Forte #551

issue 551 24 JA N 2013

next issue: 7 FEB 2013 • • • •

the universal

ash grunwald

• •

ballarat bendigo geelong surfcoast warrnambool werribee

Great Australian Beer Festival Geelong 2013 Guide!

Pg.16

+ What's On For Summer Guide Pg.23

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM A fitting introduction we think as we lead into our beloved Aussie long weekend. Debating our movements for Australia Day weekend in office over the last couple of weeks, we all seem to be sitting back waiting for one of our friends to call ‘party at my place!’. But, with our friends apparent lack of hospitality - the silver lining appears. We suddenly realised that whilst house parties are ultimately a rad way to spend your Australia Day, we have had our blinkers on to all the unreal things happening about town. Take the 1st Annual Odyssey Blues & Folk Festival for example, great food, great beers, live music, and the countdown, hell yeah! Make sure you check out the calendar for two million other ways to fill in your Aussie weekend for those of you with friends as inhospitable as our own.

This issue also features an interview with Sen Dog of hip hop group Cypress Hill as they get ready play Soundwave, a whole heap of info on the Courthouse Arts New Years Revolution, plus an interview with Australian journeyman Ash Grunwald. So whilst in this issue we say so-long to our What’s On For Summer feature, we are nonetheless, not ready to stop celebrating the special summer events happening across town.

Good luck to you all heading in to the long weekend, may something weird or wonderful or hilarious happen to you all so that you can sit around and reminisce on it with your mates next Australia Day. Last year a mate at a house party of 300 people got nude on the balcony and danced to ‘Bounce’ by Calvin Harris. He’s now a Youtube sensation. We’re hoping to top that.

See you round.

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FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara

luke@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................James Dulce

David DiCristoforo SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Sarah Gross

April Grenfell

ADVERTISING ......................Anton Ballard

aballard@fortemag.com.au

Bec McIntyre bec@fortemag.com.au

Marc Wilkins marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

CONTRIBUTORS...................

Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana PRINTED BY.........................

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the HIGHLIGHTS

THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours The Highlights: We go Bump in the night.

Coming up you have‌ .........................................................................

Legends on the Lawn A handful of Australia’s finest will come together for the Legends on the Lawn day out at Werribee Park on March 17. Vanessa Amorosi, Jon Stevens, Diesel and Mental as Anything will take to the stage from 12midday onwards. The show wraps up at 5pm which means you can enjoy a day out with the family before getting home, having a bite to eat and getting the kids in bed for school the next day. Information through legendsonthelawn.com.au. .........................................................................

New Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Genre benders Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are set to release their new album in March and in case you’re wondering what their seventh album will hold, Robert Levon Been told Rolling Stone magazine that Pink Floyd and Spiritualized have influenced the newie. “We always were fans of Pink Floyd and Spiritualized records... We wanted to attempt to take people on a ride and have songs cross fade and reach over and different tricks we’d always wanted to do.� The album is titled Specter at the Feast. .........................................................................

Janes Addiction: The Musical In an extensive interview with Prefix magazine, Jane’s Addiction frontman Perry Farrell revealed some interesting news about the future of his band.

He said: “My next project is that I’m working on a play, it’s a musical. But it’s going to be immersive theatre.

It’s not going to be in a theatre, I’m going to create an environment and the music will be within that environment, and Jane’s Addiction will be within that environment.� The full interview can be found through prefixmag.com. .........................................................................

Step Right Up to Nitro Circus Do you love death defying stunts, mind-blowing tricks and crazy antics? It may sound like a typical Saturday night to some but to most it means the thrills and

spills action of Nitro Circus. With a massive cast of 40 athletes including X Games king Nate Adams and local pin-ups Cam Sinclair, Blake Williams and Josh Sheehan, Nitro Circus is full of crazy big tricks to get the heart racing. Simonds Stadium, Geelong - March 20 & Latrobe City Sports Stadium - March 23. Details through nitrocircuslive.com.

sleeping with sirens

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On the Road with Grinspoon

Soundwave Sidewaves

There was a time when Grinspoon were wide-eyed rockers ready to take on the music world. Now they’re a little more blurry-eyed, have conquered the music world, and have become the wise rockers young bands could well turn to for advice. They still love what they do though and still play with the energy they had back in the day. Their new album is Black Rabbits and they want you to know about it. The HiFi - March 22; The Yarra Hotel, Geelong - April 24; Pier Live - April 25; Inferno - April 26; Ferntree Gully Hotel - April 27.

Hopefully you’ve all been working hard and have a few dollars handy because there are plenty of Soundwave sideshows taking place. Let’s look at a few: Duff McKagan’s Loaded - The Espy on February 28; Garbage - The Forum on February 27; Sum 41 - The Palace on February 28; Tomahawk - Billboard on February 27; Sick Of It All - The Espy on February 27; Sleeping with Sirens (and guests) - The Hi-Fi on February 27; Blood on the Dance Floor - Arrow on Swanston on February 28; Blink 182 - Myer Music Bowl on February 26 & 27. Hit soundwavefestival.com for a complete list and further details.

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The Ultimate Guide to Country If you’re a country lovin’ guy or gal, you will want to get your hands on the Official Guide to the Toyota Country Music Festival. Sponsored once again by Destination Tamworth, the bumper 268-page book features everything you need to know about the Tamworth Country Music Festival. Whether or not you have been part of the event doesn’t really matter as there is plenty to keep you entertained including a Capital News souvenir 20-track music CD. You can get yourself a copy through tamworthcountrymusic. com.au. .........................................................................

Joan Jett brings The Darkness If ever there was a concert to rock out with your c*ck out (although I wouldn’t advise it lest you be arrested) it would be the upcoming Joan Jett and The Darkness tour. Hitting you with a big slab of rock across the face, the artists have been honing their skills as support for Lady Gaga. Joan Jett could still kick the arse of any of today’s female poptarts while The Darkness, well, they could kick some major arse with one hand tied behind their back on a fretboard. Venue to be announced - April 6.

xavier rudd

Port Fairy Folk Festival The music treats keep on coming for the 37th Port Fairy Folk Festival. Do you want to know what, or more appropriately who, they are? Sean Taylor, London Klezmer Quartet, Cactus Channel, Baby et Lulu, The Ramshackle Army, Riogh, Andy Alberts & The Walkabouts, Mustered Courage, Matthew Fagan, The Stillsons and festival favourite Xavier Rudd. For the full line-up so far hit portfairyfolkfestival.com. March 8 - 11.

Shihad joins Black Sabbath

Federation Square’s Amp Alive

New Zealand-born, Australian-adopted (take that NZ) rockers Shihad have been named the main support for Black Sabbath’s much-hyped upcoming tour.

Opening for a band with such a high standing takes a band who has some pretty big cojones but if ever there was a band up to the task it would be Shihad.

25 years and still going strong Shihad has released eight albums and has been inducted into the New Zealand Music Hall of Fame.

Hosted by Clare Bowditch and Kevin Mitchell, Amp Alive is a showcase of some of Australia’s finest talents. The free event, which takes place at Melbourne’s Federation Square on February 1, will also announce the remaining shortlisted acts for the 8th Australian Music Prize. Performing on the day will be Jess Ribeiro & The Bone Collectors, Urthboy and Hermitude. Things get underway at 6pm.

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Another Round for Ted

Coexisting with The xx

Well, it would come as no surprise that Ted is looking at getting a sequel. The Seth MacFarlane-created comedy starring Mark Wahlberg grossed a whopping $500-million worldwide and when MacFarlane was asked about the possibility of a sequel after announcing the Oscar nominations he told Collider: “There’s nothing official yet. Everybody involved would like to do it, but it has not been officially signed off on yet. But it’s very promising.�

In 2010 Australia became witness to UK indie trio The xx for the first time. Performing at Laneway Festival, the buzz surrounding the outfit was so great that their sideshows sold out within minutes. So, it is with great excitement that Jamie Smith, Romy Madley Croft and Oliver Sim are set to return. In September last year the band released their second album, Coexist.

Again the love here was great with the album debuting at #2 on the ARIA charts. Festival Hall - April 4.

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE

Thursday January 24 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 7pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets ODYSSEY BLUES & FOLK FESTIVAL: Day 1 - Featuring Shaun Kirk, Alister Turrill & Jamie Pye, tickets $20 + BF Thursday & Friday available through Oz Tix, doors open 7.30pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot TORQUAY HOTEL: OKA. Tickets available through the venue or oztix.com.au TORQUAY NIGHTJAR MARKET: Independent Artists Market from 4pm till 10pm every Thursday in January. Includes live performances from Alanna & Alicia, Red Whyte, The Swells, Nude Funk Orchestra & The Larson Effect plus Busker’s Pit, Art Installations and more. No BYO alcohol. Gold Coin Donation KAROVA LOUNGE: The Mines supported by Death By Snu Snu. Free entry, doors open 9pm BEAV’S BAR: Austin Lucas, Jamie Hay, PJ Bond, Nathan Seeckts & Dave Anderson MYNT LOUNGE: Mynt Thursday present Peking Duk (ACT) Do The Burbs (Werribee) BRIDGE HOTEL: Modham (Scotland) 2 sets. $15 entry. Doors 8.30pm (Castlemaine) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) EUREKA HOTEL: Joel Fletcher, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J, MCK, Some Deckheads & more. Free before 11pm

Friday January 25 TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Toast Fridays Foam Frenzy featuring Dark France, Jamie Vlahos, Digga Please, Isaac Fryar, Kid Kurupt & Partners in Crime GROVEDALE HOTEL: Good Faces 4 Radio GEELONG NIGHT MARKET: Live music from Farquarson, The Violent Ivy’s, Victoriana Gaye and more. All your favourite food stalls & art installations on display. Held at Johnstone Park from 5.30pm - 10pm ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday BLACK HATT: Drink promos from 5pm till 7pm, Wild Turkey performing (free entry) ODYSSEY BLUES & FOLK FESTIVAL: Day 2 - Featuring Carus Thompson, Tom Milek & Lucas William, tickets $20 + BF Thursday & Friday available through Oz Tix, doors open 7.30pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Cazbar Friday Goes Live featuring Fistful of Steel LORNE HOTEL: Wah Wah Fridays Summer Series

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featuring Robyn Gold & Jack Talbot (Lorne) CITY QUARTER BAR: Tom & Tayla CUDA BAR: Victoriana Gaye from 7.30pm, DJ Yuen from 10pm till late THE BARWON CLUB: Touch me, I’m Veeped. Tickets $10 from 7pm EDGE GEELONG: Levi & Cody HARVESTER MOON: Collard Greens & Gravy, Dinner & Show concert, doors open at 6.30pm with show starting at 8.00pm BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos RAINBOW SERPENT FESTIVAL: Electronic line-up including international artists Guy J, Tim Healyey, Audiojack, Quanta & more, domestic artists include Spoonbill, Ozzy, Mr Bill, Simon Sleiker, TZU, OKA, Gang of Brothers & more (Beaufort) WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: Friday Night Entertainment in the Sports Bar from 8pm with Duo Deluxe LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Revolution Fridays featuring live, original local bands and DJs from 9pm - Pretty City, DJ Johnny El Pajaro & more MYNT LOUNGE: Boombox Saturdays presents Future Music Warm Up Party with Matt Black (Werribee) CUDA BAR: Victoriana Gaye from 7.30pm, DJ Brendan Yuen from 10pm (Lorne) BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid BRIDGE HOTEL: St Jude supported by Junk Horses.

Cost TBC, doors from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) TORQUAY HOTEL: Mark Storie (London) Tickets available through the venue or oztix.com.au (Torquay) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Australia Day Long Weekend Triple Header with Orkestrated (Barwon Heads)

Saturday January 26 TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Toast Saturdays with Joel Fletcher, Ned Lucas & Corey Ryan, plus drink promos before 11pm GROVEDALE HOTEL: Summer Sessions with Wayne Thompson - Thom ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Regular Boys from 9pm till midnight ODYSSEY BLUES & FOLK FESTIVAL: Day 3 - Featuring Jay Hoad, Matt Katsis, Johnny Hawkin & Jo Dawson plus Triple J Hottest 100 party all day long. Tickets $30 + BF doors open 11am. 3 day festival passes available for $50 + BF - available through Oz Tix HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Lab 22, Noizy Neighbours & Mothership Explode into Home House featuring Kalus, Orgy, Nick James, Bebz & Wally, RnB downstairs.

MOYSTON LIVE MUSIC FESTIVAL: Featuring Mick Thomas’ Roving Commission, Carus Thompson & band, Liz Stringer & Van Walker, Dirt River Radio, Shaun Kirk, Tim Scanlan, Gallie & The Mahony Brothers. Tickets $40 adult, $80 family. Licensed event, no BYO, camping available, tickets sold through trybooking.com/32051 THE MAX HOTEL: Australia Day Hottest 100 BBQ from 12pm THE BLUES TRAIN: Epic Australia Day Line Up featuring Phil Manning, Fiona Boyes, Geoff Achison & Jimi Hocking’s Blues Machine (Queenscliff) CITY QUARTER BAR: Jesse Reid EDGE GEELONG: Matt & Grant LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm RAINBOW SERPENT FESTIVAL: Electronic line-up including international artists Guy J, Tim Healyey, Audiojack, Quanta & more, domestic artists include Spoonbill, Ozzy, Mr Bill, Simon Sleiker, TZU, OKA, Gang of Brothers & more (Beaufort) WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: Saturday Night entertainment in the Bistro from 6pm with Ben Costanzo BIG DAY OUT FESTIVAL: Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Killers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Weekend, Band of Horses, The Bloody Beetroots, Animal Collective, Sleigh Bells, Foals, Crystal Castles, Alabama Shakes & much, much more. General admission cost $165, held at Flemington Racecourse, Melbourne. Visit www.bigdayout.com/melbourne for more details KAROVA LOUNGE: Dr Crunch & DJ Salinger. Tickets $5, doors open 9pm.

CUDA BAR: The Beachniks from 7.30pm plus T-Dub from 10pm mixing reggae, house & hip hop (Lorne) BEAV’S BAR: Nick Tabone BRIDGE HOTEL: Heavy Beach supported by Buried Feather. $10 entry, doors open from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) TORQUAY HOTEL: The Go Set. Tickets available

through the venue or oztix.com.au (Torquay) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) BARWON HEADS HOTEL: Australia Day Long Weekend Triple Header with Stevie Mink (Barwon Heads) EUREKA HOTEL: Australia Day Party with J Heasy, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J, MCK, Some Deckheads & more. Free before 11pm

Sunday January 27

BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Nightclub, featuring Ryan Riback & Robyn Gold from 3am till 7am RIFFAGE ON THE HIGH SEAS: With The Frowning Clouds and The Living Eyes departing Cunningham Pier at 2pm, for enquiries call 5261 5149 HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Australia Day Long Weekend Party with SCNDL plus DJ Halfcuts downstairs SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan HYGEIA SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE: Boarding Bay end of Yarra Street at 2pm travelling to Portarlington & beyond, returning at 5pm. Live entertainment on board featuring Dog Gone South. Tickets are $50 including band & fingerfood, drinks available at bar prices. Booking advised, call: 5254 1111 TORQUAY HOTEL: The Go Set. Tickets available through the venue or via oztix.com.au CITY QUARTER BAR: Craig Sayer EDGE BAR: Jay & Mick (afternoon), Marcus Hayden (night) HARVESTER MOON: Fiona Boyes (NSW) Dinner & Show concert, doors open at 6.30pm with show starting at 8.00pm RAINBOW SERPENT FESTIVAL: Electronic line-up including international artists Guy J, Tim Healyey, Audiojack, Quanta & more, domestic artists include Spoonbill, Ozzy, Mr Bill, Simon Sleiker, TZU, OKA, Gang of Brothers & more (Beaufort) WOLSELEY WINERY: The Riding Hood supported

by Paradise. Doors open at 3pm with music from 4pm.

Tickets $15, 1790 Hendy Main Rd, Paraparap CUDA BAR: Salty Dog Blues Duo from 8.30pm (Lorne) KNOCK KNOCK: The Barking Dog & Love That Music present Knock Knock featuring Will Sparks, Chemical Energy, Ah Yeah plus all your favourite house names. Doors open 4pm, entry $10 BEAV’S BAR: Ross O’Connell ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Society Syncopators BRIDGE HOTEL: Grumpy Neighbour (Sunday December Residency) 4pm till 6pm, free entry. (Castlemaine) DRYSDALE HOTEL: Cool Change playing from 2pm in the Beer Garden, free entry. (Drysdale) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) BARWON HEADS HOTEL:Australia Day Long Weekend Triple Header with Peking Duk (Barwon Heads) EUREKA HOTEL: Australia Day Long Weekend with Chardy, Kate Niall, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J, MCK, Some Deckheads & more. Free before 11pm TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Burnt Toast Public Holiday Eve with Matt Magoo, Blake, Digga Please, Kid Kurupt & Exposure BLACK HATT: Wonderland Sundays featuring Digga Please, Corey Ryan, Miss Rush VS Vickers, Kids Table & Townsend. BBQ with gold coin donation, free zooper doopers. Tickets $10, doors open from 6pm

Monday January 28 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11 RAINBOW SERPENT FESTIVAL: Electronic line-up including international artists Guy J, Tim Healyey, Audiojack, Quanta & more, domestic artists include Spoonbill, Ozzy, Mr Bill, Simon Sleiker, TZU, OKA, Gang of Brothers & more (Beaufort) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea)

Tuesday January 29 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 PETER LALOR: Trivia Tuesdays from 7.30pm with weekly cash jackpot (Ballarat)

Wednesday January 30 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night

AUSTRALIA DAY LONG WEEKEND PAARTY W/ SCNDL sunday january 27 at home house, geelong from 8.30pm till 10.30pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in) BEAV’S BAR: Open Mic night with Andy Forster ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 PETER LALOR HOTEL: Summer Beats Sessions featuring DJ DM4N. Drink promotions (Ballarat)

Thursday January 31

YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Bob Log 111 with The Fire Alive ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm - 10.30pm TORQUAY NIGHTJAR MARKET: Independent Artists Market from 4pm till 10pm every Thursday in January. Includes live performances from Not The Wolf, RDZJB, Aurora Jane, Farquarharson & Shaun Kirk plus Busker’s Pit, Art Installations and more. No BYO alcohol. Gold Coin Donation BEAV’S BAR: Bob Log 111 with Andy Forster MYNT LOUNGE: Mynt Thursdays presents Mike Metro (Werribee) BLACK HATT: Open Mic Night (free entry) BRIDGE HOTEL: McAlpine Fusiliers. TBC cost & support, doors from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Studio Sale showcasing Jill Shalless’ Collection (Anglesea) EUREKA HOTEL: Play, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J, MCK, Some Deckheads & more. Free before 11pm

Friday February 1 YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Revolution Fridays featuring live, original local bands and DJs from 9pm - Lamarama, Watson & Watson, City Wolves, DJ Indie Janglo GEELONG NIGHT MARKET: Live music from Farquarson, The Violent Ivy’s, Victoriana Gaye and more. All your favourite food stalls & art installations on display. Held at Johnstone Park from 5.30pm - 10pm ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday DAY 1 - NEW YEARS REVOLUTION: Courthouse Arts presents New Years Revolution featuring The Universal, Izzy Losi & The Auracles, Johnny El Pajaro, Daniel Champagne, Fat Gold Chain, Jamie Pye, Diamonds Emcee, Thom Davie, Tim Neal, Can’t Swim, Lachlan Bryce, Lunda Bull, The Louds, Altitude & much more. For more information and ticket enquiries please visit courthousearts.org.au

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LORNE HOTEL: Wah Wah Fridays Summer Series featuring Luke Montgomery (Lorne) THE MAX HOTEL: Flavour Fridays Jelly Wrestling with Dixie DQ, win $150 cash, hosted by Dixie DQ & DJ Paul Watson from 8pm till 1am, free entry plus Hey Charger performing live BARWON HEADS HOTEL: RDZJB with Famous Will, doors open 9pm BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: Friday Night entertainment in the Sports Bar from 8pm with Horizon THE BARWON CLUB: The Fire Alive with The Kinloch Troons & Man The Clouds.

Entry $6 on the door from 8.30pm KAROVA LOUNGE: Bob Log 111 (USA) supported

by BJ Morriszonkle. Tickets $12 from 8pm.

BRIDGE HOTEL: Aurora Jane. Doors open 8.30pm, tickets $10 (Castlemaine) BEAV’S BAR: Steve Pianto BLACK HATT: Blue Jam LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Trojan ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea) CITY QUARTER BAR: Live Music GROVEDALE HOTEL: Regular Boys

Saturday February 2 YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: CLUB OPENING with Melbourne’s finest DJs - Pop Saturdays with Ontime, Samuel James, Polyfonik & Ryan Riback DAY 2 - NEW YEARS REVOLUTION: Courthouse Arts presents New Years Revolution featuring The Universal, Izzy Losi & The Auracles, Johnny El Pajaro, Daniel Champagne, Fat Gold Chain, Jamie Pye, Diamonds Emcee, Thom Davie, Tim Neal, Can’t Swim, Lachlan Bryce, Lunda Bull, The Louds, Altitude & much more. For more information and ticket enquiries please visit courthousearts.org.au GREAT AUSTRALIAN BEER FESTIVAL: Live music featuring Bob Evans, over 100 craft beers and ciders, held at the Geelong Racecourse. Tickets and more info available through gabfgeelong.com.au WERRIBEE OPEN RANGE ZOO: Rhythm of Africa Summer Concert Series featuring Musiki Manjaro from 4.30pm onwards (Cost included in general admission) OCEAN GROVE HOTEL: RDZJB with Kyle Taylor, doors open 9pm THEATRE ROYAL: Justin Townes Earle (Nashville) with Robert Ellis (Houston) (Castlemaine) WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: Saturday Night entertainment in the Bistro from 6pm with Peter Perez GEELONG PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE: Raw Comedy Competition - presented by the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Tickets available for $25 through GPAC (5225 1200) or by visiting www.gpac.org.au THE BARWON CLUB: Glitter Gang EDGE GEELONG: Live music & entertainment THE LOFT: Aurora Jane. Doors open 9pm, tickets $5 (Warrnambool) MYNT LOUNGE: Boombox Saturday presents James Fava (Werribee) CUDA BAR: Adam Hives from 7.30pm with Saturday night DJ sesh from 10pm BEAV’S BAR: Ross O’Connell ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Fig Jam HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Tigerlily, Jane Duffy plus DJ Kay Z downstairs THE MAX HOTEL: Adventure Playground BRIDGE HOTEL: Ghost Notes supported

by Winternationale. Cost TBC, doors from 8.30pm. (Castlemaine) TORQUAY HOTEL: Jay Hoad. Tickets available through the venue or oztix.com.au (Torquay) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea) EUREKA HOTEL: Slice n Dice, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J, MCK, Some Deckheads & more. Free before 11pm TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Toast Saturdays with Reece Low, Dom Dolla, Micky Flo, Digga Please & Ned Lucas CITY QUARTER BAR: Live music LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm GROVEDALE HOTEL: Summer Sessions with Jax & Jais

Sunday February 3 THE BARKING DOG: The Barking Dog & Love That Music present Knock Knock featuring Danny T, doors open from 4.30pm $10 entry SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan HYGEIA SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE: Boarding Bay end of Yarra Street at 2pm travelling to Portarlington & beyond, returning at 5pm. Live entertainment on board featuring Dog Gone South. Tickets are $50 including band & fingerfood, drinks available at bar prices. Booking advised, call: 5254 1111 DAY 3 - NEW YEARS REVOLUTION: Courthouse Arts presents New Years Revolution featuring The Universal, Izzy Losi & The Auracles, Johnny El Pajaro, Daniel Champagne, Fat Gold Chain, Jamie Pye, Diamonds Emcee, Thom Davie, Tim Neal, Can’t Swim, Lachlan Bryce, Lunda Bull, The Louds, Altitude & much more. For more information and ticket enquiries please visit courthousearts.org.au WERRIBEE OPEN RANGE ZOO: Rhythm of Africa Summer Concert Series featuring Akoma Beat from 4.30pm onwards (Cost included in general admission) THE BARWON CLUB: Luke Legs ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Dess Camm Band TORQUAY HOTEL: Carter Rollins. Tickets available through the venue or oztix.com.au (Torquay) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea) BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Nightclub with Reece Low & Dollarz & Dymez from 3am

Monday February 4

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11 ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea)

Tuesday February 5 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free) ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea) GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 PETER LALOR: Trivia Tuesdays from 7.30pm with weekly cash jackpot (Ballarat)

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Victoriana Gaye FRIDAY JANUARY 25 at geelong night market, johnstone park geelong

VENUEGUIDE!

THE EUREKA

THE BARKING DOG

THE gateway HOTEL

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98 Little Malop St. Geelong

126 Pakington St. Geelong West

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

BARWON CLUB

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

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BARWON HEADS HOTEL

236-258 Surfcoast Highway

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GROWLERS

1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

23 The Esplanade.

Torquay

THE BASEMENT 159

HOME HOUSE

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159 Moorabool St. Geelong

40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong

BEAVS BAR

IRISH MURPHY'S

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77 Little Malop St. Geelong

30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

THE BENDED ELBOW BALLARAT

JACK AND JILL

120 Lydiard St (North). Ballarat

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THE BENDED ELBOW GEELONG

247 Moorabool St. Geelong

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LAMBYS

Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

69 Yarra St. Geelong

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black hatt

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

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THE MAX

54 Little Myers St. Geelong

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THE BLUESTONE

11 Malop St. Geelong

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MR. HYDE

103 Marr St. Ballarat

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Bridge hotel castlemaine

191 Moorabool St. Geelong

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THE NATIONAL HOTEL

21 Walker St. Castlemain

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CITY QUARTER

Cunningham Pier, Geelong

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mount Duneed

CLOUD 9

OPIUM BAR

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odyssey

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96 Pakington St. Geelong West

15 James St. Geelong

Club TITANIUM

331 Mair St. Ballarat

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Peter Lalor Hotel

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

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eastern station

5 James St. Geelong

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RUMORS

81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

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THE EDGE

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SLATE Pool Lounge

50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

THE SPHINX

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE

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158 McKillop St. Geelong

2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

TOAST

114 Moorabool St. Geelong

Wednesday February 6 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in) PUBLIC INN: Storytelling for Grown Ups - Castlemaine community gathers to listen to tales of the unknown and unbelievable. Tickets $39 pp includes nibbles and aperitif on arrival and 2 savoury course from 6.30pm call to book: 03 5472 3568 (Castlemaine) THE BARWON CLUB: Thee Oh Sees with The Murlocs & The Infants. Entry $25+BF presale, or $28 on the door KAROVA LOUNGE: Oh Sleeper supported

by For All Eternity & Storm The Sky. Tickets $25 + BF, doors open 8.30pm BEAV’S BAR: Open Mic night with Andy Forster ART @ WINTERGARDEN: Wayne Miller exhibition (Anglesea) GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 PETER LALOR HOTEL: Summer Beats Sessions featuring DJ DM4N. Drink promotions (Ballarat)

CYPRESS HILL

By Natalie Rogers

perfectionists, or we try to be anyway. No one in this world is perfect, but when it comes to our show we try to deliver it as perfectly as we can, with as few mistakes as possible,” Sen Dog continued. “We always make mistakes here and there, but hopefully the audience doesn’t notice and we keep on going, and sometimes a mistake will lead to a new idea, but we always try to concentrate and do our best. But once I’m up on stage everything comes really natural to me - I don’t need to think about what I need to do, it just comes out.”

Thankfully it’s not all hard work and Sen Dog is the first to admit that Cypress Hill can party just as hard as they work. “Immediately after a show, hopefully we have some good smoke and some nice cold beers, but when I’m on tour I never really come down till I come home, and that’s when I do my unwinding and hang out with my boys. I’ve got to keep my mind on the job and stay in that mentality when I’m out on tour.”

“Being able to tour keeps us going. We are a veteran hip hop band and it’s a thrill for us to keep going and continue our legacy. We want to see how far we can take our music and our band. By no means do we ever talk about ever stopping. We are all proud to be part of Cypress Hill and we all love what we do and it’s still really fun, you know? We get to travel to so many different countries - we love to perform around the world and enjoy what the country offers, like in Australia. Throughout our career we have been there nine or ten times I think and I always enjoy Sydney and Melbourne - those are my favourite spots right there.”

Sen Dog is as much a fan of Australia as we are of him, so he was eager to share their plans for fans when they arrive next month. “One of my favourites to perform is ‘Rock Superstar’, because of the energy of it, but recently we released our Ep with Rusko [Cypress X Rusko 2012] - Rusko is an English dubstep producer and DJ. I think dubstep is a natural progression from hip-hop,” said Sen Dog. “Especially the way that we formulated it with Rusko, there’s definitely some roughness to it,” Sen Dog explained. “There are a couple of songs on that Ep that I look forward to performing at our Australian shows when the time comes around.

One of them is ‘When the shots go Off’ - that’s a really different song and it will give us a chance to amp up the energy onstage.”

One of the principal drawcards on this year’s superstar Soundwave line up is the legendary hip hop outfit Cypress Hill. Since exploding onto the scene and propelling themselves head first into platinum album territory with their 1991 self-titled debut, Cypress Hill - B-Real, DJ Muggs, Eric Bobo and Sen Dog - have been among hip-hop’s most consistently successful, imitated and censored acts. I spoke to Senen Reyes, a.k.a Sen Dog, and from what he tells me, Cypress Hill are just as excited to be playing Soundwave as the punters are to see them.

“I’m excited because I know I’m going to have fun and I can’t wait to get out there and represent with my band, and for the world to see we are still a bunch of bad asses,” Sen Dog laughed.

Talking to Sen Dog via a conference call, as he sat chilling at his home in South L.A, he

seemed polite and in good spirits. I found I had to continually remind myself I was talking to the man responsible for such lyrics as ‘Who you tryin’ to get crazy with ese? Don’t you know I’m loco?’ and song titles like ‘Southend Killers’ and ‘Shoot em Up’. So I had to ask where his

song writing ideas come from: “Halfway through my senior year is when I first put pen to paper and began writing. I can still remember the first time I heard myself on radio and it’s was one of those moments where your hair stands up on your arm, and that’s one thing I will never forget.

Something in me told me I wanted to be a rapper, so I just started - I didn’t have any inclination to be in music up until that point,” Sen Dog divulged. “I wasn’t a good student in school, I didn’t enjoy it, but I was always creative and I was more into sports at that point, because I do have an appreciation for being competitive.”

That competiveness may be a factor in their drive to continually work on perfecting their sound and live shows. “When it comes down to our stage performance we definitely are

“We have been getting excited to play Soundwave for months now! When you are performing for fifteen to twenty thousand people and you aren’t pumped, there is something wrong with you,” Sen Dog joked. “We are planning a bunch of stuff – it’s going to be a pretty good time. We always have our shows organised ahead of time, so I can tell you we’re going to play a lot of really good hip hop and we have rehearsed heaps of new material as well as older stuff - you can expect to hear something off every album.

I’m a big fan of Slayer so I am looking forward to seeing them on the tour a couple of times at least.”

Any last words? “On behalf of Cypress Hill I would like to say thank you to the whole country of Australia for their support over these last twenty-one to twenty-two years. It has been a blast and it’s something we could never have imagined, and we love you for that and will continue to return to Australia and bring you Cypress Hill live on stage.”

When&Where: Friday March 2 AT Soundwave Festival, Melbourne Showgrounds.

Live Music Thursday, Friday & all day Sunday Edge Geelong

@EdgeBarGeelong

Ph: (03) 5222 2666 | edgegeelong.com.au | enquiries@edgegeelong.com.au | 6–8 Eastern Beach Rd, Geelong, Victoria, 3220 FORTEMAG.COM.AU

15

Saturday 2 February 2013 - Geelong Racecourse

BOB EVANS

Bob Evans is adept at adapting to his environment. While beer drinking usually plays a pretty minor part in his life, he figures that while he’s at The Great Australian Beer Festival in Geelong – which he is headlining – he may as well move one step closer to connoisseurship.

“I do like beer but I don’t drink it very often,” he explains, “so I think I’m going to take the opportunity whilst I’m there, ‘cause I’d be mad not to, to just try lots of really different types of beers that I’ve never tasted before, that’s my plan.

And maybe investigate the beer/ food connection…a more Belgian-style floral beer might go well with seafood. That’s just a stab in the dark, so I’m going to test that out.”

Expanding his knowledge of beer is not the only kind of opportunity the festival will offer Evans. It will also give him a chance to perform some fresh songs from his new album for the first time. And given that his ability to provide himself with constructive criticism has sharpened significantly as the years have rolled by, hearing the 36-year-old’s most recent 16

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material seems to be something worth getting excited about.

“When you’re younger you just don’t have any kind of filter so every tiny little thing that you write is a song and you think it’s great because you’ve just started doing it. But as you get older it’s much harder for a song to develop and become something that you’re really happy with… you should become more discerning, you should have high standards of yourself.”

Evans has had more than 18 years to upgrade his standards, a period of time toward the end of which he began alternating between fronting Jebediah and singing solo under the Bob Evans moniker. And while accomplishment at the level attained by Jebediah brings many rewards, one potential pitfall for a member of such a well-known band who wants to begin a new project is that it can be hard to resist being typecast.

But Evans, who was alert to the potential for this aspect of fame to limit his solo venture, was prudent in how he played it. At the outset of his new journey, he was uninterested in simply performing acoustic renditions of Jebediah songs.

But, fearing that that is what people would expect if he used his actual name (Kevin Mitchell), Evans decided to professionally extricate himself from the Jebediah brand by giving himself a new moniker and surreptitiously slinking into the darkness of anonymity.

“I came up with the Bob Evans name so that I could pretty much perform incognito in Perth, which I did for many many years. I played to empty rooms and bar staff and my housemates for years before I started to make records and it kind of turned into something a bit more real,” Evans discloses.

“A bit more real” is quite a humble description of a solo stretch that has seen two Bob Evans albums reach number 15 and 22 respectively on the ARIA Albums Chart. But the statement signifies an attitude that’s consistent with his everincreasing personal maturation and artistic refinement. And this kind of approach to professional musicianship suggests that both Bob Evans and Jebediah will be names to keep an eye on for a long time yet.

Andrew Pretorius

BEST BEER Vote for your favourite beer today!

YOUR

VOTE COUNTS

Festival goers are encouraged to vote for their favourite brew at the Great Australian Beer Festival.

To vote, visit the GABF Facebook site and either use our poll or leave a comment with your winning choice of beer and its brewer.

HOW TO TASTE BEER! Here are some basic steps for experiencing a craft beer.

Bitter Sour Salty

Tongue

Peoples’ Choice Award

Sweet

1. Look at it.

Hold the glass in front of you and pay attention to its consistency, colour and the head on the beer.

2. Swirl it.

Gently swirl your glass allowing the smells trapped in the beer to escape.

Swirling also helps you to see the colour and head retention.

3. Smell it.

80% of taste is delivered from smell.

Don’t believe? Hold your nose and taste something, then taste it again with your nose unplugged. You will notice a huge difference.

4. Taste it!

The winning brewery gets an awesome trophy and bragging rights to the “People’s Choice” at the inaugural 2013 GABF.

Take a small sip of the beer. Swish the beer around in your mouth so all your tastebuds get their turn with it. Note the consistency of the beer in your mouth (called mouthfeel). With beer still in your mouth, breathe out through your nose.

This action, called retro-olfaction, will be similar to your initial smell of the beer, but should be slightly different due to the temperature difference of the beer. At this point, notice the different tastes of the beer, including sweetness, bitterness, and acidity.

An award for the Best Homebrew will also be presented on stage.

GABF encourages you to savour thoughtfully and enjoy responsibly

You may also Tweet your choice to @GABFGeelong with the hashtag #GABFPC Voting closes at 4:45pm with the winner announced on stage at 5:00pm

MAP

E3

E2 Rimfire St

and

ATM

Baby Change Room Barwon Water Drink Fountain Brewers Brewers (local) Bus / Taxi Disabled Toilet E

Emergency Exits and Assembly Areas 1 - Public Carpark 2 - Mounting Yard and Racetrack 3 - Corporate Mound and Racetrack 4 - Brewer Carpark

E1

Kids Zone

First Aid Room Food Vendors Information Kids Zone

E4

Ladies Toilet Mens Toilet Refreshments Bar Security Base and Green Room Shade / Cover Supervised Chill Out Area TOKENS

Token Sales

* No Smoking on grassed AREAS

Great Australian Beer Festival 2013 Schedule 11:00am

Gates Open

11:15am - 12:15pm Adam HYNes / main stage 11:30am - 12:00pm Meet The Local Brewers / seminar i 12:30pm - 12:50pm Heath Shurtcliffe - Calalier Courage / seminar ii

Adam Hynes

Izzy Losi

The Vaudeville Smash

The Firetree

12:45pm - 1:45pm

IZZY LOSI / main stage

1:15pm - 1:45pm

Beer Diva - Beer and Cheese Tasting / seminar iii

2:15pm - 3:15pm

The Firetree / main stage

2:15pm - 2:45pm

Beer Diva - Beer and Ice Cream / seminar iv

3:15pm - 3:45pm

WRG Wallington - Homebrewing, Getting Started / seminar v

3:45pm - 4:45pm

Bob Evans / main stage

5:00pm

People’s Choice Award - Hosted by Beer Diva / main stage

5:15pm - 6:15pm

THE Vaudeville Smash / main stage

6:00pm

Token Tent Close

6:15pm

Stop Serving Alcohol

7:00pm

Gates Close

*Entertainment Highlighted FORTEMAG.COM.AU

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Sick Of It All

By Natalie Rogers

Hardcore punk’s band of brothers Sick of it All, are another gem in the crown of this year’s Soundwave Festival line-up. I spoke to Lou Koller, one of the two founding members of the band. Formed in Queens, New York in 1986 the band consists of Lou on vocals, his brother Pete on lead guitar, Rich Cipriano on bass and Armand Majidi on drums.

Although their inception occurred after punk-rock first burst on the scene in the mid 1970’s, Sick of It All have continued to be a mainstay of the New York hardcore circuit. After paying their dues playing every little divebar that would book them, the band earned the prestige to play alongside many of their early heroes in Sunday afternoon matinees at CBGB’s, where they were an instant sensation.

“I grew up listening to bands like Black Sabbath and all these big metal bands, where they played in huge stadiums - they were miles away. I’d walk into CBGB’s and I’m there to see Agnostic Front and I’m by the bar and the drummer is talking to me, then he goes up on stage and plays a killer set and I was like, this is it, this is where I want to be,” Lou reminisced. “It was amazing and at the time we knew it was special.

We thought it was just that way for me and my friends, but it was a world-wide thing, you know? I remember when people started coming from Brazil and all over Europe to film CBGB’s or to interview us and it was incredible.”

Since the release of their first 7” Ep in 1987, Sick of It All have released nine full length studio albums and

Jake Shimabukuro

By Ophelia Symons

Search Ukulele in Google and on the first page of millions you’ll find Jake Shimabukuro’s Ukulele cover of George Harrison’s ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps’, the YouTube video that went viral around seven years ago and allowed Hawaiian Ukulele virtuoso Jake to take his passion for playing to stages around the world, including performances for Queen Elizabeth in England and duets with American songstress (and one of Jake’s favourite singers), Bette Midler. Jake Shimabukuro will be making his way to our shores in March/April for the third time to play Bluesfest 2013 as well as a collection of solo shows around the country. I spoke with Jake from his home in Hawaii about his upcoming shows down under, and the perks of being one of the greatest Ukulele players of our time.

Bluesfest 2013 will not be the first time Jake will play for an Aussie audience, but that doesn’t mean he is any less excited to get back down under. “I’m very excited, I was there in 2008 and I just had such a great time,” says Jake. “The people there are so nice and so friendly and so welcoming, I’m very honoured to be returning and playing some new songs for this tour. There’s this laid back vibe about people in Australia and it’s very similar to the vibe here in Hawaii in some ways, so I really feel at home.”

Pat Capocci

By Natalie Rogers

Gaining momentum as one of the most vibrant and engaging acts on the Australian Rockabilly scene, Pat Capocci is renowned for his incredible musical ability and addictive stage presence.

Music has always been a big part of Pat’s life thanks in part to his dad’s extensive record collection. “I grew up listening to a lot of different music; I really liked punk rock and English 70’s bands -The Clash is still probably my favourite band,” Pat explains.

In high school Pat became a member of MaitlandHunter’s Johnny Greens Blues Cowboys as well as the Torpedoes, and began performing at local pubs and hotels. “In school when I was first getting into it, some people would kind of look at me a little funny,” Pat laughed. “I don’t think they understood where I was coming from, but now things are becoming a lot more accepting and more open to new things I think.”

Although Pat readily admits to having no formal training - ”I have never had any voice training, but I have been taught a few things on guitar - Pat’s natural talent was obvious and less than a year later, Pat was asked to play the role of Ritchie Valens in the latest Buddy Holly musical. “That was an amazing experience, going from earning my keep playing in pubs to being part of a huge production and realising how big this type [50’s rock ‘n’ roll] of music is.”

So with his new found confidence Pat decided to venture out and form his own bands, one being the now defunct 80’s new wave band, Monster A Go-Go - ”That band was a lot of fun - just have a few beers and dancing - just a party band you know?” - along

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When&Where: Friday March 1 - Soundwave Festival, Flemington Racecourse, Melbourne toured the world, continually proving that their love of their music and the band they have created has never waned. “We know this is what we want to do and we definitely want to keep the band together - we are kind of stuck with each other,” Lou laughed.

The latest album is another epic addition to their already impressive back catalogue. Based on a True Story is undeniable proof that Sick of It All are still on top of their game and very relevant within the hardcore scene in terms of quality and sheer impact.

Pioneers in more ways than one, parents all around As Bluesfest is not his first trip to Australia, I was curious about how Jake had spent his time last time he was in the country, and also what he has in store for us this time round - “The first time I was there I was touring with a great guitar player named Tommy Emmanuel and we toured all over, we toured through seven cities of Australia, we even went all the way down to Perth and played out there, so that was really great. The second time I came was when I did a series of solo shows and that’s where I appeared at the Bluesfest last and this year I’ll be playing solo again but definitely I think it will be nice because I have a little bit more time to spend there. The last time it was just like 5 days but this time I’ll be there for at least 10 days so I’m excited because I’ll get to see a lot more of the continent.”

Jake has eleven full-length albums to his name, which would sure make it a struggle to pick out just a handful of songs for a festival set list.

Jake’s most recent sensation Grand Ukulele was released late last year and produced by the legendary Alan Parsons and as Jake tells me, it’s likely that his Australian audiences will get to hear most of his new tracks with the response being great so far. “I’ve just released a record with Alan Parsons and It’s an album called Grand Ukulele, I’ve been playing a lot of tunes from the new album and there’s some original pieces and I think there are four cover tunes. It’s early in the Grand Ukulele tour so it’s kind of nice to see how people respond to the songs. So far it’s been good, I’ve been getting a lot of positive feedback from people and that’s always nice and very encouraging to have that support,” says Jake.

After eleven albums and travelling the world for over 10 years with his trusty Ukulele, I think it’s safe to say that Jake has certainly made a name

with the now famous - Pat Capocci Combo.

Pat and his partners in crime who make up the Pat Capocci Combo will be playing at the inaugural Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival next month and from what I can tell Pat is ready for a rocking good time. “We’re going to get a chance to see all of our favourite bands and catch up with all the fellas and just have a good time,” says Pat with a cheeky laugh.

“The rockabilly we do in the combo has a lot of western swing, rhythm & blues and hillbilly stuff, but I think for this tour we may rock out with a little of Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers just to mix it up!”

With international acts and acts from all over the country set to take over the town of Ballarat next month, the Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival will be a celebration of music, fashion, art and all things 50’s. Classic cars and hot rods will line the streets, while pop-up stalls will be in abundance, catering to a vintage collector’s every whim. Be sure to catch the Pat Capocci Combo in between all that 50’s madness.

When&Where: Feb 15, 16 & 17 - Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival, Ballarat

the world can thank Sick of It All for creating and instigating the now infamous hardcore tradition known as ‘the wall of death’, where Lou and the guys encourage the audience to run at each other, resulting in an all-out brawl. “It’s weird - I see so many other bands doing it now, but it’s cool it’s nice when we get credit for it,” Lou joked. “It was just for himself. I asked Jake when it was that he realised he could make a career out of touring the world with his Ukulele. “It was after that YouTube video of me playing ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps’ to be honest, because before that video I really loved music but I didn’t think it would be possible to have a touring career, especially being a Ukulele player because I don’t sing and I don’t dance,” laughs Jake, “so I really didn’t think there was a future for me playing the Ukulele but after that YouTube video, things really took off and I’m just enjoying it and I’m really appreciative of all the opportunities coming my way and I’m just trying to make the most of it,” Jake finishes.

Catch Jake making the most of it at Bluesfest or at one of his sideshows around Australia.

When&Where: 28 March – 1 April at Bluesfest, Byron Bay & April at The Corner Hotel, Melbourne

something we used to do as kids at shows and when we started touring I realised no one else was doing it - so we have to do it at Soundwave. After all, we were the ones who started it! And we can’t wait to be back in Australia.”

“Last time we were here we finally got to visit Bon Scott’s grave over in Western Australia, which was cool. We were like, come on; every respectable band wants to see Bon Scott’s grave! We’ve been to Australia a lot - the shows are awesome, the crowds are so much fun, the people are so friendly and we always have such a good time,” says Lou. So come join in the Soundwave fun! But if you missed out on tickets to this year’s sold out festival, be sure to catch the madness at one of their sidewaves.

Supported by Madball and Vision Of Disorder there is sure to be no shortage of chaos!

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Talk of the Town: We put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Beer, Beer, Beer The Great Australian Beer Festival has poured a cold fresh one especially for you. You’re not going to knock it back, are you? Great by name, greater by nature, the festival is a beer and cider lover’s paradise. Are you looking for a new brew to stock the fridge with? Chances are you will find it here.

Over 100 craft beers from 25 of the most interesting brewers from Victoria and interstate will turn the Geelong Racecourse into the biggest beer garden you’re ever likely to come across all in the name of glorious beer. Local brewers include Prickly Moses, Bellarine Brewing Company, Southern Bay, Flying Brick Cider, Forrest and Little Creatures. For those that prefer a tipple, there will be a handful of wineries for you. It doesn’t stop there though. The festival will serve up quality food vendors including beerfriendly foods. ‘First Lady of Beer’ Kirrily Waldhorn will give you some pointers on how to match beer and food together. Bob Evans, yep, he’ll be there too providing great music as well Vaudeville Smash, The Firetree and Ashleigh Mannix. Free bus transport will be provided throughout the day. Geelong Racecourse – February 2. Hit gabfgeelong.com.au if you have any questions.

writing styles and techniques complement each other perfectly. Born out of a self-proclaimed underperforming garage band, Love Like Hate was officially formed in 2009. The Brisbane natives began performing in 2011 both as a band (with a rotating supply of drummers) and an acoustic duo.

Gold Coast singer-songwriter Sonia Serin was one such muso who spent time behind the kit. These days resident session drummer Stephen C Birt joins the ladies on stage. Last year Love Like Hate released their debut EP, the five-track Rabbit Hole.

The Palais, Hepburn Springs - February 17. .........................................................................

Slice N Dice N All Things Nice Who are the masked music avengers that comprise electro house heroes Slice N Dice? Well, that would take the mystery out of things. And chicks dig mystery. What I can tell you is that Slice N Dice came together in late 2011. They started spinning their magic in Melbourne and their performances quickly picked up speed, landing them interstate as well as a ten-date US and Mexico tour. Much can be indebted to their breakthrough track, ‘Robots Like to Have Sex’. DJs including Chuckie, Global Deejays, Lazy Rich and Bombs Away all fell in love with the track and regularly gave it a spin. The single also saw them come in at #41 in the ITM Top 50 National DJ Awards in Australia. Going from strength to strength, the magic of the mask is working well.

Eureka Hotel, Geelong – February 2.

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Shine on, Tony Joe White

Destroy She Said Gets Dirty Play fast die young could well be the motto for Melbourne’s Destroy She Said. We certainly don’t wish them a premature departing from this world but the band certainly plays their music in the realm of fast living. The hard rockers capped off an impressive year by coming it at #8 on 100Percentrock Magazine’s Top 25 Releases of the Year for their appropriately titled slab of balls-to-the-wall rock, Down to Dirty.

For his review Shane Pinnegar wrote: “What puts Down To Dirty ahead of the pack though is the sheer originality of the band… A unique blend of different influences and tastes, a unique sound made by five guys melding into something greater than the sum of their parts.” For the release – the band’s debut full length effort – the lads had the cameras rolling, giving a candid doco of an album and a band in the making. The Barwon Club, Geelong – February 21. ......................................................................... .........................................................................

She Can DJ Remixed Tour We gave you a head’s up about the She Can DJ Remixed tour in last issue’s City Lights section but the beefy tour also has a date locked and loaded for Geelong’s Home House on February 16. What’s the tour all about? Good question. Famous has teamed up with EMI, She Can DJ and DFO to present what is sure to be the biggest DJ tour of the summer.

Basically what you will be getting is a red-hot serving of female DJs from the Top 10 Finalists of 2011 and 2012. Inaugural She Can DJ winner Minx (real name Rachael Phillips) will be joined by fellow winner Leah Mencel, NatNoiz (Syd), Cassette (Syd), DJ Femme (Ade), Amber Savage (Syd), Dusk (Ade), Girl Audio (Melb), Hannah Parker (Bris) and Juliet Fox (Melb).

Competitions and DFO giveaways will also feature. .........................................................................

Nothing but Love for Love Like Hate In the hands of others the combination of postpunk electric guitar with free form piano melodies may not work but in the hands of Heather Cheketri (vocals, guitar) and Sonja Ter (piano), the differing

ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Tales of La Bastard From playing on tabletops and bars to having crowds storm the stage, Melbourne’s surf/rockabilly/60s wild folk La Bastard have earned a suitable reputation as being one of Melbourne’s wildest live bands.

If you slip a ten buck note in their undies then lord knows what you are going to get. Their new album is Tales From the Beyond and it possess all the badboy sounds you have come to love plus a little bit more. Recorded with Paul Maybury (Rocket Science) at Secret Location studios, the album features forlorn doo-wop (‘Beaten Down’), surf guitar licks (‘Timorese Ninja’) and swamp blues (.Stranger in the Night.). The album has earned the band a lot of loving words and points to an outfit that is upping the ante while losing none of its style. The Bridge, Castlemaine - March 1 & The Karova, Ballarat March 2.

Louisiana-born songman Tony Joe White has been playing music for the better part of his life and for a time much longer than most readers would have been born. One of seven children, Tony’s first foray into music came through his older brother, Charlie.

Charlie, the eldest of the White children, brought home a Lightnin’ Hopkins album and started to teach his younger brother blues guitar. White signed a deal with Monument Records in 1967 and released four singles including ‘Polk Salad Annie’ which would become his biggest hit. Elvis Presley and Tom Jones would record the song. He has released a boot-full of albums since 1968 including 2010’s The Shine.

Last year he released the three-disc compilation Collected. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine - March 9. .........................................................................

Castlemaine State Festival 2013 The Castlemaine State Festival is coming up in March and with a jam-packed ten-day program, there is guaranteed to be something for everyone. Music?

Of course they have music. Cornucopia!, The Black Diamonds, Caroline Nin, The Necks, Tuba Skinny, London Klezmer Quartet and 37 Degrees South are a small taste of the music on offer. Theatre? You betcha. And When he Falls, The Man Who Planted Trees and Puppetry Slam Noir: How I Wish the Wish I Wish are just a few. There will also be literature, dance and visual arts as well as special things for youth and children. Free stuff, workshops… it just goes on and on and on. Some 50,000 people are expected to flock to Castlemaine for the festival which was born many moons ago in 1976. March 1524. For further information hit castlemainefestival. com.au. .........................................................................

Jim Hocking’s Blues Machine Bluesman Jimi Hocking probably feels more at home on stage than anywhere else. Jimi’s old man Kevin Hocking, a well-known pianist and composer, realised at a young age that Jimi had a leaning more towards the guitar than the piano. Giving his son a primitive guitar for Christmas set the wheels in motion for young Jimi who continues to own the stage whenever he sets foot upon one. He now has a career spanning over 25 years. Highlights are plentiful. He has toured with Joe Satriani, Edgar Winter and George Thorogood among others and was once told by B.B. King: “I’ve been watching you ... and you’re good!” Now they’re words worth bragging about. Jimi will play two sets at The Loft, Warrnambool on February 23: The first in solo mode the second with backing band, Blues Machine.

Nothing’s Changed for Justin Townes Earle Since his first visit here in 2008, Nashville’s Justin Townes Earle has stepped foot on our shores a generous handful of times. He loves it here. And we love him. It is a happy and harmonious music relationship that just works. The songman was out this way last year as part of Bluesfest and a national run of shows that shed the light on his fourth release Nothing’s Gonna Change the Way You Feel About Me Now. So, what has he been up to since? For starters he tried his hand at the role of producer, taking on Wanda Jackson’s Unfinished Business.

What else? Ask him at one of his upcoming shows - artists love it when you shout things out at them from the crowd. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine - February 2. With Houston’s Robert Ellis.

Pete Murray in no Hurry Last year laidback singer-songwriter Pete Murray announced that the first part of 2013 would be marked by a tour. He is taking his time this time around, however, with a massive 40+ dates lined up. With such a hefty tour you should easily be able to book in a date - or two depending on how much love you have for the guy. The tour supports his new album Blue Sky Blue which hits shelves February 1. The newie features a handful of special guests.

Track ‘Hurricane’ features fellow laidback songman Ash Grunwald and Scott Owen, ‘Let You Go’ features Busby Marou, ‘Led’ features Bernard Fanning and ‘Hold it all For Love’ features Katie Noonan. The album was recorded as part of The Byron Sessions. The Wool Exchange - February 16; Theatre Royal, Castlemaine - March 8; Regent Multiplex, Ballarat - March 14. Note: Pete also plays Echuca’s Riverboats Festival on February 17.

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Aireys Inlet Open Mic Festival It doesn’t seem all that long ago when Aireys Inlet Open Mic Festival joined the festival world but before you know it the festival is gearing up for its sixth birthday. Some 5,000 people flocked to the festival in 2012 which gives you an idea of the quality on offer. This year music lovers can expect over 175 acts of all types playing across three days on nine stages. At the time of writing the artist line-up was unavailable but you can rest assured that there is going to be a little something of everything. One of the major highlights of the festival is the Special Mystery Guest who in years past has included Colin Hay, Dan Sultan and Tim Rogers. Who is lined up in 2013? I don’t know. It’s a mystery. But the clue is “An enigmatic icon of the Australian music industry.”

Hit up aireysinlet.com.au for updates. Aireys Inlet March 15 through 17. .........................................................................

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Aurora Jane bring back the Funk Road warriors of Aussie funk, Aurora Jane are back in town after spending the majority of 2012 abroad captivating their international fans with their on-stage antics. Aurora, along with long-time bassist Tim Bennett and recently acquired drummer Marley Berry-Pearce have creative mojo to burn and are determined to get what is to be Aurora’s fourth studio album laid out in 2013. Throwing a tour into the mix, the trio will also be playing shows around the country this season on the Lazy Monday Summer Tour. With gigs booked in at the Torquay Nightjar Market, The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine, The Loft in Warni and Karova in Ballarat, you must catch them at least once this summer. Check out the Fortnightly Calendar for more details!

Treat Yourself to a Backyard BBQ

Knockin’ on Ash Grunwald’s Door

Pilkinton Productions are thrilled to present Backyard BBQ, a series of Friday night events taking place at Alfred Deakin Place, Ballarat. Taking place between 5pm and 8pm the dates to keep in mind are: February 8 & 22 and March 1 & 15. Let me introduce you to a couple of the performing artists. Kristen Rule, aka The Unconventional Cellist, will be there on February 8. Born in Stockholm, Kristen and her family moved to Australia shortly after her birth. She began playing cello at the age of twelve and uses a laptop, software and midi pedals to build compositions.

Kavisha Mazzella will be there on February 22. The ARIA Award-winning singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist is simultaneously powerful, haunting and captivating. Some may say she is world music.

She wouldn’t be one of them; to her it’s just music.

Kavisha will be joined by The Kite Machine. Take a squiz at facebook.com/PilkintonProductions for updates.

Songman Ash Grunwald has hit the ground running in 2013. He is already well into his tour showing off new album Trouble’s Door but then again when the good times are rolling, you may as well enjoy them.

Grunwald, who these days calls Byron Bay home, is in a great place at the moment and his contentment is noticeable on his new album - his sixth in ten years.

The album has landed the surf-loving bluesman some fine reviews with Blues Rock Review being particularly glowing. They wrote “Trouble’s Door is such a tight and well-executed record that it’s tough to pick a favorite track. That’s usually a good sign, and it certainly is in this case. It’s so refreshing to see an artist do new things while still staying true to blues roots.” The Wool Exchange, Geelong - February 9.

.........................................................................

Lamarama Bring Good Karma 1989 and The Grammy Awards first welcome a category for Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance.

The nominees include Metallica, AC/DC, Iggy Pop, Jane’s Addiction and Jethro Tull. Who won? Jethro Tull. The biggest winner? The flute. 1992 and Guns N’ Roses release the monster power ballad, ‘November Rain’. The real winner? The flute. Today Melbourne’s Lamarama deliver a “psychedelic groove rock folktronic eargasm … with flute.” The real winner? Yep, you guessed it. With previous and current members of bands including Wilderbeast, Dizzy Grass, The Rain Party and The Woohoo Revue, Lamarama set up shop at the beginning of 2012 with a potent cocktail of folk, drum ‘n’ bass, hip hop, funk and groove city. Their name rolls off the tongue sweetly as well. Bended Elbow, Geelong February 22. .........................................................................

The Right Way with Faspeedelay Melbourne three-piece Faspeedelay loves to play music. They just love to do it without words. And that’s okay because we love a good instrumental band. With influences including Wipers, Can, Dead Kennedys and Pink Floyd, the trio has become a regular force along the east coast of Australia. They have toured with names including the late Rowland S Howard & band, SixFtHick, Penny Ikinger Band and Spencer P Jones and at the beginning of the year welcomed the seven-track album, Ghost on the Waterfront. The album features the band’s debut video ‘Goat Dance’, directed by Jason Heller (Lost Animal, Love of Diagrams). The Bridge, Castlemaine - February 22. Faspeedelay will warm things up for psychedelic “High Priest of musical carnage”, the Paul Kidney Experience. .........................................................................

Bendigo Blues & Roots Fundraiser 2013 has started off with a bang in Bendigo with the recent mega Gigfest and now the Bendigo Blues & Roots Music Festival Showcase #1. Towards the end of the year the festival will enter its third year and major kudos must go to Festival Director Colin Thompson for his massive efforts. A little coin can go a long way and the showcases leading up to the festival will aim to raise funds to keep the festival alive and well. Of course you have some ripper music and lining up at Showcase #1 you have the always entertaining Josh Owen, Lost Heart Sirens, Trouble In Mind, ‘Cass’, Jimmy Williams, Pat Ward, Urban Creatures, Bones Blackwood, The Resonators, Steve Saxton, Jarrod Shaw, Ella Spizzica, Liam Thorpe, Talisa Jobe and Andy Garlick. How much is all this going to cost you? The gods must be crazy price of $10. Sweet. The Golden Vine - February 3.

12-midday start.

.........................................................................

Dirty Little RDZJB Do you know the sign of a cool band? They become known by an acronym of their name. Rage Against The Machine becomes RATM. The Red Hot Chili Peppers become RHCP. New Kids On The Block becomes ... okay, that one is a poor example. On a local front you have Reece Dillon & The Jelly Babies, better known as RDZJB. The ringleader of this “Folklektro” outfit is Reece Dillon, which you smarter readers would have guessed. Their journey began in early 2010 and it is a journey that has led to shows with artists including Lowrider, Red Ink and The Red Eyes, and appearances at the Anglesea Live Music Festival, Ocean Grove Music Festival and ACMI’s Tim Burton’s Live Nights Exhibition. Not too long ago they released their new single ‘Dirty Little Dancing Shoes’ (featuring E-Man). Nightjar Market, Torquay January 31; Barwon Heads Hotel - February 1; Ocean Grove Hotel - February 2. Note: E-Man sadly passed away in October 2012. All proceeds from the single are going to his family and Beyond Blue. .........................................................................

All Aboard the Blues Tram

Flix in the Stix Optus Flix in the Stix is thrilled to announce that Ballarat (Fairylands - March 9) and Bendigo (Big Hill Winery - March 10) will be part of the travelling short film festival’s dates. Curated by Nash Edgerton, Flix in the Stix presents an eclectic mix of award-winning short films from around the world. Blacktownborn Edgerton is a film director and stuntman. It was announced last year that Nash’s short film The Captain was accepted into the Sundance Film Festival - the only Australian short to be accepted.

Music wise you have The Whitlams playing for your aural pleasure. Hit flixinthestix.com.au for more. .........................................................................

Piping Hot Chicken Shop Quick bite: After a big 2012, The Piping Hot Chicken Shop has been having a bit of a music breather in recent times and that is fair enough. Even the best of us deserve to put our feet up from time to time.

But the amps will be humming and music lovers buzzing from February. According to the venue’s Facebook page, the first few months will welcome Pugsley Buzzard, The Hornets, Carus Thompson, Claude Hay, Roesy, Carino Son, The Junes, Lloyd Spiegel and The Scion Pirates. Good things come to those who wait. .........................................................................

Won’t You be My Grumpy Neighbour?

Quick bite: Throughout January at The Bridge, Castlemaine, Sundays have been Grumpy Neighbour days. Who is or are Grumpy Neighbour? Well, for one they ain’t that grumpy. They’re actually very affable.

Perhaps it has something to do with their beer-soaked tunes - beer swillin’ top tappers, beer-spilling foot stompers and beer-dilutin’ tearjerkers. Their latest album is Judas Ute and it has all the folk melodies and country harmonies to make the grumpiest of neighbours your new beer-drinkin’ buddy.

Sunshine on The Smith Street Band Would you tell me how to get, how to get to The Smith Street Band? It shouldn’t be too difficult to find this Melbourne outfit as the punk-indie upstarts have had a lot of nice things said about them of late. The lovefest began in 2011 with the release of their debut album, No One Gets Lost Anymore.

Beat Magazine got in on the action writing, “happily one of the best Aussie albums in recent memory.” The band worked then their butts off on the gig circuit, racking up supports with artists including Frank Turner and La Dispute along the way. Soon enough it came time for album number two. Sitting down with Sam Johnson at Melbourne’s Three Phase Studios, the band came up with Sunshine & Technology. And so the lovefest continues. The Karova, Ballarat – February 28.

Bendigo’s Blues Tram is back and it could think of no better day to return than Australia Day. Kicking off at 1.30pm on January 26, a lucky numbers of music-loving passengers will enjoy a leisurely roll through the Bendigo streets as they enjoy the sounds of Dave Diprose and Andrew Higgs. Delving deep into the roots of early Mississippi and Appalachia, Dave has been described as Robert Johnson-esque which is about as warm a piece of praise you could bestow on a bluesman. Andrew Higgs, meanwhile, did the band rounds for several years (he plays in the duo King of the North) before venturing into the solo world in 2005. He recently released an Ep that is doing very well. The tram will make a pit stop at the Joss House for dessert before returning home.

You can even enjoy a beer or wine (or soft drink for non-drinkers) on the ride. Hit bendigotourism.com for ticket information. .........................................................................

Graceful on their Clubfeet Quick bite: Melbourne via Cape Town synth-pop purveyors Clubfeet have a show lined up at Star Bar, Bendigo on February 8. The band is described as being ‘Blow-wave’ and whether or not you are into trendy titles doesn’t matter. Since the release of their debut album Gold on Gold in 2010 they have become a band that music lovers bow down to and music critics kiss the butts of. Their sophomore album is titled Heirs & Graces and it is winning the band more fans by the day. .........................................................................

Geelong Night Markets Quick bite: The fine tradition of Melbourne’s summer markets has found a life in Geelong. Located in Johnstone Park, the markets will run every Friday night until February 15. In what has to be close to a perfect way to spend a summer evening, the market will be littered with fantastic entertainment, artisan stalls and street food that will fill your belly. Kicking off at 5.30pm the market will cruise along until 10pm.

Take a look at qvm.com.au for further information.

Pako Festa 2013 It is almost that time of year when Geelong’s Pakington Street comes alive with Australia’s largest free celebration of cultural diversity, Pako Festa. The event has taken place every year since 1983 and attracts scores of people from all walks of life. In fact, some 100,000 roll up to enjoy a rich bounty of cultural food, folk dancing, workshops, art exhibitions, films, craft displays and the jewel in the crown, the famous Pako Parade. At the time of writing details were minimal but dancing artists performing at Pako Festa 2013 include Karen Traditional Don Dance, Lithuanian Dancers and Filipino Social Club Dancers. There is a stack more happening including appearances from some of your favourite Home & Away stars. Oh, the kids aren’t left out either. There is plenty for them as well. Working under the banner ‘Wonders of the World’, Pako Festa takes place on February 23. For a comprehensive rundown and updates hit pakofesta.com.au.

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The Universal

By Xavier Fennell

In true rock n’ roll fashion, it took at least two missed calls and some relaying between band manager and Forte editor before I was able to make contact with Evan of The Universal. With a style that one might associate with that of British Indie-Rockers, The Arctic Monkeys or those other guys that play Indie-rock…You know the ones. These guys have an energy and attitude in their music that’s likely to get at least one or two of your feet tapping along. Evan, vocalist and guitarist for The Universal called me back after seeing enough missed calls to place me in the same category as ‘needy exgirlfriend’. We chatted about the release of their Ep mid 2012, plans for the new year and why Evan likes Brisbane so much.

I’ll be honest, before this interview I’d never heard of The Universal. I asked Evan to give me bit of background on how they started and where they were from. “I think we started in something like early 2010. Cameron and Blair, the bassist and other guitarist and I started a band. We went through something like 10 drummers in two weeks as it turns out drummers can be really unreliable.

Eventually we found Isaac and the band started to get some sort of style and sound.”

This ‘style’ Evan spoke about certainly seemed to capture the attention of crowds and record companies alike - The Universal is signed to Geelong record label Spinning Half and were able to produce an Ep for release in 2012. I was interested to hear about the launch of the Ep and success in 2012 - “When we released ‘Sexual Intellectual’ we managed to get attached to the Jungle Giants Ep tour which was awesome because we got to play to packed out venues in Brisbane and stuff,” says Evan.

Evan’s mention of Brisbane allowed for the perfect change of topic from music tours to the music scene in cities like Geelong and Melbourne where the majority of the band is from. Evan gave me an insight into the scenes that he was excited to be a part of - “When we were touring we played in Queensland, N.S.W and Victoria. Brisbane was definitely the best though, the music scene there is just great and a lot of the bands I like are from Brisbane so I really enjoyed it. I don’t know what it is about Brisbane, people just seem really into going to see live music.” Seeing as most of the band is from Geelong, I asked Evan how he felt

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about the music scene in his hometown.

There has been a decent amount of discussion surrounding this topic recently and it’s interesting to get a performer’s opinion - “We’re half based in Melbourne and half in Geelong, but its kinda hard in Geelong these days, with some venues closing and that kinda thing. We play a lot of gigs in Geelong but Melbourne is really the place to be for bands. Geelong is great!

There just isn’t as much choice.”

At this time it seems that The Universal is a band ‘between jobs’. Having just finished touring with the Jungle Giants, Evan told me of their plans for the New Year and new music to come - “We haven’t got too many gigs coming up, really we’re just going to be writing music and getting ready to record, probably in the same way we did last time.

Blair and Isaac are both trained audio-

engineers from their university studies, so last time we just got all the gear we needed and recorded everything in two days. We recorded the tracks in one day, then did the vocals the next day and after that we went to my place and did the basic mixing,” Evan explains.

With access to audio-engineers who understand the creative direction of the band (obviously, because they are in the band) it seems these guys would have a more relaxed approach to recording music than most, Evan seemed to agree - “We’ve got a lot of freedom that we might not have in a pro studio. We can start early in the morning and keep going until early the next morning and it works for us, we don’t have anyone breathing down our neck. You always hear about people doing home recording in their kitchen or something like that, it seems to come out pretty good most of the time.”

Before we got sidetracked with our love for kitchens and kitchen related topics (such as bacon), I asked Evan what kinds of idea and themes tend to run through The Universal’s music, particularly their single ‘Sexual

Intellectual’. “‘Sexual Intellectual’ is the only song where the title has come first, a mate of ours coined the phrase one night and we decided to write a song from it. Normally our songs are just taken from experiences, we don’t really right about socialism or politics, but more relatable music. Not everyday stuff like going to the supermarket but just personal sort of stuff. People might think that sexual intellectual is kind of dumb but I kinda like that and it doesn’t really bother us, we’re not trying to take it too seriously or anything.”

Be on the lookout for new material from these guys and make sure you don’t miss them performing live at the upcoming New Years Revolution. With their energetic approach to their music style plus their personal input into the technical aspect of recording, 2013 looks extremely positive for The Universal.

When&Where: Feb 1, 2 & 3 - New Years Revolution - Courthouse Arts, Geelong

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Click ‘Get Offer’ on ‘Purplecow Store’ Facebook page for 25% off everything online!

Ok. So there’s what, maybe fifteen events for you to get through this festive season?

Atleast? And yes, I know we all agree. No one likes wearing the same outfit more than once, twice, three times if we are lucky, to a special occassion with the same group of companions. Whether it’s a festival, a night out, a gig, a birthday party or even christmas day with the fam, somehow the idea of out-fit repeating has become a bit of a universal no-go zone. At last, we can rest easy and look fabulous...and have a full wardrobe...and still have some pennies left to enjoy these celebrations we are frocking up for. All pats on the back to Purple Cow for this one. The team at Purple Cow are now stocking the best range of summer dresses in town (both casual and evening), an ever-growing yet increasingly spectacular collection of jewellery and accessories, your must-have distressed denim shorts and an endless array of tops to match. Guys can also choose from a huge range of tees, shorts and pants to help them survive the next few months of mayhem. So what more could we want from these guys? Well, we want it to be accessible 24/7, don’t we? The team at Purple Cow have heard the cries of us Digital Natives and it is now possible for us to purchase all stock online. If a) you can’t make it into the store, (holidaying internationally? still got you covered) or, b) the thought of being caught in last summer’s daggy clothes frightens you, no worries, order in hibernation and await their quick and stylish arrival. Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Purple Cow promo codes through their social media pages to nab yourself an even better deal this silly season. Visit purplecowclothing.com.au or search ‘Purplecow store’ on Facebook.

The Human Electric play the B.C

coming soon to belmont!

Jetts Fitness Club Your ‘no time to exercise’ cop-outs are going to be blown out the window this February with the opening of Australia’s most convenient Fitness Club, right on your doorstep! Jetts Fitness is opening up their brand-spanking new facility on High Street, Belmont, offering gym-goers the flexibility to work out whenever they please. Literally. The 24/7 Fitness Club offers it’s members access via a unique smart card system, allowing you to work out at any time of day or night, no matter what your hectic schedule looks like!

Scott Dumbell (Jetts Fitness Club Owner) says “The success of our Geelong West and Torquay centres has been quite humbling.

The uptake by local residents has proven to us the demand for an affordable and convenient fitness alternative.” The beauty of Jetts is that it’s all about enjoying your gym sesh, and relishing in the freedom, flexibility and affordability that comes with it. Utilising the latest fitness equipment from Australia’s leading suppliers, Jetts focuses on the popular and simple equipment that people enjoy using most, a) because they want you to have fun, and b) because they don’t want your mind to boggle by looking at strange machines that you have no idea how to use, or use safely. Your membership also means you can work out at any of the Jetts Clubs across our region...and all over Australia. We really are beginning to run out of excuses now guys. Jetts Fitness Belmont is opening February 1st, 2013 at Level 1/155 High St Belmont. Join as a foundation member and save $148 if you sign-up before opening day.

Call Jetts on 1300 JETTS 247 or visit the Club’s website at jetts.com.au for more info.

I q J UI

Melbourne-based rock band The Human Electric are set to play live at the Barwon Club on February 16. The band who has been together for almost five years now, have a 5 track Ep under their belt (Mannequin) and are apparently pumped to get back and play at the Barwon Club, a pub that have been fond of since they started out in ‘08. The biggest announcement you need to jot down is that in a very special show for BC punters, the band will be launching their first live set from their brand spanking new debut album, Warbirds. Exciting stuff, huh? Gracing the stages will be vocalist/guitarist Ben O’Borne, Dylan Snelling on bass/vocals, Kurt Snelling playing drums/vocals and finally Daniel Burgess on guitar/vocals. Get down and show your support for this good looking group of young guys as they launch what is to be the first of many albums to come. Tickets are available for $10 with Nathan Seeckts & Ikaraii as supports. Show kicks off at 8pm.

Eclectica Home to all things eclectic, this charming little store on Pakington Street plays home to a treasure chest of treats for both you and your loved ones. Whether you are after a gift for someone close to you, or simply a gift for yourself, you cannot look past the indulgent range of stock on offer at Eclectica.

From imported jewels from Israel, to jewels made by the owner of Eclectica, you are sure to find a unique range of one-of-a-kind pieces to compliment any outfit.

Eclectica also stocks the best range of cotton clothing in the region. With most of their items coming from India (home of the most exquisite cottons), you are sure to find an item that will make your wardrobe pop. Whilst these beauties are manufactured in India, they are all produced under proud Australian brand names, from Naudic to Stampato to Boomshankar and more. For something a little bit earthy and a touch eclectic this season, pop in and see the girls at Eclectica, or visit them online at www.facebook.com/EclecticaPako.

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FOR EVENT TICKETS ONLY:

Freestyle Helping to guarantee you are a welldressed, and well-budgeted social butterfly this season, Freestyle are bringing you a massive clothing sale on a huge range of mens and ladies leading brands. From Deacon, to Freshjive, to Goliath, All About Eve and more, Freestyle promise to have you keeping up appearances this season whilst still leaving you with some pennies in your pocket.

The huge sale being held at 325 Pakington Street is open seven days until all stock has been rushed out the door with its new owners. But with up to 70% off the hottest brands of the summer, you best get your toosh into gear before you miss out.

After you have checked out all the bargains, get down to 117 Pakington St for even more summer deals with mens basic tees at 2 for $50, mens shorts at 2 for $60 and a massive 30% off your second pair of womens shorts. Pop in and see what other goodies Freestyle are hiding for you or find them on Facebook @ Freestyle Clothing.

Dine-In at The Sphinx So we have heard a whole lot about where you can catch some great live music this summer, but what about where you can grab a great meal at a good price, and see a show? The Sphinx is offering you some true bang for your buck at the moment with fantastic meal specials on five out of seven nights of the week. From $16 steak night on Wednesdays, to $13 schnitzel nights on Thursdays, the Sphinx is perfect for tasty and affordable eating. Personally, we love the Monday & Tuesday specials where you get to choose from 11 meals for just $11.

Now, you can barely rent a movie for that price these days. The Sphinx also have a stellar line up of shows coming in the next couple of months, so keep your eyes peeled for ticket sales - we highly recommend The Aussie Rocky Horror Tribute Show. To find out more, call the team at the Sphinx on 5278 2911, or chat with them in person over one of those delicious $11 meals.

Blues on The Bay If you are looking to cruise in something a little more stylish this Summer you must check out the all new Hygeia 111. The team at Hygeia on the Bay are proud to introduce their new luxurious twenty metre catamaran which comfortably caters for up to 150 guests! The biggest and best bay cruiser Geelong has seen, the Hygeia 111 has a sleek finish and contemporary decor that is sure to impress yourself and your fellow sailors on your next special occasion. But if you don’t have a birthday coming up, and you aren’t planning on getting married (or re-married!) anytime soon, never fear, there is still a spot on board the Hygeia 111 for you.

Embarking on their Sunday Blues Cruise to the bays of Portarlington and beyond, the team at Hygeia invite you to wine, dine, relax and unwind whilst enjoying the live entertainment and delicious cuisine available on board. To join the Hygeia on their next Sunday Blues Cruise, (January 27) or to make a booking for your next celebration call 5254 1111 or visit www.hygeia.com.au.

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GEELONG PARTY BOAT CRUISE COMPANY PRESENTS

Coming up at Cuda

SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE Portarlington & beyond Launching every Sunday from January 6th 2013 On board the ALL NEW HYGEIA III LUXURY CATAMARAN Enjoy the finest cuisine on the Bay - Prawns from the BBQ - Hawaiian style kebabs - Exotic marinades

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BOOKINGS ADVISED Boarding from 1.30pm. Departing Bay end of Yarra Street 2pm sharp. Returning 5pm

www.hygeia.com.au P: 03 5254 1111

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Promising you as much summer action as ever over the coming weeks Cuda have a continued array of crowd-pleasers on the way. Quirky Aireys Inlet husband and wife duo, Vicky Gaye and Jeff Raglus will be performing together as Victoriana Gaye at the venue on January 25 from 7.30pm followed up by a Dj set from house-man DJ Brendan Yuen. Australia day looks set to please in more ways than one with a stellar line up to celebrate our country’s favourite day - Three Lorne locals who make up The Beachniks will play live at Cuda from 7.30pm chased on by T-Dub who will be mixing all the reggae-funk, hip-hop and house music you need to get you through a long weekend. Salty Dog Blues Duo from Ballarat will be helping wrap up the long weekend on a good note, performing live from 8.30pm on January 27. Get down to the Cuda and spread the Aussie cheer this long weekend - 82 Mountjoy Parade, Lorne.

OKA Finally Reach Torquay In a warm up to their main stage performance at the Rainbow Serpent Festival this long weekend, OKA are heading to the Torquay Hotel for a not to be missed show on January 24. Surf fans and music lovers unite, as this is something we have all been holding out for. Performing a string of sell-out summer session tours in Australia, the new show showcases some brand new tunes that are being recorded for their long-awaited new album release predicted for later this year.

Incorporating a huge range of sounds - from dub, electronica, hip-hop, jazz and many more - OKA’s sound can be hard to describe. A few words you can’t fall short of are infectious and thoroughly addictive. The three-piece has recently returned from an intense tour of North America where they performed a massive 80 shows within the 50 day tour schedule. Keep your eyes out for Stu Boga Fergie, the big man behind the electronic beats and keys, bringing raw didge and vocals inspired by his Aboriginal heritage. Chris Lane is the guy responsible for that captivating melody on slide guitar as well as the harmonica, bamboo, flute and sax sounds (when he’s not out surfing), that break through the OKA set. Last but not least watch out for the rhythm specialist, Charlie Zappa who’s renowned for his Polynesian fire. Jamming for over ten years now, these guys don’t grace us with their presence often enough, so be sure not to miss this one! Torquay Hotel, January 24 from 9pm.

Newton Faulkner plays Yarra Hotel Geelong Coming off the back of a recent short but sweet Aussie stint, Newton Faulkner (A.K.A Sam Newton Battenberg Faulkner) will be returning to Australian soil in April performing at the Yarra Hotel Geelong as a part of his national headline tour - Write It On Your Skin. The English born singersongwriter will be playing a string of shows across the country during March & April with dates booked in at Adelaide, Wollongong, Canberra, Kincumber, Newcastle, Brisbane and more notably, at the Yarra Hotel Geelong. Performing live at the newly rejuvenated venue, you can grab your tickets to Faulkner’s April 13 Geelong show by contacting Yarra Hotel Geelong on 5229 4477.

A Chocaholic’s Heaven Moorabool Valley Chocolate is a small family owned business that makes the most delectable hand-made chocolates you can imagine. Crafted in their new chocolate kitchen that is attached to the eighty-year-old farmhouse just on the outskirts of Geelong, Moorabool Valley Chocolate use all fresh ingredients, natural flavourings, and source locally whenever it is possible. From truffles, to pralines, to fruit and nut clusters and made-to-order novelty items, these guys really do provide the ultimate chocolate lover’s sanctuary. Whether it is Belgian, 75% Cocoa or perhaps a flavour that isn’t on the menu, the chocolatiers at Moorabool Valley Chocolate will do their very best to meet your requests, all they need is a little notice! Moorabool Valley Chocolate is always experimenting with new flavours and combinations to enhance and extend on their luxurious product range, guaranteeing that every time you go in to visit you are sure to stumble accross a new favourite. To find out more visit www. mooraboolvalleychocolate.com.au or pop in and see them at 320 Ballarat Road, Batesford.

At The NightJar One of the best things about being close to the coast during this time of year is not just the beach, but the huge amount of weird and wonderful things that arrive on our doorstep in celebration of the warmer months. The Torquay NightJar Market is the epitome of all things weird and wonderful. Returning to us for its third year of operation within the Surf Coast area, this independent artisans and designers market transforms Torquay’s Spring Creek into an eclectic haven where you can meander the stalls of unique, locally produced fair trade crafts, enjoy the vibrant atmosphere or catch a live performance from a local musician. Separating itself from your every-day market, the NightJar invites you to feast on some of the best market foods that have ever graced our region, or enjoy one of the craft beers or ciders in the infamous Driftwood Bar. As lover’s of the live music industry, the NightJar have set a stellar line up for you to enjoy this January, kicking off tonight (January 24) with

Alanna & Alicia, Red Whyte, The Swells, Nude Funk Orchestra and The Larson Effect. For the NightJar finale of 2013 (January 31), be sure to catch Not The Wolf, RDZJB, Aurora Jane, Farquarharson and Shaun Kirk. Whether you intend to stay for an hour or the entire night, you simply cannot miss the chance to view the amazing calibre of the designers, the diversity of the entertainment, and the yumminess of the gourmet food and wine the NightJar has on offer (highly recommend a visit to the new Chai tent, and the Nepalese stand).

In the name of all things green, the NightJar is run with a conscience, and we encourage all folk intending on heading down to the market to pack a picnic rug and venture down on two wheels, not four. And last but not least, in order to keep this example of organic, independent Surf Coast culture in operation, swing the girls on the gate a gold coin donation, it truly will be the best way to spend $1 this season.

When&Where: January 24 & January 31 from 4pm till 10pm, Torquay’s Spring Creek - Gold Coin Donation

Sebroso Fiesta Ok amigos, you may have heard some whispers on the rumour mill of late about a restaurant on Pako called Sebroso.

Now whether you have been there and know what all the fuss is about, or perhaps you still need to get down there and discover it for yourself, this authentic Spanish restaurant and bar is certainly getting tongues wagging. Receiving bucket loads of praise in the last couple of months for their new and improved dining experience, Sebroso accredits this burst of popularity to two things - 1, The new Head Chef, and Spanish food extraordinaire - Stephane. Stephane reigns from France and has been relishing on the challenge of returning the menu to its former authentic Spanish roots.

And 2, Sebroso Sundays salsa sessions with Paella straight from the pan. The only place in town you can enjoy Cuban salsa lessons, real Latino music and street food all in the one spot. Serving up the delicious dose of culture we have all been waiting for, be sure to get down there this Sunday and join in all the fun. Sebroso is open Tuesday through Sunday for dinner and Wednesday through Sunday for lunch. Find them at 146 Pakington St, Newtown.

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Saying Goodbye to Summer

Well, we have a month and some change left of summer. Autumn is starting to show a little leg and after being slapped around by 40-degree heat she’s looking good. Still, saying goodbye to summer ain’t always easy. So enjoy these things while the sun is still packing a punch. Oh, and don’t forget the five S’s: Slip, Slop, Slap, Seek and Slide.

Outdoor Movie There is a strange thing that happens when it comes to an outdoor movie. On the one hand you get to enjoy a movie in an often wonderful outdoor setting. On the other you have to contend with the elements - weather, bugs, wedgies from uncomfortable sitting positions and kids. Yes, kids are elements. But what can you do? As the old saying goes you can swat a bug but you can’t swat a kid. The Slap taught us that. Or maybe it didn’t. I didn’t watch it. Or read it. But I have slapped my fair share of… Despite this, there is a harmonious balance between the good and the bad that makes it work. The movie will not always be top quality but that doesn’t matter. The chances are it won’t be worse than the new Dredd movie. Some may say it’s Dredd-ful. But that would be lame.

Road Trip It’s not about the destination, it’s the journey. That is what they say. I am not so sure about that. In House of 1000 Corpses two couples had a destination in mind - unearthing the mystery of Dr. Satan.

And look what happened to them. That dude from the American version of The Office is turned into FishBoy. Anyway, there are rules to a road trip. Everyone chips in for fuel, you wind the windows down and food is communal. The biggest rule of them all: the driver chooses the tunes. Yep, it’s a gamble but the unwritten law dictates that he or she who is in charge of driving has music control. It doesn’t mean that you can’t whinge about it. Assaulting someone else’s musical taste as you cruise along is all part of it. Oh, and never trust a good looking hitchhiker.

Fish ‘n’ Chips on the Beach Life’s simple pleasures: finding money you didn’t know you had, finding the perfect parking spot, waking up to find you still have half-an-hour sleep, watching someone walk into a door. Even simpler, enjoying some hot fresh fish ‘n’ chips on the beach. Whether you’re a minimum chips person or a lunch pack person, strolling down to the beach as your food burns your hand, all the while knowing that by the time you find your perfect sitting spot your drink will be warm and your food a little soggy, is one of the great simple things about summer. There is also the matter of the occasional gust of wind that picks up that has you frantically trying to cover your food from windswept sand. But as you chow down on your piece of flake and gulp down your warm creamy soda, you know you have made the right choice.

One Day Cricket You can keep your Twenty20 cricket. The One Day game is vastly superior. What’s that? No it’s not, it’s boring. No, your short attention span is boring. Whether you make the trip to the ground, potter around the yard with the game on the radio or sink into your favourite chair, a One Day game is a great way to spend the day. Twenty20 cricket is like a one-night stand. It can be exciting and you may get to see some stuff you wouldn’t ordinarily but it ends as quickly as it begins. A One Day game is a first date.

Sure, it can sometimes feel like an eternity but if you hang in there, and if the gods are smiling, the pay-off is infinitely better. There are annoying things about the cricket. This year it has been the incessant ads of a certain fried chicken franchise featuring a couple of guys from some band that some people like although probably not as many as used to.

BBQ with Mates The smell of a BBQ is one of those smells that even vegetarians have to love. Not that you should have vegetarians at a BBQ - they, along with their soy sausages, should be banished. Like the road trip, there are rules to a BBQ. One: as the great man Homer said, you don’t win friends with salad. No-one cares if it is a special recipe. They may take a little to be polite and colour up their plate but the chances are the majority is going to be left to the side swimming in left-over tomato sauce. And two: the cook is the cook is the cook. No peeking over the cook’s shoulder and throwing in your two cents worth. If you wanted your burger or snag cooked a certain way, you should have offered to cook rather than pretend you received a text on your phone when a cook was being sought.

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Celebrating Summer at the Lorne Hotel

Coming off the back of their most beloved weekend on the yearly calendar, the Annual Pier 2 Pub weekend, the Lorne Hotel still has a lot in store for us this summer. With over two and a half thousand locals and tourists passing through their doors in celebration of the great race recently, the team at the iconic venue say they loved every minute of it. The race hasn’t been the only thing drawing a huge crowd to the Lorne Hotel in 2013, with the Wah Wah Fridays Summer Series drawing more and more punters with each semi-permanent Friday night session that they host (check out the gig guide for the next event!). The idea behind the Wah Wah Summer Series developed from the success of a Wah Wah Schoolies party earlier in 2012, and basically, the rest is history. Every weekend over the peak season the Lorne Hotel gathers a range of both locals and tourists together for one big party. And as Nick (Manager of the Lorne Hotel) explained to us, when you only have 800 ‘locals’ in the entire town, it’s important to throw a few out-of-towners in the mix to keep things interesting. Scaling back their DJ sets to weekends on the tail-end of summer, you can still expect to see an incredible mix of live music talent at the venue in the coming weeks - the FREE Donavon Frankenreiter show on Sunday, February 17 for example. Now we don’t know how many of you have seen Donavon live, but if you haven’t, you simply must. The Lorne Hotel is also home to what is possibly the Surf Coast’s best beer garden...and everybody loves a beer garden. If you haven’t locked down any plans for the Hottest 100 countdown yet, these guys will have it playing live in the beer garden all day, and even better, chase it up with a DJ set of all the winning tracks. You may be a little over all the hype of the festive season and just be looking for a place to hang out and catch up with a mate or two for the remainder of the warmer days, either way, we couldn’t think of a better beer garden with a better view to do exactly that. Get down there for a Green Apple Mojito or two on Mountjoy Parade, Lorne.

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Masters of Cool Now I may be stereotyping us a little here Sisters, so I apologise in advance. Generally as women, we somehow have at least a little bit of predisposed fear towards anything to do with automotive services, repairs, enhancers, engineers, or any other term car guys seem to tack on to the word ‘automotive’. Generally we get a little bit panicky when we start hearing a foreign ‘automotive’ noise.

Or much like my personal downfall, we sweep our car problems under the rug when they start to pop up because the impending doom of getting ripped off by someone dodgy is just too big of a risk. Plus, we have much more important things to spend our money on... well, so we think. But after chatting to Kathy & Dave down at Tintmaster, they informed me that window tinting ain’t just for lowered Skylines with big rims and even bigger sub woofers (I believe they are all stereotypical car related terms), but are also perhaps, for young ladies like yourselves, important for the following things - A) Skin protection - Dave explained to me that it’s an easy way to end up a wrinkly old woman if you drive around in your un-tinted car with no sunscreen on. B) How many times do we get out of our car and leave our handbags, wallets, phones, iPods or all of the above strewn across our front seat? Now unless you’re going to change those habitual ways, or you’re trying to attract the Geelong car thieves (whom we must say have been quite busy of late), we recommend a good tint to fix this impending problem. And finally, C) A good window tint not only keeps you cooler in the warmer months, but adds value to your car - should the time come for the two of you to eventually part ways. Tintmaster are the best of the best in this industry. From their use of top-end professional products through to their delivery of superior professional service, Tintmaster take all that anxiety out of the ‘automotive’ and ‘young women’ combination. Not only that, but they promise you a lifetime warranty, a competitive price, and a range of tint shades to choose from. Get down and have a chat to Kathy or Dave and the team at Tintmaster about fixing a whole range of problems you only just realised you had. PH: 5221 8877

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69 Yarra St Geelong | www.yarrahotel.com.au, 52294477

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ODYSSEY BLUES AND FOLK FESTIVAL Every now a then, a special event will pop up which promises to make a regular appearance in our diaries for years to come. The Australia Day long weekend has become somewhat sacred to a lot of us; not only does it suggest a day off work for the majority, but it combines two of our biggest loves - music, and the chance to give a pat on the back to the ol’ girt by sea homeland. Odyssey Tavern & Brewery in partnership with Spinning Half, have decided to combine these big loves with some of their own - craft Australian beers, great original live music, local produce... and of course good Aussie people - so mix all that love together and what do we have? The1st Annual Odyssey Blues & Folk

Festival being held this Australia Day long weekend.

In an effort to showcase the awesome amount of musical talent our region produces, the team at Odyssey felt that one night just wasn’t enough - it’s gonna’ take a long weekend. As we know, Australia Day celebrations are some of the best of the year, and Odyssey agree whole-heartedly. A great day for bringing people together, Odyssey suggest we use these special dates as a platform for celebrating all things good about life. Beer, music, food, and last but not least, our mates.

So who can you expect to see at the upcoming Odyssey

Blues & Folk Festival? Not only can you enjoy a Hottest 100 party on Saturday, but throughout the weekend you will have the chance to see Shaun Kirk, Carus Thompson and Jay Hoad returning to play at the festival after all achieving very successful first-year shows at the venue. Odyssey attribute much of the success of their debut year to the likes of Kirk, Thompson and Hoad who through their live performances at the venue have helped trademark Odyssey as a fantastic icon for live music in our region.

Beginning Thursday January 24, Odyssey invite you to come for a night, or come for three, with flexible

ticketing options available to all music-loving, beerguzzling punters. Kicking off at 7.30pm both Thursday and Friday nights you can purchase a ticket for just $20. Tickets to the Saturday shenanigans are $30 but if you really want to make the most of this great opportunity to catch the best live music in the region, and listen to the countdown, and hang out with your mates, and enjoy great food and craft beers, then we suggest you make the most of it with a $50 3-day pass.

Check out www.odysseytavernandbrewery.com.au for more info. And get in quick - tickets are flying out of the brewery as we speak.

TOM MILEK

Melbourne-based singer/songwriter, Tom Milek has also been listed on the impressive bill for the very first Odyssey Blues & Folk Festival. Milek, who has been praised for both his on-stage execution and recording performance draws influence from Damien Rice, Ryan Adams and Whitley. Milek’s debut Ep Love and Ambition, has received great reviews through out the music industry resulting in his new found label of ‘one to watch’. Reviewers in the past have described this artist as ‘strong but vulnerable’ and ‘addictive’- it is hard to pin point exactly what you are going to get from Milek’s live performance, but either way, you know that you will somehow, be moved by the sincerity and perfect execution of his live show.

Shaun Kirk

CARUS THOMPSON

PLAYING TIMES:

Carus Thompson is a seasoned name of the Folk Festival circuit. Hailing from Fremantle, Carus is an accomplished singer/songwriter who’s voice and style draws comparisons to that of the legendary Paul Kelly, Mick Thomas, and Tim Rogers. After ten years of writing, touring and recording Carus is looking forward to performing at the Odyssey as it’s just five minutes away from his second passion, the surf. Described to have a folk-rock acoustic sound, Carus celebrated huge success with his debut record - Acoustic At The Norfolk.

Ten years on, Carus returned to his roots and paid homage to the ground-breaking record through the production of a sequel. Whilst the sequel does not feature a single track from the original record, the album, alongside his studio album Caravan, show why Carus has become such an integral part of the Australian singer/songwriter landscape. One not to be missed this weekend.

JAY HOAD

Fijian-born didgeridoo artist and stringed instrument virtuoso, Jay Hoad is set to light up the stage at the very first Odyssey Blues & Folk Festival. Hoad has spent the last six years touring the globe taking inspiration from his Caribbean, South East Asian, Fijian and North American adventures. Travelling has allowed Hoad to combine his busy performance schedule with his desire to develop his knowledge of third world cultures. In 2012, Hoad supported Bob Marley’s ‘The Wailers’ on the East Coast leg of their North American tour. Known for his downright funky and highly energetic performance, Hoad plays a huge range of instruments including the didgeridoo, dulcimer, harmonica, ocarina and many more. Watching Hoad, it is hard to wrap your head around the concept that all this sound is coming from one man. Every show is unique with Hoad and his ‘play every show as if it’s your last’ approach to performance promises to deliver.

Buzz Magazine labelled him as one of the best blues voices the country has ever heard, but growing up, Shaun Kirk was more a keen sportsman than musician. At the age of 17, Kirk was injured with a badly broken ankle, which slowed him down long enough for him to discover his passion for music - a blessing in disguise, really. Starting out at Melbourne blues jam nights, Kirk soon swapped from singing folk music to a love of all things bluesy. The release of his debut album, Cruisin, in 2010 showcased his charming style as a boogie, blues and soul artist. Kirk’s first full length album was released at the age of just 24 and was titled - Thankyou for Giving Me the Blues. This album boasted seven originals and three covers and delivers everything you want from a contemporary blues and soul record. Putting the pun back into the idea of a one-man show, Kirk plays a massive six percussive sounds with his feet plus a guitar and harmonica during his live performances. From tambourine, stompbox, cymbal, kick snare and more you won’t know what’s coming from where when this talented musician graces the stage at the Odyssey Blues & Folk Fest. Recent billings included performing alongside Ash Grunwald, Tex Perkins, Dallas Frasca and more, plus with a busy past twelve months we can now call this one a seasoned professional of the festival circuit. A huge ‘can’t miss’ for this one.

MATT KATSIS

Matt Katsis believes being a musician is not something you become, but something that you are born to do. Matt has been labelled somewhat of a ‘seasoned professional’ and his experience within the industry transcends into his on-stage performance, resulting in a show that is both infectious and demanding. Moving between sounds of roots, to progressive rock and reggae, the Melbourne-based musician’s live performances have warranted his inclusion in a huge range of iconic festival line-ups in the past few years.

Sharing the stage with formidable acts such as The Beautiful Girls, Tim Rogers and Blue King Brown, Katsis also toured with fellow Odyssey performer Shaun Kirk in early 2012. Playing over fifty shows last year, and with debut Ep Rise and sophomore Ep Recoil to his name, Katsis’ commitment to creating success in this industry can not be questioned. Make sure you catch Katsis at Odyssey for one roots/reggae/rock performance that is sure to get the town talking.

Thursday 24 Jan

FRIday 25 Jan

SHAUN KIRK 9:30pm-11:00pm

carus thompson 9:30pm-11:00pm jay hoad (BAND) 9:30pm-11:00pm matt katsis 8:30pm-9:15pm tom milek 8:30pm-9:15pm jo dawson 7:45pm-8:15pm jay hoad (solo) 3:00pm-4:00pm lucas william 7:45pm-8:15pm johnny hawken 1:45pm-2:30pm

Alister turrill 8:30pm-9:15pm Jamie Pye 7:45pm-8:15pm

saturday 26 Jan

PLUS TRIPLE J HOTTEST 100 PARTY ALL DAY LONG! 36

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K +0 K K & www.thewoolexchange.com.au (03) 5222 2322 or www.oztix.com.au 1300 762 545

2 K K K & K K www.theatreroyal.info or www.oztix.com.au , 1300 762 545

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K & K K K www.regententertainment.com.au or www.oztix.com.au , 1300 762 545

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Forte's

Summer Spots!

Spotlight On Barwon Heads Summer is the time when the quiet little coastal town of Barwon Heads comes to life. Quiet river beaches soon fill up with holiday-makers or day travellers looking to hang out on the shores before heading down to the pub. Renowned for its rad golf course we suggest you pack a set of clubs, borrow a couple off Dad if you have to, and kick your day off with a round of golf.

Cafes are jam-packed down there during the summer, but if all that golfing has you famished we suggest you pop by At The Heads, not only does it have one of the best panoramic views of the Bellarine, but they cook a damn fine meal as well.

Mosey on down to the huge river estuary after lunch, (one thing you will learn about the Heads is that while the town is bustling with people, nobody is in a hurry) and enjoy a game of beach cricket with your mates. It’s a really chilled out, family oriented beach so don’t get nude and save the tinnies for the pub later on. If all the golfing and the cricket and the lunching hasn’t

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worn you out, drop a line in over the bridge as the sun goes down and enjoy what will soon be our last lot of sunshine for another season.

Finally the time has come for you to sit down, put your feet up and listen to some great live music at the iconic Barwon Heads Hotel. Whether you want to sit out on the main deck overlooking the centre of town, or inside with the action, once you snag a chair guard it with your life - they are hard to come by at this venue, especially over summer. The Barwon Heads Hotel is known as a brilliant supporter of local emerging talent and touring artists, locking in live performances every weekend and upping the anti over summer. This Australia Day weekend they’ve got Peking Duk fresh off the back of their killer Falls set.

All in all the perfect location to spend a proportionately relaxed day at the beach. Oh And P.S The op-shop is amazing for those who enjoy pre-loved goods.

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TALK OF THE TOWN! ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Jeff The Brotherhood

Josh Dance plays Lefties Sailing the Thee Oh Sees There is a lot of love in Australia for San Francisco Thee Oh Sees. Since their first visit the band has been welcomed with the kind of warmth a grandma greets her grandchildren. Except this grandma has cool taste in music and her grandchildren are a bunch of livewire noisemakers.

You probably know the story about the band. Some talented guy named John Dwyer started the band in the late 90s as a solo break. He has also earned a name in bands Coachwhips and Pink and Brown as well as several others. Soon enough his releases of instrumental, experimental home recordings led to a full band. Bigger numbers haven’t slowed things down with the band releasing album number 14, Putrifiers II, last year. The Barwon Club, Geelong – February 6.

James Sidebottom to Tamworth Quick bite: Congratulations to Geelong’s James Sidebottom whom recently battled it out in the Telstra Road to Discovery final at the Tamworth Country Music Festival. A trip to Nashville was up for grabs so all locals had their fingers crossed for Sidebottom. Whatever the result, we’re certainly proud. The Telstra Road to Discovery initiative celebrates its tenth anniversary in 2013. Way back in 2003 Jessica Mauboy was crowned the inaugural winner. You can find James through Facebook. .........................................................................

Drapht tours the Universe Perth-based hip hop artist Drapht (a.k.a Paul Ridge) has recently announced the dates for his upcoming The Uni-verse Tour on which he will be supported

by fellow rappers N’Fa Jones & Seven Mr. Hill. The tour will reach most of the country but unfortunately bypass punters in Tasmania and the Northern Territory. Geelong has secured one of Drapht’s gigs at it’s new premier music venue, The Wool Exchange playing Thursday, February 28. Bendigo has also snatched a look in with Drapht and the crew performing live at La Trobe University on Tuesday February 26. To secure your ticket to what is sure to be one of the stand-out tours of 2013 jump online and visit www.drapht.oztix.com.au. .........................................................................

Rainbow Serpent Festival Well, it’s here.

The 2013 Rainbow Serpent Festival has arrived. And you know what the means? It means you are going to get the parental spiel about what you can and cannot bring to the festival and all the other little stuff that you probably

Singer/songwriter Josh Dance is set to play at Torquay’s Left Off The Rocks on Saturday, February 9. Word has it he has packed with him a mixed bag of tricks, so expect the unexpected from Josh Dance as he travels between originals and covers. The local solo acoustic artist is making a bit of a name for himself about town, so be sure not to miss your chance to see him live. Oh, and when we say Josh Dance, we aren’t referring to some cheesy stage name, this one’s inherited. Catch him - Feb 9: Left Off The Rocks, Torquay

already know but are going to be told again. You can bring: yourself and good vibes. You can also bring alcohol. Reasonable amounts, of course. You can’t bring: generators, BBQs, amplified sound systems, weapons, drugs or glass. A total fire ban is in operation throughout the festival as well. Passouts are okay at any stage of the festival but make sure you have your wristband. Your wristband is your best friend so don’t leave it behind. Make sure you don’t leave your best friend behind either – your living, breathing best friend. Gates open at 12pm on the Thursday prior to the festival. All patrons are requested to have left by midday Tuesday following the festival. As they like to take good care of their revellers, air-conditioned charter buses will run from Melbourne. There will also be shuttle buses running between Beaufort and the festival site. It all takes place this weekend, January 25 through 28. Hit rainbowserpent.net for all the answers to any last minute questions you may have. Enjoy.

Since their 2010 appearance at Meredith Music Festival and their live sets blowing punters away at tiny club shows all planet, we are all dead keen to have Jeff The Brotherhood returning to Aussie soil. In between their Big Day Out performances all across the country, Jeff The Brotherhood will be gracing the stage of The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine on January 23. With Jake playing guitars and vocals and Jamin Orrall on drums, these guys are at the forefront of Nashville’s exploding indie-rock scene. The duo have clocked up over 400 shows in the past two years sharing bills with Best Coast, Fucked Up, The Kills and many more. Tickets to this huge event are available for $30 through Moshtix and support on the night will come to you from our beloved King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard.

Unplugged Geelong’s hottest competition for emerging artists is back with the Unplugged Summer Series. Presented

by City Quarter Bar expect to see a stellar lineup of 30 acts over 6 heats throughout a 10 week period. With 5 acts performing in each round, only 2 lucky performers will go through to the next round and be in with the chance to win $1,000 cash and the opportunity to record their own album. With a panel of 3 judges you can make your way into the finals by either receiving points from the panel, or winning the love of the crowd, with both a judge’s and audience’s choice determining who progresses to the finals. Kicking off on February 14 be sure to get your entries in a-sap by emailing manager@ thecityquarter.com.au.

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FUNDING AVAILABLE *CALL US TO CHECK YOUR ELIGIBILITY

The Riding Hood visit Wolseley

Donavon Frankenreiter Returns

After over a decade filled with five acclaimed albums, hundreds of shows, festival appearances and supports for the likes of Love, Primal Scream and The Dirty Three, Melbourne band The Sand Pebbles called it a day. Unable to resolve their differences, the members swore to never perform together again...Until last year, when a London band, The Wedding Present asked for the Pebbles personally to play with them at their Melbourne show. As the original band no longer existed, 3 ex-Pebbles and their producer joined forces to create The Riding Hood. That show was a triumph, and the band has been busily recording their first Lp in the last 6 months. Unleashing their new sound at the Wolseley Winery Sunday January 27, support will be provided by local musos, Paradise. Tickets are available for $15 with doors opening at 3pm.

Corona Extra and La Casa Artist Residency are thrilled to welcome back to our shores Donavon Frankenreiter for another series of shows as cool as the ocean breeze. Donavon Frankenreiter is a familiar face to Australia and when he returns he’ll be packing new album Start Livin’. The Hawaii-based songman recorded the album over seven days in Southern California and it rolls along as effortlessly as a backyard BBQ with a handful of great mates. And that is what people have come to love about Frankenreiter: his chilled-out sounds and positive vibe. The Hawaii living must be doing him good. With new material and plenty of old material in his set list, Donavon plays the Torquay Hotel, Torquay on February 17.

TOO HEAVY TO HUG PAUL S TAYLOR

With all the bullshit films being released, rereleased, re-made, sequaled and prequaled and franchised it’s good see that something new is on the horizon. If you haven’t heard, Metallica are releasing a 3D film entitled Metallica Through The Never. According to Metallica’s official website: “Picturehouse’s first new release will be Metallica Through The Never a feature film starring members of the iconic rock band and Dane DeHaan (Chronicle, The Amazing Spider-Man 2). DeHaan plays a young band crew member who is sent out on an urgent mission while the band is playing a rousing live set in front of a sold-out crowd and unexpectedly finds his world turned completely upside down. The film, written and directed by Nimr Antal (Kontroll, Predators), is due in theatres August 9. That’s the release date for US cinemas only, there’s no Australian release date set as yet.

I know a lot of people can’t wait to find out that this “urgent mission” this “crew member” is sent out on and the jokes will be coming thick and fast.

Does he need to get Lars some caviar? Does he need to see a real estate agent about the new ranch Kirk is buying? Does he need to detail James’ new Lamborghini? Or does he need to find a new basketball singlet for Rob? One can only speculate, but I really hope this “crew member” is sent out to punch Bob Rock in the face.

I’m really looking forward to watching the guys “act”, get nominated for Golden Globes, win Golden Globes, then get nominated for Oscars and then win Oscars. God knows every actor and film studio and producer at the moment needs a good arse kicking and Metallica are just the ones to do that (until Dimmu Borgir makes a horror film or something).

In Other News If you’re up for a road trip when why not head to Sydney to see Slayer? They’ll be at the Luna Park Big Top on Monday February 25.

Periphery and Crossfaith will be at the Gershwin Room on Monday February 25.

Kyuss Lives!, Orange Goblin and Red Fang will play the Palace on Tuesday February 26.

Vision Of Disorder along with Madball and Sick Of It All will be at The Espy on Wednesday February 27.

Linkin Park and Stone Sour will hold their Sidewave together at Rod Laver Arena on Wednesday February 27.

Anthrax, Fozzy and This Is Hell will play The Hi Fi on Thursday February 28.

Melbourne Soundwave on Friday March 1 is sold out.

Opeth will play The Palace on Thursday March 14.

Tickets to Black Sabbath’s Monday April 29 show at Rod Laver Arena are still available.

If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug

chris cruz

Can you believe it’s almost February already?

Yikes! Let’s get on with it before we get any further into 2013!

February 27 sees a MASSIVE hardcore show at the Espy Gershwin Room: Sick Of It All, Madball and Vision Of Disorder. Just sayin’.

Emo/electro/goth duo Blood On The Dance Floor have announced a Melbourne Sidewave for Thursday February 28th at The Arrow on Swanston. If you’re a Buffy fan or enjoy AFI side project Blacq Audio, you may enjoy these guys. The look like a more colourful Black Veil Brides. Very over the top image that completely overshadows their music. If you like this sort of stuff, you’ll know who they are, I’m sure.

The Axl Rose show is coming! And no, I will NOT refer to them as Guns N’ Roses. Catch the Hired Hands (the name they deserve!) at the Myer Music Bowl on March 17th.

Local alternative powerhouse ODD are launching their debut CD at the Barwon Club on Saturday January 26. Joining them on the night will be Roast Goat Spit. It’s gonna be a hell of a night- don’t be a chump - rock up and show some local bands your support.

Rescheduled Pennywise dates should be announced any time now, and nothing spells renewed interest quite like getting your beloved original frontman back in the fold.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: No Jim equals no Pennywise. He and Fletcher have become so iconic that either of them leaving would just be shit.

Well, if the Mayan calendar running out on December 21, 2012 didn’t trigger the apocalypse, the arrival of Kim Kartrashian and Kanye Wests’ turkey baster baby surely will. The porno/reality ho and her beard, erm, boyfriend, have officially announced that they are expecting. Gross!

Christian modern hardcore outfit For Today have come under fire for homophobic remarks made on Twitter by guitarist Mike Reynalds, who has now left the band to enrol in Bible College with his wife to prepare for missionary work in the Middle East. Last time I checked, most people in that part of the world were Jewish or Muslim. Poor guy can’t get ANYTHING straight. So to speak. It’s kinda funny how religion seems to tear people apart instead of bringing them together.

Metallica may be playing their Black album in its entirety at Soundwave. Nuts to you if you only like the first four albums! Everybody knows that anything they recorded after 1989 sucks balls!

Til next time, kids - stop using yer teeth. Not gonna tell ya again!

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Blues Train on track with the best

By Rebecca McIntyre

Award winning blues artists Lloyd Spiegel, Jimi Hocking and Queensland’s Mojo Webb Band are heading to Queenscliff to play the infamous Blues Train on March 15. Lloyd Spiegel, who has been included in some of the biggest bills of all time, (including one with legends of the industry Bob Dylan & Ray Charles) has recently been named as one of the 50 greatest Australian guitarists of all time by the Australian Guitar Magazine.

Reportedly stoked to be playing alongside good friend and Blues Train veteran Jimi Hocking, Spiegel has reffered to the Blues Train as Australia’s premier blues venue, and chats about the upcoming March show with anticipation - “It’s rare for Jimi and I to be in the same place at the same time. And it’s great to play at a venue which has done more for Australian blues music than any other place, person, or thing,” Spiegel explains giving a fair nod to the owners and operators of the iconic show on wheels.

Joining Spiegel on March 15 will be the winners of the Blues Association of South East Queensland ‘Memphis Blues Challenge’ 2011, Brisbane-based - the Mojo Webb Band. Playing one of their only two Victorian shows onboard the Blues Train, the talented trio will be sure to draw a plethora of passengers for this rare appearance.

Joing Lloyd, Jimi and Mojo Webb Band on March 15 will also be our locally born and bred, multi-award winning blues veteran Brian Fraser, plus the doctors of funk, Blues Mountain Trio.

Be sure to get your tickets to what is set to be the show of the season from Westfield Geelong ticketing box, GPAC, Saltbush Fine Foods in Queenscliff, or online at www.ticketek.com.au. when&where: march 15 at blues train - queenscliff

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SH2 WIN CUR N A E D ING TED G FILMBMY E R AK TO E R N

Triple j Hottest 100 Forte’s Top 20

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Heading into our favourite weekend of the year at Forte, we are ready to celebrate all things Aussie. Barbies and havaianas, trading potential public holiday pay for a day off with our mates, and the inevitable hangover to follow. Most importantly, we also get to listen to some damn fine music. A huge amount of talent crept out of 2012 with a lot of the songs included in our top 20 stemming from the artist’s debut/break-out year. Many of the artists we have chosen have also been busy touring the festival circuit this season, (Flume, Tame Impala, TEED, Grimes, with MS MR and Of Monsters & Men on their way for Laneway) helping cement some of their best tracks as Aussie favourites and potential title-holders for the best song of twenty-twelve. We all agreed in-house that this vote, of all years, was possibly the toughest to narrow down. With much debate, and the help of Forte readers, here are our twenty faves of twenty-twelve.

1. Little Talks

Of Monsters & Men

2. Elephant Tame Impala

3. Holdin’ On

Flume

4. Get Free Major Lazer

5. Breezeblocks

Alt J feat. Amber of Dirty Projectors

6. Thrift Shop

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

7. Super Rich Kids

Frank Ocean

8. Chained The xx

9. Household Goods

Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs

10. Die A Happy Man Tuka

11. Oblivion Grimes

12. Forever Heim

13. I’m Into You Chet Faker

14. Hurricane MS MR

15. Youth In Trouble The Presets

16. Cloud City Hermitude WWW.FLIXINTHESTIX.COM.AU

17. Coming Down

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Ball Park Music

18. Clair De Lune

Flight Facilites

19. Gold On The Ceiling The Black Keys

20. Sweet Nothing

Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch 42

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Toast Foam Frenzy

Two of Australia’s largest foam cannons are setting up shop in Toast nightclub on January 25 promising a wild, wet and ridiculously fun night at the Geelong hot spot. Management has advised all of those planning on attending the Toast Foam Frenzy to leave their Sunday best and substitute it for something a little more wet weather appropriate - boardies and bikinis.

With two rooms in action featuring two different musical styles, (TOAST bangers in the main room and Party Disco beats in the Blue Bar)

behind the decks you will have all your favourite DJs Jamie Vlahos, Darkfrance, Digga Please, Isaac Fryar, Kid Kurupt & Partners in Crime. This is a one-night only event and getting into the true Aussie spirit for Australia Day weekend, the team at Toast are even allowing you to wear thongs... just this once. Cloak rooms will be available for you to bring a dry set of clothes if your planning on letting things get a little out of hand! Pre-sale tickets are available now for $15 via the Toast website or via the Toast promoters. Jump on to www.toastclub.com.au to find out more.

RAW COMEDY justin hamilton

Fledging comedians are set to take to stages all over the country as the Melbourne International Comedy Festival’s Raw Comedy competition kicks off, promising one lucky larrikin the ultimate comedic prize... A trip to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Amid tears of laughter, the tragedies and the triumphs, local comics will have the chance to get up there and strut their stuff at the upcoming Geelong heat which is being hosted

by GPAC on Saturday February 2. Aiding the search for the next biggest and brightest comedy star will be host Justin Hamilton, who has carved an incredibly successful career as a comedian and writer. You may have also caught Justin in the show ‘The Librarians’, as the recurring character ‘Biscuit’, or perhaps as a part of the Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow, or

maybe during his support of Wil Anderson on Wil’s national tours. Raw Comedy is Australia’s largest and most prestigious open mic comedy competition and has been operating for seventeen years. Past winners of RAW include Chris Lilley, Josh Thomas, Hannah Gadsby, Wil Anderson and Peter Helliar.

A few of those funny people ring a bell, don’t they?

We have even had a local take out the competition in recent years - Jonathan Schuster. Jonathan went on to perform in Edinburgh’s comedy competition, So You Think You’re Funny? after taking out the Raw Comedy reign, making the semi finals alongside some of the world’s best comedians. Schuster is now a regular on the local comedy circuit. Tickets to the good, the bad and the damn right ugly of Geelong’s comedic talent are available for $25 through GPAC (5225 1200) or by visiting www.gpac.org.au.

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Carus Thompson

By Cameron Brogden

Since returning from touring Europe early last year, Carus Thompson has released a studio album, Caravan, and a live album, Live at The Norfolk Volume 2, and has been touring pretty much non-stop. This year, he’s bringing the show to a couple of local grassroots festivals, the Odyssey Blues & Folk Festival, and the Moyston Live Music Festival. I got to chat to him about these shows over a slightly dodgy phone connection recently.

You’ve been touring the Bellarine and Surf Coast a fair bit lately, is there anything in particular that draws you to the area? It’s a very beautiful part of the world, for one. I surf a bit, so I’m always a big fan of the Bellarine and the Surf Coast, and I lived at Anglesea for a year, about three or four years ago, so I got to know it pretty well. I guess musically, there’s so many great festivals on that coast, Queenscliffe, Port Fairy, Apollo Bay and the Falls Festival, and I’ve played all these festivals, and felt I’ve always had a good following down your way, so I’ve always played there a lot because I’ve always had fans there to hear me.

It must be great to be back at the Odyssey Tavern & Brewery as one of the headliners for the Blues and Folk Festival. I think it’s really cool, there’s a really good vibe. More and more you’re finding with the music industry it’s venues like this that are run by people who really love music, and really want to host music, that’s what’s helping keep music alive really. It keeps artists like

Victoriana Gaye We caught up with the ultimate hubby and wife combo for a chat about their upcoming gig at the Geelong Night Market, the current condition of local live music, and what it’s like touring with your other half. Here is what they have to say...

What have you guys been up to lately? Right now we are arguing about whether to tell it straight up, warts and all, or distract you with some zany made up shit that might be more entertaining. Jeff is the boring one and I’ve been forced to cross out the stuff I wrote about joining a religious cult. The last 2 years have been non-stop. We’ve toured south Australia twice and the East Coast four times. Lots of local and coastal gigs as well as Melbourne and across Victoria. We self manage and to organise this takes just as long as the actual tours.

You are still residing in the beautiful town of Aireys Inlet - What do you use as a rehearsal space? We usually rehearse in the middle of the house, it’s got a cork floor and you can dance a bit while you play. We practice with this little old amp we found in Geelong. We used to have these awful neighbours that would complain so we told them where to go - and they did. We have great neighbours now and the kids hang over the fence and sing along. You can’t beat that.

me touring. There’s all the more traditional venues that are just in it to make money, they don’t survive. You’ve really got to have the love of music, and the want to see music succeed. And you can tell, as soon as you walk into a place like the Odyssey.

And you’re playing the Moyston Live Music Festival, can you tell us a little bit about that? I played the Lake Bolac Eel Festival four years ago, for the first time. And there were a bunch of guys in Ararat, which is near Moyston, and they’re lovers of music and supporters of music, and they’ve got this weekly show that they put on and they get artists, international artists, national artists, from all around to come and play. And they’re putting on this festival for the first time, so they asked me to come and play, which is awesome.

And it’s just back to that thing, it’s people putting on music because they love it, and they want to share.

Live at The Norfolk Volume One was your breakout record, how does it feel to be releasing the sequel? It’s amazing, nine years between the two. It just feels like a full circle. Sort of looking back on my career... When Norfolk Volume 1 came out, I didn’t have any following or fanbase anywhere, since then I’ve got a national fanbase, I tour around the country, I’ve toured Europe, I’ve made a bunch of records and people want to hear my songs.

So it’s pretty special, something to be proud of, and I guess Volume 2 made me realise how much things have changed since Volume 1 came out. together at home and try out our harmonies.

We sometimes do a little guest spot with each other if we are at each others gigs which is always fun. Ghost Mutt are now named ‘Paradise’. They’ve just finished recording and are doing some gigs this summer. They’ll be playing with Melbourne Band ‘The Riding Hood’ at Wolseley Winery on Sunday the 27th Jan. You two have been doing a bunch of live shows, as you always do, had any really good ones lately? The best of recent gigs would have to be going to Noumea last August. fantastic fun! And so surprisingly French! Then Mullumbimby Festival last November, that was a great tour and we also played The Powerhouse in Brisbane which we really enjoyed. It all felt like a slight step up, which gives you a better view.

Are you currently working on a release?

If so, when is it due? Yes, we are half way through recording an album. The songs are sounding great, we are so excited about it all. Should be out round April according to plan...

Being husband and wife, what is the dynamic like during the creative process? It swings wildly between full on arguments with crying - right through to pashing on - in love with it all!

What’s your take on the state of original and live music in the region at the moment? Hmmm...That’s a hard one. It was a shame to see The Nash and The Wrong Crowd close. Though things consistently change and new venues will appear out of necessity. Having said that, where we play on the Coast - the Cuda Bar in Lorne and the Aireys Inlet Pub and Wolseley Winery, they all seem to be going really well.

Your son, Kasper is a very talented member of ‘Ghost Mutt’, any chance of the Raglus family band being created? Ha! Well maybe. We jam

Are you looking forward to the Geelong Night Markets? what have you got in store? Yes, really looking forward to a balmy

Tim Freedman

solo album, titled Australian Idle), and it doesn’t really play anymore,” he explains.

by Andrew Pretorius

Becoming a rock star might have saved Tim Freedman from a stint in the slammer. For some musicians, being catapulted into the sparkling sphere of stardom brings with it all manner of opportunities for the kind of debauched misadventures that actually increase the likelihood of jail time. But for Freedman it happened the other way around, and his attempt at a career that clashed with his values was not a pretty picture. “I probably would have ended up in jail,” he says of the way in which his life might have turned out if, instead of leaving law school, he had tried in vain to reshape the unbending strictures of the profession. “I just didn’t necessarily agree with the laws so I probably would have been a bit dodgy, I don’t know, I’m just guessing. I never had to make those choices.”

Between the ages of five and 23, Freedman kept his music-making as a hobby. “I wasn’t driven from an early age to be honest,” the frontman for The Whitlams tells me. “It wasn’t ‘till I bummed out of law school that I thought I would give it a full-time shot.”

Following the huge successes that characterised The Whitlams’ heydey, Freedman decided to take some time out, which was partly due to the birth of his daughter, Alice. But the period in Freedman’s career that would turn into a two-year hiatus for The Whitlams was also influenced by his need to design a new challenge for himself. To fulfil this urge he assembled a new band (‘The Idle’), an undertaking which, although he says it was necessary, he describes as having been “hard work”. “The Idle was a band set up to tour that album (Freedman’s

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When&Where: Odyssey Blues and Roots Festival: January 25, Odyssey Tavern & Brewery, Mt Duneed - Moyston Live Music Festival: January 26, Moyston Oval, Moyston

Their upcoming show at Flix in the Stix will be the first time The Whitlams will have played together in two years. This will mark the beginning of a tour that will see them perform at regional centres, as well as at shows in Australia’s capital cities, where the band will be backed by orchestras. Last year Freedman’s focus was his solo work, whereas 2013 will see him direct most of his energy to The Whitlams. Talking about his upcoming Whitlams tour, he says, “They’re quite big shows so you don’t have to do as many of them…three of us have got little kids now, so it sort of suits family life perfectly.” He says The Whitlams also plan to record “three or four” new songs this year and that he intends to spend the next nine months focusing on his band, after which he’ll embark on a solo tour.

The Whitlams’s success is a testament to their ability to connect with listeners. But in what particular ways does Freedman like people to be affected by his music?

“It depends. At a solo show in a jazz bar I like them to have a wry smile on their face and enjoy the wordplay, whereas at the end of playing to 2000 people at twilight in the country, I prefer the town to start having a bit of a party. I like to think we can do a bit of both, depending on the situation.”

When&Where: Flix in the Stix Sat 9th of March, Lake Wenduree, Ballarat. Sun 10th of March, Big Hill Winery, Bendigo.

night with the folk of Geelong. We’ve done shows there over the past few years and the stage is always really well run. It’s such a great atmosphere and time to get out and enjoy a summer evening with your shoes off in good old Johnston Park. We’re glad they’ve chose to include original acts like ourselves. Our songs are about us and

our time and people relate to that.

Anything else for the Forte readers you would like to share? Love is more than emotion, Love is more than fire, Love is more than a passion Love is more, Love is More LOVE IS MORE.

Ash Grunwald

By Natalie Rogers

It’s the return of the prodigal son - an old phrase but quite a fitting one for Ash Grunwald on his return to Geelong for the first time since the release of his sixth studio album Trouble’s Door (2012) “Geelong is my old hood”, Ash jokes.

The reason behind the local favourite’s return to the Surf Coast is to celebrate the revamp of The Wool Exchange venue on Corio St. “I haven’t played my new album in Geelong yet and I’m looking forward to it, it should be a good night,” Ash explains. “I lived in Torquay for five years, I got to know and love the area. I have a lot of memories of playing in Geelong and I remember doing gigs in the front bar of the Nash,” Ash recalls.

“Also doing supports for Xavier [Rudd] at the Nash and playing the Barwon Club, so it’s going to be a trip down memory lane for me and a little bit of

a home coming as well. I went back last year and played a gig in Torquay, which was really cool and in the wider scope of things when you are living in Torquay Geelong is the big smoke,” he laughed.

“It will be good to get back and do a gig.”

Known nationally and internationally as a singer, songwriter and musician, Ash is also recognised for his work as an environmental activist, his passion for surfing, a great family man, and a huge music fan. As I listened to Trouble’s Door all those aspects of the this incredible performer began to show. “Most of the songs on this album were written on the same night, I’d been living in a little beach house with my wife and little girl for two years and also touring my ass off which is fun, but in a little house there is nowhere for me to write or anything so I commandeered a friend’s house for a night and I just sat there with my guitar and computer and I spontaneously wrote. Along with two covers I finished nine songs! I just felt all this creative energy blasting out,” Ash explains.

“The two covers on the album are ‘Ramblin Man’, an old Hank Williams song, and ‘Sail’ by AWOLNATION, a song that my little brother played to me on YouTube, because he knew it would be right up my alley. I am happy to have these two covers on the album as they are from two separate ends of the time spectrum. I thought it would be cool to put ‘Sail’ on the album now, because back in the day JJ Cale bought out ‘Cocaine’ and Eric Clapton did it the next year, and Marvin Gaye did ‘I heard it through the Grape vine’ and then Creedence Clearwater Revival did it straight away and I think that’s really cool, people don’t tend to do that anymore.”

“The track ‘When you need ‘Em’ I wrote just after I did a gig protesting coal seam gas mining and I had a lot of feelings about where we are headed and the fact those massive corporations seem to be taking over.” Ash continued, “What’s that word?

It a corpochrisy! [corporate hypocrisy], you know?

It’s like we may not have a democracy any more it’s just a corpochrisy”, he laughed. “It seems like we don’t even get a choice any more and are powerless to stop these multinational corporations just dividing and conquering and doing whatever they want. So that one’s about where is everybody when you need them and that everybody should stand up however the chorus ends saying I’ve been as guilty as any one.”

chose to include on his new album with songs like ‘What you had’, about the evils of substance abuse; “I just thought the line ‘lips on the bong’ sounded good and pretty relevant to a lot of people. I had a friend, a guy who lived near me, who was a really good surfer, a little bit would have been, could have been but he had his ‘lips on the bong’ and that was it. So I thought it would be cool to do an old school blues song in that vein. Almost every verse has a different evil one’s dope, one’s alcohol and another’s cocaine; it’s an old blues cautionary tale,” Ash explained.

Life for this perpetual hard worker is about to get a whole lot busier with plans already in the pipeline for work to begin on an acoustic album which is rumoured to feature many exciting collaborations and the happy news that his wife, fellow musician Danni Carr will be expecting the second child.

So come on down to the beautiful and historic Wool Exchange to spent some time supporting a truly outstanding Australian talent. You will be moved, inspired and most importantly thoroughly entertained!

Social commentary is another tricky topic Ash

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!

When&Where: Saturday, February 9 at the Wool Exchange, Geelong

Bar. Lounge.

Functions.

Restaurant.

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HIT OR SHIT!

MIXTAPE; SE2013E01.

TIMBERLAKE IS BACK WITH AN ABSOLUTE NON-EVENT OF A NEW SINGLE

THE RETURN OF DESTINY’S CHILD Beyonce, Tenitra Michelle and Kelendria Rowland have announced that they are back to reinvigorate the urban world. After a near seven year departure as an ensemble, the trio have embarked on the next stage of their careers by announcing details for a new album, with first single being the stunning 1990’s jack-housing throwback ‘Nuclear’, which was co-written by Tenitra and Pharrell Williams. The song cleverly captures the essence last heard via anthemic hitmakers like Massive Attack (think ‘Unfinished Sympathy’ more than ‘Teardrop’, thank you), Snap!, and even that underground club-vibe of Madonna’s 1993 long-playing-opus - ‘Erotica’. It’s hard to deny the similar vibe between this latest release from DC3 and the latest EP release from Beyonce’s sister Solange, and although that 1990’s Erotica vibe was mastered to its greatest potential on Solange’s ‘True’, Destiny’s really are on the right path with ‘Nuclear’. All of this exciting girl-group news comes just in time for Beyonce’s hotly reported half-time

Justin Timberlake has some completely irrelevant new single that overstays its welcome by about five minutes and is the latest sleepinducing fad to take over the universe.

‘Suit & Tie’ – which may as well have been five minutes of complete silence – does not excite us in the slightest for JT’s upcoming musical pursuits.

Hilariously, The Other Justin has gone one step further at proving his irrelevance by launching the singles first play to occur on MySpace.

Grandpa Timberlake hasn’t had any music out in a long while, and in the time since he last graced a recording studio with his presence we’ve had Gaga and a younger, fresher Justin enter the scene with every intention of snatching his weave. We are (somewhat) hopeful for the album, which sees him working with the likes of Pharrell Williams and Timbaland again, but if it’s an album full of songs like ‘Suit & Tie’ we’re going to have to ask Justin to leave the building and go back to making rubbish movies nobody watches.

SCRAM & SHIT The Nekci Menij parody of the will.i.am & Britney Spears single is at least 6,000 times better than the original.

LIZA MINELLI We’re off to see her in Paris!

THE END OF 30 ROCK

MADONNA CRYING WOLF AGAIN? Here’s an interesting mixtape piece: There are very thick rumours circulating that Madonna will either be focusing on recording a new album this year and touring it in 2014, or – she will begin a second leg of 2012’s MDNA Tour and focus on a new album throughout 2014.

Madonna’s MDNA Tour was 2012’s most successful World Tour and even managed to become the highest grossing tour of all time – and that’s without taking it to Australia or Asia. Madge was originally scheduled to bring the MDNA Tour to Australia during Summer (dates were speculated to have been during January and February of this year) but, in typical Madonna fashion, cancelled at the last minute and used the tired excuse of her children needing to return back to school as reason enough for cancelling – an excuse Madonna has used on Australia more than once before.

So if Madge does decide to relaunch the MDNA Tour later in 2013, will she once again do the dodgy on Australia? Or do M and her manager Guy Oseary feel bad as it is for continuously breaking promises made to Australia, tour after tour? As much as we’d love for this speculation to be truth, we’re not going to hold our breaths – especially when Madonna’s concerned.

NICKI vs MARIAH: THE STORY CONTINUES In no surprise whatsoever, Nicki Minaj has taken to chatting with Jay Leno regarding the beef between herself and Mariah on-set of American Idol, not at all coincidentally in the week that American Idol premieres on US Television. Minaj insists the beef was not fake “in the slightest.” Jay proceeded to ask Minaj if she was a fan of Mariah’s, to which Minaj responded “Yes, I’m one of her biggest fans in the world darling. Yes, we’re best friends, yes.” When asked if the feud was fake, Nicki swiftly answered “It definitely isn’t a fake feud.

That I can say for a fact. Yeah, it’s just one of those weird things, you’ve got to see it to get it.

A lot of it starts off with us just joking but we’re passionate and we’re both crazy and then it just goes REOW!” So after all of that readers; we can confirm that both Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey are as crazy as a pair of shithouse rats.

Written by Adem with an E.

tweet of the week

“ Don’t know your CD from your VCR? Got questions? Brashs Helpline is open 9am to 5pm, Monday to Friday, 1986 to 1998.”

The newly-emerged @BrashsHelpline leaves the entire Splinters office calling for the ambulance in order to make reservations at the morgue. R.I.P. Brashs.

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The very final episode ever airs on January the 31st in the States.

Good-bye Jenna Maroney - whose computer password is “me69” – we’ll miss you!!

JIMMY FALLON Remember when he was funny.

THE RETURN OF DESTINY’S CHILD ‘Nuclear’ is a triumph!

SHIT!

It’s been a big fortnight in pop, ladies and gentlemen; girlgroup comebacks, the return of Justin Timberlake, speculation of an MDNA 2013 Tour and the battle between American Idol judges Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey continues for public consumption.

show at this year’s Super Bowl, who is alleged to have an incredible show planned that incorporates not only her solo-hits and a new song, but also Michelle and Kelly – who are said to join Beyonce for a medley of Destiny’s hits in the second-half of her Super Bowl show. 2013 is tipped to be a big year for all three girls; not only is there new DC3 material on the way, each of the girls will also be dropping solo albums this year, with Beyonce already reported to be working with Timbaland, Azealia Banks, Diane Warren, Jay-Z, Justin Timberlake, Miguel, Missy Elliott, Ne-Yo, Swizz Beats, The Dream and Pharrell. Bey has said that she has specifically chosen to work with these artists as she feels they understand the 1990’s approach to urban music.

According to Internet Folklore, Sporty Spice will be joining the cast of Viva Forever in the UK by month’s end. We’ll keep you posted.

HIT

THE INSIDE SPLINTERS

MELANIE C

the ARIA SINGLES CHART 01. MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS – Thrift Shop We prefer “Same Love” but this is sufficient enough.

02. WILL.I.AM FT. BRITNEY SPEARS – Scream & Shout Online parody “Scram & Shit” outshines the original; see YouTube for more.

03. ICONA POP – I Love It Featuring the vocal prowess of Charli XCX, who doesn’t seem to get much of a mention for the Australian release of this pop classic.

04. THE LUMINEERS – Ho Hey Did anybody catch The Vengaboys and their Vengabus last week?

05. TAYLOR SWIFT – I Knew You Were Trouble The campaign for “Holy Ground” to be the next Taylor Squint single starts NOW. 06. BRUNO MARS – When I Was Your Man The latest smash to be lifted from the incredible “Unorthodox Jukebox.”

07. SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA – Don’t You Worry Child We are only worried that this retirement is actually never happening.

08. LABRINTH – Beneath Your Beautiful Girls Aloud recently covered this for Radio 1’s Live Lounge.

09. MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS – Same Love It’s quite amazing to think a song of this nature is being hammered on commercial radio; Well done Australia.

10. OLLY MURS – Troublemaker

Oh fuck off.

the SPLINTERS TOP 10 01. KE$HA – All That Matters Slowly becoming the best song from K-Dolla’s sophomore album “Warrior.”

02. DESTINY’S CHILD – Nuclear

Welcome back to these Sisters with Voices.

03. WILEM FT. BRINTY SPREAS – Scram & Shit Sample lyric: “Why am I talking like a Brit? Coz everywhere that I go I – Bring the accent.”

04. GIRLS ALOUD – Something New Striking minor interest on Australian radios but not enough to see these girls pierce the ARIA charts.

05. KATY B – Aaliyah Perhaps if the new Justin Timberlake single sounded a little more like this we’d be in a much better mood about it.

06. JESSICA LANGE – The Name Game If you watch American Horror Story Asylum you’ll know what this is about. If you don’t; YouTube the video.

07. MUTYA KEISHA SIOBHAN – Boys The Original Sugababes (the Origibabes?) are BACK with this ball-tearing new single.

08. GIRLS ALOUD – On The Metro It’s quite beautiful to be living in a time where the original Sugababes and Girls Aloud are all releasing singles, isn’t it?

09. ADELE – Skyfall (JNX vs Almighty Vocal Mix) Stuff the original, it is all about this poppers-oclock rave-ready remix.

10. MADONNA – Gang Bang Will it be the next single or won’t it?

THE CITY LIGHTS MELBOURNE

The City Lights: Wherever you go, we’ll be there with you.

The Tote Welcomes New Band Booker

.........................................................................

As we smile and wave goodbye with one hand to Amanda Palmer, we extend a greeting hand to Nicci Reid, The Tote’s new Band Booker. Speaking about the changing of the guard, co-owner Jon Perring says: “Nicci is very experienced and a widely respected music industry professional with loads of ideas. We are very excited to have her on board. We would also like to take the opportunity to thank Amanda who charted the Tote’s music program through 5 turbulent years including its 30th birthday, its closing and its reopening. She has done an incredible job.”

Paper Arms all Clear So, what do you know about punk rockers Paper Arms? If the answer is not a lot, you should remedy that. Since playing their first shows in November 2008, the Adelaide mob has shared the stage with acts including Strike Anywhere, Samiam, Leatherface, and Frenzal Rhomb. On the first day of February the band will release their newie, The Smoke Will Clear.

The Bendigo Hotel - February 22. .........................................................................

Viva la Los Straitjackets Nashville’s Los Straitjackets is what you get when you take some of the finest rockabilly players, slap a Mexican wrestling mask on them, and let the good times roll. The instrumentalists formed as The Straitjackets in the late 80s. The ventured was short-lived before being reignited in 1994 as Los Straitjackets. The band features noted rockabilly guitarist Eddie Angel. They’ll party in your pants. The LuWOW - March 14. .........................................................................

Civil Civic Lay Down the Rules It can’t be an easy thing for duo Civil Civic to explain their deal. The band is comprised of two Aussies, except one of them lives in Barcelona and the other in London. There is also a third member of sorts the enigmatic ‘Box’. And they have never played in Australia. But they are loved in Europe (and no doubt here too). Heading here for the ATP’s I’ll Be Your Mirror event, the duo also plays The Tote on February 19. Their new album Rules is released February 1. .........................................................................

Atari Teenage Riot Return Autumn just became a little better with Atari Teenage Riot set to return to our shores. The digital hardcore heavyweights formed out of Berlin in 1992. In September 2001 member Carl Crack passed away and the group disbanded. Alec Empire renewed the band in 2010 with a fresh line-up featuring Nic Endo and CX KiDTRONiK. They released an album, Is This Hyperreal?, in 2010. Billboard - May 17.

.........................................................................

The Necks Annual Run With 16 albums in 25 years one could never accuse Aussie jam band The Necks as being slackers. Three fine souls make up the band: New Zealand-born, Sydney-raised pianist Chris Abrahams, bassist Lloyd Swanton and drums and percussionist Tony Buck.

All three are some of the country’s finest jazz players and The Necks is a ‘where will they go next?’ musical ride you won’t want to end. The Corner - January 29 through 31. .........................................................................

Chick on Speed gets Loud Formed out of Germany in 1997, Chicks on Speed could best be described as a multi-national musical and fine art ensemble. Well, there could be a better way but it’s going to do. The outfit is currently enjoying the Big Day Out run but have tagged on a few additional dates here and there to promote their new project Scream which will conclude with an album of the same name later in the year. Melba Hall - March 15. .........................................................................

Feelings Share the Love There is a guy called Simon Berkfinger. Well, there is probably more than one but this particular Simon Berkfinger used to be the lead singer of Philadelphia Grand Jury. When the band split he decided to channel his considerable talents into the solo project, Feelings. He seduced some players to help him out and will release an album later in the year. In the meantime you can enjoy ‘sexpop’ single ‘Intercourse’.

The Workers Club - February 15.

Hanging in Urthboy’s Haunt Older siblings are pretty handy when it comes to passing on musical tastes. For Tim Levinson his older brother’s eclectic taste in music would help him make an undeniable mark on Australia’s hip hop scene as both a member of The Herd and his solo work under the moniker Urthboy. As Urthboy Tim recently released his fourth solo album, Smokey’s Haunt all of which sit very nicely alongside his six albums with The Herd. The Corner - March 2.

Beatlemania Hysteria

Hi Ho Gung Ho

You know The Beatles, right? If their name is unfamiliar you can Google them. They used to big. Really big!

Bigger than Jesus, apparently. People still love them - many millions of people. And doing them proud is Beatlemania, a stunning musical biography production featuring four of the UK’s finest talents. This is about as close to the real thing as you can get. Sing along to all your favourites at Athenaeum Theatre from March 14-17.

What is there to say about Brisbane’s Gung Ho that hasn’t been said before? Probably a great deal to be honest, so instead I will repeat what many others have said: this is a band hot on the lips of many. 2012 was a big year for the band - a year spent honing their surf-rock and post-punks skills alongside bands including Whitest Boy Alive and Wavves. Their new EP is Anywhere Else. The Workers Club - February 23.

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Fancy a Chip Music Festival?

The brains behind last year’s Blip Music Festival and the regular SoundBytes events have joined forces for Square Sounds. Okay, so what you are going to get is a healthy line-up of audio and visual artists who work with old video game consoles or are influenced by them.

The two-day event will host both international artists as well as locals including Elliot, A_Art, Pselodux and iLKke. Evelyn Hotel - February 15 & 16.

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Spray & Wipe’s a Breeze The Hungry Kids of Hungary will lead the way at the upcoming Spray & Wipe mini music festival at The Espy on February 1. The Brisbane indie-poppers are gearing up for the release of their sophomore album You’re a Shadow in February so the timing couldn’t be better for this little music love-in. Also playing are The Aston Shuffle, The Holidays, New Gods, Asta, Sons Et Al, Pluto Jonze and a stack more.

Visit our website at nandos.com.au for details & be sure to follow us on Facebook at Facebook.com/nandosaus

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FILM REVIEWS

written by anthony morris

The Guilt Trip As a salesman, Andy Brewster (Seth Rogen) makes a great scientist. Having invented a cleaning product that almost sells itself – it’s all-natural, totally safe and cleans amazingly well – he’s stumbling at the last hurdle thanks to a clumsy pitch that involves a coconut, a small palm tree, a bottle of soy sauce and a fair amount of confusion. Fortunately he still has the support of his New Jerseybased mother, Joyce (Barbara Streisand); unfortunately she’s overbearing, clingy, and slow to take a hint. Still, they do love each other and she seems kind of lonely since her husband died… twenty-odd years ago… so when she spills a secret about her first true love he promptly tracks her first boyfriend down to San Francisco then somewhat warily invites her alone on his cross-country sales trip. This is basically a two-hander between Streisand and Rogen – other actors turn up, but never for more than a scene – and the chemistry between them goes a long way towards making this otherwise fairly slight film work. It’s rarely laugh-out-loud funny, but the fact it keeps the characters within the plausible bounds of their comedy types gives it a low-level charm that again, isn’t a bad thing. There are no surprises whatsoever here story-wise, but despite the plot developments all being completely predictable it’s hard not to be glad to see the pair of them achieve their goals. The generally gentle tone here suggests this is more for Streisand fans than Rogen ones and it’s hardly going to top the resume of either, but as a film that aims to be little more than a pleasant way to pass ninety minutes this hits the target dead on.

The Impossible

Django Unchained It’d be a mistake to call this Quentin Tarantino’s first Spaghetti Western. It might be the first time he’s busted out the horses and the big hats, but he’s been riffing on the genre’s fondness for tense pre-gunplay standoffs, convoluted plots and long run times since as far back as Pulp Fiction. Django (which takes its name and awesome opening music from a series of 60s Italian westerns – keep an eye out for a cameo from Franco Nero, who was Django in the original) isn’t even set in the West: while ex-slave Django (Jamie Foxx) might be freed from his chains by courtly German killer Dr Schultz (Christoph Waltz) in Texas, and Schultz later on goes on to teach him the bounty hunting trade in the traditional Spaghetti Western deserts and mountains, all the real action takes place in the deep south. First Django and Schultz track down a bunch of murdering brothers working on the plantation of one Big Daddy (Don Johnson), then they try to reclaim Django’s wife Boomhilda (Kerry Washington) from Mississippi plantation owner Calvin Candie (Leonardo diCaprio) and his right hand man Stephen (an excellent Samuel L Jackson). Tarantino likes a chat but no-one writes dialogue like he does and the long talky scenes (a quarter of the film seemingly takes place around a dinner table) are balanced out by moments of sharp action. No-one working in American film today is as good as Tarantino when it comes to shifting the mood of a film, and while he’s happy showing the western gun play as over-thetop and cartoony (so much spurting blood!), when it comes to the real horrors of slavery he plays it deadly straight and doesn’t flinch. It’s probably too long – the final half-hour, while fitting perfectly into the traditional plot structure of the Spaghetti Western right back to A Fistful of Dollars, deflates things a little – but when the ride is as exciting as this one is, too long only means there’s more to enjoy.

Maria (Naomi Watts) and Henry Bennett (Ewan McGregor) are on holiday in Thailand with their three sons when a tsunami hits. It’s December 26, 2004, and their coastal resort is all but destroyed when the wave hits. Maria and their oldest son Lucas (Tom Holland) are swept away, flushed along with tons of debris over the remains of towns and farms in a nightmare of muddy water and lethal wreckage. And when the water initially subsides, they’re left in a devastated landscape with no idea of where they are or how to find help – help, it quickly becomes clear, that Maria desperately needs.

Based on a true story, this is a film that some may have a hard time with: it’s about a disaster that claimed tens of thousands of Thai lives, but the focus is firmly on a white family throughout, with the locals kept entirely to background roles. Slightly more surprising, it’s the true story of a Spanish family, but for reasons related to funding here we get the very un-Spanish McGregor and Watts (both of whom do an excellent job in roles that largely require them to either be on holiday or look utterly exhausted). Neither of these points are fatal to the film – it’s unapologetically about one family’s experience of a natural disaster, and we see everything through their eyes – but it does take the edge off the accuracy the film is clearly striving for in it’s depiction of the tsunami and its aftermath. In case you were ever wondering, a tsunami is not something you want to get caught up in, and the scenes where it sweeps through are horrifying stuff. The aftermath isn’t much better, with shattered survivors staggering around while the hospital system it stretched to breaking point. It’s first class film making and the tsunami sequences are undeniably impressive, but it’s still basically the most terrifying “what we did on our holidays” essay ever, with little to offer viewers past “well, this happened”. Even if you are a big fan of real life tales of tragedy, after seeing the horrors here, you’ll never want to leave home again.

Compliance It’s just another day at a small fast food restaurant – well, not quite just another day, as a mistake the night before has led to over a thousand dollars worth of food spoiling, putting manager Sandra (Ann Dowd) under the gun. Then there’s rumours of a secret quality control check taking place, and a staff that generally doesn’t respect her, and a fiancé who hasn’t popped the question yet, and so when she gets a call from someone claiming to be a police officer saying that a young blonde member of staff stole money from a customer’s purse, she just figures it’s just one more drama to deal with. Young and blonde sounds like Becky (Dreama Walker), who denies everything – but she wouldn’t wouldn’t she? The cop on the phone says they’re swamped right now so if Sandra could search Becky’s bag that be a big help. No money? Okay, Sandra’s going to have to strip search her then. And things only get worse from there. Simply but efficiently told and with a spot-on performance from Dowd as a downtrodden manager with more responsibilities than power, this is a tight little drama that gets more shocking as it goes along. If there’s a problem here, it’s that despite being a true story it feels so unlikely that people would go along with orders from a voice on a phone to this extent that it can be hard to swallow - and if you investigate the events yourself online, you’ll spoil the film, as it’s basically just a straight re-telling of what took place. It’s not its fault it tells a story that’s hard to believe, and there’s not a lot more it could do to convince viewers it really happened (again, it did). It just means you have to go into this compelling, jaw-dropping film ready to believe that – for once – “based on a true story” means exactly that.

Zero Dark Thirty A woman in a business suit enters a shed where a man is chained up. Revulsion and horror crosses her face as the man she’s with explains to the chained up man what will happen if he doesn’t provide them with information, and then proceeds to do exactly what he said he would. Zero Dark Thirty isn’t a film that spells out that torture is wrong; it trusts that the audience has it’s own opinions on it, and that whether you think it’s a horror or a necessary evil – and if you think that latter then this film won’t be happy viewing for you, because the best case scenario you can take away from it is that the threat of torture might possibly make people who were already likely to talk likely to talk – you can’t really deny that being a torturer does bad things to a person. Even this is expressed in glimpses, as the story pushes forward with the same determination as is shown by the characters in it: this is a story about the hunt for Osama Bin Laden, and while CIA agent Maya (Jessica Chastain) is the lens through which we see this hunt, characters almost as important drift in and out of the story based on whims of career or chance. On one level then it’s an extremely well done and intelligent police procedural, following Maya as she tries to piece together a way to find the location of Bin Laden, first through torture in the early 2000s, then via bribery and groundwork as torture is removed from the toolbox. Al Qaeda is shown as a present threat, racking up kills from terrorist acts while the search goes in circles, keeping the tension high throughout long frustrating years of no results – and then when things do finally lock into place the final half hour or so becomes a depiction of the SEAL team’s assault on Bin Laden’s compound (with Joel Edgerton as one of the team leaders). It’s a largely dry and passionless story, Maya’s frustration with what she sees as stonewalling superiors aside, but it’s riveting viewing and a masterpiece of storytelling from start to finish. There’s a human side to all of it too: Maya might be as tough as nails and gets the job done, but turning yourself into that person comes at a cost too.

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F ILM WR AP

This Is 40: No it’s

not – not unless you’re very well-off, are terrible with money, argue a lot with your spouse and aren’t really all that funny.

And you run for over two hours, which seems kind of long for a film whose moral is “relationships are hard”.

Gangster Squad: No, not a squad of gangsters; this rip-roaring tale of

mobsters and the tough guy cops who take them down in 50s LA is pretty generic stuff, but there’s a slick charm to it that makes it (kind of) work.

Hitchcock: This

look at the making of Psycho isn’t exactly historically accurate, but there’s enough film-making fun here to make the clunky plot and dubious “insights” into Hitch’s psyche almost bareable.

Jack Reacher: Tom Cruise is the titular ass-kicker trying to figure out why an exmilitary sniper was framed for the death of five people… when he’s not beating up various local thugs and racing around in muscle cars.

Wreck-It Ralph:

When a videogame bad guy gets sick of being treated like a villain, he leaves his machine behind for the wider gaming world

in Disney’s fun and funny salute to arcade gaming. Plus the usual Disney virtues, though at least here the “Disney princess” stuff is kicked to the curb.

Life of Pi: While

shipping an Indian zoo to Canada the cargo ship sinks in a storm, leaving an Indian teenager and a tiger sharing a lifeboat. As you might expect, they don’t have a whole lot in common.

MUSIC REVIEWS

eps, albums & live reviews

Florence & The Machine

Lowrider

Esther Holt

Mojo Juju

Ceremonials (Australian Limited Edition)

Black Stones

Countless Verse

Self Titled

Illusive

Independent

Universal

Adelaide four-piece soul outfit, Lowrider are back with their latest LP, Black Stones. I can’t help but think that soul is a genre that does not get enough mainstream love, and Lowrider’s unique blend of rock and soul is a great jumping off point for someone trying to get into the genre. From the lead single, ‘Days of Boredom’, which denounces the Facebook- and Twitter-centric life, to the closing track, the eponymous ‘Black Stones’, it’s lyrically great. ‘Golden Sun’ has an indie feel to it, the keys are pretty central across the chorus, and it adds something special to the song. The vocals in ‘Bet On A Miracle’ are to die for, and they rightfully take centre stage throughout the song. The keys, drums and again, vocals, blend fantastically in ‘This City’, which is probably the highlight of the record. I can’t help but think with its huge opening, ‘And I Wonder’ might have been better at the start of the album, the hook would have made you listen to the whole album. I could go on for days preaching about this record, but I only get so many words. Buy it, tell your friends to buy it, and let’s get something different onto the charts. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

You’d be forgiven for never having heard of Esther Holt, you may know her better as the front-woman of the now-defunct indie-folk outfit Snowy Belfast.

Countless Verse is her solo debut, and if it’s an indication of what’s to come, this EP is just the beginning of a great career.The title track captures you with that feeling of familiarity, a tune you know you’ve heard, but can’t just place it. ‘Testify’ does the same, continuing the simple piano work, coupled with Esther’s beautiful voice.

‘Rock Me Through The Night’ is the highlight of the EP, it brings drums and guitar into the mix, and this is where the record really comes into its own, not relying on deja vu to trap you. Every time ‘What You Know’ begins, I think it’s actually Kenny Loggins’ ‘Footloose’, as the beat is identical. The song is, thankfully, entirely different in all the right ways. Rounding out the record is ‘Eadie’, which brings back the girl-and-her-piano vibe from the start of the EP, but in its own original way. Worth picking up at a live show, a good start to a solo career. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Mojo Juju is not your average artist. She’s not just another jazz-influenced singer, she doesn’t just have a bit of a rockabilly background. She is completely unadulterated jazz and blues. Her sound is fantastic, and wouldn’t feel out of place eighty years ago, it has this kind of prohibitionera feel to it. At other times it’s fast-paced, trumpet and drum laden jazz, there are traces of Mojo’s ska past, but then later it’s something else completely. Her voice makes her sound like Tom Waits and Billie Holiday’s love-child (I could totally see Tom Waits as a time-traveller, in fact, he’s got my vote as the Twelfth Doctor).

Her lyrics are stories from her life, they’re clever, they’re powerful and they’re raw. ‘Sweet Tsunami Symphony’ has this great guitar riff working through it, underneath the trumpet and drums, but it’s her story that captures you. ‘Brother Where Have You Been’ has an almost rockabilly beat, and is good fun if you don’t focus on the lyrics too much. Honestly, I think this album would be a great pick up for anyone, especially if you’re like me and always meaning to listen to more jazz. It’s not quite like the old classic stuff, but in so many ways it’s even better. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Island If you haven’t heard at least one song from this album in the past year, then I’ve got some bad news for you: you’ve been dead since October 2011, and no-one’s had the heart to tell you. There’s some good news though - just listen to this album, and it could probably restore you to life. That’s how amazing Florence is.

But I’m not here to talk about what was probably the best release of 2011, or how ‘Shake It Out’ deserved to be much higher in the Hottest 100 than it was.

I’m here to talk about the exclusive bonus disc in this Limited Edition release. It contains two remixes, including Calvin Harris’ remix of ‘Spectrum’, a cover of Drake’s ‘Take Care’, a new track called ‘Breath of Life’, four live tracks from the Sydney show from her last tour and two from Stockholm. ‘Breath of Life’ has the epic drums you’d expect from a Florence song, her voice is heaven and... the song just doesn’t quite have that grab factor. No wonder it didn’t make the original release. ‘Take Care’ is a huge turn from Flo’s usual sound, but it kind of works. The remixes are... remixes. Electronic isn’t my thing, so I thought they just took away from the original. The live tracks are, naturally, amazing, but they pale in comparison to actually being there. Probably not worth shelling out extra for the Limited Edition, but you should definitely pick up a copy of the one-disc edition, if you haven’t already. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

FREE CLASSIFIEDS SEND INFO TO: editorial@fortemag.com.au or p.o. box 1388, geelong 3220 or fax 5229 0318 | FOR INDIVIDUAL USE ONLY | NOT FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES Experienced Lead Guitarist Wanted. Top 40 Coverband. 70s 80s 90s and current. Based in Geelong.

Must have commitment. Please Call Mark on 0438 836 469 or email at pudge_gypsy33@hotmail.com Singer wanted for acoustic covers duo. Must like 90’s British bands and not into songs your “normal” covers bands play. Think Oasis, Morrissey & The Smiths, Libertines, Pulp, Blur, Verve, and similar Aussie & American groups. Nothing serious to start with but possible gigging if we sound great! Age no barrier and male / female encouraged to contact. Contact Liam: britpopcovers@gmail.com or 0430904407

Pete Murray

The Josh Dance Chapter

Blue Sky Blue: The Byron Sessions

It’s The Same For Lots of People

Sony

Independent

Rewind to 2003, Pete Murray was everywhere; you couldn’t walk into a shop without hearing ‘So Beautiful’ on the radio, his breakout album, Feeler went six times platinum. 2005, the follow-up, See The Sun went four times platinum, and you couldn’t escape ‘Better Days’ or ‘Opportunity’. And then...

Summer At Eureka “only” went platinum once, and Pete Murray disappeared from the Australian consciousness, at least as a current artist. For instance, did you know he released an album in 2011 called Blue Sky Blue? You’d be forgiven, of course, it only just reached Gold certification, which is a shame, because it’s a fantastic record.

So good, in fact, that Pete has decided to revisit it as an acoustic release, and he’s brought some friends along for the ride. The title track, ‘Blue Sky Blue’, is only improved by the voice of Fantine, a newcomer to the music scene. The two highlights of the album are, coincidentally, the two songs featuring former members of Powderfinger.

‘Led’ features frontman Bernard Fanning, and is a great, stripped-back number, right up until Bernard joins Pete on the chorus, and takes it up a notch. ‘H.O.L.L.A.N.D’ features Powderfinger’s former lead guitarist, Darren Middleton, and he shows why he’s one of the top guitarists in the country. All in all, I suggest you buy it, especially if you’re one of the 300,000 people who loved Pete Murray in 2003, and didn’t pick this album up the first time around. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

The Josh Dance Chapter is a three-piece bluesrock outfit from Geelong, and this is their debut EP. With its simple cover and liner notes, which look like they were done by someone with a Sharpie at the last moment, at first glance, this CD screams “unprofessional”, but it’s this homemade feeling that adds some charm to the record. Opening track, ‘A Good Life’, shows off the talent of Josh Dance, on both vocals and guitar, with a decidedly rock sound, with just enough harmonica to maintain their blues label. Unfortunately, the lyrics are somewhat uninspired in places, which really takes away from the quality of not only this song, but those that follow. ‘The Bunyip Boogie’ follows, the pace quickens, and this feels more like a real bluesrock song, the lyrics are much better on this track than the others, in fact, this song is probably the best on the EP. The third track, ‘Adrift’ slows us back down again, and it feels like early nineties Australian rock, with shades of, among others, The Screaming Jets’ slower works. ‘Early Train’ again has a nineties vibe to it, however again the lyrics let down what is clearly a group of very talented artists. Worth picking up to support local music, because it sounds great if you’re not really listening to the words. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Band Members Wanted: Looking for band members between the ages of 16-19 years of age for pop group.Looking for bass guitar, electric guitar, vocals and synth player.

If interested, please contact 0417575237.

Hard Rock Covers Band with experienced, solid, bass player and drummer team requires guitarist with skill, awesome sound, and decent equipment. We have full rehearsal live room, pro gear, and all recording equipment. Project will involve gigging, recording, and working on original material as well as edgy covers. Age no barrier, but must be directable team player and have own transport. Carlos: 0409493521

rock band. Experienced players required.Ph: Craig 0404054045 or email transform_pt@yahoo.com.au Singer/songwriter looking for musicians to perform at festivals and venues drummer, bass player, guitarist & key boards player must be 40 years + must be experienced and professional please phone or email david 0417661299 davidwatson62@y7mail.com Bass Player Wanted Or Guitarist to share Bass playing. We are a Friendly Bunch of 40 YO Boys who love our music and do 70’s rock and some originals. No pressure just dedications. Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, ACDC, Bad CompanyStyle of Music..Please contact John: 0408179916 For Sale: Cort EVL-Z4 Electric Guitar. Great guitar for the beginner/intermediate player who wants more bang for their buck! Fitted with two EMG humbuckers and set up with super low action. Great for hard rock, metal and punk! Selling for $350 but open for negotiations: email at liam-guitar@hotmail.com

Wanted: Male Vocalist, Two Guitarists Lead/ Rythm,Keyboard,Drummer to form an Original Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Band,Kevin Phone 03/52757689, Email linnums@optusnet.com.au Vocalist Wanted: Rock/alternative band, currently consisting of guitar, bass, drums. In search of a clean vocalist preferably with experience.

Influences: Tool, A Perfect Circle, Karnivool, 12 stones, Godsmack, etc. Contact Dean 0431067758 Singer For Rock Covers Band Needed.

New project that will incorporate some originals. We have large acoustically enhanced rehearsal room inc. P.A and all recording equipment. Project will involve live gigs/shows, recording, and working on orginal material. Age no barrier, but must be team player with own equip and transport. Covering rock/ pop/grunge/hair-band/glam. You will be working with experienced team. Carlos: 0409 493521 Photographer Wanted for band photos.

Semni-professional ok. Call Josh 0430971319 Wanted, 40+ y.o. Muso’s to form a fun Rock Band. Bass, Drummer, Lead Guitar, Keyboards or other welcome. To play Classic Rock from the 70’s onwards. Call or Text Nick on 0408 359 821.

Geelong Vocalist Looking for guitarist, bass and drummer to form contemporary blues/

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grogwatch Ahh, New Year’s Eve: that one magical night of the year where I get to sit around for hours on my own asking myself whether I’d rather be a murderer or a murder victim and never really decide one way or the other. Because when you get down to it, that’s what New Year’s Eve is really all about, isn’t it? Oh wait, sorry; I forgot to detail my thrill-packed adventures in New Year’s Eve last issue (due to having to write this column before I’d actually had them), and ever since I’ve had people asking me what I got up to because it must have been soooo exciting, right? I’m not sure why they always walked away laughing before I could answer them, but anyway, we all know what New Year’s Eve is really about: Murderous rage at the people who’ve done you wrong over the last year swiftly followed by crushing depression at how little you’ve achieved with your life over the past year followed just as quickly by the realisation that you might have actually achieved something if you hadn’t been metaphorically or literally cock-blocked by that tool at work and we’re back to murderous rage once again. Sure, it’s a see-saw we all ride over the course of the year, but on New Year’s Eve a year’s worth of disgust and self-loathing gets boiled down into a few hours of whiplash emotions that leave you staggering around the place like a lunatic - well, maybe it’s the booze that leads to the staggering, in my case it’s hard to tell. And stone the flaming crows, was there a shitload of booze involved in my New Year’s Eve or what? (correct answer: hell yeah). See, I’d bought a couple bottles of vodka especially for the night back when I’d foolishly thought I’d actually be going somewhere and doing something on NYE, so when I ended up sitting around my place on my own on the very special night not only did I have my regular booze supplies around to get me loaded but there was those extra bottles (seriously, I still can’t believe Dan Murphy’s is still selling that 50% alcohol content vodka). Trust me, it did not go to waste. Okay, maybe it did, I can’t really

remember where a lot of the booze in the house ended up but I’m fairly sure I didn’t drink it all, because going by the amount of empties around the place the next afternoon, if I had I’d be dead.

This is probably as good a time as any to preempt some of the angry hate mail I’ll be getting from the various people I know and used to call friends who’re already putting finger to keyboard to remind me that I CHOSE to spend NYE alone because they asked me to various events on the big night which I totally failed to turn up to. And I admit it: people did ask me to go to various parties on the night. Parties that involved little freakin’ kids! That’s right, you heard me: even after last year’s disaster (where what was meant to be a full-on NYE booze-up turned out to be “let’s watch the fireworks with the kids… at 9pm… then go to bed”) people asked me to go to NYE parties where little kids were going to be running around playing with toys, refusing to have a bath, asking to be read a story, and whatever other crap it is that kids expect adults to do for them these days.

Shit man, I’m well over six foot tall: I have enough trouble not tripping over little kids at the best of times, you put a bunch of them around my feet on New Year’s Eve and someone’s much-loved offspring is going to be used to cushion my fall.

Plus call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s kinda creepy getting drunk around little kids... mostly because they keep wanting a sip of whatever it is you’re drinking and underage or not, I don’t give out free booze to anyone. Plus they always want to talk to you and show you their pictures of stuff and that’s the kind of behaviour I only tolerate from my television set, thank you very much. At least with a television there’s a chance I’ll catch a show about Nazis.

So that’s family friendly drinking ruled out; what about my child-free friends, huh? Oh, where to begin with my whingeing and complaining there.

First off, they’re all in Melbourne, which never used to be a problem but thanks to various relationship re-arrangements over the years we’re now at a stage where my usual places to crash - you do know I live in Geelong, right? - have dried up.

Fun fact about Melbourne: if you’re a drunk who

Why can’t we challenge life?

(And no, this column isn’t as deep as it sounds).

takes public transport everywhere and you’re not already where you’re going to crash, it’s easier to return to Geelong than it is to crash in Melbourne.

The last train to G-Town leaves roughly around the same time as the last trains and trams to anywhere else, so why not take that hour-long trip and pass out in your own bed? So usually the lack of handy places to pass out in Melbourne isn’t really a problem, but if you seriously think I’m going to take public transport anywhere on New Years Eve you need to take a look in the mirror because I’m guessing you have a very large and somewhat pointy object rammed into your skull.

My number one goal when it comes to New Year’s Eve activities is to be stumbling, staggering mumbling drunk by the stroke of midnight: that’s not exactly a state conductive to safe travel on our public transport network at the best of times. Plus the last train back to Geelong from Melbourne left at 1am. Seriously, what the f**k?

Unless you’re drinking on the steps of Spencer Street Station that means your conversation on the stroke of midnight sounds exactly like this: “Happy New year - I gotta jump on a tram”. Again, kinda defeats the purpose.

And just to make things even more annoying, while I had one friend in Melbourne perfectly happy for me to crash at her tram-accessible place, she was going to be out the whole night so I’d have to amuse myself elsewhere before retiring to her place and remember, drunken trip on public transport equals not a good thing. A second Melbourne friend was having a party at his place but I couldn’t crash there so we’re back to the drunk public transport problem once again.

And everyone else was basically just wandering around going to everyone else’s parties, which was no damn good to me. You wanna know why people get into relationships? It’s because that way you’ve got someone who will either drive you home when you get drunk or stay at home with you so you can both get drunk together. That’s it, end of story. And being single, that pretty much was the end of my New Year’s Eve story: unless I wanted to travel around for an hour on New Year’s Eve public transport or spend my evening trying not to vomit on small children, I was spending New Year’s Eve solo yet again.

say it was the wrong decision. I could have gone out to a party and been all sociable, but where does that get you? Being rolled up in a plastic kitchen mat and left on the front lawn while they hose the spew off you if the last NYE party I went to is any guide.

And what’s the point of talking to people anyway? Either they constantly expect you to talk back when your mouth is already busy sucking down booze or they act all offended when you booze burp in their face. And who wants to be a drunk at a party anyway when you can be a drunk in the comfort of your own home? Being drunk at a party means you’re surrounded by strangers - any one of which could turn out to be one of those sober losers who don’t like you trying to eat their ears when you get hungry - plus you can’t just crash in front of the TV, plus you’re expected to move around occasionally, plus there’s other people wanting to go to the toilet when you’re in their spewing, plus you just know everyone’s judging you and who the hell do they think they are that they’re so special just because they’re actually having fun talking to other people while you’re hunched over in the corner crying into a bottle of Grunters Wipeout because you’re just so very very alone and there’s just this massive ache in your chest that won’t go away no matter how much alcohol your pour into it and what the hell are you looking at anyway, just piss off and leave me alone goddammit, can’t you see I’m trying to have a quiet drink over here. I cannot wait for Valentine’s Day, let me tell you.

Tony “Well, it was that or spend New Year’s Eve updating my Facebook status” Montana

Now, I don’t want your pity - not this early in the year at least. I’m a grown man, and I made my decision to be a complete loser with my eyes wide open. Well, they were open until about 8pm, then I seemed to be keeping them closed a fair bit as I stumbled around the house, the back yard, the front yard, the street, and eventually the local primary school. And in all honestly, I can’t

You know in tennis when a player can challenge a call by the umpire if they think a wrong decision was made? And then a technical little camera thingy zooms in on the ball to find out the 100% truth? Well I wish there was such a things as a ‘life challenge’.

For example, if I go to get my morning coffee and pay with a $20 and get given change for $10 and I argue that the cashier owes me money but she disagrees, I could just yell ‘Challenge!’ and a technical little camera thingy will appear out of nowhere and solve the mystery! How amazing would that be?

Imagine if I was having an argument with a co-worker and I say ‘I think you’re being a dick’ and he/she says ‘no I’m not’ and then I yell ‘Challenge’ and then it’s confirmed that he/she is in fact, being a dick. That would be swell.

Clearly in life (Oh God is she getting deep now?) 100% certainty can never be guaranteed, you can’t always prove what you believe to be true. I think this handy little tool could be an advantage to many.

Think of all the drama and on-going shit we could solve so much quicker. I mean, I wouldn’t be sitting here right now watching Oprah interview Lance Armstrong about all that doping caper. (And that would be great because I don’t know how much more ‘but I didn’t really think I was cheating’ I can put up with).

I think I’m onto something. Advantage Steph!

Peace

what the eff?

By Steph

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