Forte Magazine Issue 548

issue 548 13 dec 2012

next issue:20 DEC 2012 • • • • •

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izzy losi - new years revolution

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EN L A C

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM

FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard

What a fortnight in music it is has been! The ARIA Awards have come and gone for another year with Gotye unashamedly sweeping the pool.

He was also nominated for a freaking Grammy!

Which even caught praise from the PM on Twitter.

The Meredith Music Festival was on over the weekend that has just passed and I’m sure there are some weary heads all over the countryside trying aimlessly to attack their working week, going through the post festival blues - “Oh I wish I had just one more dance and incorporated the worm more into my routine” (or something like that?). Either way, Meredith has become one of Australia’s most loved music festivals and punters are already counting down the days until next year - 363.. 362.. 361. On the Local front - Lagwagon absolutely rocked Bended Elbow on Saturday night, reports have been unanimously good, the crowd was packed to the rafters. So - things are good. This issue we have the juggernaught that is 360 on the front cover in the lead up to his headline spot at Pyramid, we talk to the boys for Ballarat’s upcoming rockabilly Festival, andddd we have a look at who is lined up for this years Courthouse Arts ‘New Year Revolution’. Man! There’s so much going on at the moment, our office is a hive of activity, gotta love this time of year!

general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au

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EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara

luke@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................Briana Roach

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April Grenfell

ADVERTISING ......................Anton Ballard

aballard@fortemag.com.au

Bec McIntyre bec@fortemag.com.au

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CONTRIBUTORS...................

Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana

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the HIGHLIGHTS Christmas 101: If you can’t think of a Christmas gift idea, go practical.

A 36-roll deluxe package of toilet paper may say ‘I am a douche’, but at least you know it is going to be used.

Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Eskimo Joe Want You Crowd-funding initiatives play a hugely important role in the musical landscape and there have been plenty of success stories. Eskimo Joe took to Pozible recently with the hope of raising some dollars to record a new album. There are a stack of levels that you can come in at and the more coin you throw their way, the bigger the pay off.

Deadline is February 9 so if you want to lend a hand seek them out through pozible.com. .........................................................................

Laneway of the Future The 2013 Laneway Festival has announced some more goodies when the event strikes a pose early in the New Year with the announcement of the Future Classic stage. The Sydney-based label will host the fine talents of Nicolas Jaar, Flume, Holy Other, Shlohmo, Jessie Ware, Julia Holter and Nite Jewel.

To put you in the mood they are offering up a free Laneway-themed mixtape through soundcloud. com/futureclassic. .........................................................................

The Wool Exchange Hotel

UFC Finds a Home

There is exciting stuff to come in 2013 with the announcement of the relaunch of the Wool Exchange Hotel or ‘The Wooly’. The Wool Exchange was previously one of Geelong’s iconic live music venues.

Local promoters Spinning Half, have teamed up with The Wool Exchange Hotel and have huge plans for 2013. ‘The Wooly’ is set to host an abundance of local, national and international talent in the coming year kicking off with a huge performance from our beloved Ash Grunwald on February 9. Forte beleives there is also a MEGA hiphop show planned early in the new year - details are going to be announced in the coming days. Stay tuned for more big announcements.

Beyond Home Entertainment – one of Australia and New Zealand’s leading independent home entertainment distributors – has been named the exclusive catalogue licensee Ultimate Fighting Championship® (UFC®) in Australia and New Zealand. There is no denying the huge popularity of UFC – Sydney has hosted two sold-out events – so this is a major win for BHE. The first UFC titles were released mid November.

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tom ballard

RAW Comedy The Melbourne Comedy Festival is once again on the prowl (in a good way, not a sleazy way) for the funniest undiscovered talent in the land.

Yep, it’s RAW Comedy time. So if you think you are funny or if others think you are funny, this may be your shot. Your shot at comedy glory.

Heats: The Evelyn – January 12; The Corner – January 19; The Espy – February 2; NSC – February 9. Geelong heat: GPAC – February 2. Hit rawcomedy.com.au for details.

THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours Inertia’s New Relationship

Allans Billy Hyde Saved

Matador Goes Aussie

An announcement came last month that independent label Inertia has teamed with crowd-funding platform PledgeMusic. The platform will allow the label’s roster retail and fundraising opportunities. Inertia’s Managing Director Colin Daniels says, “Sometimes artists will have a deal with Pledge and a deal with a label or a distributor… this way we can manage the release campaign the whole way through.”

Allans Billy Hyde has had their hide saved. Following the shock news that the music retailers was going into receivership, a former rival has swooped in at the last moment as a knight in shining armor. Australian Musical Imports (AMI) and Gallin’s Musician’s Pro Shop Managing Director Colin Gallin made the announcement of the successful purchase late last month. Flagship stores around the country including Melbourne’s Blackburn and Bourke Street locations will continue to trade.

Matador – one of the coolest little labels going around – have announced the details of their Singles Club for 2013 and Aussie fans will be pleased to know there is a nice little local flavour. Called Singles Going Home, Melbourne bands Dick Diver and Lower Plenty will be releasing a split 7” single while fellow Melbourne outfit Bits of Shit and Sydney’s Royal Headache will also release material. Limited numbers are available through matadorrecords.com.

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Woodford Goodford

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Unsigned Only Being a muso is hard work but Unsigned Only is hoping to do their bit for those who want to be heard.

The music competition is designed for artists, bands, and singers who are not signed to a major label record company or any of its affiliates, subsidiaries, or imprints. Seeking out an unpolished gem, Unsigned Only comes from the team behind the prestigious International Songwriting Competition (ISC). The grand prize includes $10,000 (US) and one on one mentoring with a group of record label execs. Full details through unsignedonly.com.

Groovin’ the Moo

Spicks and Specks Returns When Spicks and Specks hung up its boots last year it was a tearful moment for many who tuned in week after week to test their music knowledge, hear some stories, and hopefully get to crush on Hamish Blake.

But in 2013 it will return albeit with a bit of a makeover.

The name will remain but it will have a new host, new team captains and new games. No word yet on who will grace your screen but stay tuned.

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If there is a festival worth making a trip for it is the New Year’s music marathon, Woodford.

With artists including Hawksley Workman, Kate MillerHeidke, Julia Stone and a gazillion others, the music is fantastic. With workshops and poetry, debates and comedy, storytelling and artisans of all kinds, your artistic needs are covered. With a dedicated Children’s Festival, the little ones are tendered for. It has it all. Woodford – December 27 through January 1. Hit woodfordfolkfestival.com for more.

From being the nervous, shy, new festival on the block to being a mustattend event for music lovin’ folks around the country, Groovin’ the Moo has come along in leaps and bounds.

It’s all set to happen again in 2013, taking to Bendigo’s Prince of Wales Showgrounds on May 4. They are currently doing the call-out for artists to design a t-shirt so if you have a cool idea in mind, get cracking.

Check out the full spiel in Talk of the Town or hit gtm.net.au.

gotye

ARIA Wrap Well, the ARIA Awards have come and gone for another year. 2012 marked the 26 th year for the awards and there weren’t a whole lot of surprises. You know it all but here it is again because without repetition you won’t learn. Gotye was the king, bagging several awards on the night including the big one of Album of the Year for Making Mirrors. He also took out Best Male Artist, Best Australian Live Act and Best Pop Release. ‘Somebody that I used to Know’ co-conspirator Kimbra, meanwhile, took out the gong for Best Female Artist. Matt Corby scored ‘Song of the Year’ for ‘Brother’ while 360 took out Breakthrough Artist honours on the back of Falling & Flying. Missy Higgins made a solid return to the music scene with the win for Best Adult Contemporary Album for The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle, Best Independent Release went to The Jezabels for Prisoner, Jeff Lang pocked Best Blues and Roots Album for Carried in Mind, while Best Rock Album went to The Temper Trap’s self-titled effort. DZ Deathrays took out Best Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Album for Bloodstreams, Hilltop Hoods added to their collection with Best Urban Album for Drinking from the Sun, while The McClymonts landed Best Country Album for Two Worlds Collide. Ah.

public enemy

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALEND Sunday December 16 THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Sean McMahon’s Western Union (Sunday December residency) at 4pm (Castlemaine) AT THE HEADS: Live music 5pm7pm (Barwon Heads) DRYSDALE COMMUNITY MARKET: Drysdale Recreation Reserve, 9am - 1pm IRISH MURPHY’S: Cory Hargreaves from 2pm & Hypnotic Army from 5pm KNOCK KNOCK: The Barking Dog & Love That Music present Fenixpawl ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Des Cammm (Jazz) SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Nightclub with Will Sparks & Reece Low

MA PETITE

ODYSSEY TAVERN: Levi Anderson PETER LALOR HOTEL: Open Mic from 5.30pm (instruments provided) (Ballarat)

at The Bridge, Castlemaine on December 14

Thursday December 13

TORQUAY CENTRAL FARMERS MARKET: 8.30am - 1pm

BEAV’S BAR: Andy Forster

HOME HOUSE NIGHT CLUB: Nick Coleman.

Downstairs: It’s All About Swag RnB Hip Hop Party & The Faders Album Launch

EUREKA HOTEL: Generik with Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Chris Van, Shorty J and more PETER LALOR HOTEL: Members Night with EM J (Ballarat)

Friday December 14 THE BLUES TRAIN: Chris Wilson Duo, Jimo Hocking, Sweet Felecia & The Honeytones and The Mojo Corner (Queenscliff) BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos TORQUAY HOTEL: Craig Sayer THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Ma Petite, Red Bird (Canada), The River & The Road (Canada) - Castlemaine

TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Jorj (Jam Express) feat.

Partners in Crime, Kid Kurupt, Corey Ryan & more BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid CUDA BAR: The Beachniks feat Jeff, Randy & Evan plus DJ Josh Symons from 10pm ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Adventure Playground from 9pm EUREKA HOTEL: Some Blonde DJ with Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Chris Van & more

THE MAX HOTEL: Moon Patrol

BLACK HATT: Juke Box Heroes BEAV’S BAR: Two Tone CUDA BAR: DJ Yuen from 10pm (Lorne) ODYSSEY TAVERN: James Sidebottom THE BARWON CLUB: Another Function PETER LALOR HOTEL: Karaoke in The Bar THE MAX HOTEL: 3 on the Tree

Saturday December 15 THE BARWON CLUB: Cosmic Psychos, The Kremlings & King of the North BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos TORQUAY HOTEL: Trojan THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Chris Altmann Album Launch (Castlemaine)

THE SPHINX HOTEL: Glitter Gang

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Wednesday December 19 PETER LALOR HOTEL: Wednesday Night Mashup Party with DJ Sever (Ballarat)

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: Trojan

THE BLUES TRAIN: Chris Wilson Duo, Mr Black & Blues, Jimi Hocking’s Blues Machine and Blues Mountain Trio (Queenscliff)

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Trivia Tuesdays with Stevie K from 7.30pm (Ballarat)

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Party Night with Stevie K (Ballarat)

THE BENDED ELBOW: Revolution Fridays, from 9pm till late

We are ready for a fresh crop of music lovers to join the Forte team.

Drop us a line and get involved!

Email luke@fortemag.com.au

Tuesday December 18

BLACK HATT: Pool comp, $5 entry from 7pm

AT THE HEADS: Live music 5pm7pm (Barwon Heads)

Wanna chat to cool musos? Got a soap box you wanna stand on?

Feel like you’ve got an opinion on music but no one is listening?

THE MAX HOTEL: Finder Keeper

ODYSSEY TAVERN: Jamie Pye (afternoon), Farquarson (night)

POTATO SHED: Spud Club Christmas Party Edition, open mic night, kids/teens from 6.30pm adults from 8pm (Drysdale)

WRITERS WANTED AT FORTE MAG!

TORQUAY HOTEL: Reil Diamond & The Hot August Night Band from 3pm

STONEFIELD at torquay hotel on december 28

BEAV’S BAR: Karaoke Open Mic Night, Andy Forster

DAR & GIG GUIDE

PEKING DUK at Toast, Geelong on December 26

Thursday December 20 THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Berlin Postmark + support TBC. Doors at 8.30pm (Castlemaine) GEELONG RSL: West Coast Seekers Club Dance, 8pm-11pm BLACK HATT: Open Mic from 7pm, Tradies Night (in the bar) 5pm - 7pm BEAV’S BAR: Gabe Anderson EUREKA HOTEL: Loot & Plunder with Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Chris Van, Shorty J & more PETER LALOR HOTEL: Members Night with EM J (Ballarat)

THE MAX HOTEL: Check Shirt Friday 2012 Christmas Fundraiser with Trojan

Saturday December 22 TORQUAY HOTEL: Hey Charger THE BRIDGE HOTEL: The Ears Feat.

Sam Sejavka (Castlemaine) BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos THE BARWON CLUB: Veeped Launch Night, 18 acts all day & night THE PALAIS BINGO: Special Christmas Games from 12.10pm WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: Live music in the Sports Bar from 8pm

Friday December 21 THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Rebecca Barnard + Support TBC. Doors at 8.30pm (Castlemaine) BAR PIZZA: DJ Merv & Drink Promos THE BARWON CLUB: Toot Toot Toots, Immigrant Union & Atolls THE PIER: Ice Skating December 21 - January 28 LEOPOLD SPORTMAN’S CLUB: Back to the 70’s & 80’s night (Bookings essential)

BEAV’S BAR: Nick Tabone ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Fig Jam from 9pm EUREKA HOTEL: SCNDL with Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Chris Van, Shorty J & more TOAST NIGHTCLUB: DJ Femme plus Choobz, Digga Please, Isaac Fryar & more HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Hook ‘n’ Sling ODYSSEY TAVERN: Jamie Pye (afternoon) & Jo Dawson (night)

AT THE HEADS: Live music 5pm7pm (Barwon Heads)

BARWON HEADS HOTEL: One Of Them Nights- The Christmas Edition feat. Reece Now, Robyn Gold & more (Barwon Heads)

THE BENDED ELBOW: Revolution Fridays, from 9pm till late

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Party Night with Stevie K (Ballarat)

BEAV’S BAR: Two Tine

THE MAX HOTEL: 3 on the Tree

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Breakup Party feat. Mr Hyde THE GROVEDALE HOTEL: After Five PETER LALOR HOTEL: December Theme Party - Doomsday 2012 party (Ballarat) BLACK HATT: Corten ODYSSEY TAVERN: Callan Young

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THE BARKING DOG

126 Pakington St. Geelong West

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BARWON CLUB

509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

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BARWON HEADS HOTEL

1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

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THE BASEMENT 159

159 Moorabool St. Geelong

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BEAVS BAR

77 Little Malop St. Geelong

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THE BENDED ELBOW BALLARAT 120 Lydiard St (North). Ballarat

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THE BENDED ELBOW GEELONG 69 Yarra St. Geelong

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black hatt

54 Little Myers St. Geelong

JAMES SIDEBOTTOM at odyssey tavern on december 14

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THE BLUESTONE

103 Marr St. Ballarat

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Bridge hotel castlemaine 21 Walker St. Castlemain

Sunday December 23

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CITY QUARTER

Cunningham Pier, Geelong

THE BRIDGE HOTEL:Sean McMahon’s Western Union (Sunday December residency) at 4pm (Castlemaine)

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THE BARWON CLUB: Test Pilot Molly & DJ Bodz

Club TITANIUM

AT THE HEADS: Live music 5pm7pm (Barwon Heads)

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CLOUD 9

96 Pakington St. Geelong West

....................................

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

eastern station

BANG BANG RECOVERY: Rumors Night Club, 3am-7am feat. Joel Fletcher & DJ Femme

81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

BEAV’S BAR: Dave Anderson

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Des Camm (Jazz)

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THE EDGE

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ELEPHANT AND CASTLE

SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan

158 McKillop St. Geelong

ODYSSEY TAVERN: Lucas William

98 Little Malop St. Geelong

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Open Mic from 5.30pm (instruments provided) (Ballarat)

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THE EUREKA

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THE gateway HOTEL

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

KNOCK KNOCK: The Barking Dog & Love That Music present Combo! Casey Manaya, Matt Black, Joe Joe, Kids Table & more

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THE MAX HOTEL: Finder Keeper

GROWLERS

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

236-258 Surfcoast Highway

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23 The Esplanade. Torquay

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Monday December 24

HOME HOUSE

40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong

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TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Naughty & Nice feat Stevie Mink, MGMC, Jack Talbot & more

IRISH MURPHY'S

BEAV’S BAR: Dave Anderson

JACK AND JILL

HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Xmas Eve Party feat. Trotman with Steve Camp, Keith Evans & Simon-One

30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

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247 Moorabool St. Geelong

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LAMBYS

Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

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THE MAX

Tuesday December 25 THE SPHINX HOTEL: 3 Course Christmas Lunch, 12pm-3pm WHITE EAGLE HOUSE: 6 Course Christmas Lunch from 12pm

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

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MR. HYDE

11 Malop St. Geelong

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THE NATIONAL HOTEL

191 Moorabool St. Geelong

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odyssey

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mount Duneed

Wednesday December 26

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OPIUM BAR

15 James St. Geelong

BLACK HATT: Pool comp, $5 entry from 7pm

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KNOCK KNOCK: The Barking Dog & Love That Music present Rob Pix (MOS) & James Fava

331 Mair St. Ballarat

BEAV’S BAR: Boxing Day Karaoke Open Mic Night, Andy Forster

Peter Lalor Hotel ....................................

RUMORS

5 James St. Geelong

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PETER LALOR HOTEL: Boxing Day Mashup Party with DJ Sever (Ballarat)

SLATE Pool Lounge

TOAST NIGHTCLUB: Peking Duk with Isaac Fryar, Jump Street & more

THE SPHINX

50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

....................................

2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

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TOAST

114 Moorabool St. Geelong

....................................

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15

360 writen By Bec McIntyre

A sold out national tour, the Aria Award for Best Breakthrough Artist Release, a marriage proposal and a headline gig at this year’s Pyramid Rock Festival basically sums up twenty-twelve for the iconic frontman of aussie hip-hop, 360.

From the back garage of his parent’s home in Port Melbourne, to sold out gigs all over the country, 360 is no stranger to change. The former underground emcee describes the last twelve months as an overwhelming mix of happiness and disbelief. “I went from being just your normal dude, hanging around where I lived not really doing shit, just making music. Then everything took off and it was like ‘far out’. The change we have gone through especially with the whole fame thing and shit, has just been really weird. But it’s good, it’s a really positive thing,”says Sixty.

Sentry at the prestigious SXSW in Texas next March, the bro-mance will continue with Seth as the duo head to New York, Canada and L.A on a mini tour that is already being forecast as a ‘crazy laugh’. An avid festival-fan Sixty describes Pyramid as a fitting way to wrap up a ripper year.

“Personally I much prefer festivals to a normal gig or show. Usually the atmosphere is really positive, you get your odd moron that will try and start fights and shit but you get that everywhere you go, there is always a good vibe... it’s gonna be unreal,” says Sixty. It sure is.

Rivalling the previously crowned outfit Hilltop Hoods, the Aussie hip-hop throne looks set to land upon the 26-year-old Melbournian in 2013.

Coming off the success of his second album, Falling and Flying (2011), and the future release of what the rapper has labelled ‘some of his best shit yet’, Sixty says his up-and-coming third album will be a curve-ball in comparison to his earlier work. “People are going to be surprised...

A pleasant surprise I hope. I know a lot of people like when I rap about some deep stuff and some real personal shit.”

While Sixty’s year has been ground-breaking on so many levels, he has also had to battle his fair share of set-backs. The rapper suffers from a rare degenerative eye disease called keretoconus, which without surgery would have rendered the 26-year-old permanently blind. Receiving his first cornea transplant in his right eye over six years ago, this year Sixty underwent surgery on his left eye forcing him to take some much needed time off from the touring circuit. Sixty has also spoken openly in the past about his previously often-boozy ways, but thanks to the help of his ladyfriend-turned-fiance Crystal Bale, the artist has been able to leave alcohol and all that comes with that lifestyle behind him. A huge credit to this year’s success.

So why is it, that after his most successful year in the industry, he is about to release some of his darkest tracks? “People are expecting me to release an album that’s like ‘I made it! I’m famous!

I love life!’ and all that sort of shit, but there has been a lot of stuff going on behind closed doors that people don’t know about. This will be a chance for me to express some of that other shit if you know what I mean,” says Sixty.

Stellar collaborations in the past have resulted in some of the artist’s biggest tracks, including the massive hit ‘Boys like you’ featuring Gossling, ‘Just Got Started’ featuring his good mate Pez, and of course, ‘Throw it away’ with the very talented Josh Pyke. So it was no surprise when Sixty told us there are more big names to come.

“We have a number of people we are talking to about working on the next album, like Chris from the Living End has done a track; Daniel Johns is down to do a song as well which will be fucking awesome, and a few other big names as well that I can’t say yet,” says Sixty. Oh and of course, his all-time favourite collaborative pal, Pez, is set to join 360 on the sure to be golden album.

After 360 wraps up 2012 at the radical Pyramid Rock Festival, international waters are set to be sailed by the artist and his camp. Beginning with appearances from himself and his mate Seth

What you have to love most about this guy is the fact that he finds bullshit intolerable, but also has this incredibly gracious and easy-going approach to his work, his life, his fans and even his critics. On the topic of online criticism Sixty tells us- “When I started out shit like that would really, really get to me. Especially when I was a lot younger. Now I am 26 and I have been making music for ages I know that I am making the music that I want to make and I’m not making music for anyone else. So now if people don’t like it... that’s alright hey... they can just go and...fuck off!”

He laughs. The majority of us love him, and the odd few can’t stand him. Either way you have to respect his work ethic.

To bring in your New Year with 360 get your butt down to Pyramid Rock Festival, December 29th through to January 1st at Phillip Island.

When&Where: December 29 January 1, Pyramid Rock Festival, Phillip Island.

CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR WEEKEND @ FRIDAY 28 DECEMBER 2012 – TUESDAY 1ST JANUARY 2013 Live music and DJs all weekend | Prime viewing position for NYE 9.15pm & Midnight fireworks Open all day for breakfast, lunch and dinner over the whole long weekend | Free entry Ph: (03) 5222 2666 | edgegeelong.com.au | 6–8 Eastern Beach Rd, Geelong, Victoria, 3220 16

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Edge Geelong

@EdgeBarGeelong

BRING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH A MIRROR BALL AND LIGHTS SHOW, LIVE ENTERTAINMENT AND EVERYTHING TO KEEP THE PARTY GOING UNTIL 2013!

$25 General Admission INCLUDES, ENTRY, DRINK ON ARRIVAL & LIGHT SUPPER

The Elephant & Castle Hotel

NYE MIRROR BALL PARTY

FIGJAM PLAYING ALL YOUR FAVOURITE COVERS IN THE MAIN BAR DJ AL PLAYING THE BEST RETRO AND COMMERCIAL HITS IN THE BEER GARDEN START THE NIGHT EARLY AND BOOK A TABLE FOR SCRUMPTIOUS 2 OR 3 COURSE DINNER OPTION BOOKINGS IN THE DINING ROOM ENABLES YOU TO GAIN FREE ENTRY INTO NYE PARTY! FOR MORE INFORMATION AND TICKET SALES EMAIL ENQUIRIES@ENC.NET.AU 158 McKillop Street, Geelong VIC 3220 | P (03) 5221 3707 | www.enc.net.au FORTEMAG.COM.AU

17

Husky

By Natalie Rogers

“Music allows you to go into a space and shut out the rest of the world, and that’s what I try to do,” says Husky Gawenda, frontman of fourpiece band Husky from Melbourne. Back home after a whirlwind tour of the U.S, Gawenda is looking forward to finishing out the year on the road touring their debut album Forever So. “We started the Forever So tour before we went to the U.S, but we didn’t get to play a lot of places we wanted, especially regionally, so we are spending December playing across the country and our last show of the year will be Falls Festival.” This year will be Husky’s first time on the bill, and as Gawenda tells me, it will be an ideal way to finish a stellar year. “It’s an excellent Australian line up and that’s what I love about Falls, I love to see how important the Australian contingent is. I’ve not been to a Falls Festival before, so we are really excited!”

Since the release of their debut album, Husky have been touring non-stop around the country and overseas. At every show in every city, the Triple J Unearthed winners have been welcomed with open arms. “This last tour was about four weeks of just travelling around America, all the way from the West Coast to the East Coast,” Gawenda explained. “We have been there a few times now so we have had a bit of a chance to get to know at least some parts of the country. The tour was pretty incredible and we saw some amazing places and met a lot of amazing people and the audiences were so lovely.”

While on the road Gawenda and the guys Gideon Preiss (keys, vocals), Evan Tweedie (bass, vocals), Luke Collins (drums) - document their experiences online, something they really enjoy: “I found that there are some amazing positives about it and one of the biggest positives is that you get to directly communicate with fans, no matter where they are in the world, or people who have come to your shows and let you know how it made them feel or what they thought of it. That’s an amazing thing I think for an artist to be able to get that direct immediate feedback from people who listen to your music.”

Conveying emotions and creating atmosphere with lyrics and music is something Husky takes seriously: “It’s not about achieving perfection, it is more about creating something real, and that’s why it’s called a record. It’s recording a space and time and all the emotions that are going on at that time and I think that’s what a good album or song captures. Forever So is capturing fleeting moments in your life that at the time can feel fairly insignificant and yet they stay with you sometimes forever,” says Gawneda.

For those of you lucky enough to be attending Australia’s biggest New Year’s Eve party, make sure to catch Husky as they will not be touring again for some time: “Falls will be our last show for a little while, because we are going to be heading back into the studio.”

When&Where: Falls Festival, Lorne December 28 - January 1

Saskwatch

By Ophelia Symons

Nine-piece Melbourne outfit Saskwatch have had one hell of a year with appearances at a number of music festivals including Falls Festival, Golden Plains and Melbourne’s International Jazz Festival as well as playing the support for 70’s disco group Earth Wind & Fire and Australian funk and soul group The Bamboos. They also released their debut album Leave It All Behind (2012) through Northside Records earlier this year, which has received great reviews and album of the week on a few radio stations. Saskwatch are not quite ready to take a break just yet though and are gearing up to play at the upcoming Pyramid Rock Festival that feature artists and bands from all different genres to welcome in the New Year.

I spoke to Saskwatch’s trumpet player Liam McGorry about their first upcoming show at Pyramid Rock Festival, their debut album Leave It All Behind and new music already in the works.“We’re looking forward to [playing Pyramid Rock Festival] a lot.I haven’t actually been to Pyramid before but I’ve heard nothing but good things so I can’t wait to play. We’ll be playing most of the new album; the show is largely based on the album with a few new songs in there as well so yeah, there’ll be a bit of a mixture.”

Saskwatch recently released their debut album on CD and vinyl that showcases funky instruments and genuine soul vocals that have been sorely missed from the music industry. I’ve read nothing but album reviews that sing the bands praises on their latest sensation. “It’s been amazing, I guess we just

The Datsuns

By Natalie Rogers

Calling from his home in Sweden, I had the privilege of chatting with Dolf of The Datsuns on the eve of their Australian tour to promote their latest release Death Rattle Boogie . “We are counting down the days when we can come to Australia and play the new record live,” Dolf says. “ I’d like to say it’s our best one so far.

In the past I have had a lot of trouble listening back to our records once we are done with it but I think with this new one it’s different.”

Since its release earlier this year DRB, has received favourable reviews and Dolf was more than happy to talk openly about the making of the album and his band’s evolution since forming all those years ago in Cambridge (New Zealand) at the turn of the century. “I feel like we have the confidence and freedom to try new things, Dolf reveals. “We are maturing as a band and my voice is changing too - I mean, I’ve been doing this for ten years. On the first record, The Datsuns (2002), I was twentyone, we were very young, and we have all grown up now. It’s the same with Christian )(guitar), Ben (drums), and Phil (guitar) - those guys play so well, it’s nice to let them off their leash,” says Dolf.

Dolf continued: “When I was younger I didn’t really worry about working out the keys and we were more manic. As I’ve gotten older I have became a little dissatisfied doing things that way. Now I am very conscious of that, and trying different keys and tones, especially now when we are writing a slower song or one that isn’t totally foot to the

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When&Where: December 31, Pyramid Rock Festival, Phillip Island wanted to record it and put it out ourselves and hopefully people will get into but it’s been a really great response and fortunately we’ve been overseas and toured Australia in support of the album and it’s been received really well so we’re really happy with that,” says Liam.

Leave It All Behind is the first record released through Melbourne’s Northside Records and the band couldn’t be happier about their floor - on this record there are a lot more harmonies as well.”

The album was produced in part with the help of former Hellacopters’ front man Andersson at the studio that he and Dolf share in Stockholm - “I have my own studio here in Sweden, so it is kind of a no brainer to record there, and it was really nice to have someone on the outside help as well with the production.” The other half was finished at Studios in New Zealand (owned by fellow Kiwi Neil Finn): “Because we all live in different countries,” Dolf explains, “we have few opportunities to get together so we recorded songs in between tours. Sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for months and we wondered if it would ever be finished, so now it’s a relief its out there in the world with a life of its own.”

Well aware of their solid reputation of explosive live shows, Dolf and the guys are determined to prove their new style can translate in front of a live, loud and raucous crowd. “I think the thing with us is that we have always been such a dynamic live band and we love to feed off the crowd. So I think now, and in the last two records, we have been more experimental and focused on the sound in the studio, but people may disagree and just want us to make the same record over and over.” Make your mind up for yourself at one of their shows throughout December.

When&Where: December 19, Karova Lounge Ballarat & 20 - 21 December, The Espy Melbourne

launch into label life. “Well Chris Gill who runs Northside records has been a great support of the band pretty much from day one. He’s a fan of soul music and basically any Melbourne music. He comes out to the shows and it’s just an honour to have the record out on his label and through his record store,” Liam tells us.

Saskwatch had produced a couple of singles on vinyl before welcoming Leave It All Behind into the world and I wondered just how different creating a full-length album was. “Obviously it’s a bit more of a challenge to create

a bigger body of work but it was great fun. It really did take three years to form the basis of the band and get the songs together so I guess it was a pretty easy, natural process but heaps of fun and you can’t go wrong when you’re doing it with your best friends.”

Fans of the band will be thrilled to know that there is already new music on the way. “We’ve pretty much written a whole other album so we’re hoping to record that and head back to Europe. Hopefully we’ll have another album out pretty soon,” Liam wraps up.

The Courthouse Arts continues to pioneer the support and sustainability of our local music and arts industry, and New Years Revolution 2013 provides the perfect platform to do just that. This February, you can expect to see the very best of both our established and emerging local musicians as they perform live at the venue for three talent-packed days. The Bill which has been put together by the Courthouse Arts Advisory panel and the Geelong Freeza Committee is an eclectic mix of various musical genres that can be enjoyed by people of any age. New Years Revolution is not only an enjoyable event for lovers of live music, but it acts as a fantastic local musical hub, allowing both new and established artists a space to play their music. Forte caught up with three acts who are set to perform at the upcoming New Years Revolution to find out what we can expect from the event and what’s been happening in their budding career adventures.

leikography

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Christmas 101: If a family member you don’t get along with is coming to Christmas lunch, extend your hand in the spirit of Christmas.

Then smash their knuckles with a wrapping tube. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival The year is coming to an end so let us take a look at what is in store for 2013 as it can sometimes be nice to know what the future holds. A ripping local event taking place in February is the Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival. The event comes from the genius mind of Arthur Matsakos, the man behind the Camperdown Cruise Rockabilly Festival.

And boy has he put together an amazing show for the inaugural event. You have: Omar Romero (USA), The Desperados (USA), Beebo (USA), CC Jerome’s Jetsetters (Netherlands), Midnight Drifters, Speedsters, The Headliners, The Continentals, Retro Rockets, Kieron McDonald Combo, The Flattrakkers, Pat Capocci Combo, Atomic Hi-Tones, The Crawdads, Men Into Space, West Texas Crude, The SugarShakers, Fire Bird Trio, Yard Apes, Lucky 7, Pearly Shells, F100’s, The ReChords, The Mayhem Country Boys, Sin & Tonics and Scotty Baker. That’s not all. The rockabilly weekend will be loaded up with classic cars and hot rods, illustration artists, and a huge range of stalls that will add to the 50’s vibe. The Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival takes place across February 15, 16 & 17. Hit ballaratbeat.com. au for more. I called it Rockabilly ‘cause I was rocking the strum, which you’re not supposed to do – Dick Dale. .........................................................................

The Devilish Yard Apes Everything was better back in the day. At least that is what many feel. They certainly do when it comes to music. Enter The Yard Apes, a three-piece that channels the energy of old school rock and roll and

turns it into an Australian slop fest. So, what you get is a slab of primitive garage rock and roll with a deft touch of country and surf. The Ballarat trio have been around the traps since 2009 and last year released their debut album, Devils Road.

Kreg Hollick and Gareth Harrison crossed paths at Meredith one day and so the seeds of Rick Moranis Overdrive were planted. Yep, it’s the classic boy meets boy at festival and they start a band story.

The garage punksters have released their debut Honey, I Ate the Kids. Both bands hit The Karova, Ballarat on December 21. .........................................................................

Austin Lucas’ New Home When the New Year rolls around, Indiana-raised folk punk songman Austin Lucas will treat Australia to a healthy run of shows. His old man Bob Lucas is an accomplished muso in his own right – he is credited with songwriting credits on two of Allison Krauss’ albums – so it’s little wonder that Austin picked up the guitar. The rebellious child is nothing new and in the case of Austin it took him away from his Americana roots and led him to punk rock, an interesting departure from honing his vocal skills as part of the Indiana University Children’s Choir.

He released his solo debut The Common Cold in 2006 and his latest, A New Home in the Old World, last year. The Palais, Hepburn Springs – January 23 & Beav’s Bar, Geelong – January 24.

He will also perform at the Newstead Live! Music Festival. .........................................................................

Surf’s Up with Goofyfooter With their right foot planted firmly forward, instrumental surf rock band Goofyfooter is not your traditional surf band. They play a crossover style; a fusion. An “Aussie mongrel breed” as they put it. The band kicked off in 2009 when guitarist Glenn Allen started recording an album of instrumental tracks in his back shed. The album was a collection of ideas leftover from his previous band plus a good sprinkling of new works inspired by his project. In 2011, with the album recorded, Glenn took to the streets to find some likeminded music souls. He found them in Dale Bulmer (bass), Adrian Furby (guitar) and Nat De-Palma (drums). Earlier in the year the band set up on a cliff overlooking a surf beach to record some tunes. You can check ‘em out on YouTube. Carlton Hotel, Geelong – January 18. .........................................................................

The Sparkling Dolly Diamond If a little fun-filled festive cabaret isn’t going to get you in the spirit of Christmas then I don’t know what will. Dolly Diamond and Luke Gallagher return to their second home of The Palais, Hepburn Springs on December 15 for a joyous Noel. UK comedy cabaret Diva Dolly Diamond calls Australia home these days. She is a well-known festival presence, having performed at Midsumma, the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras Festival, Adelaide’s Feast Festival and Daylesford’s ChillOut Festival. Luke is a Green Room and ALSO Award-winning cabaret performer who has performed around Australia, the UK, Europe and the US. About the show Luke says, “Get ready to sing along to all your favourite carols and then trash the ones we don’t like.” Pa ra pa pa pum.

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Kim Churchill Goes the Mile There are those who sing songs and there are those who sing stories. Kim Churchill falls in the latter camp. Growing up on the NSW South Coast, the songman has always had a connection with the surf. It is a connection now reflected in his music. He reckons he picked up his first guitar at age four and at six his father enrolled him into classical lessons. His love of music and surfing grew stronger as the years went by and soon enough he was trying his hand in various venues. Highlights include performances at the Ottawa Folk Festival, the Montreal International Jazz Festival, SXSW, and a string of Australian favourites. He has quite the connection with Canada having recorded his recently released third album there. The album is Detail of Distance. Beav’s Bar, Geelong – January 6.

Seeking All Class Clowns Funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? Okay, so let’s forget about Goodfellas. But the question is: do you think you are funny? Do other people think you are funny? Do you just want to waste some time?

Are you between the ages of 14 and 18? If so, Class Clowns could well be the thing for you. Run as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, Class Clowns has given us Josh Thomas, Tom Ballard and ROVE writer Kynan Barker. And in 2013 it turns 18 meaning it’s old enough to drink and will shortly be ineligible to enter itself into its own competition. It’s a pretty sweet deal though.

Not only will you have the chance to book a spot at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival but you will also pocket a handy $2,000. Local heats: The Potato Shed, Geelong on February 23 & The Capital, Bendigo on March 1. Registrations are open now through comedyfestival.com.au. Note: Geelong will also host a heat of RAW Comedy, another Melbourne International Comedy Festival project to find the funny, at GPAC on February 2.

Hit rawcomedy.com.au for details on that one.

Chris Altmann Likes it Nice Originally from Adelaide, singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist Chris Altmann now divides his time between Melbourne, Toronto and Nashville. In his career to date Chris has walked the road of tinged country-rock (The Drowners), modern poprock (The Vandas) and, as a solo artist, 1970s Americana. Altmann released his debut solo album Que Paso in 2010 but with his new album, Nothing But Nice Things, he has delivered something special. Cowriting the album with some of Nashville’s hottest names, the album explores themes including spirituality, love and society.

Plenty more is lined up for 2013 including a live album, a studio album, and a European tour, but before he does looks ahead to that he will play The Bridge, Castlemaine on December 15.

Newstead Live!

Music Festival January 25 through January 28 are the dates to keep in mind if the Newstead Live! Music Festival is your kind of thing. And it really should be your thing. Taking place an all too easy 15 minutes from Castlemaine, the festival first took place in 2007. With a ton of charm the festival has grown from strength to strength with each passing year and in 2013 it’s quality all the way. Rory McLeod, Nancy Kerr & James Fagan, Monique Brumby, Buffalo Tales (Wes Carr), Modhan, Austin Lucas & PJ Bond, Nick Charles, Martin Pearson, The Hottentots, Margret Roadknight, The Stillsons, Saiorse, Alanna & Alicia Egan, Damian Neal, Mike & Thom Jackson, Red Raven Morris Dancers, Lots of Rigbys, Ado Barker, Roger Montgomery & John Angliss, Graham Wilson, Geoffrey Graham, The Paper Street Soap Company, Saffron Avenue, and The Melways will perform. Get all the goss you need through newsteadlive.com.

ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Monster Meeting Music

Daryl Braithwaite

Lakeside Twilights go Aussie Real Graphic Brilliance THE GORDON GALLERY, GEELONG Wednesday 7 November 2012 On Wednesday the 7th of November, the Gordon Gallery showcased the design work of 25 unique Graphic Design students. The exhibition was the reflection of two challenging, creative, inspiring and hard years of work for the diploma of Graphic Design students studying at The Gordon.

The opening night was a huge success with well over 100 industry members, friends and family sharing the occasion with the graduates and over 200 visitors who attended the exhibition during Open House on the Saturday.

As one of the 2012 Graphic Design graduates I know first hand the hard work that went into organising one of the most successful exhibitions at The Gordon to date. The exhibition showcased the graduate class’s banners and portfolios. Most presented them in a professionally designed book which they designed from scratch.

Many of the 2012 design graduates have been involved in real briefs within the local community.

Highly commended for his professional work practice, Asher Terpstra, has been one of the stand out designers over the two years. He set the benchmark almost unattainably high but this inspired others to achieve more and work harder (including myself). Asher designed the logo and collateral identity for Run Geelong 2012, Open House 2012 and Geelong Small Business Festival 2011. Another exceptional designer who received the Design Production Award for consistent design skills is Louis Green. Louis’ work ethic and enthusiasm for Design will ensure that he has a very bright and successful design future ahead of him.

Other award recipients who were highly commended on opening night are: Sian Downes and Sarah Hore for Most Outstanding Illustrations, Steven Chankham for Most Outstanding Typography Skills (Steve has now been offered a full time Graphic Design position with Pace Advertising), Sally Sparks Cousins for Most Outstanding Finished Art award and Sarah Gross for The Graphic Design Excellence Award. While I have this small amount of space I would like to give an enormous thankyou to the extremely passionate and dedicated teaching staff in the design department of The Gordon.

The success of Real Graphic Brilliance (RGB) was a direct result of the hard work, time and commitment they provided us with over the two years, so, thank you. By Sarah Gross.

(Photo by RGB photographers: Emily Ryan and Cassie Mackenzie).

The first Lakeside Twilights Concert kicks off this weekend, taking place on the Lake Wendouree Foreshore on December 15. The aim of the concert series is to take advantage of the summer sun by staging events around central Victoria. Lakeside Twilights boasts the all-star Australian line-up of James Reyne, Daryl Braithwaite and Vika & Linda Bull.

There will be plenty of great food on offer and you’re welcome to bring a camp chair or picnic rug to make your day a little comfier. Promoter Duane McDonald, “This will be a perfect opportunity to showcase some of Australia’s finest entertainers in a magnificent setting.

The Lake Wendouree Foreshore has to be one of the best settings in the country for an event like this.” Hit lakesidetwilights.com.au for more. (photo by Mercury Megaloudis)

On December 15, 1851, 15,000 gold diggers on the Forest Creek diggings rebelled against the Victorian Government’s Gold License. The protest meeting – dubbed Monster Meeting – was the first public protest in Australia. It would pave the way for democracy in Australia. In 2012 a project began to tell the story of the Monster Meeting through song, story, research, and film and now you have the chance to hear the music. Launched

by John Landy and hosted by Jonathan Rindell, the night will feature a selection of wonderful artists including Richard Lewis, Jamie Roberts, Martin McKenna, Peter Kenyon, Patrick Killeen, Mickey Lewis & Annie Morabito, Frank Jones & Christie Wositzky-Jones, Doug Owen, Dave Maxwell, Merryn Lamb, Stephen Foster/Charles Mackay/ Trad./Jan Wositzky and Tony Ryan. They will be accompanied by The Monster Meeting Band, an extremely talented bunch of musos put together by Jan ‘Yarn’ Wositzky. Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – December 14. Further information on the project can be found through monstermeeting.net. .........................................................................

Invasion: We Are Not Alone Sci-fi buffs are going to want to head to the Warrnambool Art Gallery pronto – that’s if they haven’t already. Hell, it’s probably worth a second look anyway. The reason is Invasion, an exhibition featuring a killer collection of artefacts from the land of film and TV. Included in the display is a full size alien from Ridley Scott’s Alien, a Dr Who costume, and props from Star Wars, Alien, Predator, Star

Groovin’ the Moo

Trek, Doctor Who, Mars Attack, X-files, Planet of the Apes, Andromeda, Stargate Atlantis and Red Dwarf. Michael Jackson’s mask from Moonwalker even has a place. In what is a major coup for the gallery, the exhibition marks the first time the collection has left the UK. Invasion is currently exhibiting and will do so until the end of January.

Follow the links through visitwarrnambool.com.au for more. .........................................................................

Justin Townes Earle Returns You just can’t seem to keep songman Justin Townes Earle away from Australia. Not that you will hear anyone complaining about that. The American singer-songwriter gets better with each album with his latest, 2012’s Nothing’s Gonna Change the Way You Feel About Me Now, sitting at the top of the pile. Paste Magazine’s Hillary Saunders wrote, “A masterpiece of balances, it’s like the 30-year-old singer/songwriter has taken the musical pieces of his back catalogue (that ranged from folk to honky tonk to experimental), cautiously removed elements and carefully rearranged them into an ever-evolving entity that stands precariously, yet, proudly.”

Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – February 2. .........................................................................

Ma Petite Shoots for the Moon After providing violin for artists including Bon Iver, Soko, Dan Mangan, Gotye, Jordan Klassen, Lamplight, Zachary Lucky, and Treelines for the better part of a decade, Indiana Avent decided she wanted the world to know her solo material.

Adopting the performing name Ma Petite, Avent moved to Canada early in 2011 to begin work on her debut album, The Road that Led me to Fall.

The idea for the album – which was written while Avent was in Canada in 2010 – was to record an album that held Avent’s unique Australia style but encompassed Canada’s independent folk singer scene. A string of local musos feature on the release. The album, which is set for release in 2013, is led by single ‘Man About Moon’. Returning to her hometown, Ma Petite plays The Bridge, Castlemaine on December 14. .........................................................................

The Magical 80 Aces

360 We gave it a mention in Highlights but let’s take a closer look at Groovin’ the Moo 2013. Groovin’ the Moo is the most popular music event to take place in Bendigo these days and with the event set to return once again next year, they are looking for your help. While things are still being put into place for what promises to be a bumper of a show in 2013, GTM is on the prowl for those with an artistic flair to help them with GTM Tee. The fantastic competition seeks out one lucky soul who will have their artwork plastered on a t-shirt and sold as official merch. That’s got to look good on a resume and be handy for the ego too. Your ability matters not, good readers. Local artists, graphic designers, students, professionals, and amateurs are all encouraged to enter the competition. The theme is ‘Homegrown’ and other than it having to be a single-sided graphic T, the rest is in your hands… or creative minds as the case may be. They are also on the lookout for local event staff.

Submissions for both kick off in January so you have a little time to get the ideas flowing or put together a tidy little resume. Groovin’ the Moo hits the Prince of Wales Showgrounds on May 4.

Bookmark gtm.net.au to keep updated.

The 80 Aces are a modest lot.

Labelling themselves as ‘Warrnambool’s Second Favourite Band’, the outfit is 100% alt-rock goodness. Sure, they have supported a stack of artists including Hoodoo Gurus, You Am I, Dan Kelly, Dallas Crane, Regurgitator, The Vasco Era, 67 Special, Ground Components and The Exploders. Sure, they have given us some killer tunes. But it is their new single, ‘Magic Shoes’ that has delivered something different. The single – which has been receiving some very kind words – was recorded and produced

by Steven Schram. As for the accompanying clip, it was shot from the knees down and tells the story of a man trying his moves on a woman on the dance floor. You can check out the band through Facebook or check out the clip through YouTube and SoundCloud. talk of the town! continues on page 40

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Carmen Maria Vega

By Natalie Rogers

Je vous présente Carmen Maria Vega, the French dynamo who has been reviewed as having ‘the voice of Edith Piaf with the energy of The Sex Pistols.’ I sat down with Carmen and her translator, the promoter of So Frenchy So Chic, Jean-Francois Ponthieux. “It will be my first time in Australia and I am very excited, I will be bringing my whole band. In fact my bass player is Australian, and we speak a lot about the Australian people and music so you should all come and see me because I’m the best singer you have never heard!” Vega jokes.

Currently enjoying enormous success in her own country, with her sophomore album From Chaos Stars Are Born going gold, and a string of soldout performances, CMV is an ideal addition to this beautiful event that is being touted as ‘the ultimate garden party with a soundtrack to match’.

Born in Honduras (Guatemala) before settling as a small child in Lyon, France, Vega was constantly surrounded by creative, artistic people and developed a love for music very early on. Her unorthodox upbringing contributed immensely to her very eclectic music styles and tastes. Vega effortlessly combines classic chanson, gypsy jazz and sheer charisma laced with punk rock trimmings. Vega reveals: “I really want to stay on the French word, as in the language - but for the arrangement I love English pop and rock and roll - I feel more comfortable with that.”

Ma Petite

By Natalie Rogers

Introducing Indiana Avent a.k.a Ma Petite singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, actor and all round cool chick. I spoke to Indiana days after her return from Canada, her home away from home. We chatted about her newest project Ma Petite, her jazz tuba playing father and her contribution to the success of Aria’s ‘man of the moment’ Gotye.

“When I played with him [Gotye] it was for a European tour - my old band and I supported him,” Indiana began. “One night he invited us to play with him on stage for a song, so later in the hotel room we thought one song isn’t quite enough. So we did a few arrangements and then in sound check we’re like, ‘Hey Wally [trying to sound casual] we came up with this arrangement, I don’t know if you wanna hear it?’ and we ended up playing on three or four tracks. It was a lot of fun for sure.”

Along with Gotye, Indiana has shared the stage with many artists such as Bon Iver, Soko, Dan Mangan, Zachary Lucky and Jordan Klassen amongst others. No longer content with lending her talent to others, one night over a few drinks on her first trip to Canada, Ma Petite was born. “It wasn’t something intentional, I was there playing violin for Zachary Lucky and I was embraced by other people in the indie/folk scene there. I found that writing music or lyrics for my own stuff is so different to playing music that is set, because this is me, I’m playing music for me and not what other people want me to do,” says Indiana.

The Hives

By Ophelia Symons

There is no denying that Swedish five-piece The Hives are one of the greatest rock bands of our time – and one of the most recognisable with their black and white magician-like on stage uniforms. They’ve earned themselves a loyal fanbase over 20 years and have impressed crowds all over the world with their unique live shows. The Hives are currently touring Europe in support of their latest album release Lex Hives (2012) before they’ll be boarding the plane straight to our land down under to perform at the annual New Years celebration, Falls Festival as well as a few of their own sideshows.

I caught up with guitarist Nicholaus Arson as he was navigating his way to the venue in Hamburg to play the third show of their tour with American Hardcore band The Bronx and Nicholaus makes no secret of his excitement to get back to Australia after last years Splendour In The Grass shows. “We always enjoy coming to Australia to play shows. I think it was the first time we ever played in Australia actually at Falls Festival in 2001 going on to 2002. That was a really good show and every time we come back to Australia we always have great shows,” Nicholaus tells me.

It seems wherever they tour in the world they have great shows and according to Spin magazines Greatest Live Rock Bands list, The Hives rank number eight out of twenty five rock ‘n’ rollers. One rank above musical legend, Prince. It’s been said that it’s not wise to pick The Hives as a support band

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Vega separates her time equally between Europe and the U.S: “My last album was recorded partly in Paris, partly in Lyon and part in New York.” Vega also indulges another passion - acting : “I am also an actress - I made a movie recently, called ‘The Day of The Frog’ in which I wrote and performed the theme song.”

Joining Vega is French indie/pop singer Melanie Pain, three-piece rock band Revolver, and Parisian pop princess Nadéah. So Frenchy So Chic will be held on January 20, 2013 at Werribee Park, bringing the sophistication and character of Parisian culture to us. A feast for the ears, eyes and stomach, the stalls at the festival will have a plethora of delicious delicacies on offer: macarons, Brittany baguettes, fresh-baked meringues, luscious lemon possets, scrumptious cheese platters and cassoulet. There will also be refreshments to impress even the most schooled connoisseur with French beer, Laurent Perrier champagne and Halle aux Vins wine from the Loire Valley.

To celebrate another year of So Frenchy So Chic, Cartell Music is holding a competition in which two lucky winners get an all expenses paid trip to Paris to experience the French live music scene. Check out cartellmusic.com.au for more info. Early bird tickets can be purchased through the website now, with Children under 12 receiving free entry.

When&Where: January 20 at So Frenchy So Chic, Werribee Park Mansion Music has always been a central part of life in the Avent family home: “I play violin, flute, clarinet and ukulele - my dad was a jazz tuba player so I was lucky enough to get the musically gene from him. I also have a Bachelor in Theatre Performance, and it has been a bit of a tug-of-war between acting and music. Before I left for overseas I did a couple of feature films and ads, but right now my main priority is music.”

“I’m having my single launch party at Castlemaine [The Bridge Hotel] on December 14, with Redbird and The River and the Road, two Canadian acts. The single is called Man of the Moon and it’s about a crazy Frenchman I met who now happens to be the horn player on my forthcoming album. It was written in Vancouver and I really wanted it to be a representation of the landscape I have fallen in love with and of the wacky characters I have met there,” Indiana tells us.

Indiana plans to release her full debut LP before she heads back to Canada for the release there later in 2013: “My record is layered with a string quartet, drums, bass and horns. It is multi- instrumental, with thanks to a lot of different people. It’s huge in comparison to what I started out doing. Before when I’d play live, it was just me, by myself, so it is quite a leap from what I’ve done in the past, but it is a true representation of where Ma Petite is now, and I’m so excited to share it with people at home in Australia now.

When&Where: December 14, The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine

as they will generally upstage the main act, so what do The Hives have in store for the Falls Festival? “Well we’re just like magicians you know, we are expected to do the obvious trick but we don’t know magic tricks, and we don’t really need them. A friend of ours who was at a gig in Los Angeles said that ‘in this town there are plenty of magicians, but there are very few wizards.’ So basically we’re very over the top magicians. We’ll do the man in half and we’ll do all the same tricks as other musicians, we just execute them better than everyone else. Our shows are always great and it’s always really high quality stuff.”

Their latest album Lex Hives was released earlier this year and reached the Top 50 charts in five different countries. Lex Hives was recorded and produced completely independently by the band themselves rather than with a record company as with the previous four albums. “We always want to do a complete U-turn from our previous record with every record we make. On the Black and White album we were trying to use as many different ideas as possible, we were trying to tap into the different ideas and and on this one we just thought we have come away from that and we didn’t really need it, we didn’t need anyone, we had it all. We thought we had all the ideas within The Hives so we could do it ourselves.

It’s not so different from before because we always did exactly what we wanted to.

Record companies never told us what to do, we always put in our record deals that we were going to do exactly what we wanted to do and then we would deliver a record,” explains Nicholaus.

When&Where: 28 Dec – 1 Jan, Falls Festival Lorne & 6 January, The Forum Melbourne It’s only been five months since Lex Hives was unleashed upon the world and the band are already working on the next album, and with such a great reception for their fifth album, it’s hard to imagine what The Hives have on the cards for the sixth. “There’s always that process where we try and make the best record we can at that point in time, I think we have at least four or five songs that we’re working on that might be some of the best songs ever,” Nicholaus reveals. “Some of them are sort of over the top Hives, some of them are hard songs and some of them

are slow songs. Whenever we put it all together it usually comes out sounding like The Hives, but the songs come from very different places. Sometimes it’s just drums and vocals; sometimes it’s just the bass. Sometimes it’s everything, sometimes just strings. They’re all very different,” concludes Nicholaus.

Catch The Hives at Falls Festival or their Melbourne sideshow. As many have said before, you’d be crazy to miss them.

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THE FIRST 150 TO JOIN SAVE * $148!

PLUS GET A FREE BACKPACK, WATER BOTTLE AND TOWEL!

Jetts Belmont OPENING SOON! E. belmont@jetts.com.au

1300 JETTS 247 | jetts.com.au

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Happy X-Max Looking to mix it up and try a bit of everything this season? Well the Max Hotel just has it-and-a-bit to get you through the summer. Ok, Ok, Ok, so they have all the stuff we want from a pub, amazing live local bands every Friday and Saturday night, limitless amounts of cold beer and cider for the warm weather, Specials nights if you are looking for a feed, and last but not least, one of the best views of the bay from their gorgeous balcony. But, on top of that they always succeed in coming up with new and exciting ways to keep you entertained and get you doing something you have probably never done before. The Max are hosting a huge New Year’s Eve bash this year, featuring live music from local loves Frequency, plus DJs playing on levels two. Get into the Black and Gold theme and get pumped for a night of fun and frivolity! Plus, with a host of staff that love nothing more than seeing a look on a patron’s face after that first sip of beer on a stifling hot day, why would you want to hang out anywhere else? Check out their Facebook page to find out more about what’s happening this summer.

Blues Boot Camp Ridestylz As the weather heats up, more and more of you are going to start strolling, or should we say swarming down Torquay’s Bell Street. As you mosey down, pop in and see our friends Tyler & Liv at Ridestylz, it’s suprising how successfully these guys have managed to bring a heap of culture and an infectious vibe back into this stretch. While they stock everything you need for summer fun, like a new skateboard, long board or beach cruiser, they also stock some of the freshest get-up in the region. Oh, and they make a damn fine coffee too. Sounds like I am talking about three stores right? Nope, these guys have managed to take influences from all aspects of their journey so far, including Liv’s background as a legendary barista and vineyard manager, and Tyler’s background in MotorX touring and producing, helping to create the unique Ridestylz recipe. Ultimately, their little gift to us is the bloody coolest collective space we have seen up the coast to date. So girls, if your looking for an outfit with a bit of personality this summer try a pair of Ridestylz’ cut-off denim shorts paired with a Santa Cruz or Stussy muscle tank, plus some Sublime sunnies for those peepers. For guys there is plenty to go round. Check out their huge range of Sullen, Dickies and Deathwish threads plus all your favourite old school skate labels, Bones and Elephant Brand just to name a couple! Or if your not in the market for any of the above, just pop in and say hi, I swear you will leave with two new friends. And you can never have enough of those, right? Find them online at ridestylz.com.au or in the flesh at Shop 2/34a Bell Street.

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Welcome to the Club: The Blues Boot Camp has had a successful run over the past few years so it is little surprise that it returns for another outing in 2013. In a nutshell the camp is about teaching participants the basics of understanding the mechanics of blues and gospel music while encouraging freedom of expression. After all, that’s what the blues is all about.

Your players: Wayne Jury: A vocalist and guitarist, Wayne is also the facilitator and coordinator of Blues Boot Camp.

He has been a professional musician for some 35 years and a singing teacher for 15 years. He is currently a tutor at MWT Music Institute, Geelong.

Sandy Brady: Handling your bass and stringed instrument needs, Sandy has toured nationally and internationally. She is a Program Director for the Port Fairy Folk Festival.

Sarah Carroll: Sarah is affectionately known as ‘The Ukulele Queen of Bellarine’. She is also the Director of The Tides of Welcome Soul and Gospel Choir.

Tim Neal: A multi-instrumentalist, Tim has performed and recorded with countless acts. He is currently a music teacher at the Gordon Institute of TAFE. Dave Steel: A guitarist and mandolin player, Dave has had generous stints in Weddings Parties Anything and with Archie Roach. He has also released eight solo albums.

Need to know: The Blues Boot Camp takes place across January 8, 9 & 10 at The Potato Shed, Drysdale. Please note that January 10 is the performance day (with sound check and rehearsal). The Camp is designed for all instruments and for students Years Six and up with an intermediate level of ability for instrumentalists and beginner to intermediate for vocalists. Those with learning difficulties are encouraged to attend. Students will be required to bring all their own equipment where possible. For cost, bookings and further information hit geelongaustralia.com.au.

Odyssey Tavern Beer lovers unite! Celebratory toasts will be raised all around the region this summer praising the settlement of our newly beloved Odyssey Tavern & Brewery which has made a home in Mount Duneed this year. Boasting the best selection of quality Craft Beers & Ciders throughout Geelong and surrounding areas, they also have a knowledgeable and friendly team of beer-fans on hand to help you make the most of your frothy experience.

And let’s be honest, summer is the season of sunshine...and beer; Odyssey combine our two favourite past times perfectly with their awesome beer garden. With plenty of grass to sit on, a load of live music to chill out to, or perhaps a Kubb tournament to take part in, Odyssey really do manage to turn a cold pot into a memorable summer experience. Relentless supporters of the local live music scene, Odyssey host a range of local and national touring artists over four nights a week, every week. Trademarking themselves as a vital player in the future of Geelong music venues, Odyssey are setting up to host their first ever Blues & Folk Festival over the Australia Day long weekend in 2013. To find out more about what the Odyssey crew are up to check out their website at www.odysseytavernandbrewery.com.au or pop in for a beer and a chat at 611 Surf Coast Highway, Mount Duneed.

Glitter Gang at The Sphinx One of the biggest personalities of all our region’s entertainment venues, The Sphinx Hotel is hosting another stellar show on Saturday December 15. The Glitter Gang performance will be a musical delight for your ears, plus there is also the option to enjoy an exquisite meal prior to the show for only $55. Featuring Barry Glitter, Marsha Brady, Dirk Diggler, Bobby Dazzler and Stevie Knievel get ready for a night of good ol’ fashion fun from a band who has been getting people up and dancing for a lazy twenty years! Also, for those of you chasing a stress-free and enjoyable Christmas, the Sphinx is hosting their Annual Christmas Lunch. Consisting of an incredible three course meal this one is for the adults and children alike, you can even expect a visit from Santa! Tickets to the delectable feast are $70 for adults and $28 for children. Call the Sphinx today to make sure you don’t miss out! PH: 5278 2911

Jetts Fitness Club Your ‘no time to exercise’ cop-outs are going to be blown out the window this February with the opening of Australia’s most convenient Fitness Club, right on your doorstep! Jetts Fitness is opening up their brand-spanking new facility on High Street, Belmont, offering gym-goers the flexibility to work out whenever they please.

Literally. The 24/7 Fitness Club offers it’s members coming soon to belmont! access via a unique smart card system, allowing you to work out at any time of day or night, no matter what your hectic schedule looks like! Scott Dumbell (Jetts Fitness Club Owner) says “The success of our Geelong West and Torquay centres has been quite humbling. The uptake by local residents has proven to us the demand for an affordable and convenient fitness alternative.” The beauty of Jetts is that it’s all about enjoying your gym sesh, and relishing in the freedom, flexibility and affordability that comes with it. Utilising the latest fitness equipment from Australia’s leading suppliers, Jetts focuses on the popular and simple equipment that people enjoy using most, a) because they want you to have fun, and b) because they don’t want your mind to boggle by looking at strange machines that you have no idea how to use, or use safely. Your membership also means you can work out at any of the Jetts Clubs across our region...and all over Australia. We really are beginning to run out of excuses now guys. Jetts Fitness Belmont is opening February 1st, 2013 at Level 1/155 High St Belmont. Join as a foundation member and save $148 if you sign-up before opening day. Call Jetts on 1300 JETTS 247 or visit the Club’s website at jetts.com.au for more info.

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GEELONG PARTY BOAT CRUISE COMPANY PRESENTS

Freestyle

SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE Portarlington & beyond Launching every Sunday from January 6th 2013 On board the ALL NEW HYGEIA III LUXURY CATAMARAN Enjoy the finest cuisine on the Bay - Prawns from the BBQ - Hawaiian style kebabs - Exotic marinades

$50

Inc band & finger food Drinks at bar prices

Get your groove on to the sounds of local blues band

DOG GONE SOUTH

BOOKINGS ADVISED Boarding from 1.30pm. Departing Bay end of Yarra Street 2pm sharp. Returning 5pm

www.hygeia.com.au P: 03 5254 1111

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One for you, one for me. That’s the approach that we all must take towards our Christmas shopping if we want to get through the next month with our sanity intact.

Freestyle are here to support you through this hectic time, offering you an endless array of stylish options to ensure that you are at the very least, a well-dressed social butterfly this season. On top of keeping you well dressed, Freestyle are here to help crown you with the ‘Ultimate Gift Giver and Best Person To Have You For Kris Krindle’ title this season.

Ok, so we may have made those awards up. But honestly, for all the clothes, shoes and accessories yourself and your gift recipients will love, get down to Freestyle and check out there jam-packed summer range. Who needs to deck the halls with holly when you can cover them with an array of all the latest styles from All About Eve, Jorge, Deacon and St Goliath? Ride your Reindeers down to Freestyle at 117 Pakington St Geelong West and make yourself the Ultimate Santa this season.

Blues On The Bay If you are looking to cruise in something a little more stylish this Summer you must check out the all new Hygeia 111. The team at Hygeia on the Bay are proud to introduce their new luxurious twenty metre catamaran which comfortably caters for up to 150 guests! The biggest and best bay cruiser Geelong has seen, the Hygeia 111 has a sleek finish and contemporary decor that is sure to impress yourself and your fellow sailors on your next special occasion. But if you don’t have a birthday coming up, and you aren’t planning on getting married (or re-married!) anytime soon, never fear, there is still a spot on board the Hygeia 111 for you. Embarking on their Sunday Blues Cruise to the bays of Portarlington and beyond, the team at Hygeia invite you to wine, dine, relax and unwind whilst enjoying the live entertainment and delicious cuisine available on board. To join the Hygeia on their next Sunday Blues Cruises (January 6, 13, 20 & 27, 2013) or to make a booking for your next celebration call 5254 1111 or visit www.hygeia.com.au.

Eclectica Did you guys know that it was possible to go treasure hunting down Pakington Street?

Just look for the charming little shop called ‘Eclectica’. With shelves that are jam-packed with all sorts of wonderful things, whether it’s a gift for you or for them... it’s sure to be eclectic! No matter how many pennies you have in your pocket, there is something indulgent available for us all. These guys also jazz up the gift giving experience with some stylish free-of-charge wrapping.

If your not chasing gifts or homewares, Eclectica have a stunning collection of cotton clothing and specialise in one-off jewellery pieces...made in-house! After all, we do love knowing we are wearing a one-of-a-kind.

Eclectica are also big supporters of the local artist trade, so whilst you will always walk away a happy shopper you can also take pride in the fact you are supporting the independent artists in our region. Open seven days until Christmas, it is a muststop on your next stroll down Pako. Oh... and if you can’t make it in person, make sure you catch up with them in the virtual world www.facebook.com/EclecticaPako

Click ‘Get offer’ on ‘Purplecow store’ Facebook page for 25% off everything online!

Ok. So there’s what, maybe fifteen events for you to get through this festive season?

Atleast? And yes, I know we all agree. No one likes wearing the same outfit more than once, twice, three times if we are lucky, to a special occassion with the same group of companions. Whether it’s a festival, a night out, a gig, a birthday party or even christmas day with the fam, somehow the idea of out-fit repeating has become a bit of a universal no-go zone. At last, we can rest easy and look fabulous...and have a full wardrobe...and still have some pennies left to enjoy these celebrations we are frocking up for. All pats on the back to Purple Cow for this one. The team at Purple Cow are now stocking the best range of summer dresses in town (both casual and evening), an ever-growing yet increasingly spectacular collection of jewellery and accessories, your must-have distressed denim shorts and an endless array of tops to match. Guys can also choose from a huge range of tees, shorts and pants to help them survive the next few months of mayhem. So what more could we want from these guys? Well, we want it to be accessible 24/7, don’t we? The team at Purple Cow have heard the cries of us Digital Natives and it is now possible for us to purchase all stock online. If a) you can’t make it into the store, (holidaying internationally? still got you covered) or, b) the thought of being caught in last summer’s daggy clothes frightens you, no worries, order in hibernation and await their quick and stylish arrival. Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Purple Cow promo codes through their social media pages to nab yourself an even better deal this silly season. Visit purplecowclothing.com.au or search ‘Purplecow store’ on Facebook.

Cuda Bar Whether you have been slaving away at work, or you have just strolled in from the beach, there is no better way to finish up a day in Lorne than heading down to Cuda Bar for a cold drink and a meal with great company. The 2012 Golden Plate Finalists at Cuda Bar have a philosophy fit for the perfect dining experience - great food, great entertainment. Couldn’t ask for much more could we? Kick back and relax over a cocktail and some of Cuda’s infamous tapas while you enjoy the chilled acoustic dinner entertainment, and follow it up with something from the full A La Carte menu, perhaps the incredibly popular and irresistible seared scallops with corn and zucchini frittas. Proving Cuda is the hostess with the mostess they even have you covered for all your after dinner shenanigans. With a wine list from the Surf Coast to Bordeaux and a DJ to get you up off those sunburnt bums this summer, Cuda Bar have everything you want wrapped up with a nice little bow this festive season.

Oh, and we must not forget to mention, as proud supporters of the local live music scene, from Boxing Day Cuda will play host to a huge range of artists every day through until January 16. Get down there and find out what all the hype is about - 84 Mountjoy Parade, Lorne.

Kylie J Pole Kylie J Pole Studio will be celebrating their 2nd birthday on January 13 and they are inviting us all along to swing on some poles and have some birthday cake. This small independent business has grown in leaps and bounds since it first opened at the beginning of 2011. Thanks to a lot of hard work from Kylie herself, the studio now employs six instructors, has participated in a stack of expos, hosted plenty of hens parties and boasts to have had over 2500 people playing on the poles since its humble beginning. As anyone who has tried this sport would tell you, Pole is extremely addictive.

Bringing people of all ages and fitness levels together you step in to a very social, friendly and happy atmosphere... a very infectious way to start a work out! On top of a giggle, Pole also offers you the ability to work every single muscle group in your body, increasing strength, flexibility and endurance.

Some people suffer from dibilitating misconceptions that prevent them from trying Pole, all of which are curable as soon as you take your first steps into the Studio and realise that Kylie J Pole is all about fun, and a lot about fitness. Contact Kylie J Pole to find out more on 5229 0050.

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Summer At The Bridge Great live music. A jam-packed calendar of great live music. That’s what is happening at The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine this summer. Feels like that’s enough said doesn’t it? Well just to make it clear what you should be doing when you are hanging out in Castlemaine over the next couple of months, The Bridge Hotel will be hosting all the best local, national and internationally touring artists this summer. Playing home to a stack of big name musicians every week, you can expect to see Rebecca Barnard, Cosmo Jarvis, Sean McMahon’s Western Union, Berlin Postmark and Grumpy Neighbour (amongst a load of others!), during this highly anticipated festive season. Trekking through on his way to Falls Festival, Cosmo Jarvis is set to be a massive hit on November 29. Oh, and did we mention Pimms? Delicious Pimms punch will be available to purchase whilst watching all your fave’s perform live.

When you need to take five from busting your best moves, or you’re simply looking to soak up a bit of sunshine on a Sunday, The Bridge also has a glorious little beer garden that is about to quadruple in size. Bands, Pimms and Beer Gardens. Game. Set. Match. For more information on upcoming gigs contact The Bridge Hotel Castlemaine on 5472 1161.

The Batesford Nestled in the glorious little town of Batesford, situated by the beautiful Moorabool river and the historic bluestone bridge, lives the Batesford Hotel. More than just a watering hole for the locals, the Batesford has perfected the tedious balance of old and new. Through restoration, a respect for heritage, and just the right amount of TLC, the Batesford Hotel showcases the remarkable knack to present a modern dining experience coupled with an abundant dose of character that is only found in a building with a memoir. Kevin & Tanya as owners of the Batesford have taught us all a life lesson here- don’t fix something that isn’t broken, just take all it’s most charming parts and polish them up. And this, they have done so well. Using the building to maximise their incredibly fortunate scenic location, such as the stunning deck from the Moorabool Room, the Batesford Hotel doesn’t just feel like another building decided to set up shop in the bush, it feels like it’s meant to be there. This is a feat hotel owners have endevoured to reach for lifetimes, and might I add, have rarely conquered. Kevin & Tanya describe their stunning Hotel as not just a venue but a ‘destination’, and on seeing the place, and experiencing the way the scenery and heritage of the building absorbs you, a better description could simply not be found. For an award winning coffee, a high-class list of local wines, a boutique beer overlooking the river, a meal that will make your mouth water, or just a chat with two of the friendliest locals in the region, the Batesford Hotel is the complete package. And then some. Find this hidden treasure at 700 Ballarat Road, Batesford.

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Sundays @ Sebroso The sweet sounds of traditional Latin soul music will be filling Pakington Street every Sunday this Summer. Throwing the ultimate Sunday Sesh, Sebroso promise us sunshine seating, great food, cold drinks, and above all else great music.

Now I know what you’re all thinking. Everyone has a Sunday Sesh on Sunday over Summer, what would make this one any cooler than the next? Well my friends, where else in Geelong can you get awesome latino music and traditional spanish food? No where. Bringing some culture, spice and all things nice to us this festive season, the guys at Sebroso will also be cooking Paella on the streets, hosting some fabulous Salsa lessons for beginners, and all in all, making us feel like we have time travelled to a Carnival in Spain. Minus the angry bulls. Details3pm-4pm Salsa class ($10p.p), 4pm-5pm, DJ playing Latino tracks, 5pm-Late DJ & paella. Sebroso is open Tuesday to Sunday nights for dinner, and Wednesday to Sunday for lunch.

A Cosmic Psychosis Get your thirsty-self down to The Barwon Club on Saturday December 15 to catch the Cosmic Psychos in action.

Rocking out for over thirty years these guys boast a legion of note-worthy fans including Buzz Osbourne, Eddie Vedder and the late Kurt Cobain!

What could be better than spreading your Christmas cheer with a room full of rowdy punk lovers and the Pioneers of Grunge themselves? Offering each and every one of you punk-rock fantatics the best early Chrissy present one could hope for, the guys from Melbourne will be performing their best tracks from the last thirty-odd years. Oh, and mum always says ‘don’t mosh out on an empty stomach’, get down there early and enjoy one of the best bang-for-your-buck meals in town. Tickets are now available for $20 + BF. Contact The Barwon Club on 5221 4584 for more information.

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New Year On The Pier

The crew at the Pier are busy prepping for Geelong’s biggest New Years celebration. Helping you end twenty twelve with a bang and begin the New Year in style will be the stunning Jane Daffy, Andy Murphy and Rob Pix, amongst other legendary local DJs. We all feel the pennypinch by the time New Years Eve hits, so the Pier are giving each and every one of us our own special little Christmas present this year and keeping ticket prices down to $99+BF. Not bad considering this covers you for ten drink tokens, finger food and priority entry to all your favourite clubs where you can continue the carry-on, huh? Held in the Lillias Room, you can also expect to have the best seat in the city for the annual fireworks shows. Even though this is a strictly 18+ event, you cannot deny that as an adult this is still a little bit exciting. C’mon everyone loves fireworks. Grab your tickets from the Pier during business hours or online from Oztix.

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Peking Duk

BY LUKE MCNAMARA

similarities would you say that you guys share with the famous Chinese dish? We are saucy, tasty and make your mouth wet.

Is there an explanation to the name? There are a few and they are all a bit naughty, I think it’s best told in person. But yeah the dish is pretty tasty too.

You guys are from Canberra, how is life in the capital city? Canberra is gold. Everyone knows everyone - which can work both ways. There are some really cool people in Canberra but the place needs to be a bit more consistantly vibrant. It seems that the nightlife scene fluctuates so heavily. Hopefuly soon Canberra will get vibing again.

You guys have made a name for yourself on the national stage with chart listings and festival shows. This was from humble beginnings. Was the success something you expected? We never thought our tracks would chart in the top 10 or that we’d be playing festival shows - it’s surreal to be a part of such a fun and new scene. We’re completely stoked to be working with/around people who have been our main inspiration to create music. It’s an honour.

The genre question - sorry, electro with a twist of house? Is that the best description? We change our style on most tracks - one track will be 100bpm with a slow guitar lead over the top then the next will be 128bpm four-to-the-floor heavy electro, then the next will be chilled out 120bpm summer vibes. We never really know what we’re gonna do next and we don’t like to categorise music into genres, so I’d say

our style/genre is a mix of lots of different styles like electro/rock/hip hop/indie.

You have international shows on the horizon, both Asia and the USA - excited? We can’t wait!

Last show we played in South Korea was absolutely mental. As for America we can’t believe we’re playing over there, sweaty times ahead.

What are some of your best tracks or remixes people should check out? Our upcoming single ‘The Way You Are’ is our favorite single so far. It is released on December 3rd on Beatport and available for pre-order on iTunes on Dec 3rd. We’re stoked with the response it has recieved for a yet to be released song. Big ups to Triple j for adding it to their hitlist! As for remixes, our take on Passion Pits ‘Take a walk’ was a lot of fun.

Have you been to Geelong before? Do you like the Sleepy Hollow? We have! We played Eureka.

The people were down to get sweaty so it was a good time. We can’t wait to come back and play at Toast.

Describe the good aspects of festival and club shows? Do you prefer one or the other? We love them both - with club shows the relationship with the crowd is much more intimate so you can gain a strong connection with them, which is always fun. With festival shows it’s harder to capture the whole crowd at once so working for their love is a lot of fun.

Are you looking forward to coming to Geelong’s Toast Nightclub? We are giddy like school girls to come and play at Toast, we’ve heard nothing but dope words about the club.

What can the punters expect? Sweat and arousal.

Any final words? Plug? 3rd December- ‘The Way You Are’. Pre-order it from iTunes or purchase on Beatport. Thanks for having us!

Angy Kore

By Rebecca McIntyre

Angy Kore, soon you are heading to our shores and we are keen to learn a little more about you. First of all, can you tell us about where the name originated from? I played with my original name Angelo Del Core!

How would you describe your style? It seems that you like to mix a little old with a little new, and you draw on some eclectic influences. Everything I do comes by my instinct. When I produce a track, I sit in front of my computer, and what has to happen happens! Something in my mind suggests to me what I have to do.

Tell us about one of your favourite remixes. Do you have one that is closest to your heart? I’m very close to ‘Italo Business’ family, I really like my work on this label and on my personal label ‘Different is Better’, and 2013 will start with a lot of new things, so stay tuned!

You are always busy touring and jet setting to various exotic locations, and partying for a living. Where are some of your favourite places to play? Every place has its own special feature, I feel really lucky to be able to play and travel around the world.

There is an age-old debate for DJs. Clubs or festivals? What do you prefer? It’s really special to play at festivals in front a huge crowd, but it is always exciting to play in the club because the DJ has a direct connection with the dancefloor .

Are you looking forward to coming to Melbourne? Have you been to the land ‘Down Under’ before? This will my third time in Australia. I had my first tour there 2 years ago and I was there last August too…I’m always satisfied about the parties there! Really looking forward being there in the upcoming year!

What can the crowd expect from your set at Summer Beats Soundsystem? My sets at the moment are based on a dark concept, and in this concept I try to introduce pieces of history such as old famous tracks. It’s funny and it is so not “techno people” can like it, and with this way they can start to love techno too.

When&Where: January 1 Summer Beats Soundsystem, RMH Courtyard & Complex, Melbourne CBD

Min&Mal

By Rebecca McIntyre

Min&Mal are two Italian Stallions with a passion for minimalist techno unlike any other. We caught up with the two brothers, Alessio and Mario Caterino, for a chat about their love of the minimal genre, the exotic destinations they have been performing, and most importantly, their upcoming appearance at the Summer Beats Soundsystem festival on New Years Day. Recently the duo have been performing throughout Mexico, Brazil, Bulgaria, Hungary, Switzerland, Germany and France. When asked what has been their favourite location to date they told us - “We were impressed by Mexico! Definitely a place to discover both culturally and musically. We participate in many festivals including ‘Technologic Festival’ with more than twenty thousand people.

It was great! But our dream is to come over to Australia! We are excited by the thought!”

Growing up surrounded by dance music Min&Mal developed a passion for this genre from an early age. At the ages of ten and thirteen respectively, the pair were listening to a lot of pop and dance.

They tell us - “We listened all day dance music until a few years ago. Growing up we realised that our life was based mainly on electronic music. But we wanted more. The decision was to begin the journey of production and here were born Min&Mal.” So Alessio and Mario are minimalist artists. But it is hard to get a good grasp on exactly what that genre

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suggests, isn’t it? When asked about their live sets they explain them like this - “Exact. Our genre is minimal.

In our live set we offer almost all our products, we believe that if we receive a request, it is because people listen and appreciate our sound, sometimes we like to play even techno in our set.”

Ok, so a couple of things may have got a little lost in translation there, but you simply can’t mistake the passion they have for what their doing, and their positive attitude is just so damn infectious! (Just like their remix of Angy Kore, ‘Italian Techno’) When asked if the pair were excited to be a part of the huge Australian festival season this summer Alessio and Mario replied - “We are delighted to have the chance to play Summer Beats and be able to bring our genre over there! We also know that it is summer in Australia and it is very hot!

While here in Italy we are in winter in the cold!”

Wrapping up our chat, they left us with a few wise words of wisdom, “Always believe in your dreams, your passions and you will see that everything will come with time! See you in Australia!”

Couldn’t have said it better myself and I’m fluent in English.

When&Where: January 1 Summer Beats Soundsystem, RMH Courtyard & Complex, Melbourne CBD

When&Where: December 26 (Boxing Day) Toast Nightclub, Geelong

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Life’s Simple Chocolatey Pleasures Public holidays, fresh sheets, wine, free parking, coffee, new car smell... and most importantly for a lot of us, chocolate. The key ingredients to a happy life. Well at least the attainable ingredients anyway! From truffles, to pralines, fruit and nut clusters to chocolate bars and made-to-order novelty items, Moorabool Valley Chocolate is the ultimate chocolate lover’s sanctuary. And the beauty of this chocolatey haven is that you are allowed to stroll up and take the reins of your chocolate desires. You want Belgian? No worries. 75% Cocoa? Check. A flavour that isn’t on the menu? Done (These guys can fill the outlandish requests, but will require some notice!).

This locally owned and operated chocolate company is our region’s own little version of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. Minus the Oompas. The team at Moorabool Valley Chocolate also make their delicious goodies with a conscience; so if you’re feeling guilty about demolishing that block or five, feel better knowing that you skipped on the preservatives, enjoyed the fresh and natural ingredients, and last by not least you are supporting the suppliers of locally owned produce. The best gift you can give that doesn’t require an insurance policy this Christmas can be found in this cosy hideaway. Get in and see the team with any chocolatey request, and personalise your chocolate addiction this season. Find them at 320 Ballarat Rd, Batesford.

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Forte's

Summer Spots!

Aireys Inlet Aireys Inlet is one of the Surf Coasts best kept secrets, until now that is - as Forte is lifting the Lid on the iconic destination. It is the perfect little summer hideaway - tucked elegantly between Anglesea and Lorne on the Great Ocean Road. In summer it turns on some serious charm.

Tintmaster Can’t afford a new car?

How about you jazz up the one you have this Christmas with Tintmaster.

The Ultra Carbon automotive window film used by the experts at Tintmaster has the highest level performance that you can both see and feel. What’s more, is that it is the perfect way to give your car a makeover this season, without costing you an arm and a leg. With all the top level qualities you would expect from the top of the range window tint, the experts at Tintmaster use a nano-tech ceramic coating which creates an incredible endurance and a superior refined finish. A comprehensive lifetime warranty is also a part of the deal, but you can feel safe in knowing it generally won’t be required. With over twenty years service to the region, and over twenty thousand cars tinted during that time, you can trust that you are in safe hands with the team at Tintmaster. Contact the Masters of Cool this summer and experience the difference - PH: 5221 8877

a beautiful Greek menu. Sonny’s Pizza is part of the ‘bottom shops’ and it has been booming of late, there you can eat great pizza, have a beer and even catch some live music from time to time. there is also ‘Skinny Legs’ cafe and deli that unashamedly boast the biggest burgers and thickest milkshakes on the coast.

The General Store or the ‘Top shop’ will get you through your summer break with all the essentials.

If you are looking to enjoy a nice cold beverage and a great meal at Geelong’s most scenic venue It is the perfect place to plan a weekend away you simply cannot go for the summer (book in advance unless past Edge. Located you want to sleep in your car and you can’t on Eastern Beach do that because it’s illegal!) it is only a 40 Road, Edge is a minute drive from Geelong but you will feel great place to catch like you’re in another world. The small town in up with your mates, surrounded by national park, there is a river enjoy some live that runs through the bottom section of the music and feast on something from their tantilising menu. The launch of the new Italian town, there are gravel roads and beautiful Spritzer menu has the team at Edge in a tiz, adding hints of orange, pear and raspberry beaches. Then, at night, especially at the just to name a few. Made using Italian sparkling wine and the finest liquor, it’s all height of summer there is plenty of partying The town has plenty of awesome places to eat sounding mighty indulgent, and mighty tempting for the hot summer ahead. Not really to do! New Years sees the beach at Gully and drink - The newly renovated Pub with its the spritzy type? Well lucky for you, these guys have also expanded on their delicious packed with like minded party goers looking of the ocean is a must try on a| 6–8 adding James Squire’s Orchard Crush and an expanded Rekorderlig 5222 stunning 2666 |view edgegeelong.com.au Beach Rd, Geelong, Victoria, 3220range of ciders Edge Geelong @EdgeBarGeelong for Eastern a great time. summer evening. The pub has an extensive flavoured range to the mix. Not to mention the ol’ faithful Bulmers Original for the loyal. menu and the reno’ has left it somewhere Aireys Inlet is literally one of the best towns The Edge team love nothing more than seeing Geelong Waterfront come alive over the between a restaurant and a pub. There is still in the world and a place Forte had proudly summer months, so get down there, enjoy your sunshine from their deck and let them plenty of area to have a beer if that’s what distributed magazines for over 20 years! We share their summer cheer. Find Edge open day and night at 6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. your after. Ala Grecque is more top end, it is love Aireys Inlet and hope to successfully right across the road from the pub and it has distribute there for the next 20 years!

CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR WEEKEND @ It has a much more down to earth Vibe than the bigger towns along the coast and has some wonderful little beaches down its gravel roads. Sunny Mead, Hut Gully and ‘The Inlet’ (not as good for swimming) all have their own charming features. Don’t bother asking a local where ‘Sunny Mead’ is though - they won’t give up the secret. The centre piece of Airey’s Inlet is its Lighthouse, yes - the one used in Round the Twist. Please don’t ask me how they fitted that lounge room in the Lighthouse though - all I saw when I went in there was a flight of steps.

RIDAY 28 DECEMBER 2012 – TUESDAY 1ST JANUARY 2013

Live music and DJs all weekend | Prime viewing position for NYE 9.15pm & Midnight fireworks Open all day for breakfast, lunch and dinner over the whole long weekend | Free entry (03)

Edge

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TALK OF THE TOWN! ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Peking Duk Sounds Tasty Hailing from our nation’s capital, Peking Duk comes with a simple promise: “Peking Duk not only tastes good, but it sounds even better.” The electronic music duo has fast become hot property but things could have been a whole lot different. One half is Adam Hyde and the other Reuben Styles. Both were at the same college with Reuben in an indie rock band and Hyde recording hip hop. Then in 2009 they turned 18 and the nightclub world beckoned. It was here where the young guns had their eyes opened to a new sound. In their short life they have taken to the stage of various festivals and their track ‘I Love to Rap’ shot straight to the ARIA Top 10 Club Chart. Hear how good they taste at Toast, Geelong on December 26.

The Datsuns Roll Out New Zealand rock ‘n’ rollers The Datsuns have hit town in support of their swanky new album, Death Rattle Boogie. Despite the cheeky love / hate relationship that can exist between Australia and our TransTasman friends, there is nothing but love for The Datsuns. Formed in 2000, the band released their self-titled debut in 2002.

The British press called it “the future of rock” and Australia was as kind with their praise. Death Rattle Boogie is album number five, an album which was recorded around the world from Gutterview Studio in Stockholm to Neil Finn’s Roundhead Studio in Aotearoa. Members too have been living in different parts of the world (Sweden, London and New Zealand) but nothing quite unites like rock ‘n’ roll. The Karova, Ballarat – December 19.

TOO HEAVY

TO HUG PAUL S TAYLOR

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier source of all things heavy, hard, fast and metal.

Holy crap would you look at the date! It’s f*cking December already which means it’s time to get prepared for the inaugural THTH Top 5 of 2012.

This year has been crammed full of masterful metallic releases and if you don’t believe me or have forgotten then, come, now, let’s re-hash some of what we saw hit the ye’ olde music record shops.

Biohazard kick off January and the year with their release Reborn In Defiance ahead of their Soundwave 2012 tour. Lamb Of God and Lacuna Coil released their albums on the same day. In February Psycroptic released The Inherited Repression, Isis released a live album while Earth, Orange Goblin and Napalm Death all had releases.

March featured releases from Cannibal Corpse, Soulfly, Meshuggah and Iron Maiden released another live set, En Vivo!. April gave us releases from Emmure, Job For A Cowboy, DragonForce and Paradise Lost. May was a little quiet but Burzum, Storm Corrosion and Six Feet Under all had albums hit the shelves.

June was a biggie with Kreator, Fear Factory, Rush, Spineshank, Whitechapel, Gojira and Marduk all vying for attention. July wasn’t as big but featured Nile, Baroness, Periphery, Serj Tankian and Om. In August we got to lay our hands on releases from Steve Vai, Fozzy, and Katatonia while September gave us albums from Vision Of Disorder, The Devin Townsend Project, Blut Aus Nord and Sybreed.

October was another biggie with Dethklok, Machineae Supremacy, The Sword, Pig Destroyer, Cradle Of Filth, Stone Sour, Neurosis and Dark Tranquility unleashing records. While in November, we saw a Deftones release amongst a pile of live recordings and compilations.

So, there you have it. Just a quick trip down memory lane and if I celebrated Thanksgiving or whatever the hell it is, I’d be thankful for every album released. Even the shit ones.

But the big news of the year goes to Lamb Of God’s Randy Blythe who is still caught up in a legal matter with the Czech Republic legal system. He will have to return to the country that imprisoned him earlier this year to face a trial to determine if he is guilty of manslaughter.

If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug Paul S Taylor

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chris cruz Emo/Screamo/whatever combo Alexisonfire have released a brand new EP on the eve of their farewell tour. It’s title is Death Letter, and it’s available now on iTunes. Riveting stuff.

Melbourne outfit Take Your Own, are currently on hiatus after the sudden departure of their drummer. Their debut album, Open Water, will see the light of day in the new year.

The second annual Up The Punx! festival will be taking place at Melbourne venue Revolver Upstairs on March 2nd. Confirmed to be appearing so far: Topnovil, Strawberry Fist Cake, Hopes Abandoned, Batfoot! and Fatty Esther. Last years’ event absolutely packed out the Tote, and this one is bound to be huge.

Ticketing and finalised lineup details TBA, so stay tuned, kids.

Matt Skiba and the Secrets, featuring Alkaline Trio’s Matt Skiba, funnily enough!) have a brand new EP available in time for the silly season. Haven’t You is available digitally right now.

Emo pioneers Saves The Day are just the latest band to start asking fans for money to make their next record via the Kickstarter website and similar sites. Eskimo Joe, Coheed & Cambria and even Ben Folds Five.

Embarrassing is NOT the word. My advice?

Don’t give ‘em any money and hope they just quietly go away.

90s pop punk Melbourne band Game Over will be local support to the Descendents/ Bouncing Souls/Frenzal Rhomb and Bodyjar tour when it rolls into town in February.

Dozens of middle aged teenage Game Over fans must be absolutely shitting themselves with excitement!

Speaking of which, New Found Glory have just released an acoustic Christmas EP. On limited edition cassette only. Five songs to tide the fans over while they spend 2013 on vacation.

Anti Flag have a brand new 7” out called Bacon. It’s available on bacon shaped picture disc vinyl. And no, I am NOT kidding.

Stupidest new punk sub-genre of the week: Twinklecore. Championed by a band with quite possibly the stupidest name ever: The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die. Seriously. FML indeed.

And on that note, I’m outta here!

toot toot toots

By Natalie Rogers

They describe their sound as 60’s spaghetti western, telling tales of wild, heady times gone by, backed by an impressive array of instruments and joined on stage by a troop of flamboyant go-go dancers. They are the Toot Toot Toots and they are bringing their unique show to a town near you.

I spoke to front man Dan Eucalyptus whilst currently on another wild ride across the country as part of their Pre-Apocalypse tour: “All of the shows on this tour so far have gone really well”, Dan recalls. “The Rock It Festival was a lot of fun. That was the first time we have played over in W.A and it was absolutely fantastic.”

Recently the Toots (along with Dan are Bez Berry – lead guitar, Steve Gavan – bass player, Dyfan Thomas - drums, Giuliano Ferla – percussion, trombone, vocals) played an unforgettable performance at the Melbourne Showground, as halftime entertainment at the grand final of the Victorian Roller Derby League. “The roller derby was something else,” Dan laughs, “I’ve never experienced anything like that before. It’s actually a great sport, pretty brutal but.”

That’s just another day at the office for Dan and the guys since forming on a whim one night to help out a friend: “I was mates with all the guys before we started and we kind of started as a joke,” Dan explains. “Another friend of mine needed someone to open for him and we weren’t a band at the time, but I just gathered up as many friends as I could and we rehearsed a few times and we all had so much fun doing it, so it all just started from there,”says Dan. In just three years these doom country rockers have released two concept albums: an EP Curse the Crow and an LP Outlaws, both of which have received rave reviews. The appeal of writing and recording concept records began early: “Giuliano and I have done a bit of acting and we both completed a Performing Arts degree at uni. That’s where we became interested in writing and performing plays and we enjoy writing narratives and even

When&Where: Decemmber 21 - The Barwon Club, Geelong & December 22 - The Loft, Warrnambool musicals,” Dan continued. “We all write the songs collectively - generally someone will come to rehearsal with an idea and everyone will put in their two cents and by the end it will be something completely different. Everyone is into different types of music and I think that explains why we have a large scope in what we play - we are pretty eclectic.”

Always a creative, energetic bunch, the Toots are currently working on their second LP while on tour. “We are starting to write the new album and we haven’t really road-tested any of the new songs yet, so it’s very early days and some are still half songs. The idea is we are going to base it on Dante’s Inferno or the Divine Comedy, which is an epic poem. So the idea is that it’s going to be a road trip (kind of like Thelma and Louise) through the inferno, the lesser sins are on the outside, and the devil is in the centre of hell. We want to convey that through songs on the album.”

Finishing up for the year with a show at Warrnambool’s favourite live music venue The Loft, Dan says he and the guys are planning something special: “A real mixture of our two albums, a bit of haphazard rock and roll - you will drink, dance and have fun.” Toot on!

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TALK OF THE TOWN! ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Splendid Summer Sundays Quick bite: Soak up some great sounds and enjoy a lazy Sunday at the Ballarat Botanical Gardens’ Summer Sundays early in the New Year. Taking place each weekend throughout January, Summer Sundays will serve up a fine collection of tunes including Ballarat’s own Bobby Ballinger & his Safari. Melbourne’s Gypsy Brown will also be a special guest. The funk / Latin ensemble has members that have performed with artists including U2, BB King, Renee Geyer and John Butler.

Summer Sundays kick off January 6.

Northlane Take the World

.........................................................................

Ennui Breathes Malice Quick bite: As you probably already know Ennui Breathes Malice are unable to play their show at The Karova, Ballarat on December 16 as member Ashley Dunne is still recovering from a motorcycle accident.

They are hoping to put together another local show as soon as possible but in the meantime you will have to make do with your iPod tunes. You can say ‘Hi’ or ‘What the hell, really?

God-damn drummers’ through .facebook.com/ EnnuiBreathesMailce. .........................................................................

Bobby Vena Christmas Quick bite: If you don’t get what you want for Christmas then at least you will find a late Christmas present in Bobby Vena who hits the Barwon Heads Hotel on December 26. Vena’s production credits feature on the set-lists and radio shows of artists including David Guetta, Afrojack, Steve Aoki, and Grant Smillie while his floor filling track ‘Let’s Go All In’ (featuring Livingstone) recently cracked the UK Upfront Club Chart Top 10. Dance yourself silly this Boxing Day. .........................................................................

Rock on Richard Perso Ah, young, talented people. Don’t you just hate them? I jest, of course. 21-year-old Richard Perso is a singer-songwriter and multi-instrumentalist who is destined for bigger and better things. And considering he performed at 24 festivals last year

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Early next year the WorldEater tour will set out to prove it’s a world beater when it comes to delivering hardcore music. Leading the assault is Northlane, a band that has fast become hot property within the hardcore and metal scenes. The band released their debut album Discoveries last year in November and over a year later the album is still being talked about. Since its release they have supported bands including Parkway Drive, August Burns Red, and House Vs Hurricane, and next year they’ll be part of Soundwave. Playing a juicy 15 shows in 17 days, the band will be joined by In Hearts Wake and Endless Heights. You can check out a video of Northlane talking about the tour through YouTube. Mechanics Institute, Ballarat – January 19 (AA) & Kulcha Shift, Warrnambool – January 21 (AA).

and 23 this year, lord knows how high he is going to fly. It’s not just the large stage he performs on. In between festival gigs you will see him cosy up to the small stage where his show is no less impressive.

In fact, you have to wonder how he does it. Often armed with three didgeridoos and four guitars, not to mention how he uses his feet to replace the role of a drummer, Perso can be exhaustive to watch.

Recently returning from recording his second album in New York, Richard takes on Martians Café, Deans Mash on December 28. .........................................................................

Geoff Achison Frets Geoff Achison plays one mean guitar. That is the cold, hard truth. He developed a passion for the American blues at an early age and taught himself to play on a beat-up guitar he found under the stairs of his family home. In his early 20s he was snapped up by Melbourne’s blues band top dog Dutch Tilders & The Blues Club where he spent five years. Seeking to explore his own musical ideas, he left the band to form The Souldiggers.

Speaking about the group he says, “The idea was to have a name that described the music and I

greatly admired the blues philosophy – tapping into one’s soul for honesty and truth. That’s what ‘Souldiggers’ is meant to convey.”

Cremorne Hotel, Geelong – December 16 & Great Ocean Hotel, Apollo Bay – December 22. .........................................................................

Bluestone Blues Festival The Bluestone Blues Festival is creeping up and if you don’t yet know what’s going down, read on.

The festival is held at Murgheboluc Public Reserve, around 20 minutes from Geelong. Brought to you by the Sleepy Hollow Blues Club in partnership with Taste, the festival kicks off on New Year’s Eve afternoon and into New Year’s Day. It’s a pretty small affair – around 500 or so will be in attendance – and a very chilled out way to spend the New Year period. The New Year’s Eve line-up is Lloyd Spiegel, The Three Tones, Paulie Bignell & the Thornbury Two, Marco Goldsmith Duo and Dukesy & The Hazzards, while the New Year’s Day line-up features Hatsapella, Oozin’ Blues, Chris Wilson Band and Jimi Hocking. Bookings and all the answers to your questions can be found through sleepyhollowbluesclub.org.au.

So Frenchy, So Chic So Frenchy So Chic In The Park returns to the Werribee Park Mansion on January 20 next year and in case you are not up to speed here is the dealio. So Frenchy So Chic brings a touch of France to town. And the French have given the world some fine things including antibiotics, cinema, Braille, and Marion Cotillard. Here, however, you have a celebration of the finest in French music, food and wine. The music will be provided by the supremely talented Melanie Pain (Nouvelle Vague), Carmen Maria Vega, Revolver and Nadéah. Melanie is no stranger to our shores having toured here eight times, twice in solo mode. She has released two wonderful albums: My Name and Bye Bye Manchester. Let us not forget the French do food very well too and there will be plenty of tasty treats on offer as well as a drink or two to wash it down. For all you need to know hit cartellmusic.com.au.

Tour Diary

Cast Iron Pinata - Part II A rrived at “Dr. K,” an upstairs venue in the middle of an apartment block, and all these people living there came out to watch us load in. Our ‘g reen-room’ was in fact a boardroom, with a huge table and massive drawing pads on easels around the place. Played to a packed venue, with some of the friendliest people we’ve met so far. Played with a stoner-rock band called “Coogan’s Bluf f”, who were mind-blowing! Pepe took it upon himself to sit them down af ter the show and give them a lesson on Australia, using the drawing pads for drawing diagrams. Hilarious.

Friday 19/10 – Gunzburg, DE Monday 8/10 – Ostrava CZ

A rrive at “Club Barrak” around 7pm – we’re running late. The venue is on the third floor of this really old building, with a tiny manual elevator to use for loading – which everyone had a go of. Once you reach the third floor, it was hard to believe you were in the same building – great big bar, with huge stage and great sound. We had plenty of energy on stage, and the crowd really enjoyed it – a great show. Had a painfully slow check-in at the hotel af ter the show, with a lady who couldn’t speak a word of English. Cecil (from “Lord Bishop Rocks”) randomly remembered he had a translator on his iPhone, which he only used to tell the lady she had beautiful eyes.

Tuesday 9/10 – Ceske Budejovice CZ

A rrived at “Highway 61”, a tiny underground venue in the hometown of Budweiser beer!

Got told at really late notice that we needed to play a few covers that night, so we needed to practice. We grabbed our guitars and found a dark stairwell to practice in, and Khale picked up a broom and started brushing against the wall to make drum sounds. It all came together!

Saturday 13/10 – Schwerin, DE

Had yesterday of f af ter a string of 10 consecutive shows. Our day of f was in Hamburg though, so no time to be resting!

Woke up in Neuchatel, Switzerland to an amazing view of the Alps. Didn’t have any Swiss currency, so we had to cross the border into Germany before we could get breakfast. The one hour trip we were told about turned into 4 hours to get over the border af ter a bunch of wrong turns. A kebab has never tasted so good! Made it to “On the Rocks” in Gunz burg – looked like a real shack, but inside had a great band room. The owner spoke no English, but he cooked a mean Bratwurst!

Saturday 13/11 – Hilburghausen, DE – Our Last Show

Boomilla – our tour van – was about to hit 800,000kms, so we stopped at a fuel station and bought some cheap champagne in preparation. We couldn’t pull over to celebrate on the Autobahn, so we took an exit and drove aimlessly around the local streets for the last 10kms until it finally ticked over!

We all jumped out, and drenched each other in champagne while cheering and carrying on (much to the bewilderment of passers-by). Got to the venue – “Brumby” – which had a brand new room built just in time for the festival we were playing there that night. Played a fantastic last show – so much fun, and the crowd really lif ted our spirits and returned the energy we were giving of f. Lord Bishop Rocks played af ter us, so we dressed in Bishop’s merchandise, and crashed the stage mid-set, as you must do on the last show of a tour. A night we’ll always remember.

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looking forward to watching this festival grow over the coming years.”

Rockabilly is one of the earliest forms of rock ‘n’ roll.

It borrows its name from the rock in rock ‘n’ roll and hillbilly, a term associated with country music which was often called hillbilly in the 1940s and 1950s.

‘Rocket 88’, a song popularised by Bill Haley and the Saddlemen, is widely regarded one of the earliest rockabilly recordings. Bill Haley, this time with Bill Haley and His Comets, would make rockabilly ‘the sound’ in the mid 50s with their rendition of ‘Rock Around the Clock.’ It’s the rebellious energy that makes rockabilly what it is. Matsakos: “Rockabilly music is a faster tempo of rock and roll. The artist gets right into it on stage: upright bass, faster guitar riffs, entertaining frontman and faster songs.”

One man’s vision can take him a long way and in the case of Matsakos he has put together a stellar line-up for the festival’s inaugural event. He’s the right guy to fill you in. “Ballarat Beat has three artists from the USA: The Desperados, Omar Romero & The Stringpoppers and Bebo. These artists are from one of the best Rockabilly labels Wild Records. Real WILD Rockabilly! Additionally, CC Jerome’s Jetsetters from the Netherlands and 32 of Australia’s best swing, rockabilly, rock & roll and country swing bands.”

A bonus about having a vision played out is that you’re sometimes able to cross paths with those you admire. “Omar Romero would have to be one of my all time favorite musicians”, Arthur tells me. “Born in Ensenada, Mexico he has been playing guitar and singing since he was 14 years old. He formed his first band, The Screamin’ Solo Flights, in August of 1999.

They recorded two tracks on the Dig That Uranium Rock 10” record, both of which were instant club hits and received great reviews worldwide. Omar decided that his next band would take off in a new direction, a traditional, but wild rockabilly sound influenced by his Sun Records heroes and others: Hayden Thompson, Warren Smith, Tracy Pendarvis, Jackie Lee Cochran and Pat Cupp.” Hear that hooting now?

Ballarat Beat

Putting a gig like this together is no easy feat but there are two key elements that have made things run a little smoother: (1) Arthur is someone who thrives on a challenge and (2) He loves what he does.

“It’s been quite a fun challenge as I have been into the rockabilly and classic car scene for more than 30 years. Many of the bands are personal friends.

I know a lot of car clubs and bands worldwide and putting everything together to create a rockabilly festival has been a lot of fun. It’s really a passion of mine so it never feels like hard work! The hardest bit about running these festivals would have to be trying to decide what bands we are going to feature. This year at Ballarat Beat we have well over 30 bands.

It could have been a lot more as there are so many amazing musicians to choose from.”

Rockabilly Festival writen BY Wylie Caird

Can you hear that hooting and hollering? That is the sound of the Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival train bearing down on you. First you hear the hooting then you hear the hollering. You tap your right foot then your left foot. You click your fingers. You dip your knee. You shake your hips.

You kick out your legs. You’re in rockabilly town now. Placing Rockabilly front and centre, the festival will make its debut in February next year with a host of international and local rockabilly, swing, country-swing and rock ‘n’ roll kings and queens. It’s the hottest ticket in town, daddio.

The cat behind the festival is Arthur Matsakos, a name which has become synonymous with rockabilly thanks to the Camperdown Cruise Rockabilly Festival. So, how did the Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival come about? Arthur Matsakos gives us the rundown, taking us back to day one.

“It all started in Camperdown Victoria at my Classic Car restoration shop, Relic restorations. The Festival started in 2006 as a $200 BBQ with The Fuelers Car Club- a mere 15 classic cars and 20 people. In its second year 150 Classic Cars turned up and in the third year I had so much interest I put a couple of bands on and hired the local theatre. This was the birth of Camperdown Cruise Rockabilly Festival. In six short years Camperdown

Cruise Rockabilly Festival has become Australia’s best and largest Rockabilly festival.”

Rockabilly, it seems, is alive and well in Australia so it is only natural for Arthur to think a little bigger.

“With the huge success of Camperdown Cruise, we were on the lookout for another (larger) city to host an additional festival which would allow us more variance in music (keeping Camperdown a Rockabilly only event), more room to accommodate weekend travellers and a location close enough to Melbourne for the day trippers. In 2011 Ballarat Regional Tourism approached me and the Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival was founded. We have formed a great relationship with Ballarat and we’re

There is more to this dealio than music. The Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival is a family-friendly affair with over 50 trade stalls, fashion parades, swing and rockabilly dance lessons, Kustom Lane Lowbrow art exhibition and burlesque. You know the history.

You know the sounds. So, what do organisers hope to achieve? “We aim to give music lovers the opportunity to see some of the best rockabilly bands in the world while transporting them back to another era! When you attend any of the Rockabilly King Productions events, you will feel like you’re stepping back in time to the 50s surrounded by vehicles, fashion and sounds of the era.” Sounds like a blast.

What you need to know: Ballarat Beat takes place in Ballarat from February 15 to February 17. A weekend pass will cost you $120 while a day pass will set you back $60. If you are heading to Ballarat from elsewhere, hit up the Ballarat Visitor Information Centre on 1800 44 66 33 or www.visitballarat.com.au. For a full festival rundown hit ballaratbeat.com.au. The Ballarat Beat Rockabilly Festival is brought to you by Rockabilly King Productions.

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tweet of the week

INSIDE SPLINTERS PRESENTS...

GIRLS ALOUD’S “TEN”

THE GREATEST HITS COLLECTION

the splinters top 10 GIRLS ALOUND SONGS!

Available in-stores right across Australia now. Meanwhile, we’re heading over to the UK in March to report on the girls’ exciting comeback tour.

KE$HA’S “WARRIOR”

The new album is fierce and features guest vocals from Iggy Pop.

BLONDIE LIVE IN CONCERT

Performing Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s “Relax” – and dedicating to Ron Jeremy – was an obvious highlight.

MARIAH CAREY

gave you everything, I even wore your ring”, there’s very little in this complete masterpiece of a pop song that doesn’t leave you for dead, slayed beyond conceivable existence.

That’s what we’ve really missed about Girls Aloud. Not just the little things they bring to the proverbial table that make them the greatest pop group since ABBA, but that undeniable ability to rip you apart into a million pieces with 4 minutes of song whilst still remind you that, no matter how heartbreaking the situation is, they are stronger than the hurt any man could throw at them.

Girls Aloud have always sung about matters from the heart but there’s been this strong feminist approach to a lot of their lyrics over the years. “Never ever going back,” they sing in the chorus to ‘Every Now & Then’, “I said I never would again. It’s better now that we’re

01. E very Now & Then Beyond.

02. Biology Although most would argue that “Call The Shots” is the best Girls Aloud single, we’d argue that it’s not as good as this absolute jam from 2005, and their highest charting single in Australia.

apart, but I still think about you every now and then.” There’s this acknowledged melancholy in not only the lyric but the way it’s sung, but not before a statement of their strength and survival is thrown in for good measure. It’s nice we’ve still got some girls in charge who are still hell-bent on putting the boys in their place with their songs of empowerment, as opposed to the current trend where a large portion of our female pop stars are poppin’ pu$$ ‘in da club’ and whailing about guys going down on them or, even worse, singing about how their relationship with a person who beat, kicked and bit the living shit out of them in a song called “Nobody’s Business.” No, not Girls Aloud. Because that would not only label them as hypocrites, it would also reverse the power of their name and serve as an undoing to all of the hard work they’ve constructed over the last 10 years.

As something of an afterthought, Mimi decides at the eleventh hour that she actually will be coming to Melbourne, when most of the fans from Melbourne have bought tickets to either the Sydney or Brisbane show. The “intimate” show hits locally on January 4, with front row tickets sitting at $700 AUD.

RIHANNA

Gurl we tired, you need a 2-year-minimum nap and some general etiquette classes.

Spiked heels and skin-tight jeans, they got a fistful of love that’s coming your way.

Written by Adem with an E.

even appears on the deluxe 2-disc edition of Ten. 05. Something New We girls gonna run this show!

06. S omething Kinda Ooooh!

Featuring the flawless lyric “Jumping on my Tutu.”

07. Sexy! No No No...

Xenomania at their disjointed best, make sure you YouTube the video for a stunning assault to the eyes.

08. The Promise Their first #1 single since their 2004 cover of “I’ll Stand By You”, this was also the single that won

them their very first BRIT Award.

09. G raffiti My Soul “Your kisses taste of cyanide and that’s no good for me – I need a walkin’ talkin’ mannequin that simply folds away, and never questions anything I’ve got to say.” Flawless album track from 2004’s “What Will The Neighbours Say?” 10. Swinging London Town This album track from 2005’s “Chemistry” (their greatest L.P.) comes up trumps – taking the mickey out of the higher class of London, with their “jokefuelled ego’s.” Proper mental.

SHIT!

04. Memory Of You This (mainly) Kimberley fronted track was actually a b-side but swiftly became a massive fan favourite, so much so it

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BRITNEY & will.i.am’s “SCREAM & SHOUT”

GIRLS ALOUD’S “TEN”

03. Call The Shots M elancholy dancepop at its finest.

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HIT OR SHIT!

A run-down of the video? Britney opens in an English accent, then makes baphomet horn symbols with her hands, all before that eerie chant from the Stonecutters episode of The Simpson’s engulfs the chorus.

Just in case you needed a reminder that symbols allegedly rule our world.

But it’s the four new songs that we’re all really here for, isn’t it?

The first time in years that all five of these holy voices join forces once more for new recordings, recordings which play out with the exact same ferocity and standing-legend as the other bundled hits like “Biology”, “Call The Shots”, “The Promise” and “Sexy!

No No No.” New single “Something New” is a swift kick in the nuts to the male domination through the British charts since the girls’ departure, particularly boy bands like One Direction and The Wanted, with the tellingly cheeky lyric “Coz’ we’re the leaders of the pack! Boy you better watch your back!” The song is disjointed euphoria; classic Xenomania. The exciting “On The Metro” – penned by Aloud’s Nicola Roberts – is immediate fourto-the-floor bliss with Queen Nadine Coyle reigning supreme in the vocals. Ballad and next single “Beautiful ‘Cause You Love Me” may not be the firecracker of a second single that fans were expecting but it is, nonetheless, a nice enough ballad that’s not entirely dreadful.

Of the four new tracks on TEN, none is perhaps as precious as the four-minute-plus epic Eurodance romp “Every Now and Then.” Driving the five-piece straight into classic Xenomania territory with one of their most forward-thinking productions since The Saturdays’ “All Fired Up” (and, naturally so, the exceptionally better of the two) – and it’s not just the stunning levels of production that clench this as a hallmark Aloud moment.

Not since “Call The Shots” have Girls Aloud really nailed this kind of song; deep, soul-wrenching heartbreak with both feet firmly placed onto the dance floor. “Untouchable” was certainly close, but of the former two mentioned singles (both of which appear on this stunning Greatest Hits set), we’d even go as far as saying that “Every Now and Then” is the stronger and better track. This sublime, bittersweet song of the heart deals with a subject we’d all be familiar with and ensures the listener embarks on a rollercoaster of emotions upon its first listen. There’s also the matter of a whopping key-change that comes into play just as you think you’ve got the song figured out, just as you think you’ve nailed what the chorus sounds like. Within its first minute the track shifts into overdrive, wallops itself into a higher key, before serving the lessors with the actual chorus, which is a million times better and more satisfying than you could have ever imagined. Little inflictions, like when Nadine croakily sings “I knew it from the start” – and sounds like she’s on the verge of a mini-meltdown – to Cheryl’s gut-wrenchingly telling line “I

@mynewsocks leaves us – and The X Factor US’ Demi Lovato - for dead this week.

HIT

It’s been ten eventful years in the history of Girls Aloud since they were propelled into fame via the UK reality hit “Popstars: The Rivals.” The band, often labelled by the media as “the only time the voting public have gotten it right”, are a no bullshit five-piece girl band that shook pop’s foundations with their debut single “Sound of the Underground” and proceeded to win the hearts of millions as the years progressed. Massive singles like “No Good Advice” (a song which, in its original form, comes complete with the iconic lyric “Shut your mouth because your shit might show”) and a pairing with the greatest songwriting factory since the Stock/Aitken/Waterman days, Xenomania, immediately shifted them out of their manufactured pop image and intertwined it with female punk authenticity not seen since Deborah Harry’s glory days in Blondie. There was – and still is – something undeniably magic about Girls Aloud, and TEN, their latest Greatest Hits collection, does a great job of encapsulating all of their greatest moments onto the one disc.

“ Humidity ruins everything. I’m wetter than Demi Lovato googling breadsticks.”

THE CITY LIGHTS Christmas 101: Be sure that when you re-gift that crappy present you received last year that you don’t give it to the crappy person who gave you said crappy gift. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Hermitude Hyped Up Hermitude will spend the first part of 2013 playing a few shows around the country. In February this year the duo released their fourth album HyperParadise and the release continues to do very well. The album scored itself a J Award nomination and has spawned three singles, the latest of which is ‘The Villain’. Hermitude are Luke Dubber (aka Luke Dubs) and Angus Stuart (aka Elgusto). The Corner – February 1. .........................................................................

José James Gets Zen Minneapolis-born, New York-based vocalist José James will return to Australia early in 2013. Blending modern jazz, hip hop and R&B, James decided early in the piece that he didn’t want to be pigeonholed. Opening himself up to all possibilities, James has collaborated with artists including bebop legend McCoy Tyner and electronic artist Flying Lotus. No Beginning No End is his latest. The Hi-Fi – February 22. .........................................................................

Gold Fields in the Sun Sometimes a band comes along where things will happen in a big way straight away. Ballarat five-piece Gold Fields is one such band. The band’s single ‘Treehouse’ found a large and loving audience and they were soon showcasing in the UK. Locally, times were just as good with the band supporting a host of artists. Their debut long-player Black Sun is coming early 2013. The Espy – December 31 & Billboard – January 22. .........................................................................

The Seekers Turn 50 50 years ago, in a little coffee shop in Melbourne, The Seekers performed for the first time. The folkinfluenced pop group would become the first Australia band to achieve major chart success and sales in both the UK and US. Songs including ‘Georgy Girl’,

‘I’ll Never Find Another You’, and ‘What Have They Done to the Rain’ would help them sell in excess of 50 million albums. Hamer Hall – May 14. .........................................................................

The Tallest Man on Earth The name Kristian Matsson may not be the most familiar of music names but his alter ego The Tallest Man on Earth would ring more bells. Due to his songwriting and vocal style, the Swedish songman has drawn comparisons to Bob Dylan. He has released three albums since 2006, rarely recording them as separately tracked performances. His latest effort is 2012’s There’s No Leaving Now. Recital Hall – February 28. .........................................................................

Dub FX Gets Mouthy Once upon a time a Melbourne lad named Benjamin Stanford discovered he had some pretty fine beat boxing skills. He would head to the UK and, under the moniker Dub FX, generate a legion of fans through his YouTube videos. Over 70 million views later, and with friends around the globe, the musical mouthed-man is returning home and he is bringing fiancée Flower Fairy with him. The Hi-Fi – January 25. .........................................................................

Stillwater Giants Fly High With a delicate balance of dreamy coastal pop and thundering rock, WA’s Stillwater Giants have already won over their home state and are now looking to win over the rest of the country. The band recently released EP Fly Under the Radar but the title doesn’t do their career to date justice. They have already supported some of Australia’s finest and made their mark at various festivals. John Curtin – December 15. .........................................................................

The Waterboys Debut In a career which began 30 years ago, Scottish outfit The Waterboys will tour Australia for the first time early in the New Year. It was in 1983 when the band was formed by Mike Scott. 10 years later they disbanded but in 2000 reformed. Known for fusing Celtic folk music with rock ‘n’ roll, the band has inspired artists including Eddie Vedder, Johnny Goudie and Colin Meloy. Hamer Hall – January 30.

MELBOURNE Clairy Browne Vs Saskwatch Clairy Brown & the Bangin’ Rackettes will go toe to toe with Saskwatch at The Hi-Fi on December 29 in a night of big soul tunes that will transport you to another time. CBBR licensed their song ‘Love Letter’ to a Heineken ad (YouTube it) which has America and the Netherlands discovering their boom-boom sound.

Saskwatch has had a year where they have popped up at festivals from Golden Plains to the Edinburgh Fringe. .........................................................................

Boogie’s 7th Heaven Taking place at Bruzzy’s Farm in Tallarook, Boogie Festival 7 is a countryside boutique festival that proves big things can come in small packages. With numbers capped at 1,500, you will find plenty of room to enjoy the sounds of Kitty, Daisy & Lewis, Tony Joe White, Henry Wagons & His Grand Ole Boogvegas Spectacle, Velociraptor, Don Walker & The Suave Fucks, Good Heavens, Little Bastard, Jeremy Neale, Super Wild Horses, Benjamin Francis Leftwich, The Preatures, Mother & Son, and Dirt Farmer. March 29 – 31. Hit boogie.net.au for more. .........................................................................

Falls Gets Bigger The Falls Festival has added a stack more names to their arts line-up so if you are a ticket holder, your gifts keep on coming. Joining the crew will be (in alphabetical order no less) Bad Taste, BJ Morrizonkle, Brite Flight, Jeremy Farquar, Karaoke Falls, Made For Chickens By Robots, Madeline Tucker, Mucs, Neil Portenza, Sunny The Magosipher, 10 Minute Dance Parties, The Beep Test of Imaginary Human Beings, The Brass Knuckle Band, The Cactus Channel, The Great Boy Wonder, Willis Earl Beal and When Claude Met Roxy. .........................................................................

Summadayze are Here Melbourne’s ultimate way to keep the New Year celebrations going, Summadayze, has become a little bigger with the second announcement of artists.

Junior Jack and Kid Crème, Sam & The Womp, Andrew Wyatt (performing with Mark Ronson), TJR, John 00 Fleming, Arnej, First State, Omnia, Sun City and Stillwater Giants will join The Chemical Brothers, M.I.A, Mark Ronson, Kimbra and many more at the Myer Music Bowl on January 1.

Seth Lakeman Tales English folk singer-songwriter and multiinstrumentalist Sake Lakeman is heading to our shores next year for a string of dates which include many a festival appearance including Melbourne’s Brunswick Music Festival (March 14). The Mercury Music Prize nominated songman released his latest solo album, Tales from the Barrel House, last year. He has also been a member of several ensembles.

Shawn Colvin Falling Down Festivals always provide music lovin’ folk with plenty of sideshows and Bluesfest is no exception. Heading to our shores for next year’s festival will be Americana folk country songwoman, Shawn Colvin. Colvin entered the folk circuit in Illinois and San Francisco and released her first album, Steady On, in 1989.

The multi-Grammy winner released her latest, All Fall Down, this year. The Corner – April 1.

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Go the chook with Nando’s Catering.

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FILM REVIEWS

written by anthony morris

The Man With The Iron Fists When it comes to martial arts movies, there’s no bigger fan than the RZA. He was the driving force behind The Wu-Tang Clan’s mix of kung fu imagery and hip hop, his work in movie soundtracks (including the music for Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill films) has shown the consistent influence of 70s movie scores, and now with The Man With The Iron Fists he’s finally gotten around to making a martial arts film of his own. It turns out his love of the genre is something of a mixed blessing: he definitely knows what he’s doing here, but at time it feels like his love of, and respect for, the genre he’s working in prevents him from really letting loose the way this film occasionally seems set to. It’s mid 19th century China and Jungle village – so named because it’s constantly being fought over by various animal-themed gangs – is more dangerous than ever. After accepting a job to guard a large shipment of gold, the leader of the Lion clan was murdered by his two underlings, who plan to steal the gold when it passes through town.

While the murdered clan leader’s son Zen-Yi (Rick Zune) races back to town with his suit of knives-sprouting armour, the Lion clan attack the rival Hyena clan while cozing up to the madam of the local brothel, Madam Blossom (Lucy Lui).

Boozy British mercenary Jack Knife (an enjoyably hammy Russell Crowe) is in town (and Blossom’s brothel) for reasons of his own, while another thug for hire who can turn his body into brass (David Bautista) is causing even more trouble.

In the middle of all this is Thaddeus (RZA, who tailors his low key character to his limited acting ability), a blacksmith who makes his money supplying all sides with weapons, and uses that money to help buy his girlfriend – who works at Blossom’s brothel – her freedom. There’s a lot more twists ahead: suffice to say, the Blacksmith can’t stay neutral forever and a whole lot of people are going to end up dead as a result. Usually attempts to bring this kind of film into the 21st century focus on upping the action ante, so this looks like it’s going to be a lot crazier than it turns out to be (though it is pretty crazy in parts), and the insanely over-the-top action this kind of film promises also never quite manages to materialise (though there are some pretty impressive fights scattered throughout this film). Instead, the RZA (and co-writer Eli Roth) keep things surprisingly traditional, with a plot-based focus on the various doubledealings and alliances between over-the-top characters rather than going for forty-minute fight sequences. The result isn’t exactly a let-down, but it is more a film for hardcore kung fu film fans than those looking to be blown away.

Pitch Perfect If you’re a living, breathing human being, then the idea of watching a movie that claims a capella singing is what the cool kids are into is bound to send a shiver down your spine – and not, in this world where Glee has been a joke for a few years now, in a good way. Fortunately, Pitch Perfect has a pretty good idea of where a capella singing stands in the real world, and with an opening where one of the singers of all-girl group The Bellas, throws up on stage during the big final they let us know that while the stakes may be high, the tone is never going to be too serious. Things pick up the year after The Bella’s disastrous finals campaign, with a recruitment drive on the campus of Barden University best described as “pathetic”. For some reason, Barden is a university where a capella singing is a big deal (well, amongst those who aren’t jocks, brains or actually cool), and the Bella’s rivals, the actually successful and entertaining Treble Makers, aren’t afraid to lord it over the struggling Bellas. Enter Beca (Anna Kendrick), an aspiring music producer only going to university under pressure from her lecturer father and with no desire whatsoever to join the Bellas despite an aggressive recruiting pitch from this high-strung Aubrey (Anna Camp) and easy-going Chole (Brittany Snow). In a move that surprises no-one she eventually joins the somewhat rag-tag Bellas, who now include a girl who speaks in whispers, a sex maniac, a couple of quiet girls who presumably are the ones who really can sing, and Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson). Various musical hijinks ensue. If you’ve ever seen a dance movie you have a pretty good idea of who all this is going to play out, right down to the plot “twist” where a character’s knowledge of modern day developments on “the streets” is combined with the more traditional version to create a competition-winning hybrid. But it turns out singing is easier to fake than dancing, so the cast is better, the script has more jokes and the romance angle is… well, that’s as clunky as usual, and having a couple of snarky judges (Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins), cracking wise during the tournaments doesn’t pay off anywhere near as well as it did in Best in Show, which is where they got the idea. But overall this is decent lightweight fun that’s slightly better than you might expect – unless, of course, you actually like music, in which case the butchering of numerous songs that goes on here with these soul-less cover versions will send you running for the exits.

Here Comes The Boom When Warrior came out in 2011, how many people watching it thought “yeah, this is good and everything, but this grim tale of a high school teacher forced to become a mixed marshal arts fighter just to make ends meet would be a heck of a lot better if it was a wacky comedy based around getting hit in the balls”? You wouldn’t have thought all that many, and yet here we are in 2012 and Here Comes The Boom is that non-existent person’s deepest dream come true.

Scott Voss (Kevin James) is an aging slob who teaches biology at a Boston High school that’s rapidly running out of money. When cutbacks mean the music department and its head teacher (Henry Winkler, who once again proves he can get real laughs given half a chance) are set for the boot, Voss decides to raise the money to save them by taking on a second job as a mixed martial arts fighter, even though his fighting style is best described as “flabby shirtless punching bag”. This results in a lot of attention from the school nurse (Salma Hayek), which suits Voss just fine, and while there is literally zero suspense in any of the plot developments here this does manage to be a moderately likable comedy all the same. It’s easy (and fun) to take cheap shots at the Adam Sandler style of comedy, especially at the moment when Sandler himself seems to have forgotten what it was that made him such a big star. But this kind of solid, unambitious, unspectacular comedy can still get the job done when it comes to laughs, and while this doesn’t exactly come off as a well-oiled comedy machine – a lot of the jokes are duds and a lot of the scenes feel thrown together – James is still likable enough to carry it over the line.

F ILM WRAP

Skyfall Bond is back in his Bond-iest adventure in ages. Yes, that means this isn’t as dour and gritty as the last two Daniel Craig films. No, that doesn’t mean this isn’t a great Bond film that delivers just about everything you could ask for.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn pt 2 The Twilight saga comes to an exhausted close, but there’s just enough fun and / or strange moments here to make this yet another watchable instalment of this moderately consistent (only the second one was really bad) series

Perks of Being a Wallflower It’s teen angst time as a high school loser with a long of issues befriends a group of older drama students and learns to live again. Unfortunately, he does this while appearing in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but you can’t win them all.

Red Dawn This remake of the 80s teen action film about an invaded USA strips out all the Cold War tension and replaces it with not much.

Which sums up this film as a whole really.

Fun Size A teenage girl and her best friend spend Halloween looking for her obnoxious little brother. At one stage a giant statue of a chicken mimes having sex with a car. That’s a highpoint.

The Session A man all but paralysed all his life by polio wants to have sex before he dies in this heartwarming and refreshingly frank film.

Which means, yes, Helen Hunt gets naked.

The Master

Trouble with the Curve The trouble with being Clint Eastwood is that these days you can’t just turn up to someone else’s movie and take a backseat – every movie Eastwood is in becomes a Clint Eastwood movie, even when, as is the case here, it’s directed by someone else and Eastwood’s character is (only just) a supporting role. Though that someone else directing is longtime Eastwood collaborator Robert Lorenz, and judging by the look and pace of the film a lot of Eastwood’s directing style has rubbed off on him. Like every character Eastwood’s played since Unforgiven, age is weighing heavily on Gus Lobel, though most haven’t started out with the barrage of age-related physical struggles that this one kicks off with, and to make matters worse now it seems like his eyes are starting to go on him – which is a problem, as Gus is a baseball scout, and being able to see the up-and-comers he judges is a vital part of his job. To make matters worse, back at head office his position is looking shaky: he’s old, baseball is all about statistics now, and office politics sees the one guy (John Goodman) who does support Gus pitched against a young hotshot (Matthew Lillard) gunning for the top job. So suddenly it’s really important that Gus makes the right call on this promising batter he’s been sent to check out – so important that Gus’ semi-estranged daughter Mickey (Amy Adams) is called in to keep an eye on him.

She’s not exactly happy about it, what with being in the middle of a high pressure case at her big time law firm, but once all the pieces are in place and all the stakes firmly outline the film gets to settle down and become a gentle, well-acted look at a father and daughter with more in common than they realise. It takes a little while to realise this leisurely paced film is as much Mickey’s story as Gus’s, but once that becomes clear the a lot of the film’s dramatic problems (Gus doesn’t really do all that much apart from be grumpy) vanish, leaving behind a lightweight but entertaining clash of characters with Justin Timberlake’s would-be baseball commentator / love interest providing some much needed levity. Eastwood’s grumpy, full of regrets character is the kind of thing he can do on autopilot but it works here, while Adams is the real stand out as someone shut off from herself. Eastwood’s name might bring you in, but hers is the performance you’ll remember.

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Joaquin Phoenix is more beast than man in post WWII America until he find himself on a boat belonging to the Phillip Seymour Hoffman, the leader of an organisation that isn’t Scientology. What follows isn’t so much a battle of wills as a compelling but opaque meeting of minds

Bachelorette Three women (Kristen Dunst, Ilsa Fisher, Lizzy Caplan) are roped into being bridesmaids for a friend (Rebel Wilson) they never really liked. A whole lot of hilarity ensures in this often darkly funny comedy.

Argo It’s 1980, the US Embassy in Iran has been taken over and the staff taken hostage. Only six staff have escaped to the Canadian Embassy. The CIA’s plan to get them up: pretend they’re a movie crew working on a fake film. Director and star Ben Affleck has turned this true story into one of the year’s best thrillers.

MUSIC REVIEWS live re v i e w

eps, albums & live reviews

live review

Izzy Losi and The Auracles EP Launch Beav’s Bar, GEELONG Saturday 16 November 2012

Queenscliff Music Festival QUEENSCLIFF 23-25 November 2012 Over recent years the Queenscliff Music Festival has solidified as a calendar staple amongst music lovers, revelers and families alike. Descending on the seaside town over the last weekend of November are some of the greatest and coolest acts Australia has to offer. Showcasing the big names, soon to be big names and names you should know, this year QMF ticked all the boxes.

Friday night was a glorious evening as the cool breeze rolled in so did the excitable punters. TZU impressed early getting the after-work crowd to forget their woes and kick up their heels. The evolution of this outfit has been an exciting one and their Friday night set truly highlighted their depth and diversity.

Speaking of diversity, it was then over to the Hippos Stage for legend Ian Moss. The packed tent rode every guitar solo with the star and sang along with gusto. A treat for Aussie rock lovers, indeed. Local up and comers King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard were up next on the Rip Stage, things got a little hairy when the set was stopped by the crowd safety officer, however, the issues were addressed and the boys continued. The eclectic audience enjoying every moment.

Luckily, on a late night food mission, we stumbled upon the Pelican Bar and caught the last two songs from Jackson Firebird – brilliant. Finally, for the first day of the festival, the Cat Empire took to the mainstage. A huge crowd bopped and clapped along – true festival champs they are.

Embracing the sun on Saturday afternoon, songstress Lisa Mitchell was first on our must-see list. Donning a full suit, (reminiscent of her outfit in the official video for ‘Bless this Mess’) despite the obvious heat Lisa provided a sweet and fun set.

For me though, Saturday was all about The Beards. Growing in popularity (Gotye even gave them a shout out in his Aria acceptance speech!) The Beards are certainly starting a follicle revolution in Australia. With crowdpleasers ‘You Should Consider Having Sex with a Bearded Man’ and ‘No Beard, No Good’ the punters bearded or not were completely swept up in the music and hairy frivolities. Taking a seat in preparation for Something for Kate we caught the end of Shannon Noll. His voice is really very good and his ability to win over a crowd was quite exceptional. Then Paul Dempsey and the rest of Something for Kate came on and trumped all who sang before them. Humble and gracious it was a delight to witness an accomplished band enjoy themselves so thoroughly. Professional to the hilt, what a pleasure this band are. A big fan of Timmy Rogers and You Am I, the prospect of seeing them was a big deal, yet unfortunately their set was a little bit off. It’s hard to articulate exactly what was off, but let’s just say Rogers was at his most unhinged. Appropriate or not for a family based festival is all relative but never the less he is always a spectacle and the band always fun.

The final day of QMF 2012 was a great way to finish a wonderful event and for me it ended on the ultimate high. For years I have watched and followed the career of British India. In my opinion they are responsible for some of the greatest and catchiest songs produced in Australia in recent times. They’re smart hardworking guys and their set at QMF showed they have what it takes to go as far as they wish to go.

Watching children dance along to ‘God is Dead (Meet the Kids)’ was totally surreal and adorable. I have seen this band a lot in my day but this set far outweighed what I have seen them accomplish before. Declan was humble, charismatic and appreciative of the circumstances. He was wonderful at relating to the young audience and his endearing demenour no doubt won over some new fans.

As for the band, they’ve never been tighter.

Professional and well rehearsed it really was a dynamic performance worthy of the QMF elite. By Femme De Porte

Issy Losi wrote her first song when she was in year 7. She has been performing originals live since she was just 14 years old and in 2011 she was the recipient of the Queenscliff Music Festival Scholarship. With a track record like that I could only imagine that the long-awaited “Outlast The Storm” EP was going to be something incredibly special.

On November 16th at local hang out Beav’s Bar, Issy Losi and The Auracles proved that they have that unique gift that all musicians crave, the ability to not only perform for a crowd but the ability to make the crowd feel like they are part of the performance. Issy had envisioned the launch to be at Beav’s even before they had finished recording.

“I just knew it would have the right atmosphere for my kind of music – in an intimate, relaxing and friendly environment,” says Issy. And she was right! As soon as I walked in the room I noticed that there were well over 100 people there and they had sold over 50 EP’s throughout the night!

Alister Turrel opened the night with powerful vocals and guitar in hand.

His smooth and fresh style got the crowded revved up. Sydney brother and sister due, Dan and Hannah Acfield brought their unique and beautiful acoustic sound down to Beav’s. With their natural charisma they effortlessly warmed the hearts of Geelong-ians.

When Issy Losi and The Auracles stepped onto the stage, everyone’s eyes gazed with anticipation and excitement. She took to the mic, closed her eyes, the music began and this powerful voice full of energy and vibrance consumed the room. Her pure and endless passion and love for what she does was evident and radiated through her lyrics and profound performance.

So what if you missed our hometown girl and The Auracles?

She has a busy few months ahead. On her solo endeavors, Issy is supporting blues queen, Mia Dyson, at Courthouse Arts on Sunday December 9 (Tickets are selling fast so if you want to be apart of the magic grab yourself a ticket, I will be!) And on the 15th of December, Issy and The Auracles are taking their EP to Warrnambool to play with Jake Gellert at The Loft. By Sarah Gross

Henry Wagons

PAUL KELLY

Expecting Company?

SPRING AND FALL

Spunk Records

Universal

Henry Wagons’ debut solo album is a murderous, sinister country western piece with just a sprinkling of softness from female songbirds that compliment Wagons’ baritone on 5 of the 7 tracks.

Inspired by the murder ballads of Nick Cave and akin to horror-western rockers, Graveyard Train, the first track ‘Unwelcome Company’ sets the tone for what is about to make you feel like you are listening to a country western film. Tones of love, loss, murder and are appropriately placed throughout the album. Despite these somewhat negative themes, this album has you nodding your head along to the thunder of horses, shootouts and in particular in track 5 - ‘A Hangman’s Work is Never Done’ to the gurgling chokes of several people being hung. This track in particular seems to be the standout, incorporating some psychedelic vocals from Patience of The Grates as well some deep moaning synth-loops that gives the feeling that the devil might have had a jam on his Korg in the background. Overall this album is well worth a listen, Wagons delivers a beautiful journey through a country western world full of death and love. Teaming up (as the title might suggest) with some great Australian (and one American) artists to really strike those crooning ballads into your soul. 4 John Wayne’s out of 5. By Xavier Fennell

Paul Kelly is an artist who needs no introduction in his home country. One of Australia’s most prolific songwriters, with eight ARIAs, three APRAs and a whole swag of other awards to his name, not to mention a place in the ARIA Hall of Fame, he is without any doubt, a legend of Australian music. And, for the first time in five years he’s releasing a new album. Not that he hasn’t been busy, working on his memoir and being heavily involved in an independent documentary about his life. Spring and Fall is best listened to as a whole album, start to finish. The song cycle is almost a story, as each song drifts through to the next, travelling through the seasons. Every track has that brilliant Paul Kelly stripped back feel, he doesn’t need a symphony orchestra backing him up, it’s all simple.

There’s just something about every word he sings that projects an Australian-ness that no other artist can match. Kelly describes love like only he can in ‘When A Woman Loves A Man’ and ‘One For The Ages’. ‘Cold as Canada’ is all pain and heartache. From start to finish, Spring and Fall is pure Paul Kelly perfection.

It’s Australian songwriting at its finest, putting all those indie-folk artists to shame. By Cameron Brogden

Kutcha Edwards

VARIOUS ARTISTS

Blak & Blu

Triple J's Like A Version Anthology

MGM It is said that every culture has its own ‘blues’.

Aussie blues is some of my very favourite. Kutcha Edwards is one of this country’s finest singers and songwriters and in a return to his blues roots, Blak & Blu is a mighty reminder of this fact. He’s been heard most recently among the stellar revolving line-up of The Black Arm Band. This, his third solo release, provides a spotlight for his turn to shine. Producer Craig Pilkington (with Heath Mckaay) highlights Edwards’ effortless vocals cruising over ultra-cool accompaniment from his fine band. The singer tells his own stories across the years; recognising - though never wallowing in - painful times, while affirming the powers of resilience and hope. The settings may be local but the messages are universal. Righteous horns and desert-slung guitar infuse a western feel into ‘Blind Joe’s Creek’. From his earliest foray into songwriting, ‘Roll With The Rhythm’ takes a slow’n’sultry stroll toward New Orleans with vocals from Dan Sultan, revealing yet another vocal dimension from the guest. Blak & Blu is in fact reminiscent of Sultan’s Get Out While You Can in overall feel and range of influences.

There are feel-good rhythms, ballads, soulful country and a little rock ‘n’ roll with a cover of Sam Cooke’s ‘A Change Is Gonna Come’ between the originals. ‘Scars’ paints an arresting, ethereal soundscape – an absolute killer live. So too, ‘Get Back Up Again’ with its driving and infectious beat, where Edwards passes on an uncle’s wisdom: You can knock me off my feet/but I will get back up again. Added treats include Rebecca Barnard on vocals (‘Lil Bit of Lovin’), harmonica from Chris Wilson (‘Coming Home To You’) and Jeff Lang’s unmistakable guitar work. The Mutti Mutti man is back, sounding better than ever. By Chris Lambie

ABC/Universal Triple J’s Like A Version is often lauded as the best segment on the breakfast show, and when it’s not, that’s because it’s lauded as the “only good part” of the breakfast show by the legions of Tom-and-Alex haters. The annual Like A Version compilation album is always a hit, which is why they’ve picked the “best” bits from the first five albums to create the first Like A Version Anthology. It has such favourites as Crowded House’s performance of Harry Nilsson’s ‘Everybody’s Talkin’’, and Tegan and Sara performing Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Dancing in the Dark’.

There are a few headscratchers on there, such as PVT’s cover of Wolfmother’s ‘Woman’, or 67 Special’s cover of Missy Higgins’ ‘Scar’, which could have been dropped to make room for some of the better tracks that were left off (Lazy Susan’s cover of Dragon’s ‘Are You Old Enough’ springs to mind immediately, as does Jebediah’s version of ‘Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head’). Highlights include Sarah Blasko’s breathy cover of the Elton John classic, ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’, Bobby Brown’s ‘Every Little Step’ performed as only Bluejuice can and Grinspoon’s powerful cover of The Verve’s ‘The Drugs Don’t Work’. However, the best track on the album has to be Philadelphia Grand Jury’s cover of Jay-Z’s ‘99 Problems’, it doesn’t sound like it should work, but it does. Definitely worth a buy, if only for the trip down memory lane, as you say “I wonder what happened to those guys” about every second track. By Cameron Brogden

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Singer wanted for acoustic covers duo.

Must like 90’s British bands and not into songs your “normal” covers bands play.

Think Oasis, Morrissey & The Smiths, Libertines, Pulp, Blur, Verve, and similar Aussie & American groups. Nothing serious to start with but possible gigging if we sound great! Age no barrier and male / female encouraged to contact. Contact Liam: britpopcovers@gmail. com or 0430904407 Band Members Wanted: Looking for band members between the ages of 16-19 years of age for pop group.

Looking for bass guitar,

electric guitar, vocals and synth player. If interested, please contact 0417575237.

Hard Rock Covers Band with experienced, solid, bass player and drummer team requires guitarist with skill, awesome sound, and decent equipment. We have full rehearsal live room, pro gear, and all recording equipment.

Project will involve gigging, recording, and working on original material as well as edgy covers. Age no barrier, but must be directable team player and have own transport.

Carlos: 0409493521 Wanted: Male Vocalist, Two Guitarists Lead/

Rythm,Keyboard,Drummer to form an Original Hard Rock/ Heavy Metal Band,Kevin Phone 03/52757689, Email linnums@optusnet.com.au Vocalist Wanted: Rock/ alternative band, currently consisting of guitar, bass, drums. In search of a clean vocalist preferably with experience. Influences: Tool, A Perfect Circle, Karnivool, 12 stones, Godsmack, etc.

Contact Dean 0431067758 Singer For Rock Covers Band Needed. New project that will incorporate some originals. We have large acoustically enhanced rehearsal room inc. P.A and all recording equipment.

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Carlos: 0409 493521

Text Nick on 0408 359 821.

Photographer Wanted for band photos. Semniprofessional ok. Call Josh 0430971319

Singer/songwriter looking for musicians to perform at festivals and venues drummer, bass player, guitarist & key boards player must be 40 years + must be experienced and professional please phone or email david 0417661299 davidwatson62@ y7mail.com

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To play Classic Rock from the 70’s onwards. Call or

Geelong Vocalist Looking for guitarist, bass and drummer to form contemporary blues/ rock band. Experienced players required.Ph: Craig 0404054045 or email transform_pt@ yahoo.com.au

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grogwatch You may remember a while back I talked about how I knew this guy who seemed to have constructed this elaborate fantasy life for himself online where he - no, it’s not me, I wasn’t talking about myself, it wasn’t a way for me to admit to some deep dark secret or any of that crap, okay? This was an actual guy I know who WASN’T ME who had an online business which seemed to be on the grow with hiring new staff and opening new interstate offices and talking up all the big time business opportunities coming his way – basically, if you gave the organisation a casual glance it looked like a fairly successful business. Problem was, my life is pretty boring once you get past all the constant drinking, so I’d occasionally check back in on this guy’s organisation, and after a while I realised that things were looking a little strange. As in, a lot of his staff seemed to have online profiles that didn’t exactly seem all that filled out: they only ever posted stuff related to their job, they only started being on social media around the time they started being mentioned by the company’s various social media outlets, they didn’t really post all that much and none of it was all that individual – basically, they weren’t exactly convincing as real life human beings.

Now, I didn’t have all that much trouble with it at this stage because you do what you have to do to keep your business afloat in these tough economic times and if he felt he had to inflate his staff numbers then… Who am I kidding, this was as creepy as hell from sunrise to sunset: if my suspicions were correct, he was making up fake people and pretending to have them work for him. I mean sure, we’ve all thought about downloading an app for our phone that would make it sound like we had a secretary working for us and then gone on to wonder if we could program it to talk dirty to us just like a real secretary would, but we’ve never actually done it. Was this guy daring to live the dream?

The thing that made all this even more odd was the way that his staff… how do I put this?

They all seemed to think he was the most awesome man who had ever walked the earth.

Also, they all seemed to be young women

How do we fix the ARIAS?

barely out of their teens. And he started up his new business not long after his marriage failed. And did I mention they all thought he was awesome? Here’s an actual, not at all-altered quote from one of his “staff members” – not a personal social media account by the way, but from the official, here’sour-latest-big-development-announcement work page: “My boss just unconsciously kicked some broken bottle out of my way, so I wouldn’t step on it, before I crossed the road. That makes my heart warm.

They don’t make many of these guys!”

Let us now pause to think how often we would say anything like that about our boss. In public, mind you. Written down where everyone can see it for weeks and months to follow. And it gets worse.

Just recently I saw this up on the work page, and, well… I’m not going to put all of what I found up here, but this should give you an idea of what I’m talking about: “In the first week of March, I met up with [BOSS DELETED] to discuss a company he was putting together with three others. I was blown away by his idea, and inspired by his enthusiasm.. Little did I know that the conversation would end with “So, would you like to join us?” He knew I could [WORK DELETED], that I loved [PERKS DELETED], but seems he also knew something I didn’t - that I was capable of being involved in such an enterprise. A quick squeal, smile, hug and loud “yes!” followed….

At this time, I had broken up with my boyfriend [NAME DELETED], a university professor who I had met while undertaking my studies (he wasn’t one of my professors). This was an extremely hard time for me because, though at the time we believed going our separate ways was the best thing for both of us, I knew I’d made a horrible mistake. [WORK DELETED] helped me cloak the pain of the broken relationship, and gave me back my confidence, sense of belonging and positive outlook. And for those wondering ... after many, many months apart (and both in failed follow up relationships) [NAME DELETED] and I reunited. We are now engaged and getting married. The break made us realise, despite our many differences, we were meant to be.

Just as I feel [WORK DELETED] and I were meant to be. I also was able to step up and help more this

year, my [WORK DELETED] commitments not only gave me purpose, they moulded me. This is who I am. This is who I was supposed to be. Everything that came before? That wasn’t the real me. I found my place.”

I don’t know about you, but if I was running a business that relied on making a good impression on potential future clients, I’m not sure I’d be letting one of my staff members make a post like that on my company’s social media page. I don’t think I’d be letting anyone I know say anything even remotely like that anywhere up to and including in front of my face. Why would you put this out on a public website? It’s not exactly an isolated incident either, as the week earlier there was this from another staff member talking about how they were recruited into this organisation: “The cryptic message read “What are you doing for the rest of your life? We need to meet urgently.

I know you like group activities, free-flowing liquid at [DELETED] launches, and wouldn’t say no to a key that opens your own office. Can you meet at [DELETED SHOPPING CENTRE] in next week or so? I have something to show you.” And with that, I wondered what saucy going’s on I was about to agree to and what I was going to be shown at a shopping center. HA HA HEEEE! So funny looking back at it!”

Again, this is a social media update from a company that supposedly has branches interstate and operations overseas. What the heck is going on over there? It’s eating away at my mind, I tell you – it just does not make any kind of sense whatsoever the moment you spend more than a second thinking about it. I mean, I have no idea what these staff members are like at their actual jobs – I do know the main guy involved and I know he’s certainly very good at his job so there’s no suggestion for a second that the service being provided is anything less than professional. But as far as his company’s public image is concerned, what the hell?

Let’s break the options down. First, this is an organisation in an area where putting up a solid, professional, business-like front is a major part of the operation. And yes, much of their social media output is updates talking up the big deals they’re about to sign and the exciting new prospects they have lined up for the future, so clearly they get that side of things. So why then does the man in charge allow his underlings to use the public face of the organisation as a wall where they can talk about their relationships and how they were recruited by being lured to the local shopping centre with a vaguely suggestive offer? The only reason I can think of, especially once you take into account the constant trickle of updates praising his good nature

It had all the angles of a truly stereotypical awards ceremony. Awkward hosts who’s jokes aren’t funny, really awful sound for those watching at home, and a caucasian rapper who was able to drop the C-Bomb in the first 10 minutes of the ceremony (well done 360, well done).

Yes it’s the music awards ceremony we love to hate, the ARIAS. Now don’t get me wrong. I love Australian music, I love the talent we can boast about here (Hello Gotye, Temper Trap and Matt Corby), but as far we go in terms of celebrating our successes, we are in need of some help!

The hosts aren’t funny. That’s our first problem. The pre-written ‘banter’ between co-hosts is lame and at times embarrassing. I don’t even know why they need to be portrayed as ‘funny’.

While watching, and of course having a few drinks which led to me being what some would call “shit-faced” it made it easier for me to judge. I felt okay when I tweeted “Nicky Minaj looks like a bad day on mushrooms” and “Hey Ruby Rose you’re not Girl Talk so f*ck off!”

and occasionally hinting at his studly nature with the ladies (seriously, one of their updates talks about him coming to work with a hickey), is that he wants this kind of thing out there as the public face of his business. Which sort of makes sense if you look at it as… okay, it doesn’t make any sense at all.

So this is why I occasionally wonder if his staff really do exist at all. Sure, they’re all meant to be women in their teens or just out of them, which might explain why they’re gushing away on the internet about how dreamy their new boss is and what an awesome guy he is and so on and whatever and pass the bucket. But if the business this guy is in is all about putting up the right kind of front to attract clients, who’s to say he’s not using his business to put up exactly the kind of front he wants to put up? I did mention all this started around the time his marriage ended, didn’t I? What better way could there be to attract someone new than by having a bunch of seemingly attractive young ladies constantly talking you up on the internet?

Okay, there’s about a million better ways. But this kind of thing is the kind of thing that this guy does professionally for clients for a living: it does kind of make sense that he might be thinking this way when it comes to promoting himself. The real problem is – well, the REAL real problem is why do I care about any of this stuff, it’s not like it’s affecting me in any way and it’s not even hurting anyone – that there’s no real way to check up on any of this.

I mean, they have no actual address listed so I can’t exactly drop around and say hi to the gals, and while they do have a phone number I could call if this much effort’s been put into this kind of thing it’s hardly like he’s going to answer the phone himself while putting on a girly voice. He’s not exactly likely to come out and confess to me if I straight-up confronted him about it either; why would he? There’s only my amazingly shoddy investigation to go on and I’ve uncovered a grand total of no evidence that isn’t completely circumstantial.

Nah, he’d have no reason at all to tell me of all this is just an elaborate scheme to attract women. Which is a real shame, because I really want to know if it works.

Tony “Finally watching the final season of The Thick Of It, which is as swear-tastic as ever” Montana

But as I think about it more and more, I’m not sure how to solve the age old problem of ‘how to make the ARIAS less shit’.

Here’s one idea. REMOVE REECE MASTIN AS FAR AWAY FROM THE PREMISES AS POSSIBLE! I’m not sure he even performed, but I could see him lingering around in the background behind actual singer/songwriters.

Problem solved.

Peace.

what the eff?

By Steph

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