Forte #555

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SONIC ANIMATION

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third chapter

ballarat // bendigo // geelong // surfcoast // warrnambool // werribee

will sparks

home, not so sweet home

issue 555 // 21 MAR 2013 // next issue: 4 APR



EVERY SECOND SATURDAY LIVE ON THE

MAIN

STAGE PLUS YOUR EUREKA RESIDENTS

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JO CKS Cheer leaders feat.

KATT NIALL THURS MARCH 21ST

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DEAKIN COMMERCE STUDENTS’ SOCIETY (DCSS) AND EUREKA HOTEL PRESENT

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EUREKA HOTEL | 98 LITTLE MALOP STREET, GEELONG 3220 | (03) 5229 5266 | OPEN WEDNESDAY – SATURDAY For function & VIP Room enquiries please mail our Functions Co-ordinator Kim on kim@eurekahotel.com.au or go to www.eurekahotel.com.au for more details


EVERY SATURDAY

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DIDIER C0HEN R0B PIX PEKING DUK WILL SPARKS J0EL FLETCHER JAMES FAVA HEATH RENATA Z00LANDA MIKE METR0 J HEASY WWW.CHINESEWHISPERS.TV CNR SH0RTS PLACE, GEETR0IT 3220

0PEN TILL 5A M



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A WORD FROM THE TEAM

FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard

Dear Readers, Easter is upon us and you’ve just gotta’ love a long weekend, don’t you? Just like clean sheets, good coffee, new-car smell, and free stuff. They’re few and far between, but when they arrive they’re brilliant. Hopefully you’re all back in a good place after venturing to Golden Plains, Port Fairy Folky and Future and are ready to get back out on the town and see one of these great acts in the coming weeks Sonic Animation & Endless Boogie playing gigs in Geelong, Macondo Blowout if you’re down the Coast and the wonderful Deborah Conway if you are hanging about Castlemaine. There are also plenty of charitable things to put your pennies towards this Easter, combine good will with good entertainment by getting down to the Black Hatt this Good Friday and partake in their very Good Friday appeal fundraiser. Sounds good, yeah? We hope the eggs arrive to you safely and that there is plenty of them. Forte.

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general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara luke@fortemag.com.au ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR....Bec McIntyre bec@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................James Dulce David DiCristoforo SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Sarah Gross April Grenfell ADVERTISING ......................Anton Ballard aballard@fortemag.com.au

Marc Wilkins marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

CONTRIBUTORS................... Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana PRINTED BY......................... RURAL PRESS PRINTING (VIC) BALLARAT 30-32 Grandlee Drive, Wendouree ADVERTISERS AND AGENTS ARE ADVISED THAT ALL ADVERTISING COPY IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY UNDER THE TRADE PRACTICES ACT. ADVERTISEMENTS ARE PUBLISHED IN GOOD FAITH AND ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE CONTENT IS LEGITIMATE AND LAWFUL. ADVERTISERS AND OR AGENTS SUBMIT ADVERTISEMENTS AT THEIR OWN RISK. THE EDITOR AND CREATORS HOLD NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE CONTENT OF THE MAGAZINE IN THE CASE THAT IT MAY OFFEND. FORTE ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ERRORS OR OMISSIONS. FORTE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL ARTICLES AND LETTERS.


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THE STAFF AND MANAGEMENT AT TWO SUGARS WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND WISH YOU A SAFE AND HAPPY EASTER. WE WILL BE OPEN : GOOD FRIDAY EASTER SATURDAY EASTER SUNDAY

7:00AM TO LATE 7:00AM TO LATE 7:00AM TO LATE

MONDAY

7:00AM TO 5:00PM

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 cuda bar Playing at

Easter Saturday - 82 Mountjoy Pde Lorne

ALBARE iTD on tour with LONG WAY

“He sounds like a positive blend of the late Wes Montgomery and an early George Benson. Airy and light melodic improvisations and the themes reflect an inner harmony of boundless grace.” Jazzpodium (Germany) Aug-Sept. 2012 Records presents

www.albare.info www.gpac.org.au

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Saturday April 13th The Drama Theatre, GPAC


the HIGHLIGHTS

THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours The Highlights: We heard it through the grapevine. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Obese Records gets Fatter Aussie hip hop wouldn’t be where it is today without Obese Records. Established in 1995, Australia’s first hip hop label was originally named OB’s. In 2002 it was taken over and renamed by Tirren Staaf (Pegz) and has done more for championing Aussie hip hop than arguably anyone. The exciting news is that a new Obese Records store has opened at 6 Wells Street, Frankston and will stock all the coolest hip hop gear you’re after. Hit obeserecords.com for more. .........................................................................

Congratulations Hermitude Belated congratulations to Hermitude for recently taking out the 8th Australian Music Prize (AMP). The announcement was made at the Amped Up in Conversation event on March 7. The Blue Mountain’s pair has already impressed many with their album HyperParadise but such prestigious recognition has got to have left them feeling pretty good. From around 300 albums the shortlist was whittled down to nine. .........................................................................

Supafest 2013 Supafest was not without its share of drama in 2012 and all is hoping that 2013 runs a little smoother. As far as a line-up goes they have come up with the goods. 50 Cent, Ti, Ne-Yo, Akon, J. Cole, Waka Flocka, Young Jeezy, Mindless Behaviour, DJ Unk, Kevin McCall, DJ Nino Brown, Dizzy Doolan and Phinesse will all perform. Flemington Racecourse - April 27. Tickets available now through Ticketek and Supafest.com.au. .........................................................................

Wave to Alt-J University: a place of higher learning, of lifelong friendships being formed, of life lessons and, most importantly, music. While studying at Leeds University in 2007, Gwil Sainsbury, Joe Newman, Gus UngerHamilton and Thom Green formed Alt-J. Well actually, they formed ∆ but Alt-J is easier. 2012 saw the release of the British indie rockers’ debut album, An Awesome Wave. Festival Hall - July 30. .........................................................................

New Kid Cudi Scott Ramon Seguro Mescudi, best known in hip hop circles as Kid Cudi, will release his new album Indicud

REST

AURA N

in April. His third release, Indicud will feature singles ‘Just What I Am’, ‘King Wizard’ and ‘Immortal’. Immortal, as you may know, samples MGMT’s ‘Congratulations’. Speaking to Billboard about the release Mescudi says that each song on the album “is like a chapter of my diary.” .........................................................................

Frank Ferdinand #4 Glaswegian four-piece Franz Ferdinand are set to release their fourth album later in the year and an intimate crowd in home city venue Nice’N’Sleazy recently got a taste of what to expect with the band ripping through seven newies. New songs performed included ‘Trees & Animals’, ‘Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action’ and ‘Fresh Strawberries’. The forty-minute set marked the first time the band had played the venue in ten years. .........................................................................

The Bard, Josh Whedon Many came to love Josh Whedon via Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. He won more fans with movies including Cabin in the Woods and The Avengers. Now he has a new movie, an adaptation of Much Ado About Nothing. Shot on a shoestring budget at Whedon’s home, the film stars familiar faces including Amy Acker, Alexis Denisof and Nathan Fillion, all of whom appeared in his TV shows. .........................................................................

Raise Your Hands for Bon Jovi Well, Bon Jovi will be heading back this way at year’s end and some sweet front row seats are up for grabs. The tour takes in their new album What About Now and it is this album that could score you a double front row pass. All you have to do is hit up getmusic.com.au, pick up a copy of the album and tell ‘em in 25 words or fewer what your favourite Bon Jovi album is and why. You could get so close you’ll feel his glorious sweat. .........................................................................

Wu-Tang Begin Work It looks as though Wu-Tang clan are indeed working on new material. Early this month Method Mad said they were working on a new release to support the 20th anniversary of their debut album Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) and in an interview with Radio.com, Cappadonna confirmed it. Speaking about the group’s relationship he said: “We’re definitely concentrating on more positivity and teachings and trying to put that back into the original recipe for this next Wu-Tang album.”

TS – BARS – ENTER TA I N M

BRITISH INDIA ARE BACK - CONTROLLER The British India boys are back! Following the success of their 2010 release, Avalanche, which debuted top 10 in the ARIA charts and went on to sell 20,000 copies, the lads have hit back with their new release Controller. Whilst the band have been keeping their fans hanging out for this one, a lot has happened since 2010. It’s been a while between drinks but its well worth the wait. After some trouble with their distro company, and a couple of other setbacks, the band converted an old shop front in Melbourne into a rehearsal studio. This new creative space has served as inspiration for creativity with the band getting together to jam there on most weekdays. In Mid 2012 the band also signed to a label for the first time in their careers - liberation Music. The result of a two and a half year period since Avalanche, is the bands 4th release Controller. Controller is an album loaded with potent drum beats, layered, exhilarating guitars, hip-shaking melodies and lyrical genius from Melia. The 10 tracks on Controller see British India in their finest most assured form to date, filled with mature confidence and resolve. The new album is out on the 22nd of March through Liberation

ENT

FACEBOOK.COM/GROVEDALEHOTEL

TWITTER.COM/GROVEDALEHOTEL

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE BRIDGE HOTEL: Duncan Graham & His Co-Accused plus Rex Watts & Mick Ahern from 8.30pm, tickets $5 (Castlemaine) GROVEDALE HOTEL: Fig Jam performing live SPHINX HOTEL: Double Vision performing live REGENT THEATRE: Diesel on the Velvet Curtain Tour (tickets available by calling 03 5330 5555) (Ballarat) THE BARWON CLUB: Naysayer with Pons & The Naxalities from 8pm, tickets $10 CITY QUARTER BAR: Tom & Tayla performing live EDGE GEELONG: Tom & Tayla performing live DRYSDALE HOTEL: DJ Burner (Drysdale) BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid THE MAX HOTEL: Moonpatrol performing live CUDA BAR: DJ Brendan Yuen (Lorne) YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Revolution Fridays featuring Genghis Can’t Swim and Kansas City Faggots ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Jimmy & The Mex

Saturday March 23 sonic animation THURSDAY MARCH 28 AT KOROVOA & FRIDAY MARCH 29 AT THE YARRA

Thursday March 21 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays CITY QUARTER BAR: Unplugged featuring 30 acts over 6 heats during 10 weeks, major prizes to be won for competition entrants, every Thursday from 7pm till 10pm CLUB TITANIUM: Uni Night BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 7pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot BRIDGE HOTEL: Janette Geri, Ruby Bergman & Jessie Storm from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Patrick James BEAV’S BAR: Dave Anderson BLACK HATT: Open Mic Night (free entry) EUREKA HOTEL: Nerds, Jocks & Cheerleaders Dress Up Party featuring

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Kate Niall, TVB, Simon One, MCK, Shorty J, Dawson, Some Deckheads & Vickers THE MAX HOTEL: #Hashtag Thursdays with DJ Sammy from 9pm till late

Friday March 22 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday BLACK HATT: Drink promos from 5pm till 7pm (free entry) Fistful of Steel performing live BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays IRISH MURPHY’S: Live music every Friday & Saturday night BEACH HOUSE: Happy 2 Hours from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) AT THE HEADS: Live music from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) CLUB TITANIUM: Live Bands upstairs, DJs downstairs BARWON HEADS HOTEL: British India on the Controller Tour, with support from Thievingbyrds (tickets available via Oztix or through the venue)

THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays IRISH MURPHY’S: Live music every Friday & Saturday night LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm CLUB TITANIUM: Party Time with guest and local DJs YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Pop Saturdays CHINESE WHISPERS: Coming up Didier Cohen, Rob Pix, Will Sparks, Joel Fletcher, James Fava, Heath Renata, J Heasy & more. Open till 5am BRIDGE HOTEL: The Resignators from 8.30pmm, tickcets $10 (Castlemaine) SPHINX HOTEL: Funhouse - The Pink Show CITY QUARTER BAR: Andy Forster performing live EDGE GEELONG: Jesse Reid performing live DIGGERS ARMS HOTEL: Mick Hardiman THE BARWON CLUB: Ten Volt Shock (Ger), DEAD, and Kids Of Zoo w/ The Underhanded, tickets $10, doors from 8pm BANNOCKBURN MOVIES IN THE BUSH: Presented by the Bannockburn Movies & Film Society Inc. playing Tarzan at Victoria Park. BYO chair/blanket, gates open from 5.30pm, entry gold coin donation, no BYO alcohol (Bannockburn) THE BLUES TRAIN: Performing live - Marisa Quigley Duo, Luke Watt, Blue Eyes Cry & Wayne Jury Three. Last minute tickets available via the Blues Train website www.bluestrain. com.au or via Ticketek. Departs Queenscliff Railway Station at 6.40pm (Queenscliff)

BEAV’S BAR: Butters EUREKA HOTEL: The Pulp performing live plus all your favourite Resident DJs, free before 11pm GROVEDALE HOTEL: Wayne Thompson HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Nick Coleman & Bobby Vena (upstairs) with DJ Half Cuts (downstairs) THE MAX HOTEL: Hey Charger performing live CUDA BAR: Testified EP Launch (Lorne) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Eric Stribley’s Party of One

Sunday March 24 SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan AT THE HEADS: Live music from 3pm till 5pm (Barwon Heads) BRIDGE HOTEL: Broderick Smith from 4pm (free) and Ten Volt Shock (Germany) and Dead from 8.30pm, tickets $12 (Castlemaine) TORQUAY HOTEL: Brian Cadd & Russell Morris performing live (Ticklets available through the venue or via Oztix) (Torquay) EDGE GEELONG: Jay & Mick (afternoon performance) plus Peter Chapman (night performance) TORQUAY BOWLS CLUB: Roll Up Sunday Session with the Sweethearts performing live. Event running from 4pm, tickets available via trybooking.com or on the door from 3.45pm (Torquay) SLEEPY HOLLOW BLUES CLUB: Sweet Felecia and The Honeytones performing live at the Geelong Trades Hall Basement at 9pm PICCADILLY MARKET: Waterside artisans market bursting with more than 80 stalls of beautiful and unique jewellery, adults and children’s clothing, homewares, gourmet food from the new licensed cafe, music and more. Deakin Waterfront Campus from 10am till 4pm GEELONG RSL: Sunday Afternoon Jazz from 5.30pm - 8.30pm BLACK HATT: Wonderland Sundays with DJ Holly J & Guests APOLLO BAY FARMER’S MARKET: Held at the Youth Club Hall on Moore Street (Apollo Bay) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Fox Road

Monday March 25 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11 LORD NELSON HOTEL: Steak/Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D

Tuesday March 26 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free) GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13


Wednesday March 27 DIGGERS ARMS HOTEL: Wednesday Night Wheel from 7pm, cash & prizes up for grabs! ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in) GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 BEAV’S BAR: Karaoke/Open Mic night with Dave Anderson RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

Thursday March 28 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays CITY QUARTER BAR: Unplugged featuring 30 acts over 6 heats during 10 weeks, major prizes to be won for competition entrants, every Thursday from 7pm till 10pm CLUB TITANIUM: Uni Night BLACK HATT: Tradies Night in the Bar from 5pm till 7pm, Open Mic from 7pm with acoustic, bands, solos & duets THE SPHINX HOTEL: Schnitzel Night from $13 THE MAX HOTEL: Parmi Night $12, InnQUIZitive Trivia from 7.30pm till 10.30pm, amazing prizes, call to book your team’s spot KAROVA LOUNGE: Sonic Animation with support from Tokyo Denmark Sweden (Tickets available from New Generation, Karova Lounge & OZtix) (Ballarat) BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Kids in the Attic with Alex and The Supertramps plus Grim House, tickets $5 BEAV’S BAR: Andy Forster BRIDGE HOTEL: Christy Gordon Smith with Peter & The Wolves, and Chris Jepcott from 8.30pm tickets $10 (Castlemaine) EUREKA HOTEL: 2nd Annual DUSA & DCSS Toga Party - Welcome to the Waterfront featuring Bombs Away GROVEDALE HOTEL: Good Faces 4 Radio

ATT: FORTE READERS! we want to know what your up to so you can be included in the fortnightly calendar! please send the details of your event to bec@fortemag.com.au please provide your gig info at least one week prior to the event to guarantee your inclusion in the calendar.

HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Andy Murphy (upstairs) with Surrender (downstairs) TORQUAY HOTEL: Sun Gold Replica with Macondo Blowout & Kinloch Troons from 9pm, tickets $10 (Torquay) YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Diafrix with Miracle & Special Guests RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

Friday March 29 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday BLACK HATT: Drink promos from 5pm till 7pm (free entry) - Open Mic Good Friday Appeal - featuring Audemia, Smack Frog Trio, Danny Zambelis, Luke Beavis & more BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays IRISH MURPHY’S: Live music every Friday & Saturday night BEACH HOUSE: Happy 2 Hours from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) AT THE HEADS: Live music from 5pm till 7pm (Barwon Heads) CLUB TITANIUM: Live Bands upstairs, DJs downstairs SPHINX HOTEL: Trojan performing live YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Good Friday Revolution - Sonic Animation with support from Tokyo Denmark Sweden, W Royston Vasie, 1 Fish 2 Fish and Bodymachine (Tickets available from OZtix)

NIGEL WEARNE SUNDAY MARCH 30 AT ODYSSEY TAVERN CITY QUARTER BAR: Matt & Justin performing live EDGE GEELONG: Matt & Justin performing live BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Bad Friday tickets $15 BEAV’S BAR: Steve Pianto BRIDGE HOTEL: Ryk’s Blue Planet & Guests from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) GPAC: Ross Noble presents Mindblender. Bookings by calling 5225 1200 or visiting gpac.org.au SPHINX HOTEL: Trojan performing live ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Imandari RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

Saturday March 30 THE LORD NELSON: Live music Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays

IRISH MURPHY’S: Live music every Friday & Saturday night LAMBY’S BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm CLUB TITANIUM: Party Time with guest and local DJs YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Pop Saturdays CHINESE WHISPERS: Coming up Didier Cohen, Rob Pix, Will Sparks, Joel Fletcher, James Fava, Heath Renata, J Heasy & more. Open till 5am CITY QUARTER BAR: Finder Keeper performing live EDGE GEELONG: Levi & Cody performing live DIGGERS ARMS HOTEL: Dave Johns BARWON CLUB HOTEL: Dress Up For Jesus, tickets $15 PIPING HOT CHICKEN SHOP: Carus

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VENUEGUIDE!

THE gateway HOTEL

THE BARKING DOG

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126 Pakington St. Geelong West

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236-258 Surfcoast Highway

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GROWLERS

BARWON CLUB

509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

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BARWON HEADS HOTEL 1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

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THE BASEMENT 159 159 Moorabool St. Geelong

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BEAVS BAR

77 Little Malop St. Geelong ....................................

THE BENDED ELBOW GEELONG

69 Yarra St. Geelong

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black hatt

54 Little Myers St. Geelong ....................................

THE BLUESTONE

FRIDAY MARCH 29TH AT GPAC

103 Marr St. Ballarat

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Bridge hotel castlemaine

21 Walker St. Castlemain

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chinese whispers Cnr. Shorts Place. Geelong

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Club TITANIUM

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

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eastern station 81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

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THE EDGE

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

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ELEPHANT AND CASTLE

158 McKillop St. Geelong

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THE EUREKA

98 Little Malop St. Geelong

SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan AT THE HEADS: Live music from 3pm till 5pm (Barwon Heads) DRYSDALE HOTEL: Cool Change (afternoon performance from 2pm) (Drysdale) GEELONG RSL: Sunday Afternoon Jazz from 5.30pm - 8.30pm BRIDGE HOTEL: Broderick Smith from 4pm (free) (Castlemaine) EUREKA HOTEL: Massive. Easter Edition featuring Ruby Rose, Will Sparks, Hey Sam, Torren Foot, Play, Matt Black & Isaac Fryar HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Rob Pix (upstairs) with Kay Z (downstairs) CUDA BAR: Salty Dog Blues Trio (Lorne) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Nigel Wearne & Jimmy & The Mex RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

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HOME HOUSE

40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong

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IRISH MURPHY'S

30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

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JACK AND JILL 247 Moorabool St. Geelong

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LAMBYS

Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

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THE MAX

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

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MR. HYDE

11 Malop St. Geelong

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THE NATIONAL HOTEL 191 Moorabool St. Geelong

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odyssey

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mount Duneed

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OPIUM BAR

Peter Lalor Hotel

96 Pakington St. Geelong West

Sunday March 31

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15 James St. Geelong

CLOUD 9

Thompson performing live (Ocean Grove) MEREDITH HARVEST FARMERS’ AND CRAFT MARKET: Farmers and craft market with quality produce, artisan wares, gourmet foods, fresh flowers and plants, live music and more. From 9am till 2pm on the Cnr of Staughton & Wilson Sts (Meredith) BEAV’S BAR: Abe Anderson BRIDGE HOTEL: Deborah Conway & Adam Yee from 8.30pm, tickets $30 (Castlemaine) EUREKA HOTEL: All Star Party (Retro/Top 40) free before 11pm HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Shameless with Prynney & Alex CUDA BAR: The Beachniks, DJ Outfit from 10pm (Lorne) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Sam Fletcher RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

23 The Esplanade. Torquay

CITY QUARTER

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FRIDAY MARCH 22 AT THE REGENT THEATRE, BALLARAT

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Cunningham Pier, Geelong

DIESEL

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

bar pizza

137 Pakington St. Geelong

ROSS NOBLE

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

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331 Mair St. Ballarat

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RUMORS

5 James St. Geelong

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SLATE Pool Lounge

50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

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THE SPHINX

2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

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TOAST

114 Moorabool St. Geelong ....................................

the wool exchange entertainment complex 44 Corio St. Geelong

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the yarra hotel 120 Lydiard St (North). Ballarat

Monday April 1 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11 LORD NELSON HOTEL: Steak/Parmi & Pot for $15 on presentation of student I.D GEELONG RSL: Members’ Draw - $3,000 worth of prizes given to financial members, free tickets are available for all current full financial members on the night from 6pm till 8pm. Draw starts at 8.30pm CUDA BAR: Soloist Josef K performing live (Lorne) RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

Tuesday April 2 ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night THE SPHINX HOTEL: 11 Meals for $11, Poker Night (free) GEELONG RSL: Steak Night $13 RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach

Wednesday April 3 DIGGERS ARMS HOTEL: Wednesday Night Wheel from 7pm, cash & prizes up for grabs! ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm THE SPHINX HOTEL: Steak Night from $16, Poker Night ($10 buy in) GEELONG RSL: Parma & Pot Night $13 BEAV’S BAR: Open Mic Night w/ Andy Forster RIP CURL PRO: Bells Beach


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Tegan & Sara By Natalie Rogers

Heading our way for the second time as part of Groovin’ the Moo, is Forte mag’s favourite sister-act Tegan and Sara - and the good news is they’ll not only be at this much-loved festival, alongside other international and local acts, they’ll also be playing a run of solo shows around the country throughout April and May, in support of their latest release Heartthrob. I chatted to Sara via a conference call just as they were winding up a tour of their home country. “We only have a handful of dates left to play in Canada before we head down to play Texas, Nevada and then California. Less than a week after that we’ll be in Australia and we can’t wait!” Sara began. “Australia is one of our favourite places to tour. We’re so much looking forward to this tour - all the venues are great [they include the Sydney Opera House and the Palais Theatre in Melbourne], but we’re also really excited for Groovin’ the Moo Festival. We had a fantastic time last time we played it.

“I remember one night after we played, one of the sites had some amusement park rides and we got to hang out and do a couple of the rides,” Sara continued. “There was one in particular that shot you straight up into the air and I remember the music, the lights and the crowd and we were literally right above everything at that moment, staring down at it all and it was very surreal. It seemed so crazy to me that that was our job - we were having so much fun. It was an amazing show and an excellent festival.” That’s quite a compliment coming from a musician who throughout her career has played some of the biggest, most revered festivals in the world - Coachella, Bonnaroo, Glastonbury, and Lollapalooza - and supported some of the world’s premier acts such as Cyndi Lauper, The Pretenders, The Killers, Jack Johnson, The Black Keys, Ben Folds and Death Cab For Cutie. “We feel like going out and supporting other bands is a great opportunity to be in front of a new audience and also to learn from bands that are more successful or who’ve had a bigger career, so it’s always an honour,” Sara says. “We’ve had these really cool opportunities to see how things work inside other bands and operations. Playing to huge audiences is always a challenge but I think it makes you stronger and more versatile and we’ve really loved it.” Since catching the eye of Neil Young’s long standing manager, Elliot Roberts, and signing to his Los Angeles-based label, Vapor Records, Tegan and Sara have released seven studio albums and toured the world constantly. “I’ve had a longer touring career than my educational career, if you will,” Sara

laughed. “You only do twelve years in school and we’ve already been touring the world for over thirteen years! It’s like I really sort of cut my teeth in adulthood on the road, so I think that we’re really good at touring and we’ve learnt how to have a normal life and be balanced and healthy, while also being on the road. Sometimes I think I’m actually less good at being at home than I am at being on the road!” Since the release of Heartthrob in January, which debuted at #3 on The Billboard charts, the sisters have been doing what they do best - touring the world. Even a nod from The Recording Academy, in the form of a Grammy nomination for the video clip of hit single ‘Closer’, couldn’t stop them. “We were over in Europe on tour, so sadly we didn’t go to the Grammys, but it’s a real honour. We’ve never been recognised before so it definitely signalled to us that we’re making inroads and that we’re starting to be more of a mainstream band and that really excites us!” With Heartthrob making waves all over the world with it fresh elements of dance-pop, electric beats, flawless harmonies and catchy hooks, Tegan and Sara have been relishing the reviews. “It is all so positive - whether it’s fans or journalists, all the conversations have been engaging and interesting, and for us it was a case of ‘let’s try to make something unexpected and exciting’. We’ve been really delighted with the response so far!“ Adding to their recent success ‘Closer’, has just been covered in an up – coming episode of cult hit Glee, cementing there place in mainstream media. “Moving forward, we’re about to do three months of touring with Fun. starting this

summer [our winter] and they’re a fantastic band – we’re really looking forward to that. We look at each opportunity and make sure it feels like the right thing and that it makes sense for us to be in front of their audience. So in the future I don’t know where we’ll end up next or who we’ll end up with, but we always keep an open mind.” So, whether you’re heading along to Groovin’ the Moo next month or would prefer to see them on their own, rest assured the twins have a special set planned. “When we prepare for a festival, we try to condense a set into what we affectionately refer to as ‘the hits’, even if none of them have been hits!” Sara jokes. “We try to pick the songs that we know will get an immediate response from people and if you haven’t heard our band before, maybe you’ll be drawn in. Then with our own shows we try to do something a little bit more dynamic and play songs from all of our albums. That way if there are people who know the whole scope of our career or our albums they can see some of the old stuff, or for people who are not as familiar they can see the high-octane new stuff in the set - that keeps everybody entertained. We definitely pay a lot of attention to the set list. And quite honestly Australia is one of our favourite places to tour. We’re looking forward to bringing over this new show and to playing the new songs.”

When&Where: May 4 - Groovin’ The Moo Festival, Bendigo *cover photo by lindsey byrnes

Live Music Thursday, Friday & all day Sunday Edge Geelong

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PEZ By Natalie Rogers

“The experience that started it all for me would have to be Falls Festival in Marion Bay about six years ago,” Sydney-based emcee Pez recalled when we asked about his most memorable festival moment. “I had only been to two, before I wrote ‘The Festival Song’ - I didn’t even know what a festival was.” Pretty ironic considering only two short years later a song on that very subject would pluck this unassuming kid from Kew out of obscurity and onto the airwaves and charts around the country. “Those three beautiful days of summer inspired me and made me realise ‘f#ck!, that’s want I want to do’ - the love and energy of that place was incredible and I thought that’s the way music should be.” We spoke just after he played a set at The Good Life Festival in Sydney, during which he was refreshingly humble, down to earth and looking to the future. “It was a really good set, I was kind of surprised. I was a bit nervous going there because I thought I might be a little bit out of place,” he admitted. “But the crowd was huge and there was just so much love there, it was just a real fun day.” The recent announcement of his first headline tour in over three years, aptly titled Back In The Game, has already created a massive buzz, and although he won’t be playing any local shows as part of this tour, rest assured you can get your Pez fix at Groovin’ the Moo Festival in Bendigo on May 4. “I have always heard that it’s such an awesome festival to be a part of and I love the fact that the

festival goes to more regional areas of the country – they’re my favourite places to play. The Groovin’ the Moo organisers are genius, they’re definitely onto a winner. Also there are some really credible acts on the bill,” he continued. “I’ll try to check out everyone over the five shows. I’m looking forward to doing a little cameo in Seth Sentry’s set or maybe he will do one in mine!” “I’m just really happy to be on that bill, particularly because I’ve only got one single from my new album out at the moment, but I’m planning to put another one out just before the tour,” Pez revealed, “and I was thinking of leaking a track off the album just for fun one of my favourites to perform, because it’s more fun when people get a chance to hear it and connect with it, before seeing it performed live.” Pez is aware of the expectations for his follow-up record after his debut A Mind Of My Own (2008) was a such a success. “My goal is to stop stuffing around, making excuses and procrastinating. I need to suck it up and finish it in the next month, but I have a tendency to nit-pick and find fault in everything. The next single is called ‘Next Life’ which features my brother – he’s a bit younger than me but he’s begun to grow into a brilliant emcee himself. There will be collaboration with Paul Kelly, who I grew up listening to. It was such a blessing to work with him. I’ll also be doing a few songs with 360 who I’ve always tried to work with - we have a real chemistry together and he brings out the more playful side of me. We just have fun; I love to make music that way. I also have a female singer on quite a few tracks - and there might be a couple of other little surprises but I can’t really talk about them because I’ll sound like a douchebag if they don’t work out!” Pez joked. “But hopefully it will, and if all goes to plan the new album will be released in August or September, and 2013 should be an exciting year for me!”

Will Sparks

“Chemical Energy” reached #10 in the electro-house Beatport charts

This week we caught up for a chat with DJ and Producer Will Sparks to find out more about his recent releases, sharing music online, and his upcoming set at Geelong’s new Chinese Whispers on April 20.

“Okay” reached #15 in the electro-house Beatport charts

You’ve built up a hefty following on Facebook of around 26k. When did things start to really take off for you and what was the catalyst? Things have really developed for me through remaining humble and I feel the fans appreciate that. Plus a massive amount of work being done in the studio, consistently releasing music that I love.

“Dope Shit” reached #16 in the electro-house Beatport charts

How long have you been DJ’ing for? I’ve been dj’ing for 2.5 years and producing for 2 years. Was there a particular club, or party that gave you your platform? Or is it just a case doing lots of sets and slowly building up a fan base? There wasn’t one particular venue so i guess playing at every single show I got booked for has helped me get to where I am. What style of music do you play during your sets? It’s a mixture of alot really... It’s hard to narrow it down to one genre, but I’d like to say I’m trying to create my own style to be honest. Tell us about your releases to date? “Ah Yeah” reached #3 in Beatport overall “Hello” reached #1 in the electro-house Beatport charts

When&Where: May 4 - Groovin’ The Moo Festival, Bendigo

“Phoenix” reached #12 in the electro-house Beatport charts

“Long Night” [remix] reached #15 in the electro-house Beatport charts

“Snapback” [remix] reached #25 in the electro-house Beatport charts What the easiest way for a DJ to get music out these days? Free releases on the net? Tell us about the process of getting electronic music out to the public these days. Soundcloud is definitely a massive portal for young artists trying to push their own sound to the world... Also, Beatport releases are what really gains. You’re coming down to play a gig at Geelong’s new club, Chinese Whispers, have you been to Geelong before? Sure have, played in geelong many times and I absolutely LOVE IT!!! Can’t wait to get back there. What have you got in store for us? Plenty of new material that I have been working on recently! Anything else you would like to add? See u all at Chinese Whispers on April 20 and stay tuned for some new releases over the next month or 2! when&where: april 20 chinese whispers, geelong

Murdena By Tex Miller

Australian Idol, Australia’s Got Talent and The Voice - What do these three shows have in common? In one aspect they can nurture a musical career and given particular acts, a foot into the music industry door. However, when given the opportunity to audition for the reality TV show whilst they triumphed at the battle of the bands at this year’s Tamworth Country music festival, the decision was simple for Hugh Maloney, lead guitarist and vocalist for the alt- country outfit. “After we finished busking at the festival, we got approached by a lady who was a talent scout for Australia’s Got Talent asking us whether we were interested in auditioning for the show. Those types of shows are great in a way, if that is the demographic that you are trying to aim your music at, but as a band we are looking at the bigger picture,” Hugh said about the spontaneous opportunity. Combining Annie Maloney on guitar, harmonica and vocals, Hugh Maloney on lead guitar, vocals, Daniel Mckoy on Drums, Ivan Blacket on Bass and Alister Turrill on lap steel, their quirky modern day twist on country, blues and roots is what is making Murdena one of the most talked about acts in the local scene. Starting out as an acoustic duo (Hugh and Annie) playing birthday parties and weddings for years, it was midway through 2012, when the band took full flight. “I started to play a lot of country music and would write little songs and bring them to Hugh to put

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When&Where: March 24 - Harvester Moon, Bellarine, March 30 - The Loft, Warrnambool, April 4 - Gertrude’s Brown Couch, Melbourne & April 14 - The Commun Na Feinne, Geelong

a riff to. That’s how the early songs began and I think that when Hugh started to sing around two years ago, we began to take our music a lot more seriously and our confidence grew. We got Alister on board a few months ago and things started to snowball from there,” Annie retells. Influenced by the likes of Merle Haggard and Johnny Cash who were pioneers of the outlaw country music scene of the 50’s and 60’s, Murdena’s country sound is most prominent in their songs ‘Burn of Gin’, ‘Headed North’ and ‘Sheena’.

All of these songs, are features of the current six track demo which the band have been giving out for free at all of their gigs. With a debut self titled EP, to be released in the upcoming months, things are as exciting as ever in Murdena.

The Door category at the 2012 Queenscliff Music Festival as well as the Battle of the Bands at Tamworth, their following is sure to grow bigger when the band heads back to the festival in late January next year.

“We’ve got the artwork done, the songs are mastered, and there is no real reason that we haven’t released it yet. We are trying to tee up a few EP launches and get our music out to as many people as possible.” Annie said about the upcoming material. From winning their Foot In

Before that though, the band is set to play at Bellarine’s own Harvester Moon this Sunday. With support from Gena Rose Bruce who won the Telstra Road to Discovery last year, this gig will showcase the future of Australia’s Country music scene, so be sure to catch them while you can!


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focus: home, not so sweet home

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How does it feel to be nominated as part of Forte’s ‘By Popular Demand’ as voted by the readers?

“Sexy.” - The Kremlings

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Talk of the Town: We’re gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Cold Hiker Dress Up for Jesus Melbourne’s Cold Hiker will be among the music souls at The Barwon Club’s Dress Up for Jesus show on March 30. Some would say the event features a Christ load of bands but that would be blasphemous. And Forte wants its readers to be saved - well the good looking ones. So, let’s just say there will be a truckload of bands including the aforementioned Cold Hiker. The hard-hitting alternative four-piece spent 2012 in the sun with bands including Custom Kings, British India and Stonefield. They also launched their debut EP to a sold out show at The Toff. In 2013 they have mixed it up a little with new single ‘Tolchocked’. The newie combines electronic looped samples with live instrumentation. So come my children and enjoy the sounds of Cold Hiker and many others. You don’t want to make Jesus angry, do you? .........................................................................

Everything is Roesy When you can include names such as Ron Sexsmith, Bert Jansch, Billy Bragg, Donovan and Shane MacGowan on your supports resume, you must be doing something right. Say hello to Roesy, the Melbourne singer-songwriter who comes to us from Birr, Ireland. In his earliest days Roesy would sing along to his father’s records while filling notebooks with sketches and words from a fertile imagination. In 2001, under the mentorship of Bernard Butler (Suede), Roesy recorded and released his debut album Sketch the Day, Paint the Night. Five albums would follow (The Spirit Store, Only Love is Real, Colour me Colourful, Fable and Roesy) before the songman moved to Australia in 2012. He has been working on his seventh album and first Australian release. The Piping Hot Chicken Shop - April 14. .........................................................................

The Snowdroppers Dress Up Sydney punksters The Snowdroppers are on the road and they’re slowly but surely making their way around the country to welcome their new album, Moving Out of Eden. Due for release tomorrow (March 22), the album features the single ‘White Dress’. Speaking about the track’s talked about video, writer and director Josh Groom says: “We wanted parts of the video to have that sinister gritty, grainy look that is often used in 1980s B-grade splatter flicks. To do so, we shot on a Canon 5D mk3 and then degraded the footage by playing the finished edit onto a VHS tape and dubbing over itself numerous times. We’ve kept the live performance footage clean so as to really pop in contrast.” You can catch the band at The Bridge, Castlemaine on April 6. .........................................................................

Come Back Dukesy & The Hazzards After having known each other for several years, members of Dukesy & The Hazzards decided to form a band that would combine the traditional side of blues with their love of groove and the freedom and improvisation of jazz and funk. They figured it was just crazy enough to work and work it has. The combo was first discovered on the release of their debut EP, a six-track number which featured five originals and a cover of The Bondi Cigars’ ‘You’re a Mystery’. A Blues Underground Network’s ‘Best Australian Album’ award and appearances at Echuca Winter Blues, Mordialloc Food, Wine and Music Festival, The Rainbow Hotel and supports for Nat Col and The Kings and Geoff Achison have done them no harm either. Their latest release is Ain’t Coming Back to You. Gold Dust Lounge, Bendigo - March 22. .........................................................................

Better off DEAD It was a good year for DEAD in 2012. They toured

all corners of Australia with Brooklyn’s Vaz and even checked in on Japan where they toured with some high calibre names. Recently the duo, which is comprised of ‘Jem’ and ‘Jace’, two music souls with a healthy affection for punk/sludge, released their second album, Idiots. Jem is also behind WeEmptyRooms. The label kicked off in 2005 and despite its size (it’s run out of a bedroom and backyard in Brunswick) it has a healthy reputation. Anyway, back to the band. They hope to head back overseas this year but in the meantime have some local shows lined up, this time with Germany’s Ten Volt Shock. The Newmarket, Bendigo - March 30 & The Bridge, Castlemaine - March 31.

In 2013 they are doing more of the same. This time, however, they are taking to the world. Shows at SXSW and Canadian Music Week will show them off to the world before they perform a host of shows around the country. Frontman Johann Beardraven has this to say: “People living in developed countries are more susceptible to shaving. They are a high risk group, so it’s important for our message to reach them before it’s too late. The message is: Grow a beard.” Theatre Royal, Castlemaine - June 14.

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If one was to play amateur psychologist, one may say that Sydney quartet Self Is A Seed equates their name to the belief each individual being is like a seed; if nurtured correctly they will flourish. But who, other than the band, is to say? The fact of the matter is, however, their music is certainly flourishing. They have supported acts including Karnivool, Helmet and Closure in Moscow while single ‘Thought of You’ and EP Gratis won kudos for re-igniting the sound of 90’s Australian rock. Setting out to provide a perfect balance of music with heart and impact, the band recently welcomed their debut full-length album, Siren. Handling the producing duties was ARIA-winning producer/engineer Anton Hagop (Powderfinger/Silverchair). The Barwon Club, Geelong - April 13.

Don’t Forget Your Nan’s Birthday Star Bar, Bendigo is your esteemed host of Nan’s Birthday, a massive music-packed Good Friday eve show. That would be March 28 if you’re not up to speed with your Easter dates. So, who awaits you? There will be the Van She DJs. There will be triple j’s Nina Las Vegas. There will be DCUP, Peking Duk, Airwolf, Yahtzel and Isaac Fryar. The Van She DJs are one half of those post-romantics Van She and operate by the mantra, ‘less horse, more pummel’. Nina Las Vegas is the triple j hostess with the mostess who has spun her magic at festivals including Splendour and the Big Day Out. DCUP is the alter ego of Duncan MacLennan, best known for his work with Yolanda Be Cool on the ridiculously monster track ‘We Speak No Americano’. So don’t forget Nan’s Birthday and don’t forget your Nan’s birthday either.

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Self Is A Seed Growing

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Sessions with Shaun Kirk Shaun Kirk is a name that seems to be becoming known to more people by the day. This could be because he is a touring workhorse. It could be because his tunes are full of blues and soul passion. It could be because people love him. More than likely it is a little of all those things. The Melbourne singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist fell into music by chance. A banged up leg put him in hospital and with time to kill he picked up the guitar. He then built up from playing boutiques bars and cafés to setting up on festival stages around the country. Recently he teamed up with Bec McNamara, a sometimes designer, sometimes filmmaker, sometimes actor for a project titled The Wick Sessions. Shot at The Wick Studios, the release is part CD, part DVD. Beav’s Bar, Geelong - April 11; Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs - April 12; Babushka, Ballarat - April 19. .........................................................................

Courthouse ARTS Welcomes Stacey Williams Every year Courthouse ARTS gives one lucky emerging curator the all too cool opportunity to take ownership of a creative space for 12 months. With that in mind, everyone meet emerging artist and graphic designer, Stacey Williams. Ms Williams, who is a recent graduate of The Gordon in Graphic Arts and will this year enrol at the Academy of Design, Melbourne, will be under the watchful eye of mentor Lisa Sullivan, Curator at The Geelong Gallery. Stacey’s contract will run until the end of 2013. Aspiring artists are free to email their exhibition proposals to Stacey at curator@ courthouse.org.au. Congratulations to you Stacey! We can’t wait to see what you have in store. And a hat’s off to predecessor Jenna Ramondo for your fine work. *Note: For anyone considering this amazing opportunity bookmark courthouse.org.au.

Not the Same Rubens Three brothers and a mate make for the perfect recipe when it comes to NSW outfit The Rubens. There is Zaac Margin. You will find him on lead guitar. There is Elliot Margin. You will find him on keys and vocals. There is Sam Margin. You will find him on guitar and vocals. And rounding things out nicely with his beats is Scott Baldwin. With so many indie rocks bands in the country you gotta be something special to stand out and thanks to their self-titled debut The Rubens are making their way to the top. Their latest single is ‘Never Be The Same’ and it is taking them around the country on their biggest jaunt yet. The Yarra Hotel, Geelong - May 12. Joining the four-piece will be Cincinnati indie rock four-piece Walk the Moon (best known for their track ‘Anna Sun’) and Melbournebased singer-songwriter Ali Barter whose debut EP is The Trip.

All the Way with Claude Hay DIY blues musician Claude Hay has kicked off 2013 in fine form. He was nominated in three categories at the 2013 Australian Blues Music Awards, ultimately taking out the gong for Best Male Vocalist. The means, according to the ABMA’s, that there is no one better. And that basically means he is really freakin’ good. DIY is a term that can be thrown around loosely but Hay is the real deal. He makes his own instruments (including ‘Betty’, a doublenecked guitar which he made out of a kitchen bench top and ‘Stella’, a Cigar Box guitar which started its life as a six-dollar baking tin), he built his own dome house and recording studio, he has pimped out his tour van and he uses looping effects to create a band vibe without the need for a band. The Piping Hot Chicken Shop - April 26.

Take the Full Tote Odds Quick bite: Statistics show that one in every five Adelaide residents is a hip hop muso. Well, that may not be the case but the city of churches could certainly be considered the home of hip hop. It has given us plenty of it including Full Tote Odds. Members of the band have been in music circles for sometime but they have found something special in FTO. Singles ‘Southern Wind’ and ‘What’s Going Down’ found a lot of love while their debut album Place Your Bets, released towards the end of 2012, has won the band deserved praise. The Karova, Ballarat - April 13.

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Show Us Ya Beards The Beards were everywhere in 2012. From town to town they roamed showing their immaculate hairenhanced faces. Women flocked to these manliest of men. Grown men who are unable to grow a beard would cry into their beer. Bearded blokes would simply nod, acknowledging respect without saying a word.

Frankenbok & Hadal Maw It is going to be a heavy-hitting paradise at the Music Man Megastore, Bendigo on March 22 with Frankenbok and Hadal Maw set to unleash the ungodly. Since 1997 Frankenbok have been doing metal proud as they have gone from town to town testing the foundations of venues with their hard-hitting sound. Their latest release is Cheers, Beers & Beards. For its release the band did a call out to fans to send in pictures of themselves dressed in their best Frankenbok gear. And with that they had their album sleeve. Hadal Saw is heavy. Damn heavy. Like a thousand tonne death metal weight dropping on your toes (and ears) heavy. The band has been in the making since 2010 but didn’t release their first songs until late last year. They are tipped as a band on the way up.

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ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee SPAN’s Suicide Walk Quick bite: The Suicide Prevention Awareness Network (SPAN) is behind a suicide walk in Bendigo on March 24. The walk, which is approximately 3km in length, is designed for those who have been affected by suicide to walk together to raise awareness of the social issue. Registration open at 9.30am in Dal Gum San Chinese district (Bridge Street). The official opening will take place at approximately 10.50am before the walk kicks off at 11am. The walk will be completed at the starting point. Entertainment and guest speakers will also be part of the day. .........................................................................

Patrick James Facing Changes Quick bite: All About to Change may be the title of the new EP from indie folkman Patrick James but things have been changing for the better since triple j fell in love with his tunes. Born and bred in Port Macquarie, Patrick has supported names including Tim Hart (Boy & Bear), Howie Day, The Paper Kites and Old Man River while last year he graced Festival of the Sun after winning a triple j Unearthed competition. The triple j win was on the back of singles ‘All About to Change’ and ‘Bright Lights’, two favourite tracks from his recently released EP. Odyssey Tavern & Brewery - March 21 .........................................................................

Faster, Louder, Massive The Island of Endless Boogie When Endless Boogie played their set at Golden Plain Sixxx, seven women were impregnated. Such is the power of their music. Those figures may be seven or so off but many reports back about the band had them at the top of the festival’s stand out music moments. Now they’re heading back for another crack and they have their third album Long Island in their back pocket. Led by Paul “Top Dollar” Major, the appropriately named band has been riffing and roughhousing since 1997. The band began as a weekly jam session with no other intention than to just play. This changed in 2001 when Pavement’s Steve Malkmus persuaded the band to open for him. Many, many shows have followed much to the delight of an adoring fan base that continues to grow in numbers. The Barwon Club, Geelong - April 4.

Quick bite: Influenced by Guns N’ Roses, AC/DC and Led Zeppelin, Melbourne rockers Massive are on a mission to make music that has the biggest balls and the hairiest chest. They want to make music that is faster. They want to make music that is louder. They want to make music that is massive. They haven’t been in the game long but they’re already living up to their name. Check out single ‘One by One’ or check them out at The Yarra Hotel, Geelong on May 3. .........................................................................

The Peep Tempel Quick bite: There was a time when The Peep Tempel was a two-piece. And while that certainly worked for them being a three-piece works even better. Formed in 2009 as a duo, a third was added in 2011 when it came time to record their debut album. The album would find the praise of The Australian who called the release “very near to rock and roll perfection” and Rolling Stone who labelled the band “frenetic rock, pointed lyrics and one of the best live shows in Melbourne.” The Bridge, Castlemaine - April 13. .........................................................................

Saskwatch Gets Lonely You wouldn’t want to hear about how Saskwatch gets lonely would you? This is a band with soul and R&B in their souls. This is a band that has graced the stages of Golden Plains and Falls Festival. This is a band that features the gorgeous vocals of Nkechi Anele. This is a band that led Beat Magazine to write: “If you’re yet to experience the sensation that is the swirling hurricane of unmitigated soul put forth by Saskwatch, then you’ve only got yourself to blame.” Surely you wouldn’t want them to feel lonely now, right? Well their new single is ‘I Get Lonely’ and it’s mighty fine. They want to play it for you on their upcoming tour. So do yourself a favour and make them feel loved. Otherwise, you’ve only got yourself to blame. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine - April 20.

Yacht Club DJs’ Guest of Honours Party starters, party crashers and party enders: mash-up duo the Yacht Club DJs attack you from three ways. The killer duo kick off their Mayhem tour tomorrow (March 22) and because more is merrier they have invited some like-minded partying folk along for the ride. First up is Step-Panther. The trio released their self-titled debut in 2011 and the following year had NME calling them one of the best new bands of 2012. They have released the EP Dreamcrusher since then so they have plenty of fresh music for you. Also doing some damage will be Melbourne’s APES who kicked off the year with a spot at Melbourne’s BDO courtesy of a triple j Unearthed win. If you want to party with the best of them then head to The Karova, Ballarat on April 6.

Bendigo Blues Tram Quick bite: For those in the Bendigo region, the next instalment of the popular Bendigo Blues Trams takes place Easter Saturday, March 30. Departing from the Central Deborah Goldmine at 7pm, the two-and-a-half hour tram ride, which takes a pit spot at the Joss House, is great music meets great people. Alawishus Jones and Damien Neil will be your music guests of honour. Be sure to hit bendigobluesandroots.com.au for further information. .........................................................................

Music Trix with Diafrix Melbourne duo Diafrix are high on music life at the moment and they’ve got good reason to be. The pair recently wrapped up a tour with Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and now they’re on the road with their latest single ‘I’m a Dreamer’ (featuring 360). They’ve also lent their track ‘Running It’ to the Western Bulldogs to use in their official 2013 campaign. Will it help

the Doggies? It can’t hurt them. Only joking Doggies fans. The single is lifted from their 2012 album Pocket Full of Dreams which, along with 360, features Daniel Merriweather and Dwele. It also features the better part of Styalz Fuego (360’s Falling & Flying) on production duties. Yarra Hotel, Geelong - March 28 & The Karova, Ballarat - March 30. Emerging Sydneysider Miracle supports. .........................................................................

Emma Louise Vs At the beginning of the year Brisbane songbird Emma Louise performed a few album preview shows around the country. These shows came off the back of a three-month international songwriting stay in New York. At the beginning of May she will hit the country for a proper tour which will wrap up mid June. The preview shows sold out, understandably given Ms Louise’s musical charms, so this generous tour should be enough to keep fans satisfied. The album in question is Vs Head Vs Heart, a collection of ten tracks including popular singles ‘Freedom’ and ‘Boy’. It is the follow-up to her debut EP Full Hearts and Empty Rooms. As well as a SXSW appearance she also recently scored a feature with Pitchfork. The Yarra Hotel, Geelong - May 9 & The Karova, Ballarat - May 11. .........................................................................

Bendigo Easter Festival The Bendigo Easter Festival will run from March 29 through April 1. Friday, March 29 is Hazeldene’s Family Day. Kicking off at 9am in Rosalind Park, the family day will run under the banner ‘Embrace your Senses’. Activities include an Easter egg hunt, vintage and classic cars and musical workshops. March 30 features Kidzone, a day especially for the little ones while the evening welcomes the Fire Services Commissioner/CFA Torchlight Procession and Fireworks. March 31 is the always popular Bendigo Advertiser Gala Parade. Kicking off at 1pm the parade will finish off with the traditional Chinese procession and an appearance from the world’s longest Imperial dragon, Sun Loong. There will be plenty more on offer over the four days so keep your eyes open. .........................................................................

Another Round of Newton Faulkner He is becoming a more frequent traveller to Australia as time goes on is Newton Faulkner. And don’t we just love him for it? As you probably know his latest venture here takes in Bluesfest but he has also lined up a few extra shows around the country including a spot at The Yarra Hotel, Geelong on April 13. Now at the time of writing tickets still existed. How can that be? The dude is a seriously talented guitarist. The kind where just as you are finished thinking ‘how the hell did he do that?’ you are thinking the same thought again. His songs are very catchy - and not in a bad way. He is highly entertaining - he likes to tell stories and make you laugh. And he has a new record called Write It On Your Skin. So tell me, how are tickets still available? Hurry up and get yours. .........................................................................

Drinks to Good Friday Quick bite: The Pier, Geelong will host the Good Friday Appeal Cocktail Party on March 28. The Good Friday fundraiser will feature a silent auction with vouchers from a variety of Geelong businesses as well as a loud auction featuring items signed by the Geelong Football Club and Melbourne Victory. The star in the auction is a houseboat holiday on the Murray River in Echuca. Entertainment will also be provided. Tickets can be purchased through Oztix while further information is available through enquiries@thepiergeelong.com.au.

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Join the Surf Coast Trail Following the success of last year’s Surf Coast Arts Trail, the event will return again in 2013. For those unfamiliar the trail weekend puts the spotlight on the region’s fantastic artistic talent. For the artist it gives a chance to showcase their works while for the spectator it gives a chance to discover what talent lies within the region. The trail, which takes place over August 10 & 11, will take in 30 venues covering Torquay, Anglesea, Deans Marsh, Bellbrae, Connewarre, Aireys Inlet, Lorne, Deans Marsh, Bambra, Winchelsea and Moriac. Artists wanting to get involved are encouraged to download forms through surfcoast.vic.gov.au. Applications close April 15. Mayor Cr Libby Coker: “We are fortunate to have so many local artists producing amazing work all over the Surf Coast. The Surf Arts Trail is one of the best ways to experience this work and a great opportunity for local artists to showcase and share their accomplishments.” .........................................................................

Resilience Photo Exhibition Quick bite: The Surf Coast Shire is thrilled to present a locally produced photographic exhibition as part of International Woman’s Day. Fairhavenbased photographer Rebecca Hosking will present her stunning collection of black and white photographs in an exhibition titled Resilience. The exhibition will be on display at Eagles Nest Gallery, Aireys Inlet from April 30 to May 1 and Surf World Museum, Torquay from May 13 to May 20. At the time of writing Qdos Arts, Lorne and Globe Theatre, Winchelsea dates were being confirmed.

In efforts to raise much needed funds for the Royal Children’s Hospital during this year’s Good Friday Appeal, the Black Hatt will be running an Open Mic event with guest appearances, raffles, prizes and plenty more to keep you entertained. Kicking off at noon, the bill is already promising 11 hours of fun with performances from Audemia, Smack Frog Trio, Danny Zambellis, Blackshaws Beat, Luke Beavis, Tayla Haigh, John Paul Not So Young, Luke Biscan, Emily Clapton, Jason Timlock, Neil Drinkwater and many more. For more details check out www.blackhatt.com.au and get down there to support the great cause this Good Friday.

stacey williams courthouse arts curator

The Stylish 28 Days In 2000 punk rockers 28 days would release the album Upstyledown. The band’s sophomore album would debut at #1 on the ARIA Album Chart and would achieve platinum status. No longer was the band just a pub band. They were at a whole new level. Songs such as ‘Song for Jasmine’, ‘Sucker’ and ‘Goodbye’ filled the airwave while ‘Rip It Up’ became a festival anthem. The band is a little older than those days and perhaps a little wiser too. Then again, many of their fans are a little older and perhaps a little wiser too. But they have retained their passion for playing music that will get you up off your lazy butts and throw your body around. Have you retained your passion? Check in with the lads when they storm The Wool Exchange, Geelong on April 20.

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Black Hatt offers Royal Support this Good Friday

arts:

Leftovers March 22: DeWolff - Yarra Hotel, Geelong; The Naysayers - The Barwon Club, Geelong; British India - Barwon Heads Hotel; Diesel - The Regent Theatre, Ballarat; The Resignators - The Loft, Warrnambool. March 23: Steve Mink - Eureka Hotel, Geelong. March 24: Brian Cadd with Russell Morris - Torquay Hotel; Jack Carty and Jordan Millar - The Loft, Warrnambool; Salty Dog - Martians Café, Deans Marsh. March 30: Dog Gone South - Martians Café, Deans Marsh. March 31: The Resignators Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs.

For this edition’s Arts Space we caught up with Stacey Williams, the newly appointed Curator for the Courthouse Arts. We find out what lead her to the new role, and what we can expect from her creative collaboration with our region’s artists in 2013. Whilst Stacey thinks it was her hell-bent enthusiasm that landed her the role, we and Stacey’s colleagues all know it was her talent and creative vision, and of course her passion for her craft that saw her come up trumps. Taking ownership of the creative space for the next twelve months, Stacey is getting ready to name it, brand it, and fill it with all the creativity she can find! Hi Stacey! Thanks for taking the time to have a quick chat with Forte Magazine. Thankyou for being interested! This is my first interview, so if I make a fool of myself please forgive me! You’ve recently graduated from the Gordon, what did you study and how was your time there? I studied the Diploma of Graphic Design for two years, and it was one of the best things I have ever done. The work ethic and design practice taught by the brilliant design teachers at The Gordon has really shaped the kind of creative thinker I want to be. I also learned it’s not about raw talent. Talent alone will not bring fulfilment. Fulfilment comes from the dedication to your craft, the hours and hours of lovingly practising your trade, to produce a work that you love and that bravely pushes the idea to it’s limits. I loved my time at the Gordon. A graphic artist by trade, how did you become the new Courthouse Curator? The love affair started when I began to rent a studio upstairs at the Courthouse, for my graphic design and painting work. So I was working upstairs, and it was inevitable that I’d get more and more involved, volunteering my design services left right and centre and putting my hand up for every single workshop, event and show! So when the curator position came up, I was so excited at the prospect! I think they gave me the job to shut me up! You must be absolutely stoked with your new position, is the prospect of curating one of Geelong’s best art spaces a bit daunting? I’m terrified! I am in awe of what Jenna did last year. She filled the space with really beautiful local artisans, and has really made a name for the

Courthouse Gallery. So I am really wary that I want to respect what she did, but try different things, perhaps showing artists that don’t necessarily have a voice in Geelong. The things I have planned for this year are going to be different, but I hope that they will capture the imagination of the Geelong public. For those who aren’t in the know , what is the role of a Curator? Well, I scout for artists, brainstorm concepts with them, organise the hanging/framing arrangements & then help with the branding and promotion of the shows. I love talking to artist about there vision, and what inspired them, and then making it a reality. Perhaps expanding their idea to make a really jaw dropping experience. Will you attempt to bring your own touch and style to the space at the Courthouse? I really hope that the space will speak for itself, as it will be using a different visual language this year. What I think is really awesome, might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m willing to experiment. What is it about the new position the excites you most? I’m really dedicated to getting more community workshops happening that in turn produce exhibitions. I’d like to bring more installation artists in, to really transform the space into something totally different. Film and projection is something that I’d like to explore, as well as abstract photography. It’s the blank canvas that’s the most exciting, the possibilities are endless! When the contract expires at the end of 2013, what would you like to be remembered for as curator of the Courthouse arts space? Bravery. Imaginative point of difference. Magical experiences. Experimentation. Has Jenna given you some handy hints? I haven’t spoken to Jenna yet, it’s on my to do list to pick her brains! She will definitely be on my speed dial when I need help. Would you like to add anything else, maybe encourage artists to come and speak to you about their work? If you have an idea for something radical, give me a call. Never ever think your work isn’t suitable for a gallery, or isn’t good enough to show. I want to see it all!! Thanks!

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down to business:

Deborah Conway & Willy Zygier

Will KendalL of Third Chapter

By Cameron Brogden

She’s the former lead singer of Do Re Mi and the solo artist who brought us ‘It’s Only The Beginning’. He’s a multi-instrumentalist who specialises in all things stringed. Together they’re touring the country, to promote their new album, Stories of Ghosts. I had a quick chat with Deborah to find out just how she keeps creating such quality music over the decades. “Music is an excellent way of creating an outlet for all of the creative tensions that build up,” she explained. “So I persist because it’s the best way I know to keep myself sane, busy, happy, working. I love doing it.” And the sum product of all those outlets is this album. “The new album is an examination of a loose dialogue kind of sitting around some elements of the Old Testament. From a non-believer’s perspective and a Jewish perspective as well. It’s a sombre record, but it’s also a very engaging record, I believe. Certainly we’ve had some reviews and all the feedback so far has been very positive. If people like Leonard Cohen, I think they’ll like this. It’s not overly intellectual, but I hope it makes people think, and I think it’s a good emotion outlet too for people who are suffering in their own lives.” It’s not all about the new album though, as Deborah explained. “We do dip back occasionally into some old favourites, and certainly we’ve had a lot on our Facebook with people requesting for the particular shows they’re going to turn up to, and we’ll be pretty happy to play them. Thus far I haven’t had any disappointed customers that have come along and not seen us for a long time, they tend to get swept up in the journey. I mean, for me when I go and see people that I am very familiar with their old work, I’m always thrilled when people play new work. I mean, I find it exciting - if it’s good work.” She’s worked with a veritable who’s who of local and international artists, from the Finns to Renee Geyer to Pete Townshend, but when I asked her who was most memorable, she chose someone unexpected. “I did enjoy my time with George Dreyfuss, he’s a character. He’s just about to celebrate his 80th birthday, if he hasn’t done so already. Thoroughly entertaining, we went down to Tasmania and we recorded with the Tasmanian Symphony Orchestra a piece called ‘When I Get Younger’, which I had written especially for the occasion, and it was very memorable. He’s quite the performer, a very flamboyant man.”

Forever a fixture in Australian music, Deborah has managed to keep a finger on the pulse. “I’ve been listening to a lot of stuff... I’ve just judged the Australian Music Prize,” she said. “And it went to Hermitude a couple of days ago. So I as sitting on the judges panel, and I’ve been listening to a lot of Australian music and I’m really enjoying it. The last nine shortlisted albums, Urthboy, Daily Meds, Liz Stringer, Jess Ribeirio (& The Bone Collectors), Flume, Tame Impala, Presets, Grand Salvo and the winner, Hermitude, all had really interesting and very, very diverse records. But lots of stuff that didn’t make it into the shortlist also fantastic, Claire Bowditch’s new record, Paul Kelly’s new record, Charles Jenkins’ new record. There was a lot of stuff to like.” And she had one piece of advice for up-and-coming artists: “Get a law degree.” When&Where: March 30 - The Bridge Hotel, Castlemaine

Photo by Nicole Reed.

Third Chapter is a clothing brand stated by ex-Geelong resident (now Melbournian) Will Kendall. From modest beginnings, around a time when Will was seriously injured in a snow boarding accident, 3C has grown into a clothing label that is now recognised across the globe. We caught up with the big man himself, to discuss how he got Third Chapter up and running and about the struggles as a young person starting out in the cut-throat ‘rag trade’. Harnessing the power of social media, this is an interesting look at someone ‘doin’ their thing’ and doing it pretty darn’ well too. Give us a brief background on yourself, you’re originally from the Geelong region? I moved around a lot growing up but spent years kicking it in G.Town. After getting boosted from a bunch of schools I started a building apprenticeship and hated life. I eventually quit, moved up to Mt. Hotham and fell in love with snowboarding. From that day on I was chasing back to back winters between Lake Tahoe California and Hotham. Right now I’m settled in Melbourne City. I’ll always be G.Town at heart though. Some of the biggest legends I know have come from Geelong. R.I.P Huggie Dickson the Greatest. Third Chapter has been around for a few years now, when did you launch the brand and how did the idea come about? Third Chapter was born in 2008. At the time I was injured from snowboarding with 2 broken ankles and spent a month in a wheel chair. I had a lot of time to think about things and decided to start 3C with my business partner Matt O’Neill. Being a younger person in the cut-throat fashion industry, how did you find starting out and getting the brand off the ground? To be honest man, we struggled. Sketchy C*%^% in the rag trade saw us coming from a mile away and rolled us anyway possible. We had no idea really. We just knew what sort of threads we wanted to produce but the problem was bigger companies didn’t want to help us because of the small number of garments we needed manufactured plus our lack of knowledge in the industry made it hard to communicate properly. It was tough but we got through it somehow. There is always risk involved in a business venture. It was a risk you were obviously willing to take, how did you negate any early risks? I guess it was a good risk to take. We set our goals high and believed in ourselves. We were surrounded by talented, positive and loyal homies who backed us. Having the right people behind you is the key to it all. Third Chapter or 3C is essentially a streetwear brand, is this correct? I guess we make streetwear? But Third Chapter is much more than that. Its a family of like minded individuals who bring much more to the table than just looking fresh in 3C gear. Was it hard getting the word out in the early stages? How important was marketing the brand correctly? The way you market your brand is the most important thing you can do. Every second punter has a “clothing label” these days. Your marketing is what separates you from the rest. Third Chapter’s roots are snowboarding. Right at the beginning I was lucky enough to have a bunch of buddy’s getting loads of media coverage. That for sure helped kick start things off. You guys also have a roster of sponsored skaters and others, how important is this for the branding? We don’t have a “Team” as such. Its just basically our friends or anyone we are down with. Its super important to have the right people repping your brand. Third Chapter is now a well recognised brand, how is distribution handled? You are obviously both in store and online? We were in a bunch of stores across Australia but now 3C is only available exclusively through 3rdchapter.com. For the time being, its what works really well for us. No middle man. Haha How important is social media/ internet for people in business these days? Extremely important. It would have been pretty tough back in the day to promote your label with no social media or Internet. Its where its at these days and would probably be the number one source of promotion for most companies. In a business sense, has the brand grown to a point you’re content with? And what are the plans for the future? I’m psyched about where the brand is heading. It’s exciting man. We have had our ups and downs and set backs along the way and I’m sure we will have plenty more in the years to come. We have big plans for the future, I’m always looking up and putting in as much work as I can to make it happen. That’s about all I can tell you at this stage. That website again? 3rdchapter.com

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Macondo Blowout The Torquay-based four-piece Macondo Blowout are busy men. When they aren’t playing their hard, fast, surf-punk music they are working hard, running businesses or being family men. They’ve also been touring interstate recently but are glad to be back on familiar turf, gearing up to play a gig alongside Sun God Replica and Kinloch Troons on March 28 at our favourite Torquay Hotel. Tell us about the name Macondo Blowout? This isn’t the only name you guys have performed under is it? We did do a couple of gigs under ‘Jesus Astronaut’, which some of us weren’t too stoked on so we changed it to “Macondo Blowout” - which is the nickname given to the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster which happened a few years ago and was considered the largest accidental marine oil spill in the history of the petroleum industry. Plus we thought it sounded cool! How long have you guys been together as a band and how did you get started? We’ve been together as the whole band since 2010. Dishy/guitar, Marty/bass and myself, Mick/drums were jamming for a little while when we met Col/Vocals at an Eddie Current gig and roped him in. We’ve all been in several different bands over the years and I have actually played previously with Dishy in a resident Mt. Hotham band for a few years. You’re all based on the Surf Coast, how’s life being in a band down that way? To be honest it’s tough at times, we’ve been told that punters want to hear DJ’s not bands by some venues and others who claim they want to play bands won’t even return phone calls or emails and basically expect you to play for free. Most of our gigs to date have

been in Melbourne, Geelong, the Victorian Snow Fields and interstate. We realised that a lot of our mates on the Coast had never seen us play and we also wanted to play local gigs. So we’ve hooked up with the Torquay pub to run some regular gigs and build a night where we can have bands come and play on the coast with us all year round, not just over summer. It’s been really successful and has proven that people do want to hear rockin’ bands play live. We’ve got more killer gigs with awesome bands coming up soon down on the Surf Coast. Your sound has been described as skate/surfrock. Do you agree? It’s always hard to put labels on music, but we could live with surf punk if only because we are surf punks. You’re all very busy blokes. Is the band something that you guys take seriously and would you like to take it to a higher level? Or is it more of a relaxed, fun outlet for you guys? We all work full time and in fact three of us run our own businesses, we all have young families, we’re busy people. We play music because we love it, we’re realistic about how tough and competitive the music scene is but for us personally we don’t see it that way. Music is art, it’s the voice of generations, it’s not a sport for us to win. It’s fun, it’s serious it’s all of these things. We want to help other bands if we can and all we really want is to rock the fuck out and play some sick gigs, meet other bands and punters that share our stoke for music. If success comes from that so be it.

Do you guys have a release out? Are you working on anything at the moment? We’ve recorded a five song demo that we give away and are planning to record a proper release this year. What are some of the bands you would like to be linked to when people are describing Macondo Blowout to their mates? Any band with attitude and some edge but here’s some bands that have influenced us - Off, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, Fugazi, Dag Nasty, Black Flag, The Stooges, Queens of the Stone

Age, Them Crooked Vultures, The Hives to name a few. What can people expect from a Macondo Blowout show? A fun, high energy blast of solid rock, ringing ears and possibly a hang over. Thanks for the chat, is there anything final words? Like us on facebook. Listen to some tunes on www.myspace.com/macondoblowout. Support live music. When&Where: March 28 - Torquay Hotel, Torquay

BY POPULAR DEMAND the kremlings you asked for it, we go it!

xxx

Photo by kristan wild

This issue you guys wanted to get to know the Kremlings a little better - We caught up with the five members of Geelong’s pioneering Garage Rock band to squeeze a bit of info out of them on what they’ve been up to, and what we can expect from their second EP release, Vulture Race. Please introduce each of the band members and tell the readers one thing we aren’t supposed to know Taylor plays drums, Jesse and Josh play guitar, Andre is the vocalist and Dave plays Bass. Dave has an Exploited tattoo The Kremlings is a very interesting name, somewhere between gremlin’s and something else, how did the name come about? If you’ve played Donkey Kong you’ll know what it means. You guys are based out of Geelong, how is the Garage Punk scene in G-Town these days? It’s growing You are essentially a punk band, when did you form and how did the band come about? We have all known each other for a long time and we all like punk music it came hand in hand really. Who are some of your influences? Anti-Fade bands, Black Flag, Bored, Flipper and The Wipers. How many releases do you have to date, and are you working on anything at the moment? Just our first self titled E.P but we have another coming very soon called Vulture Race and then maybe another E.P or Album TBA. You appear to have toured around a fair bit, where are some of the best place to play? The Waiting Room in Brisbane and The Time Machine near Brisbane. Both very cool. And the Squatters Arms in Adelaide There has been alot said on this topic lately, but what is your take of the state of live music in Geelong? A lot of good bands are coming out it’s just hard getting music out there when there is only like one or two places to play. Do you enjoy strong hometown support when doing gigs in Geelong? Yeah, when people turn up. How does it feel to be nominated as part of Forte’s ‘By Popular Demand’ as voted by the readers? Sexy. Do you have anything else you would like to add? Daves Exploited tattoo is on his upper left shoulder.

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sonic animation By Cameron Brogden

It has been six long years since we’ve seen them tour these shores, but Adrian Cartwright and Rupert Keiller, better known as Sonic Animation, are back, with a new album, on the back of a very successful set at last year’s Homebake Festival. I caught up with Rupert to discuss everything from the group’s split, to the current tour, and even the future.

“It was recorded in Canada,” Rupert said, of the new album. “I live in Canada now, and it was recorded out there in a tiny little bedroom studio. It was co-written by a Canadian singer-songwriter called Sexton Blake, she’s helped out on a few of the songs. Some of the tracks are a little more serious than the ones we’ve done in the past, but there’s also a lot of stuff on there which is tonguein-cheek, humorous kind of stuff that a lot of people remember us for.” Rupert was quite busy during the split. “I wasn’t actually away from the studio the whole time, I

was still doing remixes and still writing songs and stuff, but definitely good to get focussed on one project, and get through that and finish it, because that was what I was really struggling to do. It was really nice to just finish something off, finish a whole album,” he explains. And they’re “absolutely” glad to be back. “We got back in November and did Homebake in December last year, and it was really good. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, we had an afternoon timeslot, which can be good or bad, it depends how early people are getting to these events, but it was sort

of mid-to late-afternoon. I was really surprised by the turnout for our performance, and also how comfortable I felt on stage and how it all seemed to... I don’t know, I guess it gets stuck in your head, you just get comfortable straight away. I wasn’t really nervous for the show at all, which is strange for me.” Sonic Animation are no strangers to the Geelong area. “We played a couple of times, probably three or four times. I can’t remember where, a lot of the venues sort of mold into one. But yes, definitely have played out there before and have had some good times out there. We like coming out to Geelong for sure.” In 2006 the boys split up, Rupert explained what happened. “We were both just looking to do some other stuff and just have a break. Especially for me, I really wanted a break. I wanted to go travelling, and just get my head out of music for a while and try and come back with some fresh ideas.” “So I went travelling for about three months overseas, and I ended up - I went and visited some friends in Canada, in this little town called Rossland which is in British Columbia, its this tiny little ski town. I went over there at the end of winter and did some snowboarding and then went off for another couple of months, and was supposed to come back to Australia, but instead I went back to this little town in British Columbia and never left. I was actually born in Canada, so I have a Canadian passport, so it was something that I had thought about doing, just making use of the fact that I had a dual citizenship.” As for why they’re back, Rupert cited “a combination of things” had contributed. “We’d had someone suggest that it would maybe be a good idea to get back together to just do like a reunion thing, and maybe just try to do a couple of festival shows in Australia, and I thought that was a good idea. It was far enough after our last show that it might be good to go out and try and get some other shows. So it was partly that, and we thought we might as well try to do either a remix of something old, or maybe write a couple of new things to try and help us to get that to happen. Partly that, but also, I was DJing in British Columbia... a lot of Australians go out there for skiing in the winter, I was using that to go and DJ in a few of the different places around British Columbia, and what I noticed was, as the years went on the kids who were coming out were getting further and further away from knowing who Sonic Animation was. So I couldn’t really go in and DJ and say ‘Hey! This is the dude from Sonic Animation’ because that didn’t fly anymore, people were like ‘Well, we just left Australia, and we’ve never heard of these guys. Who is he? We don’t know who they are.’ And I was seeing there was getting to be further and further a gap between what kids do, and these kids hadn’t really heard what we were doing. So I thought it would also be a good idea for that reason, to help me with my DJing work: working on some new material and releasing new music.” As for the future, Rupert had a pretty good idea. “After the tour we’ll probably release another single, another video, and again we’ll do the same through the year, we’ll probably release another couple of songs from the album and see how things go. If it goes well enough, we’ll hopefully be on some more shows and festivals next summer, but if it doesn’t go well, then we’ll just keep writing and we’ll work on a new record.” And Rupert answered the question on everyone’s minds: Will the Technotubbies be back? “Yes the big furry feet will be there as well, dancing around and going crazy like they used to.” When&Where: March 28 - Karova Lounge, Ballarat & March 29 - Good Revolution Friday, Yarra Hotel Geelong

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ballarat column:

On Sunday March 10, I took a ride with Birahny Lawrence, Matt Malone and James Hughes (drummer for the Electric Sunkings) to support Matt and Birahny doing a set together at the Empress Hotel in Nicholson Street, Fitzroy. It was an early evening gig and we arrived late to sound check due to a fight with Google Maps and one wrong turn. The place was hardly bustling with people probably due to the long weekend.

With the Empress being a live music venue in Melbourne, I was surprised to see strict noise restriction times hung next to the sound desk (something along the lines of not exceeding 95 decibels after 7:30pm!?). The venue was ill adequate for comfortability inside for both audience and artists alike. Most of the punters were outside enjoying the evening as it dropped down in temperature slightly and was merrily lit with shaded sunlight; whereas inside, the stage was lit by the heat emitting PAR 54 & 64 lamps which had red, blue and green gels installed, a typical rock’n’roll lighting set that didn’t really suit the acoustic nature of either artists, and the audience seating was barely lit at all. If there was better suited light to be used, the venue failed to tell us. On a good note though the FOH system was clear sounding and both sets sounded good to those of us happy to be in the audience.

Birahny and Matt both setup on stage, originally planning a duo at some point together but due to lack of audience and therefore enthusiasm the set didn’t kick off until around 6pm and the duo never happened.

As original outside artists trying to get a foot in the door at venues in Melbourne, I’d say save the souls of your shoes and let the Sunday arvo sets at the Empress slip by..... Unless they pay well of course!

Birahny played her haunting melodies for around half an hour and despite an issue with the reverb that was solved about halfway through, she played a good set to an audience of friends.

Thursday March 21: Eyes Wide Open + Abreact + Series + A Call to Anguish. Entry $10 @ The Karova Lounge.

Looking for a rock singer between the age 17-19. Main Influences are Green Day, Foo Fighters and Led Zeppelin. Band with Management and Label. Email and info at melodicmusic.com Email and Info at melodicmusic.com Looking for a drummer, not afraid to experiment. Male/female. Age 35++ ono. All original. English/ Australian influences without the radio play. Original to the extent of punk/pop sensibility 1978 to the not-so-now style. Think of yourself as a patron of The

Saints, Stiff Little Fingers, Radio Birdman, Buzzcocks, The Smiths, Psychedelic Furs, Iggy & The Stooges, Wedding Present, Happy Mondays etc etc, then forget you have to be. The usual... car, equipment, attitude, mental state (in an OK kind of...) punctual, earplugs accepted. Be prepared to apply yourself. Let us know on 0409 567 043. Please leave your details and we will hear you - Confirmation code: AKA 1963 Geelong rock band looking for lead vocalist. We are a Geelong based original band looking for a lead vocalist,

The Pony Men + Vinegar Hill + Cowgirl Caviar. Entry $8 @ The Karova Lounge. Thursday March 28: Sonic Animation. Tickets $12 @ The Karova Lounge. Saturday March 30: Navaja Negra. Conc $8 Full $10 @ The Babushka Lounge Cafe.

Singer wanted for acoustic covers duo. Must like 90’s British bands and not into songs your “normal” covers bands play. Think Oasis, Morrissey & The Smiths, Libertines, Pulp, Blur, Verve, and similar Aussie & American groups. Nothing serious to start with but possible gigging if we sound great! Age no barrier and male / female encouraged to contact. Contact Liam: britpopcovers@gmail. com or 0430904407

Hard Rock Covers Band with experienced, solid, bass player and drummer team requires guitarist with skill, awesome sound, and decent equipment. We have full rehearsal live room, pro gear, and all recording equipment. Project will involve gigging, recording, and working on original material as well as edgy covers. Age no barrier, but must be directable team player and have own transport.

Diafrix. Tickets $15 @ The Karova Lounge.

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Experienced Lead Guitarist Wanted. Top 40 Coverband. 70s 80s 90s and current. Based in Geelong. Must have commitment. Please Call Mark on 0438836469 or email at pudge_ gypsy33@hotmail.com

Band Members Wanted: Looking for band members between the ages of 16-19 years of age for pop group. Looking for bass guitar, electric guitar, vocals and synth player. If interested, please contact 0417575237.

Friday March 22: Dan Rolls @ The Babushka Lounge Cafe.

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Matt kicked off at around 6:30 and called for more FOH volume, foldback and reverb so he could pierce the darkness rather than play to it. Matt plays his pieces with full intent to get the emotions he writes into his works. Calling for more volume about halfway through his set to in attempt to increase the depth of his lyrics and playing style, two people left in reaction to the volume (which, understanding his work, he probably would have taken compliment to), and about 3 minutes into the song, the staff themselves called

What’s on in the Rat

SEND YOUR INFO TO: editorial@fortemag.com.au or p.o. box 1388, geelong 3220 or fax 5229 0318 FOR INDIVIDUAL USE ONLY, NOT FOR COMMERCIAL PURPOSES.

Wanted: Male Vocalist, Two Guitarists Lead/ Rythm,Keyboard,Drummer to form an Original Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Band,Kevin Phone 0352757689, Email linnums@ optusnet.com.au Vocalist Wanted: Rock/alternative band, currently consisting of guitar, bass, drums. In search of a clean vocalist preferably with experience. Influences: Tool, A Perfect Circle, Karnivool, 12 stones, Godsmack, etc. Contact Dean 0431067758 Singer For Rock Covers Band Needed. New project that will incorporate some originals. We have large acoustically enhanced rehearsal room inc. P.A and all recording equipment. Project will involve live gigs/shows, recording, and working on orginal material. Age no barrier, but must be team player with own equip and transport. Covering rock/ pop/grunge/hair-band/ glam. You will be working with experienced team. Carlos: 0409 493521 Photographer Wanted for band photos. Semniprofessional ok. Call Josh 0430971319 Wanted, 40+ y.o. Muso’s to form a fun Rock Band. Bass, Drummer, Lead Guitar, Keyboards or other welcome. To play Classic Rock from the 70’s onwards. Call or Text Nick on 0408359821. Geelong Vocalist Looking for guitarist, bass and drummer to form contemporary blues/ rock band. Experienced players required.Ph: Craig 0404054045 or email transform_pt@ yahoo.com.au

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Written by Daniel Lock.

for the volume to be turned down.

Carlos: 0409493521

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Rats in the Big Smoke.

FREE CLASSIFIEDS

have a lot of experience and heaps of great original music waiting to be sung. Influences: pearl jam, chili peppers, foo fighters, nirvana, led zep, sound garden. Contact Ben 0432049231.

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CHECK US OUT ONLINE AT

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ALBARE By Tex Miller

Albare may be a name that you have heard crop over the jazz music scene of Australia over the past two decades and this is due to the legendary status that he now holds within the scene. A pioneer of the acid jazz landscape, he has been compared to the likes of George Benson and Wes Montgomery (who are, no strangers to the scene themselves). As a child he moved from Morocco to Israel and then to France and through this, his musical influences expanded greatly. With an original ambition to play the accordion, due to his cousin already being an accomplished player; like many others before him, his parents from a very early age imposed the guitar on him. “For the first couple of years, my mother was worried that I would get bored with the guitar and she used to make me practice all the time. Yet, by the time that we moved to France, my love for the instrument had blossomed so much so that she had to keep it away from me. When we were in Israel, she didn’t realise that the guitar was an expression of freedom for wild teenage years and once I had discovered that the guitar meant rock n’ roll there was no stopping me,” Albare said about his early integration into the instrument Touring around Australia and New Zealand, with his latest album entitled ‘Long Way’, I recently got the chance to have a chat with Albare ahead of his appearance at GPAC in the upcoming month. “We toured the album all throughout Europe, the US,

Diesel By Cameron Brogden

With a career spanning twenty-five years, thirteen albums, thirty-five singles and six ARIAs, Mark Lizotte, better known to the Australian public as rock icon Diesel, has seen and done it all, and he’s coming back for more. The Velvet Curtain Tour will cover fourteen regional cities across New South Wales and Victoria, over three months. I caught up with Diesel last week to discuss his career and the future. Considering he’s still on the road at forty-six, putting on shows that would rival men half his age, I had to ask him what his secret was. “Adrenaline!” He claimed. “It’s amazing what it can mask. Having said that, I stopped doing silly things a long time ago, music is intoxicating enough for me.” A lot of musicians from his era have dabbled in soundtrack writing for film and TV, Diesel himself wrote several songs for Bikie Wars under his real name, but he’s not content to just stay in the studio. “I have always used the stage as a place of experimentation and a place to challenge myself on many levels,” he said. “Without this it would the studio environment only - that would never provide the sounding board I need for my music.” And while most artists with an extensive career, you would expect an older fanbase, but Diesel can attract a fairly wide range of punters. “It was pointed out to me very early on that I had a wide following, probably due to the blues element in my music,” he explained. “I never set out to play to one

Rory Ellis By Chris Lambie

The latest recording Twisted Willow by Victorian troubadour Rory Ellis is gathering glowing reviews. It’s become something of a regular occurrence for the singer-songwriter. His 2010 album Perfectly Damaged attracted similar acclaim both locally and internationally. While his sixth release features some input from guests, it’s mostly Ellis on show. “When I looked up on the wall, I thought, ‘Shit, there’s a load of instruments up there! My daughter’s an aspiring musician and played piano on one track and Dave Steele played mandolin on ‘The Woodstore’ but the rest was done by Yours Truly. It was a really good exercise in selfanalysis. I’m playing acoustic guitars, a 1961 Hofner, baritone guitar, a bass I made years ago out of a big chunk of red gum burl, a bit of banjo, an old mandolin that Dave Steele gave me, some classical guitar, flamenco and a drum kit I borrowed from Stringy Bark McDowell. Of course, you can’t play ‘em all when you’re live on stage,” he laughs. “To be honest, it was largely budget driven. The days of spending $20,000 or $30,000 on an album are pretty much gone but it’s important to keep making albums, so you’ve gotta do it however you can. It was a good process and I enjoyed it.” Ellis the Storyteller shares yarns both funny and poignant, spun from quirky vignettes along the road. “Some interesting perspectives you learn and experiences you get yourself into - or out of - as the case may be! You collate little phrases and events till they eventually become very apparent in a song. The stuff in the hard drive in your skull…You can be writing

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Japan and Korea between June and December last year just after, it was a pretty busy tour with shows all around the place. This next tour sees us playing in New Zealand and Geelong for the very first time, it’s always exciting going to play new places, so hopefully a lot of people come out and here the new album and see the live show,” Albare says about the upcoming tour. Songwriting for every musician is a different process and in terms of Albare’s music, it is a hard process to define, yet an organic one. “All of the travel in my early years, may have influenced my creative process but the compositional part of my playing happens with not much scientific explanation or any explanation at all for that matter. It’s a very delicate process and if I talk about it too much, it tends to go away. Songwriting is like a gentle flower, initially, they grow and when you put some water on them, they blossom into something a lot more beautiful. That’s music for me.” Over the years, Albare has received a lot of comments about his playing being remarkably similar to former Jazz legends. Taking these comments on board at every occasion, Albare feels that the only real way in which he can be compared to the likes of Montgomery and Benson is through the particular strings that he uses on his guitar. Playing music for Albare is an intellectual process between the mind and the heart, which is an ongoing process that he is continually still finding today. With another record on the way later in the year (his fourth in as many years) be sure to check out the living legend that is Albare when he hits Geelong. When&Where: April 13 - GPAC, Geelong & April 24 - Melbourne Recital Centre, Melbourne

demographic of people so I’m glad that seems to be the case.” Never content to rest on his laurels, he’s got quite a bit in the works this year. “I’m in the midst of finishing a new record, I’ve had a few interruptions with the TV series and other things but it hasn’t been a bad thing as I have written and added more songs in the process,” he explains. As for further into his future, he had this to add. “I have never known too far ahead, I’ve gotten used to that. I know beyond the release of the record that I’m working on will be…” [he mimed a crystal ball] “Touring….. lots of touring!” Of course, an artist of this level keeps his finger on the musical pulse. “I love The Rubens’ record, great songs and a beautifully made album, Solange the True album [is] very understated. I like that; the Jake Bugg album is also very understated, relying on the songs for strength.” And he’s full of advice for up-and-comers: “Make music! Inevitably you will have to think about other elements involved in making music, the “biz”, etc. But music will guide most of it. With all the technology available I still believe it’s people that spread the word, hand to hand.” Diesel is playing Ballarat, Bendigo and Warrnambool in upcoming months, so head out to the nearest show, there will be something for every Diesel fan, in the man himself’s own words: “I try to get through every record, from the first all the way to now.”

When&Where: February 22 - Regent Theatre, Ballarat, April 26 - Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool & April 27 - The Capital, Bendigo

songs and in a weird way predicting your own future.” Ellis claims his dry sense of humour runs in the family. Twisted Willow is dedicated to Ellis’ mother Shirley who passed away last year. “[She] had a really hard life but always had a laugh about it. She used to call herself Dulcie Dip-out. I’ve considered writing a little something about her life actually.” Ellis celebrates another important lady on Twisted Willow. ‘Right Hand Woman’ is romantic but far from flowery verse. “Kim does a lot of the driving, the bookwork and merch and stuff. It’s a team effort.” In their campervan (“We like to call it a motor home!”) during the last UK tour, one encounter inspired the ‘A 303 Snack Bar Man Blues’. “You couldn’t park anywhere and you certainly couldn’t get water; in the land of rain, getting water was like a modern miracle. We were woken in a car park once at 5am by a guy rapping on our door. He said, ‘You’re in my spot. I put my snack bar here. You need to move your van three feet that way.’ Unbelievable! ‘The Road Is Not My Friend’ came from touring around Germany. Because of the speed they drive on the autobahns, there were endless roadblocks with cars totalled after rolling hundreds of metres. You start thinking it could be you.” (He’s happier about Mr Branson’s airline deal with APRA, increasing baggage allowance for flying musos.) Busy here til mid-May, Ellis will return to tour Europe again. “I’ve got a new agent in Berlin and started receiving some airplay in Germany – proper, decent airplay. I’m also putting together a new band here called Rory Ellis and The Devils Right Hand. It’s a bit more alternative country with a flash guitar player called Andrew Toner - or as we call him Hugh Hofner! Your jaw sort of hits the floor when you watch him play. We’ve also got Col Goldsbury who played in a lot of bands in the 90s when I was playing around Fitzroy.” Meanwhile, a track from his last album will feature in a locally made film, though he “can’t say too much yet.”

When&Where: March 23 & 24 - Avoca Music Festival, March 29 - Esplanade Hotel, Queenscliff, March 31 - Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads & April 4 - Ararat Live, Ararat


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Shawn Colvin By Natalie Rogers

This Easter three-time Grammy Award Winner Shawn Colvin will be joining the fine cast assembled for the iconic Byron Bay Blues Festival. This year’s festival plays host to living legends Santana, Paul Simon and Robert Plant, amongst others, and is arguably the most impressive lineup yet. Combined with her raw, highly personal lyrics and finely tuned musicianship, Shawn is a perfect fit for the four day event. “I’m really looking forward to coming back to Australia – I’ve been to Sydney and Melbourne, and they’re both beautiful in different ways,” Shawn says. “I’ve never been to Brisbane so I’d really like to check that out. I know a couple of people up there and I hear the weather is amazing this time of year! And I can’t wait to catch up with my good friend Robert Plant - he’s on the bill this year too.” Shawn’s list of accomplishments throughout her remarkable career are well documented; she won a Grammy for her debut album Steady On (1991) before going on to win two more in 1998, including Song Of the Year for the runaway hit ‘Sunny Came Home.’ “That was a great moment in time, and it brought me a lot of new listeners, and hopefully some of them struck around”, Shawn joked, living up to her reputation for taking success in her stride. “My life didn’t really change after winning the Grammy, but it certainly makes an impression - it made people’s ears prick up, that’s for sure.” Together with the Grammy wins, are seven nominations and the notable honour of appearing in

Endless Boogie By Natalie Rogers

Born out of a basement on the wrong side of the tracks, comes Brooklyn’s psychedelic rock quartet Endless Boogie. Back in the country after causing a stir and creating a lasting impression on the organisers and punters alike at last year’s Golden Plains Festival, this time round they come bearing gifts in the form of their third studio album - Long Island. Lead guitarist and founding member Jesper Eklow gave me the low down - “We have some good new jams that we haven’t played in Australia before,” Jesper revealed. “We’re looking forward to doing some record shopping at Vicious Sloth in Melbourne. We met the nice people who run it last time, and we had some amazing Szechuan food we can’t wait to come back to Australia!” Jesper says that Australia does feel like a homeaway-from-home for the guys, and from what he tells me Australian music has been a constant source of inspiration for the knowledgeable muso’s - “Growing up we were all into AC/DC and as we got older we discovered Coloured Balls, Wild Cherries, Thorpie, Buffalo and The Saints - but our big hero was, and still is, Lobby Lloyd.” Their music has been described in many ways – delightfully boneheaded, stoner rock, southern fried trance. There’s no doubt it’s unique and authentic. “It kind of starts as an embryo and we just see where it goes, and most of the time it goes somewhere fun.”

Jon Chu By Anthony Morris

Based on his past films, Jon Chu might not be the first person you’d pick to direct a G.I. Joe movie. But if action fans can look past the subject matter of dance movie Step Up 3D and Justin Beiber documentary Never Say Never, they just might see a director whose ability to combine movement with storytelling makes him an asset in telling a story based almost entirely on things moving around (often before exploding). Oh, and it turns out he’s a big G.I. Joe fan too. “I grew up with the toys and the comic book and the cartoon. I was the youngest of five kids so I would get all the hand me down toys, I was a spoilt kid – I’d be in the sandbox and the trees and the mud and the couches playing with them all day. I’m convinced that that’s where I learnt to fall in love with storytelling, I’d create week-long adventures in my back yard. To have them come to life now is pretty cool.” The previous G.I. Joe (The Rise of Cobra) film was back in 2009, and while it did alright box office-wise, it wasn’t big enough of a hit to get an automatic sequel. So it’s no surprise that Chu found out about it in an indirect way. “I didn’t know they were doing a sequel, I’d done my last movie (Never Say Never) and was talking to the studio and asked them what they were working on, and when they said G.I. Joe I just went after it. I literally came in the next day with a ton of ideas and drawings and clips, anything I could come up with to sell them on the idea of hiring me for the job” Even then, it wasn’t like he just walked into the job.

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a Simpsons episode! “All the kids I knew at that time really thought I was something, you know?” Shawn laughed. “Like, having done that I’d really made it!” Shawn’s ability to self-reflect and relive the past was tested in the process of writing her memoir Diamonds in the Rough. “That was hard,” Shawn confides. “Writing the book was very different from writing songs. It took a lot of work and organisation and reflection. It was very emotionally draining - I wouldn’t recommend it. I wouldn’t say to anyone I know ‘hey write a book, it’s great fun!’, because it’s not, it’s hard!” She laughed. Coinciding with the release of the book was Shawn’s latest release All Fall Down (2012). Produced by Buddy Miller (a friend of Colvin’s since the 1970s), this album captures the spirit and resilience of the longtime performer. “I wanted to use Buddy Miller - we had been really good friends forever, but we’d never worked together,” Shawn explained. “I had written a few songs, but I hadn’t given a lot of thought to what I wanted the record to sound like. So I showed them to Buddy and I knew they were in the right hands. We recorded the album at his home in Nashville, and together we arranged all of the collaborations”. Artists featured on the record are Alison Krauss, Emmylou Harris, Jakob Dylan and Bill Frisell. “I love his [Miller’s] musicianship and his production and we had a great time.” As well as playing the Bluesfest and soaking up the sun and sights of beautiful northern New South Wales, Shawn will play two special sideshows at The Basement in Sydney and The Corner Hotel in Melbourne. “I’ll be playing by myself, just me and the music. I’m planning to do songs from all my records, and maybe a couple that people haven’t heard. I want to make them really intimate shows, so come out to see me and I guarantee you will have a good time!”

When&Where: March 28 - April 1 - Byron Bay Blues Festival, Byron Bay

Laden with sprawling guitars, kick-arse bass lines and ol’ school rock ‘n’ roll sensibilities Endless Boogie’s sound was made to be played on vinyl. “We all grew up when the LP was king - it just feels right. I collect them - we all do,” Jesper added. “It’s just the classic format. It just doesn’t sound legit unless it’s on vinyl and there’s something romantic about a record on vinyl.” Eklow’s love for vinyl runs deep – he’s been known to hand-press Endless Boogie LPs and give them to friends and family as gifts. Their new album is out now, but if you’re going along to the show expecting to hear all new tracks, think again - “For our live shows we don’t have a set list - we like to decide on the spot what we’re going to play. There are times we’ve played whole songs that are improvised, or we may play tracks that are not fully developed yet and we’ll just play them and see. It’s always really spur of the moment, but every show we’ve played there’s a different set. We play different songs and they could be very long shows or they could be shorter, it depends on the mood we’re in or what the vibe is in the room.” So whether you’re heading to The Barwon Club in Geelong, or making the road trip up to Tallarook for the Boogie Festival this Easter long weekend, come prepared for a night of truly original, mindbending, legitimate rock ‘n’ roll. “We’re looking forward to the shows and hopefully everyone that comes out really enjoys it, ‘cause we will.” When&Where: April 4 - The Barwon Club, Geelong & March 29, 30 & 31 - Boogie 7 Festival, Bruzzy’s Farm, Tallarook

“For a big movie like this and I hadn’t done any big action movies or effects movies – yeah, it took some good salesmanship on my part. But I think that’s the fun part – if you want something like this you’ve got to prove it, and it made me work a lot harder to show that they trusted the right person with the franchise.” As for whether his experience filming dance was a leg-up when it came to filming action: “Yes and no – there were a lot of differences that I learned along the way. What I think, what I love – I was never a dancer, I was just drawn into the dance movie world – what is love is using movement to tell a story. When John Wayne walks out onto a porch, it says more in those moments than a paragraph of dialogue ever could, I love that. And to have an action movie where movement is the main source of vision was amazing, we really tried to have all these different character communicate who they were as much through action as through dialogue.” Which turned out to be the right approach to take with a G.I. Joe movie, considering that a lot of the characters are based on action figure who are wearing masks. “Ray Park in the mask of Snake Eyes is a case where you couldn’t just put anyone in there, they had to act the part. We sometimes would have a double in there for a stunt move or something and you could just tell that it wasn’t Snake Eyes, and eventually we had to tell Ray we needed him all the time. There’s a sense of humour that Snake Eyes has that Ray understands, and most people going into the outfit don’t get that, it’s that that makes him more than just a two dimensional character.” Speaking of Snake Eyes, the ninja gets one of the film’s big action sequences – a ten minute silence ninja battle that goes from a mountaintop citadel to an extended mountain chace involving everything hanging from (and swinging from) ropes miles above the ground. It’s easily moe of the more impressive

action sequences in a long time, and for Chu it was one of the big challenges of the film. “It was both really really scary and really difficult. It was something I’d never done before, I’d never seen before, and it wasn’t something we just went in to shoot it like a regular scene, it took months and months of many different people coming together We worked it all out using toys, we brought in a bunch of couches and we lined them all up and I said ‘this is what I’m kind of thinking of doing’ and meanwhile all the computer guys were building the mountains to match what I was doing and the mountain expert was saying ‘well, if they swing from here they’re going to need a crampon here’. It was months and months of work and we couldn’t actually tell how well it was going to be pulled off until most of the way through shooting.” It wasn’t all filmed in the studio either. “It took a lot of persuading to convince the studio that we actually had to go up into the mountains and put zip lines a thousand feet in the air and have a crew camp out on the mountain to film these fights and have a bunch of stunt guys in these ninja outfits that are like skin tight in that cold and that atmosphere. But from the very beginning our approach with the whole movie was, this is not a green screen movie, this is not a digital movie, I want to feel the power of the punch, I want to feel the environment. It was a big balancing act, but the more we could do things for real the more that helped the digital side of things as well, we could incorporate the errors that would happen in the real world to make the digital side of things more realistic. While Chu wouldn’t say filming dance made filming action easy, there was one area where it did help him out. “There’s a lot of logistics in shooting dance, there’s a lot of logistics in shooting action – there’s loads of guns and explosions and moving cameras and it’s easy to to get distracted from what’s the core of the storytelling. So sometimes, at first when I was doing the dance stuff I’d get so distracted I’d

when&where: G.I. Joe: Retaliation is in cinemas March 28 lose track of the core stuff, I’d be so worried about who was moving where and what the camera was doing. Whereas coming into this, if I hadn’t had that experience I would have been a lot more distracted. So now when Bruce [Willis] is doing an action scene, I’m not thinking about that other stuff - yeah that stuff’s cool, but we’ve pre-productioned the crap out of it. The reality is that we’re on set, Bruce is there and he’s bringing the magic and I’m totally focused on him there and how he’s working with the camera, the lights hitting him and how he portrays being on the set at that moment.”


FORTE FOCUS:

Home, Not so Sweet Home

by wylie caird

Is affordable housing a right?

with a Median Multiple of 8.6, followed by Coff’s Harbour at 8.0 and the Sunshine Coast, also at 8.0. Outside the major metropolitan areas, the least expensive markets were Shepparton at 4.5 and Mildura at 4.6, both seriously unaffordable. There were no affordable or moderately affordable markets in Australia.” Perhaps most worrying, according to the report, is that the last time Australia’s housing markets were considered affordable was in the 1980s.

From October 30 to November 1, 2013, the 8th National Housing Conference will take place at the Adelaide Convention Centre. Convened by the Australian Housing and Urban Research Institute (AHURi) in partnership with Housing SA, the convention will provide a platform for what continues to be a hotly debated topic. A conference app has been set up to allow for an interactive conversation, enabling participants to not only vote on key issues but to pose questions to session participants. Why? Housing prices in Australia, as has been widely published, remain among the most unaffordable in the developed world. The 9th Annual Demographia International Housing Affordability Survey was released in January and examined 337 markets in Australia, Canada, Hong Kong, Ireland, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States. The survey employed the method of Median Multiple to rate housing affordability. That is, median house price divided by gross annual median household income. Of the 39 markets in Australia, all fell within either the seriously unaffordable or severely unaffordable bracket. Housing markets are considered “affordable” at or below three times gross annual household income. “Seriously unaffordable”, meanwhile, is at or below five times income while “severely unaffordable” is above five. “The Housing Market refers to the supply and demand for houses, usually in a particular country or region. A key element of the housing market is the average house prices and trend in house prices.” (housingmarket.org.uk.) The report summarised Australia thusly: “Overall, Australia’s Median Multiple remained at a severely unaffordable 5.6. Among the smaller markets, least affordable was Port Macquarie

The report when on to state: “Overwhelming economic evidence indicates that urban containment policies, especially urban growth boundaries, raise the price of housing relative to income. This inevitably leads to reduced standard of living and increases poverty rates, because the unnecessarily higher costs of housing leave households with less discretionary income to spend on other goods and services. The higher costs ripple into the rental markets, tightening the budgets of lower income households who already suffer from lower discretionary incomes.” It should be noted that the survey analysis does not take into account factors including tax, population shifts and interest rates. International rating agency Fitch Ratings seems to back this up. In an article posted on Property Observer on January 10 of this year, their findings indicated Australian housing prices remain among the most expensive in the world, despite improvements over the past few years. This was contrary to a Reserve Bank of Australia report that argued housing values in Australia are not out of line with many comparable countries. Fitch based their findings according to two measures: (1) the percentage of disposable income used to make mortgage payments and (2) house prices relative to income per person. In the first measure, “market debt-to-income ratio”, they found that Australia ranked as the least affordable of 12 global markets. They found Australian home owners spend 32% of their household income on mortgage payments. Their poor ranking is despite a noticeable improvement on 2011’s 38%. The second measure, “house price to GDP per capita ratio”, Australia ranked second with a ratio of eight. This put Australia second only to Greece at 8.5. The US came in at a ratio of 5 while the UK was under 7.

Blank Thankless Air Blair Hall

Burning the candle at ends I create in real-time. Sleep-deprivation is the primary concern at the moment. Hours of sleeplessness are logged not unlike my probationary license, and I’m putting my all into this thing and clocking them honestly and without a sense of entitlement. Is it some sort of marathon? I’m not sure. At what point did I enter and what sort of forms did I fill out in registration? I was in the basement of Splashdown Swim, Sport and Leisure Centre; there is sand lightly dusted on the floor and school-issue tables and chairs sit in small clusters with no whiteboards nearby to signify that any classes take place here at all. A quiet, welldressed clerk shuffles paper more than he inspects it and I am filling out questions such as “At what point did you realise that you were filling out this form without a pen?” and “Do you remember where the exit is?” In retrospect it was then that I was beginning to feel as though I’m on the home-stretch. The fire of commitment burned in my already fatigued and atrophied quantity. Third-base is but days away. Like a slow-motion baseball would assumably function, sexual connotations are ripe and plentiful. Allocated to first base is the act of viewing pornography but being too tired to be able to feel anything about it. Second base; the point at which one is trapped inside a half-awake state in which sexual arousal has taken place but the network that ties thoughts to the bodily functions have shut down and one is forced to meditate on the nature of their own sexual desire instead of deriving gratification from the desire itself.

I have constructed a drawing that explains all of this. In order to view it you need to track me down and I will show it to you. A simple description of it won’t suffice, as the web of symbolism is dense with this work. I would submit it to publication here in this column but unfortunately a picture is worth 1000 words and I am working with a fairly strict 600 word limit given to me by the editor. I can’t promise you’ll understand the explanation and I can’t promise that I can explain the explanation, all I can offer is that it exists and it clears up a lot of what happened along the way to finishing this weeks column. What’s sayable is that it started as a discourse on “Mills & Boon”, the escapist literature publishing company, but then the realisation that it is something that arouses my grandmother became too much to bear and I shut it down before I started messing with my wiring. To be 100% honest, I didn’t actually log any serious and useable hours towards my Probationary License because I ended up getting to the point where I was old enough to eschew the entire 150 hours of the logging system and jump the queue. I estimate that in all approximately 10 hours were physically driven. “Burden” would be one word that could be used to describe me during this time, but I prefer to put myself into the pantheon of “Anti-Hero”, dexterously utilizing skills of psychology in order to permanently be in the state of arriving at Point B without there ever having been at a definable Point A. 1

This is a lie. The questions were in fact legitimate along the lines of any other commonplace athletics-based administrative documentation. Of note is the fact that I was required to fill out the time of signing down to the hundredth of a second. 2

Australians for Affordable Housing (Housingstressed.org.au) is a coalition comprised of over 60 national housing, welfare and community sector organisations established to highlight this worrying problem. In their analysis of the problem, Australians for Affordable housing highlighted several issues in a report titled Australia’s Broken Housing System. These issues included: • House prices have increased by 147% in the last ten years while in comparison incomes have grown by 57% • In 1991 the median house price was five times the average income. It 2011 it grew to seven times the average income.

3. Build more affordable housing. 4. A fairer tax system. 5. Support for first home buyers - that doesn’t push up house prices. “The solutions highlighted by industry commentators to increase first home owner grants, cut stamp duty and release land don’t address the fundamental underlying problems in our housing market,” the report states. “They are solutions that help people who make money from selling houses, not the solutions for those who live in them. At best they’ll provide a quick fix that doesn’t last long; at worst they drive up house prices even further.”

1. Making housing affordability a key goal of all Governments.

The first National Housing Conference took place in Sydney in 1999. The average house price in Sydney at this time, according to an extensive report which measured Australian housing prices from 1970 to 2003 by Peter Abelson, Roselyne Joyeux, George Milunovich and Demi Chung for Macquarie University’s Faculty of Business and Economics, was $272,500, putting it as most expensive. Melbourne was $175,000. The least expensive was Hobart at $112,225. A Today Tonight housing report issued on January 7 puts the 2012 average Sydney house (three to four bedroom) at $656,000. In Melbourne the figure sits at $528,000. Hobart remains the most affordable at $325,000.

2. Increase rent assistance for struggling renters.

Further reading can be done at housingstressed.org.au and nhc.edu.au.

Their rental analysis proved little better: • Capital City rents have risen at twice the rate of inflation over the last five years. • Australia has a shortage of close to half a million rental properties that are affordable and available to low income earners. Addressing the problem, Australians for Affordable Housing lists five ways in which Governments can make housing more affordable:

TOO HEAVY TO HUG PAUL S TAYLOR

chris cruz

Well, it appears that hell has frozen over and Australia has found its way back into the good graces of the Vans Warped Tour. No official lineup details yet, but word has it that Kevin Lyman has sought out the assistance of Soundwave’s AJ Maddah, so who knows WHO we’re liable to get. We can only hope it’s as strong a bill as... ...the UK’s BOOMTOWN FESTIVAL. With a solid roster filled with the likes of Street Dogs, Mad Caddies, the Casualties, Left Alone and The Restarts, this is an exciting new addition to the punk festival resurgence that’s been happening around the world. Lets just hope that they all KEEP it punk.

collectively known as The Transplants, have finally got their shit together and are finally about to release their second album- a mere eight years after the first! Look for In A Warzone any day now! I suppose it’s a better prospect than the forthcoming Fall Out Boy record and tour. But only by a smidge. The Hopes Abandoned/Muscle Mary/Liquor Snatch show scheduled for the Barwon Club last fortnight was called off at the last minute. Things have been pretty volatile in the Hopes camp of late, which may have had something to do with it. Rock N’ Roll eh, kids?!

Earth to AFI- three years and counting since Crash Love The Travelling Axl crashed and burned. Rose Hired Hands You MIGHT wanna Revue (also still think about putting known loosely as out a new record and Guns N’ Roses) has hitting the the tour sold out the first of trail. You might even two shows at the win some fans back, Sidney Myer Music if you play your cards Bowl. Good on ‘em/’im, but I won’t be right! there. Rancid are offering fans a free download Rose Tattoo and ZZ of a recording from Top will be rounding one of their UK tour out the bill. dates from all the way Speaking of Guns back in 1995. Pretty N’ Roses, former cool stuff! lead guitarist New Found Glory are Slash was recently about to release a spotted at Heathrow vinyl-only Ramones Airport looking a cover record, cleverly little fuller-figured titled Mania. Look than usual, and it for it around Record made international headlines. Must have Store Day! been a slow news Municipal Waste week or something! are finally headed our way! They’re Travis Barker, even rumoured to be Tim Armstrong, playing Tassie and Skinhead Rob and that other bloke, Perth- legends!

Lamb Of God frontman Randy Blythe has been acquitted of manslaughter in Prague following the recent trial. The charges came about after a gig in 2010 in the city where fan Daniel Nosek took to the stage only to be removed where after he suffered injuries and then passed away. The word on the internet is that the prosecution in the case will appeal the acquittal which, if found guilty, could effectively see Randy imprisoned for up to 10 years in a Prague jail. Apparently, according to Blythe, Daniel’s family acted in a honourable fashion during their meeting after the trial. It’ll be interesting to see how this whole thing pans out. There’s no date set yet for the appeal and I don’t know how appeals work so I don’t know if Randy has to go back to Prague to attend. The issue here is that the prosecution is enacting on this appeal, as opposed to Daniel’s family. It seems that perhaps the Czech prosecutors want to make an example of Randy and as an extension, heavy metal music. It’s unclear why this incident needs to be put under further microscopic analysis with an appeal since the first trial featured the usual witness accounts and fan-filmed footage. One could speculate that this incident has incited a reaction stemming from long held beliefs about heavy metal music with Czech conservatives. Or one could speculate that the Czechs are pretty sick of Lamb Of God releasing the same album over and

over again and they just, for the love of God, want them to stop. All in all, it seems legal proceedings against heavy metal musicians will always occur and Randy’s is just another case to add to the ever growing pile of court documents around the world. If Randy ends up in prison then he’ll join the ranks of Norwegian Varg Vikernes who is currently out of prison on probation after serving 15 of his 21 year sentence for murder and burning churches. To be fair, Varg was a bit of a nut job and him and Randy wouldn’t have anything else in common. In sad news, drummer Clive Burr has passed away at the age of 56. Clive played on the first three Iron Maiden albums and is hugely influential and will be missed by musicians and fans alike. In Other News Senses Fail will release their fifth album Renacer on Friday March 29. Tool will play Rod Laver on Saturday April 27. Tickets to Black Sabbath’s Monday April 29 show at Rod Laver Arena are still available. The Gaslight Anthem have added a second Melbourne show to their tour. Get in quick for tickets to their Palace show on Tuesday May 14. Deftones will play The Palace on Saturday May 18. If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@ hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @ TooHeavyToHug

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tweet of the week

INSIDE SPLINTERS:

“ I guess Rob Kardashian looks pretty good for a middle-aged jeweller.”

The 8th Anniversary of ‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret.’

@samlansky leaves us for dead.

HIT OR SHIT!

Written by Adem with an E

‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret’ allows the onlooker the opportunity of glancing into two separate windows into the life of Madonna. Her public; the on stage persona, the superstar, and the private; spiritually awoken mother of two and devoted wife. Snippets into her with her children are priceless, giving that glance into a unique window of her life rarely ever seen. This is used to humanise Madonna as a person with the audience, particularly those who remember

Whilst Madonna’s narration and development of characterisation cements the belief that what is happening on the screen is 100% gospel, it is still obvious that Madonna is in control of the whole situation, even if it all is unravelling in a completely non-ellipsis mode. Whilst she displays a ‘human’ side to herself, she only allows certain aspects of her ‘human side’ to survive the cutting room floor’s chop. It is only what she wants the audience to see. There are definitely plenty of scenes of her not at her best personally (insecurity about her marriage and career, for example), but she controls the overall vision. Whilst it is a completely true account of her life at tour-time, it is definitely not an uncensored one.

This documentary is a journey of selfdiscovery for Madonna and, as she states through moments of the film, hopefully one for the viewer. This is predominantly seen through the challenges she faces by pulling off a 40-plus date world tour, and the emotional pull she endures as she tries to balance her family life with her work. Most importantly I’m Going To Tell You A Secret is used to authenticate the intense spiritual and religious awakening she goes through, not only during the films duration, but as she enters a new chapter and level of maturity in her life. Those viewing the film are asked to “wake up” during one occasion. During her visit to Israel, Madonna discusses the urgency of peace and unity needed in the world, action needed to take place for our children’s children to live in harmony with one another. This film is a true documentation of how one can alter their lives for the better, shift their powers for good rather than evil… to live your life, to breathe a generally better existence. As the movie draws to a close, an image of a Palestinian child, walking hand in hand with an Arabian child lights up the screen. As the image fades away, Madonna’s handwriting scribbles across the road they are walking on, slowly panning out. Words proclaiming the film has reached “The End” are crossed out, replaced with “The Beginning”. As the screen fades to black, Madonna, softly asks the viewers: “Now do you understand my secret?”

liza minneli

LIZA MINNELLI Slayed our souls in Paris last week.

GIRLS ALOUD Also slayed us wholeheartedly in London last week and will do just that to us once more next week in Liverpool.

ONE DIRECTION Now that was one helluva Matinee show in Cardiff last week.

KANYE & KIM We don’t even care – take your child and go somewhere that we don’t have to look at any of you.

TAYLOR SWIFT Back in our sh_tlist after her childish kiss-and-tell behaviour involving King Harry Styles.

SHIT!

‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret’ is structured as a musicbased documentary which takes place at the beginning of a historic moment in Madonna’s life, and ends at the closing of it. It’s an interesting glimpse into her life with her children, and of happier times with her now ex-husband Guy Ritchie. Her dancers – of whom we are actually shown Madonna personally select, all during a gruelling audition process – her band, members of her family and her staff, are all given an opportunity to discuss not only the goings on around them whilst on tour, but also an introduction into their personal lives. For the onlookers, most people are aware of Madonna’s basic history. Her being such an iconic figure in pop culture, it’s quite hard not to be aware of it. But the people who, as she mentions later on in the documentary, help her realise her artistic vision during the tours duration, are not known to the audience. Madonna gives them an opportunity, a platform, to speak to her audience through her. Of course, there are obvious moments of praise in her honour placed in between life stories and tour observations, but this is a considerable change from the younger Madonna we saw in her 1990 documentary.

the Madonna of the 1990’s. Back then, Madonna’s tour documentary was filled with taboo, sex, bratty-ness, bitching, controversy and rude behaviour. Madonna was a young girl, basking in the prime of not only her youth, but her incredibly large pedestal of fame. She had no real responsibility, no reason to think conservatively, and the glamour of money and power at her disposal. The Madonna shown in that documentary in opposition to the Madonna shown in this one is astoundingly different. During a discussion about her religious beliefs, Madonna delves into this topic, answering the question the audience could very well be asking: Why the sudden change of heart? “I don’t miss being an idiot” she says, explaining how her life changed dramatically when she fell pregnant to her first child. “I never understood my father… [then] I got pregnant, with my daughter. And I was just like, Holy shit. That really was the turning point for me. I now see that my father went through hell and the sacrifices he made to raise his children. So it took me a while to grow up.” Directly, Madonna addresses the possible doubt felt by some in the audience of how sincere her new found ways truly are. The relationship between Madonna’s presence and the viewers understanding is displayed as very sincere.

HIT

With the 21st anniversary of ‘In Bed With Madonna’ well and truly here and the 8th anniversary of her equally legendary documentary ‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret’ looming, we thought we’d take an in-depth look into the latter title this issue at Splinters, a movie that changed many fan’s perceptions of the Icy Queen of Pop – for the better. The movie was a stark contrast to her 1990’s released documentary, with ‘Secret’ portraying a cleaner image of Madonna to the general public, an image most people may not associate with her. Particularly after boasting such an intense history of life filled with controversy and, what a more conservative audience may have seen as, an immature lifestyle. It should be noted that Madonna uses this documentary to open up on her opinions relating to topics such as politics and religion. These viewpoints are shared with the world from her own mouth, rather than through the pages of tabloid magazines. Something as simple as her narration and the documentary’s structure plays a part in shaping the audience’s reactions and feelings towards not only the movie, but Madonna herself. Madonna’s general ‘growing up’ plays one of three important central motif’s in the documentary, and is a theme that is put into place to shape and alter opinions and the feelings people may have previously held in association with the once selfconfessed “bitch of pop”.

BARBARA WALTERS It’s time to go…

‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret’ is an important slice of pop culture history that may not be as ingrained in people’s memories as her controversial documentary ‘In Bed With Madonna’, but plays a much more important role in delivering more depth to the character we all know as Madonna. Watch both back-to-back for an incredible awakening.

barbara walters

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THE CITY LIGHTS MELBOURNE

The City Lights: Don’t step on our blue suede shoes. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Unida’s Australian Debut Following the dissolution of Kyuss and Slo Burn, John Garcia set about putting together Unida. The riff-heavy stoner rockers released their debut album Coping with the Urban Coyote in 1999 before legal problems battered the band. They reformed last year and they’re due to hit Australia shortly. Original member John Garcia has also released several solo albums. Cherry Rock 2013 - May 4 & The Hi-Fi - May 12. .........................................................................

The Griswolds Summer Vacation Sydney indie-pop chameleons The Griswolds will set out on the road next month to welcome their new single ‘The Courtship of Summer Preasley’. The single is becoming a bit of a radio regular but their radio friendliness is hardly surprising. The five-piece’s previous singles ‘Mississippi’ (their debut single) and ‘Heart of a Lion’ (also the name of their debut EP) have both been well-received. Workers Club - April 20. .........................................................................

Heavenly Beth Orton With its combination of gorgeous music and gorgeous venues, the Heavenly Sounds showcases are fit for the gods themselves. We’ve already seen some wonderful names take in some of the country’s finest churches and cathedrals and heading to Australia shortly will be English songbird Beth Orton. Beth’s return is on the back of her fifth studio album, 2012’s Sugaring Season. St Michael’s Church - May 8. .........................................................................

Share a Dance with Vance Joy If the name Vance Joy is a little unfamiliar to you that is sure to change soon enough. In recent times the Melbourne singer-songwriter, whose real name is James Keogh, has supported Of Monsters and Men and Julia Stone while his evocative and honest tunes are reaching a global audience. He has been part of the SXSW festivities but will play a few shows in April on the back of his God Loves You When You’re Dancing EP. NSC - April 27.

The Ballad of Midnight Juggernauts ‘Ballad of the War Machine’ is the new single from Midnight Juggernauts and it is being called one of the trio’s most pure pop songs. The story behind its accompanying clip is an interesting one. Leading up to its release the band covertly leaked various secret versions of the clip under various guises. Presented as an eccentric Russian art-pop band, the videos were widely spread across various blogs. The Corner - April 24. .........................................................................

Autism Benefit Some of Melbourne’s finest heavy hitters have come together for the One Day Project, an awareness campaign and fundraiser for Autism Spectrum Disorder. Frankenbok, Dreadnaught, King Parrot, Heaven the Axe, Bronson, Wolfpack, Don Fernando and The Charge will all perform at the first One Day Project event. All funds raised go to Amaze Autism Victoria. The Evelyn - March 31. $22 through Moshtix.

DJ Afrika Bambaata In hip hop circles DJ Afrika Bambaata is a name held in high regard. Born Kevin Donovan, Bambaata is one of the three originators of break-beat deejaying. He is also responsible for forming hip hop awareness group Universal Zulu Nation, a global body that, among other things, gave a better option to those embroiled in street gangs. He is the real deal and he is heading Down Under. Laundry - May 11.

.........................................................................

Super News with Superjesus Well strike me down and call me Larry; The Superjesus realised they still had some rock to give and has reformed for a handful of shows across May and June. Are you ready for them? Formed in the late 90s the ARIA winners won many fans with singles including ‘Shut My Eyes’, ‘Down Again’ and ‘Gravity’. The Resurrection Tour is a chance to enjoy those songs and many more again. The Espy - June 7 & 8. .........................................................................

The Evolution of Bonjah New Zealand-formed, Melbourne-based four-piece Bonjah is often referred to as a musical force. After booking a one-way ticket to Australia to pursue their musical dream, the lads have made the years count. Not only have they endeared themselves to the Aussie music lovin’ public but they have performed in Japan, Germany and England. Their new single is ‘Evolution’. The Corner - April 13. .........................................................................

The (Kaki) King Returns The guitar goddess that is Kaki King is returning to Australia in May for another round of shows. Since her first appearance on our shows in 2007 she has

found her own little special place in the hearts of Aussie music lovers. Her visits have included the support spot for Foo Fighters on their 2008 tour and for anyone who was present at one of those shows, consider yourself one lucky soul. The Corner - May 30. .........................................................................

Katie Wighton is Here Sydney-based artist Katie Wighton began her music journey at the age of six with that classic of childhood activities, piano lessons. Fast-forward to 2007 and Katie was presented with the prestigious Generations in Jazz Vocal Scholarship by James Morrison. Mixing jazz, folk and pop sensibilities, Wighton’s new EP is You are Here. Wighton co-produced the EP. The Grace Darling - April 17. .........................................................................

Nothing Foul about the Foals Two tours in one year: you gotta love the Foals for that. The dapper lads from England kicked off the year in style, travelling around the country as part of the Big Day Out. When they return it will be all about them. And their latest album, 2013’s Holy Fire. The Palace - September 27. Oh by the way, their BDO

sideshows sold out in no time so don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. .........................................................................

Happy Birthday Hand Games Hand Games is celebrating their first birthday with a trio of shows around the country. Who is this Hand Games of whom you speak? They are best known for their mixtapes which have become hot property but they also have their finger in the parties, touring company and bookings pies. NO ZU, Client Liaison, Electric Sea Spider, Andras Fox and D.D Dumbo will team up for a celebratory show at Liberty Social on April 20. .........................................................................

Dreaming of Tim Guy Early next month will see the release of Dreaming of a Night Mango, the fourth album from songman Tim Guy. You probably know his story by now. In 2002 Tim met Bec Runga backstage after one of her shows and handed her a CD of his material. She liked what she heard and offered to produce and play on his album. Many others have liked what they have heard too as here he is over a decade later. Grace Darling - April 24.

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the barwon club

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elephant and castle

elephant and castle

the barwon club

the barwon club

elephant and castle

home house

home house

home house

black hatt

black hatt

black hatt

home house


irish murphy's

irish murphy's

geelong rsl

geelong rsl

slate pool lounge

slate pool lounge

edge

edge

beav's bar

the wool exchange

the wool exchange

the wool exchange

the wool exchange

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the grovedale hotel

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the grovedale hotel

the grovedale hotel

the grovedale hotel

cuda bar

cuda bar

cuda bar

eureka hotel

eureka hotel

eureka hotel

eureka hotel


cq

cq

lambys

lambys

lambys

lambys

the max hotel

the max hotel

toast

the max hotel

toast

toast

toast

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FILM REVIEWS

written by anthony morris

21 And Over When did March become the month for party movies? Last year we had the pointless Project X, and this year it’s 21 And Over, in which the writers of The Hangover prove they’re not just one-trick ponies by writing (and directing) a movie that’s nothing like The Hangover – those guys in The Hangover are way older than 21, for starters. And sure, this is also a movie about a totally crazy party night in a bunch of guy’s lives, but in The Hangover it was all flashback – here it all happens regular movie style. Oh, wait, the very start of the movie shows the guys at the end of the night so yeah, in a way this is all one big flashback too. But this time there’s only two guys: Miller (Miles Teller), the wild, crazy, Jim Belushi knock-off one, and Casey (Sylar Astin), the uptight sensible one. So that bit’s more like Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle. They’ve turned up on campus to help their old high school buddy Jeff Chang (Justin Chon) – you won’t forget that name, as they say it at least sixty times during the course of the movie (I counted) – celebrate his 21st, even though his evil dad had told him he has to get up early for a big interview. But one drink won’t hurt, right? Before long it’s the end of the night, Jeff Chang has passed out (okay, that bit’s like The Hangover too) and his surprisingly sober buddies have to find out where he lives, which is kind of like Dude, Where’s My Car?. Crazy things then happen, but guess what? All the movies this is ripping off are better than it, so you’re better off watching them instead.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone Magicians are both kind of creepy and kind of funny. So it’s a little surprising there hasn’t been a big comedy based on a magician until now. Then again, maybe it’s not, as despite some big names and a lot of solid jokes, Burt Wonderstone never quite manages to hit the comedy heights you’d expect from those involved. Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) and his childhood sidekick Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi) have their own theatre at Bally’s Casino, run by Doug Munny (James Gandolfini). Their act (“A Magical Friendship”) is about as cornball as it gets; the duo gyrate against their female assistant then say “we’re here to do magic, not Nicole”. For Burt – who got into magic as a child as a way to get people to love him but has now become an abrasive, self-obsessed jerk for reasons that are never explained – it’s all about the ladies. Burt and Anton’s big hair stage act is stuck in the 80s, even when they promote one of their more clued-in techs, Jane (Olivia Wilde) to be their on-stage assistant; barrelling down on them is the future of magic in the form of Steve Grey (Jim Carrey), a street magician whose act relies more on extreme stunts (his TV show is called ‘Brain Rapist’) than the usual tricks. Burt and Anton try to compete and fail, then break up, which is just the beginning of a long downward spiral for Burt. Will he make it back to the top? Why should we care? He was a jerk when he was a big-timer and if his love of magic is what’s important he doesn’t need to be the headline act at a big casino to do that. So while the jokes are often pretty funny (Wonderstone trying to do a double act on his own is great) and Carrey is hilarious as the increasingly creepy and inappropriate Grey, there’s nothing going on here to make us care about what comes next. It’s the kind of film you can easily imagine being chopped up into scenes and put on YouTube with no real damage done; that’s not a compliment.

Goddess Living in rural Tasmania with manic twin three yearolds, a husband (Ronan Keating) who’s away for long stretches on a ship recording whale love songs, and a pack of neighbours who give her the cold shoulder, former London musician Elspeth Dickens (Laura Michelle Kelly) feels just a little disconnected. So when her husband gives her a webcam so they can see each other while he’s at sea, once she figures out how it works she uses it to broadcast musical numbers about the joys and frustrations of home life. Cue internet fame which leads to a big advertising contract from Cassandra Wolfe (Madga Szubanski). But does she really want to turn her passion into a job that will take her away from her family? What do you think? Okay, this is pretty predictable from start to finish, but director Mark Lamprell’s light and breezy adaptation of Joanna Weinberg’s 1996 musical Sink Songs has a decent cast that helps (a little) to overcome a predictable plot and firmly average songs. Kelly especially; fortunately she’s up to the task of plausibly playing a character who every single male in the film has a serious crush on. Otherwise, poo jokes and bare butts and bad songs abound; Kelly really does have her work cut out for her, and it’s to her credit that this works as well as it does. Which is to say, unless you’re a mum or a mum at heart, this Goddess doesn’t stand a prayer.

Mama Lost in the woods after their father murdered their mother and kidnapped them (blame the financial crisis), two young sisters are eventually tracked down by their uncle (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). His goth-rocker partner (Jessica Chastain) isn’t exactly keen on this instant family, even when the kids’ shrink offers them a big house to live in just so long as they letting the kids be studied. And why wouldn’t they? They basically turned feral in the forest, constantly drawing pictures of the “mama” who protected them out there. Turns out Mama is not only real, she’s not exactly keen on anyone taking her place in the hearts of the girls, and from there on this stylish but hollow horror movie serves up a series of scares that are technically efficient but increasingly ho-hum. Make no mistake: this looks great and works hard to creep you out, but once all the pieces are in place it does nothing but shuffle them around for the second half of the film. Presumably Chastain’s rising star is why this didn’t go direct-to-DVD; it’s worth checking out just for the increasing novelty of seeing a horror film on the big screen.

A Good Day To Die Hard The most annoying thing about the latest Die Hard film is the way when you talk about it you always end up going “yes, I’ve just seen Die Hard… I mean, A Good Day to Die Hard.” And this is really not the kind of movie you want to spend more than the very bare minimum talking about. And hey, it’s not like they spare much more than the bare minimum thinking about it, to whit: a series of implausible but efficient coincidences brings New York cop John McLaine (Bruce Willis), who has somehow transformed from the every-man character of the first Die Hard into a superhuman assassin without changing his shirt, to the Russian courthouse where his son Jake (Jai Courtney) is avoiding murder charges by testifying against likeable plurocrat Komarov (Sebastian Koch). Boring! So then everything explodes. Okay, at first it’s just the courthouse, but then there’s a few cars popping off, then a car chase that probably kills two dozen bystanders but who cares, then there’s a brief pause at a safe house which then also explodes – not because it’s being attacked (though of course it is), but because it’s a safe house the people inside can make explode when it’s under attack, which doesn’t really sound all that safe. Oh, McLaine fires a machine gun during this sequence, which is a little surprising as he’s still meant to be a New York cop and they don’t usually hand them out with the badge. Later on there’s a helicopter gunship and then the action moves to Chernobyl but don’t worry, the bad guys have a magic radiation neutralising spray so everyone can run around shooting at each other without having to wear protective gear. At one point McLaine out of nowhere gives a tender speech about how much he still loves his son, which would usually mean he was about to die but here it just means everyone else dies instead. As a Die Hard movie this is rubbish devoid of anything that made the original a classic, but as an action ride made by machines for machines it certainly fills up roughly 97 minutes.

FILM WR A P Side Effects: What may be Steven Soderbergh’s final big screen film starts out as a bleak look at the over-medication of human behaviour before morphing into something a little less preachy and more engaging. Oz the Great and Powerful: A bland, meandering film that uses some fairly impressive visuals to try and hide the flat jokes and drama-free

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story. But it’s already made a fortune, so what do I know? Save Your Legs: A comedy about an Australian cricket team’s adventures in India. Sadly for its box office, at the moment you can get that stuff for free on the sports pages. Blinder: A plodding and emotionally misjudged look at a group of country AFL players whose lives

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were changed forever by a sex scandal, this has a lot of fairly average Aussie Rules footage, a story that’s sixty percent flashback when we already know how that turns out, and asks us to cheer on the redemption of a group of men entangled in a sex crime. So maybe give it a miss. I Give It A Year: I wouldn’t give this astoundingly

misjudged antiromantic comedy five minutes. Anna Karenina: Visually stunning (the whole story is told as if acted out on an impossible stage) but otherwise hollow, this adaptation of the classis Russian novel about the dangers of giving your live to passion is held together by Keira Knightly’s performance.

Hara-Kiri: Death of a Samurai The title pretty much says it all: it’s the eighteenth century and Japan is at peace, which means if you’re an unemployed samurai you’re probably struggling to make ends meet. So when a samurai turns up at the castle of a local lord requesting to commit hara-kiri (the more respected the Lord, the more honour the samurai will regain by dying on his grounds), they suspect a trick. It seems samurai have been making “suicide bluffs” – making these requests in the hope of being paid off to leave – and so the lord tells the samurai a story of a recent, nasty, incident where they called the bluff. Director Takashi Miike continues his recent path of restraint (in his films released in the West at least) in almost entirely avoiding the opportunities to spray the screen red with blood, instead keeping the focus on the real horror in this straightforward yet compelling story of desperation and heartbreak. It’s a quiet story that sneaks up on you, but it’s all the more effective for taking its time. It might lack the body-count of Miike’s last samurai film 13 Assassins, but in its own way it carries just as much impact.

In the Fog The year is 1942, and in the Nazi-controlled stretches of the Soviet Union there’s no worse slue than to be branded a collaborator. After the partisans sabotage the local railway, rail worker Sushenya (Vladimir Svirskiy) is brought in alongside the actual saboteurs by the Nazis. Everyone else is hanged; Sushenya is set free by the sinister Grossmeier (Vlad Ivanov), who knows full well what everyone is going to think of someone who escapes Nazi “justice”. Before long the partisans come knocking at Sushenya’s door: what follows is a slow burn drama that shifts from a specific wartime drama to a more general meditation on the struggles people face under harsh and oppressive governments. It’s a haunting film that gets under your skin; Russian cinema has a long and proud history of gruelling WWII dramas, and this is a memorable addition to the field.


POrPe! cultu By An th on

y M orr is

When panel shows first started making a splash on mainstream television out here they were often called “radio with pictures”. This would have been the late 1990s, when Working Dog brought The Panel to Ten and created a massive prime-time hit based entirely on a bunch of people sitting behind a big desk talking about pretty much anything they felt like. This wasn’t exactly new for television – sports shows had been getting mileage out of having people sitting around chatting away since the 1960s and World of Sport – but it was puzzling enough to the general public for it to have to be explained to them in the context of something they were already familiar with: radio. Keep that in mind when you watch – or remember having watched, as the first episode aired last night – the ABC’s latest attempt to get a panel comedy show going, Tractor Monkeys. Slightly better than Randling, a lot worse than Spicks & Specks and in large part a knock-off of Talkin’ ‘bout Your Generation, Tractor Monkeys once again presents audiences with a collection of moderately well known comedians cracking wise when presently with the slimmest possible comedic material. Also, if you did see last night’s episode, what was the story with showing a clip from the late 60s of sleazy men ogling women in bikinis, making loads of jokes about how sleazy those old men were and how sexist things were back then, then having a segment built around women in bikinis walking through the studio while the panel made jokes about how sexy

they were? Wasn’t that pretty darn close to the thing they’d just been making fun of? But while the whole entire, uninspired show was just another in a long, long line of utterly forgettable attempts by Australian television to copy Spicks & Specks – remember that ABC sports panel show hosted by Peter Helliar? The series of panels shows SBS tried for a while there – the moderately interesting thing here is the way that there’s no way anyone would describe these shows as “radio with pictures” these days even though they haven’t changed much in fifteen years. Because while fifteen years ago radio – commercial radio that is – still had programs where a group of people would talk for at least a couple minutes at a time about a topic, these days they’re lucky to get a full minute before cutting to ads or a song. And when they do get time to talk, they’re almost always talking to callers or setting up some kind of stunt or prank. It’d be really interesting to see a television show in 2013 that really was “radio with pictures”, especially as – with the exception of Hamish & Andy, who started out in television anyway – it’s been at least fifteen years since a radio star made the successful leap to television. Unless someone still thinks Kyle Sandilands has a television career?

MUSIC REVIEWS British India Controller Liberation Music Controller, the latest offering from British India, is nothing short of brilliant. Following on from their 2010 release Avalanche, which spawned the singles of ‘Vanilla’ and ‘Beneath the Satellites’. From the very first moment of ‘Plastic Souvenirs’, the raunchy guitars, thundering bass and drums that we have grown to love since their debut Guillotine are all present. With more instrumentation including piano and synths, there are quite varied moments on this record that (as a result), work strongly for British India. ‘Summer Forgive Me’, the lead single from the album, which has been receiving considerable airplay on Triple J over the last few months, does its job as the first single, but every song on this album stands up as its own and demands for you to get out of your chair and rock out. The piercing guitar lines of ‘We Don’t Need Anyone’ and ‘Twice in a Lifetime’ along with the fantastically solid rhythm section make these instant British India rock anthems that are sure to go off in their live set as the band makes its way around the country over the next couple of months. ‘Swimming in Winter’ is one of two slower and mellower tunes on Controller, which will really remind of strongly of ‘Float On’ by American rockers Modest Mouse. Overdriven guitar solos push this, to hopefully the same commercial success that Modest Mouse had with ‘Float On’. ‘Christmas In the Trenches’ is one song that you definitely have to crank, no questions asked. The guitar is rocking and as Declan sings ‘Everybody’s famous for five minutes after they die, and suicide is painless but you have to get it right the first try’, you can help but groove along with the beats that are being thrown down by Matt O’Gorman (drummer). It’s a quick two and half minutes before seguing into the final track ‘Crystals’, but awesome none the less. Similarly to ‘Swimming in Winter’, ‘Crystals’ is a softer slow burning track which is laden with acoustic guitar and dreamy guitar landscapes. If I had to pick a favourite tune of the record, it would have to be this one. With classic British India garage rock tones, as well as quieter and more adventurous instrumentation on other songs, Controller is one album of 2013 that you must check out. BY TEX MILLER

Phillip Phillips The World From The Side Of The Moon Universal Music

tractor monkeys

He may be from American Idol, however The World From The Side of the Moon, the debut album from Phillip Phillips, is a solid set of songs. Over the past few months you may have heard his single ‘Home’ kicking around commercial radio stations every few minutes and yes, that track has its moments with strong comparisons to Mumford and Sons, however there are many more terrific moments on this album. ‘Man On The Moon’ the opening track, is a groovy little number that will have you hooked from the first melodic guitar riff. The vocals come in and it becomes immediately evident why Phillips Phillips won the eleventh season of American Idol. He has the band and his grooves are infectious, so it’s a winning formula all round. The standout track on this album is definitely ‘Gone, Gone, Gone’ which immediately made me search Google for Australian tour dates for Phillip Phillips. If his debut album is anything to go by, his stage show is sure to be nothinG short of spectacular. BY TEX MILLER

PULP.

The Little Stevies Most Requested Live 2009-2012 Love Your Records

>>>>>> By Cameron Urquhart & Alastair McGibbon

For a band that has played 300+ shows, released two studio albums and toured Canada, the US and Australia over the past four years, The Little Stevies have really hit the mark with this, their new live album Most Requested Live 20092012. Featuring tracks of both of their studio albums, Love Your Band and Attention Shoppers as well as their early EPs (such as ‘Feel It’, ‘Accidentally’ and ‘Tram Song’), this live experience really comes into it’s own when the band plays both ‘Sweet Disposition’ (made famous by The Temper Trap) and fan favourite ‘Sunshower’. The vocal harmonies within these songs are both so sweet and are sure to send a shiver down your spine, like they did mine. Complete with all of the between song banter, jokes, heartfelt lyrics and down to earth tunes that we have all grown to love over the past eight years, Most Requested is a great retrospective look at where they have come from and what the future holds for one of Australia’s most entertaining live acts, definitely worth picking up. BY TEX MILLER

Al: Hey kids, we’re back! That’s right, your favourite comic book/ cheesy horror geeks are back with more tales of superheroes and slashers, ready to amaze and delight. Or, you know, not. Whatever’s cool by you! Those of you that read our second column (as you should have, gosh!), you might remember that Cameron and I discussed the 2003 Daredevil movie. I made a less-thansubtle jab at the movie’s quality, much to my partner in crime’s chagrin. At Cameron’s insistence, I re-watched the movie, and as much as it pains my stubborn columnist heart to say it – I’ve changed my mind. While Cameron and I are in agreement that the theatrical version of the movie is pretty poor, the Director’s Cut of the movie is a significant improvement. Granted, the fight in the bar is still ridiculous (the bullets ricocheting off the ceiling fan and burning pool tables being prime examples) but the movie’s construction and plot development is more solid. The added scenes with Coolio also provide a lot of background, showing viewers much more of Matt Murdock’s personality and attitude towards justice. Everything added in the Director’s Cut blends in seamlessly, and it makes me wonder why on earth the content was removed in the first place. If the movie had been released as per the director’s vision, I get the impression it would’ve made a hell of a lot more money. Cameron: Speaking of Daredevil, let’s talk about The Immortal Iron Fist! (Trust me, that sentence will make sense eventually.) Iron Fist comes from the brilliant minds of Ed Brubaker, Matt Fraction and David Aja. If those names sound familiar it’s because we’ve already mentioned the excellent Hawkeye from Fraction and Aja earlier this year, and if you know Brubaker it just means you have excellent taste. I picked up the first trade of Iron Fist due to my love for Hawkeye at the moment, and was not even remotely surprised that it was

also an outright terrific read. Turns out an amazing team of writer and artist, plus a second amazing writer makes for some quality content. Who’d have thought? Anyway, it begins with Danny Rand as Iron Fist investigating (with his fists) a company that works as a front for a bunch of bad dudes, and ends with an invitation to a multi-dimensional kung-fu tournament, and if you haven’t bought it while finishing this sentence I don’t know what’s wrong with you. Now, to return to this Daredevil thing, this first trade also collected the first appearance of the current Iron Fist from the pages of Daredevil. During the Civil War storyline Danny Rand was asked to don the horned suit as he covered for the incarcerated Matt Murdock (secret identity of Daredevil). Lots of punches and fun was had. We’d also both like to send a thank you to All Star Comics on Lonsdale Street this week, as we just spent a ridiculous amount of money in their store, and their staff was downright lovely (and handsome). www.facebook.com/ozpulp http://ozpulp.tumblr.com

live review

Port Fairy Folk Festival Port Fairy, Victoria. March 8- 11, 2013 Port Fairy for me has always been one of Australia’s best music festivals, and 2013 was no exception, with a line-up featuring acts from all over the world including the likes of Arlo Guthrie from the US, and Glen Hansard (from The Frames and The Swell Season fame) from Ireland, just to name a few. Heading down to the coastal town, my excitement grew as we moved closer and closer to the festival precinct. As you would know it is virtually impossible to see everybody on the bill but with just a bit of planning, you can make sure to see your favourites. Friday night saw Lisa Hannigan play songs of her latest album entitled Passenger to a packed and very appreciative stage 3 (the main stage). The highlight of her set was ‘Knots’, which has a very colourful and creative video clip, which is definitely one worth checking out. Saturday, if you were able to get into stage three, the program was nothing but stellar. One of the highlights was definitely the Maton guitar concert

which featured players from all different genres and nationalities particularly Matthew Fagan (ten string classical guitarist extraordinaire) Andrew Winton (thirteen string lap steel player) and rising UK talent Sean Taylor. Without a doubt, one of the main memories I will keep with me forever of the 2013 Port Fairy program, is sitting side of stage watching Arlo Guthrie play songs from his father and folk legend, Woody Guthrie as well as his own classics including ‘Alice’s Restaurant’, ‘Coming Into Los Angeles’. Although I was at first a little sceptical due to seeing other rock stars lose their legacy after all these years, Arlo delivered a set full of stories and sing-alongs that was overall, simply epic. Xavier Rudd playing at Port Fairy, for the second time in a decade was yet another highlight in which, he got the crowd up and grooving with ‘Let Me Be’. Local Warrnamboolians Tom Richardson Project, ended things superbly and turned the circus tent into a massive party for a live recording, which is to be released later this year. Despite some programming issues on this year’s schedule, I thoroughly look forward to seeing what Port Fairy can throw up in 2014! By Tex Miller

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grogwatch Who here buys stuff off the internet? It might seem like the more relevant question should be “who here DOESN’T buy stuff off the internet”, but I’ve just had a twentyfive minute – you wouldn’t really call it a “conversation”, because most conversations don’t involve one person shouting while the other imagines making their head explode Scanners-style – with a neighbour who, it seems, is not happy with the number of times a week the Australia Post parcel truck comes to my house. I mean, at first the neighbour lured me into this co-called “conversation” by asking me if I had packages for work delivered to my house, which I guess some writer types must do (they know what I do for a day job, but I’m still always considered “a writer” because it’s both exotic and explains why I’m occasionally wandering around the yard in my pyjamas in the middle of the afternoon. And also because “writer” sounds classier than “drunk”), but when I told them no, when the package guy comes to my house it’s because I’ve bought something, the fun began. Presumably if it’d been for work that would have been okay, because work is productive or some such shit; because package dude was just dropping off things I’d bought for my own enjoyment, the truck was noisy, smelly, obstructing the street, annoying the children and pets, disturbing the neighbours, and just generally something the neighbour didn’t want in the street. Had I thought about getting a post office box, they asked? Well, no, said I, because the packages are usually too big for a regular post office box and a large P.O.Box costs a frigging fortune. How about asking the post office to collect my mail for me and I could go pick it up once a week? How about sticking your head up your arse, I almost but didn’t quite say because neighbours are really really hard to get rid of so you might as well at least be civil to the nutty old bats. So I just said that wouldn’t be something that worked for me as I don’t

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have a car so how would I get all the big packages home? Also, I can’t afford to buy a car. Also, if I did have a car it’d be just as annoying as the postal van. Also, you’re an idiot. Again, I didn’t say that last one but really, what the hell? Buying stuff off the internet is not exactly a crazy fringe activity, and it’s not like I’m stockpiling cheap fridges here either because I buy one thing and one thing only online despite the fact that – as a few of you have let me know over the last week and yes, I did already know this but thanks for letting me know – most major bottle shop chains will let you order booze online: I buy books. I buy books online because the books I like to read are usually either old or insane and therefore hard to find in regular book shops, and also regular books shops charge crazy prices for new books, hence the reading of the old books. Hey, the words are just as good, and a lot of those old guy writers were crazy in a good way as in crazy offensive rather than just today’s crazy dull. If you have ever doubted for a second that books are almost entirely aimed at women - go take a proper look at the books on sale in your local Dymocks: even the thrillers are pretty girl-friendly these days and everything else not labelled SPORTS is all girl all the time –just take a look at the kind of books that were being published direct-to-paperback in the 60s, 70s and even much of the 80s. Wall-to-wall thugs killing dozens of chumps and if a woman got a look-in usually she came to a nasty end – usually after putting out so the hero had something to do between killing chumps. Seriously, these days books (and movies, and pop culture in general) has shifted a long way down the feminine end of the spectrum, a move that pretty much all sensible people would applaud as a Good Thing even if it has kind of meant that guys looking for guy entertainment are largely stuck with (ugh) sports. So these books are a great way to escape the modern world for a while and be reminded that there is another way of doing things – not a way you’d want to read all day every day, but man, every now and then reading about some guy’s one-man-war on

the global menace of The Mafia (yes, I’m talking about the Executioner series, which I think might still be being published today but after the first 20 or so they start to get repetitive and they must be up to 300 by now) goes a long way towards balancing out accidentally seeing two minutes of that ABC Book Club show. Anyway, so I didn’t bother telling my unhinged neighbour not to worry, the package man was simply delivering a steady stream of violent pornography to my front door; I also didn’t bother telling them the following “hilarious” story, for fear that my suffering and woe would start them cheering and punching the air with glee. First, some background: some of the bookshops I buy books from go a bit overboard with the packaging, sticking a couple of small paperbacks into a box the size of an old-style VCR, and for some reason when packages get to be this size the international delivery hub place likes to stick them in a big white sack, for protection I guess. So occasionally I’ll come home to find a sack roughly the size of a small child on my back porch, which I then have to cut open with bolt cutters because they seal those suckers with the kind of plastic tie the cops use to restrain axe murderers. No big deal, though there’s usually a few minutes of fun as I try to guess what the hell’s inside the bag as the only guide to the contents is a tag attached to the police tie with my address on it. So anyway, about a fortnight ago I come home to one of these big-ass bags and oh goody, this must be the bumper collection of crime comics – remember that Sin City movie of a few years ago? It was a big set of them – I ordered a while ago. Out come the bolt cutters, snip snip snip man this is hard work snip snip snip there we go, finally the damn thing is open and out comes my package. One problem: it’s a lot heavier than a couple of comic books should be. Second problem: it’s a lot bigger than even a couple of well-packaged comic books should be. Third problem: it’s not from the book store I ordered the comic books from. Fourth problem: it’s not actually addressed to me. Unless, you know, a twister come along in the night and blew my house to Singapore, in which case it’s in the right place and I’m the one messed up.

it doing at my place. Oh right: check the tag. Yep, somewhere – in Germany, it seems – someone put this package bound for Singapore in a bag with a tag with my address on it. Did they just have a bag with a tag with my name lying around? Of course not: remember how I was expecting a package roughly this size at roughly this time? Clearly the dumb f**ks at GlobalPostHQ had mixed up the bags, and now some guy in Singapore was enjoying my books. You may be wondering: did I actually open the package I did receive? Nope: I already have a metric shitload of books as it is, and the chances of these books being books I actually wanted was slim to none. So for once in my life I did the right thing, and took the unopened package back to the post office. Well, first I missed my bus so I had to walk two blocks carrying 15 kilos of books to the other bus stop where the next bus wasn’t for another half an hour, but eventually I made it to the post office where – in a sign of just how stupid I really am – I still somehow figured they’d be able to do something about my missing package. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-hano: all I got was a whole lot of “gee, that’s weird” comments from Gomer f**king Pyle behind the counter, who reassured me that the package I was returning would maybe go to the guy it was addressed to, or maybe be returned to sender “or something” – seriously, “or something” – and as for me ever getting my stuff, the sum total of his advice was “good luck”. But at least it was said in a tone that actually meant “good luck” and not “fat chance”. Maybe my neighbour was right: buying stuff online is shit. Tony “Still, I did get a copy of the UK bluray of Glengarry Glen Ross in the mail safe and sound” Montana

This isn’t like they dumped the package two doors up from the correct address or anything: this package has been sent to the wrong country. And yet, all over the actual package it’s clearly addressed to some guy in Singapore. So what’s

QUESTION:

“What is your favourite festival that you have played at? Or attended?”

Deborah Conway

Rupert Keiller

PEZ

Will Sparks

Jesper Eklow

(Singer / Songwriter/ Goddess)

(Sonic Animation)

(Hip-Hop Artist)

(DJ/ Producer)

Big Day Out

Falls Festival, Marion Bay (2006) **Inspired the

(Lead Guitarist, Endless Boogie)

Edinburgh festival (1990)

now famous Festival Song

Goodlife Festival

(both Melbourne and Sydney)

Golden Plains Music Festival (2012)


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