calibre who I am extremely confident will deliver a production of the uppermost quality, in keeping with our audiences expectations of such a globally renowned musical.” The production’s Director, Craig Irons, has been involved in writing, directing, producing and performing in theatre from a young age. He is relishing the chance to, as he says, “recreate an epic production with decades of history and to attempt to find a fresh approach and new imagining; to work on a story and boil it down to its most human elements, and to rediscover what has made the show such a popular phenomenon on the world stage.” Bradley Treloar is the Musical Director and this production will have a massive 29-piece orchestra under his very experienced baton. Phantom will be the 40th show he has been involved with in Geelong. Dom Roussety and Stephanie Gainey are the cochoreographers. Their job is to drill the 30-strong talented cast in the intricate movements and dances, particularly in the massively extravagant and involved Masquerade set piece. Given the huge size and scale of Phantom, Lyric are sourcing elements for the show from all around the country and even overseas, to enable the best possible interpretation of the show to be enjoyed by Geelong audiences. Craig Irons says, “I hope that audiences can find the magic in the show between the sweeping melodic pattern, giant set pieces and intricate staging and choreography. I hope they can walk away appreciating story, characters and thematic content, also of course I hope they are entertained.” Last word from the Phantom: “I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in Box Five, which will be kept empty for me. Should these commands be ignored, a disaster beyond your imaginations will occur. I remain, gentlemen, you obedient servant. O. G.”

short courses Life Drawing

Basket Weaving

Basic Sewing

Introduction to Pottery

Cost: $260.00 or $35 casual Starts: Monday 7th October Duration: 8 Weeks Times: 6-8pm Cost: $270 Starts: Monday 7th October Duration: 8 weeks Times: 6-9pm

Mixed Media Collage & Art Journaling

Cost: $260 Starts: Thursday 10th October Duration: 8 weeks Times: 10-1pm

Cost: $260 Starts: Wednesday 9th October Duration: 8 weeks Times: 6-9pm Cost: $340.00 Starts: Monday 7th October Duration: 8 Weeks Times: 6-9pm

tell me a story

Recycled Garden Art & Sculpture

Cost: $340 Starts: Wednesday 9th October Duration: 8 weeks Times: 6-9pm

Felting

Cost: $270 or $45 casual Starts: Wednesday 9th October Duration: 8 weeks Times: 6-9pm

Release Your Creativity With Art @ Wholefoods Café! Our courses are based on the handmade, recycled and the more tactile methods of making art & craft. Art & craft that satisfies the soul! Make a connection with other like minded creatives. It’s a great place to be if you are, or want to become more arty and crafty!

For more info please call Diversitat Arts on 5221 6044, or online at www.diversitat.org.au or find us on facebook ‘Diversitat Arts’ FORTEMAG.COM.AU

arte dalla Australia

CLUNES CERAMIC AWARD EXHIBITION 2013

The Clunes Ceramic Award is a biennial event and was first held in 2009. The success of the first, and following, Award has ensured that the Clunes Ceramic Award will continue to develop as a respected and highly prized Regional Arts Event in Victoria. The Clunes Ceramic Award is an initiative of Creative Clunes Inc. and is in partnership with the Art Gallery of Ballarat and the Castlemaine Art Gallery and Historical Museum. This is an acquisitive prize, and in 2013 the work will be acquired by the Castlemaine Art Gallery and Historical Museum. The winning work of art will be acquired in alternate years, by the Art Gallery of Ballarat and the Castlemaine Art Gallery and Historical Museum for their Permanent Collections. Where: Union Bank Arts Centre 22 Fraser St Clunes, VIC 3370 WheN: Sept 22-Oct 13. Open: Thurs-Sun 11-4. PHONE: 03 5345 3267 INFO: www.clunesceramicaward.com.au

THE SWEET DESIRE COMEDY BURLESQUE - LE PREQUEL

gracia haby trouble digging

Welcome to The Sweet Desire - Le Prequel Comedy Burlesque; the precursor to The Sweet Desire Comedy Burlesque 2012. Due to popular demand a prequel is now in store. Come meet Veronica Superstar, Ringmaster, The Tooth Fairy, The Bearded Lady, Vivienne ‘Fluffy’ Parfait and Jurgen Burgendurgen as they bungle their way towards fame and fortune through a series of vaudeville and burlesque acts, auditions and drunken dances in various stages of undress. Where: Woodbin Theatre. 15 Coronation Street, Geelong West, VIC. WheN: Sept 25-28. PHONE: 5225 1200. INFO: www.gpac.org.au lisa roet

ALL BREATHING IN HEAVEN

travis paterson

A group exhibition by Gracia Haby, Louise Jennison and Stephen Wickham, which examines the artists’ shared interest in the intersection between the animal and human worlds. Bringing together collage, drawings and photography, the works in this special exhibition combine humour with acute observations of both wild and domestic animals while presenting imaginary worlds, highlighting the plight of endangered species, and paying homage to relationships with domestic animals. Where: Geelong Gallery. Little Malop Street, Geelong, VIC. WheN: Aug 17-Oct 13. PHONE: 5229 3645 INFO: www.geelonggallery.org.au

NOISE SCAVENGERS

Noise Scavengers is a sound art ensemble for young people aged 12 and over. The Noise Scavengers experiment with music, recordings and digital technologies, record CDs and sometimes perform in public.   Noise Scavengers are recruiting new members to work on a performance called DARK LIGHT MEDITATIONS to be performed at Courthouse Arts Oct 3-5. No experience is necessary and it doesn’t matter if you have never played a musical instrument. Where: Cloverdale Community Centre, 167169 Purnell Road, Corio, VIC 3214. WheN: Sept 23-25 (10-3); Oct 1-3 (10-3). PHONE: 5275 4415 EMAIL: noisescavengers@gmail.com INFO: www.cloverdalecommunitycentre.org.au

2013 GEELONG ACQUISITIVE PRINT AWARDS

ESTUARY – John Bartlett

Estuary is ‘a story told with heart and a true sense of tenderness’ (Tony Birch author of Shadowboxing, Father’s Day & Blood).   Estuary is the story of Seth, a carpenter and his Aunt Leila, an artist who, while incarcerated in a mental hospital in Adelaide develops a deep friendship with a young Aboriginal woman, Ruby from the Coorong.   Seth’s connection with his past reveals uncomfortable truths that he is forced to face. The twists of this story go beyond Seth’s personal history and symbolise the complex relationships that are being played out currently in Australia. John Bartlett’s novel Estuary will be launched at Connewarre Hall by author Tony Birch.    Where: Connewarre Hall, Randles Road, Connewarre, VIC. WheN: Oct 6 at 2pm. PHONE: John Bartlett 0421 646 643. INFO: www.beyondtheestuary.com

BALLARAT MUNICIPAL OBSERVATORY AND MUSEUM

This Observatory, situated at Mount Pleasant in Ballarat, was established on the initiative and with the financial support of James Oddie, and was formally opened to the public in 1886. When

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NEVERMIND THE BOLLOCKS HERE’S... HA HO’S RETRO PIN UP SHOW! Is an exhibition of fun and colourful paintings by local pop artist, Hackney Hockney (formerly known as Chris Duffy Art) Highlights include: (Interactive art) Face in a Hole Painting:

a take on the classic seaside activity of inviting people to place their face in a hole on the board and have their photo taken. Deck Chair art: Up-cycled deck chairs that feature decorated 1950s style seaside/pin up girls painted on artists canvas. Limited Edition Artist Show Bags which will include a hand painted T-shirt among other things. A six metre mural and various other ‘Paste

Oddie presented the Observatory to the people of Ballarat, it became the first municipal observatory in Australia. The observatory has a collection of some of the most beautiful stained glass windows all astronomically themed. Learn about the Cosmos with the 3D Astrotour theatre, view planets and

Ups’, live acoustic music, a complimentary drink upon arrival and canapes. Where: Saint And Sailors Bar & Lounge, 36 Newcombe Street, Portarlington, VIC. WheN: Opening on Sun Oct 6 at 2pm. PHONE: Mitch 0418 517 323. EMAIL: admin@ saintsandsailors.com.au INFO: www.saintsandsailors. com.au

stars with modern and historical telescopes. Where: Corner of Cobden Street and Magpie Street, Mount Pleasant, VIC 3350. WheN: Open Tues-Sat. PHONE: 5332 7526. INFO: www.observatory.ballarat.net

Lisa Roet is the 2013 recipient of the Geelong Acquisitive Print Award and emerging artist Travis Paterson is the recipient of the inaugural Ursula Hoff Institute Award. A gothic tale of murder and a true story addressing issues of sexuality and isolation are the primary influences behind the prizewinning works. Lisa Roet’s hardground etching triptych The Beast of Cuvier I, II & III, was inspired by the Edgar Allan Poe’s short story ‘The Murders in the Rue Morgue’, written in 1841. Seeking to address issues of sexuality and isolation, Travis Paterson’s multiplate aquatint etching Is this where

your heart is? is inspired by the trial of two young boys in 1727, found guilty of sodomy whilst working on the Dutch merchant vessel Zeewijk moored off the coast of what is now known as Geraldton, Western Australia. Their punishment was to be exiled to separate islands and left to die. This work, as Paterson explains, ‘alludes to one of the more unknowable aspects of the Zeewijk boys’ story. Were they even queer in the way we understand the term today or were they simply seeking some form of comfort?’. Where: Geelong Gallery. Little Malop Street, Geelong, VIC. WheN: Aug 31Nov 24. PHONE: 5229 3645 INFO: www. geelonggallery. org.au

WE NEED GUITARS!

Cloverdale Community Centre has had many requests to provide free guitar lessons for the many asylum seekers newly settled in the northern suburbs.   Our Adult Education Officer (and musician) Liz is happy to run classes but we don’t have any guitars.      If you have an unused guitar in the spare room, or guitars that have been retired, please consider donating them to Cloverdale Community Centre.    People on bridging visas are not permitted to work or study and their low income excludes them from participating in many community activities and programs.   Playing a musical instrument provides people on bridging visa with a creative outlet, develops resilience and connects them into community. If you have surplus guitars or are able to donate please give us a call. Where: loverdale Community Centre, 167169 Purnell Road, Corio, VIC 3214. WheN: ongoing. PHONE: Sue Hartigan: 5275 4415 or 0411 743 325 INFO: www.cloverdalecommunitycentre.org.au

arts news from around town – and beyond!

Jess Ferguson: Sophia Gaia Exhibition words by Tex Miller The week before the opening of her debut exhibition Sophia Gaia, I caught up with artist Jess Ferguson at Courthouse ARTS for a chat ahead of its opening. From the moment that we start the interview, Jess is both excited and nervous about her exhibition – which appears on the surface to be a simple concept yet upon finding out a little more about it, promises to be one of the most intriguing and thought-provoking of 2013.

THE RED TREE – Blink Dance Company

Blink Dance Company, based in Geelong, Victoria was established by a group of local contemporary dancers in 2012, and is led by Artistic Director, Lyndel Quick. Blink Dance Company is set to present its debut feature performance, The Red Tree – an adaptation of the illustrated picture book by acclaimed Australian artist Shaun Tan. The Red Tree will feature lush movement, puppetry and stunning visual media. It will appeal to both adults and older children. Dancers will lead the audience into a

sublime physical landscape, giving flight & form to a quiet journey of epic proportions. Artistic director, Lyndel Quick, has produced and directed works previously for Room2move Youth Dance Company, twice nominated for an Australian Dance Award. “Contemporary dance is massive in Melbourne, but Geelong choreographers have not had a history of platforms to help develop them as artists, to make new work, to take risks. Audiences have tended to like sure bets. But times have changed; Geelong has changed and audiences are now expecting more. It’s an exciting time to be making new work and bringing dance

to regional Victoria and Australia.” she said. Blink Dance Company also facilitated an 8-week series of art workshops as part of The Red Tree project. Artworks related to The Red Tree will be exhibited in the gallery space as part of the production. The gallery will open from 7:30pm. Where: Shenton Performing Arts Centre, cnr Ryrie & Garden Streets, East Geelong, VIC. WheN: Oct 3-5. PHONE: 5225 1200. INFO: www.gpac.org.au The City of Greater Geelong proudly supports The Red Tree.

Starting to talk about the origins of Jess’s art career after rendezvousing with mum and Jess in the café, it is easy to see how much of an influence her parents have had. Working primarily within the drawing and illustrations medium, the spontaneity within creation comes through the materials at hand at any given time. “The art that I produce predominately is inspired by what is around me. I mostly work with coloured pencils and pens and just layering techniques. So the first part of the process is laying out the design by pencil, then get that copied and go over the top with some pens. “I really like the effect that you can get from layering, and the dimensions as well. Since I was born, drawing has always been a hobby, and when I got to primary school, I started painting and using pencils and expanding my knowledge. I started developing folios in high school and ever since then my art has become a lot more professional, polished and refined.” The main idols on Jess’s work are Alex Grey and Andy Warhol, whose psychedelic and introspective journeys within their artwork have inspired her work ethic, which has changed throughout the different mediums over the course of her career of the last fifteen years. “What I love about Alex and Andy is the idea of the journey which comes across through all of their work. The use of symmetry and colour is also inspiring to what I do.

“Last year, I went travelling with a whole bunch of activists from Forest Rescue in WA, and they had a ten metre high poly pipe dome which I used to create some glow in the dark and UV light décor. Using the local flora of what was around I was able to create a space that focused towards the nurturing of the earth. I have also done an installation piece up at the Eclipse festival, where I used the concept of balance to create a piece out of quartz stone which was on the site. That idea came from meeting a couple of Japanese guys at the festival who were doing a similar thing. “Whilst working at Eclipse, I got to meet Alex Grey and James Keenan (from Tool). As Tool are one of my favourite all time bands, I think it’s fair to say it was a fan girl moment. These experiences have all played a part in building up Sophia Gaia,” Jess said. The story of Sophia Gaia is related to the solar system and how the planet came to be. With various mediums on play and an intention and influence to show that humans should live in harmony with nature, this exhibition promises to expand your mind. Head down to support one of Geelong’s up and coming arts scene members and the first of what will be many exhibitions by Jess Ferguson. When&Where: Courthouse ARTS – September 19 through October 4

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Indie Art Dolls It starts with an idea. Then, with a little help, it builds. Sooner or later, with some hard work, a genuine passion and sometimes a touch of luck, the idea is realised. And so it is that local artist Laura Duncan took her love of Bratz dolls to create her own range of one of a kind dolls, Indie Art Dolls. It’s time to spend a little time with Laura to discover if her dolls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. Hey Laura. Can you please introduce us to Indie Art Dolls and tell us a bit about yourself, and a bit about the idea? My name is Laura Duncan. I’m 29 years old and have lived in the Geelong region all my life. Indie Art Dolls has recently celebrated its 1st birthday. All Indie Art Dolls are OOAK – one of a kind. Each doll is around 30cm tall, and have hand painted or drawn faces; the bodies are slightly weighted so they can sit upright on their own. Every doll is a unique decorative statement piece to the home; each bringing personality and some attitude. My dolls are available for purchase through facebook. The link to my page is facebook.com/IndieArtDolls, or it can be found by searching Indie Art Dolls.

and teach Reproduction Porcelain Dolls and Fully Jointed Teddy Bears, so it has definitely always been in my blood; however creative and freehand drawing was always my choice in my years at school, and I was always good at art and graphics. Is this your sole passion or is it a hobby on the side? I work full-time as a Business Banking Specialist for a major bank. The doll project rejuvenated my creativity and is trending to be very popular. It definitely began as a hobby; however it has turned my life around. I have found my true passion and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. I have written a children’s story about my dolls and am currently working closely with a local artist, ‘Marley Art’, who is illustrating my dolls into characters as we speak. Marley Dalziel and I found an immediate friendship when we met at the recent Surf Coast Art & Design Market in Torquay. Tell us about the process that goes into making an Indie Doll from beginning to end. How long does it take to make each doll? Each doll takes me around 3-4 hours from start to finish – lots of cutting, sewing, turning inside out, stuffing, more stitching and embellishing. Until recently I was using acrylic paint mixed with fabric medium, but lately I’ve been dabbling with wax-based art pencils and heat to set the faces.

How did your doll making come about? What led you to making dolls?

Where do you source your materials for each doll?

I have always loved the big-eyed Bratz dolls, and have had an obsession with drawing eyes since I was a teenager. I find them so mysterious and intriguing. I had seen a few OOAK dolls on eBay and it gave me the idea. At that time the only sewing experience I had was making a hand-sewn quilt with close help from my mum. My aunty sourced a pattern of a country style doll (which wasn’t my taste); however she could see that it would be a great beginner’s pattern. And as it turned out, her choice was AWESOME because it was just the start I needed.

All sorts of places; I love Spotlight and Lincraft. I spend every weekend there, and I also source different fabrics and embellishments online for something a bit special.

Over time I have created my own pattern with help from my mum who has been a huge help and support. Without these two people in my life I definitely wouldn’t be at the level I am now and using a sewing machine. I have always had the attitude that if you put your mind to something, you can achieve anything! And I stand by it. When did you start making Indie Dolls? I made my first doll in September 2012; she was completely hand-stitched as I wasn’t confident to use a machine and really had no sewing machine skills whatsoever. Both my mum and aunty used to make

PULP. >>>>>> By Cameron Urquhart & Alastair McGibbon

Cameron: What can I say about Ahn Byeong-ki’s Phone? It’s a South Korean horror from 2003 about an investigative reporter and a haunted phone number. Or it’s about a child with an Elektra complex possessed by a ghost. Or it’s about a serial killer. Or maybe that serial killer is actually a hitman hired by someone the aforementioned reporter has recently exposed. It’s definitely a lot of different things – but is it a good film that ties together all these elements, or a complete train wreck of a story? The answer is this: I can say with complete certainty, I have seen this film. Seriously, there are far too many plot threads in this film. That serial killer story seems to be connected with the haunted phone number due to his threatening calls to the main character, but that story is dropped 45 minutes in and never mentioned again. And why is the phone number haunted? I’m seriously asking you. Someone Comic Book Heroes

What is the inspiration behind each design style? My inspiration is purely making beautiful creations that make people happy and give them a smile. Each new doll lets me be creative, and the ideas are endless. I have so many great ideas for future Indie Art Dolls. Who or what are the dolls good ideas for? Can you give us some info for those who might be interested in buying a doll? I find my buyers are all ages. I think people appreciate my work as there is something for everyone. I often do gothy dolls, mermaids, vintage, zombies, witches and kiddy-type dolls which are appealing to all ages and genres – although most of my dolls are decorative, and due to small accessories are not suitable for young children and child’s play. What was your favourite project? I had a request from a lovely lady’s partner who approached me through Facebook. He advised me

watch this and tell me because I had no idea by the end of it. There is a whole mystery surrounding a killer (a different one) and a missing girl, and at the end of the film I felt no sympathy for anyone and wasn’t sure if that was the point or not. The film is quite unnerving to begin with and has some legitimate scares along the way, but around the halfway mark the pacing completely falls apart, either slowing down horrendously or jumping forward confusingly fast. Finally, this film is about a haunted phone number, and that’s so dumb I’m not sure I can even defend it. Because of this there is a hideous ringtone that plays a million times throughout. I was jealous of the character who jammed a pencil in her ears. All up this is a super dumb and quite confusing movie, but I also really dug it. So, watch it, I guess? I have no idea… So, if you were paying attention last month, you might’ve caught a documentary on ABC1 called Comic Book Heroes. Not only was CBH a great look inside the world of comic book publication, it also shone the spotlight on a hidden gem of the comic book community: Australia’s own Gestalt Comics. Viewers were shown a glimpse of Gestalt’s elite line-up of artists, writers and titles, and one book caught my eye: Changing Ways, written and illustrated by Perth’s Justin Randall. Above all, Changing Ways is a gorgeous book. Randall’s art is superb; it’s dark, gritty and emotive all at once, and puts some of the comic industry’s finest artists to shame. Don’t think that this means the story is lacking, though; Randall’s narrative grabs you by the collar and drags you kicking and screaming through an increasingly dark and disturbing world.

Changing Ways is one of those books that will stay with you for days after you’ve read it. It’s an absolute masterpiece, and book 2 is next on my list of must-haves. Do yourself a favour and buy this book.

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memory doll sitting next to her mum’s photo. This gave me such pleasure and really made me feel like I have a purpose. My advice? You can do anything if you put your mind to it!

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After the untimely death of his young son, David Barrot moved to the town of Grey Oaks with his wife Lucy and daughter Jessie. In the middle of a devastating thunderstorm, the family is attacked by a rabid dog that breaks through their window. After dispatching the dog, the family is confronted by the dog’s strangely scarred owner, who commits suicide after being shown David’s own bizarre mark. The Barrot family’s night goes from bad to worse as more people bearing the marks appear, all of whom behave erratically or exhibit strange powers. Struggling to make sense of events, the Barrots decide to flee Grey Oaks and leave the insanity behind.

that his partner’s mother had recently passed away and wanted me to make a doll in memory of her. I suggested he source one of her favourite pieces of clothing so I could use it to make a dress for the doll. When this special doll was completed and given to the new owner, she was overwhelmed with emotion and sent me a beautiful letter and a photo of her

Chris Lilley is back, and it’s like he never went away. Seriously, if you saw the details in the media about his new series Ja’mie: Private School Girl – which at this stage are just that Chris Lilley is doing a series based around his private school girl character Ja’mie – you’d be forgiven for thinking, “Hang on, wasn’t that Summer Heights High back in 2008?” But don’t forget we also got plenty of Ja’mie back in 2005 with We Can Be Heroes; it’s only been his most recent series Angry Boys that was Ja’mie free. For a comedian often promoted as being something of a master of disguise, it might seem a little strange that he keeps returning to the same character over and over, but if you’ve followed Lilley’s career over the years you’ll have noticed that Lilley’s interests are surprisingly narrow. He likes playing teenagers – he’s yet to do a show where the focus hasn’t been on people younger than himself, unlike Barry Humphries (who he’s often compared to) – he likes the kind of comedy built on saying “inappropriate” things, he likes songs and musical theatre (again, usually built around “inappropriate” subjects), and he likes having things take a turn for the serious towards the end to underline the fact that he’s not just a comedian. Though to be fair, if he was just a comedian he’d probably want to work a little harder on actually being funny. So Ja’mie is ideal: she’s a bitchy teenage girl who does nothing but offend everyone around her, only she’s so “hot” everyone else just goes along with it. This actually worked pretty well in We Can Be Heroes, where she was largely

Chris Lilley as Ja'mie King teamed up with her mother, an ineffectual type who indulged most of her whims and got most of the laughs as her browbeaten victim. But in Summer Heights High Ja’mie was mostly seen hanging out with her friends, a group of real teenage girls who almost always agreed with everything she said or did. Without a consistent foil the comedy struggled; eventually one episode revolved around the awkwardness of her dating a boy a few years younger than her. The big problem with a lot of Lilley’s work is that while he’s good at impressions, he’s not so good at building a story around them; whether that’s because he’s just not that interested, or (more likely) that his improv-heavy style of working makes it hard to develop a story much beyond just a general outline, the end result is the same: long series that go nowhere, and in the case of Angry Boys, shed up to half their viewers across the course of their season. In We Can Be Heroes that wasn’t a problem because it only ran six episodes and had five separate storylines; by Angry Boys, which stretched five characters across twelve episodes, the problems were a lot harder to hide. Here’s hoping Lilley plays more than just Ja’mie in this upcoming series; spending six episodes just on one character sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

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FILM REVIEWS

by anthony morris Blue Jasmine Jasmine (Cate Blanchett) had it all. A New York socialite with a wealthy husband, Hal, (Alec Baldwin) in high finance, her life was one of leisure and glamorous events. But that was then; with her husband’s shady deals exposed she’s fallen on hard times. That’s why she’s flying out to San Francisco to stay with her sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins), despite the pair having next to nothing in common. Jasmine’s not exactly a people person in her current fragile state, which doesn’t help her get along with Ginger’s firmly working class boyfriend Chili (Bobby Cannavale); worse, Ginger’s ex husband (an excellent Andrew Dice Clay) still bears a grudge from when he invested a windfall with Hal and lost it all. Jasmine has vague ideas about getting her life on track, but that costs money (she has none) and requires focus (she’s not good on that either, often finding herself lost in her past, talking to herself on the street). Then she meets Dwight (Peter Sarsgaard), a diplomat with a bright future who’s in need of a classy wife. Could this be her ticket back to the good life? Woody Allen’s latest film is a character study with two things going for it: a sharp look at the divide between rich and poor in America, and a powerhouse performance from Blanchett. Playing a largely unlikable woman, she refuses to round off the edges, showing us her wounded humanity even as she’s shown to be ruthless, self-centred, vapid and vain. She’s not someone you can really warm to, but she’s not someone you can look away from either, even with an excellent supporting cast around her. She’s a woman who to a large extent has brought ruin on herself and it’s impossible to say it wasn’t deserved; it’s a harsh judgment from Allen on America’s wealthy, but it’s a valid one and Blanchett gives it searing life.

R.I.P.D. Riddick Richard B. Riddick (Vin Diesel) has come a long way since he was basically a supporting character in Pitch Black a decade or so ago. He was successful enough there to get his own spin-off film, The Chronicles of Riddick, which filled in his backstory, added a whole bunch of space sword-and-sorcery junk, and promptly fizzled at the box office. But it lingered on, eventually doing well enough on DVD that Vin Diesel and writer/director David Twohy (who’s handled all of Riddick’s big screen appearances) teamed up again to put together a third instalment independently. The good news for them is that their investment has paid off, with (just plain) Riddick making enough at the US box office alone to be counted as a hit. But is it any good? Well, that depends on how much space badassery you can handle: the first forty minutes of this two-hour film are pretty much a silent movie as Riddick battles alien dogs and alien scorpion monsters in his journey across a barren wasteland. Living in caves, creating weapons out of bone, training an alien pup to be his lethal sidekick; while his hard-boiled voiceover goes some way towards humanising him, he’s basically a killing machine turning a deadly landscape into his new home. Then he discovers an abandoned outpost with a rescue beacon right around the time he realises this is not a planet you want to be on in the rainy season. So he activates the beacon and lays a trap for whoever answers the call – a lot of traps. Two sets of bounty hunters arrive – scruffy ones led by Santana (Jordi Mollà) and ones in uniform led by Boss Johns (Matt Nable) and his sidekick Dahl (Katee Sackhoff, aka Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica) – and now Riddick is the hunter and these guys are his prey. This isn’t a fast-paced film but it makes up for it with plenty of tension in scene after scene. Problems – usually deadly ones – are laid out then the characters try (and usually fail) to solve them. It’s 180 degrees from the usual “explosions-and-shaky-cam” approach to creating drama; while many of the characters here might be on the dim side, the movie certainly isn’t. It’s solid B-movie pulp, which is something we don’t see anywhere near often enough. If the US box office means a fourth instalment is a sure thing, it’s the quality of the film that makes that a good thing.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a streetwise cop (in this case, Ryan Reynolds) stumbles across a vast undercover law enforcement operation dealing with a strange world full of monsters and freaks. He can’t go back to his old life, but he is partnered with an older, more experienced officer (in this case, Jeff Bridges). The old cop learns a few new tricks, the new cop comes to terms with this bizarre new job (that turns out to be not all that different from his old job) and together they have to crack a case that swiftly turns out to threaten the entire world. Well, it’s not like the Men in Black franchise was doing anything with that formula these days, and anyway this is totally different: it’s about ghosts, not aliens. Though in good news for people who want to see monsters in this kind of film, it seems that when you die, if you stay behind on Earth (souls fall through the cracks all the time) it begins to rot, creating something Bridges’ wild west-era lawman likes to call “soul stank” that makes things die, rot, breakdown and generally go bad. It also means that exposure to Indian food (or spicy food in general) will make you “pop” and turn into a giant malformed monster which is far more amusing to shoot at. Our cop hero was gunned down by his crooked partner (Kevin Bacon) when he refused to go along with a scheme involving some big chunks of gold; once he gets settled into working for the R.I.P.D. (Rest In Peace Department, a joke that works a lot better when it’s not spelt out) he discovers those chunks of gold have some supernatural significance too. This does the bare minimum to make it as a moderately entertaining action comedy: Bridges is a giant slice of comedy ham, the effects are decent, the action is enough to keep your eyes looking at the screen, and the angsty subplot (Reynolds left behind a wife he can’t contact) doesn’t hog too much screen time. But (ironically) there’s no life here. Reynolds is ill-chosen to play a guy who’s serious most of the time, the crazy afterlife world isn’t crazy enough, the evil scheme is utterly generic and Bacon feels underdone as the bad guy. It needed to either be a lot funnier or feel like there really was something at stake here; as it stands, R.I.P.D. is DOA.

Mood Indigo Cut down to a little over 90 minutes after initially being released at over two hours, Michel Gondry’s latest film is – fortunately, as it turns out – not big on story. Colin (Romain Duris) starts out as a happy-go-lucky Parisian bachelor in an extremely quirky version of the French capital – his household mouse travels around in his own car, fantastical contraptions control every aspect of his life and he’s just finished building a machine that mixes cocktails for you depending on what tune you play on it. All he needs to make his life complete is a woman: enter Chloe (Audrey Tautou), who’s even more quirky and fun-loving than he is. A whirlwind romance – including visiting an underground forest and being carried high above the city in a cloud lifted by a crane – follows, culminating in a bizarre race with a fellow couple to be the first to the pulpit to be married. But on the honeymoon a broken window and a flower spore Chloe breathes in signal a darker turn of events. Reportedly the excised half hour comes from the darker second half of the film: it’s perhaps of some concern that its loss is in no way noticeable. The story here is barely enough for Gondry to hang his endless procession of quirky devices, camera tricks and visual set-pieces, and with no consistent emotional tone beyond the film’s broad sweep from happy to glum (presumably the death of a major character is meant to have some emotional effect; staging their funeral as a wacky no-budget affair tends to undercut that), there’s little reason to pay attention to what’s taking place on screen. Unless, of course, you’re a fan of Gondry’s boundless imagination. You’ll come for the kind of surreal visuals you can’t get anywhere else; once that thrill wears off, there’s very little reason to stay.

Paranoia White House Down John Cale (Channing Tatum) is a Washington DC cop who’s just lined up an interview with the Secret Service. As a bonus, he’s scored two tickets to the White House tour so he’s brought along his politics-obsessed daughter Emily (Joey King); so while Cale is off being interviewed by former high school classmate Finnerty (Maggie Gyllenhaal) – it seems he was a screw-up, so no protecting the President for him – she’s getting a sound bite for her video blog from super-cool President Sawyer (Jamie Foxx). Hey, isn’t this supposed to be an action movie? Well, there is a bit of political stuff in the background about Speaker of the House Raphelson (Richard Jenkins) not supporting the President’s Middle East peace plan based around a massive troop withdrawal, not to mention it’s the final week for Secret Service Chief Walker (James Woods), but that couldn’t possibly have any relevance here; not when the world’s most suspicious team of sound system guys have arrived to fix the White House’s home cinema. And then suddenly the Capitol Dome explodes, and while everyone’s rushing over there the sound guys pull guns over here and pretty soon someone’s saying over the radio “White House down.” This is really just a buddy cop movie where the nerdy glasses-wearing partner happens to be the President; it’s also pretty much Die Hard in the White House with a hefty slice of The Rock (such as the bad guys’ motivation, plus the secret tunnels under the White House and a large slice of the big climax) thrown in.Director Roland Emmerich (who previously destroyed the White House in Independence Day – which has a shout-out here – and 2012) gets all up close and personal with the carnage – a bad guy even shoots a portrait of Washington just for fun. Pianos are smashed, flags are knocked down, doors are shot up, and helicopters crash into just about everything; by the time the presidential limo starts doing donuts on the front lawn it feels like business as usual … right until the President pulls out a rocket launcher. It could be shorter and it could be better at the small-scale action, but if you want to see a whole lot of stuff being trashed in fairly stupid ways, all your Christmases have come at once.

Mortal Instruments: City of Bones: What do you get if you cross Harry Potter with Twilight, with a bit of Buffy mixed in? Something a lot like this tale of a teenage girl who discovers a secret world of monsters and the (generally sexy, generally magic) people who fight them. Red 2: Forget the Expendables; this is the other franchise where

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old actors fire off big guns in an attempt to save the world from other old actors; though they both do star Bruce Willis so it’s an easy mistake to make. This one is slightly classier, featuring both John Malkovich and Helen Mirren, with Anthony Hopkins turning up as a nutty professor too. Smurfs 2: Hank Azaria as bad guy Gargamel is once again the only watchable thing in this tale

of a bunch of little blue creatures who – this time – are faced with evil-ish grey versions of themselves designed to make them naughty, so … oh who cares if you’re old enough to read, you’ve got better things to do than watch this at a cinema. The Best Offer: Geoffrey Rush is the world’s leading auctioneer. He’s also not above under-valuing the good stuff so his partner in

A solid reminder that part of the reason why they don’t make midbudget thrillers like they used to is because they often weren’t very good, Paranoia stars Liam (brother of the guy who plays Thor) Hemsworth as a would-be smartphone software star who flames out at his first big presentation. But his boss (Gary Oldman) is impressed by the way he then uses his corporate account to pay for a massive night on the town rather than embezzle the cash to help his sick father (Richard Dreyfuss), so he blackmails him into working for his corporate rival (Harrison Ford) to steal his new prototype phone. Vague questions about the allure of corporate success and slightly sinister surveillance schemes never quite congeal into anything compelling: the sinister vision of all-encompassing surveillance here largely involves being shocked that there are cameras hidden in the apartment you were given by the guy whose entire business model is based around spying on people. Meanwhile the big name cast merely confirm that big names don’t count for much in movies any more. The plot holes are pretty big when you think about them too: Adam gets the spying job because Wyatt is impressed that Adam used his $16,000 to party hardy instead of using the money to pay his father’s medical bills, even though that clearly seems the work of an idiot and not someone you’d want to involve in the kind of corporate espionage that’ll send you directly to jail if exposed. Meanwhile, his girlfriend Emma (Amber Heard) wants nothing to do with Adam when she thinks he’s broke, but once he shows up pretending to have his act together she’s all over him. Still, it’s never actually boring and the occasional quirky moment keeps this from being a dead loss. But these corporate tigers are too toothless to generate any real suspense.

crime (Donald Sutherland) can pick them up cheap; and his love life consists of secretly collecting paintings of beautiful women. But when a mysterious seller arrives on the scene – well, invites him to her mansion, as she never comes out of her room – he might come for the antiques but he stays for the strange feelings growing in his heart. We’re the Millers: If you have to

bring a campervan full of drugs across the USA-Mexico border, what better way to do it than with a fake family to make you seem innocent? It’s a decent scheme for a crime – maybe not so good a set-up for a comedy if the result here is any guide. Elysium: It’s the future and all the rich people have moved off-planet to a luxury space habitat called Elysium. Matt Damon is not rich,

which helps explain why the final hour of this film is one massive (and very well-done) series of action chases and shoot-outs as he tries to get what’s (not) his. Now You See Me: It’s magicians robbing banks – on stage – in this fast-paced film that’s keen to give off the illusion of being smart but never manages to back it up. Having a much better twist at the end wouldn’t have hurt either.

MUSIC REVIEWS

liVe review

l i V e r evi e w

Seth Sentry

CQ Unplugged winter series grand final

The Wool Exchange, Geelong Saturday, September 7

Regurgitator

Barenaked Ladies

The Barons of Tang

Dirty Pop Fantasy

Grinning Streak

Valve

Vanguard

Into The Mouths of Hungry Giants

Brisbane rock outfit Regurgitator are back with their eighth album. To be honest, I’ve never been a big fan of these guys. I liked ‘Polyester Girl’ back in the day, but at that point my tastes were strictly mainstream, as I was ten at the time. Then they fell off my radar until that Channel [V] stunt, where the band recorded an entire album while living in a Perspex bubble in Federation Square. That album was Mish Mash, and it was pretty terrible, so I stopped paying attention to them. However, Dirty Pop Fantasy isn’t too bad. It’s not exactly my thing, but I can see some of the appeal. Of course, that could be because this album has some really left-field tracks, as far as Regurgitator are concerned. One early gem is ‘Mountains’, which feels a little bit eighties pop, with its synth hooks and deep vocals. ‘Made to Break’, at least to me, sounds like what would happen if Grinspoon swapped guitars for synths; it’s good, but it would be a great rock song with guitars. Album closer ‘Fantasyland’ is actually acoustic, which is especially strange considering who we’re talking about. It’s pretty good, but not a must buy. It’s nineteen tracks, with plenty of the usual Regurgitator sounds. By Cameron Brogden

The most celebrated Canadian band of the mid-nineties, Barenaked Ladies are back with their whopping eleventh album. This is as much a shock to me as it is to you as I’m only really familiar with their nineties stuff, and most people only remember the singles ‘One Week’ and ‘It’s All Been Done’. And, of course, that classic – The Big Bang Theory theme song. As fundamental as BNL are as an example of nineties alt-rock, and to the history of television, this newest album lacks the energy of their best known songs. While ‘One Week’ is a party song, and ‘The Big Bang Theory’ is a fun sing-along (it’s ‘autotrophs’, not ‘artichokes’ people!), this new album, and a large chunk of their output, is neither. It seems as though those songs were written by founding member Steven Page, and he also performed the lead vocal. Unfortunately, he left the band in 2009, leaving the previously shared lead vocal and songwriter spot to the other founding member, Ed Robertson. While I thoroughly enjoyed the album, I was expecting at least one ‘One Week’-esque party song, however it’s track after track of almost pop-rock. If not for the signature vocals of Ed Robertson, this would be just another poprock album. However, Robertson’s lyrics are just a little more complex, wordy and sometimes a little silly. All in all, worth a buy for BNL fans, and something a little bit different. Highlight is ‘Odds Are’, for a quirky love song. By Cameron Brogden

Ind Sometimes I’ll be looking through the piles of CDs sent into Forte and see nothing that I particularly want. Then I see a fantastic band name and I just have to review it. The Barons of Tang is one such band. The Melbourne-based seven-piece produce what they call “gypsy death-core”. I can’t think of anything better to call it; it’s this crazy mix of metal, rockabilly, polka, tango and a little bit of world music. Throughout the album there are shades of They Might Be Giants, but that could just be their love of strange instruments. Not “strange” per se, but not what you expect from a rock band. Clarinets, accordions and saxophones abound. There is always a dozen different things going on at once; it’s fantastic. I can only imagine what seeing these guys live would be like. Unfortunately, seeing them live is probably the only time I could really justify listening to them. Because of the sheer craziness of everything that is happening, it’s not exactly music you can chill to, it doesn’t really have a beat you can dance to, and it’s not exactly something you could sing-along to. It’s music for the sake of music. It’s great, especially if you’re looking for something different. Buy the album or at least check out their ‘Unearthed’ page. Then go see them live. By Cameron Brogden

Until last week, I had only seen one Australian hip hop act, and that was the legendary Hilltop Hoods. With the opportunity to see Mr Seth Sentry at the Wool Exchange on his ‘Vacation’ tour, I definitely could not pass it up. First up on the night was Grey Ghost, whose inattention by the majority of the crowd (except for the hardcore followers up the front) I think was primarily due to the song selection of improvised freestyling to ‘Gold on the Ceiling’ by the Black Keys as the first song of his set. If I’m completely honest, it didn’t really energise for what was to come, and I thought that the lyrics for some of his original material was undercooked. Although he forgot some of the lyrics at the start of his set, Mantra (who is becoming a veteran to the Australian hip hop scene in a way) knew how to work the crowd. With a new album out now, it won’t be long until he is heading out on the road as the main act. From the moment that DJ Sizzle dropped the opening beat, everybody knew that they were in for something special. Opening with the latest single ‘Vacation’, Seth got everyone in the building engaged with his performance, and through firing polystyrene Nerf gun bullets into the crowd it’s easy to see that a fun experience is what Seth is all about. After confessing his love for a cup of Russian Caravan tea, he moved on to what would become the highlights of the set. Playing songs from his whole discography including ‘Room for Rent’, ‘Float Away’ and the now classic ‘Dear Science’, Seth Sentry is one of the best showmen around.

city quarter, Geelong Thursday, September 12 The CQ Unplugged winter series has concluded with San Rae taking out the prestigious prize, which includes an album recording session with Oxygen Music amongst a stack of others. As always, the talent on show was nothing short of spectacular, and with many different genres on show it would have been extremely hard for the judge’s to a pick a winner, of which the decision came down to a mere couple of points. The acts included Jum Ryan, Bethany Lyall Green and Dean Cockerall, CJ Lee, Rach Brennan and Andrew Silaev, Olly Friend and San Rae. Each with their own distinct and fresh twist on the acoustic genre, the audience, although significantly smaller than the previous Grand Final (which saw the premiere of Forte TV), showed their support for each and every artist. Although a strong focus was held on the original compositions by each act, there were a few surprise covers thrown in that definitely gave the original a run for its money. Jum Ryan threw in a stripped back and jazzy verse of the Daft Punk hit ‘Get Lucky’ which got many feet tapping; Bethany Green and Dean Cockerall tried their hand at ‘I Will Wait’ by Mumford and Sons and, despite the absence of banjos and double bass, pulled off a respectable cover. The venue was definitely pumping when bluesman CJ Lee (fellow left-hander and new Torquay resident) hit the stage with just a stomp box, acoustic guitar and slide. The rawness of his performance and energetic beat allowed for some sweaty dance floor action to take place. Returning for their second appearance at the CQ Unplugged event was Rach Brennan and Andrew Silaev, who showed that enormous progress can be made within the six months between each event. Having played in Asia, Europe and New Zealand over the past decade, San Rae, with his open tuned guitar, showed off his distinctive style, which draws comparisons to Xavier Rudd and John Butler. Ollie Friend returned as well to play a spot with added percussion into the mix; with gigs lined up in the US for later in the year, it’s definitely a name to remember.

If you can, head out to see this show – because in the end, you’ll be hooked in the middle of the mosh with your hands up. Five stars.

If anything, the CQ Unplugged series shows that there is a massive amount of talent around the region. If you haven’t entered yet, get out of your bedroom, tune up that guitar and head down to get your music out there.

By Tex Miller

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grogwatch There’s a documentary out now in cinemas – IN ACTUAL CINEMAS, holy crap – about J.D. Salinger, and if you don’t know why that’s freaking me out just a little then strap yourselves in because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. All of us have obsessions – well, more like really interesting interests in this case – that we don’t really expect the general public to share. Okay, maybe not all of us: if you’re obsessed with football you’re someone I probably don’t really want to spend much time with, because if you’re obsessed with football then a) you clearly don’t have much imagination because c’mon, in Victoria that’s like being obsessed with the sun or dirt or being attacked by blowflies in summer, and b) what’s the point of being obsessed with something that’s all around us already? You want to be obsessed with something strange and hard to find, something you have to go and search out, something that when to you talk to other people about it they don’t know what the hell you’re talking about but you carry them on by the sheer force of your passion. Being passionate about football? That’s like being passionate about nothing at all. Where’s the challenge there? Where’s the thrill when you see a tiny story on your obsession in the newspaper, quickly followed by a growing anger as you realise they’ve gotten pretty much everything wrong and have treated the fans like they’re from the special needs class to boot? Where’s the instant friendship-for-life that happens when you meet someone as obsessed with your passion as you because you only meet one of them every few years if you’re lucky? Where’s the creepy knowledge that in some deep way you’re letting your obsession define who you are and that’s okay because it means who you are is someone out of the ordinary? Liking football is like saying your favourite thing to eat is “food”; who wants to talk to you if that’s the best you can do?

All that said, I have a whole lot of obsessions on the go at any one time, so some of them I pick because they’re not going to cut into valuable drinking time; and one of these happens to be the author of The Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger. He’s a great author if you want to pick an author to absorb yourself in because there’s just not that much out there you need to pick up on. He only ever published four (short) books: short story collection Nine Stories, novel The Catcher in the Rye, and two books with two novellas each, Franny & Zooey and Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour: an Introduction. You can read them all in a fortnight and when you’re done you’re about as big an expert on Salinger as ever lived. Okay, maybe not; he also published a bunch of early short stories he didn’t have collected (good luck spending the fortune required to track them down), and he also published one final novella in US magazine The New Yorker titled Hapworth 16, 1924, which I do recommend you track down for reasons I’ll get to in a moment. The news just keeps on getting better: even though he wrote all that stuff between the 1940s and mid-1960s, it’s still really readable today thanks to Salinger being a massive influence on pretty much everyone who wants to write about teenagers. In a lot of ways Catcher pretty much invented modern teenagers, and despite the lack of vampires and mobile phones it still holds up as a first-rate look into a certain kind of teen mindset. Everything else isn’t quite as good, but Salinger on a bad day is still a pretty awesome writer. Thing is, if you’ve already heard about Salinger then probably what you’ve heard is that he was a famous recluse who went into hiding for mysterious reasons, and what’s going on there? What did he have to hide, huh? Huh? And if that’s all you know about him then guess what? There’s a documentary out now in cinemas aimed right at you. But if you’re like me and have been a fan of Salinger’s for a fair while now, not only do you know exactly why he went into hiding because IT’S NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN A SECRET, but you don’t really care, because … hey, remember why I said it was important to track

down that Hapworth story that was the last story Salinger ever published? We both know you’re probably never going to do it (I think you can buy a digital copy of the issue it’s in from the New Yorker website – and having told you I still don’t think you’re going to do it), so let me save you the trouble because seriously? it’s not very good. At all. Large chunks of it – and it’s a long story – are little more than a shopping list of books and stuff this precious teen likes, only he’s probably the least convincing teen ever written and the whole thing is quite frankly a mess. But there is a big upside: once you’ve read it, suddenly you don’t mind that Salinger didn’t publish anything after it, because after reading it you’ll never want to read anything by Salinger again. How does this tie in with Salinger’s “vanishing” in the mid 1960s? Well, for starters he didn’t really vanish: Catcher had brought with it a level of fame nobody would be able to cope with, let alone a fairly reserved guy who’d almost certainly been messed up by fighting in World War II (he went ashore on D-Day and helped liberate a concentration camp, so he didn’t have an easy ride of it). He was also increasingly interested in an obscure and complex form of Buddhism that encouraged his disengagement from the world, so he up and moved to a small country town and basically just lived out the rest of his life there. He wasn’t a recluse – the people in the town saw him a lot and protected him from outsiders – and he travelled a lot too, but he didn’t give interviews and he didn’t like talking to fans much. Having him be a recluse was a better story so the media usually just went with that. Wait, what’s the point of that documentary (in cinemas now) again? And if you want to know more, there’s been three biographies on Salinger published, all of which say basically the same stuff: lots of him flitting around the literary scene pre-WWII, him being a bit fragile after WWII, him hitting the big time and then retreating to his small town, and then a whole lot of not much. But there was one thing that the sleazier biographies could always fall back on: Salinger liked his ladies young. Not illegally young, mind you – though on more than one occasion he started up a correspondence with a girl in her teens (even her early teens) that would lead to hanky-panky (c’mon, the guy was born in the 1920s, if I can’t call it “hanky-panky” here when can I say it?) once she was eighteen or so – but often in later life there’d be an age difference of thirty or more years between his partner and him.

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I really do wish I was joking when I say that at least one of these biographies says with a straight face something along the lines , “sure, she was in her twenties and he was in his fifties, but if they’d been going out when he was in his thirties she would have been … UNDER AGE!!” And if they’d been going out when he was in his twenties she wouldn’t have existed, so where’s the crime there again? Yeah yeah, ew, ew, ewww, but sadly everyone in the past was way creepier than we are today – and we are so much creepier than everyone’s going to be in the future so we really can’t afford to get too snooty when it comes to passing judgment because 200 years from now everyone’s going to be all like “those 21st Century monsters all DROVE CARS!! And USED SOAP!!!”, so we’re going to look pretty stupid if we start hating on Salinger just because he knew what he liked and what he liked was usually aged around 19. So hang on a second: why is there a documentary about this quasi-sex pest and one-hit wonder in cinemas? Oh, that’s right, because in today’s world, where more information than ever before is literally at our fingertips, most people still tend to rely on the half-baked stuff they overheard on the bus that one time. And when it comes to J.D. Salinger, that stuff is he vanished and became a recluse and nobody knows why. Sure, he didn’t actually become a recluse, and it’s obvious why he left public life, but why should anyone let that get in the way of making a big-time movie (plus tie-in book) about “the big mystery”, especially when there are loads of people willing to spend money on a movie ticket to find out why but not willing to save money by typing “J.D. Salinger” into Google. Not that I’m complaining; I’ve just signed a six-figure deal for my own documentary “What Sunk the Titanic”. Oh wait, that’s actually a real thing? Forget I said anything; the only mystery here is the mystery of why people believe this stuff. Tony “That Titanic book reckons the ship sank not because it hit an iceberg, but because it was made out of cheap steel that fell apart when the ship brushed against an iceberg … oddly, the ships built before and after the Titanic had no such problem, but SHUT UP” Montana

FORTE'S

Will Ferrell Movies!

1 Anchor Man

Talladega Nights

Semi Pro

Step Brothers

The Other Guys

Each week we will be picking a topic, debating it in the office, and listing our Top 5. We will also be positing each Top 5 to our Facebook and invite your opinion as to what your Top 5 is!

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