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BY BUCK D. ELLIOTT
Praise sweet baby touchdown Jesus, pigskin is back. We’re two weeks removed from the NFL, but college and all primary-school levels have kicked off. The real patriots can emerge from their oppressive summer of pretending to sort of care about baseball, or tennis, or all of the other sports we’re subjected to while pa tiently hibernating in anticipation of the one true American sport remaining: football, the American one, which is the only one.
That doesn’t account for the yuge money drawn in from the college gridiron that pro duces the funds for universities to support broad athletic departments, including reve nue-negative sports we might feign a cursory interest in when football season concludes.
The NFL — despite working to host games globally and building a significant fan base outside our golden shores — has only around 5% foreign-born players. Most of these nonU.S. athletes are from Canada — they do have a league of their own, after all — and the next most represented country is Nigeria. Austra lia, primarily in the form of punters, is third in international representation inside the most profitable league of our land. Sometimes differentiating something’s greatness is dependent on niche rather than numbers. Football — the American kind — is regionally exclusive to the greatest corner of the globe. Futbol — the other kind, where ties are something that occur with regulari ty — is far and away the most popular global sport. I posit soccer’s popularity is because even poor countries can manage to necessi tate the bare-bones equipment required. If there’s anything we (Americans) hate more than tying in sports — which is just athletic socialism — it’s a sport you can play without spending truckloads of money on equipment. Even though it’s still important only in the good ol’ U.S. of A, the Super Bowl boasts the largest viewership of any single televised sports spectacle. Events like the Tour de France and the World Cup might possess su perior numbers, but the multi-day and -week events are hardly comparable to the five-hour extravaganza during which your average Tex an will puke after chasing 17 Bud Lights with a half-pound of queso. Like the functional alcoholism most adults deal with, the season will start as just a game or two on Saturday before the inevi table fantasy football drafts start, and, before you know it, Thursday through Monday are dominated by the greatest sport West of the Atlantic and East of the Pacific. You might even quench your withdrawal by crashing a local field on Tuesday night just to insult the vision of some college kid refereeing a mid dle-school game. Remember, this behavior doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you a patriot. So, strap up and send your regrets to all the wedding invites you receive for the months of September through November, because the last sport made in America, by Americans, and for Americans is ready for kickoff. l
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If you’re digesting my statements and feeling argumentative, go for it. Lean into your fury, then put on a helmet and ram into something or, better yet, someone. You’ll feel better. I’m not saying football is a better sport than others thanks to acceptable blind rage, but it doesn’t detract from the argument. It’s well-established through statistics and em pirical observation that Americans are just kind of pissed off for a litany of reasons that have nothing to do with how damn great our country is, and we need ways to express it outside of road rage and mass shootings.
Over and above money being the only necessary argument needed to crown pads and helmets as superior to anything else, football might be — nay, definitely is — the last bastion of great American exceptionalism that has since been drowned by a homoge nous global culture thanks to technology and Tik-Tok stars. We, as global citizens, largely consume similar media, eat similar food, and observe similar trends, but Americans guzzle football with an unquenchable zest in the greatest depth and quantity, and if we don’t, we’ll have surrendered one of the last things that truly marks us as better than every other nation on Earth.
The gridiron game originated in North eastern colleges in the late 1800s in a proto typically American fashion: We stole already established ideas (soccer and rugby), made some tweaks, and claimed it as something en tirely new and vastly superior. Walter Camp, a Yale graduate and medical doctor, helped craft the rudimentary version into something that would be familiar to fans today. Since that time, football has grown and flourished and become America’s Game, despite baseball’s errored attempts to christen itself as such through various tired marketing campaigns. “Ameri ca’s Pastime,” as they like to tout themselves, employs a steady 28% of its players from other countries. The NBA is slightly fewer with 22% of their players classified as international. The NHL, which has gained significant popularity during my generation, employs only around 28% red, white, and blue professional players.
A brief economics lesson: Capitalism, an economic theory spoken straight from God’s mouth to Adam Smith in the Garden of Eden, clearly states that whatever person or organizations are making the most money are inherently good and right and anything else is simply the first loser. The NFL is far and away the top revenue producer among sports organizations in the United States.
You want to watch football because you’re a great American and that’s what great Americans do.
MontopolisCourtesy platforms Saturday.
The orchestral rock group Montopolis will perform the score to the Ukrainian documentary Man with a Movie Camera on Sunday in Fort Worth and Wednesday in Denton.
The Taylor Hawkins Benefit Concert streams on various
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NIGHT&DAY 12 Monday 5 Don’t break a nail battling tra c! Rideshare the easy, inexpensive and enjoyable way with Trinity Metro ZIPZONE. Download the ZIPZONE app now for iPhone or Android, and get your first two rides free at RIDE TRINITYMETRO .org/ ZIPZONE TRINITYMANICURISTSTALENTEDMETROTEXRail|TRE|BusZIPZONE
National Geographic’s trav eling exhibit Becoming Jane: The Evolution of Dr. Jane Goodall, a highly inter active journey through the life and career of a science and conservation champion, has been the featured attraction at the Perot Museum of Science & History (2201 N Field St, Dal las, 214-428-5555) since May. During the fi nal week, you can see it 10am-5pm Wed-Sat, 11am-5pm Sun, or 10am-5pm today. Tickets start at $21 at PerotMuseum.org.
With dove season officially The Modern Art Museum mers on the planet — was born in 1972 right here in Fort Worth. When the Foo Fighter died in March, the world mourned with us. Today, we celebrate his life. At 10:30am, the with like-minded lake people, check out the Metroplex Ski Club (@MetroplexSkiClub) on the third Tuesday of each month at Shady Oak Barbeque & Grill (6364 Sandshell Dr, 817-306-7812). There are several specta tor-friendly events throughout the year — keep an eye on Facebook.com/Metroplex SkiClub/Events — including a free Labor Day weekend show at 11am at Marine Creek Lake (2700 NW Loop 820, 817-335-2491).
WEEKLYWORTHFORT 2022DAYLABOR WEEKLYWORTHFORTfwweekly.com5 20226,SEPTEMBER-31AUGUST 15fwweekly.com Austin-based orchestral rock group Montopolis is on tour, performing the score to the 1928 Ukrainian documentary Man with a Movie Camera, and the two North Texas stops are 3pm Sun in Fort Worth at Downtown Cowtown at the Isis (2401 N Main St, 817-808-6390) and 8pm Wed, Sep 7, in Denton at Rubber Gloves Rehearsal Studios (411 E Sycamore St, 940-594-2207). Tickets are $10 on Pre kindle.com. At each show — and at Monto polisMusic.com — the band will sell show posters for $20, with the proceeds going to UNICEF in support of children in the ongo ing conflict in Ukraine. Jane Goodall: Becoming Janes ends Monday at the Perot. History&ScienceofMuseumPerotCourtesy Wednesday 7 Night & Day continued from page 14 By Jennifer Bovee FEATURING BRENTCOBB #POP22 PARTYPORCH ON THE ART | FOOD | MUSIC | FREE THE CARTER PRESENTS PARTY ON THE PORCH IS SPONSORED IN PART BY THE META ALICE KEITH BRATTEN FOUNDATION 6–1009.10.22p.m. PRESENTING SPONSOR AUG 18 SEP 11
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Looking for a Weekend Getaway?
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BY JENNIFER BOVEE
Consider Comanche.
When you have the opportunity to stay in a 3,000-square-foot Airbnb, you say yes, es pecially if a student of Frank Lloyd Wright designed it. Thus began the second half of my From C to Shining C: Cleburne to Co manche summer adventure. Tranquility Hill in Comanche is a three-bedroom home on tons of acres. So, along with our usual couple friends/travel ing companions, my fiancé and I also invit ed my mother along. She became a widow earlier this year, so a getaway to the third bedroom of this fabulous house sounded great to her. (As an artist herself, the Frank Lloyd Wright connection was too much to pass Asup.)my mother lives a bit past Cleburne, we picked her up out of the kindness of our hearts but also with the intent of stopping at Woods & Cuds (5601 US 67, Alvarado, 817783-6328) for premium meats for grilling out. My mom makes a killer chili, and Fri day night’s menu was going to be chili dogs with Wagyu wieners. It did not disappoint. The dogs were $20 for 5 pounds and were well worth it. After arriving at Tranquility Hill (409 Indian Creek Dr, @AirBnB.com/H/SHCo manche) and taking in the scenery inside and out, we settled into the den to wait for our friends to arrive. We used the free Net flix to watch The Starling, a dramatic comedy about dealing with grief and a crazy bird. My mom loved it. My fiancé fell asleep. I can’t blame him. He had been driving all day. Before letting the house suck us in all Saturday afternoon, all Saturday night, and all day Sunday, we got up early on Saturday morning to check out the nearby downtown square. We ate breakfast at a cute little diner called the City Center Cafe (127 N Houston St, 325-356-1300), shopped for antiques at the Courthouse Square Mall (117 N Houston St, 325-356-5414), and visited a museum. Among the many finds at the Comanche County His torical Museum (402 Mooreman Rd, 325356-5115) was one extraordinary piece in par ticular: a Buffalo Soldier uniform. The mu seum’s collection also includes a diorama of a Comanche Native American family campsite, an exhibit about outlaw John Wesley Hardin, and a salute to area veterans from World War I thru the Vietnam era, including a survivor of the sinking of the USS Indianapolis. The museum is open 10am-4pm Wed-Sat. There is no entry fee, but a small monetary donation is appreciated.Tranquility Hill provides all the kitch en utilities, silverware, plates, and cookware you need for staying all weekend indoors, plus a nice grill out by the basketball hoop. With this in mind, we stopped at the local Brookshire’s (404 W Central Av, 325-3563248) after our morning outing. We nabbed a buy-one-get-one-free marinated pork loin that we used for a formal dinner Saturday evening in the dining room after eating most of our meals in the breakfast nook in the kitchen. Tranquility#fancylikeHillalso has a wonderful firepit and outdoor living area, but it was July, and it was way too hot out for that. My one complaint, and it’s a small one, is that there is no pool. I wonder what pool Frank Lloyd Wright’s former son-in-law/prote ge Charles Schiffner would have designed? Had it been anything like the bathroom in the primary suite with tile in his mother-inlaw’s favorite shade of pink, it would have been a sight to behold. continued on page 26If you’re mad about mid-century decor, Tranquility Hill is the perfect fall getaway for you. we love it here!
AirbnbCourtesy Deer Comanche,
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Tranquility Hill is immaculately dec orated with mid-century art and furniture, including custom pieces explicitly made for the house by the designer. The only thing that snaps you back into this centu ry is your own belongings and the Central Perk decor from Friends at the coffee sta tion. Everything else is pure mid-century delight.There is rooftop access for the dirty smokers in your group. Binoculars are also provided for scoping out the wildlife on the acreage. Remembering our viewing of The Starling and all the freely roaming deer and rabbits on the property made me think I should have written this for Creature Com forts last week. Instead, I saved this for our Labor Day issue. While summer might be over, a fall get away at Tranquility Hill would be perfect. The price of $312 per night is quite reason able, especially if you divide it among three couples or #YourMomandThem. While we hated to leave on Sunday, we quickly realized we were all headed in the same direction for part of the way back home. Before parting ways, we stopped in Stephenville and ate at The Purple Goat (2025 E Washington St, 254-965-4628). Ser vice was slow, but the food was worth the wait. Order the Smokin’ Goat BBQ Sand wich with brisket as your meat. Trust us. l Big Ticket continued from page 16 Shopping, dining, and history await you in Comanche.
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Labor Day is pretty self-explanatory. On the first Monday in September, we celebrate the American worker by not working. How will you spend your federally mandated threeday weekend? Here are eight ways around North Texas. 1.) If you’re planning a final summer blow out at home, The Butcher Shop at B&B (5212 Marathon Av, 817-737-5212) has some specials to check out 11am-4pm Wed-Sun. Purchase an Otto Wilde Griller for the sale price of $999 (originally $1,195). “In just three minutes, the grill heats up to 1,500°F to create a flavor and juice-locking crust in just a minute per side.” B&B’s Summer Grilling Packages include options for B&B’s popular TX Burger & Wagyu Hot Dog Box es, regular burgers and hot dogs, select cuts, and more. For more details or to order, visit 2.)BBButchers.com/Menus-Ft-Worth.AreyouheadedtoLakeGranbury
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Josey Ranch Sports Complex (1440 Keller Springs Rd, Carrollton, 972-466-3080) 11am-7pm Mon for the second annual World-on-Wheels Food Truck Rally & BBQ Competition presented by ScheduleAFoodTruck.com. Food will be available for purchase from 30 food trucks, barbecue pop-ups, vendors, and more. Entertainment options include athletic competitions, face painting, games, karaoke, live music, a playground, a pooch parade, and a pet adoption event. Admission is 8.)free.But wait, there’s more. Troy’s (1650 E Randol Mill Rd, Ste 100, Arlington 817-7691551) — named after Troy Aikman and serv ing up gourmet food, signature cocktails, and live music inside Texas Live — hosts a Labor Day Mixer 5:30pm-9:30pm Wed, Sep 7, featuring live music by Sir Earl Toon of Kool & The Gang with Shelley Carrol, food and drink specials, and small business vendors, including ecofriendly jewelry/ac cessories by Arlington-based maker Tscha ner Sefas of 31:13 (@ThirtyOneand13). There is no cost to attend. From this King of the Grill package for $475 down to the TX Burger Box for $60, The Butcher Shop at B&B has several Summer Grilling Packages available for Labor Day weekend.
FacebookCourtesy Need a little “hair of the dog” after the weekend? Head to Mutt’s Canine Cantina Monday. iStockCourtesy
5.) The best part of this weekend is not hav ing to do any #adulting on Monday morn ing, so a Sunday evening show is in order. Local David Bowie tribute band The Thin White Dukes (@TWDSDFW) is playing 8pm-10pm at Hotel Vin (215 E Dallas Rd, Grapevine, 817-796-9696). This “Labor ‘Dave’ Weekend” show is free to attend. If you arrive feeling hungry, check out the dinner menu or bar food items at the hotel’s restaurant/bar, Bacchus. For info on oth er September shows, check out Crosstown Sounds in the Calendar drop-down at FW Weekly.com. 6.) After participating in any of the festivities above, come Monday, you’ll need a bit of the old “hair of the dog.” Mutt’s Canine Cantina (5317 Clearfork Main St, 817-377-0151) has just the thing. Usually only available Sat-Sun, Mutt’s offers its Hair-of-the-Dog Brunch noon-3pm Mon, featuring Bloody Marys and mimosas for $3 and an all-day breakfast menu. For updates and specials, follow them at hurrah,7.)Facebook.com/MuttsCantinaFtWorth.Forafinalfamily-friendlysummerconsiderheadingto
Facebook.com/GranburyAr
By Jennifer Bovee
this weekend? If so, stop by the Granbury Arti san Market (3800 Contrary Creek Rd, 682498-3431) 9am-2pm Sat-Sun for a special Labor Day Weekend Market. You’ll find all sorts of goodies for purchase from local ar tisans, farmers, makers, and fellow foodies. For an update on this weekend’s vendors, keep an eye on 3.)tisanMarket.OnSunday, head to The Depot at Cle burne Station (1906 Brazzle Blvd, 817-9458705) for Lone Star Legacy Night 1pm-4pm as the Cleburne Railroaders play the Lake Country Dockhounds in the last home game before the playoffs. At 2pm, enjoy a Taste of Johnson County with local restaurants sell ing their best menu items. Tickets are $16 at ILoveTexasBaseball.com, and one child 12 or younger gets in free with each adult ticket purchase. If you’d like to make a weekend of it, stay at the Hampton Inn & Suites (1996 W Henderson St, 817-641-7770). The suites can easily accommodate the whole family, and the indoor pool will be refreshing after a day at the ballpark. Plus, the complimentary continental breakfast includes some yummy bacon and a self-serve waffle station. Do it!
4.) For those searching for a memorable brunch experience this Sunday, Texas Re public (945 Foch St, 817-887-9797) is host ing the Ciroc All White Labor Day Brunch Party noon-4pm. Enjoy one mimosa, a brunch buffet with 30 items, a photobooth, and DJs spinning hip-hop, old school, and Top 40 tunes all day for $20 per person. Up grade to bottomless mimosas for $12 more. Ciroc specialty cocktails and micheladas will also be available for purchase. For $20 tick ets or VIP experiences topping out at $360, visit Eventbrite.com.
ButchersB&BCourtesy the giant salted pretzel served with pimento cheese dip at the Labor Day Mixer at Troy’s Wed, Sep 7.
Try
Happy Labor Day!
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