Forte Magazine Issue 547

issue 547 2 9 NOV 20 12 next issue:14 DEC 2012 • • • • •

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money for rope

ballarat bendigo geelong surfcoast warrnambool werribee

EN L A C

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM

FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard

Summer!

It’s almost that time of year again.

Clean the cobwebs out of the barby and dust off that esky, chuck on your thongs and singlets as they crawl out of closet hibernation. During the long hot days expect some fiercely competitive backyard cricket, followed by balmy nights and the relentless bombardment of our most laoth-worthy insect enemy, the mozzi. Despite the cringe-worthy ‘hum’ of that last infuriating mosquito in your room after lights out, it is without doubt the best time of the year.

general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara

luke@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................Briana Roach

James Dulce SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Sarah Gross

Forte territory - especially our coastal spots, is a hive of activity as people flock to our region to enjoy the festive season. It is for this particular reason that we have decided to include a ‘What’s on for Summer’ section in this issue. It will have all the info you need about music, food, coastal locations, festivals and summer fun. What’s more, it will run for all five of our key summer editions.

OPEN STAGE

THURSDAY 29TH NOVEMBER FRIDAY 7TH DECEMBER

CASTLEMAINE FRINGE FUNDRAISER 8:30PM

JIM KENYON

SATURDAY 8TH DECEMBER

SATURDAY 1ST DECEMBER

DEBACLE EXTINCT EXIST

8:30PM $12

8:30PM $8

KROMOSOM

8:30PM $12

KUTCHA EDWARDS SUNDAY 2ND DECEMBER

SEAN MCMAHON’S WESTERN UNION 4PM FREE

SUNDAY 9THDECEMBER

SEAN MCMAHON’S WESTERN UNION 4PM FREE

COMING SOON

14/12 MA PETITE 15/12 CHRIS ALTMAN 20/12 BERLIN POSTMARK, 21/12 REBECCA BARNARD

MUSIC TRAINING IN GEELONG

Diplomas in Music Performance, Composition and Teaching Diploma of Music Specialise in Tuition, Composition or Performance Supportive Adult Learning Environment Last chance to obtain 100% Gov’t funded Music Diploma Enrolling now for November

22/12 THE EARS (FEAT SAM SEJAVKA) 29/12 COSMO JARVIS Follow us on facebook www.facebook.com/thebridgecastlemaine

Contact us

1300 855 846 traininginfo@mwtinstitute.com.au www.mwtinstitute.com.au

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FREE ENROLMENT

*If eligible for the Victorian and Commonwealth Government funding scheme.

7:30PM FREE

FRIDAY 30TH NOVEMBER

Marc Wilkins marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

ADVERTISERS AND AGENTS ARE ADVISED THAT ALL ADVERTISING COPY IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY UNDER THE TRADE PRACTICES ACT. ADVERTISEMENTS ARE PUBLISHED IN GOOD FAITH AND ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE CONTENT IS LEGITIMATE AND LAWFUL. ADVERTISERS AND OR AGENTS SUBMIT ADVERTISEMENTS AT THEIR OWN RISK. THE EDITOR AND CREATORS HOLD NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE CONTENT OF THE MAGAZINE IN THE CASE THAT IT MAY OFFEND. FORTE ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ERRORS OR OMISSIONS. FORTE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL ARTICLES AND LETTERS.

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CONTRIBUTORS...................

Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana

WEDNESDAY 28TH NOVEMBER

NIKKO

So whether you dig summer markets, Sunday Sessions, coastal trips, live gigs or cold beers (or all of the above!) we are now providing you with hundreds of different memorable ways to spend your sunshine. All the regular shenanigans are still here for your enjoyment. So go ahead...read on!

CHERRYWOOD

Bec McIntyre bec@fortemag.com.au

We have also updated and improved our Gig Guide.

It is now known as the Fort-Nightly Calendar & Gig Guide and it’s relocated to the front of the mag. After a long awaited epiphany, we realised why hide the Gig Guide up the back? The Fort-nightly calendar/ Gig Guide is now bigger and more comprehensive than ever!

OPEN STAGE

April Grenfell

ADVERTISING ......................Anton Ballard

aballard@fortemag.com.au

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the HIGHLIGHTS Great thoughts of stoners: Dude, dude, dude, dude. Die Hard is awesome. Twilight should be Die Hard because then it would be good. Coming up you have… ................................................

BE BRAVE AND Shave! _ _ _ A good cause if ever there was one is The Leukaemia Foundation’s World’s Greatest Shave. Taking place from March 14 to March 17 next year, some 150,000 people are expected to shave their head or colour their hair in support of cancer research and support. All the information you need to know can be found through worldsgreatestshave. com or 1800 500 088. They even have a handy little iPhone App so you can fundraise by using your phone. Be Brave and Shave.

kurt cobain _ _ _ A new documentary on Kurt Cobain is expected to be released in 2014 marking the 20 th anniversary of his death. Behind the wheel is Brett Morgen, the man responsible for the Rolling Stones doco Crossfire Hurricane. Some chick called Courtney Love brought the idea to Morgen.

Speaking with the New York Post Morgen said, “We are going to do the movie sort of like a thirdperson autobiography – [as] if Kurt was around and making a film about his life.”

james sidebottom

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star trek INTO DARKNESS _ _ _ Trekkies will get a chance to catch the first nine minutes of the hyped new Star Trek movie when a special preview hits select IMAX 3D screens around the country on December 14. Titled Star Trek Into Darkness, the film is all very secretive at the moment with J.J. Abrams releasing a few teaser frames on Conan a little while back. The tactic is similar to that used for The Dark Knight Rises. The preview will screen before The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey.

ringo starr

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30 seconds to mars _ _ _ Despite a few break-up rumours earlier in the year, all is well in the 30 Seconds to Mars camp.

Sure, they took a breather but now they’re well and truly focused on getting a new album up and going.

Speaking with the BBC, frontman Jared Leto said, “It will be stronger, better, more evolved. It’s a complete transformation for us. [We have] cut out a lot of fat and focused on the core of what we do.”

You can look forward to that in 2013.

___ Geelong’s James Sidebottom recently received a massive leg-up courtesy of being named a Songwriter category finalist in the Telstra Road to Discovery music development program.

Originally from Ballarat, the singer-songwriter moved to Geelong this year to balance his music life with life as a Chiropractor. James impressed judges with his ‘journey-man’ appeal. He hopes to release his debut next year.

KISS + Mötley Crü ___ Well, it’s happening. KISS and Mötley Crüe are heading to our shores for some hedonistic rock ‘n’ roll. They’re evening bringing a revamped Thin Lizzy with them. Both KISS and Mötley Crüe will play a set clocking in at around 90 minutes which is just enough time to hear a solid slab of greatest hits.

Ticket prices varied with bigger bucks entitling you to a KISS meet and greet. Etihad Stadium – March 5. Side note: Crüe stickman Tommy Lee has teamed up with Australia’s Unit Apparel to design his signature clothing range.

___ Once upon a time there was a band called The Beatles. They had a drummer called Ringo Starr.

The Beatles had the odd hit here and there and Starr later had the golden touch with songs including ‘It Don’t Come Easy’, ‘Photograph’, ‘Little Help from my Friends’, ‘Yellow Submarine’ and newie, ‘Wings’. Starr and his All-Starr Band have added a second show, playing Festival Hall on February 16 & 17 (new show).

1-2 DECEMBER GEELONG WATERFRONT

10584-PACE

TIME TRIALS AND CLASSIC MOTORSHOW

FASHION, FESTIVAL AND FAMILY FUN

MUSIC, MUNCHIES, MARKETS AND MUCH MORE

Geelong Revival brings sprints back to the waterfront with over 270 classic and contemporary cars and motorbikes racing. Plus, over 400 vehicles on display across the waterfront on Saturday 1st and Sunday 2nd December.

Racing starts at 9.30am.

Dress up in period and win big at Fashions on the Field.

Judging is at 11am on Sunday or just enjoy the festival atmosphere. Bring the kids along to the Kidzone on Steampacket place for some colouring-in action and check out the displays all along the waterfront.

The main stage will have music by the Blues Train all weekend and the Market on Steampacket and the Motor Expo at Eastern Beach will run both days. Great food and hospitality will be available right across the waterfront.

Join in the fun and festivities.

WWW.GEELONGREVIVAL.COM.AU 10

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THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours neil young

nitro circus

descendents

neil young & crazy horse ___ Showing no signs of slowing down, Neil Young and Crazy Horse will make their way to our shores in March, 2013. Big news, ey? Neil was last here in 2009 as a surprise headliner for the Big Day Out and his performances blew even the biggest doubters away. This year Neil and his crew have released two albums: Americana and Psychedelic Pill. Rod Laver Arena – March 15. Note: Neil and co will also perform at A Day on the Green at Geelong’s Hill Winery on March 16.

justin timberlake + myspace _ _ _ In June last year Justin Timberlake bought ailing social network Myspace with the intention of relaunching it as an artist-centric service. As Rolling Stone reported Timberlake spoke to reporters about what was seen as a massive gamble. “We never looked at this as some sort of rebranding or reinvention. This was for us a completely new platform. The name was acquired but I think that was a good thing for us. The important thing up until this point...was to really give it an identity.” The first look has been unveiled.

___ If punk rock could be summed up in one word many would say Descendents. As one of the most influential punk acts and one that is widely considered pioneers of the modern day pop-punk and skate-punk scene, the Descendents have been off and on for more than 30 years. They played Australia for the first time in 2010 but haven’t kept fans waiting too long on a return visit. Festival Hall – February 9. With Bouncing Souls, Frenzal Rhomb and Bodyjar.

jim james ___ Jim James, who has led My Morning Jacket for some 15 years, will release his debut solo album in the early stage of the new year. Titled Regions of Light and Sound of God, the album was recorded in his home studio over the past couple of years.

James plays almost every instrument on the album.

He has previously released an EP as Yim Yames and participated in the supergroup Monsters of Folk. ................................................

the bronx _ _ _ The Bronx will release their new album The Bronx (IV) in February, 2013. The album will be their first since 2008’s The Bronx (III) which NME called “brilliantly sleazy punk rock ‘n’ roll album.” It’s not like they have been slack in between dates with band members releasing two eponymously titled mariachi albums as Mariachi El Bronx. To tie you over in the meantime you can check out new song ‘Ribcage’ online.

_ _ _ Do you love death defying stunts? Do you love mind blowing tricks and crazy antics? If you answered something along the lines of ‘Hell Yeah’, boy have I got something for you. Nitro Circus is heading Down Under with a whole lotta thunder next year. Coming at you are 40 athletes including 13 times X Games medallist Nate Adams (USA), 8 time X Games medallist Adam Jones (USA), and Aussie wonder Cam Sinclair. Simmonds Stadium, Geelong – March 20 & Latrobe City Sports Stadium – March 23.

GDH EVENTS FORTEMAG.COM.AU

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALEND Saturday December 1

RUMORS NIGHTCLUB: Bobby Vend

GOLDEN PLAINS FARMER’S MARKET: Free entry, free parking, Bannockburn, from 9am

BEAV’S BAR: Steve Pianto EDGE: Live entertainment GOLD DIGGERS: Live entertianment

EUREKA: Eureka Residents feat. Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB & more JUST CARS GEELONG REVIVAL: Geelong Waterfront THE SPHINX: Retro A Go Go Girls Girls Girls! Meal & Show

Thursday November 29 EUREKA: Indian Summer DJ’s feat. Matt Black, Simon-One, Chris Van, Shorty-J & more ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Claude Hay KOROVA LOUNGE: Yung warriors THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Nikko, Cherrywood THE MAX HOTEL: Innquizitive Trivia from 7.30pm RUMORS NIGHTCLUB: Masquerade Party feat. Katt Niall BEAVS BAR: Andy Forster

Friday November 30

ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Jimmy Graham (afternoon) & Luke Pote (night) KOROVA LOUNGE: Like Royalty STUFEST 2012 LIVE MUSIC FESTIVAL: Fundraiser at Kanagaroo Flat Leisure Centre feat. The Steins & To The Rescue QUEENSCLIFF BLUESTRAIN: Claude Hay, 8 Ball Aitken, Jimi Hocking’s Blues Machine, Louis King THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Kutcha Edwards STEREOSONIC: Tiesto, Aviici, Example, Calvin Harris & more, Melbourne Showgrounds THE MAX HOTEL: Hey Charger

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Shandelle Cooke JUST CARS GEELONG REVIVAL: Geelong Waterfront ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Matt Katsis SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Sean McMahon’s Western Union OCEAN GROVE CRAFT MARKET: Kingston Park from 9am BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Nightclub feat. Robyn Gold & Jack Talbot from 3am

KING OF BARRABOOL: SMCC MotorX Trials

CITY QUARTER: Live entertianment

TORQUAY FESTIVAL: Art, culture, street parade, music & dance

Tuesday December 4

LIFE SAVING VICTORIA: Summer Surf Series #1, Torquay Surf Life Saving Club TOAST NIGHTCLUB: The Sleepover feat. Digger Please, Keep Left, Ned Lucas & Jump Street

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: 80’s R Us THE SPHINX: Karaoke from 10pm ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Sam Fletcher THE BENDED ELBOW: San Cisco with Chela & The Belligerants KOROVA LOUNGE: Evil Eddie THE BRIDGE HOTEL: The Tiger and Me, Jim Kenyon THE MAX HOTEL: Trojan HARVESTER MOON: Claude Hay & 8 Ball Aitken (Double bill) THE PALAIS: Midnight Wollf ‘I’ll be a Dog’ Vinyl Launch, Hepburn Springs BLACK HATT: Fistful of Steel BEAV’S BAR: Ross O’Connell

FORTEMAG.COM.AU

Sunday December 2

LAMBYS: DJ Joe Joe, Passion Fruit Pop

HOME HOUSE: City Sessions - Gina Turner (NYC)

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CITY QUARTER: Live entertianment

SMALL WONDERS: Group Exhibition of Small Works, Eagle’s Nest Gallery, Aireys Inlet

BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Specials

LAMBYS: Test Pilot Molly, DJ Joe Joe

LAMBYS: Stella, DJ Cliff

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Fig Jam

TORQUAY HOTEL- Loren

Saturday Dec 1st - THE TORQUAY HOTEL

THE LOFT: Midnight Woolf ‘I’ll be a Dog’ Vinyl Launch Tour, Warrnambool

BARWON CLUB: Glitter Gang HOME HOUSE: Summadayze Launch Party feat. Rob Pix

loren

DEAKIN WATERFRONT CAFE: Ultimate BeeGees Tribute Show

EDGE: Levi, Cody

lagwagon

CITY QUARTER: Tom and Tayla

Saturday Dec 8th - THE BENDED ELBOW

EDGE: Live entertainment

THE MAX HOTEL: Deakin Swing Dancing Club

DAR & GIG GUIDE

CHARDY Saturday Dec 8th - TOAST NIGHTCLUB

Wednesday December 5

The Hog Stompin’ Zydegators Duo THE BENDED ELBOW: Revolution Fridays launch feat. original bands and Djs KOROVA LOUNGE: Dead

THE PETER LALOR HOTEL: MashUp Party feat Dj Sever

THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Castlemaine Fringe Fundraiser

KOROVA LOUNGE: Jeff Martin

THE MAX HOTEL: Trojan

THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Open Stage

HARVESTER MOON: Carus Thompson

BLACK HATT: Pool Comp from 7pm

BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid

BEAV’S BAR: Karaoke Open Mic Night, Andy Forster

LAMBYS: Test Pilot Molly, DJ Joe Joe

Thursday December 6 BARWON CLUB: Evil Eddie, Polo Club & Special Guests EUREKA: Stevie Mink feat. Matt Balck, Simon-One, TVB & more BLACK HATT: Open Mic Night from 7pm, Tradies Night 5pm-7pm BEAV’S BAR: Dave Anderson

Friday December 7 THE BARWON CLUB: Residents + Half Pints TORQUAY HOTEL: Bobby Alu QUEENSCLIFF BLUESTRAIN: Lloyd Spiegel Duo, Zevon Hiltz, Sweet Felecia & The Honey Tones, The Mojo Corner BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Specials SAINTS & SAILORS: Dog Gone South (Blues 3-piece) Portarlington THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Activate ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY:

EDGE: Live entertainment

Saturday December 8 ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Mr Hyde HOME HOUSE: Turn Da House Upside Down feat. Tom Evans, Miss Mills, DJ Jaqui Dusk & DJ A.K. EUREKA: James Fava, Matt Balck, Simon-One, TVB and more THE SPHINX: Queen Tribute, Meal & Show ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Jamie Pye (afternoon), Eric Stribley’s Party Of One (night) THE BENDED ELBOW: Lagwagon with Smith Street Band & Japan For TORQUAY HOTEL: Madhouse TORQUAY BOWLS CLUB: A Swinging Christmas Celebration feat. The David Gardener Swing Quartet KOROVA LOUNGE: Dreadnaught QUEENSCLIFF BLUESTRAIN: Lloyd Spiegel Duo, Mr Black & Blues, Blue Eyes Cry, Andrea Marr Band THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Kromosom FORTEMAG.COM.AU

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THE BARKING DOG

126 Pakington St. Geelong West

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BARWON CLUB

509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

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BARWON HEADS HOTEL

1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

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THE BASEMENT 159

159 Moorabool St. Geelong

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BEAVS BAR

77 Little Malop St. Geelong

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THE BENDED ELBOW BALLARAT 120 Lydiard St (North). Ballarat

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THE BENDED ELBOW GEELONG 69 Yarra St. Geelong

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black hatt

54 Little Myers St. Geelong

evil eddie Thursday Dec 6th - THE BARWON CLUB

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THE BLUESTONE

103 Marr St. Ballarat

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Bridge hotel castlemaine 21 Walker St. Castlemain

Debacle, Extinct Exist BARWON HEADS HOTEL: One Of Them Nights feat. Acid Jacks, Sebastian Luneez, Louisana & more

PLUS INTERNATIONALS INCLUDING CHRIS SMITHER | EUGENE HIDEAWAY BRIDGES | GO JANE GO JOHN MCCUTCHEON | LISA HANNIGAN | LAU | SEAN TAYLOR SARA LEE GUTHRIE & JOHNNY IRION | SETH LAKEMAN | THE POPES TUBA SKINNY | RED MOLLY | ALASDAIR FRASER & NATALIE HAAS NATIONAL ACTS INCLUDE ROOTS & RHYTHMS CHRIS WILSON & THE PIRATES OF BEER | KIM CHURCHILL THE BOSTOCKS | THE SKY ROCKATS | THE TOM RICHARDSON PROJECT | JAY HOAD SONGCATCHERS ERIC BOGLE & THE BOGLE BAND | FRANCISCUS HENRI MATTHEW FAGAN | THE NYMPHS

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CLOUD 9

96 Pakington St. Geelong West

CAROLS BY THE SEA: Banyul Warri Fields, Torquay from 7.30pm

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

LAMBYS: Stella, DJ Cliff EDGE: Live entertainment

Club TITANIUM

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eastern station

81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

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THE EDGE

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

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ELEPHANT AND CASTLE

158 McKillop St. Geelong

GOLD DIGGERS: Live entertianment

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CITY QUARTER: Live entertianment

98 Little Malop St. Geelong

THE EUREKA

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Sunday December 9

THE gateway HOTEL

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

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THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

236-258 Surfcoast Highway

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DEAKIN WATERFRONT CAFE: An Afternoon with Wendy Matthews

GROWLERS

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE: Tiger Brown

HOME HOUSE

THREE LITTLE BIRDS MARKET: Cunningham Pier, 3pm

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SLEEPY HOLLOW BLUES CLUB: Catfish Voodoo, Geelong Tradehall Basement 3pm

23 The Esplanade. Torquay

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40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong

IRISH MURPHY'S

30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

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JACK AND JILL

HIP HIP SHE BANG: Sunday Session @ The Torquay Bowls Club feat. Neil Murray and Yirrimal & The Yolngu Boys

247 Moorabool St. Geelong

SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan

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THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Sean McMahon’s Western Union

MR. HYDE

WORLD SOUNDS GRACE BARBE AFRO-KREOL | MADRE MONTE THE HOG STOMPIN’ ZYDEGATORS

THE MAX HOTEL: Sidewayz on Sunday & Klozet Sundays presents ‘Christmas Glow Party’

THE NATIONAL HOTEL

COMEDY/THEATRE/HOSTS GIBB TODD | NICK CHARLES THE BEDROOM PHILOSOPHER | THE MAN THEY CALL THE BANJO

AIREYS INLET MARKET: Fresh produce, arts & crafts

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mount Duneed

CROSSROADS ANDREW WINTON | BLUE SHADDY | THE LOUISIANA ROADSHOW CASH SAVAGE & THE LAST DRINKS JAZZ, SOUL, FUNK & FUN BABY ET LULU | TANK DILEMMA | THE UGLY UNCLES THE ROYAL JELLY DIXIELAND BAND CELTIC COLOURS RIOGH | ROUND MOUNTAIN GIRLS | THE RAMSHACKLE ARMY

COUNTRY ROOTS ANDY ALBERTS & THE WALKABOUTS | MUSTERED COURAGE SUZANNAH ESPIE | THE STILLSONS

20 International Acts 100 National Acts 9HQXHV )RXU 'D\V

TICKETS ONLINE NOW

www.portfairyfolkfestival.com BOX OFFICE 03 5568 2227

BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Nightclub feat. Chardy & Matt Magoo from 3am LAMBYS: DJ Joe Joe, Passion Fruit Pop

LAMBYS

Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

THE MAX

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

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11 Malop St. Geelong

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191 Moorabool St. Geelong

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odyssey

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OPIUM BAR

15 James St. Geelong

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Peter Lalor Hotel 331 Mair St. Ballarat

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CITY QUARTER: Live entertianment

5 James St. Geelong

RUMORS

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Wednesday December 12 KOROVA LOUNGE: Mike Noga (The Drones)

FORTEMAG.COM.AU

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EDGE: Live entertainment

THE PETER LALOR HOTEL: MashUp Party feat. Dj Sever 14

Cunningham Pier, Geelong

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BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid

ARLO GUTHRIE | FINBAR FUREY | GLEN HANSARD RUTHIE FOSTER | CHRISTINE ANU | GURRUMUL RUSSELL MORRIS | KATE MILLER-HEIDKE SHANE HOWARD & GUESTS | THE LITTLE STEVIES

CITY QUARTER

THE MAX HOTEL: Traffic Jam

TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Chardy, Hey Sam, Dope Shit, Butters & more

PRESENTS

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SLATE Pool Lounge

50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

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THE SPHINX

2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

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TOAST

114 Moorabool St. Geelong

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FORTEMAG.COM.AU

15

of this Ep was one of the first glimpses of their now infamous reputation for wearing strategically placed socks). Soon, however the news of Hillel’s overdose rocked the band to the core. That was the last straw for Iron’s who quit the band soon after and is famously quoted as saying he refused “to be part of something where my friends are dying.”

Flea and Anthony had a problem - they needed a lead guitarist and drummer, and fast. They were gaining momentum and felt pressure from the record company to continue writing and recording.

They hired drummer D.H Peligro and guitarist DeWayne “Blackbird” McKnight, before replacing them with Chad Smith (“This guy eats drums for breakfast!”- Flea) and John Frusciante. Everything clicked and by August `89 Mother’s Milk (their first gold record) was released. Around this time it is reported that on a press junket for MM, The Chili’s had a run-in with a then fledging, young music journalist, who later went on to be known as Marliyn Manson!

Leaving EMI to sign with Warner Bros, Blood Sugar Sex Magik followed in the fall of `91. On the U.S tour the Peppers were joined by three up-andcoming bands: The Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam and Nirvana. All three would go on to shape the musical landscape of the nineties and beyond.

For a band that thrives on chaos, the good times would come to an abrupt end when guitarist Frusiante quit the band suddenly while on tour in Japan. At the time he asked his manager to write a press release stating that he had gone insane.

He would go on to battle a six year drug addiction, while trying to launch a solo career. Janes Addiction’s Dave Navarro is brought in to replace Frusicante, but nothing much happens until 1995, when ‘One Hot Minute’ drops and they go on to play 64 gigs in 21 countries. However, personal and creative differences could not be ignored and by early `98 newly sober and stable Frusticante rejoins the guys.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers writen By Natalie Rogers

“The miracle of manipulating energy and tapping into an infinite source of power and harnessing it in a small space with your friends, was what I was put on this earth to do.” Anthony Kiedis `83 Funk and punk-fuelled rock, with a little psychedelic thrown in, they are nothing if not original. This genre-bending band has survived break–ups, break downs, death and drug addiction. They have beaten all the odds, remained true to themselves and made some beautiful music along the way.

Earlier this year the Red Hot Chili Peppers were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and celebrated the 21st anniversary of Blood Sugar Sex Magik, the album that put them on the map

on a global scale, but it didn’t begin there, not even close. Sit back relax and enjoy your cheat guide to one of the world’s biggest bands.

Picture this: LA’s Fairfax High School circa `76, Melbourne-born Michael ‘Flea’ Balzary meets Anthony Kiedis - two outcasts, living in a teenage waste land who chose smoking weed and parties over everything else. Of their first meeting Flea had said, “My mom tells me when I first met Anthony, I came home from school and was all, ‘MOM, MOM, I FOUND SOMEONE I CAN TALK TO!’ We just became best friends.”

It was during this time Anthony and Flea were first seduced by the bright lights of Sunset Strip, and they could often be found hanging in the car parks of the Starwood or The Whiskey. Early influences were hard-core political punks Black Flag and English post-punk band, Gang of Four. “I was really into ‘virtuoso rock’- and I still dig a lot of that stuff,” Flea recalled, “but now it was punk rock, rap, and the Gang of Four. That was the big one, the one that got us all to hang a sharp musical left.”

Fast forward now to 1983 and the two friends had

formed Tony Flow and the Miraculous Master of Mayhem, along with school friend Hillel Slovak, as well as drummer Jack Irons from Slovak’s band What Is This? Shockingly the masters enjoyed limited success. After the wise decision to change their name from The Flow to The Chili Peppers, minus Slovak and Irons, EMI Records signed the band to a seven album deal, and by summer `84 their debut album was released. Meanwhile John Lydon, aka ex-Sex Pistol Johnny Rotten, notices bassist Flea’s natural talent and tries to poach him for his new project Public Image Ltd (PiL), luckily to no avail.

The beginning of 1985, spelled a reunion of sorts when Slovak rejoined the band and with the help of P- Funk legend, George Clinton, Freaky Styley is produced. On working with Clinton, Anthony said: “George was a compassionate genius who appeared amused and delighted by the Chili Peppers, especially as he was a fan of Hillel’s playing.” Over the next few years the band seemed to be on a perpetual rollercoaster ride. Jack Iron’s was back and the guys relished their first taste of success with ‘The Uplift Mojo Party Plan’ and the release of their first Ep Abbey Road (the cover

Now the stage was set for arguably the finest effort to date and the band felt re-born. Smith noted that, “Californication was amazing on many different levels, for many different reasons. Having John back was a huge thing for us. It felt like a new band.”

Re-invigorated and ready to take on the world, the Chili Peppers spent the next six years travelling the globe. Anthony was reportedly keen to get back in the studio and the result was Stadium Arcadium which gained favourable reviews, with Rolling Stone stating that it was the band’s best album yet and giving it a rating of 4/5.

Over the next few years the band continued to tour, while also focusing on their side projects.

Flea also joined Thom Yorke of Radiohead in the supergroup Atoms for Peace. Frusicante continued his solo career and released his solo album, The Empyrean. Chad Smith worked with Sammy Hagar, Joe Satriani, and Michael Anthony on the supergroup, Chickenfoot, as well as on his solo project, Chad Smith’s Bombastic Meatbats.

In October 2009 the band officially ended their hiatus and, minus Frusciante, entered the studio to begin writing for their tenth studio album. The band was joined by Josh Klinghoffer, who to the public was still the band’s backup touring guitarist, although it was later confirmed that he was already an official member, and in fact Frusciante’s replacement. In December 2009 Frusciante made the announcement that he had officially quit the band, sometime before 2009. Frusciante explained that there was no drama or anger about him leaving the band this time, though he felt his musical interests had led him in a different direction, and that he needed to fully focus his efforts on his solo career.

I’m with You is the tenth studio album by the Peppers, released in the summer of 2011, with Kiedis reportedly musing that “every time the final curtain has been suggested for The Red Hot Chili Peppers, it turns out to be a fake-out.”

See the guys at Big Day Out 2013, alongside legends in the making The Killers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and some of Forte Mag`s favourites, Hunting Grounds, Grinspoon and Every Time I Die, just to name a few!

When&Where: Big Day Out, Melbourne January 26th

CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR WEEKEND @ FRIDAY 28 DECEMBER 2012 – TUESDAY 1ST JANUARY 2013 Live music and DJs all weekend | Prime viewing position for NYE 9.15pm & Midnight fireworks Open all day for breakfast, lunch and dinner over the whole long weekend | Free entry Ph: (03) 5222 2666 | edgegeelong.com.au | 6–8 Eastern Beach Rd, Geelong, Victoria, 3220 16

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Edge Geelong

@EdgeBarGeelong

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MUSIC / ART / LIFESTYLE / PERFORMANCE / RELAXAT ION / HEALING / CAMPING

Ella Hooper

By Brendan Dando

Coming a long way from her days as the teenage frontwoman of rock band Killing Heidi, Ella Hooper has chosen to take her career down a completely new path. Recently breaking out into the solo world with her new single ‘Low High’, which comes from her forthcoming debut solo album In Tongues, Hooper’s new sound is a far cry from what we’ve come to expect from her in the past.

“People often comment on how it doesn’t sound like Killing Heidi or The Verses, which is great because I’m trying to make people realise that this is a new phase for me, and a whole new musical genre that I’m going into,” she reveals with a sense of accomplishment.

‘Low High’ is Hooper’s first solo release, and also features a guest cameo from her friends and fellow musicians, Graveyard Train. “I’ve known them since before they were even a band, so I figured now would be the perfect time to call in a favour from them.” Not only has Hooper known the Graveyard Train guys for years, but some of them are currently her neighbours. She jokes, “one of the best things about it is that I can pretty much invite them over whenever I like and score a free concert.”

Although Hooper was suffering from the flu whilst recording most of In Tongues, she liked the sound it gave her, which even led to ‘ Low High’ being recorded in just one take. “Sometimes when you’re

The Bamboos

By Ophelia Symons

Since their beginning in 2001, The Bamboos have already been named one of the greatest funk and soul bands of our time. With a total of five studio albums to their name featuring guest vocals from the likes of Tim Rogers, Megan Washington, Aloe Blacc, Daniel Merriweather and Bobby Flynn they’re backed up by an explosive live show that’s seen them play the main stage at music festivals all over the country. The Bamboos will be kicking off the New Year with a heap of other seriously talented local and international bands and artists on the main stage at this years Falls Music & Arts Festival.

I spoke to band-leader and guitarist Lance Furguson to talk about the huge Falls Festival, their recent ARIA nominations and the next album.

Falls Festival takes place annually over the New Years long weekend in Lorne(VIC) and Marion Bay(TAS) and has been running for almost 20 years.

This year’s lineup features American rockers and now Guinness World Record holders for the most concerts performed in 24 hours (it was eight by the way!) The Flaming Lips, one of the greatest rock & roll bands of our time The Hives, Irish lads Two Door Cinema Club and of course Melbourne’s own funk and soul ambassadors The Bamboos. “We’ve played the Falls Festival once before maybe three years ago or something, this time we’re playing the main stage which will really be a thrill because we played one of the smaller stages last time so it’s going to be great to get out on the main stage for sure,” tells Lance.

Sleeping with Sirens

By Ophelia Symons

When it`s right, it`s right. As seems to be the case for Sleeping With Sirens, Florida’s latest poppunk juggernaut. Once members of rival bands in the Orlando area, Kellin Quinn (vocals), Justin Hills (bass), Jesse Lawson (guitars), Jack Fowler (guitar) and Gabe Barham (drums) are on the fast track to the fast lane.

Calling me after a sold out gig in Salt Lake City Utah, Justin had to yell over the loud buzz happening backstage. I started our chat by asking how the gig had gone. “The venue is massive, it was totally cool!”

He shouted over the noise. Obviously everyone was in good spirits, but I couldn`t help but think that he sounded tired and it sounded like he was losing his voice. On the tail end of an epic tour of North America that culminates in Las Vegas at the legendary Hard Rock Cafe, the guys won`t be enjoying a white Christmas or a well earned break this festive season.

“We are actually writing a new record, so most of the Christmas break we will be sitting in a room writing and recording,” says Justin.

Even with the constant touring, the guys know how to have a little fun. To celebrate Americas favourite holiday Halloween, they released a one off single aptly titled ‘Dead Walker Texas Ranger’ (checkout the spooky film clip athttp://blog.sleepingwithsirens. net.) “Kellin was actually sick, so we couldn`t play that night, but we still all got dressed up and made the best of it,” he laughed.

compromised you do your best work, because you’re not actually worrying about getting it right, you’re just worried about getting it at all,” she says.

“It’s all about what you can pull off and the kind of attitude you do it with.”

Many fans may see the song ‘Mascara’ as the beginning for Hooper’s career, but she insists it all came from the song that won Killing Heidi the Triple J Unearthed competition in 1996, ‘Kettle’. “It’s a very special song to me, I mean when people say ‘Kettle’, I feel like I’m thirteen again back at home in Violet Town. I know exactly where we were when we wrote that song and I’ll never forget it.”

Crashing onto the scene at the early age of thirteen certainly had both its positives and negatives for Ella Hooper. “There’s a lot of talented musos out there who don’t catch their lucky break, so I always appreciated the wild ride I was on. I just wished for one more year to enjoy being a kid, but of course life doesn’t work like that,” says Ella.

2012 has been a busy, yet important year for Ella Hooper. With a new career, new music and a positive outlook on life, she has made the most of every opportunity thrown her way. With her debut solo album In Tongues set for release in early 2013, Hooper is just glad she still has the opportunity to produce music that makes her happy. “I don’t need to it to tear up the charts or win an Aria. I’d just love to get it into the ears of people who I think would appreciate it,” ends Ella.

RELEASE: In Tongues set to be released early 2013 One thing that makes The Bamboos so great is their use of instruments. On record you can hear a whole collection of different musical instruments like strings, saxophone, organs, drums, guitar and a variety of voices that make for the epic sound heard in a lot of the band’s songs. And while a few of those instruments are easy enough to bring on tour, a few get left behind, which left me wondering how their music on record transitions into live show material.

“Well, I think there’s certain elements where I go off on crazy tangents in the studio and bring in strings and oboes and all this sort of stuff and it’s very difficult to travel around with a string quartet to use live, so I guess the shows are a little more stripped back on those sort of songs. but I think it’s quite energetic and intense and I think our shows are definitely more dance high-energy based which can work well at the open air sort of things.,” tells Lance.

Their unique sound and their engaging live shows have lead to three ARIA nominations for the Best Live Act, Best Independent Release and Best Urban Album for Medicine Man. “That’s amazing, it’s a thrill on many levels you know, John Castle who produced Medicine Man with me, we worked so hard on the record in all areas trying to make this the best Bamboos record ever and I guess there’s no denying that to get the recognition and to get people to pick up on what we’re doing is really good because we did work so hard on it. Another big thing is that one of the nominations is for best live act and we’ve always prided ourselves on what we do live and we started out as a live act before we even made any records so it’s really nice to know that people enjoy what we’ve been doing.”

Their ARIA nominated album Medicine Man was released earlier this year and features some impressive collaborations that have contributed to what’s arguably The Bamboos best album to date, but the band aren’t showing any signs of slowing down any time soon and are already planning the

When&Where: 28 December at Falls Festival Boogie Nights Launch Party – Lorne, & 30 December at Falls Festival – Lorne next album. “The ARIA awards have sort of given [Medicine Man] another lease on life. ‘I Got Burned’ is probably the biggest track we’ve ever done but it’s funny because this whole campaign has kind of run its course with Medicine Man and it feels like it will be time, from the first week in January onwards, to start thinking about the next album. It’s crept up on me pretty quick so we’ll probably be recording our new record in the first half of 2013,” says Lance.

As Lance tells us, The Bamboos strive to make every new album different and better than the last, so what does Lance have in store for the next album? “Good

question. At the moment I’m working on my solo record which I have to do by January the 1st and I’ve had a few thoughts about it, some of the things on Medicine Man are quite lush and sort of epic and I’m sort of thinking at this point that I wouldn’t mind tearing things back and making it a bit rawer. That’s just really off the top of my head but it’s something I have thought about.”

Welcome in the New Year with Lance and his band at Falls Festival and see for yourself why The Bamboos are one of today’s greatest funk and soul groups.

Along with that single SWS have released two full length albums With Ears to See and Eyes to Hear (2010) and Let`s Cheers To This (2011) and an acoustic EP If you were a movie, this would be your soundtrack, earlier this year. “We have always played a lot of acoustic songs at our live shows,” Justin began.

“And we really enjoy it and the audience seems to love it. Some people in the crowd had recorded us and put it up on You Tube. So, of course the sound quality isn`t really like it is in a studio, and we wanted something a little better than that, you know what I mean?”

The support of their many loyal followers and the unlikely odds that they would achieve fame on a larger scale is not lost on them. “We are the band that should have been around five years ago. We are just playing the music we loved and listened to back then, and so far we have had success doing that and I feel like we shouldn`t breakout and do anything too crazy. We have a safe sound, and I know that sounds super daggy, but we just love playing together, we are like brothers,” says Justin. This band of brothers are another explosive addition to Soundwave’s already mammoth line-up, and I was proud to be the first to tell Justin that each and every ticket in all five states had sold out. “What? Oh, My God! That is such a massive thing for us, just even being on the same stage as Metallica, it is so crazy. Hopefully we will be finishing up (recording in) early February and then we are heading to see you all.”

If you weren’t one of the lucky ones to snap up a ticket, you’ll be pleased to know SWS are planning to play Soundwave Sidewaves. “I think we are, I don’t really know all the details yet, but definitely look out for them, we will let everyone know when we find out more. I can’t say for sure but I’m hoping by then we will be playing new music. Songs that no one has ever heard. We are really excited to come down and get out there. I hope everyone goes crazy, cause we are definitely going to!”

When&Where: Friday March 1st - Soundwave FestivalFlemington Racecourse, Melbourne

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Great thoughts of stoners: Dude, dude, dude, dude. Would you rather be a giant with tiny hands or a tiny person with giant hands? Coming up you have… ................................................

_ _ _ The Red Hot Summer Tour returns in 2013 and in case you have been napping, here are the details you need to know. Dragon, Ian Moss, Jimmy Barnes, Baby Animals and Chocolate Starfish have all signed up for the travelling rock ‘n’ roll roadshow. Jimmy Barnes has a career that stretches back to the early 70s. And whether it is fronting Cold Chisel or treading the solo path, Barnsey has remained a constant force in the Australian music scene. Plus he has a voice that could strip bark from trees. Fellow Cold Chisel member Ian Moss was best known as the guitarist for the group but occasionally lent his vocals. After Chisel disbanded in 1983, Moss retired from the music game for several years before launching a solo career in 1988. He struck gold straight away with ‘Tucker’s Daughter’. Led by Suze DeMarchi, Baby Animals hit the Top 20 with their debut single ‘Early Warning’. Their self-titled debut spent six weeks at the #1 spot. New Zealand-born band Dragon relocated to Sydney in the mid 70s, pleasing Aussies who quickly claimed them as their own. Singles like ‘Are You Old Enough’ and ‘Rain’ cemented them as an Aussie favourite. Kryal Castle, Ballarat – February 2 & Warrnambool Racecourse – March 30. ................................................

_ _ _ After gifting us with some fine EP work, Melbourne’s Money for Rope released their debut self-titled long player earlier this month. The band has already well and truly earned their stripes within the live scene, performing shows with artists including The Vasco Era, The Mess Hall, Those Darlins, Even, The Meanies, Celibate Rifles, Bob Log III, The Cruel Sea, Wolf & Cub and Fearless Vampire Killers. Undercover.fm’s Sally Bailey wrote, “Great tunes, and startlingly brilliant music arrangements that showcase the two drum kits, two guitars, the bass and four voices with a whole lot of class. If these guys stick to their formula and build on it without becoming too obtuse as a means to

acquiring maturity, they will continue to slide along a path to greatness. It’s only just begun…” The Barwon Club, Geelong – November 30. With guests. ................................................

_ _ _ Double your music lovin’ with Mike Noga and Ben Salter at The Karova, Ballarat on December 13.

Mike Noga came to prominence as the drummer for The Drones but has earned a solid name as a solo artist. His debut solo release, Folk Songs, came in 2006 before releasing The Balladeer Hunter last year. Recorded with old friends over a couple of nights in a warehouse, each song was captured on the first or second take. Through bands including The Gin Club, The Wilson Pickers and Giants of Science, Ben Salter has a familiar music face. 2011 saw the release of his debut solo album The Cat, recorded and produced with another Drone, Gareth Liddiard, and Robert F. Cranny. There will be songs.

There will be music. There will be drinks. There will be cheer. ................................................

_ _ _ Country hillbilly music daddy (his words, not mine) Bill Chambers will check into the Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs on December 12.

Bill, as you probably know, is Kasey Chambers’s old man and is widely considered as being Australia’s leading alt-country guitarist. Not too shabby at all for a self-taught muso. Whether he is delicately picking the Dobro or lap steel or cutting loose on slide, Bill makes the guitar sing. His three albums (Sleeping with the Blues, Frozen Ground and Drifting South) are all critically acclaimed while his producing credits include albums for Catherine Britt, Audrey Auld and the Dead Ringer Band. He will be joined by rising star and 2011 Telstra Road to Discovery winner, Harry Hookey.

_ _ _ American singer-songwriter, composer and cellist Ben Sollee will pay a visit to Castlemaine early in the New Year. Sollee began playing cello in elementary school, mixing classical music influences with that of his parent’s collection. Along with Abigail Washburn, Bela Fleck and Casey Driessen, Sollee formed The Sparrow Quartet in 2005. In 2008 the group released their debut album while Sollee also released both his first EP, If You’re Gonna Lead my Country, and his first album, Learning to Bend. Several releases have followed including 2012’s Half Made Man. Incorporating original techniques in to his cello playing, Sollee comes up with a mix of mix of folk, bluegrass, jazz and R&B. Theatre Royal – January 12.

BOBBY ALU

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_ _ _ Towards the end of last month, Melbourne doom-country shimmy-shakers The Toot Toot Toots set forth on their Pre-Apocalypse tour.

Knowing it could quite possibly be their last tour ever (well, for tour name argument sake), these brave music souls set out with reckless abandon.

It has been a busy few years since the group came together through a spur of the moment decision back in 2009 but few highlights top 2012’s debut album, Outlaws. Produced by Loki Lockwood, Outlaws is a spaghetti western rock operatic concept album that follows the story of Eli Rayne and the vengeance and bloodshed that shadows his arrival. An apocalypse doesn’t sound so crazy now, does it? Barwon Heads Hotel, Barwon Heads – November 30; Great Ocean Hotel, Apollo Bay – December 1; The Loft, Warrnambool – December 22.

_ _ _ Pacific roots and reggae grooves, Afro rhythms, infectious harmony, soul, pop and good vibes: it is one fine cocktail of musical ingredients and one that Bobby Alu serves up with a cheeky grin whenever he hits the stage. Alu is the stage name of Charles Wall, a much sought-after drummer known for his work as the backbeat for OKA and as a regular co-conspirator with artists including Nicky Bomba, Kooii, Mista Savona, Saritah, The Red Eyes and Watussi. As Bobby takes centre stage, he creates an atmosphere you can’t help but get swept up in. The songman – whose third-ever gig was an invitation to Bluesfest – released his self-titled debut album in 2010. A second album is currently in production and is set for release in 2013.

Torquay Hotel – December 7.

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_ _ _ Mia Dyson will wrap up the fantastic A Conversation in the Key Of… series at Courthouse ARTS on December 9. If there is a muso that personifies dogged determination it would be Mia Dyson. For some ten years Mia worked her butt off forging a name in Australia with her hard work paying off with albums including Cold Water and the ARIA-winning Parking Lots. In 2009 America beckoned and she had to start all over again. Along the way she went broke, lost her band, and her management tried to sell her soul to reality TV. Yet she stayed true to her path. The result of her threeyear American journey is The Moment, her gutsiest album to date. With accompaniment from pianist Tim Neal, the popular series has been called a musical conversation. Izzy Losi supports. ................................................

_ _ _ It is becoming a trend popular for international touring artists to swing by smaller towns and those in the Castlemaine are in for a real treat when English singer-songwriter and filmmaker Cosmo Jarvis gets cosy on the stage of The Bridge on December 29. Born in New Jersey, Jarvis moved to the UK with his family when he was a youngster. He released his self-titled debut at the age of 19 and in early 2008 signed with Wall of Sound, releasing his first ‘proper’ album Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch in 2009. Two albums have followed including 2012’s effort, Think Bigger. Jarvis would be most familiar to Australian music lovers for his song ‘Gay Pirates’ – a song Stephen Fry tweeted a link to – which found its way to the #85 spot on triple j’s Hottest 100 of 2011.

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san cisco _ _ _ They are wild things and they’ll make your heart sing. They make everything groovy. They are San Cisco and they are on the road to rip out new single, ‘Wild Thing’. It is an appropriate name for a single given they have had a pretty wild ride since their inception. Things picked up speed last year when the band showcased at Adelaide’s FUSE and Brisbane’s BIGSOUND. They also took in several festival appearances and impressive support slots and found much love through Triple J Unearthed. This year the Fremantle outfit wowed crowds in the UK and inked and international record deal. On top of that, the good times will continue next year with the band set to take on the prestigious SXSW Festival. Bended Elbow, Geelong – November 30. With The Belligerents and Chela.

ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee ___ Mr Black and Blues is the stage name of Michael Pollitt, a singer-songwriter and guitarist inspired by names including Jon Spencer, Stevie Wonder and Chuck Berry. Pollitt had been playing guitar since 19 where he taught himself to play by listening to Max Crawdaddy on RRR but it wasn’t until a life changing experience (read: broken neck), that Michael focused heart and soul on music. His recuperation – he lost the use of his left hand for almost a year – would lead to his debut album, The Morning Light. Things have been moving along very well since. He helped set up Breakneck Records, toured the US, UK and Europe, and released the full-length album Long Road Home.

The Music Man Megastore, Bendigo – December 7. ................................................

___ A couple of big, bad-ass shows featuring Midnight Woolf and Humbug are coming up at The Palais, Hepburn Springs on November 30 (with Tiller) and The Loft, Warrnambool on December 1 (with Freya Hollick). That’s right, Midnight Woolf is set to say goodbye to spring and welcome in summer.

And if you don’t check ‘em out, summer won’t be coming to you. The “primal garage surfabilly psycho country rock’n’roll” outfit recently released their new LP I’ll Be a Dog and it’s chockfull of the same ol’ Midnight Woolf goodness fans have come to love.

Formed this year, Humbug describes themselves as “Hillbilly Jungle Punk Janglers”. Although early days they have already made a strong impression and are looking to record a 7” and EP with Midnight Woolf’s Raul Sanchez. ................................................

___ Melbourne’s “purveyor of petite pop”, Kikuyu, has scattered a few shows out over coming months including a spot at The Bridge, Castlemaine next year on January 19. Kikuyu is Melbourne artist Sez Wilks who spent five years as the vocalist and synth player for The Surly Mermaids before Kikuyu emerged. Last year saw the release of her debut album Hunter Gathered which has not only taken her around the country but to New Zealand. This year the songbird travelled to China where she performed nine dates in six cities. Kikuyu’s show at The Bridge will be in support of Melbournevia-Portland’s Super XX Man (pronounced super double X man). Super XX Man recently reached out through Pozible to raise funds for album number 14, Sorta Heavy Metal. ................................................

___ Will and the People have very quickly endeared themselves to Australia’s music loving community. So much so, in fact, that they have added eight new shows to their current tour taking the grand total to 21. The tour kicked off earlier this month and will include a couple of festivals appearances. But the show that really matters is their sweet little gig at Whalers Hotel, Warrnambool on November 30. Sweet not only because you’ll hear some lovely tunes but sweet because it’s free. Yep, free! Hailing from London, Will and the People shine the spotlight on British culture. Since forming in 2010 the band’s fusion of reggae, pop, grunge and house has played out at some of the world’s finest festivals.

Their self-titled debut is out now. ................................................

___ Songman Colin Hay has found a new life with his upcoming tour Finding My Dance. As he explains, “An aboriginal man once came backstage after a show and said to me in a kindly voice, ‘Where’s your dance?

I used to like your dance, you’ve lost your dance mate, you’ve gotta find your dance.’ So, I set out in search of it, looking here, there and everywhere in all corners of the globe. Quite soon I realised that ‘finding my

dance’ is an inner search, and that whilst I may never truly find it, it matters not. What’s important is to keep searching, and in the process, refine and simplify the steps.” Gliding from stories to song, Hay is an entertainer of effortless charm. Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool – February 13 & The Capital, Bendigo – February 19.

loren and freya hanly ___ Brother and sister come together in musical harmony when Loren and Freya Hanly share the stage for the first time. Loren hit the road for the first time around a decade ago and has since played just about every festival under the Australian sun. He has also toured Canada, the US and New Zealand. Freya has notched up over 500 shows and scored a couple of WAM nominations. Her most recent album Quiver features contributions from Ben Franz (The Waifs), Mal, Webb, John Bedggood (Bernard Fanning), Mel Robinson (Tim Rogers and her brother. From folky jazz melodies and country ballads, to heart lifting African and reggae rhythms, these well travelled music souls will deliver something special. Torquay Hotel – December 7.

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___ Back in the early 90s when noise rock was all the rage, a band called Hammerhead carved out their own respected place. As can happen the band parted ways but two thirds of the group, Jeff Mooridian and Paul Erickson, continued the blissful noise rock with Vaz. Now the band is heading for our shores. The tour came about when the band came across Jem Moloney from Australian outfit Dead at Missoula’s musical festival, Total Fest. The members discussed the idea of a joint Australian tour and following a successful Kickstarter project, the noisy dreams of music lovers are coming true. Vaz will record the tour as part of a doco that will hopefully be released next year. They will also record a split single with Dead. How good is that? The Karova, Ballarat – December 9. With Nous. ................................................

___ Cash Convertors: the place where dreams are made. Well, perhaps that is not always the case but it may well be for Melbourne’s Fare Evader. The story goes that the band starting rolling along after trading a bike for a bass guitar. A busted-up and dusty guitar was then dug out from a cupboard, songs were made, and gigs were soon played. One such gig was a showcase (unbeknownst to them) which they won and promptly got to work on their debut EP. They continued to play gigs where they continued to charm crowds and then sat down with Forrester Savell for another EP. But now is has come to an end. Who knows if they will return to the place where it all started but one thing you can be sure of is one sweet little farewell gig at The Karova, Ballarat on December 15. With Bad News Toilet. ................................................

___ Sure, she has a degree in Audio Production and Radio Broadcasting from Emerson College but these days DJ Gina Turner feels most at home behind the decks. Gina originally hails from New York and grew up with the NY sounds of Shelter and Sound Factory.

Inspired by these sound she moved to Boston and gained her own radio shows before becoming a Boston club scene staple. Another move to L.A. followed in 2006 where she formed the DJ duo Staccato and founded an afterhours movement called Major. From spinning tracks on the radio to working her magic live, Turner has worked with names including Soulwax, Steve Lawler, Tiefschwarz, DJ AM, Steve Aoki and Justice. Currently in Australia, Gina takes on Home House, Geelong on November 30. ................................................

___ Punk rock doesn’t come with a bigger punch than the one delivered by Cosmic Psychos. For three decades the band has loaded up whatever vehicle was available, performed on any stage that would have them, and drunk any alcohol that was offered to them.

As many readers would know the band recently took to crowd-funding platform Pozible to raise funds for the doco Blokes You Can Trust. They were successful.

Then in early November they took to the stage of regular stomping ground The Tote to film a gig which would make up a bonus disc to go with the documentary. The stage is where they live and on December 15 they will set up shop at The Barwon Club, Geelong. With The Kremlings and King of the North.

evil eddie _ _ _ After being holed up in his own studio for the majority of 2012, Evil Eddie has emerged from his lab and is bringing you the long-awaited, fun-filled, super-spectacular ‘Welcome To Flavour Country’ tour. Promoting the debut record titled ‘Welcome To Flavour Country’, the 20-date national headlining show travels from Byron Bay to Brisbane, Tasmania to Perth and everywhere in between. Evil Eddie’s live show has grown into a beast of it’s own, with a full live band in tow and the showcase of Eddie’s very own homemade visual backdrops. Catch Evil Eddie on his ‘Welcome To Flavour Country’ tour at Karova Lounge in Ballarat on November 30, The Barwon Club in Geelong on December 6, or the Northcote Social Club on December 1.

nigel wearne ___ Quick bite: Songman Nigel Wearne is no stranger to these parts and on November 30 he, along with his band The Cast Iron Promises, will grace the stage of the Piping Hot Chicken Shop. With his combination of country twang, honky-tonk and folk with honest storytelling, the singer-songwriter is a rising figure within the music scene. The Piping Hot gig will help show-off his new album, Black Crow. It was produced by Mick Wordley whose credits include Jeff Lang, Chris Whitley and Jordie Lane. For music that hits you between the eyes, Nigel Wearne is your guy.

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THE FIRST 150 TO JOIN SAVE * $148!

PLUS GET A FREE BACKPACK, WATER BOTTLE AND TOWEL!

Jetts Belmont OPENING SOON! E. belmont@jetts.com.au

1300 JETTS 247 | jetts.com.au

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No contracts. Low fees. Open 24/7.

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Girls Girls Girls!

One of the biggest personalities of all our region’s entertainment venues, The Sphinx Hotel is putting on another stellar show on Saturday December 1st.

The Girls Girls Girls performance will be a musical delight for your ears and your tummies with meal & show tickets available for $62.50. Or, if your skipping dinner (which we don’t recommend!) you can grab a show-only ticket for $35 and boogie the night away.

Featuring Debra Byrne, Wendy Stapleton and Nikki Nichols is sure to have all the glitz, glamour, gloves you would expect from the group of talented songstresses.

Belting out some much-loved hits from the Supremes, some favourites from our old friend Dusty Springfield and an array of tunes from the London Pop era there is sure to be dozens of empty seats....and a choc-ablock dancefloor! Call The Sphinx today to secure your tickets. It promises to be a show of glamour, fun and fabulous songs! PH: 5278 2911.

Summadayze When & Where: Myer Music Bowl – January 1. Top of the Pops ‘13: Chemical Brothers (DJ Set). Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons have not just changed the face of electronic music but they have given it a six-million dollar man makeover. In DJ mode they reign supreme. Shooting Star: Kimbra. She painted herself up for a little ditty with Gotye, she’s won an ARIA, and scored heavily in triple j’s Hottest 100. She has a Midas touch.

Who else: M.I.A., Fedde Le Grand, Mark Ronson (DJ Set), Eddie Halliwell, Maya Jane Coles, Booka Shade, Aeroplane, Knife Party, Danny Daze and Scuba. iPhone memos: It’s New Year’s Day. Some of you may have slept. Others will be running on fumes. Just enjoy the moment. It’s a brand new year and you don’t want to start it off on a bum note. People carrying on like idiots will be ejected and you don’t want to have this conversation: “Hey, how was Summadayze?”; “Yeah, I got thrown out for being a tool”; “Congratulations…tool.” As always, don’t try to sneak in anything dodgy. This is an 18+ event.

Tickets: Ticketmaster. More Please: futureentertainment. com.au

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Sundays @ Sebroso The sweet sounds of traditional Latin soul music will be filling Pakington Street every Sunday this Summer. Throwing the ultimate Sunday Sesh, Sebroso promise us sunshine seating, great food, cold drinks, and above all else great music. Now I know what you’re all thinking. Everyone has a Sunday Sesh on Sunday over Summer, what would make this one any cooler than the next? Well my friends, where else in Geelong can you get awesome latino music and traditional spanish food? No where. Bringing some culture, spice and all things nice to us this festive season, the guys at Sebroso will also be cooking Paella on the streets, hosting some fabulous Salsa lessons for beginners, and all in all, making us feel like we have time travelled to a Carnival in Spain. Minus the angry bulls. Details- 3pm-4pm Salsa class ($10p.p), 4pm-5pm, DJ playing Latino tracks, 5pm-Late DJ & paella. Sebroso is open Tuesday to Sunday nights for dinner, and Wednesday to Sunday for lunch.

Big Day Out

When & Where: Flemingto n Racecourse – January 26. Top of the Pops ‘13: Red Hot Chili Peppers. They released a little album in 1991 called Blood Sugar Sex Magik. You know when you hear people moan and say things like, “I like their earli er stuff.” This is what they are talking about.

Still one of the coolest today. Shooting Star : Grinspoon.

They have taken their share of punches but keep fighting on. Grinners are winners. Who else: The Killers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Weekend, Band of Horses, Foals, Sleigh Bells, Against Me!, Gary Clar k Jr., Jeff the Brotherhood, Death Grips, Alab ama Shakes, Crystal Castles, Animal Colle ctive and 360. iPhone memos: It’s summer, people. It’s hot.

Your Cosplay costume may look cute at the start of the day but if you are not careful you’ll look like a lobster at the end of the day. That ’s not so cute. It is a long day so keep protected.

Are you 18? Do you want a drink ? Then bring proper ID. Leave the dodgy stuff at home.

Enjoy yourselves but play it safe. And be cool to your fellow festival reve llers. Tickets: Ticketmaster. More please: bigdayout.com

Pyramid Rock

Falls Festival

ne – December 28 When & Where: Lor of the Pops ‘12/ ‘13: through Januar y 1. Top y know a girl who The Flaming Lips. The make you breakfast thinks of ghosts who will t. They also know toas you e and she’ll mak and when he’s ws sho to s goe a guy who They are most e. nos his s blow at home he r: Parachute Sta g otin Sho ed. joyous inde from Sydney, the es inat orig half One Youth. y met at a part y and other from Adelaide. The y to you. Who else: part the g brin they now Best Coast, Cosmo Bombay Bicycle Club, House, Rodrigo Y ch Bea p, Chi Hot is, Jarv Hilltop Hoods, Loon Gabriela, Sampology, Park, Jinja Safari Lake, Mat t Corby, Maximo ne Memos: It’s NYE and Lisa Mitchell. iPho ory mood. That’s and you’re in a celebrat brations too far and good. You take your cele . That’s bad. By all end up being a bit of a dick but you don’t want means enjoy yourselves e else hates. Bring to be that person everyon will need to make everything you think you e the stuf f you leav but stay it a comfortable you know what that is shouldn’t be bringing – d out. More Please: – behind. Tickets: Sol .au .com fallsfestival

– December 29 through When & Where: Phillip Island 3: Anti-Flag. Punk rock has a ‘12/‘1 Pops the of Top 1. ary Janu it comes to some bands name and thy name is Anti-Flag. When lly conscious game, they may or artists and the political and socia band is the real deal. They strike a pose but it’s an ego thing. This fine music too. Shooting Star: just happen to make some damn als and supporting some Kingswood. After mixing it up at festiv four-piece will deservedly of Australia’s finest, this Melbourne 360, Hands Like Houses, finish off the year in style. Who else: ion, Van She, Xavier Rudd, Stonefield, Tame Impala, Amity Afflict ling, Pez, Dead Letter Circus, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Goss Cribs. iPhone memos: Be Friendly Fires (DJ Set) and The that shouldn’t be ignored – prepared. It’s a simple motto and one le day festival so make multip a It’s well. ts it has served the Scou know the drill though – no sure you pack appropriately. You whether you are allowed dodgy stuff. If you have doubts about ed to. Tickets: See allow aren’t you are es chanc to bring it, stival.com rockfe ramid thepy e: Pleas More website.

Eclectica

Did you guys know that it was possible to go treasure hunting down Pakington Street? Just look for the charming little shop called ‘Eclectica’. With shelves that are jam-packed with all sorts of wonderful things, whether it’s a gift for you or for them... it’s sure to be eclectic! No matter how many pennies you have in your pocket, there is something indulgent available for us all. These guys also jazz up the gift giving experience with some stylish free-of-charge wrapping. If your not chasing gifts or homewares, Eclectica have a stunning collection of cotton clothing and specialise in one-off jewellery pieces...made in-house! After all, we do love knowing we are wearing a one-of-a-kind. Eclectica are also big supporters of the local artist trade, so whilst you will always walk away a happy shopper you can also take pride in the fact you are supporting the independent artists in our region. Open seven days until Christmas, it is a must-stop on your next stroll down Pako. Oh... and if you can’t make it in person, make sure you catch up with them in the virtual world www.facebook.com/EclecticaPako

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ival Great Australian Beer Fest

alia Beer Deal Beer Spiel: The Great Austr course – February 2. The Real orm into the biggest transf will e When & Where: Geelong Race cours Race ng Geelo . on Australian Craft Beers well Festival is all about shining the light and ciders. Local brewers will be across, serving up over 100 beers berry. Entertainment: black and beer garden you’re ever likely to come melon , coffee ing includ unique flavours are represented. Get ready to enjoy some Mannix. Kid’s Activities: Yep, kids Smash, The Firetree and Ashleigh Bob Evans (Kevin Mitchell), Vaudeville roaming performers. What else: and ties activi of range a with children’s area ar welcome. There will be a dedicated beer with food. A home brewing semin will conduct a seminar on matching d. There will also be plenty of ‘First Lady of Beer’ Kirrily Waldhorn starte g gettin about know to need the things you for will get you up to speed about all A selection of wineries will be on hand ed down perfectly by a good brew. ts: tasty treats on hand that will be wash ng Station every 15 minutes. Ticke Geelo South and ng Geelo from will run those that prefer a drop. Free buses .au eelong.com See website. More Please: gabfg

Future Music

ington Racecourse When & Where: Flem Pops ‘13: The Stone the of Top 10. ch – Mar ning: burger with mor the in ee Thr es.

Ros ote in the other. You rem d, han one in lot the Fools Gold by The come across rage and is well in the wor ld.

Stone Roses and all and do it again a You fall asleep, wake up, that keeps repeating. week later. It’s a cycle the Cat. With their Shooting Star: Gypsy and little duo is keeping indie dream pop, this tralian music scene. the spotlight on the Aus too. Who else: Ellie The Germans love ‘em PSY, Dizzee Rascal, Goulding, The Prodigy, Azealia Banks, The Bloc Par ty, Rita Ora, e Akoi, Zeds Dead, Stev fun, , Temper Trap e Lowe. iPhone Zan and da Ner vo, Mag March and as in is ival fest The memos: the Greek god s, Mar r afte ed nam March was the balance of et ups to t wan ’t don you of war, us. Play it safe ding a g bein by erse the univ you would want to be folks. Treat people how smoothly. No dodgy go will gs thin and ted trea allowed. Bring your s ines bus y funn or f stuf r. More please: ID. Tickets: Ticketmaste .au futureentertainment.com

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Your Guide to Summer Music Festivals December DEC 1 Stereosonic DEC 7-9 Folk, Rhythm & Life Festival DEC 7-9 Meredith Music Festival DEC 8 Homebake (NSW) DEC 14-15 Festival Of The Sun (NSW) DEC 27-JAN 1 Woodford Folk Festival (QLD) DEC 28- JAN 1 Falls Music and Arts Festival (Lorne) DEC 29- JAN 1 Falls Music and Arts Festival (Marion Bay) DEC 29- JAN 1 Pyramid Rock Festival DEC 29-JAN 1 Peats Ridge Music Festival (NSW) DEC 31 Bluestone Music Festival

January

Blues on The Bay If you are looking to cruise in something a little more stylish this Summer you must check out the all new Hygeia 111. The team at Hygeia on the Bay are proud to introduce their new luxurious twenty metre catamaran which comfortably caters for up to 150 guests! The biggest and best bay cruiser Geelong has seen, the Hygeia 111 has a sleek finish and contemporary decor that is sure to impress yourself and your fellow sailors on your next special occasion. But if you don’t have a birthday coming up, and you aren’t planning on getting married (or re-married!) anytime soon, never fear, there is still a spot on board the Hygeia 111 for you. Embarking on their Sunday Blues Cruise to the bays of Portarlington and beyond, the team at Hygeia invite you to wine, dine, relax and unwind whilst enjoying the live entertainment and delicious cuisine available on board. To join the Hygeia on it’s next Sunday Blues Cruise (January 6th, 2013) or to make a booking for your next celebration call 5254 1111 or visit www.hygeia.com.au.

JAN 1 Summadayze JAN 1 Field Day (NSW) JAN 19 Sugar Mountain Festival JAN 25-28 Rainbow Serpent Festival JAN 26 Big Day Out Festival

February FEB 2 Great Autralian Beer Festival FEB 3 St Jerome Laneway Festival

March MAR 1 Soundwave MAR 8-11 Port Fairy Folk Festival MAR 9-11 Golden Plains Music Festival MAR 10 Future Music Festival MAR 16 A Day On The Green MAR 28-APR 1 Bluesfest (NSW)

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coming soon to belmont!

Jetts Fitness Club

Freestyle The Barwon Club Hotel

a The Barwon Club Hotel has long been favourite watering hole among locals and visitors alike. With its vibrant, welcoming atmosphere, the venue is just the place for a fun night out with a quality menu and extensive wine and drinks list on offer. The menu will impress all taste buds, including , an extensive entrée selection, salads s chicken and beef dishes, fish, pasta, risotto and of course desser ts. Not only is it a great place for lunch and dinner, but also a venue to mingle with friends and enjoy Geelong’s nightlife. Barwon Club Hotel is open seven days at 509 Moorabool Street.

Purple Cow

Freestyle has the best bargains for this Xmas.

Mens Silent Theory basic tees for $30 each or two for $50 are available in so many colours there is no way you will stop at just two! Mens Silent Theory tanks are also available in just as many colours and at two for $40 they are the perfect Chrissy Stocking Fillers! Of course, we can’t forget the girls. Freestyle have a huge range of ladies denim shorts in all lengths and colours.

No doubt you will want to walk away with more than just one pair, so for a limited time only you can have 30% off the second pair of full-priced shorts you purchase. Plenty of goodies to fill up Santa’s Bag this silly season are available instore, with socks from $5, sunglasses just $29 and a massive range of Havaianas from $19.99.

A lot to take in right? If there is just too much for you to choose from, grab a Gift Voucher and see what your wardrobe is missing after all the giftgiving has been done. You can find Freestyle at 117 Pakington St Geelong West.

Your ‘no time to exercise’ cop-outs are going to be blown out the window this February with the opening of Australia’s most convenient Fitness Club, right on your doorstep! Jetts Fitness is opening up their brand-spanking new facility on High Street, Belmont, offering gym-goers the flexibility to work out whenever they please. Literally. The 24/7 Fitness Club offers it’s members access via a unique smart card system, allowing you to work out at any time of day or night, no matter what your hectic schedule looks like!

Scott Dumbell (Jetts Fitness Club Owner) says “The success of our Geelong West and Torquay centres has been quite humbling. The uptake by local residents has proven to us the demand for an affordable and convenient fitness alternative.” The beauty of Jetts is that it’s all about enjoying your gym sesh, and relishing in the freedom, flexibility and affordability that comes with it. Utilising the latest fitness equipment from Australia’s leading suppliers, Jetts focuses on the popular and simple equipment that people enjoy using most, a) because they want you to have fun, and b) because they don’t want your mind to boggle by looking at strange machines that you have no idea how to use, or use safely. Your membership also means you can work out at any of the Jetts Clubs across our region...and all over Australia. We really are beginning to run out of excuses now guys. Jetts Fitness Belmont is opening February 1st, 2013 at Level 1/155 High St Belmont. Join as a foundation member and save $148 if you sign-up before opening day. Call Jetts on 1300 JETTS 247 or visit the Club’s website at jetts.com.au for more info.

Ok. So there’s what, maybe fifteen events for you to get through this festive season? Atleast? And yes, I know we all agree. No one likes wearing the same outfit more than once, twice, three times if we are lucky, to a special occassion with the same group of companio ns.

Whether it’s a festival, a night out, a gig, a birthday party or even christmas day with the fam, somehow the idea of out-fit repeating has become a bit of a universal no-go zone. At last, we can rest easy and look fabulous...and have a full wardrobe...and still have some pennies left to enjoy these celebrations we are frocking up for. All pats on the back to Purple Cow for this one. The team at Purple Cow are now stocking the best range of summer dresses in town (both casual and evening), an ever-growing yet increasingly spectacular collection of jewellery and accessories, your must-have distressed denim shorts and an endless array of tops to match. Guys can also choose from a huge range of tees, shorts and pants to help them survive the next few months of mayhem. So what more could we want from these guys? Well, we want it to be accessible 24/7, don’t we? The team at Purple Cow have heard the cries of us Digital Natives and it is now possible for us to purchase all stock online, and have access to the free 15 day return policy. If a) you can’t make it into the store, (holidayin g internationally? Still got you covered) or, b) the thought of being caught in last summer’s daggy clothes frightens you, no worries, order in hibernation and await their quick and stylish arrival. Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Purple Cow promo codes through their social media pages to nab yourself an even better deal this silly season.

Visit purplecowclothing.c om.au or search ‘Purple Cow’ on Facebook .

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TALK OF THE TOWN! ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

lagwagon

NOODLE BOX

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184 Ryrie Street, Geelong PH: 5221 0533 W: noodlebox.com.au SUN-THURS 11.30am-9.30pm, FRI-SAT 11.30am-10.30pm

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Let’s face it, we tend to love anything that holds a little extra convenience. And at Noodle Box you get just that. Okay, so the flavours are amazing. Slurping the noodles up so they flick across your chin and lips is fun. The venue’s value for money is a plus. But when you are done, when your belly is plump and the lingering flavours of the sauce tingle upon your lips, you simply scrunch up the box and place it in the bin. No mess, no clean up, no fuss. It’s just all too easy and you gotta love that. Every box served at the Noodle Box is prepared made to order by a wok chef using the finest and freshest of vegetables, original master recipe sauces and delicious noodles.

So, what are you going to choose? How about their Blackbean Char Beef? Maybe the BBQ Sesame Pork? Satay Chicken? Mongolian Beef? Pad Thai Chicken? At Noodle Box, you are spoilt for choice.

Many of us are becoming more health conscious

What’s a priority to you?

these days and if that is you they have you covered as well with their 97% fat-free menu which includes Singapore Noodles, Mee Goreng, Sweet and Tangy and three others. Their ‘must try’ box? That would go to their Combination Box. With thin egg noodles, char sui roast pork, lean beef, wok charred chicken, prawn, shrimp and market fresh Asian vegetables tossed in their original master recipe oyster sauce, it’s combination perfection. Across Australia you will find over 75 Noodle Box stores serving up some 85,000 fresh, hot dishes every week. With those kinds of numbers, you know something is being done right. All the recipes are authentic and offer a delicious, healthy alternative. In a nutshell, Noodle Box is perfect for a quick lunch or an easy dinner. Do yourself a favour and tuck into a box today, its sure to taste like happy.

Eat in or takeaway. For full menu visit the Noodle Box website: noodlebox.com.au

How will your life change in the next four years?

How do you want your community to look?

The City of Greater Geelong is developing City Plan 2013-2017 and we want to hear from you. City Plan outlines Council’s four-year vision for the City of Greater Geelong.

Workshops Lara Community Centre 5 December 2012, 4.00pm-6.00pm Drysdale Potato Shed 6 December 2012, 4.00pm-6.00pm

Centenery Hall 11 December 2012, 4.00pm-6.00pm Belmont Civic Centre 12 December 2012, 5.00pm-7.00pm

Register for workshops online at www.geelongaustralia.com.au or phone 5272 5272.

Online Forum + Survey Fill in a survey or take part in the online conversation at www.geelong2017.com.au or fill in a survey in the December edition of Community Update in your letterbox.

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_ _ _ FINAL REMINDER: So, you know Lagwagon is touring, right? Forte readers are the sharpest of all readers so the chances are you do. Anyway, this is the final shout-out for their show at Geelong’s Bended Elbow on December 8. Reason one for going: They have been serving up punk rock goodness for more than 20 years meaning they have honed their skills to perfection. Reason two for going: They haven’t played Australia since 2008 so there is a lot of pent up hooliganism waiting to get out. Reason three for going: You may just meet that special someone. And if you already have that special someone, your relationship will be strengthened by this show. Reason four for going: They have more energy than the energizer bunny beating up One Direction. Reason five for going: good, plain fun.

HATCHET DAWN

chris cruz The Hives will be supporting Pink on her forthcoming North American tour dates- I can honestly say I didn’t see that one coming!

Blink 182 have a Christmas EP on the way, along with a range of limited edition merch and trinkets- how exciting!

___ Forming their identity through inspiration taken from classic horror and sci-fi realms, the twisted tormentors that make up Hatchet Dawn are not the kind to play it safe and easy. Their 2009 debut EP Faith in Chaos led to a stack of shows including a Marilyn Manson support. They then upped their game with 2011’s debut full-length Rebirth, an album that scored some fine press and landed the band a support with Misfits. Now they have begun work on their second full-length effort.

Currently in pre-production stages the band is promising big things. Founding member Howsie Noise, “This next release for Hatchet is going to demolish any expectations and will redefine this band to a complete new level. Our new material is the perfect progression for us, while also staying true to our roots.” You can check out the band through hatchetdawn.com.

___ Quick bite: Fire breathing, chest beating, riff rock ‘n’ roll is the name of the game for Black Aces. The country Victorian-bred band lives by the simple motto of 100% rock ‘n’ roll. That means no posing. That means pulling no punches. That means playing the kind of music reminiscent of AC/ DC, Rose Tattoo and The Angels. Yep, if you want pretty boys with $200 haircuts go elsewhere. If you want rock ‘n’ roll that will leave you sweaty, sticky and in need of a dose of antibiotics then head to The Newmarket, Bendigo on December 1. ................................................

_ _ _ Quick bite: The fourth annual Hepburn Springs Folk Festival will take place on January 26 next year and so far you can look forward to some pretty sweet music treats. Tim Guy will be there. The acoustic dreamy-pop songman met Bic Runga backstage at one of her shows in 2002 and palmed off a CD filled with some of his songs. Liking what she heard she offered to produce and play on his album.

Humbug will also perform. Hit facebook.com/ HepburnSpringsFolkFestival for updates.

The Descendents are coming back to Australia for their second visit in less than three years- and they’re bringing the Bouncing Souls with them! Frenzal Rhomb and Bodyjar will be rounding out the bill when it rolls into Melbourne for a HUMUNGOUS show at Festival Hall on the 9th of February! Anybody who saw their set at No Sleep Til... knows just how amazing they are live.

Former Geelong chick and ex Mrs Tim Armstrong, Brody Dalle (also known for her stints fronting the Distillers and Spinnerette!) has a new solo record on the way. It’ll be a corker for sure! Speaking of which, Tim Armstrong has a new solo song on an upcoming Hellcat Records sampler, while his main band Rancid has floated a new song online. It’s called ‘Fuck You’. But don’t take it personally, okay? It’s just a song title! Some people are so touchy...

Angels & Airways have a double EP on the way (I know, right? Sounds like an album to me, too!) called Stomping The Phantom Brake Pedal. This is why I haven’t taken that Tom DeLonge twat seriously since Blink 182 released Dude Ranch.

New-school American pop punk combo The Wonder Years plan to record a new album in the lead up to their Soundwave run.

Dropkick Murphys, Frank Turner and the Swingin’ Utters are teaming up for an Aussie tour in April- looks like it’s all on and bangin’!

Festival Hall is the location, on April 2nd.

Sydney heroes Batfoot! have finally completed their Brain Dead album launch tour across the country, with their cancelled Nash show having been moved to Melbourne’s IDGAFF. The boys will be back in March to take part in a punk rock festival that will be announced officially shortly!

Emo pop rockers The All American Rejects have a new EP on the way called Flatline, which features a track remixed by Milhouse Van Houton look alike/former screamo poster boy, Skrillex. I’m finding it hard to not fly into a rage at what passes for alternative music nowadays...

And on that depressing note, I’m gonna go bang my head against a wall until it’s 1998 again!

GINA TURNER

By Ophelia Symons

NYC`s spin princess Gina Turner may never want to leave our sunny shores after a warm welcome for the party people of Broome, who made her feel right at home for her first ever Australian gig, as part of Miller City Sessions earlier this month. Miller Genuine Draft Beer is bringing ten resident Dj’s to Australia to showcase cities famed for their vibrant nightlife culture at one hundred events nationwide. Guests will be able to experience the sights, sounds and pumping atmosphere of top venues from four key destinations –London, Ibiza, New York and Las Vegas.

Gina will be flying the flag for ‘Pacha’, one of the hottest venues in the ultra hip meat packing district in New York. “My first ever Australian gig was recently when I played in Broome”, Gina gushed “and everyone was so awesome! Broome is so laid back and has a beachy vibe. I was playing in an open air nightclub and everyone was out for a good time and when I get a crowd like that, it is such a blessing to be able to do what I love.”

With numerous dates around the country, Gina is definitely keen to soak up our Australian culture. “I really want to go surfing at Bondi and do yoga in the cities [she is a certified instructor], I don`t really want to go back to the states too soon”, Gina added, “I hate the cold!” As well as the being the only New Yorker, she is also the only female on the tour: “I don’t really see myself as a female Dj, I see myself as a Dj who happens to be a girl. Of course there are advantages and disadvantages, but that being said I think that just gives me the competitive edge to prove to all the boys in the boys’ club wrong. I have an audio music production degree and electronic music is my life. So I don’t mind flexing my muscles in that sense, my muscles being my brain,” she laughs.

Not only is she proving them wrong, she is also setting the standard and believes the future of dance music is bigger and brighter than ever. “Right now in the states, E.D.M or electric music is so big and very mainstream. Dub step and house

music are on the forefront and I think what is going to happen is the underground is going to rise to the mainstream, and become as large as they [dub step and house] are. I think it will open so many doors for other Dj`s no matter whether they are big or small.

In five or ten years I am really curious where it will go. I would love to see the Jamie Jones of the world [English Dj], being as big as Skrillex .”

Gina also wants to push boundaries, “I always play for two and a half hours and I have a lot of new music coming out by the end of the year and definitely by the new year, so I`m really looking forward to playing a lot of my new tracks and new originals, plus I have some great collaborations coming out, but I can’t say too much about those, so keep your eyes and ears open!”

When&Where: Friday November 30, Home House Nightclub, Geelong.

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make me feel bad too. She also got me to think about how I would feel if someone did that to me. Her words resonated, even in my 4 year old brain. Arguably not everyone has that defining moment though, some people just don’t know how to debate thoughtfully and intelligently instead they just fight blindly without considering the consequences.

One of the great things I recall about high school was debating. Yes, I am aware that is typically geeky but whatevs. It was a wonderful opportunity to exercise that fighting muscle. In a controlled and respectful way through debate we could fight passionately on various topics for various reasons. You stick to your convictions.

There is a winner and a loser. A clearly defined and arbitrary system.

Challenge You To A Duel Conflict can come in many shapes and forms. It can be a battle with the nargals that obviously stole your remote control, it can be a battle of wits on social media or it can be found in your day to day relationships.

As kids we often fight with our siblings about things like; whose Cabbage Patch doll gets to wear the pink outfit or I guess nowadays they fight over iPhones or something. I am not around a lot of children so I can’t say for sure, but I assume that is what they do. But, I can’t believe I am actually using this phrase, back in my day it was all about the Little Miss Makeups, My Family and Cabbage Patch Dolls. Oh and Barbie, however, she always had enough shit to go around.

In Kinder I clearly remember my first rival. I loathed that girl. She was just annoying and unpleasant. We got into an altercation, our parents were called. This was the first time I had a clear concept of what ‘fighting’ was.

I had really upset this girl by not wanting to be her friend. My mum explained how my behaviour was unacceptable (I can’t recall exactly what I did, called her a name or refused to play dolls with her or something) and that making someone feel bad would

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The adrenaline you get when battling for something you believe in is a powerful thing.

Some people I know feel like its addictive.

These people often find themselves in careers like lawyers or management. That’s a seemingly healthy way to channel that fighting instinct. Negotiating is basically debating for grownups after all.

Less healthy is taking that fight to your relationships. Finding the fight in everyday things brings back that carnal desire for conflict. Fights about sleeping arrangements, TV shows and facial hair (particularly relevant in the month of November) all present issues to be dealt with. The key, is to deal with them in a concise and rational way. Yelling and crying rarely solves a damn thing. Tempting as it is… I mean who actually thinks a handlebar mustache is a good idea!?

Other people just take to the anonymity of the internet and cause drama. That’s a problem. Here is this mammoth platform in which individuals or parties can pick a fight without any retribution. To me that sucks.

So I guess what I am trying to get to is that the quest for conflict is natural, its how you deal with the challenge that defines you.

If you are going to fight consider other people’s feelings. Oh and that Cabbage Patch dolls rule.

Tour Diary

Cast Iron Pinata - Part I Monday 17/9

We arrived in London after a 25-hour flight from Melbourne. Dove into our first UK experience, catching the tube to our hotel. Had a walk around the city, looking for somewhere to eat. We chose the place with the best name - “The Elusive Camel”. Made friends with the bartender, Steven, who was making half-price cocktails. The best one was called something really girly, like “fruity tingle” or whatever, so we told Steven that we’ve renamed it “Gary” to appeal to the male demographic. He laughed, but it caught on with all the guys in the bar. For the rest of the night, there were about 10 guys ordering Gary after Gary. Our work was done.

Wednesday 19/9

Played a show at a place called “The Roadhouse” in Birmingham, which was hidden away down by a little river. There was a great crowd though who were having a great time, which really helped us break out of our jetlagged, zombie-like state. I think the sound guy already knew we were from Australia, because he played Wolfmother’s debut album on loop the whole night.

Thursday 20/9

We are based in a place called Warsop - a small town that lies on the edge of Robin Hood’s old haunt, Sherwood Forest. Not much to see or

do, but we found a little cafe called “The Tea Cosy” where we have breakfast every morning with the two other bands we’re staying with.

I think the little-old-lady regulars are getting a little bit freaked out by all these long-haired, black-clothed men are taking over their morning tea. Still, can’t argue with a big breakfast for $2.75! Played a place called “The Snooty Fox”, in Wakefield. A cool little bar that’s covered from wall-to-wall with band t-shirts. The stage was equipped with seven cameras all around that recorded our set and streamed it live online, too bad everyone back home was asleep!

Tuesday 25/9

A fter 1500kms, 27 hours in the van, four countries and five German states, we made it to Dresden, Germany after leaving from Great Harwood, UK. We learnt the hard way that you should ALWAYS wear trackies in the van, and never, EVER wear jeans.

Thursday 27/9

Had our only headline show for the tour, at a place called “Rosi’s” in Dresden. The venue was really cool; a band room, restaurant and poolhall all in the one place! Had awesome burgers for dinner, which got us fired up for the show.

We had a great time - everyone was enjoying themselves, and really got into our show. We got totally carried away with one jam, which went on for ages. The first jazz-trance of the tour? We left straight from the show to Hungary.

Saturday 29/9

Arrived in the city of Ceske Budejovice (“Chesska-Boo-da-yo-vit-za”) for a show that was added on at the last minute. The venue was this old, run-down warehouse kind of place, that didn’t look too welcoming on the outside.

It just so happened to be a very popular music venue though, with a huge stage and two bars in it. Had a great show; the crowd were a lot of fun, and really had a good time. It’s amazing how much fun we could all have even though we didn’t speak each other’s language. This one guy we met didn’t speak a single word of English, but followed us around all night yelling “SYDNEY!” and then dancing. Crazy dude.

My city, my say City of Greater Geelong residents are being called on to help guide Council’s vision for the community for the next four years.

Consultation has opened for 2013-2017 City Plan, which outlines community goals and priorities in three areas: Health and wellbeing Council’s contribution to community health and wellbeing ranges from traditional services such as home care and meals on wheels to sporting facilities and libraries, which support life long learning.

Examples of priority issues include tackling obesity, supporting the ageing population, renewing relevant ageing infrastructure and creating opportunities for young children. Residents will have the opportunity to comment on how they think Council can continue to improve the health and wellbeing of the community.

The Economy Council aims to drive future economic development by providing leadership, brokering new investment and supporting existing businesses and growth sectors. The City endeavours to be proactive and to maximise the region’s competitive advantages. Residents are invited to share their ideas for how the City can assist businesses to grow and attract new investment.

The Environment The sustainability of the built and natural environment is a fundamental consideration in the development of any growing region. Factors such as energy efficiency and environmental footprint come into account in any Council decision about a new service or new infrastructure.

Residents will be able to put forward their suggestions on how Council can further reduce their environmental

impact, and how they can assist the community to do the same.

Workshops are being held throughout the region over the coming month, and participants will be able to have their say on the issues they think need to be prioritised over the next four years. There is still time to register for any of the remaining five workshops.

City of Greater Geelong Mayor Keith Fagg said the workshops provided a significant opportunity for residents to influence the direction of Council over the next four years.

“We are embarking upon a journey with a new model of local government – a model that creates an opportunity for a fresh approach,” he said.

“City Plan provides a framework for Council to base our decisions and actions on, ensuring everything we do is working towards goals that we have chosen as a community.”

“I strongly urge anyone with a suggestion or thought on how you would like your community to look in four years time, register for one of the workshops today.”

“This is an important moment where you can play your part in deciding the future of the City of Greater Geelong.”

“We want to hear from people living in every corner of the municipality, from Lara to St Leonards.”

“As I have said before, the future of Geelong is not about the Mayor or the Council, it’s about the people.”

“We are listening closely to residents in the development of this plan because we want to ensure that we put all our energy into delivering projects and services that the community truly wants and needs.”

“We are standing at the crossroads and now is your opportunity to have your say on which direction we will take,” said the Mayor.

Register online for the workshops and participate in the online survey and forum at www.geelong2017.com.au.

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Daryl Braithwaite

By Ophelia Symons

Every true blue Aussie has heard of Sherbet – one of the countries most legendary rock bands of the 1970s – so I doubt former frontman Daryl Braithwaite needs much of an introduction.

All you really need to know is that he’s back in town with his solo career and is gearing up to be a part of the inaugural Lakeside Twilights Concert kicking off next month.

I had the honour of chatting to Daryl earlier this month to discuss the upcoming gig, his first ever solo live DVD, and his new music on the way.

Lakeside Twilights is a series of gigs that have been in the works for a little while now. The concept of taking advantage of Victoria’s summer weather with an impressive lineup of four legendary Aussie acts around lakeside settings comes from promoter Duane McDonald who is also the man behind the annual Red Hot Summer Tour. The first of four shows will take place at Lake Wendouree in Ballarat mid December and will feature Daryl Braithwaite, James Reyne and Vika & Linda Bull.

“I’m really looking forward to it because it’s the first time playing at an outdoor venue on the lake with Vika and Linda and James Reyne, who’s a good friend of mine, so it will be exciting,” tells Daryl. “I love outdoor venues and if there are two thousand people there it will be great. If we get good weather then that will make it even better!”

If you haven’t yet had the opportunity to make it out to one of Daryl shows, here’s what you’re missing.

MONEY FOR ROPE

By Ophelia Symons

It’s hard to keep up with all the talent that emanates from Melbourne these days, and Money For Rope is just one band on the rise and ready to conquer the city with their infectious rock tunes and raw energy live shows. The six-piece released their self-titled debut full length earlier this month and are looking forward to celebrating their recent album with launch shows in Geelong and Melbourne.

I caught up with Jules McKenzie to talk about their debut self-titled album and their upcoming album launch shows. Money For Rope’s brand new debut full-length was officially released on the 16th of November by Thornbury Records and has already received four stars from The Age, as well as Album of the Week from both Beat Magazine and Tone Deaf – not bad for their first album! “We’re really happy with it,” says Jules. “It’s taken us a bit of time to make, we actually started recording a year ago, so it’s been a little while in the works. We’re thrilled to have a full length record come out because we sort of feel like you’re not really a legit band until you’ve got a record out. We’re thrilled.”

As Jules said, the record took about a year to reach completion and it seems it was the unexpected finer details that prolonged the process. “The process has taken quite a while because I didn’t realise just how much effort making an album actually required. Just little things you don’t think about when you’re trying to put a record together like barcodes and catalogue numbers and templates for artwork and those sort of things, you take that stuff for granted, so I’m just really

James SideBottom

BY Andrew Pretorius

James Sidebottom’s voice has long been lauded by fans and industry experts alike, earning him a spot in the finals of the 2008 Australian Idol competition and leading one critic to compare it to that of Eddie Vedder and Jeff Buckley. Now it seems the time has come for his songwriting to receive similar plaudits. The most visible sign of this is his recently-awarded semifinalist spot in the Telstra Road to Discovery Program music development program.

Being shown appreciation for his songwriting is particularly meaningful for James. “I’m really excited and it’s really (a) great opportunity I reckon, and particularly to be recognised as a songwriter as opposed to having gone in to like an Australian Idol sort of performing category,” he says. “I know quite a lot of people that had entered into the competition as songwriters that I really respect, and to be recognised amongst peers, that I can actually write songs okay, it gives me the confidence that what I’m doing is working and that I’m doing the right thing, I’m on the right track,” James tells us.

The two tracks he entered for the competition also secured him a place at Boot Camp, which will see James take part in a three-day intensive mentoring workshop that will cover all facets of professional musicianship: from song creation right through to publicity. Anticipating the benefits of the workshop, James says: “It’s going to be fantastic. I recently spent some time as part of the Push Songs initiative getting some songwriting mentorship…

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“I always look for some sort of participation from an audience, not heavily, but just so that they enjoy it as much as I do. Then by the time we get near the end of the show really all I’m hoping for is that they are as happy as what we are. I mean that’s what it’s all about, enjoying it. They should know quite a few of the songs that we play, which is maybe one or two from the Sherbet period and the rest from my solo career so hopefully they’ll know them.

Daryl released his first live DVD as a solo artist titled Live late last year after a couple of failed attempts years before. Daryl was finally successful with Live which was filmed and recorded at last year’s Sounds In The Valley in Perth. “This live DVD which was shot and recorded in Perth turned out really well and it’s a really good example of how we perform, the band and I, and I’d like to do another one next year if I get the chance, but maybe at a smaller gig.”

With hundreds of solo songs to choose from, it made me wonder why Daryl chose to include a couple of Sherbet favourites in the mix to feature on the live DVD. “Mainly because people remember that period like ‘Howzat’ and ‘Summer Love’, and I mean I was part of Sherbet so I don’t disown them or anything and I figured there are still a lot of people that come along to shows who are still Sherbet fans from the 70s, so it just made sense,” says Daryl.

It’s been four years since Daryl last released new music, but it seems the wait is finally over! Daryl tells me he has been working on an upcoming EP, which will be titled Forever The Tourist and will include six new tracks to be unveiled to the world in January of next year. “I’ve just finished a new EP called Forever the Tourist, which will come out in January and that should be good. I think the single that we’re hoping

When&Where: 15 December at Lake Wednouree Foreshore – Ballarat (photo CREDIT: mercury megaloudis) to get airplay on will be the title track.”

If you’re wondering what these new creations will sound like, look no further. “It sounds like me because I’m singing. Musically it’s probably a little harder, it hasn’t been a great departure from what I’ve done over the past five or ten years. I most definitely would like to look at doing something

over the next year or so that might be a little bit experimental. At the moment these are songs I really like, they fit the Forever the Tourist theme that I’ve tried to paint.”

You never know, you might even be lucky enough to hear a new song or two at the Lakeside Twlights Concert.

relieved that the record’s out!”

Before their self-titled debut, the band released a few singles on 7” vinyl, which earned them label recognition and sold out launch dates. No doubt the production of their full length was very different to the singles. “Well the tracks [on the debut] are ones that we’ve been playing for a little while, the bands been together for about 3 years and prior to this we put out a bunch of 7” records and we had done those very much like a live recording – get in the studio and rough them out quickly – but this record we had recorded everything in the same way as a live band.

This record has got a lot more production on it, kind of like a garage rock ‘n’ roll record and Steve Schram, the producer of the record, had his own take on it as well. It’s got some more interesting flavours.”

There are definitely a variety of different sounds and styles on the album ranging from surf tunes to the darker rock tracks, and as Jules reveals, the variety wasn’t actually intentional until most of the album had already been produced. “When we put the band together we wanted to do something that could sound surfy and we wanted to play something that was like soul, and the first two tracks have a soul feel to them, the middle has a bit more of a party type sound. We generally look at the set list and think we’re short a party track, or if we’re playing a house party we need something that’s a bit more upbeat which is the middle part, and then the end is like what a Money For Rope live show is like. That whole idea of having the different sounds in there was post-production really, but with the songs that we ended up tracking, we just found the songs that we were lacking in our normal set at the time. That’s what we ended up putting down for the record.”

To celebrate the release of their debut album, Money For Rope will be taking on Geelong and Melbourne with some worthy support bands for a couple of

When&Where: 30 November at The Barwon Club Hotel – Geelong & 1 December at Ding Dong Lounge – Melbourne launch shows that will boast an album full of rock ‘n’ roll tunes and a live performance that never fails to win over the audience. “When we come down to Geelong we’re playing with Fraser A Gorman and his band Big Harvest so we couldn’t be happier having them support us. They’re mates of ours, we’ve done a lot of things with Fraser. He’s actually a Geelong boy, we first met him when he was playing in Revolver &

Sun. We went to play some shows at The Nash and just fell in love with him and his music so that’ll be great. We haven’t played the Barwon Club before so that will be cool. We’ve got some pals of ours, Mother & Son, playing the Melbourne show with us too, and that’s the cool thing about getting to do your own shows, you get to pick who you want to play with,” concludes Jules.

and I really, really enjoyed that, just getting a bit of feedback on my stuff. I think (on) Boot Camp we get exposed to a lot of different people from the industry, whether they’re bookers or publishers or managers, just to get a bit more information about what I should be doing as an independent artist trying to get my stuff out there. I think it’s going to be invaluable,” he says.

Originally from Ballarat, James’s tendency toward expressing himself through music evolved organically: he says it started quite young – perhaps around the age we first discover that we can do more with our vocal chords than simply converse. Explains James, “My parents always say I sang pretty early as a kid, and then I guess I just always was into music, I remember going to my grandma’s house and playing her records, sort of fiddling with the turntable and stuff like that… so I think it was fairly natural, it wasn’t directed by parents.” James has only ever had one singing lesson and one or two guitar lessons, but despite only dipping a toe into the safe waters of formal tuition, he has gone on to master both instruments on his own terms.

James, who is now 30, has been dedicated to music since High School: Fronting two bands; being chosen as one of Australian Idol’s top 24; and composing songs for a film score are some of the highlights of his already-illustrious career. And in light of the sense of peace he feels when playing music – his description of its soothing effects brings to mind Buddhist mindfulness meditation – it’s really no surprise. In James’s own words, “It’s rest and relaxation through being a bit more concentrated on one thing at that time.”

LEIKOGRAPHY When&Where: James plays gigs at Odyssey Tavern (Surf Coasy Hwy) all the time– be sure to catch him there.

Great Australian

Beer Festival writen BY Wylie Caird

Few things hit the lips so well as beer on a hot day. To rectify my frothy fermented friends, few things hit the lips so well as beer on any day. There is, however, something special about a beer when the sun is at its most punishing; the cooling touch to a sweaty hand, the condensation beading on a glass; that initial sip that quenches like an oasis in a desert. ‘Tis something to equal any taste for sure.

The Great Australian Beer Festival is heading to Geelong next year, showcasing many fine brews from the region and beyond. Australian Beer Ambassador Kieran Blood gives us the rundown.

“Basically a love of craft beer and a love of festivals,” comes the simple explanation behind putting together the event. “My business partner Michael Ward comes from an events and music background, I come from a hospitality background managing and owning pubs. I owned a pub with my brother Jack back in 2004 that had eight beer taps with five of the taps being craft brewers such as Mountain Goat and St Arnou. Working in hospitality you get more exposure to what’s out

there and once you discover what Australian craft brewers are capable of, there’s no turning back.”

Though there is a craft beer revolution taking place in Australia, Blood feels to a certain degree that it has overshot Geelong. Odyssey Tavern, Randall’s and the Vue Grand in Queenscliff are all doing their bit and now through the festival Kieran hopes to raise a glass to the craft beer culture. “Beer is definitely an iconic and intrinsic part of Australian culture. I really think craft beer is the epitome of what our real beer culture is. It’s about sharing a few beers with friends or family, and really enjoying the quality of what we are experiencing, whether

it be the beer, the food or the music playing in the background. This event brings all that together, every element of what we are trying to create with the GABF Geelong is about a friendly and safe environment with top quality products and top quality entertainment.”

Kieran is one of a growing number who is tapping into beer appreciation. With their unique flavours, craft beer, and those behind it, is creating a culture once reserved for wine aficionados. Make no mistake: craft beer brewers and lovers are as passionate and serious as any oenophile. And although Australia may be a little behind, Kieran is working hard to catch up. “In the last nine months I have been to Heathcote, Sydney, Mornington and Tasmania – and they are just the beer-related festivals. Our research also has its roots in the United States. They are close to ten years ahead of us in the craft beer festival scene and a new brewery opens every day there so it is definitely a great resource.” Through his research he has also found that things work best when you unite towards a certain goal. “The most helpful information by far has been the brewers themselves. They are all amazing people eager to work together for the future of the Australian craft beer industry.”

Okay, so the festival itself. Yes it’s chiefly about beer, of course, – and you have over 100 beers and ciders to sample – but a good beer goes down well with good music and on hand you have Bob Evans (Kevin Mitchell), Vaudeville Smash, The Firetree and Ashleigh Mannix. Throw in some gourmet good and you have the makings of a perfect day. A good local festival needs a strong local representation and there is no shortage of that either. “There will be brewers from the Geelong region with Prickly Moses, Bellarine Brewing Company, Southern Bay, Flying Brick Cider, Forrest Brewery and the new guys in town, Little Creatures. In addition the three wineries and all the food vendors that have confirmed thus far are from around Geelong as well.”

You may be surprised to know that you may learn a little something too. “Another feature of the festival are our seminars. Our MC for the event just happens to be Australia’s very own Beer Diva, and ‘First Lady of Beer’, Kirrily Waldhorn. Kirrily is not your stereotypical beer presenter, having appeared on radio, TV and in the press, and is on a mission to make beer the new wine in Australia.

She will be running master classes on pairing food and ice cream with beer, together with meet the brewer sessions. There will also be Homebrewing – how do I get started sessions and a host of other interesting beer-related seminars.”

In short the Great Australian Beer Festival is a celebration of beer. It’s not about getting smashed but about trying new things. Kieran, “The whole point of the festival is to introduce Geelong men and women to something they have never tried before and I can guarantee they will all find at least one beer or cider they love. Craft beer is diverse, complex and has as much depth and variety as wine. Consider flavours like chocolate, coffee, melon, blackberry and the list goes on. Honestly, people will be astounded by what Australian Craft Brewers are getting up to!” A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure – Czech Proverb.

The Great Australian Beer Festival takes place at the Geelong Racecourse on Saturday, February 2, 2013 from 11am to 7pm. It is a family-friendly event. Free busses will be running from Geelong and South Geelong Station every 15 minutes.

Tickets are $39+bf presale or $45 on the day.

Children under 12 are free. Full information can be found through gabfgeelong.com.au. Drink up but be responsible. Cheers.

when&where: february 2 at the geelong racecourse - geelong

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FORTE FOCUS

written by David Trethewie

INTERNET DATING HAVE YOUR SAY! Email us at editorial@ fortemag.com.au

love at first WEBSITE? WRITERS WANTED AT FORTE MAG! Wanna chat to cool musos?

Got a soap box you wanna stand on? Feel like you’ve got an opinion on music but no one is listening?

We are ready for a fresh crop of music lovers to join the Forte team. Drop us a line and get involved! Email brigitte@fortemag.com.au

The film The Social Network did a pretty good job of exploring the irony of a brilliant but somewhat socially challenged young man who created a revolution in human communication.

For me the most memorable scene in the movie was when Mark Zuckerberg was in the cafeteria at the university and a student approached him and asked about such-and-such a girl and did she have a boyfriend. Our hero then goes home and has a stroke of genius. He adds a relationship status function to the website he is creating, now known worldwide as Facebook. Nowadays you can look up anybody in the world on your PC or laptop and with just a couple of mouse clicks, find out if they’re in a relationship. You don’t even have to ask them in person. A revolution in communication, right? The Social Network also explored the other side of that coin, the fact that communicating with people via computer isn’t really communicating at all and that it actually sets up barriers that previously didn’t exist.

A huge percentage of actual human communication is non-verbal, involving things like body language, vocal tone, eye contact and facial expressions and the internet cuts these out totally. All it leaves you with is the printed word and the still image. Of course things like Skype are different but people tend to use Skype for talking to close friends and family only. When was the last time you were Skyped by a total stranger? That’s right, you’d probably call the police.

But people contact total strangers all the time on the internet. Hundreds of them – thousands even.

They do this on dating sites. For us ordinary folks who aren’t celebrities love is a numbers game.

You’ve got to put yourself out there and meet a lot of people if you’re hoping to find that special someone or someones. What could be better than having a machine that allows you to contact as many people as you want? Surely this would give you unlimited options. The problem is that when people have options they get fussy, or they can’t bite the bullet and decide on one of those options.

Women, particularly hot women, sometimes get hundreds of hits a day on their internet dating profiles. How then are they supposed to make a

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decision or even get back to all of those prospective boyfriends? But do you think they’re going to take that profile down, even if they wouldn’t be seen dead talking to 99 percent of those guys in the real world? No way. They get a massive ego boost just logging on to that site every day. Then they do what most women with a lot of options do. They start dating a co-worker or a friend of a friend – a guy they know and trust. Why would they risk meeting a possible Ted Bundy online?

When I explored the world of internet dating some years ago I found that many of the women I did actually email regularly had put up their profiles after a bad breakup with a long-term boyfriend. It seemed to me the profile was there to boost their self-esteem, not necessarily to help them find a partner.

The thing about internet dating is that it’s a tonne of work and it can cost you beaucoup dollars, all for an uncertain result. You could just as easily meet someone in the real world in the time it takes to sort out the candidates, and meeting people in the real world is free. I have some friends who met their life partners online but this sometimes took a period of years to achieve. I’m older now

and I don’t have that kind of time and patience any more. In my travels I eventually came across an ad on Youtube for a dating site. I signed up, not knowing it was for a US site.

To my surprise the emails began flooding in at a rate of about five to ten a day. Of course many of these were scams; a picture of a hot chick ripped off from Facebook or a modelling agency site with some unemployed guy in an internet cafe in Accra or Lagos doing the typing and trying to hit you up for dollars.

Or some blonde chick from Kiev or Moscow who’s going to meet you in a seedy motel and sic her pimp onto you for your credit cards and mobile phone and you’d end up like Ben Chapman in that terrible Nicole Kidman movie Birthday Girl. One of the Russians had a picture of Miranda Kerr on his or her profile. A few of the responses were genuine and eventually I found myself emailing with two women, both from Florida. One was older and one was younger. I think they were after some prime Australian beef. These American women think we Aussie men are all built like Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman and we wrestle crocodiles and ride wild horses around the outback. That’s other thing about the internet, people project a fantasy onto the person’s profile that’s got very little to do with reality. I communicated with these two ladies for several months and it was fun for a while but as I got invested in the process I found myself becoming anxious wondering who else they were talking to, both online and in the real world. Eventually I decided I didn’t need to be worrying so much about two women on the other side of the world who I probably wasn’t likely to meet in real life anyway and, after saying goodbye and good luck to both of them, I pulled my profile. I haven’t gone near a dating site since and haven’t regretted it.

THE CITY LIGHTS Great thoughts of stoners: Dude, dude, dude, dude. They should make a cereal bowl out of cereal. Coming up you have… ................................................

_ _ _ Sea of Bright Lights is the debut album from City Riots and if you don’t own it yet, what is wrong with you? Eh, it’s all good. If you pop down to The Workers Club on December 6 you’re bound to hear plenty of stuff off their eagerly awaited debut. Bunkering down with Paul Annison, the band spent months creating an album they hoped would have “a sense of depth and space without being overdone, overplayed, over thought or over produced.” ................................................

_ _ _ Swedish songman Jens Lekman will return to our shores early in 2013 as part of the Perth International Arts Festival but has tagged on a few additional dates. Playing guitar-based pop with a healthy dose of samples, Lekman has released a string of EPs and albums since 2000. It all started off with The Insect EP with his latest being the full player, I Know What Love Isn’t. The Garden Party – February 15. ................................................

_ _ _ Just when you had finally recovered from the healthy dose of Eurodance/dance-pop that Vengaboys served up earlier in the year, the 90s dance juggernauts will return for another serving early in the New Year. Yep, it’s time for more ‘Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!’, ‘We Like to Party’ and ‘We’re Going to Ibiza’. They will be joined ‘Slave to the Music’ exponents Twenty 4 Seven.

The Espy – January 10. ................................................

_ _ _ Hardcore lovers will be thrilled to know that Converge will be heading to Australia early in the New Year. Over twenty years later the band is as strong as ever, releasing their eighth studio album All We Love We Leave Behind last month. Of the album Pitchfork Media said, “There’s never a dull moment across AWLWLB’s 38 minutes. It’s all peaks.” Billboard – February 15.

MELBOURNE

___ Multiple Grammy winner Carole King returns to Australia next year for the first time since 2010. King has one of the respected music careers of anyone.

She penned her first #1 hit, ‘Will You Still Love me Tomorrow’, when she was a teenager. Her 1971 album Tapestry has sold over 25 million albums worldwide and was ranked #36 on Rolling Stone’s 500 Greatest Albums of all Time list. The Plenary – February 18. ................................................

_ _ _ When Denver’s folk rock outfit The Lumineers uploaded the single ‘Ho Hey’ to YouTube in March they probably didn’t think it would clock up over 13 million views and counting. But the little trio, whose members Wesley Schultz and Jeremiah Fraites starting writing songs together in 2005, is one of those bands that is finding warm attention and affection wherever they go. Their self-titled album is out now. The Corner – March 29. ................................................

_ _ _ This year saw the second full-length release for Pennsylvania’s band Title Fight. The album, Floral Green, was met with strong reviews and shows an evolution of sound from their 2009 debut, The Last Thing You Forget. It is an album that has managed to appease their old fans while attracting newer fans to their world. The band started as a three-piece in 2003 before adding a fourth player in 2005. Reverence Hotel – March 16 & Phoenix Youth Centre – March 17. ................................................

___ In support of their third album Worship, Brooklyn’s A Place to Bury Strangers will pay Australia a little visit early in 2013. The New Yorkbased noise rock band was born in 2001 when now former member David Goffan began playing around with eight-track recorders in his spare time. The band beefed up in numbers and in 2003 they played their first show. They released their self-titled debut in 2007. The Corner – January 20. ................................................

_ _ _ There has been a venue change for the punk rock fest that is SRH FEST 2012 with the event now taking place at Billboard (December 15).

Featuring Suicidal Tendencies, Unwritten Law and Finnish pranksters The Dudesons, SRH FEST is all about ball-breaking riffs and, in the case of The Dudesons, ball-breaking hits. Local acts and

the cat empire _ _ _ Aussie fans have been pretty starved of The Cat Empire this year with the band touring heavily overseas but there is a bit to look forward to next year. First up is a new album which the band has been laying down with Jan Skubiszewski. You can expect that one in May. But to warm things up will be the second bit of good news: a tour. See I told you, a bit to look forward to. The Prince – March 20 & 21.

DJs will also feature. The venue move was made to avoid potential noise restriction difficulties. ................................................

_ _ _ In the blue corner you have one of Australia’s finest songwriters and in the red corner you have one of New Zealand’s finest songwriters In what is sure to be a wonderful evening of great songs and stories, Paul Kelly and Neil Finn have teamed up for a tour early next year. You can expect to hear material from their earliest of days through to today. The Palais – February 16 & 18. ................................................

_ _ _ Head’s up: If a debut at #14 for his new album Smokey’s Haunt on the ARIA Album Chart wasn’t enough to bring a smile to the face of Urthboy, a five star review in The Australian would be sure to have him grinning from ear to ear. Co-produced by Hermitude and Countbounce, the album comes with a triple 28-page booklet and triple panel digipack. It will give you something to look at while you enjoy some fine tunes. The Corner – March 2.

_ _ _ Remember Extreme? They had a mega hit with their song ‘More Than Words’. To be fair to the band, they are far better than their acoustic ballad. Formed in the mid 1980s the band was one of the most successful rock bands of the early 1990s. They started life as a “funky metal” band before later combining classic rock with a more alternative rock sound. Extreme will be joined by guitar virtuoso Richie Kotzen at The Palace on April 19. ................................................

_ _ _ The Hi-Fi will host the Melbourne Final of the Emergenza Festival on December 9. Beginning in Europe in 1990 as a way for friends to share some tunes, the Emergenza Festival has evolved into a global event which seeks out the best in emerging talent. 14 bands of varying genres will take part in the Melbourne final before a jury of music industry professionals send a winner to the next leg of the finals. From there spot at the international finals in Germany, 2013 is up for grabs.

Visit our website at nandos.com.au for details & be sure to follow us on Facebook at Facebook.com/nandosaus

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HIT OR SHIT!

RIHANNA'S 777 TOUR: Their latest Greatest Hits compilation “Ten” – featuring 4 new tracks – is in stores this week in Australia. Review next issue!

How an innocent working holiday turned into

GIRLS ALOUD’S ON THE METRO One of the best Girls Aloud songs on record, and it’s being released as a single next.

NADINE COYLE

Notably oversized hat wearer and warbling legend off-of Girls Aloud proves just why she’s regarded as the voice of Girls Aloud through all the new material.

complete CHAOS.

RIHANNA

Gurl you need a 12 month nap.

A CERTAIN POP STAR ‘SHUTTING DOWN’ HIS VERY POPULAR FAN CLUB

THE CHARTS

They’ve taken a seat to make way for Rihanna’s awful 777 plane this issue but will return next fortnight.

For those of you unaware with Rihanna’s recent 777 Tour, the promotional jaunt was a tour that went for 7 days, visited 7 countries, all aboard a 777 plane.

The idea of inviting 150 hand-picked journalists along was spirited, as was the inclusion of fans and competition winners. Spending 7 days with Rihanna all around the world doesn’t sound like that much of a bad idea at all – and on Day 1 there were no signs at all of any chaos brewing. Entering the area of the plane that seated the journalists and fans, Rihanna started pouring champagne into flutes whilst inviting everyone to “party” with her this week. For the majority of the people on that plane, that was the last time they would see her offstage.

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to the wake up call to only then have to wait for hours on most days before finally taking off? That girl needs to walk into the pleb area of a concert arena and pull up a fucking seat.

The media blew up. Looking for a story, tired of waiting around and being fed “german meat chips at 4am” (more on that later), the journos started riling each other up, shouting towards the Rihanna-end of the plane “JUST ONE QUOTE! JUST ONE QUOTE! SAVE OUR JOBS! SAVE OUR JOBS!” before a Melbourne Fox FM presenter (who was often referred to as “the one with the fucking harmonica” on social media) decided to strip to his birthday suit and streak through the aisle. After looking for a story, as one of the writers on the tour said, they actually became the story.

Reports from website Gawker shedded some light on this bizarre move. “But after that first, coruscating appearance, Rihanna was gone. And I do mean gone. I hesitate to say that she looked visibly drunk or generally “on some of the hard shit” during her performances, so let me just say that we came to expect a three hour delay before she went on every night. She barely does any of her own singing, which isn’t a huge pearl-clutcher, but at least Britney danced a little. For Rihanna, just licking her lips during a song constitutes a taxing, elaborate physical routine that deserves a couple of mid-performance tequila shots.”

Gawker reported “The #RihannaPlane is on the verge of complete anarchy. A frequent complaint on the trip? Some variation of ‘I want a glass of water so badly, but I guess I should be glad I don’t, because then I’d have to pee.”

It is hard to pee when you are trapped on a bus with no bathrooms for hours and hours because you don’t know when you can board your plane. I get the vitriol being directed at the press here. We’re on a free trip to Europe (fun!) and with Rihanna (again, theoretically fun!) and drink from the jet’s copious Ace supply (D.C. al Fine!).

But if being upset that we couldn’t work, drink water or piss regularly makes us privileged dicks, I guess we’re privileged dicks.”

Things would only get worse from this point on, with Rihanna delaying show start times, delaying flights to the next country because she was out bathing in hundred dollar bills and leaving journalists and fans bordering on psychosis. Sleep deprived, adhering

MTV’s Mary HK Choi also reported: being fed German Meat Chips at four in the morning, following it with “it now smells like a movie theater concession stand on the Rihanna plane and the people next to us just rolled up to their seats with tumblers filled with whiskey and then one of them promptly

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SHIT!

Apparently because he won’t be doing anything for a while so he’s just shutting down the entire fan club. Okay then do we start calling you Lady Gaga or?

Written by Adem with an E.

Oh Rihanna.

HIT

GIRLS ALOUD

spilled it into his seat back pocket.”

The tour finally came to an end with its final show in London, and on the last day, Rihanna finally returned to visit the media and friends down in economy, even offering a few soundbites which, for the most part, read like complete bullshit.

“This has been an experience every day – my sleeping was all done on this plane. I didn’t get to spend as much time as I would have liked with you guys. I know you’re tired as well.”

Of course he’s tired, he wasn’t up boozing and stuffing about in hotels and after parties; he was waiting for you to get on a bloody plane for hours on end for an entire week.

“I would do it again, but I’d sit back here so I can see the naked Australian next time.”

“I have to pay attention to myself. I can’t just go and go and go. This time I had to sleep. Usually I would be back here partying my balls off, but this time I really had to pay attention, take care of my health. We’re on a plane all the time. So many people; no rest, no voice, seven shows in a row. So I tried to get as much sleep as I could.”

“The hardest part...I guess trying to balance being a host and being a performer at the same time. I need to do my show and then shut up until the next show and then in two hours we have to fly and sleep. But I really wanted to hang out and interact with everybody and give everybody some of my time. I guess it was difficult, it was hard to be able to do that.”

Rihanna’s new album Unapologetic is now the #1 album in over 60 countries. Any press is good press, right RiRi? Well it’s a shame an album so bad has done so well, because it’s one of the biggest snorefests of the year. There are less than a handfull of songs on it worth bothering with – somebody with a notorious reputation like hers should atleast be delivering great songs. It may be number #1 but watch that tumble down as the weeks go by. And we’ll no doubt be saying something similar in 12 months when she releases yet another new album and continues her reign as a shadow of the pop star she could have become.

The Tiger and me

By Andrew Pretorius

You’d think that squeezing three singersongwriters into the one band could easily lead to personality clashes or a too-many-cooksspoil-the-broth situation. If there’s any truth to this assumption, the fact that Melbournebased sextet The Tiger and Me – half of whom share both singing and writing responsibilities – manage to maintain harmony is perhaps a testament to the humility of its members.

According to Tobias, who is one of the singersongwriters, while a complete lack of ego problems between members is one factor that holds them together, the practice of honest communication is another: “We’re all pretty open…you’ve got to be open to taking criticism from people if you’re going to write with them. (It’s) pretty funny how blatant we are sometimes.”

It makes sense that it would take such interpersonal transparency to keep the fabric of such a big band tightly woven. And while the moments that necessitate such candid communication with each other may be tinged with tension, the size of the band and the fact that it is teeming with talent certainly confers benefits. Explains Tobias, “It gives you a lot more freedom when you write…we’ve also got a bass player and the guitarist doing backing vocals too, so when you’re thinking about how to construct a song there’s all of these different instruments and different vocalists you can use…(it’s) a great relief to have other songwriters who can help you when you get stuck.”

Cosmo Jarvis

By Ophelia Symons

Cosmo Jarvis is a singer, songwriter, producer, actor, editor, composer and multi instrumentalist with over 300 songs to his name...at just twenty-three years old! He’s also had a handful of compliments from celebrity tweeters like Australian diva Kylie Minogue, actor John Barrowman and British comedian/actor Stephen Fry – if that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is! Cosmo Jarvis will be passing through Castlemaine and Melbourne amongst other cities around the country and will also be making an appearance at Lorne’s Falls Festival in December through to January.

I had the pleasure of chatting to the man himself about his visit down under, his latest release Think Bigger, and his celebrity admirers.

Cosmo visited Australia late last year to play just two shows in Sydney and Melbourne and this time he’s gearing up for a two week tour that sees him playing a total of eleven shows in support of his newest album Think Bigger. “I’m looking forward to it, should be wicked,” says Cosmo. “I’ve got a bigger band with me this time which should be more substantial sonically.

I think that the show is going to be a bit heavier than the last time we were there, because of festivals and stuff like that, and it will vary musically.”

Think Bigger is Cosmo’s third studio album released in July of this year and despite some great reviews, Cosmo is quite modest about it. “I think it’s doing alright, I’m not really sure. Nobody’s said they hated it

Dialect

of DIALECT AND DESPAIR

BY Luke McNamara

So you are one half of Dialect and Despair, an Emcee/ producer DJ combo out of ADL, how did you Guys get to making music together? take us back a little..

Despair was DJing around Adelaide and making beats on the low. I was doing my thing in the scene rhyming at battles etc since I was about 13. We then met when I was about 18 years old through our mutual friend and local Hip Hop artist Delta. We were just both hanging out at his crib by chance one day and we got talking about records as we were both into collecting. We decided to go for a dig together and we just clicked and decided to work on one song in the studio. We had fun so the rest was history. We ran with it and formed Dialect & Despair.

Self Evident is your second album. It has dropped to wide-spread praise particularly from underground heads, how was the process different in making this in comparison to the first album? I think the main difference is experience. Experience with each other as a partnership/friendship, in life and in the studio, both engineering and recording wise. We are both continually learning and that’s what was so great about going in to do album number 2, seeing how much we had learnt and progressed together as a group and duo. The first album we still had only just met, now our ideas are more congruent which is great.

You are by every definition a hip-hop purist - define you ideology with making and listening to hip-hop? I think I definitely am a purist but I also think that title does

It’s been a big year for The Tiger. The band is currently on tour to promote their new album, The Drifter’s Dawn, which is their second full-length.

Aided by ARIA-nominated producer Steve Schram (The Cat Empire), the creation of the album followed ABC Music’s imprint label “Four/Four” signing them; this all happened in 2012. The band’s first album and subsequent live shows presented audiences with a sound that could be relied upon, so the reaction of fans to a stylistic shift was always going to be unpredictable. But Tobias has been pleased with what he’s seen so far: “The audiences have been really responsive, really good. I guess what we’ve been looking forward to is seeing how the fans of our previous stuff relate to the new material ‘cause it’s quite different, some of it, to the previous albums that we’ve done.”

Tobias describes the new album as “less gypsy” than their previous material. Indeed, while they haven’t completely shaken themselves free of their waltz roots, the album also incorporates folk, soft-rock, and sing-song-y, everything’s-going-to-be-okay backing vocals. And just as the sounds and instruments utilised in each individual song add, in their own way, to the album as a whole, so do their lyrics. As Tobias puts it, “We all collaborated on it, and the album actually tells a story from start to finish…it loosely tells kind of a Bonnie and Clyde story with a couple on the run, with a bit of a Jeckyl and Hyde essence to the male character who turns out to be crazy.” Tobias says that madness is a theme that crops up fairly regularly in the band’s lyrics. But if this motif relates to any of its members’ personal lives, their demons are very well-hidden: Factors such as Tobias’s demeanour, the band’s professionalism, and their ability to work so well collaboratively indicate that they are actually exemplars of sanity.

When&Where: Friday November 30, Bridge Hotel Castelmaine

yet or anything like that, but generally it’s been better than I thought it would be so that’s something!”

He’s produced a total of three full length albums in just three years – which is a lot more than the regular musician could even dream of producing before hitting twenty five – and each album has it’s own flare, so what makes this album different to the others? “It’s a mixture of a rockabilly kind of rock, and a folkabilly kind of folky stuff,” laughs Cosmo. “I was told that the sound is slightly more concise than on the other albums and I probably compressed things a lot less than I used to audio wise. I used to just really thrash everything so it was easier to deal with when mixing, and this one I didn’t really do that so much so it kind of had a bit more of a natural dynamic that was derivative of how the instruments were initially played acoustically. I think it kind of sounds a little bit more realistic maybe. I look at some of the mixes of some earlier ones and they’re just f*cking sh*t and I’m ashamed of them, but through sh*tness comes less sh*tness!” laughs Cosmo.

Cosmo had his Triple J Hottest 100 debut with ‘Gay Pirates’ entering at #85 in last year’s countdown, which is pretty unreal for a twenty three year old on the other side of the world. “It’s pretty cool, I’m just really glad somebody likes it, because it hasn’t really happened anywhere else like it has there, yeah it’s really cool.”

‘Gay Pirates’ caused quite a stir in the UK with Radio One banning the song from playing on their radio station. While the stations decision wasn’t taken lightly by Cosmo, positive comments from John Barrowman and Stephen Fry more than made up for it. “That was wicked because those people are alright and their opinion means more than people who get paid and don’t know anything about music, so that was really nice.”

When&Where: 29 December at Bridge Hotel – Castlemaine, 30 December at Falls Festival – Lorne & 3 January at Corner Hotel – Melbourne Stephen Fry and John Barrowman weren’t the only celebs interested in the young Englishman. The last time Cosmo visited our shores he stopped by Triple J headquarters to cover Kylie’s hit ‘Spinning Around’ which earned him recognition from not only the Triple J listeners but from the Pop Princess herself. Kylie tweeted just after the video was published with a link to his cover, writing ‘new crush!!!!’ to millions of her followers. “Yeah that was f*cking amazing because

she is like a legend. I was really worried about the cover anyway to be honest because everyone in Australia knows that song pretty well, and then some English person comes and defaces it publically, I was worried but it came out okay, which was good.”

Welcome in the New Year with Cosmo Jarvis at the Falls Festival or at one of his sideshows!

a dis-service at times, because it’s easy to hide behind that label and not push the craft. Many people who label themselves a “purist” don’t really make the music I go crazy for or believe it’s about being stuck in the past. My ideology is that I am a purist for all genres. I like rock, soul, funk and jazz that is made in that pure state. It sounds authentic. That doesn’t mean the sounds don’t progress and change though, my purist definition is a feeling and mood. So I approach the same principal with making and listening to hip-hop, it’s not about limiting yourself to rules; it’s about channeling that energy, mood or feeling. If I’m not feeling that energy or mood, I won’t release my music or listen to it from another artist. That’s really what being a purist is about for me Your sound is true to that of hip-hop from the Golden Era, is this something you set out to always create, or is it just a case of - ‘we started making a song, and this is how it ended up sounding’? We definitely are creating a sound that we want to hear. I think that influence is from our obsession with old records and digging more than the Golden Era of hip-hop. We love the sounds, equipment and the way music was recorded in the 60’s and 70’s. So the kind of records we are using and samplers we produce our records with just lend itself to that sound. I’ve experimented with a different array of sounds in my development and this is what we love to hear. So the music we make is just natural and what inspires us.

How is Adelaide as a city for an up-and-coming Emcee? It is a great city. It is not as big as other cities and at times a little less exciting but I think that encourages creativity. There’s a lot of time spent with friends just pursuing hip-hop and the culture. There is a strong hip-hop community here so I think if you dedicate your time to developing your craft in this city you can do many great things.

You recently took a trip to NYC, the home of hip-hop.

You got some promo done with some of the legends

RELEASE: Self Evident out now through Unknowhow Records.

- tell us about it? We were very blessed to be able to meet and connect with some of our heroes growing up like OC, AG, Lord Finesse etc. We were building with DITC affiliate producer Amed and through him we had the opportunity to connect with these legends. It is a nice feeling to have people you looked up to and respected growing up and still do today, give their blessing on your music, very humbling. We were also working on music with Milano Constantine & D Flow of Ghetto Dwellas/ DITC affiliation so through that we had the opportunity to go in to HeadQcourterz studio which is DJ Premier & Showbiz’s studio and used to be D&D Studios where a lot of classic hip-hop albums were made. To be in the studio these albums were made in and in the foyer seeing the Big L, Jay Z, Biggie, Gangstarr plaques was awe inspiring.

Who are some other artists in OZ listeners should keeping an ear out for? I think people should definitely keep their eyes and ears peeled for my man Social Change out of Adelaide. Also my brother Motion is a phenomenal MC. And my man 1/6 out of Melbourne.

That’s my 3 right there. All great artists and even better people.

Your all time collab, dead or alive? Man, that’s tough.

I’d have to say a song with Guru, produced by DJ Premier circa 1998. That would be live!

Thanks D, anything else you would like to say to Forte readers? I’d just like to say thank you for taking time to listen to our music and supporting us if you already have. And if you are new to us we hope you enjoy what we put down and we look forward to building with other like-minded souls.

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FILM REVIEWS

written by anthony morris

Skyfall Depending on your view of the Bond series, Skyfall – which marks 50 years of Bond on the big screen – signals either a return to form or a worrying drift away from the grittier edge established in Daniel Craig’s two previous outings. It’s probably more accurate to say it’s both: while some of the series’ more traditional elements are back, this is hardly an all-retro outing. The opening action sequence, which starts with a car chase and increasingly escalates until construction equipment is demolishing a train (which just may be the same train Bond was travelling inside in From Russia With Love) may signal a return to over-the-top action, but it never comes close to the silliness of the Roger Moore era. Things go wrong, the title sequence is full of images of skulls and drowning, Bond is assumed dead by M (Judi Dench) and MI5 and it’s not until an attack takes place in the heart of London than Bond returns to duty. Even then, he’s in pretty shabby shape – the series having leap-frogged from the young gun Bond of the first two films to having him be nearing the end of his career here – and with M facing forced retirement political appointee Mallory (Ralph Fiennes) isn’t exactly giving Bond the thumbs up. But the bad guy from the opening chase (he stole a list of undercover NATO agents) is set to arrive in Shanghai so Bond is sent to find out what he knows then dispose of the corpse, only to get things the wrong way around (in a brilliantly shot fight in a night time skyscraper lit only by giant advertisements that play on its outer walls). Cue a somewhat underused Bond girl (Bérénice Marlohe) and the eventual arrival of the bad guy behind it all, the hilariously flamboyant and sinister Silva (Javier Bardem). The film has fun with the formula – viewed one way, Silva is the lead in the traditional Bond narrative with M and Bond the bad guys, viewed another Silva acts like a traditional flamboyant Bond bad guy simply because he knows that’s how to get MI5’s attention – and the action is never less than gripping, but this does have a few flat patches here and there that prevent it from being the “best Bond ever” early reviews touted it as. Craig gets to smile a little more often and the main supporting cast are strong (Ben Winshaw as the new Q stands out) but Dench gets a lot more screen time than usual here and she makes good use of it. There’s always a strong pull towards camp with Bond; fortunately an atypical but extremely effective climax based around an isolated farmhouse suggests that even with some of the old pieces back in place the series isn’t going to be heading backwards any time soon.

Celeste and Jesse Forever Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Adam Samberg) are the bestest of best friends. They have in jokes, they know each others lives, they care about each other. Which is a problem, because they’re also getting divorced. While they act like their situation is the best possible result after six years of marriage and years of relationship before that, having Jesse – an artist who’s not exactly getting it done – living in his studio out the back of the house where Celeste – a trend forecaster who co-owns her own business and just published a book titled Shitegeist – does feel like they’re not really moving on with their lives. Celeste seems vaguely frustrated by Jesse’s failure to get his act together; Jesse holds out hope they’ll get back together. And then suddenly his life heads off on a surprise tangent and Celeste, who’s been the one who’s always in control and always right, starts to crumble around the edges. There’s not a whole lot to this film storywise and it’s not quite as gut-wrenching as some of the other indie break-up films that have come out over the last few years, but considering the relatively lightweight comedy performances both leads are best known for their character work is the real draw here. Samberg is surprisingly solid as a guy who mans up for once in his life; Jones, who co-wrote the script, isn’t afraid to turn herself into a real mess. There are a lot of decent laughs here but this is never a jokey film, and the various romantic trajectories largely play out in that kind of muddling, slightly frustrating way that’s the trademark of indie films at the moment. It may rely a little too much on audience identification (if you don’t like the characters or can’t relate to the situation, there’s not a lot else for you here), but if you’re on its wavelength this will linger long after the credits roll. And not just because at one point Celeste makes friends with a character who’s basically Ke$ha.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower Introverted fifteen year-old Charlie (Logan Lerman) is having a rough time of things. His best friend recently killed himself and he had a mental breakdown not long afterwards, so returning to the world of high school is not exactly filling him with confidence and joy. Fortunately he’s taken under the wing of a pair of older kids: Patrick (Ezra Miller) and his step sister Sam (Emma Watson). Dramatic and flamboyant, they’re exactly what he needs to come out of his shell, even if it’s also somewhat obvious that he may not be entirely ready, let alone able, to face the world on his lonesome. Based on the popular mid-90s novel

by Stephen Chbosky (who wrote and directed this), Wallflower is a solid tale of teen angst and redemption though finding friends that, like you, don’t fit in.

It’s not afraid to go dark(ish) in places, which adds a vital edge to what is otherwise a fairly predictable feel-good tale for much of its length. Lerman is spot on as a kid who’s trying to put himself back together but is still more fragile than those around him, and both Miller and Watson do good work as arty types putting on a brave face despite their own problems. That said, not everything here works: the song chosen to symbolise their desire for freedom is a smart choice, the fact these proto-hipster kids seem to have never heard it before (seriously, even in early-90s pre-internet Pittsburgh they would have heard of this song) totally derails the movie every time it’s mentioned. But the embarrassing stuff is embarrassing on purpose, the friendships feel real and the triumphs for the most part feel earned. It’s the kind of story that can really connect to an audience, and for the most part this gets it right.

Fun Size Fun Size is a film in which a chicken restaurant’s mascot – a giant statue of a pirate chicken with a mechanical waving arm – falls off its perch, crushes the rear end of a car and then, powered by the still operational mechanical arm, proceeds to dry hump the car over and over and over again. It doesn’t power down after a few thrusts; it keeps on humping away in the background and when the car finally does drive away, the chicken keeps on humping until it finally falls off. Oh, the scene that happens while the car gets humped? A teenager shoots at another with a flintlock pistol, blowing apart a chicken drumstick the other teen is holding. This makes Fun Size sound a lot more fun than it actually is, though make no mistake: this movie is fun, but only if you’re prepared to laugh constantly at the parade of bizarre, ill-judged and just plain dumb attempts at comedy director Josh Schwartz (creator of The O.C. and Gossip Girl) throws at the screen. Made by Nickelodeon – which means it’s a teen movie aimed at barely teens, not a teen movie aimed at twenty-somethings – it’s one night in the life of Wren (Victoria Justice), a not very nerdy-nerd invited to the hot guy Halloween party only to be stuck trick-or-treating with her nightmare little brother (who doesn’t talk and constantly steals candy). The brother vanishes, Wren and her slightly trampy best mate (Jane Levy) team up with some other male nerds to find him, Wren’s mum (Chelsea Handler, looking old) goes to a twenty-something party dressed as Britney Spears, Johnny Knoxville wanders around wearing a wig being a sex pest, at least two people kidnap the little brother (one lures him into his car while shouting “I’m not luring a small child into my car”) and if you have any love or respect for The Beastie Boys this film will make you howl in pain. It is a mess.

2 Days In New York Julie Delpy’s 2 Days In Paris was a fun, if forgettable, comedy about an American (Adam Goldberg) forced to deal with the somewhat in-your-face family of his slightly scatterbrained French girlfriend Marion (Delpy, who also directed). This sequel only changes two things about the formula: it moves the action to New York, and Goldberg has been replaced by Chris Rock. Not in a soap opera, “the character of X will now be played by Y” way, mind you: having broken up with the father of her child, she’s fallen for and moved in with Mingus (Rock). All seems well until her family – father Jeannot (Albert Delpy), sister Rose (Alexia Landeau) and ex-boyfriend who’s now hooked up with Rose Manu (Alexandre Nahon) – arrive. Rose walks around near-naked, Jeannot is eccentric at best and Manu invites drug dealers into the house. Marion isn’t happy but there are her people; Mingus, on the other hand, is freaking out. Delpy’s film is uneven and the manic nature of some of the scenes grates after a while, but she’s a charming lead and Rock is even better as the only level-headed person around. You wouldn’t want to live with these people, but they’re certainly fun to check in on every now and again.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn pt 2 Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: as the fifth film in a five film series, this is not the point to jump on board the Twilight saga. In a lot of ways the story really ended with the end of the last film: Bella (Kristen Stewart) had finally gotten her wish to become a vampire at the fangs of Edward Cullen (Robert Patterson), the love triangle between Bella, Edward and werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) had worked itself out with Jacob “imprinting” on Bella and Edward’s half vampire, half human baby Renesmee and all’s well that ends laughably. But there’s still a whole half of the final novel in the Twilight series to go, so this kicks off with Bella enjoying her new vampire powers – she even almost eats a cute deer, but luckily a cougar comes along so she can eat that instead – while Jacob desperately tries to explain to everyone that “imprinting” isn’t anywhere near as creepy as it sounds and Edward gets to finally enjoy some hot vampire sex, which in some cases can go for a decade non-stop. Even better, Renesmee, being half vampire, grows up superfast so Bella doesn’t really have to deal with annoying baby stuff and Jacob isn’t going to be all old and yucky before she’s old enough to submit to his wolf-like charms. Fortunately for those wondering exactly what the point of this film is past a super-happy ending for all the characters, the evil-ish Vampire High Council, the Voltari, get word of Renesmee and, thinking she’s a run-of-the-mill vampire child, which is a massive no-no (vampire kids tend to wreck up the place when they have a tantrum, which is not good for vampires trying to lay low), decide to teach the Cullen family a lesson.

The Cullen’s put together a team of “witnesses” to explain the kid is not going to go off the rails, everyone seems to have super-powers and the stage is set for what turns out to be a surprisingly satisfying ending to the whole series. Make no mistake, this is just as nutty and wobbly as all the other films: the special effects are often dodgy, everyone aside from the main trio often seems incapable of even straight-to-DVD-standard acting, and so on.

But over the five films Twilight has been pretty consistent in being basic-level entertaining – the awful second film aside – and this neither lets the side down nor makes a late break for quality. More than just about any other based-on-a-book franchise, Twilight has been about keeping the books’ fans happy: whatever anyone else might think, on that level it’s mission accomplished.

FILM WRAP Sessions: A man all but paralysed all his life by polio wants to have sex before he dies in this heartwarming and refreshingly frank film. Which means, yes, Helen Hunt gets naked.

The Master: Joaquin Phoenix is more beast than man in post WWII America until he find himself on a boat belonging to the

Phillip Seymour Hoffman, the leader of an organisation that isn’t Scientology.

What follows isn’t so much a battle of wills as a compelling but opaque meeting of minds Alex Cross: Alex Cross (Tyler Perry) is a top Detroit detective not quite smart enough to figure out that getting in the way of a top assassin (a

startlingly thin Matthew Fox) is probably going to bring down some pain on those he loves.

Seven Psychopaths: From the writer / director of In Bruges comes a tale of a hollywood screenwriter (Colin Farrell) looking for seven insanely violent characters, and the oddball friend ( Sam

Rockwell), who’s just a little too helpful.

street violence or a major crime bust.

End of Watch: Written and directed by the writer of Training Day, this is basically a buddy cop film built around the banter between two leads (Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Peña) with real chemistry, occasionally interrupted by a burst of

Bachelorette: Three women (Kristen Dunst, Ilsa Fisher, Lizzy Caplan) are roped into being bridesmaids for a friend (Rebel Wilson) they never really liked. A whole lot of hilarity ensures in this often darkly funny comedy.

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MUSIC REVIEWS

eps, albums & live reviews

San Cisco Self-titled

l i v e r ev i ew

Fat Possum Records

Ball Park Music

If you listen to Australian indie-pop, you’ve no doubt heard of San Cisco. You no doubt know their single, ‘Awkward’, as it was in the top ten of last year’s Hottest 100. I personally absolutely hated that track. I did however love their followup ‘Rocket Ship’, so going into this album, I knew it could go either way. I was quite happy to discover that it went in the latter direction. Another nice surprise was the fact that they eschewed the current trend of putting breakout tracks from previous EPs onto their debut album, unlike what Mumford and Sons, Bleeding Knees Club and Foster the People have done in recent years. San Cisco’s selftitled effort is fun indie-pop from start to finish. Every track is under four minutes, most are under three, but they practically define the phrase “short but sweet”. Having said that, the first track ‘Beach’ is also the longest. It’s also a little slower and more stripped-back, leading it to feel pretty serious. Next up is ‘Fred Astaire’, which, appropriately, you can’t help but dance along to. ‘Wild Things’ was released as a single previous to the album, and is a solid track, however the standout is ‘Lyall’, if only for its “na na na na na na na’s”. An impressive debut album for a band that is about to explode worldwide.By Camron Brogden

the bended elbow, geelong 22 November 2012 28 weeks. 202 days. 4,848 hours. 290,880 minutes. 17,452,800 seconds. This is how long I’ve been waiting to see Ball Park Music play since seeing them earlier this year at Groovin The Moo, Bendigo. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Sam Cromack; my future husband and lead singer of Ball Park Music grace the stage with such poise and charisma. As soon as they broke out with ‘Fence Sitter’ as their opening song I knew my 4,848 hour long wait was going to be well worth with it. I downed my cider in record pace, yes I was thirsty but mainly because I couldn’t casually sip on my pint when I was surrounded by an energetic sea of dancing bodies. Let’s face it, I wasn’t willing to sacrifice a precious drop to the Bended Elbow dance floor. I noticed these guys had attracted a very diverse group of music lovers, all of which

had come prepared to dance the night away. Sam Cromack was unrestrained and uncompromised as he oozed liveliness and enthusiasm that was reciprocated by the crowd. He danced. The crowd danced. He sang. The crowd sang. He ripped his clothes off. The crowd ripped off their clothes. Okay, that last one didn’t happen but with the control he had over the crowd, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did!

It has been a busy year for the Brisbane based band with the annoucement of ‘The 180° Tour’ (their most ambitious tour yet), a set at Splendour In The Grass, and the release of their second album Museum (out now! Go get it). These guys are also recent nominees of The Triple J Australian Album of the Year Award and have been venturing the land on a headline Museum tour supported by Loon Lake. And hallelujah! Geelong were lucky enough to make the destination list! In conclusion, Ball Park Music were unbelievable and the garagerock sound bought to us by Melbourne-boys, Loon Lake, provided a perfect warm up to a crazy night of dancing, sing-a-longs and cider guzzling. By Sarah Gross

Izzy Losi and the Auracles Bat For Lashes

Outlast The Storm Independent

The Haunted Man

A year ago, Izzy Losi won the Queenscliff Music Festival Perpetual Scholarship, since then she’s put a permanent band together, in The Auracles and she’s used the money to record this EP, Outlast The Storm. She’s been performing alone and with the band in Geelong for years, there is no questioning this girl’s talent, in both her voice and her piano playing. That’s without mentioning the skills of her band, Simon In’t Hout on guitar, Christian Hehir on bass and Nicholas Miles on drums. Throughout the album, the centrepiece is, of course, Izzy’s voice, with her piano accompaniment. It almost seems as though the band’s place is merely to accent these two factors. This is untrue of the first single ‘Running’, where the instruments all complement each other rather well. Lyrically the record is great, especially in tracks like ‘Art of Conversation’ and ‘Dream Breaker’. There are shades of Missy Higgins and Regina Spektor throughout the five tracks.

However, there seems to be something lacking from each track. They’re all technically sound, the music and lyrics are beautiful, they’re fantastically executed, they’re just missing that special something. A good first effort, there is no end to the potential shown by Izzy and her band, they just haven’t quite hit that sweet spot. Worth picking up especially to support local music and emerging artists. By Cameron Brogden

Echo Label When I first heard ‘Laura’, the first single from this album, I was blown away. The raw emotion in Natasha Khan’s voice, as well as the pure quality of her singing ability were perfect.

It left me wondering why on earth I hadn’t started listening to Bat For Lashes sooner. The Haunted Man showed me why. It’s just not very good. I understand that a one-woman act requires a certain amount of help from drum machines and keyboards and looping pedals, but after a little while all of the tracks start to sound the same. With the exception of ‘Laura’, where the simplicity of the piano laid under her voice just accentuates it further. The electronic sound takes something away from quite a talented singer-songwriter, I can’t help but feel if she had been backed by a band or even just her on a piano, the album would have been much better. Eleven tracks in the style of ‘Laura’, not the same, but accentuating this new side of her talents. Unfortunately, we are left with the Bat For Lashes sound we have come to know. It’s not for everyone, especially not me. My suggestion would be to buy the single, and leave the album alone. Unless you’re into that kind of thing. By Cameron Brogden

Cub Scouts

Redcoats

Told You So

self-titled

Independent

Universal

Brisbane indie-pop five-piece Cub Scouts have had a great year, and now they’ve released their debut EP, Told You So. They’ve supported both Loon Lake and Ball Park Music this year, and they’re capping it off with their own national tour in December. This record opens with their breakout hit, ‘Evie’. It’s probably the highlight of the album, if anything, it is definitely the most upbeat of the tracks. It’s a fun, synth-heavy opener, and it’s about the lead singer, Tim Nelson’s dog. Next up is the title track, ‘Told You So’, which has been seeing heavy play on Triple J lately, and it is well deserved. Not as catchy and upbeat as ‘Evie’, the synth still plays off Nelson’s vocals, and it will just make you want more. The simple guitar hook throughout the next track, ‘Do You Hear’, will string you along that bit further.

It is at this point that the EP descends into previously unreleased songs, starting with ‘Hands’. Following the pattern of the first half of the record, ‘Hands’ is an upbeat, catchy indie-pop tune, and probably the second best track on there. ‘Scream’ is more serious, starting with just Nelson’s vocals and a synth backing, and even when the other instruments turn up, they’re merely backing for the lyrics. ‘Light Me Up’ takes the album deeper, keeping the tone serious, showing there is definitely more to the band than the pop sensibilities they’re known for. Definitely worth a listen. BY Cameron Brogden

Australia has a long history of rock bands, and now there’s one more to add to that legacy. The Redcoats have had a fantastic year of touring and recording, and it has all culminated in their debut album, creatively titled Redcoats. From the very beginning we are assaulted by powerful guitars, with the lead single from the album, ‘Raven’. This isn’t a modern rock sound, this is something else, influenced by the classic rockers that came before.

Emilio Mercuri’s vocals are pure rock, reminiscent of Robert Plant or Bruce Dickinson. ‘Death of Ecstasy’ opens with drums, and they just hook you along, before Mercuri’s voice again takes over. ‘Mr Young’ isn’t as hard as the previous tracks, however it does bring Neil Wilkinson’s guitar work to the forefront. From here on, it’s all about the rock. ‘House of Luna’ has an epic feel, even though it is under four minutes long. ‘Evergreen’ and ‘Running Games’ have classic, strong bass-lines, thanks to Rhys Kelly. And what’s a great rock album without distinctive drumming? Andrew Braidner rounds out the four-piece’s sound, which is pure rock. The album ends with the epic, almost nine minute ‘Mean Money’.

Buy this album, if only to throw it at your dad next time he’s complaining that there aren’t any Aussie rock bands anymore. It should shut him up for a while. By Cameron Brogden

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grogwatch Some people I know find Sam Simmons really really funny. Who is Sam Simmons, you ask?

He’s a comedian who these days mostly performs live and appears on Triple J, though a few years back he was on television a bit, which is where I first encountered his work and realised I didn’t enjoy it at all. Fortunately, despite my love of Australian comedy, it turned out I only love Australian comedy on television (because I’m lazy and all other forms of Australian comedy would require me to go out into Australia), so when Simmons stopped being on television I forgot all about him and how little I enjoyed his work. But now, all that’s changed! Simmons has a new comedy series - Problems - on the ABC and he threw the gauntlet down about it on the TV Tonight website: “’The first episode is really f---ing out there,’ he says. ‘It’s anarchic, subversive and dark. Lazy journalists are going to say, ‘It’s like The Mighty Boosh,’ but it’s nothing like the f---ing Mighty Boosh. That’s what they’ll write, though, because we can’t get our head around absurdism in this country.’”

Which is an odd thing to say considering he’s of an age to have grown up watching The Goodies, a show rarely confused with, say, The Office. Not to mention Shaun Micallef’s career doesn’t seem to have struggled these last few years thanks to Australian’s complete inability to “get our head around absurdism”.

It’s tempting to point out that simply calling some random shit “absurdist comedy” doesn’t make it so and an audiences’ failure to laugh at your work doesn’t mean they don’t get it, but who knows? Maybe Simmons show really is out there. Though for a show that’s out there, having an opening sketch where two old guys (comedians Anthony Morgan and Lawrence Mooney) make a joke about having to shoot a much-loved dog because they were “going out” seems more like something you would have seen on a random episode of Comedy Inc: The Late Shift. Now, maybe Simmons - who is the star and wrote most of his own material, though the series is directed by Trent O’Donnell (who also directs A Moody Christmas on after Problems) and has a team of writers led by Declan Fay - wanted to ease audiences into his “really f---ing out

there” show with a fairly traditional gag. Make that a really traditional gag. Make that a gag you could see on Red Faces.

Surprisingly, that opening bit was still kind of funny. And as the episode goes on it becomes clear that Morgan and Mooney are easily the best things going on here. Largely because they’re making fun of actual stuff rather than just repeating phrases over and over again in different voice in the hope that comedy will magically spring forth, as Simmons is keeping that approach all to himself.

When Morgan says later on in the episode that Mick Jagger is “not a fictional Australian’s arsehole”, it’s not a random comment: it’s the punchline to a comedy conversation that started with a decent idea (how many Australians do you have to hate to become un-Australian) then built on it (do fictional Australians count) with funny examples (I don’t hate Ned Kelly, I hate the legend of Ned Kelly) and comedy confusion (Mick Jagger only played Ned Kelly in a notoriously bad 70s film) before reaching the aforementioned punchline.

Meanwhile, Simmons is playing a quiz show host offering as a prize a “sexual trout”, which largely involves him acting out sticking a fake fish up his arse. Though the bit where he sticks the fish head over his groin and calls it a cod piece was almost funny.

Onto the next sketch, which turns out to be the backbone of the episode: Sam Simmons plays “Sam”, a guy who likes tacos too much. He makes tacos, eats one, then spits it up because they changed the recipe.Yeah, this is more like what I was expecting. Like pretty much everything Sam Simmons has ever written, this contains the potential for comedy then completely throws it out the window because why write a joke when you can have fake footage of a bear trying to catch hot dogs in a river on a TV set in the background. Why write jokes, people? Jokes aren’t “subversive”. Making people laugh isn’t “dark”. Being funny isn’t “really f--king out there”. Not that Simmons doesn’t know his stuff: “Sam” stands up, a coin falls out of his pocket and rolls down the back of the couch and hey presto, new sketch about the moths who live in his couch. Nice transition. Obviously, they’re people in moth costumes: slightly less obviously, this joke (or “joke”) was done in the previous sketch, where Sam’s cat was played by an actor in a cat

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suit. There’s a strand of comedy variously known as “monkey whimsy” or “animal whimsy”, in which a comedian bereft of jokes or insight tries to get the laughs started by peppering things with wacky references to silly animals. You know why Simmons said that Australian reviewers would compare Problems to The Mighty Boosh? Neither do I. But it could be because Boosh star Noel Fielding is one of the prime exponents of “animal whimsy” and Simmons does seem to find animals hilarious.

[Sam Simmons, a former zookeeper who started out on Fox FM as “the animal guy”, previously had a television series titled The Urban Monkey.

Stage shows include Tales From The Erotic Cat, and Where Can I Win A Bear Around Here. To be fair, he’s dialled back the animal titles in recent years, even if he does seem to have animal ears in the poster for his latest live show, About the Weather.]

The joke with the moths turns out to be a moderately “realistic” depiction of a crumbling marriage, only they’re, you know, moths. Sketch-wise they get a couple of turns, Simmon as the crap quiz show host comes back a few times - making the “it’s obvious what the real answer is after all these clues but sorry, the card says something completely different” joke (made famous by the “Moops” Trivial Pursuit answer in Seinfeld) twice in the same episode - a repeated sketch about “Ultra Phil” in which an intentionally shit song about “Ultra Phil” is sung while a regular guy tries to get work done in his office, a fake ad where a woman who doesn’t remember being trampled by a police horse sets up a video portrait business (this sketch was kind of okay, but suffered from having the same tone as everything else in the show) and a supermarket loudspeaker says hilariously wrong things about a dead old lady in aisle three and a wild animal attacking people on the second level. Wait, not hilariously. Predictably. I meant predictably.

Problems is not a sketch show on a theme because there is no theme past “random shit is wacky shit”.

Sam’s obsession with tacos doesn’t say anything about anything past Simmons’ belief that repeating “especious secreto” over and over and over sometimes whispered, sometimes shouted - is funny. Apart from a suburban setting that is largely set decoration, there’s no sense here that the show is trying to say anything about anything. At its most basic – and this kind of random wacky shit is pretty basic – comedy works because it’s unexpected.

Random shit works because you don’t see it coming. A 27 minute sketch show that’s all random shit pitched at the exact same note – apart from the aforementioned old buggers – is pretty much the definition of “expected”. So rather than insult Sam Simmons by comparing his show to The Mighty Boosh, let’s make a comparison that seems to be

slightly more relevant: UK comedian Chris Morris’ 2000 sketch show Jam (out now on DVD, if you can buy stuff from overseas).

Jam was “dark” and “subversive” and “really f—king out there” because, well, let’s look at the very first sketch: Jam’s first sketch was about parents who were a): having sex with a local gay man to stop him having sex with their son, b): having sex with their son to stop him going gay, c): wanted a friend to take over having sex with the local gay because the dad couldn’t keep up the pace, d): were clearly insane and e): the friend just went along with it because the whole thing felt like a creepy dream. Simmons first sketch was about how he really loves tacos.

More relevantly, Morris’ show felt like there was an over-arching criticism of society taking place behind all the random LOL stuff.

A sketch on Jam about a couple who decide to have sex with a creep to get a lower price on the house he’s selling – and then get an even lower price by basically selling a relative to him – was “really f—king out there”, but also had a point to make about the lengths middle class people will go to secure the right house. Of course, comedy doesn’t have to make a point. But if you’re trying to be funny by doing the unexpected, you really need to have some level of normal to work against.

Jam worked because Morris and company put in just enough recognisable elements – overly protective parents, bargain house-hunters – to make the strange stuff work. Simmons just wacks in the weird crap and it’s off to the races. Perhaps the market for this show is people who are half watching the television, see Simmons’ antics out of the corner of their eye and go “ha, what a dickhead! He looks like an ironic sex pest”. The line “I am sorry about causing a racial sensation in an eating environment” is the kind of thing that could be funny coming from a well-established and engaging comedy character – George Costanza, for example, or Homer Simpson.

Coming from “Sam Simmons”, a character defined against against a backdrop that’s hardly even there by his inappropriateness, his desire for tacos and his ability to shout AND whisper, it’s nothing. It’s just nothing.

Tony “Sure, I spent half an hour watching I show I knew I’d hate, what’s your point?”

Montana

Is it ok to just chanGe the way your name is pronounced?

This week I noticed something, more than once, that I had never noticed before. This annoying, wank-filled choice some people are making of changing the pronunciation of their own name.

Example, I was talking to a customer service lady called Tanya. Midway through conversation, after I had said her name a few times, she corrected me and said her name was ‘TAR-N-YAR’.

This isn’t television. You’re not Mrs Buckets/ Bouquets, this arrogant act must cease.

Ok, rant over.

Peace Stephanie (pronounced Steff-fanny!)

**** off! You can’t just change the inflection in your name because you think it sounds better. Furthermore, I don’t think you can correct someone for a pronunciation mistake unless it’s valid. (My surname is Zevenbergen, I have more rights than you do!)

Later on in the week, no joke, I had a phone call from a lady named Karen. Spelt ‘Karen’ pronounced ‘Car-Ren’. No, just no. If you’re so devoid of personality that you want to change the sound of your boring name then go and change it to something fabulous like Lady Princess Rainbow Unicorn. That has a nice ring to it!

what the eff?

By Steph

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